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Volume CXXIX, Number 3 Phillips Academy, Andover, Massachusetts February 17, 2006

INAPPROPRIATE SIX SEMIFINALISTS MASS VALENTINES CHOSEN IN RACE PROMPT REVIEW FOR PRESIDENCY By ALEXA REID By EMMA WOOD After Central Services alerted The school presidential race the Dean of Studentsʼ offi ce about was narrowed from thirteen to six a number of anonymous Valentineʼs candidates on Wednesday. Day cards in mailboxes, the Dean of The candidates who will Studentsʼ offi ce took preventative continue in the election are Jim measures to ensure that the cards Elder ʼ07, James Freeman ʼ07, Yoni given en-masse were not offensive. Gruskin ʼ07, Mike Jiang ʼ07, Mike “On Monday, the mailroom Naughton ʼ07, and Danny Silk ʼ07. called me after discovering some Students voted for up to six anonymous cards in a number of candidates in Commons during boysʼ boxes that were very raunchy lunch and dinner. Those who could and contained offensive sexual not vote in Commons could email innuendo. Ms. [Vimala] Mohammed absentee ballots to current School [Administrative Assistant to the President Ali Siddiqi ʼ06. Dean of Students] and I went down Elder, who hails from Colorado and pulled about fi fteen of the most Springs, Col., hopes to put computers offensive Valentines out of peopleʼs in George Washington Hall, increase boxes,” said Administrative Assistant the weekly bandwidth limit to 2 to the Dean of Students Kennan GB per week, and make a wireless Daniel. network available to students. As one The offi ce then required that any of the current Upper representatives, student distributing large numbers of he believes that he is most capable cards to student mailboxes have their of “promoting [studentsʼ interests] valentines approved. Students were effectively.” required to show one of their cards to Freeman, an “outspoken” check its appropriateness, and were new Upper from Lincoln, Mass., also asked whether or not the cards would like to bring more toasters were signed. to Commons, extend Friday sign- Colleen Thurman ʼ07, who had in, as well as increase dinner hours. her valentines checked before she Although he is new to PA, he is distributed them, said, “[The Dean confi dent that his accessibility and of Studentsʼ offi ce] just wanted to friendliness make him the strongest see that you werenʼt doing anything candidate. mean or offensive. It would have A Prefect in French House been pretty easy to get around though from Denver, Col., Gruskin wants if you wanted to put something mean you to “jump on the pony and vote or harassing.” for Yoni”; in return he will fi ght to Claire Voegele ʼ07 was unaware B. Canaday/The Phillipian release schedules and book lists of the reason for the extra scrutiny Abbot Blue Key Head Mike McMahon ʼ06 puckers up, and Thomas Gebremedhin ʼ06 surprises Emily Cokorinos ʼ08 with a smooch. towards the beginning of vacations, when Central Services sent her to the continue the one key/one card system Dean of Studentsʼ offi ce. She said, efforts, and work to announce exam “They just wanted to see what you schedules before mid-term. were giving out, but it was kind of like Former Ambassador L. Paul Bremer III ʼ59 Visits Three-year Upper Jiang, from they were checking for contraband. Sharon, Mass., “is dedicated to It was just a little bit weird…I guess implementing” no-hassle car itʼs an OK thing to do, but why do it? PA To Share His Experiences in Iraqi Government permission, loosening bandwidth from May 11, 2003 until the for the Bush Administration were After graduating from PA, Its just candy or jokes or whatever, By SIMONE HILL restrictions, and creating a more nothing illegal.” transfer of political power to the addressed. Ambassador Bremer continued lenient Sanctuary policy, so that Ms. Daniel said, “It was strictly a Former Ambassador to Iraq Iraqi people on June 28, 2004, After the live interview, a lengthy educational career, students will not be discouraged preventative measure. We didnʼt deny L. Paul Bremer III ʼ59 returned to Ambassador Bremer reported members of the audience were which included a B.A. from from seeking medical aid in case of anyone permission, we normally PA for the fi rst time in 47 years to solely to U.S Secretary of Defense invited to ask Ambassador Yale University, a CEP from the a drug or alcohol problem. have kids come down anyway before speak about his time in Iraq, his Colin Powell Bremer questions. The audience Institut DʼEtudes Politiques of the Day student and three-year any type of mass mailbox stuffi ng involvement and perspectives on After serving the government inside Tang Theater was a University of Paris, and an MBA Upper Naughton is a “very friendly for campaigns, etc. just to check the war in Iraq, and his new book during his time in Iraq, President diversely opinionated group. from the Harvard Graduate School person” who intends to extend that whatʼs being distributed isnʼt My Year in Iraq. George W. Bush ʼ64 awarded Andrew Badger ʼ06 said, “I of Business Administration. weekend sign-in, improve food offensive.” Chair of the History and him the Presidential Medal of felt that [Ambassador Bremer] During his talk Ambassador delivery times for boarders, and She continued, “Of the thirty fi ve Social Sciences Department Peter Freedom for his work. misrepresented the facts and that Bremer noted that from a encourage more social functions Drench interviewed Ambassador Many different topics he picked and chose what part within each separate grade along valentines from the one [student], Continued on Page 6, Column 4 we only took fi fteen out of boxes... Bremer in front of a large audience surrounding the controversy over of the question he wanted to with “listening to [everyoneʼs] but the ones that had an implied of students, parents, faculty, and the Iraq situation were brought answer.” concerns.” sexual act were very distasteful and alumni. up, including Ambassador When Ambassador Bremer Silk, also a Day student and three- offensive. If you put something like Ambassador Bremer was Bremerʼs views on the United was asked by an audience year Upper, does not “plan on waging that in someoneʼs mailbox and you involved in Iraq subsequent to Statesʼ performance overall in member what one event from his war against the administration,” but sign your name to it, then at least the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in Iraq, the position of European time in Iraq stood out to be an instead is “aiming for all of us to they know who is responsible and March 2003. He was appointed countries, the role of the media accomplishment or something that collaborate.” He hopes to revive know who to direct their reaction at, Director of Reconstruction surrounding the controversy, he would have done differently the Abbot Scholar program, obtain someone is accountable. But when and Humanitarian Assistance, the War on Terrorism, and the his answer was that the moment student feedback and viewpoints you anonymously give cards like succeeding Jay Garner. As part debate over Iraqʼs future as a he felt most accomplished was at on all issues, and speed up lines for that, it can make people unfairly of his role as the head of the democracy. Both Ambassador 3:45 AM March 1st 2004 when athletic equipment. uncomfortable.” Coalition Provisional Authority, Bremerʼs support and criticisms Iraq agreed on its constitution. The six students will have a chance to campaign for a week, before students vote to choose PA STUDENTS SCORE the fi nal three. Following spring Cell Phone Policy Largely Disregarded vacation, the remaining three candidates will present speeches to HIGH ON APS; 55% the entire student body at an All- And Mild Compared to Peer Schools School Meeting before the ultimate must remain off during classes, people don’t disturb classroom B.Canaday/The Phillipian vote. By ELINOR concerts, lectures, and at the time or other people it is fi ne to EARN TOP GRADE GARCIA-GARCIA Oliver Wendell Holmes library, use your cell phone.” By EMMA GOLDSTEIN In comparison to its peer the PACC, as well as any other Cell phone use is prohibited in Ambiguity of Housing Process locations where ringing is seen the library. However, almost all and CHAD HOLLIS schools, Phillips Academy’s cell The Advanced Placement phone policy may as a disturbance. students bring and use their cell Despite the regulations stated phones in the library, including (AP) program offered at Phillips Spurs Unfounded Concern appear overly Academy has proved extremely lenient. in The Blue Book, students can the silent Garver Room. be seen using their cell phones On regards to the cell phone effective. In 2005, 429 Andover The Blue students took a total of 1101 Over Fairness of System in places ranging from the policy and the library, Collection Book contains exams. Fifty-fi ve percent of library to the weekly All-School Development Librarian Rachel By EMERSON MOORE the Acceptable students received a grade of fi ve, and MADELEINE OʼCONNOR Use Policy Meetings for calls, games, or text Penner said, “I wish students 30% earned fours, 11% received a messages. would go into the outer lobby to In recent years, some students roommate in his former dorm, with regard to cell phones, 3, while less than 4% got twos. have worried that the housing Stuart, or moving into a single in Yet Lisa Lian ’08 said, “I did use their cell phones. The cell Fourteen point one percent stating that PA “supports their selection process is not as fair as Andover Cottage. He wanted to not notice that there was a policy phone policy is almost impossible of public school students in the appropriate use.” According to it appears. stay in Stuart, but was unwilling this policy, students’ cell phones at all. I think that as long as to enforce because at any give United States scored three or above time there are two librarians and on their AP exams according to Last year, a to room with a stranger. three hundred students and it is collegeboard.com, compared to member of the He said, “I didn’t have much diffi cult to monitor them.” 96% of Andover students. class of 2007 say [in it], but that’s the way it Many faculty members According to some teachers, intended to room works.” consider the cell phone policy Andover students perform so well with a classmate Yet these case involved at PA too relaxed. At PA, many on AP exams because students are in a popular FLG dorm. However, extenuating circumstances. students are not aware of the able to self-select; a student who her roommate decided to withdraw According to Dean of existence of a cell phone policy, excels in an elementary level of from PA over the summer. This Students Marlys Edwards, the sudden change of events left majority of the suspicions and and those who do are not aware Physics would elect to take the the other girl in need of a single concerns surrounding housing of its regulations. Physics AP, while a struggling student would choose not to take room. Though the Academy was arise because students do not Grace Gordon ’08 said, “I it. originally going to place her in understand the system. think our cell phone policy refl ects Almost 40% of students took her former home, a less popular She said, “I usually have a the freedom and responsibility an AP exam last year. PKN dorm, her mother called the conversation [about housing] that PA gives students. I think APs give students a chance Academy; when the girl returned with one or two [students] in a our policy is better than other to earn credit for college courses to campus she was in one of the given year. Mostly [I just end up] schools’ because [PA] trusts [us] while still in high school. PA biggest singles in the best girls explaining the system to them.” enough to be respectful when offers over 20 AP courses in a wide dorm on campus. Ms. Edwards continued, using it and they are not making variety of subjects, ranging from Mike Jiang ’07 had a similar “[Saying you want a room in a all these rules and regulations BC Calculus to Spanish Literature. experience, with less satisfying popular dorm is] like saying you forbidding use.” AP exams are graded on a scale results. When his roommate chose want to buy a house on the Upper J. Gully/The Phillipian However, other schools have from one to fi ve. not to return for this school year, Laura Minasian ʼ07 violates one of the few on-campus cell he was given the option of either phone restrictions: no phones in the library. Continued on Page 7, Column 3 Continued on Page 6, Column 5 living with a randomly selected Continued on Page 7, Column 1

ARTS FEATURES SPORTS Edwin Diaz ʼ07 is a big Lowly associate Pete Smith GirlʼGirlʼss Basketball beats baby in “Adaptation,” this ʼ07 celebrates Valentineʼs BB&N 61-43. weekʼs Theater Classroom. Day with Blaine Johnson ʼ08. See page 4. See page 8. See page 12.

SECTIONS: News: 1, 6, 7 Commentary: 2, 3 Arts: 4, 5 Features: 8, 9 Sports: 10-12 2 THE PHILLIPIAN COMMENTARY FEBRUARY 17, 2006

Volume CXXIX NUMBER 3 An Oil Fix Stephen S. Blackman “America is addicted to oil.” Adam Giansiricusa all exports, the lost production and in- Editor-in-Chief Those were the words uttered by creased prices would be devastating. President George Bush on January 31, GAS GUZZLER The only way to truly accomplish Emma W. Wood Lauren J. Kelleher Prateek Kumar 2006, in his State of the Union address. President Hugo Chavez, hardly a friend Bushʼs goal of controlling oil prices News Director Managing Editor Deputy Managing Editor The general US population welcomed his to the US, especially when compared to would be to end all imports and heav- comments concerning energy stability. Kuwait, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia. Even ily subsidize the petroleum market in However, these remarks only mask a Russia has attempted to use oil as a the US. But these two prospects would major failure on the part of the President. weapon against Western leaning nations be impossible considering the USʼs daily The comments demonstrate Bushʼs com- like Ukraine and Georgia. demand. News Director of Production Business Manager plete lack of understanding as to how the If President Bush really believes Katharine Matsumoto Henry Frankievich The second troubling aspect of Bushʼs Song Kim global economy operates. remarks is that the President believes that his endeavor will have any effect, Alexa Reid Mr. Bush has resorted, like so many ending oil imports from the so-called his ability to manage the US economy Head of Photography other politicians, to playing on the wide- “troubled regions” will have any effect on should be questioned. Brooks Canaday spread Anti-Arabism in the US today.He The implications of Bushʼs comments Commentary Advertising Director the US economy. The global oil market Justin Waite failsto pay attention to the long term in- pric- for the future of the global political and Yoni Gruskin Photography Editor terests and necessities of The Union. He economic landscape are troubling. Danielle Rothman Rebecca Waldo is sacrificing Americaʼs interests for a The very fact that he spe- short term boost in failing opin- cifically mentions Middle Features Circulation ion polls. Eastern nations is an Living Arts Will Cannon Suzanne Hwang President Bushʼs am- intentional stab at Chris Li David Curtis Cecily Pulver bitious plan, “to some of Amer- Jess White Steve Loeffler replace more icaʼs most im- than 75% of our portant and Senior Associates oil imports from necessary allies Sports Commentary: John Gwin Technology the Middle East – Kuwait, Egypt, Peter Dignard Features: Pete Smith Ethan Schmertzler by 2025” is a Saudi Arabia, completely and Qatar. In Rush Martin Arts: Polly Sinclair Abhishek Mukherjee unfeasible an age when Will Sherrill Cartoon Editor: Nathaniel Flagg plan at best. Anti-Western US oil im- extremism is ports are on the rise and re- continuing to formers are losing Bringing the Past to Andover rise as a percent popularity, the US of total imports, needs to show its from 42.2% in 1990 to unequivocal sup- The visit of Former Ambassador to Iraq L. Paul Bremer III ʼ59 56.1% in 2003. With port for such allies. brought into focus the importance of an alumni presence on campus. US consumption in- Failing to do this Whether or not one agrees with Mr. Bremerʼs ideas, or the quality of creasing on a yearly will undermine basis, the US needs our international the work that he did as head of the Coalition Provisional Authority to somehow find relations, and feed after the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003, it is still important to ex- other sources. critical countries pose PA students to people, particularly alumni, who have had major Replacing all to Al Qaeda and cars with hybrids is other terrorist or- impacts in their respective fields. not a possibility, and ganizations. building more nu- As the 19th cen- One of the best opportunities PA can offer is the chance to meet clear or solar power tury British Prime plants to decrease oil Minister Lord Palm- with important leaders. Through special events such as Ambassador dependency is a risky erston once said, “Na- Bremerʼs talk, as well as the weekly All-School Meeting, Andover and expensive idea. tions have no permanent students have the fortune to witness the successful lives alumni have Needless to say, for friends and no permanent the US to stop receiving enemies. Only permanent lived after graduating from PA. so much oil from the Middle i n - terests.” East, we would need another Mr. Bush once For example, next week, a number of former Phillipian editors who source. again flagrantly The domestic production of displayed his utter have distinguished themselves in the field of journalism will come to oil is declining and, at roughly 8 mil- e s ineptitude in deal- campus to discuss the direction of the paper with the current editorial lion barrels per day, is hardly enough to are fluid; ing with a serious global issue. board. This is merely one example of important opportunities that match US consumption. The US con- they are not set by any individual party. His Machiavellian attitude concerning sumes roughly 20 million barrels per American allies, treating them as if they students should have to learn from the experiences of those who have It is irrelevant where oil comes from. day, while the worldʼs largest producer Saudi, Venezuelan, and Russian oil will are disposable and replaceable, are dis- come before us. of oil, Saudi Arabia, pumps roughly 10 cost exactly the same amount at turbing at best. The stability of the world million barrels per day. To say that any the pump, and a disrup- tion will is at stake, and once again, Mr. Bush has of the USʼs other major oil importers contributed to worsening an already dire We applaud the Alumni Affairs Office for its efforts in bringing dis- send oil markets soaring. This is akin are any more stable than Middle East- to the fear over Iran – while the US does situation. tinguished alumni back to campus. However, more can be done. So ern nations is preposterous. Venezuelan not import from the nation, if it ceased many accomplished people have studied at PA, and the school should make more of an effort to bring these alumni back to speak at the school. Shoot to Kill People like Senator Lincoln Chaffee ʼ71 and Richard A. Wolf ʼ64, Many of you have probably heard the John Gwin more importantly, there is no oversight, the creator of “Law and Order”, could teach the PA community a news: while quail hunting in Texas, Vice so we canʼt even tell for sure if our tar- President Dick Cheney accidentally shot SHARP SHOOTER gets are quails or prominent attorneys for great deal in terms of life, post-PA. For holidays such as Veterans prominent Austin attorney Harry Whit- Austin. Alberto Gonzales defends this tington with a shotgun. Cheney was ap- saw him as a threat to our war. In effect, domestic weapon as critical to winning Day, the school should call upon alums like Capt. Thomas J. Hudner they turned the shotgun on one of our own ʼ43, a recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor for actions in parently tracking a quail in the sights of our War on Terror, but he mischaracteriz- his gun and accidentally pulled the trig- in their misguided effort to hit the quail. es the tool. Gonzales wants us to believe Korea, to address the student body. ger when the gun happened to be aimed Needless to say, they somewhat missed. that the weapon is a sniper rifle, precision at Whittington. When I read this, my first Similarly, our domestic wiretapping tuned and able to pick off small targets thought was that it would make a great Jay from hundreds of yards away. However, In the past, this editorial page has noted the presence of a bubble Leno joke. My second was that the whole a system in which the federal government that separates the PA community from the “real” world. Bringing in situation serves as an apt metaphor for “Of course, the United States can spy without a warrant is a system that our current war on terrorism: Bush and functions more like a shotgun: spray- notable alumni like Mr. Bremer, or even major figures such as Ralph Cheney think they are aiming at the ter- looks awful in the eyes of the ing pellets everywhere, praying some of Nader and Samantha Powers, is one of the first steps in popping this rorists, but when they end up pulling the world, just as Cheney does, for them will hit their targets. Such a weapon bubble. trigger all they seem to hit are innocent might be effective for hunting quail, but Americans. tracking the quail, but hitting most of the ammunition expended is go- For example, consider the Joseph Wil- ing to fly far wide of its target. Students always hear the constant refrain about how we will eventu- son case. In their distorted reality, Presi- the friend.” Finally, consider the secret CIA pris- dent Bush and Vice President Cheney see ons throughout Eastern Europe. Here, our ally become the leaders of the world. If this is indeed the case, then the Iraq War as a critical part of our larger government holds suspected Al-Queda it is vital for the school to ensure that students do not remain in the war on terrorism. Thus, when Ambassa- terrorists so they can be legally tortured operation has suffered a similar fate. The dark. dor Joe Wilson announced in the pages outside of our borders. However, much of the New York Times that his mission goal of the operation is to kill the quail like Cheney and his shotgun, we had to link Iraq to uranium from Niger was and stop terrorists, but all we seem to do some accidental crossfire with innocent This editorial represent the views of The Phillipian Editorial Board. a failure, George Bush and Dick Cheney is hit the people in the way. And even civilians. In fact, one man that we held for months is now suing the government, claiming that he was taken from his home and his home country and forced to en- dure months of torture and confinement Stunting Growth when he had done nothing wrong. Of course, the United States looks awful As Chinaʼs economy continues to Annalee Leggett by the two spills in both the northern and in the eyes of the world, just as Cheney grow, it is crucial to look at the root southern regions. does, for tracking the quail, but hitting WRITE the friend. causes for this surge: the drive of the av- FRESH WATER This has not been the first spill which erage Chinese individual, This is a pow- officials have tried to conceal. About a In the future, hopefully we can keep Although the work is hard, the pay our weapons in check and only attack erful motivation which will continue to month ago, major benzene spills into supplies such necessities as food, school- those targets that we are confident we bolster Chinaʼs economy as it has done in the Shangua River, which were initially FOR ing, and rent. During the communist can hit. The passage of John McCainʼs the past. ignored, contaminated water supplies in era, such necessities were provided and amendment to the recent defense spend- But as cities continue to grow, so does Harbin, shutting off water for the cityʼs schooling and medicine supplied (noth- ing bill is an excellent start. It bans tor- pollution, which has the potential to be- 3.8 million residences. But these spills ing close to the ideal situation that it ture in all its forms throughout the United come a severe limiting factor to the oth- cause more then just inconvenience. The sounds like, however). Today, one has States and by our agents abroad. Howev- COM- erwise exponential growth of the Chinese countryʼs staggeringly high rate of pollut- the possibility for economic success, so er, we canʼt possibly rely on John McCain economy. ed bodies of water (over 70%) has, unsur- workers are motivated to work hard and to protect us forever, and thus we need Migrant worker Wu Dongmei is one prisingly, caused numerous health issues long. The average Chinese citizen now a broader oversight capacity in our gov- of the 150 million individuals whose cur- and left about 360 million rural inhabit- wants the life of a well-to-do Westerner, ernment and our intelligence agencies. MEN- rent lifestyles reflect the changing China, ants without safe drinking water. and with hard work, that is now possible. Especially concerning personal liberties as it moves further away from total com- These spills are dangerous and can- There is no longer hope in the farmlands, like telephones, e-mail and letters, our munist economics and the Mao era. She not be taken lightly. The nearly weekly so people stream to the cities for the pros- government should be sure that it is not is one of the many who has migrated thou- occurrences of health emergencies, simi- pect of success. shooting with buckshot at anything that TARY. sands of miles away from small Chinese lar to these spills, are reflections of the moves but rather aiming carefully to in- The problem which the Chinese gov- villages to larger “boomtown” cities. negative effects of Chinaʼs fast growing ernment will soon face is that these cities sure that it only hits the target. And Dick Wu now works in a new clothing fac- industrial economy. will not be able to hold so many migrants Cheney should pay more attention when tory in Shenzen and sends money home Chinese district officials, such as Ji- as the result of intense urbanization. The he is hunting. to her family. The newly arrived work- ang Yimin, head of the provincial envi- workers continue to come for hope of ers populate this city, now the epitome ronmental protection bureau, have been a better life, and more will come. The The Phillipian welcomes all letters to of capitalism. Just as the western world taking action to publicly deny the dan- Chinese like the feeling of money in their the Editor. We try to print all letters, was affected by its industrial revolution, gers. Hiding these problems will only pockets, which was once unheard of dur- but because of space limitations, we Chinaʼs growing industrial economy is worsen the situation and allow pollution x6531 ing the Communist era, but as the coun- recommend brevity and conciseness. influencing mass urbanization. levels to worsen. Health departments try advances to a new economic era, and Only 20 years ago, Shenzen was a need to confront these issues by fixing the We reserve the right to edit all sub- they will work for it. small fishing town in southern China, but source of the problems: the factories and mitted letters to conform with print Chinese district officials have tried today, as strict Maoist economic policies refineries. As the rate of industrial activi- restraints and proper syntax. We will x6846 to hide and deny the problems, but they are forgotten, rural people are streaming ties grows so must the intensity to which can no longer ignore the two dangerous not publish any anonymous letters. in to this booming industrial city. Wuʼs factories are regulated. The combination chemical spills currently plaguing the Please submit letters by the Monday of new life is similar to those of millions of of growing industrial activity, pollution, Yellow and Yangtze Rivers. Officials each week to The Phillipian mailbox others who have fled impoverished rural and population levels will soon become were forced to take emergency safety areas to migrate to the growing factories a limiting factor in Chinaʼs exponential in G.W. or to The Phillipian newsroom measures to protect water supplies for that supply the world. growth rate. in the basement of Morse Hall, or send millions of people which were threatened an e-mail to [email protected]. THE PHILLIPIAN COMMENTARY FEBRUARY 17. 2006 3 Dick Cheney: Armed and Dangerous the formidable 18 hour journey did require all of Vice President. Say it takes another full 30 minutes disappear? Did they think that perhaps the event James Sawabini the Vice Presidentʼs staff, and unfortunately cell to get that man to the hospital. Itʼs now 4:30 and might fade to gray, like the pursuit of W.M.D.s in BUCK SHOT phones donʼt work in Texas. Of course, McClellan there is absolutely nothing more that Dick Cheney Iraq, or the hunt for Bin Laden? And why 11:30? continued, even the president didnʼt know until 8 or his staff can do to help Mr. Whittington with re- Perhaps because as long as it was released around Ladies and gentlemen, Dick Cheney is armed oʼclock that night. gards to his health. And yet, according to the White midday it would not be aired on the Sunday morn- and dangerous. So letʼs go over the timeline. On Saturday after- House Spokesman, President Bush doesnʼt find out ing talk show circuit, which millions of Americans The American people now have yet another noon Dick Cheney and some Republican cohorts go that Vice President shot someone until three and a watch each week. reason to fear Dick Cheney. On Saturday after- a huntinʼ. Around 5:30, Dick Cheney sees a “quail” half hours later. What was Dick Cheney doing for Finally, why was it only released to a small-town noon, the Vice President accidentally shot his (Republican doublespeak for three and a half hours so that Texas news paper? Why wasnʼt the White House friend, lawyer Harry Whittington, while hunting ACLU-member), turns, aims he was too busy to call the press corps informed? Why didnʼt a public official quail on a ranch in Texas. To the dismay of White and fires. Somehow, even “...his attempts to downplay the Commander-in-Chief to tell release this information? To these questions, the ad- House Spokesman Scott McClellan, the press corps though Dick is known to be a him that the man next in line ministration has no answer. became furious when the Vice Presidentʼs office “great shot” according to his event for political damage control to assume the White House That fact is that this was an honest accident and did not confirm the shooting until 18 hours later. office, he missed the bird and had shot someone? After all, Dick Cheney does not deserve our harsh criticism In addition, when the incident was reported, it was hit his comrade. Hereʼs my Vice Presidential shooting for his poor aim. However, his attempts to down- only reported to a small town Corpus Christi, Texas burning question: how is it put into light his true motivations.” only happen every 200 years play the event for political damage control put into newspaper. Many speculated that the Vice Presi- that a “well experienced hunt- (Aaron Burr held the record light his true motivations. He should have had more dent was sitting on the information because he did er” cannot tell the difference until now), isnʼt it safe to say faith in America, faith that the public would un- not want it to be a subject of Sunday morning talk- between a bird, and a lawyer. that itʼs a big deal? derstand such an accident. But instead, he tried to shows. Now Iʼm no hunter (not that I would lead you to But letʼs say that for whatever reason, Dick hide it for as long as possible, proving to the world “Why did the Vice President wait so long?” believe otherwise), but Iʼll tell you...Iʼm pretty sure Cheney was so incredibly busy that he could not in- that he cares more about his political image than the press demanded. “Why did it take 18 hours birds fly. One the other hand...Iʼm pretty sure law- form President Bush. Hereʼs the next big question. his honor. for the Vice Presidentʼs office to confirm the inci- yers donʼt. Anyway, next the poor guy goes down Why wouldnʼt the Vice Presidentʼs staff confirm the As for taking care of the man whom Dick dent?” In Cheneyʼs defense, McClellan explained and presumably Cheney and his staff call 911. Letʼs events until 11:30 the next day? Cheney shot, the Vice President ought to have ad- that their first concern was “the manʼs health” and say it takes 30 minutes for the ambulance to get What where they waiting for? Did they think mitted his actions and made a public apology to Mr. getting the victim to the hospital. To their credit, there, a generous time indeed for an associate of the that Mr. Whittingtonʼs wounds would magically Whittington the first chance he got. Up in Smoke On February 14th, the British Parlia- This increase in knowledge about ment voted to instate a plan to ban smok- Conor May smoking led to the bans on smoking in ing in public places. This ban, which MARLBORO MAN government property, private businesses, won a 384 to 184 vote, followed similar opposed the bans on smoking for the and even outdoor areas. The question is bans in Ireland, Scotland, and many U.S. same reasons they oppose them today: then: where will the current anti-smoking States. While it has been criticized as government interference in citizensʼ per- campaign lead us? The campaign shows government encroachment on personal sonal lives. So what changed? no signs of slowing down, and people lives, the 384 to 184 win shows the over- It is a medically proven fact that have already expressed the desire to ban whelming support for public smoking smoking causes cancer. Those who op- smoking all together. U.S. Surgeon Gen- bans. pose smoking bans for this reason believe eral Richard Carmona stated in 2003 that The effects of these bans are mainly it is an individualʼs choice to endanger smoking should be banned throughout positive, even for bars and other such the U.S. Other health watch groups have business, and health officials worldwide called for this ban, noting that bans in have praised them. However, the in- certain areas do not do enough because crease in smoking bans during the last “While smoking bans have smoke particles linger and drift, harm- five years shows an outright ban on smok- ing those who choose not to smoke or ing all-together. This might counter the existed since the 1500ʼs, most sit near smokers. While a world without positive effects of the current smoking smoking would seem heavenly to many bans. While smoking bans have existed bans by modern nations have people, a nationwide ban brings up the since the 1500ʼs, most bans by modern obvious fear of a reaction like that to nations have been enacted since 2000. the prohibition in the 20ʼs. Trafficking Before then, some U.S. states tried smok- been enacted since 2000.” of cigarettes could become a successful ing bans. However, there was not enough criminal industry. People would then as- public support to keep them going for a sociate such a ban with crime, rather than long time. These bans mainly affected their life, and the government should not the positive benefits of the current smok- the Prohibition generation, which led stop them. The major change in the anti- ing bans, possibly leading to a revocation many people to oppose smoking bans on smoking campaign was the discovery of of all anti-smoking laws. purely political grounds. Before the great the health risks of second-hand smoke. To prevent this situation, the govern- build up of anti-smoking campaigns and Popular ads on TV in the 90ʼs showed ments of countries worldwide should con- the laws passed since 2000, many people children suffering from second-hand tinue to restrict smoking in public places smoke from their smoking parents. With while the people support it and medical images like this, it is easy to understand studies show its success. The current the enormous increase in anti-smoking bans have led to more people quitting and Communication Breakdown sentiment. Smoking is dangerous to the fewer people buying cigarettes. It has smoker and to those around them. Par- also drastically cut down on the harmful Recently, I discussed with several Alexander B. Heffner tive relationship between students and ticular complaints about second-hand chemical content of air in urban cities. faculty members the idea of instituting a administrators will be detrimental over smoke arose from the service industry, However, the governments propos- regular forum at which PA students can WALKIE-TALKIE time. In turn, the school will be unable to which has workers who are commonly ing these bans need to be aware of the interact with the faculty and administra- satisfactorily resolve difficult problems negative impact of a totalitarian ban on the community. exposed to second-hand smoke in restau- tion. Like many of my peers, I sense, re- within the academy. The alternative is smoking, and thus, they should not ban From my observations, students too rants and bars. grettably, that the student body is more gradually developing stronger relations smoking entirely. are vigorously devoted to the philosophi- and more disengaged from the decision- through constant dialogue. cal framework and mission of the acad- making process on campus, and I see a Unfortunately, according to a num- emy. growing disconnect between students ber of teachers with whom Iʼve spoken, As the Strategic Plan is undergoing and the “adult bureaucracy.” This is an the administration is largely ignoring the intense review, why canʼt students ac- idea I have trouble grappling with; I am facultyʼs call to engage in a discussion Madly in Love tively propose amendments to help fur- on cordial and open terms with the all about pertinent campus issues. This was Valentineʼs Day. ther define the mission of the school or Emma Wood of my previous and current teachers, my apparent after the administration decided That simple phrase im- These greedy cor- to suggest possible alterations to the cur- house counselors, and particularly my to alter the academyʼs academic calendar mediately fills my mouth BE MINE porations are not only riculum? All polling of the student-body, with a sour taste and capitalizing upon, but as well as the vast majority of my conver- tightens my stomach into a knot of anger trivializing and commercializing the sations, indicate that students universally and frustration – anger at Hallmark for greatest emotion in the world; they are “...students too are vigorously agree that there should not be as many exploiting this holiday, and frustration at teaching generations of young Ameri- requirements on their academic sched- the rest of the world for their meek ac- cans to value gifts and material items as ules. An idea Iʼve proposed for revising dedicated to the philosophical ceptance of it. much as the actual feeling. the curriculum is to permit English and “This rule-breaking degrades Though the holiday was originally For unattached individuals, the holi- framework and mission of the history students to enroll in elective-style courses at an earlier level after basic the academyʼs name.” based upon Christian and ancient Ro- day seems to serve only as an opportu- courses in the 100 and 200 sequences (as man legend, Hallmark and other card nity for couples to flaunt their happiness academy.” Juniors and Lowers). In this model, pas- companies have knowingly ruined every together. The only “fun” of the day sionate students can explore their inter- February 14 for Americaʼs entire single rests upon the candy and the occasional ests in intensive electives and still learn population. And all in the name of mak- card from a “secret admirer” i.e. your the fundamental skills that they would in ing a profit. best friend or the freshman in your AP complementary counselors. Furthermore, without seeking the approval of faculty the currently mandatory classes. This year, all of my friends voiced Chemistry class. I have easily been able to contact the de- members. So, Iʼd say to students and fac- English 300, for instance, could be their dread of the best-intentioned holi- After exchanging candies and fake partment heads, the deans, and even the ulty alike that creating a new PA forum taught in specific sections that appeal day of the year – the only holiday built Valentines, the remainder of the day can head-of-school. might be the ideal to unify the commu- to studentsʼ particular tastes in litera- wholly the concept of expressing love. be spent either wallowing in loneliness However, often these conversations nity. Such forums could stand to resolve ture and writing. There are more elec- Yet with their desire to sell the maxi- while your friends go to dinner with their about school changes and my analysis both the everyday and more complex dif- tive courses now, in English, history, mum amount of candy, flowers, and significant others, or attempting to enjoy on Andover politics in general exist only ficulties and concerns that members of and other disciplines, than I can count. cards, businesses have twisted this day the holiday with your girlfriends. How- between a particular faculty member the community encounter. I wholeheart- Why not actually utilize the electives that and myself. While such an exchange in edly believe that there is a pressing need into an expectation for empty declara- ever, the latter option will inevitably de- presently exist in the PA Course of Study itself is thought-provoking and valuable, on the part the entire PA community to tions of love – for what material object scend into a sob session – “Why doesnʼt – and what sometimes, at least from my none of the ideas addressed will ever be move past the bureaucracy and to reach could ever truly signify passion or even he like me?” “He said heʼd call...”etc. conversations with upperclassmen, are seriously addressed by those on campus for a healthier and more direct dialogue. platonic love? Even for those with love interests, inaccessible to Seniors or Uppers who with the power to make decisions. My Valentineʼs Day is not always fulfilling, are still restricted by their requirements? intuition tells me that I am not the only but stressful. Boys wonder if their gifts The present faculty/administration student who feels denied the right to of- will be sufficient or overdone, unroman- debate on course requirements has cen- fer insights to those in charge. While tic or overly sappy, or if their relationship tered on the possibility of eliminating or student council may assemble an infre- is serious enough to even merit recogni- reducing art, music, or theatre require- quent “School Congress,” which is a rare tion of the holiday. ments. This is not the only solution. opportunity to address the PA faculty I have known more than one relation- Why not foster an inclusive conversation, directly, all students ought to have the ship to collapse as a result of imprudent where a multitude of innovative, diverse, right to meet and converse with those Valentineʼs gifts, plans, or lack thereof. and intelligent proposals are addressed? who fundamentally control the schoolʼs There are other tremendous benefits Either he will scare the girl away with affairs and policies. that would result from students, faculty, the strength of his feelings, or his failure Itʼs outrageous that interested PA and administrators interacting with each to bestow her with sufficient evidence of students, who supposedly exemplify the other. For one thing, all three groups can his love will anger her. academyʼs principles, are not consulted develop a better understanding of each On the other hand, girls worry that about future plans that will have a pro- othersʼ positions and opinions. Accord- their loversʼ presents will not meet their found impact on the entire student body. ing to The Phillipian, the illegal abuse of hopes. Yet girls also distort the holiday; When students matriculate at Phillips substances is rising among the student they add a competitive element with their Academy, they essentially sign a mutual body. By virtue of a studentʼs enrollment concern over the quality of their Valen- contract pledging to abide by the academ- at PA, he or she must abide by the legal tines compared to those of their friends. ic and behavioral standards of Phillips and moral values expected by The Blue I myself have not enjoyed Valentineʼs Academy. And by virtue of their agree- Book. Day since the third grade, and not be- ment, students, in my estimation, must This rule-breaking degrades the acad- cause I have never had a boyfriend on the have the inherent right to at least engage emyʼs name. More importantly, however, in a lively and continual dialogue with holiday. Third grade marked a change a large-scale “drug bust” or rule violation faculty and administrators in an effort to in my mindset because BOYS somehow scandal would prove devastating for the convey the student perspective on issues. entered my elementary all-girlsʼ school academy and might indefinitely haunt While the schoolʼs efforts to financially psyche, and suddenly it was not enough relations between all members of the support campus leaders and organiza- to receive chocolates from my dad. school community. tions are praiseworthy and healthy for the However, I did enjoy Valentineʼs Day So why, amidst this, do the majority institution, this is only one product of the as a child. Perhaps as the only group of of students -- who abide by the rules -- PA equation. The second aspect, engag- people unencumbered by societal sexual faculty, and administrators, sit compla- ing the PA student body, requires more pressures, children will forever be the cently, even as they recognize the disturb- attention. Here, the school could do a bet- sole party to truly enjoy the holiday for ing reality of the possible repercussions ter job to facilitate an ongoing dialogue what it is supposed to be – an unadulter- of a major disciplinary scandal? The long relating to the important issues affecting ated expression of love. term consequences of an uncommunica- 4 THE PHLLIPIAN LIVING ARTS February 17, 2006 Battle of the Bands London, and Crack Cocaine, Are Burning London is an inter- gigs” at venues as un- Buckley, Full of Grace esting place right now. predictable as the Ab- Especially if you are Dominick DeJoy bey Road crossing in in you are a middle-class London, made famous music enthusiast in your by the Beatles and the late-teens-to-early-twenties with a tenden- London Underground. Dave Toropov cy penchant for drugs like crack cocaine Masters in particular is infamous for and heroin. his open entrepreneurial nature, as well It seems as though death has the un- The calculatedly cool or “deck,” as as his insatiable thirst for attention. Like fortunate ability to elevate many records the Brits call it, image of the early 2000s Doherty, Masters publicly uses crack co- from mere songs to the Holy Scripture of garage-rock revival and the neo-new wave caine, but his unorthodoxy moves beyond the Alternative World. movement of Franz Ferdinand and the mere drug abuse. Case and point, last weekʼs Nick Rapture are waning. Mastersʼ mobile phone number can be Drake and this weekʼs Jeff Buckley. In their place, the London punk re- found on his bandʼs website, and tracks, Jeffrey Scott Buckley, born in 1966 vival, or “Londonʼs Burning” scene has such as the single “This Is For The Poor,” to Mary Guibert and singer-songwriter emerged as the most interesting currents reveal radical socialist political beliefs. Tim Buckley Guibert, released only one flowing in music today. While pursuing a degree in politics at Lon- album in his lifetime, appropriately titled At the forefront of this movement is don Guildhall University, Masters made Grace, before drowning tragically at the the now-defunct punk band called The money through petty drug dealing, before age of 31 while swimming on May 29, Libertines, and, specifically, its charismat- entering a career in advertising sales. 1997. ic co-frontman, Pete Doherty. Yes, the one Masters boasted to friends in his bo- Yet, the strength of this one album famous in the tabloid circle for his short- hemian social circle that he was the front- alone establishes Jeff Buckley as one of lived relationship with model Kate Moss. man for a band. When these pals secured the most naturally gifted musicians the Highly evocative of the Clash, the his “band” a gig, Masters called two mu- world has ever seen with one of the most Buzzcocks, the Jam, the Kinks, and, es- sician-acquaintances, who would later dynamic, powerful voices in rock his- pecially, the Sex Pistols, the Libertines become members of the Others, and com- tory. stood at the forefront of the bohemian cir- posed lyrics on-the-spot. Jeff had the singular ability to show- cle which was emerging in Londonʼs West The band was received so well that they case strong, tenacious hard rock vocals, End at the dawn of the new millennium. continued performing around London, be- while bringing the listener to tears with Their first album, Up The Bracket, re- fore Poptones signed them in 2004. delicate, classic beauty, as exemplified leased in 2002 to a fair amount of acclaim, Masters resides in London with Johan, in the aria-like performance of “Corpus particularly from Britainʼs Billboard- his transsexual boyfriend. A new single, Christi Carol.” His range has yet to be equivalent New Musical Express. Their “William,” will be released on April 4. matched, and it is unlikely that it ever uniquely English perspective on profane The Others will break ties with Pop- will be. punk rock, incorporating Cockney slang tones for their new album, expected on an The album begins with Buckley soft- and drunken vocals turned heads. independent label sometime in 2006. ly cooing as “Mojo Pin” fades in. The Nevertheless, true to rock ʻn roll, re- While this Punk-revival is both cel- track is built on tension, building and de- Jeff Buckley on the cover of his first and only album, the aptly titled Grace. lations between Doherty and co-frontman ebrated and criticized by listeners and crit- scending. With each swoop, Buckleyʼs Carl Barat strained as Dohertyʼs addic- ics alike, one thing is for sure: the “Lon- voice provides the jaw-dropping white a passion and magnificence to Cohenʼs as one can imagine a male vocal perfor- tions to heroin and crack cocaine became donʼs Burning” scene has its fair share of cap to the wave. classic that made the song unmistakably mance to be, and, for all intents and pur- increasingly unmanageable. Eventually sex, drugs, and rock ʻn roll. Yet, “Mojo Pin” is only a small taste and instantly Buckleyʼs own. poses, is a modern three-minute aria. Doherty was expelled from the group. of his abilities. They come to fruition on This is not to say that Buckley was Immediately following the sublime Even more befitting of the punk at- the classic title cut that follows. not within the capacity to pen brilliant beauty of “Corpus Christi Carol” is the titude, Doherty raided Baratʼs flat and If anyone needed proof as to why Jeff material. In fact, he wrote or co-wrote gritty, aggressive “Eternal Life,” com- served one month behind bars. Buckley is a big deal, “Grace” provides almost the entire album, including some plete with snarling lyrics and power- The group reunited shortly after all of the evidence necessary. He soars of the albumʼs most memorable cuts, house, strong singing. Dohertyʼs release, with the self-titled The and gnashes his way through the songʼs such as the aforementioned Grace, the The fact that Buckley can marry Libertines climbing to number one on the five and a half minutes, which culminat- bittersweet Last Goodbye, and my per- these two tracks next to each other and UK album charts and registering platinum ing in the climactic final minute, where sonal favorite, Lover, You Shouldʼve actually pull it off is a testament to the sales. They officially disbanded at the end Buckley lets loose a mind-boggling Come Over. wide and awe-inspiring scope of his tal- of 2004. twelve second scream places him along- The song features the intensely ents. The success of the Libertines helped side the greats like Robert Plant, Freddie touching and profound lyrics: Grace comes to a close with the epic open doors for several uniquely British Mercury, and Roger Daltrey as one of “Dream Brother,” which contains many punk bands, including the Arctic Monkeys, Rockʼs truly outstanding vocal talents. Itʼs never over, references to Buckleyʼs father. the Paddingtons, the Rakes, Dohertyʼs new The sound of Grace as a whole can All my blood for the sweetness of Buckley and his father never had a act, Babyshambles, and, most notably, the best be described as a mix between her laughter. strong relationship since Buckleyʼs fa- Others, whose lead singer, Dominic Mas- The Bends-era Radiohead (Buckleyʼs Itʼs never over, ther abandoned his pregnant mother. ters, has the potential to rival the notoriety influence on the band is illustrated by Sheʼs the tear that hangs inside my He may have left behind an enor- of his close friend Doherty. Radioheadʼs “High & Dry” and “Fake soul forever. mous amount of unfulfilled promises The Others released their eponymous Plastic Trees”) and Van Morrison. Buck- I feel too young to hold on away during the recording of his second debut and the moderately popular single ley embraces both the timeless art of the And too old to just break free and album, to be titled “My Sweetheart The “Lackey” in 2005. Since then, they have singer-songwriter and the best sounds of run. Drunk,” in 1997. made a name for themselves for their loud, the post-grunge era. Nevertheless, the strength of Grace off-the-cuff rock and their close relations Although there is not even the faint- “Corpus Christi Carol” and “Eternal alone easily places Jeff Buckley in the with their fans, known as the 853 Kami- est sign of filler anywhere on Buckleyʼs Life” serve as a two-punch knockout of category of one of the most talented mu- kaze Stage Diving Division. Rune Hellestad/Corbis album, the albumʼs zenith is his cover of Buckleyʼs unbelievable range. “Corpus sicians of all time. Most notably, the Others have become Babyshambles frontman Peter Leonard Cohenʼs “Hallelujah.” He gives Christi Carol” is as delicate and angelic Hallelujah, indeed. famous for their free, illegal “guerilla Doherty at a concert.

Theater Preview: Adaptation and Bookshop WRITE ordinary manʼs life played out as a board the “Super Bonus Card” which he can ex- we should all realize that who we are game. This show exhibits the vicissitudes change for any wish he desires. The audi- and what we have accomplished is good of an average American manʼs life, high- ence watch as Phil is brought from birth, enough.” Dominick DeJoy lighting his struggles and accomplish- through childhood, college, and marriage, McMahon described how directing ments along the way. all the way to the time of his death. helped him to find his place here at Phil- FOR Phil Benson, played by Edwin Diaz “Ms. Mayʼs message is clear: We lips Academy and that, “The directing ex- Watch your life flash before your eyes ʼ07, embodies the “average, middle-class spend most of our lives searching for perience is something that is unique to the – then have a good laugh, while youʼre American,” a game show contestant pa- validation and success, when happiness PA Theatre Department. No other high at it. If this is what youʼre looking for, raded through his life before the audi- often lies right under our noses,” said school to my knowledge contains such an ARTS Friday nightʼs drama labs will surely de- enceʼs eyes. McMahon. extensive theatre program in which stu- liver. Other cast members include Lydia He continued, “In board games, we dents are able to direct their own shows. Both shows feature elements of com- Dallett ʼ08, Megan Richards ʼ08, and are usually seeking a finish line or a vic- After many directing ventures with the edy and undoubtedly display the hard Eric Kanter ʼ09. tory. Ms. May has shrewdly compared Drama Lab, my favorite part of the di- work and dedication that has gone into He is given “maturity points” and is this to everyday life where we are seek- recting experience remains the ability to them. ordered to move forward or back differ- ing the A or the promotion or the praise construct a story. Theatre is about telling Elaine Mayʼs “Adaptation”, directed ent numbers of spaces. His goal is to find from our peers and comments that maybe your audience a story and directing gives Get into sold by Lucas McMahon ʼ08, is the story of an me the ability to weave that story in a way that I find compelling and funny.” The show seemed different from any out shows! other familiar one act play and, when asked to explain his choice of plays, Mc- Mahon said, “Adaptation stood out to me because it portrayed familiar situations (Sweet, like childhood, elementary school, col- lege, and adulthood in a different manner than most plays. Elaine May offers a sa- tirical look on the human desire for suc- right?) cess and, with tongue planted firmly in cheek, displays the life of an Average Joe as a complicated and competitive board game.” The second show is a sketch from the popular British comedy troupe, entitled “Monty Pythonʼs Bookshop.” Wesley x 6138 Hartwell ʼ07 directed the satirical scene in which a bookish customer drives the bookshop owner insane by requesting x 6394 several books by obscure or misspelled authors. Cecelia Worthington ʼ08 plays the hapless customer, and Annabel Graham x 6216 ʼ08 acted as the bookshopʼs owner. Director Hartwell says about the sketch that, “This play appeals to me, because I absolutely love the work of Monty Python.” R. Rogers/The Phillipian “Adaptation” and “Monty Pythonʼs Eric Kanter ʼ09, Edwin Diaz ʼ07, and Megan Richards ʼ08 provide the audience with insight into the life of Phil Benson in Bookshop” will be going up this Friday “Adaptation.” at 6:45 p.m in the theater classroom. THE PHLLIPIAN LIVING ARTS February 17, 2006 5 MOVIES Parag Khandelwal

THE NEW WORLD Fidelioʼs Mid-Winter Escape I left the theater afterwards not only tired of Terrence Malickʼs New World, but disappointed in both Christian Bale and Colin Farrell for partaking in such a dismal production. The movie had the potential to be a soaring success, as the production cast is packed with leaders in their respective fields, but for many reasons it fell short. The one hundred and fifty minute film not only put many to sleep with its excessive scenery shots, but also with its lack of a cohesive plot. The New World may have been projected to be a success, but the film disappointed all of my expectations. Itʼs comforting that most of America didnʼt rush to theaters to see The New World. Raising a pitiful four million dollars during opening weekend in box offices, the film was easily beaten by almost every movie that opened that weekend. Currently the film has raised about ten million dollars, while only releasing in about eight hundred theaters nation- wide. Pre-release The New World seemed as if it would do well in theaters. The most important reason for this predic- tion is the director, Terrence Malick. Although the name may not ring a bell Courtesy of Christopher Walter to most, Iʼm positive most have seen his work. The Fidelio Society rehearses at Reagan International while Carrie St. Louis ʼ08 and Sean Hilton ʼ07 study some history. Recently, Malick has directed The Washington DC. With the impending For the alumni, Fidelio performed a little shocked but ultimately impressed, Thin Red Line and helped make Good Norʼeaster hanging over Andoverʼs Valentines Day themed repertoire, sing- our audience particularly enjoyed Dan Will Hunting. Malickʼs other smaller Chris Li head, the fifteen of us were more than ing two English madrigals, two Italian Silvaʼs ʼ08 African grunt – “Rain!” productions have begun to create a cult- ready to escape. madrigals, two folk songs, and the jazz After brunch, we made our way to like following, especially abroad. Carrie St. Louis ʼ08 cringed as she Our journey began early Saturday classic, “My Funny Valentine.” Charlotte again before flying to Wash- His superb directing was combined realized what was about to happen. With morning. Provided with sack brunches The suggestive themes in the two ington for our last performance of the with Emmanuel Lubezkiʼs cinematogra- our seatbelts undone and carry-on lug- heavier than our own luggage, it was a Italian pieces by Monteverdi created trip. phy skills, which seemed like they would gage in hand, she knew what was next sluggish yet satisfied sort of commute something of a challenge in Mr. Wal- Singing at a reception hosted by yield success. – Four-part harmony on the flight. Lubezki is a power player in the to Logan International. terʼs translation, yet he kept his noble Dan Bacon ʼ06 and his family, we got Despite her protests, St. Louis had Fidelioʼs director, Chris Walter, In- composure while explaining such lyr- to mingle with many familiar alumnists world of cinematography, having worked no choice but to join in and serenade on Lemony Snicketʼs A Series of Unfor- structor in Music, and his wife Caramel ics as, “you wound me, but I feel not in the nationʼs capital including John the passengers and crew aboard. As she tunate Events, Ali, Y tu mama tambien, chaperoned our trip. pain, but pleasure,” and “If I should die, Tincoff ʼ05 and Alex King ʼ05, both Reality Bites, and a slew of other hits. discovered early on, random singing After a brief layover at Charlotte, you will have but one sigh. But should I former members of Andoverʼs all-male Even the producer, Sarah Green, would be a regular occurrence during NC, we made it to Charleston, SC ready live, you shall have a thousand sighs.” aʼcappella group, the Yorkies. worked on major productions such as this yearʼs Fidelio trip. There was no to sing for our first group of alumni. Apparent in the chuckles and know- Afterwards, we only had a short Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Frida, escaping it. We performed at Middleton Place ing smirks during our performance, the evening and a morning remaining. and Girlfight. Short but richly sweet, the trip in- at a reunion for Andover classes in the audience shared our understanding ro- Our remaining adventures included The star-studded team that worked volved five such flights in the three days 60s. It was a beautiful historic land- mantic symbolism. French brunches, Valentines Day shop- on The New World is only rivaled by its of the mid-winter long weekend. mark, and we were allowed to tour the The next morning, we sang again at ping, death by lamb vindaloo, and a all-star cast. Andoverʼs premier aʼcappella plantation just before sunset. The end- the hotelʼs brunch for the alumni stay- lot of general loitering. It wasnʼt long Colin Farrell, with his stubby cheeks, group, Fidelio Society was invited to less gardens and murky sky put us all ing there. We performed a different rep- though, before the time to go to the air- has starred in almost twenty films in the sing for alumni in South Carolina and into warm moods. ertoire consisting of two sacred pieces port came around. last six years. In The New World he and our African All School Meeting Upon landing, we had two feet of actually has a beard, which is refreshing. special, “Rain,” we discovered that Af- snow and New England temperatures to Christian Bale, breeder of cult- rican trills and Christmas music made look forward to. classics such as American Pyscho and Equilibrium, was also Batman in Batman for good brunch listening. After three days of plane rides, ho- Begins. After Lauridsonʼs touching “O tel rooms, random serenades, and great So with all of this potential, where Magnum Mysterium,” Mr. Walter in- food, Andover was going to be hard does the film fail? The New World is an troduced our next piece with an allu- place to return to. ambitious adventure film based off the sion to Monty Python, saying “and now However devastating, we had to legend of Pocahontas. Indo-Pak Spices Up the Weekend for something completely different.” A face the facts, we were home. The legend is that John Smith arrives in America to find Jamestown. He falls in love with a native American princess, Pocahontas. This film attempts to steer clear of Cochranʼs the Disney-fied tale by making it darker – John Smith is introduced as a chained mutineer on one of the three ships, des- tined to be executed upon arrival. Resident Angel Smith is such a charismatic resource Cochran Chapel Consoli departed. in this new harsh world that the com- shined with an angel- The quintet played manding officer releases him. Eventual- ic voice and a bril- Olivia Pei Sonata for Trumpet ly, through a series of improbable events, liant trumpet. and Strings by Franz he becomes the leader of the settlement. On Friday, Feb- Reinhardt. There is a lot of bloodshed. Colo- ruary 10th, a breathtaking pair of mu- Later, they played So Shall the Lute nists perpetuate the clash of people by sicians performed, along with several and Harp Awake also from “Judas Mac- shooting natives without considering the others, at the Faculty Recital. cabeus” by Handel. ramifications. This recital was especially touching Most memorable was the rapidity Right when The New World should end, the film begins to elaborate on as it was in memory of a faculty friend, of the notes. Consoliʼs voice filled Co- John Zannini. chran Chapel with enthusiasm. It was Pocahontasʼ story after John Smith is B. Canaday/The Phillipian forced to return to England. Pocahontas Two students chow down at the Indo-Pak Dinner last Friday night. It consisted of five pieces. The re- apparent that this was Ms. Consoliʼs fa- falls in love with John Rolfe, played by cital began with Legend by Georges vorite piece because of the fast pace. Enescu, played by Christopher Walter, The piece, which included several Christian Bale. Most, if not all, finally deserts were Instructor in Music on the piano and parts, was also the longest. Drawn out eight years after the would probably plated up. Vincent Monaco, Instructor in Music They then performed Su le sponde legendary love story, the movie seems to agree: Food (par- Victoria Sanchez Traditional In- on the trumpet. del Tebro, a beautiful Italian piece by continue without purpose. ticularly Indian) is dian foods such as The New World received mixed It was clear that they both enjoyed Alessandro Scarlatti. All six musicians amazing. Bam. Itʼs aloo gobi (a dish feedback. On one hand the film does a the piece and worked well together. Mr. received so much applause that they not even a Eureka moment. It is a fact of cauliflower and potatoes in a green very good job at portraying what it was Walter Legend was a calm piece, per- performed an encore piece called Let of life. chilli sauce), chicken curry, naan (a like to explore a new world with a hand- fect for beginning the recital. “The first the Bright Seraphim from “Samson” On Friday night Indo-Pak hosted traditional flatbread), and rice were all ful of nature shots. piece was so relaxing!” said Elizabeth which was also a Handel aria. a charity dinner of traditional Indian served. The meal was topped off with The movie also doesnʼt simplify Finnegan ʼ06. What made the recital truly amaz- foods. The dinner guests, various Phil- the guestʼs choice of pistacio, vanilla, or Pocahontasʼ relationship with John This was followed by, Susan Con- ing was its exceptional sound. Played lips Academy students, faculty, and par- mango ice cream. Smith. In the Disney film, they some- soli, Instructor in Voice who sang in period pitch, each instrument had how communicate love at first sight ents, were waited on by various mem- The Indo-Pak dinner benefiting Fo- Lovely Peace from “Judas Maccabeus” to be tuned down to give a real perfor- during their first encounter. bers of the Indo-Pak Society in two cus was successful, thanks to several by George Frideric Handel, accompa- mance, as it would have been in Han- Malick doesnʼt allow this. Their first different sittings. factors. Keeping the dinner low-cost was nied by Instructors in Music Guiomar delʼs time. encounter is almost awkward, and they The dinner has been an annual fund- crucial, and many families generously Turgeo and Barbara Englesberg, on The musicians retuned after each donʼt meet again for quite some time. I raiser, hosted for at least four years, in donated their time and energy in order violins, Daniel Rowe on the cello, and song in order to keep the right pitch. would say the biggest strength of the support of various charity causes, in- to provide food for the dinner, so hardly Carolyn Skelton on the harpsichord. Ms. Consoliʼs voice was beautifully film is its ability to put the viewer into cluding last yearʼs Andover Tsunami any of the food served was ordered from Lovely Peace was a wonderful contrast powerful and clear. the environment. Unfortunately that Fund. This year, the dinner was held to a restaurant. to the first piece. “I love her distinct strong voice, didnʼt translate across in the plot. raise money for Focus Humanitarian As- The generosity of the Andover com- Ms. Consoli expressed the excite- it is amazing how she doesnʼt need a The very basis of the film wasnʼt sistance, an international organization munity was also key in coordinating a very captivating, so I was left bored ment of the aria very well. microphone and still manages to keep that provides relief to developing areas successful dinner. Hosted in the Under- from the marathon of a movie. In the next piece, Mr. Monaco re- us completely captivated,” said Liz around the globe. wood Room, the first sitting sold out, Despite the poor plot, the acting and entered with a different trumpet as Ms. Finnegan ʼ06. cinematography were as amazing as they Currently, Focus has been concen- and the second was three quarters full, were predicted to be. Farrell dominated trating its efforts on the victims of last an especially high turnout for a long the screen with his entrancing rebel yet yearʼs earthquake in the Asian sub-con- weekend. Indo-Pak estimated that be- leader persona. tinent. The earthquake, which hit in tween the two sittings, approximately Pocahontas, played by QʼOrianka October of 2005, was a massive 7.6 on 100 people attended the event. Kilcher, did everything I expected her the Richter scale and damaged areas of Co-head Rajeev Saxena ʼ06 said to. Bale, typically playing a frustrated Pakistan, India, and Afghanistan. The of the cause and success of the dinner, badass, steps out of his character roles losses were devastating. Around 73,000 “You just feel like youʼre doing a good and creates something pleasant and new. people were killed, and 70,000 more thing. I think it went really well.” Overall, this movie is a little less were injured. This idea was echoed by others who than decent. I liked the cinematography Focus serves the greater needs of attended the dinners. Berol Dewdney and the actors, but the poor plot and earthquake victims by providing food ʼ09 said, “It was a good cause, which epic length made me very unhappy. I for thousands of people in need, as well felt good. It was fantastic food, and I definitely wouldnʼt suggest going to see as access to transportation for those in learned a lot culturally.” it in theaters. need of medical attention. Ricky Chen ʼ09 said, “The food was Odds are youʼll come across this at a The menu of the charity dinner in- really good because part of it was home- friendʼs house. In that case, I would sug- gest considering watching it. Perhaps. cluded options for both meat-eaters and made, so I think the feeling really gave vegetarians. people a sense of authentic Indian food. The Underwood Room was trans- I never had Indian food before Friday, Courtesy of the Music Department formed into a restaurant for the night so now I really like it. Also, it was for Instuctor in Music Susan Consoli flaunted her beautiful voice at last Fridayʼs Final Grade: 3 as appetizers, then main courses, and charity, so that was really good.” faculty concert. 6 THE PHILLIPIAN NEWS FEBRUARY 17, 2006 AP Music and Physics ���������������� Programs Highly Ranked Ellen Harrington ʼ81 Ellen Harrington ʼ81 has Motion Picture Arts and exhibit of the 50 Oscars that are served as the Exhibitions Sciences? going to be given out. People How did Andover help Curator and Special Events can actually see all the statues, prepare you for your Programmer for the Academy I had worked in New York and even hold them and have career? of Motion Picture Arts and after graduating from NYU, their picture taken with them. Sciences in Los Angeles, CA doing various things in the In addition to that special, I would say the greatest for the past 10 years. Mrs. film industry. When I moved to there are also two exhibits that thing about Phillips Academy Harrington works with one California, I wanted to become are being shown all winter: one is that it teaches you to think, of the largest film collections part of the movie industry about production of movies, articulate, and write really well. in the world, and regularly here as well, but then I found and another about past Oscar If you can come up with clear organizes exhibits displaying my current job, which uses ceremonies. concepts, a definitive point of different elements of the my education in Art History, view, and communicate them Academyʼs history. At Andover, and it is also very connected Do you have another passionately, then whatever she was involved with The to the film industry. And that project coming up? field you go into, you will be This graph depicts AP grade distributions of 429 Phillips Acad- Phillipian, WPAA, several was important, to be able to able to do incredible things. emy students who took the exams in 2005. sports teams, and the Blue work with current directors We are planning to build a I donʼt think I would have will require students to retake Keys. After graduating from and writers. It was a complete major museum, so thatʼs a big that skill if I hadnʼt come to Continued from Page 1, Column 4 classes even if he or she received PA, she attended Dartmouth marriage in that way, because I focus. It should be finished Andover. A score of five is considered honor grades on their APs. College and then studied 20th had the experience from both within eight years. We want it equivalent to an “A” in a college For example, though Brown century literature and film in sides. to be a major landmark in Los What advice would you class, while a four is considered to University does not acknowledge graduate school at New York Angeles, a place that every give to current Andover be in the mid-A or upper-B range, AP credit, it does allow any students University. What was your favorite tourist will want to visit. students? according to the College Board who have already completed an film exhibit thus far? website. Most colleges accept AP level class to place above the How long have you been What are you most proud Try to think outside of the grades of four or five on APs in basic level college course in that interested in movies and I have been able to do a lot of doing at the Academy? box as much as possible. Itʼs place of the corresponding college subject. movie history? of exhibits that were really fun, really impossible to know how course. AP classes have evolved in the because they show how movies Overall, I am most proud many interesting jobs are out Instructor in Music Dr. Peter past 20 years. I have always been are made and they get people that my colleagues and I have there; I am doing something Warsaw, said, “APs give a course In AP Music Theory and interested in film. When I was excited about learning about taken the raw material of a that I didnʼt even know a certain validity.” He said that if Composition 20 years ago, there in the ninth grade at Andover, movies. Recently, we did a very very good program, with a lot existed. You think of doctors, a student can complete the course were only four students and they they had a film society that large and very popular exhibit of good resources from the lawyers, and politicians, but work for an AP class they will be were all serious musicians. Now showed movies every Friday about movie set decoration, Academy library, and we have there are so many things out able to succeed in the exam. there are approximately forty night. I was able to see movies and we built movie sets from grown it tremendously that it there. If students take courses PA’s Music Theory and students in AP Music Theory there that I otherwise wouldnʼt recent films like Harry Potter now is a major cultural force that interest them, and keep Composition course is currently and Composition and not all are have been able to see. I always and Spiderman. that is widely known. People their minds open to anything; ranked as the number one AP dedicated musicians. knew I would come back to look to us for exciting and they could find something very music course in the country for a Instructor in History and film, and thatʼs what I did with What is your current interesting programs, and it unexpected but completely “large school,” or one with more Social Sciences Carroll Perry, who graduate school and my career. project? really feels like what we do fulfilling. than 800 students between tenth teaches AP economics, found that is incredibly vibrant, and has to twelfth grades, by the College most of his students’ AP scores How did you begin Because the Oscars are become so over the last five or -Conor McKinnon ʼ08 Board. correspond with their term grades. working at the Academy of coming up, we just opened an six years. This ranking is based on However he said, “Occasionally collective scores from the students’ students do well in class but they APs and the number of candidates are already into college by the time from this school who took the in May when they take the exam Clubs Weigh Experience vs. Applications test. and their grade is not as important Pourri board,” said Scott. process these applications and thus Dr. Warsaw said, “Most By MOLLY SHOEMAKER to them and [so] they don’t do as CONGRAT- She continued, “We highly determine who will be on the new [students of AP Music Theory and well.” and KEVIN ZHAI value hard work and determi- board. Composition] place into at least The syllabi of AP classes vary nation, and also a love for the All students are welcome to second year theory, and some third depending on the teacher and the As Winter Term comes to an school.” apply; however, because of the ULATIONS end, student-run clubs on campus year…as shocking as it sounds, it’s subject; some are standard while Another new club on campus nature of the positions, a previous typical of Phillips Academy to do others are more fluid. are seeking talent- seeking candidates for the 2006- knowledge and experience in de- ed candidates to a lot in a short period of time.” The first term of AP Economics to the 2007 board is the Andover Eco- bate is imperative. In AP Physics C: Electricity is standard and the only term replace their cur- nomics Society (AES). Seniors are given the prefer- rent senior boards. and Magnetism, the College Board required in order to take the AES currently has a four-per- ence for the board, and Uppers for also ranked Andover as the number Microeconomics AP exam; the 2005-2006 While all the clubs son ExComm and four associates. associate positions. are in search of one “large school” in the nation. second term prepares students for Excomm consists of four mem- King said, “The application Instructor in Mathematics the Macroeconomics exam, while qualified students bers: two Co-Presidents, the Chief process has remained relatively to replace them, the application re- Patrick Farrell recalled grading AP the third is not related to the AP CUM LAUDE Financial Officer, and an Executive unchanged over the years, but fi- exams; a college professor entered exam program. quirements differ for each one. Director of Securities Research. nal decision as to the process rests Recent advertisements for The the room to commend the high At other schools, AP classes This is AESʼs first year as a with the Co-Presidents. This year, school teachers on the quality of are sometimes factored differently Society Megaphoneʼs board applications club, so there is no protocol that we have made a few minor modifi- state that “No Previous Experi- their teaching, and all the college into a student’s grade point they must follow in the application cations to the process, to the effect professors in the room stood up to average. Some teachers feel that ence is Necessary” for students in- process. that the outgoing Co-Presidents Students terested in applying for a position. applaud. this would encourage students to “Next yearʼs board will be will stay on in their positions lon- Most colleges accept AP credit take more advanced classes. Co-Editor-in-Chief of The selected this spring and will be ger in order to work with the new Megaphone Andrea Coravos ʼ06 and allow students who received a Andover students will begin based on three factors: devotion board and facilitate the transi- four or five to bypass equivalent registration for AP exams this said, “We are not requiring experi- to the club, financial expertise, tion.” ence not due to a lack of interest, courses. However, some schools week, though they will not take the Maria A Blackwood and leadership qualities,” said Co- do not recognize these scores and tests until the Spring Term. but because we donʼt want to scare President Conor Sutherland ʼ06. Felicity R Bloom away potential writers.” ExComm is comprised of Se- Coravos wanted to create a niors, while rising Uppers will fill Andrea R Coravos low-stress environment where stu- the associate positions. However, dent writers could showcase their Sutherland says that if a rising Bremer Fields Student Questions About Charles A Frentz talents. The main role of Mega- Lower was extremely qualified, phone editors is to recruit writers the board would seriously consider and edit sections; Coravos felt that him as an associate. His Experiences as a Career Diplomat Sarah B Gershkon these skills do not require much The AES board plans to con- Continued from Page 1, Column 2 general interest in international he was immediately accepted so previous experience. duct interviews for select candi- affairs and because his father was that they could send him there Anichya N Gujral Since no prior experience is dates after reading the primary U.S. Navy veteran who made before he had a chance to change necessary, the new board of the young age he was interested in applications. international affairs. He said that sure to instill every aspect of the his mind. Megaphone will depend solely Asked how he feels about the Andover motto of “Non Sibi” Before utilizing his degree in Eliza J Hartrich upon its applications. Coravos ad- while at Andover, he studied Latin application process, Sutherland and French which gave him the within his children. business as Chairman and CEO Anna S Ho mitted that it would be challenging said, “Since the current board is Ambassador Bremer spoke of of the Crisis Consulting Practice to evaluate work ethic with just an also the founding board of AES, the fact that throughout his career, of Marsh, Inc. and Managing Susan S Ho application, but she said that it is a we created the application process. he tried to keep to the words of Director of Kissinger Associates, risk that she will have to take. As we created it, we are very satis- his father, wanting to pay back his Inc. Ambassador Bremer worked Coravos said that the maga- fied with it.” debts to society. What originally on the State Department as Alison M Holliday zineʼs main goal is longevity. In Yet another club that is getting began as a planned five-year Executive Secretary of the State only its second year of publication, ready to select their new board is commitment to service before Department under the Ronald Eunice Hong The Megaphone must prove that PAʼs debate club, the Philomathean beginning a career in business Reagan Administration. He was it will not just fade out, like many Society (Philo). turned into 23 years spent in the later appointed the Ambassador Andrew A Hsiao new publications. The current Philo board con- public service. to the Netherlands and afterwards “We are looking for people sists of six Senior board members Among other things, the Ambassador-at-Large for Andrew Hung that can stick to deadlines and are and five Upper associates. Ambassador Bremer mentioned Counter Terrorism by Ronald highly organized. The Megaphone Emma King ʼ06 and Charlie his first foreign service posting, in Reagan. is a careful balance between stu- Frentz ʼ06 are the Co-Presidents. Afghanistan. When asked by Mr. On what Ambassador Pawina Jiramong- dent relationships and creating Dan Bacon ʼ06 and Owen Remeika Drench asked how he chose and Bremerʼs lecture would bring to a quality product on time,” said ʼ06 are the Heads of Membership why he wanted to be posted in the PA community Mr. Drench kolchai Coravos. Training. Ishani Vellodi ʼ06 is the Afghanistan, Ambassador Bremer said, “ I hope itʼll have an affect The Pot Pourri, run by Edi- Head of On-Campus Debate and gave three reasons. He wanted to to make people reflect carefully… Mia Kanak tor-in-Chief Tess Scott ʼ06, also Ben Levenback ʼ06 is the Head of go to a place that he had to travel Itʼs important for us to be critical- accepts inexperienced students, al- Off-Campus Debate. to, he wanted to go to a developing minded citizens and not settle Maria N Lechtarova though only in associate positions. According to Co-President country, and lastly he wanted the for simple slogans, but also to “The upper board is usually, country to have a medium sized ask--ourselves as well as public Emma King ʼ06, Philo will release B. Canaday/The Phillipian if not always, veteran associates board applications within the next embassy. He joked that when he officials--how we know what we Lynette C Lee that have been on at least one Pot Paul Bremer ’59 spoke of his few weeks. The current board will foreign service post in Iraq. requested to be placed in Iraq that know.” Domenica M Mac- Naughton My Khanh Ngo Can you meet a Palmer Rampell Elizabeth Ryznar deadline? Christine A Sargent Joshua S Schultz WRITE FOR Rajeev C Saxena Kate E Therkelsen NEWS Jennifer J Wang James S Watson Samuel B Weiss Last Minute x6407 Samuel W Woolford Wednesday Night x6742 Andrew Yoon Special Reports x6468* THE PHILLIPIAN NEWS FEBRUARY 17, 2006 7 Mr. Rotundo Speaks to The Phillipian on PA Experiences By MOLLY SHOEMAKER Instructor in History and So- school; he earned a Masterʼs De- cial Sciences Anthony Rotundo gree in Education from the School loves to laugh. of Education at Harvard Univer- According to his wife, he even sity. He taught at a public school laughs in his sleep. “I also save up near Andover, before returning to funny stuff that I heard during the school yet again to receive a Ph.D. day, and think about it as I go to in American History at Brandeis sleep and laugh. My wife finds this College. At Brandeis, he wrote his less than amusing,” said Dr. Rotun- doctoral dissertation on changes in do. He “saves up” jokes from The American manhood among white Daily Show, cartoons in the New middle-class men in the nineteenth Yorker, old Marx Brothers movies century. and Monty Python episodes. Dr. Rotundo used his disserta- With over twenty-five years tion as a springboard for his popu- of service at Phillips Academy, lar book, American Manhood: Dr. Rotundo is arguably one of Transitions in Masculinity from the most influential teachers to the Revolution to the Modern Era, have touched studentsʼ lives. His which was published in 1997. The J.Rockas/The Phillipian T.Anderson/The Phillipian students fondly call him “Golden book was one of the first written Through the All-School Housing Lottery, students can end up living in Pine Knoll Dorm Stuart Hall, or in a coveted Adams Hall single in West Quad South. Buttress of the Universe.” about the history of masculinity He came to PA in 1980 with his and menʼs roles in society. Colleg- fiancée, Kathleen Dalton, whom es often use American Manhood in the Academy had just hired to gender studies courses. Housing Committee Considers Factors Other teach History and Social Sciences. Dr. Rotundo is on the editorial “[Working at PA together] board of several scholarly journals, gave us a chance to keep teach- such as “Men and Masculinity,” Than Seniority in Room and Dormitory Assignment ing when our kids were little and “Gender and History,” and “Com- Students who must leave lottery number than a freshman, “I don’t know [who has the power still have a lot of time with them. monplace,” an online history pub- Continued from Page 1, Column 5 their dorms, such as freshmen, the freshman got the room. In this to revise the lottery system]. It also helped my wife and I keep lication. He has written many re- Prefects, and those returning case, the Committee displaced I suppose I do, but I don’t East Side. You have to see if there working on our books,” said Dr. views for The Washington Post and from School Year Abroad (SYA) Casey in order to maintain a honestly see anything wrong. Rotundo. has been interviewed for articles in is one available first. You’ve got are displaced, and thus have balance of grades in the dorm. I think it works well by giving Dr. Rotundo spent fifteen years The New York Times, The Boston to make sure there’s real estate priority over those with higher Though the Committee seeks students who have been at the as a house counselor in Stuart from Globe, and Time Magazine. available before you make your lottery numbers. to achieve equilibrium of ages school longer priority,” she said. 1983 to1999, and was involved in One of Dr. Rotundoʼs favorite choice.” However there is a hierarchy in each dorm, there will always This year’s housing selection founding the Brace Center for gen- memories of his time at Andover There is widespread confusion within this system, as each grade be a small imbalance as the process will begin on April der studies in 1996; he currently was teaching his son, Peter Ro- on campus regarding the system has preference over the ones Senior class is the largest, but 18. This is the same day that serves as a co-director. He also tundo ʼ05, in his gender course and how it allocates housing as beneath it. Thus, even if a Senior as Ms. Edwards said, “We don’t Prefects are chosen for the 2006- organized the Gender Symposium, last year. “I was nervous about it, many students do not understand draws a considerably larger want dorms to be dominated by 2007 school year. Students who an all-school forum that meets ev- but it was a great class and a great its mechanics, or their rights if number than a Lower, the Senior seniors.” enter the Housing Lottery will ery few years to discuss gender group of kids, and they made me they choose to move to an in- will still have priority. When questioned about the draw numbers between May 8 relations in commemoration of the look like a great teacher in front of cluster dorm. StudeNts can always choose fairness and effectiveness of and May 10. Housing decisions PA-Abbot merger. my son. That felt good!” he said. Based on the results of the to remain in a dorm, and if there the system, Ms. Edwards said, are announced as soon as the He was one of the first associ- A group of Stuart seniors All-School Lottery, a Housing is an available double room in “I think it’s very fair. There are final decisions have been made, ate deans in the office of Commu- painted a picture of Mr. Rotundo Committee, composed of Ms. the dorm, he or she can “pull-in” lots of schools where students usually between May 19 and nity and Multicultural Develop- in his honor when he was their Edwards and all five cluster a friend from another dorm or are assigned to a dorm and they May 22. ment (CAMD). Dr. Rotundo also house counselor. The painting deans, selects which student to cluster as their roommate. live there for all four years. I like However, at recent cluster helped begin the date rape aware- hung in Stuart for over a decade; it send to each dorm. If students There is also an in-cluster the fact that we have ninth grade meetings, deans encouraged ness program and was on the com- was taken down in 1999 when Dr. mittee that founded Life Issues in Rotundo left the dorm. choose to enter the Lottery instead lottery, which occurs before the dorms…we’ve got 42 dorms and students to begin to consider the late 1980ʼs. “I used to think it looked like of moving within their dorm Housing Lottery. Members of a only 18 of them are big, big dorms, housing arrangements for the or cluster, the Committee will He grew up in Schenectady, John Lennon until a student point- cluster are given their choice of so the majority are stackable (the upcoming year. New York, then proceeded to Wes- ed out to me that it looked more choose their living arrangements dorm within that cluster before ones with eight students or less). Soon students will be asked based upon seniority, the ratio leyan University, He graduated like David Koresh, the religious students from other clusters are Between stacking, pulling in, in- to fill out a sheet specifying their with a degree in American Studies. fanatic...Iʼm still close to a lot of between various grades in a dorm, assigned to dorms. cluster moving, students have a grade, current dorm, desired whether or not the student will be After college, he taught at public those seniors,” said Dr. Rotundo. Despite a system that works lot of options.” dorms in sequential order, elementary schools in Manhattan A man of good humor, Dr. Ro- displaced, and the numbers which to give older students priority, Ms. Edwards said that she whether or not they wish to move he or she draws in the Lottery. and southern New Hampshire. tundo continues to leave an imprint some upperclassmen have voiced does not see a need for a revision clusters, and whether or not they Mr. Rotundo then returned to on his students and friends. Priority is given first to dissatisfaction about the weight of the housing allocation system. will spend any terms off campus. upperclassmen, and then placed on seniority. displaced students; only after Peter Casey ’07 wanted to live these two factors have been in Foxcroft last year. Although discussed do lottery numbers he was older and drew a higher PA Phone Policy Lax; Taft enter the equation.

Prohibits All Cellpermitted Phone during the Use allotted Continued from Page 1, Column 1 times when other cell phones much stricter policies, which are permitted and in the same Picture of the Week they enforce more frequently. locations. This rule is in place Choate Rosemary Hall’s to prohibit the use of cell phones provisions in the school handbook in places where privacy should give students little freedom be guaranteed, such as locker concerning cell phone use on rooms, bathrooms, or dormitory campus. At Choate, cell phone rooms. use is prohibited on campus or The Taft School absolutely in any academic buildings, with prohibits use of cellular phones only a few exceptions. at the school at any time. At Choate, both cell phones At Milton Academy, the and dormitory room phones are school’s policy states that Courtesy of The Rotundos turned off during study hours cellular phones may not be used The painting Seniors created and dedicated to their house coun- selor, Instructor in History and Social Science Anthony Rotundo. and at night. Cell phones may be in academic buildings when used in a student’s classes are in dorm room only session, as well during allotted times At Choate Rosemary Hall, as in the dining when all phones are cell phone use is prohibited room, locker authorized for the on campus...with a few rooms, library, student body use. exceptions...At St. Paulʼs or in bathrooms. Day students at School, students are barred Students are Choate are allowed from possessing cell required to turn off to use their cell phones on campus. cell phones during phones in the day school assemblies, student locker Chapel, and other areas, but only between and after mandatory gatherings. classes. Student use of cell phones is Day students are permitted prohibited during study hours, or to use their cell phones in place any other time when their dorm designated for calling home for room phone is disconnected. a ride from their Athletic Center, When asked, a student must turn as well as a designated location his or her cell phone off. Milton’s outside of the Arts Center and in handbook, much like Andovers’, the Cyber Café in the school’s stresses the fact that students activities center. must be considerate of their peers A violation of this policy when using cell phones. would result in disciplinary At St. Paul’s School, students action, with punishments ranging are barred from possessing cell from Saturday night detention to phones on campus. The St. two weeks on restriction. Paul’s school handbook allows B. Canaday/The Phillipian Choate’s cell phone policy advisors to confiscate cell phones Students walk beneath the archway of trees near the great lawn, also restricts the use of camera brought for traveling purposes as 50 degree weather melts the weekend snow. phones. Camera phones are only when school is in session. 8 THE PHLLIPIAN FEATURES February 17, 2006

by Pete Smith And, by some vast stretch of the tered a stage in its development FEATURES PHAT BEATS imagination I canʼt even begin to called expansionism. Much like Q: I have (nor will attempt to) comprehend, puberty, expansionism was a England thought they had rights very awkward time for America. by John Badman yelling] “I still run this place! [I a terrible A wise man once told me that FEATURES “AVE! MORITURI wipe ketchup off my brow] This the great Democracy of America to this, the greatest country in the America, was realizing its man- rash “down world. Silly England. Apparently hood, and promptly asserting it TE SALUTANT” is my school! Do you know who there.” is to the rest of the world, as Tar- I am? Do you know how much zan is to the Jungle. King! Sim- you forgot to read the a little piece via tactical military strikes on oth- How of paper I like to call The Decla- er countries. However, we were Retirement can make a man pull I have around here?” should I fix ply put, America is the greatest Janitor: [he picks up a wrin- country in the world. If any other ration of Independence: where it also coming into contact with our question his authority. Itʼs a di- it? states, “We hold these truths to be more feminine side by assuring rect shot to his manliness. Ever kled and stained Phillipian from country wishes to dispute this the corner, unfolds it, and points statement, Iʼm sure that America self-evident, that all men are cre- women no positive roll in society! since stepping down as a features ated equal, that they are endowed It was during this awkward phase, editor, I have been testing my re- at a picture of me] “This is who A: Gross. will be more than obliged to sit you used to be. Funny how things Why do you feel you have the down and have a nice, simple by their Creator with certain Un- that America became cognizant spect in the Andover community. I usually wake up at 5 in the can change, huh?” liberty to ask me such a disturb- “arms to arms” meeting with you alienable Rights, that among these of the fact that it did not mix well Me: “Youʼre fired! Youʼre are life, liberty and the pursuit of with other countries, and in a morning, with tears smudging ing question? Ask Bartz is not a and your people. Yet, as great as the eyeliner I forgot to take off done! [I break down crying, am America is, the oldest and most Ass Kicking.” Needless to say, battle for playground superiority, hunched over feeling sick] Do column for losers, and only los- ruckus ensued and these afore- America entered into World War after the dress up party I had with ers/freaks have rashes, especial- fabled civilization in all of human my stuffed animals the night be- you know who I am? Iʼm editor. existence was not built in a day. mentioned rights were utilized to 1. Iʼll spare you the details of this Iʼm the man. Iʼm funny Badman. ly “down there”. Thankfully, I the fullest extent. England was virtual snooze fest of a war. Long fore. I walk to the window, open have no experiences with rashes, Therefore, we (as knowledgable it, lean out, and just cry. I see a Iʼm funny Badman.” vanquished. story short, America owned. Janitor: “O.K. pal. [he starts which means my rash solution citizens) must realize that there squirrel playing with his friend. However, what type of objec- Later, America would also whistling, mopping the floor. He will include a lot of lies and other was once a far and distant time I see Andres Bobadilla ʼ06 on his in the “long long ago” in which tive history would this be, if we venture into two other wars much raises his head.] I thought you good things. Just kidding. But werenʼt to mention some of the like WWI, however these wars way to his hidden tree fort. There America only held the potential to is nothing else I can do but cry. would make it. Now youʼre a seriously. be the greatest Country ever. Letʼs “darker” points in American his- were not as easily fought. Amer- nothing, kid, youʼve got no fu- The first step to curing a rash tory? Take for instance the Civil ica suffered severe losses, and it There is nothing else I can do. explore! Going to Cannon and Cur- ture.” is to recognize what type of rash In 1492 Christopher Colum- War. Many have speculated as to is disputed that the Americans My parents used to send me the exact causes of the bloodiest might have even lost in Vietnam... tisʼs celebratory parties for their you have. I attempted to do some bus sailed the proverbial “ocean new editor positions did not help packages full of candy, money, war in American history, yet the Just Kidding. Ha, I had you go- research on the different types of blue”, and invented America. It with my emptiness. Cannon was mixed nuts, and bunny rabbits— rashes, but that was a big mis- was here in America that Colum- most promising reason for the ing there didnʼt I. You goose. I up on stage in a coat and tie, in happy things—every day while I take. Within a few seconds, I was bus first encountered our long Southern succession was that the mean really what were you think- front of everybody, giving an ac- was an editor. Now, they send me subjected to a picture of a rash time pals the Native Americans, North kept saying “wicked” in- ing: America losing at anything? ceptance speech, when I came empty boxes, sometimes putting in notes that read, “We all knew on someoneʼs shoulder. Do you who were like regular humans, stead of “very”. This injustice Thatʼs about as funny as the nine- stumbling through the door at it wouldnʼt last forever,” and “We have any idea how disgusting except more susceptible to eugen- to the English language could teenth amendment. We owned in the back of the room, a bottle of not, and would not be tolerated WWII, and suffered only minor Jack clenched in my bloodied did love you at one point,” and rashes are??? ics, and painted with the colors of “At least Cannonʼs parents have the wind. Nonetheless, word of by the South. Therefore, the two casualties (7 to be exact), and hand, and wearing a bunny out- Honestly if I got a scar, I parts of the nation decided that it Vietnam was more like a Jungle something to be proud of.” would first freak out and then The New Land (French for Amer- fit. I tripped, dropped the bottle, was only proper to throw down in Boogie than a vicious war. War and cried when it smashed all When your grandfather calls use the completely natural and ica) spread like the plague across you and asks for his cufflinks feudal Europe. Soon enough, the a vicious, no holds-barred, cage is easy, if youʼre an American. All over the floor. Security dragged intuitive solution. Fingernails. match to the death. The North of this leads us to America in its me out. I have a court date next back, the ones that he gave you Scratching is the honest cure-all Good News of America reached as his favorite grandson, you feel the Pilgrims in England, who won by TKO when it smashed the present state. Widely considered month. for every type of skin problem. like you have disgraced your gleefully hopped the first flight South into submission with the a panacea, America is in essence Sometimes I walk to the Phil- Trust me. Donʼt listen to your family. When he hangs up on over. The Pilgrims landed their steel chair it had stashed under- a utopia. There is no crime in lipian room, sit on the sofas, and mother when she tells you not to neath the ring. To this day, many America, as breaking laws is ille- pretend to write articles. As I you mid-sentence, after you said 747-luxury-line on the legendary you would send them regular scratch a scar or rash. Scratching Plymouth Rock, and with noth- Southerners viewed this as cheat- gal (a simple policy that is prov- drift into a drug-fueled stupor, ing, and still claim victory in the ing highly effective). Currently I see Merit Webster ʼ06 giv- mail instead of priority, because is a gratifying, instant solution ing but sheer determination and a your parents cut off all monetary name of South. America is attempting to branch ing out news assignments. Oh, that you will never regret. The one handbook entitled How to fool the funds, you canʼt do anything but and only side effect of scratching Native Americans they founded a America soon learned from its out and touch several other parts there is Sam Hall ʼ06 taking a picture! See, we are still running cry. Just cry...just cry. is even more scratching and this nation. Sweet. mistakes, and decided that instead of the world with its extendable this show! I wake up suddenly in If there is one thing I have will just end up quickening your While I give mad props to of worrying about its own prob- olive branch so that someday learned from this experience, ʻtis lems, there was a desperate need these lucky countries may too Ryley Room with a Commons recovery. Why do you think you the Pilgrims for all their troubles, worker pushing me off the sofa. better to have never written at are so tempted to scratch skin le- I regret to inform you that they to police all of the other parts of live in a perfect world as we do. all, than to have written and been the world. Thusly, America en- Thatʼs truly the American Dream. I landed in a pool of ketchup, sions? Because itʼs the answer! werenʼt American but English. and I lick it to see if it is stale. raped of your position. Three Animal instincts should never be It isnʼt and I havenʼt eaten in a hard years I broke my back for suppressed. If you are feeling ex- week. As I shovel it into my that paper. Three years. I could travagant, I recommend buying a mouth, the Commons worker have started a small family in the Amazon during that time. I could back scratcher so you can reach kicks me, and I get up to look at the clock. It is almost sign in, have written a novel. I could have every square millimeter of your had the hair around my knees re- body. and the place is empty. There is a janitor cleaning the moved by laser treatment. I know what you are think- I am off to a convention in ing, Why I canʼt I just use such staircase as I walk up out of Ry- ley Room. I try to cover my face Wyoming. The Annual Peyote and such lotion? Unless you want before he recognizes me. Too Smoking Championship is taking to be shunned and publicly ridi- late. place, and every time I see those culed for the rest of your life, I Janitor: “Hey kid, what the beautiful colors, I just forget donʼt think you should use lo- hell happened to you? You used about everything. Wish me luck. tion. Creams are far superior to to be something, kid, you used to I am up against the accredited lotions. I have BenGayʼd for 5 be something.” ʻRunning Water,ʼ who has won Me: [muffled cries, I start all seventy five years the compe- years and truthfully, I donʼt even tition has been around. know what the heck BenGay is for. So do yourself a favor and grow those nails past the 1/20 of an inch I recommended in my “how to get ladies” article 4 Spice Up Your Life weeks ago. A sturdy nail length of 3/20 inches should suffice if you want to heal any rashes. Do realize that you wonʼt get any la- Posh x2522 dies in the meantime. Scary x2530 Luv, Geri Halliwell x2761 Bartz Courtesy of Jared Curtis Dave Curtis: Features Resident Hobo. Please note the Xtreme mutton chops and guidstache.

President Bushʼs continued ef- David Curtis Perhaps he believes that, until the Apparently Republicans can Will Cannon middle classes with little to ben- forts to give tax cuts to the rich are DONKEY PUNCH aforementioned anagnorisis takes do nothing right. Blood thirsty WEAPONS OF MASS efit from. However if the lower just about as ridiculous as violent in German-made automobiles, place, a Republican will always Democrats pounce upon every DEDUCTION and middle classes were better Islamic protest against the portray- wear Italian-made suits, drink grace the Oval Office with his pres- opportunity to chastise the GOP. has worked hand in hand with el- at this little game us Americans al of Mohammad as a belligerent French champagne, and invite ence. Or perhaps he just really, re- This time, Senator Robert Melen- derly and what they want to gov- like to play called “capitalism” suicide bomber in a Danish news- ally likes driving his Hummer and Thai women over for dinner while dez of New Jersey has accused ernment to do for them. Under the , they would be able to reap its paper. That is to say, trickle down their wives are out of town. feels the need to give tax breaks to President Bushʼs new budget as benefits. Those tax breaks are economics is a wonderful theory, the oily hand that feeds his insa- new budget, Medicare will issue Furthermore, if stimulating the an attack on the middle class of a single, syringe known as the aimed to remind the wealthy how but it simply does not work. economy truly is Mr. Bushʼs inten- tiable penchant. Regardless of his America. He could not be more gracious we are for the contribu- Let me give you a for instance, motivation, it seems clear that the “omnibus solution”. Engineered tion, then cutting taxes for the poor wrong. Democrats like Mr. Me- by Dr. Kevorkian himself, this tions they make to the American here. [Editorʼs Note: As a general would have much the same result. wealthy will not be paying more in lendez make false accusations convenient little needle will solve economy. In America, we work rule, anything involving numbers If the President were to give tax terms of income taxes at least until is too highbrow for Features. If 2008. That is, unless a Republican similar to this one on a daily ba- for our money, and that is what breaks to the poor, he could be sure sis. However if they did some makes this country great. If the you so desire, you may wish to that they would spend their money wins the election. Fortunately, al- skip this paragraph altogether.] though I do not have a ouija-board research, they would realize such “If the government were government were to just hand out Consider the CEO of a Fortune 500 on hand, I think itʼs safe to say that statements have little or no valid- to just hand out free mon- free money to everyone, America company, Mr. Goodenrich, mak- “This weekend I shaved thatʼs just about as likely as Dick ity. ey to everyone, Ameri- would lose its work ethic, similar ing $10 million a year. With this my beard into mutton Cheney shooting one of his hunt- The new budget actually ca would lose its work to a nameless country north of the exorbitant salary, he is more than chops. It was mantas- ing buddies by mistake. Again. does not affect the middle class boarder. capable of buying that new Ferrari Notably, there is a far sim- what so ever. Instead, it aims to ethic, similar to a name- Democrats are also com- regardless of whether his income tic.” pler solution to the issue at hand. lower energy costs, revolutionize less country north of the plaining the president is using tax amounts to $3,474,062.50 or If the proletariat were to rise up Medicare, and help tax payers. boarder.” the countryʼs money unwisely. $3,957,740. And I think itʼs impor- against his bourgeois opressor, all The new budget does not attack Senator Melendez has postulated tant to note that I actually did the preconceived concepts of “class” on real American products, like li- the middle class, but rather the most health problems experienced that Bushʼs spending on special math out to get those numbers, us- quor, cigarettes and lottery tickets. would be abolished. We could lower class. It aims to remove all interests would add 4 trillion dol- ing a base tax of $88,320 plus 35% start over in a far more equal and by the elderly, and will cost next Or, at the very least, they would funding from inner city schools to nothing. In addition to this, the lars to the national debt. First of and 40%, respectively, of every purchase cheap Chinese imita- much happier communistic world. and youth programs. The newly all, Senator Melendez is clearly dollar earned over a bracket-mini- Of course, this assumes that the budget also eliminates all of those tions of American products that, redirected money will go to the unnecessary taxes that go towards exaggerating, because no one in mum of $326,450. Thank God for thanks to the miracle of globaliza- American people would be will- creation several power generators helping students pay for college. the world can count to 4 trillion. the TI-83+. tion, would benefit the American ing to put aside their own selfish Anyways, back to my point: interests in favor of the good of the resembling hamster wheels to be Instead of letting those college Hence, if this man is making up economy anyways by way of the operated by the newly idle urban statistics, how can he be taken se- the fact is that lowering taxes higher income taxes paid by those nation as a whole. But that, Com- bound hippie scum lounge around youths. Hence, America will be riously? for the upper echelon of high so- American-companies-turned- rade Reader, is a question of hu- enjoying your hard earn money, ciety is far from a good thing. multinational-conglomerates that man nature. [Editorʼs Note: Weʼre able save money and conserve they will have to actually work The new budget will benefit all One might argue, as I referred to choose to outsource their labor. at least pretty sure that David isnʼt more fossil fuels so you no longer for a living. real, tax paying Americans. Those briefly, that doing so allows the Yet our President chooses to ig- actually a Marxist. We decided he have to force your children into Democrats are complaining who oppose this budget obviously upper class to further stimulate nore this simple paradigm. just draws no distinction between prostitution just to fill up the tank that the budge includes a 648 bil- have something to hide or are just the American economy. However Perhaps Mr. Bush feels that Democrats and Communists, and of your Lincoln Navigator. lion on tax breaks for those who not true Americans. This budget the truth of the matter is that rich keeping the lower classes on the thought it would be funny to rep- The budget also helps the el- earn more than 1million dollars is perfectly sound and lacks any people do not purchase American verge of starvation will keep them resent a communist representing a derly. President Bushʼs new cabi- a year, leaving the lower and of the civil injustices Democrats goods. Instead, they drive around from recognizing their own plight. Democratʼs point of view. net member Dr. Jack Kevorkian claim it to be inundated with. THE PHLLIPIAN FEATURES February 17, 2006 9

The following articles were written by writers new to the Features section. They both wrote in response to the prompt “Describe your most romantic experience.” They are both big goons. Please vote for which article you find funnier, via email, to [email protected] by Sunday night at 8:00 pm... The winner of last weekʼs Faceoff is Blaine Johnson.

made me weak in the knees. We emy. As I went through the box of stalking the girls by follow- Mississippi laughed and actually chatted for a bit and finally after I could not find anything that by John Burke ing them around on the moving said that she was kind of offend- by Zack Johnson FEATURES ILLITERATE FOOL FEATURES NEGATIVE FLOW about ten minutes of small talk would satisfy JPʼs fine taste boardwalks that were like esca- ed. They left soon after at which he asked me if I would go on a for fashion. I ran to Joseʼs little lators. After about ten minutes point I was almost being drowned Thinking back on my most ro- Andover Boys Hockey is the date with him. I was in shock; closet and told him I needed his or so, we finally realized that by Yeager, Zack, and Yoni. mantic experience, my mind takes most romantic group of kids I couldnʼt believe that THE JP finest clothing articles. He told we were following them without Back in our room, the action re- me to the events of last yearʼs talking or having made the deci- ally started to hear up. I climb in on the planet. Every single one Martignetti asked me out to din- me that he had the perfect item spring break. Yoni Gruskin, Zack of these fine figures of mascu- ner. I told him to pick me up at for the occasion. It was a 1984 sion to follow them at all. Funny with an already slumbering Yea- Johnson, Matt Yeager, and I de- how the male brain works. ger as he claimed “dibs” on shar- linity are each special in their the gym at 7 pm. Miami Dolphins t-shirt and a cided to take a little trip to Uni- So after realizing that we were le- ing the bed with me and Zack and I was so nervous; I had never pair of electric yellow parachute own way. First off, I will talk versal Studios before the lacrosse git stalkers we decided to look for Yoni heading over to their bed. about the love of my life, JP gone on a date with such a hunk pants. I threw on the clothes, trip at the Kissimmee Ho Jo. The some more girls back at our hotel. As Yeager can commonly be mis- Martignetti ʼ06. When I hear before. I mean this one time I gelled my hair, and ran outside little adventure was filled with hu- Going back through the mob of taken for a cuddly Teddy Bear, he his name I get butterflies in my did go out to dinner with J.J. anxiously awaiting JPʼs arrival. morous events; the action all be- drunk leprechauns and Mandango was very comforting in the night. stomach and goose bumps all McGregor, but that ended up a After about five minutes of gan one night after “teen curfew” warriors (it was St. Patrticks Day) Around 5:30 A.M. I awake to over my body. He could be the mess. Letʼs just say that having waiting I saw this beautiful at the Universal Studios board- we found our way onto the ferry Mattʼs burly arms wrapped around single most romantic human be- pickle races does not go over as creature arriving in the horizon. walk. Aimlessly walking/looking back to the Hard Rock Cafe. The my shoulders and his hairy chest ing on the planet. In the follow- well with McDonalds employ- It was John Paul on his bright for our hotel we four from Phil- ferry ride back was quite interest- resting uncomfortably close to ing I am going to tell you about ees as it used to. Back to the green tricycle. He had a grin lips Academy with our polos and ing, and our remarks concerning my back, as I was sleeping on my the most romantic experience of story, I ran to the gym to try and from cheek to cheek and asked rainbows stood amidst hundreds how we just stalked three girls side. I look over at Zack and Yoni my life, the first date I ever had find a nice outfit for the night. me if I was ready for a night of all running around in the six foot mixed with the love boat girlsʼ who are lying straight as boards with John Paul. I looked through my locker but romance. I hopped on the back Ecko t-shirts and Air Jordans. humor, whom we thought were as far away from one another as It was a warm spring eve- all I had were Blaine socks, of his tricycle and we rode off We decided to maybe look definitely in college, which ruined possible. around for some girls before ning, the birds chirping, and the and those tiny cotton shorts into the sunset. You know what our chances with them. (Editorʼs So I ward off the bear and again the cops made us go back to the aroma of flowers in the air. I that only Tony Christiano could happens next. No, no that. Perv. Note: Burke, please learn how to fall back asleep. In no time I hotel. Spotting some potential write) Spirits down, we trudged awake again and find Yeager, who was sitting on the Great Lawn, fill with his glorious badonka- That was the most romantic love-meat outside of the Quick- studying of course, because donk. Now I was feeling under experience of my life. back to the hotel room and decid- has only shorts on and same with silver shop, we decided to make ed to make a little trip out to the me, practically cuddling with me. Zack Johnson is a hardwork- the gun, I didnʼt have anything our move. This consisted of kind hot tub and check out the action This time I decide itʼs not worth good to wear to impress JP. I de- ing student who is very driven brewing there. the effort to push him away and towards his academics. As I cided to turn to my last resort, Thanks to the eyes of the bright fell asleep in his arms, his body was continuing my study of the the most glorious box of magic Yoni Gruskin (Hop on the Poni warming me as he stole all of the Nuclear Dynamic Physiology on campus, the Boys Lost and and Vote for Yoni) we spotted blankets. The night was one to re- of the Stem Cell Mitochondria Found. My man, Jose, fills this some serious action in one of the member, I actually slept and cud- I heard a sudden chorus of “Su- little cardboard box up with all hot tubs hidden densely in the dled with a man before a woman. perstar” by the Carpenters on of the goodies that he has come fake foliage. We quickly shuffled The next day we wake up about my cellular telephone device. across since he has commenced over and hopped in. Before we 9:00 oʼclock and pack as we have And to my surprise it was Mr. his greatly appreciated career knew what has happened, us four to head out for the Ho Jo later that John Paul Martignetti. His voice here at the great Phillips Acad- are sitting in the hot tub with the day. The four of us make one last love boat girls. Ohh Man were trip back to the pools and hot tub. we excited. Yoni, the obvious la- Sitting in the hot tub, we see the dies man in the bunch, started a girls from last night come over Features Presents... conversation. We find out that and hop in. They claim they are they were actually both our age actually in eight grade and start and looking for some action if giggling and run off. Stupid mid- op you know what I mean. dle-schoolers. As time passes on, one of the As we leave the hotel, Yeager T en girls mentions that they are both says to Yoni, “one, two, three, from Mississippi. Having never four, five, six, seven, EIGTH T been to Oleʼ Miss myself, I was GRADE Yoni, way to be, end- Nearly Olympic Sports stupid enough to ask if people ing our interesting three day ad- rode down the river in wooden venture at the Hard Rock Café in rafts and fished for catfish all Universal Studios, but beginning day, since I read Huck Finn once. of a whole new experience at the Which didnʼt spike the conver- Howard Johnson in Kissimmee, sation much so I began to make Florida for the Spring break la- 10. Slime Volleyball Louie Psihoyos/Corbis the sound of a baby quail during crosse trip. But thatʼs a story for ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! the hatching period. The girl a different time. that mentioned they were from 9. Dwarf Hurling

8. Hobo Boxing

7. Segway Jousting mos a mi país de origen y tenemos off of a shelf, hitting my oh-so- Patrick! Oh my Patrick! –who by Blaine Johnson muchos bebes.” defined left cheekbone. had revived me the first time! FEATURES GROSS I was pretty sure that that meant But THEN the very attrac- And here he was again! Ah, true something like, “Come here, I tive male surgeon (a.k.a. Patrick love!) Patrick carried me up the 6. Quail Hunting with My most romantic experience... will take care of you and pay your Dempsey) came to my rescue. He grand staircase, into the master Right. shopping expenses for all eter- freed me from the hospital bed bedroom, placing me gently on The manly scent of his cologne nity.” Deeply romantic. Anyway, and carried me in his arms, up the king-sized bed, covered in Dick Cheney tempted my nose, filling my lungs I liked the idea, so he whisked to the internsʼ locker room, so I rose petals... with pleasure. Surely he would be me off to Rio de Janeiro, where could shower (though he had of- The next morning, (haha NO ready soon. I trembled with an- we were to spend the rest of our fered to lick the marmalade off of you donʼt get to hear about my ticipation. Five, four, three, two, small, happy lives. my buxom self). magical night with Patrick) he one! I opened the door – there he So, because I wanted to, the next A short while later, while I was had already left when I woke up. 5. Competitive Crying was! I grabbed him by the elbow, day. we went to the beach. There, showering (naked), he came in to There was a note on the bedside walking with him to our special the most terrible thing happened see if I needed anything. The only table – place. I sat down, winking at him – my new lover (I never even thing I needed was him, and I told “Make yourself at home, my seductively. He was just too hot to learned his name) was swept him so. darling. Forever yours, Patrick.” handle right then; I looked away, away by the undercurrent and “Take me, Patrick,” I whispered. So I moseyed on down to the 4. Sumo String-Bikini teasing him. subsequently eaten by a shark. He wrapped me in his coat and kitchen, opened the fridge, and But I couldnʼt wait any longer. I Very sad. carried me out to his limo. His LO and BEHOLD – Ben and Jer- flung myself at him, undoing his In a fit of grief, I leapt up to run chauffeur drove us to his man- ryʼs Half Baked! This, my good Mudwrestling bow tie, moaning in anticipation. after him – but I tripped, fell, and sion as Patrick murmured sweet friends, was truly the most ro- He kissed me, and I tasted his fla- smashed my head into something nothings into my ear. (It had been mantic experience of my life. vah, full and enticing. I sighed in rather hard. Probably a rock. The pleasure. He smiled as I licked next thing I knew, someone was the glistening oil off his rock-hard stroking my forehead with a damp 3. Whoever is able to lis- abs, my tongue caressing his suc- cloth, murmuring sweet nothings culent muscles. in my ear. I sat up with a start, ten to Avril Lavigne the Then, without warning, I hear knocked heads with that special Jorgeʼs voice! No! He mustnʼt see someone, and was promptly un- us! If weʼre caught – conscious, once again. longest without popping “Closink in fie minoots,” Jorge When I woke up for the sec- says, turning towards me. Shit! I ond time, I found myself lying was just getting started on my Mac on a hospital bed, strapped to it, a blood vessel in his eye and cheese, and now Jorgeʼs found in fact, with large rubber bands. me. [Note to reader: Of course At this point, my roommate said, wins. you are well acquainted with “el- “Blalagalashshsga. Fruit!” (Thatʼs bow” and “bow tie” macaroni... a direct quote.) I took this to mean The “abs” of a noodle happen to that he was deeply in love with be that rippley part in center of me, so, a little creeped out, I began the bow tie.] Jorge snatches Mac to wheel myself out of the room. 2. Clubbing baby seals (E. Cheese) from my arms, and Unfortunately, right outside, there no! Mac goes willingly, caressing happened to be a steep wheelchair the inside of Jorgeʼs wrist! access ramp, which I promptly I collapsed, weeping, unto the sped down at a neckbreaking Commons floor, my left elbow pace , into the kitchen, crashing landing in spilled milk. I cried into a food cart, which, very luck- 1. Squash for what seemed like, well, thirty- ily, happened to be loaded with four seconds, when I heard an- orange marmalade, causing me other voice. Could it be? No, not to be not only gooey, but also a Josh Hartnett. Poo. pale sort of tangerine colour. And “Ay, Señorita maravillosa. ¿Qué I was still strapped to a hospital K. Matsumoto/The Phillipian haces allí en el piso? Déjame, va- bed. A box of Ritz crackers flew Their babies will be sooooooo cute! 10 THE PHILLIPIAN SPORTS February 17, 2006 US Chokes At Olympics; BOYS HOCKEY Bode Miller Leads Charge Crushing Loss by Alex Campbell PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER To Cushing The Olympics are in full many were outraged that the stride, and the good old US of A face of American skiing would Continued from Page 12, Column 4 is off to an interesting, if not dis- so callously share his drinking breaking up PA's breakouts astrous, start. Bode Miller, the habits, what's more disturbing is down the ice and keeping play in swashbuckling, beer-guzzling the fact that he is willing to ski its offensive zone. “They had a Great American Hope, is quick- at 70 miles per hour on quadru- much better transition game than ly becoming the next Great ple black diamonds around we did tonight,” commented American Flop, failing to medal gates. Andrew Cox '08 on the play of in both the downhill and the Imagine driving a car on an his opponents. slalom. icy, curvy highway with only Then suddenly, just a half- Figure Skating Idol Michelle pointy sticks and tight spandex minute into the third, Tom Kwan showed up to Torino, and to protect you. Clearly, Bode is Dignard '06 banged a rebound decided that she would rather sit insane. into the open half of the net to and enjoy fine Italian cuisine Miller's strangest trait is his get the crowd and PA back into than skate; she pulled out of her brutal honesty, which is simulta- the game. events. neously refreshing and nauseat- The next shift brought the Overall, the U.S. is currently ing. third line back onto the ice, and in third place with a measly nine While it is quite nice to hear just 20 seconds after the first medals, behind the hated a star athlete admit that he plays goal, Steve Bury '08 broke into a Russians and usually irrelevant professionally for a “pile of two-on-one opportunity and Norwegians. dough,” it was a little discon- snuck a wrister past Cushing's The U.S. doesn't normally certing that he didn't really care goalie to tie the game up quick- rely on vegetables to save the when he was disqualified from ly. day, but in Italy “The Flying an event that he was leading. Matt Ward '06 would contin- Tomato” has been one of the As Miller was busy making R. Rogers/ The Phillipian ue to face pressure as Cushing best stories so far. lots of money (and not any Jason Soule ’06 took first in the hurdles with a time of 6.42 seconds. Led by a strong showing in scored twice more in the next Californian Shaun White medals), Michelle Kwan left her the sprints, Andover beat Exeter. eight minutes, increasing its lead stunned crowds on his way to own special footprint on Torino, back to two goals, before PA had winning snowboarding's by not actually leaving any foot- much of a chance to build on its Halfpipe Gold Medal. Although prints. Captain Hsu ’06 Wins 50M and 300M newfound momentum. he gained his moniker from his She re-injured her groin in Andover's fight did not quit long, flowing red hair, there her first practice in Italy, and however, as Cahill would score were plenty of reasons to mock was forced to abandon her last As Boys Track Defeats Rival Exeter with five minutes to go in the White, most notably the legitimate shot at Olympic Gold. game with a power play goal, sprinters to pick up the slack but Andover dominated Exeter in American Flag bandanna he The breaking point occurred on by Ben Bramhall sliding the puck under the as Captain Hsu put it, “distance the sprints. wore around his face, and his a triple flip, which makes one PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER downed goalie in a scrum, with Andover fought very well,” and came Andover took first and third assists by Smith and Martignetti. matching pinstriped jacket and wonder how she only hurt her 59 away with some unexpected in the hurdles, led by Jason Andover would pull Ward snowpants outfit; he looked like groin. Exeter 45 points. Soule '06 in 6.42. Andover then for the extra attacker with a a cross between Evil Kneival, a Emily Hughes, the sister of The mile saw some drama as repeated that in the 600 with minute remaining down 4-3, and 1950's detective, and Carrot 2002 Gold Medalist/Sleep On Wednesday, Captain Exeter's number one, Bruce Ibric (first, 1:18.98) and Cam Top. Maestro Sarah Hughes, was Greg Hsu '06 performed phe- Hallet, was disqualified for Smith '07 (third, 1:22.27). In the kept the puck in for one good However, what he did on the chosen as her replacement. nomenally to unsportsmanlike conduct, taunt- 50, Andover again took first and rush. field/snow/pipe was nothing The U.S. Men’s Hockey lead Boys ing Andover runners from the third but this time also second, An Andover forward brought the puck in from the boards and short of stunning. In the prelim- team is looking a lot like the BOYS TRACK Track to a 59- front, giving Andover first and sweeping completely with inary round, he pulled off a U.S. Basketball team at Athens 45 upset of second with Kentaro Watari '07 Captain Hsu (5.8), Luinis Tejada got off a shot that was blocked. twisting backflip in a run that two years ago, tying Latvia 3-3 Exeter. Captain Hsu began with (4:43.3) and Eli Howe '09 '08 (5.8), and Soule (5.9). Dignard’s second-effort was described as conservative. in its Olympic opener. a win in the 50 in a time of 5.8 (4:48.3). Captain Hsu then went on to almost found the net, but the If completely turning over at The men gave up a two-goal seconds and then added a sur- The two-mile started with win the 300 in dramatic fashion. Cushing's goalie extended the 20 feet above ground, while lead to a country no one in prise win in the 300, running Dave Wilson '09 battling with He went out fast, leading the glove before the goal line as he spinning and grabbing the board America can find on a map. 35.82. Exeter's Keggi at the front, fol- Exeter runner through the entire fell back to make the game-sav- that is attached to both of your In brighter news, the U.S. Andover did not excel lowed by Watari and another race. He did not relent, and took ing snatch. feet is conservative, then I really Women’s Hockey team enjoys against Exeter in the field Exeter runner. Keggi pushed the first. Soule, coming back from The Purple Penguins went don't want to know what is con- an undefeated record so far in events. However, it was able to pace and Wilson stuck with him third, passed the opponent on on to score an empty-netter with sidered reckless. this Olympics with the help of accumulate enough points in for the majority of the race. the final turn and flew in for four seconds left to cement the While White is quickly 18-year-old Sara Parsons. One certain areas to win. Eventually, Keggi broke away second. Hsu ran a personal best game, leaving Andover with yet becoming his sport's Michael year removed from her Nobles Mario Noyola '06, as to win, but Wilson and Watari time of 35.82, over a half-sec- another bad taste in its mouth Jordan, Bode Miller appears and Greenough career, Parsons always, won in the pole vault, were able to secure second and ond better than his previous after dropping a close contest to destined to be known as skiing's has scored four and assisted on jumping 12'6” and beating his third. best. Cushing. Dennis Rodman. four goals, including one three- nearest opponent by a foot and a Hallet was back for the Though Andover already Though coming back to The brilliant but ever eccen- point game in the team’s 5-0 half. Third place was two and a 1,000 and with him was had the win locked, it added a make the game close, Andover tric Miller attracted attention victory over Germany. She will half feet back. Godfrey, another exceptional relay victory for emphasis. could not overcome the deficit it Joe O'Hern '07 managed to before the games for his refer- attend Dartmouth College next Exeter middle-distance runner. Down by 10-15 yards at the start created for itself in the first two obtain second place points in the ences to skiing drunk. While year. They took first and second but of the last leg, Ibric stormed periods. shot put, throwing 44'4”, just So, a week has passed, and back from injury was Alex back to win by 1.2 seconds Andover goes into the final 8.5” away from the winner. Hugon '07 who fought for third before collapsing onto the track. stretch with two away games the Olympics have not exactly Merzudin Ibric '06 jumped place points. Said Mike Discenza '09, this week, opening tonight at gone as planned for the US. 5'8” in the high jump and 20'2” LUSTER Hugon, who had thought he “There was an explosion as the 6:15 versus Tabor Academy, a C However, whether or not the in the long jump, good enough Stars and Stripes can upend had a stress fracture in his lower gun went off for the last lap. crucial game with playoff impli- for third and second, respective- leg, had not run in over a week. After he won there was a mass those pesky Norwegians, sports cations. On Wednesday, Playoffs Next Week ly. The injury did not turn out to be migration of people to Zoom. It fans everywhere will still be Andover will travel to 7-11-4 When it came to the longer a stress fracture and is healing was an Andover-Exeter able to enjoy a second week of events, Andover knew that NMH, a streaking team fresh off well, with the help of some shoe moment.” a victory over Exeter. Currently, PKN & WQS Cruise Biathlon frenzy. I look forward Exeter's distance runners would inserts. On Sunday Andover will PA is in fourth place in the East by Billy Draper to seeing you at the 12.5 km be formidable competition. The Although Exeter won most travel to Harvard for the USATF playoff race, just barely ahead of PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER Men's Pursuit. team was depending on the of the long distance point, New England Championships. Lawrence and rival Exeter. As much as I hate to say it, the cluster basketball season is end- ing soon. Wrestling Earns Team Title at Northern New England Tournament The play- offs start Monday, Cintron ’08, Paintal ’07, Vazquez ’06, and Worgaftik ’06 Dominate and they CLUSTAH BASKETBALL will be as place finish at 112 lbs, Hector Brian Foye '06, at 160 lbs, five opponents, pinning the ment. PACBL by Sara Wallace Cintron '08 won in the 171 lbs achieved a finish at second same Jason Donovan, four These include Thao Nguyen Commissioner Leon Modeste has PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER division, Victor Vazquez '06 place. At 125 lbs, AJ Charles '08 matches later. '07, Alice Nam '07, Kassie arranged them. PKN and WQS took first at 145 lbs, and Captain obtained a fourth place finish. To achieve his second place Archambault '06, Ben Elder '09, each have a bye in the first round For the first time ever, Worgaftik dominated his oppo- Also getting fourth were finish, Foye won his first two and Randy Garcia '06. because they are the number one Phillips Academy wrestling has nents at 135 lbs. Sam Cartmell '06 at 171 lbs and matches, but lost a very close On Saturday, Andover's and two seeds. Abbot and FLG won the For the third year in a row, Alex Clifford '07 at 189 lbs. and very well-wrestled final grapplers wrestled their way to “B” will duke it out for a trip to Northern Worgaftik claimed the NEIWT Finishing third were Colin Dunn match against a Milton a record of 44-22. the final four, as will WQN and Newcrown, winning first place in his '07 at 130 lbs and Nick Bowen Academy wrestler with a score Battle tested to the extreme, FLG “A.” England weight class once again. '06 at 145 lbs. of 6-5. Big Blue will face Exeter in a FLG “A” versus WQN: This Invitational Requiring a mere 88 seconds, Bowen was particularly The two wrestlers of this dual meet on Wednesday and is WRESTLING will be a close one. It will be a Wrestling Paintal pinned all three of his courageous in his first matches. match-up were arguably the best also preparing for the Class A question-and-answer type game Tournament (NEIWT). opponents to win his second Although he lost his first match in the tournament. League Tournament next between Staff's Mike Sullivan Last Saturday, Andover trav- NEIWT title. to Jason Donovan from Loomis, However, there were a great Saturday, where it will match up '08 and North's Dylan Green '06. eled to Tilton Academy, where Six other placers wrestled he came back with renewed many stars for Andover who did against the top wrestlers in all of The back-court match up comes the team beat fourteen other their way into the top four. strength to decimate his next not pull through in the tourna- New England. down to Sullivan's teammate schools from around New Desmond Bonhomme-Isiah '06 England to claim the team title; vs. WQN's “Dish n' Swish” the first team title Andover has Dave Mauskop '07. North's won since the 1999 Class A sharp-shooting bench (Shawn League Championships. Xu '07, Abhishek Sripad '07) Andover placed first with will make it hard for Staff to 206.5 points, while a strong hold it down, but Staff has the Milton team scored 186.5 points mental coolness to bring this one to take a second place finish. home. Worcester placed third, FLG “B” versus Abbot: This rounding out the top three. is the one to watch, ladies and Andover has placed in the gentlemen. The backcourt top three in this tournament for matchup comes down to Matt the past few years. Fernandez '06 and Andrew In 2005, the team placed Appolonia '06 taking on Abbot's third with four weight class Travis Wright '08 and Ikechi champions: Akshay Paintal '07 Ngwangwa '07, nicknamed The for the 103 lb class, Captain Messiah. The small forward Gabe Worgaftik '06 at 125 lbs, match-up will is Flag's three- Mark Shvartsman '05 at 135, point legend Billy Draper '07 and Oludare Adedokun '05 at against Abbot's Pat Curtin '07, 275. who also enjoys the deep Three other Andover jumpers. Down low, Staff's wrestlers placed in the top four. Charlie Houghton '06 will face Two years ago, the team John Gardner '08. The man, the scored a second place finish, myth, the legend, Steven Bartz with eight placers and three '08, will do his best to keep Da- champions. Chuan King '08 on locks. So I This year's tournament guess “this is going to be one proved even more exciting. hell of a game” would be the Four Andover grapplers main point of this presentation. were champions in their own The cluster finals are set to weight classes, adding to the take place on Thursday, already formidable list of six B. Canaday/ The Phillipian February 23. At this point, it's other placers. Paintal '07 obtained a first Gordon Murphy ’06 manhandles his opponent. Wrestling had an incredible showing at NNEWT, winning first place in four anyone's 'ship. weight classes. THE PHILLIPIAN SPORTS February 17, 2006 11 Snowstorm Aids Nordic; BOYS SQUASH Girls Take Third in Race Seventh Place

by Sara Ho By Coin Toss PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER by Ali Zindman look at each other before PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER Kit Halvorsen '08 poled Interschols next week at speedily through the finish line, Holderness. Over the weekend the Boys Varsity Squash team traveled to leading the The hilly Grafton Ponds New Haven for Andover course was challenging for the the National V arsity team, who still felt the lack of High School Nordic Skiing practice due to warm weather. Championships. Team to a suc- However, the conditions Placing seventh, cessful finish were excellent, with good snow the Big Blue had NORDIC SKIING BOYS SQUASH at the Lakes and sunny weather. a great weekend Region Championship last The course was long, the full of amazing squash. Coach Tom Wednesday at Grafton Ponds, longest yet, consisting of five Cone commented, “this weekend Vermont. loops totaling 6km. was great, we did very well, better The race was the last big one The Girls team was led by than I had expected. Everyone before the Interscholastic com- Arielle Filiberti '07, who played competitive and intelligent petition next week, and all showed great endurance and squash.” schools in the league competed physical strength on the course, The Big Blue played Delbarton head to head. finishing in 6th overall. in the first round, easily defeating The competition was fierce During the race, however, them 5-2. Next, PAhad to play one and the results saw the Andover Filiberti was unfairly knocked of the toughest teams in the coun- Girls team finishing third over- over by a Holderness athlete, try, Brunswick; it is a team known all, and the Boys team finishing affecting her overall results. for its depth, and it lived up to its sixth. A strong pack of Andover reputation. It swept Andover 7-0, B. Canaday/ The Phillipian Sunday's snowstorm came as girls closely followed her. but with some close matches. Captain Dan Wagman '06 lost to great news for the Nordic team, Morgan Broccoli '07 finished Lucretia Witte ’06 hits out of the back corner during Saturday’s match against Deerfield. Witte lost her match in five games. his opponent at the number two as the skiers were finally able to second for Andover in 10th spot after drawing the match out get in some good practice time. place overall, followed closely five games. Coming back from the long in 11th by Berol Dewdney '09, Girls Squash takes Consecutive Losses; The Big Blue quickly bounced weekend, Tuesday's practice the shining new star for the back from the loss to crush saw the team working on hills in team. Shadyside Academy 7-0. During the Sanctuary for the first time Abby King '07 trailed Powerhouse Groton Blanks Andover this match everyone drove the ball this season. Dewdney, finishing 12th, and hard and deep, keeping their oppo- The hill practice was incred- Sarah Dewey '07 finished in by Matt Schubert number three and lost 9-0, 9-1, 9- made a fierce comeback and nents moving. In perhaps the ibly rewarding for the team, 13th overall. PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER 0. evened the match with two con- sweetest victory of the tournament which usually practices on the Co-Captain Anna Ho '06 Contrasting with these clear- secutive 9-1 victories. Her oppo- Andover defeated Choate 4-3. PA Deerfield 5 cut upper lineup outcomes, the nent persisted, however, and flat fields of Siberia. rounded out the Andover ath- was determined to win after losing Andover 2 bottom four matches were highly Witte lost 10-8 in the fifth game. Though the snow was a little letes. twice 4-3 to Choate. This win was competitive. The matches hinged At number five, Lydia Smith great for the Big Blue as it showed sticky, it was still better than the Dewdney said of the Girls Groton 7 on narrow Deerfield victories, '09 started strong. She battled her off-snow conditioning the team race, “It was a really fun race, Andover 0 how much they had improved indi- and its win was by no means con- way through the first two games vidually and collectively over the has been limited to these past and the snow conditions were summate. but lost them both 10-8. Perhaps few weeks. really good. We had a strong Carolyn Brown '09 came course of the season. Coach Cone “Despite the score, the match worn out, she went down 9-2 in said, “We displayed superior skill Said Halvorsen of the group of girls finishing tenth within one point of victory could have gone either way. We the third and took the 3-0 loss. and a higher level of fitness.” Sanctuary practice, “Our prac- through thirteenth, and that against played well and everyone gave a At the fourth position, Brown With the blizzard approaching, tice in the sanctuary was very showed in our third place fin- Deerfield strong effort,” said Captain had the closest match of the day. Belmont Hill defaulted. This was beneficial. It allowed us to prac- ish.” Academy on Zindman. She won the first game 9-5, but disappointing as Andover was tice our step turns, and to get Halvorsen led the boy's Saturday, but Stephanie Marton '07, play- her resilient opponent countered looking to avenge their 4-3 loss of failed to nail hills back into our system. At team, improving astronomically ing at number seven, pulled out a with a 10-9 win in the second and the previous week. However, this the start [of the race] we were in his best race of the season. GIRLS SQUASH down the final four game win. Recently having a 10-8 win in the third. Down 2- situation proved beneficial to able to jump right in and tackle Co-Captain Jim Elder '07 game. She ulti- moved down the ladder from 1, Brown shifted the momentum Andover because it gave them the uphills.” followed, feeling a bit under the mately lost in a hard-fought, five- number six, she faced a some- and grabbed the fourth game 9-7. much needed rest. It was the second time the weather. game match that characterized what weaker opponent than she The fifth game again went deep. Unfortunately in the next round team had raced at Grafton Dave Holliday '08 finished her team's 5-2 loss. On might have been used to. This, At 9-9, Brown had the winning Andover lost to a tough Taft team Ponds, the other race being a third for Andover, showing a Wednesday, Groton trounced however, is not to simplify her shot on her racquet but barely 6-1. At the number two spot skate and classic dual classic- strong recovery from last week. Andover 7-0 on the road. effort, which pulled her through missed. Her opponent assumed Captain Wagman was the only skate race two weeks ago. Walker Washburn '08, one of Captain Ali Zindman '07 the tight contest. the serve and went on to win 10- player to win, easily defeating his The team had come to know the newest members of the team, started Saturday's match on a This win leveled the score at 9. opponent 9-3, 9-5, 9-2. the track then, and this experi- again showed great improve- high note as number one, cruising two, leaving positions four “The match [against Finally in the most exciting to a dominant three game victory. ence proved useful in the clas- ment, and rounded out the Boys through six to determine the out- Deerfield] ended up being decid- match of the tournament, the play- Executing her shots with authori- sic-style race. team. come. ed by one inch and a few points,” off for the seventh and eighth ty, she allowed only two points in Lucretia Witte '06 was in an said Coach Tom Hodgson. places, Andover faced Groton. At Andover, Holderness, NMH, Next week, both the Girls her 9-1, 9-1, 9-0 win. St. Paul's School, Kimball and Boys squads will travel to opposite situation to that of Andover's fortune did not the beginning of the season Diana Willson '07 was less Marton, having just moved up to improve Wednesday in its visit to Union Academy, Proctor the New England Prep School Andover had lost to Groton 6-1. successful at the second position. number six. Usually able to over- powerhouse Groton. Andover Academy, Vermont Academy Athletic Conference However, with both teams bruised Her match was also decided in power opponents at number lost 7-0 and was swept 3-0 at and battered from a hard weekend and Putney competed in the Championships for both individ- straight games, but her Deerfield seven, Witte encountered a chal- every position. The Groton squad boy’s and girl's races, both two ual races and team relays. If the of squash, both coaches decided to opponent came out on top 9-6, 9- lenge at the higher spot. She got was seasoned and talented flip a coin for the winner. This was extreme nail-biters. last race was any indication, 2, 9-0. Pawina Jiramongkolchai off to a slow start, losing the first throughout its lineup and took the first time such an occurrence All the teams got a good Andover will do well. '06 was equally overmatched at two games 9-5 and 9-4. But she advantage of Andover's relative had happened at the tournament, inexperience. and it drew a large crowd. Andover Zindman and Brown had the was able to pull off a 4-3 victory Girls Hockey Struggles Through Tough 0-2 Week; most competitive matches, play- and take seventh out of thirty-two ing numbers one and four respec- teams. tively. Though losing in three Coach Cone said, “This week- games, both took their opponents end was incredible; we showed real Shea ’07 Scores Only Andover Goal of the Week to 10-8 in individual games. resilience and ability.” by Janet Scognamiglio week was particularly disap- as the opponents crashed the net mean, we're a really talented Girls Squash prepares to face After a great weekend Andover PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER pointing because Andover aggressively. team this year.” Spirits were Brooks, Middlesex and rival traveled to St. Georges to easily should have beaten Brewster With a little less than five particularly high since Nobles Exeter this coming week. Then win 6-1. Sam Gould '07 could not Brewster 3 and certainly could have beaten minutes remaining in the game, star player, Sarah Parsons, grad- the season will close with the find his rhythm losing 3-0, but the Andover 0 Nobles. the Big Blue called a timeout to uated last year. Interestingly interscholastic championships. other players each won their On Friday, the Big Blue lost strategize on how to salvage a enough, she is now representing matches in three easy games. Nobles 4 3-0 to Division II-leading win. The team remembered the the United States in Torino as a Andover 1 Brewster Academy. Brewster's two goals it scored within six member of the Women's Hockey short, crisp passes, speed, and seconds of each other at Tabor team. Meg Shea '07 scored the forechecking were crucial in its and to play as a unit. Even with the loss of only goal of the week for the win. Brewster scored twice in Unfortunately, Andover could Olympic caliber players such as ATHLETIC Andover Girls the first period, with one of the not mount a comeback and lost Parsons, Nobles controlled the Hockey team goals coming on a Brewster 3-0. game from the start and went on as the girls breakaway. On Wednesday, Andover to win 4-1. Shea scored in the lost twice, 3-0 In the second period, faced off against the Nobles and third period, on a flawless deke to Brewster Brewster scored its third goal Greenough School, aiming to on the goalie, slipping the puck SLATE Academy on off a tip of a choppy shot on the avenge last year's 7-1 loss. into the right corner of the net. GIRLS HOCKEY Friday and 4-1 ice that was redirected towards Defensemen Stephanie Clegg Nobles strength resided in to the Nobles the goal. Goalie Alissa Fromkin '08 commented, “We definitely its speed, stick control, and and Greenough School. The '09 played a respectable game, thought we had a chance, I cycling of the puck in its offen- TODAY sive zone. In the first period, it scored two goals, none of them BOYS BASKETBALL VS. NMH, 6:00 resulting from clean, sophisti- GIRLS BASKETBALL @ NMH, 6:45 cated plays. The first goal came after Clegg poked the puck BOYS HOCKEY @ TABOR, 6:15 away from a Nobles girl, but she GIRLS HOCKEY VS. MILTON, 5:00 still managed a weak pass to a GIRLS SQUASH @ BROOKS WITH MIDDLESEX, 4:30 teammate positioned in front of the goal, who proceeded to find WRESTLING @ INTERSCHOLASTICS, 6:00Z the back of the net. The second goal went in after the puck bounced off of Goalie Ansley TOMORROW Lahue's '06 stick and into the goal. BOYS SWIMMING @ WILLISTON WITH CSH, 2:15 Nobles' third goal was scored in an embarrassing sce- GIRLS SWIMMING @ WILLISTON WITH CSH, 2:15 nario for the Big Blue. Andover WRESTLING @ INTERSCHOLASTICS, 10:00 was on a powerplay and con- trolled the puck in its offensive zone, when the puck glided over SUNDAY the blue line and a Nobles play- er scooped it up and scored on a BOYS TRACK @ USATF-NE CHAMPIONSHIPS, 12:00 breakaway. GIRLS TRACK @ USATF-NE CHAMPIONSHIPS, 12:00 It is possible that had Andover not committed so many careless errors, the game may have been salvaged. WEDNESDAY Twice, an Andover player passed the puck down the mid- BOYS BASKETBALL VS. DEERFIELD, 4:00 dle of the ice in the Big Blue BOYS HOCKEY @ NMH, 3:30 defensive zone, leaving Nobles with a clear shot to the goal. GIRLS HOCKEY @ HOLDERNESS, 4:30 Clegg was penalized for check- NORDIC @ NEPSAC CHAMPIONSHIPS, 10:00 ing and Co-Captain Julie Wadland '06 took a penalty for BOYS SQUASH VS. EXETER, 2:30 hooking. GIRLS SQUASH @ EXETER, 2:45 The team needs to rebound BOYS SWIMMING @ EXETER, 3:30 against Milton Academy on K. Matsumoto/ The Phillipian GIRLSS SWIMMING @ EXETER, 3:30 Co-Captain Melissa Tetreau ’06 shields the puck from a Tabor opponent. Girls Hockey lost Friday in order to keep its play- both its games this week. off hopes alive. CMYK

Volume CXXIX, Number 3 Phillips Academy, Andover, Massachusetts February 17, 2006 MLB Spring Training Nears; Big Stories to Watch For by Abhishek Sripad PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER with the Mets, Pedro arrived at It's time. the training facility early. As the football world picks Will the Martinez-Mets love up the remnants of a boring Pro endure beyond into a second sea- Bowl, and an even less interest- son of existence? Or will ing Super Bowl, America's great Martinez show his true colors tradition is set to captivate the and show up late? Nothing can country for the next seven spice Spring Training more than months. a soap opera. Major League Baseball How about Barry Bonds? teams are beginning to pepper With stricter regulations on parts of Arizona and Florida. The steroid use in Major League novelty and excitement of Baseball, how much smaller will Spring Training 2006 will last Barry Bonds' head be on the first approximately three weeks, by day of Spring Training? which time each team will have Last season, Bonds virtually played two or three games. remained in seclusion, avoiding Many argue that Spring all forms of media, even ESPN's Training is too long and monoto- designated Barry Reporter, nous, and this pre-season will Pedro Gomez. Will Bonds undoubtedly lull baseball fans to explode at the media, in the sleep, who will wake up only to midst of the steroid scandal and be re-awakened by the national the pursuit of Hank Aaron's anthem on Opening Day. home run record? K. Matsumoto/ The Phillipian Although it may be impossible Bonds will play his familiar Alyse Kennedy ’06 won the High Jump competition with a jump of four feet ten inches. Girls Track squeaked by Exeter by win- to stay interested in MLB's pre- role: Spring Training Bad-Guy. ning the 4x400 relay. season, here are a few stories Roger Clemens will also be that might provide humor, enter- in the limelight this spring as he tainment, and possibly some pithes in the World Baseball Girls 4x400 Relay Wins Deciding Event for Track; baseball intrigue. Classic. He has decided to pitch Nomar’s in Los Angeles (at in the Classic and then decide first base). In his final days with whether or not to retire based on the Red Sox, fans and media his performance. Injured Team Upsets Exeter In Dramatic Fashion speculated that Nomar was If he chooses to continue by Ella Kidron to compete. On the amazing Carolyn Pollard '07 had out- Pollard, Harris, Kennedy and unhappy in Boston and wanted playing, Clemens will be field- PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER team performance, she com- standing performances as well. Hannah Comeau '06 brought to play in a low-pressure city, ing offers from the Houston mented, “People were getting Pollard placed third in the 50- home the victory. Comeau com- like Los Angeles. Astros, the Red Sox and the personal bests all over the yard dash, following Hill with a mented, “We have a lot of poten- “Exhilarating.” This was the A few years ago, Nomar, the Yankees. place.” Captain Schnure also time of 6.6 seconds. Hill came in tial as a team, and I think that the face of the Red Sox, was playing The World Baseball Classic, first word that came to mind for added, “We haven't had meets first in 6.45 seconds. Pollard coming meets are going to go Simone Hill '08 the most important position on the unofficial world cup of base- for a month, so we've just been also placed first in the 300 with really well for us.” This and the field. ball, will distract fans from the when asked training really hard which really a spectacular time of 41.5 sec- every other victory this season about this Now, Nomar will experience monotony of Spring Training. IRLS RACK paid off. Even though the odds onds and won the hurdles. has been a combination of G T growing pains at first base; but In fact, the timing of the Wednesday's were against us going into the Alyse Kennedy '06 had an extreme effort and team spirit. hopefully he can salvage an Classic is perfectly situated in meet. In a home meet against meet, everything came togeth- outstanding performance in the The short season will come to a injury-free, respectable season. the heart of Spring Training, pro- archrivals, Exeter, the Andover er.” high jump, jumping 4'10” to close with the New England Girls Varsity Track team found Andover went into the meet place first. She said, “We were Championships and an There is also Pedro's arrival viding baseball fans with the itself in a familiar position. Just unsure of the outcome, but, due basically tied the whole time Invitational Meet at Harvard. to consider. While with the Red opportunity to see the world's like the meet against Andover to some outstanding perform- which can be stressful, but The Exeter meet concludes the Sox, the future Hall of Fame best players play in meaningful High School, this meet came ances by newcomers and return- everyone was able to overcome dual meets for the term, and pitcher never showed up to games. down to the 4 x 400 relay. ers alike, Andover was victori- the stress.” many of the girls are already Spring Training on time, routine- Maybe Spring Training won't Before the relay, the team was ous. Kit Harris '07 commented Michelle Nguyen '07 gave an looking forward to spring track. ly citing a family reunion or his be so uneventful for baseball down by one, but, working well on the team's dramatic victory impressive jump, placing second father's birthday. In his first year fans after all. under pressure; the Andover saying, “Going in, [beating at 4'8”. An ecstatic Nguyen com- girls came out on top. Although Exeter] was a long shot and mented, “This meet was defi- the team lost a few runners to nobody thought it was possible, nitely the highlight of the sea- injuries, those who were healthy but everyone on the team son. Even though we have been produced some spectacular per- stepped up to make it happen”. undefeated all season, beating formances. In the cage, littered Harris had a notable perform- Exeter tops everything we've with blue and red uniforms, par- ance in the 600-yard race and the done so far this season. The meet ents, teachers, and students hurdles, as well as the 4 x 400. was really close, but we pulled cheered the track team on to vic- Following Harris, Colleen through and I'm really proud of tory. Thurman '07 had a strong per- everyone.” Unfortunately Captain Marty formance in the long jump, In the final and deciding Schnure '06 was one of the jumping a hefty 16 feet. event of the meet, a team of injured athletes and was unable Girls Basketball Dominates BB&N; Beattie ’07 Controls Offensive Paint by Lauren Jackson Beattie’s efforts, dominated continued to increase its lead, but PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER BB&N 61-51 on Wednesday . Andover made plays to stay in the On Wednesday, Andover faced game. Kristen Macdonald '07 and Suffield 55 a formidable Suffield team and Sarah Thomas '06 made strong Andover 43 was forccd to play its best game to rebounds and Beattie and Captain win. The game started off evenly, Jackie Price '06 scored to keep up Andover 61 but a few minutes into the first with Suffield. BB&N 51 half, Suffield took a 21-10 lead. With less than three minutes Andover quickly retaliated with an left in the game, Andover trailed Sarah Beattie '07 had a phe- 8-0 run to close the deficit. Beattie 54-33. Emily Zinsmeister '09 nomenal week as the Andover capitalized on scoring opportuni- scored off a pass from Price, and Girls Varsity ties, displaying aggressive moves followed her basket with a great Basketball team to the basket and stealing Suffield defensive steal. Kara Hollis '07 lost to Suffield passes. In the last three minutes of played great defense all game, fin- Academy 55-43 the half, Suffield scored eight ishing with six steals, a couple of straight points to go into halftime which came in the final minutes. on Friday but B. Canaday/ The Phillipian rebounded, and with a 29-18 lead. Andover finished the game on a GIRLS Captain J.P. Martignetti ’06 moves in to score the game winning goal against Governor BASKETBALL thanks to In the second half, Suffield 10-1 run but still lost by 12, 55-43. Beattie led the team with 16 Dummer Academy. Boys Hockey split its two games this week. points and six rebounds. Macdonald scored nine, Captain Price scored six, Thomas scored Boys Hockey has a Mediocre Week; four, Hailee Minor '08 and Hollis each scored three, and Zinsmeister scored two. Playoff Hopes are Now in Question Andover avenged its Suffield by Chris George started slowly, tied it up, but let more opportunities in the third, loss with a huge win over BB&N. PHILLIPIAN SPORTS WRITER the game go again, eventually and the Captain would score the The Big Blue dominated the first losing 5-3 to a strong Purple eventual game-winner three half. Claire Fox '06 had a great Andover 4 Penguins team. minutes into the period, game and helped Andover break GDA 3 through BB&N's full court press Andover opened play with Martignetti raced from his own with strong passes. Cushing 5 GDA strongly, taking only one blue-line, one-on-one with the In the final minutes of the first Andover 3 penalty and outshooting the vis- GDA defender, shielded the half, BB&N started to creep its itors by a 13-5 margin, but two puck until faking the goalie, and way back into the game, but breakaway GDA goals put went 5-hole for the tremendous Captain J.P Martignetti '06 Captain Price slowed their run Andover in a 2-0 bind going into individual effort, and his second with two steals and a three-pointer. and linemate Chris Cahill '06 the first intermission. With a bit goal of the game. At the break, Andover led 25-19. led Andover of puck luck on its side, PA kept GDA off the board Andover continued to display with two goals Andover refocused and came to secure its fourteenth win of aggressive offense in the second apiece this out firing in the second, and the season, earning a hard- half, with several drives to the bas- week, while quickly its efforts turned into fought battle as controversial ket. Beattie excelled in the second Joe Smith '07 results, as a J.J. McGregor '08 goals on other occasions favor- half, taking the ball to the hoop kicked in with BOYS HOCKEY backhand goal and a Martignetti ing GDA did not stop PA. A and scoring repeatedly. four assists as wrist shot went top shelf to tie frightening collision that ended Andover maintained its lead PA faced a pair of tough com- the game after only two minutes the night of Paul Scola '06 did with great defense from Kelly Fox petitors and came out with '08 and Minor and stayed comfort- passed in the period. not slow down the Big Blue mixed results. With Andover on the penalty either. ably ahead en route to the 61-51 The Big Blue hosted victory. Macdonald led the team kill and the second period com- Scola was back in action for Governor Dummer Academy (9- ing to a close, GDA landed a Wednesday as he and his team- with an outstanding 17 points, fol- 9-1) for a Friday night game lowed by Beattie with 15, Captain punch to the gut on a controver- mates met Cushing for a battle Price with eight, Claire Fox with before the long weekend -- a sial goal with two minutes of the fifth- and sixth-ranked seven, Minor and Thomas with game in which PA had to come remaining, but Cahill would teams in New England, and PA six, and Kelly Fox with two. In back from behind twice, but answer at 30 seconds left with a would again fall behind 2-0 this week's games, ten Andover came away with the 4-3 win. top shelf wrist snipe to tie it through two periods of play. R. Rogers/ The Phillipian players scored, reflecting the Big Wednesday brought sixth- again and end the period. Cushing was especially deft at Kara Hollis ’07 recorded six steals in Girls Basketball’s loss to Blue's ability to receive contribu- ranked Cushing (16-4-3) to The home team's hustle and Suffield Academy. tions from the whole team. Harrison Rink, where Andover work around the boards led to Continued on Page 10, Column 6