4 SPORTS 6 ARTS Just For Kicks: NYU Taekwondo Team Clive Davis Junior Returns With Music Discusses Their Season’s Premature Ending During Quarantine

5 CULTURE 7 OPINION The Uncertain Future of The Graduate School of Arts and Summer Internships Science Must Do More For Its Students

VOLUME LIV | ISSUE 13 MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020

Faculty Demand Support For Graduate Students

Faculty members in the Department of Social and Cultural Analysis and the Department of English have sent letters to the administration asking for extensions of graduate student funding.

By EMILY MASON News Editor

The Department of Social and Cultural Analysis and the Depart- ment of English both sent letters to university administration calling for extended funding for graduate students facing rescinded job offers, grant delays and income gaps. The letters were addressed to Graduate School of Arts and Sci- ence Dean Phillip Brian Harper and Provost Katherine Fleming. They were sent on Tuesday, April 24 and Wednesday, April 25 respectively. The Department of Social and Cul- tural Analysis department’s letter called for the university to waive tu- ition and fees for master’s students who will need to take more time to complete their degree work. They also demanded an exten- sion of MacCracken Fellowships — which support Doctoral candi- dates in the first five years of their dissertation work — and summer funding for all students. SCA ar- gued in its letter that the depart- ANNA LETSON ment was especially well positioned NYU’s Department of Social and Cultural Analysis + English have demands for NYU’s Graduate School for Arts and Science. They call for increased graduate funding in face of the to make these demands. hardships affecting graduate students during this pandemic. CONTINUED ON PAGE 2

When Sharing Becomes Healing

By ANNA-DMITRY MURATOVA with a burden heavier than stones on your vors we interviewed. It intended to show, to focus on the process of coming to terms Dedicated to April being Deputy Managing Editor shoulders. Thank you, for just being. as one of the interviewees, Angelica, said, with the need to heal and on healing itself. Sexual Assault Awareness No story matches another exactly — the “We’re the evidence walking around on If you keep on reading because you’re Content warning: this article focuses on circumstances, the hurt, the psychological this campus.” I believe it did. But, with looking for what I was seeking or any other Month, this personal the subject of sexual violence. Please, and physical impact vary from survivor to this, I discovered something else. reason, thank you for letting me share my proceed with caution. survivor. Yet, somehow, there’s one con- When I started processing my trauma story with you. I hope my vulnerability essay details one person’s stant we all share. last year, I didn’t know who or where to will support you the way the vulnerability path from unlocking Foreword It was not our fault. It was not your fault. turn to. While listening to other survivors of others supported me. I’m sorry April being Sexual Assault Earlier this year, a lot of brave people and sharing my own pain with friends in While I write about sharing my experi- memories of their sexual Awareness Month isn’t just words to you. trusted me with their stories of surviv- distressing times, I noticed the healing hap- ence with people and recovering through I’m sorry this has happened to you. I’m sor- ing sexual violence after Professor Avital pening within me. Through their stories of connection, don’t think this means that trauma to pursuing ry you know this crookedly intimate kind Ronell, who was found guilty of harassing struggle and recovery, I was assured I could you should too, especially if you don’t and finding healing of pain. I’m sorry your body and mind her graduate advisee, returned to campus. take back control. Through confiding in think it’s the right or the safe thing for you. were used as a weapon against you. I’m sor- The project, titled “This Should Have loved ones, I learned to feel safe again. I’m certain you’ll find what works for you, through compassion and ry if you don’t feel safe. I don’t know you Never Happened To You,” was published That’s why I wrote this. I won’t be shar- and I’m in awe at your strength no matter (or maybe I do), and I admire you regard- in January and was solely possible through ing any details of my assault to avoid poten- what you choose to do! understanding. less. You’re making it through, day by day, the vulnerability offered to us by the survi- tially triggering material. Instead, I chose CONTINUED ON PAGE 8 2 Washington Square News MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020

[email protected] NEWS Edited by LISA COCHRAN and EMILY MASON Faculty Demand Support For Graduate Students

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 to hear a response regarding fund- students must still pay. The department confirmation that the adjunct posi- the mental and financial strains of the “We enroll and train (and place) a dis- ing extensions from administration in has made some healthcare changes, in- tion was cancelled. pandemic, in addition to cut off access proportionate number of first generation the coming days. cluding covering COVID-19 testing. She isn’t alone; many graduate stu- to libraries and other academic resources, working and lower class students of color “GSAS has been working to address Students remain unclear on how leav- dents across departments have suddenly causing the need for extensions on time- (many of whom are also LGBTQ),” the this issue since the University went to ing New York — or returning to homes found themselves without income for the to-degree requirements. However, some letter from the Department of Social and remote instruction last month, and I will abroad — may affect their coverage. First- coming months, regardless of year. Silcox students are concerned that this exten- Cultural Analysis read. “We are proud be informing our doctoral students of the year English department doctoral student said his plan to fill a summer funding gap sion will lead to more students applying that our department has had such a signif- plan we have devised within the next two Nicholas Silcox elaborated on this concern. in the MacCracken fellowship was to find for jobs once they all complete their de- icant and tangible impact on broadening days,” Harper told WSN in a statement. “People who aren’t in the city it’s not a job, which no longer appears feasible. grees, making the employment hunt even the scope of knowledge in ways that res- While English department faculty clear how the insurance would transfer, “We were going to go three months more difficult. onate far beyond NYU. We cannot afford praised GSAS for these support measures, there might be additional copays and without funding anyway, which is why To combat this possibility, GSAS has to lose this generation of scholars.” the letter went on to explain why more such, so there’s that additional expense,” there’s the expectation to find work but eliminated waitlists for doctoral pro- The Department of English letter steps needed to be taken. Posmentier said Silcox said. “So that was highlighted be- the seventeen of us are looking at three grams, Harper said. made similar demands to SCA, calling for she believed GSAS would do everything cause we’re asking the school to eliminate months without funding in the most ex- “The reason for our doing so was to re- three-month emergency summer fund- possible to extend time and funding for those costs on top of additional expect- pensive city in the country,” Silcox said. alize some degree of savings in our fellow- ing, extending time-to-degree deadlines graduate students, but that not every de- ed costs and loss of income with all the Rogers explained that because grants ship budget that we might subsequently and funding for students, and waiving mand would be met. stuff going on.” and fellowships — graduate students’ put to use in providing funding exten- healthcare fees for masters students. Oth- “The Provost has been very frank in In addition to healthcare uncertainty, main sources of income — are not taxed, sions for current PhD students,” Harper er universities including Yale, Northwest- her reply that the broader, more systemic graduate students also face a hostile job students are also not eligible for unem- told WSN in a statement. ern and Penn State University have also requests — requests that would indicate market as nation-wide hiring freezes and ployment benefits. Dagman explained why this measure called for extensions to graduate funding, a commitment from the top — are too expected declining enrollments for fall “In my mind, NYU is a tax-exempt was not included in the English Depart- according to the letter. One of the signa- expensive,” she said. “We all know that undergraduate students and furloughs institution and we cannot get unem- ment students’ letter to faculty. tories of the letter, Sonya Posmentier, an NYU, like all businesses, will be changed threaten to diminish already scarce posts. ployment,” Rogers said. “Americans are “The idea I think right now is to con- associate professor, commented on the by these circumstances. I think students Summer employment or academic kept afloat right now because of unem- serve available funding to help out cur- necessity of these measures. and faculty alike are asking for more of a funding during the pandemic is also dif- ployment. They’re surviving despite the rent students because the situation is ex- “It goes without saying that training voice in HOW NYU changes, and what ficult to find and many graduate students fact that they’re not working, so in my tremely difficult for those who are already the current generation of scholars and priorities we can hold onto or even imag- face rescinded job offers and pushed opinion NYU has to do the same to have enrolled, and to take on more students teachers is at the core of a research uni- ine as we face this crisis.” awardments of research grants, according a stopgap measure so that we can survive would to some measure compromise the versity’s mission,” Posmentier told WSN Second-year doctoral student with to the letter. right now despite the fact we don’t have department’s ability to help them out,” in an email. “In an immediate practical the English department and a Graduate These disturbances make summer these research grant opportunities to do Dagman said. “Students’ opinions were sense, the university depends on gradu- English Organization PhD representa- funding crucial for doctoral students who the research we set out to do.” very divided on this issue, so we avoided ate research and teaching. So, it’s hard tive Alliya Dagman was one of several have run up the clock on their MacCrack- The needs of students are what spurred it altogether in our letter to the faculty.” for me to imagine how we keep doing students who compiled surveys and infor- en Fellowship and are left with no source the faculty in the Department of English Dagman shared that the faculty’s sup- what we’re doing (teaching and research) mation which helped inform the faculty’s of income for the coming months. and Social and Cultural Analysis to write port in the letter was encouraging and without a financial commitment to grad- letter to administration. One of these students is fifth-year SCA the letters to administration. Dagman that graduate students are sticking togeth- uate programs.” “We have the sense that people are just doctoral student Emily Rogers, whose said that student testimonials collected by er through the pandemic. The demands of the departments generally really freaked out,” Dagman MacCracken funding ends in about two the Graduate English Organization made “This is our community; we work echoed those raised by the Graduate Stu- said. “Some of them have very immediate weeks. Rogers was planning on continu- her realize the depth of the problem. together and take pride in it. The facul- dent Organizing Committee in an open problems: Where am I going to live this ing her dissertation work at the start of “For me it was quite overwhelming ty’s support is deeply reassuring, it keeps letter addressed to Provost Fleming which summer? How am I going to pay for rent May, before the grant she had lined up was because we were collecting all this data; that sense of togetherness intact,” Dag- outlined both the academic and personal and food? Most are extremely worried suspended until next year. In addition to just going through students’ testimonials man said. “I think we should be helping challenges raised by the pandemic. The about employment prospects in both this, her teaching position at another uni- made me miserable for a couple of days,” each other out in whatever ways we can; letter currently has over 700 graduate stu- the short and the long term, especial- versity looked like it might not happen. Dagman said. “I had a tough time coming students feel that the university can and dent signatures. ly in academia.” “I had an adjunct gig lined up that’s back from that because of the staggering should be doing everything that is possi- GSAS has already committed to up- A common demand in both letters was looking like it’s not going to get renewed, range and scale of problems; many are ble in this situation.” holding current Teachers’ Assistant and eliminating healthcare fees for masters’ I’m still waiting on that now but there’s a struggling with mental health, caretaking Residents’ Assistant contracts. Harper students. Doctoral students are provided lot up in the air right now,” Rogers said. responsibilities, financial insecurity.” Email Emily Mason said that graduate students can expect with free health insurance, while masters The next day, Rogers received Research progress is also impeded by at [email protected].

NYU Community Members Demand NYC Education Reform Amid COVID-19

By DYLAN WAHBE directly centered the experiences and reer skills during their summer vaca- way for people to get involved with “There are so many resources already in Staff Writer the knowledge of students, educators, tions. Due to the pandemic, Mayor Bill activist causes. place and what they need is support.” organizers who are committed and ded- de Blasio has cut funding for SYEP for “People are often wanting to start More than 60 students, activists and icated to this work,” Zheng told WSN. the summer of 2020. new [organizations] as opposed to help- Email Dylan Wahbe educators came together on Zoom this “We wanted to create a space where ev- “Sadly, in light of the COVID-19 ing existing ones,” Schneider told WSN. at [email protected]. Saturday to invest in a common goal: ed- eryone could share how they have been pandemic and resulting revenue losses ucational reform in NYC public schools. responding at this current moment to the city, we must take significant ac- The town hall was in response to a in this crisis.” tion to preserve our ability to provide group project in the Steinhardt School A common concern raised during basic operations and continue to fund of Culture, Education and Human the town hall was that the COVID-19 life-saving measures,” mayoral spokes- Development course, “American Di- pandemic was only exacerbating exist- person Freddi Goldstein told Politico lemmas: Race, Inequality and the ing problems in New York City public in a statement. Unfulfilled Promise of Public Educa- schools. One of the issues discussed was Two of the panelists — Lorraie tion.” The course’s professor — Pamela segregated school districts in the city. Forbes and Kimberly Martinez — are D’Andre Martínez — divided students Despite the fact that the Brown v. involved with the group Teens Take into groups to learn about issues in Board decision — which deemed racial Charge which is attempting to reverse public education. segregation unconstitutional in 1954 — the mayor’s decision on SYEP. On the One of those groups was an activism was ruled on almost 70 years ago, New Teens Take Charge website, the orga- group comprised of CAS seniors Del- York has the most segregated public nization made a public statement re- phine Zheng, Gabriela Alves and Taylor school system in America. As a result, sponding to the budget cuts. Holst, Tisch junior Tirosh Schneider, districts consisting of mostly ethnic “Given the tremendous financial Steinhardt first-year Tori Husain and minority students, referred to “major- strain on hundreds of thousands of Steinhardt junior Janice Wang. During ity-minority” schools, often have less low-income New York City families the event, they stressed communication funding and fewer resources. right now, we should be expanding paid between activists and educators amid Another topic discussed was the summer opportunities, not cutting VIA FACEBOOK GSOC-UAW LOCAL 2110 the pandemic would be most conducive Summer Youth Employment Program them,” the statement read. NYU Can Afford It: A Virtual Teach-In was hosted by NYU’s Grad Student Organizing to creating educational reform. which aims to employ youths not only Viewers of the town hall expressed Committee. During this online event, NYU students discussed education inequality during the COVID-19 crisis and ways the university can help. “We wanted to bring an event that to make money but to learn future ca- that they wanted to create an easy MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020 Washington Square News | News 3

Student Government Condemns Department of Education’s Anti-DACA Policy

By LISA COCHRAN ties across the country in the form of that come from the CARES ACT,” the 2019, DACA status has been granted to yet to be decided, but many DACA re- News Editor COVID-19 emergency aid. Following letter stated. approximately 909,700 people. Accord- cipients maintain that ending it during new requirements instituted by the DACA is a federally protected U.S. ing to the American Council on Edu- the pandemic would be disastrous. The Student Government Assembly Department of Education on Tues- immigration policy authorized by the cation, 350,000 of these recipients are Many of these recipients work or study released a letter on Friday denounc- day, DACA recipients will be exempt Obama administration. It provides pursuing degrees of some sort. in the medical field and they cited the ing United States Secretary of Educa- from these funds. certain rights to undocumented immi- Last October, in response to an toll this decision would take on the U.S. tion Betsy DeVos’ decision to exclude “The Executive Committee is dis- grants brought to the U.S. as children impending Supreme Court case that healthcare system. DACA — Deferred Action for Child- heartened and deeply disturbed to and prevents them from being deported. could eradicate the policy, NYU — In its letter, the SGA promised to hood Arrivals — recipients from receiv- learn that the U.S. Secretary of Edu- There are currently 700,000 peo- and more than a dozen other univer- coordinate with NYU administration ing emergency aid during the pandemic. cation, Betsy DeVos, chose to prohib- ple who are either active recipients or sities — signed an amicus curiae brief to find means of supporting students Under the CARES Act, nearly $6 it DACA recipients from receiving awaiting to receive DACA status in the supporting DACA. affected by the policy. billion has been delegated to universi- emergency grants from their colleges U.S. Between its conception in 2012 to “Like their classmates, the DACA “The Executive Committee is in talks students on [college] campuses make with the administrators overseeing the enormous contributions to our educa- NYU COVID-19 Emergency Relief tional institutions and our country,” Grant for ways to work around this set- the brief stated. “The colleges and back,” the letter stated. “We will share universities that are signatories to this updates once we have them.” brief have an interest in each of their The NYU COVID-19 Emergency undocumented students’ welfare and Relief fund states that it has given out ability to obtain a full and complete approximately $4 million in funds to higher education.” 8,500 students. The letter reiterated DACA has faced substantial push- that students financially afflicted by back from the Trump administration. the pandemic should be able to re- Additionally, much of Trump’s rheto- ceive aid from the university in these ric surrounding undocumented immi- circumstances. grants has been regarded as violent and “Every college student in need should fear-mongering. be able to look towards their institution “Many of the people in DACA, no for aid, especially during a global pan- longer very young, are far from ‘an- demic where millions are experiencing gels,’” Trump said in a tweet from Nov. deaths in their family, loss of wages, 12, 2019. “Some are very tough, hard- and more unexpected challenges,” ened criminals.” the letter reads. The Supreme Court case, which ALEXANDRA CHAN | WSN heard arguments on Nov. 12, 2019 — Email Lisa Cochran NYU’s Student Government Assembly wrote a letter last Friday condemning the new Department of Education CARES policy. Secre- the same day as Trump’s tweet — has at [email protected]. tary of Education Betsy Devos has decided to bar DACA recipients from receiving emergency aid during this time. 4 Washington Square News MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020

[email protected] SPORTS Edited by ARVIND SRIRAM Just For Kicks: These Sports Stories NYU Taekwondo Team Should Have Their Own Discusses Their Season’s Documentaries

By BELA KIRPALANI Premature Ending Editor-at-Large

If you haven’t been paying attention, “The Last Dance” is a 10-part documentary on Mi- chael Jordan and the 1997-98 Chicago Bulls’ last championship run and has been premiering in two-episode blocks each week. Because it’s about Jordan — and partly because almost every sports fan has been forced to stay home and watch nothing but old games — the series has been re- ceived immensely well, even breaking the record for the most-watched ESPN documentary ever. As it continues to air over the next few weeks, and as people speculate about more men’s sports documentaries in the works, what if we were to SOPHIA DI IORIO | WSN instead brainstorm some women’s stories that could be highlighted? deserve to have their story preserved in a film for ESPN has proven itself as the premier creator later generations to look back on. of sports documentaries in the last 10 years, with its “30 for 30” series. In 2013, ESPN introduced The 2017 Minnesota Lynx Nine For IX, a series of seven documentaries The Minnesota Lynx have enjoyed one of “produced and aired by ESPN to celebrate the the most successful stretches in WNBA history, 40th anniversary of Title IX, the amendment winning four titles in seven seasons from 2011

IMAGE COURTESY OF NYU TAEKWONDO CLUB SPORT passed to ensure gender equality in American to 2017. And they did so led by none other than Pictured is NYU’s Taekwondo team after practice at Palladium Gym. Athletes reflected on a premature college sport.” While I’m not sure why wom- legendary coach Cheryl Reeve and all-time great end to their season and discussed their future plans for the sport. en’s sports documentaries need to be separated Maya Moore, 2014 WNBA MVP and six-time into their own section, it was a promising effort All-Star. The case for a documentary could be By KEVIN RYU took up the sport when she was young but soon on the part of the network. However, out of 92 made for any of the Lynx’s four title-winning sea- Staff Writer quit to focus on soccer. When Roh saw the films, only four “30 for 30” documentaries fea- sons, but 2017 stands out for a couple of reasons. team’s booth at club fest, she signed up more ture female athletes. One, Minnesota was on a mission that year, When she first heard that their upcoming out of intrigue than anything. There are countless amazing stories in wom- having just lost in the Finals to the Los Angeles tournament at New Jersey State would be “I think honestly at first I was just curious,” en’s sports that could be turned into successful Sparks in 2016. In 2017, they finished first in postponed due to the coronavirus outbreak, Roh said. “But then I was like, since I’m not do- documentaries. Here are four of my top picks: the league, swept the Washington Mystics in the Steinhardt senior Christine Zheng thought she ing soccer anymore, I might as well give it a try, first round and found themselves up against the would use the extra time to train. It wasn’t until and I ended up really liking it.” The USWNT’s Journey to a Fourth Sparks again in the Finals. That ended up being the subsequent cancellation of all future tourna- Some join wanting to pick up a competitive Star a nailbiter of a series in which they overcame a ments, including Nationals, that she began to sport while others might join more for the expe- The United States Women’s National Team 2-1 deficit to win their fourth championship, think she might have competed in her last Tae- rience. Each member is given the latitude to ex- was no underdog in 2019, or any of the 20 years tying the Houston Comets for the most titles in kwondo tournament. plore their interest in the sport how they see fit. before then. It was no real surprise that they league history. “It didn’t hit me until like a while later,” “The way the team works is that you get to hoisted the Women’s World Cup Trophy that It was also the last of the Lynx’s champi- Zheng said. “I realized that I’m a senior, and choose how much commitment you want to summer in France, becoming the most successful onships. In 2017, Moore announced that she that’s it. My season ended. I was really look- put in for it,” Zheng said. “So it can either take team in international women’s soccer. But the would be stepping away from basketball to focus ing forward to the tournament. I was look- up a lot of your time or it can just be a hobby.” way in which the four-time champions played on making a difference in criminal justice reform. ing forward to Nationals. So it was pretty This exploratory environment stems from that tournament was insanely dominant — a 13-0 Lindsay Whalen and Rebekkah Brunson have disappointing.” Ahn’s priorities as president. Ahn comes into win against Thailand, a record 26 goals scored in retired and this offseason, longtime Lynx player The coronavirus was already in the minds each season with high expectations for success, the entire tournament and a couple iconic goal Seimone Augustus — who holds the record for of the NYU Taekwondo team before NYU an- but his principle responsibility is to create a celebrations. There’s also the added storyline of most minutes played for the Lynx — left the nounced the cancellation of all spring sports on comfortable environment for all members like winning the World Cup amid an equal pay law- team to go to the Sparks. Minnesota is entering March 13. A couple days after a tournament his former teammates did for him. suit against the U.S. Soccer Federation. a new era, and there seems no better time to tell at Princeton University on March 8, the team “I’m always glad to see new faces each year Not to mention that the USWNT has some the story of the team’s powerful 2017 title run. learned, many through the team’s Facebook and to welcome them to the team as I was wel- of the most entertaining personalities in sports: message group, that they might have come in comed when I first joined,” Ahn said. Megan Rapinoe is maybe the coolest athlete of North Carolina Courage’s contact with someone with the coronavirus The familial atmosphere that the senior mem- all time, Ashlyn Harris is hilarious on and off the Back-to-Back Championships at the tournament. Fortunately, they learned bers create often drives the team’s newcomers to field and the trio of Sam Mewis, Rose Lavelle and Led by Debinha Miri, Crystal Dunn, Jessica a few days later that the person was not a car- become more involved with the team. After join- Emily Sonnett are everyone’s favorite silly crew. McDonald and more, the North Carolina Cour- rier, but for those couple of days, the news left ing the team, Roh attended every practice and Quite simply, we might never again see a team as age performed the unthinkable, capturing the the team with a lot to think about without tournament and quickly found herself wanting good and as storied as this USWNT squad. NWSL title two years in a row. The franchise much they could do. to become a bigger part of the team. Now, she moved to North Carolina in 2017 after win- “A lot of us were really nervous,” Liber- is the team’s vice president, in charge of coordi- The Magic of the “Final Five” ning in 2016 as the Western New York Flash, al Studies first-year Casey Ufferman said. nating team bonding events and helping Ahn In the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de and has proven itself to be one of the top teams “Just the amount of people that were there, it run the practices. Janeiro, the U.S. women’s gymnastics team of in the league. was concerning.” Her favorite part about this season was the Simone Biles, Gabby Douglas, Laurie Hernan- In 2018, the Courage stunned the reigning When the announcement came, the team was memories made during the bus rides to and dez, Madison Kocian and Aly Raisman stole champion Portland Thorns 3-0, after narrowly also the number one ranked team in Division II, from tournaments. Players might begin the bus the show. This quintuple of gymnasts won nine losing to them in the previous year’s final. That pushing to accrue enough points for promotion rides doing their own things such as listening to medals in total, the most since the Soviet Union season, North Carolina set regular season records into Division I. For Tandon junior and team music or doing homework, but eventually, lively won 10 in 1972. Not only did they demonstrate for most wins (17), points (57), most goals scored president Jonathan Ahn, the team’s perfor- conversations will always form across the bus. an unmatched drive and focus, but in doing so (53) and fewest goals allowed (17). In 2019, they mance this season makes the cancellation even Sometimes her teammates bring their Ninten- they got people talking about gymnastics. This routed an electric Chicago Red Stars team that more devastating. do Switches, and they play Mario Kart or Super amazing young group of two black women, boasted league MVP Sam Kerr 4-0. A team with “When I first heard [the news] I was disap- Smash Bros. Although her sophomore season a Latina and two white women turned heads several USWNT stars like Dunn, Sam Mewis pointed because I feel like we were having a good ended early, Roh cherishes the impact that NYU and more than earned their moments in the and Abby Dahlkemper, the Courage proved streak,” Ahn said. “I was looking forward to Taekwondo has had on her life. Olympic spotlight. themselves as the team to beat with two domi- everyone’s performance, not only in the college “[Taekwondo] is a great way to just get some Biles and Raisman also became prominent nant years in a row and their story could easily tournament but the state tournament.” physical activity, but it’s mostly the people, get- voices, speaking up about former team doctor translate to a documentary. Members come into the team with varying ting to bond with your teammates and going Larry Nassar’s sexual abuse. A further look at degrees of experience with the sport. Zheng was to competitions together,” Roh said. “I’ve met USA Gymnastics’ failure to protect and support The Sports Girl is a weekly column that features already a black belt when she joined the team. some of my closest friends through Taekwondo.” its female gymnasts against sexual abuser Lar- a girl’s take on sports. Yes, a girl. Yes, on sports. Tisch sophomore Ainsley Roh, whose parents ry Nassar would also make for a very powerful have both previously done Taekwondo, also Email Kevin Ryu at [email protected]. documentary, but I think that the “Final Five” Email Bela Kirpalani at [email protected]. MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020 Washington Square News 5

[email protected] CULTURE Edited by BELLA GIL The Uncertain Future of Summer Internships

By ADDISON ALOIAN grams completely, some summer intern- Deputy Culture Editor ships have announced that they will be continuing through a remote format. In the midst of COVID-19 and the “I’m interning as a summer teaching uncertainties it has thrust upon the fellow at Uncommon Schools, a charter world, one of the biggest questions school system in Brooklyn,” CAS ju- for students are the fate of their sum- nior Caroline Stanley said. mer internships. The program went remote as of Large media companies such as March 30, and Stanley expressed that Buzzfeed, Sony and NPR, as well as it should be interesting, given the na- local dentists’ offices, schools and law ture of the work. firms, have cancelled their summer in- “The first part of the program was ternship programs. going to be shadowing a teacher in their Tandon sophomore Jenny Kam had classroom, and the second part would her current job working for a neurolo- be teaching our own classroom of gist and summer internship with a den- summer school kids,” she said. “They tist on the Upper East Side completely haven’t really explained how things cancelled in anticipation that the stay- will change much at all and I’m pretty at-home orders issued nationwide will concerned about the fact that we will extend into the summer months. be missing out on so many aspects of “Unfortunately, due to the fact a lot teaching technique by being online.” of pre-health internships are hand-on Steinhardt junior Dan Vostinar is [sic] and more about research, for now, also able to continue her work for Sony everything is cancelled,” she said to Music and Electric Lady Studios re- WSN in an email. “If the summer is still motely, but hopes to return to working JAKE CAPRIOTTI | WSN under strict stay-at-home restrictions, in-person soon, as the music industry The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon is a highly sought after internship by NYU students. The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic is reshaping the way students are looking for summer internships. my plan is to just stay home and really thrives in a collaborative environment. focus on studying for my DAT exam I “Working remotely with the tools we plan to take my junior spring semester.” have, like communicating over Zoom, son again and attend live shows, we’re though we don’t know how long this about job prospects,” said Stanley. Similarly, CAS sophomore Aimee is very effective and keeps our spir- going to come back even stronger and situation will last, I do have to get more Although this pause isn’t ide- Hou had a job in the city at the Gib- its up,” she said. enjoy it the most!” internship opportunities as well as find- al, some students remain hopeful ney, Anthony and Flaherty law firm, However, a majority of artists thrive For students looking to apply ing people to shadow since many dental about the future. but it’s also been temporarily cancelled mentally and financially on live per- to medical school, stress is high be- schools require at least 100 hours.” “I definitely do miss doing my job due to the virus. formances, which have stopped for cause of the fact that graduate admis- While most students are scrambling because I get to work with amazing peo- “I do research for the law firm,” she the time being, affecting labels and sions often look for applicants with after their internship plans went awry, ple,” Hou said. “I am not too worried said. “This would be in-person work studios immensely. more work hours. the most stressed students seem to be about it affecting my future but I do so I am not able to do any remote “One of the most difficult things to “This situation definitely sucks and juniors entering their final year. hope that I can go back to doing what I work. I was told we would go back to grasp is that no one has any answers, it does hold up a lot of students in the “I graduate in December, which is love soon enough!” work once the pandemic is over or if so yes, thinking about the future is a pre-health track when it comes to get- already a difficult time to get hired as things get better.” little scary,” Vostinar said. “But I know ting in shadowing hours, research hours a teacher, so the added burden of the Email Addison Aloian Rather than cancelling their pro- that as soon as we can resume in per- and internship hours,” Kam said. “Al- terrible economy makes me concerned at [email protected].

Online Classes Find Difficulties in Engagement

By IVY ZHU gaining any motor skills from it.” Contributing Writer These difficulties aren’t solely localized within labs. Art students with studio courses have also Online education at home might be effec- found disappointment and difficulties in transi- tive when it comes to catching up on sleep and tioning to online classes. spending time with family. When it comes to “Studio classes have been a lot of breakout learning though, for many students, the benefits room time and lots of doing the work individu- are far less obvious. ally then discussing or presenting that in class,” Many students feel that they’re not learning as Tisch first-year Cristian Jurado said. “I am cur- much as they would in person, leading to a lack rently directing a project for class over Zoom of motivation and increased procrastination. which has been very difficult when the playing Fortunately, most professors have been accom- space is the tiny square of Zoom and my cast is modating during this time by adjusting office not in the same room together.” hours, deadlines and even class schedules. When students must transition from a “Most of my professors/instructors have per- three-dimensional, hundred-foot stage to a sonally said that they will try their best to respond digital background framed around a com- to emails when they can, and one professor even puter screen, work can become awkward gave his number to everyone,” CAS sophomore and challenging. Sebastian Sukdeo told WSN in an email. “In Tisch first-year Ryan Russo has been strug- terms of homework and tests, everything is now gling with his Performance Strategies class, mostly flexible, where I can hand in homework where students learn basic acting techniques and after the deadline and it could be alright.” how to direct other actors. However, some professors aren’t as lenient. “We were supposed to work with actors in “One week my WiFi in my house stopped person and direct a scene in a studio, but now working and I had to email my assignment in we are just doing pre-planning and having a the day after it was due … but [the TA] then told 15-minute discussion with our teacher envision- me to contact my service provider to get a record ing it instead,” he said. “So it’s definitely a little of the internet not working to prove it to him,” disappointing to not have been able to direct the Gallatin first-year Garrett Higgins said. scenes in person.” Beyond the levels of accommodation that With the status of fall semester uncertain, it is individual professors operate on, students have unclear how long these learning conditions, and seen structural changes in their classes. In the lab the disappointments that come along with them, section of science courses, where students once will persist. In the face of these unprecedented performed experiments and carried out proce- situations, everyone has had to adjust to the dras- dures, they now analyze research papers. tic changes of school, but no one knows for sure JAKE CAPRIOTTI | WSN “Labs are basically just lectures now,” Suk- what the future holds for fall semester classes. A student prepares for another week of online classes. As Zoom has become the new platform for online classes, deo said. “I’m learning the theory behind why I students continue to struggle with the lack of a classroom environment. would be doing certain procedures, but I’m not Email Ivy Zhu at [email protected]. 6 Washington Square News MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020

[email protected] ARTS Edited by KAYLEE DEFREITAS and ETHAN ZACK Other Music, Other Times

By NICOLAS PEDRERO-SETZER shop over the years tesselate into a mo- footage of acts like Neutral Milk Hotel shop and sifting through sleeve after them with a small dose of monetary as- Music Editor saic rendering of Other Music’s history. and Vampire Weekend that took place sleeve until you find the original press- sistance to get them through these uncer- It’s all on display: struggles, victories, at the store, makes it impossible to not ing, the aesthetics of early 2000s indie tain times and granting you the ability to After 20 years of musical wizardry, trivial tidbits, emotional oomph and fall in love with the ghost of the locale. rock or listening to Animal Collective, engage with their personality, even if it’s famed record shop Other Music shut its musical vibrancy. Hatch-Miller and By the time Hatch-Miller and Basu have you can proceed to rent the film at Fac- only on a digital platform. doors in 2016. With their latest docu- Basu hold nothing back, putting forth acquainted you with every employee and tory25’s website until Thursday, April mentary, Rob Hatch-Miller and Puloma a documentary that operates like an au- square inch of the store, and unveiled 30. Every rental fee will go directly to a Email Nicolas Pedrero-Setzer Basu memorialize its magic, speaking to thentic eulogy for a locale that yearned to just about the strangest concert footage record shop of your choice, supplying at [email protected]. the wonder of creating communities and be immortalized. of Gary Wilson you’ll ever see — and manifesting physical meaning by way of Serving as the stomping ground for that’s saying a lot — a smile is bound to a mere geographical space. The closing members of Animal Collective, acting as consume your face. Only then is when of Other Music represented the death of the purveyor of Benicio Del Toro’s pre- their genius apexes. a community, a distancing from reality ferred records, representing Le Tigre’s In the blink of an eye, the tune chang- and a retreat to a lonely world where con- JD Samson’s personal heaven and Jason es from disco to debt and the relation- sumers are more trusting of their Spotify Schwartzman’s musical mecca, Other ships between the clerks and the audi- algorithms than random record shop rec- Music transcended its status as just an- ence that Hatch-Miller and Basu have ommendations. With Record Store Day other record shop, representing a differ- spent the entire film building up begin being delayed from April 18th to June ent approach to music — a whole new to crumble. Faces start vanishing and the 20th due to the outbreak of COVID-19, way of looking at and engaging with it. sight of their disappearance evokes the newly rendered documentary “Oth- “That was like how [Jeff Gibson, emotional distress of losing a friend and er Music” offers music aficionados a co-owner of Other Music] would al- a community. The sorrow of destabili- glimpse into simpler times. A time where ways describe what he was into, to like zation and debt swallow the film whole, rummaging through record sleeves for his parents, friends, like you know, I lis- steamrolling it forward towards its finale. that elusive record that would change ten to Other Music, it’s something else The noble rise and tragic fall of Other your life remained a reality and talking you know,” Josh Madell, co-owner of Music are built into the duo’s documen- to the random melophiles around you Other Music, proclaims about how the tary. They dictate its acceleration from brought an unprecedented amount of name came about. smiles to tears, providing the narrative excitement into your life. That’s what it was: “something else.” framework for a work of remembrance Tracking the full history of Other Other Music was a labyrinth for those concerned with the loss of landmarks Music at the corner of East 4th Street who sought to get lost and swept away but wholly aware of the sacrifices New and Lafayette through a series of inter- by a barrage of tunes they couldn’t find York City demands for fluxional ad- views, archival footage and animated se- elsewhere. Hatch-Miller and Basu make vancement. Nothing is sacred in New quences that mirror the store’s devotion an effort to highlight the aforemen- York real estate, but at least Hatch-Mill- towards the democratic displaying of tioned. Their choice to stitch together er and Basu’s cinematic cadence hopes music, Hatch-Miller and Basu compose footage of record-junkies shuffling in- to transcend the trappings of time by a loving ode to a community-landmark and-out of the store against passionate putting forth a definitive and painterly that came and went like a firecracker’s disquisitions on what made the place picture of what Other Music was, what LUKAS SHEEHAN flare. Interviews ranging from employees so unique, soundtracking the history of it represented and how it stills resonates Other Music, a record shop that used to stand on the corner of East 4th Street and who worked the storefront to a myriad Other Music with the music it helped in the music we continue to listen today. Lafayette, closed its doors in 2016. Tisch alumnus Rob Hatch-Miller and co-director of musicians who fell in love with the make famous and integrating old concert If you miss going to your local record Puloma Basu pay tribute in a newly released documentary.

Clive Davis Junior Returns With Music During Quarantine

By ANNA-DMITRY MURATOVA as though they could not write music, experi- love they experienced. “How am I ever gonna Deputy Managing Editor encing a lack of purpose. For them, it was the know / Maybe I never need to know / What’s age of suffering and a beginning to the healing going on beneath the soil / Better to blossom A lot has changed for Clive Davis Institute process. It was the age where they fell deeply in on his own,” they sing. of Recorded Music junior Cam Franklin since love and lived through sweeping heartbreak, Franklin’s friends and fellow Clive Davis their debut solo show at the Bitter End in late which they explained in an Instagram post an- juniors Grace Ludmilla and Harry Teardrop September of last year. Over the course of nouncing the release of new music. helped with the production of “The Botanist” the year, they went through full rebranding, Franklin wrote “Moon Song” the week they and “Moon Song,” each utilizing their unique changing their stage name. In November of stopped talking to their first love and greeted skill sets to ensure the best possible quality 2019, they released a song called “24 Hours,” their first new moon without them. The rhyth- for both tracks. with a music video directed by Jacob de Guz- mical tune resembling alternative folk in style “The production process was different man and Jesse Bronstein, on Instagram’s and singing weaves together into a textured and for both songs, but they were both valuable IGTV platform. In January of this year, they filling sound. The electronic voice and subtle learning experiences,” Franklin said. “I had the went to study at NYU Berlin, but along with strings emerging in parts of the song as a back- privilege of making them both with friends many others had their semester abroad cut ground to Franklin’s singing add an ominous ... Letting other people, whom I dearly trust, short by the emergence and rapid spread of feeling to the sound. By the end of the track, touch my work was healing. [Grace Ludmilla] the novel coronavirus. After the NYU Berlin it’s hard to hear the words behind the increas- engineered with me so it felt less vulnerable to campus closed, Franklin returned to New York ingly loud music, the sound turning intention- have her support every step of the way. ‘Moon and, on April 23, they released two songs they ally messy and bordering on psychedelic rock. Song,’ however, was more improvisational. My had been working on for over a year. Franklin’s rhythmic singing, improvisation collaborator on that song, Harry Teardrop, is “I’ve wanted to release these two songs to- and experimentation with layers in “Moon more technically skilled and confident in his gether for almost a year,” Franklin said. “Lo- Song” show their roots as an a capella perform- skills as a producer than I am, so working with gistically, I kept putting them aside to focus er, which they followed into college as a part of him taught me to believe in my vision.” on other things, and I’ve also experienced a The NYU N’Harmonics, Tisch School of the In a couple of weeks, everyone will be able to lot of anxiety around my presentation as an Arts premier co-ed a cappella group. stream Franklin’s songs on Apple Music and artist and my stage name. Right now, that kind If “Moon Song” feels like dancing around Spotify. However, there’s no need to wait — of brand performance matters less to me. I’ve the fire in the woods, “The Botanist” makes both tracks are readily available on BandCamp held onto these songs long enough that I just you float in a dream-like state of calm with a for purchase and streaming. Released on the had to let them go so I could progress to the strange mix of peace and despair, both prob- new moon of April 23, the date pays a sub- next phase of my work, even if I don’t know ably originating from the story behind the tle tribute to the story behind “Moon Song” what that is yet.” track. Franklin wrote “The Botanist” about of letting go of first love. If bought on Band- The two songs, “The Botanist” and “Moon someone with whom they had a brief yet “very Camp, the music can be downloaded with a Song,” are a result of a painful yet formative pe- intense and passionate” love affair. The simple zine Franklin made to accompany their songs riod of Franklin’s life, a time that Franklin at- chord progression allows the listener to focus and expand the listener’s immersion into the tempts to explore in these projects. Both were on Franklin’s lyrics, telling the tale of the bot- intricate tales behind both of them. IMAGE COURTESY OF CAMERON FRANKLIN, BY @BIGBOY.247 ON INSTAGRAM Tisch Clive Davis junior Cam Franklin released their music on April 23. produced for a songwriting class Franklin took anist and them growing apart slowly and irre- Their music reflects on a difficult time in their life and the process of heal- as a first-year while struggling with mental ill- versibly. A song about young love, it allows us Email Anna-Dmitry Muratova ing from heartbreak. ness, trauma and substance abuse while feeling a peek into the lessons Franklin took from the at [email protected]. MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020 Washington Square News 7

[email protected] OPINION Edited by JUN SUNG

UNIVERSITY LIFE The Case for Universal Pass

and allow us the university education to orient ourselves in this rapidly STAFF EDITORIAL changing world, and to leave grades out of the picture. The opt-in pass/fail measure used by some schools, and implemented in the interest of allowing students The Graduate School of Arts to choose whether or not their grades are weighted, does not go far enough By ANDREW LUSK to protect those in need. Where there and Science Must Do More Contributing Writer is a choice to remain on the standard grading scale, there remains a stigma Despite the fact that we are living against those whose situations do not through an unprecedented crisis, allow them that luxury. Universal For Its Students NYU seems to think that students Pass, which I believe should include can — and should — continue to ad- a note on each student’s transcript Last week, the COVID-19 Coalition and NYU’s tinue to stall for the near future, as it has since the out- here to normal expectations. Around detailing the purpose of the measure, Graduate Student Organizing Committee hosted a Vir- break of the pandemic. Adapting to these new problems the world, the communities to which removes this stigma and removes the tual Week of Action, which sought to raise awareness of by implementing time-to-degree and funding extensions students have returned after being pressure to compete with others in the demands brought up by the coalition. One of these is necessary to make sure graduate students have the fi- evicted from dorms are being upend- the same situation. Any class a stu- actions was an open letter from GSOC to Provost Kath- nances they need to endure the crisis without worrying ed by sickness and death, economic dent is currently enrolled in would erine Fleming that voiced concerns about the challenges about whether their deadlines will be met. strife and rapidly declining standards also be given full credit and factored faced by graduate students after the closure of campus Accommodations for graduate students have been of living. Many students have re- into their GPA as such. while also arguing for the universal extension of both requested by those outside the graduate organizing com- turned to pre-existing disadvantages Currently, there aren’t any major time-to-degree deadlines and funding packages. Each munity as well. On April 21 and 22, respectively, the De- such as inadequate internet access, universities that have implemented of these policies are necessary, considering the fact that partment of Social and Cultural Analysis and the Depart- unsafe home environments and re- Universal Pass. However, it would be conducting research is practically impossible. Graduate ment of English sent letters to the GSAS Dean and the source instability, making the transi- significant for NYU to become the School of Arts and Science Dean Phillip Brian Harper Provost, signed by the Chairs of both departments, on be- tion to online classes near impossible. first. It would mean paving a path says that GSAS will lay out a plan for these issues soon. half of the faculty. They called for the emergency infusion Nevertheless, students are expected for others across the country when so This plan must include the extensions demanded by of summer funding as well as tuition and fee waivers and to submit assignments in an orderly many students groups have advocat- GSOC, as they are necessary accommodations to ensure the extension of funding packages for graduate students. and timely fashion, circumstances ed for the policy. that graduate students are financially and academically Considering that forms of these policies have been beyond the classroom be damned. Though mandatory pass/fail is stable during this unprecedented crisis. implemented elsewhere, these ideas shouldn’t be seen as A number of student organiza- another alternative to the opt-in sys- At the time of publication, the Graduate School of far-fetched or impossible for a university to meet. At Yale tions, including the COVID-19 tem, it is needlessly harmful to fail Arts and Science hasn’t provided any updates on whether University, their GSAS allowed graduate programs to de- Coalition and the First Generation/ any student during the COVID-19 GSOC’s demands will be met. Time-to-degree deadline termine whether to extend funding to graduate students Low Income Partnership (FLIP) stu- crisis. The university cannot possi- extensions are only considered on a case-to-case basis and for up to one year. This was in response to the demand dent union, have already voiced their bly appraise the disparities in stu- funding is only provided until the end of award terms — from the Concerned and Organized Graduate Students concerns about continuing to grade dent circumstances and decide on a the time span when the funding can be used — with no at Yale for a one-year funding extension. This falls short of students amid a global pandemic. case-by-case basis which failings are guarantee of a one-year extension. what is needed at NYU as it isn’t a universal policy. Still, A change.org petition for Universal legitimate, and which are circum- Simply put, the current policies of GSAS don’t do Yale is a good example of how the administration can take Pass circulating the NYU communi- stantial. A failing grade in any other enough for graduate students. steps to accommodate graduate students. ty has reached 1,850 signatures and time is a tragedy within itself, but a The normal routine and abilities of students at GSAS Despite this, it is important to note that NYU has al- counting. As written by the FLIP stu- tragedy which occurs within a closed have been severely hindered by a number of factors. One ready provided some accommodations. The university dent union, “NYU must recognize circuit, where basic needs are met of the most significant is the fact that the coronavirus has has said that it will continue to provide paid sick leave to [that] a large group of their student and stability is — at the very least — upended research plans, as some have said they have had student employees without time deductions in the spring body simply does not have the same providable. Too many variables are at to cancel important research trips and have lost access to semester. Employees can also have time off for caring ability to focus on their academics as play right now, and this uncertainty necessary resources in libraries and archives. for sick family members under the normal leave guide- … other students do.” will make it impossible to determine Graduate students who have spoken out say the pan- lines. These are important policies that help graduate The NYU administration must which failings are valid and which are demic has forced them to focus on more immediate issues workers and other employees during this time of crisis. weigh these extraordinary circum- not. The only means of resolving this at hand as well. One student said that his research had to But neither these accommodations — nor the half-solu- stances against the expectation of is to remove the possibility of fail- be put on hold, since he had to remotely organize quar- tions mentioned before — directly address the needs of normalcy. It is absurd to demand ure altogether. antine rations for his family in India. Another said that graduate students. anything now of students and staff Universal Pass is not the answer he must take care of his elderly parents in addition to Dean Harper says that GSAS will have a plan. It beyond their survival. This is espe- to all of our problems, and it is not continuing his work. How can the university expect these is imperative that this includes the extension of both cially important considering remote the final means of assisting students students to continue to devote the ordinary amount of time-to-degree deadlines and funding packages. Failing instruction has proven to be sub- in need. But for those who cannot time to their research while they are facing extraordinary to do so shows the university expects normal produc- par for many. Tisch students, for maintain their grades in the face of a and unprecedented conditions? tivity from graduate students in a situation that is any- example, have said that Zoom isn’t global pandemic, and for those who It is clear that with these roadblocks, research will con- thing but normal. conducive to music courses, and worry about the future implications that performance work is difficult of opt-in pass/fail, Universal Pass is to do online. Now is not the time a means of loosening the constraints for grammar drills and quizzes, but of normalcy in a situation that is any- rather for taking stock of the human thing but. I hope the administration condition and providing any aid sees this as a chance to free students Email the Editorial Board at [email protected]. we can to our friends, families and and their instructors from further, neighbors. Worst-case scenarios are unnecessary pressure, and that it will CHAIR Jun Sung colliding with material reality, and it trust in their ability to go forth and CO-CHAIR Emily Dai, Gabby Lozano, Asha Ramachandran, Helen Wajda would be a mistake to sit quietly in simply do the best they can. CHAIR EX OFFICIO Cole Stallone, Abby Hofstetter, our lifeboats and watch the ship go Ronni Husmann, Paul Kim, Anna-Dmitry Muratova down. If the university has taught us Email Andrew Lusk well, then this is the time to step back at [email protected].

SEND MAIL TO: 75 THIRD AVE. #SB07, NEW YORK, N.Y. 10003 OR EMAIL: [email protected] Submitting WSN welcomes letters to the editor, opinion pieces and articles relevant to the NYU community, or in response to articles. Letters should be less than 450 words. All submissions must be typed or emailed and must include the author’s name, address and phone number. Members of the NYU community must to include a year and school or job title. WSN does not print unsigned letters or editorials. WSN reserves the right to reject any submission and edit accepted submissions in any and all ways. With the exception of the staff editorial, opinions expressed on the editorial pages are not necessarily those of WSN, and our publication of opinions is not an endorsement of them. 8 Washington Square News MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2020

[email protected] UNDER THE ARCH Edited by GURU RAMANATHAN When Sharing Becomes Healing

Dedicated to April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month, this personal essay details one person’s path from unlocking memories of their sexual trauma to pursuing and finding healing through compassion and understanding.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 My Journey It wasn’t until I heard Dr. Bla- sey Ford describe now-Justice Brett Kavanaugh attacking her, pressing his hand against her mouth, that I began to remember: there once was a boy’s hand against my mouth. For me, it was in high school — we were 15 years old. With previously blocked memories flooding my mind, I found myself helpless and numb, squirm- ing out of friendly hugs and trudg- ing through sleepless nights, filled with nightmares. I was living with sexual trauma and only starting to realize the wickedly intimate impact it’s had on my entire life. Embarrassment and feeling as though it wasn’t too big of a deal pre- vailed for months. I didn’t tell a soul. I didn’t know how or what to tell, ei- ther. That is, until I went to Moscow, where I grew up and where the assault happened, in December of 2018. Before the New Year’s Eve family CHARLIE DODGE | WSN celebration, I stood in the bathroom, drying myself after a shower. When I faced myself in the mirror, an invisi- to feel understood. But I wasn’t okay. my shoulder felt like it could pierce While our relationship evolved into a guilt of not exposing him earlier, or at ble wall inside of me shattered, and Summer came and went. I didn’t my skin right to the bone. When I friendship, the feeling of protection I all, and possibly subjecting others to I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t date, wrote carefully and vaguely got home I couldn’t restrain the sobs felt around her persisted, and I knew the treatment I received. look at my body without thinking of about my experience for my creative reaping from inside my chest and roll- she was the person I needed to open I talked for what felt like days un- him. As I scrambled to get dressed as writing professor, read books on ing onto the glossy tile. This strang- up to if I were to regain the sense of til I ran out of thoughts and felt tears quickly as I could, I knew — it was sexual trauma while distancing my- er’s grip on my forearm woke up safety taken from me. But I didn’t covering my eyes. I stared down at time to start doing something. self from their characters. I was fine something inside of me, and I didn’t have it in me to press send. my shoes and clenched my fists in In early January of 2019, I returned until I wasn’t. have the power to put it back to sleep. When we got dinner soon after, silence. The sunlight was stream- to New York, to a friend who spent all In early September of 2019 I went From then on the night turned into a I gathered the courage to ask if I ing through the leaves and falling of his holidays confined to his emp- to a party. While not a fan of crowds blur and fragmented memories in the could show her the message I almost on my denim-clad knees in sharp ty dorm room. For weeks it was him I knew a lot of my friends were going morning would remain of the story. sent while chasing a piece of mock stripes of warmth. and I, in the deserted halls of Third to be there and I wanted to spend My crying was louder than I duck around my plate. She read it “Would you like a hug?” my friend North Residence Hall and Ben’s Piz- time with them before the semester thought and my roommate came and immediately said, “Of course, asked and met my eyes with the warm za at three in the morning. He didn’t really hit. For most of the night, the knocking on the bathroom door. just not here.” sadness in hers. I nodded and shifted ask me why I was back early. He knew three of us sat in a corner, chatted and The next day she told me she heard We decided to meet up on closer to lean my head on her shoul- I was going to tell him eventually, laughed, until a guy none of us met me hitting the wall and repeating the the following weekend for me der. “Thank you for talking to me.” and he was right. before crashed our giggly circle. word, “No.” I remember opening to spill my guts. The tied knots inside me came un- One of those evenings we spent Absolutely hammered, and maybe the door. She tried to take me to the The weekend came and I found done and I knew I was going to be in my dorm, watching movies nei- more, he put his hand on my head and bedroom and managed to make it as myself sitting on a bench in a park by okay for real this time. I was never ther of us really enjoyed on my bed, blurted out, “You look interesting.” far as our kitchen before I slid down her house. No matter how much wa- going to be the 15-year-old oblivious I turned to him and said, “Can I tell “Thanks,” I responded and shook the wall, my legs feeling like cotton. ter I drank, I felt absolutely parched. to the abuse — instead, I intended on you about something that’s happened his hand off of my shaved skull. “No, I found myself on the floor with my She sat next to me and every time I making sure nothing could hold me to me, like, years ago?” He agreed and like, really. What’re you?” He insist- back pressed against our front door lifted my eyes from the ground I saw back from healing. I expected many I started talking. I talked and I talk- ed, grabbing my arm and pulling it in and wrapped in my weighted blanket. her looking at me attentively. Words set-backs and was right. Starting spe- ed. Words were pouring out of me, whatever direction his body swung Both of my roommates were sitting were pouring out of me just like on cialized therapy was especially pain- and I thought I lost the ability to to. I froze, my skin growing tingly and by my side as I kept saying “stop” and the cold January night I spoke to my ful, and I have to still force myself shut up altogether. It was as though hot underneath his hold. “no” — the words I never got to say. friend. Whatever was inside of me, to attend every session instead of ly- I opened the door into a room filled “Hey, leave them alone!” one of my Somehow I made it to bed and woke tired from hiding, was running the ing to my therapist about having too floor-to-ceiling with water and had friends called out, getting up from up 14 hours later. My roommate told show. I said things I barely knew or much work. I still struggle — a lot — no strength to force it closed again. his chair. The guy loosened his grip me about what unfolded the night hadn’t realized before. with the sole difference of knowing “F-ck,” he said once I finished. and lifted his hands up in retaliation. before and gently asked me to keep I was mad and never got a chance the progress I made was worth it all “Can I hold your hand?” I nodded “You okay?” my friend asked and I looking for help. to be angry. I felt cheated out of the along. If I could choose to protect my and realized how nobody has asked nodded, watching the stranger stum- “Talk to someone you feel safest innocence I was entitled to as a teen. 15-year-old self from what happened me if they could hold my hand before. ble back into the buzzing crowd. around,” she pleaded and I immedi- He took a year of my life from me. I I would. But, for better or for worse, I For a while I thought this was done For the rest of the night, hearing my ately pulled out my phone. “Hi,” I thought my story was too long and can’t. I can only move forward with it with. I shared, he listened. I was sup- name made me flinch. I left soon after began drafting a text. complicated to share — it was easier and I choose to. posed to be okay according to all the to avoid hugging too many people Right after coming to college I met to simply not. I wanted to confront movies and shows I watched, in what on the way out. The couple of hugs I someone a little older than me and she my abuser and just ask him if he knew Email Anna-Dmitry Muratova I later learned was the burning need got felt suffocating and each hand on became my mentor for my first year. what he did. I was burdened with at [email protected]. Washington Square News Staff

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