ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page iii HOLLYWOOD, INTERRUPTED Insanity Chic in Babylon— The Case Against Celebrity Andrew Breitbart and Mark Ebner JOHN WILEY & SONS, INC. ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page vi ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page i MORE PRAISE FOR HOLLYWOOD, INTERRUPTED “Fearless. Vicious. Hilarious. Andrew Breitbart and Mark Ebner prove conclusively that radical family values + infinite financial resources + cultural idol worship = moral chaos. Celebrity is the modern American version of aristocracy. Hollywood, Interrupted shows that our celebrities are every bit as mad, corrupt, and unaccountable as their Medieval European counterparts (albeit with better teeth). And like the old aristocracy, they really are one big, in- cestuous family. What you don’t understand—what you could not possibly under- stand—is that not only are these people nuts: They’re nuts who all know each other. Hollywood is the most dysfunctional family in the history of the world and Hollywood, Interrupted reads like a transcript of their therapy session. It’s cheeky, sophisticated, and authoritative.” Jonathan Last, Weekly Standard “Hollywood hypocrites are going to simmer with fury at the painful barbs, backed up by plenty of facts, that these two sleuthing authors toss at some of the industry’s most beloved stars and wags. If you love Larry King and Oprah, you’d better get ready to defend their honor, because this book deftly melts the shine off their armor.” Jill Stewart, “Capitol Punishment” syndicated columnist, radio and television political commentator “‘The rich are not like you and me,’ F. Scott Fitzgerald said. Hollywood, Interrupted demonstrates that the rich and famous are not like any- body—at least anybody you’d want to be, or even shake hands with. In the deliriously scandalous tradition of Hollywood Babylon, Breitbart and Ebner’s juicy dispatch from the spiritual capital of the Porn Belt reveals Tinseltown to be a glorified cathouse populated by collagened sociopaths. These also happen to be the people who drive American popular culture. Be afraid, be very afraid.” Rod Dreher, Dallas Morning News ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page ii “In Hollywood, Interrupted Breitbart and Ebner dig deeply into the very heart of our greatest export—pop culture—as produced by Hollywood, the movie industry and the people who affect and infect America. You cannot take a more fascinating or terrifying trip. There are tales of the fabulously famous here you would never know if not for their work. Hollywood, Interrupted is a book you have to put down frequently in order to catch your breath. Absolutely riveting.” Lucianne Goldberg, Publisher, Lucianne.com News Forum and Talk Radio Network host “This book blew me away. It’s more than I wanted to know, but I couldn’t stop reading it.” Orson Bean, actor “Reading Hollywood, Interrupted is like sitting on a stakeout and hav- ing a telescopic view into the darkest reaches of the corruption and perversity of today’s celebrity culture. From the very first page to the last, Breitbart and Ebner’s probing reporting spells out in graphic detail how Hollywood lives by a set of norms the rest of America finds appropriately appalling—and end- lessly fascinating. The authors have the unusual courage to take on Scientology. They provide revelations about Michael Jackson’s sick- ness that go beyond even today’s headlines. They rip the phony veneer off the political correctness of Rosie O’Donnell and Barbra Streisand. They give readers a behind-the-scenes understanding of how snoop- ing private eyes and ruthless information brokers feed scoops to the tabloids. And, in one riveting chapter, they document how a young woman in the AOL backroom unmasked the bizarre fetishes of some of Tinseltown’s top names. Hollywood, Interrupted is no ‘E’ channel fluff. It’s disturbing stuff. But it’s all too real and it’s utterly riveting.” Richard Gooding, investigative reporter ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page iii HOLLYWOOD, INTERRUPTED Insanity Chic in Babylon— The Case Against Celebrity Andrew Breitbart and Mark Ebner JOHN WILEY & SONS, INC. ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page iv Copyright © 2004 by Andrew Breitbart and Mark Ebner. All rights reserved. Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey. Published simultaneously in Canada. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-750-8400, fax 978-646-8600, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, 201-748-6011, fax 201-748-6008. For general information on our other products and services, or technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at 800-762-2974, outside the United States at 317-572-3993 or fax 317-572-4002. Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com. ISBN 0-471-45051-0 Printed in the United States of America 10987654321 ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page v Dedicated to Benjamin Geza Affleck ffirs.qxd 1/6/04 1:22 PM Page vi ftoc.qxd 1/6/04 1:27 PM Page vii CONTENTS Acknowledgments xi Introduction xiii PART I: IT’S A FAMILY AFFAIR 1 Hollywood Family Values: A New Weird Order 3 Hollywood families exposed for not only not upholding family values but pissing all over middle-class mores. Rethinking the life and death of River Phoenix. Familial implosions exposed. It’s gotten so bad we argue for sterilization of the celebrity class. 2 In Loco Parentis: Hollywood Nannies 31 Hollywood nannies speak out and tell all—“There is no laughter in this house.” Nannies so stressed they’ve formed a Beverly Hills support group. A nanny gets blacklisted. 3 Hollyweird High 43 Inside Crossroads School for the Arts & Sciences, where Hollywood elite send their children, and we find, like any other school in the Western world, sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. Unlike other high schools, we also discover Crossdressing Day, Ménage à Prom, death, and a mandatory pseudo-therapeutic program called “Mysteries.” vii ftoc.qxd 1/6/04 1:27 PM Page viii viii CONTENTS PART II: FEAR AND LOATHING IN LOS ANGELES 4 Screwball Tragedy 65 Hollywood’s strange history with insanity, drugs, and therapy. 5 Doctor Feelgoods 79 Not feeling so hot? Call the doctor. Top Gun producer over- doses. Winona’s Dr. Feelgood loses his license. Oliver Stone signs a medic. Lily-livered Hollywood “heppers,” including Stripperella, try anything. 6 From Rehab to Retox 97 Rehab centers to the stars get visits from Matthew Perry, Robert Downey Jr., Ben Affleck, among others. Celeb rehab spas offer a panoply of treatment programs from equine therapy to brain wave analysis. Not on the menu—sex in the bathroom. PART III: THE BELIEVERS 7 Karma Chameleons 107 Madonna and friends converge on Kabbalah. Hollywood cults run amok. Established religion is evil. 8 Shilling for Scientology: I Want Your Body—Thetans 125 Scientology rocks! PART IV: CALIFORNICATION 9 Sex in This City 141 The pornification of America. There’s a whorehouse in Beverly Hills. Swing Kids club hop. Hugh Hefner is a porn baron. The Heidi Tapes. ftoc.qxd 1/6/04 1:27 PM Page ix CONTENTS ix 10 “Sexual Perversity” in Los Angeles 167 Eddie Murphy plays good Samaritan to a Samoan transvestite hooker. Hollywood attorneys employ shady PIs to bend laws. Peter Pan picks a porn producer. INTERMISSION Heroine 189 Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Courtney PART V: THE LEFT WING 11 Reds 209 Celebs embrace hate speech. Everyone’s “Friend” Jennifer Aniston calls Bush names and taunts daughter Jenna. Robert Altman and Alex Baldwin threaten to leave the country. We love dictators! Hollywood warmly embraces Castro. 12 Blue Country Haze 239 Hollywood ground zero for the culture war. Rosie, the lesbian, swoons over the heterosexual Tom Cruise. Oprah dictates politics. The war of the ribbons (can you support PETA and be for AIDS research?). Flacks make celebs pick a cause. 13 The Death of Comedy 257 Hollywood kills Andrew “Dice” Clay and Sam Kinison. Can’t get no comic relief. “South Park” rails against Rob Reiner. PART VI: LIES, MORE LIES, AND VIDEOTAPE 14 Hollywood Pan Men 279 Hollywood A-Team of B-list celebs goes on the road to sell pans of lies for fast cash and cheap thrills. ftoc.qxd 1/6/04 1:27 PM Page x x CONTENTS 15 The Lying Game 293 Fictionalized documentaries. Scripts are stolen. Friends cover up. We expose Hollywood’s own Jayson Blair. PART VII: AMERIKA ONLINE 16 Hollywood Online 305 Where the stars go and what they do when they virtually get there. 17 www.americahateshollywood.com 321 Media Berlin Wall falls. Newfound freedoms expressed in cyber- space. The gigabyte is up. America talks back. Epilogue 339 Notes 345 Index 379 flast.qxd 1/6/04 1:25 PM Page xi ACKNOWLEDGMENTS The authors would like to thank the following people without whose contributions this book would not have been possible: Marc and Michelle Atlan; Lori Depp; Carrie Fisher; Matt Drudge; Bret Osterberg; Ed Dunne; Malissa Thompson; Katherine Durant; Xan Converse; Jonah Goldberg; Jonathan Last; Jordan Kitaen; Ken Neville; Adrian Otto; Jane Hamsher; Jim Mauro; Scott Slayton; Mickey Ramos; Matt Stone and Trey Parker; Jennifer Howell; Paul Barresi; Brian and Tracey Karadizian; Pamela Anderson; Boba; John Lavachielli; Mike and Diane Silver; Will Hornaday; Lance and Lotte McCloud; Paul Hughes; Melanie Graham; Lucianne Goldberg; Nelson Handel; K.J.