Vance: (Over the MTAC Feed) You Tell Gibbs to Call Me When He Arrives
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
Vance: (Over the MTAC feed) You tell Gibbs to call me when he arrives. Macy: You can tell him yourself. (Gibbs enters) Vance: Gibbs. Gibbs: Hello Director Vance. Vance: I know how excited you two are about working together. I told Sec Nav I have my best people on this case. A lot of nervous people at the Pentagon. Don't make me come out there. Nate: (referring to Gibbs) You should have slept with him way back then. Whenever then was. I was probably in Elementary School, yeah. Macy: How do you know I didn't? Nate: I can tell you right now... Macy: Don't answer that! Nate: Okay. Cool. Macy: You scare me. Nate: Yep. Macy: Leave. Callen: Is there a reason we're not meeting in a bar right now? Gibbs: Well yeah, it's 10 o'clock in the morning. Callen: I don't know what's worse: getting older or getting wiser. Macy: Why do you want to know? Callen: Just looking out for my family Macy: G, you don't have any family. Callen: That's cold, Mace. Macy: But true. Callen: Gibbs is family... You too. Callen: I'll just ask Gibbs about what happened. Macy: Yeah, let me know if you do... I want to be there to see him sit you on your ass. McGee: (after Sam sends Abby a photo using a giant touch screen) Oh I really gotta get one of these. Sam: You got problems. Nate: It's called a legend. It's a word coined by the Stasi, the East German Secret Police during the cold war. Now their idea was to create a cover so deep it could stand up to any scrutiny: passports, documents, work papers, even family histories. And none of it true. All a... a legend. Legend: Part 2 [edit] Macy: As I'm sure you're aware foreign intelligence agencies are not authorized to act within US territorial borders. I would *hate* for your actions to cause an incident... by staying here any longer, Rivkin. Rivkin: We each have our job to do. Macy: Yours is done. Go home! Nate: You worked a case together? Macy: You could say that. It was a JAG-man investigation. A murder. I was the lead investigator. Nate: And Gibbs? Macy: Gibbs was the suspect. Eric: Every phone call, credit card transaction, internet search, all swallowed up and stored on hard drives so people can troll them for personal information. McGee: You mean like we're doing now? Eric: Yeah, that's okay cause we work for the government. Got a National Security letter to prove it. Gibbs: Whose boat is this? Renko: I have no idea. Gibbs: Hey! Sand with the grain Renko. Renko: You've done this before? Gibbs: Yeah. Sam: You think she's involved? Callen: They were sleeping together. She's involved whether she knows it or not. Sam: Yeah. Season 1 [edit] Identity [1.1] [edit] Hetty: Expense accounts; yours are six months behind. I would have thought that seeing you had time off for recuperation, you would have caught up on your paperwork Callen: Please tell me you're kidding me, Hetty. Hetty: Well, I could but it would be a lie. No rush; tomorrow will be fine... Hetty: Wardrobe for your undercover work. I know you grew up in the well meaning but cold embrace of the welfare state, Mr. Callen, but just because you're an orphan doesn't mean that you have to dress like Oliver Twist. Callen: In the three years we known each other, you've never called me "G". Hetty: It's not a name, it's a letter. Callen: What are we? If anyone asks. Sam: Uhh, city inspectors Callen: No, no one talks to city inspectors Sam: Okay, you're a realtor and I'm your client; you're showing me an apartment. Callen: Do I look like a realtor? Sam: Okay, I'm a realtor and you're the guy looking for an apartment. Can we go? Callen: Would I live in a place like this? I don't even know if I can afford a place like this. Sam: That's why I'm showing you to see if you'd wanna live in a place like this. Callen: Does it have a Jacuzzi? Sam: If it has, I'm going to drown you in it. Callen: Where are we with friends or lovers? Sam: There is this one stand out guy. Callen: Friend or lover? Dominic: Not really the question that jumped out at me. Callen: Informed guess? Dominic: He's a six foot three, two hundred pound, Special Forces paratrooper guy. Leaning towards a friend. Sam: Good call, Dom. Sam: I'm definitely getting you a birthday card this year. Callen: Great. Make sure you put some money in it. Sam: How 'bout I put some personality in it. The Only Easy Day [1.2] [edit] Hetty: Oh for the love of Gucci! (Hetty finds Sam punching a bag) Sam: Why does something have to be wrong, can't a guy just get some exercise? Hetty: Pilates is exercise, beating the hell out of something is an aggressive expression of male frustration. (Hetty finds Dom aggressively punching a bag) Hetty: What is the matter with you men? Dom: Sorry, I was just letting off a little steam. Hetty: Like the little engine that could. I know you lost a target, big deal… it happens… get over it! Dom: So, you heard about that. Hetty: Of course, I heard about it, I know what you ate for breakfast, Sweetie. (Callen lets Sam go into interrogate Raspen) Nate: This is a bad idea. Callen: Trust me, Doc, sometimes you have to let the big dogs work it out. Nate: Sam, I know you're angry and you take their action personally, but …… Sam: (Interrupting) Whoaa, Doc, do me a favor and stay out of my head! Dom: It's hard being the new guy. Kensi: Try being the new girl, they used to make me crawl into air vents, under house just because I was the smallest one, yeah. When was the last time you had to put on a bikini for an assignment, yeah, that's right, try hiding a gun in your thong. Dom: Alright, I'd just never thought of it that way. Kensi: Yeah, well, it's obviously not like that anymore. I mean if you can prove you can protect yourself and protect your team, then they'll let up. If Sam is hard on you in the office it's just because he wants to protect you in the field……… Well of course, either that or he genuinely doesn't like you. Nate: What is the world coming to when drug dealers aren't even safe in the comfort of their own fortified homes? Hetty: Oh, your professional psychological analysis is an invaluable asset to our team, Nate. Nate: Thanks, Hetty. Hetty: But your stand up needs some work, save it for open mike night. (Eric whistles and everyone leaves, Dominic--standing with his back turned--doesn't notice) Hetty: Personally, I don't respond to being whistled at like a sheep dog, but Eric seems to have trained the others. So, I suggest you learn the appropriate Pavlovian response. (Dominic has a questioning look on his face) Which is GO! Sam: SEALs work together as a team. Holgate had the tendency to act like a lone wolf, if you know what I'm talking about. Callen: Actually, half the time I don't know what you're talking about. And the rest of the time, I just disagree. (Dom stands with his hands raised, unaware that Sam has left.) Hetty: What are you doing? Dom: Training. Hetty: To go undercover as a scarecrow? Predator [1.3] [edit] Kensi: I'm the best first date girl in town, I mean I bring my A game; funny, flirty, charismatic, tasteful. Sam: Like me. Callen: And the second? Kensi: The second date, antsy, bored, distant, impatient, irritable. Sam: Like G. Hetty: Few men know how to deal with a smart, strong independent woman. They say they want a soul mate to share their dreams and their hopes with; but all they really want is a substitute mommy. Nate: Okay, as a professional psychologist, I have to completely… Hetty: (interrupting) Nate, sit down! Nate: Cool, I'm going to sit. Hetty: George Hamilton once told me that what men really love is a woman that plays hard to get… or was it Frank Sinatra? (Eric whistles) Nate: Saved by the whistle. (Hetty handing out papers) Callen: Mission briefing? Hetty: Sexual harassment guidelines, there's a seminar next week, and it is mandatory even for you, Mr. Callen. (The team is watching footage of a UAV attack) Sam: How fast can we get that footage off the web? Eric: With or without the cooperation of Sphereguide.com's legal department? (Sam looks at him) Okay, cutting through the legal tape…. I just crashed their entire server. Hetty: (yelling from her office) Idiot hackers!!! Eric: Uh-oh Callen: Sam, I think we are due in the boathouse. Sam: Walking (Callen and Sam walk away, passing Hetty walking in) Sam: Hi, Hetty Callen: Eric did it. Hetty: I was just watching that viral video with the cats and the trampoline and the site just froze up and crashed on me. Did you have anything to do with that? Sam: So, what are we this time, a couple of salesmen who got lost, maybe some guys looking for an old college buddy? Callen: How about we're two armed federal agents trying to apprehend a terrorist? Sam: Oh, yeah.