when I get back," Oral said.

was born and raised in Tulsa, and have Keeping up with I been a bemused Oral-watcher all my life. I find him and his singing son funnier than Oral Roberts's City of Faith clowns, though in some ways more tragic than Jim and Tammy. Oral may be an ignorant, self-centered, deluded country bumpkin with a totally closed mind, but in Martin Gardner my opinion he is not, like Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart, a hypocrite. I think he really sees edia coverage of Jim Bakker's trial went up around Tulsa showing the City of what he sees, and hears what he hears. His Mand conviction has obscured news Faith behind a warning sign: "Begin 900- hallucinations are too absurd to be lies. Poor about the collapse of another Pentecostal foot Jesus Crossing." More millions fol- Richard is doing the best he can to take empire—one older and seemingly more lowed when Oral announced that his doctors over the fading ministry, but his "prayer secure than Bakker's. In September Oral were on the verge of discovering a cure for partners" no longer respond eagerly to the Roberts announced that he was closing his cancer. In 1984 Oral noticed an angel in the gimmicks he and his father are forever City of Faith, a glittering complex contain- corner of the room, "so tall his head touched concocting to pry cash from elderly women ing a medical school, hospital, and research the ceiling." Tiny figures of angels were on Social Security. How can they ever top center. Burdened with a $25 million debt, offered in return for donations. the "God will call me home" gimmick? he is also selling the palatial homes in which It is to the old man's credit that he has he and his faith-healing son Richard live, rr he empire started to crumble in the mid- not yet publicly blamed his woes on the devil, and three other houses on the nine-acre i 1980s. Of the hospital's 777 beds (for nor did he say that God ordered him to shut family estate adjoining Oral Roberts' Uni- Oral, 777 is a symbol of Jesus) only a small down the City of Faith. Is that because Oral versity (ORU). Two California vacation fraction were ever filled. The highest would have had to admit that the Lord had homes owned by Oral and Richard, valued occupancy rate was an average of 148 beds made a mistake in telling him to build the at more than $1 million, were sold earlier in 1984. Rising televangelists were diverting City, or, God forbid, because when Oral this year. huge chunks of loot from Oral's faithful. In thought he heard God speak he was only It was almost thirty years ago that God 1985 he closed his dental school and gave listening to himself? said to Oral, "Build Me a university." The his law school to Pat Robertson's CBN Jokes about Roberts are always floating Almighty spoke again in 1977: "You must University. around Oklahoma. The latest tells of a small build a new and different medical center for Oral made his greatest public relations earthquake that toppled the giant praying Me. Build it exactly as I have given you blunder in 1987 when he said that God told hands in front of his 61-story hospital. While the vision." The one thing Tulsa didn't need, him he would be called home unless he huge cranes were making fruitless efforts to Oral was told by the city's political leaders quickly raised $8 million. Just before the get the 60-foot bronze hands back in place, and doctors, was another big hospital. But deadline, Satan sneaked into Oral's bedroom a Tulsan stepped forward and said he could do the job for 25 cents. Incredulous, Richard Oral had to obey his Master. It was while and tried to strangle him, but his wife rushed handed over a quarter. The man tossed it raising money for the medical complex that in and banished the fiend. Bumper stickers toward the hands, which instantly jumped he has his most spectacular vision: in Tulsa said "Send Oral to Heaven in '87." Roberts climbed his Prayer Tower to fast upright and smacked together to capture the coin. I felt an overwhelming holy presence all and pray. A Florida man, the owner of a around me. When I opened my eyes, there dog-racetrack, saved Oral's life with a check Alas, in the wake of the Bakker and He stood ... some 900 feet tall, looking for $1.3 million. Swaggart scandals, not enough quarters are at me.... He stood a full 300 feet taller But the downhill slide continued. Oral being tossed Oral's way. For once in his life than the 600-foot-tall City of Faith. There blundered again by telling the world he had the 71-year-old evangelist doesn't, in the I was face to face with Jesus Christ, the words of his credo, "expect a miracle." His Son of the Living God. I have only seen often restored life to persons who had died Jesus once before, but here I was face to at revival meetings. "I had to go back in dream of establishing a "Mayo Clinic of the face with the King of Kings. He stared the crowd and raise the dead person so I Southwest" has dissolved, but ORU and a at me without saying a word; 0h! I will could go ahead with the service." Richard, retirement village remain. Richard will never forget those eyes! And then, He who by then had become his father's clone, continue to perform his skillful impersona- reached down, put His hands under the City of Faith, lifted it, and said to me, assured the press that there were "dozens tion of his father, with the Holy Spirit giving "See how easy it is for Me to lift it!" and dozens and dozens of documented him the "word of knowledge" about the ills instances" of faith healers raising the dead. of his television-watching flock, allowing Millions of dollars poured in. Posters God next told Oral he had to snare $14 him to assure them that they are being million for a new healing center. Construc- "healed right now." Richard and his father Martin Gardner is the author of many tion began, and the father, son, and Holy may be forced to endure a life-style more articles and books, including Science: Good Ghost began pleading for funds. Soon God in keeping with Jesus' strong attacks on Bad and Bogus; The Magic Numbers of Dr. was telling Oral to raise $1 billion more for conspicuous waste (Richard's closet covers Matrix; and The New Age: Notes of a an ORU endowment. The Lord told Oral 432 square feet), but you can be sure that Fringe-Watcher. His latest book is for he would either die or be raptured before they will not stop praying daily in the children and is called The Snark Puzzle Book the Second Coming, but that he would return Unknown Tongue, or waiting to be rap- (Prometheus). with Jesus to help rule the earth during the tured before the Battle of Armageddon millennium. "Watch what happens to ORU begins. •

Winter 1989/90 49