Friday The Independent June 24, 2005 Cambridge Student Issue 620 Newspaper www.varsity.co.uk since 1947

2 NEWS June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk New Hall censors painting for US troops

Zoe Pilger was staged outside the dining- But she added that a Muslim room by students and tutors from friend of hers at Newnham had THE CENSORSHIP of a the college as the military deliv- said the painting was too aggres- painting at New Hall at the ered their after-dinner speeches. sive, and could be associated with request of a guest booking by the The protestors asked some of the terrorism.” US military has sparked contro- guests to comment on the cover- It was also revealed in the versy throughout the college. ing of the painting as they walked meeting that the College author- The painting, named ‘Gulf out of the Dome. One remarked: ities and JCR learned of the Women Prepare for War’ depicts “I wasn’t aware of that. Art is art, booking six days before the event, a Muslim woman, fully veiled, it’s a reflection of culture - that’s a but failed to inform either the holding a large weapon and shame.” Another whilst reading a student body, or Hambling her- crouching in the desert. It hangs banner saying ‘100,000 Iraqis self, who confirmed, “I didn’t in the domed dining-room of Dead’ retorted, “Is that all?” know anything about it.” New Hall College, but was cov- Official explanation of why the Hambling expressed her out- ered up on Sunday 5 June, as a painting was censored remains rage in a telephone interview: condition of a private booking ambiguous. A US navy officer, “There’s two things here: it’s made by the US military. Lieutenant Farnham, admitted exciting if a traditional oil paint- As a women only college, New she had made the request, yet ing can arouse such a fuss. It’s Hall has one of the highest pro- declined an interview. She main- appalling that a painting can be portion of Muslim female under- tains it was not because the paint- censored like this.” graduates in the University, and ing shows a Muslim woman. As a result of the protest and prides itself on owning one of the At a public meeting following the public meeting, in which the largest displays of female art in the event, attended by the censorship was voted against the world. President and Senior Tutor of the unanimously by the 35 students Artist, Maggi Hambling, College, it was suggested that the who attended, Andy Milne has (OBE) said she is “appalled”, at military guests may have got stated: “we are now all agreed the censorship of her painting. drunk and damaged the painting. changes will not be made to the She carried out the work in 1986 It was also suggested that they display of the art collection.” as response to the Iran-Iraq war. did not want to be reminded of Hambling remains adamant: “I The agreed fee of the US mili- war. Hambling has dismissed was completely against the Iraq tary booking was £4,000. Andy this: “Surely the military would war. The Americans are megalo- Milne, the college’s Conferences be more used to seeing weapons maniacs trying to take over the and Catering Director, agreed to than anyone. It’s very interesting world. They have the amazing cover the painting. He claims this that a painting can be seen as narcissism to try and make every- decision “was in line with our such a threat.” one the same as them.” general policy as I then under- Sophia Mahroo, a third year She described how she was, stood it”. medical student from New Hall “moved to make the painting by a The 113 guests, mostly uni- and a Muslim herself , said: “I shocking photograph in the formed, were from a US navy really like the painting. The newspaper”, and emphasised the division based at RAF woman with the gun is a symbol role of artists to “respond to what ‘Gulf Women Prepare for War’ by Maggi Hambling. The painting was covered up at New Molesworth. A peaceful protest of resistance and empowerment”. happens in the world.” Hall to secure a £4000 guest booking by the US military in the college’s Dome. New IPR policy sparks research debate Lucy Phillips Pro-Vice Chancellor Engineering, and member of may appear controversial, the Professor Tony Minson has the University Council has University’s IPR arrangements CONCERN IS mounting defended the new policy: "I expressed his concerns to are in fact more liberal and Opinion amongst senior academics and strongly support this policy, Varsity about the effect the better for students than those research students that the which has been developed dur- new proposals would have on at most other Russell Group Professor Ian Leslie, Pro-Vice University Council will attempt ing a long period of consulta- entrepreneurship and academ- and Ivy League universities. Chancellor for Research to pass through a controversial tion. The policy protects the ic freedom. He said: "The They leave students better “It has taken some time to arrive at this policy: Grace during the summer vaca- freedom to publish and guar- result would be that no mem- protected than [the previous] it takes account of many comments that have tion that could eventually see antees ownership of copyright. ber of the University would be anachronistic arrangements. I been made in Discussion in the Senate House them stripped of their intellec- There is no change of policy able to set up companies with- took a principled stand to and in informal consultations. tual rights. with respect to students: stu- out permission from defend students despite an The proposed policy offers clarification The news comes following dents own their own IPR. The Cambridge Enterprises [an appalling level of bullying and about the disposition of IPR across all funding sources; and as the release of a third draft of a Report acknowledges, howev- organisation set up to com- intimidating tactics by mem- much consistency as is possible with the various constraints report into Intellectual er, that there may be restric- mercialise research results].” bers of the [University] placed upon us. It does not represent an enormous change in Property Rights (IPRs) and its tions to ownership because He labelled the recent Council like Ross Anderson." practice; rather it brings a small amount of research into line with approval by the University much research is collaborative, report into IPRs as "vague, Streeting’s actions have the majority of research for which ownership of patent is pre- Council. It is thought that any some research is conducted in confusing and contradictory." sparked criticism from some scribed by sponsors. policy of Intellectual Property the premises of other organisa- Three of the student mem- Council rebels who believed In comparison with our peers, the policy is very generous to (IP) ownership would destroy tions and some funding agen- bers of the University Council that they could depend on the academics and students. It provides a clear appeals procedure: the ‘Cambridge phenomenon’ cies may impose their own voted in favour of the new student members’ support. disputes on IPR ownership between academics and/or students whereby both the local and requirements. None of this is proposals, including CUSU GU President and member of are now dealt with in the first instance by the University at no cost national economies benefit new, but the Report brings President Wes Streeting the University Council Ruth to the protagonists rather than through the courts.” from the spin-off companies these issues into the open. I despite CUSU having signed a Keeling abstained. She later told created and supported by the hope that students will support mandate against the policy in Varsity that it was "a positive Professor Gillian Evans University’s academics and the Report." 2002. Streeting defended his abstention in that I felt there had "Cambridge is technically within its rights to researchers. But Ross Anderson, stance: been very positive developments keep the profits from the intellectual efforts of The University has defended Professor of Security "Whilst the new proposals since the first report but I believe its employees, though it has badly misjudged the new policy saying that it this is only a small corner of a the consequences of trying to do so. It is not offers clarity, more freedom The new rules will mean that students retain the ownership wider debate." that we all want to get rich on the side while than at most other universities rights to their IP except in the following circumstances (and If the Grace is approved, a drawing our salaries. We just want to be able and that the third draft has final vote for all the 'Regents' to follow up lines of enquiry without constantly looking over our made many concessions from also only when informed of these conditions): (academic staff, post-doctoral shoulders for approval from those who hold the purse-strings. the one originally published in (1) where a student's research sponsor claims the IPR as a research fellows and senior Not all good ideas make money. You can see from the numerous 2001 which proposed almost condition of sponsorship administration staff ) will take revisions of the IPR proposals that attempts to pin things down just total ownership of IP by the (2) where a student is working on a sponsored project place in Michaelmas 2005. lead to complexities and injustices and general damage to goodwill. University. where IPR contractually devolves to the sponsor This leaves little time for But the thing that really makes me furious is the attempt to Cambridge University is additional amendments or extend this kind of money-driven control to students. Students currently one of a few universi- (3) a student may be required to assign intellectual proper- objections to the policy. are not employees and the University has no legal right to 'get ties which lack a uniform poli- ty to the University where a student is working in collabo- Professor Anderson also what it pays for'. The students are doing the paying. And even cy on IPRs. It has been criti- ration with others in a manner that gives rise to joint cre- believes that the recent if they weren't, I think most academic staff feel very strongly cised for inconsistency in the ation of intellectual property, or interdependent intellectu- increase in non-academic that a student - and especially a research student - should be implementation of mecha- al property (eg. in a research group) administrative staff will tip the free to develop his or her ideas within the framework of the nisims such as patents and balance of the vote in favour of degree course of PhD proposal, without artificial and distort- copyright to protect IPRs. the new IPRs policy. ing restrictions from funders or the University.” www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 NEWS 3 Arcade’s grand designs Sutherland Appeal

Natasha Anders r Amelia Worsley promised that the workings of o year term was not consistent with l y

the university should not be a other cases in the “single-punch” SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS effected in any way and there T Andrew Roberts, the man category. n is being made on the £240 mil- will be advantages for many stu- a charged with the manslaughter of Allowing the appeal, Mr m lion Grand Arcade Project, dents, such as the 500 space p PhD student Kenneth Justice Gross said it was clear that a located on Regent Street. This cycle park. The development h Sutherland, has had his sentence the attack was “gratuitous and C

was recently celebrated by a will also incorporate a new f halved at appeal. Roberts, origi- unprovoked” and that Roberts o

ground breaking ceremony, lead 280,000 square foot John Lewis y nally charged with murder, was had used considerable force. s e by the Duke of Westminster. department store, 50 other shop t sentenced to five years in jail last However, he said that sentencing r u

He sat at the controls of a piling units, cafes, restaurants and a o November after pleading guilty to in such cases “is not a precise sci- rig to sink the final concrete 900 space car park. The present C the charge of manslaughter. The ence”, and noted the need for foundation pile, which will sup- Burleigh Street location of victim’s family condemned the consistency. port a development spanning Robert Sayle is thought to be verdict, saying “we are shocked Sutherland’s family, who had seven acres. converted into apartments and and dismayed over the obvious previously expressed their dismay The Duke of Westminster office space. injustice of this decision.” at the five-year sentence, were has an important input in the The Grand Arcade develop- Sutherland died after 23-year- outraged at the decision. project, as the owner of ment will also link the Lion old student Andrew Roberts Speaking from her home in Grosvenor, which is working in Yard shopping centre from punched him once in Malcolm Ontario, Canada, Kenneth’s sister a joint initiative with the Petty Cury to Downing Street Street, Cambridge, on May 22 Nancy Sutherland, 37, said: “We Universities Superannuation and St. Andrew’s Street, last year.. The prosecuting QC, have been choosing a gravestone Scheme [the pension scheme improving pedestrian access in Karim Khalil, said a witness had to mark the anniversary of for colleges throughout the city, which Nick Abbey sees described Roberts’s punch as “one Kenneth’s death on May 26, but Cambridge.] Grosvenor has as “bringing the two halves of a professional boxer would have now we have to come to terms been a notable presence the city together.” and attract- been proud of.” with this. The previous five-year throughout Cambridge in the ing new retailers. Building Mr Sutherland's skull was sentence did not reflect the sever- last thirty years, being the force fronts will also be preserved as fractured as he hit the pavement. ity of the crime - two and a half behind the Grafton Centre and much as possible, in line with He never regained consciousness years is a travesty.” also sponsoring a Cambridge current Cambridge architec- The Grand Arcade as envisaged by an artist and died in Addenbrooke's Miss Sutherland also “Grosvenor” fellow in ture. An Impact Management Hospital four days later. expressed concern that CCTV Pembroke College. Strategy is also being used to Cambridge City Council. It is Cambridge to break out of the Representing Roberts at the video evidence had been omitted Nick Abbey, Project manager counter act the reduced car thought that the project will mould of a university city, into appeal, Graham Parkins QC, from the original trial. “It clearly for Bovis, the contractor for the parking which the project will encourage rejuvenation in the one which has the highest quality said that the 23-year-old, of shows Roberts getting out of a project, views the Grand temporarily create. area, creating employment and of shopping experience. As well as Harrow, Middlesex, was “a gentle car and coming over to my broth- Arcade project as creating “min- The Grand Arcade Project is aspects of the development, such shopping, there will also be new giant” who had never hit anyone er - it was premeditated. He imum disruption and maximum seen as essential for Cambridge as the current Burleigh Street Shop -mobility scheme, a refur- in his life until that day. He said knew what he was doing,” she advantages for the city.” In light “remaining one of the best desti- store, which has been seen as a bished library and magistrate’s that his “genuinely remorseful” said. of the disruption it may cause nations in the region and in the way of improving the surrounding court, with John Lewis opening in client accepted that a “not insub- The Sutherland family now colleges, and the working life of UK” according to Rob areas. Developers also anticipate autumn 2007 and Grand Arcade stantial” prison sentence was nec- want a “thorough investigation” the university., it has been Hammond, Chief Executive of that the project will allow in spring 2008. essary, but argued that the five- of the proceedings.

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e Jacqui Tedd

c honour her first visit to the col- i f

An appeal has been launched f lege, alongside one commemo- O

against the refusal of plans for a s rating the visit of the late Queen THE GOVERNMENT recent- s e

£1 million bar and restaurant in r Mother in 1998, before proceed- ly announced its decision to more P

the centre of Cambridge. The y ing to visit the Fitzwilliam muse- than double visa charges for over- t i

Living Room wants to open s um where she was shown pages seas students. r e

premises in St. John’s Street, v from the newly acquired The increased charges are to i

Cambridge but has previously n Macclesfield Psalter and saw the come into effect from July. The U

had its application to transform e new £12 million courtyard devel- rise is from £36 to £85 and is one g the Grade II listed former d opment. The Duke visited the of many ever-growing fees that i r

Divinity School in St. John’s b nearby Disability Resource hit overseas students who wish to m

Street, a St. John’s college a Centre . study in Britain. The fear is that building, rejected by C After this came the walka- the increasing costs will have a Cambridge City Council. bout in Trumpington Street, detrimental affect on the number Although planners said that it which was the highlight for of overseas applications. Rising did not make “appropriation many locals. Joan Tulip, 92, of expenses may mean that UK uni- provision for transport mitiga- Cambridge, waited bearing a versities will fail to attract suffi- tion measures, public realm Union flag on her lap. She said: cient numbers of overseas stu- improvements and community “My daughter put this flag on dents who they now heavily rely safety,” St John’s college are me as a way to welcome the upon for financial reasons. now appealing to the Planning Charlotte Keane Mathematical Sciences meeting Professor Timothy Pedley, Queen. I’m so pleased to see Kathryn Schwartz, a Cambridge Inspectorate against the deci- both university students and local head of the applied maths and her.” The Royals also joined a student from New York, believes sion. ON JUNE 8 the Queen and the school children. theoretical physics department, garden party at Christ’s cele- studying in Britain is becoming Duke of Edinburgh visited They were greeted by officials then formally welcomed the brating its quincentenary. too expensive. FRIENDLY CAMBRIDGE Cambridge for the first time in from the University; including Queen before she unveiled a Professor Alison Richard Although British universities five years since the opening of the Vice- Chancellor Professor plaque to officially mark the said: “It was a profound hon- have seen a rise in the number of Cambridge has been voted the Faculty of Divinity in 2000. Prior Alison Richard and Sir John opening of the centre, which was our for the University to wel- overseas students in the past year, most gay friendly place in East to her visit, Dr Timothy Mead Kingman, director of the Isaac completed last year. come Her Majesty, and a par- they are relying on a further leap Anglia, and has won a top said, “We are looking forward to Newton Institute for The Queen then visited the ticular pleasure that she was of 20% in the number of overseas equality award for support after showing her the outstanding Mathematical Sciences. Sir John English Faculty while the Duke, accompanied by our students in the next three years, studies showed it has the fifth developments that have taken said, “We were delighted the who is also Chancellor of the Chancellor, HRH The Duke and a rise of 44% in income from highest gay populations in the place over the intervening five Queen was here.” Inside the cen- University, visited the Classics of Edinburgh. The visit was a overseas fees from £1,125m to UK. Cambridge City council years.” tre the Queen met school-chil- Faculty. tribute to the superb work of £1,621m in 2007/08. British uni- came first in the East of Her Majesty spent the morn- dren who showed her a maths After lunch at Queen’s College our Departments and versities are regarding the increas- England Equality Awards 2005 ing at the Centre for project. the Queen unveiled a plaque to Colleges.” es in the visa charge as a ‘failure of after a series of projects and joined up government.’ While exhibitions such as Lesbian and government targets regarding the Gay History Month and the number of overseas applications Pink Pamphlet, a gay guide to The first lady of fitness, Jane Fonda, pays a visit to Cambridge Union have been well exceeded, universi- Cambridge. Last year it also ties feel the increases in visa costs came third in a list of UK local of ‘Conversations’. Fonda enthusi- now is.The character of her father, the aerobics craze in the 1980s have come at a time when compe- authorities with gay friendly astically praised the ‘‘depth of his- film-actor Henry Fonda, whom with her Workout Book. Her first tition from other countries, espe- policies. The city council’s tory’’ in Cambridge to a receptive she only learnt to understand fully film for fifteen years, Monster-in- cially the USA, is intensifying; equalities officer, Sigrid Fisher audience in the University in his latter years, overshadowed Law, in which she plays the thus jeopardising the initiatives to said that many young gay men Church. ‘‘I feel like I’ve steeped her childhood. She blames a sense prospective mother-in-law of attract overseas students. and lesbians were attracted to into a dream. I’ve never been to of low self-worth for the ‘‘quite Jennifer Lopez’s character, has Nicky Zeeman, King’s College liberal attitudes in Cambridge Cambridge before and I want to extreme examples of how a been widely criticized as puerile by Admissions Tutor, believes: “We and the fact that it is “a cosmo- cry – it’s so beautiful’’, she told lis- woman would betray her body’’, the American press. regularly lose excellent applicants politan city and very welcom- teners. She later signed copies of from plastic surgery to wife swap- But Fonda believes that her from abroad because the big ing.” her autobiography in Waterstones. ping, and the bulimia she suffered assessment of her life in her American universities scoop them Her variegated life, as it from through her teens until her newly published autobiography up; this results in a major deple- BEAUTIFUL CAMBRIDGE David Marusza emerges in her new book, is an late thirties. can be a genuinely positive upon tion of the richness and variety of obvious focus of interest for the But Fonda’s life is also a colour- the lives of those women who the educational experience that According to Lonely Planet Academy Award winning actress Gender Institute’s series. In My fully optimistic narrative that read it. ‘‘What I realised at the we might offer in England.” UK guide to Great Britain, Jane Fonda spent June 7CORR in Life So Far Fonda is driven to ask, includes her involvement in the end of that year (of writing the Visas, who manage immigration Cambridge is ahead of Oxford, Cambridge talking with fans and ‘Why is it that so many women struggle against the Vietnam War book) is that although I’m differ- administration for the govern- with “a tranquil, ageless beauty students about her life, films and grow up thinking we’re not good for which she earned both the ent, privileged, financially inde- ment, defend the increase in that can’t be found anywhere newly published autobiography enough?’. Fonda declares that her hatred and love of American com- pendent, the core story is univer- charges by saying that the fees else.” It also states that it has a My Life So Far. Fonda, 67, own history is a process of devel- mentators during the 1970s. She sal. And I thought if I could tell must reflect the true cost of pro- vibrant cultural life thanks to addressed an audience in Great St. opment from an early lack of self- has won two Oscars for Klute my story with depth and honesty, cessing visas and prevent abuse of the student population, is Mary’s as part of the Cambridge esteem to the fulfilled and self- (1971) and Coming Home it could, in a way, for a road map the system by bogus applicants. immaculately preserved, but Institute for Gender Studies series confident personality she feels she (1978). More recently, she started for other women’’. also bustling with activity. A punt along the Backs is praised as “sublime” and there are also nods towards Midsummer House and The Fort St RAG auction raises over £20,000 George. In terms of architec- r ture, King’s chapel is picked out Chine Mbubaegbu which the auction was raising pion since 1960, which was sold e g n

as one of “the highlights of any money. for £2,100, and a signed leather- i r r

trip to England.” THE BIGGEST ever student Eubank’s unusual style saw him bound Princess Diana book – the e

charity auction took place at sharing anecdotes, reciting poems 231st of only 250 made, which D l e

GOODY KNIGHTED Cambridge Union last month, and encouraging those present to was won by for £3,100. a h c

raising over £20,000 for charity. dig deep to bid for the items up Not so successful were items i

Professor Jack Goody, Fellow of The RAG charity event, for auction in order to help those such as a small signed photograph M St. John’s, has been awarded a which was devised by Christophe less fortunate. The boxer was also of comedian Graham Norton, Knighthood in the Queen’s Griffiths, a recent graduate of St on hand to act as auctioneer for which reached a disappointing Birthday Honours List for serv- John’s College, Cambridge, near- the final item – a signed £20. Similarly, a signed limited ices to Social Anthropology. ly doubled the previous student Muhammad Ali boxing glove, edition book by Jeffrey Archer Professor Goody said: “I was charity auction total of £12,000. which went for over £2,000. was expected to go for £200, but overjoyed. It wasn’t something I Students, local residents and col- Other items for sale included a those at the auction were only charity, he decided to undertake crammed with surplus demands.” had expected. Not many people lectors gathered at the football signed by the entire prepared to pay £70 for it. his own venture on a bigger scale, The takings from the charity get it particularly in academic University’s Union chamber and Liverpool team; the club having Auction Co-ordinator recruiting the help of local auction brought the total raised by work.” Professor Goody has were treated with an opening won the European Cup just a few Griffiths, who had gained a Cambridge establishments such RAG this year to £126,000, up written about differences speech by last-minute guest days earlier ensured that the ball degree in Geography followed by as pubs, clubs and bars, as well as £23,000 from last year. Proceeds between families in Europe, Chris Eubank. Griffiths said: went for an impressive total of Management Studies, said he got colleges and students. The com- from the evening will be donated Africa and Asia and the culture “We were delighted that he £540 to a student of the the idea from having attended a mittee was made up of a number to around 30 charities including of cultivating flowers and femi- [Eubank] was able to come at University. similar event at his school. of students who helped organised national charities such as Cancer nism. such short notice free of charge.” The highest-selling items Impressed with the number of the event whilst doing exams. Research UK and DHIVerse, as Eubank is a representative of included a framed 100th US services that people were willing Griffiths thanked the students well as local charities including three of the 28 charities for Open Flag signed by every cham- to give for free in order to help “whose exam terms I have Cambridge Samaritans.

www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 NEWS 7 Happy result for Channel Blues News In Brief NEW ROYAL SOCIETY Lilie Weaver down to Dover to embark on a minutes. The crew entered by Club. Students from St. Johns, outings on the open sea, lasting FELLOWS tough and challenging race the event sponsors Deloitte Trinity, and Sidney Sussex com- more than 5 hours, and 3-4 hour THIS WEEK most across the Channel. came third. “We thought it peted against each other, along long “erg” (rowing machine) ses- Forty-four scientists from Cambridge students were Cambridge crews dominated would take between three and with the Deloitte team and two sions have been the order of the around the world have recent- relaxing, indulging in strawber- the finishing order - the race four hours but we had optimal crews from Oxford - a female day for the last term. Many of ly become Fellows of the ries and Pimm’s, and enjoying was won by Lady Margaret Boat wind conditions so we had quite crew from Regent’s Park and the Cambridge rowers have also Royal Society, following in all the extravagances of the Club (St. John’s), in a time of 3 fast times” said Naomi Lady Margaret Hall, and anoth- been training for, and compet- the footsteps of Isaac May Balls. For thirty dedicated hours and 37 minutes, with First Longworth of LMBC. er composite from St. Anne’s ing in, the May Bumps, in addi- Newton, Charles Darwin and rowers, though, Monday of and Third Trinity hot on their The attempt was organised by and St. Hugh’s. tion to their usual academic Stephen Hawking. From May week saw them trekking heels with a time of 3 hours 40 members of Lady Margaret Boat Deloitte will cover the workload, leaving little time for Cambridge, these have major costs incurred, leaving other commitments. Jenny Lee, included Professor Daniel St. all the sponsorship money the cox of First and Third Johnston, a Wellcome Trust e e

L raised by the individuals Trinity’s crew recalls their first Principal Fellow, Dr David d

r involved to be donated to training outing off the coast of Spiegelhalter, a Senior a

n Cancer Research UK. Dover: “It was very wet - lots of Scientist at the MRC n e The rowers raced in coxed water splashing over the riggers Biostatistics Unit, Professor L f

o coastal fours, which are consid- and into my face… and you run Trevor Robbins, Professor of y

s erably wider and more stable out of things to say. Next time Cognitive Neuroscience, e t

r than the racing boats usually I’m going to bring a magazine to Professor Ian Paterson, of u o found on the Cam. This helped read to them.” Organic Chemistry, Professor C them to cope with the challenge Ed Goodfellow of St. Anne’s Andrew Blake, Dr Luca of riding waves in the open sea, College, Oxford had a slightly Cardelli and Dr Philip Evans. a far cry from the usual sedate more eventful time on the sea. river rowing in Cambridge, dur- “[We] broke our boat and NUS DISCOUNT ing the three to four hours it almost sank on our first outing. CARD SCANDAL took to make it to France. No The official story is we were substitutions were allowed after attacked by a shark which bore The National Union of the race had begun, and each a striking resemblance to one Students [NUS] has crew had to deal themselves of our rower’s feet.” launched a hunt to find out with the challenges of staying In the end, however, the which of its student unions is hydrated and fed. Before whole thing went off without a selling NUS membership Monday, there had only been 20 hitch, and in true Cambridge cards on eBay, the auction successful attempts made at style, many of the competitors website. Cards are being rowing across the channel since could be found sipping Pimms advertised for between 99p the 1960s, so there is no doubt and champagne, watching fire- and £8.00 on eBay but are that this is a long, arduous, and works at Trinity’s May Ball by worth hundreds of pounds in potentially dangerous race. Monday evening. Who says a discounts from high street The training schedule was small thing like rowing across shops like Top Shop and tough: the teams were required the channel should get in the HMV. It is believed that these Ready for the off: the crews prepare for the cross-Channel race to have completed at least two way of May week? cards are being leaked from NUS unions rather than being stolen from individuals, and packaged as new with a discount booklet. Purchasers Up All Night past its bedtime simply have to fill in their name on the cards, which will Kirsty McQuire support of secured acts such as eties and organisations, including ning of May Week have attracted This sentiment is certainly then expire in September. the Queens’-based Sleepwalker, it the University itself ’ with the curious speculation. Competition shared by Greg Cook and Ed Martin Ings, NUS national THE UP ALL NIGHT web- seems that the managerial struc- aim of ‘opening up the debate on with major fixtures such as the Stone of Sleepwalker, who are treasurer, views this as “dis- site makes emphatic that the tures have been blighted by artis- homelessness,’ perhaps by hold- Robinson and Homerton balls keen to return to play next graceful” with the cards as event, originally scheduled for tic difficulties and organisational ing related forums. Roueché has been denied as a contributing year’s concert. They say they something to “help students Friday 17th June, has been struggle, in particular leaving the hopes to increase the musical factor, with Roueché giving see the groundwork laid so far out, not anyone else.” postponed, as opposed to can- event under-publicised. Roueché line-up and endeavor to ‘attract a assurances that the unique event as ‘setting a precedent for a celled outright. Though all tick- admits that the enterprise was bigger headline act,’ casting fur- has a secure target audience and valuable annual event.’ PETROL STATION ets have since been refunded in ‘extremely ambitious,’ given the ther doubt on the ‘mystery act’ will remain committed to its It is to be hoped that those CLOSED full, this statement is seconded ‘unrealistic’ time-frame of only six promised the first time around. founding principles of raising behind such an innovative and by organiser Tom Roueché of weeks between conceptual brain- The reasons behind the rela- money to tackle the prominent well-intentioned undertaking The Texaco petrol station Downing College, who is storming and the proposed pro- tively long-term deferment of homeless issue, providing a plat- are able to use their experience in Huntington Road, adamant that the charity benefit duction itself. He describes it as a Up All Night and the decision to form for new music and advocat- to date to combine sufficient Cambridge, was closed on concert will return in the Lent ‘last-minute’ venture, born of reschedule it to mark the end of ing inclusion across the business acumen with their June 14th, with the loss of term of 2006. ‘spontaneous discussion among Lent term rather than the begin- Cambridge community. zeal and benevolence in future. thirteen jobs; the land will be A May Week project with a friends’ which, driven by the sold for alternative use. social conscience, the night was strength of its cause and vision, Duke of Edinburgh visits Homerton Texaco is selling its company- originally billed as a pro-active grew to attract the support of managed service stations to e c i attempt to prove that ‘there’s numerous sponsors, record label f focus on supplying its net- f more to Cambridge than tuxes.’ scouts, representatives in the City O work of 1,100 independent s s

This was to be achieved primari- Council, APU and surrounding e retailers. Unconfirmed r ly by promoting local musical tal- 6th form colleges and was soon P rumours suggest that a major y t ent, regardless of the infamous fronted by a 20-strong team of s fast-food chain may be inter- i r town/gown divide, and plough- student enthusiasts. e ested in purchasing the site. v i

ing the proceeds into a charity Quick to discount speculation n for the homeless, the Cambridge regarding ticket sales or conflict U GIRTON STUDENTS e h

Street Outreach Team. The of interests with any of the above t BAILED f

Corn Exchange presented a suit- contacts, either student, residen- o y s ably professional, mainstream yet tial or commercial, the Artistic e The six Girton students t r

prominent choice of venue which Director cites the committee’s u arrested in connection with o

would draw a projected audience unanimous dissatisfaction with C serious sexual assault on of 1500, whilst attracting both the prospective standard and another male student in London DJs and aspiring young impact of the event as prompting March have had their bail acts, for instance recent Battle of its adjournment. He acknowl- extended until July 25. This the Bands champion Emunah. edges these aspects to have been was after the accused were Up All Night also intended to compromised by time con- bailed to return to Parkside present a diverse showcase of straints, yet firmly believes the Police station on Friday July Cambridge creativity, and was to planned logistics to have the 10th. The incident occurred feature a debut showing of a potential to be enhanced and in the early hours of March 17 Cinecam film, an art exhibition produce ‘a better quality’ pro- following an end-of-term bop by architecture students and a gram able to ‘raise even more at the college. The accused are potential collaboration with money for charity.’ Such refine- from Cambridge, Essex, Phocus, the university photo- ments, he suggested, might Wales, Middlesex and Surrey graphic society. include making the event ‘more The University’s Chancellor, Prince Philip, unveiled a plaque at the new education faculty at and have been allowed to con- However, despite the night’s high-profile’ through expanding Homerton College last Tuesday. The Vice-Chancellor, Alison Richard, and the head of the Faculty tinue their studies and take ideology having won the solid ‘collaboration with different soci- of Education, also attended the ceremony. their exams.

8 NEWS June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

Architectural Award for Fitz t r e

May Week in Numbers b l i c i G h s p Natasha Anders i a n r n g e o t D puts things into o h P t perspective with e J a few May Ball facts and figures John’s

• 25,000 chocolates were con- sumed over the course of the night. • Over 2000 litres of smoothie juice was drunk over the course of the ball. • Allan Clayton, one of the Three Tenors, and performer at John’s ball, also recently sang the national anthem at FA Cup final. • Rokysopp, one of the main Alliums, Astrolemerala and tall the ball. • Thirsty guests guzzled down headliners, brought their stage delphiniums. • Amy Winehouse, although 697 bottles of spirits. and props from their recent • Close to 800 dined at the not performing at the ball, was a • 0.9 cubic metres of tobacco tour, to John’s. event, which is famed for its guest and came to support her were smoked. dining. 7 chefs were involved boyfriend, Tyler James who did • 48 inflatable flowers stolen at Magdalene in catering for the may ball do a set at the ball. the end of the event. and were advised by Marco • Jesus also managed to secure • One 10m infltable wine bot- • 800 bottles of champagne Pierre White, the world Terri Walker at the last minute tle found floating past John's. were drunk as well as over 1000 famous chef. who performed a forty five • Enthusiastic dance heads smoothies minute slot before going on to managed to light up the event The Royal Institute of British Architects (RIBA) has awarded • 900 stems of flowers were Jesus perform at Trinity the same night. with 3000 glow sticks. RIBA awards to three new Cambridge buildings for their archi- used. The Magdalene May ball • And for those clumsy ones tectural excellence. A new gatehouse and auditorium at committee were at Western • Jesus’ sushi stall, situated at King’s amongst you the lost property- Fitzwilliam College was amongst those honoured and the market at 3am to pick the flow- the entrance of the ball, was included... 7 lost shoes, 1 pair RIBA commented it had “given self-belief to a relatively new ers out, which included rare and relieved of 2350 pieces of sushi • Revellers stuffed their gobs of knickers...rowdy rowdy (1960s) and distinctly unstuffy Cambridge College”. beautiful species such as Globe in under an hour at the start of with 1792 Jam tarts. rowdy.

now available at borders, heffers and online

just £6.99

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www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 NEWS ROUND UP 9 Review of the Year Tom Stoddart and Peter Radford use a day at the cricket to discuss the year

The year began, and Team Selection The Opposition Contested Decisions Cambridge lost the Admissions were the Varsity also managed to have When tough times of a tedious Cricket. Michaelmas hot topic, with Hawkeye fixed on the Other tiring news week looms, one can the corridor of uncertainty Place. Not to be outdone, two always rely on King’s College to Selectors surrounding home, sport and Oxford students were rusticated offer a front page. The outfield Mutiny amongst the team minority students. The man for hacking into secure University news items provided were a selectors in October 2004 saw a fielding the questions, Dr networks “We were simply trying revamp for King’s bar (controver- furious debate over Geoff Parks (Director of to expose the failings in Oxford’s sial stuff!) and student’s persistent Cambridge’s new pay and grad- Admissions) said: “These fig- IT network” Our friends then dissatisfaction with appointments ing structure: “The thing most ures make us realise that, even went from bad to worse when made in college, even the Senior damaging to staff morale in any though we’re putting in a lot Tom Littler was seen to have Tutor. KCSU Coordinator institution is the notion of of effort already, there is privileged his own play “Quartet.” claimed: “His appointment unfairness. Good intentions much more yet to do.” Little did he know he would be would pose many potential prob- have not been enough.” Perhaps Oxbridge Applications, for a hit for six when arguments over a lems.” Crazy. money could be saved from small fee, will help to “demys- “conflict of interest that was both instant fines for dropping litter tify” the process. Apparently. perceived and real” saw him Boycott on Boycotts and not leaving burnt out The start of 2005 saw sacked followed by an early decla- No University would be right Volvos for sale outside Americans choose the ration by his OxStu team mates. without a few staple marching Magdalene? Ah. Yes. Republican team to follow However, it would seem our protests. This year the openers on, and later the same story counterparts are not without were animal testing, arms and fox Talent List was told of Labour in the UK. humour, as one plucky player hunting neglecting the now lower Varsity published a list of But there was bad news for attempted to raise funds for the order of Top Up Fees. Yawn. On student activities worthy of Cambridge’s Anne Campbell: season by flogging Brasenose Arms, CUSU President Wes note and recognition through- A Maiden Over. College on eBay! Streeting ranted “it is completely out Cambridge in an effort to unacceptable for colleges to invest improve on the dubious ‘Power in these very dubious companies.” List’ – “These changes will not On the matter of animal testing free the Talent 100 from all we were told that “the home criticism. But they will, I hope, office concluded that there was go some way toward dispelling no evidence that existing safe- the notion that this document guards were any way defective.” is either worthless or purely So, removing the skull from a egotistical. Let us know if you monkey is fine? disagree.” We’ll leave that with No shortage of U-Turns this year the Third Umpire. Hook Shots/ U-Turns voted for them, then opposed apology for any offence The catering for this years variable top up fees and sub- caused. Then came the second Captaincy match Tea was as ever provid- sequently voted for them and when an anonymous disgrun- In the same academic year as ed by Gardies. Fears of a now we’re meant to trust her tled clubber alleged he we saw Dame Rosemary removal from the fine purvey- on Iraq.” received comments such as Murray, the first female ors of “healthy Mediterranean “This is not a gay night”, Cambridge VC sadly pass away, cuisine” were quashed by a Unsporting Conduct “Fuck off and never come we also witnessed an intake of massive U-Turn of “Scrooge- Further play was marred by back” and “I have nothing fresh female blood as Laura like proportions” from Caius. an incident involving several against gay people but I don’t Walsh was duly elected CUSU Other fine hooks were played Girton players whose poor want you in my club again.” chief as a replacement for third by CUSU who backed NUS’s conduct led to them being which put a downer on man after CUSU claimed they reforms on the size of its removed from the pitch. An things. On the upside we got were “encouraging students to annual conference despite inquiry into the incident has to see Fran Healy and his vote” – lucky that. Walsh said: originally being against them. been launched with the police chums from Travis who “I’m really pleased. I feel I ran The most impressive range of taking their bails until further popped along to defend the the right campaign and gave shots came from the now notice. homeless and got a chance for the right messages”. Let’s hope unsurprisingly Ex-MP Anne extra cover on the lovely DJ she doesn’t end up at slip with- Campbell who backed British After-Party: No Kilts Nelson. What a keeper. out a spinner. Meanwhile we troop deployment to a US Ballare found itself at the saw other players drop the stan- controlled region of Iraq. The centre of attention twice this dard of their game when Ribu student Lib-Dems argued: year. Firstly a controversial And so the year Tharakan was nudged out for a “Anne Campbell declared no ‘Colonials and Natives’ ended, and Cambridge duck following controversy over tuition fees here and then themed night required an won the Cricket. a financial crisis and “adminis- trative incompetence” from a GU which was described to be in a “farcical” state. Lucky for him that week the camera’s focus was slightly distracted by a flock of stunning ospreys. Bloody love Gardies: Secure at last Out With Injuries The Facilities This year’s selection proved The new Fenners was built difficult with a huge proportion and is great. Over the road of students unfit to play with Parkers Piece prize winning mumps. Despite the pissers were built in a wacky University’s best efforts, the post modern style to keep the attendance for vaccinations was pedestrian punters happy with not exceptional. “With this money that would have been number of cases, by this time in used for Cricket! But, allitera- term, we could be looking at a tion aside, we also saw the “new problem.” “Once they begin to pee pods to provide for pissing feel better, we are advised that pests” in the centre of town. there is no reason why patients Needless to say these were not should not take meals in hall designed by the Architecture and/or mix with other stu- department who were busy dents.” That’ll explain the being told that rain would stop relapse then. This issue also saw play (so they marched) and the Varsity Fashion page hit appreciated the irony that: silly point when it proclaimed “inside the senate house would tights should be worn as tops, not be an appropriate venue for and that plastic toy helicopters such a demonstration”. Cripps Calendar Fantastic! provide this season’s head dress. Court maybe? Fran Healy popped by to support the homeless 10 COMMENT June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Senate House and Andy Strauss On the difficulties of trying to write a column in May Week

(Australia are 43 for none; s e i Henman a break up in the r Archie h first; and I think Andy p m Murray might be on in a u

Bland H

bit) my exam results are y l i

Student Columnist supposed to have come L of the Year out by now, except I’ve just been to check for them again and they still aren’t there, which is deeply irri- t’s not reasonable to expect tating. And I just got poked by anyone to concentrate for someone on facebook, which is I750 words when the weath- obviously always pretty exciting. er’s this hot. Look, I probably And you will have noticed that shouldn’t be telling you this, but the weather is really, really nice, this column is not exactly writ- and you will understand why ing itself, and it’s driving me what I really want to do is go for nuts. Usually, thinking of what a swim. to write and how to write it is Emmanuel has its own swim- the tricky bit, whereas the actu- ming pool, you know – also, inci- al typing-out more or less takes dentally, a free laundry service, care of itself. Not this time. I neither of which are features I know that columnists should, as expect to come across for a while a rule, steer well clear of unfo- in my post-university life - and cused self-referentiality: but this some friends of mine are sitting near it and occasionally jumping England are in (pool, not laundry), and one of playing cricket, my them just phoned me from her pocket by mistake (one of the results are late, great recurring perils of a first and what I really name at the beginning of the alphabet) and I couldn’t make out account I just took a break suf- timetables and finishing dates, may week’s aimless pleasures, slightest chance of winning want to do is go exactly what they were saying, but ficiently long to get to Senate it’s very hard, at this point in and perhaps it will begin to Wimbledon, ever. And only a for a swim there were definitely frequent tin- House and back – AGAIN, and the Cambridge calendar, to seem not meandering, reason- fool would write Australia off kles of what sounded like deli- I can only hope you can feel the focus on anything more com- less crap, but actually a as over hill, despite their time, the world seems to be cious cold drinks being poured boiling rage in those capital let- plicated than which balls one’s RATHER CLEVER way of recent form: Strauss just got conspiring to distract me, and I instead, and occasional vast gales ters - with still not the slightest going to, or whose friend made harnessing my doziness. out and then another wicket don’t feel like I have choice but of laughter. So, you can see what hint available as to whether I the most spectacular break-in. And if you insist on a point, I fell right after and England to let you, the reading public, in I’m up against. In fact, I think I should ring Eade and This is not a time of year offer you the following. are in all sorts of trouble. on the reasons why. Seeing as might be missing a garden party. Ravenscroft to cancel all the designed to encourage sharp It’s completely extraordinary And swimming pools are better it’s my last column and all. You And I bet you bastards are only graduation kit. The bastards. focus (on anything except what that A-level boards which have than computers. deserve no less. skim reading this anyway. Well, Anyway, look, the point is, in Christ’s name I’m going to thousands of scripts to mark are And, OK, here it is: Here, then, is the catalogue. let me tell you, this free-and-easy coming up with something do with my life, but I can’t go better at sticking to a deadline Cambridge is lovely; June is England are playing cricket AT prose style isn’t so free-and-easy, serious and pointful to say in on about that again), and you than the English Faculty, which lovely; Cambridge in June is THE SAME TIME as Tim under the circumstances. May Week is difficult enough can hardly expect me to break has weeks to deal with 120 and loveliest of all. And leaving is Henman is playing tennis, so I Um, in conversation, let alone in the general trend. still makes you come back the pretty exciting, but it’s pretty check the BBC sport pages Oh, nuts. I’ve lost my thread, print: just as in the weeks prior So, yes, that’s the best way of next day. Also, even the greatest sad, too. And, have a lovely between sentences, and occa- such as it was. Blame the to exams all one hears are approaching it: treat this col- optimist can no longer contend summer. I’m off for a dip. sionally at semi-colons; and English faculty, on whose anguished comparisons of umn as a kind of prose proxy for that Tim Henman has the [email protected] Challenging the Paxo welcome azine to the back of crisp the reverse of our ticket, we quaking students, he stood Singanayagam, despite reneg- sure sign of a mind replete with packets, is a potential pot discovered that we would be hands on hips, with his leg ing on his threat to add a the most recondite knowl- Jon of gold. unable to obtain any nourish- slightly cocked, looking down number of extra syllables, edge), and their trigger fingers I was fortunate enough ment on entering the building. the length of his nose and sur- would have proved a mouthful moved like butterflies and Beckman to spend a pleasant This seemed to be simply a veying his potentate, and sur- for anyone. Instead, in one of stung like bees. Churchill Sunday travelling the sign of northern parsimony. rounded by a bustling bevy of the warm-up rounds, we were College competed against a scenic route to However, as we later discov- assistants whose job it was to treated by Roger to a very team from York University Manchester (fields, some ered three drinks machines, a fetch ties and assure the audi- good impression of Rory which included a man who bushes, the occasional snack machine and a restau- ence that ‘Jeremy is really very Bremner’s impression of supply flexed his eyebrows at he higher echelons of bovine) to watch the filming rant the size of a football nice’. Only once did this hau- Jeremy Paxman, which pro- the camera at every opportuni- intellectual nirvana are of two episodes of this engag- pitch, I can only assume that teur evaporate as he drank a voked the Silver Fox to ty, another whose lazy drawl Tpopulated by three ing TV programme, and espe- this was an example of the carton of orange juice, identi- attempt to strangle Roger with and linen suit made him types of people. The intelli- local badinage. We were cal to the kind distributed to the chord of a helium balloon. resemble some youthful colo- gent, whose slick and rapid Granada Studios, shunted down towards the the audience for their presence nial Governor-General, and firing neurones enable them to like most things studio where the blatantly and their patience, and, for a Only once did their captain, who positively grapple with the most chal- polystyrene décor made the moment, he resembled a relished saying the word ‘penis’ lenging of problems; the wise, Mancunian, ring of arena appear like a slightly schoolboy, rewarded for his Paxman’s hauteur on TV. Churchill’s rowdy and who steeped with a profound the seventies brainier version of It’s a brilliance but with the tacit vanish; for a witless supporters, fuelled by understanding of the condi- Knockout. hope that the suckling on the moment he resem- cider, attempted, unsuccessful- tions of life; and the clever, cially to cheer on the Christ’s Paxman presided from his straw would silence the smart ly, to convince Paxman to refer who know a lot. University team, who were making their dais, aloof and contemptuous, alec comments for a few bled a schoolboy to the burly leader of the Challenge is a programme for first appearance since a storm- like an Olympian deity who, moments. Churchillians as ‘fat lad’, a the clever. It is a programme ing set of performances three aggrieved at having to put Roger, the man whose job it Christ’s did not disgrace manoeuvre which managed to for those whose minds are years ago propelled them into upstart students in their place is to announce the university themselves. They were up extract from the former a brief sponges, not sieves, for people the final. Granada Studios, instead of Oliver Letwin or and name at each press of the against a strong side from the and swift effusion of despair, a who carefully log each and like most things Mancunian, John Reid, deflated his sneer- buzzer, loitered, though his School of Oriental and African moment which breached the every piece of trivia they come ring of the seventies. A huddle ing with an overt sense of announcements were not per- Studies which contained to superciliousness and cracked across, however redundant it of other fans had gathered ennui. His head is noticeably formed live. This was a disap- portly and distinguished mid- open the self-caricature to may seem. Anything, from outside where, upon reading large in proportion to his pointment, especially since dle-aged gentleman, one of reveal a relatively normal Wetherspoons’ in-house mag- the terms and conditions on body, and, when not grilling Christ’s star Bramen whom was reading Sanskrit (a human being. www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 EDITORIAL 11 y h p a r g o t o h P l a n o i s a c c O

“Ever since coming to this ball, I’ve found Nam funny.”

11-12 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1QA 01223 353422 Editor Henry Bowen

Artistic discretion Needless to say, each College must be run in May Ball bureaucracy Deputy Editor Lucy Phillips a business-like manner, as the College’s ongo- ing solvency is in the interest of all its mem- News Editor Chine Mbubaegbu The staff at New Hall were undoubtedly put in bers. But any money raised by the College And so, another May Week draws to a close. Natasha Anders a very difficult situation when the US Military should only ever be intended for uses which After the protracted and concentrated effort requested the covering up of the painting - any directly or indirectly help its members. And a that most of us have had to apply this term, it Photos Editor Lily Humphries establishment which is £7 million in debt College should never attempt to raise money in is unsurprising that the last few days have Front Page Image Tom Windley might easily consider a £4000 booking. But a way that compromises its fundamental values. passed in a sybaritic blur. May Balls provide an Production Managers Ifti Qurashi despite financial pressures on the College, it Many Colleges have only appointed opportunity to enter an artificial wonderland David Wyatt was lack of discretion by staff and communica- Development Fellows within the last decade; for one night, and many students take the tion within college which ultimately led to the equally it is only recently that they have begun opportunity to celebrate the end of their year Features Editor Beth Alexander sacrifice of the college’s integrity. to see the potential revenue that catering and by spending some of their hard-borrowed cash News Features Editor Tom Stoddart As funding gets squeezed, colleges are going conference business can generate. Such rapid on a ticket to one of these unique events. to need to be increasingly resourceful in find- progress in these fields, with many members of Others choose to save their money, but still get Literature Editor Elly Shepherd ing new sources of income to allow them to staff recruited from private industry, has fre- involved with the balls by choosing to act as Alice Gillham continue in their current state. Unlike suggest- quently meant that conflicts of interest develop workers. Film Editor Laura Whittle ed plans to increase the numbers of overseas between the members of the College and the The hard-working ball committees should Music Editor Rebecca Kemp students or removing the ceiling on top-up staff trying to raise money for them. be given the praise they deserve for giving up Theatre Editor Imogen Walford fees, revenue can be gained by the hiring out of Colleges are increasingly required to gener- so much of their own time to organise what are Fashion Editor Quentin Jones catering and conference facilities without neg- ate funding by themselves to make up the extremely complicated logistical operations. atively impacting the students it is trying to funding gap, and these problems are likely to But it must not be forgotten that the ultimate Sport Editor Lowly Hodge support. intensify. Therefore it is crucial that purpose of any ball is to provide an entertain- As well as the value of the Cambridge brand, Cambridge Colleges take the chance to clearly ing and enchanting evening for all the guests. Business Manager & Eve Williams most colleges have good facilities set in beauti- specify the roles of the different parts of their Many of the balls charge prices for tickets that Quiz Master ful surroundings which make them highly structure. Situations such as that arising would be seen as absurd in most other univer- Email the business manager to enquire about placing desirable for such commercial applications. It recently at New Hall can only be avoided if the sities. Consistently healthy ticket sales indicate adverts. Letters for publication should be emailed or is natural that increasingly cash-starved College defines the exact purpose of the cater- that many students consider it a price worth posted to the editor. Colleges will be attempting to expand the ing department. Colleges must not allow their paying, but this does not mean that guests scope of such ventures. But it must not be for- students to become subordinate to the revenue should ever be taken for granted. If the good To get involved in a section, email the relevant section editor listed above, and come along to a meeting. No gotten what the purpose of the College is. As stream which is generated, ultimately, for their treatment of guests and workers is margin- experience necessary. part of the University, the Colleges exist pri- own benefit. alised by the demand to live up to tradition and marily to provide their members with school- maintain out-dated values, then the balls have Varsity is published by Varsity Productions Ltd, and ing in their chosen subject, to aid them in any failed their purpose. The loss of their good rep- printed by Cambridge Evening News. All copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Publications Ltd. No further research they may choose to undertake, utation would be a terrible shame; we must part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored in a and to provide a safe and secure environment safeguard that reputation to ensure it endures retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any for them to do these things. as successfully as it deserves to. means, without prior permission of the publisher. U nfortunately the crazy frog was not able to be with us today. He was otherwise engaged getting rowdy Answers to Quiz on Page 13 rowdy. But he leaves a heartfelt message for his fans: a Round 1: a) Modern Languages; b) Engineering; c) Mathematics; d) Natural Sciences. ring ding ding ding a ring ding ding ding. Anyone Round 2: a) Trinity; b) Churchill, c) Wolfson; d) Jesus; e) Caius; f) Robinson. wishing to collect dady long legs should visit the office before the end of term. Please do not be hating on our Round 3: 1C-B-A; 2b; 3a; 4b; 5c; 6b; 7a; 8c; 9c; 10c; 11b; 12a; 13c; 14c; 15a; 16b; 17b; 18c; 19 : 1b, 2a, 3c styles. Coo Coo Coo. Point your toes. Rad. Round 4: a: It’s a bike! b) Post box outside King’s. c) The sign at Sainsbury’s. d) Inside The Bun Shop. e) The Mathematical Bridge at Queens’. 12 FEATURES June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Let’s get absolutely faced Beth Alexander pokes the online networking phenomenon

AN unexplained and extraordi- Facebook began in February last fuzzy at the edges. When, for you? Does sharing nary fever broke out in year when Chris Hughes and Facebook example, is a poke deemed personal information – Cambridge just before exams Mark Zuckerberg decided to appropriate and what if it’s mis- friends, interests, boyfriend, and many are left reeling from make Harvard a more personal Compulsive understood or worse still, unre- girlfriend- some trusting face- its effects. It’s long term, conta- place. Facebook has since swept turned? Unreturned pokes are bookers will even go as far as gious and so far no effective through America like wildfire, Disorder not half as rude as denying entering their phone number cure has been found. Facebook searing through college dorms acceptance of a potential friend - with millions of students Fever continues to strike and and establishing itself as an indis- Facebook binging is set to although this is generally unlike- make us part of one intimate addiction is growing at an pensable feature of American col- replace all forms of tradi- ly given the overarching concern global student community or alarming rate. With over 800 lege life. Amongst other major tional student addictions to expand one’s network of perhaps as one paranoid universities and colleges regis- publications, the Facebook phe- and is proving far more friends to at least reach the hun- American facebooker tered both here and in the nomenon has appeared in the lethal. Confessions of face- dred mark target (a mark of uni- laments, Facebook is a Big States and nearly 3 million stu- pages of the Washington Post book addicts are popping up versal Facebook respectability). Brother conspiracy set up by the Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cam- dents infected, a pandemic of and the Los Angeles Times. Now on US campuses and coun- When it comes to joining CIA to spy on potential radicals paign for governor. Personally I such epic proportions surely that it’s landed on our college selors are hurriedly being groups, most group founders are and student activists. $500,000 of have better things to do with my represents a cyber revolution of doorsteps will Cambridge ever be trained to deal with prob- eager to initiate newcomers Facebook’s funding came from time than fret over conspiracy our time. the same again? lems resulting from the although some of the more elu- Peter Thiel, founder of Paypal, an theories…like search the The brainchild of two ingen- Never has our amorphous stu- newly diagnosed facebook sive groups restrict access in order online money lending service, Facebook for more potential ious Harvard undergraduates, dent body been so well connected compulsive disorder. to maintain the highest standards who also donated $21,000 to friends. and never has such a quirk of integrity, based on careful grasped our community with analysis of applicants’ profiles. Facebook Facts such intense vigour and lively bad form although it’s a sneaky One disappointed facebooker was Time to tap that ass application. A quick browse flirting tool and has been known denied approval for “the 25 A google search displayed through Cambridge profiles to have rewarding consequences Hottest Girls at GW,” a group 145,000 results including reveals that Facebook appeal for some lucky facebookers, at with a slightly larger membership articles and links for face- knows no bounds. least if some of the more creative base than the 13 Cambridge book Exhaustive friend lists include stories are to be believed. Misfits whose group description the most diverse profiles, unsur- ‘Facebooking,’ the most recent “a selection of the finest fittest (?!) The average Facebook prising given the high popularity term to enter the English lan- female sporting boozers in fanatic checks their stakes engendered by Facebook guage, may lead to superficial Cambridge is yet to be con- Facebooks for new friends fanaticism. Never has the need to acquaintances in the desperate firmed. Cambridge Sluts does and messages at least 5 times acquire new friends been more bid to appear popular but the has so far drawn a whopping 256 a day pressing, if only to compete with romantic benefits are consider- members. ‘Slut in denial’ member the rapidly increasing friends lists is in a relationship with the Facebook founder Mark of one’s already established Even the briefest of group’s supposed-to-be-Revising Zuckerberg is being accused friends. One uber-keen introductions slut, a Liberal Homerton engi- of stealing the Facebook Facebooker, a student at George neer whose favourite music is idea while writing the code Washington University has provides sufficient “weird” and with whom I have a for a comparable site by fel- worked his way up to an astound- basis to send out a common friend. low Harvard students ing 747 ‘friends’ and is still on the friend request Some of the more imaginative lookout for more. From what I’ve groups I have come across The Facebook received discovered so far, even the briefest able. Facebook creates a plausi- include Master’s Garden Last month a student at the University of Chicago $13m in venture capital of introductions and the shortest ble excuse to contact someone Infiltration Society, I’m a natsci launched theassbook.net. Faces are substituted for, yes, you funding in October 2003. of conversations provide suffi- you fancy through common get me out of here, (way too guessed it, the rather more subversive posterior profile con- cient basis to return home to your friends or tangential links and a cliquey) Cindies Rumboogie necting people not based on mutual friends, but on “whom The Facebook has triggered computer, eager to look up the cyberspace rejection is far less Appreciation Society and Join they have hooked up with.” Dating history, sexual encounters social networking sites for remembered name and send out a offensive than any of the more this group if you’ve pulled some- and other sordid personal details are freely exchanged business professionals friend request. And meeting is direct conventional practices of one in it, so far tallying 387 between assbook friends. Replacing the friendly poke, ass- including Tribe.net and not necessarily a prerequisite to pre-Facebook days. The main members including 4 groupies, book buddies can choose to either “smack,” “pinch,” or “tap LinkedIn, with 2.5 million making new friends. Re-named problems appear to stem from a one of whose interests is having that ass.” Sadly, theassbook died before reaching us after its registered users “The Stalker Book” by some, lack of clearly defined protocol orange hair. founder’s hard drive crashed. Bummer. browsing profiles and adding ran- which leaves the boundaries How much does your dom friends can be considered between fun and flirt rather Facebook profile reveal about Don’t remember seeing them in lectures

Murder she may well have wrote, but that’s not all acting diva Angela Lansbury has been typ- Most kebabs are happy to live a simple life, from a brutal birth in Market Square in the early ing in recent months, seemingly having swapped her trusty typewriter for an Internet-enabled hours of the morning, to an untimely end in the gullet of an inebriated student shortly after. PC. In between starring roles in Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Beauty and the Beast and six million This kebab, however, appears far more ambitious. As well as being computer literate enough to Murder She Wrote spin-offs, dear old Ange has somehow found the time to join the Facebook join the Facebook, it is also reading Social and Political Sciences. This kebab has as many as 43 and make 81 thespy friends, as well as launch a search for ‘Random Play’ with ‘Men’. friends, including one intriguing member who claims to live in the Bat Cave. Unfortunately, the Describing herself as ‘very Conservative’ and citing her favourite book as, well, her own autobi- entire “educated kebab” story collapses like a fresher in May Week when you consider that the ography, it’s certainly worth giving this modest TV queen a poke next time you’re online. Van of Life DOESN”T EVEN SELL KEBABS! More on this breaking story soon... www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 QUIZ 13 So you think you know Cambridge? Round 1: a b Combine these images to make up the name of Tripos subjects

c d

Round 2: ab Combine these images to make up the name of colleges

c d e f

a) Ballare on Wednesday of any college at Cambridge? which was closed in 1982. Round 4: Round 3: b) Peterhouse JCR a) St John’s College a c) Life on Sunday b) Trinity College 16) Who is the current c) Fitzwilliam College Chancellor of the University? Test your 7) Who of the following is a) Alison Richard Locate these allowed to eat swan on special 12) Of which college are EM b) HRH Philip, The Duke of Cantab trivia occasions? Forster, David Baddiel and Edinburgh familiar land- a) Members of St John’s Charles Clarke alumni? c) Wes Streeting marks around 1) Put the name of Cambridge’s b) Scudamore Punters a) King’s favourites club in chronological c) People with ASBOs. b) Newnham 17) How many seats are there in the city order, starting with oldest first: c) Peterhouse the Reading Room and West a) Ballare 8) How many colleges are there Room of the University Libary? b) Fifth Avenue in Cambridge? 13) What degree did Carole a) 450 c) Cindy’s a) 46 Vorderman receive? b) 300 b c b) 28 a) A first class in SPS c) 200 2) What disease are you mostly c) 34 b) A second class in Physics likely to contract from swim- c) A third class in Engineering 18) What is the official term for ming in the River Cam: 9) In which year was Peterhouse a form of punishment whereby a) Gonorrhoea founded? 14) Which of the following a student is sent out of resi- b) Weil’s Disease a) 500BC have not been put on New Hall dence for the remainder of the c) Myxomatosis b) 1869 Dome? term? c) 1264 a) Footprints a) Rasterisation 3) What occupied the site b) A wheelie bin b) Rowdification which is now the Judge 10) What anniversary will the c) A punt c) Rustication Institute of Management? University celebrate in 2009? a) Addenbrookes Hospital a) 300 years 15) What is Regent House? 19) Match the kebabs and de b) Gardies b) 1500 years a) The governing body and burgers to the appropriate gas- c) A brothel c) 800 years principal electoral constituency tronomic emporium: of the University. a) Gardies 4) What is the offical motto of 11) Which college has 31 b) Wetherspoons Pub b) Van of Life Cambridge University? Nobel Prize winners, the most c) The 35th Cambridge college c) Van of Death a) A ring ding ding ding ding b) Hinc lucem et pocula sacra c) That’s the way aha aha I like it 1 23

5) Which college got the lowest All photos on this page by Lily Humphries and Eva Wates ever score in University Challenge? a) Trinity Brainless Trivia BA Hons Cantab: b) Trinity Hall c) New Hall Turn to page 11 to discover how clued up you are. 6) What is the Sex Club? 14 MAY BALL REVIEWS June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk y y h h p p a a r r g g o o t t o o h h P P l l a a n n o o i i s s a a c c c c O O

the ‘Orientalism’ section, there those just too far gone there was eclectic set of bootlegs and clas- ety, with its many courts and was mint tea, sheesha pipes and a plentiful supply of soft drinks, sic tracks. Another musical large size. This did, however, shiatsu massage on offer. with fresh juice, milkshakes and highlight was Crumbassive; just only add to our general state of However, the theme was not an interesting selection of teas. what was needed at 3am to get confusion as the evening wore Queens’ immediately obvious and added We were especially happy to get us through the inevitable after- on. Luckily the arches in little to the general experience. hold of several glasses of cham- effects of an hour in the sheesha Cloister Court, gently lit and Johanna Zetterstrom- greeted with a spectacular fire- Despite this, the ball’s pagne at six in the morning, room. Everyone seemed imme- adorned with cushions, provid- Sharp & Sally Jennings works display over the river strongpoint lay in its variety, indeed, a highlight of the diately rejuvenated by their ed the perfect setting for sober- from Erasmus Lawn which eas- with a wealth of food, drink and evening was that there seemed fusion of jazz, hip hop and ing up and considering the map. ily rivalled those of John’s, as entertainment. From the to be a constant supply of drum and bass. Fire shows, All in all, Queens’ ball certainly did the ooing and aahing of the seafood bar to the standard hog everything. hypnotists and ballroom danc- ticked all the right boxes and, Claiming to be the third biggest clearly impressed crowd. roast, even the fussiest eater was The entertainment matched ing provided an alternative, crucially, kept its momentum ball in Cambridge, we had high Ostensibly based around an catered for all night; the deli- the variety of the refreshments: whilst the mini golf, casino and throughout the night. Crashing expectations of Queens’. And ‘Art’ theme, each area represent- catessen and fajitas seemed par- with the Kaiser Chiefs headlin- fairground area also proved out at 6am, slightly dishevelled, despite a slightly nondescript ed a different movement with ticularly popular. Cloister Court ing we opted instead to see the popular. the rest of the crowd amazingly theme, we were not disappoint- corresponding activities and provided Bellinis and beer, criminally underattended Eddy The grounds appeared to be still appeared awake, freshfaced ed. Upon entering we were refreshment. For instance, in whilst for the non drinkers or Temple Morris, who played an the ideal location for this vari- and very much alive. c i h p a r g o t o Emmanuel h P t e David Wyatt found a truly international selec- accompanied by policemen, dap- J & Ifti Qurashi tion of acts from Salsa dancers per city gents and robbers). and the eclectic Baghdaddies to Situated in Leicester Square was It was when the man in the fluo- traditional Scottish Ceilidh the popular “London Eye” Ferris rescent waistcoat and violent dancing (which proved so popu- wheel and a number of food orange shoelaces standing in a lar as to preclude your reviewers stalls; unfortunately the ball’s bus stop (later identified as a from participating). Past the excellent standard was here let member of the intriguingly- Angel was Monopoly Central in down by the length of the queues named “Cosmic Sausages”) the Front Court, the setting of (up to an hour) and rather vari- offered his double bass to a sur- the well-chosen main music acts able quality. Completing the prised attendee in an evening and the Waterworks ice bar. Leicester Square theme was a gown that onlookers realised, The arches at the back of the movie screen and red carpet, fea- once and for all, that this was courtyard directed guests to the turing celebrity look-alikes and May Week in Cambridge. main fairground, the somewhat projected footage of Hollywood’s Where else, as the queue wound arbitrarily delineated areas of brightest stars. its way around North Court, Trafalgar Square, Euston Road, Regent Street was the site of would there be not only fire jug- Leicester Square and Regent the cabaret stage, hosting come- glers, living statues and accor- Street. In Trafalgar Square stood dians, magicians and a stomach- dion-players but even arboreal the obligatory chocolate fountain churning, yet undeniably capti- decorations to disprove the old which was well attended vating, entertainer who lay on adage that “money doesn’t grow throughout the night and replete glass and stapled paper to his on trees”? with remarkably fresh donuts. thighs, chest - and forehead... So began Emmanuel College’s Also to be found were tasty The improv-comic troupe 2005 May Ball. After the expect- Subway sandwiches which Uncertainty Division were well ed hour and a half of queuing proved perhaps too popular, run- received and thoroughly enjoy- confectionery and refreshing hot and chocolates. A unique touch grammes, the Emmanuel guests were treated to the first ning out well before the night able. bacon rolls in the morning as was the Electric Company where College Ball proved a great suc- stop in the Monopoly-themed was over. In the way of No Monopoly board would be well as roving magicians and car- a variety of electronic arcade cess. The theme was particularly ball, Mayfair, where the cham- sideshows, for those guests so complete without Jail, set in the icaturists. The Vine Street wine games, in particular competitive tastefully executed, despite the pagne reception was enlivened inclined there was a chance to College Bar and guarded by a bar in the College Hall provided karaoke, attracted visitors six-foot papier mâché dog. with hookah, sushi and snatches sumo wrestle or to test their string of DJs for those inmates a more relaxed setting where throughout the night. For one night, at least, of music emanating from the strength against the standard set that chose to dance the night guests enjoyed fine classical, jazz Apart from minor logistical Emmanuel College had a Angel, Islington-themed bar. On by Lord Nelson (himself in evi- away. Outside the Jail, Piccadilly and choral musicians while sip- annoyances, such as ticketing Monopoly on entertainment. pursuing the sounds, guests dence throughout the night, Circus offered sideshows, kebabs, ping wine and nibbling on cheese problems and a shortage of pro- www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 MAY BALL REVIEWS 15 c c i i h h p p a a r r g g o o t t o o h h P

St John’s P t t e e J Archie Bland & Amol donuts for afters. It was J Rajan almost too much. But not quite. We have a confession to make. And that’s the great thing We skipped the St John’s about going to John’s. The queue. We are, of course, consumption is just conspicu- wholly committed to the ous enough, and the site just highest standards of objectivi- big enough, that there’s always ty; but there are limits. something you want to do Offered a fast-track ticket, within easy reach, and only a after a lengthy (well, lengthy- very few attractions (the big ish) struggle with our con- wheel, the beautiful balloon, sciences, we came to the con- the early morning bacon clusion that it was The Right sarnies, and not much else) Thing To Do. Still, apparent- were dishearteningly oversub- ly the two-hour wait wasn’t scribed. May balls and their nearly so unpleasant as these concomitant pressure to Have things can be, since the organ- Fun can often induce a kind of isers thoughtfully commis- gluttonous panic, so that one sioned a cellist and the John’s ends up running from stall to Gents (of whom more later) to stall in the vain attempt to get soothe the baying masses. one’s money’s worth, like a It was fortunate said masses contestant on a high-end got in when they did, really, entertainment based since our first move was a Supermarket Sweep; at John’s, whistle-stop tour of the vari- everywhere you turned, some ous culinary pleasures on offer, new pleasure presented itself, That one that looked like a were last year, and similarly pleased they had done so. full of old ladies cackling and and had we been left alone and so there was no rush to do giant sea anemone was nice, is likely to achieve Big Things in How to fit it all in? Um. A dancing round their handbags, with them for very much anything. the best we can do. the near future. Headliners list will have to do. Excellent, but each to their own. Casino. longer one of two things The most extravagant such The Do Me Bad Things are Royksopp – an impressive award-winning (if occasional- And peerless, gorgeous, best- would have happened: death pleasure was probably the fire- easier to describe, and were headlining act on paper – did- ly self-indulgent) comedian, close-harmony-ending-to-a- by hog-roast, or an unprece- works, which were incredible. very little like a giant sea n’t have quite the same Stephen K Amos. Cheesy may-ball-you-can-imagine dented supply shortage before The rumour (so says The anemone: more a kind of thrilling stage presence. Still, hypnotist. (Our tip: don’t get Gents, who will force even the sunset. The range and quality Times – how many student hyperactive octopus, this if they weren’t as universally hypnotised. You’ll find people stoniest-hearted Cantabrian of foodstuffs on offer – the events get reviewed in the riotous nine-piece (all right, relevant a proposition as the give you funny looks after- to accept that it’s pretty nice, said enormous pig, various sal- nationals?) was that they cost so the octopus would need an ideal May Ball Band ought to wards.) Good jazz tent. Fruity sometimes, being here. All ads, emu burgers (yes, emu £20,000, and the figure doesn’t extra tentacle) were perfect be, it’s not like there was a pimms. Beautifully decorated right, we didn’t queue: but burgers) and above all the seem outlandish: other than may ball entertainment, unre- dearth of alternative sources of Bridge of Sighs. Sweaty, heav- we’re sure, even if we had, that steak sandwiches - was really that, our firework-descriptive pentantly energetic in the entertainment – and those ing, drum and bass tent. it would still have seemed very superb. Then there were vocabulary is sadly lacking. same way the Scissor Sisters who stayed were pretty Terrible wedding disco tent, definitely worth it. First and Third Trinity Boat Club c c i i h h p p a a r r g g o o t t o o h h P P t t e e J J

Eve Williams point during their tenure. And it’s for gowns and suits, for a night of While the committee may senior members of the college a couple of classics just as people no wonder they do as this is a indulgence and true class. argue the champagne didn’t run linked to the ball accost a worker, wanted to get that little bit more Trinity has a certain obligation to night of decadence and extrav- However this decadence didn’t out, the glasses did. Workers screaming obscenities at him rowdy. Terri Walker also provided follow a particular formula when agence.There are times to indulge extend to all corners of the ball: looked harassed as they ran from while he headed back to his tent a great accompaniment towards it comes to putting on ‘the best and this night marks the start of seeing guests barge each other out one end of the table opening bot- carrying some alcohol he had the end of the night catering for a party in the world’: champagne, May Week in ultimate style. On of the way to get to the oysters, tles of champagne in one hand been asked by the committee to different crowd. oysters and hot air balloon rides the whole it’s slick and quality. watching workers and guests alike and collecting any remnants of move. Witnessing him being Highlights of the ball included all come pretty high on the agen- Their champagne is the finest at hunt around for clean glasses to clean flutes in the other. dragged to the security staff while the smoked salmon bagels, Get da. All these guarantees they tick any ball. Their food is the tastiest fill up champagne, and drinkers It was a ball of extremes. The he tried to explain in a lucid and Down tent and the man who the right box in style. (the Japanese in particular) and having to use their hands to pick fireworks were great. Though dif- level headed fashion was both could pop ping pong balls out of The night started off excellent- the ents are amongst the most out ice for their drinks from buck- ficult to do badly if you have a unreasonable and completely his mouth to a tune on some ly. The queuing for wrist bands sophisticated. It is a once in a life ets. budget as big as they do to light embarrassing to those who had whiskey bottles. Three things you went smoothly. The reception in time opportunity and the com- Such observations aren’t being up the sky. The food was tasty. been involved in organising this wouldn’t necessarily expect to see the Wren was as overwhelming as mittee do a remarkable job to made to draw attention to the Although hog roast ran out before massive occasion. And as students together in the same review or ever. And the truffles accompany- realise dreams and generally raucous behaviour of the guests. midnight. The surroundings were members of the committee even sentence. These were excel- ing the drinks were divine. exceed expectations. These were students who had exquisite. But it was at Trinity, the ignored the situation it just made lent touches, but such that were However things started feeling a However at points there fought hard to get their tickets to grandest of the colleges and the it all the more uncomfortable for achievable at any ball.Trinity need little more unfamiliar as the night seemed something slightly bizarre attend a world renowned ball in ball’s décor definitely didn’t do those involved. to start doing more if they want to went on. in the whole set up. There were world renowned surroundings. anything to push boundaries. On a more positive note the hang on to an ailing reputation of On arriving in Cambridge some apparent and absolute con- They intended, and had every The most surreal sight of the ents did an excellent job. The one of the best events in many students make it their mis- tradictions in the event. Guests right to sample the fare. night was one exclusive to Trinity Magic Numbers went down Cambridge. Even deserving the sion to get hold of an elusive pair shelled out over a hundred Unfortunately, it was felt often this year. Just as I collected a glass superbly with the crowd and right to compete as one of the big of Trinity Ball tickets at some pounds for tickets and even more they weren’t really able to. of champagne I saw one of the Electric Six managed to bring out two. 16 MAY WEEK June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk c i h p a r g o t o Magdalene h P t e Henry Bowen lamb main dish were widely report- J ed to be delicious. Cambridge is often considered to be Even when the meal had finished an inward-looking, self-absorbed and the dining tent spilled its con- bubble. In an institution this ancient tents out into the rest of the ball, the it is not entirely surprising that some expansive grounds absorbed them of the most ancient and arcane tra- easily without ever seeming full or ditions have been preserved for cen- busy. While this had the welcome turies. There are few more arcane result that there were no queues for traditions than the May Ball, but anything, the atmosphere remained even when it comes to these, there very relaxed and there was none of are different levels of progressive- the frenzied excitement which ness. While some committees relax charges some of the other balls. their dress codes and replace cham- Exploring the ball, the first pagne with alcopops, one ball res- impression was how well the space olutely refuses to give up its proud afforded by the College had been heritage. One of the only Balls to used. The expansive Fellow’s still insist on a White Tie dress code, Garden was unrecognisable as tents one of the only to serve champagne offering a range of food and enter- all night, and surely one of the only tainment delineated passages and to charge as much as £320 for a dou- paths, all lit up by strings of lanterns ble ticket; that ball is Magdalene. hanging in the trees. Colourful Uniquely, Magdalene Ball is pri- lighting of both the buildings and marily intended for dining guests, the gardens gave the college a slight- but a certain number of non-dining ly unreal quality, which only helped tickets were also available. In the to magnify the sense of occasion. eventuality, those who had chosen The drinks throughout were not to sample the delights of the excellent. After being welcomed Marco Pierre White designed menu with some delicious raspberry and grateful for having my face pressed so badly ventilated, and I didn’t meet added another layer of glamour and crowds moving right up to the end). were rewarded for their parsimony: lychee bellinis, any thirst was easily into a sweaty bloke’s armpit, but anyone who managed to last the exclusivity. In providing a very traditional technical problems in the dining slaked by a well-stocked bar in the sometimes a heaving throng of peo- entire set without having to go out- As the dawn broke, the guests and elegant evening, the Magdalene tent led the food to be delayed arches of the beautiful Pepys’ ple is just what you need to enthuse side to cool down. returned to the dining tent for a deli- May Ball was hugely successful.The beyond the point when the non- Library.Wine, port, cocktails and, of you with the energy to bounce hap- Away from the main College cious cooked breakfast. The eggs, food and drink were plentiful and diners arrived. Guests arriving at course, abdundant champagne, were pily around to a B-list indie band. buildings, guests were given wel- bacon, sausages and beans were all delicious, the entertainment accom- that time had the entire grounds to all on offer during the course of the Not that the Thrills disappointed come relief from the genteel atmos- very welcome and were a significant plished and varied, and the college themselves, happily enjoying deli- evening. with their set, which was an enjoy- phere by the dodgems. In one of the improvement on the bacon rolls grounds had been beautifully trans- cious emu burgers, wild boar The entertainments on offer were able mix of tunes I vaguely knew only places in the ball when there handed out in many other balls.The formed for the occasion. However, sausages and crepes while the diners of high quality, although the gener- and songs that sounded like the wasn’t enough to go around, previ- survivors photo, which was sched- the atmosphere was occasionally a put up with failing lights as they ally relaxed nature of the ball pre- songs I vaguely knew.It was a shame ously serene couples rushed from the uled for 6.30, was almost too late, little too quiet and subdued to be a waited for their dessert. But despite vented any of them generating a real that the main tent, impressively fringes after each round to fight over but not for lack of entertainment (a truly exciting ball. Perhaps I just this, the smoked salmon starter and buzz. I never thought I would be decked out with a starry ceiling, was the cars. A casino on a riverboat rock ‘n’ roll band was still getting the don’t appreciate ancient traditions. www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 MAY BALL REVIEWS 17 s p i l l i h P y c u

Trinity Hall L Chine Mbubaegbu & dresses, in what was more like Lucy Phillips an extended outdoor version of a night out at Cindies. One difference between Trinity Hall’s June Event was Cindies and Tit Hall’s event the perfect way to round off however was the brilliant live May Week frivolity. The acts. Under pressure to top event was helped by the fact the Bluetones headlining the that those who are lucky event last year, the committee enough to get tickets are also did not fail to provide with those who enjoy pure unadul- Mylo, who has been dubbed terated fun and dancing. “Scotland’s answer to It did not take long to be Royksopp,” performing this allowed entry into the event, year to a receptive audience of which was in stark compari- revellers. son to the long-queues that However, it must be said one would find when waiting that Cambridge’s own biggest to enter Trinity or John’s ball. band Sleepwalker stole the However, the queues for food night, performing a brilliant and drink inside the event set which got people dancing itself were diabolical, with in the sweltering heat that some having to wait up to an filled the live tent. It was a hour for a fajita or a burger. shame, however, that the Despite having a lot of variety Queen tribute band, Queen in sweet and savoury food – a B, who many of the event- BBQ, fajitas, pizzas, donuts, goers had been looking for- ice-creams, candy-floss – by ward to, ended up only per- the time you had queued for forming for half an hour after an hour to get a burger, join- having difficulties setting up. ing another queue to get a The little time that they did slice of pizza would have been have to perform, however, was more like punishment than good fun and the audience the roaring time that had really enjoyed dancing and been promised. The only singing along to some of thing that there wasn’t a Queen’s greatest hits. The queue for was water. boos that greeted the event Although it was a good idea organisers when they ordered to provide it. Queen B to stop and told the Tit Hall’s event however is revellers to go home, was only not about food, it’s about fun testament to the fact those and this it provided in abun- who had attended had not dance. The laid-back festival wanted it to end and were atmosphere of the event willing to push through the meant that ladies could dance fun-induced fatigue that about, sit on the grass and just every May Week socialite get sweaty without fear of experiences. ruining their expensive ball e i t s i r h C i m o

a King’s Affair N Jess Holland & gypsy blood,’) and the other wistful Rip’s unstoppable grime/dubstep 1. perhaps the most beautiful Ned Beauman (‘He must get so many girls…’) assault, ecstatic drumming in the assortment of hip young things As headliners we got much- courtyard from Shekere and the every assembled in one place, 2. hyped indie foursome the Cambridge Samba Band, and free drinks (shout out to the lack- Next time you’re trying to dance Departure (angular, black-clad, dancehall DJs Heatwave proving adaisical barman who pioneered the hippy-hippy-shake in high very sub-Joy Division), Brazilian yet again, as the sun came up, that the ‘self-service’ approach to spirit heels and a floor-length satin frock drum’n’bass hero DJ Marky (awe- ragga jungle is the best thing in the measures) 3. hide-and-seek with without spilling your champagne some,even though most of us were world. your friends among giant inflatable or getting oyster ooze in your hair, melting from the heat), and Andy We did hear complaints that mushrooms on the normally-out- ask yourself whether you wouldn’t Smith, who has somehow built a £50 is a bit much for the night of-bounds front lawn of a 550- be happier with ripped jeans and career on being mates with when, if you just want to dance to year-old Cambridge college. Both warm Carling, having messy fun Portishead, but whose crowd- drum’n’bass for seven hours, you of us enjoyed King’s a lot more that didn’t involve jazz piano, pleasing set of hip hop, soul, funk, could do that at the Junction for than we enjoyed Trinity: balls are queues or shallow compliments. and house could not be faulted. not much more than a tenner; but so over. You can pose if you like; Maybe you should have ditched Also worth mentioning were DJ then, at the Junction, you don’t get we’d rather dance. the white tie and bought a ticket to King’s. The atmosphere was buzzing and relaxed; it was fun you could actually feel and taste, rather than a continuous procession of photo ops, starched formalities, and posh role-playing. The theme this year was Alice in Wonderland: knaves of hearts distributed jam tarts, Mad Hatters poured tea (well, vodka and orange, because ‘proper tea is theft… Do you get it? I’m so mad, me!’) and bunny girls minced around tenuously. The front lawn was full of oversized games includ- ing Laser Quest and giant Connect Four, and the Hall housed cartoonists, manicures, haircuts, massages, and a chocolate fountain, as well as comedy acts and a roving magician who left one of us dazzled (‘I bet he has magic Lionel Parker Print Services Ltd offers a bespoke print broking consultancy service for all print requirements, saving clients both time and money. Clients benefit from my 35 years experience in the printing industry, and I can offer detailed knowledge and advice for all aspects of their print needs.

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BOOKED SOMEWHERE ELSE NOT EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT YET DONT LIKE @TRADITIONAL FORMAL PICTURES

7E TAKE STYLISH MODERN PORTRAITS IN CENTRAL LOCATIONS THAT BRING OUT YOUR PERSONALITY )F YOUVE BOOKED ELSEWHERE TRY US TOO AND COMPARE THE RESULTS )F YOU THINK GRADUATION PORTRAITS ARE A BIT CHEESY OR NOT FOR YOU TALK TO US AND SEE HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE (AVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS OR INDIVIDUALLY 6IEW YOUR PHOTOS ONLINE EMAIL THEM TO THE FOLKS AND CHOOSE TO ORDER WHENEVER SUITS YOU 7E WILL HAVE TOP QUALITY PRINTS SENT OUT TO YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE /##!3)/.!,0(/4/'2!0(9 "OOK AT WWWOCCASIONALPHOTOGRAPHYCOUK OR JUST TURN UP ON THE DAY 3UN  ˆ 4HE "ACKS BEHIND +INGS -ON  TO4UE  ˆ 4RINITY 7ED  ˆ *OHNS 4HUR  ˆ 4HE "ACKS OR PHONE    OR EMAIL HELP OCCASIONALPHOTOGRAPHYCOUK www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 MAY BALL REVIEWS 19 c i h p a r g o t o

Homerton h P t e Chine Mbubaegbu & J Lucy Phillips Britney Tribute “Pure Britney,” was a hit with the male members of the audi- Homerton College’s May Ball ence, despite her annoying was all about having fun, fake American accent. She’s reflecting the laid-back and rumoured to have actually easy-going character of the been Welsh. The female ball- members of the college itself. goers treated the performance It did not pretend to be more as a karaoke, and were Trinity or John’s, but excelled keen to show off their own at providing good food and vocal stylings by singing along entertainment, without com- to all of Britney’s hits. One of paring itself to its more the highlights of the perform- grandiose counterparts. ance, however, was a volunteer The college has a lot of who was chosen to accompany ground, and to its credit, the Britney on stage and nearly committee did not try to stole the show with his MC- utilise it to create a vast ing. expanse of Ball, but instead The amazing Renegade Big created an intimate event, Band also deserves a mention with all the main attractions for their original style of mix- centralised. Among these ing 20s and 30s big band style main attractions were Radio with contemporary hits, and One DJ Scott Mills, who pro- Motown and soul classics. vided a good set which got the The usual food favourites somewhat star-struck revellers were present, including the dancing and was reminiscent hog roast, burgers and always of a freshers’ week event at popular chocolate fountain, any other normal university. which lasted late into the Unfortunately, many missed night. Drink was in abun- out on seeing Cambridge’s dance and despite the long c i

own student talent, queues at the packed bar, ball- Britney impersonator for her h p

Sleepwalker, in the main tent goers did not have to wait “Slave 4 U” performance. a r g who were up against stiff long to sample the various Congratulations to Vicky o t o

competition with Mills’ set treats. Smolen and her dedicated and h P

being on at the same time. Other attractions con- hard-working committee for t e The band have been a tributing to the Arabian providing a fun-packed ball J favourite at May Balls and Nights theme included the which utilised the available ents for the past couple of magic carpet ride, a fun-fair resources excellently. It was an years and it was a shame that ride, the bucking camel, and extremely enjoyable night and many missed out on the snake charmer who roamed Homerton Ball should be rec- opportunity to see them per- around with her boa constric- ognized for future May Weeks form due to timetabling. tor which she later lent to the as a ball to be reckoned with. y y h h p p a a r r g g o o t t o o h h P

P Robinson l l a a n n o o i i s s

a Agata Belcen rehearsed and properly chore- a c c c c ographed their routines pro- O O Dodgems are a good way to vided a welcome sense of start any ball, here they were energy throughout the night. indicative of the pace and Cambridge band Blythe adrenalin that was to follow. Spirit were very popular in Not sure if Robinson was the main hall with their stylish or whether it held pre- fusion of popular jazz and tensions of being so, but it blues. The Medics Revue was fun. filled the auditorium within It didn’t convincingly pro- minutes, Bentley Rhythm Ace vide the international odyssey djed, were excellent but poor- that tit promised but it gave a ly attended and badly constant sacchirne overload of received. wacky rides, thumping music Much of they key to enjoy- and sugared treats. VK Blue ing the ball to its full poten- was the majority’s drink of tial was being in the right choice; a modest reminder place at the right time. We that the ball was less of an discovered the excitement of event and more of a party. A an extravagant cocktail bar party with endless barbecue (completely with flaring wait- suypplies for the blood ers) while dozens queued for thirsty, an international range warm beers in the busier of cuisine to match the theme areas. One unfortunate crash- and a much appreciated er was dragged through the chocolate fountain that left us ball screaming by misguided smiling but with the sorriest security guards putting a dry cleaning bill. The fire- dampener the atmosphere for works were brash but bold, many. beautiful but not as slick as Both the successes and fail- they might have been. ures of the evening resulted Themed entertainers running from the enormous ambition around like madick of the ball’s organisers. Often, umpalumepers in this red as with the steam omitting brick playground were a defi- model of ‘Fiona’, the chuw nite highlight, although it chuw train, this saw the sometimes seemed as if they theme’s potential realised. were having more fun than The key to many a May Ball anyone else at the ball. well shown here at Robinson Effectively costumed, well is for your glass to be half full.

20 BOX ADS June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

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22 THEATRE June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk i m a h a r b A

Very Midsummer m a d Madness A James Knight on May Week theatre

utting on a May Week play Wardrobe at Emmanuel. "Come amateurishness of child actors, is one of the most foolish to the domestic setting," was the but this production accomplish- Pendeavours imaginable. more prosaic invitation which es a similar feat by lending the Rehearsal time is restricted by alcohol-fuelled lackadaisical tra- exams, the spectre of the hang- The kind of dition of the May Week play a over casts its shadow across all inconsequential rigorous professional vision. Of aspects of the production, and course, this conflict of attitudes there is little chance of plays diversion which runs the risk of producing being remembered as anything the decadence of results as messy as a splurge- more than a surreal interlude in a gun shoot-out, but the ending is week of drunken haze. And yet May Week a happy one here. the tradition of classic plays per- demands The epitome of May Week formed in places they shouldn’t drama, however, lies in produc- be by people in no fit state to per- returned the audience to the first tions like Twelfth Night in the form them continues, and aspira- stage for the close of the play. Just idyllic setting of Peterhouse tion triumphs over reason time as the production could never Deer Park. The acting may be and time again. Aside from the hope to transport its audience distinctly hammy, the set no May Week staple of truncated from the eternal sunshine of more than a bench, and sub- Shakespeare in gardens which Emma gardens to the land of plots full of colourful trousers thrives in the form of A “always winter, never are given precedence over Midsummer Night’s Dream at Christmas”, so too could it Shakespeare’s main plot, but the Clare, Much Ado about Nothing at thankfully not evade its frequent- production provides exactly the Queens’, and the eye-catching ly tongue-in-cheek status as an kind of inconsequential diver- Naked Hamlet at Christ’s, there absurd entertainment. sion which the decadence of are some more imaginative pro- An alternative to the straw- May Week demands. Feste’s ductions on offer. berries of the garden plays is the assertion that "the rain, it "Come to Narnia!" was the liberal splash of whipped cream raineth every day", reminds us instruction that ushered audience provided by Bugsy Malone at The only that we are perfectly happy members to the second of four Union. The trick of the film was provided it doesn’t rain on us. stages in an ambitious produc- to present the hard-nosed world Foolish these plays may be, but Bugsy Malone at the Cambridge Union tion of The Lion, the Witch, & the of gangsters through the joyful the fool is wisest here. The fun of the fair Sex in the Union Sophie Middlemiss as much an event as a play, a The production also allows its day made by the crowd and the audience to celebrate Sarah Brocklehurst on Bugsy fter the exam-term atmosphere as well as by the Cambridge’s acting talent, tyranny of the brain, production. Still, the event boasting a stellar cast includ- mbition, rivalry, and chamber into an intimate Jazz voice, who nonetheless dis- AMay Week is the hinges on the one-off oppor- ing Ben Deery, Holly showbusiness with a Hall: Fat Sam’s Grand Slam plays the fragility induced by moment for the body to take tunity to catch the production, Strickland and Adam Welch, Atouch of glamour, in the Speakeasy. The forestage is age and drunkenness. its revenge. Brain cells assidu- its playfulness accentuated on top comic form, enjoying Union: Bugsy Malone is an lined with fairy lights. The cos- As Bugsy, Megan Prosser ously cultivated are deliberate- through the freshness of a sin- themselves as thoroughly as intimate, adult and sexy take on tumes employ a contrast confidently drives the pro- ly and deliciously destroyed. gle performance, its brash their audience. an old classic. between black and white suits duction, and wins the trust Dancing, drinking, sunning exhibitionism reflected in The May Week setting of Bugsy Malone, set in down- and braces, with flamboyant and attention of her audience. our way through a week of patches of colour in costume this classic piece highlights town New York in the middle pink flapper dresses, feathers Her ‘New Yoik’ accent is hedonism, we vigorously and set. Bartholomew Fair cen- the parallels between the car- of the prohibition era, follows and pearls to evoke the glamour practically faultless, and she is reassert the pleasures of the tres on the grotesquely nival moment enjoyed by the the rivalry between two gangs of the jazz age. very convincing as a charm- flesh. Jonson’s Bartholomew enlarged spectre of flesh in a ‘low-life’ of 17th century of mobsters. Fat Sam, who runs ing, sensitive yet smooth Fair, which forms the centre- state of indulgence. The beau- London and the high life we, one of the most popular bullets are young man. As the rivals, Fat piece of a full day of themed tifully crafted, lurid puppets too, enjoy yearly, fleetingly, speakeasies in town, is in dan- Sam and Dandy Dan respec- festivity in Robinson gardens, who take centre stage in the and to excess; a moment ger of being closed down by his replaced by silly tively, Matt Bethell’s deep, pays fitting May Week hom- play’s finale vividly ape the when, whether at Smithfield ‘business rival’ Dandy Dan. string and foam husky voice allows for comic age to these temporal pleas- vice of the human characters. Market or on Trinity backs, Rivalry is spared violence, since contrast with Osh Jones’ neu- ures, remembering and recre- The production fires off sensual fulfillment is glorified bullets are replaced by silly However, this glamour is rotic expression, directing his ating an early modern London veritable volleys of celebratory and permitted. These string and foam, and the audi- sensitively directed at an speech obsessively to a rose, festival when custom and party poppers: 150 years since moments of release remain as ence becomes aware of the adult audience. Tallullah, por- and moving in an eccentric restraint were cast aside in the last Bartholomew Fair was essential today as 400 years importance of dreams, friend- trayed by Ellie Spyrides - “if I yet sleek manner. favour of carnival carnality. held at Smithfields, 100 years ago; and the full Bartholomew ship and the fragility of success. didn’t look this good, you A very enjoyable well- Co-director Alex Outhwaite of the Marlowe Society, a final Fair experience as presented An array of strewn undergar- wouldn’t even give me the paced production: cool, sexy, stresses that the Marlowe flourish for the Swarbrick- by the Marlowe Society offers ments, fabrics and bedsheets time of day” - is a sultry pri- dark, and fun. Society’s Bartholomew Fair is Outhwaite directorial duo. the ideal incentive to indulge. transform the Union’s debating madonna with a powerful In the glare of the Footlights Mic Wright Beneath a glowing moon This is a show created by an or abrupt interjections. this is a strong proposition, cheeky and unique perform- unfolds the story of a man rico- extremely talented team,crackling The most important problem ready and able to face the ances and Lisa Owens exudes aked and proud, Under cheting between the dream with electricity and energy. Yet, is the narrative that has lost rigours of touring and the confidence and comic timing. the Blue, Blue Moon world imposed by a lightning understandably, it is by no means some meaning in translation. stresses of the festival. Simon Max Bennett, charged with the Nrevealed itself to the induced coma and the more con- the finished article, nor without Without a helpful hint by the Bird is especially good, most hardest task - to play the foil - world like a family friend turned crete, yet still bizarre, day to day some rather troublesome faults. producer about the play's con- notably in the monologue that does so with stunning ease. flasher: familiar and yet truly dis- existence. It is a show filled with As has often been the case in ceit of switching between a opens the second act a, whilst After a metaphorical shower turbing. It elicited an uncertain curious conceits, where radio Footlights smokers, there are a dream world and remembered Nadia Kamil shows a versatili- and shave in Edinburgh, Under response that veered violently producers and presenters find number of sketches that seem to reality the story would have ty that other actors would pay The Blue, Blue Moon will return between laughter and embarrass- themselves stuck in pipes and be unfinished or lacking in polish, remained unclear. to understand. Dan Mansell metamorphosed from the sham- ment, lucidity and confusion. dreams are knots in string. tumbling into desperate endings Despite these reservations, turns in a set of refreshingly bling flasher to a comic Adonis.

www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 THEATRE 23

IT’S PLAY The magical world of Narnia TIME d r

Charlotte Newman White Witch was perhaps the o Don’t miss the highlights f l

star of the show. Adorned in a of Cambridge theatre hit- floaty white chiffon, she was at W ting the Edinburgh n e

May Week provides the per- once commanding and intimi- g fringe... o

fect opportunity for sunny dating; shaping her arms into m outdoor productions. The balletic gesticulations that were I Lion, the Witch and the reminiscent of archaic dramatic Wardrobe is perhaps the one conventions. story that would seem to The audience, initially seated require complex indoor set under the low-hanging branch- design to recreate the wintry es of the trees in the Emmanuel atmosphere of Narnia. REDS gardens, were not allowed to transcends this problem by remain there for long; as Lucy making the setting the focal discovered Narnia, the audience THE THREEPENNY point of the performance. were ushered in with her, step- OPERA C.S. Lewis's much-loved ping across the stage to the C Too - 10.30pm story centres around four chil- other side of the set. Actors 4-29th August dren who find themselves stepped in and out of the sur- transported from the realitites rounding trees and moved Boasting scantily clad chair of war-time England when freely among the audience. This dancers, luscious lingerie they stumble into the magical absorption of the audience into and great tunes world of Narnia: here, under the actual setting was one of the the rule of the White Witch, most effective elements to the the land must always lie production. HEDWIG AND THE gripped in a permanent winter. Director Mathilda Imlah ANGRY INCH To restore freedom to Narnia, depicted the slaying of Aslan as 10.25pm. 5-27th August the four children must defeat being sacrificial and ceremonial; Greenside Church, Venue the White Witch, and restore the ommission of a symbolic 231 the noble lion Aslan as King. resurrection did serve to While outdoor productions occlude the religious allegory of After its sell-out success in often compromise convincing the original story. However, she Cambridge, this energised acting in favour of voice projec- produced an energetic, imagi- and eclectic musical is set tion, the actors were not hin- native production that married to take the fringe by storm. dered at all. The four children perfectly the action of the play were conveyed without precious- with an arboreous backdrop, ness, and Tom Secretan was a resulting in an engaging, and ASTRAKHAN regal yet benevolent Aslan: a per- above all enjoyable way to WINTER fect realisation of the original spend an afternoon in May 3pm, August 3-29th character. Martha Spurrier as the Week. C+3 Electric world premiere by award-winning play- wright. This adrenaline- Summer wine in new bottles fuelled political fable pres- ents characters resurrecting the past, evicted by the A Midsummer Night’s Dream The decision to attire the lovers, Much Ado About Nothing present and unable to find fairies and mechanicals in tradi- Preview by Miriam Gillinson a future. Preview by Becky Seales tional May Ball dress is intriguing Clare Fellows’ Garden, 22-25 June and encourages a sense of opu- Queens’,22-25 June lence, but rather negates the sense ‘I have no doubt but to hear to Ros Gater’s excellently aloof of the fairies’ eldritch otherness; Everyone knows that most production is not carried by them say it was a pleasant com- yet sympathetic Titania/ the comic grotesquery of Titania’s May Week plays are awful. If pretty scenery and pretty actors edy’: boasting a lively cast be- Hippolyta. interaction with the asinine the actor even manages to turn alone. Not all of the actors are swathed in evening-wear, a The stunning and relaxed nat- Bottom, for example, is less strik- up, the poor bastard’s almost just pretty. Beatrice and champagne bar, an unexpected uralistic setting of Clare Gardens ing if the polarisation of their certain to forget his lines. Benedick both make the most nod to Gina G and a bit with a is an ideal location in which to appearances and degree is not ren- Time, resources and energy all of their roles, and their quick dog, Simon Evans’ production present the pastoral environs of dered overt. ‘These shadows’ cer- combine to make these plays a fire interchanges are a joy to SOME EXPLICIT of A Midsummer Night’s Dream Athens, and the talented cast tainly didn’t offend me. behold. There is something POLAROIDS certainly possesses key ingredi- fully exploit this, incorporating Deliberately devoid of changeling A trance tent is about this love affair that res- 2.15pm, 4th-9th August ents for the fulfilment of this trees, lily-ponds, bush and briar boys and other sobering or non- onates with Cambridge stu- Caves 3, Smirnoff prophecy. Aware that the into performance. Puck and his P.C. undertones, this is an unde- now the garden of dents: their relationship thrives Underbelly Dream cometh annually with as fairy companions escort the audi- manding and ebullient May Week a country mansion on witty banter, but beyond much inevitability as May ence through the gardens to production which ends charming- that it all gets a bit dicey. To ‘Every day I wake up and I Week itself, Evans has reflect the play’s action, showing ly in audience participation. Go, near no-go zone. None of this watch Beatrice and Benedick say, ‘Another f***ing day’’. approached his project armed us ‘where the wild thyme grows’ relax, delight in gorgeous matters however, as long as fall in love is to watch two with a drive to vitalise it which or emphasising the perplexed escapism; you’re drinking cham- there is a sense of fun behind Cambridge students fall in VOLPONE is evident in the play as a whole, lovers’ emotional and locational pagne among the fairies. As the production. Allegra Galvin, love, which is always appealing. 5.20pm, 4th-29th August and notably so in his own per- mistakings through the constant Shakespeare himself put it, ‘a mer- the director of Shakespeare’s Caves 1, Smirnoff formance of Oberon/Theseus scene-shifting. rier hour was never wasted here…’ comedy Much Ado about This production is Underbelly Nothing, is well aware of this. not carried by n i e Their poster gives an indication The temptation of the t s pretty scenery and n of the production’s ethos: slick, devil lures all. e z i attractive and cheeky. At no pretty actors alone e

R point does this production take THRILLSEEKING n e itself too seriously, which is just Though the two principals 9pm, 4th-29th August B what the wandering, hung-over are the obvious foundation of C Venues, Central Studio masses are after. this production, it is the comic 2 The cloister arcades provide touches that hold the piece a unique backdrop, though together. The casting is diverse, Fun, death, sex, drugs, those who went to Queens’ Ball with actors that regularly fea- infatuation... might find it hard to accept ture in ‘straight’ Cambridge that what was once a trance plays, as well as a number of WOMEN OF TRACHIS tent, is now the garden of a Footlight comedians. It’s a mix 7-29th August country mansion. As the May that almost gives this produc- C Venues, +1 Theatre Ball programme tells us, this tion the feel of a Cambridge cloister walk provides ‘the most Smoker. Allegra has successful- Sophocles reworked, this cheerful and perhaps the most ly silenced the drunken heck- promises to be an inventive loveable of all Cambridge lers with her production, and new take on an age-old courts.’ A little biased might even make some of them text. methinks, but not far off. This think a bit about love.

24 MUSIC June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk s p i l l i h P y c u

Destroying rock ’n’ roll? L Fred Rush gets to grips with electro rocker Mylo wo years ago Myles as you have a decent computer ences he cites on his album, dance music?’ should be McInnes was a bedroom and a couple of pieces of including ‘italo-disco, Les answered positively: ‘Dance Tproducer on the Isle of essential software, the only Rhythmes Digitales, Metro music will prevail.’ Skye. He had finished his meaningful restrictions on the Area, Daft Punk, Mylo’s modest nature and degree in Oxford, left his PhD music you can make are the Soulwax/2manyDJs, Royksopp, genuine love for music of all at UCLA, and immersed him- limits of your imagination. The Avalanches.’ The humour sorts, make him a refreshing self in a musical wonderland. God that sounds terrible.’ immediately returns when trendsetter amongst his genre- Armed only with his trusty Such self-effacement is con- asked about the reverence his obsessed chart-topping coun- iMac and the most basic of pro- sistent with the down-to-earth own work has inspired, though, terparts. While his work is not duction software, Myles pro- advice he gives to the aspiring and his response to a mention of revolutionary, and his ceeded to calmly knock off one producer, encouraging ‘stick at the praise heaped upon him by favourite artists prove the of the best albums of 2004. it, and don’t waste your time Elton John, ‘I feel very pleased. heredity of his style, his work Now this lad from Skye is and money shopping for things I met him and he’s a lovely has the unusual characteristic one of the biggest acts around, you don’t need’. Indeed, the fri- man,’ treads a fine line between of being easily accessible, yet having transformed Destroy volity of his ubiquitous market- sarcasm and sincerity which credible, popular but not pop. Rock & Roll into a live act. I ing comes under fire as he jokes cannot be firmly pinned down He has proved that the bed- caught Mylo the day before he ‘It made sense to call the album in an email interview. room producer and amateur went on stage to play to a sell- Destroy Rock & Roll as the track Regarding the oft-repeated musician can still make it big out crowd at the Junction, to felt to me like a calling card for label ‘the saviour of dance with the simplest of equipment, learn more about bedroom pro- the record as a whole; and we music’, Mylo’s response is much and the most imaginative of ducing, the contemporary thought it would be nice to clearer: ‘I’ve always maintained minds. Mylo’s music is not a dance scene and being the sav- generate some vacuous contro- that that was a sarcastic quote passing fancy, it has a solid and iour of dance music. versy for marketing purposes - that got lost in translation classic, yet comedic, modernity He is reassuringly pragmatic our focus group told us it was somehow. In any case I wouldn’t that appeals to many. about his choice of studio (his what they wanted!’ feel that good about mouthing bedroom), listing the advan- This provides a striking con- off about why I think my We have three limited edition 7” tages as being ‘cheap’ and trast with the seriousness with album’s so great.’ Equally clear promos of Mylo’s new album In My ‘there are no time constraints’. which he treats the contempo- is his certainty that the Arms to give away. To enter the ‘At the risk of sounding like a rary dance music scene, demon- inescapable question, ‘What do draw, email [email protected] motivational speaker ... as long strated in the long list of influ- you think the future holds for Mylo: from bedroom producer to ‘saviour of dance music’

At The Drive-In ‘Non-Zero Possibility’ conjur- Anthology ing up some rather disturbing ...And it was a crappy gig Review by Mark Witkin images with the lyric “I was bitten on the entrance”. e

but there was no hint of the n Big hair, crazy song titles: two The B-sides and rarities that

...Trail of Dead a anarchic spirit that elevates e pithy epithets to describe hard- follow are something of a K

The Junction, 19 June e

“…Trail of the Dead” from t core five-piece At The Drive- mixed bag. ‘Initiation’ is a pas- t o Review by Charlotte Keane mediocre live act to bril- l In, whose path is charted in this sionate, raw punk track, while r a

liance. The crowd picked up h collection from their albums, the vocals on their cover of The

It seems that “And You Will on this and was unmoved by C EPs, B-sides and rarities. Smiths’ ‘This Night Has Know Us by the Trail of Dead” the blistering wall of sound Opener ‘Fahrenheit’ signals Opened My Eyes’, show that have finally given in to their that was hurled at them. the band’s intentions right ATD-I are much better at own self-consciously preten- There was little enthusiasm from the start - jagged riffs schizophrenic rock than trying tious hype. The four piece and none of the frantic crush and lead singer Cedric Bixler’s to sound like Morissey. from Austin, Texas arrive on that usually accompanies aggressive vocal gymnastics. Instead of spending the last stage late, ignore the crowd their gigs. Even the tendency ‘Lopsided’ and ‘Napoleon of your student loan on the and perform at the Junction for the band to abuse and And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead: disappointing Solo’ show how well ATD-I spaced-out prog noodling of with a woefully inadequate destroy their equipment blend aggression with melody, the two Mars Volta albums, go sound system which fails to seemed forced; Reece hurled album Worlds Apart. This is a get the crowd moving. and explain why pretty much and buy this instead. allow vocalist Conrad Keeley a cymbal to the ground only mistake, even if they do have an Thankfully they did bring in all of the post- any subtlety in delivery or in for a roadie to scurry out, pick album to promote, as the tracks older songs such as “Homage” hardcore/extremo bands out some cases to be heard at all. it up and replace it – all under cannot match in intensity any- from Source Tags…, one of the there at the moment count The energy that usually direction from Reece himself. thing from Source Tags and Codes. band’s best efforts. them as a major influence. pervades their performances Beginning with “Ode to Isis” Reece’s “Caterwaul” does In short it was a very poor gig The three tracks from was missing. Superficially it they played a set that was equal- come close and was performed by any standards but especially ‘Relationship of Command’, was there, Keeley and Reece ly uninspired, the majority of the well by the band; it was one of for a band who can produce made with uber-producer bounded around the stage, tracks coming from their new the few tracks that manages to utterly sublime performances. Ross Robinson, show the band at their commercial

e peak. ‘One Armed Scissor’ g n

i conveys a real intensity and d o

o emotional catharsis, while G

others are just plain strange - a r

Ben Folds live a S Sons & Daughters enough for anyone to get lost in Ben Folds ing, an amalgamation of the – the noisy crescendos of Corn Exchange, 16 June new sound from the new album, The Repulsion Box ‘Choked’ being a case in point. Review by Lloyd Beecham with a vast array of material Review by Jon Swaine But perhaps most important- from the first three album ly, the live spectacle of Adele Ben Folds’ recent tour promot- releases of Ben Folds Five. After the fifth or so listen, the Bethel and Scott Paterson’s ing the release of his eighth A large portion of his set surprise suddenly becomes a brooding vocal spats has made album, Songs for Silverman, was was performed solo – just him very pleasant one. Glasgow it on to record unharmed, bound to be crawling with and his piano. The beautiful quartet Sons and Daughters sounding as brutally awkward experience, talent and the and haunting sound of ‘Brick’, have followed the success of as on stage in ‘Rama Lama’. knowledge of how exactly to written about his girlfriend last year’s fantastic Love the This is a timely splash of life play a crowd. Having cancelled and her abortion still sends Cup mini-album and this onto a musical year whose first the previous date at the Corn shivers down the spine. year’s indie disco classic half has been as arid as a rub- Exchange, the long-awaited Favourites from ‘Philosophy’ ‘Dance Me In’ with some- bish analogy about a desert. return of the piano-magician to to ‘Rockin’ the Suburbs’ and Folds: takes a moment away from his band to perform solo thing…well, weirder. Cambridge and indeed this his recent release ‘Landed’ It’s good, and may yet prove country created a buzz that showed exactly how much he songs. Splitting the audience in leaves you with your mouth to be a move even shrewder could not be ignored. feels his past has shaped his two, to perform the brass parts open wondering exactly how than presently we are able to Folds was not drawn into current musical direction. in ‘Army’, brought a real sense he just did that. With a bassist see. Whilst the final whimpers playing his new songs from the Along with his talent for of involvement - as if this man and percussionist who both of a two-dimensional garage album with an encore of old emotional and poignant ballads, could do this for you all day and sing and play along with Folds, rock death knell are sounded at favourites. He treated the sell his social commentary and his never get tired. the return to the original for- The Subways, 22-20s et al, this out crowd to something that can ever-present satirical voice jux- Ben Folds is an incredibly mat of Ben Folds Five is a has whispered corners and sud- only be described as breathtak- tapose with the more moving talented performer and often winning formula. den, skiffle-happy tangents www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 MUSIC 25 Fun in the sun at home and abroad Jess Holland tries Strawberry Fair...... while Jonny Ensall samples Sonar y

o exams weren’t quite over, events of the periphery. The dren dressed as fairies, and the onar’ is the Barcelona h p a

and the optimistic wear- ‘Pondsbury Benevolent Ladies’ entire Cambridge police force festival of ‘Advanced r g

ing of sunglasses and Society for the Woefully turning a blind eye at the Music’. Over its three o t S ‘S o knee-length shorts bought us Inadequate’ stall out-weirded amount of recreational chemi- days, from 16th to 18th June, h P little sunshine from whichever last year’s ‘Apathy-a-thon’ with cals changing hands. Sonar 2005 showcased the l i c pagan gods presided over the two women decked out in Was it all a dream, one might most up-to-date beats, bleeps, n u festival. But Strawberry Fair impeccable Thelma and ask a day later, slumped over a squeaks and visuals that elec- o C s

injected a direly-needed shot of Louise, sipping cocktails osten- pile of books with hazy memo- tronic music has to offer. s e the unexpected into a term tatiously and holding a fake ries of fluffy pink-winged crea- The Sonar difference is r P characterised mostly by flicking raffle for those less fortunate, tures dancing in a parade and immediately obvious. ‘Sonar compulsively to the ends of while Cambridge Community canisters of laughing gas being by Day’ (the part of the festi- articles to see how many pages Circus’ knife-juggling, acrobal- inhaled interweaving with val held at the Barcelona left until the next tea break, or ance and trapeze artistry dreams of being eaten by Museum of Contemporary snort of crushed amphetamine fuelled the dreams of many Metaphysics texts. [Ed. – there Art), showcases obscure and snorted through a rolled-up UL (okay, me) to abandon acade- were no flesh-eating sentient bizarre acts from the under- reservation-slip. mia for the travelling life of the books at Strawberry Fair. All ground electronic music If you were in town on performing artiste. Other soul- other events are factual.] Or scenes of every country from Saturday 4th you would have boosting sights included a was it a taste of festivals to come the Faroe Islands to Japan. seen a constant stream of hip- group of banjo-players in stripy over the long hot summer? Brazilian act Artificial played pies and music-lovers drawn sombreros having an earnest Book your tickets to Homefires a set using a Game Boy con- towards the bass-line thump chat, a load of too-cute chil- now and hope for the latter. sole as his only musical instru- and marijuana fug emanating ment, while English sound Murphy: a yawnsome live act? d

from Midsummer Common. n wizard Matthew Herbert and party music, a saturation Mills had been playing for two a l

The reggae and acoustic tents l made music from the sampled notable in Yoda’s set, which hours beforehand. o

were, as usual, crammed full of H sounds of eggs being broken suffered from a lack of energy Perhaps the biggest victim, a life-affirming sounds, while the c into a bowl. due to over-planning. though, was James Murphy. I i s s

East Stage reeled at the storm- e However, the big names of In contrast, 2 Many DJs think he is a genius. However, ing sets of (amongst others) J the festival didn’t come out managed to be slick and sur- when Murphy had his turn on local almost-famous pop-punk- until after dark when 40,000 prising. In a mostly electronic the decks he was rubbish, just heroes Right Turn Clyde and or so of the festival-goers set, they cleverly dropped rubbish and LCD Life 4 Land, the Cambridge transferred from the city cen- ‘Rock the Casbah’, ‘Teenage Soundsystem’s live act made a collective renowned for leg- tre to ‘Sonar by Night’, held in Kicks’’ and that mess of a lot of great songs. endary open-air parties. a huge warehouse venue on Whomadewho cover of He is the man behind The But, as with Glastonbury, the the edge of the city. ‘Satisfaction’ much to the Rapture, LCD Soundsystem real gems are never to be found 2 Many DJs’ ‘As Heard on appreciation of the crowd and the DFA record label, but in the headline sets but in the Radio Soulwax’ and DJ Yoda’s who, at 5 in the morning, the disparity between his spontaneous and unannounced ‘How to Cut and Paste’ series needed some relief from the recorded and live output is as Strawberry Fair: opening parade have become ubiquitous bar ear-bleed techno that Jeff antithetical as Day and Night.

www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 LITERATURE 27

A villanelle

So splinters of home inspire A creative wake-up call devotion? Tramping primrose paths, wills alchemic sight, Alice Gillham explores a poetry workshop with a refreshing outlook not conjuring but a folding motion. n

a ourselves freely” at some junc- “True ease in writing comes not a creative writing work- Crunching gravel under v e

B ture of our otherwise slavish from art, not chance,/ As shop as such; rather the club foot, commotion e

t conveyance though the those move easiest who have offers a chance to hone one’s of feet flash pleasure as pro- t o l

r sausage factory of education learned to dance”. Each week craft in a friendly and (albeit jected light: a

h and life. Yet, this term and a form is chosen, such as son- temporarily) summery so, splinters of home inspire C next, a series of enterprising net, triolet etc, and break- atmostphere to amateurs, devotion? literary projects aim to fasters are required to write a ascendent laureates and crois- encourage students of any poem accordingly, whilst in sant enthusiasts alike. For From papier-mâché and interest in the business of turn engaging with the week’s more information about the polymerisation poetic “expression” to explore chosen subject. The group’s breakfasts, or to be added to a Triffid is born, even paint- the meaning of composition first meeting concentrated on the reserve list, email ed root-blight. itself, and kindle the latent the villanelle, a notably diffi- [email protected]. Not conjuring but a folding poetic impulse that lurks cult form of three-line stanzas motion. behind the bombast of the (an example of which is Tom If this intellectual petit Cambridge literary “scene”. Durno’s piece, right). dejeuner leaves you with an Once stalks now one sub- One of these is a writing appetite for all things poetic, lime cohesion. club, begun this summer term Neither an oppor- the Cambridge Poetry So static screen memories, with the apt and refreshing tunity for pompous Summit, running at green birthright, conceit that poetry might pro- posturing nor a Emmanuel College from June so splinters of home inspire vide weary exam-taker with a 24th to 26th, promises a veri- devotion good wake-up call; that’s forum for table feast of creative talent. right, Pierian is a breakfast poetry-as-therapy Budding wordsmiths, enthusi- until sheets curl. Studio club, meeting once a week in astic readers, hell, anyone invention full term and run by Michael Typically abstract questions interested in the state of mod- crisped petals live in collec- Hurley of Pembroke College. – such as whether it is possible ern creativity should avail tion books bright, The club derives its name to write a serious poem in the themselves of this great not conjuring but a folding from the spring beloved of the limerick form – will be con- opportunity to hear some con- motion. Muses in classical mythology, sidered from the experience of temporary poets reflecting on and also recalls Alexander the workshop. Fear not, ye medium and method. This Pacing out flint rigs to lever Pope’s chastening couplet: “A cautious enthusiasts; the ses- international festival of poetry open little learning is a dangerous sions are for people who care boasts an exciting line-up thus composted chambers’ thing;/ Drink deep, or taste about poetry and should like far including some 26 poets mechanical light. ules. Oh, to dispense all prescribed norms, to not the Pierian spring”. to learn more about how great from France, Poland and the So, splinters of home with them entirely! So (cough) “duck” the system. Neither an opportunity for work is made possible at a nuts US, as well as such home- inspire devotion, Rcries the erstwhile artist Sound familiar? I suspect that pompous posturing nor a and bolts level. There is no grown talents as Brian Catling not conjuring but a folding of the modern age. To refute we all, eager buds that we are, forum for poetry-as-therapy, expectation at all that break- and Adrian Clarke. Those motion. the strictures of tradition, to have attempted to master our Pierian’s ethos is best fasters be accomplished, or interested can find details at express oneself in defiance of own “freedom”, to “express expressed, again, by Pope; even aspiring poets, since it is www.cambridgepoetry.org. Tom Durno Litt, language and learning Toby Litt discusses his ghostly new book with Elly Shepherd r e

oby Litt has a subtle that something with that much few people are capable of read- u a

presence. He doesn’t nervous energy would be ing it. Yet I think it is more B y

talk much and he does- killingly exhausting to live with challenging for writers than r r e

T J n’t talk often, but when he for too long. A novel’s pulse is Ulysses. Everyone has learnt the does, it’s always worth listen- much steadier. lessons of Ulysses; Finnegans ing. He was born in 1968, and Wake remains unassimilated. studied at Oxford and on the What do you hate most and UEA famed creative writing love most about ‘literature’ at You have some Czech and MA under Malcolm Bradbury. the moment? French translations on your He was one of Granta’s twenty website, www.tobylitt.com, best young British novelists of About the idea of ‘literature’ how did you find translation? 2003. it’s probably the difficulty – the His books are, without excep- difficulty of it is what I hate and For the Czech poems I was tion, incredible, and they are love the most. I don’t know how working in collaboration with also very diverse. All they really many times I have to realise Tomas Mika, who is now quite have in common is that they ‘There are no short cuts’, but I well known on the Prague stay with you long after you’ve average about five times a day at scene as a poet. This was back finished them, and that you are the moment. You can’t cheat it; in 1993. I was writing a lot of completely enthralled whilst it deserves total respect. poetry, and was really interest- reading; they are so different About the ‘literature’ that’s ed in what I could learn from that he manages to reinvent being published. Well, we Czech poets, and from the himself and his writing with don’t know which bits will end Czech language. It’s a good every new publication. He has up being counted as literature. lesson to realise that other lan- now written seven books: five Enough to say, it won’t be any- guages sometimes find much novels and two collections of thing that’s taken short cuts. better solutions to problems of short stories. Varsity caught up accurate expression than with him in London. Do you have a favourite English does. writer? - If so, who and why? through language. And don’t rator. Agatha’s voice comes Do you have a favourite of the What advice would you give rely on word-processing. In the through that – polluting it, books you’ve written? What’s the difference I usually say Henry James to student writers? long run, going to the diction- colouring it. I think Teach between writing short stories but, for a change, I’ll push ary will serve you much better Yourself Writing manuals tend Ghost Story. and writing novels for you? James Joyce into first place. Don’t think of yourself as a than spellcheck. to break things up into differ- And not for Ulysses but for student writer, or even as a ent technical areas. But when For more information, visit the They have a different rhythm Finnegans Wake – which I know young writer. Write as much as How do you work with char- I’m writing, everything affects Toby Litt’s website at to them – a different pulse. will come across as pretentious, you can, in as many different acter voices (for example everything else. The narrative www.tobylitt.com That’s how I tell them apart, but it is an astonishing book. In styles as you can. Worry less Agatha in Ghost Story)? tone affects the form affects initially. The pulse of a short worldly terms, it’s a failure. about finding a ‘voice’ than the scene that will happen Ghost Story is now available story is very rapid. You know Hardly anyone reads it. Very about seeing the world clearly, Well, Ghost Story has a nar- affects the vocabulary. in paperback from Penguin.

28 FILM June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Corruption and sin: a tale of two cities Laura Whittle explores the darker reaches of this week’s releases t e n Batman Begins that a human could do the feats that is, up until the moment when e g

a that Batman does. At the start of he becomes batman. For here, m

I The fifth Batman film strongly the film we see an imprisoned paradoxically, lies the real problem deviates from the surreal and fan- Wayne take on and beat six other with Batman Begins. In attempt- tastical template adhered to by its convicts, thus demonstrating a ing to portray Wayne as a realistic predecessors, the films that natural physical strength. character, the unlikelihood of his Batman Begins prequels. Those The scenes depicting the phys- decision to dress up as a bat not seeking cartoon violence and only becomes all the more appar- superpowers need look elsewhere. Gotham City bears ent, it starts to matter. Viewed Batman Begins, directed by relation to Sin from this perspective, an engaging Christopher Nolan and starring a character study suddenly takes a perfectly cast Christian Bale, City...danger decidedly weird turn. As Bruce charts Bruce Wayne’s childhood exudes from every Wayne says at a dinner party, “A in an attempt to make the cre- guy who dresses up like a bat ation of his alter-ego, baman, if dark alleyway clearly has issues.” Well yes, he not realistic then at least plausible. ical training that Wayne later certainly does. However, Batman Nolan’s Gotham City bears rela- undergoes are similar in style to Begins is undeniably an enjoyable tion to Sin City: It is constantly those in Kill Bill Volume 2: we see cinema experience, and the acting raining, the city is home to a par- an essentially human character is of a high standard throughout. ticularly powerful criminal under- undergoing intensive and physi- Morgan Freeman and Michael world, and danger exudes from cally excruciating training in order Caine provide particularly strong every dark alleyway. This is a seri- to attain an almost, but not quite, support to Christian Bale. Dark, ous film about a man who dresses supernatural level of strength and escapist and at times genuinely up as a bat in order to fight crime, agility. affecting, Batman Begins’ only and it almost works. Batman Begins presents a con- weakness is a tendency to take Clearly, after the lamentable vincing psychological portrait of itself a little too seriously. Batman and Robin, a change of an intriguing man – convincing, The film is comprised of three terrified young girl without direction was required if the bat- t e

Sin City loosely interlocking stories, and feeling slightly queasy. Yet this man movie franchise was to con- n e g

there is a Tarantino-esque feel to queasiness is not because of tinue. Consequently, Batman a m

Near the beginning of Robert the way in which the chronology what you are seeing, but Begins is more interested in Bruce I Rodriguez’s Sin City the psycho- of events is manipulated. because of what you fear you Wayne as Bruce Wayne than pathic Marv muses that “It’s (Tarantino is credited as ‘guest might see; however, in this case Bruce Wayne as batman. We get going to be blood for blood and director’ and was paid $1 to as in the torture scenes, an insight into his tortured psy- by the gallon. These are the old shoot a scene involving a surreal Rodriguez manages to pull the che, and the flashbacks to his days, the bad days, the all-or- conversation between Clive film back from the brink of childhood fall down a bat-infest- nothing days.” From this instant becoming too nasty to be ed well and his parents’ murder the viewer becomes aware that Rodriguez pulls the watchable without diminishing are effective and also touching. they are in store for a violent, its impact. This is perhaps one These flashbacks help explain highly stylized tale of retribution film back from the of the film’s achievements; the why Wayne is so intent on achiev- and justice in the amoral and sur- brink of becoming viewer leaves the cinema con- ing justice, and the need to har- real world of Frank Miller’s vinced of the evilness of some ness fear in order to combat crime graphic novels. too nasty to be of the characters without hav- is a running theme. Wayne’s So close to its comic-book ori- watchable ing had to forfeit the enjoyable attempts to become ‘fear itself ’, gins is the film that it could escapism that cinema can offer. although plausible, unfortunately indeed be named a ‘graphic Owen and a corpse’s head.) Yet And if you can stomach the provokes some particularly clunky movie’, being graphic in every this playing with the chronology blood and gore and numerous dialogue. For example, Liam sense of the word; it is undeniably is never done in a gimmicky way. fight scenes it is indeed an enjoy- Neeson’s mysterious Duccard graphically violent and simultane- Instead the way the film unfolds able experience. The extensive explains early on in Bruce ously laden with computer graph- serves to make the unraveling supporting caste is excellent, Wayne’s formative training that ics. Yet despite the flinch-induc- mysteries contained in each seg- notably Elijah Wood whose “you must journey inwards... to ing atrocities that are committed ment all the more intriguing. exceptionally creepy perform- what you really fear... it’s inside on screen and the extensive use of It is the story concerning the ance as Kevin (innocuous you…there’s no turning back.” special effects, the film does suc- tale of Bruce Willis’ world- enough name but wait till you Lines such as these come per- ceed in having a sympathetic core. weary cop Hartigan and Jessica see what he does…) ensures that ilously close to sounding like a Perhaps not a moral core, but any Alba’s luminous Nancy that is you will no longer automatically particularly cheesy brand of psy- film that gets the viewers rooting perhaps most disturbing. At think of him as a cuddly hobbit. chobabble. for a hardened psychopath who the beginning of the tale Sin City is most definitely not a However, there is much to enjoys torturing those who have, Hartigan is attempting to res- first-date-movie, but it is certain- enjoy in this film, and the first admittedly, not exactly played nice cue Nancy from a notorious ly a highly inventive and original hour especially is particularly themselves is clearly one to take paedophile, and it is difficult to cinematic experience, and is one engrossing. The film is most note of. watch the scenes featuring the to savour. sucessful in convincing the viewer The Frat Pack are back this summer Jennifer Meech looks at the team behind The Wedding Crashers t e

n The Wedding Crashers is a comedy This 1996 film was nominally unusual nose who starred along- we are greeted with a scene that e g out later in the summer. It stars written by Jon Favreau but much side Ben Stiller in could move the film out of the a Starsky and m

I Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson of the script was borrowed from Hutch and Zoolander and, more realm of comedy; Max could rape and is the latest offering from the his conversations with Vaughn importantly, was a co-writer on Rosemary Cross, Richie’s suicide group of actors that the media has himself. Favreau’s character (like the Wes Anderson films Bottle bid could be successful. rather unoriginally (but quite Favreau himself at the time of Rocket, Rushmore and The Royal These moments of potential catchily) entitled ‘the frat pack’. writing) is a struggling comedian Tenenbaums. catastrophe are not emphasized The term comes from the 2003 in LA trying to get over his ex- Anderson has many trademark but the viewer cannot miss them, Old School in which Vaughn girlfriend and meet new women, techniques as a director (under- for they are what make starred alongside Will Ferrell and aided by such Vaughn gems as water shots, holding a shot for a Anderson’s films a class above the other Wilson brother, Luke. “You take yourself out of the little too long, characters chain most that are produced in These three men have been game, you start talking about smoking) but as a writer his America. involved in almost every good puppy dogs and ice cream and of scripts also go against Hollywood The new film will, I imagine, comedy coming out of the major course it’s going to end up on the type. The viewer of most be closer to Dodgeball than studios in the last five years. friendship tip.” Hollywood films is well trained to Swingers or the Wes Anderson Even if Old School had never The other star of The Wedding guess the development of the plot films, these are rare gems, but it been shot Vaughn would be eter- Crashers is Owen Wilson, the but Anderson’s films do not work will be funny and should be Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson in Old School nally remembered for Swingers. blonde Wilson brother with the like this. In the middle of the film worth a look. www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 FASHION29 30 SPORT June 24, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

Hockey Mixed fortunes for Athletes Success Andy Bell arguably her best event, fought victory from Bomb in to Blues times of 53.89s and unable to compete with the fur- Recognised Clements set a new match the 200m, and a glistening 54.26s respectively, their nearest thest effort to grace a Varsity ON SATURDAY 21st May, a record of 11.65m, bounding anchor leg of the 4x100m challenger lagging over four Match since 1999. Alberts was day of thundering skies and over 50cm beyond the Blues (which involved reeling in a seconds behind. awarded the Paul Gomme CAMBRIDGE NOMADS, lashing rain, the Light Blue standard to win in style. nail-biting Oxford lead to As well as being rather soggy, Trophy for best Inter-Varsity captained by Claire Louise ladies began their campaign Incredibly, this gargantuan leap clinch it on the line!), and you’re the Blues 100m was a spectacle throwing performance of the Walls, were rewarded for their with an impressive pole vault still fell short of her personal looking at one serious mean- of extreme nail-biting energy. year, and also the Drake-Digby league victory last season at an double. Sarah Iams capped off best, an outrageous 12.41m set machine of an athlete. Agbo Lightning-fast rugby winger trophy for best performance in East hockey awards ceremony her first season with CUAC by on tour in the US this year! was awarded the Susan Dennler Aki Abiola and lean, mean run- the men’s match - a truly out- on Sunday 15th June. sailing 10cm over the Blues The high jump was also one Trophy for best performance in ning machine Finlay Wright standing achievement The girls, coached by standard, to a dizzy height of of many events to be graced by the Women’s Match (100m dove for the line neck-and- After an outrageously tight Blues’ goal-keeper Andrew 2.70m, and comfortably beating Phyllis Agbo, a superstar fresh- hurdles), and goes down in the neck, desperate to clinch those 4x100m win for Oxford, and a Middleton, won promotion both Oxon opponents. Veteran er from Trinity College whose record books for equalling the extra points for their respective similarly nailbiting 4x400m losing only two of their vaulter Rachel Tomlinson went impressive repertoire of sprint- greatest number of individual teams. With first place loaded battle in favour of the light twenty games. They were one better, producing a lofty ing, hurdling, jumping and wins in a Varsity Match. Her on a 5-3-2-1 scoring system, blues, everyone whipped out lauded at the ceremony for 2.80m to win the event and throwing was used to full effect five victories were, interestingly the difference between gold and their pocket calculators in a notching up a huge 94 goals, retain her title from last year. on Saturday. Competing in a enough, achieved in almost silver honours could be of criti- desperate attempt to calculate greatly helped by top goal The first track race of the colossal seven individual events, identical disciplines to the now cal importance... in this case, the overall scores. And soon scorer SJ Lloyd. Winning afternoon, the 400m hurdles, not to mention both the joint record-holder, Rebecca the difference between gold and enough it was announced over the East League Division 2 was a chance for Grace 4x100m and 4x400m relays, Lewis (1997). silver honours was 0.02 sec- the tannoy: Oxford 110 - 102 North completed the double Clements, who led the Blues Agbo was on remarkable form. The male events on Saturday onds, with Oxford’s Wright Cambridge. for the Second XI who also l

Ladies to their third Varsity tri- Her shot put distance of were wrought with tension, and recording a flashy 11.03s to l triumphed in their BUSA e

umph in a row and the 25th 11.91m broke the match punctuated by a number of out- snatch it from Abiola on the dip B division, in which they y

Cambridge win in 31 years, to record, and furthered the Blues rageous upsets. In the closest finish. Pounding the tartan just d scored three times as many n

flex her muscles and produce a standard by almost a metre. Her Men’s Blues contest for seven paces behind was Dan Bray, A goals as any other team. The f spectacle of scintillating pace. 100m hurdles time of 14.44 years, every point was a matter holding off the dark blue chal- o team look forward to contin- y s

Powering round the tartan seconds won an extremely com- of life or death, a bloody battle- lenge of Toleme Ezekiel to fin- e uing their success next year. t r

arena in 62.98s, she smashed petitive race, in which three field of exertion. ish third in 11.34s. u If you are interested in o

through the Blues time by a athletes dipped under 15 sec- The track action began with Oxford dominated the C playing University hockey good two seconds to secure a onds, propelling her to the top the home side’s strongest event: throws, winning the hammer next season please contact confident victory over Oxford’s of CUAC’s All-Time Ranking 400m hurdles. With a current and javelin, but at 4:30pm, as Jennifer Lees or Andrew Martine Bomb. A heptathlete List for the event and coming squad of GB International the match approached its shud- Middleton – details on the of repute, Clements continued within a whisker (i.e. 0.04s) of Steve Green, English Schools dering climax, Nick Alberts web: www.cuhc.org to lead her team by example the Varsity Match Record itself. champion Ben Carne and Full struck back with a phenomenal throughout the day, competing She won the 100m by over a Blue 400m hurdler Dan Bray blow in the men’s shot. Jenny Malicka in a grand total of six individual second and finished the long (each ranked inside the top 15 Erupting past the Blues stan- events along with both relays, jump more than 80cm clear of on CUAC’s all-time perform- dard with a massive personal her versatility stretching to Oxford’s first scorer, earning ance list), Oxford never really best of 15.18m, he left last cover track racing, jumps and superfluous Full Blues in both stood a chance. Green and year’s winner McCauley chok- throws. In the triple jump, events. Add to that a hard- Carne cruised round the track ing on the foetor of defeat, Phyllis Agbo in action Careers Service

Summer Recruitment Event

Wednesday 29 June Riverside Suite 2.00pm – 5.00pm Garden House Hotel Granta Place

Meet 30 top employers who still have vacancies for their Autumn 2005 intake, while enjoying a glass of wine and an ice- cream.

Also take the opportunity to speak to one of our Careers Advisers, on hand for brief consultations all afternoon.

Cambridge University Careers Service, Stuart House, Mill Lane, Cambridge www.careers.cam.ac.uk

www.varsity.co.uk June 24, 2005 SPORT 31 Allison’s Century Not Quite Enough Sophia Davis and Alina Vaskina at the Women’s Cricket Varsity Match

UNDER THE INTENSE Grant a hat-trick. rays of the burning sun, at the Cambridge’s number 10 bats- ground on which every crick- man Kim Roach supported eter dreams of setting foot, Allison with an impressively Oxford and Cambridge ladies sterling performance, high- passionately fought out the lighting some sloppy dark closest 50 over match they blue fielding. could have imagined. On Cambridge stepped out to paper the two teams were field full of confidence and evenly matched, but the enthusiasm, with a great humidity meant that whoever opening spell from Tanya fielded first would reap the Glanville-Wallis and a run out full benefits of heavily swing- of the opening batsman, Sarah ing bowling. Berman, with only 4 to her Oxford fielded first. The name. The crowd lapped up light blue openers were both the spectacular dives from out before the scorebook hit Kim Smith, Farzana Meru 20. Then, out of the blue, Jane and Alina Vaskina as they e ‘Kiwi’ Allison and Sophia protected the Cambridge c u r

Davis began clocking up a boundaries, keeping the run- B e i

damaging and steady partner- rate a good deal below what l r ship, flashing some beautiful was required: at 35 overs a h cover drives to lay the ground Oxford had 121 compared to C for Allison’s stunning achieve- Cambridge’s 165. ment of a century at Lords’ Gale-Grant weakened Jane ‘Kiwi’ Allison is lauded by her team as she leaves the field after achieving her century at Lords Nursery Ground. Along the Cambridge again, however, scoring steadily gained Alexis Mannion, as they plied outstanding in-swing. bowling attack, using her pace to way to the respectable total of with a series of partnerships momentum and light blue the fielders with drinks. These All eyes were glued to the take two late breakthroughs, but 200 off 43 overs Davis made building up around her. heads began to drop. The heat conditions made it all the scoreboard, as at 45 overs Oxford game had been gradually slipping 30, but her abandonment of Despite the exceptional slow- was hard to endure, making more impressive that Laura were just 17 runs away from their away, and with only 11 balls to go Allison was followed by a ness of her 53, which took 163 invaluable the work of 12th Hancock bowled 10 overs target. Captain and opening an exhausted and deflated rapid fall of wickets that gave balls, the Oxford batsmen man, Lizzie Peto, and our without a break, conceding bowler Sarah Hill almost came to Cambridge side congratulated Oxford captain Georgia Gale- became comfortable, their ‘superstar’ APU team mate, only 22 runs during a show of the rescue on her return to the their rivals on victory. Oxford Defeated Croquet Sport in Brief Will Seymour and least developed a healthy lead VOLLEYBALL - Summer Nick Tucker on how Mann’s men James Ellis on last year’s performance. League mainly took place The Varsity Croquet is set up during May and saw 23 teams THE CAMBRIDGE Croquet rather like the Ryder Cup, indi- battle it out on Jesus Green. won their one-day at Lords Squad, skippered by Asif vidual performances head to It was particularly good to see Arshad, left for the head make up for most of the a few new teams competing, JUNE 17TH, LORDS, bright Meanwhile, Alberts was cameo but following his dis- Hurlingham Club early on the points scored; however it is especially St Catharine’s sec- sunshine, a healthy crowd and making his presence felt in the missal much depended on 16th June with two major often down to the doubles to ond team that consisted the dashing figure of Adrian form of some torrid banter that Timms. The opener had aims: to better the successive determine who finally takes the entirely of first years interest- Shankar patrolling the cover reduced the Oxford top-order played well for 58, but when 9-0 defeats of the previous trophy. In this instance the tro- ed in volleyball. Division 1 boundary - the scene was set for to nervous wrecks and caused he was out at 119-5, the game years and outdress the opposi- phy is ‘The Frank Cooper was well contested with Jesus Cambridge University’s first the MCC members in the pavil- had swung Oxford’s way. tion. Confidence was high Bowl’: a fine silver specimen, 1 becoming the champions. win at Lords against Oxford in ion to spit in their tea. Then the Enter James Chervak and concerning the latter goal; with presumably steeped in mar- Division 2 was won by a pow- the relatively new one-day for- big South African was thrown Tom Savill, two of Cambridge’s a collective look best described malade/croquet tradition. erful King’s team who seemed mat of the Varsity match. the ball and together with Savill finest strikers of the ball. These as ‘Brideshead meets Unfortunately for the light to have endless numbers of Richard Mann, the Light (4-28 from ten overs) reduced two played sensibly, combining Broadmoor’ there was little blues, the result was already set players to call on and loads of Blues’ captain, made two Oxford to 63-4. The Dark Blues well placed singles with some doubt that the light blues had by the time the pairs took to the enthusiasm. Finally in important decisions before the recovered briefly and appeared breathtaking hitting as they the sartorial banter. lawns. That said we failed to Division 3 Trinity Hall man- game had even started. Firstly, to be mounting something of a shared five sixes. With five Concerning the game itself, secure any further victories. aged a 5 and 1 success rate to to the delight of his team, he comeback before Ben Jacklin overs remaining, the asking rate some had doubts. Oxford, with Let us return to the second of take the title. Mentioning won an all-important toss and ripped an outswinger past the had risen to over seven an over a training scheme more brutal our aims; Oxford may have pos- only three teams does not do elected to bowl first on a wicket Oxford captain’s outside edge and Cambridge’s chances than that exposed in Full Metal sessed the world number 7, justice to the competitiveness heavily tinged with green. and knocked back the off stump. looked bleak with the Oxford Jacket, were always going to however there was something of the league and in all three Secondly, he selected Nic The Dark Blues did well to get spinners continuing to bowl perform. And perform they did. rather unglamorous about his leagues competition was stiff Alberts, the Rugby Blue, up to 190 all out, despite Vikram tidily. However, McMahon, the Readers should be reminded flat out ball alignment tech- for the second and third spots. despite the fact he had played Bannerjee’s fine spell of 3-29. Oxford captain and that croquet is a game of 12 nique. In contrast we brought a Jonathon Wright little during the season. Both It was a score that was to Nottinghamshire spinner hoops and when an Oxford collage of “West coast cool” and these decisions were soon vindi- prove surprisingly competitive. strangely decided to bring back player pulled out an 11 hoop “Old school chic” that succeeded VARSITY PUNTING - This cated. On a wicket which Cambridge lost Heath early to his opening bowler Morse who run in one turn, it left the quar- in dragging at least some of the Saturday witnesses the inaugu- helped the bowlers, a fine inswinging yorker from then went for 19 off an over. tet of Cambridge supporters crowds away from the rival ‘Pro ral Varsity punting competition Cambridge’s seamers immedi- Suman, the Oxford left arm Suddenly, Cambridge were gob-smacked. Am’ day that was running simul- to be held on the Isis in the ately hit good areas and Oxford swing bowler, but fresher back in the driving seat and, in That particular Oxford play- taneously on the tennis courts. Oxford University Parks. Two struggled. Tom Savill, the tall Richard Timms and skipper the very last over, Savill and er might have pulled out such Overall, the going was soft strong teams from Cambridge, opening bowler, was a constant Richard Mann played steadily Chervak saw the Light Blues an extravagant move in the after a day of light drizzle which led by Will Dunbar and Jonny menace throughout his first to give Cambridge a good home to a dramatic and well doubles, but was playing on the may have favoured the more Gee in the first punt, will take spell and was backed up by fine platform for victory. However, deserved victory. They must back of an earlier defeat in the experienced player - rather like on the Dark Blues. The wicketkeeping from the reliable after Mann departed for 27, now repeat the job in the four- singles event. His defeat was at when Schumacher takes the emphasis is on style as much as James Heywood and by good Cambridge lost their way in dayer that begins on the 28th of the hands of one Hugo Bush, Grand Prix in the wet - but it speed with recumbant ladies fielding, most notably when the face of some quality spin June at Fenners, and will surely Cambridge’s only victorious should be noted that Oxford and champagne acting as Duncan Heath held a brilliant bowling and looked to have welcome support from their fel- individual who won his morn- were a well oiled machine and essential ballast. The prospects catch in the gully, the first of left themselves with too much low students. But for now, ing game holding on to an early employed some sound technical are looking good for the four catches to East to do. Rudi Singh injected Richard Mann’s men should lead throughout. So by and tactical nous to secure a Cambridge team. Fannythorpe’s favourite son. some impetus with a busy savour the moment. lunchtime Cambridge had at resounding victory. Adam Shindler June 24, 2005 SPORT Shared Honours at Home of Cricket Men victorious at Lords but Women come away empty-handed Caius stay top as Jesus gain headship c i h p a r g o t o h P T E J

Caius look comfortable at the front as Jesus begin their push for the headship Churchill force Darwin to concede as the crews in front prepare for First Post Corner

Kenelm Richardson is often fierce and the man- their campaign for the head- Eyewitnesses say he was quota of university and fast King’s crew bumped gled wreck of boats and ship off to a great start by forcefully ejected from the international rowers. St. Queens’ and then St. rowers at the end of the slamming into Pembroke. In boat, ripping out his foot- Catharine’s fell to a resur- Catharine’s to gain promo- THE MAY BUMPS are the week suggest that the the men’s competition plate and twisting his rigger gent Lady Margaret crew, tion to the top division for pinnacle of the college row- Bumps are less of a pleasant Trinity Hall, powered in part through 180 degrees in the Queens’ took their revenge the first time. In the 1st ing year. Over the course of Pimms-supping affair than by Olympian Tom James, process. An early morning on Trinity, and Pembroke division Pembroke contin- four days of aggressive rac- they may at first appear. made a great start to their trip to the manufacturer saw continued their upward ued to follow Jesus up the ing on the winding Cam the On Wednesday the battle week when they bumped St. that the boat was ready to progress by bumping Clare. chart by bumping success of each college boat for promotion began in the Catharine’s a matter of sec- be used again the following With thoughts for most Emmanuel and thus finish- club is measured out. Crews men’s 2nd division between onds into the race. Caius day. At the head of the rowers beginning to turn to ing as runners up. Christ’s line up on the first day of Caius II and Trinity II. Caius stayed head but must surely men’s division, a weakened boat club dinners, crews on became the only 1st division racing in order in which managed to stay ahead of have felt threatened by the Trinity Hall failed to pro- for blades crossed every- ladies crew to take blades, they finished racing the pre- Trinity for the length of the speed being produced by duce any serious challenge thing in the hope that they whilst Newnham, Downing vious year; thus festering course but it was a tough row Trinity Hall behind them. In to Caius. Although the would make the crucial and St. Catherine’s all grudges between clubs and and when they came to race the middle of the division boats remained on station fourth bump whilst those found themselves in posses- individuals are rekindled as sandwich boat they were there was a fantastic three- for the first two minutes, on for spoons prayed to the sion of spoons. The final after a year’s gestation. unable to topple a way scrap between Caius broke away on the river gods for salvation. afternoon of racing in the Whilst only a handful of Peterhouse crew who looked Robinson, Trinity and exit of Grassy Corner and Caius V deserve a mention men’s 1st division saw crews have a chance at tak- precarious at the bottom of Queens’. Trinity were the by the time they crossed the for managing to pull off the LMBC bump Tit Hall to ing the coveted title of the 1st division. In the beneficiaries of a difficult finish line were over five only double over-bump of finish second on the river. ‘Head of The River’, all have women’s 1st division umpire’s decision which lengths clear. Their head- the week in the 5th men’s Meanwhile Queens’ the opportunity of finishing Emmanuel held on to the ruled that they had bumped ship would surely be safe. division, in the process plac- bumped Downing to finish with blades by ‘bumping’ up top slot from Caius, although Robinson before Queens’ By the third day of racing ing themselves ahead of in fifth, and at the top Caius every day. Even in the low- Jesus with the university boat had made contact with them. the fatigue was starting to Caius IV. At the top end of held onto the headship for est divisions the competition club president aboard got By the second day a pic- show in many of the lower- the women’s 2nd division a the fourth year in a row. ture of which boats were ranked crews. However, at moving fast and which the head of the women’s top boats were struggling to division Jesus seemed to be move against the stream was barely breaking into their starting to emerge. In the stride when they bumped repeat running of the battle Emmanuel in less than three of the second boats, Trinity minutes. Jesus were clearly II managed to make the the strongest crew on the bump on a tired Caius II river and could be certain to and then gain a permanent remain head the following slot in the 1st Division by afternoon. In the men’s com- bumping Peterhouse. In the petition, university commit- women’s 1st division, Jesus ments meant that some bumped Caius and looked boats were short of their top set to take the headship the personnel for the last two following day. Jesus were days of racing. This was not also making waves in the a problem that affected men’s division when their Caius, who have built up a five-man caught a crab strong stable of college oars- shortly after the start. men to compliment their CRICKET VARSITY REPORTS PAGE 31 CROQUET PAGE 31 ATHLETICS VARSITY MATCH PAGE 30