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Spring 1991 Gumbo Magazine, Spring 1991 Louisiana State University and Agricultural and Mechanical College

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Louisiana State University Spring 1991 There’s an IB M PS/2 made for every student body.

When you said you wanted an affordable mouse. Some selected models are preloaded computer, we listened. with Microsoft Word for Windows and Excel to And we responded. So, as a college student; help you create impressive papers, graphics and member of the faculty or staff you can now get spreadsheets. Also, great tools like a notepad, an IBM Personal System/2 Selected Academic calendar and cardfile are provided. Solution at a special price. What's more, the IBM PS/2 Loan for Learning You'll find that all the PS/2 Selected Aca­ is also available to help make paying for your demic Solution have preloaded DOS 4.0 and PS/2 easier. Microsoft Windows 3.0, a color display and a Visit the LSU Union Bookstore or contact an IBM Collegiate Representative for a demonstration. 1-800-222-7257.

‘ This offer to available only to qualified college students, faculty and staff members that purchase IBM Selected Academic Solutions through participating campus outlets or IBM 1 800 222-7257 or participating IBM Authorized P C Dealers. Orders are subject to change and IBM may withdraw the offer at any time without written notice. “ Word for Windows and Excel are the Academic Edition. IBM, Personal System/2 and PS/2 are registered trademarks of International Business Machines Corporation. Microsoft is a registered trademark o f Microsoft Corporation. Windows, Word forWindows andExcel aretrademarks ofMicrosoft Corporation. LSU

TABLE OF CONTENTS

l i b r a r y Cover Story LIVING WITH AIDS 4 Kathy Brister examines die trials of coping with AIDS and the possibility of AIDS at LSU.

F e a tu r e s FROM A FEMALE'S POINT OF VIEW 9 Paula Dale reflects on her feminine thoughts during a bath. IN LSU WE TRUST 11 Does research prosper at the expense of education? Robert Wolf finds out PARKING ON CAMPUS 15 Lori Kimball and Garilyn Ourso take us on tour of the submarine race sites on campus over the years. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION 24 Paige Dronet uncovers spontaneous combustion and other mysteries. L A S C 2 7 Stephanie Spielman explores the Louisiana Arts and Science Center. WHAT IS THE BIG BUDDY PROGRAM 30 Paula Dale examines the benefits of the Big Buddy program. LOVE CONNECTION: THE LOST PILOT EPISODE 33 Garilyn Ourso Productions presents the original episode of the popular dating game. W HAT YOUR PARENTS NEVER TOLD YOU ....O R D I D T H E Y ? 3 6 Pat Kelly goes cm a flashback tour of activities on the LSU campus over the decades.

Departments

C a le n d a r UNION SPRING EVENTS 18

A r t THE SCULPTURE PROGRAM AT LSU 20 Ivy Restitute looks at the strengths of the newly reorganized LSU sculpture department.

E d i to r ia l CUTTING THE CLICHES 23 Wendy Yvonne Lavender examines the nature of difficulties between men and women.

F ic tio n I , E V E 4 0 A fairy tale by fiction contest winner, Ronlyn Domingue. WRITER PROFILES

Kathy Brister, the writer of the cover story, is a Lori Kimball, a senior majoring in general senior in news-editorial journalism. She keeps studies, wrote the parking spots story in 1987 (it busy with her writing, her job and school. In her was updated by Garilyn Ourso). Lori is a Chi sparse free time she enjoys shopping at resale Omega alumna. shops and traveling. Garilyn Ourso, our humorist-in-residence, was Paula Dale, a Gumbo regular, is a broadcast a creative writing major who graduated this past journalism major who is minoring in Theatre. December. Due to poverty, she currently sup­ She will graduate (we hope) in May and plans to ports herself by collecting shoe tongues and enter the real world without losing her sense of selling them to leather wholesale shops. humor. Iv y Restitute is an interior design major. She is Paige Dronet, a first-time contributor, is a a first-time contributor to the magazine. Because creative writing major minoring in Spanish. She of her interest in the arts, she enjoyed research­ plans to go to graduate school in broadcast ing the sculpture story. journalism. Robert Wolf is a junior in journalism major Pat Kelly, another first-time contributor, is a with a minor in history. He enjoys cooking, psychology major with interests in art, music biking and playing the drums. This is his first and theatre. She is currendy a second-semester contribution to the magazine, and he is looking freshman who’s gotten off to a flying start with forward to writing for the Gumbo next semester. her well-researched flashback story. -J

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2 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 LSU STUDENT

GUMBO HEALTH CENTER P u b lis h e r LSU Office of Student Media "W e C are For You"

E d ito r M edical Clinics • X - R a y Wendy Yvonne Lavender Hours: M-F 8:00-5:00 • Laboratory Managing Editor Sat. 8:00-11:30 a.m. • P h a r m a c y T ro y K ing Information: 388-6271 •Specialty Clinics Appointments: 388-6716 Design Editor Dave Curley

Copy Editors M ental H ealth Service Allison Farr, Ann Cowden, Lolita Johnese, Hours: M-F 8:00-4:30 Mary Cummings, Tina Thompson Margaret Ponder Appointments: 388-8774

Design Assistants W ellness Program Courtney Coats Health Education Todd Palisi Hours: M-F 8:00-4:30 Illustrators Information: 388-6271 Danley Romero Lauren Young

Photographers Wayne "Gonzo" Schexnayder DELTA W OM EN'S CLINIC S teve F ran z Louisiana's FIRST Health Care Center Ad Representative Devoted Exclusively to the Needs of WOMEN George Laughlin We Offer Personalized, Quality Services Consultant And A Caring Stall! P at Parish • Abortions to 20 Weeks • Routine GYN Services Contributors • TWILIGHT SLEEP • Social Services & Physician Referrals Kathy Brister, Paula Dale, Lori Kimball, • Pregnancy Testing (Blood • Assure ConfidenUality Garilyn Ourso, Paige Dronet, Stephanie and Early Urine Tests) • Pregnancy & Birth Control • Ultrasound Spielm an, P a t K elly, Iv y R estituto, Counseling • Reasonable Fees Wendy Yvonne Lavender, Ronlyn • Birth Control & Domingue, Kristina Jeansonne, Lonnie Family Planning Camaggio, Mindy Stichweh IMMEDIATE APPOINTMENTS The Gumbo Magazine is written and edited by DELTA W OMEN'S CLINIC students of Louisiana State University. The opin­ ions expressed in the articles are those of the au­ thors and do not necessarily represent the views of the editor^ I magazine Department of Student Media, or the University. Gumbo Magazine is not. NEW ORLEANS BATON ROUGE connected with the M anship School of Journalism. 1406 St. Charles Ave. 4829 Bennington Ave. 581-2250 9 2 3 -3 2 4 2

m a g a z i n e Toll Free in La. 1-800-551-9340 Volume 2 Issue 2 Spring 1991 Spring 1991 G u m b o M agazine 3 Copvright Gumbo M agazine

IDS is a stranger to most college First, Al had to study the enemy, to learn Ac a m p u s e s . about the creature that was eating away at Not because the disease hasn’t infiltrated his immune system. the robust bodies of people of collegiate age “I was so naive that I didn’t even know - mgre than 500 cases of people with AIDS there was a difference between an HIV- a ge 20 to 29 were reported in Louisiana by positive person, a person with AIDS-related August of 1990 - but because students with complex and a person with full-blown AIIDS usually stay silent about their sick- AIDS ,” Al said. ness, or quit school. There are differences. B u t this wasn’t the way it happened with Al. HIV infection has four phases, according to Keeling’s report. Al tested HIV positive during his last year When a person is initially infected with of graduate school. He was not a student at HIV, he may have flu-like symptoms for a L$U, but he could have been. , few days. However, he will feel healthy According to a report presented by Dr. again. An infected person may not test Richard Keeling to the American College positive for HIV for three years. Health Association in February, a campus The second phase occurs when the person with 20,000 students may have an average actually tests positive for the disease. of 36 to 44 students who are HIV positive. Months or years may go by before a per­ With more than 25,000 students, LSU is son reaches the third stage of the disease, likely to haye a greater number of students symptomatic AIDS-related complex. A who are infected with the disease. person with ARC is weakened by an im­ In October of last year, Al’s doctor, a mune system that is deficient in fending off family friend of fifteen years, hesitantly told viruses, infection and disease and may often him hewasHIV positive. be sick. “When you hear it, you just drop like a The final phase is the advanced HIV dis­ lead weight, you know. But I think I was ease, or AIDS. A person with AIDS may prepared for it,” Al said more than a year live for months or years in the advanced after his war with AIDS began. stage. The HIV positive test only confirmed Al's Education is currently the best weapon for suspicions. He had been feeling unusually fighting the disease. tired and had had a rash that would not go away. On campus, the Gay and Lesbian Student Alliance works to educate its members and "If y o u ’re a gay male in today’s society, the public about AIDS and its prevention. you figure you’ll be exposed to it sooner or GLSA is most visible during registration, later’ he commented. distributing information to students on AIDS Unlike some of his friends who had con­ and safer sex practices. tracted the disease, Al did not go through a “We attempt to make students aware, but period of denial. mainly the attitude is ‘I can’t get this, I’m “I accepted it immediately and started to immune.’ This is not unusual for kids the work on what I had to do to stay alive,” he age of those first starting here at LSU,” said. president of GLSA Steven Ransome said. it is imperative that the group distribute with the disease. AI will soon be die man­ tests. and X-rays. AIDS information at every available oppor- ager of a p r o gram called The Living Room, After he waited for more than 20 hours, 'tunityt GLSA member Lori Jones said. | which will provide a gathering place for the hospital refused to admit him because he "You have to continually keep reminding people -with AIDS. did not have shortness of breath and was not and keep educating people - keep making Be is also forming a New Orleans branch coughing up blood. Al said. tbem aware that you can’t become compla­ o f " Actors With A I D S - a w a r e - Because so many people come into Char­ i n t : about AIDS.” she s a i d . ness theatrical program that has been suc- ity Hospital's emergency room, the staff Education is also important for those who . cessful on stage in New York. must judge individual cases for severity and have the disease. Al said "Actors With AIDS" is well suited take care of those people who are in the mostserious conditions, headnurseErin Burks People with AIDS must learn how to take for people with AIDS, because it provides a care of themselves, Al said, and not rely creative outlet without the demands of regu- s a id . solely on their doctors or nurse-practio­ lar theatrical work. Since most of the pro- It is not unusual for patients to wait as long ners. They must learn that they can live with grams involve .monologues, an actor who is as Al did and patients who are walking and the disease, he said. sick does not have to perform, and the show talking, even if they have a high fever, are “I think a lot of people succumb to this will go on.| often considered to be routine cases by the d isease because they have no hope and they Although Al has adjusted well to living hospital, Burks said. give up," he said. with AIDS, he discovered acceptance of the Al found out later that the hospital's re­ Al refused to yyield to AIDS and changed disease did not come easily for some of fusal was a blessing in disguise. Hospitals his way c f life in order to stay alive. th o se close to him. are high-risk areas for people with AID S I ' ve become more health-conscious by Many people cannot get over their fear of because they are areas of opportunistic in­ necessity Y0u have to quit drinking, I mean, this disease, and that makes it difficult for fection. you really have to give up all of the vices that those who have AIDS, even if they are During his battle with pneumonia, Al was you enjoyed before. willing to accept it, be said. often so sick that he could not lift his head party,"hesaidlaughingly. “It takes a lot of energy to go out and “I did go through a period o f rage. I was from the pillow. His temperature went u p very-angry - mostly because of the different and down like a roller coaster. He suffered treatment I was getting from people." from insomnia, and when he could sleep, he One friend, who was also HIV-positive, was sometimes plagued with sight sweats. turned away fr ont him. “There was a period when I was so de­ T h is particular person was in a terrible pressed, I thought I was going io die. state of denial and could offer no supportbecause ofit.state of denial and could offer no supportbecause " Y o u think people would, rally around you and support you, but apparently the attitude toward this disease is quite different When you get diagnosed with it, you get ignored.’’ And when he did receive some attention, it was equally discouraging. An article in a local newspaper reported that Al, once an active member of the New Orleans theatrical community, had died, Upon hearing of his death, Al called the writer to let her know she had been mis­ taken. "I told her, 'It's going to take more than a fatal disease to kill me, ’” Al said with a grin. A s soon as he was able to get out of bed, A l forced himself to exercise to restore

6 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991

Al has been taking AZT five times a day since February. The drug has made him anemic, but he said it has also helped him to hold his ground against the disease. “I don’t know chemically what it has done to my body, but I have been feeling better since Ibegan taking it," he said. After he was diagnosed, Al remained committed to school and finished his thesis, although he became seriously ill in March. Since he graduated with a masters in theater in August, he has kept busy with volunteer work, mostly to benefit others "Som etimes friends desert you,” Al said, with AIDS. with a momentary sadness in his voice. He currently volunteers at a food bank " What’s funny about friends is they'll get which serves about 250 people with AIDS angry a t you for getting sick.” in the New Orleans area. The food bank is H ow ever, A l did have the support of bis designed to supplement the food stamps that family. Unlike the parents of many others he m any people with AIDS depend upon.It alsoprovidesasupportsystemforthosemany people with AIDS depend upon.It knows who have contracted the disease, Al's parents had accepted his homosexual- ity long before he tested positive for HI V . Last spring, Al needed that support. He had atwo-monthboutwith pneumonia that left him weak and depressed.

Al went to Charity Hospital with a 105-degree fever, and they began running blood strength to his debilitated body. He had just moved into anew apartment, so he occupied his time with getting it in order. “The energy that you lose is just so incred­ ible. Sometimes I wouldn’t have the energy to brush my teeth or stand up long enough to shave, but I would make myself get up and unpack boxes. I might be able to handle half a box, then I would have to go and sit down for half an hour. “Finally I started to come back to the land of the living, and things slowly got better and better,” he said, After recuperating he began the volunteer work that he has grown to love. “It made me feel so alive to help other people. It really brought me out of the de- pression and anger I was feeling. “Everyone needs to learn to appreciate his life, and to do what good he can with what­ ever time he has left.” Al thinks that the media is responsible for disheartening many people with AIDS. The papers don’t give them any hope, so they give up, he said. In his opinion, the media should report more positive stories about AIDS - not just abo ut people dying with AIDS, but aboutpeople livingwiththedisease. about people dying with AIDS, but aboutpeople

surveillance report released by the Louisi­ But anyone who is sexually active or is an ana Department of Health and Hospitals intravenous drug user is atrisk. reports more than 3,500 U.S. cases of women “This virus doesn’t have any bigotry. It with AIDS age 20 to 29. will infect everyone," he said. The heterosexual community has ignored "Although he watches more and mor e this disease for too long, and many of their people around him become acquainted with attitudes toward AIDS can be attributed to the deadly stranger, Al refuses to give in. the press reporting it as a gay disease, he He continues to battle the enemy, and has said. resigned himself to living with AIDS.

"The media sometimes calls people with AIDS ‘victims’, and that’s not a fair word to use. We're not victims, but people tend to look at us like that." M ore positive stories are visible now, because of recent medical advances in the treatment of AIDS, he said. "Treatments in the past year have im­ proved so greatly that it is no longer a death warrant as soon as you get diagnosed.” But that doesn’t mean that the enemy isn’t out there. Through hiswork at the food bank, Al h a s seen the number of women coming in for help increase markedly. The figures back up Alrs claims. An August latex

or no sex

OFN O TA CHOICE M U C H

With increasing numbers of people becoming infected with socially com­ municable diseases, the design staff of the Gumbo Magazine strongly suggest the use of condoms. While not being the most comfortable or convenient of practices, PRACTICING WITHOUT a condom COULD KILL YOU! F ro m A F e m a le 'sPoint of View Fromof A Female'sPoint story by paula dale

Why is it you only run your panty hose putting them on? Whose idea was the "thong"?

While soaking in a warm b ubble bath trying to relax, to escape the agonies of PMS and to stop worrying about my last year in college, these thoughts occurred to me. Perhaps some others can relate: First, why is it you only run yourpantyhose on...a.themputtingwhenisaboutfirstdateyouyourtopickup?b.you'verunningforboughtwork?c.you'relate a s i z e B, but

should

have gotten queen size? d. when you

think you've almost got them on, you do the final plie to get those suckers up...and they rip? And why isyour hairalwaysit looks terrific yournightbeforethe big date? thescrubbingYou're kitchen floor looking ravishing, but come date nate,you'djustas soon cancel.

Why do thinkWhymen women with tans are sexy? Who designs that piece of women's lingerie called the "teddy"? Spring 1991 Gumbo Magazine 9 Why is it when your house or apartment is incredibly clean no one but the exterminator sees it?

Oh, and if bikinis w eren't bad hate right after you've managed enough for women to try and to finish a killer aerobics class, look semi-appropriate in. Whose your ha ir is greasy and in a pony idea was the ‘ thong'? You know tail which is now on the side of that 1/2 inch piece o f material your head, and you've got no that goes up your behind and is trace of make up left? called a ’ swimsuit.' (yea h, right) And why is it when your house or Which brings me to my next ques- apartment is incredibly clean no tion. Why do men think women one but the exterminator sees it? with tans are sexy? When you But when it's a disaster during fi­ finally achieve that goddess tan, nals or a tough week at work, they tell you how bad it is for you your mother and the whole gang and how stupid it is to lay in the stops by. sun. (I don't know) W hy is it when you go to get your How about this one? Why is it h air cut, the stylist tells you to when you finally get your hair bring a picture of what you'd Iona short hair comes back in like, so you bring a picture of style? Paulina or Elie McPherson? (like you're really going to walk out And why do you always meet looking like them) men who like older women when you're young and men who like And why does your gynecologist younger women when you're call you from the waiting room, old? (think about that one) only to have you get undressed and lay with your feet up in stir­ This one kills me. Who designs rups until he comes back 45 that p iece of women's lingerie minutes later to examine you? (I called the 'teddy'? I mean who mean, there could be a fire or are these things made for? They you could be finishing that ar­ can only fit someone 5'9 or taller ticle on how to make a better with a 37 inch chest and legs to casserole). her neck. Finally, but by no means lastly, Another one that bugs me. Why (it's just that the water is getting dc you always run into your ex­ cold) why do all the bubbles lover, a prospective mate or an disappear after only a few min­ old school acquaintance you utes?

Why do all the bubbles disappear after only a few minutes?

10 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 IN storyLSU by robert wolf I nWE t h e last twenty years, TRUST... LSU has graduates.” taken on the mission of being a leading LSU is no exception. The univer­ research university. We have several out­ sity is slowly but surely climbing the standing research facilities, such as the ladder of academic status. Funding for Center for Advanced Microstructures and the roughly 800 projects on campus has Devices which started construction ear- grown from $16 million in 1983 to nearly lier this year, Pennington Biomedical $55 million now. Research Center which sits half vacant Each year the university becomes because of lack of funds, and the Com­ more competitive in research by acquir­ puter Aided Design /Geographic Infor­ ing more grants. But is LSU really mak- mation Systems which produce some ol ing progress? the best high-resolution computer graph­ The university is engaged in re­ ics in the world. search wars with every other university It seems that the university has beer that actively seeks grants. Theproduc- caught up in the ever-rising tide of com­ tion of knowledge has overshadowed the petition that is flooding the nation’s re­ dissemination of knowledge on many search universities. campuses. For a university to prosper, it must produce new technology. Its professors And according to Sean McGlynn. must be researchers as well as instructors. Universities must adhere to the “publish otperish” philosophy to compete. Unfor- tunately, when professors publish, some times it’s the students who perish. LSU is only a part of a nationwide trend that has left the undergraduate student occasionally ignored by pro- fessors who are more interested in their research. Criticism from all directions lashes out at the current state of our university system. According to the Washing- ton Post, Stanford University president Donald Kennedy spoke critically of the current state of undergraduate instruction on his campus. The Post quotes Kennedy as say­ ing to a facultycion that council, we have "Therelost focus is in a designingsuspi- and delivering a well-planned, challeng- ing and inspiring education to our under­ designated LSU as a Research Institu- “Grant money is very scarce, but it tion in 1987. It was official, and the uni­ pays for most of our research,” she said. versity was well on its way to being an “So researchers must be more aggressive integral part of the scientific commu- in obtaining contracts. It's all very time- n i ty. consuming," added Barkley, who is also teaching chemistry.freshman The faculty gives a clear sign "I don't think that LSU would be that research is apriority. In­ what it is without grants,” she said. creased funding for re- Many facultyargue that research is search is directly attrib- a vital component of a university. “A uted to diligent pursu i t college is a place of instruction only," of grants and contracts saidthe vice-chancellor of research. “But by professors. But that a university is both a place of research consumes a lot time and a place of learning. And LSU is a uni-versity." and may distract teachers from helping stude n t s .

Teaching takes up a lot of t ime and breaks up your day,” Said Phil Adams, assistant professor of physics. “Making exams, grading exams, and preparing for vice time consuming - and you do not get c h a n - cellor of re­ promoted for teaching,’’he added. Adams, search, the university needs to who specializes in low-temperature phys- take greater strides to acquire ics, says that he spends three hours pre­ more grants and contracts. “For such a paring for each lecture. large institution, we are a rather weak re- Adams seems to echo the senti- search university,” he said. ments of many other professors on cam­ “LSU does not bring in nearly pus. Research, and not the students, isthe enough grants to function at an optimum driving forc e on campus. level,” added the vice chancellor. “Our department is research ori- The College of Basic Sciences ented,” said John Drilling, professor of brings in the most money. This year the astronomy. “While we do take teaching college collected $16 million for 227 seriously, it’s publish or perish in this projects, according to Peter Rabideau, department. It’s tough, but we m u st dean of the college. achieve, and that’s life.” T he number of points for research brings in a hefty sum each year. “The outnumbers the number of points for engineering faculty are bringing in more t eaching,” said Lawrence Rouse, a physi-. money now because the department heads cal oceanographer who has been at LSU1972. since are placing greater emphasis on research,” ...... said Edward McLaughlin, dean of engi­ Wbenit comes to promotion tim e, neering. “Twenty yearswas toago, teach, he added.To thethe delight of professors mission and ad-ministrators, the Carnegie Foundation t eaching gets the short end of the stick." Other adm inistrators Competition for research grants and a g Socolofsky, r e e a professor .Marion of contracts has become very stiff, said Mary microbiology and the department head, Barkley, a professor of chemistry. says that "Research in a university is a necessary evil - it has to be done. Without grant money we could not function. “The bottom fell out of oil and we are trying to do too much with too few fatuity and facilities. It’s all a real dis- service to th e stu d e n ts ," a d d e d Socolofsky. He also said, "The students are the life blood of the university, but research is where you get renewal of knowledge."He has taught almost 10,1000 students in30 years at LSU. N icholas F isher,

professor of or­ ganic chemistry, added that "students learn from the cutting edge o f technol­ ogy. The best way to serve oar students is to have the most advanced equipment at their disposal. It is expensive and grants. are the only way to pay for it. The university does not completely ignore its undergraduate students, but the aspirations of being a leading research university may have swept them aside. However, students as well as adiministra- ,

tors expect professorsa lot from claim professors.Some they are overburdened by the double demands. a professor’s instruction. It does not touch with his field.” even ask applicants to list awards won Many professors and administra­ for outstanding teaching. tors feel that research and undergraduate John Baptista, a recent graduate education go hand in hand. They take the from the Massachusetts Institute of position that research enhances scholar­ Technology, said, “I came to LSU to ship. set up a research project. My teaching “A professor must stay abreast of abilities have not been tested, bu t th e his field because technology doubles university wasn’t concerned with that.” every five years,” explained McGlynn. But in defense of promotion poli- “If a professor does not keep up with his "Everyone cies, Richard Avent, chairman of the civil field, he will only know one-half of what in my depart- engineering department said that teacher he should. In ten years, he will only know ment puts in over eight hours every evaluations are an important factor. one-quarter of what is know n. And in day,” said Oscar Huh, a member of the "Teacher evaluations usually re­ fifteen years,” added McGlynn, “ he will Coastal Studies Institute. “We are-ex- flect students’ level of satisfaction with only know one-eighth of his field.” pected to make time for everybody, " the-instructor because students start Ron Siebling, professor ofmicro- George Stanley, a chemistry pro- coming through that door with com- biology, said that teaching is influenced fessor, said, ‘'We have responsibilities in plaints,” he added. by research. several different areas. We must teach, Many professors believe the best “It’s easy to just u se last year’s conduct research and provide commu- researchers make the best teachers. “A notes,” said Siebling, "But to be an effec­ nity service. It’s tough on young non-ten- non-research university does not get re­ tive teacher you must stay on top of ured professors because they must pro­ searchers who are passionately involved things, and in a non-research university, duce quality research if they are to suc­ in their field," said William Pryor, a pro­ instructors can fall behind . " ceed.” fessor of organic chemistry. Many teachers cite die hands-on Many professors cite their unspo­ Jim Roche, a professor of geology,agrees. approach learning a s the best tool for ken duties as a cause of job stress. learning, and research grants make pos­ “It’s the thousands of little things " I fully support the contention that sible what the state may not fund. that I have to do that take up so much the best researchers are the best teach- “Scholarship and higher education time” said Fisher. These extra ers," said Roche. “Research are synonymous,” said Bar- duties are not noticed keeps the mind ac­ kley. “Students, such unless they go undone; then somebody tive and allows as theunder- notices,” he added. Other professors a professor g ra d u a t e s agree. to keep who as- "Community service is a big part i n s i s t o f our job,” said Roy Dakka, a professor of geology. “I get phone calls all of the time from the community. A woman called me the other day and asked if we are expecting an earthquake in early November. I told her no.” W h e n it comes to promotion time, research carries the clout. Teaching is hardly considered. The Standardized Bio - graphical Data Sheet forhardly promotion considered. The Standardized and Bio- system does not even evaluate a profes-

sor’s ability to teach. Not a single ques- tion on the sheet pertains to the quality of the graduate students in the lab, learn by try department and the College of Agricul- doing. As a teacher, my job is to get the ture are currently discussing changes in ball rolling.” curriculum to adapt to a changing world.The Collegeofengineering hasjust LSU is painfully underfunded by the state. Much of the new laboratory set up two titled professorships dedicated equipment, faculty members, and gradu- t o excellence in undergraduate teaching ate programs are funded through grants The college hopes to promoteteaching for research. McLaughlin said research is merit as well as scholarship. a way: for the university to have what it David Wetzel, an associate profes- normally could not. sor of chemical engineering and a holder “Thanks to computers bought with of one of the titled professorships, ac- grant money,” he said, “Undergraduates knowledges the importance of undergradu- in engineering have 24-hour ac­ ate teaching. cess, 365 days a year, to comput­ “I have submitted over $500,000 in ers originally bought grant proposals,” he said, “But I am a for research.” better teacher than a researcher. I try to get the students to think analytically. I want Barkley also them to understand that what they are noted that “the learning is important and relevant from facilities on cam­ here on out . " pus are inade­ And Roche, who was invited to LSU quate for today’s to direct the geology field camp, said that research. Grants he came here under the stipulation that he allow us to ac­ does not have to do research."It'salmost quire equip­ embarrassing not to conduct research on a ment, person­ college campus,” he said, nel, and stu­ """"Many teachers would like to be let dents who off the teaching hook because teaching is would nor­ not as valued as scholarly achievements," mally go to he adde d .' other " But I prefer to teach." schools to As a recipient of the 1990 L SU study,” she Alumni Association Distinguished Fac- added. ulty award and the 1990 Burlington-North- ern Excellence In Teaching award, he feels “Grants do it is his duty to inspire students about the directly w onders of science. benefit the students,” "A universityiswhatthefaculty said Siebling.

money is allo- cated to labs for teaching so I take re­ search equipment and use it in class, "

The news i not all grim and there are a few bright spots. The chemis­

decides it is ” said Dakka, a structural ge­ ologist. "LSU is out learn ing new things and preparingpeople for the future. If. we didn’t do research, we wouldn’t know a nything|new,” he added. It’s a rat race pursuit of knowledge and higher learning. Professors claim that r e search is the heart of a| univer -

sity and administrators know that bothare necessary. sity and administrators know that bothare Parking at LSU hasn’t changed much through out the years. True, students of yore have also held faith in the fan­ tasy that the number of parking spots is directly proportional to the number of drivers in the student body. But we’re not talking here of parking your car and getting out; w e’re talking of parking your car and staying in.

b y lori kimball and garilyn ourso Let’s go back several decades, For anyone unfamiliar with late that LSU police are aware that parking say, before Madonna grabbed hers and night parking and the surprise guests exists and try to stress parking where Elvis shook his. Back when playing this event entices, what would a little there are patrols and other people around. snuggle bunnies in the dorm room was imtimate nuzzling be without die pres­ ‘P eople have parked on the lake illegal but playing doctor in the back ence of your friendly neighborhood law a c ro s s seat was not. W hat's a frisky couple to enforcement representative? Ashley from do? Kleinpeter, who attended LSU from In the early 1940s, the place to 1973 through 1977, provides insight to go, according to Cecil Caldwell, an 1970’s parking, which proved to be LSU student in 1940 and 1941, was something of “a problem.” “the Point” on Dalrymple Drive. “People would walk up to the car, knock on the window and ask for di­ rections. It was a joke to try and park there.” After migrating to Highland It w as christened Road Park, Kleinpeter discovered that soon the police were knocking "Passion Point,... on windows and they weren’t ask­ the place to go ing for directions. She remem­ bers encountering one police* sm oochin' with man who knew her date’s fa­ ther. y o u r d a t e ” “It doesn’t seem like a big deal now,” she said, “but at the time we were both totally embarrassed. Caldwell was known as “mom” After that inci­ at the Chi Omega sorority house at dent, we moved LSU, where she was housemother for to the area of eight years and is now at the Phi Mu Brightside and house. w e also parked on a field “Back then,” Caldwell said, (now a parking lot) by “Baton Rouge was not that big and there the stadium. were only a few houses out there on the W hat does other side of Dalrymple.” the law enforcement “We parked on that jut of land segment have to say across the street from them, but it wasn't in defense of its in­ that big, so you had to get there early to terfering with true get a good spot. Everybody used to ride love running ram­ by to see who was there,” she said. pant? Captain Another prime parking spot was Connie Swain, a the area LSU students now call the 21 year veteran Parade Grounds, Caldwell said. She of the LSU Po­ insists that she never went there herself, lice Depart­ but heard that couples were “all over,” ment recalls Like all traditions, parking that in the continued to flourish in popularity for 1970s, people the next decade of hormone enthusiasts. parked “all Doris Dean, a 1951 LSU graduate and o v er cam - wife of Athletic Director Joe Dean re­ pus,” creat­ calls fond memories. ing a prob- It was christened “Passion le m . H e Point,... the place to go smoochin’ with your date.”

G u m b o M ag azin e Spring 1991 the agriculture bams for years. We would see anything suspicious we’ll check it down Dalrymple, she said, “one girl much rather have them parked in that out,” he said. “We’ve never taken any­ pointed at a piece of land that jutted into location where we know they are there one in for parking.” the lake and told me that is where they and they know we are there than have Whilst some past parkers have waited for the ferry.” something happen to them while had their share of interfering visitors, She believed the girts and did parking in a remote there have been reported cases of lip not realize that they were showing her area. We won’t lock artists practicing their trade in popular parking place. bother anyone complete and ideal serenity. Carolyn “For the longest time I believed if we see a Moore, a 1963 LSU graduate and wife a ferry really did cross that lake,” she male and a of former U.S. Rep. Henson Moore said said. And another female is wooed by female in they parked on the residential side of the undying persuasion of a male indes- the car, University Lake. but if “A good bit of people parked we there and the police were very lenient about couples parking; they wanted Som ehow, "going young people to have a place to go. “A girl was expelled from to the subm arine school if caught at a man’s apartment, races" progressed so we put the parking area around the lakes to good use,” she added. to "listening to his “Henson gave me his fraternity cool CD system " pin while we were parking at the lakes before a party. I wore it all night. To this day, whenever I drive by that spot I still remember that wonderful night,” perate need of car quality time. she said. Monique Robichaux was intro­ Urban myths duced to parking at LSU as a freshman that surround late night in 1987. “I met a guy at a party and he auto dwelling are numerous. asked me if I had ever seen the lake,” Somehow, “going to watch she said. the submarine races” By the time she realized what seems to have progressed lake he was talking about, she was sit­ into “listening to his cool ting in his car facing the back of her C.D. system.” dorm. H elen G o r­ “It’s pretty funny when I think don, dean of women about it because my dorm room faces at LSU from 1947 that lake and I see it every morning through 1967, when I wake up,” Robichaux added recalled when a with a giggle. group of stu­ As with athletics, academics dents showed and the arts, our university is one which her around strives for elevated placement in the campus af­ competitive world that surrounds us. ter she’d And yet again, LSU can boast notable first ar­ ranking. Leave it to the investigative rived. talents of persistent students of this As campus to leave no stone unturned nor t h e y plot of land unviolated when it comes to tra v ­ the fine and delicate art of window eled fogging.

Spring 1991 G u m b o M agazine SPRING JANUARY January 8 January 22 February 6 Orientation Final date for adding courses Black Culture Committee Special Fea ture: Julian Bond 8 pm, Feliciana January 9 January 23 LSU Union Leisure Class Registration Fasion Committee Pre-tryout Seminar: February 7 Room 304, Program Dept. Room 323, Fashion Committee Modeling 6 pm, Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana Crafts Center Cotillion Ballroom February 7 January 9-11 January 24 Film: Prick Up Your Ears 7 & 9:10 pm REGISTRATION - SPRING 1991 Film: Hot Water, Saftey Last 7 & 8:50 Colonnade pm,' Colonnade ______January 13 -18 February 11-13 Prolific Art Galleries Print Sale 9 am - 6 January 25 Mardi Gras Holiday Cont.'s through pm Feliciana Cont.’s through January Film: The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and February 13, 12:30 18 Her Lover 7 & 9:25 pm, Colonnade January 14 February 14 CLASSES BEGIN Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana International Committee Welcome Dance January 17 9 pm -12 midnight Atchafalaya February 14 F ilm: The Last Picture Show 7 & 9:20 Film: The Thief of Bagdad 7 & 9:15 pm pm, Colonnade January 27 - February 1 Colonnade Trent Graphics Print Sale 9 am - 6 pm January 18 Feliciana Cont.’s through February 1 February 15 LSU School of Art Graduate Student Great Performances: The Two Gentle Show Reception, 7 - 8:30 pm Union Art January 31 men of Verona 8 pm, Union Theate r Gallery Show cont.'s through Feb. 8 Coffee 2051 12:30pm, Acadian February 15 January 18 January 31 Film: Monty Python and The Holy Grail Film: sex, lies, and videotape 7 & 9:10 Film: Tom Jones 7 & 9:20 pm, Colon­ 7 & 9 pm, Colonnade pm, Colonnade nade February 16 January 20 FEBRUARY Film: Betty Blue 7 & 9:20 pm, Colon Cavani String Quartet 4 pm, Colonnade February 1 Final date for dropping classes without a January 20-25 "W" February 17 Exclusive Arts Prints Sale 9 am - 6 pm, Passport to Adventure World Travel Feliciana ConL's through January 25 February 1 Series:”Bonjour France!" with Sherilyr Film: Cinema Paradiso 7 & 9:25 pm. Mentes 4 pm, Colonnade January 21 Colonnade Martin Luther King Commemorative February 19 Program begins at 12:30 pm Pop Entertainment The Magic of Stuart Martin Lather King Speaker Lerone Him: Powaqqatsi 7 & 9 pin, Colonnade & Lori Illusionists 8 pm, Cotillion Ball­ Bennett Union Theater room February 3 Chamber Music Vienna Schubert Trio 4 February 21 pm. Colonnade Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Felicia n a

18 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 February 21 - 22 March 10 A p r i l 7 . Gathering of Poets: Public Forum 2 - 4 F ilm: Second Animation F ilm Festival 2, Passport to Adventure World Series: "The pm, Atchafalaya 5,7, & 9 pm, Colonnade Deep Caribbean" with Dale Johnson 4 Gathering of Poets: Formal Reading 8 pm, Colonnade pm, Plantation Room March 12 Midterm grades due April 11 February 21 Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana Film: Gothic 7 & 9 pm, Colonnade March 14 Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana April 11 February 22 Film: King of Hearts 7 & 9 pm, Colon­ LSU Student Art Show Reception, March 14 nade 8:30 pm Union Art Gallery Show cont.'s F ilm: Amadeus 7 pm only! Colonnade through March 20 April 12 March 15 Great Performances: Hubbard Street February 22 F ilm: Female Trouble 7 & 9 pm, Colon- Dance Company 8 pm, Union Theater Film: Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! 7 & nade 9:10 pm, Colonnade April 12 March 17 Film: Burroughs 7 & 8:45 pm, Colon­ F e b r u a r y 2 4 Passport to Adventure World Travel nade Brides' Worl d 6 pm Exhibits 2 & 4:30 Series:"Africa CameraSafari" with Clint pm Fashion Shows Royal Cotillion Ball- Denn 4 pm, Colonnade April 18 room Perspectives Speaker Ellen Goodman 8 March 21 pm, Union Theater February 28 Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana April 18 March 21 Spring Fashion Show 8 pm, Cotillion February 28 Film: Wuthering Heights (1953)7 & 8:45, Ballroom Film: Wings of Desire 7 & 9:25 pm, pm, Colonnade Colonnade Film: Phantom of the Opera (1925) 7 & March 25 - April 1 8:50 pm, Colonnade m a r c h Spring Break Cont's through April 1 March 1 April 19 Perspectives Speaker: Ruby Dee 8 pm, APRIL Film: Walkabout 7 & 8:50 pm, Colon­ | Union Theater April 1 nade Registration for Summer/Fall Semester March 1 begin April 25 Film: The Lavendar Hill Mob 7 & 8:45 Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana pm, Colonnade April 4 Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana Film: Ugetse Monagatori 7 & 9 pm, March 4 - 8 Colonnade Midsemester exam period Cont.'s through April 4 -M ay 6 "Goya Etching: Caprichos, Desastres, April 26 Tauromaquia” Union Art GalleryCont.'s Film: The Man in the White Suit 7 & 8:50 7 through May 6 pm Colo n n a d e Coffee 2051 12:30 pm, Feliciana April 4 April 29 - May 5 Film: Second Animation Film Festival 7 Film: The Mosquito Coast 7 & 9:20 pm, Dead Week Cont.’s through May 5 & 9 pm, Colonnade C o lo n n a de MAY March 8 A pril 5 May 6 - 14 Film: Second Animation Film Festival 7 Film: Time Bandits 7 & 9 pm, Colonnade Final exam period Cont's through May & 9 pm, Colonnade 1 4 April 6 M A R C H 9 Film: Time Bandits 1 pm, Colonnade M a y 16 Film: Second Animation F ilm Festival SPRING 2 ,5 ,7,& 9 pm, Colonnade COMMENCEMENT

Spring 1991 Gumbo Magazine 19 photos by wayne ■gonzo" schexnayder

THE

20 GumboSCULPTURE Magazine Spring 1991 PRO "It's A Nebulous

Thing' story by ivy restituto

The sculpture department has quickly grown in re­ cent years. Once a relatively low-key program be­ cause of a small faculty and limited funds, it has under­ gone a turnaround in the past two years. New faculty and increased funding are generating a definite posi­ tive and energetic attitude within the LSU sculpture department. The driving forces behind LSU sculpture are senic faculty member and professor, Sidney Garrett, Profes sor Robert Lyon and Assistant Professor Greg Elliot. They have re-organized the department so more em­ phasis is given to needed areas. All three are also ac­ tive artists who show 6 to 12 times a year in competitive shows, one-man exhibitions, galleries or museum shows. Exhibiting works is an important aspect of any visual artist's career. It is equivalent to research for a scientist or the publication of articles and books for a writer. If they aren't exhibiting - they aren't in the professional arena.

GRAM AT LSUSpring 1991 Gumbo Magazine 21 A year-round exhibition can gious attitude. be viewed at the sculpture gar­ A strong point of den by Atkinson Hall. *it's a the sculpture program nebulous thing," said Elliot, is that it operates with ‘W e've sort of taken over the an open philosophy. quadrangle. You w on't find the There is no limit to th e kind sculpture garden on any map, of sculture or to the m e­ but LSU had sanctioned its exis­ dium on which a student tence. Once a year the sculp­ can work. It gives the stu­ ture departm ent selects pieces dent the full opportunity to from the advanced sculpture develop whatever interests class. Students interested in they have that might be sculpting for the outside are able sculpturally ori­ to test it o u t... how it looks outside ented, said and how the public responds to Lyon. Following it.' The university is currently this philosophy, considering placing concrete sculpture me­ pads in the garden for the sculp­ dia has no m a­ tures to rest on. te ria l fo c u s. It Sculpture, which is any art ranges from activity resulting in a 3-dimen- w ood, all kinds sional object or statem ent, is an of metal like avenue of personal expression. steel, aluminum Lyon explained that it is not nec­ and bronze, essarily about beauty, but that found objects, it's probably about life and about stone and elec­ where w e live and how w e live. tronic media. Good sculpture, according to Elliot, has a w ide range of tech ­ O t h e r n ic a l skills a n d a highly d e v e l­ strengths in­ oped aesthetic sense as to clude the limit­ the im age the sculptor is af­ less conceptual ter and what it's trying to ideas of the stu­ sa y . dents and staff. Students at both the The freedom to graduate and under­ work on sculp­ graduate levels are tural ideas, ac­ p l e a s e d w ith t h e w a y t h e cess to equip­ program has changed. ment and stu­ Michael Avant, a sopho­ dio space, as m ore in sculpture, said well as the criti­ it's basically an aw ak­ cal support of ening of the depart­ the faculty and ment as a function­ the opportunity ing department on to show at vari­ campus. Sean ous competi­ Dickson, a gradu­ tions, said ate student, said A v a n t. that there is not as With enthusiastic faculty and of the up and much excitement student interaction, sculpture at coming pro­ in other depart­ LSU is sure to continue its growth grams in the ments and that and build a program that is a United States. I there is a serious- new and powerful addition to don't think it's minded posi­ the School of Art. going to do any­ tive, conta­ Elliot sum m ed it up: "It's one thing but get better.

22 Gumbo Ma' lazine Spring 1991 C u ttin g th e C liches

Yesterday I was in a rotten mood. The magazine was not nearly finished. The deadline w as past; I still had this editorial to write. The stress was almost unbearable. A very dear male friend was puzzled by my unpleasant disposition and asked if it w as “that tim e of the month. " was angry, because I misunderstood his intentions. He was trying to be amusing and felt that we were close enough friends for jokes of that sort. He wasn’t tryin g to be sexist, b u t l took it that way. I was reminded of a poem by Maureen Owens entitled Novembers or Straight Life . One passage in particular sticks in my mind: "...How to t alk To A ssholes w as a possible title I w as consid- ering in honor of the doctor studied my severely swollen thumb & inquired as to whether any strenuous exercise had been taken of late ‘perhaps yanking a fitted bedsheet over a mattress?’ he postulated...” Granted, my friend’s offhand comment was not the sam e caliber as the doctor’s, but I believe it is rooted in the sam e misunderstanding. As w as my reaction. I was simply in a bad mood. I’ve never heard a girl ask a guy if his hormones are acting up just because he is not in the best mood. My friend didn’t intend for me to be offended by his remark. He Was, actually, quite shocked at my reaction. I overreacted because I misunderstood his meaning. I assumed he was bashing me as a woman. My assumption was wrong, but there is so much bashing that goes on from both sides, the assumption was logical. Men greet each other in less than flattering terms - women do it too. These greet­ ings are. meant to be humorous. Why then do .some women get upset when they're re­ ferred to as "chick” or “babe” b y a guy? It is usually meant quite harmlessly. The words have become so commonplace,, that they have virtually lost the derogatory meaning they once had. This seem s to be another case of over sensitivity, ; I think the problem isn’t that everyone is running around verbally bashing the op­ posite sex. It’s more that the bashing does take place and so innocent comments between friends are assum ed to be in the sam e genre. I don’t think the misunderstanding lies with men only or with women only. We just misunderstand each other. W e are equal, so why do we regard each other as such a threat? Men often as- sume thatanyfeministwillbebelligerent. W om e n ten d to a ssu m e th at belligerence is the only way to communicate their m essage. Both sides are wrong. The key is to stop fighting and to stop being so sensitive. That's the only way the hurt feelings on both sides will ever be resolved. W e both spend entirely too much time watching what we say or getting of- fended by people who don't. It’s not just men. Women do it too. How manytim es have I heard a girl say that m en are pigs? Men are expected to avoid generalizations, but women use them just as often. It's timeforustoge t p a st th e clic h e's a ndtalk. N ot to ignore th e cliches, b u t to tak e into account the context ini which everything is said. . W omen love to say that without them there would be no men. That’s true, but I find it equally hard to believe that women could exist without men.

Spring 1991 G u m b o lla g a z in e 2 3 that there was a deep burn on his left leg with a hole cut through the leg of the undergar­ ment corresponding SPONTANEOUS perfectly to the mark on the leg, but no scorching on the outside of the hole. There were scorch marks on the inside of the trouser leg, but not the outside, indicating that the source of heat came from COMBUSTION... the inside.” He was exam­ ined by three different medical doctors and no ex­ ...and other crazy phenomena planation was ever found. Edgeworth spoke of another odd instance concerning three by paige dronet deaths caused by spontaneous People inexplicably bursting human combustion on the same into flames, frogs and blood dropping day in the late 1930s. One died from the sky - these are just some of in England, one in the Nether­ the peculiar interests of LSU Greek lands and the third on a boat in and Latin Professor Robert Edgeworth. the North Sea. “My life centers around aca­ “When measured out, they’re demics. My outside interests do not at the three apexes of an equilat­ touch my professional life. This is just a eral triangle,” Edgeworth said, form of intellectual play,” Edgeworth adding that the evidence indicates said between speaking about spontane­ spontaneous human combustion. ous human combustion and bizarre “Afterward, the bodies showers of strange matter. always look as though they’ve been Edgeworth said studying sponta­ incinerated. They don’t look like a neous human combustion on the college body, but rather a heap Of ashes.” level is “like applying for a government Edgeworth became interested in grant to study Big Foot.” spontaneous human combustion by “I guess have a bit of a reputation reading the books of Charles Fort, a for being the fellow who’s willing to listen freelance journalist during the first to off-beat theories,” he said. half of the 20th century. “Fortean The Union Ideas and Issues Com­ phenomenon” includes the unusual mittee, comprised of some of his former accounts of the “off-beat,” he said. students, chose Edgeworth as a speaker “Fort addresses irregularities in pat­ for Coffee 2051 last year. Spontaneous hu- terns of observed data that most sci- man r'rvmKi are burned to ashes and nothing around on spontaneous human combustion them is affected. was called Promotion of Rational 'The fire is described as being blue,” Inquiry and Scientific Method (PRISM). Edgeworth said. His theory is that “some of The lecture was sponsored by the Wil­ the submolecular energy gets released in liam James Fund, a group that spon­ sudden spurts. sors lectures related to parapsychology. ‘The spurt is sufficiently intense to Edgeworth said there are “two viola­ cause extensive destruction, but for reasons tions of physical laws, the first is the not known to us, it ... only propagates out a generation of so much heat.” few feet, and stops,” he said. The level of heat is like that of a cre­ In his personal explanation of the mys­ matorium - approximately 5,000 de­ terious occurrence, he compared the body’s grees, he said. sudden bursting into flames to an eclipse. “What source Both are rare exceptions, and “the only can there be that proof is observation,” Edgeworth said with a generates such grin on his face. an incredibly Edgeworth said the high level of only person he knew who heat?” he lived to tell about a asked. spontaneous human The combustion experi­ second un­ ence was James explained Hamilton, a math phenomenon, professor at the he said, is University ol “what keeps the Nashville heat from propa­ On Jan. 5, gating from be­ 1835, Hamilton yond the locus of “discovered that the person involved?” his leg was burn­ Members of PRISM ing while walking argued that the vic­ on a cold day. He tims probably fell cupped his asleep while smok­ hands over it ing, but the intense and it went temperature of the out. He went heat is not ac­ in and counted for in their discovered theory. SPONTANEOUS

COM BUSTION...... and other crazy phenom ena

Edgeworth focuses reported to have fallen out of his reasons for being inter­ a clear morning sky, Edge- ested in such occurrences worth said. on the psychological phe­ What makes these nomenon of closure - the phenomena intriguing is how mind’s tendency to want to the things got up there, he close a gap in given informa­ said . tion. Aristotle’s theory - ‘Things get picked up ‘there is a reason for every­ in water spouts, and every­ thing” - describes Edge­ thing falls in a heap. What is worth’s curiosity about such interesting about these falls bizarre occurrences as hu­ is that everything is of the man combustion and strange same species, unlike a objects falling from the sky. normal water spout.” According to Edge- Edgeworth was the worth in an interview with the former acting chairman of the Daily Reveille, blood has foreign language depart­ rained from the sky in sev­ ment. Currently he is the eral European countries and section head for classical Japan. A sample taken from studies and acting director of a shower in Italy was deter­ the comparative literature mined by scientists in 1890 program . to be real blood, he said. It is not likely that you In various countries, or I will ever experience such worms, jellyfish, mollusks, a rare phenomenon as spon­ frogs, snails, mice and strips taneous human combustion of m eat reportedly fell from or witness these oddities the sky, Edgeworth said. He falling from the sky in this said reports indicated insect lifetime considering the rarity larvae and full grown bugs of the occurrences and the have showered the Swiss poorly documented data, Alps several times. Edgeworth said. In B aton R ouge in When asked if he 1986, thousands of ducks, would like to have such an cat birds, canaries and even experience, he laughed and some identified species were said “I’d be happy to witness o n e .”

26 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 story by Stephanie spielm an

L

AS

C I f you think you have to You can do all that and more at the leave Baton Rouge to experi­ L o uisiana Arts and Science Center Riverside Museum, located downtown e n c e a spa c e s h u t t l e l a u n c h , to across from the old State Capitol. The explore the mysteries of an­ museum has countless exhibits that L o u i s i a n a cient Egyptian mummies, to capture both recent and ancient history as well as culture from all over the peer in th e window o f a 19th A r t s a n d world, especially Louisiana. century country store or to The history of the museum may S c i e n c e board a 1918 steam engine, be one of the most interesting exhibits there. It was built in 1925 on the site of you’re wrong. the Battle of Baton Rouge, an 1862 C e n t e r Civil War conflict. The building itself was originally designed as the hom e of the Illinois Central Railroad Station, the center of transportation for Baton Rouge. In 1971, the railroad station was leased to Baton Rouge as a museum. Renova­ tions were finished in August 1976, but the museum was not complete until 1984 with the addition of Discovery

Spring 1991 Gu m b o Ma g az in e 2 7 Depot, a children's hands-on gallery. complete with antique hardware, cloth­ Another regionally recognized ing, medicine bottles and mail. The exhibit is the collection of artifacts from Acadian cottage is furnished with a the great civilizations of Egypt, Greece handmade trundle bed using rope for and Rome. Most of the artifacts date springs and moss in the mattress. back to the Ptolemaic period stretching Train lovers will adore the from 323 to 30 B.C. The museum cre­ LASC Museum’s two famous train ates a feeling of discovery by letting exhibits. The first is a train city scaled visitors make their way down a dark, down to represent three square miles of narrow passage to the small burial cham­ a small community served by the rail­ ber where an adult mummy and child road. The detail stands out, using small mummy lie. The tomb chamber is re­ touches that bring the model to life. A created like those of ancient Egypt, com­ highway accident with an overturned plete with household articles for the de­ car and ambulance, a jedding party at ceased in the afterlife. a church, and a cemetery with a freshly- Another time period can be ex- dug plot all make the town seem real. plored through the museum’s 19th cen­ Trains cross all over the town, bringing tury country store and old Acadian people and cargo to their destinations. house. The store and the house are both The other exhibit includes five furnished and detailed to appear exactly renovated train cars parked just outside as they did years ago. The store is the museum, with a steam engine, mail

28 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 car, day coach, dining car and a private The museum has additional office car. Visitors are allowed to walk events coming this spring and summer through the train on a guided tour. from art shows to competitions. Mu­ The museum has just opened a seum hours are from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. new video theater where visitors will be Tuesday through Friday, from 10 a.m. allowed to travel distant outer space, to 4 p.m. Saturday and from 1 to 4 p.m. L o u i s i a n a ride around the Earth in a space shuttle, Sunday. and explore planets with the robotic Admission is $1.50 for adults A r t s a n d Voyagers. The entire system is com­ and .75 for university students. All prised of two upscale state of the art admission for 10 a.m. to 12 noon is free. S c i e n c e parts: a videoprojector and ahuge sound system. The image created by the pro­ C e n t e r jector is IS feet diagonally - as large as in movie theater screens. The image is clear enough to take pictures directly from it, thanks to its near-high defini­ tion capability. The sound system con­ sists of a 600 watt, six channel, eight speaker, two subwoofer surround sound setup. It allows you to not only hear the shuttle launch - but feel it as well.

Spring 1991GumboMag azin e 2 W h at is th e

BIG BUDDY P rogram

story by paula dale

'Ain't we going to the that makes everything so worth gram director Jim Geiser. park?" M ona's friend asked. while," says Gay, who has been The program stresses good M ona proudly replied, “It's M ona's big buddy for two years. community feelings and unity, not 'ain't.' It's 'aren't' w e going “It's not just Mona who gets Geiser says. It brings together to the park. Gay told m e that." something out of this. It's me, c h ild re n a n d b ig b u d d ie s fro m all M ona is nine years old. G ay to o ." cultures and backgrounds as McFarland, volunteer coordina­ As a non-profit organiza­ friends, regardless of race or fi­ tor of the Big Buddy Program in tion for children in East Baton nancial status. Baton Rouge, is Mona's big Rouge Parish, the Big Buddy The program requires a big b u d d y . program gives children construc­ buddy to spend two to three ‘It's moments like Mona tive learning experiences and hours a week with a child for a using something I've taught her positive role models, says pro­ year. Once a big buddy is m atched with a little buddy, they both sign a written contract say­ ing they will be each other's "special friend" for a t least a year. They can play games, go on outings, or share in a com m on interest like bike riding or read­ ing. A few weeks ago I m et my little buddy, D enese, for the first time. She's a talkative, well- m annered, nine-year-old little la d y . I w ent to her house to m eet her family, exchange telephone numbers and sign our contract of friendship. I w asn't sure how D enese would respond. I was just hoping she'd like me. When the front door 3 0 G u m b o M ag azin e Spring 1991 store with m e ... with the wig on. N o tic e s d e s c rib in g t h e Big I said OK, but only if she acted Buddy Program are distributed in i norm ally. schools for th e kids to give to their Well, Denese strutted into parents. No big buddies are as­ store like M adonna with an atti­ signed to a child unless the par­ tude, which sent m e into a fit of ents agree. Frequently, parents laughter. Som e old m en sitting in will c a ll to g e t a b ig b u d d y for the small deli area thought she their child. was cute and had to comment The staff works closely with on her pre-Halloween get-up. school guidance counselors and Denese loved the atten­ principalsto determ ine which kids tion. She also fussed a t m e for not would benefit from the program acting natural. m o st. "No one would have The majority of big buddies known this w asn't my real hair if are LSU students like myself. Som e you hadn't laughed so," she said. students volunteer because they M any of the children in the want to m ake a child laugh and program come from a single smile. Some w ant to add a touch parent family in a low socio­ of hope to a child's life. economic area. They are be­ There are those with selfish tw een the ages of six and twelve. motives too. They w ant to bring Approximately 80 percent of the happiness and fulfillment in their children are black. own lives. The kids can do this. McFarland says currently I'm no saint. My motives opened, I got more than I ex­ there are betw een 70 and 80 Big w ere selfish as well as wanting to pected. Denese was like a child Buddy/Little Buddy pairs, but help Denese. I hoped to get some on Christmas morning seeing her there are over 3,000 kids that joy out of this relationship. After toys for the first time. She im m e­ need and want a big buddy. only three weeks, this is happen- diately gave m e a huge hug as if to thank m e for coming. The hard part was over. It does not take a lot of m oney to be a big buddy. To the kids, the important thing is the time they spend with their big buddies, w hether they're sitting in th e library o r riding rid es a t Fun Fair Park. However, I did m ake one purchase for Denese that was definitely worth the $12. I bought her a black wig to wear to bur Big Buddy/Little Buddy Hallow­ een party. The wig was long and straight and hung to her waist. As soon as w e walked out of the costum eshop Denese had to put the wig on. So I w as riding down Nicholson Drive with a child who looked like a cross be­ "Im agine w hat one year tween Janet Jackson and Milli Vanilli. as a big buddie is going I stopped at a conven­ ience store on Perkins Road be­ to m ean to a child" fore our study session together. Denese begged to go into the Spring 1991 Gumbo Magazine 31 "It's ju st a sm all b it o f

your tim e to show you

c a r e "

ing to o . show them they can go and do To become a big buddy Our first venture together all kinds of things," Becky says. one must attend a two-part work­ was a trip to the library. I picked 'It's just a small bit of your shop, be interviewed and partici­ D e n e s e u p fro m s c h o o l, still h o p ­ tim e to show you care. Their family pate in three of the Big Buddy ing w e'd hit it off. cares, but it's just for them to sponsored group activities. When Denese saw my know there's also som eone else." I tutored a second grade black sporty car, she exclaim ed The current Big Buddy Pro­ boy nam ed Derrick as part of my “This is live!" W hen I turned on th e gram in Baton Rouge w as started training as a big buddy. radio, she realized I like MC in 1979 by two cam pus ministers One day, we were sitting on the Hammer songs, too, and not just at LSU who saw a need for som e gym floor, reviewing Derrick's what she calls "white people's kind of social justice programs. spelling words w hen he smiled and m u sic." Until 1982, funds to adm ini­ asked “W ho's big buddy are you It was then I knew things ster the program cam e from the g o n n a b e ? " w ere going to be all right. Mayor-President's Council on A few w eeks after I finished R e c e n t LSU g r a d u a t e Youth Opportunity and Baton my trainings lady from the school Becky Lowicki has been a big Rouge Association for Commu­ told me Derrick said he missed buddy to 8-year-old Kenyetta for nity Action. m e . tw o y e a rs . In 1982, Capital Area I w as only with him for three The pair like going to the United Way began providing days. Imagine w hat one year as a Baton Rouge Beach to feed the funds. Today the program is big buddy is going to m ean to ducks, but the thing that excites funded by United Way, MPCYO children like Derrick. Kenyetta the most is to go to and private contributions. Baskin-Robbins. Going out for ice In addition to the Big cream is her treat on special Buddy/Little Buddy relationships, occasions like doing well on her there are 16 other programs that report card of helping Becky serve the youth. They range from with som e chores. tutoring, sports activities, making ’You can show the kids a crafts and camping to Sunday whole world of opportunities and school trips. 3 2 G u m b o M ag azin e Spring 1991 T he Love C onnection

th e lo st p ilo t ep iso d e story by garilyn ourso

should have absolutely nothing in common. Warren: “Well, the last time I saw a fair Once the noncompatibles have paired up, creature was at the carnival last fall when I we whip them off to some affordable, semi- want ‘round back to deliver grass clippings luxurious love nest and await sheer atomic and wandered into the freak show tent by bliss. What usually erupts, with any luck, is mistake. There was this big green slimy sheer atomic hellfire which, in turn, sends thing with eleven eyes and six legs. It looked our ratings soaring through the roof! You like an infected sore does when you pick the see, by contract, our lucky couple is obli­ scab off every four hours. I tapped on the gated to return to our program and rehash all glass a few times just to see if it would move. the dirt and slime of their memorable eve­ But l swear l didn’t make it whine. Honest.” ning for your viewing entertainment! I will play the role of commentator, egging each Host: “Warren, tell me, when was the last participant on by slyly prodding and prying time you went out with a woman?” to bring their private encounters to you, the inquiring audience with a right to know! Oc­ Warren (Silence) (Expressing a moment of casionally we introduce a couple of love wavering perplexion) nest bunnies, just to renew our viewer’s faith in the fact that these are not actors, and Host: “How about... do you know any real, this show is totally spontaneous. So, with­ live women or have any even spoken di- out further delay, we introduce to you our recdy to you while looking you square in the first contestant...” face without expressing repulsion, your mother excluded?” Host “Meet Warren. His interests are simple and Warren (Silence) (A moment of absolute his idea of entertainment doesn’t necessar­ pondering, to no avail) ily involve mental stimulation! He’s a wayward 34-year-old bachelor who lives Host: “I figured as much. Now - let’s intro­ with his mother and has carved a profession duce Warren to our carefully selected panel out of selling grass clippings to carnival of ideal candidates and see just which one is petting zoos. Tell us, Warren, what brings capable of making that Lovvvvvve Connec­ you to “The Love Connection?” tion!”

Warren: “I wanna gurlfriend.” “Meet June, a 32-year-old ex-cue card holder who is in the process of turning her life Host: ‘Well, what type of girl warms the around.” cockles of your heart?” June: “I’m June. I’m depressed. Leave me Warren: “One like that Club MTV dancer alone. Don’t call me. No, I don’t want to go with the long blonde hair and studded bra- anywhere. No, I don’t want you to come Host: “Welcome audience and at-home zeer.” over. I just want to sit home. In the dark. viewers! I’m Chuck Woolery, your host and Alone. Sit home in my soup stained night­ this is the game show that proves that old ad- Host: “What attributes do you look for most gown with my matted hair, waiting for death age, “All’s fair in love and war!” Welcome in women?” by boredom. Go away. And get that camera to the first appearance of “The Love Con­ out of my face.” nection”! For you unfamiliar with our for­ Warren: “Miniskirts. She’sgotta wear mini­ mat, here’s what you can expect for this skirts. Even to church.” Host: “Now meet Stephanie, a 20-year-old evening’s entertainment. We invite several snowball enthusiast who hoped to one day unusual individuals to our program and scan Host: “That sounds like some kind of babe own a pet.” them for originality. We then give them a you’ve got in mind, Warren. Tell me, when downright pathetic panel to select from, was the last time you wined and dined a fair Stephanie: “I’m Stephanie. My name used filled with bizarre, unappealing, or exten- creature of the opposite sex?” to be Maude, but when I was first learning to sively neurotic persons with whom our guest walk, my parents got a kick out of putting Spring 1991 G u m b o M agazine 3 3 who was the lucky lady?” curvy babes who can balance a checkbook and make a decent potato salad. During Warren: “I picked Stephanie. Had to. You auditions we introduced Neal to Kim, a psy- told me if...” chology major who craves to change the world with her insight and appreciation for Host: “Well, now! Let’s get right to Stepha­ all that is insightful and appreciative. Al­ nie and see just how that little date went!!” though a believer of artistic expression, Kim believes 2 Live Crew could benefit from Stephanie: “Warren was areal sweetie! First many of this nation’s adult literacy pro­ he took me to an ECOL station for rotisserie grams. She is not particularly fond of potato hot dogs and of course, nachos. Afterwards salad. Because this is our first episode, 'The we went back to his house, watched' Super­ Love Connection’ previously arranged a I friends’ and brushed his dog’s teeth. It was date last weekend and brought them here a dream date!” tonight to recap all the vivid details!

Host: “Was she your ideal woman, War­ “Welcome Neal, and tell us how your ro­ ren?” mantic evening went!”

Warren: “Almost. She wasn’t wearing a Neal: “It was great, at first Over the phone miniskirt but she said it was O.K. if I clipped it was decided that we would meet over off about eight inches of her dress with my dinner and a movie. She picked the restau­ branch trimming sheers. I didn’t do too rant, some suave little health food trough good of a job but she said that was O.K., the and I said I’d give the show some thought blood should wash o u t” Well, about 7:30 Friday night I met her at 'Artichoke Andys’ and could pretty much Host: “How was meeting his mom?” tell right away that she was a hot number. She was wearing this tight little purple thing Stephanie: “His mom was swell! She helped with no back and her hair was all quaffed me bandage my gashes and even taught me out, kinda like that Yahoo Serious dude. how to properly prepare gold fish in lemon Yeah, she definitely was a looker. We sat sauce just the way Warren like it, with the down, ordered a couple of carrot juice and heads still on.” vodka cocktails and stared checking each other out. I could tell she was smart, proba­ Host: “Warren, how did you know she was bly too smart to have a bod like that and even your ideal?” though she seemed all smarty and '90’s tape on the bottom of my feet and watching woman-like,’ I knew that a few more carrot me walk around with my legs in a spasm, Warren: “She was very, very nice to me and cocktails would have her falling all over me trying to shake it off. My mom used to roll didn ’t flinch once when I sat next to her. We before we reached the movie. Of course that on the ground in tears and laughingly com­ both wear sunglasses and like our milk un­ never happened because we never went to ment, 'M y doesn’t she step funny?!!!’ So curdled. She’s so neat, she even wears Old the movie. As a matter of fact, we never the name kinda stuck. I don’t have a job Spice, too! I can’t wait till she remembers even finished dinner cause you know what unless you count the change I collect at the my name for good.” she did? mall fountain. On good days I can gather about $2.78. This is not my real hair.” Host: “So, Stephanie, do you think that “You wanna know what that snot-nosed, Warren is your Love Connection?” uppity did to me?! She turned into damn Dr. Host: “Our last panel choice is Roxanne. Joyce Brothers on me!! During dinner! She is a self-employed entertainer from the Stephanie: “Oh certainly! No one can woo Started all this pseudo, psychological, ana­ Bronx and enjoys many activities.” me like Walter!” lytical, fiddle faddle, crap-ola talk and ru­ ined what could have been a pretty hot Roxanne: “Call me Rox. Call me now. 555- Host: “Thank you two love buzzards for evening!!! Couldn’t shut up long enough to DO-ME. You won’t regret it. Money back if joining us this evening. And for being such feed herself, even!” you’re not completely satisfied. honest participants, 'The Love Connection’ is awarding you two with these lovely de­ Kim: “Excuse me, Chuck, may I interrupt at Host: “Well now, Warren. Let’s see who our parting gifts; a flyswatter and a sample tube this point? First off, the reason we never studio audience believes would be the best of raspberry toothpaste. Enjoy! made the movie was because I had no idea date selection for you!” that the best cinematic decision he could “Now to our next participant. come up with was 'The Jetsons.’” Audience Mass: “Three!” “3” “Pick 3, you fool!” “Three or die!” “T-H-R-E-E!!” “Are “Neal is a 26-year-old underachiever who Neal: “Whoa a minute! Lighten up! What’s you blind? Three!!” loves sports and only wants to do his time on wrong with wanting to see a cartoon that I the grad student circuit long enough to enter happened to follow and enjoy all of my Host: “Well, Warren, in your own words, adulthood with a six figure salary. He likes life?!”

3 4 G u m b o M ag azin e Spring 1991 Kim: “Nothing, if you still need to regress lawyers that can deal with you!” back to your unfulfilled childhood.” Neal: “No, not at all, sweetheart. It would be my pleasure. I’ll even cook dinner. Don’t Neal: “Yeah, right now I want to deal with Neal: “See!? You see that, Chuck?!! She’s forget, your parents are coming over at eight you! How about, I want to play a new role doing it again! That’s the kind of talk that for Biblical Trivia Pursuit.” now - 'Irate Nazi Activist meets Geraldo’ really rubs me raw!” and kicks in his cranium?!!!” Host:“What’s the ... What in the crap are Kim: “Oh really? Perhaps the world would you two talking about?!” Host: “Sir, I’m afraid your attempt to de­ like to know what really 'rubs me raw’ ceive the public...” about you! Want to know what Mr. STUD Neal: “My wife and I were just making STALLION does when he wants to impress plans for tomorrow.” Neal: “Me? Deceive the public?! Ha! Tell a date? He shows her how multi-talented he me, Chuckie boy, what’s this crap about is by sneezing a shrimp through his nose and Host: “Surely you two aren’t married?!!” 'The Luv Connection,’ like its some kinda leaving it there to dangle until the waitress sicko benign godsend for all the losers of becomes violently ill! Not to mention the Kim: “Oh yes. We’re also into role playing. this world?!! I’ll bet you’re a loser yourself, fellow diners!!” It does wonders for our sex life. This past CHARLES! I bet you hit on all the female week we’ve been playing' The uptight psych contestants, give them your phone number, Neal: “You have to admit, it was pretty major meets the insensitive clod.’ It lets us then feel like some tight buns gigolo when funny!” air our hostilities while keeping the creativ­ they call, thinking they want you and not ity brewing. I must admit, this was one of your decrepitpaycheck, you nosey nobody!! Kim: “It was uncouthly childish and just our better encounters!” Tell me, was it a toss up between this job and shows your desperate need for attention- promotion manager for' Big Bones Women getting ploys in order to feed your low self­ Host of Wrestling?’ Oh! And yes, who writes esteem. And incidentally, I never found you “Well, I don’t appreciate you using our your comball dialogue, the 'Funniest Home very desirable.” program like this and I’m sure this won’t fly Videos’ crew? Where’syourvelvetsequined with the show’s producers, either. I’m afraid leisure suit, you cheezewhiz, weenie brained Neal: “Yeah, honey? Maybe if you had kept we’ll have to cut your segment. Of course, ** your mouth shut, you’d have had a night to you’ll have to forfeit all of your wonderful remember! But no, you had to play 'Freud’s- departing gifts...” Due to technical difficulty, “The Love grandmother- has-a-freak-out-session!’ To Connection” will no longer be broadcast. In tell you the truth, Chuck, I was really at­ Neal: “Like hell I will!” its place, we will bring you the following tracted to June, the manic-depressive from documentary: “Swell people in the Liver the last panel. She’d know how to appreci­ Host: “Listen, you have committed public Pate Business.” ate a real man!” fraud with the intent to deceive! We have

Kim: “Look Neal, I can rec­ ognize your sexually re­ pressed hostility and I no longer wish to engage in a primal battle of wits with you. If in the future you wish to confide in someone who would tolerate you with an objective approach...”

Neal: “Forget it! You’re his­ tory, sweetheart! Climb back into that experimental egg­ shell of yours and disappear forever!”

Kim: “Fine! good riddance!”

Neal: ‘Tine!”

Kim: “Oh, Neal, honey, I al­ most forgot - could you please pick up the kids to­ morrow after school? I have an appointment at the den­ tist. If it’s any problem, I could get Barbara...”

Spring 1991 Gumbo Magazine 35 W hat Y our P arents N ever

story by p at kelly

All of us have heard at some time or another "When I was your age we didn’t do that sort of thing.” But did they mention what they did d o ? I had originally intended to write this article as a historical account of student life at LSU; but after some Interesting research, I've "w hen I w as your changed my writing perspective. With the eras still in mind - mid-for- photos by wayne *gonzo‘ schexnayder age w e didn't do ties to mid-seventies - I've decided to sponsoring several dinners, picnics, focus on traditions and activities, and “Swing Inns” c asual dances. th at so rt of thing" but even better - legends; Also popular were the "Ag Fair Jam ­ Most people would think that boree” and the various, hayrides in the eras change with the decades; the fall. But, as always, lhe football but as history clearly shows us, games were very popular, creating a especially around this campus, new w ave of school spirit year after year. ideas emerged during the middle of To ease tensions around the decades. For this reason I’ll begin exam times, some students Besotted with the era of the late forties-early, to pranks. Like the time someone fifties. put the greased pig in the day room Like our Student Union to­ of Evangeline Hall sending the staff day, the Field House then repre­ and several co-eds on a merry chase. sented our campus melting pot - a If that didn’t make the ad­ place to hang out. meet friends, and ministration squeal. “Stormy's converse. The Field House was the Splash” created quite a wake w hen center for recreational act­ a student decided to have the Bouf- ivities,including the headquarters bon Street stripper help him cam- for both the YWCA M d YMCA. In paign for student body president. j fact, at that time it housed the world’s Needless to say he was forced tocall largest swimming pool, which was a off the campaign and forfeit the race; Refreshing end to a long day of un­ however, Stormy wanted to pay a air-conditioned classes. After the visit anyway, and did she!! She and Study period, one might wander over the band loaded up a Studebaker, to Tiger Town for a bit to eat at and she performed her routine out­ Louie’s Dutch Mill and then out to side the Field House, tantalizing and the Cotton Club, or for beer and teasing the guys with her zipper pizza to the Pastime. , trick - an act which revealed less The Gumbo Ball was the than women's street wear today. highlight of the fall dances followed But, to young men then, it was by a series of formals sponsored by enough; during her second act a the various military societies and group of gentlemen decided she was the Panhellenic Council. For less too h o t. Attempting to cool her off, form al events, the churches played on the count of three, she was swung a major role in social activities. into the Field House lake. No one 3 6 G u m b o M ag azin e Spring 1991 Told You.. .Or Did They?

was hurt, although the crowd did manage to demolish the platform. Stormy was then rescued by Cam­ pus Security, who had her flown out on the next flight to New Orleans. This became LSU’s first riot . The mid-fifties toth e early sixties were a lot like the “Happy Days” era. Hopper's was the local drive inn, and for entertainment there was the Varsity Theater. The Freshman Mixer was new among die social dances. A glance around the mixer would reveal several bald- headed pen because the hazing of freshmen was really popular then. Tradition had it that all freshmen were marked by the shaving of their heads. The Field House was still the campus hangout while provisions for the new student union were underway. As in the past, students still performed outlandish acts. Because sexual activity was seriously frowned upon by society’s standards, men settled for the excitement of panty raids throughout the girls' dorms. One incident in particular created a near riot at East Hall as six hundred men anxiously awaited a shot at some “silkies,” although only one pair was contributed. "The Gumbo Ball was the highlight of the fall dances"

Spring 1991 Gumbo Magazine 37 "From the late sixties to the early Seventies, students took a different approach to life" Unfortunately, other inci­ dents were carried to extreme, es­ pecially around the Ole Miss game. For three years running, riots broke out as game time approached - injuring several people, damaging property by brick throwing, and igniting dumpsters. Police re­ sponded with tear gas to disperse the drunken mob. Beer drinking was also a popular sport among men. In fact the fraternities often held contests, their objective - to see who could drink the most. In '61, it was the contest at the Bengal between the Kappa Sigs and the SAEs that brought LSU a little unwanted na­ tional notoriety. It seems the two fraternities decided to settle, once and for all, who the true beer champs were. Because of the large turnout at the Bengal, angry Tiger Town store owners called the police to clear up the parking problem. The police arrived, tailed by a writer from the State-Times. The crowd left and the cases were tallied - 567 cases to be exact. The writer, by the From the late Sixties to the It must have been an un­ way, covered the event in the Sun­ early .Seventies, students took a dif­ written requirement, but somehow day paper and by Monday night the ferent approach to life; the movement or other each generation managed wire service had picked it up, using towards liberalism grew steadily. to shock the administration. An April the story in the closing statement Skirts got shorter, hair grew longer 1st story in the 1965 Reveille told of Walter Cronkite’s Evening News. and people were “tuning” into them­ about the “Tower Toting Students” Parents across the state swamped selves and “turning on” to each other. who allegedly topped the Union the LSU switchboards with irate The sexual revolution was beginning building with the Bell Tower using a calls; the fraternities were put on as regulations were loosening on tube of epoxy glue. However, the probation, and thus the legend was conduct and dress codes. It was a “tall tale” is classically funny and created. move toward naturalism. Incense and the photo shows a leaning Bell Tower oil scents permeated the air, not to on the roof of the Union building. mention other illegal aromas around Exam times inspired pecu­ the Parade Grounds. In addition to liar behaviors. Perhaps the best of the Tiger Town bars, like Maggoo’s, a these examples was the Campus student might slip on a pair of bell Mud Bath of 1969. Drainage on the bottom jeans and a fringed leather Parade Ground was poor and after a vest, climb into a VW microbus and heavy rainfall, a massive puddle cruise down River Road listening to formed. Then it happened - one guy Beaker Street Theater, a broadcast kicked off his shoes and darted off out of Little Rock, Arkansas, featur­ into the water. He slid for about ing old-time mystery and horror. The twenty feet. It looked like so much new Union was opened and Free fun, a couple more joined in and Speech Alley was bom, but somehow then within the next few minutes things still hadn’t really changed. there were a hundred or more slosh-

36 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 ing and wallowing in a “Hog’s Heaven." As passersby stopped to watch the proceedings they were pulled into the m uddy mob. Shortly, campus security arrived on the scene "The term th at students w ere and they too were pulled into the horde. No one was immune to the ’barely there' took on a new m eaning fever. After City Police arrived, the Parade Ground was .cleared and in the Seventies" everyone had a “hog of a time." On the lighter side, the term that students were “barely there” took on a new meaning in the Seven­ ties as streaking hit the campus. The fad started with a few isolated incidents and progressed into a mass My personal favorite of all exhibition, as more began shedding time was the prank done to bring their clothes and sprinting through attention to the pollution problem in the Quad, the library, the Parade the campus lakes. A twenty- two Ground, and the Union building. At foot fish skeleton appeared to have each place, the naked pranksters washed on shore across from the gathered more troops who also bared Fraternity Row. The bones had been their bodies, leaving nothing on but delicately placed and looked quite a few smiles. There were a few ar­ authentic until experts revealed their rests as the police rolled in the paddy composition - plaster. After giving w agons, b u t for th e m o st p a rt n oharm wasdone. w agons, b u t for th e m o st p a rt n oharm everyone a stir, it made people real­ ize that something really did need to be done about the lakes. Everyone got a laugh. As these stories show, the and pastimes dreamt up by our parents are fare more creatively; outlandish than most of them are willing to admit. So when you hear that old cliche, “W henl was younger, we didn't do that sort of thing,” ask them , “Yeah, but did you?..?” By the way, see if you can find out - who sowed the marijuana seeds around the campus police headquarters?

Gumbo Magazine 39

I, EVE

fiction story by ronlyn domingue The kingdom I lived in was a beautiful She told us -that the Woods Wizard, who after my death. I am the end of a tradition,, my landscape of undulating hills and woods thick had been a shadow in every child’s nightmare daughter. It saddens me to S|e my own history with oaks. I watched the forest animals peek since time began, was an ancient man whose fade into memory because I have no son and to from their green, gnarled home to munch on the single joy in life was to eat children who went see my bright, beautiful girl have no future for dewy lawn and stare at the gray towers of the into his forest and use their blood to put curses herself.” He paused, stroking my hair from my castle. Far away, I could see the specks of huts on the kingdom. Doria explained that our f ace. “Perhaps it is time to start a new tradition.” puffing out smoke from their chimneys, and the droughts and wars and other catastrophes were Father picked me up and placed me on the floor land changed colors each season when the all caused by naughty little children who pro­ gently. peasants rotated their crops; And farther away voked t he Woods Wizard’s Wrath. "I will teach you all I know, Eve, but you than I could see lived the scarlet-breasted dragon And the scarlet-breasted dragon! She hor­ must promise me one thing-” who was the object of every princely quest since rified Ian with tales of how the dragon blew jets Confused and surprised, I inquired, “What anyone could remember. of fire from his nostrils hotter than the sun itself, is that, Father?” As a child, I was consistently well-fed and had ebony claws which were, kept sharp enough “You must never tell anyone what we’re well-loved. Mother told me fantasy stories about to stab an ant, and could hear a prince's foot doing. I shall tell your mother, who will probably lovely princesses, love at first light, and the steps coming near him a whole day before the agree, but no one else should ever know.” rewards of goodness, obedience, and respect­ prince arrived. Doria graciously emphasized that “But why?” fulness. But while Mother was with the servant one day he would have to face this scarlet- “Because no one would understand.". preparing supper, Father whispered tales of the breasted monster before he could come home “I can’t even tell Ian?” I cried, quite unused scarlet-breasted dragon and magical quests, from his quest and marry his bride. to such secrets and even more dismayed that I stories which thrilled and frightened me. I think But calm follows all storms, even ones could not share this one. Father wanted a son, but I never felt devalued by created by Ian’s sister, and things were back to “Not even Ian.” my parents because I was not. the normal course. Until one day. I was silent. Father lifted my chin up to him. I grew up in the company of the royal family Soon after Ian and I had turned seven, a "The Birthing Woman also said that you would because my father was the king’s most trusted stern, stout man entered the toy room daily and become a very special woman. I think she was advisor. It was a friendship which spanned gen­ dragged a pr otesting Ian out by the ear into one right." He smiled at me. erations since my father’s ancestors had always of the castle's four libraries. The royal family I tried to smile, too, but I was angry. I was advised the kings of Nede. I was tolerated by the called him "Prince Ian's tutor." furious that I'd been born female, a reality be­ queen who had a rigid view of what should be, From then on, I spent much tim e alone yond my control, and I had no way to change it. and often wasn’t in my case. Since I had no with Mother. When I was in the castle, I couldn't Why couldn’t I be taught? Would my brains flow brothers or sisters, I spent my time away from help but wonder why I heard Ian’s voice sputter­ through my ears? I almost asked Father who Mother with Doria, Ursula, Madeline, and Ian, ing strange sentences in another laiguage and started this tradition, but I suspected not even he the royal children. The girls were born two years heard his sisters forever quarreling over whose knew. Father turned to his books apart, and Ian came three years after Madeline drawing was nicest. a knot rise into my throat, I knew I should get to a fortnight after me. Eventually, I realized that lan was learning m y shady hiding place in the woods b e lie f Very early, I learned that my family was something to which his sisters h a d no access: began to cry. different. I never saw the king or queen -touch what was in those large books-in-the room down Propelled by a strange fury, I ran across the their children. Rules fo r behavior were very .the hall from the toy room. Ian was learning to lawn, not caring who saw me tripping over my explicit, and the children were expected to follow read. long skirts. I stumbled over the fallen limbs and them. Generally, I didn’t get along with the girls.,. Quickly, I realized that women never en- stones in my path. I heard the animals scurrying They were spoiled by too many pretty slippers tered those rooms. I approached my father one away, frightened by my stampings When I and dresses, low expectations of who they should day when he was in the library in the toy room’s reached my haven, the sun was sliding through be, and high expectations of m at they were. wing. I pestered him until he answered my the leaves and making dim pools of light in the But Ian was my special ally/ Age bound us question: what was the secret of the libraries? trampled weeds. first. As we grew older, we realized that we had “Eve,” he said, sitting down and drawing I sniffed loudly, recalling that ladies don’t to stick together in a house full of rules .and me into h is lap. “there is a tradition we hold sniff, another thing we cannot do,"and felt my power struggles. We had to be friends, because which does not allow women to know such eyes-brimming. I placed my arm over my bent we were all the other had. things.” knees, head upon that, and wept inconsolably. He and I had our secrets, as children will. “Why? Suddenly, I felt a slight pressure on my When we could escape the watchful eyes of "Because it is a tradition." foot. I looked up to see this robed figure sur- parents, siblings, and servants, we went into the I t ’s a stupid tradition,” J responded an­ rounded by milky light. Too upset to react with woods to our haven to escape being Miss Eve grily. It wasn’t fair. fear, I glanced down to see what had touched and Prince Ian, tell stories, watch the animals, Father was quiet for a long time, and I sat me. It was a squirrel, staring quizically at me. He make mud soup... The woods were the only watching the fire spark and wave in the drafts jumped into my lap and dabbed his paws on my safe place in the world, especially since there coming through imperceptible cracks between wet cheeks and tickled me with his whiskers. was no Doria and the scarlet-breasted dragon the great stones in the castle walls. “Come, Cyril,” said the figure, holding out was too big to squeeze through the trees. “You are the first and last for us, Eve. The a large hand to the creature. It jumped deftly into Doria once saw us go into the woods but Birthing Woman said that you would be our only the palm. could never find us. Secrets were something she child, for your mother was lucky to have you and I stood up, wiping mv eyes, and backed hated to be kept from, and she was intent on live after the other four babes who fell from her away. The figure was now a man with a long assuring we’d never return there because she womb before you. Had you been a boy, you beard, dressed in a layered robe so sheer that it could never be included in our secret. would have studied with me and taken my place gleamed in the sunlight. 4 2 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 His robe reflects so much light that it shall sion in my language, I realized, to my amuse- thing was constant: we were happy. blind you if you dare look upon it! I heard Doria ment, that the first letters of lan's sisters' names I remember one dream very clearly. Ian had warn, a flashback of the horror stories she loved spelled "DUM."I found it quite fitting, even if it gone to the edge of the woods and found the to tell. wasn’t spelled correctly. crumbling bones of the dragon, his skeleton The Woods Wizard, I registered. But this Years passed, and the ache I had to share my rotting upon itself as he had died, not in agony person did not frighten me, nor did I see a secret became an unusual feeling of power. but in sleep. Ian suggested that we go into the snarling mouth stained with the blood of curious Mother enjoyed the nightly meetings around the kingdom and rebuild the world we had lost. children who dared sneak about his woods. fire that Fathered I had, andshe listened to my Before we left, the Birthing Woman came to us, “Eve,” he said,” what troubles you, child?” lessons with one ear. turned in our direction wished us well, and handed us two books. She “How do you know my name?” I demanded. whenever she was near. Father used his books, gave Ian the thin one and said he now possessed He smiled slightly. “I attended your birth. which had been in the family for well over two every answer Man had. For me, she had a huge And after all, I am the Woods Wizard, who khow$ centuries, first. It was a diverse collection of volume, placed it in my arms, and said I now the future and past.” languages, figures, sketches of far-away places, possessed what no one wanted to know: the Now I was certain who he was, but j chose and history. When we exhausted that library, he questions to challenge those answers. to respond, “No one but the old Birthing Woman borrowed books from the castle library, which and my mother were at my birth. No one but the would take me years to go through. By now, Doria was of marrying age, a Birthing Woman and the mother is at any birth,” Knowledge was enlightening and empow­ month short of seventeen, and anxiously await­ I replied, quite certain I was correct that no man ering in a world wrapped in selected truths, but ing the return of her prince. She spoke to her ever entered a room where a woman was going sisters of his bravery in facing the scarlet­ through pains. breasted dragon and how he promised to return “Hmmm,” the Woods Wizard said. "That is with the largest prize to express how much he true. Would you like to see a trick? " loved her. Ursula and Madeline were furiously I did not answer, and suddenly remem­ I did not answer, and jealous of all of the attention Doria was receiv­ bered I had come here to be alone, not amused ing, yet they absorbed her fantasies like stale by a queer old man and his squirrel. suddenly rem em bered I bread in water, quickly and to bursting point. No His robes began to flutter gracefully, cover­ one could seem to remember the prince’s name ing his entire body from my sight. A moment had come here to be but all that truly mattered was he was godly later, the breeze settled, and before me was a handsome. woman. She was very old, but the lines in her At least the queen was too preoccupied alone, not am used by a face accentuated a beauty that escaped age. with her daughters to pay Ian any critical mind, M y heart shook with surprise. “Of all the and we shared a common bond of general stones I’ve been told, not one said the Woods queer old m an and his disgust about the whole situation and escaped Wizard could change form!” as often as possible to the woods. It was at these “I am more often portrayed as legend than s q u i r r e l times that I felt closest to Ian, when I could hear as truth, Eve. Usually, I am whatever I am needed him laugh and talk to him without the suffocat­ to be. And because you can understand this ing formalities beyond the haven. It was at these form, I am the Birthing Woman, who I am most times that I felt connected to Ian by a bond he of the time,” the person answered. I was prepared for another world I would never knew nothing about: thought. We communi­ I know why you are here, Eve. I want to tell face, one full of arguments about history and cated, not conversed, and he often stared at me you two things. The first is that you learn ail that policy, without pierced fingers and steamy faces as if he knew my secret. you can from your father. He is a good man with and burgeoning bellies, a place where Father By the time we were fifteen, the last sister intentions to protect you by keeping this secret- and Ian lived- and I could not. was married to yet another handsome prince. for now. Secondly, I want you to know that it is Periodically during this time, I’d go to the Their weddings, full of music, flowers, and good not the shape which matters, it is what glows woods alone and the Birthing Woman, cloaked wishes, were all beautiful celebrations which within the shape. Do you understand?” in flowing robes and delicate light, would meet saddened me. I could not be happy for the “No,” I said, bewildered. me in the haven. She always asked me what newlyweds. They were matched for what they The Birthing Woman smiled soothingly. Father had taught me since we last met and what were, not who, and for the safety of tradition. “You will, dear. For now, remember to trust I thought about what I had learned. She told me This was no union of souls and hearts, as those who love you and those you love. And just stories about her life, that she was too old to everyone duped themselves into believing it so you do not forget what you have been told, I remember when and how she got her powers, was. am setting Cyril out to watch over you. He will be that people feared her because they feared her I thought of the Birthing Woman who had my messenger, and even when you think he is abilities. The Birthing Woman never frightened once told me that life was a series of cycles, not near, he is. And we shall meet again.” me, even though I didn’t understand her or some beginning and ending- time after time- in the I suddenly felt much better. Cyril turned his things she said. same place. Marriage became the end of a cycle, pointy, auburn head at me and chattered loudly. After every meeting I had with the Birthing just as their golden rings symbolized, but what “Yes, her eyes are beautiful, aren’t they?” Woman I had dreams. Ian was in all of them, was the end of the one marriage created? the Birthing Woman said to the squirrel. She and in all of them, he and I lived in the woods I wondered, head full of forbidden knowledge looked squarely at me for a moment, turned, and because the scarlet-breasted dragon had in­ and the Birthing Woman’s riddles, having bro­ walked back into the deepest heart of the woods. vaded the kingdom, ate everyone alive, and no ken my link with tradition, would I be called to A month later, having learned my letters prince had yet killed the beast to free us. Our bend the path I had taken into an arch to rejoin a nd how to read with agoodbitofcomprehen- daily lives varied from dream to dream, but one the greater cycle to which I was bom but did not

Sping 1991 Gumbo Magazine 4 3 belong? good wife each of them could make you, Prince hand on my cheek, kissed me-on the forehead. Part of my reassurance was Ian, whose lan," the queen said. "Not an impertinent streak and told me to go. He turned his back to me and hand I’d hold tightly behind his back, hidden in any of them. This will be a difficult choice, waded in the muck, lifting the contents of the from view. The warmth of his hand reminded me dear.” beast from the steaming gore. that, beyond this delusive display, I could believe lan was miserable. I’ll never understand I was worried about him, for he had been in my choices. I could rely on our bond, our why his resistance to this was so strong because very evasive and quiet for a month, but after this haven, my secrets, and myself. he had been raised to expect this, trained to cope dream, I was terrified that I’d seen a future with it, and expected to like it. I wondered if every which, without me, would have ended with Ian’s With no one else to torment, the queen now prince endured these thoughts or if Ian was death. l’d seen the scarlet-breasted dragon, a concerned herself with teaching Ian the fineries different. creature which had never invaded my dreams in of princedom. He became acutely aware that he "I don't want to marry my mother or sis- the flesh before, and I knew Ian was marked for was being trained to act just like the fools who ters," he confessed to me. That’s how they are d o o m . had married his sisters. Which was all it was, of taught, you know, all of them. I saw what my I begged Father for information about Ian’s course, an act, Ian said. sisters were taught. How to be docile, pleasant, quest, but he said only kings knew such things. A notion interrupted my thoughts often unthreatening. How to smile and make one's Surely, this was written somewhere, I sup­ during the months of these changes. If I were to eyes twinkle. How to nibble, not eat. I don't think posed. Father shook his head, put my chin in his marry, what would I be left with? Often, I re­ I could be happy with a woman who had no more hand, and told me that for once in my life, I was sented my sex and, occasionally, what I had part in my life than to bear my children and then powerless. learned. I wasn’t willing to give up what I had train them, like we were trained. What of com- For once, I believed that I was. I had man­ learned and my parents had given me by marry­ panionship, understanding, love? aged to control my life by resisting the rest of the ing someone who could never know who I was. “But that is tradition. I cannot change it," he world's expectations so far. Ian’s quest was Ignorance is purgatory; my silence would be added, sadly. The diluted light coming through another matter. No one could stop him from hell. the trees made him look like a child, soft and going. No, one could give him a clue of what to My seventeenth birthday pass ed, and innocent. A glint of light struck off his sword hilt, expect, save the tales he heard as a child. Some though it was custom to marry soon-aler, I had piercing my memory of a younger Ian and re- l i f e died and others returned insane after no suitors, nor did I desire any. By now, Father minding me that he would be leaving soon, to their quests. I feared for Ian’s life, because if he had taught me everything he could, from French face the scarlet-breasted dragon and himself. died, a part of me would also perish, but I feared to geography. I was now left to re-reading Fa­ It would have been the time to tell Ian my what I did not know even more. ther’s vast number of books and anything he secrets. I wanted him to know what the Birthing Mother noticed my anxiety for I was with could carry out of the castle’s libraries. Woman said, even though I still don't under- her often those days. As a birthday gift, Ian gave me a lovely stand what it mean t: "It's not the shape, it's what “Eve,” she said to me, catching me holding pendant made of a crystal I had never seen glows within the shape.” I wanted him to know the pendant between my hands and staring out before. He told me that Cyril had propped it in his about my meetings with the Birthing Woman o f the window. “I understand how concerned hand one day when he was alone in our haven.. and Cyril, and my years of study with Father. I you are about him. I do understand that you feel It was the same color a s my eyes. W h e n held up was proof that tradition wo uld be changed. I said helpless right now, for you cannot stop this or to the sun, light splintered inside of it and nothing because I did not know where our change it. emanated a soft, ethereal glow. lan said only clandestine change in tradition would eventually " I a m very proud of you, my darling. The stars and my eyes reflected light in such a way, lead me. Birthing Woman was indeed right about how and because he couldn't give me a star, he saw special you are. And there must be some fore­ it fitting to give the closest thing to one. I blushed A week before Ian was to leave, I dreamed sight in the old woman. I think you have your when he said that, for Ian rarely,. expressed that he was in a strange forest of dense trees, the own challenge now, dear. Something very won- himself so sweetly. sunlight barely piercing through the leaves to d erful will come out of your strength and your Ian’s birthday was horrible, complete with light his way. He finally came to the edge of the knowledge, I can feel it. Believe in yourself now the customary party attended by all of the eli­ woods and a pathwhich forked in four directions m ore than you ever have, because now it counts.” gible princesses and theirbrothersfromthe into another forest. Mother hugged me and went out the back surrounding lands. This was supposed to be an F rom the new line of trees, the face of a door into her herb garden. What counts now? introductory phase into manhood, for he was to dreadfulscaly creature peeked out from behind My strength, my knowledge, my audacity, what? choose three princesses whom his mother ap- a trunk and blew a streak of fire toward him. Ian I went to visit Ian at the castle and found proved of as possible brides. drew his sword and stood at the point where the him in the toy room, pensively staring out of the My attendance was accepted, with much roads intersected. The monster lurched toward window and kneading a fistful of old papers. He protest from the queen who told me I’d better him on stubby legs, dragging its red chest and told me that they were the maps to the bounda­ stay far from her son during the celebration. its serpentine body against the ground. They ries of Kerrick, but he would have to rely on Ian’s eye contact with me was constant. I watched darted at each other, flame against steel, each knowledge and legend to go beyond Kerrick and Ian dance with twenty powdered, bejewled, and burned or bleeding. Suddenly, I [came from come home again because the maps of the other well-trained girls, and he watched me tap under behind Ian, lifted my crystal to the sky,.and a lands had been lost long ago. Somewhere, in the my chin, our signal to say bear it even if we can’t fracture of light reflected blindingly into the uncertainty of what was ahead of him, was the grin. beast’s eyes. Quickly, Ian sliced its belly open tip scarlet-breasted dragon, evil and eternity. He said he “reluctantly chose three very to top, and a rush of blood, bone, scrolls, and A thought streaked through my mind. I beautiful, moderately stupid, relatively tolerable swords puddled on the ground. asked Ian if he would use those missing maps if girls." Andhismotherapproved because they Someone called my name. I turned to see he could find them. Laughing, he said he wasn’t possessed these desirable, wifely qualities. “A the Birthing Woman, beckoning me. Ian put his beyond cheating to save his own life and in-

4 4 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 quired, jokingly, if I knew where those maps knowledge. Last night, I summoned memory dragon would tear out his heart and feed it to the were. I responded that I had no way of knowing and hope to be able to give you this now." bears, just like Doria said in the toy room a such things. The papers were damp from my body and thousand years ago. That night, I lit a small torch and carefully smelled dank from years of hiding. I faced him A thoughtful silence embraced us, and Ian studied the binding of every book in Fath e r 's now, holding the p ages out to him. held out his hand to me. I grasped it and peered library. My back ached terribly from crouching "What are they?" he asked before unfold- at him through a glaze of tears I refused to drop. by the shelves. About half an hour passed, and ing them.For amoment,hestaredatme,bewil- “Eve, you could never have given me a I could not find the book. I stumbled against a dered. more precious gift. You have risked much for stool which was below the glow of my fire, and “Open it , lan.” me, and I am indebted to you for it. I cannot say soon Mother and Father came in to see what was He cautiously flipped each fold over, that I am not somewhat hurt that you never told happening. spreading out a miniature landscape. There were me your secrets, but I suppose I understand. They patiently listened to my story. Father several maps, all marked with directions on the There’s one thing that always made you different agreed to help me look for the maps,and as we'd top and how each one fit with the others.. Ian from my family, Eve-" find the ones we needed, Mother placed them in blinked at me and glanced back down to his “What’s that?” I asked. order on the floor. pages. "Y o u 'v e always loved me, just as I’ve al­ It was dawn before I found and matched all “I don’t know what to say." ways loved you, but you always cared..” of the maps. Father helped me piece the outlying “Say you’ll accept them and you'll use them We spent several hours discussing his lands beyond Kerrick, giving Ian enough maps so you can come home, the sake of the journey, although he wouldn’t tell me the details to span for miles in any direction. Mother had tradition of the quest, you are being sacrificed of what he had to accomplish. It was at this time fallen asleep in the cushioned chair by the fire, without challenge, and we all suffer when any we said our farewells, each trying to be brave and when we were done, Father drowsily kissed such truths which are known are hidden. May and hopeful for the other, while the sun’s arch in her, lifted her slight body from the seat, and this truth keep you safe, lan. From the way his the sky marked our time left together. I never carried her to bed. I slept headfirst in a musty lips were pursed, I thought he was going to cry. told him about the dream. book. It was the first good night's sleep I'd had “Where did you get them? What is this in many weeks. secret you speak of?" He stood up, hands The morning of Ian’s departure was bitterly The next morning, I anxiously went to see grasping the papers as if they were an animal cold, but clear. The king gave Ian all the things he Ian and asked h i m to the woods with me. about to escape. was allowed to take on the quest, his mother I told Ian about my years of learning before kissed the air by his cheek, his sisters, armed On our way there, the maps were rustling. a nightly fire, forbidden to whisper a word to with their brats, hugged him and called him I was afraid that I was tearing them; I had placed anyone for fear of punishment (which was never brave. Princess Beulah, his heavenly bride-to- them below the bosom of my dress and tied a clear to me or my parents). I told him about my. be, was also there, blushing and docile. Cau- large sash high above my waist to hold them meetings "with the Birthing Woman and who tiously, she let him kiss her hand. there. It was very chilly that late morning, and I Cyril was. And after my story was over, I told Ian Then he turned to face me. Every servant, knew from the crisp silence of the wind that fall how afraid I was that something awful would important official-including Father- and imme­ would become winter early this year. Ian would happen to him and that the scarlet-breasted diate royal family member was there. We said have a hard journey. We arrived at our ha­ ven. Ian sat down on a log in the sun. I stood in front of. him, beams shining soothingly on me. “Ian, what I’m about to tell you will shock you, and you may get angry with me, but now, I don’t care,” I began.

which had been hurting my ribs, reached below my breasts, and clutched the m aps. “Before around,Iturn I want to say something For the past ten years, I've had a great secret. I was forbidden to tell anyone, but now the truth must c o p ] forth because if it doesn' t may lose you. Father has taught me to read and has shared with me all of h is nothing to each other for a few moments. I made this crystal, but I listened attentively. She took home to see if Mother could spare some camo­ a detailed picture of Ian in my head so that I my hand and pressed my pendant into it. “Close mile. would not forget him, should he never return. your hand around it, Eve. What do you feel?” One day, Father came home with the news “I have them,” he mouthed to me, patting “It’s warm. feel it spreading from my hand that Princess Beulah had died from the epi­ his chest. “Thank you. And thank your parents.” to the rest of my body,” I replied, surprised. “It demic. I was quite shocked. I asked what would I could say nothing. I think he understood. never did this before.” 'happen to Ian’s wedding plans, and Father said He reached his right hand out to me, bluish with “That’s because the Channel between you that he would nave to choose another bride. That the cold, and I drew toward him in a mutual wasn’t open yet," she answered matter-of-factly. night, the crystal’s warmth spread with a jolt in embrace. “When you finally told I an your secrets, there my body. “Please come home,” I whispered into his was nothing more important to hide. You chose Ian had been away for three months and ear, clutching the back of his neck where his hair the right time, my dear. He never had secrets four days now. No one had a way of knowing had grown long. about who he is hidden from you, because you, how soon he would be back. I missed him “I don’t exactly want to leave. Take care of were and are the only person with whom h e terribly and could only be consoled by the Cyril for me. You will be with me, Eve, remember could share truth. Don't ever feel badly for not emanating crystal and reassuring updates from that,” he whispered back. telling him earlier because the time wasn’t a p - the Birthing Woman that Ian was, at least, alive. “As you with me,” I responded. propriate. One morning, I was doing needlework and That embrace and discussion lasted all of “Truth, just as love,, cannot be rushe d . " got up to get a drink of water. As habit would three seconds. When the queen realized what She placed her hand overmine. “What you have it, I clutched the crystal and felt a shock. I was happening, mainly that she was being em­ immediately let go of it and took it again. The barrassed because Ian was paying more atten­ same thing happened. Only one possiblity: Ian tion to me than his princess, she marched to our was coming home. The crystal responded like side and wrenched us apart. p is for three days. “For sakes, Ian, she isn’t your concept. I fo u n d it quite fitting that the fourth morn­ Don’t you remember anything I’ve taught you?” It's warm . I feel it ing, I awoke early, just as the sun’s curve was the queen seethed while smiling at the crowd. rising over the hills. I dressed quickly, filled a Ian mounted his horse, glanced back at the spreading from my hand small satchel with bread and cheese, and went to crowd, and waved. He nudged the horse’s side the woods. as he, my special ally, looked down at me and to the rest of my body," An hour passed. The crystal was somewhat tapped under his chin. The ground frost crackled cooler than it had been. Another hour passed, under the hooves. still no Ian. Just as worry began to gnaw away at Ian left without looking back. Ireplied, surprised. "It me, I heard a stick fracture. I spun around, and I watched him gallop through the sparse there was Ian, very haggard-looking", dirty, thin, line of balding trees, up the hill, and over it.\ never did this before" and somewhat older. Slowly, I walked to the woods, feeling angry and I nearly stepped on Cyril as I lunged fo r- sad. Cyril met me at the edge of the trees. I ward to hug Ian. I felt that glow without the picked him up and carried him with me. are feeling is that glow, the glow inside the crystal now. I tried to pull away from him after a The haven was gray with coming winter. I -shape. And as long as you can hold that and feel hugbutbrief he held me tightly, his face buried sniffed and pined until the Birthing Woman its warmth, Ian is safe.” in my neck. came and told me not to worry. She asked me if “But what if it becomes cold?” I asked , "I knew you'd be here," he mumbled through I knew what my crystal was for. I told her l didn’t , alarmed. a s n i f f . but that I was sure it was magical, though I never “We shall worry then if such a thing hap- " Of course I'm here, Ian. How could | not found what its’ magic was. pens,” she replied. “For now, I am sending Cyril J be?” I replied. “Yes, it is enchanted,” she replied. She out to follow him. Ian needs your little friend _He sniffed again. I sensed he was crying a smelled like roses and honeysuckle, an odd more than you do. " little and allowed him to preserve a bit of cus- scent for such a time of year. "Ian was a very tomary manhood by doing it or my shoulder. unhappy little boy, Eve, as I'm sure you know. On Several weeks passed. The crystal was cooP*8 After a few minutes, he stepped back. the days you spent with your mother, and Ian only once during that time, and me. Birthing "How did you know I'd be here today?" he was alone, he would often come here by himself. Woman told me that he was very ill with a lung asked. Often he would cry. I gave Cyril to you both to sickness, but would get better. During Ian’s time “The crystal you gave me. How did you watch over you and to help me. Cyril tried to away, I spent much time thinking about our lives know I’d meet you?” I replied. comfort Ian, but he was also working on a together. He had been my brother, best friend, A similar crystal, the same color as Ian’s charm.” ally, and confidante. When he returned, he would eyes, dangled from a thin, gold chain. “I have Her remarkably smooth hand gently grasped become someone’s husband and soon a king. I one, too. Cyril brought it to me the first night I my pendant. “Every tear Ian shed in these woods was beginning to realize that once he returned, was away from home. I didn’t know what it was is in this crystal. Cyril dabbed the tears from the only thing that might bind us would :be the for, and when I held it, it turned warm. Cyril Ian’s face and brought them to me. I collected crystal of his tears. began chattering, looking up and jumping at sky them in a jar and, when I knew it was time, called The sickness Ian had became a mild epi­ frantically. There was nothing but thousands of the elements to create this for you. demic which spread into Nede. Many people dots of light, and I remembered what I told you “I thought it a nice touch to make it match became ill, and some of them died. The Birthing when I gave the pendant. I figured it had to.be your eyes.” Woman was seen often at this time, aiding the connected to you somehow.” I did not understand the process or point of sick with herbal potions. Once, she visited our I quickly told him the story about the crys--

4 6 Gumbo Magazine Spring 1991 tals, and he enjoyed the story immensely. “The poor thing’s chest was a mass of ing in common with or even liked. “So, how was your trip?” I asked noncha­ scarlet plates and scars. He seemed to be think- " The day I left for the quest was the worst lantly. ing, 'Oh, another one of those creatures.' Slowly, day of my life. Had you never existed, leaving my “Double how bad I look, and that is how my the dragon reached up and pulled a huge: scale home would have been a blessing, but you do trip was,” he responded. from his chest without a flinch. He dropped it on exist, and you’ve had a part in shaping who I am." Suddenly, I remembered what happened to the ground and swished his tail to push it towards his bride. “Ian, I have to tell you something,” I me; I was so stunned, Eve, I couldn't move. After “Oh, Ian.” I suddenly felt faced with des­ began. “It’s not an appropriate time, but I think a few seconds, the beast lumbered off into his tiny; something I could not control. We glanced I should now, regardless." cave and never came out again." at each other for a while. “Have you had time to “Beulah is dead.” By now, I was laughing so hard tears were accept that I am not what you thought I was? I’m Quite surprised, I nodded. trickling from my eyes. How funny it was that not like other women, Ian. Even though I know He explained to me that he passed through, every tale and every prince's account of his the wiles and ways of what I am supposed to be her father’s kingdom on his return and found meeting with the dragon was this terrific, heroic as a woman, I'm more than a woman; I am a that many people had died from the sickness he battle with an evil monster ! The poor dragon was person. I cannot accept a role that would force had had. It was there that he found out about her nothing more than a slovenly, bored, over-grown me to be anything less than I’ve become.” death. Ian said he felt badly for her family, but reptile. "I don’t want you to. I’ve always had my that he felt little for her because she was no more Ian reached into the bag he had thrown to suspicions about you. Your parents treated you than an acquaintance, though she was to be his the ground and pulled out a dragon scale, the differently, like a special gift. You demanded bride. color of the deepest scarlet zinnias Mother ever respect and respected others in turn. And never We, with Cyril’s help, spread a thick blanket grew. It was four times bigger than Ian’s hand, in our lives have we ever suffered the silence I’ve of leaves along the frozen earth. I sat down, and slightly thicker than bark, and very smooth. seen among men and women everywhere I’ve Ian lay with his head on my lap and munched on “Hundreds of years of guests have made been. I’d be killing what I most love about you if the snack I brought. He told me of his adventures him complacent, then, lan?" I asked, smiling at I asked you to change.” | i along the way, meeting people of other cultures, him. “So what are you going to tell everyone “So what you’re about to suggest is that we seeing hunger and disease, wishing he were now?” I was very curious to see what tale he had get married?” I bluntly demanded of him. home. But what I was most curious about was created to save face, “Yes, for who could better suit the other?” the scarlet-breasted dragon. Ian smiled at me. “I haven’t decided yet. His hand darted into a coat pocket, and he Ian sat up for this. "I had to guess where the Perhaps you can help me with that one, miss. dropped on one knee before me. “Would you dragon was, based on some clues Father had Actually, I haven’t much thought about it.” many me, Eve?” Ian lifted my hand to him and written forme.Iwasfrightenedwritten to shakes. “And why not? I should think that’s the first slipped a golden band studded with emeralds “Cyril had joined me throughout the trip, question most people will ask, Ian. You wouldn’t and sapphires on my finger. and he helped me find the beast. He scurried want to disappoint,” I teased. “As l am?” I asked, almost near crying with ahead of me one late afternoon and soon met me He was silent for a while, swinging his some .silly joy. I again. He chattered loudly, and I knew I was crystal from the chain. Cyril was sleeping on a "As no other," he responded, kissing my near. high branch above us, kicking bits of bark to the hand. | "So, cautiously, I approached the lair. I ground. “Well...” I began, I suppose we would be peeked far beyond each tree in my path. Finally, "Eve, I must ask you something,” he finally very happy if the last eighteen years is any I looked- and there he was! He was this hulking said. indication of what may be. There is one thing I brownish-green monster with a huge belly. And “What is it?” I replied. must have, though.” | he was asleep. I thought, ‘Well, if this isn’t He glanced down, then up at Cyril, then at “Anything you want,"I an proraised me incredibly fortunate.’ I came closer, noticing the me. “Do yof love me,Eve? I an asked flatly. brightly. “Not like I could stop you if you truly black claws, which were worn to nubs. Wisps of “Of course I do. I've known you forever. wanted it.” He stood up again. smoke rose from his hairy nostrils.” Don’t be silly,” I answered, getting this strange “I must have a key to the castle libraries." I nodded, giggling. feeling that he meant something else. “For you, there will no longer be doors “I found it hard not to laugh because all my “Yes, I know that. I’m asking you a more blocking your access, Eve,” Ian answered. life, I’ve been told how ferocious and blood- important question. A question I thought about I felt the sides of my mouth bowing into a th irsty the creature was;and there he was asleep, more than the dragon, even more than coming smile in spite of myself. Leaning forward, I with those enormous hairs. Anyway, I was trying home,” he retorted. kissed him squarely, his rough cheeks in my to figure out a way to get my scale, when Cyril Oh. Five months of separation, a lifetime of hands. decided to poke pine cones into the dragon'snose, Isuppose toblock hisfire. Thepoor thing memories and a certain kind of love and he asks We stood there, embraced for a while, my me this. But it’s not like I didn’t think about it thoughts blurring, my crystal glowing. Over began to snort and awoke with a start. I was during those nights I sat lip, counting the stars, Ian’s shoulder, I saw the Birthing Woman stand­ within claws’ reach. Cyril began running around feeling warm. “Yes, lan," I said. “I love you.” A ing with her right hand on a great oak tree, the beast to distract him, but the dragon just long pause. “Do you love me?” bathed in milky light. She smiled, raised a finger looked at him, then at me. He scratched the "Of course I love you. I wouldn’t have asked to her lips, and drifted into the maze of trees. cones from his nose and blew.. you if i didnl” he responded. “I’ve loved you “There’s just one thing we have to worry “A droopy stream of flames came out. I was since we were children, Eve, only then it was about, Eve,” Ian suddenly whispered into my too stunned to run, but I had my sword ready. different. During that time when my sisters were hair: The dragon rolled onto his hind legs and looked getting married and Mother was teaching me to “What’s my mother going to say?” around. He peered at me with this very pathetic, be a proper prince, I wondered why I was prepar­ THE END bored look, and I stared at his enormous chest. ing to marry someone, anyone, who I had noth­

Sping 1991 Gumbo Magazine 4 7 P arting S hot

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by eric parsons by wayne "gonzo" schexnayder

Spring 1991___Gumbo Magazine 49 1991 LSU Basketball JANUARY Tues. 15 at Alabama 8:30 p.m. Sat. 19 OLE MISS 7:30 p.m . Tue. 22 at Tennessee 8:30 p.m. Sat. 26 FLORIDA 7:30 p.m . W ed. 30 MISSISSIPPI STATE 7:00 p.m . FEBRUARY Sat. 2 at Vanderbilt 1:00 p.m. Tue. 5 KENTUCKY 8:30 p.m . Fri.8 at Georgia 6:30 p.m. Sun* 10 at Duke 1:00 p.m. Wed. 13 AUBURN 7:30 p.m. Sun. 17 ALABAMA 1:00 p.m . Wed. 20 at Ole Miss 7:00 p.m. Sat. 23 TENNESSEE 1:00 p.m . Wed. 27 at Florida 7:00 p.m. MARCH Sat. 2 at Mississippi State 7:30 p.m.

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