WHAT IS NSPIRG?
Nova Scotia Public Interest Research Group (NSPIRG) opened its office at Dalhousie University in September 1990 following a student referendum. NSPIRG at Dalhousie is a non-profit organization funded and directed by Dalhousie students and community members. The concept of PIRGs evolved from the consumer advocacy movement of the early 1970s. Now there are over 200 Public Interest Research Groups throughout Canada and the United States.
The goal of NSPIRG is to link research with action on issues of social justice and environmental concern. Through outreach, community networking, lobbying, proactive education and the publication of materials, NSPIRG provides information that will empower community members to become active participants in decisions that affect their lives.
NSPIRG has many working groups addressing everything from animal rights, to homophobia, to economic and food issues, to Zapatista education, to sustainability on campus, to women’s health.
For more information, contact: NSPIRG, 6136 University Ave Halifax, NS B3H 4J2 Ph. 902-494-6479 Email: [email protected] Web: http://www.nspirg.org
A limited number of Single Mothers’ Survival Guides are available free of charge to single parents through the NSPIRG office. Please call us or write to obtain a copy. Many womens’ resource centres and community organizations across Nova Scotia have copies of the Single Mothers’ Survival Guide. Please feel free to make copies of this guide and distribute it widely, but sale is prohibited. NSPIRG appreciates donations for the Single Mothers’ Survival Guide (each copy costs approximately $8 to produce).
THIS BOOK IS ALSO AVAILABLE IN A DIGESTED VERSION ONLINE AT http://survivalguide.nspirg.org
FOREWARD
In 1989, single mom and activist Brenda Thompson, published the first Single Mothers’ Survival Guide. The guide recognized the economic, social, and political hardships experienced by single mothers and offered specific and practical information on how to cope when living in poverty in the metro-Halifax area.
In the fall of 1990, NSPIRG began working in cooperation with Brenda Thompson, to create an expanded version of the original guide for single mothers across Nova Scotia. Since then, the book has been updated and redesigned several times.
In this sixth edition, new information was added, chapters were updated and some parts rewritten, including a new section on cooperative and collective childcare. The graphics were changed and a new cover was added.
Brenda Thompson’s experiences and observations as a single mother are still applicable 16 years later, as is evident from how little of her narrative needed to be changed. Although there have been some positive steps, the conditions single mothers in poverty and their children live under in the 21st century are slow to change. The strength that Brenda spoke of is still needed today. Examples of this strength are shown in the new and final chapter Single Moms Speak, the thoughts and stories of five single mothers living in Nova Scotia today.
Special thanks to all those who helped in this new edition, including Melissa Buote, Christine Davison, Laura Dawe, Meaghan M., Diane Simon, Vicki Fraser, Meghan Leslie, Ardath Whynacht, the Dalhousie Women’s Centre, Dalhousie Legal Aid, and the Department of Community Services.
Rearing children with inadequate support is an achievement to be proud of. The travesty is that we must continue to create handbooks such as these, while our system perpetuates the impoverishment of women.
Please feel absolutely free to reproduce this and pass it on to any single moms. Permission is not granted for resale.
Published 2005 by NSPIRG The Nova Scotia Public Interest Research Group 6136 University Ave Halifax, NS B3H 4J2 Phone: 902-494-6479 Email: [email protected] Web: http://www.nspirg.org
Written By: Brenda Thompson
Updated By: Jessica Whyte, Diane Simon (2006) Jessica Block (2000) Karen MacDonald (1996) Carolyn Smith (1995)
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
Welcome to the world of single motherhood! It doesn’t matter if you have been a single mother for forty years or whether you are new to the situation. We all need each other.
No doubt you have heard of all the bad things about being a single mother: the names we are called, the lack of respect and recognition for the work we do poverty most of us live in, and so on. However, there are also a number of good things about being a single mom which you discover as you go along. You discover strengths you never knew you had, you find out how resourceful you are, and you find out just how independent you can be! Being a low-income single mom does not mean that we must live in misery. It makes life a heck of a lot more challenging. We can face these challenges together by sharing experiences and information, by getting together and organizing and making our needs and demands heard, and by making ourselves visible. That is the purpose of this Nova Scotian edition of the Single Mothers’ Survival Guide.
In January, 1990 Pandora Publishing helped me release a booklet called the Single Mothers’ Survival Guide. I had written this booklet because through my own experiences and the experiences of single moms I had met, I saw a need for information for low-income single mothers.
Within ten days, almost all 1000 booklets were gone. By early February I had done interviews for national radio and television. By mid-February Pandora’s office was swamped with letters and phone calls from across Canada and the northern United States. Single moms, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, social workers, church people, anti poverty organizations, and other provincial governments all wanted copies of the Single Mothers’ Survival Guide. A second printing was run in May 1990 and, once again, Pandora was besieged with letters and phone calls from people wanting copies.
During the spring of 1990 I traveled around mainland Nova Scotia and talked to women who had used the guide to see if they found it useful. I found an overwhelming need for information on a provincial basis. Not only single mothers wanted to know this information, but also friends and families of single moms who wanted to help. Single mothers wanted to know what was available for them across the province and they wanted to know what their rights were. The list of questions and information needed went on and on.
In this booklet I have tried to include every “type” of single mom and situation we could possible be in. I have thought of black, white, immigrant, native, lesbian, people with disabilities, older and very young single moms. I have included many subjects that I had written on before, such as social assistance, daycare, housing and food banks. I have also put in new sections such as “Transition Houses”, “Herstory”, and a section called “How to Become Politically Active.”
We have all heard the saying that knowledge is power and I believe this is true. If we know our rights, people can’t bring us down so easily. We can make decisions for ourselves and not let someone else tell us what is right or wrong for us. We can also link up with others as we are learning to claim our rights.
The situation for single mother families is not getting any better, especially in Nova Scotia. The cost of many basic necessities such as gas, oil, electricity, food, and housing is going up at a very fast rate and daycare is still not widely available or affordable.
This is why we MUST come together and organize. Single mother groups must form, and these groups must meet with labour groups, native bands, and other groups that are working towards an equal society. It is crucial that we take an active role in the politics of this country, whether it is voicing our opinion in a Letter to the Editor of our local newspaper, protesting for our human rights, or running for office in a provincial or federal election. Never forget that there are more poor people than there are rich people. The rich are well organized but we are the majority. We are women, we are voters, we are organizing, and we are understanding our political power, influence, and voice.
In writing this book, you will notice that I have used an assertive tone. Some people will take offence to this, others will enjoy it. It is important to note that the opinions expressed are mine. I have written to you the same way I would talk to you. It is important that low-income single mothers learn to be assertive. If you are passive and polite, as we were brought up to be as little girls, you will not survive in this system. It is crucial that we learn to stand up for ourselves. This means adopting a manner which some people find “uppity.” Never mind them if they complain to you about your attitude. You are a survivor! Just remember the saying, “Sad is the person’s life whose pleasures rely upon the approval of others!” UPPITY WOMEN UNITE!
In the writing, organizing, and agonizing over this new edition, I had the help, support, and encouragement of some very special people. They are:
Barbara Moore and Jim Sacouman: You have both taught me so much, politically and spiritually. You have opened doors for me and encouraged me to tread the path which I thought was impossible for me. You have taught me, advised me, listened to me and had patience with me. Your friendship is one of my greatest treasures. I could never express the full depth of my gratitude and love to both of you!
To my parents, who wish to remain nameless (they’re the ones with the FOR SALE sign on the front lawn of their house and the paper bags on their heads!): Didn’t you realize when you were naming me that “Brenda” means “the agitator?” So don’t blame me for this! Sheesh!
To my brothers, Bruce and Donnie: Thanks for all the Male Chauvinist Pig arguments you gave me over the supper table when we were growing up. You two prepared me for this!
To my daughter, Megan: Don’t ever forget – none of this would be possible if you didn’t come along when you did. I love you.
To Anna-Marie Larsen (see, I spelled your name right!): Doing work such as this means rewards such as becoming friends with a wonderful person like you! (Hokey eh?)
To Louise Ardenne: You’ve had more than a little finger in this pie. You’ve given me a guiding hand.
To NSPIRG: Wow! We did it! NSPIRG’s first big project is completed! I would like to thank all of the Board members and staff who have such commitment to social justice that they were and are prepared to take on the task of putting this book together. Congratulations on your first year on campus! May we have a long history together!
Special kudos are also extended to Kim Lockwood, Mary DeWolfe, Valda Wallis, Patti Munroe, Heather Macmillan, Debbie Reimer, Brenda Barnes, Andrew Fraser, the Bridgewater Second Story Women’s Centre, and the editorial staff at New Maritimes Magazine I want to offer a big thank-you to Debbie Mathers. I especially want to send warm thanks of sisterhood and solidarity to all the women who have shared with me their stories, their strength, and their wisdom. You are unforgettable!
And finally, to John, my daughter’s father: If you weren’t so utterly spineless I would never have been put into the situation which forced me to find my strengths. Thank you for the wonderful daughter and thanks for being such a weiner!
-Brenda Thompson
SINGLE MOTHERS AND THE POVERTY LAWS IN NOVA SCOTIA: A BRIEF HERSTORY
You will notice that this chapter is called a herstory instead of a history. It is important to me that as women we recognize the valuable contribution women make to the human story. Remember in school when we studied history and we memorized the dates of wars, battles and other male achievements? Well, herstory is the human story that includes women and recognizes the importance of women’s work and achievements.
There have always been single mothers in Nova Scotia. We are not some new “problem” that has come up in the last couple of years as a result of rising divorce rates. In Nova Scotia we are widowed, divorced, separated, single by choice, unwed, lesbian, disabled, immigrant, young, and old. We are black, native, yellow, white, and all mixes there of. We are every sort of interesting, strong women. As women and as single mothers, we need to know our herstory to know ourselves. To give you an idea of where Nova Scotian single mothers have come from, I have put together a brief history of single mothers-as much as I could find.
The “history” books I have read on this topic do not specify that the policies for the poor were restricted to only white people. I feel that with the current and historical racism prevalent in this country, these policies would have been restricted to white women only. Also, the Association for Improving the Conditions of the Poor (A.I.C.P.), which originated in the United States and later came to Nova Scotia, made a policy of not helping blacks and natives. Therefore, I must conclude that this policy was carried forth into Nova Scotia. If you are a non-white single mom, I would suggest that the history of the poor laws did not include you until the mid -20th century. From what I have been able to find about native and black single mothers, your ancestors survived because of strong family supports.
At the turn of the nineteenth century the vast majority of single mothers were widows. Death, war, illness, harsh living and working conditions took away the lives of many people but when it took the life of a husband and father, wives and children were often left in poverty. Before divorce laws loosened up, many men simply abandoned their wives and children. Unwed mothers have always been among us but we were punished and charged under the law for having children out of wedlock. Many unwed mothers, who were the most persecuted of mothers, were either forced to give up their children for adoption or commit infanticide (the willful death of an infant shortly after its birth) because they were afraid and felt they had no other choices open to them.
During the last hundred and fifty years there have not been many ways for a single mother to support herself and her children here in Nova Scotia. The government of Nova Scotia, then as now, did not look upon women in poverty with much sympathy. They blamed the woman’s “moral” or “poor judgment” for the situation she found herself in. The woman who was a widow was often considered more “deserving” than other poor woman. Perhaps she was considered deserving because the father of her children didn’t abandon her. Whatever the reason, Nova Scotia has been particularly cruel to single mothers.
What was available for single mother families before the so-called “modern” state or ‘welfare’ evolved? Some mothers were forced to become prostitutes on a part basis. In 1860, the number of prostitutes in Halifax was estimated to be between 600 to 1000. Some mothers had to sell themselves and their children as a source of unpaid labour. The mother was sold to one buyer, the children to another and they become known as “the poor for a year”. They could put their children into orphanages or send them to either the poorhouse or the workhouse. Poorhouses and workhouses were large institutional buildings where people went to live and work. The conditions there were extremely harsh; this was considered a last resort. Eventually government policy makers decided it was best to try to keep families together and give aid to families instead of splitting the family up by sending them to a poorhouse or selling the children. Two poor relief organizations were set up. One was the St. Vincent de Paul Society, which was founded in 1853, and the other was the Association for Improving the Condition of the Poor (A.I.C.P.) which was established in 1866 in Halifax.
At first only windows were given financial assistance, as they were considered the most deserving of poor women. They received money for traditional work such as scrubbing, cleaning, and needlework. Today this is called a “workfare” program. Then, as now, the women received barely enough to live on. Women who had worked as prostitutes did not qualify for assistance under the policies of the A.I.C.P. as they were considered “unfit”. Eventually, wives of prisoners were given aid. Unwed mothers were denied aid and were sent to “homes” for unwed mothers.
The Home of the Guardian Angel was founded in Halifax in 1887. Most of the women who went there gave up their children for adoption as they simply did not have many choices. If she did decide to have the child and raise it herself she could be charged under the criminal laws for having an illegitimate child. Unwed mothers could go to the poorhouse where they would give birth to their babies. The children would live as inmates and were made to work as soon as they were old enough. This continued through the 1920s and 1930s.
In 1930, a new assistance program was set up, again, available only to widows. It was called “Mother’s Allowance.” It wasn’t until 1958 that financial assistance was extended to cover other categories of single mothers such as abandoned or divorced single moms. Unwed mothers were still not given any assistance. In 1966, the Federal Government developed a cost sharing agreement with the provinces for financial assistance for people in poverty. This is known as the Canada Assistance Program (C.A.P.) This program made it mandatory for the provinces to provide people on assistance with the basic minimum standards of living.
It was not until 1971, just 25 years ago, that the Province of Nova Scotia passed legislation which gave unwed mothers financial assistance. No longer did they have to face the bleak choice of giving up their child for adoption or starving while trying to raise the child. Since that time most unwed mothers have been keeping their children and raising them by themselves. This has caused concern in the past couple of years with some couples, politicians and church leaders who have claimed that there are no longer any children available for adoption.
In 1983, the Social Services Minister introduced Bill 61 which “cut” unwed mothers under 19 years of age off assistance. This was supported to discourage young girls from having sex. It was also a way of forcing young mothers to give up their children. In 1988, after five years of protest from single mothers’ groups and activists who pointed out that this bill was violating the Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms, Bill 61 was amended to give teen mothers easier access to Family Benefits.
Paul Martin’s 1995 federal budget indicated massive cuts to health care, post-secondary education, ‘welfare’ and social services, through the demise of the Canadian Assistance Plan (CAP) and the introduction of the Canada Health and Social Transfer (CHST) which began on April 1, 1996. The CHST means the end of specifically allocated funds for the provinces for social services and ‘welfare’ and combines the federal transfer of funding for provincial social programs (healthcare, post-secondary education and social services) into one block fund to be spent at the Province’s total discretion. The CHST has no rights or standards for social assistance and social services, except the no-residency requirement (which is already in the Charter). The government has agreed to enshrine in the new law the basic rights to health care contained in the Canada Health Act. No such agreement has been made about the basic rights to ‘welfare’. With the rights gone in CAP, there is no guarantee that Canadians in need will get financial assistance. In Nova Scotia, these changes will mean a loss of about $328 million of federal funding over three years leaving health programmes, post-secondary education and social services to wrestle among themselves for the few available dollars. (RECAP, 1996.) 10 RECAP (Real Expectations of Communities Against Poverty) was organized in the summer of 1995 to increase awareness among the public, consumers and social service agencies about the consequences of the funding cuts, the demise of CAP, and the introduction of the new CHST. RECAP has met its own demise and is no longer together. However, HCAP (Halifax Coalition Against Poverty) now exists in this region to assist individuals in defending themselves against abuse by landlords, the ‘welfare’ system, employers, and others. They are also involved in advocacy work.
We single mother families are among the fastest growing family unit in Canada. We are growing at a faster rate than two-parent families. Between 1971 and 1991, the number of married couples had decreased by 16%, while the number of single-parent families (82% of which are headed by women) had increased by 3.5%. Married couples accounted for 80% of families in 1980, but only 73% in 2001. What’s interesting to note is that family structure was not taken into account in the most recent 2001 Census. We know that poverty rates for single mothers reached points as high as 57.2% in 1996, but this figure is no longer available or updated in the new Census. . The Vanier Institute of the Family has estimated that 40% of new marriages will end in divorce. This means that most women in Canada will spend at least some part of their life as a single mother. Most likely she and her children will live in poverty. In her Report Card on Women and Poverty, April 2000, Monica Townson cites the Royal Commission on the Status of Women, as reporting that today, 56% of families with children headed by sole-support mothers are poor.
The poverty is not her fault. It is the fault of old beliefs, fears, and attitudes toward women who are independent. Although the number of single mother families is growing at a faster rate than two-parent families, we are in poverty much more than they are. Why is this? This is because we don’t have a second income or even the male income. This is also because we can’t afford the costs of daycare for our children which would enable us to go into the work force. The fathers of our children often don’t pay their court ordered child support after they have left or have been removed from the relationship. Women are also paid much lower wages than men and are not awarded promotions as often, or as many well-paid positions as men. All of these conditions and others contribute to us and our children living in poverty.
The most important thing for us to remember is that single mother families are not “broken families.” To say that we are broken is to imply that there is a piece not working. We do not have to be the traditional nuclear family in order to “work.” There are many other types of families other than the “nuclear” family (which always sounds like it’s going to blow up anyway!). 11 We have been and continue to be strong. Our children are growing up in an atmosphere of independence. They are no different from millions of other Canadian children. So be proud! We will continue to create herstory! We will create herstory by and for ourselves and together with other groups that have been systematically put down. Be proud and share your pride!
12 SOCIAL ASSISTANCE
As single mothers, we need many supports that are practically unavailable outside the ‘welfare’ system. We need a “breadwinner’s” wage and all the benefits that go with that wage to be able to work outside the home and raise our families. But, in Nova Scotia, where women will make, on average, seventy-two cents for each dollar a man makes, where we are discriminated against when it comes to promotions, and where we don’t get the benefits packages that many men do get, it isn’t any real surprise that we must turn to social assistance to keep our children with us.
Before you make an appointment to see an intake worker at Community Services, remember these points:
If you have ever worked for wages, you have paid taxes. If you have ever purchased something, you’ve paid taxes. Some of this money is taken from paycheques and purchases to make up the Community Services budget. You’ve paid into this system and now you need it. Politicians like to call this the “safety net.”
It is every person’s right to apply for assistance.
Try to treat the intake worker and the caseworkers as you would expect them to treat you. You will find that some workers are very friendly and want to help. But you may also meet up with some who are rude and pushy. DO NOT LET THEM INTIMIDATE YOU. You are no less a person than they are just because your circumstances have brought you into their office.
When the intake worker or caseworker comes to your home and you don’t like the way s/he is treating you or if you find they are snooping around your house without your invitation, you have every right to ask them to leave. Then call the supervisor of the office, tell her or him your complaint and ask them to send someone else next time. You do not have to put up with being treated as less than a decent human being simply because you are a single mother who needs financial assistance. That said, do carefully consider what tactics you choose to engage. You should never put up with being treated poorly, but the saying that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar is often correct. Be professional and courteous and ask for the same in return.
It is important to remember that most of the people who will deal with you are men and women who have a high school diploma or their undergraduate degree. They are called CASEWORKERS, but they are not social workers. This means that most of them do not have the training to understand what you are going through. They are there to calculate a budget for you. They cannot afford any kind of 13 counseling to help you with the stress you are experiencing, particularly if you think you may have done something wrong.
Be careful about how much information you offer to your caseworker. It will probably be to your benefit if you just stick to answering what they ask you instead of offering extra information that could work to your disadvantage. Even if the caseworker seems to be sympathetic and supportive, it is still their job to use what you tell them to make decisions about your case.
Sometimes caseworkers say things to you like “I’ll give you $60 for babysitting…” or “I’ll let you have twenty dollars to help with…”. This kind of talk would lead us to believe that the money is actually coming out of their own pockets! It is not! They do not GIVE us any money. The money we receive comes from the same source as their paycheque. Don’t put up with case workers saying these kinds of things to you.
If you are nervous about being in an office alone with a caseworker or if you think the worker will say something to you which you may want a witness to hear, you can always take a friend into the office with you. It feels better knowing that you have someone there on your side. It can also help to have an extra fresh set of ears to listen to all the crap for you and help you weed through it afterwards.
SOCIAL ASSISTANCE
ALWAYS save every single letter or memo that you receive from your caseworker or the Department of Community Services as you may need them for an appeal or for any other number of things. The Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act also says that you can ask to obtain copies of your records and correspondence at any time. You do have access to your personal information, but it is often easier and saves time if you are able to save on to personal copies of the documents. And ALWAYS ask for everything – you may just be able to get what you need covered by assistance. You may need to ask the caseworker to tell you not only about the different benefit programs and special needs available to you, but also what you have to do to be eligible and whether there will be a maximum amount covered. A Client Handbook is available, either by request or in the waiting room, which explains general information about the Employment Support and Income Assistance (ESIA) program. There are also individual Fact Sheets on specific topics to give you more details. Sometimes caseworkers may not explain all the programs/ benefits you may be eligible for if they are not aware of your needs or do not know all the information themselves.
Make sure you read Chapter 5 and 6 of the Nova Scotia Employment Support and 14 Income Assistance Manual so you can be aware of what’s available to you. It is available here: http://www.gov.ns.ca/coms/manual/
This is also the same policy manual that caseworkers will refer to. It will help you know what to expect and what will be expected of you (eg doctor’s notes, home visits, etc).
When you go to the local District Office (some people you know may still refer to it as the “‘welfare’ office”), dress comfortably. Be yourself. Hold your head up; look everyone straight in the eye. You are not there begging; you are there to get what you are entitled to. It is not a handout. Remember the workers there are paid by the same source your cheque comes from.
CHANGES WITH SOCIAL ASSISTANCE
The latest Employment Support and Income Assistance Act came into effect August 01, 2001.
Keep in close contact with your community services or legal aid offices, as sometimes regulations may change without you even knowing. You can contact Legal Aid and Community Services. The Legal Information Society is also useful. It publishes pamphlets explaining legal talk in a singular way. See the Numbers to Know section for all these phone numbers.
ELIGIBILITY
In order to receive assistance, you have to fill out an employability assessment form and create an employment plan with your caseworker. You will be asked three employability questions to determine if you may be eligible for employability supports through a more in-depth assessment. As a result of this assessment, you must either be willing to work or be participating in an “approved educational program,” such as high school, upgrading, a literacy program or technical or professional training for two years or less (See the chapter on education for more details about education changes). Don’t forget to ask for additional special funds to help with schooling costs. If you do not cooperate, your assistance can be cut off. If you are a new mother you may have a grace period of one year after the birth of your child before you have to participate.
You are only allowed to keep 30% of your net wages if you are a working single mother. Many anti-poverty groups feel that the rates are too low. It is very difficult for single mothers to survive in this system let alone get away from it. 15 Some more money has been given for transportation and childcare to try and help you to be employed. You can receive up to $400 a month for childcare. You can receive up to $150 per month per family for transportation, but this is usually limited to $60 for a bus pass unless you can prove a need for taxis (e.g. you work outside of the hours that the bus operates). There is money for work-related needs such as uniforms, safety equipment, personal hygiene supplies, or school books. You can also get money to obtain basic furnishings or special diet requirements. You must advocate for yourself though and ask your caseworker for these funds. They won’t ask you if you need money to buy a safe crib if they don’t know there is a need, you must tell them.
There is also a one-time “bonus” when you start a new job. Those who start full- time jobs receive $400 and part-time jobs receive $200. This changed last year and these funds are no longer provided up front - if there are start up costs they can be requested through special needs. The personal allowance for adults receiving assistance is $184. You can also obtain a Child Benefit Adjustment of up to $133 per child if you didn’t receive your Nova Scotia Child Benefit or National Child Benefit Supplement.
You will still receive shelter allowance for you and your child(ren) as well as money for special needs. The new standardized rates for shelter are as follows:
Two people will receive $550. Three or more people will receive $600. There is an additional shelter allowance of up to $300 available for single persons with a disability, single persons fleeing an abusive situation, and others with special circumstances. There is a further amount available in addition to the $300 for people with special circumstances, such as a terminally ill family member. Contact the Department for more details.
Please consult your local Department of Community Services office regularly to obtain accurate updates on the status of these and other changes.
HOW TO APPLY
To apply for Income Assistance, call your regional or district Department of Community Services office. You will have to make an appointment with an intake worker before you can apply to receive assistance. An intake worker will help you to fill out several forms asking for information about your marital and financial situation. To make an appointment with an intake worker, call your local Community Services office and leave your name and number with the receptionist. The intake worker may call you back within a few hours. If they don’t call you back within the day, try again and let the receptionist know this is your second call. But, 16 if it’s an emergency, such as your child needs medication right away, be sure to explain the situation. If they still don’t return your call, go to the office in person to demand an appointment.
If you have dependents in your care, one of the questions from the Caseworker will be with regards to child support/maintenance. If you have an Order for child support with the other parent, you will need to provide a copy of the document to assist with the determination of your eligibility. It is a requirement of eligibility for income assistance to seek support /maintenance for a dependent child in your care. This can be done through Family Court or through the Family Maintenance Income Support (FMIS) program offered through the Income Assistance program. A referral is automatically made to the FMIS program if you do not have an Order for child support. The Maintenance Support Caseworker (MSC) will provide you with information on the FMIS program as well as the Family Court process. The role of the MSC is to assess the ability of the other parent to contribute financially to the support of the child, based on their income and the Child Support Guidelines. Based on this information an Agreement between you and the other parent will be established. This Agreement will be registered with the Court and be considered the same as if it were an Order. All Orders are registered with the Maintenance Enforcement Program (MEP).
The Maintenance Enforcement Program was established in 1996 and is a division of the Department of Justice. Their role is to enforce the financial obligations established in the Order.
The requirements to seek child support/maintenance may be waived when potential abuse by the absent spouse or parent poses a serious threat to the recipient, and/or other family members. The requirement to seek whether child support may be waived is determined by the Caseworker/Family Maintenance Support Worker. They must decide that to pursue maintenance would be futile or unreasonable. ����������������������������������������������������������������Remember, you must tell your Caseworker if there are reasons why you don’t want to pursue maintenance.
If the other parent does not make their child support payment, contact your Caseworker and request an ad hoc cheque. If the other parent makes the payment later you are required to repay the Department of Community Services for the ad hoc payment. If the other parent makes irregular or late payments for three consecutive months, you should ask your Caseworker about the Assignment of Maintenance program.
The responsibility for taking your child(ren)’s father to Court and getting support from him is completely up to you. It can be an extremely frustrating experience and you will need the support 17 of good friends and family. If you are on assistance or applying for assistance, you qualify for Nova Scotia Legal Aid. Go to the NSLA office and apply to have a lawyer help you.
When you apply for Income Assistance, you will be asked to fill out some forms that will require you to answer many questions about your financial situation and personal circumstances. Be prepared to answer questions about personal things such as whether you have a drug addiction, or a mental health issue that would interfere with you working. This helps them to stream you in their employability assessments.
After your application has been completed, you will be considered for assistance. If the department determines that you are “eligible,” you will receive a home visit from a caseworker within a couple of days. Remember, don’t let him or her scare you. If your application is rejected, you have the right to appeal the decision and may be eligible for emergency assistance (see How To Appeal in this section.)
When the caseworker comes to your home, you will likely be required to sign two forms. These are:
Release of Information Consent Form: This form gives them permission to check into your financial situation. It also allows a sharing of information between any levels of government. An example of this would be looking into your bank account or talking to your employer or landlord and looking at tax records at Canada Customs and Revenue Agency. It is to help them assess whether you are eligible for assistance.
Declaration Respecting Support: This form is filled in for each of the non-custodial parents of your children. It asks for information about how much support you receive from that parent, where he can be found, and who his lawyer is.
Once you begin receiving benefits, you have the responsibility to tell your caseworker of any changes in your situation such as your rent going up, you are getting a job, you are having another child, or any other changes that will affect your income. Most caseworkers will visit you once a year, sometimes more. An annual review is the required minimum.
THE HOME VISIT
A field worker will come to visit your home before you will be granted benefits. This visit may take place a few days or weeks after the application for assistance has been made. 18 The field worker will expect you to hand over: • Your social insurance number • Proof of the date of birth of yourself and of your child(ren). They usually want birth certificates (You can get birth certificates from the Department of Vital Statistics. The phone number is 424-4381. You can pick them up yourself or you can have them mailed to you. If they are mailed, however, it can take up to eight weeks! The cost is $26.50 for the short birth certificate. And $32.00 for the long certificate) If you have a Nova Scotia health card for you and your children, that is now acceptable identification so you don’t have to pay for the birth certificate. • Last light bill, phone bill, etc. • Sources of any other income such as pay cheque stubs, unemployment insurance stubs, etc. • Any other income, debts, and household expenses, as well as your lease/ mortg.
Not every Community Services office will have an intake worker, especially those that are in rural areas. Sometimes the intake worker will end up as your caseworker. In most rural areas, the caseworkers will go out and do the initial application process.
After the home visit, your application will be processed and it will be either accepted or rejected. Either way, you will receive a letter telling you of the decision of the Department of Community Services. If you don’t receive a letter, make sure you get one. If your application is rejected, you may appeal it (see How to Appeal in this section.)
Once you are on Income Assistance, your caseworker should go over what s/he considers your responsibilities. They usually tell you that you are expected to report to them any changes in your marital status, whether you get a job, return to school, or anything else that affects your income. You will sign a form declaring all information true and that tells you of the legal consequences of fraud.
SPECIAL NEEDS AND EMERGENCIES
Under the new regulations/Act, an “Emergency” or a “Special Need” is defined as:
• Any item or service the caseworker thinks is essential for you or your child (often up to their discretion) • Prescription drugs* • Dental work • Eyeglasses 19 • Funeral arrangements • Special transportation, child care • School supplies • Telephone for medical or safety reasons • Maternal nutritional allowance • Special clothing • Special diet • Birth certificates and Social Insurance Number
Make sure that you ask for the things you need even if they aren’t part of the regulations. It is often up to the discretion of your caseworker whether it’s approved and they may provide you with an item or service they feel is necessary.
*There is a Pharmacare program in Nova Scotia. You are eligible for it if you are receiving assistance. You use your Nova Scotia health card when you go to the pharmacy with a prescription and it will show that you are eligible. Then you pay the $5 co-pay charge. If you are disabled you do not have to pay the co-pay. You can also request to be co-pay exempt if you can show you have high medical costs. For example, many frequent prescriptions. There has been an extension to this service. If you find a job and leave income assistance then you can use Pharmacare for one year after.
All requests for special needs must be made to your caseworker. You should try and make an appointment in person as soon as the emergency arises. An official doctor’s note will often be required.
Help Line may be able to help if you or your children need emergency transportation after hours to the hospital and are receiving Income Assistance. Keep the Help Line number on your fridge: 421-1188.
If you have to borrow money from friends or neighbours to cover the emergency need before applying for help, you may be reimbursed for what you borrowed if you meet the criteria. You may not be fully reimbursed depending on the maximum amounts available. You should also get a receipt for the emergency goods or services, if you can (e.g. taxi to the hospital, medicine, etc.).
When it comes to a final decision on whether or not you are eligible for assistant, the caseworker will review all the information once the documentation is complete and make a decision regarding assistance eligibility based on ESIA policy. If your caseworker refuses your request, then you should ask to see the Supervisor, and, if necessary, the District Manager. If your application for assistance is refused, you may request an Administrative Review and if you are not satisfied, you can then file a formal appeal. You can also reapply at any time if your circumstances have 20 changed or there is new information. Reapplying is sometimes easier and faster.
HOW TO APPEAL
When you receive your letter informing you that you have been denied, the Department of Community Services will send you a pamphlet entitled How To Appeal. This pamphlet includes a form on the back that you simply need to fill out and return.
It is a two step process. The first involves returning the form. You will then receive a letter letting you know if your file has been reassessed through an Administrative Review . If you are unsuccessful, you may file a formal appeal. Complete all the information requested and this time your appeal will go to an appeal hearing and you will be given a written decision outlining exactly why your appeal was not upheld.
The Appeal Board will consist of one chairperson, appointed by the current provincial government. This is unfortunate for us, as the person sitting on the Appeal Board generally has NO idea of what it means to be a single mother on assistance. S/he has no idea of the stress involved and usually this person will have their own ideas about who “‘welfare’ mothers” are. Most of the people I have seen on Appeal Boards are white, which means they usually do not know what it means or how to feels to be non-white. The ideas these people generally have about us are far from the truth. This is why it is important for you to have someone there who is on your side and believes you. Remember to remain calm, be firm, and don’t let these people scare you.
Your caseworker will also be there and any witnesses whom either you or the Department of Community Services feel should appear to give evidence to support the case. You and/or your advocate may object to the Appeal Board hearing for any one of the following reasons:
• You or your advocate are asked to leave the room while the Board talks to your caseworker. • The Board refuses to hear your full story or refuses to give you enough time to tell your full side of the story. • The Board allows your caseworker to give evidence which s/he cannot prove. • Your caseworker gives reasons for refusal of benefits which differ from those originally given to you in letters from the department. • The Board permits questions which you feel do not relate to your need for assistance. • Someone you know is sitting on the Board. 21 The decision of the Appeal Board will be sent by letter to you and the Department of Community Services within seven days of the hearing. The decision of the Appeal Board is binding on the Department of Community Services. However, if either party does not agree with the decision of the Appeal Board, an appeal can be filed with the Supreme Court. This must be done as soon as possible after the decision is received (see The Legal Aid section of this book). It is advisable to have a lawyer for this as Court appeals can be complicated and are only allowed on specific grounds. Remember, you are eligible for Nova Scotia Legal Aid.
Remember, be sure to always contact Community Services for the updated information.
INTEGRATED CHILD BENEFIT
In 1998, the federal government, in cooperation with provincial governments, created the National Child Benefit. It was supposed to help low-income families with children. Every child of a low-income family has been receiving the National Child Benefit, as well as the provincial form, the Nova Scotia Child Benefit, regardless of whether the family was receiving social assistance. Now the two benefits are being combined together with the Child Tax benefit.
You will receive a standard benefit of $263.65 monthly per child each year if you receive the maximum Nova Scotia Child Benefit (for families with a net annual income of less than $16,000). . The three benefits will arrive as one monthly payment. If you do not receive the full amount for some reason, contact Canada Revenue Agency (CRA).
If you are not receiving the Child Benefit but are considered a low-income family (under $20,291), then you can apply to Community Services for an assessment and further information on how to apply for the combined benefit as well.
If you need more information on the program call 424-7227 if you live in Metro Halifax. Elsewhere in the province call 1-866-795-3688.
22 ATTITUDES TOWARD ‘‘‘WELFARE’ MOTHERS”
As a mother on ‘‘welfare’’, you will find that a number of people will treat you very badly. On a personal level, you will have to find a way to deal with this. Don’t hide your head in shame. Stand up to them and say nasty things right back to them if you feel like it. Don’t put up with being called names just because some idiot has gone brain dead when s/he finds out that you are on ‘welfare’. On a group level, we must fight back against these attitudes and lies going around about us. Fighting back includes not putting up with some of the crap people say about us in the media.
For instance, people on ‘welfare’ are constantly hearing things like “God helps those who help themselves.” These people are implying that we are poor because we are lazy. And God punishes us for being “lazy” by not helping us. This is garbage! Many, many poor people work extremely hard and are not rewarded for it simply because their wages are too low and the cost of food, housing, and clothing is too high. The system is systemic, with maternity leaves too short and the cost of living so high, it is very difficult to make it as a single mother.
Another lie that we keep hearing is that people on ‘welfare’ are stupid. An example of this happened in 1990, when a Dartmouth Police Constable representing the Community Relations Department said to the newspapers:
“Let’s face it, the parents who are on welfare are dipping into a pretty limited genetic pool…The genetics are just not there to produce Einsteins.” (Daily News, April 29 & 30, 1990)
Normally I would dismiss this man as being a Neanderthal. However, I don’t want to give Neanderthals a bad name. Let’s look at this comment though. First of all, I can only assume that Mr. Police Constable is talking about Albert Einstein, the man who is widely recognized for his Theory of Relativity. However, through research and Albert’s own letters, it has recently come to light that his first wife, Mileva Maric, actually did all the mathematical computations to develop the Theory of Relativity for which Albert won the Nobel Prize. Mileva eventually became a low- income single mother who struggled to raise her and Albert’s children. Incidentally, Albert didn’t pay his child support! That blows Neanderthal’s logic that poor people are stupid people!
One of the most important things to remember is that the ruling class of politicians and corporations love to point to people who are victims of recession, 23 unemployment, racism, sexism, and such, and tell the middle class people that we are to blame for their high taxes. Then they tell poor people that there isn’t enough money to feed, educate, and house the children properly because middle class people don’t pay enough taxes. Don’t fall for this crap! This is called a “divide and conquer” tactic. That is, if they can keep all the oppressed people divided and angry at each other, then we can’t come together and organize for a more equal society.
Don’t be ashamed of the money you receive from ‘welfare’. Women are doing an enormous amount of free work for this country by raising children to be good citizens and hard workers. Our government and businesses make good use of the work we put into our children. We deserve respect and recognition for the hard work we do.
Another reason you should not be ashamed to receive ‘welfare’ is because multi- million dollar businesses and corporations also get ‘welfare’. Many large and wealthy companies (I’m not talking about small businesses) receive from the federal government and/or provincial governments large grants of free money. That is, they often do not have to pay taxes, interest, or even pay the money back. These businesses and corporations don’t get a measly $800 a month, they often get millions of dollars. This is called “corporate ‘welfare’.”
Being on ‘welfare’ can be depressing, humiliating, degrading, and very discouraging, if you let it! But, if you get together with other single mothers and decide to stand up to the oppression and discrimination, you can make positive changes. Being on ‘welfare’ can give you opportunities you might not otherwise get, such as the chance to organize and make changes, the chance to go back to school and further your education, stay at home to raise your children, or to pursue job training. You have to recognize these rare opportunities and take full advantage of them. You do this by taking control of your life, getting together with other women like yourself, and standing up for your rights. Remember while Nellie McClung said : “Never Apologize. Never Retract. Never Explain. Get the Thing Done and Let Them Howl!”
24 LEGAL AID
Going through a separation or divorce or fighting for child custody or child support all means that we will need to deal with the legal system. Most single moms go through the court system at one time or another. You may or may not need legal assistance.
Most importantly though, keep track of everything. Keep notes of conversations with your partner, lawyer, and caseworkers. You may not think you will need these, but they can be very helpful. Record everything.
If you feel you need legal advice but cannot afford to hire a lawyer, you will probably have to go to a legal aid clinic for legal help. This can sometimes be a long process even to speak with a lawyer, there simply aren’t enough resources to provide the amount of legal help required. Legal aid lawyers are somewhat similar to case workers in that some will look down their noses at you, some will act completely bored by your problems and some will genuinely care about your situation and go out of their way to help you. It’s just the luck of the draw. If you find a lawyer is treating you particularly badly, you can complain about her/his conduct with the Barrister’s Society (see address on page 33) or you can ask for a new lawyer. Your lawyer should be able to explain clearly to you every piece of guidance s/he offers. If your lawyer is recommending that you do something you don’t agree with, ask them to explain the logic and reasoning behind their choice. Remember, the lawyer is there to work for you. That is what s/he is getting paid for. So, don’t let her or him intimidate you just because s/he is a lawyer. It may be a good idea to bring a friend with you.
If you need general legal information, there are a few legal information help lines available. (See phone numbers in the Numbers to Know section – see for legal aid numbers as well).
Perhaps it’s not a good idea to completely trust our “justice” system. We have all read about the light sentences men who abuse women seem to get. The “justice” system seems to work against women, particularly those who aren’t rich, politically connected, or white. Some judges have been known to make particularly cruel comments to women. I have had rude comments about my character made by a judge, and I’ve been in courtrooms where I’ve seen and heard the judge make terrible comments about the women in front of them. If this happens to you, remember it’s not your fault. Don’t take it personally. This happens to other women too! If you get the chance, warn other women about this judge, and insist to your lawyer that you do not want to appear in front of that judge again if at all possible. I have several women friends who will not go before a family court judge and they 25 have successfully avoided him to date. If enough of us get together and complain to the Barristers Society and/or the media, we can make changes.
On the other hand, don’t be terrified of being in court. I’ve also been in courtrooms where the judge has been very polite and helpful to the women who have appeared before him or her.
If you decide you need legal aid, be sure and call ahead of time to make an appointment. No legal aid clinic will give legal advice over the phone.
When you go to the legal aid clinic, you will be asked to fill out an application describing your problem and your financial situation. You might be able to talk briefly to a lawyer once you have completed the application. The lawyer will usually determine if you have a legal case or not.
When you go to court, try to dress up a bit. Don’t wear jeans and a t-shirt. In our society (for some reason) dressing like you just came from the office seems to give us more credibility. Remember too, when the judge speaks to you, you must stand up to answer him or her. And s/he will like it if you address her or him as “Your Honour” in most of Nova Scotia. If you are in Halifax or Sydney, it is “My Lord” or “My Lady”. I know, it’s confusing. Most importantly, be yourself, be proud, look the judge straight in the eye. You are there exercising your rights. Don’t be intimidated, listen to your “mama instincts”, your kids are counting on you to be strong.
The Legal Information Society of Nova Scotia and the Nova Scotia Association of Women and the Law have an excellent booklet entitled Understanding the Law: A Guide for Women in Nova Scotia. This is a very detailed publication and is a helpful aid, enabling women to have a basic understanding of their rights under the law. If you are a Mi’kmaq woman, you may also want to get a copy of Mi’kmaq and the Law.
You can get a copy of each by contacting:
The Legal Information Society of Nova Scotia 6080 Young St, Suite 911 Halifax, NS B3K 5L2 454-2198 or 1-800-665-9779
The Women and the Law booklet is free and will also be available at various organizations such as the YWCA, police stations, shelters, transition houses and so on.
26 For general information about your legal rights, you may also contact Dial-A-Law at 420-1888. Information codes for Dial-A-Law topics can be found in your Yellow Pages phone book.
You can register a complaint against a lawyer or judge by contacting:
NS Barrister’s Society 1645 Granville St, Suite 1101 Halifax, NS B3J 1X3 422-1491
In 2000, a new resource centre called reachAbility, opened in Halifax for Nova Scotians with disabilities. It is a non-profit organization that will provide up to three hours of free legal advice from a lawyer to people with disabilities. Their phone number is 429-5878. See Numbers to Know for their address.
27 MAINTENANCE AND CHILD SUPPORT
Child Support: A serious issue for single mothers and their children, but not a major concern many absentee fathers or for the legal system. -A Feminist Dictionary
The money paid to you by the father of your child(ren) when you are separated, divorced, or unwed is referred to as “maintenance” or “child support.”
If you are a mom on social assistance, you will be forced to take the father(s) of your child(ren) to Family Court to seek child support. If you are an unwed mother, you will be forced to name the father of your child(ren), prove paternity in court, and sue him for maintenance.
Many single moms, including myself, do not want to name the father or sue him for paternity. You know that the man will not pay and it would create a lot of serious problems to constantly take him to court. Or perhaps you know the man is abusive and for that reason alone you don’t want him around you or your child(ren). Or perhaps you have the child(ren) out of choice and made a specific agreement with the father that he would not be involved in the child(ren)’s life. For mothers on social assistance, we are not given that choice. Social assistance policies insist that we take the father(s) to court to obtain child support. This is unfair.
COLLECTING YOUR MAINTENANCE
The government of Nova Scotia introduced the Maintenance Enforcement Program in January, 1996. It has changed the way all maintenance orders are collected.
An InfoLine is available to provide general information about the Program. This service is available twenty-four hours a day by calling: 424-0050 (Halifax Region) 1-800-357-9248 (toll-free outside of Metro)
The following is taken directly from a Nova Scotia Maintenance Enforcement Program Fact Sheet.
The Nova Scotia Maintenance Enforcement Program (MEP) is committed to providing an effective system for collecting and enforcing maintenance payments. This program enforces maintenance orders, as well as marriage contracts and 28 separation agreements that have been filed with the program and attempts to ensure that those who are entitled to maintenance receive their payments on a timely basis. There are no costs to enroll in the program for any person who is entitled to receive or obliged to pay maintenance.
When a maintenance order or agreement is enrolled in the program, MEP monitors and collects the payments, which are then disbursed to the recipient (person entitled to receive maintenance). If payments are not received from the payer (person required to pay maintenance) when due, they will take steps to have the payments made.
Anyone residing in Nova Scotia who has a current maintenance order or filed agreement from any court in Canada, or from some states or other countries can enroll in the Maintenance Enforcement Program. Effective January 1, 1996, all new maintenance orders from the Nova Scotia Supreme and Family Courts will be automatically registered with the program.
An enrollment kit must be completed and filed with the program by the persons entitled to receive maintenance or by those who pay maintenance. The Program will be contacting you if you have an order or agreement presently registered with the Family Court.
The person required to pay maintenance must send payments to the Director of Maintenance Enforcement. These payments must be received by the date(s) set out in the maintenance order. The Director will then forward the payment to the recipient.
The order can be enforced if the payer lives outside Nova Scotia, as long as the payer lives in Canada or in a state or country which has a reciprocal agreement with Nova Scotia. If you do not know where your payer lives, MEP can request a search through computer databanks of a number of provincial and federal agencies.
Failure by the payer to make payments in a timely fashion may result in either one or all of the following actions:
• Examination of financial situation • Garnishment of income sources • Attachment against federal sources of funds (e.g. income tax refunds, UIC benefits, CPP payments, etc.) • Seizure and sale of real or personal property (including bank accounts) • Lien against real property • Requirement for payer to post bond or sureties • Suspension/revocation of motor vehicle privileges 29 • Summons to appear before a Judge of the Family Court to show cause why payments are not being made • Jail sentence ordered by court
The responsibilities of the recipient once the maintenance order is enrolled in the program are as follows:
• Do not accept direct payment from the payer while enrolled in the program • Advise MEP immediately of any change of address • Put your case number on all correspondence • Update MEP on changes in payer’s address, employment, etc. • Provide MEP with copies of any orders that change your maintenance • Advise MEP of any changes in custody arrangements • Provide MEP with any additional information that may assist them in enforcing your maintenance order
The responsibilities of the payer once the maintenance order is enrolled in the program are as follows:
• To make all payments through the program and not directly to the recipient • To advise MEP of any change in address, employment, or other changes of circumstance • To put the case number on all cheques and correspondence • To ensure that payments are received by the date they are due
Be advised that the MEP staff cannot excuse defaulted payments for any reason. MEP does not deal with problems related to custody or access, they only enforce the maintenance requirement of the order. All information is kept confidential and used only for the purpose of enforcing maintenance orders.
The MEP has a computerized telephone service called InfoLine which provides general information about the Program. You can get specific information relating to your case upon entering your case number and your personal identification number (PIN). The Program will send you these numbers upon enrollment of your case.
InfoLine Numbers: Halifax Region: 424-0050 (Within NS): 1-800-357-9248
Strict Provincial guidelines have been laid out to determine the amount paid per child per month based on the annual gross income of the parent making the 30 payments. It is a percentage of the paying parent’s income. If your ex-partner is claiming less than what you know he is making, make sure you tell the judge at your hearing. If he is crying poor, but you are aware of external or unreported income, disclose what you know.
See the Numbers to Know section for telephone numbers and addresses of Family Courts around Nova Scotia.
THE “MAN IN THE HOUSE” RULE The Government’s Dirty Mind
If you are a single mom on ‘welfare’, you will find the Department of Community Services has put a number of rules and regulations on your sex life. Some people call these the “Man In the House” rules or “Spouse in the House” rules.
There are people within the Department of Community Services, who check our houses or apartments to make sure that there isn’t a penis over eighteen years old living with or even being friends with us. A neighbour could also be the one to call Community Services and tell on you if they don’t like you or want to get even over something. So watch out.
This whole system is extremely sexist. Policy makers in the Department of Community Services assume that if we have sex with a man then he must be supporting us. The worst part of this is that there are no clear guidelines over what constitutes a “spouse in the house”, the unspoken rule seems to be that a partner shouldn’t be staying over more than three nights a week, but this isn’t written down anywhere, nor is it official – making the whole system appear arbitrary and unfair.
Regardless of whether we are lesbian or heterosexual single mothers, the Department of Community Services does not believe we should have sex. No other part of Canadian Society does not believe we should have sex. No other part of Canadian Society would tolerate this invasion of privacy. We will not either. We will have sex with another consenting adult if we choose. We will control our own bodies. We will fight like hell if our case worker or government tries to tell us we are not allowed to control our bodies. To resist these rules which violate our rights, we will share our situations and organize with other single mothers and with other oppressed peoples. As Lillian Allen sings, “And I fight back!”
31 CHILDREN’S AID AND CHILD ‘WELFARE’
Children’s Aid and Child ‘welfare’ are known as child protection agencies and referred to as “the Agency” throughout this section.
Child ‘welfare’ is a separate section of the Department of Community Services. They are responsible for such services as:
Child Protection Adoption The care and custody of children Counseling of parents
Outside the metro area, private agencies provide the services of child protection. These agencies work with the Department of Community Services but they have their own social workers. So, if you live in the Halifax area, you would be under the jurisdiction of the Halifax Children’s Aid Society and if you live in New Glasgow, you would be serviced by the Pictou Children’s Aid Society, and so on.
First and foremost, it should be said that there are some very caring and sensitive social workers within the child protection system. They are genuine advocates, not enemies. There are also some children who are in very real need of protection from abusive or negligent parents.
However, there is also a great deal of power held over the heads of single mothers by child protection social workers. This has led to a feeling of bitterness and distrust on behalf of single mothers towards this agency that is supposed to be helping and protecting children. And with good reason.
Under the direction of law, we, as single mothers, are required to adequately house, feed and clothe our child(ren). However, these laws have been created by the same government that then presents us with a ‘welfare’ cheque that has been documented time and time again as falling thousands of dollars beneath the poverty line. The minimum wage, which is also set by the provincial government and which many women are paid, is also thousands of dollars beneath the poverty line.
If, in the opinion of friends, families, neighbours, or case workers, we are failing to adequately provide for our children, the Agency can and will come into our homes and take our children. Anyone can call the department anonymously and report 32 that we are neglecting or abusing our children and, without further questions, the province will begin an investigation. While it is necessary for some children to be protected from abuse and neglect, I cannot help but wonder just how many of these investigations are based on unfounded complaints.
On the other hand, there is no recognition for a job well done. If we manage to clothe, feed, and house our children, we risk sarcastic remarks from the public about how good ‘welfare’ must be paying us and the government becomes reluctant to raise the minimum wage (or any wages!). Absolutely no thought is given to the fact that we must be “wonder” women to manage our measly budgets and stretch the dollar the way we do.
If your child is placed in a foster home, the foster parents will receive, on average, $18.73 a day, per child for shelter and miscellaneous, while a single parent on social assistance will receive on average $4.16 a day per child for EVERYTHING except shelter. A mom on social assistance receives absolutely nothing for medical and dental expenses for herself or her child(ren). While I don’t deny the right of foster parents to this money, why does the Department of Community Services pride itself on keeping families together, yet they punish single mothers for not having a man around! This is just one of the many, many ridiculous contradictions in the Department’s policies.
THE CHILDREN AND FAMILY SERVICES ACT
The children’s aid act, known as “The Children and Family Services Act” was brought in 1991. The purpose of the act is to “protect children from harm, promote the integrity of the family and assure the best interests of children.” In order to do so, the act lays out the conditions under which children can be taken from their parent(s) and placed in custody, and what happens to be the child(ren) at that point. Our children can be taken away from us if Children’s Aid believes there is a risk of the child suffering or if the child has already suffered:
• Physical harm • Sexual abuse • Emotional harm, as shown by the child being severely anxious, depressed, withdrawn, self-destructive or aggressive • Withholding of essential medical treatment • Withholding of essential treatment for developmental or mental condition • Neglect • Abandonment or death of parent • Neglect or lack of supervision leading to the child killing or physically harming someone • Neglect or lack of supervision leading to the child damaging someone 33 else’s property on more than one occasion
Of course, if you are aware that your children are in danger, you should take steps to remove them from that danger yourself. If there is a fight or dispute in the house and you are afraid for your children, call the police or remove yourselves from the situation and then phone the police. You may consider sending your child(ren) to stay with a trusted relative or friend, if you are unable to protect them yourself. Do this before placing your children in Temporary Care, which might result in hassles when you try to get your child(ren) back. If you must place your child(ren) in Temporary Care, contact a lawyer first so you know what you are getting into, it can be very difficult to get your children back. If you yourself need help, contact the appropriate people to obtain that help. No matter what, surround yourself with the support of family and friends to help you through this difficult time.
If someone threatens to take away your children, you should immediately contact your local legal aid clinic and prepare your defense to get your child(ren) back. Take with you all the information you have to your first meeting with the lawyer to save time, and bring along a friend or family member for support. Legal aid considers apprehension (the taking away) of children an emergency and will appoint you a lawyer and have you prepared for your first court date, which is within 5 days of apprehension. At this time, the social worker who apprehended your child(ren) must provide evidence to the court that your child(ren) have been apprehended for a good reason. You must show that you have been and will continue to be taking steps to look after your children, and to improve whatever situation they may have been removed from.
Unfortunately, it is often difficult to make improvements within such a short time frame, but you must at least show you are trying. Child Protection can help with some aspects of these improvements, such as providing you and your child(ren) with money for travel (bus passes), recreation, and daycare. While it is good to be able to think of Children’s Aid as providing services and safety for your children, the lack of funding for services can make Children’s Aid seem like more of a hassle than a help.
As with social workers – the people who work in Children’s Aid are not always enemies. There are some genuine, caring people. However, there are also some workers who have their own ideas (usually wrong!) about who and what single mothers are and how we raise our children. There are also overworked, underpaid, and generally burnt-out workers who have had to shut off their emotions in order to get their work done. The important thing to remember is to keep your calm, know your rights, assert yourself and find someone who will be on your side to help you through this situation. This is harsh to say, but these people have a lot of 34 power over you and your child(ren), you need to be careful and very aware when dealing with them.
See the Numbers to Know chapter to find the addresses of your local Legal Aid Clinic and Children’s Aid office.
35 EMPLOYMENT
POSITION VACANT: HOUSEWIFE Applications are invited for the position of manager of a lively team of four demanding individuals of differing needs and personalities. The successful applicant will be required to perform and coordinate the following functions: companion, counselor, financial manager, buying office, teacher, nurse, chef, nutritionist, decorator, cleaner, driver, childcare, supervisor, social secretary, and recreation officer. Hours of work: All waking hours and a 24 hour shift when necessary. Pay: No salary or wage. Allowance by arrangement, from time to time, with the income- earning member of the team. The successful applicant may be required to hold a second job, in addition to the one advertised here. Benefits: No guaranteed holidays. No guaranteed sick-leave, maternity leave, or long service leave. No guaranteed life or accident insurance. No worker’s compensation. No pension.
(From a discussion paper on unpaid housework published by the New Zealand Ministry of Women’s Affairs in September 1988).
Did you know that Canada’s first minimum wage laws were enacted to cover only women and children? The goal of minimum wages for women was to ensure that women workers would earn enough to save us from starving and/or becoming prostitutes. Another purpose of minimum wage for women was to prevent their wages from being so low that employers hired women rather than men. When minimum wages for men were introduced, they were set at a higher value than women’s. With the current lack of equal pay for work of equal value, wage discrimination is still happening in Canada. Women are still earning only 72% of what men earn. And we do not get fringe benefits such as paid vacations, dental plans, and insurance coverage to the extent that men do.
Despite the hurdles and barriers, many single moms want to work outside the home for a number of reasons. You may feel that you cannot tolerate the rules and invasion of privacy which ‘welfare’ puts on your life. Or perhaps you feel that you could earn more than minimum wage or ‘welfare’ rates if you got a paying job. Or for any number of other reasons, you want to get a job outside of the home.
There are programs and organizations around the province that will help you with employment counseling, job search techniques, resume writing, and other employment related issues. Perhaps while you are unemployed, you may want to consider increasing your job skills through more education or a job skills workshop. Call your local HRDC (Human Resource Development Centre) for information on this, as well as your local women’s centre or community resource centre for more information on employment programs. The Women’s Employment Outreach is a good place to start for those of you who live in the Halifax Regional Municipality. 36 Women’s Employment Outreach 1888 Brunswick St, Suite 807 Halifax, NS B3J 3J8 422-8023
If you can’t find a job, it can become very frustrating. You may start to blame yourself despite the fact that there are at least 200 people looking for every (badly) paid job in Canada. Don’t blame yourself. It will just bring down your self-esteem. Blame this system and fight not only for a decent paying job, but also for a new social system.
Remember, raising children and keeping a house is a job – it simply isn’t recognized with a paycheque. So don’t berate yourself if you find it too difficult to work full- time at a paying job and then come home to a house full of laundry, dishes, and clothing, not to mention mothering.
The unpaid and unrecognized work that single mothers do is being noticed and measured in Nova Scotia. As part of its research, the Genuine Progress Index Atlantic (GPI), a non-profit research organization, that has existed since 1997, has measured the worth of unpaid work, such as, volunteering, housecleaning and childcare, and publishes its findings in reports. The researchers also look at other important things in society that are not recognized in our current way of measuring progress, such as water quality. These things are important to recognize because as the GPI Web site says: “what we measure is literally a sign of what we value as a society. If critical social and ecological assets are not counted and valued in our measures of progress, they receive insufficient attention in the policy arena.”
Essentially if more people don’t understand and appreciate the value of unpaid work, our government will never change its mind on current policies. The GPI’s work may seem obscure but the more people who challenge the way things are now, the more chance there is for change. The following is an excerpt from their findings.
When we cook our own meals, clean our own house and look after our own children, this unpaid work has no value in our current measures of progress. The GPI finds that if that work were replaced fro pay it would be worth $275 billion to the Canadian economy, and $9 billion in Nova Scotia.
Non-employed single mothers put in more than 50 hours of productive work a week, worth $24,000 a year at current market rates.
Employed single mothers put in 75 hours of work a week, spend three times as 37 much of their income on childcare as married mothers, and have only an hour a day to devote exclusively to their own children.
38 EDUCATION
You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt
Education is essential for single moms who want to get themselves and their child(ren) out of poverty. Although having a good education does not guarantee you a high paying career, it does make your chances of getting out of poverty much better than having no education at all. Having a good education also makes you proud of yourself and more critical of the system that treats us all as “things.” You won’t have to rely on a man or ‘welfare’ to support you once you have enough training or education to get a decent paying job. Marriage will become a choice, not a survival tactic!
If you are on ‘welfare’ in Nova Scotia, you can go back to school and get your GED (General Equivalency Diploma), get vocational training, or upgrade your skills. You can also go to college and still receive assistance, but only education programs of two years or less will be allowed.
If you want to go to university, you can no longer receive assistance. You will have to rely solely on a student loan. Before with Family Benefits you had to get a student loan for tuition, books, etc…but you could still receive your living allowance.
There is an exception for those of you who were on Family Benefits before May 2000. You are still allowed to complete the schooling you are presently enrolled in and receive your living allowance.
Go to school anyway. You may have to take out a student loan or borrow the money from someone, but just go! Education is the key! If you need a student loan, contact:
Nova Scotia Student Aid Office 2021 Brunswick Street Halifax, NS B3J 3C8 424-8420 or 1-800-565-7737
If you are looking to finish high school or to obtain your GED try your local library. They have information to get you started and names of tutoring groups that are for women only. An example of one group is through the Elizabeth Fry Society.
If you are a young single mother between the ages of 16-24 and live in the Halifax 39 area, you can drop in to the Phoenix Centre for Youth and be a part of their Parent Support Program. You will fit in a few forms but you don’t have to be involved with a caseworker if you don’t want to. They have educational/recreational group sessions for young parents. Childcare is provided for children age three months and up, while you participate in sessions about anything from discipline to how to apply for subsidized daycare. They’ve also been creating scrapbooks and teaching Mother Goose nursery rhymes you can share with your children. On Wednesdays they provide a timeout where they have free childcare for you while you run errands or attend appointments.
There is also one on one counseling available as well as outreach. Outreach can mean that if you need someone there for support during an appointment, someone will come with you. There is also a nurse on staff available for prenatal care. The number at the centre is 420-0676. But they place emphasis on being a drop in centre so you’re welcome to stop by anytime. Their address is 6035 Coburg Road, Halifax B3H 1Y8.
Don’t let anyone, even yourself, talk you out of getting an education of any kind. For years I thought I wasn’t smart. I barely made it through high school. I was told on several occasions that I wouldn’t get anywhere with “that attitude.” I felt that getting an education was only for people with money and connections. (It is, but people like us can find a way to get our education through this inspiration and efforts of others.) I told myself that I couldn’t possibly go to university because the daycare bills would be too high, the student aid office probably wouldn’t help me, how could I study when I had a small child to care for, etc. Then I met a single mom on ‘welfare’ who had SIX kids and was in her second year of university. She told me how to get a student loan, how to apply as a mature student, and how to handle studying while raising a small child. I met her at 11:00 a.m. By 3:00 p.m. I was at the university registrar’s office.
Sometimes the community can step in and help when it is needed. Venus Envy, a very woman friendly and queer-positive store in Halifax began its own Venus Envy Bursary in the winter of 2000.
If you are accepted into any program in Nova Scotia which issues a degree, certificate or diploma, you can apply for the bursary. They base their decision on need and any work you do in the women’s community. Their aim is to give $1000 each to two women for their next bursary awards. There is a simple form you have to fill out. Contact Shelley Taylor for more information: 422-0004 or Halifax@ venusenvy.ca. Always ask about scholarships and bursaries available at schools too. There are many that are created specifically for people who do not have the money to go to school on their own.
40 I’ve met so many women at university who are absolutely inspirational. Many of them are single mothers and many are women in their fifties and sixties. I met a single mom who has multiple sclerosis and is graduating soon. Another woman who was functionally illiterate ten years ago graduated with me last year. Yet another overcame an abusive childhood and drug addiction problems to receive her honours degree this year. I could go on and on with this list!
So don’t ever tell yourself that you can’t do it. Women everywhere are achieving their educational goals. I shake my head in disbelief some days when I stop to think about how far I’ve come with my education. If you want to improve your education, don’t let anyone stop you or tell you that you can’t do it. Education is one of the major keys to breaking free of our poverty. Education, in its many forms, can be a major way to figure out how to end poverty for everyone!
41 DAYCARE
Daycare is an issue used by politicians frequently in elections. The politicians use it to try to get women to vote for them. They promise to pour lots of money into the daycare system to make childcare spaces affordable and available. However, each time these politicians are voted into office, the first thing they do is break almost all of their promises. Affordable, available, and accessible daycare is a promise that has been broken time and time again.
It is not the government who subsidizes daycare. It is the daycare workers who care for the children while being paid starvation wages. It is completely beyond logic that the work of childcare, whether it is in the home or in a daycare, is considered so unimportant by government and society that the people who do this extremely important work go unrecognized for their patience and devotion. For example, doctors maintain a person’s health and save lives which is needed and appreciated in our society. However, many women bear children and spend twenty to forty years raising them for no pay and no time off. Why are doctors paid such a large amount of money for their job, yet women as mothers and daycare workers get paid nothing or next to nothing? The situation speaks loudly of the priorities of our society!
If you decide you need or want to put your child(ren) into subsidized daycare, you have to know whether the daycare spaces are available. You can find this out by calling the provincial office of daycare services in Halifax at:
Director of Day Care Services Department of Community Services P.O. Box 696 Halifax, N.S. B3J 2T7 424-3204
Ask them to mail you a list of subsidized daycare spaces available in your area. Put your name on the waiting lists at the daycares you prefer. Subsidized daycare is slow to get and once you get it, it is fluid and transferable to another daycare. This can be a huge hassle if the daycare you are moved to is further from your home or work.
The number of available daycare spaces in Nova Scotia is very limited. The provincial and federal government has consciously ignored this area for so long that in some areas of Nova Scotia there are virtually NO subsidized daycare spaces available.
42 If you have found a daycare in your area that you wish to enroll your child(ren) in, you should go to the daycare and ask to fill out an application. Then you will be put on a waiting list that could last from a few days to many months according to how many children you want placed in that day care and how many vacancies the daycare gets each month.
The cost of the daycare will depend upon how many children you have enrolled at the daycare and the amount of the income you are receiving.
If you are a single mom on ‘welfare’, some daycares will tell you that your child(ren) may remain at the daycare centre for up to six months. If you have not found a job or enrolled in school, then they will tell you to remove your child(ren) from the daycare centre. Other daycare centres will negotiate with you on this.
When you enroll your child(ren) in the daycare, you will be asked to fill out several forms naming such people as your next of kin, the family doctor, who to call in an emergency, and other information. You will then be told to take your child(ren) to the doctor for a physical check-up before they will be admitted to the daycare. Because this check-up is not covered by M.S.I. (Medical Services Insurance) some doctors will be mean-spirited enough to charge you anywhere between $20 and $50. Most doctors, however, will do it without charge if you explain you cannot afford their fees, as it only takes five or ten minutes and they won’t go hungry for having done the check-up for free.
When your child is placed in the daycare centre, be sure to ask the director for a copy of the regulations under the Day Care Act and for information about enrollment and attendance.
Some children are not cared for in a daycare centre, but in someone’s private home and are still covered by a subsidy. Depending on where you live, you may be able to get a subsidy for your childcare if the childcare worker is approved by the Family Day Care Board in your area. Contact the Family Day Care Agency in the areas of Sackville, Meteghan, Wolfville, and New Glasgow to inquire about this option.
Don’t forget about helpful resources for your children such as Big Brothers and Big Sisters. They match up your child(ren) with a buddy to hang out with, providing a change of scenery for you and your child(ren). Just look under Big Brothers Big Sisters in your phonebook.
I recently met some resourceful and ingenious low-income single moms who live in a housing project near Ottawa. These women were all on assistance and couldn’t afford to pay a babysitter when they wanted to go out for the night or just needed to get away from the kids for a while. So they developed a “coupon” system. They 43 would swap babysitting services and keep track of it with these coupons. A woman with one child who babysat three children would get three coupons for babysitting in the future. They would give each other at least three hours notice when they wanted to cash in a coupon or two. They all worked hard to respect each other and be fair to one another.
This system had been working for over a year when I met them. If you live in a housing project or in an area where there are other women in our situation, perhaps you could get together and work out a similar arrangement.
CREATING A CARE COLLECTIVE
It Takes a Community(Diane ______)
When I became a mother many, many people offered help and support, which is amazing and made me feel good, but I really didn’t know how to go about actually asking these people for help. As single moms we are systematically burdened by guilt when we admit that we need help and regardless of acknowledging this bullshit, it’s still hard to call someone up and ask for their support. In the beginning, a few of my close friends were fulfilling my needs for a baby-sitter when I worked. This ended in disaster and we aren’t really friends anymore. They found that I depended on them too much and they were feeling strained by the commitment of helping me and my son. Our friendship fell apart because they couldn’t communicate their feelings. They just stopped calling me.
So, other friends who had seen what was happening decided to do something about it. One friend began to create a list of people’s names that had expressed interest in helping baby-sit and another friend set up a meeting of all the people including me and my son. Most people I knew, but some I didn’t. Even some of the people I knew previously were more like acquaintances rather than “friends.” Regardless if I knew them or not, all new baby-sitters went through training whereby they had to baby-sit with someone who had already done so at least twice. This allowed them to become familiar with my home and my son. Also, each babysitter seemed to have their own sets of tricks to babysitting and this gave the new sitter some ideas. At the initial meeting we did two things:
1. Everyone charted out their name and contact info as well as how often they wanted to baby-sit and what days/times worked best for them. This list was later copied and distributed to each member. 2. We appointed “coordinators” with one-month rotations. This was the best thing ever because coordinating babysitters is very time consuming and a pain in the ass trying to juggle everyone else’s schedule on top of your own. 44 So, that was the creation of the Care Collective.
At the beginning of each month when I get my work schedule, I call up that month’s coordinator and give it to them. They then contact and plan who will be providing childcare. Even when I need a break, I can call them and they will find me a sitter. This really eliminates any guilt about asking people to baby-sit, mostly because I’m not always asking people myself and because it has a bit of a formal structure to it. Since its inception, many other people have asked to be involved. It’s forever growing and shrinking and growing.
Since the beginning, there have been about two dozen members. These people have been a major part of mine and my son’s lives. I feel weird when people refer to me as a “single” mom because to me single implies alone and because of my son’s care collective I don’t feel like I’m doing this alone. It truly takes a community to raise a child and my friends are champions of putting this idea into practice.
45 HOUSING
Looking for a place to live can be very frustrating and time consuming. The best place to look for an apartment is in the classified section of your local newspaper. When you have found an ad that looks interesting, you just have to phone for an appointment to look at the place.
When you call the rental office or the landlord, be sure and ask them if they accept children in the building. The landlord is not allowed to refuse to rent to you if s/he believes that:
You have too many children; Your children are too young; or The landlord doesn’t want any children in the building.
The landlord is also not allowed to refuse an apartment to you for the following reasons:
You are not white; You are not Canadian; You are on social assistance; or You are a single mother.
Single moms have had trouble with one or all of the reasons listed above, so if a landlord won’t rent to you and gives you one of these reasons, PLEASE, PLEASE fight back! Start by contacting the Human Rights Commission in Halifax. Then, if you can, get together with other single moms and organize to embarrass this landlord. Refusing to rent an apartment to us because we are single moms and/or because we are on social assistance is nothing but a judgment call on our characters. No one has a right to do that!
If you get a chance to look at the apartment and decide that you want it, you will probably have to fill out an application asking your name, address, source of income, etc. The landlord will probably take a few days to go through all the applications from people who want the apartment. If s/he decides that you would be the most suitable tenant, then you may be asked to sign a lease that may be month to month or year to year. All leases are standard, so be very careful to look at sections which the landlord may have changed or added to, as any changes are invalid.
You MUST receive a copy of the Residential Tenancies Act with your lease or else your landlord is in violation of the Act. You can terminate your lease if you have 46 not received a copy of this Act.
On August 1st, 2000, Housing Services became a division within the Department of Community Services. It doesn’t change much for you except that you’ll now find the Housing Department’s phone number under Community Services.
Contact the Housing Department for any other programs you may be eligible for. Look in the Blue Pages of your phone book for these numbers. The following are explanations of some different kinds of housing that are available.
CO-OP HOUSING
Co-op Housing is for people from all walks of life. People who live in co-ops range from “professional” people such as lawyers, to stay-at-home moms on social assistance, to university students. Couples, singles, families all live in co-ops. It is usually cheaper to live in co-op housing than to rent from a private owner. Co-ops are also nice because you feel as if you are part of a community as the members come together for meetings, usually once a month. The idea is “housing for people, not for profit.” It’s important to remember though that you will be expected to participate in meetings and contribute to the overall functioning of the co-op. If this isn’t your thing, you may want to try living somewhere else.
If you would like to find out the names of co-op housing projects in your area in the HRM, call the Co-Op Housing Federation at: 455-0470. They can also give you an application for the co-op of your choice.
NON-PROFIT HOUSING
Non-profit housing is not the same as public housing. Non-profit housing is run by non-profit organizations and usually is helped with a subsidy from the CMHC (Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation). Some non-profit housing rent is based on your income; some of the rents are low but not based on income. Some non-profit housing has a mixture of low rental units and market rent units. Market rent is an amount set by CMHC and is similar to the amount you would pay a private landlord.
In Nova Scotia there are several types of non-profit housing. There are units available for low-income seniors, students, women, single parents, natives, and people who have tested positive for HIV/AIDS. Non-profit housing is different from co-op housing in that you don’t have to go to meetings and do not have a voice in the management of the organization. 47 PUBLIC HOUSING
Public housing was established mostly for people who have low incomes. We are either on social assistance or we are working poor people. Either way, our jobs or our social assistance cheques are not enough to cover the high cost of private rents. The private rental places that we are able to afford are often run down and completely unsuitable for raising children. These high rental costs combined with the costs of electricity, food, clothing, plus all the taxes we are continuously having heaped upon us mean that we can’t afford to live. Public housing is supposed to help out people in our situations.
Public housing is usually funded by all three levels of government: municipal, provincial, and federal. The public housing department is usually referred to as a “Housing Authority.” So, if you are looking for public housing in the telephone book, look under the name of your community or town and add “Housing Authority” to it. For example, in Dartmouth, look under “Dartmouth Housing Authority.” Incidentally, the Dartmouth and Halifax housing authorities have been merged into one called the Metropolitan Regional Housing Authority, which covers Halifax, Dartmouth, and Bedford County.
There are seven housing authorities in the province that are responsible for looking after public housing. Applications for accommodation can be attained from the housing authority in your area or the regional office of the Housing Department.
Each housing authority has its own rules about who can live in public housing. Give them a call and find out if you are eligible. There are usually long waiting lists, but call and get your name on there.
SHARED HOUSING
Another option is finding shared housing with another or other single mom(s). This has several benefits which include saving on rent by having the children share a room, and saving on daycare by splitting childcare responsibilities. If you are lucky enough to have a fellow single mom and friend that you can share housing with, this is a viable co-operative solution.
FOR MOMS ON SOCIAL ASSISTANCE
If you are a mom on social assistance who is looking for housing, again we have certain rules attached to our lives. We have a maximum amount of money which we are allowed to use for rent. It might be, for example, $530 a month. If the 48 only apartment we can find is $580 a month, we are expected to come up with the extra $50 and this usually comes out of our food money. However, if we find an apartment at $480 a month, we do not get to keep the extra $50 to put towards food or anything else! The social assistance department will deduct that $50 from our cheques! So make the most of your money. You won’t be rewarded on this system for trying to save a dollar or two. Get the best apartment you can find as close to the maximum budget that you can! Getting a run-down apartment at a cheap rate will only save the social assistance department a bit of money while you are expected to struggle along with a wholly inadequate food budget, among other things.
Here are several contacts for various non-profit housing. You can get more from the Housing Department.
Contacts for the Native Community
Tawaak Housing Association 6175 Lady Hammond Rd Halifax, B3K 2R9
Ki’knu Housing Commission Society P.O. Box 1320 Truro, B2N 5N2 893-9804
Mi’kmaq Family and Children Services Eskasoni, Cape Breton 379-2433
HRM contacts:
Harbour City Homes (Halifax Non-Profit Housing) 421-8703
Metro Non-Profit Housing Association 466-8714
49 TRANSITION HOUSES
“Domestic Violence” is a polite term to cover up the real meaning; men beating women and children. “Battered wife” gives us the impression that the wife is the problem. We are not. The problem is that our society allows male violence to happen. We have to look at the truth of the lives of abused women and not hide behind polite phrases.
This chapter was written especially for abused women. There are so many of us in the world. Perhaps you are in an abusive situation right now and are considering getting out of it. Maybe you have just escaped from an abusive relationship and you are wondering what to do now.
The first thing you must do is remove any guilt you may be feeling. Recognize the fact that no one deserves the abuse which your partner has been giving you. You may be suffering from sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, or a combination of these. Read over the following definitions and check out how many apply to your relationship.
Physical Abuse: Abuse which involves a woman being struck with a fist or weapon, kicked, slapped, bones broken, eyes blackened, hair pulled, cuts, bruises, teeth knocked out. Or it can be more subtle, such as pinching, pushing, confining you to a room or the house, etc.
Sexual Abuse: Abuse which involves a woman being forced to participate in any sexual act which she does not wish to be a part of or finds distasteful.
Mental/Emotional Abuse:
Forced Isolation – not allowed to see family and friends; locked in or out; allowed in or out at specific times. Constant Humiliation – sarcasm, insults, attacks on your self-esteem. Degradation – nothing you do is right; constantly telling you that you are crazy, that no one will love you, that you are not good enough, etc. Trivial Demands – keeps you on your toes doing things he could easily do but won’t. Deliberate Inconsistency – “today it’s okay, tomorrow it’s not”. Scapegoating – blaming you for something he has done wrong; blaming you if anything goes wrong. Accusations of Sexual Cheating – accusing you of coming on to other men. Threats – physical (such as threatening to harm your family) and emotional (threatening to kill himself). 50 Verbal Assault – ranting, raving, cursing, and swearing. Destroying Things – breaking and throwing things that are valuable to you. No Communication – isolation and control; ignoring your emotional needs. Emotional Distance – no intimacy; sexual withdrawal; no emotional support or contact. Financial Abuse – withholding money so you cannot buy necessities.
If you have found that one or more of these forms of abuse apply to you, then you must decide whether you want to get out of the relationship. You can get out of the relationship slowly if you are unsure of yourself. You can call your local transition house just to talk, perhaps to get some advice. Most transition houses have a support group which you may want to go to for a while. When you decide to take the children and leave the relationship, you will need to know where to go for help.
First call the transition house you plan on going to. They cannot come to your house and pick you up because doing so may place the workers in danger. For example, twice I have gone to women’s homes to take them to a transition house when the husband wasn’t supposed to be there. Both times the man came home. This situation is extremely dangerous for you and for the woman who is helping you. If you need someone to take you to the transition house immediately, either you or a worker from the transition house can call the local police or RCMP. The police or RCMP may not go into your home if firearms are involved, instead they will call in the Emergency Response Team. Insist on whatever action is necessary to get you and the children out if there is danger of physical violence from your husband. After all, this is what our enforcement teams are supposed to specialize in.
Perhaps the most effective method of escape is for you to wait until your partner is out of the house. Then quickly pack up yourself and your children, phone the transition house, and have a worker meet you at a safe place such as a coffee shop or a friend’s house. If you do not have time to pack, transition houses will often have clothes and supplies available for you.
When you arrive at the transition house, you should find the workers to be very helpful and supportive. The Transition House Association of Nova Scotia adopted a “Mission Statement on Advocacy” in which the workers agreed to a method of feminist advocacy. The following is their statement:
Feminist advocacy is an ongoing process which supports, assists, and empowers women – individually and collectively – to take action to ensure fair and equitable treatment for all women in our society.
51 This process enables women to find and use their voice(s) to express their needs, concerns, wants, aspirations, and the reality of their experience within a patriarchal culture.
This definition of advocacy is an overriding principle determining all program design and implementation in both Transition Houses and Women’s Centres.
Don’t be put off by the “F” word – feminism. Many people feel unreasonably threatened by feminists. However, feminists are simply women who are independent and wish to support and help other women. We are not a bunch of bitter, man-hating women who think we are superior to men and try to push “women’s lib” down people’s throats. Heck, most of us don’t even wear army boots!
Getting back to the transition house – when you arrive at the house, the transition worker will immediately do an intake interview. You and a worker will fill out a transition house Intake Form in which you will be asked about the forms of abuse you have suffered, your partner’s history of abuse, and such. The workers will also need to know your family doctor’s name, your MSI number, and who to contact in an emergency.
Your children will also do a transition house Child Intake Interview with the worker. Part of the interview will be done with you and part of the interview will be done by the worker alone with your child. Mostly the worker will want to talk with your child(ren) about his or her relationship with you and your partner and just generally talk to the child about how they are feeling about the situation.
After what feels like a zillion questions and forms (which are all necessary), you and your child(ren) will be given a room and some space to get oriented.
FAMILY COURT
In April 1998, the Halifax and Cape Breton Family Courts became the Supreme Court/Family Division. Their new mandate is to keep you out of court as long as possible by using mediation and conciliation to solve problems (but these methods have their own problems according to a paper done by the Transition House Association on women’s experiences with mediation). All other Family Courts in Nova Scotia are the same as they were before. Everything costs money in the new Supreme Court/Family Division system, but there is a waiver policy for people on social assistance. If you will be representing yourself, you can get in touch with the Self-Represented Litigants Project at [email protected]. They will provide you with information on representing yourself, it is an initiative of the Department of Justice. 52 THE CUSTODY ORDER
The first thing you must do as soon as you can is get a custody order for the children. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!
If you do not do this, your partner can take your children away from you and there’s nothing the police or anyone can do. You can get the custody order by calling your local family court and explaining that you have left an abusive relationship and taken the children with you to a transition house. They will give you an appointment to see an intake worker, who will do an intake interview with you and set a Family Court date for a hearing. This should all happen within a few days.
If you are in Halifax, Dartmouth, or Cape Breton, you have to make an appointment with a duty worker at the Supreme Court/Family Division if it’s an emergency. As a regular appointment, it may take a while for you to see a worker because they are trying to keep you out of court as long as possible. The best things to do are call or go down there and explain your situation. You will also need to set up a legal aid appointment for your separation agreement and for child support and custody arrangements.
Transition houses do fundraising each year so they can afford to let women in these situations stay at the house and out of the abusive relationship. No abused woman is ever turned away.
In some counties the transition house will only be paid for three or four days of your stay. Three or four days are simply not enough for the emotional and physical readjustment you will be going through. Again, transition houses raise money for this purpose. Stay out of the abusive relationship.
Your stay at the transition house may be a couple of days or a couple of weeks. When you have an apartment ready and you decide it is time to leave the transition house, there are a few things you may have to do before you go.
LEAVING THE TRANSITION HOUSE
If you do not have a paying job, you will need to apply for Social Assistance! (See the chapter on Social Assistance.) You must have an apartment or house ready to go to before you will receive a cheque. You should have no trouble getting social assistance unless you have above the amount of money you are supposed to. But, if for instance you do not have access to your bank account because your partner has frozen your account, Community 53 Services will give you emergency money. Make sure you ask for this help.
Remember to write down all the names of different caseworkers, social workers, transition house workers, legal aid workers, and whoever else you have dealt with. Write down which department or organization they work for. Write down the dates they called, what they called about and keep the letters they send you. It can get really confusing with all these different people coming at you, and these records can be very helpful to you in the future. Despite all the bureaucratic hassle, no woman should ever try to make herself or her children endure an abusive relationship because of the so-called “family ethic” which our society promotes as the only acceptable type of family. Our justice system is not very harsh with men who abuse and/or murder their partners, so don’t count on them to enforce the law or save your children. Only you can do that by taking control of your life and getting out of that relationship at the first opportunity.
To find a transition house in your area, look in the Numbers to Know section at the back of this book.
54 FOOD AND FOOD BANKS
As low-income single mothers, we rarely have enough money to feed ourselves and our children properly. This is because the Family Benefit cheques are completely inadequate and the minimum wage is so low that it is also called the “starvation wage.” Women do not receive monetary recognition for the vast amount of work we do in the home: the work bearing and rearing children; the work of maintaining a home; the work of nurturing other family members. Most women are not averse to playing the caring roles in our society. Indeed, our world leaders could do with an extra helping of such sensitivity and caring. However, I fail to see why we, as women, should receive either no income or very little and/or support for doing this valuable job. I also fail to see why so many do not do their share of domestic and caring roles in our world when this is such a valuable job.
The end result of this global oppression of women is that women and children are the ones who live in poverty most often. This means that we, as women, face hunger and malnutrition in a wealthy, industrialized country. Therefore, it is very important that as we are fighting back against this wall of oppression, we are collectively making the most of our food dollar.
If there are enough of us in an area, you can try to organize a food co-op. That is, a group of us get together and pool our money. You decide as a group what you need and want to buy and you buy it in bulk. You buy it directly from the farmer or food wholesalers. Buying in bulk keeps the food costs down. For example, I recently had paid $1.29 for two pounds of carrots while my friend in the co-op had paid approximately eighty-five cents for ten pounds of carrots. Planning meals together makes you more aware of the nutritional value of the food. You are working with women who are in the same situation as you and you will become good friends as you exchange more survival knowledge.
There are a number of food co-ops in the Halifax area, including Community Kitchens programs in which a group of people buy food in bulk and come together once a week to prepare meals to last several days. There is a community kitchen at the Mi’kmaq Children’s Centre, and many more in Metro. Information on these programs can be obtained through the Metro Food Bank Society, by calling 457-1900.
FOOD BANKS
In Edmonton in 1981, the first food bank of this ongoing recession/depression opened. By 1993, Canada had 436 registered food banks and thousand of “informal” food banks. Informal food banks are temporary sources of groceries 55 dispersed through a network of family, friends, and/or churches.
The presence of food banks in a wealthy country such as Canada is a blatant sign that the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. The system is NOT working for everyone, only for a select few.
Many times I have been told that poor people end up going to food banks because we mismanage our money. This is a ridiculous argument. This argument says that in the 1970s when there were no food banks, everyone managed to balance their budget but when the 1980s came along, we all went shopping for frivolous things. This argument directs the blame away from the government which has consistently mismanaged taxpayers’ money and from big business which needs large numbers of poor people to keep workers low-paid and unorganized.
Another argument I hear all the time is that people in Nova Scotia are not going hungry, that if I want to see starvation then I should look to Ethiopia. The massive starvation of people in Ethiopia and other nations is a human tragedy beyond words. But that does not justify the fact that hundreds of thousands of Canadians are going hungry in a wealthy country, simply because we are not paid enough to afford food. Perhaps Canada would be able to give more support to famine-stricken countries if we were able to sort out our own food distribution system.
Hunger has become a national problem. The minimum wage and ‘welfare’ benefits are completely inadequate to meet the basic nutritional requirements for a human being to live in a healthy manner. And our social and political system has come to rely upon food banks to fill the gap where the system is failing. The “public safety net,” which was designed so that people in Canada would not go hungry, is collapsing.
HOW TO FIND A FOOD BANK
It is not easy to swallow your pride and make the decision to go to a food bank for help. When you go to a food bank, remember the survival rules: dress comfortable, be yourself, hold your head up, look everyone straight in the eye. Be polite, but firm, and maintain your pride. You are not the one who should be ashamed. You are working hard, raising the future workers of this country. A country as rich in natural resources as Canada has no excuse for allowing people to go hungry.
The first place to start looking for a food bank close to you if you are living in the HRM, is by calling Feed Nova Scotia (the Metro Food Bank Society) and asking for a list of phone numbers or addresses of local food banks. Not every food bank is open on the same day. The one closest to you may be closed so they will try to help you sort out when and where to go. Try to stagger your food bank visits across as 56 many banks as possible as the formal ones like Parker Street will only a monthly visit, while informal banks like those in churches and community centres may allow more. Also, if you are pregnant, there is a pregnant nutrition program that will provide you with additional and special food products.
If you are in a rural area, most communities list their food banks in the phonebook. You can ask the local Parent or Women’s Centre and Social Services should have a list of what’s available.
If you do not have such organizations near you, try calling the local churches. If you are a mom in a rural area and you do not have transportation to get to a food bank, ask the food bank organizers if they can get the food to you. Many food bank organizers in rural areas have volunteers to deliver food to those who can’t get to them.
If you are a mom in an urban area (city or town) you may still need someone to deliver the food to you, as you might not even have the bus fare to get yourself and your child(ren) there and back. Call the food bank and explain your situation.
Always call the food bank before you visit them. And call them before you run out of food, since most of the food banks are open only a day or two of the week and with very limited hours.
You may also have trouble getting a church food bank to give food to you as you may not meet their requirements. Some church food banks will only give to members of their own congregation, others will only give food if you can prove your child(ren) have been christened or baptized, others will only give to people who live in a certain area of the town or county, and some give to all. Some will want a referral from your case worker, priest, or minister. This, personally, makes me angry. It says they don’t believe we are really hungry and that they will only believe us if someone who is in “authority” tells them we need the food. That insults our integrity. And what of the people who don’t have a minister, priest, rabbi, or case worker?
When you contact the food bank, they will want to know your name, phone number, and address. Have your Nova Scotia Health Card ready as well, as this is the most common form of ID they ask for. Some will want to know your social insurance number. They will want to know the number of children you have and their ages.
If you are in a town or city, you can also try your local branch of the St. Vincent de Paul Society or the Salvation Army. They will also want to know your Nova Scotia Health Card number, and the amount and source of income you are presently 57 receiving.
ALWAYS REMEMBER, maintain your pride. You are not ashamed. You are proud because you are not going to let anyone beat you down. You are a survivor!
58 THE SEX LIVES OF SINGLE MOMS!
Just because you are a single mom does not mean you are not allowed to have sexual relationships. You are a human being, a woman with desires and wants, whether you are heterosexual, lesbian or bisexual. There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t have relationships. Many single moms I know feel they shouldn’t have sexual relations with anyone because other people will look down on them. Don’t fall into that trap. It’s your life! It’s your body! Feel good about yourself.
BIRTH CONTROL
If you are using birth control pills, paying for them each month can be a heavy chunk out of a ‘welfare’ or minimum wage cheque. A monthly packet of pills can cost up to $30. You can get birth control pills for $10 by visiting a local affiliate of Planned Parenthood. Free samples may also be available. You do need to make an appointment with one of their doctors.
If you are unsure about using birth control pills, please talk to someone at Planned Parenthood or your doctor about alternative methods that are available.
If your family doctor is sympathetic to your financial difficulties, s/he probably won’t mind supplying you with free samples of birth control pills for a few months. Remember, you have to tell people if you can’t afford something. They can usually help you.
VERY IMPORTANT!!! Certain prescription drugs and non-prescription drugs can lower the effectiveness of the birth control pill. Before taking any medication, check with your doctor to see if these drugs will lower the effectiveness of your birth control pills. If so, use another form of birth control while continuing the Pill for the rest of the month.
AIDS
For those of us who are sexually active, we must be careful about contracting STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) and/or AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome)
Any one of us can become infected with HIV (Human Immune deficiency Virus) which can lead to AIDS. HIV is passed from one person to another through 59 blood, semen, or vaginal fluids. According to Health and ‘welfare’ Canada, there are three common ways you can get HIV; by having sex with an infected partner, sharing needles while injecting drugs, or being born of a mother who has the HIV infection. Be very careful around the blood of others, even if you are simply helping a child with a bloody nose – you may have an open cut on your hand, and you need to think about these possibilities.
The most common way for a woman in Canada to be infected is through sexual activity. Therefore it is very important that we protect ourselves during sexual intercourse. Young women are the highest statistic for those becoming infected.
Woman to woman transmission of the HIV virus through sexual contact is possible and has been documented. Lesbians who have a history of male sexual partners, have used injection drugs, have had contact with infected female partners, or who have used artificial insemination with unscreened semen, may have become infected with HIV. The greatest risk of contracting the HIV virus exists during a woman’s period. Therefore, you should consider using a latex barrier or a dental dam when engaging in oral sex. Also, if you have cuts on your hands, consider using latex gloves when touching your partner’s genital area. Maybe you will feel like “Dr. Sex” and laugh yourself silly at this idea. But it’s better to have fun while practicing safe sex than to shun the whole idea as uncool and end up paying the price for it! Don’t worry about ‘offending’ a person by doing this. It’s your body, life, health and future, including the future of your child(ren).
The most common method of protection during heterosexual sex is to use a condom during intercourse. Buy your own condoms and learn how to use them. If your partner does not want to use a condom, think twice about having sex with him. You won’t die from lack of sex (honest!) but you may die from unprotected sex.
IF YOU FIND OUT YOUR ARE PREGNANT
If you find that, despite practicing birth control, you are pregnant, the first thing to remember is DON’T BLAME YOURSELF! Birth control methods are far from infallible and blaming yourself will only deplete your confidence at a time when you really need to be strong. You have some tough decisions ahead of you.
ABORTION
If you are considering having an abortion, you may want to talk to someone about it. Besides talking with your friends, you may want to talk to someone who is trained in this area. You may want to talk to your local hospital to see if they offer 60 abortion services.
Many women in Nova Scotia choose to go to the Queen Elizabeth II Health Sciences Centre Termination of Pregnancy Unit (TPU) as therapeutic abortions done there are paid for by MSI and there is less chance of anti-choice protesters harassing you. The following is a short description of what happens when you go to the TPU:
When you arrive at the Centennial building of the QEII, you will check in at Admitting and then a porter will bring you upstairs to the clinic. The area is locked securely and is very private. After checking in at the reception, there is a waiting room with two sets of chairs facing each other. If it makes you nervous being in the room with other women, it is possible for you to wait in another room if one becomes available.
After talking with a nurse for a half hour session, the doctor sees you to discuss any questions.
There is a private bathroom for you to change into the Johnny shirt and robe. There is also a locker room to store your stuff in and a couch to lie down on.
A door divides the waiting and procedure areas from each other. The surgery room is large and bright, a very modern looking hospital room.
After the abortion is completed, the recovery room is just down the hall. There are four reclining chairs where you will wait and recuperate for usually between 35-45 minutes. They will give you Tylenol and something to eat. You do not have to leave until you are ready, but when you are, a porter will escort you back downstairs.
Counselors are available before and after the abortion, if you need to talk. The clinic does not turn anyone away.. If it’s a last minute emergency, they will fit you in, but they do have a 15 week cut-off date, when they will no longer perform an abortion. You must still have a referral from a doctor and the appointment must be pre-booked.
You can call the TPU clinic at 473-7072. The number of the TPU counselor is 473- 4078.
Remember, it’s okay to change your mind at the last minute. You are not an awful person for choosing to have an abortion and you are not a weak person for changing your mind and going through with the pregnancy. “Choice” is the key word to keep in mind.
61 Try Planned Parenthood in your area (see Numbers to Know section) for other resources on abortion.
THE ANTI-CHOICERS
The people whom call themselves “pro-life,” are not for “life” at all. They may plead and beg with you to carry through with your pregnancy, but they will not be there for you when you need them. Be wary of places like Birth-Right – they are pro-life and don’t give you an option. When you are sick and the child(ren) are sick and you really need some help, they will not be around. When the ‘welfare’ or pay cheques do not stretch far enough to cover food, shelter, and clothing, they will not be there with a fist-full of cash. In my experience working for the rights of ‘welfare’ mothers, I have not seen any “pro-life” people carrying pickets or signing petitions for the rights of single mothers on ‘welfare’. And as an unwed mother, I have not had any of these people on my doorstep with congratulations and offers of help for going through with my pregnancy. Instead, I have had these people call me names and give me lectures about why I should have given my child up for adoption to a “good” family.
Some “pro-life” people such as church organizations, have set up clothing depots and food banks. On a short-term basis these are appreciated. However, food banks and such do not relieve poverty. It is the responsibility of our government to work for all people, and food banks take that responsibility out of the government’s hands. It keeps poor people in poverty by not addressing the root of the problem of poverty.
If “pro-life” people were really for life, they would have been out in massive numbers protesting against the war in Iraq. Many, many people died because of that war. Where were the “pro-lifers” to protest against the killing of already born and lived and loved people? Where are the “pro-lifers” to protest against the mass murders of people by US supported authoritarian regimes in Latin America? Where are the “pro-lifers,” when work is needed to end the massive starvation of people in places such as sub-Saharan Africa?
“Pro-life” people are not for life at all but for the control of women’s bodies. They want to decide what you can and cannot do with your body. It is also amazing how many of these “pro-life” people change their minds about abortion when they themselves are involved in an unplanned pregnancy. My daughter’s father, who considered himself a “pro-lifer,” changed his mind real fast when I became pregnant. So don’t let them make decisions on your life, your body. You must take control of your life. You will be the one taking the responsibility. You will be the one doing the work. You must make decisions for yourself!
62 GOING THROUGH WITH YOUR PREGNANCY
If you decide to go through with your pregnancy, you will want to surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Being pregnant can be a wonderful experience if it is your choice to go through with the pregnancy. Try to borrow a crib, stroller, high chair, and whatever else you need to cut down on some of the costs. POMBA (Parents of Multiple Births Association) holds an annual sale on clothes and furniture, you can also try the Parker Street Furniture Bank or HCAP in Metro. Call your local hospital and sign up for a pre-natal class. Some hospitals have pre-natal classes for single moms! Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, make sure you eat properly, exercise, and enjoy your pregnancy!
If you are a single mom on assistance, you are supposed to call your case worker and let him or her know. S/he may be a bit nasty, or s/he may be very pleasant, or s/he may not particularly care.
The following is a list of organizations that will provide you with information about birth control:
Planned Parenthood Metro Clinic, 6009 Quinpool Rd, Suite 201, Halifax, NS B3K 5J7 455-9656
Pictou Country Women’s Centre Box 964, New Glasgow, NS B2H 5K7 755-4647
Cumberland County Family Planning Association 12 LaPlance St, Box 661, Amherst, NS B4H 4B8 667-7500
Second Story Women’s Centre 12 Dominion St, Bridgewater, NS B4V 2W6 543-1315
The following organizations also provide information and support:
AIDS Coalition of Nova Scotia 1657 Barrington St, #321, Halifax, NS B3J 1H1 429-7922
Avalon Centre 63 (formerly the Service for Sexual Assault Victims) 5570 Spring Garden Rd, #507, Halifax, NS B3J 1H6 422-4240
64 HOW TO BECOME POLITICALLY ACTIVE
The Canadian government and multi-million dollar corporations are extremely nervous about the “common” (a.k.a. exploited) people coming together and organizing for change. They have a vested interest in keeping the rich richer and the poor pooer. Poverty is big business for some people. If we organized for an equal society where children, women, and men were not hungry and homeless, it would mean these multi-million dollar corporations and their friends in the government would have to give up some of the money and privileges they have stolen.
Canada does have a pretty broad list of democratic rights for most citizens. However, as more and more people are becoming poor and going hungry, it is clear that this system is failing to work for the people who need it the most. Our federal, provincial, and municipal governments are supposed to work for ALL people. In the last few years, however, we have seen a large number of demonstrations, protests, and street rallies taking place outside the provincial legislature. People are organizing and demanding their rights in response to government cutbacks and oppression.
Single mothers must organize. Our numbers are growing every year and we must make our voices heard. The word “grassroots” is a slang term used to describe people who do not have any more power than their vote. “Grassroots politics” is a form of political practice in which people attempt to change policies by influencing the opinion of other voters. This becomes known as “political opinion.”
ORGANIZE, EDUCATE…AGITATE!
When we organize a grassroots group, we are getting together to educate and make our opinions known to the general public. We are also trying to make them see our point of view.
Grassroots organizing usually starts when a few people, run into a serious problem they cannot overcome by themselves. At first, each may take the blame personally and keep quiet about it. Eventually we start to ask other people, “Hey, have you been having this problem?” We find we are not the only ones with the problem and we’re not the only ones who feel this way. We’re frustrated by the way we have been treated and by the lack of good, solid answers. We decide we want to do something about it right now instead of waiting for the next election. This is the start of organizing – the recognition that working alone is not the answer and that to achieve our goals we must work together. 65 Many people don’t think of themselves as organizers. We don’t think we can do it. We see organizing as difficult, dangerous, and maybe even a little heroic. Wrong! Anyone can organize. All you need is to know how to talk with people. One of the biggest tasks of organizing is finding other people who believe as you do and who want to achieve the same goals.
You can join an already existing women’s group. It’s not always necessary to reinvent the wheel and there are often already existing excelled groups and organizations, such as the Child Care Advocacy Association of Nova Scotia. Sometimes it’s helpful just to have other people there to share your experiences. You never know where your anger or sadness may lead you.
Women right now are participating in various political ways all across Nova Scotia. Being poltically active can happen in a variety of ways. For instance, a project created in 1999, called WIT (Women in Transition) is helping Nova Scotian women to have their voices heard. Six women’s centres across the province have involved over 200 women from various communities in the project.
Through a participatory research and community development process each centre is working with low-income women in their community to develop an understanding of women’s poverty and the various policy and program changes needed to enable women’s economic independence…Our research findings have been used to develop recommendations and action plans, both locally and provincially, for policy and program change. (WIT 2000)
They even provide childcare and transportation if you regularly attend committee meetings. If you are interested in participating, contact one of the six centres in your area. See the Numbers to Know section.
Go to rallies, protests, and marches to support other groups and meet the people who are doing the work. There other alternative ways to support and participate as well, such as letter writing or phone calling. Be careful with yourself and your child(ren) if you are considering active street demonstration. You do not want to put your child(ren) in danger, or risk being arrested, especially if you are involved in a custody battle.
WHERE TO START?
Sometimes the first place to start is looking for existing groups or organizations either nationally, provincially, or regionally that are already working towards the goals you are looking to achieve. If you are unable to or are interested in starting a local chapter of an existing organization, the best place to start is with the people 66 who you work and live with. These are the people who share your concerns and goals. You don’t have to be a big group to be successful. A small group of well- organized people can achieve great things.
It will take a while to build up your confidence as a group, so start with people you are already comfortable with. We are more than a vote, a file number, or a “client” in an overloaded ‘welfare’ office. We are a group of human beings with feelings and emotions and we need to be friends with each other.
Once you have decided to start recruiting people you do not know into your group, you must figure out a strategy for doing this. In a city or town you can put up notices telling the name of your group, its aim, where and when you will be meeting next, and the person to contact if more information is needed. These notices can be placed on buses, on community bulletin boards, passed out at gatherings such as other meetings, shopping centres, schools, libraries, or universities, and, of course, the grocery store. In rural and urban areas you can do telephone networking. That is, each member is to call two friends and tell them about your group and its next meeting. If some of them come to the meeting and find they are interested, you ask them to call their friends and try to get them to come. These are just a few examples of low-cost advertising for your group.
If your group decides to have a protest in front of city hall, the legislature, a grocery store, or wherever, you will need to know some important things. FIRST AND FOREMOST, depending on where you want to hold the protest or rally, you may need a protest permit. If you are staging a protest on government property, you will definitely need a permit. You ca find out if you need one and where to get it by calling your municipal council, town, office, or city hall. If you do need one, they will probably need twenty-four to forty-eight hours to arrange one, so be sure to call ahead of time. They will need to know the time, place, date, name of the group, and the route and/or location you have chosen for your protest rally. When you have your protest, make sure that one of the organizers has the permit in her pocket if the police or RCMP want to examine it.
Make sure the group of people or person to whom you are directing your protest message will be in the building when you are doing your protest. If you want to know when the Premier will be in, call one of the other political parties and ask them. Or phone city hall or the municipal council office and ask when the mayor or councilors will be in. It’s really embarrassing to organize a protest rally and then find out the person you are directing this protest at is out of town and has been for two days!
You will need numbers of people for a protest. You will want not only members of your group to be present but also any supporters of your group. Again, organize 67 a telephone network and let people know. Or distribute leaflets by putting them around the community. You can also mail these leaflets directly to groups you know will be interested. You can get a mailing list of other groups by asking a political party or a coalition for a mailing list of grassroots groups. You can also find out about grassroots groups and have your own listed for free in “The Handy Dandy” (at NSPIRG, visit http://www.nspirg.org for more info). The leaflet should contain information about the time, place, date of your protest, who your group is and what your aims are, and the purpose of the protest.
The provincial government sometimes deals with people who protest outside the Legislature by locking the gates to the grounds of the Legislature to try to keep us out. First of all, I would like to know why they are locking out the people who own the Provincial Legislature. If they lock you out, demand to be let in. If that doesn’t work, switch to Plan B. Scream, shout, chant, and generally make as much noise as possible. Take pots, pans and cooking utensils with you and bang on the metal fence surrounding the Legislature.
During one protest I participated in, we went up on the Citadel Hill and approximately two hundred protestors banged on the guard rail with pots, frying pans and rocks. It made the most incredible noise! If you decide to use this method of making noise, do not use a rolling pin, large sticks or handles. The police could view these objects as weapons and charge you for having it on your person. Being charged with the dangerous use of a rolling pin may seem funny, however, I have been warned! Also, don’t damage the fence or those in power could get picky and charge you with damaging public property. Bang the fence, bang your pots and pans, scream, shout, sing songs, chant slogans, and make our voices heard! We will not be silenced.
Not all activism has to be focused on street demonstration, you can write letters, work on advocacy research, or even start your own revolution by being the change in your own home.
AUDIO AND VISUAL MESSAGES
To have a successful protest you must have both audio and visual ways of getting your message across. For the audio message you should make up a list of chants or slogans for the crowd to shout. They should be short and clear. For example, during a march in Halifax in support of the Mohawks at Oka, we shouted “ARMY OUT OF OKA!” You should also have a speech or two made up for the crowd of protestors – one to rally up the determination of the supporters at the beginning of the protest and another speech when you arrive at your destination. The last one is to get your message across to the intended party.
68 You may need a battery-charged megaphone. If you are in the Halifax area, you may be able to rent one from McFarland’s or another rent-it store. In other places, you may be able to borrow one from the local fire department. NSPIRG has a megaphone available for loan to its members as well.
For the visual part of protesting, you should have placards and leaflets. The leaflets should contain the information previously discussed. These are handed out to bystanders. You can also circulate petitions for people to sign. You don’t have to circulate leaflets only. During a protest rally to increase the food budgets of ‘welfare’ recipients, protesters handed out Kraft Dinner to demonstrate what women and children on ‘welfare’ were living on.
Placards are really fun to make! You will need Bristol board, wooden pickets, felt markers, and a staple gun. You can get wooden pickets relatively cheap at a hardware or building supply store.
The placards are whole pieces of Bristol board which are folded in half length- wise. You write your message or slogan on both sides of the folded Bristol board, then you put your picket inside the fold and staple the board to the picket. These are sturdier than a whole piece of Bristol board tacked to a picket.
Your message on the Bristol board should be clear and just a few words long so it’s easy to read at a glance. This is important so that bystanders and television audiences can pick up your messages at a glance. Don’t be afraid to be imaginative and bold with your placard messages! When I was involved in a demonstration about the cruelty of politicians and judges towards women in poverty, we wanted to let the public know that not only were we fighting against this cruelty, we were also winning. We did up a huge placard that said: “Mike Laffin, Judge Bartlett, Edmund Morris: Three Down…” The media went nuts over that placard and it was shown on television and in the newspapers. So, get the group together with your placard- making materials, have a bottle of wine, play some Tracy Chapman or Lillian Allen and have fun! It will bring you all closer together.
MEDIA COVERAGE
Once you have decided to hold a protest, rally, vigil, street theatre, or march, you may want to invite the media to come. “Media” means newspaper, radio, and television. Media coverage is a way of letting your opposition know that you are strong in what you are doing. It also helps spread the word about your group and get other people involved. It says that we are a force to be reckoned with. When dealing with the media, try to look at their job from their shoes. No matter how glamorous the job appears, most of them put in long, hard hours that go well beyond a regular nine-to five job. Yu will find some members of the media 69 are wonderfully supportive and warm. You will also find some are egotistical and pushy, and still others just don’t care because it’s simply another story.
If a reporter makes a sexual pass at you or says anything racist or homophobic, go straight to their supervisor. Ignore that reporter at other media events. Don’t forget that people who work in the media are not always as objective as they would like the world to think. They are human too. And some of them have their own ideas about who single mothers are. I have dealth with a few reporters that everyone thinks are just peachy-keen and wonderful, but they go around saying the most horrible things about single mothers. (I am very proud to be disliked by some journalists! They are so right-wing that it is a compliment to be disliked by them!)
On the other hand, I have also dealt with reporters and journalists who think single mother activists are absolutely wonderful women. Needless to say, it’s a good idea to try and establish a good working relationship with the supportive reporters. Keep a record of how each of the reporters and journalists treat you and your group. Make sure and put the word out on the street about which journalists are decent and which journalists to avoid.
Most importantly, NEVER, NEVER say to a reporter “this is off the records.” The reporter’s job is to get information to put together a story. Whether they are sympathetic to your group or not, you will be putting your group and the reporter in a difficult situation by telling the reporter confidential information and then asking her or him not to use it.
There are other types of media coverage besides the news. There are talk shows on radio and television. Newspapers have opinion editorials for guest writers and space for letters to the editor. There are also public service announcements on stations like CKDU or CAPR and community newspapers.
Finally, remember the saying, “You only have freedom of the press if you own the press.” Keep in mind who owns the newspapers, television, and radio stations. They are generally rich, politically well connected, and they are powerful. Sometimes they will not allow certain media coverage because they may feel you’ve had “too much” attention already. Perhaps you are getting so much of the public’s favourable attention that you and/or your group have become threatening to the establishment. Or perhaps the interests of your group are in conflict with those of their advertisers. Hence, the controllers of the media may try to stop this publicity by refusing to acknowledge your work and your activism. Consequently, you will find that some media have certain political slants to their stories.
A few years ago I was involved in a grass-roots group which was very vocal. A local newspaper columnist wrote about us, referring to us as “a gaggle of girls” 70 with “border line intelligence.” We demanded that the editor print an apology or we would have a demonstration outside their editorial office and invite all the other media to come and do stories on it. We had the written apology the next day.
Again, keep in mind who owns the media and keep records of how each of the newspapers and radio and television stations present your stories. As an activist friend of mine says “Selected reality: brought to you by your media.”
PRESS RELEASES
Press releases are a basic tool used to get media coverage for a group. It lets reporters know you are staging a particular event and when that event is happening. It should provide enough information so the media can decide whether to cover it or not. If the media decides not to cover it, there should be enough information to put together a story from the press release.
A press release should be typed, double-spaced on one sheet of paper. On the top right-hand corner should be typed “For Further Information” and the name(s) of the contact person(s). List their telephone numbers; it is important that the media know how to contact your group. On the left-hand side of the release, put the date on which you have sent the release out followed by the words “FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE.” This means that the reporters are free to use the information as soon as they receive it.
Next, write a heading for the release. State it as clearly and as simply as possible. For example, SINGLE MOMS PLAN 12:00 NOON DEMONSTRATION AT LEGISLATURE. The opening paragraph should tell the who, what, when, where and why of the event. The paragraphs in a news release should be short with only two or three sentences and these should be factual. A press release should only have an opinion if you are quoting a spokesperson for your group. The media cannot quote a press release opinion. However, they can quote an opinion from a member of the organization.
At the end of the release centre and type either “-30-“ or “####” to indicate that there is nothing else. If there is another page put “(more)” in the bottom right- hand corner.
Deliver the press release about forty-eight hours before your demonstration. Go through the yellow pages of the telephone book and look under radio, newspaper, and television stations to get the addresses of the media you want your press release to go to. If you want media coverage, time your event between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. That way, there is enough time for reporters to get their stories together for the evening news or the morning paper. 71 VOTE!
The most basic way to begin to make changes and become active is to vote. You only have to do it every couple of years and it takes very little time. The important thing to keep in mind is that you should vote only for the candidate and/or party you feel has your best interests at heart. There are far more working class and poor people than there are rich people. If you believe a politician or political party is doing work only for the rich and the big corporations then don’t vote for them. Their job is to work for all the people and that means the majority of the peole.
If you are a Mi’kmaq single mother, you are in a special circumstance. You may not wish to exercise your voting rights as you may believe in self-government for your people. You may not want to participate in a system of government which you feel is not yours. We must recognize and respect these decision.
Many times political parties ignore us or have done absolutely nothing for us because they think to themselves, “Oh these people don’t vote anyway!” Generally, we don’t, because many of us believe that our one little vote won’t make a difference. Well, it can make a difference if we all vote together. We can force our politicians to pay attention to us and to start meeting our demands. Otherwise we’ll vote them out of office in the next election! So be politically active! Get out! Go vote! Start to make a difference.
72 SINGLE MOMS SPEAK
These are the stories, thoughts and advice from five single mothers living in Nova Scotia. They were gathered through interviews, home visits, email and a self- recorded tape. The diversity of methods explains the different form each one has. One mother wishes to remain anonymous and another’s name has been changed. This was a new chapter added in the last update because it was hoped to be a place for other single mothers to share their stories. There is something comforting and powerful about reading others’ stories. It is empowering to realize that there are other people who have similar experiences. Keep in touch with NSPIRG and send your stories to future editors of the guide or visit the messageboard at http:// survivalguide.nspirg.org to share with others.
ERIE MAESTRO
I forget now where I got hold of the Single Mothers’ Survival Guide (1991 ed). But I remember reading it from cover to cover to make sure I did not miss anything. I was so glad there was this book written just for us.
Being a single mother is difficult and hard work. Being an immigrant woman on top of that makes it more difficult because of the racial and cultural issues involved.
If there is anything that determines the quality of my life here in Canada, it would be gender (my being a woman), my race (who I am and where I come from), my class (which reflects how much money I have) and of course, the level of education and culture I have, and my grasp of the English language. And I would add a fifth factor, that of being a single mother. All of these continue to determine which doors let me in, the new friends I make, the services and facilities I can access here in Canada, and the kind of parenting I have learned.
A single mom once wrote that parenting is like crossing a bridge. You never know how successful you are till you reach the other side. Perhaps. But, I would like to think that you can stop, while you are traveling on that bridge, to strategize on how to continue to cross that bridge surely and triumphantly.
My daughter and I came to Halifax in 1991. As an immigrant mother, I am caught between two culture, my own and a dominant mainstream culture. My daughter lives it too. My daughter does not have my advantage of a memory warehouse of songs and stories, experiences, lessons and friendship and other things that serve as a buffer, a filter, a shield with which to handle this new culture.
My turning point as an immigrant parent was when my daughter, age 4, declared 73 that she wanted her hair to be yellow. My daughter had long, black hair then. I was horrified! It offended me and my nationalist sentiments to hear that my daughter wished to be other than who she was! Too busy studying, I had neglected my ‘nationalist’ responsibility. I didn’t want to lose my daughter into the dominant culture. Like most immigrant mothers, I want my daughter to grow up confident in who she is, proud of the shape of her eyes, nose , and mouth, and the colour of her hair. I want her to know the history of her people and not forget the first language she first spoke and used to understand the world. I want her to be proud that she is Filipina. That is my “nationalist” parenting – feeding her stories about the Philippines, its heroic men and women, and teaching her about the Filipino language. If I failed in this, there would be no one to blame but myself.
To be an immigrant parent also means to do anti-racist parenting. My daughter and I have been subjected to racism – name calling, ridicule, and teasing. We have seen how certain people can hate us just because we look different. Racism is one more thing my child has to recognize and learn how to fight, every day and everywhere. As immigrant parents, we have no choice. At the same time, to parent well is also to teach compassion and respect for differences.
My child is now 13 years-old. In the drama of our lives, I find that as an immigrant mother, I do not have the monopoly of knowledge but I do have the final say on decisions. My daughter has sometimes been my teacher, without her knowing it. Both of us have learned to compromise. Living in two cultures demands that we do so.
Single parenting is crossing that bridge alone. And knowing that when you reach the other side, you did it the best way you could, on your own. And triumph will be so much sweeter.
SARA
It was just before Christmas and he told my son to go upstairs and clean his room. It wasn’t to his satisfaction. He went upstairs, ransacked the whole bedroom…he beat my son and I thought: “That’s it. I tried to leave twice before, I’m still here, what went wrong”? I realized…my mouth. Don’t tell him you’re leaving, just leave. So I called a good friend of mine up and she knew there were problems and she knew to what degree because she had seen the violence.
This man knew how many underwear we all had, how many bras I owned, what I had in my closet, what the boys had. So she says, “let’s rig up your washing machine,” and that’s what we did. She rigged it so that the belt went through halfway and then it broke. It looked like it was a normal wear and tear thing to the naked eye. So now I have to take my clothes somewhere to get washed right? So 74 you go with twelve pairs of underwear, you come back with eleven. Things happen. So every time I’d go over, I’d always make sure I did two loads of laundry at her place and this was my excuse to take out so many pairs of underwear for me and my son, so many tops…By the time we finished we had enough clothes to the two of us for at least two weeks.
I called all these places and they would explain to me what I had to do. I said “well, I’m not ready yet. I’m getting there but not quite ready yet. I know when it will be the right day and the right time.” So from November to December I got all the information and I left it over at my girlfriend’s house.
January 8th, 1998, was D-Day. He went to work. On this day, got my stuff together, ran over to my girlfriend’s house. She said “ok, call Social Services and wile you’re doing that I’ll go get your son”… I called my older son who was at work. Because of my husband’s abuse, my older son left home when he was 14. We almost ended a mother and son relationship. I’m surprised we’re even talking now because of the abuse, but luckily we managed to repair something. So the day I called him I said “look today’s the day, you’re either coming with us..he says what are you talking about? I say I’m leaving him, he says no you’re not, you’ve said that before. I said I might have said it but we’re doing it.”
Calgary ‘welfare’ gave me a cheque for $1300, which paid for three one-way bus tickets and a little bit of food.
I didn’t want to stay in the same city because I knew what was going to happen. He was just going to find me like he did the other two times, sweet talk me into going back with him and then the cycle would go round again. As I said before, I tried counseling. Finally, I said enough – I want out of the province.
Women feel they have to protect the image…what will the neighbours think, what will the neighbours say? To hell with neighbours, what is best for you? If the man is beating the hell outta you, you get out of there. Don’t say I can’t do it, you can do it. Yes, it’s scary, trust me it’s scary. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever done.
MICHELLE
My parents paid for my children and I to go down to the States for Christmas and I was so sad and desperate and unhappy, because of my divorce but we went down there and we went to the airport when it was time to go back to Canada and the plane was supposed to leave about 8 and get in around 11pm. Well the plane didn’t leave until 11. The kids were 6, 8 and 10 at the time.
When we got into Halifax, it was a snowstorm and it was 3 o’clock in the morning 75 and I had just assumed that there would be taxis there, but all the taxis were gone. Everybody on the plane had arranged transportation. It’s three c’clock in the morning and it’s just me and my three kids. I had left my car in town parked where I work. So I was calling the cab companies…nobody was answering and I didn’t know how I was going to get home. Finally, I got somebody out of bed and I said I need to go to downtown Halifax. I’m at the airport and I have three kids here and he said he’d find somebody. He found this woman and he said she would come out and get us. So I waited and waited and no one came. So I called him back and he said her car wasn’t going so her boyfriend had to come over and get her car started, got her on the road and she came and got us.
We were on our way back into Halifax and I just couldn’t thank her enough. I never forgot this woman.
The way I survived was to trust that everyone was going to be ok. Although I’m not a church going person, to pray and pray and pray and then it was very interesting when I started doing that…I found that I frequently got answers to my prayers and that was the most amazing thing. I was so desperate and it was such a blessing to get an answer either in the middle of the night or through dreams or through something happening. It really bery much struck me that I was not alone, that things would work out, that there was somebody helping me and I trusted that with that help, I would make the right decisions, if I was just very careful and thoughtful and had the right motivation, to basically do good, to protect my children and have a peaceful life.
Our life now is quite quiet and content and creative for the most part, I’m fairly happy, which is something that I didn’t think I’d be able to accomplish when I headed into this four years ago.
CHRISTINE SMITH
The following are some accounts and insights on what it is like to be a single mom.
There are the predators – usually men, but sometimes women, who think they can do things to you and your family that they would normally not do if a man was present. There are several types of predators. I have listed and described 6 in the following, along with some advice on how to deal with them.
1. The neighbours who steal your children’s toys, bikes, and even clothing off the line because they pay taxes and if you’re on ‘welfare’ “it’s their stuff anyway.”
Advice: Try to relocate to a place where people are more educated and less 76 judgmental. You may also try calling the police. You have a right to protection and safety.
2. The doctor that tells you to give up your babies for adoption to a “good family” and threatens or harasses you if you do not sign the forms.
Advice: Find another doctor or call the Human Rights Commision. If they do not let you leave their office, call the police.
3. The guy who fakes that he cares about you and the children so that he can live off you – he preys upon any insecurity that you may have about being a single mom, and goes to great lengths when making you feel it is your fault when he points out your “misgivings.” He is essentially the “good guy,” who is soo good that he is willing to be with you, the lowly single mom so you should be grateful and put up with him. He is full of himself.
Advice: You do not need him or any of his kind. You have the power to do what you need to and more. Your children have the right to be loved and not used as pawns by a pig in Knight clothing. Just look into your children’s eyes and you will find all that you need. You can find a way and be that great person that you are. Just keep loving and being loyal to your family.
4. The sexual king who think the same way as predator 1, but also about your body. They think that you have no power to do anything about them. But you do. They can be dealt with.
Advice Call the police. Also, the sexual assault hotline can help. Remember that you are not alone – there is help out there.
5. The employer who thinks they have you over a barrel and tries to make you do more work or high level work without paying you for it. For me one out of many life experiences involved a business lunch. Halfway through the lunch the creep told me that he had no work for me and that he invited me to lunch just to because he wanted to spend time with me. So I thanked him for lunch, left and billed him for my time.
Advice: Call the Department of Labour and Human Rights Commission. Just tell on them and keep telling on them. Sometimes it is better to eat macaroni for a short while. Eventually, you can make it. Just be true to yourself. You’re worth as much as the next person and not every employer is like predator 5. By standing up for yourself, you show that you value yourself. If you value yourself then others will too.
77 6. The teachers or lunch monitors who look the other way when your child is being beaten for having a single mom for a parent and/or for not being white or rich, or automatically blames your child when something goes wrong. Or leaves them out of a certain event without sufficient reasons.
Advice: Confront them directly in a diplomatic or polite way. Sometimes it is better to mediate through a principal or teacher you trust. If they are abusive to you or persist with persecuting your children, call the school board, and the Human Rights Commission. They must be reported. They are a danger to all children when they provide care to children with exclusions based on race, class, status or wealth.
Although there may be others, these were among the worst predators that I encountered along my journeys as sole parent of three children.
All single moms everywhere should be treated like gold. Most have gone through unimaginable nightmares – yet manage to provide for children even in the toughest times. They are an inspiration to all of us, and should be recognized as such. Like heroes, they truly run the daily gauntlet and survive.
HEATHER MOORE
I give kids complete and utter reposted. My daughter deserves it. I’m out watching my kid playing cause I like my kid, cause I want to hang with my kid as often as I can. My priorities from the beginning were children and the future and not about making money. When I gave birth to my daughter, I made her and the children in my life priority.
Society doesn’t do that. They’re the next generation. The system does not make the next generation more important than we are and they are. They’re the ones who are going to be looking after us when we’re in diapers in our old age. Where do these political systems come from, that don’t incorporate any of that? We can sit and judge as many single parents as we want but then again it’s not about the parents and how they were irresponsible to get there and all that other stuff…It’s about these children growing up in poverty, growing up with hungry stomachs, growing up with parents who are too stressed out to eat. These are the children who are going to school without breakfast because their mother didn’t have enough energy to get up early enough to look after them because she didn’t eat the day before and she’s frustrated cause she hasn’t had somebody in such a long time pattin’ her on the back going “you know what, I see how hard you’re working. I know this is difficult for you, but you know you’re gonna be alright.” Nobody. They don’t want to support you. They want to sit around saying we can’t give you this and we can’t 78 give you that and not one of them is going this is what we can do for you and this is how you can stay alive. They’re not gung ho about keeping people alive. They’re gung ho about keeping the system alive I guess.
The medical system isn’t there to keep people alive either. It’s there to keep the status quo. I was in a hospital for some time. The last time I went in I didn’t want their drugs. They didn’t like that. I don’t want to be medicated. I’m angry, I’m frustrated, I’m depressed. There’s a reason for it and as long as you medicate me I don’t get to those reasons. You know I don’t get to deal with those things. I’m ready to be angry now. I couldn’t do that for years because I had too many things to do.
People are judgmental as soon as they find out you’re on ‘welfare’. They don’t like you to look pretty. I start dressing up and looking pretty and I’ve made a point of it in the last little while because I can. For the first time in 12 years, my daughter’s old enough and I can breath and look in the mirror. Wow I have long hair. It grew long over those years. I never even had a haircut in the last 12 years. It grew really long in a neat kind of shape. Wow I can put braids in and pretty things and that’s a lot to me. Small pleasures are a lot to me. They want to see me looking dirty. The minute I start looking good, I’m arrogant and I must be cheating somebody. The fact is I have a lot of clothes. I didn’t buy any of them. I used to volunteer at Adsum House for a long time, so I’d go to Adsum House and get my clothes from the shelter. I’m a woman. I have a right to dress up nice.
The hardest part about being a single parent is the stereotypes…breaking through those, convincing people to help me out past the stereotypes.
I’m trying to figure out what is the definition of success? And who am I really? Well maybe according to some people, financially I’m not successful but I have a lot of love in my life. I have a lot of life in my life. I’m awake, I’m alive and I love my daughter. And my daughter loves me and that’s all that matters.
79 NUMBERS TO KNOW IN NOVA SCOTIA
In this section we have tried to include as many organizations and telephone numbers as possible. However, some groups or resources may have been overlooked. Some telephone numbers and/or addresses may have changed, although they were all accurate as of the time of printing. Write in any extra addresses and telephone numbers as you come across them. Please write to smsg@ nspirg.org and let us know of any important numbers we may have missed or corrections.
Another great resource is your local telephone book. The white pages contain a section in back called the “Blue Pages” that list federal, provincial, and municipal government departments. The first section of the yellow pages contain an “InfoGuide” section, with listings like the Human Resource Service Guide, and a directory to legal services in Nova Scotia, including the information codes for Dial- A-Law topics.
Don’t be confused by the lack of street addresses provided for transition houses in your area. Remember that transition houses provide safe shelter for women leaving abusive situations and for this reason the addresses are never published.
The main thing to remember is that if you need help and you don’t know where to turn, try either your local women’s resource centre or your local HelpLine. All are clearing houses for information and should be able to give you some idea of where to go for help. Your local library may also provide listings of resources available in your community.
The (WIT) you see beside some women’s centres stands for Women in Transition Project. It was mentioned in the Political chapter. Women’s as well as parent resource centres listed are excellent sources of resources and help. Make sure to ask if your local centre has a single parent support group. It’s worth it to get involved.
80 AMHERST/TRURO AREA
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Family & Children’s Services of Cumberland County 667-3336 Box 399, Amherst, NS B4H 3Z5
Children’s Aid & Community Services 893-5950 60 Lorne St, Truro, NS B2N 5G7
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
Career & Transition Services, Department of Education 893-7209 Nova Scotia Community College, Truro Campus, 36 Arthur St, Truro, NS B2N 1X5
Amherst Human Resource Centre of Canada 661-6619 26-28 Prince Arthur Street, Amherst, NS B4H 1V6
Truro Human Resource Centre of Canada 893-0016 60 Lome St, Truro, NS B2N 3K3
FAMILY COURT
Amherst Family Court 667-3598 16 Church St, Third Floor, Amherst, NS B4H 3A6
Truro Family Court 893-5930 540 Prince St, Truro, NS B2N 1G1
FAMILY PLANNING
Cumberland County Family Planning 667-7500 12 LaPlanche St, Amherst, NS B4H 4B8 81 (An affiliate of Planned Parenthood)
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 667-7544 55 Church St, Box 262, Amherst, NS B4H 3Z2
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 893-5920 523 Prince St., Suite 102, Truro, NS B2N 1E8
PROGRAMS FOR ABUSIVE MEN
New Directions 667-4500 Box 1141, Amherst, NS B4H 4L2
Bridges: A Domestic Abuse Intervention Program 897-6665 670 Prince St., Unit 2, Truro, NS B2N 1G6 (also has program for partners for abusive men)
TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Cumberland County Transition House Assoc. 667-1344 or Crisis Line 667-1200 Box 1141, Amherst, NS B4H 4L2
The Third Place 893-4844 or Crisis Line 893-3232 AND toll free 1 800 565 4878 Box 1681, Truro, NS B2N 5Z5
WOMEN’S CENTRES
Available in New Glasgow.
OTHER
Nova Scotia Native Women’s Association 893-7402 Box 805, Truro, NS B2N 5E8 82 ANNAPOLIS VALLEY
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Department of Community Services 532-2337 752 St. George St, Municipal building, Box 39 Annapolis Royal, NS B0S 1A0
Department of Community Services 678-6176 76 River St, Kentville, NS B4N 1G9
Family & Children’s Services of Annapolis County 532-2337 752 St.George St, Municipal Building, Box 39 Annapolis Royal, NS B0S 1A0
Family & Children’s Services of Hants County 798-2289 Box 99, Windsor, NS B0N 2T0
Family & Children’s Services of Kings County 678-6176 76 River St, Kentville, NS B4N 1G9
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
Career & Transition Services, Department of Education and Culture 679-6203 Belcher St, Box 487, Kentville, NS B4N 3X3
Kentville Human Resource Centre of Canada 679-5772 495 Main St, Kentville, NS B4N 3W5
Windsor Human Resource Centre of Canada 798-6518 80 Water St, Windsor, NS B0N 2T0
FAMILY COURT
83 Kentville Family Court 679-6075 136 Exhibition St, Kentville, NS B4N 4E5
FAMILY PLANNING
Red Door 679-1411 28 Webster Court, Kentville, NS B4N 1H7
HELPLINES
Regional Victim Services 679-6201 or 1-800-565-1805
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 532-2311 253 St George St, McCormick Building Box 188, Annapolis Royal, NS B0S 1A0
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 679-6110 325 Main St, Salon B, Kentville, NS B4N 1K5
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 798-8397 138 Gerrish St, Box 760, Windsor, NS B0N 2T0
TRANSITION AND SAFE HOUSES
Chrysallis House 679-6544 or Crisis Line 679-1922/1-800-264-8682 Box 356, Kentville, NS B4N 3X1
84 ANTIGONISH/GUYSBOROUGH
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Department of Community Services 863-3213 325 Main St, Second Floor, Provincial Building, Suite 101, Antigonish, NS B2G 2C3
Guysborough Community Services 533-4007 Box 90, Chedabucto Mall, Guysborough, NS B0H 1N0
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
Career & Transition Services, Department of Education & Culture 625-3761 Department of Education, 226 Reeves St., Rm. 211, Strait Area Campus B9A 2A2 (Career planning & transition counseling for Antigonish, Guysborough, Inverness & Richmond Counties)
Human Resource Centre 533-2119 9996 Route 16, Guysborough, Box 230 B0H 1N0
Antigonish Human Resource Centre of Canada 863-7069 325 Main Street, Antigonish, NS B2G 2C3
FAMILY COURT
Antigonish Family Court 863-7312 11 James St, Antigonish, NS B2G 1R6
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 863-3350 273 Main St, Antigonish, NS B2G 2C3
PROGRAMS FOR ABUSIVE MEN 85 Shifting Gears Family Services 863-2358 188 Main St, Antigonish, NS B2G 2B9
TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Naomi Society 863-3807, Crisis Line 863-3807 23 Bay St, Suite 316, Antigonish, NS B2G 2G7
WOMEN’S CENTRES
Antigonish Women’s Resource Centre (WIT) 863-6221 219 Main St, Kirk Place, Suite 204, Antigonish, NS B2G 2C1
86 BRIDGEWATER/LUNENBURG
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Family & Community Services Lunenburg County 543-4554 99 High St, Provincial Building, Suite 105, Bridgewater, NS B4V 1V8
Family & Children’s Services 354-2771 Box 1360, Liverpool, NS B0T 1K0
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
*Career & Transition Services, Department of Education & Culture 543-0500 c/o Lunenburg Campus, 75 High St, Bridgewater, NS B4V 1V8 (Career planning & transition counseling)
Human Resource Centre 527-5511 77 Dufferin St, Box 3100, Bridgewater, NS B4V 3J1
FAMILY COURT
Family Court 543-0525 599 King St. Suite 201, Bridgewater, NS B4V 1B3
FAMILY PLANNING
Planned Parenthood of Bridgewater 543-1315 c/o Second Story Women’s Centre 12 Dominion St, Bridgewater, NS B4V 2W8 (NS Affiliate)
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 543-4658 724 King St, Bridgewater, NS B4V 1B4 87 TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Harbour House 543-3665, Crisis Line 543-3999 Box 355, Bridgewater, NS B4V 2W9
WOMEN’S CENTRES
Second Story Women’s Centre 543-1315 624 King St, Bridgewater, NS B4V 1B4
88 HALIFAX/DARTMOUTH/SACKVILLE (HALIFAX REGIONAL MUNICIPALITY)
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Children & Family Services (Sackville) 869-3600 70 Memory Lane, Sackville, NS B4C 2J3
Department of Community Services (Dartmouth) 424-3298 277 Pleasant St, Suite 400, Dartmouth, NS B2Y 4B7
Department of Community Services (Halifax) 424-4150 Box 2561, Halifax, NS B3J 3N5
Department of Community Services (Sackville) 864-5600 70 Memory Lane, Sackville, NS B4C 2J3
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
Career & Transition Services, Department of Education & Culture 491-3528 Nova Scotia Community College West End Mall Campus 6960 Mumford Rd Suite 25a B3L 4P1
Human Resource Centre (Bedford) 426-9214 1597 Bedford Highway, Royal Bank Building, 2nd Floor, Bedford, NS B4A 3Z8
Human Resource and Skills Centre (Dartmouth) 426-5996 46 Portland St, Royal Bank Building, 5th floor, PO Box 2400 DEPS, Dartmouth, NS B2W 4A5
Human Resource Centre (Halifax) 426-9617 2nd Floor, Mumford Tower II, Halifax Shopping Centre, 7001 Mumford Rd, Box 1800, 89 Halifax, NS B3J 3V1
Human Resource Centre (North Halifax) Halifax North Career Development Centre 425-3464 2178 Gottingen, Halifax, NS B3K 3E5
SUPREME COURT FAMILY DIVISION
424-3990 3380 Devonshire Ave, Halifax, NS B3K 5M6 PO Box 8988 Station A
FAMILY PLANNING
Planned Parenthood Metro Clinic 455-9656 6009 Quinpool Rd, Suite 201, Halifax, NS B3K 5J7
Termination of Pregnancy Unit 473-7072
HELPLINES
Help Line 421-1188
Department of Justice Victim Services 424-3307
Regional Police Victim Services 490-5300
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Dalhousie Legal Aid 423-8105 2209 Gottingen St, Halifax, NS B3K 3B5
Dial-A-Law (24 Hr Service) 420-1888
90 Nova Scotia Legal Aid (Dartmouth) 420-8815 99 Wyse Rd, Suite 300, Dartmouth, NS B3A 4S5
Nova Scotia Legal Aid (Halifax) 420-6583 5475 Spring Garden Rd, Suite 400 Halifax, NS B3J 3P2
Nova Scotia Legal Aid (Metro Office) 420-3450 2830 Agricola St, Halifax, NS B3K 4E4
Public Legal Education Society of Nova Scotia 454-2198 1-800-665-9779 5523B Young St, Hydrostone Market, Halifax, NS B3K 1Z7
PROGRAMS FOR ABUSIVE MEN
Veith House Veith House isn’t just a program for abusive men any more, they’re a multi-facility. They have pre-school, counseling, in-home parenting program, supervised access program, advocacy, trusteeing and a CAP site. 453-4320 3115 Veith St, Halifax, NS B3K 3G9 (Also has counselor for female partners of abusive men)
Project New Start 423-4675 1568 Hollis St. suite 210 Halifax, NS B3J 1V3
*Alive Program 424 5623
TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Bryony House 423-7183 or Crisis Line 422-7650 2786 Agricola, suite 119 Halifax NS B3K 4E1
Adsum House 91 429-4443 Shelter for homeless women and children. 2421 Brunswick Street Halifax NS, B3K 2Z4
Barry House 422-8324 Emergency Shelter for Women and their children 2581 Brunswick Street Halifax, NS B3K 2Z5
WOMEN’S CENTRES
Dalhousie Women’s Centre 494-2432 6286 South Street
Lea Place (WIT) 885-2668 PO Box 245 Sheet Harbour, NS B0J 3B0
OTHER
AIDS Coalition of Nova Scotia 429-7922 1657 Barrington ST, Suite 326, Halifax, NS B3J 2A1
*Avalon Centre (formerly Service for Sexual Assault Victims) 422-4240 5670 Spring Garden Rd, Suite 507, Halifax, NS B3J 18G
Bayers Westwood Family Support Services Assoc. 454-9444 3499 McAlpine Ave, Halifax, NS B3L 3X8
Coverdale (advocacy group for women) 422-6417 2346 Hunter St, Halifax, NS B3K 4V6
Extra Support for Parents Program 470-7111 IWK-Grace Health Centre, 5850/5980 University Ave PO Box 9700, Halifax, NS B3K 6R8
Family Services Association 92 420-1980 1-888-886-5552 West End Mall 6960 Mumford Rd. Suite S14 B3L 431
Family Service of Support Association (Family SOS) 455-5515 7071 Bayers Rd, Suite 337, Halifax, NS B3L 2C2
In Home Parenting Program 453-4320 Veith House, 3115 Veith St, Halifax, NS B3K 3G9
MicMac Friendship Centre 420-1576 2158 Gottingen St, Halifax, NS B3K 3B4
MISA *IMMIGRANT SERVICES 423-3607 7105 Chebucto Road Suite 201 Halifax, B3L 4W8
NS Advisory Council on the Status of Women 424-8662 OR 1-800-565-8662 6169 Quinpool Rd, Suite 202, Halifax, NS B3J 2T3
Parent Resource Centre (Dartmouth) 464-2203 47 Wentworth St, Dartmouth, NS B2Y 2T1
Parent Resource Centre (Halifax) 492-0133 5475 Uniacke Halifax, NS, B3K 5V5
Progress Centre for Early Intervention 423-2686 3530 Novalea Drive, Halifax, NS B3K 3E8 (Resource Centre for parents of children with special needs)
*Reach Ability Nova Scotia 429-5878 6389 Coburg Rd, Halifax, NS B3H 2A5
Single Parent Centre 479-3031 3 Sylvia Ave, Spryfield, NS B3R 1J7 93 Special Needs Emergency Response Program 425-5860
Veith House Veith House isn’t just a program for abusive men any more, they’re a multi-facility. They have pre-school, counseling, in-home parenting program, supervised access program, advocacy, trusteeing and a CAP site. 453-4320 3115 Veith St, Halifax, NS B3K 3G9 (Also has counselor for female partners of abusive men)
YWCA 423-6162 1239 Barrington St, Halifax, NS B3J 1Y3
For an excellent & comprehensive guide to these and other groups in Metro Halifax, contact Nova Scotia Public Interest Research Group at 494-6662 for a copy of the Handy Dandy Directory.
94 PICTOU/NEW GLASGOW AREA
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Children’s Aid Society 755-5950 7 Campbells Lane, New Glasgow, NS B2H 2H9
Department of Community Services 755-7363 678 East River Road, New Glasgow, PO Box 488 B2H 5E5
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
*Human Resource Centre 755-7826 340 East River Rd, New Glasgow, NS B2H 3P7
FAMILY COURT
Department of Justice - Family Court 485-7025 69 Water Street, Pictou, NS PO Box 1750 NS, B0K 1H0
FAMILY PLANNING
Pictou County Women’s Centre 755-4647 35 River Side St PO Box 964, New Glasgow, NS B2H 5K7
Pictou County Centre for Sexual Health 695 3366 35 River Side St. PO Box 964, New Glasgow, NS B2H 5K7
HELPLINES
Help Line 752-5952 75 Lavinia Street site 119 New Glasgow, NS, B2H 1N5
Regional Victim Services 755-7110 or 1-800-565-7912 95 LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 755-7020 116 George St, New Glasgow, NS B2H 2K6
TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Tearmann Society 752-1633 or 752-0132 Box 153, New Glasgow, NS B2H 5E2
WOMEN’S CENTRES
Pictou County Women’s Centre (WIT) 755-4647 SEE ABOVE FOR ADDRESS.
96 PORT HAWKESBURY AREA
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
*Children’s Aid of Inverness-Richmond 625-0660 Box 359, Port Hawkesbury, NS B0E 2V0
*Department of Community Services 625-0660 Box 359, Port Hawkesbury, NS B0E 2V0
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
Career & Transition Services, Department of Education & Culture 625-3761 Rm 225, Box 1225, Port Hawkesbury, NS, B0E 2V0
Human Resources Centre 625-4115 811 Reeves St, Unit 8, Port Hawkesbury, NS B9A 2S4
FAMILY COURT
Family Court 625-2665 218 MacSween St, unit 2, Port Hawkesbury, NS B9A 2J9
FAMILY PLANNING
Available in Sydney or New Glasgow
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 1-888-817-0116 273 Main St, Antigonish, NS B2G 2C3
TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Leeside Transition House 625-1990 or Crisis Line 625-2444/1-800-565-3390 97 PO Box 6913, Port Hawkesbury, NS B9A 2W2 (Will assist you with the issue of violence against yourself and your children.)
OTHER
Family Service of Inverness-Richmond 625-0131 301 Pitt Street, unit 4, Port Hawkesbury, NS B9A 2T6 (Private counseling – fees scaled to income level, referral not needed)
98 SHELBOURNE/YARMOUTH/DIGBY AREA
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Children’s Aid of Shelburne County 637-2337 Box 9, Barrington, NS B0W 1E0
Department of Community Services (Digby) 245-5811 84 Warwick St, Box 399, Digby, NS B0V 1A0
Department of Community Services (Shelburne) 637-2335 Box 9, Barrington, NS B0W 1E0
Department of Community Services (Yarmouth) 742-0722 10 Starrs Rd, Yarmouth, NS B5A 2T1
Family & Children’s Services of Yarmouth County 742-0700 10 Starrs Rd, Yarmouth, NS B5A 2T1
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
*Career & Transition Services, Department of Education & Culture 742-0640 372 Pleasant St, Yarmouth, NS B5A 2L2
Human Resource Centre 742-6178 13 Willow Street, Yarmouth, NS B5A 4B2
*Human Resource Centre 875-2452 218 Water St, Box 819, Shelburne, NS B0T 1W0
FAMILY COURT
Yarmouth Family Court 742-0550 99 403 Main St, Yarmouth, NS B5A 1G3
FAMILY PLANNING
Planned Parenthood 742-0085 126 Brunswick St, Yarmouth, NS, B5A 2H3
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 742-7827 101 Water St, Pier 1 Complex, Box 163, Yarmouth, NS B5A 4B2
TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Juniper House 742-8689 Box 842, Yarmouth B5A 4K9
WOMEN’S CENTRES
Women’s Centre 742-0085 126 Brunswick St., Yarmouth, NS B5A 2H3
OTHER
Parent’s Place-daycare, resources for families with kids under six 749-1718 34 Bernard St, Yarmouth, NS B5A 3T5
100 SYDNEY/NORTH SYDNEY
CHILD PROTECTION & COMMUNITY SERVICES
Children’s Aid Society of Cape Breton 563-3400 360 Prince St, Provincial Building, Suite 33, Sydney, NS B1P 5L1
Department of Community Services 842-4000 633 Main St, Senator’s Place, 3rd Floor, Glace Bay, NS B1A 6J3
Department of Community Services 563-3300 360 Prince St, Provincial Building, Suite 25, Sydney, NS B1P 5L1
EMPLOYMENT CENTRES
Career & Transition Services, 563-2265 NSCC-Marconi Campus PO Box 1042 Sydney, NS B1P 6J7
Human Resource Centre 842-2414 633 Main St, Glace Bay, NS B1A 6J3
Human Resource Centre 564-7249 15 Dorchester St, Sydney, NS B1P 6J3
FAMILY COURT
Sydney Family Court 563-2200 136 Charlotte St, Sydney, NS B1P 1C3
FAMILY PLANNING
Planned Parenthood Cape Breton 539-5158 106 Townsend St, Office 8, Box 1598, Sydney, NS B1P 6R8
101 HELPLINES
HelpLine 562-4357
LEGAL AID & INFORMATION
Nova Scotia Legal Aid 563-2295 336 King’s Rd, Suite 201, Sydney, PO Box 1373 NS B1P 6K3
PROGRAMS FOR ABUSIVE MEN
Project Second Chance 567-0979 106 Townsend Ave, Suite 6, Sydney, NS B1P 5E1 (Treatment group for men who are abusive in relationships)
TRANSITION & SAFE HOUSES
Cape Breton Transition House 539-2945 Box 487, Sydney, NS B1P 6H4
WOMEN’S CENTRES
Every Woman’s Centre (WIT) 567-1212 102 Townsend St, Sydney, NS B1P 5E1
OTHER
The Ann Terry Outreach Project 539-0404 165 Townsend St, Box 368, Sydney, NS B1P 6H2 (Women’s employment counseling – call ahead)
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