The Change7 Insights Into Self-Empowerment

The Change7 Insights into Self-Empowerment

Jim Britt ~ Jim Lutes

With Co-authors From Around the World

The Change7 Jim Britt ~ Jim Lutes

The use of any part of this publication, whether reproduced, stored in any retrieval system or transmitted in any forms or by any means, electronic or otherwise, without the prior written consent of the publisher, is an infringement of copyright law.

Jim Lutes ~ Jim Britt The Change7

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ii Co-authors Emmy Agustin Gillian Skeer Kyle McCue Valerie Bernard Danielle M. Griffith Clay Nelson Amina Hedayat Khalil David Norris Dr. Tom Heemstra Lori Hanson David Campbell D Lee Lynnea Hagen Pascale Hennessey Keri Murphy Melody Taylor-Fliege Jorge Gutierrez Wendy C Li Christine Suva Sue Fries

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The Change is proud to support Good Women International Every five minutes, one American child (many as young as ten years old) will be abducted and trafficked into the sex trade. 274 children a day. 100,000 each year and that estimate could be low. The total current number of human trafficking victims in the U.S. alone reaches into the hundreds of thousands and worldwide into the millions. All profits from the sale of Amazon Kindle electronic books are being donated to Good Women International, whose focus is on the prevention of sexual exploitation of young women and children. They support self-empowerment and educational programs worldwide designed to educate our youth to avoid becoming a victim. A recent successful project was an anti-trafficking curricula for our high schools which is now complete. Enslavement is a reality. It is documented and it is real. The question is: What are we going to do about it? To make a donation to Good Women International, a non-profit subsidiary of Village Care International, go to: www.SupportGoodWomen.com All donations are tax deductible under Tax ID #: 88-0471768. We welcome and appreciate your donations no matter how small. http://GoodWomenInternational.org Note: Donations are never for salaries, as Good Women is a volunteer organization

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to all those seeking change

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Foreword

Berny Dohrmann, Chairman of CEO Space International To The Readers of The Change Series: Jim Britt has been a mentor to Chicken Soup authors, and to some of the foremost thought leaders on earth. Jim Britt’s groundbreaking work in Letting Go, releasing past traumas and betrayals in life to return once again to forward-looking manifestation within your full powers, has been instructing at leading Fortune companies and to standing-room-only seminars all over the world. For three decades, Jim Britt has been the “trainer of the trainers,” of which I am only one. Jim has been an instructor at CEO Space, the most prestigious, hard to get into faculty on the planet, where he developed millions of dollars of resources as he assisted others to develop tens of millions of dollars for their own dream making. Jim is the most “unchanged by success and wealth” man I have ever known. He is an unselfish archangel, like in his book Rings of Truth. Today, Jim Britt and Jim Lutes, along with many inspiring co- authors from around the world, bring a pioneering work to the market to transform your own journey into master manifestation. Their principles are forged on coaching millions on every continent. As you read, you are exploring self-development as the world has yet to practice. In fact, Jim and Jim’s publications lead to this one APEX MOMENT. Everything you have done to date in your own life, everyone you have met, every lesson you have learned, has led you to this one GREAT life opportunity… the moment of your own transformation into ever-rising full potentials. As a five time best-selling author myself, as a filmmaker, and with CEO Space, you can imagine how fussy I am to write a foreword to

ix The Change7 publications in the self-development space. CEO Space was just ranked by Forbes Magazine as the leading entrepreneur firm, which hosts five annual business growth conferences serving over 140 countries. It was also named by Forbes as THE MEETING in the world that YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO MISS. The world today demands more than a reputation defender to secure your forward brand; it requires that you take responsibility for your own brand and reputation in life. This book will inspire you to do just that. CEO Space International has supported launches for many amazing works, including Chicken Soup for the Soul; Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus; Rich Dad, Poor Dad; The Secret; No Matter What; Three Feet From Gold; Conversations With The King; and now the movies Growing Up Graceland and Wish Man (for Make a Wish Foundation); Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill and Sharon Lechter; Tony Robbins’ great publications; of course Jim Britt’s best-selling book Rings of Truth; and so many more. The totals have reached more than 2 billion eyeballs! You can’t play around with that Mount Everest of credibility that I guard like a bank vault! You can therefore appreciate why I encourage 100% of our followers of all the publications named to BUY JIM BRITT and JIM LUTES book series The Change as a customer recognition for your own ten-best close relationships or clients. But don’t just buy this book; rather, I endorse that you buy 10, and you giftwrap them to acknowledge your most important top ten relationships in life or clients in business. By doing so, you will retain more clients and encourage repeat buying. You may also receive more referrals and strengthen each relationship. The laws of giving will come back to you 10 to 1. When you give freely, you will always receive a rain into your life just as you rain into the lives of those you treasure. Jim Britt, Jim Lutes, and the insightful and inspiring co-authors have given you in The Change series a great opportunity… more important than pouring ice water over someone’s head on YouTube as a challenge for charity! The gift that keeps on giving begins when you step up and BUY 10, knowing you have been instrumental in inspiring 10 friends to live a better life. Together, we are going to reach 1 BILLION SOULS as we help Jim Britt, Jim Lutes, and their co-authors to achieve their goal to transform human consciousness

x Insights into Self-Empowerment in our lifetime. Like Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, the great Roger Anthony, and so many friends who have passed, my friend Jim Britt is now a historical event in every training, every publication, and every online work at CEO Space. If you ever have the opportunity, STOP YOUR LIFE and see JIM BRITT & JIM LUTES LIVE and you will thank me personally, I know. Their work is powerful. You’ll let go of the baggage you’ve been carrying around for years and learn to embrace everything that creates the future you want and deserve. As you close the pages of any of The Change books, you will say over and over again “THANK YOU Jim Britt and Jim Lutes for creating this work.” You will gain a new life of super focus as never before and you will commence to master manifest in your own individual life as never before. The Change books provide tools to transform results for corporations, institutions, and individuals, and once applied it will be impossible to miss your future success in life. In my opinion, there are only the following areas to embrace for each of us: Spiritual oneness and balance Recreational balance and nature Relationship where Perfection Can Be Had! (my book) Career attainment of goals that you, yourself, reset along the way Parenting either directly or by embracing a child you adopt to mentor at any and every age in life These perspectives come into alignment within a framework of Jim Britt and Jim Lutes’ imagination, along with decades of human- potential work. My advice is this work is a “BUY 10 TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS” pledge. In fact, a billion readers is a global path that Jim Britt and Jim Lutes are going to achieve NEXT for the world common good. Let’s help in this quest, as both men unselfishly donate their only asset, their precious LIFE TIME, to elevate one life at a time to their full potential and greatness.

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My final request to all those who are reading my foreword is that you DO IT NOW. When you think of the good you will be doing, just ask yourself, “How long will I make them WAIT?” I’m buying my 10 today! Berny Dohrmann Chairman, CEO Space International P.S. I so approve this message for all my readers and followers worldwide. CEO Space has helped authors break the book of all records a half a dozen times, which means the only record to beat can be done with the publication you are buying 10 of now. Together, we are going to set a global record with one publication. Make the PLEDGE and give the gift of personal development. DO IT TODAY!

xii Table of Contents

Foreword ...... ix Jim Britt ...... 1 Letting Go of the Need to Be in Control Jim Lutes ...... 9 The Blank Canvas Emmy Agustin ...... 19 Creating Footprints to the Moon Gillian Skeer ...... 29 Being Authentic Valerie Bernard ...... 41 The Biggest Game-Changer Kyle McCue ...... 55 Chasing Life Christine Suva ...... 65 Mastering Your Mindset for Success Lori Hanson ...... 77 Stop Pushing! Just Allow David Norris ...... 87 Is It Good To Be You? D Lee ...... 97 Do a You-Turn: Commit To Positive Living by Controlling Your Self-Talk David Campbell ...... 109 Releasing the Leader within you

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Danielle M. Griffith ...... 121 A New Paradigm for Confidence & Success Dr. Tom Heemstra ...... 131 The Words and the Bees of Bold Transformational Change! Amina Hedayat Khalil, CPC, ELI-MP ...... 143 How Your Thought Patterns Influence Your Marriage and How to Prevent Divorce Before Problems Appear Clay S. Nelson ...... 155 How to Live a Happier, Healthier, More Productive Life Pascale Hennessey ...... 165 Realign and All Will Come Right Melody Taylor-Fliege ...... 175 Uniting Nations by Embracing Change through “Shadow- Diving” Wendy C Li ...... 187 Chronic Pain ~ It’s All in Your Head Keri Murphy ...... 205 How to Live an Inspired Life Jorge Gutierrez ...... 215 Be the Change Lynnea Hagen ...... 227 The Profitability of Purpose, the Wizard of OZ and You Sue Fries ...... 237 Change Afterword ...... 247

xiv Jim Britt

Jim Britt is an internationally recognized leader in the field of peak performance and personal empowerment training. He is author of 13 best-selling books, including Cracking the Rich Code; Cracking the Life Code; Rings of Truth; The Power of Letting Go; Freedom; Unleashing Your Authentic Power; Do This. Get Rich-For Entrepreneurs; The Flaw in The Law of Attraction; and The Law of Realization, to name a few. Jim has presented seminars throughout the world sharing his success principles and life-enhancing realizations with thousands of audiences, totaling over 1,000,000 people from all walks of life. Jim has served as a success counselor to over 300 corporations worldwide. He was recently named as one of the world’s top 20 success coaches and presented with the best of the best award out of the top 100 contributors of all time to the direct selling industry. He also mentored/coached Anthony Robbins for his first five years in business. Jim is more than aware of the challenges we all face in making adaptive changes for a sustainable future.

1 Letting Go of the Need to Be in Control

By Jim Britt

Imagine for a moment how much time is required to travel 250,000 light years-- that’s traveling at the speed of light, 186,000 miles per second, for 250,000 years. That’s hard to imagine, isn’t it? A single galaxy is estimated to be that far across. Now imagine a galaxy that is four galaxies away from Earth. That’s 1,000,000 light years away. Now imagine that there are billions of galaxies within the universe. That’s even harder to imagine, isn’t it? Now imagine in the center of the universe is planet Earth. Compared to the whole, Earth is pretty small stuff, right? Now imagine yourself on Earth. Even smaller stuff, aren’t you? Now imagine your problems that you try so hard to control. Even smaller stuff, right? I have a theory. When we arrive here on Earth, we are given an allotment of, let’s call it “cosmic energy,” to burn up, and when it’s gone, our trip gets canceled. We get to decide how to burn up our energy. Let’s say you are traveling down the freeway at sixty-five mph. You’re going to an appointment five miles away, and if you continue at the same speed you’ll arrive on time. All of a sudden you get cut off by someone who decides to travel at only sixty mph. You begin to get uptight. “How could this “idiot” be in front of me? Doesn’t he

2 Insights into Self-Empowerment have a brain or what?” We’ve all had it happen, so you know what I’m talking about. If you continue at the same speed for the remainder of your five miles, that “idiot” will have cost you about thirty seconds. The thirty seconds is not the issue though. The real issue is how much of your energy allotment have you used up? To what degree did your “need to control” something that is not within your control, shorten your time on Earth? You are having an argument with someone and you’re getting pretty angry. There are two things you might want to consider. First, you might want to ask yourself, “Who really wins in an argument?” The second thing is, “Do I want to burn a portion of my energy allotment for this, or is there a more, sane, stress-free solution?” We suffer physically when something is not working properly in our bodies. We suffer emotionally when something is not working in concert with our beliefs. We suffer mentally when we don’t get what we want or when we feel forced to live with something we don’t want. Mental and emotional suffering has been shown to cause physical suffering. In fact it is believed to be the root cause of most illness. Whatever you feel, think, speak, or observe is always in a constant state of change. By remaining in a non-observant state of mind, not being “mind-full,” most changes and why they are happening may register as dissatisfaction in your life. We then increase the problem by trying so hard to stop the change from happening. We want to fix things. We try to control and manipulate something that can’t be controlled. We even attempt to control it internally by conceptualizing how we wish the world to be. We want everything to be concrete in our minds so that we can have a sense of direction or meaning. Even if we attempt to make our situation a little more bearable by manipulating it, before long it will be back in a state of flux once again, causing more suffering. Why? Because trying to control something that can’t be controlled, leaves you out of control! It becomes painful because it’s our attempt to change reality. Nothing

3 The Change7 is concrete in life. Everything is in a constant state of change, and a lot of it is out of your control. Some things you can control. If so take action. But many things we try to control is completely out of our control. As an example, let’s say you are thirty days behind on a project you need to complete. No matter how hard you try or how much you wish your circumstances were different it’s not going to change the reality of your situation that you are thirty days behind. By becoming a “mind-full” observer you can see the situation clearly. You can now choose not to try to control something that can’t be controlled and burn up vital energy doing it that could be used to complete the project. Most important you can now take action to change your situation from a place of resourcefulness versus a place of anxiety which will get you nowhere. Attempting to manipulate the world, our business affairs, relationships, other people and situations is the number one source of our suffering. Until we see this and experience it to be true our number one priority will always be to attempt to control uncontrollable situations. What we don’t realize is that in our attempt to be “in control,” all we are doing is creating more suffering and lack of control. Whatever we attempt to control, controls us. There is only one way out of the “maze” and it’s not through control. It’s by seeing our situation for what it is instead of what we wish it would be. Try this exercise: picture a triangular circle. Got it? Of course not. It’s impossible isn’t it? Very often we spend vital energy trying to do similar things. We focus our efforts on things that are next to impossible to control or achieve. It’s like silently judging someone for how they are acting. Do you think that will change how they are acting? Of course not. How someone else is acting is out of your control. Accept it and move on, or just simply leave the room. We often think that if we’ll just put forth a lot of effort trying to mentally manipulate a situation we will accomplish more and change our circumstances when exactly the opposite is true. Correct

4 Insights into Self-Empowerment effort is the key. This sort of action involves no struggle, no pushing, no forcing, because correct effort means being in direct alignment, with a clear view of our objective and a clear view of reality. Suppose you place your thumb on top of a nail and then hit it with a hammer. You wouldn’t need to force yourself from doing it again would you? The reality is, it hurts! Correct view lets you know how to avoid the pain of doing it the incorrect way again. Correct view and correct effort means simply being with whatever it is you are doing right here, right now. It’s not about trying to control by making a situation into something it’s not. All that does is create more stress and use up more of your vital energy. Stress burns energy. There is no stress in the moment. We’ve all been taught that effort requires control. Human history is filled with this sort of approach. Take a look around at the world we’ve spent a great deal of our effort and energy trying to control. We’ve controlled our land, environment, waterways, and even society to the point that we are now wondering whether the human race will even survive! Does that give you any indication that being controlling doesn’t work? If you want to bring about change in the world, in your life, you must focus your efforts on two things. First is vision. How would you like your world to be? I’m talking YOUR world not THE world. You can only change THE world by changing YOUR world. Second is reality. What are you trying to control that can’t be controlled that’s burning up your creative vital energy. If you can change something let go of your need to control the outcome and take action and change it. If you can’t change it and there’s no action you can take simply let go and have the courage to leave it at that. By becoming truly observant you will discover that your mental and emotional state is fragmented with thoughts and feelings such as, “Am I going to get what I want?” “I don’t like the way I feel.” “Why is this person out to get me?” “Why is life so difficult?” “How come I can’t catch a break financially?” Your real efforts should be turned toward letting go of such thoughts and emotions. Attempting to drive them away by complaining about them only strengthens their

5 The Change7 position and staying power. Why? Because that is your focus, and what you focus your energy on creates more of the same. If you simply back off and observe your fragmented state and see it for what it is rather than feeding it by pushing it away or by wanting reality to be something different then you once again return to a resourceful state where correct action can now be taken. Your clear vision cannot be created without taking correct action. As an example, if you go to your vehicle, open the door, get in, sit down and “think” about starting your car nothing happens. The correct action that creates the desired outcome is putting the key into the ignition, turning it, starting the car, and then actively driving the car. Clear vision creates an energy of “aliveness,” and lack of action toward that vision creates doubt and uncertainty. The correct use of energy constitutes action and correct results. The misuse of energy creates stress and lack of results. We all need our peaceful thoughts and times of non-action, but they are much less valuable than ideas backed up by correct action. If you want peace think peace of course. This is always the first step in achieving peace. The next step, however, is to go beyond thinking to implementation. By combining vision with correct action we can take peace or anything else to a whole new level. Attempting to control that which is out of our control creates anxiety, and anxiety is a short circuit in the creation process because there is no stable thought or action to rely upon. If you look back over your life you could probably come up with a long list of failures you’ve had or of people who have hurt you in some way. We all have our list. The parent, the schoolteacher, the husband, the wife, the child, the best friend or the business partner. The list is endless. Because of our list of hurts and pains we develop patterns of avoidance which cause us to develop a conditioned way of thinking and perceiving life. We develop behavior patterns of avoidance trying so desperately to avoid our self-created pain! These conditioned behaviors cause us to begin to judge and fear others and to judge ourselves. We form opinions about anyone or

6 Insights into Self-Empowerment anything that we fear that might cause us any sort of pain. Most of us spend our whole lives attempting to move in a direction that avoids us any discomfort. We believe that we are the victims so we attempt to arrange our whole life so that we are “in control.” But without even realizing it what we are really doing is setting up a life that is “out of control.” We have become so obsessed about not being hurt and remaining in control our real life is just passing us by without us even noticing it. We spend 90% of our time going around in a circle eight defending our “needs.” Our methods for avoiding pain have become almost endless. When we are threatened in any way we instantly react by putting up a barrier of some sort that we hope will keep us “in control.” But in reality what’s really happening is that we are clouding our vision by our “need” to control. Because most of us are in a reactive state every few minutes, or even seconds, our vision of how we want our lives to be or how life really is, is completely out of focus and we lose touch with reality, what’s really going on. The key is to learn to distinguish between those things we can control and those we cannot. In other words learn to identify the difference between controllable and uncontrollable circumstances. Look at it this way. Any circumstance that is beyond your control is not your responsibility. If, however, there is an action that should be taken you should first “let go” of your “need” to control the outcome and then take action. By doing so you truly remain in control of your thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviors. All of these things left unchecked can burn up your allotment of vital energy which is the only thing you really have control of in the first place. Again, if there is no action that you can take at the time you should simply “let go” of your “need” to control and have the courage to leave it at that. Concerning yourself with what others think or with how something “should” turn out is a leak of your vital energy. Whatever happens that is beyond your control should simply be accepted as a necessary part of the overall process.

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Look at it this way. A seemingly stressful event just may be taking place for the purpose of keeping you in a certain place long enough for the real event to happen, or to give you the opportunity to let go of your need for control, or both, so the real event can unfold. When you let go of the need to control an outcome you don’t actually give up control at all, or give up using any of your skills. What you really give up is using your skills to manipulate your world and the people in your life by trying to make them the way you would like them to be. And with that you then create a sense of peace and joy and flow in your life. *** www.JimBritt.com www.PowerOfLettingGo.com www.CrackingTheRichCode.com www.FaceBook.com/JimBrittOnline www.JourneyBeginsNow.com

8 Jim Lutes

Having taught his branded form of human performance since the early 1990s, Mr. Lutes has accelerated top level entrepreneurs throughout his career by conducting trainings on personal growth and subconscious programming into worldwide markets. During this time, Jim took his skills regarding the human mind, and combining it with trainings on influence, persuasion, and communication strategies, he launched Lutes International in the early 1990s. Based in San Diego, California, Jim has taught seminars for corporations, sales forces, individuals, and athletes. Having appeared on television, radio, and worldwide stages, Jim’s style, knowledge, and effectiveness provide profound results. “Jim Lutes possesses a unique ability to create performance change in an individual in a fraction of the time it takes his competitors.” The core of humans decisions are based on the programs we acquire, reinforce, and grow. Combining Jim’s various trainings, individuals can reach new levels of achievement and fulfillment in all areas of life. The results are at times nothing short of astonishing.

9 The Blank Canvas

By Jim Lutes

We are all born of pure spirit. Our subconscious mind is the gateway to the universe and connection with the divine. Intuition is like the conversation between ‘ourselves’ and universal consciousness. When we talk of being intuitive and accessing intuition, we are talking about using that part of the subconscious mind that is Universal Power. This happens when all of our ‘parts’ are in alignment. I’ll talk about the different parts of ourselves a little later in the book. We are all equals when we are first born—regardless of what kind of family or situation we are born into, the truth is we are still vulnerable, pure, needy babies. Our minds are like a blank canvas, ready to learn and grow and not pre-programmed in any way. At this stage, we are residing in a pure and innocent state, if you will. We soak up knowledge at a fast and furious pace in the first months and years of our lives, as our canvas becomes painted on with the impressions of our parents, caregivers, guardians, family, and other authority figures in our lives. Consequently, as we soak up knowledge and imprinted programming from our parents and everyone else who affects us, our intuition is weakened, and our connection to the greater subconscious mind of the entire universe is lost. We are conditioned to rely more on external factors and cues in our environment then we are on our internal environment. What starts out as the blank canvas quickly becomes crowded with programming right from the minute we are born. There are three

10 Insights into Self-Empowerment primary ways our minds get programmed as we grow up: Traumatic experience, authority figures, and repetition. When you experience trauma as a child, your subconscious creates a response at the time with the primary goal of keeping you safe. For example, perhaps when you were four years old you burned your hand on the stove. This trauma and memory became stored in the subconscious and as you grew up, you knew not to put your hand on the stove. A more extreme example might suggest that you even became afraid of the stove as you grew older. Sometimes the trauma is no longer kept in your memory at the conscious level and you don’t know why you have certain fears. You might have a strong fear of being in small spaces. What you may not even remember is an incident from your early childhood wherein you were contained in a small space and you were terrified. Programming from trauma is often forgotten by the conscious mind as people age, because of the emotional powerhouse traumatic incidents are. Our innate nature is so concerned with keeping us protected and safe that we may develop very strong emotional responses as a result of traumatic experiences. You can always find out what programming is running in your subconscious mind that came from trauma by working with a qualified hypnotist or psychotherapist. The other way we become programmed is through the authority figures in our lives. Our parents are usually the major players here, however it can be anyone that was influential in your life as you grew up. For lots of people, if there are limiting beliefs or thoughts around money, chances are they came from the authority figures and the words they heard these figures say that they took in. If you grew up poor and always heard your father say, “Money doesn’t grow on trees!” it is possible that you may grow up hoarding your money or believing you will never have enough. If your parents always asked you to be quiet or did not even invite you to speak at the dinner table as a child, you may have taken in the message that your feelings don’t matter and you continue to keep quiet as you grow older, only to find that as an adult it keeps you from making presentations at work or limits you in other ways. The voices we hear growing up impact our subconscious minds in profound ways, and one could argue these have the strongest influence on what we believe about ourselves and the world. Again, the old internal versus external

11 The Change7 struggle. In contemporary Western society, we are much more encouraged to give more importance to the external messages, as opposed to listening to what our internal messages (intuition) are saying. The third common way we are programmed is through repetition. Any words, comments, behaviors, or actions that were repeated to you as you grew up became entrenched in your subconscious mind, for better or for worse. A good example of repetition is the media. If you think back to all the messages you received as a child growing up—all of the gender messages, messages about how you should look, even how you should be if you want to “fit in,” all of these are repeated over and over again through media programming, particularly television. These messages are usually reinforced by our family, authority figures, and society. If you don’t believe you were programmed by television as a child, think again. For men and women, there are probably millions of cases of people struggling with low self-esteem as a direct result of images in the media of unattainable bodies and looks for the greater majority of people. Whether this programming came to us as a result of traumatic episodes we faced as children, or from the voices of the authority figures in our lives, most of us grew into adults entirely unaware that there had been any programming altogether. The reality is, as you grew up, the authority figures—and even the media and other influential voices—helped you create parameters in your life. For example, the need for approval and the fear of criticism may have led you to slowly lose your individuality over the years, without your being consciously aware that it was happening. It’s a subtle process that can effectively erode any ‘authentic’ or ‘true’ sense of self. Instead of following your heart, you found yourself following the masses without ever fully understanding why. One day you arrived at the realization that you are dissatisfied, unhappy, and not fully self-expressed on the path you’re living. In short, you recognize that you are living far under your potential. Yet chances are, even if you arrived to that point, you were still unable to comprehend why you felt that way or what hidden forces may have been at work to lead to that moment. You may not recall the specific words spoken by

12 Insights into Self-Empowerment those around you that you absorbed as you were growing up, but they are affecting your life even now through the emotions that show up when you are involved in certain situations. Negative statements of any kind, like “you’ll never amount to anything,” “no one in our family is rich,” “it’s no use trying,” “you will fail,” “life is one big struggle” and so on were far more dangerous than those who uttered them could have anticipated. For these statements dug grooves in your subconscious mind, the repercussions of which persist throughout your life unless you learn to overcome them. If you have ever wondered why you felt anxiety or fear when you tried something new, or despair every time you look at your finances, chances are these emotions have arisen as a result of a belief being triggered by an earlier experience that you were not aware was still influencing your behavior. Are you beginning to ‘see’ how much your original blank canvas has been painted on by other people’s ideas and influences? If people only knew how influential their words are on their babies’ minds, we would see a radical shift in the way we parent. The programming we received, especially in the earliest years of our lives, has a profound effect on who we are and the choices we make today. This is not to be used as an excuse to justify why you are stuck, or in bad relationships, sickly, or financially unstable. Rather, just recognizing that you began with a blank canvas that was subsequently influenced and programmed by everyone around you is an essential first step in moving you forward. You cannot move forward in life into the aligned and positive human you wish to be, manifesting all that you desire, without recognizing the areas your mind has been imprinted upon from an early age. This is a crucial ingredient to making lasting change and using those changes to fuel the life you desire to create. We are born the same, all of us, coming into the world as babies with open and empty minds. As we grow up, we assimilate cultural norms, we assimilate the fears of our parents and other authority figures, and we assimilate the need for approval or fear of criticism, which can translate into the loss of our individuality. Have you ever felt out of alignment with who you really are? Chances are if you dig deep enough into your subconscious mind, you have some story in there that was put there by someone of authority in your life, and

13 The Change7 it’s a fear of rejection, or a need for approval, or any other fear or idea that would contribute to you hiding your real self from the world. Somehow you learned it was not safe to be an individual, particularly the individual that you really are, and this learning has led you to where you are now. If you are stuck and out of alignment, feeling like one of the masses and locked into a 9-5 job while your heart screams for freedom and the ability to work for yourself, take a look at what conditions you grew up in, and whose voices and thoughts you heard most of. If we humans only knew the influence we have on one other, we would help each other to grow positive subconscious thought patterns, not limiting ones. Imagine what kind of world we would live in if this were the case. Another way to look at this is to think of your mind as a nightclub. When you were a child, there was a bouncer at the door who let everyone in. You did not have a filter yet—in this case, a bouncer who was discerning. So everyone came in—negative thoughts, negative memories, positive thoughts, lessons learned. Basically any and all experiences, both positive and negative. Everyone and everything got into your nightclub from the moment you were born. Now imagine that as you grew older, the bouncer decided to start to be more discerning about who is already in your nightclub. You might try to allow a new positive, affirming thought into your nightclub, only to find there is a nightclub full of negative memories, beliefs, and other thoughts that are crowding out the positive thoughts you are trying to re-populate your nightclub with. As you start to change your life by changing your thoughts, it is imperative that you kick some of those dancers out of the nightclub. If you don’t make space for some positive thoughts—or new thoughts at all—those thoughts cannot stay, because the nightclub is so full of negative thoughts. What happens next? You need to empty the whole nightclub, evict the negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, and start to only let the positive and affirming thoughts in. Does this make sense? The bouncer needs to wake up and actively guard the nightclub to only allow in those thoughts and beliefs that serve you. We go along in life and we often don’t even want to see the occupants of our nightclub, sometimes going so far as to engage in self-medicating behavior so we can stay in denial. Many of us are afraid to “see” who has been populating our nightclub. Somehow a

14 Insights into Self-Empowerment lot of the negative thoughts and beliefs that got into the nightclub serve us and have served us through the years, helping us to survive. Many of these thoughts and beliefs become patterns and give us a sense of safety and predictability, even though many of them are no longer helpful in our present lives. Just because our nightclub is populated by ideas and thoughts that previously helped us to navigate experiences in our lives, it doesn’t mean they need to stay on! And, to boot, they are not the best dancers in the nightclub either! While we are the chief creators of our lives, these patterns and much of our early conditioning may have led us to a place of feeling stuck, negative, or dissatisfied with our current lifestyle. Imagine for a moment that your life is like a car. Would you give the wheel to people you did not know or trust? Would you let a person who repeatedly crashed the car be the driver? No, of course not! Beginning to recognize and examine these negative thoughts, patterns, and beliefs will enable you to become the driver in your life. Paying attention to your thoughts moment to moment will empower you to navigate the terrain of your life with more skill, ease, and harmony. Our subconscious mind absorbed everything when we were growing up; our canvas filled up quickly, whether we liked it or not. Now, as adults, it’s important to dive deep into our subconscious minds to filter out all of the limiting beliefs—beliefs that perhaps once served us, long ago, but that certainly no longer serve us or our greater purpose in life. It’s time for the nightclub bouncer to put his foot down, by being more selective and discerning about who is allowed to come into the nightclub. (Hint, you are the bouncer!) It is incredible how common it is when people begin to reassess their lives and their relationships, with themselves and others, or the success they are having (or perhaps not having), that they discover that much of what has been negatively affecting their lives, their achievements, their finances, their careers, their intimate relationships, and even their bodies, was influenced by their parents. Not only have our parents programmed and imprinted their beliefs and patterns upon us, but we also developed strategies to cope with our living situations, the other side of this double-edged sword. As

15 The Change7 we grew up and tried to be liked, approved of, or appreciated by one or both parents, we developed behaviors, beliefs, and patterns to help us meet those needs. In many cases, the decisions people have made from childhood onward were about avoiding the pain that was inflicted on them by a parent or loved one. So we can be forty, fifty, even eighty years old, and we are still living the strategies we lived as children. We are effectively re-living the lives of our younger selves in a cycle of unconscious repetition. As if these things weren’t enough to leave us limited as adults, for many of us, as we grew up we often told ourselves “I’ll never be like that!” when referring to our parents. Yet here you are today, quite possibly exactly like that. You don’t want to admit it, but if you watched a film of your interactions, you might say, “Oh dear, I never wanted to be like that parent,” yet you are. Or, if you didn’t become the parent you said you would never become, you may have gone in the entirely opposite direction, and you are not like that parent at all, but now you are something else. You are the opposite of the extreme you didn't like. Now you are another extreme, but that doesn't work either. Conventional society fails to teach us how much our early conditioning affects us; it becomes part of our subconscious and we don't even see it. It stays within us and remains part of the invisible fabric of our thinking and our decision-making every single day. Remembering the essence of our true selves, and the starting point we all shared and came from can help us as we try to eradicate obstacles that keep us from achieving our goals in life. We are pure spirit manifested into bodies. We are not solely bodies and mass, lumbering through life, waiting for life to happen to us. Each of us is designed as an auto-poetic being. We are in fact creators, with Universal Power readily accessible to us through our subconscious mind. We have the capacity, through our thoughts, to create every minute of our reality, and yet so many of us don’t know this, don’t believe this, or don’t know how to fully implement this. I want you to learn how to tap into this potential, to your inherent creative potential. For all of us, our minds never really stood a chance. For centuries our ancestors have passed down their thought patterns and beliefs, imprinting beliefs both positive and negative on each subsequent

16 Insights into Self-Empowerment generation. Even your parents did not fully know what they were doing when they imprinted upon you all of the programming that you integrated from birth. They were just doing the best they could with what they knew. Often our parents were themselves repeating the conditioning that they experienced in their own families. There may be no preventing this programming or imprinting; however, as adults, you can reverse the programming by using world-class subconscious mind programming techniques, such as those that are outlined in this book. Once you are aware of how much your subconscious impacts your conscious mind, you will seek out ways to overcome these thoughts, the ones you never chose, could not have chosen, and, really, had been chosen on your behalf. These techniques help you to separate yourself from the emotion, which is really what makes the thought real to your subconscious mind. These strategies, in effect, will help you erase and re-paint your canvas, so that the memory and content remain, while the emotion dissipates. The subconscious mind responds to visuals and emotion, and by disconnecting the emotion from the thought, we can move forward into changing certain areas of our lives that may once have been limited by these thoughts and the strong emotions they generated. While it is impossible to revisit the blank canvas our minds once were in our lives, it is possible to reverse the damaging effects of all the negative thoughts that filled that canvas. It is possible to reprogram the subconscious mind, and it is possible to grow your intuition so you can truly see the divine connection within, the connection to all of creation. *** To contact Jim: Email: [email protected] Websites: www.lutesinternational.com www.jimluteslive.com

Emmy Agustin

“Whether you land on the moon or slowly take a step towards it, you leave footprints to follow.” As an Author, Motivational Speaker, Lady Entrepreneur, Wellness Coach, and Child Life Specialist by profession, Emmy Agustin continues to evolve into a person of many facets through her constant drive to be a “Professional Role Model.” She founded and owns Operation Emmy LLC to display joyfulness around her passion of serving and coaching others throughout her community. After receiving her Master’s Degree from Erikson Institute, Emmy served as a medical liaison when she became a Certified Child Life Specialist at the University of Chicago Comer Children’s Hospital Emergency Department. Emmy honed an expertise to appropriately present, provide and communicate vital information in times of stress and crises directly to children, parents and medical staff during medical procedures, therapeutic play sessions, in-services, medical education rounds and pediatric trauma exams. “Creating Footprints to the Moon” focuses on the importance of a journey entirely built from the moment that any one narrative begins to form a legacy. Included is a guide to express your story with The Eight Essential Elements. The means to advocate your passion is a business in itself. “Change is inevitable. Growth is Intentional.” -Glenda Cloud

19 Creating Footprints to the Moon

By Emmy Agustin

“There is always a first for everything.” How many times have you heard this statement throughout your life? The first broken bone, first car accident, first break up, first time being laid off or first one in your family to graduate high school, first grandchild, first place in a competition, first time meeting someone that you never thought you would love for the rest of your life. Without the first for anything, there are no means to continue. For anything related to life must begin with a FIRST— whether it’s in times of dealing with stress or recognizing an achievement. Journey back to your first day on earth and see how far you’ve come. What can you remember about your birth into this world? Do you remember that day you took your first breathe, made the first sound of cries or even felt the first touch of another human’s hand upon your head? Whether you realize it, what you remember isn’t your recollection of your experience. Rather, it is what you interpreted because you were finally able to understand the stories you were told and the photos that captured those moments. By nature, all babies are predisposed with an innate and intuitive capacity to be social and interactive. However, the transformation of your first global appearance has been and will always be influenced by your culture, environment and biological history. It is essential that you know why and who you are even before you know where you are going.

20 Insights into Self-Empowerment

Sharing your story may be intimidating or difficult, but by making the process easy and fun, your journey becomes the imprint that will connect you to the rest of the world. Like many of our mentors and leaders today, we all have been given a chance to live and learn, but what we are exposed to in life and the choices we make daily will portray the type of person that we want to become. It is what you choose to do with it that will form the memories that will last forever. It is never too late to begin or start over. Anything that you set your mind and heart to, no matter how you decide to do it, will begin when you take that step forward! What is one thing you would like to accomplish in the near future that will give you courage, motivation, support and freedom in order to pursue happiness? ______What is the first step you need to take? ______What date do you want to start? ______The journey beginning with your birth into this world is what we as human beings need to exist. Any story will survive for as long as it persists through differences, endures many changes, resolves various conflicts or exceeds the highest expectations that we alone cannot even begin to share orally or written without the decision to take action! “Change only takes place through ACTION, not through meditation and prayer alone.” -Dalai Lama

21 The Change7

Whether it is reaching personal goals, transforming old ways into more meaningful habits, gaining the momentum to build a business or mentoring an aspiring professional, we all must take that FIRST step toward embracing change and empowerment. Many say that it is easier said than done, but feel reassured that no matter how you plan to take that FIRST STEP, it is always easier to do it once you’ve built the momentum from the start. By creating a lifestyle based off of what you strongly stand for and believe, you will bring success where sharing your legacy can unite people and their communities closer together. “This is one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.” -Neil Armstrong (1969), First man to set foot on the surface of the moon The Millennial Generation: Being “Born in the Eighties” I was born in a decade that saw great change economically, socially and fundamentally as the evolution of industrializing economies drifted from the control of capital and manufacturing. Television viewing became more common around the world and the development of the internet had launched. Thus leading to the influence of music videos and the growth of the record industry with artists such as Michael Jackson, Madonna, Whitney Houston and the hip hop genre. I inherited a classification as part of the “Millennial Generation” while new headlines continued to develop from the issue of global warming to the discovery of AIDS caused by HIV then to the assassination of John Lennon from the Beatles to the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster. This decade of the “80’s” occurred in an era that had foreseeable change just like any other period in history. It is when we take that first step to anything worth doing that many will come and more will happen. With time, I’ve learned that instead hoping for the impossible, I would create the possible. I’m not an engineer, but I know that any attempt to build anything that maximizes and compliments the passions and confidence in life essentially pioneered even before I existed. The ideas, cultures and lifestyles of people around me will change as the view of my life

22 Insights into Self-Empowerment transforms over time. Although you encounter a first to many things whether it be a failure or an accomplishment, the way you interact with your environment are based on your experiences. For example, the meaning behind the saying “I love you to the moon and back” will vary from person to person. Neil Armstrong might have said that love is “about 477, 710 miles to the moon and back” after he set foot on the moon. My grandmother might insist that it would be an eternity because it is definitely impossible to go to the moon. Nonetheless, when the catastrophe of the Space Shuttle Challenger occurred in 1986, many gathered to recognize the people who were fearless enough to seize a challenge in hopes to share their passion for creating the possible. Some may say that the possibility of going to the moon is not worth the risk you put yourself through, yet many have said that doing something you love is worth every risk. We will never know how far, how difficult or how things will end if no one has ever made an endeavor or triumphed every effort made in history. Consequently, we honor every noble legacy that has gone beyond the limits that society has set upon itself because of differences between cultures, environments and generations. Many before us have formed a passageway like how aspiring astronauts have attempted to follow in Neil Armstrong’s footprints on the moon. Time can only signify how these achievements remain, evolve and manifest in ways that leaders will inherit their standards within their own generation. By realizing the whole story behind the operation of a mission, the first essential element intended for the world to see will begin with a foundation of a trademark that represents who you are as a person and the venture that your brand will symbolize victory in anything that you do. Change the “Why” to “What if?” Have you wished that you could go back in time to change a moment that could have led to a more desirable outcome? Could you recall a moment that you wished you could erase judgments regarding you or what you’ve done in your past? It was in the 1980’s that “high concept” films like Back to the Future™ were introduced to ask the question “what if.” It is through the advancement of technology and media that has influenced society and the idea of change within my

23 The Change7 generation. But then again, why do we need to go back in time to make changes when change can happen right now, right where you are today? By transforming the questions leading with “why” to “what if,” change will take place when thoughts are triggered and actions are executed. “Roads?! Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” –Dr. Emmitt Brown (Christopher Lloyd), Back to the Future™ (1985) As quoted by Ronald Reagan in the 1986 State of the Union Address When you think about where you are and the difficulties that you have to endure daily, it is common to look back into our past and find ways to blame someone or something. If you can visualize the most memorable moment in your childhood as you remember the space, the people, the objects and the feelings that have made you remember this specific moment, I want you to look at where you were and how your feelings about that moment have lingered. Have you identified that emotion and what makes you feel this way? Do you feel attached to where you belonged at the time or was it that moment of freedom that was memorable? By turning those feelings into an awareness of what makes you happy and safe will help you understand the power of stories, relationships and development. As a result, we will no longer need to look back to blame our past. Instead, we can learn to appreciate the foundation laid before us to expand and build up. We always hear from our parents, teachers and mentors to “Be Strong.” This strength can be identified through physical abilities, emotional capacities or psychological competences. The real meaning derives from the way our culture and environment influences our development when dealing with crises during different time periods. As a result, many people may feel like they do not belong because of the differences that we face from generation to generation or from one culture to another. We learn from these different experiences through oral and written languages that have been passed on through successes, crises, monumental break-through or failures.

24 Insights into Self-Empowerment

Without embracing the meaning and power of stories similarly to the air we need to breathe in order to survive, there is no contact to life and WE NO LONGER EXIST. Unless you have done, given or stood up for something worth passing on to future generations, one may never find the purpose of that first breath we took entering this world. From the moment that we have been given the gift of life, we were given the free will to choose our destiny. We must continue to inhale life into our legacies and exhale our stories as we continue to face our fears. I’ve learned from my upbringing that building rapport can be a challenge many people struggle with resulting in an identity crisis which leads a life lacking personal goals or full of immoral acts. Whether it is from being ashamed of who they are, afraid to reveal where they’ve come from, or intimidated by a significant other, the need to belong comes from the belief that who you were and where you are going are far from who you are right now. “God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” II Timothy 1:7 I challenge you to look back at what you’ve identified to accomplish in your near future and visualize the distance it will take to build the strength, will and determination just as those did to journey to the moon or simply taking a single step out of their comfort zone. Make a decision every day to transform, evolve and become the person you want to be—who you were meant to become. Create the possible by doing what others choose not to do or refuse to believe will come true. Be in love with who you are becoming and share your stories with those who want to have what you have and go where you are going. If you ever make it to the moon and back, just know that life will keep going no matter how long or how far you have gone. When you keep going, stay strong and have faith, creating footprints to the moon will be as common as creating them on the moon! How far have you gone lately to do something you love? “Who you were, who you are and who you are becoming are three different stories… Choose your Journey!” –Operation Emmy

25 The Change7

The Eight Essential Elements A guide to creating an innovative business expression or personal legacy 8) Express your Journey: What are the words, pictures and people that represent your business? Do you have a story or a narrative behind the operation of your business? How do you feel and connect with your business? Learn how to find the true element of this expression when you are able to recognize it and express it freely. 7) Evolve into your Purpose & Mission: What does your Business DO? How will your business do this? Explain a simple way to have your clients understand it. 6) Explore Areas for The Vision & Growth: What makes your business special? What do you anticipate will come from your ultimate goal? Simplify your vision and become a part of the global picture of success. 5) Evaluate your needs & strengths as a business entity: What line of work does the business address? What are your Strengths against competitors and how can you improve with the trends seen in your industry? What work is needed to maintain, highlight or eliminate in order to bring action and see results? Categorize or prioritize what makes your business thrive or need improvements. 4) Examine your database: Who are your customers? Who is a good fit or ideal client and is your business suitable those characteristics? Extract the details needed to be sustainable in order to be recognized for what your business narrative expresses. 3) Experiencing Examples of your Service: What benefits do you provide for your customers/clients? What do competitors in your industry see and feel when you provide your

26 Insights into Self-Empowerment business ideas and plans? Learn to accept feedback and observations of what works and what doesn't to provide the services that lead and represent your Business. 2) Establish your Long Term Goals: Where do you see your business in a year? In 5 Years? As a Legacy? What have you done to answer these questions? Discover your goals and establish ways to see your vision clearer! 1) Empower with your BRAND! Do you or your team(s) have the motivation and knowledge to express the Brand of your company? Do you have the Marketing resources and actions for meeting your goals? If there is a will, there is a way to answer the question... “Why you are succeeding?” Lead By Example: The Brand of “Operation Emmy” “My Vision is to transform the power of words and narratives captured from individuals into opportunities to provide for and to connect with all communities of people across the world. By formulating designs and ideas of storytelling beginning with our youth, it can bridge the generational gaps to set a foundation for individual missions, visions and contributions for our future global leaders. My mission to Provide Worldwide Coaching will guide those that have the determination, drive and discipline to build a brand and personal legacy while becoming a “Professional Role Model.” The ultimate goal is to connect diverse cultures, generations and communities throughout history to welcome change during societal conquests or to achieve personal fulfillment. By becoming a Professional Role Model, the reward is beyond belonging to a particular profession, it is discovering places where you thought you would never go and bringing lights to cities that have only seen darkness. Your legacy is etched in the mind of others and the stories that they tell about you.” With Operation Emmy LLC, Emmy believes that true happiness is about more than just what you have and know. It is about who you represent by “Transforming Goals into Freedom.” “Learning, Living and Loving are the rewards for Listening,” she emphasizes when uniting with children, parents and other professionals in her

27 The Change7 hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii. She strongly believes that the most instrumental skill for relationship building is the continuous enthusiasm to connect with others through creativity, storytelling and cultural awareness. She devotes countless hours each year to charitable causes that benefit diverse populations and cultures. From serving meals to the homeless to promoting a whole wellness and a healthy lifestyle as a Speaker, Coach and Fitness Model, Emmy is committed to not only improving the minds, bodies and hearts of our present lives, but to making this world a better place to "operate" beyond our lifetime. She hopes to inspire, encourage and generate change with leadership through her speeches, interactions and professional networking. For a 30 minute complimentary consultation, information on speaking arrangements or coaching packages, contact by email [email protected] or visit www.operationemmy.com. "She is clothed in strength and dignity; and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25

28 Gillian Skeer

Change is a process that is as inevitable as it is unpredictable. Navigating through change can be as challenging as it is enlightening. Embracing the concept of change can be the most empowering step in your journey of personal and professional development. Gillian Skeer is The Change Agent. She is a professional Life & Success Coach, life transition specialist, motivator, instructor, columnist, author and speaker. With a champion mindset Gillian lives her life on a continuous journey of self-improvement. She is passionately committed to helping her clients achieve their full potential in every aspect of their lives: career and business, personal, mindset and performance, health, relationships and finances. Gillian connects people with their inherent abilities and strengths to bring about incredible results in their lives. Gillian has established her own life and success coaching company, Creative Coaching Solutions. As The Change Agent, Gillian has written for several publications and authored her own column with on-line news sites. As well as contributing to The Change book, Gillian is also a co-author of the books Millionaire Coach, The Inspiration Bible, and Sell Your Story. Gillian Skeer is a certified Master Coach NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), Master Practitioner NLP, Master of Time Line Therapy®, Master Hypnotist and an Internationally Accredited Consultant in Extended DISC Behavioral Profiling.

29 Being Authentic

By Gillian Skeer

Is it possible that you’re not living your truth? Maybe. Maybe the very things you strive for are the very things that will take away your joy. Maybe the choices that you make are leading you further from the sense of peace you seek. Maybe the person you present to the world every day is not the person you are in your alone time. Maybe you haven’t really taken the time to contemplate your truth. What does it mean to live your truth; to be truly authentic? Would it be useful to explore this idea of being authentic a little more? Might considering the concept of authenticity help you gain personal insights and awareness that empower you at a deeper level? Imagine that you are living your life truly authentically; a life where you are honoring your beliefs, your values, and your morals. Imagine having absolute clarity about yourself and what you stand for. Imagine a life where you feel so self-aware and so self-assured in your choices that you feel perfectly comfortable. Imagine a life where you are doing what you are passionate about, rather than living to the expectations of others. A life where you can forge your own path and follow your own dreams in the certainty, that whatever the outcomes, you are doing it for the right reasons. What would a life like that feel like? How would you describe such a life? What would it look like to you? Can you connect with that now?

30 Insights into Self-Empowerment

It can be a stretch if we have never imagined such a life before now, can’t it? You might have to dig deep to really determine what it means for you to be authentic. We’ll all be able to find reasons, excuses, barriers, thoughts, motives, whys and wherefores for not living authentically. And you might even find these appropriate and warranted at times. Some might find the concept of being truly authentic a little unrealistic in the modern-day lifestyles we lead. Though what if you were to let go a little, and just expand your mind, expand your thinking, and simply allow the proposition of living authentically to enter your awareness completely unfettered? What if you were to experience the freedom of having to be nothing more than your authentic self? Imagine that now. “Only I can truly know the authentic me” What exactly does being authentic really mean? Some definitions relate to being in a real, genuine and purposeful mode of behavior, on a consistent basis. Others mention alignment with your deeper truth. And there’s the idea that authentic behavior comes from a place of self-empowerment and certainty. It would seem that people’s perceptions of what being authentic means, can be quite subjective and very much based on their own experience of their world. I was curious to know more about what others would say if asked the question, “What does being authentic mean to you?” So I asked my clients, colleagues, connections and friends, and here are some of their responses: “Being authentic is being true to yourself. Doing what you know to be right for you, staying true to your beliefs, stating your beliefs with conviction and being true in your dealings with other people.” “I hold myself to full accountability of my choices, outcomes and changes that need to occur to be the best possible me - that is to fulfil my purpose in life and live out my dreams. To thy own self be true. Only I can truly know the authentic me."

31 The Change7

“You know when you’re not being authentic – you know it’s not right, you have an innate sense that it is contrary to your belief or values system.” “It has taken me a long time to realize that being authentic means listening to myself and not others’ expectations. I have mastered the art of conducting myself with integrity by listening to my inner voice and using that to guide my actions.” “At times, being authentic is a hard road to travel; it shouldn’t be, but it can be. At the end of the day, the reward of being at peace with myself and how I am in the world, is absolutely worth it.” It seems that being authentic starts with self-awareness and is a continuous choice to live in alignment with your beliefs and values, irrespective of the circumstances. Regardless of the circumstances around you, being authentic suggests you are prepared to stand for who you define yourself to be; honoring your choices, your decisions, how you relate to others, and staying congruent with your core values, consistently. So how might you be able to take an objective look at yourself and evaluate your own authenticity? What if you were to step outside of yourself and look at yourself as if you were an observer? Dissociate yourself from the life you are currently immersed in, and move away from it so that you can view it objectively, from an outside perspective. When you look at you, and look at your life from a distance, what might you notice? Here’s an exercise to try. Imagine you are looking at a movie of your life on a screen, where you are separate to what you are viewing, though you are able to clearly observe what is happening in the story. The movie is about your life story, so you are the protagonist in this movie. As you watch yourself in your life movie, what do you notice? Are you convincing in your role? Or do you observe a disconnect between you and your storyline? Are you meeting your full

32 Insights into Self-Empowerment potential, or falling short? Does your character resonate with you, as an observer in the audience? Are the special effects over-shadowing the real narrative? Are other characters in the movie dominating the plot? When you speak your lines, are they articulate and comprehensive? Does the movie flow naturally? What are your observations? Now step back into yourself and be fully associated with yourself again. Realize that your life is not a movie, nor a dress rehearsal. It is real and it is now. How might you make your life more authentic? In this world of “reality” television shows, where clever editing and behind the scenes work enhances storylines, personalities and physical features, what is really authentic anymore? Do you ever have those times when you are going through the motions of life and notice that you’re not really consciously considering your actual role in your journey? As if you are on autopilot, and doing things the way you’ve always done them, without really considering why. So many times I hear my clients say that they haven’t really considered their choices in life. So then, what will being authentic give you? Likely, it will give you a greater sense of peace, empowerment and happiness. You’ll know your own truth and that will be your measuring stick for the way you live. You’ll take life’s learnings and grow from them. You will have choice to be, do, and have the life you want. You can rest easy in the knowledge that you are in charge of your thoughts, you manage your own emotional states, and you determine your own behaviors. There is no pressure to create a different version of yourself in order to please others. People often think that to be accepted, to belong, to be loved, requires them to be something that they are not. They put on a mask to cover their shortcomings, or to seemingly enhance their natural self. They feel their life has been directed by some sense of expectation by others. And we can all do this can’t we? In the process of doing right by others, or as a way to conform and fit in, or through fear, or limiting

33 The Change7 beliefs about our own abilities, we opt for a path that is not necessarily authentic to ourselves. Some people may spend a lifetime trying to be what they think other people want them to be. It can be consuming and exhausting. There are some who have spent a lifetime in the quest for a higher level of success in order to have the approval of their parents. Some take on the family business, even though they don’t enjoy it. There are those who have succumbed to the demands of their spouse in order to feel loved. There are people who willingly let go of their beliefs so that they can be accepted and fit in with the crowd. There are those who choose to forgo their own life purpose in order for someone else to fulfil theirs. Such choices may be made with good intentions, but are they authentic? To be free of those conditions, either self-imposed or from others, is liberating. Imagine that: letting go of the expectations and choosing to live as your true self. What others think no longer matters. Imagine embracing the philosophy that what other people think of you is none of your business. Really imagine what that would be like. Notice how that feels for you. “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” - C.G. Jung What do you do when you have that deep-down feeling that your life isn’t quite authentically aligned? It’s something all of us would have experienced to some degree at some point during our lifetime. It might have been a small thing, or a large thing. It might have had a small impact, or a large impact. Would your choices be quite different if you were to really answer your own inner voice? Maybe it’s time to take a careful look at your values – or maybe you haven’t really consciously thought about what your values might be. Values are the principles you live by, or your standards of behavior. They may guide your moral compass and give you foundations to live by. There are any number of values which may be important to you e.g., love, family, freedom, adventure, security, success, fun,

34 Insights into Self-Empowerment integrity, giving-back, health, travel, education, challenge, creativity – whatever it is that truly matters to you. Be sure you are considering your own personal values, not societal values or those you have adopted from your family, friends or broader environment. What are your values? Then ask yourself, why they are your values or why they are important to you. Ensure that your values are positively motivated, rather than being a negative response to what you don’t want in your life. That way you positively program your unconscious mind to move you towards what you want. When working with clients who are contemplating what they value, I’ll suggest that they think about the concept and then ‘try it on’. By trying it on, I mean imagining they are wearing the idea or surrounding themselves with it in a way that they can experience it in a kinesthetic way. I ask them how it feels, if it feels comfortable or not, and does it elicit a positive or negative emotion? From their response, they will get a strong sense of clarity. People operate at different levels of self-awareness. For some, life may seem to be going along adequately, and they may not even be aware that they are not living authentically. Maybe they’ve just never thought about it. As with the saying you don’t know what you don’t know, some people live the life they were born into, and never think to challenge the status quo. Many people don’t stop to ask themselves basic questions such as; am I fulfilling my purpose? Is the way I live making me happy? Am I fully utilizing my natural talents and my skills? Am I truly inspired by what I do? Others may like the idea of living a more authentic life, but simply don’t know how to go about it. They may find change a foreign concept. They may not have a strong sense of self, or how to discover their true purpose. Or perhaps it’s a struggle for them to get authentic in each of the various areas of their lives. A way to cut through the uncertainty is to ask; how is not choosing to play full- out affecting my life experience?

35 The Change7

For some people, the idea of facing their truth and making changes to live a more authentic life, just seems too confronting, or requires too much effort. Take for example a woman living in an abusive and controlling relationship for over twenty years. To the rest of the world, everything looked rosy. On the inside, she was sad, hurting and devoid of self-worth. She knew by staying she was not being authentic, but to leave would mean acknowledging wasted years. The fear of being alone and having to start again, was just too overwhelming, so she chose to live a lie. Being authentic can be about letting go. Maybe it’s the things that we hold onto that get in the way of being authentic, like ego, negative emotions, limiting beliefs, conflicts or unresolved issues. These can hold us back, make us feel stuck, and keep us sitting on the fence. On the journey to living an authentic life, one may have to let go of a few things along the way. Making change, even by choice, brings challenges. Habits of a lifetime, and those patterns of behavior that almost seem to be a part of us, are embedded into the unconscious mind. Yet, with the right tools, those patterns can easily be changed. There are numerous methods, tools and techniques to assist you in getting clarity about the authentic you. Find the means and ways that are congruent for you. Engage in your own journey, with whatever works for best for you. After all, your choice of approach should be authentic too. Enquire, explore, research, discover, study, investigate, reflect, meditate, engage and connect with self. Find what resonates best for you. There are many coaches and practitioners in personal and professional development that are suitably equipped to assist you. Personality and behavioral profiling tools can also be useful to gain clarity and a greater self-awareness about your own particular natural profile. The behavioral profiling tools I use, assist my clients to understand their personal and professional type, and through this understanding, how best to achieve results. When one works within their natural core behavioral style, they work to their natural strengths and abilities so things flow easily and effortlessly.

36 Insights into Self-Empowerment

While people may have the potential to develop and be flexible beyond their natural core style, if they move too far beyond it, then tasks can seem more difficult and less comfortable. The phrase “feeling like a square peg in a round hole” is an apt description when one is really outside of their comfort zone, and out of their natural flow. It’s not an authentic space to be. We see this frequently, don’t we? For example, specialists who move up the corporate ladder to find themselves struggling with the big-picture decision-making that is required of them as a leader. You may recall a job you struggled with or did not enjoy, simply because it wasn’t a good fit for you. And maybe there were jobs which felt much more like you, and you found them easier and much more pleasing. So how authentic are you in your choices of career, relationships, self-care, finances and lifestyle? Here’s a very simple technique that you can use to determine if something is really you, and it can be applied to any area of your life. Start with a blank sheet of paper. On the left hand side of the page, list the various aspects of you and your life, including the type of work you do, where you live, what you do in your spare time, the style of clothes you wear, people you spend time with, your wellness regime, your spending habits, and so forth. Make it a comprehensive list. Next to the list, make three columns, one with a heading titled ‘me’, another titled ‘partly me’ and the other titled ‘not me’. Work down your list, and consider with each aspect of your life – is this really me? Is it partly me? Or, is it not me? Then check the appropriate column. Notice how many aspects of your life fall into the ‘partly me’ and ‘not me’ columns. These are mismatches; parts of your life which do not completely fit with who you know yourself to be, and they won’t feel as good as those aspects in the ‘me’ column. Only you can truly decide on the interpretation of your results. A large number of ‘not me’ answers, would suggest a need to make some changes. You can now take action using your list as a constructive guide to living a life that’s more authentically you.

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It’s also valuable to check in on the ecology of your life choices. What if one life choice meant compromise in other areas of your life? For example, what if taking a long-term job in another country, meant having to leave your family behind? Would it be an ecologically sound choice to compromise the time you and your family experience together? Would such a choice bring you balance, happiness and peace? Or would you be left wanting on some level? Being authentic may require you to take stock of the bigger picture, to prioritize and find solutions that are the best for you and the environment you inhabit. And perhaps finding a happy compromise might just be the most authentic path for you. As a Success and Life Coach, I want my clients to reach their full potential and be the very best version of themselves, both personally and professionally. Not the best version of someone else. But the best version of who they are. To be truly authentic, it’s essential for them to see their own uniqueness, know their own strengths, learn tap into their own feelings, passions and values, and to get clear on their purpose, so they can do it their way. “You are you. Now, isn’t that pleasant?” - Dr. Seuss Perhaps it’s time to be true to yourself; time to be the person you want to be in the world; time to let the best version of you shine through. Being in your natural flow and allowing your natural talents to come to the fore can produce better results. You can embrace your gifts, your abilities, your strengths and your uniqueness. An authentic life is the life you were born to live. Whatever being authentic means to you, why not give it a fair chance in your life story? What if being authentic was to open up for you a new way of being, create new levels of happiness and harmony, and give you benefits beyond what you have ever imagined for your life? What if? ***

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Email: [email protected] Tel: (+61) 417 908 925 Website: www.creativecoach.co Facebook: Creative Coaching Solutions – Gillian Skeer Master Coach NLP LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gillianskeermastercoach

Valerie Bernard

Valerie Bernard is a Certified Coach, Trainer, Speaker, and co-author of Work Smarter Not Harder and Transformational Leadership. She is sought after for her expertise in intentional leadership coaching. She is founder and CEO of Executive Training Centers Inc. Since 2002, she has earned her stellar reputation by enhancing the performance of every organization she serves. High-energy, entertaining, and educational are words used to describe Valerie’s presentations. Her combination of expertise, humor, and inspiration energizes people to take action in both their personal and business lives. Bernard inspires big thinking, decisive action, and welcome results whether she is addressing groups of 12 mastermind team members or convention audiences of 5000. Valerie's leadership workshops deepen understanding about relationships and organizational systems. She is committed to transforming organizational leadership gaps into powerful performance advantages. Valerie is described by her clients as engaging, persuasive, and game changing for their organizations. Valerie is the performance improvement specialist HR executives engage to assess current situations, create stronger team collaborations, and bring about improved performance. She turns stressful situations into systematic, reliable performance improvements that give decision makers cause for celebration. Bernard earned her Master's Degree at Marshall University in Huntington, West Virginia. She intends to complete work on her Ph.D. in Human Performance Improvement from Capella University in December 2015.

41 The Biggest Game-CHANGER

By Valerie Bernard

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely." Unknown The biggest game-CHANGER is about having an open mind to all the opportunities which come our way when accepting change as a part of the process for learning, growing, and developing to become the very best YOU can be in all areas of your life. In Series 6, we touched upon six game changing principles to consider when facing or implementing change. If you have not reviewed this chapter, I would encourage you to get a copy, take some time to relax, and review the chapter. It should not take you more than 30 minutes, and I am confident you will have at least one-takeaway making this worth your time! While the Biggest Game-Changer, Series 6 focused on a combination of personal and professional ideas regarding change. This chapter is going to focus on change from my experience and role as a Performance Improvement Consultant. The chapter will further explore some things to consider when facing change in your organization or organizations you may serve. At the end of the chapter in Series 6, we challenged you to shift your perception or maybe your attitude toward change and make CHANGE happen. It is worth repeating Apple Inc.’s motto as a gentle reminder. “Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they

42 Insights into Self-Empowerment change things. They push the human race forward. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do." Are you crazy enough to think you can change the world? Read on… To add value to your organization, it is important to understand what it takes to make change initiatives succeed. Models, tools, and techniques combined with an understanding of systematic change can help us to be more successful. As a Human Performance Improvement Consultant and Founder and CEO of Executive Training Centers for the past 15 years, I have learned from some of the experts in this field as well as my own personal experiences. I think a basic understanding of these theories, models, tools, and techniques will provide you with a powerful opportunity to move an organization toward expanding the focus toward performance improvement when implementing change initiatives. As I share with you some of the ideas I have on the topic of Organizational Change, I start by asking the following four questions: Question 1: Are you familiar with participative and directive change? Question 2: Are you familiar with episodic change versus systemic change? Question 3: Did you know organizational change initiatives sometimes fail? Why? Question 4: Are you familiar with different change models when beginning a change initiative? If the answer to these four questions is no, please read on for some tips, strategies, and ideas regarding change. Recently, I had the opportunity to attend the annual conference for the International Society for Performance Improvement. It was an exciting time as I had the opportunity to personally work with and meet some of the experts in the field of Performance Improvement: Dr. Darlene Van Tiem, Dr. Roger Addison, Klaus Wittkuhn, Jack Phillips, Dr. Roger Chevalier, Dr. Judith Hale, and Dr. Charlotte Chase, just to name a few. The conference theme “Bridging Our Past

43 The Change7 and Future” seems appropriate when discussing the topic of change because in order to bridge the past to the future, we know we cannot do this successfully without some type of change. As trainers, coaches, human resource executives, performance improvement consultants, entrepreneurs, and the list goes on, we need to continually expand on our understanding of change to become an expert in offering change strategies. The discussion of change begins with a discussion regarding power. Question 1: Are you familiar with participative and directive change? Participative & Directive Change There are two basic types of organizational change: participative change & directive change. Etzioni begin this discussion in 1961 with personal power and position power. The discussion has since been expanded. In Dr. Roger Chevalier’s article, The Power to Change”, he discusses the usefulness of understanding how power is used to implement change. Dr. Chevalier tells us personal power is the “extent to which we gain the confidence and trust of others based on their perception of our personality, competence, and integrity.” He further describes position power as “the authority to use rewards or sanctions.” Personal power is the foundation for participative change and position power is the foundation for directive change. An understanding of the characteristics of both of these types of change will help us have a positive impact on performance and ultimately bottom-line results. Participative change is described as educating team members and allowing the team to share in the ownership of the change initiative. With participative change it may be slow to occur; however, with the team participation the research suggests it is long lasting change. Directive change is a top-down approach where the leader says the change is going to happen. This type of change requires position power. The ability for the leader to show the team the pay- off/reward is helpful for directing this type of change. Thinking in terms of performance improvement and focusing on process and systems add elements of both participative change and directive change. Leaders play a critical role in providing information and

44 Insights into Self-Empowerment feedback to the team. The behaviors and communication patterns of the leader have a direct impact on the team and the change initiative. Often times a situation or initiative will require a more directive approach with pre-determined standards. An example would be the conversion of objectives into short-term goals to serve as a guide. Performance may be improved as uncertainty is resolved. This type of systematic approach helps individuals to meet the goal and ultimately improving performance. In a participative style, knowledge is acquired through sharing. The participative change approach is innovative in nature and can lead to improved team attitudes. So the difference between the two can be explained in terms of improved performance (directive) and improved team attitudes (participative). Paul Hershey and Ken Blanchard discuss directive and participative change in their article “Change and Use of Power”. We know change has to happen or we become extinct. All organizations are faced with either becoming distinct due to being left behind or from competition. Undertaking change is necessary in order to continue to improve performance. Whether change is in increments as participative change suggests or in quick action as described by directive change, the rate of change is requiring more extensive change management plans to close the gaps and provide clear direction for moving forward. Improving organizational effectiveness and performance is not always about the directive approach to change with a strict and hard approach to reach the goals. It is often about the acceptance and ownership of the impact of all variables impacting behavior during a change initiative. Finding a balance between participative and directive change while fostering an environment which encourages participation of the most valuable resource the organization has (people) will lead to a successful change initiatives. Another perspective to consider as a leader is episodic versus systematic change. Question 2: Are you familiar with episodic change versus systemic change?

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Episodic Change vs. Systemic Change Episodic Change The discussion on episodic behavior began with Kurt Lewin in 1951. Lewin’s change model looked at behavior as the product of two opposing forces. He proposed in order for change to take place driving change in individual behavior is a function of “reducing the forces maintaining the status quo while strengthening the forces for change.” The process of doing this has three steps: unfreezing, moving, and refreezing (Anchor new approaches in the culture, monitor progress, and adjust the vision). See Figure 1. With this framework, episodic change is a process that organizations and people use to bridge the past to the future while closing the gap between the way things are to the way things need to be. Leadership expert and Professor at the Harvard Business School, John Kotter, has expended on Lewin’s model and provides an eight- step plan to episodic change. See Figure 2. {Step 1-3 below = Unfreezing} {Steps 4-8 below = Moving}. John Kotter has recently updated his process from his extensive research in his 2014 book Accelerate. Accelerate: 8-Step Process (2014) Run the steps concurrently and continuously Form a large volunteer army from up, down and across the organization to serve as the change engine Function in a network flexibly and agilely outside of, but in conjunction with, a traditional hierarchy Operate as if strategy is a dynamic force by constantly seeking opportunities, identifying initiatives to capitalize on them, and completing them quickly and efficiently Systemic Change Systemic change is a global understanding of the change initiative. A performance improvement consultant and facilitator of change must help the entire organization develop a vision of the ideal system. Everyone in the organization must have a passion for the

46 Insights into Self-Empowerment new vision. Systemic change can be viewed as a decision-oriented approach to changing which considers all parts of the whole and the relationship among these parts. Systemic change is a change of the system. Peter Senge in his book The Fifth Discipline, suggests three characteristics of a systems thinking approach: “A very deep and persistent commitment to ‘real learning’” “I have to be prepared to be wrong. If it was pretty obvious what we ought to be doing, then we’d be already doing it. So I’m part of the problem, my own way of seeing things, my own sense of where there’s leverage, is probably part of the problem. This is the domain we’ve always called ‘mental models.’ If I’m not prepared to challenge my own mental models, then the likelihood of finding non-obvious areas of leverage are very low.” The need to triangulate. You need to get different people, from different points of view, who are seeing different parts of the system to come together and collectively start to see something that individually none of them see.” Learning to change is an important part of change. Learning to change is connected with systemic change and systems thinking beginning with the development of a vision. Episodic change addresses symptoms whereas systemic change addresses root causes which affect the whole system. In order to implement effect change strategies, it is important to identify the goals and results the organizations is trying to achieve. By identifying the value added to the organization, and identifying champion in the organization, we can overcome the challenges and ensure organization performance is improved. Question 3: Did you know organizational change initiatives sometimes fail? Why? Implementation Failure Kotter suggests, “More than 70% of needed change either fails to be launched, fails to be completed or finishes over budget, late and with initial aspiration unmet.” Charles Darwin stated, “It is not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent: it is the one most adaptable to change. Is this the same for organizations? I think

47 The Change7 so. The organizations that embrace change survive. Like I mentioned in Series 6, my father, Van Bernard, used to say “you are either eating dust or making dust.” Either you are in the driver’s seat or someone else is driving. As a leader of change management, the ability to create a sense of urgency even when times are good is a tough balance. According to John Kotter of Harvard Business School, in his article “Why Transformation Efforts Fail” he outlined six common reasons why change programs fail in organizations: Failure to create a sense of urgency. If people don't understand why change is needed, then they stay in their comfort zones. Failure to create a coalition for change. You have to get the 'movers & shakers' on board at the beginning. Failure to understand the power of vision and to communicate it powerfully, through word and deed. Failure to remove obstacles to change. They hold you up, and exhaust the energy and resources. Failing to achieve 'quick wins'. They prove it is not only possible, but relevant. Declaring victory too soon. If you don't keep at it, it vanishes overnight. Change has to become embedded, habituated and part of the culture. How do you successfully transform business? Kotter’s 8 Critical Steps to Success have to be followed in the right order. Kotter further discusses that well over 50% of the organizations he watched failed in the first phase. Quotes from John P. Kotter regarding the 8- steps. “If you cannot communicate the vision to someone in five minutes or less and get a reaction that signifies both understanding and interest you are not done creating the vision!” (Step 3) “After a few years of hard work, managers may be tempted to declare victory with the first clear performance improvement. While celebrating the win is fine, declaring the war won can be catastrophic. (Step 7)

48 Insights into Self-Empowerment

“In the final analysis, change sticks when it becomes "the way we do things around here," when it seeps into the bloodstream of the corporate body. Until new behaviors are rooted in social norms and shared values, they are subject to degradation as soon as the pressure for change is removed.” (Step 8) Other reasons change fails in organizations include: the failure to learn, insufficient communication, getting stuck in the present, misalignment of rewards, insufficient infrastructure, no outside perspective, slow and ineffective decision making, insufficient attention to customer needs, and not understanding the time and resources for people to learn. The statistics are definitely frightening. A Harris poll conducted in the United States revealed that only 27% of surveyed people trust the government, 22% trust the media, 12% trust big companies and 8% trust political parties; interestingly, this data has universally regressed from just one generation ago. Recent surveys from Watson Wyatt, The Concours Group, Mercer and KPMG indicate similar trends in our organizations; only 51% of employees have trust and confidence in senior management, 40% of employees’ trust that their bosses communicate honestly, 36% of employees believe their leaders act with honesty and integrity, and 76% of employees have observed unethical conduct on the job. Change efforts never take place in a vacuum; there is always an environmental, organizational and personal context to be considered. John Kotter’s model gives a guideline for implementation which increase an organizations probability of success. Question 4: Are you familiar with different change models when beginning a change initiative? Almost everyone has a few ideas or theories about change management. We have already taken a look at John Kotter and Lewin’s Change Management Model. Two more to consider are McKinsey 7-S Model, and VanTiem, Moseley, & Dessinger’s Human Performance Improvement Model. In 1982, Tom Peters and Robert Waterman published their seminal management book In Search of Excellence. In their book they found

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8 common themes for success. The research and theory built on this book was derived from the McKinsey 7-S Model. The elements of the model include: structure, strategy, systems, style of management, skills, staff, and shared values. Hard elements are strategy, structure, and systems. While soft elements include shared values, skills, staff, and style. The McKinsey 7-S model was created by Robert Waterman, Tom Peters, Richard Pascale, and Anthony Athos in 1978 and offers four primary benefits: Effective method to diagnose and understand an organization Provides guidance in organizational change Combines rational and emotional components All parts are integral and must be addressed in an unified manner As you can see from Figure 3, all of the elements are interrelated with this model. Shared values are the heart of the organization. Shared values for the framework linking the other elements together. Finding a balance among all of the elements means identifying gaps which create an imbalance. Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, states “Begin with the end in mind.” Using the 7-S model as a change agent, one can focus on aligning all seven elements knowing the end goal which needs achieved. At the heart of understanding organizational change, The Human Performance Improvement Model provides a framework to help identify opportunities for improvement in the organization. Under the topic of change management, Figure 4 shows the six segments of the model: analysis, intervention selection, design and development, implementation and maintenance, and evaluation. Dr. Darlene Van Tiem, J.L. Moseley, and J.C. Dessigner describe human performance technology as “the science and art of improving people, process, and performance”. The Human Performance Improvement model addresses root causes with appropriate interventions to improve effectiveness and efficiencies of procedures. For actual change to take place, interventions need to be determined to address gaps. Intervention is a critical component when discussing change. Planning the appropriate intervention is not a simplistic process in most cases.

50 Insights into Self-Empowerment

William Rothwell suggests, “A good solution that is poorly implemented becomes a poor solution.” Gaining an understanding of the Human Performance Improvement model is the first step in ensuring structured problem solving results in the desired change outcome. The HPT model provides a unique approach and ultimate goal of maximizing bottom-line results for organizations. A more detailed discussion of this model will be found in Series 8! There is a great deal we can learn from the aforementioned theories, model, and ideas regarding change. If there is a single call to action from this Chapter, it would be to dig deeper into the topic of change and figure how to “Bridge the Past to the Future” to gain a greater understanding of what tools may be effective for you and your organization. It is my hope you have new information causing you to think about change and performance. Digging deeper into the topic of change will help you to gain insights and understanding to solve performance challenges and achieve business results for the organizations you serve. I leave you with a few quotes on change followed by the models outlined in this chapter. See you in Series 8!! Quotes on change: “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” –Zig Ziglar “It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.”-W. Edwards Deming “Problems cannot be solved by the same kind of thinking that created them”- Einstein "When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal, you do not change your decision to get there." –Zig Ziglar

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Figure 1: Kurt Lewin’s Change Model

Figure 2: John Kotter’s 8-step Change Model

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Figure 3: McKinsey 7-S Framework

Figure 4. Performance improvement/HPT model. From Performance Improvement/HPT Model (http://www.ispi.org/images/HPT-Model/HPT-Model-2012.jpg) by D. M. Van Tiem, J. L. Moseley, and J. C. Dessinger, 2012b. Copyright 2012 by International Society for Performance Improvement. Reprinted with permission.

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Contact Information: Ms. Valerie Bernard Executive Training Centers, Inc. Post Office Box 433 Point Pleasant, WV 25550 Cell: 304.941.4653 Email: [email protected] Twitter: @ValerieBernard Web: www.executivetrainingcenters.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/executivetrainingcenters

54 Kyle McCue

Kyle McCue is a fearless entrepreneur with over 20 years of experience running companies of all sizes and learning exactly what it takes to create and run a successful business. As an entrepreneur he learned very early that you must be extremely resilient and MUST be committed to your mission and follow through with your plan. He has a strong belief that everything is within reach and that if you want something bad enough you can achieve it. Being a successful entrepreneur means that you have to be ready to what the next person isn’t willing to do. You need to be involved in every aspect of your business and you need to do whatever it takes to reach your goals. He is considered a top sales and marketing expert that has mastered the art of the deal understanding the complete path from start to finish. As President of Quanta (the fastest growing personal development company on the market), he spends his time working with entrepreneurs helping them realize their full potential and building a successful business. He is passionate about sharing what he has learned over the years and helping entrepreneurs to get over some of the hurdles that he has seen in the past.

55 Chasing Life

By Kyle McCue

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.” ― Steve Maraboli, It always amazes me how far we will go to make a change once we truly decide that we truly want to change. Many times it takes a life- altering event to wake a person up and show them how precious the little time they have is. Story after story tells a similar tale of tragedy or near death, which scares somebody into taking action. But does it really need to come to that? We all have our own story. How we were raised, the environment we lived in, our parents, our school environment, all of our teachers, coaches, bosses, etc. have had a hand in shaping us into the people that we are today (both good and bad). All of these factors helped form your confidence, strengths, weaknesses, limiting beliefs, and so on. The “you” that you see in the mirror today didn’t just happen. It happened over many years layer-by-layer, experience-by- experience. So what if you aren’t happy with the “you” that you have become? It’s simple. Decide that it is time to Change and then do it. My story isn’t quite that dramatic. There wasn’t a car accident, heart attack, or major trauma. But there was a life-altering event that was enough to awaken something inside of me that created massive change in my life. I thought that I had it all until it all came crashing

56 Insights into Self-Empowerment down around me. We will get to that in a minute. But first let me tell you a little about me and my journey. The entrepreneur bug bit me when I was young. It started by taking on a paper route when I was 12 years old. It was a small paper route in the beginning. But I soon realized that it wasn’t enough for me. So when the route next to mine opened up, I decided to add it to my existing route, which doubled my territory. Over the next few years I did the same thing three more times and soon I had the largest territory in our neighborhood. It was so large that I had to enlist help (hire an employee) in order to complete my Saturday delivery (we had to deliver two different papers that day). I recognized early on that it really wasn’t the money that I loved; it was the feeling it gave me. It allowed me to be in control of what I wanted. Back then, the things I wanted were small things like a new skateboard or going to the arcade with my friends. But coming from a family that didn’t have much, it was important to me to not be perceived as the poor kid on the block that I was. I wouldn’t say that I was dirt poor growing up. We had a house in a nice neighborhood and food on the table, which is a lot more than a lot of kids had. We had just enough money for the “needs” and not the “wants”. So I decided that I wouldn’t leave the fate of my skateboarding career or my social status to my parents. I would just figure out how to earn the money that I needed on my own. So every morning I woke up a couple hours before all of my classmates and went to work. I had no idea back then how much this would impact my life. I learned at a very early age something that a lot of grown adults still don’t have, discipline. My daily routine was the starting point of the structure that I have implemented throughout my life that has brought me massive success. I held on to my paper route until I was 17 years old. At that point I also had a job and school that kept me busy. But it wasn’t long before I needed more. So I decided it would be best to leave school early and go to college. But less than a year later, Operation Desert Storm started and I joined the ARMY. This was probably one of the best choices I could have made at the time. The ARMY taught me even more discipline. It became the norm for me to get up early and

57 The Change7 accomplish more before noon than most people would all day. It was exactly what I needed. All of this is what I like to consider the foundation that I have grown my success on over the past two decades. There weren’t a lot of jobs for people fresh out of the ARMY so I needed to take control and create a job. So I started a small landscaping company. The money was great and I loved the physical work. But it wasn’t where my passion was. I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted to do yet but I knew it wasn’t landscaping. So when my fiancés father offered me a job installing computer cabling in buildings for $6.67 per hour I jumped at it. Although it was only a fraction of what I was making with my landscaping business, I wasn’t about to miss out on whatever was on the other side of the door that was just opened for me. I knew it had to be great things. It didn’t take long for me to move up the ladder from cable installer to the telecom manager for a Fortune 500 Company. Suddenly at age 25 I was managing people that had been employed by the company I worked for longer than I had been alive. It was an amazing feeling. But still, it wasn’t enough. During that time I got married, had a couple kids, and started my family. Things were good. We had a nice house and I made enough money for my wife to do exactly what she wanted which was stay home and raise our kids. According to how most of us are taught, that should’ve been enough right? We learn from a very early age that you should go to school, work hard, and get good grades. If you do this you will get into a good college. Then if you do well in college you will get a good, stable job. That way when you meet the love of your life you can settle down, buy a house, have kids and live happily ever after. So according to everything that I was taught over the years, I was right on par and doing great. But I didn’t buy into it. It just wasn’t enough for me. Therefore I looked for the next big thing. Start-ups were the craze and living in the Silicon Valley, I was in the epicenter. So I left my safe, comfy, and stable job and went to a start-up company that could challenge me and where I could grow. And that was the trend

58 Insights into Self-Empowerment over the next few years until one day I figured out that I would never find what I wanted working for someone else. I was drawn back to the kid in me that didn’t want my fate decided by others. So I went to work figuring out how to get what I wanted. One of the hardest things for people to do is step outside of their comfort zone. It is so easy to just sit back and coast. But for most, this is exactly what keeps you from achieving the greatness that you have inside of you. This is what holds you back from having everything that you want in life. This is what might be keeping you from being truly happy. But once you truly commit and take that first step, the fear that hold you back starts to diminish. Over the next 10 years I was on the founding team of a number of companies. I raised over $20 million dollars for these companies and worked in a number of different markets. For the most part I focused on health and wellness and direct response marketing. I became an expert in sales and marketing and excelled at bringing products to market quickly. Life was exciting and fast paced. I had it all. A beautiful wife, wonderful kids, vacations, cars, everything we ever wanted. But again, it just wasn’t enough. I needed more. I wasn’t sure what it was that I needed. All I knew was I needed more. So the next move I made needed to be a big one. And it was. This changed everything. A friend of mine that had spent some time researching this hot new market in algae fuel approached me and asked if I was interested in changing the world. Now this was right up my alley. Change the world? I am in. Over the next few years he and I invented, patented, and built one of the world’s largest freestanding photo bioreactors. It was amazing. We quickly rose to the top of our market and grabbed the attention of investors, news outlets, and government leaders around the world. I spent more time in Washington D.C. than I ever thought I would. I successfully lobbied and won $1.5 billion dollars for our market proving to the world that even if you are a tiny little company, you could make a huge difference. It was insane that in a few short years I was the CEO of a top biotech company and was working closely with government agencies towards a solution that could change the world.

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It looked like everything was going exactly as I planned. But I soon figured out how out of control my life really was. I’m not talking about the crazy out of control that most of us think about when that term is used. I am talking about not being balanced in life that then leads to things breaking down. It’s kind of like when you are doing your laundry and more of the cloths move to one side of the washer. The next thing you know the washing machine is hopping all over and out of control. Sometimes it’s just a pair of jeans that throws it out of whack. But if you don’t stop the washer and look for what is causing the imbalance, it will just keep banging away until it runs its cycle or it breaks down. I should have paid more attention and looked for the imbalance in my life. This is about the time that things came crashing down around me. Like I said in the beginning it wasn’t in the form of a major tragedy or accident. It was in the form of a divorce. A massive change to not only my life, but to everyone involved. Those of you that are divorced understand what I am talking about. Divorce completely turns your life upside down. It was a massive blow to me not just because my wife had decided that she didn’t want to be married to me, but because I had always lived my life telling people and myself that the reason I was an entrepreneur is because I wanted to live a lifestyle that most couldn’t. I wanted to be there for my family. I wanted to control how my time was going to be spent and whom I was going to spend that time with. The problem was that somewhere along the way I lost sight of the big picture. I lost sight of the real dream and the real reason that I did everything that I did. There I was in a predicament that I put myself in but hated more than anything that I had ever hated in my life. Realistically I did it to myself, but it didn’t make it any easier. I was now in a mode that I wasn’t comfortable with, it was a mode that I couldn’t control at all. And if you haven’t figured this out yet, I am a bit of a control freak. So now what? What do I do next? After 18 years of marriage I was starting over. It forced me to look at my life and what went wrong. The crazy thing is that I can tell you exactly when things changed. In a six year period, I went from being extremely happy, spending quality time with my family, staying in great shape, and having

60 Insights into Self-Empowerment plenty of money to being divorced, living in an apartment, 25 pounds overweight, miserable, and pretty much broke. So I had to ask myself again, now what? I decided to take this opportunity to look at my life and to really examine it. I understood how to do this because over the past 20 years, I had focused a lot of my spare time on personal development. This goes all the way back to the 90’s when I read my first Tony Robbins book Awaken the Giant Within. Over the years I spent a lot of time reading books and listening to personal development experts and learning. I believed (and still do) that the mind is no different than the body. I spent time keeping my body healthy so I should do the same with my mind. So it was pretty easy reach into the memory banks and start pulling from all the lessons over the years and come up with a solution. What was the biggest change that happened to me over the years that brought me to this point? Was it the people I was working with? Was it the types of companies that I was working with? What was it? The biggest difference I saw in me was that suddenly my ego was bigger than I was. Not in the way where you would see it on the outside. This was something internal. I had been trying to prove to myself that I could make it for so many years that I didn’t realize that I had already made it. I had everything that I could have ever wished for. But sometimes it is right in front of you and you just don’t see it. So it was at that point that I decided I was going to reverse my thinking and do something that I missed in the past. I defined what success was to me. This led me to the greatest decision I have ever made. I decided to stop chasing money and to start chasing Life. What does that mean? Well to me money was how I measured success. No matter how much money I earned I needed more. It seemed to be the one thing that I woke up for everyday and that was a sad realization. In the midst of everything I don’t think I realized that was who I had become and I had to face it head on. I needed to find something better to drive the rest of my life. I knew that I could make money. But now I needed to make a difference.

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The first step was to figure out what my new life would look like. Where would I wake up every day? What would I do first? How would I spend my days and who would I spend them with? Once I had the clear picture of what my dream life looked like it was time to put together a plan and a path to get me there. To me, that is what change is all about. It’s about figuring out what it is that you want and then figuring out how to get it. The number one thing in my life has always been my family. I may have lost sight of that for a short time, but once that came back into focus it was easy to understand how I would spend my days. I needed to find balance. Remember the washing machine earlier? I had to take a look at what was out of balance and rearrange my life in order to bring things back into balance. So I went to work putting systems in place to bring me balance. In order to properly take care of others you need to first take care of yourself. I already had the knowledge and tools to do it. I just needed to implement the disciplined again and put them to work. It all starts with a plan. I planned my days, weeks, months, and years. I started to set achievable goals and started pushing myself to hit every one of them. A plan like this may look different for everyone, but the fundamentals are all the same. My days were suddenly filled with things that strengthened my mind and body. I would start my day with minimum 15 minutes of meditation to clear my mind and allow me to become centered. It is so much easier to take on the day when your mind is in the right place. Next I made sure that I always scheduled time for fitness and for eating properly. Your body is like a machine and breaks down if not taken care of properly. All that was left was planning my work and organizing it in the most efficient manner, which then freed up the rest of my time for the important things like my kids. What an amazing difference this made. I have eliminated the majority of the stress in my life and can truly say that I enjoy every minute that I am alive. The precious time that I have is spent doing the things that I love. I am very proud to say that I have never missed a dance recital, soccer game, baseball game, cheer competition, parent teacher conference, or any other event that I consider the most

62 Insights into Self-Empowerment important to me. I work from my home, which allows me the freedom to do everything that I want with the most important people in my life. I can confidently answer the question I asked early on. Can you make the necessary changes in your life before some life altering event forces you to? The answer is absolutely yes. All it takes is the desire to change and the strength to say “today is the day”. I would like to personally invite you to start chasing life with me. *** To contact Kyle: Email: [email protected] Phone: 408-828-1000 Websites: http://kylemccue.com http://journeywithkyle.com Social Media: Facebook: http://facebook.com/kylemccue Twitter: http://twitter.com/@mccuekyle Google+: http://plus.google.com/+kylemccue LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kylemccue

Christine Suva

Christine Suva has spent a lifetime exploring her insatiable passion for personal and professional development! She’s a Certified Professional Life & Career Coach, Speaker, Trainer, Consultant, two time Amazon #1 International Best Selling Author and interviewed for television and radio. As Founder and President of THRIVE Coach Services, Inc., she is deeply committed to helping others find passion, purpose and success in their lives! Her business is the culmination of over 20 years’ experience guiding thousands across the country to achieve career and personal goals as an Outplacement Consultant and Wellness Professional in the education, healthcare, corporate, and community settings. Her clients are often in a place of reinvention and/or career transition who want more than traditional career transition services and seek a greater sense of meaning and purpose in their lives. Her approach is holistic, comprehensive and involves both the full scope of career transition services and inner game of mastering the mindset for success. Her most popular programs are her Career Mindset Mastery Series and Inspire You Now programs. Chris feels deep gratitude for being called to her highest purpose in her work and enjoys helping others discover, develop and live out their highest calling in their lives!

65 Mastering Your Mindset for Success

By Christine Suva

“Marilyn!” “Yes, Mom?” “Come in here, please.” At 22, tall, slim, with light brown hair; Marilyn Spencer was beautiful and full of youthful energy. She bounded into the dining room. “What is it?” she asked noticing her mom was clearly excited. “There’s a concert at Kiel Auditorium in 3 weeks. The pianist had to back out, and they want you to take his place!” Her mom whispered excitedly holding the phone to her chest. “It’s Gershwin’s ‘Rhapsody in Blue’, and you’d be playing with an orchestra. I think you should do it! Can you learn it and have it memorized in time?” “Yes! I believe I can!” “She’ll do it!” Marilyn prayed that God would help her do what seemed impossible! It was 1957, and Kiel Auditorium was the largest arena in St. Louis seating 9,300. She practiced tirelessly. Three weeks later, in her beautiful floor length gown, she gave a perfect performance! Her hard work, belief in her abilities and strong faith allowed her to take big risks, and each time her talent and confidence grew! For context, it’s important to learn a little about Marilyn’s personal life. Her parents owned a four flat apartment building across from the Missouri Botanical Garden. In the other 3 units were her grandparents and 2 sets of aunts and uncles. She had a rich family life, spending many evenings with family and friends playing in the garden until bedtime. They helped her feel grounded and connected to something larger than herself. For Marilyn, family came first. Period! By learning to pursue her passion balanced with her values and priorities; she learned to make the best choices for herself. She

66 Insights into Self-Empowerment knew what she was willing to sacrifice and what was non- negotiable, and learned to trust her instincts. The foundation for building a life without regrets was being set. Earlier, at thirteen, Marilyn received another amazing opportunity. She was offered a scholarship to Juilliard! She started taking piano lessons at eight years old from her mother, a graduate of the Conservatory of Music and an accomplished pianist herself. Her gift was obvious, and she progressed quickly, even playing recitals on the radio in St. Louis. Juilliard was an opportunity of a lifetime! She asked herself, “Is traveling the world as a concert pianist MY dream? And, am I willing to uproot my family or go alone across country to pursue that dream?” With those two questions, she had her answer. “No.” Instead, she went on to study Music Education at Washington University and, over a 35 year career, instilled the love of music in thousands of children! She took time off from teaching when her kids were young, and was the choir director and organist at church. She played for special events at Medinah Temple and Orchestra Hall, Chicago and was the accompanist for the professional show “A Chorus Line”. Today, at 80 years old, amid health challenges, she will still sit down at that grand piano in her living room and practice for hours – even if her only audience is her loving husband! Why? Because she LOVES it! It’s what she was MADE for! Now I have a question for you. Has she pursued her life’s purpose even though she said “No” to Juilliard? Absolutely! She’s joyfully created her legacy while staying in alignment with her values and priorities. Reinventing herself to honor her stage in life, she’s expressed her passion in multiple ways, in multiple environments, at multiple levels. Marilyn never lost sight of her highest priority of family and made decisions with that in mind. She knew that traveling the world as a concert pianist would not give her the family life she wanted most. She’s never stopped growing and learning. Her involvement in her passion has been LIFELONG! THAT is how you create a life without regrets and leave your legacy to the world! And THAT is what I want MOST for YOU!

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THIS IS AN INVITATION FOR YOU TO THINK BIGGER ABOUT WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO! After spending 20 years as a wellness professional, outplacement consultant and now in my Life & Career Coaching business; I have helped thousands of individuals and groups interested in personal and professional development. Their goals have included improving their wellness, becoming more effective leaders or reinventing their life and career to find more meaning and fulfillment. In many cases, they appeared to have it all but felt empty and often guilty for wondering, “Is this all there is?” They needed a change! Some knew what they wanted but weren’t making progress. Others had no idea what they wanted or where to start. There is nothing I love more than helping people discover their calling, building their confidence to OWN it, and equipping them to share it! It’s not easy. Most things worth having aren’t. Achieving success DOES take sacrifice and change, but you need to know what your non-negotiables are; to know yourself well enough to let YOUR sense of purpose, values and priorities guide you. Why Am I Here? If you’ve ever felt you’ve lost your identity and felt you were barely hanging on, consider this: You are NOT your job! You are NOT your title, company or business! You are NOT your bank account, car or house! You are FAR bigger than any roles you play or any material thing you’ll ever own! You are here to do what only you can do in your unique way. It’s what were you born to do. If you don’t know it, that’s your first step! You simply cannot build a life you love without knowing who you are. I know from personal experience that reinvention is a process of coming back to yourself! In 1995, my life turned upside down in 5 days. Monday, I broke off a serious relationship. Tuesday, I found out my job had been eliminated. Wednesday, I planned to sign a new lease and move in Friday. Instead, I moved 1 ½ hours away, back in with my parents at 28, to a community where I knew no one. My sister, Jenny said, “God has something entirely different planned for you!” It was the darkest time in my life! Even though some of those changes were good and my choice, having all of them happening at

68 Insights into Self-Empowerment once was overwhelming! I had to turn every tool I had as a wellness professional on myself to completely reinvent my life. I realized I had the opportunity to consciously choose what I wanted to create. It was a fresh canvas, and I had the paintbrush! That job, though within my purpose, had become frustrating and no longer fit. I wasn’t a quitter and kept thinking, “It’ll get better,” but I felt burnt out and my passion was fading. Sometimes, when we don’t listen to that inner voice saying, “It’s time for a change,” God and the universe will make that change FOR us – a job loss, the end of a relationship, etc. I had outplacement and got the perfect job for me then and two years later married my wonderful husband, Tom! Believe me! Our darkest times often create beautiful new beginnings! Sometimes, you need a tear down/rebuild! My faith, family and friends helped keep my hope alive. I trust the process of reinvention and am grateful that my world fell apart back then. I wouldn’t be where I am if it hadn’t! I realized that I am stronger and more resilient than I imagined! The value of every lesson, tool, and strategy it took for me to find my way out is forever etched in my heart. My husband lost his job at the start of the recession, so I know both sides of that coin well! It can be very stressful and scary, but you absolutely can come out stronger, healthier, and happier with your relationship intact and thriving! When defining your purpose it should: Come naturally to you Engage your gifts and strengths Be something you love so much you’d do it for free Allow for lifelong involvement Common mistakes when defining your purpose: Defining it too narrowly by a specific job title, company, business or role Inability to express it in multiple ways at multiple levels Letting others decide what you should do and who you should be

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Inability to reinvent with life stages and shifting priorities Look back over your life to discover your “golden thread”. Typically, there’s overlap between your education, training, interests and jobs you’ve held. What is consistent? The table below is an example from my background. What’s Your Golden Thread?

I knew my purpose in my teens which guided everything I’ve done! It’s like an internal compass that keeps you on track. Try this for yourself. Look for the overlap of roles, skills and interests. Questions to ask yourself: When have I felt totally on fire? What was I doing, and with whom? What am I most passionate about? What can I do and completely lose track of time? What do I love so much, I’d do it for free? Living a life of meaning and purpose is not “all or nothing”, nor is it a “one and done” thing. Staying involved with your passion can mean everything from watching concerts on television to traveling the world as a musician and everything in between! When you define your purpose that way, you can reinvent it lifelong! Go back

70 Insights into Self-Empowerment to the woman at the beginning. If she had pursued traveling the world as a concert pianist, she would have denied herself the family life she wanted most. So, she found a way to do both that worked for her! What if you aren’t someone who has always known their purpose? What if your environment growing up pointed out more of what you weren’t than WHO you are? In some families, it’s assumed you know your gifts so acknowledging them is frowned upon. In that case, it’s hard to know your purpose or find direction. There are often misbeliefs running in the background that get in the way. A mentor or coach can help! Insecurities, self-doubt and old programming will rise up when you’re pushing your self-imposed boundaries. If you expect it as a normal part of the process, you can avoid letting fear take hold and derail your movement forward. Master Your Mindset The most pervasive hindrance to creating a fulfilling, successful life is your mindset! Many who are outwardly successful feel empty on the inside and trapped by the “golden handcuffs” of a good salary, benefits, and title. They desperately want a change, but don’t know where to start. A variety of blocks come up: “What will my spouse, family, friends, colleagues think?” “It’s not logical. Why would I leave security and success for an unknown?” “I have a family to care for. It’s too risky.” “It’s all about the kids now. What I want doesn’t matter anymore.” “What if I fail?” “What if I succeed, and my life changes too much?” “Making my passion my job will ruin it.” “It’s too late to change.”

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It breaks my heart. We were not created to be miserable! I believe in being responsible and don’t recommend making big changes haphazardly. However, I’ve also seen what being “responsible” does when that means working in a spirit crushing job that poisons a person’s life. Many pay for it with broken relationships, a devastating health crisis, addictions and even death. NO JOB is worth that! It’s possible to build a life of happiness and fulfillment and STILL be responsible! Science has proven that everything alive is made of and emanates energy. A good analogy is to think of your energy as a radio frequency. The energy we transmit either works for or against us. By learning to shift your energy, you can attract people, circumstances and situations you want with less stress and more success. People who resonate at the level of “victim thinking” often complain that everyone else has it easier. This kind of thinking literally repels success. You see it in the workplace. Negative corporate cultures flood Corporate America. Many of my clients are highly valuable employees who are tired of working in a toxic environment and want me to help them get out! Part of the problem is the prevalence of “conflict energy”. When the overall culture of an organization is one of competition and mistrust, where employees horde information as power rather than working together and leaders have an abusive management style – everyone suffers, including the company bottom line. Mindset can make all the difference in career transition! You can have an impeccable resume, but if your mindset disempowers you, that resume won’t matter! I work with executives in transition who’ve had great success but find themselves mired in self-doubt and fear. Their confidence is rattled, and they’ve lost sight of their abilities and accomplishments. As a result, they often begin behaving in ways that are counterproductive. They hide behind the computer, and don’t network or follow up. When they don’t hear back or get a negative response, it only fuels their belief that they’ve lost it and may never regain ground professionally. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When they learn to shift their energy and recognize their fear for what it is, they can get centered in their value. Standing in that confident mindset, they can present their story and what they’re looking for with a positive attitude. That’s

72 Insights into Self-Empowerment where an objective person or coach can shift them toward effective action and a successful outcome. If you have a coaching business, but doubt you have value to offer. That insecurity holds you back. You tweak your website and blog posts, spend hours on trainings because, “It’s not perfect yet.” And those you are meant to serve suffer, waiting to find you - and you burn out! Your passion fades, and you wonder if it’s possible to make a living doing what you love. The sad truth is many quit just before they would have had the transformation they’ve been seeking. Moms often say, “It doesn’t matter what I want anymore. It’s all about the kids.” I respectfully disagree! I’m a mom too, and there is absolutely nothing I will ever do as amazing as raising my children! After four miscarriages, I don’t take motherhood lightly! Even if I say, “You can be anything you want! Just go for it,” what I actually DO in my own life will override any words! Don’t just tell them. SHOW them! Build a Vision When people aren’t sure where they want to go, they stay stuck - sometimes for decades. But when you have a clear vision that is powerful and compelling, and you’ve learned to shift your energy; it can pull you into action toward success! If you don’t have YOUR vision, begin by asking: Why am I here? What are my strengths, skills, passions, values & priorities? What do I want my life to look like at this stage? What legacy do I want to create and why? To get something different, you’ve got to be willing to DO something different! Build a vision for the legacy you want to create and take action in that direction. In Closing:

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The woman at the beginning of this chapter is my mother. Her choice to stay in St. Louis and study music education led to her daily practice in an auditorium at Washington University, where a handsome young man would quietly slip in to hear her play. Weeks later, he finally got the nerve to stay and introduce himself. John Gillham had also been very accomplished from a young age. He was class president and a leader in the United Methodist Youth Program. They fell in love. Just prior to proposing, he was approached regarding a Rhodes Scholarship to Oxford University – considered the most prestigious scholarship in the world! He too was faced with a critical decision and chose to marry the woman who held his heart over the very impressive invitation to study abroad. The newly-weds moved to Yale University where John graduated from seminary. He pastored churches for more than 40 years, counseling, teaching adult classes and mentoring seminary students into retirement. Even now, after 57 years of marriage, they spend summer evenings on Chicago’s lakefront at Millennium Park listening to the orchestra play beautiful music under the stars. I share their story because they are living, breathing examples of what living a life of meaning and purpose in alignment with your priorities looks like. They modeled intentional decision making; even if, to the outside world, those choices didn’t fit with what they “should” want. It is because of my parents that I do this work! Their example of choosing to live life without regrets is one of their greatest gifts to me. Their consistent drawing my attention to my own gifts and encouragement to develop and share them has allowed me to live my life the same way. Those lessons were invaluable and are what I now share with others. In the months leading up to writing this chapter, my mother had a serious health crisis. Even in those frightening months, I had the profound realization that she was still teaching me! She was revealing the POWER of having lived your life that way - sharing the gift you were MADE to share - in alignment with your values, leaving nothing unsaid and nothing undone. There is comfort and peace for the individual and the family! She has played life full out! You can’t ask for more than that! Thankfully, she has recovered, and we are thoughtful not to waste a day!

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And now, it’s MY calling - MY mission - to help others embrace their gifts, confidently OWN them, and enable them to THRIVE! The world needs what YOU have! Your future awaits! *** To contact Christine: Christine Suva, Founder & President of THRIVE Coach Services, Inc. www.thrivecoachservices.com 630-427-7432 www.linkedin.com/in/christinesuva Twitter: Christinesuva@LivetoTHRIVE1 www.youtube.com/watch?v=rucFacf2ESk

Lori Hanson

Lori Hanson spent thirty years climbing the ladder in Corporate America, and although she enjoyed financial success and loyal clients, it was never enough. When health issues led to a new journey that brought healing from bulimia and the addictive behaviors she used to numb out, she wrote her first book. Then she left corporate to pursue her passion of being a motivational speaker. A Performance Coach for Business Women, she founded Learn2Balance and inspires female executives and business owners through her transformational coaching programs and women’s retreats. Much more than a life or business coach, Lori integrates holistic nutrition and mindset to build the foundation for success. Clients learn to unclutter their lives, find their voice and lead their “pack(s)” confidently. Now the author of four books, Lori shares personal stories and teaches strategies for heart-centered leadership in her latest book, Stress Survival Kit™ for the Alpha Female. Lori has appeared on radio and television programs internationally, and has been featured in numerous national publications. Lori speaks for women’s conferences, corporations, wellness events, management and sales meetings. She tackles the “guilt trip” topics and makes it easier to laugh at life and feel gratitude for where you’re at.

77 Stop Pushing! Just Allow

By Lori Hanson

I love animals, sports and speed, especially fast cars. It’s the thrill of the experience that continually pulls at my heart strings to come play. Whether it’s snuggling with my dog, taking in the moment of a hump back whale breaching, watching the birds line up along my garage roof to take a bath or drink from my Zen fountain, or driving an exotic sports car 140+ mph, I love things that both excite and scare me. When I’m watching one of my favorite athletes like Rafa Nadal compete, I get fidgety and nervous—I’m right there in the moment experiencing it, I’m just not working as hard! Learning how to be in the moment and experience only what is happening “now” took me over forty years to even begin to comprehend. I was a stressed out, Type A working my way up the corporate ladder and constantly questioning whether I was good enough to compete with the best of them. For over thirty years I numbed out to things that made me uncomfortable or those I couldn’t handle, with bulimia and alcohol. Fortunately that lifestyle wasn’t enough for me. I felt compelled to learn and grow beyond the mere existence I had lived—with my core goal in life to achieve a specific number on the scale. After writing my first book, filled with passion for becoming a motivational speaker, I left corporate to start my own gig. I was so excited about helping teens and college students—nothing was going to stop me. I invested five years marketing and speaking to teens and college students across the nation in an attempt to help them develop

78 Insights into Self-Empowerment healthier self-esteem, reduce stress and understand what stress, binge drinking, cutting and eating disorders did to their minds and bodies. Building my business didn’t come easy, but I was starting from ground zero and knew that if I just stuck with it, things would break free and I could make a living this way. I wasn’t bringing in much revenue—but I was depleting my retirement savings more each month. I left corporate to help people, and loved being on my own as an entrepreneur. Giving up was not an option. The first year I started coaching girls with eating disorders, the mom of one of my clients came to the support group I was running in Glendale, California. She was embarrassed and obsessed about getting her daughter over her anorexia. I asked what she was passionate about, what she enjoyed doing, and she couldn’t give me an answer. Two weeks later I asked again and she said, “Well, I’m an artist and a sculptor, I have a studio in my house.” Wow, really? But two weeks ago she couldn’t even think of a thing because she was so distracted and embarrassed by her twenty-one year old daughter’s eating disorder. I told her this was her daughter’s problem to solve and that she needed to engage her energy in being an artist. (Her daughter was doing very well by that time.) That was the first day I felt pulled to help women. I had been somewhat aware of it, but now it hit me harder—professional women needed help to unclutter their lives, discover (or rediscover) their passion and find their voice. I had always known I would go back and support women in corporate America where I worked and lived for over thirty years. I knew the lifestyle; I could address the speed bumps by name. And I knew the sink holes and patterns of numbing out, but more importantly I knew that the majority of women weren’t even watching for them—they just got swallowed up. Then they wondered why they were ill, broke a leg, had chronic pain, couldn’t sleep, had marital issues and/or a love-hate relationship with their career as executives or business owners. For many professional women the guilt of attempting to have it all is excruciating. But I continued to push my agenda. I booked more speeches on college campuses and did whatever I could to survive financially.

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After five years I had a conversation with myself and realized that I was doing the right thing, I just wasn’t focused on the right market. My ladder was up against the wrong house. I made the decision to shift my focus to high-performing women. Things started to change immediately. I was booked to speak for the American Dental Association’s Health and Well-Being Conference, new clients appeared and I knew now that I was on track…but, not so fast. I had the goal, I felt the connection, but I was out of cash. My credit cards were maxed, I’d sold much of my furniture, and custom-made jewelry…whatever I could to bring in cash, but there was no money to pay rent, bills or buy food. I was in debt over $150,000. I was living on oatmeal and popcorn and when you’re in the quicksand of survival mode on a daily basis, it’s incredibly difficult to have the confidence to book speeches and enroll new clients for coaching. Yet, going back to corporate was the last thing I wanted to do. I had never experienced financial issues, and the fear (False Experience Appearing Real aka movies running in my head) was paralyzing me despite the affirmations I repeated every morning and night and my gratitude journaling. It felt like my feet were cemented in financial poverty. I had no mobility to get out of this mess. But, giving up isn’t in my DNA. I’d been given a gift as a motivational speaker and coach; I had to share my message. Through a series of synchronous events, I gradually regained my footing. I found a sales job to bring in cash while I invested my time in a research project with female executives and business owners. Then my Performance Coaching Programs were born. It starts with nutrition. Anything and everything you want in life is supported by building a strong foundation, just like your home. I began studying diet and nutrition in the early eighties when I started body building after knee surgery. The more I studied, the cleaner my diet became. Now I’m vegan, I avoid processed foods, I don’t consume sugar and I eat whole, real food that I wash with high- alkaline water. I drink alkaline water to support a balanced ph in my body and don’t drink alcohol. I chose to fall in love with things that are good for me and my body.

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Two things I discovered along the journey, 1) gut health is the epicenter of health or disease. You’ve probably heard it before— disease starts in the colon; and 2) your body and brain chemistry need to be in balance for you to feel good, think clearly and have the positive energy that helps you set and achieve big goals. I know that anything is possible—when nutrition, mindset and the body are in balance. Rebecca (not her real name) came to me as a referral from another client. When we did our complimentary session, her number one desire was to find thirty minutes a week to exercise. She had three girls, ages 10-13 and couldn’t create any space for herself in her life. Her teenage daughter had been cutting and she lived in constant fear that at any minute her daughter would cut again. She was ready to shift things in her life encouraged by our session as she began to see that she had choices but wasn’t allowing herself to use them. She felt sluggish and irritable and wanted to lose about twenty pounds so she started with my 28-day gut cleanse. By eating whole foods, taking herbal supplements and participating in weekly phone calls with me she was blown away by what she discovered about herself, her outlook on life and her relationship with sugar. When you do a cleanse your “stuff” comes up. And that’s the beauty of working through it this way, when your body is free of sugar, dairy, stimulants, depressants, gluten and junk food, you gain clarity of thought—and that’s where coaching really helped her by seeing what she couldn’t see before. A busy executive with a corporate career, Rebecca found out that by prioritizing her needs it helped the whole family. Now she packs her lunches and plans meals the night before. She delegates more and her daughters pack their own healthier lunches. But most importantly, she now has the mindset that she deserves thirty minutes of “me time,” every day and honors it! The shift she experienced in just five weeks included losing fifteen pounds. But she also learned how to deal with her teenage daughter’s attempts to manipulate the entire family with her drama. Everyone has more time with mom these days. Through additional coaching, she’s stopped pushing so hard and has found a softer side she can engage while remaining an alpha female.

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Isabelle (fictitious name) enrolled in coaching because she wanted more balance in her life. Her goals were to lose weight, to feed her family healthier meals and get help in dealing with her husband whose ADD has caused significant issues in their marriage. She was on the fence about staying at her corporate job—and was stressed from the pressure her position demanded. Initially, just getting her to take deep breaths at the start of our sessions and create calm was challenging for her. She started eating better during her 28-day cleanse, and the clarity began to surface. I asked her to describe what it would feel like to leave corporate and start her own company. Then I asked her to tell me what her days were like, how much revenue she earned and what benefits she offered her clients. She then wrote her letter of resignation to help her imagine the feeling of what it would be like to give notice. She didn’t know when she would use it, but had it ready. After six weeks of coaching she quit her corporate job and started her own business. The next week we spent three hours together and I helped her map out her coaching programs and clearly define what she would offer. Then we developed her unique process for finding her target clients and how to enroll a prospect in her career coaching. She had a meeting the next week with a prospective client who was referred by a friend. Armed with the confidence of the programs we had created, and a powerful mindset, she enrolled her first client at over $900 per month for her three month program. While enrolling her first client felt really good, there were other issues bubbling up in her life that demanded her attention. I quickly saw that in order for her to be successful we had to deal with some issues in her marriage. One big issue/opportunity was that she needed to set boundaries and honor the time set aside on her calendar to build her business. Her “Aha” was learning that to be a successful business owner, she wasn’t in the people pleasing business any more. Isabelle needed to focus on what she wanted and allow herself to have it. When she didn’t stay in awareness, she got sidetracked by running the kids everywhere and falling into old habits of letting

82 Insights into Self-Empowerment her husband off the hook while she tended to the needs her young girls. Once she realized how much control she actually had over the situation and how she had been allowing it to happen “to her,” vs. honoring the boundaries she set, she saw that this was not going to help her live a happier, healthier, balanced life (the reason she left corporate). We developed a family creed (principles the family agreed to live by) that she posted in her kitchen. Watching a client who initially says “I can’t,” clearly define what they really want and then begin to execute on their goals, (because they realize they set the bar too low of what they can have or do) is always incredible. Whether it’s in their business, personal life or relationships—a powerful shift occurs as they begin to experience the mantra I live by—anything is possible. That was my mantra even before I had the financial crash and burn. I never considered filing bankruptcy; I’ve studied a lot of successful people and what I’ve seen over and over is that everyone has had their low moments, financial issues, and struggles to make the career they want successful. That encouraged me in my lowest moments. The thought never occurred to me to give up—it’s just not in my DNA. In my scariest financial moments when I was literally one step away from being homeless, I knew it would be okay, because I believe anything is possible, and sometimes it’s just a matter of timing (while the Universe shifts things around to make them better for me). When you hear me speak at a conference, you hear the raw truth, I’m pretty transparent. I laid it all out there when I wrote my first book, It Started with Pop-Tarts about my long journey with bulimia. Getting the guts to tell others that I fell on my face when I started my own business and incurred a huge amount of debt because I was pushing my agenda was much harder. This was recent and still hurt—but the first time I shared my story (during a keynote speech) of having to short sell my home because of my business failure, something amazing happened. Women in the audience related to me even more; I started to hear the stories of others who had “failed,” financially. And I began to see the power of sharing my biggest,

83 The Change7 darkest, most embarrassing moment, because the story opened the gateway to bigger connections and “Aha” moments for my audiences and clients. One of the things that changed dramatically since leaving the corporate lifestyle is the degree to which I live by my gut. I used to take 5 quarters and throw them up in the air. If more came up heads, I would proceed—if more came up tails, I didn’t. Later I used kinesiology testing to help me if I was uncertain. And now that my intuitive muscle is well-developed, I just follow what I know or feel. If you follow your gut and don’t get the expected outcome, it’s not a failure. There are no failures—only information. If you take action, you get feedback and can adjust your course of action. Sure, some experiences hurt more than others, but the rewards bring success beyond your wildest imagination. If you take no action and live paralyzed by fear you don’t get feedback. I meet busy, successful business women who have all kinds of excuses why their life isn’t working. But when you stop to think about it, you may feel stuck and don’t know how to get unstuck (I hear this often). This realization brings you the opportunity to allow things to happen for you—instead of constantly pushing your agenda and being in control. My financial journey changed me for life. I live much more frugally than I used to. I don’t impulse buy anymore. I share my money with others who need help because I’m so grateful to have it. And the biggest thing I’ve noticed is that I rarely complain—I hit bottom in a big way, there wasn’t really any lower I could go. I am thankful for everything and every day I have to live. I am grateful for the financial turnaround I’ve had that came as a result of me letting go and allowing the journey to unfold for me. One of the things I had to learn to let go of was the negative beliefs I had about money from my upbringing. I have goals to be wealthy—there are a lot of animals and art programs out there that need my help and the thought of being a philanthropist and helping on a larger scale excites me. I have places I want to travel to, golf courses and beaches that need to be explored. And now I don’t just dream of doing it, I know I will have the experiences because

84 Insights into Self-Empowerment anything is possible—as long as I remember not to push and allow things to happen. That doesn’t mean I don’t set goals and take action, it just means I let go of the outcome and tune in to what’s happening. Is it the path of least resistance, or does it feel like a brick wall? I start every morning with meditation, then I write at least ten things I’m grateful for in my gratitude journal. I still lift weights and do cardio six days a week to take care of my body since it’s the only one I get in this lifetime. I’m in better shape in my fifties than I’ve ever been. My morning practice gives me a completely different perspective to start my day. I’m not focused on me, or something that might be stressful. I begin the day from a balanced place that gives me confidence, compassion and readiness to serve whoever I’m here to help that day. I now experience occasional days of true bliss (something completely new). I wake up fully immersed in the energy and thoughts of “I love my life!” This is less than twelve months after having no money and nearly being homeless. I just had to remember to let go and let things in my life flow. Once I did—the flood gates opened and abundance poured into my life far bigger than I was even visualizing or affirming. I’m speaking regularly, have more clients than I’ve ever had and have a killer belief system in what I can do and why I’m here—and I’ve proven that anything is possible, when I stop pushing and allow it to happen. Lori Hanson The Performance Coach for Business Women Motivational Speaker, Author ***

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To contact Lori: Website: http://Learn2Balance.com Phone 720-346-4640 Twitter @Learn2Balance LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lorihanson2 Facebook: www.facebook.com/Learn2BalanceHolisticSolutionsForLife

86 David Norris

David Norris is a banker, outlaw biker, Rotarian, husband, father, grandfather, leader, and served as an Infantry Officer in the United States Marine Corps. He has extensive experience in leadership positions in both the corporate world of banking and the volunteer world of Rotary International. David is the former Chief Operating Officer of Happy State Bank headquartered in Amarillo, Texas where he worked for 24 years and continues to coach, teach, and mentor employees there. David continues to study with and be mentored by many of the great thinkers of our time including Paul Martinelli, Mary Morrissey, John Maxwell and Les Brown. David is a Founding Member of the John Maxwell Team and as such is a John Maxwell Certified Leadership Trainer and Coach. Continuing to study under Mary Morrissey, he is a Life Mastery Consultant with The Life Mastery Institute. He has studied under Les Brown and is a Les Brown Platinum Speaker. David is now a full time executive leadership development coach. His passion is leadership development and helping others to find and realize their dreams thought his speaking, coaching, teaching and mentoring.

87 Is It Good To Be You?

By David Norris

I have been saying that it is good to be me for some time. The truth is that it is good to be me. I am very good at being me. Nobody in the world is as good as I am at being me. I get to do lots of things. I go places, meet wonderful people, and have the most amazing friends and relationships. These relationships span the globe and for one reason alone……I choose it. And while it has always been good to be me, I didn’t always recognize how good it was to be me. I was victim to the mental games of comparison and validation and along with many other paradigms and ways of thinking to which we subject ourselves. Never good enough…Try harder…Good things come to those who wait…Better safe than sorry…Look before you leap…Don’t do that…What will the neighbors think?…Who do you think you are?...Money doesn’t grow on trees. It wasn’t until I chose to overcome being average or being mediocre and instead choose to live a life that is abundant, noteworthy, successful, and significant that I began to see how good it was to be me. It all started with making a decision… a decision that I AM worthy and deserving to have the life and lifestyle I want and deserve. Perhaps my story is like yours. I decided on a career path to follow as I prepared for my future after graduation from college. A career plan that had me thinking this was the answer to my eventual success personally and economically. First, I learned the skills required to

88 Insights into Self-Empowerment be the best Marine officer I could be whether that was putting steel on the target or loading a battalion of men and equipment on ships to travel across the Pacific Ocean. I expanded this skillset learned in the Marine Corps when I began my career in banking. My early lessons in leadership translated to expanding the skillset of lenders, operations and front line people to make my organization the best in its market. Doing the skills of banking better than the other guy in a largely commoditized industry is essential to the growth and prosperity and longevity within the organization. What I didn’t realize was this was only one dimension to a greater path every individual must engage in if they truly want to live a life of abundance. A life of abundance is what everyone should strive to accomplish. In accomplishing abundance you will live a life that is noteworthy, successful and significant. Abundance is much more than a monetary goal. It includes health and wellness, relationships, vocation, and time and money-freedom. To live an abundant life you must follow a personal growth plan. A personal growth plan is mindset transformation to a mindset of abundance. The development of a different mindset is not a new idea. In the 1800’s people such as Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, and Louisa May Alcott would sit around a table and discuss a life unimagined by many. The basis was changing their mindset. Time and time again we see companies fail or fade away while others grow and prosper. Companies and organizations that prosper have the best leadership at all levels. They consistently maintain their relevance in the marketplace and consistently produce, grow, and develop their people. This is because the companies not only work on the business aspects of their organization but also the mindset. These companies understand that if their employees do not have the right mindset both individually and corporately they will not achieve abundance. The Bible says we are not to be conformed to this world but be transformed by the changing of our minds. I can pinpoint the day my world was transformed. It was July 25, 1995 when my CEO gave me a book titled Developing The Leader Within You by John C. Maxwell. We devoted one officers meeting per month to studying a chapter. In 2000, I was elected president of my Rotary Club and was introduced to another John Maxwell book,

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The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. At this stage in my personal growth I was awakened by Law #2 The Law of Influence. The Law of Influence states “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less and everything rises and falls on leadership.” In that chapter Dr. Maxwell writes about CEOs who ask him what they can do to determine the leadership potential or ability of their employees. Maxwell tells them to get them involved in leading volunteers. When you lead volunteers you only have your ability to influence others going for you. There is no paycheck to dangle over their head, nothing but you and your own influence to see that a volunteer organization’s goals and objectives are met. The idea of influence so inspired me that I made the conscious decision to be the absolute best Rotary Club President that my Rotary Club had ever had. I had been in Rotary 17 years going through the motions of doing the Rotary thing without ever being a Rotarian. Having started on a path of personal growth, I no longer chose to follow just what was required but to step up and ask “this and what more is required to flourish?” I attended President Elect Training and my eyes were opened to the deeper meaning of Rotary. I heard many great and inspiring speakers and met the incoming President of Rotary International. I found this organization was truly making a positive impact on this world and that had a positive impact on me. More importantly, I met some fellow Presidents Elect that were very dynamic and giving people. A couple of them were single moms, raising a family on their own, giving back to their community. They were big time givers to The Rotary Foundation. The Rotary Foundation provides funds to fight disease, hunger, and suffering worldwide. I had participated in many Rotary Foundation fundraisers but never had I made a contribution outside the fundraising events. How were they able to do this? I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself and took action. I could do better. At the end of the year I was named the District’s Rotary Club President of the Year. My club membership grew. Thirteen members, including me, donated $1,000 each to The Rotary Foundation. What makes this more important to my story is that this was the second time I had been selected to serve as president of a

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Rotary Club. I served my first Rotary Club as president 14 years earlier. I attended President Elect Training then and heard many of the same things. The difference was the lens through which I viewed my relationship to the world around me. I now viewed it through the lens of my personal growth plan. My mindset had changed to one that taught me that we are put on this planet to make a difference. In 1991 I began work at Happy State Bank. I was in charge of bank operations. The bank was under new ownership and at the time, out of 880 banks in Texas, Happy State Bank was #812 with just over $20 million in assets and two locations. Today, Texas has over 650 banks. Happy State Bank ranks at #27 at this writing. We have 34 locations in 24 different communities and over $2.5 billion in total assets. We grew slowly at first, planted a few new branches in nearby towns in the Texas Panhandle and in 2004 embarked on the first of nine mergers and acquisitions. The CEO “hunted them down”. My job was to “kill ‘em, clean ‘em, and cook ‘em.” That is, I was tasked with leading the team making the data processing conversion, mentoring the employees of the new bank to operate as a Happy Bank and assimilating the new employees into our culture. I was tasked in leading a corporate mindset change. It was 2009 and Happy State Bank had just crossed the $1 billion in total asset mark when I was asked to serve as a Rotary District Governor. As a governor, you are one of 530 people in the world of 1.2 million Rotarians. It is a daunting task involving two years preparation and one year of actual service with a lot of travel. Most people simply will not do this at all and doing it while fully employed is considered insane. I was insane. The challenge here is that during that three year process of becoming district governor, Happy State Bank would grow another $1 billion to $2 billion and complete four acquisitions. This tasked my leadership, our people and infrastructure. I did not know how my new role as Governor was going to mesh with my work at Happy State Bank. I did know my bank culturally and historically and knew growth and expansion was in our DNA. I also knew I had a great team of leaders at Happy State Bank and

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Rotary that were there to support me. I felt there was high probability it could happen by choosing to allow my mindset to expand further to accomplish the tasks. I succeeded. During the busiest part of my tenure of District Governor, in March of 2012, I was promoted to Chief Operating Officer of Happy State Bank. So what is the point, the matter, the issue, to this rambling? The point is most people accept what life gives them and settle for an average or mediocre life and simply will not step up to live the life they imagine because they are not aware they can. There is no quick fix to experience personal growth. It is an ongoing process of learning to accept your potential for greatness. I have said several times that I chose to raise the level of my awareness as to my own leadership ability and potential. It would have been considerably easier to quit Rotary, or wait until I retired, or had more time, or not do it at all. Rather, I chose to step up and step into a life of my choosing. I chose to advance my life rather than retreat from it. This is what a personal growth plan is all about. Great and amazing things can happen when you consciously choose to expand your mindset and decide to raise your own potential. During my post military career, I did what so many of us do and continue to do, to work, slave, and grind it out daily seeking to better our lives and the lives of our families, willing to accept whatever conditions and circumstance come our way, and glad to have a job. Undoing and unwinding decades of paradigms and bad habits takes time and gut wrenching mental work. I did not do it by myself. I did not have the ability to do it myself. All I knew was I wanted to grow. I wanted something better. Having coaches and mentors to show me the way was necessary. Yes, I read a few books. These books were the catalyst; however, what really happened is that I made a conscious decision to develop my plan of personal growth and take charge of my own personal development and live the life I chose to live. I chose to grow as a man and as a human being and not be a human pinball with everybody in the world having their own flipper. I associated myself with some of the greatest minds in the world. I sought to study with and be coached and mentored by them. These

92 Insights into Self-Empowerment great minds include my friend Paul Martinelli, Les Brown, John Maxwell, and my coach and mentor, Mary Morrissey. It is through their expert guidance and my decision to invest in myself that I accomplish the things that I say I want in life. I placed myself in a position of permanent discomfort. So many people, when confronted with the discomfort of their own personal growth and development run back to their comfort zone. Attempts or efforts to grow are met with fear and they allow themselves to be pulled back into the herd by people close to them because average people have a vested interest in keeping you just like them. The biggest thing my coaches and mentors taught me is to be grateful. Gratitude is the most important lesson because without it there is no growth. Without gratitude I am unable to receive any of the many blessings and grace God has given me and shown me. I am so grateful for my wife, Candy, and daughter Andi, and my entire family, especially my granddaughters. I am so happy and grateful for the United State Marine Corps and the opportunity to serve this Country and grow as a leader and as a man I am so happy and grateful for Happy State Bank and the opportunity to work in a place with people who share the same core values, where growth is modeled and expected, and who encouraged me to pursue my endeavors in Rotary. I am so happy and grateful for Rotary for the opportunities to serve and make a difference in the lives of others, in particular fighting hunger right here in America and traveling to India to help rid that country of Polio. I am continuously grateful for everything including bank examiners, crabby customers, pushy arrogant people, and poor leaders because they helped me grow. You see, I am on a mission and that mission is to be the absolute best version of myself so that I can make the world the absolute best version of itself. Athletes, top business executives, and entrepreneurs don’t get to the top of their games without training

93 The Change7 plans and coaches to help them be just that, the best version of themselves regardless of their conditions and circumstances. So many people say “I don’t have the money” or “I don’t have the time” or “I have to work”. Those are conditions and circumstances used as excuses to not take action and remain stuck. A person that really wants to grow, and truly wants to improve his or her life by creating an abundant life for him or herself will make the conscious decision to grow and develop themselves. They will do what they can, where they are, with what they have to reach their goal or dream. You are your most important asset. If you do not invest in yourself, why should anyone else? Personal growth and development only requires a commitment to oneself. It does not require a person to quit a job or wait until a better job or environment or business comes along. Personal growth does not require waiting until the kids graduate or until you retire at some predetermined age or waiting until the economy improves. It only requires that you act now, in the present, wherever you are and doing what you can with what you have….and be continuously and constantly grateful. Personal development and growth takes intentional commitment to this work and staying connected to this work. If you really want to grow, if you really want to prepare yourself for that promotion to the C-Level suite, if you really want to start your own business, build that dream home, or find that soulmate, start where you are, do what you can with what you have AND get a coach or an accountability partner. Engage in studies and mastermind groups to help you navigate your journey. Do what I did or find what works for you. Just make some room for yourself. Be responsible and accountable to yourself for creating new space for new opportunities. Stop watching television and read a book instead. Unsubscribe from that daily digital distraction known as email and take action to stop them rather than letting them accumulate. Listen to audio books in the car rather than the radio. There is opportunity for personal development everywhere if you just create room for it and exploit the opportunity when it comes. The opportunity is already there for you so have the courage to

94 Insights into Self-Empowerment dream big about the life you would love to live. Take an action step every day even if it is a baby step and at the very least believe that I believe you can do this. You will soon discover that it can be as good to be you as it is good to be me. Learn more about David Norris and his work at: www.goodtobeme.com [email protected] 806-679-9326 https://www.linkedin.com/in/superdavenorris https://www.facebook.com/Superdave1954

D Lee

From a very early age, I thought a little different – I wrote poetry and liked math. I was always going ‘beneath’ the surface of events and ‘mused’ about things happening around me. I spent time sitting in my dad’s garden soaking up the positive activity of a very busy natural world. This is where I learned the importance of systems and learned to tap into the inspiration available in them for greater happiness, joy and creativity. For more than a decade, I have helped business owners keep their financials organized, as well as co-authored several books, and created print and digital products. It’s about the joy of sharing the knowledge and wisdom I have gained, both as an entrepreneur and personally. With my ‘Muser’ voice, I have been published in collaboration books, in the series Wake Up, Live the Life You Love, and 101 Great Ways to Compete in Today’s Job Market. More recently, I helped pioneer The Mighty Handy Formula for conscious change and independently published a journal called My MyTe Musings. From this experience, I introduced a radio show, Mighty Gems: Spotlighting Everyday Jewels, as The Mighty Muser on the VoiceAmerica Internet Talk Radio Empowerment Channel.

97 Do a You-Turn: Commit To Positive Living by

Controlling Your Self-Talk

By D Lee

“Be mindful of your self-talk. It is a conversation with the universe.” — Carl Jung Does it seem like your mind is full of constant chatter? Do you think the same thoughts over and over again? How do you feel when you tune into what’s in your mind? Lifted or drained? The unfortunate truth for most people is that their constant self-talk is negative; full of reruns of past events, re-treaded beliefs, and anxious what-if thoughts about the future. There is a direct connection between what you think, how you feel, and how you act—so if you don’t like your reality, I have good news: when you alter your inner conversation you can change your life for the better! The key is to find the balance that allows you the life you want. By becoming aware of your thoughts, you can take control of the self-talk so it supports you by providing hope and creating a positive life. “As above, so below.” ~ Hermes Trismegistus

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You have the power to change your life by challenging how you talk to yourself—the antidote is to simply start paying attention to the state of your own mind. The first step to decoding your self-talk is to listen to it. You might not realize it, but you have a constant stream of words and commentary flowing in your mind. Observe these thoughts for they are what form your mental patterns and how you perceive the world and people around you. These patterns are considered self-talk. Your self-talk affects you in more ways than you know. The thoughts, words, and expressions you use directly affect your personal vibration and how you feel about life. Your entire way of being, acting, and feeling are the direct result of how you talk to yourself. Dr. Emoto** studied the effects of harsh words on water and found immediate and dramatic effects that appeared as negative changes in color, shape, and growth patterns. The human body is primarily made of water, so this research informs what happens when we run these negative thought patterns in our minds. **Dr. Masaru Emoto’s research was made famous by the movie, What the Bleep Do We Know? Your choice of thoughts, images, and words influence the vibrational frequency you feel from your inner dialogue. By paying attention to the state of your mental patterns, you give yourself the opportunity to consciously choose what you want to experience in your outer world. When your self-talk is positive and you feel good, the outside effect for your reality is that it will likewise be positive and feel good. Here is an easy experiment to get instant insight on how different words and phrasing make you feel. Read the following phrases out loud and notice how you feel when you read them. “I am no good at anything. Everything seems to be out of balance in my life, including my ability to hold onto my money. Nobody loves me that much—why should they?”

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Did you notice how you suddenly felt heavy, slow, or maybe even depressed? Now, read the following statement out loud: “I am so excited! Today is Friday and I have successfully made it through a very hectic week with the help of a lot of wonderful people around me. I feel great!” It is likely you feel happy, excited, and buoyant after reading that statement out loud. The different effect you felt from reading only these two phrases indicates how powerful words are and how they directly affect you. We are made up of a variety of different bodies of energy, all of which are vibrating at different rates (spiritual, intellectual, emotional, psychic, etc.); these systems are part of your energy, which exists in addition to your physical body. The human body wants to maintain homeostasis—stability—within and with the outer world. Your energy bodies are highly attuned to the messages in your mind and will seek to be in sync with them in order to create stability. Therefore, if you have negative patterns of self-talk, you will attract the experiences that match those patterns, such as illness, bad luck, or harsh words from others. Conversely, if your energy body has a positive or high frequency through your self-talk, it will attract positive things. J Loren Norris said, “So, what does it take to live a more excellent life? It takes a new way of thinking, speaking and acting. It takes a change in habits, and a better understanding of who you are and what you do each day. It takes a foolproof formula you can apply to every minute of your day, for the most excellent outcome every time.” Improving self-talk is your formula for living a more excellent life. Research has shown there are rewards when self-talk is positive. Listening to your self-talk is vital to self-discovery as you can learn

100 Insights into Self-Empowerment who you truly are and your life purpose. Even more, you can actively control what is unfolding within and outside of yourself. Knowing yourself unharnesses a powerful, dynamic energy with unlimited possibilities for your life outcomes and experiences. As with any change you make, you have to start somewhere with a new habit and improve it over a period of time. Rarely do significant changes happen overnight, especially when dealing with something as personal and ingrained as self-talk. It has been said that it takes 31 days of practicing the change before it can turn into your new “normal”—the more conscious way of thinking or being. So, where do you begin? Osho has some encouraging words: “If you take the responsibility for your life, you can start changing it.” In other words, start from wherever you are—right now. There are four steps to changing your self-talk—and all are available to you today. Step 1 – Identify and become aware of your thought patterns. Many people are unaware of the frequency of their self-talk and how often they are engaged in a negative inner spiral. It can be challenging to pay attention to, much less quiet, your mind. Your inner communication is so habitual and so automatic that you are likely immune to it; at the very least, it is likely you are not actively listening. However, your subconscious mind and your body listen to your thoughts closely. Your subconscious takes things in without judgment; it does not decide if something is good or bad for you. It simply accepts the information as truthful and indicative of what you want carried out as soon as possible. This is why negative self-talk is so insidious. Over time, your body will react and express itself through physical symptoms or unusual and over-reactive emotions. It is important to realize that the bulk of your thoughts are based on your history and are intended to keep you safe, based on what you have experienced. This can cause limitations and a feeling of constriction because it does not open your mind to learning new things.

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Once you start to pay attention to your self-talk, you might find that you never had the opportunity to consciously address a previous trauma or injury that might resurface from a current event or crisis of some sort. Over time, these suppressed energies can cause self- talk that you don’t understand but which needs to be handled with clarity and compassion. Your early developmental life set the groove for your unconscious self-talk, which can be positive or negative. Ensuing life experiences, where you naturally want to be right about what you already know, gets processed into that groove and then rerun like audio recordings. The result is that you are “right” about what you already know, which validates your knowledge but also becomes your life compass, steering you toward what you have already experienced and making personal change less likely. The good news is that when you become selective in your self-talk, you will likely discover a better reality occurs around you. Experts recommend you consider any harmful and negative word traps in your communication (with yourself and others). A word trap is when you use absolutes like always, never, should have, etc., or when your word patterns reflect a pessimistic world view. Another technique is to look at how your self-talk proceeds from a “seed thought” that shows up and “grows” in its effect. An example of this is a statement like, “I am a wreck,” which has judgment attached to it and creates real-world scenarios from that belief. Another technique is to look for the “categories” of your self-talk by noting the themes of your self-discussions. Catch your mind in the moment and look for feelings, qualities you possess, and the self- value you attach to them; comparisons you make about yourself to others; and how you present yourself to the world around you. These are clues as to how your self-talk is influencing your life. Step 2 – Catch negative verbal patterns and replace them with positive words. To make the positive changes you seek in your life, it is important to catch any negative verbal patterns and replace them immediately with positive words. The best way to do this is to trust your gut

102 Insights into Self-Empowerment feeling. When something feels bad, especially when there are not external clues as to why that should be, chances are something is negative in your subconscious self-talk. Even if you don’t know what it is, you can seek clarity in what you’re feeling and then upgrade it with new, positive words. For example, instead of saying “I always forget …” you could say “I am grateful when I remember …” Those statements are likely about the same behavior but are from two different perspectives. (Which one would you respond to if it were spoken out loud?) Abraham Maslow said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” This describes the gift of decoding your self-talk. Following are examples of changing your self-talk from negative to positive. Remember to check in with your gut to see how the same situation feels after upgrading your thoughts to a positive pattern. If an area of your life does not improve, there might be other negative verbal patterns running through your mind that also need to be addressed. Self-judgment: Negative: I feel a lot of fear of doing ______. Nobody else seems to be afraid. What is wrong with me? Positive: I am human and I have my own fears. I am open to releasing disabling fears but, for now, I will do my best and love myself anyway. Self-performance: Negative: I can see the mess I will be in because of my inability to perform perfectly. It will be humiliating. No one will even want to acknowledge that they know me. Positive: Before I perform, I will get grounded and request support for the best outcome I can experience and be grateful for the opportunity to share my gifts with everyone.

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Self-abilities: Negative: I am not good enough to do ______as I don’t have what it takes to do it correctly; so why should I even try when I know I am going to fail failure? Positive: I am just as good as others at this. I might not be experienced but I will do my best and learn from practice. Self-perceived value: Negative: No matter how hard I try, I always mess things up. I hate myself. Positive: I know I have a ways to go but I value where I am and I am willing to learn more. Self-judgment: Negative: No one wants to be around me. They think I am incompetent. I have a dark cloud following me and they think they will get rained on too. Positive: I make the choice to love and support myself with positive energy rather than depending on others to give me theirs. Step 3 – Nurture yourself with supportive words—your opinion is the only one that really matters. Start by letting go of any expectations of being perfect. Perfectionism leads to stress when you compare yourself with something (or someone) because you run the risk of not being “good enough. The resulting self-talk will likely match that belief and be critical. The consequence is a self-fulfilling prophesy in that you will likely fail at whatever you attempt. No person or event can make you feel anything. You are the one who makes the choice to be affected through your reaction. However you choose to respond will have a direct effect on your attitude, your mood, how you feel, and your resulting behavior. When you accept that you are responsible for your outlook, you can then control your situation—this is called being empowered. Your

104 Insights into Self-Empowerment self-talk has a lot to do with how you make that decision and to the degree you feel empowered. "It's only a thought, and a thought can be changed." — Louise Hay Following are some phrases that give you a way to do a ”you-turn” in spinning the negative into a positive with self-nurturing words. Confidence I have a lot of skills and I am as capable as others. I am comfortable enough with myself to be calm in front of people. I am happy, worthy, and have a sense of purpose for my life. Self-Care I make wise choices in how I nourish myself with food. I care for the key foundations of my life within myself, within Nature, and with others. I take time to find a quiet place to listen to silence, to meditate and reflect on various aspects of my current life— slow down. Financial Care I take the time to understand my current financial needs. I take the time to develop a financial strategy plan and put it into a calendar for focused action. I believe in myself and what I can accomplish when I am focused. Overcoming Limiting Beliefs I focus only on the moment; not the past or future. I give my best effort and know that is the best I can do. I accept the choices other people make for themselves. Step 4 – Practice, Practice, Practice Positive Self-Talk! Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” For our purposes, that means the

105 The Change7 more you practice positive self-talk with awareness (aka, a new consciousness), the easier it will get and the better you will feel. Here are some ideas on how to put practicing your self-talk into motion: Keep a journal so you can track your progress; write down ideas, messages, or even poetry that surfaces. The written word is a great way to examine your inner communication process. Consistently check in with yourself and ask “Would I say this to a close friend?” If not, consider why you are saying it to yourself. Then have compassion for yourself and choose a better way to say it. Praise yourself for all of the good qualities you have and practice accepting kind words and compliments. If a negative thought races into your mind, hold up a mental stop sign. If it helps, say “Stop!” out loud—then see what happens. See how many You-Turns you have to make to get to a place of positive self-talk. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and pull on it anytime you have identified a negative thought in your self-talk. Question yourself by asking things like: Is there actual evidence for what I am thinking? Is there a more positive way of looking at this situation? Am I keeping everything in perspective? Can I do anything to change what I’m feeling bad about? Do I need to walk in Nature to get a new attitude? Enjoy the journey you are on … be flexible and allow yourself to appreciate your learning and progress, no matter how small it might seem in the moment. “The trouble is you think you have time.” —Buddha Start the journey toward positive self-talk now and watch how your world changes for the better.

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“As we control our inner talking, matching it to our fulfilled desires, we can lay aside all other processes. Then we simply act by clear imagination and intention: we imagine the wish fulfilled and carry on mental conversations from that premise. The right inner speech is the speech that would be yours were you to realize your ideal. In other words, it is the speech of fulfilled desire.” ~ Neil Goddard *** To Contact D Lee Email: [email protected] Website link on the blog: http://www.themightymuser.com/about/ www.themightymuser.com http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/2361/mighty-gems- spotlighting-everyday-jewels https://twitter.com/MightyMuser https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Mighty-Muser/

107

David Campbell

David’s passion for leading people started early in life and developed throughout his 20 years in the Navy. It has developed David into an outstanding executive coach and mentor. David has had many roles in his working life, from service in the Navy, to running the day to day affairs of a not-for-profit organization with over 1000 members, to Executive Director of a charity providing skills training to IT students nationwide. He has also worked extensively in the Australian Public Service as a senior executive, in other leadership roles, and as an independent contractor. David is skilled at “getting” where people are at. This is a natural gift that plays well into his leadership roles. He is regularly called on by training groups and organizations to provide presentations on leadership, self-awareness, conflict, and change, to name a few. Today, David is co-founder of State Your Business, a corporate coaching and mentoring business providing support to business leaders and managers in both one-to-one and the group coaching / training space. Based in Australia, State Your Business works with clients all over the world.

109 Releasing the Leader Within You

By David Campbell

In memory of Ross Campbell 1929-2015 I am sure that we have all heard the old adage: “Leaders are not born, they are made.” I don’t hold with this statement in its strictest sense. I believe that the potential for leadership is within each one of us. It is through being presented with and taking the opportunities in life that we learn and refine our leadership qualities. We have the rough edges knocked off through the experience of stepping out and taking the lead. A Leader is defined (in the dictionary) as: “a person who rules, guides, or inspires others” According to that definition, we can all be leaders in some way, shape or form. Can you see how a young child can inspire others to do great things? How a daughter can bring out the best in her dad as a protector and provider or inspire in her mother the instinct of nurture and love? The truth is that the potential exists within every one of us to become an incredible leader, but the development of that potential takes time. Time is needed to: Identify your passions; Understand your personal vision and purpose;

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Learn how to express who you are; Learn how to use your unique strengths and skills; and Learn how to express your purpose in your own unique way. A leader does not need to be out the front as a manager or military officer. As an activity right now: Take some time to think about people you know who have inspired you. What did they do? How did they inspire you? What was their position in relation to you? The inverted leadership paradigm If you are anything like me, we have been taught throughout our lives that leaders are people in positions of great power and with great authority. We look to, and aspire to be like, the leaders we have observed during our lives. While I was in the Navy, we used to say: “I would follow him/her into battle”, as a recognition of a person’s leadership qualities. We were willing to submit to such a person as our leader. While there are many that I look to as examples of great leaders, I firmly believe that the strongest and most enduring leadership model we have is that of the biblical character of Jesus Christ. We can learn so much from a study of this servant-based leadership model. It is not dictatorial but is authoritative. It has been and remains the existing leadership model in the largest organization in the world. (The Christian Church) He understood the principles of great leadership. The following thoughts are compiled from looking at the leadership style demonstrated by Jesus. Leaders don’t go it alone

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If you want to change the world, then choose a team of people and invest your time in teaching them. Then empower them, give them authority and release them to have a go at leading in their own right. Leaders must know their stuff You don’t need to be the world expert, but you do need to “know what you know”. That is, you must have a good grasp of who you are and what you are working towards, and “know what you don’t know”. In short, understand where there are gaps in your knowledge. Leaders are visionary Leaders need to have a vision. Not just in your head, you need to have your clear and concise vision written down so it can be passed onto the team. You need to know the vision inside and out. The vision must be burned into your very being, so that when the storms of life hit, your commitment to the vision will hold you on your course. Everything that you do should contribute to realizing the vision. Leaders remain focused on their vision. One of the classic lines used in Naval Officer performance evaluations in relation to leadership is: “Sailors would only follow this officer out of idle curiosity.” Such an officer is an example of a leader without a vision or the ability to communicate it. There is a great proverb that reminds us “where there is no vision, the people perish”. A leader must be able to communicate their vision. Leaders teach others A leader needs to be able to communicate the vision clearly. Before a leader can lead, people need to be able to gather around the cause or vision. This can only be done through clear communication. Leaders gather followers Good leaders will always attract followers however, they recruit their inner team. Good leaders need to surround themselves with good people. They should not settle for mediocrity. Looking forward (to the vision) they recruit to address skills gaps in order to

112 Insights into Self-Empowerment find the qualities needed to implement their vision. Good leaders want to build a team that has the same singular focus on the strategic vision laid out for them. Leaders celebrate success One of the greatest things you can do as a leader is to celebrate the achievement of goals. Celebration can range from a simple recognition of achievement to a full on party. I read an article some years ago that encouraged the use of the single word “Done”. The idea was that when you complete a task, say out loud: “Done”. It has a psychological effect on you. It brings the task to a point of completion. It is a verbal celebration of the completion of the task. The saying of “Done” adds a life place holder, allowing you to move to the next task having completed that one. I have used this strategy in my own life and as a business coach, and have encouraged my clients to use it. The sense of satisfaction from having completed a task and declaring it aloud is tangible. Why not give it a try? The Leadership Challenge Having read this far in the chapter, you now need to make a decision. Am I a leader? If you can answer “Yes”, then keep reading. If you still have questions, then I encourage you to re-read the first part of the chapter again. Decide that you are a leader. Now that we have considered who can be a leader and the characteristics of a good leader, let’s consider where we go from here. Every leader needs to develop strategies that will enable them to grow in both good and bad times. I now offer a number of strategies you can employ to strengthen and broaden your skills as a leader. This is not an exhaustive list but rather a good starting point. Leaders need Persistence

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The dictionary defines persistence as “the fact of continuing in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.” What’s the one common attribute high achievers share above anything else? PERSISTENCE. When they have a goal, they simply refuse to give up until they reach it – no matter what roadblocks life throws in their way. In short, they are focused on the goal. I found the following commentary about being focused on the goal to be very helpful. “I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way. Friends, don't get me wrong: by no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. So let's keep focused on that goal. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, you need to clear your vision. Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it.” Paul (Saul of Tarsus) I find this extremely motivating when I face what appears to be insurmountable opposition to the goal I have set myself. As a leader, we need this kind of attitude when it comes to achieving results. An attitude that pushes through the inevitable roadblocks that get in the way of our progress. Face what isn’t working Good leaders take the time to review and reflect on the past. I was once told that if I lost the opportunity (in business), do not lose the lesson learned. If you are going to become more successful, you have to reject the desire to deny failure and face what isn’t/hasn’t working. The first time you try something that doesn’t work, it is a learning opportunity. The second time is a mistake. The formula for achieving success is simple: Have a go, review, adjust, have a go.

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(Repeat until you succeed) As you review, ask yourself: Are the goals simply too big? Are you lacking some essential skills? Do you need more support? No matter how uncomfortable or challenging it might be, if you want to realize success, you must face what isn’t working and do something to change that. I like to ask: if money, time and skills were not an issue, what would you do next? Choose one action you can take and then do it. Then take another action, and another, continuing until you reach the desired outcome. Rise above your limiting beliefs As a coach, I often come across clients who are not moving forward because deep down they don’t think they are actually capable of achieving their goals – or don’t feel deserving of success. These are limiting beliefs – negative thoughts. If you have limiting beliefs or negative thoughts holding you back, take some time now to identify what these are and then transform them into an empowering belief. Using these four steps: Write down the limiting belief or negative thought Describe how the belief limits you Decide how you would rather be, act, or feel Create a turnaround statement that affirms your right to be, act, or feel this new way. For example... Limiting belief: I have to do everything by myself. Asking for help is a sign of weakness. Turnaround statement: It’s okay to ask for help. I am worthy of receiving all the support I need – and I know it will help me reach my goals faster. Stay motivated

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You control your motivation. It comes from within, knowing your vision and maintaining your passion – but sometimes an injection from an external source can nudge you forward. My business colleague sets aside half a day per week to learn something new. One of our clients sets aside “think time” for all his executive team. I schedule 30 minutes a day to firstly walk the dog and then sit and reflect on an article I might have read or a podcast I may have heard. The principle is to take some intentional time to allow external input to your level of motivation. Grow yourself, through extending yourself. Find yourself a few minutes every day to improve yourself. It can give you the edge to excel in virtually any area of your life. If you devote more time to developing success-oriented thoughts and attitudes, you will reach your goals faster. To get big results, take bold actions There is usually some level of fear when you put yourself out there in a new project or venture. Most people let that fear stop them. They fail to take the necessary steps to achieve their dreams. Even successful people feel the fear but they don’t let it keep them from moving forward. Fear needs to be acknowledged and harnessed. Using that experience enables you to take bold actions. By taking a leap of faith and facing your fear, you can transform your life. It all comes down to pushing out the boundaries of your comfort zone. I know that when I went into business for myself, I was unsure of many things. I feared that I would not be able to succeed. I worried about what would happen if I failed. In reality, I could not fail if I didn’t try. But I would always be asking myself: “What could have been?” Having the support of my wife and close friends (who believed in me) has enabled me to step out and I am now seeing the results of facing my fears. Leaders need to be patient

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Patience is a by-product of waiting. The question I pose is not about the waiting but about how we respond, act and perform during the waiting time. What is our attitude to waiting? Does waiting frustrate us or do we use the time to grow personally and professionally? Consider if you will, a situation when you have been required to wait for long periods of time. Think about the experience. What did you feel? How did you react? What did you learn from the experience? Waiting can be a hard experience Many years ago, our daughter fell off a trampoline and broke her arm. Badly enough that it needed surgery to insert wires that would hold the bones in place until they healed. I felt frustration, anger and helplessness at a lack of control, among other things. These emotions experienced during the long wait in the ER for a decision to be made, then the wait while the surgery was conducted, then for her to come out of the anaesthetic, followed by months of convalescence while the arm healed, taught me that I needed to develop patience. I needed to allow the rough edges to be worn off so I could build my character. You can get distracted in the waiting If you are anything like me, you can be waiting for something and as the time goes by, you start to focus on other things. A great example is waiting on the phone queue for service. The music so loved by the hearing impaired in the 1930’s adds to the waiting experience. So, you put the phone on speaker and start to utilize your time gainfully doing something else. Suddenly, the person comes on the other end and in that instant you can’t actually remember why you rang in the first place. It is not that you have given up being patient, but life needs to go on and you need to address other issues while waiting. Then all of a sudden the thing you are waiting for happens and you have forgotten that you were actually waiting. You have lost the focus on your vision. Don’t let the wait frustrate

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There is nothing more frustrating than having to wait when you don’t know why. If someone waiting, the best thing you can do is communicate with them. Have you ever heard the line “Your call has progressed in the queue?” Your call is important to us and we will get to you as soon as we can.” To me, that has to be one of the worst attempts at communicating with a client. The point is that if you are waiting, don’t let the wait frustrate. Often, there are valid reasons as to why the wait is happening and it won’t be the fault of the person to whom you ultimately talk. The hardest thing is seeing others pass you Have you ever been in the queue at the movies? Standing in line to purchase your ticket then, a person arrives in the express lane. They get called over and served while you continue to wait. At this point, remember that they have paid a price to get that service. A price that you have not paid. The same holds with your business. You see similar businesses tracking past you and winning those contracts or saying how busy they are. Remember that they have paid a price. It may have been the hard yards of cold calls, the preparation of a proposal that they worked on until 2am. Whatever it is, they have paid a price. Are you willing to pay that same price to see the acceleration? If we look at them, we start to compare ourselves to them and start to consider our own faults and failures. Remember, they have paid a price to move forward. While you wait, things may have to die We can really learn from waiting. It gives us time to think and reflect. Can I challenge you to take the opportunity the next time you are waiting to stop and reflect on your situation? Instead of allowing anger and frustration to rule you and your reaction, allow the experience to rub off the rough edges of your character. Learn from the experience. Allow yourself to be transformed by the renewing of your mind and the softening of your heart. Next time you have to wait, take the time to reflect on what you can do to grow and increase during the waiting. Allow your leadership

118 Insights into Self-Empowerment style and potential to grow, develop and mature. Welcome the opportunity to develop greater character rather than an attitude of frustration and annoyance. As I come to a close, I hope that you have been able to take some points for personal improvement from our discussion. You are a leader in the making. Having a vision for your life is the starting point to the leadership journey. The type of leader you become depends greatly on the experiences you have and the lessons you learned during your life journey. Having the right people around you to support you and help carry the vision is your responsibility. Remember, leaders grow their team. Allow the experiences of life to knock off the rough edges and grow you as an individual and leader. Above all, stay focused on the vision. It will carry you through the tough times and allow you to celebrate as you see goals achieved. As a final thought, reflect back to my comment on Leaders celebrate success. Now that you have completed this chapter, say out loud: “DONE”. *** To Contact David: Web: www.stateyourbusiness.com.au Skype: davidhfcampbell Facebook: David HF Campbell Facebook: State Your Business

119 120 Danielle M. Griffith

Ms. Griffith is a trial attorney in San Diego, California with the highest “AV Preeminent” rating by Martindale Hubbell’s nationwide attorney peer and client review rating system. In addition to being awarded San Diego Super Lawyers – Rising Star in 2015, she has also been awarded Top Lawyer in San Diego Magazine from 2013-2015, and Top Attorney in the San Diego Daily Transcript in 2013. She was a panel speaker at the West Coast Casualty Construction Defect conference in 2013. She has served on the board of directors for San Diego Defense Lawyers Association in 2008-2009 and as Co-chair of the Construction Section of the San Diego County Bar Association in 2014. She also served on the Board of Directors for the San Diego division of the United Services Organization (“USO”) in 2008-2009. Ms. Griffith owns and operates D. Griffith & Associates, APLC in San Diego. She has over 13 years of experience helping her clients navigate the landscape of litigation and achieving exceptional results in pre-litigation or litigation matters in the most cost-efficient means possible. She has also been featured as a co-author in the book “Breaking the Glass Ceiling – Influential Women in Business.” In addition to practicing law, Ms. Griffith is a network marketing professional with YOR Health, a health company which focuses on optimal health and well-being through nutrition. Ms. Griffith is helping people get their health, vitality and bodies back. She is passionate about educating people regarding their health and sharing the health, wealth and self-mentality of the YOR Health community. She is currently spearheading the expansion of YOR Health in several parts of the U.S.

121 A New Paradigm for Confidence & Success

By: Danielle M. Griffith

In a world where character and integrity seem to be more and more fleeting on a personal and business level, what can you do to increase or maintain your confidence and achieve success without being fake or stepping on others to get ahead? This chapter focuses on providing you with a new paradigm for confidence and success where honesty and integrity, as opposed to deception, manipulation or throwing others under the bus is the new paradigm. In operating from a place of honesty and integrity, you will inherently have confidence no matter what you are doing and therefore also have success. We, as people, struggle. For each person, the struggle is different. While some struggle with their confidence, self-worth, identity, or fears, others struggle with intimacy, expressing themselves, anger, commitment, honesty, loneliness, finding love, or finding happiness. For me, I’ve always struggled with fears of being abandoned, unwanted, unloved, or unworthy. My biggest desire above and beyond any professional or financial success is to love and be loved. To have that one person in my life that loves me, gets me, understands me, protects me, and is there for me and is present in my life. I was adopted at three days old. For many, adoption comes with a feeling or sense of being unwanted, unloved or abandoned. It’s an involuntary and natural reaction to being given up by the very people who are supposed to love and want you the most, your parents. Despite having amazing adoptive parents, those feelings ran deep through my being and were strengthened with the passing of

122 Insights into Self-Empowerment my father at the age of eleven and through various romantic relationships with physically or emotionally unavailable men. The three events that have had the greatest influence on my life growing up and in adulthood are: (1) being adopted; (2) my father passing away when I was eleven; and (3) my catastrophic knee injury in 2004. There are many others along the way but these are the three most defining moments. Above, I discussed the adoption and the impact it’s had on my life. My father passing strengthened my fear of abandonment but it also helped craft my identity as a strong, independent woman which has carried me much of my adult life. I’ve always been someone who cared greatly about everyone around me. I’m a pleaser and a giver. I sincerely want people to be happy, thriving and successful and I enjoy doing things for others. When my father passed away, my older brother took it very hard. I was worried about him and my mother, so when I got the news about my father’s passing, I made a promise to myself in that moment that I would always be able to take care of myself. I would never depend on anyone else and I would always be able to put food in my mouth and a roof over my head. A mantra that is still with me today and that I still live by. It has its good and bad qualities. In 2004, I suffered a catastrophic knee injury in a freak accident. My German Shepherd dislocated my knee cap and I suffered a permanent nerve injury to part of my quad muscle. I’ve been a chronic pain patient since the injury and have had four major knee surgeries since March of 2009, the most recent being a partial knee replacement in September 2013. As an athlete and someone who was always able to push my body to extremes, this injury was devastating. I no longer could do some sports and other physical activities I enjoyed and my knee became the focus of my life. I couldn’t walk more than two blocks without severe pain, couldn’t sit or stand for very long and couldn’t even run or jog anymore or my knee would buckle. Every activity was planned around my knee and whether I would have a place to sit or if the knee would be protected. I also lived with 24/7 pain and nothing helped. No surgeries, injections, patches, creams, pain medications, nothing. I was repeatedly challenged by my injury and my pain to either (1) give up; (2) become a victim of my injury and circumstances; or (3)

123 The Change7 persevere through the injury, find activities that I could do and not let my knee and my injury or pain define me. I chose option number 3, and continue to choose it to this very day. I mention this because our stories and our history play a huge role in how we develop, in our adult lives, in how we interact with the world, in how we self-sabotage, and in how we grow or fail to grow or accomplish things in our personal and professional lives. Those that know me would describe me as someone who is brutally honest, passionate, driven, ambitious, confident, successful, and who has a huge heart. If questioned about what has brought me success in their mind, they would likely say my honesty, that I’m unafraid to speak my mind or be real, and that I unapologetically go for what I want while keeping in alignment with integrity and while being true to my moral and ethical code. When people ask me what has brought me success I always think of this quote from the book Siddhartha: “Most people are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in the air, flutters, and falls to the ground. But a few others are like stars which travel one defined path, no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path.” When I read that book that particular quote just resonated with me. I felt as though it was talking about me specifically because I’ve always felt as though I beat to my own drum and I’ve always known who I was, what I wanted and where I was going in life and I have never wavered from my path. I may have digressed or gotten distracted at times but I never let those distractions take me off my path. I also feel as though this quote speaks about any successful person because to be successful you have to truly know what you want and be committed to getting there because it’s not easy. In fact, it’s very hard. Life happens, workplace politics happen, the economy happens and a successful person has to be willing to ride the wave and stay the course to get to where they want to be. They can’t have quit in them. I’ve never had quit in me, partly because I’ve always known who I am and what I want, but also because of that promise I made to myself as an 11 year old girl. That’s a huge motivation to keep going and endure whatever comes.

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If I had to look at tangible things or personality traits to define what it is about ME that has brought me success, I would have to say my perseverance, my refusal to give up, my work ethic, my personal ethical and moral code, not being afraid to ask for what I want, understanding the need for civility and maintaining good relationships with others, my willingness to be real and vulnerable and authentic, and that what you see is what you get. I think people have appreciated that about me. It can get ugly when embroiled in litigation and your client’s emotions are running high and your stress levels are at their max. It’s refreshing to come across someone authentic and honest, who presents things as they are, so you can rely on what they are saying with confidence and don’t feel like they are trying to pull one over on you. It’s also refreshing to come across someone who keeps their word and their commitments. My word is my bible and I never break it. When I had my knee injury I was involved in a litigation matter where my client’s potential exposure was over $4 million. We were in the middle of depositions and I was traveling all over California 3-5 days a week to attend them. I was home for the weekend when the accident occurred and had depositions that next week. I could have easily used my accident as an excuse to not travel and follow doctor’s orders to rest and not fly. But, I gave my word, to my client and my employer and we were in a critical point in the litigation. So, I went against doctor’s orders and continued to travel all over California on crutches and in wheelchairs to defend my client. At that moment, I sent a message to everyone, opposing counsel, my employer, and myself, that I was not a quitter, I wouldn’t stop when the going got tough, I wouldn’t pass the buck to someone else and if a serious injury couldn’t stop me, nothing else would. I got numerous job offers from opposing counsel after that because my reputation was set that no matter what I was going to handle my business and do what was right by my client, my co-workers and my employer. Too often people are willing to compromise their morals or ethical code in a professional environment and in their personal lives under the guise of “I was just doing my job” or “No one will know,” “what they don’t know won’t hurt them,” or any other variety of those thought patterns. One lie here, one manipulation there, one looking the other way here, one passing the blame there. Little occurrences

125 The Change7 which take one away from their true self one incident at a time. When that occurs a snowball effect happens and the deviation from one’s ethical or moral code becomes greater and greater without even realizing it, until you look in the mirror one day and no longer recognize yourself or wonder how did I get to this place? In addition to having your own inner drive or path, another element to success is confidence. If you allow yourself to deviate from your moral/ethical code like the examples used above, you could lose confidence. Or, maybe you were struggling with confidence already. This chapter is dedicated to a new paradigm of confidence and success. For me personally, my confidence has always come from knowing I’m doing the right thing. With that, there is nothing against me, nothing above me, and no challenge or opposition too big. I know, no matter what, I am operating from a place of unapologetic authenticity, honesty and integrity and no matter what the outcome, I can always walk away with my head held high. Nothing can defeat me. When you are always being honest, truthful or acting in alignment with integrity it can give you true, unshakeable confidence because you are doing what’s right, for yourself (so you can look yourself in the mirror), for others (because people tend to respond in kind: if you present truth and honesty, it’s more likely that will be mirrored back to you, just like if you present fakeness, aggressiveness or inauthenticity, it’s more likely you will receive that in return), and for the planet (so you are contributing to a heightened state of awareness and consciousness when interacting with others and spreading that as opposed to deceit or underhandedness into the world). People can smell a fraud a mile away and people have grown more aware of those that are being dishonest or acting with a lack of integrity and character. I personally believe people have grown tired of the lack of honesty, integrity, character and vulnerability in the world and truly seek realness and rawness and people they feel are being honest with them. People are tired of feeling like someone is trying to get one over on them, personally and professionally. People are wise and they can tell when you are coming from a place of honesty and integrity and they will be more open to interacting with you on a personal level or working with you on a business level.

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When you are not being truthful or not coming from a place of integrity it could affect your confidence because you know you are not being honorable and therefore paranoid and possibly even looking over your shoulder in both personal and professional situations. It could then cause you anxiety because then you might overthink everything you are doing and stress over what people think of you, and even could cause that snowball effect I described above to begin as you do another act, or say another thing, and another and another trying to gain credibility for the dishonest or inauthentic action or interaction you engaged in. When you eliminate that and come from a place of truth, honesty and integrity, you don’t have to worry about anything. You can’t be wrong. I’m offering a new paradigm for confidence and success where true, unshakeable confidence comes from living in and operating from a place of integrity and NOT from positive or inflated thoughts of self, etc. as so many people think. Imagine that. Imagine being in that space for a moment. Imagine living in and operating from a place of integrity at all times and in all situations and what true unshakeable confidence that would give you. Can you feel it? Do you feel your own strength and power? Do you feel confident? Now feeling that, would you doubt yourself? Would you doubt what you are doing? Would you doubt if it would be successful? Would you be fearful? Would you be afraid to carry on? Would you question whether it was the right thing? Would you care what others thought? Would you be scared to ask for what you want? Would you be scared to go after what you want? NO!!! I hope your answer is no. It should be no. You don’t need an inflated sense of self, an arrogance or ego to give you confidence or to achieve success. You don’t need to step on others or throw others under the bus in order to succeed. All you have to do is to be the real, raw, authentic version of yourself acting with a strong sense of character and integrity. With that there is no reason to lack confidence, and there is nothing to be afraid of because you can do no wrong, you are always doing the right thing. What I’ve realized along the way, working in a male dominated industry with people of perceived stature and with those that operate

127 The Change7 at an elevated level is that you can easily lose yourself and also be lost in the fold if you don’t have something to hold onto, something solid, something of substance. I’ve also realized there are a million people willing to walk all over you to get to the top, to compromise their integrity to “win”, and that will threaten/intimidate you for sport in an attempt to throw you off your game and give them an advantage. I’ve witnessed people unwilling to help others grow and achieve for fear it will affect their foothold or position. I also know from a business standpoint that you have to ask for what you want, forget what you think you deserve. When you are working for someone else, they will usually pay you the least amount possible because you are building their dream life and lining their pocket. So, if you want something you have to be your own advocate or make your own path. Nothing is going to be handed to you. Does that mean I haven’t been screwed over, taken advantage of and even sometimes, passed over? No, not at all. Does that mean I haven’t watched those that act with less honesty, integrity and ethics get promoted, make more money or rise the ranks? Of course not, that all still happens. I’ve encountered all these situations. I’ve had older male attorneys attempt to threaten or intimidate me because I was younger and because I was a woman. I’ve been paid less than I was worth. I’ve been passed over for jobs and promotions. I’ve seen unethical people prosper and horrible people get promoted. I’ve seen people compromise themselves and their ethics for the job or for another person. All these scenarios, along with my own inner guidance and voice, have pushed me to a greater state of awareness of myself, my surroundings, the world, and the greater good. With that greater state of awareness I was able to identify that my confidence comes from my strong inner sense of right and wrong and my refusal to compromise my integrity for any person or thing. It gives me the utmost confidence that I can literally accomplish anything. With this confidence I also finally realized I was tired of building someone else’s dream life instead of my own, so I took that leap of faith and started my own business, actually started two businesses, and I couldn’t be happier. Now I am the master of my destiny and I am crafting my own dream life. And you can too! I own and operate my own litigation law firm and I am a network marketing

128 Insights into Self-Empowerment professional with a health company. I’ve devoted my life to self- development, self-empowerment and personal growth and empowering and helping others to grow and thrive and succeed. My job as an attorney is to help people when they can no longer help themselves. To be their gladiator, advocate and savior to an extent. My job as a network marketing professional is to literally help people transform from the inside out, not only with their health but with their self and maybe even their wealth. No matter what the scenario, the goal is the same, help others while adhering to my code of ethics, honesty and integrity. THAT is something people will always get behind or a person people will always want to align with. And I believe it’s the future of confidence and success. What do you think? *** To contact Danielle: Email: [email protected] Website: www.DanielleMGriffith.com Skype: DanielleG999 Facebook Business Page: Danielle M. Griffith LinkedIn: Danielle M. Griffith

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Dr. Tom Heemstra

Dr. Tom Heemstra is Founder and CEO of MACH 5 Leadership Solutions, an executive coaching/leadership consulting firm. Dr. Heemstra is a noted author, speaker, and adjunct professor at the College of Mt. St. Joseph. He holds a Doctorate degree in Strategic Leadership from Regent University; and is a distinguished military graduate from the U.S. Air Force Academy. He is a 20-year Air Force veteran, former F-16 Fighter Pilot and Squadron Commander with 15 combat missions over Iraq. Tom is currently an International Captain for a major U.S. airline. Tom lives on gorgeous Norris Lake with his wife, Alise, near Knoxville, Tennessee where he founded projects like The Sanctuary and Creator’s University. The Sanctuary Foundation by MACH 5 is a short-term retreat center for wounded leaders and injured (PTSD) soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. Creator’s University is a creative think-tank designed to help businesses with innovation and problem solving, through inspired creativity; as well as “help teens achieve their creative dreams,” in a school outreach program. As he pursues his passion to have positive global impact, Dr. Heemstra is available for leadership workshops, seminars, keynote speeches, and retreats.

131 The Words and the Bees of Bold

Transformational Change!

By Dr. Tom Heemstra

What’s all the buzz you ask? Here’s the BIG change. Remember the old sexy cliché: “the birds and the bees”. Well, even that has changed! While freeing you from the old, this chapter similarly grabs your attention to focus on the refreshing, but critical “words and bees” required for better leadership, in the process and pursuit of “bold transformational change”. These next three B-words: Believe, Become, and Be-Do (a new hyphenated word) will inform your future, inspire your heart, invigorate your thinking, and invite you to an incredible, liberated life-change not yet imagined. How? By offering you and other leaders the freedom to fully Become. From these 3 B’s: “Become” shows “how” healthy evaluation will help you achieve the ultimate quest for all your future endeavors. Be-Do, offers a word variation to describe and inform the “who” and “what” highlighting you, your performance, and your actions. And, finally “Believe” refines your motivational, most powerful “why”. Imagine now a visual tool for personal leadership development called the Transformational Triangle, illustrated below, depicting

132 Insights into Self-Empowerment this process. Like the early Greeks triangular, delta-symbol for change, this Transformational Triangle is “The Change” you seek. Here is the simple tool:

Albert Einstein said: “Everything should be as simple as it can be, but not simpler”. This is the simple goal, a memorable, experiential learning model with the power to create buzz and positive change in every personal relationship and activity. The Buzz of these B’s. Completely surrounded, buzzing bees immediately capture your attention. You frantically look around, and up. These bees: Believe, Be-Do, and Become provide an urgent, complete scan, and direct you to aspiring future heights. Isn’t this the promise of transformational change and leader development? Most people seek an escape from the frantic beehive of change, either with positive and proactive action, or with a death-grip on the status quo. However, hope dies when you repel change, or ignore the positive effects of opportunity and change. Yet, freedom from the clutches of despair and destruction is the objective aimed towards finding, achieving, and maintaining personal or organizational identity, and meaning, amongst complex and noisy change. Aspiring for liberating, transcendent value in this all-too- common, busy, continuous lifestyle of change with a solid framework for personal and/or organizational growth and adaptability, is a noble, worthy, lofty, and achievable goal. Ghandi said, “I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.” For individuals and organizations, to become all they were meant to be, to become fully alive and free, the full expression of you requires change.

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With lofty insight Einstein adds, “All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man’s life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.” Freedom in the natural metamorphosis, transformational change process of “becoming” is brilliantly illustrated in the example of the hairy, wormlike larvae, caterpillar that fights it way out of the cocoon, yearning to take flight in the full colorful expression and transition of a broad-winged, beautiful butterfly. You too are being called out of your shell. Freedom to change, freedom to become. Freedom to soar. To pursue the metaphysical beyond, where transformational change processes inspire you to great potential heights. In pursuit of the stars or beyond: to become a star—a leader who has the capability, competency, character, and credibility to catalyze transformational change. Becoming a star, “a leader worth following” (from GiANT Co-founders Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram) is your focus to understand this previously veiled process of transformation to reach that destination, to become all you were created to be. Personal and corporate change must occur. The Dangers and Obstacles In the early 1970’s only 5% of corporate America’s managers thought some continuous, overlapping change would occur; but twenty years later, 75% saw reality and changed their future view. Further, about 60% thought that no significant change would happen, but by the 1990’s only 1% believed no change would occur. (Daryl Conner) Today everyone recognizes the danger in that thinking and struggles to cope with life at the speed of change. Your choice: Destiny or demise. Freedom or fear. Not everyone likes change, thinking, hoping, just wanting things to stay the same, craving their comfort zone of sloth, complacency, mediocrity, incompetence; or they hope to remain steady on autopilot without much work or effort required. Appearing as the path of least resistance, this ruse is enticingly deceptive.

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However, change demands effort and commitment just as the butterfly expends energy to reach its higher state. Passive spectators of change eventually crash and burn. Their thoughts can be traced to wrong or misguided beliefs and fear, stubbornness, holding on to the past, power, or prestige, which there is no guarantee of holding onto anyway. How foolish! Author and missionary, Jim Elliot’s famous counsel reminds, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Investing effort and resources for positive lasting change is wisdom. Today’s world guarantees change, not wisdom. People often say, in fact, that the only guarantee is change. More dangerous than entering the Bermuda triangle, the fear of failure, fear of success, or fear of their own shadow, like the shadow of future expectations cloud their mind. Fear of changing bad beliefs, which may bring openness to the unknown, unexplored, or unexplained fog their brains. The greatest fear should be fear of bee-ing left bee-hind. Be-cause change is no longer linear, nor predictable, but exponentially, synergistically compounding, and gathering complexity. Confronting you like never before is a dynamic world of fast, rapidly accelerating, massive change, where ducking or delaying will get you left behind. Fear and uncertainty keeps many grounded, and robs their freedom to become, their growth opportunity. Fear stifles change. Fear is the dream-killer and stealer of freedom. Instead of being steadfast and grounded only by a foundational faith from strong empowering beliefs, many are literally grounded by fears. They are frozen in their footsteps, seeking cover, and cowering from circumstances, avoiding action, bypassing or sabotaging success with the fear of increased responsibilities. Being afraid to venture out for change creates further bad habits, negative inertia, and resistance to change based on false beliefs where individuals and organizations become champions of victimhood, blaming everyone and everything else. When and while their fears are magnified, eventually people are diminished and their performance suffers. As leaders they become weak, timid, withdrawn, stressed; become cowards with small

135 The Change7 ambitions and actions. As people they become small, especially relative to the overwhelming force of change, the enormity of modern day challenges, and potential opportunities. However, former South African President Nelson Mandela reminds you that, “You are playing small does not serve the world.” (originally Marianne Williamson.) While the world becomes smaller, the need for strong transformational leaders is greater now, more than ever. These words will help you lead change, clarify, and guide your leadership journey. The Words Life is a battle of ideas. So, words and ideas form the basis of our most powerful beliefs. Here’s an axiom for action and positive, powerful personal change: Own the words, and your most powerful beliefs; and you will win the battle, plus the war within. Words are not always interchangeable, and are definitely more powerful than a two-edged sword according to ancient manuscripts. Therefore, here it is important to distinguish between the words form, conform, reform, and transform as they frame your destiny and future hope. Form is the shape, outline, orderly arranged pattern, configuration, structure, distinctive appearance, of a person. People are fashioned, constructed, made in some particular way, or molded into being (DNA) by creation, personality (nature), environment (nurture), training, habit, and discipline (choices). Conform is incremental change, to fashion, form, or make; or to become the same or similar, to bring into harmony, agreement, or accord, or to behave in a conventional way. Aligning people’s beliefs to agree that the Titanic is unsinkable is blind conformity. John F. Kennedy suggests “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth”. So, conforming does not necessarily serve you well, whereas transformation offers hope. Dangerously

136 Insights into Self-Empowerment conforming is different than conforming for harmony in teams, while unnecessary conformity crushes ambition. Reform is also limited change to make or become better, correct faults or remove defects, problems or errors; or forming again to improve behavior, character, or conduct. Fixation on reforming or realigning chairs on the deck of the Titanic, only to miss the big picture, looming iceberg is not any better. Leaders, however, can reform their personal and professional faults. For example, improving interpersonal skills can make leaders better catalysts for real transformational change. Transform deals with the radical change of the outward appearance, personality, character, condition, structure, nature or function of; the process or result of creating or recreating something new; almost miraculous, supernatural, metaphysical change to another object, change from the inside out, or a change of inner nature vs. outside appearance, where the DNA potential was already contained inside. Then as a result of growth, development, in collaboration with the supernatural, yielded a more complex higher form of leader, a transcendent higher order of increased potential and organization changing the identity, product, idea, service, or relationship. Consider the tadpole to frog to prince transformation! Or, an organization, like many major U.S. airlines have experienced: transformation exiting bankruptcy when the right people, processes, and core values were already inside the company all along. Transformational change is the focus, not mind-numbing incrementalism (Hamel) or incremental change or incremental innovation. How to fully achieve creative transformational change is “The Change” to pursue, the only relevant and substantial change. But why should you care? Because and Believe-the Why Atop the Transformational Triangle sits your belief. Your most powerful why. Because, the great and powerful why is the cause for which you believe. The reason: your because, your belief and the cause of your motivation is your powerful, all important why: why you are here, existing and doing; your purpose, and the why of your

137 The Change7 belief. (Sinek) Consider that the transition from success to significance, and to succession is based on what you believe. You will see what you will be-leaving, from both what you are believing, and becoming, is your legacy, when your life is gone. What will be your legacy? Most actions originate from what you believe. Do you believe in your fears, and give too much power to false evidence appearing real? (F.E.A.R.) Remember: “Own your most powerful beliefs; and you will win the battle, plus the war within.” Owning your beliefs always wins the day. Your most powerful beliefs become your pursuits, shape, and drive you. To win the battle, believing in yourself, the rightness of your cause, and your actions makes you a victor, rather than becoming helpless victims of change, or bystanders in the battle of ideas, and in your personal battles as well. Helen Keller’s counsel proved she was not blind to risk when she said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Cherish her insight, and seize the day. Her courage to overcome inherent earthbound risks overcame the failure to adequately adapt and change. She was not thinking about small change. Nor did she become small, shriveling from circumstance and calls from the crowd; but dreaming big, thinking big, shooting for the unseen stars. Her beliefs made her more than equal to the call, and greater than the challenge. Adventure calls with purpose, your why, as Steve Jobs said: “We’re here to put a dent in the universe.” To put a dent, to have an impact; and now it’s possible to have global impact. Yours becomes a transcendent purpose. With incredible, exponentially expanding opportunities, mindboggling technology, connectivity and fingertip-accessible knowledge, plus runaway change to impact the earth in a global economy; but also more importantly because, you are uniquely designed, fashioned, and equipped; you simply must change. Accept the challenge, begin the adventure, or risk irrelevance as many

138 Insights into Self-Empowerment failing businesses and organizations are realizing in the 21st century, many too late. Organizations are also limited by their beliefs. What members believe about their company, their values-who they are at their core, and what sets them apart, their products, and the environment, and their adaptability to the rate of change, and what they do, or are willing to do, altogether limits who they will become. That’s why the new source of competition is continuous innovation, and transformation capabilities. Forty percent of companies on the Fortune 500 a decade ago have vanished. However, beliefs alone are not enough. Actions based on your beliefs help you become, and that why motivation is the link from Belief to Be-Do. Tichy and DeVanna exhort you to “Think like men of action, act like men of thought. Be-Do: Who and What Act thoughtfully, to have worldwide impact. There is risk in your actions moving forward. But greater risks accumulate while frozen. Get out of the beehive where life is noisy at the speed of change. If you are assertively active, ask yourself in that activity, are you accomplishing anything of value and becoming a value-able leader? Or is change passing you by? Examine who you are (Be-ing), and what you are Do-ing; where Be is your attributes, and Do is your actions that guide the process. As Ghandi challenged, “Be the change you want to see in the world,” providing the connection of being and doing. “Be” is from the verb: is or are, the point being your identity. Your sense of who you are, (belief) of identity, is absolutely critical to healthy mental, physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual living and thriving. Who are you? And what does it mean to be fully human? The book entitled, “The R.E.S.T. of the Story: Transformational Leadership Development” (Heemstra) breaks this down in greater detail to access the full transformational power of leadership and self-mastery.

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Nature, nurture or environment, and choice--based on what you believe, all make up who you are and how you act or behave. Attributes of character, and actions of competency determine credibility for leaders. Effective leaders must have self-awareness- to know themselves, as the critical key to positive growth and personal change. GiANT, in their goal to apprentice those desiring “to become leaders worth following” use the tool: “Know yourself (Be) to Lead (D0) yourself”, emphasizing the critical nature of this concept. (Cockram/Kubicek) Who you are and how you see yourself is based on what you believe about yourself, but still provides only a partial perspective. How would others say you are doing? How do they see you? Valuable feedback from 360 degree assessments give a great picture of who you are; not just what you think about yourself, but a 360 degree view from those around you: superiors, peers, and subordinates. How others think, see, and experience you is invaluable to your growth. Identify completely who you are and your personal definition of success as parameters that will signify that you are becoming both successful and significant to be-leaving a great legacy. (Bill Bright) Now how will you assertively act? How will you change? Aristotle said “We are what we repeatedly do.” The familiar banner: “Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.” (Covey, Emerson) What changes or sacrifices of the old self will you make for what you could become? “The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become,” (Charles DuBois) when serving is our quest. Organizations must understand the power of transformational innovation in creative self-destruction (Schumpeter) to be willing to let old things pass away, in order to maintain relevance and serve the future marketplace. And behold, new things come or be-come to serve customers, employees, and community.

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“First serve, then lead.” (Pascerella) Then you are acting, in order to become a servant leader. Individuals must be willing to sacrifice pride, power, and possessions that never promise to fulfill, to serve others. And organizations ready to institutionalize transformational change processes by demonstrating servant leadership put customers and employees first before senior management. By their actions, and your actions, who you are, ventures for how you serve and lead, and what you can become: good or bad. Your performance defines who you are for others, the link to who you can and will ultimately become. Become: the How Your Goal in becoming leaders is self-mastery, or self-leadership. One cannot lead others if unable to lead themselves. Former hockey great Wayne Gretzky described anticipating and skating to where the puck was going to be as key to his success. Maneuvering and mastering your life, amidst the chaos of change, where person, performance, purpose, passion, and pursuit all intersect is key to becoming a successful leader of significance. Leaders acting like men of thought, who have traversed experience, evaluated or analyzed who and why they are becoming, discover the link from Become to Believe. Evaluate where you need to adjust or grow, what you must believe, and what you must do in order to become that leader worth following. From your evaluation, and the evaluation of others, don’t worry if you are unhappy with the results of who you are today. Remember the Transformational Triangle is an experiential learning model. You are learning every day. Lifelong learning is a continuous, valuable, and essential process for leaders, where it’s okay both to fail, and to fail. Just dust off, get up and tri-angle, or try again! The bonus of becoming offers an energizing, prescriptive, renewal process; direction, and goal for leaders to have inspiring impact larger than a dent. Be Encouraged!

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History hinges on such heroes. So, become the hero of your story, as you write it. Decide what you believe, about who you are, and what you will do in your aspiration to become that hero. Our country needs great leader-heroes now more than ever. Our nation needs you. As Eric Hoffer claims in The True Believer, “Leaders must know how to kindle and fan an extravagant hope to transform or change a nation.” Your nation, and the world need transformational leaders like you. Like the dough that contains the “DNA” of flour, water and sugar; the yeast-catalyst is you: the Leader that multiplies, penetrates, permeates, activates and causes the dough throughout to rise. Causing dough in your business and family to rise is another benefit! Prosperity and success comes from catalytic courage in action. Courage is one of those required ingredients for bold transformational leaders. Courage is a choice. And you are now free to make that choice. Though, even maintaining that freedom requires bravery. Seneca insists, “He who is brave is free.” While, those bound by fear of change will never make a difference, and will slowly die as their lives and freedoms disintegrate around them. Shakespeare describes in Julius Caesar: “Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.” Become a valiant and valuable, liberating leader worth following. Believe that, because you are needed: Keep on Being, and Becoming Great! To Contact Tom: MACH 5 website: www.mach5ls.com Tom’s e-mail: [email protected] Tom’s Cell: 865 585-0047

142 Amina Hedayat Khalil, CPC, ELI-MP

Amina Hedayat Khalil, speaker, published author, and coach, has more than 37 years of experience working with women and men from different cultures to overcome differences and harmonize family, school, and work environments. Her service leadership qualities have allowed her to gain the cooperation of diverse groups when managing projects and events. Her studies of International Marketing, Cross-Cultural Communication, Psychology, and Intersections in Sociology, helped shape her approach to working with many foreign students and expatriates working and living in the United States facilitating workshops and seminars for them and their families. For eleven years, Amina worked directly with youth on their personal development and leadership abilities; today, many are successful professionals in their various fields. Amina has given lectures for many organizations and various universities, among them Michigan State University and the University of Michigan. Amina is a graduate of the Eli Broad School of Business, Michigan State University, a Certified Professional Coach, and an Energy Leadership Index Assessment Master Practitioner from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching. She is a Certified Strategic Intervention Coach from the Robbins-Madanes Coach Training. Amina earned the Highest Award of Achievement as a Dale Carnegie Training graduate.

143 How Your Thought Patterns Influence Your Marriage and How to Prevent Divorce Before Problems Appear

By Amina Hedayat Khalil

You know what they say: “You don’t know a person well until you share a toilet!” How true is this? Well, I say, you don’t know a person well until you share and understand their thoughts! “Your thoughts shape your marriage outcomes!” As you step into marriage, you dream of a fantastic life of love, romance, and happiness, and as the days go by, you realize that something is different than what you’ve envisioned your life is going to be. Marriage is the one major life institution to be affected by the way you and your spouse “think.” Happily Ever After Is More than Just A Word At the end of all romantic stories you read, “And they lived happily ever after!” Is this line a cliché that doesn’t exist anymore? According to the UN’s Demographics and Social Statistics Division, which keeps track of population rates, births, marriages and divorces in each country, divorce rates are reaching soaring numbers as never before. In its 2013 Demographic yearbook, (http://www.therichest.com/rich-list/world/worlds-10-most- divorced-nations/?view=all) countries which scored above 50% include the United States at 53%, France 55%, Cuba 56%, Czech Republic 66%, and Belgium at a whopping 71%. To leave a marriage because a relationship is failing or it’s not working anymore is a choice, but from the very beginning of the engagement

144 Insights into Self-Empowerment some serious action steps need to be taken, as you shall see later in this chapter. The Beginning of Your Thought Journey Once the nurses placed you in your mother’s arms when you came out of her womb, your thought journey began. The influencers, whether environmental, emotional, mental, spiritual, etc., which shape your thought patterns, happen from this first moment. You go home with your parents, and, either you are in your mother’s or father’s arms or you are left alone in a baby seat without much physical touch. The first environment in which you’re born influences your thought development, and the dynamics of your parent’s thoughts and beliefs are bombarding your being at all levels. Add another vital influencer; your socio-economic surroundings, which also provide you with capsules of cultural norms to form your sense belonging and your overall frame of reference. Your perspective of life becomes shaped around what’s right and what’s wrong in order to fit in the group. At the moment when you become your own individual, you find yourself already with the imprints of others on your thoughts and on your view of the world. Your storehouse of knowledge has been determined for you before you can even think about who you are at the core. As a baby, you are born into an environment that is unique to you. Growing through the years, beliefs, events, interactions, relationships, studying, etc., act together to shape your thoughts. If there were negative or positive effects, they for sure affect your picture of the world. Reality Hits The “Will You Marry Me” moment is an incredible moment and you cherish it for the rest of your life. In a marriage, you look at each other individually and examine how you and your partner have a default thought dynamic that shapes your life. Not in a gender context but as separate individuals who were exposed to different family environments.

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When you fall in love and decide you want to share your life with the one you love, it becomes apparent in what areas you are different. As you prepare for the wedding, you will realize how both of your thought patterns are influenced. At this point, you will predict how conflict might arise, and you have to learn how it could be managed. The inner process, which happens inside your brain—from perception, to cognition, to processing information—produces how you will interact with your spouse. A thought that pops into your mind triggers certain hormones, which in turn will cause an emotion that floods your system. Consequently, you will act upon what you feel. Let’s say you got married and have a baby and she asks you to help with changing the baby’s diaper. Coming from a family where the man of the house has nothing to do with diapers or dishes, you refuse. She gets upset and starts accusing you of not being of any help around the house or with the baby, ever. You become angry because you’re living according to a belief you were raised with in your family, and she is only causing a problem. Adrenaline starts pumping into your body and you feel a surge of emotions. You have a choice of either to fight with her or to leave the house and go see your buddies. You decide to leave while still not understanding why she is upset. You also become angry because she thinks that you never help, which is, in your own mind, not true! Meanwhile, she is at home by herself feeling trapped and lonely. “So many times, relationships break up without people even knowing what went wrong. The most important way to ensure success in any relationship is to communicate clearly up front.” – Tony Robbins “Honey, what are you thinking about?” Men, in general, don’t like to share their thoughts. You might say some men like to keep a mysterious aura around them. Some women might think that men are hiding something when they don’t share their thoughts, and they become frustrated when men get upset and challenge their request. Now, if you ask your woman: “Honey, what are you thinking about?” she’ll be exhilarated and above the seventh

146 Insights into Self-Empowerment cloud! She’ll believe that you are so much into her and want to know everything about her! Yet, how can you get the one you love to open up and thereby become vulnerable? Love Influence Your Steps to Change In one of my experiences as an engaged couples coach, I attended a bridal show to meet face to face with brides-to-be to let them know about the services I offer. I stood in front of my booth to grab the attention of people walking by, and a young lady with a determined walk came towards me. Her hawk-like eyes scanned my banner above, which read: “There Is Wedding Planning and Then There Is Marriage Planning! Engaged Couples and Newlyweds Coaching.” With a swift turn, flinging her long blonde hair to the right side, she said: “We don’t need coaching, we’re perfect!” My eyebrows expressed my astonishment; lifting my whole face with them, I asked, “What makes you so confident?” “He’s a sweetheart; he does everything I tell him!” She replied. To be fair, he might be happy at the outset doing everything she tells him, but how is it going to be in five, ten, or fifteen years? Maybe some marriages are built upon one person in control of the other and maybe they can be satisfied for the rest of their lives in this situation. But as you grow, your needs change, and one must consider, “What moves you change?” As for this couple mentioned above, I’m sure this woman’s fiancé will want to change at some moment in the future. What does it take to get a person to change? A general belief states that pain has to be present, or pleasure has to be desired for a person to be motivated to change. But, why do pain or pleasure have to be strong enough to cause the desire to change? Here, I’m advocating to fire up your determination to change as a Preventive measure for not losing the one you love before any pain happens and to appreciate the pleasure you get from the relationship to continue…“in sickness and in health, till death do us part!” Since the health revolution of the 1980s, which focuses on eating healthy and exercising, millions of people have ridden that wave and

147 The Change7 have worked hard to lead a healthy, vibrant life. Why aren’t they doing the same for a healthy relationship? Love moves people! It can cause couples to go against their families’ wishes, a man to leave his family, a King to revoke his throne, even a mother to leave her children. Love can be so strong, it becomes a purpose to live. My program to coach engaged couples and newlyweds is based on this idea of prevention. I prepared the program as an educational platform through which the couple will be involved in doing exercises together, filling out assessments and creating their vision and mission together. Do you know how beneficial it is if you work on understanding the differences in what influenced both of you in different ways? It will make your marriage deeper and healthier. We Are One “We are one!” Katherine said in a seductive, playful voice as she took Joe’s hand and wrapped it around her waist. “No, we’re not!” Joe said pulling himself back from her. Joe’s words seemed so harsh at this intimate moment and Katherine gave him a soft punch. “What’s that for?” Joe said. “That is for being insensitive!” “I’m not insensitive, I’m being realistic,” replied Joe. Katherine turned away from him and shrugs her shoulders. How true is Katherine’s statement? As a way to describe the concept here, I use the fresh- and salt-water example. Mix fresh water from the lake with salt water from the ocean and you’ll get diluted, fresh, salty water! Mix two humans into a relationship and both will become diluted over time. Both kinds of water have the same basic chemical composition—H2O—but each contains other elements that the other doesn’t hold. The two humans

148 Insights into Self-Empowerment possess same physical elements but, oh, do they differ at the emotional, mental, and personality elements. Now bring together two people from different backgrounds, from different neighborhoods, or from different environments, and, they want to get married and live the rest of their lives together. What should they do to mix well together while preserving their own elements? How can their unique elements be used to smoothly intertwine to avoid a severe reaction of conflict and arguments? What Awareness Do Couples Experience When They Learn Together About Each Other From The Core And Share Their Thoughts? Thoughts are powerful, and they do shape every one of us in ways beyond even the slightest imagination. When thoughts are shared honestly and openly together, it makes one vulnerable, which is a blessing. Being vulnerable to the one we love bestows upon us the power to become closer and inseparable. The strength behind sharing our thoughts and exposing our deepest fears and desires helps to build an irresistible relationship that lasts a lifetime. Intra-personal intelligence is how each member of a couple processes his or her information internally. What are the default patterns of their thought process, and how does each act or react accordingly? For example, one of them may keep their focus on the other’s actions, for example: “Why doesn’t he want to help me with the gardening? I need his help! I’m so frustrated with him! He could have helped me lift the forty-pound soil bag! He’s such a lazy guy!” Her thoughts get fired up with negative thoughts and judgments just because he didn’t want to help her. What this thought pattern would do is to cause the problem to grow disproportionally and even explode in both of their faces. Her brain keeps recycling those thoughts to the extent that she gets a headache, starts crying, and feels like a victim. Her judgment of him as being lazy and unhelpful gets her to think more about how unlucky she was to have a lazy husband, while, for example, her friend’s husband shares and enjoys gardening with his wife.

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This thought process and recycled words cause her to become depressed, and she forgets all about the great things her husband does for her. Her body reflects the depression by having a slouched back and tight shoulders. She stops smiling and retreats to her room, avoiding any possible discussion or confrontation. Looking at this picture, you see a couple that, for one simple rejection of help, stirred a wave of thoughts and emotions that resulted in retraction and isolation. How would their lives be with all of those interplays of thoughts, emotions, and actions? This example is intentionally exaggerated to show the extent of a simple action that may lead to a thought process that in turn leads to a depressing action. In a marriage, when a couple decides to live their lives together, having a discovery strategic plan from the very beginning of their commitment will help not only prevent divorce or any disastrous ending of the relationship, it will encourage both partners to work on helping each other overcome any weakness caused by a wrong thought. For the above example, the husband never liked gardening and would avoid it to any extent. After discovering the reason why he reacts this way, the wife hugs him and now she has a clear understanding of his thought dynamics. When he was a child, his dad was helping his mother garden and while using the hedge trimmer his dad accidently trimmed one of his fingers off. He saw blood from the wound splatter all over the sidewalk and the bushes, and it took the emergency paramedics half an hour to find the finger, so they could rush his father to the hospital to try to save the finger by surgically reattaching it. If he had mentioned this story to his wife before, her disappointment would have become a sentiment of understanding and support. All the above sequence of inner events would have been avoided. The most fruitful moment is when each person gets clarity on his or her own thoughts and inner dynamics. Their love will blossom and they reach a point in their relationship where they become one and inseparable.

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What Are The Most Important Intrinsic Factors You Need To Learn About Your Spouse-To-Be? I’ve coached engaged couples to help them build a strong foundation for their marriage: how? I gave them different assessments to get to first know and understand themselves and their elements. When each of them discovers why they act in a certain way or what their default patterns are when they are under stress, great results are sure to appear. Both are ready and willing to change to make their relationship lasts “till death do us part!” What are the intrinsic factors you need to discover before committing to marriage? Values: Values are your guideposts in life; they are the landmarks of what you do with passion for what’s important to you. The lenses through which you see the world are built on Values. Values shape your beliefs and commitments, and when your Values get challenged, you become confused and irritable. Remember the happiest times of your life? During those times you’ll realize your values were being honored. You feel the joy and peace of no contradictions and you are living your values. Now, as you choose your life partner, if their values are similar to yours, you are in total harmony. There will not be much bickering, conflict, or confusion. If they are different, however, you should expect bickering, conflict, and confusion. When love is strong and both partners are willing to work hard at the relationship, then expect success at all levels. Values are one criterion in a relationship that could make or break the relationship. Here both intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence work hand in hand to make this union or partnership a holistic package. Both will work on their inner thought process to understand and accept their partner’s values, and work on finding out ways to accommodate their mutual existence. The most important factor in this process is not to compare each other, or to feel one of your values has been compromised. If you can live with this approach and learn to love it as you love the person who holds the value, then you have reached a milestone in your relationship.

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Goals in Life: Once both of you understand and know the other’s goals in life, both of you will be respectful and appreciative of the steps the other takes to achieve those goals. A clear idea from the beginning of the engagement about whose goals are what and how they will be reached will give both of you a peace of mind that your life steps are coordinated. Clear goals are an integral factor in a successful marriage. Intrinsic Motives and Needs: I use a few assessments, which uncovers what motivates you to do something in order to fulfill a certain human need. You can fulfill these needs in a spectrum of ways—between what is considered acceptable in your environment, all the way to identifying what is considered inappropriate. It all depends on your thoughts and what shaped those thoughts. If your partner becomes insecure and demands that you to check in with her all the time, it might be a good idea to take one of those assessments to uncover the basis for her insecurity. In this situation, she might be fulfilling the need of certainty, which has to do with feeling safe, secure, and protected. She wants to feel certain about your love and your connection to her. Another assessment that I use measures where your energy level drops when you are under stress and how you react to stressful events. When your partner has the awareness of your reactions and emotions, then your relationship will be managed. These are just two examples out of many other tools to use to ensure your deep understanding and conscious awareness of the intrinsic dynamics of your partner. Conclusion Sharing a toilet is not enough to know your spouse-to-be well: sharing your thoughts is the most powerful indicator. You need to take massive steps to share and understand your fiancé’s thought dynamics. These three intrinsic and core matters are just an example of what you need to discover along with your partner during the engagement. These three factors shape much of your thoughts and the way you approach life in general. There are many more elements that can be discovered, but some are more important than others. As long as the foundation of love is present, the clear understanding and sharing of thoughts—which are shaped by the many influences

152 Insights into Self-Empowerment mentioned above—then you and your spouse will thrive in marriage. Thoughts do shape your marriage outcome! *** To contact Amina: Audere Interpersonal Intelligence +1(517)507-0550 [email protected] www.aminahedayat.com www.audereintelligence.com www.facebook.com/amina.khalil.543 www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=3128825&trk=hp-identity- name

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Clay S. Nelson

Clay S. Nelson is the founder of Clay Nelson Life Balance, an executive coaching firm that specializes in teaching leaders from all industries how to reach their greatest potential in both their professional and personal lives. He founded Clay Nelson Life Balance™ in order to help executive leaders create what may be missing in their lives: purpose, personal planning, strategic visionary thinking, business planning, team, greater well-being, fun, effective delegation through team management, and accountability. The core of Clay’s coaching philosophy revolves around life balance and accountability for learning, growing, and then teaching others. Teaching from this core philosophy for more than three decades, Clay provides leaders, and their teams, with business and professional coaching and mentoring, leadership development, change management, mediation, planning, and system analyses. In addition to being an experienced entrepreneur and executive business coach, Clay is also a speaker and author of several workbook guides on the topics of Business Planning, Marketing, Leadership, Work-Life Balance, and Personal and Business Accountability, and an educational CD series, as well as a book titled, Moving You Forward: One Thought at a Time. Clay resides in Bozeman, Montana with his wife, Susan, and his English bulldog, Cooper.

155 How to Live a Happier, Healthier, More Productive Life Little Changes That Make a Big Impact

By Clay S. Nelson

In our culture today, most of us have taken on a work ethic that says, “In order to be successful, I must work more than fifty hours a week, put my work above everything else in my life, and not expect to enjoy what I do.” And even with this amount of effort, you may still be struggling as the circumstances of your world take you over. Yet, as you live your life this way, you begin to wonder if there isn’t another way to live. There is! Even though you are giving life your all, there seems to be something missing. There is! Even though your family is comfortable and want for little, none of you seem really happy. There must be some way to have it all. There is! And simple changes that allow you to live a life that balances the work you do and the life you live is the answer! Wait, I can hear your sigh from here! No doubt you’ve heard this all before, and if that is the case, why haven’t you made the changes necessary to create the life you say you want to have? Yes, creating balance for your life is easier said than done, but it isn’t as hard as you have it made out to be. No, I don’t have a magic pill. Only you can take the actions required to balance your work and life. Only you have a say in how your life turns out! So, what do you say?

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If you are ready to take your work-work-work and “life is hard” habits on and create real change in your life, keep reading: Keep an open mind Commit to taking action around what you learn in this chapter Be unstoppable This is your opportunity to design your life, your business and your future the way you say you want it to be, and if you are reading this book, you are ready to make a change. So, let’s get started! Take back your life! Time feels like it is speeding past you, your to-do list is actually increasing instead of decreasing, and you have a meeting with a prospective new client at the end of the day, for which you have not even begun to prepare. Oh, and to top it off, your daughter has a soccer game tonight, it’s your mom’s birthday, and you are scheduled on a 7:00 AM flight out-of-town for a meeting tomorrow morning. You are playing big in the game of life and are never at a loss for something to do. As a matter of fact, you have so much to do that if you aren’t careful, YOU just might get eaten away, one bite at a time—your health and happiness will erode away. So, what are you to do? Do you just ignore your mother’s birthday? BIG MISTAKE. Miss your daughter’s soccer game? Not if you can help it. Should you blow off the prospective client? Definitely not! The power to manage your everyday stresses and actually have more fun, while your business increases and your family time is strengthened, is within you. This is all about how you take care of YOU and being continuously aware of what you ultimately want, including greater health, happiness and productivity. Tips for taking back your time… your mental energy… your life:

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Have a Plan. How often does your mind go in thirty different directions all at once? When this happens, nothing really gets done completely and you are left more stressed then ever! The key to overcoming this overwhelm and staying focused on your tasks is to have a plan of action for each and every day! Make a list of what you have to get done and by-when. Of the items on the list, which ones do you really want to do? Which tasks do you not want to do, and of these items in the “I don’t want to do” column, which ones can be delegated to a team member? And for those tasks that you have to do yourself, but don’t necessarily want to, you have a choice to procrastinate and prolong the “not wanting to” or not! My suggestion: Get the hard stuff out of the way first so you can get back to the business of having a life. Stop and Clear Your Mind. If you are still feeling stressed even with a plan to complete the things on your plate, take a brief five to ten minutes to stop and clear your mind-chatter! The problem here isn’t that you don’t have direction, the problem now is that your mind is still present to stress. Stress is really a symptom of nagging mind- chatter. It is difficult to relax and enjoy life when your mind is constantly playing your task list over and over, rerunning upsets and unpleasant conversations, or dumping garbage into your mind- chatter. Get rid of the mind-chatter and get in-tune to what is real. Great ways to clear your mind-chatter include: journal writing, exercise, prayer, meditation, and speaking out loud the thoughts in your head, all with the intention of getting rid of them! Stop Being a Loner. Since when did we as humans decide that we don’t need help from anyone else or that asking for help is a sign of weakness? From the beginning of documented time, it is easy to see that people relied on one another for even the most basic of needs, and while we now have access to all sorts of technology to serve many needs, it does not replace being a part of a team! Think about it: If you could get to where you are going by yourself, you would be there already! So, if there is something you want and you don’t have it... Ask for it. When help is offered to you, accept it, and always acknowledge those who contribute to you! Give Yourself Credit. One huge pitfall of overwhelm is being so focused on what you don’t have that what you do have escapes your

158 Insights into Self-Empowerment radar. In other words, you don’t acknowledge what you have created, the results you have achieved and the successes you have managed. Give yourself credit! Instead of beating yourself up at the end of a month or year for what you did not achieve, make a list of what you did achieve; this is much like looking at the glass half-full instead of half-empty. Take Time for YOU! This is a tough one! You have been programed to believe that if you have time for you, something is wrong, you aren’t working hard enough. This is the default way of being for most people. However, you are not most people. You have a drive others don’t have; if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this book. So, if you drop YOU out of your life, how can you expect to have anything left to give to your company, team, loved ones, community, or to have fun doing it? Make taking care of you a priority and the sense of overwhelm that you feel will begin to fade. Shake it off and Step Up! Countless studies have shown the physical and mental benefits of exercise. If you have gym-o-phobia, that’s okay. You could exercise by playing outside with your kids, mowing the lawn, or going on a walk with your spouse. The key here is to get your body moving, take many deep breaths, and release whatever tension you’ve developed during the day. Doing this will not only make you feel better but can sometimes serve as “duh” moments, where whatever problem you’ve been wrestling with is suddenly illuminated in a light-bulb moment. Being overwhelmed and stressed is about you making a choice to be stressed and overwhelmed or not. It's that simple! And while the issues overwhelming you and your time aren’t always easy to deal with, there are small changes you can make to alleviate those pressures and move through them triumphantly, allowing you to create a happier, healthier, more productive you. If you Plan it, you can have it! I touched on planning in the previous section, but the need for you to have a written plan cannot be over emphasized! One of the greatest mistakes anyone ever makes when moving forward in creating a happier, healthier, productive life is not putting their goals and plan for reaching those goals into writing. Instead, people tend

159 The Change7 to put the cart before the proverbial horse. They get so excited by the prospect of having more time for their families, health, and more success at work that they move at a frenzied pace in several different directions, all at once, in an attempt to create and implement a plan that lives in their head. But instead what they create is complete and utter chaos. Eventually, they become so mentally and physically overwhelmed, that they forget why they even started the activity to begin with, and they give up. Does this sound familiar? If you want to create a happier, healthier, more productive life and change your relationships for the better, you must have a written plan for doing so. Have a succinct written plan of action that specifies what you want, dates by-when you are committed to achieving it, and the specific actions you are committed to take by-when, in order to reach those goals. Think about it: • What do you really want? • What is missing in your life... fun, a connection with your family, or physical, mental, or financial well- being? • What are you committed to? • Where do you want to be in your life (including your work) by this time next year?

Now, write a plan for achieving what you want, and as you do, here's what you need to know about writing your plan: First, it doesn't matter what you want to achieve. Vibrant health, business success, a fun and fulfilling personal or spiritual life, more time with your family, or financial well-being. Whatever you want to achieve, you need to have a written plan that spells the specific actions you, and your team, are going to take, by-when, in order to get to where you say you want to go. Second, when you write your plan, you will begin to see what's missing, and what you don't know about where you are going. The process of writing your plan will help you discover the answers to

160 Insights into Self-Empowerment those questions. Don't get stopped by what you don't know. Find the answers and keep moving forward. Third, your written plan is your road map to getting what you say you want. Use it! Don't write your plan and allow it to collect dust in the corner of your desk. Without a written plan that you follow, your actions will be random and subject to derailment at the smallest distraction. Finally, you, your family and your business team need to know what the plan is—what you are committed to achieving and by-when. For any plan to be successful it must be fully communicated to every person involved in the plan’s implementation, and the most efficient and effective means of doing so is to write the plan down! As the story goes, God didn’t just tell Moses about the Ten Commandments...He wrote them in stone! Research has shown that simply creating a plan in your mind is not enough— to create what you picture in your mind, you must write it in your plan. Written goals produce results. If you see yourself, your family and your business as being healthy, happy, and successful and if you write it in a plan that keeps you focused, then you will become healthy, happy and successful! If you imagine yourself as failing, and have no written plan for anything else, you will fail. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail! Saying you want something is not enough. You have to truly desire to achieve what you say you want. Focus, write the plan, and then live the plan you write. You have to really want what you want and willingly be held accountable for getting it… even if the inevitable or unexpected changes of life come your way! Managing Change in light of a happier, healthier, more productive you As you strive to live a life that is happier, healthier, and more productive, one thing to remember is this: No matter how planned out your future may be, change is always right around the corner. Change is everywhere, and we don’t even have to be the instigators of change to have change affect our lives! For example: Environmental changes. Political changes. Even the very act of

161 The Change7 aging creates change; our children grow, our parent’s age, and we begin to notice change in ourselves too. Yet, Part of the personal changes you make in terms of your health and well-being will keep you mentally and physically able to manage the changes that life has in store. A natural reaction to change is to retreat. But if you want to have the life you say you want to have – happiness, greater health and well- being, more productivity, and let’s throw in more fun too, you’ve got to be in action… not reaction… to the change around you! You can’t live life hiding under your covers. You’ve got to be out in the world dancing with what the world throws at you! How do you do that? Stay present to the fact that you are the only person who has a say in how your life turns out. You have a choice in life. You can choose to complain about what life throws at you or create a life you love with what the world hands you. What do you choose? The power of choice is yours! Be a master of change; choose to be in action instead of reaction. In the face of change, make a commitment to be outrageous and unstoppable, and remember, the only thing in the world that you can control is who YOU choose to be in the face of change. Be aware of how others react to change. When you are moving forward despite change and others are stopped cold, you must have patience and understanding; lead by example. Leadership is needed most when it is missing. So, step up and show others how to get into action and conquer their own fears and worries around change instead of being stopped by them! Don’t underestimate the emotional component of change; be present to the feelings that change brings out in you and those around you. Allow those around you to open up and communicate what they are feeling, and you do the same. Deal with your feelings; don’t bury them! When buried feelings take you over, they dilute what you are committed to by occupying space in your brain that should be used for creating opportunity out of the change around you. Don’t let this happen! Instead, get clear and present to what’s real and get rid of what isn’t. Don’t be stopped by your brain’s reaction to the change

162 Insights into Self-Empowerment around you. In the face of change, CHOOSE to be bigger than what your brain throws at you, and embrace change for the opportunity it is! Give up “I know.” Change can be challenging because it usually involves doing things in a way you haven’t done them before. In other words, you don’t know what is ahead, and to move forward, you have to give up “knowing” and instead, renew your commitment to what you say you want. Embrace what you don’t know, learn, and grow. Utilize your written plan! When change comes around, don’t throw your plan out the window. Instead adjust your plan (in writing) where necessary and keep marching forward! Your written plan will keep you on track even in the midst of the chaos that unexpected change often brings. Communicate with those around you. When you are inside of change in your own life, it is not only difficult for you but for everyone around you! Don’t isolate yourself. Communicate what is happening and allow your team to help you where they can! If what you want to accomplish could be done by yourself, you would have already accomplished it. View change as an opportunity! Yes, change can be challenging, but as they say, “When one door closes, another one opens!” There is opportunity for learning and growing inside of every situation you are faced with, but you have to look for those opportunities and be open to receiving them. Even the slightest changes can open up a huge space for something new to occur… something better. Think about the change you encounter in this way: You are looking through a kaleidoscope. You first see a set pattern, but with the tiniest twist to the right or left, the entire picture changes and results in a new, surprising design. Change is the only constant you can truly rely on. You have to manage it in order to take the opportunity of change and keep your commitment to living a happier, healthier, more productive life!

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Each moment in your life, every move you make, creates change, and change is something you should look forward to. After all, it is change that shows you what you don’t know, and it is at that point where learning truly begins! So, in the face of whatever change life brings your way, create your own opportunities for fun, family, and financial freedom and watch your world bloom with happiness, laughter, success, love, joy, friendship, and security—watch your life become happier, healthier, and more productive *** To Contact Clay: Ph: 1.406.587.7482 www.claynelsonlifebalance.com www.Facebook.com/claynelsonlifebalance www.linkedin.com/in/claysnelson Follow Clay on Twitter @claysnelson.

164 Pascale Hennessey

Pascale Hennessey is a life coach and trainer known as The Rainmaker, because she precipitates growth and success for all who work with her. Since 2005 Pascale has been involved in the personal, lifestyle and education development fields, and has travelled the world educating herself, researching her craft and teaching hundreds of people from varying cultures and lifestyles, using her unique training style. She’s energetic, inspiring and highly motivational, as she coaches people to become the empowered transformers they inherently are. Pascale works with individuals and couples, both virtually and in person, and facilitates seminars and workshops on varying topics, especially those focused on connecting the head space and heart space. She teaches from a place of vulnerability and authenticity through sharing her personal experiences, and communicates with ruthless compassion for others on their journey. Pascale’s own remarkable story, about moving from struggle and pain to attraction and manifestation, shows that with the right tools and the right support, anything is possible. Pascale is also a published author and writes on practical steps to manage the mind, taking your dreams from inside your heart and out onto your life, and having fun while overcoming fear.

165 Realign and All Will Come Right

By Pascale Hennessey

I remember working a corporate job in London, United Kingdom. Getting that job made me feel like I had finally made it. I’d reached the top of my game, I earned a great income, lived it up large in the big city, was masterful at my work and according to my peers, my position within the government was a prestigious one. The only problem was that as the years went on and I settled into my role, I began to feel less energized by life, less inspired and less motivated. I’d slipped into the humdrum rhythm of the office drone, where each day I felt like a monkey flipping paper burgers, file after file, screen click after screen click. I filled my time with extra-curricular activities and social engagements, just to keep the belief alive that what I was living was indeed the good life. Year by year I became outwardly more vibrant, and inwardly more grey. When my health failed, and my body could no longer carry me through the stress and negative forces that surrounded my rat-race of a routine, I began to search for answers as to why my opportunity for material wealth and social success, had turned into a leech, draining me of all my mental and emotional energy, to the point of physical illness. I looked long and hard at my life, at the choices that had led me to this point, and discovered that, whilst the journey had been fun for a while, I felt useless at the core. Useless in my work and useless in my contribution to the expansion and advancement of civilization - sounds like a big deal, and it is - but I knew I was to be an active part of that process, much like any other progressive individual on this planet.

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In learning that I wanted to feel purposeful in all that I do, I also found that I desired greatly to be free to choose my path and not be reprimanded for seeking change. I also wanted to taste adventure, excitement and life out there on the edge, the leading edge of what’s possible for me. I wanted to accelerate reaching my goals without losing the beauty that is the present moment, without wishing away the now in order to simply reach the summit of whatever would be my current mountain. I broke away from office life and over many years on many different continents, I found that what mattered most in all of my experiences and life lessons, was not the job title I held, or the number of countries in which I’d resided, but rather it came down to one simple concept: how I felt about myself and my place in the world. Having done a lot of work on myself to already reach this level of self- awareness and acceptance, I’d discovered that, like anyone, it is the deepest parts of my being that truly demonstrate my value, not the things that I do. The rich tapestry that is my life, is only so because of all of those choices, all of those versions of me, all of those characteristics and attributes drawn up from both painful and joyful experiences. When I came to learn how to operate at a high level of energy, focus and frequency - by frequency I mean my mental, emotional and energetic state - I found that all that I wanted or dreamed about was readily available to me when in that space. Although I had gone from being a single woman in financial strife, who never felt good enough, suffering in silence until I could no longer contain it, to someone I was proud to be, living my truth with authenticity and grace (and having a lot of fun along the way!), I eventually reached a plateau. I had worked hard to create a newer version of myself that would soon welcome in the abundance of health, wealth, love and happiness that I had always dreamed of. And it truly did. I had a successful business, a growing team spanning the globe, my delectable husband by my side, our beautiful home by the ocean, beautiful friends, amazing holidays, money in the bank and our investments doing their good thing. All my self-concept work, completed before I could live the life I now have, was the lodestone

167 The Change7 to attract it all in. I did not know the entrepreneur, the leader, the coach or the writer I now am, until I dreamt her up. I had not met my husband and I had never dreamed of becoming as free as my soul knew I was destined to be, until I worked on releasing my emotional blocks. After I realized those dreams and ticked it all off my list, I thought that was it - I would now be happy all the time and I’d have no trouble creating more joy, more love and more abundance in my life. Then one day I woke up and just felt like staying in bed. I went about my daily activities with a haze of lethargy about me. I felt uninspired. My body actually showed signs of exhaustion, which I couldn't understand as I’d released so much busy from my daily routine. This turned into slight pangs of purposelessness and before I knew it I was in a funk - directionless, and left wondering if my goals were my goals anymore; if my why was big enough, or if it was still in alignment with my values. What had changed? Where did my zest go? Did I get a wire crossed somewhere? Had I missed something? In a heightened place of attainment and joy, you’ve got it made, you’ve learnt it all, you’re at the top of your game and cannot be pushed off, when wham! your little voice kicks in because it’s learnt your new language. The voice that’s both your most ardent supporter and your most insidious, tricksy little liar, can be so challenging to trust. When spiraling downward, even if imperceptibly, the little voice that’s seemingly there to back you, is actually a silent saboteur, taking you down a path of self-doubt. Whether or not that new mode of operation is still higher than your lowest-frequency and most base self, any mode that has you feeling the slightest bit off your game, can still be an uninspiring place to be when you’ve tasted life out on the edge. Perhaps being at the top of one mountain doesn't mean we stop working on our climb. Perhaps shadow work is just as important as light work. Perhaps the darkness of human thought and emotion, can be used to shed light upon its lightness too, and create real lasting change. So, what did I do? I knew I needed to re-examine my life and revisit the habits I’d established to get to this place. I found that there are five easy steps you can use to get started on creating change in any

168 Insights into Self-Empowerment given area of life, or if you notice that your self-concept (esteem, image, belief system and values) needs a tune up. Let us use these steps as a guide to re-balancing and re-energizing your self-concept: Identify the culprit. Where or when do you feel dissatisfied? Where in your life does your energy wane or your imagination not even kick in? Where are your results uninspiring? For some this might be in your occupation or in your relationships. For others it might not be so obvious, but when you’ve identified these areas, then you can more easily get onto realignment. Remember when you were a child and you wanted to be an artist, or a police officer, or a nurse, or a pilot? Remember when you wanted to save the world? Remember how you imagined and dreamed daily? The faculty of imagination has always been your best method of finding inspiration, because it is your dream factory. You can imagine yourself in a life you don’t yet live physically, such as living with great health and vitality, as a successful leader of your own company or group, as a person of great wealth and freedom, as a mother or father of a vibrant young family, and so on, and your brain will be none the wiser. Children know how to do it, but somehow adults lose the ability or the belief in dreaming, because they are too focused on their present reality. When you find dissatisfaction in life, or notice that you no longer feel inspired to work in that job you once loved, or to live in the body you now occupy, it’s important to examine those areas of life more deeply because, the experiences within them will help shape your beliefs and ultimately your results. To continuously reinforce that which you do not love to see in your life, is not something that serves your desire to be happy and fulfilled, so first, bring it to light. Check in with your why. Why is it that you want to experience travel, or love, or a change in scenery, or a new job, or a silent retreat in India, or starting your own business? What motivates you towards that particular dream? What drives you? Your why is not the result you are wanting to see, for example, success, money or a large profit margin, no. Your why

169 The Change7 is your purpose and your highest motivator; it is a mirror of the beliefs you hold about yourself. I’ve found that the most important part of developing a life of great fulfilment, is to first know why you do the things that you do, and why you believe the things you believe. I must clarify here that to understand your why, is to understand the thing that makes your heart sing, the thing for which you would give everything up or the thing that pushes you to feel the thrill of a life full of adventure. Do not be in pursuit of results, be in pursuit of your dreams and beliefs. If you are unsure as to what your why is, you can look at your results for clues, because how you are living out your life is proof of what you believe, of what you hold dear and what motivates you the most. There’s no depth in striving for something that leaves you feeling unfulfilled, and to understand your why you need to explore all that makes you inspired, filled with passion or joy. It is also important to acknowledge that your values change over time, and to reevaluate your why periodically will keep your self-concept well-tuned. Go deep. Who are you and what it is you want? Not just what you want to have (i.e. the material or physical desires) but also what and who you want to be. You only have what you have because you’ve been doing the things you’ve been doing, based upon the person you are being. Whoever you are being is what truly changes your direction, because it commands your thought processes, your emotions, your actions and your outcomes. Who you are being is really the manifestation of what you value most and what beliefs you hold about yourself, first and foremost. For example, if I consider myself an optimist, I will tend to look for an opportunity in any given challenge or problem. Who I am being in this instance might be someone who places value on growth and progress. If I consider myself a skeptic, I will err on the side of caution because I am narrow-minded. Who I am being in this instance might be someone who places value upon being right, or perhaps upon self- preservation and safety. Who’s to say what is the right or wrong way of being? Only you, but changing who you are being takes time, because it necessitates

170 Insights into Self-Empowerment a deep look into your belief systems and core values, both at the conscious and sub-conscious levels. If you have not gone that deep before, I invite you to do so, as it is one of the most precious journeys you can ever go on in life. If you have, then you will know that tweaking and refining is part of the continual process of realigning your self-concept along the way, as new challenges and new joys are experienced. Take ownership and be accountable. I’m about to describe one of the most precious treasures of my life. One of the most important practices I hold is sharing openly with an accountability partner or group. I highly recommend finding or creating for yourself a mastermind group, or selecting a buddy, who will allow you to be who you are without judgement and who will forever help you move forward, especially when you are wanting to change direction. After some months of my personal development journey, I forged a bond with three women who have made, and continue to make, my experience on this earth more enriched, more fruitful, more expansive and more impassioned every day. Our friendship is unique because we four act as true mirrors to one another, opening ourselves up, raw, vulnerable, authentic; and despite living in separate countries, we connect on an almost daily basis. I know to the depths of my being that it is these women, my sisterhood, who are a huge part of why I am so successful. They are my blood, my spirit, my heart and my universal energy. They are me and I am them. They show me my innermost strengths and encourage me to step into my power as a woman, wholly and with grace. They help me to unearth my greatest fears and vulnerabilities and shine a loving and compassionate spotlight upon them, assisting me in my personal growth and development unlike any teacher I have ever experienced or could imagine. They allow me to be who I am, without apology or constraint, and they invite and hold space for me to be the highest and best version of myself, all the time. The space we hold for one another is what we’ve named a “yes” space. It is one within which there are no boundaries, no taboos, no limits and nothing is forced. When one of us is suffering, the others act as the strongest of supporters and brightest of guiding lights.

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When there is reason to celebrate we are all there, all anchoring into our hearts and minds the successes of a life lived in fullness. We eliminate the use of words such as “should”, “try”, “can’t” or “have to”, instead we use supporting language that creates choices, abundance and a heightened level of energy. There is never an occasion where one of us is excluded from being part of someone else’s journey or experience, as all of us have something to learn and something to offer, when it comes to sharing a personal insight. There is never an occasion where a fear, or annoyance, or concern is left unobserved or unspoken, especially if it is with regards to something reflected in one of us. Instead, we choose to commit ourselves to positive confrontation in the form of what we call “ruthless compassion”, which is sharing a detached, un- sensationalized point of view, straight from the heart, using words chosen with love, care and wisdom. We also all accept that nothing that is shared from the mouth of another, is anything other than this, and so no counsel is ever received as a personal judgement of any kind. This allows each of us to express ourselves truthfully, with integrity, and with an honest intention to improve one another; to allow each of us to fully step into the next level of ourselves. Progression is key; we do not vacillate in sharing our respective truths and none of us is ever left behind in the learning experience. In the time that I have been part of this group my life has advanced at an unprecedented rate, in all aspects. Most importantly, the relationship I have formed with myself has become more wholesome, more detailed, more expansive and more loving. I have learnt to become my own best friend and to honor and appreciate, love and accept myself as a whole being, not as someone broken, undervalued, invisible or unworthy. I have stepped into my power as a person in touch with her feminine and masculine sides, and I’ve well and truly attuned myself to the finer song of my heart-space, which guides me aright. This method of accountability may not be for everyone, however, if you can create something that allows you to be open, frank and authentically you, then that’s the right place to be. Men and women alike need support from truthful confidants, in order to feel safe to ask questions and share feelings. Find your tribe and you’ll be onto

172 Insights into Self-Empowerment a very rewarding path, where realignment of your self-concept is a daily practice. Acknowledge your feelings. When in a familiar rhythm and routine, it’s not always easy to notice if things are going awry, or that your life is heading in a direction you don’t want it to go, until you reach the place of pain, distress, dissatisfaction, or simply a state of apathy or boredom. If you’ve followed the steps above before reaching an extreme state of pain or panic in life, then a one percent change in trajectory will have dramatic effect down the line. Slight changes today can take you out of a rut tomorrow, if not immediately. However, if you have reached that painful place where there are ruptures or cataclysmic disasters in your relationships, work life, health or other areas of life, then more care and detail are required to find out which beliefs or blueprints are truly sabotaging your efforts. Oftentimes, people will wait until a major event or milestone, such as a job loss or a marriage break up, before implementing change in their daily habits. I invite you to reflect, consult with others and take action on a continuous basis, in order to become a master of your thoughts, feelings and outcomes, no matter where you are in life. My waking up in a funk was temporary, but only because I re- established a connection to that which is important to me. I created new visions and dreams for myself and my family, my career and my contributions. I opened up new emotional pathways and took time to recalibrate my energies, reassess my why and establish new boundaries for myself. If I had not, a few days or weeks of lethargy, may have turned into months or years of disappointment and pain. Your first step may be to talk to a friend, or take on a coach, just to gain some clarity on whether or not you have adjustments to make. Or it may be to reflect on each area of your life - spiritually, financially, health, family, occupation and so on - and see if you are operating at a level that inspires you. Either way, I recommend checking in on yourself frequently to ensure you are on track. This time right here and now is yours, so ask yourself, “Am I truly happy?”

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Aim in each present moment to create a life you love, where you feel valued and free to be, do or have anything you choose. Habitually manage your self-talk and find ways to feel true joy often. Own yourself, your mind and your power, and take responsibility for your life. Only then will you find that no matter what life throws at you, you have the strength, power and ability to make it all come right. *** Pascale Hennessey can be found at http://PascaleTheRainmaker.com. Head over to her website for inspiration and a complimentary discovery encounter to help you along your journey to prosperity. For all readers of The Change, Pascale has chosen some special gifts and offers. Go to http://pascaletherainmaker.com/hidden- gifts.html to claim yours today.

174 Melody Taylor-Fliege

Passionate about empowering people to develop and stretch themselves into their true greatness, by helping them find their genuine and whole selves, Melody helps people find answers, take action and produce exactly what they want in a profound and powerful way. She is an international, Certified Professional Co- Active Life Coach, and member of the International Coaches Federation, coaching from Loveland, Colorado to Berlin, Germany and beyond. She specializes in values-based decision-making, identity conflict, cross-cultural coaching, stress-management and self-empowerment in the areas of leadership, business, career and relationships. Melody’s life experiences bring forth her natural ability to help people reconnect with their authentic selves through coaching. Her life and travels to well over 30 countries have gifted her with a deep sense of tolerance, open-mindedness, and cultural insight. Coming from modest roots in the inter-mountain rural areas of Idaho and Colorado, USA, moving later to Berlin, Germany, and living in New York and Southern Italy, Melody embodies change. She grew up as No. 12 of 15 siblings. She has embraced life with a unique blend of curiosity, entrepreneurial passion, military service, even managed an international patchwork family with 6 daughters from both sides of the Atlantic and behind the Iron Curtain; now relishing 8 grandchildren.

175 Uniting Nations by Embracing Change

through “Shadow-Diving”

By Melody Taylor-Fliege

Why is change so important? Have you ever questioned the way in which you are mastering or not mastering life? Have you ever asked yourself if a different approach or mindset could give you more satisfaction in your life, be it in your career, business, or various relationships? Have you ever wished to change something in your life, but didn’t know how? It can often seem like “life” is keeping you stuck—your boss is an ogre, your spouse is cold or distant, you want to change to a more fulfilling career, but it’s just too hard… Well, the good news is that the most significant part of your life to change is not your circumstances. It is you, it all starts with you! Don’t be fooled (or fool yourself) into believing that is it everything around you—your job, your family, your friends—that has to change. It is typically you who has to change and, unlike your circumstances, this is a process you can control. Change does not come about as a result of a mysterious miracle solution but is the result of sustained effort and resilience. Low levels of action and high levels of persistence create flow into something new—the changes you desire. All humans have an innate ability to change themselves and their environment. We all can cause change. We have the means of

176 Insights into Self-Empowerment bringing to the surface opportunities for change in every choice we make. Daily life, when viewed as a self-chosen environment in which development is possible, can provide unlimited moments for practicing change and creating responsibly. So why do so many of us stop believing in ourselves, lose sight of who we truly are, become stuck, and develop such high levels of resistance to change? Life can try us to our very core. When we have challenging life experiences, these can initiate ideas and beliefs about ourselves that are infused with guilt, even shame. We can start to feel bad about ourselves. Many of us start to hide those parts away and focus on what we like about ourselves and feel confident about. Yet, when we push certain parts away—usually the parts that “fail,” the shameful parts, the lazy parts—we condemn them to the shadows. We can no longer learn from those parts of ourselves. We are no longer whole. These darker parts of us may indeed drive us in life to resist and run from making changes because in doing so our feelings of unworthiness can come up again and again. Creating change involves many uncomfortable moments of self-doubt and feeling undeserving. We can easily resist change because we might have to admit to ourselves that our habitual ways of doing things may have been or are “wrong.” Our level of comfort with the ambiguity of the change process, however, is the difference between resistance and surrendering to self-empowerment. Integrating my Shadow Experiences My journey into and back out of parts of my shadow side has provided me with a permanent change from victimization behavior and belief system into a life that feels more liberated, and has much more confidence and self-respect. My methods of approaching not only coaching but life, in general, are based on these experiences, where I discovered my patterns and ways to deal with them. My childhood experiences, which somehow had taught me that I could not achieve more than the man in the house, came forward with force in 2001. I was working as a sales representative for a

177 The Change7 coupon company. With the help of a coach, I realized that I had prevented myself from achieving higher sales so as not to outshine a male colleague on my team. This level of awareness allowed me to give up this self-induced handicap. In doing so, I not only surpassed him but also became the highest sales rep in the entire branch office. Shortly after that I left to start my own massage clinic, where I soon doubled my former income. I had discovered my inhibiting belief and finally chose change, seeing that those childhood lessons no longer served me. I had changed the world around me by stepping into my power as a successful businesswoman. A personal experience I had in the spring of 2011 painfully evoked a memory of the day I had shut down while pregnant with my second child in the fall of 1988. This had been a very dark time in which I was feeling complete abandonment and betrayal. It had been so very painful that I had unconsciously developed a victimization mindset from it. Now 23 years later, those overcharged feelings “accidentally” surfaced again. I say, "accidently" because I didn’t realize the emotional pattern until deep in the darkness of it. This time around granted me prime opportunity for change. I had more awareness and managed to catch the pattern. This time, I had the choice to stop the provoking event, but rather than stopping it, I chose instead to step into the shadows. I stepped into the darker place of what previously had been saturated with shame, guilt, and victimization. By doing this, I was able to search for proof that I was not truly a victim after all. My liberation came from my awareness that I clearly had a choice in 2011 and that my choice was not recognizable to me in 1988. Somehow I grasped the concept that this repeated state of emotions was my opportunity to face some of my demons. This time I stepped up despite my overwhelming fears that this would be the death of me emotionally. Another experience helped me to identify a different pattern. This time my awareness happened in a controlled learning environment. My first classroom experience of training to become a life coach in 2013 came with a lot of ambiguities. It was the beginning of breaking through my patterns of being the protector, the space holder, and asserting myself. In this setting, I learned that less was more. Practicing as a coach, I realized that when I asked a question

178 Insights into Self-Empowerment that truly resonated with clients (because it awakened a deep sense of curiosity within them) and combined this with deep listening, this ignited information to surface through the person for the person. I learned that true change requires recognizing AND accepting who you are, including both the light and the shadow sides of one’s personality. The initially clumsy method I used in 2011 to elicit change by liberating myself from my shadows birthed the guided coaching exercise below (in Section Two of this chapter). Experiencing how powerful coaching can be combined with insights from my personal shadow experiences led me to develop my core method, a method that I call “intentional shadow-diving.” Intentional shadow diving is a powerful process. We can heal, connect, accept and transform our shadow parts birthed in shame and guilt ultimately shortening and intensifying the change from who we thought we were into the more enlightened powerful people we truly are. As a coach, I encourage my clients to undertake intentional shadow- diving. Self-empowerment can happen when we make a conscious visit to our shadow sides. Shadow-diving is a way to turn your shadow parts inside-out, surrendering to self-empowerment. “Change is not merely necessary to life - it is life.” Alvin Toffler Courageously Stepping Into Change Change involves courageously facing what we dare not look at inside of ourselves. Something as seemingly small as making a phone call or sending an email can feel overwhelming and throw us into a great deal of anxiety and fear. If this is the case, it is usually linked to a bigger underlying attachment we haven’t been able to figure out. Many times this bigger attachment lies in what I call our shadow side, an area most of us tend to resist. Your shadow side is the hidden parts of you that contain all the ways you feel bad about yourself often associated with guilt and shame. The shadow can feel all-consuming, cause anxiety, and seem so concrete that most people will avoid it at all costs. They may not

179 The Change7 realize that they are, in essence, avoiding change. The shadow side appears much bigger than it is. Taking the courage to face and utterly accept what lies in your shadow side will transform your shadow parts into light associated with change. You will separate yourself from the energy drain of resistance and feel rejuvenated. Resisting and running from your darker parts causes havoc until you face them. That consumes a lot of energy. Working with your shadow will instead ignite an authentic transformation—a change that activates your inner wisdom. It might seem like a paradox, but when you work with your shadow side you will lighten your sense of self, and when you accept your imperfections this will strengthen you. Shadow Diving: A 5-Step Guided Coaching Exercise© The following guided coaching exercise takes you into the shadow side of what it is that you want to change and brings you out the other side in a way that envelops lasting change. In order to not get lost in the shadow and fall prey to anguish, self-doubt or unhealthy depression, this exercise helps you face what you want to change, truly accept it, let go of what’s no longer necessary and reconnect with love and gratitude for true authentic transformation creating sustainable change. Your shadow side in this exercise refers to some of the hidden parts of yourself that tend to be saturated with guilt and shame; those hidden parts of you that contain all the ways you feel bad about yourself. Directions: To do this exercise you will need a quiet space, something to write with, about 30 minutes or more, and a little courage. Write on a piece of paper or in a journal about your experiences of traveling deeper into and out of the shadow of where you want to see change. Courageously step into change by shining light on what it is that you want to change. You can do this actively involving your shadow as your witness, by doing it in a way that you see, with your eyes, your

180 Insights into Self-Empowerment shadow somehow in front of you. You can also do it in your mind’s eye by envisioning your shadow in front of you and imagine plenty of light from behind you so as to bring your shadow to life. You’re going to travel deep into what you want to change by thinking about the shadow side of it, the side that makes you feel bad. The steps in this exercise provide structure to the metamorphosis that happens through capturing the tiniest glimmer of light and pulling it through the darkness until it converts into a driving force that carries you beyond the ambiguity in the change process. Conjure up something you want to change. Perhaps it is a particular past mistake you once made but wish to avoid making again in the future. It could also be a habitual behavior you want to replace with a different one. It could be a habitual thought that no longer serves you, such as “I am too fat, too old, too ugly, too stupid…” First write a detailed description of a past mistake, habit(s) or thought(s) you want to change. Apply the following five steps to what you described. Step 1 Go into a state of quietude and be silent with your experience of what you described above. Sit or stand with your shadow in front of you while maintaining the stillness. Allow the weight of what you described above to rest in your heart. Surrender into any kind of heartbreak, humiliation, betrayal or deceit around it without trying to do or fix anything. What do you notice when you process your thoughts and feelings without trying to fix or do anything? Journal about what you notice. Step 2 Accept what is. Accept that these thoughts, habits or this mistake really did happen. Accept the way in which it or they happened. Perhaps verbalize it out loud to your shadow. Journal about what you notice as you truly look at the thought(s), habit(s), or mistake and own it.

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Step 3 Let go and say goodbye to all parts that you can—the mistake(s) you made, habits you have or thoughts that keep you small—you want to change. Include the emotions you have and the people from your memory. You can do this with your shadow, by moving in ways that feel or look like letting go and saying goodbye. If you can’t seem to let go of emotions or you can’t say goodbye to certain people in your life, then let go of tangible things. Clean out your file cabinet, your closets, or your storage as soon as possible. Any and all letting go and saying goodbye helps in the process. What shows up for you to let go and say goodbye? Journal about what shows up. Step 4 To surface back out of your shadow, focus on love. Again, you can do this actively involving your shadow or in your mind’s eye. Ground yourself into your heart by breathing deep into your heart center. Think about anything you love. Think about people you love, things you love, places you love, anything that you love. Within the darkest places of your shadow, even the smallest thing you love will be enough to help you once again focus on your light. What things come to your mind that you love? Journal about whom and what you love and the feelings that come up here. Step 5 Now connect with others to remind yourself that you are loved. Connect to the collective. You can do this part with or without your shadow present. Indicate to yourself in some way that someone outside of you loves you by connecting with people and actively living life. Gratitude is an additional way to come out of your shadow as it pulls you out of yourself and connects your mind to what is around you through the eyes of love. Use gratitude to send a letter, email, call or visit someone. In what ways can you use gratitude to connect to the collective? Journal about your realizations and what you’ve noticed.

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Lastly, after completing this journey into and out of your shadow, journal about it by answering the following questions. What do you notice that is different? What is the learning you can take away from this part of your shadow self? Is there anything else you want to journal? Reuniting with parts of yourself that somehow got lost in shadow and abandoned through shame opens your awareness to a more enlightened way of being. It creates wisdom from experience that once learned cannot be unlearned. This kind of change cannot be unchanged. It can only ripple more light into those darkened parts of the world around you. Today's world connection through the high-speed internet speeds up the ripple effect, crossing borders both man-made and imagined spreading light and love to all the nations on Earth. Uniting Nations by Embracing Change How can your personal change possibly unite nations? I have always connected to the quote by Mahatma Gandhi “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” If you want to change the world, change yourself. I firmly believe that, when enough of us unite ourselves to include our shadow parts, this ripples out across communities, cities, regions, and ultimately nations. We unite nations and so therefore the world by embracing inner change one person at a time. How can one person’s life experiences lead to the transformation of their family, friends, workplace, town, and even a nation? I have talked about the importance of embracing your shadow and what a profound effect this can have; effects that send ripples out into the world. Stepping into and trying on unfamiliar cultures is a excellent way of finding out who you are and who you are not. We become aware of how the way we live is a choice, choices influenced—but not determined—by culture. Over time, I have had a lot of identities, roles, and labels, beginning as an American, a small-town girl from Intermountain Idaho. I was later a mother, an inventor, a soldier/firefighter, a massage therapist,

183 The Change7 and a businesswoman. As I have traveled and lived in different parts of the world I have seen, for example, Third-World poverty, tribal conditioning, and contradictory ideas and beliefs about drugs, alcohol and religion in different countries. None of these experiences locked me into any of these identities. On the contrary, such varied experiences with a variety of cultures has helped me to identify that there are so many possible ways of life and many values to treasure in life. Some ways of life I wanted to try on and others I did not, but I am grateful to be aware of the magnitude of role models my international lifestyle has given me, all models that I could choose as tools for change. This array of knowledge can be applied perfectly to my life today as an international coach. It also gives me the opportunity to be a role model for others. I share my cultural knowledge with others I meet. I utilize previous life experiences to influence people from many backgrounds, with whom (through the cultural, role model exchange) I inevitably become attached. Trying on facets of different cultures—if only for a while—is an extremely and highly efficient training for strengthening the skill of making powerful and positive changes in life. When I talk about “trying on another culture,” I do not mean only culture in the sense of nationality, language, or national habits. “Trying on a different culture” can also mean changing from a rural to a city identity, switching from a sedentary to an active lifestyle, switching from driving everywhere to using public transportation or a bicycle, changing your diet and countless other changes. A world of people with the readiness and willingness to change is the basis for an increasingly united and integrated world. I think U.S. President Barack Obama put it best when he said, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” It is through life coaching that we can most powerfully bring about the change. We can start by choosing to embrace change from the inside out, by bringing our shadow to light. ***

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To Connect with Melody: Melody Taylor-Fliege, ACC, CPCC Associate Certified Coach, ICF Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, CTI http://life-coaching-with-melody.com/ [email protected] https://www.facebook.com/LifeCoachingWithMelody https://www.linkedin.com/in/lifecoachingwithmelody https://twitter.com/LifeCoachMelody +1-970-612-8458 Skype ID: melodytayfli

185 186 Wendy C Li

Wendy C Li is a full-time nationally recognized author (The Day I Said “I Do” and It’s A Life Thing Book Series) and motivational speaker. She has combined her educational background with her inconceivable life experiences allowing her to come from an authentic and genuine place. Because of this, she is able to connect with a vast crowd that usually goes untouched. She influences the lives of millions through her keynote speeches, books, guest blogger, charity work, website, blog, and public appearances she hopes to inspire others. The areas that Wendy caters to are the following: Life after Your Child's Special Needs Diagnosis, Attitude, Action and Association, Adult Survivor of Molest, Cross-Cultural Issues, Woman Entrepreneurship, Raising Special Needs Children, Listening Skills, Adopting Children Abroad, Emotional Intelligence, Living with Chronic Pain, Mind Mastery, At-Risk Teens, and Learning Disabilities.

187 Chronic Pain ~ It’s All in Your Head

By Wendy C Li

Throughout my life I have chosen to keep a sense of humor and positive outlook as I go through life’s experiences. If you were to walk by me on the street one would never guess that I suffer from chronic pain because I choose to be happy with what I have. But this does not give others the right to judge me. I have been called out in public many times when people see me parking in a handicap space, I have had rude notes left on my car; people have even come up to me to ask if that is really my placard. My usual snarky response is, “only if you could see me naked you would understand”! Then I think to myself, you are an idiot and if you only knew the truth you would feel like a dumbass! Just because I am not in a wheelchair, missing a limb nor have some physical deformity that people can see does not mean I suffer any less. Suffering from chronic pain is an emotional roller coaster and hard to navigate. The common denominator that link all of us together is the flurry of emotions we experience which include isolation, depression, nausea, insomnia, anxiety, anger, denial, shock, grief, helplessness, confusion, despair, and fear. One size does not fit all as you come to terms with your new reality but at some point everyone experiences a grieving process as you come to terms with the loss of your health and/or lifestyle you once enjoyed. Pain can suck the life out of you if you let it. My journey through chronic pain started when I was a young girl. When I was a baby a doctor mentioned to my mom that I was not going to be a healthy person but did not specify exactly what that

188 Insights into Self-Empowerment meant. His sixth sense failed to warn her that I was going to be very clumsy as well! When I was four years old, that was back in the day when seatbelts were optional and car seats were used as a booster seat more than anything else. While driving down the highway in our single bench pickup truck my mom approached a curve so I reached out to hold on but didn’t realize I was holding onto the handle. My door flung open and out I flew rolling down the highway. My mom says she was watching in her rearview mirror as cars zoomed by barely missing me. My road rash landed me in the hospital with a concussion, broken arm and I bit through my tongue causing me to bleed everywhere. The rest of my childhood was pretty uneventful at least to my standards. A few broken arms compliments of my horse, I cut the bottom of my foot off while attempting to ride my bike shoeless and I can’t leave out the most lame of them all. My sister and I were chasing a boy in his fortress that he created in the hills of Grass Valley. I knew that he covered holes and other traps so I was paying very close attention to where he was jumping. It was minutes later that I realized my right hand had been seriously mangled in a barbed wire fence and I had to go for help because I was losing so much blood! I still have the scars on my hand to this day, thank you Adam! Those were kid injuries compared to what I was about to face I as entered my early twenties. Years went by with no further complications from falling out of our truck but the combination of wear and tear and a minor car accident my life changed forever. The doctors tried every non evasive therapy available, physical therapy, mouth guards, MRI’s, braces but nothing was working. Once I was on the operating table they were able to see how extensive the damage was. They did what they could, shaved a few bone spurs down, removed some scar tissue and smoothed out the area that kept locking my jaw open. By my third jaw surgery they suggested putting an artificial joint in my left Temporomandibular Joint (TMJ); the doctor explained I had no meniscus (or cushion) on my left side. I was in pain and wanted the surgery done sooner than later and unfortunately there was nothing FDA approved at that time for a TMJ replacement.

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The doctors agreed to go in once again to try to offer some relief. My right TMJ had the usual scrapping, filing and removal of scar tissue. However my left side offered them a challenge, nothing could be done arthroscopically so I was cut open; a four inch incision was made in front of my ear. It took the doctors several hours as they attempted to recover tiny pieces of my shredded meniscus and suture them in place to give me some kind of padding. This procedure seemed semi successful but left me with Neuropathy on the left side of my face and head. The specialists reassured me there was nothing more they could do for me so I was forced to come to terms with the fact that I would never be a professional bubble gum chewer, laugh for extended periods of time and could no longer work in the medical profession. Shortly after marring my husband in 1991, how should I put this…? Our sex life sucked! I sought the advice of a trusted doctor who later diagnosed me with Endometriosis, a disease that attacks women’s reproductive organs. I underwent four laparoscopic surgeries, went on Lupron injections that put my body into a chemical menopause and was willing to do whatever I could to ensure the possibility of having my 2.5 children one day. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I should add this was with husband number two! But my second attempt was successful; I was able to give birth to a healthy fat 9lb baby boy March 12, 1999. However when Alex was two years old I began to hemorrhage and was forced to have an emergency Hysterectomy, no more babies for me. There were complications that resulted in having a total of 24 surgeries by the time I was done. Needless to say I suffer from chronic pain resulting from scar tissue and adhesions that are spread throughout my lower abdomen and are attached to some of my organs. I need to confess that two of those surgeries were cosmetic. My stomach looked like I was the victim of a horrific knife stabbing and if I wouldn't look at myself, how could I expect anyone else to. So yes I succumbed to my own peer pressure and had a tummy tuck. But by now it should not surprise you that nothing is ever easy in my life and I suffered complications from that as well. My stomach started opening up and the gaping hole oozed green smelly stuff! When the plastic surgeon put me under to close my hole he also found a growing cyst under

190 Insights into Self-Empowerment my tummy tuck filled with 1,000cc’s of fluid. I felt well enough to be in our annual parade in Santa Barbara two days later, yeah me! But my battle wasn’t over yet, my body had been through war and they returned to me a broken down pain ridden corpse. I wasn’t sure what to do but I started with my jaw pain, I figured eating took priority over my pelvic pain. I began treatment at UCLA where I fell victim to the students “practicing” medicine. The students took turns when I came in for my monthly injections of steroids and Demerol that was injected into my TMJ on both sides of my face. The pleasantries started with a three inch needle that had to hit the exact area in my jaw. But being that they were students they usually missed hitting my bone or nicking a nerve which resulted in my eyes having to be taped shut for four hours. My favorite was the student that buckled under pressure, he got the needle in but his hands began shaking so violently that someone else had to take over! It took me about eight months to grow tired of being victimized so the next treatment was pills; lots of pills. I was taking 12 Oxycodone and 10 extra strength Vicodin every day. This regime was not easy to keep up, I was a single mother, college student, provider and still in pain. I became depressed for days at a time wondering if it was really worth it, to go on. I had a son that needed his mom not a whining pill popper that wanted to stay in bed all day so I checked myself into a psyche unit for help. By that time I had also stopped eating because it was just too painful. As I was checking in I was laughing, my older sister was so offended at how I was behaving and called me out in front of the nurse. This was my pain, my reality and if I want to laugh about it that is my right. She is an uptight old bitty and has never been happy a day in her life so maybe she needs to laugh a little more! The doctors had me so drugged up that I couldn’t even stand without leaning against the wall, they were worthless. But I met a woman that was brought into the unit in a wheelchair with scratches and scrapes all over her and both of her legs were in casts. I later learned that she had jumped off of a bridge and lived, but she would never walk again. Learning her story gave me a renewed since of self and a new definition of desperate. It empowered me and the journey I was on; I knew I could do this.

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I accepted the fact that depression was common with people who suffered from chronic pain and continued on the antidepressants. My next battle was to get better control of my pain so I sought out the help of a pain specialist. After running some blood work he discovered that I was intolerant to Vicodin so it was useless to me. The pain specialist introduced to me what I thought was the answer to my prayers, Fentanyl patches that were placed on my skin and changed every 72 hours and for my breakthrough pain liquid Oxy. For years my family insisted that I was a drug addict and now being placed on Fentanyl patches should have shut them up because you don’t experience high’s and low’s on this medicine. They had no idea how many sleepless nights I had, crying doubled over in pain, cry when I had a BM because the scar tissue was wrapped around my intestines so tight. My family acted as though this was an elaborate attempt to get attention from them because they had never experienced pain like this before and had no compassion or empathy nor cared to. For the first several months on Fentanyl patches I felt I had been given a gift, a pain free life for the most part. Then my husband, yes I said husband and if you are counting this was number three, and I decided to leave Santa Barbara and move to Northern California. I had a local pain specialist pick up where my last one left off but the patches were wearing off early so he instructed me to change them every 48 hours instead. I managed on this regiment for several years but then began experiencing some unexpected crazy health issues and had no idea what was causing it. My legs ached with unbearable pain; I would lie in bed kicking them up and down, punch them lightly with my fists. My body would begin to jerk and I felt like a demon had taken over my being. I thought I was going mad, I couldn’t sleep, eat, or even think straight and I could no longer cope and began screaming in agony - but nothing helped. Then the guilt crept in as I could only imagine how my children (yes, I said children. I adopted my husband’s son from China) felt hearing their mom. These episodes became a regular occurrence but I had not a clue as to what was causing them and I was scared! It wasn’t until a paramedic questioned the dosage of my Fentanyl patches that I began to put the pieces together. He was in disbelief and demanded to see the

192 Insights into Self-Empowerment doctor’s orders; his exact words were “200mg of Fentanyl is enough to stop an elephant”. Hearing that gave me somewhere to start looking in order to figure out what the hell was going on. The more I learned the angrier I became with myself for putting so much trust into these doctors. If I had known Fentanyl patches are about 81 times more potent than morphine and that yes it is absorbed through the skin but your body temperature has a direct effect as to how much is absorbed. Living in Northern California I was always hot and therefore absorbing the medicine faster than normal thus running out early and falling prey to withdrawal symptoms. I was now determined to get off this crap medicine but first I needed an alternative method to manage my pain. At that time my pelvic pain was worse than my jaw so I went to UC Davis pain clinic with an open mind. Before anything else I wanted a guarantee that students would not be treating me only the doctor! I was encouraged by what I heard and cautiously optimistic because he proposed a long-term non medication alternative, the doctor felt a Neurostimulator was the answer, nothing I had ever heard of before. They were going to implant a battery/computer in my stomach that had two probes that would be placed where I was experiencing the pain. This will stop the nerves from sending pain receptors to my brain. I wanted it in now so I could stop the insanity of the withdrawal’s I was enduring. But the doctor insisted I have a pre-op before he would proceed; one of which was a MRI of my abdomen. The MRI results suggested something was wrong with my lungs therefore the UC Davis doctor was not willing to move forward with the procedure without being cleared by a Pulmonologist. I was upset they postponed my surgery as I was sure it was just my asthma. I met with a local pulmonologist who was very kind, he assured me there was no easy was to say this but I had been diagnosed with a rare lung disease Lymphangioleiomyomatosis (LAM). He showed me the MRI images and pointed out the cysts in both of my lungs, then he explained this disease causes shortness of breath, chest pain, chronic cough, and pneumothoraces (lung collapses). More importantly there is no cure for this disease and the average outcome is 3-5 years once you have been diagnosed. My heart was pounding so aggressively I could see my shirt moving, my skin began

193 The Change7 perspiring and I literally felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach as he continued. I was in a state of shock and couldn’t process any more information, I was not ready to be done with life yet I still have more to accomplish, to share and to be a part of. By that point in my life I made the choice to separate myself from my family parents and siblings but I was desperate for their support and to help me get through this. My first call was to my mom and her parting words to me were, “call me and keep me posted” and my father’s worthless words of comfort was that he would give me one of his lungs. They were not the words I was hoping for, more than anything I wanted to know I was important enough that my mom would drop everything to be by my side and if nothing else just hug me as I cried…. Never happened. I dealt with this new life revelation the only way I knew how. I became one with my bed and popped one Xanax after another. I was angry at the world. I have been through hell and was hoping for some peace in my life for once. Why me? Why now? They say god doesn’t give us more than we can handle and at that moment I lost my faith. I have always been the one to go out of my way to help others and this is the way god pays me back. I laid there night after night worrying about my family, what would become of them. By that time Alex, my son had been placed in a group home and had been there for 2 years because he became so self-destructive we could no longer manage him at home. His team said he was never going to leave as he was diagnosed with the juvenile version of a sociopath, my husband can’t run our business without me, and now I have been given 3-5 years to live. I went through the motions of putting on a brave face for my boys and husband but I was dead inside. I felt like a living corpse and couldn’t remember the last time I showered. As my Xanax haze began to wear off I decided I was no longer going to lie here and wait for my life to end. My work on this earth was not yet done I have a family that I need to make sure will be okay when I am gone because I knew we could not count on my family to help Peter after I was gone. First order of business was to shower and burn my clothes! Second was to simplify our lives so that my husband could manage when I was gone. We moved from a beautiful five bedroom

194 Insights into Self-Empowerment home in a nice neighborhood to a shoe box next to a busy intersection. My husband’s way of dealing with my LAM diagnosis was to become over protective of me. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without him following me in there, I had no independence; I couldn’t get a pedicure without him driving me. He was driving me crazy! Peter and I made had to make some adjustments and had to figure out a new way to deal with our lives; I was going to take the best care of myself possible and not sweat the small stuff! I chose to get busy living instead of busy dying. I choose life, I want to be there to watch my boys grow and hopefully have Alex return home one day. I agreed to go ahead with the Neurostimulator implant and eventually found my way to Stanford University that offered the latest care and treatment for LAM patients. I was warned that I may experience lung collapses, chest pain, I may have to go on oxygen and possibly have a lung transplant down the line, blah, blah, blah. I stopped listening after they shared the part that the latest studies show woman live a lot longer than originally thought and that there are currently patients in their 60’s living with this disease. I was breathless and it wasn’t from the LAM disease, I had been handed back my life and it was a true gift. I knew that I still had an uphill battle to scale but for the first time in a long time I had hope! Now that I was back in the driver seat of my life I continued with my original plan, get these freaking patches off of me. The doctors wanted to make sure the Neurostimulator was 100% before changing anything. In an effort to reclaim my life I sought out a massage therapist to hopefully start expelling the stress and tension I had been harboring in my body. The joke was on me, when I went home later that night I noticed my pelvic pain flare up so I adjusted the stimulator to a higher level but nothing happened. I turned it all the way up and if it was working correctly it would have felt like I was being electrocuted. If you have learned anything about me by now I am sure you know what came next. I was back at UC Davis with the rep from the company that makes the stimulator and they confirmed that it was broke. Yes broke! The idiot massage therapist touched my stomach and broke one of the leads.

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Surgery number 34 was scheduled the following week and I experienced several complications for the next seven months. Once that was resolved it was time to expel the demons from my body but none of my doctors wanted to help me get off the patches. They said they were not qualified and of all things I was referred to a psychiatrist. He wrote me a prescription for a medication that was supposed to counteract the side effects of withdrawals and he assured me the Fentanyl patches would be out of my system in three days. That was the best con to date, I ended up in the ER that night and they put the patches back on. Peter and I agreed we were going to take matters into our own hands once again and knowing that I would feel the same symptoms of withdrawal I went forward. We tapered them down 25mgs every other month and it was the fight of my life. I truly felt like the demons were being expelled one at a time. And that psychiatrist, he was full of crap, “I would only experience side effects for three days”, try 30 days. But I did it; the patches were off and are never going back on this body again! Humor continues to be my way of staying sane, I laugh very easily even through the setbacks I experience along the way. Peter has been my rock through this entire process and my boys are extremely helpful and understanding. Is my life perfect, hell no, but I don’t need to jump off a bridge to realize that the life I do have is a gift. I have had to give up a lot of activities I use to enjoy but I take pleasure in knowing I will be here to watch my boys grow up and go off to college. It took Alex five years but as of March 2015 my boy came home! Life doesn’t get much better than that! So Where Do You Start? The single most important advice that I can offer you as you begin to take control of your pain is to find a doctor that you like. So many doctors think they are gods, other doctors schedule three patients in a 15 minute period, or you might fall into the hands of a doctor who stands there with his prescription pad waiting for you to tell him what drugs you want. Don’t second guess yourself; if you don’t like the doctor find another. You need to be able to trust your doctor and have a good working relationship if you are going to get your pain

196 Insights into Self-Empowerment under control. Your insurance will pay for you to get a “second opinion”. It is also vital to know what your doctor’s short term and long term goals are for you. Is medication going to be prescribed to you? Remember when your doctor is prescribing medications for you they are not trying to fix anything they are just to relieve the symptoms. How long do they want you on medication? How do you get off of it if the medication doesn’t work because some medications can harm you if you stop them cold turkey. And what are their plans once you build up a tolerance to this medication? Drug companies pay millions of dollars each year to marketing firms. They want to appeal to the masses with their pleasant one medicine cures all campaign. Next they hire employees that are good looking to represent their company as they go into the doctors’ offices to suck up to the doctor’s and staff. They take them all out to lunch, bring gifts and if you look around your doctor’s office I can guarantee the clock in the office, pen’s, note pads, coffee mugs, etc. are all compliments of the pharmaceutical companies. So is your doctor writing you a prescription for that medication because it is best for you or because that pharmaceutical company just sent he and his family to Hawaii for him to keep up with his CEU credits! For a doctor to maintain his medical license he must participate in annual continuing education credits each year. The other options that should be considered for treatment of your pain management is alternative medicine, relaxation techniques, acupuncture, Chinese medicine, natural pain relief, exercise, diet, vitamins massage therapy, breathing and relaxation techniques, and biofeedback. Most doctors will not mention these treatments but some pain clinics do consider these possibilities. It is your body and you have to find the treatment that is best for you. If one course of treatment is not working as effectively as you would like then try something else. Once you have that information you can do your research. Don’t be a dumbass like me and blindly trust your doctor’s recommendations, educate yourself about what you are being asked to put in your body and the possible side effects. Each person’s chemical makeup reacts

197 The Change7 differently to the same medication; in fact, in some individuals, pain medications may actually worsen their symptoms over time or cause unwanted or dangerous side effects. Be aware all medication is not equal. Your insurance company loves the pharmacist to give you the generic substitute if available because it is ten times less expensive. But each generic or brand name medication can affect you differently. This has happened to me with several medications, for some reason my body reacts better to the brand name so my insurance pays for the brand names. Pay attention to the different manufactures that offer the generic form and if one works better for you let your pharmacy know. If it is the brand name that works best then your insurance company will have to cover that too. The pharmacy will contact your doctor for a prior authorization who will in turn contact your insurance company for you. You just have to advocate for yourself. Get ahead of your pain; never wait till it gets to a ten out of ten to take your medication. If you wait you have already lost the battle putting undue stress and trauma on your body. Stress is a normal byproduct of pain but you can be proactive in how much stress your body has to endure. Stress will slow down your body as it tries to heal itself so help it out and don’t put yourself under undue stress. I would never let my pain get above a four or five at the most before intercepting. You are in the driver seat and it is time to take your life back. Right here right now you get to choose are you going to let this become a lifelong crisis and want everyone to feel sorry for you or are you going to start a new chapter in your life? This new chapter starts by changing the way you think about life. Don’t define yourself by what you cannot do rather what new doors have opened for you. I loved working in the medical field and was sad when I had to leave but on the upside I have never had to work fulltime since Alex was born. I was able to raise my son and watch his first steps, first words and be a hands on mom. Find new activities to replace the one’s you are no longer able to do to keep you and your mind active. Isolation is the worst thing you can do for yourself. This is a time in your life that you need the support of your family and friends.

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Sometimes I get so sick of my own story so I call up a friend to remind myself what a normal life with normal problems is like. Also you can do an online search to find support groups available for just about everything. It is a great place to find out how others are coping and to get support through a hard time. The sights should also offer tips, resources, tools, etc. Keep in mind your family and close friends are going through this with you, they are all affected as they watch you process this crisis you have just been handed. There are groups available, online and in person for them as well. This will help your family and friends as they begin to cope with what is happening to you, including tips and information to support you. Don’t even bother trying to hide it from them, even your kids are aware of what is going on at some level and you will only damage your relationships if you try to hide it from them. Knowledge is Power! Research shows that pain education can improve one’s outcome and maybe feel a little better as you take control of your destiny. We have already discussed that stress and depression go hand and hand with chronic pain. To what extent they affect your life is up to you. Laughter really is the best medicine. Studies have proven that laughter and humor are a great way to relieve stress. Our brain and body chemistry actually change when responding to laughter and humor. Some research even suggests that humor may prolong your life, so laugh away! And don’t mind those around you or feel guilty this is how you are choosing to process your situation. Numerous parts of the brain help development our pain responses including areas that govern emotions and past memories. This response is hard-wired into our brains and represents a genetic wisdom designed to protect us from bodily harm. The "fight or flight response" is our body's primitive, automatic, inborn response that prepares the body to "fight" or "flee" from perceived attack, harm or threat even when the attack is coming from within. When living with chronic pain you need to learn how to retrain your “fight or flight response” otherwise your body is always on high alert never allowing for downtime so your body can heal itself.

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Having good sleep patterns will help with retrain your system and is so important while dealing with chronic pain. It is while you are asleep that your body is able to go through to rebuild stored up molecules and replace or repair damaged molecules that your body needs for the next day. No matter what kind of therapy, crisis or pain I am undergoing I always include vitamins in my daily life. Vitamins are important for everyone but more so for those who are on the road to recovery. These vitamins should be additional to your multivitamin that you take. Vitamin A: Helps with the detoxification of toxins. Zinc: Is needed to help with the function of vitamin A. Vitamin B: Vitamin B, all of the B’s are essential because each B has an independent usefulness. The B vitamin assists our nervous system, stress, energy levels, skin and muscles. Vitamin D: With less exposure to sunlight and milk intake our bodies are being deprived of vitamin D. Vitamin D boosts our immune system, fight infections, it also plays a role in our blood sugar metabolism and preventing diabetes. Vitamin E: Not the synthetic substitute because that does not have any real value. Vitamin E is an antioxidant, assists our nervous system, and cancer development. Please always talk to your physician and/or pharmacist before adding anything new to your diet or medication regime.

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Pain Management Resources This list of resources will help you and your family to get help finding advocacy groups, support groups, FAQs, articles on accommodation issues, military veteran resources, and more for individuals with disabilities. American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA) P.O. Box 850 Rocklin, CA 95677-0850 Tel: 800-533-3231 http://www.theacpa.org/ American Pain Society (APS) 4700 W. Lake Ave. Glenview, IL 60026 Tel: 847-375-4715 http://www.ampainsoc.org/ National Chronic Pain Outreach Association (NCPOA) P.O. Box 274 Millboro, VA 24460 Tel: 540-862-9437 http://www.chronicpain.org National Foundation for the Treatment of Pain P.O. Box 70045 Houston, TX 77270 Tel: 713-862-9332 http://www.ninds.nih.gov/find_people/voluntary_orgs/volorg711.h tm

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National Center for Complimentary and Alternative Medicine, “Acupuncture for Pain” Toll-free in the U.S.: 1-888-644-6226 https://nccih.nih.gov/health/acupuncture/introduction Psych Central This site offers disability resources, Federal government website for information on disability programs and services nationwide, disability benefit center, and more. http://psychcentral.com/resources/Disability/ “Healing Night: The Science and Spirit of Sleeping, Dreaming and Awakening” by: Rubin R Naiman “The Pain Survival Guide: How to Reclaim Your Life” by: Dennis C Turk and Frits Winters If you suffer from chronic pain, this proven 10-step program brings hope and relief, showing you how gradual changes in specific behaviors can lead to great improvements in your ability to cope. “Yoga for Pain Relief: Simple Practice to Calm Your Mind and Heal Your Chronic Pain” by: Kelly McGonigal There are times I wonder how I ever managed to survive. I am nothing special, no one special, but I did! We are stronger than we think, more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. During a challenge or even when defeat is staring us in the face, we just muster everything we’ve got, push on, and have faith that “this too shall pass.” Man’s Search for Meaning “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

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Viktor Frankl www.WendyCLi.com www.ItsALifeThing.info www.facebook.com/WendyCLi www.facebook.com/WendyCLi.ItsALifeThing www.linkedin.com/pub/wendy-c-li/29/465/917 http://twitter.com/WendyCLi Email: [email protected]

203 204 Keri Murphy

TV host and on-camera personality Keri Murphy is the founder and CEO of Inspired Living, which provides marketing, brand and media development for influential entrepreneurs. Through Inspired Living coaching and mentoring services, on-camera workshops, speaking engagements and ILTV episodes, Keri strives to empower people to recognize their gifts and teaches them how to use those gifts to the best and highest use possible. Keri has been a mentor for the Branson Center of Entrepreneurs, was featured as a Women of Influence through the LA Business Journal and been an MTV Made coach, coached a Miss America, and has hosted E! Entertainment Television, The Golf Channel and the TV Guide Network. Her philosophy and on camera trainings have been featured on CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, NBC, and many more.

205 How to Live an Inspired Life

By Keri Murphy

Do you ever question why you are put on this earth? Do you feel called to BE and do something greater than you are doing now? I believe that calling is a GIFT and should not be ignored, it is given to you with great purpose and power should you step into it. I have experienced this first hand. Since I was a little girl I had an affinity to be in front of the camera. I begged my mom for years as a child to put me into modeling and acting school. At the awkward age of 11 she finally gave in and enrolled me in our local school. I would wait for those Saturday classes like a kid waiting for Christmas. I felt like I was where I was supposed to be and those classes truly shaped who I have become and the opportunities I have now but for many years I did not believe in myself. That I could actually make a living out of what I loved. So for many years I pursued my acting and hosting gigs “on the side.” I started my first business at the age of twenty-three years old as an interior designer and soon found myself as the “expert” on our local morning shows and news stations. I continued to build my business while using video without even knowing it! This was of course before social media and all the other video outlets there are today. Now if you are an entrepreneur and not using video you are giving your clients away to those who are. Now was all must be a spokesperson for our brand. Most people have “jobs” they go to every day; while others build their careers around something they are truly called to do. As a serial entrepreneur, I am fortunate to be in that second category. Inspired Living is my life and my passion. There is no separation between

206 Insights into Self-Empowerment me as a person and the work I do, inspiring people to live the lives they feel called to, expressing their gifts and passion. This is who I am but it was very bumpy roads that lead me here. The road to your greatness will not be easy but it’s so worth it! Why is it that less than 20% of us actually love the work we do? Why do we ignore that inner voice telling us there is something so much more? Since when did we allow ourselves to settle for anything less than happiness in our lives? We stay in unsupported friendships, lack luster relationships, and jobs where we are overworked, underappreciated (and probably underpaid). But why? Fear, self-esteem, beliefs, comfort, there are a million reasons and justifications we make for settling but each day we wake up and have a choice. You can decide to live passively, by continuing to do the things that keep you exactly where you are now, leaving you dissatisfied and wanting more, reinforcing a “victim mentality” Or… You can decide to live purposefully, by taking action each day to make you a stronger, happier person with fulfilling relationships and advancing goals. Whether it is conscious or not, one of these two is chosen every day. There is no “opting out”, it happens whether you like it or not. I vote instead of letting life happen, and settling, live a life well lived. Challenge your current beliefs, circumstances and create a life of awareness. In my experience of coaching and mentoring hundreds of conscious, passionate entrepreneurs these are the 5 questions I often ask in order to help them recognize their fears and overcome them before they settle for anything less than what they truly desire in their life. “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung

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I want you to think about all areas of your life: your work, your love life, your friendships and your self- care. Read each question and then write your response without giving it a second thought. 1. Where in your life are you settling for less than you want and need? Write out each place and how you’re settling. 2. Why are you settling? What’s the fear behind it? 3. What do you fear would happen if you stopped settling and went after what you really want? 4. What is a new belief about what’s possible for you that you’d like to think about working toward? Start with an “I am” or an “I have” statement. 5. What would the first small step be if you were to act as if this belief were true? Overcoming these limiting beliefs and fears will stretch you in ways you never thought possible! It will eliminate negative relationships and energy from your life and allow you to truly live the life you deserve, not one you have settled into. Now is a great time for people to step into their calling and thankfully, opportunities are significantly better for women in business today than they were just a few years ago. There is a global shift taking place where more people are starting their own business and realizing the importance of mentorship along the way. Something I had to learn the hard way through my own entrepreneurial journey. For too long we were trying to do it alone, working for our self by our self. A model that has left many of us feeling isolated and unfilled. We really are better together! There is a lot of opportunity for women in business today, and it shows in the statistics on startups. I love being a woman in business; I couldn’t imagine being anything else. Some of us still feel that there are limitations on how far we can go, because we aren’t men and can’t get the support we need, but I think those limitations are vanishing. I think we are going to see more and more women stepping into their greatness and building multimillion-dollar businesses. The key is surrounding yourself with other successful,

208 Insights into Self-Empowerment influential people that you can learn and grow from. That alone has played such a paramount role in my own success and building Inspired Living to be what it is today. I am a born risk taker, which is a common strait in most successful entrepreneurs. I never think about whether I should do something one way or another on account of me being a woman but there are certainly differences between women and men in the way we innately function. I believe a successful man or woman understands the masculine and feminine energies and uses them both in their business and personal development. We are very different when it comes to business and in the way we communicate with each other. Men do not wait for validation, they ask for the raise, take the risk, and jump in before they’re ready. Women on the other hand are constantly waiting for validation; they undermine their value and are less likely to take risks. However, women have a tendency to speak more from the heart than from the head. Which is a huge plus when it comes to marketing and media. Now more than ever people want to engage with people, not brands. So it’s important to be who we are, to use our heart and intuition. When we speak from that place, people are more drawn to us! A big factor to living this full, authentic, purpose-driven life is never trying to be something we are not. With all the social media outlets today we are all subject to “FB envy”, we get stuck in “analysis paralysis” and self-judgment mode. Who am I to be great? To start a business? To create my own show or use videos? YOU are a gift- one in seven billion to be exact…why NOT you? Your success has come from your heart, understanding your “why” and collaborating with others (collaboration is another thing women are good at). Two other components to success are being true to your calling and not getting stuck in the minutia of running the business or owning a “job.” Do what you do best 80% of the time and outsource the rest! Knowing your strengths and delegating what you are not good is a must. Of course, sometimes our strengths can be our weaknesses, too. For example, sometimes women are so “heart-focused” that we don’t pay enough attention to the financial or organizational side of our

209 The Change7 business or vision. We don’t get the necessary systems and operations in place. I have those systems in place, because I hired the right people to make it happen. I want to hire people who are better than I am. Men are really great at hiring the right people, but there is a sort of “boys club” where they take care of each other. I think women can gain a lot by doing that. We have this talent for collaborating, but we also tend to look with envy at other women who are successful, rather than find out how they did it. The number one contributor to my personal success is my Faith and belief in God. Faith involves risk. They don’t call it a leap for nothing, but living in faith can empower you to change the way you approach your goals. It can give you the confidence to keep going even when there is no evidence that you are moving towards success. Defined by Merriam Webster dictionary, faith is “A firm belief in something for which there is no proof.” Faith requires complete trust, whether that is in a dream or goal, a business, a relationship or a higher power. You must trust that what you aspire to become, regardless of your current circumstances will be fulfilled. With faith, your life vision can become a reality. Faith encompasses many things… Believing when I don’t see it. It is visualizing the future in the present. Every new thing is impossible until it is realized. “Believing is seeing” not “seeing is believing”. If you believe you can’t do something, you will fail, but if you truly believe you can achieve your goal, it will unfold before your very eyes. This psychological phenomenon has been proven time and time again. Blind faith is scary but being driven from deeper place, in alignment with your goals, you will find the stamina and resources to make it happen. Giving when I don’t have it. “It’s how, not how much, and attitude, not amount.” Faith is giving when you don’t have it to give. There are two ways to give. Giving in fear…”How much can I afford to give?” or giving in faith…”How much should I give to help, whether I can afford it or not?” Putting

210 Insights into Self-Empowerment forth an investment, even when you are in a tight financial situation, can bring many blessing into your life. Persisting when I don’t feel like it. Do you always feel like being nice to people? No? Well if you didn’t how many friends would you have? Do you always feel like going to work? No? Well if you didn’t how would you make money or build your business? Do you always feel like going to the gym? No? Well if you didn’t how would you reach your health goals? Nothing is easy all the time, but if you didn’t push through those tough days or challenges, where would you be? Not any closer to your goal. Live by your commitments instead of how you are feeling. Thankful before I receive it. If you are always focusing on the problem or what you are lacking, you leave no room for a positive outcome. Being thankful before you receive, breed’s faith. If faith is believing in the unseen, you must acknowledge that and good things will come to you. Trusting if you don’t get it. Everything happens for a reason, we have heard this so many times, but that does not make it any less true. There is a purpose for every milestone we overcome. Every challenge makes us stronger. Timing is not always perfect and our dreams may be delayed, that does not mean they will never come to be. Trust that there is something better coming your way. This bump in the road will lead you down a path better suited towards your goals. To have faith in something does not mean that you will never falter in your belief, but when it is tested persist. If you have not reached your goal, remember the definition of faith, belief in something when there is no evidence. You must trust that this is all a part of the bigger picture. Be thankful for every lesson learned and continue to give in faith that you will reach your end goal.

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Everything that happens in our life is for our greatest good, no matter how it shows up. This is a lesson I have learned time and time again. I had to close a company that I loved when the recession hit in 2008. It wasn’t just the recession, though. I never had a financial strategy, and I didn’t have good financial systems in place, including a forecasting system. I filed for bankruptcy in 2008, sold my home short, packed up my car, and moved to Los Angeles. Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be a speaker and perform on camera. I knew I could do this, but I always put that desire in a box and set it aside. I opened that box once in a while when I hosted events, but I’d close it up again and put it on a shelf, thinking, “Maybe later.” So when I closed my business I had nothing left but to open that box. That was when I gave myself permission to do what I knew what I was called to do. My new business grew to provide me a six-figure income in less than two years. That didn’t happen because I “knew it all.” It happened because I was doing what I needed to do but had never had the guts to do full time. I remember the moment I understood what I had to do. I was in a casting office with two hundred other women auditioning for a $15,000 job. I waited three hours to get two minutes to prove that I was good enough for this job. I knew I could do it. I had worked on television networks from E! to The Golf Channel. Being on camera was my thing. It seemed absurd that I was going to have just two minutes to get someone to validate me, to tell me I deserved that job. That was the moment the light switched on. I told myself I was no longer going to put off or ask for permission for what I knew I was supposed to do. Shortly after that I launched Inspired Living and ILTV. My first interview was with “Hercules” Kevin Sorbo. People ask me how I get celebrities to interview with me. The answer: I ask them. I no longer wait for permission. And that is how Inspired Living took off. I know for many women it is easy to just keep going to work rather to go out and do what they are called to do. But making a big life decision from the heart is what transforms women’s lives. It’s how I started Inspired Living, and it’s what Inspired Living teaches the women who come to us.

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Women bring so many special qualities to the business world. Empathy, sensitivity. I think our being emotional, and able to share our emotions, is a gift. We can be open and vulnerable in business and still be strong. Men still seem to feel that they always have to be strong, that they can’t let people see their weaknesses or the areas where they lack knowledge. Women can let that guard down and drop the façade. And we can share our triumphs and challenges with each other. I love being a woman in business because I can turn to my women colleagues and friends. I think that’s amazing. Here’s an example. At a training session in London I met a woman, Michelle, who had been an accountant for thirty years. In a breakout session she spoke in a way that reached my heart and soul. Afterwards, she told me that was the first time she had spoken in any public arena. I have worked with her for two years, and she has become very successful in her coaching and speaking business. That truly inspires me, and Michelle is out there inspiring other women to change their lives. My business is about helping women realize their true self. But there are ways in which all successful women can help others do this, and should. You can be part of an organization like Score or Women Network and be a mentor to someone who is new to business. You can write articles. You can give to underserved women in your community. You can give your time, money, or talents. You get what you give. It doesn’t have to be a lot. Giving back is sharing the energy of the universe, and I think it is imperative to your long-term success. Most of the entrepreneurs I work with who have reached $1 million are very big on giving back. But you don’t have to be an entrepreneur to help other women build their businesses. There are many ways you can help yourself, as well. First and foremost, believe in yourself. Next, listen to that voice inside your soul that keeps nagging you to do what you are called to do. That is a divine gift. Our dreams are not accidents. We are not given these visions and desires without the resources to make them reality. Here’s the thing, though: you have to be willing to be uncomfortable. You have to be willing to take the steps that are

213 The Change7 needed to bring your visions to life. Get out of your comfort zone. Too many of us go right back to what we know, to where we’re comfortable, the minute we feel resistance or insecurity. That is why only 6 percent of Americans are making over $100,000 a year. It’s not that they aren’t smart enough; it is because they are not willing to do what it takes. I teach people to work on my four D’s: Decide, Dedicate, Develop, and Deliver. How are you doing those four things in your life? Have you even decided what you want to do in your life? You have to get clear on what it is that you want to create. You imagination creates your destination. You have to make the decision and then dedicate yourself. Perseverance and tenancy are the difference between those who want something and those who achieve it. You have to be developing yourself both personally and professional at all times. As they say, when you stop learning you stop earning. Investing in myself has been one of the keys to my success and so many others. The last step is deciding how you want to deliver your gifts and message to the world. So take the time to decide, dedicate, develop and deliver who it is and what you want to BE in the world, your possibilities are infinite! I would love to support you so please feel free to reach out and let’s connect! www.InspiredLiving.tv www.kerispeaks.com www.youtube.com/user/kmurphy237 www.facebook.com/pages/Keri-Murphy/226830797830 www.linkedin.com/in/kerimurphy Twitter: @kerimurphy

214 Jorge Gutierrez

Jorge Gutierrez has served as the CEO for the BMOC GROUP since November 2011. He is an accomplished and experienced Executive Advisor |Coach | Thought Leader | Organizational Development Consultant | Leadership Developer and Leader of Leaders. His passion and purpose is to serve others and develop human capital through leadership development and quality of life improvement. Jorge retired honorably from the Armed Forces and is a graduate of the US Army Sergeant Majors Academy. His education includes a Bachelor of Science and a Master of Science in Management / Leadership. He served as an Adjunct Professor for Central Texas College where he taught Leadership Counseling. Jorge’s awards and decorations include The Legion of Merit, Bronze Star Medals, and the Master Parachutist Badge., Silver Order of de Fleury Medals and Service Certificate signed by the President of The United States. Jorge has led company turn around initiatives in the different sectors, converting them into Business Services Centers (BSC) business models that continue to thrive today. Jorge holds Certificates as a Program Management and Quality Professional from Villanova University, and Organizational Assessments Administration Professional from Resource Associates Corporation (RAC).

215 Be the Change

By Jorge Gutierrez

“Either write things worth reading or do things worth writing.” ~ Benjamin Franklin My mother tells the story of some of the most fearful days and times of her life’s journey during 1959 and 1973, in the island of my birth. She speaks of many experiences, but most impactful is the recollection of a mother in fear of losing her life and that of her infant son; early in the ‘60s and after the Battle of Santa Clara she describes the tale of events that continue to define me today. She tells of the late hour and the echoes of gun fire, and all that accompanies a well- executed raid. We were in the apartment that my grandfather and uncle built with their hands, both master carpenters and God fearing men. Mom recalls the evening in question as she bundled me up and hid under the bed in the hope of staying alive, and beyond her fears, she mustered the courage to lift her heart in prayer in the midst of our chaos to beg our Lord to intervene on behalf of our safety; and so, her prayers were answered; but only to begin the journey of the rest of our lives. Consequent to these events our struggle for change began. Dad had to leave the City as he was being pursued by the communist regime. He eventually was apprehended, tried and imprisoned as a political prisoner.

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In 1972 dad was released from his imprisonment. On the 6th of April 1973, our family traveled from Cuba to the United States, embraced by a Citizenry willing to give us a second chance at life, something denied us by our land of birth and those that espoused socialism and communism as a form of advocating for the common good – a tried and failed system. As an American Citizen I believed in serving in our armed forces. Through 26 years of service I rose through the ranks learning the art of leadership, taught through the institutional, academic and in the field of honor. These experiences caused me to think and believe that from birth, my destiny fell within the realm of being a Leader, but in retrospect; I’ve arrived at the conclusion that a life of Leadership is not about destiny or fate; it is a gift and a calling. Answering that call requires a commitment, a full embracement to the constancy of change, and the ability to adapt in order to thrive. I believe that Leadership is essential to accomplishing just about anything. Though certain competencies are required to accomplish specific tasks it’s through Leadership that we accomplish the unthinkable and the often thought off as impossible. Many believe that Leadership is a science; others believe that Leadership is an art. While I don’t completely disagree, I am of the opinion that Leadership encompasses a little bit of both and is culminated in full by a simple definition. Leadership equals Responsibility. My contention is that through science, we can better prepare leaders and managers to face their future with the competencies required to influence men and women to do the things that they wouldn’t do during normal circumstances. Whatever experience science is unable to provide can be made up by enthusiasm, character and values. Today we are rushing people into Leadership roles without regard to experience or education; in some cases without regard to personal desire or choice. We have systems that consider candidates for positions of greater responsibility yet fail to focus on assessing desired skills and knowledge. The focus is on potential more than the individual possessing the right attitudes, skills and knowledge necessary to fulfill their new and demanding roles.

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One of the dynamics of Leadership in its artistic form is how the individuals being led perceive them-selves in the work place. This feeling is usually influenced by work conditions, environmental applications and mostly by perceptions. These elements and others will effect morale; morale which will normally be varied and directly linked to attitude and behaviors. It can mostly be tied to the culture and norms of the organization and the influence of the workload, mission and leaders. Making people feel good is not necessarily a difficult thing to do. Simply give them what they want and for the most superfluous part the leader will be liked. The test arrives when the leader makes the unpopular decision of choosing what’s best for the organization vs. what the people within the organization perceive to be the right thing. Given this disparaging view of the right choice ultimately places the leader in a precarious situation that effects how the individual is viewed and perceived. Morale can plummet. One can say that organizational behavior is one of the most complex challenges facing our leaders today. They must obtain the strength of character to explain policies even when they don’t quite understand or fully agree with them, especially when struggling with internal disagreement. Ultimately it’s the proper culture and climate that allows all leaders in the organization to develop and grow into the positions of responsibilities that will run our organizations in the future. Leaders are made not born “It’s not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the most responsive to change” ~ Charles Darwin “Those of us in the field of Leadership and business development are asked this question quite often. You won’t be surprised to learn that I believe leaders can be made, since the making of future business leaders is at the heart of our mission and curriculum here at the Harry F. Byrd, Jr. School of Business. It is not, however, a question to be dismissed lightly, and the complexity of leadership requires us to look at the question seriously and critically.”

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If Leadership is learned, then leaders are made and not born; just like one is not born with the skills and knowledge of a surgeon the same applies to leadership. It is true; however, that everyone is gifted in a very unique way. This uniqueness, exposure to challenging environments and the determination to succeed can awaken us all to the discovery of our true life purpose and passion. Education, training and experience are of course essential for personal and professional growth; and while attitude isn’t everything, the right attitude is, particularly in the pursuit of excellence. Skills and Knowledge form the main ingredient of expert Leadership. Developing individual traits and characteristics are necessary in order to lead others; but it’s not enough; simply because it’s often misinterpreted as predictors of success. When thinking and applying Leadership development models, my position is that it must be results driven. Using results as the desired outcome in business becomes paramount to align organizational vision, mission and goals to the leaders that are burdened with the responsibility to lead. Also it’s important to recognize the necessity of aligning Leadership development with internal systems and processes to achieve desired results. Leadership is the process of influencing others. This definition covers the magnitude of its impact and the responsibility in which leaders must view it before engaging in the process, Leadership equals Responsibility (L=R). A formula for success when combined with commitment and desire will make all the difference and yield results. 1 I believe in this formula so much that I base all the work I do with clients around it. Let’s take a look at it.

(organizational & personal) A (S+K) + Goals = PBC  IR

1 “Many of the concepts discussed in this chapter were developed by Resource Associates Corporation, www.resourceassociatescorp.com, and have been published with permission.”

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This formula stands for: Attitudes as a multiplier of Skills, addition of Knowledge plus Goal Achievement equals Positive Behavior Change which leads to Improved Results on both an organizational and personal level. When recognizing that in order to improve, we have to focus on the skills and knowledge we need, then it can be argued that our Attitudes impact the way we think since they are habits of thought. The way we think impacts our behavior and the way we behave impact our Results. If we want to get different and lasting results, it’s not enough to change our behavior. We have to start with changing our attitudes, which will, in turn, change our behavior, and then change our results. Behavioral psychologists have determined that 95% of our basic attitudes were developed by the time we were 5 years old, mostly around negative conditioning. As a result, most people think more often about what will go wrong, how they might fail, why it won’t work, rather than what is good, what’s right, and how it can work. So, if you want to change your attitudes. What do you need to do? There are actually 3 steps. Step 1: Recognize that your attitudes are Habits of Thought. And the attitudes that you currently hold give you some level of satisfaction. Step 2: Determine the satisfaction you derive from that attitude or habit. Step 3: Replace your old attitude with a new one. To go through these steps takes some real honest “looking in the mirror” reflection. Often times, our attitudes – the way we think about something – are just what we’ve always had or our reaction is very predictable. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are productive. Sometimes our minds adopt a course of least resistance or a path of the lesser of two evils. The mind is interesting; you won’t be able to pull out the old attitude without replacing it with a new and perhaps better alternative. You can’t just pull the other out and leave a “void” there. So it takes effort to recognize and come up with a suitable and better alternative.

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Back to our Formula for Success…Skills and Knowledge are the “what to do” and “how to do it.” To be effective, to grow and to change, you must have the basic skills and knowledge. These are what I call the foundation. How can you learn skills and knowledge? The same way you learned what you know now. There are actually 3 ways that people learn. The first way we learn is by Inspiration. Have you ever listened to a speaker, read a book, or been inspired by someone? It’s those moments of clarity when you finally see something clearly. Now inspiration is great when it happens, but it’s very unpredictable, and it actually only represents 2% of the way we learn. Impact is the second way we learn. Impact learning usually happens when there is a dramatic or even traumatic event or discovery. Like inspiration, impact learning is good. But it too only represents about 2% of our total learning. That means that the third way we learn represents a whopping 96% of the way we learn. Let me ask you, what’s…4x5? 6x7? 3x10? 13 x19? The reason you didn’t know the last one was because in school, you stopped learning your multiplication tables at the 10’s or 12’s. When was the last time you studied your multiplication tables? For most of us, it was probably around 4th or 5th grade. Yet you still remember them today…many years later. And for some of us that’s many, many, years later. Spaced repetition is the most effective and powerful way we learn. So how are you incorporating repetition into your learning process, and what about your process with other staff or junior leaders? Are you responsible for teaching some other staff how to perform certain tasks? How can you use repetition to make it effective? The research says that someone needs 5 or 6 repeated exposures to information to start retaining it for any long-term duration. You must combine your Skills, Knowledge, and Attitudes with a structured Goal Achievement Process. Notice I said, “Goal Achievement not goal setting” Most of us are ok at setting goals; it’s a little more challenging to achieve them.

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I don’t agree with the popular phrase “Knowledge is Power.” Instead, I would argue, “Applied Knowledge is Power.” It doesn’t really matter what you know or how great your attitude is if you don’t do anything with it. How do you apply your attitudes, skills, and knowledge to reach your goals? Goal setting includes defining what you are trying to accomplish. There are seven steps to creating and achieving meaningful goals. They are: Write a SMART Goal Determine Rewards and Consequences Identify Obstacles Find Possible Solutions Establish Action Steps Create Target Dates Delegate/Assign Responsibility While the seven-step process is probably longer than what you are used to going through, I can guarantee you that it’s a foolproof system if you use it and implement it properly. Obstacles present themselves in varied forms, they may be kids, family, boss, phone interruptions, social media, emails, health issues, the economy…you name it, there are plenty of them aren’t there? There are actually two major categories of obstacles; do you know what they are? Obstacles may be internal or external. Internal obstacles include our own attitudes, fear, procrastination, and poor time management to name a few. When thinking organizationally, have you ever heard or felt, “I pay good money to hire top leaders … why can’t they lead?” Nothing will ensure your success in the future except a professional development system of Leadership that focuses on results.

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Let’s call the traditional model of “Leaders must possess a certain set of characteristics” a competency-based model. Using this thinking, if your objective is to train and develop new Leaders, you need to designate the characteristics you want your Leaders to exhibit and train to those. This assumes that if you grow the Leadership qualities in people then somehow magically, this will impact organizational results. A result of the popularity of this model is evidenced in the “promote from within” strategy. How many times have you seen a “super” worker promoted to supervisor, and then everyone sits back and waits for them to “lead?” Who has seen Leaders or “Leaders-In- Training” sent off to workshops where the facilitator presents his list of leadership attributes and helps the participants’ measure and develop themselves? How long did that training “stick?” Let’s shift the paradigm instead to determining that a Leader must demonstrate the ability to get results. If organizations define the results needed, they can then grow the people and processes to ensure those results! It’s time to embrace a Result-Based Model of Leadership. How do we go about instituting this model? It begins with setting goals through your organization’s strategic plan that is focused on your vision. Here is where you can define the desired results from your Leaders. It continues by aligning the people and the processes to ensure its realization. The goal is to have all of your operations linked to the Plan. Then virtually everything that happens in a company works purposefully toward achieving that Plan. This first step is to create alignment between the goals of the team and the overall vision of the organization. When that happens, positive results are more likely to occur. Organizations must work toward getting all of their people pulling in the same direction and ensure the alignment process within results- based Leadership Processes are embedded and understood within the team. Consider this - the Executive Leadership Team has this responsibility: Establishes a Vision Statement – Who or Where You Want Your Organization to Be in the Future

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Establishes a Mission Statement – What Must be Done in Year One to Move to Achieve the Vision Creates Critical Success Factors Establishes Goals that are Necessary and Sufficient to Accomplish the Critical Success Factors Offers a Specific Action Plan to Accomplish the Goals – WHO does WHAT by WHEN No matter the size of your organization, the strategic plan should be passed successfully from one level to the next until every person in the company is aligned with the vision. Every member of the team must understand their own action steps to accomplish the Vision, be supported with the required resources and have processes in place that ensure productivity, innovation, and speed. Then and only then, is the organization aligned and is truly in a position to succeed. Consider doing this: Include the ability to set goals and achieve desired results as part of your leadership definition Commit to new approach to Leadership development by developing and following the processes that lead to achieving results Implement specific Leadership Development Processes that lead to results by focusing on organizational alignment Revisit your Core Values and that of your organization to ensure there exist congruency of thought A parting thought – Leadership is the art of influencing others; it is learned and many of us have the propensity to become great leaders because it is our calling and our gift. Believe in yourself, this is the catalyst to change. Have faith, faith and belief go hand and hand, however faith is not taught in business schools today or any secular Leadership academy; it’s passed down through our families and tested through life’s journey as part of our values system. Faith is

224 Insights into Self-Empowerment different than belief because it forces us to trust in something or someone we haven’t seen. It’s never too late to change; I like to reflect on words from - Benjamin Franklin, "At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment." And through my journey I’ve learned that at 50, life begins – and my faith has led to Wisdom… Be the Change *** To contact Jorge: 888-720-6996 FREE http://bmocgroup.com/ http://bmocgroup.com/index.php/easyblog http://bmocgroup.com/index.php/who-we-are https://twitter.com/ShenBizCoach https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/105011266183774659239/10501126 6183774659239/posts https://www.facebook.com/BMOCgroup

225

Lynnea Hagen

Lynnea’s mission is to “Build organizations and communities that inspire the soul”. She is a speaker, trainer, Higher Ground Leadership™ consultant, and success strategist. In 25+ years of coaching and consulting, she has helped build productivity, profits and people for hundreds of entrepreneurs, leaders and teams. She was CMO and co- founder of a weight-loss and health coaching company, co-authored a bestseller, hosted "Abundance Leadership" live-talk radio, and is a frequent radio and TV guest. She holds 4 degrees, including an MS in Organizational Development from University of San Francisco. She’s founder of The Abundance Company, GlobalSuccessCoach.com, and creator of the “Ecosystem of Success” model for business and life. Lynnea’s most recent book, Stuckness—140 Insights and Tips to Get Unstuck, Get Going and Get What You Want, is part of the Think A-Ha!™ thought leadership series. Her next book is tentatively titled Purposeness. More of Lynnea’s journey is in the 2010 bestseller, The Spirit of Silicon Valley—Journeys and Transformations Beyond Technology, which she co-authored. She was a single mom to two successful men, and lives a life fed by daily gratitude, “poodle love”, and moment-by-moment courage to change, grow and serve the world.

227 The Profitability of Purpose, the Wizard of OZ

and You

Lynnea Quinn Hagen

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing that you like stories, AND that you have a few stories of your own, as well. I’d also like to believe that you like movies…because I do. I’m sort of a “movie nut”. I love guessing underlying meanings in movie plots, and how I might relate to characters and stories. One movie I’ve probably seen 50 times is “The Wizard of OZ”. It fascinates me. When I was in graduate school, my study team and I (dressed as different OZ characters) did a presentation about leadership, based on scenes and characters from the film. Later, I created business building workshops based on the “OZ” theme. I always find something new in this film. Once I even viewed it just to watch Toto’s role. Recently this film has been niggling at me, as I’ve expanded myself, personally and professionally, on the subject of what I call “Golden Purpose”, or “luminous why”; and how losses, pain and storms in our lives are often what put us on our greatest path to that which is deeply great and powerful within us. But before I start with Dorothy and the OZ gang, I want to share a bit of my own journey in hopes that it may inspire you. October 4, 1964…that is the date that something more devastating than Dorothy’s tornado hit me and my family. It was a personal

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“tsunami”. That afternoon, I sensed rumblings as the news hit the airwaves, even before family members were notified. The emotional earthquake hit as my parents arrived home: My older sister, my only sibling, the one on whom my mother’s light shone, the child with the big dreams of being a star, was dead. Killed in a car crash at age 17. I was 13 years old, and I felt my life start to slide out from under me, to swirl around me, and I felt caught in the tsunami’s vortex of confusion, responsibility, and guilt. I wasn’t able to label it at the time. I couldn’t put any kind of label on anything that defined who I was. You see, as the sweet baby of the family, I followed the rules, which mainly consisted of two: “Always look good” and, “Be sweet so everyone will like you”. These were followed by “self-esteem and mind reading sessions”, such as, “Shame on you!”, or “You don’t really feel that way. You don’t really think that way”. My existence was based on the opinions of others, and by denying my own thought and feelings--and replacing them with shame. My attempts for maternal attention—“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”--were largely ignored. Mom let me know that children weren’t part of her plan. Much of the time, I felt invisible. I was the sensitive and shy one, and had terrible stage fright and no big dreams. But not Sissy. She was a live wire. She was going to be a star. Sissy had singing lessons, acting lessons. She was the petite, blue-eyed blond—just like our mother, and nothing like me. She resented me as the sweet “baby”, I envied her—sort of a “mutual envy and resentment society”. I felt invisible—and I wished I was an only child. I wanted her gone, so I could finally get some attention, to be seen, to be loved for being ME! Then, like that!—I got my wish. At age 13, I wasn’t prepared to make sense of this event. I felt frozen, cast in stone, not real, just a stone fixture with two legs walking through my little life of home and 8th grade. The tragedy of Sissy’s death and that of her best friend, were all over the news. It was relentless. I felt like everyone knew. To the outside world, I wasn’t invisible anymore, and I wished I was. But home was entirely different. My poor parents dealt with the loss the best

229 The Change7 they could, in their work and hobbies; while I was left to process my confusion and grief on my own. Their message shifted to: “You’re all we have”. Literally, that’s what they said, “You’re all we have”. I winced whenever I heard it, but never said a thing. I never cried. I stepped into taking care of and pleasing my parents…while my needs and feelings got buried away. Meanwhile, Mom hung a large portrait of my sister in our living room, with a light over it, so everyone driving by could see the glowing image of our angel. More of me died. Junior high became a blur into high school, when Mom fought with the school to put me on the marching drill team, to honor my sister’s earlier participation. I was appalled, but I marched my legs off to prove I deserved to be part of the team, while wearing my dead sister’s uniform…all the while carrying shame and guilt for wishing that I could be an only child, and that somehow those wishes had caused Sissy’s death. I started to believe that if she was alive, instead of me, she would be doing a better job of this thing called “life”, and that the wrong sister died in that crash. My deep need to be seen, known and loved burrowed deeper into a dark hole in my heart. Like Kansas’ Dorothy, I wanted to run away from all of the characters, and black and white in my own life…and I was swept away in a vortex. In college, I didn’t fit in. Other students were partying their way into adulthood. But I’d been an adult for 4 years. My inner child was buried with my sister. I tried being sweet so everyone would like me—and not everyone did! To ease the pain, I turned to my drug of choice—food! By the time I was 20, my weight ballooned up 45 pounds. I’d binge to comfort myself, then purge to get rid of the nasty stuff that was making me fat. Thus started an embarrassing bulimic cycle that haunted me for over 20 years. I ate to build a cushion around me. I believed, hoped the world would see how much hurt I had inside. I was sure that NOW my parents would see my pain. What they saw was how disgusting I looked, not that I was crying out for help. In my senior year of college, I got involved with a Viet Nam Marine stationed nearby—a mouthy, cocky, “raging bull”. Just the kind of

230 Insights into Self-Empowerment guy you’d want to marry your daughter, right? In a desperate effort to show my parents how much pain I was in, and how much I needed their attention, I eloped with this dangerous man. At 22 years old, I believed he was my last chance to be loved, and that he was a vessel I could pour my love into, and maybe we would both be healed. I naively hoped my parents would be happy. I was not prepared for the parental rage I received…and how anxious I’d be to get out of this marriage. Dad flew to California, with orders to take away my car to punish and shame me for eloping. It worked. I left the marriage. One week later, I went to the apartment to retrieve my beloved typewriter. My young husband blocked my exit, telling me that I couldn’t file rape charges against him, since we were still legally married. A chill ran through me. I felt dead and powerless—and now I was even invisible to the law. When the assault was over, I ran out, leaving my typewriter behind. I felt like the vortex that started with my sister’s death had finally dumped me into a deep, dark pit. I was sitting in the bottom—and the top, the light, was a mile away. I prayed to God to help me claw my way up into the light, while doubting that I ever would. One month into the marriage, my raging bull husband and I met with an attorney and filed for dissolution. I was relieved, yet seeking redemption for the shame I brought my parents. I got married again that same year. That hole, that shame, that alone-ness didn’t disappear, even in a new, empty marriage. I tried to create ways to be visible to my new husband--while looking for ways to comfort myself. The bulimia continued, and eating became my raison d’etre. I became obsessive about food and my body. Even after I lost over 20 pounds, the cycle continued for over 25 years. I disgusted myself. No one knew what I was doing in private. It was my big, shameful secret…fearing that if people knew me, they’d be disgusted, too…right? But it became a gift I could later use to help others, as you shall see. The birth of my twin sons opened my eyes to miracles, to unconditional love—a remarkable depth of love that astonished me.

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And as I watched my mom hold and caress my babies, I began to see how my mother must have loved me. I could have died twice during the pregnancy and birth—but I didn’t. And for the first time, I felt immense gratitude…and a glimmer that maybe my life had a purpose. Thus began my 35-year journey to my “OZ”, filled with risks, losses, betrayals, huge challenges, self-exploration… and hope. I discovered my Golden Purpose not in the beautiful center, but at the ragged edges of the road, in the hardships. How’s that? Speaking bluntly, I figure that everyone is given manure in their lives…some more than others. For years, I saw my past and challenges like bags of manure, dragging them around, tied around my ankles. They were smelly, heavy badges of honor and excuses. Eventually, I got tired of this, looked at it all and said, “What great fertilizer! What can I plant in it?” And little by little I started harvesting little things from it. Over the years, I cooked up a nurturing “stew”, comprised of therapists, meditation, affirmations, prayer, circles of friends, while adding in things sprouting from my wonderful “fertilizer”— courage, faith, boundaries, forgiveness, self-love--and this “stew” fed me as no amount of food ever could. It fed my heart, my self- esteem, my soul. I eventually made a decision to love myself no matter how I looked, or what I weighed. I started to feel deserving of love, if for no other reason than because I am child of the Divine. And I began to honor my sacred body, as well, by taking sacred care of it. Eventually, excess weight came off. I found my own voice, and my beautiful “inner child” that was neglected and hiding under shame. My “soul food” has helped me deal with tons more “fertilizer” through the years. Not only did that “love pit” get filled in, and my soul get fed, but out of that fertilizer grew a big blooming Golden Purpose, through a process I want to share with you, because It’s the “ultimate alchemy”—turning manure into gold! In 2003, I saw an inspiring speaker at a coaching conference. Dr. Lance Secretan works with leaders around the globe, transforming

232 Insights into Self-Empowerment them and their organizations. He builds organizations that inspire the soul, by creating inspiring, “Higher Ground™” leaders…through Purpose. How? The simple, transformative first part is to answer this question: “What do I feel is the single greatest threat to humanity or the planet, which, if left unchecked, threatens existence?” For months, I dug for an answer that was deeply painful, which was: “The greatest threat is in not honoring the sacredness of each other and the planet.” This felt “right” to me, for I saw that I had not been honored for the sacred creature that I am—that we all are. And damage to the planet is part of that. (As Marcia Weider teaches, “Your Purpose is in your pain”.) Part two, answer this: “What is the opposite of that threat?” Therein was rooted my Purpose, “To honor the sacredness of others, as well as the Earth”. That evolved into my Golden Purpose—“To create a loving and sustainable planet”. No one told me this. It was born of the seeds of pain and despair, and is rooted deeply in who I have always been. It inspires and energizes me for being ME, makes me a more inspiring person, shifting the circle of people who are attracted to me. I don’t have to “motivate” myself anymore, since my energy comes from my soul, and not my ego. This has negated the energy-draining “inner critics” and self-limiting beliefs. Amazing. As I began incorporating my Golden Purpose into my professional work, Purpose became the strong “tree trunk” of a visual, organic “success model” I created. I starting speaking about the “Profitability of Purpose”, for it profits a person to find their soul and gain the whole world. It profits a business, as well. Research, as well as experiences with clients, confirms that organizations which are defined and led by a “Golden Purpose” generate more revenue, higher productivity and higher profits. They attract more clients and have less employee turnover, because they are places where people want to be. Their souls are fed. And then, those individuals carry that into their communities—thus, I can impact creating a more loving and sustainable planet! It profits everyone. How wonderful! Purpose became my new raison d’etre.

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So, let’s tie this together with The Wizard of OZ, for it is a story for all of us. It was a storm, not playtimes and picnics, which brought Dorothy to her path. It was pain of perceived weaknesses, brokenness and lack that enticed Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow to come along; and it was in their combined journey that their inner gifts, strengths and Golden Purpose emerged. There are 5 lessons that stand out for me as I reflect on The Wizard of OZ, and my story as well. Don’t be afraid of telling someone your truth. There’s a saying that we’re only as healthy as the secrets we hide. Each OZ character first shared their pain and needs, and THEN were able give and receive help and support. They weren’t judged or rejected--except by the wicked witch (and we all know people who we need to avoid!). Even the Wizard, when revealed for who he was, found greater joy AND acceptance in his life. I didn’t reveal my eating disorder to anyone until 2012, as co-founder and spokesperson for a weight loss & health company. As a respected professional, author and speaker, ripping a hole in my public persona was absolutely terrifying, but required; for only then could others trust me to honor, love and help them. Communicate your needs. As a child, I didn’t know this. My parents were good people, but not tuned in. I thought I was to blame. As an adult, I learned to state what I needed--help, attention, hugs, boundaries. I got partners for my journey, and so did the OZ characters. It was through asking that they achieved what they wanted, plus a team for the journey. Your Purpose is bigger than your journey and bigger than your goals. Tin Man, Lion, Scarecrow and Dorothy had goals based on their perceived shortcomings: heart, courage, brain, and home. Those things were not their Purpose. As a team, and individually, their Golden Purpose became love. As they journeyed together, it was love for Dorothy and each other that eventually propelled Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow through their final challenges. It was love that gave Dorothy the courage to rescue Toto, to chastise Lion in their initial encounter, and to stand up to the witch (and the Wizard)

234 Insights into Self-Empowerment as her friends were threatened. She did the right thing out of courage born of her Golden Purpose, love. And just as importantly, she taught boundaries on how to treat her and others. Our Purpose can be expressed each day of our journey. It’s not limited to our business nor our roles. We may not feel “in Purpose” every minute (see the movie!), but Purpose inspires us to move forward, keeping us on our path. The worst of people and situations may give you the greatest gifts. It was the tornado, the mean woman in Kansas, and wicked witch who forced our “heroes” to step up into who they could be. All you need is within you all along. Anything else is an illusion. Throughout the journey, Lion had courage, Tin Man had heart, Scarecrow had a brain, and Dorothy had home within. They just didn’t believe it. It was their golden Purpose of love that forced them to see the illusions, the lies of their “shortcomings”--like Toto opening the curtain on the “mighty and powerful Wizard”. Until the end, they saw illusions that they had come to believe. Finally, their Purpose flowed back to their communities. And Toto, too? Please view the film again, and only watch Toto. In Latin, “en toto” means “in totality”. I don’t believe that is where Toto got his name, but to me he is the “totality” of every one of us and what we can do. He is constant and loyal, he was a leader, and he courageously goes into grave danger, all for the sake of his own Golden Purpose…love for Dorothy. And, at the turnaround point of the story, when he steps forward and uncovers the Wizard, Toto demonstrates that the even the smallest of us can make a big difference in the story of the world, and the lives of others. Toto is one of the most inspiring characters in the story. He was simply, and unapologetically who he was. He didn’t know how small he was, and, in the end, his size didn’t matter. And neither does yours or mine. Here’s to powerful journeys! ***

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To Contact Lynnea:

[email protected] Skype: lynnea.hagen www.theabundancecompany.com www.ecosystemofsuccess.com www.globalsuccesscoach.com

Blog: abundanceleadership.com

Twitter: LynneaHagen

Linked In: Lynnea Quinn Hagen

[email protected] www.theabundancecompany.com (408 ) 975-9930

236 Sue Fries

It’s not every day you see a woman business owner in the pest control industry, let alone one who has been in the industry for over 35 years. The TERMITE LADY offers alternative choices along with traditional methods to eradicate termites and pests. Susan and Ecola are dedicated to finding the best solution for your individual needs. Healing from a shattered leg, she wrote a book titled (Learning to Breathe) journey with her son and asthma. Susan takes pride in her accomplishments: winner of the Los Angeles Daily News BEST termite and pest control 2014-2015, recipient of the 2012 Angie’s List Super Service Award, Best Green Exterminator from 2007-2013 by LA Magazine; 2010 Woman In Business award by Business Journal, and Business owner of the Year by the United Chamber of Commerce; and being featured on the History Channel’s Modern Marvels, KTLA News Channel and KCAL9 Women in Business, personally she appeared on Days of Our Lives, more than a dozen commercials and won a car dancing on (Dick Clarks) American Bandstand. Sue Fries has been hosting a syndicated radio show since 2010 on KKLA 99.5fm dedicated to inspiring and encouraging people.

237 Change

By Sue Fries

Do you love who you are? Are you passionate about who you are? It’s so easy to use this empowering word (LOVE) to express how we feel about others, but often difficult to say about ourselves. Life is a journey by which everything evolves. Everyone has unique strengths and weaknesses, gifts and talents. Knowing what yours are can help when you are discovering your purpose and passion on this Earth. Some of the gifts are hospitality, discernment, teaching, or healing. Over time we develop habits that can transform us to confident or beat down human beings. The Bible encourages us to be thankful in all things. We as individuals have our unique story that placed us where we currently stand and make us who we are. I have a story that incorporates fond memories along with tragedies. We are relational human beings and for that fact, we connect on different levels based on many different reasons and causes, we can call it a “special connection”. We feel this special connection when we realize a person has gone through a similar scenario and they can relate on a different maybe deeper level because of a shared understanding. Such as experiencing death of a loved one, or divorce of a spouse, maybe even parents divorcing as a child, losing a dog, having an abortion, being sexually assaulted, being raped, or verbally abused, or even a tragic accident that has made your lifestyle change to where the things you enjoyed doing the most, you can no longer do. My story involves having a loving mother, blessed with two great sisters (One who did not like me because I rained on her parade by

238 Insights into Self-Empowerment taking attention away from her, after seven years of her having our parents to herself) being a great speller in school and having an athletic ability. Having a father who demonstrated his love only through giving gifts, he always gave me great gifts such as a bicycle with a steering wheel instead of handle bars, a unicycle that took me many hours to learn how to ride, along with a motorcycle that also took me hours to conquer. Many fond memories of boating, water skiing, dancing parties at our home, earning my own way to camp by selling candy covered peanuts. Receiving the Lord at camp and coming back to having my mother say, “Dad and I have decided to get divorced”. All of these events have transformed me into the person I am today. Reflect on what has happened to you and ask yourself are you a victim or are you blessed? I am thankful because I am who I am today, because of all these experiences that have occurred up to this moment. We have a choice on how we view things and the thoughts that we choose to believe. We really don’t know what we are capable of until we are pressured or pressed. My desire is for you as a reader of this chapter to understand my heart and to understand that I am truly a servant to be used for the purpose in which I was created for. The same is true for you. As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19 Think of a rock. With time, erosion, wind and water cause the rock to chip away; its shape diminishes until it becomes sand. Now envision a tree. Similar to the rock, the tree changes. However, there is a prime difference between the two objects in that the tree grows, while a rock fades away. Stemming from a small seed, a tree plants its roots into the ground, securing a strong and lasting foundation for life. The trunk emerges as the first visible sign of life to the naked eye, although nourishment has begun in the soil. The trees branches stretch to the sun, eventually bearing healthy vegetation, beautiful flowers and sometimes fruit. There are many other purposes and benefits for each tree. The gift could be shade or more oxygen. The tree has a purpose and needs to be flexible to endure what comes its way.

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He will become like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:8 Similar to both the rock and the tree, we endure life transformations. However, unlike both, we have our strengths and weaknesses, gifts and habits. We have been given the freedom of choice. It is within our control to choose to nourish our talents, to cultivate the person we wish to be and ultimately love. Are you willing to be truly honest with yourself? Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one spirit just as you were called to one hope when you were called. Ephesians 4:2-4 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 Are you passionate about your life? Do you want to pursue a purposeful life? Do you want to change an addictive habit or better your relationships with others? Part of nurturing our gifts and talents has to do with our behaviors. Referencing our tree analogy, a tree performs best when it has the proper balance of shade and sunlight, water and carbon dioxide to flourish. Its chlorophyll makes it possible to absorb these elements as energy. We perform best when we have balance in our lives by maintaining a positive physical, mental and emotional state. All things are intertwined to develop or diminish who you have the power to be. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24 It is never too late to cultivate yourself. Understand that you have specific gifts and that you will produce more significant results if you work in your gifts, specifically for the purpose in which you were created. Know that these gifts take time to develop, sometimes

240 Insights into Self-Empowerment causing discomfort. Embrace this feeling; acknowledging your weaknesses and being willing to feel the pain makes for improvement and growth. Creating daily motivation for yourself and aiming to become better with time makes your personal growth more like a stroll in the park rather than a never-ending chore. Always remember that you are a flourishing tree, making the journey from a small seed to bearing strength and fruit. Goal setting is a very important process and a necessity to creating significance in our lives. Make every moment count. Be intentional. Dream big and with passion! Make sure that the goal your setting is the (purpose that you are called to serve) correct goal for you. Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 Once you are clear on your goal then the process of working backwards begins. How do you eat this elephant? One bite at a time. Relate this process like navigating with a map. You need to know where you are and the destination of where you are desiring to go and your passion will drive you. Then you can map out the route to get there. Who do you need to talk to? What do you need? Who, What, Where and How questions begin. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 Whatever is True, Whatever is Noble, Whatever is Right, Whatever is Pure, Whatever is lovely, Whatever is admirable, If anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. Philippians 4:8 How do you become clear on what your gifts are? Take a look in the mirror at the person you are right now. Look at yourself objectively and realize the strengths you have. Look internally and find what makes you happiest. What you could do every day for the rest of your life? Ask yourself. Are you striving for success or significance? Denial of your abilities must be completely out of the question, as you will never find the lasting courage to begin your transformation. Continually moving in the same routine and expecting a different result is part of the old you. Your belief system, especially in God

241 The Change7 can help guide you in the right direction. When guided by God’s hand, the pursuit of passion, purpose and connection will cultivate you and help you thrive. Have a willing spirit to learn all the time. Be open to possibilities. Whether you realize it or not you are being prepared for your next assignment. Can you prepare for change? Not only is it important to gain a strong belief system and maintain confidence in your abilities, but it is valuable to gain support from those around you. Is there someone who serves as a source of inspiration in your life? Look at this person and pinpoint what you admire about them. What they have changed about themselves for the better? How can you learn from their road to success? Be careful not to try and become this person, but rather strive to emulate their passion and learn from their mistakes. We have been designed intentionally with our own talents and gifts. Focus on your own journey and gradual transformation to becoming a person that you love. Lives change one habit at a time. What we do on a daily basis, is what forms our future? It takes 21 days to form a habit. Here is an example: You are short on cash? Ask yourself what you spend money on daily? If you stopped purchasing this one habit, (Cigarettes or Starbucks coffee) what would you save in a month? What is the savings? If you let unwholesome words come out of your mouth and you have a favorite (not so nice) word. Changing that word for another saying or word would become a nicer, better habit. Habits are those things we do daily. These habits create our quality of life. Change your life one habit at a time. The saying you are what and where you; eat, drink, say, listen to, believe or spend your money on. Pick one, with laser beam focus, make a decision to change this one habit. Nothing happens without motion, you have the power to alter the course. You may be thinking, “Great, I’ll start tomorrow.” Sometimes the hardest step is setting a goal. You should spend most of your time on this, as you will develop your habits with time, energy, love and patience for the rest of your life. Success is when preparation meets opportunity. Once we have chosen what skills we want to build, we must prepare for what we can do moving forward. Flooding your mind with past thoughts and negative thoughts will only tarnish what you believe you can do in the future. The belief that you CAN will always trump any negativity claiming that you can’t. Regardless

242 Insights into Self-Empowerment of aging, change in status or changes in health the focus should be on what you CAN do. Create healthy boundaries remembering you get what you tolerate. Forgive others and yourself and remember YOU ARE SPECIAL and UNIQUE so celebrate that and surround yourself with others that will not just tolerate but that will celebrate you. Take a minute to consider your funeral. I know, not a real happy thought process. But ask yourself, what do you want people to be saying about you at your funeral? Currently, do you believe that what you want them to say and what they truly would say, match? This can be a reality check. How many people will show up to celebrate your life? How many lives have you touched in a significant way? Have you put yourself out there? Have you made yourself vulnerable? What is on your bucket list? With this line of questioning, would the list be adjusted? What is really important in the grand scheme of things? If you had one month to live, what would you do with that time? LIFE IS a DANCE- Be passionate in non-verbal communication, learn to lead and follow, trust submission in love, engage in conversation, be fluid in the motion of life, devote yourself to learning new steps and ways, follow new directions, lead by example, trust your partner, gain understanding of body mechanics, find balance, realize the timing in every situation, patience in the moment, give energy, embrace physical touch, accept your mistakes, practice persistence, listen in conversation, and hear the unspoken universal language, adapt to change, be graceful and share appreciation for the magic in this dance of life. Change is not comfortable. Forgiveness is one of the hardest forms of change. Harboring hard feelings is another way in which an aggressor can wield power over you if you allow it. What more power can someone have over you than occupying a portion of your mind? Forgive and release and enjoy the freedom of a clear mind focused on serving God and in turn improving who you are as an individual.

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Change is your friend. Of course you’ve heard the term “Can't teach an old dog new tricks?” Are you that old dog? Do you surround yourself with “old dogs” that don’t inspire you to grow or keep you stagnant? It’s important to be open to growth and have the ability to learn, grow and adapt and be passionate about the person you are. "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." [Romans 12:2] For there will be peace for the seed: the vine will yield its fruit, the land will yield its produce and the heavens will give their dew; and I will cause the remnant of this people to inherit all these things. Zachariah 8:12 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 What are you tolerating that needs to change? These are questions that are important to ask. First and foremost it’s important to determine your boundaries. The line in the sand. What do you stand for? What is important to you? What are your non-negotiables? Understand you have the power to change you, but you do not have the power to change another. God gives us grace and love which is the ultimate changer. There are some situations that are far beyond our control but in what ways do we exacerbate a situation because we overlooked and ignored your spirit. Put on the full armor of God. Stand your ground, in truth, be ready, have faith, and pray. Focus on what you can do not what you cannot do. If you have bad influencers around you, cut them out of your inner circle. Your body is your temple. Protect it. Guard your mouth, your ears, your eyes, your body, and control the influences of your life? When making any decision, get all the information you can. If there is fear, face it. Think through the worst scenario and walk through it. This process takes the power away and helps provide the courage needed along with prayer. Be sure to count the costs, all the costs. Think it through. I was married for 32 years. I have two beautiful

244 Insights into Self-Empowerment adult children and many wonderful memories. During our marriage I learned so much. I learned you cannot change another person, you can only work on you. Areas of conflict were, trust first and foremost. Communication, fighting fair, submission is not being a door mat, it’s when you resist being in control, depending on another person to make you happy or fill your needs is an expectation that can leave you frustrated, dissatisfied and unfulfilled. Not dealing with childhood issues or any issues does not mean they go away, they don’t. Forgiving others and yourself is absolutely necessary. Giving and receiving Grace is a must. Healthy boundaries is HEALTHY, saying no is OK. Not dealing with issues makes them get bigger and costs more to repair. Realizing what is important to others that you love needs to be important to you as an action of LOVE. Putting others before yourself is the ultimate expression of LOVE. Faith, Hope and Love and the greatest of these is LOVE. Don’t judge, but love. I grew closer to God when I was searching for directions to being a good wife, mother, friend, sister, Christian. When is enough, enough? A relationship cannot succeed without trust. Accepting responsibility and being humble- saying your sorry is healing for everyone. Your actions speak louder than your words but words can and do hurt. So be careful how you speak and what you say? I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:16-19 Be a blessing to someone every chance you get. www.SueFries.com www.Termitelady.com www.EcoLaTermite.com Susan Fries-LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter Learning to Breathe-As long as there is breathe there is HOPE

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Afterword

Life is always a series of transitions… people, places and things that shape who we are as individuals. Often, you never know that the next catalyst for change is around the corner. Jim Britt and Jim Lutes have spent decades influencing individuals to blossom into the best version of themselves. Allow all you have read in this book to create introspection and redirection if required. It's your journey to craft. The Change is a series. A global movement. Watch for future releases and add them to your collection. If you know of anyone who would like to be considered as a co-author for a future book, have them email our offices at [email protected]. The individual and combined works of Jim Britt and Jim Lutes have filled seminar rooms to maximum capacity and created a worldwide demand. The blessings go both ways as Jim and Jim are always willing students of life. Out of demand for life-changing programs and events, Jim and Jim conduct seminars worldwide as well as created a global company in over 170 countries called Quanta International that allows anyone to benefit behaviorally as well as financially. If you would like to hear more about how the Quanta Company can assist you in both income generating and personal development, please email our offices at: [email protected]. To Schedule Jim Britt or Jim Lutes as your featured speaker at your next convention or special event, email: [email protected] Master your moment as they become hours that become days. Your legacy awaits. Blessings, Jim Britt and Jim Lutes

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