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Spiritual Direction A Ministry for Everyone By John R. Mabry he story is told in Ireland of St. Brigid, desert to practice an ascetic and “purified” form of who was concerned about one of her the faith. Tyoung wards who often came to share Some of those monks and nuns in the desert lunch with her. One day she said to him, “Do you became extremely adept at listening to the spiritu- have a soul-friend?” al struggles of their fellow cave-dwellers, and “I do,” he replied. gained a reputation for their compassion and wis- “Then let us prepare for his requiem mass,” dom. Through word of mouth the fame of these Brigid said. “ and Mothers” spread to the cities, “Why?” asked the boy. and before long laypeople were journeying to the “Just as you had finished half your meal, I saw desert to seek the counsel of the Fathers and that your soul-friend died.” Mothers. The ministry of spiritual direction in the “How did you know?” the student asked. Christian tradition was off and running. A spiritual “I saw you halfway through your meal without a Unfortunately, the leadership of the church in head, for your soul-friend was dead.” Brigid the West was uncomfortable with laypeople serv- director is answered. “And now, eat no more until you find a ing as spiritual companions, and tried to subsume someone new soul-friend, for a person without a soul-friend the ministry into the sacrament of confession. is a body without a head” (“Soul Friendship” by This was never entirely successful, however, as the who listens Diarmuid O’Laoghaire, SJ, in Traditions of Spirit has always called non-ordained women and Spiritual Guidance). men to companion people without heed to the to people’s Just as “two heads are better than one” in many “rules.” of life’s arenas, it is just as true in one’s spiritual And unlike the heirarchical ministry of the spiritual life. A spiritual director, or “soul friend,” is some- preistly confessor, the spiritual director is not an stories... one who listens to people’s spiritual stories, walks authority figure, but instead a fellow pilgrim who beside people as they contemplate their relation- offers companionship more than advice, encour- and assists ship with God and others, and assists people in agement more than correction, and a listening ear their spiritual discernments. rather than penance to be performed. people in

The History of the Ministry Spiritual Direction Today their dis- Spiritual direction is an ancient ministry that While many people in the Anglican tradition cernments. goes back to the very beginning of the church. St. have seen spiritual directors as people frequented Paul’s letters are an epistolary form of spiritual primarily by seminarians and clergy, this percep- direction, as are the non-canonical letters of tion is changing. The last twenty years has seen a Clement, and others. The practice of huge boom in the ministry of spiritual direction, meeting face to face is at least as old as the Desert as people in the pews are no longer content to sit Fathers and Mothers of the fourth century. back and leave their spiritual lives to the profes- When the church was embraced by the Roman sional clergy. Instead, they are taking their spiritu- empire, many sincere Christians were horrified by ality into their own hands, getting intentional what they saw their religion turning into. Instead about their spiritual lives and their intimacy with of the small, intimate gatherings in people’s , and in this, meeting with a spiritual direc- homes, became a public spectacle and tor is an enormous help. many people were joining for reasons more politi- Contemporary spiritual direction has a lot in cal than pious. common with psychotherapy, at least on the sur- Hoping to recapture or redeem the face. A meeting with one’s spiritual director looks they remembered, many people went into the an awful lot like a trip to the therapist’s office: a

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person makes an appointment with a meet with a spiritual director, however, For those of us for whom Anglican spiritual director, and meets his or her he or she is often amazed at the growth spirituality has been deeply meaningful, director in a pleasant and private office. that has occured in just a month’s time! having a spiritual director who is They talk for about an hour, and then Because they have a little distance from knowlageable about our tradition can be make an appointment for next time. our lives, spiritual directors often notice very helpful and reassuring. Ususally, the client will pay the director the subtle ways the Spirit is working in But increasingly, people are looking for a set fee. The director may or may not our lives that might otherwise go unno- directors outside their own tradition. ask the client to do some spiritual ticed. This began about fifteen years ago when “homework” to be discussed at the next Discernment is also an important Protestants began going to Catholic spir- session. aspect of spiritual direction. We all have itual directors, and then began applying To the casual observer, a visit to the difficult decisions to make in our lives, at Catholic training centers to become therapist and the spiritual director is and many of these decisions have spiri- spiritual directors themselves. Soon it indistinguishable, and in fact, a client tual bearing. When “Maria” came to me was not uncommon for a Catholic to go may discuss many of the same issues in for spiritual direction, she was over- to a Protestant for spiritual direction. In either venue. But that is where the whelmed by her job, and finding very the last ten years, this ecumenical open- resemblance ends. Spiritual directors are little time to spend in relationship with ness has gone even further. Many not focused upon psychological pathol- her son, God, or even herself! Through Unitarians, Jews, Buddhists, and even ogy, and usually steer clear of offering the quiet conversation of our direction Neo-pagans have trained as spiritual any therapeutic advice. session, the truth emerged that she was directors, and it is not uncommon for a Instead of discussing one’s emotional burning out and needed to rest and Christian to go to a Buddhist for direc- life, a spiritual direction session is tend to her inner life. Directly after the tion, or a Jew to a Hindu. focused on one’s spiritual life: How session she booked a vacation, and While this interfaith trend in the should I pray? How can I feel God’s invited her son to join her. At the next ministry does present some challenges, presence in my life at work? How is session, she was a new woman, and had it can also provide some advantages. God calling me to minister to those even found time on her trip to pray. Often we are too close to our own tra- around me? Why does it feel like God The discernment made in our session dition to notice its blind spots, and the has abandoned me? How should a per- had helped to put her “busy-ness” in distance provided by a spiritual com- son of faith respond in such-and-such a perspective and re-prioritize things. panion from another tradition can often situation? These are the kinds of ques- Spiritual directors also help people pay provide a needed corrective to the insu- tions addressed in the spiritual direction attention to interior movements of the lar assumptions every spiritual tradition session. Spirit that we are often too busy to listen is burdened with. to. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish I found this to be true in my own The Art of Noticing between our ever-mutable emotions and case, as I was searching for a new direc- As spiritual direction is a non-heirar- the promptings of the Holy Spirit. tor several years ago. I was struggling chical relationship, a spiritual director Spiritual directors can help people sort with my understanding of , and does not assume he or she knows any out emotional from spiritual movements. did not want a Christian director, as I more than his or her clients. Every They can also support people in their was afraid he or she would not under- client is the expert on his or her own prayer life by helping them brainstorm stand my Christological struggles and spiritual life, and good spiritual direc- methods that may work better than their might try to coerce me theologically tors are primarily good listeners. current practice, and by checking in reg- into an “acceptable” and orthodox posi- In addition to listening, though, the ularly to see what is emerging in their tion. I know now that such doctrinal primary skill of spiritual direction is prayer. Directors can help people make coercion is unethical, and all spiritual that of noticing. We are too close to our their inner world and outer worlds more directors are on guard against it. But my own children to notice that they are congruent, and to see how both of these own fears were real as well, and God growing from day to day, but when can be more congruent with God’s tended to them by leading me to a uncles and aunts see them at family intention for their lives. wonderful Jewish woman who has gatherings every couple of months, they served as my director for nearly six often exclaim how much they’ve grown! An Ecumenical Ministry years now. Just so, we are often too close to our Historically, most people went to Spiritual directors even have an inter- own spiritual lives to notice the subtle spiritual directors who were part of faith professional organization to repre- changes, promptings, and learnings that their same faith tradition. This time- sent and support them, Spiritual are happening all the time. When we honored practice has much going for it. Directors International. SDI publishes a

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journal, Presence, and offers opportuni- ties for continuing education and net- Some Spiritual Directors working for spiritual directors the world over. in the Diocese of California

Finding a Spiritual Director The PCN does not endorse or “recommend” anyone on this list. Spiritual direc- It is tempting to say that the ministry tion is not a regulated helping profession, and one must choose a spiritual director of spiritual direction is “not for every- carefully. Before making a final selection, it is a good idea to ask a spiritual direc- body,” but it is hard to imagine some- one who would not benefit from such a tor where he or she did his or her training, his or her specialities, and experience. ministry. Spiritual directors are easy to find, and are far more affordable than Daphne Copenhagen. Daphne is open to a variety of spiritual practices people suppose. Directors generally with emphasis on meditation and centering prayer. More of a spiritual com- offer a sliding scale, and while some panion than a director, she prefers to meet face-to-face. Contact her at charge anywhere from $20–60 per ses- 650.345.6688. sion, some see it as a gift from God to the world, and offer their ministry for Karla Droste. Karla is particularly interested in accompanying those dis- free. cerning their vocation in every aspect of their lives, including decisions Everyone is different, and one must about life direction, relationships and lifestyles, work and finance. She is simply ask around to find someone who committed to assisting those who wish to enhance their capacity to listen for is a good fit. It is normal to “try out” a God’s direction, especially through transitions. Phone: 510.893.2913; email: couple of spiritual directors to find just the right person, and most spiritual [email protected]. directors will support you in this search. The sidebar on the right hand side of Roderick Dugliss. Roderick is a graduate of the Shalem Institute for this page lists several spiritual directors Spiritual Formation Spiritual Guidance program. He has a slight apophatric who are either Episcopalians or work bias (prayer without words or images), and much experience with issues of closely with our Diocese. If you would discernment and the distinctive needs of clergy. Contact him at like to try a director in the Anglican [email protected]. tradition, this is a great place to start. The spiritual journey is not a solitary Janet Boeth Jones. Much of her experience has been with those discerning one. Having a companion on the way, a and following calls to ordained ministry as well as those following new paths “soul friend” or spiritual director can in the second half of life. Phone: 415.771.9908; email: [email protected]. help any of us to live out our faith in a more intentional, focused, and prayerful way than any of us can achieve on our Dr. Bonita Ann Palmer MD, MFT, DASD, MDiv, is a Jungian psycho- own. After all, two heads are better therapist who works interfaith with artists, healers, ministers, and others. than one! The ministry is “catching on” She specializes in dreamwork, guided imagery, mind/body connection, and in the wider culture, and Episcopalians sexuality/spirituality. Phone: 415.550.7900; email: Bonita.Ann.Palmer are very much a part of it. Is spiritual @ecunet.org. direction right for you? Only you can say, but as a spiritual director myself, I Rev. Dr. Bonnie Ring. Dr. Ring helps others learn to notice how God is would counsel you to pray about it. n speaking to them: through others, significant events and experiences, dreams, body signals and their emotions, and to explore God’s messages and John Mabry, PhD, is the managing edi- their own sense of call and purpose. Trained at Mercy Center Burlingame, tor of the Pacific Church News, the direc- she also is continuing to grow spiritually as a woman, a contemplative, an tor of the interfaith spiritual Direction Episcopal Priest, and a licensed Psychologist and Psychotherapist. She serves Certificate program at the Chaplaincy Institute for Arts and Interfaith Ministry, on the boards of the Pacific Center for Spiritual Formation and the Pacifica and a spiritual director in private practice Center for Solitude. Offices in Emeryville and Moss Beach. Phone: in Berkeley, CA. Contact him at 650.728.0555 and 510.655.0556 (Wed-Thurs); email: [email protected]. [email protected] or 510.290.4349. 31