Silver Nemesis Mt337 200801
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CASTROVALVA By Christopher H Bidmead Mysterious Theatre 337 – Show 201101 Revision 5 By the usual suspects Transcription by Robert Warnock (1-2) and Steven W Hill (3-4) For the hundredth time we see Tommy lying on the ground underneath the radio telescope as the camera tilts down. Oh, no, not this guy again. Is that Johnny LaRue‘s crane? The music is very sad. Adric, Tegan and Nyssa run up to him and kneel down alongside him. Tommy looks bored. He looks so peaceful. That‘s what old people say at wakes: ―He looks so NYSSA natural.‖ He‘s not dead! Doctor! He landed in such a nice comfortable position, too! TEGAN Doctor? Doctor Doctor, can‘t you see I‘m burnin, burnin ADRIC Doctor? Tommy smiles. DOCTOR It‘s the end. But the moment has been (the end) Wow, that was quick. prepared for. He looks back, the reaches out towards a guy ―The moment‖ is French for ―little death‖. wrapped in gauze. ADRIC The Watcher! A dude wrapped in toilet paper! A g-g-g-g-ghost! NYSSA So he was the Doctor all the time. They weren‘t twins. I‘m already confused. The Watcher starts to merge with the Doctor, and a green glow appears. The Doctor’s face turns all white and starts to change. Finally Peter appears and smiles. It‘s David Tennant‘s father-in-law! Theme starts Ooh, are we done? Page 1 Stars Nope, just starting. More stars Bright stars Peter! Peter zooms towards camera More bright stars Neon logo So eighties. Neon logo zooms out Castrovalva Is that a rude word? By Christopher H. Bidmead The H stands for Hamilton. Part One Part One: I am born. Tegan and Adric help the Doctor across the courtyard Oontz oontz oontz oontz (dance club beat) while Nyssa runs after them. An alarm is blaring. As usual, Nyssa‘s just tagging along not doing They run out of the shot. anything. We see a long shot of the Tardis in a field. (Yakety Sax) Three security guards run towards the camera. Is the place patrolled by UNIT? Well, there are only three of them. The Tardis crew run through the field and stop. The (sing-song) Roll in ze hay! Roll in ze hay! Doctor tips over with Tegan and Adric in tow. DOCTOR I. Oh… A… E… The guards arrive. U and sometimes Y. HEAD OF SECURITY These are secure premises. Now, you (premises) Not really! lot have got some explaining to do. Well well well, what‘s all this then? TEGAN But the Doctor. HEAD OF SECURITY He‘ll be taken care of. One shot, back of the head. He signals to the other guards who move over towards the Tardis crew, and start to take them away Page 2 Why doesn‘t that other guy do something? ADRIC He doesn‘t get the girl. Look, will you let me go! TEGAN Look, take your hands of me. This as an official uniform! It‘s so official, I never wear anything else! NYSSA Leave me alone. ADRIC Now don‘t be silly! We would like to (silly) Right, stop that, it‘s too silly! help you, but we can‘t just leave the Doctor. Something might‘ve gone wrong with his regeneration. The ambulance pulls up and the driver gets out. HEAD OF SECURITY Hands up, and lean on it! Come on, Bill Hartnell in The Army Game, ladies and quick! gentlemen. The guards push Tegan, Adric and Nyssa up against the ambulance The medics run over towards the Doctor, who’s still lying in the field. One of them has a stretcher. Back at the ambulance one of the guards is feeling (?) Nice sideburns, Luke Perry. Tegan up. Mr McFeely. TEGAN We‘re perfectly harmless, unfortunately. The guard moves over to Nyssa as Tegan notices the keys are still in the ignition. You can actually SEE her thinking. The two medics carry the Doctor past as the camera zooms in on Tegan who’s still noticing the keys. Yup, keys are still there. ADRIC I thought the whole point of this Pharos Project of yours was to track down alien intelligences. We thought we‘d save you the trouble and come to you. HEAD OF SECURITY Oh, yes? Page 3 ADRIC Yes, we‘re what you‘ve been looking for. Alien intelligences. You see, I Well, alien, anyway. come from somewhere up there. That is the way into E-Space. I‘ve looked at clouds from both sides now… The engine starts, and the ambulance begins to drive off. Tegan’s behind the wheel (but not tonight). Tegan‘s saving herself. Screw the brat and the prude, I‘m outta here! Nyssa falls sideways. That thing‘s shock absorbers are crap. NYSSA Adric, quick! Shock abzorbaloffs? Adric begins to run. No, that would be even more crap. HEAD OF SECURITY Get him! The guards grab him. (No, it’s not what you’re thinking.) ADRIC Get off me! He fights like an Alzarian. Boys! Plenty of time for that later! The ambulance heads towards the Tardis. Adric bites one of the guards (on the hand).They Snausages! struggle briefly. They must be from L.A., they had to drive to go 50 TEGAN feet. Get the Doctor, quick. Fetch a box? The exit the ambulance. The guards pull Adric to his feet. HEAD OF SECURITY I‘ll hold him. Get the two girls! And the one cup. The guards run towards the ambulance where Tegan and Nyssa are taking the Doctor towards the Tardis. The door closes before the guards arrive. Inside the Tardis, Nyssa closes the door as the Doctor Whoa I gotta throw up… beats a retreat. NYSSA Page 4 This works the door. That‘s all I know about these controls. Nyssa doesn‘t know much about knobs. TEGAN We can‘t take off without Adric. Doctor… The interior door closes. TEGAN Where‘s he off to now? Driving the porcelain bus. Tegan walks over to the door as Nyssa operates the scanner control. We see the head of security and Adric on the scanner screen. Ooh, Castrovalva‘s on! Let‘s watch! Back outside: HEAD OF SECURITY Right, young man, you better come along with me. You got some ‗splainin‘ to do! ADRIC Look, I hope you realize the Doctor‘s just saved us all from the Master. And now he‘s going to take off and you‘ll never have a chance to… Adric stops as he hears a Tardis materialize. See! Told ya! Nanny nanny boo boo, oh, wait! A column appears in the field. Inside his Tardis, the Master laughs. Is he laughing because they didn‘t bother to finish building his TARDIS interior set? Back in the Doctor’s Tardis: NYSSA Tegan! TEGAN What‘s the matter? NYSSA The Master‘s Tardis. That fur‘s not real, is it? On the scanner we see the guards and Adric surrounding the Master’s Tardis which has a blue, glowing, ring around it. Page 5 There’s a zapping sound, and all the guards collapse. Back outside Tegan and Nyssa exit the Tardis. TEGAN Adric! Adric, where are you? Amidst the prone guards, the Master’s Tardis He must be good, they‘re all out. dematerializes revealing Adric, who’s kneeling on the ground (oooer). Now wait, Adric is the Master‘s TARDIS? I‘m confused. Tegan and Nyssa run over and pick him up and start running away again. As they enter the Tardis, the Master’s Tardis materializes in the air above the Doctor’s. The Restoration Team can fix that. Inside the Tardis Nyssa closes the door (again). TEGAN I supposed we‘d better take off or something. Or something. Adric starts flicking switches. Tegan pulls Nyssa aside. TEGAN I hope he knows what he‘s doing. HE knows how to twist a knob. NYSSA He took off once before, he said, but that was by mistake. Outside the Tardis dematerializes as the Master laughs. Finally his Tardis dematerializes too. Back in the console room, we see a shot of the Earth zooming out on the scanner. Slow down! NYSSA Good take off. Is what Nyssa says when she can‘t think of anything useful. There’s an awkward pause, then Tegan runs in. TEGAN The Doctor‘s very strange. Well he is a madman with a box. NYSSA He‘s weak, it‘s the shock. TEGAN Page 6 Well, you had better go talk to him because I don‘t understand this scientific stuff. He‘s looking for (mumbled read-along, a la Waterhouse preparing) something called a Zero Room. ADRIC Zero Room? I‘ll go. Because I like zeros, and numbers, and stuff. He leaves and closes the interior door. Zero room? Yes! I have HEARD of it! TEGAN That boy never even said thank you. …and…scene. In a corridor Adric finds part of Tommy’s burgundy coat. He walks over to a door handle that has a piece of yarn tied to it. He follows the yarn around a corner. Is that a plot thread? (Groan.) Around the corner the Doctor unraveloxes the scarf as Is this Ripping Yarns? Adric continues to follow the yarn. Adric walks up to (Groan.) him and he stops. DOCTOR Ah, you‘ve come to help me find the Zero Room. Welcome aboard. I‘m the Doctor. Or will be if this regeneration works out. He continues unraveloxing the scarf and walk off. Up yours, Tom Baker fans! Adric looks at his hand.