activism interviewed Jess Holland Salman Rushdie, Guy Ritchie, David Adjaye, on reforming Malcolm Purkey, Gary Younge, Emma student politics Thompson, Sugababes, David Gower INCLUDING APU www.varsity.co.uk No. 621 Friday September 30, 2005

The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 ACCESS: THE BLAME GAME A year before the introduction of top-up fees of up to £3000 who is responsible for the access problem?

If coherent academic aptitude and The quality of teachers, the State trianing are the proper criteria for design of the curriculum, the Schools admissions then why do most introduction of AS Levels, Blamed by: Senior University state schools so comprehensively modulisation, all have an fellows and Independent fail to foster them? effect Schools. Cambridge Dr John Lonsdale University Trinity College Senior Fellow Conservative Party

The university There is a massive gap Oxbridge schemes Cambridge just doesn’t between Cambridge’s public only target Blamed by the Government, get it policy and admissions poli- extremes CUSU, State School cies Headteaches, Cambridge“ Laura Walsh Carol Horseman CUSU President Hatlepool Sixth Form ” University Labour Club, Headteacher College Cambridge University Lancashire Luberal Democrats. “ The heart of the problem I suggest that you I am very disapointed by Government lies in the relentless dumb- begin by asking the figures. Many state Local MP David Howarth, ing down and impoverish- Mr Blair school pupils are worried CUSU, Senior University fig- about the percieved costs ures, the political opposition ment of the the state sector “ Dr Peter Linehan of coming here and the Institute of ” Chris Padfield Dean of St John’s Continuing Education. Institution of Continuing Education Prof Patrick Bateson “ Ex-Provost of King’s College to shoulder school pupils recruited to General Secretary of the sector... you should be asking College. Yet Sir Peter Lampl, (a other than bewilderment and Refusalthe blame Cambridge has declined is wor- Independent Schools Council how state schools can produce government advisor on widen- frustration at the recent fig- for the serious under represen- rying, but the real worry is that said of Oxbridge that “all the candidates worthy of admis- ing participation and chairman ures, telling Varsity “These tation of state school students no one seems able to explain evidence is that universities sion to Cambridge, rather than of the Sutton Trust) is quoted issues are utterly maddening appears to have become an why, nor to accept responsibili- are putting their academic rep- asking how Cambridge can be saying that “it looks like a lot for all involved.” institutional norm. Recently ty for this statistic. The root of utations first and recruiting forced to modify its high stan- of the good work that has Continued on page 15 published higher education this problem lies in one of three the best candidates.” The dards,” a sentiment concurred been done over the past few league tables make depressing“factors: University defended itself with by the headmasters of years is being reversed.” Chris MINISTER FOR HIGHER EDUCATION” reading for the Government, but against all charges made by independent schools St Paul’s, Padfield suggested that it is Bill Rammell >>page13 also for the Universities and I CAMBRIDGE IS detailing the enormous Oakham College and Eton impossible to express anything Schools who have channelled RESPONDING TO GOVERN- amount of work carried out by colossal amounts of time, MENT INITIATIVES WITH both CUSU and the money and energy into reform- NOTHING MORE THAN LIP Admissions Office. Many ing the university admissions SERVICE. Cambridge academics Black History Month Feature system. Falling 18.4 per cent explained to Varsity that the behind HESA (Higher Education I STATE SCHOOLS ARE “abysmal quality” of parts of Statistics Agency) benchmarks for NOT ADEQUATELY the state system mean that a state school recruits and drop- EQUIPPED TO PROVIDE greater degree of equality can- You can’t have a functioning multi- ping from 57.6 per cent to 56.9 FOR THESE INITIATIVES. not be achieved without dras- per cent in their numbers, tically lowering academic stan- racial society working from a Cambridge appears out of sync I THESE GOVERNMENT dards. Professor Bayley argued with a country in which only 7 INITIATIVES ARE FUNDA- that “everybody knows the per cent of students attend inde- MENTALLY INEFFECTIVE. core of the problem lies in the mono-racial understanding of its pendent schools. relentless dumbing down and That the number of state Jonathan Shepherd, the impoverishment of the state past says Gary Younge >>page17

Benj Seidler on the perfect shave >11 Jon Swaine, Internal Affairs >14 Hare & Hounds run wild >29 2 Varsity News 30.09.05 news in brief Departure of controversial King’s

Oxford win crocodile boat race Provost clouded by rumour Oxford beat Cambridge in another boat race - this time at a regatta on Lake Zambezi in Africa, to commemorate the 150th discovery of the Victoria dents are powerless in this col- Falls by the explorer David Joe Gosden lege – I hold all the cards’. She Livingston. The start of the overplayed her hand. And race was delayed by a family Dame Judith Mayhew Jonas, now she can go and play poker of hippos who wandered the first female provost of politics elsewhere." across the course. King’s College, resigned at the end of last term after a two Her departure leaves behind a What makes a teenager? year tenure marked by contro- wave of controversy, with alle- Teenagers from versy and confrontation with gations emerging that in the Hinchingbrooke School in both the students and fellows. autumn of 2003 KCSU ran a Huntingdon have teamed up She announced her decision to smear campaign against her to "indoctrinate as many of the with scientists from leave, following a years sabbat- first year as possible" into an Cambridge University to dis- ical ending in August 2006, to "anti-Judith position" so that cover the key to youthful the King’s fellows in a congre- gation on 15th July 2005. they would then be favourable behaviour. It is hoped that the to the KCSU position on the study will shed light on why Her resignation has been sur- rent strike that was due to start some teenagers thrive during rounded by rumours that she that Michaelmas. A King’s stu- adolescence whilst others may have been forced out. A dent who sat on the student struggle. King’s insider told Varsity that council told Varsity "certain she was "ousted" in a vote by upper echelons of Ben and Jerry stop the melt the College’s governing body, KCSU…decided that part of Ben and Jerry’s are planning having fallen from favour with this indoctrination would to open a ‘climate change col- the fellows through not spend- involve an anti-authority- lege’ aimed at students seek- ing enough time in college due based smearing of the new provost. Therefore from the ing a career in environmental to other business commit- first week of term anti-Judith issues. It is designed to give ments. In 2004 the college had taken the unprecedented step and anti-college propaganda them the training they will were rife." need to become future envi- of appointing three fellows, Dr ronmental campaigners, Nicky Zeeman, Dr John Dunn and Dr David Good, to "advise He went on to say "Following including a trip to the Arctic to and guide" the provost in her the scandal surrounding the study global warming. work. A senior King’s source sacking of Roger Salmon, how- told Varsity that they had in ever, I think Judith discovered Cock crows once for effect been appointed as that she had more vocal, and Peterhouse ‘babysitters’ after concerns probably more dangerous, were raised over Dame Judith’s opponents amongst the fellow- Her appointment was contro- student bar in more neutral Peterhouse escaped repri- financial management in the ship itself. Sometime around Katy Long, ex-KCSU exec versial, with her record of city- colours. She was accused of mand this week when an unfir wake of the scandal surround- then the various scandals that member, told Varsity "There executive attitude and lavish having made the college bar, dismissal claim brought by a ing the sacking of Roger may or may not have con- was never a KCSU ‘whispering’ personal expenditure raising which she referred to as "a den fomer employee was rejected Salmon as Bursar. tributed to her resignation campaign to "indoctrinate" concerns from the student of drinking and smoking", into swung themselves into freshers against Judith body, many of which were something more akin to a con- at an unemployment tribunal. motion". Mayhew: we all hoped her recorded in Varsity. Despite the ference facility. She defended Bobbie Elsom held a secretar- In an official statement the appointment would usher in a college’s efforts to cut back her actions, saying that the ial position at the college King’s fellows said "Dame Judith has presided over a time Ben Harrison, who is the cur- period of improved relations Mayhew was paid £50,000 previous (socialist) red "could between March 1996 and rent KCSU coordinator, when with College. However, within more than her predecessor, be intimidating to right wing September last year, when of major change in the College, which has led to the formation told the content of these alle- a very short space of her arrival ordered new furniture for the students". she was made redundant. The of a new and forward-looking gations, responded "the make- at King's serious failings Provost’s Lodge, had her per- tribunal said they were ‘satis- management team". They went up of the exec has changed became apparent, not least her sonal garden landscaped using Dame Judith’s responsibilities fied that the college had gen- on to add "all of us at King’s completely since the last rent refusal to meet elected student college funds and allegedly will be taken on by her deputy, uinely wanted to retain the wish her success in her future strike, and the vast majority of representatives. Mayhew's used up hundreds of thousands Dr Tess Atkins, while a succes- services of the claimant’. career and are pleased that she those students involved have unpopularity was a conse- of pounds of college funds in sor is chosen. According to ex- plans to retain her links to the left the college altogether. I quence of her own misjudged her legal battle over sacking CUSU president Paul Lewis Lensfield Road break in college." can, however, refute any claim and misguided actions as former bursar Roger Salmon. "King’s needs a Provost that whatsoever that KCSU has Provost: there was no need for This increased expenditure reflects its historical values, not On the night of Friday 23rd undertaken any such cam- spin doctoring." coincided with staff cutbacks someone intent on changing thieves attempted to break in Ex-CUSU president Paul Lewis paigns since I have been coor- and a reduction in the number them. My money’s on Lord to the ground floor bedroom told Varsity that "Dame Judith's dinator." of post-graduate studentships Hattersley". At the time of of a Downing student living in time at King's was a classic case Dame Judith was appointed available. going to press we had received college accommodation on of culture clash. She hoped to Another King’s insider, who the first female King’s Provost no word from Lord Hattersley Lensfield Road. Student bring the hard-nosed brutality did not want to be named, told in October 2003 in the hopes During some of her disputes on whether he would be inter- Natasha Close was asleep of the corporate world to a col- Varsity "whether it is true or that her experience at both with the student union she had ested in running for the posi- when the window was forced lege of equally trenchant lefty not, it happened two years ago Birkbeck College, London, and been seen as deeply unpopular tion. up at about midnight and her liberals. Unsurprisingly, she and it is ridiculous to suggest the City of London with King’s students and her CD player taken. A Downing failed." He added ‘I remember that [the smear campaign] had Corporation would be able to tenure was marked by contro- porter admitted there were a tense conversation with her any direct effect on her depar- ease the college’s crippling versy, in particular over rising security problems with the in which she whispered ture" financial deficit of £1.2 million. rents and the repainting of the www.kings.cam.ac.uk room. through gritted teeth: "you stu- Radioactive leak stains Cambridge’s image Oxygen-15 and Fluorine-18 to be the patient being roughly equiva- properly. The penalties for these during the six month period in Charlotte Forbes administered to the patient via an lent to that of an x-ray),TUE two of charges amounted to nearly two- question ... was there any risk injection or through inhalation of the charges were brought by the thirds of the total fine. whatsoever to human health or the gases. Interaction of the sub- Environment Agency. Expressing her ‘extreme con- to the environment. The fine is Cambridge University has been atomic particles is then interpret- Martin Harris, prosecuting for cern’ at the breaches of proce- disappointing; every pound fined fined £16,000 after being found ed by a computer which is able to the Environment Agency, said: dure, chairman of the magistrates is a pound less to spend on vital listen guilty of disposing up to twice the detect the location of cancerous ‘Although the environmental Mrs Holling also ordered the medical research. legal level of radioactive waste at cells. The technique is also used impact was not significant, this University to meet costs of `I wish to assure the general pub- a centre in Addenbrokes. for research into head injuries, case raises major concerns about £20,000, but acknowledged the lic that strenuous action has been You can hear The Wolfson Brain Imaging strokes and brain tumours. the loss of control of the opera- benefit the clinic gave to the pub- taken to address any shortcom- Varsity on the Centre, which claims to be the After the procedure, waste gases tion by the University and its fail- lic. It is one of the few centres ings. It is our sincere hope that best equipped centre for acute are collected in a hood above the ure to comply with a number of outside London to offer such a such occurrences will not take radio on brain injuries in the world, patient,which filters into a decay authorisations over a long period service. place in the future. We welcome Mondays at admitted five charges of malprac- system. It is thought that the leak of time.’ Following the hearing at Ely the Agency Inspector’s recent site tice between July and October was caused by a broken seal on In addition to charges faced over Magistrates Court, Dr Tim Mead, report which finds that the new 10pm. 2003 in relation to its PET scan one of the decay tanks, which disposal of the substances, the of the University´s Registrary, monitoring system appears to be CUR 1350 procedures (Positron Emission ought to be checked weekly. University was also found guilty said: `The University has admitted working well.´ Tomography). Although the gases are not partic- of keeping inadequate records of failing to meet standards agreed The scan requires small amounts ularly harmful to the public as emissions, and failure to monitor with the Environment Agency on of the radioactive substances they decay quickly (the danger to the equipment or procedure a number of counts. At no time our policy The VARSITY IS DEDICATED TO BRINGING YOU THE MOST RELEVANT AND INTRIGUING NEWS AS Week In AND WHEN IT HAPPENS. Weather THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN OUR CONTENT ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBU- FRI MON TORS, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF VARSITY SAT SUN TUE WED THUR PUBLICATIONS LIMITED. 30.09.05 News Varsity 3 Loopy Professor and the science of cereals "Cheerios effect" shows us not even breakfast is safe from science

Steve Elliot ry" to produce a simple explana- the curvature enables it to float tion for the effect. that extra bit higher. he most compelling scien- A dense object such as an Similar behaviour is shown tific work to find its way upturned drawing pin can float by bubbles on a surface, with Tout of Cambridge over the if its weight is balanced by the the slight difference that summer is unlikely to attract the liquid's surface tension, but this because the bubble’s gas is less attention of GM activists or ani- puts a dent in the surface, like dense than the liquid, the sur- mal rights campaigners. It won't that made by a ball placed on a face around a bubble bends the be interesting nuclear physicists other way, creating a small either - that is, unless they are swelling. This means that bub- partial to a bowl of cereal. The bles will attract other bubbles, phenomenon of floating objects but repel a piece of cereal, and 'clumping' together, observed THE TECHNOLOGICAL vice versa. frequently at breakfast time IMPLICATIONS OF THE Vella and Mahadevan main- when pieces of cereal in milk “CHEERIOS EFFECT ARE tain that "the technological form miniature rafts, is known FAR FROM FRIVOLOUS implications of the Cheerios as the "Cheerios effect", and effect are far from frivolous", as now it has been explained for a possible application is the self- the first time. assembly of tiny electronic sys- Dominic Vella, a PhD student tems. The explanation can even in the Department of Applied rubber sheet. Other upturned shed light on water walking Mathematics and Theoretical pins can then slide down this insects, and exactly how they Physics, collaborated with dent and join the original one, move around on a liquid sur- Harvard's Professor L. ”producing a small cluster. The face. Mahadevan to produce an same goes for pieces of cereal. However, the paper's unusual explanation of the Cheerios Also, as the surface of milk subject threatens to place this effect, published in September's curves upwards at the edges of a research among such (genuine) American Journal of Physics. container (a passing NatSci will scientific efforts as "An Analysis The authors have combined sci- no doubt identify this surface as of the Forces Required to Drag entific literature with their a meniscus), a floating Cheerio Sheep over Various Surfaces", "own experience at home, in near the edge of a cereal bowl and the inspired "The Effect of the kitchen, and in the laborato- will move right up to the edge as Country Music on Suicide." GU scammed Birthday Lilie Weaver to sue... indicates strongly that they will not take action." Money Despite this, he does admit that if The troubled Graduate Union legal action were taken, "there is has become embroiled in yet a small risk that it wouldn't go more controversy. "European our way, since they could argue City Guides" [ECG] has threat- that there exists a contract." Cambridge is celebrating. The Vice- ened to take legal action over a Many thousands of businesses Chancellor, Professor Alison Richard bill of over £2,000 that has been have fallen foul of this con, explains why it needs a run up, after an advertising 'con- including a number of billion for its birthday. tract' was signed in 2001 "with- Cambridge-based firms such as out realising", by a representa- sandwich sellers Peppercorns, ur university is one of substantial increases in needs- tive of the Union. Cambridge Wine Merchants and the world’s best and in based financial support for This latest blow comes against the Cambridge Contemporary O2009 we will celebrate undergraduates and fully fund- a backdrop of ongoing financial Art gallery. 800 years of excellence. ed scholarships for graduate stu- troubles, executive bickering, Matthew Boucher from But what is it that makes dents from the UK and abroad. rashes of high level resignations, Cambridge Wine Merchants told Cambridge great? Many Colleges are also and as a result, a reluctance to Varsity how he has also experi- I believe it is our collegiate focussing on improving accom- take up positions on the commit- enced harassment at the hands of structure, providing our stu- modation particularly for gradu- tee. New president Alex ECG, after they initially contact- dents and our staff with intellec- ate students and all of us want Broadbent faces a tough chal- ed him in June. "As soon as they tual and social communities; to see student facilities continu- lenge - shoring up the Union's sent us an invoice, out of the our academics who are amongst ously improve. We hope for finances and trying to restore blue, I called to say we'd never the best in the world; and our example that the Campaign will confidence in a notoriously trou- booked an ad and that we exceptional students, who are enable the construction of a bled institution. As recently as wished to cancel it anyway. The tomorrow’s academic, political, new indoor sports complex in last year, the situation was so account handler said he'd see business and cultural leaders West Cambridge. serious that there was no gradu- what he could do. He clearly did We have recently launched This is a defining moment for ate representative on the not do very much because we the 800th Anniversary all of us. Higher education faces University Council, and they have simply received further Campaign, which for the first political and economic chal- made no appearance at the requests for payment". Boucher time embraces both the Colleges lenges and we are facing intense Freshers’ Fair. Soon afterwards, has since lodged a complaint and the University and which pressures as we seek to main- the then president, Ribu Photo: Michael Derringer with Trading Standards. Their aims to raise £1billion by 2012. tain our excellence and distinc- Tharakan, departed ignomin- spokesman Kevin McNamara Our objective: to secure excel- tiveness and to ensure that a iously after a vote of no confi- ECG in compiling their "inter- additional information that they said: "These scams go to consid- lence at Cambridge and ensure Cambridge education is avail- dence. professional guide" to cities offered "cheap stationery". She erable length to look legitimate that we continue to provide the able to the most talented stu- In this latest setback the Union across Europe. In actual fact, did not have the authorisation to but they are all to the same end, outstanding opportunities that dents whatever their back- has fallen foul of an ongoing buried in obscure language, the sign the document, as she namely to part local businesses enable individuals who work ground. Our response to these 'guide book' scam, which con- lengthy small print at the bottom worked in the Union shop. Since from their hard earned money." and study here to make their challenges is forthright: we are ceals exorbitant advertising fees og the form contains a statement then, Premium Recovery AG, a The British Advertising mark on the world. determined to define the future in a simple request for informa- binding the organisation con- debt recovery agency engaged by Standards Authority has received That is why the Campaign’s of Cambridge for ourselves; and tion. A company, 'European City cerned to place an advertisment ECG, have been bombarding so many complaints about the investment targets are simple we are ambitious. Guides', currently operating at a cost of €857.00 [approx both the Union - and the ECG that they referred the mat- and indicative of our commit- As the Campaign moves for- from Valencia, Spain, mail-drops £580]. It also states that this University finance department - ter to the European Advertising ment to: ward there will be many oppor- leaflets by the thousand to advertisement will be re-inserted with correspondence threatening Standards Alliance. EASA states - our students tunities for today’s students to unsuspecting businesses and every year for at least 3 years, at to take them to court, unless the that the leaflet is "misleading", as - our staff participate and help in organisations. These forms look additional cost. sum is paid. Broadbent is 'it is... natural that many recipi- - our freedom to discover Campaign activities both in the like genuine requests for infor- The Union became involved in adamant that they will not capit- ents thought, in good faith, [they - our collections and architec- Colleges and the University. mation, asking the company or 2001, when a former employee ulate, despite holding a fairly were signing] what ECG had tural heritage More information on the cam- association to supply information signed and sent back the form, tenuous legal position. He described as a "request" with no Specifically for our students paign can be found on the about their location and type of describing the Union as "a stu- believes that "the fact they are obligation to place an order'. The we aim to raise £300 million. Campaign web site at business. This is supposed to help dent support body" citing as still after us, and still promising company continues to operate. These funds will help us provide www.cam.ac.uk/800campaign 4 Varsity News 30.09.05 Cambridge in Extremism Row published this week by the summarised by Professor Glees ‘don’t add up to a compelling against. Professor Glees’ report image the BNP is attempting to Amy Goodwin Social Affairs Unit, and whilst in the statement that ‘ideas lie argument that higher education cites examples of the BNP infil- cultivate, has spoken of the its main focus is on the threat at the heart of higher educa- is a breeding ground for radical trating student debates to ask change in climate between his Cambridge University has been posed by Islamist terrorism, tion…and at the heart of all discontent and terrorism’. controversial questions and time at university in the 1960s caught up in a row over the universities such as Cambridge violent and terrorist political monitoring attendees’ reactions and today. ‘In the ‘60s it was all presence of extremist groups on have come under fire for effec- movements from Jihadism to The BNP has also reacted in order to isolate those who leftist shenanigans… anti- UK campuses. It was identified tively ignoring the existence of Animal Liberation’. Whilst strongly against the report, appear to agree with their ideas apartheid and all that crap’. He in a report by Professor extremist and terrorist activity recognising that ‘terror is the released a statement decrying after the discussion. Although believes that people are tiring Anthony Glees and Chris Pope by the BNP and the Animal antithesis of intellectual activi- the prominent place given to the Far Right has found mini- of the current ‘cultural censor- of Brunel University as one of Liberation Front. ty’, the report argues that the the party by the media. It mal support for its views within ship’ which ‘stops people debat- thirty-two institutions where core integrative value of free points out that Glees recognises British universities in the past, ing whether multiculturalism is extremism has been detected as The link between universities speech makes universities vul- the BNP as a ‘legitimate politi- the YBNP (Young British a good thing’. Professor Glees, a growing phenomenon. ‘When and terrorism and extremism is nerable to being ‘exploited by cal party’ and that Griffin has National Party) claimed in 2004 on the other hand, whilst Students Turn To Terror’ was groups who do not themselves never been accused of terrorism that it has a presence at 17 uni- stressing that he is an adamant support or uphold the liberal himself. A spokesman also versities across the UK and supporter of free speech, warns attitudes which produced mod- raised the question of whether membership had recently that universities have become On Campus ern western universities in the the SWP and their associate increased by 44%. Modern complacent about its possible first place’. ‘scum’ qualify as terrorists, communications such as inter- ramifications and should devel- UL Extension lighting and sound rooms. given their ‘outrageous vio- net chat rooms and text mes- op monitoring systems to pre- However, perhaps the most In the case of Cambridge, lence…certainly real “terror”’ saging have made it far easier vent terrorists using universities important addition is that of Glees points out that the leader towards Griffin when he was for the BNP to approach their as a base for their actions. He A £6 million extension to a lift, which will allow the of the BNP Nick Griffin, who invited to speak in Cambridge target supporters. Handing out states that the British higher Cambridge University ADC to offer disabled has been convicted several in 2000. Dr Phill Edwards flyers and leaflets incurs the education system has become Library looks set to be fully access for the first time. times of the crime of inciting claimed Glees had ‘no right’ to risk of being spotted by the ‘deeply ensnared in the extrem- operational by this autumn. racial hatred, graduated from discuss the BNP in the same Special Branch policemen who ist-terrorist nexus’. It will be used to house the Downing College. He also report as the terrorists responsi- are stationed at Freshers’ Fairs university’s extensive New Court for alleges that BNP literature has ble for the July 7th bombings at particularly ‘at-risk’ universi- Professor Glees admitted to archives and rare book Selwyn been found at Cambridge. A in London. He told Varsity that ties to monitor groups who Varsity that security is automat- collections, and will free up Selwyn College has University spokesman made it Glees’ recommendation to uni- might apply inappropriate pres- ically tighter at Oxbridge due to 30,000 metres of shelving celebrated the completion of clear that the BNP is not a reg- versity authorities that they sure to students. Although the the admissions and supervision elsewhere. More fundraising the first phase of £7.5 istered society and the Proctors, monitor student BNP activity NUS has a No Platform policy systems which do not make use is already under way to million development who are responsible for over- was no different to asking them which aims to provide a safe of UCAS’ Clearing system and facilitate the final phase of programme with the opening seeing discipline and public to keep an eye on CUCA, the environment for its members later make it harder for stu- the library’s development; a of a new building. order, ‘have not received any University’s Conservative by stating that ‘racists and fas- dents to ‘disappear off the further £7 million is needed The new building boasts 44 recent reports of unacceptable Association. ‘We have the same cists should not be provided radar’. However, he also noted to build another extension in new student rooms and 15 behaviour relating to the methods and the same aspira- with an opportunity to speak to out that Gordon Johnson’s the gap now visible from offices and was funded national political party’. Deputy tions as the Conservatives, we an audience at any NUS event’, objections to changing security Grange Road. entirely by donations from Vice-Chancellor and President only differ on policy’. extremist groups have proved measures at Cambridge derived Park and Cycle college alumni and friends. of Wolfson College Gordon able to elude these bans, often partly from cost and bureau- Master of Selwyn Professor Johnson has also expressed The BNP have, however, made by such simple measures as cratic impracticability rather Richard Bowring called it a serious reservations about the no secret of their hopes of renaming their societies. than a belief that the current The University has this week ‘significant moment for accuracy of the report, describ- building support amongst the system is totally impermeable. been presented with a ‘Safer Selwyn’. He went on to ing it as a ‘hasty appraisal’ of current generation of university The BNP’s Dr Edwards, who as Johnson warns that several of Parking Award’ for its Park & explain that it was ‘the first ‘weak’ analysis wherein the students, a threat which the the possessor of a first-class Glees’ suggestions risk ‘destroy- Cycle initiative. Set up in major expansion of the narrative is ‘decidedly thin’. He Student Assembly Against honours degree and a PhD is ing trust and the cultural values 2003 and situated off college’s buildings since the argues that the sources used Racism has consistently warned emblematic of the educated that are to be defended’. Madingley Road, the Park & 1960s’. Cycle provides secure parking and cycle storage for University staff driving PCto Visit into Cambridge from College No Charges for outlying areas. The system Community beat manager Girton Six has been commended in the for the colleges, PC Carole past for improving the health Langton, will visit of its users and lowering Magdalene College on Six students who were arrested levels of pollution. Wednesday, 5 October to on suspicion of raping a male ADC Access speak about crime undergraduate are to face no prevention in Cambridge and further action. Those accused, to mark students’ laptops. all studying at Girton, had been Builders moved in to the During the last academic due to answer bail on ADC again this summer as year there were more than September the 20th. part of the second phase of 500 crimes reported by the theatre’s multi-million students. The talk will take Cambridgeshire police pound redevelopment. The place between 2.30 and 4 spokesman Neil Franklin con- latest stage of pm. firmed that, “six men arrested improvements includes an on suspicion of rape in connec- extended bar and new tion with an incident at Girton College have had their bail can- celled following discussions with the Crown Cross Campus Prosecution Service.” Notes from a Leading the way The university will not run an small University in crime internal investigation and their press office stressed that as far Well known travel writer There were 34 reported rob- as both they and the college and former journalist Bill beries at houses owned by were concerned the matter was Bryson has been appointed Leeds University students now closed. A spokesperson for the chancellor of Durham last week, resulting in the the Girton confirmed they University. Bryson, who fell theft of almost twenty lap- ‘would be taking no further so in love with Durham so tops. Three students were action’. much he offered to let read- threatened at knife-point ers take his car to visit, said for their computers before The allegations were made in “I could ask for no greater having their wallets emp- March following an end-of- honour” tied. One of the students term event, and despite an described having left the ongoing investigation the six Glasgow in need front door open as “a bit of returned to sit their exams. The of a freshen up a schoolboy error”. college would not say if the stu- dents involved were back in Glasgow Student Union for- Animal Rights Cambridge this year. got to tell any of its stu- Fundamentalists dents that it was putting on claim Oxford A Girton student who wished to any events during Freshers Boathouse Arson remain anonymous said that week and by the start of Responsibility although the incident incident September had only sold had been ’concerning’, the stu- 600 tickets, out of an esti- Animal rights activists have dent body were ‘hardly affect- mated 3000. They were claimed responsibility for ed’. However he did say he forced to splash out on a the arson of the Hertford “I sat near you, scribbling something” hoped the college had since massive last-minute public- college boathouse in reviewed its security. ity campaign with Student Oxford over the summer, The only known portrait of Ted Hughes by Sylvia Plath is being Union president David stating that “Oxford Andrew Jeffries, Girton Grant praising the organis- University’s holdings now auctioned on monday.Ted Hughes later recalled that the portrait College’s Senior Tutor told ers for what “should have hold the contract to build was drawn in Cambridge when the recently married couple lived Varsity “We take the safety, been the best Fresher's the South Parks (Animal security and welfare of our stu- Week in years” Testing Centre) Lab and at fifty five Eltisley Avenue. It is expected to fetch £15,000 - dents extremely seriously and must take responsibility as will continue to review and a whole”. £25,000. maintain the highest stan- dards.” 30.09.05 News Varsity 5

Rachel Divall Both teams claim their Bruce will lead them to vic- Top dance coach Bruce Lait tory. Bruce Richardson told will return to train the The Telegraph, “If University team this year Cambridge want to win then Battle despite suffering injuries in they should hire me.” the London bombings of Newton rubbished the sug- July 7th. gestion, “We'd just like to say sorry, Bruce, but we're “Six weeks ago I thought I not that desperate. We like would never be dancing our Bruce much better!” again” said Lait, who dances professionally and performs CDC has seen a recent boost worldwide. Fortunately for in popularity, last year of the Cambridge he made a full boasting 2400 members. Lait recovery from his injuries says this largely thanks to and is currently on tour television shows such as with the Strictly Ballroom Strictly Come Dancing, Dancing stage show. ly against Oxford, are part of Strictly Dance Fever and the Cambridge Dance Club Whereas in Oxford competi- Strictly Ballroom, which Lait will coach in Cambridge (CDC). In Oxford the tors can earn a full blue and have ensured dancing is no three days a week, concen- dancers take competing enjoy external sponsorship, longer seen as ‘old-fash- trating on the University’s very seriously, their coach Cambridge’s dancers earn ioned and sissy’. Nicola Bruces dancesport team. He is con- Bruce Richardson admit- only a half and have no agreed, saying that show fident that they can break ting, “we are entirely external funding. This this these have helped erad- Oxford’s six-year strangle- focused on winning”. The means they bear much of icate dancing’s ‘gays and hold on the Varsity title. Cambridge team however the financial burden them- grannies’ image. “On some occasions I think pride themselves on being selves: those competing at Cambridge should have won more laidback. CDC’s Press university level should Richardson predicts the the competition…this year I Officer, Chris Newton, does- expect to pay up to £500 a Varsity competition could It’s strictly serious as top dance hope to make all my stu- n’t believe this will hamper year for lessons and match become as well-known as dents more consistent.” their performance: “we can costs – and team member the boatrace. coach returns to help regain maintain our relaxed atti- Nicola says this is on top of Cambridge’s Dancesport tude and still succeed at extras like shoes and ‘the Varsity title team, who compete annual- competitions”. all-important fake tan’. Controversial new stem cell centre in Cambridge

Professor Smith will lead the resources are the science. fund stem cell research. The university hopes that the Peter Morton new Institute for Stem Cell 'the best opportunity to make 'I view the current wave of Professor Roger Pederson left Institute will become a Biology's £16 million pro- real progress and compete optimism about embryonic his senior post at the European focus for 'the next It is hoped that stem-cell spe- gramme which scientists hope globally', commented stem cells with growing suspi- University of California four generation of medicine and cialist Professor Austin Smith, will lead to major Professor Smith, who will cion' warned eminent scientist years ago to join the scientists'. It has promised recently 'poached' from developments in the treatment work for both institutions until Lord Robert Cambridge team. He preferred over £12 million to the Edinburgh University, will of diseases such as cancer, moving to Cambridge perma- Winston.Cambridge has also its 'favourable circumstances Institute and hopes to attract speed-up Cambridge'sresearch Parkinson's disease and nently next year. attracted many US-based aca- and tremendous support' to more funding into neurological diseases. Multiple Sclerosis. However other experts are demics, frustrated by the prospect of 'sitting on his from charitable organisations. Cambridge's concentrated cautious about the potential of American unwillingness to hands' for years in the US. Catz Win by a Whisker

(from twentieth last David Marusza year) and Christ’s, 1 St Catharine’s College which fell below the St Catharine’s College second position it had 2 Gonville and Caius College have topped the occupied for the two 3 Trinity College Tompkins Table, which preceding years, to ranks Cambridge fourth. Selwyn College 4 Christ’s College Colleges by Tripos fell sharply from 5 Emmanuel College results, for the first eleventh to nineteenth time ever. The results of position, but significant 6 Pembroke College the table were pub- falls were also experi- 7 Jesus College lished by the enced by Newnham, Independent newspa- Corpus Christi, and 8 Queens’ College per on August 1. The Trinity Hall. Emmanuel Clare College unofficial table, which College lost the pole 9 is nonetheless eagerly position it had occupied 10 King’s College perused by dons and for two years, but did gives an indicator of a not drop far – placing 11 Robinson College college’s overall under- fifth in the league table. 12 St John’s College graduate academic per- formance, is calculated St. Catharine’s Senior 13 Fitzwilliam College by awarding colleges Tutor, Dr Paul Hartle, 14 Sidney Sussex College five points for a first, claimed to be experi- two for a 2:1, two for a encing ‘immense pleas- 15 Downing College 2:2, and one point for a ure and not a little 16 Corpus Christi College third. The results are post-impact concussion’ then shown as a per- following the result. He 17 Trinity Hall centage of the maxi- said the record crop of Churchill College mum points that could 122 firsts represented 18 have been scored (i.e. the ‘finest academic 19 Selwyn College the points awarded if performance’ in the his- all students in that col- tory of the college, and 20 Magdalene College lege had achieved a was a testimony to the 21 Newnham College first). The table was hard work of academics devised by the former and examinees alike. 22 Peterhouse College Cambridge Maths The college represents 23 Wolfson College undergraduate, Peter roughly the same stu- Tompkins, and has been dent background as the 24 Girton College published in the university as a whole, 25 New Hall Independent since 1981. with 43 per cent of intake coming from 26 Homerton College Besides Catz’ vault from independent schools Lucy Cavendish College seventh to pole posi- and women occupying 27 tion, notable changes two fifths of undergrad- 28 St Edmunds College were that of Kings, uate places. which rose ten places 29 Hughes Hall 6 Varsity News 30.09.05

approached by a visitor who this regard’ and were fter refurbishing King’s News Reporter felt this ‘little piece of informed that an upgrade to bar in more delicate America’ was out of place in English-accented voices Atones, it is the turn of ambridge was thrown this ‘wonderful historic city. could be effected. King’s breakfast for a long into disarray over the He immediately took action A happy ending was in overdue upgrade. Conference Csummer after new talk- on the issue, concerned that order as Councillor Herbert attendees and even students ing ticket machines were people ‘might worry that we told Cambridge citizens the can now enjoy the ‘Greek installed in Lion Yard car have sold off our car parks to ‘great news’ that local dialect yoghurt blitz’ and try their park, complete with authen- the Americans’. was to be restored.’I am not cereals with soy, rice and goat’s tic American accents. Car Park Manager Steve sure what type of English milk. The menu is cheeky Customers complained about Simonett replied to the accent we will end up with - enough to advertise ‘some Hot the ‘broad stateside drawl’ in Council saying that the estuary English, East Anglian Stuff too’, offering filled crois- which the phrases ‘That will Japanese-made machines or perhaps even John Arlott, sants and filled bagels to ‘fill be two pounds ninety pence had been originally intended but it has to be better than tummies’. For those who are please’ and ‘Have a nice day’ for the US market and the an American voice synthe- particularly daring in the were pronounced. Many of vocal software supplied with sised in Japan.’ mornings the ‘omelette du the critics were disappointed them reflected this. Lion jour’ might throw up a sur- American tourists who had Yard officials ‘made repre- “American tourists prise. been expecting a more tradi- sentation to the supplier in Needless to say, the college tional English greeting. had been expecting a assures us that ‘many of the The Labour councillor above products will be able to Lewis Herbert was first made more traditional take away’, a handy little dis- aware of the issue when greeting” claimer when the menu is changed to a cheap and greasy weekdays AmericanAn fry-up in a couple of weeks. DAVID HOWARTH In I N B L A C K P O O L vasion sunday Blackpool- not my choice for a week beside the sea. The whole place seems set up only for stag nights and hen parties - okay for one night in a lifetime, but not a whole week. My first appointment is a debate on devolution. We have argued for decades for more power at local level. My first speech, as shadow local government minister, is on the future of regional government. monday I sign pledges to switch off computers after use and turn off taps when brush- ing my teeth. The environmental theme continues with a meeting with WWF - we find that our views very much coincide. Later I’m obliged to make an appearance on stage as each of the party’s new MPs is paraded before Conference. The showbiz aspects of politics have never appealed to me, and this occasion is no different. tuesday A quieter day. Only two speeches. The main Conference puts off a discussion on the future of the Royal Mail. The idea was to raise money for local post offices by turning the Royal Mail into a company partly owned by its share- holders. Employee ownership is a very old Liberal theme. Dinner with the Met Office to discuss climate change wednesday My speech on ‘neighbourliness and social capital’, discussing the dangers of an oppressive, net-curtain-twitching concept of community! I meet with Cambridge Student Liberal Democrats Mark Gettleson and Seth Thevoz. Later, at the end of conference sing-song, Mark and Seth organise a Cambridge and ex-Cambridge choir to give a loud rendition of ‘The Liberal March’, an old campaign song. thursday Charles Kennedy’s speech is the sole big event of the day. Media reports of the Conference have questioned his future as leader, but the speech is a robust riposte. Charles is especially strong on Iraq, on civil liberties and on the environment, with a condemnation of Tony Blair for making excuses for George Bush on global warming bringing a roar of approval.

number, based on such chauvinistic through our pink lenses is far factors as engine size, girth or cockpit? removed from a celebration of their But perhaps these ‘spotters’ are not colour. incidentally organ latent racists, repressed by modern Birdspotting uses physical charac- zoe s my plane descended into a society. Perhaps we should let them teristics as its sole means of identifica- Agrey holiday destination, I take a closer look. From recent events tion; it may be full of assumptions thought I made out some it seems we are premature in our which might seem primitive. microscopic creatures, wrinkled and desire to overlook ethnic and reli- Conversely, it is only with this affec- multicoloured, shuffling beneath the gious inequality in favour of a blindly tionate attention to detail that the cloud. They seemed to have their optimistic emphasis on nationality. In abnormal behaviour of any group snouts raised into the air. glossing over the behaviour of racial under pressure, seeking disguise, As we got closer I realised they groups, we become blind to their suf- attempting flight, can be accounted were files of plane-spotters, bright- fering until we are embarrassed by for. eyed despite their weighty binoculars. disaster. It is no wonder, for instance, In these initial weeks of term They looked up at the white under- that people in New Orleans felt reject- everyone is looking at each other, try- side of the plane, as if it was the belly ed by the government’s slow response ing not to stare. Three years later, of a great sky-shark. to Katrina.’ In this case it took a hur- Freshers will laugh at their assump- But when we got to our cottage, ricane to illuminate the poverty- tions, but it is surprising how long the view from the living room was of stricken black communities, to bring these may have survived. To stop the backs of hundreds of birdwatch- the camera to the victims. The stasis skirting around the distinctive issues, ers. In the kitchen, which overlooked in the local economy petrified them: we need the calm, interested stare of the bay, enormous charts identified they were unable to use the infra- the birdwatcher. In Fresher’s week, “But perhaps these parts of whales and porpoises. structure of ‘their’ country to move at this might get a bit freaky. No one This was all voyeurism at its most all, let alone to escape a crisis. should be taking their binoculars to ‘spotters’ are not latent pure. But wasn’t this obsessive classi- Europe also shies from letting for- Cindy’s. Neither should they be fication all a bit Victorian? Hasn’t eign cultures develop within our assuming, like I did, that they should racists, repressed by mod- modern psychology yet persuaded us own- perhaps in banning the burka, go out with the ‘thesps’ and not with to recognise the repressed pied wag- or insisting on an oath of loyalty pri- the birdwatchers. On the coast, in col- ern society. Perhaps we tail in every gull? The latent porpoise marily to the government. In so doing lege, in parliament, we need less of in every whale? Should we not cele- we let multiculturalism dissolve into the hammered out rhetoric of free- should let them take a brate the androgynous mixture of the the flimsier multi-ethnicity. Unlike dom, less, in fact, of the theatre, and avian and the marine in every aero- the watchers, our lenses are tinted, more of the local action. Freshers: closer look.” plane, rather than reducing it to a and to agree to see a coloured person Explore your fellow creatures! NUMBINGVarsity Features 30.09.05 THE PAIN

Recent news reports linking painkillers to fatal heart attacks have provoked fears over their wider use. ZOE SMEATON and KRYSTYNA LARKHAM ask whether Cambridge students’ casual approach to over-the-counter use is cause for concern.

s thousands of students loads of ibuprofen gel before that I’ll get quite painful stom- is also prevented from produc- They estimated that 30,000 descend upon Cambridge games and during half time, ach cramps after using them.’ ing prostaglandins in the stom- people may be addicted to Athis weekend, an and that plus adrenaline was Worryingly, though, 55 per ach where they are normally drugs available at high street inescapable bout of Freshers’ usually enough to get by.’ cent of students Varsity sur- present to protect the stomach chemists. flu looms on the horizon once Many of us also seek help veyed were unaware that lining from damage by gastric As has been widely reported again. Given that 100% of stu- from painkillers to aid us painkillers could have any neg- acids. recently, a study this summer dents questioned in a Varsity through the exam, period when ative or painful side-effects at Drinking alcohol can linked some painkillers - survey reported often turning serious headaches are rife, and all, and just thirteen per cent enhance these effects of NSAIDs - to an increase in the to over-the-counter painkillers, there’s little time to recouper- had ever been warned of these NSAIDs, and one of the 50% of risk of suffering a heart attack. most of us will probably resort ate. effects when purchasing students who admitted to hav- However, 52% of students to popping such pills if we do One student, who asked to painkillers. ing combined alcohol and told Varsity that they were not fall ill. remain anonymous, atmitted to Taking painkillers too regu- painkillers said: "It didn’t prove at all concerned by these According to the survey, the finding everyday life in larly has long been known to a good idea." reports, with one remarking ‘So student’s favourite painkiller is Cambridge stressful enough to cause kidney damage, with Mixing alcohol with codeine can lots of things (cause heart paracetamol, because ‘it’s justify taking painkillers regu- high concentrations being is also a bad idea - this attacks), like drinking, not cheap and easy to get hold of’, larly. ‘I take over-the counter potentially fatal. painkiller falls into a class of drinking, eating red meat, and followed closely by ibuprofen, painkillers as a matter of course But perhaps the most com- dugs called opiates, which are not eating red meat.’ codeine and finally ‘wonder- throughout term, usually for mon problems caused by over- recognised by specific receptors Indeed, the report’s drug’ aspirin. headaches and sometimes the-counter painkillers are the in the central nervous system. researchers have themselves With luck, there will be no because I’m just so tired,’ she indigestion, stomach pains and When these receptors are occu- admitted that their results could major incidents similar to last reported. even bleeding in the stomach pied, they block transmission of have been skewed by other year’s poor, period-pain strick- ‘In general I’d say that by the caused by taking NSAIDs (non- pain messages to the brain, and unforeseen factors. But, coming en Cambridge student, who end of a term I’ll be taking steroidal anti-inflammatory so when taken with alcohol, as it does in a summer which dialled 999 after running out of some form of painkiller daily, drugs) like ibuprofen and which also depresses the central has seen drugs giant Merck painkillers. Nonetheless, the often the maximum recom- aspirin. nervous system, a fatal over- ordered to pay $253million to city’s pharmacies are sure to mended dose. As a result, I’ve A 2004 British Medical dose can occur. Carol Ernst, after she proved prove a popular haunt for flu- tried to cut down my use in the Journal report estimated that Codeine can also cause nega- her husband had died after suffering students in the first holidays, but often find that negative reactions to medica- tive side effects, including nau- through taking the painkiller few weeks of term. during the first few days I’ll tions could cause more than sea and sedation, making them Vioxx. Experts had previously But perhaps concerningly, reach for the painkillers just out 10,000 deaths per year in the unsuitable for exam time use. concluded that the drug could “ drugs are not just the preserve of routine more than anything UK, many of these due to The drug can also lead to feel- put users at an increased risk of MANY SEEK HELP FROM of flu-time. Twenty per cent of else. Although I’d like to use bleeding in the stomach. ings of euphoria, popular with heart attacks and strokes. students said that they regular- fewer painkillers during the NSAIDs work by inhibiting many people as one website So before reaching for PAINKILLERS FOR ly turn to painkillers, ‘even if term, I just don’t think this is an enzyme called COX raves: ‘Codeine is an excellent painkillers at the slightest hint EXAM - PERIOD they are not in that much realistic.’ (cyclooxygenase) at the site of opiate to start experimenting of flu this term, bear in mind HEADACHES pain.’ But doctors warn that taking pain They block the enzyme’s with. The effects are subtle like that whilst the immediate ben- Sport is the reason for many painkillers regularly, or even production of prostaglandins, marijuana.’ efits of painkillers seem to out- - one student suffering a back occasionally, can cause prob- which are the chemicals Codeine is an addictive sub- weigh longer-term risks, there injury, which at its worst lems, as this student seems to responsible for the inflammato- stance and last year, doctors at a are clear risks of negative side- meant he could hardly walk, have discovered: ‘I am aware ry response and the sensitisa- conference of the British effects. They are worth fully continued to play football that the painkillers I use can tion of nerve endings which Medical Association warned of understanding before using any despite his doctor’s advice to cause problems like stomach leads to the pain sensation. the risks of becoming addicted drugs, to avoid any dangerous ” rest. He explained: ‘I’d use ulcers, and I have often noticed Unfortunately the COX enzyme to over-the-counter painkillers. problems developing.

100% of students surveyed use painkillers 21% admit to using painkillers even when not in much pain 55% were not aware of painkillers’ potential negative side-effects 50% drink alcohol while on painkillers 26% have taken more than the recommended dosage of their painkiller 8 Varsity Features 30.09.05 BRAGGING ABOUT THE BOOKS THAT CHANGED THE WORLD

Amy Harris questions Melvyn Nineteen Eighty-Four The Solitaire Mystery Sons And Lovers The Tipping Point Laura Walsh, Liza Barry Professor John Beer Mr. H. Lewins Bragg’s reader’s dozen President, PhD student, Faculty of English, CEO CUSU Hutchsion/MRC Research Institute Peterhouse College Prescription Clothing UK welve Books that Changed the World is the somewhat bold title of I'd say it was George Orwell’s 1984. I would have to say The book Although I have often been influ- It’s really quite hard for me to pick Melvyn Bragg’s new four-part BBC series. The choice of books Apart from being the year I was which has most influenced me is enced by various texts, there is no out the one specific book that has T born, it is possibly the only book I The Solitaire Mystery by Jostein doubt in mind about the impact on been the most decisively influen- made for the series - written, edited and presented by Bragg - has have read more than once. I first Gaarder. It is a story which ques- me of D.H.Lawrence’s Sons and tial in my life. However, recently predictably received a huge amount of media attention. picked it up when I was 15 and, tions what we think we know is Lovers in the late 1940s. This was I have been very interested by The While popular discussion of literature and its influence on the modern along with the music I was listening real and what is fiction. I think I partly because I had recently Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. world can only be welcomed as a good thing, at times it has seemed that to, it got me interest- first read it when I worked in a It presents the the literati who are wont to regard Bragg and his South Bank Show as the ed in new things. At was 14, and liked it Nottinghamshire reader with some the time I was initially because it's coal mine and so very easy access guardians of cultural excellence have become enchanted by the trend for intending to study just a really good well knew the theories of psychol- ‘Top 100 Lists’ that so dominate our television screens in the current era. Maths, Biology, and story, but also countryside about ogy and really Chemistry for my A- because it really which he was writ- makes you look at The list seems not to have been compiled via debate and survey but by levels; six months made me think and ing, but even more the world in a later I was enrolling ask 'the big ques- because I so well more analytical Bragg’s own very personal taste. The First Rule Book of the Football to do Politics, tions'. Its main recognized the way. As the gener- Association, 1863 is included, a decision clearly derived from his personal History and Sociology - good job too influence was that it helped to ethos of the community—still, in al well-being of my company con- interests as a modern historian and avid football fan. Surprisingly, the list as I don't think I would have got in convince me to study science and my time, deeply puritan in its sistently depends on who buys does not contain a single non-British book, relegating numerous semi- here to do NatSci. It was the first philosophy at university (because instincts, along with its openness to what, and why, this book made for book that had excited me and it I thought they might provide the new experiences. Lawrence has both fascinating and essential nal works to the dustbin of world history. Fortunately, however, Patent showed me that I wanted to know answers). I've read it so many since become unfashionable, partly, reading. Even if you are not in the Specification for Arkwright’s Spinning Machine 1769 makes it on. more about the state, about politics times and every time I get some- I think, because of the belief (unfair, business of marketing, or anything Indeed, the final dozen books are generically so particular in their and about people. It led me on to thing different from it because it surely) that he propagated false remotely related, this book makes sphere of influence that they might best be re-titled Twelve Books That read more political novels, but can be read and interpreted on so views on gender, but he remains for you take a long hard look at how Orwell is without doubt my many levels, and it still makes me me, along with Virginia Woolf, one you are effected by adverts and Changed My World. favourite (and he wrote a book re-evaluate what I believe every of the most gifted and brilliant writ- branding, be it consciously or sub- about my hometown). time I read it. ers of the twentieth century. consciously. Bragg’s twelve books in full are Darwin’s The Origin of Species (1859); The First Rule Book of the Football Association (1863); Keats: Collected Poetry ty minutes later seemed an insult The Bible a scientific one, nor one I have read in Shakespeare’s First Folio (1623) Newton’s Principia Mathematica to my newly awakened sensibility its entirety, nor is it one I especially and I could not attend to a single Jonathan Middleton hold dear. Although not particularly (1687); Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations (1776); William James E. Montgomery, algebraic equation. religious, the Bible has certainly had a Wilberforce’s Speech to the House of Commons (1789); The King James University Reader in Classical Fourth Year Maths Student large bearing on my thinking and my Bible (1611); Patent Specification for Arkwright's Spinning Machine Arabic, Trinity Hall Keats does not change the world, Gonville & Caius College ethical views, and hence on the way I (1769); Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Vindication of the Rights of Woman in Melvyn Bragg’s terms, but he interact with others. It taught me to I remember clearly the first time I changes individuals. He writes Growing up I was fascinated by mak- think about ideas that are presented (1792); Michael Faraday’s Experimental Research in Electricity (1855); read Keats’ "Ode to Autumn". It about the private imagination and ing new discoveries. Failing to obtain to us, to challenge beliefs, instead of Marie Stopes’ Married Love (1918) and the Magna Carta (1215) was 2.45pm on a Wednesday in the right not to conform to public answers to questions can be extreme- accepting them blindly. If our beliefs, February, 1981, during a school conventions and expectations. He ly frustrating and has a tendency to whether a mathematical conjecture or English lesson. I realised suddenly put people off science. Being able to Nevertheless, inspired by Bragg, Varsity asked Cambridge academics, celebrates the capacity of reading something more theological, cannot the power of words to create a to transport one to other places find the answers (and new questions) stand up to questioning, then why students and businesspeople forthe books that have influenced and type of beauty I had never and to resist the outside world. So in science books was clearly very should we believe them? Through affected their lives. Their reasons for regarding their choices as seminal encountered before, and though I he’s the great poet of adolescence: influential on the path I have taken. encouraging me to think, the Bible are detailed right. didn’t have the vocabulary to rebellious, self-indulgent and full is without question the book that articulate my feelings, I was over- of wonder. However, the book that has influ- has most influenced my life thus far. whelmed. The maths lesson twen- enced me more than any other is not THE30.09.05 Features Varsity 9 STATE

Adam Welch WE’RE IN Student politics stands prepared again for a year of criticism and questions of its rel- evance to university life. Jessica Holland finds disgruntled activists splintering from the NUS and a new CUSU President determined to change perceptions of our union

s freshers open their uni- tive - was inspired by frustra- white.” the old men’s third team kit, Aversity information packs tions at the proceedings and The majority of students and the BBC doesn’t even and get used to the del- outcome of the annual NUS polled by Varsity felt that CUSU show the women’s boatrace. If uge of sexual health leaflets conference. In a statement, he operates best when focusing on you think we’ve achieved gen- appearing in their pigeonholes, criticised the NUS and its pres- small-scale local issues, like the der equality, just look at a many will ask what CUSU is, ident Kat Fletcher harshly. campaign for better lighting on sports field.” These campaigns and what it does, other than “She and the clique around Parkers Piece and the ‘Save will be formally announced in put on Tim Westwood at the her, many of them former left- WE SHOULD Architecture’ campaign, both the next week. Walsh is also Soul Tree and hand out dental wingers, have done nothing to “ high-profile successes. They steeling herself for rent strug- dams at the Kelsey Kerridge restore a campaigning link SORT OUT thought that wider issues gles with college bursars and Survey: The fayre. between the NUS structures should be left to autonomous the ongoing fight for access to But it’s not a question that and the students they are sup- groups on campus such as Cambridge from a wider range most can easily be answered by posed to represent. They have OUR OWN Roots and Shoots, CU Amnesty of schools. many Cambridge students. refused to organise a fight to International, People and Both Walsh and NUS important

While a Varsity poll reveals a repair the years of damage BACKYARD Planet and the new Education President Kat Fletcher have widespread lack of awareness inflicted by right-wing govern- not for Sale. Walsh’s own elec- made it clear that they will also service CUSU of the activities of Cambridge’s ment policy.” tion manifesto was ‘bringing be lobbying against the cost of student union, even some of “For the last two or three BEFORE CUSU back to Cambridge’, and tuition fees rising when the cap provides: those directly involved in the years there has been a real lack “ she told us she believes that is removed in five years’ time. organisation found it hard to of a political network to ANYTHING local issues “are the bread and “That’s something we still have define what CUSU’s role is and mobilise rank-and-file activists butter of CUSU’s work. We to fight,” Walsh said, while ought to be. Meanwhile, at a in the student movement,” he ELSE should sort our own backyard Fletcher promises that “the national level, a new network told Varsity. “ENS hopes to out before we start doing any- student movement and others for student activists is growing, become such a network.” The thing else.” in the education sector are 44% which could provide an alter- splinter group held its launch It’s a backyard that many organised and ready for 2010 native campaigning base. at a conference in Docklands in feel is in disarray. She admits to make sure that doesn’t not Health advice This comes at a time when September, attnded by many that communication between happen.” She is launching a and provisions the national student union is CUSU members in attendance, CUSU and the student popula- campaign specifically to also facing financial crisis and including Walsh. tion has been insufficient over address the issue called “On almost unprecedented criti- Walsh said that she benefited the last year – “they’ve been course… for a fair future” cism. “I think that the NUS has from the campaign workshops absolutely crap at letting peo- which was unveiled yesterday lost its way,” CUSU President the conference provided: an ple know what they’re doing” at the Trades Union Congress Laura Walsh told Varsity earlier example of training that NUS – and vows to do better. In headquarters. 31% this week, adding that the lack should be providing, but are response to the time-wasting While Education not for Sale of campaigning over the last not. “It’s going to play an propositions brought to council is also committed to a fight for Campaigning year, the postponement of the important role with giving the last year such as motion that “universal, free, secular educa- annual national demonstra- NUS a kick up the backside, the Ghostbusters theme-tune tion”, they also aim to address for minority tion, and the cutting of the which I think they probably should be played ‘at least once wider global issues such as NUS annual conference from need at the moment. But it’s an evening, preferably more’ at “anti-war, environmentalist, rights four to three days were due to not a threat to us. It does CUSU club-nights and the global justice, anti-sweatshop NUS’s focus on “trying to get things that we can’t do by law, ‘renam[ing of] ‘Easter III’ [the and anti-capitalist move- their house in order.” The and it encourages political third Council meeting in Easter ments”. Since the Education organisation is currently interest.” term] “Princess Sarah Council” Act, the NUS is unable to do £700,000 in debt. There is an ongoing debate in honour of the chair,’ she has this to the same degree. In the 13% Accusations of time-wasting about the degree to which the no regrets. “If two people want words of Mark Gettleson, “the bureaucracy and self-interest Cambridge and national stu- to propose a motion about NUS and individual students Discounts at have also been levelled at both dent unions should hold a anything I fully support their unions have been left with a CUSU and the NUS. Mark political stance. Some are frus- right to do so; whether I vote still unanswered crisis of faith, shops Gettleson, current chair of trated by what they see as a for it or not is a different mat- now legally unable to take the CUSU council, told Varsity that ‘watering down’ of the once ter. Those motions weren’t plight of the world on their “to call [the NUS] unrepresen- radically frontline NUS, while written by me or by CUSU peo- shoulders.” tative is an understatement. It others are adamant that as a ple.” It is for this reason that the seems the ultimate example of body representing a diverse “Most people don’t know formation of a new, organised ‘rule by those who show up’.” population of students it that anyone can propose a network for student activism 12% He also said that “NUS confer- should not take a specific party motion to council. You just has been seen by some as a ence hosts some of the worst- line. The legal requirements need two people and then it direct threat to the centrality of No services quality debates anyone has are that the NUS and its affili- has to be voted on by council. the NUS as a campaigning base ever imagined,” hyperbole that ates should campaign only on But council consists of JCR on campus. The sizeable over- CUSU many feels contains more than what effects the lives of stu- presidents, JCR officers and lap in membership of the NUS, a grain of truth. dents, but as Laura Walsh MCR officers. I don’t even get a Education not for Sale and provides are Questions were sparked points out, there is no clear vote on council. The JCR pres- other student grassroots groups important about the importance of the line to be drawn. “Issues like ident of your college actually such as People and Planet sug- NUS and its affiliates, such as women’s academic under-per- has more of a say than I do.” gests that they can co-exist CUSU, when a new student formance affects students in CUSU is launching three without competition, but if the activist network called Cambridge but it’s also linked awareness campaigns this year: group continues to criticise the ‘Education not for Sale’ was to other issues in the outside about mental health, educa- NUS so outspokenly, their exis- formed in September. The con- world about discrimination tional equality and women in tence may feel less like “a kick venor, Daniel Randall - himself against women and oppres- sport respectively. “You see up the backside” and more like a member of the NUS execu- sion. It’s not so black and women’s first teams playing in a kick in the teeth. 10 Varsity Features 30.09.05

Someone has found out a sensitive problem I have. They send me e-mails offering to fixing it, but I'm perturbed they found out THE (EXTREMELY) TALENTED in the first place. The people e-mailing you don't know a thing about you. They're sending you spam (unsolicited junk e- mail), in the hope that they might find someone to buy their product. They send out millions of e-mails very cheaply, and bank on at least one or two people visit- ing their website and buying something. MR RUSHDIE So is “$4.99 4 V14gRa” SHALIMAR THE CLOWN good value? His new novel has divided both critics and readers, Probably not. Viagra is a prescription drug, only avail- while his views on religion and politics remain as vital and controversial as ever. able via a trip to the doctor. Igor really only wants your EMILY STOKES SALMAN RUSHDIE money, whether or meets to dissect his celebrity not he helps you with penile dysfunction. Who's Igor? Egor is the Russian hacker who bought your e-mail address from another nefarious internet user. They could have obtained it in a myriad of ways, possibly just by randomly combining letters and num- bers for known domain names.

So isn't it illegal to buy am Salman Rushdie’s fourth not, of course, his glamorous what three short stories, I’d be backgrounds and its passionate and sell my address? interviewer of the day, and lifestyle, but rather the still- happier. I might occasionally love affairs, is neither current Possibly, it really depends on Inot the last. He greets me continuing aftermath of the make some foray if something nor autobiographical, it is where you and Igor live. warmly, but I notice he looks a publication of his Satanic really gets my goat, but I think almost irresistible to read his little weary. Cheerily, I ask him “ Verses in 1989, when he was that’s better than having a own experiences into those of O.K. let's suppose it is ille- about his touring: Brazil, WHEN I condemned to death under a constant presence on the news the book’s characters. gal, is Igor likely to find Edinburgh, London, America. fatwa by the former Iranian pages.’ Unfortunately for Rushdie, we himself at the ‘The speed of it is such that LOOK BACK spiritual leader Ayatollah I sense his relief when we can no longer read a Rushdie wrong end of an AK47 you get to a level of tiredness Ruhollah Khomeini. get on to the subject of his new novel without imposing onto it sometime soon? at which you never get rested,’ AT MY He seems infuriated that (ninth) novel, Shalimar the our own dramatised version of Probably not. Spam is big he says slowly. some quarters of the press are Clown. I enjoyed the book; it is his biography. business and usually results He sighs, and for a moment YOUNGER suggesting that this is the first fast moving, characteristically But even Rushdie himself in profit for he looks as if he might drop off time he has been allowed to to busy and a quicker, more grip- seems slightly fatalistic about someone powerful. Hence on the spot. ‘People have SELF, I’M travel abroad since the fatwa, ping read than many of his his life, grateful for the way most countries anti-spam decided that the cheapest way and rushes answers about his books – a bit like a thriller. It things have turned out, and laws are drafted using of selling books is to get the IMPRESSED past life that have evidently is the story of American happy to look back on his own overblown rhetoric and author to be his own sales- been used many times before: ambassador Max’s murder by history as if to admire the view unenforceable penalties. For men,’ he sighs. BY HOW ‘Nonsense, nonsense. It’s been his Kashmiri driver. What from the top. instance the U.S.A's Can- ‘Julian Barnes and I were on happening seven or eight years seems to start a story about It was when he was studying Spam Act 2003. the same radio show together DOGGED I now. For me it’s an old story.’ terrorism ends a revenge at Cambridge that he found and he’s coming to the end of But for most of us, this ‘old tragedy about lost love. It takes the story for the Satanic Bummer. Is there anything his book publicity. He said that WAS story’ is far too sensational to travel across continents and Verses: ‘without that, things I can do to stop Igor and in the last four months he’s be forgotten any time soon, time zones - and explorations could have been very differ- his comrades? written four hundred words. I and Rushdie’s writing as a into several family histories - ent,’ he says, dryly. As a Spam is big business, but so mean, writers are supposed to political journalist since then to fully explain the murder. History student at King’s, is stopping it. You could buy write and this is preventing us has meant that its essence has Rushdie tells me about a despite receiving an an 'off the shelf solution' from doing it.’ never been out of the newspa- group of travelling players he Exhibition, he missed a First; ‘I (e.g. McAfee SpamKiller, Rushdie is clearly fed up, ” pers for long. met in Kashmir when visiting became involved in student 24.99 for a and for a moment I wonder if I ask him about how he feels with a television crew, who theatre, and it began to seduce one year subscription) but he will last the hour-long about being seen as a political inspired him to write about me, I’m afraid. The college was there are other, cheaper, interview. He shakes his head authority on the Iraq war, on Kashmiri village life. They absolutely furious with me.’ I alternatives. suddenly, like a bird ruffling its terrorism and Islamic extrem- would tell him incredible sto- laugh, and he shrugs: ‘It hasn’t feathers, and lightens up: ism. ‘There is a problem,’ he ries off-camera, but, for fear of really hurt me.’ I don't like spending ‘Anyway, I mustn’t bitch,’ he says, nodding. ‘People who reprisals, ‘as soon as the cam- His first novel, Grimus money, so how am I going says brightly. ‘Lots of writers don’t know my writing – my era was on, they would say, (1975), had little success, and to keep my sparkling new would love the sort of atten- fiction – tend to think of me ‘our lives are fine, we are very he continued a part-time job in Hermes account clean and tion that Julian and I get.’ probably more as a kind of happy.’’ I glance at my tape advertising while working on reconstituted meat prod- But I soon see that it is pre- political entity, you know, recorder, wondering if it is Midnight’s Children: ‘There uct free? cisely the ‘sort of attention’ because they see me on the having a similar effect. I do was no reason to believe that I Be careful who you tell your Rushdie regularly attracts in news pages a lot. And for me notice that when he tells sto- ever would have any success. e-mail address to. Signing the press that is bothering him. it’s a real dilemma - on the one ries like this, he becomes I’d see people like Martin up for newsletters online can Perhaps more so than any hand, I do think these are immediately animated, less [Amis] and Ian [McEwan] induce a flood of spam. As other contemporary author, he important matters, and I do wary, and somehow more nat- with their first books becoming can leaving your address in is by now truly a household think I have something to say ural than when talking about very very successful, and it just chat rooms and on message name: the subject of caricatur- about them. himself. When he imitates the wasn’t like that for me. If I boards. Signing up for hun- ists, comedians and gossip It seems that if you feel you speeches of the Kashmiri play- look back at that younger self, dreds of societies at columnists alike. want to actually be part of a ers, he puts on an exaggerated the thing that I’m impressed Freshers fair can wreak I had always assumed that conversation about the world accent, smiles in a rather by is how dogged I was.’ havoc with an inbox - though he rather enjoyed his celebrity in which you live, it’s difficult crazed way and wags his head The clichéd concept of look- this isn't strictly spam. lifestyle: the cameo role in to say ‘I won’t do (political from side to side. 0It’s really ing back at one’s younger self Bridget Jones’s Diary; the commentaries) because it quite a picture, and so funny is strangely appropriate for And then? glamorous parties in New York might give people the wrong that he can’t help laughing at Rushdie, whose life, like those You can use Hermes’ inbuilt with long-term girlfriend, idea about me.’ But, it does himself. of so many of the characters junk mail filter. Log in. Click Padma Lakshmi (Bollywood kind of give people the wrong Rushdie makes clear that within his novels, has never on ‘Manage’. Then click movie star, cookbook writer idea about me!’ this novel is not supposed to stopped metamorphosing into ‘Junk Email’. Change ‘Filter and Harpers and Queen’s I’m slightly surprised by the be controversial, or even nec- new phases or changing loca- threshold’ to 5, then click twenty-eighth most beautiful preoccupation Rushdie has essarily to contribute to cur- tions. ‘Enable Filtering with this woman in the world); the hol- with his public image; he rent political debate: ‘A lot of He fantasises about staying threshold’. E-mail that idays with old friends Ian seems to find it very important people are saying to me that in New York at Christmas with Hermes now thinks is spam McEwan and Martin Amis, that he is known principally as this novel is very topical, and I Padma: ‘Maybe we’ll just sit in or junk is sent to the junk dancing with Nigella Lawson, an author of fiction. think ‘well, okay, but that’s a a room and look at each other, folder. Highland Games with Billy He explains that he has been complete fluke’ – because it’s a and watch TV and not go any- Doug McMahon Connelly. writing a monthly column for book conceived in 1999 and where’ he says, dreamily. But, and perhaps due to the the New York Times syndicate. published in 2005; I couldn’t Evidently, what constitutes a endless line of interviews he is ‘I think I might stop, actually,’ really think about it being top- normal Christmas for most of on persuaded to do, he seems he says, as if the idea had just ical.’ us has become a novel concept the explicitly aware of the fact that occurred to him. ‘I think I’m But despite his claims that to Salman Rushdie. ‘It would his own public life has in many going to go into retreat. If, the novel, with its story of be very nice just to live in one web ways overtaken his writing. instead of writing those twelve murder and attempted murder, place and get on with it, but I The main reason for this is columns a year, I could write its unravelling of identities and guess that’s not my fate.’ 30.09.05 Features Varsity 11

Mirror, Mirror 01. The Perfect Shave Step One: Take a hot shower to (fewer strokes mean less irrita- open up and relax your pores. Or, tion). But c’mon - this one let the warm water run and get vibrates. And it looks like a light your face as wet as possible. This sabre in neon green. Keep skin will soften the beard. Shaving is tight to avoid nicks and cuts. like a Trojan horse; you have to pamper the skin with gifts before Step Five: Rinse everything off you ravage it. with cool water and dab dry with a towel. Step Two: Exfoliate, rubbing the Step Six: This the step that will product against your skin for sev- keep you looking adonis-like. eral minutes and rinse off. It’s hard to find the right product for you. The wisest thing to do is to work your way into the hearts and rooms of girls with good skin. While she is recuperating from throes of passion, raid her bath- room. It beats the embarrassment of having to go to Boots and ask for samples. Clarins One-Step Gentle Exfoliating Cleanser is a good two-in-one, available for under £20 at Boots.

Step Three: Now that the skin is Where you would normally stop, soft and the hair relaxed, mas- grimace at yourself, red-faced sage shaving foam into a thin and itchy and head off for another layer over your beard. Anthony’s day. No longer. Now there’s Shave Gel for sensitive skin Creme de la Mer. Developed by makes pores feel like they have some scientist to cure himself of just taken a breath mint, because chemical burns, this is the most of the aloe and sea kelp. Anthony advanced cream available. But Logistics for Men is a line of prod- quality comes at a price. At £120 ucts developed especially for men a jar it will last you two months and its minimal look and mathe- used twice daily. Or, £1 per use. matical sounding name soothe But you might as well - you’re only the hurt male ego (as well as the going to spend it on alcohol. But skin). unlike a pint, which dehydrates skin and makes you fat, it will Step Four: Work out what direc- leave your skin glowing and fresh. tion your beard grows in. And it will make you truly happy Generally it grows down to the and fulfilled with life. Now every- neck and up to the chin. This is one will want to be you. the direction you will be running your blade. I suggest the Gillette Benj Seidler M3 Power Razor. Generally the rule is the more blades the better

quick recipe

Sausage and Baked-Bean Casserole Freshers - let’s start modestly. Get back to basics with this soft introduction to gyp room cooking - a hearty dish that serves two or three. What better way to get to know your new staircase? Estimated Price: £3 Ingredients Instructions 1 tin chopped tomatoes 1 min - Heat oil in pan 1 small tin chickpeas, drained 5 mins - Add onion and garlic; 1 small tin kidney beans, fry on a medium heat until soft drained 7-10 mins - Transfer to plate; 1 pack sausages, cut into 3cm add sausages to pan and fry pieces until golden brown 1 small onion, thinly sliced 10 mins - Add rest of ingredi- 1 clove garlic, chopped ents, including onions and gar- 1 tsp olive oil lic. Cover and cook on a medi- salt and pepper (to taste) um heat for 20 minutes

You will need Serve with 1 medium-sized knife A fresh salad and crusty bread 1 frying/saucepan 1 wooden spoon Lionel Nierop 1 hollow plate or bowl 12 Varsity Features 30.09.05

THE BUYER’S GUIDE: wher e to buy

MARKETS HEALTH FOODS & 1 Cambridge general market (Mon-Sat SPECIALIST SHOPS 09:30 - 16:30): Fresh produce, fresh meat 6 Fuji Food Store (Tue-Sat 12:00 – 17:00): and fish, cheese, home-cooked bread and Japanese and Korean food and snacks pastries, delicatessen. from kimuchi to lotus root to frozen eel. 7 Holland and Barrett (Mon-Sat 09:00 – 2 Sunday farmers’ market (10:30 - 17:30; Sun 10:30 – 16:30): Organic and health 16.30): no produce but organic foods, a foods (incl. gluten-free, veggie and vegan wider variety of organic, deli and health etc.), dietary supplements. foods, and luscious cakes and pastries. 8 Cambridge Health Foods (Mon-Sat 09:00 – 17:30): Same as above, with a cooked food counter attached. 9 Cambridge Cheese Company (Mon- SUPERMARKETS & Fri 10:00 – 18:00; Sat 10:00 – 17:00): award -winning delicatessen that smells of CONVENIENCE STORES olives-in-vinegar. Foodie heaven. 3 Sainsbury’s Central (Mon-Sat 08:00 – 22:00; Sun 11:00-17:00): As the name suggests, but habit-form- Freshers, despite what you may begin to ing. Remember, there is life outside… think by the student proliferation of the ubiquitous carrier bag, be aware that 4 Marks & Spencer (Mon-Tue 09:00 there is grocery shopping life ouside - 18:30; Wed-Sat 08:30 - 19:00; Sun Sainsbury’s. Cambridge has a great range 11:00 - 17:00): No need to say more. of foodstores which, although perhaps not as immediately convenient as The Big 5 Regent Street Convenience Store Orange One, offer a rewarding array of (Mon-Thu, Sun 08:00 – 23:00; Fri-Sat ingredients at decent prices - especially 08:00 – 23:30): small but perfect for pertinent for those with allergies, or those emergency supplies and basics. seeking organic or hard-to-find produce.

Wendy Tsang Man Pun & Tom Kingsley

High-Street chic We rate Cambridge’s prolific chain restaurants

“An embarrassing high- By Joe Schutzer- before Jamie Oliver did on TV. sense, it ought to. The second, profile spat at the launch Weisseman Brown’s tries hard to be more fiercely held here than in of The Mays saw a for- e all have friends who “classic;” a futile pose whose France, is that French “cuisine” mer editor accuse his will one day organise end result, by some popular is somehow more “haut” than sucessor of copying his Wbirthday parties in twist of logic, is the utter dearth any other local swill. In France ideas - to which the fast-food chains for their brats. of anything decent to drink this is often true, but over here youngster quipped in And for all their brat's friends, except cocktails. The indoor it basically means paying more reply that his accuser, in fact for everyone in that brat’s foliage is grimly reminiscent of a for your bit of Friday night “je best friend and appointer class because they are not cruel hospital, which is what it once ne sais quoi”. That is a direct was incapable of original enough to recognise that, even was. quotation from the Café Rouge ideas aged six, some children are just Chèz Gèrard is better than website as is “the vibrant atmos- brats. These well-meaning Café Rouge though the food is phere that moves with your friends are just the type to send essentially the same. Both are moods throughout the day.” If A benevolent missive from our man in the pulpit round-robins about their charity founded and founder on two that doesn't put you off, maybe t seems that some is he carrying? Why hasn’t he brought back happy news of a work in Sri-Lanka, they proba- trendy misconceptions: the first the Edith Piaf will. Cambridge actors fell victim left yet? Isn’t he wanted in former CUSU bigwig. bly have more face-book friends being that café culture has never Pizza Express is always Ito the curse of the Scottish Monaco? Apparently he now spends his than, well, friends and they will existed in this country because tasty, cheap, unremarkable and play at this year’s Edinburgh Decades behind the beer days “fluttering like a butterfly often, in lieu of real parties, we're just not sophisticated thus commendable, as is the pit- Festival. Cambridge’s leading pump leave your arms as burly from one reception to another, organise trips to chain-restau- enough and that, despite British tance they purportedly give to actor(s) were advised by one as a wrestler’s, as two Jesus surrounded by a whirl of ador- rants just like proper grown-ups weather and dress- save the sinking Stones of reviewer “to look for a day job undergraduates recently ing fans.” His denials of any do. Like these platitudinous lit- Venice. In Cambridge the word after graduating.” CV available learned. After the consummate political ambition have done lit- tle friends, chain-restaurants on the street is (and has been for at cambridgeleadingactor.com. consumption of six pints each, tle to quell rumours that he is cannot always be avoided and some thirty years or so) that the Further acclaim must be piled one of them disgraced himself, destined for Downing Street are often actually quite nice. Pizza Express pittance pays for onto the celebrated Cambridge leaving the pub floor awash (ahem). Loch Fyne is the best. the Pitt Club above. If this comedy troupe that won the with ale and amino acids, The food is reassuringly is true then you can feel coveted Time Out award for the which he was then forced to worst show at the festival. clear up. It’s a hard mop life! expensive and generally yourself doubly benevo- unpretentious- “pan- lent every time you go CUSU members (that’s you) The male Freshers’ reps at seared” and “poached” (for saving the sinking might find it reassuring to which sport-loving college have appeared on this Stones and the stinking check out their Academic been strictly instructed not to “The male menu Sloanes.) Affairs Officer Drew take advantage of their college Don’t ever go to Livingston’s Facebook profile, daughters in an effort to pre- Freshers’ reps at “the Filling Station” in which he offers up the vent a repetition of last year’s even if you’re trying ‘interesting fact’ that he ‘hasn’t love romp, in which there were one college have to be funny. It’s read a book in 3 years!!!’ allegedly five incestuous cou- about as witty as plings? Woody Allen wannabes been strictly Talking Ts opposite. Does anyone know why dis- should not be unduly alarmed, graced ex-Graduate Union however, as the ban only instructed not to president Ribu Tharakan has extends to the first two nights. taken to wandering around take advantage of Cambridge with an armory of Acolytes who attended the Louis Vuitton suitcases ? What Labour party conference have their daughters” 30.09.05 Comment Varsity 13

MINISTER The Pro Bono brigade FOR HIGHER It’s annoying when bio-bashers bite back EDUCATION Bill Rammell

here can be no doubt: edu- Poole cation in the UK is getting Katherine Tbetter. Standards in schools are higher than ever - more pupils are getting the quality loody Bono. deeper psychological terms this is understood that there is a yearning establishment, green- out to its own advan- teaching and support they need Just how drawbridges at work as nagging, producing a for boundaries, instruc- ness can also be Quite tage. Besides, when no to succeed in life. sanctimo- here. mental block equivalent tion, cooperation and Middle Class. ‘Ethical other blighter is lifting a But we have a lot to do to nious can a Suggesting that some- to three foot of lead at community - but with living’ is actually a cool- finger the burden of raise the aspirations of more of click of the one adopt different the request, say, to the implicit assumption ness black hole (see planet saving falls on these pupils to get them to uni- fingersB be? Yet if we habits and values is switch the TV off at the that other people are Chris Martin). There is a the few, and this versity. The benefits of widening respond to the inevitably results in participation for the economy Irishman's exaltations vegan shoes and and for society are clear. with mild distaste, we knitwear the colour of We know there will be a sig- should also spare a tree fungus. Coolness is nificant increase in jobs requir- thought for the singer new, now, tomorrow. ing HE level qualifications. himself. As an ecologi- Green-ness is last Enabling more young people to cally aware individual, I week’s yoghurt pots fulfil their potential by going to have found myself in used to plant next university is one of the biggest the 'Bono position', and month’s seedlings. tasks we face in education and have a measure of sym- Reared on a binge one at which we are determined pathy for its difficulties. versus diet mentality, to succeed. For you see, we do- we see fun as naughty And we are making progress. gooders feel it too. We carelessness, and any More students from state schools sense your disdain. We kind of self-restraint as and less well-off backgrounds cringe in advance. dull. are in university than ever Indeed, so strong is this Yet as our lives are before. There were an estimated feeling that I get nerv- inescapably moulded by 26,000 more starting full-time ous loitering before the all manner of influ- degree courses in 2003/04 than organic, hovering ences, why not an envi- in 1998/99 - an increase from around the recycled; ronmentally sensitive 85 per cent to 86.8 per cent. fearful of creating the ethos? It’s not about Figures for young entrants from impression that I might self-righteousness, it’s low-participation neighbour- be some kind of Bio about doing a bit - your hoods also showed an increase Basher. This is not, bit. over the same time period - therefore, another arti- Poor, impoverished, from 12.3 per cent to 13.9 per cle asking you to be economy brand scoffers cent, an estimated 7,000 more more eco-friendly. It’s some of us may current- entrants. an article asking why ly be, but at some point Young people from the most you must get so grumpy we will all be part of advantaged areas are five to six when asked to be more that giant focus group times more likely to go to HE eco-friendly. known as ‘consumers’. than those from the least advan- Whenever I drop into Often it’s just a case of taged areas. And we know that conversation anything rejecting nonsense, such too often, students with high remotely environmen- regrettably close to set instead of leaving the problem. Meanwhile vast distance (no doubt as those pre-packed sal- grades from disadvantaged back- tally aware, (however telling people what to the little red light on. the eco equivalents of an area the size of ads with a little tray to grounds are simply not applying well hidden the inner do and how to think, The developing tradi- these shows are tucked Wales) between peat separate the cucumber to universities with the most monologue of “No! which has an unfortu- tion of arse-whupping away early on a BBC2 and moss and, well, from the tomatoes from demanding entry requirements. Disposable dusters? nately negative air of ‘advisory’ programmes evening, where no one Pete and Moss. the cheese. It’s a bit This is a trend we need to Why?!!”) it's almost as autocracy. Furthermore, (see: Supernanny, goes unless they fancy a Essentially leftie, green- much when even salad reverse. We have a long way to if I've just told a partic- items are demanding go, but are certainly moving in ularly tasteless joke their own dressing (ho the right direction. From 2006, (have you heard the “There is a vast difference between peat and ho) room. there will be more financial sup- one about Michael Small changes don’t port to help students from less Jackson and his new moss and Pete and Moss” mean you’ll never see a well off backgrounds go to uni- penchant for twenty cheap luxury again, and versity. Students whose family eight year olds?) there’s no risk of pre- income is less than £17,500 will Yet the student popu- people are understand- That’ll Teach ‘Em, that bit of nagging. ness entirely fails to senting Bio Bashing be entitled to an annual grant of lation generally has a ably wary of being given one where they set up a For despite having all capitalise on its subject symptoms yourself, so £2,700 and there will be help for solid tradition in terms direction, in case in the trailer park of night- the necessary creden- matter, allowing practi- try not to be so sensitive all students whose joint parental of ecological activism: end it turns out to be a mare neighbours, and so tials of being innova- cally every other damn when quizzed about income is less than £37,425. We there must be some bit wrong. In domestic endlessly on) suggests tive, kooky and anti- product to whore nature your choice of chicken. estimate that over 50 per cent of students will be eligible for some level of financial support. Universities are responding too, providing £300 million in bursaries to nearly half a million Please sir, can I have some more? students from lower incomes. We are also working with universities, schools and colleges In defence of Channel 4’s annual Big Bother to make application procedures fairer. One of the resounding conclusions from the Schwartz Tim Roach report is that a system that relies upon predicted grades cannot be fair. Our proposals for a Post nother summer gone, another series discovery of a point of connection suffi- all done! And you? Oh, it’s alright. Need If we waste 15-30 minutes a day con- Qualification Application process of Big Brother down the televisual cient for the participants to feel comfort- to write an essay tonight though! Shame, versing with known unknowns, it means would ensure that students get a Adrain. able enough to bring it to a conclusion. we’re all going to the bar. that for every 48 years of our lives, we place at university based on And with it, the celebratory drinks For good friends, this might be after two Ahhhhhhhh! We wouldn’t put up with lose one entire year. actual ability rather than often clinked to the what-a-load-of-crap-Big- hours; for others, after two minutes. This a daily kick in the balls; or being urinated But for three summer months, we are inaccurate predicted exam Brother-is argument. The contestants were is not to infer that we enter every interac- on; so why should we endure continual able reclaim some of our life. BB is juicy grades. We are also supporting either too boring or too weird. And who tion looking for the quickest exit - but that communicative diarrhoea? enough to speed up our interactions, uni- research into the validity of cares anyway, so the argument goes - why in order to exit we need to find common- I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t take an versal enough for most of us to know using a Scholastic Aptitude Test should such nobodies plague our prime- ality; even if that is us having nothing in interest in our peers - or that (even worse) something about; yet vacuous enough not (SATs) in university entrance, to time? common at all. we try to be ‘out there’ and propose some to dwell on. find out whether it would help The retort seems simple: just don’t To borrow from Donny Rumsfeld, I am random conversation that neither can So Channel 4, please, not just 24/7 on identify students from disadvan- watch it, then. But I will not be so unam- interested here in the known unknowns: cope with and serves only to prolong the E4, but 24/7/52: for nothing satisfies a taged backgrounds who have bitious. With all its faults, BB serves us a as I define, people too familiar to ignore agony. But - shock horror - most of us point of connection more efficiently than the potential to benefit from very genuine public good. Not only should but not close enough for us to care about don’t really care what known unknowns recounting a shag in the hot tub or a wine higher education. it be shown all year round; but we should, what they have to say. Conversation with are doing over Christmas; or how their bottle in an orifice. I am confident that we are in the authoritarian spirit of its namesake, such individuals is distinctly imperfect: work is going; or whether they will be in juicy enough to speed up our interac- building an education system be forced to watch it. awkward, forced, dull, and inefficient. the bar tonight. So why talk about it? tions, universal enough for most of us to giving everyone the opportuni- Consider for a moment our daily inter- Even at University - a supposed hive of And when there is nothing obvious know something about; yet vacuous ties to get on in life. For many actions. With good friends, with not-so- intellectual communication - our interac- beyond our templates to converse about, enough not to dwell on. young people, going to universi- good-friends, with people you wish you tion with known unknowns is dominated the unimaginative ritual can extend far So Channel 4 Executives, please, not ty is a life-changing experience, never had the misfortune to ever meet, by template conversations. The type that beyond what we would like. Not only are just 24/7 on E4, but 24/7/52. At least and the best route to a secure with complete randoms. Each merits a takes little effort, and achieves nothing at such interactions inevitably longer because when exams are beginning, not just end- future. We have some of the minimum of a look in the other direction, all: How are you? Great. And you? Fine. they are so open-ended, but we become ing: for nothing satisfies a point of connec- best universities in the world but most will involve some form of con- How was your Christmas? Not bad. And so bored of the same chat that it is harder tion more efficiently than recounting a and it's only right that all able versing. yours? Quiet. Just spent it with the family. to find a sufficient point of connection shag in the hot tub or a wine bottle in an students, regardless of their The art of conversation, I suggest, is the How is the work going? Not sure I’ll get it enabling us to exit. an orifice. background, can enjoy them. 14 Varsity Comment 30.09.05

he general election had a low, low turnout. Big Brother gets lots of Tvotes. To make this situation bet- ter, first we have to make it worse. Let’s take the ‘one man one vote’ idea at face value. Every man and woman in the country is issued with one vote at the start of a new government. It is their democratic right to use this vote as they wish – either save it for the general election, or spill it on Big Brother or some such. Maybe a Richard and Judy poll on whether you think Kate Moss should donate her face and bottom to a better mother. It would make for an interesting dilemma for Tory MPs at the moment – get Ken Clarke in as leader at the expense of being able to vote for him to run the country. Just what you needed: some bloody good satire to give a kick up the arses of the people who need it and make the world better than it was before you read it. For every student who reads that first para- graph, approximately five hypocrites Intern(v.): to imprison or detain will become sorry. And if one of those hypocrites reads it – wow! Badness will become just a concept, Work experience is dull. But is there a more serious problem?

not a thing… Politicians will be bet- Jon ter, even in the past… Disease will o the fresher meat amongst you, could take solace in their salaries, howev- release. move out and get its own semi’… a sincerely warm welcome to er meagre. Unlike me. Yes, I have dabbled; But as paths of principle have been bro- Ex-lovers will mend the hearts they this ridiculous place. To those now I want to confess. For horror tales of ken into higher education’s middle class broke… All our Christmases will be Tchewy with the gristle of years: casual work experience’s ritual humilia- exclusivity. and the old-boy network’s white and God will turn up and welcome back, you jaded bas- tion, of days in which clicking ‘refresh’ on power over place-securing wilted, perhaps explain everything in a way which tards. If all is going to plan, the former the BBC online Ashes scorecard repre- the insecurity bred by meritocracy has bit- makes an awful lot of sense and should be indulging in a bewildering week sented the height of both physical activity ten. How to set oneself apart when any- we’ll be able to tell from the tone of of vast opportunity, too much alcohol and and intellectual rigour, just ask your hum- one – from anywhere – might obtain a top his voice that it’s a proper reason, not enough time. Meanwhile, we latter ble reporter. I did it all, gratis, and I feel degree simply by being intelligent not just an excuse. Peace will be curmudgeons might spit that this five-day dirty. enough? Make damned sure your CV Swaine larger, and ‘wars’ will be ‘was’! feeding frenzy makes for a neat micro- But even for our remunerated heroes, reads like a copy of the Top 100 Graduate It’s dripping in whimsy… there’s cosm of what can be expected over the can these eye-bleedingly dull pursuits Employers guide, that’s how. some irony stuck on its shoe… the next 500 or so. really be about the money? Personally, I And so, I give you a simmering access topicality’s six months out of date…† Three years, for most of us. Nine short doubt it. And as vital as the proper trans- problem of the future. Just as Oxbridge Welcome to Satire! terms in which to really shape up for the fer of skills and traineeships are, it seems gets off its backside and recognises the George Orwell said ‘Every joke is a Other Side – to live independently, form a quixotic to imagine that the industrial need to plough application-shy areas for tiny revolution.’ Not for the first time, he robust set of principles and opinions, wisdom of generations might be absorbed poorer-background stars, so those who was wrong*. Many jokes do nothing but elbow into the right social circles, purloin by some process of osmosis-by-photo- can afford to spend their vacations swan- reinforce received opinion and com- a future spouse and, of course, to suffi- copying. ning around the city get one over on those mon ideologies – see Jimmy Carr** and ciently master an academic discipline to who must put in the hours at Safeway just his funny jokes about disabled people, squeeze out that decent 2.1. Still feeling to live and eat here during Term. gay men and female women. The prob- calm, freshmen? The potential is Yes, some placements are paid, often lem with ironic bigotry is if your audi- But just as you will be shocked at how quite well. But of these, where are the ence laugh, they haven’t got the ironic quickly Lectures Thursday comes, so most considerable and most CV-boosting positions based? In bit. † The only desirable reaction is a of us will be spat into graduate existence London, hundreds of miles away from sentient clap. feeling as if Matriculation were only yes- serious for a quietly thousands of Cambridge students. For But here we’ll have thoughtful, terday. I know I’m not alone in my desire renewed entrenching of those looking to break into fields like Law angry, partisan comedy. † Every line to live a perpetual part IIA, but there are and Banking, rent will gobble any earning will be dwelt on. Every line will have a plenty who seem decidedly unfazed by opportunity by the potential. And for those keen to take posi- purpose. Starting next week. Varsity this Cantabrigian culture of haste. You privileged few tions in traditionally unpaid sectors, like Satire will grow and seep into places know the type. Perhaps it’s you. Getting shadowing in politics or the media, feasi- where you wouldn’t expect it (like in was fine, but your eyes have long been bility becomes smaller still. Sport or maybe Comment, or in the fixed on the next phase. Citigroup over Why, then? We all know why. In case Simply, the potential is considerable middle of an otherwise enjoyable Christmas, McKinsey at Easter and, for somebody else does. For fear that the pre- and serious for a quietly renewed Chick Lit novella). Contributors will the long Vac, secretly running the show at cious CV addendum might fall into the entrenching of opportunity by the privi- come and multiply and disagree and Number 10 while Tony tans with Sir Cliff. hands of a future job interview rival, leged few, without any of the public be funny. And if one of them doesn’t Intern (v): ‘to imprison, detain or con- whose month spent having an Excel awareness and pressure to reverse it felt turn out to be the next Swift, I’ll self- fine.’ But don’t just take the Oxford spreadsheet permanently fused onto their by our universities in more basic issues of harm. English chaps’ word for it. Ask some of line of vision will prove them far better access. That last line wouldn’t get in. Nor your fellow students, who spent their qualified than us. And then we might So, a plan: everyone promises not to would that one. This one would. Next summers inputting endless rows of data, have to become a teacher, or something. apply for any more life-sapping intern- week: More Satire, less whimsy. assessing just what are the risks of a man And as we see neighbours fretting over ships, and we all enjoy our vacations – To help you think properly about this, walking a dog or, much worse, being in securing that vital placement, so we fret. and Terms – safe in the knowledge that no lines are marked with a ‘†’ if they are constant proximity to management con- And we make everyone else fret. How on one is crippling anyone else’s career definitely not ironic. † sultants. Earth did we get into such a state? prospects. It seems unlikely, I suppose. They’ll be easy to spot. Those odd little By levelling the playing field, perhaps. Still, to all freshers, whether wide-eyed * See ‘1984’ and ‘Animal Farm.’ 1984 bruises up their arms? That’ll be all the While the new statistics on state school and overwhelmed or mildly irritated at went without much ado, and pigs are still silly. self-pinching, convinced of it being a ter- university admissions showed that results this necessary distraction before all the big rible dream they’re trapped in, and not are still far from satisfactory, a perverse money starts rolling in, a plea: relax, and **I really don’t like Jimmy Carr. Nor the real-life set of The Office. comfort might be derived from the unani- savour your three – or however many – should you. But at least, like Tim Canterbury, they mous discontent expressed on their years here. They will go far too quickly.

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Shifting the blame free stress relief that you February. Letters The joy of ICM can have. Although it would be ridiculous to suggest that a Continued from front page... cold calling Weak Chat Admissions tutors defend themselves by discarding targets as being Yours sincerely, molly coddlying approach unattainable because they solely focus on an A-Level system that allows Joe Gosden should be used for finalists uncontrollable numbers of students to achieve top grades. Cambridge Dear Sir, Downing College who may be anxious about Dear Sir, has made it clear that they will not be exercising any form of positive Has anybody else had the career choices, more A note on trite discrimination. Bill Rammell, responding in Varsity today, has clearly pleasure of being part of an opportunities and support conversations in freshers’ stated that individual universities are responsible for admissions. He has ICM survey this summer? More options are definitely needed. week: previously been quoted as saying “the challenge is for universities and Next time you receive needed Whilst companies such as “Hello my name is x, y, z colleges to reach out to communities, attract new students and offer several cold calls in an Goldman Sachs can afford and you are?”, “Oh, I’m a, new opportunities to everyone with the ability to participate.” Martin evening followed to host lavish events in b, c it’s nice to meet Stephens responded to this claim saying “how long can we carry on eventually by an call in Dear Sir, colleges and venues, there you.” How many seconds is blaming the universities when it’s not their fault? Universities simply which you're asked if you As a new batch of freshers needs to be more career it before the next person harvest the crop, we cannot blame them if the farmer has simply not want to help with a survey, arrive, there are thousands opportunities and fairs for comes along and you prepared them well enough.” then say yes! of us preparing for our final those interested in fieldsuch have forgotten about x, y, z Headteachers of state schools reacted angrily against these accusa- Not only do you get the year and the daunting aspublishing,advertising and moved onto d, e, f? tions, pointing out that it is difficult for sixth form heads to dedicate sub- pleasure of being able to prospect of life outside of and other types of media. Oh, the monotony and stantial amounts of time to encouraging potential Oxbridge candidates rant and rave at some poor the Cambridge bubble. Although the careers fickleness of fresher’week! given the range of academic ability in non-selective schools. ‘The work- unfortunate, underpaid There will be a number of service at Stuart House But there is hope... role on load is enormous for one person, and twelve hour days not unusual. teenager at the other end, students who know exactly provides an excellent five nights clubbing, one Training needs to be given to more staff’. Many went further to engage who has to write down where they are heading, service for students, it is pub-crawl, and a few in direct criticism of the admissions procedure in place at Cambridge. everything you say word- especially those in so called most effective to speak to kisses and cuddles later, The fault is alleged to often lie with individuals, particularly admission for-word, but a couple of ‘vocational’ projects. those who are already freshers' week is over and tutors who ‘confuse confidence and intellect’, alleges Carole Horseman weeks later you can turn However,there seems to working in those fields. thank God becauseall of Hartlepool Sixth Form College. ‘A gap exists between the University’s on the TV news to watch a be a disproportionate that forced banal chitty- public policy and attitudes actually held by individual admissions tutors’. politician being rubbished emphasis on career events chat was beginning to piss The collegiate system is seen as a lottery by John Oakley of Notre Dame over the results of the based in investment Natasha Anders you off. Sixth Form College in Leeds. His experiences with Cambridge admis- survey. banking, consultancy etc. Sidney Sussex College Shantelle David sions have led him to designate Selwyn College alone as a ‘shining bea- I would recommend it to compared to the one media con’ in comparison with other colleges where interviewers ‘seemed to anyone as the best piece of event which is hosted each deliberately intend to suppress students’ personalities’. Academics and admissions tutors expressed grave reservations with an ID card just to prove The Answer current government policy. Challenged as to why state school students Dear Sir, that you exist is an continued to be underrepresented, Peter Lineham bluntly said ‘I suggest unwarranted and you start by asking Mr Blair’. Chris Padfield stated that ‘much of the As the government unjustified breach of story has to do with policies and situations which lie beyond our con- ploughs on with its civil liberties. Letter of the Week plans for ID cards, I wins a a specially trol’, a suggestion reflected in the frequent citing of tuition fees as a hope Cambridge stu- major barrier to increasing state school applications. This is an issue selected bottle from which CUSU President Laura Walsh feels passionately about. She dents of all persuasions Last term we had a believes a resolution to the problem can be effected ‘by the Government will join with us in great deal of three- our friends at standing against them. party support in Cambridge Wine outlawing private schools where teachers know how to play the admis- In principle, ID cards Cambridge, and Iurge sions game’ and dropping plans to introduce tuition fees, which are are an appalling idea, all freshers to join the Merchants, King's making CUSU’s access work ‘depressingly’ fixated on the financial the relic of a police No2ID campaign and Parade aspect of applications rather than the task of inspiring potential students. state. help protect our free- Despite a £300 million spending drive, ministers have certainly dom - moved slowly in considering alternative admissions options. If access At the moment, we if terrorists can't take issues are working, there is little tangible evidence of their success. ‘Ivy trade forms of ID for a away our League’ American universities have set a celebrated precedent of intro- particular service - a civil liberties, neither ducing aptitude tests for potential applicants. Yet pupils who suffer from driving licence for should the government. poor teaching will even be at a disadvantage if offered these. Certainly, when we want to drive, post A-level qualification applications (PQAs) to Cambridge could put all a passport for when we candidates in the same positions. But this would likely wreak havoc Letter of the within the university’s admissions set-up as well as costing unrealistic want to travel abroad, a amounts. Yet it would tackle the problem of low esteem identified by so National Insurance card Seth Thévoz many of the head teachers at the state schools that Varsity has spoken Week for when we want to Chair, Cambridge Student Liberal to. It would also remove the complications, inevitable prejudices and claim benefits. Democrats lengthy processes involved with teacher’s predicted grades for prospec- But to have to produce tive candidates. College admissions tutors do not choose prospective candidates according to who will benefit most from the courses that they offer but instead who offers most in a UCAS form and an interview. Headteachers’ leaders have called upon the Government’s admissions watchdog to “sharpen its claws,” calling upon the Office for Fair Access “The Students were not Superbeings” to impose heavy fines upon universities failing to reach targets for increased state school access. Potentially, this department could refuse Cambridge’s right to charge up to £3000 in top-up fees if they fail to Varsity’s correspondents write. meet these targets from next September. One seemingly successful venture can be identified in the assignment of different LEAs to Cambridge colleges, where a focus will be directed This Week: The New Fresher towards these areas because they have previously sent insufficient num- bers of pupils to Oxbridge. All students asked at Selwyn College knew Emily Wright that their LEA was Leeds. None in Jesus College were able to answer haven’t started pack- deep into the night trying Cambridge was the stereo- correctly. ing, my room is an desperately to finish an type: old-fashioned, rigid been to. Those sent into areas known to yield fewer Cambridge applicants absolute mess, yet in essay, rolling out of bed at and highly demanding. I still expect high aca- just a few days I will 9am to rush to a lecture. Like many, I took some demic standards from upon recruitment drives are evidently successful, but both the universi- I ty and Government have been criticised for sending these “apostles,” to be leaving home for However, the one gener- convincing that I was the Cambridge - who would- only the most extreme examples of such neighbourhoods. the first time, starting life al expectation I do have, sort of person who would n’t? I also expect to have It is certainly true that “the student body today seems staggeringly as a student at Cambridge. regardless of what ever fit in and enjoy it. to work hard. Perhaps it politically impassive.” Jessica Holland’s analysis of the decline in student Although I’ve been else happens, is that I will It was my parents who was only upon finding out activism presents a complacent student population who care about preparing myself for a meet a diverse mix of eventually persuaded me I had been accepted that I access issues but fail to sufficiently vocalise their dissatisfaction with the long while, it still feels interesting people, many to consider Cambridge and worried I wouldn’t be able current system. CUSU President Laura Walsh explains that “the incredibly surreal. To say of whose opinions and encouraged me to apply. to cope; that everyone else University just don’t get it,” but CUSU fail to adequately inform the stu- that I have mixed emo- interests will probably be And I am glad they did. I would be more intelligent dent population why. When they do, their approach has too often been tions would be an under- very different from my was almost too stubborn than me. A familiar, irra- undermined by its overly political and insufficiently practical language. statement. On the one own. to find out what tional anxiety, I’m sure. We mustn’t trivialise Cambridge by seeing our University as one hand, I’m terrified: nerv- And yet I’m looking for- Cambridge was really like. But, just as familiar is the amongst many others in a confused national picture. Access must be ous about making new ward to getting to know Almost. reassurance that ‘they’ about showing that Cambridge is exceptional because it is a diverse, tol- friends, worried I won’t be these people, challenging On coming up to visit already have faith in my erant and progressive learning environment that should lead the way able to live without par- and debating them, learn- for the first time, I was abilities. rather than follow. Those who exclusively blame secondary schools do ents, filled with horror ing from them and having pleasantly surprised to I am capable of over- so pathetically. Those who suggest any form of social engineering do so even at the thought of fun along the way.I hope find that the students coming obstacles. Besides, unfairly. having to do my own that some of the people I were not, as I had suspect- I am looking forward to washing. Still, underneath am about to meet will be ed, strange super-beings being challenged, having Geoff Parks, Cambridge’s Admissions Tutor has argued that the the fear and doubt is an my friends for life. from a different planet, to think profoundly and nature of the task being undertaken will make the admissions process enormous sense of excite- The feeling of College but that in fact they were even re-evaluate my views inevitably slow. Yet both the Government and Cambridge have ade- ment. I can’t wait to community and belonging very normal and ground- of the world. Of course quate vehicles at their disposal for widening access immediately. become a Fresher. is one of the main reasons ed. this is what university is Without properly employing these, the ‘black admissions hole’ will only What do I expect from I am so eager to come to But yes, also, I instantly all about. Not only a place be greyed at the edges and potentially never filled. Until both do so, both Cambridge? I’m not Cambridge. When I first fell in love with the place. to study, but a chance to are to blame. entirely sure. My mind is started thinking about I could easily imagine really mature, to form full of all the predictable universities, Cambridge myself living there and relationships and, most The university’s OFFA agreement can be found at things yours probably was the last place I wanted the atmosphere of the city importantly, to enjoy www.offa.org.uk/acc_agr/statements/H-0114.pdf" once were: clubbing until to study. To be perfectly centre was more stimulat- yourself. I intend to do www.offa.org.uk/acc_agr/statements/H-0114.pdf the wee hours, working honest, my impression of ing than any campus I had just that. 16 Varsity Arts 30.09.05

Post-It Notes Flag Pen: like the iPod phone, but for stationery

As BLACK HISTORY MONTH celebrates the contibution of Black citizens to Britain’s cultural FEWER BLACK STUDENTS The Queen’s life, Varsity looks at cultural life at a university where there are Head: candle- THAN STUDENTS WITH THE SURNAME WHITE. EMMA PATTERSON light, medieval oak, discovers a pea soup and serious lack of Black Student involvement in our cultural scene, GARY YOUNGE puts things flanks of meat, in the nearby in perspective, and interviews with the legendary MALCOLM PURKEY and DAVID ADJAYE village of Newton demonstrate how far we are behind the times. hroughout my life, still artistically aware of their minute proportion of black page, is there not the implicit Players last year described to Tdespite my African- ethnicity. The past few students in the university as a message that African names Varsity the difficulties she English heritage, people months have witnessed whole, but it would be even are not meant for, and will faced trying to cast for the have told me that they think countless events held in its more so to use this alone as a never be seen on, that page? Caribbean male lead: “I had of me as culturally white. honour; the exhibition ‘Back justification for them. That What is created is a chain of to audition for over a month, Why? Because I spent seven to Black’ at the Whitechapel the university rugby club inferiority in which the black no one was coming forward years at an independent Art Gallery offered us a broad boasts over half a dozen black student sees only white suc- and it reached the point school, and I am now in my survey of the Black Arts players emphasises this artis- cess, and becomes alienated when I was being advised to final year at Cambridge. To Movement during the 1960s tic dearth by comparison. from extracurricular life. cast an Indian actor instead.” some, maybe I’m a traitor, to and ‘70s; the British Film What is most evidently an But how far is it merely Stacey ignored these sugges- Plan B: the only others, even a symbol of Institute presented ‘Black admissions issue is also inex- passivity that contributes to tions and ultimately persuad- music magazine emancipation. To all, perhaps, World’ exploring the history, tricably bound up with a col- this alienation? Posted upon ed a black student to make his worth reading. Get it I have stepped away from the evolution and cultural impact lective mindset that is pas- the CUSU forum board is the debut on the stage in her pro- in Borders tribe, and entered a white of black cinema; and sively accepting of the status quotation: “I’ve been in duction. Similarly, a director man’s world. Renaissance One, an inde- quo and undemanding of Cambridge for nearly four was told at a European Fellows have been fighting pendent agency in London change. The President of the years now, and when I’m out Theatre Group interview that with this description of set up to promote poets and ADC, Benjamin Deery, whilst in the city, I definitely get staging a production of Cambridge for years, but, as novelists, is currently leading acknowledging the absence of more racist abuse shouted at Othello would prove unreal- CUSU President Laura Walsh the ‘Bittersweet Tour’, which artistic diversity, declared that me now than I did four years istic. Such information, 4AD: told Varsity, the percentage of brings together the finest con- he was unwilling for the Club ago. I find Cambridge to be an though anecdotal, paints an twenty-fifth anniver- black students in the universi- temporary female black to employ methods of posi- increasingly hostile place to intolerant and depressingly sary of the label. ty remains “pitifully poor”. It poets. The city of Cambridge tive discrimination in order to live. The university has its ignorant picture of a universi- Then: Pixies, Cocteau is no secret that there exists an itself celebrates the month deal with this void. He told share of vocally racist stu- ty that is supposedly working under-representation of black with a high profile pro- Varsity that “hope for a broad- dents.” to attract and admit a greater Twins. Now: TV on the students at the university. gramme of events (listed er spectrum of theatrical One actor tells me that, number of ethnic minority Radio, Mountain Chine Mbubaegbu was opposite). That such a cele- diversity is totally under- when faced with the problem students. Goats. Essential since absolutely right when she bration exists is a refreshing standable and of finding a black actor for a I don’t need to gaze up at a before you were born commented in Varsity that and stimulating mark of pro- justifiable….the theatre soci- lead role, it was suggested to black face every time I visit this is “an issue that becomes gression, acceptance and eties of Cambridge are totally the director of the play by the the ADC simply because I am increasingly tiresome the open-mindedness. But in a receptive to those who would ADC that she blacken a white half black. But in a university more and more it is brought modern, multinational socie- effect this change”, comfort- actor’s face. Stacey Gregg, that boasts of a rich and up.” We know that there are ty – and one that the Labour ably recognising the need for who directed Six Degrees of diverse arts community, what Mill Road more people with the sur- government has proclaimed progression but distancing the Separation for the Pembroke I do need is to know that I can Amnesty Book Shop: name White than there are as just and integrated, ‘where responsibility to enact it from if I make the choice. And a the best charity shop black undergraduates, and diversity is valued’ - it is also his own hands. black student auditioning for in Cambridge that despite the efforts of surely to be expected. I, for t seems fair then that Robin a part in Romeo and Juliet access officers to attract ethnic one, would not expect any- Sivalapan, an enthusiastic shouldn’t be restricted to the for books. I minority students, the num- thing less. And yet, at my uni- actor while studying at role of Mercutio, simply Freshers! Fill ber of black students has only versity, I have grown to so. Cambridge, explained to because he was played by a your shelves increased by two in the past It is hard to defend your Varsity what he felt was a black actor in the Baz with sophis- two years. These are all damn- university against accusations “vicious cycle” of inaction Luhrmann production. He ticated fiction ing and inexcusable statistics. of being a microcosm of a within the world of should be able to play Romeo on the cheap Yet they are accepted. What white man’s world when it is Cambridge theatre: “People in a production that makes goes unmentioned, however, rare to see a black face within say ‘There aren’t enough the Montagues a black family is how those black students its arts community. No one black actors so you can’t cast because in one of the coun- who are here are being forced that I know can remember it, so you can’t put it on.’ But try’s leading universities, no to stand on the periphery of seeing any black actors in an the fewer plays there are with actor should be racially dis- Frenemies: the university’s cultural scene. Amateur Dramatic Club pro- roles for black actors, the less tanced from a work that is Today the nation begins to duction for years. Neither has confident the black actors in not, and never has been, vital term for freshers celebrate Black History there recently been a black Cambridge become - because racially specific. week. Avoid begin- Month, an occasion designed playwright represented by an confidence comes from per- There are no easy solutions. ning every anecdote to promote the knowledge of ADC theatre production. No formance – and the less will- And perhaps I render myself with “I've got this black historical experience, black writers were published ing they are to audition when as guilty as those I accuse of friend from home, and to observe and pay trib- in last year’s Mays anthology. there is a role for them, and passivity and inaction by well actually he's not ute to the positive cultural One out of the twenty mem- the roles just gradually disap- declaring that I have none. really a contributions of black people bers of the Cambridge pear because you can’t cast But a tiresome and unsolv- friend I hate him, but to British society. David University Jazz Orchestra is them’. And he’s right. able issue or not, to voice a anyway”, it ruins the Adjaye and Malcolm Purkey, black, and for the two years Identification is central to defiance of its evils seems interviewed for this spread, before this there have been both a sense of acceptance, only fitting as we approach a flow provide two examples of no black members at all. It and of self-belief. If an African month of cultural events ded- Black professionals at the top would be irresponsible to sep- student sees only English icated to a celebration of the of their respective fields yet arate these figures from the names upon a newspaper courage to do exactly that. BLACKHISTORYMONTH

LEFT TO RIGHT: SIMON WEARS: SCARF - STYLISTS OWN, SHIRT - OXFAM (£5.99), BELT - DIESEL AT DOGFISH (£30). ZEN WEARS: BLAZER - GAS (£170), SCARF - STYLISTS OWN, SHIRT - TOPMAN (£20), JUMPER - ARTHUR SHEPHERD. ORAZIO WEARS: SCARF - STYLISTS OWN, NECKTIE - CAMBRIDGE MARKET (£5), SHIRT AND ARMBANDS - FROM A SELECTION AT EDE & RAVENSCROFT, WAISTCOAT - TOPMAN (£35), TRAINERS - OFFICE (£34.99). STYLISTS AND IMAGE: ROSIE IBBITSON AND TOM TRUE

BLACK HISTORY GARY YOUNGE ON MONTH IN CAMBRIDGE RACE AND CHANGE This October Black History Month is being celebrated in Cambridge for the sec- ond time. A series of Gary Younge, British journalist people, like black people, need tem at a certain level does not within this hyperpower there are people would go and look for us. events have been and author, writes a column for access to a past that is accurate, exist. Add to that the fact that people living in third world We later discovered that the sister organised, highlights of The Guardian and is currently honest and inclusive. We do not their parents are less likely to poverty. I will never forget the had died of a heart attack while which include: their correspondent based in need more white history; we have gone to university and the former head of the Federal cooped up in the top floor of the New York City. His book No need it better told. Black history, cultural investment is often not Emergency Management Agency, house. My wife's godmother was Set It Off, the Place Like Home, retracing the after all, is not a sub-genre of his- there either. Tuition fees and stu- Michael Brown, saying, as tens of taken to San Antonio and died Cambridge launch of route of the civil rights tory. It is not an isolated part of dent loans only compound these thousands of people converged there. Black History Month Freedom Riders, was shortlist- the past with sole relevance to problems. This is primarily a on the convention centre, "We're 2005, with graffiti, ed for the First Book Award in black people. Logic suggests you question of class – wealthy non- seeing people that we didn't Who knows if journalism dance, drumming, and 1999. cannot have black history with- white people have far better know exist." That sums up the makes a difference? Clearly, stalls selling African out white history. After all Nelson chances of going to such universi- present Administration's attitude doctors, teachers, aid workers, food and art. Free entry Sadly we do need a Black Mandela didn't jail himself and ties - but race cannot be divorced to the poor, among whom the firefighters and the like make a to the Meadows History Month. We have to cor- Rosa Parks didn't kick herself off from that. In a country where black are overwhelmingly over- more obvious difference. Community Centre on rect the imbalance in the manner the bus. most young black people's grand- represented. Nonetheless I'd like to think jour- Sunday 2nd October. in which history is both under- parents were concentrated in nalism can make a difference or I stood and taught. It gives the Universities, and Cambridge low-paid public service work or I will most remember driving wouldn't bother doing it. It can A night of ‘slam’ poetry whole country, not just black in particular, have an under- factory jobs when they arrived in into New Orleans to something make a difference in the way that and spoken word, fea- people, the chance to hear narra- representation of black students this country their race denoted like a scene from Blade Runner people understand what is going turing Ainsley Burrows tives that have been forgotten, principally for the same reason it their class. A handful will get with helicopters buzzing low on by framing issues and events and Faro-Z with a live hidden, distorted or mislaid. You has an under-representation of through. But most won't without overhead and the downtown all in ways they maybe haven't jazz/funk band, at Clare can't have a functioning multi- working-class students in general. greater support and investment. but deserted apart from the most thought of. It can also simply tell Cellars on October racial society working from a Black people are overwhelmingly eccentric and the most vulnera- people things they didn't know 30th. mono-racial understanding of its working class. They live in urban My memory of the recent ble. Talking to the few people out- and thereby arm them with infor- past. We should be doing that all areas where social capital – events in New Orleans is the side the superdome who were mation that they can use in their A series of lectures at year round of course but it does- schools, nurseries and other facil- sight of a great American city boarding helicopters with no idea everyday life. Most journalism the University’s Centre n't hurt to concentrate on it for ities - are under-funded or in cri- reduced to rubble as though it where they were going. I will also does neither of those things - of African Studies, just a month. What I would also sis. Given the minimum number were Haiti with skyscrapers. The remember looking for my wife's although it does entertain which every Monday at 5pm love to see is November being of resources spent on them and entire facade of America as a 82-year-old godmother who was is also important. Journalism's from 17th October to used for White History month - a the amount of money their par- brazen leader of the free world trapped in her house with her 85- importance should not be over- 28th November. month when we get to hear his- ents have to spend on them, the was washed away by the broken year-old sister. We couldn't get to exaggerated; but its potential tory rather than mythology about financial investment to simply get levees and in its place we saw the house because the water was shouldn't be underestimated white people in Britain. White them through the education sys- what has long been true - that too deep and no National Guard either. 18 Varsity Arts 30.09.05 BLACKHISTORYMONTH hite suburban ‘how do I design?’; you’re and cultural implications." His dilapidated London borough kids think it’s faced with the questions ‘am I references are much more of Tower Hamlets (a canny re- cool to be black or white?’ ‘Do I have to subtle and a far cry from the branding of the public library, W black, com- change?’ You’re handling a token gestures of postmod- complete with cybercafe and plained Kanye metaphysical dilemma on top ernism. Instead, Adjaye’s massage room) and a huge West in a recent interview. "Is of all the design headaches." It inclusive approach to place- ‘imbricated hyperbuilding’ in it cool to be black in design? was this dilemma that pushed making and cultural assimila- Shoreditch for the Institute of Name me three black design- Adjaye towards seeking out tion seems symptomatic of the International Visual Arts ers," retorts David Adjaye. and embracing the architec- contemporary state, in which (inIVA), the organisation that As the only prominent black ture of exiled communities international boundaries are championed the black artists architect in the world, Adjaye and finding a point of orienta- all but dissolved. "We’re living Isaac Julien and Joy Gregory. is also one of the coolest. His tion in the alternative - in in a completely global society As an international network portfolio brims over with lux- African, Middle Eastern and and my work tries to engage for promoting artists from cul- ury homes and trendy bars for Japanese practice, an escape with and celebrate this ener- turally diverse backgrounds, the fashionable London glam- route from the history written inIVA represents a conscious pack (his clients include Ewan by a white modernist hegemo- effort to redress the balance of McGregor, Alexander ny. representation in the arts, McQueen, Chris Ofili, Tim As a result of these something Adjaye is keen to Noble and Sue Webster), their enquiries – and his uprooted support. "It shouldn’t have to sparkling interiors being a reg- childhood between Africa and exist," he complains, feeling ular feature on the pages of the Middle East as the son of a the same way about Black glossy lifestyle supplements. Ghanaian diplomat - his archi- ARCHITECTURAL History Month and the With his recent prominence, tecture appears distinctly well HISTORY IS A University’s ‘Black and Asian Adjaye has been somewhat travelled, imbued with cultur- FABRICATION, Access days’; "These are poor forced into the position of al reference and ‘ethnic influ- “DENYING THE solutions." He is not surprised "ambassador for the other" in ence’ ("oh my god, that’s an EXISTENCE OF to hear that there are only two architectural circles, his work awful phrase" he giggles). The MESSY GLOBAL black architecture students at influenced by nomadic, dias- narrow corridors, used in PLURALISM. Cambridge. poric communities whose Chris Ofili’s house and several "Racism is worse architecture has often been installations, recall the than ever before," he asserts. overlooked. "Architectural dynamic urban condition of "It’s just not as obvious, not as history," he argues, "is a fabri- Moroccan souks, while the easy to pin down and define. cation. It imposes a clean lin- thick, dark masonry walls of It’s like a virus. It has evolved ear model of European mod- his Dirty House, with a bril- and mutated into something ernism, denying the existence liant white interior, conjure much more sophisticated and of messy global pluralism for up Middle Eastern vernacular. getic pluralism." And regional nuanced than we were all the sake of a neat evolution- But he’s quick to distance identity? "Vernacular is dead," taught at school." He fears Ambassador ary theory of design." When himself from suggestions that he asserts with a broad smile. that black kids are now he started out, there was no his buildings are cultural col- ”But despite proclaiming an brought up to believe that black architecture in books or lage. "I don’t do representa- inclusive architecture for all, racism has been stamped out, for the Other magazines. So he went look- tion. That’s not how I work." there is little evidence of which makes them even more ing for it. "There was a period in the accessibility in the boutique vulnerable to these new "ele- "For a black architecture 1970s and 80s when architects homes and designer bars that gant forms of discrimination." student there’s no existing resorted to lazy representa- make up his elegant portfolio. Asked if his own career was Olly Wainwright speaks to construction, no frame of ref- tion," he complains, "lifting Yet this is all to change with a hampered by such prejudice, erence in which you can oper- motifs from other forms of series of ultra-PC public proj- his easy confidence returns: architect David Adjaye ate. You’re starting from architecture without a true ects, principally the newly "It didn’t hamper me. I’m a scratch. You’re not only asking understanding of their spatial opened Idea Store for the smart guy.’ No man is an island Jenny Lee talks to director Malcom Purkey

ou call laughing at me mous Robben Island where the actors and Purkey himself in Y‘theatre’? Then go to Nelson Mandela was imprisoned preparation for my pre-show hell with your ‘the- during Apartheid. The pair discussion with them, I felt the “atre’!” So says Winston in The decide to stage Antigone during self-conscious tug of my white Island as he throws his wig to the upcoming prison concert. middle-class status. It’s one the floor in a defiant refusal to John is the leader of their proj- thing to understand and anoth- act. His outpouring underlines ect whilst the shy Winston fears er to relate. Yet this is perhaps the extent to which theatre and the laughter of the other why The Island has transcended humiliation walked hand in inmates. When John is sudden- the moment and circumstances hand under the oppression of ly told that his sentence has of its creation. It is performed South Africa’s Apartheid gov- been shortened and that he will today on the basis that the story ernment. Black players were be released in three months, the it tells is a powerful medium for granted permission to perform play takes on a powerful new cultural communication. “The in a ‘white area’, but only under meaning for Winston. play has the power to make you degrading conditions. They were Imprisoned for life, with no see what the South Africans not allowed to use the theatre hope of parole, Winston finds a have gone through,” enthuses toilets and had to return to the painful symbolism in perform- actor Mpho Molepo. “It carries townships immediately after the ing Antigone. In the final scene, so much emotion that it can curtain came down. Constantly as Winston addresses the invisi- actually take you though a time combating the humiliation ble prison audience he tears off and an emotional state to show spawned by Apartheid was his costume, discarding the trag- you what the South Africans Athol Fugard, a leading white ic role of the Greek princess have gone through as a people, playwright who formed the non-racial company Serpent Players. The players chose the name as a badge of honour after being offered a snake pit to per- form in. Intrigued and chal- The performance lenged by the audience-actor was illegal and dynamic that this might create, the company accepted the the prison space, combating the debasing audience were connotations of the pit by “ embracing its significance as a forbidden to visual metaphor for their status as performers. As actors they applaud. were never safe. According to a scene from The Island Fugard their group “was target- ed as highly suspect. Rehearsals accepting her fate, and instead as a country.” Director Purkey, were broken up by police raids, reverts to a black South African too, is fiercely animated on this I mention that the students grunts “It’s a challenge, eh?” I should add that there was and periodically one of our man returning to his living point, as he leans forward to are still on holiday, and that In contrast, contemporary actually a performance of number would disappear only to death. emphasise that “we’re still in his average audience member South African audiences are Antigone given on Robben turn up later in a kangaroo Recently staged at the transition and ”will be for fifty is likely to be over fifty. He famously reactive, both young Island amongst the many court on trumped-up charges, Cambridge Arts Theatre by to a hundred years. We have to looks disappointed for a and old alike fully engaging in ‘shows’ that the prisoners which, in turn, would lead to South Africa’s renowned Market learn to honour those things to moment but replies, “We have the moment with the actors. organised for each other. It imprisonment on Robben Theatre, it is a play that the emi- which honour belongs. Part of to learn to play the drama and Nevertheless, the performance was, strictly speaking, illegal, Island.” Such events inspired nent director Malcolm Purkey the question that we face in not be taken aback by respect- I saw was brilliantly acted with and the prison audience were this same company to create one and actors Mpho Molepo and South Africa at the moment is ful silence. I expect the audi- an energy that defied our forbidden to applaud. Instead of South Africa’s most famous Thami Mngqolo believe still has ‘is history dead?’ There’s a lot ences will be formal, not cold, respectful silence throughout they would brush or rub their plays. an acute relevance for both of anxiety about what we do perhaps more intellectual. the production. At the end hands silently together. The Island tells the story of international audiences and and don’t remember. But you Listening audiences.” Saying people cheered and whooped, John and Winston, black cell- those at home. get young audiences in and this he turns to his actors with and the man next to me cried mates incarcerated on the infa- Having researched the play, they’re very receptive.” a grin and in a gruff voice and cried. 30.09.05 Arts Varsity 19

Venue Guide: the essential events of the next seven days The Kambar

Where is it? Careful as it’s What goes on? Every Friday nothing more than a doorway, and Saturday are the big indie directing from the main gate at nights at Kambar. Tuesdays King’s, turn right, then an alternate between goth nights immediate left and it’s eventu- and metal/rock nights and have ally on your right. strong links with the music societies within Cambridge. Why Kambar? The drink prices The Vagina Monologues Post-Edinburgh Triple are high (although I suppose Kambar opens at 9pm and theatre reasonable in Cambridge), lager kicks out at about 2am, it’s Tamara Beckwith (above), Bill Macbeth: The Hour, is served in a can, spirits in prices range between anything Su Pollard and Josie The Threepenny Opera, party cups and the abundance from £2 and £4, provided you Duck Variations D’Arby will be gazing at and Footlights tour show eek of stairs feels like a safety haz- bring along your NUS card, and One of the plays with more than their navels under the blue blue ard, but the feel is that of a it’s usually cheaper if you turn which David Mamet party in a fairly rich friend’s up before 11. For certain nights during this celebrated moon (above). The actors (above) made his name attic. Only helped by quirks being a member of University show’s return to will still be wreathed in such as beams across the society also gets you a discount. in 1976. The last outdoor dancefloor and arcade Cambridge. Scottish mists. machines. Possibly not the best Wheeler Street show of the summer. ADC, from 7:30 pm, £4/5 each, place if you get claustrophobic tel: 01223 357503 Cambridge Arts Theatre, £10 Tuesday 4th October until though… Sidney Sussex College NUS, 6pm and 9pm Friday 30th Saturday 8th Gardens, 3pm, £4, Monday 3rd

www.kambar.co.uk September, 5pm and 8pm W October until Tuesday 4th Saturday 1st October book now: of the

film and music Bang Bang in da Manor A History of Violence A documentary about the A claustrophobic thriller Polish National Radio disproportionate levels of from David Cronenberg, Stewart Lee Hardcore ‘Til I Die vs Symphony Orchestra gun violence in Britain’s director of Scanners and This Edinburgh Fringe show, Raver Baby Hear selections from black community, with a Videodrome, who in 1983 about the hate campaign Happy hardcore, the scream- post-film discussion by turned down the chance against Lee by Christian ing, hyperactive, sugar-crazed Lutoslawski, Sibelius, groups, is one of the most toddler in the train carriage of and Berlioz, conducted filmmaker Ishmahil and Dr to direct Return of the brilliantly-constructed pieces dance culture, comes to by Gabriel Chmura. Lez Henry of Goldsmiths. Jedi. Stars Viggo of stand-up you will ever see. Cambridge for an evening. The Junction, 6pm, free, Mortensen. The Corn Exchange, 7:30pm, Thursday 6th October The Junction, 7pm, £10 NUS, The Corn Exchange, 9pm- Arts Picturehouse Friday 11th November 6am, £17, Friday 14th October Wednesday 5th October Pick

We’re in a game, the con of radical movie. You haven’t seen transatlantic destination that is What’s the most enjoyable Jason Statham: Just the sheer chess, the con of life. Chess is like or you won’t see one like this really supposed to be illustrative thing about working with lack of confidence he has in all All the the art of war on 64 squares. It’s forever and a day. You’ve got to of East meets West somewhere in Guy? the people around him. He a killer game. You’re only as be wide awake. It takes a lot of the middle of the Atlantic. In makes you feel so incompetent Answers good as your opponent. It’s got balls to get this going, without fact, we shot most of it in and useless that it’s hilarious. He lots of subliminal messages in the taking anything away from his London and the Isle of Man, makes it fun. He doesn’t seem to rules and the approach to the previous movies. People come up which isn’t quite the middle of take you seriously, but really he game, and how that relates to to me in the street the Atlantic but it’s going that does. There’s a great balance Guy Jake’s formula because the for- and say that Snatch is their way. there. When you need to do mula is applicable to many things favorite ever movie. I heard that something important, he’ll make besides chess. Dr. Dre has two copies, he likes it A lot of critics have discussed it what it needs to be. His envi- Ritchie so much. One’s in the DVD play- how prominently the film ronment is so serious, but then and If your character, Jake Green, er itself but just in case it gets discusses the nature of it’s not. It’s like “Let’s make a were a piece on the chess scratched, the other’s still there in chance and circumstance. movie and let’s have some fun.” Jason board, which one would he the cellophane. Can you explain this further. be? Guy Ritchie: The great chal- Guy Ritchie: Guy, how do you feel about Statham Jason Statham: At the begin- lenge then was to take an intel- I don’t believe chance exists, no. working collaboratively? ning he’s just a pawn. At the lectual concept and clothe it in I don’t know whether it does but Guy Ritchie: If somebody has a end, he’s the king. He’s learned an exciting, action-packed narra- personally I don’t believe in it. better idea than me, I’ll take it if Guy Ritchie has directed Jason everything there is to learn about tive because concepts are not Either in it. Either there’s order it Streatham in three films. Their latest yourself. He learns that perceived necessarily interesting to look at. in the universe or there’s chaos. surpasses what we have on the film, Revolver, has been received knowledge is worthless. It’s important that the film deliv- Either everything is predeter- page because at the end of the with mixed critical acclaim and disat- Everything we think we know ers on an entertaining level. mined or, by the definition of day, it’s me that takes the credit isfied many of the critics who lauded about ourselves means nothing. What you want in the cinema is free choice, you can determine it anyway! I’m not under too much Lock Stock and Snatch on account Guy Ritchie: It’s funny, I never entertainment but I like to be but there’s still no element of of an illusion of how smart or of its ambition to mary metaphysical expected as a writer-director to intellectually titillated while chance. Or there’s the other way un-smart I am because filmmak- drama with action-packed gangster end up talking about high- being sensorially stimulated. It of thinking, that it’s all chaos and ing ultimately is about team- flick. Guy Ritchie and Jason falutin’ concepts. I got into film- took me three years to write this there’s absolutley no order and work. I enjoy the process and Stratham offer All the Answers making because I was interested film whereas Snatch took me it’s all chance. You can either I’ve usually done quite a lot of as to why they set their sights so high. in making entertaining movies, three months. subscribe to one or the other. I preparation before I which I felt there was a lack of. subscribe to the idea that there is arrive on set so I’m not a touchy So, why Revolver? Jake Green isn’t just Jake Green. And the Setting for revolver order although it may look like “ filmmaker and I’m not an anxi- Guy Ritchie: I’ve always been Jake represents all of us. The is far more abstract? total chaos, but I’ve no idea if I’m People come ety-ridden filmmaker, at least surprised that no other movie color green is the central column Guy Ritchie:The movie is set in right. while I’m shooting the film. If has ever been called Revolver of the spectrum and the name no-man’s land. It’s a kind of up to me in the you enjoy things, it tends to quell because it just sounds cool. So I Jake has all sorts of numerical And such is the nature of street and say your negative traits. like the name but I also like the values. All things come back to Guy’s scriptwriting process? that Snatch is concept that, if you’re in a game, him within the film’s world of Jason Statham: The script’s their favorite And what has been the most it keeps revolving until you real- cons and games. Jake’s on a jour- been spun on its head so many ever movie. I enjoyable moment of the ize that you are in a game and ney of how to play the game. times but that’s the way Guy filming process? then maybe you can start evolv- works. He’s got such an engaged heard that Dr. Jason Statham: It has to be the ing. The film is based on the for- So is the movie is more com- mind. He had so many amazing, Dre has two 70’s pornstar look. Two-tone mula of a game: where does the plicated than Lock Stock and colorful characters, it’s a real copies, he likes snakeskin and Cuban heels. game start, where does it stop Snatch? shame some of them had to go. it so much. Everybody should wear those and who’s conning who. Jason Statham: It’s like a constant work in shoes once. They’re winners. I think the fun and games of progress with him but that’s What kind of a game? Snatch and Lock, Stock… are what’s interesting because every- Revolver is on general release Jason Staham: Chess itself is great but now it’s fun to do thing’s always being improved. very symbolic to the movie. something different. It’s such a ” 20 Varsity Advertisement 30.09.05

GET ORGANISED Pick up your free Varsity term planner at the Societies Fair, or email [email protected] and we’ll send the postman round 30.09.05 Arts Varsity 21

“Performances from all the cast soon make you forget you’re watching student theatre. It’s a brave and successful play that really has something exciting “and original to offer.” Macbeth: The Hour, Three Weeks - The pick of the 7 Macbeth’s at the Fringe.

“It's a student production but it is only the youth of the per- formers that give that fact away: in all else it is thoroughly professional, and at a very high standard.” Astrakhan Winter, British Theatre Guide – Also Nominated for Amnesty, List and WGGB (Writer’s Guild) Awards.

“The music is drunken and bril- liantly performed ….wear lay- ers and strip off as the cast do! Semi naked students snog in Clockwise from top: Macbeth: The drag with great gusto” The Hour, two of Astrakhan Winter, Threepenny Opera, 3 weeks another of Macbeth: The Hour, Volpone: Sex, Lies and Videotape, “The opening number sees and Apocalypse: The Musical Charlie singing about the won- ders of milk, backed by gurning, spacehopper-riding cows, while his soon-to-be love interest, the prostitute-cum-madam Wendy, waxes lyrical about the joys of selling sex.” Apocalypse the Musical, Edinburgh- festivals.com

“Magnificent welsh wit” Mark Chris Adams gives a rundown Watson, The Telegraph “If you haven't yet seen Hedwig Angular Fringe of this year’s Edinburgh Festival and the Angry Inch, go now. If you've seen it before, go again and take a look at this new per- t’s a light-hearted black lounge) is taken over by a posse of ‘World Premiere’ tag and was peculiar experiences of the last trousers after losing a round of spective on it. You won't be dis- comedy about Hitler’s cat, actors desperate to get anything deemed ‘thoroughly professional’ few months, but it was certainly Trivial Pursuit, and being joined appointed.” "Iseen through the eyes of an more than two audience members by the British Theatre Guide. entertaining. Joe Swarbrick as the by sidekicks including Dara BroadwayBaby.com – Also a alcoholic traffic warden in to come and enjoy their public Away from death and destruction, eponymous Hedwig (of …and the O’Briain and Ed Byrne. sell-out show. Swansea. I’m in it. It’s very transport-based pre-West End the Broadway Savoyards shed Angry Inch fame) and Lydia Doing an Edinburgh show is an good", a girl in a bloodstained musical romp Bus! The Musical or clothes and inhibitions for a racy Wilson as his male/female (except exhausting and often thankless chicken costume rattles out, The Importance of Being production of Brecht’s The on Wednesdays when it was the task. Companies dedicate vast thrusting another flyer at us, one Turbann’d. This year, just under Threepenny Opera which seemed other way round – or something) amounts of time to production, of many to add to the swamp of 27,000 performances of 1800 to divide the punters of sidekick Yitzhak made a tri- rehearsal and publicity and whilst soggy paper that pads Edinburgh’s shows happened in 247 venues; Edfringe.com’s reviews neatly umphant return with an hilarious, some shows are unexpected hits, Royal Mile for three weeks of the figures which are truly staggering. into ‘loved it’ and ‘loathed it’ cat- polished and moving half-musi- many struggle to find their audi- year. Won’t they think of the trees, And of course, Cambridge thes- egories, as so many Fringe shows cal, half-monologue which ence. Yet, surely, that’s the point we muse, as a nearby man with a ps did their bit for the cause, turn- often do. The Footlights were deserves some sort of revival once of ‘doing’ Edinburgh in the first papier-mache dove on his head ing up in droves with so many back with a scaled-down version again in the near future. place. Once you get past the bursts into song, a troupe of male shows that a new colour-coded of their tour show under the blue, Meanwhile, Apocalypse The branding, the creeping ticket nuns conga by, and yet more pro- section of the Fringe brochure blue moon, a show which – Musical impressed crowds with prices and the dubious corporate motional material is propelled in could well have been specially according to its reviews - seemed cows and (more) singing nuns – sponsorship, the Fringe was our direction. created for them. Around twenty to isolate its non-Cambridge view- always meant to be about risk, FIFTY BEMUSED JAPAN- separate Cambridge casts headed ers a little, but which went to about excitement and about inno- ” ESE EXCHANGE STU- A NEW COLOUR- northwards, creating the illusion receive pretty favourable reviews vation. Year upon year, it’s reas- CODED SECTION OF DENTS, A ROCK’N- THE FRINGE PRO- that the ADC bar had been a part in the provinces. Volpone: Sex, ROLLIN’ TRANSSEXUAL suring to see that Cambridge has GRAMME COULD WELL of some teleportation experiment Lies and Videotape scandalised AND AN EASTERN one of the heaviest – and most HAVE BEEN CREATED which had dropped it unaltered audiences with its stylish, sleazy BLOC PUNK BAND impressing – presences in TO COVER ALL THE into Edinburgh’s C Venues, be- adapation of Johnson’s classic. Broadway Baby was impressed Edinburgh of any group of theatre CAMBRIDGE SHOWS hoodied techies and all. The Macbeth, Threepenny and enough to call it ‘the funniest enthusiasts in the country. Here’s There’s something quite unique The ADC went with the Footlights gangs are back for a musical ever’. Praise indeed. to 2006… about the Edinburgh Fringe Scottish vibe, presenting triple bill at the ADC from Cambridge alumni once again Festival. The Fringe is the increas- Macbeth: The Hour, a total theatre Tuesday, so judge their relative caused a buzz, with ex-Footlight ingly-commercial sidekick to the adaptation of Macbeth squeezed merits for yourself. Mark Watson hitting the headlines See varsity.co.uk for a Downfall larger ‘official’ International into, well, an hour. A brave move, Sitting in a church hall with with his 33-hour standup freshers’ guide to A claustrophobic look at Festival, and (subject to a booking considering there were twelve fifty bemused Japanese exchange marathon, during which he dis- Cambridge theatre and Hitler's final ten days. fee) pretty much everything goes other Scottish Play variations to students, a rock and rollin’ trans- cussed each of the last 2005 years for Martha and Matilda This controversial – any vacant space (and I mean contend with. Astrakhan Winter sexual and an Eastern Bloc punk in just a minute each; highlights on total theatre at any – toilets, lifts, minibuses, your was less Scottish, but boasted a band must rank amongst the more included the burning of his Edinburgh account of the fallen leader's descent into madness is unavoidably “Physical theatre is too MARY HANNAH BRIGGS captivating. often trapped in the body. BOWERS TALKS TO RRP £19.99 Enter with flourish the TALKS TO THE DEBORAH newest, fattest dwarf on SUGABABES MOGGACH the scene: ‘Total ABOUT THEIR ABOUT HER NEW Theatre’...” See Martha dvd and Matilda’s column on NEW ALBUM ADAPTATION OF varsity.co.uk TALLER IN PRIDE AND ofthe MORE WAYS PREJUDICE week 22 Varsity Arts 30.09.05

left: Brokeback Mountain, centre: The Great citiesin Ectasy of Robert Carmichael, right: Grizzly Man Kirsty Dootson and Hannah Briggs review the 4Film summer’s most exciting film festivals Edinburgh (August) the film festival’s programme Toronto (September) the lives of Hindu widows liv- In its 59th year, the Edinburgh Top offered genuine diversity and Despite its relative newbie sta- ing in India. The Canadian Next year ... International Film Festival is documentaries originality, and looks set to tus on the film circuit, the filmmaker has spent five tur- Edinburgh: 17th-28th one of the most overlooked I Grizzly Man by make for a very happy 60th Toronto Film Festival has made bulent years making the film, August 2006 reasons to head north in Werner Herzog Birthday next year. considerable headway on its having received death threats Venice: 16th-19th KD August, showcasing features, I Shake Hands With European counterparts since from Hindu fundamentalists, March Toronto: 7-16th shorts, animation, documen- Venice (March) debuting thirty years ago. who claim that the film "dis- tary and music promos from The Devil by Peter The future of the Venice Film Hailed for being the festival torts Indian culture". Metha, September around the world. Raymont festival remains somewhat with "the widest brim", however, has remained Paris: 1-10th July One of the highlights of the I Shape Of The Moon precarious, with frequent ter- Toronto offers cineastes an resilient throughout, and if the British offerings was The Great by Leonard Retel ror alerts, no headquarters eclectic spread of over three- film’s reception in Toronto is (1958). The critics however Ecstasy of Robert Carmichael. Helmrich and the increasing threat of hundred films. anything to go by, her efforts favoured Georgina Garcia Billed as "the most shocking I Why We Fight by being outrivaled by Rome. The festival opened with have certainly not been in Riedel’s début film How the British film of the year", there Eugene Jarecki Nevertheless, this year’s festi- Deepa Metha’s politically vain. Garcia Girls spent their sum- are evident nods to A Clockwork val, now in its sixty-second charged Water; which follows HB mer. The story follows three Orange (despite denial from which has been greatly over- year, once again succeeded in Paris (July) generations of Mexican- director Thomas Clay) in this looked due to its controversial showcasing a wealth of cine- Top Dramas City dwellers and tourists American women as they portrayal of disaffected youth subject matter. Other films matic splendour. Of particular I Thumbsucker by alike couldn’t resist sampling each experience a sexual in a southern coastal town. that stood out as entirely interest was Ang Lee’s Mike Mills the offerings of the awakening one sweltering While attention has mainly unique included Emmanuel’s Brokeback Mountain, an epic I Tsotsi by Michael Rencontres Internationals de summer in Arizona. Despite focused on the brutal closing Carrère’s existentialist adven- love story between two lone- Cinéma and Le Festival de the film’s unavoidable comedy sequence, the majority of the ture La Moustache and Grizzly some cowboys (Keith Ledger Powell Tous les Cinémas in Paris last value, Riedel’s thoughtful film’s themes are touched Man, a documentary by and Jake Gyllenhaal). Having I Song of Songs by July. Those cinema-goers less narrative also raises subtler upon with great subtlety. Werner Herzog which equals if already gleaned the top prize Josh Appignesi concerned with the makers questions about prejudice and Despite the fact that most of not surpasses Carrère’s surreal- Golden Lion at Venice, Lee I Forty Shades of and breakers of the festival the complexity of self-realiza- the audience couldn’t bear to ism. looks set to add many more Blue by Ira Sachs circuit indulged themselves tion for women of any age. look at times, the ones that In the current climate of stars to his credentials belt I Look Both Ways by on an escapist array of French HB could will testify to the aes- remakes and sequels in main- with this film. Sarah Watts classics, such as Jacques Tati’s thetic beauty of this film, stream cinemas this summer, HB slapstick delight, Mon Uncle Pride and Prejudice ##### No more Just how do you film a "new" fresh and new is not very new version of Pride and at all, and without this distinc- Prejudice? Austen’s story is a tion it’s just another hand- bonnets well-trodden one, most some adaptation. famously by the 1995 BBC That said, Pride and and screen incarnation, and direc- Prejudice is still a perfectly tor Joe Wright has voiced his enjoyable way to pass two answer to this familiarity as hours. The story is eternally

teacups Deborah Moggach right: Knightley and, Keira aiming for a "real and gritty" diverting, and the perform- left: version of costume drama, ances uniformly fine. Keira with naturalism of perform- Knightley’s oddly mannered Deborah Moggach, the latest writer to adapt Pride ances and camerawork. It’s enunciation may lead you ini- and Prejudice for the cinema, speaks to Hannah certainly an appealing inter- tially you to wonder exactly Briggs, while Carly Farthing reviews the film (left) pretation. Ubiquitous ball who it is she’s impersonating, How did you cope with the emotional truth to the film, You have to show what people scenes are conveyed with a and real chemistry with constraints of fitting the novel where comedy springs from are thinking on the page, which Kiera brings genuinely joyous breathless- Matthew Macfayden’s into two hours of film? pain and making mistakes. Take is so important in such a cir- I decided to tell the story entire- Mrs Bennet, for instance: a cumscribed society. tomboyishness ness; the Bennett sisters, strangely blank Darcy is sore- ly from Lizzie’s point of view, woman whose comedy value Did you feel that Keira whose romantic entangle- ly absent, but her tomboyish which meant conflating several originates from a desperate Knightley succeeded in con- and grit to the ments the film follows, seem Elizabeth ultimately engages scenes and pairing everything desire to marry off her daugh- veying the courage of scrubbed authentically free of our emotions. The supporting down. For instance, she keeps ters and save the family from Elizabeth? role of Elizabeth make-up; the dialogue lacks cast has a ball (Tom her secrets to herself rather than destitution. At first I thought she was too confiding in Charlotte or Jane. Were there any particular beautiful for the role. After all, "intercourse" line by Mr the stiffness of what we know Hollander, in particular, is The advantage of this is that the scenes which you were Lizzie’s beauty originates from Collins, as it’s a cheap joke. to be "period drama" whilst stellar), and the final scenes, scenes have room to breathe, tempted to over-write? her wit and intelligence, which Besides, people wouldn’t have staying true to Austen’s inim- with Donald Sutherland’s which allows for the big visual Yes, especially the scene where gives hope to all women. understood that word at the itable style. patriarch tearfully realising moments, reactions and access Lizzie and Darcy meet at Furthermore, Lizzie’s beauty is time. to the characters’ interior lives. Pemberley: "I thought you were of a very modern kind, where as How have you managed the Yet herein lies the problem - the extent of his beloved Did you feel the film was suc- in London" "No. I’m not." You Jane’s is more conventional. dual challenge of living up to its naturalism is the intensely Elizabeth’s happiness, are cessful in overcoming the can’t have an ego when writing However, I was pleasantly sur- the book and television ver- studied kind, and this "revi- undeniably affecting. clichés of period dramas with a scene like this; you have to prised by Kiera’s performance; sion? sionist" approach is nothing Ultimately, any adaptation of its naturalistic approach? trust the actors to do their job. she brings a certain tomboyish- I’ve tried to be truthful. I didn’t new. Verité-style shots of pigs an Austen novel is never I wanted the film to be fresh When writing a screenplay, the ness and grit to the role, proving feel too inhibited by previous and to avoid the ‘bonnet and core of storytelling lies in char- herself to be a phenomenal versions because this film is a grunting in a sty, wind-tatted going to offer many surprises. teacup’ stereotypes of Georgian acters’ actions, not dialogue. actress. unique creature of its own. hair and muddy hems are fast Wright’s interpretation may society. Instead it’s full of honest Besides, in the end we have to on their way to becoming as not reinvent the wheel, but it’s details: lots of dirt, roaming Comedy springs Did you actively seek to get come back to the book, which much of a cinematic cliché as still a beautifully shot, well- hens and red nosed people away from traditional "peri- will always remain open for dying their clothes in beetroot od" dialogue? interpretation. the clichés they seek to over- acted piece of costume juice. I wanted to show people from pain and Yes, although most of the dia- turn. What supposedly makes escapism. behaving as they would do nor- logue is still Austen’s language Deborah Moggach’s latest Wright’s version something Pride and Prejudice is showing at the mally, with houses being "lived making mistakes slightly combed through. novel is These Foolish Things Arts Picturehouse in". I also wanted to bring an Saying that, I didn’t like the (Chatto and Windus) 30.09.05 Arts Varsity 23 Are there enough opportunities for DJs in Cambridge? Three North London girls who Nikhil Shah says: push all the right buttons Mary Bowers talks to the Sugababes

erded into a glass-plated room and ‘I like it. It’s my favourite video.’ ‘It forced to listen to ridiculously up- wasn’t that bad… it’s just the way its Definitely. If you’ve delved into Hbeat overproduced pop while being shot… I mean my boyfriend was there the Cambridge music scene, scrutinized by slitty-eyed media profes- at the playback and he was, like, you’ll know the town boasts a sionals: no, this is not some kind of cere- errrrr....’ ‘To me a raunchy video is respectable range of inde- bral torture for teenagers, but the press good, I wish I could fit in to the shorts pendent nights - mainly in ven- conference for the Sugababes’ new album. Muts fits into.’ The three Sugababes ues mysterious to the average Ah, you may say, but Sugababes are have just waltzed in. And I like them Cambridge student who finds the indie-man’s pop crumpet, the already. Dripping with gold hoops, the "trek" up the hill to Fitz a great mission (this, incidentally, only mainstream girl act ‘alternative’ Adidas metallic parka pulled up has lead somewhat to the fall enough to cover Adina Howard’s around her St Christopher, Mutya of the notorious Red Shift, ‘Freak Like Me’ and casually throw in sulks in the corner, her scarlet nail which used to offer gig oppor- a Gary Numan sample as if they’d just extensions tapping away at a text tunities to many up and com- whipped it out of their CD collection message (‘I can’t do anything without ing student DJs). from its place between Madonna’s them,’ she snorts when quizzed about In a university of 30 colleges, Immaculate Collection and Speed Garage said talons). Heidi sits between them, there’s always a party, bop or 2003. It is possible to wax lyrical for grinning around the room and clutch- gig going on. They all need DJs - many of them have trou- hours on how the ‘Babes are the ing her handbag (she arrived without ble finding them. This should muso’s chewing gum of choice, and the others because ‘there was not be the case. Anyone with why they deserve to be. But that’s nowhere else to smoke in the build- an interest in playing out and only for those who failed to notice ing’) and perches as if she’s in media- confidence enough to give that that elfin-indie one was surrepti- Wonderland, in black alice-band and some chat can get a few CDs tiously (though not quietly, according immaculate black shirt. Keisha digs together and play in the sec- to certain tabloids) whipped away her heels into the carpet and peers ond room at a college bop (e.g. Churchill’s Pav) or down- stairs in the Cow. You no “You can split up over an argument - a haircut in Atomic Kitten’s case!” longer need to be a 10 year ‘Push The Button’ is a catchy pop avid vinyl collector with a 2,000 record, bursting with 80s dancefloor strong collection of everything and replaced by the scouser one, famed for above leather-clad cleavage with perfect Ways, and it’s not just the high heels. Or beats and sparkly S Club-bubblegum glam. from obscure Polish funk to looking as uncomfortable between the puppy dog eyes. These girls must have Mutya’s new baby keeping them up at Don’t expect it to leave your head. Don’t Detroit techno. other Sugas as Jade Goody in the middle of been individually stylized from birth. night. There’s got to be something remark- imagine you don’t know which song I’m And what about students the Mobos. They’re a neat little pop band. able about any pop outfit that has been talking about. And don’t pretend you setting up their own nights? Taller in More Ways is the name of the ‘We don’t have a particular sound,’ around for five years, lost a founding won’t be swinging alcopops round your Last year Cambridge saw independent student promo- Babes’ forth studio album and is released, insists Keisha, ‘we used to be known as member before being dropped from their head to it in Cindie’s this Fresher’s Week. tions running through every- so we are reliably informed, on October this kind of indie/r’n’b/pop/rock kind of label, slandered to every other label, and Sugababes don’t expect anything more thing from grime and hip-hop 10th. As an album, it’s unremarkable: pre- group. That sound was given to us by [pro- eventually re-signed, reformed, and, so its from you. And actually, it’s not torturous to indie and electroclash. cisely the kind of unimaginative pop that ducers on their first three albums] Camron seems, regenerated. And all before the at all. In fact, it’s not even in the least bit I’ll end with a quick and will have ten years olds everywhere line- McVeigh and Jonny Rockstar. We have ages of 19, 20 and 21 respectively. What’s harmful. The only long-term damage I utterly fitting plug. CUSUents dancing to the radio and snuggling up to more control over our sound now.’ It’s dif- their secret? ‘Communication.’ This seems could forsee would be a sudden desire to has plans to hold an iPod DJ their Smash Hits posters of J.T. and ficult to have image of a girl band who a little trite, no? ‘You can split up over an become bitch to some famous rapper. And, night this term– so get your Ludacris. This becomes even more worry- actually write, instead of covering their argument – a hair cut in Atomic Kitten’s of course, that slight nervous tic in your playlists ready for your Cambridge DJ debut. ing when you consider the subliminal tracks with the old ‘co-writing’ chestnut. case’ - cue cheeky giggle from ex-Kitten eye after too much chips and cheese. messages conveyed by tracks like Heidi, however, has some profound song- Heidi – ‘but it’s about communication. It’s Nikhil Shah, aka DJ Sketchy, Obsession, which follows through its 80s writing tips of her own: ‘Sometimes it’s a relationship.’ Reach for the stars, baby. SUGABABES FACTS has been Djing for 7 years in pop/Steps/Abba/Madonna with the hyp- good if you’re having a bad day because These girls aren’t fakers: Keisha and The Sugababes have released London and Cambridge. He is notizing refrain: ‘You’re an obsession,’ then you get to write something good.’ Mutya were brought up in Kingsbury four albums: One Touch (2000), now CUSU Ents Manager. If they whisper, perhaps unaware of their Mutya scowls. Keisha rescues the cause. “We’re just your typical North- you’re a DJ or in a band, email own happily misogynistic undertones, Do they consider this album theirs? Westerners,’ the closest London gets to Angels With Dirty Faces (2002), [email protected] ‘who do you want me to be to make you ‘Definitely. More than ever.We worked ghetto kids made good. Are they welcome Three (2003), and, on October 10th, Taller In More Ways. Each week Varsity asks a sleep with me?’ Scary. Even more so with Dallas [Austin – of on the 18 bus? ‘It hits some people if question of Cambridge’s cul- alongside the video to current single ‘Push TLC/Madonna/Gwen Stefani fame]. He you’re on the TV,’ says Mutya, perking up They’ve had three number one tural life. You ask the ques- The Button’ which shows the tidy triplets didn’t change our style. It’s us, now, rather suddenly, ‘… it’s not that I’m trying to hate singles in the UK: ‘Freak Like tions, we’ll answer them: splitting off into three consecutive lifts to than the producers.’ Not the other way or anything but if that was them and this Me’, ‘Round Round’, and ‘Hole [email protected]. do things with boys that…well, ten year round? ‘No.’ was me… then I can’t say I wouldn’t be in the Head’. old girls certainly shouldn’t understand. So, the Sugababes are Taller in More the same.’

Various Artists album reviews Help! 2005 ##### James Tallant "Not another charity record" I hear you cry. Well no, Sigur Rós actually. This is none of your Will -and-Gareth, Tom- Jones-feat.-hottest-young-thing-collaboration collec- Takk ##### tion of socialist politico-pop tripe: Help: A Day in the Distraught about the Life is not MDF pop-chintz, but a nice mixture of light- fact that Sigur Ros hearted classic covers and epic purpose-written tracks have somehow found Kites Handed Mew The real beauty of Sigur Ros, and have been that is are as wisely chosen as they are timely. chart success despite years of my and the reason I love them so joined by piano New-wave indie punksters Bloc Party, Babyshambles, tirelessly campaigning against much, comes only when you lines, persistent Maximo Park and the Kaisers are joined by a few them, listening to an album by really dive into the music. Once strings, chiming diverse spanners – Kenya’s rap export Emmanuel Jal another experimental, ‘post-rock’, safely cocooned inside you are xylophones and precedes a gorgeous offering by Gorillaz. There are the indie four-piece was probably not Glass- The And free to examine the outside even a tri- inevitable disappointments of Christmas showbiz chari- the therapy I needed. For some world with a new clarity, and umphant brass ty fare – Keane’s cover of Elton John’s ‘Goodbye reason, probably the glossy cover gently lose your self in the ebb party in ‘Selest’. Yellow Brick Road’ and (Boy) George and the album came in (yes, I am that and flow of the music. Their We find the band in an ener- Antony (Johnsons) unseasonal ‘Happy shallow), I expected big things from

notorious musical ‘swells’ are gised mood, whilst retaining the Christmas (War is Over)’ for example – but Mew. The album is by no means ### here again, whilst injected with softness and epic beauty that this, together with the sad addition of ethical dire but at no point was it exciting. enough intrigue and delicacy to we love them for. The band evangelists the Manics can be overlooked in Jonas Bjerre’s possessed, fragile set them apart from the describe this as their ‘rock n roll’ favour of the album’s highlight: Radiohead vocals over an array of guitar riffs, loud/soft mediocrity that plagues record, and they’ve got a point. unexpectedly show they can still chill and laden with enough effects pedals to lesser post-rock outfits. This They’ve developed a swirling thrill with the purpose written ‘I want none of open a shop, give Mew their own ## new offering from the band, urgency that really shines this’. Stunning. sound. Yet, the album dragged. Takk, displays all the best parts through. This is shown particu- Help proves itself to be less Bob Geldof Highlights such as ‘Special’ just of this just as well, if not better larly in one of the albums first and more Bob Marley in its honesty and weren’t special enough. Mew have than their previous LP’s. highlights (there are a few). In understated presentation - refreshing after a all the right components to make Jacqui The alien soundscapes that the majestic ‘Glosoli’, Jonsi’s summer of being preached to. "We don’t wanna be them a haunting and powerful band filled Agaetis Byrjun with such vocals spiral free above a glori- man-trapped/We don’t wanna be shrink-wrapped/Oh, but they only teeter on the edge. shimmering weirdness have lead ous thudding bass, twinkling just wanna get it right sometimes" sings Chris Martin Like a boy who has moppy hair

the way to a more full, almost keyboards and sloshing strings. on Coldplay’s opening epic. And they have, brothers, and owns a pair of cons but then T edd

more orchestral sound. And the If you love Sigur Ros, this is Bowers they have. And even if they hadn’t, its sold in aid of has David Gray listed as his chilling (but beautiful) drones going to hit the spot. And if you War Child and it’s student loan week. So don’t you favourite artist, Mew may look right that made () so compelling have don’t love them yet, this may the dare download. but only disappoint.

now become warmer time to start listening. Mary www.warchildmusic.com

30.09.05 Arts Varsity 25 Everything is illuminated

lluminated manuscripts occupy Historian; the problem for the cura- which is arguably the most celebrat- T The the same frightening territory as tor is which path to take. Cambridge ed English chronicle is lost in the socks and sandals, train-spotting, Illuminations tries to tell the history of sumptuous surroundings of its Apocalyse rinity Radio 4 and finding Charlie the book, the Bible and Christianity, Renaissance neighbours. Dimmock attractive. A deviant overlaid with a splattering of art his- The exhibition has an awkward Iplace, where Last of the Summer Wine tory, iconography and sociology. In overture in a mass show of leaves

is considered funny and beige cardi- short it takes both paths but sticks to from the Macclesfield Psalter. Rather T h e

gans obligatory. This term the neither. I can see the temptation for like the Madonna of the Pinks, it was M

Fitzwilliam has mounted an exhibi- this holistic approach. With such a bought at great expense to ‘save’ it a s t e

tion of 215 illuminated manuscripts, rich collection of manuscripts detail- from the clutches of the Getty. A dis- r a but put aside thoughts of men with ing almost every aspect of Western proportionate number of images n d F

unkempt facial hair and kipper-ties, culture - from the first book to land from the Psalter are on display. e l l o

this is a masterful piece of slick, mod- Presumably a requirement of the w s ern scholarship. The Bury Bible Heritage Lottery Funding, they serve o f Cambridge Illuminations has merely to remind one that, although T r i n

more is redolent i bought together some pretty special two pages from each of the other t y things; no self-respecting art anorak manuscripts are on show, hundreds C of art nouveau o l l should miss the chance of seeing the are concealed. If only it were possible e g e ,

Peterborough and Breslau Psalters, than 12th to see more of the Trinity C a

Reichenau Epistolary, Book of Cerne Apocalypse, surely the wackiest m

century b

or Medici Hours. Nor should you piece of 13th century art? The psy- r i d g miss the catalogue: a tour de force of ecclesiastical chedelic colours and fantastical crea- e remarkable learning, including tures look like animations from essays by Christopher de Hamel and texts Monty Python. In fact, it is weird Paul Binski. But although beautiful- in Britain with St. Augustine in 597 how modern many of the images ly arranged in the stunning new to the advent of the printing press in appear, the sinuously flowing lines temporary exhibition space of the 1450 - it would have seemed churl- and elongated forms found in the courtyard extension, the show has a ish not to mention as many themes Bury Bible are more redolent of 20th fundamental problem. and ideas as possible. century art nouveau than 12th cen- Illuminated manuscripts are both But there is an odd feeling of tury ecclesiastical texts. the richest survivals of medieval art inconsistency. By having criteria of Let’s be honest, spending an after- and astonishing historical docu- excellence not refined as either noon looking at manuscripts is up ments. They therefore appeal in specifically visual or textual, the there with Gardener’s World for equal parts to the Historian and Art exhibition has an odd mix of the excitement levels. But, there is beautiful and the academic. Indeed, something immensely satisfying Don’t miss the limitations of the selection are about following this exhibition. You acknowledged in the introduction of see a progression in visual culture The Gospels of St Augustine the catalogue, which, incidentally, is from the bold designs of Carolignian First book to land in Britain. co-edited by an Art Historian and and Celtic texts where representa- Historian. tion existed on a fantastical plane far The Bury Bible Sometimes this means the most removed from the constraints of per- The most impressive 12th stunning manuscripts get lost. The spective, through the elegant bling of century Bible Psalter of Isabelle of France (1258), the heavily gilded Gothic to the sub- decorated with the same Parisian tle sophistication of Renaissance clas- The Trinity Apocalypse flare for gold and gothic as its con- sicism. There are some truly remark- Visually mesmerising temporary Sainte-Chepelle (1243) is able objects on display for the first neglected in a confusing sandwich of time since 1908, with only a light Jonathan Yarker reviews the Chronica Majora by Matthew later and less exciting prayer books hint of anorak. Paris included for their textual impor- Cambridge Illuminations is at the The ultimate chronicle of tance. Equally, Matthew Paris’s Fitzwilliam Museum until the 11th Cambridge Illuminations Medieval Britain Chronica Majora (1236-1259) December, free entry. exhibition at the Fitzwilliam Museum

Henri Gaudier ism of his earlier work. Breszka ment of this was an attempt to often sketched in Hyde Park, portray elements of the natural Brzeska, and Bird Swallowing a Fish was world as if they too were Bird Swallowing a based on drawings made of the machine-like. In this sculpture Serpentine lake. Breszka could Breszka simplified the bird’s Fish, 1914 not afford the traditional sculp- features, as recorded in his Kettles Yard tural materials of marble and drawings, into an abstract bronze, and this work is made schema of legs, wings and beak. of plaster, painted green to imi- Soft organic forms were trans- The poet Ezra Pound described tate bronze. formed into a stylised, angular Henri Gaudier Brzeska as ‘the It was produced in 1914 at geometry, the fish is given the most absolute case of genius I the height of Brezska’s engage- appearance of a piston, and the have ever encountered’. He ment with the Vorticist move- body of the bird has often been was born in France in 1891 and ment. Britain’s answer to likened to a hand grenade. grew up in Paris where, self- Italian Futurism, Vorticism was Alongside Epstein, Breska was taught, he began to produce championed by Wyndham- pioneering the development of sculpture strongly influenced Lewis in his journal Blast. Like a distinctive modernist sculp- by Rodin. In 1910 he moved to the Futurists, in their art and ture in Britain. A year after London and became part of an writings the Vorticists celebrat- completing Bird Swallowing a

Around important group of avant-garde ed the distinctive features of Fish, he was killed on the bat- writers and artists including the modern world, and built tlefields of the Somme. Wyndham-Lewis, Jacob Epstein upon spatial transformations Each week we highlight an and David Bomberg. Under pioneered by Cubist artists to object of aesthetic interest in their influence he began to explore the aesthetics of the Cambridge. Send suggestions move away from the natural- machine. An important ele- to [email protected] Art Cambridge

TV: Lost Wednesdays at 10pm on Channel 4

Move over Desperate in. The all consuming question island is actually a ship or the Housewives – Lost is here. of where the survivors have top of a vast submerged sub- The latest TV sensation from actually crash landed has pro- marine, which is where the the US debuted here in August voked intense speculation and polar bears have come from – to rave reviews and record it’s not a question that is set to it was once near the Antarctic, viewing figures and is gather- be answered in the first sea- it also explains where Rosseau ing the same cult following as son. is getting her power from, the it has done in the US and So where exactly are the sur- cable leads down to a ship. Canada. It’s not so much the vivors? Theories are plentiful Yet another theory is that they surprise hit of the summer as and bizarre. One is that no one are all in a coma and are shar- the fully expected one. actually survived the plane ing a mass hallucination. Much has been written about crash and that those who think Whatever the truth turns out to the bizarre plot twists that Lost they did are actually in purga- be it won’t be revealed to the keeps throwing up – the six- tory, as they work through the British viewing public anytime teen year old signal, the polar problems in their past and pay soon. With the second season bear on a tropical island, the for their sins they will be just beginning in the US and mysterious monster that is yet released. This certainly ties in rumour of a third in the works, unseen, the enigmatic Rosseau with the weekly exploration of it looks like the suspense is set who is searching for her child the background of one of the to continue for some time to Alex and these plot twists are characters. A more outlandish come. what keeps the viewer tuning and fanciful theory is that the Charlotte Keane 26 Varsity Advertisement 30.09.05 27 Varsity Arts 30.09.05

Duck Variations Saturday 1st October A calypso musical. APU Mumford Theatre, 7:30pm, £6.50 NUS, Mamet’s comedy about mortality The Real Thing Thursday 6th October until Saturday 8th Tom Stoppard’s marriage comedy and alienation, also back from (below). Edinburgh. World Dance Day Cambridge Arts Theatre, 7:45pm, £10 NUS, Sidney Sussex College Gardens, Monday 3rd October to until Saturday 8th Part of Black History Month in 3pm, £4, October Monday 3rd October until Tuesday 4th Cambridge: an afternoon of music, Stomp dance and culture. stage Brooms, dustbin lids, and so forth. Arbury Community Centre, 1-4, free, Saturday under the blue, blue moon 1st October The Footlights Tour show. The Corn Exchange, various times and prices,Tuesday 27th September until Saturday ADC, 11pm, £4/5, Tuesday 4th October until 1st October Macbeth: The Hour Saturday 8th Shakespeare’s tragedy in sixty min- Patrick Kielty Dave King utes, back from Edinburgh (above). Martha Loves Michael Fame Academy host tells jokes. ADC, 7:30pm, £4/5, Tuesday 4th October until A lonely woman stalks the King of The Corn Exchange, 7:30pm, £14.50,Thursday 6th October Saturday 8th Pop. The Junction, 2pm and 8pm, £5 NUS, Tuesday Frankenstein Alice Russell at the Soul The Threepenny Opera 4th October A Spanish-language adapation of Tree (1st October, 9.30pm, £8 Brecht’s bawdy musical, also back the classic chiller. or £6 before 11) has been from Edinburgh. The Vagina Monologues APU Mumford Theatre, 7:30pm, £8 NUS, called the best soul singer in Three women bring the Broadwayhit Friday 30th September the UK. The Paddingtons at ADC, 9pm, £4/5, Tuesday 4th October until to Cambridge. the Junction (4th October Saturday 8th Cambridge Arts Theatre, £10 NUS, 6pm and Once On This Island 7pm £7.50) will be showing 9pm Friday 30th September, 5pm and 8pm what rock lessons they learnt on tour with Babyshambles. Noxagt at the Portland Arms (6th October, 8.30pm, £6 or £5 concessions/advance), Bang Bang in da Manor Howl’s Moving Castle (U) Sunday 2nd October Ryan’s Daughter (15) 1.30 from the same label as the A documentary about violence in 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 Pride And Prejudice (U) Wednesday 5th October awesome Lightning Bolt, will Britain’s black community. King’s Game (15) 4.30 12.30, 3.10, 5.50 Pride And Prejudice (U) be churning out some The Junction, 6pm, free, Thursday 6th October Late Shows: History Of Violence (18) 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 Norwegian drone metal in the Howl’s Moving Castle (U) 11.00 12.00, 2.15, 6.45, 9.00 History Of Violence (18) back room of a pub. Videodrome (18) 11.10 Howl’s Moving Castle (U) 12.00, 2.15, 6.45, 9.00 Most of the colleges will Arts Picturehouse History Of Violence (18) 11.20 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 Howl’s Moving Castle (U) have some sort of cheap bop King’s Game (15) 4.30 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 where the music will be inci- Friday 30th September Broken Flowers (15) 8.30 King’s Game (15) 4.30 dental wallpaper for the alco- Pride And Prejudice (U) Howl’s Moving Castle (U) 11.00 hol saturated awkwardness. 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 Monday 3rd October Stroke (PG) 9.00 A possible exception is screen History Of Violence (18) Pride And Prejudice (U) Soundcheck at Fitz (4th 12.00, 2.15, 6.45, 9.00 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 Thursday 6th October October 9pm-1:30am £9/£7 Howl’s Moving Castle (U) History Of Violence (18) Pride And Prejudice (U) adv) which has a live bands 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 12.00, 2.15, 6.45, 9.00 12.30, 3.10, 5.50 room as well as drum’n’bass, King’s Game (15) 4.30 Howl’s Moving Castle (U) History Of Violence (18) hip hop, electronica and the Late Shows: 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 12.00, 2.15, 6.45, 9.00 obligatory cheese. Howl’s Moving Castle (U) 11.00 King’s Game (15) 4.30 Howl’s Moving Castle (U) Videodrome (18) 11.10 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 NOXAGT WILL BE History Of Violence (18) 11.20 Tuesday 4th October King’s Game (15) 4.30 CHURNING OUT Pride And Prejudice (U) 5.50, 8.30 Saturday 1st October History Of Violence (18) NORWEGIAN Pride And Prejudice (U) 12.00, 2.15, 6.45, 9.00 DRONE METAL IN 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 Howl’s Moving Castle (U) THE BACK ROOM History Of Violence (18) 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 OF A PUB 12.00, 2.15, 6.45, 9.00 King’s Game (15) 4.30 You’ve missed September’s Rawganics at the Junction, but there’s more UK hip-hop on the horizon this term with Coveney: Island Identity in Misthu Austin: Batik both Klashnekoff and the Fens and Currency in A show of textiles that proves there Yungun set to appear at really is more to batik than tie-dying. Clare in the next few weeks. Africa Two of several small exhibitions in The Junction hosts a come- Clare Hall, free entry, 23rd September until 9th dy tour, Edinburgh & Beyond the Andrews exhibition gallery that October (5th 7pm £12), which recently explore the extensive reserve collec- appeared at the Edinburgh tions of the museum. The Antarctic Photographs Fesitival. Sponsored by the Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology, of Herbert Ponting Paramount Comedy Channel, free entry, 19th September Until 1st December Photographs taken from the original the night features Russell Ways of Living negatives of the intrepid photogra- Howard, Russell Kane, Ray The Real Madagascar pher who accompanied Scott's Peacock and the critically Contemporary sculpture from expedition to the Antarctic in 1910- four internationally renowned artists. An exploration of the aclaimed, Perrier Award nom- flora and fauna of the strange island 1914 (right). inated Reginald D Hunter. Each exhibit explores the relation- ship between art and life (above). of Madagascar, from pre-history to Scott-Polar Research Institute, free entry, 1st There’s also Patrick Kielty at the present day. September until 31st March 2006 the Corn Ex (6th 7pm Kettle’s Yard, free entry, 1st October until 20th Being and Not Being Black £12/£10 concessions). November Museum of Zoology, free entry, 19th July until If you’ve been to something 24th December Part of Black History Month in Cambridge Illuminations Cambridge, curated by Hakim great or something awful, or exhibitions The largest and most comprehensive if you’re promoting an event Naini Onitolo. exhibition of illuminated manuscripts This one woman show explores the yourself, get in touch on including ten centuries’ worth from Artspace Gallery, free entry, 4th October until [email protected]. an Indian artist’s output since she 26th October Cambridge collections. arrived in England in 1992. Fitzwilliam Museum, free entry, 26th July until New Hall, free entry, 10th September until 9th 11th December October

Generator Alternation Clear Fat Poppadaddy’s Soundcheck The Editors Bad Timing angular-fringe indie sweatier rock and indie electronica DJs and the ‘alternative’ alternative Varied college ent gloomy post-punk, sup- grindcore from Noxagt 9:30-2 £3 11pm free Digitonal live 9-2:30 £2 NUS 9-1:30 £7 port from We Are and Volt Kambar Kambar 8-12 £3 Fez Fitzwilliam Scientists and the 8:30 £5 The Cow Cinematics The Portland Arms Top Banana 7 £8.50 The Get Down Big International Student CUSU’s weekly The Junction Andy Smith hip hop for townsfolk it’s all gone Pete Tong Sunday Roast Night fruit-market Portishead hanger-on 9-2:30 £8 11pm £10 the opposite of church pohjanmaan kautta! 9-2 £4 NUS Rumboogie 10-2 £4 The Soul Tree The Junction 9-1 £4 NUS 9:30-2 £5 Ballare the student magnet Light Bar Life Life 9-2 £4 NUS Ballare Dogs Hot! Cool Unique predictable garage-rock ‘smart casual, beats for reptiles Smutt Salsa de la Buena LBG night Club Goo 8 £6 no trainers’ 9-2 £8 the legendary Kenny salsa lessons until 9 9:30-1 indie night with the APU Academy 9-2 £7 Ballare Dope plays funk 7-12 £4 NUS £4 Chalets and the Moderns Ballare 11pm £10 Po Na Na 8-2 £4 NUS Soul Tree The Paddingtons Soul Tree International Student Instinct flailing punk Night Boogie soul singer Alice Russel School Days 7 £7.50 The Khe Sanh na zdravje! disco inferno guests ‘free entry in school The Junction Approach 9-2 £4 10-2:30 £7 9-230 £8 uniform’ support from the Ballare The Junction The Soul Tree 9:30-2 £5 Resistance and the Smalll Ballare Deaths 8:30 £4 fri sat sun mon tue wedThe Portland Arms thu

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Alex McIntosh victory time of 49:32, four minutes faster than last year’s fastest time. The CUH&H women’s team, led off n Sunday 18th September over by Claire Willer’s devastating 9:15 leg 300 teams competed in the kept up the pace and kept well ahead ootball vs cricket? Dwindling attendances vs O15th annual Chariots of Fire of the pack all the way round. Among mass euphoria; ultra-defensive 4-5-1 forma- relays. This unprecedented multitude the college teams, all began well for Ftions vs passion and aggression; an underper- gathered from all walks of life, with Wolfson, whose Ulrich Paquet went on forming national team vs the heroism of Freddie et teams from the University, colleges and to run the third leg for the CUH&H B al; arrogant, overpaid professionals vs hardwork- departments, from local businesses and team. The first of four Trinity teams, ing and honest sportsmen. If you believe all the institutions, and groups of friends however, passed Wolfson on the sec- rhetoric cricket has overtaken crisis-ridden football bravely stepping up to the gun for ond leg, and kept ahead for the rest of as the sport closest to our nation’s hearts. But don’t charity. Each member of the six-person the race. write off the beautiful game just yet. teams ran 1.7 miles (2.7 km), from An impressive number of fellows Yes, cricket has seen its best summer for 18 years. Queens’ Backs, winding down Silver competed in the college teams, among A victory in the Ashes is a sporting achievement to Street and pelting across Market them Dr Roger Griffin who this month rank alongside the 2003 Rugby World Cup triumph Square, before a quick dodge through celebrated his 70th birthday by run- as one of the greatest sporting moments of our gen- Trinity College towards the home ning 35 miles around his block for eration. We witnessed remarkable sportsmanship straight. Here they faced a seething charity. Sir Arthur Marshall stepped up between the fiercest of rivals, wonderful drama and mass of runners from which they had on to the podium to make the presen- spine-tingling tension played out by the finest to somehow single out their screaming, tation of prizes. After competing in the cricketers in the world, and all watched by an exu- frantically arm- waving team mates. 1924 Olympics Sir Arthur instigated berant nation who basked in the glory of Michael First to hand over was Will George of the first Chariots of Fire relays in Vaughan’s heroes. Cambridge University Hare and Cambridge. The event has swelled in But why were we so gripped by the Ashes? popularity ever since. He is now 102, Undeniably we were captivated by sporting theatre “we remembered the and his hesitant, but rousing speech of the highest calibre, but what else was there to reminded us of the true meaning of the get excited about? "England’s Big Summer" as the true meaning of Chariots of Fire – to run your heart out sponsors christened it was unusual not only for your team mates, and for a very because we managed to beat the Aussies but also Chariots of Fire” good cause. because it was devoid of an alternative source of excitement. We endured humiliation for the Lions Hounds (CUH&H) in the noteworthy in New Zealand, an abject Wimbledon and a des- time of 8:02. Seven more teams fol- perately uneventful World Athletics lowed in swift succession, with the Coming up: Championships in Helsinki. Cricket was afforded its CUH&H B team, at the back of this own place in the sun, and shine it certainly did. pack. Alex McIntosh, next to take the The Cambridge University Hare But not for long. The turning of Earth brings a baton for CUH&H B, rose swiftly seasonal shift, and the sporting spotlight is reposi- through the ranks to leave CUH&H in and Hounds’ next fixture will be tioned. I was fortunate to experience Ashes fever at first and second place. However, the Freshers’ Fun Run, on Sun- first hand during the second test at Edgbaston, but Michael Scott Associates dogged the day 9th October at 2pm, with CUH&H B team closely, and finally registration from 1pm. Men run crept past them halfway down Trinity 5km, and women 3km, starting Street on the fourth leg. The medal positions were maintained throughout at Wilberforce Road Athletics the rest of the race, before the CUH&H track. All runners are very wel- A team pulled steadily away towards a Photo: www.srcf.ucam.org/cuhh come.

vs

when I returned to the scene of the so-called "greatest test" just a few weeks ago for a Totesport League day-night encounter between Warwickshire and Surrey, two heavyweights of the domestic game, the stands were deserted. Why? Football was back. As the nights begin to draw in and the autumnal rain returns, away go the lightmeters and hastily purchased cricket bats to be replaced by the mud- coated football boots for another nine months of unrelenting abuse. Sports pitches all over Cambridge will be a hive of energy and enthusiasm once more as hundreds of us battle it out in the col- lege football leagues and JCRs will be packed once again for those Champions League thrillers, domes- tic cup giant-killings and unmissable international qualifiers. Freshers and football are like exams and cricket. The timetable which governs our lives dictates our sporting preferences, and so the identity of our national sport is a cyclical phenomenon. Football and cricket are not substitutes, they are comple- ments. Our jubilation in marveling at our national cricket team has reinvigorated our passion for foot- ball. Yes, we are moaning at the domineering excel- lence of Chelsea and the youthful exuberance of Mr. Rooney, but that is because we care. There is certainly no lack of interest in football, and with the World Cup looming ever larger on the horizon it is only set to increase. So, the result in the foot- ball vs cricket encounter: a score draw. The chal- lenge for cricket though, is to maintain its soaring popularity when the nation is gripped by the next batch of sporting frenzy and patriotism in just 251 days time in Germany. Let’s just hope we’ll be heading back for another party in Trafalgar Square. 30 Varsity Sport 30.09.05 “Not the best in the world... yet.” Joe Speight meets former England Cricket Captain, David Gower

or someone who has been immersed in cricket for over thir- Fty years, David Gower has been there and done it in the game which he fact file lives and breathes. But following one of Name: David Gower OBE the most remarkable sporting events in Born: 1957, Kent recent years, even such a cricketing leg- First Class Career: Volleyball: end was taken aback by the scenes of Leicestershire (1975-89, Hampshire euphoria which greeted England’s 2-1 (1990-93) Ashes victory over Australia, the first Test Career: dig, set, spike English victory for 18 years. Gower was Debut – 1978 vs Pakistan at on presenting duty in Trafalgar Square Edgbaston 117 tests (31 as cap- Helen McIntyre almost three weeks ago, when over tain), 8231 runs, average of 44.25. 25,000 people gathered to celebrate - Wisden Cricketer of the Year England’s success. “It was a mark of 1979 n a tournament regularly drawing how amazing the summer was and it - England’s 2nd highest ever run over 300 teams, the Cambridge was fantastic to be a part of it”. scorer IBeach Squad finished 17th in this 3 Gower’s own cricket career was cen- Post-cricket: on 3 competition. With this place- tred around the period in the 1980s, - They Think It’s All Over team ment, the Men's Blues continue a when England were last edging captain strong history of success on their towards the best team in the world – - Extensive cricket writer for European appearances. when Ian Botham was ripping through numerous publications and broad- Arriving in Bibione, Italy, three days the Australian batting order in 1981 caster with BBC ahead of the first day of competition, and the Ashes were won three times in Currently: the squad used every free moment to under a decade. Having been born into Sky Sports cricket presenter hone their volleyball skills on the a sporting family in Kent, he had an Other interests: wildlife photogra- sand. Immediately finding the game illustrious 18-year First Class cricket phy, skiing and tennis vastly different from the indoor con- career, playing and captaining test they were used to, the Blues Leicestershire and finishing his career nonetheless adapted quickly, learning with Hampshire. He went on to play to jump well on sand, as well as mod- 117 tests for England as a left-handed ulate their timing in blocking and batsman, with an average of 44.25, and attacking. he captained his country on 31 occa- On Saturday came the qualification sions. “The innings Flintoff rounds, with teams being drawn into “If we can go through the next two pools of five. After an initially slow years winning we’ll be on top of the start and two dropped matches, a sur- world.” played with one and a half prising rain delay gave the Blues time Despite the current ‘cricket fever’, to regroup. Facing possible elimina- Gower is quick to point out that arms at Edgbaston was vital” tion, the team went on a tear, Jacquet England have yet to reach the summit Photo: Action Images and Escott hammering down kills on of world cricket and much work consistent setting by John Lin. remains to be done. “Over the next two Throughout the tournament, Sarkozy years they’ve got the potential to stay was dominant on the block and Willis together as a team and there aren’t now it has become more accepted and innings Andrew Flintoff played at excelled in defense. Afternoon success really any places up for grabs. They really has worked to combine attack Edgbaston with one and a half arms meant qualification for Sunday’s final need to be working on those that might and defence with the field placings. You was vital. If that shoulder injury had 128 teams with a 2-2 record. come in if there are injuries or losses in can see how it has affected players such occured to a lesser character, then we Sunday began well, with Cambridge form. In the bowling department James as Matthew Hayden and Adam would have lost the initiative, and “If we go on winning, breezing through the round of 128 Anderson doesn’t fill me with much Gilchrist in particular who like to hit probably lost the game and the series”. without a second thought before fac- confidence, Chris Tremlett is young and boundaries, but if you cut those off you With the Lancashire all-rounder so key we’ll be on top of the ing more serious opposition. A new very unproven, and start hitting singles to England’s success, would the former lineup would see a strong start by the likewise the batting rather than fours it does- captain have prefered Flintoff or the Blues, though mental lapses and per- with Robert Key and n’t feel too good. It’s a great Ian Botham in his first choice world” haps some fatigue from the previous Owais Shah and sup- pyschological effect and eleven? “Its a great question, and its day allowed the opposition to get back posedly Ed Joyce is a it is very clever”. The role hard to separate them. Flintoff has the red zone long before Channel 4. into the game. Nonetheless, a disci- man in waiting. As of coach Duncan Fletcher taken longer to get to this stage than We’ve got a great team of commenta- plined side out game let Cambridge Australia have shown, is also singled out for Botham did, who was a success and an tors and I can reveal that Michael find the dig-set-spike pattern they you need not just to praise by Gower. “He has integral part of the England team from Atherton will be joining us which is were looking for, and we won the have the best 11 in the been a sort of “Svengali” the start of his career. But this summer great news”. match in style. world, but also the figure in the background. he’s been spectacular and it is the first Following a varied post-cricketing Unfortunate seeding saw us face the best 15 and that’s The players speak very time he has matched Botham or per- career which has included captaining #2 seed in the round of 32, and the where the work has to highly of him and that’s haps bettered him. I don’t think they TV quiz teams, what are his own plans Blues never elevated their game. carry on. If we can go the crux of it – they all even need to vote for Sport Personality for the future? “I really enjoy what I Service errors and ridiculous passing through the next 2 respect him. He doesn’t of the Year.” am doing now with Sky Sports. Its the saw a very winnable game slowly slip years winning, culmi- give a lot away in public When asked about the decision of right level of involvement for me and away, causing a rather disappointing nating in the next but he has his own way the ECB to sell the broadcasting rights its a great way to earn a living”. And to elimination. Ashes tour down of getting the best out of for all England test matches to satellite be on hand to witness one of our great- Watching the mixed and men’s under, then we’ll be on top of the people, and in a nutshell that’s the art television until 2009, the Sky Sports est sports teams soaring to the summit finals really showed Cambridge that world”. of coaching”. presenter was understandably coy to of world cricket, you tend to agree. they would need to be consistent to Gower is full of praise for Michael “The innings Flintoff played with reveal his own feelings. “We will con- progress in future tournaments. The Vaughan’s role as captain, and one and a half arms at Edgbaston was tinue to provide a high quality service stuff blocks, power kills and jump acknowledges how styles have changed vital.” and we will strive to continue improv- sport in brief serves were all in place, but sadly were since he was leading England in the As for his most memorable moment ing what we do. Those who haven’t marred by errors through inexperi- 1980s. “I was always very reluctant to of the series, Gower is quick to pay trib- seen us in action yet won’t realise that Ice Hockey ence. use sweepers on the boundary, but ute to the man-of-the-series. “The we’ve been using all the toys such as The Men’s 2nds (Eskies) ended last year national Division 2 champi- ons and will defend their title this year. This year for the first time there is also a British University Ice Hockey League and the 1sts will THE LOW-DOWN compete with 9 other teams in Division One. Win a pair of tickets to the ADC's spooky lateshow 'Blithe Spirit', Noel Coward's classic after-life comedy. Football Tickets from www.adctheatre.co.uk Bore Football: This season marks Small CUAFC’s 150th year and look out for special ways in which this anniverary will be marked throughout the year. >>Name: Polo mint. The aim is for as high a score

Rugby League P T Cambridge University Small Bore Club as possible using only .22 calibre rifles. On Saturday 1st October the >>Where: >>National: Blues Rubgy League team will be P IT P N T The range is underneath the Queen Britain have always had a very strong playing French University champions Elizabeth Way bridge, near the boat shooting squad in all disciplines, so it is D N A Nanterre University live on French S N A L E T houses. hard to pick out any particular individ- TV at Stade Gabriel Peri in Paris. ual. N O >>When: The squad is comprised mainly of Shoots are every Monday and Friday E >>Cambridge: last year’s Varsity winning side. D A A between 2pm and 6pm We have performed well in the BUSA >Who: postal competitions, but unfortunately Rugby Union TRTAIT Anyone can shoot, there is no need to did not win the Varsity match last year, Following their summer tour of be fit or big. coming very close despite having a Japan the Blues Rugby Union team

>Aim: large novice intake. continue their preparation for the D E I E N D (c) Adam Edelshain You have 10 shots, and fire at 10 sepa- >>Contact: 2005 Varsity campaign with a home Re-arrange the letters by rotating the rate targets at a range of 25 yards. The Captain: Mike Spencer (ms546), match against Cambridge on discs to create six seperate six-letter bullseye has a score of ten, and is Secretary: Gus Logan (awjl3) Tuesday night on Grange Road. words leading in to the centre. about the same size as the inside of a Kick-off 7.15pm. Email your answer to: competitions@ varsity.co.uk 30.09.05 Sport Varsity 31 Grimster promises knockout year Cambridge looking for fifth Varsity win in a row to complete Oxford dominance

Chris Spurgis with the club now for four years I have university league is not as male domi- matches, the first one being on the 19th seen Coach Dave mould many new nated as people would think. of November at The Guildhall. From s everyone involved in sport in boxers. In addition we have a great Edinburgh’s captain is a woman and then right through until March the Cambridge knows, the Varsity depth to our squad and with our most there is a thriving women’s team at bouts will always provide a superb, Channel Hopper Amatch is the yardstick by which experienced boxer Neil Grimster as the Oxford. I have never been treated any buzzing atmosphere with venues con- a season is judged. But how do you new captain and several returning differently when it comes to training, sistently packed to marvel at the bar- hat neater birthday present maintain such success when you have squad members, I think we have a great and that is what appeals to me. The rages of shots, the tactical battles, and could you ask for”, someone won for four years in a row? This pleas- team in the making." achievement of stepping into the ring is the thudding big hit which silences the W asks halfway through this ant dilemma has faced Cambridge When asked about her role in the one I will never forget and far surpass- arena in a way no other sport can week’s edition of UK Living’s highly University Amateur Boxing Club since club, a woman in a sport perceived to es any perceived danger." match. successful American import Extreme 2002 when it spectacularly defeated be so male dominated and dangerous, The gears rumble into action from See more boxing photos at: Makeover, “than a new face?” For Oxford after their 16 year winning run she replies, "boxing, especially in the the off this term with a series of early www.cam.ac.uk/ most of us, this is a hypothetical ques- 8-1 in Oxford Town Hall. Decisive wins societies/cuabc tion. But when the person asking it is in 2003 (7-2) and 2004 (6-3) followed Autumn Goodman, a 29 year old and, in what was surely one of the uni- “The achievement of stepping into the ring grade school teacher from California, versity sporting moments of last year, and she is asking it lying on a gurney, CUABC won the 2005 Varsity Match 9- far surpasses any perceived danger.” and her cheeks and forehead are cov- 0, a success undoubtedly due to coach ered in dotted lines which may as well David Byrne and his legendary strict be accompanied by the legend CUT training regimes. HERE, it may seem rather more When Huw Williams’ devastating urgent. Autumn is about to turn 30, straight right left his Oxford opponent and she definitely hasn’t asked for a sprawling on the canvas, the cheers of PSP. She’s asked for a new face. the packed Guildhall crowd celebrated When Autumn comes round, she’s and lauded an achievement few that a bit groggy, but she’s pleased. You were present will ever forget. This look great, her surgeon Jon Perlman capped off a season where Cambridge pronounces, grinning beatifically: this won two BUSA gold medals. Not con- is the masterpiece of his brilliant tent at merely whitewashing the old career, the gloopy voiceover burbles. foe, the Club stated its intention to Extreme Makeover, a show whose become a force in women’s boxing too, weirdness and compulsive appeal I with last year witnessing the first can’t even begin to describe, translates women’s Varsity bout. The new Club the appeal of Changing Rooms from President, Cat Tubb, was the first front rooms to faces. It’s forever draw- female boxer in a Varsity match, and ing Pygmalion-esque comparisons: so despite her close majority defeat, the a dentist filing down teeth to little Blues aim to keep female boxing on the points (so false identikit white ones up. can be put in their place) is “an artist It could be said that CUABC has a looking at his canvas”; when an oper- harder task than most maintaining its ation concludes, the “sculptor-surgeon success, with Boxing being a sport few applies the final touches to his cre- students have trained in before reach- ation”. At the beginning of the show ing Cambridge, as well as the punishing we are told that “a plastic surgeon and training schedule demanded of the an English teacher have begun to col- team and the negative image boxing laborate on a living work of art”, but carries. When asked about the task as the process continues, it is increas- ahead, Tubb said "having been involved Photo: Michael Derringer ingly clear that the English teacher is taking somewhat of a back seat. “What do you think about your eyes?” surgeon Perlman asks, sizing up his new project; Autumn, whose Fenced off main source of anguish had been her slightly bulbous nose, confesses she the standard of university has never given them much critical Robert Shaw fencing has risen sharply. thought. Perlman swiftly demon- The upcoming season holds strates the room for improvement ast season was nothing much greater challenges for with his magic marker, and Autumn short of ideal for CUFC than before with the enthusiastically concurs. LCUFC. Both the men’s top three junior foil fencers Eight weeks and a haircut later, and women’s blues had going to rival uni’s. The new Autumn emerges in front of her fami- undefeated seasons result- season also sees the intro- ly and friends. They applaud and ing in both teams winning duction of new timings to cheer and weep, and, it’s true, their respective overall the university competition. Autumn, her edges chiselled off, is BUSA premier leagues, the Although the change in now significantly harder to tell apart men for their 5th consecu- electronic timings in the from a Melrose Place background artiste tive year and the women scoring equipment is only of than she was before. “I’m at least as winning their trophy for the the order of 1/100’s of sec- beautiful as my sisters now”, she second time in three years. onds, this has had a pro- exults, in a tone which makes it clear Both men and women found effect on the sport that she now regards her siblings as defeated Oxford in the and extensive training on basically dog-ugly in comparison. Varsity Match the women the new timings will be The next day, it’s back to school: the for the 4th consecutive year essential to maintaining the kids raise a rehearsed whoop of and the men for a 6th, win- club’s success. approval. Her own childhood miseries, ning in all three weapons This season holds more Autumn has said, have made her and by the largest margin of secrets than the previous determined to make sure her class victory ever since the cur- two and the outcome is less understand that it’s what’s on the rent scoring system (Italian certain given the greater inside that counts; how her transfor- relay) had been introduced challenges from stronger mation will colour that lesson is any- to the Varsity Match. To add opponents and a change in one’s guess. Earlier, one slightly tubby to this, the men’s team were the sport that will affect all and eminently sensible eight year old nominated and then short fencers. It would be naive to said that “Miss Goodman is really listed for BUSA team of the expect a repeat of last year’s pretty and she doesn’t need to be on year, being pipped at the relentless dominance, but it Extreme Makeover”; but, she wistfully post by a team of Olympian is not too optimistic to hope added, “if that’s what she wants she swimmers from for both teams to continue can do it.” It was; she did; you can Loughborough. to bring home the silver- watch it on the telly. Extreme Makeover Over the past two years, ware this season. is above all a morality play in praise of the American dream, where Good Things, like nose jobs, happen to Good POT BLACK People. Autumn Goodman, Gloopy Voiceover Man concludes, is a teacher Instructions: with a lesson: that, if you want them Complete the questions in order from red to black. The enough, your dreams just might come answer to each ball is integral to the following question. true. Extreme Makeover, UK Living, Who is England’s longest running rugby union captain? 6.05 pm weekdays Which cup is sponsored by the “redball” abc.go.com/primetime/ What team won the “yellowball” cup in 2005? extrememakeover Which president has a daughter called “greenball”? Which war was the president preceding “brownball” famous for? For answers to Pot Black, contact: Which country in the “blueball” war invaded a neighbour? competitions What is the FIFA world ranking for “pinkball”? @varsity.co.uk Varsity 30.09.05 BOXING VOLLEYBALL CROSS COUNTRY ROWING

Going for 5 out of 5 Blues beach tour Chariots of Fire race Henley victory CUABC seeking to extend Cambridge comes 17th out of Blues win charity race, setting Cambridge win Ladies Plate at sport domination over Oxford 300 in Italian tournament tone for rest of season Royal Regatta

Captain’s Corner: ED CARTER

Blues Rugby

here has been much debate in recent times regarding the future Tstatus of the annual Varsity Match within the modern game, however with a crowd of over 42,000 attending last year, there are many that still recognise the importance of such an occasion. This year CURUFC enter a period of transition and has been through a number of significant changes as a club. The Blues have assem- bled one of its youngest squads in recent times and a number of undergraduates are challenging hard for selection in the main side. Off the field, Ian Minto has com- menced a new role as General Manager and Ed Hallam takes on the position of full time fitness trainer. Both have already made significant impacts in their short tenure and will continue to make a posi- tive contribution in shaping the future direction of the club and its members. The expectations within the Blues Squad “The results playing wise could only be described as disappointing” Photo: Eric Sumber are always extremely high and the build up to the Varsity Match is a very intense period in all the players’ lives. Part of this preparation includes the annual pre-sea- Boat Club back to winning ways son tour, which has become a long stand- ing tradition at the club. Russ Glenn The recent CURUFC trip to Japan Wins home and abroad get season off to promising start could not have provided more for the 26 squad members chosen to represent the he Cambridge University Boat from one day to the next. This year the Despite Brown’s savage attempts get amazing result for the CUBC, and a fit- university. With the 2011 Rugby World Club (CUBC) returns this fall ‘Ladies Plate’ event held nine crews back on terms, stroke man Volker ting way to build momentum for the Cup bid coming to a conclusion in just Tstrengthened by a busy summer from five nations, with competitors Utesch of St. Edmunds College turned 2006 Boat Race campaign. The out- under 2 months, it would be hard to season. More than half of last year’s traveling from as far as Tasmania. the screw in the final minute of the standing quality of the opponents we imagine a host nation providing greater squad raced at either the Henley Royal Cambridge drew the Harvard race, striding up and away to a 3-foot defeated was a clear demonstration of hospitality and efficiency than the Regatta or the World Championships Lightweights on Friday, the first day of victory. the strength and depth of our club’s Japanese. The results playing wise could and they look to carry this high-level the competition. After a dominating Sunday’s final race against England’s oarsmen.” only be described as disappointing and a competitive momentum into the 2006 start the CUBC won decisively over the Leander club wrapped up the regatta. Cambridge’s Henley success was 0-3 record for the Blues was certainly Boat Race campaign. Americans, in a race which saw a The CUBC started confidently, leading matched by other members’ interna- unacceptable. However, we can take an The success of the summer was Crimson oarsmen lose his seat. by the end of the island at 200 meters tional competition. Oarsmen James enormous amount away from this time capped by a dominating Ladies Plate A much tougher test lay in store on down and continued to race away, Orme, Ed Sherwood, and Colin Scott all together and we will continue to evolve victory at Henley, the CUBC’s first since Saturday. In the semi-finals, Cambridge crossing the line with a one-and-three- won at Henley, before representing as a team over the next 10 weeks. 1999. With hardly a rest after the 2005 met a Brown Alumni crew containing quarter-length victory. President Tom Great Britain at the Under 23 World The ‘Other Place’ is yet again fielding Boat Race, the oarsmen jumped into no fewer than 5 world-medalists. The Edwards summed up the event; Championships with a sixth-place fin- another formidable squad and having the Henley training with a number of stage was set for a grudge match of “Winning the Ladies’ Challenge Plate at ish in the straight four. 2005 Blue-Boat performed very strongly in their pre-sea- preliminary races in Germany, the sorts: five of the Brown rowers had this year’s Henley Royal Regatta was an coxswain Peter Rudge spent some time son matches, many are predicting consec- Netherlands, and England. Victories raced for Oxford in the past. True to the with the British team over the summer, utive defeats for the Light Blues on over aggressive Dutch crews in Leiden, hype, the race was one of the best of “an amazing result for coxing the GB 8+ to second place in the December 6 at Twickenham. There is less and a bitter second-place finish in the the regatta. Never more than two feet Grand event at Henley. The CUBC will than 70 days until the 124th Varsity Marlow regatta at Eton steeled the officially separated the boats down the CUBC, and a fitting carry the summer’s success into the fall match and the challenge is in front of us CUBC crew for stiff international com- almost the entire 2,166 meter course, under the leadership of new head all, however if our preparation is solid, we petition in the Ladies. but with colossal pushes led by power- way to build momentum coach Duncan Holland and President give ourselves at least a chance to be there They were not disappointed. Henley houses Kyle Coveny (Hughes Hall) and Tom Edwards. With this momentum at the end. runs on a series of single elimination Eamonn Joyce (Trinity Hall) the CUBC and a number of talented, highly moti- dual-races, with the victor advancing nosed into the final 500m one seat up. for 2006” vated new and returning trialists,

page 7<< You didn’t know: page 13<< Quick Sudoku Coolness is 50% of students Last year, Cambridge dance new, now, drink alcohol club boasted tomorrow. The object is to insert the num- while 2400 members Green-ness is bers in the boxes to satisfy only one condition: each row, column page 5 << yesterday’s and 3x3 box must contain the on painkillers digits 1 through 9 exactly once. yoghurt pots” What could be simpler?