April 1,1995 PAGE 21 Spurts Go West Young Dogs UMBC Is Invited To Join The Pac-10 dude." Like you really care who I am While it may come as a surprise to Deceiver Spurts Section some that the Pac-10 would reach all the way to the right coast in its search Tyus Edny, Damon Stoudamire for expansion, John Robinson, USC's and Tony Thompson? Ed^O'Bannon, football coach and former coach of Mario Bates and Matt Dressier? You the Los Angeles Rams, made an in- Bet! Some day down the road you teresting . "If the Atlanta Fal- may see these names in the same sen- cons can be in the NFC West, then I tence when talk of the Pac-10 greats see no reason why UMBC .won't fit comes up. right into our group." In a move that has been in the The Retrievers will be joining Ari- works for over two years, the Uni- zona, State, Oregon, Oregon versity of Maryland Baltimore State, USC, UCLA, California, County has been tapped to become Washington, Washington State and the eleventh team in the powerful Stanford in the Pac-10. Pacific-10 con- ^^^^^^^^^_ ^^^MM^M While this means ference. The in- "A few more hours on a that UMBC will vitation was have to move for- formally ex- bus never hurt anyone," ward in its develop- tended to UMBC Athletic Director ment of a football UMBC's Ath- program, the bas- letic Director Dr. Charles Brown ketball team will Dr. Charles begin play in its Brown by Pac-10 commissioner Tho- new conference in 1996-97. mas C. Hanson immediately follow- Comments flew thick and fast from ing the NCAA Tournament Pac-10 coaches. first-round which was hosted by "While I welcome UMBC, I wish Paul Otto / Deceiver Staff UMBC a6|he Baltimore Arena. and Lamond Murray While Basketball and Football may need a long time to catch up with the level of play in the Pac-10, the volleyball team may already "Once v« saw that UMBC could were still here," Todd Bozeman of have what it takes. pull off thelfyenVivitH such style and Cal was heard to whine. "West Coast" flam we knew that the of Arizona remarked, huge, Dr. Brown was not all con- Crossing The Line: Retrievers Were the team for us," re- "I don't think UMBC coming into the cerned. "A few more hours on a bus marked Hansen. conference will change the fact that never hurt anyone, " he explained. The announcement comes at a cru- my teams cannot win a first round With UMBC now in a legitimate UMBC's Baseball Coach cial time in UMBC Athletic history NCAA game." conference, the school's search for a as the school has been searching for Kelvin Sampson, who recently left new basketball coach will attract top a hew conference since it announced the Pac-10 for Oklahoma said, "I'm applicants. Despite already being Becomes A Replacement Player its intention to leave the Big South happy I got out of there before considered for the opening in Fresno, Conference in the summer of 1996. UMBC got there. If I can't beat a Jerry Tarkanian took his towel out of show," explained Jank. An added advantage of having Dr. Brown was ecstatic. "I bet team like Manhattan in the big dance, his mouth long enough to say, "I Joabella Fox Yankee's public relations director John Jancuska around the clubhouse Deceiver Staff Bimbo Towson feels really foolish right what chance do I have against the would be honored to be considered Rod Butcher made the announcement is that, besides his prowess on the about now. They thought they had it Retrievers?" for the job." at the Yankee spring training sight in field, he has made quite a name for made in the North Atlantic. While While the expense of playing in a While it my take some time for Citing boredom from too many Fort Lauderdale. himself as a teacher and motivator. they have to face frigid northern win- conference which plays most of its UMBC to bring its basketball and long years of coaching, and a need "If Guillermo "Willie" Hernandez As coach of the UMBC Retriever ters, we'll be sunnin' and surfin' games 3000 miles away could be football programs up to Pac-10 to prove something to himself, and Frank Eufemia can make the Baseball Team, he has crafted a strength, the move will certainly get UMBC's Head Baseball Coach John grade here, then John Jancuska record of 384-231-3 and has won UMBC the media exposure it de- Jancuska signed on with the New should have no problem," announced numerous Coach-of-the-Year serves. But because most of its games York Yankees as a replacement Butcher. George Steinbrenner had no Awards. Because so many of the scab will be played on Pacific time, the player. "With the regular season comment on his newest acquisition players are short on fundamentals, Baltimore Sun will still have an ex- steadily approaching and no end to but did shout, "If these guys don't Jancuska's knowledge may come in cuse not to give UMBC big-time cov- the walk-out in sight, I felt this was shape up, I'm gonna... I'm gonna ... handy. erage. my big chance to make it to the ah hell!!" Coach Jancuska has not figured out what he will do about his coaching duties here at UMBC as he makes the Fans Got Taste Of Player Life move from his Sykseville, MD home to sunny Florida, but with Sparky Angelos Gave Fans Real Perspective Anderson on leave from the Detroit Tigers with nothing to do, the vener- able Reds-Tigers skipper may be the shirt. I could hardly believe my eyes. "But Rollie, my kids are in school Ed I. Torial perfect fit as an interim Coach. I bounded up the front stairs and there here and I just bought season tick- Deceiver Staph Infection Jancuska is certainly skilled hanging from the top of the doorway ets to the CFL's!" Cochran cried. enough to take the field. A 1975 was a red tag. I knew it could only "Sorry F., We've already optioned Oriole's Owner Peter Angelos has graduate of the University of Dela- mean one thing: I was being sent to you out. Besides, be happy that the distinguished himself as being a rebel ware, he was a starting outfielder and Rochester. But why. I ran to the man CFL's didn't nail you first or you'd owner. His refusal to use replacement team captain of the baseball team. in the stained blue overalls. It was be halfway to the Yukon Territory by players during the current baseball He may also have another decided Roland Hemond. 'Rollie,' I asked, now." strike has made him a pariah among "Hey, They Cut My Wire!" It advantage. While other players were 'What have I done to get demoted?' busy driving trucks, being private his fellow millionaires. was not only the fans at home games Unfortunately for Cochran, this security guards, or playing profes- Though it had never been quite who were subject to the new system. was no mix-up. "F," sighed Hemond, sional basketball, Jancuska has been clear whether Angelos really felt Oliver Klozof, an investment banker then "What the hell does F. stand for around the game all the time and has sympathy toward the players or from Olney, had season tickets to all anyway? You missed two Oriole not lost his edge. whether he just wanted baseball to home games and subscribed to Home home games last week and you were While he is aware of the contro- resume so he could keep the money Team Sports to keep up with the O's busy trying to look down the shirt of versy surrounding replacement play- rolling in, his latest stunt has certainly when they were on the road. One the blond bombshell two rows down ers, Jancuska is willing to take the cleared up any doubts. night, the Orioles were being blown during the third game of the Yankee risk to fulfill a dream. "I've always Angelos, who made his money out by the White Sox when, during a series. Do you think this fan thing is wanted to roam the outfield of Yan- representing victims of asbestos in lull in the action, Klozof channel- kee Stadium in the footsteps of court, returned to the hallowed halls a joke? We need your support during surfed his way over to Nova where Mantle, Winfield and Polonia," he of justice where he obtained a court these games. You're going to Roch- they were running a special on waxed nostalgically, "I'm not gonna order which allowed him to start ester. There you can work on your French Guinea Pygmies. Suddenly treating select club-level season fundamentals like showing up and let some overpaid loser like Don Fehr ticket holders in the same way that paying attention to the game." SEE JOCK, PAGE 24 shatter my dreams." players are treated. Angelos explains this, his latest public relations venture. "I think that if fans knew what it was like to re- Paul Otto / Deceiver Staff ally be a ball player - with all of the In the spirit of Harold Minor and Bill Walton, Tony Thompson (23) pressure involved — they would re- and Matt Dresler (54) are taking UMBC Basketball to the Pac-10. alize that players deserve their money." The plan went into effect as THIS WEEK IN UMBC SPURTS soon as the regular players returned Yesterday, April 1 to action in late April 1995. * Like you really care what's going on unless you are, coach, or date a Following are some of the inci- UMBC athlete. dents which were orchestrated by Angelos to get his point across: Monday-Monday, April 1 "The Mysterious Moving Van" * Men's Basketball vs. UMS Board of Regents - that space on the Quad One fine May evening, attorney F. slated to be a new pool 1:30 -1:00 pm Lee Cochran tried to pull into his Another Saturday Night, April 1 Mount Washington home driveway * Men's LAX vs. Women's Latex Condoms - Hillside Apts. when, to his surprise he found it 7->9pm, 9:15-10 pm, l,Q;30-10:55pm, 12-12:15am, 2-2:05am blocked by a Mayflower moving van. Cochran tells us what happened. Ruby Tuesday, April 1 "I got out of my BMW and ran * UMBC Spurts Department vs. Student Apathy - UMBC Fieldmouse over to the van. I saw these men 7:O0-7-*50pm moving my belongings out of my Sunday Bloody Sunday, April 1 house. There went my Cal Ripken ©Touchstone Pictures. All Rights Reserved. * Men's soccer vs.-Women's swimming UMBC Track, Stardate Milk poster and my "I stained this T- Now that UMBC has joined the Pac Ten, we'll need one of these. Let's scrap the plans for a new 040^995.42 shirt with Boogs B-BQ sauce" T- .Research Park and use the land for a new stadium. Next stop, the Roso Bowl.