Parshat Vayeshev 23 Kislev 5779 / December 1, 2013 Daf Yomi: Chulin 4, Nach Yomi: 8 Weekly Dvar A project of the NATIONAL COUNCIL OF YOUNG ISRAEL SPONSORED BY THE HENRY, BERTHA AND EDWARD ROTHMAN FOUNDATION ROCHESTER, NY,CLEVELAND, OHIO, CIRCLEVILLE, OHIO

To Raise a Brother Zevi Saunders Associate Member, Young Israel Council of

This week’s sedra contains one of the most misunderstood episodes in the Torah. On face value, it would appear that 10 of the sons of Yaakov despised their own brother Yosef. They tried to kill him by throwing him into a pit. Eventually, they sold him to a group of merchants travelling to Egypt.

There are numerous questions to be asked on this:

1. How could show favoritism to one son by giving Yosef a multicolored coat (37:3)? He, having experienced the hatred of his brother, Eisav, should have known better. 2. Why was Yosef “playing around with the children of Bilha and Zilpah” (37:2)? 3. Why did Yosef report all the brothers’ evil plans and actions to Yaakov (ibid)? 4. How could future leaders of the tribes of Israel commit such an act?

The answer I would like to give is based on the sefer “Vayeifk Yosef” written by Reb Leib Friedman which goes through all the Midrashim and Talmudic sources to deduce the following explanation.

Yosef was a very pious man. We know this from how he managed to spurn the advances of ’s wife when he was a servant at her house in Egypt. Yosef steadfastly kept his Yiddishkeit even in lowly Egypt, which was perhaps the most spiritually deprived country at the time, steeped in witchcraft and magic. When the Jewish people eventually left on the Seder night, our Rabbis tell us they were at the 49th and penultimate level of tumah, spiritual impurity.

Yosef is known as “Yosef Hatzadik,” Yosef the righteous man. However, he was very humble and tried to hide his good deeds. He did this by goofing around with his brothers and by spending time in the mirror apparently beautifying himself and playing with his hair, which gave the impression he was not spending his time studying Torah. In fact he was studying even as he carried out mundane activities. However, he was so good at hiding his greatness that even his own family were fooled. They thought he was the “black sheep” of the family. Yaakov thought that, just like his father and grandfather had wicked sons, so did he with Yosef. Yosef’s brothers were also concerned with this.

Therefore, they formed a plan. There are two main ways to help children who go off the path and need extra help:

1. Show them extra love, attention and hope this will help the child to turn back to the right path. 2. Distance yourself from them, which could shock them into behaving.

As the father, Yaakov decided to adopt the first approach and show Yosef extra love and attention. He made him a beautiful multicolored coat from the finest delicate wool. He gave him additional private time and taught him all the special parts of Torah he had learned in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever when he studied there for 14 years prior to his meeting with Lavan. He hoped he could nurture him into becoming a true tzaddik. This approach works on the premise that a person shows how much they care about the other person, including for their spiritual well-being. We show them that we believe the best ways to have a good and meaningful life in this world, as well as in the world to come, are by keeping the Torah and being a good Jew. We show that we want them to share in the happiness and reward that awaits us all.

“And the brothers saw that their father loved them more than all his brothers so they hated him and were not able to speak nicely to him” (37:4). Having seen Yaakov adopt the first method and seemingly fail, the brothers adopted the second method and pushed Yosef away. They hoped that by giving the impression they wanted nothing to do with him, he would change his ways. Perhaps he would be shocked into behaving the way a leader of one of the twelve tribes of Israel should.

“And Yosef dreamed a dream and told his brothers” (37: 5). This was like a dagger into the hearts of the brothers. After all Yaakov’s efforts to give Yosef extra love and affection and the brothers’ efforts to shun and spurn him, Yosef still had visions of grandeur. Their attempts to mould him into a righteous man fitting to be a leader of Israel had seemingly failed. Therefore, it was time for “plan B.” The brothers now thought that Yosef would turn out like his uncle Eisav and great uncle Yishmael, both of whom were wicked men until they repented just prior to death. Taking a lead from their grandfather Avrohom who banished Yishmael from his house, the brothers formed a plan to eradicate Yosef.

They voted him liable for the death penalty because of the licentious gossip he constantly relayed to Yaakov. They reasoned he could cause Yaakov to curse them and ruin their chances of being leaders of Israel. Therefore, they considered Yosef a danger to them, and it is allowed to cause harm to another on grounds of self defense.

The tells us they, at first, tried to fire arrows at him from a distance not wanting to harm him with their own hands. When HaShem spared Yosef from the arrows, the brothers set vicious dogs upon him. Finally they elected to kill him with their own bare hands.

Reuven spoke up and suggested they give him more time, thus saving Yosef’s life. Maybe a little “alone” time in a pit would do the trick. It was hoped that Yosef would be spooked into realizing he had to wake up and change his ways. This was to be his last warning. But, in the end, the brothers sold him to merchants and got rid of him. They reasoned that, if he was not going to conform, he had to be driven away as was their great-uncle Yishmael.

The brothers still feared their father, Yaakov, so they made up a story that Yosef was savaged by a beast. The hope is that we now see the brothers in a better light. After all, they all went on to be inscribed on the breast plate worn by the Cohen Gadol. It also must be stated that this entire episode was the will of HaShem, as we can see from how the events unfolded. Yosef was to become viceroy of Egypt which would facilitate the Jewish nation ending up in Egypt, and their subsequent redemption.

There is an important lesson for us living in the year 5774; we must not act hastily when it comes to major chinuch (education) decisions for our children. We must evaluate each child and determine which path works best for that particular child. There is a proverb in Mishlei (22:6): “Educate a child according to HIS own path.” No two children are the same. “Just as everyone’s face is different, so are their intellects and character traits” (). Sometimes a child needs extra love and affection, but not at the expense of other children in the family. Children can be scarred for life from their early experiences. Everyone needs to feel loved and appreciated. Every child wants to feel as if he’s the most important person in the eyes of his parents. Let us take the message of this week’s sedra and may HaShem grant us heavenly help in raising and educating our children to be good and upstanding people. Shalom. The Weekly Sidra Rabbi Moshe Greebel Z"L

“….. And in the hearts of all who are wise hearted I have put wisdom…..” (Sh’mos 31:6)

Needless to say, one of the greatest disadvantages of wisdom, is that one must first be wise in order to attain it. Speaking of wisdom, the Gemarah in N’darim 41a puts it this way:

“Abaye said, ‘We have it on tradition that no one is poor save he who lacks wisdom.’ In the West (Israel) there is a proverb: ‘He who has this, has everything; who lacks this, what has he? Has one acquired this, what does he lack? Has he not acquired this, what does he possess?’”

It goes without saying that the five books of the Torah represent 2488 years, and the books of Y’hoshua to Malachi an additional 954 years. Together, that is 3442 years of N’vua (prophecy), which was direct communication to individuals by HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Yet, even with this divine form of interaction, the Navi (prophet), as we have seen before in these mailings, must have also applied his own human wisdom to the message being transmitted to him. In this week’s Sidra, we have a very good example of this principle.

As Yosef observes himself in the Bais HaSohar (dungeon) in Egypt, the result of totally false charges having been leveled against him by a most disgruntled female, he soon finds he is in the company of two former employees of the Pharaoh, the chief wine steward and the chief baker. Each of these two fellow prisoners has had the following dream:

“And the chief wine steward told his dream to Yosef, and said to him, ‘In my dream, behold, a vine was before me. And in the vine were three branches; and it was as though it budded, and its blossoms shot forth; and its clusters brought forth ripe grapes. And Pharaoh’s cup was in my hand; and I took the grapes, and pressed them into Pharaoh’s cup, and I gave the cup into Pharaoh’s hand.’” (B’raishis 40:9-11)

Yosef’s interpretation of this dream is as follows:

“And within three days shall Pharaoh lift up your head, and restore you to your place; and you shall deliver Pharaoh’s cup into his hand, after the former manner when you were his wine steward.” (ibid. 40:12-13)

This interpretation of course, will prove true. Next, the chief baker described his dream:

“When the chief baker saw that the interpretation was good, he said to Yosef, ‘I also was in my dream, and, behold, I had three white baskets on my head. And in the uppermost basket there were all kinds of baked food for Pharaoh; and the birds ate them out of the basket upon my head.’” (ibid. 40:16-17)

Yosef’s reply was as follows:

“And within three days shall Pharaoh lift up your head off you, and shall hang you on a tree; and the birds shall eat your flesh off you.” (ibid. 40:18-19)

Now, to put it into its most simple form, the obvious question here is how did Yosef know that the interpretation of the chief wine steward’s dream signaled a positive outlook, while the interpretation of the chief baker’s dream most assuredly did not? In reality, the theme of both dreams which was serving the Pharaoh, was very much alike. From the celebrated text Ohel Ya’akov of the Dubno Maggid (Preacher of Dubno), Rav Ya’akov Kranz (1740- 1804) of blessed memory, the following Mashal (parable) resolves our inquiry.

Apparently, there was once a painted picture of a man carrying a basket full of bread upon his head. Soon enough, a live bird actually swooped down from the sky, and began picking with his beak at the part of the canvas which illustrated the bread.

Two gentlemen who passed the work of art, noticed the bird busy picking away at the painted bread. “Do you see what that bird is doing?” proclaimed one of the men. “This proves what a master of painting this artist must be!”

“What makes you say that?” questioned the other.

“So well painted is the depiction of the bread in the basket, that the bird assumes it is real, and attempts to eat it,” replied the first.

“On the contrary,” objected the second. If the painter were the master you proclaim him to be, the depiction of the man carrying the bread basket would not be the work of a very inferior artist. For, had the man been depicted in better detail, no bird would have ever approached.”

In like fashion, explained the Maggid, Yosef comprehended this same matter in the chief baker’s dream with the words ‘And the birds ate them out of the basket upon my head.’ That is, had the baker been considered ‘alive’ in his dream, the bird would have never approached. Hence, Yosef understood from this that the baker was already a ‘dead’ man.

In the dream of the chief wine steward though, Yosef saw activity of the living from the words ‘And Pharaoh’s cup was in my hand; and I took the grapes, and pressed them into Pharaoh’s cup, and I gave the cup into Pharaoh’s hand.’ This is very unlike the baker’s dream, in which is featured already finished bread, without any activity of the living.

And so, taught the Maggid, to fully comprehend the N’vua transferred to him, Yosef had to apply his own wisdom.

The obvious lesson here is that while HaKadosh Baruch Hu made the Malachei HaSharais (hierarchy heavenly emissaries) for their splendor, animals for their innocence, and plants for their simplicity, He certainly made man for his wisdom. Therefore, it is up to mankind to make use of its powers of reasoning and logic in the service of the Borai Alma (Creator of the world) at all times.

May we soon see the G’ulah Sh’laimah in its complete resplendence- speedily, and in our times. Good Shabbos.

Sibling Rivalry or Unrivaled Siblings? Rabbi Dov Shapiro Associate Member, Young Israel Council of Rabbis

For better or worse, sibling rivalry is part of family life. Parents need to address the unique needs of each child while preserving a sense of equality in order to minimize intra-family jealousy. Achieving this balance can be difficult, and the ensuing tension is familiar to most parents. Hence, when we read about mechiras Yosef (the selling of Yosef) in this week’s parsha, we imagine that a similar dynamic must have existed in the home of Yaakov Avinu which caused the older brothers to try to eliminate their younger sibling. This understanding may be rooted in our childhood perception when we learnt about it for the first time, but it doesn’t do justice to the greatness of the people involved. Although convenient in that it explains a difficult incident using familiar concepts, reducing the shvatim to such a pedestrian level is not only inaccurate, but also deprives us of an important lesson that a proper understanding of this incident can yield.

The sons of Yaakov were great tzadikim, not inclined to sell their younger brother in a fit of uncontrollable jealousy. An illustration of their greatness can be found when the brothers travelled to Mitzrayim to purchase food during the world-wide famine many years later. The unfriendly Egyptian leader (Yosef) accused them of being spies and they did some candid soul-searching to identify any sin that could be the possible cause of their current crisis. The only sin they were able to identify in this moment of sincere introspection was their error in handling their brother Yosef many years earlier. They discovered no other substantial sin in twenty two years! Clearly then we are dealing with great tzadikim whose actions were not simply sibling jealousy gone awry as we might have thought when we were children.

The Sforno explains that indeed the shavtim were great tzadikim whose action against their brother was based on the halachic precept of “Haba l’harg’cha hashkeim v’hargo – one who seeks to kill you, kill him first in order to save your own life.” The brothers felt that Yosef’s reporting their alleged misdeeds to Yaakov posed the serious danger of Yaakov disinheriting them from Klal Yisroel, and being equivalent to a threat to their very existence. After careful deliberation, they determined that as a rodef (pursuer), Yosef was required to be killed or otherwise eliminated. The shavtim did what they were required to do al pi din; it is even reasonable to believe that this was one of the most difficult decisions they ever had to make, but they sincerely believed that Yosef’s behavior left them with no other choice.

Which leads to the question: What caused these great tzadikim, engaged in a selfless pursuit of justice to err so egregiously and condemn their own brother to an unwarranted death sentence? The more we appreciate the greatness of these tzadikim, the more perplexing this question becomes and the more revealing the answer will be.

The (Shabbos 10b) learns from this tragedy that a parent should not differentiate between children. As a result of Yaakov giving Yosef a ksones passim (a special garment), his brothers grew jealous of him, triggering a chain of events which eventually led the Jews to exile in Egypt. The gemara is clearly describing the brothers’ treatment of Yosef as a reaction of jealousy. How do we reconcile this attribution with the Sforno’s explanation of the brothers’ rationale of Yosef’s guilt?

We see here a fundamental insight into how we evaluate situations and make decisions based on the coexistence of the conscious and the subconscious portions of our psyches. Logical calculations and decisions take place in the conscious mind. That is where we evaluate likelihood, apply reason, and draw conclusions. But there is another part of the mind – the sub conscious - where other, perhaps less rational, processing is taking place. It is in the sub- conscious that emotions reside, perceptions develop, and desires are cultivated. When a person makes a decision he is actively utilizing his conscious mind employing cognitive processing skills, but those decisions are influenced by the less visible sub-conscious. Although we may not realize it, our sub-conscious feelings and desires can significantly affect our judgment and conscious decisions.

The brothers did not walk around seething with jealousy over Yaakov favoritism towards Yosef. Whatever feelings of jealousy they identified, they worked diligently to eradicate from their hearts. What remained was an infinitesimal trace of a negative midah, which, unbeknownst to them, continued to fester beneath the surface, hidden in the recesses of their sub-conscious minds. When the brothers were poskening on Yosef’s behavior, that invisible force cast its influence over their judgment, affecting their objectivity and causing them to make a tragically wrong decision.

If great people like the sons of Yaakov can be so affected by the insidious power of subconscious inclinations, then ordinary people like us are certainly vulnerable to such dangers. We need to realize that our decisions are influenced not only by our rational thoughts, but also by our subconscious feelings and desires in ways that we may be totally unaware of. A desire for a certain result can cause us to rationalize why that result is indeed correct, even though objectively it may not be so at all. Even a decision that one can present, articulate, and defend as though it is completely objective may be influenced by an invisible force, a personal n’giyah (a predisposition) lurking beneath the surface, and clouding our judgment. The ubiquitous desire for wealth can cause a person to sincerely believe that a certain behavior – which he would never condone in others - is absolutely correct. When we decide to rely on a particular hashgocha and eat in a certain restaurant, how much of that decision is truly objective and how much is being swayed by the fact that we are hungry? To be confident that our decisions are as correct as possible we need to carefully probe our feelings and ask ourselves whether we are being objective or being blinded by personal agendas.

Personal n’giyos are an inevitable part of our psyche, and we can’t eliminate them. However, one way to identify and neutralize a n’giyah is by discussing the issue with another person whose opinion we respect and trust. That person - free from whatever n’giyah is affecting our decision - can help us recognize and isolate it. Making a big decision alone is undertaking a great risk. Like the one that Yosef’s brothers undertook and lost. Except that they didn’t have their own example to learn from. We do.

Do the Right Thing Rabbi Sochet Associate Member, Young Israel Council of Rabbis

The Torah tells of , Yehudah’s daughter-in-law’s nearly being burnt at the stake for her alleged adulterous act. After the deaths of the two sons of Yehudah whom she had married consecutively and who produced no offspring, she resolved to have children by Yehudah himself. This would be some sort of a fulfillment of - levirate marriage. She approached Yehudah in disguise and he mistook her for a harlot. She became pregnant by him through this encounter. When her condition became apparent she was accused of adultery in Yehudah's court. At that time a childless widow was not permitted to be intimate with anyone other than a relative who would take her as a wife. The penalty for transgressing this law was death by fire. Although she was innocent of all charges because her relations were with her father-in-law which qualified as a levirate relationship, she did not reveal her secret that she actually was pregnant from Yehudah.

Tamar was fully aware that had Yehudah known this information he would save her from her imminent, torturous death. She chose rather to intimate to her father-in-law the circumstances that caused her to be with child. She did not want to embarrass him publicly, and accordingly she merely sent Yehudah his personal items that he had left with her as collateral, leaving her entire life on his virtue and at his mercy hoping that he would admit his responsibility. She was prepared to be burned to death if Yehudah would not admit on his own accord. Yehudah immediately recognized that those were his belongings and he openly acknowledged this. It was revealed that Tamar had not committed an act of infidelity, rather she fulfilled the of Yibbum. Her life and the lives of the twin sons she was bearing were thus spared.

The Gemarah teaches us from this event that Tamar taught us a noble lesson for all generations with this gallant better for a man to cast himself - מוטב שישפיל אדם עת עצמו לתוך כבשון האש ואל ילבין פני חבירו ברבים .decision into a fiery furnace rather than shame his fellow in public.

(Some explanation is necessary. Does this actually mean that every person is absolutely and unequivocally required to allow himself to be killed rather than embarrass someone in public, or does it merely mean that such conduct is admirable but not mandatory? The Gemarah lists three cardinal sins for which the law is "Yeherog v'al Ya'avor "- one is obligated to sacrifice his life rather than transgress them: Shefichus Damim - murder, Giluy Arayos - illicit relationships, and Avodah Zarah - idolatry. If there is a prerequisite to allow oneself be killed in order to avoid embarrassing someone in public, why does the Gemarah not include it in the list of indiscretions of "Yehareg v'Al Ya'avor"?

The Tosafos in Sotah concludes that this is indeed the law; a person must throw himself into a burning furnace rather than publicly embarrass someone. The reason why the Gemarah in Pesachim does not mention this wrongdoing is that it is not explicitly mentioned in the Torah as are the other three transgressions. On a similar note Rabbeinu Yonah in Sha’areiTeshuvah states that public humiliation of an individual is in theory includable in the cardinal sin of murder, because humiliation is somewhat similar to death, as one might say metaphorically "embarrassed to death". Therefore one must give up his life before publicly shaming someone because otherwise he would be committing a sin nearly equivalent to murder.

Let us look at these words of Chazal that are used as a moral lesson and lofty praise of Tamar's action as an exemplar for us to emulate.

The union between Yehudah and Tamar was a foundation of the lineage of David HaMelech – King David- who was descended from Peretz one of the twin children she was bearing. King David would ultimately be the forefather of the Moshiach.

Yet, even though by not coming forth with the truth Tamar’s actions could have caused such terrible calamity- the end of all hope as without Dovid HaMelech there can be no Moshiach ben Dovid – Messiah (the descendant of Dovid), the Gemarah still heaps praise at Tamar’s risky decision.

righteousness, righteousness you shall pursue. Hashem, when instructing - צדק צדק תרדוף ,The Torah declares Moshe on the writing of the Torah, did not use superfluous words, if so why the double wording of righteousness? One answer is that the double language is to impart upon us that not only should we pursue righteousness, but that it must be pursued in the proper manner. We should not make the error that the ends justify the means. Hashem desires that all of our actions should be for His sake, which means that each act must be meritorious in and of itself, without reference to a desirable outcome. If we attempt to achieve a worthwhile goal by any means possible, although the outcome may be superficially desirable, it will nonetheless be tainted by the means, which in turn will ultimately spoil the outcome.

Hashem does not desire that we perform mitzvohs if in order to do so we must first commit wrongful deeds. If performance of a mitzvah is unattainable without first committing a sin, Hashem foregoes that Mitzvah.

Chazal comment , “Even for the sake of bringing Hashem a burnt offering one must not steal”. The Gemarah there adds: “A corporeal king once passed by the tax offices. He said to his servants, ‘Hand over this money to the tax collectors for it is my fair share of tax due’ and they replied, ‘Surely all the tax money is yours.’ The king then said, ‘Let all citizens learn from my actions not to evade paying taxes.’ Hashem likewise said, ‘I am Hashem who hates burnt offerings involving theft.’ Although to G-d is the entire universe and everything in it, my children will learn from Me and they will make themselves flee from theft.” We ascertain that even a mitzvah performed for the sake of Heaven may not be accomplished by dishonest means.

Now, let us go back to Tamar. From the Gemarah’s praise of her resolve in light of all that was at stake, we see that the ends cannot justify the means.

From Tamar’s conduct and the way the Rabbis of the Gemarah viewed it we realize that this is not the suitable way of action. We are required to follow the Torah and do the right thing in each situation in which we find ourselves. We are not responsible for the outcome, even one that seems as worthwhile and important as saving the entire Klal Yisroel. We are only expected to do things that are right and proper according to the ways of the Torah. Ultimately, it is Hashem who will save the world, the Jews, or whoever needs to be saved; we can only be an instrument of His will. Certainly it is a great merit to be able to help other Jews, and we should seek out and look forward to having the opportunity to do so. At the same time we also need to realize that good intentions and worthwhile goals are only one part of the equation. Each decision we make and the correctness of each step that we take must be considered in and of itself. Sometimes a wonderful project must be abandoned because it will inadvertently cause pain or embarrassment to another person.

Just as Tamar was prepared to give up the entire destiny of the Jewish people for the sake of not publicly embarrassing Yehudah, we too must not only consider our objectives, but also what means we will take to achieve them. Good Shabbos.

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