Volume 6 Issue 1 Conscious, holistic approaches to end of life

Your Pet's Final Pawprint

Pet Loss: A Childhood Rite of Passage

The Art of Dying: What Animals Teach Us Pets and Pet Home

www.naturaltransitions.org Transform your views of death and reframe your relationship to living and dying Honoring Life’s Final Passage A three-level certificate program in Midwifery and Home Guidance with Jerrigrace Lyons & guest instructors Levels 1 and 2 November 3-6, 2017 Sebastopol, CA Please check our website for updates.

For individuals, caregivers and professionals: Final Passages’ Sonoma County retreat-style workshops offer an atmosphere of intimacy, support and full immersion as we explore these teachings and much more:

CEUs available for Nursing Board licensees.

Jerrigrace Lyons, Founding Director of Final Passages, is a trailblazer in the new field of guidance. Since 1995 she has trained hundreds of students in a sacred approach to conscious dying, natural death care and family-centered funerals. Many of her graduates are now leaders in the home funeral movement. Jerrigrace is one of the founders of the National Home Funeral Alliance and now an emeritus board member. She is featured in the acclaimed PBS documentary “A Family Undertaking.” INSIDE THIS ISSUE Natural Transitions Magazine | Volume 6, Issue 1

departments features 5 editorial Pet Loss: A Childhood Rite of Passage 4 Pet Death in a Human World by Cook Rodgers by Karen van Vuuren 8 Trotting Lightly at the End: Our Pets' Final in spirit Paw Prints by Mary Reilly-McNellan 20 A Buddhist Funeral for Our Velcro Cat by Colleen Busch 12 The Art of Dying: What Animals Teach Us by Gail Pope media 15 28 The Natural Guide On Film: Dino the Doberman's Home by Mary Reilly-McNellan Funeral by Rich Matkins 18 last words Aiko's Releasing Blanket and Encoffinment 43 We Give Thanks for the Animals Ceremony by Kateyanne Unullisi by Gary Kowalski Magellan 22 Watercolor by Christine Pateros Embracing Death's Journey with Our Animals by Ella Bittel 24 Making Sense of How Our Pets Die: Reflections of an Animal Communicator by JoLee Wingerson last words: Christine Pateros is an artist, shamanic practitioner, teacher, and writer. She paints your 29 loved one's soul, your soul's journey Our Pet's Funeral Pyre by David Ford and its highest destiny, its retrieval, and your spirit or animal guides. She works worldwide, remotely and 30 in-person to create art and provide 6th Annual NHFA Conference: Stepping shamanic services. She resides in Boulder, CO, and Chicago, IL. ChristinaPateros.com Whispering-stones.com It up a Notch by Lee Webster 32 How Writing Healed My Heart by Gin Mackey 36 Tomorrow Never Knows by Darci Meyers

on the cover: Cook Rodgers and Ringo kiss.

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 3 editorial Animal Death in a Human World by Karen van Vuuren

Until recently, my experience of pet In speaking with the vet a few days after death was limited. I had witnessed the Celia’s passing, he confessed, “It’s never demise of two very and one moderately easy for me to euthanize an animal. short-lived hamsters which probably I always ask myself, every time, do I gorged themselves to death on a feast of have the right to take this life?” Yet this nasty red synthetic carpet, a diseased vet had often cared for these creatures guppy I netted from a polluted London throughout their lives, so their owners canal, and a handful of baby sparrows, felt comfortable and safe with him. He which plopped from a nest onto our did what he had to do in the gentlest house roof. My childhood companion way possible. But it weighed on him. and sanity-saver, Mitzy the cat, survived He’d euthanized thousands of creatures. many years on our busy street only to “Can you imagine that?” he asked. meet her end in our driveway under I admit, I couldn’t. the wheel of a visitor’s car. When it happened, I was a young adult living In this issue of NTM, we share opinions away from home, so I mourned her about euthanization and hospice for departure from afar. our pets and highlight the ways we let them go. We hear from pioneering As I was receiving the most amazing holistic veterinarians, animal sanctuary array of pet memorialization and founders, and others who all raise home funeral photos for this issue, a important questions: How much do we friend asked me if I would attend the anthropomorphize our pets and their euthanization of her cat. It turned out to suffering? Do we really understand be my most intense deathbed experience animal behavior? Do we equate it with with any being, including humans. Many the human being’s response to illness, pet owners admit that their animals are infused with our emotions and fears? like their children. That was how Celia Is a pet that has lived so closely with the cat was to Carolyn. Those gathered humans in a different category to an in the room shared their emotions as animal in the wild whose suffering the kindly vet explained the procedure. ends in the jaws of a predator? When Everyone there had suffered a painful we can end their suffering, shouldn’t loss. One woman’s husband had ended we do that? What is our role and his own life the year before. Carolyn’s responsibility to these loyal companions husband had died as a young man, who have given us so much? I imagine three weeks after their marriage. There that for most of us, what we choose for was intense during the process of our pets is probably what we would sending this glossy-coated but terminally choose for ourselves. And the choices are ill creature on its way out of this life. just as difficult.

our vision • Acceptance of death, loss, and grief as a natural part of life our mission • To share holistic approaches to end of life Published biannually by Natural Transitions • To provide a forum for end-of-life caregivers and a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization educators executive editor Karen van Vuuren 780 Quince Circle Boulder, CO 80304 assistant to the editor Mary Reilly-McNellan [720) 432-2296 copy editor / proofreader Margaret Pevec [email protected] http://naturaltransitions.org design Sean Doyle doylegraphics.com © 2011 Natural Transitions Magazine layout Ann Erwin Opinions expressed in Natural Transitions Magazine illustrator Christina Lewis are not necessarily those of Natural Transitions or its Board members. advertising director Marcie Cole [email protected]

4 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org Pet Loss: A Childhood Rite of Passage by Cook Rodgers

The simple cross, crafted of two small A pet may provide the first exposure what it means to die. A child knows that pieces of wood, had the letters SUF involving an emotional attachment death is different from life, but doesn’t printed on it in a child’s scrawl. Our that a child will have involving serious understand that it is permanent. Often 10-year-old son told us it stood for illness, injury, the natural aging process, a child will show a curiosity about the “Skinny Used to be Fat.” My husband or the finality of death. Frequently, it is a physical processes of death. Emotions and I had just helped our beloved cat child’s first experience with the loss of a may or may not be expressed, but a child Buffington Electric Buffalo Limited, loved one. The pet is usually part of their will be affected by the emotions of other otherwise known as Buffy, cross the everyday lives. My kindergarten teacher family members. threshold. We decided that the best friend says that if you listen carefully thing would be to give our son and his to the words that children express Around the age of seven, a child begins younger brother a meaningful task to about the death of a pet or that of a to understand the finality of death. This help with her burial, and they decided grandparent, they are the same. A child’s will bring new thoughts and questions. to head for the wood shop to make some grief reaction may not be as intense to Some of them may be fearful. When a crosses. They were not present for the the death of a pet as it would be for the child is old enough to realize that a loved but helped us prepare Buffy’s death of a person, but sometimes it is. pet will never return, he or she will body for burial in our backyard under experience true grief. a favorite bush and lower her into the By the age of nine or ten, a child begins ground. Amid tears, goodbyes and thank to understand death more in the same yous, we covered her body with and Children's Grief way that an adult does—that it is planted the wooden cross, and the boys Each child is unique. How any one child inevitable and will happen to every gathered flowers to place on her . will react to a pet’s death is dependent on the following factors: living being. This may cause feelings of We made the decisions around Buffy’s insecurity as a child thinks about his or death one at a time, taking into full Individual temperament and the her own death or the of parents consideration the children and their child’s relationship with the pet. If or close family members. feelings. Our grief was also present. a child has formed a deep attachment, She was, after all, one of our animal he or she will grieve the loss of a “children” before the human ones joined beloved friend. Some children have a How Children Grieve us. Buffy had been a vital member of our strong connection to the animal world. In many ways, a child’s grief reaction family from the time she came to us as Sometimes they confide their inner to the loss of a beloved person or pet a tiny kitten, and her sweet and loving thoughts, fears and dreams to their is similar to an adult’s. He or she may personality had grown as long as her animal companion as I did to my Boston cry and show sadness, act depressed name. She was a great source of joy for terrier, Sergeant, when the chaos of my or withdrawn, or seek comfort from our family for 17 years, and it was hard large family became too much for me. others. But children also process death to let her go. But we knew it was time. The circumstances of the death. If in ways that are different from adults. When the time comes that we must it was prolonged, sudden, or if the child Sometimes they think that death is make decisions around end-of-life care was present or involved. caused by doing something bad. A for our beloved pets it is important to child may blame herself for the death Other circumstances in a child’s consider the children: their emotions, because she forgot to feed the pet one family life. Major stresses or changes their fears, their very tender places; day or let it run without its leash. A child like moving, or other loss. helping them confide in adults and may also become angry at parents or a veterinarian because she thinks that openly grieve without embarrassment Gender. Boys may hold more of their adults have the power to prevent death. and shame. While each child is an grief inside; at least traditionally this is individual who will react to the death what has been asked of them. We can Most children will work through their of a pet in his or her own way, it can hope that this is changing. grief very easily, with a few tears and be helpful for the adults to have some some expressed sadness. But because guidelines, especially when we are Age. A child views the processes their feelings are often reflected in their dealing with our own grief. of death differently at different behavior rather than words, sometimes developmental stages. Under the age there are challenges, which a parent of five there is little understanding of

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 5 may not immediately connect with the should be encouraged and answered this choice to the best of our ability on loss. Feelings about the loss of a pet may in simple terms for the very young and behalf of the pet. Some veterinarians cause regression in behavior: becoming in more depth for the child who has a use the term “helping to die” in lieu of fearful and clinging to adults, having deeper level of understanding. We can “putting to sleep” when young children nightmares or problems sleeping. A help a young child process his thoughts are involved. Even though a child child may also act out anger, with some and feelings through play and using will not have responsibility for the aggression toward people or property. toys, drawing pictures, or telling a story. final decision, it is important that his Sometimes it may be hard to focus on feelings be considered. Understanding school and homework, so it is important Knowing your own feelings will make that painless euthanasia has become to alert teachers and other adults about it easier to reach out to your child in an necessary because of the suffering of the the loss of their pet. appropriate and sympathetic way. pet is important. In some circumstances, it may be better to keep the discussion A first inclination is often to wish to and decision from the child and give shelter a child from the truth of a pet’s him the comfort that trusted adults are Length of Grief death. We may feel that a child is too in charge. It is characteristic of young children young to understand what is happening. to show grief for very short periods of But even if a child’s processing is Should a child be present for euthanasia? time, interspersing these periods in the different, it is important to be truthful. If he has had a close relationship normal activities of playing and living. with the pet, has been helping to care The Right Words. Use correct but Over time, a child’s grief reactions for the pet, and the situation feels simple terms when talking to a child should start to lessen as he or she age-appropriate, then you should about death. Young children take words begins to turn attention to other things. consider his choice to be present. Prior very literally. If you tell a child that Symptoms of grief may continue to preparation from both you and the the pet “went on a trip,” “was lost,” or surface for a long time after the loss of veterinarian is crucial. If a child chooses “is sleeping,” he may wait for the pet to a special pet, but they should diminish not to be present, then he should have come back, go looking for the pet, or be over time and eventually disappear. the opportunity to say goodbye to the afraid to go to sleep. It is very appropriate Sometimes when a child hits the pet, and see and touch, if desired, the to talk about the finality of death and challenges of a new developmental stage, body after the death. This leaves no the sadness of a pet’s death even to a very memories will be reprocessed with a question in a child’s mind as to whether young child. Sometimes we may need to new understanding. If grief lingers, it the death took place. may be necessary to discover if there are explain that death isn’t “catching” or that other underlying issues that could be dying has nothing to do with being good Celebrating a Pet’s Life. explored with the help of a professional or bad. One way to explain a pet’s death After a special pet dies, a memorial counselor. is that the pet was very, very old; very, acknowledges its importance in the lives very sick; or very, very hurt. of family members. The purpose is to help the family finalize the death and Children are naturally curious and gather personal memories. A service they will likely ask questions about the Role of the Parent could be a simple burial, or a scattering physical aspects of death, such as, “What A child will need loving and supportive of ashes with words or songs. A tree, will happen to his body in the ground?” attention. If you are also grieving, share a bush, or flowers could be planted. or “Won’t she get cold?” They can be it with her. She will be looking to you Perhaps the family would like to make answered simply. Usually if a child as her role model. Make sure your a contribution to an animal shelter in wants more information, he will ask. As child knows it is okay to grieve for a their pet’s name or prepare a clay or ink a child grows, his view of death matures loss, and never make it seem silly or paw print or take a hair clipping. What and more information can be processed. inappropriate. is important is for a child to actively Eventually he will be able to think and participate so that his relationship with talk about the medical and spiritual Openness and Honesty. If there the pet can be memorialized in some aspects of death. is an accident or the family pet becomes way that feels meaningful to him. seriously ill, be open and honest about Euthanasia - A Difficult your pet’s well-being. Hiding or avoiding Memories. Gradually, grief will be Decision. Often the difficult choice the facts will only cause confusion and replaced with special happy, sad, funny is given to a family whether or not to anxiety. Your explanations of what and fond memories. Creating a story “put a pet to sleep,” as it has traditionally is happening to your pet can best be or a poem about the death event itself, been referred to. We are asked to make guided by the child’s questions, which some special characteristics of the pet, 6 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org Cook Rodgers Ringo and children or a special shared activity between the one that has died. Waiting a while pet and child is helpful. My husband’s to replace a pet tells a child that life family started a tradition of finding a is valued and not easily replaceable. Cook Rodgers, MS, kitty or doggy star in the sky, so you Healing involves taking the time to let has a background in could always look up and find their star go, allowing the memories and emotions human development, to help answer the question, “Where do settle before turning love and attention family studies, and they go?” A photo book or a shadow box to a new living being. animal assisted is also a fine remembrance. therapy. She shares The last and a most precious gift our life with her partner, A New Pet. When is a child ready beloved pets give to our children is in Pete Rodgers, DVM, who has helped many to replace a pet? When she has worked their passing, providing an opportunity families make difficult end of life decisions through most of his or her grief and to bond as a family and share love and for their pets. They have eulogized a starting to move on with life—not connection with one another. How we multitude of their own beloved pets with before. It may be tempting for a parent approach pet loss with our children will their two sons, now grown, and have to replace the pet immediately for the set the stage for healthy grieving for all created a “grotto” on their land that is child’s sake, but if the child is still the other deaths and losses they will dedicated to their special companions. grieving, a new pet will unlikely bring experience throughout their lives. her out of it. If a pet is replaced too soon, it is possible that the child will react RESOURCES with anger or rejection. Acceptance of Colorado State University Veterinary the new pet may signify betrayal of Teaching Hospital, Argus Center for Pet Loss

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 7 Trotting Lightly at the End: Our Pets’ Final Paw Prints by Mary Reilly-McNellan

Many people may not recall their first nice guy”—although probably no relation communal . They are also day at school or their first scraped to Mickey Mouse, buried nearby. Ruby welcome to observe or participate in the knee, but nearly everyone remembers is remembered for her “Big Ears, Much process if they wish. the death of their first pet. My own Bigger Heart,” and Sparky, who “Left His inaugural experience with grief came at Pawprints All Over Our Hearts.” Because there have been unfortunate the age of nine, when I lost my beloved incidences of cremation fraud by a turtle, Patrick. He was one of those little It was a rough afternoon, to say the least. few unscrupulous pet crematories in red-eared slider turtles that were readily the past, Myers is meticulous about Towering over the cemetery are three available from dime stores in the early maintaining a transparent business smokestacks—telltale evidence of an 1960s, and he spent most of his short practice. “Each animal is identified and on-site crematory that reduces pet life in the standard plastic aquarium tracked with a metal disk “paw tag” that remains to bones. Cremation remains adorned with a small plastic palm tree. remains with it throughout the entire our country’s preferred method for He enjoyed an occasional romp on the cremation process,” he says. “I don’t want final disposition of our cherished carpet and eating raw hamburger. I families to wonder, ‘How do I know that animal companions, and hundreds of never knew what took him, but I do these ashes belonged to my pet?’” pet crematories exist today. I wanted remember my older brother’s attempts to learn more about the nuts and PennyLane does not offer on-site burial to soothe my tears after Patrick’s death. bolts of the business and was invited for individual pets, but does provide “He had a good life,” he gently reminded to visit PennyLane Pet Cremation clients with a small, engraved wooden me as we buried Patrick in a small metal Services in Mead, CO. Owner Chuck chest containing their animal’s ashes, container on the side of our house. I Myers graciously spent several hours along with a personalized pawprint often wished that I had inscribed those answering questions and showing made from sculpting clay. comforting words on a stone to mark me around the grounds that house the location of his final resting place. his family’s business, explaining the I suspect that my pet’s mummified operation and giving me an up-close and remains are still encased in the tiny “Fifty Shades of Green” personal look at the crematory. metal vault, perhaps to be uncovered one Although considered “greener” than day by an unsuspecting archeologist. Most animals come from area veterinary traditional burial practices, cremation practices, and remains are picked up Yes, we love our pets. They are still relies on fuels and releases night or day in the company’s “pet devoted companions who love us carbon dioxide, mercury, and other hearse”—a nondescript black truck unconditionally, cheer us when we are heavy metals into the atmosphere. with a covered cargo area. After sad, and shatter our hearts when they For this reason the Environmental being carefully tagged and recorded die. Nowhere is this more poignantly Protection Agency (EPA) strictly in log books to ensure identification palpable than at a pet cemetery, and I regulates the pet cremation business, throughout the cremation process, found myself frequently reaching for visiting up to three times per year to are kept in on-site freezers until Kleenex during a recent visit to the ensure that all requirements are met their placement in one of two furnaces. Denver Pet Cemetery in Commerce and emissions do not exceed national Natural gas heats the carcasses to a City, CO. This final resting place for standards. “PennyLane is way under the temperature of at least 1675 degrees our beloved animal companions was EPA requirements,” notes Myers. “Our for several hours (the time required established in 1939 “because they loved furnaces emit fewer emissions than a depends upon an animal’s weight), us,” as the entry sign affirms. Now in new Honda Accord hybrid car.” rendering remains to calcified bone. A considerable disrepair, the cemetery’s machine resembling a large coffee bean broken, overgrown markers add to Besides the potential emission issues, grinder then pulverizes the bones to the feeling of sorrow and heartache. A concentrated amounts of cremation “ashes,” which can be either returned to small, granite displays the ashes (cremains) can be detrimental to owners or commingled and buried with vandalized photo of a beloved Boston the environment. While we like to think a backhoe on the three-acre property. terrier named Jimmy, kitty-corner to the that scattering or burying cremains will Myers has cremated everything from grave of Timothy, an adored cockatiel. provide necessary fertilizer for a future and a 260-pound mastiff to a Another monument pays tribute to a pet tree or shrub, they may actually harm beta fish, and clients can opt for a private named Mike, informing us that “he was a sensitive . When a body— (one animal only) cremation or a group/ human or animal—is reduced to ash,

8 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org all water is removed. This significantly raises the pH of the cremains, effectively preventing the release of any beneficial nutrients to the soil. In addition, sodium (salt) is concentrated to levels that are toxic to plant life and prevent seed germination. Because they may damage or modify local ecosystems, some public areas have limited or even prohibit the practice of scattering remains. Denver Pet Cemetery’s website, however, still advertises a “Top of the World” ceremony, in which pet cremains can be scattered on the sensitive mountain tundra atop Loveland Pass, west of Denver.

To understand and help mitigate the negative effects of cremains on the environment, Bob Jenkins established Ellen Macdonald Verde Products, Inc., in 2009. VPI has Lula burying her pet cat at Eloise Woods developed a soil amendment product called Let Your Love Grow (or LYLG) to optimize the natural themselves, to make the that A “Purrfect” End process, and several natural would help to decompose the bodies,” he says. have effectively used it in the US to date. The bond between pet and owner “Cremation strips away the bacteria LYLG has been endorsed by several is often stronger than that between that naturally exist in the body,” says grounds in the US, family members, notes Coleen Ellis, Jenkins. “Our product is an organic including Ramsey Creek Preserve, the owner of Two Hearts Pet Loss Center. compost mixture designed to blend with first green cemetery in the United States. Following the death of her schnauzer the cremated ashes to lower the pH and “Bob Jenkins has done a great job,” says in 2004, Coleen opened Pet Angel dilute the sodium.” Kimberly Campbell, who opened the Memorial Center, Inc., the nation’s first stand-alone funeral home exclusively Some companies will blend a small Westminster, SC, burial ground in 1998 for pets. She later founded Two Hearts portion of cremains with a planting with her physician husband, Dr. Billy Pet Loss Center, and co-chairs the Pet mix that contains pet-friendly flower Campbell. “We know that ashes can Loss Professionals Alliance (PLPA) seeds, or perhaps a tree. This is a trendy change the pH of the soil, and we have and International Association for idea that can be problematic—often used LYLG at Ramsey Creek Preserve Animal Hospice and Palliative Care. the seeds or plant material are not for human .” Ramsey Creek Ellis estimates that she has helped over native to the area, and may introduce Preserve has always permitted animals 60,000 customers deal with the loss invasive species that can change the to be buried at the site, she says, either of their “babies,” as she likes to call her dynamics of an entire . Native with their “families” or in a separate charges. “Whoever I work with,” she says, species are well adapted to the local pet section. Campbell estimates 50 pets “I want them to be able to say, ‘The end climate and environmental conditions, are buried on the property, including was perfect.’” and often require fewer resources and one good-sized . “We usually use an ‘Alabama backhoe’ (a shovel) for less water. An avid gardener, Jenkins A perfect end is not always inexpensive digging the of smaller pets,” says hopes to eventually teach cemeteries or environmentally friendly, however. Campbell. “The required a to make their own native compost for The sky is the limit when it comes to real backhoe.” natural burials. “Everything would laying Fido or Fluffy to rest, and pet come out of the local community, such hospices, funeral homes, and cemeteries as leaf clippings from the cemeteries have all become a lucrative part of a www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 9 consumers are wanting more parcel in 2010 specifically for green eco-friendly choices.” These burials, naming it after her grandmother, might include such practices Eloise Brown Sutin. as opting for a biodegradable casket or natural-fiber Eloise Woods has no electricity, running shroud, non-toxic paints water, plumbing, or restrooms, but or dyes for decoration, offers 15 trails that lead visitors through avoiding harmful fertilizers, serene, wooded grounds that contain pesticides, and herbicides, the remains of 156 animals and 132 and using a simple native people. Unlike most other cemeteries, it is permissible to bury pet owners Ellen Macdonald stone as a memorial. Greene says he has received lots and pets together in one plot at Eloise of interest about green, Woods, and burials are only allowed conservation pet cemeteries. where they will not degrade the land. “A conservation cemetery is Although backhoes may be used in the not only about finding less gravel/sandy loam soil, some families have opted to tackle the difficult task Allie burying her cat, Marley, at Eloise Woods environmentally damaging ways to dispose of bodies,” he of hand-digging graves themselves. thriving pet industry that earns nearly says, “but also a way of connecting with Quilts, canvas slings, or ropes are used $61 billion annually. While cremation the earth, connecting with our heritage, to gently lower bodies into 3 to 3.5 foot remains the preferred disposition our past, our families, our community. deep graves—an optimal depth for method by most clients, pet viewings And, of course, connecting with our soil microorganisms and bacteria to are becoming more popular, and can animals.” effectively break down tissue. One 5’ by cost as much as $12,000. is 10’ (adult-sized) plot can be purchased not customary, but professionals will for $2250, and may be used for as many clean and position the bodies and trim ”All Creatures Great humans/pets as can be accommodated— nails, and companies often offer a full so long as a one foot buffer remains line of caskets and markers for burial. and Small, Eloise Woods between plots and between the There are hundreds of memorializing Welcomes Them All” individual graves within each plot. “If options, from paw/nose print charms to 5000 gerbils will fit, it is okay,” says ashes made into diamonds, and of Ellen Macdonald laughs when she refers Macdonald. Smaller, less expensive plots nearly every description. “It is all about to herself as the “owner/queen” of Eloise are available for cremains, large dogs personalization for clients,” says Ellis. Woods Community Natural Burial (over 20 pounds), or more diminutive Unfortunately, when non-biodegradable Park, a green cemetery located ten miles pets, and every burial is documented “personalizations” are interred with east of Austin, pets, they may taint the ground forever— Texas. “I consider much like the metal canister that myself the queen contains my beloved Patrick. and guardian of the property,” While there is clearly no lack of burial she says. “I want accoutrements available for deceased to provide an pets, more and more families are opting option for a to lessen their pet’s carbon pawprint by simple, affordable, choosing natural burial for their animal natural return companions. Eric Greene founded the to the earth, and Green Pet-Burial Society in 2010 and to ensure that it estimates over 500 commercial pet remains a natural cemeteries now exist in the US—with setting, (the land) most favoring underground entombment is subject to my in styrene plastic caskets—rather than rules.” Macdonald a green burial. “Unfortunately, profit is purchased the still the bottom line,” says Greene. “But nearly 10-acre

10 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org using GPS coordinates. Grave markers or Ebola, almost any disease dies with are not required at the natural burial its host.” ground, although families may opt for a Mary Reilly-McNellan flat, natural stone smaller than two feet. Macdonald recalled one particularly has been a volunteer Macdonald engraves the stones herself. sad incident that occurred two years ago editorial assistant with while a man was walking his dog near a NTM for the past four Many families have opted to scatter, waterfall in a Texas park. The dog went years. Her interest pour, or spread cremains on the property, for a swim, got caught in a whirlpool in environmental or they may bury pets in a separate beneath the falls, and was submerged conservation has led to a new-found “Rainbow Bridge Garden” if desired. underwater. The owner jumped into the passion for promoting green burial, and Macdonald has also buried animal swirling waters to rescue his pet, and she is currently working with a local team cremains mixed with Bob Jenkins’ both drowned. They are buried together of volunteers to bring this sustainable “Let Your Love Grow” soil amendment in a plot at Eloise Woods, united in tradition to Boulder. product. “I think it won’t hurt but will death. help,” she says.

When asked about the possibility of remains being dug up by scavengers, Yes, our pets do indeed leave their Macdonald explained, “Some graves may pawprints all over our hearts. By have been pawed at by an armadillo, selecting greener after-death options but animals have generally not been for furry companions, however, we an issue. If they can’t smell something can take solace in knowing that they enticing, they won’t dig it up. And we trotted lightly on the planet. And while have special ‘critter ridder’ powders sadness is inevitable when we lose a containing natural elements that we cherished pet, it helps to remember can put around the grave site to cover words attributed to Winnie the Pooh: decomposition odors.” When visitors “How lucky I am to have something that have expressed concerns about the makes saying goodbye so hard.” possible spread of disease from burials, Macdonald is quick to point out that a dead body is typically quite safe. “Nothing about our bodies is harmful to the environment,” she says. “With the exception of such pathogens like cholera Mary Reilly-McNellan Mary Marker at Eloise Woods Sparky's grave marker at Denver Pet Cemetery

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 11 The Art of Dying: What Animals Teach Us by Gail Pope

Founded in 1990, BrightHaven for humans, the stages of finishing life If you had asked my mother what (brighthaven.org) is a nonprofit animal with awareness, preparation, and full dignity in dying meant for her, she welfare organization providing rescue, choice are important to animals. would have answered that it would be hospice, and holistic education, with to die in her own time, in her home with an emphasis on senior, disabled, and Animal communicators often mention loved ones by her side. Nothing was said chronically ill animals. BrightHaven that animals share how every minute about how pain would diminish this provides leadership in the development spent with their beloved people is so dignity. In fact, during the final days of and application of animal hospice and precious; they would not wish to deprive her life she remained adamant that she its philosophy of care. Founders Gail themselves of such moments even felt no pain. and Richard Pope have supported over though they may experience some pain. 600 animals through hospice and the Pain is of lesser importance to animals, I know that I am in the minority in dying process. They foster respect and as they do not suffer emotionally with putting forth the concept that animals awareness for animals as sentient beings it, but have learned to surrender to it. (with some exceptions, of course) are not and promote an understanding of death Perhaps the struggle and misery of pain only prepared to face their own natural as a natural part of life. is something that is uniquely human death, they actually prefer it. This and separates us from the animals. concept was given to me over and over The death of a beloved animal again by our animals and by my dear companion is one of the most difficult We know that animals come to us to friend Vicki Allinson, a wonderfully things we as animal lovers ever face. teach us life lessons, and I’ve learned talented communicator who became my In my experience, sometimes this loss that many of these lessons come in their close ally and guide in BrightHaven’s is more difficult than that of a human final days. In various sporting events, early days. Vicki often said, “As we family member due to the unconditional the last few minutes before the buzzer look at approaching animal health in a love that animals bring into our lives. It often reveal the best of the players and holistic way, we might wish to extend is hard to replace the love that is given so these “last quarter” efforts oftentimes that definition to the animal’s whole life.” freely by beings whose whole purpose define an athlete’s career. The final days is to make us the center of their lives of an animal’s life may be defining and Many animals telepathically tell and to teach us about all aspects of life, profound in much the same way. their human companions or animal including death. communicator that it is time to let them By savoring death in all its wisdom, go. Maybe this speaks mostly to the Animals likely view us as the we learn about living. It is in the final necessity of the person to emotionally inhabitants on this planet most out of moments of life that small miracles can detach and give the animal permission sync with the profound wisdom and happen, thereby changing lives forever. to leave. Humans seem to carry out this subtle rhythms of nature. The fact A paw raised to your cheek by one who message of detachment by transporting that they love us so deeply, despite our has not moved for days; a lick of your the sick animal to their least favorite difficulties with natural law, speaks hand from one who appears to have place (the vet’s office) or by allowing a volumes about their devotion to help us faded from the physical world: these are stranger (the vet) into their home, just become more aware. sacred vignettes that illuminate the truly at the time when their animal is most important aspects of living life well, all intimately involved with their loved Animals approach the end of their lives the way to its end. ones and with spirit. with the same wisdom and grace with which they live. They are conscious of Nobody is comfortable with euthanizing My concern with the idea that an animal the value of all stages of life and excel an animal, let alone allowing an animal must be euthanized is that it teaches in the ability to live in the moment and to die naturally in his or her own time. our children and ourselves that if we find the sacredness in all experiences. Animals do, however, have an incredible are afraid of something, we should just Above all else, animals desire to show ability to show us that they are not end it so we don’t have to face our fear. If us the true definition of dignity in the afraid of death, and they teach us how a person does decide to let their animal death experience by embracing its to embrace the process with grace and die naturally, albeit hospice assisted, sweetness and all of the days leading dignity. Death is a slow and gradual they often face incredible opposition up to it. Just as preparing for a trip process. It is also an orderly progression from people who were previously and packing are very important and perfectly designed by Mother Nature, very supportive. Well-meaning enjoyable parts of the travel experience much as the process of birth in reverse. veterinarians—who are also trying to

12 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org deal with death in an awkward human way—can reinforce this unfortunate situation, perhaps not understanding that death is, in fact, an entire process.

My understanding is that animals do not view euthanasia as a terrible thing and do not judge their beloved people for doing it. They just see a missed opportunity for what they know to be a sacred time ripe with many blessings and wisdom. As death approaches, animals are closer to spirit than they have ever been and are so very happy to share this experience with us. It may be that being together in love with one’s beloved is the most important thing.

Of all the people I have counseled who have savored the last natural moments of their animals’ lives, none has voiced regrets nor do these individuals usually require ongoing counseling to resolve their feelings. They let go with love Courtesy BrightHaven and move smoothly and meaningfully Pepper and Oliver through the grieving process and the celebration of that life. Maybe this is » When you’re worried about pain and » Eliminate panic from your mind. Have what our animal friends wish for us as suffering, look again to the human world faith in animals’ ability to be in charge it allows them to leave, free of difficult of hospice where pain or perceived of their own dying process. See them as emotional attachments, and complete in suffering can be addressed in many the wise spiritual beings that they are the knowledge that they have served and ways, embracing both Eastern and and defer to this wisdom. taught us well. Western philosophies. » Attend to their needs with an open » Avoid being swayed by a prognosis. heart. If you need to nurse your animal, Many animals and humans defy these do so with the attitude of a good Here are some tips for allowing predictions and live remarkably long restaurant waiter: “I am only here to your animals to pass naturally and lives after entering hospice care. As serve.” Do not hover, fret, or try to make peacefully: Bernie Siegal once said, “When the things different than they are. spirit rises, all bets are off.” I have seen (These guidelines are written with the many no-hopers become miracle stories. » Offer the foods they love; be assumption that you are consulting (Bernie Siegel, MD is an internationally understanding if they don’t eat. Ask for with your veterinarian, and they are recognized expert in the field of cancer advice from someone experienced in not intended as medical advice. Any treatment and complementary, holistic feeding a sick animal. sign of pain in your animal should medicine.) » Embrace the understanding of being be immediately addressed with your an anam cara, or soul friend. In this veterinarian.) » Resist judging quality of life, as this interpretation is based on determining instance, an anam cara becomes a » Consider educating yourself about the best time to end a life. You can midwife to the dying. human hospice care as it is akin to provide real quality of life by being » Sing them their favorite songs, tell animal hospice care and is all about a companion on the journey with no them about all the wonderful things living life all the way to its natural assumptions and by simply offering the they’ve taught you, and let them know ending. very best possible care. www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 13 what things they’ve done to make you » Steer clear of people who are feel special. Share with them what you’ll judgmental of your decision to let your remember and treasure about them animal die a natural death. Instead when they’ve gone. bless them silently and know that their attitude comes from their own fear of » Consider employing a classical facing death. veterinary homeopath to guide you BrightHaven Courtesy Gail Pope and Joey through this journey and recommend an » Understand that animals are in control appropriate homeopathic kit, ready for of when they die, and they will die the last stages of life, so you’ll have the with you if that is what they choose. Gail Pope is co-founder and president of right remedy on hand in case of need. Sometimes they decide to slip off when BrightHaven in California, and for nearly they are alone. » Consider also the gentle support 30 years she has helped senior and special of animal Reiki, flower essences, » Consider consulting with an animal needs animals on a journey of holistic aromatherapy, sound therapy, and other communicator or other type of healing, all the way through hospice care energy healing modalities. counselor who can assist you in staying and transition. Gail has an international in a balanced and loving state so that consultation practice and is contacted » Check with your veterinarian you can make room for little miracles by many vets and animal caregivers regarding subcutaneous fluids, as and meaning in the dying experience. regarding BrightHaven’s natural methods they can be soothing to the body and protocols. She is also the author of five during hospice. (Your veterinarian or a » Know that the absolutely most books (available on Amazon) that address veterinary technician can teach you how important thing is to love your dying various aspects of caring for older animals to administer these fluids.) animals deeply and gently, to respect and animal hospice. their decisions, and allow them the brighthaven.org » Acquaint yourself with the stages pleasure of entering the light from the of the dying process by learning from comfort of your arms. someone who has been through it. Many veterinarians have never experienced If you go through this process with the natural death of an animal and are courage and grace, I promise that you unaware of the signs. Recommendation will no longer fear death, and your for euthanasia can sometimes come perspective on life will be forever days, weeks, or even years before natural changed to one of acceptance and peace. death occurs. What greater legacy can our animals leave us? » Refrain from forcing medications and supplements on your pet as a last ditch effort to save them. This may induce stress and give the impression you think their decision to pass on is not a valid one. » Stick with your normal schedule as Bright Haven Sanctuary much as possible as it is familiar and After saving animals from desperate situations since comforting. They are happy that you 1990, BrightHaven’s sanctuary is now in dire need. are continuing with your life. Take time BrightHaven has launched a fundraising campaign to away for yourself and give them quiet keep the doors of this unique 27-year-old animal safe time alone, too. haven open at http://bit.ly/bright-sos » If you hear yourself saying, “I can’t stand to see them this way!” remind yourself that this event is not about you, it is about them and their life.

14 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org On Film Dino the Doberman’s Home Funeral by Rich Matkins

Everyone loves dog videos on Facebook, Shortly after Dino was buried, I was Our house felt so empty without him. right? What a great distraction they are. encouraged to create a five-minute film With a big, slow-growing, cancerous Recently I watched the most amazing to be shown at a local Portland theater belly tumor, we knew every day with video of a dog doing endless dog tasks I that featured a monthly film on death. him was a gift. If Dino wanted a $3 thought were impossible! And I thought Portland has a vibrant and progressive turkey neck from Hip Hound, his our dog was smart! Now this morning, community that is interested in these favorite pet shop on NW 23rd Avenue, a Facebook friend posted one entitled, topics. With Death Cafes being hosted we seemed to always give in. When I “Goodbye to My Owner” that had me throughout the city and a one-day tried to divert his attention from the sobbing uncontrollably, as yesterday conference on end-of-life, I knew knee-level bin filled with these dog marked the one-year anniversary of Dino’s message would have an impact. treats, other shoppers would offer Dino the Doberman’s passing. So, my husband Paul and I began the to purchase one for him! Dino knew process of editing 47 minutes of film. how to work it. His life was incredibly During my lifetime I’ve had several It was a painful yet healing project good right up to the end when he losses. Saying goodbye is not easy. After for us. Learning new editing software, was diagnosed with a severe case of Dino died, I read and spoke to many who we worked for days. We grieved as we idiopathic vestibular disease. admitted how the death of a beloved edited, watching and re-watching our animal triggered something difficult to little Dino’s story. This film project was The short “Dino the Doberman’s Home understand. Saying goodbye to Dino was all we focused on. Funeral” was completed in time for the much more difficult than the death of my beautiful 90-year-old mother, just nine months earlier. There. I said it.

We decided to have the vet come to the house to euthanize Dino. I realized this process should be a documentary; I needed to film Dino’s home funeral because if I can do this for my dog, why not for all human loved ones? I remembered all the beautiful death videos I watched during my Final Passages workshop training with Jerrigrace Lyons. I believed that by creating a short documentary film, my little Dino could help reconnect humans to attending to death at home.

Our ancestors held home funerals long before the corporate funeral industry made it their business. As a small boy growing up in Spencer, SD, I remember my deceased great- grandmother lying in honor in our living room. This seemed so natural. So, using my iPhone, I began filming with the assistance of friends and Johnny the grave digger at White Eagle Cemetery. I was intent on keeping Dino’s spirit alive and connecting people who saw the footage to this older, more natural way of caring for the dead.

Dino’s wake Rich Matkins

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 15 scheduled showing but never made it to seeking out cookies from 16 dog-loving buddy taught me to be in the moment the big screen. I never really understood businesses. We wanted to share the sad and to approach everyone openly. I’m why. At one time I envisioned a longer news that Dino was no longer with us. convinced that I’m going to be a better documentary as part of our healing We tried to hang out with Dino’s dog home funeral guide because of Dino. journey, but Paul was reluctant, saying friends, but it was too painful. Suddenly An old dog with new tricks is now on that attention spans are only 5 minutes Paul and I felt invisible on the streets YouTube and Facebook forever. and nobody would watch it. He was of Portland. We were now alone in our complete, yet I wasn’t. Today the short grieving. Even our pet-loving friends version of our loving memorial is posted didn’t know what to do or say. Once I Rich Matkins is a founding member of the on YouTube and Facebook. We still share was told, “Don’t grieve too much.” How End of Life Collaborative Care (EOLCC) the clip with dog-loving people we meet ridiculous! in Portland, OR. His passion for filming everywhere. I wanted Dino’s story and his essence to continues. He and his husband Paul Our grieving continued as we slowly educate humans about home funerals. launched a travel blog called Global Hotel returned to being a couple without a After all, I am a retired public school Guys, also on Facebook and YouTube. dog. We revisited Dino’s favorite self- teacher. Birth is embraced with gusto, guided routes. He had been a master at while death ... not so much. My best little

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16 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org For wholesale inquiries: Boston, MA: Ruth Faas [email protected] Asheville, NC: Carol Motley [email protected] (828) 407-0284 MourningDoveStudio.com Aiko's Releasing Blanket and Encoffinment Ceremony by Kateyanne Unullisi

Aiko was a Border Collie/Collie mix table. A table covered in books (probably her shroud. I knew that all the love I had born on Orcas Island, WA. My two little knitting books). And that Aiko had put into it would go into the ground with girls and I sat on a sunny hillside for deemed this an extreme wrongdoing… her. Here’s a note from my journal: weeks with her and her eight puppy why? I looked at it from her point of brothers and sisters, deciding which view, and then I realized that she knew “Outside, the men are digging a grave one would become ours. Their mother, a me better than I knew myself. Aiko for my dear Aiko. The men are crying as sweet and purebred Collie who looked knew that books were always in my they work, as good men will. But just a just like Lassie, lay nearby, glad for a hands, around me, on the walls. And in tear here and there. short break. dogland, taking something that belongs “They struck a drain, and so had to come to another could even result in death—it’s and get me to study the grave, which is Aiko (EYE ko) means ‘Beloved Girl’ in that big a misdeed. She wasn’t angry filling with water. We worked through Japanese. The real Japanese princess, or impatient with the puppy; she was every option and decided no matter Aiko, was born a few years after mine. teaching a strong, important lesson, where we put it, it will fill with water. Aiko was the dog of my life. She was based on knowing me and my love of wise, kind, silly, and always looking to books. “So that is what I face as I make all the head off trouble. Aiko would have let preparations, to finally lay her in the me know the minute one of my kids I was ashamed for having been harsh earth, in the water. I think I will have the fell down a well and dialed the phone with her. I promised her from that vet here next week. for help if I wasn’t home. Mostly, she moment, I would never scold her again assigned herself the never-ending duty (there simply was never a reason—ever). I “This morning I finished Aiko’s shroud. of keeping the house and surroundings would listen and watch and allow her to I plan to sleep on it too, over the next bug-free. Not until she was gone did be my teacher. She knew so much more week.” I have to take care to close doors and than I did. She was a better human than screens against flies, ants, and spiders. I will ever be. ¤ ¤ ¤

Aiko taught me how to be a human Many years later, her black muzzle When the vet came to the house, I had being. I had so much to learn. Her patient began to turn white, and I began to given Aiko what I’d promised on her last and exaggerated translations from dog feel the first pangs of pain. How much day: roast beef, hand lotion, and lipstick. to human finally began to get through. longer did I have with her? She was 10 She sampled them, politely. She lay on Like any new language, it all started to when I began to fret. I’d watch her and her blanket and I lay beside her on the make sense. Left ear back, eyes down fight back tears. I started to dread each floor. I had a soft bough from a beautiful, meant ‘I disagree’ or ‘There’s a reason this birthday. sacred cedar tree she loved to lay under isn’t a good idea.’ Tiny eye movements, in the yard, and a few coral camellia tail position, body language. She wasn’t So I did what I often do in times of stress, flowers on the table. just communicating with me, she was my form of meditation, knitting. At the teaching me to listen, to watch. And time, it was a blanket for her to lay her The vet gave us a special gift, which was eventually to understand. aging bones on, made from my ‘stash.’ a powerful pain shot, before the usual She was big, so it was big, too. It took a two shots (one to relax, and the final My breakthrough came when I was long time, and I intentionally knitted heart-stopping one). I had a quiet half babysitting a nine-week-old puppy. I was whenever the anxiety and sorrow of hour with her and watched her go back in my favorite chair, knitting, and Aiko losing her came over me. I poured my in time. Her ears, tense and pulled back and the pup were at my feet. Suddenly, love into it. I prayed for her health and from chronic pain, relaxed and came Aiko leapt on the puppy, growling, and happiness while I knitted. She lived five forward. Her eyes brightened and she ‘corrected’ her with a nip on the cheek. more years. smiled. We lay together on the knitted The puppy screamed and I shouted at blanket, talking and sharing, while the Aiko, “No! Not OK! Go lay down!” Aiko taught me how to care for an aging vet left the house. I kept my sorrow in and elderly dog. Even though she was check, as I wanted to be present for her As I sat with the puppy on my lap, 15, nearly blind, deaf and crippled, she as she had taught me—in the moment, replaying what had happened, I saw helped teach our little Luna how to be loving each other. When it was time, that the puppy had been gnawing on a good dog, too. She slept more, on the and the vet gave the last shot, Aiko and the corner of my book on the coffee unfinished blanket, which I now called I were staring at each other’s eyes. I felt

18 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org her ‘push’ her spirit into my eyes. I was taken aback—I’d never felt anything like that before; it was invasive. And still, it was Aiko, who I could trust with my life, and now, even with my soul. I let her in. She moaned, and died. I could hear the vet crying, and she said, “Some dogs have all the grace in the world.”

After she left, I put the cedar and the flowers on her body, and I cried. I’m crying right now, writing this, as the camellias are about to bloom now, five years later.

Friends came over and we carried her, in her knitted blanket, to a table covered in red cloth. I had prepared the room in advance with photographs from her from puppyhood through her last years. Kateyanne Unullisi Aiko in the snow Inspired by the ceremonies in the beautiful Japanese film, Departures, we lit candles, played soft music, and Mother that which we must yield.” It was You can find some specifics of how took our time brushing her hair. We finished. to make your own Releasing Blanket decorated her with scarves. We tied on my blog. I’m collecting images beads and decorations into her tail. No. Never finished. But I know that the of pet shrouds, Releasing Blankets, One friend carefully painted her nails, reverence and honor we gave to Aiko and their stories to publish there, too, and another put lipstick on her. As we helped soften the loss. The Releasing so please send them to Kateyanne@ worked together, crying and sharing Blanket helped prepare me, years in TheEmergeFoundation. stories, we whispered into her soft ears advance. And the memory of her final how much we loved her. We gave her ceremony is a balm to my memory—the messages for pets who were on the shared love of friends and pet owners, other side. united in acknowledging the depth of Wa-kon’da, our friendships with our dogs and cats. here needy he stands, When she was ready, we had a proper and I am he. Now, I share with others my lesson ceremony, eulogy and all. I asked my – Omaha tribal prayer friends to call to their sides their own of creating a Releasing Blanket for an beloved pets, and the room filled with aging or ailing pet, to prepare them the spirit of cats and dogs. Aiko lay in to lean into what is coming instead state for the tribute to the dog of my of becoming constricted and fearful life. The dog who helped me become a around it. Knit. Sew. Quilt. Embellished Kateyanne Unullisi is a Seattle, WA, human being. or simple. But take the time to pour your Funeral Celebrant and Home Funeral own heart and soul, tears and blessings, Guide. As a board member of the National We wrapped and tied the Releasing into what will go into the grave or to Home Funeral Alliance, she wants folks Blanket around her, and carried her to the crematorium with your pet. See it to care for their own as much as they are her grave. Someone had filled it halfway as the soft shroud that will hold your able. As a funeral celebrant, she is known with cedar boughs, and so the wet beloved pet wrapped in your love and for creating memorials and celebrations bottom was softened with greenery. care. Know that as you make it, you are of life that help bring healing and After the grave was filled, I said, “Let mindful that it will not be staying connection. Find Kateyanne on Facebook us proceed in peace and yield to The with you. and Twitter..

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 19 in spirit A Buddhist Funeral for Our Velcro Cat

by Colleen Busch

It was early in the morning, December I slid the ice under Eva’s body and lit the and early camellia blossoms from the 2nd, when my husband John woke me. candle. We recited a sutra traditionally backyard. We added her favorite toys My alarm was set for 4 am—the hour chanted in Zen temples when someone and treats, her red collar, a book of I had to wake for a meditation retreat. dies, then we sat with Eva; we rang the William Stafford poems, a photograph But it was only 3. “It’s time,” John said. bell 108 times and let our tears come of her buddy, an orange tabby named A hospice volunteer trained in natural and go. Jai who’d left us two years before. These funerals, he knows what it looks like were the things she’d loved, except for when death is near. One look at Eva and Eventually we moved Eva up to my maybe the poetry—that was for us. I could see it too. office. I took off the rubber band and Stafford’s “Sky” speaks so beautifully to gave her a bath with a warm washcloth. loss and what cannot be lost: “You will She was a 19-year-old rescue cat with I had purchased a bouquet of mums, bring me / everything when the time end-stage kidney failure. Blind in one dried oak leaves, some greenery, and comes.” eye, she was not going quietly into that spiky purple flowers and we created an good night. We’d laid her on a towel altar around Eva with the flower petals between us when we went to sleep. Now, she was standing up, making an amazing sound—not a meow but an unequivocal death yowl.

She seemed restless but unable to execute her will to move, so John scooped her up in the towel and set her on the wood floor. We hovered over her, telling her we loved her, stroking her dull charcoal fur, encouraging. In a habitual gesture of caretaking, I ran to get her pain medicine. But as I tried to squirt the Buprenorphine into her mouth, she let out one last cry and then was quiet, utterly still.

We moved Eva to a chair next to the bed. John placed a rubber band around her mouth to keep it closed. We didn’t bother to close her eyes because we knew they wouldn’t stay that way. I fetched an ice pack, a Colleen Busch candle, and a small bell. An altar for our Velcro cat

20 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org Throughout the day we sat with Eva’s We were lucky. We didn’t have to make Colleen Morton Busch is the author body, sometimes together, often alone. the hard choice to end Eva’s suffering. of Fire Monks: Zen Mind Meets Every few hours, we replaced the ice She made that choice herself. But we Wildfire, about the power of courage packs with fresh ones. As the hours did make the conscious decision to coupled with compassion. She is a lay- passed, Eva began to look, as she was, participate in Eva’s passing, to take ordained practitioner of Soto Zen. gone. With us no more. an active role in accepting—even colleenmortonbusch.com. She also blogs embracing—her death. A natural death for the Huffington Post huffingtonpost. The next day, we packed Eva up, is a blessing. To this day when I look at com/author/colleen-140 altar and all, nestling everything in a the pictures we took of her memorial cardboard box. We drove over the Bay altar, I feel such gratitude for the love she Bridge to Colma, where we could have a brought into our lives and the love with private cremation. I had the box on my which we sent her off. lap—I didn’t want to put Eva in the back seat—and every once in a while, I’d pet her and note how cold she was to the touch.

At the crematorium John set her in the oven with everything from the altar—we sent it all with her, including the wool sweater she would have very |advertisement| much liked to knead and drool on. (Eva was compulsively affectionate—such a bottomless pit of need for contact that we nicknamed her “Velcro Girl.”) We chanted the Heart Sutra as the oven roared. Afterward, the attendant swept the ashes out and put them into an to hand-grind the larger bones. “Do you want to?” he asked.

To my surprise, I did. To grind the bones of your beloved cat—who less than 24 hours before lounged on the pine needle- strewn deck, blissed out in the sun—may seem ghoulish. It was anything but. Like washing her body and tenderly arranging it with flowers and toys, it felt natural, the most complete and full- hearted way to honor her life and our connection. To care for her one last time.

I had cared for Eva for three years of worsening kidney disease. I had learned to give her subcutaneous fluids and vitamin B shots. Out of love, I had done everything I could to keep our beloved Velcro Girl alive. Now that she was gone, I wanted to be with her for each step of her transition.

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 21 Embracing Death’s Journey with Our Animals by Ella Bittel

It looked like a slight nosebleed, when or to put her down, I did not give her a how to provide for the special needs of I picked up my dog Momo from the third choice: Simply to die in the pace animals dying naturally. Worse, in all sitter. But somehow, the red fluid slowly she would on her own, without much those years of education, I had failed to collecting until he licked it off seemed interference. In this instant, I knew that notice this gap in the curriculum. There more like precious ink giving me notice was what she had wanted. was neither excuse nor comfort in the that our blessed time together was next moment’s realization that clearly, running out, drop by drop. How could that happen to me? Way even inside my profession, I was not before it had become fashionable, the only one unprepared to provide for I observed my panic kick in and already as a student of veterinary an animal what hospice provides for recognized my mind’s struggle to, in medicine, I had focused on looking at the people. its educated way, locate anything of whole picture. How could I have missed value regarding this situation—after all, thinking outside the conventional box Given that our companion animals have I am a holistic veterinarian. And yes, here, in my own life, with my own become family members to us, surely that impulse had contributed greatly companion animal? Why had only the there would be books out there, and tons to Momo’s 17 good years in his German two choices—to treat the animal, or of easily accessible information on the Shepherd-sized body—enough of a euthanize it “to relieve its suffering”— Internet. Yes? blessing. Enough? occurred to me? Well no, not really. Our focus has been to The days following were filled It was staggering to fathom the extent of come up with a thousand different ways with attempts to stop the merciless my well-educated ignorance. Nothing in to try to keep our animals well and have countdown of life force trickling out of my extensive training had ever covered them live a happy life. Death does not fit Momo’s body. Certainly I was in that picture. grateful for having had all this time with her, and no, I was not But is death that unacceptable? going to try holding my loved Is it really something we need one back when her time came. to protect our animals from by But had it come? What was it she euthanizing them (unless our wanted? animal happens to be one of the few who indeed dies in its sleep, In my mind I laid out the as everyone hopes for)? Isn’t situation to Momo, wanting dying a way to get ready for the her take on whether it was too great change for all involved— bothersome to stay in this body, the one transitioning into the or if she would prefer my help to realm beyond the physical, and get well one more time. I received the ones caring for this beloved no message that felt like she traveler? wanted to be euthanized. Momo died a month later, shortly after My experience with Momo’s her third blood transfusion. passing was a wake up call for me. Since her passing, Animal Intellectually I knew I had tried Hospice has become the passion everything. There was no guilt, of my life. Most of the reasons just a vague sense that in spite of we have for euthanasia would all my actions I may have missed crumble and vanish if exposed something ... to a more encompassing investigation. It took more than a year when it struck me one day—I had How many dogs are put down overlooked the obvious. In the because of trouble getting up options I had laid out to Momo, and walking? Would that be the between trying to get her well case if people knew how well Ella with Plouche Ella Bittel 22 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org acupuncture can help that condition? A in dealing with practical challenges. Whether the caretaker is aware of it or dog may even be paralyzed behind, yet Too often, driven by our concerns about not, much happens in the last days and happy to use a doggie wheel chair to get letting the animal suffer, our final hours for a dying human or animal in around. decisions are made from a state of fear— terms of getting ready internally for the the least wise of our guides. great “change of address.” It is a privilege The animal may refuse food. How often to wave our loved one off, neither have I heard that sentence “I know it Though our society tends to separate holding it back, nor trying to rush it. is time (to euthanize, but we skip that the act and fact of dying from everyday word, don’t we?), when my animal stops reality whenever possible, that is not Coming to peace with the real life eating.” Fasting is a natural preparation the case in many of the great traditions, process of dying—versus some inside the transition process. From the including Zen, Tibetan Buddhism, theoretical concept of it or its distorted human field we know that the dying just and Shamanism. In these, life is seen TV mask—can let us discover its don’t feel hungry anymore. It’s the wise as an opportunity to prepare for the incredibly life enriching value. Animals way of nature—the body knows it can great transition called dying. When can teach us about this if we let them, no longer properly digest, plus it won’t viewed this way, daily life provides us giving us a last priceless gift from the be using that fuel provided by nutrition with many chances to practice letting relationship between a person and a anymore. go. We can learn from such wisdom companion animal. and not confuse our willingness to let The bottom line is this: The physical our animal go with having to let it be condition of an animal isn’t all decisive, necessarily euthanized. but rather its internal state. Born in If we can just let go of all of our Germany, Ella Does the animal still want to live? preconceived notions of what a life still Bittel followed Animals are blessed in a way. They don’t worth living ought to look like, of how her childhood compare their current condition to the much time we can afford attending to desire to “help strength and vitality that was available the dying animal, of how quickly dying animals” by to them in the past. They don’t look ought to be happening—if we can let go becoming a into this gloomy future of never again of all of that and more, in recognition veterinarian. being able to run around as they used to. that all of these concepts have nothing Specializing in holistic treatment options They tend to go with the flow of things to do with what is best for our animal, for animals for over 20 years, Ella lives without questioning them. In fact, they THEN we are ready, or at least close to and works in California. She is certified even deal with pain often quite casually. ready to perceiving where the animal is with IVAS (International Veterinary My neighbor’s dog still chases trucks at for itself. And isn’t that what counts? Acupuncture Association), with AVCA with the same vigor, whether or not his (Animal Veterinary Chiropractic one knee gives him pain to the point that Caring for the dying is an art, and Association), with Linda Tellington- he can’t put weight on it anymore. Even unless we prepare for it ahead of time, Jones as a TTEAM practitioner, and at the end of an animal’s life, being in chances are we won’t be up for the task with Donna Eden, adapting her energy pain does not automatically equate to no when it is upon us. The experience will medicine techniques to support animals longer wanting to live. seem daunting to us rather than sacred. through their aura and chakras. In this as in so many areas, we tend to get lost in our own experience. It often is painful for us to witness our animal friend’s health decline. Spirits in Transition Because we are unfamiliar with the Ella has created this weekend seminar, , which is designed to give natural dying process, we’re not good tools to people who want to learn about providing end-of-life care at prioritizing in the end time of life. for animals. Offered in the Ashland area in July, the seminar can be Sensing that the essence of our loved one brought to wherever someone wishes to host it. Ella can be reached at: will survive may lessen our grief, but it [email protected] barely reduces the helplessness we feel

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 23 Making Sense of How Our Pets Die: Reflections of an Animal Communicator by JoLee Wingerson

Pets are deeply loved members of many Rose, now 25, trusted Flash completely. nose,” Rose said. “He also liked to put his human families. When their animals “Flash was so easy going around me alfalfa in a bucket of water and then eat have health issues or are growing old, with all of my disabilities,” she said. “He it. We called it Flash’s ‘alfalfa tea.’” people sometimes find themselves treated me, like, normal. He never ran making difficult decisions regarding me over like other . He was very After a number of years, Lisa died. their care. sweet and always considerate of my Two more elderly horses came to live needs.” with Flash over the years and also died As an animal communicator, I’ve worked peacefully at his side. with many families to help people and Once, when her training instructor pets prepare for an animal’s passing. I thought it would be good if Rose Horses are able to sleep standing up, find that, above all else, people simply overcame her fear of jumping, Flash was however, when they move into a deep want their pets to be comfortable and chosen as the horse she would ride. Rose sleep, they lie down for about 45 minutes peaceful at the end of their lives. It’s dutifully guided Flash toward the jump. a day. As prey animals, they generally their final gift of love to their devoted At the same time, she was also telling need an outdoor companion (it could companions. Flash she didn’t really want to make the be a goat or cow) to watch over them jump. “He listened to me and he stopped to relax enough to fall into a deep Most people also hope that their pets are right before the jump,” Rose said. “He sleep while they are in this vulnerable able to have a natural death, unassisted somehow knew I didn’t want to do it.” position. by a veterinarian’s kind presence. Transitioning naturally and peacefully When it was time for Flash to retire from So after Flash’s last companion died, I often happens for animals. RMRT, Debra and John welcomed him as talked with him about finding another a companion horse for Lisa, their elderly, horse or four-legged friend for him. uptight mare. They hoped that Flash’s He replied emphatically, and much to Flash calm demeanor would help Lisa relax. my surprise, “NO! I’m tired of being Flash fulfilled his responsibility with responsible for other horses. It’s Flash, a cinnamon-colored quarter horse grace, becoming a trustworthy friend my turn!” with a white blaze down his nose, had to Lisa. a peaceful, natural death after living in Even though he expressed himself as retirement with a family who adored “My dad was closest to him,” Rose said. clearly as could be, I still had my doubts. him for 9 years. Before moving to John “They would spend hours together But, he relaxed into his new solo life and Deb Fitzgibbons’ home in Boulder, out back. His nickname for Flash was with ease and had no trouble sleeping CO, Flash had been a therapy horse ‘Buddy Bud.’ Dad gave him cookies and lying down. He reveled in receiving more for Rocky Mountain Riding Therapy took him to the field where they would attention from his people. And though (RMRT), also in Boulder. And before listen to music or Dad would read. Flash he grew thinner and weaker, he seemed that, he had lived with a family who was always content to be wherever happy beyond words. cherished him as dear friend. he was.” I noticed that instead of a While Flash was still being heaviness he always seemed to ridden, he was always as solid “Even though he was so clear that he carry with him, he was more as a rock. “Bomb-proof,” is what was ready to die, it was hard when he carefree, and even seemed a steady horse like Flash is passed on because he had been such a younger than I had ever seen him. often called, and these types of strong presence in all of our lives.” horses are invaluable as riding Flash began to sleep so much that another concern arose: If a horse companions. Young kids could Having been taught many tricks by his lies down for more than an hour, their even walk safely under his belly. original family, Flash was also a of lung capacity diminishes greatly. They’re a prankster. He could open the back Rose Fitzgibbons had taken riding simply not built to be in a prone position door with his tongue to get inside for his lessons at RMRT when she was 7–10 for long. But Flash would lie down and cookies. He also learned to flip open the years old to help with a physical sleep for half the day! “My mom would dog door with his nose. “He drove one disability present since birth. Flash was go out, thinking he was dying, but she of our dogs crazy by always splashing the stall mate of the mare that Rose rode found he was just taking a nap,” Rose around water from his bucket with his weekly to help with her balance. said.

24 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org After about a year on his own, in 2012, Flash died peacefully one night near a memorial sanctuary where many of the Fitzgibbons’ pets were buried. Flash had died as he had lived— quietly, calmly, without any drama. He was 32. “It was the end of an era,” Rose said. “We had always had horses. Even though he was so clear that he was ready to die, it was hard when he passed on because he had been such a strong presence in all of our lives. It was like losing any loved one, human or animal.” Aaron (left) and Dena, touching paws JoLee Wingerson It was hardest for John, who had provided most of the daily care for Flash. He felt lost without Karen and Don were among the Aaron had been eating a low-quality the routines around the barn. To ease her first people in the country to adopt food from a supermarket. Karen and grieving, Rose focused on schoolwork greyhounds who had been rescued from Don cooked him high-quality, well- and making a memorial stone for Flash. racetracks in the early 1990s. “The day balanced human food, the same as Dena. When his ashes arrived, John dug a hole we picked Aaron up, we stopped by PC’s Amazed at the gourmet dinners he in the earth inside the sanctuary and Pantry (a local Boulder pet store) to buy was now privy to, Aaron became a bit Rose placed the bejeweled stone on top him a jacket,” Karen said. “It was chilly possessive of the source of his meals. “He of his grave, along with flowers and a out and greyhounds don’t have much would body block me when I opened the prayer flag. hair. When refrigerator,” we put it Karen said. on him, “When we put it on him, he started “He was Aaron he started strutting around the store, wagging his enormously strutting food- Sometimes animals die suddenly, of tail, saying ‘Look at me! I’m in a coat!’ around motivated.” natural causes or in an accident. Making I’ll never forget how proud the store, sense of an untimely pet death holds wagging his he was of that jacket.” And Aaron its own challenges for people and their tail, saying wasn’t too grieving process. ‘Look at me! I’m in a coat!’ I’ll never forget sure about the UPS fellow who made regular deliveries, either. “He went after Aaron, a 95-pound, five-year-old how proud he was of that jacket.” With the poor guy all the time,” Karen said. greyhound, had found his way to a Karen and Don, whole new worlds “He’d race downstairs and slam the Colorado greyhound rescue organization opened up for Aaron. storm door.” Soon the UPS guy began to in 2005. Karen Bordner and Don Ellis When I communicated to Aaron that brace against the door after he rang the chose him as a companion for their Karen and Don were taking a trip and bell so the door wouldn’t break. sensitive female greyhound, Dena, also they had arranged for a neighbor to 5 years old. Dena had been rescued feed and walk him, he responded with Aaron’s protective nature was fine with from the track at two years old and still disbelief. He was happy and surprised Karen and Don. “I had always wanted showed signs of fearfulness. that he and Dena would be so well cared a Rottweiler, and here he was in this for while his people were away. greyhound body,” Karen said.

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 25 Stoic and muscular, Aaron felt For the next two years, Aaron and Dena beside Dena’s ashes. “I know that Aaron responsible for his pack, which included happily slept together, ate together, and was totally on his path,” Karen said, “and his people. He also became Dena’s ran and played at dog parks together. my responsibility was to not get in the big brother and protector. They lay Then Karen and Don moved into a way of it. I think animals make their together on the floor, paws touching, home with a huge park just beyond own decisions, and we’re just here to help and snuggled together on the stairway their back door. The greyhounds were them with what they want.” landing. “They were soul mates,” Karen in heaven. And they became the talk of said, “and we expected them to grow old the neighborhood as they showed off together.” their graceful speed. Aaron seemed the Kobi epitome of athleticism and health. When I visited Karen and Don, I often Though a peaceful, natural death is what asked Aaron if he wanted an energetic A few months later, after playing in most of us wish for our pets, sometimes healing, since he seemed to hold a lot the park with Dena, Aaron lay down to it’s simply not possible. of tension in his body from his years of catch his breath, which was unusual. Kobi, an adorable Australian shepherd racing. He always politely declined the Don thought it was just because of the fur ball, was welcomed with open arms offer. heat. As he and Karen walked the dogs into Sherri Harrod and Diane Giusti’s home, Aaron collapsed. “He didn’t lie lives in 1999. The three of them bonded About 6 months after he came to live down,” Don said. “He just dropped. And easily as a family. Before they knew with Karen and Don, they noticed I felt his whole spirit go out of him and it, this puppy had blended into their his collar was growing tighter. Their through me. I thought immediately he routines and accompanied Sherri to her vet said it was because of an injured was probably gone.” vertebra in his neck. Surgery was highly Denver office daily. “It’s like she was my recommended. “It wasn’t a minor thing, Don started CPR while Karen brought daughter,” Sherri said. “It’s true for Diane, by any means,” Don said. “They had no the car around to race to the emergency too. She was our child.” clue what had caused it.” vet. Don continued CPR until the As Kobi aged, they began to notice a shift vet team took over for another 15–20 in her gait and a lack of strength in her As I communicated with Aaron about minutes, without success. “One of the back end. When she was 14, elderly for the possible surgery, he matter-of-factly vets said he probably had a heart defect,” a dog her size, she was diagnosed with asked for two months to heal himself Don said. before they considered any medical liver cancer, and their vet gave her three procedures. Although Karen and Stunned, Karen and Don returned home months to live. Don knew that Aaron was at risk of in shock and disbelief. They had never Diane and Sherri were devastated. They becoming paralyzed, they reluctantly experienced the sudden death of a pet. sought out an alternative energy healer, agreed to his request. How could this have happened? What Mikhail (Misha) Jirnov, in Ridgway, had gone wrong? Don researched herbal supplements CO, and Kobi received regular healings. to reduce the swelling, and Aaron The next day at the park, Dena ran and “Though I couldn’t scientifically prove it,” began taking those. During the next ran in circles and figure 8s, which she Sherri said, “I felt Misha’s healing work two months, Aaron, who usually was never did. They knew she was doing it in helped Kobi tremendously.” And she held hyper-alert, relaxed and began sleeping honor of Aaron. her own, passing through the three- so soundly that Karen and Don had to month mark with ease. For the next 18 wake him to relieve himself. A week or so later, after connecting with months, Kobi enjoyed family outings and Aaron as a soul, he communicated that life continued much as before. After 2 months, Karen and Don noticed he had completed his path in his body Aaron was becoming more energetic and was called to a higher purpose to Slowly though, her hindquarters again. His neck was no longer swollen. work with other dogs. He said he knew weakened so much that she couldn’t When they took him in for an x-ray, it his time had been coming. When it walk very well. Diane and Sherri used showed his neck had healed completely. happened, he said it felt like a tornado a harness on her front end like a handle Not only had he healed physically, he came up and grabbed him. He didn’t feel to lift her and help with mobility. Diane also seemed to have healed emotionally. any pain. fashioned a floating noodle, like the kind He was clearly more cheerful. “He woke kids use to float in the water, to fit under up a different dog,” Don said. “He was Aaron’s ashes now sit on a shelf in the her back legs. Diane and Sherri could more playful. He was fun.” kitchen, to honor his love of food, right then pull up on the noodle to support

26 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org Kobi as she walked. “It was a life saver,” One snowy, cold February morning, Sherri said. Diane and Sherri woke to a loud yelp from Kobi and bolted out of bed. “You When Kobi lost some of her sight to could tell something was wrong,” cataracts and her hearing declined, Diane said. When they arrived in the Sherri and Diane responded by attaching kitchen, Kobi had collapsed on the floor, pillows to the corners of cabinets and disoriented and confused. “That minute setting nightlights around the house. we knew it was time,” Sherri said. “We They also blocked the stairs to the thought she might be in pain. Even basement with a baby gate. though it was really hard, we knew it was the right thing to do.” As Kobi lost more muscle mass and JoLee and friend strength, she had trouble getting off Immediately they phoned a vet who the tile floor in the kitchen, her favorite made house calls and specialized in After Kobi’s death, to help her heal, place to rest. Rug runners over the tile home euthanasia. She arrived within an Sherri started training for a marathon, helped her gain traction. hour and agreed that it was time, saying something she had never done before. that Kobi might have had a stroke. It was helpful for her to spend time Kobi began to lose control of her bladder, outdoors releasing stress. Now she’s and then her bowel movements. Yet run in two marathons. Sherri also Sherri, who was her primary found that talking to people about caregiver, was not ready to “One day I realized that, oh my gosh, Kobi’s death helped. “There are euthanize her. “I never, ever felt like it could be the best thing for Kobi.... so many people who have been I could euthanize my pet,” Sherri It was a big transition for me.” through it,” she said. “Recently said. “I wondered, ‘How can people my brother had to euthanize his do that? Why would they do that?’” poodle, and we cried together on The vet went to her car, as cold as it was, Diane had been a pre-med student and the phone. I tell people it’s okay to cry to give Sherri and Diane time and space assisted with euthanasias. But she didn’t every night into your pillow.” to say goodbye to Kobi. “She was very wish this ending for dear Kobi either. “I good,” Diane said, “a good soul to comfort Diane and Sherri say they will adopt wanted her to die of natural causes, of us in our grief. Kobi literally died in our another dog when they feel they have her own accord.” arms. It was very peaceful and smooth. the time and energy to devote to the care So to deal with Kobi’s bladder issues, Though initially, we weren’t open to a dog needs. “I think it’s important as a Sherri bought a plastic panty with euthanasia, we ended up doing it and it pet owner to be responsible for their care replaceable pads similar to those used was awesome.” throughout their lives,” Diane said. “And for human incontinence at the pet store. as they age, it’s important to commit to Because Sherri had been Kobi’s primary It had Velcro and an opening for her tail. caring for them just like you would an caregiver, her death created a huge void Kobi adjusted to all of these changes elderly parent.” in Sherri’s life. “Even though caring for with ease. Meanwhile, Sherri worried her was exhausting, there was such what would happen if they had a companionship with her. I was very medical emergency and were faced with lonely without her. I missed the routine JoLee Wingerson, an animal a decision about whether to euthanize we had shared together for 16 years. communicator in Boulder, CO, for 15 Kobi. years, teaches workshops and a four- “Kobi always rode in the back seat. month course to train professional With time, something shifted for both It’s odd but sometimes I still look for animal communicators. She has been Sherri and Diane about euthanasia. “One her there. featured in Boulder’s Daily Camera and day I realized that, oh my gosh, it could on Denver’s Channel 7 News. http://pet- be the best thing for Kobi,” Sherri said. “It “Today every time I see an Australian communication.com was a big transformation for me. After shepherd, or I’m around a dog, I’m like, that Diane and I started talking about ‘Oh my god, I want another dog!’ Yet the possibility and what we would do at the same time it’s nice to not have with her ashes and how upset we were the responsibility. We’re not ready for going to be when she was gone.” another dog yet.”

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 27 media The Natural Burial Cemetery Guide State-by-State Where, How and Why to Choose Green Burial

Review by Mary Reilly-McNellan

I love exploring start-up date, GBC cemeteries and have certification level (if a plethora of books any), plot purchase about graveyards and interment costs, on my library shelf natural setting, types to prove it. I don’t, of burial containers however, have one permitted/available, that specifically regulations regarding targets natural burial embalming, grave cemeteries, so I was markers, and burial delighted to learn vaults, whether about Ann Hoffner’s families can help new publication, with grave digging, The Natural Burial care and maintenance Cemetery Guide: policies, decoration and State-By-State Where, memorialization rules, How and Why to and even pet burial Choose Green Burial. policies. This handsome, comprehensive guide A notable section of provides information each table is the burial on everything you ground’s story, and the ever wanted to author has included know—and then some—about existing settings. Hoffner has compiled a wide all sorts of interesting little tidbits to green burial grounds in the US. It is array of data from online sources, ponder. For instance, I was amused to clear that the author spent many, many personal communications, interviews, learn that, “You don’t have to be rich or hours meticulously researching her and site visits. Colorful maps assist famous to be buried at Congressional subject, and the result is a beautiful, the reader in targeting regional areas Cemetery. You just have to be dead.” full-color, PDF publication that provides or locating the nearest natural burial And who knew that this final resting information on over 125 cemeteries. The grounds. Introductory information about place for many notable senators and book begins with a vivid description the subject of “green” or “natural” burial House members now serves as one of of Hoffner’s own experience burying is included, as well as an explanation Washington DC’s largest off-leash dog her father at Steelmantown Cemetery, of the natural burial ratings—“hybrid,” parks? Or that some natural burial a natural burial ground in southern “natural,” or “conservation”—developed grounds employ such cutting edge, New Jersey. She recalls how the woods by the Green Burial Council (GBC). “walk to site” GPS technologies to locate were full of life that day—the sounds of Because the practice has not yet been graves via smartphone? All sorts of nature, a monarch butterfly flitting by— completely embraced by the funeral compelling informational nuggets can as her father’s unembalmed, shrouded industry, the author has included a be gleaned from this section. body was lowered into a hand-dug grave. helpful section on mortuaries that work The Natural Burial Cemetery Guide Participating in the burial proved to be with green burial for each region. is also useful to groups or individuals a truly soul-expanding experience for The meat of the book, however, is interested in establishing a natural the author. “He joined an ecosystem,” she contained in the cemetery entries burial ground—it offers the opportunity writes, “and because he could no longer themselves—color-coded by region and to learn about potential issues, concerns, move, life came to him.” organized by state. An easy-to-read and best conservation practices. It Vibrant wildflowers grace the cover, and table format has synthesized a great was heartening to read, for instance, images of cemeteries and green burial deal of information to help readers that some natural burial grounds gravesites throughout the book illustrate better understand what is offered at are embracing such ecological tools the beauty of the woodlands, meadows, each natural burial site. All of the basic as selective weeding of invasive and trails found in many natural burial information is included—location, exotic plants, seeding and planting contact information, website, ownership, of native stock, controlled burns, and

28 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org adding organic matter to soil for land restoration. Our Pet's Funeral Pyre As an environmental journalist, Hoffner by David Ford demonstrates her commitment to greening the environment by making the publication available in PDF file form only. Readers have the option to purchase and download the 303-page book in its entirety or select a PDF file of one of four specific regions (Northeast, South, Midwest, or West)—a great idea for those interested in a limited area of the United States. I don’t know about you, but my bookshelves are way too crowded, and I appreciate having the opportunity to save some trees.

Because natural burial is becoming increasingly popular, I was concerned that the book’s specific burial ground information/pricing may become quickly outdated. Hoffner addresses this by reminding readers to check in with individual cemeteries for any changes that may have been made since publication. And as they come online, additional natural burial grounds will be added to a future edition. A listing David Ford of ’s green cemeteries will be Our lab, Abby's winter cremation ceremony available later this year.

Whether you are simply interested in I have been interested in the East for a long time, especially India. Cremation is learning more about natural burial very much a part of lives there and it looks to me like a great way to send off those or have a specific green cemetery that whom we love. We had a Lab, Chelsea, who was very much a part of our family you would like to research, Hoffner’s and whom we loved dearly. When she passed, we wanted to do something special, book will provide the answers. She has so we decided to cremate her in the open air. It was a learning experience, and literally left no stone unturned. the work of cutting and stacking the wood and tending the fire helped us to say goodbye with prayers for guidance and grace. For pricing information or to order a PDF of The Natural Burial Cemetery Since Chelsea's passing years ago, we have cremated two other dogs and a cat. I'm Guide, visit greenburialnaturally.org. not as enthusiastic these days about cremating pets, but if there is a not a fire ban, I'll probably continue the tradition. We live in a forest, and the wood we burn is all from fire mitigation work that reduces the risk of a major fire. It is important to consider the risk of spreading a fire with any open-air pet cremation.

David Ford lives in rural Colorado..

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 29 6th NHFA Conference: Advocating for Home Funerals Stepping It up a Notch

by Lee Webster, President NHFA

The Pearlstone Center ◊◊ how to have home funerals for pets ◊◊ a "Before I Die" wall Reisterstown, Maryland ◊◊ building bridges with hospices and ◊◊ evening bonfires September 22–24, 2017 hospitals; working with funeral ◊◊ and so much more! directors, vital statistics, medical Early registration lasts till August Come one, come all to this year’s examiners 15. Be sure to register AND make biennial conference! We have a full line- ◊◊ how to take care of yourself while your reservations at The Pearlstone up of panels, films, skills sessions, and helping others Center by going online at http:// activities to interest anyone dedicated to ◊◊ legal issues that inform home funeral homefuneralalliance.org/events/ spreading the word about home funerals. advocacy conference-2017—just follow the links! We’ve incorporated extra time and ◊◊ how to create ceremonies for home Hope to see you there! opportunities to meet with others, enjoy vigils, funerals, and memorials; plus meals and conversation, and to learn film showings of In the Parlor with more about: filmmaker Heidi Boucher and Zen and the Art of Dying with Zenith ◊◊ how to tell effective and moving Virago home funeral stories ◊◊ altar art ◊◊ how to handle body care basics ◊◊ our own one-of-a-kind silent auction

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National Home Funeral Alliance 2017 CONFERENCE Join your home funeral community to learn skills, share stories, and connect with others to advocate in your local hospice and communities.

September 22-24, 2017 Reisterstown, Maryland (one hour from DC) www.HomeFuneralAlliance.org

Photo courtesy of Marion Spadone

30 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org In Other News The newest NHFA publication offers advocacy information about working with hospices, hospitals, and care facilities in making sure that services will be there when they are needed. You can find Building Bridges Across the Death Care Continuum on the NHFA website or directly on Amazon. All proceeds from sales support home funeral education. , NHFA 2015 conference book signing Karen van Vuuren

The free NHFA information card is now For the first time, the NHFA sponsored 1st. The series was offered concurrently available in English and Spanish! It’s a well-attended four-night series with the first successful fundraising easy to order and a great piece to spread of conference calls. Keeping Home campaign, setting the stage for giving around in churches, doctor’s offices, Funerals Alive! kicked off with a Day and receiving to support the mission in community events, and anywhere else of the Dead celebration on November the future. people gather who might need to know about the benefits of home funerals. |advertisement| NHFA Products The updated "Restoring Families’ Rights to Choose," the white paper jointly written with the Funeral Consumer Alliance, has been made available at Buy One, Get One Free through a generous gift from Bryan Morse, a fire and law enforcement chaplain in California, NHFA member, and ardent supporter of the home funeral and green burial movement. To get your free copies, go to NHFA Products.

In another reprint and update, Donna Belk has revived the home funeral how- to booklet Undertaken with Love. There is lots of new material in this beautifully illustrated guidebook, originally written by Donna and Holly Stevens. This is also available on the NHFA website or directly on Amazon.

www.goinpeacefilm.org

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 31 How Writing Healed My Heart by Gin Mackey

I recently published a mystery entitled and planning where they would go Disappear Our Dead, a novel featuring a away to college, I was grocery shopping, home funeral guide who is an amateur making meals, and taking care of my sleuth. All the writing I have done before little brother. led up to this book, but I didn’t know it at the time. Disappear Our Dead is a book My father’s role had always been to go of my heart, 50 years in the making; but to work and pay the bills; he continued what began as a journey to write a book to do what he’d always done. Dealing became a journey of healing my own with us kids was something he was not deep and unfinished grief. prepared for. We never talked about our feelings at home, and we certainly never When I was 17, my mother left our talked about our dead mother. When house to go to her bowling league and he arrived home from work, my father never came home. She was involved in would talk to me as he had my mother, a catastrophic car accident and died about his day. But I wasn’t his wife. immediately of a fractured skull. She When my friends all left for college, I was 45 years old. stayed home and commuted to a nearby college. Home felt like a jail, a sentence I still remember the moment my father that would never end. I thought I would returned from the hospital and told us My mother shortly after World War II always have to take care of my father God had taken Mommy to heaven: I had and the house. It impacted my view on backed away from him, shaking my marriage and kids; I saw them as a trap, head, saying, “No, no, no,” in a desperate, When my mother died, I looked for burdens from which a woman could futile effort to deny the truth. someone to blame. I hated God for taking never escape. I made a vow I didn’t know her. We were Catholics back then, but I was making: Never get myself into that My mother left behind my father, my my mother hadn’t been attending Mass, situation. I didn’t marry until I was 49. two older sisters, my younger sister, and and I turned away from the Church that my only brother, Frankie, who was 9 at I believed consigned my mother’s soul I began to drink. Not a glass of wine, but the time. When tragedy strikes some to hell for eternity for her sins. I didn’t tumblers of gin from bottles I hid in my families, they pull together; others fall attend church for more than a decade, closet. I didn’t think my father knew. He apart. Mine fell apart. We kids didn’t and when I finally sought a spiritual did. Instead of talking to me about it, he know how to grieve, and my father didn’t home, I looked for one I thought was the simply said one day, “It’s time for you to know how to help us. Nine years later, antithesis of what I’d experienced as the leave,” jettisoning me like flotsam. my brother died, also in a car accident. strict dogma of the Catholic church; I But his life had started to disintegrate the became a Unitarian Universalist, which I spent years drunk. I remain immensely day mommy died. That’s how I learned I felt allowed room for my continuing grateful I survived those years. I didn’t about loss, and heartbreak. confusion. know that I was trying to numb the hurt. I got very good at pushing people away After the accident that took her life, I blamed my father for not being a using biting sarcasm. I’d use any reason the next time I saw my mother she was better husband. My father was the I could latch onto to reject people so I in her casket, all made up and looking authoritarian voice in our family, a could avoid getting to know them better. good. My sister Renee said through her man easily displeased, a man I barely I didn’t realize I was doing it to save tears, “She looks like she could get up knew. I thought God might have made a myself from what I was terrified would and walk.” Renee was right. My last giant mistake, simply taking the wrong be more hurt if I cared for someone memory of my dead mother is her parent. I blamed myself for not being a and lost them too. When I finally fell in looking alive. It didn’t help me come to better kid. love 9 years after my mother died, I had terms with her death. horrible daymares of my boyfriend’s My two older sisters were already living dying in a fiery crash, daymares that My grief was complex, uncontrollable, on their own when my mother died, so I were vivid and terrifying. Luckily for and confusing, and it hurt. I had no idea was the oldest child at home. When my me, he didn’t die, and his love helped me of the long-term toll it would take on friends were trying out for cheerleading begin the climb out of the abyss. my life. 32 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org Decades after my mother died, I for loved ones at home. But disturbing heard about something called a home questions arise over the death of a funeral. A woman named Beth Knox woman whose home funeral Abby was giving a workshop in Cambridge, guided. Was the death really natural? MA. Many of you know Beth’s story. The police chief refuses to investigate She created an organization called what appear to be unfounded concerns Crossings after her young daughter of a distraught relative. died, and she found a way to bring her daughter’s body home from the Members of the community, mystified hospital, to wash and dress her, and by home funerals, target Abby as a invite friends and family to come to suspect, and swirling rumors threaten her home to grieve. to destroy her fledgling business and fragile spirit. Abby discovers a funeral I’d never heard of such a thing. I was home director and a caterer who bleed astounded that there could be such a red ink when people choose home different way of dealing with death. I funerals, money-hungry motivation to signed up for the workshop. Beth told set up Abby as a murderer. And what us her story, and we took part in a about the long-suffering husband? mock home funeral, one participant Was he ready to move on with his life playing the part of the deceased, and Mommy, Frankie and my father before his wife was ready to die? others of us washing and caring for her. To save her failing business, and with It was a revelation to me, that after- this all into one book. If it’s a mystery, the help of a widower detective she feels death care for a loved one could be so of course there has to be a , and guiltily drawn to—Abby must uncover the personal, so reverent, so loving, so open, lots of scenes leading to the uncovering truth. As she unmasks the murderer, and such a wonderful way to say good-bye of the bad guy. Eventually I wove all the killer sets sights on her, Abby realizes and begin to grieve. I saw so clearly that these threads together in Disappear Our there’s one thing she wants more than the way my family had handled the Dead. The title stems from something anything—to live. passings of my mother and brother was I read as I researched the book, about not the only way. the discomfort many of us have in Understanding how all the threads this culture with death and dying and could weave together was one thing; It planted a seed in my brain. I wanted perhaps especially a dead body: we writing the book was another. It was everyone to know about home funerals. I try to disappear our dead. Here’s the very important to me to write about wanted to walk up to complete strangers description of how it all came together: and say, “Can I tell you about home home funerals in a way that was funerals? This is really important.” realistic. I knew many people would Luckily, I realized that accosting When the worst happens, would you rise still be unfamiliar with them. I wanted strangers on the street might not be the or fall... readers to know that a home funeral is a best approach to getting the message out. real alternative in caring for their loved On the coast of Maine, a devastating ones after death. But I loved to write, and I loved to write death, a widow grappling with grief. mysteries, and eventually I started to Then, a second chance at life. This is Abby I turned to the Crossings network to ask wonder if I could bring together my love Tiernan’s story, a story of the heart. But if any home funeral guides would be of mysteries with what I had learned in order to learn to live again, Abby must willing to be interviewed. Seven home about home funerals. And I started to solve a troubling mystery. funeral guides and other experts in wonder, why couldn’t an amateur sleuth after-death care generously spent hours After the death of her beloved husband, in a mystery be a home funeral guide? on the phone with me so I could be sure Abby hits bottom—hard. Her flickering to get the home funeral details correct in I also knew that I wanted the book to be will to live reignites when she becomes a my book. That made a huge difference about loss and grief and learning to live home funeral guide, teaching the bereaved and helped propel me forward. I also again. It was a tricky balancing act to get the age-old tradition of after-death care interviewed a police chief in an effort

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 33 to make sure I I could have written the book in a way Finally, I came up with the tag line, got the police that kept difficult emotions off the page. More Than Mystery. These three words— details right, I chose not to do that. Meryl Streep ended positioned on the cover under the title— and medical a speech recently with a quote from along with the back cover description, people to Carrie Fisher: “Take your broken heart, would let readers know that what was in ensure the make it into art.” And that’s what I tried the book was not typical. I also added a medical parts to do. I like to think my mother would be short quote from a Kirkus Review on the were correct. proud of what I’ve done. Disappear Our cover: “Goes beyond a cozy, small-town Dead is dedicated to her, a woman who mystery to deal with some immense and The book took never had a chance to live out her years. I difficult issues.” They could then choose me longer to wrote it to honor her short life. to read it or not, but they would know write than I’d what they were getting. I was taking a anticipated. As I thought that the writing of Disappear chance that readers would agree they a writer, you Our Dead was the hard part. It was, but were getting more than mystery. never really it turned out it wasn’t the only hurdle. know what’s going to come up when Once the book was written, I began Self-publishing required a lot of new you sit down to put words on the page. contacting agents in the hopes of getting skills to produce a high-quality book. I I didn’t know the tears I’d have to shed the book published through traditional had to learn how to create an attractive to write the book. I didn’t realize how channels. One of them told me the book cover, format the interior, deal with much grieving I still had to do. And I was so moving she was going through ISBNs and bar codes… But that hurdle didn’t know the book was going to help Kleenex at a pretty rapid rate as she read was pretty close to the ground compared me do it. the first 50 pages. There are conventions to the next one I faced: marketing. readers expect you to meet in genre As I wrote about characters and the grief fiction, and Disappear Our Dead did For someone who loves sitting alone in they were experiencing, I felt grief too. I not conform as closely as she wanted a room tapping words into a computer, would find myself at my desk, sobbing to a genre mystery. There has to be a my response to the idea of marketing as I wrote. As I shed tears, I knew I was dead body pretty quickly, and the focus could pretty much be summed up in two finally feeling some of the deep grief I of the book is resolving that murder. words: fear and loathing. But when you had never before been able to feel about Other agents also liked the book, but self-publish, the marketing falls on your my mother’s and my brother’s deaths. felt the same and suggested changes I shoulders. If I didn’t market the book, no Somehow, I could feel through my could make to more closely adhere to one would know Disappear Our Dead characters. conventions. even existed.

At one point during the writing of But my book was always meant to be But Disappear Our Dead still had a lot the book, I was in a TJ Maxx when I Abby Tiernan’s story, a story of grief and to teach me, and I never could have came across a porcelain figurine. She recovery, a story of a woman finding envisioned how different marketing had auburn hair and was dressed in meaning in being a home funeral guide, would turn out to be from what I feared. a flowing white gown freckled with and working to solve a murder that I realized I had a natural audience shamrocks. She immediately reminded threatened her ability to help people stemming from the advance work I’d me of my Irish mother, whose name learn about home funerals. To do what done interviewing home funeral guides had been Mary Ellen Rose Duggan. This agents wanted would mean ripping the and getting to know about organizations figurine had wings of soft white feathers, heart out of the story. I couldn’t do it, such as the Funeral Consumers Alliance and her arms were stretched out toward so I made the decision to self-publish and the National Home Funeral me—a hug waiting to happen. I brought Disappear Our Dead. Alliance. Books in hand, I attended the angel home, perched her on the top a meeting of the FCA in Maine and of a tall bookcase next to my writing But now I had a new problem. If donated books to the organization. I also desk, and positioned her so she was agents were right, readers expecting contacted the home funeral guides and looking over me. She was my mother in a conventional mystery might be others I’d interviewed and sent them spirit form, an angel at my shoulder, a disappointed. I realized that, what agents copies of the book. comforting presence urging me to use had seen as a weakness of the book, I my passion and my words to help spread had always seen as its greatest strength. Within days, I began receiving the word on home funerals and grief and But I had to find a way to convey this wonderfully positive feedback from loss and learning to live again. to readers. these readers. One woman told me she 34 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org read the book in one sitting because heartfelt connections with readers have she couldn’t put it down. That in itself been a touching surprise. buoyed me enormously, and a funny thing happened. Hearing directly from These days, when I think about my Gin Mackey is readers about how much they enjoyed mother and my brother, I do so with love the author of the book made marketing so much and affection, my sorrow tempered by Disappear Our easier. This direct feedback made it all I’ve experienced. Dead, a midcoast clearer than anything else that people Maine mystery, and My father died a couple of years ago, at saw real value in the book. Some wrote Suddenly Spying, the age of 91. He’d lived more than twice reviews on Amazon. Some told me a madcap caper. She lives and writes in as long as my mother. There’s so much I’ll they were contacting friends across the Owls Head, ME. ginmackey.com. never understand about how the world country to suggest they buy the book. works, but now I feel more acceptance of Within weeks, copies of Disappear Our that simple truth. Dead were in Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Ohio, Texas, Arizona, New I’m grateful for all Disappear Our Dead York, Maryland, Michigan, Colorado, has taught me. I know I have much more Wisconsin and Minnesota. I loved to learn. When it comes to end of life thinking of people in all those states matters, there is so much more for us all reading the story of a home funeral to talk about. If enough readers enjoy guide sleuth. Disappear Our Dead, I hope to write a continuing series with Abby Tiernan as Then something even more unexpected the home funeral sleuth. I can already happened when a Unitarian Universalist |advertisement| envision a scene in the next book: Abby church I attended occasionally asked and her handsome detective friend sit me to talk to a women’s group. As the down together and talk through their day approached, I made voluminous last wishes. I can envision a family speaking notes as my nervousness Abby is working with in which an Coma about talking in front of a group grew. elderly member is ending her life via ommunication But another surprise awaited me at this C VSED (voluntary stopping eating and meeting. Following & Cherishing drinking). I’ll want to include a scene the Spirit in Dementia The organizer had asked me to talk in which someone close to death is Delirium.Coma.End of Life about how I came to write Disappear struggling to learn how to die. Our Dead. I began to tell the group about My hope is that the more my characters my mother, the car crash that took her can confront and deal with difficult life, my seeing her embalmed and in end of life issues, the more readers will a casket, my grief, and home funerals. consider the possibility that they can, And as I talked about these things to too. And I hope my readers will find a this group of twenty women, I started to little healing for themselves along with speak not from my notes but from my my characters. heart. And the group started to listen … with their hearts. I could feel they were … with me in a way I hadn’t envisioned any group would be.

There isn’t anyone whose heart hasn’t been broken at some time in life. I found that when I spoke from my heart and shared my story, it touched people. After the meeting, and again after women read the book, they told me stories of loved ones they’d lost and their own experiences in saying good-bye. These

www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 35 Tomorrow Never Knows by Darci Meyers

With a diagnosis of early onset and gave me the confidence to support He organized and led a successful and Alzheimer’s Disease, mathematician, him in his wish. In our weekly sessions mandatory pride day educational event activist, and transgender person, Shar we began to explore what it might look for all employees, to the chagrin of his Jones, chose to die as consciously as he had like for him to die consciously and the superiors. I cannot imagine the courage lived. choices he would ultimately need to it took to show up every day. make. I was sitting with Shar on a gloomy, Shar, with Cynthia’s unwavering winter morning, and listened as he I learned many things in our time support, made the conscious decision to talked about his life; his wit and sense together. Shar deeply loved music and stop eating and drinking—the only legal of humor often sparked laughter. I had the natural world. He still hiked weekly, option available to him—on August 19, been getting to know Shar and his wife and we would often listen to some of 2016. He died with his wife by his side Cynthia over the past several months, his more than 5000 songs on his iPod. on September 1. I am deeply touched and the more time I spent with them, the He was always inspiring and full of by the profound love Shar and Cynthia more curious and inspired I felt. There life, giving me glimpses and insights had for each other. Cynthia provided was just something about Shar…his guile- into his personal story with honesty the momentum and tenacity behind less smile, the spark of intelligence and and grace. An activist at heart, he manifesting all that was required to mischief in his eyes, his warrior spirit. always stood up for the marginalized support Shar on his end-of-life journey. Everything about him intrigued me. and disenfranchised; for example, he Her ability to love beyond boundaries started a union at work against strong is an inspiration to everyone who Shar and Cynthia were referred to opposition and attempts at coercion. meets her. She is one of the strongest, me because they were looking for a Shar was transgender: born a man, but most compassionate people I have ever Buddhist chaplain and psychotherapist always feeling in-between genders. He known. Their love story is profound. to help them navigate Shar’s end-of- finally came out late in life and began It’s a story of respect and connection, life journey. Shar had been diagnosed living as a woman with Cynthia’s solidarity in the face of discrimination with early onset Alzheimer’s disease. encouragement and support. He told me and hatred, and love in the face of death. He and Cynthia were acutely aware often that he never could have done it They both faced the reality of death with of the trajectory of the disease and its without her. unbelievable grace. Talking about death dehumanizing impact. Although he was became as normal for them as discussing still very present, connected to a solid I just want to note that I’m using the what they might have for dinner. sense of self and still remembering his male pronoun here because, toward the wife, he had already lost the capacity end of his life, Shar purposely presented Discussing inevitable death in a frank to do routine daily activities, such more as a man in public, even though he and open manner is often a taboo in as , making meals and even often described himself as gender-queer our culture; it can certainly elicit fear finding light switches. Shar had been or gender-fluid and really could not and reveal many misconceptions. a brilliant mathematician who had be confined to a label. He was acutely As Craig Bowron, hospital-based worked for the federal government, aware that he was compromised as a internist in Minneapolis, wrote in a often on classified assignments. He was result of the Alzheimer’s disease and Washington Post article, “This denial also a Buddhist meditation practitioner, perhaps would not be able to respond, in of death can distance people from the so his mind was really important to a manner he would like, to the violence real, moment-to-moment experience of him. This kind of loss was particularly that transgender people often encounter being vibrantly mortal—of really feeling devastating. in the world.1 As a mathematician, Shar things, really loving others and showing knew these statistics well, and as a it, really seeing the world around us and During my first meeting with Shar, he consequence, he wanted to protect both really speaking our minds with courage was adamant: “I know what this disease himself and his wife. and acting on our core beliefs.”2 Shar does. I will not let it destroy me. I want and Cynthia’s life together demonstrated to die consciously.” He described how When Shar eventually came out at work, their love and how they lived their important his Buddhist meditation he was met with blatant discrimination core beliefs. I believe their example can practice was to him, and he wanted to and hatred, but true to his warrior inspire us all to transcend our fear of be clear-minded upon death. I knew spirit, he did not waver: he went up the death so we can really show up in life, he had given this a lot of thought and chain of command to get the support of in love, and in relationships in a deeply contemplation. His resolve was evident human resources at the national level. meaningful way.

36 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org Shar often talked about his wish that his life, and the manner in which he chose to leave it, might in some way offer support and inspiration to others facing similar circumstances. The Alzheimer’s Foundation of America estimates that as many as 5.1 million Americans may The many-faceted personality of Shar Jones now have Alzheimer’s disease and that number is on the rise in an aging community, and his films have screened Shar and Cynthia’s remarkable story and population. Current research from the at festivals from Rotterdam to Portland, to the honesty with which they engaged National Institute on Aging indicates at museums including the Walker Art in his life and his death.” that the prevalence of Alzheimer’s Center, and in art houses across the disease doubles every five years beyond globe. He immediately grasped the scope We are currently in the post- age 65.3 of the project, connected with Shar and production process, and distribution Cynthia and we were off! We began will follow. We plan to submit the film Taking Shar’s hopes and dreams to filming in September 2015—a year before to local, national, and international heart and feeling inspired to help him Shar’s death. Adam and I will be forever film festivals, as well as offering the manifest everything that was important grateful for this opportunity to share in film for educational purposes. If you’d to him, I had a secret wish that someone their journey and are deeply touched by like to learn more about the film or would make a film about his life, his their courage and love. We hope others the process of showing it in your choices, and his death. Not knowing will be, too. community, please visit our website at: about my feelings and of her own tomorrowneverknowsfilm.com. accord, Cynthia approached me about Adam spoke about the project’s impact the possibility. I was taken aback, yet on him, “There’s a sincerity, and endnotes somehow felt called to help make Shar’s profound truth that I learned about 1 Discrimination and violence against transgender people is higher than in any vision a reality. The project immediately living and dying by bearing witness to other population. A report by the National seemed to take on a life of its own. Shar’s story. Alzheimer’s destroys one’s Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs relevance, and there’s a profound sadness (NCAVP) reported that the majority When I met filmmaker Adam Sekuler that comes with losing that to this of victims of hate violence through a series of serendipitous disease. This film is about the difficulty in 2013 were transgender women at 72%. Transgender people are also more connections, I invited him in on the of accepting that, the processing, coping, project. Adam has 15 years’ experience likely to experience police violence and and living with that reality as it becomes physical violence from law enforcement, and working in the film exhibition increasingly a part of Cynthia and transgender women particularly are more Shar’s lives. likely to experience sexual violence. http:// It’s also about www.avp.org/storage/documents/ncavp_ transhvfactsheet.pdf their visible courage in the 2 Craig Bowron, hospital-based internist in Minneapolis in a Washington Post Article- face of so much https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/ difficulty and our-unrealistic-views-of-death-through-a- their seemingly doctors-eyes/2012/01/31/gIQAeaHpJR_story. endless supply html of love. They 3 http://www.avp.org/storage/documents/ showed ncavp_transhvfactsheet.pdf tremendous strength as Shar Darci Meyers, MA, is a psychotherapist approached and spiritual director in private practice his death. in Colorado. She has worked in end-of-life Ultimately care for over 15 years and uses meditation the film is a and mindfulness as a core practice in her Tomorrow Never Knows/Adam Sekuler testament to work. darcimeyers.com Shar and Cynthia – dying time www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 37 REACH YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE Tell our readers about your green, holistic products & services, and events through AFFORDABLE ADVERTISING in MAGAZINE and, at the same time, help to keep the magazine going and support the non-profit’s work.

Who reads NTM? AD SIZES (WxH) 1x 2x Readers with a strong and abiding interest in: One quarter column $40 $60 HOLISTIC HEALTH CARE and DEATH CARE 2 3/8" x 21/4" SPIRITUALITY One half column $55 $85 CONSCIOUS AGING 2 3/8" x 4 7/8" ENVIRONMENTALISM One full column $75 $120 and COMMUNITY 2 3/8" x 10" Our readers are mature, educated adults who Two quarter-columns $55 $85 1 don’t just skim our magazine. They read it from 5" x 2 /4" cover to cover! Two half-columns $75 $120 5" x 4 7/8" Two full-columns $125 $215 Where does NTM go? 5" x 10" Our geographic reach is international. NTM Three quarter-columns $60 $95 goes out to thousands of people in the USA, 7 1/2" x 2 1/4" Europe, Australia, and New Zealand. Our Three half-columns $100 $180 magazine is passed from reader to reader. Our 7 1/2" x 4 7/8" (half page) community expands with each issue. Full page – no bleed $170 $285 7 1/2" x 10" Informative and inspiring, Natural Full page – bleed $180 $300

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Aya Despacho: A Prayer Package for the Dead connect with life. – Joe Sehee, Director/ Soul Passage Midwifery Founder, Green Burial Council Inside front cover $205 $335 International Inside back cover $190 $320 Back cover $250 $410 Natural Transitions is good news for all of us; it demystifies the universal process of letting a loved one go into death and Life after Death shares heartwarming ways of honoring that inevitable and sacred occurrence. – [email protected] Joanna Macy, eco-philosopher, peace 303.443.3418 activist, Buddhist scholar

38 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org last words

We Give Thanks for the Animals Magellan A Meditation 14" x 19" by Gary Kowalski Watercolor and Ink on Bamboo Paper by Christine Pateros We give thanks for the animals Who live close to nature, Commissioned in honor of Magellan, Who remind us of the sanctities of birth and death, beloved dog and companion for 12 years. Who do not trouble their lives with foreboding or grief, Adopted from a shelter at difficult time Who let go each moment as it passes, in the owner’s life and transitioned in And accept each new one as it comes his loving arms. christinepateros.com With serenity and grace. Enable us to walk in beauty as they do At one with the turning seasons, Welcoming the sunrise and at peace with sunset. Reverend Gary Kowalski is the author And as we hallow the memory of good friends now departed, of Goodbye Friend: Healing Wisdom for Who loved abundantly and in their time were loved, Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet, The Who freely gave us their affection and loyalty. Souls of Animals, and other books on Let us not be anxious for tomorrow nature, spirituality, history and science. But ask only that kindness and gratitude fill our hearts, Visit his website at kowalskibooks.com Day by day, into the passing years. www.naturaltransitions.org | NATURAL TRANSITIONS MAGAZINE | 39 Last Respects Katmandu on the Other Side

My Beloved, I held him tightly in my arms Consulting as he coiled and burst forth like a summer seed Counseling, Needs Assessments Into the fullness of his fruit. Community Education, Referrals I will tell you, he did not die he lifted like a martial artist from his body, Natural Deathcare Advocacy great master of the art of soul Integral Institute He did not die, I can tell you because he did not die Holly Blue Hawkins in my arms, PO Box 2094 He flew right through me Aptos CA 95001 when he passed. 831/588-3040 Holly Blue Hawkins© [email protected]

40 | VOLUME 6 NUMBER 1 | www.naturaltransitions.org