Vance: (Over the MTAC Feed) You Tell Gibbs to Call Me When He Arrives

Vance: (Over the MTAC feed) You tell Gibbs to call me when he arrives. Macy: You can tell him yourself. (Gibbs enters) Vance: Gibbs. Gibbs: Hello Director Vance. Vance: I know how excited you two are about working together. I told Sec Nav I have my best people on this case. A lot of nervous people at the Pentagon. Don't make me come out there.

Nate: (referring to Gibbs) You should have slept with him way back then. Whenever then was. I was probably in Elementary School, yeah. Macy: How do you know I didn't? Nate: I can tell you right now... Macy: Don't answer that! Nate: Okay. Cool. Macy: You scare me. Nate: Yep. Macy: Leave.

Callen: Is there a reason we're not meeting in a bar right now? Gibbs: Well yeah, it's 10 o'clock in the morning. Callen: I don't know what's worse: getting older or getting wiser.

Macy: Why do you want to know? Callen: Just looking out for my family Macy: G, you don't have any family. Callen: That's cold, Mace. Macy: But true. Callen: Gibbs is family... You too.

Callen: I'll just ask Gibbs about what happened. Macy: Yeah, let me know if you do... I want to be there to see him sit you on your ass.

McGee: (after Sam sends Abby a photo using a giant touch screen) Oh I really gotta get one of these. Sam: You got problems.

Nate: It's called a legend. It's a word coined by the Stasi, the East German Secret Police during the cold war. Now their idea was to create a cover so deep it could stand up to any scrutiny: passports, documents, work papers, even family histories. And none of it true. All a... a legend. Legend: Part 2 [edit] Macy: As I'm sure you're aware foreign intelligence agencies are not authorized to act within US territorial borders. I would *hate* for your actions to cause an incident... by staying here any longer, Rivkin. Rivkin: We each have our job to do. Macy: Yours is done. Go home!

Nate: You worked a case together? Macy: You could say that. It was a JAG-man investigation. A murder. I was the lead investigator. Nate: And Gibbs? Macy: Gibbs was the suspect.

Eric: Every phone call, credit card transaction, internet search, all swallowed up and stored on hard drives so people can troll them for personal information. McGee: You mean like we're doing now? Eric: Yeah, that's okay cause we work for the government. Got a National Security letter to prove it.

Gibbs: Whose boat is this? Renko: I have no idea. Gibbs: Hey! Sand with the grain Renko. Renko: You've done this before? Gibbs: Yeah.

Sam: You think she's involved? Callen: They were sleeping together. She's involved whether she knows it or not. Sam: Yeah. Season 1 [edit] Identity [1.1] [edit] Hetty: Expense accounts; yours are six months behind. I would have thought that seeing you had time off for recuperation, you would have caught up on your paperwork Callen: Please tell me you're kidding me, Hetty. Hetty: Well, I could but it would be a lie. No rush; tomorrow will be fine...

Hetty: Wardrobe for your undercover work. I know you grew up in the well meaning but cold embrace of the welfare state, Mr. Callen, but just because you're an orphan doesn't mean that you have to dress like Oliver Twist. Callen: In the three years we known each other, you've never called me "G". Hetty: It's not a name, it's a letter.

Callen: What are we? If anyone asks. Sam: Uhh, city inspectors Callen: No, no one talks to city inspectors Sam: Okay, you're a realtor and I'm your client; you're showing me an apartment. Callen: Do I look like a realtor? Sam: Okay, I'm a realtor and you're the guy looking for an apartment. Can we go? Callen: Would I live in a place like this? I don't even know if I can afford a place like this. Sam: That's why I'm showing you to see if you'd wanna live in a place like this. Callen: Does it have a Jacuzzi? Sam: If it has, I'm going to drown you in it.

Callen: Where are we with friends or lovers? Sam: There is this one stand out guy. Callen: Friend or lover? Dominic: Not really the question that jumped out at me. Callen: Informed guess? Dominic: He's a six foot three, two hundred pound, Special Forces paratrooper guy. Leaning towards a friend. Sam: Good call, Dom.

Sam: I'm definitely getting you a birthday card this year. Callen: Great. Make sure you put some money in it. Sam: How 'bout I put some personality in it.

The Only Easy Day [1.2] [edit] Hetty: Oh for the love of Gucci!

(Hetty finds Sam punching a bag) Sam: Why does something have to be wrong, can't a guy just get some exercise? Hetty: Pilates is exercise, beating the hell out of something is an aggressive expression of male frustration.

(Hetty finds Dom aggressively punching a bag) Hetty: What is the matter with you men? Dom: Sorry, I was just letting off a little steam. Hetty: Like the little engine that could. I know you lost a target, big deal… it happens… get over it! Dom: So, you heard about that. Hetty: Of course, I heard about it, I know what you ate for breakfast, Sweetie.

(Callen lets Sam go into interrogate Raspen) Nate: This is a bad idea. Callen: Trust me, Doc, sometimes you have to let the big dogs work it out.

Nate: Sam, I know you're angry and you take their action personally, but …… Sam: (Interrupting) Whoaa, Doc, do me a favor and stay out of my head!

Dom: It's hard being the new guy. Kensi: Try being the new girl, they used to make me crawl into air vents, under house just because I was the smallest one, yeah. When was the last time you had to put on a bikini for an assignment, yeah, that's right, try hiding a gun in your thong. Dom: Alright, I'd just never thought of it that way. Kensi: Yeah, well, it's obviously not like that anymore. I mean if you can prove you can protect yourself and protect your team, then they'll let up. If Sam is hard on you in the office it's just because he wants to protect you in the field……… Well of course, either that or he genuinely doesn't like you.

Nate: What is the world coming to when drug dealers aren't even safe in the comfort of their own fortified homes? Hetty: Oh, your professional psychological analysis is an invaluable asset to our team, Nate. Nate: Thanks, Hetty. Hetty: But your stand up needs some work, save it for open mike night.

(Eric whistles and everyone leaves, Dominic--standing with his back turned--doesn't notice) Hetty: Personally, I don't respond to being whistled at like a sheep dog, but Eric seems to have trained the others. So, I suggest you learn the appropriate Pavlovian response. (Dominic has a questioning look on his face) Which is GO!

Sam: SEALs work together as a team. Holgate had the tendency to act like a lone wolf, if you know what I'm talking about. Callen: Actually, half the time I don't know what you're talking about. And the rest of the time, I just disagree.

(Dom stands with his hands raised, unaware that Sam has left.) Hetty: What are you doing? Dom: Training. Hetty: To go undercover as a scarecrow?

Predator [1.3] [edit] Kensi: I'm the best first date girl in town, I mean I bring my A game; funny, flirty, charismatic, tasteful. Sam: Like me. Callen: And the second? Kensi: The second date, antsy, bored, distant, impatient, irritable. Sam: Like G.

Hetty: Few men know how to deal with a smart, strong independent woman. They say they want a soul mate to share their dreams and their hopes with; but all they really want is a substitute mommy. Nate: Okay, as a professional psychologist, I have to completely… Hetty: (interrupting) Nate, sit down! Nate: Cool, I'm going to sit.

Hetty: George Hamilton once told me that what men really love is a woman that plays hard to get… or was it Frank Sinatra? (Eric whistles) Nate: Saved by the whistle.

(Hetty handing out papers) Callen: Mission briefing? Hetty: Sexual harassment guidelines, there's a seminar next week, and it is mandatory even for you, Mr. Callen.

(The team is watching footage of a UAV attack) Sam: How fast can we get that footage off the web? Eric: With or without the cooperation of Sphereguide.com's legal department? (Sam looks at him) Okay, cutting through the legal tape…. I just crashed their entire server. Hetty: (yelling from her office) Idiot hackers!!! Eric: Uh-oh Callen: Sam, I think we are due in the boathouse. Sam: Walking (Callen and Sam walk away, passing Hetty walking in) Sam: Hi, Hetty Callen: Eric did it. Hetty: I was just watching that viral video with the cats and the trampoline and the site just froze up and crashed on me. Did you have anything to do with that?

Sam: So, what are we this time, a couple of salesmen who got lost, maybe some guys looking for an old college buddy? Callen: How about we're two armed federal agents trying to apprehend a terrorist? Sam: Oh, yeah.

(Hetty walks up behind Callen and Sam) Hetty: Is that blood, Mr. Hanna? Sam: Mostly. Hetty: Yours? Callen: Other guy's. Hetty: Can we bill him? Sam: Not anymore?

Jenson: I don't get close to people on the job. Trust me, you open that door up and you're asking for a needy, whiny slacker of a colleague. Callen: I know exactly what you mean. (After Jenson leaves) Sam: I don't whine, I'm not needy and I don't slack. Callen: Two out of three ain't bad.

Callen: Bad news is our only lead in this case is dead. Good news is you're off the hook for date number two. Kensi: Sure hop on the Kensi abuse train while there's still room.

Callen: (to Sam) You know your ears wiggle when you're trying to avoid a conversation? Its kinda of adorable.

Kensi:(as Razor Mantis) I will consider answering your question once the guy to your left stops IM-ing you about my bra size.

Hetty:(referring to the hackers) These guys have spent more time with their World of Warcraft avatars than real women who aren't called "Mom".

Nate: Whoa, what happened? Callen: Kaleem's dead. Nate: How? Callen: Shot. Sam: Blown up. Dom: You guys are thorough.

Search and Destroy [1.4] [edit] Kensi: So, Caldwell takes Amini out and sets up Flynn to take the fall. Then tortures his foster brother, Chad Ellis, to death. Sam: (to Nate) Shrinks have a term for someone like that, Doc? Nate: Yeah, really screwed up.

Vance: Eric. Eric: Director. Vance: Congratulations on the milestone. Eric: Aw, thank you. (chuckles) (Callen and Sam stare at Eric) Eric: Its Facebook, he's friend number five hundred. He was kinda honored.

Callen: Hey Eric, why don't you make Hetty one of your Facebook friends? Eric: She's friend number 251, she writes me everyday. In Greek.

(Hetty walks up to the group with a shirt.) Hetty: What is this Mr. Callen? Callen: Uh, that is a knit combed cotton. Hetty: With a bloodstain. Callen: I would never bleed on your wardrobe, it had to be a bad guy. Hetty: Good, bad or ugly I don't care. The point is you neglected to tell me about it and now its set long enough so that it might be permanent. Sam: Hetty, it's just a shirt. Hetty: No, no, no, no, this is not just a shirt. This is a Saville Row one hundred percent polished Egyptian cotton hand stitched with pearl buttons. That thing you're wearing is just a shirt. Sam: Yeah, but it's a comfy shirt. Hetty: (to Callen) Your new color scheme is black. Callen: I can live with black.

Eric: A few months ago he friended her. Uh, for you older guys thats the lingo for when someone asks you into their friends list. Sam: Whats the lingo for when someone smacks you with a flip flop?

Callen: (About an origami figure Sam made.) Is that a frog? Sam: Its a swan. Callen: From where, Chernobyl?

(Entering a tattoo parlor) Callen: What was your first like? Sam: Talkin' tats, right? Callen: Yeah, talkin' tats. Sam: San Diego, 16, nervous as hell, didn't really know what to expect. Afterwards I just kinda felt like a man, y'know? I don't know how else to explain it. (Sam licks his lips and smiles) Callen: We're talking tats, right? Sam: Yeah.

Callen: (to Nate) So, you don't have squat. Nate: I'd say it's more of a broad spectrum of possibilities. Sam: Yeah, that's what they call squat. Killshot [1.5] [edit] Sam: I guess they're still working on your office. Nate: Yup. Sam: Know when it's going to be ready? Nate: I don't know. Sam: Who knows? Nate: Hetty. Sam: You wanna ask her? Nate: You're armed, you ask her. Sam: You're the psychologist. Nate: Look, I've been trained to profile suspects and brief you guys on operations. And with three years of college, not to mention two more years to get my masters and doctorate and when it comes to Hetty ..... Clueless.

Callen: He's a bureaucrat, Sam thinks I have a deep-seated suspicion of them. Vance: I'm a bureaucrat, Agent Callen. Callen: I don't have a deep-seated suspicion of you, uh, Director.

(Callen, Sam and Jimmy dive for cover behind a car as an assassin fires at them.) Sam: You want to peak your head over and take a look? Callen: I'm good.

Hetty:And the duress word is...? Dom: Uh, uh. Hetty: He who hesitates... is lost, Dominic. In your line of work... dead. Dom: Uh, "shadows." Hetty:And with the utterance of that single word the cavalry will race to the rescue. Let's hope they don't get caught in traffic.

Dom: Oh sh…. Oh.. Uh, guys, I think I lost a button. Sam: You lost a button? Dom: Camera button. Nate: Whoa, whoa, you lost Hetty's camera button? Sam: (shaking head) Where'd you lose it? Dom: If I knew then it wouldn't be lost. Callen: Well, it's gotta be around here somewhere. Sam: We've got to find that button. Nate: How could you lose Hetty's camera button, I mean… Sam: (pointing) Just look under there (Callen, Sam, Nate and Dom begin looking around the scene.) Dom: Oh, nooo, Hetty's going to kill me. Keepin' It Real [1.6] [edit] (Discussing Agent Giordano) Callen: I don't date law enforcement. Sam: I think you might want to make an exception this time. Callen: Sam, you know the rule, if they've got their own handcuffs, I'm out.

(Dom and Eric looking at busty woman on surveillance video) Dom: Whoa! Eric: Hel-lo! Hetty: If only your vocabularies could be augmented as much. (walks away) Dom: Busted.

Hetty: Take her out to dinner. After the case is over. Callen: Agent Giordano? Hetty: Hmm and take Sam the next night, you know how he gets. Pushback [1.7] [edit] Vance: Somebody's been watching you Agent Callen. I need to know why. Anything you might have forgotten to tell me about? Callen: Not that would explain this.

(Nate and Kensi are whispering in Hetty's office.) Kensi: Where does she get this stuff? Nate: None of it is redacted, not a single word. Kensi: What if she is the redactor? Nate: There is a scary thought. Hetty is the cleaning house for censored government documents cleared to the public.

Sam: You got a plan? Callen: Yeah, How about we kick in his door and ask him why he is the only one of us that didn't get shot? Sam: I've used that one before. It's a very effective plan.

Kensi: So how does a former KGB agent end up so wealthy, so fast? Hetty: Because he knows where the bodies are buried. (pauses) Most likely because he's the one who buried them. Ambush [1.8] [edit] Eric: (calling down to the team) Hetty wants you upstairs. Oh and she said one point for whoever gets up here first. (Sam, Callen and Renko all run up the stairs, once in the operations room Hetty's not there.) Sam: (to Eric) Are you playin' us? Because you'd better not be.

(Hetty's on the speakerphone, briefing the team when Callen puts the phone on mute.) Callen: Am I the only one who thinks this is weird? Eric: Oh, yeah, we all think it's weird Callen: Just checkin'. (un-mutes phone) Hetty: I heard that Mr. Callen.

Vance: (greeting Hetty) Welcome to DC, Henrietta. Hetty: Director Vance, door-to-door service, how out of character. Vance: Well people can change and I owe you one, big time. Hetty: You do, especially for forcing me to leave the children in charge. Vance: How much trouble can they get into in eight hours?

(Phone rings, Eric answers.) Eric: This is Eric. Hetty: It's good to hear you still know who you are. Eric: Ah, Hetty, you having a good time in Washington? Hetty: The last person to have a good time in Washington was General Jubal Early in 1864, he was attacking it at the time.

(Callen's fumbling for something as he is chained to a stove with Sam.) Callen: That bobby pin. I started wearing it in the 90s. I haven't used it since then. Sam: That's the most well trained display of standard operating procedure I've ever seen from you.

(To reach Callen inside the militia camp, Sam lets himself and Callen be captured.) Callen: You wanna explain yourself? Sam: Explain myself? I saved your skinny ass. Callen: Let's see, I had a gun and a hostage before you got here. Now I'm chained to a stove with a concussion, that's a nice save. Sam: Ten more seconds, you'd have a dozen new bullet holes in you. Callen: Now what? Sam: I was hoping you had some ideas. Callen: I'm thinking I want my gun and my hostage back.

Callen: (looking at a teenage militia member) You've got to be kidding me. I'm being shot at by a Jonas Brother... And I think I'm about to meet the rest of the family.

Callen: You know that was really stupid coming in to get me. Sam: You're calling me stupid? You wanted to "Butch Cassidy" me. You wanted to run for it. Callen: Yeah, it wasn't my best idea. Sam: You wanted to "Custer's last stand" me. You want to "Alamo" me. Callen: You going to put that in your little report, with color-coded tabs? Sam: Yeah, tabs marked "Dumb ass idea". Callen: Nice job, Special Agent Hanna. Sam: Aah, you said it. You feel good? Callen: Nah, it cheapens the work. Random on Purpose [1.9] [edit] (Callen walks in, sees the office has been re-organized, stands and stares.) Sam: Morning, G. (Notices the office.) When did that happen? Callen: Don't know. Kensi: Morning, guys. (Notices the office.) Whoa, who did this? Callen: Don't know. Kensi: Where's our stuff? Callen: Don't know. Sam: Think it's safe to go in? Callen: Don't know.

(Discussing the office remodeling.) Kensi: Could be one of Nate's psych experiments. Sam: I'm not one of Nate's lab rats.

(Still discussing the office remodeling.) Nate: Organization and productivity are directly related. Cleanliness is next to…..um….efficiency. Kensi: So, you moved our stuff? Nate: I tried to stop her. Callen: Hetty. She's the only one... (Callen pauses as Hetty walks up.) Hetty: Continue, Mr. Callen, continue. Callen: ...With the authority. Hetty: Ah..um.. Nate, if your comment that "They might be miffed" constitutes trying to stop me, I suggest you learn more forceful techniques of self-assertion. Not that I would have listened.

Vance: I'm sending our top forensics specialist to assist you. Sam: But there are no forensics. Vance: Our forensic expert has a theory about this crime that's, shall we say original. Thinks McEllon is the victim of a serial killer. No other law enforcement agency in this country thinks this killer even exists. Can't say I do either. Callen: And you're sending this person why? Vance: I was ganged up on. (Vance signals for an end to the video conference.) Callen: Who gangs up on the director of a federal agency? Hetty: Oh, you'd be surprised Mr. Callen.

Abby: So, I'm sure Leon has told you I know who killed McEllon. Eric: Wait, you call him Leon? Abby: You don't? Eric: Not successfully. Abby: Give it time.

Callen: (sighing) I'm just curious, why you pressured Vance to send Abby. Hetty: He wasn't buying her "Phantom" theory. He needed goosing. Callen: So, you want us chasing "The Phantom"? Hetty: Mr. Callen is that what you think? Callen: I don't know. There's...There's been some meddling around here. And I'm a little fuzzy on the command chain. Hetty: This case lacks forensics. As your Operations Manager, I procured for you our best scientist to help you. You, as the head agent, are free to pursue whatever theory of crime makes the most sense. There's no fuzziness, Callen. You still shoot the ducks. I just row the boat.

(Callen and Sam are following a suspect.) Callen: Now is that a casual walk away or is that an 'I see two guys who may be law enforcement' walk away?

(Callen and Sam are discussing options of how to get into a building through the sky light.) Callen: Miami? Sam: No, Miami was half the height and we still got all busted up. Callen: One of us may land soft enough and get the shot. Sam: Yeah, if one of us is Peter Pan.

Brimstone [1.10] [edit] (Nate walks in wearing a suit and tie.) Sam: Oh. Mr. GQ, what's up with the big boy clothes? Callen: Huh, what, has somebody got a big date? Nate: No. Sam: Mommy in town for the holidays? Nate: No, thank goodness. Callen: Job interview? Sam: You're leaving us? Kensi: Uh, who, who's leaving us? Callen: Nate's got a job interview. Kensi: Where? Nate: Nowhere, I don't have a job interview. I just thought I would dress up today. Callen: Uh-huh, you backed into Hetty's Jag. Sam: Again. Nate: NO! And don't even kid about that.

Kensi: God, I love men in suits. Sam: And uniforms. Callen: And costumes. Kensi: When did I date anybody who wore a costume? Sam: What about the pirate guy? Callen: Didn't he make you wear a milkmaid outfit? Kensi: That was for a Renaissance fair and I was a wench. Callen: So much better.

(Nate approaches Sam who is working on a bomb at his desk.) Nate: Wow, um... Shouldn't you be working on that somewhere a little more secure? Sam: Like where? Nate: Uh, I don't know a room with armor-plated walls comes to mind. Sam: Lights good in here. Nate: I will buy you a lamp. Sam: King said it was defused. He seemed to know what he was doing. Nate: The million dollar question is do you know what you're doing?

Callen: (About Nate's tie) Full Windsor? Nate: Really? Again with the tie? Callen: I had you pegged more as a half Windsor kinda of guy. Nate: Is that supposed to have some sort of meaning? Callen: You're the Psychologist.

(Hetty gives Nate a new tie after he spilled something on his.) Nate: You think I could pull off a bow tie? Hetty: Not without a red rubber nose and those big floppy shoes.

Hetty: (to Nate) You know in my experience if you're patient, sooner or later, the people who need to talk will seek you out; often under the guise of some other intention. You just have to listen.

(Callen, Sam and Kensi return after completing their mission.) Kensi: Looks like Hetty is still here. Sam: She worries. Callen: Not like she'd ever let us know. Hetty: I had some paperwork that needed to be completed before tomorrow, Mr. Callen; some of us take our paperwork seriously.

(Hetty is sharing how she came by the bottle of scotch the team is drinking.) Hetty: That's what Oliver Reed thought when he tried to make me his special musketeer one night. But he kept his sword in his scabbard and I kept the scotch. Kensi: (Laughs) Looks like you also started without us Hetty!

Hetty: What did you do to your tie? Nate: Oh, I, uh, spilled something on it. Hetty: Ah. Nate: Yeah. Should I get it dry cleaned? Hetty: Well, that's an option. Nate: Soda water? Hetty: Well, I'd recommend donation or incineration, not in that order. Nate: You don't like this tie, it was a gift. Hetty: Obviously not from a loved one. Breach [1.11] [edit] (Callen walks into Hetty's office.) Hetty: I already sent the others upstairs. Callen: Good morning, Hetty. Hetty: Well that's a matter of perspective, Mr. Callen. Uh, I've been doing some accounting and I came a crossed anomaly in your expenses. This is a fourteen hundred dollar restaurant bill from Matsukisa. Callen: Um-hmm, that's from the Miygomi case. Hetty: You mean it's not a mistake? You actually spent fourteen hundred dollars on raw fish! Callen: Not me, my alias Tony Z did. Hetty: Ah, ah, ah and is Tony Z going to reimburse me? Callen: Well, you'll have to ask him. Hetty: Uh-huh Callen: Hetty, when I go undercover as a beach bum, I eat off the Kogi truck. When I'm going after a high roller, I've got to hit it a little harder. Hetty: Try ordering soup, player.

(The team opens a refrigerator and a body falls out.) Sam: Well, he's clearly past his expiration date.

(Hetty has just told the team that they have to back off the case-immediately.) Callen: We're putting together a good case here, a big one. Sam: Hetty, Zafari's up to something, we can't stop now. Hetty: This is coming from "on high". When I say "on high", I mean those with the political venom to end the careers of each and every one of us, including Director Vance. Kensi: I can't believe this, all we need is a little more time. Hetty: I know, I know. If I may slip into the vernacular, "It Sucks". But when you hear from again in an hour or so, you will shut this down. Past Lives [1.12] [edit] (The team is discussing possible activities for their group outing) Dom: How about Disneyland? Kensi: I hate Disneyland. (Sam walks in.) Callen: Kensi hates Disneyland. Sam: The happiest place on earth. Kensi: I have issues with grown men in furry costumes. (Nate walks in.) Sam: Unless it's Thursday night? Nate: What are we talking about? Dom: Quality time with the team. Callen: Apparently it's been too long since we hung out unless there's a corpse involved.

(The team is discussing possible activities for their group outing.) Kensi: Cowboy bar on Sunset? Callen: With the mechanical bull? Kensi: Yeah! Callen: No! Hetty plus mechanical bull plus tequila shots equals bar fight. Trust me I've been there.

(Discussing possible activities for the team outing) Nate: Bowling, it's great competition, builds camaraderie and you get to wear those funny shoes. Sam & Callen: (Unison) No bowling! Nate: Okay, what about the cowboy bar on Sunset? (Hetty walks in) Hetty: Oh, that sounds like fun. Sam: There's a mechanical bull, Hetty. Hetty: Oh, no, never mind.

Callen: Dom? Is that a doll? Dom: Uh-huh no, it's a one of only five hundred Alpha Centauri Imperial Class Guardians Bobble-heads in the entire world. This is not a doll. Callen: You're playing with an alien doll? At work?

Missing [1.13] [edit] (Kensi hands Ty the camera from Dom's car.) Kensi: Ty, could you look at this? Ty: Aw, poor little fellow. Who'd want to shoot you? Kensi: You talk to your computer parts? Ty: Do you talk to your plants when you water 'em? Kensi: Just my orchids, but they can be tricky.

LD 50 [1.14] [edit] Callen (To Hettie): Sam Sees the glass as half full. I see it as half empty; that's why we make a good team. Kensi on the other hand just drinks right out of the bottle, Nate wonders why it has to be glass, and Eric usually breaks the glass by putting his feet up on the table.

Callen: Sam doesn't play well with others and he doesn't like to share his toys. The Bank Job [1.15] [edit] (Sam and Callen enter the office and see a box with a snake on the desk.) Sam: Whoa, not cool. Callen: Definitely not cool. Sam: You want me to handle this? Callen: Knock yourself out. Sam: (Examines the box)It's stuffed, it's a king cobra, and its venom could kill a grown man inside fifteen minutes. Callen: I thought those things were bigger. Sam: Yeah, not so big until he stretches out and locks on to your butt.

Callen: You really have a GSA class six safe in your den? Sam: Told you, I have to keep my valuables safe. Callen: What valuables? Sam: (laughs) I have a mint condition Patrick Ewing rookie card, a football signed by the 1986 New York Giants and the entire run of the Silver Surfer comic book series. Plus, a couple of tickets for the Lakers-Nicks tomorrow night. And they're both spoken for. Callen: What else? Sam: What do you mean, what else? Why does there have to be a what else? Callen: Because that was way too easy. (Sam laughs) And because that is your 'I'm hiding something' laugh. Sam: There is nothing else. Callen: There is definitely something else. Sam: (pulling up in front of a suspect's house) We're here. Callen: That can't be it. Sam: Conversation's over. Callen: Is this a Navy Seals thing? Sam: I'll show you a Navy Seals thing. (They get out of the car) Callen: I'm waiting. Sam: I have a Michael Jackson glove, from the Bad tour in '87. He threw it out in the front row of the Madison Square Garden show. Callen: One of those white gloves? Sam: He was the King of Pop, G. Callen: Yeah. With the sequins? Sam: The King of Pop. Callen: Why was it just one glove and not two? Sam: If you have to ask, you just don't get it.

(Eric is discussing the planned bank heist) Sam: Then why pay a heist crew? Why not hire a hacker? Eric: Because banks have unique security protocols for funds frozen by the FBI. You have to have physical access to the actual terminal to move the money. Callen: But that's never stopped you before. Eric: Well, most hackers don't have access to the toys that I do. I can make us all very wealthy in about two minutes. (Sam & Callen stare at him) I mean if you wanted me to. (They keep staring) Not that you would want me to, not that I would want to. I'm just saying...you know.

(The team discusses using Kensi to flirt with the bank's inside man) Kensi: Am I the only one who wonders why there's a suspect in every case who happens to be a bachelor? Nate: Well, seeing as how criminals tend to be male with anti-social proclivities… Kensi: And also wonders why that always seems to be the vector that we go after first? Hetty: The lowest hanging fruit is the easiest to pick, Agent Blye. Chinatown [1.16] [edit] Sam: You don't have a TV, you don't read the newspaper, you clearly don't spend any time getting ready. Callen: Maybe I was working out. Sam: Huh, you don't work out. Callen: I run. Sam: Yeah, when people are shooting at us! Callen: You know what? I slept in. Sam: With who? You barely sleep. Callen: There's nobody. Sam: Come on, I think it would be great for you to be in a relationship. Callen: Sam, how many times do we have this conversation- you're my partner not my mother. Sam: (makes a womans voice) I just want you to be happy and find a good girl.

Sam: What are the chances this isn't a suicide? Eric: I'd say about zero percent. Callen: What do you know that we don't? Eric: Mmmmm.. The words to every TV theme song? Full Throttle [1.17] [edit] Eric: I'm a firm believer that what you drive reflects who you are. Sam: [chuckles] Exactly. Eric: Whatever. Sam: [looking at Callen] The way you drive.

Nate: What Admin Division is encrypted? Kensi: The ones used to cover something confidential.

Sam: Take Kensi. [Everyone looks at Sam] Sam: Yeah, you heard me. I know you're taking PCH. I'm not sitting in traffic. So, I'll find everything I can about Yeoman Rush. You two suck exhaust for the next two hours. Callen: Suit yourself. Come on Kens. Hey, what do you say we, uh, stop for donuts? Kensi: I love donuts. Sam: You didn't say anything about donuts!

Allison Pritchett: Street racing's a growing problem. These kids spend more than the car's worth making them go fast. And for what? Kensi: [looking at Allison's purse] Same reason some people spend their mortgage payment on their purse, I guess.

Callen: I was chasing a suspect! Hetty: Ah. Sam: [looking at the picture] No. That was - that was our day off. You were late picking me up for a King's game. [to Callen] Sam: No donut, no love.

Mr. Loobertz: We put the "cool" in school. Callen: Wouldn't that be "chool"? Mr. Loobertz: The "h" is silent. Callen: [quietly to himself] I'm in Ell.

Sam: You gotta admire their spirit. One tragedy after another, and they just keep moving on. Kensi: You have to otherwise, it eats you alive.

Kensi: Give me a wrench. [Nate hands her a wrench.] Kensi: Whoa! Easy there, cowboy! This baby's suffered enough. Nate: Sorry, didn't know you cared so much. Kensi: Well, what can I say? Grease is my favorite perfume.

Sam: It's just traffic school, how hard can that be? Callen: Remember those Libyans that took us off their troller? Sam: Really? Callen: The Libyans don't sing. Sam: There's singing? Callen: And puppets.

Allison Pritchett: Tokan was James' idea. None of the guys would race a woman. You know guys and their egos.

Omar Alvarez: Hey, what about me, huh? I-I got radiation poisoning. Come - come on. I-I need medical attention. Sam: Hey, hey, hey. I'm gonna give you two of these, okay? [Drops two pills in Omar's mouth.] Sam: Better? Omar Alvarez: Hey man! Those were breath mints! Sam: Never underestimate the importance of good oral hygiene.

Callen: We're only going to get one chance at this. Hetty: [enters] Then let's not screw it up. Having said that, I've made some adjustments to the Challenger. Sam: "My" Challenger? Hetty: It may be your car, Sam. But Uncle Sam pays the gas.

Callen: [after hearing about modifications made to Sam's car.] My car? Hetty: From what we've seen, Mr. Callen. You don't seem to need any help. Callen: I figured.

Nick Stringer: [referring to Sam's car.] What the hell do you have in that thing, dude? Sam: So high above your pay grade, you wouldn't recognize the view. How was your flight? Turn over. Turn over!

Hetty: I hope you guys are better liars out on the street. Callen: Hetty, I'm offended. Hetty: Tough. I've removed the Supercharger from the Challenger. Sam: Why would you do that? Hetty: Oh geeze, I wonder. Blood Brothers [1.18] [edit] (Sam and Callen enter the office, Sam finds a Chinese spear and begins playing with it.) Callen: Do I have to remind you of the nunchuk incident? You get hurt; you're driving yourself to the ER. That's all I'm saying.

Hetty: Go with God, Mister Callen or whoever it is who watches over you. Callen: I have a guardian angel. She's tiny, but very tough.

Callen: You wanna be briefed on this? Hetty: I don't know. Do I? Callen: I can run it by Director Vance, if you prefer. Hetty: Oh Lord, no. One of the reasons I'm here is to protect him as a designated fall guy. 'I had no previous knowledge of the operation, Mister Secretary. That mad woman went off her rocker and acted autonomously.' Callen: You're the first line of defense? Hetty: Yeah, you gotta get by me first.

(Eric blows a whistle from the balcony to the rest of the team) Eric: All hands on deck Callen: (to Hetty) You gave him a whistle? Hetty: Oh, do I look as if I have gone daft? I'd sooner give a chain saw to a spider monkey. At least I took his Segway away. I'll speak to Mr. Beale. Sam: Sooner than later, okay. Because the next time he toots that thing, he won't be using his lips. Hand to Hand [1.19] [edit] (Hetty asks Deeks to be the liaison between NCIS and LAPD and hands him a file) Deeks: Hmm...Who are you guys?...I mean…I mean...H-how did you get all this information?..I mean the only thing missing here is….. :(She hands him a pen) Hetty: No need to date it. Fame [1.20] [edit] (Kensi and Deeks talking through their earpieces) Deeks: I'm gonna call you Fern, okay? Kensi: Don't you DARE call me Fern! (Deeks walking toward Kensi) Deeks: Fern! Baby girl! Found [1.21] [edit] (Eric is frustrated trying to get information from a wet computer) Hetty: You know I despise your wardrobe, particularly those flip-flops, not to mention you surfboard leaning preciously close to my car. The sand you track into the OPS center or the millions of dollars of top-secret technology you use to play your frivolous video games. Eric: I only left my surfboard near you car once… twice. I don't do it anymore. Hetty: But I tolerate it all, for the most part. And, do you know why, Mr. Beale? Eric: My playful kitten-like personality? I-I don't know why I just said that. I make jokes when I'm nervous… using humor as a defense mechanism. It's a bad habit. I don't even know why I'm still talking. Hetty: I tolerate it because you are unequalled at what you do. I am the way I am because I demand the best. This is an elite unit whose unparalleled success rests on the superior skills of those who work here. And that's why I know if anyone can fix this, it is you. Hunted [1.22] [edit] Callen: You okay? Eric: I'm not comfortable with authority figures. It's why I do what I do, computers don't talk back. Well, I mean technically they can, but even then I can manipulate the voice to make it soothing, if you want. Sexy, even. Callen: Too much information!

Callen: Agents Callen and Hanna, NCIS. Major Medina: Major Rick Medina, Army CID out of Washington. I just got an earful from my boss, who got an earful from your boss. Meaning I'm already prone not to like you guys. Sam: I'm not feeling a lot of love for you right now either. Burned [1.23] [edit] Nate: What's Callen going to do now? Hetty: What he does best. Become a ghost. Sam: Um, so we can't find him? Hetty: Not until he's ready to be found.

Hetty: Oh, Mr. Callen, is this your third cell phone of the day? Callen: I'm keeping receipts.

Callen: What happened to protocol? Hetty: It went out the proverbial damn window. I've been thinking a great deal about your situation. Nate has misgivings about your state of mind. Callen: Well, he's going to have to get in line. Hetty: During this crisis, he thought he should have a gun. Callen: You didn't? Hetty: Perish the thought.

Callen: Eric, I need you to bring our servers back online. I want you to re-activate the computer virus that Keelson introduced to our system. Eric: Are you serious? Callen: Very. Eric: You're asking me to commit technological malpractice. Callen, G [1.24] [edit] Kort: I'm rather fond of Los Angeles, (Looks at Kensi) Maybe I'll put in for a transfer. Sam: I hope not. Season 2 [edit] Human Traffic [2.1] [edit] Hetty: Second unrelated question, do you have plans for this weekend? Nate: Plans? Hetty: Plans. Nate: Uh, are you asking me out? No, that'd be weird. No, no plans.

Eric: Gotta love that bureaucracy. Nate: The bureaucracy we work for? Eric: Like I said, love that bureaucracy. Black Widow [2.2] [edit] Sam: You were a magician once. Callen: Not magician, illusionist. Sam: You bought a white rabbit, G. Callen: It came with the hat. Borderline [2.3] [edit] Callen: I'm all for going green, reducing our footprints, but if Hetty has her way we're going to be reusing our bullets. Sam: She just wants us to recover our brass, if possible. Callen: Reusable water bottles, no more paper towels, no more paper cups, what's next to go? Sam: Saving the planet, G. Callen: Don't come whining to me when she replaces our toilet paper with used post its.

Deeks: I think theres something wrong with you hot water heater Hetty: The showers are on a timer Mister Deeks you cleary went over the recommended amount of time. Kensi: You might want to make an exception in his case Hetty Deeks: I'll have you know I won the hygiene award in high school Eric: What kind of school awards you for bathing? Deeks: I don't know, a sparkly clean one?

Deeks: How certain are you about your tracks? Kensi: I'd bet your life on it. Deeks: awesome...

Kensi: Ready to go for a little ride? (Deeks smirks) On the bikes, Deeks, on the bikes. Deeks: I didn't say anything.

Callen: We did realize he'd just gotten back from.... Hetty: Oh yes. His mission. Sam: which was were exactly? Hetty: The peoples republic of... none of you damn business. Callen: Is that where he learned to shoot? Hetty: No I gave him a few pointers. Sam: apperently the peoples republic of none of your damn business can be a dangerous place.

Callen: What's the safe word? Sam: Headlock. Callen: Really? Use headlock in a sentence. Sam: I wasn't planning on using it.

Hetty: (To Nate as he leaves) Keep you wits sharp, your heart open and your gun loaded. Special Delivery [2.4] [edit] Kensi: Nell's been here less than a week, and has already taken over whistle duties. Eric is not a happy camper. Sam: Ah, he shouldn't worry. It won't be long before she's folding her tent like all the others. Deeks: Because? Callen: Many mysteries of Hetty. For some reason intelligence analysts just seen to rub her the wrong way. Little Angels [2.5] [edit] Standoff [2.6] [edit] Deeks: Hence the ten-year rule. Kensi: Mhm? Deeks: You should always know your partner at least ten years prior to marrying them. You date me for a decade, you deserve my hand in marriage. Kensi: That sounds so much more like a punishment than a reward.

Kensi: Dead guy Deeks Deeks: Now you see that wasn't funny Kensi: Not you idiot, dead guy Deeks: Oh yeah, dead guy... well dressed dead guy. Anonymous [2.7] [edit] Bounty [2.8] [edit] Hetty Lange: "I sense impending mayhem...and perhaps an outrageous petty cash request." G. Callen: "One question." Sam Hanna: "Do you trust us?" Absolution [2.9] [edit] Guns are drawn French Intelligence Operative: Federal agents! Don't move! Deeks: LAPD! French Intelligence Operative: NSA! Kensi: NCIS! Deeks: M O U S E! Everyone flashes badges and then puts their guns away French Intelligence Operative: What are you doing here? Kensi: This is our case. French Intelligence Operative: Sebastian Renner was a foreign national with information considered a threat to the United States of America. Kensi: Still our case. French Intelligence Operative: We don't have to be adversaries, after all we are on the same side. Perhaps we can work together. Have you found anything that might be....[Gets kicked in the gonads by Kensi] Deeks: WHOA!!!!!! [Kensi then puts her knee into the guys face knocking him unconscious and Deeks fights with the guy's partner and wins by body slaming him into a table leaving the partner unconscious. ] What are you doing? You heard the guy! We're on the same side!! Kensi: I'm pretty sure they're not NSA. Deeks: Pretty sure? Because you teed off on him like you were kicking a field goal! Kensi: Deeks! I've got a hunch they're foreign operatives, ok? Deeks: A hunch! You don't kick a guy in his junk on a hunch. Geez! Sometimes I don't even know you! Who does that?

Later, in the boat shed Sam: Where are they now? Deeks: Had my LAPD buddies lock 'em up downtown for a few hours. You know, give 'em a taste of the real LA that's not in the star tours. Callen: They probably have diplomatic immunity. Deeks: That's exactly why we put them in county. I mean they're going to be lucky if they get to make a phone call by Christmas! Sam: Hm. Deeks: Just uh...don't let Kensi interrogate them. Callen: Why is that? Deeks: Well, cause the guy on the right, she kicked him right in the nom de plumes. Sam: No!!!!! Deeks: Guy didn't even have his weapon out! Callen: Really? Kensi: I... Deeks: Uh huh. right in the cul-de-sac. Kicked him so hard it gave me a stomach ache! Kensi: So what! It would have been better if I had pistol whipped him across the face? Deeks, Callen and Sam : Yes! Deliverance [2.10] [edit] Disorder [2.11] [edit] Callen: Dare I ask what we did to deserve this, Hetty? Hetty: Rest assured, Mr. Callen, I never give gifts unless they perfectly suit the recipients. Callen: And perfection struck four times today? Hetty: ...Happy Holidays everyone!

Kensi: Hetty's never given us anything for Christmas before. Why this year? Callen: Exactly. Deeks: Because she knows I like surprises. Sam: You guys ever feel like we're stuck babysitting some kid whose parents won't come to get him - ever.

Sam: No, no, no, no, that's a nice spice rack. Deeks: I know. Sam: I bought it myself. I bought it for Hetty Christmas 2008! Callen: Scented candle? Smells like sage. Kensi: Jasmine...I gave that to Hetty two years ago. Callen: Same scent? Kensi: Same candle.

Sam: I don't run around... giving gifts to just anyone. Takes a cold woman to do me like that. Callen: And you took a lot of thought into that spice rack, and the sweater. Sam: You still have those steak knives I gave you? Callen: ...Yes. Sam: Okay.

Kensi: What if we take him back to the crime scene to jog his memory? Navy Commander Dr. Stanfill: I wouldn't recommend that. There's a strong chance that if he's re- exposed, it'll trigger a major panic episode. Deeks: So we may *never* know what happened in the house last night? Navy Commander Dr. Stanfill: This man has no family and no friends. The trauma he experienced while deployed has driven him into complete isolation. Frankly, forgetting what happened last night may be the best thing for him.

Kensi: (about her ex-fiance) He said life over there was like falling through the sky. Constant rush of adrenaline. Everything felt vivid and real...And coming home to me - coming home to me felt like hitting the ground. And I did - I did everything I could. (Kensi starts sobbing) Kensi: Oh my...I worked with a psychiatrist. I helped with his meds and I listened. I always listened - *always*. It was Christmas morning, I woke up and he was gone. Former Navy Lieutenant Lance Talbot: Where he go? (Kensi shakes her head) Deeks: (from observation) She's - she's playing him. She's trying to get him to open up, right? (Callen and Sam exchange looks)

Former Navy Lieutenant Lance Talbot: You know your ex was right. It's exactly like falling through the sky. And - and that's why what you're suggesting scares me. I already hit the ground when I came back from Afghanistan. What if it happens again? Kensi: I will be right there to catch you.

Deeks: Were you ever tempted to go looking for him? Kensi: Maybe I was hoping one day, he would come looking for me.

Sam: Kensi, I know what you're going through. I've been there. Kensi: I watched Jack...slip away. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Sam: I don't believe that for one minute. I know what it's like to have someone I care about come back from deployment a different person. Kensi: After all that Talbot's been through, I'm going to do everything in my power to help him! Sam: Kensi, Talbot's not Jack.

Former Navy Lieutenant Lance Talbot: So what do we do now? Kensi: We'll, uh, we do what most families do on Christmas Eve. Deeks: Watch Uncle Bob get drunk and pee in a toaster?

Deeks: Turkey sandwiches for everyone? 'Kensi: Actually, tradition in my house was ice cream and beer. Deeks: Really? Kensi: Don't knock it til you've tried it. Deeks: Oh, I've tried it. Although it was 7th grade and it didn't end pretty for anyone. Unless of course, you like Jackson Pollock.

Kensi: (Waking up after being knocked out) I had a dream. I was um, being visited by the Three Wise Men, and then I saw Deeks.

Deeks: Kensi. Kensi! Kensi: I'm good to go! Sam: I don't think you are. And it has nothing to do with the head wound. Deeks: I'm driving. Kensi: (tosses him the keys) Fine. Scratch my car, I'll Ben Gay your shorts.

Kensi: When he thought I was getting suspicious, he confessed to killing both of them, thinking his PTSD would cover him. I should have seen through it. Callen: LAPD, the entire US Navy, his own psychologist didn't get it. What makes you so special? Overwatch [2.12] [edit] Deeks: The report says it's a home invasion gone bad. Yousef Afzal was killed by blunt force trauma to the head, he was hit, he fell, and then died. Kensi: And then half autopsied. Sam: And then stolen. Callen: That's a bad day, even for a dead guy.

Callen: So why do you steal a dead body? Kensi: Proof of death. Sam: Satanic ritual. Deeks: Cannibalism. [Kensi, Callen and Sam look at him] Deeks: I was just thinking outside the box. Sam: You need to get back in the box. Archangel [2.13] [edit] Deeks: That had better be a real badge, or my partner will kick you in the FBI balls. Lock Up [2.14] [edit] Hetty: (to Sam) There will be a time and a place for what you want. And I promise you; you'll have it. Tin Soldiers [2.15] [edit] Sam: Besides you don't look like a cop. Deeks: All this *gestures at his face* is so I can go under cover. Sam: As what? Shaggy from Scooby-doo? Kensi: He's right, you do kind of look like Shaggy!

Deeks: Well why don't we act like partners to save our partners so you and i don't have to be partners. Empty Quiver [2.16] [edit] Sam: Need to stop this video Eric! Eric: Video's already in the cloud, the auto run script executable is about to go live, I'm almost there.... Sam: Eric!! Eric: Video's been disabled guys. Hetty: What did you just do? Eric: I used a VNC controller to piggyback the upload with a Trojan and corrupt the streaming data packets by initiating the stack buffer overflow. Hetty: (pause) In English, Mr. Beal? Eric: Oh...I broke the Internet. (Nell punches Eric's shoulder)

Kensi: Oh hey, guys! What did Eric do with the video? Sam: He shut down the Internet. Kensi: (looking astonished) What....the WHOLE Internet? Sam: (matter-of-fact) Yeah. Deeks: Even Twitter? Whoa. Personal [2.17] [edit] Deeks: The hospital asked me for my next of kin. Who should I put? Hetty: Lang. Henrietta Harm's Way [2.18] [edit] Eric: (whistles for the team) You hear the shrill, you know the drill!

Deeks: (walking into a suspect's motel room) Ya know, for a guy who lived here for 18 months, he sure doesn't have much to show for it. He's got no big screen flat plasma TV... Kensi: (clicking on laptop) Computer's configured for Arabic. Deeks: (opens fridge) No beer. No funky, week-old cloths in the corner. No pizza boxes. This is very un-American. Kensi: (picks up passport) Felix Attino. Colombian. Deeks: That explains why he's un-American, but not why he speaks Arabic. Kensi: (picks up a second passport) This would. A Yemini passport. Look at the name. (passport reads: Saadat Habaza) Deeks: We just found Abdul's brother.

Sam: This isn't the way home. Callen: Nope. Promised Hetty I'd get her a futah. Bright colors. Sam: Better get her two. Imposters [2.23] [edit] Hetty: Being in charge sucks, Mr. Callen. Everyone looks to you for guidance and answers - even when you have none to give. Callen: Well, I've never known you to ever be at a loss for words. Hetty: The true test of a commander is when he is as frightened and confused as those who look up to him. In that moment, when you can't find it in yourself, you will find it in them. That's leadership.

Kensi Blye: [flashing her badge] NCIS. Monica Davis: Excuse me? Kensi Blye: Too many letters? Federal agent. â€‹Season 4 / Episode 17: - Wanted

Sam Hanna: [sarcastically] Thanks for having my back in there, partner. G. Callen: I will take a bullet for you, but wives are a whole other thing. Sam Hanna: I'll remember that. â€‹Season 4 / Episode 17: - Wanted

CIA Agent Michael Snyder: He also likes blondes. Kensi Blye: All right, I will wear a wig, but I will not dye my hair for this man. CIA Agent Vokstanik Sabatino: Wouldn't help. You're not his type. Kensi Blye: [Long pause] What's his type? [Snyder and Sabatino smirk and look at Deeks] Marty Deeks: No. Really?... Come on! â€‹Season 3 / Episode 24: - Payback (II)

G. Callen: [about Assistant Director Granger] Sometimes, I really hate that guy. Sam Hanna: Only sometimes? â€‹Season 3 / Episode 24: - Payback (II)

Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: [to AD Granger, about the Chameleon] There's one thing that he should be, but he's not: dead. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 21: - Touch of Death

Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: [greeting Danny and Chin Ho] You are the first outsiders to ever step foot into this operations center. It shows you the severity of the situation. Danny 'Danno' Williams: Well, I appreciate you not blindfolding us. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 21: - Touch of Death

G. Callen: You've never jumped out of a plane? Danny 'Danno' Williams: No, I've never jumped out of plane on purpose. Of course, I've never been involved in a blood feud, either. How does that happen, exactly? G. Callen: It's a Romani thing. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 19: - Vengeance

G. Callen: You're right. SEALs wouldn't kill for jealousy. Sam Hanna: But they would kill a traitor. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 16: - K. Blye

NCIS Assistant Director Owen Granger: Is that a veiled threat, Agent Hanna? Sam Hanna: I don't do veiled. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Sam Hanna: Scuttlebutt is Granger's gone. Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Oh that. G. Callen: Do we need t check your trunk? Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: I wish. No, I think this is a temporary reprieve. I think he's off tormenting some other division. He'll come back when he grows bored making their lives a living Hell. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: I wouldn't think any less of you if you decided to sit this one out, Mr. Hanna. Sam Hanna: I don't sit things out. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Nell Jones: You get a hit on the SUV? Eric Beale: Kaliedescope's got nothing. You'd think that a car with front end damage and bullet holes in the windshield would make this easier. Nell Jones: This is L.A... â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Marty Deeks: The real question is: do you think you were born a tomboy or did you become one because your father really wanted a son? Kensi Blye: You did *not* just say that! â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Sam Hanna: [after Sam waterboards a suspect] What do you think? G. Callen: I think you scared the Hell out him. In fact, you were starting to scare me... Sam Hanna: That was the point. G. Callen: Point taken. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

G. Callen: He's got a grenade! Marty Deeks: Oh come on! Who does that? Alex Elmslie: I appreciate your help, but I can't come in with you. I only have *12 hours* to find my family! Kensi Blye: What if you don't? Marty Deeks: I don't have much of a choice. Sam Hanna: Are you really prepared to kill Jada? Marty Deeks: ...Please don't try to follow me. I'm sorry. [Alex puts down the grenade and runs away] â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Sam Hanna: What are former French Operatives doing in our country, period? Marty Deeks: You'd think they'd have learned their lesson after Kensi kicked one of their ferers in the croissants. Kensi Blye: You know it. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Sam Hanna: Eric. Eric Beale: I know. I know. We're running out of time. Just cause I make it look easy, doesn't mean it is. G. Callen: Yeah, we know that. Just - relax and take your time, okay? Just - not too much time. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Eric Beale: Just promise you won't... hurt me if it doesn't work. Sam Hanna: Have I ever hurt you, Eric? Eric Beale: No. Sam Hanna: There could always be a first time. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Tahir Khaled: [to Sam during a video chat] I would never allow anyone to harm my sister... No, when Jada dies, it will be at my hands - as will you. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Sam Hanna: Everything that's happened... everything we've been through... I had no choice. Jada Khaled: I am trying to understand. I wish I could. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 13: - Exit Strategy

Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Sooner or later our sins seem to catch up to us. Night Mr. Callen. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Marty Deeks: You uh, you missed a - button. Kensi Blye: Oh. You heard the guy. He was this close to giving up his partner. I had him eating out my hand. Marty Deeks: How's that? Kensi Blye: Just drive. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Assistant Director Owen Granger: Special Agent G. Callen. G. Callen: Who are you? Assistant Director Owen Granger: The direct approach. You know, that's an interesting approach, unless of course, you're walking into a trap. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Assistant Director Owen Granger: That's great. You brought your entire team with you. Unfortunately, it makes it so much easier to blow you all up. [Callen tackles Granger. Sam points his weapon at Granger] Sam Hanna: Twitch - I shoot. Assistant Director Owen Granger: Is that a catchphrase? â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Assistant Director Owen Granger: I wanted to see this team in action. Sam Hanna: You almost saw this team kill you. Assistant Director Owen Granger: That would've been awkward. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

G. Callen: Nell is an I*ntelligence Analyst - not an agent. If someone's going undercover, it should be one of us. Assistant Director Owen Granger: It's a think tank, Agent Callen, not a cartel. Miss Jones has the training. And besides having an IQ? that's higher than your combined credit scores, Miss Jones was actively recruited by Brendell Research along with other think tanks before winding up here. It's what we call a "no brainer."... Keep me updated. [Granger starts to leave. As he passes Kensi] Agent Blye, I'd like to speak to you about your recent trips to Hawaii when you get the chance. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Eric Beale: So Assistant Director Granger, are you moving to the west coast permanently? Assistant Director Owen Granger: They don't let you out much do they, Beale? Eric Beale: Why do say that? Assistant Director Owen Granger: Lucky guess... That and you kind of remind me of one of those Twlight kids. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Assistant Director Owen Granger: I'm here for a lot of things. Conventional wisdom is great when you're fighting a conventional enemy. But that's not the case anymore. Sam Hanna: Hetty has more skill, wisdom than any of us could hope for. Assistant Director Owen Granger: You know, your loyalty would be admirable if it weren't operationally unsound. If I had been a real enemy, I could have killed the lot of you last night because of that blind loyalty. G. Callen: Had you been an enemy, Hetty would've had your head on a stick before we got here. Assistant Director Owen Granger: Yeah? Well, I'm well aware of the urban legend that is Henrietta Lange. Folklore belongs in the history books. Like it or not, the old guard is changing, gentlemen. Now one of you can rise up and meet the challenge, or I'll find someone who can. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Eric Beale: [after Nell says she'll go to lunch with JT] What? This guy could be a serial killer for all you know. Nell Jones: Hmmm. [Nell rubs her ear/earpiece causing feedback. Eric screams] JT: You okay? Nell Jones: Yeah, I just have this buzzing in my ear. Eric Beale: This is *so* going in my Operations Report. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Assistant Director Owen Granger: I was referring to your ability to mesmerize your staff into believing your the second coming. Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: My staff is a complimentary group of independent thinkers. And you would be wise to not let your personal vendetta cloud your judgment of them - or me. Assistant Director Owen Granger: Is this where you quote Sun Tzu in a thinly veiled threat? Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: I'll leave the cliches to you, Owen. Assistant Director Owen Granger: Your remaining time would best be spend getting your affairs in order, Henrietta... I'm not afraid of you. [Granger leaves] Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: That was your first mistake.

â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Marty Deeks: Looks like I'm going inside. If I'm not back in 10 minutes, it's cause I'm in trouble or I'm getting a bikini wax. Kensi Blye: [to Callen and Hanna] Welcome to my world. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

Marty Deeks: It's just if - you uh- I don't know, you want to ever talk about it. I know a thing or two about fathers so... Kensi Blye: [pause] You *shot* your father! Marty Deeks: *One* time, all right? It's not like I killed the man. [Kensi scoffs then chuckles] I didn't say I was an expert. I just meant that... â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

G. Callen: [after Granger leaves with the suspect] This is my fault. Sam Hanna: How do you figure? G. Callen: I should've let you shoot him. Marty Deeks: It's probably not too late if you run out there. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 12: - The Watchers

G. Callen: [about Granger] He's here to stay ,isn't he? Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: He's here definitely. How long he stays remains to be seen. G. Callen: Should I be worried about you? Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Not as much as he should be. G. Callen: I don't suppose you want to tell me the story of you two. Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: It's still being written. G. Callen: I hope it has a happy ending. [Callen leaves] Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: ...Not bloody likely. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

G. Callen: Never commit a crime in a Gremlin. Sam Hanna: Driving a Gremlin *is* a crime. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

G. Callen: All right. There must be other toy ponies. Sam Hanna: You don't get it. She talks. She flaps her wings. And she responds to 30 commands. Kensi Blye: OH! Five more than Deeks. Marty Deeks: [Deeks enters] How's that? Talking about me? â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Sam Hanna: Anyone want to hurt you? Professor Gareth Carlyle: Yeah, my wife. But she'd use the car bomb. She's Irish. It's a bad joke. She's a bit of a fiery red head, and we're not together any more. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

G. Callen: If Eric can't find it, no one can. Sam Hanna: He couldn't find my car either. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Sara Carlyle: Unfortunately, the commission decided that EMP was a remote possibility. Nothing to worry about. Kensi Blye: Our entire country runs on vulnerable electronics. Sara Carlyle: But it would cost billions to protect us. My dad's research is good. It's just being ignored. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Marty Deeks: Whatever happened to keggers and toga parties. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Marty Deeks: Something tells me that Chester didn't get enough hugs. Kensi Blye: Yes, that's exactly where I keep my grenades - next to my crackers. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Kensi Blye: Did you not take High School Physics? Marty Deeks: I was pretty much focused on Marcia de Luka's skirt. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Marty Deeks: You know what? This isn't going to work. I got shy bladder. Kensi Blye: Deeks! Pee or perish! â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

G. Callen: Never commit a crime in a Gremlin. Sam Hanna: Driving a Gremlin is a crime. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Nell Jones: Ugh. It's my mom again. She's wondering why everyone's home but me. Eric Beale: What do you tell them? Nell Jones: Working. I'm a TV News Editor. What about you? Eric Beale: Professional Blackjack Player. Nell Jones: Really? Eric Beale: True - until I got banned from Vegas. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Eric Beale: Did I just meet your parents? Nell Jones: Guess so. Eric Beale: What have they heard about me? Nell Jones: Well, [Eric's station beeps] Ooo, you got a hit. Better call Sam. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Sam Hanna: Eric, auction's over. Tell me we got it. Eric Beale: Have you ever considered Legos? Sam Hanna: How about I break your legos? â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Sam Hanna: 25 million people without power. Kensi Blye: For how long? Professor Gareth Carlyle: A month or two. Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: If we're lucky. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

G. Callen: Trust me. There is no Parker Pony in this box. And even if there was, you really going to take it from a needy child?... Really? Sam Hanna: I'll leave money in the box, G. I... â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna, should you find yourselves on the roof, there will be no air support. A helicopter would drop like a stone in an EMP. I hope you have a Plan B if you can't stop this thing from firing. G. Callen: Sam's working on Plan B. Sam Hanna: I'm working on Plan A. You're working on Plan B. G. Callen: We're still working on Plan B. Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Is that so? Well, I hope it doesn't involve me identifying both of you from your dental records. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

G. Callen: Well, maybe Santa will bring it to her. Sam Hanna: Maybe I'll tell her Uncle Callen said he'd get it for her. "It's okay baby girl, Uncle Callen didn't mean to let you down." Marty Deeks: That's messed up! G. Callen: You wouldn't. Kensi Blye: You shouldn't! Sam Hanna: Ho ho ho. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 11: - Higher Power

Eric Beale: Guys, you're not going to make it! G. Callen: What are you doing? Sam Hanna: Using the liquid nitrogen. I want to make sure this blows before it can trigger. G. Callen: We're going to have to go to Plan B. Sam Hanna: I hate Plan B! â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Sam Hanna: Gotta say. Fisk does have swagger. G. Callen: Swagger? Sam Hanna: Panache. Chutzpah. Flair. That undefinable "it." Float like a butterfly. Sting like a bee. The kind of style that can't be taught, G. Game recognizes game. G. Callen: Float after me, butterfly. Sam Hanna: And haters gonna hate. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Kensi Blye: How you holding up? Marty Deeks: Well, I shot my dad when I was 11. Shot a lot more guys when I was a cop - and all of them deserved it. Life or death situations - until today. Kensi Blye: The guy was a Neo-Nazi murderer wanted by the FBI since '04. Marty Deeks: Yeah, well LAPD gave me a badge because I know when *not* to pull the trigger. And if I've lost that edge - man, I'm just another thug with a gun. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Lt. Roger Bates: My unit's tight knit. Deeks had skills, but he was never one of the guys. I gave it time, but he never fit in. So when you came looking for him, I was naive enough to think that he could find a place to call home. Now he shoots first and asks questions later. What'd you do to him? Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: In my opinion, Mr. Deeks saw a threat and acted accordingly. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Detective Deeks. Marty Deeks: Yes? Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: The LAPD has cut its ties with NCIS. Liason duties are discontinued effective immediately... I'm sorry. [Hetty leaves] Kensi Blye: Wh-what does that mean? Marty Deeks: Hetty just fired me. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

G. Callen: [Holding up some designer clothes] I have special name for this outfit - "Swagger." Sam Hanna: Game's looking. Game sees nothing. G. Callen: Haters gonna hate. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Lt. Roger Bates: You regret it? Marty Deeks: I thought the lowrider was going to kill the girl then kill me. I made a judgement call. I'll live with it. Lt. Roger Bates: I meant NCIS. I thought they'd fight a lot harder to keep you. Apparently, you don't belong there either. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: [to Kensi] Are you upset because Mr. Deeks is a good partner or... is there something more?... And if it's something more... perhaps it's best that he's gone. â€‹Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Lt. Roger Bates: Not easy losing partners, is it? Kensi Blye: Partners come and go. Lt. Roger Bates: I wasn't always a cop, you know? Kensi Blye: You served as an intelligence officer for the Army, conduction several interrogations during Desert Storm. Lt. Roger Bates: And you just lied to my face. Partners like Deeks don't just come and go. What's the story with you and him? Kensi Blye: Well, if he ever decides to call me, I'll be sure to ask him.

Lt. Roger Bates: I always wanted to meet the woman that changed Deeks's mind. He swore he'd never work with a female partner again. Kensi Blye: Why? Lt. Roger Bates: If he ever calls you back, ask him that too?

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Kensi Blye: [Entering Angela Tully's hotel room] Federal Agent. I'm with NCIS. I'm taking you into custody. Angela Tully: Used to be a time when a girl could go off the grid for 24 hours, and get away with it. Of course you were in Kindergarten at the time so you wouldn't remember it.

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Lt. Roger Bates: You're in trouble. Marty Deeks: I gotta be honest, given the circumstances, you're gonna have to be more specific. Lt. Roger Bates: Your ex-partner from NCIS is gigantically pissed off at you. That's one woman I would not cross.

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Kensi Blye: Hey, Nell, whatever happened to that file I asked you for? The one on the aryan low rider that deeks shot at the park. Nell Jones: Oh right, um, I'm sorry I guess I forgot. Kensi Blye: You never forget anything, Nell. Nell Jones: Um, yeah. I told them this wouldn't work.

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Kensi Blye: [Entering Ops] You kept me in the dark! G. Callen: Please tell me you didn't waterboard Nell.

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Marty Deeks: [Kensi enters the back of Deeks's car] Did anyone tell you how cute you are when you're homicidally angry? Kensi Blye: I'm not angry. In fact, I could slit your jugular vein 11 different ways from where I'm sitting and wouldn't lose my temper.

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Marty Deeks: Can we not talk about this right now? I just... maybe we can do it over drinks or something? Kensi Blye: No. I have plans! Marty Deeks: Well, then I can... Kensi Blye: *Every* night for the rest of my life!

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

G. Callen: We don't even know who we can trust in LAPD. We go with Kensi and Deeks, we risk losing the RDX getting away. Sam Hanna: Kensi and Deeks have Bates under control. Handling Fisk and the RDX - comes down to us. G. Callen: You mean us against Fisk, his body guards, a crew of Neo-Nazis and the LAPD SWAT team that may or may not be on our side. Sam Hanna: Gotta love Tuesdays.

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Lt. Roger Bates: You have a home with NCIS. I see that now. Marty Deeks: I gotta be honest. I think it's where I belong. Lt. Roger Bates: You're still one of mine. Remind that tea sipping svengali of that - just don't let that ninja lady come after me, all right?

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Kensi Blye: You know the last time I felt so angry and powerless - was when I was 15. Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: And the Military Police informed you that they had no answers about your father's death. That's why I knew you were the one to back up Deeks's cover story... I couldn't take any risks... I'm in your debt, Kensi Kensi Blye: Okay, well, I'll be cashing it in one day.

Season 3 / Episode 10: - The Debt

Marty Deeks: [after Kensi leaves] Can you please back me up on this? G. Callen: Game is looking. Sam Hanna: Game recognizes nothing. Marty Deeks: Hetty. Hetty, please tell me you have some advice for this. Henrietta 'Hetty' Lange: Haters gonna hate.