0 Holidays Across the Divide: Interfaith Families Light CD Candles Against the Dark his issue of Dovetail was For Dovetail—not only the board CD planned as a lighthearted set but you, our members and support• Tof reminiscences from adult ers—there is also some reason for children of interfaith families look• quiet pride and hope. We are playing ing back on their childhood holidays. some small part in furthering the Then September 11 cause of interfaith under• took the lightness standing and the love that from all our hearts. crosses parochial boundaries. Still, as I write this Some of the stories in this on the eve of Yom issue of the journal celebrate Kippur, my heart moments when those 0 yearns for the boundaries were crossed. warmth and joy, Take joy in those moments, however tempered i and please continue to stand with sadness, of the k behind and beside us; we coming holidays, need your help more than from the harvest home of Sukkot and ever in working to bridge the gaps CD Thanksgiving to the hope and light that divide the children of God. p of and Christmas. I think it is not inappropriate to share some happy memories as we prepare our• CD selves to produce new ones for the years to come. In This Issue Yet there is a somber side to our hohday histories, as well. Hanukkah Conference for celebrates a religious reform that Counselors 2 involved sometimes brutal force on Rites and Rights 3 the part of the Maccabean reform• ers—people we'd certainly call ex• The Holiday Season tremist fanatics today—countered by Sparkles 4 the crudest repression from Rome, Over the River and then the world's greatest superpower. Across the Highway 5 On the Christian side, we would do Christmukkah 7 well to recall why it is that Osama Holiday Symbols 8 bin Laden uses the word "Crusader" as an epithet of contempt and hatred. The Buddhist, Jewish, God knows, Christianity has much to Christmas Tree 9 answer for historically when it comes One Step Forward, Two to oppression and religious enmity. Steps Back (Review) 10 As does Islam: the crescent moon Advertising Lesson 11 emblem* is a traditional reminder Composed on a of the thwarted political hopes of the old Muslim hegemony, often pur• Braided Base 12 sued with steel and fire. Perhaps the The Midwife's Song Muslim observance of repentance (Review) 13 and reflection in Ramadan is most appropriate for all of us this season. National Conference 15 *see p. 8 Volume 10, Number 2 November/December 2001 Dovetail

Authority, Power, and Leadership * Prices include room and board; amounts may change slightly. To Related to Religious Identity: receive a detailed brochure, call 800-530-1596. An Interfaith Conference Cosponsors, The Dovetail Institute tion of resources, and which may communities. This conference will and the New York Center of prevent cooperation with groups provide tools that will help them lead The A. K. Rice Institute that differ in religious culture. contentious groups m,ore effectively. For clergy, lay leaders, community activists, therapists, and other Through learning about group The conference focus will be on power, authority, group formation professionals processes such as spHtting, projec• tion, scapegoating, and the uses and and intergroup functioning, in the February 18-21,2002 abuses of power and authority, context of Religious Identity. Staff Stonypoint, NY religious and mental health profes• will be drawn from AKRI members $575-$725* sionals can increase their under• experienced in group relations work. Director: standing of the irrational forces The A. K. Rice Institute was estab• Rene J. Molenkamp, Ph.D., M.Div. that impede their efforts. lished in 1970 as a nonprofit educa• This will be an experiential confer• , priests, and ministers must tional institution. Organized through ence in the Group Relations tradi• be aware of issues facing interfaith eight regional centers in the United tion. Participants will learn about families, examine their own preju• States, its mission is to advance the the formation of group identity and dices, and improve their "cultural understanding of covert processes the unconscious emotional freight competence." Therapists can affecting leadership and authority in we attach to our sense of collective improve their effectiveness through groups and organizations. Using the "belongingness" and membership. greater understanding of the Tavistock group relations tradition pressures these families face both of open systems and psychodynamic Current events show all too clearly internally and in their communities. theories, the A. K. Rice Institute the urgent need for increasing our Both clergy and lay community offers group relations conferences, understanding of social identity and leaders must better communicate training programs, professional religious community. with other religious groups to meetings, and publications in order accomplish community goals with to study and apply concepts of role, Religious groups must learn to shrinking resources, to lobby task, and boundaries to further identify their own irrational pro• effectively, to further their own understanding of authority, leader• cesses, which may lead to abuses of visions for loving and peaceful ship, and organizational effectiveness. authority and to ineffective mobiliza-

Dovetail's mission is to provide a channel Dovetail (ISSN 1062-7359) is published of communication for interfaith couples, their bimonthly (6 times per year) by: The Dovetail DovetaJI's Staff parents, and their children. No matter what Institute for Interfaith Family Resources, their specific choices regarding faith for their 775 Simon Greenwell Ln., Boston, KY 40107; home and children, the more interfaith tel 800-530-1596; fax 502-549-3543; families can share their ideas, experiences, Email [email protected]. Mary Heiene Rosenbaum resources, and support, the more they can Editor make peace in their homes and communities. A one-year subscription is available for Jewish and Christian perspectives can dovetail. $29.95 from the above address. International subscriptions are $35.00. Single issues are Believing that there are no definitive answers to Dr. Silvine Farnell available for $4,50 each. (.Michigan residents the questions facing interfaith families, Dovetail please add 6% sales tax on back issue orders.) Associate Editor strives to be open to all ideas and opinions. Editorial content attempts to balance and respect Dovetail welcomes article submissions the perspectives of both Jewish and Christian (query or completed manuscript), letters Joan C. Hawxhurst, M.A. partners in interfaith marriages, as well to the editor, and comments or suggestions. as the diverse perspectives of parents and Send to M. H. Rosenbaum, Editor, at the Founding Editor children of interfaith couples. Inclusion above address. in Dovetail does not imply endorsement. Dovetail accepts a thoughtful and constructive Copyright ® 2001 by William D. Rosenbaum discussion of all related issues in the Letters to The Dovetail Institute for Design Consultant the Editor section, and reserves the right to reply. Interfaith Family Resources. All rights reserved.

November/December 2001 page 2 Rites and Rights by Donna Schaper

he moments of most tension a superb compromise, in my own Rev. Donna Schaper is an for interfaith families are the view. The children's good night intermarried United Church of Tritual moments. We try to do prayers are more conversation than them "right" but can't. Thus we prayer. Christ minister in Coral Gables, double up, compromise, trade, Florida. Her most recent book People send our interfaith family borrow, and create from whole cloth /s Raising Interfaith Children: what is tattered and ancient. We do a lot of sensitive "happy holidays" Spiritual Orphans or Spiritual rites instead of right. Baptisms, brits, cards—but we'd prefer the Hanuk• marriages, confirmations or bar/bat kah lights on their day and the Heirs? (NY: Crossroad, 1999). Christmas Christ on the 25th mitzvahs (my friend irreverently calls "straight up." As an interfaith family, ours "barmations" or "Mitzvirma- we believe in both blend and basic— tions"), burials: each of these normal not either but both—and our poor moments in life becomes an occasion teenagers know it. We want stew, not for tension among us. melting pot. Others want something As our hybrid seeds begin to grow, different—and that is their choice. we learn more about what these kernels within fruits are. There are In our family, the menorah does get strong fears of separation from our placed very close to the Christmas roots, there are ridiculous competi• tree. We even have uncomfortable tions (like which gets the bigger gift pictures of both together. The reason budget, Christmas or Hanukkah), is less theological than practical. The and there is simple ignorance of each one season blends into the other, and other's patterns. Interfaith families both symbols are pretty to us. Little need to combine all their rites and children cavort in front of them and rituals with a lot more conversation we snap photos. While it is impor• than others—and this conversation tant to reflect on why and how these can be tedious. And it can be won• December connections happen, it is derful. We "political liturgists" know. more important to let them be gifts Author/educator activist Parker from God. "Lighten up" is an Palmer says he became a contempla• important message for those of us tive by catastrophe. We understand. who think too much about getting rites right! The Rites Sometimes we blend. And sometimes The little rituals tell more than the we don't. The menorah and the tree big ones like marriage and children's may both be in our living room rites of passage. We celebrate a very simultaneously, but that doesn't simple Sabbath on Friday nights, mean we are combining them. with two prayers, a few candles, Hanukkah does not compare well to Is religious truth so and a blessing for the children. That Christmas; one is a minor festival in absolute that only one moment when we exhale the week its own faith and the other a major has often been one of exquisite festival, and it is unfortunate that God and one faith dare be difficulty for us—mostly because they get combined as equals (par• observed? I think not. Nor the dinner is often late, the children ticularly since the meaning of the are often grumpy, and in my humble Hanukkah observance is to resist does God speak only in liturgical opinion, the service is too Hellenization, or "mixing"). For the long. Our nightly prayer is one with Jew, Hanukkah is not a comparable Jewish or Christian terms. hands, not with words at all, which is season in size or import to Christ- God also speaks Muslim.

November/December 2001 page 3 Dovetail

mas. It is as though a minor Chris• Nor does God speak only in Jewish Dovetail's Editorial tian festival like All Saints' Day were or Christian terms. God also speaks Advisory Board paired with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Muslim. The sooner we move Kippur. beyond simplistic "right" answer Dr. Arthur Blecher approaches to God into humbly Licensed Professional Counselor, The Rights accessing the God beyond God, the Washington, D.C. And then there's the really big better. Thus, we have our way of Nancy Nutting Cohen question: How can one affirm both being interfaith and others have their Founding Member, Twin Cities Interfaith and affirm them at different times in way, and so long as God is respected, Support Group, Minneapolis, Mn. different ways? Isn't religious truth so we respect the ways people develop Dr. Eugene Fisher absolute that only one God and one of respecting God. ^ Director of Catholic-Jewish Relations, faith dare be observed? I think not. National Conference of Catholic Bishops' Secretariat for Ecumenical and Inter- religious Affairs and a member of the International Vatican-Iewish Liaison Committee, Washington, D.C. The Holiday

Rev. Betty Gamble Season Sparkles Associate General Secretary, United Methodist by Sarah Ahmann Saviet General Commission on Christian Unity & Interrehgious Concerns The holiday season sparkles. Sarah Saviet wrote this poem Rabbi Julie Greenberg The lights on the green branches Director, Jewish Renewal Life as a holiday present for her dad and the nine colorful candles Center in Philadelphia, Pa. several years ago. She is now a twinkle like stars in the sky. Joan C. Hawxhurst Under the tree, 12-year-old homeschooler She Founding editor of Dovetail, president of considers herself half-Jewish/ Dovetail Publishing, Inc., author of Bubbe a multitude of rainbow colored and Gram: My Two Grandmothers presents sit in waiting to be opened. half-Christian. She went to On a table, a heap of golden gelt lies Rev. Julie Parker church for many years and Old Testament Studies, Yale Divinity School, shimmering next to a wooden is now studying Torah. She New Haven, Ct. dreidle. Voices sing "Silent night, holy night." celebrates Hanukkah and Rev. John Wade Payne Co-Author of Happily Intermarried: A childish voice calls out "Gimel, I Christmas and many other Authoritative Advice for a Joyous Jewish- won!" holidays. Christian Marriage The holiday season glistens with joy Rev. Bernard Pietrzak and love! Roman Catholic counselor to interfaith couples in the Chicago area, based at St. Raymond Church, Mt. Prospect, 111.

Dr. Stanley Ned Rosenbaum Adjunct Professor, Louisville Presbyterian Seminary and Univ. of Ky; Co-Author of In Memoriam Celebrating Our Differences: Living Two Dovetail and the interfaith community have lost another old friend Faiths in One Marriage and a pioneer among rabbis who officiate at intermarriages. Rabbi Oscar A. Rosenbloom Roy Rosenberg. Co-author of Happily Intermarried: Autlioritative Founding Member and Cantor of the Advice for a Joyous Jewish-Christian Marriage (NY: MacMillan, Interfaith Community of Palo Alto, Ca. 1988), Rabbi Rosenberg was on Dovetail's original editorial advisory board. Our condolences to his family and to the congregation he

Membership on Dovetail's Editorial Advisory Board does helped found, the Temple of Universal Judaism/Daat Elohim in not necessarily imply endorsement of the articles and opinions expressed herein. New York (www.tuj.org).

November/December 2001 page 4 Over the River and Across the Highway by Meredith iViorgenstern

t was tradition in my father's During the holidays in 1986, when Meredith Morgenstern, a member family that every first night of I was 10 years old, the 836 proved of the International Women's Hanukkah my grandparents to be more than just a dividing line I Writing Guild, was born and raised would have a huge dinner at their between The Family Where No One house for the lighting of the meno• Understood and The Family in Miami, Florida. She now makes rah: varnishkes (buckwheat Where We Couldn't Admit That We her living as a free-lance article, groats with bowtie ), matzoh Ate Pork. My mother's sister Marga• short story, and sometime- ball soup, , and, of course, ret, having just returned home from screenplay writer in Brooklyn, New (potato pancakes). My a business trip somewhere up north, grandmother, may God rest her soul, had come down with a miserable flu York. Her first Internet short story, made the crispiest, most mouth• bug three days before Christmas. "Rites of Death," was recently watering latkes a kid could hope for, Dinner that year was up in the published on morbidoutlook.com, from scratch of course. After dinner air. Would it happen? Would Aunt and her personal essay, "Car came the game, which my Margaret be better by Christmas Eve? brother, my cousins, and I elevated Should we just cancel the dinner and Seats," has been chosen to be to new heights of competitiveness make ham sandwiches at home? included in an upcoming anthology involving eye-bulging amounts of of mother-daughter stories. Her chocolate Hanukkah gelt. To be on the safe side, my grand• mother postponed the big ham and mother, who went to Catholic My mother's family's Christmas tsimmis dinner until the 26th. She school for twelve years, converted figured the traffic would be easier traditions were similar: the menu to Judaism in her late teens when included tsimmis (stewed carrots), to handle the day after Christmas, she met Meredith's Jewish father baked ham, and more pirogies than anyway. The problem for my family you could shake a stick at, instead was, though, that the first night of Although she and her brother were of the kosher meal at dad's family. Hanukkah fell that year on—wait for raised Jewish, their mother kept it—Friday, December 26th. What to Instead of playing dreidel we strung many of her Catholic traditions, popcorn to hang on the gigantic do? My parents had a solution, and such as Christmas trees and Easter Christmas tree, holding contests even now I have asthma attacks just to see who could resist eating the remembering it. egg hunts. Meredith can be popcorn the longest. Instead of reached at We drove up the 836 first, to light the Hanukkah gelt we gorged ourselves Hanukkah candles then have brisket, [email protected]. on candy canes. Either way, my kasha, and latkes. We left dinner brother and I were always well fed early, my father explaining that he at the holidays. wanted to beat the Friday night Crossing the Highway traffic home. My brother and I were excited for our Christmas dinner at Growing up in a large suburb just last, but we also hated missing the south of Miami meant that my dreidel game. Two of our cousins had family and I had to take State Road defeated us out of three sacks of gelt 836 into the city proper. From there the year before, and we had been out we'd either keep to the right and end for some serious revenge. Neverthe• up on the 874 to get to my mother's less, chucking the Hanukkah presents Catholic family, or keep to the left from aunts, uncles, and grandparents and end up on the 826 to get to my into the trunk of the car—more than I always thought of father's Jewish family. I always once accompanied by the sound of the 836 as the Road thought of the 836 as the Road breaking glass—we sped off to the That Divided My Family. 836. We nearly collided with about That Divided My Family.

November/December 2001 page 5 ^Dovetail

ten Mack trucks as we crossed five I was glad that I had already seen lanes of traffic in under a mile on my cousins in their Nativity play, Why We Support a Friday night in Miami. because the thought of forcing my Dovetail poor bloated stomach to endure Cars honked, tires screeched, people those unforgiving hard wooden Two years ago we had our first yelled things I was too young to church benches was just too much experience with Dovetail and it understand, and, at the time, I could for me that night. God bless Pepto changed our lives. We registered have sworn that I saw my life flash Bismol and ginger ale. And God for the Dovetail Conference in before my eyes. Years later, my dad bless the soft, pliant couches of swears that it wasn't as bad as I Louisville, KY hoping to have my grandparents' living room. our many questions about the remember it, but I've compared future of our interfaith family notes with my brother since then, I fully blame this incident for the answered. After two very full and we're pretty sure that our dad time when, years later, I accidentally days of information and ideas, violated at least a dozen different brought a ham and cheese sandwich we returned home feeling for traffic laws that night. I think the to my job as a camp counselor at the the first time that a foundation skid marks from his car are still Jewish Community Center. could be laid for our future. on the 836 to this very day. Lucky for me and my poor digestive The most wonderful gift we To Grandmother's House system, by the time another year received from the conference rolled around when the first night By the time we got to Mom's family, was being able to ask questions of Hanukkah fell close to Christmas my poor little brother, who got we had struggled with. "How Eve, I was away at college. My motion sick just walking to the can we teach our children about brother called me up on Hanukkah mailbox, was positively green and to ask me how many dinners I had Judaism and Catholicism and ready to throw up. I, meanwhile, eaten that night. The minute he said not confijse them?" "How do was huddled in the corner of the it I felt queasy, but I smiled anyway. we celebrate the Jewish and backseat, trembling, my knees pulled It could be worse, I told him. At least Catholic holidays together?" up to my chest and my asthma about both our famiUes don't celebrate the "How can we teach our ex• to kick in. But we made it. We same Holidays—imagine if we had to tended families about our own scrambled out of the car and threw go through that every year! Poor kid, interfaith family?" We finally ourselves headlong into my other he had to take a Dramamine when I had found caring and honest grandparents' house, just in time said that. people to answer our many for ham and pirogies. Of course, questions. not one of the four of us wanted to And just for the record, my brother admit that we had just eaten, so we Having the support of others and I are still the #1 dreidel team in stuffed ourselves, again. who are struggling with the America. And we can string the most same sorts of life issues has popcorn in our family without eating I don't think that to this day I've meant the world to us. Dovetail any of it. Most of the time. eaten so much food in so little time. has allowed us to come to terms with the fact that living in an interfaith family is not always easy, but it is possible and can If we do not continue to financially To send a tax-deductible gift, give be extremely meaningful. support Dovetail, the support that Visa or MasterCard information by has been so important to us will not We hope you will consider what telephone: 800-530-1596, or on-line, be there for the many other families Dovetail means to you and your struggling with these issues. www.dovetailinstitute.org; call with family and we ask you to join us securities transfer information; or in making a meaningful gift to Warmly, Dovetail this year. send a check to DI-IFR, 775 Simon Jen Kracower and Tom Cafferty Greenwell Ln., Boston KY 40107

November/December 2001 page 6 Christmukkah Anonymous, From the Internet

ontinuing the current trend of In exchange, it is believed that Check out our new website at will be allowed to use Santa Claus Clarge-scale mergers and acquisi• www. dovetailinstitute. org. tions, it was announced today at a and his vast merchandising resources press conference that Christmas and for buying and delivering their gifts. Hanukkah will merge. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least An industry source said that the deal three hundred years was the question had been in the works for about 1300 of whether Jewish children could years, ever since the rise of the leave milk and cookies for Santa Mushm Empire. While details even after having eaten meat for were not available at press time, it dinner. A breakthrough came last is believed that the overhead cost of year, when Oreos were finally having twelve days of Christmas and declared to be Kosher. All sides eight days of Hanukkah was becom• appeared happy about this. ing prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., world will be able to enjoy consis• declined to say whether a takeover of tently high-quality service during the Kwanzaa might not be in the works Fifteen Days of Christmukkah, as the as well. He merely pointed out that, new holiday is being called. were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger Massive layoffs are expected, with between Christmas and Hanukkah lords a-leaping and maids a-milking might indeed be seen as an unfair being the hardest hit. As part of the cornering of the holiday market. conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Fortunately for all concerned, he Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain thus becoming unintelligible to a the competitive balance. He then wider audience. Also, instead of closed the press conference by translating to "A great miracle hap• leading all present in a rousing pened there," the message on the rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye dreidel will be the more generic Faithful." "Miraculous stuff happens."

''This book is a must. —SMALL PRESS MAGAZINE ANUKKAH For interfaith families, a sensitive account of how to observe both holidays while preserving the integrity of each.

—CHILD MAGAZINE

32 pp. CHILDREN'S PICTURE BOOK • S6.95 • ORDER FROM DOVETAIL AT (800) 530-1596

November/December 2001 page 7 Dovetail

Holiday Symbols An Internet Exchange

: This may sound trivial,but how homes with the Star of David on top. third century BCE synagogue, Jhave people handled the Santa Does anyone do this with their tree? alternating with pentagrams and Claus issue? Any opinions? swastikas.

R: Santa Claus is a fictional, secular• N: I haven't seen that, but I have Perhaps the last-named holds a clue: ized character. He originated, heard of a Christmas tree decorated the uses to which a symbol has however, in the Eastern Christian with laminated, sequinned . I recently been put color our view of church, deriving from the very real St once gave my son and his Christian it: the success of the 19th century Nicholas of Myra of what is now wife a in the desire to find a simple, immediately known as Turkey. My kids don't shape of a Christmas tree. It seemed identifiable symbol for Judaism believe in Santa Claus, but then appropriate. similar to the cross for Christianity, neither does my husband, who is and its use on the flag of , M: This is an interesting question, from a Christian background. It's combine with its use by the Nazis as and one that's aroused some rather a non issue for us, too, therefore.:) a shameful identifier to change our intemperate responses (that I'm not feelings about the Magen David as K: We wouldn't incorporate the posting). I think it is worthwhile for surely as the Western ubiquity of the popular version of Santa Claus, even this group to explore, though, Christmas tree have shorn it of if neither of us were Jewish. Fortu• because it comes to the root of the associations with paganism or nately, many of our daughter's peers' challenge of intermarriage—which "popery." Symbols are powerful; parents choose to ignore Santa I take at least partly to be respecting that's why we use them. Maybe just Clause, too. If parents are able to boundaries while neither blurring as we can no longer use the old create something positive with the them out of existence nor building English heraldic symbol called the Santa Claus construct, then that's them into dividing walls. fylfot in our church decorations, or great. The popular image just seems view the shape with equanimity on a Why, for example, do so many of us to us to be a kind of commercial Navajo blanket, since it's been feel repelled at the idea of combining perversion of the image of Saint termed "swastika" and used to mean two symbols, neither one of which is Nicholas, who is known for his terror and oppression, we Christians strictly religious. Both tree and star generosity to a poor family with can't co-opt the Magen David as our only came into widespread use as many daughters. We do celebrate own divine shield, now that we've symbolic of the two creeds in the Saint Nicholas's Day (December 6th) acquiesced in its use as a badge by 19th century. by giving our daughter a special gift the agents of oppression. and including her in the act of giving It's true that the six-pointed star was widely used in Byzantine churches a gift to a child who is in need. And in a culture dominated, at least long before it was anything more nominally, by Christianity, we have than a decorative trope in synagogue L: Over the last few days I have seen to be particularly sensitive to misuse architecture—used, in one second or several Christmas trees in people's of others' symbols. ^

We also need to be sure we have our symbols straight. Many of us were taught that the crescent moon of Islam symbolized the arc of the advance of Muslim armies from Gibraltar to Tours in the 8th century It seems, however, that the crescent moon symbol was adapted from a Byzantine flag, combined with an omen seen in a dream by the founder of the Ottoman Empire. "The faith of Islam has historically had no symbol, and many refuse to accept what is essentially an ancient pagan icon. It is certainly not in uniform use among Muslims" (from http://islam.about.com/library/weekly).

Holiday Shopping Please remember to do your on-line shopping at http://www.iGive.com/ Join the Dovetail listserv discussion Dovetail. Not only can you support Dovetail—at no cost to you—by at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ designating us as your favorite cause, you can also donate to relief efforts in interfaith Manhattan and Washington through this channel.

November/December 2001 page 8 The Buddhist, Jewish, Christmas Tree by Lillian Pivar Heimowitz t was three weeks before Christmas thinking. Rather than throw away Lillian Pivar Heimowitz lives the tree, we should give it to a poor Iwhe n my boss, O.B. Moan, called in Camarilla, Ca. me into his office. family. We could deliver it to them on Christmas day." "Lil," he said, leaning back in his chair with his feet propped on the I was getting into the spirit of giving. desk, "we have to do something "O.B., I have another idea. Suppose I about Christmas." visit a church and ask the priest if he knows of a needy family. I'm sure the "What about Christmas?" people in our department would "I was thinking that we should have donate money for something a Christmas tree. I'd like you to buy worthwhile. I'll find out what the one and set it up in our department." family needs and buy them clothes and toys. Then we can bring them "O.B., I've never bought a Christmas the tree and all the goodies." tree. You know I'm Jewish. I'm more into celebrating Hanukkah." "Lil," smiled O.B., "that's a terrific idea. Go to it." "Take John." It was the first time I'd been in a "John is Chinese and believes in church, but after meeting Father Buddha. Don't you think I should Dolan, I did not feel like a stranger. ask some Christian who would know He told me of a recently widowed more about buying a tree?" mother and her four small children.

"I don't see the problem. Just go to A few days later, with Father Dolan's the nearest tree lot. It would be a information on the family's needs, good idea to buy decorations for it." I formed a committee to buy the Wallet in hand, he extracted a few clothes and toys. After work, we twenties. "This should cover it. If not, wrapped and placed them under I'll reimburse you." the tree. Our mission had spread through the building; every morning John and I went to the lot, and with when I came to work, another gaily the advice of the salesman we bought wrapped gift had been placed under a six-foot evergreen tree. Our next the tree by a generous donor. stop was a place that sold Christmas tree decorations. With the help of a On the day before Christmas, the clerk, we staggered out with a large trimmed tree, gifts, and an envelope carton overflowing with lights, orna• of money were loaded into a truck ments, and boxes of silvery tinsel. owned by Joe, one of the men at work. Later, I asked Joe about the I thought our job was done, but not reaction of the family when he'd according to O.B. He enlisted the carried the tree into the house. help of other department personnel to dress the tree. I must admit the "The children's faces lit up when they twinkling lights and colorful decora• saw the tree and the presents. I will tions brought the corner of the room never forget the mother's tears a certain aura of joy. streaming down her face."

When O.B. saw the decorated tree, he This was the beginning of an annual said, "John and you did a great job." tradition. He paused for a moment. "I was

November/December 2001 page 9 Dovetail

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Jill Gupta, The Great Bible Adventure, f religious education of children CMC is arranged as a series of daily God's Message for CInldren, no author Ibegan at 13 instead of ending half-page, illustrated "stories" with a listed; Margot R. Hodson , A Feast of there, as it so often does, we might moral printed at the end of each. All Seasons (London and Grand Rapids, well awaken a serious lifetime this is taken from the New Interna• ML Kregel Publications, 2001). interest in our young. This reviewer tional Version Bible, a very conserva• does not like children's books unless, tive Christian translation. In short, like Winnie-the-Pooh or Wind in the GMC is unsuitable for interfaith Willows, they retain their power to families. (I wouldn't recommend speak to us even when we're adults. it to Christian families, either.) Religious books for children are almost precluded from doing this A Feast of Seasons is not a children's because their purpose is to teach book, though it was packaged with the other two and is cast in some- children moral lessons derived from vv'hat childish language. Its author the faith. Hence, they are too often "works full time for the Church didactic and preachy, to say nothing Ministry among the Jewish People of distortive of the Bible stories that (CMJ)" and she acknowledges help the authors unquestioningly take as from the Messianic community of literal historic fact. North London (UK). Her book is Nonetheless, Jill Gupta's book. The presented as exploring "what these Great Bible Adventure, succeeds in ancient celebrations can mean for holding the reader's interest while Christians today." What she has asking some of the provocative produced is a revolting concoction questions that come from Scripture. of Christian triumphalism sprinkled She does this by approaching the with Jewish recipes but larded with subject matter in a lighthearted but encouragement to Christians to co- not frivolous way and by sprinkling opt Jewish festivals as their own, for the 8.5" X 11" volume with the clever instance in "A Hagaddah for believers in Jesus" (59-65), and with sugges• cartoons and puns of Mychailo tions to Jews to become "Messianic." Kazybrid (Abraham and Sarah having an "intense" [in tents] Ms. Hodson may be well intentioned, relationship; sleepless Bethlehem but Jesus himself had a few choice sheep counting angels). After Dr Stanley Ned Rosenbaum is words to say on the subject of good retelling each story in an upbeat Professor Emeritus of Judaic intentions, and in these post- manner, Gupta refers readers to Holocaust days many Christians Studies, Dickinson College, the Scripture passage from which of good will have decided to forego Carlisle, Pa. and adjunct it comes. (She doesn't recommend proselytizing Jews, directly or which translation to use. For a mixed professor at Louisville (Ky.) indirectly. Let Ms. Hodson rather religious family, this last is of crucial Presbyterian Seminary and direct her efforts at making peace importance, but that's an article for in Christian Ireland or between the the University of Kentucky another time.) Serbs and Croats of former Yugosla• (Lexington). A Dovetail Institute God's Message for Children is a coat via, after which her warm words director, he is co-author of of another color: a monochrome. might carry more weight. Mean• Celebrating Our Differences: Even the illustrations are bland. while, those of us in the interfaith community should remain vigilant Living Two Faitlis in One While Gupta's book contains recognizably Semitic figures, CMC's that what we give our children, or Marriage (Ragged Edge: are straight vanilla people dressed rely on ourselves, is accurate, Shippensburg, Pa., 1994). up as for a Sunday School pageant. balanced, and fair, p

November/December 2001 page 10 Advertising Lesson by Janett L. Grady hile baby-sitting a few days "No, Michael," I said, "that just costs been satisfied... but it sure looked W ago, I got a lesson in the more money." good on TV. power of advertising from my five- "But if we don't like it, we can cancel What's the lesson here? year-old grandson. any time." Well, we're all advertising something, We were watching television when an Here's a little boy who can remember whether we know it or not. All of ad for Muppet home videos came on. every detail of a five-minute televi• us—Christians and Jews, teachers "Gran-gran, can we sign up for sion commercial, but can't seem to and preachers, doctors and lawryers— those?" he asked. remember from day to day that his represent our principles, our morals, boots go on after his snow pants. values, ethics, beliefs, or whatever it "I don't think so, honey," I answered. is you want to call it all. However we "Your mom and dad don't have any The funniest part of it all is that live our lives, whatever we do, is Michael has never even seen the extra money to be wasting on that." advertising, and people will, like Muppet show. Knowing him as I do, Michael, remember what they see. ^ "You don't need money," he said. I doubt his expectations would have "You can use a credit card."

Beatrice Bruteau, editor Contributors: JESUS THROUGH JEWISH EYES Rabbi Howard Addison Laura Bernstein Rabbis and Scholars Engage an Rabbi Herbert Bronstein Ancient Brother in a New Conversation Rabbi Michael J. Cook Beatrice Bruteau, co-founder of an international network com• Rabbi Laurence Edwards munity for contemplatives of all traditions, asked prominent Andrew Vogel Ettin lewish teachers: "If you could get to the historical Jesus himself, Lance Flitter before Christianity, when he was simply a Jew among Jews, Rabbi Joseph H. Gelberman what would you see? How would you respond? What would Rabbi Lawrence Kushner you hope we could do about it today?" The beautiful and sur• Drew Leder prising insights that surfaced in this conversation will encourage Rabbi Michael Lerner both Christians and Jews to rejoice in common values and work together in the healing and blessing of their shared humanity. Daniel Matt Rabbi Daniel Polish "These provocative and insightful essays, sometimes funny, Stanley N. Rosenbaum often moving, and frequently brilliant, will add much to the Rabbi Allen A. Secher rapidly developing dialogue between Christians and Jews." 1-57075-388-1 Rabbi Rami Shapiro —RICHARD E. RUBENSTEIN, author, When Jesus Became God paperback $20.00 Rabbi Byron L. Sherwin "I am grateful for this compelling and enriching book. It Rabbi Lewis D. Solomon broadened and enriched my perspective." Rabbi Arthur Waskow —JOHN SHELBY SPON'G, author, This Hebrew Lord Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf

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November/December 2001 page 11 Dovetail Composed on a Braided Base by Janet Landman

Janet K. Tracy Landman is associate Once a year we purchase one bottle of wine less for contents than container: professor of psychology at Babson the kind of vessel called One season our child and I College in Wellesley, Mass., and settled ourselves at the table; in English flask, I peeled potatoes by the light author of the nonfiction book. in Italian fiasco, of our quiet volcano, and she sketched it Regret: The Persistence of the round-bottomed vessel that but for its plaited-reed base in crayon. Another year Possible (Oxford 1993). Her poetry could not stay upright. we watched as wavy, variegated strands has appeared or is forthcoming in an of paraffin tresses grew— anthology and a number of literary November we buy two kinds of tapers: not unlike hers Chanukah candles to fit the menorah, that post-bat-mitzvah season. journals, including Black River and old-fashioned candles, each Review, Blue Violin, The Dickinson of which melts into multiple hues— No, she tells her friends. No, she doesn't miss a Christmas tree. Review, Icarus, Northeast Corridor, to fit the flask. It's no disaster. Potomac Review, ancf Princeton Arts We time the secular lightings She hugs to herself Review. Her poem "Anniversary at to coincide with Christmas, those eight waxing nights Middle Age" was awarded third prize unless Chanukah does; along with our odd worldling rite. in the 1999 National Writers' Union then they come earlier. She stands composed on a braided base. competition, judged by Alicia First we plant a forest green, Ostriker and verdancy flows all around, waxy spreading willow so convincing it diverts us all from the crash of December outdoors, where the wind boots so spitefully over crystal ice slicks, one can hardly stand without help. Then gnarled clumps of blue gather halfway down, the overflow plash• ing in cantilevered paths to the stoneware beneath. All flame and course, cumulatively, until in time rivers of tallow commingle: primary-colored freshets entangled with rose, olive, raisin, and apple— complex shades warming this life of mine based on years of childhood Masses layered with even more years of Chanukahs.

Bulletin Board Addition: New York, Long Island/Suffolk County* New group: Eileen Horowitz, 516-345-0095.

November/December 2001 page 12 The Midwife's Song (Review)

ernard J. Bamberger, in The cry," she says. "Allow yourself to feel Brenda Ray, The Midwife's Song (Port BStory of Judaism (NY: Schocken, the pain. You've suffered a great loss. St. Joe, El: Karmichael Press, 2000). 1964), defines Midrash as "a search• I pray my God will comfort you...." ing by which unsuspected meanings The princess, who has previously could be derived from scripture," and prayed to the Egyptian gods of Brenda Ray, in The Midwife's Song, childbirth, accepts Puah's concern, the first book in a projected trilogy, and they hold one another. It is a brings us such meanings. Reading scene of interfaith harmony set between the lines with imagination amidst the conflict between Heb• and compassion, she expands rews and Egyptians. scripture in order to expound ^att scripture. Her novel makes scriptural This story is biblical fiction, a genre revelation more contextually I find helpful in understanding understandable by vivid character• scripture. The outstanding contem• ization, intelligent plots, and believ• porary example of this genre is The by Walter Wangerin Jr. able sentiment. Book of God (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, In this 243-page book, the author— 1996), which opened me to God's a former midwife herself—gives us a Word in a new and renewing way. look at the Moses birth saga through Brenda Ray's book is a credit to this the eyes of one of the two midwives particular literary method, and her mentioned in the Bible as charged approach of having ninety-eight- by Pharaoh with exterminating year-old Puah tell the baby Moses newborn Jewish males. Through a story to the children as they make passionate characterization of Puah their exodus through the wilderness we meet not only her but also her is stimulating. Some tell stories to great love Hattush, her senior put someone to sleep, but Brenda mentor Shiphrah, and Batya, an Ray tells this one to wake us up, and Egyptian princess with a mind of wake us up to the truth and power her own, as well as other credible of God's Word it does. characters. One of the children to whom Puah At one point Batya, pregnant and tells this definitive story is her great- realizing her baby is in trouble, sends great-granddaughter Hannah. The the palace guard to summon Puah to second book of Brenda Ray's trilogy, help her. Their differences put aside, The Midwife's Heart, will bring us they develop a heartwarming Hannah's adult years in the wilder• relationship. In one of the book's ness. The final story will be set in Dr. Philip H. Barnhart is pastor at most tender scenes, after the baby is the Promised Land. Readers will lost, Hebrew Puah assures Egyptian enjoy the first book in this series The Chapel on the Hill in Lake Batya of her prayers. "It is good to and look forward to the next two. p Geneva, Wis.

SmaH World Department Thanks to the generous initiative of Dovetail members Sandy Stein (a student This issue of Dovetail was made of mine at Dickinson in 19??) and Julie Kern, we have established a brokerage possible by Dr. Florence M. Smith. account with Bear, Stearns & Co. in Chicago and can now rligiipftifofe^^^^^ securities. (Hey, the market's got to go up sometime.) SNRi^fE^^^^^^^^^

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November/December 2001 page 14 Dovetail Institute Third What people National Conference are saying about Dovetail Conferences August 16-18, 2002 Location: Union League Club 65 W. Jackson Blvd., Chicago IL 60604-3598 Call 312-427-7800 for room reservations ($120/night flat rate)

Program Topics:

• Life Cycles: weddings, baby-welcoming and coming-of-age ceremonies, remarriages and vow renewals, and funerals • Choices About Children: choosing religion, resources, education, and family celebrations • Inner Life: spirituality, burnout, finding other like-minded people, and— a new area for us—interfaith marriages that include Muslim partners • Family Issues: aduh children, daily life, grandparenting, extended family

Above all, there will be opportunities to exchange ideas and feelings with people in situations similar to your own, whether you're engaged, raising a young family, living with older children, dealing with the empty nest, or finding your way as We Have grandparents in an interfaith family.

If you're involved with interfaith families as a religious or secular counselor, you A Tool Kit' will find others to network with and draw inspiration from. And, as always, there will be books and tapes for sale, free handouts of ceremonies and other resources, for Life and networking lists to keep you in touch. If you're not already a member, send your dues along with your donation to ensure a 10% discount on conference registration fees and all tapes and transcripts.

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MaU form to 775 Simon Greenwell Ln., Boston, KY 40107 or call 800-530-1596 or register on-line at www.dovetailinstitute.org. 1 MEMBERSHIP/SUBSCRIPTION Membership dues for non-subscribers $30 . Membership dues for subscribers New subscription and membership: $59.95 Renewed subscription and membership: $50 DONATION: Contributor $25 Supporter $100 _ Conference Underwriter $1000 . Conference Angel $2000-H . Designate my donation for the Roberts Fund . I wish my donation to be anonymous CONFERENCE REGISTRATION Name: Address: City: State: Zip: Phone: Fax: E-mail: TOTAL PAYMENT Check all that apply. $125 Non-member rate (all rates per person) $112 Member rate $ 112 Early bird non-member rate $ 100 Early bird member rate _Group rate additional 10% Visa, MasterCard, check accepted. Payment in full required to process your registration. _ Check Enclosed. Amount: No.: MasterCard Visa Expiration: Cardholder s Name: Card Number: Total amount $

November/December 2001 page 15 The Perfect Keepcsake for Interfaith Couples

For the first time a Ketubah, a Hebrew marriage covenent, is available in language especially suited to interfaith couples. ' Ptease send me a full The Poetic and egalitarian style clearly expresses an color brochure, interfaith couple's commitment to respect each other's heritage. It is a beautiful art piece, witnessing the bride and Z Please send me a ketubah. groom's promise to love and honor one another. Enclosed is $125 for each ketubah + $15 shipping and handling. {!L residents add 9% sales tax). GOOD www.agoodcompany.com j interfthaaol.com Gatt for Gilding & Calligraphy pricing. (312)913>9193 P.O. Box 3218 Chicago. tL 60654

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In the Next Issue: The Music of Love: Sacred Times for Interfaith Families printed on recycled paper