Page 6 October 29, 2009 MANHATTAN BEACH SUN Frankly Plank Yanks vs. Phillies--Who By Duane Plank had taken the series lead? Last year, the Halos couldn’t put down a Anyway, fan, phrasing it “New York Yan- Cares? bunt in their walk-off playoff loss against kees leads 1-0” is an abomination, and this By Duane Plank Guess that is more than one word… Any- the Red Sox that sent them packing. This wordsmith was a bit torqued off. Mentioned it Angels lose to the Yanks and my dog who, fatty was benched last week for some year they couldn’t figure out how to handle to the fellas whom I was watching with and Halo was way ticked off. And my wife, the Kowski guy; may have finally seen the last a bunt--no, two bunts, in the bottom of the they agreed, although they probably could Yankee fan, couldn’t understand the dog’s of the ex-LSU signal-caller. eighth in their final cataclysmic loss to the not have cared less. Or spelled abomination. distemper. Halo? Angels? Connect the dots. Another “worst match-up of the year” money-is-no-object Yankees. What will they But you know what? Midway through game We named the dog after the best involves my Rams, proudly sporting a 0-7 screw up next year, the intentional walk? three, a game the Angels actually won, FOX team in LA, dear. Get it? Carumba! She record. The Lambs will play in Detroit, Yup, I am ticked off. folks changed the box to read “NY leads 2-0.” was so sad Sunday night. The dog, I mean. where the tanking economy has created a By the way, A-Rod? Steroid cheater. Andy Which was correct grammatically. Hallelujah! Hallelujah, hoops fans, the Lakers, and for few issues more important than whether the Pettitte? Steroid cheater. Look it up, folks. And are you a fan of the box in the bot- that matter, the joke-that-is/are the Clippers crappy Lions can outplay the crappier Rams Ah, the perils of a deadline. Wrote in the tom right-hand corner of the TV on TNT tipped off the regular season with a resound- in something as trivial as a football game. column published last Thursday that Vlade, that immediately lets you know if a pitch ing Laker victory over the sad-sack Clips Oh, and I almost forgot another game. Seems yup Vlade, Guerrero should be benched by was a strike or a ball? According to “Big Tuesday night at Staples Center. I think. the Brett Favre-led Minnehaha Vikings will Angel manager Mike Scioscia. The man didn’t Brother?” I am sure that the umps love it. Sent this to the powers that be only a mere be the guests of the Packers in Green Bay pay attention to me, started Vlade in game But maybe they need a little accountability. 36 hours before the game, so I am going this Sunday. Beautiful. The prodigal scum three of the ALCS, and lo and behold the Or a lot of accountability. Some of those guys to take a leap of faith and assume a Purple returns home. Was that too harsh? Brett did creaky-kneed DH cranked a critical two-run shrink the strike zone down to the size of and Gold victory over the CBA imitators chuck a couple of picks last week in the in the Angels’ first victory in the a pillbox. Maybe that is one of the reasons wearing Clip unis. Vikes’ loss to the Steelers, but according to series. And lashed two critical hits in the that some of these games take about four Should get hoop-a-holic RJ the Golfer to the people paying attention, they weren’t Halos thrilling game five come-from-behind hours to complete. chime in regularly this basketball season and his fault. victory. Plus three hits in game six. Guess I Watching Angels/Yanks. Oh, Angels got add his dubious expertise to the columns. Bouncing back to the baseball, game two of jumped the gun on that one. screwed on a call. Shock. Oh, guess I gotta Trust me, if the Lakers started out 1-0, he is the World Series was to be played Thursday Also raved about Dodger starting say a-ok, Yanks just got screwed on a call. probably checking online for playoff tickets. night. Like I care. . Hoped that he would start Turnabouts, fair play. Course the guys at And if they somehow stumbled on opening Angel fans, do you think free agent starting game five against the Phillies in the NLCS. FOX replayed the Yankee hosing ad nauseam. night to the Clips, he may have already pitcher will return to the fold? Got my wish--seems that the brilliant Trolley Shoot-howdy! contemplated a long walk on a short pier. Big John wasn’t too pleased with Manager Dodger manger Joe Torre and I think alike. Gotta leave the game, leave the plasma, to RJ has graciously said that he will add his Mike Scioscia when Scioscia micromanaged Padilla started in lieu of Clayton “Koufax” pick up the kid, who is practicing soccer in one cent to these columns. Occasionally. If his ace out of the game in the top of the Kershaw. That didn’t work out too well, did it? the dark. Great. Soccer in the dark. Seems he can spell the words correctly. seventh inning last week against the Yankees. Oh, well. I promise to keep throwing somewhat appropriate, so help me David Did I tell you that I do know of at least Could have sealed the deal for Lackey to take stuff at the sports wall, hoping that some Beckham! one Clipper fan? And she also happens to his glove and balls and move on down the of it will stick. The Yankees and their 500-zillion-dollar be a Raider fan? Sorry about the impressive road to the Ravine and chuck for the Dodg- All right, sometimes I may talk too much. line-up are leading my little engine that could loss last Sunday, Girl, but I will protect the ers next spring. Or how bout this? Lackey No need to confirm that, you folks who know Angels 3-0. Now it is five-zip (A-Rod homer) identity of the lady, who still supports her to the . Only makes sense, me. But ran into a situation the other day and the New York umps just made another fellas, lose or lose. Me, I couldn’t handle all guy is from Texas. Stealing him from the when my alleged acerbic wit didn’t work incredibly biased call. Sheesh. of the failure, but then again I support the St. Angels would be a really shrewd move for out too well. May not love the Yanks, but I do love Louis Rams and the LA Kings, so I know Nolan Ryan, the man running the show for Walked into a local candy store, hoping . What a class guy. Hall-of-Famer, a little bit about the pain of enduring loss the Rangers. And Ryan has implemented a to pick up some high-cal chocolates. The stays out of trouble, plays the game the way after loss after another pitiful performance program where the starting are actu- lady behind the counter was very, very, nice, it should be played. Whoops, ‘nother call last Sunday, when the Rams were edged by ally expected to pitch more than six innings gave me two samples of said candy, and messed up by the umps, and this call could the Indy Colts 42-6. Seventeen in a row for every five days. Quality start, my butt. then excused herself to go into the back of have been made by the late Helen Keller. the Rams! Speaking of the Trolley Dodgers, do you the store to get some stock for the shelves. Against the Halos, and in favor of the bil- Can you believe that it is already week ocho think the Blue braintrust might make this She trusted me not to loot the joint, which lionaire Yanks. of the NFL season? The incredible Denver trade today: Roy Halladay for Chad Billing- I thought was very sporting of her. Wonder who they will buy up next year, Broncos visit the Baltimore Ravens, who sley, plus another decent player and assorted In walks a grey-haired maven. She circles those Boys from the Bronx, for the tune are in need of a midseason win to get back flotsam and jetsam? Until the Dodgers can the floor very quickly, obviously in a hurry, of $175 or so million bucks? Lets see, the on the winning track. The choking-away-a- run a true numero uno pitcher out there then approaches me, and asks, “Is anybody $$$$$$$$$$$$$$Yankees may need an sure-win Miami Dolphins have a road game every fifth day, and not buffalo us with the working here?” Sure as heck ain’t me work- next season. Maybe they can buy in New York vs. the Jets and somewhat nondescript Randy Wolfe, the not-quite-ready ing there, maam. So I answer, “Yes.” But I up...fill in the blank. Proud, are you, Yank erratic rookie QB Marc Sanchez, who was Clayton “Koufax” Kershaw, Chad “Barbara” couldn’t resist the chance to reverse fields fans? Specially the gentleman who was being fitted for a bust in Canton by some of Billingsley, or the guy I touted before he got and add, “No. They just let us customers hyperventilating last week when the Yanks the cheerleading morons in the East Coast his butt kicked, Vicente Padilla, they can’t walk in and help ourselves.” What a smartass. were leading 3-0 in game three, and leading media before his recent implosion. But then be taken seriously as possible World Series Couldn’t help myself. The old bitty shot me 2-0 in the series. Unbleeping believable! he had the good fortune to square off with participants. a very nasty look, turned on her heel, and Anyone, anybody, please beat the Yanks the Raiders last Sunday, and that was good How would “Wackey” Lackey look in exited the store, probably to return to whatever in the next series. Guess that would have to for an ego boost win and a shutout victory. the Dodger blues next season? Hate to lose happy spot she had quickly emerged from. be the Phillies, right? And sorry to my wife, The wife’s New York Giants invade Phila- Lackey, as an Angel fan, but if we gotta lose Great. When the lady who actually did who is a Yankee fan. I support all you are, delphia for a tussle with the Eagles, who him, rather see him go up the 5 freeway to work there returned, I told her what had dear, but find it hard to root for the Yanks should still be ashamed of themselves after the Trolley Dodgers than to Halo division happened, how I had driven out a potential nowadays. their loss to the Raiders a week-and-a-half rival, the improving Rangers. customer with my not-so-funny sarcasm. The Switching to the senior circuit, nice story ago. Course the Giants are on a two-game Good to see that Raider coach Tom Cable lady was cool about it, said no worries, and surfaced after the all-important game four of losing skid, bowing to Kurt Warner and the escaped any charges in his alleged alterca- I went on my merry way. the Dodger/Philly series. You know, the one Gridbirds last Sunday night. tion with an assistant coach that left the But I may have cost her a sale. I gotta watch that humongo reliever lost The undefeated Colts, chosen team of assistant coach with a busted jaw. Maybe the the sarcasm. As actor Stephen Baldwin said in the bottom of the ninth? With two outs. my vivacious neighbor Shannon, play host overmatched puppet coach Cable was totally in the horrible sequel to Slap Shot, which was split the gap in right-center, to coach Mighty Mike Singletary and his innocent of the charges. And maybe the as- the greatest hockey movie in the history of sending a rocket to the wall to score the 49ers. Who almost came all the way back sistant coach fell off of his chair during a the world, when questioned about some of tying and winning runs. Did you see where last Sunday in Houston to defeat the Texans. staff meeting, breaking his own jaw. Maybe. his demons, he answered, “I’m working on Man-Ram was in the bottom of the ninth? But they didn’t win, so who cares, right? Ain’t love grand? Frank McCourt fires it.” So am I. Work in progress. He had been replaced in the outfield by Juan And the Chargers’ season will be nearing his lovely estranged wife, Jamie, from her More peeves regarding the baseball play- Pierre, for defensive purposes, which is kinda the precipice if they don’t beat the visiting incredibly overpaid position as CEO with offs. Nice to see the dunderheads at FOX funny in its own way. Raiders and corpulent QB JaMarcus Rus- the team. This one’s gonna get interesting, finally figured out a little bit of the English So where was the steroid-cheater? Watch- sell. Need to find another couple of words folks? Imagine that, a husband firing his wife. language. For at least a game and a half in ing intently from the bench, cheering on his to substitute for corpulent in my weekly Sure that hasn’t been considered by any of the Angel/Yankee series, the moron in charge teammates? Pacing back and forth in the critique of J. Russ. How bout out-of-shape you, has it? Hope my wife hasn’t read this of graphics gave us a little box in the up- dugout, too nervous to watch Broxton blow fatty, cashing a huge paycheck, can’t play? far into the column... • per right-hand corner that said “NYY leads the ? Or abandoning his teammates, 1-0.” Okay, I guess they were trying to be taking a shower, preparing to get the hell helpful, letting us know who was leading out of the clubhouse and ballpark as fast the best-of-seven series. as he could? Numero tres, folks. More of Since the peeps over at FOX were openly the Manny being Manny crap, fans. When rooting for the Yanks, wonder if they would will it end? How long does this guy have have focused on the same info if the Halos a free pass? •

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