Period Sisters
by
Ali Viterbi
Contact: Leah Hamos & Exie Robertson The Gersh Agency 41 Madison Ave, 33rd Floor New York, NY 10010 [email protected] [email protected] CHARACTERS
JONI, 18, female-identifying, White American, freshman in college, Kate's "Little"
KATE, 20, female-identifying, East Asian American, sophomore in Theta Beta, Joni's "Big"
VAL, 19, female-identifying, East Asian American, sophomore in Gamma Gamma; Val is the "narrator" and speaks the names of the scene titles during the play, as well as the investigator.
GREEK CHORUS, ensemble of SEVEN female-identifying actors. Ages 18-22, They play various roles including: Leigh (South Asian American, junior, Ellie's Big) Hannah (East Asian American, junior, Vicki's Little, Kate's Big) Bee (White or White-Passing, sophomore) Zoe (White or White-Passing, sophomore) Rachel (Biracial, sophomore) Vicki (White American, senior, Hannah's Big) Ellie (Black American, sophomore, Leigh's Little) Sisters 1-7 Bachelor Contestant Formal party guests Documents 1-7 TIME & PLACE
The present. A full academic year (September - September) ACT ONE: First Semester ACT TWO: Second Semester, first half ACT THREE: Second Semester, second half
A University in Southern California.
ACT ONE 1. Parados, or the prologue 2. Thespis, or bitch steps out of the chorus 3. Opsis, or OMG I love the bachelor 4. Catharsis, or the literal purging of pity and fear and whatever else I ate 5. Ode, or I know ‘CROSSING THE RUBICON’ is a Roman term but deal 6. Dianoia, or pre-ing the game 7. Orchestra, or baby’s first formal ACT TWO 1. In Media Res, or the super-important and not-at-all pointless pancake bake-off 2. Mythos, or the standards hearing (dun dun dun) 3. Stasima, or what happens when you’re standing still 4. Ethos, or I won’t grow up! (I won’t grow up) 5. Sparagamos, or literally “tearing to pieces” ACT THREE 1. Antode, or prettyplease join myfitnesspal 2. Anagnorisis, or real talk in downward dog 3. Peripitea, or “fuck it all comes back to Aristotle” 4. Parabasis, or crap this mask is itchy 5. Pathos, or can you suffer when you’re snugasabuginarug? A NOTE ON LANGUAGE AND MOVEMENT
The world of the play should feel different from our world. It is heightened: a world of symbols and poetry, of collective memory. It is not just a play, but a play with music and dance. Embrace that.
Period Sisters is a play about witnessing, so all actors should, whenever possible, be present onstage throughout the show, even if not specifically written into a scene. It is also a play about the manipulation of and control over women's bodies, so feel free to be creative in how those bodies are used onstage.
Though it's tempting to ridicule or satirize sorority girls, this play is deeply sincere. So in performance, kindly disregard any pop cultural representations of "Greek Life" and embrace the compassion and authenticity of the characters. It is particularly easy to demonize Vicki, but "For Each Other" means everything to her. Hannah can act outrageously, but it's her outrageous passion for Theta Beta that saved her life. Resist the temptation to read these women as stereotypes. They are all human, and each of them reveals their humanity over the course of the play.
Note: A Slash (/) indicates overlapping dialogue. Where the slash appears, the next line begins [Words in brackets] are unspoken, perhaps gestured at (Words in parentheses) are quiet, said under the breath, maybe a tonal shift "...I am thinking about testimony I’ve heard from other women over the years—women sharing their truths, daring to use their voices to say 'This is what happened to me. This is how I have been wronged.' I’ve been thinking about how so much testimony is demanded of women, and still, there are those who doubt our stories. There are those who think we are all lucky girls because we are still, they narrowly assume, alive. I am weary of all our sad stories—not hearing them, but that we have these stories to tell, that there are so many." -Roxane Gay, "Hunger"
Special thanks to my many talented and generous female-identifying collaborators for infusing this play and these characters with your personal narratives, thoughts, critiques, and experiences. Period Sisters could not exist without the generosity of Maya Carter, Marianna Gailus, Brittany Anikka Liu, Stefani Kuo, Adriane Moreno, Stephanie Tomiko, Jay Reed, Jasmine Sharma, Miranda Rizzolo, Skylar Gottlieb, Guadalupe Campos, Sarah Chapin, Tamieka Chavis, Anjum Choudhury, Cassandra Dupler, Chloe Mikala, Caitlin Weaver, and Robyn Kimmel.
So much gratitude to the brave Emma Montoya Hills, for turning this pipe-dream into a reality.
And to Gabrielle Hoyt, my eternal dramaturg, for being the loving doula to every play I birth, most especially this one.
For Sami and Dani, my real-life sisters 1.
ACT ONE
PARADOS, OR THE PROLOGUE
September. A University in Southern California. The exterior of a grand Sorority mansion bearing the Greek letters THETA BETA.
The GREEK CHORUS (and KATE) pose in front of the mansion in the traditional ‘sorority squat’ (slight squat, knees together, fingertips coquettishly at the knees). They wear Theta Beta’s colors: Aquamarine and Ivory.
Out of their sorority squat formation, the sisters erupt in a song and dance routine, with full hair flips from side to side. The hair flips should be difficult and exhausting, but only Kate shows it.
GREEK CHORUS I am a T I am a T-H I am a T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A And like the D-O-V-E, I will F-L-Y And I will L-O-V-E-T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A
JONI, a freshman and Theta Beta rushee, tentatively approaches and watches the girls.
GREEK CHORUS We may look like a cliché, But we know you want to stay. The girls all want to play And the boys, well they don’t stray. Every test and themed partay Thay Bay girls know how to slay. Better sit at home and pray, Cross your fingers for the day, You’ll wear ivory and say, “I’m a sister of Thay Bay.” So two hips and a hooray, For the sisters of Thay Bay! 2.
Two hips and a hooray, For the sisters of Thay Bay!
THESPIS, OR BITCH STEPS OUT OF THE CHORUS
One week earlier. The Chapter room of the Theta Beta House. Day One of Rush Boot Camp.
GREEK CHORUS OK./
SISTER 1 So. I don’t know if you got my email. Only six of you replied, which is, whatever. But like, this is/
GREEK CHORUS RUSH
SISTER 2 - not like some Philanthropy Event. When I say YOU MUST CONFIRM, I don’t mean tomorrow or next week, I mean THE SECOND you get my email. Ok?
GREEK CHORUS Anyway. The rules for next week’s dress code:
SISTER 3 No roots during Rush. Thay Bays just don’t have roots. It’s not the 90’s.
SISTER 4 Nails. Neutral pinks or French manicure is fine. Toes can be a little brighter. Also I cannot stress how important spanx are to make you look your best. They’re comfy and plus, you won’t have to worry about sucking in all the time.
GREEK CHORUS Oh, and I almost forgot, DUH/
SISTER 5 No flip flops. None this year. They’re trashy and, like, you know the Kappa Girls are going to wear their custom ones, so we’ll just look... you know.
GREEK CHORUS Now for the exciting news! 3.
SISTER 6 After years of begging and some, well let’s say favors, the Alpha Rho boys have agreed to be our ushers. Which is like obviously/
GREEK CHORUS SUPER EXCITING!
SISTER 7 And Alpha Rho said they’ll send like Adam and Brett and all the hot ones, so. We’re totally gonna be better than PiPhi and Tri-Delt this year, which is CRAZY. Fingers crossed, we might for the first time ever even be/
GREEK CHORUS TOP-TIER!
SISTER 1 Yay! So let’s talk about the convos for pref. It’s a little like speed dating.
The room transforms. We’re suddenly in present time: Rush Week. All the sisters crowd Joni. A synchronized “bump” dance/conversation. Joni stands in the center, overwhelmed.
SISTER 1 The basic idea is KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING. I mean, it can be really awkward. So just memorize our list of prepared questions, like:
GREEK CHORUS Do you have siblings? What do you like to do for fun? / What’s your major?
LEIGH What’s your major? Tell me everything.
SISTER 2 Girls are going to ask you the dumbest questions you’ve ever heard in your life. But don’t show them that you think they’re dumb. Be polite and smile till your cheeks hurt.
The Greek Chorus all “pause” their “conversations” to smile their biggest smiles to the audience. 4.
SISTER 3 Oh, and memorize our Philanthropy. Last year someone asked a sister what our philanthropy was and she said, “Uhhh...” Ohmygod embarrassing. So memorize the Theta Beta manual, like cover-to-cover.
HANNAH So we partner with S.T.O.P. which is an organization that works towards ending domestic violence and sexual assault.
JONI Oh... cool.
An awkward beat.
GREEK CHORUS And DON’T. BE. AWKWARD.
The synchronized, stylized “bump” dance/conversation continues. Joni finally gets away to the food table.
Kate sneaks downstairs to grab a fancy hors d’oeuvre from the food table. Leigh shoots her a dirty look.
JONI What are those?
KATE Cake Truffles. But we’re not allowed to eat them.
JONI (withdrawing her hand from the food) Oh, sorry, I/
KATE No, I mean, you are, obviously. All the rushees. Just not us. [Not me.] I probably shouldn’t have said that. Shit. I mean, sorry.
JONI Here.
JONI surreptitiously sneaks Kate a truffle. 5.
KATE Thanks. Joni, right?
JONI Yeah. Creepy.
KATE Yup. I’m Kate.
JONI Hey.
KATE My cheeks hurt.
JONI Mine too.
They stop smiling, then laugh.
JONI So um, why’d you join Thay Bay?
KATE I love Thay Bay. I mean, I’m supposed to say that. But it’s true. All this shit, the-
GREEK CHORUS (AND KATE) Ohmygodhihowareyouwhat’syourmajor
KATE -stuff, I mean, it’s just not really my thing.
JONI Or mine.
VICKI, the Theta Beta President, tries to “bump” Kate, but Kate gives her a look. Vicki backs off.
KATE But I love my friends in the house. And my parents are, um, well they wanted me to have the, you know, ‘typical’ American whatever. But uh it’s cool to feel connected to all these people and this, like, history. 6.
JONI Yeah, totally. Thanks. For, um, talking.
KATE Thanks for being, like, not a robot.
JONI (in a robotic voice) You’re very welcome.
KATE So which houses are you preffing?
JONI Oh. Um. Kappa.
GREEK CHORUS (AND KATE) Rich bitches.
JONI Oh.
KATE Like that’s their reputation. Who else?
JONI GG.
GREEK CHORUS (AND KATE) Druggies.
JONI Really?
KATE Yeah. Like, I mean, there are those girls in every house, but, like, as a whole, yeah. Lots of cocaine. ADHD meds. X. One girl OD’d at their formal last year and had to take this semester off to go to rehab.
JONI Oh God. 7.
KATE It was awful, yeah. She... Val was cool. Yeah. So is that it?
JONI Well, yeah, and you guys.
GREEK CHORUS (AND KATE) Sluts.
JONI What?
KATE We’re the sluts. I hate that word, but yeah. That’s what we’re known for.
JONI How come some girls are upstairs and some are out here?
KATE Well, I’m not supposed to tell you, but fuck it. So like, this is a ‘meet and greet’ for our top 200. Like 200 favorites. So they put our prettiest girls down here- Bump Group One- to, like, impress you.
The Greek Chorus, the sisters in “Bump Group One,” strike different model poses for the audience.
KATE I’m not in Bump Group One. Obviously. I just wanted to sneak some food.
Vicki finally “bumps” Kate, upon overhearing the end of this conversation.
VICKI Hey Joni, I’m Vicki, the President of Theta Beta, Chapter Beta Theta. Have you seen our dining room?
She takes Joni to another part of the House. Joni waves ‘bye’ to Kate.
After a moment, Leigh approaches the food table. 8.
LEIGH Do you know how many calories are in that?
KATE What?
LEIGH One hundred and eighty. Per bite. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.
Kate puts the truffle back.
OPSIS, OR OMG I LOVE THE BACHELOR
The Television Room at the Theta Beta House. The sisters are gathered for the weekly Monday night viewing of “The Bachelor.”
The episode of “The Bachelor” should be performed as a Restoration Comedy of Manners, in a heightened performative style. The BACHELOR and CONTESTANT could perhaps wear Restoration wigs or masks with the kinds of gowns they wear on TV. They should speak in a heightened British accent.
CONTESTANT The last four weeks have felt oh so hazy, I am so in love, is not that crazy?
BACHELOR I’m so happy that you are here with me.
CONTESTANT Coming in, I’d no clue who you would be. But beautiful is how you make me feel, That’s how I know that our love is for real. From fun in Vegas to the fantasy suite, You always make me feel like I’m complete. So though I know this journey must soon end I’m ready to be more than your girlfriend.
BACHELOR Candace, thank you so much for your kind speech. You’ve changed my life forever on this beach. 9.
But I’m sorry, my heart’s with another For me I know that there is no other.
CONTESTANT RACHEL Oh my God. Uuuuugghhhhh.
BACHELOR I’m so sorry, Candace.
The Contestant begins crying. Maybe behind a fan?
Hannah presses “pause” on the remote. The Contestant and Bachelor freeze.
The sisters are eating popcorn and watching the show.
KATE I had fifty dollars on her. / Shit.
ZOE Fifty dollars? / Jeez.
BEE I don’t believe in true love anymore.
ELLIE Me too.
RACHEL Time’s up.
They laugh. Hannah reaches for the remote.
KATE Wait. My Little Joni wanted to see the proposal! She’ll be here in a minute.
HANNAH Bachelor Mondays start at 8pm. Sharp. / No exceptions.
KATE Oh, come / on. 10.
BEE Ohmygod the picture she posted on insta. Adorbs!
LEIGH What pic?
KATE I decorated Joni’s room this morning with balloons and glitter and Thay Bay T-shirts.
ELLIE Awwww!
KATE And after Bachelor, she’s going to a pole-dancing class with Rachel’s Little.
RACHEL Yassss!
BEE OMG that’ll be so fun. You’re the best big ever.
LEIGH Seriously. Last year I just stuck some merch in Ellie’s room.
ELLIE Love you too, Big./
RACHEL So yesterday I was chopping jalapeños for this new margarita I was trying/
BEE Oh! The one on your Pinterest / board?
RACHEL Yup. It’s super yum. Anyway so I was chopping jalapeños and then I had to let them sit in the tequila, so I went upstairs to uh- well I was FREAKING HORNY- so...
KATE Oh my God.
RACHEL Lesson #1: Never touch your clit after chopping jalapeños. 11.
BEE Why shouldn’t / you...?
ZOE Ew, Rach. TMI.
BEE Wait...ohhhhh./
Joni runs in with her school books.
JONI Hi sisters. I’m a happy happy happy pledge of Theta Beta, Chapter Beta Theta. Ahhhh sorry I’m late. Got stuck at lab.
Joni sits down next to Kate on the couch.
HANNAH You have to run around the room three times, singing the ‘I am a T’ cheer.
KATE Oh, come on. I thought we weren’t doing hazing this year.
JONI Running around in heels on Bid Night wasn’t hazing?
HANNAH LEIGH Ohmygod LOL Girl, you don’t even know.
KATE Ashley won, by the way.
HANNAH We waited to watch the proposal.
JONI Sorry. Wait, ohmygod, I think I won.
LEIGH What??
JONI Yeah. I mean, statistically the Bachelor chooses blonde women, at least six years younger than him, with an arbitrarily defined job. And when you factor / in the 12.
RACHEL You can’t cheat with math!
JONI Um. Sorry.
KATE Why do we even like this show? It takes women back, like, / two hundred years.
HANNAH LEIGH Kate, ohmygod. Because it makes us feel good about ourselves.
ELLIE And Love, as like an / institution.
RACHEL And like there are people out there WAY more fucked up than we are.
BEE Yeah but, Sean and Catherine, I mean, it can happen. And Trista and Ryan. / And Ashley
RACHEL And a super hot dude with yummy abs? Like yasss, sign me up, girl.
KATE I think we should just take the time to acknowledge that the show is super sexist. And then like it anyway. But at least, like, verbalize that.
Leigh and Hannah whisper to each other.
KATE LEIGH Cause like last year on Paradise with the sexual assault thing. That was, like, [super fucked up] the way they / [dealt with that]. (Does everything with her have to be a fucking crusade?)
RACHEL But that was like before the metoo/
KATE HANNAH I know I know but did you watch their (She would have dropped the fuck out if little PSA groupchat on like ‘how not to she knew half the Thay Bay shit we had to rape someone’? deal with freshman year.) 13.
ELLIE What?
KATE Yeah it was like “if someone is passed out, can they or can they not / give consent?”
LEIGH Ohmygodshutup./
HANNAH Seriously, do we need a depressing freaking monologue every five seconds?
A beat.
BEE Oh no. We have to put our dates for Formal on the google doc by next week, don’t we?
RACHEL Yup.
JONI But Bid Night was like two weeks ago. I’m not even officially a Thay Bay yet.
BEE OMG you should totally go with Tyler. Last year, when I had to, um... get my stomach pumped and stuff, he came to Student Health with a card signed by all his SigChi brothers.
KATE ELLIE Oh right! Isn’t he, like, an incel?
BEE No, he’s / really sweet, honestly.
RACHEL Ohmygod what about Adam?
BEE ZOE Yes! Perfect!
Hannah gives Leigh a ‘seriously?’ look.
JONI Who’s Adam? 14.
BEE A super hot Junior in Alpha Rho.
RACHEL And he’s like not super relationship-y, but def DTF. He’s fun. I’ll text him.
LEIGH Wait! No.
RACHEL Why not? He’s perfect!
LEIGH Nothing, nothing. Just... whatever, nothing.
JONI HANNAH Can I see a picture at least? (to Leigh) (Screw her. Do you want me to say something?)
LEIGH (to Hannah) (No. / Just... whatever.)
Rachel finds a picture of Adam on her phone and shows it to Joni.
JONI He’d never go with me.
LEIGH BEE I mean, he’s kind of / picky Of course he would.
RACHEL Duh. Here I’ll text him.
Rachel sends a text on her phone. Hannah takes Leigh’s hand.
JONI Ah. Now I’m nervous.
BEE Awww adorbs, beav. 15.
JONI Beav?
RACHEL It’s your new nickname. Beav, like beaver, like eager beaver over achiever.
JONI No!
RACHEL / Yes!
ELLIE Is anyone going to that alum brunch on Sunday? LEIGH RACHEL Yes! Yup.
ZOE Wait. This Sunday?
ELLIE Yeah. It was in the newsletter I sent / around last
ZOE Shit. I start this new admissions job on Sunday. I’m going to lose so many / GIN points.
KATE Whatever. It’s just a bunch of old white ladies talking about how much better Thay Bay was, like, back in the day, before / we
HANNAH It’s tradition, Kate.
KATE Seriously? You like being around a / bunch of-
LEIGH Has anyone heard from Val?
KATE Val?
LEIGH ELLIE Yeah. No, nothing. 16.
Kate stuffs a bunch of popcorn in her mouth.
HANNAH Kate? You guys were super close.
KATE Yeah. Um. No, I haven’t.
BEE I hope she’s ok!
ZOE I wonder what she’ll do when she comes back./
RACHEL If she comes back.
Zoe checks email on her phone.
ZOE (whispering to Kate) Are dues really due by Initiation?
KATE Yeah. Everything ok?
ZOE Yeah. It’s fine. It’s just... I don’t, um/
KATE I can... I mean, I can lend you if you/
ZOE No!
KATE OK, sorry. I was just trying / to (help)
RACHEL That’s really insensitive.
KATE What? 17.
RACHEL You know she hates it when... and you’re, like, rubbing / it in her
KATE I was just trying to help. She said she needed money, I / offered to give
ZOE Can you guys just, like, STOP talking about it?
A long beat.
BEE So... can we press play?
Hannah presses “play” on the remote. The contestant sobs loudly and obnoxiously.
CATHARSIS, OR THE LITERAL PURGING OF PITY AND FEAR AND WHATEVER ELSE I ATE
Evening. Kate’s bedroom at the sorority house.
She’s eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Her roommate Zoe is absent.
After a few moments, a knock on the door.
KATE Go away Zoe. (she starts faking an orgasm) Ohhhh. Uhhhh. Oh God./ Mmmm Ohhhhhhh.
JONI (O.S.) Oh, I’m, uh- I’m so sorry.
KATE Joni? Come in. There’s no one here.
Joni enters the bedroom.
KATE Sorry, I was just- I needed like a ‘no sisters’ zone. Told Zoe I was having sex. She gets super [squeamish]. 18.
Zoe appears. Throughout the scene, sisters should pop up unexpectedly, in spot light, not present in the bedroom scene, but giving commentary to the audience and to each other. At times, the whole Greek Chorus speaks.
ZOE I’m not squeamish. I’m not, like, a prude. She’s just so LOUD. It’s like, we get it Kate, you’re getting some. I don’t mean to like (police her) or whatever, but... Does every little thing with her need to be a performance?
Joni sits on Kate’s bed.
KATE What’s up?
JONI Oh. I was just... we had a study sesh downstairs for the Thay Bay Pledge test. And I just wanted to see what you were up to, if you were free or whatever. But I should go. I’m / sorry.
KATE No, stay. I shouldn’t finish this alone anywayGross.
Leigh appears, spot-lit like Zoe.
LEIGH I tell the girls in the House they shouldn’t eat their feelings.
The Greek Chorus all looks at Leigh.
LEIGH What? Stop looking at me like I’m the food Nazi. I just want you to be happy. And I know you’ll be happier if you don’t hate the number on the scale tomorrow morning. How is that, like, fascist?
KATE You want? It’s Chunky Monkey. 19.
JONI Duh. Every night in high school at, like, nine pm, my Dad would open a pint of Dreyer’s slow- churned vanilla ice cream. He’d read the paper, and I’d be like doing AP Physics homework or whatever, and we’d just pass it back and forth.
KATE Awww. My Mom banned this stuff in our House. “Katherine, you know, I weighed 110 pounds when I married your father.”
They eat the ice cream for a bit in silence.
JONI Kate. Is something, uh, wrong?
KATE Um. Nothing. I mean, my uh... Never mind. Just stupid newspaper stuff. Ellie gave me a ton of edits on my column. She’s the copy-editor.
Ellie appears.
ELLIE I’m sorry! Today was newspaper day, so everyone got all my notes from the week. Mondays are Standards days, Tuesdays’s newspaper, Wednesday’s secretary duties, Thursday’s juvenile detention tutoring, Friday’s going out, Saturday’s homework then going out, and Sunday’s Church and more homework. The girls in the house say:
GREEK CHORUS Ellie, drop something.
ELLIE But I can’t! I mean, would they even like me if I...
They continue to eat.
JONI Kate, what?
KATE It’s nothing. 20.
JONI Sorry. I mean... I know we haven’t been friends that long and stuff. But isn’t this what Little sisters are for?
KATE Yeah. Um. Val, she’s the girl that’s in rehab. She, um, she was my kind of girlfriend.
JONI Oh.
KATE Yeah. I mean, we rushed together and, y’know, like got through freshman year together. But after the, um...
Vicki appears.
VICKI After the Val incident, the president of Gamma Gamma came to my room and cried on the floor till four in the morning. It broke my heart. I mean as president, you know, you don’t want anything to happen to your sisters. It feels like your responsibility. So when something like that happens, you’re just like, what did I do wrong?
KATE She’s at this place where there’s like no contact, you know, no cell phones or computers or anything. But I kind of expected a letter or something? I don’t know. I keep writing her.
JONI Oh Kate. I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can/
KATE No, I just... I want her to be here for Formal. Which is totally stupid, I know. And she probably won’t want to go with me anyway.
Rachel appears.
RACHEL I just asked Dan from Alpha Rho to formal. I planned it for weeks and, like, wrote it on a football and threw it to him. He plays football. Anyway, he was with all his friends and they started laughing.
The Greek Chorus starts laughing. 21.
RACHEL And, well, I wanted to fucking disappear. But don’t worry, I played it off like it was a joke. Like, ha ha. I think it worked?
The Greek Chorus shake their heads ‘no’.
KATE I just... I miss her all the time. It’s like something broke.
JONI I don’t know anything, I’ve never, um... But when everything’s broken, I think that’s when you can, like, re-sculpt your soul. Because all your insides are squishy, y’know?
KATE How are you, like, so much wiser than me?
A beat. Joni relishes in this. She presses further:
JONI Why wouldn’t she, um, want to go with you? Are you still together?
KATE I don’t even fucking know. It happened and I visited her in the hospital but she was, like, [barely there]. She was like staring at some soap opera on the TV and surrounded by all these GG girls anyway. And they didn’t know about us, so I didn’t want to like... And yeah, she left school the next day.
JONI Without saying goodbye?
KATE Yup.
Hannah appears.
HANNAH Kate and Val spent all their time together last year. So when Val OD’d, you know, I tried to be there for Kate. She was my Little. I guess they thought it would be a good idea to put the two Asian girls together, because obviously all Asians are the same and we all get along, right? I tried to be like the best Big ever, but after the Val thing, Kate like flipped a switch. She called me a... I don’t want to say it out loud, but it’s not a very nice word. And it’s like she joined this white girl sorority too, you know what I mean? 22.
She wasn’t even there when all the shit was going down, like, I was in the first class after the suit, (so she has no right to like call me the...) Our parents aren’t even from the same [country]. Well, whatever. If you can’t confide in your sisters, then what’s even the point?
KATE So, um. But I can’t even really grieve or, like, move on, y’know? Because she’s not gone, she’s just... not here.
Kate finishes off the pint of ice cream. She licks the container.
JONI I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to/
KATE It’s just- if you can’t tell your sisters, I mean, who can you tell? Thay Bay was like whatever about it, when I [came out]... I mean, they sometimes say weird shit, but it’s not, like, malicious.
Bee appears.
BEE I call us the Rainbow Sorority!
GREEK CHORUS Typical Bee.
Some members of the Greek Chorus mime the ‘crazy’ or ‘dumb’ gesture.
BEE No, not because, like, we have lesbians or anything like that. Just because, like, we’re all so different! Like, compared to all the other houses. I guess like four years ago, a rushee like sued for discrimination or something? So Thay Bay has really tried to like [diversify]. Which is great! Diversity is great!
JONI Does, uh, anyone in Thay Bay know? 23.
KATE No. She, uh, didn’t want me to tell if her sisters didn’t know. Anyway, enough crying. I’m so sick of crying over a letter that won’t even come. Want another pint? I have/
JONI Another? OhmygodNo, I’m in an ice cream coma. I seriously have an ice cream baby growing in my tummy.
KATE Yeah. Uh, me too. Sorry I’ve been blabbing.
JONI No. I’m really glad I could...well, not glad obviously. Sorry. I’m not trying to like be a savior or gawk at your [pain] / but
KATE No I know
JONI Sorry.
KATE J, it’s cool.
JONI Ok cool. Ugh it’s a super long walk back to campus. Do you mind if I crash here?
KATE Uhh sure. But you don’t have to just cause I’m all lonely and grieve-y and shit. I don’t want a pity sleepover.
JONI No pity sleepover. I’m lonely too.
Joni gets under the covers.
KATE I’m just gonna pee.
JONI Have fun! 24.
Kate exits to the bathroom.
In the bathroom, Kate turns on the water faucet so Joni doesn’t hear her. She sticks her fingers down her throat and makes herself throw up.
Three other bathrooms suddenly appear on stage, with three sisters (Vicki, Rachel, and Ellie) kneeling over the toilets.
A choreographed bulimia dream ballet.
ODE, OR I KNOW ‘CROSSING THE RUBICON’ IS A ROMAN TERM BUT DEAL
Evening. The Theta Beta House. Initiation Night. All the lights are turned off. The sisters sing together.
GREEK CHORUS (singing) I think I shall never know Another love that bonds me so. Dwells in my heart by day, by night, Guides me closer to the light. I know that I need never fear When my sisters to me are near. And when ‘tis day for me to die, There’ll be no need, no need to cry, For I’m now a Thay Bay sis. And thus my days are full of bliss. So two hips and a hooray For the sisters of Thay Bay! So two hips and a hooray For the sisters of Thay Bay!
VICKI lights a single candle. The Greek Chorus continues humming the hymn, underneath the dialogue.
VICKI A Thay Bay isn’t something you become. It’s something you’ve always been. Tonight is the night you’ve been waiting for your whole life. I look around the room, at all of your faces, and I have never been prouder to be President of this Chapter. The first of many secrets tonight: our motto is “For Each Other.” 25.
Vicki passes the candle to her right.
ELLIE Sisterhood to me is waking up on the day of a big midterm you were super stressed about with a card signed by all your sisters wishing you good luck.
Ellie passes the candle to her right.
RACHEL When I think sisterhood, I think of the time when I had mono freshman year and vats of chicken soup and a ‘get well’ card signed by all the sisters showed up at my dorm.
Rachel passes the candle to her right.
HANNAH Before Thay Bay, I never really felt like I belonged? So to me sisterhood is realizing that there is a place that I belong, a place where I feel important and valued.
Hannah passes the candle to her right.
KATE Sisterhood is belonging to something greater than just yourself: it’s belonging to a community, to a history, and to each other.
The candle continues being passed around the circle. We experience this from Joni’s point of view. A swirl of lights and colors fill the stage. The feeling of everyone with everyone else, totally present. A feeling of belonging.
We crystallize to minutes, maybe hours, later: Time to Pledge. Joni is now holding the candle. She places her right hand on the Pledge Book. The humming stops.
JONI So let my life like the dove be, Full of hope and worth and glee.
Joni signs her name in the Pledge Book.
GREEK CHORUS So let her life like the dove be, Full of hope and worth and glee. 26.
Joni blows out the candle.
DIANOIA, OR PRE-ING THE GAME
Nine o’clock on a Friday night. Kate’s bedroom. A ‘pre-game’ party. Zoe, Bee, Rachel, Kate, and Joni are wearing cocktail dresses and listening to loud party music to pump themselves up for the Theta Beta Formal.
KATE (holding up her shot glass) Two hips and a hooray!
The sisters all clink their shots of Vodka and drink.
ALL Two hips and a hooray!
ZOE To sisterhood!
ALL Hear hear!
BEE Ohmygod I just got it. Hip hip hooray! Like at a birthday party.
RACHEL Ohmygod you’re so dense.
BEE Hey!/
RACHEL I meant pretty. You’re so pretty.
ZOE You excited for your first Thay Bay formal, beav?
JONI Nervous mostly. 27.
BEE No, you’ll have so much fun!
RACHEL And you have, like, the hottest date ever of all time ever.
JONI He’s cute, right?
KATE Are you kidding? Leigh was like bawling when she heard. She’s been in love with Adam for two years.
JONI Oh no, why didn’t you tell me?
RACHEL Um. Because Leigh is a bitch and deserves to die alone and rot in hell.
ZOE Um. / Harsh, Rach.
RACHEL Besides, you’re way more his type.
Joni fidgets with her dress.
JONI I love your dress, Bee.
BEE Ugh you’re the cutest.
KATE My little is Bae!
ALL Thay Bae!
RACHEL I can’t believe my little’s bailing for some lame soccer shit. She’s gonna lose mad GIN points. 28.
JONI Who are you going with, Rach?
RACHEL Connor.
JONI Connor who?
RACHEL From SigChi. I wanted to ask Dan from Alpha Rho, which is like the best / frat-
KATE Didn’t you/
RACHEL BUT we owe SigChi for not mixing with them this semester, so.. Call me Mother Theresa.
JONI Zoe, you’re going with Ryan tonight, right?
ZOE Yup! I haven’t seen him all week, with the new job and everything. I’m so excited.
BEE RACHEL Awwww! On behalf of the room full of single people, shut the fuck up./
Kate receives a text message (from Val). She reads it and starts to freak the fuck out.
KATE Ohmygodohmygodohmygod / ohmygod what the
JONI What?
ZOE Kate, what?
KATE Nothing. Just, uh... (Kate looks at herself in the mirror) Oh my God my hips are huge in this dress. 29.
ZOE Let me see.
KATE Does anyone / have any
ZOE Shutupyoulookamazing. / Seriously.
KATE I’m going to change.
Kate begins trying on a different outfit. She should be freaking the fuck out for the rest of this scene.
ZOE Kate, stop. You look fine.
BEE Does anyone have Advil? I’m so crampy.
ZOE Ohmygod me too. Here.
Zoe grabs a bottle of Advil off the shelf and hands two pills to Bee.
RACHEL Wait. Hashtag me too! Holy shit.
JONI When a group of girls live together, their cycles / link up.
ZOE Roomie, you must have yours too?
KATE Uh, no.
ZOE Are you still not getting it?
KATE Yeah no. 30.
BEE Oh my god are you pregnant?
KATE What? / No!
RACHEL You need to have P-in-V sex to get pregnant, Bee.
BEE Right. Sorry.
ZOE You know, if you stopped-
Kate shoots Zoe a death stare. A beat.
RACHEL This sucks balls. I want to get laid tonight.
BEE You can still have sex on your period.
RACHEL Yeah, when you’re like monogamous and in love and shit that’s fine. But when it’s like a guy you / barely know
ZOE Eww gross stop with the period sex talk.
RACHEL Prude.
Kate tries on another outfit.
BEE I liked the first / one, K.
RACHEL Seriously, enough. It’s not like you have a date, so who the fuck even cares?
JONI Can I, um, borrow your lipstick, Bee?
Bee hands her the lipstick. 31.
ZOE So, beav, are you gonna hook up with Adam?
JONI Um. I don’t know. If we, like, click maybe.
RACHEL If you click? Beav, he’s like sex on legs.
JONI It’s my first formal. I want to hang with you guys.
ZOE You will!
JONI But I’m super awkwardsauce at parties. Like, I’ll be that person in the corner pretending to text someone/
BEE You won’t be alone, / beav.
ZOE Yeah, we got you, girl.
JONI Promise?
ZOE / Duh.
BEE Wait, but you have, you know, smooshed before, right?
RACHEL Smooshed. OMG Bee./
JONI A lady never kisses and tells.
RACHEL Yeah, but a sister fucks and shares. 32.
BEE Ohmygod you haven’t! Beav’s a virgin! How / cute!
JONI No I’m not.
BEE Ohmygod spill./
RACHEL Spill, beav.
JONI Ben. He was my high school boyfriend.
ZOE Dawwww. High school / sweetheart Ben.
RACHEL Well I hear he’s really good in bed.
JONI Ben? How?
RACHEL No. Adam!
Kate re-fills everyone’s shot glasses.
JONI More?
BEE Aw, beav. You’re so cute. It’s a pre-game. You have to pre the game.
RACHEL Bee Carty, everyone. Wizard of words.
BEE Why are you being mean?
RACHEL C’mon, I’m just pre-ing the game.
KATE Stop, Rach. 33.
RACHEL You stop. You’re the one freaking out and holding us up, and I wasn’t even talking to/
ZOE To baby’s first formal!
ALL Baby’s first formal!
The sisters’ clink shot glasses and drink.
A song they love comes on.
BEE Ohmygod I love this song!
Bee starts singing along. They all join in and dramatically dance and sing along.
Singing and dancing transitions into:
ORCHESTRA, OR BABY’S FIRST FORMAL
The same song continues playing. But now a crowd of Greek students are partying it up at Theta Beta’s Formal After Party at the fraternity Alpha Rho’s house.
A typical college party. Red cups are everywhere. Couples grind on the dance floor.
The slow slur of drunk students trying to sing along to the music, but no one quite knows the words. They all sing different lyrics.
A surreal party sequence. Familiar to our world, but stylized, heightened, slowed down, sped up.
JONI I’m not even drunk right now!
KATE J, we finished the bottle of Grey anthree GnT’s at Formal. 34.
JONI I know, but I’mlike not even drunk righnow. I srsly don’t feel it. How’d we get here?
KATE Beav, it’s the after party. We were at Formal downtown and now we’re at the Alpha Rho / house.
JONI Alpha Rho plus Theta Beta 5Evaaaaa! Ohmygod I love ThayBay so much. You’re like my best friend. Not just like in school but like ever ever. Izzthat weird t’say?
Kate receives a text. She reads it.
JONI You’re like my fo real sister. Like notta Thay Bay sista, a, like, “sister-sister.”
Kate reads and re-reads the text. She responds Her breathing quickens.
JONI Anyou know what? I think it’s badass you didn’t have a date. Boys suck! I mean, shit, I mean / girls suck too
KATE Aw hon. I’m gonna- I gotta go outside for a sec. OK?
Kate walks outside.
A surreal drinking dance. A red cup gets passed around the party in a stylized, sexualized way.
After the red cup dance, Joni approaches Zoe.
JONI Ohmygod I just kissed Adam.
ZOE Get it, gurrrrrrl. Where’s / Kate?
JONI His lips are passion fruit. 35.
ZOE Passion fruit?
JONI ZOE Mmhmm. Ryan’s are celery.
JONI Celery, ewwwww.
Another dance break. More grinding and sloppy singing.
The dancing continues as we focus on Kate outside. Kate fixes her dress. She paces nervously.
Finally, VAL enters.
A choreographed moment or minute of fantasy. Think Tony and Maria at the Dance in West Side Story.
It’s a fleeting moment of what could have been, what Kate so desperately wants.
Then Val breaks away. Back to reality.
KATE Val? Oh my god / Val.
VAL Kate. Hi.
KATE I can’t believe I’m hugging you right now. I can’t believe you’re back, bug.
They pull out of the hug.
KATE You look... [wow]
VAL You too. 36.
KATE Oh my God, it’s you.
VAL It’s you.
Kate kisses Val. At first, Val gives in to it, but then she pulls away.
KATE Oh my god I was just at this stupid pre-game just like ughh this night’s gonna suck and then I saw your name on my phone and I was like hold on is this real? Am I dreaming?
VAL Well I’m back.
KATE When did you/
VAL Last week.
KATE Last week? You’ve been here a week?
VAL I’m not starting classes till next semester, but yeah.
KATE And you just, um. You just texted tonight?
VAL Yeah. I just, I wanted to let you know I was here / in case
KATE Ohmygod legendary idea! Yes! Lessgo to the balcony and play maps!
VAL Kate.
KATE Ohmygod bug, I missed you sooo much, like, every second of/ 37.
VAL Kate. Um. I shouldn’t have... I mean. I should head home.
KATE Come oooon, you just got here and I haven’t seen you in/
VAL Can we talk tomorrow?
KATE Why are you all of a sudden acting / [weird]?
VAL You’re drunk.
KATE So? What’s the big/
VAL Please.
KATE Val. It’s me. What?
VAL Please. Not now, just/
KATE OhmyGODWHAT???/
VAL I don’t want to see you anymore. Please, I’ll explain tomorrow.
KATE No. I want to hear. Continue.
VAL Kate.
KATE “You don’t want to see me anymore” because... 38.
VAL This is not how I wanted this to... I mean, I was planning to... well. I’ve, um, I’ve been doing a lot of healing these past few months. A lot of, uh, [reflecting] and... I’m, um, I’m sober now.
KATE That’s / amazing
VAL Yeah. But um. I can’t see you anymore.
KATE Why?
VAL Please, let’s talk about this/
KATE WHY???
VAL I can’t be around this anymore!
KATE This like the drinking, or?/
VAL The drinking, yeah, but all of it. This. You texted me that you were just taking care of your Little. That you weren’t having a good time, that you wanted to talk. Do you know how scary it is for me to be at a party like this?
KATE I’m sorry, bug, I didn’t think / about
VAL Of course you didn’t think. You call me and I come running. You kiss me and I... I feel like I have to kiss you back.
KATE I didn’t make you / kiss me, that’s not fair
VAL Nothing’s changed for you, but for me/ 39.
KATE It’s been months. Everything’s changed, / please
VAL I can’t just go drink and play maps at three in the morning. I can’t.
KATE You’re right, you’re right, so let’s do something / else
VAL No, I can’t ditch class and stay up all night. I can’t pretend that after we [hook up] you don’t go to the bathroom and/
KATE Val, I didn’t, I mean I wouldn’t / do
VAL I can’t, like, totally isolate myself from reality anymore.
A beat.
KATE I mean, I thought that’s what you wanted.
VAL I actually like GG. I like flag football and sisterhood bonding events and... GG has been so great to me these last few months. You wanted me to hate it with you, to hate anything that wasn’t you or us, but I... I like it.
KATE You could have just told/
VAL I’m sorry. I’m trying really hard to be my best self. To learn to love / myself and
KATE Oh stop with the / bullshit!
VAL I’m not my best self around you. I’m just not. You hate yourself too much.
KATE OK. Can we... I mean, can’t we just start / over and 40.
VAL No. Of course I thought about you every day, Kate. But. I almost died. I can’t keep... everything’s different. And you’re not. I’m sorry.
Val starts to walk away.
KATE Please don’t/
VAL I’m sorry, Kate.
Val exits.
Kate then re-enters the party and goes straight to the “bar.” Kate does a shot. Then another.
RACHEL You might want to slow down.
KATE You might want to back off.
RACHEL I said have fun, not like drown yourself!
Kate drinks a defiant third shot. Rachel tries to take the glass from her. It spills all over Rachel.
RACHEL What theFUCK?
Rachel walks away in anger. Kate disappears into the party. The music swells and the party continues.
BEE Beav! Beav!
JONI Bee! Bee’s like beav.
BEE Ohmygod / twinsies! 41.
JONI Twinsies!
BEE Adam’s, like, so into you.
JONI No! Really?
BEE Really dilly. I heard him talking to Sam. Adam wants to make sweetsweetlovelove to you.
JONI I just want to dance.
BEE Dance, sista! Dance!
Joni dances outrageously. The party continues its weird slow dance for a bit, then freezes.
We focus on Kate, alone in the middle of the dance floor. Time dilates.
KATE Val. How could you? How could you do that to us? Look at me. Look at what you’re doing to me. See me See me See me.
Back to real time. The party resumes. Kate finds Joni dancing with Zoe and Rachel.
JONI (throwing her arms around Kate) Ohmygod Big! I love you, big!!
KATE I’m heading out, Joni. 42.
JONI ZOE But issssoooooo fun! Ugh you’re the lamest.
RACHEL Just be a normal freaking human, Kate!
KATE J, you going to be OK?
JONI (singing) “We are family. I got all my sisters with me!”
KATE Make sure Zoe walks you home, OK?
JONI Zo Bo. Yes. She’ll walk me. “We are family!”
Kate goes to Zoe and whispers something in her ear. Kate exits the party.
RACHEL Ugh thankGOD. Kate was such a Debbie Downer tonight.
ZOE Seriously. What happened to her?
RACHEL I don’t know, I’m so sick of her crap.
ZOE Do you think she’s OK?
Rachel and Zoe pow-wow alone to talk.
JONI (singing) “I got all my sisters with me!”
The party crescendoes and crescendoes.
The Greek Chorus does what Greek Chorus’ do best: witness. 43.
END OF ACT ONE. 44.
ACT TWO
IN MEDIA RES, OR THE SUPER IMPORTANT AND NOT-AT-ALL POINTLESS PANCAKE BAKE-OFF
Three weeks after Winter Break. 3am. Kate and Joni make pancakes in the Theta Beta kitchen. Joni makes the batter in the bowl, while Kate flips the pancakes on the griddle.
A full minute of silence.
Joni starts forming circles out of the new batch of dough.
KATE How much longer?
JONI Hour and a half.
KATE Fuck me.
A beat.
KATE How was your break?
JONI Um, fine, normal. How was yours?
KATE Fine, yeah. My parents freaked when I got my grades back, but... I tried calling like a billion/
JONI I know.
KATE Was everything/ 45.
JONI Yeah. Just, you know, got busy.
KATE Beav?
JONI I should have called back. I’m sorry.
KATE No, I just, I missed you. Are you going to the mixer? What’s the stupid name? Drop it Like It’s Yacht.
JONI Nope. You?
KATE Not if you don’t.
JONI We’re going to lose so many GIN points.
KATE I was looking at the app and I’m already in like last place.
JONI Same. Hence the 3am shift.
KATE You? Really?
JONI Yup.
A beat.
KATE Rach got her clit pierced.
JONI No!
KATE Yup. 46.
JONI That must’ve hurt.
KATE She cried for three hours.
A beat.
JONI Are people still really eating pancakes at four in the morning?
KATE Leigh enticed all the frats to come with weed. So they’re all stoned off their asses and shoveling maple syrup into their mouths.
JONI Which frats?
KATE The usual suspects.
JONI Alpha Rho?
KATE I think I saw some of them, yeah.
Joni whisks super aggressively. Batter flies all over the floor. The kitchen is a mess.
JONI Ohmygod! Shit!
KATE J, are you/
JONI I’m fine.
KATE Ok. ... What’s wrong with Alpha Rho?
JONI Nothing! I’m fine! 47.
KATE ... Did something happen / with-
Hannah enters.
HANNAH Hey gravediggers--OHMYGOD.
JONI I’m sorry, / Hannah.
HANNAH What the hell happened?
KATE It was an accident. We’ll clean it up.
HANNAH Well Duh. And OHMYGOD did you literally not even read the instructions? I color- coded it and / everything!
KATE What? What’s wrong?
HANNAH They’re supposed to be TEAL. As in teal for RAPE awareness. / Like why we’re doing this whole stupid bake-a-thon.
JONI (Right. Cause that’ll do the trick)
Kate clocks this.
HANNAH I mean, this is PHILANTHROPY. The guys are starving out there and we’re raising a shitton of money for, like, a good cause and / you’re treating
KATE It’s frat bros getting high and spending too much on shitty pancakes. Don’t pretend it’s this, like, noble charity event.
HANNAH Enough. I’m sending you to Standards. I’m sorry, but seriously, who do you think you are? Ellie! El! 48.
Hannah exits, yelling for Ellie.
KATE Want to ditch? I have ice cream upstairs, if you wanna... we can talk?
JONI Uh sure yeah
They look at the mess on the floor. Kate throws more batter on the floor. Joni gives a half-laugh. They exit.
MYTHOS, OR THE STANDARDS HEARING [DUN DUN DUN]
Kate and Joni are at the Standards hearing. Ellie, Vicki, and Hannah sit across from Kate and Joni at an official-looking table.
HANNAH All they had to do was show up, make some stupid pancakes, and not fucking destroy the kitchen. Leigh and I spent forty-five minutes cleaning up after them at FOUR IN THE MORNING. After they ditched. I mean, this is philanthropy, not a frat party. They disrespected me, this office, and the charity for which we’re all working / so hard to
ELLIE Alright Hannah, thank you. For your honesty. Kate? Joni?
KATE Look. We’re sorry, Hannah. We are. I was tired. Joni was tired. It was four in the morning!
HANNAH Apology not accepted.
ELLIE Hannah!
HANNAH What? “Oh I’m sorry.” Yeah, OK. That fixes everything. You know I had to wake girls up to cover your shift? And the batter, like, congealed to the floor. It’s still stuck under my nails and it’s / been how many- 49.
ELLIE Joni, do you have anything to add?
JONI No. But...
Joni looks at Kate.
KATE Can Joni speak with Vicki for a minute? Alone?
ELLIE Anything you need to say, Joni, should be said in here.
HANNAH This is a safe space.
JONI Please.
VICKI Sure. Just a minute.
Kate squeezes Joni’s hand. Then Ellie, Hannah, and Kate leave the room.
VICKI If you have anything to add, you really should say it in front of Ellie.
JONI This is about something else. Please. I didn’t know who to talk to about this.
VICKI What’s wrong?
JONI OK. Um. You know how I went to Formal with Adam?
VICKI Yeah? 50.
JONI Well, he, um... I was really drunk. I don’t usually drink that much, but it was my first Formal, so I wanted to...
VICKI Joni, what is it?
JONI Nothing. I mean, never mind. It doesn’t matter.
VICKI “For Each Other.”
A long beat.
JONI He, um, I didn’t want to sleep with him but he... And I don’t know how to- Like who I talk to or... You’re the President, so what do I, what do I do?
VICKI Oh, Joni. Thank you for telling me.
JONI Yeah.
VICKI I, I’m... (she puts her hand on her heart) Have you, um, told anyone else?
JONI Just Kate.
VICKI OK.
JONI But I should tell someone else, right? That’s what you’re supposed to do, right?
VICKI Um. That’s up to you. 51.
JONI What do you think? I mean, what can I do?
VICKI Well, um, there are a few options. A friend of mine went through the University process last year, but uh... it was a nightmare. Dragged on and on and nothing happened.
JONI Nothing, like, they didn’t find him guilty / or?
VICKI It took forever and it was just too... She withdrew the complaint after a couple months. They ask you everything from how much did you drink to were you kissing? Dancing? Did you see a doctor? Get a rape kit?/
JONI I, um. I didn’t go to the hospital.
VICKI That makes it very hard to prove, in their eyes, without/
JONI I know.
VICKI They’ll ask, how much do you remember of that night? Did you at any time give affirmative consent? Did / you
JONI I mean, it flashes in and out. Like I was here, and I was at their House maybe before or after, but I remember saying “no” and “stop.” (And I woke up bleeding.)
VICKI Ok, that’s.../
JONI So what can I do?
VICKI As your president, and your sister, my number one priority is to protect you. And I’ll support whatever you decide.
JONI OK. 52.
VICKI ...But I don’t know if the system will really protect you. I mean, it’s changing, right? Or they say it’s changing. But for my... uh, friend...The guy, he threatened to file a defamation lawsuit. For, uh, hurting his reputation or ‘emotional well-being’ or whatever. The University doesn’t want me to say this but it’s really hard for vic- I mean, survivors- to win.
JONI So what else is there to do?
VICKI I mean, you could go right to the police, / like to
JONI No. I mean, I don’t think I want to do that.
VICKI OK. I mean, those are the official ways to report.
JONI That’s... it?
VICKI I’m sorry. I didn’t want to... I mean, I never want to have this conversation. I never want to have to. I hope you know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, for all of Thay Bay.
A beat.
JONI Vicki, if it were you, what would you do?
VICKI If it were me?
JONI Yeah. I don’t, I mean... what would you do?
VICKI I don’t want to... I mean, everyone deals with this / differently
JONI Please. 53.
VICKI OK. Um. If it were me, and this is just me, I know this is going to sound [anti-feminist] or whatever, but... I’d tell myself
GREEK CHORUS This didn’t happen.
VICKI I know that’s not possible. But look at... I mean. It will follow you around for the rest of school. The rest of your life.
Ellie knocks.
VICKI One second!
ELLIE (O.S.) We have to delib before the Social Chair meeting.
VICKI Thank you for telling me. I know that’s not easy. Please let me know what you want to do and how I can help.
JONI Um. Yeah.
VICKI In the meantime, I think it’s helpful to talk to someone. I have the number of the University counseling/
JONI No. But, um, thanks.
VICKI We’re all here for you.
Ellie and Hannah enter.
HANNAH No more last pleas, Joni. Wait outside.
Joni exits. 54.
ELLIE What was that about?
VICKI Uh, nothing. Let’s get started.
STASIMA, OR WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE STANDING STILL
A University Title IX Hearing. A musical Title IX mash-up.
The INVESTIGATOR bangs a gavel. Then the beat builds underneath. The “documents” should all overlap and crescendo.
DOCUMENT 1 “The freedom to learn depends upon appropriate opportunities and conditions in the classroom, / on the campus, and in the larger community.”
DOCUMENT 2 “Given the violating nature of sexual / misconduct, whenever possible it is the complainant who decides whether or not to pursue a complaint, and in what venue.”
DOCUMENT 3 “This process is designed to address the University’s responsibilities under Title IX / of the Education Amendments of 1972 relating to sexual harassment, the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2013 and California Education Code sections 67380, 67383 and 67386.
DOCUMENT 4 “We know from national statistics that this number represents only a fraction / of the instances of sexual misconduct at-”
DOCUMENT 5 “Consent must be affirmative. ‘Affirmative consent’ means affirmative, conscious, and voluntary / agreement to engage in sexual activity. It is positive cooperation in act and attitude made with knowledge and agreement to the nature of the act.”
DOCUMENT 6 “Your case will be heard by a panel of three trained panelists, who will be selected from a pool consisting of faculty, staff and graduate students / appointed by the Provost. The panelist pool will be diverse and representative of the University community.” 55.
DOCUMENT 7 “An investigation by a Title IX coordinator includes interviewing the complainant and respondent, interviewing any witnesses or other parties with knowledge of the alleged conduct, and collecting documentation.
INVESTIGATOR Possible disciplinary actions include the following:
GREEK CHORUS EXPULSION.
INVESTIGATOR Permanent separation from the University without the option to re-enroll in any future degree-granting program.
GREEK CHORUS SUSPENSION.
INVESTIGATOR From the University for up to three academic years.
GREEK CHORUS PROBATION.
INVESTIGATOR Should the Respondent face any other disciplinary matter that decision-making body would consider the probation as an aggravating factor in imposing discipline.
GREEK CHORUS NO-CONTACT.
INVESTIGATOR A no-contact restriction would be imposed between the complainant and the respondent.
GREEK CHORUS COUNSELING.
INVESTIGATOR The Title IX Coordinator will counsel the respondent on appropriate conduct. And finally, If the complainant does not find sufficient evidence to support the allegation, all charges will be/
GREEK CHORUS DROPPED. 56.
INVESTIGATOR The case is pending.
GREEK CHORUS (not in unison) The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending.
ETHOS, OR I WON’T GROW UP! (I WON’T GROW UP)
As the Greek Chorus transitions, they sing:
GREEK CHORUS (singing) If growing up means it would be Beneath my dignity to climb a tree I’ll never grow up, never grow up, never grow uh-up Not me!
KATE (singing) Not I!
JONI (singing) Not me!
GREEK CHORUS (singing) So there.
A mani/pedi salon. Joni and Kate sit in chairs next to each other. They’re getting pedicures.
KATE What did you end up choosing?
JONI Fiesta.
KATE What? 57.
JONI That’s what it’s called. Fiesta. It’s like a dark lavender.
KATE Oooh
JONI I thought Zoe and Rach were supposed to come. Are they mad I crashed?
KATE What? No. They, um. They’ve just been acting like kind of passive aggressive lately so I didn’t invite them.
As in previous scenes, girls pop up, in spotlight, commenting outside of the scene. The girls should be dressed as pedicurists, so they turn towards the audience, from their pedicure positions. Rachel turns around.
RACHEL We’re not being passive aggressive! It’s just, like/
GREEK CHORUS What are we going to say?
RACHEL Yeah. I mean, we feel bad/
GREEK CHORUS Obviously.
RACHEL But she hasn’t even told us what happened so, like... what are we supposed to do?
JONI Because of me?
KATE ... I don’t know.
JONI I’m sorry.
KATE Fuck them. We got each other. 58.
JONI Do I really have to go tonight?
KATE Yes. Or deactivate?
Hannah turns around.
HANNAH She should totally just deactivate. It would just, like, make it easier for all of us.
GREEK CHORUS Hannah!
HANNAH What? You know you’re all thinking the same thing!
KATE Bee’s planning though so it’ll be fun.
Bee turns around.
BEE OMG it’s going to be SO fun! Thay Bay never lets me plan a mixer because they say I’m too la la la. Whatever that means. But my new BF Greg is in AEPi, so I’m like connected.
JONI It’s “Dirty Disney.”
KATE Which could be fun? Maybe?
Bee turns around again.
BEE OMG it’s going to be SO fun!
JONI Who are you going as?
KATE Dirty Peter Pan.
JONI Ew. Just say Peter Pan. 59.
KATE Diiiiiiirty Peter. Are you a naughty boy who won’t grow up?
JONI Ugh I hate that we have to go.
KATE I hate that we have to sober sis. Fuck Standards.
Ellie turns around.
ELLIE I’m sorry! You think I like being Standards Chair? No one wants to have to like punish their friends. I didn’t want this job. No one wants this job. But like… I thought maybe if I were useful then I’d fit in? But I don’t know. I guess I’m tired of like feeling like I don’t fit in this world? My body doesn’t fit in this world? Or... I don’t know, never mind. I’m probably just...
Joni starts giggling from the foot scrub.
JONI Sorry I’m ticklish. ... I haven’t gotten a pedicure since prom.
KATE Oh God prom.
Zoe turns around.
ZOE Ryan asked me to Prom when we first started dating.
GREEK CHORUS (singing) Awww Ryan and Zoe, sitting in a tree./
ZOE I saved up for months and months for this perfect dress. Anyway, it was an awesome night./
GREEK CHORUS (singing) K-I-S-S-I-N-G./ 60.
ZOE But when I got to school and got into Thay Bay, it was like prom every weekend. You know, you need a new dress for every party and mixer and formal./
GREEK CHORUS (singing) First comes love, then comes marriage...
ZOE He complains I hardly ever see him anymore, though, but I’m working three jobs just to, like, keep up. And everyone in Thay Bay is like you’re so lucky you have a boyfriend. You’re so much luckier than we are. And I know I should feel lucky, but...
GREEK CHORUS (singing) Then comes baby in a baby carriage.
JONI Do you think I peaked in high school?
KATE What?
JONI Like I’ll never be happier or more successful or more sure of myself than second semester, senior year, eighteen years old.
KATE No. I’m, um, I’m really proud of you, J.
JONI ... They found text messages.
KATE What?
JONI The panel. Adam showed them our texts. The morning after, he texted, like,
Everyone turns around.
GREEK CHORUS “Had so much fun last night. Let’s do it again sometime.” 61.
JONI And I just wanted to pretend that maybe it didn’t happen or maybe it was OK because he was cute and... So I texted back:
GREEK CHORUS (AND JONI) “Yeah, definitely!”
JONI So obviously I know how that’ll look.
Leigh turns around.
LEIGH I’ve been, like, in love with Adam since freshman year. So when Adam went to formal with Joni, I was like actually pretty broken. Even when I heard - and I know this is gonna sound super [fucked up] - but part of me was like, why couldn’t that have been me? I would have wanted to...
KATE Oh, J. I’m so/
JONI I mean, it’s fine. It’s just... Don’t be proud of me. I’m like the world’s worst woman. I mean, I should have/
KATE Stop. You’re not a “bad / feminist” or
JONI I know. It’s just/
KATE Joni. You’re not.
JONI Just like, if as like women we’re supposed to be empowered now or whatever, why did I (let him)...
KATE We need a break from all this empowerment. 62.
JONI Yeah. I guess I just thought that if I told, like, a grown-up or - you know what I mean - that I would feel... But I’m just... (I’m so ashamed.)
Vicki turns around.
VICKI The year I joined Thay Bay, we were the loser sorority. Recruitment was dropping, no one wanted to mix with us. Alums stopped donating after we, um... diversified. So when I became president, I worked really really hard to be in the right rooms and say the right things. And I brought us all the way from a low tier sorority to top-tier!
The Greek Chorus applauds.
VICKI Thanks. And so Nationals took notice and I got an interview for a job for next year. And they were like you’ve done really well considering the hand you’d been dealt. And I was just like... “For Each Other”? This morning I woke up and decided I hate myself.
JONI All my insides are so squishy right now.
KATE But you said that’s when you can re-sculpt your soul, right?
JONI I was just making shit up.
KATE Yeah. But I think with your broken insides and my broken insides, maybe we can put them together, and like, make something whole. Or something.
A long silence.
JONI (to the pedicurist) Can you make it hotter? Sorry.
The pedicurist makes the foot tub water hotter. 63.
JONI Thank you. Sorry.
Silence as they focus on their pedicures.
SPARAGAMOS, OR LITERALLY ‘TEARING TO PIECES’
Later that night. The “Dirty Disney” mixer. A bunch of AEPi Fraternity brothers and Theta Beta sisters dressed in “Dirty Disney” inspired outfits chat and drink.
Leigh is dressed as Snow White, Hannah is dressed as Pocahontas, Vicki is dressed as Elsa, and Ellie is dressed as Cinderella.
LEIGH Ughhh this party is so lame.
VICKI ELLIE Hey! Bee worked really/ Ohmygod I know!
HANNAH No one but A-E-freakin’-Pi wants to mix with us anymore.
LEIGH What if this is our last party, like, ever?
HANNAH Don’t even think like that.
ELLIE There’s no way the school would actually / shut down
VICKI How’s Brett taking it?
ELLIE Bad. But, um, we broke up.
LEIGH Ohmygod what? 64.
ELLIE Yeah. For like brother solidarity or whatever.
HANNAH LEIGH Are you kidding me? Ohmygod I’m going to castrate him, that son of a/
ELLIE Don’t bother. He has a penis the size of [a centipede].
HANNAH Are you guys on the witness list?
LEIGH Ughyes. You?
ELLIE VICKI Yup. Yes.
HANNAH Mine’s at the end of the month.
VICKI Same.
LEIGH I’m on the 15th or something like that.
ELLIE I’m on the 1st.
HANNAH LEIGH Oh shit. They have to spread us out.
VICKI What?
LEIGH Not you. Us. Our testimonies are more “unreliable” to a jury or a panel or whatever. Better not hear us all at once.
ELLIE (Or even hear us / at all.) 65.
VICKI Wait? Really? I’m sure that’s not/
Kate and Joni enter the party, dressed as dirty Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.
LEIGH Speak of the devil.
HANNAH Kate! Joni! Hi!
KATE Hey.
VICKI Cute costumes!
HANNAH (sarcastic) You’re, um,.. matching. How fun!
KATE And you’re, what? A culturally appropriative Native American?
HANNAH What? Did you want me to dress as like freaking Mulan? Did you?
VICKI / Girls!
LEIGH I need another drink. Do you want anything?
JONI / No, I’m-
HANNAH They can’t. Standards punishment. They’re sober sisters. (You got lucky.)
ELLIE I’m going to try The Glass Slipper cocktail. For, y’know. We’ll catch up with you later.
Leigh, Hannah, and Ellie go to the “bar” area to fill up on drinks. Vicki stays behind. 66.
VICKI Thanks for, um, being sober sisters.
KATE Well, we had to, right?
VICKI I know, but/
JONI Don’t you have to catch up with your friends?
VICKI Oh, um. Yeah. I’ll...
Vicki joins Leigh, Hannah, and Ellie.
KATE I hate being sober sister.
JONI I hate them. They just walk around being all like ‘I’m perfect, my life is great, you should just get over yourself and be like me.’
KATE I know they’re the worst, but I’m sure they’re not, like, / perfect
JONI I thought you were on my side?
KATE I am I am. Us against them, I’m just / saying
Zoe and Bee walk over.
BEE Ohmygod you came!
KATE Wouldn’t miss it. And not just cause we literally can’t.
BEE Aww. You guys look so cute! 67.
JONI Thanks. Um, who are you?
BEE You can’t tell? (in a Winnie the Pooh voice) Oh bother. I have a rumbly in my tummy.
JONI Oh my gosh, Winnie the Pooh!
BEE Yes!
JONI Zoe, you’re such a cute Minnie.
ZOE Uh, thanks.
KATE Where’s the new lovah boy, Bee?
BEE He’s floating around somewhere. He’s Eeyore. Oh shit. Somebody get that! Greg, the keg’s exploding! I’ll be right back.
Bee walks off to fix the keg. Zoe stands there awkwardly and then follows Bee.
JONI I feel like everyone’s staring at me.
KATE That’s cause you look diiiiiiirty.
JONI I’m serious.
KATE Me too. You look hot, girl.
JONI I mean, like, they’re talking about me. 68.
KATE Yeah, well. Girls talk. Screw ‘em. Is this the first time you’ve gone out since/
JONI Yeah.
KATE Oh, J.
JONI Had to happen sometime.
Val enters the party, dressed as The Mad Hatter.
JONI This is why I never liked parties. I hated when people looked at me before. But now it’s like/
KATE Oh my God.
JONI What?
KATE Val’s here.
JONI Ohmygod, say hi!
KATE No, fuck, when I look like this? Let’s go.
JONI We have to sober sis!
Val approaches Kate and Joni.
VAL Hi.
KATE Oh. Val. Hi. 69.
VAL Nice costume.
KATE Um. You too. Mad Hatter?
VAL Yeah. Figured I might as well play up the stereotype.
KATE Ha.
VAL (to Joni) Hi. I’m Val.
JONI Hi.
KATE This is Joni.
JONI Right. Joni. I’m Joni.
VAL Joni. Cute Tinkerbell costume.
JONI Thanks.
VAL I like the matching/
KATE She’s not- I mean... Joni’s my Little.
VAL Nice to meet you, Little.
KATE What are you doing at a Thay Bay-AEPi mixer? 70.
JONI I’m, um... I’m going to go to the bathroom.
Kate mouths “Stay.”
JONI I mean, never mind. I don’t have to pee anymore.
VAL Well, uh, actually I should... I’m here with my, um, Sasha? You know Sasha. She’s getting us “Frozen” margaritas. Um. Virgin, of course.
Kate laughs a little too hard.
KATE Ha! Frozen! Like Anna and Elsa. I get it.
VAL Well I should go find her.
KATE Are you, um, are you and Sasha...?
VAL Um. Yeah.
KATE / Oh.
VAL It’s only been a few weeks.
KATE Oh. Um. Yeah, cool.
VAL It was nice meeting you, Joni.
Val goes to a different area of the party.
KATE Ohmygod, what am I wearing? Fuck. / Oh my God. 71.
JONI Oh Kate, I’m so/
Kate dashes for the door and exits the party.
JONI Kate! Come back!
Joni finds herself alone in the middle of the party. This triggers a memory of Formal. A post- traumatic flashback. Joni has a panic attack. The music swells. Movements slow. Lights shift. Heightened breathing.
The same surreal party movement sequence of Formal. The same song played during ORCHESTRA plays again. Slow motion.
Joni clutches her chest.
The room then transforms back into the Dirty Disney party. A few of the party guests, including Val, notice.
Joni, disoriented, looks for the exit. She stumbles for a second. Val comes to her side.
VAL Hey, are you OK?
JONI Oh. Um, yeah. I... I’m just going to...
Rachel (dressed as Cruella de Vil) is super duper drunk. Zoe is trying to usher Rachel to the bathroom.
RACHEL Wait Joniiiiiiiiiii.
JONI Oh, uh / hi 72.
RACHEL Ohmygod you’re Val! The famous Val!
VAL Ha. / Yeah, I guess?
RACHEL Ohmygod HIDE THE KNIVES HIDE THE PILLS / LOL
JONI Rach/
RACHEL Shouldn’t you not be at a party? Aren’t you like a total schizo psycho?
ZOE Come on, Rach / let’s go
RACHEL (as she exits) What the fuck is happening to Greek Life?
Rachel and Zoe exit. A beat.
JONI Um. Sorry about...
VAL I’ve heard worse.
JONI Oh. Sorry. Kate’s outside, so. I’m gonna...sorry...
Joni exits the party. She sees Kate outside, kneeling over as if to vomit.
KATE Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.
JONI Kate? 73.
KATE She has a girlfriend. A girlfriend. Oh my god. And a Thay Bay! Are you kidding me? Sasha? I hate Sasha! She’s terrible.
JONI She’s not / that
KATE She lives three doors down from me. There’s a ‘no boys’ rule in the House, but not a... What am I going to do? Like actually? And Val of course is even more fucking beautiful / than ever.
JONI She was just / really
KATE And it’s so stupid because my heart’s been, like, dying slowly for months, and I just thought one day my heart would die and that would be that. But now she’s here with SASHA and / it’s like
JONI OK. Slow down. It sucks, I know. It sucks when your ex moves / on, but it’s not like
KATE My ex? Joni, she wasn’t just... She’s Val. She’s my- She’s Val.
JONI I know!
KATE No you don’t.
JONI Um. I mean, I’ve / been listening
KATE Outside Formal last semester, she basically blamed me for everything she... that I’m this, like, messed up, broken person.
JONI Why didn’t you- I mean, why didn’t you tell me? 74.
KATE I mean, I wanted to. I called you like a billion times over break and you never called back or texted or facebook messaged / so I thought
JONI Well obviously / you know why I didn’t
KATE And I wanted to die, OK? I wanted to be dead.
JONI Kate.
KATE No, you don’t understand what that/
JONI I don’t understand? What? Pain or, like, depression or what don’t/
KATE I know this isn’t rape, OK? Your pain is bigger than mine. I know that. You win.
JONI Fuck off.
KATE Joni, I’m, I didn’t/
JONI This was my first party since... and you just leave me. Alone. Again! Without... And then I come outside, looking for you to help, and you go on and on about your... It’s all about you, Kate.
KATE / No, that’s not
JONI Isn’t it? All the time. It’s you against Val, you against Thay Bay, you against everything that doesn’t fit into / your idea of
KATE You fit! Look at you! You fit into this world. You wouldn’t know what it’s / like to 75.
JONI If you don’t let me in, I can’t know, Kate.
KATE Right. Like you let me in?
JONI I try! I try but you always make it about you. / The Kate show!
KATE And you love it! You just love to swoop in there and clean up my mess. Does it make you feel good?
JONI That is not/
KATE Does it make you feel like, like the fucking hero?
JONI Someone tries to criticize you and it’s like the whole world hates you. If you want to be that alone, then fine. Go! Just fucking go and leave me alone. Please.
Joni sits down. She puts her head in her hands. Kate exits the party.
A tonally jarring Disney song plays in the background. Perhaps “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan. Drunk party guests sing along.
A full minute passes.
Rachel then stumbles out of the party, with Val trailing behind trying to help. Rachel gags a bit.
RACHEL I’mmmmfine iss totally fine. Go away!
Rachel vomits. Joni runs to her and holds her hair back. Val rubs her back. Joni and Val look at each other.
END OF ACT TWO. 76.
ACT THREE
ANTODE, OR PRETTYPLEASE JOIN MYFITNESSPAL
Evening. Theta Beta Chapter Meeting.
RACHEL THETA WHAT?
GREEK CHORUS THETA BETA!
Everyone, besides Joni and Kate, should be talking amongst themselves.
RACHEL Awesome yes. So hi girls. I don’t want to be, like, annoying Mom Pam here, but I need to talk to you about Dirty Disney. I’m really disappointed in everyone. I’ve been a part of this chapter for almost two years now, and …Girls, please stop talking. It’s really rude. I understand that this was a social event, and I expect you to drink, but do you have any respect for yourselves at all? I get it…if you wear a tight dress to a mixer, you don’t want panty-lines. But wear a thong for christsakes! I saw not one, but two va-jay-jays, and I’m HUMILIATED. Like actually. Ever heard the phrase, “leave a little to the imagination?” Girls, if you don’t stop talking, I’m going to start individually calling you out (Zoe)…Thank you.
ZOE RACHEL (Oh my God what’s gotten into her?) I’m not trying to tell you not to have fun.
RACHEL I drink too. I like to have fun. But when you became a part of Theta Beta, it’s not just your reputation, it’s- GIRLS I CAN SEE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES! ENOUGH! Anyway, a big thank you to our sober sisters who held back your hair and made sure you got home safely. But please, don’t be stupid. It’s as simple as that. OK, everyone have a good week and good luck on midterms!
ELLIE Thanks, Rach. Um. Hannah, philanthropy’s / next. (Or just go, that’s fine.)
HANNAH OK so the nail polish sale was a huge success. We raised over two-thousand dollars for S.T.O.P. Yay! Give yourselves a huge round of applause. 77.
The Greek Chorus applauds.
HANNAH Yes! You deserve it. Anyway, we have a service day coming up at the end of the month and right now I only have three people signed up. So raise your hand if anyone is interested in feeding the homeless this week.
Only Joni raises her hand.
HANNAH Um, seriously? I mean, does no one besides Joni give a shit about helping the poor people? Really?
A couple more hands go up.
HANNAH Thank you. Jesus F. Christ. OK. Ellie, send out another e-mail, (on time for once please) and I hope more people will respond to the doodle poll. Especially those who have like zero GIN points, [Kate]. You don’t want to get evicted! Anyway, that’s it.
Ellie types up the notes.
LEIGH Um, Ellie? We don’t have all day.
ELLIE I know, sorry, I just- um, ok. Last: health and lifestyle. Leigh.
LEIGH Hey y’all. So I know we’re all calorie-conscious, which is good, but if you’re going to drink, don’t try to reduce on food calories. That never works. Just maybe opt for a vodka soda instead of a gin and tonic. And while we’re talking about calorie counting, I want to encourage more people to join the “Theta Beta” group on MyFitnessPal. It’s really important to eat healthy, ladies. And it’s fun when we all can like each others’ status and stuff. Like it sends you notifications to your phone like “Congratulate Leigh! She burned 300 calories from doing forty-five minutes of horseback riding.” It’s super fun. Anyway, there’ll also be a few group sign-ups floating around this week for yoga and cycling, so be sure to check your e-mails. K.
ELLIE Is that it? 78.
LEIGH Yup. Oh, wait. So I hate to bring this up again but Bill had to come again this month to clean out the pipes because they were clogged with vomit. Making yourself throw-up is NOT, I repeat NOT, a healthy way to maintain weight. First of all, it’s terrible for you. But second of all, purging is not even an effective way of removing calories from the body. So just don’t do it. Join MyFitnessPal instead.
ELLIE OK. Well thank you everyone. I’ll* / send the minutes around, so be sure to check your email. Or don’t I guess, and I’ll send another reminder. Oh, and the doodle poll. And for the record, Hannah, they’re always on time. Like I send them in at least an hour before they’re due. Always. I have like fifteen alarms set on my phone. Does anyone ever even read my emails? Cause, like, I work really hard. I’ve been ranked number one in GIN points all year. I’m Standards Chair and secretary and no one really seems to care. No one seems to notice that I have two positions, two shit positions. On top of all my other stuff. Can anyone even hear me right now? Blah blah blah blah blah. I’m bleeding from my vagina right now. There is literally blood descending from my uterus right now.
*Everyone starts packing up to leave. Some exit. Zoe and Kate’s conversation is simultaneous with Ellie’s monologue above.
ZOE Did you hear what Leigh just said?
KATE Yeah. Myfitnesspal woo!
ZOE Our toilet’s clogged again.
KATE So? I pooped. Sue me. Everybody / poops.
ZOE Just Stop, Kate. It’s not like you can’t afford to get treatment.
The general chatter continues. Hannah approaches Joni, who’s packing up her backpack. Ellie is still talking, and no one is listening. People continue exiting. 79.
HANNAH Hey. I just wanted to say, um, thanks for signing up for the service days.
JONI Oh. Yeah.
HANNAH And sorry about standards. I didn’t know that... I, uh. Want to go to the movies or something tonight?
JONI Oh, uh. Sure. Yeah.
HANNAH Cool. I’ll text you.
Hannah exits. Kate observed this conversation. A moment of guilt and recognition. Then Kate exits.
Everyone besides Joni has exited at this point. Ellie is still talking.
ELLIE Does anyone even see me? See me? See me? See me?
JONI Thank you, Ellie.
ELLIE Um. Yeah, sure. Sorry.
JONI No, it’s... Thanks. 80.
ANAGNORISIS, OR REAL TALK IN DOWNWARD DOG
The foyer of the Theta Beta House. It’s been transformed into a makeshift yoga studio. Yoga mats are spread on the floor throughout. The Greek Chorus is in downward dog position.
LEIGH Now let’s move slowly into Happy Baby Pose. Lie on your back.
The Greek Chorus slowly moves into Happy Baby Pose.
LEIGH Good. Now breathe in, and out. In and out.
About thirty seconds of silence.
HANNAH God I’m starving.
BEE Ugh me too.
HANNAH I think the Chef’s making salmon tonight.
ELLIE I thought Mahi Mahi?
VICKI Mahi Mahi was last Tuesday.
ELLIE Oh / right.
RACHEL Just as long as there’s no kale again. I’m so sick of kale.
BEE OMG hashtag me too!
ELLIE Bee! 81.
BEE LEIGH What? Oh... Girls! Focus on your breathing.
They focus on the pose for a few moments.
LEIGH And now, for those who can, let’s move into Crow.
The Greek Chorus moves into Crow Pose with varying degrees of skill. Some hold the pose for awhile, some fake it.
After about thirty seconds:
ELLIE Did you guys see Joni at Dirty Disney?
RACHEL Ohmygodyes. It was the first party she’s been to, like, / all semester.
BEE Yeah, she was / so brave!
ELLIE She really freaked out. I was / worried
HANNAH I saw her go to therapy this morning.
VICKI What?
HANNAH Yeah. I was getting an STD test/
ZOE I think it’s STI.
HANNAH Whatever. It’s in the same part of the health center as the mental health wing.
BEE / Are you OK? 82.
LEIGH Now let’s slowly move into plow pose. And for this one, try using your UJAYI breath. In through the nose, out through the nose. In through the nose, out through the nose. To build your tapas/
RACHEL Tapas! Ooh, yum./
LEIGH Your inner FIRE!
The Greek Chorus moves into Plow Pose, again with varying degrees of skill. The strained sound of breathing.
Twenty seconds of silence.
ZOE What are you going to say?
RACHEL What?
ZOE At your witness interview thingymajig.
RACHEL Fuck. I / don’t know.
ELLIE Mine’s tomorrow.
LEIGH Right ohmygod! What are you going to say?
HANNAH So much for breathing, Leigh.
LEIGH Hey, I can multi-task! And that’s it ladies. Let’s move into Savasana.
The Greek Chorus slowly moves into Savasana. 83.
LEIGH Now close your eyes, breathe naturally. Don’t think about who’s hooking up with who or what’s for dinner. Just try to relax.
Silence. They try to relax.
ZOE (whispering) So what are you gonna say, El?
ELLIE I don’t know.
LEIGH You don’t know? It’s tomorrow!
HANNAH Way to focus, Leigh.
LEIGH Fuck it. You don’t even lose weight in this pose.
HANNAH But the mind-body connection!
LEIGH Shut up.
They all sit up from their yoga mats.
ZOE It’s just, like, a lose-lose situation. We say we didn’t see anything, we abandon our sister and look like shit friends and, like, women. We testify with Joni...
HANNAH Bye Bye Greek Life. Can you even imagine next year’s Rush? It would be like our freshman / year
LEIGH But like ten times worse!/
HANNAH Right! “Um hi we’re Theta Beta and we’ve been banned from mixing with all the fraternities but like totally join us!” 84.
ELLIE Seriously? That’s what you’re worried / about?
HANNAH What? You’re not?
ELLIE No, I just... I don’t / know
HANNAH I feel terrible. Obviously. But no matter what happened, the University’s not going to do anything, and we have to think about us.
BEE What about Joni? She’s part of us./
ELLIE Yeah. I mean, we have to say something.
LEIGH Why? I wasn’t with her at the afterparty. So, like, what could I say?
BEE Adam was all over Joni that night.
ELLIE And I saw him kind of pull her upstairs / to
LEIGH Come on, Adam? He wouldn’t do that, he’s / a good
RACHEL Just because you have a massive crush on him, doesn’t make him a good person.
LEIGH Hey! I / don’t
HANNAH Don’t be mean / to her
RACHEL I’m not. I’m just giving, like, a reality check.
LEIGH Were you there? In his bedroom? 85.
RACHEL No, but/
LEIGH So then you don’t know. And you don’t really know him either.
BEE OK, but we know something happened. I mean, she’s been acting / different
LEIGH She could be overreacting, / getting the University
ZOE Yeah, I mean, shitty things happen to all of us and / we don’t
BEE / Zoe!
HANNAH Exactly! Like the number of times guys are SHOCKED when I scratch them in bed, because I’m supposed to be this like little doll / or something
LEIGH “Teach me the Kama Sutra, baby”
RACHEL BEE Ewwwwwww Wait really?
HANNAH And I didn’t go like report him/
ZOE Right, and like how many times did I tell Ryan like ‘get off me, I’m tired,’ and he was just like ‘come on it’ll be super quick babe’?
A beat.
RACHEL Zo, that’s like really fucked up.
ZOE What? No it isn’t. We were in love or whatever. It wasn’t... And it was super quick. 86.
HANNAH Yeah, I mean, hasn’t that like happened to all of us?
A long beat.
Longer.
They look at each other. A moment of recognition.
ZOE So, I mean, ok what do we say?
VICKI I don’t know what will actually help. Like, I feel like whatever I say will only hurt her more. She won’t even talk to me.
BEE Vicki, it’s not your / fault
VICKI No, I know.
RACHEL It’s my fault.
LEIGH What?
RACHEL I was the one that set her up. I feel... I just thought it would be fun. She could go crazy, loosen up a bit, make out with some hot dude, have a fun night.
ZOE No, Kate told me to keep an eye on her. But Ryan and I were, like, having this huge mega fight. And I didn’t even see her leave.
VICKI It’s not anybody in this room’s fault.
A beat.
LEIGH OK. So something happened. Why didn’t she come to us sooner? 87.
ELLIE She probably didn’t want to tell anybody./
VICKI It can take a long time to realize what, like, actually happened to you.
LEIGH OK, but then why didn’t she come to us once she realized or/
HANNAH Yeah! Like it’s like a GLOBAL problem, y’know? In today’s day and age, like why wouldn’t you just say something? Like isn’t it hashtag time’s up?
VICKI It takes a lot of bravery to be able to, like.../
ELLIE Yeah like some of those survivors were quiet for like YEARS.
RACHEL And I mean the system hasn’t really changed. Like headlines are all like cultural reckoning, crisis averted, problem solved, but, like / is it?
HANNAH OK. But I don’t get it. This thing happens and you go right to the University and not to us? Your sisters? We would have helped.
RACHEL Really? You would / have
HANNAH Yes! I love Joni! She signed up for all my service days.
LEIGH I know. And brought her whole class to flag football. But then she got super close to Kate and, like/
ZOE It’s not Kate’s fault.
HANNAH Just because she’s your roommate doesn’t mean you have to stand up for her. 88.
ZOE ELLIE I know, I’m not. We’re sisters. Aren’t we all supposed to stand up for each other?
HANNAH Only if she / stands up for us.
ELLIE There’s no ‘only’ in our By-Laws!
BEE Just, I don’t know. Maybe Kate’s the only one that’s been there for Joni.
ZOE It’s not that I don’t want to be there for her, it’s just that if we say publicly that Joni is right and the University does nothing as usual, he gets off scot-free/
HANNAH Right. And then we’re screwed.
LEIGH And like we’re not the fucking New York Times, you know? It’s not like Adam’s some bigshot Hollywood whatever. It’s college. We’re just...us. You can be, you know, a hot mess, whatever. You don’t need to be “OK” all the time.
ELLIE I know it’s ok now to be not ok or whatever, but what if you’re not ok being not ok? Like, what if you want to seem ok?
LEIGH ...What?
ELLIE Never mind.
LEIGH No, what were you / trying to
ELLIE BEE Nothing. What does Nationals think? 89.
VICKI They’re staying the fuck away. They’re all like hashtag metoo hashtag time’s up whatever, but they’re not actually doing anything. Like don’t they realize that it’s happening all over, to all of us? Like we’re all the same!
HANNAH ...We’re not all the same.
VICKI No no I know, I didn’t mean... like I mean.../
RACHEL That’s so fucked. Like they’re saying the system is broken and then like not saying how to fix it. Like what’s supposed to happen next?
BEE So... we can’t, like, ignore this actually awful thing.
HANNAH Yeah, but we can’t just show up and say like ‘Adam’s a / rapist’ without thinking about what that’s going to mean for the rest of us!
RACHEL You can’t just, like, tell her / what to say.
LEIGH We have to all be on the same side of this. We can’t / go in saying different things.
ZOE Ohmygod this is stupid, why are we / arguing about this?
HANNAH Because this is important, Zo! And you’ve just been like, la di da, ignoring / it, which maybe you can do, but we don’t all have that luxury
ZOE RACHEL I’m not ignoring anyone, I’m just trying to Don’t be rude, Han! like / avoid this huge fight
Ellie rolls up her yoga mat and heads for the door.
LEIGH She’s not being / rude! You’re being 90.
HANNAH Everyone SHUT UP!
Everyone notices Ellie at the door.
RACHEL Ellie, where are you going?
ELLIE I came here to do yoga. To build my freaking inner fire. Not to/
HANNAH El, we were just, like, trying to/
VICKI Help you.
ELLIE Well, um, thanks.
Ellie turns to the door.
BEE El, don’t go.
ELLIE I just... I need to study for...
Ellie fights back tears.
LEIGH Ellie. It’s us.
A beat.
ELLIE It’s just, um. My freshman year I went to this party and I was, like, kissing this guy. And he took me back to his room. I thought we were just going to keep making out. Maybe fool around a little. I was really drunk. But he started, you know. And I said no. He pretended not to hear me. Or maybe he didn’t hear me, I don’t know. (Maybe I didn’t even say it.) But I was already drunk and I felt bad since I had been kissing him all night. And if it was [rape] or whatever... like how could I have reported it? Who would have believed me? Like, look at Joni. 91.
If we don’t believe her, and she’s like picture perfect white girl, how on earth would...? So I just kind of lied there and waited for it to be over.
A long beat.
LEIGH Oh El. If you had told me, I would have...
ELLIE What? What would you have done? I love you, I love all of you, I do, but if I came to any of you, would you have done anything? Would you have even believed me?
A long beat. Another scarier moment of recognition. Silence.
They look around the room.
This silence should linger. It should last at least a minute. It should feel too long.
LEIGH Thay Bay Yoga Closing Ritual.
RACHEL Seriously?
LEIGH Circle up. Ellie, please come back.
Ellie hesitates. Hannah and Zoe make room between them, and Ellie sits. A moment of acceptance. Everyone holds hands. They squeeze each other’s hands extra hard. They look around at each other.
LEIGH Now let’s breathe together. In and out. In and out. Now on the exhale, let’s all release a little bit of noise. In... and / ahhhh
GREEK CHORUS Ahhhh. 92.
LEIGH Good. Now one more time. In... and.../ ahhh
GREEK CHORUS Ahhhhhhhhhh.
LEIGH Now on this final exhale, release anything you might be holding in. Anything that’s keeping you up at night. One big, audible release. In.... And.../ AHHHHHH!!!!!!!
GREEK CHORUS AHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PERIPETEIA, OR FUCK, IT ALL COMES BACK TO ARISTOTLE
A University Title IX Hearing. Another musical Title IX mash-up.
Bee, Rachel, Zoe, Ellie, Hannah, Leigh, Vicki, and Kate stand in front of the Investigator.
The Investigator bangs a gavel.
No sound.
The Investigator bangs her gavel again.
Then Ellie steps forward. 93.
ELLIE Hi. I’m Ellie Hart. I’m a sophomore and a sister of Theta Beta, Chapter Beta Theta. I was at the Theta Beta formal with Joni and Adam. And I know what it’s like to have something happen to you and not want to talk about it. It’s hard to do the right things, the things that we’re supposed to do when things like this happen. Because, no offense, but you make it really hard. The system’s, like, actively working against me. So honestly it’s not my job to make my trauma palatable to you.
BEE I heard Adam tell his friend Sam at the after party that he wanted to [fuck] Joni. But Joni kept saying she didn’t want to go home with Adam. I should have said something right away. Joni’s my sister! But I don’t know. I guess I was scared of like what other people would think? Whenever I voice my opinion, I get made fun of. And this just seemed, like, too serious to...
RACHEL Joni was really insistent the whole night that she didn’t want to sleep with him. She just wanted to dance with us. Which I get. I mean, when I get really drunk, I... you know what? I don’t have to fucking tell you my story. I don’t owe you my story. Sorry, am I allowed to say fuck?
ZOE I was supposed to watch Joni that night. But I was fighting with my boyfriend well, ex- boyfriend, and just, like, not paying attention. And ever since I’ve just been like la di da ignoring this horrible, horrible thing. Because I was too caught up in my own shit. But I can’t ignore this anymore. I know I can’t. So here I am.
LEIGH I’ve had a thing for, uh, Adam for years. So when I heard, it’s like... you know he was someone I loved. Someone I put on this pedestal. And it’s hard to believe that a person you think is this, like, God, that they’re capable of... But if I’m being honest, Adam is [capable.] He’s super charming, don’t get me wrong, but he tends to treat women kind of like dirt. Like he makes me do things for him all the time, just because he knows I like him and I would. I would have done anything for him.
VICKI Joni came to me towards the beginning of this semester. She was really distraught. I told her how hard this process is. She told me that she said “NO” and “STOP” and that she woke up bleeding. I should have come to the University right away, but I didn’t want to put her through what I went... I wasn’t sure, I’m not sure honestly, how much this will help. 94.
HANNAH With my own eyes I saw Adam kind of corner Joni when she went into the bathroom. I didn’t think twice about it honestly because who hasn’t been cornered by some dude when they try to go to the bathroom? But we can’t put up with this shit anymore. Just because the world tells me my body matters less than other peoples’ bodies, doesn’t mean it’s ok. It’s not ok. It is not ok.
A beat. The Investigator bangs her gavel.
INVESTIGATOR The case is pending.
GREEK CHORUS (not in unison) The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending. The case is pending.
PARABASIS, OR CRAP THIS MASK IS ITCHY
Val takes off her “Investigator” garb. We should think she’s talking to Kate, but she’s really addressing the audience.
VAL A letter I never wrote you:
I think there was a soap opera playing in the background on TV. I couldn’t see anything, my eyes were like [foggy] but I could hear my Mom talking on the phone. And I thought, am I in a soap opera? Has my whole life been a bad soap opera?
But then the film slowly clears from my eyes, and you’re whispering in my ear, “Please don’t leave me bug, please don’t leave me.” And doctors are poking things in my arms. And a man is checking my vitals. And girls in heels are yelling “is she dead?” I’m not me. I’m not me. This can’t be me?
My body aches and aches. It’s full of holes. Hundreds and hundreds of holes. And I feel so metaphorical, I’m afraid I might never become literal.
And suddenly I’m eight years old. And Laurie didn’t invite me to her birthday party, but I told my Mom she did, so I’m standing outside the bowling alley freezing for hours. I count my goosebumps until my Mom will pick me up again. 95.
And then I’m back, and I’m eighteen years old and the room is spinning and my body is full of holes and I’m in a hospital. And I’m me. I know I am me. But this can’t be me, can it?
Because I had such a clear idea of how my life would play out. I would have never bought ecstasy from a dude I barely knew in SigChi. I would have never taken so much ecstasy I almost died. I would have never wanted to die. But I feel the things that have always been so clear to me, slipping, slipping.
And I try so hard to make myself ‘me’ again. I try so hard. But I slipped through the holes somewhere along the way, so I have to start over. And I start over and I start over and I start over. I start over every single day.
You told me I’m a lucky girl because you assumed I am still alive.
I am not lucky. But still, I am trying to survive. All these girls in all these houses, we are all just trying to survive.
~
This is another testimony. My testimony. You might be sick of hearing these stories. I’m sick of hearing these stories. I’m sick of telling these stories. Not because they are boring, or because they are commonplace – both of which might be true – but because there are so many. I have so many. My sisters have so very many.
PATHOS, OR CAN YOU SUFFER WHEN YOU’RE SNUGASABUGINARUG?
Two months later. The final week of the semester.
The Theta Beta Sisterhood Sleepover. Sisters are all asleep in sleeping bags on the ground floor of the House. Kate and Joni’s sleeping bags are next to each other.
Kate can’t sleep. She sits up, stretches.
JONI Kate?
KATE Joni, ohmygod, did I wake you? 96.
JONI No, I’ve been up for a while.
KATE (slinking back down to sleep) Sorry, I’ll/
JONI No, it’s fine.
A beat.
KATE It was really sweet that Bee planned this sleepover, but ohmygod my back hurts.
JONI You’re just mad my team kicked your team’s booty in charades. It’s fun to be in a sleeping bag on the floor. We’re snugasabuginarug.
KATE What?
JONI Nothing. It’s just something my Dad used to say to me as a little muffin. When he tucked me in.
A beat.
KATE How are you feeling about tomorrow?
JONI Um. Trying not to think about it.
KATE Yeah. Sorry.
JONI No. It’s... Thanks for asking.
KATE Do you want me to come with? I know it’s been a while / since-
JONI If you want. Vicki and Ellie are coming, though, so you don’t need/ 97.
KATE You should go with them.
JONI I’d like you to be there, if you want to.
KATE Always, J.
A beat.
JONI Kate?
KATE Yeah?
JONI I know that no matter what happens tomorrow, whatever the University decides or whatever, I still... Never mind, I shouldn’t have.. I mean, I’m feeling better. I am.
KATE J/
JONI I am. It’s ok.
KATE No. It’s not ok.
JONI Yeah.
KATE It’s not. But I’m here. And you’re snug as a bug in a rug.
Kate hugs her through her sleeping bag. A beat. A smile.
KATE Oh! Wait, one sec. 98.
Kate disappears upstairs. After a few moments, Kate returns with a pint of Dreyer’s slow- churned vanilla ice cream. She hands it to Joni.
JONI Kate!
KATE I know it’s not high school, and I’m not your Dad, but, um. Dreyer’s slow-churned vanilla, right?
JONI Perfect.
KATE I bought it when... and I’ve been saving it. I just didn’t know if you’d want to...
JONI Thank you. This is...... Kate, I’m really sorry.
KATE Me too. You said I wanted to be left alone.
JONI I was / just-
KATE I don’t. I don’t want you to leave me alone.
JONI I won’t. I’m here. I mean... I’ll be here.
KATE Thanks.
JONI I’ll be living down the hall next year anyway.
KATE Wait what? 99.
JONI Perks of being the new philanthropy chair.
KATE Oh right.
Joni eats in silence. She contemplates offering the ice cream to Kate, but thinks better of it.
KATE I don’t think I’ll be living here next year.
JONI What?
KATE Yeah. I think I’m going to deactivate. From Thay Bay. I don’t think this place really brings out my best... I just think that if I’m not so caught up in all of this, I can be better... for you. For everyone. ... Will you hate me? J?
JONI No. No, of course not.
KATE Really?
JONI Yes. I mean, I can’t say I’m not... I mean, I’ll miss you. I missed this. A lot.
KATE You’ll still see me.
JONI I know, but it’s not... If that’s what you want, though, then I think you should.
Joni hugs Kate through her sleeping bag.
JONI It feels weird - being in a sleeping bag, playing Charades, eating ice cream. 100.
KATE Yeah. Like we’re playing dress-up or something.
JONI Yeah.
A long beat.
Kate laughs.
JONI What?
KATE I’m just imagining you next year in like full on Rush mode bitching to me about all the new freshies.
JONI Shut up. We won’t be paying each other to be friends anymore, so who knows if it’ll stick?
KATE Ha ha. And I’ll leave my crappy ass dorm room and be like walking down Greek Row, in like jeans and a T-Shirt, and I’ll see you in front of the mansion all perky and smiley, singing like (chanting) I am a T
The Greek Chorus suddenly opens their eyes and claps twice.
GREEK CHORUS (AND JONI) I am a T-H * I am a T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A And like the D-O-V-E, I will F-L-Y And I will L-O-V-E-T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A
*As the Greek Chorus continues to chant, they slowly help each other pick themselves off up the floor. They are exhausted and it should be extremely difficult. 101.
GREEK CHORUS (AND JONI) I am a T I am a T-H * I am a T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A And like the D-O-V-E, I will F-L-Y And I will L-O-V-E-T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A
*As they cheer and pick themselves up, Kate gives Joni a wave. Joni waves back and smiles. Kate exits the stage.
GREEK CHORUS (AND JONI) I am a T * I am a T-H I am a T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A And like the D-O-V-E, I will F-L-Y And I will L-O-V-E-T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A
*As the Greek Chorus continues to chant, they slowly start to help each other get ready: they dust each other off, fix each others’ hair, straighten each others’ clothing. They face front.
For this final chant below, we see them as we did in the prologue: they’re posed in the traditional sorority squat and they erupt in a full song and dance routine, with hair flips from side to side.
It is September of the following school year.
This chant is fierce, determined, triumphant.
GREEK CHORUS (AND JONI) I am a T I am a T-H I am a T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A And like the D-O-V-E, I will F-L-Y And I will L-O-V-E-T-H-E-T-A-B-E-T-A
The lights fade on the cheer.
END OF PLAY.