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These essays originally appeared in 2012-13 as part of a Third Culture Kids guest post series, Painting Pictures, at Djibouti Jones. To read more essays like the ones in this book, more of Rachel Pieh Jones’s published works, and to connect with other Third Culture Kids, ATCKs, and expatriates, join the reading community at www.djiboutijones.com Copyright 2018 for Magdalene, Henry, Lucy you are my home Table of Contents Discovering Third Culture Kids Who Are Third Culture Kids Ruth Van Reken An Open Letter to My TCK Identity Mary Bassey Tribute to a Pioneer Ruth Hersey Embracing the Uniqueness of Third Culture Kids Richelle Wright What I Learned from My TCK Husband MaDonna Maurer Reflections from a Father and His TCK Daughter Trey Morrison Parenting Third Culture Kids A TCK Talks about Raising TCKs Marilyn Gardner 15 Things I Want to Tell My TCKs Rachel Pieh Jones The Adopted Third Culture Kid Galia Rautenberg When a TCK Chooses a Life Abroad Laura Campbell When a TCK Does Not Choose a Life Abroad Clara Wiggins Struggling Third Culture Kids A Whole Self Dr. Susannah-Joy Schuilenberg Saudade Ute Limacher Trauma and the Third Culture Kid Sezin Koehler An Orchid or a Dandelion Joy L. Salmon Transitioning Third Culture Kids Six Stages of Re-Entry Grief Cecily Paterson Re-Entry Questions Rachel Pieh Jones Transitioning Globally to University Janneka Jellema The Third Culture Kid’s Struggle to Fit In Paige Porter-Livesay When Third Culture Kids Reunite Jenni Legate Thriving as Third Culture Kids Glimpses of a Third Way Idelette McVicker Living with the Empty Spaces Heather Caliri The Strength of the Melting Pot Pari Ali Embrace Race Angie Washington Passport to the World Bonnie Rose A Transitional, Formational Life Kelley Nikondeha Author Bios Who are Third Culture Kids? by Ruth Van Reken In the late 1950s, Ruth Hill Useem, originator of the third culture kid term, simply called them “children who accompany parents into another culture.” While she did not specifically say so, all those she originally studied were in another culture due to a parent’s career choice, not as immigrants or refugees. Dave Pollock later defined TCKs as those who have “spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture(s).” He then went on to describe them by adding “Although elements from each culture are assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.” This descriptive phrase seems to be part of where some confusion rests. It is absolutely true that any given TCK or by now adult TCK (ATCK) often personally incorporates various aspects of his or her life experiences into a personal world view, food preferences, or cultural expectations. That’s why many TCKs and ATCKs relate to the metaphor of “being green” that Whitni Thomas describes in her lovely poem “Colors.” There she writes how she feels both yellow and blue in her different worlds but wishes there was a place to “just be green.” Ironically, many TCKs do feel “green” when with others of like experience, as Pollock describes. This is where they don’t have to explain this desire to be both/and rather than being forced to choose an either/or identity. Other TCKs easily understand because many feel the same way, no matter which country their passport says is “home” or which countries they have lived in. But putting various pieces of different cultures together is not the third culture itself, although it is a very common (and wrong) way many describe it. What is the “third culture”? If the third culture isn’t a mixing and matching of various cultural pieces, what is it? Another common misconception is that somehow it means something related to the “third world.” Or that it measures the number of countries or cultures someone has lived in. Many have said to me, “Well, I must be a third, fourth, or even fifth culture kid because I’ve lived in…” and they list the extraordinary number of places they have lived or the cultural complexities within their family structure. Perhaps having a simple definition of the original concept of the third culture itself would be helpful. A starting point is remembering that culture is something shared, not an individualistic experience. So how does that relate? Easily! In the late 1950s, two social scientists from Michigan State University, Drs. John and Ruth Hill Useem, originally defined the third culture as a way of life shared by those who were internationally mobile because of their career such as international business, military, foreign service, or missionary work. The Useems noted those we now call “expatriates” had left the country their passport declared as “home” (the first culture) and moved to host country (the second culture). They noted that this community formed a way of life that was common to them but was unlike either the way they would have lived in their home cultures or how the locals were living in this host land. They called this an ‘interstitial” or third culture. Those who lived in this community may not have shared nationalities or ultimately, the same host cultures but there is much they share. Then, as now, all who live this globally mobile lifestyle for reasons related to career choices live in a world of truly cross-cultural interactions. Entire worlds and cultural mores and expectations can change overnight with one airplane ride. High mobility – personal and within the community – is the name of the game. There is some level of expected repatriation as compared to a true immigrant who plans to stay. Often there is a strong sense of identity with the sponsoring organization. In time, Dr. Ruth Hill Useem because particularly fascinated with studying the children who grew up in this particular cultural milieu and named them third culture kids or TCKs. So why do these distinctions make a difference to anyone but a high-powered academician? Because it helps us normalize the results of a globally mobile experience for all. In particular, if we understand the difference between the TCK and the third culture itself, we can see more clearly how and why the typical characteristics of the TCK profile emerge. They do not form in a vacuum. For example, if TCKs are chronically negotiating various cultural worlds in their formative years, no wonder they often become cultural bridges in later life and careers. Interacting with others from various cultures and world views hopefully develops an understanding that there are reasons and values behind how others live and hopefully helps TCKs and ATCKs clarify the reasons they hold the values and practices they do. On the other hand, if the normal process of identity development occurs in conjunction with how our community sees and defines us as well as our inner perceptions, we can understand why frequent changes of our cultural mirrors can complicate the process of defining “who am I, anyway?” If relationships and the normal attachments that come with them are chronically disrupted by high mobility, no wonder there are often issues of loss and grief to attend to. We can also understand the isolation some TCKs ultimately feel as it seems pointless to start one more relationship if it will only end in another separation. Better yet, once we have understood the “why” of our common characteristics, we can figure out the “what” we need to do to help deal effectively with the challenges so the many gifts of this experience are being maximized. And then we have to see how we will do those things. That’s the stage we are at now. I call it TCK Phase 2. All over the place, new books are coming out telling us how to do better school transition programs, how therapists can work more effectively with this population, how parents and educators can work well with adolescents TCKs. Personally, however, the reason I feel so passionately about keeping our terms clear is so that as we understand the “why” of the TCK story, we can begin to apply some of these insights and lessons learned to others in our globalizing world who are also living and growing up cross-culturally and with high mobility for countless reasons now other than simply a parent’s career choice. Make it yours Write a definition of Third Culture Kids in your own words Does it bother you when people misunderstand or misuse the term Third Culture Kid? Why do you think this is upsetting? Or not? How can you respond with wisdom? Do you think understanding the Third Culture Kid identity is important? Why or why not? Do you identify as a Third Culture Kid? Or do you reject the label? Why or why not? Some TCKs have told me they feel the term is over-emphasized, that they want to be recognized as much more than being a TCK, or as someone apart from that defining characteristic. What do you think about this idea? Write an essay, or a paragraph, or a whole book(!) about your Third Culture Kid experience. Write the good and beautiful and the hard and dark parts. If you aren’t a TCK, how does this term help you understand the TCKs in your life? An Open Letter to my Third Culture Kid Identity by Mary Bassey Dear Third Culture Kid Identity, It’s almost like you have been stalking me for the past 20 years of my life. And I just realized that you existed 7 months ago. Way to go on concealing your identity for two decades! That’s actually very impressive…and makes me feel a bit confused.

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