{Read} {PDF EPUB} ~download Today I Am a Ma'am and Other Musings On Life Beauty and Growing Older by Valerie Harper Today I Am a Ma'am: and Other Musings On Life, Beauty, and Growing Older. I hope you have as much fun reading this book as I had writing it. I want to thank my coauthor, Catherine Whitney, for her wonderful work, her invaluable guidance, and for all the laughter we shared. She not only took my words and crafted them beautifully but she also further enhanced the book by bringing two people of enormous humor and creativity into the project—her writing partner, Paul Krafin, who is a very funny man, and our extremely talented illustrator, Rick Tulka. I’m very grateful to Jane Dystel, my crackerjack literary agent, for her tenacity, keen attention to detail, and for her belief in me. Thank you to my editor, Diane Reverand, whose creativity, enthusiasm, and savvy have infused the process from the beginning. She has been a joy to work with. Diane’s associate, Janet Dery, saw the book’s production through with patience and great organizational skills, and we’d have been lost without her. I want to acknowledge the dear, beautiful, brilliant women who for decades have been my “girlfriends.” Special thanks to Penny Almog, Nicole Barth, and Iva Rifkin for the insights you contributed to the book and for all you’ve shared over the years. I want to thank Charlotte Brown, Sue Cameron, Joanne Carson, Arlene Golonka, and Carol Kane, as well, for telling your stories and giving me so much loving support. I treasure my relationships with each of you, and it looks like we got a book out of it. I knew I had to write this book the day I found myself uttering a shocking statement. I was regaling my teenage daughter, Cristina, with a funny story about an encounter I’d had with a woman at the supermarket. “She was this little old lady of sixty,” I said. That’s as far as I got, because Cristina was doubled over with laughter. “ What? ” I demanded, annoyed. “I didn’t get to the punch line yet.” “Uh, Mom,” she said with a grin, “I hate to break it to you, but you’re sixty.” “You just said, ‘this little old lady of sixty’“ “Oh, my God!” It was a moment of truth. I certainly didn’t consider myself to be a little old lady, but if the phrase could slip off my tongue with such remarkable ease, that meant it was hardwired in my brain. I never thought I’d be sixty. It’s not that I didn’t expect to live this long. It’s just that—well, sixty! That’s almost old. I was afraid that by the time I reached fifty I wouldn’t be myself anymore. I guess that when you spend your life as a dancer and an actor you learn to view the passing of time like the ticking of a time bomb— five more years until annihilation . . . four more years until annihilation . . . thirty minutes until annihilation . I can still remember being a thirteen-year-old ballet dancer and thinking, oh, my God, if I don’t get into a ballet company by age sixteen, I’m sunk. Imagine feeling that pressure at thirteen! That’s an extreme example, but the prevailing media wisdom is that women have shelf life. If you don’t believe it, just look at the movies. When was the last time you saw a leading man of a certain age (Sean Connery, Michael Douglas) paired with a leading lady (Meryl Streep, Faye Dunaway) of a similar certain age? What does it say about our society when our most popular romantic male leads are in their fifties, sixties, and even seventies, and our most popular female romantic leads are in their twenties and thirties? If I were to be cast in a Harrison Ford movie, I’d probably get the role of his mother. I’m not joking. Jane Fonda once made this observation: “What’s the worst thing about being a female movie star over forty? Watching each year as Robert Redford’s leading ladies get younger and younger.” For pure, unadulterated insults, nothing beats a trip down the greeting card aisle. Those warm, fuzzy greeting card moments are certainly not directed at women—especially past the age of thirty. I ask you, who writes these cards? A troll in the back room? Here’s a random selection. You be the judge. Birthdays are like fine wine. Once you find an age you like, stick to it! Birthdays mean nothing to women like us. Why, you and I are just a couple of teenagers stuck in middle-aged bodies . . . And deep, deep denial. Birthdays are like French fries. The more we have, the bigger our butts get. A birthday and big boobs. Well, at least you’ve got one of those things today. Happy Birthday, Gal! No need to panic yet . . . Your whole butt still fits in the mirror. To aid you on your birthday, here are some valuable lovemaking tips for people your age . . . Set alarm clock for 2 minutes in case you doze off in the middle. Make sure you put 911 on speed dial. Keep extra Polygrip close by so your teeth don’t end up under the bed. Have heating pads, Tylenol, splints, and crutches ready in case you actually complete the act. We know we’re getting older when “Frosted Flakes” begins to refer to our peer group. Here’s the real kicker. You don’t have to be over forty to be pronounced over the hill. I saw this card for a woman turning thirty: Wow, 30! You know what that means! Time to get a bad haircut and some real dowdy clothes. Teenagers would be twenty-five, Mom would be thirty, and Grandma would be thirty-three. Are there any real people left? Two years ago, I shot an NBC television pilot for a wonderful show called Thicker Than Water . The plot centered around a family in New Jersey. Ron Leibman and I played a blue-collar couple whose two adult off-spring were suddenly returning to the nest. The script was funny and real, and we had a great response from the studio audience. Our hopes were high. NBC tested the pilot. The marketing guy came back to us with the results. “It tested great in the demographic between ages eighteen and forty- nine,” he reported. I was thrilled. “Wonderful!” He held up a cautionary finger. “The problem is, it tested poorly in the thirteen to eighteen demographic.” I didn’t get it. “Why is that a problem?” He gave me a pitying look. “We can’t sell a program to advertisers without that demographic.” Oh. Silly me. I guess I missed the memo that explained how fifteen-year-olds were the Gold Standard for all television viewing. Maybe Thicker Than Water would have had a better chance if the twenty-something kids had an actress of thirty playing Mom. Ageism is practiced by the networks, because that’s what Madison Avenue dictates. But how do they explain away the decline in viewership? How does it make sense to say, “You’re over fifty. We don’t care what you watch?” Imagine a supermarket chain deciding they’re only going to count groceries sold to people under thirty. Youth obsession is killing us. And yet . . . you and I know that we grown-up women are a powerful force. The youth-addled brains in Hollywood just don’t get it. It’s time for a call to arms, and I’m leading the charge. I figured I was the right one for the job, because women of a certain age often come up to me in restaurants and on the street and just start chatting, as if we were picking up a conversation that had been going on for a long time. There’s a comfort level there, an ability to be perfectly frank. One woman told me, “When Rhoda and Mary talked about turning thirty in an epidode titled ‘Today I Am a Ma’am,’ it was extremely comforting.” It’s something I’ve heard a lot. The Mary Tyler Moore Show was the first to feature women who were not only single and thirty but also on their own and enjoying themselves. Now it’s time to break another mold—to say, “Today I really am a ma’am!” My goal is to give women a laugh, a bit of encouragement, a brighter view of themselves. Behind every joke is a truth. When we laugh at ourselves, we’re happier. When we poke fun at the bizarre standards by which we are judged, we gain confidence. It feels good to talk back to the outrageous youth obsession that afflicts our culture. I can’t stand how grim everyone is about aging, as if it were a shameful secret. Osteoporosis, liver spots, vaginal dryness—oh, please! But I hate the other side of it, too. All those phony “fabulous at fifty” books written by people who never met a cellulite pocket. Face it. We aren’t all jumping for joy at being older. You don’t hear women waxing poetic about their alligator skin or the way their breasts are heading south. The point is, we can still be great. We can still be happy. And we can figure out, with humor, what it means to be us at this age. I’m enjoying this stage of my life. It doesn’t take me as much time to get going anymore. There was a point, not that long ago, when I wouldn’t leave the house without full makeup. Now you’re lucky if I bother to apply the line eraser makeup to the circles under my eyes. There have been other surprising benefits. I’ve discovered the joy of crankiness. I no longer feel compelled to be such a pleaser. And, while no one would ever accuse me of being serene, I find that it’s easier for me to get over disappointments. The voice of experience speaks to me, reminding me that nothing is ever life or death—except, of course, life and death. What a wonderful freedom there is as we grow older. AllMovie. Actress Valerie Harper's fame largely rests on her colorful portrayal of television's "New Yawk-er" Rhoda Morgenstern. After growing up in Oregon, Michigan and Jersey City, Harper became a chorus dancer in the Big Apple, hoofing with the Radio City Rockettes and performing in such Broadway musicals as Li'l Abner, Take Me Along, Wildcat and Subways Are for Sleeping. Her first film appearance was in the 1959 movie adaptation of Li'l Abner. While spending her nights on stage, she attended Hunter College and the New School for Social Research, supporting herself between dancing gigs as a telephone canvasser and hat-check girl. During the 1960s, she did comedy-improv work with Second City and Paul Sill's Story Theatre (one of her co-workers during her Sills years was her first husband, comic actor Richard Schaal). In the popular mid- 1960s comedy record album When You're in Love, the Whole World is Jewish, Harper can be heard offering an embryonic version of Rhoda Morgenstern, a character she based on her childhood friend Penny Almog. So well-grounded was she in Rhoda-like characterizations by 1970 that she was hired for The Mary Tyler Moore Show (her first regular TV-series gig) on the basis of a one-sentence audition. After winning three Emmies for her Mary Tyler Moore work, Harper was spun off into her own series in 1974, titled Rhoda. Though it opened to excellent ratings (thanks largely to the one-hour episode in which Rhoda married her blue-collar fiance Joe [David Groh]), Rhoda was never as big a hit as Mary Tyler Moore, and it left the air in 1978. During this period, Harper made her formal film debut in Freebie and the Bean (1974), earning a Golden Globe nomination for her portrayal of a Puerto Rican housewife. After toting up several stage and TV-movie credits, she returned to the weekly- series grind in 1986 with Valerie. She walked out on the show over a salary dispute, whereupon the producers fired her and retooled the series into The Hogan Family, which ran without Harper until 1991. She has starred in two series since leaving Valerie (1990's City and 1995's The Office) but has been unable to latch onto a character with the staying power of Rhoda Morgenstern. Additional appearances in Melrose Place, Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives, and Drop Dead Diva followed, Extremely active in prosocial causes off-camera, Valerie Harper was co-founder of an anti-hunger organization called LIFE (Love Is Feeding Everyone). Today I Am a Ma'am: and Other Musings On Life Beauty and Growing Older by Valerie Harper. Gender: Female Race or Ethnicity: White Sexual orientation: Straight Occupation: Actor Party Affiliation: Democratic. Nationality: United States Executive summary: Rhoda on Mary Tyler Moore. Valerie Harper began her career as a leggy showgirl at Radio City Music Hall. She made her film debut at 16, as one of the teenagers at the prom in Rock, Rock, Rock . She was a chorus girl in the musical film of Li'l Abner with Stubby Kaye. To most audiences, she is Rhoda Morganstern, wacky pal on The Mary Tyler Moore Show in the 1970s. After spinning off to her own Rhoda sitcom, Rhoda consistently beat Mary Tyler Moore in the ratings. Harper later starred in the sitcom Valerie , with a young Jason Bateman as her son. But she was considered "difficult", and Bateman soon came to be considered "the star" of the show, so when Harper didn't report to work one day, the next day she was fired. Her character was written into a car crash, Sandy Duncan was brought in to play her sister, and the show was renamed Valerie's Family . Harper sued, arguing that the title implied her continued involvement. She won $1.4 million, 12% of the show's profits -- and the show got its third title, The Hogan Family . Harper ran for president of the Screen Actors Guild in 2002, but lost to Melissa Gilbert. When she charged that the voting had not been on the level, the union voted again, and again Gilbert won. No longer in demand for sitcoms, she was the voice of a chicken in Dog's Best Friend , and has toured extensively in a one-woman show about the life and times of Pearl S. Buck. Husband: Richard Schaal (actor, m. 1964, div. 29-Jan-1978) Daughter: Wendy Schaal (stepdaughter, actress, b. 2-Jul-1954) Husband: Tony Cacciotti (producer, m. 8-Apr-1987, one daughter) Daughter: Cristina Cacciotti (adopted, actress, b. 1983) Friends of Hillary PAC For a Change Screen Actors Guild National Board of Directors SAG-AFTRA Board of Directors Emmy 1971 for Mary Tyler Moore Emmy 1972 for Mary Tyler Moore Emmy 1973 for Mary Tyler Moore Emmy 1975 for Rhoda Golden Globe 1975 for Rhoda Risk Factors: Lung Cancer, Brain Cancer. TELEVISION Missing Persons Ellen Hartig (1994) City Liz Gianni (1990) Valerie Valerie Hogan (1986-87) Rhoda Rhoda Morgenstern Gerard (1974-78) The Mary Tyler Moore Show Rhoda Morgenstern (1970-74) Author of books: Today I Am A Ma'am, and Other Musings on Life, Beauty, and Growing Older ( 2001 , memoir) Today I Am a Ma'am. The world’s #1 eTextbook reader for students. VitalSource is the leading provider of online textbooks and course materials. More than 15 million users have used our Bookshelf platform over the past year to improve their learning experience and outcomes. With anytime, anywhere access and built-in tools like highlighters, flashcards, and study groups, it’s easy to see why so many students are going digital with Bookshelf. titles available from more than 1,000 publishers. customer reviews with an average rating of 9.5. digital pages viewed over the past 12 months. institutions using Bookshelf across 241 countries. Today I Am a Ma'am and Other Musings On Life, Beauty, and Growing Older by Valerie Harper; Catherine Whitney and Publisher Dey Street Books. Save up to 80% by choosing the eTextbook option for ISBN: 9780062326348, 0062326341. The print version of this textbook is ISBN: 9780060199296, 0060199296. Today I Am a Ma'am and Other Musings On Life, Beauty, and Growing Older by Valerie Harper; Catherine Whitney and Publisher Dey Street Books. Save up to 80% by choosing the eTextbook option for ISBN: 9780062326348, 0062326341. The print version of this textbook is ISBN: 9780060199296, 0060199296. Valerie Harper, Beloved TV Icon, Dies at 80, After a Long Battle With Cancer. Valerie Harper, who played one of TV’s most popular and enduring characters — the constantly dating, constantly dieting Rhoda Morgenstern — for nearly a decade starting in 1970, has died, PEOPLE confirms. She was 80. Harper’s daughter Cristina Harper Cacciotti spoke out about her mother’s death on behalf of her father Tony Cacciotti on Twitter writing, “My dad has asked me to pass on this message: ‘My beautiful caring wife of nearly 40 years has passed away at 10:06 a.m., after years of fighting cancer.'” “She will never, ever be forgotten. Rest in Peace, mia Valeria. — Anthony.” Harper had been battling a number of health issues over the past few years, including leptomeningeal carcinomatosis, lung cancer and brain cancer. On July 8, a family friend set up a GoFundMe page titled “The Valerie Harper Cancer Support Fund” in order to assist Harper with her daily “unrelenting medical costs” so that she would receive “the best care possible.” Within the first week, the campaign had raised over $40,000 from friends, family and many of Harper’s beloved fans. Identifiable Character. Once she debuted as the kooky neighbor from New York on The Mary Tyler Moore Show in 1970, Harper liked to say, “People identify with Rhoda because she’s a loser” — a claim that the actress would soon have to deny. Though the CBS Saturday night sitcom was not a ratings hit its first season, Harper took home the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress. After that, the show remained solidly in the top 10 for years, and Harper won two more supporting actress awards. From that success came the 1974–78 spin-off Rhoda and a Best Actress Emmy. When Rhoda got married, on October 28, 1974, the special hour-long episode shattered ratings records with 52 million viewers — more than half of America’s entire viewing audience. Wanted to Be a Dancer. Valerie Harper was born in Rockland County, New York in the town of Suffern to parents Iva and Donald. Her mom was a nurse, while her dad was a lighting salesman who traveled the country, taking his family with him. By the age of 13, Harper had lived in New Jersey, California, Michigan and Oregon. Simultaneously taking ballet and attending Manhattan’s School for Young Professionals, Harper debuted professionally at age 16 as part of the Corps de Ballet at Radio City Music Hall, where, at 5 ft., 6 in., she said that she felt “like a klutz next to those other skinny girls.” Hoping to graduate from the chorus, where she danced in such Broadway shows as 1960’s Lucille Ball musical Wildcat , Harper seriously plunged into acting lessons, though it was her comedic skills that got her into Chicago’s Second City Theater. Valerie Harper Biography (1940-) Born August 22, 1940, in Suffern, NY; daughter of Howard (a sales executive)and Iva (a nurse; maiden name, McConnell) Harper; married Richard Schaal (anactor and writer), c. 1964 (divorced, 1978); married Tony Cacciotti (a producer, personal trainer, and restaurateur), 1987; children: (second marriage) Cristina. Nationality American Gender Female Occupation Actress, dancer, singer, writer Birth Details August 22, 1940 Suffern, New York, United States. Famous Works. CREDITS Television Appearances Series Rhoda Morgenstern, The Mary Tyler Moore Show (also known as Mary Tyler Moore ), CBS, 1970- 1974 Rhoda Morgenstern Gerard, Rhoda, CBS, 1974-1978 Valerie Hogan, Valerie (also known as Valerie's Family ), NBC, 1986-1987 Liz Gianni, City, CBS, 1990 Rita Stone, The Office, CBS, 1995 Voice of female master of ceremonies, student, and member of dream crowdfor English version, Generator Gawl (animated), [Japan], beginning 1998 Miniseries Herself, CBS: On the Air, CBS, 1978 Movies Ann Menzente, Thursday's Game (also known as The Berk ), ABC, 1974 Carol Turner, Night Terror, NBC, 1977 Carol Hefferman, Fun and Games, ABC, 1980 Maggie, The Shadow Box, ABC, 1980 Norma Danner, The Day the Loving Stopped, ABC, 1981 Laura Hogan, Don't Go To Sleep, ABC, 1982 Kate Bianchi, An Invasion of Privacy, CBS, 1983 Hannah Epstein, The Execution, NBC, 1985 Lynn Glover, Strange Voices, NBC, 1987 Nora Cromwell, Drop-Out Mother (also known as Goodbye, Supermom ), CBS, 1988 Rachel Yoman, The People across the Lake, NBC, 1988 Katherine Slade, Stolen: One Husband (also known as I Want HimBack! ), CBS, 1990 Dyan Draper, Perry Mason: The Case of the Fatal Fashion, NBC, 1991 Mrs. Delvecchio, A Friend to Die For (also known as Death of aCheerleader ), NBC, 1994 Grace Venessi, The Great Mom Swap, NBC, 1995 Voice of chicken, Dog's Best Friend, The Family Channel, 1997 Rhoda Morgenstern Gerard Rousseau, Mary and Rhoda, ABC, 2000 Claire, Dancing at the Harvest Moon, CBS, 2002 Specials Wife, "Double Trouble," The Trouble with People, NBC, 1972 The Shape of Things, CBS, 1973 Guest, John Denver's Rocky Mountain Christmas, ABC, 1975 John Denver and the Ladies, ABC, 1978 The Sensational, Shocking, Wonderful, Wacky '70s, NBC, 1980 Cohost, The Candid Camera Special, NBC, 1981 I Love Liberty, ABC, 1982 Night of 100 Stars (also known as Night of One Hundred Stars ), ABC, 1982 The Kennedy Center Honors: A Celebration of the Performing Arts, CBS, 1986 NBC's 60th Anniversary Celebration, NBC, 1986 The Television Academy Hall of Fame, NBC, 1986 Sex Symbols: Past, Present and Future, syndicated, 1987 This Is Your Life, NBC, 1987 Host, Child Abuse: Innocence on Trial, Lifetime, 1988 Hanna-Barbera's 50th: A Yabba Dabba Doo Celebration, TNT, 1989 Host, A Festival at Ford's Theatre: The Stars Salute the President, TBS, 1990 CBS Comedy Bloopers, CBS, 1990 Happy Birthday, Bugs: 50 Looney Years, CBS, 1990 Mary Tyler Moore: The 20th Anniversary Show, CBS, 1991 What about Me? I'm Only 3!, CBS, 1992 The Poetry Hall of Fame, 1993 Scott Ross Street Talk, The Family Channel, 1993 The Second Annual Comedy Hall of Fame, NBC, 1994 The 69th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, NBC, 1995 The Mary Tyler Moore Reunion, CBS, 2002 CBS at 75, CBS, 2003 Also appeared in the special Edna St. Vincent Millay. Awards Presentations Presenter, The 13th Annual People's Choice Awards, CBS, 1987 Host, The 16th Annual People's Choice Awards, CBS, 1990 The Fourth Annual American Comedy Awards, ABC, 1990 The Walt Disney Company Presents the American Teacher Awards, TheDisney Channel, 1990.