SHALOM BAYIT ENDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN JEWISH HOMES

Spring 2014 ~ Nissan 5774

Support Groups FOR THE NEXT GENERATION RABBIS’ CORNER: Beyond Silence

Are you being hurt by Naomi Tucker, Executive Director Rabbi Pam Frydman

someone you love? The connection between generations Over the years I have listened to the precious Get support from your peers in is a powerful Jewish theme. We learn and painful stories of women and men who a confidential space. Groups from the last generation, and teach to the were sexually abused as children. It is not offered in SF, East Bay, Marin, next. We learn from our children and unusual for a rabbi to support victims of and the Peninsula. FREE and open to women coping with students too. As Rabbi Chanina said, “I have abuse, but generally it is confidential even controlling relationships, past or learned much from my teachers. More from when the abuse is reported to the present. For details call our Bay my colleagues. But most of all – from my authorities. In the fall of 2013, a courageous Area Toll-Free Helpline students” (Babylonian Talmud, Ta’anit 7a). We man declared on Facebook that he was

1-866-SHALOM-7 remain linked to the lessons of our past: we molested by his late father who was a are forever changed by the Holocaust; each prominent Jewish leader. Sue Fishkoff, Editor- SF / Marin groups made possible by the year we retell the story of our people’s exodus in-Chief of J, the Jewish News Weekly of Jewish Community Endowment Newhouse Fund from slavery. Every generation is called to see Northern California, covered the story and

East Bay groups made possible by the ourselves as if we personally had come out of published an op ed by Rabbi Nat Ezray of Civic Foundation and by a joint grant Egypt – not just to remember what happened Congregation Beth Jacob in Redwood City. from the Jewish Community Foundation to our ancestors, but to act as if we are current Rabbi Ezray grew up in the same community and Jewish Federation of the East Bay. Thank you! players in that scene. We are deeply rooted in as the molester. He expressed his outrage, where we come from. declared his commitment to facilitate a

From one generation to the next we learn public response and invited the public to Newsletter Editor a great deal. We both learn from and rebel contact him if they wished. Carlin Singer against our role models, each force shaping Many rabbis accepted Rabbi Ezray’s who we are to become. What does that challenge. A small ad hoc group created the Shalom Bayit Staff mean for the mother trying to protect her “Beyond Silence” campaign to raise

Executive Director child from exposure to an abusive parent at consciousness about child sexual abuse, to Naomi Tucker home? What about the universal question of help make it safer for victims and survivors to how our community as a whole can make step forward to ask for help, and to Youth Program Coordinator things better for the next generation? implement methods for preventing, Zephira Derblich-Milea And when we refer to “next generation” reporting, and responding to child sexual Direct Services Coordinator are we talking about young children? Our abuse in the Jewish community. More than Lisa Kahn-Tietz kids’ children? Gen X young adults now 135 rabbis signed a statement initiating the Regional Counselors becoming our future leaders? Beyond Silence campaign that was published Annie Goldstein Shalom Bayit’s work spans the spectrum of in the J Weekly in February. Talia Korenbrot all this intergenerational interconnectedness. Rabbis are also planning a professional Aliza Rothman Intervention programs address the problem development conference (slated for January Carole Siegel st of domestic violence in its present moment: 21 , 2015) to educate ourselves and develop Community Educator those currently coping with abuse or its policies and protocols for staff, parents and Paulette Dolin aftermath. Prevention programs take a congregants so everyone learns how to Program Associate different angle, targeting those who haven’t prevent child sexual abuse and what to do Carlin Singer yet been impacted in the hopes that our when it has already occurred. For

Love Shouldn’t Hurt Interns healthy relationships education will prevent information about the Beyond Silence Hannah Horowitz abuse in the first place. The prevention field campaign, please contact Rabbi Nat Ezray at Amy Neumuth calls this “primary prevention” — in other [email protected] or Rabbi Pam Corinne Vandagriff words, preventing an issue before it starts. Frydman at [email protected].  This includes our Love Shouldn’t Hurt teen Shalom Bayit is a beneficiary of the Jewish Community Federation program, reaching out to Jewish youth Join us for...Upcoming Events of San Francisco, the Peninsula, regardless of whether they are at risk so that (more info, p.6) Marin and Sonoma Counties, th all teens are exposed to tools for preventing April 27 Teen/parent workshop a project of the Tides Center, and a relationship abuse. th proud member of the San Francisco —continued on p.2 May 14 Creating Hope celebration Domestic Violence Consortium. For the next generation Continued from page 1

Honestly, we’d like to work ourselves out of a job. I look girls pressured into posting and texting half naked pictures forward to the day when Shalom Bayit is no longer needed of themselves before they understand the consequence. because we’ve created a society where people simply don’t And all the teens who just want to have a healthy treat their partners abusively, period. relationship but don’t know how. There is also what the prevention field calls “secondary We do this for the 15 million children in the U.S. living in prevention” – helping those who’ve experienced a problem families where they witness domestic violence. The children to prevent it from happening again. This type of prevention who live in a verbal war zone in their own home. The blends our client services and community education, children who grow up with an inextricable link between weaving educational content into our counseling and love and violence, who learn to cope by either aggression intervention programs. Secondary prevention includes, for or invisibility, who so desperately crave the one thing that example, helping our clients to stay safe once they get out should be a basic human right for all: a safe place to call of an abusive relationship, preventing further harm. It home. includes giving them the tools to have healthy relationships A Chassidic story tells of Honi the Circle Maker who, when the next time around. Finally, another example of walking down the road one day, saw an old man planting a secondary prevention is ensuring the children of battered carob tree. Honi asked “How long will it take for this tree to women do not experience further trauma in their lives. bear fruit?” The man replied, “Seventy years.” Honi asked Clearly, understanding prevention in this way compels us the man why he would plant a tree when he would not live to integrate prevention messages into all that we do: from long enough to see it bear fruit. The man answered, “When our actual dating violence prevention programs that teach I was born into this world, I found many trees planted by youth skills for healthy friendships / relationships, to our my father and grandfather. Just as my ancestors planted for crisis intervention programs that benefit greatly from the me, so I will plant for my children.” content and lessons learned in our prevention work. Ending domestic violence is perhaps not something that A prevention mindset also influences our outreach will happen in your lifetime or mine. But we still work strategies. As important as it is to reach out to potential tirelessly towards that goal because we are the generation victims of domestic abuse when we think about who needs planting the seeds – so that our children’s children will live Shalom Bayit’s services, it’s equally important to reach in a world of respect and lovingkindness. We plant those everyone (including those not currently in abusive seeds among today’s young children when we teach them relationships) with concrete tools for preventing abuse in how to play in the sandbox. We plant them now and their own lives. (Not to mention in the lives of their friends, quickly among teens who are starting to date. We plant children, grandchildren, colleagues, congregants and them among young adults on the cusp of building life more.) That’s why we are now offering healthy relationships partnerships and families. We spread those seeds far and workshops for young adults as well as teens, and teaching wide, sometimes also touching those already affected by specific skills like healthy boundary-setting. While the topic domestic violence – in the hopes that we bring a little more of domestic violence may not be “sexy” or feel relevant to peace to this world each day, one person at a time. everyone, it’s vitally important for anyone considering long So when I am asked if “next generation” refers to term relationships. All of us need to understand how to millennials or preschoolers or our children’s children, my protect ourselves from harm, choose wisely, and know what answer is yes. It means all those things. Each of those warning signs of abuse look like before we’re in too deep. groups is the reason we are here, striving every day to make Think of it as an insurance policy: it can happen to anyone, this world a place where all people treat each other with so everyone should be informed. dignity and respect.  Relationships can fall in many places on the spectrum between healthy and abusive. There is a wide range in the middle: the unhealthy and not-so-great relationships, the at-risk ones, the ones with early signs of abuse. As Shalom Bayit grows in our capacity and broad reach, we want to be Shalom Bayit mourns the passing of helping people before they find themselves on the negative Barbara Casaretto, z’l

end of that spectrum. founding member of the Shalom Bayit collective in 1992

Why do we do this work? We recently learned that Barbara passed away 4/3/13 following treatment for cancer. She was a true light in We do this work, of course, for the women: the one in four the world, loved by all who knew her. We remember her Jewish women who are abused by an intimate partner. The as a woman of great dedication, perseverance and three women a day in the US who are murdered by their strength who helped spread much lovingkindness partner. The women who don’t believe they deserve better. throughout our community. And for the women who know they do – but just need a May her memory be for a blessing. helping hand to get out and make it on their own. But we also do this work for the children: the one in three Barb, we miss you. teens in an abusive relationship. The one in ten young teen

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Thank you! Donations & grants received JULY - DECEMBER 2013

Etz Chayim / Tree of Life Teddy & Bruce Schwab Mrs. Pearl Wolffs Susan & Mike Rancer $20,000+ Anne Shmitz & Aaron Kaufmann Mary Woten Michelle Ranes Klafter Lori Silverstein / Peninsula Beauty Rochelle & Simon Zak Janet Schneider Jewish Community Federation of Temple Sinai Social Action Committee Judy & David Schwartz San Francisco, the Peninsula, Madricha / Advocate: $108+ Michelle Zipse Adrienne & Martin Segol Marin, & Sonoma Counties Linda & David Altshuler Michael Silverman Gomelet Chesed / Benefactor: Mount Zion Health Fund Rosyland & Dr. Robert Bauer Anita L. Stapen Walter & Elise Haas Fund $180+ Evelyn Benas Betty & Donald Stone Wanyee Babitsky Voice of Hope: $10,000 + Marsha Lee & Norman Berkman Kate VanZanten Cantor Roslyn Barak, Ellen Bridging Peace Fund, Tides Foundation Linda Cantrell Sharon & Josh Weinberg Benjamin, Michelle Booth, Rivka Grossberg Abrams Foundation Rabbi Menachem Creditor / Alvin & Marilyn Winetrub Greenberg, Celia Harms, Linda Verizon Foundation Congregation Netivot Shalom Diane & Joshua Wirtschafter Kalinowski, Ellyn Kaschak, Laura Kay Daniels Marian Wolfe & Scott Scheffler Wings of Peace: $5,000+ Katz, Pam Kramer, Sandra Rabbi Michelle Fisher Lipkowitz, Rebecca Schwartz, Chaverah / Friend David B. Gold Foundation Donna Fogel Jewish Community Endowment Dana Sheanin, & Miriam Wolf Brenda Gates-Monasch Patricia Ackerman Newhouse Fund Anne & Michael Becker Talya Gates-Monasch Sandy Anderson Jewish Federation of the Greater Desmid Bendix Lyon Mitchell Gevelber Rabbi Melanie Aron East Bay Emily Blanck & Daniel Weiss Rabbi Jason Gwasdoff / Elaine & Bill Bachrach Michael Brozman Temple Israel Stockton Etan Basseri Healing Angels: $2,500+ Charles Schwab Foundation Hannah Hochstaedter Sherry Berkman Civic Foundation Susan & Bill Epstein Deborah & Craig Hoffman Betty & Jack Bernstein Erica N. Fono & Morry J. Katz Bonot Chalom / Lorraine Honig Linda Blachman Marianne & Herb Friedman Bonnie Kalbrosky Rachelle Blecher DreamBuilders: $1,000+ Rabbi Marvin Goodman & Ruth Krumbein Susan Blockstein Anonymous Deborah Kelman Sandra Lipkowitz Shirley Bob Michael Bien & Jane Kahn Stella & David Goodwin Alexis Milea & Jerry Derblich Maxene Bodin Anlee J. Brickman Jennifer & Eric Gorovitz Julia Olsen Chava Boyarin The Estate of Deborah Edelman Rivka Greenberg Josh Rawitch Art & Sheila Braufman Rosalie Eisen Marilyn Higuera Catherine & Fred Ross-Perry Robin Braverman Celia & Terry Harms Rabbi Irwin Huberman / Arlene Saidman Abby Caplin & Ami Goodman Linda & Tom Kalinowski Congregation Tifereth Israel Bonni & Steve Schiff Judith Carney Richard & Paola Kulp / Jewish Family & Children’s Services Rebecca Schwartz & Roger Feigelson Rabbi Ari Mark Cartun / Kulp-Oreffice Fund of JCEF EastBayJews of Jewish Federation of Ms. Roslyn M. Sholin Congregation Etz Chayim Susan Moldaw the Greater East Bay Barbara Shufro & David Steuer Richard Center Eva, Aaron & Ellie Roodman Rabbi Valerie Joseph Alicia Sullivan & Michael Baumstein Marcia & Jan Chaiken Jerome P. Subar Foundation Laura Katz Ilene Weinreb Rabbi Steven & Leona Chester Joshua Tal Kol Shofar Morning Minyan Sarah Weisman Diane Claerbout Shomeret / Guardian: $540+ Leslie Laskin Reese Elihu Welber & Jan Herr Congregation B'nai Emunah David Lee & Barbara Petterson Albert Nahman Plumbing Yavneh Day School Sisterhood Jo Anne & Hank Lerner Cantor Roslyn Barak / Judy & Mark Yudof Congregation Gan HaLev Barbara Loeb Linda Cox Myers & David Myers Congregation Emanu-El Ozeret / Supporter: $72+ Kate Lorig Naomi Booth Valerie Curtis & Naomi Tucker Marlene & Gadi Maier / Lillian Knell Lynn Altshuler Nanette & Richard Freedland Ruth Derblich Philanthropic Fund of JCEF Andi & David Arrick Christine Glastonbury, MD Hallie & Victor Dolcourt Annika Mandel Donita Decker Patricia R. Lurie Robin Dubner June McKay Mimi Ezray Harriet Prensky & Bill Pomeranz Sharron Emergui National Council of Jewish Women, Toni Fitzpatrick Robin Reiner & Fred Isaac Sheila & Philip Faillace San Francisco Section Barbara Freeman Rabbi Judy Shanks & James Gracer Rabbi Ted Feldman / Lory Pilchik Aimee Golant Suzanne Sims Woo B'Nai Israel Jewish Center Stacey & Keith Rabkin / Ronna Honigman Iris Sorokin Dan & Nina Fendel Peninsula Temple Beth El Roy Kaplan Tammy Ferman Chachamah / Wise One: $360+ Arline & Gary Radine Joanna Katz & Jeffrey Roth Helen Field

Contra Costa Jewish Day School Jan Cook Reicher Barbara Kirsch Leah Fine Sheila & Milton Fine / Aliza & Arik Rothman Labowitz Paul Kivel & Micki Luckey Sue Fishkoff The Fine Foundation Kathryn Rudman Wendy & Howard Kleckner Karen Flanders Ilana Gauss Rabbi SaraLeya Schley Deborah Lesser Susan & Rabbi Gordon Freeman Marsha & Ralph Guggenheim Samantha Sheanin Kate Loring & Bob Benjamin Leslie Friedman Rabbi Corey Helfand Arthur & Elizabeth Spander / Susan & Richard Lubeck Velia Frost Lily Kanter Newman Memorial Fund, East Bay Marissa Mirbach / Marissa's Ursula & Ernest Fruehauf Ellyn Kaschak, PhD Jewish Community Foundation Momery Fund of JCEF Judy Ganz Pam Kramer & Rich Sigberman Anne & David Steirman Elaine Moise Linda Gerard & Danny Grossman Nancy Miliken, MD Rochelle B. Weil Hiroko Nogami-Rosen / Gary Gerber & Kerry Hyman Rabbi Daniel J. Pressman / Kathy Williams Dayenu Judaica Ora Gittelson-David Rebecca & Rabbi Peretz Wolf-Prusan Pam & Albert Palitz Congregation Beth David —continued on p.4 Page 3 Donations, continued from page 3 Michael Goldstein & Debbie Gold Karen & Bruce Winkleman-Furman A VISIT FROM Dr. Erica Goode Wendy Winter RABBI ELLIOT DORFF Claudette Greenblat Miriam Wolf & Dani Moskowitz Anne Grenn Saldinger, PhD Women of Isaiah In February Shalom Bayit hosted two special events with Heather & Barton Grenning Nina Wouk & Pamela McDaniel / guest speaker Rabbi Elliot Dorff, nationally renowned scholar, Beth Grossman Palo Alto Rosh Hodesh Group author, and rabbinic authority on Jewish ethics Rabbi Chaya Gusfield & Gary & Linda Zellerbach Judith Dambowic Evening reception: As a thank you to our major supporters Susan Hamlin IN-KIND DONORS who make Shalom Bayit's programs possible, we were pleased Kathleen Heinze & Anthony Farrell to present this evening of lively Jean Henderson Anonymous conversation with Rabbi Dorff, hosted Joel & Helen Isaacson Julia Babka-Kurzrock & Family, and Nancy & Mark Jacobs the Cong. B'nai Tikvah 6th graders by Alan Levins at Littler Mendelson. Ruth Jaffe Berkeley Midrasha Rabbi Dorff spoke of the importance of Luanne Jenkins & Jody Adelberg Diane Bernbaum recognizing how we are all made in the Kitty Kameon Blankets of Kindness / Peninsula image of G-d, and have an obligation to Robin Keller, PhD & Temple Sholom protect ourselves and others from harm Mark Geliebter, MD Sue Blockstein because we are holy. He also discussed Marilyn Kinch Susie Cakes Beverly Kivel Congregation B’nai Emunah Sisterhood different forms of domestic violence Marilyn Kline Contra Costa Midrasha and community responses, particularly abuser accountability Rachel Krug Bill & Linda Deeb and both Jewish and secular illegality. Judith Kunofsky Lea Delson & Nishmat Shalom Elizabeth Landers Trish Elliott Rabbi Dorff was also the guest teacher at Shalom Bayit's Rabbi Yosef Langer / Entourage Salon & Spa Annual Rabbinic Advisory Council Meeting where he Chabad House of SF Marta Erlich & Steve Freedman discussed rabbinic responses to his teshuva (rabbinic policy Laurie Leiber Lori Fineman statement) on domestic violence. The teshuva was published in Marjorie Lentz Lily Forman Ellyn & Rachel Levinson Carmit Halpert his book, Love Your Neighbor and Yourself: A Jewish Approach Joyce & David Lewbin Brandy Higgins to Modern Personal Ethics. Our rabbis enjoyed his teaching Phyllis Lippe Elizheva Hurvich & colleagues at the and will be using his teshuva as the inspiration to discuss how Ruth Malkin Contemporary Jewish Museum local congregations can implement domestic violence policies. Phyllis Mandel Fred Isaac & Robin Reiner Ronnie Mannos JCC of the East Bay Ellen Mastman Tammie Jeung Elizabeth Mester Kabab Burger Barbara & Bob Morrison Judy Kitt An Alternative Dayenu for Your Rachelle Neshkes & Dorothy Leong Passover Seder (source unknown) Aaron Rosenfield Alan Levins Sandra Noack Sandy Lipkowitz & Friends Sometimes, we cannot say Dayenu, it would have been Jessi Norris Sharon Lipping enough. Women have the right to say, “No, this is not Lisi Norris Suzy Locke enough, I will not settle for this.” Linda & Christian Peacock Stacey Madrid Ms. Terry Pink Alexander Mckenzie River Corporation Sometimes, we wish we could say Dayenu. Barry Robbins Jennifer Miller What would be enough? Karen Robbins Elizabeth & Shawn Moyle Naomi Robinson Dena Myers & PJCC Kesher Families When women can make choices about our own bodies Judith Rogers & Peter Freedman NCJW Contra Costa / Rossmoor and our own lives, Dayenu. Merrylen Sacks & Bruce Irvine Seth & Lori Neumann When courts, law enforcement and mental health Linda Salmon Anne Nicolson Adam Schaffer Noah's Bagels professionals stop their victim blaming, Dayenu. Ilana Schatz Helen Patek When children do not have to witness violence, misogyny, or Jan Schmuckler Barbara Pearl & Family any abuse in the their own families, Dayenu. Amy Liza Schoenblum & Peet's Coffee Jonathan Carey Peninsula Temple Beth El Sisterhood When the Jewish community protects abuse survivors, Dana Sheanin Ronald C. Wornick Jewish Day School Dayenu. Ruth Sheidlower Round Table Tiffany Shlain Joël Rutsky When our voices are listened to and believed Richard & Susie Sorkin Bruce Saldinger & Lynn Royer without judgment or question, Dayenu. Charlene & Gerald Spielvogel Rebecca Schwartz When money and power can no longer protect abusers, Naomi & Bob Stamper Randi Shafton Joan Starreveld Roslyn Sholin & Congregation Kol Emet Dayenu. Rabbi Shula Stevens Calmann Iris Sorokin When the community focuses on stopping the abusers Carol Stone Michele Stafford instead of blaming us for staying, Dayenu. Diane Swanson Eve Sweetser & Alex Madonik Neal & Ilana Tandowsky Chad Thompson When Jewish law and secular law can guarantee women and Laura Tannenwald Emily Toch, M.D. children’s right to safety, Dayenu. Claire D. Taylor Trader Joe's When every Jewish woman can find Kevin Vickery Rochelle Weil Alice Webber & Stephen Tobias Marian Wolfe true shalom bayit, Dayenu. Susan Weber Women of Congregation Etz Chayim Betty Weinberg Women of Temple Isaiah Page 4 Honorary and Memorial Gifts, July - December 2013

Honorary Gifts In honor of Linda Kalinowski In honor of Naomi Tucker In memory of Annete Dobbs

In honor of Ellen & Jon Benjamin Michael Bien & Jane Kahn Cantor Roslyn Barak Marilyn Higuera Hiroko Nogami-Rosen Christine Glastonbury, MD Kate Loring & Bob Benjamin In memory of Anne Feld Jan Cook Reicher Sandra Lipkowitz In honor of Allan & Bevy Brodsky Celia & Terry Harms Gary & Linda Zellerbach Susan & Richard Lubeck Rabbi Steven & Leona Chester Rachelle Neshkes & Aaron Rosenfield In memory of Dorothy Garfield

In honor of Tom Kalinowski Ms. Terry Pink Alexander Rivka Greenberg In honor of Shama Chaiken Marcia & Jan Chaiken Rochelle B. Weil Rabbi Judy Shanks & James Gracer In memory of Victor Honig Betty & Donald Stone In honor of Laura Katz Lorraine Honig In honor of Leona Chester Mrs. Pearl Wolffs Jo Anne & Hank Lerner In honor of Naomi Tucker & In memory of Joseph Kahn Valerie Curtis Alicia Sullivan In honor of Pam Kramer Shalom Bayit Board of Directors Kate VanZanten Cantor Roslyn Barak Donita Decker In memory of Barbara Kaplan Alvin Winetrub Ellen Benjamin In honor of Linda Kurtz Michelle Booth Roy Kaplan Women of Isaiah Rina Zolotusky Abby Caplin & Ami Goodman Rivka Greenberg In memory of Ken Kinrich

Leslie Friedman Celia Harms Joshua Tal In honor of Rabbi Steven Chester Linda Kalinowski In honor of Amelia Prather Nahman Luanne Jenkins & Jody Adelberg Ellyn Kaschak In memory of Esther Weinstein Kline Annika Mandel Albert Nahman Plumbing Laura Katz Marilyn Kline

In honor of Reba Cohen In honor of Alexandra Rathbone Pam Kramer In memory of Mary Larson Shirley Bob Nina Wouk & Pamela McDaniel / Sandra Lipkowitz Naomi Booth Palo Alto Rosh Hodesh Group Rebecca Schwartz In honor of Zephira Derblich-Milea In memory of Eva Lokey In honor of Jan Reicher & Alex Alouf Dana Sheanin Ruth Derblich Miriam Wolf Susan Hamlin

Deborah Lesser Donna Fogel

In memory of Helen Nevin In honor of Eliana Tamar Roodman In honor of Lois Winkleman In honor of Zephira Derblich-Milea Karen Winkleman-Furman & Rivka Greenberg & John Ebel-Davies Mitchell Gevelber Bruce Furman In memory of Joel Oberstein Etan Basseri Ursula & Ernest Fruehauf

In honor of Christina Woo Rivka Greenberg In honor of all Shalom Bayit Clients In honor of Zephira Derblich-Milea Suzanne Sims Woo & Rivka Greenberg Marilyn Higuera In memory of Herman Pardes Diane & Joshua Wirtschafter Desmid Bendix Lyon In honor of Shalom Bayit

In honor of Danielle Elkins Staff & Board In memory of Vicky Prager Amy Liza Schoenblum & Jonathan Carey Rivka Greenberg Rivka Greenberg Memorial Gifts In memory of Milton Sigberman In honor of Yehuda Fine In honor of the Shalom Bayit Staff In memory of Allan Creighton Marjorie Lentz Rebecca Schwartz & Roger Feigelson Maxene Bodin Diane & Joshua Wirtschafter In memory of Henry & Walter Simon In honor of Estelle Gracer In honor of Fay Silverman In memory of Paul Curtis Beverly Kivel Betty Weinberg Ruth Jaffe Claudette Greenblat In memory of Marjorie Singer In honor of Annette Itkin In honor of Temple Sinai's 7th In memory of Linda Dannenberg Sandy Anderson Ellen Mastman Grade B'nai Mitzvah Class Diane Claerbout Anne Shmitz & Aaron Kaufmann

Love Shouldn’t Hurt on the national college scene

Since 2002 Shalom Bayit’s Love Shouldn’t Hurt youth workshops have reached THANK YOU TO 9,700 adolescents, young adults, parents of teens, and Jewish educators with dating violence prevention & healthy relationships education. OUR VOLUNTEERS One of the important branches of Love Shouldn’t Hurt is our work with college Sally Aelion Sandra Noack students through the network of Hillel campus organizations. As a companion to Valerie Curtis Miriam Reed Susan Werchick Davis Tatyana Rikhter our successful national curriculum, several years ago we created a college Dating John Ebel-Davies Robert Roth Violence Prevention/Education Toolkit which we now distribute to Hillel campuses Trish Elliott Janet Schneider nationwide. For the last three years we have partnered with the national offices of Lori Fineman Roberta Schwarz Hillel to train Hillel professionals on how to use our curriculum and toolkit, and how to Marilyn Hoffman Iris & Sam Sorokin support their students in having healthy relationships. Our successful partnership has Deborah Israel Alicia Sullivan brought Love Shouldn’t Hurt to 43 campuses since 2011, and has included trainings in Zara Jaffe Kate VanZanten Richard Krejci Alvin Winetrub Los Angeles, Chicago and Philadelphia. Thanks to the David B. Gold Foundation, NCJW Contra Costa Women of Isaiah Bridging Peace Foundation and a matching gift from the Jewish Funders Network, this Section Rina Zolotusky year we will continue the project with a training for Hillel professionals in Boston, as well as webinars accessible to Hillel professionals across the country.

To bring Love Shouldn’t Hurt to your synagogue or youth group, contact [email protected] Page 5 AROUND THE BAY...Announcements & Programs

Shalom Bayit A benefit for Shalom Bayit P.O. Box 10102 Celebrating 22 years of changing lives Oakland, CA 94610 www.shalom-bayit.org Featuring keynote speaker: www.love-shouldnt-hurt.org JOSHUA SAFRAN Phone: (510) 451-8874

Helpline: (510) 451-SAFE or (650) 574-SAFE ish List ~ Bay Area toll-free helpline: Grocery store (866) SHALOM-7 W and big box store gift cards, hair cut salon gift cards, gently used Rabbinic Advisory  suitcases, new towels,  queen sized bed and new Council May 14th, 2014 queen sized mattress. Menachem Creditor 6:15pm Corey Helfand Co-Chairs  At the Jewish Community Center of San Francisco Ruth Adar  Leslie Alexander Camille Angel  Melanie Aron Individual tickets: $150 Rafael Asher  Ryan Bauer  Don’t forget Allen Bennett  Josh Berkenwald There is still time to purchase tickets or sponsorships!  to send us Mark Bloom David Booth Go to: www.shalom-bayit.org/CreatingHope Shula Stevens Calmann  Ari Cartun those old Steven Chester  Yonatan Cohen Or call us for more info: 510-451-8874 David Cooper  Mychal Copeland cell phones, Judah Dardik  Lavey Derby iPods, & Aderet Drucker  Dennis J. Eisner Nat Ezray  Dan Feder  Ted Feldman  iPads Yitzchok Feldman  Joshua Fenton Carla Fenves  Stacy Friedman  You will be helping to provide Pam Frydman  George Gittleman Dan Goldblatt  Marv Goodman 911 emergency phones for Danny Gottlieb  Roberto Graetz battered women, and raising Sarah Graff  Nicki Greninger  Chaya Gusfield Jason Gwasdoff funds for Shalom Bayit too! Micah Hyman  Me’irah Iliinsky Debbie Israel  Margie Jacobs Burt Jacobson  Valerie Joseph

Yoel Kahn Stuart Kelman Dean Kertesz  Noa Kushner th Become a part of our Susan Leider Chai Levy  For current 8 graders and their parents

Sheldon Lewis  Michael Lezak life-changing work. Dana Magat  Harry A. Manhoff Sara Mason-Barkin Janet Marder Date: April 27, 2014 Sheldon Marder Help Shalom Bayit remain a Jacqueline Mates-Muchin Time: 10-1pm (teens only) lifeline for all who need us. Mark Melamut  Larry Milder Get involved. Donate. Alissa Miller Sydney Mintz 1-3pm (parents & teens in separate Katie Mizrahi  Philip Ohriner workshops) Volunteer. Tell your friends. Daniel Pressman  Howard Ruben Resolve conflicts peacefully. Elisheva Salamo  Julie Saxe-Taller 3-4pm (parents & teens together) Laurie Hahn Tapper Bring Shalom Bayit to your SaraLeya Schley  Avi Schulman  Location: Classroom Matters, Berkeley synagogue, school or Hugh Seid-Valencia  Miriam Senturia workplace. Encourage a friend Judy Shanks  Beth Singer Rebekah Stern  Andrew Straus or relative to call for help. Mimi Weisel  Eric Weiss  For more information or to register: Peretz Wolf-Prusan  Bridget Wynne [email protected] or 510.540.8646 

$75-125 sliding scale per family Advisory Board We can all take part in Cantor Roslyn Barak please inquire about financial aid Rivka Greenberg, PhD & discounts offered for referring a friend saving a life today. Linda Kalinowski Sandra Lipkowitz Miriam Wolf, LCSW

Honorary members: In-kind & financial contributions are fully tax deductible. Minouche Kandel, JD Please send your gift to “Tides Center / Shalom Bayit” at PO Box 10102, Oakland 94610 Pam Kramer or donate securely online at www.shalom-bayit.org Roselyne C. Swig Page 6