Anua~1998 F Rl ENDS

)anua~1998 FRl ENDS ~~~~ht and OURNAL T;~~y An Among Friends Independent magazine serving the Another Voice for Change Religious Society of follow-up to my column last month, in which I quoted young people in Friends Costa Rica speaking out about land mines, here's another letter-this one from the pages ofFellowship . It is written by an even younger voice for change: Editorial Vinton Deming(Editor-Ma!lllgn-), KennethSunon Dear President Clinton, (ksociat~ Editor}, Claudia Wair (Assistant Editor}, For Christmas my mom wants peace, love, and justice in the world. My gift for my mom is to AaronJavsicas (Intern), Judith Brown (Pomy Editor} write this letter to ask for your hdp because you are the president. Please stop spending Production money for weapons. Spend more money on food and things to hdp people. We learn in Barbara Benton (Art Dir«tor},Alli. Podolsky school to share and not fight. It's simple. You can do it. (Production Assistant}, John D. Gummere Christopher Connors, six years old (Special Proj~cts) Circulation and Advertising Well said, Christopher. You cut right to the heart of it. It reminds me of a Nagendran Gulendran (Mar/wing andAdvmising MaMgo-), Nicole Hackel (Circulation Assistant) moment when my daughter Evelyn (then age six) and I visited an IRS agent in Administration Philaddphia to discuss my reasons for not paying my federal taxes. During a pause in Marianne De Lange (Administratiw &cr~ry), the conversation Evy aske4 the agent, "Why do you try to make my daddy pay Lucinda Hudson (Boolruper}, Henry Freeman money for killing other people?" The agent looked down, shuffied through his (Dro~lopmm t Consultant}, Pamela Nelson (Dro~lopmmtAssistan t}, Roben Sunon (Voluntur) papers, and announced that the meeting was concluded. Board of Managers Our January issue picks up on the theme raised by our young people. It is about Irwin Abrams (Ckrlr}, LucindaAnuim, Quaker witness and service, and the very human form this may take: sharing a cup of Paul Buckley, Susan Carnahan, Sue Carnell coffee, which serves to build trust in war-tom Bosnia; opening one's home to a (Tr~asum}, Elizabeth Cazden, Helen Fields, Deborah Fisch, Ingrid Holcomb, Roben Kunkel, Bosnian student, then traveling to Mostar to meet the student's family and to gain Mary Mangelsdorf, Rachel Messenger,Judy Monroe, new insights into perplexing questions; opening ourselves to the moving words of Caroline Balderston Parry(Rrcording Ckrlr), Ruth Peterson, Lisa Lewis Raymer, Margery Rubin, Suad Slipicevic, that same Bosnian student, who has now returned to his country to David Runkel, Larry C. Spears, Larry D. Spears, study law; accepting Gilben White's challenge to Friends to renew our commitment Carolyn Sprogell (Assistant Ckrlr), Wdmer ljossem to volunteer service; and there is more. Most ofall, this is an issue that may speak to FRIENDS JouRNAL (ISSN 0016-1322) was established each of us at the deeper human level. in 1955 as the successor to TkFrimd(l827-1955) What better way to greet the new year and to renew our commitment to work for and Frimdsln~Uigmc0'(1844- 1 955) . peace. That is the wish of each of us here at the JoURNAL. • FRIENDSj OURNAL is published monthly by Friends Publishing Corporation, 1216 Arch Street, 2A, Philadelphia, PA 19107-2835. Telephone (215) 563-8629. E-mail [email protected]. Periodicals postage paid at Philadelphia, Pa., and additional mailing offices. Next month In Friends Journal: • Subscriptions: one year $25, two years $45. Add Answering the Love of God $6 per year for postage to countries outside the U.S., A Wailing Wall Canada, and Mexico. Individual copies $2.25 each. • Advenising information and assistance is available Finding the Divine Center on request. Appearance ofany advenisement does not imply endorsement by FRIENDS JouRNAL. • Postmaster: send address changes to FRIENDS Friends Journal staff and volunteers (from left): · joURNAL, 1216Arch Street, 2A, Philadelphia, PA Nagendran Gulendran, VInton Deming, Pamela Nelson, Robert Sutton, Alia Podolsky, 19107-2835. Marianne De Lange, Kenneth Sutton, John D. Gummere, Lucinda Hudson, Nicole • Copyright© 1998 by Friends Publishing Hackel, Aaron Javslcas, Barbara Benton, Ruth Peterson, and Claudia Walr Corporation. Permission should be received before reprinting excerpts longer than 200 words. Available on microfilm &om Universiry Microfilms International. PRJNTED ON RECYCLED PAPER Moving? Let us update your subscription and address. FruENDS JoURNAL, 1216 Arch St., 2A Philaddphia, PA 19107-2835 (215) 563-8629, Fax (215) 568-1377 E-mail [email protected] 2 january 1998FRJENDSJOURNAL January 1998 FRIENDS Volume 44, No. 1 JOURNAL Features Departments 7 Coffee Diplomacy 2 Among Friends Suzanne H. O 'Hamick When high-level diplomats foil to bring peace, sharing a cup ofcoffee 4 Forum starts the dialog. 25 Witness 10 Actions Reshaping Our Beliefs 28 Reports and Epistles Warren A Witte A family hosts a Bomian student and in doing so brings a foreign 30 News of Friends war close to home. 31 Bulletin Board 12 A Brief Bosnian Story 33 Books Suad Slipecevic A teenager's Life has been shaped by war. 34 Milestones 14 Quaker Volunteer Service for the Future 36 Classified Gilbert F. White How can Friends organize long-term, Spirit-Led service? 16 Anatomy of a Leading: Poetry How I Am Being Prepared Connie McPeak 17 First Snow Preparation for ministry often takes surprising turns. Wendy McVicker 1B Elizabeth Gurney Fry, 1780-1845: Friend of Prisoners Jill Boughton Her Life was fiLLed to bursting with family, educational concerns, and prison reform. Elizabeth Gurney Fry and her husband Joseph Fry with some of their children, 1830 Cover photo by Warren A. W'itte fRIENDS ]OURNAL january 1998 Forum Death and dying as a great adventure. I wonder why in the questions of There are very defined tasks that have abottion and euthanasia, Quakers find I want to try to add my own experiences to be done as part of living your dying. themselves arguing for death. I also question and thoughts to what was so thoughtfully The most important is to share with those whether we can handle through laws the put together in the October 1997 articles on closest to you your feelings about what you problem of people ridding themselves of "Death and Dying." are going through. This will open up the troublesome elders. Wife beating is against Death, that never welcome, never way for them to talk about their feelings. If the law also. unwelcome visitor in our lives, does present you have unresolved issues with any a challenge to Friends, for even when least member of the family, simply tell them all judith Monroe ready for its visit we must quickly find a way the positive things that you honestly feel Sugar Land, Tex. to make ourselves ready. In my case, it was a about them. This will dear up any former spouse who announced recently to negativity left behind about the issue. I was pleased to see that you are helping her friends that she wanted to plan her us explore physician-assisted suicide and transition. I'm told it came through other end of life choices. My dad ended his beautifully. life voluntarily in 1993 with the help of a To the spiritually oriented person, this physician, and in taking that adion he may be seen as primarily entry into larger changed my understanding of these issues at life, but not all remaining on this side a very deep personal level. He was convinced share that view. that pancreatic cancer would mean a painful My dear former wife Ruth now is where and debilitating "natural death." My brother she wanted to be, and because she desired it and I were part of his decision to choose the so much, we could not deny it to her. It time of his death. I ended up writing a book was for her a clear choice she had to make. about how much he taught by his living and Friends will understandably differ from his dying-The Choice: Seasons ofLoss and one another in their understanding of life Rmewalajkra Father's Decision to Die. (The after death, or more sensitively put, "life excerpt below is from Chapter 111- Eds.) after life." I wonder if it were cettain that every jim Best single one of us would die of pancreatic Tucson, Ariz. cancer, of that particularly painful death, would the Michigan legislature still pass In response to Dorothy Trippel's article, the bill prohibiting assisted suicide? Then let me say that we must never forget that it is it would be a law sentencing us all to an against all natural law and especially God's equally painful death. It would no longer law to destroy a human life, be it our own or be a law for some, for the minority who another's. now suffer such a disease. And I think of jeamu Beisel Dad saying how angry he was that the Philadelphia, Pa. legislature would take such an action, Realize that at all times you are in control would sentence the dying to an At 80 years, I am very much for a choice. and have options. You can choose the type excruciating end. H e particularly could not I do not want to become an Alzheimer's of treatment or decide to discontinue it. understand his hunting buddy's suppott idiot or have my resources squandered on an You can choose your diet, the amount of for the legislation, although he knew it to expensive nursing home. I am now without exercise, and what you want to do with come from honest religious belief. "When family, and I think about how to die with your remaining time.

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