September 12, 1983 Page5 Reality Theater Presents The Neo-Hohoes by Bruce Goldfarb Moving downwind would force make me to trot along with the rumbling massive steel climb on the outside of the flatcar, impossible frames, leaving the map and compass behind. You just picked up a hitcher with my clumsily insensitive hands. "Goddamn," Mark hoots. "This is it!!" A prisoner of the white lines I look over at Sandy, sweet stoic angeldancer Huge, thrashing, gnashing metal wheels...no, On the freeway... suffering silently, hunched over into the wind. not really..."Hoo-eee" I hear, panting, not real- -Joni Mitchell She does not look up at me, but hugs her knees as ly...I throw my pack on the flatcar, grasping the though hanging on for life. It is pitch blackness damp cold metal edge...running, heart poun- I am warm and drowsy. Caressed by gentle outside, with the clarity you'd expect from deep ding...we can't... rocking, soothed into a pleasant slumber, my space. Beside and underneath the tracks there "THIS IS IT!" neck muscles relax and my head nods to one side. appears to be a surreal plane of swampy water. oh my god my feet my hands hold on my body Suddenly I snap awake and resume shivering. Even if I jumped out of sheer survival, where jerks forward I cant do this the ground falls away would I be? Somewhere in the middle of Missis- from my feet and I'm dangling in the air and I've sippi, in the middle of the night, in the middle of changed my mind and there's nowhere to go. ..no- winter. thing to do but The train lurches and creaks, mindlessly racing "PULL YOURSELF UP, GODDAMN IT— through the darkness. Mark and Sue shift positions. My legs are I strain and flop on my belly onto the flatcar. I freed long enough to twist and get the bar off my feel a firm grip around my collar and Mark pulls back and nestled under my ribs. An intense throb me the rest of the way onto the train. pierces my diaphragm with each breath, but even "C'mon, time's a wasting," Mark grins. "Let's that discomfort is tolerable, almost welcome. get the others." I just don't want to die. Not yet. We have yet to I go to grab Sue and Mark knelt to grab see Bourbon Street. Sandy, leaving Tom wide-eyed running beside Whose idea was this? I thought we were kid- the train. Reaching beneath Sue's delicate dancer armpits, 1 breach all normal bounds of ...I did not really accept familiarity—she was a stranger after all—and Kuhn Gallery Graphics heave her up in an adrenalin-induced frenzy. that yes, we are going to Tom lobbed his knapsack. Mark and I each grab an arm and hoist him up. by Larry Clark silkscreen, ink sketch and watercolor that hop a train... The flatcar platform was slick and covered capture aspects of American heritage and with grease. We huddled together beneath the For unknown reasons, few students entering the culture. One of these sketches, probably the best ding, never really believing that... wheels of a piggy-back tractor trailer, leeling the library lobby will pay attention to its art exhibits. known to the general public, is the cover design And even when packing my knapsack, I did it nip of wind and unable to speak above the thund- Unless the exhibit depicts scenes of violence or for Ansel Adams'book, Yosemite and the Range only to humor Tom and Sandy's idle fantasy. We ering grind of the wheels. We watched the scen- nudity, the general student will give it little of his of Light. aren't actually going to hop a freight train, right? ery slip through the afternoon, as the day turned or her undivided attention. Unortunately, the So, the next time you enter the library lobby, Even when Mark and Tom came over it was to darkness and the hours passed and the moon artwork of Lance Hidy will probably receive the dont decide that it's just another exhibit. Take a like any other visit, except that Sue was there, rose and the novelty turned to silence and the same fate during its run for the next two months. little interest. This one captures and expresses a too. Even when Tom's girlfriend drove us to silence turned to frozen ennui, basking in the The first major exhibit by Hidy contains some part of America for each of us. Hidy's work is some tracks just south of downtown Memphis, cold. Heat seemed drawn away from my body. of his best work spanning the past 15 years. here until October 28, when it moves on to the when the five of us speculated about what we see Reality, page 6 Contained here are posters and sketches done in Boston Public Library. might do in our experiment in helplessness over the nest three or four days, I never suspected we'd really find a train. Even when we got out of the car and Tom Playfair's patrons invited to interact (gulp!) kissed Cathy goodbye and we walked along the tracks, looking for trains that seemed to be going by Tony Sclafani then my buddy Will would have done me some Although clubs and organizations attended, to New Orleans, I grinned inside because 1 never good; but when it came to the weird events there were no "organized non-competitive" Basking in the cold. My God! So this is what really believed that we'd find the right one. Waking up at 6 a.m. on a cool warm morning having a friend there just reinforced a strange sports activities. So the T-shirts we were hoping it's like to freeze to death. It started to rain, so we stopped for shelter Opening the windows and breathing in petrol feeling and caused us to view the "strange" activi- to win and sell (just kidding) we never received. The painful pressure of a steel beam on my beside the railroad tracks. Tom consulted a map An amateur band rehearse in a nearby yard ties with suspicion (at least at first.) Whatever my Still, organized activities, however, would have back reminds me that we are on a freight train of Shelby County and determined that we were Watching TV and thinking about. your reservations to the whole thing were, after it was broken up the flow of the evening. The show going south to New Orleans. It is New Year's probably several miles outside of city limits, and holidays over I felt it was a success. I left feeling totally flowed very well, by the way, and was not as weekend. that in all likelihood we were on the Illinois That's entertainment different than when I came in. The 150 (or so) awkward as doing strange things in the ballroom My fingers have lost all sensation. Cheeks Central line. Mark took my compass and con- — The Jam, 1981 people that were there also seemed to feel the with a bunch of strangers may seem. The object burning from the bitter wind, I notice that my firmed that we were headed south. The above quote is ironic in its intent to same way. of the program was to reduce inhibitions and jacket is soaked with the freezing drizzle we are We all agreed that Illinois Central runs from glorify the actual events of everyday life, and call Speaker/Facilitator Jerry Ewing was a superb promote friendliness, so obviously some of it had riding through. All I can think about is that Chicago to New Orleans, but I privately held a them actual entertainment. The average day is master of ceremonies-believe me not many peo- to be unusual. beam, some sort of guide for the tractor trailer conviction that we would certainly fail in our full of boring non-eventful. How many times ple could do his sort of announcements and Either way it was not the events per se that wheels, creasing the middle of my lumbar. That quest for a thrill. None of us had ever hopped a have you just bumped into a person you didn't make them (or themselves) seem for real. Some made the night, but the way in which they were and my bladder, which is full and aches urgently freight train before. know and found out you both had a lot in com- of the events, such as the ones of the "touchy- telegraphed. You could walk out or stand up with each little rock and totter. Even up to the point where Tom noticed the mon and a memorable friendship started right feely" variety, seemed a little strange after the fact anytime you wanted. Try doing that in any other There wouldn't be any way to take a leak even engine heading towards us I did not really accept then and there? You say it's never happened to but actually worked in relation to the whole gathering and I guarantee you'll get different if I could move from my position. Communicat- that yes, we are going to hop a train, and yes, it is you? Nothing ever happens around here? event. One great activity was the idea that anyone results than-a smile and a goodbye. ing my need to the others would be futile in the coming, and yes... Well then maybe you should have attended could stand up and ask for a round of applause. On its own terms, Playfair was a smashing deafening roar of the wind and grind of steel-on- "This is it!" Mark yells. last week's Playfair. "Amoeba" was an exercise where you had to success attendancewise and eventwise. steel. Besides, the only clear area was upwind. We scramble to collect our things and begin to Playfair is an event designed to "break the ice." stand back to back and then switch as Ewing The only problem is why should there be a The program involves all sorts of action-oriented blew a whistle. Figure that one out. As I said, a need for this sort of thing? Why do people need programs and is designed so that strangers can strange but enjoyable evening. see Playfair, page 6 get acquainted. Playfair is a "tour" of sorts. It originated in New York and regularly tours uni- versities and colleges around the country. This year was UMBC's second Playfair. Pro- gram director Ramona Arthur says its main pur- pose is "to promote school spirit." But it also functions as sort of a mixer in which the object is not just to "pick up" people, but to meet others at a more personal level. Playfair is strictly a "non- alcoholic" event. With these credentials going for it 1 was look- ing forward to attending. I arrived late (about 8:00) and made the mistake of bringing a close friend. We walked in just after everyone had been lined up to say hello and just as Jerry Ewing started speaking. Being with a friend has its advantages and disadvantages. If they were to take me hostage Guilty verdict condemns An Innocent Man

by Alan Feiler millions during the Eisenhower years. Why Joel raised eyebrow. Joel's impersonation of Frankie decided to pick this musical brand and O.D. on it Valli (minus the falsetto) is a dead ringer and a Some people hope for a miracle cure is beyond human ken. true tribute to the song stylist. Some people just accept the world as it is Tracks like "The Longest Time," "Careless "Keeping the Faith,"a bluesy piece with a twist But I'm not willing to lay down and die of reggae, closes the album. In this final track, Because I am an innocent man. Talk," and "This Night" (all Joel originals) are —from "An Innocent Man" by Billy Joel outdated and deserve to be. Perhaps one piece Joel explains (and apologizes for?) his revival combining sweet harmonies crooning to a melt- and overwhelming reach into the music that he Since his emergence on the popular music ing saxophone would have been sufficient. grew up with. He sings, "I would not be here if I Jason Lee scene during the mid 1970's, Billy Joel has Nevertheless, three-fourths of this album is dedi- never had the hunger." He credits his enormous These participants seemed to need each other during last week's Playfair. brought to his albums a colorful collage of dis- cated to bringing Platters-style pop back to life success to pop music's past, and reminisces about tinct musical styles unheard of since the creative again. days when he wore "matador boots, shark skin years of the Beatles. The only tracks of this nature that do work are jackets, and pompadour hair cuts." The Dirge: Things your The lilting, tasteful ballads like "Just the Way a Jerry Lee Lewis-type rocker titled "Christie Of course, an artist with the phenomenal talent You Are" from 1977's The Stranger album, the Lee," and the AM favorite "Tell Her About It." and popularity of Billy Joel should be entitled to biting rock numbers such as "Big Shot" from Despite its catchy tune, the latter's plea to open experiment with a particular musical style of his mother shoukfve taught you 52nd Street (as well as the jazzier pieces on that communication lines ("Tell her about it/Let her own choice on an album. A similar example is album) in 1978, New Wave rockers like "Some- know how much you care") is so repetitive and •John Lennon's "Rock and Roll" from 1975, ifi by Bryan Denson Unless you are very good looking, rich, or times a Fantasy" from 1980's Glass Houses, and syrupy that one would even prefer flipping the which the ex-Beatle redid the old tunes that know lots of friendly Chinamen, you may have a powerful, wistful political statements like "Good- station to Joan Jett's ear-tormenting "Fake moved him in his youth. Joel, however, goes past Your perusal of Baltimore's laundromats does tough time getting your laundry done without night Saigon" from last year's The Nylon Cur- Friends." the point of a tribute on "An Innocent Man"and not have to begin, as mine did, at the height of an paying out the proverbial wazoo. So you must go tain, have made Joel one of the most versatile However, if we are to join Joel's revival, the tries to revive a moribund corpse. Musically ugly marital separation. Perhaps you have to the laundromat. and musically-aware artists of our generation. second side's opener "Uptown Girl" is a brilliant speaking, the performance of Joel and his band is someone to do your laundry, or perhaps you've So my suggestion, once you are committed to This is why Joel's newest offering, An Inno- piece of imitation. This marvelous reproduction as solid as ever; the weakness in this album is the been doing your laundry for as long as you can a day at the laundromat, is to adopt a Why Is It cent Man, is such a disappointment following his of the sound of 60's supergroup The Four Sea- material and that weakness is crippling. remember. This was not the case for me. attitude like that rheumy little pipsqueak Andy past successes. The new release is a good piece of sons would have fit into its time period without a Pardon my self-indulgence for a moment as I Rooney. " Why do I have to do laundry? Why musicianship. However, it does not hold up to explain that throughout my life my mother did can't I just smell? Cavemen did it, didn't they?" It the piano man's trademark, of continuity and my laundry. see Dirge, page 6 balance. His never-ending desire to shift gears Sure, she tried to show me how to do it, but I from nostalgic 50's pieces to trendy current pop, always feigned ignorance. You mean, I would throw this album off the track and makes it say, you can only put in just this little bottle of sound like a reject tape from the crystal studios of fabric softener, indicating a one quart bottle of Sha Na Na. the stuff. Ill handle the laundry, she would say, The first track is "Easy Money," the title song just bring me your clothes. And it always from the recent Redney Dangerfield epic. It's a worked. 60's-styled soul song, borrowing from such Even when I went to college I would take my greats as Sly Stone and Sam and Dave. It's a slick laundry home on weekends for mom to do. Long track with rough, forceful lyrics ("I'm a man who vacations, you ask? Hey, after a couple of days of can't say no/If you've got a little,risky business- hiking who cares what you smell like, you're / Just point me where you want to go"), accentu- supposed to be roughing it anyway, right? ated by the perfect soulful vocals of Joel. The After school, living off campus, I was piece works, despite its self-consciousness. fortunate to find friends who would do my file title track is probably one ol the finest laundry. This is going to sound sexist, but I have efforts on the album. It is standard Joel, with found there are some very neurotic women out melodic and sentimental lyrics set to a stormy there who enjoy doing laundry for people. rhythm. "An Innocent Man" is a poor man's Maybe they were just tired of the smell. I had a version of "Until the N ight" from 52nd St reel but polyester shirt that could knock buzzards from a nevertheless manages to move the listener. shit wagon at 50 paces. We're talking strong. Following these first few pieces, a 50's revival So until I got the boot from my wife, I had still begins which endlessy puzzles the listener's mind. managed to play ignorant of laundry issues. And Not 50's Rockabilly, as the Stray Cats and other then it happened. My parents moved from the groups have popularized recently, but the giddy state, and then the separation. For the first time shoo-wop, moon-june-spoon pieces that bored Billy Joel goes all the way back on his newest release in my life...laundry.