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Free Speech at Tufts

INSIDE: SYRIA H EGYPT H RUSSIA H FOREST FIRES

A Student Publication Tufts’ Journal of Conservative Thought April 4, 2012 F r i d a y , Se p t e m b e r 3, 2010 1 Want to work for a publication?

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2 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e V o l . XXVIV • Th e Jo u r n a l o f Co n s e r v a tiv e Th o u g h t a t Tu f t s Un iv e r s it y • No . 10

departments Editorial 4 Freedom from Censorship Features 5

Cartoons 6-7

Fortnight in Review 8-9

Notable and Quotable 20

o p - e d

The Future of Syria 10 by Chris Piraino • Annan’s peace plan is an important step forward.

The Illegitimate Assembly 11 by Brianna Smith • Egypt’s Constitutional Assembly is not representative of Egyptians.

From Prometheus to Uncle Sam 14-15 by Aaron Pendola • How political environmentalism hurt the environment.

Obama’s Etch-a-Sketch 17 by Timothy J. Lesinski • Obama’s remark to Medvedev reveals his post-election plans.

Ideological Monolith 18 by Jonathan Danzig • Students ignore unfamiliar ideas at their own peril.

s p e c i a l s e c t i o n s

Know Your Censorship 12-13 Be aware of what you’re fighting.

Spot the Fallacy 16 How does logic even work?

Cain’s Campain for Change 19 TheSource ’s attempt at ad design.

W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 3 T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e F r o m Th e Ed i t o r Freedom from Censorship THE PRIMARY SOURCE Tufts University is on a list of the top such as NQR reveal the power and brutality

U M N twelve worst schools for free speech once inherent in a coercive speech environment. U again. The annual list is created by the Foun- I agree with many advocates of anti-ha- V O E L dation for Individual Rights in Education rassment policy that we should be able to live R O ITA E D (FIRE), and takes into account many factors, free of fear that we will be attacked or insulted S SIN including legal actions and policies put in based on our race, gender identity or presen- place by the universities’ administrations. In tation, religion, sexuality, or the host of other Th e Jo u r n a l o f Co n s e r v a t i v e the 2006-2007 school year, the Source pub- things that are inherent to our self-concep- Th o u g h t a t Tu f t s Un i v e r s i t y lished two pieces that were censured by the tions. But the way to achieve a tolerant and University. The first was the infamous carol open campus is through education and social Br i a n n a Sm i t h Editor-in-Chief about affirmative action, and the second was change, not through legal coercion. When the a special section about Islamic Awareness university administration is allowed to restrict Managing Editors Week. The administration responded to these one form of expression, that gives it the prec- Ch r i s t o p h e r Pi r a i n o • National pieces by charging the Source with harass- edent to restrict other forms. That has been Ti m o t h y J. Le s i n s k i • Society ment, rescinding our right to publish anony- played out in many cases on FIRE’s list: Uni- Em m a Ho l l i d a y • International mous work, and threatening our budget. With versity of Cincinnati only allows free speech the legal help of FIRE and the American on one small area of its campus, where all Assistant Editors Civil Liberties Union, we were able to appeal demonstrations and petitions must take place; Ma r k Fi n d a r o • Society most of those restrictions, but the harassment Michigan State University prohibits unsolicit- Contributors charges still remain on record. ed emails sent to more than ten people; Johns Si n c l a i r St a f f o r d Most of the time when you hear about Hopkins enforces a civility code that censors Br i a n Yi • Aa r o n Pe n d o l a these incidents, it is in the context of the “uncivil, ‘tasteless’ and insufficiently ‘serious’ Ch a s e Co l o r a d o • Pa u l Sc h n e i b l e Source’s poor conduct. Personally, I agree. speech.” We cannot allow speech restrictions The Source should not be used as a vehicle of this magnitude to come to Tufts. Cover Artist for racism or other forms of prejudice, no Sometimes it is necessary to check yourself, Su z i Gr o s s m a n matter the motivation or intended effect. but speech monitoring should occur within the Business Manager But the administration’s conduct also left private domain, not as instituted by some out- Au s t i n R. Be r g something to be desired. Tufts University side body. To take a recent example, Sam Dan- has nearly unparalleled power in controlling iel’s Daily op-ed on racism at Tufts has been Editor Emeritus the lives of its students: what we see, what the subject of much controversy. While this op- Jo n a t h a n Da n z i g we hear, what we say. The administration’s ed was also submitted to the Source, we chose reaction to the Source’s misconduct revealed not to print it, in an instance of self-monitoring. Special Thanks that they could not be fully trusted with this The Daily decided to publish Daniel, and they Tu f t s Un i v e r s i t y Un i t a r i a n Universalists Co l l e g i a t e Ne t w o r k power. No media entity should be forced should not be punished for doing so. Students Le a d e r s h i p In s t i t u t e to rescind anonymity or have its funding who disagree with Daniel also have the free- USBIC Ed u c a t i o n a l Fo u n d a t i o n threatened, merely because those in power dom to do so vocally, and students who feel Fo u n d a t i o n f o r In d i v i d u a l Ri g h t s do not like what the media has to say. harmed by his opinion can discuss why and i n Ed u c a t i o n Going beyond this incident, Tufts Uni- seek resolution. But the administration has no versity’s record on free speech is not much place to interfere. better. In 2008, Tufts instituted a new speech Good intentions created most of these code, which severely limited speech under speech policies. When we feel injured by the guise of preventing harassment. Admin- some statement, it is easy to say that the state- istration policies such as bias incident re- ment ‘shouldn’t be allowed.’ But when speech porting and BEAT Bias (now SPEAC) have is restricted, we are all diminished. We must also been used to limit speech on campus. all work to promote freedom on campus, un- Finally, the use of police forces and threats bounded by university restrictions that can of expulsion to suppress university traditions only result in silence. Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e i s a n o n -p r o f i t , s t u d e n t publication o f Tu f t s Un i v e r s i t y . Th e o p i n i o n s e x p r e s s e d i n o p -e d s , f e a t u r e s , p h o t o s , c a r t o o n s , o r advertisements a r e s o l e l y t h o s e o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l a u t h o r (s) o r s p o n s o r (s) a n d d o n o t necessarily r e f l e c t t h e v i e w s o f t h e e d i t o r s o r t h e s t a f f . Tu f t s Un i v e r s i t y i s n o t responsible f o r t h e c o n t e n t o f Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e , n o r i s Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e responsible f o r t h e c o n t e n t o f Tu f t s Un i v e r s i t y . Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e w e l c o m e s a l l l e t t e r s . We r e s e r v e t h e r i g h t t o e d i t o r t o d e n y publication t o a n y l e t t e r b a s e d o n i t s l e n g t h o r c o n t e n t . An y l e t t e r t o a n i n d i v i d u a l w r i t e r c o n c e r n i n g w o r k p u b l i s h e d i n Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e m a y b e p u b l i s h e d o n t h e l e t t e r s p a g e . Le t t e r s o f 400 w o r d s o r f e w e r h a v e a g r e a t e r c h a n c e o f b e i n g p u b l i s h e d . Pl e a s e d i r e c t a l l correspondence t o : Tu f t s Pr i m a r y So u r c e @Gm a i l .c o m or Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e , Ma y e r Ca m p u s Ce n t e r , Tu f t s Un i v e r s i t y , Me d f o r d , Massachusetts , 02155. Al l l e t t e r b o m b s a n d /o r m y s t e r i o u s w h i t e p o w d e r s w i l l b e r e t u r n e d t o s e n d e r . ©2011. Al l r i g h t s r e s e r v e d .

4 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 10 Ye a r s Ag o T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e

Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e Ap r i l , 2002 Ten years ago, the annual Issam M. Fares lecture was held featuring Bill Clinton for the first time. As al- ways, Clinton talked about the Mid- dle East, in particular the Israeli- Palestinian conflict that is still going on ten years later. During Clinton’s introduction, Fares talked about how Israel was an “international outlaw,” refusing to obey the UN. In response, Clinton decided to change what he was going to say...

srael, said Clinton, was ready for “Ipeace. Israel offered Arafat all he could ever expect, and he turned it down. Clinton has good reason to be angry with Arafat—by refus-

10 Years Ago... Years 10 ing the offer, he denied Clinton his legacy as the man who could have brought lasting peace to the Israelis and Palestinians. Clinton also de- clared that if everyone who claimed to be Palestinian were allowed into Israel, Israel would cease to be Israel, but rather yet another Arab state.”

- Tal Dibner, LA ‘02

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6 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e

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W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 7 T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e F o r t n i g h t i n Re v i e w

Comedy is allied to Justice. ­—Aristophanes

PS Money in the bank: The United States Mega Millions PS Important research abounds: Scientists at the Snow just had the largest lottery jackpot ever - $640 million. The and Avalanche Research Center in Davos, Switzerland, are nationwide lottery had participants from forty-two states, beginning a new project that will prove vital to the world: and Americans spent approximately $1.5 billion on the finding out why ice cream gets all weird if you leave it in lottery (or about double the prospective jackpot). There the freezer for too long. With assistance from Nestle, the were three winning research center is tickets sold, and the pot taking a break from will be split between the its normal, life- ticket holders when they saving work on come forward. Lindsey avalanches and snow Levitan, a professor at safety. In other news, SUNY Stony Brook, the Davos World took this opportunity to Economic Forum point out that the odds has announced its of winning the lottery topic for next year: are the same whether whether those debit you buy a ticket or not cards with your face – with a small margin of on them are actually error. Congratulations useful at all. to the winners on being part of that error! PS Borat is still Top 5 Reasons to watch The Hunger Games going strong: A PS It’s like the Oscars: shooting competition Vladimir Putin, flush in Kuwait ended in with winning his disaster for the gold election as president of medalist, a woman Russia, has announced a 1) Because you like popular things (that aren’t Twilight). from Kazakhstan. new prize for everyday 2) Because you like to pretend that you are literate. When she stepped Russians: Best Worker. up onto the podium, There will be a cash 3) Because you want to learn how to survive after the apocalypse. the officials played prize of over $10,000 4) Because you haven’t seen Battle Royale in a long time. the national anthem for the best welder, from Borat instead stonemason, electrician, 5) Because you like to see teenagers kill each other in violent ways. of the real one. miner and lorry driver Borat is banned in in all of Russia. There Kazakhstan, due to will also be prizes for its offenses against the top two runners-up. the Kazakh people. It’s unclear what the criteria The actual excuse will be for winning, or why offered by the officials these particular professions were chosen. However, that was “we downloaded the wrong song from the internet.” didn’t stop thousands of construction workers and other non-eligible blue-collar workers from trying to change careers as quickly as possible. PS Technology is crazy: The internet went wild last week over a youtube video depicting a man flying, unaided except PS Chickens are the enviroment’s best friend: Pince, for a pair of huge wings made out of canvas. Jarno Smeets a village in northern France, is planning to give every claimed to have performed the feat using ‘wii technology’ household not one, but two chickens. The chickens are which coordinated his arm movements with the wings. A meant to reduce bio-waste by eating food scraps, reducing few days later, however, Jarno Smeets was revealed to be environmental and city costs. Tufts Recycles is looking into filmmaker and animator Floris Kaayk, who faked the video. adopting the program, but is running into trouble with Res “I can’t believe that many people bought it,” said Kaayk. “Wii Life. “It turns out that Yolanda King doesn’t want the dorms technology! For my next trick, I will run off a cliff and then filled with chicken sh-t,” said one senior. “She’s, like, so several metres into thin air. Then, I’ll have an anvil dropped unreasonable.” on my head, to no effect except perhaps a few humorous stars or tiny birds orbiting my head.”

8 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e

PS Superhero immunity: A man in Montgomery County, PS The case of the missing cat: Russian President Dmitry Maryland, was pulled over by the cops for missing plates. He Medvedev’s cat went missing this past week, prompting was driving a black Lamborghini with a Batman sign. Also he a number of people on Twitter to create an account in was dressed as Batman. The police have released a video of Dorofei’s (the cat) name. Many of the tweets made fun the incident where the man, identified as “Lenny” claims to of the nature of Medvedev’s political relationship with be on his way to the local hospital to entertain some children. President-elect Vladimir Putin. When asked why he ran The video also features the traffic officer asking if he can away, @KotDorofei responded, “It’s simple. I ran away take a photo with his fellow crimefighter, then singing the from Medvedev because he promised to hand me over to Batman song. Lenny was allowed to continue to the hospital Vladimir Putin. Help me hide!” Sadly, Dorofei was found without charge. a couple of hours later and was last seen trying to escape from Putin’s grasp.

From the Elephant’s Mouth

 Just what we need: Cornell’s David Harris has been an-  The So u r c e gets some good publicity: The So u r c e fea- nounced as Tufts University’s next provost. Dr. Harris has tured in the Daily recently, as we prepare to enter our 30th a PhD in sociology, and his studies focus on race and eth- year. So u r c e members who were interviewed spoke about nicity. Classes he has taught at Cornell include: Race and the need for dialogue, being a space for conservative stu- Policy, Research Seminar in Race and Ethnicity, dents, and the So u r c e ’s reputation among other stu- The Demography of Race, Racial and Ethnic dents. The Daily’s coverage was surprisingly posi- Identity, Introduction to Social Inequality, tive. Go us! Elementary Statistics, Race, Class, and Social Policy. The provost is the senior  TCU Senate is at it again: The TCU academic administrator at Tufts. If you Senate has passed a non-binding reso- thought that “Many Stories, lution to reduce the cost of attending One Community” was Tufts. Tufts has one of solid academic pro- the highest tuition rates gramming, then get in the nation, and many ready for a lot more students are forced to of it. take out multiple thousand- dollar loans to finance their  Those in glass houses: In a education. The Senate plans Daily op-ed, junior John Lap- to fix this somehow. “We in characterized Catholic clergy don’t have set solutions,” as “an army of sexually repressed said Associate Treasurer Ard men,” “defender[s] of pedophilic Ardalan. Meanwhile, Christie priests,” “archaic,” and “cruel” men Maciejewski said “maybe there’s who wear “gaudy vestments” and find not a solution that can be made im- joining the 21st century “a necessarily mediately or a solution that’s the impossible challenge.” He also called best, but someone has to start look- them bigoted. ing at it.” Finally, some Senators have privately admitted that tuition is an ad-  The unspoken truth: TCU Senate ap- ministrative decision by the university, proved a project that will try to improve which a group of students can unfortu- handicap accessibility at Tufts. Currently, nately have little impact on. Tufts is largely inaccessible – ramps are of- ten a long distance from stairways, and many  The El e p h a n t never forgets. buildings lack elevators. When tour guides at Tufts are asked about campus accessibility, they usually cough awkwardly and look away.

W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 9 a r t i c l e s TThh e e PPrr i i m m a a r r y y SSoo u u r r c c e e most likely have rejected it. The Syr- Annan’s peace plan is an important step forward. ian army has recently taken over rebel strongholds in Homs and Hama, and ac- cepting the peace plan now allows al-As- sad to “compromise” while still holding The Future of Syria onto all of the gains made in the conflict so far. In addition, accepting the peace plan makes it much harder for foreign countries to interfere in Syria. However, n INTERNATIONAL by Christopher Piraino if Syria does not follow through with the his past week, Kofi Annan, the beginning. From here, Syria must de- provisions listed in Annan’s plan, they TUN-Arab League special envoy to cide whether they are going to follow will be giving the foreign countries op- Syria, presented a six-part peace plan the peace proposal. posed to al-Assad a chance to intervene. to Bashar al-Assad, who is the Presi- The peace plan does not include the Syria still holds some sway with their al- dent of Syria. Syria officially accepted demand that al-Assad step down as lead- lies Russia and China, but that is slowly the peace proposal, but has not reduced er of Syria, a compromise that shows fading the longer this conflict goes on. the violence or begun working toward just how much Annan and the UN want Just two weeks ago the Russian Foreign any of the six points outlined. The Syr- to stop the violence that is continuing in Minister Sergey Lavrov said that Syria ian opposition and other activists have Syria. The peace plan would not have handled the initial peaceful protests “in- stated that Syria has accepted the peace been accepted had that demand been in- correctly,” perhaps signaling a break- proposal in bad faith and that the gov- cluded, as al-Assad continues to enjoy down in support. ernment is not will- the support of a sig- All of al-Assad’s actions in- ing to stop fighting Following through nificant portion of the dicate that his ultimate goal is to hold the rebels. The for- with Annan’s peace Syrian people. That onto his power as leader of Syria. With eign opposition to plan is perhaps the support comes from the continued support, however unwill- Syria is heating up only way al-Assad both the Ba’ath politi- ing, of a large portion of the popula- as well, with U.S. has of remaining in cal party and a number tion, it will be hard to force al-Assad to Secretary of State power. of minority groups leave. If the rebel groups and the U.N. Hilary Clinton within Syria. Many want to get rid of al-Assad, a legitimate meeting with the of these supporters are fearful of what alternative must be provided in order to “Friends of Syria” this past weekend, a would happen if al-Assad was forced appease the minority groups who fear group of countries that are determined out of power. For the Ba’ath’s, they fear the chaos of a Syria without a leader. By to end violence in Syria. Syria has to retaliation from accepting the choose whether or not they will abide rebel groups for peace deal, al- by Annan’s plan, or if they will risk the their strangle- Assad has at direct entrance of other countries on the hold on the po- least stemmed side of the rebels. This is a pivotal mo- litical power in the flood of ment in Syria’s future, and the actions Syria and their anger and calls al-Assad takes now will decide how the unfair treat- for interven- rest of this revolution plays out. ment of Syria’s tion by the UN, The peace plan that al-Assad has ac- citizens, and the giving Syria cepted contains six provisions: (1) An minority groups breathing room “inclusive political process” to address fear that a sec- in which they the concerns of the Syrian people, (2) tarian war will can maneuver. A commitment to stop fighting and us- erupt in the aftermath of the removal. Following through with Annan’s ing heavy weapons in populated areas, For all of these supporters, the stability peace plan is perhaps the only way al- (3) Allow for timely humanitarian aid, provided by having al-Assad in power Assad has of remaining in power. If he (4) Speed up the release of “arbitrarily and the fear of the unknown currently fails to comply with the directives, the detained” prisoners, (5) Allow interna- outweigh the repression and danger in- U.N. and the “Friends of Syria” will tional journalists freedom of movement, herent in al-Assad’s regime. almost certainly ramp up their support and (6) Respect peaceful demonstra- Bashar al-Assad almost cer- for the opposition. Time is also not in tions and freedom of association. All of tainly did not accept the peace proposal al-Assad’s favor, as the longer the con- these provisions are desperately needed because of a change of heart regarding flict goes on, the more support he will and are an important first step for both the revolution, but instead is using the lose from those minority groups and Syria and rebel groups. However, this is plan to slow down international actions others who still support him out of fear. not the end of the conflict, but another against Syria. In fact, if Annan had pre- When that happens, it will be almost sented this peace plan to al-Assad only a impossible for al-Assad to hold onto Mr. Piraino is a sophomore who is couple of weeks earlier, al-Assad would the reigns of power. n majoring in Computer Science.

10 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 a r t i c l e s T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e parliament and a major figure in the FJP. Egypt’s Constitutional Assembly is not representative of Egyptians. This is not a simple issue. The Islamist Members of Parliament (MPs) were cer- tainly elected with a mandate, and they have every right to help guide their coun- The Illegitimate Assembly try in this momentous time. As one Mus- lim Brotherhood leader, Abdul Khaleq al- Sharif, said: “Thirty million people elected those MPs. How come they shouldn’t be n INTERNATIONAL by Brianna Smith part of the assembly?” However, the dis- fter last year’s protests in Egypt re- of panelists are from Islamist groups. Of proportionate representation in the consti- Asulted in a regime change, it seemed the parliamentary panelists, twenty-five tutional committee could lead to minority that a new and better government would are from the Freedom and Justice Party rights being trampled and major shifts in be created in Egypt. The Egyptian people (FJP), the political party affiliated with the the power of various branches in govern- envisioned a democratic and representa- Islamic Brotherhood. Fourteen panelists ment. These questions should not be left tive government, which would truly ad- are from the Salafist Nour Party (another up to a small demographic of Egyptians. dress their concerns. But progress toward right-wing Islamist party), leaving only The United States cannot cast stones this goal has been mixed. Parliamentary fourteen panelists from other parties. without looking at our own past. The Con- elections were successfully held last year, This is troubling for many reasons. stitutional Convention was made up of fif- but the new regime is still dominated by Several of the Islamist panelists support ty-five delegates, all white men. The states the military, and protests continue. Now, adding more guidelines from Sharia law were disproportionately represented, and the Egyptian government is preparing to to the constitution. While this could be Rhode Island sent no delegates at all. write a new constitution. Unfortunately, done in a reasonable way, it is still impor- Many people at the time even questioned they are still walking a thin line between tant to have other Egyptians involved in the legality of a Constitutional Conven- representation and totalitarianism. order to counter-balance the religious mo- tion; our Articles of Assembly did not al- Last week, the Constitutional Assem- tivations of some panelists. In addition, low for a new constitution. Some would bly began the long task of drafting a new the constitution will also address minority argue that, despite all this, the Constitu- central document for their nation. One rights - an important issue in the diverse tional Convention produced a document hundred Egyptians are on the panel, nomi- nation of Egypt. The homogenous male that has served as a guide for a successful nated and approved by the Parliament. The Islamic panelists lack essential personal nation for more than 200 years. However, panelists have six months to draft a new experience that would give them insight this writer and others would point out that constitution, after which the document will in determining how and when minority the Constitution also perpetuated the rac- be voted on by the Egyptian people. Yet rights must be protected. ist institution of slavery, and allowed the only a week into the process, the Assembly The walkout panelists have pledged to disenfranchisement of women for over is already marred by controversy. Twenty create their own constitution. The Consti- 100 years. This is obviously not a model members from the liberal and secular fac- tution for All Egyptians Front plans to in- of the protection of minority rights for the tions of Egyptian politics left the Assem- clude a more diverse group of Egyptians, rest of the world to follow. A constitution bly, claiming it has been rendered illegiti- including more women, religious minori- written by a small segment of a nation’s mate by biased representation. Looking at ties, and young people. Protesters have population will almost inevitably result in the numbers, it is hard to argue. been organizing around government build- resentment and discrimination. The problems began when Parliament ings to show their support for the Front, In the end, the Egyptian people will decided to mandate that fifty of the pan- joined by the Union of Egyptian Writers, get a chance to accept or reject the new elists come from Parliament’s own ranks, the Cultural Constitution Movement, and constitution in a nation-wide referendum. with the remaining fifty panelists chosen many other political figures. Two more But this is something of a forced choice - from outside. Previously, more panelists panelists, including a liberal member of Egyptians will be opting for a flawed and were to be chosen from outside Parliament, the FJP, left the Assembly at the first ses- biased constitution, or another six months which would have opened the Assembly sion, when the Assembly decided to carry (or longer) of confusion and political tur- to more diverse array of Egyptians. The on despite missing 20% of its members. moil. Elections for a new President, for Parliament itself is 98% male and around Other members of the FJP and the Salafi instance, will not take place until after the 70% Islamist. Egypt itself is obviously Nour Party have been critical of the As- referendum, and it is unclear what would about 50% female, and Christians make sembly, calling for more discussion and happen if a new constitution did not pass. up a sizable demographic (about 10% of compromise before the Assembly begins. Either way, it would be a shame if the As- the population). Given the bias in Parlia- Nevertheless, the Assembly continues, un- sembly wasted six months drafting an in- ment, it is unsurprising that the majority hampered by the calls for change. Its first herently flawed document. The Assembly step was electing Saad al-Katatni as Com- must become more inclusive before any Ms. Smith is a senior who is majoring in Psychology, Political Science, and mittee Chair. al-Katatni is the speaker of more work is done. n German Studies. W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 11 s p e c i a l Se c t i o n T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e

Know your censorship There’s a lot of terminology involved in discussions about censorship, and we know that it can be confusing. To aid in you in discussing freedom of speech, the Source presents our guide to censorship. Some of these concepts already ex- ist on campus, and some of them are yet to come – but all of them restrict your right to expression one way or the other. Be aware of what you’re fighting.

Bleep Censors Bleep Censors restrict speech in media by blocking the sound of words that are considered inappropriate by the governing entity. Bleeping is very common in the United States – swearwords are bleeped out in TV shows, radio broadcasts, and even some inter- net productions, all under the control of the Federal Communica- tions Commission. We can only hope that these policies will not be expanded to real life: just imagine, a loudspeaker system on Tufts campus that drowns out any time a student swears or tries to talk about their sex life.

Book Burning/Newspaper Theft Book Burning and Newspaper Theft are related concepts centering on preventing the reading of certain material. Book Burning attempts to destroy all instances of a censored book, such as ideologically ‘wrong’ work, works by denounced authors, or pornography. Newspaper Theft refers to the mass theft and destruction of newspapers or magazines, in an attempt to prevent their readership. Book Burning isn’t really a ‘thing’ at Tufts, but think of Newspaper Theft the next time you see a batch of Sources being thrown in the recycling bins by an angry student. (Also, please fish them out again, we don’t have a big enough distribution budget to replace them.)

12 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e

Chilling Effect The Chilling Effect occurs when people are discouraged from exercising a constitutional right because of the threat of legal action. People may feel unable to speak freely because of fear of being charged with harassment, sued for libel, or otherwise accused of wrongdoing. This can result in self- censorship. If you’ve ever stopped yourself from saying something because you’re worried about getting in trouble with university administration, you’re suffering from the Chilling Effect.

Speech Codes A Speech Code is any rule that restricts free speech in addition to the existing laws governing expression. While often instituted with good intentions, these rules center on verbal offenses, a codification that is often use to limit speech based on abstract conceptions of incivility, blasphemy, and dissent. Tufts has a Speech Code in its harassment policies and its Freedom of Expression Policy, which charges that “Members of the Tufts community owe one another the basic respect and ethical obligations of human beings engaged in a common endeavor.” Well-intentioned, yes, but also vague and vulnerable to misuse.

Hecklers Hecklers try to prevent a speaker from being heard by shouting over them. Tufts has had its own share of disruptive students and questioners, usually at events with conservative speakers. Hecklers represent a difficult dilemma in free speech theory – how do you safeguard a speaker’s right to be heard while protecting a hecklers right to voice their opinion? But as a guideline, if you’re trying to prevent someone else from being heard, you’re probably not further- ing the cause of free speech.

Culture of Silence The Culture of Silence is so immersed in censorship that it no one ever thinks to speak about certain issues. We don’t normally talk about sex, or religion, or race, or gender. And when we do, it’s always with an air of transgression, or with the idea that we might soon go ‘too far’ and be stopped. All joking aside, reread the list above, then think about the Culture of Silence at Tufts – and how it harms all of us, regardless of our (expressed or unexpressed) opinions.

W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4,2012 13 A r t i c l e s T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e

How political environmentalism hurts the environment. effective. From 1946 through 1978 western wildfires were kept below 1 From Prometheus million acres, a significant improve- ment of the annual 2 million acre fires between 1917 and 1931 (Arno, to Uncle Sam Bunnell, 2003) However, the “War on Wildfire” did not only affect annual n NATIONAL by Aaron Pendola forest acres burned. H. H. Chapman, Dean of the Yale ost Americans are familiar safety standards on both public and School of Forestry, published a re- Mwith John Steinbeck’s citation private land. 13 years later, the Clark- search study in 1926 asserting the ne- of a famous Burns poem: “The best McNary Act of 1924 made forest cessity of surface burning in forests. laid schemes of mice and men / Often fire protection a federal responsibil- He claimed that frequent surface burn- go awry.” This phrase rings particu- ity, delegating fire suppression using ing promoted pine regeneration, sup- larly true for the federal government, federal funds to the pressed brownspot which has a historical record of caus- U.S. Forest Ser- disease in tree ing problematic “unintended conse- vice. Bureau of seedlings, and quences” in spite of good legislative Forestry member overall reduced intentions. The rule of unintended Elers Koch be- wildfire fuels consequences, popularized by soci- came an activist (Chapman 1926). ologist Robert K. Merton, suggests against the law, He hypothesized that perverse outcomes can occur publishing an es- that in the ab- despite contrary objectives. Merton say in the 1934 sence of frequent Journal of For- burns, forest fuels lists ignorance, error, and immediate estry in protest. would build up in interest as potential causes of unin- He claimed that a weakened for- tended consequences, and the legis- the development est making future lative process of the federal govern- of roads, fire lookouts, and other pre- fires more severe. Southern states put ment clearly depicts this sociological ventative measures destroyed the for- political pressure on the Forest Service concept in real life. A crisis incites ests much more than forest fires ever in the 1940s using Chapman’s scientific public demand for a simple solution could, and that the federal government evidence and opposition to Koch’s re- from the political system, in turn cre- was ultimately hurting the forests by ported “militarized forest.” The Forest ating another crisis and another call trying to protect them. The Forest Service reluctantly permitted southern to arms. This vicious cycle manifests Service bureaucrats in Washington states to control burning outside of the in countless operations of the federal D.C. responded to Koch’s outrage by 10 A.M. policy. The exception did not government; finding an alternative to firmly stating they would implement apply, however, to the west. politics as a way to address societal aggressive fire protection policies and Scientific outrage from the Journal problems is the reverse the “let of Forestry persisted anyway. Harold only way to stop A new “10 A.M. Policy” burn” approach Weaver wrote in 1943 that it was im- it. The inadequa- determined that every allowed to the possible to replace surface burning to cy of government single forest fire must be forest until then. curb the fuel buildup of the 10 A.M problem solving controlled by 10 A.M. the (Pyne 1982, policy and, although forest fires were can be explicitly following morning, oth- Arno, Allison- at an all time low, the policy would cre- seen in a case erwise more and more Bunnell 2003) ate massive fires in the future. Weaver study of the 1935 resources would be di- In 1935, na- teamed up with Harold Biswell of UC federal “War on rected to the area. tional resources Berkeley to begin a radical controlled Wildfire.” were directed to burning campaign to demonstrate its Starting as early as 1908, the U.S. firefighting in America and a strict positive effects for the ponderosa pine Forest Service flagged forest fires as a campaign by the Forest Service was forests (Biswell et al, 1973). Their growing crisis demanding political at- imposed. A new “10 A.M. Policy” de- civil disobedience encouraged other tention. The Weeks Act of 1911 at first termined that every single forest fire scientists during the 1950s and 1960s met public opposition, but paved the must be controlled by 10 A.M. the fol- to pursue their research and, ultimate- way for the Forest Service to set fire lowing morning, otherwise more and ly, the majority of scientific opinion more resources would be directed to sided with the original Journal of For- the area. At face value, the govern- estry’s 1934 plea. Mr. Pendola is a senior who is majoring ment-declared “War on Wildfire” was (Continued on Next Page) in German Studies and Economics.

14 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e

By the 1970s, the federal govern- fires occurring mainly in the West 40% of their income and send their ment could not keep up with the cost (Mcclendon, 2009). children to fight foreign wars than it of fighting wildfires and acknowl- In accordance with the vicious cy- is for them to rationally assess any edged the inefficacy of the program. cle, the federal government uses the sort of imposed government inter- Bureaucrats also began to admit that wildfire crisis to vention: any- the wildfire fuel buildup was a direct promote a new thing from how consequence of the 10 A.M. policy. agenda. “One rea- to fight wild- Part of this was due to the unprec- son why we have fires to educat- edented severity of wildfires occur- fires in California ing children or ring in the West: for example, the is global warm- even how roads Sundance and Trapper Peak fires in ing,” said Senate are built. In the Idaho (1967), the Wenatchee fires in Majority Leader meantime, cri- Washington (1970), the Carrizo fire Harry Reid in sis control such in Arizona (1971), and the Marble 2007. As he cham- as the “War on Cone and Hog fires in California pioned a compre- Wildfire,” the (1977) (Pyne 1982). Although the hensive energy “War on Pover- federal government accepted that bill going through ty,” the “War on the severity of these fires was in part Senate, the Sena- Drugs,” or the caused by the “War on Wildfire,” tor ignored the ‘War on Crime” the program proved difficult to scale failure of the fed- create unintend- back. After 60 years of shaping pub- eral government ed consequences lic opinion in support of the agenda to solve the same far outweighing through campaigns like Smokey the problem a century their intended Bear, the federal government was ago. The central benefits. The met with public opposition in sud- planners in Washington are using the government is incapable of solving denly promoting forest fires. global warming crisis to impose new most problems. People must reject The prophecies of the scientific demands on society. Merton’s warn- the political system as a means to ad- researchers were realized in full by ings of unintended consequences based dress issues facing society, even if 1988. Once nicknamed the “asbes- on ignorance, error, and immediate in- the government has always handled tos forest” due to low incidence of terest go unnoticed as one-size-fits-all them. The intention of fighting wild- wildfires, Yellowstone National Park approaches continue to be used by the fires is definitely noble, but as the blazed in a series of uncontrollable government. old proverb goes: “the road to hell is wildfires not resembling anything The “War on Wildfire” is just one paved with good intentions.” n that had been documented in at least example of Washington bureaucrats the past 100 years (Millspaugh, Whit- setting out to fix a problem, but end up lock, and Bartlein 2000, Romme and just making it much worse. The federal Are Wildfires getting Worse? Rus- Despain 1989). Homes, parks, and government’s model of finding one- sell Mclendon (2009) habitats now face a genuine threat all size-fits-all solutions to the diverse Flames in our Forest: Disaster or over America as the sluggish govern- issues facing society is flawed. Even Renewal? Stephen F. Arno, Steven ment repeal of when destructive Allison-Bunnell (2003) fire suppres- People must reject policies are iden- Fire in America Stephen J. Pyne sion policy re- tified, repealing 1982 lies on chang- the political system them consistently ing public as a means to address proves to be much opinion and an harder than pass- inefficient bu- issues facing society, ing new ones. Ev- reaucratic pro- even if the govern- ery policy initia- cess. Scientists ment has always han- tive shapes public still assert that opinion and in- the buildup of dled them. creases reliance wildfire fuels on the state, caus- over the 20th century led to the cur- ing people to continue to seek politi- rent state of U.S. wildfires: a never- cal solutions for societal difficulties. It before-seen series of severe forest is now easier for people to hand over

W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 15 s p e c i a l s e c t i o n T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e Spot the Fallacy On December 11, 2011, CBS News’s Steve Kroft conducted an interview with President Obama covering a number of topics. In typical political fashion, Obama’s responses are riddled with logi- cal fallacies. In this excerpt, Obama addresses his low approval rating. How many fallacies can you find? (Follow the numbers for our answers!) KROFT: Well, you do have 44% approval rating.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Well, there are a lot of people around the country. I was thinking in more personal terms. [1] There was a letter recently in the Los Angeles Times from a disillusioned Obama supporter, who was extraordinarily frustrated that I’d compro- mised over and over again. And the health care bill was a perfect example of compro- mise. We didn’t get the public option, you know? [2] We trimmed our sails.

KROFT: Well, a lot of Democrats feel that way.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: And then this person had gotten sick. [3] And because of the health care bill, they had health care. And the person wrote to the Los Angeles Times saying, “Since this health care bill saved my life, maybe I have a slightly different attitude about these things. [4]” And the point is that every day I’m meeting people, you know, young people who because we increased the Pell Grant and we stopped subsidizing banks in the student loan program and sent more money to kids, they’re able to go to college.

And every day we’re meeting a military family who says, “You know what? Because you reformed how the V.A. is doing business, or because of Michelle’s efforts in supporting us, things are a little easier, given all the sacrifices we’ve made.” [5] Or we’ve got Mom, who’s writing back, saying, “You know what? My son just came back from Iraq. Thanks for keeping your promise.” And so, that’s why I don’t have doubts, because those people tell me that in steady steps, not always as fast as I would like, we’re moving this country in the right direction. [6]

1. Anecdotal Evidence: Kroft’s claim is false because it is inconsistent with the coming anecdotes. 2. Appeal to Pity: Obama isn’t even getting what he wants and “we’re” all in this together. 3. Appeal to Fear: Fear of sickness makes Obama’s agenda justified. 4. Confusing Cause/Effect: This person’s life was saved by a doctor, not by a bill. 5. Appeal to Flattery: An objectively noble family supports Obama therefore his policies are correct. 6. Composition: Because certain individuals approve of Obama, his actions are justifiable.

Overall, Obama employs wishful thinking in that he considers himself to be justified despite a lack of objective evidence supporting him. He makes an appeal to consequences of a belief in that not supporting his policy agenda results in negative consequences like getting sick or staying in Iraq. This is also presented as a false dilemma in that the only al- ternatives to Obama’s policy are those same negative consequences. Unfortunately, Presi- dent Obama is just one of thousands of illogical politicians in the United States, charged with running our country. You can play this game with almost any one of their speeches.

16 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 a r t i c l e s T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e ing in the U.S. However, once he starts Obama’s remark to Medvedev reveals his post-election plans. to believe it to the point of basing for- eign policy on his own cult of person- ality, it endangers the United States. Obama’s remark also reveals much Obama’s Etch-A-Sketch about all of his policies. Obama’s plan, as shown by this speech, is to run down the clock until reelection, and then enact all of his unpopular n policies when he can no longer be INTERNATIONAL by Timothy J. Lesinski held accountable. Missile defense is n March 26th, President Obama of the Syrian uprising, is now murder- just the beginning. There are several Otold Russian President Dmitry ing his own citizens. other issues Obama is putting off until Medvedev something quite revealing In the current case, Obama’s remark next year. He has refused to make a about his presidency when he thought about flexibility is particularly dis- decision on the Keystone XL pipeline, his microphone was off. Talking about turbing because of who it was intended which would pro- the European missile shield program, for. While said vide the U.S. he said to Medvedev, “This is my last to Medvedev, with cheap Ca- election. After my election I will have the remark was nadian oil, but more flexibility.” This is troubling, clearly intend- which is also as it is a sign of how he will handle ed for Putin, as controversial issues—both domestic and foreign— shown by Med- because of the after the 2012 election. vedev’s reply more destruc- This remark shows Obama’s igno- “I will transmit tive extraction rant and dangerous attitude towards this information methods used foreign countries; he still believes that to Vladimir.” in getting oil because he is different from George W. Putin recently from the Tar Bush, and has reached out to the inter- ran for Presi- Sands. While national community more, he can solve dent on a platform of opposition to the Obama waits, Canada is planning all the world’s problems. As we have West and American intervention, so it on shipping that same oil to China. seen with Iran, Syria, and other coun- is disturbing that Obama is so willing Obama is also avoiding taking a stand tries that don’t appear to be listening to to cede important issues such as mis- on controversial issues ranging from Obama, this is clearly not the case. His sile defense to Putin. One of Putin’s immigration to taxes to gay marriage. Cairo speech in 2009 was touted as an largest speeches made an analogy of Once he no longer has to worry about outreach to Mus- the current state public opinion, Obama will be able lims and the This remark shows of Russia’s re- to do whatever he wants. Already, Arab world that lations to West- Obama’s compromise on contracep- would mend all Obama’s ignorant and ern nations tives is merely a promise that he will the damage done dangerous attitude to- to the Battle modify the policy before it goes into to relations by of Borodino, effect. Obama could easily try to im- the Bush years. wards foreign countries. where Russia pose a carbon tax, more regulations on Three years later, defeated an in- unhealthy foods, or any manner of un- the relations between the U.S. and the vasion coming from the West. This popular measures. Anyone, whether Middle East are just as bad, if not worse. language shows hostility to America they are supporters or opponents of Egypt overthrew its pro-American dic- that will not be solved by Obama’s these programs, should be alarmed tator in an uprising, and the new regime speeches. Russia has opposed taking by Obama’s ambiguity. The public is now detaining Americans. Despite any action against Syria, and consis- deserves to know before the election Obama’s efforts at negotiating, Iran tently blocks the UN Security Council what President Obama will do in his hasn’t stopped enriching uranium, and from taking action against Iran. The second term, if he is reelected. has merely bought time with endless fact that Obama indicated that he was While Mitt Romney has taken heat meetings while continuing its nuclear so willing to stop missile defense will for a campaign strategist’s suggestion program. Obama sent an ambassador make it harder to get anything in ex- that he will be like an etch-a-sketch back to Syria after the U.S. ambassador change from Russia (such as a vote in after the primary, at least Romney has was pulled during the Bush Administra- favor of sanctions on Iran or Syria) for articulated some opinions on issues. tion. Now Bashar al-Assad, referred to ending the missile defense program, Obama is running as a blank slate, with by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in and indicates weakness to the Rus- few indications of which policies he 2011 as a “reformer” in the early days sians in the future. President Obama’s will enact should he be reelected. This claim that he has rehabilitated Amer- strategy worked for Obama in 2008, Mr. Lesinski is a senior who is majoring ica’s image abroad is harmless when and will hopefully fail to work the sec- in Political Science and Greek and Latin. he’s using it as a method of campaign- ond time around. n W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 17 a r t i c l e s T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e plurality of respondents oppose the law, Students ignore unfamiliar ideas at their own peril and a near-supermajority opposes the individual health insurance mandate. The students in Healthcare in America are entitled to believe that a majority Ideological Monolith of Americans are wrong or misled on healthcare, but they are being unques- tionably deprived not to actually know anyone who personally believes that. n NATIONAL by Jonathan Danzig It is therefore reassuring that, espe- ait, you’re a Republican? No, live at Tufts are surrounded by ideologi- cially since the beginning of the Su- Wno, it’s fine, I have Republican cal dissenters, so the politically engaged preme Court’s oral arguments, many stu- friends.” At most top universities, the among them must be informed enough dents have come to this writer and other student body and faculty fall primarily to counter a room full of people who be- dissenters from Obamacare to ask, in all on the left. At Tufts especially, advocates lieve that they are wrong. In the context sincerity, “Why are you against Obama- of small government are so few and far of modern politics and culture, ideologi- care?” Supporters of the law cannot un- between that they are seen almost as cal one-sidedness serves to deprive its derstand how someone can be against a oddities; some students from liberal en- students of intellectual diversity, which law that aims to increase healthcare cov- claves are inclined to view their conser- should serve as a cornerstone of intellec- erage, lower costs, and increase cover- vative classmates as intruders from the tual thinking. age. Furthermore, less-enlightened parts of America. Once The impetus to its supporters, the initial shock wears off, however, cu- for writing this the individual riosity sets in; the initial “No, it’s fine” article is the Su- mandate is ap- is quickly replaced by “So, what do you preme Court’s propriate because actually believe?” The fact that such a hearing of the healthcare is a conversation is commonplace at Tufts is 26-state suit unique market. indicative of a large gap in higher educa- against Presi- In contrast, oppo- tion and in popular culture. dent Obama’s nents of the law In the past few decades, opin- healthcare law, believe that its ion polls of the American people are or “Obamacare.” ends and means roughly consistent on political ideol- The plaintiffs simply do not ogy: around 40% of Americans consid- and defendants have recently com- align; objectively, Obamacare is over er themselves “conservative,” around pleted their oral arguments, and now 2000 pages long, gives unprecedented 40% consider themselves “moderate,” the Supreme Court will rule. Until re- power to unelected federal bureaucrats and around 20% consider themselves cently, many on the left had confidently in the Health and Human Services De- “liberal.” Yet it is possible, at Tufts and predicted that this law—mandating the partment, and forces all Americans to other top institutions, to never encoun- purchase of a private product—is so ob- buy a product that they may not want. ter someone representing that 40% of viously constitutional that there is little Even without getting into the specifics of conservatives, from matriculation to point in even engaging the subject. Fur- the bill, those three attributes give Tufts’ commencement. The entire right wing thermore, they say, since healthcare is ideological minorities—and a plurality/ at Tufts is a scant minority. so important, it follows that Obamacare majority of Americans—pause. It may seem counter-intuitive, but the is the solution to American healthcare From New York to Los Angeles, the students who are hurt the most by this problems. But to believe that there is no left is predominant in popular culture. ideological monolith are those who fall logical opposition to Obamacare is to When surrounded by ideological coun- on the left. Right-wing students at Tufts live in an ideological vacuum. terparts, it is very easy to assume that any are often inclined to complain about the This writer asked a student in Tufts’ strong dissent is the product of ignorance cards being stacked against them, but the “Healthcare in America” class if there or bad faith; the idea of “You disagree case is ironically the opposite—it is the was a single student in the roughly with me, but you’ll agree after I educate left-wing students, who have been raised 160-member class that openly thought you.” In contrast, even in the reddest of in liberal enclaves and have never met a) Obamacare’s health insurance red states, right-wing Americans still see an informed ideological opponent in mandate is not a good idea, and/or b) the national news media, Hollywood, their lives, who graduate from college Obamacare’s health insurance man- and the television industry. As ideologi- without having their ideological beliefs date is unconstitutional. The student cal minorities everywhere are forced to challenged. Right-wing students who responded no, not that he knew of. In understand their ideological opponents, contrast, in many or most opinion polls Mr. Danzig is a senior who is majoring in so too should majorities do the same. International Relations and Spanish. taken of Obamacare, a majority or large Pluralism is an American value. n

18 W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4, 2012 h u m o r s e c t i o n T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e Cain’s Campaign for Change In honor of his upcoming appearance at Tufts and the popularity of his “Rabbit” ad, we at the So u r c e have a few suggestions for Cain Connections’s next ad:

Pikachu, I choose you... as runningmate!

Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan: The Movie

Nein! Nein! Nein! Stop the German Takeover of Greece!

This is the U.S. Economy: This is the U.S. Economy on the 9-9-9 Plan:

W e d n e s d a y , Ap r i l 4,2012 19 s p e c i a l s e c t i o n T h e Pr i m a r y So u r c e Tufts University Veritas Th e Pr i m a r y So u r c e sine Mayer Campus Center dolo Medford, MA 02155

No t a b l e a n d Qu o t a b l e

Both free speech rights and property rights The constitution must be in the hands of Yo, no one has any control over how belong legally to individuals, but their real all Egyptians, because it will for a long time they’re born, you fucking asshole bullying function is social, to benefit vast numbers chart the road Egypt takes internally and piece of shit. of people who do not themselves exercise externally. — Andrew Ti these rights. —Mohammed Hussein Tantawi —Thomas Sowell Saying goodbye is the hardest thing I’ve This is my last election. And after my ever had to do. I’m leaving with a heavy We have a massive system to regulate election, I have more flexibility. heart, a clear conscience and I have high, creativity. A massive system of lawyers —Barack Obama high hopes for the future. regulating creativity as copyright law —Rod Blagojevich has expanded in unrecognizable forms, I understand you. I transmit this information going from a regulation of publishing to a to Vladimir -- If I can’t put food on the table for my regulation of copying. — Dimitri Medvedev children, how can I pay for health care — Lawrence Lessig coverage? What moron came up with that Man is the only creature that dares to light idea? Gas prices are expected to continue to rise a fire and live with it. The reason? Because — Jan Gonzales throughout the summer, and oil companies he alone has learned to put it out. say it’s because of high demand due to —Henry Jackson Vandyke I’m not going to worry too much about warmer summer weather — as opposed to what Rick [Santorum] is saying these days. I what they told us a couple of months ago, Cuba does not know fear. It scorns the lie. It know that when you fall further and further that oil prices went up because of higher listens with respect. It believes in its ideas. behind you get a little more animated. demand for winter heating oil. So basically, It unshakably defends its principles and — Mitt Romney if there’s weather, gas prices go up. has nothing to hide from the world. —Jay Leno —Fidel Castro Accumulating data about you isn’t just a strange hobby for these corporations. It’s I seriously think that The Source is the All told, these profit levels have put the their whole business model. And you are most politically diverse of any campus world’s five largest publicly traded oil not their client. You are their product. organization. On a true spectrum of companies on track to earn more than — Al Franken on internet privacy political ideology, which would be total $100 billion before year’s end. Yet, at the state control on one extreme and anarchy same time that Big Oil’s bottom line is Last night, we heard promises, promises of on the other, we’ve got writers all over the going up, so are Americans’ energy costs. change, and today there are injured and map. —Alyson Schwartz martyrs, so how do you expect people to — Austin R. Berg believe these promises? Syrians today are I have been developing the Swanson saying, ‘We want to live in dignity,’ nothing It’s never too early to learn that the Pyramid of Greatness for years. It’s a more, nothing less. government is a greedy piglet that perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum — Yassar al-Ayte suckles on a taxpayer’s teet until they personal achievement. Categories have sore, chapped nipples. include: Capitalism, God’s way of Reform for all the colonialist Western —Ron Swanson determining who is smart, and who is countries is to give them all they want and poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and to abandon all the rights, and this will be I’m old, but I still know how to do my the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property their unattainable dream whether under job. rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. these circumstances and under any other —Pope Benedict Fish meat is practically a vegetable. circumstances. — Ron Swanson —Bashar al-Assad

24 F r i d a y , Se p t e m b e r 3, 2010