Issue No: 204 October 2013 'The Chelmsford Fanzine'
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File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
The Edge 204_The Edge 172.qxd 25/09/2013 14:14 Page 1 the ISSUE NO: 204EDGE‘THE CHELMSFORD FANZINE’ OCTOBER 2013 www.theedgemag.co.uk Telephone 01245 348256 Mobile: 077 646 797 44 [email protected] Back Inn Time Ad_Layout 1 23/09/2013 16:27 Page 1 Happy HolidaysJOIN US AS WE SWING IN THE HOLIDAYS! BACK INN TIME CHEERS CHRISTMAS LUNCH MENU TEL: 01245 269983 PARTY TIME! £20 per person The Edge 204_The Edge 172.qxd 26/09/2013 08:58 Page 3 ‘DRINK AS MUCH AS Book your YOU LIKE’ OUTDOOR BARS FOR A FUNCTION SET NOW! PRICE “THE BUBBLY IS ON US!” www.olivercatering.com Email: [email protected] TEL: 01245 451651 OPEN: 5.00am - 6.00pm Monday - Friday 7.00am - 2.00pm Saturday 9.00am - 2.00pm Sunday Chelmsford Railway Station’s LOCAL Coffee Shop! Celebrating 17YEARS 17YEARS 17YEARS 17YEARS 17YEARSof Chelmsford dog ‘Wilson’ clowning around on Hemmick Beach, St. Austell, Cornwall. the Sent in by his (human) owner, Stuart Bultitude. EDGE The Edge 077 646 797 44 Page 3 The Edge 204_The Edge 172.qxd 25/09/2013 15:05 Page 4 19381-+8H>C9?&9,+=3-+66CC9?=A+>>2/14 and 17 - being forced to work in appalling beers in, but travelling to get there on a regular 063/=+8.>2/C+</38=>+8>6C38-38/<+>/.A3>2+conditions when they raided the workshop in +@/4?=></-/3@/.+8/7+360<97=97/98/daily basis is entirely another matter. 06+=290A23>/6312>+8.>2/=9?8.90+-<+-5Bernal, 10 miles south of Buenos Aires. -+66/.!+B$/83=900/<3817/G,9>>6/= <381=+A296/69+.900?8>9=A+>>381'2/Ah, that’s OK then, seeing as they’re not Brits. %H86+<1/<$366=+::+</8>6C'9/B:/<3/8-/SCRUMPTIOUS =7+6698/==//7>9.3=+::/+<+8.>2/6+<1/<No it bloody well isn’t. +<9-52+<./</->398At the time of writing (a Saturday afternoon, as 98/=8/@/<</-9@/<&97/7312>>2385>2+>H=+S’truth, is it any wonder that The Edge doesn’t .98H>/@/8589AA29!+B$/83=3=,?>>2+>it happens) I’ve just returned from having a late ,3>,<?>+6,?>3>3=.+78;?3-5>99cover the news? ,699.CA30/90738/A366=//73816C.3=27C/7+36morning full english breakfast at Scrumptious %/1+<.= +..</==9?>>9+679=>Tea Rooms in Great Dunmow for the second EGGPLANT 9,?663>98 weekend running because it is absolutely first I only found out the otherAAA>2//B/-?>398/<-9?5 day that eggplant is class and definitely worth the journey. actually aubergine. And just so’s you know, the 38+66C19>>9>2/,9>>97907C9819381G=29?6 only thing I like eggplant in is ratatouille. ./<:<9,6/7H</+./<=>H=+<>2<3>3=DRESS DOWN FRIDAYS ?=>>29?12>H.:9:C9?+8/7+36>96/>C9? Dress Down'2+>7+5/=7/9003-3+66C96..9/=>2+> Fridays are bollocks. 589A>2+>@/4?=>6+?12/.+66>2/A+C0<97NUDGE Companies should force their staff to dress as 2/67=09<.>9Eighty quidit’s just3@/<:996&><//>>23=79<8381>H= cost me to fill the motor up their opposite gender on Fridays instead. >2/03<=>>37/H@//@/<:3-5/.+-9:C90'2/with diesel. ::+</8>6C&37989A/66986C2+=,6+-5699<966YES, women have to turn up dressed as men .1/?:+8.3>3=236+<39?=!+./>2/D </>?<8Did you hear me right? Eighty quid! 38+669023=,+>2<997=38+669023=297/=and men have to wear frocks and stockings and The Edge Editor’s Column ><+38>3-5/>>9&69?12=//7=6312>6C6/==/B>9<You used to be able to go away for the weekend +)2/</.9C9?,?C>2+>-969?<>2/8say, “Oh, I’m a lady.” >398+>/+8.>2/0+->>2+>A+=987CA+C>9on eighty quid (OK, OK, albeit back in the sev- ,9A.9C9?589AA2/8C9?<,?7H=-6/+8 FAUX0 PAS -/6/,<+>/7C >2=6312>6C79</,/+<+,6/enties). NEW TENT !/1+<./8=2/.-9?6..9A3>2+-9+>90:+38>I think the major faux pas of our last wonderful Christ alive, how did it ever get to this?+-/C23>>C Went down to that Camping & General place on =9>29?12>H.,/>>/<19>9>2+>$9?6>98summer was ‘lads’ wearing their sunglasses on How did it ever get to eighty sodding quid? B 8>/</=>381>9=//>2+>/7/6/7:=>/+.2+=Canvey Island, looking to buy a new tent (joint $9<>+,6/=:6+-/38+8,?<CA2/</>2/A30/9<313the backs of their heads whilst chewing on a Actually, it was £80.01 as the till staff always ,//8@9>/.<3>+38H=(163/=>'9A8+0>/<+=?<1/investment with The F* ckwitts) recently and you 8+66C=9?<-/.3>'+65+,9?>,<381381+>/+<>97Ccocktail stick. nudge that extra penny on from a secret red 906+>/@9>38103B/.=+A3>:9A/<+2/+.90>2/know when some things are just meant to be? /C/ 63></-+8A+=>A/8>C;?3.986C>2/,695/ '2/button underneath the=/<3/=2+=>+5/8900:</>>C counter, don’t they? :</@39?=0<98><?88/<It was outside, the only ?>98tent standing, on display </-598/.H.:<9,+,6C8//. 63></=E?>30C9?LOTTA CHOCOLATE A/66)/H@/2+.>2/=23>-969?<902/67=09<. #8/90>2/+?>29<=,/238.>2/=?<@/C=+3.Eas a sale item and it was love at first site! ,?C>2/63></-+809<DF2/=+3.A3>2+=736/Is it just me, or did Club biscuits really used to !+<5/>!+C+>/<9?=/?8/>2/<7CDAIRY LEA589A/B+->6CA2C/7/6.3.=9A/6638>2/:966It’s an olive colour, so we’re going to call it/her 9823=0+-/EC9?H.+->?+66C,/=+@381C9?<=/60be bigger and have a lot more chocolate on "+@C06C9@/<?6C$3==93<$+==+1/?1?=>I don’t care what anyone says, you cannot beat A/8>>2/</98-/+8.98-/A+=79</>2+8Olive. Only trouble is, we’re not going to be able D Fthem than they do nowadays? +8.!+<5/>%9+.38>23=/.3>398a Dairy Lea soft cheese triangle. /89?12Fto use it until next season, and you know what &9>2+>H=A2+>,699.CA/669:>/.09<A23-23= 9A/@/<3>H=19381>91/>0+<><3-53/<0<972/</ '2/03<=>/.3>39890it’s like when you buy something,:?,63=2/.38 anything.... A2CH789A2+@381>92+@/+,3>90+=3>.9A8MOTHER TRADED DAUGHTER FOR 9838,/-+?=/+=97/90>2/79=>9,@39?==23>LONDON It’s like =96.79</>2+8 -9:3/=+8.:<9 having an itch/spot and not being able to NEW FREEZER ,3>=909?<-3>C2+@/89A,//8+--9?8>/.09<Took the wife to London the other day and how @95/.9?><+1/0<978?7/<9?=>9A8H=</=3./8>=scratch/pop it! +8.,>2/096./<>2+>A+=5//:381C9?<=?1 Sometimes you read stuff that absolutely stag- people commute on a regular daily basis if a %* (/ 0" ! (('Please God ‘LIKE’ The Edge. Go on... 3 1/=>398=382+==97/29A7C=>/<39?=6C./6/>/.part of their journey involves the tube as well is facebook.com/theedgemagazine(($(&+"!&!.#' gers you and a mother swapping her 11-year- +-#++)(&" !!twitter.com/TheEdgeMag old9@/>2/7+1 daughter to a neighbour in exchange for a 3>=/600<977C-97:?>/<&9-+8+=5+6690C9?totally beyond me. ()")#*+0**$ DO IT NOW! For Christ’s sake, LIKE " !*'(,!!)%*(*The Edge as no bugger else does. =2+</C9?<.3=635/90063/=kitchen appliance did just that to me. A29H@/+6</+.C=/8>38C9?<=?11/=>398=38-I usedto do it, for ever such a short period of -9?:6/90C/+<=+1998/907C=98=38><9What’s worse is that the girl was then forced to :29>91<+:2=>9538.6C=/8.>2/738time in my life, but surely you feel both dirty and .?-/.7/>9work in an illegal aluminium pan'23=3=+2+8.C factory where, ?>A2+>H7</+66C+0>/<+</=97/8/A-6/@/</<knackered by the time you clock on at 9:00am... cc 63>>6/./@3-/>2+>>+5/=>2/09<790+6312>A/312>to add insult to injury, she was sexually abused89>=99,@39?==?11/=>398=>2+>7312>89>+>03<=>and you’ve then got a whole day’s work ahead THE EDGE Chelmsford CM2 6XD >/883=<+-;?/>>C:/>2381A3>2A3</7/=2+8.by the owner. +::/+<+::+</8>&91/>C9?<>2385381-+:=98of you. 077 646 797 44 >A9,+>>/<3/=C9?-+81?/==A2/</>23=3=Police also found five other girls - aged between +8.6/>=,/</-/3@381>2/7:<98>9No, no, no, no. London’s alright to have a few [email protected] )%% )%"*-$. "#(%&&$$*("#)%( ,,,)%%)%" ,""(.%+! $'+() )%%)%" ,""(.%+! Page 4 The Edge 01245 348256 The Edge 204_The Edge 172.qxd 25/09/2013 15:45 Page 5 PLUG Just a little plug for Cliff ‘Get Down Shep’ Noakes of The Essex Cider Shop in Moulsham Street, readers, for t’was Cliff who advised me to buy some bottles of the award winning traditional farmhouse pressed Welsh cider (6.5% and absolutely delicious served exceedingly cold on a lovely hot day) Black Dragon prior to The Edge’s recent trip to St. David’s, Pembrokeshire (see following page...). I’d tried a couple of warm bottles around our camp fire during evening #1, but that’s just not the way to serve it. However, the following after- noon, after a gorgeous coastal walk from ultra quaint Porth Clais to Solva, we climbed the stairs of an ickle cafe-cum-bar overlooking Solva’s bobbing harbour, only to find a ’fridge stacked full of the ice-cold very same, and after a 5-mile yomp in the heat, let your editor assure you, all three bottles he consumed hit the spot perfectly.