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“Spring Break Destinations” Editor-in-Chief Contributors Marisa “Twin Peaks” Carroll Earwax Editor Free Meats, Isabel “Jail” Brown, Jello Baths, Aly “LA” Connor “Newt’s Lunar Colony” O’Brien Kravitz, Mickie “ICE Detention Center” Meinhardt, Executive Editor Obese Dogs, Adriana “Tumblr” Krasniansky, Maris Peter “West Bank” Lacerenza Comix Editor “Hell” Cuddeback, Obese Dogs, Hannah “Anywhere Liz “Bronx Park Motel” O’Malley C Sarah “Antarctica” Strafford in Kansas” Weissenbuehler, Eamon “Colorado Rachel “Center of the Earth” Dougherty Springs” Stewart, Huffi ng Wood Glue, Chloe “Work News Editors Camp” Rickert, Sarah “Dead Sea” Madges, Valerie John “Gary, Indiana” O’Neill Copy Staff “Chernobyl” Heinmets, Caf Soft Drinks As Mixers, Gibson “Saturn” Merrick Will “Hades“ Yates, Hannah “Haiti” Weissenbuehler, Will “Calcutta” Yates, Sarah “Queens” Lyons, Lau- Kate “Walsh Library” Delaney ren “London” Duca, Patrick “Idaho” Damon, Liam Arts Editors “Bridgeport” Lowery, Daddy Mac, Tim “St Louis” Suzette “Dirty Jerz” Dorrielan Luecke, John “Outer Las Vegas” Ford, Anna “No- where” Tighe Will “Purgatory” Speros

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ultimately “how people try to silence women…it’s been used against wom- MORE WISDOM FROM THE VAULT OF RUSH en before and I hope it won’t be used by Marisa Carroll against women again.” Limbaugh turns to a time honored phrase to When a chorus led by a man ar- EDITOR-IN-CHIEF silence women and birth control arguments rested for having too much Viagra calls Georgetown law student and repro- for “Girls Gone Wild” and other dated ticle about birth control into an argu- a buttoned-down, Catholic law student ductive justice activist Sandra Fluke pornography. He repeats the slurs over ment about whether or not Diablo Cody who tried to testify in Congress—an ar- fi rst gained national fame as the lone and over so that reporters like me and is talented or sex work is respectable. chetype known here to for as the “Nerd female voice nominated to speak at CBS and the Times give him attention My point is that Channing Tatum, actor Patriot”—a slut, the whole system looks the Senate’s oversight hearing on the and, consequently, a surge in new lis- and superstar beloved by the Mom’s like a parody of itself. Rush’s over- White House’s contraception rule, a teners and hits on his website. He was and Daughter’s of America, was also the-top statements emphasized how hearing that came to be known collo- probably gleeful when people called a stripper. He, too, is “selling” his sex- ridiculous slut shaming really is. Even quially as “Ladies, Shutup and Let Men him a hypocrite because of his arrest work history in his semi-autobiograph- better, the Fluke incident shows us the Talk about your Babypockets: Episode for having enough bottles of Viagra for ical Steven Soderbergh collaboration GOP’s anti-woman campaign through a 800.” Fluke was nominated because an elephant retirement community. Of “Magic Mike,” a fi lm due for release funhouse mirror. It isn’t about religious of her impressive history campaign- course Rush Limbaugh called Sandra in June 2012. Yet the public response freedom—it’s the same slut shaming ing for women’s health. In her time at Fluke a slut—it’s his business model. to Tatum’s sex work history and art Limbaugh employs in a more politically Georgetown, she has not only seen But slut shaming is not a new tech- has been quite the opposite of that to correct frame. It’s not a war on Cardi- her fellow peers struggle to pay for nique. Cody’s. As she told Ma- nal Dolan or Father McShane, but a non-insurance covered hormonal birth Con- ron, “I am sitting patiently war on “sluts” (like Fluke’s now-infer- control, whether for contraceptive or sider waiting for people to tile friend). Rush is just saying what the medical reasons, but also interviewed one shame Channing Tatum GOP is thinking; that conservative’s and advocated for women at Catholic small for this revelation and it’s have not responded to Rush’s attack— institutions across the country. Fluke ex- not happening. I’m not Romney even walked away from a CNN was supposed to speak on behalf of ample saying I want it to happen camera on Friday when asked—shows women like her friend whose birth con- from to him—but I do fi nd it their allegiance to his brand of think- trol—which was prescribed to treat her the very curious that nobody ing. Boehner, Blunt, and the rest can polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS)— enter- has anything negative to frame this issue as a “religious free- was not covered by Georgetown’s in- tain- say.” dom” one all they want, but instances surance. After months of struggle to ment I’m not—at least I like this one out the GOP’s movement pay the $100+ per month co-pay, she world. hope I’m not—blowing as an attack on women’s sexual free- dom. stopped being able to afford it, and Re- PPictured:ictured: EEllusivellusive HHornyorny anyone’s mind by assert- This “outing” could be a huge op- subsequently became so ill she is now cently, MMaleale FFeministeminist ing that women are often infertile. writer shamed harder than men portunity for women’s health activists, If your gut response to Sandra Dia- when it comes to sex because 99% of American woman and Fluke’s attempted-testimony is think- blo Cody was interviewed on Marc Ma- and sexual autonomy. I hope, though, 98% of American Catholic women use ing, “What a slut!,” then hello, Mr. Lim- ron’s WTF podcast. In case you haven’t I can highlight why Rush’s horrible birth control in their lifetime. When baugh. I didn’t know you were a paper heard—or, in the off chance you didn’t comments may actually be benefi cial Santorum says “I don’t want to pay for fan. groan when I brought her up—people to reproductive health activists. Slut- someone else’s premarital sex,” Mrs. As you may have heard, a “slut” is hate Diablo Cody. They say she’s talent- shaming occurs everyday—from the en- Smith down at the Jewel-Osco nods exactly what political talk radio host less, they say her work is too affected, tertainment business and political talk her head. But when Rush calls a nice Rush Limbaugh called Fluke. He said, they hate her because of hamburger radio to sex-ed classes and conversa- young lady a “slut” and a “prostitute” “What does it say about the college co- phones and Kimya Dawson (which, as tions around the kitchen table. In those for wanting birth control access, and ed Susan Fluke [sic], who goes before Cody noted on WTF, were choices she instances, slut-shaming is cloaked as therefore calls 99% of American wom- a congressional committee and es- did not make for Juno since she was well-intentioned concern: Over some- en those names, moderate Republican sentially says that she must be paid to just the screenwriter, not the director/ one getting something “unfairly;” over moms from the Midwest will NOT stand have sex? What does that make her? consultant/set designer). But, perhaps the general “safety” (like encouraging for it. I know…I’m from there! At least, It makes her a slut, right? It makes her most of all, they hate her because she not to dress/say/do things that are women’s health activists better try to a prostitute. She wants to be paid to was a stripper for a year and wrote a “asking for it [sexual assault]”); over tap into those communities and create have sex.” book about it. Men call her a slut and alleged medical reasons (to summon a moment where all kinds of women Clearly, Limbaugh’s statement (like women call her a prostitute—some- the oft-quoted line from Mean Girls, can safely share their experiences with his existence) is meant to be infl amma- one who sold her experience as a sex “You have sex…then you die”); and a birth control without fear that they will tory. He is inviting the comparison be- worker as a way to “cheat” her way into boat load of other seemingly benign seem to liberal. It might be women’s tween Fluke and sex workers by calling fame. reasons. But, as Fluke told reporters best chance at keeping Rush out of our her a “college co-ed,” a term reserved My point here is not turning an ar- after Rush’s attack, slut shaming is uteruses. page 4 the paper march 7, 2012 the song on his Facebook the outpour- DISSIDENT RECOUNTS THE HORRORS OF ing of public support for him pressured them into playing a clip of the song on YouTube in his absence. SYRIAN GOVERNMENT CRACKDOWN On July 23rd he performed “I Am by Aly Kravitz A couple of students in Duane Library bother My Homeland” at the White House, STAFF JUSTICER and four days later the Syrian regime to stop and listen briefly attacked his parents in his hometown Last Wednesday evening people are,” he declared to the gathering of pressed into two lines on page nine of of Homs, Syria. His father was hand- were busy with their lives—students students and professors seated before the Wall Street Journal. cuffed and forced to watch as his moth- were writing essays in the library, fami- him. “We are oppressed.” Implicit in his speech was the warn- er was beaten and her teeth broken. lies were eating dinner together, busi- Jandali spoke fervently, broaching ing that we cannot do the same thing They were left, bleeding and bound, in nessmen and women were relaxing sensitive political issues with refresh- yet again. He appealed to our shared the bathroom of their home. after a day of work. The day was rainy, ing candor and a healthy dose of hu- humanity, declaring that Arabs are not Jandali immediately went to the gray, generally unspectacular. But on mor. “Here is the problem with the scary or different—there are gay Arabs, State Department and obtained green the third fl oor of Duane library, some- Arab world: lesbian Arabs, cards for his parents to come to the thing remarkable was happening. the level Christian, Jew- United States. Two days after they ar- Malek Jandali, a Syrian musician, of compre- ish and atheist rived he gave the photos of their inju- was giving a concert, but passersby hension is Arabs. The only ries to Anderson Cooper, and shortly af- may not have known that there was any way below real difference ter that the Syrian authorities bombed music involved. After a beautiful impro- the level of is that our po- his house in Homs. His piano, his mu- vised introduction performed on the what we in- litical system sic, his childhood photos—obliterated. lute by Professor Mohammed Alsiadi of troduce to has privileged As he told his story Jandali smiled the Arabic Studies department Jandali the people.” us with the abil- at the crowed. “You see,” he said, “in stepped to the piano and sat down to But this low ity to think and this country I can go the State Depart- begin. He raised his fi ngers over the level of un- speak for our- ment and exercise my beautiful rights. keys and froze, poised to dive into his derstanding selves. In my home country I cannot, because fi rst number. The room waited on bat- is not intrin- ZZamamfi r recentlyrecently eexpressedxpressed Even though it is ruled by a criminal. Just imagine ed breath, anticipating the ring of fi rst sic to the hhisis ragerage wwithith aann iimpassionedmpassioned Jandali is a nat- the American army bombing New York notes, but the notes never came. After Arab peo- ppananfl uteute ssoloolo uralized Ameri- City for the past 11 months. Just imag- several long moments passed Jandali ple; as Jan- can citizen he ine it!” stood up and bowed to bewildered ap- dali pointed must endure his The man that has faced so many plause. He smiled and explained that out several times, the creative mind cultural legacy of oppression. In April challenges in his life plays the piano he had just performed a portion of of Steve Jobs was of Syrian heritage. 2011 he composed a song called “I Am like he speaks: brimming with enthu- John Cage’s infamous 4’33, four min- Rather, the system makes them igno- My Homeland” that, while not explicitly siasm and love for the music. His pas- utes and thirty-three seconds of si- rant: under the dictatorship of Bashar naming Syria, expressed his burning sion for humanity and his hunger for lence. When Cage performed it in the al-Assad the Syrian people are not al- desire for freedom. Amidst the tumult freedom spill into the sound, and his 1950s he was pushing the boundaries lowed to think. of the Arab Spring the song caused fervent plea for us to come together to of musical conception and form, but “While we’re sitting here enjoy- quite a commotion, and Washington, fi ght for universal freedom is expressed Jandali performed it with something ing our freedom, people are being D.C. forbid Jandali from performing it. wordlessly. else in mind. bombed. Killed. Massacred. Raped.” The Arab-American Anti-Discrimination Last Wednesday night most peo- Jandali performed 4’33 as a tribute Jandali spoke matter-of-factly, pointing Committee, whose purpose is to pre- ple were occupied with their everyday to the voices being brutally silenced out that this asymmetry of existence, vent this precise type of censorship of tasks, but those of us in Duane Library in his beloved Syria. As he began to and our indifference towards it, is not and discrimination against Arabs, ad- witnessed something powerful. As we speak of his homeland and his people new: in 1982, when 40,000-60,000 vised him to remove the song from his sat enjoying our freedom and listen- his voice swelled with emotion, pulsing innocent Syrians were slaughtered at repertoire. When he refused they un-in- ing to Jandali’s music we heard thou- with a kind of passion that demanded the hands of Hafez al-Assad the breath vited him from an event he was sched- sands of voices calling out to us from to be felt. “We are not free like you of those thousands of lives was com- ule to perform at, but after he posted the dark. march 7, 2012 the paper page 5 RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC SLURS REFUSE TO STOP APPEARING by Isabel Brown Select Fordham students devalue the name of a respected national STAFF MEANS WELL institution through the continued writing of hate speech In the past 2 weeks, a select few fl oor--even small signs on doors denot- tive participation in the meetings al- one bit. At Rose Hill, it’s all too visible Fordham students have continued to ing “safe spaces” free of hatred or bias, lowed their community to help them how student ambivalence has per- disappoint us here in the 21st century. picked up by students from their RHOs confront it. Sophie Stanish, FCLC ’12, petuated this hatefulness. Without a February 17, as we know, brought the by choice. I live in Loschert, which has explained her reaction quite vivacious- sea change towards dissent and com- n-word scrawled across a black RA’s lately stood out for a three-story high ly: “For me, Fordham University in gen- mentary in our student body, we lack door in Walsh. Six days later, a homo- banner on our glass-panel edifi ce de- eral and LC in particular are my home, the pressure it takes to dislodge an phobic slur was written in a Mc- overarching culture of prejudice at Mahon stairwell. Last Friday in Fordham. Martyrs’ yet another racial epi- YYeah...likeeah...like wewe readread tthehe It’s worth noting the reaction to a thet was carved into a bathroom eemails.mails. WWee ggetet iitt aalreadylready worse, though unrepeated, act at a stall. In this spate of student stu- fellow Jesuit university as an indica- pidity, Residential Life and other tor of how a fucked-up student men- university offi ces have learned tality can be remedied. Last week at to address the problems quickly Notre Dame, one outstanding dum- enough--the administration has dum stuffed fried chicken parts into become the scapegoat for what the mailboxes of their black student students have caused. There union. Unlike us, the administration comes a point in this display of quickly reached out to the group to hatred that we have to lower our understand how they felt and how accusing fi ngers and start look- they wanted the problem to be ad- ing inward. Admittedly, Fordham dressed. The email administrators does foster a more conservative sent to Notre Dame students explic- culture than many other area itly described the act, outlined how schools. It’s still no excuse for the it violated the most basic Christian vile, ignorant comments I hear principles students believed in, and every single day from my class- was cosigned by the president of the mates, much less the string of in- black student union, Brittany Suggs. cidents we’ve all suffered. Other Discourse between student groups Jesuit schools whom we, AHEM, and admins proved to a shocked are competing with in college student body that both sides were rankings--Fairfi eld, BC, George- willing to work past the incident--if town--can be equally conservative each would put in matching effort. and equally Catholic without the This was in Indiana. You are stain of racism on their schools’ paying $53,000 a year to attend a names. Should nothing else resonate claring that “LOSCHERT WON’T STAND my community, where I feel safest and Jesuit university, get one of the most- with you, our school is paying the price FOR HATE.” No other dorm has put most supported. Having something like respected Catholic educations in the of reputation for a student body that up a similar sign. Symbolic victory as this happen in both RH and LC feels world, and supposedly exist as men permits intolerance. it is, the sign is a mark like a betrayal of trust.” I’ve heard no and women for others, all in the most I’m not casting a wide Without a sea change of pride for me--at least such passionate words spoken here progressive city in the U.S. If I could go net of blame on every- towards dissent and some students cared in the Bronx. For many Fordhamites one day without someone referring to one. Yet when Reslife commentary in our stu- enough to make it. The raised to be good Catholics, who came Manhattan as “the city,” or overhearing sets up townhalls and formulaic emails from here so impressed by the Jesuits’ “cura the Bronx described as a slumtown (on fl oor meetings where dent body, we lack the admins and RDs in my personalis” philosophy, to educate our the Ram Van, of course), where I could only a handful of RAs pressure it takes to dis- inbox seemed trite by whole person--but how little education fi nd another sophomore who wasn’t show up, what does lodge an overarching comparison. Not one our indifference shows! Especially dur- too scared shitless of the people of col- does this say about concretely addressed ing the Lenten season, when those of or their parents warned them about to students’ priorities? culture of prejudice at how they would try to us raised Christian ought to try making ride the D alone, I’d feel like Fordham Was there another Fordham. encourage a more pro- sacrifi ces for others, the contradiction might have learned from these horrible cat video, a boyfriend, gressive student culture; between the dozens I’ve seen getting events. You chose to make the Bronx a midterm more important than briefl y only effective cooperation between stu- ashes and the few saying a peep about your home, not the Rose Hill citadel. acknowledging the baseness we’re ca- dents and staff can truly indicate how these attacks is just depressing. The Racism is an issue too universally pable of? far we’ll come. online petition was admirable, sure, repulsive to be accepted on any cam- No, the initial response of the ad- Meanwhile in Lincoln Center, for and showed administrators we were pus. Conservative, liberal, whatever ministration on the 17th was not exact- example, students were packing their upset enough to sign our names in an- you are, it’s an idea best forgotten ly greased lightning on a rocket. Day by town hall meetings a day after the ho- ger. It doesn’t articulate the feelings of about forty years ago. day, however, more signs popped up: mophobic slur was found. Everyone individual students about the problem a meeting here, a discussion on this had concerns and anger--but their ac- Fordham students have with racism page 6 the paper march 7, 2012 Faker JOURNALIST MARIE COLVIN LOSES LIFE IN SYRIA by Adriana Krasniansky The world mourns as awareness of Assad re- STAFF CLEVELANDER gime brutality grows Than On February 22, 2011, The woman she was at 56? Although it’s soring television, press, and the inter- London Sunday Times paused in- only speculation, I think that her fame net; controlling the rights of expression ternational coverage to make an and opportunities stem from her empa- and assembly; and banning other po- Truth announcement that hit very close thy. Call me “in tune to woman-stuff”, litical parties, thus making Syria a one- to home. Its reporter, Marie Colvin but I fi rmly believe that, had she not party state without truly free elections. by Gibson Merrick and John O’Neill – a veteran war correspondent of cared about telling the stories of dev- In 2011, following in the footsteps of several newspapers, who was on astated cities, war-torn families, and other Arab revolutions, the Syrian peo- Tyler, TX location in Syria – had been killed abandoned souls, she would not have ple began to protest his government. In these past months, a fi gure known in a bombing in the city of Homs. pursued such extensive levels of jour- However, Assad didn’t take well to their only as The Parking Inspector became Colvin, 56, along with French nalistic coverage. protests. He set his army free against a household name, targeting imprecise photojournalist Remi Ochlik, 28, Colvin was smuggled under pa- its own citizens; according to sources or thoughtless parkers everywhere for had been working at a cited by the United Nations, up his particular brand of justice. Donned makeshift news offi ce to 8,000-11,000 people have in a neon green fanny pack, second- inside an abandoned already been killed. Many more hand military uniform, and bologna apartment building. have been injured, and tens of mask, The Parking Inspector would The Syrian army, which thousands of protestors have photograph the license plates of the launched the attack, been imprisoned. villains and forward all information to had targeted the build- Before entering Syria (of Sheriff J.B. Smith, who would promptly ing specifi cally – they course illegally) for her cover- have the vehicles towed. Last Satur- wanted to send a age, Colvin was more nervous day, during a hot February afternoon, threatening message than usual. She couldn’t place town drunk Cletus O’Hoolihan drunken- to any other interna- her fi nger on the root of her ly stumbled back to his illegally parked tional sources working anxiety; maybe it was forewarn- Ford pickup, only to encounter the bo- to expose the atroci- ing, but maybe it was an under- logna-faced hero midway through his ties in Syria. Although standing of the extraordinary valiant service. Grabbing a concealed their attack was suc- despair she was about to walk 10-gauge shotgun duck-taped to the cessful – 136 people, into – a people being hunted by under carriage of his car, O’Hoolihan including these two WWatchatch ooutut BBashar,ashar, sshe’she’s ggoingoing its own government. Once in- unloaded multiple shells into The In- journalists, were blown ttoo ggetet eevenven eeventuallyventually side Syria, Colvin’s worst fears spectors face, killing him. The under- apart – their message were confi rmed; she watched taker for Lucky Stiff Funeral Home is was not; rather than a two-year-old boy die, and she presently separating bologna mask deterring fellow news spoke frequently to American from brain material in hopes of fulfi lling reporters, Marie Colvin’s death is trolled borders. She was shot at almost and British media outlets about the de- the Inspector’s wish for an open-casket a symbol of the courage and dedi- regularly, and had seen adults and chil- spair within the country and its need to funeral. -GM & JO cation journalists exhibit in their dren die at her feet. She lost her eye be exposed. work. after a shrapnel explosion in Sri Lanka Although obviously tragic, what Jawbone, TX Colvin, although quite the el- in 2001 and wore an eye-patch ever does Colvin’s death mean to us here at A drove of mutant pigs seems to have evated individual, spent her youth since. She was a badass, but she didn’t the paper, and more importantly, to the taken a small town hostage in the Lone and young adulthood very much in do it to be a badass. She was there to Fordham community in general? Colvin Star State. Years of exposure to radio- the same way we do; she comes give all people fair and dignifi ed cov- sacrifi ced her life to bring people news active material, coupled with gulf-spill from Hunter, New York, and she erage. Her scars were not testaments of the truth, even when the truth was nourishment, resulted in hyper-intel- attended several different uni- of her individual experiences, but em- diffi cult to digest and act upon. We, ligent, blood-thirsty pigs, authorities versities in the tri-state area. She blems of the tragedies she worked to young and very lucky college students, say. The mutant pigs, which gave off was most infl uenced by a writing eradicate. aren’t always in touch with the suffer- an uncharacteristic glow after sunset, course she took at Yale taught by It would be an insult to Marie if her ing that surrounds us, whether it is managed to catch the entire town off- John Hersey, author of the land- death was reported without an expla- down the block in the Bronx or halfway guard by revolting during Sunday mass. mark account of the Hiroshima nation of the confl ict that she was cov- across the world in the Middle East. Although all communications with the bombing. She was called to jour- ering. Syrian president Bashar al-Assad With all the information available to us, town have been cut off, authorities in nalism and got her start at the (who had promised social reform in we are obliged to educate ourselves neighboring towns continue to receive New York Times police beat (with, I Syria during a period of false prom- about the plights our human brothers strips of human bacon for every day the imagine, hours and muted excited ises in 2000 known as “Damascus face, and investigate how we can help pigs’ regime remains in place. South similar to that of the paper news- Spring”) had, for over a decade, been them. Knowledge, we know, is the most Texas Nuclear Co. and BP have not room). withholding basic human rights from powerful tool. We can respect those been available for comment. So how did Colvin because the his Syrian citizens. A 2010 report from who fought to provide us this informa- -GM continent-traveling, border-infi l- the Human Rights Watch emphasizes tion by – in word, deed, and thought – trating, eye-patch-wearing, badass Assad’s shortcomings, including cen- acting upon it. march 7, 2012 the paper page 7 MAJOR SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE PULLS THE PLUG ON SELF HARM BLOGS by Mickie Meinhardt Tumblr takes a proactive step towards end- DEADITOR ing the glorification of self-mutilation Social media platform Tumblr ig- Thus, Tumblr’s decision to ban optimistic. For the most part, it won’t nited a fi restorm debate this past week these types of blogs seems like a fan- change anything. when they announced a change to tastic idea. However, many users and This isn’t just pessimism talking. their content policy prohibiting content readers, especially the operators of This comes from a young, Internet- that actively promotes “self-harm”, for popular thinspo blogs, are outraged, savvy undergraduate well aware of by Gibson Merrick, Peter Laceren- which there is an unsettlingly large crying for protection of their free how popular thinspo is in my demo- za, and John O’Neill number of sites. The graphic. Eating disorders are site operators have one no joke; 8 million Americans Pregnant Mainland Chinese Wom- week to remove the of- suffer from one, 7 million of en sneaking into Hong Kong to fending content or they them women. In my circle Have their children will be shut down. Tum- of friends, I know four girls Hong Kong is the place blr’s statement reads: who’ve struggled with an- Mainlander, have your baby “Our Content Policy orexia or bulimia in the past, Beware of arrests has not, until now, pro- and that doesn’t include the hibited blogs that ac- many I saw skip lunch on a Putin claims victory in Presidential tively promote self-harm. daily basis in high school. Race These typically take the Links to mild forms of thinspi- Another Putin win form of blogs that glo- ration sites have appeared So happy a single tear rify or promote anorexia, on my Facebook news feed down his cheating face bulimia, and other eat- MMeanteant fforor llookingooking uupp pporn,orn, more than once, posted by -GM ing disorders; self-muti- nnotot sself-harmelf-harm eencouragementncouragement beautiful girls who have no lation; or suicide. These need to lose weight yet feel Republican Senator Olympia Snow are messages and pressured by societal stan- Retires points of view that we strongly oppose, speech or claiming they are simply diet dards. And as a blogger in the fash- Maine Senator retires and don’t want to be hosting.” blogs and shouldn’t be punished. Even ion industry and an employee of a As does bipartisanship It’s defi nitely a step in the right di- more disconcerting, this problem won’t girl’s fashion and culture magazine, Chaos reigns, black earth rection. Since Tumblr promotes open be stopped just by Tumblr putting their models and their twiggy limbs and freedom of expression, people can foot down. When one social media door visible ribcages are daily topics of Keystone XL Pipeline begins con- generally put up whatever they want closes, another opens; already, there discussion. struction despite POTUS’ shelving and are not very strictly policed—the has been a surge in thinspo content Our culture bombards girls with TransCanada set site is huge, and it’s diffi cult to weed on the wildly popular image-sharing unrealistic body images. Magazines on creating the pipline out content that violates their policies— site Pinterest, on which a user creates Photoshop their covers to ridiculous What’s Global Warming? which allowed self-harm blog to grow themed boards on which they “pin” im- levels, creating literally unattain- and prosper. “Thinspiration”, or “thin- ages. Cue “pro-mia” boards with imag- able physiques that, despite be- Hank the Cat runs for VA Senate spo”, blogs are most popular: sites that es of bony hips and quotes like “Noth- ing completely unrealistic, become Meow meow meow meow meow promote dieting and weight loss to un- ing tastes as good as skinny feels” standards of beauty. Even if they Who’s da pussy now, ya bitch healthy extremes, many going so far as (infamously spoken by Kate Moss). know the photos are doctored and Take that George Allen to assert them- This is in addition to Word- the celebrities bodies airbrushed to -PL selves “pro-ana” “Eating disorders are no press, Blogspot, and the perfection, young girls still want to (pro-anorexia) or joke; 8 million Ameri- many other blogging plat- emulate them. Hence, eating disor- 7th advertiser pulls support for “pro-mia” (pro- cans suffer from one, 7 forms one can use to create ders. Recently, while watching TV, I Limbaugh bulemia), with a thinspiration website. commented on the gross thinness of Rush offends once again tips on throwing million of them women. Like many who see thin- an actress. A friend in the same room Not wise to discriminate up, eating as lit- In my circle of friends, I spiration as a deeply upset- responded, “She looks amazing!” A women are half of people tle as possible, know four girls who’ve ting phenomenon, I would Google search revealed rumors that and concealing like to view Tumblr’s content the actress was fl irting with eating Obama lets Israel know we have unnatural eating struggled with anorexia policy change as a move to- disorder issues. Unfortunately, dis- its back patterns from or bulimia” wards reducing pro-eating eased now means desired. Israel please feel free friends and fam- disorder presence on the Tumblr is giving self-harm blogs a to keep being total assholes ily. These sites, with names like “You Web. It will raise awareness, and has week to remove content. After that, we have got your backs Have To Eat Less To Lose Weight” or forced the media to shine a light on a any refusing to comply will be sus- -JO “Fatty on the Move”, are almost entire- dark corner of our culture that many pended or shut down. Though Tumblr ly female operated, and are “inspired” like to let grow undisturbed, like poi- will become thinspiration free, the In- by images of bony models or other girls sonous mold in an attic everyone is too ternet will not. Going viral isn’t always with similarly starving bodies. scared to go into. But I can’t be that a good thing. page 8 the paper march 7, 2012 NEW HAMPSHIRE GAY MARRIAGE LAW SET TO BE REPEALED by Maris Cuddeback State legislators explore the economic benefits of wasting copious STAFF FLORIDIAN amounts of time and money on attacking civil liberties On a cloudy afternoon this Febru- fact that men and women were created his timing either. Many of them think tion,” he said, according to The New ary, more than 200 people gathered for each other. "Other arrangements cutting spending should be the state’s York Times. outside of the New Hampshire state- are unnatural and incapable of sus- top concern. Adding to GOP discord, A recent poll by the University of house. Hovering over their heads were taining the human species," he said, the Republican body in New Hamp- New Hampshire Survey Center found picket signs emblazoned with “1 man according to the Associated Press. shire is dotted with libertarian-leaners, that 59% of respondents were at least + 1 woman = marriage.” The air was In addition to this dubious honor, who aren’t as keen as Bates on cutting somewhat opposed to the gay marriage charged with GOP angst. David Bates happens to be the spon- civil liberties. bill’s repeal, while only 32% said they A parade of Republican elected of- sor of a bill that would repeal New Despite all this disharmony, the supported repeal. To these fi ndings, fi cials took turns making unsurprising Hampshire’s law allowing gay mar- bill still has a fair chance of passing in Representative Bates responded, “It’s speeches. “Until the age riage, which has both the House and Senate, which both just not credible to suggest the people of loss of values and loss “A recent poll by the been in place for have sizable Republican majorities. of New Hampshire are the aberration of common sense, mar- University of New Hamp- two years. Since Should it pass, Governor John Lynch, a of the nation,” according to The New riage has been between a shire Survey Center the law’s installa- Democrat, has vowed to veto the bill, York Times. Another fi ne quote. man and a woman,” said tion, nearly 2000 and it’s doubtful the far-from-united At one point during the protest, Mr. state House speaker Wil- found that 59% of re- gay couples have New Hampshire Republicans can man- Bates held up to the crowd a fl yer from liam O’Brien. There wasn’t spondents were at least married in New age to round up an enough votes to Standing Up for New Hampshire fami- much of note besides an somewhat opposed to Hampshire, ac- override a veto. However, Bates has lies, a bipartisan group that supports overuse of call-and-re- cording to the promised he won’t give up his crusade, gay marriage. sponse and a few choice the gay marriage bill’s state division of and Lynch leaves offi ce this year. The “It says the marriage debate is over. quotes. repeal.” vital records. With bill’s prognosis is therefore iffy. It’s time to move on. Do you think this And when it comes a depressing job Representative Seth Cohn, a Re- debate is over?” to choice quotes, state Representa- market and a still-foundering economy, publican, isn’t a fan of the repeal. “I The crowd shouted back, “NO!” tive David Bates takes the cake. The many New Hampshirites are wondering think it’s going to backlash against the “I think it’s time to move back,” he Windham Republican told the crowd why Mr. Bates chose this time to reheat Republicans who, in the face of the said. It seems that the majority of New that there is no truth more self-evident a seemingly resolved issue. His fellow polls, are choosing not to believe the Hampshire doesn’t think so. under the federal Constitution than the Republicans can’t seem to answer for average person is O.K. with the situa- NEW YORK TEACHERS OUTRAGED BY EMPLOYEE EVALUATIONS by Hannah Weissenbuehler Methods of evaluation adovcated by the Department of Education STAFF UFT MEMBER questioned by educators and experts The $100,000 plus newspaper mine their tenure, job security, and els complicate the evaluation’s effec- ment to take the leading step in the campaign began last Friday. There are salary. In New York, this was done in tiveness – they miss demographic fac- reform of its system. Where the prob- complex formulas, checklists, and an only 18,000 of the city’s 75,000 public tors and special education status. lem lies is our emphasis on standard- open letter from the union president schools (not including New York’s char- The Education Department de- ized testing, when observation in the Michael Mulgrew. Mr Mulgrew said, ter schools). fended their approach claiming with it classroom could undoubtedly provide “The Department of Education should The reports were compiled not by they provided an objective (yet clearly a clear picture of teacher performance be ashamed of itself.” The headline observing teachers in the classroom, spotty) picture of “teacher effective- without the variable errors in the cur- reads “This Is No Way to Rate a Teach- but instead by the progress students ness.” However, with the concerns of rent mathematical formula. er!” Jolted by the New York City Edu- made on their standardized test mixed data and teacher confi dentiality Better, the new evaluation system cation Department’s recent release scores. Ideally, the statistics were to aside, the base of the problem here is agreed to by Governor Cuomo does of the 2007-2010 teachers’ rankings, be taken from students grades 4-8 in standard: whether or not standardized lessen the impact of student score New York’s teachers’ union, the United Math and English. For this to be ben- testing accurately refl ects the work and evaluation by 40% with the remain- Federation of Teachers, launched the efi cial in gauging teacher quality, the quality of a teacher. Where the topic ing 60% based on an unannounced ad as part of their advertising cam- results would be compared to the prior of public education reform seems tire- classroom observation. However, the paign rallying the reports. This after and following years. less and the Obama administration effects of the evaluations remain. Per- over a year of court struggle to halt But in the 2007-2010 rankings, pushes the notion in rival to Republi- sonally, taking the place of my high the release of the teacher evaluations some classrooms and teachers were can attempts to privatize education, school teachers, if my job was on the which feature the names and school of only recorded once. How this would be the release of the reports show ac- line when the high school math inval- each teacher under scrutiny. effective is not clear as the Education tual updates and possible dangers to id Hannah Weissenbuehler took her Offi cially, The Teacher Data Reports Department’s chief academic offi cer teachers and one of the largest school Math B Regents exam, I would push are intended to gauge each teacher’s Shael Polakow Suransky said, “the pur- systems in the nation. Despite the well past a $100,000 ad campaign to performance in order to provide them pose of these reports is not to look at overload of information and huge size fi ght against the image of teachers and feedback on their “effectiveness.” any individual score in isolation ever…” of New York City, it seems these factors schools produced by the 2007-2010 Their grade reports would then deter- Further, complex value-added mod- would inspire the Education Depart- standardized test based rankings. march 7, 2012 the paper page 9 London is far from quaint, but there is something about the city that has an air of refi nement. Perhaps it is the spot- less subway (or “metro”), free of dirt and crime. It may also be the Julliard- qualifi ed street performers. London has auditions for its sidewalk entertain- ment; in lieu of naked cowboys, you’ll fi nd string quartets and budding opera singers that will move you to tears with their rendition of “Ave Maria.” It could also be the fact that there seems to be no crazy people here. I wasn’t once told that god is our savior/that I am going to burn in hell, and even the most fi lthy homeless men are wearing Land’s End vests and looking up at you, saying, “Please ma’m, can I have summore?” Whatever the reason, I left areas like the Covent Garden feeling that things like Vanilla-scented hand cream and tea candles were necessities. As I looked out over the city in the Eye (a giant ferris wheel on the Thames), I decided that, thus far in my world travels, London could be my second favorite city. It may be gor- New York City is Still Number One geous and dripping with historical signifi cance, but it will never be New London’s Tear Jerking Beauty, Charm and Cleanliness Not Enough York. Maybe it’s because I was born in Queens or because I’ve wanted to be by Lauren Duca dle-of-fucking-nowhere rural, London exactly like what would happen if you Carrie Bradshaw since I was too young STAFF ABROAD was even more beautiful than the got your grandma drunk and gave her to be watching the soft core porn that train ride. Walking into Westminster a gift certifi cate to Anne Taylor Loft. At is “Sex and the City” on HBO, but NYC The train ride from Edinburgh to Abbey I was nearly brought to tears. one point, Anne started an emotional- will always be number one in my book. London alone was amazing. Green Yet I got over how breath-taking it was ly-charged speech about the incompe- Sure, London is cleaner, and the peo- shores overlooking a sparkling tur- when the audio guide said something tence of the current prime minister, but ple are maybe nicer, and most of the quoise ocean always have some sort about hoping the tour would, “deepen I lost interest when I remembered that time no one gets stabbed and/or raped of mythical quality about them. I have my pilgrimage through life.” After tak- her diatribe was on the subway. But never been so drawn to water with ing an obnoxious amount of photos of contributing to I think one-eyed absolutely zero desire to swim in it. Big Ben, I wandered off to the Cabinet a debate about women playing I stared out the windows feeling like War Rooms, where I quoted Winston scheduling. “Twinkle Twinkle everything was an optical illusion, as Churchill gratuitously and was remind- The only Little Star” on the the train moved too fast for my trigger- ed that “Keep Calm And Carry On” is other thing I band saw, who happy fi ngers to capture even a single a part of imperial war propaganda and was remotely might assault you, picture. For the fi rst time ever, I saw not just a poster that all girls who do disappointed by certainly didn’t get entirely black cows, and doubted my yoga seem to hang in their dorm rooms. in London was a permit to play, own maturity as I thought to myself, I remain fascinated with British his- Picadillly Circus. and probably have “This is where chocolate milk comes tory, but any interest I may have taken Mostly just be- rabies are nice ev- from.” Mesmerized by the scenery, I in government was shattered when I cause it was, in ery once in a while. was shocked when midway through the sat in on parliament. The few MPs pres- fact, not a literal So, reader, next ride we passed a trailer park. I imag- ent were having a passionate and heat- circus. Lulu (the time you cry home ined my prototypic TP resident (a tube- ed debate over…the schedule. About friend I stayed about a security top-clad blonde, perpetually smoking 9 men and 3 women sprawled out on with, who dou- BBessieessie Braddock:Braddock: “Sir,“Sir, youyou aarere alert, remember and/or pregnant) looking out at these green couches, and I couldn’t help bled as my infor- ddrunk.”runk.” that, while the views that would have made William but think, as government offi cials they mal tour guide) WWinstoninston Churchill:Churchill: “Madam,“Madam, iPhone task force Wordsworth himself cry. We have some should be seated in straight-backed, described it as yyouou aarere uugly.gly. IInn tthehe morning,morning, I is useless, you’re pretty jaw-dropping attractions in the uncomfortable, and preferably color- a “quaint Times sshallhall bebe sober”sober” currently lucky US, but the countryside in between is less chairs. While the men all wore the Square.” In con- enough to live in rarely enough to write poetry about and standard suit, the women were more stant search the Lauren Duca trailer parks most often overlook other questionably dressed– one wearing a of analogous New York areas and at- award winning, greatest city on earth. trailer parks. mini skirt I would have been sent home tractions, I thought that was a perfect Though urban as opposed to mid- for at Model UN and the other looking description. Holistically, of course, page 10 the paper march 7, 2012 Fordham: A Bunch of Confused White Folks A mixed race student reflects on the inherent tension and misunderstanding that results from a largely homogenous environment by Eamon Stewart up with this. fully proved my fears wrong and high- can be done about this? In the context I had thought about writing a piece lighted the root of what makes these of Fordham, as far as I can tell, the an- STAFF “SECRET MINORITY“ about the topic of race relations at problems so diffi cult to work through; swer is not much. These kinds of sloppy I can recall a conversation I had Fordham for a while, since before all if you’re not a member of one of these attitudes about race will exist whenev- with a friend a while back. We were the shit with the vandalism on the disenfranchised groups, you will never er there are an overwhelming number talking about an irritating student we door blew up. Me writing this isn’t en- understand what it’s like. It doesn’t of one particular race and not enough had in one of our mutual classes. My tirely reactionary, although at this point member how empathetic you think you of the other ones to go around. This friend asked if I knew where the annoy- it has to at least partially be. When I are or if you have a million friends who was true in the neighborhood I grew up ing classmate in question was from. found out that “the paper” would be are minorities. It doesn’t matter that in, but with the script fl ipped; this was I could remember at some point her tackling this topic, I assumed it would you think a place that mentioning being from Arizona, so I be in a kind of reverse proxy manner; that be- was lauded told my friend. His response, noting the lily-white writing platoon that usu- cause you for diversity, that and her Hispanic last name was ally makes up this publication covering once dated which frankly “Well that makes sense; she’s here be- an issue which affects minority stu- someone was a crock cause of her race.” Unsure of how to dents in the aggressive and ham-fi sted who was of shit. There respond to that, and considering my way that the paper a different were a lot of own heritage and “Maybe if I had been wear- covers everything race than black people my Puerto Rican (sorry guys, I mean you that (probably the mother, I decided ing a shirt with the Puerto this in the most you think most out- it was best to drop Rican flag while eating affectionate way, it proves dated bench- the subject. empanadas and blasting of course). Or to something. mark for di- She took it state it another It doesn’t, versity that upon herself to tell Daddy Yankee, she would’ve way, I thought it beyond people for me that she didn’t SStandingtanding atat 6’10”,6’10”, peoplepeople oftenoften deemed me appropriately might go down the that may- some reason fi nd me to be all mmistakenlyistakenly assumeassume BlakeBlake GrifGriffi n isis Hispanic.” same way it did be you still use), and that Hispanic. ppartart AAvatar.vatar. with all those guys have jun- not much Knowing what she meant, I pressed her testifying before Congress about con- gle fever of anything on it. She gave the wishy-washy bullshit traceptives and what women should (saucy!). You simply won’t have the else. Being one of the few non-black response I was expecting; something be doing with their bodies, but with all sensitivity to know what it’s like to be families where I lived, we were relegat- about well you know you don’t seem the white people at the paper and all one of these people, regardless of how ed to being white. I grew up hearing the a particular way. Right, the way you of the minority students at Fordham as open-minded or whatever it is you think occasional off-hand stupid comment think I should be. I didn’t satisfy you are. about race or perceived race at neigh- the white person’s expectations The issue of racial sensitivity isn’t borhood functions and dinner parties, of what a Latino should be. Maybe one that is caused by people of a and they were usually uttered by black if I had been wearing a shirt with particular value set, it’s pervasive ev- people. Because there wasn’t enough the Puerto Rican fl ag while eating erywhere. The person in the fi rst ex- of anything to call them out on it or empanadas and blasting Daddy ample I gave at the beginning of this challenge them, they went unchecked Yankee, she would’ve deemed me article freely admits to being conser- and that was that. At Fordham, this is appropriately Hispanic. vative in his political views and would of course working in the opposite way, I get asked about my race a lot be happy to see Obama not be re- magnifi ed and compressed because around Fordham. I don’t mind it; I elected. The person in the second of the sheer number of people, which don’t look a particular way to most example was involved in Occupy Wall is how we get things like idiots yelling people so it’s natural that they Street. So, don’t give me that demo- racial slurs at parties and writing them would be curious about it. What graphic bullshit that “this only comes on the door of an RA. But these things is far more infuriating is when from upper middle to upper class will persist; Fordham will continue to people make assumptions about white guys from Connecticut whose be a primarily white institution where what my race is. This happens a parents regularly donate to the Re- a black guy in class is assumed to be lot. And not just in the subtle ways EEamonamon StewartStewart iiss aangryngry tthathat publican party.” This is something on the football or basketball team. I I’ve mentioned; in addition to the ppeopleeople aassumessume allall PuertoPuerto RicansRicans that comes from all over, and people have no doubts this will continue to be usual beaner category of racial llookook tthishis goodgood inin a swimsuit.swimsuit. HeHe who argue otherwise are opportun- the status quo, and for students of all slurs, I’ve been called a kike and wworkedorked hhardard fforor thatthat body.body. ists who will use anything they can minority groups this will continue to be a sand nigger directly to my face, for a cheap shot. price we pay for choosing to go to this even though I’m not Jewish or Ara- So if the problem of blatant racist school. bic. I’ve been called this by fellow stand-ins. The open letter written by stupidity goes all the way back to igno- Fordham students, and I’m very obvi- the anonymous black student thank- rance of others and their feelings, what ously not the only one who’s had to put march 7, 2012 the paper page 11 The Case for Gender Neutral Bathrooms Ram Van Office implements single unit bathrooms with no gender specificity-Increases safety, privacy and comfort for everyone by Liam Lowery time (and really, what is more vulnera- provide any physical barrier to potential ble than exercising your bowels?) there predators, who can just as easily walk Man seeking to borrow mop, STAFF POTTY-MOUTH are also health issues. Trans* and GNC through an unlocked door that reads broom and bleach. Most people can walk into a public people may be forced to “hold it” which “women” as any other unlocked door. Bathroom situation out of bathroom without thinking about the can result in incontinence, constipa- Gender segregation in bathrooms does control. I’ll buy you a coke. Call: sign that reads “men” or “women” on tion, UTI’s, colon problems, and kidney not prevent sexual assault, and if any- (315) 882-6508 the door. But imagine for a moment infections. thing, provides an illusion of safety that that before using the bathroom, you It is also important to note that the is not true.” If we were, instead, to have are swept up with a panic because way we do bathrooms is pretty gross single bathrooms with good locks on Eager young male looking for you do not know if you will be beaten, and weird. I don’t know about you, the doors, the likelihood of women be- woman to take bath in jello. harassed, or arrested just for having but I’m not a fan of just trying to take ing assaulted would decrease dramati- I have several hundred jello to take a leak. When bathrooms say a leak next to someone who is hav- cally. powder packets, bathtub, and “men,” or “women” on their doors, that ing explosive diarrhea- especially not The battle for these kinds of bath- tub of cool whip ready. Must be when they are simultaneously having rooms does not often have a lot of suc- is the situation created for trans* and willing to sit in chilled water for a conversation with their companion cesses across the board, but especially gender non-conforming (GNC) people. several hours until jello takes In a situation where we have many in the stall next to them. Having bath- here at Fordham. Recently, though, the stalls in one bathroom, talk of “gen- rooms that are nothing more than in- Ram Van proved its common sense form. I will consume the jello, der neutrality” makes a lot of people dustrial poop-troughs has led to a lot and dedication to equality by establish- applicants need not enjoy the nervous. Notably, women often raise of weird bathroom culture, and a lot ing two individual stall, gender neutral taste of cherry. Call: (414) 810- the concern of sexual as- bathrooms. It all happened 8735 sault- what would happen if quietly, with only a brief vote a cisgender man claimed to at a staff meeting to help de- Mousy girl seeking friendship! OOhh sshit!hit! cide. At that point, people real- be a woman just to gain en- Please! try to the bathroom and as- ized another pro of individual, sault women? Talk of gender gender-neutral bathrooms- if I am a rather homely young lady neutral bathrooms extends one is occupied, you can just seeking platonic relationships further than just taking the use the other one and it is no with both male and female hu- signs off the doors, though. big deal. This small change mans. I enjoy public urination, It includes addressing a has made little to no impact long walks on moonlit beaches, culture where trans*men on the conveniences of bath- and the occasional occult gath- rooms use for cisgender peo- and trans*women in par- ering. Call: (414) 517-6705 ticular are acknowledged ple at the Ram Van offi ce, but as deviants- as though a as a trans*gender Ram Van trans*person would be more likely to of embarrassment. For people with employee it has meant that my comfort Weird guy seeks weirder girl. perpetrate a sexual assault, when in health issues, community bathrooms at work has increased dramatically. Ad- SWM looking for woman to fact the trans* and GNC community can be extremely unsafe as a site of ditionally, as a hub for traffi c between smother my back with Nair, faces a higher risk of sexual assault many contaminants, and embarrass- Fordham campuses and the outside wait around for a few days, then ing because everyone can hear what it world, I can now confi dently tell trans* than the national average. With gen- pluck one by one. der neutral bathrooms, a person who is they do in the bathroom. As individu- and GNC visitors to campus and fellow commits a crime in a bathroom would als, we should not be forced to witness students that there are gender neutral e-mail: [email protected] still be subject to arrest, but trans* and anyone’s bathroom habits but our own. bathrooms for them to use at Rose Hill. That is why the ideal situation for When asked about the repercus- “Having bathrooms that Desperately seeking spunky everyone would be to have individual sions of having gender-neutral bath- and eager individual willing to are nothing more than bathrooms with no gender specifi - rooms, Ram Van Administrator Scott work as my personal assistant. industrial poop-troughs cations. This way, trans*, GNC, and Kocher reported that there have been people with health issues would gain no complaints and that keeping the Preferably individual with back- has led to a lot of weird the amount of privacy necessary- and bathrooms gender neutral was the ground in debate and/or karate. bathroom culture, and a lot everyone else would have very few “simplest way to go about it.” With one Together, we can be heroes! of embarrassment.” changes to make. The only real con is small change that has not created any Call: (773) 763-4660 that this would result in slightly longer discontent among customers or em- waiting time. ployees, the Ram Van has begun the GNC people would not be subject to ar- Another thing to consider is that the move towards gender neutral bath- Are you looking for love in all one-bathroom, gender-neutral model rooms at Fordham. rest for using a bathroom that matches the wrong places? their gender identity instead of their would create a safer environment for anatomy. preventing sexual assault. As highlight- E-mail your classifi ed ad to: Aside from the obvious problems ed by trans* and GNC activist Dean [email protected] with not feelings safe at a vulnerable Spade, “Women’s bathrooms do not page 12 the paper march 7, 2012 solutions that suit all of our needs. Although our society is built on com- promise, why should we have to suffer because other regions don’t want the Sectional Healing same things as our own? I don’t mean The emergence of megaregions, extremism, and schism in the good to sound anti-patriotic, but wouldn’t it be in everyone’s best interest to con- ol’ US of A struct our society as they see fi t? In by Peter Lacerenza society that it is a wonder how we’ve cians to bridge the partisan gap. Not the face of growing international com- managed to stick together for all these only that, but it has only exacerbated petition and demand for change, we EXECUTIVE CO-EDITOR years. As history has the tendency to pre-existing tensions within our culture have been forced to pander on such I’ll admit it; Abraham Lincoln was repeat itself rather unapologetically, and media. subjects because of our different be- a pretty cool guy. After having eman- schism may very well be a reality in the Another reason for disunity—in ad- liefs. Although the idea of these United cipated the slaves, and defeating the years to come. dition to the dearth of bipartisan poli- States has been romanticized, it’s time last of the Confederate Army, Lincoln Although these problems have tics—is the United States’ size. While we consider how united we really are somehow managed to save the Union persisted for generations, it seems our country’s largess has certainly al- instead of how united our name says we know today. as though they have worsened in the lowed us a wealth of resources—as well we are. However, as the 150th anniver- last few years. At the root of this dis- as the largess of its citizens—the idea In the advent of such fragmenta- sary of the South’s surrender at the cord is the emergence of extremism of retrofi tting our aged, transcontinen- tion, where and how would we draw Appomattox Courthouse nears, true within our political spheres. While the tal networks is almost unfathomable. the lines? Although we tend to associ- solidarity remains a national myth. Al- left has more or less stuck with Barack It is imperative for to the future func- ate particular states with particular re- though Americans across the country Obama’s 2008 platform, the right tion of our society that we increase our gions, we need to rethink our borders; may have similar interests in preserv- seems to have broken with rationality effi ciency so that said improvements within the state of New York itself, we ing the ideals of our Founding Fathers, altogether. While one could argue that can be made. We can continue to envy see a clear divide between Upstate, the viewpoints from which said ideals Obamacare and other democratic poli- Japanese- or European-style transit New York City, Long Island, and the far- are interpreted remain highly sectional- cies are moving towards socialism, var- networks, but when politicians deny western regions, which more closely ized. I don’t mean to negate the impor- ious Republican nominees have pre- proposals for high-speed rail, or make identify with the Great Lakes Region. tance of American pluralism, In light of growing urban mega- for there is nothing wrong with regions like BosWash, existing diversity of thought, but growing state lines will become increas- polarization makes it painfully ingly arbitrary across the na- clear that we still don’t have the tion. Therefore, where we once same agendas. saw multi-state areas like the I’m well aware that my re- Wyoming-Colorado-New Mexico gional biases are embedded Front Range Metro region, dis- into my perception of section- tinction from the High Plains of alism. As a lifelong Northeast- Eastern Colorado and Wyoming, erner, I have been taught to per- as well as the the more rural, ceive my home region (which I mountainous regions to the understand to be futurist Her- west. Similarly, the Piedmont re- man Kahn’s “BosWash”-the gion (Atlanta, Charlotte, Green- urban agglomeration stretch- ville, Raleigh-Durham) will likely ing from Boston, to Washing- distinguish itself from the more ton, D.C.) as the proverbial rural areas to the north, and the brains behind the operation; it more conservative areas south is where the Protestant work of the region. ethic bloomed into capitalism, In addition, a national restruc- served as the original Melting I mmeanean I gguessuess thisthis wouldwould bebe turing would obviously need an Pot, and is our nation’s fi nan- iidealdeal alternative mean of governance. cial, political and intellectual While we could envision the hub. The Midwest and West emergence of city-states, vari- Coast shared similarities, but not the sented us with ideas that are one more diffi cult proposals for rejuvenating in- ous unions and republics where there South and the Plains; they were essen- chauvinistic or radically conservative frastructure, it really pits transit-depen- once was one nation, I am not in favor tially too different to compare. than the next (like disbanding the De- dent regions against regions whose of complete severance of ties. Despite There are obviously blaring stereo- partment of Education, and outlawing infrastructure is much newer and auto- our differences, we do share a mutual types and hostilities that persist on pornography). dependent. past that should always be respected. part of these taught differences. The The inherent hyper-conservative On top of this is, a plethora of other If schism is imminent, then perhaps we Northeast, according to some, is home sentiment can be attributed to none issues—marriage equality, decrimi- will one day fi nd a better way to accom- to the godless and elitist latte-sipping other than the Tea Party and its sen- nalization and medicalization of mari- modate everyone’s needs. Until then, Yankee liberals, but we’d just as easily sationalist rabble rousing. Such devel- juana, contraception, and the environ- we should at least try to play nice. point out the bigoted, Bible-thumping opments have already deepened red ment—have soured national relations. rednecks in the South. This sort of re- state/blue state mentalities, and will Because the United States is so over- gional tit-for-tat is so ingrained in our only make it more diffi cult for politi- extended, it seems we cannot reach march 7, 2012 the paper page 13 A Call To Community A Letter to the Editor: Don’t stop being proud the paper’s view of who you are march 7, 2012 by Patrick Damon cracked and my spirit ran dry. But my Daddy Mac Rides Again sophomore year I left PRIDE Alliance. In the February 22 issue of the In the e-mail, Father McShane STAFF SILENCED I came to realize that it was an awful I am shocked and abhorred by paper, students voiced frustration did not try to minimalize whether or situation where all of the support for the e-mails I have been receiving from and hurt at the Fordham administra- not bigotry exists at Fordham; he di- the LGBT+ students essentially came Fordham. Not just because someone tion for its insuffi cient response to rectly confronts and condemns the from a single group. I wondered why blatantly used hateful and downright the February 7 racial slur incident. incidents, declaring, “No one should Fordham wouldn’t buck up and take inhuman language to defi le a door, and Since that issue went to print, there be marginalized nor demeaned in responsibility for making all students likewise the spirit of one of our fellow have been updates in the case, from such a way, and I hold out the great- feel safe. family members. Not because Ford- new racist and homophobic graffi ti est contempt for anyone who would Eventually, I left Rose Hill. I left ham references the rules, shakes their appearing—or, perhaps, fi nally being intentionally infl ict that pain on an- because one day I had a phone in my fi nger and says ‘Now, now children, play reported—at both Lincoln Center at other human being. Disgust, in fact, hand and the number to the Trevor nice’. But because it has happened be- Rose Hill (see page 5) to Town Hall is what I feel in contemplating these Project punched in. I left because fore. It happened to me. meetings with laughable attendance attacks.” He continued, “These ac- I was silenced. I left because I had I am a gay student, and I have to, most recently, an offi cial message tions hurt everyone, without distinc- thoughts about been a victim from President Joseph McShane, S.J. tion between intended victim, perpe- not wanting to of hateful dis- You might assume that a fi gure- trator, and bystanders. Each of these have to live in crimination at head like Father McShane would despicable slurs is a stain on the a world where Fordham Uni- symbolize all we groan about at the Fordham community, and on each I was made versity, and paper, from the caf food to the check- of its members,” all of which were to feel subhu- not a damn in policy to, oh yeah, the rampant sentiments shared by concerned stu- man, because thing was done racism, sexism, and homophobia. dents following the incidents. Father I was not what about it. When As every good little Ram knows, all McShane is mad as hell and he isn’t the community I was a fresh- of Fordham’s choices are made by going to take it anymore. felt was nor- man, during my The Bad Decision Robot, a high-tech The email is the strong, passion- mal. I left while fi rst fl oor meet- yet low-quality machine wreacking ate response many Fordham stu- others were ing, my RAs havoc here since the days of William dents wanted in the fi rst place. Still, taking their had an event Rodrigue; McShane has the power to we wonder, will this administrative lives. where the pull its plug. success actually inspire change at I cried the members of Still, we at the paper love Daddy Fordham? One email cannot heal day I left. Not the fl oor could Mac. He is friendly! He has a mus- an institutional culture of silence—a because I was shout out rules tache! He memorizes the name, face, culture that cannot solely be blamed sad to leave, for the fl oor. and major of every senior so he can on students. For instance, it is in- but because I There was a WWe.e. Are.Are. Fordham.Fordham. personally encourage you to donate credibly disappointing that only two knew that I had side comment money once you graduate! Even his students (not including RAs) went to not changed at one point attachment to U2’s 2009 perfor- the Walsh Town Hall, but the failure a damn thing. of ‘Don’t be a mance here is adorable: When he doesn’t solely fall on students. The Because I was alone. fag’, to which I replied ‘Don’t use hate- talks at freshman about the Spring Offi ce of Residential Life scheduled I am sick of being ignored by the ful, derogatory language’. The RAs Weekend performance and they have the planning meeting for the Febru- University time and time again. But were shocked, and had no clue how to literally no idea what he’s talking ary 22 Town Hall at 5 PM on February moreover, I am sick of my brothers handle the situation. On top of that, I about, he becomes Fordham’s Grand- 22, just two hours before the event. and sisters feeling like they are going had outed myself to my colleagues. pa. Because of its lackluster sports Considering they offi cially announced through these things alone. No matter Throughout the year I was harassed culture (which is slightly improving… the Town Hall on February 17, this what your race, gender, sexuality, color, through anonymous posts online, way to go, y’all!), Fordham doesn’t last-minute planning not only refl ects or creed may be, you are not alone. through notes on my door, and by peo- have a beloved fi gure like Coach K or poor management, but a lack of care. It is high time we stopped dividing ple screaming “faggot” down the hall- a JoPa (luckily?), so Father McShane As a result of this slap shod attitude, ourselves into the gays, blacks, latinos, way at 8 in the morning. Fordham held fi lls that Coach Taylor sized hole in our Town Halls like this have been fl imsy women, men, whites, or whatever com- a meeting for that last one. “Don’t use hearts. bandaids on gaping cultural wounds. munity you feel that you fi t in. Because hate speech” they said as they wagged When we received McShane’s We hope McShane’s email in- that is wrong. You shouldn’t feel like their fi nger. Unfortunately it is currently email, we remembered again why we spired students, but just as impor- THAT is your community. Fordham is socially acceptable to say such things loved him. Sure, he’s out of touch—he tantly we hope it inspires administra- OUR community. I want the person who such as as “That’s so gay”, or “Dude, probably didn’t even hear about the tors to get themselves together and had their door defaced to know that don’t be a fag.” I used to openly op- incidents until late last week—and is start treating these incidents more they are not alone. I am here for you pose it; if I had to, I was going to be fi ltered through the university’s well seriously. The turnout at this Thurs- and I feel your pain. And so help me, I the martyr that changed the school paid legal team, but he has that spe- day’s 2:30 PM vigil will be the next will stand up with anyone who has the for the better. I joined PRIDE Alliance, cial skill of cutting through a lot of the test for Fordham’s administration and tenacity to say enough is enough. Fordham’s only LGBTQ focused group. bureaucratic crap and preaching the student body. We’ll see you there. We are Fordham. We want change. I yelled and I screamed until my voice truth, Jesuit-style. page 14 the paper march 7, 2012 imagine anyone actually has these ex- pectations, I’m not sure what else to Comparing Apples and Oranges think when I stumble upon holier-than- thou attitudes that insinuate a superfi - Celebrity deaths tend to trigger misguided anger and frustration over ciality or ignorance among those who choose to acknowledge the death of a lack of recognition for fallen troops celebrity via Facebook or Twitter. More- by Will Speros over, why should anyone care enough passing, and I fi nd that someone has their patriotism. about their newsfeed overfl owing with ARTS CO-EDITOR decided to bring up the military. These I agree that we should not put ce- redundant mournful statuses that they I won’t pretend that I have been statuses and tweets occasionally in- lebrities or athletes on a pedestal, and feel a need to act out in such a way. some die-hard Whitney Houston fan my volve photos of the brave men and I often make an effort not to do so. But I am well aware that these defensive entire life, because I’ve never actually women boldly serving our nation with to certain varying degrees, we all do. patriotic reactions are in no way hateful been a fan of hers. While news of her an attached comment reading some- Even those who feel a need to combat or malicious, but I struggle to fully un- untimely death was defi nitely upsetting, thing like, “Tell me again how *any dead a grieving status regarding a celeb with derstand what purpose they are serv- I was not crippled with sadness the way celebrity* inspires you and is a hero.” unrelated profession of patriotism. ing. I know that the men and women some of her fans were. Naturally, Face- There is absolutely nothing wrong with Some reactions to celebrity deaths can killed overseas fi ghting for our freedom book and Twitter were abuzz with peo- these comments; everyone is entitled be very dramatic and over the top, but are truly more heroic than any singer ple professing their lifelong love or ha- to their opinions, and on these social these deaths have sometimes brought or actor will ever actually be, but com- tred for her, networking sites we all use, people are up important issues. The passings of paring one to the other is pointless be- complete free to post al- Amy Winehouse cause they with a vari- most whatever and Whitney are so radi- ety of links they want. Houston both cally differ- to her music I am in no brought to light ent. If you videos and way anti-mili- the issue of sub- feel so com- live perfor- tary. Not in the stance abuse pelled to mances. slightest The and its fatal post a link Nowadays honorable men consequences. to a Davy whenever and women It is tragic that Jones song a celebrity who serve and these women or to post a passes, so- fi ght for our were not only status pro- cial network- country are in- unable to over- fessing your ing sites are credible peo- come their ad- undying used as a ple, and words dictions, but support and medium for cannot express also that their love for our people to just how much I legacies as mu- troops, by all grieve/ex- value the sacri- sical talents will means go press their fi ces they make likely be over- ahead be- opinion on for us every sin- shadowed by cause that the topic, gle day. When their struggles is exactly which is fi ne because these sites are some people decide to bring our troops with drugs and alcohol. These deaths what social networking is for. Although designed for just such activity. into unrelated discussions, it can often are of great importance because they I must say, donating a piece of one’s However, there is a consistent reac- feel presumptuous, like someone who demonstrate to younger generations Facebook or one’s time to celebrating tion on these sites in response to some decides to post a status as a tribute to just how damaging addiction can be. the passing of a deceased celebrity deaths that for one reason or another a dead celebrity is in some way unpatri- Our troops die everyday doing hero- does not make one less of a patriot, always irks me. otic. These two topics are so obviously ic things for our country, so it is utterly the same way posting a combatant I am always caught off guard when unrelated and I’m not exactly sure why impossible to give every one of our ser- military-endorsing response does not I’m scrolling through a series of tweets some folks constantly feel a need dur- vicemen/servicewomen the individual make one more of a patriot. responding to a certain celebrity’s ing these times to remind the world of attention they so deserve. While I can’t march 7, 2012 the paper page 15 act, where it segues into creative pro- fessionalism. While interviews with producers, professors, and artists def- initely fi t the tone of the fi lm, this act becomes obsessed with those who design advertisements, who I know are valid artists—my long list of very talented friends who make their liv- ing in the graphic design fi eld would kill me to say anything otherwise— but raise a question about how will art be monetized without the “indus- try,” something that the fi lm does not touch. Consider Shilo fi lm production company, the star of the second act. Innovative documentary gives substance According to its founders, who wear Steal This Movie black sweatshirts, Vans, and half by Marisa Carroll to stoned debates about the Internet age shaved hairdos, Shilo is “like a tradi- many of those interviewed go on to ex- critics—as older white male technolo- EDITOR-IN-CHIEF tional production company but comes plain, of course it does—with technol- gist David Weinberger points out, at it from an untraditional sort of Last week, I read critic Tom ogy becoming cheaper and more user- many of the Doomsayers have benefi t- way…Almost the entirety of our shop VanDerWerff’s “Patience and piracy: friendly every year, an unpolished shot ed from the “old way of doing things.” comes from skateboarding and we all Why helping yourself hurts good TV.” is stranger these days than a visually He says, “Since the means of produc- started from seeing the world through He argues that, because of premium gripping one. tion were so expensive, very few artists that lens.” To which the other founder networks’ subscriber-based relation- The fi lmmakers interviewed at could be brought through it…so some- adds, “We’re people with the essence ship with cable providers, canceling least fi fty of the “world’s most infl uen- one else [was] making your decisions of who cares what the man says, who your cable and pirating their shows tial creators of the digital era,” a tag- [about which art was mass-produced] cares what the world says, you just go does not only hurt HBO execs, but line that sounds like a bluff but holds with a very limited range of taste and out and skate.” Which is cool, bros, it also hurts yourself as a viewer. If true. The fi lm features innovators from ideas, and typically it’s been represen- but you are making ads for Olay Body- HBO loses subscribers—receiving less critics like Godin, Dave Weinberger, tative of particular self-empowered wash and UnderArmour. That Nike ad money from cable providers as a re- Amy Phillips, and Chris Weingarten to groups’ [taste and ideas]…it’s typical- was cool, but your “Fuck the Man” art sult—there is suddenly less capital artists like Robyn, Lykke Li, Hot Chip, ly white guys who tell us what’s going is just a conduit for a company that to- and more risk involved in making cut- Lena Dunham, and Bill Drummond to into the museums or the front page ting-edge programming. If you pirate tally is the Man. Of course, musicians the fi rst season of “Game of Thrones,” or fi lmmakers or TV showrunners are VanDerWerff suggests, there will be also making deals with the ad devil, no third season for you to pirate—or, if but that doesn’t seem as fl amboyantly there is, it might not be any good. problematic as these skateboarders What the documentary “Press- shilling Nike ads. I wonder if the death PausePlay” proposes, then un-propos- of the established capitalist force of es, then proposes, is who cares if HBO the “industry” will make consumer- changes. Art fi nds a way (–Jeff Gold- capitalism melt into even the most blum, if he was interviewed for this counter-cultural artistic communities. movie). As Seth Godin, critic and best- Shilo seems to represent that trend. selling author, says in the fi rst act, “Art I wonder what this will mean for my has been around for a very long time, peers, so many of whom are talented but it’s only in the past 50 years that kids who want to “make art” but don’t know what paths to follow and end there’s been an industry—the music those in between like Moby, USC fi lm of the newspapers.” To its credit, the up competing for unpaid internships ‘industry,’ the movie ‘industry’—that’s professors, advertising execs, and fi lm does not fall in favor of any side of where their greatest task is reblog- new.” After explaining how giving away Keith Harris. There are a few camps the debate. It gives those interviewed ging “viral” Pepsi ads. In its third act, his book “Unleashing the Idea Virus” established in the fi lm and, looking space to sort out their ideas, and as a PressPausePlay emphasizes the value for free online led to it becoming his back, their demographics aren’t in- result is more affecting on the whole. I of live music as a tool to reestablish most popular and, ultimately, lucrative credibly surprising. Most of the criti- have watched the fi lm twice now, and unique, lived experiences as part of book, he says, “With just a laptop and cism of new media comes from older while I’ve meditated on a few talking the music world, something that’s the internet, I made more money from white men like Andrew Keen, who pre- heads’ particular critiques, contem- lost when everyone can easily down- the book I gave away from the book I dicts that we are about to enter a new plating PressPausePlay has primarily load an artist’s entire catalogue and had sold. The lesson is: This changes “dark ages” in art because, as fellow opened myself up to ideas I never be- be considered a “super fan.” Maybe everything. The industry is dead.” Debbie Downer Moby says, there will fore considered that aren’t even men- the same can be done for other art Determining whether or not the “in- be so much mediocre art produced tioned in the fi lm itself. In a way, it is a forms; the success of “pay for the con- dustry” is dead is the driving question that we will become content with me- pointillist piece: If you get too wrapped tent you want” projects like premium behind “PressPausePlay”, a documen- diocrity. up in an individual’s arguments, you podcasts and Kickstarter suggest this tary by the Swedish creative agency While these concerns are valid— miss the bigger picture. may be possible. House of Radon available for free on and are also voiced by some younger The fi lm falters a bit in the second Vimeo. The fi lm looks beautiful but, as page 16 the paper march 7, 2012 5 Questions With the Remarkable Nomsa Mazwai Award-winning musician/student on economics, music and life by the paper do to change it is possible in my P: How has your time in the US STAFF OF MILLIONS SEVERAL mind with what I have been learning affected your aesthetics or politics? What: Cruel and Unusual Comedy, Just looking at the credentials of especially in the IPED program at Are you producing different kinds of Part 3: Selections from the Eye Film Nomsa Mazwai is daunting. Hailing Fordham and with my music which work as a result of your time here, Institute, The Netherlands from Eastern Cape, South Africa, has been within me since birth. or has it made you even feel an even Where: MoMa, 11 West 53rd Street Mazwai is hot off the success of her P: We were surprised to learn that you stronger connected to your South When: March 15-28 2011 album ,“Nomisupasta”, which are pursuing your MA in economics. African roots? How Much: $14 w/ student ID won the South African Music Award That surprise might say more about M: Being in the US I fi nally Why: The European comedians for Best Adult Alternative African my limited, very American defi nition understand how the machinery of featured in this exhibit were Music. Interestingly enough, the next generating laughs from as early step for the Fullbright scholar was as 1908, long before Keaton or to enroll at our very own Fordham Chaplin won over audiences with University and pursue a Master’s their revolutionary comedy. Finally Degree in Economics. Mazwai was accessible after 90 years thanks to courteous enough to answer some major preservation efforts, these of our questions regarding her silent comedies, edgy and inspiring, fascinating life. showcase a wide variety of early The Paper: Nomsa, you are an European slapstick. These fi lms will incredibly prolifi c person—you’ve also feature live accompaniment, been described as a poet, Fulbright making this an even sweeter deal. Scholar, economist, activist, producer, youth leader, and, of What: Rylands Haggadah: Medieval course, an award-winning musician. Jewish Art in Context How would you describe “what you Where: The Met, 1000 5th Avenue do” in one sentence? When: March 27-September 30 Mazwai: I’m just a soul travelling, How Much: $12 w/ student ID learning, reading, experiencing Why: Highlighting the ancient and doing. The world is complex Israelites’ fl ight from Egypt, this and what we can do to change our exhibition is the third in a series material condition is what we can showcasing the Exodus. This latest imagine and what we can do. installation from Manchester, P: You self-produced your debut England features works originally album, “Nomisupasta”, and received intended for Christian audiences, great acclaim for it. But, from what despite the art work’s heavily we’ve gathered, you were already a Hebrew infl uence. This exhibition known fi gure in South Africa before of Medieval biblical storytelling that time as a youth leader and poet. through various artistic mediums What inspired you to take the leap is expected to be an exceptional into the music industry by releasing experience. an album? M: It just seemed like the next step of “artist” than anything else, but we capital operates, how it has become a What: St. Patrick’s Day! on a journey. I didn’t know what wonder how you ended up in that fi eld living organism in our world and how Where: EVERYWHERE would come of it, but I knew it was and how it informs your art? it can be infl uenced and ultimately When: Saturday, 03/17 ALL DAY something that I had to do. M: Why is that we always have to amended to deliver to the masses. How Much: Depends... P: Your songs tackle big issues like be something? You wake up in the New York is such an amazing city, I Why: Why the cost depends is capitalist oppression, unhealthy morning, you become a commuter, have learnt so much, this time in the because this day can get pretty relationships, and racism without then a worker, then a passenger, US, at Fordham and in NY will forever expensive especially if you want coming across as “preachy”—the always something. I believe we are be present in my music and my to take part in the bar crawl. Your musicality remains front and beings, on this planet, part of a cycle workings. wallet may be empty by the end of center. When writing a song like bigger than ourselves and sometimes Mazwai will be performing on Fri- it, but you will be fi lled with cheap, “Cockroaches Fly,” for instance, how you just have to do what feels right. day March 9 at DROM NYC located at watered-down beer. However, do you draw the line between being a Economics is something I need to 85 Avenue A. Tickets are $10 online there are many other cheaper musician and an activist? understand to be able to impact the and $15 at the door, and if you bring options available to you on this. Go M: These are the challenges I am economic condition of the poor in my this copy of “the paper” to the venue, check out a parade, see a Celtic facing in life. I worked in development country. My music is my art and how you can receive her album for a dis- dance concert, go to an Irish pub. in South Africa, experienced poverty, I can communicate complex ideas counted price! Nomsa Mazwai’s mu- Whatever you do though, remember, knew it like it was my skin and I knew in an understandable, accessible, sic can also be heard at nomisupasta. wear green! then like I know now that what I can tangible manner. bandcamp.com march 7, 2012 the paper page 17 I Didn’t Get The Memo To Bring My Backpack To The Corrosion of Old guys C.O.C. headline concert that Conformity Show highlights diversity in Heavy Metal, or to- tal lack thereof Who: Justice by Eamon Stewart Where: Terminal 5, 610 W 56th St more conventional sounding metal. I and played cleanly. These guys don’t When: Friday, 03/16 @ 8:00 pm STAFF HEADBANGER wondered if a C.O.C. concert would fuck up live; it’s impressive to see that How Much: $40 see them revert to their roots or if they level of musicianship carry over from There isn’t a genre of music that Why: If you don’t like Justice, would play the music that had gotten the studio. And they sounded happy, sets itself up for punchlines in quite something seriously is wrong with them popular and signed to Columbia in addition to being fucking heavy. It the way that metal does. The fact you. Like, seriously. The Frech Records. was cool, they were cool, and it was a that the throwback ultimate “metal” electronic pop duo is going to be But before we got to them, there good mix-up from the previous two per- look also happened to be the ultimate gracing New York with their pres- were three support acts that did their formances. throwback “gay” look (which I guess is ence, and we should be thankful! damnedest to give credence to the Then there was C.O.C., last but cer- why no one noticed that the dude from They’ll be performing a myriad of argument that metal needs all these tainly not least. Their live set followed Judas Priest was gay). The fact that tracks, but mostly their recent hits subgenres. The fi rst band, A Storm that of their recording career, begin- a guy’s metal credentials can usually like “Civilization” and “Audio, Video, of Light, was what I would refer to as ning with energy, some surprises and be tied directly to how much black he Disco”, making this show sure to “sad Angry Metal” and makes me twists before getting blander as their wears and his ability to grow the kinds be a treat. If you have the money to think of the word “brooding”. The riffs music normalized. Things began with of facial hair usually reserved for the spend go. GO NOW! Well, you can’t were slow and loud, the vocals kind of the crossover, and they played it with a homeless. The fact that a band like actually go now since the show isn’t muffl ed and sorrowful sounding, every- deftness and technical profi ciency that Gwar exists and has fans. In the realm til a week and half, but you can thing dragged on for a long time. The was kind of stunning. The odd-time sig- of music criticism, the insults that can buy your ticket. So go buy! Buy your backdrop featured footage of what I’m natures, switches in tempo, gaps be- be hurled at metal music and its fans ticket NOW! are certainly unique and many would assuming they took from that epic His- tween maximum volume and silence, tory Channel special on the Vietnam all sounded fantastic. After a few be hard pressed to fi nd comparable cri- Who: First Aid Kit War that came out a few months back. songs I fi gured we were in for a treat. tiques in other genres of music. Where: Webster Hall, 125 E 11th St Did I mention the stage was shrouded And then they slowed down, things got But the ridicule of metal that is clos- When: Wednesday, 3/28, 8:00 pm in darkness? No, but you probably kind of sloppy, and the music they were est to my heart concerns the obsessive How Much: $20 could’ve guessed that. Opening things playing got kind of boring. I looked categorization and sub categorization Why: All the way from Stockholm, up with sinister, dark, scary metal, not around, there wasn’t a mosh pit. Most of different kinds of metal music. The these Swedish songbirds have been bad at all. of the audience was standing around thing about heavy metal is that it is a a popular folk act since their 2008 Next came Valient Thorr, of the drinking beer. I don’t blame them; we genre of music that has a large follow- debut. Highly praised for their drunk southern metal variety. They weren’t getting the big bad metal we ing among nerds, and these people ex- unique songwriting and harmonies, were a party band – a giant contrast to thought we were in for, that they had pect the same order and structure that Klara and Johanna Söderberg’s are what had preceded them. They played teased us with early on. A lot of people their displays of Warhammer 40000 a talent that will not disappoint. loud fast frivolous stuff that was fun, had brought backpacks to this concert; fi gurines have to apply to the adjectives The lovely innocence of their voices and had a lead singer who got the par- I don’t know when Jansport became that pertain to their music tastes. This is like a spring day that will lift ty going. He looked like an occult lead- fucking metal, but clearly I’m not pay- is how we wind up with things like ston- your mood and entrance you. This er, drank on stage, did pushups, de- ing enough attention. Some of these er-sludge-doom metal, or black metal promises to be a fun evening full scended into the audience and made people started fumbling around with with death-type vocals, or symphonic- of elegant, well-crafted folk tunes. everyone around him sit on the fl oor their bags, as if to have something to Norwegian-folk metal that has power Peggy Sue opens. metal fl ourishes with technical Gothic with him, and at one point mumbled do. I’m assuming there was an encore something incoherent about Mitt Rom- but I’m not sure, I didn’t bother to stay. voc—WAIT WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN Who: Rachael Yamagata ney. To my knowledge I’ve never been I’m not sure what exactly went TALKING ABOUT? There’s also post- Where: Music Hall of Williamsburg, in the presence of someone on meth, wrong. Maybe I was a little fatigued metal, a term that I don’t understand 66 North 6th Street so I wouldn’t know for sure, but this guy from the other bands. Maybe C.O.C. at all but it’s starting to be replaced by When: Wednesday, 4/04, 8:00 pm sure seemed like a person bingeing on really did just taper off that badly mid- the even more stupid sounding “Steel”. How Much: $25 the preferred drug of people who like concert. Maybe everyone’s backpacks Metalheads are the best. Why: Rachael Yamagata’s gentle, ingesting cleaning products. Big loud really were that interesting. Regard- Corrosion of Conformity is one of soothing voice and style have stupid rock n roll, it works and you less, the night was not a failure. The those bands whose sound makes met- steadily been gaining notoriety won’t remember this band as soon as other bands were fun, and they each al types jizz all over their leather pants. since her hit 2008 LP “Elephants”. they leave the stage. sounded different and left an imprint The “crossover” sound, a mix of punk A fascinating combination of Fiona After that was Torche, one of my fa- in their own way. It makes me wonder: and metal, that the band was a huge Apple and Regina Spektor, Yamaga- vorite bands going these days. They’re maybe the metal geeks are really on to part of creating, have spawned all ta’s music manages to be both thrash, but they have a weirdly optimis- something. Maybe there really is that- types of strange subgenres and mixing beautiful and remarkably deep. For tic sound to them. Maybe it’s because much divergence in the music, that of the styles, with varying results. It’s an interesting change of pace, be their frontman is a fat gay guy from these subgenres are useful. Or maybe a sound that they themselves didn’t sure to check out this enticing and Miami who happens to enjoy shred- they really just need something better stay loyal to. As they grew in popular- very talented act. Madi Diaz opens. ity, they largely dumped crossover for ding. Maybe it isn’t, what do I know? to do with their time. Regardless, they were tight, energetic, page 18 the paper march 7, 2012 A Manhattan Korean Barbecue Restaurant You Can Believe In Sit back, relax, and prepare to cook your own food at this uncoventional restaurant by Gibson Merrick the restaurant is tucked away in this and you cook it yourself, though this to ask for some ssamjang (a spicy red small plaza and is easy to miss if you’re only applies to maybe half of the menu paste) and some sesame oil with salt NEWS CO-EDITOR not paying attention; my friend and I I’d say. Feel free to order dishes rather and pepper--both add A LOT to the din- Looking to break into the Korean went in the wrong door too, getting lost than just the meats. This is awesome ner. BBQ scene, but paralyzed by your inex- in the depths of a swanky apartment for a number of reasons: you can bring Going in, it might seem like a lot to perience? Allow me to assist! This past building before realizing our mistake. your BBQ ego, the meal is more satisfy- take in. Feel free to cheat like we did week, some friends and I were treated But I digress. One thing to note is that ing, and you don’t have to worry about and bring a Korean friend. Just know to a really cool restaurant in Manhat- you’ll defi nitely want to make a reserva- someone at your table embarrassing going in that the dinner is going to be tan called Bann, the self-proclaimed tion. We arrived early for a 7PM reser- you when they harass the waiter about on the pricey side--the cheapest thing “premier Korean restaurant in New vation and still wound up waiting a half how cooked/uncooked their meat is. you can buy is a $10 appetizer, most York City.” Located at 350 W. 50th St., hour, so I don’t want to think about how And did I mention said meat is deli- dishes cost about $25, and the most between 8th and 9th Avenues, Bann long you’d be waiting without one. cious? You can choose from marinated expensive platter is $110. In other offers a bar, tables with grills on them, When you’re seated, you’ll no doubt fi let mignon, strip steak, pork, chicken, words, you’re probably not going to and a laid-back atmosphere, all for a notice the small grills on the table duck (my personal recommendation), make a habit of dining at the place moderate amount of cash money. that’ll be cooking your food. Bann isn’t and a few more. Alongside meats, you regularly. However, if your wallet is a Before visiting Bann, I had never like those other restaurants where can order from a number of appetizers little thick, your parents are coming to eaten Korean Barbecue, so forgive chefs cook your food for you, wheth- (get the Duk Bok Gi, it’s worth it), and town, or you’re looking for a place to the horrible cliché when I say I didn’t er in the kitchen or in front of you. In your meal comes with rice and really take your hot date, you can’t do better know what to expect. Finding the place Bann, chefs deliver the prepared food, good salad. For condiments, be sure than Bann. proved to be something of a challenge; Hilarity Takes Backseat to Humility on The Chris Gethard Show by Chole Rickert NYC comedy talk show host dispells misconception that all STAFF OPTIMIST comedians are misanthropes In this cold, cold world, we need of television amazing, giving human her gratitude as each visitor gave her a miss what’s on television.” That night people like Chris Gethard to bring the beings. He surprised Alyssa with vis- gift and agreed with Gethard when he though, I left the house to experience warm and fuzzies to our lives. This ac- its from comedian Joe Mande, Colleg- said, “I hope your wedding can top this what was on television and it was a tor/comedian/writer extraordinaire eHumor’s Jeff Rubin, “30 Rock” actors shit. I doubt it.” lovely clusterfuck of hilarious peo- and close personal friend of Sean Grizz Chapman and Jack McBrayer, “The Chris Gethard Show” is ec- ple being hilarious together, passing ‘Diddy’ Combs has a weekly public “30 Rock” writer Kay Cannon, Chuck centric to say the least. Zachary Levi around fruit, and singing. access show on Manhattan Neighbor- star Zachary Levi, and was invited to I met Chris briefl y after the show hood Network every Wednesday at “Saturday Night Live” the show as and told him how much I enjoyed it. 11PM that you should be watching if star Bobby Moynihan. something Kay Seeing how kind and thankful he is you aren’t already. When “The Chris He also read a bizarre Cannon was do- in person and then watching him give Gethard Show” shifted from a staged letter from “Delocat- ing that night a young girl a dream trip to New York talk show at UCB Theater to a live ed” creator Jon Gla- but couldn’t re- City and a chance to meet her heroes, broadcast – which also started stream- ser, who additionally ally explain and I honestly found him inspirational. That ing online in July of last year – people dropped off a Subway Gethard often really hit home when I read his blog started calling into the show. One of foot-long, showed a brings up how post the next day which expressed the these people was a 15-year-old “com- video from Tina Fey strange “the cheesy message I got from the show: edy nerd” named Alyssa. She became giving a tour of Liz show with his “One of the lyrics from [Ted Leo’s] song acquainted with Gethard through vari- Lemon’s offi ce specif- name on it” “Bottled in Cork” probably sums up the ous social networking sites, like Twit- ically for Alyssa, and is. There are night: a little goodwill goes a mighty ter and Facebook, and called in nearly I ccan’tan’t believebelieve I’veI’ve gotgot a TTVV sshowhow answered a call-in regular mem- long way. I hope that’s true. There is every week, receiving her own theme nnamedamed afterafter me...I’mme...I’m soso fuckingfucking from Seth Meyers. Ted bers like the never ever any harm in being nice to song: “Checking in With Alyssa”. Alys- aawesome.”wesome.” Leo (of Ted Leo + The Human Fish, other people.” Something Alyssa said sa, now 16, happened to be in town on Pharmacists fame) world’s greatest a few times was that she doesn’t like February 22nd, planning to stop by the was the musical guest. The whole thing dancer Rob Malone, Bananaman, and most people and found comfort in the show. But she probably didn’t expect turned into an optimistic advice show presidential candidate Connor Ratliff. I realization that most comedians base the episode “Checking in With Alyssa,” for possible future comedian Alyssa was able to attend the February 22nd their jokes around not liking people that Gethard had specially planned for and also just a truly sweet present for taping, after going to a “You’ve Got that much. I disagree. There are come- her. a baffl ed teenage fan. She was most- Mail” viewing party at Housing Works dians who love people. And those are What happened next is what makes ly too shocked to ask the guest stars Bookstore. In the fi lm, Greg Kinnear’s the type of people I want to surround Chris Gethard and all the beautiful questions when Gethard put her on the character says, “The whole point of myself with, because they’re great self- people involved with this one episode spot, but she continuously expressed being out of the house is so you can less folks with amazing hearts. march 7, 2012 the paper page 19 Booze, Bobbleheads, Frat Boys – OH MY! What To Expect From The Armory Show by Hannah Weissenbuehler A look at a unique week celebrating daring artwork on and off the canvas STAFF ARTSY FARTSY What started fourteen years ago with ther the artist or the artwork is alive. Last sioned artist is urban planner Theastre The Armory Show kicked off Wednes- The Armory Show, still located on Piers year at the SCOPE art fair was an instal- Gates. Gates has been referred to by the day, March 7th, with its annual open- 92 and 94, has now turned into an entire lation – by installation I mean glass box Show’s executive director as bold, ener- ing party at the Museum of Modern Art week of art. The 2012 Armory Arts Week – with about four New Jersey frat boys. gizing, and “transformative.” His work which featured Neon Indian. For those lasts March 8 through March 11, there Titled “C’mon Guy,” the boys inside the meshes historical narratives and contem- who could not cough up the $150 to at- are now twelve different Art Fairs. Each box got a magic marker, cases of Natty porary forms of performance and instal- tend the party, the MoMA had another day is set to the theme of a different bor- Light, and a bucket. There was a bong, lations to politically engage in black civil option – donate $5, watch the show live, ough – Thursday is Bronx Day. Featured too. They loved it – there was free booze, rights. Alongside Gates, the artists come and then see your own customized bob- from the Bronx are the Longwood Art no shirts, and dancing. Plus gawking from London to the Netherlands, Korea blehead projected onto the wall on the Gallery’s mixed media and toy exhibit, as from everyone who walked by. They loved to Istanbul. opening night. well as the Bronx Museum’s exhibit on ar- it until one started puking and ran away. With such a wide variety of pieces, in These bobbleheads actually look a lot chitect Juan Downey (there are even live Outside the box, some Armory visitors the end, even the puking frat bros from like the Armory Show goers themselves. animals in this one). From the Bronx to laughed, others refl ected on the memo- 2011 recognized the whole ordeal as There were those with colored hair, SoHo, Long Island City to Chelsea, there ries of “smelling like college,” and then “real art.” If this year’s events line up to striped shirts and dark glasses. Others are gallery receptions, open art studios, of course there was the dismissive philo- the expectations from last year and the maintained their stature and suited up. and performances. sophical comment, “but is it art?,” made energized hopes of its directors, it will be Then of course were the fl annel shirts The theme for this year’s Armory by those perhaps still resentful of their worthless to ask whether or not some- in the corner brooding over the ‘deeper Show is “Modern.” It features the work of college days. thing qualifi es as art. meaning’ in the strange sights called art modern artists at Pier 92, while at Pier 94 This year, between the endless choic- Take a look at Armory Art Week’s web- displayed throughout the boroughs of are the new works of living artists. es of events and contemporary artists, site for a complete list of events and ex- New York in a number of art fairs. Note that by living, it could mean ei- the Armory Show’s focus and commis- tended hours.

by Sarah Lyons March Horoscopes: Is Your Spring Break Gonna Suck? Find Out! STAFF ASTROLOGER

Aries: On March 3rd Mercury enters your sign. This nities will arise, and you should take them while you 14th will leave you feeling more confi dent in yourself will make you more open to traveling to new places have this lucky planet. Just don‛t act invincible and and your abilities. This is a good time to plan big goals and meeting new people. Take advantage of this time say something you might regret later. and picture where you want to be a year from now, however, because from March 12th through April but until the end of the month, when Mercury comes 3rd Mercury will turn retrograde, making commu- Virgo: A full moon enters your sign from March 12th out of retrograde, I would take things slow, buddy. nication awkward and just generally fucking shit up. through April 3rd. In this time you should consider This would not be a good time to sign contracts or getting yourself and your life in order. Take some Capricorn: Your planet, Saturn, is going to be in ret- enter into any binding deals. time out for yourself and do not let things stress you rograde for awhile, so make sure you get work and out too much. You will have obstacles and challenges, responsibilities out of the way before you have fun. Taurus: On the 6th, Venus will enter your sign, mak- but you are more than capable of over coming them. Otherwise, it will hurt you. Anticipate some complica- ing you more aware of the love and loved ones in your tions regarding travel and communication from the life. This is not a good time to act too impulsively, Libra: Ok, this might be asking a lot, but the 8th 12th through April 13th. The more simple your plans especially on matters of the heart. Be patient and let through the 11th may not be the best time for are, the less likely they are to screw up, so cut the things run their course. partying hard. This is the time this month where you bullshit and just chill with friends this break. are most vulnerable to health problems, and com- Gemini: March proves to be a good time to get back munication will be an issue all month. Don‛t let your Aquarius: As a man far wiser than me once said: ‘mo in touch with old friends and family. Convenient time best friend become Barnabas. That being said, a money, ‘mo problems. This is very true for you this for spring break, huh? But seriously, now is a good burden you have been feeling for some time because month, so make sure to double check if you have paid time to let yourself recharge and set things right of Saturn being in your house is soon going away, and off all your debts before you go off to buy yourself with relationships in your life that might be hurting. the bothersome planet will not come back to haunt that shiny new stripper pole (you know the one). In all Call your mother and tell her you love her. you for another 28 years! seriousness though, take this month to get all your fi nances in order, or else you might end up thinking Cancer: This month will be, and should be, a slow Scorpio: You will probably start to feel a lot of you have a lot more money in the bank than you do. month for you. Take a breather. Look at your life, creative impulses this month. The moon and Mars look at your choices. During the last few days of are doing crazy tangos with your “planet” of Pluto all Pisces: March is your month, Pisces, and what a March, starting around 7 on the 29th, through the through March. Let ideas and inspiration sink in this month it is! Since January 23rd, you have probably fi rst week of April the moon will be with your sign, month, and be ready to put them into use come April. been feeling rushed. This feeling will reach its peak making you more emotional. Try not to take things The 9th and 13th might provide some confl icts, but in early March, and then slowly start to go away. too seriously, and do not let the potentially harsh you should let said confl icts inspire you. Write a song When it does, you will feel more creative impulses words of others get you down. about it or something. start to return. Cultivate these, as well as your rela- tionship with other people. Things will come easy for Leo:. Jupiter is in your sign this month, so things Sagittarius: Starting around mid-March the moon you if you relax and take things as they come. should go smoothly for the most part. Good opportu- enters your sign. This time, especially around the page 20 the paper march 7, 2012

Enjoy these classic car games perfect for your Spring Break travel, whether on train trips, long drives, flights, or scuba excava- tions (i.e. lonely baths). To get the answers AND MORE, come to our meetings on Tuesdays at 8:30 PM in McGinley 2nd. Father McShane paper doll! march 7, 2012 the paper page 21

by the paper rest of the trip, my parents alternated received from this chick made me Bono walking around casually before STAFF OF MILLIONS SEVERAL driving and puking out the passenger more than uncomfortable and I ran his fl ight. That may not seem too What great travel story doesn’t window, and we stopped every chance like hell off that plane. groundbreaking to some of you, but let include some horrible or ridiculous we got to buy a newspaper to throw me reiterate: Milwaukee. However, no hiccup that sidetracked everything? over the latest round on the fl oor. We Fleeing Irene amount of weirdness could have pre- Some of us have had small inconve- had to burn that minivan, there was by John O’Neill pared me for my trip to New York back niences like a delayed fl ight or a rainy no turning back. And I’ve never been NEWS CO-EDITOR in August. Walking to my gate, I saw day that ruined a vacation. Then there to a Waffl e House since. The city was squawking as Irene the corporeal equivalent of a shooting are those of us that have had a tire chugged north along the seaboard. star: a sixty year old woman wearing blow out 50-miles outside of Boston Jolene Meanwhile, I was celebrating my a Hello Kitty low cut top, short skirt, that ultimately pinned the whole fam- by Will Speros return to New York with days full of brooch, and bedazzled barrette. Minus ily against each other and tainted the ARTS CO-EDITOR city exploring and partying, this is until seeing the parade of transvestites on college road trip. Either way, any trip Whenever I hear the name Jolene news broke of the impending storm of Easter in fi fth grade, this was one of can seem exceptional when compared mentioned by anyone around me, a doom. The MTA announced that tran- the weirder things I’d seen up to that to these little disasters, right? cold shiver runs down my spine. I en- sit service would be halted for several point. However, I wrote it off in order countered a woman of this name on a days, and my fears of being stuck in to not miss my fl ight by contemplating Waffl e House brief, 50-minute fl ight from DC to the Bronx in an apocalyptic after world how and why that was at MKE. Fast by Liam Lowery Rhode Island; what ensued was the had me dialing a good friend in a zone forward to an hour later: I’m sitting in STAFF BABY BRO most hellish travel experience of my outside of the hurricanes projected my seat on the plane, it’s ten minutes Dropping my oldest brother off at life. Jolene was tan, dark-haired coun- path, southern Nassau County. Not away from departure, and I’m revel- college was hellacious, hours later, I fl ed the ing in the fact that I may have a row to and by the time we Enjoy your fl ight from city with my girlfriend myself. Who comes bursting on to the piled in the car to leave Hell after she was excused plane to take the seat next to me? You Duke University, we from her minimum have one guess. were ore than ready to wage night job. We go. In fact, we were so headed towards the Amtrak Sucks Too ready that we motored festering anus of New by Gibson Merrick right out of Durham and York, Penn Station. The NEWS CO-EDITOR forgot to eat breakfast scurry and the excite- I used to think riding the train was and fi ll the minivan up ment of a possible cool. Classier than Megabus but not with gas. We stopped doomsday scenario quite as classy/expensive as a plane, off after crossing into was unlike anything I Amtrak used to be my go-to travel Virginia at a Waffl e had ever experienced. provider. Or at least it was before this House. The hostess’ How else to make it middle-aged hag of a woman decided name was Dixie, she better than to load up to ruin my trip last Thanksgiving. was also the waitress, the cook, and try girl, who I’d put at about 43 years on tall boys for the hour train ride Picture this: I had made it to the train the dishwasher. We were the only cus- of age. She wore skin tight jeans, a east? It wasn’t miserable, nor was it just on time, tired and pissed, lugging tomers. The water was dingy beige in straw cowboy hat, and a midriff. She particularly wise to fl ee to Long Island around my shit. I found a good seat a dirty glass and the plates had bits of ignored the fact that I had a thick (several towering trees snapped like and was stowing my suitcase over my food on them, but we were all fucking Franzen novel in-hand, and proceeded matchsticks around the sunroom we chair, obviously claiming my territory, starving. And our van was out of gas, to irritate me beyond words. I am not ignorantly slept in as the storm land- when this woman storms on the train and in that miniscule town there was exaggerating in the slightest when ed), but it certainly was memorable. with her teenage son and fully-grown only a Waffl e House, a Texaco, and a I say that this woman talked at me for The near empty commuter trains and brothers. She’s yelling at the train church. And my dad was on the brink the entire length of the fl ight. I learned corridors of Penn Station as police porter, demanding all four of them of a meltdown, a Chevy Chase at the she competitively raced sailboats, had and transit workers scrambled was be seated together, despite the fact end of National Lampoon Vacation two grown children, and that she was something I had never seen and don’t that all of them are old enough to sit style meltdown. As I consumed the a complete fucking weirdo. soon expect to see again. separately and most seats are taken. rock hard waffl es and shriveled bacon, She whipped out THREE cameras and In what seems like slow motion, she I knew things were not going to end showed me every single picture on Hello Kitty Lady throws her coat over MY seat and sits well. But I had no idea quite how bad- each. She then turned on her phone by Connor O’Brien down. I like to pretend the pre-fi ght ly. I started puking outside of Freder- (casually ignoring the risk of EARWAX EDITOR sound effect from Kill Bill played. Un- icksburg and did not stop for the next crashing the plane) to show me more General Mitchell, the airport in Mil- like Kill Bill, however, I backed down, eight hours. My moms started outside photos, including bizarre, waukee, is not the most normal place defeated. She and I will meet again Philly. By the time we hit NYC, my dad unexplained nude mirror shots of her- in the world. For example, coming in hell someday, where Im sure she’ll was yakking up a storm too. For the self. Yeah. The cougar vibes I back from winter break, I saw Chaz promptly take my seat again. page 22 the paper march 7, 2012 ing. Other than a couple of songs, I was and what made Sleigh Bells so great left unimpressed. in the fi rst place, is the promise of how I’m not saying this album is bad. I awesome the songs should sound live. would use words like lackluster; luke- No matter the nuances added in the warm; disappointing. The homogeneity studio, these are songs designed to makes the album better background blow up any live venue. Even if you’re music than anything else. just listening in your dorm, it feels like an amphitheater, making Reign of Ter- ror a fi ne second step for the band.

Sleigh Bells Reign of Terror Valerie Heinmets Kid Cudi & Dot Da Genius Sleigh Bells is a divisive band: peo- WZRD This is Hector Berlioz’s offi cial guide to Spring Break 2012! To ensure that you ple either love their distortion-heavy, Will Yates and your boys/girls have a great vacay, all you have to do is smoke a shit ton of guitar stomping riffs, or they can’t While fi rmly in the realm of hip-hop, opuim. Nothing bad can come of that. Remember in Inception when those guys stand them. The duo’s second album, Kid Cudi’s previous releases have al- were in the basement and dreamed all the time? That’s because they were so Reign of Terror, may be a shot at uni- ways had hints of a desire to try other strung out on opium, guys. Can you imagine how sweet it would be to live in a fi cation, or at least a middle ground, genres, or at least to mix them with rap. dream constantly? I can think of no negative repercussions, except when trips lightening on the distortion and sex There was the indie-rock guitar sample turn into horrible nightmares. But whatever, opium got me my wife. Not even noises but remaining heavy on guitar. borrowed from Band of Horses on “The kidding. I wrote Symphonie Fantastique, which features me killing her and then The band’s debut, Treats, was a strik- Prayer,” the anthem sound of “Erase going into a poppy-plant fueled hallucination about her descending into hell and ing mix of lead signer Alexis Krauss’ Me,” and just the general feel of many then having an orgy with other witches after becoming one herself. If you’re short ultra-feminine vocals often repeating of his slower songs, with the space im- on opium (which is understandable these days), compensate by eating about 9 “Ah-ah-ah-ah-uh” often fl oating above agery and synthesizers, seemed to be poppyseed bagels each morning for breakfast or just get your own bag of those the grinding, blaring guitar riffs. On pulling as much from Pink Floyd and magical little pods and start snorting. Reign of Terror, the stomping guitars Styx as from any rapper. Now, teamed Andrew Bird like I was in a crowded elevator sur- are still there, but with a more refi ned up with producer Dot da Genius, un- rounded by several lazy conversations. edge. Instead of the chanting cheer- der the alias WZRD, Cudi has realized Break It Yourself His trademark whistling, which Liz O’Malley leader sound, songs like “True Shred those aspirations of more alternative proves to be an instrument in and of Guitar” and “Demons” are straight out sounds. Last week, NPR leaked the new itself, doesn’t come in until halfway of 80’s arena metal, with lines yelled The self-titled album opens with a Andrew Bird album Break It Yourself, through the album, which is a shame like “I wanna see your fucking hands haunting buzz of electronic noises on due to release on March 6 (by the time because it gives his songs the stand- in the air,” which is a little too Taio Cruz the instrumental track “The Arrival,” you read this that will have been days alone quality largely missing from this for me, but they nearly pull it off. and it’s honestly a pretty badass start. ago, or, if you are a future-person, years album. In particular, “Lusitania” fea- Much of the album is really solid. Unfortunately, where it leads it not ex- ago). Going into the album, I didn’t tures a strong whistled melody and “Crush” sounds like a metal-indie ver- actly stellar; there are solid tracks but know what to expect. Andrew Bird defi - beautiful vocal accompaniment from sion of the Shangri-La’s. It also has overall it feels like a compilation of the nitely has his go-to tricks (the pizzica- Annie Clark of St. Vincent. some pleasant surprises in between songs that you didn’t really like from to, the sweeping violin, the loops, the At the halfway point, in a fi t of po- the noise, in the vein of the fi rst albums other Kid Cudi albums. I think the prob- whistles etc.), but the way larization, the songs be- stand-out funk-sampling lem stems from the duo’s and the extent to which come unbearably simple. single “Rill-Rill. “End of the love for strange guitar and he implements them, and However, this is almost a Line” and “You Lost Me” electronic sounds so much the emphasis on certain relief after all the bland in- slow it down with electric that they fail to make one qualities of his sound vary tensity thrown at you in the synths to add more atmo- song that sounds natural pretty greatly between al- fi rst half. Songs like “Near sphere. and not all fuzzed-out. It’s bums. What surprised me Death Experience” break Although these songs two guys who like rock and the most about Break It this theme and relieve are the strongest exam- kind of get it, but don’t ex- Yourself was how unexcit- you with slightly easier-to- ples, the scope of the al- plore it beyond riffs with ing the entirety of the al- listen-to sound, but the bum as a whole is larger tons of effects and com- bum was. album segues into more yawn-worthy and more atmospheric. The two lead puter beats. At points in the album he incorpo- walls of delicate noise. “Opheo Looks singles, “Comeback Kid” and “Born to Then there are Cudi’s vocals. Look rates heavily layered waves of sound Back” is a nice song, the violin has a Lose” feature the same punching gui- I know the guy can’t exactly sing and that trickle in piece by piece, impres- Middle Eastern quality during the so- tar as the fi rst album, but with more that’s fi ne: he’s been able to make sively stringing elaborate melody over los before leading you into the leaky depth and detail keeping in tune while due on previous records when switch- elaborate melody. However, this con- verse. “Fatal Shore” has a killer delay slightly changing the band’s formula. ing off his crooning with rapping. It’s tributes to many of the album’s short- on the guitar, which is simple but driv- The thing to be most excited about, sort of the Cudi formula: down-tempo comings. Songs blend together easily, march 7, 2012 the paper page 23 raps about being lonely and miserable ics. I Am Gemini begins with a slow strangely runic album art and shame- and getting really high just to cope with builder that packs a punch of thick less repetition of polysyllabic guitar life. And I dig that. On WZRD that’s drums and even thicker guitar. “Warm- riffs and screamed lyrics. “Twin Dragin/ all we hear for 47 minutes and when er Warmer” follows with incremental, Hello Skeleton” features Zappa-esque it’s tracks with just buzzy distorted crawls up the psychadelia and overly punctuated gui- noise, simple percussion, fretboard, building drama tar work that seems to dominate the al- and no cool rhymes, the and energy until the chorus bum. I Am Gemini proves the problems vocals just come across breaks like a tidal wave. You of concept albums and the danger of as whiny. By putting that can picture a sea of teens theatricality in rock with songs that fl at-ish croon over plain with black nail polish bob- are a little too schizophrenic to be di- guitar, like on “Effl ictim,” bing and moshing in a dark gested, and lyrics not quite as sardonic the outcome is more than basement somewhere, es- as they used to be. Rhythm and angst- slightly painful. There are pecially during the bridge, wise, Cursive still delivers what every exceptions, like some nice which softens to a sinister tween wants, but there are fl aws in the #no synth breakdowns, but most of those whisper before exploding again. “The result. “Wowowow” is a great example come when, well honestly, Cudi doesn’t Sun and Moon” changes up tempo and with its obtuse verses and jarringly open his mouth. The intro to the song mode of attack, with celestial synths, staccato guitar parts that contrast regrets “Brake” has some really nice Flaming milder guitar strumming, and a rarely- starkly with the following “This House A spring break playlist by Opinions co- Lips warped sounds, and the closer heard falsetto. The clever lyrics I used is a Lie.” “The Cat and Mouse” is prob- editor Peter Lacerenza. “Teleport 2 Me, Jamie” is also great. to scribble into notebook margins ably the best track on the album, al- That is until I realized it’s sound is so return: “I can see through you like a though it is derivative of Black Parade- Woods - “Pushing Onlys” cool because it’s mostly Cudi singing two-way mirror,” Kasher croons. The era My Chem with its marching band If you enjoy pushing onlys, there’s a over the song “Under Your Spell” by pounding drums and throbbing bass beat, sneered verses, and moshable chance that you might enjoy this song. Desire from the soundtrack to Drive. If point to what Cursive used to signify, breakdown. The penultimate “A Birth- you want me advice go see that movie but there’s a departure into almost pop day Bash” plays with barely-buzzed, The Vaselines - “Son of a Gun” and listen to that soundtrack, it’s bet- song structure that shows growth in a sneaky guitar riffs, while “Eulogy for No The Vaselines served as a source an ter than WZRD. new direction. “Drunken Birds” blows Name” closes the album in the way it inspiration for Kurt Cobain. Now they its load a little too early with chaotic began—with a slow burning and puls- can serve as a source of inspiration masses of distortion that temper into a ing bass that keep things steady until while you’re aimlessly doodling on not-so-catchy chorus of spoke-sung lyr- the end, when, predictably, the sound some sunny beach. ics clearly meant to be anthemic, but erupts into one wall of distortion that that end up falling short. It’s the kind fades back into silence. Although the Real Estate - “Green Aisles” of song that would work songwriting has gotten a Ah, Spring...so green. if it were still the early lot less interesting, the in- aughts, a time Cursive strumentation still has an Craft Spells - “Scandinavian Crush” Cursive seems to forget it isn’t. impeccability, and some- Good if you intend to hit on a Nor- The following “Lullaby for thing about Kasher’s voice I Am Gemini wegian while touring the fjords or No Name” mellows things always makes you feel like something. Sarah Madges out with piano tinkling and a co-conspirator in what- When I was fourteen, I decided to wire-brushed percussion ever he’s plotting. It might Phoenix - “Too Young” branch out from my adorably immature for about a minute before not be a thing of genius, Fortunately you’re not too young to crush on Conor Oberst to other Saddle “Double Dead” returns but I Am Gemini still pro- listen to this throwback. Creek bands, which landed Cursive’s with meandering melodies and that duces what made me a fan in the fi rst The Ugly Organ in my hands and gave laconic delivery we saw in Happy Hol- place. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart - my orthodontic smile something to lows, minus some of the bitter agnosti- “Heart in your Heartbreak” think about. Though Tim Kasher and cism and adding in arena rock tactics Hopefully your Spring Break won’t re- co. have matured in age and sound such as epic tempo changes and whiny sult in any heartbreak. If so, The Pains since 2003’s orchestral beast of a re- guitar that slide seamlessly into the of Being Pure at Heart will be more cord, there are still traces of that raw title track, “Gemini.” There’s a prog than happy to get you through it. angst in Kasher’s growl and biting lyr- rock feel on this one that explains the Fool’s Gold - “Surprise Hotel” Surprise! You might be staying at a hotel this Spring Break.

Sufjan Stevens - “Casimir Pulaski Day” Unfortunately, you will have missed Casimir Pulaski day (March 6th) but that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate the life of this Polish-born Revolution- ary War general. page 24 the paper march 7, 2012

Rachel Dougherty

Anna Tighe

Sarah Madges Tim Luecke

John Ford