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Dealing with Difficult Behavior & Thriving in Challenging Times

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Dealing with Difficult Behavior & Thriving in Challenging Times “In a high-IQ job pool, soft skills like discipline, drive, and empathy mark those who emerge as outstanding.”- Daniel Goleman Dealing with Difficult Behavior & Thriving in Challenging Times Handling Difficult People and Thriving in Challenging Times Day One (1.5 hours) Harnessing Emotional Intelligence 1. The Four Windows of Emotional Intelligence 2. Expanding Self-Awareness 3. Self-Diagnostics (How are you really doing?) 4. Clarifying Priorities, Values and Goals (personal/professional) 5. The 5 Rules of Emotions and What They Mean In Life 6. Introduction to Self-Management Day Two (1.5 Hours) Turning Stress into Success 1. Increasing Self-Mastery 2. Managing Anxiety 3. Amplifying Self-Discipline, Drive and Focus 4. Making the nervous system your ally instead of your enemy 5. Trigger Relaxation 6. Introduction to Dealing with Difficult People Day Three (1.5 Hours) Relationship Management 1. Identifying The Factors That Drive Difficult Behavior 2. Expanding Social Awareness 3. Influence Based Communication Strategies 4. Introduction to Push/Pull Communication 5. Influenced Based Behavior 6. Using Push/Pull Communication in Difficult Situations With Difficult people 7. Scenario Training 1 Day Four (1.5 Hours) Mastering Change, Crisis and Crunch Time 1. Understanding the Impact High Pressure Has on Performance 2. Moving Yourself and Your Team From Crisis to Resource 3. Q and A 4. Creating Your Thrive Action Plan “If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” -Daniel Goleman 2 What is Emotional Intelligence? What are two ideas that come to mind when you hear the term Emotional Intelligence? 1) ____________________________________________ 2) ____________________________________________ 3 Emotional Intelligence 101 Measuring Your EQ Rate how much you agree with the following statements. 5 (strongly agree); 4 (agree); 3 (neither agree/disagree); 2 (disagree): 1(strongly disagree) Self-Awareness 1. I know what I am good at. 2. I am aware of my feelings as they are happening. 3. I know what my values are. 4. I have a clear vision of my purpose 5. When I am upset I am usually aware of the cause 4 Self-Management 1. I remain calm and composed under pressure. 2. I finish what I set out to do. 3. I remain patient when standing in a long line. 4. I pull myself together quickly after a setback. 5. I know what motivates me. Social Awareness 1. I seek to discover what is important to others before attempting to influence them to take action. 2. I can accurately assess the intentions of others most of the time. 3. I can read the emotional undercurrents of others. 4. I am able to look at a problem from another person’s point of view. 5. I am aware of the communication styles of the people around me. Relationship Management 1. I pay attention to what others are saying and how they are saying it. 2. I can persuade others. 3. I know the words and behaviors that will calm down or provoke others. 4. I ask questions that keep people engaged. 5. I focus on positive outcomes during conflict. Score 65 – 100: Your EQ is well above average. 30 – 65: You have an average EQ score with room for growth. 20 – 30: It is good that you are taking this training. 5 In Dealing with Difficult Behavior: What do you need to be aware of? How can you practice self-control? What do you need to know about people? What do you need to do to better manage the relationship? 6 Emotional Intelligence and Conflict Think of your last encounter with conflict and compare your behavior to the E.I. tools listed in the chart above: Self-Awareness Self-Management Social Awareness Relationship Management 7 Questions Are the Answer Accurate self-awareness starts with questions. Ask yourself the questions below. Don’t evaluate the answer in terms of good or bad or right or wrong. Pick the answer that seems most true to you. In the spaces below jot down a few key words and/or phrases that will help you to remember your answers. How do you evaluate people? What situations provoke strong emotions in you? When has your emotional response to your environment been surprising or unexpected? What were your intentions in your most recent conflict situation? What have you learned about yourself through your interaction with others? 8 Increasing E.I. Awareness What is my greatest E.I. strength? What is my greatest E.I. weakness? How do I motivate myself? When do my emotions get out of control? When is it difficult to work with others? 9 Rules of Emotions 1) Emotions are not controlled by willpower 2) Feelings fade with time 3) All feelings have a purpose 4) Fighting your feelings is pointless. 5) Behavior transforms feelings. Emotions in Action Think back to a time in your life where one or all of these rules applied: What happened? 10 Self-Management Secrets of Self-Mastery More than half a century has passed since Hans Selye’s revolutionary stress research demolished the theory that the mind has little or no effect on the body. Yet, here in the Information Age, people seem utterly clueless when it comes to reaping tangible benefits from this mysterious connection. While we may admire the mental toughness of athletes and leaders, few people understand what “mind power” is, let alone how to put it to work healing their bodies, achieving their dreams, or finding that “fundamental satisfaction” that makes life worth living. Emotional Intelligence helps you harness the essential skills of life-mastery: mental focus and discipline, deep personal transformation, and access to all the power, strength and energy within you. The Self-Mastery Two Step Step One: Information Management • Attention • Imagination • Communication Step Two: Energy Management • Mental & Physical Relaxation • Lifestyle 11 Mental and Physical Relaxation Relaxation Is Power 5th Rule of the Mind: You cannot be physically relaxed and mentally tense at the same time. Bruce Lee’s Rules of Relaxation 1) You must know the feeling of relaxation 2) You must be able to relax when you want to 3) You must be able to relax in situations that normally produce tension and anxiety 12 That Magic Feeling Right now, if you wanted to, you could tense all the muscles in your body until they could not be tightened anymore. This might be called the height of tension and, for most people, reaching the height of tension isn’t much of a problem. But what if you wanted to release all that tension? Could you reach the “basement” of relaxation? Do you even remember where it is? Muscles have memory, which isn’t a good thing when your muscles only remember how to stay in their on-guard position. To find the feeling of relaxation, it may be best to give your nervous system a lesson by way of comparison. The Muscle 2 Memory Exercise Find a comfortable position either sitting or lying down. When you are ready, close your eyes and focus your attention inward on a neutral image (Chapter 20) such as a tree, a cloud, or an ocean wave. Hold the image in your mind for a moment and then slowly take in a full breath. As you fill your lungs with air, tense the muscles in your legs. Keep tensing the muscles in the ankles, calves, and quads as you continue to inhale. Once your lungs are full, hold your breath and hold on to the tension in your legs for three seconds. Then, as you release the air from your lungs, release the tension in your leg muscles. Rest for ten seconds and focus on the feeling 13 of relaxation. Is it a heavy feeling, a light feeling, or a tingling one? Compare the relaxation in your legs with the rest of muscles in your body. Use the E.S.P. exercise (Chapters 17 and 18) to fully internalize all the sensations of relaxation. After this short pause, slowly draw in another a full breath, and this time tense your upper torso and arms as you fill up your lungs. Tighten your stomach, chest, shoulders, and back. Clench your hands into fists and tighten your arms. Hold on to the tension as you hold your breath, and after three seconds release them both. Feel the relaxation in the midsection of your body. Notice how gravity takes over. Feel the release. On the third breath scrunch up your face, tense your scalp, and tighten the muscles in your neck. Hold your breath as you hold the tension for three seconds, then release and relax. Notice how the face muscles relax and the jaw grows loose. Now for the last round: This time as you inhale, tense all the muscles in your body from your legs to your scalp. Hold the breath and the tension to your own count of three and then exhale, release the tension, and relax all the muscles. Repeat this last part of the process three times and then pause to let your mind and body acquire the feeling of relaxation. Soak in 14 these sensations and let the experience of relaxation saturate your nervous system. Then open your eyes and take that relaxation with you when you get up and go. “The great thing, then, in all education, is to make our nervous system our ally instead of our enemy.” William James 15 .
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