101 Cheesy Baseball Jokes ... that You'll Laugh at Anyway
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1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2. Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? Someone stole second base.
3. Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
4. Which animal is best at baseball? The bat.
5. The reason baseball games are at night is because bats sleep during the day.
6. Keep calm… I’m an outfielder. I’ll catch you!
7. Which baseball player holds water? The pitcher
8. What did the baseball glove say to the ball? “Catch ya later!”
9. If you sing while playing baseball you may not get a good pitch.
10. Never hit the ump. The Umpire Strikes Back.
11. Why was it always so windy at Candlestick Park? Because of all the Giant Fans.
12. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Forget it. It’s way over your head.
13. What’s the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder? One catches drops and the other drops catches.
14. I like baseball so much more than football. It’s just a batter game.
15. It was so foggy today that the Cubs couldn't even see who was beating them.
16. Who's the most famous Los Angeles Dodger? O.J. Simpson.
17. Why is it so hot at Rays games? Because there's not a fan in the place.
18. You might be a diamond nerd if you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are, "Play Ball."
19. How Do Baseball Players Stay Friends? They touch base every once in awhile.
20. What Do You Get When You Cross A Tree With A Baseball Player? Babe Root.
21. Did you hear the joke about the baseball? It will leave you in stitches.
22. What did the baseball glove say to the ball? ”Catch ya later!”
23. Why are some umpires such healthy eaters? They always clean their plate.
24. Why are spiders good baseball players? Because they know how to catch flies.
25. Have you ever seen a line drive? No but I have seen a baseball park.
26. Did you hear the joke about the fast pitch? Forget it. You just missed it.
27. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Forget it. It’s way over your head.
28. What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog? You can buy a Yankee hot dog in October.
29. Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base? From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle.
30. Bob didn’t believe that Fred’s dog could talk. So Fred asked his dog, “What’s on top of a house?”…“Roof,” the dog barked. Bob wasn’t convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels….“Rough.” He still wasn’t convinced. “O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time?” Fred asked the dog….“Ruth.” With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: “Should I have said Gehrig?”
31. Where did the baseball player wash his socks? In the bleachers.
32. A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the pitcher. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.” “When is that?” “Right after the national anthem.”
33. What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man? Pitching like no one has ever seen.
34. Which superhero is the best at baseball? Batman.
35. What cartoon character is the best at baseball? Homer Simpson.
36. What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team.
37. Why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there?
38. Why are frogs good outfielders? They never miss a fly.
39. What is a hitter’s favorite thing about going to the park? The swings.
40. A book never written: “How to Be a Better Baseball Player” by Ben Schwarmer.
41. Why are singers good at baseball? Because they have perfect pitch.
42. Do you know what cupcakes & a baseball team have in common? They both count on the batter.
43. What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster? A double header.
44. What are the rules in zebra baseball? Three stripes and you’re out. 45. What do baseball players use to bake a cake? Oven mitts, bunt pans, and batter.
46. A book never written: “The Quickest Baseball Game” by Earl E. Wynn.
47. Why did the baseball player shut down his website? He wasn’t getting any hits.
48. What does a ballplayer do when his eyesight starts going bad? He gets a job as an umpire.
49. Where does a baseball player go when he needs a new uniform? New Jersey
50. A man leaves home, makes a left turn, makes another left, then another left turn and goes home again. When he gets home there are two men wearing masks waiting for him. Who are they? The catcher and the umpire.
51. Why did the baseball player bring a pacifier to the game? He wanted to play like the Babe.
52. Why don’t matches play baseball? One strike, and they’re out!
53. Manager: Our new infielder cost $10 million. I call him our “Wonder Player.” Every time he plays, I wonder why I bothered to get him.
54. What do baseball players eat on? Home plates.
55. What is the difference between a boy who is late for dinner and a baseball hit over the fence? One runs home and the other is a home run.
56. Why are baseball players so rich? Because they play on diamonds.
57. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he pitches? If he raised both legs, he would fall down.
58. How can you pitch a winning baseball game without throwing a ball? Only throw strikes. 59. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be? Five after nine.
60. Where does a catcher sit for dinner? Behind the plate.
61. Did you hear the joke about your pitching style? Never mind. It’s foul.
62. Two guys are walking down a street in hell when it begins to snow. One guy looks up at it and says, “Well, it finally happened. The Cubs just won the World Series.”
63. What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists? One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
64. What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves? The fence.
65. You are locked inside a car with nothing but a baseball bat. How do you get out? Unlock the door.
66. Why couldn’t the fans get soda pop at the double header? Because the home team lost the opener.
67. There once was a pitcher so bad, the crowd started singing, “Take Him Out of The Ball Game!”.
68. One hit struck a chicken… Now that was a real “fowl ball!”
69. What do you get if you cross a lizard with a baseball player? An outfielder who catches flies with his tongue.
70. Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat? Father Vampire: By the wings, son.
71. Why was the mummy sent into the game as a pinch hitter? Because the manager knew, once he sent the mummy in the game would be all wrapped up.
72. One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, “”Very well. But you realize that we’ve got all the good players, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and the best coaches.” The devil snickered, “I know, and that’s all right, We’ve got all the umpires.”
73. What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet? A throw rug.
74. The pitcher really had good control today ... Didn’t miss a bat for three innings!
75. A baseball scout found a remarkable prospect -- a horse who was a pretty good fielder and who hit the ball every time he was up at bat. The scout got him a tryout with a big league team. Up at bat, the horse slammed the ball into far left field and stood at the plate, watching it go. “Run!” the manager screamed, “Run!” “Are you kidding?” answered the horse. “If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby.”
76. What happens to baseball players who go blind? They become umpires.
77. What do Jose Offerman and Michael Jackson have in common They both where a glove for no apparent reason.
78. They both where a glove for no apparent reason.
79. Why couldn’t Robin play baseball? He forgot his bat, man.
80. Why did the vampire strike out? He used the wrong bat!
81. Why is hotter after a baseball game? All the fans have left.
82. When should baseball players wear armor? When they play knight games.
83. When did the baseball team tie up the game? Five to five (4:55) or 10 to 10 (9:50).
84. Why didn’t the Confederate soldier want to go to the baseball game? He heard the Yankees were playing.
85. When is a baseball player like a spider? When he catches flies.
86. Why is a baseball umpire like an angry chicken? They both have fowl mouths!
87. A teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. “Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?” ”The Red Sox.” “Why’s that?” “Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.” “That’s not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?” “No, that would make me a Yankees fan!”
88. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? Right In the big inning … er … beginning.
89. Two baseball teams play a game. The home team ends up winning, but not a single man from either team has touched a base. How can this be? The teams were all-women.
90. Why do you need to take a baseball player with you when you go camping? To pitch the tent.
91. Where is the largest diamond in New York City kept? In Yankee Stadium.
92. What is the best advice to give a young baseball player? If you don’t succeed at first, try second base.
93. Why was the piano tuner hired to play baseball? Because he had perfect pitch.
94. What are the best kind of stockings for baseball players to wear? Stockings with runs in them.
95. Why did the Yankees play in Jellystone Park? Because Yogi wasn’t allowed to leave the park.
96. What famous Greek might have invented baseball? Homer.
97. Why do RV mechanics make good baseball players? Because they know how to make a home run.
98. Which farm animals make the best baseball players? Jersey cows.
99. Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team? Because she ran away from the ball.
100. Where do baseball bats wash up? In the bat tub.
101. Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd base, or from 2nd base to 3rd base? 2nd to 3rd because there is a short stop in the middle.