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Home , Adam Burish, Brian Campbell, Dany Heatley, Devin Setoguchi, Frazer McLaren, Jed Ortmeyer

$3 Merry Christmas Damn It $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com December 22nd, 2009 [email protected] PATTY, JOE, AND CRASH: A LOVE STORY One day, you will say you were there Like An Orange On A Toothpick Dan Boyle is among the leading scorers in the when the decided to trap Ah, yes, another grudge-match for league from the blue line, but past that? Well, the Blackhawks. Nothing could be farther from the Hawks. You know you’re good when you hard to say. They don’t get a lot of scoring their ethos, and God knows they’ve bitched repeatedly have to face teams that have a bone from any other d-man, and they’re giving up about trapping teams before. Sure, it was due to pick with you (namely kicking the shit out of 30 shots per game, so how much defend- to their injury list, but that’s a huge amount of you in your building. People tend to frown on ing are they getting either? While Sharks respect and fear being accorded to the Hawks that). The Sharks come in after pulling a 4-2 fans seemed to hate him, this team looks like that Detroit didn’t even think about trying to win our of their...well, Sharks don’t have asses, it’s missing , who provided play their normal game. It won’t look like that so whatever they have instead. They were backup to Dan Boyle in scoring from the blue in March when Scum returns to the UC, but outshot 30-18 in the first two periods before line (his 19 points would look pretty tasty right we’ll take it for now. gaining a clue in the 3rd. kept now). As for the game itself, once Camp- them from getting swept out of the building, That makes it sound like the Sharks bell’s hit twine it was effectively over so expect coach Todd McLellan to ride the roll are a middle of the road team. They most -- though we were delighted to finally see here (and further assure that Nabby will be certainly are not. No one can boast the talent Osgood give up a couple of stoppable goals. sufficiently out of gas come April). on their top line that San Jose does (though We keep hearing about him doing that against That was the second win in a row for they’ve broken that unit up, sliding Heatley other teams, but never us. The Wings simply the Sharks, but that follows a five-game balls- down with Pavelski). Marleau is playing some didn’t have enough firepower to break through up. The major thing plaguing San Jose during of the best hockey of his career right now, and the Iron Curtain defense the Hawks are sport- that losing streak? Pretty much what everyone has pulled his team out of that losing streak. ing right now. The Incredible Hulk would thought it would be, and that’s secondary It’ll be interesting to see how the struggle (at least Ed Norton’s version. Eric scoring. While Marleau, Thornton, and #15 Sharks treat this one tonight. They’ve lost Bana’s could fucking fly, for reasons unex- Crash Bandicoot keep piling up the points, no their last four to the Hawks, culminating in plained. Anyway, both those movies sucked). one else is. Ryan Clowe’s last night was that prison sex the night before Thanksgiving. So, that’s one-third of the heavy- his first in six. has one goal Maybe it’s just another regular season game, weight-triple header down. If the Hawks are in 13 games (though he is fighting off a knee but you wonder if another humbling loss going to drop one of these, they’d be bet- injury). If you’re seriously counting on goals would shake the Sharks mentally. Would they ter off doing it tonight, so as not to lose any from , Scott Nichol, and Jed head into April praying to not run into Chi- ground to Scum. But the way things are going Ortmeyer, you sir are fucked without any of cago? Either way, they have a to prove for all three of these teams right now, Hawks the customary fun. tonight. Whether they do or not depends on fans should expect a clean sweep. A win It’s not just at forward that the Sharks their top line. As we saw in San Jose, if they’re tonight would give the Hawks a four-point are Brianna-Banks-top-heavy. Defenseman having an off night, the Sharks are chum. -M. advantage over the Sharks, with two games in hand. Sounds good to us. Late In The Evenin’... “...about this time of night, 51 Phantom gets to feelin’ right.

We feel it has to be mentioned on the front page now. has been the best player on the Hawks --and probably on the ice -- for the past two weeks. In fact, why don’t we just let our friend John at The Fifth Feather sum it up for us: “I’m a little too young to fondly recall Paul Coffey’s days in , but I have to believe it looked a lot like Brian Campbell’s last two games. Campbell has been a defensive dynamo. Every time he takes control of the puck he’s a threat to create a scoring op- portunity for the Hawks. Not to mention, he puts the opposition immediately on their heels once he gains possession. He’s a lot of fun to watch. Don’t worry though, he’ll get booed again soon enough.” That is the unfortunate part. Camp- bell is only a turnover or two from being a pariah again. But for now, enjoy a player who’s playing the best hockey of his career, “What do I want for Christmas? Uh...um....uh...” and making the Hawks a force because of it. From The Editor

think it was that night that the special bond Hawks fans have with this There are lots of dates you can point to for when the Hawks team was born. Both players and fans were entering a new era, and it organization’s rebirth began. Some would say it was the day Bill Wirtz was this moment that signaled we were ready to do it together. I know died (though I doubt any of us were sober enough to remember it). I’ll never forget it. Some would argue it was when Rocky took offi cial control and sent Bob Pulford out to pasture. Others would say it was the day the Hawks -This will be the fourth Christmas in a row I write this little soliloquy drafted or . All are valid choices, as are -- be it here, on the blog, or on various message boards I used to be a many others. For me, the true signal that the Hawks member of. Christmas is always a good time for me were back was two years ago tomorrow. to reiterate why I’m a Hawks fan and why I love being You remember, don’t you? Dec. 23rd, 2007 one of you. In most ways, this publication is my love against the Oilers. The Hawks won 3-2, Brent Sea- letter to you (so gay!). brook had two goals. Patrick Kane had a sweet assist to Despite some recent minor glitches, there is no to tie it. The building was full for one of cooler group to be a part of than Hawks fans. While the fi rst times that year (the allure of a new Hawks Era there may be some traces of the following amongst us, hadn’t quite kicked in yet). But it wasn’t the game that they aren’t the massive epidemics you fi nd in the other made this night memorable. fandoms in this city. There’s no blue-collar, gotta-be- After stoned the Oilers in tough-like-Ditka bullshit you fi nd rampant amongst a frantic last minute to preserve the win, the place went Bears fans. There’s little frat-boy yelling, drunken up for grabs. The Hawks headed back to the dressing Sam Fels boobery that comes along with being a Cubs fan. room, but didn’t stay there for long. They came back You’ll fi nd scant, if any, inferiority complex that ac- to salute the crowd, at the urging of Martin LaPointe. companies being a Sox fan. There’s no blind ignorance Hawks fans became even louder. The Hawks players applauded us just of the sport you claim to watch that Bulls fans are affected by. as passionately, and for a good few minutes. That’s where the United For the overwhelming majority of us, we are passionate and Center salute was born. we are knowledgeable. We have been kicked to the ground by our team It was then I knew for a fact hockey was back in Chicago. and have survived to cherish what we have now. We are the coolest The entire game had the atmosphere that had been missing for so long. band in town now, and we got in on the ground fl oor. It is my distinct Obviously, the players noticed it as well, and we’re thanking us for it. honor and pleasure to write this for you. I wouldn’t want to be any- For too long these professionals had toiled in front of friends and fam- where else. From everyone here and at Second City Hockey, we wish ily only, and wanted to show their appreciation for the new support. I you a very safe and Merry Christmas. NHL STANDINGS

Eastern Conference Western Conference

ATLANTIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY CENTRAL W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY New Jersey 26 8 1 53 106 75 13-6-0 13-2-1 HAWKS 23 8 3 49 103 71 16-3-1 7-5-2 Pittsburgh 25 11 1 51 116 95 12-6-1 13-5-0 Nashville 22 11 3 47 106 101 12-6-1 10-5-2 NY Rangers 17 16 3 37 99 102 7-9-1 10-7-2 Urine Stain 18 13 5 41 98 96 11-6-2 7-7-3 NY Islanders 13 17 7 33 90 120 7-7-2 6-10-5 St. Louis 16 14 5 37 91 97 6-11-2 10-3-3 Philadelphia 15 18 2 32 95 103 9-9-2 6-9-0 Columbus 14 16 7 35 105 131 8-6-4 6-10-3

NORTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY NORTHWEST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY Buffalo 22 10 3 47 94 76 12-5-3 10-5-0 Colorado 21 11 6 48 113 110 10-4-2 11-7-4 Boston 17 11 7 41 90 87 10-6-3 7-5-4 20 11 4 44 101 87 9-6-1 11-5-3 Ottawa 18 14 4 40 100 103 13-5-3 5-9-1 Vancouver 20 16 0 40 110 93 14-6-0 6-10-0 Montreal 17 18 3 37 97 107 9-9-2 8-9-1 Minnesota 17 16 3 37 93 103 10-4-1 7-12-2 Toronto 13 16 8 34 106 130 7-8-4 6-8-4 Edmonton 15 17 4 34 107 120 8-9-2 7-8-2

SOUTHEAST W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY PACIFIC W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY Washington 22 8 6 50 130 100 10-2-3 12-6-3 San Jose 21 8 7 49 119 95 9-2-5 12-6-2 Atlanta 18 13 4 40 115 108 8-7-3 10-6-1 Los Angeles 22 12 3 47 111 108 10-4-2 12-8-1 Florida 16 15 7 39 111 122 6-6-5 10-9-2 Phoenix 22 13 2 46 96 85 13-5-0 9-8-2 Tampa Bay 13 14 9 35 91 109 7-4-4 6-10-5 Dallas 15 10 11 41 107 112 8-4-5 7-6-6 Carolina 9 21 6 24 89 131 8-8-2 1-13-4 Anaheim 14 14 7 35 99 111 10-8-2 4-6-5

TOP 10 PUCK DROP Top 10 Signs It’s Christmas At The UC Rob Blake- Ready for the fir- 10. Adam Burish walks around with mistletoe affixed to his belt ing squad, San Jose: Now that Marleau doesn’t wear the C, buckle. Rob Blake will get to explain 9. The ghost of owners past keeps pouring water into the beer kegs. another Sharks collapse this 8. Foley’s microphone smells of egg nog instead whiskey. spring, or take all the blame for them. Blake was an interesting 7. The Bulls fire a coach. choice for , as it seems 6. Tommy Hawk follows around the Ice Crew asking if they’d like to pretty temporary. He’s 40, so see his secret santa. one wonders how much longer he will stick around. Secondly, 5. As a special present to Coach Q, dumps the puck can you name someone captain into the zone once. who very well may be one of the biggest causes of 4. McDonough wears his grinch costume. Strangely, he looks the your downfall? Blake got absolutely torched versus the Ducks in the first round last spring. He was a -5 same way he does every other day. in six games, and his Behind The Net Rating for the 3. Dustin Byfuglien’s facial expression changes .05% series was -3.02. To clarify, the Sharks were three 2. Ben Eager thinks it’s the 4th of July goals worse off for every 60 minutes Blake spent on the ice during the playoffs. He’s not all that quick, 1. Committed Indian staff trying to exchange candy-canes for beer. and isn’t all that dymanic offensively, either. One wonders how he’ll cope when he’s facing the Hawks or Wings in a series. We think it will be ugly. 23-8-3

This is 4th in the league, and the Hawks have six players in the Top 25 in +/-, most of anybody. # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary/Cap Hit 88 R 20-Cent 5' 10" 178 20 34 10 24 34 12 14 1 0 2 99 10.1 875K/3.7M 2 D "A" 6' 1" 196 26 34 6 22 28 9 20 1 1 1 84 7.1 1.9M/1.4M 10 L The Sharp-Shooter "A" 6' 1" 199 27 34 10 16 26 11 10 2 1 2 119 8.4 4M/3.9M 19 C Captain Marvel "C" 6' 2" 210 21 28 10 13 23 16 10 5 0 0 67 14.9 850K/2.7M 32 L VerStud 5' 10" 182 23 33 10 10 20 8 14 3 2 2 93 10.8 3.0M/3.0M 51 D 51 Phantom 6' 0" 189 30 34 3 16 19 11 12 2 0 1 60 5 7.1M/7.1M 7 D Brent Seabrook 6' 3" 218 24 32 3 13 16 13 15 0 0 2 63 4.8 3.5M/3.5M 22 R Troy Brouwer 6' 2" 214 24 34 8 7 15 4 26 4 1 4 51 15.7 1.0M/1.0M 33 R Dustin Byfuglien 6' 4" 257 24 34 10 3 13 -1 48 3 0 2 72 13.9 3.0M/3.0M 16 L Mountain 6' 2" 200 23 34 5 7 12 7 37 0 0 0 63 7.9 1.6M/1.5M 25 D Cam Barker 6' 3" 215 23 33 4 8 12 2 18 3 0 1 57 7 3.0M/3.0M 11 C The Telestrator 5' 11" 190 36 34 5 6 11 -2 10 0 0 0 55 9.1 2.7M/2.7M 81 R Hossbollah 6' 1" 210 30 12 5 5 10 3 2 0 1 0 40 12.5 7.9M/5.2M 4 D Super Nintendo Hjalmers 6' 3" 205 22 33 1 6 7 12 10 0 0 0 21 4.8 643K/666K 36 C Fabulous Weapon ** 6' 0" 181 23 13 2 4 6 3 14 0 0 0 20 10 3.3M/3.3M 5 D Brent Sopel 6' 1" 201 32 33 1 4 5 -1 18 0 0 0 20 5 2.5M/2.3M 6 D Jordan Hendry 6' 0" 197 25 12 0 3 3 3 4 0 0 0 3 0 525k/525k 46 C Colin Fraser 6' 1" 190 24 34 0 3 3 -3 26 0 0 0 41 0 700K/700K 55 L Ben Eager 6' 2" 230 25 19 2 1 3 2 45 0 0 0 21 9.5 965K/965K 82 C Tomas Kopecky 6' 3" 203 27 32 1 2 3 -8 10 0 0 1 36 2.8 1.2M/1.2M 29 L Bryan Bickell 6' 4" 223 23 8 1 0 1 3 0 0 0 1 10 10 500K/21K Kaner blew two prime chances on Sunday by getting far too cute. We know chances on Sunday by getting prime Kaner blew two play. you’ve got the mad skillz, kid, but sometimes a shot is best Totals/Averages 6’ 1” 203.4 25.4 99 173 23 11.2/g 24 6 33.0/g 8.8% Based on what we’ve seen from Bickell, the Hawks must be considering shutting down Ben Eager for a long time, if not the year. No player should have their brain turned into mush, and Bickell can fill in ably on the 4th line, and will look better next to raving lunatic Adam Burish when he returns. # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI GS Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary/Cap Hit 39 Cristobal Huet 6' 1" 205 34 26 26 1525 2.01 16 7 2 3 607 51 .916 0 0 0 5.6M/5.6M 31 Antti Niemi 6' 2" 210 26 9 8 545 1.76 7 1 1 3 220 16 .927 0 0 0 827K/827K Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 29 2.00 23 8 3 6 24.4/g 68 .919 0 0 0

TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $56,513,032 CAP SPACE: $286,968* Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 2 Keith 7 Seabrook Injury List - Out (Back) 22 Brouwer 19 Toews 88 Kane 51 Campbell 4 Hjalmarsson Adam Burish- Out (Knee) 16 Ladd 10 Sharp 81 Hossa 5 Sopel 6 Hendry Cam Barker- Out (Leg) Ben Eager- Questionable (Being Ben 32 Versteeg 11 Madden 33 Byfuglien Eager) 29 Bickell 46 Fraser 82 Kopecky Committed Indian T-shirts...... ARE HERE! CHECK SECOND CITY HOCKEY. COM FOR DETAILS Puffer Fish 21-8-7

Boyle’s on a six-game point scoring streak, in which he has...six points. How very Hawk According to Behind The Net, Pavelski is the 9th best Harrelson. even-strength player in the league. # Pos Player HT WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary/Cap Hit 19 C "A" 6' 4" 235 30 36 9 40 49 10 8 3 0 1 72 12.5 7.2M/7.2M 12 C 6' 2" 220 30 36 23 16 39 13 4 5 2 5 123 18.7 6.3M/6.3M 15 L 6' 4" 221 28 36 21 18 39 9 26 10 1 4 112 18.8 8.0M/7.5M 22 D Dan Boyle "A" 5' 11" 190 33 36 7 23 30 7 24 3 0 1 90 7.8 6.6M/6.6M 29 L Ryane Clowe 6' 2" 225 27 36 8 17 25 6 57 0 0 0 67 11.9 3.5M/3.6M 8 C 5' 11" 195 25 21 6 10 16 9 12 1 0 0 82 7.3 1.7M/1.6M 27 C Manny Malhotra 6' 2" 217 29 36 7 6 13 7 14 2 0 2 52 13.5 700K/700K 60 D Jason Demers 6' 1" 185 21 29 1 12 13 4 10 1 0 0 31 3.2 535K/545K 16 R Devin Setoguchi 6' 0" 200 22 24 9 3 12 2 0 4 0 1 54 16.7 765K/1.2M 40 D Kent Huskins 6' 4" 205 30 36 1 10 11 4 31 0 0 0 17 5.9 1.7M/1.7M 44 D Marc-Edouard Vlasic 6' 1" 200 22 36 2 8 10 3 15 0 0 0 45 4.4 2.4M/3.1M 4 D Rob Blake "C" ** 6' 4" 225 39 25 2 6 8 2 22 1 0 0 62 3.2 3.5M/3.5M 41 R Jed Ortmeyer 6' 0" 188 31 35 4 4 8 2 18 0 0 1 63 6.3 550K/550K 3 D Douglas Murray 6' 3" 240 29 34 1 6 7 8 37 0 0 0 31 3.2 2.5M/2.5M 64 L Jamie McGinn 6' 0" 185 21 30 5 0 5 -4 14 0 0 1 45 11.1 710K/910K 21 C Scott Nichol 5' 9" 178 34 36 1 3 4 -7 36 0 1 0 53 1.9 750K/750K 45 L Jody Shelley 6' 3" 225 33 17 0 3 3 1 52 0 0 0 10 0 725K/725K 59 R Brad Staubitz 6' 1" 215 25 15 2 1 3 -1 47 0 0 1 11 18.2 500K/500K 68 L Frazer McLaren 6' 4" 235 22 18 1 2 3 4 44 0 0 0 9 11.1 535K/434K 17 C Torrey Mitchell 5' 11" 190 24 10 0 0 0 1 4 0 0 0 9 0 1.0M/1.3M 28 D Jay Leach 6' 4" 220 30 8 0 0 0 -1 7 0 0 0 5 0 500k/167K Totals/Averages 6' 2" 209.2 27.8 116 188 17 14.2/g 30 4 31.4/g 10.2% This could be part of the problem with the recent slide. It’s eighth-worst. While the Sharks PK is very good, spending too much time on it can throw off a team’s rhythm, not to mention fatigue. # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI GS Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 20 Evgeni Nabokov 6’ 0” 200 34 31 31 1849 2.34 18 5 7 2 931 72 .923 0 0 6 6.0M/5.3M 1 Thomas Greiss 6' 1" 200 23 7 5 344 2.79 3 3 0 0 178 16 .910 0 0 2 550K/550K Totals/Averages 6’ 0” 200 28 2.50 21 8 7 2 30.9/g 90 .920 0 0 8 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,135,195 Probable Lines Probable Pairings CAP SPACE: $ -335,195 *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 22 Boyle 3 Murray 16 Setoguchi 19 Thornton 12 Marleau 4 Blake 44 Vlasic Injury List Jody Shelley- Out (Stupidity) 15 Heatley 8 Pavelski 29 Clowe 40 Huskins 28 Leach 27 Malhotra 21 Nichol 41 Ortmeyer 64 McGinn 17 Mitchell 68 McLaren The Chicago Blackhaws Christmas Wish List

Dustin Byfuglien: Adam Burish: Patrick Kane: I don’t care. What- I’m good, I get the Whatever it takes ever. I mean,..nah, 7th abortion for free, to get Burish away I don’t care. Any- so that last one is from my sisters. thing, I guess. Or nothing. Doesn’t getting scraped at no matter. charge to Big Burr.

Niklas Hjalmarsson: Tomas Kopecky: I think I’ve attained : Maybe one day off enough status for my Can I get another from picking up own Swedish nanny. McDonough voodoo Marian’s dry-clean- Oh, and one for doll? I kind of lit ing. Burish so he’ll stop fucking asking me the last one on fi re. about it.

Kris Versteeg: I could while away the Ben Eager: bleah- hours, conferrin’ with the Stan Bowman: fl owers, Consultin’ with bo avhbooau woua- Daddy says I used the rain. And my head up my Christmas ond bonaiodoag. I’d be scratchin’ while my thoughts were busy present this summer. hatchin’ Big meanie! If I only had a brain.

Patrick Sharp: A John McDonough: secret mailbox so Brent Seabrook: Um, I could use my fi ance will stop That’s cool, I’ll get some balm for a seeing all the under- what I want after certain area after all wear the women of next season. Isn’t these Chicago sports Chicago keep send- that right, Stan? writers have been ing me. sucking me off.

Jonathan Toews: Duncan Keith: A I guess it would be Rocky Wirtz: new trophy case for cool if Steve Yzer- Straight-gangsta’ the Norris that’s on man would stop tak- mac don’t be its way. ing pictures of me in needin’ nuffi n’! the shower. The Fight Card HAWKS v SHARKS Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfi ghts.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 11-15-09 Eager v. 2nd. Murray acts like a real tough guy and picks Murray 0:42 a fi ght because he wears a visor. Eager still √ √ able to land most of the shots. 11-16-08 Burish v. 1st. As it always is, Burr diving in to the deep end Murray II 12:30 of the pool when he can barely swim, and √ fi ght resembles same. 3-7-08 Wiz v. 2nd. Wiz bravely, or insanely, takes on Shark Murray 11:21 heavy, and lands a few nice shots, but takes a √ √ few more. Bless him, though. 2-2-08 Burish v. 1st. See above. Murray 0:12 √ √

What To Expect: One would have to expect the Sharks have a point to prove after removing many things from their ass after that 7-2 loss. One way they might try is to take it to the Hawks physically, which could lead to a kerfl uffl e. Lots of possibilites here. With Shelley out, Clowe and McClaren are the most likely dance partners. You’ll get one, wethinks. Power Play Kill adjusted for short-handed goals against adjusted for shorthanded goals for Team Opp PPG SHGA PP% Team Opp PPG SHGA PP% Team TS PPGA SHG PK% Team TS PPGA SHG PK% ATL 131 30 2 21.4% COL 151 28 3 16.6% CHI 113 16 6 91.2% FLA 150 31 5 82.7% MTL 113 26 2 21.2% PHI 145 30 6 16.6% BOS 124 16 2 88.7% COL 155 31 4 82.6% VAN 147 33 2 21.1% TBL 154 28 3 16.2% STL 142 20 3 88.0% CBJ 154 31 4 82.5% NJD 131 29 2 20.6% LAK 142 27 4 16.2% SJS 142 21 4 88.0% CAR 154 32 4 81.8% ANA 132 31 4 20.5% PHX 140 24 2 15.7% NYR 153 23 3 86.9% ANA 163 33 3 81.6% CBJ 142 33 4 20.4% NYI 145 24 2 15.2% OTT 151 25 5 86.8% VAN 140 29 1 80.0% WSH 144 33 4 20.1% OTT 127 21 2 15.0% PIT 141 24 5 86.5% LAK 145 31 2 80.0% NYR 132 29 3 19.7% STL 129 22 3 14.7% BUF 118 18 2 86.4% TBL 154 32 1 79.9% DAL 160 33 3 18.8% FLA 154 27 5 14.3% CGY 137 24 5 86.1% WSH 136 29 1 79.4% DET 145 27 0 18.6% BUF 155 25 3 14.2% ATL 135 25 6 85.9% PHI 160 36 3 79.4% CHI 123 24 2 17.9% NSH 135 22 3 14.1% MIN 134 22 3 85.8% DAL 116 26 2 79.3% CGY 123 23 1 17.9% CAR 152 23 3 13.2% MTL 169 27 2 85.2% NSH 121 29 3 78.5% TOR 135 26 2 17.8% BOS 122 20 4 13.1% NJD 108 19 3 85.2% NYI 142 36 3 76.8% SJS 142 30 5 17.6% MIN 146 25 6 13.0% PHX 160 26 1 84.4% EDM 124 29 0 76.6% EDM 141 27 3 17.0% PIT 159 22 3 11.9% DET 123 23 2 82.9% TOR 133 38 3 73.7% Spotlight

When and if the Sharks go belly-up in the playoffs again, it will signal the end of Patrick Marleau’s Shark career. He’s unre- stricted after the season, and if the Sharks decide they need to make major changes, this is one that’s easily done. Frankly, we hope for Marleau’s sake that he does get to move on somewhere else. Somewhere that already has a captain, where he won’t have to deal with the bullshit he’s gone through in San Jose. Maybe that’s part of being a captain in the NHL, but Marleau has borne the brunt of criticism for the Sharks’ capitulations. We can only assume that everyone who chided Marleau didn’t actually bother to watch the playoffs the past two seasons. Marleau was the only Shark who skated as if he wasn’t about to shit himself out of fear. It was Marleau who scored the only big goals they managed the past two years. Are his numbers all that impressive in the playoffs? No, not that much. Two goals in the fi rst- round loss to the Ducks last year, though both of them were game-winning. Four goals in two rounds in 2008. But there’s an eye-test, and anyone who watched the Sharks in the past two postseasons knows that Marleau was fi ghting for every inch. Meanwhile it was Joe Thornton who skated around as if he was asking, “I still get paid no matter what I do here, right?” But he’s a big, goofy guy so no one bothers to ask him the tough questions. It got worse this summer, when head coach Todd McLellan threw Marleau under the bus and stripped him of the “C” (perhaps to distract everyone from the C- or worse coaching job he did against the Ducks). Nothing screams good coaching like making it clear your captain is to blame. This year, they’ve affi xed the letter to Rob Blake’s jersey, which should work out well when the quick forwards of the Hawks and Wings are consistently blowing right past him. Perhaps it was a move to alleviate pressure on #12, who could just play and not have to deal with the questions and obligations that follow being the captain. Perhaps it’s working, as Patty is on his way to shatter his career-high in goals (38). Or maybe it’s just skating with Thornton for an extended period of time. Either way, Marleau excels in all situ- ations, and will have a long line of teams looking to acquire his services next summer should the Sharks tell him to get on his bike. KNOW THY ENEMY

Once again, Mike Chen from Battle of California (battleofcali.com) and That’ll like to keep Heatley and Clowe together, as Clowe provides a good crease/rebound Cheech You from Fear The Fin (fearthefin.com) help us out with the Sharks. presence for Heatley’s shot. Then I’d just alternate Thornton and Pavelski in the middle based on whatever’s working. So what did Sharks fans make of the 7-2 defeat in November? Just a bad night Cheech: Although a line of Heatley-Thornton-Marleau screws with your overall at the office? Or a frightening vision of the future? depth, it’s hard to deny the talent those players have and the advantages gained by Chen: I think if anything, it was a reminder that on any given night, every single playing them together. However, McLellan has really tried to mix things up as of player on the team can have an awful game. Better to have that lesson now than in late, and has in turn shifted Heatley down to play with Pavelski a majority of the April. Also, it served as an indicator that the competition at the top-tier of the West- time. I understand what he’s trying to do (jump start Pavelski by giving him Heatley, ern Conference is and will be fierce. and jump start Setoguchi on Thornton’s line), but Heatley was brought here to play Cheech: Sharks fans took that loss harder than most any loss in recent memory... I with Thornton, and those two should never be separated. Marleau is deserving of a myself felt almost as sick about the game as I did when the team dropped the sixth top line spot as well, and can appear there in spots, but Setoguchi showed he could game to Anaheim in last years Playoffs. As much as I’d like to shrug play well there at the beginning of the year. In reality, we’d just like some consistent it off and say it was another day in the office, three shorthanded goals should never lines. Here’s what speaks to us... be allowed to happen under any circumstance, especially on home ice. However, I Heatley - Thornton - Setoguchi wouldn’t go so far as to say it was a “frightening vision of the future”, as I doubt it Marleau - Pavelski - Clowe will ever happen again. I’m not of the camp that thinks that you can “get losing out McGinn - Malhotra - Mitchell of the way”, but I do think that the Sharks ability to overcome some early struggles Ortmeyer - Nichol - McLaren will help them in the long run. Last year, the team wasn’t really embarrassed in the regular season. This year, coach McLellan has used the occasional embarrassment The Kings have passed you, and the Coyotes aren’t far behind. Are you guys and disappointment as a motivational tool and teaching opportunity. worried about either of these teams being long-term threats? Chen: I worry more about the Kings than the Coyotes, as the Kings have a more bal- Obviously, the big problem has been secondary scoring. While no one expects anced team and their success is more based on developing youth (Doughty is scary Malhotra, Nichol, and the Ortmeyer’s of the world to bang them in, why aren’t good). The Coyotes’ success stems more from 20 guys executing Dave Tippett’s Pavelski, Clowe, and Setoguchi producing as much? system and Ilya Bryzgalov’s strong goaltending. Phoenix could be more of a threat Chen: Clowe is ridiculously streaky. He started off the year with a frightening in the next 2-3 seasons if their young guys (Tikhonov, Turris, Mueller, Boedker) pan slump, then he got hot for a frightening stretch. Now he’s cooled off again, and we’ll out. see how things go. Setoguchi’s coming off an injury that took away his speed, and that’s taken time to come back. I’d say Pavelski’s consistently created chances even This is connected to the first question, but do the Sharks have to win tonight when he hasn’t finished, and he has a more complete game (face-offs, penalty for some sort of mental edge? They’ve lost to the Hawks when we were missing kill) than the other two. three of our top six and then got blown out of the building when we were at Cheech: Secondary scoring has been an issue to be sure, but timely scoring has been full-strength. Do the Sharks need a win here to know they can get them in April more of a problem as of late. And although Clowe had a rough start to the year, in May? he just snapped a 10 game point streak. As for Pavelski and Setoguchi, both have Cheech: I’m not really a believer in the “mental edge” theory, as I think the Sharks missed some considerable chunks of time this year. Although Pavelski has looked have put that loss far behind them. I think it would be the same if they had won the better as of late, he’s still got a long way to go before he regains his form. Setoguchi game in similar fashion as to how the Blackhawks did. San Jose has been a team that looked like he was going to have a career year next to Thornton and Heatley, but a has fallen victim to placing too much emphasis on past successes, and I believe that knee injury has haunted him all season. He’ has played on all four lines while trying because of this, they are taking this season game by game. While that may sound to get his form back. The second line will produce, but it’s been hard to establish cliche, I hope it’s the truth. If they do grab a win tonight, it would be a nice treat much chemistry with the injuries and almost constant line juggling. heading into the Christmas break. However, it shouldn’t matter in the long run. The Sharks already know they can beat any team if they play solid hockey. Although it What would be your preferred line combinations? As currently constructed the was a soul crusher, that 7-2 game should do little to sway that belief. Sharks are top-heavy, and we know there’s been talk about this in San Jose. Chen: I don’t like loading up Marleau, Heatley, and Thornton. For me, I’d like to keep Marleau and Setoguchi together, as their speed complements each other. I’d also

Sharks-HAWKS: The Last 4

Nov. 25th, 2009: Hawks 7 - Sharks 2 Nov. 15th, 2009: Sharks 3 - Hawks 4(OT) “You can’t make romance on a subway line! Missing three of their top-six, Hawks battle back Conductor don’t like it, says, ‘Wastin’ your time.” from 3-1 deficit in 2nd to force OT. There, Toews BUT EVERYBODY WANTS SOME! and Brouwer force a turnover that leads to Captain I WANT SOME TOO!” Marvel feeding Seabrook to win it. Biscuit then totally biffs his celebration.

Mar. 25, 2009: Sharks 5 - Hawks 6 (SO) Jan. 31st, 200: Hawks 4 - Sharks 2 Absolute rubber-room of a game. Hawks blow 4-1 Remember when we thought this as well as you lead and then Thornton piles through Seabrook like could play in The Tank? Toews nets twice, as do Adrian Peterson to tie it at 5. Roenick misses in Keith and VerStud (a shorty) as Hawks thump shootout in his final act in Chicago. Sharks’ skulls. Do Sharks have skulls? Whatever. Hockey Sabermetrics CHICAGO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging RATING for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging RATING for teammates on ice with player. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60.

NAME TOI/60 QUALCOMP QUALTEAM GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Jonathan Toews 14.5 0.09 0.316 3.25 1.48 1.77 2.11 2.04 0.06 1.71 Jordan Hendry 8.3 -0.054 -0.397 2.41 0.6 1.81 2.23 1.84 0.39 1.41 Patrick Kane 14.86 0.048 0.104 3.21 1.78 1.42 1.95 1.84 0.11 1.32 Patrick Sharp 13.7 0.058 0.163 2.96 1.55 1.42 2.09 1.94 0.16 1.26 Brent Seabrook 17.72 0.153 -0.014 2.54 1.69 0.85 2.2 2.07 0.13 0.72 N. Hjalmarsson 16.72 -0.002 0.043 2.17 1.3 0.87 2.32 1.97 0.36 0.51 Andrew Ladd 12.92 0.049 -0.05 2.87 2.05 0.82 2.15 1.74 0.41 0.41 Kris Versteeg 12.73 0.077 0.093 2.29 1.57 0.71 2.31 1.89 0.42 0.29 Brian Campbell 18.63 0.003 0.127 2.56 1.89 0.66 2.21 1.78 0.43 0.23 Ben Eager 7.89 -0.027 -0.735 1.6 0.8 0.8 2.2 1.57 0.63 0.17 Cam Barker 10.96 -0.042 -0.366 2.49 1.99 0.5 2.29 1.84 0.45 0.05 Marian Hossa 14.12 0.069 0.562 1.77 1.77 0 1.8 1.65 0.15 -0.15 Duncan Keith 19.64 0.134 0.169 2.34 1.98 0.36 2.35 1.71 0.63 -0.28 Troy Brouwer 12.59 0.088 -0.081 2.1 1.82 0.28 2.43 1.82 0.61 -0.33 Dustin Byfuglien 13.48 0.04 0.187 1.83 1.83 0 2.55 1.82 0.73 -0.73 13.03 0.065 0.03 1.76 2.3 -0.54 2.56 1.64 0.92 -1.47 Brent Sopel 11.44 -0.02 -0.067 1.75 2.38 -0.64 2.52 1.66 0.86 -1.49 Colin Fraser 7.6 -0.029 -0.377 1.39 2.32 -0.93 2.53 1.73 0.8 -1.73 Tomas Kopecky 8.35 -0.031 -0.303 1.12 2.69 -1.57 2.69 1.73 0.96 -2.53

Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Corsi Rating This is a measure of a team’s goals-for Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are at- Penalties Drawn This measures how many goals a team per 60 minutes of player being on the tempted against while a given player is on the ice, gives up per 60 minutes the player is on vs. Taken ice on the power play the ice on the PK. per 60 min. . Player GFON/60 Player GA/60 NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Jonathan Toews 11.15 Jonathan Toews 0 Jordan Hendry 19.1 Colin Fraser 1.6 0.2 Duncan Keith 10.2 Marian Hossa 3.35 Marian Hossa 15.2 Jonathan Toews 1.5 0.6 Patrick Sharp 9.92 Duncan Keith 3.38 Jonathan Toews 12.9 Patrick Kane 1.1 0.5 Brent Seabrook 9.03 Brent Sopel 4.14 Patrick Sharp 12.9 Kris Versteeg 1.1 0.6 Kris Versteeg 8.65 Kris Versteeg 4.49 Brian Campbell 5.2 John Madden 1.1 0.4 Marian Hossa 8.28 Colin Fraser 4.54 Cam Barker 4.9 Dustin Byfuglien 0.9 1.7 Troy Brouwer 7 N. Hjalmarsson 4.62 Patrick Kane 4.7 N. Hjalmarsson 0.8 0.5 Brian Campbell 7 Troy Brouwer 4.77 Kris Versteeg -0.3 Ben Eager 0.8 1.2 Patrick Kane 6.89 Patrick Sharp 4.93 Duncan Keith -1.1 Marian Hossa 0.7 0.4 Tomas Kopecky 5.97 Brent Seabrook 5.39 Brent Sopel -1.7 Troy Brouwer 0.7 0.8 Cam Barker 5.52 John Madden 5.59 Andrew Ladd -2.7 Jordan Hendry 0.6 1.2 Dustin Byfuglien 5.05 Dustin Byfuglien -3.7 Brent Sopel 0.5 1 Tomas Kopecky -4.3 Patrick Sharp 0.4 0.6 Colin Fraser -4.5 Duncan Keith 0.4 0.6 Face-offs N. Hjalmarsson -4.8 Andrew Ladd 0.4 0.8 Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Ben Eager -5.8 Tomas Kopecky 0.4 0.9 Jonathan Toews 495 60.6 Troy Brouwer -6.5 Brian Campbell 0.2 0.4 Patrick Sharp 144 56.2 Brent Seabrook -6.9 Cam Barker 0.2 1.3 John Madden 527 54.6 John Madden -13.1 Brent Seabrook 0.2 0.4 Colin Fraser 211 48.3 Total Rank: 2nd 53.7 Hockey Sabermetrics SAN JOSE NAME TOI/60 QUALCOMP QUALTEAM GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Joe Pavelski 12.93 0.072 0.219 3.76 1.33 2.43 2.66 2.58 0.09 2.34 Patrick Marleau 14.16 0.021 0.245 4.12 2.35 1.77 2.26 1.99 0.26 1.5 Frazer McLaren 5.83 -0.089 -0.243 2.86 0.57 2.29 3.17 2.31 0.86 1.43 Joe Thornton 14.82 0.071 0.146 3.82 2.25 1.57 2.36 2.04 0.32 1.25 Dany Heatley 15.34 0.078 0.3 3.69 2.61 1.09 2.4 1.85 0.54 0.54 Manny Malhotra 11.99 -0.027 -0.004 2.22 1.11 1.11 3.04 2.45 0.59 0.52 Kent Huskins 14.2 -0.03 -0.039 2.82 1.76 1.06 2.84 2.26 0.58 0.48 Ryan Clowe 14.67 0.126 0.347 3.18 2.16 1.02 2.67 2.08 0.59 0.44 Jason Demers 11.86 -0.05 -0.053 2.44 1.57 0.87 2.91 2.38 0.54 0.34 Dan Boyle 18.23 0.004 0.113 3.47 2.56 0.91 2.41 1.8 0.6 0.31 Devin Setoguchi 12.15 0.06 0.285 2.68 1.85 0.82 2.94 2.42 0.53 0.29 Douglas Murray 16.12 -0.002 0.208 2.96 2.3 0.66 2.89 1.95 0.94 -0.29 M.E. Vlasic 16.78 0.091 0.014 2.68 2.19 0.5 2.92 2.06 0.86 -0.36 Jed Ortmeyer 10.21 -0.033 -0.568 1.85 1.85 0 3.11 2.2 0.91 -0.91 Torrey Mitchell 8.38 -0.052 -0.103 1.43 0.72 0.72 3.78 2.14 1.64 -0.93 Rob Blake 14.86 0.1 0.116 2.26 1.94 0.32 3.2 1.87 1.33 -1 Brad Staubitz 6.19 -0.219 -0.649 1.94 2.58 -0.65 2.83 2.34 0.49 -1.13 Jamie McGinn 10.16 -0.035 -0.416 1.97 2.76 -0.79 3.13 1.79 1.34 -2.13 Scott Nichol 10.65 -0.044 -0.29 1.25 2.66 -1.41 3.31 1.94 1.37 -2.78

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings This measures how many shots are attempted for a This is a measure of a team’s goals for This measures how many goals a team vs. how many are attempted against while a vs. Taken per 60 minutes of player being on the team gives up per 60 minutes the given player is on the ice, per 60 min. ice on the power play. player is on the ice on the PK. NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Player GFON/60 Player GAON/60 Dan Boyle 16.5 Devin Setoguchi 2.1 0 Devin Setoguchi 11.19 Kent Huskins 1.1 Patrick Marleau 12.1 Scott Nichol 2 1.3 Joe Thornton 9.9 Joe Thornton 3.14 Joe Pavelski 11.3 Torrey Mitchell 1.4 1.4 Jason Demers 9.3 Scott Nichol 3.3 Torrey Mitchell 11.3 Brad Staubitz 1.3 3.9 Patrick Marleau 8.5 Jay Leach 3.81 Manny Malhotra 8 Joe Thornton 1.2 0.3 Dan Boyle 8.47 M.E. Vlasic 4.32 Douglas Murray 6 Frazer McLaren 1.1 0.6 Dany Heatley 8.3 Joe Pavelski 4.48 Ryan Clowe 2.7 Jed Ortmeyer 0.8 0.8 M.E. Vlasic 7.79 Rob Blake 4.77 Jed Ortmeyer 0.8 Dany Heatley 0.8 1 Rob Blake 7.49 Patrick Marleau 5.28 Dany Heatley 0.1 Dan Boyle 0.7 0.6 Joe Pavelski 6.49 Dan Boyle 5.65 Joe Thornton -1.6 Joe Pavelski 0.7 0.4 Ryan Clowe 5.54 Douglas Murray 5.84 M.E. Vlasic -2.4 Patrick Marleau 0.6 0.2 Kent Huskins 3.88 Jed Ortmeyer 6.72 Frazer McLaren -3.5 Manny Malhotra 0.6 0.7 M. Malhotra 8.27 Jamie McGinn -4.6 Ryan Clowe 0.6 1.1 Rob Blake -5.8 M.E. Vlasic 0.5 0.2 Devin Setoguchi -8.2 Jason Demers 0.5 0.7 Face-offs Jason Demers -8.7 Douglas Murray 0.4 0.9 Player Face-Offs Taken FO% Kent Huskins -9 Jamie McGinn 0.4 1.2 Manny Malhotra 302 62.2 Brad Staubitz -15.2 Rob Blake 0.2 1.5 Joe Pavelski 254 61.0 Scott Nichol -15.8 Kent Huskins 0.1 1.2 Scott Nichol 400 61.0 Patrick Marleau 335 54.5 Joe Thornton 583 53.3 Total Rank: 1st 56.3 Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks PK’s Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/Game W L OTL Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 12 8 10.3 4.0 2.6 3 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 2 8 6 7.0 4.0 3.0 1 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 1 4 5 9.0 4.0 5.0 0 1 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 2 8 10 10.0 4.0 5.0 1 1 0 6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 2 8 6 7.0 4.0 3.0 1 0 1 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 2 13 7 10.5 6.5 3.5 2 0 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 2 8 4 8.0 4.0 2.0 1 0 1 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 3 11 10 8.3 3.6 3.3 3 0 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 1 6 4 10.0 6.0 4.0 0 1 0 12 Koharski, Don 1981 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 13 O'Halloran, Dan 1995 2 10 6 9.0 5.0 3.0 2 0 0 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 2 8 8 8.0 4.0 4.0 2 0 0 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 2 12 11 11.5 6.0 5.0 1 1 0 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 1 3 4 7.0 3.0 4.0 1 0 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 2 5 5 5.0 2.5 2.5 2 0 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 23 Watson, Brad 1996 3 13 9 7.3 4.3 3.0 2 0 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 2 8 11 9.5 4.0 5.5 2 0 0 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 4.0 2.0 6.0 4.0 2.0 0 0 1 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 2 10 14 12.0 5.0 7.0 1 1 0 28 Lee, Chris 2001 2 4 7 5.5 2.0 3.5 1 1 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 2 10 8 14.5 5.0 4.0 2 0 0 30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 4 14 18 8.0 3.5 4.5 2 2 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 4 13 17 7.5 3.2 4.2 2 2 0 34 Meier, Brad 1999 3 12 11 7.6 4.0 3.6 3 0 0 36 Morton, Dean 2000 3 9 15 8.0 3.0 5.0 2 1 0 37 Rehman, Kyle 1 4 2 10.0 4.0 2.0 1 0 0 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 3 14 13 8.3 4.6 4.3 3 0 0 41 Ciamaga, Chris 2006 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 42 O'Rourke, Dan 1999 2 7 10 9.5 3.5 5.0 0 2 0 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 2 10 7 8.5 5.0 3.5 0 1 1 45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 46 Charron, Francis 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 48 L'Ecuyer, Frederick 2006 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

NHL LEADERS Goals Points GAA SV% Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 M. Gaborik NYR 25 1 J. Thornton SJ 49 1 Ryan Miller BUF 1.89 1 Ryan Miller BUF .938 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 23 2 M. Gaborik NYR 47 2 Tukka Rask BOS 1.97 2 Tukka Rask BOS .933 3 P. Marleau SJ 23 3 H. Sedin VAN 44 3 Cristobal Huet CHI 2.01 3 T. Conklin STL .932 4 S. Crosby PIT 22 4 S. Crosby PIT 43 4 I. Bryzgalov PHX 2.08 4 M. Kiprusoff CAL .927 5 D. Heatley SJ 21 5 A. Ovechkin WAS 41 5 M. Brodeur NJ 2.10 5 I. Bryzgalov PHX .924 56 Patrick Kane CHI 10 27 Patrick Kane CHI 34 17 Cristobal Huet CHI .916 Block Party Playing With Fire All things considered, Theo Fleury’s fortunate to be telling his own Jaw Warriors, his junior team, and turned pro with the Salt Lake Golden story. Eagles, the farm club of the . Playing With Fire, a Harper Collins fall release co-authored by While Fleury doesn’t name the player who turned him on to the Kirstie McLellan Day, is quite possibly the best hockey auto-biography drug and gave him his first joint, the background and description he includes released since Phil Esposito’s Thunder and Lightning, published exactly six in the book (mid-20’s at the time, talented forward and Manitoba native who years prior to Fleury’s. In many ways, Playing With Fire is considerably resided in Moose Jaw) gives the source’s identity away as Brent Sapergia. more interesting. It’s undeniably more significant and potentially career-de- Coincidentally, Sapergia is the minor-league hockey coach who made na- fining. What sets the two books apart from others is honesty, a sense of self, tional news last month when his bench-clearing stick-throwing tirade made and an un-abashed frankness in the story telling. For the money, you can’t the rounds on YouTube. ask for a straight-forward, unapologetic look inside the troubled Fleury’s A month later Theo was introduced by those same teammates to career. His words are clear, his message direct. cocaine. Fleury describes his first lines as euphoric feeling like nothing he’d Theo Fleury is no hero and this is no tale of the symbolic under- ever experienced. “It gave me goose bumps, I was so happy.” Suddenly the dog made good. Frequently over the course of the 312-page read he comes shy, awkward rookie was confident and brash. across a martyr, in a few senses of the term. But his story is laid out for you That summer, seeing how big and muscular his teammates at the as best as he recalls it and with a lot of help from his co-author. The on-ice minor-pro level were, the 5-foot-6 pint sized winger went home intent on stories fill the book in quite nicely. As with any self-tale, there are the occa- making Calgary straight out of fall camp, claiming to put on 25 pounds of sional exaggerations and inaccuracies, but for the most part it’s well written muscle in just four months. The extra size cut down on his speed and flex- and without question a provocative read. ibility and he was cut from the Flames and sent back to Salt Lake where he It’s not a book for the faint of heart, and not for any pre-bantam tore up the IHL both on and off the ice. This is where the self-proclaimed player of your own. Locker-room type language is present on every other “bad-ass” is born. page. Just a few chapters in you get a graphic account of his nightmarish Whether he hated the person he became in hindsight or not, one “relationship” with his junior hockey coach Graham James, who in 1997 was thing perfectly clear throughout the book is Fleury clearly admires some of sentenced to 3 and ½ years in prison after being found guilty on 350 counts his “bad-ass” party tales. It’s almost to the point you’d wonder if he longed of alleged sexual abuse by former player Sheldon Kennedy and another for those days once again. He doesn’t come out and say as much, but the unnamed teammate. James is now on the lamb attempting to renew his life, tone is there at times, ranging from flat-out braggadocios to an obvious self- presumably under an assumed identity. pity. Even as he described his two-day coke-binge on the eve Fleury holds nothing back in his allegations towards of his first and, as history would have it, only season as a Chi- James. From sharing a double bed with James on a pre-junior cago Blackhawk, Theo communicates the hours spent inside scouting trip and having James caress his buttocks while he Chicago housing projects snorting lines with big bad gangsters lay terrified wondering if James was doing so unconsciously as if preserving his own personal David versus demon Goliath in his sleep. Fleury, 14 at the time of this first incident, would scenario. soon learn this was no mistake. James’ advances would soon The feel-good send-off is that Fleury claims to have escalate, Fleury alleges. First to James demanding Fleury stay his life together, is healthier than ever and coupled with the at James’ house and apart from his billet family twice per week strength shared by his wife, he’s ready to help other young -- where James would force himself on Fleury -- to masturbat- teenagers and adults come forward with their stories of sexual ing on the young hockey player’s feet and performing oral abuse. As anyone who’s lived with or known and addict, in sex on the boy. Fleury admits to being brought to orgasm by Chris Block every case it remains to be seen. James, who claimed he was not some sick-perverted old man, Nothing against Fleury, but his post-book actions con- rather he needed Fleury’s semen for unfounded medical reasons. tradicts the presented mission. An aborted NHL comeback in September In his recent book tour Fleury has told the media he plans on bring- now looks like it was more of a publicity stunt to kick off the book tour than ing new charges against James for his specific abuse (Fleury was abused anything else. Theo concluded it was NHL or bust and once cut from Cal- prior to and while James coached him on the while gary’s 23-man roster he said he knew his on-ice journey had ended. Lofty Kennedy was abused later in Swift Current) but those plans are on hold with expectations and a harsh assessment for someone who’d been away from the Fleury citing it’s a delicate situation, to which he must be certain he is of league for six years, and all things considered, had an impressive camp. right mind to put himself on such under the magnifying glass the sex abuse Promises of bringing his sexual predator to trial have stalled by trial of a Canadian national hockey hero would bring. trepidations Fleury has about what revisiting the James’ portion of his life But while Fleury is apprehensive about putting himself on the would do to his own mental state. Mind you, these are same stories that stage in criminal and civil lawsuits, he is taking acting classes hoping to play struck him a book deal with Harper Collins and made this a best-seller in his the lead, himself, in a 20-city play based on his book. So while he may not home country. While the message he is sending in the book is of total heal- be ready to hear his tragic life-altering scenes with Graham James re-hashed ing, post-authoring he’s now backing off such claims. in a court room, he apparently has no issue re-enacting them himself in Sheldon Kennedy recently asked if Fleury’s telling kids to come theatre. forward and do the right thing, why isn’t the man doing so himself? Fair While literally every poor decision and controversial moment in question. Time will tell. his career and life Fleury does trace back to the abuse from Graham James, In every act of Fleury’s tale, it has always been the sport of hockey he’s also the son of an alcoholic father and pill-popping mom. He was to which he’s turned for escape and stabilization. If he’s grasped the last life sexually abused by James in 1983 and ’84. He hops on the road to alcohol- and dollar out of the sport that’s given him life for his first forty years, let’s ism two years later at 16, first getting drunk at Sheldon Kennedy’s house the hope he has a sound plan for the next forty. weekend of a hockey tournament. However, Theo didn’t try and considered himself to be “naïve” to drugs until first turned pro in early 1988, at the age [email protected] of 19. BlogTalkRadio.com/TheThirdManIn Fleury notes the first time he experimented with marijuana was during the spring of 1988 while with Salt Lake in the International Hockey League. Fleury had just finished his fourth and final season with the Moose The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

YEAR DRAFT FREE AGENT Marian Hossa (OTT 1st round 1997) Tomas Kopecky (DET 2nd round 2000) John Madden (NJ Undrafted FA 1997) 2008-2009 Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997 Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001) Antii Niemi (Undrafted FA) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995) PHI for Jim Vandermeer (FA PHI 2000) Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 Niklas Hjalmarsson (4th round) Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Bryan Bickell (4th round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) Jim Vandermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) Adam Burish (9th round)

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com GM HISTORY Present: Stan Bowman COACHES 2005-2009: Dale Tallon Head Coach-Joel Quenneville Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fucking Times: Bob Assistant Coach-John Torchetti Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Pulford Assistant Coach- 2001-2004: Mike Smith Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite 1999-2000: Bob Murray The Making of The

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2009-2010 Dany Heatley (ATL 1st round 2000) from OTT for Manny Malhotra (NYR 1st (SJ 2nd round 1998) and Milan round 1998) Michalek (SJ 1st round 2003) Scott Nichol (BUF 11th round 1993) Jed Ortmeyer (NYR Undrafted FA 2003) Jay Leach- Off waivers (PHX 5th round 1998) 2008-2009 Jason Demers (7th Kent Huskins (CHI 6th round 1998) amd Travis Rob Blake (LA 4th round 1998) round) Moen (CAL 5th round 2000) and from ANA for (SJ 6th round 2007), (SJ 3rd round 2007), and conditional pick Dan Boyle (FLA Undrafted FA 1998) and Brad Lu- kowich (NYI 4th round 1994) from TB for Matt Carle (SJ 2nd round 1993), , and 2008 1st and 4th round picks 2007-2008 Frazier McLaren (7th Jody Shelley (CAL Undrafted FA 1998) from CLB round) for 2009 6th round choice 2006-2007 Jamie McGinn (2nd round) 2005-2006 Devin Setoguchi (1st Joe Thornton (BOS 1st round 1997) from BOS for Brad Staubitz (Undrafted FA) round) Marco Sturm (SJ 1st round 1996), Brad Stuart (SJ 1st Marc-Edouard Vlasic round 1998), and Wayne Primeau (fBUF 1st round (2nd round) 1994) 2004-2005 Thomas Greiss (4th round) Torrey Mitchell (4th round) 2003-2004 Joe Pavelski (7th round) 2001-2002 Ryan Clowe (6th round) 1999-2000 Douglas Murray (8th round) 1998-1999 1997-1998 Patrick Marleau (1st round) 1994-1995 Evgeni Nabokov (9th round) info in part provided by hockeyreference.com

GM HISTORY COACHES 2004-Present: Doug Wilson Head Coach: Todd McLellan 1996-2004: Dean Lombardi Asst. Coach: Todd Richards 1994-1996: Chuck Grillo and Dean Lombardi Asst. Coach: Jay Woodcroft Asst. Coach: Trent Yawney Goaltending Coach: Corey Schwab e Hawks Record When...

Playing at United Center..... 16-3-0 Taking less than 30 shots..... 4-3-0 Konroyd thankfully fi lls-in for Eddie O 1-0-1 Playing on road...... 6-5-2 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 2-3-0 Pat Foley screws up a name...... 17-6-2 Playing at ridiculous neutral site for no reason... 1-0-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 21-5-3 Ice Crew wear skirts...... 13-3-0 Scoring fi rst...... 19-3-2 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 13-3-0 Ice Crew wear pants...... 0-0-0 Opponent scores fi rst...... 4-5-1 1st of a back-to-back...... 2-4-1 Ice Crew comes out on the ice at the wrong time.... 2-0-0 Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 1-0-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 4-0-2 Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her shapely ass.... 0-0-0 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 15-3-0 Opponent played night before.... 6-3-0 Leading after 2 periods...... 14-1-0 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 Taking more than 5 penalties..... 5-5-0 Losing after 2 periods...... 3-7-1 Pelican is drive to UC music... 3-0-0 Taking 5 or less penalties.... 18-3-3 Tied after 2 periods...... 6-0-2 Playing on a Monday...... 3-0-0 Taking yet another fucking too-many men penalty.... 2-1-1 In ...... 4-0 Playing on a Tuesday...... 1-0-0 Keith takes a penalty...... 6-4-0 In shootout...... 4-3 Playing on a Wednesday...... 5-1-0 Toews takes a penalty..... 4-0-0 On Heritage Nights.... 3-0-0 Playing on a Thursday...... 2-3-0 Kane takes lazy offensive zone penalty.... 5-1-1 On Wayne Presley Heritage Night.... 0-0-0 Playing on a Friday...... 3-3-2 Brouwer takes a penalty... 6-2-1 In 1-goal games..... 13-4-3 Playing on a Saturday...... 5-1-1 Seabrook takes a penalty... 4-2-1 In 2-goal games...... 2-2-0 Playing on a Sunday...... 4-0-0 Barker takes a penalty...... 3-2-0 In 3-goal games...... 4-2-0 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 3-4-0 Barker is in need of a rape-kit..... 11-6-2 In 4+ goal games...... 4-0-0 Outshoot opponent...... 21-6-3 Useless Kopecky takes a penalty...... 3-2-0 Scoring more than 3 goals..... 11-0-0 Are outshot by opponent.... 2-2-0 Useless Kopecky in the pressbox where he belongs... 2-0-0 Scoring 3 goals or less...... 11-8-3 Patrick Kane scores...... 9-0-1 Sharp fl oats around and doesn’t do much.... 7-5-1 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Jonathan Toews scores...... 5-2-1 At least 1 fi ght in 300 Level... 8-1-0 PA plays some fucking Faces fi nally!..... 2-0-0 Patrick Sharp scores...... 6-2-1 No fi ghts in 300 Level..... 8-2-0 PA plays Tom Petty multiple times...... 3-0-0 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 8-0-2 Playing Eastern Conference..... 7-1-1 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Dustin Byfuglien turns into Cam Fucking Neely.... 1-0-0 Playing Western Conference..... 16-7-2 Fraser fi ghts...... 2-0-1 Andrew Ladd scores...... 4-0-1 Playing Central Division...... 5-3-0 Brouwer fi ghts.... 2-0-0 Marian Hossa scores...... 4-0-0 Playing Northwest Division.... 8-1-1 Seabrook fi ghts..... 0-0-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-0-0 Playing Pacifi c Division 3-3-1 Barker fi ghts...... 0-0-0 51 Phantom does his little turn on the catwalk... 16-7-2 Playing Atlantic Division 1-0-0 Buff fi ghts...... 0-0-0 Coach Q misuses Brian Campbell.... 22-8-3 Playing NASCAR Division 2-0-1 Sharp fi ghts...... 0-0-0 Duncan Keith scores...... 5-1-1 Playing Northeast Division 3-1-0 Eager fi ghts and risks getting his 36th concussion...... 3-0-0 Brent Seabrook scores...... 2-0-0 Playing in October.... 8-3-1 On Comcast...... 13-7-2 VerStud scores.... 7-2-0 Playing in November.... 8-3-2 On WGN...... 6-1-1 Troy Brouwer scores.... 6-2-0 Playing December.... 7-2-0 On Vs...... 4-0-1 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 14-1-2 UC uses crowd meter and our brain bubbles.... 1-0-0 On NBC.... 0-0-0 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 9-7-1 Huet’s glove-hand is sloth-like.... 2-3-1 Torchetti interviewed before 3rd... 10-4-0 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 7-4-0 Obliterate teams on faceoffs...... 17-4-2 Haviland interviewed before 3rd... 7-4-3 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 16-4-3 Opponent is even close on faceoffs.... 6-4-1 New 300 Level bars are fi lled with douchebags... 15-3-0 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 3-1-0 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 20-8-2 Some drunk moron claims Havlat is better than Hossa.... 1-0-0 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 0-0-1 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Kustok asks dumb questions in postgame interview.... 12-1-0 Taking 30 or more shots...... 19-5-3 during 4-on-4...... 20-8-2 Editor bleeds on programs.... 1-0-0

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