* * * * * * * * * 20 * * * Friday 16 December 2016 Comment

Pantomime is there to lift your spirits – not lower the tone

GYLES BRANDRETH

antomime as we know audience their first-ever P it is a British visit to the theatre, and that phenomenon. It is our we had a responsibility to island’s only unique make them welcome and at contribution to world home. “It’s a party,” he said, culture. Ballet, opera, circus “where no one should feel happen everywhere. Only awkward or ill-at-ease.” we do panto. Oh yes we do – Panto isn’t Brecht: you want and how! Christmas is the your audience to go home one time of the year when happy, not alienated. every theatre in the land is Modern panto took shape guaranteed to make money in Victorian times when as we flock, in our millions, music-hall entertainers (the old and young, frail and TV stars of their day) were hearty, to cheer and sigh, brought in to be the show’s boo and hiss, at an top-liners. There was always extraordinary something quite adult about entertainment that elements of it. The idea of combines a classic children’s the principal boy being fairy tale with music, played by a woman was very slapstick and melodrama much to let the audience and peoples it with men enjoy the sight of her legs in dressed as women, women tights. The notion of the dressed as men and humans middle-aged male comic To order prints or signed copies of any Telegraph cartoon, go to telegraph.co.uk/cartoonprints or call 01642 485322 ‹ [email protected] disguised as animals. It’s dressing up as the amazing. It’s amusing. It’s pantomime dame was to magical. Or it ought to be. give the character freedom But, alas, this year, at the to play the part for London Palladium (once the raucous laughs. home of traditional When Dan Leno and pantomime), it seems it isn’t. Marie Lloyd – the two The new production of greatest popular stars of The battle for press freedom may Cinderella has been blessed their day – starred in panto, with a huge budget and an they certainly brought a all-star cast, but fatally whiff of the music hall with undermined by the one them, but they never lost element guaranteed to ruin sight of the fact that a family show: smut. pantomime is essentially a have to be fought all over again Apparently, when Julian gloriously innocent Clary as Dandini tells us he’s entertainment designed, in the prince’s “right-hand Shakespeare’s phrase, “to Such attempts usually fail because pieces of legislation to have been that she won’t be able to, and that she man” that’s just the start of give delight and hurt not”. Unless something is done, the Government realises that press passed over recent years. The proposal will eventually lose a battle against it. By several accounts, the Joseph Grimaldi (the freedom is worth preserving, and is extraordinary: that publications who FOLLOW Fraser Tory rebels who are itching to insert innuendos come thick and original Clown Joey) was newspapers could soon newspapers are normally powerful fail to submit themselves to Mr Nelson on Twitter new press regulation laws into other fast. (You see: it’s catching.) Britain’s first and biggest- lose their power to hold enough to remind them of the fact. Mosley’s regulator could have to pay @FraserNelson; legislation. The Mosley plan has now I’m not averse to a dirty ever pantomime star. He the powerful to account But the press is weaker than at any the legal costs for anyone who sues READ MORE at come before the House of Commons joke (I worked with Bernard suffered from depression time in recent history. Since the them – successfully or not. telegraph.co.uk/ twice, both times introduced by the Manning in his prime; I am a and went to see a doctor Leveson Inquiry was called, sales are The threat that this poses to press opinion House of Lords – which is determined friend of the great Jim who, not knowing who he FRASER NELSON down by almost a third. Advertising freedom is hard to exaggerate. Take to revive the Leveson affair. Last Davidson) but there is a time was, told him to lift his revenue (the lifeblood of most Tim Yeo, who when a Tory MP was month, the vote was looking so tight and a place for everything spirits by going to see “the newspapers) has shrunk by about a caught in a newspaper sting offering in the Commons that the Government and Christmas in the theatre great Grimaldi”. “But I am fifth this year alone. This all has his services to what he thought was had to buy off the rebels by holding a with your children and the great Grimaldi!” wailed consequences. has an energy company. Ever the chancer, public consultation. So both issues – a grandchildren at your side is the clown. Pantomime is vanished from newsagents; The he sued for libel using a no-win, no- new Leveson inquiry, and Section 40 not when and where you there to lift your spirits, Guardian will probably be next. The fee law company. Had he succeeded, – are firmly back on the agenda. want double entendres about whoever you are, ax Mosley is enemies of press freedom will be would have been on When I met the Prime Minister masturbation. whatever your age. Keep nothing if not cursing themselves for a premature the hook for at least £1 million. The earlier this month, I asked how When I last appeared in smut out of it. persistent. When attack six years ago. Now, surely, is judge seemed appalled at Mr Yeo’s worried she was about this. She traditional pantomime (as his debauches the perfect time to strike. brazenness, saying that much of his replied that if I was worried, I should Baron Hardup, with Bonnie Gyles Brandreth features in M ended up on the The struggle takes various forms. evidence was “false and, in my write in to her consultation. It seems Langford as an enchanting ‘Just A Minute Does Panto’ on front page of the One group, Stop Funding Hate, is judgment, dishonest”. But had Section that, so far, no one is really doing so – Cinders) we had our cheeky BBC Radio 4 on Christmas Day News of the World, he sued – and won. lobbying large companies to stop 40 been in effect, the newspaper apart from Hacked Off. This is moments (Barbara Windsor After the tabloid collapsed during the advertising in newspapers whose could have been asked to pay the full understandable: no one has really was the Fairy Godmother, phone hacking scandal, he went after editorial line it finds disagreeable. In costs anyway – as punishment for heard about her listening exercise. after all), but I remember the rest of the press. His latest project another era, such a preposterous refusing to swear allegiance to the Hacked Off ’s website, as you might our producer reminding us FOLLOW Gyles Brandreth on is to bankroll a would-be regulator, plan would have stood no chance of state regulator. expect, has a form where you can that this was family Twitter @GylesB1; named Impress, to which he wants success. But at a time when The implications of all this are simply sign a pre-written demand for entertainment and for many READ MORE at all British papers to submit. And if advertising decisions are taken by deliciously apparent to the MPs now a new inquiry and more press of the children in the telegraph.co.uk/opinion they don’t, he wants them to face young executives who spend too considering the activation of Section regulation. Needless to say there is crippling financial penalties. An much time on social media, such 40. Newspapers would be asked to no equivalent from the newspaper extraordinary plan, made all the tactics can work. Lego, for example, submit to Max Mosley and his friends industry, the least collaborative more remarkable because it is has been persuaded that readers of at Impress, which no self-respecting group of people in Britain. And a terrifyingly close to success. the Daily Mail are no longer suitable title would ever do. They would then group that is not used to begging for Fairly soon, the last court case recipients of its free toys. The live in fear of being sued by anyone, its liberty. relating to the decade-old phone campaigners, delighted with such for anything. The guilty Sam The MPs who always support press hacking scandal will come to an end – triumphs, are now moving on to the Allardyce could exact his revenge on freedom (there are only about a dozen leaving politicians free to resume Daily Express. this newspaper with a Tim Yeo-style of them) worry that all might yet be their pursuit of the press. This is not, Then we have Hacked Off, which is lawsuit, and it wouldn’t cost him a lost because the newspapers are too really, about voicemails, nor is it even still going – with the support of Mr penny. The obvious result of this disorganised, or too proud to play the about Rupert Murdoch’s ambitions Mosley, Hugh Grant, John Prescott and would be far fewer investigations. No consultation game, or suggest that for Sky. It’s about power, and who a few other celebrities who have had more undercover newspaper their readers might do so. The idea of bends the knee to whom. If politicians reason to curse the tabloids over the reporters, finding out what MPs say a Mosley triumph might sound crazy, set up a new regulatory regime, in years. They lost the argument last time when they think no one else is they warn, but crazy things are this case, by ordering newspapers to around. Phone hacking was already listening. No one finding out what Mr happening all the time in sign up to Mr Mosley’s outfit, a illegal, which is why people went to Yeo’s real price might be. Westminster. It is a depressing hierarchy will have been established jail. But they have a new cause now: might consider all of thought, but it does seem as if the and 300 years of press freedom will, Section 40 of the Crime and Courts Act this deplorable, but she hasn’t battle for press freedom might well in effect, have come to an end. 2013, one of the various anti-press stopped it. Many of her ministers fear have to be fought all over again. Tone-deaf Labour plumbs new depths

embarrassed? Had they, perhaps, not the national living wage. John Lewis, compared with the actual Labour MPs. Comparing a cutback in actually read the new lyrics until they for example, has introduced a three- He sings with waltzing optimism of the got to the studio, donned their Father month probationary period for new FOLLOW Jemima Corbynite paradise to come (“I’d like no staff perks to famine in Christmas hats and pressed “record”? recruits before they can qualify for all Lewis on Twitter one being hoooome-less,/ good jobs Ethiopia is symptomatic of Alas, too late to turn back now. So on the benefits of a fully-fledged “partner”, @gemimsy; and fair pay for all”), while the MPs a party in terminal decline they warble with rictus jollity: “And we although they will still be eligible for a READ MORE at seem consumed by a hyperbolic know that they have plenty, but they give share of the group’s annual bonus. telegraph.co.uk/ despair. out less and less./Stand up against their Distressing stuff, I’m sure you’ll opinion This is what happens when a JEMIMA LEWIS greed this Christmas time.” agree. We await Michael Buerk’s political party is mortally wounded. What, you may be wondering, have harrowing dispatch from the It reels around in blind, self-righteous John Lewis, Waitrose and M&S (among haberdashery department. fury. It starts seeing things, such as a other previously well-regarded Could it all be part of an elaborate moral equivalence between John Lewis employers) done to merit comparison set-up for You’ve Been Framed? Is it trimming its sails and one of the worst with a famine caused by drought and some sort of coded cry for help? “He famines in African history. civil war in which more than a million who sings frightens away his ills,” Even its elders lose all sense of f you haven’t yet seen it, I implore people died? Let our band of happy wrote Cervantes, and Labour MPs perspective. Hence, Harry Leslie – the I you – don’t. Save yourself the carollers explain: certainly have plenty to feel sick about 92-year-old war veteran who has psychic anguish of watching 20 “No double time on Sundays, your these days. become a sort of cuddly Labour mascot Labour MPs (including some previously Christmas bonus gone, Indeed, this year’s singles charts are – tweeted this week: “It leaves me regarded as sane, such as Dan Jarvis Your overtime’s now ended, your stuffed with politicos singing out their gobsmacked that anyone can think and Angela Rayner) divest their party of lunches have been took, blues. The most sympathetic is a cover #Georgeosborne cares about the the last skimpy undergarments of Just to keep their profit margin and version of You Can’t Always Get What civilians in #Aleppo after he brutalised political dignity. they just don’t give a damn.” You Want, recorded by a cross-party Britain with austerity.” Yeah, Syrians. These 20 have recorded a Christmas You may, like me, need to have a choir of MPs and pop stars to raise You think you’ve got it tough but we’ve single. But that’s not the worst of it. little sit-down after that. Put your head money for the Jo Cox Foundation. But if got, like, loads of libraries closing. They have rewritten Do They Know It’s between your knees until the word you fancy something more hard-Left Of all the bad things about the MPs’ Christmas – Band Aid’s 1984 single “took” stops dancing in front of your this yuletide, there’s the liltingly catchy song (entitled National Minimum Rage, about starving Ethiopians – and turned eyes. But let us not be distracted by the JC 4 PM 4 Me, by Robb Johnson and the geddit?), the worst is that someone in it into a critique of employment clunkiest lyrics since The Killers Corbynistas. (“We’re all for peace and Labour’s high command must have practices at certain British firms. “At pondered the question: “Are we human justice, and anti-austaaaaairity! I’m signed off on it. Our Opposition has Christmas time, we give but some or are we dancer?” voting Jeremy Cooooorbyn, JC for PM gone completely tone deaf, politically employers take,” pipe the MPs raggedly, The point being made is that these for me!”) as well as musically. How could it hope like irregular churchgoers half-miming firms are all cutting back on staff perks The awful thing is how cheerful this to produce a Christmas hit, when the the Lord’s Prayer. Why do they seem so in order to offset the increased costs of ageing socialist folk singer seems, party itself is a turkey?