Jcultcha & Funny Pages

JCULTCHA Shalom Gorewitz/Harriet Tubman Leads the Jews Out of Eastern Europe & FUNNY PAGES AUTUMN 2009 33 34 JEWISH CURRENTS AUTUMN 2009 35 Miriam Boral/Sarah Laughs Jack Myers/Playing God She suppresses a small snicker, With his arms raised to heaven yet it grows to a giggle, a guffaw, a bellowing Face in holy protest from deep within her wrinkled barren belly. My wooden rabbi glowers She clutches her sides, falls to the ground, rolling On the nakedness of my seductive woman with laughter loud enough to shake the earth under Abraham’s sandaled feet. Thirty years playing God On clay wood and stone creations He shushes her, beseeches her From my couch: a pouting clay redhead to cease, but the roaring swells until Exposing a coy bare shoulder an angry voice bellows from the skies: A walnut nun with downcast eyes “Why does Sarah laugh?” God demands, and An ironwood head half blind Sarah doubles over with renewed peals With mouth agape stares at me as her helpless husband throws hands to heavens and shakes his white-haired head. I cringe to think of my Orthodox zeyde’s censure Were he to see me wherever he may be 36 JEWISH CURRENTS Jack Myers/Playing God Bernard Greenwald/David and Bathsheba #11-12 I. Century/Rules of the Pool, J.H.S. 40 The swimming teacher told the class You would have a red mark on your record not to piss in the pool. for the rest of your life. If you did, a chemical in the water would activate a red dye I didn’t believe him then, that would bubble up around you. I don’t believe him now, You would be taken to the police station but I never, never and charged with violating the Health Code. piss in the pool. AUTUMN 2009 37 Harry Wilks/Crane Street, Long Island City, 2005 38 JEWISH CURRENTS AUTUMN 2009 39 Marc Jampole/Uncle Freddy’s Home Movies In those days they lived on Amboy Street, fathers laid carpet, mothers worked part-time doing hair. Whenever Uncle Freddy aimed his eight-milli Polaroid they shamed him with their jokes. Now they watch in tears as the dead reanimate Ruth Berman/Eden Ornamentals and an ancient Brooklyn comes to life: Row of Brownstones, Chinese laundry I vertical neon Deli sign. You’d think the plants would’ve had a day. The animals of sea and air had #5. A sweep across the grandstand, Ebbets Field, The animals of earth had #6. men and boys cheer and wave their matzos while at a distant second base a player wipes A mist went up in Eden red dust from his shirt and pants. Even before the rivers Rushed from the well Head cut off in black and white, To water the garden Bubby waddles towards us holding infant Ira to her hip. Even before there was Anyone to till the ground Aunt Ruth, hair in pin curls, looks up from ironing, sees the camera, II throws her hands across her face and runs away. There grew in Eden every fruit and herb The seeds of every plant Aunt Fran blows smoke rings at the screen then spits a filterless butt at the stoop. That’s good for food. Uncle Irving’s head emerges from a racing form But it was, after all, a garden and mouths a silent curse. Out in the east, Where the sun was rising — Cub Scout Harvey casts a hookless line towards a dolphin-patterned Melmac plate. There must have been ornamentals, too, As well as edibles Mom and Dad, thin and living, Rising up as fast as mushrooms dance among a crowd of family, my father counting steps. In the first rain. Dad, cigarette sagging from lips, points to our first TV. And now we see a jiggly approach III to the enormous box with the tiny screen The tree of knowledge was and the wobby lines of Milton Berle in drag. Not only good for food But a delight to the eye. Mom walks down an airplane ladder, points to her swollen body IV thumping with my brother’s life. Still each year the winter passes Flowers appear on the earth And now the artist shoots himself: Roses of sharon Uncle Freddy floating in a mountain lake, Lilies of the valley knees bent round an inner tube, Wildflowers and cultivars bath cap hanging off an ear, teeth hanging from his mouth, Paradise blooming in the grasses and the trees hand waving. Nathan Brenowitz Torah-True BASEBALL Ruth Berman/Eden Ornamentals with authentic baseball cards collaged by Mikhail Horowitz he very first words of Torah are about baseball: “In the big inning, God created Tthe heaven and earth.” As you explore Holy Scripture, it keeps getting better: Genesis 6:9: “Noah walked . .” Genesis 6:16: “. bottom, second and third decks.” Genesis 24:45: “Behold, Rebecca came forth with her pitcher . .” Leviticus 4:18: “. out at the base . .” Numbers 15:25: “. for it was an error . .” Joshua 6:1: “none . out, and none came in . .” Joshua 6:5: “. a long blast . that all the people shall shout with a great shout . .” Joshua 8:17: “There was not a man left . .” Judges 3:8: “ . the Lord was hot against Israel . .” Judges 20: 18: “They said, ‘Which of us shall go up first . .?’ The Lord said, ‘Judah first!’” Samuel 10: 7: “And let it be, when these signs come to you, that you do as the occasion demands . .” n the summer of 2007 I had the good fortune New York City had three Major League Baseball to spend a month in Israel watching my son teams. I watched those games with my dad. Base- I Lukas play in the first Israel Professional ball, fathers and sons: it’s in my blood. Baseball League. One might think that having The Israeli season lasted several months with a son working on a master’s degree in Middle games played almost every day (except Saturday, Eastern history would be a reason for a father to of course). The games all started with the singing be proud. Yes, I am proud of my son’s academic of Hatikvah, and the seventh-inning stretch was achievements, but they take a back seat to having replaced by the minkha service held beneath the the first-ever professional baseball player in the date trees. The weather was uncommonly hot and family. Now that’s a dream come true! every game was rigorous and extremely exciting. I grew up in Brooklyn, during the era when Lukas was a catcher and outfielder for the Bet AUTUMN 2009 41 Shemish Blue Sox. He still carries a scar on his Australia, Dominican Republic, the United States arm from a diving catch he made in left field to and Puerto Rico. It came down to a championship choke off an opponent’s rally . game filled with drama and tension so thick you Three of the teams were lucky to have retired could slice it with a fleishige knife. In the end, the American Jewish major leaguers as their manag- Bet Shemish Blue Sox, managed by the person- er: Ken Holtzman, Art Shamsky and Ron Blom- able and comical Ron Blomberg, won the cham- berg. The season was a roller coaster, with play- pionship. It was magic! ers flown in from various lands including Japan, arney Dreyfus, owner of the Pittsburgh cian Konstantin Medvedovsky, the hitters in the Pirates from 1900 to 1932, was the Jew- lineup of a Jewish all-star team would, over the B ish man who devised the World Series in course of a full season, actually score more runs 1903. And the theme song of the game we love, than such powerhouse teams as the 1998 Yankees “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” was written by (114-48 won-lost record), the 1986 Mets (108- a Jewish songwriter Albert Von Tilser (born Albert 54), and the 1954 Indians (111-43). What’s more, Gumm, 1878-1956) and his Tin Pan Alley partner, the Hebrew hurlers would also allow fewer runs Jack Norworth. than the mound men on these legendary clubs. Among Jewish players, the first to come to mind My Jewish all-star team would have Mike are always the Dodgers’ unhittable Sandy Koufax, Lieberthal behind the plate. Lieberthal played for a three-time Cy Young Award winner, and Hank the Philadelphia Phillies and in 1996 batted .300 Greenberg, home run king of the Detroit Tigers. with 31 home runs. That’s not chopped liver for The list of noteworthy Jewish players however, a guy forced to crouch behind the plate on every is much lengthier. According to baseball statisti- pitch. Harry Danning of the 1933-’42 New York 42 JEWISH CURRENTS Giants would share the catching. My Jewish shortstop would be Lou Boudreau, Hank Greenberg, perhaps the greatest Jewish who in 1948 batted .355 while also managing his player ever, would be at first base. His fifty-eight Cleveland Indians to a World Series title. The homers in 1938, which almost broke Babe Ruth’s outfield would consist of Sid Gordon, a thirteen- record of 60, brought hate letters to him daily. year major league outfielder and infielder with This was a foreshadowing of the abuse that Jackie the Giants, the Boston Braves and the Pirates; Robinson would experience a decade latter. Elliot Maddox, an African-American player who At second base I would start Ian Kinsler, who converted to Judaism in 1974; and Shawn Green currently plays for the Texas Rangers. In 2008 he of (most notably) the Toronto Blue Jays and Los hit .319 with a .527 slugging percentage.

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