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The Undergraduate Magazine Vol. VI, No. 6 | October 31, 2005 Kill Skillz A Class Act Do You Still Sudoku? Stick Stickly Reincarnated Liz honors Halloween with a list of Who needs the Penn Course Review We do too don’t worry! Pauline takes on models, coke, and Greatest Killers when you’ve got Mickey Jou? sulky pallor. Page 3 Page 4 Page 7 Page 8 BITE ME SHELBY PRINDAVILLE SCHISM ON THE URBAN SLEEZE WESTERN FRONT Philly Politics 101 ANDREW PEDERSON | BRUT FORCE BY TIM POTENS THE NIGHT WAS parison, however, inevitably comes the ques- ON OCTOBER 20, Philadelphia City Coun- ears open for further news. still young in Lyon. tion I have learned to dread with a yawn. cilman Rick Mariano went up to the obser- Mayor Street is not free from scrutiny, At 11:30 p.m., in an « Dis-moi franchement. Que penses-tu vation deck on top of City Hall alone, setting either; he may not be accused of corruption old city apartment de Bush? » It never fails. Once every bland off a suicide scare and bringing the police right now, but he’s done his share of crazy overlooking the riv- pleasantry has been exhausted, my newest commissioner himself there to talk the coun- things. During the late 70s, before his days in er Sâone, I sat on the French friend looks around a bit, nervously cilman down. Now although it is unlikely politics, Street was a “social activist” who pro- floor around a low flicks out his cigarette and, barely meeting Mariano was suicidal (the observation deck tested the oppression of the poor by not pay- table drinking vod- my eyes, lets slip the fateful interrogative: is fully enclosed by glass after all), why would ing his gas bills for a few years. Then in 1981, ka shots mixed with “So. What do you really think of Bush?” It’s so many people immediately jump to the con- after being elected to the City Council, he got raspberry syrup and a few drops of Tabasco a loaded question, to be sure, and though I clusion that he was going to jump? into a fistfight with Councilman John Raffer- sauce, a particularly horrendous concoction lost count long ago of how many times I’ve Working in government should be an ty. This was after Street decried the Philadel- that the French refer to as a “raging hound.” answered it, every time it leads to a new con- honorable job, right? Anyone would be proud phia School District for being a black district I was the only American in a group of clusion. Over the course of perhaps hundreds to serve their city and improve the neighbor- run by whites and then heaved a tripod across about ten people, but with each sickly-sweet, of conversations, I have been alternatively hoods where they live. Why would someone the chambers. This is all not to mention the burning mouthful of “chien enragé” my for- redeemed as the liberalist Jesus of a new So- with this great opportunity want to kill them- repeated accusations of favoritism in award- merly awkward, heavily accented repertoire cialist State of Northern America as well as selves? Well if you’re not from Philadelphia ing contracts to his brother (and a former city of stock phrases began to morph into a har- branded the black corporate arm of the fascist those questions make sense; but here, things councilman himself), Milton Street. John monious river of perfect conjugations, deft Confederation of Militaristic Imperialism. are a little different. As it turns out, Mariano Street’s little rant about the school district idioms and sonorous pronunciation. At least To say that the French hate Bush is an un- was about to be indicted on corruption charg- wasn’t his only off-the-wall racial statement. that’s the way it sounded to my drunk ass. As derstatement. As a conservative, religiously es; he is accused of giving political favors to A few years ago, addressing an NAACP con- for my francophone companions, despite the based laissez-faire capitalist, he is the basic friends and businesses that helped to pay his vention, Street declared “the brothers and sis- occasional blank stare, they seemed to be get- antithesis of a liberal, conservationist mem- credit card bills. And this is not an isolated ters are running this city.” I could go on, but ting the point. ber of the French socialist party. In all of my incident; I’ve lived in Philadelphia my entire there’s a lot more Philadelphia government to Conversations between the French and time in France, I have not heard or read a good life, and believe me, there are plenty more discuss. me usually follow a limited number of per- word about the man. Surprisingly, however, tales of government mischief where that came Current Pennsylvania Governor Ed Ren- mutations. If we’re both students, as in the the fact that Bush is for the most part hated from. dell preceded Street as mayor. There aren’t majority of cases, we exchange mutually awk- worldwide (and as of recently, domestically), The most obvious place to start is with too many stories from his days running the ward visions of our futures. If, as is the case as well, the repeated requests I get for politi- questions of corruption inside City Hall. Over city; in fact, he managed to actually make about a third of the time, the Frenchman has cal apologies are oddly devoid of any related the last two years a corruption probe has been some real improvements to the city. It is ru- already finished his studies, he talks about his from of generalized anti-Americanism. launched against the Mayor’s office investi- mored that he started the snowball barrage job, while I try, in vain, to explain what the To say that the French in general hate gating whether some city officials were favor- at Veterans Stadium against Dallas Cowboys hell I plan to do with a degree in Anthropol- Americans is, and please quote me on this, ing friends (or friends by bribery) in awarding coach Jim Johnson, but, well, I’m an Eagles ogy (apologies to all my dear friends at the a boldfaced lie with no basis whatsoever in city contracts. Although Mayor John Street fan and I find that absolutely hilarious, so museum; it’s nothing personal). reality. Granted, at either end of the politi- himself is not under investigation, it was his we’ll move on. Rendell’s term as governor has After the boilerplate introduction of stud- cal spectrum one can find a healthy number office that was bugged by the FBI and two been slightly more eventful. His private limo ies/career, the conversation invariably turns of whack-jobs who are pursuing Jihad or its close associates of his who are the main tar- was cited for multiple violations of the speed towards our respective nations of birth. I give white, middle class Christian equivalent, but gets: former city-Treasurer Corey Kemp and limit on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, and in his a nostalgic, pseudo-poetic description of my few Americans take time to fully understand the late attorney Ron White. Affectionately first three months the Governor’s Office rung home state of Nevada (the one “right next to Europe’s thoughts on America outside the referred to as the “pay-to-play” scandal, this up a catering bill equal to that of the Ohio California”), and then listen patiently about usual binary thought trap that produced such investigation has captivated the citizens of Governor’s Office for the entire year. These Paris or Toulouse or Alsace or whatever. Out ideological jewels as “Freedom Fries.” The re- Philadelphia (or at least the newspapers) and may be just a few mild excesses, but they still of this seemingly innocent bit of cultural com- Continued on PAGE 5 is still ongoing today. Be sure to keep your Continued on PAGE 7 PAGE 2 OCTOBER 31, 2005 | FIRST CALL | VOL. VI NO. 6 FirstCall Editorial Vol. VI, No. 6| October 31, 2005 The Undergraduate Magazine THE SOCIALIZATION DILEMMA Editor-in-Chief Robert Forman There is only one real spectrum explaining how Penn students socialize: levels of self-segregation. Each person has some sort of ethnic identity, but what really defines anyone at Penn is how much Editors they stick to their own category or choose to venture out and meet others. Penn’s large student Andrew Pederson Lauren Saul body gives most sizable communities the option of staying away from anyone who is different. So much for those Penn brochures replete with pictures of perfectly balanced groups with the Assistant Editors token representatives of every ethnicity all wearing Abercrombie-style garb. Fundamentally, every Shira Bender Anna Stetsovskaya Penn student with an ethnic consciousness has to find a balance between staying with his or her own and getting the real education Penn offers: learning from intelligent, talented peers who don’t Columnists share the same life story. We all know of extremes on both ends of the spectrum—those who barely Shira Bender Christine Chen know anyone outside their identity group, and those who have no supposed identity group with Robert Forman which to shelter themselves. Adam Goldstein Penn’s housing setup, in addition to its sheer size, allows self-segregating practices to thrive. Mickey Jou Andrew Pederson The current system allows members of most sizable groups to avoid significant interaction with Lauren Saul any “outsiders.” This reality’s juxtaposition with the pile of diverse brochures in the College Thuy Tran Admissions Office is depressing.