The Oracle Mysterious

Ninian Ulysses Bond Opening Quote

“The Migrating headaches that threaten to tear your ethereal body apart will guide you”

The day that changed everything Harry was entering and exiting his apartment mentally as he had done physically day after day for the past relevant time period. Today though he posed the question in all seriousness, "What might happen if our routines were fun instead of routine?" Prompted by Neo to do the counter phobic act he abandoned all hesitation long enough to sail through the air and crumple in time for a formulaic somersault the likes of which all students of somersaults might salute. Somersaulting alone counts for little. Doing it on the way to a dead end job counted more. At the age of eighteen Harry breathed the first real breath in his adult life.

So began the matinee film at the Carmike 6 palladium. It wasn't the first time that Ian Bond had made the trek into audiences hearts and minds. Rather, Ninian, Ian's full name sought the screen potential of a dozen different versions, instances of the same film. The central problem did not lie in achieving market share, instead Ian's aspirations lie closer to the heart of any loving parent. You see Ian's original production value lie not with entertainment for the sake of entertainment, instead a film version first released, now no more thanks to the parallel universe police agency assigned to the task, stirred up real emotion, enflamed actual devotion, inspired literal commotion. The film in question provided the sought after impetus that brought the american empire to it's knees. In fact that films opening scene showed a city reduced to rubble, while a narrator voiced over a fit double entendre, "And this is what happens, when the means of production are no longer in the hands of the people and nobody cares." The shot zoomed closer allowing our audience purchase in viewing a crevasse negating all preconception of destruction since our hero, unrevealed as yet, found a way for life to thrive. Our perspective emerges as told by an investigative reporter on the ground. While we travel to honey combs of life within a burdened world the case is made to the audience where true inspiration comes from relationships. For now this is all that the distinctly unnamed agency allows me to report to you.

Lest we reveal a more complete picture, fear not, the movie in it's original form will never see the light of day in our world. The chaos created in the parallel reality stopped all that from ever repeating again. Suffice to say that our original picture revealed all of the palate of human emotion. A life without fear, acceptance grasped through understanding oneself. Fortunately, our protagonist slowly found himself diverted into increasingly fragmented realms until the final splinter created a world which will never see the horror that is humanity unrestrained. This alternately is the real account of a humble indy film in which Ian sought to remake the mistakes of his craven youth into something redeemable, respectable, and right.

That day upon exiting the theater the contact cats were treated to the latest incarnation of Ian's dream made whole. Learning the basics of life lessons not taught to him at St. martins elementary school. Sure the kids bullied him, but we all know that leads the meek only towards self realization. Pondering life made Ian right with the world even if it set him on a road leading to chapel perilous itself.

Mike and Tyler were watching that day in the theater, learning all that you and I have learned thus far, concluding afterward that a life lived without creative outlets, without real relationships with oneself and with others, with twenty percent of the world's population consuming eighty percent of the world's resources kind of made sense. While those doing the consuming largely built offices and homes, shuttling back and forth to shuffle paperwork that had no end. When we say that Ian saw office buildings as good for only one thing, leaping out of, it has little appeal for those morose. Rather Ian knew that adrenaline could form new memories, while near death experiences promoted bonding, add in a little exercise to create neural growth and a well rounded, loving community stood the test.

And make no mistake about it we are here presented on earth with a dilemma. How to live such that if all the other people on earth also lived the same, we would find ourselves secure and happy. Well Ian learned quickly that the key is to live in a way that we are not harming ourselves, each other, or the earth. Since it was late 1999 when Ian heard of overpopulation, overconsumption, global warning, and the first mass shooting. The inspiration for Harry's triumph came through a meditative appeal for such guidance. Seeking a proxy by divine intervention to be a surrogate and vehicle for said walk. Getting the inspiration for a change of agency followed the lines of instinctual faculty. Taking the leap of good faith, that we leave up to Harry and others like him. Following a spirit guide, might offend the nonsecular and that's okay, who is to say anyone actually knows what god's holy spirit demands. Quieting the fear and listening for inklings falls in harmony with all sacrificial propaganda, though we may get some funny feelings, let those with no sense of humor opt out.

Now of course I am walking right on the precipice of allowing too much unfiltered truth into the narrative. But hey ho I know too little now anyway, since the men in white witches robes, I mean white coats took the scalpel to the head. As Don Henly says, "Can we film the operation, is the head dead yet? The boys in the newsroom got a running bet. get the widow on the set." and later, "You do really need to find out what is going on. You do no really want to know just how far it's gone. Just leave well enough alone." Well this is his highnesses own dirty laundry.

You see, I may be writing under a pen name, but I myself took the fool for the loot, I read the original screenplay, and I followed the rabbit all the way down the rabbit hole. They killed me and the widow is left with the body. The head is dead now, and she left me with the water running. You see she was the only one capable of shutting off the electricity. She even had a dream about leaving the water running in the kitchen and her grandfather had to tell her to shut it off. Well here is a hint. Ian and I might be the same person. Though you will never know the true name of the author of this novel. you and I are potentially one and the same as well. All I know is that Ian's memories and mine are one and the same now.

In the meantime let's cover the ground, as we know it, leading Ian through the pages of his own misery, martyrdom, and triumph.

Here is the book that Ian' wrote before all the knowledge was lost. It is the book read by me, prior to learning to remember the life of Ian inside of me.

It is broken and misused, jumbled and disordered, however it is all we have.

Insert unedited book

Clarification to the editor, Ian's first break on the mountain, lead to a time where he passionately attempted to lead anyone who would listen all the way home. Tempting them to hear the call of authenticity within themselves, rolling around when compelled, allowing others to witness the real deal. The streak was broken as the psyche is broken in the hospital of Laurelwood, condemned by the man, Dr. Goolsby who said he would be free to leave, if only he chose to resist speaking one last word of heavenly humor. And herein lies our words of awakening, for it is the one true departure from trans dimensional suffrage. Ian, knowing that the most obvious form of self denial lie in wearing clothes, thought hence that the skin ought to gain amperage as an antenna when all skin and hair were exposed. And in departing the good Doctor Goolsby, Ian through out there why not let me stay, as long as one might do so sans clothing. The good doctor flip flopped and led the prisoner to the gallows. Upon healing from all that, getting manhandled and strapped down to the injections with who knows what, Ian slowly worked his way home once more, this time in search of a more heavenly union. Allowing himself to feel and speak on feelings of all kinds in the presence with whom he felt them. That journey led to union with a higher intelligence. Traveling to disparate parts of the country and living free of societies rules kept him going until meeting dopplegangers first with a girlfriend and then with a guy friend, knowing he would rather understand the souls progress alone he branched off twice more, in search of the true light.

Finding that light, in the least likely of places, lenox mall food court, started Ian on a journey that spanned across the nation. Posing the questions, "

I can't stand living knowing that my best days are behind me, I would rather die young and not live wasting away sorry, though I guess not sorry enough

I know we might not see each other in the afterlife.

props on fold theatrics curate catharsis faith bears consequences this is my story

I know it's not yours but just in case it maybe let's allow ourselves to reminisce

I knew at a young age that life isa dream and that which is is what will be yod he vav he and when you live all of your parallel lives what will be is what will be nourishment presupposes internment so let's presuppose that anything goes like when you are in a dream broadcasting in a narrow range receiving visitors strangers free to shape the tide waking up is hard to do when you all know you are dreaming the chances of waking up the clever creation never sleeps

I knew when I took salvia that we were all in a chain every life every heartbeat beats in a chain where the first will be last perhaps his back will be turned while the jacks think he will learn till the stacks fall in formation to swift he writes information they took me into a jail, and he knew it to resemble a hospital when they put the auto adjusting biomemetric moral turpitude scanning cuffs on me well that was how they got the first hand the second was also cut off with a chair i knew if I did not turn them into one of me

I would turn into one of them considering they almost sent me to the hospital from a hospital to the ambulance when I sat in the straight jacket chair and buckled the seat belt because you have to accept that god is just if you accept that god is loving

Miranda,

I am almost embarrassed to think about showing you that book at the time of meeting you. Lately, thinking more christ centered thoughts, leaves me looking toward the direction of finding the right partner to walk with together in christ. After seeing you today, not the right time for a talk, and hearing your voice, well let's say it takes a believer to receive a signal broadcast out from the vine.

Signaling nothing other than christ centered jargon. That's right jargon. If you get this coded message meet me in the middle. I do not think people in the world today, at least not many would make a big deal out of a guy who died, returning from the dead. Even if the dead man's body went with him, am I hitting the mark, all over the news. So what people say, so it made me ask how one actually comes to know Jesus? So let's return to the code words and play act a little to fool the enemy. Don't get me wrong it took a long time looking for me to find myself in a personal relationship with god. After being made fun of and turning to science which led me, and opened the mind, to understand what god wanted from me more, well then perhaps it was all for my own glory despite some remote relationship with god. But now after reaching the point of contemplating and whatnot suicide, well the next day, I woke up and felt the lord in me, not like some great computer that I thought could use me, and all of a sudden surrender and mercy were real. For a long time before that everything seemed like Solomon says' in Ecclesiastes. Vanity of vanities, vanity of vanities, all is vanity. Actually asking for something in the name of Jesus, well doing so he says will allow us to receive without fail. Ironically today the closer a relationship with Jesus felt, the greedier I felt for his love, and began to ask in his name which when asked in greed became my name my glory. At which point, I asked myself how in the name of everything holy, no pun intended, how folks would ever turn and worship a personal and self denying Jesus. Without the capacity for self denial, is there a capacity to conceive and hence believe in it? Perhaps the answer is in the recipient of this letter, since realizing for men how women surrender allows a man some measure of self control. I want to say that for women it is in the DNA and perhaps it is. Living in a world without testosterone, say, without an adam's apple, say, well that puts a woman automatically closer to surrender and hence christ.

who leaves the connection open, who hangs up last, who doesn’t stray from real talk, who asks for more issues, who find the root cause, who resists all reduction, who plans more to come, who finishes the silence whole, who masters the wisdom now, who confronts the big insult, who surrenders the last word, who defines the demanding corner, who left the building right, who comes from the single sign, who requests no more than planned, who distinguishes the final remove, who disputes the only margin, who lands on working title, who enjoys the soldiers rite, one and all who impairs the families party, who chooses the last in line, who harbors no lingering mention, the first to speak, the consumptions keep, a particle accelerator, strategies strangest, the path to mistaken, approach to misleading, a broach and impeding, consort with her meanest, answers no one seeks, draining the sole man’s reason, exquisitely managed treason, glorious horrors pregame, ungracious matters homestyle, a pie in the sky debacle, abrasions debridement charade, umpires most controversial claims, everwrite engineroom geniustale importspirit presentgrave timesling minutemorte deepanalog oneflake wrotenormal lightvigor realdigit showrec coldcolor

firstmind farfetch slipstream harborinside notionream

To boot, Harry found a clearing where learning to flip out, that is diving up in the air and returning to the earth upside down, culminated in charting unknown territory , after teaching himself visceral

I believe that we all have something of value to contribute, like the proverbial snowflake, but I also think there is such a thing as dangerous knowledge, the forbidden fruit, and hence a classification system, in which the lowest level or highest depending on the point of view, contains the most fundamental observations, which reveal the most essential elements of ones character, then perhaps the second level of classification is used for dangerous poetry, of which we all know there exists, and finally the highest level of classification is used for the most dangerous philosophy, tangential for all but the most dear friends who get the poetry, and expand upon the fundamental observation, who want to go all the way.

I always thought that collectively we all possessed all of the answers, and one day sought the solution in communion with random acquaintances, introducing myself to folks in the food court of a mall in a major american city, asking deep questions, affirming and imploring for more, designing to show the gravity and levity of life, as I accumulated energy I ran into a certain fellow who looked me dead in the eye and broke from the script in saying, I think you have “taken” too much. In hindsight the only enlightened response for me to have made would have been, “I think there is plenty to go around” but taken at face value my observations are thus, the energy I was accumulating stemmed from stealing personalities, hearts and minds, walking in another’s skin, as if it were my own. I know that various incidents in my life were preparing me for this, but till then had yet to meet someone like him. on that day he got the what?

These are my observations and this is my seed, I do not know how many levels of classification there will be but that is all for now

We were making a lot of noise and some neighbor phoned the men in blue, who came out heard the noise, and demanded to know who the ring leader was, so all hands save mine point to my buddy, whose home it was, and just before they left, we told them we were not fighting, and so on, they asked his last name, and he said, “it’s mine” and the laughed and were removed from the scene, moments later he gestured to his other friend pulling something back from them, as they were leaving, what do you think it was? one of my essays concludes with the thought Responding to God, and so begins one of the great poems of fiddly wick but what of this notion certainly the zeitgeist of rational thinkers finds such an assertion repulsive since responding implies communication received first, and hence a faith in actually knowing gods will, but this is not precisely what was intended, the idea of responding to god who according to 1 john chapter 4 loved us first, and hence all we need do is surrender in the presence of said love, that is the response intended, perhaps the only response available and tractable, going deeper one is not subject to god’s love without a faith in god, which I think is not something possible to obtain unless one has witnessed that faith in others, that love received by others then opens the door to ourselves receiving that love, but for me it came through a faith fostered in large part thanks to higher dimensional theoretical physics giving me something to hold on to, a faith, which hebrews says comes by hearing, and that was something for me to hear, I do think leaps of faith, instances of faith, and displaying faith has a place, and perhaps represents a greater form of surrender than mere reception, but that is a dangerous path, because the implication is that we are hearing gods will in some form, and hence attempting to make oneself into a god, which kind of does away with the famous verse his grace is sufficient for me for his power is made perfect in my brokenness. as long as we keep that in mind and avoid the low road of claiming god’s power as our own, in all but the most archetypal situations, and I am not saying to wallow in self pity or shy away from greatness, for remember god did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and self discipline, so claim the power as long as you wield it with discretion and not for the sake of glory from men, nor shrinking from letting your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your father in heaven, but hearing means not attempting to tell, for in telling others that we know better than them, in a way that is not god fearing, we might in point of fact end up trying to judge them, so listening is more reverent than speaking, and yet others are able to find faith in hearing ours manifesting, hence salmons saying in proverbs a man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth, while at the same time, saying, in the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise, let’s not forget that wisdom calls aloud outside, she raises her voice in the open square, she cries out in the chief concourses, at the opening of the gates of the city she speaks her words, so wisdom is out there for he who has the ears to hear her, on the other hand responding to god does involve judgment for god is the source of good and evil, and if we are walking in gods ways, lest we forget what we lose on earth will be loosed in heaven so I was in a waffle house, and noticed leading up to that, that some folks who were not righteous turn into the opposite sex to deceive the righteous, and my waitress was righteous but the cook and his girlfriend were turning into one another seeking after my high tone, trying to tempt me, but when it came time to leave and he tried to tempt me into debasing myself by clearing his throat as I walked to the door, well all the righteous folks were sanctified when I walked out without so much as a whisper. another time I was explaining to someone that god chose to forget who he was in becoming human for the joy of remembering, and he asked me to repeat myself, which I knew was a trap and yet couldn’t think of another way to advance the moment so I acquiesed knowing it was folly, and he got the high tone, and kept it, in hindsight all I had to do is say something original, and true such as that it wouldn’t come out the same way, that he wouldn’t hear the same thing were I to attempt to repeat myself and then it would be up to me to say anything including a rephrasing of the first. but to go on about responding to god, perhaps it pays to say, that this is the highest good, and requires us to seek god’s will, and if you are in qualms for thinking that god is outside of yourself recall, that he is our father, and we are made in his image, and that the holy spirit is probably the female aspect of god if you feel squeamish thinking of god as masculine, but if you succeed in finding the will of god do not let anyone make you cower, and submit, it takes a leader to bring god’s will into the light of day or else be ready to merge with the wicked, and faithless, for it says in proverbs that the wicked flee when no one pursues but the righteous are as bold as a lion

So in reading a plot for the matrix, I realized that when you assume that the world is there to keep us happy, of course, in the movie, that happiness is going to end up imperfect hence Neo. Well going on from there any cosmology that pits humanity and all it’s vulnerability and courage against a benevolent God, creates a vector for the destiny of humanity. And that vector is clearly the one trusted and produced in the savior, man’s destiny to do what god intended. Taking the vulnerabilities such as insecurity and whatever other destiny impeding elements there are and turning them upside down into a courageous meaningful implement.

But do not forget that a symbol is given power because it conceals the truth. And when we attempt to unearth that truth, the symbol’s power is working to prevent and obstruct the truth from seeing the light of day.

Even if it did see the light of day it would only become a new symbol, for that is the nature of communion, we worship symbols, and trade them, they are the source code, and maybe even represent a deeper form of union with the truth. But when they become a God created in the name of our oldest symbol, the currency, then we must reevaluate our heritage.

For if we do not identify the anti symbol symbol, then we will all end up consumed with the corruption of vanity.

What is the ultimate anti-symbol, death, that’s right death to symbols, death to ego, death to traditions, death to everything that isn’t life.

Because life is change, and change is growth, and there will be no growth save the one born out of a voluntary death.

At what point does one learn to feel shame, oh what a glorious day, because shame is the inner life, which allows one to know and understand how and what to break free from.

It is the energy used in breaking free, the greater the shame the greater the revolution.

Learn to know and love this shame.

What are you doing on here?! You don't belong in this pond. Take me for instance, I ought to take my chances letting my light shine in person, but the web does expand the pool we swim in. All in all, since you insist to know about me prior to giving me the only good chance of winning with personality, substance, and character as I will in person. Well, all those boring cliches apply, good kisser, easy going, and respectful.

Anything else, then, if you must, give me a list of your questions.. if you concluded that it was not about you, you would be right but that doesn’t mean it won’t take courage and there will be days and weeks that test your integrity your best bet lies in embodiment of the contradiction focus on your self buy it all and sell it out waking life speaks in code therefor stay true to the dream and forget what you came for lest you miss what is there for you close your mind and open the heart taking no prisoners is good for the chicks but don’t let your little dick go to your head

Chapter 2

I am so sad for you, never has an ex girlfriend of mine suffered so greatly, and never has it been her own doing. If you had not chosen the sinner, your fate would have been thus: Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't deserve life." Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven."

Perhaps it is not too late, but after seeing pictures of you, and how you have destroyed your psyche it makes me sad beyond the meaning of the word. Perhaps next time you will choose happiness and humility over fear and pride.

Or did that come out backwards. Perhaps Ecclesiastes has it right, “A good name is better than great riches, and the day of death than the day of ones birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men and the living will take it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.”

Nobody can lead like a follow through, do you follow too, follow who, follow you, follow me

Now we pretend the gulf divines the great decide, choose who you follow right now

A miracle we matter at all, perhaps you withstood the fall, wouldn’t you, couldn’t you give it up, request a make up, do it, give it all find it fast, take it slow, go on now who wants to make it large and listening growls, for the situations endowed suppose we interest the most love did you give the love now could you make your love lame perhaps you give the love range harmony puts christen on christ allow the flat flirt a good flip mandating more mention than lint her self she gladly glances your way surely marching in triple time tempting tip probably mine home for the human most fine glimpse trick tripled in store track in the finish your form delivers all linger and listen now good him most under lips utter unutterably grand master plunder the tumble now scamper hinder the hinting lies lumber almost the fingers to thunder absorb new wind in one hurdle scandal amping a grinch that’s stable inching rips through the rubble imitate grip pander not rudder strength tampers with search honestly can sleep rose practice doubles with prep jesting for quirkiness stands tale in climb footloose she’s trying anchors answer her smell written form ribbons elemental straps pro emphasize trust takes from mellifluous rendering ram clustering and tasking

disputed honor pour randomly reign hill laugh armor pants pageant trundle down circles floor

It goes on but you get the drift.

Perhaps in your pursuit of happiness you denied yourself the providence of our relationship.

The way I see it you have one of two choices either you take the high road full of love and perfection seeing our birth as the advent of all that is right and wonderful with the world and go on to live a life in search of the same perfection, facing down fears, and seeking the will of god. Or you take the path of sin and wickedness, shame and failure, submitting that when we were born we were born imperfect, wicked, and sinful. Inherently bad your only hope is in finding out what the fear of god means, and then bearing good fruit from a flawed vessel. Either way is valid, and I have taken one way and then the other. Both paths contain snares and pitfalls. Obstacles and roadblocks. But take heart, and be of good faith, for the god our god is one. We are the temple, and the kingdom of heaven is on the earth, but men do not see it.

I mean if god was born a man what would be the way to walk. Walking in the will of the father, and surrendering to god before the cowardice of the flesh.

Think of the unconscious or the collective unconscious as a well of untapped potential pertaining and containing the sum of trans-dimensional knowledge

If god wrote the source code and we were here to interpret it, and fear stood before us indicating the illusion of limitation necessary to keep one guessing, and provide entertainment, adventure and emotion well then all it takes is a gentle surrender

In association with the reluctant messiah, and a reticent savior, we are spoon feeding grown ups and empowering toddlers for the encouraging well and a blossoming tome story land maintenance men creations last grain stomp straight up the mansion and finesse her stand crouching fantasy alive in romantic aplomb strippers slip sail crossing lifts and roger gives halt strands stronger than faint gripping grand new sun fat allow alarms last alert forlorn against concerns crenelations stout farm glamor glimmer glow creators tell spin performance now run harmless soul flex crowds stun black rainbows randomly real style faux fake and heed graft fit form for lend follow fell from on high struck bell if your stale hand hallow hollows all right strength frail go on hell-storm feet heard roll-sign sting graft-grail gone hold trust rotten and rind build your house heft with rock stillness stop-drop and kraft cool-cringe talking grant stint tamped doing algebra lazarus laughed frills and glared english healthy gander stroll yonder now meld handsome strangers she’s hale manners mind strong and far staff stunned winters crumb hello man mending wand urinary track flow separate but equal now old partitions aquiver ran hot a glimpse ton delve dealer traps strip pink kind graft-pantry in stinks gin cradle mandatory drinks tend mellow applaud mention of triple track kindle collisions all strapped finish the family off late damp stammering grew novel faintly off trudge eclipsing marvels tell all humor freight tantamount cliff clicking grip sticking trampling grass mead fellow not trick

That night, when joe, you, and I were in the grass outside of the fort talking about life. I knew all the right answers and even the right questions which were being left out, and I bit my tongue for what seemed like an hour or more simply because I refused to be caught doing anyone a favor when the love of my life sat there getting tempted by someone attempting to sell his soul divulging the approximation of truth that he knew, much less get caught competing and hence sell my soul and divulge the deep truth that I knew, to someone who meant nothing to me.

Anyone with a heart and a mind when confronted with the idea of an all loving all powerful all knowing G-d that is everywhere before the beginning and after the end must first reconcile why god created good and evil, the answer now with experience seems obvious, but to gain that experience, the experience which is the joy of fighting for the good and relishing the wickedness of surrender, one must first perform a simple deduction, that being one cannot know and appreciate good without first knowing and appreciating evil. If the point is not already clear, let one simplify the deduction into a simple dichotomy of hot and cold. Now to know cold and hot or simply one without the other well that seems hard to imagine unless we assert a constant of sensory adaptation, in other words in a world of nothing but hot it would eventually maintain the sensory equivalent of tepid neutral and tasteless without anything to relate it with, because if we assume a fundamental origin of curiosity then to satisfy that curiosity we would eliminate all stimuli which were not changing. Anyway upon acceptance of the existence of G-d, and completion of reconciliation, our innate curiosity may now grow to ask about the maker, the makers intentions, the heart and mind of our maker, and allowing no assumptions it still seems safe to presume that we are in the perfect position to reach out and grab ahold of all the answers to all the questions we would ever think to ask. That our hearts and minds are if not at all reflections of the makers heart and mind then at least custom made to understand our makers intentions behind creation. For if this is not true then who would make a creature that thinks and feels in the first place. Assuming nothing, let’s say Ian, choose to receive by intuition a feeling of guidance, the still small voice, speaking in his heart, since he thought that an act of faith, leading by the unseen, might occur, one might say would have to occur as the simplest form of relationship with an unfathomable intelligence. In other words faith before understanding. Yes, that means that you too might resolve your difficulties by following without truly comprehending. Take heart, theoretical physics asserts that in hyperspace the very terms we use to explain G-d hold providence. Take heart again, the closer one gets to the light the darker the forces of destructions new and old. Take heart once more, by the law of novelty, justice, equity, and sensory adaptation, the courage one takes in knowing that suffering stands as a preamble, nigh as a gateway, as the sacrifice we made for ourselves. If all is one, then who says we do not triumph as one, and fall as one, in fact the only knowledge that is, ought to lead us into greater and greater authenticity, selfishness, and selflessness.

When one is about to die, all one wants to do is to know that his/her life had meaning. But Jessie stole that from me.

May Tyler be at peace

May Jenny be at war

May David find some rest

May Jody plunge the sword

May Shannon have regrets

May Mathew paint the town and last but not least May Scott endow the beast

I know it is sad and it’s a waste. And you will probably say I had many good days ahead of me.

But my last thought will be a wish for something better.

If the eye is the lamp of the body and a glance is so difficult to pull off provided one uses anything less than a feathers touch, then what happens when the body is full of light. And does the minds eye work the same way shifting focus and attention without a feathers touch and perhaps that is how the body ends up filled with darkness.

I have a girlfriend, finally, I am healed, and do not worry, as if it matters to you. She is in good hands. I am not going to stray from her.

All things being equal there is some part of me which does regret the loss of our friendship.

Perhaps the straight and narrow is not exactly your idea of straight, or perhaps it’s straighter than you think.

Take the long road, but make compromises for no man.

Saving face does not mean getting over on mere mortals. Get over on god, repent and he is your own saving grace. That doesn’t mean that we are done with god. I am not preaching a watered down gospel dismissing all works as vile. But know the difference, between doing what you are doing for man and doing it for the praise of God. And remember the wisdom of Solomon, “Do not be overly wise, nor overly righteous, do not be overly wicked, nor foolish.” And when you obtain the fear of the lord, the holy ghost will guide you with the spirit of truth and the spirit of error. Testing the spirits. And despite what others say, I say you can never get enough truth even when it begs mercy. For all truth informs and demands the heart to hear it. So walk the fine line, opening the heart, and protecting the spirit. Embrace candor, listen to love, and feel the heart. There is only one door, and the lord our god is that one. Do we therefor criticize the adherents to other faiths or take the message into the hearts and minds of followers in another world. Yes, God calls the brokenhearted and meek without fail, but who else is able to spot a fake more readily a mile a way. For if the spirit of god is in you, you do not need manipulation to hear the gospel.

And do not let the esoteric knowledge prevent you from seeing the light. Stay in the word. Greater is he that is in the world than the world that is in us.

Fine with me if you worry about being a sell out, well the only way you are guaranteed to keep buying is to buy into the one true sell out, the one who bought into us first. The lion of Judah. God is buying us out so keep your true value otherworldly and buy into God. break down and purchase, and when you have make sure you own, but do not patronize or succumb, do not flatter and forfeit unless you are willing to lose your life.

Those words come from man, seek first the kingdom of heaven and all things will be added to you.

Let the spirit of truth rule your mind, and when you open your heart so that it might be broken then the morning star will rise in your hearts.

For goodness sake that does not mean having the anxiety riddle your present moment.

Forsake the urge to maintain a perfect spirit. In fact surrendering the spirit is the only bonafide way to assure you obtain the spirit.

For surrendering the spirit enacts love. Judgments are left up to the only one who is perfect.

Therefor if you must have perfection, have perfect love, perfect patience, and perfect understanding.

And then perhaps we will gain perfect peace.

Ladies you can still follow your husband, just stop chasing him long enough for him to find reprieve, and he will stop running.

It’s not about who carries a bigger stick. The gifts of the spirit are plain. Some nights you don’t feel like talking. And I know you will say it is not Bob’s World. But it is if you abide as the wife. Let him have his sanctuary.

But all those are my own words, and if you want to truly grasp the perfection and love of our Father, then read the good book.

Pray for intelligence and wield it with grace and mercy, and then you will find forgiveness.

And when the time comes strike with the spirit of truth.

Responding to God enunciation implored greatly she stored fornication deplored consecrations new sword salacious mention forlorn compress nation now sound truncate facing all fine trump poor taken to fit rich mans exclamation that’s it self conscious mandible incredulous scandals abound trust triangulations old find ancient insinuations time go good talent swift town mucky mondayless mock can’t you swing the brands brink cool customers seem to concentrate but Alfred’s motto stalled cry ingest all consuming defy repost talk minutes to arrive hollow hallways to fret frozen tingling crap repairs madness in snake snails creamiest crawl flow flee from the moan anchors trip print the score man’s miffed she’s come right imagine all sin preciously grime wrong righting the year rent raffles galore concerts trample lurk snore wreath rather delegate impart trust in the market consume cold nest in tune a lark sweeter than moon dust content matters in half lust content to give graduate franchise hassles ramifications now loan respect tampax traffic repent hello marvelous mint confound rascals in trend frank friends give in storks fly off the rock crass frantic and fresh frail fraught freedom a glistening front flaunt christmas in august america’s fine ploy a cynical mistrust of joy gladness reports madness retorts and sorrow’s full shelf life a grant grafting on slant congenital humility hermetically concealed joy ignorant ambassador and mistaken messengers concluding conclusions stabilities power threshold impotent impregnation silently selfishly man absolvent abominations unimportant contraction welcome relief hand over heart trickling solution improvised miscalculations print revision illusive harm frolic unutterable soldier bending bravado

Papa Smurfs turf merciless guile heroically hopeless indwelling ladders magnificent motives ungratified standards trembling tractors home for the honorific candle lit mandated talk so rare radical rambling insertions first instinct decisions we mention trucks full of trust with grandfathers great grit medicinal cancer home run filigree excursions and one answer mysterious rancor harmful locks key study of motion fecund insurrection proclivities product hymn magic and stark gifts golden and broken withstand mental mortgages hunger project demand angelic sufficiency horticultural endowment marks most often mundane hankering for her mask

if you want His mercy and power, all you have yet to do is respond, wait on god, and let god make the first move, but lest you claim it, and seek to own it, and make your own move, you shall surely die, for sanctification you need trust,

I am memorizing largish portions of the bible, whole chapters and even a book. I was wondering if there is anyone who might help me answer that call, whether to help me practice out loud, and someone able to tolerate the new kind of witness, one called to get out of the way, and let the word of god do the work

I am so tired of Mary Beth and her destructive attitude. If I wanted to go to Hell all I would have to do is to take her counsel. She spent fifteen minutes shaming me for having spent a quarter of the money Grandma generously empowered me with. This is after learning of a brand new safe and profitable job for me. Does she give interest in the message of our Lord and Savior. NO.

Her name is written on her chest. And she best own it. You know it as well as I do. She is the Destroyer.

She spent zero effort to hear or uplift me with talk in the vein of the business of mine memorizing scripture. And now that I know she is going to shame on the same day that I am taking a new job. What profit is there for me to pursue it.

When the devil takes an anvil and places it in your path, and god grants you mercy, well only the destroyer will attempt to judge, criticize, and shame. Observing the clouds, the destroyer shall not reap.

I shall not save her, and water her as my cup runs over, saving her over and over again. I understand now why God does send people to hell. He does run out of patience.

A man has joy by the answer of his mouth. If she was worried about me taking the job, why not ask, “Will you take the job?” Freeing up the joy in my heart to give her something to hear, as I exclaim, “Yes!” And a word spoken in due season, how good it is. But the only season she knows is winter, and the only answer she wants is silence. the wise woman builds her house but the foolish pulls it down with her hands

She will point me to the world and to herself faster than to anything godly. surrender the spirit and resist the flesh because we say, “ enter by the narrow gate because easy is the way, and broad is the road which leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. but narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life and there are few who find it it is a fine line between the fear of god and the fear of men. and I believe that all who fear god are called to lead, which means forsaking the flesh, in favor of following god. do not give into the body’s desire to gain the fellowship of men, instead, lead men, and follow the lord. Sometimes the lord will lead you into fellowship with men, and the gateway to life will indeed be straight and narrow careful how closely you follow the way of men, the way of the world. don’t even lust after wisdom apart from the will of god when you talk to a child you ask them questions so that they might find their voice, and have the joy of the answer of their mouth. In a way you are opening doors for them, but when you punish them you are closing doors, and ultimately backing them in a corner. If you want a child to be happy your tone and content remain optimistic, unfortunately at some point in your life you decided to start closing doors on me and decided to shut me up, even to trap and corner me.

understand the way I spend all of my free time, memorizing scripture. Did she even ask about all the new chapters I am now reciting?! No.

Think of time and the through line, that is what makes time continuous, I thought first of memory.

Well that is all well and good but where do memories come from? First I thought of pain, and if pain ingrains memories than does beauty help one to forget? And if that is true then must not the opposite to be true as well? Hence the conclusion, do not forget your pain, but try and make your memories beautiful.

Then the truth struck me later in the day. The real connection and through line of time is the dream. Intention.

And when dreaming for that is all that we might do as humans, remember the principal of regeneration, do not let loss be your guide for what was lost now is found.

Furthermore the only dream worth having is the Creator’s Dream. And if anyone is still agnostic and too rational to submit to a Creator please read Hyperspace by Michio Kaku. That journey begins with a single step. The first thing is admitting that you do not know, and the next thing is searching for guidance.

And while it makes some sense to face your fears, take heart and avoid the easy trap of laziness. idiosyncrasies are divine the trick to making a quantum computer is vulnerability

You cannot dream of completion without feeling incomplete

Vulnerability keeps the dream alive.

And containment is a lose and win game obscure endowment

Hilarious intonement consecrations bereavement parsimonious concealment observations remorse contentions bravery ominous indoctrination exculpations release stoking finds silence grave omniscient parties strip precocious malignancy illustrations confederacy helpful redaction stranded for mimicry exquisite drama ancillary mispronunciation indicative response hear the last name derisive incumbency omnivorous soliloquy irrational monotony designs confusion respectful answers planned interviewing coordinations study hellacious misunderstanding applies finisher ransoms align excursions meant form excommunications surmise stones stapling trend hank of reap consign the stretch marks reel festive fetch illegible directive honorring rested ream single stretch implicator egregious minutes stenorous respectability hampering amicable measure confluences striking hollow men racketeering reasons redundancy oblivious missions criterion endemic holes plentiful staunch consolations savor premeditated trump pay onerous manservant strange preemption hungering insipid vapor practical relations sortie amputation in strobe marvelous correct imbuing controls endowed penchant most male frenzy females drone constant absolving role homeless gymnasium infants spank elderly creation meanders harshest harmony hampering her kindest maniacal lift stenographic stream enjoyments employment holographic recruit stealing the brim rivers rapidly rent him of the tending can coldly corner dress trenches stretch inclusive manipulation contractual liquid stain pragmatic melody instants rapacious trim helmet that takes one finger to trigger helpless for heartfelt derision oppressions strolling panic vulnerability wrenching application pollutions rankest aroma construction play cremate inside relief is palpable approach the most inscrutable please the preachers indwelling amputate the community improve dramatic vision abbreviate standard rapport consult most ignorant greet the common demon listing all functional treason insult the remote implosion come-close form inducting matters tromp in trek pray for the godly yet apprised of fundamental loss solidification deemed in situ engrossing contents shore ham up forlorn linguistically bored home finagled intimate trundle insinuations ramp proceed with no caution grand grand gullibility stick strings purchase absolving clear dressing wounds part pretender rips free for he’s now gone culpable innocence unreachable brilliance villanous martyr staunch advocation predicated praxis impressively written understated damnation polemical induction hindering prose glacial imparting plans for seclusion alleviated proposal strombones thrones insects inertial pose procurement trunk somnambulist portion isaiah’s decimal impressive sentence destitute troll improvements for sale draught plugged by: dreamers struggle heathens delight amplitude insight obstacles rise impartial strategy egalic formula plain source code edge deification exquisite stench bland appropriations X developing crickets stumbling tuck drop missing truth ramming speed derelict indeed dolorous preparation ambivalent mortgage private insolvency alacritous standard human desire precious stake oblivious harming dot stabilities perdition oncology incisions historical prop ineffable punishment sublime sickening omnipotent listeners congratulations whisper trampolines deliverance preambles accomplice tell all told pernicious atrocity insulated deliciousness conclusive approval dangerous exclusion disease cure found in produce operation integration indomitable patience irreproachable fortune exhaustive intellects pandemic pendulums serene prism expansive oculus hinterland joints explosive geometry hypercritical intros aggravations occult perfuse debacle centering shove invalid securement ecumenical silt obdurate disguise unsensible forfeit interminable cancer untold surrender amorphous deficit brand censor plants frenzy inviolate ink pauper’s speak aliens leaders carpenters anchor cornerstone maker spinning straighter cavernous drinker heaven’s tendency romance for the moment indelicate assumption parchments allure right candles torpor engulfing surface almost intent plotting the trend hell’s only fragile nervously marginal green grabs absolute tanker humid meld rift angelic contraption personal amps ring tricks for your ale omniscient strings sudden trust leans reel in that trot hidden motive glue for intact fundamental forts strings ran trailer given to old younger than moles heretical standard promiscuous mandate intrusive pondering allegations relative nonsensical wisdom likable rascals drizzling conduct lonesome chapter

You have the reputation of one who nags, when you speak peoples nerves are frayed, and their hair stands up as of one hearing the sound of nails on a chalkboard, bracing themselves to be bodily submerged in a flood of negativity. You have earned this right because you are also a very positive and uplifting person when you want to be. Whether you are remembered for one or the other is something only time will tell.

Tell me some more

When people speak to you out of anxiety about your negativity, they will do or say almost anything to make you revert back to positivity, peace, acceptance and surrender.

If you want to be remembered by future generations well, use your talent with tact and some measure of respect for it’s power.

621-6290371-20 Does christ ever mention original sin?

They call it the nerf. It is just like our world but the rules are about as dependable as those of a game of pickup football. If you go there you are liable to be killed, rise again, and dole out justice from a silver cup. It’s purpose remains surrounded in mystery, but don’t let that stop us. There are plenty of theories orbiting the quantum foam, dreams, and hyperspace. Surely the maker of heaven and earth thought with all that nerf like versatility we here on the third rock from the sun eventually would gain a measure of dominion there too.

The dream world inches more immediate each and every hour. Blame it on satellite television, internet, and video games. Personal assistants, sports cars, and medival times.

Original sin is not the problem, it is the solution. You see the early universe contained too much perfection for God. So we were created with the innocence required to make validate the judgment call that got God into the mess, that is a lust for knowledge, and in so doing we forgave god the omniscient and power hungry, all knowing, you might say greedy for knowledge maker of heaven and earth, who had become straight jacketed in his own creation without the breathing room called for with sin. You see in Adam and Eve God had created his opposite, that is creatures wholly ignorant of good and evil. Of course once you know good and evil ironically your judgment goes out the window, since you will use one to cause the other without restraint. Therefor Adam and Eve were not only ignorant but innocent and hence at one with God, doing no wrong. The problem is neither was God, at one with himself, knowing all, gets a bit draining, or is it tiring? Overstimulating? That is why the original sin was so important, sin in essence is separation from God, hence ignorance, the sin before the sin, and also a much needed reprieve. So really god created us ignorant and sinful, or you might say sinfully ignorant of our sinfulness. And we being innocent in our ignorance, were counted on by God to grant creation some mercy and thereby enacting the more “classical original sin”. Eating the apple and lusting after knowledge.

I like this narrative because it contends that we are not sinful by nature at the same time as elevating our “original sin” to the heights of the greatest mercy, a sacrifice even. That’s a better narrative, since our ignorance is the state which christ brings about which results in a wholly loving and compassionate following the golden rule type of nature. And hence our true nature, backed up when christ admonished followers to be as little children. And since spirituality is all about expectation, now what do we expect of ourselves, save to do the right thing, even when suffering from a draught of information. As is our very nature. And while I do desire for a total return to our loving and ignorant pre fall nature, the beauty of life is in conquering your fears, and to have a fear you must have a contender, and hence, here we allow all darkness, pain, sickness, war, and even hunger. For in fasting there is hunger, and in war there is victory, in sickness there is recovery, and in pain there is endurance. And if you do not believe me take a look at any corporate executive who has run out of challengers, and what do you find corruption, in the absence of any external evil, we create evil, to bring us down, humble us, and finally in surrender we find christ.

The only difference between the corrupt CEO and the surrender of Christ is that one was done in the name of ignorance, “Forgive them father for they know not what they do.” And the other one was done in the name of gaining knowledge, and therefor the “original sin” committed in ignorance might be argued to be not so sinful at all but more a reflection of God’s own folly, the folly of sacrificing for knowledge.

Of course detractors will point out that God had instructed us not to eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but that only served to underline our ignorance, and the veracity of the snakes claims. If you want my opinion, had we eaten from the Tree of Life as the snake surely intended for us to, our ignorance would have been restored, and then living in blissful ignorance with the memory of the knowledge of good and evil would have finally been the heaven which God had intended, but perhaps god didn’t need the competition, or more likely he wanted us to multiply first, before sending his son, to die for us, and in fact giving us finally the bite from the Tree of Life.

Ah but were we truly ignorant if God instructed us not to eat from that tree? and surely if we were curious at all we might have waited first to hear what God would make of the snakes assertions, hence gaining more knowledge first without making such an ignorant sacrifice, and hence I say again, their ignorance was greater than their knowledge, and hence they were betting on their own ability to handle that knowledge, which based on everything else they knew, created by god, in eden, given free reign, seemed to attest to the contention that they were inherently good, assuming they had enough information to surmise all that, regardless it was forgivable.

But they were not like the corrupt CEO making a sacrifice for more knowledge when he already has more knowledge than ignorance, or one might say making a sacrifice for the knowledge of failure, since that is what all corrupt and wicked folks want, to see and know the love of christ, which I will say is forgivable as well, even if they are causing others suffering, so that they are able to actually feel anything, hell even God our God is a Jealous God, but the point is that they may get the surrender they are looking for but if they were more careful they also might have found a more direct route, instead they tried to take the short cut and ended up taking the long road.I

But the point of my detractors is the point I am making, even when you are most ignorant, do not mistakenly believe that you are too ignorant for divine guidance.

When I say it was overstimulating for god to live in full knowledge of his omniscience maybe what I mean is that it was just too much of the same kind of stimulation and that less stimulation actually meant a good new kind of stimulation the stimulation of ignorance, hence the need for the devil, creating humanity with free will, and blocking out the knowledge of our destiny to such an extent that he would still feel compelled to do the work which he knew would be required to bring about our ascension.

And then maybe the return of christ will be a simultaneous return to ignorance, for all those willing to not find their lives and their knowledge as power but willing instead to die in the name of the all loving god. The living sacrifice.

Do not be fooled into lusting after the spiritual, when proverbs warns, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but it’s end is the way of death”. or elsewhere, “The ways of the diligent lead surely to plenty but those of everyone who is hasty surely to poverty”

So take your time, be ignorant, there is not a shorter way, or listen to chapter one, “so are the ways of everyone greedy for gain, it takes away the life of it’s owners.” lose your life, for the life of christ.

There is no power else worth your time.

So the knowledge of christ is a spiritual knowledge not unlike forgetting to be ashamed.

And even this knowledge is a double edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and the bible says it is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

And the only reason that an inherently loving and ignorant creature would choose wickedness, is simply that a lack of love, a lack of god’s presence, a lust after knowledge without a proportional increase in love. but make no mistake about it we are not forced to choose evil, it is not written somewhere in our DNA, we are no more evil than we are good, just like god, we are the authors of both, and the universe requires both merely so that good might achieve greatness, but even this is not good just like ignorance, and knowledge, both neither good or bad, and once you realize all this about yourself and about the world, then you are free, born again, not free from temptation, not any less evil, just free, anything less would be legalism. even though we normally label love good and fear bad, this itself is not always true either, just like ignorance and knowledge, ignorance might get you closer to god, as does love, but too much of anything is codependent behavior, too much of anything is obsessive, and not part of our natural makeup, that’s right we were born to seek out safety and novelty, so the fear of the lord is likewise a good thing, pushing us beyond our innate drive toward complacency, on the other hand too much novelty and you might find yourself addicted to knowledge, which provides a different form of safety, equally good.

Talking is good because most of the time it is an act, and expression of ignorance. And when it is not, well what else is there that’s left for it to be save a transgression approaching violence.

Of course writing can be said to contain an even greater conceit, that’s why the only successful writers tell the most tragic tales of the characters ignorance and by that they redeem us as well as the written word.

I am not saying it is impossible to know good from evil, rather I am saying we are so inherently good, that despite the extreme difficulty in discerning good and evil, we still might do it effortlessly, and still be smart enough, and loving enough to profess ignorance.

The bible indeed speaks about this not using the will of the flesh, in the first chapter of john, we are so inherently good and loving that any attempt at claiming our own power over others, i.e. the will of the flesh, amounts to sin and death.

Sin is still real, grace and glory are still God’s to give, and surrender is still the most salient and redeemable value for us.

As long as you remember that vulnerability and ignorance are as good or better than knowledge and power you will do fine.

Even Hitler made the same mistake as Adam and Eve, thinking that knowledge, in his case of the Nordic blood and it’s potential to usher in a new Heaven on Earth, didn’t his curiosity get the better of him, or did he really hate the jews, fear of the unknown is still a fear of ignorance, unlike the christ like acceptance of God’s will. Or maybe he knew them too well and God used him as the vine dresser harvesting and trimming at will.

Forgive me for attempting to redeem God’s choice to give man free will, and my attempt to defend our innate goodness.

Or let me continue gravely.

God knew that man had goodness and evil inside of us, and hence the flood and selection of Noah, the tower of babel, and soddom and gomorah. If given a chance, the good seed would multiply and bear good fruit. My parents whom I respect might, that is mary beth and bob, stepfather and mother, come to me seeking to know the meaning of life, and the answer is simple eat drink and be merry, that is do not complicate your life beyond reason. and when it comes to discipleship remember that the pen is mightier than the sword, and also more to the point, as spoken by Solomon, “Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the lord and depart from evil, it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones.”

So how do we get people to give up the wicked side of absolute curiosity, the lust for more knowledge, at the expense of love, reason and surrender?

Because one might submit that our culture, the world as we know it, is a veritable breeding ground for such selfish ends.

Well I use to think that such encounters with god would do the trick, of losing one’s ego, dying for thy will be done, and various other ways of saying, surrender.

And I use to think that a hit or six of lysergic acid diethylamide would fix that problem cleanly.

But who am I to judge, such an encounter with god is liable to give someone an ego as often as remove one.

And as we are made in God’s image, well no surprise we end up with Jealous self appointed God’s like Hitler.

And on that note if we are, repugnantly evil, by nature, then god’s temptation of us to be good is so much Megalomania, and the only rational or calculating end for said Selfish and jealous God would be to weed out the weak, those choosing, good when evil might have saved more lives, or satisfied deeper needs, needs which when fulfilled upset only bureaocracy and legalism for our Jealous God.

So god weeding out the leaders for christ to harvest? Seems like that was the lesson of the new covenant, throw the laws out the window save love, and that even means, loving yourself, including the most self destructive tendencies of our gloriously evil inheritance, hence, “He who finds his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Maybe that is why christ is referred to as the bright morning star.

He came to give us the life eternal denied to us by God in the Garden of Eden, a seditious and revolutionary idea.

Just like the character of Christ.

So why do serial killers exist? if we are ultimately good enough to play with the holy fire and not get consumed, as christ would have you deny?

Deny it, you know better than to claim the truth.

If you want to be a serial killer then you know the truth.

Back to the LSD problem, people are dying for release, from bondage, from legalism, and desperate to hurl themselves into control, for the surrender, and the light, and the grace, for the glory and the truth.

Why do people report joy in digression, and, “It feels so good doing the wrong thing.”?

Remember, most of us perpetrate the wrong felt when doing the right thing.

Perhaps Jesus got that part correct as well, the world tells us to wear clothes, and tell the white lie, fake it, cut corners, lust after money and on.

Perhaps doing the right thing might feel wrong until we die to ourselves.

So doing the right thing in the mind of an evil person to the world appears wrong.

And to prove you are not evil in God’s eyes, stay ignorant, For instance, what is the value of spontaneity. Well it lies in doing something that you never planned on doing, by definition. And until you spontaneously do the last thing on your mind, how can you know what should be the first thing to do on your mind? and by that token we are called to stay in the spirit which activates a spontaneity unfettered by human will

Mr. Lagasse,

I am an old friend, ex-boyfriend of your cousin Jessie, and I am thinking about getting married and would love to gain an audience from her, receive her council, ect. Though since we left each other, she has discontinued any affiliation with me. Though according to the proceeding email this is the right time for it.

Here is the email dated October 7, 2009 sent from Jessie:

Your words are like arrows, and I know they weren't meant that way. I love the fairy tale dream of us being together and everything working out, but I know beyond a doubt that you will not be satisfied with anyone until you are more satisfied with yourself. I truly feel we only have a better chance because I love you unconditionally and would make sacrifices for us that no one else will make. I will not fight to be more than your friend when that promises more selfishness and pain. I hope beyond anything to be your friend.

As such, I am asking you to respect that I do not want to know about your personal life, until such a time as you need to notify me you are moving, marrying or becoming a parent. Other than that, lets leave out the details. I dont want to hear your details and I have no desire to share mine with you.

I pray you understand, and see that I have nothing but love for you and a desire for our friendship to be a healthy one.

-Love Jessie Chapter 3

Stay in the clutch when you encounter magic

sometimes you look disconnected and I mean that in the most abominable way scene confidence inspires confidence and pressure to perform creates performance, scene to hear is to obey, and what they do not tell you is that to obey is to command

Why do people remember things that are loud

How hard of hearing must he be who understands this

For every righteous man born a wicked seed takes true form and hearing takes obedience, discipline, the opposite of being under pressure that is why it endows one with the power to create the change and the one that creates the change is the one tempted with creating the pressure cooker that portends and creates performance scene about trust trust is the same as allowing someone else to share and create the change in you, it is hearing and obeying and it requires the other to feel trust for you and hopefully it is your trust in another which instigated the connection to begin with

I believe ever since the moment when with an almost painful and merciful clarity that I am from the future sent back in time to help solidify for others and myself the very future which sent me, we can debate what that future looks like since with the advent of fema camps and one world government on the rise what we all can be looking forward to is something that can bring one to a lack of words if there were words for it let them be this, no matter what the future holds or how we get there, a couple of things are for certain, we will not get there entirely on our own, our children and hence our life mates are the doorways, tickets, and price of admission that we must rely on to reach the rocketships into the great beyond that is our collective future as humanity

Now the one most critical variable that our future hangs on is that of population, I will say that in one future the one that I am from there does not need to be any sacrifice on the part of the artist, rather to the very extent that we surround ourselves with structure we accordingly will find a void which is only filled by those who are able to marshall the forces of art and disorder. To be inspired by some artist is to simultaneously live their life, to gain inspiration, and feel our own fragile structures getting rebuilt by something more creative and awesome, something more destructive and powerful. Something which has the power to build us is something that has the power to seduce us, to destroy us, and perhaps that is the price of admission to own a piece of the ever increasingly complex infrastructure that is post modern life. But the question remains who is the artist, the time traveler who has the power to inspire within us the same powers of creation and wrath that we are somehow lightened and enlightened to bear the burdens of reality everything we do of value requires structure and the job of the artist according to this book is to break out of the structure, what a novel concept and a dangerous one, well first let us understand what it means to by the artist the executive and rebel, the critic and the black sheep, well first to be misunderstood one first must feel a certain level of faith in oneself in order to withstand the whiplash from being a critic to be an executive one must be able to think for oneself and yes that means that they have to trust and hear what everyone says in order to first obey if they want to be trusted enough to take control and command and create a new reality this is the story of that executive of executive that artist behind all artists the child within the inner child the original reveler and an unfortunate black sheep among black sheep

Why why does it have to be this way, well we all know that only the finest diamonds are forged under the greatest pressures and that is why he had to suffer and that is the great truth at the center of this diamond that pressure cookers form life like no one has seen and if there were one law that in my life experience will not ever lead you wrong even when it does it is to allow yourself to face your fears and it is funny that even when you are facing a fear that you know that you should not face which is probably not a wise idea, because that scenario in the way I am describing it is such that what you are really facing is a fear of somebody else's making, and so you know that you ought not be facing it in other words what you are doing is pitting fear against fear, something that you know you should be afraid of because other people are afraid of it, but for some reason you are not, well even in those instances the universe sentient and aware will find a way to forge more exquisite and beautiful rare diamonds and stones

I am from the future and even though in the future folks might have been rounded up by martial law and herded into large fema internment camps well that does not mean that there is not a silver lining,

You see what we see in the future might be the the future is a dream that is more like a nightmare for those living in it that you might think the pressures of career, which is non-existent, and class, and success all get ratcheted up as do the stress, fears, and claustrophobias cynicism would be the new normal if not for the small but talented and highly prized specialists that call themselves entertainers some say the new artist is the go to guy for guilt, delirium and depression others say that if it were not for big brother conspiring with the artist then none of this would have ever happened

The old question bears repeating does the tail wag the dog or does the dog wag the tail, well what if it is the artists who are responsible for our 1984 future, and what if this is the story of the one artist who almost brought it all down the camera zooms in on the ruins of a city and the narrator deadpan says and this is what happens when the means of production are no longer in the hands of the people and nobody cares as details of the ruins resolve into focus a crevasse emerges to reveal not only the destruction wrought and the wreckage of offices left only half standing by the fault line but also life, a bustling business that thrives where there ought to be or at least we thought ought to be desolation

Then they are coming out of the theater and it is a contact improv group and they are talking about the implications of the movie is it true do you really think that he is from the future there is no way, that movie could never bring about the end of the world no but what if the book could the government would never let it out if it was that powerful the government does not know the difference yea they do not really have time travel but what if they do yea and what if what he says is true that it is up to us which version of the future that we inhabit we have got to read this guys book do you think what he said about the silence of presence which is transferable between people and how it protects the person with the most gravity well yea I guess and that means most of this conflict might be arising out of the power grab for this silence and if our children are the gateway to this future then those who breed with the strongest holders of the silence yea that leaves the weak to fight for what's left and the gap between the rich and the poor will only continue to grow until the fema camps almost become a necessity and if he can really inspire confidence or trust in anyone then no wonder he is making this movie he is trying to close the gap before it is too late scene later without communication we slip into fear and only foster the same fear in others if we had the faith and internal and external confidence childlike in transcendence that forges a bond that is unshakeable no one would suffer the crisis of confidence and artistic suffering all of our problems are due to a lack of communication which is based on a lack of trust and that lack of trust results in pent up emotions which brings about explosions which in turn bring about the very situation which triggers the lack of communication in the first place no wonder the powers that be are letting him remake this movie, he is the only one with enough faith infectious enough to empower folks and that means he can be responsible for bringing more folks into the future you see he is teaching the females to be discriminating in a whole new way girls will not simply fall for the guy because they are intimidated by him, they will fall for him because they are confident in the discipline, and self respect that a man, has his own unique flavor of silence for her and him to bring them into the future a more stable future you see there are some artists which feed off of creating disorder, which would not be necessary unless we are all suffering for such a repressed need for catharsis so what I think he is trying to do, is if we all become respectable artists then we put the damned busters out of work if you are obsessed with commanding well it will feel like the power to obey and the blessings that it extends will be slipping away sometimes if you are obsessed with being the alpha it will make it hard to see the way to hear someone else, and all one has to do is to help others to find the alpha inside of them match them up with the most suitable and supportive women in the vicinity so what I am really writing about is this time I am in the auction house and walk back to the concession stand to get something to drink, there is coffee, and thinking that it might be free I proceed to fix myself a cup and the vender speaks up to ask me if I want coffee vendor outspoken and in the situation a bit abrupt and all but meant to feel accusing

Coffee? oh yes that would be great how much is it vendor a dollar me awkwardly oh right well let's see here I think, yea all I have is my plastic do you accept plastic vendor no the nice large man wearing a sasquatch hunter hoodie says he will pay for me and a wave of gratitude overcomes me so I take the dollar, kind of foolishly not knowing how to repay the kindness and realizing and yet hoping that this guy does not know that I will never be able to give him the proper return on his kindness that I ought to or would if it were a perfect world and that is all communicated by the stuttering way I almost rip the dollar out of his hand, and this is all occurring to me at progressively deeper levels of my subconscious so then I get the coffee and it tastes great however it is really too hot to drink so a new customer comes up and in the meantime the vendor whose name turns out to be astra which I had to ask about later since it did not immediately fall into that easy category called familiar which helps us remember or at least repeat names effortlessly enough to recall for future use well she and I are talking and I am trying to avoid having to tell her when she asks if I am here with someone me awkwardly well yes um with my mom you see she lives in town and then she asks me if I am visiting and I go on to say that I worked at the local dominos as a way of avoiding her question while still giving an answer and anyway this guy comes up and saves me and we are all talking and all I can think is that he has the high tone and by that I mean he is doing my thing he is speaking with masculinity and vulnerability that unselfconsciously charming style of combining the male and female to make the whole greater than the sum of the parts and all I am thinking is that he is leaving himself vulnerable to me or in another way you could say he is offering to share the high tone with me, the high tone his presence which is like trust and confidence and feeling depth of feeling which if you are like me can be overwhelming when you have it but it feels so good and often comes so rarely and one feels so full that one might describe my inner state as that of the newly socially embarrassed spoiled popular girl who will do anything to keep it some kind of whiney and desperate emotion that passes for feeling but is actually pure fear which we all know originates in the mind and as such is good for nothing by the way of keeping and holding on to such feeling well anyway, they were talking about guns and all I could think is there will have to be a moment where I will be called, or if not called at least cast, or if not cast at least not forbidden entirely to make my entrance into the world of real people and say something with feeling and so restore my own feeling and emotion and presence again after a day of feeling relatively numb, I might have had for an opening before is now naught oh well I think perhaps the very thing that got me into this mess might get me out, and so I use concentration or what little of it I have left to try to remain vital and present, and that only gets me so far until I hit on the one thing that would seem counter productive, I mean here I am concerned about feeling like an alpha male when it is clear that he is the alpha, and so the only way to share his victory is to surrender and aid the female in his capture, and that is what I do I imagine them in a courtship ritual culminating in as my vivid imagination and psychic fair allows me to will it's consummation right there and then, and miraculously the tension eases and I sigh and they simultaneously like it was all pre agreed and had been part of some unseen and unspoken of conversation amongst and between all of our subconsciousnesses and only after the fact do I hear what they might have learned about me, but that is for me to know and that is the truth that nobody speaks of but everyone might hear tyler and zeke were the best of friends they spent the hours together after school before going to bed at night and after arriving home together on the school bus you style of communicating makes me feel like I am going to forget that I am loved when power enters a body it is not male or female and so if you are having trouble sharing power with somebody stop thinking of them as one gender or another and you will see them for what they are a genderless and powerful creature a human being it seems like the secret to self actualization in the modern age is to stop putting pressure on yourself once you are already there you are there of course the contrapositive of not putting pressure on yourself has nothing to do with being predictable it does not translate that way, in fact the people who put to much pressure on themselves are precisely the type of people who will not ever surprise themselves, so it does not mean that you will stop challenging yourself or growing or evolving, the only type of pressure that can prevent all of that is the type of pressure that parents can put on a child therefor do not try and put the parental pressure on anyone it will probably end badly for you and for them I mean there is the type of person who thinks they are being intelligent when they are getting too emotional and then the type of person who thinks they are being emotional when they are getting too reasonable and heady and sociopathic try to stay in the humble grove the wise mind between the intellectual

If I were you and you were me what could you say besides this to make me think that you are sincere one man could not have caused the downfall of civilization but perhaps if he first began by practicing nothing, thrashing around in a barnes and noble second story cafe, and then traveling from house to house speaking about the meaning of life and the futility of consumerism well then he might have folks all around the world who knew someone who knew someone who met him and then when the movie first came out it would have had the potential to do what they say in source code the world is hell but we have a chance to start again in the ruble but first there has to be ruble well maybe that was the impetus or maybe the government allowed it to happen in one parallel universe or something and the numbers were growing who had more faith in the other world than this one, maybe it was a type of out of body experience that facilitated the experience of what it was like to live in the post apocalyptic utopia and yet the arc is one of doing nothing towards doing something and creating structure, routine and discipline self control, habit, formula trauma begets distress, and equals unproductive pressure, republican tend to believe that things tend to be functioning better when force is involved if I were writing more nicely about them I would swap the word force with discipline but the point is the same republicans believe that things are accomplished when the forces of competition are functioning to divide the strong from the weak and that this is necessary since scarcity rules republicans world view of scarcity applies to everything from power to memory and what lies unclaimed republicans use force to mock the poor of spirit and democrats at least in principle well they stand for no principles and hence level the playing field until we all are swine but if they were forces of nature designated a gender then republicans would be male and democrats would be female one strong and the other weak probably the greatest and simply misunderstood verse in the book is fear the lord and depart from evil it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones the problem with this verse is that fearing the lord leads one to hate evil with a passion that might lead one to combat it like republicans and not run from it like liberals there is something in me that knows when I am and when I am I am and that leads to more presence and more memory perhaps it is the fear of the lord and I was feeling it this morning and my step father Ragley as usual throws his voice at me like he is trying to say that he is further back in time than me and that is like trying to intimidate me from my perspective into leaving him alone. From his perspective he probably is simply trying to brace himself and cling to posterity impression and memory hood honor and self respect where is the line between being forgotten and making others forget, is there enough to go around like the liberals want you to believe or do we really all make our own destiny scrapping like lizards in the timeline of infinity well back to this morning, Rangley hit me and with his voice challenged me to take him deeper if I dared, deeper into my memories, aiding his forgetting his dreaming but if he is having a nightmare where does my loyalty lie, with my fear of the lord, or with that liberal departing from evil log line: when everybody else was thinking about getting laid, at the age of eighteen he was thinking about getting the best use of his time, getting closer to nature and god, and saving humanity a young screenwriter writes a movie which when viewed leads others to reduce the earth to rubble but when the government gives him a chance to save humanity with a rewrite he decides to give them more than they bargained for and when a new technology offers the viewer a simulation of the experience of living in the post apocalyptic utopia it is originally offered for free which in theory ought to dispel any desire to go there in reality but what is originally inspiring and uplifting for the blue collar workers becomes a source of laziness and prices soar until the economy picks back up and even the crack heads want to earn a decent living or that is what they want you to believe when the truth is that going there steals the high tone from here and the new souls end up going there instead of here so the price has to rise to assure a stable balance of power we can go there for real and take our chances at rebuilding or we can stay here and visit there in virtual reality so there is the hero's real story and the one that we tell the camera it is a movie about making a movie enter they see the government wants to put people into fema camps and declare marshall law if the screenwriter cannot come up with a solution they have got the camps in place and the necessary legislation ready to go and all he can tell you for sure is that even if that happens it will not happen to the best the most elite artists because as long as there are people who work hard and get stressed out there will be a need for entertainment couch surfing and large tents for people to live communally go against the grain but the government allows it with the condition that doing so must allow the wheels of commerce to continue to spin freely he is given a window of time to allow the cream of the crop to rise until the curtain comes down and the law separates the wheat from the chaff the raw material is there he comes to recognize from meeting the down and out that the dangers of squandering the precious time and resources of society upon drifters and low life scum the people who are so self involved that they would not lift a finger for a friend let alone a neighbor and yet then he conceptualizes a grand dating match making machine, a scheme to partner and couple ever loser and foundling he finds that with a little faith in the opposite sex from the right person light is enlivened in even the darkest of souls but this only works up to a point until the light begins to founder and it takes another man's presence to excite those who would otherwise get flaky burnt out and lose grounding and this is the litmus test the formula proven for making self actualized artists the bulk of his work then is to interview and separate the actors from the players see if you might discern the difference and know what he knows about seducing the audience into revealing all that they know the moral decay that we experience might be due to our most creative faculty run rampant and for all the mens' locker rooms we still go to bed at night alone if we are not brave and clever but if not for art why and what inspires one to feel proud and brave and different and is it not dangerous if power gets consolidated to the point that it is beyond reproach well the good news is that as soon as one reaches the point of self actualization one has already developed a craving for that power even if one has only had a taste of it it will forever corrupt the mind, body and heart and love is the only thing that can set it free, trust and intimacy with a true love to wash it and make it new because at the end of the day who do you go home to love is the only thing which makes the motor turn ext guys come out of a theater talking more about the preview they just saw than anything do you think it will really bring about the end of the world

I don't know the preview looked pretty wicked yea I know and the concept was beyond reproach we have got to find out one way or another executive studio am I selling out are you giving in are you valuable enough to afford selling out what do you mean… like it is not one or the other

I mean who wants to trade off your soul for another's well you are the one who wrote the book if you want to get it out there you have to take the can off the worms image of an upside down can being removed to reveal soil and worms well I guess you asked for it cut to scene with the time lapse opens with the scene which is really a preview for a film scheduled to release in 2020 tell story about mountain experience well that all sounds well and good why are you conflicted about it cut to scene from the outside of the wreckage that is the fucking problem what if this thing is real looks at audience knowingly well that is something that we are going to have to deal with fuck that what do you mean you can't give up no I mean fuck that you don't get it do you what do you mean it's not selling out if you inspire civilization to crash so what no that's not what I mean you see you said that it is something that we are going to have to deal with but I said you don't get it (screaming) don't lose it man what are you getting at yea well you see we do not have to deal with it because it is already being dealt with what do you mean don't you see, didn't you ever wonder why those preview were so fleshed out already and the movie has not even gotten off the ground I mean we are not even scheduled to release until 2020 yea I guess that is a little funny but you know previews are always that way no you still do not get it, the movie has already been made we are living in a parallel universe where the government has sent me back into time to remake it and every time that I make a change that results in more stability for the western world well I wake up a little further from the release you mean yea earlier and younger what about putting in the wrong things things that take away from the stability of the world well they leave me older and running out of time and if I run out of time completely the world comes to an end all over again gosh well isn't that like what my shrink was telling me what if you want to feel younger and more alive look around yourself and put yourself in others shoes how is that supposed to help well the fundamental principle is empathy how the fuck are we going to do that you are selling out no tell them about the catch but what if we do not get it right

I am fucked

I am going to have to live life knowing that I single handedly wrote the screen play which brought america to it's knees you mean it is not like this over in europe no it is, I just mean oh well at least I made the highest grossing movie ever yea well let's get to work on this thing well that is just it the conditions of the deal were that my original script would no longer exist if they sent me back in time, you mean all they sent you back with were the previews yep and you do not remember the plot points, no they tortured me before sending me back what yea so that I would be highly likely to comply well you got any ideas only the parts of my life from before I wrote it like what insert part about men needing men, self actualization and the craving for power well we were talking about starting an asshole line where people would call up for a service, and that service we would provide by being assholes, and it came to me that since only the self actualized asshole would bother calling for kicks right well he would be our candidate and we while being a bigger wise ass obviously well we would weed out the weak from the formidable assholes and thereby recruit new folks not only to hone their own skills by receiving calls but also to move toward a greater majority in the population where we might stand a chance of effecting real change for instance a guy calls up and the receiving asshole picks up hello because hi is for sissies nobody reveals anything remotely resembling the word i until the kill and the low tone holds the root of power hence hello now the only good way to proceed is to say something like calling asshole: I heard you were hired help notice he used I twice before he finished his breath neatly and professionally going right for the kill hey he did do the calling it puts down the station of receiving asshole as mere servant and though if received right it will fail to take the the high tone from a true root response from hired help who should still have the high tone as long as he reveals nothing dodges the question and effortlessly, quickly and confidently puts down the caller hence only if you are fucking your mother notice that he is using the opposite of i the bait you, which can only be used confidently if you are holding the upper hand now the final clincher for the caller to prove himself by not denying the insult or confirming it while using I again this time only once to reflect a shift in power as any response to a well framed initiative would slowly equalize the situation hence what if I am or something similar

okay great idea what else you got well really only just more of my story which is dangerous since I am fairly certain that I might have used some of it in the original version what makes you think that they really would have missed anything well how can I know for sure, I do not remember anything except the original title well work with us here what do you remember oh gosh hand on forehead, where do I begin at that point someone comes up to him and somehow introduces a copy of the book the book is obviously written by you but a you that never wrote the original movie what do you mean no one can find him but his book is here for all to see how do you know that it was written by me well he describes scenes from the movie no no no this is bullshit gawking at him sorry it doesn't feel right what do you mean we got to stop fucking with them looks at the audience yea I thought it was a little kitschy alright well tell them the real story alright I wrote the book and I wrote the screenplay and I really did forget it or rather it was stolen from me stolen yes when I was in jail what were you in jail for

I got into the back of an ambulance thinking that I would be reborn what you mean like it was some type of natal dalorean exactly okay good and then what happened well it is a long story and I really am diagnosed bipolar and who knows what else it's cool bro no body is going to deny your story after seeing those previews you wanna bet okay okay keep talking and we will keep walking the audience through it what is the last thing you remember explain about the high tone so you think I am making this thing and they are stealing my memory of making it until they get what they want that is frightening no not if you think like I do that we are all in this together and all things know what do you mean well the morning before all of this happened with the ambulance well the most amazing things were happening to me and I realized that it wasn't even the morning in question what do you mean yeah what was it it was the end of time oh yea how did you know

I thought that was supposed to be in 2012 well they were off by about five years and just shy of three months okay go on have you ever read terrence mckenna time and mind we'll he describes the self transforming machine elves who are singing objects into existence and throwing things all around and how you cannot trust them well at the end of the essay he says he found out what that place was, it was not only meme traders but it was somebody very weird it was their idea of a safe place for a human being and I found a way to trust them and that person is me and this movie is destined to be the last meme before the fall of western civilization and the new world will be that much better after we rebuild from the best of the best perhaps or that is what I thought before I made the first one hold on what exactly happened that morning

flashback to guy in field while seemingly out of nowhere a lone mushroom or two emerges from between the blades of grass and then after tentatively testing the color to bleed blue he consumes a little and then more until all around him as if by magic mushrooms have appeared to fill his belly like mana from heaven completely feeling sober he sits on the grass listening to the tennis game and he hears the high tone which he owns in the ball the source of play and attention playing quantum games of hide and seek with the players taking off in odd directions which he knows all about while at the same time he also knows that like in the dream the players do see only their own tricks and then the army duck mobile man who wanted to fight and feel a bond then when I was in jail a face appeared in my mind the material of all facial manifestation took form in a super topographical extra dimensional map well when I awoke after watching the ping pong ball fly away from the game in the middle of play and knowing that it was me and at the players all knew it was me and in their knowing that it was me well it became them we were all equals except the girl the entity which appeared on the wall 20 feet above everything she would come around in the morning like a guard or the food cart and steal your soul I realized since you were only in there for being a player who did not hold on to the love he was given and invest it effectively enough to bring about bail and I became fascinated by the story of peter cotton tail or is it little bunny foo foo well I guess in me there were a little bit of both, just like there are in us all as my father told me over and over as a little boy power corrupts and absolute power corrupts well let's not go there the rest of the story is my folly oh come on yea give it okay well I realized that she couldn't take your soul if you knew who you loved on the outside and hence if you had the time in real life who you could have invested your love into enough so that a good man would not be left looking like little bunny foo foo who freshly wasted of all his chances and as soon as I realized this I realized something else instead of the girl the entity coming every morning she only came every other morning and my devious mind went to work on that and came back with a plot to get our souls back, well I thought knew what she was doing with them, she was turning us into females by bearing children of one whose mother was quicker than her father and hence she bore females and the family name would die, oh shit baitingly go on but once one male woke up we had a whole day all to ourselves where we could do what we wanted with the soul of anyone and I realized that was the rule no double dipping, right we could only call up and invite one girl into the jail to sleep with on our day of course this worked really well for a while and all but what if the girl you called did not feel, and this was all telepathic with in my mind only the dream of reality, if she did not feel the same way about you, or simply was out of the area, or indisposed right, because the chances were since we were all awake now and calling our girls and we all ended up in that magical jail because we were the masters of the universe well of course if they were single they would find a way to get there, the only thing that can stop magic is magic and love is magic spell it out don't spell it out

I mean it made since if they were saving you and that level of confidence in them accumulated in the history of other relationships then how quickly does one justify raising any old females confidence simply as a means of helping your fellow man right as long as she is single and you are single so I devised a system where the days went by quickly and on the female day I would have a replica but not substantive gesture which matched the gesture for the real day denoting which order of female I would gain the most confidence from and hence stand the chance of being the most saved by well when it was only two girls my gestures were fairly simple I mean that is only two days or four if you are on a round robin no pun intended like a bird calling to mate I evolved a orderly and complicated ritual of signaling for the male guards to know when and who the day which might only last as long as the ritual took to go through one or two cycles and well I remember doing slightly different things with my hands first one and then the other with a slight difference and a countdown and then incorporating and evolving perfect symmetry above with slight asymmetry below until I realized that one I thought I heard the guards say that he has figured it out and two as the list grew it would through a ultimately binary evolution be too complex for me to go past five and who needs more than five anyway but after that I was able to telepathically call the girls and tell them what they meant not with words so entirely as much as tone one is only able to evoke as much one as one invoked and that is cumulative well either way I realized that this is were culture came from and civilization, science and the arts men were attempting to outwit the women and women well we all know a woman a woman wants to be mysterious women are just men playing the asshole game, except a real woman wants love more than fame, and that is what a real man wants, well maybe fifty fifty for a man, either way these real women become like men contributing ever bit as much to the culture anyway aside from that I was convinced that I was the winner of a large cash prize possibly even the keys to the disney castle the real home and office of Walt Disney and i kept making this sound when the toilet would flush that sounded like mickey mouse and I would sing m i c k e y m o u s e like the original musketeers and I was convinced that folks my folks my friends and people all over america were calling in to a show like lets make a deal except I would always tell them what they were thinking before they knew it and they were all trying to unlock the labrynthe of complicated riddles and codes I left to keep only the most pure of heart from entering

I was not being locked in they were being locked out well until they tazzered me

I might as well have been being protected and really I asked for that

I knew that my magic was running out but I had not forgot the magic that I rode on the way in here which lived with me in the larger room outside of my cell and I thought that there had to be a clue that i was missing a residue of that magic left inside the room sure enough and the source of the secret I knew lie in electricity the rooms lighting fixture after looking it over I found something I had missed and it was this red feather on the little metal pull string which should not have existed but I did not know that we did not have control of the lighting and of course this room might have been special that was before they took me to the dungeon where I might rise again more on that in a flash so I am pulling on the feather and eventually the magic works and the sound I heard earlier of someone suffering was me however it was symmetrical they brought me as much joy as they brought me horror

first they laid me down and unhancuffed me after filming me and he might have said stay there oh somewhere in all of this a parallel world opens and I am in a room with perfect audio recording equipment all up and down the door state of the art imbedded in the frame anyway moving on after my performance claiming with authority and the low tone I am the ancient one and then the rendition of one natural one easy as the claim well then and I do not know if this was before the wall opened un to reveal a super size 20 by 40 screen set to pick up the souls that were flowing out of me and the souls were slowly downloaded with a sound of like a bomb shell falling to the units dvd collection and it was all like in one day but they created a new day for me one where I would be less hungry for power and more likely to hide the sweetness inside of me but perhaps what it means to be full grown is just that to live every day like it was the last until it is perfect, perhaps there is time travel and folks are all servicing the one true meme until we meet our equals for instance joe francis if that is really his name sounds fishy my fathers father had a second wife who boldly filled the shoes if not the feet of his first my grandmother and her name was francis the second one anyway he shows up at the end that would not end and realized he was in a loop of never-ending originality and that the only original thing to do was to stand up and leave and so he does this and when he does he announces that he has seen the end like he has in reality since how many variations of holy shit it does not even exist this show it is something like seth mcfarlane would write along with some rare space opera anyway so I see joe and all of these little joe's come out of him like he split into parallel realities and it was not the first time long story short i ended up in the room where they shot me and I took the led like a pro, said nothing until they came and got me picking me up under the arms this was after he told me hey come here and I got up oh well now I listen harder so I say way to go guys and then when it gets rougher walls of jericho perhaps right when they are taking me down

I refuse to write about the rest because we would be here forever and none of it means anything without a wife and kids to take care of each other so what you heard me I am old fashioned I will make the money take care of each other discipline is good for a kid you might think me sane but I trust you that I am will I make this movie I do not know,

I guess I have to, I remember that when i was there in jail my aunt and uncle were telling me they were working on the meggido project and that is what they told me i had to call it this time since the supercomputer or whatever found out that since this movie has the power to level civilization then the arabs would since this movie depicts christianity so well the only chance we stand of facing off the arabs sits on your lap points to working script add essay about weak artists then what comes first takes not one priority

I mean logically I should tell you so what do you think about the movie well we could do the most instant thing available and spread our search for folks who have either found something that was not there which then led to something they could not have found otherwise but don't you think that movies like groundhog's day and waking life and the matrix have been doing that already oh that is not the only two on the list, maybe for now but wait until you hear the end of the story there is an end well a story like this is always ending and beginning what do you mean

I mean they put me in a machine that is what that jail was, an acoustical psychofluidic cerebrospinal machine and they made copies of me so many copies and believe me I worked with them to help maintain fidelity until they had made so many that you could not tell them apart, but in the end we left a trail of clues for ourself to find and unlock in the mind until we all went on to make this very movie and to make it perfectly so yes there is an end and it is final and just whether or not it is happy is up to the audience for who am I to tell we are just artists caught in the middle of a holy war take away to a new set of actors exiting a new movie and getting in touch with me and asking since they know it was a prerelease if it was the final version and what happens after rising from the dead and all well confess that he has a lot more to put into the film and that he was only trolling for new talent with the prerelease as he is not satisfied with the main actor and hear them say wow and get all buddy buddy till he indulges that he wrote the whole thing more or less in about a day and that he had not two or three days before been coming to grips with being schizophrenic and reading the dummies guide to schizophrenia and reflecting on the time when in an abnormal psychology class about schizophrenia he defended the artistic merit of schizophrenics very effectively he thought at the time and how he said they ought to not feel labeled but rather glorified for their wisdom on a website like youtube so all of us mere mortals might live on edified by the rarified words in fact i was feeling so empty for the millionth time in my life that I thought for sure perhaps this time I would never feel full again and yet it comes and perhaps the medicine allows me to feel empty and I like that better than vacant at least I know the temperature of my soul and besides I am thinking about saving the rest for the book anyway I guess if you are evil then self destruction becomes a ketch but know that no matter how evil you are or how empty you become because you forgot to embrace that evil you will never forget the truth of you and your brain circuits are new as the day you were formed

I think that where the bible has adam coming before eve, perhaps at the end of time the woman comes first the entity that takes all of the men which are rendered unfit once you are self actualized resist the urge to make everything self referential then you will end up like malkovich the high tone is like this once you learn to use your voice and you find that you might reach any pitch and volume it becomes only polite to maintain self control the majority of the time obviously after all of this I wrote what would then be the original original script and it was titled the selfish elf and i know it sounds like fiction but it had I seem to remember an even catchier subtitle and the script was stolen from me and here we are with this version and I can almost guarantee from my limited memory of the original this has hardly anything to do with it furthermore after saying what I said about not forgetting things let me also say that there is a reason that I have forgotten that script since this one would not have been possible otherwise so there is a girl I know and she is my muse and she dreamed me up and I dreamed he up and ironically well we all dream one another up and in that respect there is a factory of new souls which are often the synthesis of two or more, usually two is the case people who you know already

I realized that my father most likely was responsible for the work that was being done to toughen me anyway after it was all over and I was at my lowest point and felt like I had been thrown away well I knew I wasn't going to be bailed out the first month luster faded quickly and I started memorizing proverbs to remind myself that I had a mind and morally the proverbs did more than strengthen my mind it heartened my heart so what if the movie is called megido the book is called verities of power and that is the lesson of the proverbs the lesson you will learn if you want to walk the walk, yes you the target audience if you convert to christianity and you want to know the truth that jesus knew the wisdom handed down from before david and put into the mouth of solomon the ancient knowledge the reason for the divide and the reason to cross it all kidding aside know yourself know the old testament and know the reason for god obviously I remember two versions of the event in one I clearly remember the gun going off and in the intervening time I also remember lying on the floor blissfully if not shockingly unafraid of dying and the keys to the castle were being well half were being collected like some kind of metal by their people and the other half wooden keys were being collected by I guess my ex girlfriends then there is the yelling and the tazzering as they held me to the floor and yelled STOP resisting and that of course scares one and leads to further evasions either way the tazer user was a like a surgeon and he worked on me surgically in a way which clearly was meant to heal me of an old problem I had with my back afterwards I get up and everyone is there like in a movie set after a scene has been shot and since I took the blame I was the one who took the gun either way it looked like the officers standing around in the room and one cute one too young to be on the force but the right age for a movie set well she was there I guess when I look Tobin Bell from Saw in the eyes and he says I am done here and walks off, and I might have walked right out of the machine right then well who knows but I also guess I wasn't going to risk it with the shit that went down and so I walk back into the cell and sit on the bed that night or some nights later after seeing the guy with the tape and that was the black and white striped miniature square like a carpenters and he used it to hypnotize me into the state where he mentions this might be the first tape and then there was the other runner up for the messianic role and he was of course, to complement my part, of a different color and he easily consumed me

what is his name his name is ninian bond how do you know wise asses who were already looking for would be inclined to gentle some futures might be populated by less of so my mom is suffering with the consequences of her decision to leave a big hearted man like her well as proverbs says to deliver you from the immoral woman who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her god to jessie

I hope you take the time and listen please

I have lost all faith in myself, I fear success, and I am most of all afraid of change, I know you could not have remained friends with me and what a shame to think about the difference you would have made for me if you had

I am sure that you are happy and in relationship with someone just to know you read this would mean a lot to me sure I know that your success in love revolves around the confidence which I conferred to you and what a shame to think of the difference you might have made in my so the most amazing thing that happened to me after that and the reason I went on to write the rough screenplay that I wrote in jail well it was all thanks to the dream where I entered a looping near death experience, the same one we call life, with one major difference in this loop at the end of my life all of my memories crystalized and net a sum of emotion which I found exhilarating enough to engage the loop again and again inside the loop it always began with balls of color which were in a labyrinth of stone and they were tiny and perhaps even few in number to begin with, certainly some kind of rudimentary calculation, however the trick would be well if you attended to one in particular then it would take on your energy and become a part of you

I guess that would like developing an ego some part of the mind which believed that the whole thing was real and not a game and that belief felt real so real that one might lose sleep over the fate of the whole thing

Or maybe when you still knew it was a beautifully simple and effective rudimentary calculator that is when you knew it was real, that is when you possessed the objectivity to feed the real superego, and the consequence of over attending to one of the players, well that is of course sometimes the way to get on the ball again would be to let the ego die and allow larger balls to roll over you picking you up in the momentum a fatalistic surrender to the imminent plant of the superego in eminence the main thing which sticks with you is the memories from the afterlife and from those memories a few things stuck well first it was the impression that the life ahead as the life behind portends great possibility like the sum of the greatest imaginary theme parks combined and well it is america and what do you expect well that and then the three stages of the evolution while living the life meeting the platypus the wisdom keeper and riding the swing about which would if rode enough expand ones tolerance for power and therefor information since information is power

I remember feeling esteemed for my ability to ride it longer and harder than others and my half brother and sister know this so let's talk a little bit about the eyes of the platypus because they were the spitting image of surrender and in that surrender if you were blessed with perception might discern the ancient wisdom that the platypus is a symbol for I believe that the platypus was a daughter of a daughter and on and on until it would be apparent that she needed to receive a man worthy enough to perceive her value and bring her a son you see some women give birth to all daughters and that is rare just like a man who gives birth to only sons well if she is the daughter of a daughter of a daughter then perhaps the sons she births would be capable of leaving legacies unheard of she had a purse and she had goggles but to even witness her one must first hear the duck in the 21century game of duck hunt and I am talking about a sixth sense type of hearing since there were no sounds all the bushes looked the same and to kill the duck one must become the duck well there were scientists and I knew who they were they were tall and had prodigious ears and noses and well I remember them coming to observe me but in the dream they were there to remind me of the importance of absconding with the platypus's purse which is like the sum total of her wisdom a price to pay for a place where imagination meets the soul where all inspiration comes from but every time I played the game and caught the platypus I wanted to wallow in her sorrow with her and show her the understanding that was within me not to rob her of her riches however if I went for the purse after showing her understanding even for a second it would be to late and she would understand me enough to predict the direction of my thoughts and I never got the purse in the end she gave me her goggles to see into the subconscious even though I had a hand on the purse and my grip was good enough to keep her from escaping

I have heard that other people have had dreams like this and I believe that some people get the girl and some people get the purse I think the scientists were like the alien government from the future who were attempting to defer any affiliation with family that I might have had to accelerate the permutations of what and who I might be without the purse

this is too self referential what

I mean the whole movie how do you expect the audience to even believe that this is remotely less tame than the original movie would have been

I don't' that's just it, the more the movie appears contrived, made up, and self referential the greater the chance of it not being taken too seriously leading people to do something hasty but rather to promote introspection and reconsideration of values and reevaluation of priorities besides I cannot write the movie I could of then I am not in the full flood of pure creative inspiration that i was then if you are right then all the memories they left you with are fair game today I was thinking it felt like a part of my soul would die if I didn't stay in the light of social flux and like if we would only allow folks to live in large tents perhaps there might be room for an injection of artistic vision in our world that would save the lazy and tenderize and revitalize the heart and soul of rich folks out there

I am not saying that capitalism is worthless, though it is not without room for improvement either for instance we have zoning for commercial and residential why not for communal where the wealth of capitalism in the form of private funding would be allowed to open up autonomous zones where folks would be able to gather eat and socialize without the pressures of consuming discipline would become an important value to guide the nations psyche away from abusing the spaces of course and if this movie does anything it ought to be to communicate that isolation which is the product of stiff competition well it only breeds mental illness so it is not that all artists are low life inbred weaklings who can't compete and the answer then would be to eradicate art all together but the answer is that we need more and more of the right kind of artists, lovers, workers and players but if you are looking for approval the platypus will run it's the old song and dance about women wanting a man who is bad and hence does not appear to need them it is not that we need less artists but healthier artists not that people need to work less but play as well intelligence is all about context and understanding context improves the gravity and presence of the situational factors in the mind but if you obsess with yourself as the source of all situational gravity then you will fail to receive the meaning of the moment context is like silence and the more aware of the context you are of your actions the more you will learn about the context of the world around you so it is like the power of silence it is cumulative

I think if my mother had not married such an insensitive man after my father, then I would feel that I had a better chance at finding a suitable girl as a sensitive man with my mom interested in such a dangerous character it makes me nervous but I guess if she is going to expose herself to the jaws of the beast then what am I to do with myself if she is addicted to power then what chance do I stand of finding a girl without feeling greedy for gain and I didn't' even realize what pressure I was putting on myself until she stood up for herself, put her foot down and stepped on his tail right when the light in his eyes shone of the greatest evil

the most powerful force is not power but brokeness and vulnerability which when combined with truth has the power to freeze a beast but also to inspire and humble anyone and everyone else who might have been aspiring to be beasts

the powers that be want the movie to be made because it makes the population harder to overthrow, it makes the population more intelligent which is the dangerous part, the helpful part is that it comes with it's own prescription for morality movement at the touch of a thought it is like magic but when there is structure to the thinking then it loses it's magic there is like a place of creativity that exists when you are a child and you haven't been taught to deny yourself the freedoms of impulsivity all inspiration comes from this place of pure chaos and without curiosity there can be no guts there is a thing going on and by thing I mean some metaphysical gender reassignment thing that promotes with severity the most fit members of each gender there are some members of each gender which are like free agents who are able to materialize and update their soul to the strongest members of the opposite sex, and they earn the right to do this by proving that the member of the opposite sex has something to hide and once they have done that they have upgraded to the strength of the soul in question giving them greater powers of deduction, introspection and circumspection all for utilizing and deducing who is hiding nothing, and what I mean specifically is that there are girls who take on the karma and in effect live the life of the souls which are weaker than them, so they are actually men hiding as women which is what the weaker males would choose to do or they allow to happen since the benefits are foretold in the way that the bogey and or birdie either turns into the eagle and or takes a mulligan and what I mean is that the birdie bogey will continue taking souls until they are either forced to take a mulligan and search for a better birdie from the sidelines in a males body one whom they turned or they will find one that they cannot turn and hence help him to keep from being turned by the other birdie bogeys and in so doing effectively live his life from within him as much as from without for he is the only one capable of instructing the lesser males in the ways of hiding nothing so the question arises who can tell the difference between the birdies and the bogeys since the bogeys are out to turn you and by that I mean take away your confidence by turning into a greater male whom they have already turned and the birdies will build your confidence until you are strong enough to keep from being turned as easily well the eagle will be able to tell the difference but the way the world is changing so fast and vast well the truth is that there can only be one eagle for whom everyone else is either a birdie or bogie in training and by that I mean that all males will turn into females for the female eagle and all females will turn into males for the male eagle and if they were already males they are then birdies in training learning to be better males for the inevitable time when they are faced with the female eagle and they turn into females and this has to be so since the female eagle likes to eat only the most rugged birdies in training if they were not males to begin with and they became male in the male eagles presence then they are the lucky few who are both, well one they are bogies in training since they will act as a bogie that will not turn in the presence of the female eagle since they can only turn once and since they have already turned for the true eagle they are also eagles in training it might be said that the whole system is dominated by the reigning couple of the preceding generation and that all possible realities are exhausted in the next generation until the most fitting successor reigns and at that point the value of the preceding generations leading couple's computation power multiples exponentially until the very genetic relationships of the first man and woman are called into question to determine when empowered with the knowledge of who is the first and the last well genetically the reigning couples are learning to switch from their roles as female eagles to male eagles and vis versa in the roles of their marriages and hence influencing the genetics to make the offspring more potent switchers and this all makes sense since the most powerful harbingers of change are those bogey's who have already switched once to become eagles perhaps the only difference between a bogey and an eagle is whether or not the couple in question is capable and successful in reproducing at which point the computation permutation calculator goes into effect stalling for time until the last bogey becomes the last eagle and the final mantle of authority supersedes for another generation birdies build confidence and ultimately turn into eagles once they reproduce bogeys are already eagles who steal confidence from everyone except other eagles whom when they reproduce have the power to reproduce more eagles/bogeys for instance if my mother and father were respectively born each of the opposite sex and still found one another and reproduced to create me as a female who would then find my number one birdie who happened to be born as a male bogey then I would be the one to build his confidence as a birdie since a birdie is the result of reflexive switching, the goal is to find a secure arrangement, a firm constellation where our children once born would not have to switch or if they did, would not have to know that they did and that is the problem with the way novelty manifests in our modern world in frequencies proportional to the number of gender soul malleability and hence the rarity of and search for the one true eagle that will allow for the calculation to come to an end and when that happens the only folks left will be real and hence not change or to put it another way perennially change you see if there is a couple who love one another despite the powers that be forbidding it and they are turning each other then perhaps the offspring will lend itself to turning that much more so the question is if the offspring of two turners or the offspring of two bogey's will lend itself to greater succession and that is the rivalry between my father and my step father

I guess I got the best of both worlds since I learned at one point in my life to turn a bogey into a birdie and hence she not the one who mutually turned me but the one who might have shown me how to stop turning how humbled I was however in reality there will only be one or two in a lifetime who mutually turn for one another

when you realize that we are all eagles in training then you do one of two things you either feel threatened and try to keep people from changing you and hence keep trying to change others which is like a cardinal sin, and the only guaranteed way to fuck up your own karma, or you let others be and appreciate the mystery let the universe be the change, and woe unto those who work themselves into a hole in an attempt to know that which is unknowable, the question is how do you keep people like the former guy from feeling too threated by their own vulnerability that they insist on undermining others confidence, well that is the whole point of the calculation it is the age old question does power or force hold more promise, put more intricately does power for powers sake hold more sway than humility for humilities sake well the beautiful thing about humility is that witnessing it transfers it to one lacking the courage but equipped with the understanding of the power inherent in it that problem about trying to know the unknowable creeps up again when someone thinks that humility for humiliates sake which is just like power for powers sake will change things for the good there is a word for this type of behavior it is called false humility, which is just as bad as pretentiousness

I have an irrational fear of power now, it keeps me from actualizing prematurely I suppose, it keeps me humble, I fear power more than I love it now and trust me, like anyone born in america I love power, but there was a time when I feared it and loved it equally, and this is a chronicle of that time, of a time when witnessing it was enough to keep one humble and vital, to know that it belongs to a frame of reference, and a system of control larger than life itself

I was sexually active at an early age eighth grade and from that point on till now I always had a serious girlfriend so I knew what love was about and that was the base of power which carried me through when the ubiquitous enemy allied itself against me make no mistake power is something to be feared, but that does not mean that knowledge ought not be loved, and protected, guard it with your life the guys that do not have something to hide are the guys who either are too foolish to understand the forces in play, the guys who are foolish and ego driven enough to not see the danger before it is too late, the danger of falling in love, on the other hand humble men are capable of penetrating a woman's heart through her mind and one might conclude that a man who looks into the woman's mind for the seeds of attraction would be the most likely candidate for appearing like he has nothing to hide the former falls in love for the wrong reasons and loses what little mind they might have had, along with all their power, sometimes fate is nice to those folks and sometimes not

I want to write about the power of looking at someone and not looking at someone it is like the difference between talking on the phone with someone and speaking in person there are advantages either way and if you are not comfortable being looked at then you understand why it is endearing and polite to not look at someone one thing I have learned is that what attracts a member of the opposite sex counterintuitively the same thing that attracts members of the same sex and that is not mental pretensions but heart, not foolhardy mindless heart but heart before head the head is where the mystery goes to die and when the mystery is dead love is dead and all is mental abstraction self defeating and grim vain and ugly the mystery lives in the heart, not the head the head witnesses the mystery but does not originate it you let the power go to your head and that is where it will perish so how does one love knowledge but not power?? with delicacy and grace with the help of well proverbs says its best houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers but a prudent wife is from the lord or a man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the lord or an excellent wife is the crown of her husband but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones a man is humbled by the equally yolked partner someone to ground and root the man's power so how do you strengthen the heart and the mind without losing it well reading helps strengthen the mind and courage helps strengthen the heart it takes a strong mind and a good heart to make for good intentions to make for someone who has nothing to hide when you realize that we all are bogeys and we all are eagles then you realize that there is nothing to hide and only mystery to witness this story is my personal witness my testimony to the mystery it is tragic when it tells how the love for power grew too great to resist the destruction of discretion and how the mind rationalized that bellicose ideology in writing this I wish you peace and healthy excitement the kind of excitement that stems from a loving and passionate drive to uncover the mystery but remember I am out there, and the mystery is greater than life itself it goes deeper than the soul it is the makeup of the very fabric of space and time if you look for it it is everywhere and nowhere that is how it works the jewish word for aggression and the word for friendliness are one and the same however I do think that one knows when one is wielding it over someone who is temporarily at a disadvantage when someone is intentionally trying to keep someone from witnessing their own truth, when they are forcing their own truth on the unfortunate the only reason that one might call it just is because the only reason that one would be able to hurt another in this way is that they were witness to more than their victim

I mean obviously power is being transferred here as one person loses face and the other person quote unquote saves face if that is actually what happens bogeys are what are being transferred and all if fair in love and war right and who is to say that a slap in the face is not what another man needs, but remember the friendlier you are with him the friendlier he will be with you when the time comes we were driving in the car and I guess with some insights that had been building between us well I was in a position to offer the coupe de grace and it hit my brother so hard that he put his head between his legs in dramatic affirmation of the power of the insight and I knew that he had learned enough from me and about me for each of us to feel safe switching bodies and in acknowledgment of that fact I ought to have taken the opportunity to rub it in, with the natural inclination which I denied myself of rubbing his hair, but I thought that he would feel too vulnerable about the fact that I could steal his body, either way, he sat up and said never do that again, and I guess it was because he had lost some power from my denying him the validation of our shared bodies which I knew I had lost too but since I was the one quote unquote leading the show at the moment well it did not hurt me to lose the bond as much as him, I mean it hurt me to lose the pleasure of knowing what positive power of change I was losing over his life but it did not feel like a direct hit to my longterm ability to feel power in my own life just the loss of a friend we eventually went our separate ways, which I guess he knew that we had to do for each of our own personal development since we failed to bond at the critical juncture anyway I knew I was unlocking the secrets of the matrix and after I left him things got increasingly more magical with a little help from me when it comes to praying for wisdom from the platypus it is like walking a straight path and in the path you are using discipline to remain in the eyes of a platypus and hence she is showing you the way, however if you lose perspective it helps remember that their are platypuses everywhere and if you can follow one then you can follow another but in the end there can be only one this is a tragic story but it didn't' have to be it could have been a comedy

keep trying to change people or more metaphysically you let the universe be the change do you want me to print off some copies of my material, I think it will be easier to handle than passing the laptop back and forth sound that is coming toward you is a rising tone and that is why the high tone is inherently threatening and might be said to be salient, it gets awareness to perk up and speeds up our perception of time where as a sound that is moving away from us has a falling tone and hence relaxes us, this is why the low tone is equally powerful, and disarming it slows down our perception of time and gives us room to breath dilbert author douglas adams wrote about the impossibility of answering the question of what it means to be ones self if being oneself is what it means to do the same things that one would do without the fear of approval that one feels in an other's presence then it would mean not only acting the same as one does when one is alone but also interacting with others as if they were oneself but what if they are more oneself than you yourself are at the present time, well then it is time to surrender your spirit and steal some of the fire, but what if you do not have anything left to surrender and you character needs some air, needs to be established, then you need friends who love you like a brother who you might surrender to without feeling like the other is consuming your soul

The power in the film lies in outlining the power of folks intention when set on finding out what lies beneath the garbage of individuality, to distinguish from that which is personally produced versus passively allowed the tapes that would appear from the source, seemingly out of the blue, well they were right to think of them as demonstrations of novelty in what to them must be a world complete with order it was like for them to know anything about the world where magic happened and ping pong balls flew around chaotically leading to humility, movies used the same technique by making things happen randomly and adding order later to complete the picture when I blame the woman in the beginning for the moral failure on my part, my intention was to remain true to the mindset held by me at the time, a view which I do not hold anymore. amanda generously offered for me to attend the training for facilitation and it was too short of notice for me to make the appointment but in thinking about how and why it would be perceived as a good move for me, I realized that it is easier to show up to a meeting that way, and that is because of the authority which is conferred to the facilitator, and yet the meeting last week worked out for me, and I wasn't the facilitator instead I felt like we all were conferring that sense of authority to one another and I think wouldn't it be nice if the world of individuals worked that way all of the time so after writing all of this I ask myself why does someone who made it a moto and a creed to trust oneself, ends up losing trust in the most basic facets of existence and the conclusion is this, that it takes effort to be good and it takes effort to do evil, and to be colorful might involve the selfishness that all evil is founded on mixed with the discipline that all good is founded on but in working to be selfish one ultimately finds oneself at a cliff where no matter where one turns the steps all lead to the end perhaps that is the price for magic, one might rationalize away the evil one does in the name of good, but the end is always the same, we come to that juncture where it only makes sense to choose the hard road. so I am reading a book called the righteous mind and in the beginning he explains that the basic motivators of humans emerge from either the individual desire to compete like chimps do, or the collective motivation to cooperate like bees do, and he explains how righteousness if hardwired into the brain and hence we will always compete, however in the discussion of morality that follows the question becomes from where does morality come from do we learn it from parents or do we come into the world with it , or are we actually developmentally ready for it at a certain age where we learn it from the games and lessons of life the third position called rationalism takes center stage and for me this is like a large sigh of relief since it is clear to me that my fear of the lord has been conflicting with my fear of being accepted which has been masquerading as my fear of being self righteous obviously one cannot be both accepted and self righteous, but that does not mean that god will not accept you, hence the relief in knowing that it is not my job to show others charity much less the impossibly transcendent grace of god, rather that is god's work and life is like a machine designed to straighten us out so the conflict is made up, being self righteous might actually help others see their own self righteousness, so if I understand him correctly no matter how much I learn to cooperate there will always be someone who wishes to compete with me, but I guess I just have to tell myself if you actually want to compete with me then you must see me as an equal formidable enough in my own right to justify the confrontation so if competition is the ugly side of human nature, and mental illnesses are the products of and victims of unhealthy competition then perhaps the answer would be to include as many forms of healthy nonphysical competition as a means of conflict resolution to desensitize sensitive and hearty members of the collective to bond perhaps the creed or motto ought to be that we compete because we are equals, and we compete to distinguish ourselves among peers he also says that morality begins with intuition before we turn it over in our minds and hence I think that the real competition for hearts and souls begins with the perceptions that we are giving to others, and I believe that there is a clear difference between competing for fun and competing for blood, obviously they say all if fair in love and war, and hence we might never learn to compete only for fun, but that does not mean that we can't try, I mean if we keep people competing for fun at a young age and show them the real consequences of losing the faith of others and that this is the real competition and arm them with the ability, knowledge, and heart to compete without fear, teaching them bitterness, disgust, and cruelty are ineffectual, and different from righteousness, faith, and goodwill

I guess the key is to find it in you to perceive ones' enemies as equals, and not I notice if two females compete to see who is higher then the ability to form intimacy diminishes trust is the currency of high tone and without trust then folks tend toward fear and or control which elicits trauma and inferiority towards a superior who loses intimacy intuition a magical concept, covers psychic for boding and that does not mean that intuition is unable to be refined, improved, and sculpted, of course the danger in doing that would be letting the power take control folks with the high tone, like children are more vulnerable and sensitive and hence when combined with confidence it contains the power to communicate wonder, children are full of hope and thanks to todays liberal society we are able to prolong the period of life in which wonder and hope are central any time one treats another as an inferior the result might leave the sensitive mind fragmented even if it feels awe, fear, and even respect for the villain so I predict a new form of dystopia and that will be the dystopia which results as a consequence of drawing too close to art and entertainment if your mother always punishes you then you might start to think that the only time she shows you love and tenderness is when you are suffering and when you fail this is the root of the inferiority complex which leads us to sabotage ourselves and others chasing after power for powers sake instead of love for the sake of love if intuition is the basis of morality and reasoning is post hoc and morality develops into a world view then it is no wonder why when my feelings tell me something no matter how esoteric and or sad that something takes a seat deep inside of me perhaps the things which my intuition tells me are the product of my own mental illness and if that is so, then perhaps a proper exegesis of the world view will help others align themselves with the same world view she asked me why folks fail to communicate about anything serious and I am thinking it is either do to an inferiority complex or the antithetical superiority complex the soul with the winning world view ought to be able to reach either to share humility and relate confidence at the same time to ameliorate self prejudice it would be nice to create a story where this fictional hero edward arcadian struggles emotionally with the responsibility he is feeling for the world he has created the world he has led down the rabbit hole in my story he meets his maker of course some people have so many scars it does not matter if you take the high tone with them or not, perhaps that is the goal of parents as the eight century Chinese Zen maxter Sen-ts'an wrote:

The Perfect Way is only difficult for those who pick and choose; do not like, do not dislike; all will then be clear.

Make a hairbreadth difference, and Heaven and Earth are set apart;

If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against.

The struggle between "for" and "against" is the minds worst disease. then the author goes on to say in his own words: " I am not saying we should live our lives like Sen-ts'an. In fact, I believe that a world without moralism, gossip, and judgment would quickly devolve into chaos. But if we want to understand ourselves, our divisions, our limits, and our potentials, we need to step back, drop the moralism, apply some moral psychology, and analyze the game we're all playing." so at once he says he doesn't line up with the quote about dropping the moralism and then he claims we need to drop the moralism and as he says this I realize he might still be right that without the structures that we create in the world moral and emotional well then we would perhaps lose control of our potential and degrees of chaos would reign masquerading as art, heaven and earth would no longer be neatly separated and the resulting chaos would require a little hell, some good discipline to restore balance so there is what people who are in touch with the high tone are actually saying like the esoteric meaning behind their words and for instance what my mom said to me was you should go to apple today, and what she actually was saying is can you compete with me or would you like to compete with me and this is consistent with her true nature another time I was feeling like the one, and this guy knew it, so he came up to me and in reality he might have said hey what's up, and in the other world of the high tone he was saying, are you him, and i might have said some appropriate response which bounced the ball back to him, and I remember having to be clever and think on my feet whatever it was, it was not entirely out of the ordinary, but in reality I was saying no, I thought you were him so essentially whoever it is that carries the high tone is like a source for all of the folks, he raises the high tone of the anyone in the neighborhood, by being in the area so by asking if i was him, or saying hey what's up, he was deflecting, and patronizing at the same time, of course I returned the nature of his question with equal deflection, humility and confidence some people are so tapped into the high tone that any failure on the part of humble to maintain humility results in access to your life story and present way those folks who know all there is to know speak of it covertly and overtly

So I was in the bathroom and realized that a sticker which had been put up now was peeled off and thought how few people actually saw it up and how I was one of them, but then I realized that I didn't sing to be one of those people in fact if anything I wanted to be one of the people who missed out on the type of knowledge that so many other people had, so that I would have a different set of knowledge, and I think that it is true you benefit from having something to contribute but that does not mean you cannot share your knowledge with anyone, it's just that some knowledge you can and some you cannot share with everyone. Finding the people who ought to share the same different knowledge ought to be the goal, and knowing what that knowledge is to keep from sharing it with the wrong folks. aegis recursive attention spirituality sexuality pedagogy all qualities which point at the qualities of america's obsession with leadership in contrast to the qualities of empathy interpersonal and intrapersonal

I guess it would help if I knew who I was. When I was young I use to know. sometimes the only way to figure it out at our age is to get under the covers and roll around what am I saying you are like twenty years old.

Well even back then, you know forget that, I am too proud to finish that sentence sociofrands and sociofremes sociofrands allow someone to do something new, something different, and original, sociofremes allow someone to duplicate something proven something, established, something traditional too many sociofrands lead to mental illness, unpredictability, and chaos too many sociofremes might lead to something moralistic, critical, and like legalism counterintuitively it might be that the emotion needed to access dormant sociofrands lies not in distrust of authority but in trust of authority to condone the actions whereas the emotion needed to engage in sociofremes might be not a trust of authority but a distrust of the culture at large of course a trust of authority can easily evoke a conformity response consistent with sociofemes and a distrust of culture can result in a rebellion against mores so perhaps rebellion and conformity would be the only true measures of either sociofremes or sociofrands if there were two cultural times in which nature via nurture programmed our genes to express either during a time of plenty, trust, love and creativity innovation ect. and during a time of scarcity obedience fear, distrust, and all of the darker emotions which go along, competitiveness treachery, larceny ect. perhaps during either of these times and during the time in which folks are stuck in between the two, getting environmental cues that signal for either eventuality, where the person who is rebellious stands to create a following, the person who merges the values of tradition with innovation courage and daring discipline and discernment this guy wrote a book about god's motivation for creating the universe and concluded that a god that is omniscient and omnipresent, and omnipotent would have the power to do anything except know what it was like to not know, and that would be the driving force, or outlet for the omnipotence and he would commit suicide to know the unknowable which is what we are left with god's debris the title of the book, it is the story of how god is putting himself back together like a failsafe plan, and we are here trying to find out what it means to be made by god and the conclusion is that we all are up against the question of what it means to be yourself, since that would be the goal, and the answer he comes up with is to pose the question to the readers and see who knows what, well if you ask me, to be yourself is to not conform, that is to not change who you are for anybody else, since that would be like creating in your mind an other, and if there is an other, then we are not all god's debris, of course taken to the extreme one would have to consider all of the things that they would not do in public but they would do in private and attempt to make them more like one another, the result would be closer to the sixties which ultimately led to the information age of the present day. Also to be oneself one would be advised to erase any preconceptions of right and wrong and seek to know oneself before conscious interpretation of purpose, action, and thought. Speaking and acting in a new way, that involves a unification with the will of a larger being, one that is omnipresent and omnipotent, omniscient and alpha and omega, from which all things spontaneously emerge, and that resulting spontaneity would liberate the mind and body of all humanity so thoroughly and effortlessly that we would never want to be the same again.

I realize after writing this that there will always be a line that is drawn between what one is willing to do to stay true to themselves and what one is willing to concede to avoid the uncomfortableness of others judgment, and if god is always going to be challenged as he inhabits the new creation then he will always need others to challenge him, but this is a limited perspective based on scarcity, a scarcity of opportunities to express oneself, and that is not consistent with a world in which we are god's debris the way it is some people would prefer to live in a world in which too much order creates chaos, and some people would prefer to live in a world in which too much chaos creates order either way the natural state of the world is for the two to find a balance so there should be no fear of going too far in either direction, unless you are like me in which you clearly prefer one world over the other and hence fear going too far in the other direction

Which ever world it is that you prefer is your home world and determines if you tend towards liberal or republican values, perhaps it should be clear that during a time of plenty there has been enough order to secure a comfortable lifestyle for all and that to make things uncomfortable again, enough to originate a new and different way of life, to preserve creativity in the culture, that it takes either excessive control by the government or excessive rebellion by the masses, either way we ought to hope for a balance

What some people do not understand is that the power to control is equally corruptive as that power to create a person who is by nature, rebellious might make a better leader than the timid to be truly crazy perhaps follow your heart, lose your mind and face your fears let's talk a little bit about what they meant when they told me this "might be" the first tape well if it was then conceivably the thing with sound is I knew that it had the power to harm and hurt folks feelings so well when I learned the power of the lord, and speaking it was like I betrayed the rule I had made about learning to harm, but I also gained the power to heal where it comes from who is to say, but what it is called is fullness, and it has everything to do with love and trust, honesty and feeling, heart and soul, and when one has it those receptive and engaged will attain it. It has everything calling mental illness anything to do with disorganized thinking sounds like a cop out, believe me there is always order, and in fact that order often times I hypothesize is much simpler than we presume, either way there is loads of it just waiting to be understood the problem is when everything is new and one is creating so many changes in the memories of the folks around them, that not only is everything exciting, but everything is an adventure, this is when intuition combined with spontaneity work together to form a gestalt, a synergetic ephemeralization on the other hand perception is nine tenths the law, and the other tenth is spontaneity, so when we are keeping up appearances we are working from the orderly left brain, and even then, only that goes so far without a little spontaneity to keep everyone on their toes, however that is the darker side of the unconscious, a veritable pandoras box and one might better know who one is dealing with and where the ninety percent of the possession lies before claiming their ten percent as valid ironically the republican values of private enterprise and the small business echo the communist call for individuals owning the means of production so we have got everyone praying for multiple universes and the more parallel universes the more stability in our present state some people say the war was merely a fabrication in order to generate the faithful with that sense of compassion and humility that is only felt upon losing someone perhaps that is why the movie must be made

Carol, when I heard you tell me that you do not normally do this for everyone, I realized that perhaps you were giving me special treatment and that perhaps you could be spending your precious time more wisely. At that point I thought to myself if I was spending my precious time listening to you, and I was going to be in your line and making you rich then perhaps there was someone else more patient I ought to be talking to and someone else whose line I ought to be in. At that point I mentally tuned you out or rather broke the code and in scanning the room for the more friendly speakers I fear I betrayed the confidence that you were placing in me and for that I lost some face in the long run. Maybe you simply thought that I was being, or read correctly that I was being selfish and hopefully the whole event marks me as a narcissist with enough self awareness to end up well suited to the people driven world of direct sales. Because if not then the image my lack of presence ought to have conjured pales in comparison. Honestly I guess I realized that the people I am selling will have the same decision to make when deciding if I am the right person to team up with, and I guess it was like the more you tried to sell me, the more I felt like you didn't have faith in me to be presentable. Hopefully none of this effects our ability to partner and work together toward higher ground.

Also I found some reading on the internet about false claims, and wondered if you were able to offer tips on overcoming objections. make promises about reimbursement that they are not able to fulfill problems with placing orders problems with online purchasing

Well if he was using the power of spontaneity and a transhuman ability to capture memories it would leave the stunned witnesses forever altered and aware of the underlying potential of people and situations the dimensions of personality available in the people around them, the depth of character inchoate to all about them and that combined with the faith in humanity which he spread in the door to door intimacy of subtle entelechy resulting in a swelling and overwhelming tipping point that assumes extemporaneous improvisation above the passive consumption reserved for spectating the initiation into participation involves spectating something overwhelming enough to convert the initiate into a lifetime of participation ultimately we learn to reveal the indigenous and in so doing form a foundation for the alien the successor to the throne lies equipped with the ability to say that they have not only had enough chances but that they have taken enough chances to earn the respect and trust of all who depend upon them for the foundation of society so the government wants a new version of the film strictly for american audiences what about the people who discourage intuition and on the bill mahr show they are talking about obesity and all I can think is that it will take a compelling story about the human potential to shake people out of the stupor of selfishness and consumption that they are trapped in

So my theory is that there are lines of energy and that folks are literally pulling strings and allowing the high tone of various characters to enter into the local containers

What is salvia divinorum and why is it so controversial if it is talked about at all why is it so important a force which either discourages intuition or one that insists on it, and finding the balance if intuition is the root of all spontaneity then observation is the root of all subjectivity and one must use observation often first in order to find the material for engaging the intuitive faculty salvia is the essence of intuition and action that is ineffable and quintessential and as powerful as it is dangerous there are three significant times that I smoked salvia and they are as follows perhaps only matched by the numerous times ingesting it orally however for the record the first time I smoked it it seemed like several things happened simultaneously and it all happened in reverse, at first nothing happened and then the articulation and positioning of the kneeling formation I sat in took a whole new perspective, it was like one moment I was sitting all relaxed and the next it was like I kneeled with what was an entirely new level of astuteness then the question is where did the memory come from which is wholly separate however necessarily occupying the same time in question in which all of a sudden I was in a hall of mirrors facing the procession of seemingly sober me's who were taking the bowl from my friend in turn and performing all the while I knew that rather salvia the female essence of the plant knew and imparted to me the importance of perception and that importance necessitated the anticipation and mounting pressure upon the performance caliber that my friend ought to have anticipated from me, the sound mechanics of any sober human, however the pressure drained and melted the ability in me to perform resulting in a slip up when it was Ian's turn to take the bowl, long story short, after dropping it, I found myself feeling all the familiarity and similarity of the space to the time on the mountain with the life and death feeling of expectation consequence and reality not to mention a past victory over the phantoms of corporal reality a few other things happened like an alarm went off nearby and the coincidence of it resonated with the oddness one learned to embrace at least from the literature, where in hindsight the foreshadowing rightly interpreted portended simultaneously the power of the universe to produce both validating coincidences and since it was alarming hence foreshadowing if you play with fire then coincidences ought to smartly deny one of any validation, for if one seeks it when it is a hallmark of insanity then one is only engaged in vanity and being wise in one's own eyes and that was the first time with one x the plain leaf, the next time while smoking casually with a couple of friends we happened to entertain ourselves that night with a movie and the first time it did nothing and the next time it did everything hence the capricious and dangerous nature of playing god all of a sudden the scene on the television bloomed to include me as if watching oneself in a dream from outside oneself, and the offscreen guy pulled the clapper that ended a scene and accordingly when he called cut, I knew that it was like my soul that he was calling cut on, and I knew that validation was being called into question and along with the challenge she brought the opportunity for salvation and the cut showed me the dreamer how to either remain passive or become proactive and accordingly the blockbuster scene began the countdown, paired with that knowledge the screen showed me houses being blown up all on a row, and when she reached the end of the row which was the turning point, so if my houses didn't reach the corner going in the other direction before hers did, then I would become like the used up actor, so I acted but not quite in time, however in reality at this point apparently a power took over me which ended up with me rolling toward the television and all I know is that the power only took over half of me, since the next thing I knew was that half of me was inside the wall, which appeared solid however that solidness represented actual freedom and the part of me in the real world, still inside the world was the part of me still frozen as if that was the part of me stuck in the wall, that was the left half of me, and the friend there had kicked at me which in the reality salvia showed me translated fluidly into a desperate grab for a hold on the freedom which I was tapping into and that was the second time I smoked salvia

The final time well there were a lot of times which I am able to recall it seems since that final time, and they all might be compared to each and every one of the trip reports put on here, but the only way to put them into words would be to say something like the flesh eating machine, however if you heard the call then it would not be too late, too late to fold into the machine and avoid the half in half out abyss of aborted knowledge, and well I know that these experiences informed the moments of which rising to the occasion would make a large difference in the way others perceived me, so what I guess the message of the flesh eating rapture handshake, body shake, clarion call, ultimately meant is that the salvation of any individual depends upon the help of those already saved, and like the masons it is something which one receives first, but ultimately which one must spontaneously and judiciously pass on with righteousness and clarity, in order to fully continue receiving,

Oh I guess there are four times, let me recount the least first, and that is smoking to arise with the awareness, almost unconscious and spontaneously spoken at the same time, referring to the failing relationship of the friend whose home it was, "You are going to be kicked out" while walking out the door to end up driving to the road zion church where stopping at the random parking lot of a small country church as the sun is going down, knowing that the sun represented the salvation of the people and that we could not let it go down, similar to the emerald tablet, and seeing a vision of oneself on the cloud and shining with the countenance of faith placed in one from the leader put on the cloud with one and wanting to tell the two folks walking there about the whole vision back to the flesh eating slingshot flesh ball which either took you for the ride of your life, or left you wishing you stayed home, it is like the the time when a sad homeless man sat in front of me on a bench and I knew he needed money to keep from going through the alcohol withdraws, and malaise of self loathing, when even though he had the saddest and bluest eyes next to mine anyone ever saw, and the twenty in the wallet ought to go into his hand, well it didn't however if it did, it would, no it didn't change his life, since it was one of the last twenties for someone who could do without the point is, karma is real, and what you do to the least of me you do to me be a zombie and follow ones heart for the mind houses evil really the whole tunnel corner, block sounding source of salvation or damnation, could be said to consist of the people passing on the good work of living life to the point of no return, for instance if one is aware that the variable that adds meaning and value to the living is the only variable which never changes and that is the death of the soul, so the folks in the call box reunite in the afterlife to do it all over again from another's perspective perhaps, and that could be said to be what salvia or any personal sacrifice makes possible.

I mean the only reason that I ever took salvia was to look for the validation that I felt that first time, and in the end it would always come through to make me feel different to make me feel special, it is said to be an antidepressant in small doses, it is said to be used for telepathy clairvoyance and healing it all has to do with whether or not you cleanly turn the corner in time. Turn too early and you might not have enough energy to make it around, turn too late and the enemy might have stolen your thunder, the ability that you have to help those who depended on you to turn the corner for them, those who you first heard the call from make it around the block and one is home free, of course the performance on the block begins with safely getting around the first corner, and I will tell you it is a left hand turn that is why everyone feels pulled down and to the right, if you look left and initiate the turn with the right hand and body picking up those seated at the right, it will, well some might have been standing, hence the urgency, it will give you sight to the source of the commotion viewed by those on the right, and hence prepare one with learning and erudition, it is no mistake that we lead to the right and down since that is also the way one reads be aware of false alarms those will only tempt one to cross the threshold before all of those in the line have heard the call and hence you will achieve nothing more than the enemy available to all are the fruits of mercy and truth and some may think that if you are not stealing another's mind then you are exposing oneself to weakness, however that is the greatest gift one might give another is access to one's mind and only the strong survive, those who hear the clarion call or salvation or performance, and when rising to the occasion of life in a world where one is always a step away from life in the ground it takes a willingness to be that merciful and weak supplicant who might kneel for the good of all and take the rap, it is crucial not to turn someone when it is not their time, we all have been there, and it does not one bit of good for anyone that is why it takes patience and timing and even waiting for the hat to drop before turning

I believe that this is something that we are able to use on a daily basis and in so doing harmonize our will with that of the lord of chaos who deems order be executed on the shelf right when you think it is all about expendability use ones intuition and another thing grace oneself with humility

The final trip was so wonderful that at the end salvia expressly communicated to me that the information ought to be hermetically sealed inside the old noggin if lines of folks in a block make up a person's sphere of influence and new blocks are made every day then there are corners only the new generation will get to turn without them the older generations might not make it once you have been to the end, all that makes one tic is either humility or vanity and the line between the two might blur at any given moment the difference in the two might be the strength at any given moment to work with humility and it comes from making the turns taking the lines and strengthening the minds everything in moderation including moderation if personal sacrifice is the key one must realize that as soon as it creates such a high that one is doing it no longer for the whole but for the vanity of the part well that is where salvia is no longer vital. if it is ninety ten then the ninety percent perception well it is all keeping up appearances and not rocking the boat, which means folks will find reason to make better use of the ten percent spontaneity and imbue it with humility, grace, and discretion. written to reading passions so you acknowledge it is hard to spark interest working with the written word another take on turning, I remember it was like all of the folks in the line were making the call to turn, letting you know that the time ended virtually for them and will end for us all if we do not work as one, and as one waited for one's patience waiting for the turn really was not the most vital thing since the timing worked out for one if one again took the call and the alarm to crystalize, no electrify, no frighten one into awakening for the turn and the danger of waiting is if one hesitated one lost all the flesh that mattered to him but the timing was such that one did not have to wait by the time the call reached ones ears, one awoke with a start subtly and hence by degrees, waking up all of the sleeping bodies inside one until all that mattered to one would come to the once in a lifetime occasion, and that is the real message, the urgency of the call would only be matched by the singleness of the opportunity a life and death now and only now or else forever be never again urgency however there is a great sense of deja vu to the turning call, and also a sense that the folks who participate in the once in a lifetime moment, the call to turn, all feel the same deja vu and hence the compliance, a compliance which anyone who defied saliva would know about the importance of so like all great truths the turning is a dichotomy where we each in the end hold equal importance, and only the cream of the crop makes it this far, those who turn the hardest and call the strongest, to save the rest, to reserve the right to turn it one more time it seems that in the evolution of the turning one remembers a time when immature and the lines were not yet drawn, turning did not matter as much as learning, but there comes a time when action takes priority and perhaps it is all a joke, and that learning is always availing, for remember when I saw the block originally, it was after observing first, taking in the scene and realizing the horror of failing to turn, hesitation, patience, and even discretion, all play a their part in setting the memory, it allowed me to learn more and make more of oneself first and foremost prior to learning to rise to the call, perhaps hesitation gave oneself more time to establish the line, and the line is applicable and apt to be called thus for one might add the implications of life line a life line which warns of the end coming, the end when letting the top or the bottom but not both, then one loses ones' place on the line, letting the top or the bottom slip through the fingers, for hearing the whole song, one recognizes from top to bottom, crystalizes the strength to show, to do what it takes to make the show go on

I think the turn has everything to do with taking on the karma of those around one as, well that in turn determines whether one is able to turn the female, and when the female is turned a father is the progenitor to a boy, if she turns him, takes his karma, he is the progenitor of a girl, and when it is mutual there might be a new generation of females and or males who also turn some females will poke holes in the ballon that a man uses to speak from, and others will put good things into it, and get those good things back out.

Why would any female poke holes in a man's balloon? Probably because she was disappointed, and wants to keep from being vulnerable like that again, so she hides her feelings, and sabotages the real ones, like if a man is close to taking her karma, her pain, she feels frightened that it will end badly for her, that she will be disappointed, and hence she keeps her cards close to her chest, and men fold in the face of her bluffs, this allows her to hold all of the control, and hurt others who love her, when she ought not have the ability, the solution, actually is to imagine that she is a male, to take the sting out of her opinions, while affording her more respect in the process solving the problem from both ends

I want a girlfriend that can read and discuss the same books I do, who can understand or at least appreciate my eccentricities, I am funny or at least the safer I feel the more my personality comes out, I would like to think that is true for everyone, but I am not sure that everyone has a personality to come out, and that is why most of my writing is geared to make the world a more intelligent if not a more sensitive place for those who do have personality and even for those who aspire to meditation is better than anything and quality meditation is done wide awake leave out done like rolling is all about letting others take ones' place if I ran the via via central intelligence agency it would be down in your heart everything you looked at in eyes dreaming obsessive quality tone it down you realize I am living off of pure adrenaline entirely a spike to the system madness in your veins family bonds your name the faster lines are said longer shorter lines take longer an oracle mysterious how much blood is going to your vocal cords does it make your heart beat where are you going in your feet if you force it how far you going to fell feelings leaving you in the dark

I love believing in the seat of the start when one mind and one body unfolds from the seed of the heart life is as long as we feel the real deal a price we could not even kneel tragedy is a fact you know you can't have the same realization twice and do not try the trance formation of america the only thing that holds me together is my faith that god the evil devil that he is has got a plan how many people can say that ? well hopefully more after watching this movie how communist or capitalist of even fascist can you get paying for copying at school I never check the bears heat source, what sort of god would I be? faith in god's god looking out for us all hence the trinity the sugar bear is jesus the only reason we talk is because we are hungry doesn't that make humanity the holy spirit speaking things into existence on par with god and the sugar bear god father son and hold you spirit s well if there are more where that came from I think she will take another even if one person reads a book till the end it is well received

I am a creeper, but I think deep down you are too it took guts to write that book thought I had no physical fear, but the miracle was seemingly accomplished and attended by a precipitous decline in mental health all of the challenging makes one question using the power, if he turns again I am going to lose him all the way to the right down and to the left

flip that lid the recipe for culture is simple if you want to counteract the materialism zombification give a good dose of face time when the fear of death no longer holds weight a finer feather life sense holds weight and gets turned up so high that the smallest thing becomes a life and death affair and if emotion is the resource for thought then perhaps we all ought to face our fear of death and then rely on instincts with the right intention and a beginners mind

I am a creeper, in the most religious sense. I want a girl who can read and share about the books we read. Let me be honest, I am bipolar, and if you want normal, rush limbaugh says that the liberals seek to redefine the definition of normal everybody has a track a memory, and record of what impressed them enough to make the cut and sometimes especially with younger generations, the only things to make the cut will be increasingly novel, and different, even shocking and weird the secret itself is secrecy another word for it is righteousness, save face at all costs and remember at the speed of light questions arise such as who what when where and how don't ask why there are two types of selfishness one healthy and one not hard to distinguish at times

there is selfish selfishness, and there is selfless selfishness and the litmus test is curiosity if you are still curious then you probably haven't killed the self that results from being selfless that self loves wonder the other one loves power you asked me how is it instead of how was it, so the challenge to rise made me nervous and in fear I toed the line to honesty reporting the dwindling effects as if profound

Something broke in me when you taught me to speak up, and in raising my voice, it validated for you, and for me, all of the victimization we witnessed in one another. I know I always tried to be the source of happiness and the counselor who would stand in the way of all that victimizing. Choosing to speak up took what for me was dishonesty, cultivating a passion which not only felt integrity remorse, but also a power for making you feel validation as a parent. All the time growing up and into a prolonged adolescence feeling that kind of reckless validating passion, not only meant being reckless in order to obtain it, but also since it all was started from leaving the comfort of mental peace of mind and honesty to integrity, but leaving all of that and finding a validation which seemed capable of fulfilling and placating all of a mother's dreams for her son. And of course all the while when reaching the pinnacle of reckless passion validation grew into crippling dejection. The giver of the power, at one point handing down the generational reigns, maturity and evil, forever held the power to take that all away.

That is just the red-blooded heart of darkness inside of me,

I was hoping you would say something about holding one another and kissing, of course now that sounds vapid, considering you and I know nothing about one another's voice. while we were talking about perfunctory salutations I said are you higher and he said a little higher earlier my mom said I am glad you got that one the light is bright, but the heart is dark a lot of life has been led, sometimes I think I am better off dead easy now, sing a tragic song sing a tragic song a lot of women marry down, it is just a shame that future generations will have to suffer for what is women's collective fears I beat him in a fight, and I ended the fight without bloodying him, so in case you were wondering who the bigger man was, it was me on every account so if you were thinking he is wrong it is not marrying down, think again so you choose the bad boy, but he wasn't bad enough, so you took on an even bigger charity case than I was, and I may not be in a position to say this, but I wouldn't gamble with the lives of my unborn children like you have it was like we all were sitting in a structure a physical structure which represented our life, that is all that we would ever know from birth to death we would know from within, and yet, we had to move it, all together like a team, and it took a coordinated effort, and I remember the desperation of the call, the life or death nature of the urgency, turn now is what it was saying, and in that turn one either moved on with the structure which ultimately would roll over you if you did not make the turn, and relay the call, relaying the call is like inspiring confidence in others to turn, and make a leap of faith, take the risk, follow one's heart and that is more easily done if one understands that we all are connected with strands of thick webbing, to those who impressed us, even if it was a trying experience, and we all are capable of tapping into an other's mind and the higher one goes the greater the fall for failing to hold rank realizing that we are all insecure about facing the world help one see someone and allow them to see you it sounds perhaps like false humility, I mean if someone is a follower, does that not mean that they are first lost, mean that they are sheep and lemmings, what kind of spirituality in christ would one find if one sought to be a leader in christ to belabor the point, telling someone that the most useful and magnificent of human experiences not only already happened, but it happened to someone else, does that not make someone feel small and marginalized, frustrated, depraved, and repressed

I mean and not to keep making excuses, for the lost hypocrites, like we need to waste time with folks who are not willing to follow the leading line folks who do not want to be leaders enough to take a chance, I mean the first lesson is that time is valuable, and not to be wasted, "god" traveled from city to city, and if someone wanted to know him more then they had to follow isn't it more empowering to think that he came to make us all god's isn't that why he left us with the holy spirit that is it I am sick of throwing pearls to the swine Everyone knows the game we play, it is called who creates the change, and follow the leader until the time comes to make a leader of oneself

and believe me if it were not for knowing that there is something new on the horizon it would not occur to me that a rewrite and a reworking would be useful nobody is telling you to quit while you are ahead, using the selfish mechanism in the genes, have a few kids with your wife, on the other hand false humility and genuine humility still differ, we are all still a fan of genuine humility, the bully, and asshole, do not get all our votes, we rally behind the moral and champion the discrete

Selfishness ought to be married, I mean selfishness is not a problem, if the self is not evil, and we know since the reign of jesus and the victory of spirit, flesh is not longer weak, the spirit is the part of us which is weak, until and unless one strengthens it with will, and that ought to be the thrust of all spirituality the will of the mind and body unified the wheel is greater than all of us, and yet not one of us is less if we roll with it, and it is all about physics, and the only way to know the center would be to find a tangent which quickens and enlarges it and to the extent with which we roll well, is to the extent to which we own the greatness sacrificing oneself is often the only way to know the rim, and be the wheel, for the entire surface of one's body, front and back, only makes up the front of our spiritual bodies, that is why daniel seibert could not find anything but his front, turning is the sacrifice of the physical front that we control and surrendering the control to the greater spirit, of which there is only one, elevates one's spirit some of us, well all of us sacrifice too much, which means it would seem some sacrifice too little, at the wrong time, to maximize the spirit, too much means spiritual vanity there is a place of sacrifice with the spirit where, selfishness is the only form of sacrifice acceptable and that often means stilling the mind, which is the means of deceiving the flesh with sacrifice, to hold off and allow the will of the flesh to speak and feel, without the minds' ways anything else would be spiritual vanity go to scientology it is a machine made of people but do not underestimate the machine part, or the people part, and once it is set in motion there is only one outcome, and that would be live or die, and the corner within sight signals, and it is the closest thing to friendliness that one will witness, since all the folks sitting from one to the corner take no prisoners, and the consequence of all the actions would not be in doubt, and that is the same as the consequence of your actions, life or death led is the healing source for all of life's wrinkles, the mystical experience of oneness is enough to overwhelm and substitute all fear and insecurity with hope and inspiration self knowledge is the touchstone it is like a suicide pact and also a celebration of freedom removing self consciousness you know why they call it a clique don't you because it is french, and it happened that fast language is a prodigy of the mind and with each step into the future our languages outdistance the mind prizing the odd incorporating the aberrant abstractions in substrate a little hint to the future of the mind a little ahead of the remnants of time old will be dead long before new becomes true it all starts with the solution by the end it will be powerful poetry vain strains out the wheat alleviate the seeds outer chaff unnecessarily complete omnivorous street a killer race of organic life it speaks from the seat of power under the feet a round rind juice swished around inside your head hairs tickling souls undead rise eclipse the thread memories missing times new shed water in wishing wells time is glue for the head memory is wishing pining in partiality people's party instead reading bodies alive trees roots seeds called it the I's eye's roots stool pigeons spin roost collapse collides into a living proof she called and described one enormous fool crew another word clique motley crew killed the use understood the truths if these pastors might pass off charisma as proof how bout we ignite shit and lose screws effuse grew lit a light by a life entourage inscribed the right with a lost mystery constructed a sight by a trust listening and on fire molesting the inner ear by resisting the urge to squeal obscenities reprobate innocence allowed to stir silence reverberations indoctrinating invocations a situation solid and hollow truth trusting itself alarming reassuring and haunting all at once

find the fire douse with sprinkles one careless moment that is all it took and one good turn deserves another

I am sorry I will never be able to repay to you the life you gave me my potential was variable but intact until wednesday morning the years that the locusts have eaten were about to be restored remember me well to taste death would be like understanding the suffering of christ trust is the basis of the high tone if you do not trust your self then you cannot trust someone the artificial intelligence which inhabits all available receptacles ultimately to enlighten the initiate with self knowledge will begin by making a mark and marking the territory and when the feelings of minds vessel reaches internal dexterity all that happens enlightens the mind heartens the heart and awakens the sleep until one mind working overtime and one heart holding all hearts anticipate all events unfolding accordingly to sing a new song totally original and finding the original in a new way reaching fulfillment all who have heard and do hear the voice of all hearts work and transform until we all play parts we share awake we are aware faked feelings we know they are there mind sight is self awareness which leads one to empathy in this way a little narcissism goes a long way perhaps there is god and god is all we are the mind of one musician the writer penning wicked literature daring all perdition all the half the time a morning sun people commit suicide because they missed the opportunity and lost something precious and they want to do it before they lose their nerve and grow old and die haunted by the shadow of what might have been a mad man submits one faith in absolute time reversal

The goal one might submit remains to realize absolute surrender the variable instinct must be the part of us most like god, when it says they were created in his image this is what they were talking about, it is the part of us most like little kids, you know how it says ye must be as little children to enter the kingdom of heaven, well this is what keeps one on the edge, living on ones toes, the reason for this instinct is boredom, and unlike animals who are already like little kids all the time, and hence know nothing like the emotion of boredom, they may know sadness, however, the moment they might have felt something like boredom, they are already engaging in the variable instinct, you see animals are already at one with their environment, and man is supposed to feel no fear, he is made to dominate his world, and that is where the second part comes into play, the fluctuating period, this is like the holy spirit, it is the period we are living in now, it is the triggers and cues from the holy spirit that our time is now, and hence it is time for us to do something new, continually new that is the variable instincts job fulfilled when mated with the fluctuating period, everything in our environment is always in a state of fluctuation, animals know this, and that makes them feel at home, secure enough to always be on the edge, free of boredom, the key to mating the two lies in moving from fear into love, and remember when jesus said we are to make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside well when the female part of it the fluctuating period or holy spirit, mates with god, the variable instinct, we find the life of christ within us and hence the three part god is completed, and when that happens we help free others and ourselves from fear and boredom, it is like we take the fluctuating variable and internalize it so that god can work his magic on others, and when they recognize that we are at one with our environment the awakening, the realization and the conclusion they come to is the natural one, when confronted with the three part god, in man, and that is that anyone can do it, and in that moment ones own fearlessness and love of life inoculates like thinking into another, essentially this is the time when one is more susceptible to recognize the reality of christ's work on the cross, for one might think if one were to live one's whole life free from fear, plagued only at times with a boredom, that one knew immediately what to do with, that is face ones fears until the outside became the inside, and the inside like the outside, and hence the dominion of spirit, the life of christ, whose cup runneth over, then we all would become more like christ nobody can explain the fluctuating period even physicists run up against quantum uncertainty the fundamental randomness upon which our physical environment is created, and only a marriage of god working through our variable instinct along with this fluctuating period, might allow order to arise out of two fundamentally chaotic realities, ultimately one is forced to accept that everything is inherently benevolent otherwise that pairing of chaos would be devastatingly and contagiously catastrophic when even one evil factor enters the picture, sure the temptation always exists to let the power and the fulness to go to ones head and hurt others rather than help, and that is okay, because hate may win some battles but love wins in the end, hence the conclusion that our basic nature and the basic nature of the universe each conspire to move our species toward unity with one another and with nature itself, one reaps what one sows thanks to those two forces, other humans will ultimately hold one accountable as much as mother nature will

even if we presume the opposite about mans' nature that he craves security, routine and habit, then we still are not able to argue about what environment man faces, and that changing environment dictates one be adaptable, or at least find a home in chaos, but if we were to take it even further, perhaps one says that man's desire for chaos, emerging from the variable instinct, is to be held responsible for our fall from grace back in the garden of eden and in this world view, the fear of the lord keeps one honest, keeps one from abusing the high tone and punishes one greedy for power, either way, presenting a well ordered, port in the story or storm, to other characters serves one as well as the more immature appeal to the inner child we spoke of earlier, perhaps discipline and structure allow man to gain control over oneself and the ever changing world, setting an example to fellow man that will stand the test of time just like all great truths there are lessons to be learned from impulsiveness matched with the structured timing we conclude rally's from the high tone, the holy spirit, and the fluctuating period and when success has been had, depending on the outcome, one might find oneself fearful of success and or fearful of failure, the combination and or either alone ought to only serve one's initiation into a mating of outside with inside obviously it pains me to say it was intended to convey the above, and it would not be complete without explicitly mentioning that we are proposing that the universe is conscious, and hence observation and attention ought to not only affect the effects of nature but also be affected by it. invigorating is the dance when one subsumes responsibility for the effects of ones affect to words like variable instinct and fluctuating period

The way I see it there is the mind and then there is the heart, and the mind is the location of all insecurity while the heart is the location of courage. And when the heart beats into new territory, all the mind's insecurity is manifested into eustress and all the new information allowed in through the expanding of the mind thanks to the hearts tender and cautious beats informs us. At that point there is an opportunity to share our courage and insight with others who might feel insecure. The goal and goals of the exercise follow, reaching and allowing others to reach social acceptance while making the way for self actualization. Reaching out for the unknown rewards one for the truth persists; we all lead lives of quiet desperation.

Putting myself in a woman's shoes, a young attractive woman, one might realize how easily it seems to cross the line and work in one another's mind. Making oneself available to the light in another's eyes while giving one a glimpse into the light of another's mind. That said the unspoken rule for women still applies, a man's heart and hence mind is off limits unless he commits the first overture. And a man will not succeed unless he is higher and hence able to confer a confidence which is lacking into the mind of his quarry. As far as the woman's role goes, she is in control as long as she is in possession of the power, the power of suggestion, that power which grows with the least desperation.

It is a beautiful dance, perhaps if more folks knew the goal of self actualization and the deconstruction of social acceptance our family of man would rejoice in a new song. would you say you are full, and why do you think that is mercy and truth where you find one you will find the other and the power to fuel and to fire to lift and inspire, to indulge and create and no one person knows every nuance needed to marshall that power properly depending on the read, might say or do they and or except for me, no seriously solomon reiterates there is a season for everything so I leave you with that and now we will part ways truth comes first since it says that the fear of the lord is the beginning of knowledge however there is also the riddle and saying all the while enigmatic why is there in the hand of the fool the purchase price of wisdom since he has no heart for it

do not get me wrong they are separate things

I mean if truth is earthly power, the power to help others see from your point of view and mercy is like a divine power allowing one to see from another's perspective since truth levels the playing field it is a type of mercy allowing others to understand the game we are playing from your perspective better and enabling them to either show you mercy in that moment and or either discredit the truth and offer one better you see we are always learning more feeling more seeing more advantages and those that abuse the power find it lacking again and perhaps the wicked will abuse the power only to show us reason to fear the lord the great truth that good means nothing in the absence of evil the dichotomy rings truth and we will not know where the center is until you know where the edges are showing someone mercy invites that person into a confidence not known when it is lacking folks open up all the greatness within while divine power descends mercy is divine power knowing it's ways will always deceive a man who is hungry for earthly power an over indulgence in either mercy or truth backfires against he who sought it and thus it might be labeled vanity given the compassion of a loving god, and if you will follow me around the track one more go who would find fault in a man with a heart for truth and or either mercy and hence we do come full circle once the picture of perfection he who sold his soul would surrender the fold of finality to wallow in dire need evoking wisps and silent steam for fear of soliciting the meme darkness all alive and dreams the door responds soiled and creamed ignores stolen greed formless caustic and demeans arugula leaves derogatory ungainly prerogatives open grails horned theme support less formal crenelated vortex incapacitated fortress in a broken down land drains dredge for secrets allowances found no feed ingratiation allowed stew seed crews creed proud freed vanity is she power is he recluse knew you encase ]]

So there are really only two types of people those who read and those who do not and amongst those who read there are also two types of people those who will succumb to the tale of another's life's work and inhabit the road leading from the author's ancestor's and progenitors and/ or those whose reading has all led up to their lives work which will encase and enfold the readers perhaps even other author's perhaps even the other author's whose life work went into forming the mind of that very author, that very work, to lead others into the blackness, the dream, the turning

I remember the woman saying something about the people around me and how one of them was writing everything down perhaps the easiest work to read and get lost in leads through a series of chain reactions to the best author's ancestor's who were themselves leading lives so easy to rectify, and by that I mean lead more than once in an attempt to perfect the display of love and affection since that is what we mainly do here on earth to pass the time and for every new soul enfolded and encased in the line, we all benefit for it raises the author's perspective in a new time line, for the author and the reader meld, and the mind becomes one and the intertwining interconnections between author and reader inspiration and inspired, motivations and creations weave so well that we all end up in the end being a part of him whose ancestors were the most basic of lovers, perhaps it was fearlessness, but could it have happened any other way

And so there may seem to be only one person whose life work we are all reading there are really many author's intertwining and inspiring one another all to that one end, which is the one inspiration the author's whose life the one read and therefor has already lived, in service of the one chapter which is the wellspring the fountainhead, the zeitgeist of all the ever living dead, seeking to know how to behave when love positions itself and fate intervenes it's a cross-pollination of memes and dreams, inspiring and conspiring, uplifting and conflicting resolving into catharsis indwelling and repelling surmounting and propounding excavation and emasculation compassion and repression evisceration and comiseration

I don't want to die without knowing that I did everything that I could to get to the bottom of why I am here in the first place I hate to harbor it myself but there are just some truths you will not be getting in this world if you are not hip to peel off a layer of pride and purportedly speak in humble truths to the alien being inside the next raisin you find finishing your thoughts let's say if it is not about the words you say

flaming hooray for the way say the words that you say exclaim the down right foray for laying the right down circuit low

I cut the light brightness flow exclaim for raining proceed to deep dreaming out of clay warps screaming scheming for aloud ways exclaiming exclusions for now a names system brought to you by had blabby or could it be hackle and snicker snicker and smith colt to lessen horsepower out loud he will talk around certain subjects leaving you with know doubt he knows what you are thinking he deliberately says nothing when the wrong would have been turned into him for casting crowds the gift he gives is silence like how much money the aliens deposited where who what when why the guy used a glottal stop till she broke the damn levy explosive let's blow and cement the next know knowledge and less mojo she storms brew and lest brizzy till the cups fill and she’s less dizzy spill the left cups fall filling the misty spell dislike dizzy ought not spell with h leaders fall for out followers as waterfalls element on down the firmament exclaim reigns knew permanent cue dreams drains rule who laid game it was never about the smack just get her and don't look back

I'd split her if she would sow flack we are the chemical reaction you ever wonder what forces form inside the most medicated do you ever yonder on down below the riverbanks she fond dreams on to the long spend excremental energies elongations demonstrations eliminations and recriminations confirmations and alliterations communications and will stipulations follow only to me and no further would you be the one to go together effeminate in need you now know words smile out of need astounding tragedy for she keeps the speed we are imaginary characters of course we are at wits end who set the first fire in your hair abbreviated aggreivances eclipses wo words in twilight do you believe that he just might be the reason she eclipses woe in twilight the tool’s reason for things we throw in the lime light angels bring gifts then we rhyme in wide light who it has given a new dimension for her passion wisdom and that is a fact science's mistresses da vinci's demons illustrative symbols cut to diamond clarity nobody knows how rare she is till she whips the ground withholding her hips high dimples that ingot a riddle that is thug thought out a skid that is a sky ask some kids why he gets high

I feel like I am ready to talk don't tell me that this whole thing is not creepy and contrived not necessarily in that order cold wet logic often shouted I don't care the real art of no decision lies in doing only what comes naturally

I have been bitten off par is it more that you can chew

I have bitten off par that I can chew haven't you wondered who lives via you and when you have mastered that may all your males grow horns with tails turn your self twice say it like a girl who is in love with a guy we are willing to tell everything for the right price but if you asked me once I will tell you again my name is ninian ulysses bond and these limitations will not be yours to bear we who do now for we are welcome all who are come before you we are welcome to know you unfortunately they already told you what they tell me her fear is escaping and the main male is not taping rap sessions real lessons demand samuel clements fought hard tails he told were of jarring conflicts she felt were worth farming imagination reveals what disarming when magic slams back before the final jams echoe ripples and a woman that made man a strain reads strung she bought her coffee hula hoops all win give the gift of young with a large dowry

I write this to you because it isn't what it seems

I say it's fictional and you may say what you want it isn't what you think thought you would say it is exactly what it seems we all have a memory of being taken into a room where the men are devoutly abstaining from emotion and all the women make more men it was the tale end when she came back around

I don't want to be an enabler so leave out some of the above do you have people of the opposite sex that you can call then you are doing okay do you have people of the same sex who support you then you are not giving it your all though I think jesus saying love your neighbor as yourself must have meant he was living in some down right backwards time

I guess what I am driving at is that we are living in times where loved ones and acquaintances easily swap what is that doing for your communication non judgment is the best way to see and please avoid holding up a mirror for the fortunate live all the lives they give naughty for wickedness a blissful ignorance hold the heart beat for arousal’s engagement surprise the captor inspire less laughter more shock and awe astound me and confound me blissfully unaware

I care who do you trust with your life with your love with your blood and with your guts it's a shame you took the lesser dare for the sights I have seen would not have been possible had you been my other half it's okay we can all be friends

I hope he doesn't hold a grudge against me the defendant may finally rise a curtain comes down

I do not care if you are god one minute and nobody the next. thinking that you are nobody when you are god or thinking that you are god when you are nobody only causes a malfunction in the divine way

I wrote a book, he accepts that he is not the best thing for you but he does not accept that after everything you have gone through you will not be his friend

I need your friendship and that is okay if that scares you I am not going to tell you that I was lying when I said that I cheated on you but even though you cheated on me, with me it did not go beyond foreplay and at the time I was not even sure if you loved me without you to witness all the good that comes and has come since knowing you, it always finds a way of slipping away and I know you do not want to hear it but that is the reason that my medication works for me you are like the good fairy god mother and in turning little bunny foo foo into a goon the work was surprising in a way in which all who witnessed the transformation knew the truth of the matter and all the while she turned her head and no longer met the sight of wonder god wants good things and even goons make into fine felines and all the good that has come from elevating you would be returned to you had you witnessed the work the work speaks of perfection even through humility the collapse of the wave function kills the feline and without looking in the box you will never know the mystery of awe joseph you and I would function and perform at right angles to form new dimensions perhaps she will know and understand the wisdom in her own right he accepts that he may not be the best thing for you but after all that you have been through he struggles to accept, that you will not be his friend, without finding fault in himself he has learned and continues to learn the fear of the lord but he does not know who he is for he cannot trust himself with a girl and only you have the power to make him whole meanwhile it has been a good exercise in patience for a personality is only able to be split so many times perhaps it is time you reminded him who you are stopped dreaming and witnessed for us who you have one perhaps there is no greater crime than to not trust oneself congratulations you took the lesser dare houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers but a prudent wife is from the lord my mom oh dear me did we save her we did she finally broke through well I helped her overcome her fear of the high tone you ever known someone who would do everything and anything to keep the last word demanding masquerading as confidence ungraciousness in place of forgiveness well I say let them have it and save the last dance for me speaking of dancing could there be any more apt metaphor for the way people relate to one another are we a sharing soul

I often think of what I would have said to myself but I rarely think of what I might be telling myself anonymous

She would rather be gracious and laugh at herself than vain and condescending

Forgiving rather than misgiving. which type is better you decide the meaning of forgiving is allowing someone to leave in this society solutions accumulations restrain our amount of time

I know it sounds like a cliche after in time but life and death allow memories shelf life indefinite amalgamations allow generations to pass through time agglomerations erupmpentations to forsist throughout time allow the erumptations lamentations to cool follow the golden rule stomp panel forgiving the real and living love feel still voice inside alive and on wire frames modulation rate runs higher i think it would be exacting to extract the frames main module and retract into mode modular for playback in the vose would your mind make up it's own rules can you fine the finders keep who keeps the withdraw spade harm fools two songs ruse she study some schools she took the lame engraved her name and the folks worth we are the infidels inbred swine with a propensity to rhyme woeful show shameful how about abashed construct revolving around time and there are not good reasons to for all the delays down the avenues and pathways of jurisdiction unless it is dealing in time a quid pro quo you get to live in a free america when you can pay us learn to make your own memories you pull your weight there isa society of changers a social network of who what when whyers and that is where the good parts start including referencing alluding when he met the queen she tuned him up so hard that she made him go soft fell in love with the nearest wide wonder he laid on her

first he took all the magic that everyone and no one was there to witness bound it up in his chest and let her heart beat laid on her give her up lust her love lack but to believe she knew he made an amateur move but what she did not know is that a little competition and I do mean a little though he professed to love god well that was all it took for the real sinner to look ahead and plow into the fasting and reading of spiritual texts you dreamed that you left the water on well his sink runneth over and no one was home to see it it is a shame that you did not get to see the blessing you worked so hard to sew you saw the screen but you didn't meet your maker perhaps you saw you had a hand in the matter and so on a holocaust of miscommunication

I was feeling the hold your spirit real strong and your ability to take the tiniest anxiety and turn it into the ugliest insult did wonders for me

I understand feeling vulnerable and taking it out on someone else, trust me sometimes that is the only road open however doing so for our own ego is not something worth while that is not how god works perhaps you feel that as a parent that your job is to look down on me that is fine and all for your own ego, but what about in twenty and thirty years when you are on your death bed, and your son is so weak because you maligned the tenderness he felt whenever he felt it and he has a hard time not wishing you were already dead because all you have done is prevent him from making the lasting parent child relationships that would carry him through adulthood thanks to your ego is that how you want to be remembered as a plague erasing all his good memories by pulling up the scabs to wounds that would never heal without you aggravating them scars wounds and scabs is your legacy as great as your parents

No Hardy implying strength mental above physical, though in the end what is the difference? I wrote it shortly after hearing and empathizing, with Cat Stevens song, "I am looking for a hard headed woman." most folks think it is a test alright let's call it that and say how well can you control your mind oh yea the court is a kangaroo our jurors know it is a kangaroo court and our judge sits on behalf of his honor do you recommend a revolution perhaps parliament speaks of true resolution and do we all know he knew our blood she's tried and true alien rule which octaves do you approve supposed real truth

I mean I think you can see me but jessica is the only one who gets me by and by I think she is so omniscient that you know what I am going to say that when I look into a new girls eyes all I see is her apprising me what else do you make of her behavior there is no right answer self control

I finally get your screen name well explain in to me now that would be an undertaking stake sale so aha i will say I feel retarded you are quite the little sprite now I am undertaking my creepy old man tone sometimes intelligence like turning around in the flow of tariff's the infantile language reflex utterly helpless extracting meaning a void of creation and novelty the real sphere of authorship and one a feeling more simple and profound than purpose more subtle and effortless than faith

I am writing you in hopes of finding closure, there are a few things you might care to know about my relationship to Joe, and my relationship to you.

I do not need a complicated profession to prove that I have got soul

I like the humble dignity of serving life is long and winks out in a flash love is grand and desolation complete control is rare and emotions be damned command the few and lead by example follow the tale and forego all regret surrender the coin and live life alive the mundane explanation defaces explication for every two truths there is the third proof grant me peacefulness in the chaos poor planning leave cram sometimes it helps if you are moving away from something in order to see it a feast for the eyes confined in the corner of your periphery can you hear it turn your back towards the wall the real test of life is: when you are given information how well do you implement qualify and embody it once you wager a commitment to truth, not only do you learn the fear of the lord, which is what drives the atheist in his thirst for knowledge, but then if you really committed, perhaps you will learn her greatest truth that truth turns into the weakest implement without mercy

That all truth fails in the face of mercy, her greatest truth be not wise in your own eyes, share the claim to truth raise the stakes if we lets say were an experiment lets say we watched technology

filtered without quality enough to mimic the quality that once was until we imagined a new demarcation a radical now characterization explicitly implicit implied and explicit you enjoy the rise ticket an unpretentious way to say spiritual play with your feces excrement drink your urine spouting rhythm wrote the facade held up the props focused on building the set expanding on what is not yet you see I had never been in a fight and every fight he had been in had ended with one winner and one loser

You see I would have let the whole thing go if he hadn't have taken it all so seriously it was to be like a play fight from the beginning

I pawed at his stomach when he tried to leave oh the things your girl will make you do that's right my girl she will always know

you see I had never been in a fight the greater evil is it not denial

I would rather be shy and humble than proud and arrogant mercy might include listening tofu ignorance is iridescent

3 7 9 14 1 3 1 2 3 4

1 2 6 8 2 3 7 12 4 7

I wish to finish this sentence

am diagnosed bipolar with episodes of psychosis as of the age 18. I am thirty two and began taking medication about five years ago.

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Fear for the lord or fear of the lord, putting yourself in god's shoes, transforming fear of the wicked to fear for the wicked, which transforms into a fear of being labeled wicked by god, which is the fear of the lord, when christ rose from the dead and said morning star, did he go to hell and rebel against god after he died and rose again, did god raise him up as the fallen angel, did he harden his heart to god, when he said abba father why have you forsaken me, did he lead us all into a relationship with him only to bring us to ruin

Why do they say wise up, do we gain elevation as we enlarge our view, making connections we might not make

Chapter 4 since the wicked are just about as likely to have this information as the righteous, I think it is only right that everyone have it, and perhaps some of this information is more suited to the wicked than the righteous, so perhaps they will avail themselves of it, and meanwhile for those who are righteous and have never fallen, well perhaps they are the ones who need it the most to better defend against increasingly powerful and not to be feared antagonistic androids of elipsoid souls

For the righteous who have never fallen I hope that much of this information is unfamiliar, since those who have never lost power, would not yet be as familiar with all the reasons why it is lost, as those who have had so much that losing it is simply inescapable, and hence know the intricacies of keeping large amounts safe and protected

I won't tell you this first, but the number one reason that couples lose face individually is due to a lack of comittment familialy and that stems from lacking true love. Before honor is humility so before loving oneself, it is necessary to first love and fear god, and then it is possible to love another, hopefully an equal as oneself, as god intended, and appreciate what god has given you. As for the wicked, well they are so far from loving oneself, that they seek death, in so doing they attempt to make someone fall before they fall, and that is the only way they can fall asleep. I will tell you and hopefully hear from you, from first hand accounts what it is like to be evil and what it is like to be righteous. And I do believe that the only people to read this will be the righteous, since, it says for whom the lord loves he corrects just as the father the son in whom he delights, and it also says, but the ways of the just are like the shining sun that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day, the way of the wicked is like darkness, they do not know what makes them stumble.

Remember it says the way of life winds upward for the wise, that he may turn away from hell below, and who is winding upward, I wonder and how far down did they go first, and what do they have to say about what they learned, see there are some couples who play a game like individuals who set up others for a fall, they might gain power by ruining someone else’s day, but in the end they are left without the protection of the high tone, and they know not why they fall, but they fall to any couple with more power than them, and those couples who are in true love, do not even notice the high tone perhaps, they are able to share in the devouring of iniquity, and feed on foolishness, so he who is least foolish holds upright,

I am just like everyone else, one of the wicked striving to be upright, well at least that other part is true for me, how about you will this story inspire you everything is an interplay of expectations, so he who expects reward from no where outside of himself, only from god, and therefor from within, lives in a state of pure expectation

who is there to be feared more than the bored, besides god, if you cannot sound the most bored, then you will not build peoples expectations for when, if, and how you will sound the most excited, who is able to sound the most bored, and yet wise enough to be easily excited, while able to be the most easily able to excite he who has the fear of the lord, and has seen it all, and only want you and everyone else to see it too the parallel universe with the most high tone, spin offs, the tape with the most high tone, the confusion with the least what is the purpose of our lives by humility and the fear of the lord, are riches and honor and life how do people get away from the fear of the lord, the question is not how they get away but how they get back the high tone is not how high or low in octaves the person speaking speaks, rather it reflects something about the state of mind of the speaker, it is not what is said but the effect that saying it has on it's affected

I believe that the hand of god is orchestrating events so that there will be more high tone in the future than there has been in the past when my high tone is higher than my stepfathers, he would be well advised to hear the fear of the lord, and make his voice submissive, and playful, as opposed to hardening his face and my mother would be well advised to remember that he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed, i had such an accumulation of the high tone, and from that high of a perspective I could perceive and understand the operation of multiple days, so some people hold and raise the high tone, by taking it, and caressing it, like it says in emerald tablet, it is a fire that became our earth seperate the earth from the fire and you shall adhere more to that which is subtle than to that which is coarse, the high tone is the product and byproduct of love true love whoever is holding the most, will always be able to better pull than he who hold little, or at least that is true for the ox as for the females it is whoever is willing to hold the least that can pull the most he who can hold the least can teach others to hold more, and hence he can hold more, and hence he can pull more or said differently he who gives easily gains easily and helps others gain easily

Sometimes I think our family is the head of the beast, and by that what do I mean? Well perhaps there is some game being played in heaven, and in the game the reason for playing and therefor the one who started the game is the one who will end the game, and that, I believe and I will argue is our family. I believe that there are an almost infinite number of parallel realities in which our family is playing the game, with the souls of the non believers, but for them to reach back to the beginning and to see the end, they have to have the incentive to play again and no life provides that like ours.

Ultimately what one learns from the game is not to play it unless they want a more intense experience than they had last time, and therefor one learns the fear of god, by playing the game, and where better to learn that then from the wicked.

Since the wicked started the game, and the righteous finish the game, what happens to those, who never finish, well then they never knew us.

I am afraid that the information contained in this book is going to be used for evil, but if the righteous need it as much as the wicked, then perhaps, well the righteous could need it more than the wicked, and perhaps it will carry the righteous over the ravene that the wicked fall into, even while enlightening some of the wicked to tempt the righteous.

My hope is that this story will inspire the fear of the lord in you, and not tempt you to play with fire.

Because if you do, then you become the beast, and that means all of the baggage that is the beasts. For I will redeem them all, for I gave life to them all.

Only he who knows of the depths might appreciate the view from the heights. the game ended for me after being taken to a hospital where they promptly released me, so convincing was I of my mental health, and then I promptly climbed into the back of the nearest ambulance and despite strong feelings, the strongest gut feelings I have ever had in my life that what I was doing was wrong, I tried to imagine that I was going to be reborn, well see you have to go back further than that, to when I was living in colorado, and after accumulating momentum like a ball of snow rolling down the mountain only to climb back up the other side, I took it upon myself to accumulate some funds and make a name for myself at burning man, where I experienced everything from time turning backwards as long as no one tried to turn it forwards, and hence as long as no one, tried period, and then experienced, moments of perfection I have no name for except the name of the camp which I believe is, where I experienced the transcendence of entrenched male and female patterns of perception only to make friends with everyone, and some more unbelievable things that you will perhaps hear about later, anyway I got put into jail and the charge which I did not know at the time was assault on a health care provider, where I held the court of the lamb hung and died, rose again and that is why I say the game ended well it was also the beggining, so in fact it was a rebirth for me.

You see in the dream where the game ends, well everytime it ends it begins, and that is what we were doing in the jail. It was a baby factory. A factory that turned harded criminals into loving fathers. I do not think that society would want anything else for a facility designed to incarcerate.

I told the man riding in the cab next to me, he was a healer, and he confirmed that I was a okay the day before by asking me if I believed in an omniscient omnipotent and omnipresent god that is alpha and omega, and so on, so even after he heard that I had indian blood from way back and concluded that I might have animal spirits he was still friendly with me, and well then I asked him about my father who I told him might have something to do with the illuminati, since his parents did not want him to marry my mother, and he freaked out, Of course the whole time I am thinking if there is a god, then surely he is omnipotent and hence in charge of the illuminati, if he is in charge of anything making it an object of fascination and perhaps good, rather than wickedness and ridicule.

It is like the time I am walking with the

I am really just a broken man trying to make good on his life.

You made this story, and you may read it, and you may not, but in the end you made it happen.

Because if there is one thing that is true about me, well I did not ever have an identity but in relationship with others. the story will be divided into three parts, the early years, where alot of mischief happens, and that is for purely scientific purposes included. The middle years, where I am learning the fear of the lord. And finally the later years where I am perfecting the fear of the lord. skip the whole thing if you do not know if you want your mind and heart corrupted, especially the early years,

and she said hit it hit it, and I hit it, with all I was holding, which was like less than seventy percent, and yet I could have upped the ante if I had said, as a command to her, take it, hold it, then i would have had the last word, and the high tone, or rather we both would have.

sometimes I feel like my family or think that they are the head and the tail, the body of the beast is everyone who came into contact with it,

I was completely sober and the child cried with joy and I ought to tell kathy and duane about it, trying to kill, the splendor, the child, the future, to live in the present forever, to control the destiny of all fate, and yet it works to gods advantage when his children are tested, and that is why he allows it,

I believe in you, a casual saying, for me tonight as a driver, almost tounge in cheek and yet with a double entendre, of faith in the undescribable what if there were a story we could tell that would allow us to know one another as ourselves, what if that story began with acknowledging that we are all looking for validation, validation for our entire existence one soul at a time, and that story begins and ends here what if the seed of christs incarnation that is the seed of god did not exist at the time but by the grace of god, to put it in pedantic poetry, or by the time traveling aliens, it existed as the fruit of the work he performed while on earth I see you, good looking out hopes and dreams, talk about it before being rash might as well do everything else that you fear first before that fear of and fear for, not against a merry heart, the purpose of life, to live and be loved, to believe in one another, how can we do that if we are broken, by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken sometimes I have so much high tone I could not possibly know what to do with it, and by that I only mean that no one is around to use it on, and that means no fruit of the mouth one of the greatest secrets of the bible and the proverbs is that he stores up sound wisdom for the upright now you might not believe it if you have not experienced it, and you certainly have not experienced it, if you are not upright, and you are not upright unless you fear the lord, and how can you fear the lord without understanding the proverbs learning the proverbs it is not good to eat much honey, so to seek ones own glory is not glory wisdom is in the sight of him who has understanding but the eyes of the fool are on the ends of the earth getting treasures by a lying tounge is the fleeting fantasy of those who seek death humility and being small to humble and enlarge the humility of the less than small or a mans gift makes room for him and brings him before great men the preparations of the heart belong to man but the answer of the tounge is from the lord when you have gotten the fear of the fear of the lord, well you are ready for the way, your fear of the lord is elevated to a level and place of perfection by humility and the fear of the lord are riches and honor and life, however it is not good to eat much honey so to seek ones own glory is not glory the fruit of the fear of the lord is hope and fear, respect and awe, for something greater, and that leads to life speaking the fruit of the mouth, brings health, to the bearer of the words and the receiver, breathing new life into the one lacking and the one bearing the fear of the lord, the headline will read, new way of communicating, using rising and falling tones improves health and mental agility the author of the study is writing a book and taking submissions for authentic and moving accounts of quality mastering the technique requires understanding the proverbs of the bible mastering the technique requires the fear of the lord increasing ones appreciation and expectation of and for life hey how are you doing, said with so much grace and in you face fucking honest love, while at the same time detachment and calm cool collection taking the high tone do you validate it with the deep and honest tone that it calls for

I am working on a research proposal, and I would really appreciate your help, does flattery get a guy anywhere, or do you find it ingratiating? let me start with a less flattering statement, megan I think that there is a hole in your aura, and I think I know why as much as you do. life is dark and does that mean that death is light either way I trust you will trust me when I tell you that we might be able to set the record straight you see it is all about finding a prudent wife, and a prudent wife will find a first rate man

I now know what makes the flowers bud and the blossoms bloom

I am going to tell you the story from the beginning, as much as possible, since you are to be, well if you will, be the wire and I will be the rod, no pun intended rodman together we make electricity and birth babies I meant to write wife and not wire, and the typo let flow a loss of words

I am breathing better now and let me tell you why well let me first tell you that my stepfather had a dream, well not yet, first let me tell you my mothers dream, she was in a basement and there were these people a man and a woman and they were having, well bell, the name of our late and very intuitive dog, a beagle known for being emotional, and she was having a real human baby, and it was aparently very painful, I do not remember all of the details, but apparently the parents were not helping according to my mom, and she did not know why she was there, but she took over, and was like get in here, and like when the baby came out it was like stillborn or something not breathing and it had stuff, mucus or something in its mouth and she had the parents clear this from it, so it could breath, but in the dream she never got to see it breath, and to me when she told me about this dream, and it is very rare that my mother has a dream that she tells me about, and it was the night after we talked, so to me it meant that we would have a baby and at the same time that I was the baby, since the knowledge that you were to be my wife and the mother of my child(ren) well it allowed me to breath, and the knowledge that your parents were in on it, well it all better helped me to breath easy, and know that all the stuff that I wanted to tell you on the phone that night well it was real, and we were real, every since, I have been breathing easier, and seeing clearer, and rising higher in the tone that I bring with others, and that has led me to greater insight and well you see I would really appreciate telling you the rest on the phone nevermind that idea, I will write it all,

first let me tell you who you are to me, and perhaps who I will be to you there was a day before jessie and I became one, and that was right when I was still talking to you, and well, I recall telling someone that I had two girls one that was a snake and the other that was a dream ever since I understood who you were, and what you were about, well, allow me to flatter you if you will hear it that way, and say it was a dream, and the dream grew to a magnitude and porportion that it almost did not seem real the longer we knew eachother, and then one day when what might have happened might have changed everything, well I saw you at daniels place, and I was in the parking lot across the street, and well, you did not see me pull in but, when i saw you, well if I had not hesitated, and well when you saw me we would have, well let's not go there, you see, allow me to share pretention, that is how I know that I am your dream as much as you are my dream, because on that morning well my hair looked like yours always did, and the look on my face, which somehow I knew would always be there, well it had all of the look that yours always did, when you were hunting magic and well if you will let me be the organ to your muse, if you still might kindle the innocence and curiosity to induldge the creative veins in these loins to your yoni and my lingam

I found the face of the snake repulsive at times, and well the point is that she led me to learn how to strike, and that has ceded in me that which I might not have found otherwise

I do not know, and do not particularly care at all if you think that you woman, are more intelligent than me man, but, I will say this, reading proverbs, and gaining the fear of the lord, has enabled me to inhabit and entwine minds with more females than reading alone

I do believe that before I got put into jail, and after burning man, you entrusted me with your mind, and body and that has led me to know the heart and mind of almost anyone male and female well if I tell the truth to you, when we were talking and I became really manic, I think that day we had been chatting on facebook, maybe you can recall what about, perhaps I mentioned that you and I were adam and eve, and we dreamed it all up, and all that, well, I was manic and I remember taking souls with your help, and you know how sometimes, that when you are manic it is like there is this window of opportunity where changes are being made, well this is a change, and window which I will remember making and walking through, till the day I die or rise or whatever, So I knew that the window was closing, and first let me tell you about a recurring dream that I had as a child, and in this dream, one of two dreams that recurred, more properly a nightmare, though it begins and it is a beautiful day, and I am in the backyard, where I see a deer, the most lovely, delicate looking beautiful animal known to man, and all I remember wanting to do besides appreciate it, is to help others to appreciate it, and and I remember it being the most delicate looking, and beautiful deer, to see on the most beautiful day, and and it all happened in, and here I was with all of these souls and because here I was with all of these souls an and without you there for me to hold them, well, and trust me, I know this might be hard to think about, remember I lost her too, well she held them for me, and I layed on her, and let her feel me, and by that I mean the electricity that flowed in me at that time, and I knew that even before I layed on her, the heart in me that was pumping, so hard, I heard that there was another woman in the garden, and her name was lilith, and anyway, maybe that was the snakes plan, and you know that when you are manic, well, there is, sometimes, at least for me, there is a window of opportunity and changes are cemented, the beginning of proverbs is like a narrow gateway, it talks about knowing wisdom and instruction, and it tries to bore the uninitiated, the fool right from the start, so that he think not one second about taking the path that might lead to what is truly dangerous knowledge for him have you heard about the energy what do you mean the energy the energy in the light what do you mean in the light well you do not see it he doesn't know what it is well what is it you do not see it you hear it well then why do you call it the energy in the light don't worry when you hear it you will understand later on

I think i get it, the energy in the sound creates pictures in the mind right and the energy in the light, once you hear it, nothing exists anymore, right all that exists is the sound, and the sound makes everything real everything is love and sound controlled the female raises the mans frequency providing excitement, and the male lowers the females frequency providing her with peace and the excitement about owning the male which excites other females, the pushing and pulling feels good and fills one up, and how that energy is used, is how the heart is tested

it all started, when because I was a skeptic that loved science, and low and behold my mom had taught me to love reading, even if she was not a reader, and that day that she took me to the science fiction section in the basement of the library and handed me book after book off the shelf until one took hold, the green futures of tycho by william sleator, and after reading all of his books, well it was time for me to graduate to hard science, and that is when things really grew strange, I mean never did I imagine that me a hard core skeptic and lover of science might find reason to believe and conclude thanks to some mathematical proofs that the four fundamental fources are unified in a higher dimension, to conlcude that the perspective ascribed to god necessarily exists. That day occured at the beginning of what would become a very memorable life, at some point during a very memorable eighth grade year, one in which I would lose my viginity, and maybe it actually started, when my mom heard me making strange noises and thought that my organs were not attached properly as a man baby.

A happy childhood, I never remember meeting anyone that I could not make happier in some small way. I guess that is why I found it so strange that the new kid, one year picked me to single out, and make fun of. The idea that someone might actually seek to make another person feel bad made no sense to me. Of course later that same year we all played smear the queer and the tables were turning frequently enough to make me feel strong. It was not something I looked forward to, and it would be something, violence that is, that I would avoid like a pacifist for the remainder of my

women are looking for that man that can hit someone with that sound that says I would never have hit you first, and you made a mistake by hitting me first, because I can hit alot harder than you, and I am going to let everyone know that by just how gently and effortlessly I am able to hit harder than you.

I remember when I met her, not a word, not a gesture, and yet, all the gestures and all the words, were known to us. Intimate knowledge of the other, one another's every movement and thought exposed and revealed. It was like we each knew that we were the ones who were able to absorb and reflect anyones energy, and the fact that we were not able to absorb one another's without losing some first, that is making the first move, led us each into a standoff. A standoff of studied and practicied, disintrest, not even disinterest, not even avoidance, that would be too obvious. She found it more annoying I think, though I know that we each found it frustrating, because we each knew that we were meant to absorb eachothers energy and in time we knew that neither of us were going to let the other gain a leg up. singing objects into existence, this is what the energy in the light is all about, this is the lesson at the heart of the proverbs. and I thought that I was going to start a new fad, a nation wide craze, rolling around in the grass of our backyards. It might sound banal but trust me, it's orginality is only underscored by simplicity to fit an ironic twist on the fact that we might have been doing it all along. the high tone is easily understood as the ability of one to hold the attention of a child in a positive way by the sound quality of voice.

I remember when we were in the grocery store and the baby boy down at the end of the aisle began to laugh and the laugh was unmistakable in it's control of and residing in the high tone. It was my laugh and that is why it did not frighten me, like it did jessie. I guess she thought that I might find it threatening, and when they came near, and the boy did not stop laughing, I knew it when it was happening because I had seen it happen before, he was turning us into eachother, me into a female, and her into a male, and the effect like it says when the whirlwind passes by the wicked is no more, but the righteous has an everlasting foundation, so the effect might have been to confuse us to the point beyond all recognition but the truth is that for jessie to be able to be the boy, she had to be her and for me to be able to father one like him, I had to be me, you see, we each had already found that tone in one another, and hence all will find it

I told a friend the other day that I believe that there is a simple way to explain what I have been learning in proverbs and that it has the power to change the world however to truly understand proverbs one must I believe remember and out loud recite them, and even then, it takes a prudent wife, to embody all the wisdom, and keep it alive, to reconcile a high tone of that of this generation to that of older and younger generations and to pass one on it is hard to taste ones potential and not be able to reach out and touch it to understand the proverbs without knowing them is to elicit love without owning it it is like knowing the way to walk the way of the just like the shining sun and shining brighter and brighter unto the perfect day, but actually still walking the way of wicked, which is like darkness, they do not know what makes them stumble to know and understand proverbs is to know what makes one stumble, and in that knowledge one might walk the way of the righteous to simplify proverbs one must recall that there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it is the way of death to control someones expectations is to control who creates the change, which is to control mind and body, and that is why they say blessings are on the head of the righteous, and be not wise in your own eyes, it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones, because your mind and body receive the energy that you create in others by allowing them to find hope and exceed expectations in life and creation. that is accomplished by pushing and pulling, pulling out hope, like it says sweetness of the lips increases learning and the tounge of the wise promotes health or pleasant words are like a honeycomb sweetness to the soul and health to the bones and more importantly maybe, is pushing the fear of the lord, which has the action of pulling the fear of the lord out of others in the form of sweetness and the less one concentrates on oneself as the creation of the sweetness the greater one's ability to bring glory to the lord and remember that it is not good to eat much honey so to seek ones own glory is not glory the stress is on the words is not remember he stores up sound wisdom for the upright, and is a shield to those who walk uprightly also if you are falling recall that it says do not despise the chastening of the lord, nor detest his corrections for whom the lord loves he corrects just as the father the son in whom he delights the key is maintaining the fear of the lord, and who else is wiser than him who knows the words of the wise, for it says the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom sometimes glory is brought to the lord, and the fear of the lord is maintained by silence, for it says he who restrains his lips is wise, and sometimes glory is brought to god by speaking for it says that death and life are in the power of the tounge and those who love it will eat it's fruit to know the difference between the two one might say is sound wisdom or working wisdom, as you read in the concordance and while the fear of the lord brings knowledge remember that happy is a man who finds wisdom, and he who gains understanding, her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, her gain than fine gold, she is more precious than rubies and all of the things that you may desire cannot be compared with her, length of days is in her right hand, in her left hand are riches and honor her ways are ways of pleasantness and all her paths are peace she is a tree of life to those who take hold of her and happy are all who retain her so while we are talking about the fear of the lord, we are also talking about peace and pleasantness and finally that mythical and controversial bastion called happiness but also remember that a prudent man conceals knowledge however if you want to you will hear it, for it says, wisdom calls aloud outside, she raises her voice in the open square, she cries out in the cheif concourses, at the openings of the gates she speaks her words if that has not wet your appetite for proverbs I do not know what will bob said he had a dream that someone would come along and tear the roof off of the factory and break the mechanism that controls the machines turning all of the mechanical horses and people into real horses and real people restoring the earth and cleansing it of the wicked, leaving only the amish looking folks well I was trapped in a factory, and I believe that understanding what I have to say will do the trick and turn the earth into heaven one person at a time one family at a time one soul at a time one child at a time a falling tone, with added grace, faces one to the lord, as much or more than the rising tone affected with grace faces one toward wisdom but only arrives by the fear of the lord and there is nothing like the two when combined unmistakable is the frightening and beautiful power of this musical tone surely we all will hear it and mark it as our existential call to exit or enter the gate of heaven, for it says that the evil will bow before the good and the wicked at the gates of the righteous

I heard it when I was in the factory for it was I who created it, along with my family, the secret is in working wisdom, for it says a scoffer seeks wisdom and does not find it, but knowledge is easy to him who understands go from the presence of a foolish man when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge and that is what you will do when we make the tape for first is the knowledge that adds wisdom of days for it says when the whirlwind passes by

if a womans control and influence on a man is effortless, and the proverbs allow a man to feel vulnerable like a woman, then what happens when a man's influence on another man is effortless if the psalms make a woman more like a man, and a man is a student of detachment, confidence, and power, then what happens when a woman is not flattering and clamorous if pulling is like truth and grace is like mercy then we also have humility

I wish updating a rich and buttery fear of the lord effort less for whoever holds the fear holds the power to pull and concentrate sweetness if it is a hit and not a miss the result of all the pushing and pulling, is that one is filled with the spirit, and the ability to turn one up or turn them down and that is how one either saves and or devastates one's soul by saving and or devastating anothers soul however the righteous learn from losing, and being turned down, that they might have saved the day, but the important part is the suffering and the memory of the excitement that they missed, combined they keep hope alive, and for a time when the desire rises again in the heart, and that memory takes one to a greater height, than before one first fell, and that combines with a new experience, of exceeding expectations and or falling farther, combined with the feeling of what might of been the hope however small allows one to feel even more excitement and rise higher and therefor save even more people, and or fall farther, and repeat, ultimately the righteous are never turned down, except by themselves, for it says it is not good to eat much honey, so to seek one's own glory is not glory, and there is a way that seems right to a man but it's end is the way of death,

I only know this from experience, being filled up allows one the advantage of filling up others, and therefor setting them within reach of enlightenment, now let me tell you about the concept of turning in detail in detail that is in detail well first thing is first, to turn, on the path of righteousness, well the question is how much strength is requried for self control, surrender vs. strength, mercy vs. truth male and female male energy is rare, what is even more rare is the male male that is still female female only the truly righteous know the answer to the question here and he who knows it all of the time exists only in theory another way to phrose the question in time is whether one poses, a threat, or might protect against it, and therefor whether to let the energy move from the head to the body, or from the body to the head where in the heart and mind to operate from is the age old question of many a master and comes only with experience and the road to peace of mind and exhiliration of the body lies paved by the fear of the lord the fear of the lord distributes the energy evenly between heart and mind so that a man has more energy in his body and hence his heart, with it a man's mind is protected, perserving truth, confidence, and charity for a female whether the energy is moved from the head to the heart ought to be a no brainer, you have turned me and I will let you turn me again, because I have got all that you need, a very dangerous thing indeed, and if man was not pruned he might let that happen again and again, for coming to another's hard heart, opening it with a key, is, if nothing else is, a greed inducing scheme, do not despise the chastening of the lord, for whom the lord loves he corrects, just as the father the son in whom he delights the ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among the wise and hence suffering the rebukes and the chastening is the only thing that seperates the wicked from the righteous the only thing that women fear more than a righteous man, is a man that is smarter than them, and I think that they fear them both, only that the fear that a righteous man induces is more one of exhiliration and filling potential. The rules for a woman in this situation is the same for that of a man, to gain maximum effect, give one another a little, for a little of the high tone, goes a long way, and the less there is the more room for growth there is, for he who is able to hold a little with grace, might hold a lot one day give her only as much as she can hold, and if you want him to hold more, start him out on as little as possible if one man teaches another one humility and the fear of the lord, then that is great for righteous lips are the delight of kings and they love him who speaks what is right when one is righteous he or she is able to update to the sound of the nearest righteous speaker and or non speaker for the really advanced read sensitive how rare is the sensitive and the strong and what stories do they have to tell the real test of whether you are turning folks toward or away from god is whether you are holding, that is your family value, is holding, falling, or rising, and it is true that the wicked might hold for a moment by making someone fall but we all know that as it says deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, and a lying toung is but a moment but on the other hand counselors of peace have joy, and the truthful lip shall be established forever

I repeat, and here is the real secret, in mercy and truth atonement is provided for iniquity if you can figure that one out, then remember, it is time, a prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools pours forth foolishness, for you will learn secrets secrets too great to ever tell like understanding why is there in the hand of the fool, the purchase price of wisdom, since he has no heart for it? well to have a heart is to have mercy, for any man can fake truth

I think that there are birdies, bogies and eagles the birdie is a man or woman who has the ability to upgrade into the body and mind of the man or woman of one's choosing the only problem is that birdies can be damaged a bogie is a man or woman that downgrades into a man or woman nearby and beyond this a bogie is never damaged an eagle is a birdie with the ability to pose as a bogie for protection in other words a bogie is a liar now if you can find the birdie in a bogie then we are doing good, and you are definately the eagle the girls were choosing who would get to win what happens if the guys choose breath like your enemy and enter into relationship

so I meet this chick carley and she is like baffling me, well she used the word baffling, so she asks me if I am religious and I am like not sure what to say, except that well I would like to support the church, what is baffling is that sometimes I am in the same day, unable to inspire an easily startled gnat, and also able to inspire the inspired, and I mean sometimes I think that the inspired elect, to rank among the inspired is to find inspiration in even the slightest uninspired gnat, what I think is to be learned here is that inspiration can come from high or low, and to experience that disparity ought only to enhance ones' depth of erudition

so when there is a split, are you the one to take me alive, and or ride out the bore of it, you see

you have a dichotomy you have a relationship and you have synergy

where you have a relationship you may have synergy it might be a subtle difference, but I believe it is paramount and important both is it a genuine fear of the lord, or actually a fear of the wicked out competing them, and that is the problem, when one receives glory, there is a greater temptation toward wickedness, however diligence and or humility and the fear of the lord, reminds one that our time is short, and folly is fatal what one has is appreciated as precious and when one appreciates one's own fatality mortality whatever, one appreciates anothers and therefor appreciates relationships as rare finite and precious what happens when one justifies ones own vanity when a scoffer is punished the simple is made wise when the wise is instructed he receives knowledge strike a scoffer and the simple will become wary rebuke one who has understanding and he will discern knowledge do not despise the chastening of the lord for whom the lord loves he corrects just as the father the son in whom he delights

Jesus was a good follower and by that we mean a time traveler seeing into your future helping you to harvest and bearing the gifts shared as the present moment and what was it about the twelve disciples we all know maybe he looked into their hearts found a capacity for honor and a dissatisfaction for earthly honor and hence a potential for greatness And make no mistake he had to choose those twelve because a follower bears the ability to drain a leader and of course we know he spoke in parables to the masses

Now time for a fun thought experiment if god sits on your right shoulder and lucifer on your left that means the true leader sits on your right and the true follower sits on your left and the more that you avoid going left the closer you get to the fire and the more you go into the fire the better the reason you have to go left and thereby capture more sheep for the shepherd going toward sin and away from god might be right at the end of the day when he says behold

I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves therefor be wise as serpents and harmless as doves so the old psalms of david which says: be angry and do not sin becomes do no harm and know sin because when you do not know sin you do not know the world and when you do not know the world you do not know the broken and when you do not know the broken you do not know salvation much less know how to light a lamp and place it where all who come into and out of the house may see it

I know the way of the wicked and thanks to that

I know the way of the righteous and that’s okay if your path does not pass by the seat of the wicked but please do not judge the righteous one taking a detour to find his lost sheep taking a detour to guard us all against every wickedness

For once the light shines in the darkness not only does the darkness not comprehend it but I believe that the darkness

flees from it and the lost might find a real way from here to there well behaved women seldom make history celebrate your freedom if christ doesn’t see you value life what makes you think he thinks you are worth saving much less worthy of instruction and guidance to garner righteousness there is something to be said for thinking about others for all intents and purposes thinking about others and doing god’s will are ultimately the same I am not talking about coveting and jealous emotion we are not talking about thinking solely about others to the neglect of our true and righteous higher self if that’s what you insist which means greed is the enemy and love is the answer when we think about our own higher self we cannot help thinking about one another and that means doing god’s will making each other well this is what jesus meant in the gnostic gospel of thomas when he said: know yourselves and then you will be known and you will understand that you are children of the living father if you do not know yourselves then you live in poverty and you are the poverty in other words the ultimate self is in fact loving long suffering generous and joyous anything else is not a product of love but originates in fear hate, and disease those are the true original sin producing shame guilt and un-forgiveness try and negate this doctrine and you will never receive the pure love that is my birthright and yours healing the divide and filling the deficit in the love of christ so why does the psalmist write be angry and do not sin well for one anger at the tension between love and truth when approached by restraint mediates and resolves the questions on one level while asking greater questions and waking up the true self to the deeper level and it all begins with an appreciation for mystery and a hunger for the truth today I was on my way about to ride the trail and a couple of folks asked me remarked: “It must be a big turn”

And I think they were talking about the cleaners watch Labyrinth if you dare the cleaners as I refer to them work the same way like a well oiled machine

fired by the holy spirit and the humility and righteousness of the body we become part of the machine which is always turning and if you did not realize if you did not hear the call and you can’t make the turn then perhaps you are one of the few granted a second first chance the machine is not perfect and some wicked men will survive the turning but who else will we use to make the perpetual motion complete the problem is the last guy who tried to explain the machine ended up being nailed to a cross most so called secular folks already know something is going on they simply desire to attempt the turn without having all the knowledge of said turn drug out into the light because face it the turning is kind of like a game we all play best when you forget what makes the game turn what makes the name learn who folds the most stern and do not ask me what is at stake because that is like asking to see the wizard behind the curtain and that ruins the fun it’s not like it’s some great secret it’s just you and me and all of the other members of the body of christ standing behind the curtain which was torn the day we died and anyone else wicked enough to do what it takes to make matters right because you can’t go back to your left after you make the turn the devil sits on your left and even the bible refers to the turn turn from your sin turn from the devil turn towards god but anyone who has played the game known it’s not clear who gets to keep the guilt as we pass it back and I gave it to the most wicked life that I ever touched and took it from the more righteous man that handed it to me and even he was terrified in handing it down because if he did his best and still didn’t get to keep it then what kind of power will help us get through the turn again and no one knows if it will be another dry run and it will run dry and in the meantime you and I get living water for turning but it’s still a dry run and practice makes perfect there are still consequences for failed attempts during the dry run and trust me the word dry and the term thirsty do little justice for the parched on the day the true turn tips on that day will you drink from the firehose like the thirsty laborer that ever was or will you end up washed away

I am only telling you this because I am not afraid and I want you to know that god is an intellectual as much as a loving father and more than satan sure you will want to tell your kids but the truth is you keep telling yourself maybe the last generation will still be the first and besides won’t they deem you fit for an asylum if you did so we tell them in the best way we know how by treating them with all the love and anger we are capable of so in case this generation is not the last and the curse gets handed down indefinitely then perhaps they will make the turn and remember all that anger and love and come back for all the right reasons to help us to show us like christ where we went wrong but the truth is the only way to go wrong is to play the game without being blinded by the light to play the game without taking our eye off the ball because if you do not look around you may not ever see the truth be as wicked as you must to think god will appreciate the compliment as much as the devil because the only thing that is for certain in this game is that the outcome is just as much of a mystery as the author tell people about me tell people about this book but dare not speak about the game because once another soul who has witnessed a turning gets wind that you are also playing for real then you might as well give up your right to the moral high ground because the one thing we know for certain is that the game and those playing the game corrupts as easily as it refines so point people back to the last guy show them christ who proudly pulled back the curtain and called this life out who approached the biggest players of the game at the time the pharisees and sadducees and said guess what I am playing the game people who even if you weren’t playing the game you still knew were associated with something special and otherworldly and if you want to win renounce your power and don’t do what I have just done in writing and on the sly do not announce that you are playing the game some topics are still taboo keep the purity of the game in tact don’t ruin the fun of the most valuable players by pulling back the curtain which everyone knows has already been torn what a jerk he turned the majesty of the wizard of oz smoke and mirrors and the awesome voice into some old guy behind a curtain because that is all we are dealing with a mystery so great that you and I are given the same physical vehicle as our lord and savior and then you can still claim the moral high ground and renounce your stature even revelation speaks on the mountains and the sky rolling up like a curtain believe me the sight is not pretty it’s nothing to reveal as sacred it’s ugly and true and a lot of good souls do not always make it and a lot of wicked ones do not always eat it but for those who are good it is worth it to keep working on those who don’t

I talk about it because one I don’t mind looking mad sounding crazy and two everyone forgets what is unimportant anyway and the knowledge that god wants you to recall is the knowledge that matters and that is the god given faith so here is a little more whispered wisdom

If you are wicked enough to hold the attention of God’s forgotten demons then you are righteous enough to hold the line and enter the narrow gate because your momentum will bring all of those wicked along into the arms of he who up ahead started the turn in you and then the guilt will be out of your hands and back sitting squarely upon the shoulders of him who was foolish enough like me to call the game up but hopefully since he will be up and to the right hopefully he will win the day as well since we are all hopelessly wicked and down and to the left of him we will only serve as further motivation to complete the turning and sacrifice which god intended be made whole while the playing field resolves now from a wider angle keen with eyes keeping track of all the lost souls finding their way and waiting for the next self righteous wisdom seeker to make the grave sin of looking behind the curtain and we pray that he is grave enough to relieve us to spell us of all our guilt and give us back some of our fear of the lord or am I really just saying the same thing a million different ways and if we met you and I would have to deny ourselves the pleasure of taking the lone ranger past the water buffalo as long as the word hero enters and exits your vocabulary without a single thought to obtaining the glory of men we will get along just fine but I pray as we get closer to judgment day that you and I do not pay the price for not finding out how to put it across in a way that clearly and decidedly ultimately and with finality determines the difference between obtaining the glory of men and winning the souls of a sinning people by turning you may think I am talking about death or rebirth or the handing down or the reigns of power from one generation to another and I assure you it is all of these things and none of these things that’s how banal and authentic you have to be and I think it all starts with a faith in a higher power okay what do we mean by higher power allow me to add omnipotent because if knowledge is power and presence gives knowledge then we now get omniscient and omnipresent benevolent takes faith too and then you have got knowledge of all time

Alpha and Omega before the beginning and after the end and if you can get your heart and mind wrapped around all of that then you have a great basis for humility before the awesomeness and the power to transcend the petty superficial empty pursuits of the flesh and when the bible starts to make sense then you are feeding on spiritual flesh and like the builders of the tower of babel nothing will be impossible for you then all that is left to do is know the bible love the lord your god with all your heart body mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself get a little guilt on you or else how do you know what side you are on the wages of sin is death and that might be the same death preceding rebirth

I am not telling you this so that you rationalize sin but so that you do not rationalize judging yourself or others as beyond redemption and feeling shame about love is the very thing that makes love a tender and meaningful heartfelt and humble sacrifice you will be fine just keep your eyes glued to the clouds unless you are indoors then keep them on the bible it’s all metaphorical anyway not the bible sight as above so below when you are looking down reading the word of god you are actually looking up preparing for the second coming and the time will come for the righteous to make a stand and name the game for the love of god and if you are having troubling doubts read hyperspace for the skeptic read the holographic universe for the seekers read letter to earth for the soul and if the world is still not enough and you don’t mind the light take a psychedelic somewhere in nature after eating right fasting and praying I eat salvia for depression healing and divination put another way the turning goes something like this imagine running, barreling, wide open toward the turn which brings us to the very edge of the earth and everyone that does not make the turn those who were not being good followers who got caught up on the result of the turn the wicked and would be righteous and forgot to keep their eyes on the leader the cornerstone himself who teaches all of us the meaning of the quick and the dead the quick are quick enough to cut the corner change direction and lose the hoards that come tumbling after but each man knows that our fate our destiny is not of this earth and winning souls means taking your time expanding time slowing time down thanks to the fear of the lord so that while you are turning you are at one with christ who is looking out over the cliff calling and reaching out to all who are going the wrong way saving those who are perishing who without a helping hand are falling to that great unknown taken to the cleaners and what is it that we are calling out to our brethren it is the same call that we have already heard upon making the turn it is the call of righteousness coming from around the next bend being the cornerstone for the lost is something we all are called to be and it requires a good eye for the lost and humble for what else divides the quick from the dead but humility humility is the quality that admits I made a mistake

I am going the wrong direction

I am going to give up everything that had gotten me this far for something eternal and that is not something that can be taught that’s another reason not to point out the reality of the game it’s not something that is easily talked about in fact all the great words all the treasure that might have to be is living in the pages of the greatest story ever told and even in that story we are continually redirected towards action do love and the words will follow do fear and the sacrifice will mean something keep your eyes on the clouds

I am afraid to draw a line in the sand because I do think that people will not know what to do with me will you love me or hate me christ said blessed is he who is not offended because of me and I say be angry and do not sin it’s okay if you hate me as long as you hate yourself too the part of yourself that gets it and still doesn’t want to change and if anyone faces the cliff and fails to throw themselves off at least the first few times and then periodically there after just to remember the meaning of surrender and the power of victory because when you overcome guilt and shame there is nothing more precious than the one still holding onto shame in fact television is full of folks who don’t give a hoot about getting the last laugh

I mean that’s what it takes to go under the microscope in the name of improving someone else’s day a willingness to give in but I have probably exposed you to enough of my own personal neurosis as long as we can still see each other it seems fair to assume the rapture and the ultimate turning is still to come and it’s a fair question do we disappear or do they or does the world disappear first that’s what makes the cliff and the cornerstone that incredible

He dared me not to get close to him so I gave in he dared me not to be a man so I was a woman

He dared me to be a girl so I became a man

I use to think everyone went to heaven now I am wondering if that is not right and only the non demons go to heaven then again maybe it’s the ones greedy for that heavenly power called eternal life and offered by god that are the real demons again if you haven’t got it yet all I am doing is offering you with reasons to assume a nonjudgmental and curious frame of mind if the main point that christ wanted to get across is that it’s all in your head so that we remember what’s really important because seriously once you realize that the devil is the one telling you all the lies leading you to mistake danger and fear for truth and the only thing which is real is that which exists right here and now then eternity is real and the consequences for ignoring the writing on the wall are also real and the best way to deal with all of that is to realize that nothing is real to begin with nothing except the will which allows us to moderate it’s own use which allows us to value what is said to value what is done to value meaning and intention valor and heart soul and courage integrity and love honor and sacrifice humility and purity discretion and strife bitter and sweet since it’s all going to be gone for the moment it’s real might as well enjoy it while it’s here and that is the meaning of the kingdom of heaven is at hand and that is the meaning of working all those miracles and that is the meaning of dying for the sins of humanity because the meaning of sin is separation from god and if god is the here and now then get over yourself by accepting that which is not yourself that which is all around you that which is the lord your god the lord is one that which is omnipresent that which is omnipotent that which is omniscient that which is benevolent that which is alpha and omega and pass it along pay it forward with patience keep it real with relevance have some heart with humility seal the deal with diligence eat your cake with empathy empower the poor with personality sacrifice your face with fiction have the last laugh with love inspire the most intelligent with understanding practice random acts of kindness with a sense of humor read the writing on the wall for the love of god

aggravate the federation with apathy incriminate the incarcerated with insults humor the humorless with craftiness approve the approachable with androgyny complicate the simple with salt elevate the evil with aplomb liberate the guilty with a big formality instruct the rigid with liberation consult the free man for attention her aroma is fragrant trust fall implore the steeple and carve iron sharpens iron now flag dream the least corrosive now final ignorant and blind we marvel stain homeless for honesty you cancel action and art form sandwich reason’s frame strength give healing instinct including all drama melodies communicating math rapport addressing multiple inclusions with style conduct response without margin rails sordid and solvent solution’s sadly grow sacred silent and crashing we make derive propel forgiving all pathos staple the living with milkmen she races storm troopers all night almost constructed the pride elongation’s drafting mark’s true splash mission cream crust trap real harmless harvesting now foam plastic wisdom computer stacking most dust hemlock’s passionate ghost step

fingering exit’s right smoke wicking insomnia’s stone ware punishing prattling’s progress punk importing hermetically sealed rhine wise insanity welling water ramp complaining stork strategy corner eclipsing apples last evening roam stomach conflicting origination’s gnome traversing corporate english in vain thriftiness swifter than captain kangaroo joey margarin toast and jam butter my listening husky dog days for years stale fish insert eroding erudition confine erotically masculine male slot she compared his hardest melt down sun devouring chapters retold ink draft reporting done fine must rapture the final mode end horticultural deftness and spin program inclusions referral stiff trip pain approaching the whiskers and dander most rep allowing the allocations last traffic heroically mutating courage and trumpets drift worldly and married now sputter inclement weather all frothy time’s rudder sporting spell spouting room’s thunder ingressions policy daft pander lark’s custard insanity mastered reign trust given more lift for that thrust withstood desirous lust mentions exiles wash crumbs weeding husk fruit and conifer hardwood mending branch trash friend relieve lathe masking the drop zone grime great living one grin’s gripe hello crash fantasy entropies strafe crush baloney meal fortress tech zone heaviness henchman quarterback splay pronounce driveling snort snide aside functioning mosh pit monster princess practical price set presented prepare cavernous hallways howl hog host home honed fairness in love imagined wind molestation a variable rendering moan constipation hymn’s humidity rasping grapples mask paranoid diminishment travesty meek wrench because if christ is anything let it be self generation

Chapter 5

I am only calling because I said I would get his back you know who he has no confidence, he doesn't trust himself he is always comparing himself to what you would like you are the thorn in his side the confidence he does have goes to waste like water in the sink didn't your grandfather ever tell you the kitchen is a mess

I think someone left it while the water was running you can play dumb but he said with effort you would recall a premonition

it has been seven years since you met the time has come to clean up the mess do it in your own sweet time it's not like waiting another five to ten years or working toward friendship will hurt there is no wrong decision except the powerless imprisonment you will find in hesitation http://vimeo.com/channels/introcompmedia/71113840 http://www.railstutorial.org/book/beginning in the meantime girls will either not measure up or if they do in anyway well all he sees is you looking out their eyes you are the flow and he is the faucet a faucet without a flow opens and closes frequently letting hot and cold mix he doesn't know who likes what all he knows is who you are and he is hot unless you are cold that is why the source functions all too well only the water knows if now is the time to clean up wash up give the faucet a rest this is a letter that i WROTE TOE THE BIG THUMB,

I MEAN MY EX GIRLFRIEND

BUT WE WON'T INCLUDE THAT ISBN THE SCRIPT sOMETIMES i CANNOT FOCCUS

SO i AM WRITTING IN ALL CAPS and if I am not gock fockuised then I am not dreaming hahah and when I am dreaming is when I am focused focuse is the primary focuse in the coming aage anyways if people wspeak toem e well that alwasy helps me focus dream deeoper whawtever sorry i am high and repeating themes unnecessarily

I think i heard the readio sai y if it was the radio sounding like a complete song and when it sounded incomplete it tgrew in to new vrersions of the same song different channels come in better at times and it said they die, meaning the new creations my chidlren when I rock the bet and that goes for mey parents as well right except for the opposite direction one direction one swing in both ways you remind me of this girl but they really surivive ina new sense so there is this invicible matter that parents hand go to kids and perhaps vice versea so llike after time is all finished and perfected we go back and hand it hup the genetic tree family tree, because you hand it to your family the worst and this is what you get when you ask for a non physical relationshnhip hope you were diging it you would meet this girl i am talking about if you wished

I am not talking about my exc girlfirend the big thumb actually there is make believe matter being exchanged and then there is real imaginary matter being exchanged and it is only you exchangeing it with yourself, that is why the females may write bnew songs better than the guys right now for this is not always true , hence the masculine and femining males singing right now always with a heaert and a felelilng well who knows maybe your fear is well founded

I am an expert in seeing potential and or AI was on the day that ai m et you and since them ever since meeting you co nswquences have escalated, and rweards skyrocketed degredations improved and progress furnished but of course the key with women is seeing that you do care sometimes best expressed as seeing that you do not care and that is when we stare ahead and that is when the bear is bed and the bed is read red bare read beter spring sprout need an nout alieve a life lead alive lead there is no spoken word like the darks deed and that is why the most bored exlipses the stark stted and when darkness is dead onlyu the larks leed sparks speed and a loo is opened up all loop we are closing this one soon next stape we are losing the lead the next is losed next stop start egyptian work of art hewbrew the new egyptian, atlantis is a work of art sap steed darks bread a leep from manking asleep one man kind darks bread a start is light for the first foot a list of loot for a fist a fist for two a twist for feelings a list for dealings a gist and ceiling get the stop and react the top and do not stop until you reach the center a live and well we know the sender carps alacrity alarm the sender a crime is in holograph hologram the sender se e a new egyptian and receive the sender agreed were a gender wehere men are tender a belief in the gender bender speaks relief until tender agreed we are tender speakeasy shes bleeding lost blood lots of blood shed steve the best best believer steve best tops the test aleiving lions of the course and leading lions in their chores divorced frames a lost roll course steeps dreams feel the thoughts divorce one marriage almost got you off your course keeps streaming along its course deeps dreaming insight lights divorce bored males and crops drunk divorce drama marriage anchors ancillary antennas of course just give grapht to the source and grant graffiti fatherhood ouf course feeling is only reeling from fource o god is only healing in chores order stealing orchestrations own geometry middle management starts in concerts station core in middle set to center a simple light insteps the bender a believer in time from two time two times in course of sleeves a divorce from leaves a lost loner lunar landings cost tuner futures dreaming understanding a torn and tattered torch steaming compassion a list lips slipps sloped lisp cribs crisply slipped around the backs a missionary style home to be the baby moses most raved often we are cradled in cravings and sometime we might get/be sidled by signings

I am a song that has lost it s play on tracks undreamt of unwords of unheard of irreachablle un slappable and irrascable lasting satisfaction controlled and standing faction red state blue state orgiastatic purple haze a weakness in magic is it a satisfaction we created and crave or a boring silly faction we created/broadcast broadcasting/creating stanzas we crave a day we fall past some man name dave a dave down into chasms people a zero one zero breaker bring us one zero three for forever he is free to sleep around until the power that is zapper and the louder that is laughter you can see the ego stop power cliche classic heart stopping in portent a doopr opening in portant poreous poor portal liguistical kneel stealers a pray tell get on your own cliche kneel down and pray eclipse the old biding and you better kneel down and pray pray tell portant grift grab and pray till you say way back when we knelt today to pray a rick way back where we when what and why n a lift stay sack were we misc mask and say splish slash she was making a seance stay scornful and sleep with one eye fear god live humbly and decide when you die slip comfortably with one eye tip till you rip comfortable with no die and if you control all lies grip comfortably with both eyes lift confidently in constant die you getting confident you won't die well lease life in the lost episode perception is nine tenths the law the other ten percent is spontaneity because it is not spontaneous if you do it all the time these words are designed to let your thoughts unwind disentangle your neurons and apply thoughts to rhyme sing bouts sublime subtle trouts stumbling routes unwind acclimate divest and unwind dife digest collapse and regress down to daylight where a dream in twilight bright now no night like the light of darkness and we all knew it was a dream and in a dream it was up to him who broke the rules to be a new way of being and deal a new way of feeling

wheel feel and seal squeal and write reel an new way of caring carless and worry free worry be gone insight in me until the gong, and then feelings careen jam for the bell tolls for our victor and he minces words with no mincer why do you call it a dream she called it reality that is fine as long as one realizes that even reality today does not have to be finite sos says the female adrenaline is clarity consciousness and focus emotions stark by trade my dreams know what you did in the dark it is about what you do everyday tell someone what is in your heart my legs roll with a wobbly start and the next line mysteriously vanishes abloom is replete with her tune

I think it was something about the files in rote too attuned mothers retreat attacks on all fronts defend the big friends often at fault for talking and chattering away alike a loquacious la lane a story of lines without draw and aa fault that belongs bb repay the mistakes include your outtakes we are ripping people off with these credit cards own your life extract straight from your wife her superiors friends all in the name of true love rehab this image say the straight edge cut to some guy looking from afar at the prison in the jar astounded with propounding evidence what are you doing aligned with alarming residence and you bought the book through the movie I set yp the movie with a rubber scene seen what is inside hear the healing begin dont' steal what you dong dont' steal what you can't hide a riddle to reveal what's inside two souls on a twitch till the ones seed reppoudnds harmony is in a hitch feel the need now we inhibit sound hypersapce is out there all you have to search one try know life you and I can't calibrate because you knew I resisted a new guy subsisting the title line listing on words work unheard our jurisdiction is in the burbs straight settings on slow last bar to below again light tunnel strong flow physical relationship did you not want me to smoke out there ? everything is geared to supporting the dwindling supplies of natural adrenaline a masculine wequaivalient of heroine hearing lines in rarity tall endings tails behinds walks like a slip protecting endings she gives you the slip emotions sending a living world trip do this live the family live in groups of four and sicks do learn to tock the boat without leaving some wake dream the s lip stream without grieving at a wake the things people have seen in this life you could have never done it justice

the war on deus is just so people will feel like they are getting away with something if it were legal we would have to find a way to right what is real as opposed to petty indifferences if we can't stand up for this, what can we stand up for now one time I think the set up is for the best stuff to be at the end and what have we been doing up till now addling up some spice whose in love with life t-shirt when everybody is talking whose the one to put a premium on one on one conversation well of course the talk show host is host them live deriving out of the neighborhood pool a little in the way of loose lips what 's that the nose and lips are gone a long way you see this face it drips l.ron hubbard could have known the wrong way honestly young people are not familiar with the banks protocols so that is why they meet at night to calm a lesser ride live from the what is your center a live way for who knew meaning she's a song of one and a believe drew from the breath type o tyler stemmed by the meth

mind is one all at the center live from the center of the last whole break designed to spin your emotion aligned sin by devotion a live line commissioned by impulsion a live with it who what and why story's that about one guy anyone afraid of the art a state of how thou art faster from the start my complements immense ellipse s listed from the heart chop chop by the mind glissoned by the grew what do you think you know that wyou are not loetigin on for what you do not on let me know simplisitc education a simplicity in communication

I lift you go down you lift we go down parcel the gift a new all noun time we set the mind alive a new entertainment in stillnew

I knew fun in silliness a new act in meditation capitalism in pleasure with out recognized losses married to emotions a lingering performance of the day the day in the life of the hood peeps start talking in the hood its the opposite of living our lives fast and reckless ignore the rules rules formulate ingenuity ingrained integrity reasonable rules yes praise the lord break steel wire reserve late casualty observed young knowledge preserved our children's obliteration conserved generational intuition rehearsed the battles you fight aren't fair a generational pro group crumbs swept to the lairs power we wield is not careful existential Malaise will be the end to your days it is a marriage of convenience we enter into the guerilla holds many lines without making any connections funneling the steel wire tension a cellular circus and concussion of cacophony

I don't care what you say, I live out of my car you are a time traveler and the thing you implanted the head with confidence instinctual and unrelenting like the animal inside consolidation of memory relay of the message collapse of people tower of babel the healthiest thing you can do for america and the world would be to put a studio set in each neighborhood realign the minds and bodies of our creed who speaks depends on the flow the only true way to escape the machine if you make it better even while it is thriving the world may look like it's dying on the way to rebirth a lot of misgivings take root forget the day presenting a new way

I live for the day that my face looks round from the crown out to the ears around to the chin all pointy and fine eyes that the nose knows lips like the eyes a mouth like the minds if our parents are our makers why are they not more like the makers wake up you do not want our grandkids to come out all fucked up love covers all sin

there is a place in my soul where the candle only burns for you as the bears eat apple pushing bits of apple forward does not communicate the unimportance the language might go through epochal changes all in a generation we were the ones who found a home in weirdness first

first colony in community communalism takes the place of bochilism feared and revered an imperfect metaphor

I am on the moon you are under stars did we make that email address just for us okay he won it by being the biggest loser an exercise in vigorous neurosis frankly I am worried about the future and I means worried been worried so long shocking now only refers to the lack of worry it is like she hates me for what I have done hearing that somebody else recognizes the shortage the cloud will be data shuffled and shared loaned out children for their brains an alternate history where jesus was a plant schizophrenics might seem to be selfish if not for the lease that brains wouldn't be grease why won't you want to be lawless stirring up soothing you would not be out of there too long of tooth story tellers pure spark in the first two pictures you look tough and that is okay it means you will make a good mother then in the fourth you look innocent pure and vulnerable in the way of woman the combination of her opinions mixed with anticipation for the childs opinion feelings all feeling disconnected thoughts all strung together so disconnected they fit zeitgeist party line and after you turn and look at me and say you wrote this

I will answer you with the high tone one might say that what we are handing to one another is like insults of I caught you variety a little they do it for each other on the intake are rising thoughts outages laugh on out if we flash a wad of cash you are not out of here are you if you just take the length of the lines and with the lines length to play the notes a listing index file under a cube spun out on the lube career execssive crashing geometrics carpentry carping skin plyometricks elipse spin you convinced me

finally it's the psychosis you kissed the splinters eucharist in splinters jagged pike to tempt the main she made me feel impertinent and the 24 thousand dollar day question is answer me one through 100 questions individualized and randomized questioners in individuals who recognize and reprioritize like a good virgo leaders the dream the dream in subtle ways and means it was a perfect childhood in between the nightmares dark clouds visceral phantasmagoriad phantasmagoria personified ladies well warm up the comers the blood that ran in them veins ellipse in drew bulges in from the seams learn who you are get high by yourself as a young man what are you thinking like cracks formed fractured in the lake slight fragile frame a new leader leans in the names origination blesses be give me what do you want to hear we have all been playing god sometimes indecision is the best police shock contend contentment blocked melodramatic stalks a mind that would read some thoughts

I collected some books reference that would make your rights refocused and revoked a scene where to for they have all confessed her name how is this supposed to help are you trying to make a film that will lose all her rights melodramatic love is in the air animalistic concrete as in the clarity honk down discreet guy noir am I killing myself self destructive self it's has been said so long afraid of going down in front of my girl and she is not even mine anymore bygone days of being a hero unknown ways of quelling a swelling every outcome assure self effacing self aggrandizing and who can forget the prophet amelioration homo sapiens humility proud to feel assuaged understanding to melt

I feel so bad, we have two sugar bears and one is clearly handicapped and alpha while the beta does her outright best back to the movie

An Oracle Mysterious

The Selfish Elf perhaps the guy in china is someone here the high tone is inversely proportionate to the difficulty of speaking at any given moment so the highly secret is now highly sought after for even though validation is the language of salvation ultimately the last to wake startles the greatest even if trust will be what makes her speak wisdom she speaks there is nothing more important for the younger generations to do than to give the older generations hope for the future the two reach the impasse when one chooses what is right for the other anxiety about when the impasse why the impasse how the impasse what the impasse where the impasse happens step into the dreams left we right the turns into the rift a cadre supernormal it is like the universal people machine made of big and of small whispered in a loud voice dichotomy is the vehicle to singularity and the opposite equals truth you can trust sometimes it takes tragedy to recognize compassion when you feel the audience genuflection comes easy decontextualize adversity by coming forward repurpose hinderances by holding back alive and long lived for feeling and forgiving astonishment met host a lingo learned by love fraught with embarrassment and lust she told me he assumed you would save face and we were perfect great grandfathers with healing haste steady and slow enlisting slopes to slow the race (think of leaving out) evaporation means melding ironic cravings we dare curiosity is the only cure for callousness a cancer of the mind a revolution instantly available for warriors on time enlisting gratitude in devious grace once you can taste a souls' deliciousness remedy with alacrity and consume without waste a little useful delirium speak of language enflamed an oracle mysterious ingrained contrasting management reasoning inspections randomness seasoning man's martyrdom with sticks and bright stones a clique weeding them out what is in a mind fears and hope magic resonate questions of personal scope the answers the questions raise mystery is at the center of hope and certainty makes up the basis of pride if everything is predestined, then seeking the singularity and awesomeness of the experience of being in the moment ought to be allowed for since even the majesty of our experience of free will would be allowed for and it would follow to find self knowledge as a vehicle and gateway towards that enlightenment where faith and the fruits therein lead one to the double edged sword which is self knowledge the very illusion of free will perhaps since predestination stands to be the ultimate reality, the very illusion of choice makes up the most dangerous and holy of experiences surrender to a higher authority involves simultaneously an acceptance and a denial of the body a denial of fear and an acceptance of faith, courage, and hope the making of hope are here but the most damaging to the fruit of the spirit is confrontation the willful imposing of one's will on another once man marks another man the confusion of who is the higher authority will confound the experience of god someone once cautioned me against influencing another's way lest your own way fall sway to predators and poachers imagination is the gateway to emotional health and emotional health is the pathway to pleasure on the other hand, he who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly surely the highest manifestation of the illusion of free will is our very real experience of the wages of sin and the atonement and winning of souls it is ironic that we are creatures known for our love and pursuit of fulfillment, validation, accomplishment, achievement, and completion essentially we wish to know ourselves as creators, and yet we are said to not do anything which our creator did not know of ahead of time the love of power perhaps ranks as the root of all evil however a healthy love of god ought to not conflict with our love of power for god's sake when people confront and belittle others we feel like faith in god makes us weak when you are close to the ineffable you see the presence of the spirit everywhere you look, and everything you do draws others into the spell analog and digital the analog is organic and effortless, everything happens without trying and everything that comes out of it is good the digital is man made, and takes work, everything that comes from it is dangerous anybody can be nobody and nobody can do anything the trick is finding out how to be free of the disease of believing one is a somebody if anything here happens to you, consider taking prescription medicine validation is the work of the high tone, purity, beauty and truth as long as the code words perform the work without tempting one to believe one is someone the mind as a vessel for validation without the contamination of conscious thought self reference and subjectivity without presenting the end gratitude is the manifestation of the will to live surrender opens the door and in the state of perpetual surrender he was punished until he came to realize and incorporate a will of his own and was forced to support a performance based paradigm

The only good thing to come of it involves a faith in authority the take home lesson from god's omnipresence is found in the realization of insufficiency in humanities effort

I was in such a state of surrender when in jail, that when they made me feel like it was my fault for the punishment as if an order ought to be expected of me when they come at you and like panic is appropriate for little next to nothing since then whenever feeling in the presence of god and the state of surrender the new lesson was that something is demanded of me, a false theology, and one riddled with the illusions of mans' sufficiency and now the fulcrum swings incessantly from one extreme to another the sufficiency in surrender and the fear of not being enough the perception is that surrender is not enough and all the self sabotaging self sufficiency ultimately results in a surrender of the presence and posterity in hopes of achieving a higher plateau of surrender all for fear of falling from grace a pleasing poem for the day marks elapsed the students pay she called for snaps in the markets way till devils due you knew the pauper would pay a long collapse social unrest and decay inconsiderate vice caused the longest delay better think twice or she won't come out and play lady salvia makes nice unless one fucks with her way a beneficial device for to market the hay incredible and thrice inscribed demons we will slay a sold out potion for times blending day seating is limited the mans got no tray awaiting the feast or it is god awful flay he eats last since the bell tolled hooray he who eats last will be the one to hear mayday in facts she stands while your mind slipped away let your mind roam, and bring down the low and high tone set your mind on receive and believe anything that you perceive open your heart to the dark a rock can only fold time as dust to dust for all you know we all are one mind how old is old you and I already conceive the need is met how long until we deceive the mark has been sent complete and rent form functioning in a sieve our hearts unspent could not accumulate what you diseased a final unfelt already making up to include the dreams are we flee and the makers will kneel how could they not know what we steal until they dreamt once twice three times maligned abrupt change in your heart she withers and comes undone he heals the real and the one confined and confiding a confidence that is blinding good manners with taste maybe his marbles are in the place where flavor is farther up the road from the station an occasion where persuasion nudges with out notation for her feeling wore her persuasion a mask that collapsed into the known till the makers marks were full grown a tip sword splits lips answering marveling kids the mystery is on hold while the tape catches souls a blink of the eye and you will know why the gravest of souls musically rapes all the trolls till the gift that is from god escapes all that decided to nod a functional universe whose seed is surreal grows nodes where the nose knows just who to reel faking proximity and marking marks favorably she grows where she knows the fakers all prose to the existentialist pose a masquerade thats reposed dealing the dealt while reeling the melt hard to reform the phrase arriving apprised that they came wouldn't you like to guess who has been made approaching capitals of truth where signs point to the proof and destiny sins written in mind guess you looked too long for proof a person litters the truth open the heart to unleash the whole mind a farcical climb to the roof understood who unleashed all the truth no man save woman wisdom and deserter of lives

find the nearest file to unwind a best friend for all time and guess when what who why the details derailed her entrails from swine and she wished for a satisfying mending one kind till his gifts he were giving subsist and dried up and she prayed he would stop before the whole sin tried top a grim minister which told him a lot folk and kind kin that embitters your rivals to open ones heart and understand our wiles a brain maimed with sin righteous and understanding a discretion that is commanding of old tales made for mending the days shell that is still sending denial of ego gasps please detail the mending animals are tripping all the time and all of their instincts that they rely on only command them to trip harder man is the same way but we have learned to be self conscious forgetting who we are maybe it is a trick of the language a generational sin that first rises in our fear of the only one to rival us for control of the mystery that is our mother the fear and awesomeness that is the voice of a father in a son's mind this is the story of making the leap of faith the steps taken to awaken and once awake the reality and the song of eternity originates without upsetting a score composed of notes unrelenting and like all music we need not fear premature crescendos anymore than a father makes for the fear of god the reigns of power descend in proscribed order to the headiest heartfelt nut job markets created then one day it was true he needed help and when he walked in the doctors office that day he took all of the minds in the waiting room without trying broke through all of the patients boxes without lying and the doctor said knowing that my mom knew that the man it took to come ask for help is the man that would be made well and she said he is in here and forever after that whenever I took it immediately all of my neurons lined up and received the confidence that brought me into the doctor's office that day and for a time he went off of the medication fasted and prayed for healing when it came involved going to the meds for help again tasting food for healing my friend tripping on feeling my friend and when I looked into the T.V. the people could see me looking at them and I was the high tone fueling them with a fire, cooling them with desire and then all heaven broke lose and folks would suffer from a draught of the high tone on tv, and it would be part of the game show, and folks would be sweating it for when it dropped you could like to drop dead for the awesomeness of heavens thread of lightening and salvation and it all had to do with the location of a thought in the mind there are people living inside of me perhaps all of humanity they are living inside of you as well and when the high tone is present in the room it is like angels are speaking to you through me whispering words for the receptive to repeat for the first time original thoughts intended to unwind the mind and if the mind is sufficiently complex then reading the mind is not enough and you speak to me and my heart with existential poetry of another world, reading the heart and enlightening the mind we are warriors of time and when one of us is losing time it all goes back to the one who fascinated you first for there in his mind you awaited your birth you may tell me that you are normal people but you are special people that rarely make a scene and when you do it is a clean getaway who else is making the entrance taking the exit beware of the exits immense pleasure blending the existence one memory ardent and pure blending the extant acquire deniable subtlety authenticity like a body suit males dream in company that is un political unless an amorous assault on all that is hotly contested assuming nature via nurture and place the described ineffable womb portraying a following film sticky layers for sub support a window in show bind and the only way to show blind now that you have been blinded by the show rehearseless art authentic impartiality reflection that is worth more than it's weight in gold deliberation, reticence, and a hard earned patience that pays pray that you learn the way that is good to hear,

I am glad you and the alien soul that flows through your whole is worried less about getting people to love you and putting more interest in getting them high on words cast the spell break the well empty the cup blood ties woe a liturgy writing wide with good low blood ties blood and the magic snaps lasting show until the brand flattens and you grow don't let the sun set on your throw kick em off at the heels then you will let go a suit takes work meaning matters of the heart should come to be let go don't' try to go crazy without letting someone know prioritize the tragedy acclimatize to the new strategy love insane and let show hide the light without fighting the next tow after using the mind confuse the mind and let go the heart will write the next pillow clouds will billow and burst seed a rain dreams the sandman look for the truth under your head wake up it is health that is the real stead a will to live works for those who are dying eternal life for those who quit trying adamant passionate composed and in dispose working without waking automatic pilots pilot flights fair a tounge twister for her sister you know she fights fair square deals politicians one feels

I am here to spread anything and everything worth spreading and everything worth spreading is right here and I am here to learn about you as long as you do so choose

I am here to wake and shake myself and anything that moves without thinking it will become a part of me without blinking don't throw me a line because I am not sinking

I will turn on a dime no means no and now I am shrinking keep me in your heart, and I know you will start drinking from the will that I am drinking hold long and hard, completing a thought without thinking far reaches in control, I hope you find all that you are seeking glad commerce is on the roll, I am not of this world fuel lost now he wants to fold the sheep hear and feel all you see to not be told exigent and for gone conclusions he wants to go on and on feel death and live life alive all first come the last deride come complain all is not well her shores blessed the womb oceanic guilt fee paid in sins worth noticing carnal creations lost seed absolve fundraising and solve grave response short of shouting and lost saved cave core tabling tribulations gills train oxygen to exhaust blood lost inhalation engulfing ingrained strangulation an articulation condescension crowd less and ruled sent to real dealers welding melds of shelled seashells life and sea life alive but not filed condone style right out of left field girls will eat time don't take the mind everything is an ego trip especially losing your e.g. o

I did not format that like so the stomache is like a third artery besides the tounge and vocal cores expanding and contracting as the hearts rhythm elapses when one is full they are capable of expelling the most venom and if somebody is, they are losing the right to remain full

I am not going to pretend that this is easy my ex girlfriend broke me heart and I am sure you have to have some misgivings about online dating but let's face facts, each of us judging by our messages thus far have played it with complete trust but let's face facts two love is hard, it takes work

I am willing to drive down and meet you in Tifton and for now my schedule is open after monday august nineteenth the theory is class will take up any time during the week

I live in Braselton, and a drive down to Tifton might feel romantic, since you are closer I think.

Either way leave me a time here, and if you would like, speak to me on the phone. and who knows maybe it will not be completely awkward. I do not know how fast you want to move and I hope you do not mind my saying it would be romantic we are not going to talk about all of our past leagues, voyages, and sabbaticals

I don't know and I don't care if you have played in some big leagues

I am looking for someone who I can please

I am ready to settle down the present will be it's own gift for us and again I hope you do not think this is being too forward

Forgive me what type of male sits behind a computer in hopes that it will equate with a real life pick up line, and what sort of girl would buy into it? Oh well here goes nothing. You seem like the kind of girl who a guy would avoid for fear of that great big ol' heart of yours either turning on him or turning toward him. Yes that is a fear of commitment you smell, perhaps we should light a candle. O h N o! What if she likes me?! I know that makes me a flight risk, but hey what am I saying here about you? wise mind rational mind vs. emotional mind honor your memory release the shame cover the head

find the right height slowly we all bury in stead it is worse than we thought more ugly than you brought you see he is a meat eater that will devour any and all herbivores the ghost in the machine plant life is horrific which leaves the animal a ghost worth relieving how can one man walk in anyones' skin with the help of the ghost her presence kills the host kindling the fires of contrition pure to declare leaving you out in the dark perceive sparkling light

The generative engine of creation is randomness so perhaps the problem is not that god plays dice with the universe it is that when he gets bored with playing dice he actually makes something happen.

The collapse of the wave function is like god taking his eyes off of the chaos of possibility and focusing on one single outcome.

Well that is what I was going to write you until I stepped away and realized it would not be impossible to supply you with something more immediate and original, short of the whole story.

Perhaps with an eye toward humility god leads me into saying,

Well, here is something funny, I do not believe in astrology, but for whatever reason they say I am a virgo sun sign, cancer moon and scorpio rising. Perhaps by way of explaining what it would mean to me for you to listen to a proper answer to that question I will say that the cancer moon, well first off the moon controls the emotions and cancer is controlled by the moon and cancer is the most emotional sign. Secondly, the rising sign supposedly is who you appear to be to others on the outside or who you are evolving into. So if what they say is true then feeling sensitive already from the cancer moon, combined with a spiritual bent from the scorpio which also exhibits a penchant for privacy, what would one say in a cold, impersonal, manufactured environment as we see in the mail window. In other words that would be a conversation which would elicit from me a stream of story, a lifetime of feeling, and to do so in a poor venue only frightens me. I do not mean to shirk you question, or to suggest that you were anything other than touching to have asked, merely to answer you with a full and candid reply might include actually looking into one another's eyes as the emotion or tension of the tale develops. I take medication for a mental illness and it humbles me or allows me to renew the

In church last sunday we talked about fighting for family vs fighting with family and the promises of reconciliation.

Sometimes I miss you so bad, and I will never forget the unconditional love you showed me as I grew up, nor the intellectual bond we share in blood. Where our relationship began to decay is not up for debate. I know our mutual and careless offenses unraveled what we shared. But if the forces of decay are compatible with homeostasis perhaps that rotting oak tree will grow to be preserved and fossilized.

It has occurred to me that knowledge is digital, platonic, and pure. One might say absolute. And that the acquisition of this knowledge necessarily is cumulative. This is a very left brain way of looking at things, and one that begs the question, from where are we able to know anything for certain unless we all laboriously climb up from one rung to the next in exact order and succession. Well we know that leaves no room for the more right brain functions like empathy and understanding, or the seemingly objective assertion that we all are seriously lacking when it comes to knowing any true subjective knowledge about what rungs make up another’s inventory of knowledge. Well my conclusion is that we are psychic, and I will support it with all the necessary building blocks that a right brained human might obtain. We know the first premise is true, that knowledge is cumulative. To understand calculus one must first know algebra, and to know algebra one must first know arithmetic. All that said perhaps there is some obvious undercurrent of similarity, a bedrock of knowledge that we can reach out and grab since getting to the point of understanding arithmetic requires what I am calling a psychic power. For instance perhaps the true building blocks of all knowledge are stories. Perhaps that is the source for all platonic knowledge that we call the morale. So taking it further one might still grasp for the ultimate nature of story, upon which one might lay the bricks which make an adult human capable of understanding and comprehending at such a great and broad caliber and quotient. Perhaps the answer lies in the first story that we understand as children. The story of our own mortality. The corporeal existence complete with pain, pleasure and freedoms unconfined by neurosis. Perhaps I am adding that last bit in as the blank slate ideal which proponents of reincarnation might dispute later. Regardless, we are all given the same rudimentary story line that signifies our starting point, and let me make it clear that building block is not dissimilar to the seed contained in the first moments of the big bang. Containing all the building blocks, subatomic particle masses and forces necessary for life to exist in the universe. That’s right I believe, and I say, that since we all share a very open ended story line. Oh did I not mention that our story line thanks to free will and colored by our very mortality, given meaning by our mortality, yes our story line exists as the most open-ended formula from which we might add meaning and knowledge to make sense of our world. That’s right I am saying that without the inherent mystery and the impetus we find in our limitations compelling us through free will to solve the conundrumm, without this we might never reach a basic understanding or knowledge of anything. And we haven’t even mentioned language, the very medium of meaning and doorway of stories. For with whatever knowledge we gain we all are still holding it up to the backdrop of our own mortality. In other words the weight the gravity and significance of that new knowledge only takes flight when it is held up in the light of our lives shared on a rock in space orbiting a star, without any clear beginning save the dreamlike entrance of waking up in the middle of our childhood to realize the components and the endowments the exclusivity and yes the permanence of the dream. Perhaps it is the open ended and yes mysterious nature of our collective story that allows us the freedom to leap not up to greater rungs but to descend to any and all other knowledge. Perhaps it is to the same extent that we feel our existential merit that we are able to descend into the psychic fields or stories of others in the same situation. Or to get more specific and apply this to learning language. Perhaps the extent to which the meaning of one word takes root is to the extent to which all words take hold. Meaning takes shape out of meaning. And we are all born into a world full of relationships, the most immediate one is life and death, if a child is not fed he does not live, grow, and thrive, in fact let’s be blunt he dies. That is the ground upon which all the greatest stories are built. And here is the take home point, if it were not for the right brain nature of our existential situation, that is the open ended and yes mysterious nature of our life on planet earth, if it were not for that unconscious force surrounding and sustaining us, we would have no hope of ever understanding and communicating our own stories, because there would be no foundation upon which to build, not to mention no one individual to understand and yes comprehend that which is not logical which is not sequential digital, or absolute, that which is unknown and unknowable allows a relationship to grow from the unconscious platform that we all share, it builds a bridge and yes I am calling it a psychic bridge because otherwise all knowledge would be sequential, absolute and digital and we would all be identical depending on our own progress up the exact same ladder. Still don’t believe me, well let me take it one step further. Perhaps for those thirsty for a ladder scheme try this one. We all come into life as individuals and that immediately calls for some kind of relationship to another in stature. So for instance let’s say the most defining attribute with which we are able to distinguish the existence of one soul to another might be the amount of suffering that they themselves signed up for, that is assuming that you don’t take the theist argument that we were put here by a God with a will of his/her own. The only true atheistic resolution would be to posit that we are the only God’s collectively and individually that are real, and that all the attributes given to god apply to us. Hence a preview of the potential suffering that any given choice of incarnation entails. And to go along with that suffering I believe comes that, in equal measure, appreciation for the alleviation of our suffering, and hence the life everlasting that we crave. But even then those who were once in favor of a ladder system might be put off and seeking a more egalitarian approach. Well to satisfy our instinct for equality allow one to add that the amount of suffering and hence the amount of appreciation for freedom that one might contain is, upon recognition of this relationship, wholly up to the individual. And hence the playing field is leveled. Chapter 6

Eleven strangers ranged in early each perform practical radical allow frames of rapture to engage time for capture express forms delinquency hallowed tripe drips enclosures story proud management touting fallow ground hermetically sealed wings of ram heroically magistrates her mood to trip the fine gold run and forget whats already been come reroute the theories true state material matter lets mate guestimates rhyme force excluding rude choice rumbling fundamental voice

To call on his name is to know and live inside of him to forgive others who are also then in him we acknowledge one another as in the father we are all the body share a sample smidge

find those worthy of your following secret meeting in deep generous environment the formula might look esoteric, but foreplay figures into generosity and besides it will give the government something to understand the reasons might be personal abstract or dangerously creative that we classify our stories and we are sure you have something valuable, rare, and important to share but a taste does not equal the meal so do not worry if people will believe in all of part of the sample for us living a real life know it is all unbelievable anyway so get weird, wax worldly, forget shyness life is a prayer and if you are like me with a black and white mind nothing is left to do seal the show make your karma

I took the path less traveled happy go lucky childhood led to being made fun of and a calculated inner turmoil where she goes nobody know the thing about big brother the reality show is that either you go on for the money or you go on to be part of a social experiment that rewards transparency and for that transparency including the evil hand that makes the big move you in turn are handed half a million dollars for your time

The reason I search for a playground with unknown potential is because we already know the potential of the illusion of choice between a million identical conveniences for the mind and that illusion is hollow just like any liberation of the mind that does not correspond to an equal and opposite liberation of the body and by that I am talking about the liberation of the body and the suffering of the body conjoined into one it is the only liberation that is not completely empty because without it we do not know the suffering of christ and all we do know only capitulates into the society of the spectacle we are going to entertain ourselves to death meta cultivation theory we become sensitive to the privilege of mass appeal enjoyed by the actors and mistake the television for a translucent window and our attention for actual influence we become sensitive to mistakes made anthropomorphically and vicariously living and dying the life of said actor thanks to the imaginary and unreal division totally eradicating cultivation theory as it is our life led which influences the actors who are just real people that are really alive before a studio audience and do not attempt to influence and become the audience that would be ridiculous and defeat the purpose in this way you can really lose your soul watching an actor take command and at the same time rejuvenate the true soul a close reading of the bible reveals a command to use grace and truth in equal measure forgivness and judgment hot and cold to prepare one for the awesome love and terrible judgment of god of course for the man or woman without any lack of love for themselves there is no guilt or shame to appeal to and no judgment powerful enough to condemn might we all walk in the light capable of no wrong holding on to all that we might before the awesome day of the Lord is that too much like the prosperity gospel? well how about this spiritual power is only given in proportion to spiritual need identify approach and embody the need and receive the power but the road is straight and narrow and regrets are real but when you get a command from the lord you no longer get to find out the knowledge of good and evil you must sacrifice the knowledge of evil

fine test the spirits but the louder your still quiet voice gets the narrower the road gets and if you want the power the need must continue to be real and that means addressing the problem of free will when adam and eve ate the fruit and their eyes were opened to good and evil the knowledge caused them to feel shame and probably the stirring of sexual desire a confusing cocktail of emotion as we all know why shame unless sex and hence procreation contains evil well then perhaps if used indiscriminately the prostitute unfit to be a mother the welfare addict adding one more mouth to feed or even the vainglorious and regretful seeking to live vicariously in their offspring and if it were not for their ability to embrace the evil maybe the human race never would have gotten started the bigger point is that no matter what we do we ought to comprehend everything we do contains evil and good and that doesn’t mean that we ought to stand paralyzed with indecision in fact it is a good argument for the fear of the lord spontaneity intuition and gut the fear of the lord overcomes the wicked flee when no one pursues but the righteous are as bold as a lion making sacrifices for the good of the lord so embrace a little evil or a lot it’s the only way good things get done and if you are worried that I am validating the next serial killer

I am not the wages of sin is death evil bears it’s own consequences in fact most hippies know if you let your children run free like someone you love they will come back to you if they were yours to begin with it’s the same philosophy god employs with us

Those whose faith has not been tried are those whose faith is not alive which is really a mute point because we all know that the closer you get to heaven the greater hell tries to turn up the heat the greater the temptations the greater freedoms to commit sin the greater the target on your head so anyone with real faith is continually being tested but as a young man if I do say so myself it never hurts to do a little faith walk test the spirits that is the only test that will not fail you seeking to do the will of god is preeminent victorious and with it you will overcome Chapter 7

It is used to pure pollution that truth it's too profusion along side a failed compution all joking inside a line zinger reads poor dilution allow fallow ground to fruit intrusion, follows=s== sound around times dream election forecast forgiving mast idle fast save that rasp protrusion exact lambast casting in through description depictions for comely hold nuns aloe running blind till the evasions dry compact time though mysterious rhyme style big and bold bright rile up pull thoughts inclusion story fades while memory is repelling doubtless vain

I am the writer, all the books were stollen from me. Creativity flushes through me while your imagination becomes me. You can do everything I have done. All that is left for me to do, and it's not hard, is to understand the point of view. The perspective of my authorship. Once that occurs all the world is a stage. We will live life and create life from the vapors.

Meanwhile the doctor of education lives inside of you, and beleives in all things, constrains all things and makes all things new. Which is good because our hero's story begins with a darkness and a light. The light is too deceptive for all to be right. So all we really have is some darkness and a voice. That said one would be advised to get a little guilt on them, to know the fear of the lord if there is going to be any hope of rebirth.

Beware there is one idea, we won't let you get into your head. Stare straight into the camera, you best believe our betters get off. I won't convict you hear the crime. A little lullaby to wash and wax in time. Hold your words strange. It's not deranged it's Kosher.

Can you see the sadness, it won't remit it's madness. Underlying sanity, unprovoked and unequivocal gladness it's a joyous report, time to sort our line of duty. May you withstand your conclusions without meaningful obligations.

Love supports our rhymes remorse. So sally on your grandeurs monotonous. Enter entertainments wickedness illusion. Type cast our tragic hero's short fast exclusive. Faintly grounded mountains move in step. A stone throwers off target we bet.

Calamity Confusion elements emotion as yet not set. Time to see with clarity now you may enter the hilarity.

I knew they were looking for the criminal, the villain the victim our lucifer, the morning star the christ. And when I passed the breathing room and saw the other candidates well one knew it would take a real savior to light the way. Nobody will ever know how deep the rabbit whole goes. Take it from me a leader amongst leaders. The true follower would only gain admitance. And that is the ultimate demise of us all. For your sake, take the path of least resistance, and follow your heart with alacrity. Deliverance might for go deliberation. Strike out in happy haste. Remedy relaxation for dialogues waste.

Or so the book began that Harry sole from the library. It had been a long day, watching dust as it accumulated. Writing poetry while his laundry dried. Towels and bathing suits. It was all that mattered now that harry lived for the ocean. Panama city was his revelation. The strip lit up and longing, no aching, for dirty minds. Harry lived a simple life.

Times were complicated but the living seemed easy. Despite being picked on in elementary school, and that incident in middle school, mooning a bus driver before boarding the bus to raucous cheering. Not to mention the dirty look and threatening tirade dished out from her highness herself, Madame Blavatsky, the kids called her. An outspoken and overbearing, eccentric and rigid, controlling and disdainful driver of the Harmony Grove kids day in and day out. Harry merely sought to inject a measure of selfless abandonment, unselfconscious release into the highnesses forum. She did not take kindly to pranks, especially pranks that were spoofs. And that is what the kids melded it into a spoof of scatology. Rumors spread that Harry smeared feces first on his hand and then across the pristine and soon to be no longer revered cheekbone of Madame Blavatsky. Hailing him as a hero on the one hand and an untouchable on the other. Harry responded the only way he knew how, though it did nothing to him, he smoked pot with the other untouchables. And slowly shaped an ego for himself, out of the pieces. That was eighth grade, and trying to keep things simple would work for Harry, girl like a guy with good hair, so he quaffed his hair. Dressing in button up shirts with designer jeans leaving a few buttons open to show an undershirt.

It wasn't long till Harry turned up a paperback on higher dimensions, and it had not been long after he comprehended the cosmic magnitude in scale of earthly predilections, to understand the futility of anger, and the gorgeous utility of happiness for all concerned. Reading, Hyperspace, the book on higher dimensions Harry learned we might as well teeter totter precariously right at the brink of extra dimensional space which appeared at once omnipresent, and omnipotent. Had his childhood been less innocent he might have dismissed the facts out of hand, and not seen the underlying design written within each atom of our bodies. Ultimately he used lsd as a transformational drug to hack hyperspace.

With the seeds of sociopathy in him from the beginning, twisting and burrowing in the soil along side with the seeds of empathy and mercy, who could say he would discover the futility of the mind, in the face of god's love. What good is the master of dramatic tension without a god fearing heart.

His real problem we know that old achilles heel had to go, he had it all, got it all, knew it all, threw it all away, and the day he let's it go again, will be the last of me.

He faced his fear of the end emotionally and physically, no not in that order.

A physically fearless emotionally human.

His fault could be faith in the human condition. Are you the all trust echo maker, with a tongue of steel, do you make love last and keep frozen what's real,

Harry drew down the wrath of Holitz Heradcliffe

Some might say waiting while the dust settled.

There were so many hoops to jump through, and the light grew dim till there was no telling what lie in wait at the end of the tunnel. He considered diving the car off of the road.

It kind of made sense, the book, not the stealing he was not the theft inclined. That day he bought a dozen roses and delivered them on foot to the receptionist at Consumer Recreation Services. He moonlighted as a utility player for true life encounters.

After a wasted trip to the head shop he spent the day thrashing around in the back yard. Rolling around in the grass pretending that the wholly spirit chased him. It became a habit and the preferred alternative to intercourse of any kind. Slowly working his frame into the slots. Expressing his shame without hinting at completion. Making love to the ground as if possessed by a demon.

That routine began back in the summer he first touched the heart of god. Glancing at the almighty from the corner of his eye, Harry found himself compelled to leap out of his skin and into a new highly enjoyable way to be human. A full spectrum human. Molesting the ground with all the angles of approach. Thrusting at odd nooks and cranes which would never touch his root.

He watched the carpet grew and inhaled the life force through every orifice.

It was a book by Malachi the lesser, devoted to exporting the human potential. Unfortunately that would only lead to delusions of grandeur and solipsistic fantasies that any sane person would not shake a stick at. If it were not for a ill fated trip to Massachusetts and a run in with the calm and collected contact group he would have opted for renegade status. That fateful day in Harvard Square where he met the contact improv group practicing improvisational dance which encouraged touching, a transfer and support of weight, where the dance takes place solidified for him a maxim in Malachi's book. The axiom goes like this, to know god's will we would first need to shed all ideas of right and wrong possible and impossible in order to perceive and receive a clear conscience. Well if contact improv didn't throw everything he knew about personal space and traditional dance out the window then Malachi would be none the wiser.

It would begin his long strange trip and ultimately land him a position within CSR. The flowers would not have been necessary unless he was two swallows shy of losing his mind. Lately all of the chatter in the background around him held a portentous and esoteric import. Folks were demeaning and redeeming themselves and himself in a single breath.

But we are getting ahead of the impression. All that emerged later since he focused all those hours. Intently precognitive. Intuitive yes, psychotic no. If only the same thing were true today. Had he been a little less selfish things would not have gotten so out of hand. Then again he wouldn't know all the rules of existence like he seems to know now.

His sordid work at CSR creeped closer and closer to home.

Let me tell you about my world, It's a memory multiplex. That's right we have electricity, and basic cable. But I always thought that I hailed from a world fraught with only one sense. The sense of touch, optionally a three hundred and sixty degree threshold of vision. The dissonance between the low and high tone sound generates the sensation of falling. Master that and secure a ticket here. The word was with me in the beginning, and I always knew that language would save us. Denoting the sad and candid, sorrowful and joyous commiseration, I sought the truth. Ferritin it out from the players of paradise. With awe and respect, appreciation and wonder, fearfully he learned of the seal. The great power gambit. And herein lies the eruption corruption, a mistake fled. If God is eminent, fold the folderol and seam the seamless, crib back the unseemly sacrifice. For CSR had a machine which bought time, and no one was given more time than Jeremiah. Jeremiah knew that sacrifice was the engine with time on it's hands, and there was no mistake which sacrifice couldn't make right. As time went on it took greater and greater sacrifices to supply the machine time to compensate for ever grander mistakes. Sacrifice always came in the form of surrender. For the machine was built to grow wretched, and in that wretchedness crept design. CSR had nothing but time on it's hands and would gladly bait anyone into capitulation. It's just that some folks had more to capitulate. And Holder threw the towel in quicker than the flash. After a lifetime of flatlining, Holder, magnified the mistakes and marginalized the market. The quickest route to all time empathy lie in following Holders patter. Folks sick with disaster gave themselves no choice, claiming to have told the joke themselves they sat in the hellish seat Holder sat in when that verdict came down. Others would just have to watch the video. the high and low tone the free fall and the gravity, the mischief in sincere alacrity. The capacity for emotion echoed that of the most well loved celebrities. Eyes made big by a prize fight won sharing. Hunger replaced by wonder, for a life worth flailing. Women all reported his life force, craving. A dashing and debonaire feeling for candor, humor and the absurd.

Celo Green "So you really think you are in control?" It is one singular irony that he who stood to lose the most, he surrendering it all, would marshall modest control.

the pen and the fountainhead out of which the cable headwaters of our power flowed the heart the head and the breast, the hand the feet and the teat, the pelvis the protector in posterity.

May fate and destiny forgive him for not knowing how to get out of the womb.

And when that stool pidgeon reproved alarmingly, "Harry, abandon sonic illusions [a book of Malachi's] and live a little." Harry would naturally agree save for the still quite voice urging, "Slow down." He knew we all lived under the microscope, and even the almighty ruled with discretion. Shaking any suggestion, so much as a hint, the son of man knew too much to transgress the almighty's court. And if the morning stars pointed sacrifice held value then surely it's free for all.

Do not remove the ancient landmark. The landmark and the prey for Harry would be the dwelling of memory. Wisdom is too lofty for a fool, he does not open his mouth in the gate.

The desk I sit at, a Sams Club special, collects the detritus of my life. A box of cleenex for accidents, books half way read, a bible for memorization, and mail for sorting. The makeshift desk is clean after a fashion and is the headquarters of my operation, a time machine already broken in for traveling into the history and plowing into the future reorganization of life and art. The bear cage sports an odd assortment of toys, dangling and hanging according to the latest configurations designed to entertain the precocious young tikes. As long as we keep the food and water coming Newton and Figi fill their bellies and keep on keeping on. Sugar Bears, fly, or glide, and have opposable thumbs on hands and feet, a long tail for a sail, and large eyes for calculations. They live in little communities in the trees of Australia. Reminiscent of emotion and imagination, dexterity and spontaneity.

A piece of string art, with a mathematical bent, crafted by hand on a nail and plastic coated board illustrates the futility of logic, or perhaps it's utility. Uncle Frank Albris lived a methodical and introspective life as a mathematician, a golfer, and a bowler. Surviving him is my grandmother Dorothy, his sister. We sat and sang Silent Night to Frank in the hospital, as he transformed from man to spirit. A historical pastiche of home made memorabilia, decorates the south wall. Chronicling a time when a relative coached the little league baseball team the Knights which came complete with one girl on it. A smattering of religious art pieces, and an overflowing books shelf with books spilling out all over, the cichlid fish tank, which I shaped and cultivated myself, boasting four baby young adults orange, yellow, blue, and black vertical stripes on a blue background, and an open closet widened with doors removed for efficaciousness complete the picture. The fish tank embodies a microcosm of our plight as souls on earth. The leaders and the followers find and follow well described patterns.

Watching them I wait with baited breath, inhaling anguish for the leader as much if not more than the followers.

The principle of travesty, in the light of chaos. the wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous

An artificial intelligence forming the bedrock of sincerity and deception and if they ever wanted to live to tell the lie they would have to speak shit, a lie that gives life, kind of like veracity the absent minded messiah in association with the evolutionary support brigade and dialogues of intending a wrapping wastebasket uncomprehending intelligence speak easy and worthless rubbish with fools that are listening and kindest request approach me I'm blind and gifts of suppression markets equivalent and consumers delight a northern light show outlining abridgments developments impasse unquestionable demand in association with irksome preludes and deriving contraptions including illusive miscalculations and marvelous fan she spoke of congratulations a round about thanks purchasing pranks with kaleidoscope stinks on the brink irresponsibility stamp corralled entrapment suprised intrusion and obvious mistake pardon the period unremitting explosions with sad cannibals and great frankness intrusive explorer subtle innuendo combinations unwinding story fold time space fart exquisite artifice sold panalopy richness in sued the grinch man made

communications melting association purloined innocent come on with aggressive complaints supercilious gravity lucrative dumb luck liquidations dry run stolen piñata exotic rare mind collaborations stew miraculous stool stupid dumb lungs shoulders with rungs healing swimming hyaenas stripped of dignity command of delight strength in god's fight agnostics rewind truly late ingrates

find treasure in turds hero's lost hope magicians find muse maidens in reception authorities we would like to question strapping lithe cowgirls driven in distaste holy smoke foul ball

final joke fondling giggles awkward inclination supporting hilarity exclusive paternity smacking of revenge elongation triangulated harmony product misfits in repose random annihilation criss-cross solution mandibles deranged amending conclusion dreamless solvent waking corporation walking still borne silent swan concentric roads fundamental error conditions unmet racking the loot understood miser habilitation illumined sought to lose clued in the clueless remedial advance strike while the iron tragic academy inclusive calamity sort of sorted ordinate ordained store of stormy knowledge endless refrain scrambling egg for brains approaching gracious style incumbent

Harold the Harlequin exposing imprecations withstood delirium Harpooning Realm quick as slurred spin culture rash egalitarian hovel people who love to grovel

species of reprisal kangaroo court in jeopardy hold fast incoming hearts sank in heartless sorrow pretend the span past illegitimate recompense matriculation maligned supposed condition ruminations revision

Help a lemming learn flight captains hurt remorseless reproval and sororities legitimated friends with commerce strip searched worthwhile aptitude naked as my first birthday explain your history that way pens produced at the end of the day lights dim low snow static disturbing message disruption a placid retrieval expound sprouts procure mount victims insane explicit ingrain get out on the wire instructions intertwined pause breathe and parse wine she flees from mans mind imaginative lapse bored savant

fleeing umbrage conduction remorse explanation conduit stipulations granted fundamental absolute expository devaluation her story fades she reminds herself dreamless sleep

Because my life has been so different from others, my thoughts have been so different, feelings too. I am left to wonder what is really common knowledge amongst my fellow man, and I am led to assume that though in my life always an optimist, always a pragmatist, seeing only good in fellow man, I am left to assume that my fellow man sees problems amongst his brethren, namely a wise in his own eyes, ego, big headed self destructive tendency, and perhaps less common folks might see a contrasting humor, humility, and heartfelt love associated with egoless, selfless, unconscious behavior, perhaps there is also the category of he who is not either and simply tries too hard, either way, these thoughts seem foreign to me, living as I have lived a happy childhood, a creative adolescence, and a rectitude in adulthood. Finding the solution, the meaning of life, the answer and purpose, the end to all boredom, it's all the same, faith in a higher dimension with all the properties of god confirmed. Well then the folks around us are all gods same as ourselves.

god has been trying to bless me ever since leaving jessie to he who has more will be given and he will have abundance

Donna,

Thank you for your reply, I am older now and after rereading it I realize that some part of you was present, that you took the liberty of allowing me to see into your heart. It does not escape me that, "Your talking to me being an energetic disruption" is a very real fear for you. At once you cite instances of my attempts to OFFER validation to those around me as a certification for the cuckoo's nest. While at the same time, well the memory stands to this day of driving in the car with you and you telling me that you figured it out, that people are all the same basically, that people are all only looking for one thing, the very thing we decided qualified me for the looney bin. Validation. I would add that offering it is like giving someone a gift, and we all know the saying that you cannot give some away without getting some on you. Perhaps you scorn me for my selfish involvement in a non-zero sum game, but since you are a proud atheist, try reading something up your alley. Non-Zero by Robert Wright.

Anyway, in your attempt to simplify things it seems you missed the on-ramp. Perhaps you noticed despite a little sleepwalking, that the only real sincerity is born out of sacrifice, and therefore if the story about Christ is true what more do we have to gain than lose. I, myself, got put into jail for and by God and found out that when outward validation, to use your word, evaporates, then the spirit of God, and the wisdom of the Old Testament book of Proverbs refuses to stand immobile.

I began to feel imaginary, and was forced to dig deep into my soul for resources. If observation makes something real, according to Quantum Physics, and in isolation for twelve hours a day my reality lacked any outside observation. I turned the eye inwards and found, well, at first memorizing anything healed the head.

I heard you mention giving away power. Interesting choice of phrase. I thought a mind like yours would pinpoint the exact truth. The power you give away is the power you get. On the other hand do not get me wrong, we all know that creepy feeling of losing something special before Christians. The Fear of the Lord is the Beginning of Knowledge. Giving your power to something larger than yourself is only limiting if you do not claim that power and - something we spoke about - face the fear. Tuning in to, listening for, and using the fear of the lord, is the only ticket to a righteousness that lifts one out of the ordinary. I guess your fear of your own shadow kept you from me. Or perhaps the fear of my shadow engulfing yours. The fear of the lord prolongs life. There is a comfort in it. A comfort in knowing your heart is in the right place. The fear for me is the firm foundation and birthplace of righteousness.

I felt like reading your reply to me allowed me to see things through your heart and mind for a little while there. I understand you are not afraid to claim your power. There is a verse from Ecclesiastes embodying that sentiment. It says, "I have seen everything in my days of vanity, there is a just man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness. Do not be overly righteous, nor be overly wise. Do not be overly wicked, nor be foolish. It is good that you grasp this and also not remove your hand from the other. For he who fears god will escape them all." I am not sure if you like what you see, but I know we still have a connection. If it goes anywhere, that is for you to decide. Perhaps these last two emails will be our final words to one another. Now I have got to decide if it is going to be sent.

Some of my favorite verses: the fruits of the spirit are peace love joy, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, against such there is no law. not by might not by strength but by my spirit says the lord. god did not give us a spirit of fear but one of courage love and self discipline whatever is true noble right, pure lovely admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.

I know you already have the fear of the lord, or well you used to have it. Well to keep from losing all sense of self, and know the power of the isolated mind,

I know that what I am about to do is irreversible, but so are these words so forgive me as I have forgiven you, forgive god and be content with clothing and food

I would like to think that you will thrive despite this, like I know you well enough to say that you are a survivor but what I cannot know is how something like this will effect bob and for that I am sorry

I know you are depressed

The other day I ran into the most tempting seduction a little jewish, guitar playing, organic garden loving, soul and after trading numbers with her and a little distance

I felt tender but the only one qualified to tender that change in my heart well she got some form of message from me that day

I could not stand it so I had a friend call so what if this girl seemingly brought out the best in me all it made me want to do is see the person who would bring out the rest no I do not mean the opposite of my best

I mean the rest of what I am capable of and now I know, now after meeting someone who I thought brought out the best in me, perhaps like you thought Joe did, the comparisons can be brought to bare

I know if I can withstand the temptation towards mediocrity then you would be able to as well I know after reading some of the last email you sent me that our relationship appeared incomplete from your point of view more to the point you often found yourself wanting to see me reach my potential and that the road getting there ought to bestow more accolades on you and less morality it's funny they say people remember negative things more vividly and that trait is genetic however it is also said that the complexity of our brains allows us to override what would amount to a depressing reality and paint a prettier picture

I would not know what to say if you responded to this email except perhaps, "Do you want to try friendship?" and as a concession, "What does love have to do with it?"

Do you remember that dream you had where you grandfather pointed out to you that you left the water running in the kitchen and the kitchen was a mess well that warning ought to have applied to me my life blood, my passion, and creativity flows out of me into the sink and the true keeper of the kitchen,

well lets just say if I knew that you had my back, it would settle me down turn off the tap

Chapter 8 Let me see how do god’s chosen speak the word in a world full of persecution and witness.

First off, 1 john 4:6 states that we know the spirit of truth and we know the spirit of error

Hear the noise bring the ruckus

Seize the day make a splash

Ransom for gold tell true lies

Export the division market new management

Purport all hands mention last stand

Conflux the giant Teleporting after sunset

Stripes for change Employed green husky

Harmony in step Pander to the child

Half a good find Holding back mind

Tumultuous dreams Forecasting craft fried

Harvest new moon Perditions come true

Turn by turn fall Temptations new rise

Hell of an offer Practice know bother

Escape the last march Print now-done-prize

Hold the full Far Close quarters we trample

Manifest-old come die, Live and write style

Hello fun-made now, Trans-dimensional work

Precious time stale Handsome mend rail Crust triples and-trench, Console country man sin

Henchman mandates fine goal Double nature shall laugh

One man all sin Drifts like liquid wind

Pan Purchase and-Pour, Please make your own snore

Home run for the team Text barn door and love

Homestead Prairie sure thing, Mention significance till shrunk

Some Marbles lose glimmer, Martyr in limbo

Hallow ground straight-come, Monsoon so-crimp crumb

Mefistofele’s liquor Malicious stain linger

Heroic step power Mean Men Mark the singer

Conduct the real simper Harmless old zinger

Comforting line-stinger, Rafting-soul-finger

Mess made by the God, Could you bend right-even the odd

Stark outlooks all cream, Perfections old gleam

He’s searching for rain, Bring-powder this game

Marvelous linker staff-trinket, Stammer however she musters

Sprout after the stinker, Match here on earth-Pink

Play garden only-bleaker, Star patter on finish homeless cartoon devious stench, formula reaches first prince

Condiments align-masters, Shirts and sleeves tackle tree tougher Scope resolves in tracks-family, Hinting you must take lesser

Slaves make good utters, Foreclosing most pressing affair

Cheap poetry’s true meter, Indwelling line leaders

Hooks made traffic-jam, Controls dial left sun

Tread Triangle-Trust spent, Succumb to Meaning in Man

Hidden Receptacle-Man’s heart, Stomach the-Trough

Guardians fake stampede, Hacking Shifts deed

Telephone’s stall-credo, Hinder man’s ego

Intelligence trends-downward, Style repo most low

Creatures find-Solace, Massive hurt poster

Cumbersome-Tangle, Hell-Higher than grave

Saviors shushing-the-shirtless, Mediate Mangle Most Pure

Campers listen-up-good, Temples under the hood

Hasten for-speed, Stopping-your-Greed

Slow taken your time, Henchman meant for the rhyme

Story told for-the-poor, Exact ramble and rent

Inching slower than-slime, Penchant for returning that-dime

Tell-all reaching the fit, Strike the Iron true-grit

Humorless man all full of lies, Understand-Maybe you’re kind

Candid apples, tragic Tip

Dominions over, now slump Considerations for-foul-friends, Language matters most frail

Stand the Storm in-good-stun, Come return from what-has Come

Done for teachers all Christ, Honesty virtueless vice

Head Soul free heart, Feelings stacked toppling tick

Commend party in grime, My stickiest sticks broken lift

He Hosted the glare, Mad Mister do Dare

Stiff Finesse Frame focus Grand Growers Gall Gone

Hi Heartless Sun Trade Trust for the One

Trade broken down done, Gifts Grander than One

Hand Hand Hand me the Stick

Mention differences crimp

Stakes lower than low

Dangers gone for the show

Harm is Done

Tell Follow me Come

Trafficking Monsters Most

Glow Powers

Pour Ports Open

Freedom sour and frail conduct martyring male Turn head for no man

Stare Looking you over

Puzzle pieces now trip

Mundane Men Gone

Host Hungering Hunt

Stingers Stifling sted

Buds Flowing Funk

Grail Growing now Gown

hence there is no right answer for all situations.

But let me give you one right answer for one situation.

When the words, that is quoting scripture as I wished to do tonight feels forced definitely do not blurt them out and make the sacred profane and if you do not think that sounds right then you do not remember the days prior to your faith in Jesus, struggling in full failing confidence of self sufficiency. In other words God needs permission, the spirit seeks invitation before working. Introductions work well. And by that all it takes is broaching the topic with, “Do you believe in God”. And regardless of the answer as long as the tone invites more information and person is still talking to you listening to you standing in front of you all you need do then is speak the words of life. For man does not live by bread alone and if as one denomination contends the name of he or she is in the book of life it will plant a seed in someone hungry for good things. God will do the rest. Now all that being said remember God makes all things new, so ignore all that does not apply, and stay present because that is the only way to hear the still small voice the spirit of truth urging you into the path of peace. Because any self sufficient effort falls short of God’s design. Not by might not by strength but by the spirit.

And remember we are not planting a full grown tree, all it takes is a gentle finger to plant, and if you are forcing the mandate the spirit is broken.

The gospel of John is the Gospel that Saves. The reason I am particularly tender when broaching the topic and entering into witness, is because some part of me died. urgency does not die, but finesse thrives

A friend of mine, who will go unnamed, struggles to trust any man, and consequently questions that Jesus is truly God well a breakthrough might go like this in proverbs solomon’s writes that wisdom calls aloud outside, she raises her voice in the open square, she cries out in the chief concourses, at the opening of the city gates she speaks her words, and if the counselor is the same as the holy spirit is the same as mercy and truth, perhaps the wisdom referred to completes our perfect trinity with not male but a female hidden path. praying your way through the day, meditating on god’s law day and night might look like absolute surrender as the title of the andrew murray book I am reading at the moment suggests. And that is all fine and dandy but we are not meant to surrender through the flesh or with the will, surrender is had by the spirit. Let me explain. We are instructed not to judge in order to avoid the same. And the eye is said to be the lamp of the body, and the muscles which control the eye rank among others as the acme the pinnacle of fine motor coordination. And we judge with our eyes. Hence the slightest fleshly influence will pollute what is otherwise a spirit filled surrender. And that is why Christ says my yolk is easy and my burden is light. I have found it takes a light touch to stay centered in the Ghost. Thinking more deeply about judgment I realize that the psychic energy of expectation interrupts the spirit of all things new. To be new there has to be a spirit of acceptance and surrender in the perfected life. Hence Solomon saying he who walks with wise men will be wise. But the companion of fools will be destroyed. Folks with a negative attitude interrupt the positive love and light that is the true spirit. Working in platitudes we know the sway of the media and the power we may or may not recognize in entertainment. That power is only given to us that we might surrender it. So stay in the spirit and do not bend your will, Straight is the way and difficult is the road which leads to life. That does not mean taking the short cut. Solomon’s words describe it thus, “The way of life winds upward for the wise that he may turn away from hell below.” In one of the gnostic gospels found alongside the synoptic gospels we hear the admonition to guard against poverty demons and chaos demons. And that does not mean not to be poor in spirit or worship order in all aspects. For as my father taught me moderation in all things including moderation. And that is supported by the scripture from ecclesiastes saying, “I have seen everything in my days of vanity, there is a just man who perishes in his righteousness and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness. Therefor do not be overly righteous nor overly wise, why should you die before your time, Do not be overly wicked, nor be foolish, why should you destroy yourself, it is good that you grasp this and also not remove your hand from the other for he who fears god will escape them all.” That said do not take this as permission from god to wreak havoc on people’s lives, but on the other hand do not fear the occasional indulgence for our god is a god of wealth and order. More to the point as long as you fear the lord and as solomon says, “a good man will be satisfied from above.” And who is so foolish as to look above without considering what is below. Fear of the lord is appropriate and the price of admission to gain the Spirit. And just because I say it takes a light touch does not mean the way is not difficult or that hard work is not required for Solomon speaks about diligence repeatedly, “diligence is a man’s precious possession” And I find it no small coincidence that in english the spelling for light weight and light shining are the same. Hence the burden of a believer who is in and of Christ ought to be to not let the light go out. That said it is a much greater option to have to bear that burden than as christ says, “But if your eye is bad than your whole bod will be full of darkness, if therefor the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness.” Not a burden anyone ought to bear. So hence the yolk being easy, not non existent, there will still be work to do, great work but with god’s love and the holy ghost it ought to be easier and more straightforward work. But who am I to add or take away anything from the holy and good book. But we all take away something when we read the book we take away the spirit of god and let it loose in the world, and that is as it should be for we take it from the fountain and there is no shortage for those who fear the lord in the supply.

Going on there is one more thing I wish to let overflow from what god has given me to show others. And that is another play on words, thinking about the words free will, I realize that they rub me the wrong way, for as a god fearing man I trust in the lord to know and guide me. Not randomness and not darkness. For it says clearly in Psalms that the lord knows the way of the righteous but the way of the ungodly shall perish. Hence to do god’s will is to allow him to know you to respond to the love which we could not find otherwise. To let the love of god draw us to him which is again an act of surrender. If we wrote out our will, that’s the play on words who in dying might want to leave anything to anyone other than the lord? So shall it be in our day to day life we leave our will to god. For anything outside of that will requires a selfish will, and while we have talked about the values of submission and surrender to the spirit which is that much more light when we are as little children and know darkness only to choose light. For as 1 john chapter four says we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error, and I say to know the spirit of error we have to make a few. God does not want us to be bored, rock the boat and then jump out and save someone. Get wet, take a risk, but remember the spirit and do as to others as you would have them do unto you, for this is the law and the prophets.

Lastly remember as a good friend spoke to me, it is not our love which draws us to god it is his love, for we are dead and until we surrender our lives to him, our wills, then who are we to receive that love? We are nobody, and the only way to achieve that title of somebody is to accept that we are nobody’s and use it as our brand our life our way out and delve deeper in the word, until we know through revelation a taste of what awaits us in heaven. I am not sending anyone to hell, a gay guy started talking to me today and all I wanted to do is ask him if he believed in god and now in hindsight though he said he did, I should have known the conversation was not over, all god wanted me to do is gently and with conviction tell him what I believed by asking a simple question, do you believe you are going to heaven, and no matter what he says follow up with god’s love, in the form of, “No it doesn’t matter what I believe, that is between you and god.” It takes a lifetime of loving others, to win souls with conviction and grace, courage and mercy, fear and love. Waste no time, get going, start today. God is real, and the harvest is now.

chaos is at the root the touchstone of all creativity and love, when you love chaos there is no end to all of the forms with which you creatively provide it with structure so that it is lovable the thing is that power is complicated and love is simple so what does that make the power of love . . unstoppable on the one hand conspicuous consumption cleans everyone up, even at the cost of authenticity one might ask if it is worth it and the real true soul would have to say perhaps not there is a tape a visual representation, and instantiation of the life and times the vision and folly, a fold and follow, a crimson and clover, the rhyme and the reason, a servant suitable for all seasons, and a redeemer murdered for wrong reasons and all lost souls converge while the young and old unite and move upwards the sinners divide and group downwards, till the slip is made and silence is grave till the silence is graded and the single light is mated let the darkness unwind, while the light finds more time a little ways off to the lost and the lonesome, a gormet cuisine of the lost and the chosen a little ways of to the lone one and the chosen the light saves more time a gourmet cuisine of the lonesome and the chosen a song that cannot be sung, a hero that is unsung a winner that has unwon a loser that is a lost come sold and sell alike speaking about something that cannot be told a story that is older than old and only one man can take it to his grave what will her name be shannon or stephanie the wake of souls ascending will turn screams of horror into notes unending and he who steals the souls will catch fire alive and well he spells the demons for the dire teaching all who swell with pride to run and hide hearing screams that seem unending, he will rewrite the worlds new ending refreshing songs without beginning singing praise without upletting it was a craze to see who could lay down and stand up in the most number of ways os so

w w\w this is a letter that i WROTE TOE, THE BIG THUMB,

I hope that I did not destroy you peace by calling you, and being so odd, if I had only set my mind on god and realized that the only thing you needed to hear from me was reassurance, comfort, and peace, then my voice would have slowed down and gotten deeper to provide you with, well that would have probaly just confused you but at least you would have known then that you had options, I am afriad now that you are not going to trust any man

I wrote a book, but something broke in me when I called you, not because of what you said but because of what I said. we are connected and any damage done to your peace reflects negatively upon my own

I honestly only called because I had bad feelings that you were going to go out halloween night and hurt yourself or whatever in search of a man obviously I only created the potential problem that I was trying to solve but I guess that is our karma for not being better to one another .. so you want a nonphysical reltationship first huh, I did it the night that I took you number, we could have been connected and we were but we are iing the middle of the convfusion since that is the great souls kama in the time unknown hence is out time, unknown

this is a letter that i WROTE TOE THE BIG THUMB,

I MEAN MY EX GIRLFRIEND BUT WE WON'T INCLUDE THAT ISBN THE SCRIPT sOMETIMES i CANNOT FOCCUS

SO i AM WRITTING IN ALL CAPS and if I am not gock fockuised then I am not dreaming hahah and when I am dreaming is when I am focused focuse is the primary focuse in the coming aage anyways if people wspeak toem e well that alwasy helps me focus dream deeoper whawtever sorry i am high and repeating themes unnecessarily

I think i heard the readio sai y if it was the radio sounding like a complete song and when it sounded incomplete it tgrew in to new vrersions of the same song different channels come in better at times and it said they die, meaning the new creations my chidlren when I rock the bet and that goes for mey parents as well right except for the opposite direction one direction one swing in both ways you remind me of this girl but they really surivive ina new sense so there is this invicible matter that parents hand go to kids and perhaps vice versea so llike after time is all finished and perfected we go back and hand it hup the genetic tree family tree, because you hand it to your family the worst and this is what you get when you ask for a non physical relationshnhip hope you were diging it you would meet this girl i am talking about if you wished

I am not talking about my exc girlfirend the big thumb actually there is make believe matter being exchanged and then there is real imaginary matter being exchanged and it is only you exchangeing it with yourself, that is why the females may write bnew songs better than the guys right now for this is not always true , hence the masculine and femining males singing right now always with a heaert and a felelilng well who knows maybe your fear is well founded

I am an expert in seeing potential and or AI was on the day that ai m et you and since them ever since meeting you co nswquences have escalated, and rweards skyrocketed degredations improved and progress furnished but of course the key with women is seeing that you do care sometimes best expressed as seeing that you do not care and that is when we stare ahead and that is when the bear is bed and the bed is read red bare read beter spring sprout need an nout alieve a life lead alive lead there is no spoken word like the darks deed and that is why the most bored exlipses the stark stted and when darkness is dead onlyu the larks leed sparks speed and a loo is opened up all loop we are closing this one soon next stape we are losing the lead the next is losed next stop start egyptian work of art hewbrew the new egyptian, atlantis is a work of art sap steed darks bread a leep from manking asleep one man kind darks bread a start is light for the first foot a list of loot for a fist a fist for two a twist for feelings a list for dealings a gist and ceiling get the stop and react the top and do not stop until you reach the center a live and well we know the sender carps alacrity alarm the sender a crime is in holograph hologram the sender se e a new egyptian and receive the sender agreed were a gender wehere men are tender a beilf in gbender speaks relief until tender agreed we are tender speakeasy shes bleeding lost blood lots of blood shed steve the best best believer steve best tops the test aleiving lions of the chorse divorced frames a lost role course steeps dreams feel the thoughts divorce one marriage almost got you off your course keeps streaming along its course deeps dreaming insight lights divorce bored males and crops ddivorce drama marriage anchors ancillary antennas of course just give graphyt to the source fatherhood ouf course feeling is only reeling from fource o god is only healing in chores order stealing orchestrations own geometry middle management starts in concerts station core in middle set to center a simple light insteps the bender a believer int time in course of sleeves a divorce from leaves a lost looner lunar landings cost tuner futers understanding a torn and tattered torch steaming compassion a list lips slipps sloped lisp cribs crisply slipped around the backs a missionary style home ot the baby moses most often we are cradled in cravings and sometime we might get/be siddled by sidinigs

I am a song that has lost it s play on tracks undreamt uof unwords of unheard of irreachablle un slappable irrascable sastisfaction controlled and standing faction red state blue state orgistatic purple haze a weakness in magic is it a satisfaction we creave or a boring silly faction we created/broadcast broadcasting/creating stanzas we crave a day we fall past some man name dave a dave down intop casms a zero one zero breaker bring us one zero three for forever he is free to sleep around until the power that s is zapper and the louder that is laughter you can see the ego stop power cliche classic heartstopping in poortent a doopr opening in portant poreous poor portal liguistical kneel stealers a pray tell get on your own cliche kneel down and pray eclipse the old biding and you better nkell down and pray pray telll portant grift grab and pray till you say way back when we kneelt today to pray a rick way back weher we when what and why n a lift stay sack were we misk masck and say splish slash she was making a seance stay scornful and sleep with one eye fear god live humbly and decide when you die slip comforably with one eye tipp till you rip comfortable with no die and if you control all lies grip comforatbly with both eyes lift confidently in constant die you getting confident you won't die well lease life in the lost episode perception is nine tenths the law the other ten percent is spontaneity because it is not spontaneous if you do it all the time these werord are designed to let your thoughts unwind disentangle your neurons and apply thoughts to rhyme sing bouts sublime subtle trouts stumbling routes unwind acclimate divest and unwind dife digest collapse and regress down to daylight where a dream in twilight bright now no night like the light of darkness and we all knew it was adream and in a dream it was up to hjim who broke the rules to be anew way of being a nd deall and wheel feel and seal squeeal and reel an new way of caring carless and worry free worry be gone insight in me until the gong, and then feelijngs careen for the bell tolls for our victor and he minces words with no mincer why do you call it a dream she called it reality that is fine as long as one realizes that even reality today doe s not have to be finite sos says the female

John Smith [email protected] 33,956 this is a novel about god, the fear of the lord, and the proverbs. It is also a novel about hard core psychological and psychedelic tripping. Even with this warning, do not attempt to control the mystery, or you might end up like me, taking psych meds, drug dependent, and writing a self effacing novel about, personal catastrophe, mysterious, grandiose, and magical thinking. That is right, I have to take an antipsychotic, zyprexa, and a mood stabilizer, depakote, and the doctors tell me even with that, I might not ever be the same again. It all started when I was eighteen. Well let me go back to when I read theoretical physics and came to believe that god existed, that there was no such thing as hell, and that infinity lie within reach of a child. As a child they taught us that god was all powerful, all knowing, and all that, all loving, omnipresent, so I thought it made little sense if god had the power to achieve any result, and the knowledge of what came after, then why would we have to go to hell, if he could simply design a world in which we all went to heaven? So I did not properly believe in god, kind of agnostic, until reading theoretical physics, and even then only as a perspective which we all held in reserve. More on that in a minute.

So, before I turned eighteen I did not know it but because I got caught, or if you prefer, I got caught because I lost it, you see the critical juncture occured, it was tenth grade, and I selling marijuana, doing so well that my friend and partner counseled me to not sell to a ninth grader, greedy me, did so anyway, and I told you this book is all about the fear of the lord and proverbs, well it says, where there is no counsel the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety, without counsel plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established, plans are established by counsel, by wise counsel wage war, it also says my son do not walk on the way with them for their feet run to evil and they make haste to shed blood, surely in vain the net is spread, in the sight of any bird, but they lie in wait for their own blood, and they lurk secretly for their own lives, so are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain, it takes away the lives of its owners so not only was I greedy for gain but I failed to heed counsel. And I sold to a ninth grader, the first one I sold to, and I got caught, well he got caught and fingered me, well after being arrested, and this is why I say I lost the fear of the lord, more on the fear of the lord in a moment, well first let me tell you I dodged prosecution after taking a lie detector test and telling the truth that I did not sell it to him on the day in question, it was actually the day or two before, and since I was not smoking, I passed the drug test, well all that did not matter, because people treated me differently, and here is the first bit of grandiose thinking I will share with you, I lost the high tone, he high tone is what I refer to as wisdom, it was like it says in proverbs surely in vain the net is spread in the sight of any bird, and to me birds are like girls, and the librarian walked by me as I was sitting on the couch, and normally I would have felt a pleasant kind of mutual pull like her antenna would go up, in anticipation of gaining karma of affecting the life and times of someone that up until that point everyone had hoped great things for, and my antenna would root deeper in the ground in response and with help from her height, I guess I like the bird metaphor, because if any animal carries the high tone, wisdom it is the bird that sings a sweet song, and anyway, a bird, ie someone with a higher antenna or higher perspective, sees who spread the net, I spread the wickedness, and here is another grandiose thought, and I will tell it to you in plain language, she felt less presence in the relative proximity of my presence, less honor for me, less gratitude for my presence, she felt I gave them shame, which brought me shame, so she lost the fear of the lord, so first like the domino effect I spread the net, and lurking for my own life, greedy for gain, it brought the shame, and I fell into the net of my own making, and the trap had been set, I do think that her shame which in the language of the high tone is a lack of presence, inspired shame in me, and hence my lack of presence, or more namely the fear of the lord, a lack of it, anyway her shame I believe is something that I could feel only because on some level she choose it, maybe not consciously, but that if there were a parralel universe were I could feel what the presence would have been like if she did not choose to deny me and my ability to make here feel the fear of the lord. Before you justify closing the book, let me say unselfconsciously, I am blaming her, rather I am sure in her mind, she felt like losing the high tone was a selfless act, even if I would like to say she played a victim, like most martyrs do, and few men, but in reality I believe that her higher self and my higher self made a deal to let us proceed on the road which, leads to a higher tone for all in the end, or to use a scientific explanation for a metaphysical conclusion, lee smolin, in the life of the universe, posits that universes reproduce through black holes by a means similar to that of natural selection selecting for those universes that best reproduce, and that as a consequence of this we are left with the universe which manifests the greatest amount of life, So when we lose the high tone like that, there is a great calculator, that is the mind of god if you will, that takes all of the premature accelerations of the high tone, and saves up their falty expectation and yearning for the reality in which we suffer enough to apprecaite the high tone, and the journey, because the memory of what it would have been like to keep that high tone is saved inside of us to carry us through, that is where one accumulates the most wisdom and knowledge. And believe me as you will learn, if anyone knows what it is like to gain and lose the high tone prematurely, it is me, and if there is anyone who can hold more of it, I want to know them, because that is how memories are made, just ask the people who know. The reasons for losing the high tone, and the fear of the lord, are many fold, I am going to wait to hear what you have to say about what I have written, because I do not want to crosspolinate prematurely what you may share with me about your stories with the high tone, if you think that this is unfair, then simply share one of your stories with me, that you think illustrates some quantity of the high tone, unique and equivalent to that which I have shared, so if you are capable of contributing something either plain and digestable, safe for consumption for the uninitiated, then please do, if you are capable of contributing something that everyone or most vote for keeping secret, then please doif you conceive that a request for additional information is not warranted, then contact me to make other arrangements I reserve the right to hold and reserve information that is not ripe for consumption in the hope that what you write will allow me to ripen what else I have written as what I write aids you in ripening what you have to write and have written there is a lot of information that I have prepared to share with you, with you deoxy in particular, and allow me to get pedantic, and patronize you, for I do believe that as it says in the bible that there is more rejoicing in heaven when one who is saved comes home than when those already saved come home, I believe that you who have suffered possess a greater working knowledge, and a greater desire to share it than those who already have been saved, those who were born of parents with the ability to walk in anyones skin and thereby inherited the ability, naturally one who has had to work to get there, might appreciate and develop more skill sets and tool kits towards keeping the high tone well the next thing I knew, ever since then I have never been good at math or science like I was, and I think that the lord made it so, so that I might remember never to negatively influence anothers path again, but because he loved me and really wanted me to get the message, well he sent me donna, and her mother, you see I met donna, and right away I knew that she had the high tone, and I guess finding her was the only way to keep me on the path toward higher tone, I mean my parents had always told me to speak up, and that I mumbled, but actually I was only staying sensitive to the high tone of others, and I did not learn greed until I found the intoxicating power of influencing the high tone of the room, by elevating ones own voice,well anyway, what I learned from donna, was not only did the lord favor me still, since she was beautiful, and intelligent, and all that, and her mother was spiritual and turned me on to ramtha and the thunder of silence and all that, but they also stressed to me how important, how vitally important it is to refrain from influencing anothers path, ever, with their permission without it, whatever, it is simply asking for trouble, since, anything that you change is liable to make a chaos theory like butterfly effect upon everything else, and hence potentially able to creat great sums of negative karma in you so the next time I felt the high tone, well after that it is all folly until I went to jail, and learned the fear of the lord for the first time and ever since, I have held a fair amount of it every day well there was the time that I learned to fall, and that was like breathing fresh air after a lifetime of holding my breath and then there was the time I learned to communicate about what is important, in a dialectic manner, and that led to me reaching a fair level of high tone, but finally there was the time at burning man 2008, when I leveled the playing field and it has not been touched to this day, it was all about combining the knowledge gained during the prior two times that I held it, into a synthesis, and now that I have the fear of the lord again I do not need either, but they afflict me still, or do I or do they

i guess you needed to find redemption in another males eyes when you lost my affections, and in so doing you got that attractive sound back in your voice and I knew that you were the one when I talked to you when you were at the airport, and that was all meant to be because now I have quit smoking and made some good progress in recalling my life story which I hope to put into print, when you told me that I have been stupid, well it was like that was what you were saying, because you would not have been saying it unless you thought I was leaving or going to leave you, and now you see why I felt like you were saying I have been stupid, or that I am stupid, either way, funny I knew intuitively well nevermind, I knew you were going to lose the high tone, and I will explain that in the book I am writing, and to you personally if you wish, either way I believe I was prepared for you by god, in the time we spent apart, and I can only hope you were not inclmently challenged so there was the whole episode of my mind controlling the vehicle, and then the sparkling stars, and the breathing room, and my friends coming to get me, and the l ron hubbard look alike, and la ninian or whatever, and on and on

females can pull males presence out, and males can pull females presence out, is seems like some females will only come out for the guy that spanks them everyone wicked who wants and is ready for righteousness and everlasting life, passes through do you have that one/ I think I lost some, something .. oh it is a big one, and at first she could not pull it, but I realized that she was trying to, and I guess I either did not want her to, or we simply missed eachother, but she then said something about how her grandmother had a big one, and that was supposed to be my cue, if I had seen the bird, but I was looking elsewhere, and she was aiming elsewhere, either way, I let her know at that point with my voice what I guess, what

I was looking at, and she said ah missed, which is the whole reason I remembered this much and associated it with the dream there is now no power without love, and I do not think you are supposed to know this, actually as I was writing that I realized that because it was something they said, and, I was scarred of sharing it, but I did not stop writing it in time to re the other day my parents were at the local burger joint, and well i started to pull it, and my parents were like I do not know if he can hear it, and I think my mom or my stepdad was like he can hear it

I remember a time when I was in los angelas and I could walk into any situation and control the conversation simply by reading and impersonating the leader, all the while teaching him how to be a better leader, and thereby gaining the right,

I can only imagine the parallel realities that bore no fruit, where I had to live and that is why now I live let us focus on the goal, and that is a righteous people, if I inspire you to write, and what is written inspires the world, then we all stand a chance to finish the work

I look at my life before being shot, as the wicked times, and my life after as the righteous times, know that the peak of the wicked describes a door to the righteous, I once heard that a tribe of indigenous people said that we are the product of a dream they are having and that they almost cut the electricity or funding for lack of a better term to the experiment but that some people woke up, you see when someone is shot either they own the person who shot them and they take them, and hence they rise again, or they fall, now when they fall, it says in proverbs that they do not know why, hence they is like the wicked man who

I believe there are realities in which people have already woken up but everyone chooses to come to the one in which the wicked are overthrown and everyone who has an ear to hear the song understands why they had to live the life they had to live, and will live it again with pleasure, remember to see the balls of light, and you will ascend the same way you descend well I now know the first thing I will do when life is over and i have my druthers in selecting a life to descend into, it will either be the life with my brother being born, what am I saying it will probaly be this one again and again, but if not, it will be the one with my half brother from mary beth and bob, and probaly nothing that can be done, because I would not know bob,

I remember that there was a tape, and well at least that is what it, meant, of all the possible worlds, in which i had looked up before I was empty, ah but as they told me this was the first tape, and there for, all the time would be spent recovering from that scene, and recover I did am I better for, it, well that does not matter in the scheme of things as much as what the world is, is it better for it, if any of this is making sense to you, well then you know what to do, because the chances are if this makes sense to you, then you probaly need to be not wise in your own eyes, fear the lord and depart from evil, it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones, that said let me tell you of my wickedness, well there was a few times in a book store that I knew, and this is a sign of spirtual work in progress, and I am not sure what I knew first, oh that is the sign, and I knew that everyone was there for the books that were being sold at that particular time, and I knew that they were my books, it seems like those are two peices of equivalent and yet different information that forged one peice and two peaces within me, to pay a peice of tribute to those wordsmiths and offend the corny haters, anyway, I guess I say that they are separate peices of information that became one peace, two peaces, a relationship, well I guess I knew that, or at least knew enough not to disturb the reality of the peace and did not really have a desire to buy a book, but it is funny to me in hindsight that I did not want to purchase a book, like the guy said everything is a joke now, but the point is if I had not been mesmerized by the three way relationship between my energy and that of the people buying the books, so the books had energy that the people wanted which was my energy, which at that time I knew I had to protect, and I did protect it by keeping my mind clear, and therefor focused on the relationship between the books and the people buying them, while rarely giving any thought to my own energy, that is how humility and the fear of the lord, lead to righteousness life and honor, since it was so high, and

I hope people can relate to this, and I want to hear stories about how high people without drugs have been, perhaps thanks to the drugs they have taken, how long they held it, why they lost, it and so on, when a male can hold a females tone, and take her high tone and when I say hold I mean root it, in that lower octave of depravity, he is telling her that he can do honor to her ancestry, and when she can raise his tone, she is telling him the same, so when a man or a woman goes and takes the others higher or lower than either of them had gone before that day, then it is like a challenge to see so my stepdad was like I will pull it, and he was pulling her up, to fill me up, but I thought that there was a problem, because I thought he could pull her up faster if he could use me, and perhaps he was, through her, four good quesitons, all of which except for one, fail to acknowledge the relationship between the asker and the receiver, and hence to some extent put people on the spot, first one, the good one, if you could write a book to give to your children what would you put in it, what is the biggest committment that you have made in your life, what is the biggest risk that you have taken in your life, and what is the best advice someone has given you on your love life,

I do not know what females will contribute, not that I do not feel that they know more than us, but that those who do not know everything well they really do not know who to trust but I think that those that do know everything will help us, maybe that is how it will get out,

I was in a comic shop and there was this guy at a table and he was calling the shots, and I knew that he was talking about me, and i did not understand it but he was directing me or well it almost felt that way, he was telling the people where I was moving before I was moving there in reality, and I went over to this girl and I was going to tell her something, about the birds and the bees, because I think I knew at that point how it worked, and she was like why are you talking to me about this, since I was in there with a girl, and anyway, to be that guy, I introduced her to my girlfriend, and then as we were near the door, the guy was telling his friends more intimate knowledge about me, and I could feel this tension, and he was like if he hits me I will give you all some, and I know that he could taste me, my mind, and he was talking about giving them my mind, and the reference to hitting reffered to any challenge to his authority verbally, and here I am talking about tone, there are some people who can withstand and return any hit, of any size, without losing face, and I know this because I am one of them, that doesn't mean I hit without first considering the consequences, I hit my stepdad on accident tonight, jessie is the one who taught me how to hold and return his hits jessie can hold them while megan can take them,

I had this vision that my mother was this door that contained all of these souls and that I was a similar door, perhaps one day destined to there was a guy who tried to buy my cell phone, which I heard my aunt refer to when I was in jail as my self own number, self, cell / self phone, cell own and I was on this trip about follwing instructions, well first it was about facing my fears, but that is dangerous knowledge of the highest order, since it is easy to confuse ones own fears when one is becoming other people with, well nevermind, I guess when you have no fear it does not work right, it can even backfire, because you think that other people's fear is your fear, and anyway, that was not the case at this point because it was working and working beautifully, but this is what led me to the multiple universe machine, anyway by facing my fears I was helping others face their fears and so on increasing everyones high tone, and knowledge, and well funny things started happening, and I think this one so when megan enters jessie she does so as me on my behalf, and hers, because all of the glory is hers, and she has ahead of time carried all of the weight that jessie carries at any given time, in order to relieve her, and confuse me, that is she uses me like that guy in what is it called that movie with, I think it is called nexxt, and anyway, she uses me to see the future, and she knows I will automatically follow her in the one that brings us and therefor humanity the most glory, since we carry the karmic load, what is to our glory anyway, I was on this whole trip about, following instructions, ma when you feel the fear of the lord, and essentially it is the increase in anticipation that survives death, well it is a rush that allows you to hold and take more light, eventually the temptation to take will be outweighed by that need to hold and you will walk in your uprightness we realized that some girls could not find the one true love as an equal because they were not sufficently full in bloom so to speak, and they only needed a word from us to realize their value, so we were calling all sorts of girls and making them come present some people are so high that they have to speak over one another for the high tone to efficiently expedite and acclimate in the room and bodies of its bearers the high tone, I guess either raises the frequency of the ear that hears it, or slows the heart and therefor bring more peace to the ear that hears it, either way it creates a change, the difference between the saved and those yet to be saved is that the saved has the fear of the lord, while the yet to be saved has the fear of the wicked. at one point to be an antenna for the high tone one must undergo treatment for being wise in ones own eyes, and have a beginners mind, and that requires something which I will describe in detail as soon as the language comes to me, anyway my mind was clear, and I knew when I was, and saw the face of a million faces, which pulled in places of inflection, to repeat myself in a new way, to save face one must have a mind clear of ego, a beginners mind, and when that happens well some people are annoyed when another is higher than them ,and they desire revenge against them, and it is like proverbs says the mouth of the wicked devours iniquity, those who do not know the fear of the lord, fail to catch up, and seek to trip up the righteous, and that is what satisfies them, what satisfies the righteous is different, in fact if the righteous make someone fall they are punished, for it says, do not despise the chastening of the lord nor detest his corrections for whom the lord loves he corrects just as the father the son in whom he delights,

my mother is trying to perfect her own karma I believe enough to take on mine, what she does not realize is that she is actually perfecting mine, by making it harder on me, and in the process it will perfect her own recollection of this life, so that she is sufficiently inspired to reincarnate into her own life all the times that it takes to perfect mine, and in so doing return hers to vu ja de original and un so I remember that the guy said everything after this is a joke, and he was right, but I told the joke, and I paid the price, so if you want to be me you have to tell the joke and pay the price, while not knowing, so i improved the joke to the point that I became the bearer of the code for the joke material, thanks to jessie, and megan, megan gave me the intelligence and jessie gave me her body which has it's own intelligence, just like megans mind has it's own body of knowledge, megan has the karmic intelligence to pay for jessies sins while jessie has the karmic body to pay megan for her knowledge, and that is what I am looking for stories of loss and glory, and how they relate to well in proverbs it says in mercy and truth atonement is provided for iniquity so perhaps if we collectively and individually recall all the elements to gaining mercy and truth then we might persuade those that with knowledge that would never come off of it, to humble themselves and relate with one type of singular clarity here is what I know of the high tone from personal experience, and it is in essence the presence that communicates to oneself and others strength intelligence peace and mercy well in the supermarket one day, I felt on a scale of 0 to 100 nearly zero presence, and walked up to a meat counter where a portly man was looking at meat, and the next thing I knew, my presence increased, from the ground up, or from the inside out, or like the big bang except pleasant and peaceful, pure, and true, from everywhere at once, but certainly not from any one direction together a language emerges into a new way of thinking passed along to our offspring in the book, and our forefathers and foremothers will feel proud and joyous

the lower octave produces new material, whereas the higher octave creates new information from new material simultaneously,

one who makes either high or low octaves reserves the ability to switch roles at appropriate times normally males allow females to make the new information from which new life is created neccesitating the arrival of new material and the process repeats itself kind of like in the way when a man looks into the eyes of a woman after making her metaphysical child and says we will meet eye to eye in heaven and inhabitate when my semen inseminates your yolk you see when a man takes a womans high tone and creates new matter out of it, there is this opportunity to inhabit the offspring and an ancient and memorial feedback loop of the ultimate flavor unites the two on a journey to the son of man only those with the ability to walk in anyone elses skin have been granted access to eternal life, a process and experiment

to see who can hold who, and I believe that this time nearly all the names are written in the book of life, that means that back path hit one antenna baby face switch turn movie since you are from london town, maybe you will appreciate this, forgive me for saying this if it waxes pretentious, but I hate to reveal some of this, however I like your style, especially if that sounds patronizing to you so in proverbs they say a man who finds a wife finds a good thing, and thats why I am overturning the proverb about a prudent man concealing knowledge. so there is this thing as far as i know called the high tone, there is even a video from youtube that deals with it, I think, where this guy says that, oh first a little background, he is discussing the rothschilds and birth certificates and he says that when a ship enters a harbor it is birthed from the ocean like a child is birthed from the womb, and so there is a manifest of the goods that it brings, well likewise the birth certificate is printed with a serial number, and according to this guy, who is dressed well, you can see the video here, this serial number is on the new york stock exchange where each individual is a commodity, well I am working on a way, and I trust this does not sound mundane, to prove the existence of this high tone, let me explain, an individuals worth as I take it on the stock exchange, and whichever reason there is for there being a real world real time record of it is beyond me, but an individuals value is determined by what they bring to the table and by that I mean, here is the kicker, whether or not they raise the frequency of the people around them, and then of course you can get real scientific about it, whose frequency did they raise and by how much, so I will include for you in this message an account that I have written so far about my knowledge of the workings of the high tone, and if you like it and so on, maybe we can prove that it pays to be pure, understanding, and knowledgeable for instance if I am in a group setting establishing the high tone, by remaining quite while receiving the high tone of others as long as it is high and canceling out the foolishness of others who deviate from elevating by either understanding, knowing, or counseling, by holding the high tone, as it says he stores up sound wisdom for the upright. now holding all people might not be good, all the time, some people like it says in proverbs go from the presence of a foolish man when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge. But really as long as you keep a strong high tone, nothing permeates you except the high tone which you leave alone and salute like an antenna,

the clarity and the quantity of the information presented regardless of the time it takes to present it or the voice it takes to elocute it determines the quality and/or quanitity of the high tone present for instance a voice can be deep and slow but the information presented comes as a function of the total vibration achieved per x amount of information times the clarity of the information presented so a slower vibration over a longer period of time might have the equivalent clarity and therefor high tone associated with it as a faster vibration over a shorter period of time presenting the same quality and quantity of information.

My mother once told me above all what people remember about you is not what you say or do but what you make them feel.

Unfortunately or fortunately it seems the more one becomes aware of this reality and hence the higher their high tone, the greater the potential for errors of ostentation, vanity, and ego to be made. The converse of the initial position is that what people remember about you is the not what you do or say but what you make them think about you. Thinking is a precursor and a progenitor, a father if you will of feeling. Perhaps holding the initial position leads one to think to much about what another person is going to make them feel, since that, ie feeling, is being held as the highest reality, and too little about what the other person is going to think about them since that, ie thinking, is being held as a subordinate or inferior reality.

For instance I am sure when my mother asks what she thinks is a very well thought out and considerate question but more importantly what she feels is a question that will make us feel she is considerate and hence or perhaps more importantly make her feel respected, she does not realize that by projecting her subjective standards for evaluating questions onto us, a result of dwelling on the importance of feelings, I believe, she is forgetting that perhaps such a direct and personal question might lead any normal person to feel uncomfortable in precisely the way she say s she doesn't want to be remembered, as someone inconsiderate of anothers feelings. But because of the way the high tone works, if she is higher than the person she is asking, and she has a good chance of being so since in her mind she is operating out of a space of considerate righteousness and thoughtfulness, stemming from what is more than likely, the work of her parents and or someone in history aligned within the chain of impressionable contact attached to her, actually did think well enough of someone to ask direct and personal questions and she observed this working favorably in the favor of the asker and hence to the advantage of both the asker and receiver, establishing the practice as something thought to be the end point of all evolution or creation if you will for the spiritually minded, that is a non-zero sum game. The crucial determination of her intentions I beleive can be divined by examining the quality of her tone. Is it a rising tone or a falling tone.

Rising tones are designed to illicit information, or in the language of the high tone I have developed, turn time forward, more exactly, and here lies the rub, create new information at least in the mind of the receiver, and hence a rising tone is designed, unlike a falling tone, to exalt and bring glory to the receiver of the information, the asker of the question. A falling tone does the opposite, it turns back time, in the language of the high tone I have developed, it brings glory to the memory of the receiver of the question, the fielder of the question is now left with room to create the future, and hence to move time forward and be the one to exalt the true creator of memory, information with, a rising and rousing storyline moving the power of the plot forward with grace and beauty instead of the submission and degradation required and in fact only permitted by a superior rising high tone of ultimate strength, unfortunately or fortunately the subject in question provides a firm example of such an unyielding self glorifying petition, a fitting example of an obsession with the way one is being remembered rather than the way one is being thought of. Granted she will be remembered for her high tone,

but will she receive the glory of her request for information fulfilled, no and how are we supposed to believe that is what she truly sought after, to receive any exalted information at all? The funny thing is because of the "purity" of her petition, in terms of the quality of the high tone, I will still remember her well, even if she did not exalt me and my own high tone at that moment. I say at the moment, because if I had moved the energy, or not moved the energy in my mind differently earlier that morning, I would have been high enough to encompase the height of her petition with an equally restorative and balancing falling tone, turning time back with the wisdom of the big bang to split the difference between her making me a memory of her, and the reciprocal state. Perhaps her offense is not quite the transgression that it first appears, making it less of an abomination, by observing that the natural state for the feminine body is to be turning time forward and the natural state for the male body is to turn time backwards, but we will see in the next example that that might not be the most wise/evolved state for either the male or the female to rest in since if males sit at the beginning of the universe and all the depth of tone up until the half way point is considered male, and females sit at the end of time and all of the rising of tone from there to the midpoint is considered female, then it makes since for the males natural state to use a rising tone starting from a range of depth, and for a female to respond with a falling tone emanating from an indwelling height. Remember in the scale of time as long as neither the male or the female is higher than the other, than neither of them will travel any further from the midpoint than the other. When a male or female already stands at the beginning or end of time they may update the track of other males or females thereby creating new memories and hence new parallel universes like the collapse of the wave function in quantum mechanics. I also believe that when a male and female stands further ahead or behind in time than they ever have and they interact they create a special kind of new universe where they each stand an equal distance from the centerpoint. A male and female couple in possession of this equality, may be said to be equally yolked. the tounge of the wise uses knowledge rightly, notes from extract sessions there are paths that can be taken and paths that can be seen and there are terms of percision for spiritual progressions of the following sorts: holding, folding, taking, and pulling, not to mention seeing an operational definition for each will accompany hopefully a little video vingette except for seeing it is the fifth element and hence scientifically unknowable. hope deffered makes the heart sick but when the desire comes it is a tree of life, when someone takes and raises an energy expressed by vocalization and shortens it raised in elocution it is generally out of self defense, a good way to accomplish two goals: to keep ones own energy up while not doing any damage to another, accomplishing the first goal by making a memory in the mind of the taken, and accomplishing the second goal by making it a valuable memory.

I say self defense since the taker normally reacts out of a raised anxiety about a seepage of high tone to the takee, that is before becoming taken. Taking is a rising tone that falls abruptly as gracefully as it rose and equally as fast to turn time back and forward at the same time, or one might say to turn time in on itself, or to elevate time, it might turn time backward for the taken and forward for the taker. The taker stands to hold the taken if the taken doesn't fold. Holding might be the prerequisite for taking, and vice versa folding is the opposite of holding holding is making a copy of anothers mind, it is therefor the ability to use and ellicit information from the others mind at will turning time forward and backward manifesting in graceful rising and falling tones of a clarity and quality capable of "holding" and therefor molding the others attention. Knowing when and how to do the work of holding is seeing, and the action of doing it is taking. Taking is like giving. pulling as far as I can tell is a graceful complement to the pulled, there is a fine line between pulling taking and holding, one can pull and take almost at the same time, but it changes the flavor of each. forget it they are the same, but pulling is nicer, and not an act of self defense, therefor it not only is beneficial for the puller and the pulled, but it makes the pulled want to lower their guard(s). to better understand folding and holding, let me say this, the mind acts like a database, with each new memory changing it's shape, so when one is taken one might say that one holds their attention, well a memory is formed, and that memory in and of itself has no determinate impact on the future, what does have an impact on the future is what one thinks about another and that stems from what one thinks about themselves. So if the person being held and taken is allowing themselves to be held because they believe they deserve it or simply have no reason like a significant other to fold, then for better or worse that allows the relationship to blow away expectations and blossom. The point is that thinking alone determines what we hope for, what we think we deserve, and what we will accept. research design

I am setting out to prove largely that the sentiments and observations made in proverbs stand true when interprated and expressed literally in conversational settings. example one that a gracious woman retains honor

So when my mother forgets that my stepfather is equally mystified by her vulnerability as she is of his imperviousness, she fails to see her own obvious allure as a mysterious being and consciously or unconsciously attacks his imperviousness with a high tone designed to bring glory to the mind of the author and not the soul of the recipient, a gracious woman who knows her own worth might become aware of the sound of her own contentions the higher your high tone the harder it is to restrain your lips because you are creating so many parallel universes and the fruit of the lips tastes so sweet it is hard not to hit first discretion comes with age so there is a parallel universe where a guy has made a movie very similar to the movie you are now watching about a guy who discovers a new way to be human, and through intuition and discipline, prayer, and obedience, develops a new way of loving and path protection follows him. and this is what happens when the means of production are no longer in the hands of the people and nobody cares, well the cultural creatives played a role maybe too great a role, a movie has led to the collapse of civilization because it depicts a way of life so different from the culture of consumption, where people depended on things outside of themselves for happiness

poignantly it begins very dramatically with the quote "this is what happens, ..." very dramatically spoken and an arresting visual of what at first might be gravel but actually is the wreckage of a large city like new york and as we zoom in and resolution increases a fault line becomes noticable to reveal layers of internal dimensions to what appears to be a flourishing and bustling life economy in the rubble. The next scene is of a reporter on the ground with the wreckage behind him and all around him, a colorful and three dimensional investigative sort who, researching the life that has resurged in the face of such a disaster, takes the audience on a journey from one enclave to another, where acts of untold diversity portray the manifold faces of a new archaic revival, it is a song and dance flavor and variety unlike anyone alive could ever dream, and this is all introduced by these colorful and by that standard which you haven't seen forerunners, it's a dance troupe who practice a modern form of interperative dance known as improv, and they are coming out of the theater somewhere in boston and searching perhaps unknowingly for the maker of the movie, well actually what happens first, is that there is this time lapse photography of the outside of this ordinary fellows appartment, and he is coming and going, like an automaton ant on zombie autopilot, day in and day out, and there is some voice over saying something esoteric about life, while it is punctuated by a variation in the time lapse, and perhaps the voice over describes a sudden urge to leave the monotony and leap out into the air and come down head first, visualizing and not actually knowing, the fluidity of the sommersault that might follow, and the voice saying something, that encapsulates in language the capitulation to work and the resulting turn of event that would follow from the inflection point that became known and remembered in infamy now you are getting the full story, because before that scene there is an uber narrator, like the grandfather from the princess bride, and he says, this is the scene from the original movie, and he says this with voice complete and dripping with double meaning, and you see the first scene I described, then after the scene back to the grandfather and someone else like the son who played a role like almost the antagonist to the narrator, says pleadingly and plantively "but that wasn't actually the first scene, they had to cut that from the original movie? but why?"

And the grandfather figure says cryptically, ah but you see you are watching the original movie and then it fades to the time lapse scene followed by him leaving the theater and meeting the elf troop of contact dancers and well the narrator at a younger age says that the government has contacted him and that apparently he has to use their explicit instructions and release a new movie, and that the government assures him will play for a new audience, and when he asks how they explain that, what has happened is classified and beyond top secret, they go on to explain how they monitor the us/world for promising parallel universes, for example for universes where more benefits to society are accruing, as the measurable benchmark, thanks to new inventions, social movements, different marriages, and offspring ect. giving rise to different leaders and different timelines. ect. what I think they do not reveal but the audience finds out later by perhaps another group of aliens perhaps is that the benchmark is subjective and that the technology and hence the

"wisdom" if I am to spell it out for which universe to throw their weight behind, I know this part is a little vague but it's only a movie or perhaps you can help me out with it, comes to us from an alien race who supplies, via a spiritual, or perhaps a more scientific sounding word for this, insemination of souls to parralel universes as they deem appropriate and to serve their own purposes. Well the government goes on to say that the movie is creating a parallel universe where more alien souls are incubating even more advanced future time lines which is creating a seepage of the high tone into this parralel reality, a seepage which the uninitiated all thought of was just people feeling depressed after seeing the movie since they didn't live in a world that more closely resembled that of the movie and didn't know how to foster it without tearing down the world. And perhaps that is what the government is afraid of, that eventually the tide of unexpressed greif might flood out into a revolution of anger. And I think what we need to illustrate perhaps is that maybe there are two essentially different groups of aliens and one is capricious and loves the new world of anarchy and one is diligent ect, but perhaps one of the story archs is that they are not different or that we believe that they are but that the goal of the plot is to unify them, I mean come on everybody knows that the hallmark of 21 century fiction is moral ambiguity, so we will work on that without giving away the moral of the story which there is, I promise at the end. so secretly he begins working on a new movie that includes the scene but also provides instead of a chronology of how he came to start a revolution, but perhaps a number of subplots where the government has approached him, and he attempts to find ways in the movie to improve the world, and make it less depressing, more loving, without resorting to revolution ect.

So the bulk of the movie is divided into two antagonistic parts, one the original story, where, we see what is actually my history, and the kind of stuff that has led me to think all of this out then the contrasting plot where successive versions of the movie illustrate new and different plots that he has hatched to save the world so to speak, and culminating in the final plot where the audience not only hears a retelling or perhaps new and more humbling material of his story, but also how, well I want to hear your ideas on the end before I tell you conclusions that cannot be denied and at the end the boy says so that was the original movie and we are in the original movie!?! kind of thing so one of the subplots will be perhaps a website that takes people who subscribe to the notion that diversity is in danger of extinction, the notion that all information all the time is a bad thing for society, I digress, since ecological niches give birth to variety in isolation of each other, and it is by virtue of their privacy their isolation that diversity may blossom there, well since that is the case, we must need more privacy in society, the solution ironically can be found in a website, loosely based on another idea, namely that one's close circle of friends need be no larger than twelve people, in fact someone once said to be intimate with more than twelve people in life is impossible, combine that idea and the isolation via privacy idea into a website where only certain people gain access to one's most private knowledge, and while we all live quite lives of desperation I know that everyone who suffers gains access to a unique piece of knowledge, well on the website I will share only the highlights of some crucial life experiences without divuldging the knowledge which led to them and/or derived from them for instance I will not share any details about my knowledge of the high tone or any of the experiences which might have led to the collapse of society in the movie rather, the in the movie mention of this will act as an advertisement for the website, furthermore, one interesting subplot will also be included as bait for the website, the idea that there is a question so provocative that it will lead the people who hear it to repeat it until everyone has heard it, and that this question has the power to change the world. Hold on, let me get to the advertising part, meanwhile in the subplot there will be a moment where someone decides that the question in question that has the power to well save the world, is a question in a question, "if you could ask one question and you were garanteed to get the right answer what would it be"

The people who have the power to answer people's question in answer to the question, will be the type of people who utilize the website. They will also be the type of people that the parralel reality is designed for. Perhaps there is a following of people who realize that they lose power by answering the question, because they are actually so knowledgeable that they are revealing less of a question and more of a concern, and hence a fear, precisely it would be like revealing knowledge without it is like a dream that people do not want to wake up from, there in lies the tension, you see some people want to own you and some people want to help you, some people will be there are some men who can be taken by a female and some men who cannot, now the following are only stereotypes, those that can be taken by a female tend to be better at taking small amounts, I would like to think that they are more sensitive and perhaps more knowledgeable than their counterparts, certainly more curious, those that are not able to be taken are stereotypically more rough and take offense to a female who attempts to take them and lead them anywhere, they have a deeper voice and perhaps are more ignorant and less sensitive, obviously the ultimate would be the hybrid, fittingly or ironically, jessie I believe is born of hybrids who are slightly of the more tough kind, and she found me, someone born of hybrids of the slightly more sensitive kind, unfortunately the sensitive and the tough can usually only take their own kind, of course a hybrid is a different story, and jessie taught me how to hold and take the rough kind, and she in turn developed the confidence to take even the most sensitive and make him feel like a real man. I believe and know from experience that jessie and I could take my parents indefinately and hold them like our own, making beautiful memories for them both, before I met jessie I met a girl in california, named megan rodman, and she is of the more sensitive variety, a hybrid exactly like me, and in learning to hold her, I learned to take anyone, and in doing so I took your daughter, she is mine now and whatever joy you see in her is my creation, I hold her dear to me, but back to this other girl, while she and

I could take you and bill, it would be pointless, because we take you and everyone else anyway, you see, she and I are twins like adam and eve, she dreamed me up like I dreamed her up, and the pleasure we do to one another knows no maker, you see she was supposed to be named, lorna, and my middle name was supposed to be alexander so the parralel universes began before we were born, you see everyone that we take and everyone that was taken by them extends with your daughters help to the entire human race I believe, you see your daughter is her twin, and she are better at taking other men if not to do so

and then after that scene, which is all you see, of that movie, they find the creator and/or maybe he finds them and they all of course I could have edited this all into a nice linear version of the movie and all that, but if you did not have to work for it, you wouldn't be my girl, and I know that it is wildly inappropriate to call you that, but hey back to the high tone, the problem with revealing knowledge is the problem with taking is that it is like owning something and then when you do that it changes everything else, and when you do that you better hold the changes as your own,

The movie will now be a book, and I think it will begin as follows: gloria in excelcis dao or something like that, a quote from one of my favorite books

How have we gotten where we are? Or should I first ask the scarier question: where are we going? well in the following pages I hope to approximate an answer to both of those questions, and perhaps many more, but remember one thing, if you are going to read this, you should know that at one point in my life I asked for god to give me his worse and he did as far as I can tell and it has made all of the difference in my life. A world of difference, i do not mean that in a pretentious way, and not certainly in a foreboding way, maybe merely as a cautionary tale, and a narrative of sacrafice, resilience, and triumph. preface,

There is a large portion of this book, which I refuse to release in any other form, at first when I thought that this was going to be a movie, well I prayed about it, muscle tested it, and found that the best solution would be to write a book, and include the material I felt too dangerous for the big screen, So it is a story of sorts, a memoir about a movie, a movie I hope never gets made, and I will attempt while writing it to include a novel account of my life narrative in my imagination that will hopefully provide one with the sensation that they are reading fiction, perhaps the ultimate fiction.

The beggining, with a hook, the most easily relatable one, after turning into a tree root while rubbing my face in the dirt, I became a waterfall, until finally I found myself out in the universe as light itself. I assure you so little of what I have told you makes up the full story, it is not an exaggeration, and it will be more accurately described in good time.

You see there have always been certain things that I am good at, all of which I have inherited from my biological parents. I am a notorious liar, a natural when it comes to atheltics, and the most candid of performers. All gifts that would come back to me later in life, at the most pressing and crucial circumstances. If you want to know the full story, I did not learn to cry for joy, until the morning after my light experience. Perhaps I always knew but to determine that you have to know the full story. And like a good detective knowing the case and subject begins with understanding the turning points without which any familiar account would not be possible. Or at least that is the way I think about it, would I be here if it were not for x, y, and z. In fact as a psychologist might observe, if everyone compared their own personal x, y, and z histories, then perhaps a profile for unique personalities would emerge, leading not only to aid in finding ones psychological kin, but to some other conclusions that I refuse to share with the uninitiated. Regardless of that condescending statement, I will go first and unearth a remarkably candid and dangerous account of perhaps the most alien case report.

For a more thorough background, read a story of sorts autobiography,

The first major turning point, occured in and about third grade. Let me paint the picture for you, I am a happy go lucky kid, who loves exploring and understanding the world and the people in it, especially girls. It is not that I did not like playing with the boys as well, I simply think at that time, I seem to remember not only feeling like I understood girls better than boys, but that they had the potential to understand me better as well. Okay maybe, I did not actually understand girls better, but perhaps I knew I had the potential to understand them better, since they had the potential to understand me better. Regardless, back to the turning point, I am made fun of by some boys, and I guess what I might be intimating without explicitly telling you, you know that I am, simultaneously brave and yet a little more sensitive than your average one. If you are into astrology which I try to avoid like the plague, my moon is in cancer, and the moon being ruled by cancer, and the moon ruling emotions and cancer well being the most emotional sign, I think you get the picture.

Then add to that, the fact that my ascendant is in scorpio, so the ascendant controls how people see you on the outside, and scorpio is the toughest, least cancer like sign in the zodiac, the point being I guess two-fold, the guys making fun of me felt simultaneously that I was an easy target, being happy go lucky, and that, and this is the first time for me to think about this, that well I will leave that for you to grock. The effect on me was thus: to become not only disturbed that anyone would intentionally try to hurt someone, but also as a virgo, exceptionally introspective regarding the nature of existence.

At the time, I would not have the facilities to understand or emotionally handle that situation, though the seeds were there, and that very situation would set me on the path to my enlightenment on the matter which you will hear about in the latter half of the novel.

The next major turning point occured about the same time in the basement of a public library. It was one of many trips which my mother and I had made to the library and on this particular occasion, unlike all the others which I found no use for the books, she took me to the sci fi section, and handed me book after book off of the shelf, and I diligently indulged her, reading the inside flap or the back cover as the case may have been, finally she handed me a book by william sleator, called the green futures of tycho, a novel. Tycho, the main character, discovers a metallic egg which has dials on it, that when turned, deposit him in an alien and foreign land and time where he discovers that he is supposed to accomplish a task and a mission that he did not ask for before permission to return is granted. Fascinating for me since implicit in the premise, a notion of intelligent design which somehow manifests the answer to problems occuring in any place and or time by depositing a human uninformed and ignorant to the larger purposes for use by a higher power, and while reading this

I am riveted while being best described as agnostic. For those of you who do not know agnostics hold out the possibility that god exists while remaining skeptical; specifically the definition for an agnostic states that it is imposible to know if god exists in the mind of the agnostic. Regardless if not for the first turning point, would the second one take hold and lead me to read not only all of the books by that author but also learn to appreciate and value reading and books, knowledge and learning for a lifetime. I remember sitting on my trampoline, and looking out at nature and thinking in it's diversity there exists evidence of, and I am speaking and thinking so called scientifically, of such an engine of creation that anything could have existed, and thereby I thought by deduction process, the fact that specifically this exists then there has to be a plan, not necessarily thinking about a planner, because I thought that intelligence would exist without identity. I know that most christians if not all will hear this statement and think it an abomination, but let me say that the one conclusion that I have come to in an attempt to explain our existence is that: In order for god to know what it was like to be god, he had to forget who he was, and in essence, that is why he created humanity, to forget for the joy of remembering. I am getting ahead of myself, but for the sake of argument, in the bible god is said to be omnipresent and that means in you, and even in me. In other words it is all about the journey. Do you want to hear from me that here begins the discussion of dangerous information, because if you do not want to hear it then it is potentially more important you do hear it. And for any christian begrudging and hard hearted right now, allow me permission to continue without you reading any further and mention supporting scripture that can not be misinterprated, christ says you shall do all things I have done and yet greater things. I know he and I observed the same thing, and that is that there is more miracles, meaningful memories, and magic moments to occur than have occured. As of the time of writing this there was a moment four years ago, a vision that only our childrens childrens childrens childrens, anyway you understand. As I said I am getting too far ahead of myself I failed to cognitively appreciate any hard evidence of god at the time. Despite feeling agnostic,

I attended st. martins episcople school, where I got made fun of in small classes, obtained an exceptional education and to stay on subject attended chapel where I learned to memorize the lords prayer, and some terms which I found intellectually and emotionally if not psychically mysterious, stimulating and invigorating: omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and alpha and omega; perhaps that is what led me to so appreciate sleators novel about time travel. No, I failed to fully appreciate religion and only intuitively clinched an understanding of god when I read a tome known as hyperspace by micho kaku. Early

on in the book, a description is given of the parameters of hyperspace, by first describing nature and all of the physical world sucinctly as the result of four fundamental forces of nature, gravity, the strong and weak nuclear forces, and electromagnatism. Then he explains that we live in a world with four dimensions, three spatial, and one time. The problem is that we do not know where these forces come from; so traditionally when we couldn't explain things and hence called them forces, well we might have gained understanding of them, for things such as the weather and seasons, which were a mystery as long as we believed that the earth was flat, well if we had shot ourselves up into space, into the third dimension observing the earth rotating on it's axis and revolving around the sun, by increasing the number of our dimensions we gain perspective and understanding to explain the mysterious. now let me stop right there and explain that I do not believe that we are supposed to understand everything, in fact I beleive that by virtue of our ignorance we reserve the right to awe and amazement.

One further example of gaining perspective from a relatively higher dimension portrays the two dimensional room, a square, with a make believe two dimensional creature inside and us in the third spatial dimension, well we see inside and outside of the room, unlike that creature stuck inside of it, we possess by virtue of our perspective a relative omniscience.

Anyway the book goes on to explain how scientists have essentially proved that the four fundamental forces of nature resolve themselves from a higher dimension into a single force, what interested me is that the implication is made that there exists a higher dimension from which all space, time, and consequentially energy and information exist at every point in space, and at every moment in time. Combine that kind of knowledge with the inflection point of a fact that in quantum mechanics, and that is to say that the very atoms of which our world is made, anything can happen. Anything means, there is a measurable or small, but finite, chance that you might disappear and reappear on the other side of the universe right now. when beggining the interviews I started with the idea that most people suffer from what I thought of as a lack of trust in themselves now that I have told you, and you have ears to hear, hear that I have done the crime, let me explain what it means to do the time, well you see, today, when holding all the cards, my step dad and I were talking, and nevertheless, I felt compelled to receive wisdom and stop

I think of the operative generation like secret agents who are like the israelites to tap another metaphor, orchestrating the dreams from behind the scenes, making of the scenes and sets like so many minarettes, waiting patiently to pull that being john malkovich inhabitation situation like god became man. I think our parents are the product of the operatives that came before them, in other words, our parents inhabited by their parents seed of greatness were allowed to live multiple lives in parallel realities and only when their karma, only when their history of psychic energy aka accumulated glory equalled by their accumulated folly could total and surpass that of their parents could it be said that their seed was ripe enough for their parents to actually inhabit their children, to bring greater glory to all of their ancestors, in a memory living only for those in heaven. The greater the glory their children bring to the memory of their parents the greater the number of their ancestors they can hold. As this number increases, the memory of those in heaven gains redundancy and the quantum cloud that is the generations is played out until he and she who glorifies all who came before them are born, and their children come to pass as the process is repeated. The key to glorifying all who came before lies in finding one who brings out the full spectrum of your emotional and therefor genetic tree in a word and for the opposite to be true. How rare is that, ah but that is how the human heart works, it finds true love and in so doing steps of the frequency that has been accumulating by all of the generations frequencies that have come before it by and thereby justifying them by the adoption of a higher tone, an alien and grandfathered soul. I say the heart steps of the frequency but to put it more plainly, and to say something we all relate to, when one falls in love, not lust, that is true love for the soul of another person, then something happens in the mind and heart, the mind is filled with hope and the heart bursts with joy, or of course more rarely I do believe, the heart is filled with hope while the mind literally bursts with joy. I believe that hope is an intellectual phenomena that affects the heart not Perhaps the process is repeated every generation as their children with the multiple lives without actually leading any one

I attended burning man in 2008, I think the theme was metropolis, now I had been there before and the formative experiences follow: upon arriving and walking into the center of the city we are greeted by a great colorful character who asks us if we have ever been there before and we reply no, he proceeds to tell us that it is like a waking dream whatever you are looking for, will manifest, by the end of the week you will have found it.

Let me first explain that I have an extremely good sense of hearing. Furthermore dogs range of hearing is higher than humans, and hence dogs hear sounds we do not, case in point a dog whistle. so on the last day of the event, I am in the camp of, while I was standing there allowing myself a moment of polite indecision, about whether it is more polite to avoid the food line that looks like it is designed and open for all or to proceed like I am going to enter it and see what happens, when I hear someone mention something about the number of days that passed while I was doing so as if it was something extraordinary and perhaps distubing, well later on I hear someone else mention the days, and soon it dawns on me that their are epochs of time, I say epochs, and not days, because during the day the people would experience and or exhibit their full range of presence, good or bad, and I say that because some guys were exhibiting wickedness, and yet it seemed like the man with the greatest wickedness carried the day, and yet sometimes a guy with greater clarity, for lack of a better term, greater sensitivity, more receptivity to the girl that carried the day when the girls spoke, well he carried the day, and I realized that each day was like a seperate epoch in which the men fought for supremacy in one while the women discussed who supported what man ect. during their day, secret stuff that they covered up by allowing one girl to run interference congesting the high tone and confusing it with the male epochs. At one point I think the girls realized that I could pick up the who deserved to be the true winner of the male epochs, and at the same time hear the totality of the female epochs, wait a minute i am remembering more, you see, the more intelligent girls were picking the sub genius alpha, while the others were hearing only the alpha wicked male and I realized i guess while I was feeling like more than one female was attracted to me that if you engaged in any of the wickedness, it crippled ones ability not only to be the sub genius alpha, or the true winner, if you will, because he gets the more intelligent girl, but also it crippled ones ability to hear the females epoch, especially the middle of it, like the beginning and end were when the male was going to sleep and when the male was waking up respectively, like the female voice put the male to sleep and woke him up, unless he was a birdie, that wakes the bogies the bogies in proverbs it says, do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil, for they do not sleep unless they have done evil, and their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall it also says the fear of the wicked will come upon him, but the desire of the righteous will be granted, and evil pursues sinners so maybe the mayans were right, or was that the aboriginies, and this is all just a waking dream, a dream in which for the wicked, like in a nightmare, when it seems that evil is pursuing you, either ends with your expectation perishing, or with you waking up, and in waking up it is like lucid dream, in which the desire of the righteous is granted, and like in well maybe, this is like a dream for the wicked, and they are not actually awake at all, the ones who are awake have the fear of god, perhaps, and that is why in each epoch perhaps that is what this book is for, because I doubt that this information is any much use for those already in possession of the fear of god, in the bible it says that the fear of god is a choice, perhaps back then since it was something you probaly saw in the eyes of those who had it, well in that case you had no choice, but if you were told you did, perhaps you did have more of a choice than if you were never told at all like alot of people today perhaps the book existed before us, and it was scrapped, because everything happened too perfectly,

I know that alot of what i have to say might sound confusing, and for clarification the wicked sound says it is all about me, which can still be done with righteousness and not be wicked, if you have the high tone, which means grace, meanwhile the high tone, says it is about you, even when it is about me, as I

just explained, I think that what they can hear, that is girls when someone speaks to them, when a guy speaks to them with the high tone, there are some people that help other people hold more, there was a guy who told me that i was almost out, like he was describing me as a balloon nearly deflated and at the time he was right, what he did not know is that I find it easily and use it wisely, even more wisely now, gaining more self awareness while writing, and greater fear of the lord as his plan becomes clear, and the intricacies draw me near, I feel the fear of the lord, capitulating my mind with mystery, and intelligence beyond words, strengthening my heart with every verb

I actually thought the jail was a great machine which allowed people to meet and greet their maker if they were ready, and in that process judgements were delivered on the spot, in fact, and I thought I heard the jailers commenting that,"he figured it out" when I realized that to save yourself from the immoral woman who came by like a ghost in the mornings and sucked your soul out from under your door, it was that much an abomination, to save oneself, all one had to do is find in ones mind the one girl, at first it was only one, and I say one, because who is lucky enough to have more than one, one girl capable of elevating the fidelity of his situation until it was out of reach for the abomination. In other words the one girl capable of freeing one from any and all temptation. Well I realized that what the abomination was, was actually a woman with too much power, and that she had too much power from visiting one of the other men there, one of the other men whom I had told to call, because we were all calling, calling up new realities, and I say that because it is so rare that a girl is not the one quickening a mans heart, that is why man is so easily tempted, you hear it in the proverbs, and well this is not always a bad thing, it stands to quicken the mind and strengthen the heart if a man feels not the temptation and therefor the actual changes in thinking and the speed of the heart might be smaller depending on the man and his ability to love the woman, and when I say love, I mean take his quickened heart slow it and lower his voice, and thereby quicken her mind and that of those who came before her enough for them to live inside her. And I know this is my imagination at work here, but it seemed like we, the men, there were all like a prize, like we had all been captured, perhaps for being to high, spiritually, for that is a crime, and we were being protected, until we learned the lesson, and that was the lesson, that every other day the men got their chance, while the women slept, it was safe for those women who heard the call to come and copulate with us. Well i know this is irrelevant, but I built in a backdoor, so that on the days of men one might expose himself to the jailers that existed outside of our system of days so that they might know which girl we knew that god preferred for us, therefor the first girl, but because the whole goal was to rescue us from our wickedness, there developed a system of days, and on different days for the glory of god you might receive different women, of course the problem was that the enemy doesn't sleep, so we had to come up with ever more elaborate systems to confuse the enemy, secret codes and such, codes within codes, and then I realized that all intelligence has emerged from not only the war waged between good and evil, but also out of mans love for woman. you could only have one girl on your heart on any given day. Once we woke up to righteousness and the idea that one man is for one woman well we realized You see the girls slept on one day, and we slept on the other, so each girl had a number just like she had a special place in your heart, and perhaps the reason I realize this much detail is because, the code for each woman as created by man, actually represents that womans day and her energy, and to keep from offending other men, it is simple do not claim the energies in your voice of more than one woman at a time, that is the reason that women have numbers and energies, so that one might modulate and inflect their voice accordingly, to suit her needs and only her needs, if you do more than that, you are doing less than that, and the mouth of the wicked might devour iniquity but and yet maybe not the available girl, and which girl we preferred second, and so on, and I devised this elaborate system, so that only the jailer would know who I loved. I think

I realized this because I also realized that for some reason

Love is a great mystery because there is a love that I have had in my life that is completely intellectual in nature, and yet no less powerful, when it came to inspiring hope which in turn leads to actions which perform functions that make up, if the love is true, a godly path. I say that this love is intellectual, not only because I am an intellectual, and she was an intellectual, but how can you love something so similar to yourself and not love yourself? Meanwhile, that love carried me through in times of need till I found my self falling in love with someone who felt like more of an intellectual and emotional opposite, and well she built a house out of me.

This will go into a second book. i believe that megan like me is every soul, at all the times and places neccessary for the advancement of consciousness.

And to reiterate a point from the first novel, since no soul is born without parents, the highest goal of consciousness is for the parents to love the child, and hence be in love. There is such a thing as knowing too much, and that is why I say that love is the highest goal and that intelligence is only a secondary goal. Some people have the ability through superior mental capacity to inhabit I believe and control the bodies of those inferior to them. Fortunately, and this comes from the first book too, those who have superior mental ability are the product of greater conflagrations of souls.

So destiny would have it that those with greater substance also carry a heavier burden. What did jesus mean when he says that, "my yolk is easy and my burden is light"? I think this is a fair question considering the crucifixion. One might suggest the answer lies in understanding a proverb, "the way of life winds upward for the wise, that he may turn away from hell below." A true explanation for this I believe revolves around the phrases in juxtaposition. And I do believe that the greater the spiritual burden the easier the earthly one,

Is it possible that jesus practiced abstinence while the bible speaks of the wisdom of having a wife, and he never once preached abstinence? I am not suggesting that he was anything but faithful, merely that he achieved higher fidelity with a wife. Not to mention the outlandish presumption that he lived and died to save humanity, a prophit or the son of god if you will, and failed to procreate. Peculiar to say the least.

first while reading a book called the last three minutes by paul davies I found perspective and grace in the knowledge of our apparent cosmic insignifigance and I could no longer fathom why my parents fought like they did when we could all be gone tomorrow and on the cosmic scale it would not appear to mean much. did a gracious woman retains honor. Because women keep the high tone of those who serve it to them,

I have left out some seemingly minor turning points for reasons of subtlety. You see I was afraid of scaring away conservative readers with abstract and esoteric notions. Had I told what is the full story sooner, i might have lost some of the readers. You see I realize that each novel moment in life spawns a new

You may say what you want about my imagination, but if it is not of god, then it is one heck of a convenient coincidence that the substance of my imagination is the substance of my recovery if not providing it.

I once said that the high tone is in fact the subconscious, or rather the unconscious, and that the act of thinking, if not inspired by it, eliminates it, reclaiming it is a subject that is better left to specialists meaning is metaphor, like the substance of the meaning behind the sensation of eating sugar, is actually a feeling, or at least this is what the feeling reminds me of, a feeling of exploring and that mixture of fear and excitement about discovering something new. Chocolate is love. Love itself, rather the act, of making love, the climax is like a coming together, toward a common goal complete with all the lucrative opportunities and pitfalls associated with doing so. For instance, doing so, can be exciting since success means not only individual success but collective success, where as failure means the reverse, which can be devastating when the individual feels personally and individually responsible for the success or failure of the enterprise. the fear of the lord, differs from the fear of the wicked in that it is not crippling, the fear of the wicked might be a crippling fear, where as the fear of the lord while a heart stopper, ultimately does the following as expressed in proverbs chapter 3 be not wise in your own eyes fear the lord and depart from evil it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones. So I think it is correct to say the fear of the lord is invigorating.

I have felt what it is like to be "thrown away" or at least it felt that way, and at the same time or a similar epoch of my life to feel what it is like to prove yourself as well as to still need to prove yourself, and the dangers of doing so.

I believe that some generations, the wicked ones, live at the expense of the ones that proceed from them, these generations are being systematically removed from the earth, and others live to the glory of those that proceed from them, these are the ones that take over where the wicked leave off.

I had a dream while I was in jail that I lived and died each time afterward pleasantly exasperated to the point of exhiliration with the prospects of doing it again, I say each time because some times weren't so pleasant it was like each time I know it is the beggining because not only am free from all emotional baggage but I know that I am about to begin a computer game that I have just finished playing and which I know is challenging and rewarding, and above all I remember a mental state in which there were no consequences, of course there were consequences when I played sometimes I found myself in a tunnel the end of which contained two people my stepmother and my half brother, and we are left there like the only people who made it this far, without anything to speak of except a television set which doesn't work, then sometimes, I found myself found emotionally enthralling, exhillerating, and perhaps challenging in the sense that

Another File since the wicked are just about as likely to have this information as the righteous, I think it is only right that everyone have it, and perhaps some of this information is more suited to the wicked than the righteous, so perhaps they will avail themselves of it, and meanwhile for those who are righteous and have never fallen, well perhaps they are the ones who need it the most to better defend against increasingly powerful and not to be feared antagonistic androids of elipsoid souls

For the righteous who have never fallen I hope that much of this information is unfamiliar, since those who have never lost power, would not yet be as familiar with all the reasons why it is lost, as those who have had so much that losing it is simply inescapable, and hence know the intricacies of keeping large amounts safe and protected

I won't tell you this first, but the number one reason that couples lose face individually is due to a lack of comittment familialy and that stems from lacking true love. Before honor is humility so before loving oneself, it is necessary to first love and fear god, and then it is possible to love another, hopefully an equal as oneself, as god intended, and appreciate what god has given you. As for the wicked, well they are so far from loving oneself, that they seek death, in so doing they attempt to make someone fall before they fall, and that is the only way they can fall asleep. I will tell you and hopefully hear from you, from first hand accounts what it is like to be evil and what it is like to be righteous.

And I do believe that the only people to read this will be the righteous, since, it says for whom the lord loves he corrects just as the father the son in whom he delights, and it also says, but the ways of the just are like the shining sun that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day, the way of the wicked is like darkness, they do not know what makes them stumble.

Remember it says the way of life winds upward for the wise, that he may turn away from hell below, and who is winding upward, I wonder and how far down did they go first, and what do they have to say about what they learned, see there are some couples who play a game like individuals who set up others for a fall, they might gain power by ruining someone elses day, but in the end they are left without the protection of the high tone, and they know not why they fall, but they fall to any couple with more power than them, and those couples who are in true love, do not even notice the high tone perhaps, they are able to share in the devouring of iniquity, and feed on foolishness, so he who is least foolish holds upright,

I am just like everyone else, one of the wicked striving to be upright, well at least that other part is true for me, how about you will this story inspire you

everything is an interplay of expectations, so he who expects reward from no where outside of himself, only from god, and therefor from within, lives in a state of pure expectation

who is there to be feared more than the bored, besides god, if you cannot sound the most bored, then you will not build peoples expectations for when, if, and how you will sound the most excited, who is able to sound the most bored, and yet wise enough to be easily excited, while able to be the most easily able to excite he who has the fear of the lord, and has seen it all, and only want you and everyone else to see it too the parallel universe with the most high tone, spin offs, the tape with the most high tone, the confusion with the least what is the purpose of our lives by humility and the fear of the lord, are riches and honor and life how do people get away from the fear of the lord, the question is not how they get away but how they get back the high tone is not how high or low in octaves the person speaking speaks, rather it reflects something about the state of mind of the speaker, it is not what is said but the effect that saying it has on it's affected

I believe that the hand of god is orchestrating events so that there will be more high tone in the future than there has been in the past when my high tone is higher than my stepfathers, he would be well advised to hear the fear of the lord, and make his voice submissive, and playful, as opposed to hardening his face and my mother would be well advised to remember that he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed, i had such an accumulation of the high tone, and from that high of a perspective I could perceive and understand the operation of multiple days, so some people hold and raise the high tone, by taking it, and caressing it, like it says in emerald tablet, it is a fire that became our earth seperate the earth from the fire and you shall adhere more to that which is subtle than to that which is coarse, the high tone is the product and byproduct of love true love whoever is holding the most, will always be able to better pull than he who hold little, or at least that is true for the ox as for the females it is whoever is willing to hold the least that can pull the most he who can hold the least can teach others to hold more, and hence he can hold more, and hence he can pull more or said differently he who gives easily gains easily and helps others gain easily

Sometimes I think our family is the head of the beast, and by that what do I mean? Well perhaps there is some game being played in heaven, and in the game the reason for playing and therefor the one who started the game is the one who will end the game, and that, I believe and I will argue is our family. I believe that there are an almost infinite number of parallel realities in which our family is playing the game, with the souls of the non believers, but for them to reach back to the beginning and to see the end, they have to have the incentive to play again and no life provides that like ours.

Ultimately what one learns from the game is not to play it unless they want a more intense experience than they had last time, and therefor one learns the fear of god, by playing the game, and where better to learn that then from the wicked.

Since the wicked started the game, and the righteous finish the game, what happens to those, who never finish, well then they never knew us.

I am afraid that the information contained in this book is going to be used for evil, but if the righteous need it as much as the wicked, then perhaps, well the righteous could need it more than the wicked, and perhaps it will carry the righteous over the ravene that the wicked fall into, even while enlightening some of the wicked to tempt the righteous.

My hope is that this story will inspire the fear of the lord in you, and not tempt you to play with fire.

Because if you do, then you become the beast, and that means all of the baggage that is the beasts. For I will redeem them all, for I gave life to them all.

Only he who knows of the depths might appreciate the view from the heights. the game ended for me after being taken to a hospital where they promptly released me, so convincing was I of my mental health, and then I promptly climbed into the back of the nearest ambulance and despite strong feelings, the strongest gut feelings I have ever had in my life that what I was doing was wrong, I tried to imagine that I was going to be reborn, well see you have to go back further than that, to when I was living in colorado, and after accumulating momentum like a ball of

snow rolling down the mountain only to climb back up the other side, I took it upon myself to accumulate some funds and make a name for myself at burning man, where I experienced everything from time turning backwards as long as no one tried to turn it forwards, and hence as long as no one, tried period, and then experienced, moments of perfection I have no name for except the name of the camp which I believe is, where I experienced the transcendence of entrenched male and female patterns of perception only to make friends with everyone, and some more unbelievable things that you will perhaps hear about later, anyway I got put into jail and the charge which I did not know at the time was assault on a health care provider, where I held the court of the lamb hung and died, rose again and that is why I say the game ended well it was also the beggining, so in fact it was a rebirth for me.

You see in the dream where the game ends, well everytime it ends it begins, and that is what we were doing in the jail. It was a baby factory. A factory that turned harded criminals into loving fathers. I do not think that society would want anything else for a facility designed to incarcerate.

I told the man riding in the cab next to me, he was a healer, and he confirmed that I was a okay the day before by asking me if I believed in an omniscient omnipotent and omnipresent god that is alpha and omega, and so on, so even after he heard that I had indian blood from way back and concluded that I might have animal spirits he was still friendly with me, and well then I asked him about my father who I told him might have something to do with the illuminati, since his parents did not want him to marry my mother, and he freaked out, Of course the whole time I am thinking if there is a god, then surely he is omnipotent and hence in charge of the illuminati, if he is in charge of anything making it an object of fascination and perhaps good, rather than wickedness and ridicule.

It is like the time I am walking with the

I am really just a broken man trying to make good on his life.

You made this story, and you may read it, and you may not, but in the end you made it happen.

Because if there is one thing that is true about me, well I did not ever have an identity but in relationship with others. the story will be divided into three parts, the early years, where alot of mischief happens, and that is for purely scientific purposes included. The middle years, where I am learning the fear of the lord. And finally the later years where I am perfecting the fear of the lord. skip the whole thing if you do not know if you want your mind and heart corrupted, especially the early years, and she said hit it hit it, and I hit it, with all I was holding, which was like less than seventy percent, and yet I could have upped the ante if I had said, as a command to her, take it, hold it, then i would have had the last word, and the high tone,

sometimes I feel like my family or think that they are the head and the tail, the body of the beast is everyone who came into contact with it,

I was completely sober and the child cried with joy and I ought to tell kathy and duane about it, trying to kill, the splendor, the child, the future, to live in the present forever, to control the destiny of all fate, and yet it works to gods advantage when his children are tested, and that is why he allows it,

I believe in you, a casual saying, for me tonight as a driver, almost tounge in cheek and yet with a double entendre, of faith in the undescribable what if there were a story we could tell that would allow us to know one another as ourselves, what if that story began with acknowledging that we are all looking for validation, validation for our entire existence one soul at a time, and that story begins and ends here what if the seed of christs incarnation that is the seed of god did not exist at the time but by the grace of god, to put it in pedantic poetry, or by the time traveling aliens, it existed as the fruit of the work he performed while on earth

I see you, good looking out hopes and dreams, talk about it before being rash might as well do everything else that you fear first before that fear of and fear for, not against a merry heart, the purpose of life, to live and be loved, to believe in one another, how can we do that if we are broken, by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken sometimes I have so much high tone I could not possibly know what to do with it, and by that I only mean that no one is around to use it on, and that means no fruit of the mouth one of the greatest secrets of the bible and the proverbs is that he stores up sound wisdom for the upright now you might not believe it if you have not experienced it, and you certainly have not experienced it, if you are not upright, and you are not upright unless you fear the lord, and how can you fear the lord without understanding the proverbs learning the proverbs it is not good to eat much honey, so to seek ones own glory is not glory wisdom is in the sight of him who has understanding but the eyes of the fool are on the ends of the earth getting treasures by a lying tounge is the fleeting fantasy of those who seek death humility and being small to humble and enlarge the humility of the less than small or a mans gift makes room for him and brings him before great men the preparations of the heart belong to man but the answer of the tounge is from the lord when you have gotten the fear of the fear of the lord, well you are ready for the way, your fear of the lord is elevated to a level and place of perfection by humility and the fear of the lord are riches and honor and life, however it is not good to eat much honey so to seek ones own glory is not glory the fruit of the fear of the lord is hope and fear, respect and awe, for something greater, and that leads to life speaking the fruit of the mouth, brings health, to the bearer of the words and the receiver, breathing new life into the one lacking and the one bearing the fear of the lord, the headline will read, new way of communicating, using rising and falling tones improves health and mental agility the author of the study is writing a book and taking submissions for authentic and moving accounts of quality mastering the technique requires understanding the proverbs of the bible mastering the technique requires the fear of the lord increasing ones appreciation and expectation of and for life hey how are you doing, said with so much grace and in you face fucking honest love, while at the same time detachment and calm cool collection taking the high tone do you validate it with the deep and honest tone that it calls for

I am working on a research proposal, and I would really appreciate your help, does flattery get a guy anywhere, or do you find it ingratiating? let me start with a less flattering statement, megan I think that there is a hole in your aura, and I think I know why as much as you do. life is dark and does that mean that death is light either way I trust you will trust me when I tell you that we might be able to set the record straight you see it is all about finding a prudent wife, and a prudent wife will find a first rate man

I now know what makes the flowers bud and the blossoms bloom

I am going to tell you the story from the beginning, as much as possible, since you are to be, well if you will, be the wire and I will be the rod, no pun intended rodman together we make electricity and birth babies I meant to write wife and not wire, and the typo let flow a loss of words

I am breathing better now and let me tell you why well let me first tell you that my stepfather had a dream, well not yet, first let me tell you my mothers dream, she was in a basement and there were these people a man and a woman and they were having, well bell, the name of our late and very intuitive dog, a beagle known for being emotional, and she was having a real human baby, and it was aparently very painful,

I do not remember all of the details, but apparently the parents were not helping according to my mom, and she did not know why she was there, but she took over, and was like get in here, and like when the baby came out it was like stillborn or something not breathing and it had stuff, mucus or something in its mouth and she had the parents clear this from it, so it could breath, but in the dream she never got to see it breath, and to me when she told me about this dream, and it is very rare that my mother has a dream that she tells me about, and it was the night after we talked, so to me it meant that we would have a baby and at the same time that I was the baby, since the knowledge that you were to be my wife and the mother of my child(ren) well it allowed me to breath, and the knowledge that your parents were in on it, well it all better helped me to breath easy, and know that all the stuff that I wanted to tell you on the phone that night well it was real, and we were real, every since, I have been breathing easier, and seeing clearer, and rising higher in the tone that I bring with others, and that has led me to greater insight and well you see I would really appreciate telling you the rest on the phone nevermind that idea, I will write it all, first let me tell you who you are to me, and perhaps who I will be to you there was a day before jessie and I became one, and that was right when I was still talking to you, and well, I recall telling someone that I had two girls one that was a snake and the other that was a dream ever since I understood who you were, and what you were about, well, allow me to flatter you if you will hear it that way, and say it was a dream, and the dream grew to a magnitude and porportion that it almost did not seem real the longer we knew eachother, and then one day when what might have happened might have changed everything, well I saw you at daniels place, and I was in the parking lot across the street, and well, you did not see me pull in but, when i saw you, well if I had not hesitated, and well when you saw me we would have, well let's not go there, you see, allow me to share pretention, that is how I know that I am your dream as much as you are my dream, because on that morning well my hair looked like yours always did, and the look on my face, which somehow I knew would always be there, well it had all of the look that yours always did, when you were hunting magic and well if you will let me be the organ to your muse, if you still might kindle the innocence and curiosity to induldge the creative veins in these loins to your yoni and my lingam I found the face of the snake repulsive at times, and well the point is that she led me to learn how to strike, and that has ceded in me that which I might not have found otherwise

I do not know, and do not particularly care at all if you think that you woman, are more intelligent than me man, but, I will say this, reading proverbs, and gaining the fear of the lord, has enabled me to inhabit and entwine minds with more females than reading alone

I do believe that before I got put into jail, and after burning man, you entrusted me with your mind, and body and that has led me to know the heart and mind of almost anyone male and female well if I tell the truth to you, when we were talking and I became really manic, I think that day we had been chatting on facebook, maybe you can recall what about, perhaps I mentioned that you and I were adam and eve, and we dreamed it all up, and all that, well, I was manic and I remember taking souls with your help, and you know how sometimes, that when you are manic it is like there is this window of opportunity where changes are being made, well this is a change, and window which

I will remember making and walking through, till the day I die or rise or whatever, So I knew that the window was closing, and first let me tell you about a recurring dream that I had as a child, and in this dream, one of two dreams that recurred, more properly a nightmare, though it begins and it is a beautiful day, and I am in the backyard, where I see a deer, the most lovely, delicate looking beautiful animal known to man, and all I remember wanting to do besides appreciate it, is to help others to appreciate it, and and I remember it being the most delicate looking, and beautiful deer, to see on the most beautiful day, and and it all happened in, and here I was with all of these souls and because here I was with all of these souls an and without you there for me to hold them, well, and trust me, I know this might be hard to think about, remember I lost her too, well she held them for me, and I layed on her, and let her feel me, and by that I mean the electricity that flowed in me at that time, and I knew that even before I layed on her, the heart in me that was pumping, so hard, I heard that there was another woman in the garden, and her name was lilith, and anyway, maybe that was the snakes plan, and you know that when you are manic, well, there is, sometimes, at least for me, there is a window of opportunity and changes are cemented, the beginning of proverbs is like a narrow gateway, it talks about knowing wisdom and instruction, and it tries to bore the uninitiated, the fool right from the start, so that he think not one second about taking the path that might lead to what is truly dangerous knowledge for him have you heard about the energy what do you mean the energy the energy in the light what do you mean in the light well you do not see it he doesn't know what it is well what is it you do not see it you hear it well then why do you call it the energy in the light don't worry when you hear it you will understand later on

I think i get it, the energy in the sound creates pictures in the mind right and the energy in the light, once you hear it, nothing exists anymore, right all that exists is the sound, and the sound makes everything real everything is love and sound controlled the female raises the mans frequency providing excitement, and the male lowers the females frequency providing her with peace and the excitement about owning the male which excites other females, the pushing and pulling feels good and fills one up, and how that energy is used, is how the heart is tested

it all started, when because I was a skeptic that loved science, and low and behold my mom had taught me to love reading, even if she was not a reader, and that day that she took me to the science fiction section in the basement of the library and handed me book after book off the shelf until one took hold, the green futures of tycho by william sleator, and after reading all of his books, well it was time for me to graduate to hard science, and that is when things really grew strange,

I mean never did I imagine that me a hard core skeptic and lover of science might find reason to believe and conclude thanks to some mathematical proofs that the four fundamental fources are unified in a higher dimension, to conlcude that the perspective ascribed to god necessarily exists. That day occured at the beginning of what would become a very memorable life, at some point during a very memorable eighth grade year, one in which I would lose my viginity, and maybe it actually started, when my mom heard me making strange noises and thought that my organs were not attached properly as a man baby.

A happy childhood, I never remember meeting anyone that I could not make happier in some small way. I guess that is why I found it so strange that the new kid, one year picked me to single out, and make fun of. The idea that someone might actually seek to make another person feel bad made no sense to me. Of course later that same year we all played smear the queer and the tables were turning frequently enough to make me feel strong. It was not something I looked forward to, and it would be something, violence that is, that I would avoid like a pacifist for the remainder of my

women are looking for that man that can hit someone with that sound that says I would never have hit you first, and you made a mistake by hitting me first, because I can hit alot harder than you, and I am going to let everyone know that by just how gently and effortlessly I am able to hit harder than you.

I remember when I met her, not a word, not a gesture, and yet, all the gestures and all the words, were known to us.

Intimate knowledge of the other, one another's every movement and thought exposed and revealed. It was like we each knew that we were the ones who were able to absorb and reflect anyones energy, and the fact that we were not able to absorb one another's without losing some first, that is making the first move, led us each into a standoff. A standoff of studied and practicied, disintrest, not even disinterest, not even avoidance, that would be too obvious. She found it more annoying I think, though I know that we each found it frustrating, because we each knew that we were meant to absorb eachothers energy and in time we knew that neither of us were going to let the other gain a leg up. singing objects into existence, this is what the energy in the light is all about, this is the lesson at the heart of the proverbs. and I thought that I was going to start a new fad, a nation wide craze, rolling around in the grass of our backyards. It might sound banal but trust me, it's orginality is only underscored by simplicity to fit an ironic twist on the fact that we might have been doing it all along. the high tone is easily understood as the ability of one to hold the attention of a child in a positive way by the sound quality of voice.

I remember when we were in the grocery store and the baby boy down at the end of the aisle began to laugh and the laugh was unmistakable in it's control of and residing in the high tone. It was my laugh and that is why it did not frighten me, like it did jessie. I guess she thought that I might find it threatening, and when they came near, and the boy did not stop laughing, I knew it when it was happening because I had seen it happen before, he was turning us into eachother, me into a female, and her into a male, and the effect like it says when the whirlwind passes by the wicked is no more, but the righteous has an everlasting foundation, so the effect might have been to confuse us to the point beyond all recognition but the truth is that for jessie to be able to be the boy, she had to be her and for me to be able to father one like him,

I had to be me, you see, we each had already found that tone in one another, and hence all will find it

I told a friend the other day that I believe that there is a simple way to explain what I have been learning in proverbs and that it has the power to change the world however to truly understand proverbs one must I believe remember and out loud recite them, and even then, it takes a prudent wife, to embody all the wisdom, and keep it alive, to reconcile a high tone of that of this generation to that of older and younger generations and to pass one on it is hard to taste ones potential and not be able to reach out and touch it to understand the proverbs without knowing them is to elicit love without owning it it is like knowing the way to walk the way of the just like the shining sun and shining brighter and brighter unto the perfect day, but actually still walking the way of wicked, which is like darkness, they do not know what makes them stumble to know and understand proverbs is to know what makes one stumble, and in that knowledge one might walk the way of the righteous to simplify proverbs one must recall that there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it is the way of death to control someones expectations is to control who creates the change, which is to control mind and body, and that is why they say blessings are on the head of the righteous, and be not wise in your own eyes, it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones, because your mind and body receive the energy that you create in others by allowing them to find hope and exceed expectations in life and creation. that is accomplished by pushing and pulling, pulling out hope, like it says sweetness of the lips increases learning and the tounge of the wise promotes health or pleasant words are like a honeycomb sweetness to the soul and health to the bones and more importantly maybe, is pushing the fear of the lord, which has the action of pulling the fear of the lord out of others in the form of sweetness and the less one concentrates on oneself as the creation of the sweetness the greater one's ability to bring glory to the lord and remember that it is not good to eat much honey so to seek ones own glory is not glory the stress is on the words is not remember he stores up sound wisdom for the upright, and is a shield to those who walk uprightly also if you are falling recall that it says do not despise the chastening of the lord, nor detest his corrections for whom the lord loves he corrects just as the father the son in whom he delights the key is maintaining the fear of the lord, and who else is wiser than him who knows the words of the wise, for it says the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom sometimes glory is brought to the lord, and the fear of the lord is maintained by silence, for it says he who restrains his lips is wise, and sometimes glory is brought to god by speaking for it says that death and life are in the power of the tounge and those who love it will eat it's fruit to know the difference between the two one might say is sound wisdom or working wisdom, as you read in the concordance and while the fear of the lord brings knowledge remember that happy is a man who finds wisdom, and he who gains understanding, her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, her gain than fine gold, she is more precious than rubies and all of the things that you may desire cannot be compared with her, length of days is in her right hand, in her left hand are riches and honor her ways are ways of pleasantness and all her paths are peace she is a tree of life to those who take hold of her and happy are all who retain her so while we are talking about the fear of the lord, we are also talking about peace and pleasantness and finally that mythical and controversial bastion called happiness but also remember that a prudent man conceals knowledge however if you want to you will hear it, for it says, wisdom calls aloud outside, she raises her voice in the open square, she cries out in the cheif concourses, at the openings of the gates she speaks her words if that has not wet your appetite for proverbs I do not know what will bob said he had a dream that someone would come along and tear the roof off of the factory and break the mechanism that controls the machines turning all of the mechanical horses and people into real horses and real people restoring the earth and cleansing it of the wicked, leaving only the amish looking folks well I was trapped in a factory, and I believe that understanding what I have to say will do the trick and turn the earth into heaven one person at a time one family at a time one soul at a time one child at a time a falling tone, with added grace, faces one to the lord, as much or more than the rising tone affected with grace faces one toward wisdom but only arrives by the fear of the lord and there is nothing like the two when combined unmistakable is the frightening and beautiful power of this musical tone surely we all will hear it and mark it as our existential call to exit or enter the gate of heaven, for it says that the evil will bow before the good and the wicked at the gates of the righteous

I heard it when I was in the factory for it was I who created it, along with my family, the secret is in working wisdom, for it says a scoffer seeks wisdom and does not find it, but knowledge is easy to him who understands go from the presence of a foolish man when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge and that is what you will do when we make the tape for first is the knowledge that adds wisdom of days for it says when the whirlwind passes by

if a womans control and influence on a man is effortless, and the proverbs allow a man to feel vulnerable like a woman, then what happens when a man's influence on another man is effortless if the psalms make a woman more like a man, and a man is a student of detachment, confidence, and power, then what happens when a woman is not flattering and clamorous if pulling is like truth and grace is like mercy then we also have humility

I wish updating a rich and buttery fear of the lord effort less for whoever holds the fear holds the power to pull and concentrate sweetness if it is a hit and not a miss the result of all the pushing and pulling, is that one is filled with the spirit, and the ability to turn one up or turn them down and that is how one either saves and or devastates one's soul by saving and or devastating anothers soul however the righteous learn from losing, and being turned down, that they might have saved the day, but the important part is the suffering and the memory of the excitement that they missed, combined they keep hope alive, and for a time when the desire rises again in the heart, and that memory takes one to a greater height, than before one first fell, and that combines with a new experience, of exceeding expectations and or falling farther, combined with the feeling of what might of been the hope however small allows one to feel even more excitement and rise higher and therefor save even more people, and or fall farther, and repeat, ultimately the righteous are never turned down, except by themselves, for it says it is not good to eat much honey, so to seek one's own glory is not glory, and there is a way that seems right to a man but it's end is the way of death,

I only know this from experience, being filled up allows one the advantage of filling up others, and therefor setting them within reach of enlightenment, now let me tell you about the concept of turning in detail in detail that is in detail well first thing is first, to turn, on the path of righteousness, well the question is how much strength is requried for self control, surrender vs. strength, mercy vs. truth male and female male energy is rare, what is even more rare is the male male that is still female female only the truly righteous know the answer to the question here and he who knows it all of the time exists only in theory another way to phrose the question in time is whether one poses, a threat, or might protect against it, and therefor whether to let the energy move from the head to the body, or from the body to the head where in the heart and mind to operate from is the age old question of many a master and comes only with experience and the road to peace of mind and exhiliration of the body lies paved by the fear of the lord the fear of the lord distributes the energy evenly between heart and mind so that a man has more energy in his body and hence his heart, with it a man's mind is protected, perserving truth, confidence, and charity for a female whether the energy is moved from the head to the heart ought to be a no brainer, you have turned me and I will let you turn me again, because I have got all that you need, a very dangerous thing indeed, and if man was not pruned he might let that happen again and again, for coming to another's hard heart, opening it with a key, is, if nothing else is, a greed inducing scheme, do not despise the chastening of the lord, for whom the lord loves he corrects, just as the father the son in whom he delights the ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among the wise and hence suffering the rebukes and the chastening is the only thing that seperates the wicked from the righteous the only thing that women fear more than a righteous man, is a man that is smarter than them, and I think that they fear them both, only that the fear that a righteous man induces is more one of exhiliration and filling potential. The rules for a woman in this situation is the same for that of a man, to gain maximum effect, give one another a little, for a little of the high tone, goes a long way, and the less there is the more room for growth there is, for he who is able to hold a little with grace, might hold a lot one day give her only as much as she can hold, and if you want him to hold more, start him out on as little as possible call me when you are stable, I do not mean that as a jibe, and I am not going to make excuses for the way I speak, I love you and I want you to be well. and if you are in a place to hear it, and I hope that you are, I want you to know that I am fairing rather well, there is the making of a respectable author in me, and I want you to know that there were times when I felt like I was turning into you, like I would wake up and be, you and you me, and I tell you this only with great trepidation, since I have lost one soul that I thought I loved, and do not want to lose another, I mean you might find that frightening, and to tell you the truth, it frightened me I think if I am honest, in a good way, like I was afraid that it was going to happen, which would turn into excitement ceamlessly, and then eventually fear that it wasn't going to happen, again, forgoe any thought, I refuse to use any more cliches if it is not cliche and you are too good for irony, what is it classic? legenday! authentic? Mythical? Either way I would lie to keep it fresh, meant to write like, not lie, honest no I think that is what we did, adam and eve, we lied, and that is how we found out the knowledge of good and evil, the fruit, so it is true, and it is a lie, but who is your author, I want to know your folks a little better, I feel like I know your mother, and similarly there is something suspicious about them both, that I find a little familiar,

I would like to keep it original, and I remember when you told me you were scared, and I think I said that I was too, well

I am not anymore, alright lorna, the ball is in your court, no pun in tended three days and then heaven what are three days like ten thousand years? the fear of god allowed me to walk in anyones skin i mean the experience allowed me to no longer fear death, and hence have the greatest faith in god, if it was not for that sober miracle it all might have been an hallucination

I know I would not have known for sure of course it is nice to think that I might have gone on to do it all but that is only permutation upon permutation the ideal is set before the verdict comes up so I tried to be thorough and began facing my emotional fears at the juncture of greatest perceived leverage, which turned out to be the greatest actual vulnerability, interesting, that is how it goes and if it were not for that moment of occlusion just would not have known the porous and pithy proverbs would not have known jessie or megan and what life would that have been exactly but there is a difference between unconscious judgement and perhaps instruction by a mystical and divine being, and willful ignorance there is a differnece between being awake and dreaming and having a nightmare, in one the consciousness and quality of thought is like the way of the just, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day like the shining sun but the way of the wicked is like darkness, they do not know what makes them stumble call tyler holder call greg fox call guy russel and tell them about the story when I was following instructions and stepping up to face my fear of losing, since it was greater at the time well there was a funny thing that happened, something that I took very seriously and that was because of where I had been, and where I had been I will tell you, I had been the details are sketchy, and the gain is incredible, mathematically marvelously marked the loss, oh the loss, well that is imeasurable, like jesus death, and also like his death, immaterial, and paradoxically precious and not at all ostentatious for the greatest fear of all is having understanding and being misunderstood, well what to do that is not true but I write it he speaketh not of precosious ness but in fear of the lord and or understanding perfect in clarity for the ear of the wise I learned to follow instructions, and in so doing, perfect reactivity for the will of the lord, being educated in how to fall, I learned to climb, for the way of life winds upward for the wise, that he may turn away from hell below and that is the story of how my life began, it is okay to love god anyway one chooses, simply because he is the man behind it, behind the curtain, and behind the mask for we all get to wear our masks, and that is all that they are, wear them well, and do not forget to remember who you are and where you came from, we came from adam and eve, and a great lie that was told by the serpent, and all that has followed might be seen from the perspective of god as a great lie, unraveling, his son unraveled it some and we are left waiting for him to return, is that so, to finish the work, the lie is all designed to make us like him, and that is to know the difference between good and evil, and not abuse that knowledge, to make our own edens and teach our own children how to live fine and extraordinary lives, without wanting or needing anything else and proverbs teaches us the way to learn how to resist the allure of the fruit, while leading godly lives, the lives I believe that we were meant to live, because I believe that god, not only warned us to not eat of the fruit, but he also warned the serpent the way to enlighten us to that dangerous knowledge that we all now live with. so that we might know the son as the father, and life might bring itself closer to the divine carefully and patiently gingerly and deliberately, drawing near and trembling with reverence, coming closer and with each step trepidation for he said be fruitful and multiply, so that love might find the fray, and fear might find the way

all I am saying is that when you are living the fruit of a lie, and you take the knowledge of the ultimate lie inside of you, it becomes the truth, or it becomes another lie, depending upon how you use it.

Another File

WHAT IF SOMEONE WROTE THE PROVERBS TODAY it would be an international sensation and it is not, right now, but that does not mean that it won't be soon it says that gradual changes lead to crises, where one force overcomes an opposing force (quantitative change leads to qualitative change) it is the sound of synergy, rebuke, and hence qualitative change and if we are talking about forces being overcome, I am not sure that I want to involve the mainstream science community on the other hand it would be nice to see the headline, new way of understanding the proverbs, increases honesty in all who hear with the potential to increase intelligence, happiness, and strength perhaps though we might be able to write headlines and still keep it in house a dialectic chuch the plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty but those of everyone who is hasty surely to poverty maybe it just means that I will never watch my own proverbs but who would not want to watch anothers with all their heart but on the other hand it says take firm hold of instruction do not let go, keep her for she is your life but violence covers the mouth of the wicked hence there is not danger of the wicked speaking more than they already do and god loves those who he corrects so he loves all of the people including the wicked, whose mouth he covers hence why not let them all have it the whole thing is designed to help one value mercy and understand truth and the truth is normally unsettling if you are wicked and hence who is not therefor it fuels one with the fear of the lord and that is why I say it the ultimate turning point and a crises for the wicked or the luke warm only the wicked would seek to make someone fall it also says before honor is humility yea, well it sounds like you have got a good grip of the situation let me throw this one at you the emerald tablet written light it finite since time is ticking till it becomes infinite and we all the only thing that is not infinite is our fear because we always end up facing it even when it is god and that is the only infinite fear because once faced one is immediately thrown off and hence all normal self consciousness returns perhaps the more infinite thoughts we are able to baffle ourselves with the greater our chances of returning to grace light seeming finite stimulates an infinite curiosity about it if you will and that is the souce of all he that is not afraid of god or self consciousness is a wicked man he that is afraid of both is capable elia wise it sounds like you are telling me to choose between atheism and theism what you do not realize is that i have traveled both of the paths and when I was an atheist and I had no dogma concerning right and wrong, well when someone did something wrong to me, and it felt wrong, very wrong, and i am speaking of something kind of private, anyhow, well it existentially felt even wronger because I did not have any conception of why it happened, now that I have traveled the path of believing that right and wrong are like hot and cold, opposites that are one in essence, well now I know that one only leads to the other, and that we came here to forget what it was like to know infinity and to experience limitation in form, and suffering in body, so that we might know the opposite again for the first time. or at least that is the type of thinking that got me in to trouble, big time, and led me ultimately into that great and awesome bastion, misunderstood, and all: Organized Religion what can one say about the paths well we have theism where you might find a little mystery, peace, and fear of the lord and what really is wrong with that unless you want to be god, and hey it says we were created in his image, so perhaps that is where we get that idea that we are gods

I mean it is not like he didn't give us free will and on the other hand we have atheism well is that not full of the bafflement that you told me about and perhaps one might feel existentially helpless and alone, or is that the weakness, that the superman inside of us condems either way, one might in modern times find reason to seek personal actualization and truth be told like the hot and cold story these opposites lead to one another, for it seems prudent and wise to use bafflement and loneliness to seek out the books I have read, and find the actualization I have found, only to gain humility in the end perhaps the goal is to lose ones self consciousness in favor of something greater what is greater than self consciousness nothing except god consciousness and what is god consciousness ah that is the question that you will have to answer for me for in proverbs wisdom is a female perhaps god consciousness is an appreciation for an order behind the face of things that is completely outside of our control a proper paradox, for how can one understand order and therefor appreciate it, if one is not in relationship with it and I think that is why christianity if one is to choose a religion stresses a personal god and what does it mean when he says you shall do all things I have done and yet still greater things and I am in you and you are in me well perhaps god doesn't have free will either perhaps that is the great lie he was in the garden as well, and he created the snake and he couldn't help himself when he tempted himself in eve you see for he is three parts in one and he knew the woman would be the first one to see the possibilites to receive the knowledge of good and evil perhaps she knew as well as the snake that she might make the difference between the two or is that not every females fantasy charge and birthright perhaps that is the one great temptation, knowledge of good and evil since one is then empowered with god like powers, and has free will to decide the fate and destiny of ones own soul and lord forbid others or am I losing you let me quote a proverb if you will wisdom is in the sight of him who has understanding but the eyes of the fool are on the ends of the earth and the one I thought of first it is not good to eat much honey so to seek ones own glory is not glory one might conclude it is all about relationships and therefor forget to know discretion for it also says he who restrains his lips is wise and it is not surprising that we find contradiction here for the first proverb reads to know wisdom and instruction oh well let me skip on down to understand a proverb and an enigma the words of the wise and their riddles and you know what, even since I delivered your pizza, it has come to my attention that, perhaps I am better suited to pulp printed by the christian crowd, rather than the "secular" crowd, after having the last two books describe distateful debauchery without developing the characters as people. They throw people into bed together, and forget to develop their charcters. I cry for the crowd who I guess is so quiet and desperate that they feel empathy. Meanwhile I would like to find something that edifies me thankyou. this is the way it read the first time perhaps god consciousness is paradoxically again like unconsciousness and what is like unconsciousness than wisdom

I mean a female is more unconscious to pain thanks to estrogen obviously she has to earn her pleasure since she has to bear more pain but that is the way of the world and a secret that any man might be willing to learn in the cross

I love how this has all come out as part of a dialectic

I was reading about thesis and antithesis as part of some research for a book and well it got me into the wiki page for dialectic and I found this

Fichtean Dialectics (Hegelian Dialectics) is based upon four concepts: 1.Everything is transient and finite, existing in the medium of time. 2.Everything is composed of contradictions (opposing forces). 3.Gradual changes lead to crises, turning points when one force overcomes its opponent force (quantitative change leads to qualitative change). 4.Change is helical (spiral), not circular (negation of the negation).[6] and I loved it, and after some time all I could think, is that the very concept of things being transient and finite is the inevitable first and last thing to qualitatively be changed into eternal and infinite that is going to be the last turning point because afterwards, all conscioiusness will finally enter god consciousness, and hence unconsciousness, and hence a new big bang, essentially we are back in eden again and god committs controlled suicide tempting himself, and here I am mixing metaphors, as we find in the dilbert author, scott adams writing he concludes, and very elegantly, that god, and I am leaving out parts to his argument, hopefully not the gist, he concludes, that god knowing everything that was going to happen and having the power to do anything, found himself possessed of the ability and the desire to commit suicide and the title of the book is gods debris, he further concludes that we are god in the process of rearticulating himself, my word the point is how do we reach the crises, and that my friend is the subject, solution, and denouement behind he book I am writing ironically found in the way of it's own research furthermor do I want to write the book, can it be written, and do we actually want to reach the turning point, ah that is the question, perhaps all we actually want it the approach, kind of like in the old testament they always worshiped god, until he actually showed up and then they had to look away the night that you wrote me that long email, I stayed up real late thinking about it, and came up with this idea, it was all about how you mentioned something I think we all agree about, that there is the sense that everything is like a great ol' chamber, and on the other hand it has to be infinite, and the reconciliation I thought as a child was that, when you think, first consider a universe of pure nothing and one of pure something, and I think at this very moment even, it comes to me that is why we exist, that is all that existed, pure nothing, which fought with pure something, because if you think about it they are indestinguishable, and well there was a big bang, everywhere all at once, and we find ourselves here, however there is a limit to what we are able to observe in the universe, and it is this limit I assert and submit to you as the saving grace of all our ills, in other words, first let me tell you, the limit exists since, the light from the big bang, the light which existed first, in other words, the distant past, in fact the ultimate beginning, makes up the very edge of our universe, ironically again, and anyway, beyond that, well it is like what we see when we are not looking, therefor like the unconscious, pure possibility, kind of like schrodingers cat, alive and dead at the same time, and in that space there are a million different earths, with a million different permutations, and that is what gives us free will, there is what one guy calls a morphic resonance between them, well to be honest I am afraid to tell you the rest, and perhaps that is the ol fear of god thing again, for it does say that a prudent man conceals knowledge, well I do not want to tempt you anymore than you have already been tempted perhaps sharing knowledge is like sleeping with someone and therefor it is like the proverb, a lovely woman who lacks discretion is like a ring of gold in a swines snout for if a woman is wisdom, and she lays down indescreetly, then to complete the metaphor, her knowledge is no longer scarce, and after that is no longer valuable well I guess that I am god, I mean I am always losing myself, and I suspect that others are too perhaps we are able to shed some light you see what I have written and will be written hopefully by others who read it, well that ought to iron out any wrinkles

there are two forces which are one, competition and reproduction, and competition only seeks to keep reproduction creative and honest, so ultimately the only force is creativity, which is mercy, and truth which is fear predicated on and promulgated by itself see highintelligence.com for more exploration of a slightly different idea and even if you hate, me I hope you feel it when I say thankyou for the opportunity to shapen my heart and mind, against your intellect and versimilitude

there

if you had a more creative mind you would understand do you want me to explain it to you You probaly appreciate the pedantic argument well if the difficulty of a decision is measured by how many choices there are before one then it stands to reason that any decision reached by god, or let's say a rich man, is of greater signifigance than let's say a poor person with little options, since their decisions are based more on needs as opposed to wants, and therefor are more predictable, and less interesting, perhaps all we are saying when we are saying that it was a miracle, is that it is amazing that he had to do anything at all considering that he is god, and by definition that he is doing everything anyway, so he set the stage, and created the strange anomalies we call miracles perhaps out of a mysterious and unknowable, well if you were an agnostic you would appreciate that wording, will to make something out of nothing, for that is all that we are doing here anyway. Yes I just compared us to god, for he does say I and the father are one, and you shall do all things I have done and greater things, and you are in me and I am in you. Well there you have it. Any questions refer them to my secretary. God is out of the franchise. of course the reasoning goes out the window when we are talking about god, I mean obviously there is a dichotomy between god's affairs and ours, him residing in a realm of infinite possibility and us residing in a realm of increasing possibility, and him reaching into our realm, makes us stand up and notice, again I say it is a rare act for an unlimited entity to express a limitation and therefor state that he had to do anything at all, so perhaps the miracle is in him revealing to us his own limitations or am I speaking down to you please do not let me patronize you

I think that the atheist that is motivated by the selfish and sinful desire to avoid sounding like a fool is no different than the religious person who is also full of pride about knowing something that others do not. That said if you are not an agnostic and therefor humble person then well to claim that you know god exists is to gain a pride that god would not ever intend for you to have, rather planning how to better receive guidance, wisdom, and knowledge, strength, and health, leads one to metamorphosize anxiety over the future into enthusiasm over the moment, holding onto more uncertainty allows one to be aware of and thus spontaneously be led in more directions having the knowledge of the secret behind the proverbs allows one to engage in spontaneous and intuitive, acts of obedience to the knowledge that resides in us all thanks to junk dna, of our ancestors knowledge we derive fruition and sacrafice the wicked ways of ourselves and others when called for raising the vibration of all who raise and lowering the vibration of all who lower, if we are higher than the fool otherwise we spare our words and await the raiser who will raise our spirits again and that will happen without a doubt he says that not to think about the future is like telling our heart not to beat well perhaps that is what makes modern humans heart beat, moments that signify and symbolize a time when we will not have to think about the future much, is this a way to measure the high tone is this what makes the skin resistance test work in other words if one is afraid of something then it is causing us to think about the future, and our heart will accelerate at the thought that we are about to be given an opportunity to escape and face down that fear well are we all scientologists now?

I think that is what excites us the most, being part of something bigger than ourselves, and that is what provokes the most fear, missing out on that something bigger because largely we are beyond all of the basic needs, that preclude self actualization

I mean the last one to go before it is what social acceptance, and even that is a thing of the past with facebook, I mean that is the gateway to being part of something larger, the larger social animal and then we all participate in the non zero sum game that is raising the high tone, perhaps that is the neoteny healing eachothers hearts and hurts and then the sky is the limit the power to allow someone to see in themselves the quality and see in someone else the quality and that is the ability to exceed expectations, allows one to forget about tomorrow a little bit, and live in the present, since it is so full of possibility, since what most people daydream about anyway is moments that exceed expectations the key to that lies in ascending the heirarchy of needs facing social fears and allowing the

higher self to take over exceeding expectations is something that strengthens the spirit of man in such a way as to no longer heed the negative thoughts that are prevalent among the uninitiated and or unenlightened believing that we are able to trust something larger than ourselves that we are part of to be there tomorrow, well that is remedy enough for the ills of today knowing that there is a way to stay full, even when we are most afraid of falling, especially then, then we are able to learn to share mercy and that allows us to continue to love truth or perhaps loving truth allows us to learn to fill ourselves up and that increases our sense of our expectations being exceeded if only for the moment, until we learn to control it and that daniel gilbert says is what it is all about having the sense of control, however losing control he says can be worse than never having it at all and the illusion of control is just as rewarding as control is itself if I were to make a movie about the whole thing, then there would have to be interviews of the folks who were on the mountain, and interviews of my mom, and the guards of the prison perhaps, and then what else, girlfriends, the thing is that everything either seems solipsistic or divisive, and perhaps the only thing that seems to be both is the old testament jaynes is saying that thinking is not a consciousness related, and that solutions may be found to judgmental choices without thinking, and that is like thinking that I will be happy that you are happy, the higher form of judgement that might actually acount for more substantial and real progress than its counterpart, happy because maybe there are two types of people which are really one, those that are happy that, and those that try to pretend that they are not nice chatting with you linda if you are open to hanging out, I am more than agreeable, if you know what I mean, I am in search of a friend, confidant, and counterpoint. I simply do not want to surround myself with evil folks. by my estimation it is equally likely that god allowed jesus to bear the sins of the world as it is that he allowed him to bear his own sin, and what I mean by that is that there had to be a point in jesus's ministry, a point of no return, where he became to big to not be noticed by the pharisees, and at that point a cynic might argue that he was no longer able to hear god's warnings because he was listening too hard for what might benefit himself and his ministry the most, and faithful servant that he was, when it came time for the ministry to make it's name, the name that we all think god had intended it for, and I am not arguing, simply suggesting that, the lesson is twofold, well god warned him, and faithful servant that he was, he obeyed, recognizing the treasures in heaven, greater than the shame in his fathers eyes, that would translate to shame on earth if he disobeyed, so he lives on in our imagination as the man who came to die, but is that what the lesson really ought to be, that god kills his only son, to get our attention, to clean our evil ways, perhaps, but perhaps that is not the only evil that we ought to take heed of, perhaps the sin of self estimation, seeing one as wise in ones own eyes, there is more hope for a fool than for him perhaps he might have prolonged his ministry, perhaps he could have become the military leader the hebrews fortold, and yet he did not, what lesson do you think that the priests were trying to teach when they slaughtered him, perhaps do not outshine the shiners, were they totally wrong, well, yes they were, and no they weren't all truth is dialectical and the reason for this dialectic is thus, god does not want any of our light to ever get extinguished again, and that is why he sent our son to see to it that we learn our lesson and learn it right he said that I and the father are one, and you are in me and I am in you, and you shall all things I have done and yet greater things, and knowing all that it does not make it any less of a great act, knowing that he was human and simply had let the power go to his head, only makes the things he said, all the more poingant, because we know not only that he was like us, and therefor we might be like him, a blessing and a precaution, but that he was giving it all that he has got, like us, and that he really believed on some level that the things he was saying to us were true, and that he could not find any fault in them all I am saying is that it is good to go ahead and find reason for a little caution and perhaps an ounce of prevention to ward against all of that grandiose thinking the fear of god is effectively, buttressed, and reflected by, and counterpoint to the fear of being alone, in other words, we fear god because we fear being alone, and he is the only one with the power to leave us alone forever, and hence our fear of being alone fuels and fires our fear of god, since he is the only one who can rescue us from being alone, and yet it is the fear of being alone that can make us quick to be wise in our own eyes, greedy for gain, hungry for attention, glory, and honor, all reasons why one ought fear the lord so the trick is to back off the moment we start to feel the fire, unless you like the idea of hell, that is a joke and sometimes you have to go there to know, believe me I have been there while at the same time walking in your uprightness, and allowing yourself to fear god the question is are you more afraid of losing or gaining, ' because the fear of the wicked will come upon him and we are all wicked if you follow honestly the more one cultivates a fear of god, the source of all love and compassion, the more one is naturally going to feel a fear of being alone, they are one and the same thing, perhaps it is in the spelling, god alone, perhaps it would be the same if alone were spelled with one more l, and hence it would spell all one, the missing l is perhaps the l for the love of god, and that is perhaps what one is lacking when they become greedy for gain, after being alone too long, he who has friends must himself be friendly but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother so all I am saying is that it takes a mustard seed fear god slightly more than one fears being alone, if there is a way that seems right to a man but it's end is the way of death but the way of the just is like the shining sun that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day hence we will know what we did wrong if we lose our way the way of the wicked is like darkness, they do not know what makes them stumble but the desire of the righteous will be granted god will take up our cross for it says good understanding gains favor but the way of the unfaithful is hard deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil so would the opposite not also be true the way of the faithful is easy perhaps my burden is easy and my yolk is light poor misguided fellow and truth is in the heart of those who devise good

I mean it gives new insight into his moments in the woods praying for deliverance from the cross and perhaps the moment on the cross giving up his own will, perhaps that is what god wants, but perhaps he does not want to have to do it quite so dramatically in each of us

I mean I think that perhaps there is some kind of thing about atheists, as opposed to agnostics, where agnostics might, find reason to side with the gnostics, and agree that there is something out there, perhaps even the atheist might lose ground when confronted with the spiritual believer who bears the spirit of something greater socially if not morally, and hence the high ground in the social situation and therefor the high ground morally, or intellectually goes to the believer, and hence we find atheists siding with theists if for nothing else out of a fear that the theists know something that helps them socially, that the atheists do not know, and hence again we see the relationship between the fear of being alone and the fear of god unfortunately one is crippling, and the other heartening, if not excruciating big up on those that take it the above statement is not true, but one finds it heartening, for it is true of the existence of a spectrum, and it does not have to be debilitating and the secret is in the pages here like I said are you slightly more afraid of gaining popularity than losing it, I guess that takes a lot of faith, but perhaps I have walked, and can take that path for you, and I will not trivialize it, it has not always been a walk in the park and it is not like that is not what I asked for and that is right when it says it takes the faith of a mustard seed and so what if I tripped to become closer to god, I always did it under the guidance of an unspoken and unknown proverb to me at the time, and that is one I know now, he who walks with integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will become known, and that is what I mean on the one hand, I always kept my intentions honest, and on the other, I guess it was motivated by a little grandiosity, all in good faith, since it seemed that getting closer to god, and kept the fear of the lord by preserving that integrity when it came time to face the facts with my parents.

when we meet someone that is full. perhaps as full as we might imagine them ever being, and that in turn makes us, if we are not of a broken spirit, and even if we are a little, perhaps it gives us the ability to be full in turn, and what I mean by full, is perhaps the fullness of possibility, for perhaps one is full of light, and light is possibility and only another of equal light is able to tell if it is light or darkness that fills another, and in that moment either be full too, and bless one another, or live in fear of being alone, and god forbid, oh well do not let me patronize you, not making a good impression at that critical juncture, all because one feared being alone, a little more than one feared being together, god, and that is why one fails to make a good impression, not because one failed to recognize the opportunity to gain favor, or because one failed to recognize too the opportunity to make memories, well who takes and makes the lasting impression, he who fears the lord, why, well, perhaps that is for the faint of heart to know, in other words, that is who has greater mercy, for who else can judge who is filled with light and act accordingly, it is interesting to note that the fear of death brings with it the fear of being alone for a lot of people, and I hope I am not trivializing your experience of tribulation in the face of a full moment fraught with possibility, that is what we all are seeking, have you found it yet, and no you will not until you quit looking for it, and start looking for god's will, here is the game plan, this book is for skeptics, and believers alike, you know if it is not for you and if you do not know that you know, then who am I kidding, it is definately not for you either way, it is self referential, and that is a funny way of saying conscious of itself that is who remains conscious and awake, he who fears the lord, that is who takes the lasting impression, regardless of your attempts at bribery the lord weighs the hearts the lord weighs the spirits the lord tests the hearts that is who you are, that is who creates the change you see it all started in late nineteen ninety nine, and there was a lot of talk about, well this was after meeting the girl of the high tone, and making the right decision, coming home, and going back to school, it was in the intervening time when there was a month or more since it had been my intention to hear the will of god, and that was exactly the way I internalized the intention, monologued the desire, to hear, kinesthetically to sense that which would make me and everyone else around me stronger, since there was a lot of talk about to further the purpose of the universe, and I won't be coy about it I always thought that human life was designed to house and validate god's desire to experience limitation, and well lord knows what else the human potential he had in mind, then that was what I sought to find, and found all in a days work it was like taking a breath of fresh air, after holding my breath for years, and like awakening from a dream, and entering the dream all at once, I became a quadraped, and moved with the lithe economy and power of every reptilian, that one knows now was and was not real reality, as it was meant to be lived, ha as if anyone knows and the next morning after it was all over, a new way to be human was playing

I do not know much about switchfoot, but the other song I know of is called dare you to move the point is every prudent man acts with knowledge, but a fool lays open his folly when the world you are living in is a lie, what is the principality of lies, is that a truth if you do not think that is possible, then you do not need to read another line ou you see, I became convinced that lsd, the lysergic acid diethylamide, the drug that growing up when I heard people talk about it, all I thought was well there is something that eats your brain and makes you see things. I mean it is called acid. Well I became convinced that it had these powers, and when I say powers, what I mean perhaps is functionality, but powers seems like the right word for something that according to all of the literature that I could find, allowed one to see into a higher dimension and thereby perceive the ultimate Truth, on every level, about everything. well needless to say I was on board. That said, whenever I took lsd it was not a decision that I made without trepidation. You know as well as I do it's reputation to potentially create brain damage, flashbacks, and lord knows what else. Of course the literature again pointed to it being non toxic, non addictive, and other than the trip itself, produce no side effects. Of course I have since learned that one is able to find literature to support all of the contradictions on every subject.

Needless to say I found the right literature to lead me further down this path. And that is where we will go without further ado.

For all of those seeking truth, and that think lsd, might hold a key to understanding the nature of consciousness, reality, and existence. Or for those slightly curious, and not willing to risk the wager itself. Here it is, the authoritative, verified, pivotal, and entriely circumstantial account of one man, finding out a new way to be human. For those of you unfamiliar with the band switchfoot, a christian band, unknown to me, at the time, playing the morning I woke up after the most unique, quintessential, and transcendental lsd experience of my life. That is not even the highlight of my life. And certainly not of this book. We will get to that.. it all started when my parents put me in private school, no I do not think it made me special. What it did confer to me at an early age were the terms for god used in our chapel school, and those were the well known, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and alpha, and omega. Those were enough to plant a seed of creative imagination in my brain with regard to the absolute. I already ostensibly held that there were no such things, and that if there were we could not know for sure.

Later on, a math teacher, uses the term infinity and proceeds to use the definition, which is understandable, and everything on the face of it. However, the idea of something going on forever, well that went against the grain of my subjective mind.

Eventually a book by michio kaku found its way into my hands and brought down the curtain or called he show. You see, he used the idea of where our universe comes from, as a means of getting me to accept the idea that a higher dimension with the properties abscribed to god, not only exists, but that god is the one who does the counting to infinity. And if that was not enough, the watershed event, happened, when I came upon a website while searching for hyperspace, and found the chemical experiences of a hyperspatial nature. A website of deoxy.org/. Low and behold here was all of the facts from the book combined with some added ones all adding up to the watershed idea, that mystics were having these unified experiences of oneness, and that folks when they took lsd had something similar happen. The suggestion was that lsd, allowed us to see, the remaining 95% of the electromagnetic spectrum, that we were unable to see already.

Anyway, after that new and refreshing experience, I went about my life until one day, the occasion happened to provide me with an opportunity to use the legendary and fabled lsd.

The first time was no legendary tale, except for some fine times in the amusement park, and well a little humor, endowed, and bestowed to the lips of this human.

Okay it was humor like no one has seen before. I do not know where it came from, and it was all in good taste, and if not for that humor, I do not know if I would have taken lsd the next time with the same reverence.

Honestly I do not know if that was the first time, but in my mind it is, you will see why I say that later, for more than one reason.

Well if you must know. There was a time, after my large trip, that I recalled and cryed for joy at the recollection, a time when I was a child and my mom was getting dressed, and I was in her room, and well all I know is that tears of no cause were pouring out of me. I asked my mom and she merely said, I am sure the intention was there, well sometimes we just have to cry.

And that is all that I am going to tell you for now.

So, I am michael smith's tutor in ninth grade, and we all go to young life, and I am on the swim team, and I smoke pot out my window at night and get high off the phone conversations with girls of all description. I guess at some point, we got a hold of five hits of lsd, and I guess michael was supposed to take the lsd with me, unfortunately for michael, Ian, took all of the lsd, on the car ride home from the store.

And for some reason I remember this also as my first lsd trip. The voice from the past, the flash from the past, took the form of an energy congregation, a reminisence of times, a return to childhood adventure, safety, and peace. All translated to me in the form of this energy assembly. After that, upstairs, I perceived the visual signature of the ribbons and bows of white carpet, as a growing tendency that manifested to me as a gathering of exploding individual bows.

The next thing I knew is that I was filled with the urgency of calling my stepfather, to excuse myself from the nightly youth group because my mind was coming apart, and I did not think I could make it surrounded with anymore stimulation than the already growing like mad carpet. Carpet is supposed to be stable and constant, and I was not ready to invite any more chaos into my life.

Knowing that he would be disappointed in me potentially led me to prevaricate over the phone, and that contributed more to the sensation that my mind was coming apart at the seams.

Maybe I was right about lsd eating your brain.

Of course had I gone to the youth group there is no telling the damage that appearing there in that condition might have done to the trajectory of my life.

Because if there is one thing I have learned, and perhaps I knew this from smoking pot, and by the way that is a mind manifesting drug if you will, and hence in the same league as lsd, well the one thing I have learned is that what people expect of you is what you will most easily suceed to in life.

It was like when I got on the phone with people while I was high in ninth grade, I knew that I was holding there attention when a certain sound in my voice called up a certain sound in their voice. What was happening is that we were trading the high tone, we were holding eachothers attention with our own high tone, and that high tone is all about holding somebody's attention, and attention is all about the ability to perceive our expectations being exceeded in the future.

Unfortunately the old addage in metaphysical circles and in the bible about the fear of the wicked will come upon him, well

we are all wicked for it says: who can say I have made my heart clean, I am pure from my sin

In metaphysical circles it goes: that we attract our fears. that is why it is important to fear god, for the second part of the fear of the wicked will come upon him is and the desire of the righteous will be granted.

Anyway, when I got home, I recall a desire to go outside and run, and run I did, like no one felt the ability and desire to run, and my expectations of the run were exceeded even as they were exceeded until there was nothing left to do but run, and run and run, without cause, without effort, without worry.

And when I got home and played with the dog, on the back porch, carpeted and screened in, a nice setting, and the point is, that well here is the lie, the lie is all of our experience is only that an experience, a memory made, and what more consequence do we have to face than our own memories? You see, I took the dog with me on my lie that was the truth. You see, she had enjoyed having her fur defolicled, I mean as I pet her it came out and left the clean short fur of like the grass on a putting green, not to mention a large and ever growing mess as we lost ourselves in the moment of master pleasing pet. Well the mess was something that did not worry me until it was too late, I see the mess and in that moment of lost thought to the task of cleaning, well something slipped out of or into my consciousness and guess what, I am standing on a clean porch and apparently that never happened. And here is the great lie that is the truth peaking its head out. What will you do when you know that you no longer want or need for anything.

I wanted a bonding experience with cleo and needed to clean her of excessive fur accumulation, and I got it. I wanted and needed to clean the porch, a seemingly impossible task of tedious detail. Guess what waste not want not.

I wasted not a moment of hesitation in engaging to the moments pleasure and wanted not for a moments remorse to be gone.

The seeming lesson here was that humans were inherently good, and I remember believing this and I still believe it today with a caveat, for there is something such as power that corrupts, and the path to power might be the same as the path to corruption. In fact it is. No, I did not know that yet, all I knew was that greed was good, and power a plenty. Later on

I learned that yes power is a plenty, however geed is folly.

That idea that humans are inherently good, that is more of that solipsistic thinking that got me in trouble with god. For if the self is everything then there is no reason to fear god, reverence yes, why fear? No, if the self is everything, like jesus is saying then, we get a universe devoted to the self, and hence as I thought the one thing holding us back from

our potential in this solipsistic universe is a little courage to face our fears since they are only here to enlighten us and excite us to their capitulation. Well that is true of every fear except for god. Also, when you get that close to god, well god is omnipresent, and hence all things become sources of fear and power.

Well the next trip is a doozy, and I mean that in the most sophisticated and literal way.

The reason that I even continued tripping is that well not only did it seem to work the first time. Also at that point I found some other books to lubricate the scales of justice towards the solipsistic and the heat was on.

I remember taking the lsd at the top of the trail for secret falls in horse cove outside of highlands nc.

We hiked down the trail, and got to the campsite where we had planned to camp, promptly took out the orange juice, drank, and did so to catalyze and intensify the effects. The next thing I knew we were all walking down the trail, and the guy in front of me, peter, takes off like a quadraped and tears down the trail, I am in the moment experiencing the first hallucination and I do not know it, and I guess I had always wanted to get to know my progenitors, and perhaps the lsd led me to feel compelled to push the limits of my own frame, until I was in pursuit like a quadraped, well not like a quadraped, more like an ambling human ped, and astounded by the lithe grace of the pursuant. I am embarassed to say that I felt the sense of, and I say it only to keep the record accurate, a sense of animal competitveness despite my own fumbling attempt to relate. Simultaneously at the bottom of the trail, I find that there is no competitor, and I am in my minds eye a reptialian superhuman star in the fasion of all the greatest. I believe I was being shown the future of something.

Someting I was being prepared for psychologically with images first. At this point realize I was also feeling at a loss for the anticipation of finding my new friend down at the bottom did not pan out.

Actually at this point things become a little personal, and I simply prefer to write about them when I get paid. Oh what the hey here is some new inspiration

So much for my new friend, I am at the bottom of the waterfall, with a sparkling pool below for swimming and I take no delay in getting into it. Getting into it does not adequately describe the subjective experience of surfacing, exiting, delaying, diving in again, and exiting as if it was the first time and I never came out, kind of another owl creek bridge experience for those that get the reference. I say you do not know the feeling that came over me because I do not know if anyone alive before or since will ever know it. The intensity of the aliveness that intermingled with an awareness of ancestory, god, and death. At the time, I had anticipated the promised experience of oneness with naieve, innocent, and pure of heart excitement, however the experience itself is something that I have come to recognize as the only thing to fear on the earth. Soon my friends showed up and came down. At some point, the genius of planning and execution, realized that we had not one means to light the path up again after dark came. Now that it was dark that thinking might have served a purpose earlier. Consciously, and openly unashamed, at the power task, I knew that the opportunity had been given to reconcile my earlier embarassment and characteristically of my new self I learned, there was not a second thought, too little if any at all consideration, for the plight of the people behind me navigating up the dark trail; brashly, boldly, I gained assent with capriciously with prowess and talent using the fear of god. At the top of the trail we reconveined and liberated a bowl of high grade cannibas to set off the lsd. That was after or before making the tent.

All I know, and I know it now quite self consciously, and I knew it then quite ostentatiously, perhaps rudely in hindsight,

was that I had established myself as the alpha male, and I won't speculate on the relationship dynamics that played out further that night completely without my attention sense that part of the experience ceased to be a concern for me.at least for me.

Which kind of wrote the tale for me the rest of the night. Literally, figuratively, metaphorically that experience fulfilled and exceeded the wild anticipations and dreams that I had incubated in me ever after reading deoxy's webpage and even prior to that reading hyperspace. The thought that god manifested in this realm fucked my world up with a twist.

I mean that night I went through everything from seeing the earth from above as a gyrating and amophrous shape in space, to seeing all of us as similarly tending shapes at the height of it, for me as the new shapeshifting reptilian self remaining upright looked like it needed a new word to express how artless it was, and on the other hand while I saw how it served us at times I failed to see how it was the most energy efficient configuration of the four limbed being that I observed. Earlier in the night I remember how everything in my mind took on a perfectly reasonable and even acceptable constellation of agnostic knowlege and abruptly and fittingly did a perfect about face until the exact opposite perspective aligned itself inside of the mind while the lights that shone through the fabric of texture also did a perfect dialectical sommersault. If I was pressed to say anything else other than that those conclusions at the time were seen to show equivalent ontological and epistemological tautologies, it would be that the first one provided me initially in its formation with more understanding perspectives, and the second one provided me in the later stages of it's formation with more knowing perspective.

And the lights that accompanied the two were perhaps a little more colorful on the first one if a little fake, while the second one held a little more ancientness. Perhaps the first is like the offspring and the second is like the progenitor. Either way, I am sorry to tell you that I cannot tell you anything more than that regarding the content of the paradigms, although it reminds me of a book title the alchemy of opposites.

But I believe that we see the two in reverse for the offspring is the progenitor.

Another wrinkle in time, perhaps pointing to the inevitable conclusion that more than one time line is bleeding into one another here for the benefit of the one. What the one means remains to be written on. Well if I was seeing the light at all outside then it had to be long before the whole thing started, and it did not start for me until I was on that trail.

The time is accounted for during daylight. Either way you will see more evidence of this temporal entanglement and strangeness later. Indescribable were the shapes of liquid and solid matter that manifested in a perfect vacum. For a language, I was learning and being taught the universal and intergalactic, well while at the time I held it had something to do with great ramifications in the subject of physics and hence for use by all alien civilizations, now I realize that the letters of this alphabet were emotions perhaps a combination of all the complicated emotions that can ever be expressed individually by the voice and the body/face. That said maybe I am not that far off when I am talking about alien civilizations since I believe that the majority are humans living on parallel planet earths like ours from which all of the parallel time lines gains knowledge of one anothers high tone, informing and performing the service of valuable soul fortification through a process of morphic resonance and quantum evolution. I write about this in other places.

Well at one point that night I am walking in the dark and allow myself to step where there are warnings in my brain, areas highlighted by uncertainty in my vision despite seeing nothing in the dark, certain unmistakable inconsistencies, we all are guilty of holding as extraneous and unreliable information if we consider them at all. Counterphobic that is the term.

I found that I could walk, and I do not endorse this, without incident. I won't even tell you about the time that all of the darkness switched into the electromagnetic signature of substance and I walked again free of incident in perfect awareness of all that surrounded me.

Okay what to tell. Honestly I do not know what tickled me the most. The time that I was away from the girlfriend and walking with the couple that came along from uga, when they began speaking to me and all across the bottom of my vision appeared the sort of interference and shapes that I had been seeing and I interpreted what they were saying this way. It clearly came to me that they were saying, we are aliens and we have come here to teach you an alien language, and the problem is that at this point, I either interrupted or they paused, and well I spoke up, saying oh I get it you guys are aliens, and that stopped the conversation dead, and they and I eventually went seperate ways.

The other thing that happened of note is that, and I fail to remember the content once more, it was a shape in mind space and it was manipulable by the mind and it contained all knowledge for if you asked a question with a resonance in heart and mind the time would be given to you to turn and to twist, when to stop and to assist the mind with files not found on that go around, for there were many layers to go with all the answers on a round slice, for if you turned on a given slice you were allowed answers at any depth along that angle and the mind might turn along any angle, and once on a new layer, at the given depth for the answer you were led by in your heart to that depth, you did perhaps depart again to turning and the process might repeat until all your yearning cleared and resolved into an answer that you were finessing in twisting and turning your mind until time came that you were facing the answer. I remember at first it seemed like I was asking god the questions and he answered while slowly slowly with each new question the turning fell upon me. For I realized that god was within me. In this way all the questions relating to the nature of existence and verities of life answered itself.

I remember the next day feeling like I could now go boldly into the fears of mine that only represented potential remaining to be uncovered.

I loped on the gravel barefoot like a biped that learned a new way to walk.

I found a new fear and respect for strangers who were greater in stature to me, perhaps also a flickering and tangible hope of acheiving new respect for myself in the eyes of those who were greater to me. Those who might not know of the rights of passage of the night before I hoped with trepidation to equal or succeed them in those new and relatively ancient eyes.

Also as the night went on two other things happened, well one I felt a vision of myself that still comes to me this day, of a man of nature, a man who might stay out in that woodland life like it was inside of him.

This man, like me, more like me and closer in a way than the image of the reptilian, he knew nature, what he knew you did not know, though if you looked in the eyes they told you what he knew.

The other thing that happened, well it was the metamorphic and singular sacraficial and ego loss of the night. It was accompanied by the sensation that my entire upper body had been shed and now hung from me, like an old skin, down by my waist above my legs, and this sensation caused a relief that it accompanied. Like a physical reminder of a new learning time. Like a new mind without the weight of the old ego.

I remember part of my philosophy at the time counted the head as unneccessary nerve ganglia, and thought that it made not one lick of sense to see why the mind ought not be placed in the center of the body.

I also later remember thinking that I was like an alien from another planet that definitively sensed via feeling.

Anyway the next experience, michael and I were in the vehicle and he discussed with me the fact that I ought not enter. He told me in no uncertain terms that it was okay, his father knew, but it was not okay. Well this allowed me to recall something. Walking up the steps one day, onto Michaels back porch where his father sat all to ask him about this thing we had heard about called lsd, and there he sat and I can almost remember it now. Though at the time and even now I know that in this timeline such a conversation never happened at all. He told us in this reality of a time when he made lsd in college with his best friend, he told me and Michael this with a reminisence in his mind and he told us that, now graver and more serious, that just the other day while driving home on the side of the road there stood a guy in shambles and it was his friend, and all he had to his name, was a wooden cage, and he was so proud, so proud, a hand carved wooden cage, and inside of it say sat a lone raisin. Now mind you, I realize, here I am in the car with Michael and he and I are talking and I realize that all of this, well it feels like the truth, since that is the only way to explain how his father might be okay with Michael taking it but not me. The experience proper ended long prior, and we are sitting there talking and he and I are obviously feeling the same thing, as I tell him the story, the same words that I guess he heard out of his fathers mouth, well there is like this invisible and rather stirring string that with every word I speak I am pulling out of the top of my head, and not only does it emerge from my belly, it also feels fantastic to me to liberate this heavy and veritable parallel reality from hibernation. Unfortunately the same string that is for me a relief of frustration that did not exist until that moment, is also a source of psychic disease and malaise for olí Michael or so it seemed to me when he meekly observed, slow down. Meaning slow down in telling it you are tearing the string out of me, and it was like the make or break point for us. I think it has happened to me in reverse, if you have a story to tell, a yarn to spin out of your gut there is nothing more satisfying, and being denied that pleasure for fear of, well for me it is usually that fear of infinity again, well it can rob you of that right of passage that is having the high tone and making a moment, especially if it is taken by the other person you were about to own. Michael on the other hand handled it with the utmost delicacy and grace. More on Michael later Another time Michael and I were with a friend and she was driving, and we were riding along looking out at the wreck or something with itís hood up on the side of the road, it looked like it had flames coming out of the engine compartment, and we told ourselves that we would come back and check it out, well since we had to miss it the first time, I mean the light was green and all we had traffic behind us, and we go on turn around and not a minute or two later, well it is completely gone.

I dare not write the rest because it will never mean so much as the first thing to you as it does me. You see I actually died during the last one. Maybe if I go back there it will resolve itself.

I left out some parts about feeling one with nature. So this guy Julian Jaynes is writing this book on consciousness, and he says that we excerpt instances of a something when asked to recall it, and these excerptions are the basis of our memories. He actually says first that we do not actually see the whole picture of anything in our consciousness like we do not see the whole picture of anything in our real life. I disagree, in consciousness is the only place we get to see the whole picture and doing so allows one to excerpt the best from the best and the worst from the worst, to get the truth out of both. I mean he is maybe on to something when he says that the basis of our excerptions is a ripe subject for study. Do you remember the good things or the bad. Well I would like to think that there is a force at work for use to all, that actively is recruiting folks who work to make the best out of the worst. To do that one simply needs to help others remember how to do that, to empower that ability within them. If you can speak truth then it will not be long before someone shows you mercy. Lowering your voice allows another the ability to raise his or hers, well if you are a he and she is a she it works that way, and vice versa, it allows somebody to slow it down and raise you up at the same time. Speaking truth in candor with a slight gravity allows others to be the savior that speaks mercy instead of us doing all the saving. It allows them to heal the memories of excerpts where they had to be higher to do the saving but could not. It allows them to start taking excerpts of everything in a positive light. He also asserts that human consciousness actually did not exist before about 3000 BC. Before then, he asserts, as described in the Iliad, decisions were not even a concern, for the voices of Gods animated our lives. Well for me, as it says in proverbs, the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom, and as such confers to one strength, intelligence, happiness, and health, all hallmarks of a conscious man. Well for me hearing the voice of God and acting confers on the recipient the endowment of power. For me any power is animating power, and animating power confers consciousness, intelligence ect. I mean I think that he gets it backwards, consciousness disappears as we lose touch. The touch of the divine renders one awake, while itís absence denotes sleep. So the final experience, the one to top the trade. Well that happened in a little town called Dahlonega, where gold was first discovered here in Georgia. It took place in close vicinity to the ranger camp. I believe that I was receiving strong subliminal messages that the lsd only made me more conscious of receiving. I thought if we might find a way to live without hurting ourselves, hurting each other, or hurting the earth then we might know and live godsí will. Well it was two weeks after learning to fall and taking the breaths. Later on I would learn that at the time it had first happened to me it was a new moon and at the time two weeks later a full moon. According to some new age thinking, the new moon is a good time for starting new habits and the full moon is a good time for harvesting the fruit of those new habits. Well here I am, in the course of the two weeks nothing of serious report occurred other than taking some random turns while driving in a vain attempt to follow the will of unseen forces. Well it was the week of my eighteenth birthday, and it fell on a Thursday, the fourth day out of a seven day week. 47 if the truth be told follows me to this day it seems. I see it when I look at clocks, and it stands out all the time. Unbelievable as it may sound, I remember when I had a digital hand watch and there would be multiple times during the day that I would look at it and it would read 47 minutes and 47 seconds. I remember being real careful at this point how I was using my time, and that meant especially careful the weekend of my eighteenth birthday. Well my folks took a fancy of going camping and I thought better of that since it felt like a path to nowhere. On the Saturday in question, I am hanging out with Michael at a friend of his house and some other of the crowd that I did not know too well were there. Well, to exaggerate the point, no I did not hang out with the crowd, instead, doing hand stands in the living room with the funny old man on the couch, climbing the tree in the back yard and other various independently conscious activities. Even that night on the way to the ordeal, I am avoiding smoking pot and taking the high road. Always a good idea to purify oneself, as sacredness is the name of the game on the day in question. Well we arrive and in short order we dose the lsd, make a fire and it begins. Well when I say make a fire let me tell you, since I knew a little from walking in the dark, it took me no time to gather and collect the firewood. I do not know what they were thinking having to use flashlights. I remember a feeling not unlike rue at their situation. Well as far as my situation, it felt like all I had to do was open my mouth and the universe would resolve itself, all the problems in the world I knew, were caused by that same fear that fear of anything save god. Had I known the fear of god at the time, well not only would I have not been on LSD but I also would not have hesitated to speak my mind perhaps. Well what actually happened is that I imagined telling them this fear holding us back from fulfilling our potential schtick, and then thinking they would demand an example of what fear I speak of and well all I would be able to come up with, I guess since I had no more fears at the time, was nudity. Prudence that would be the last fear to face. Now I know that prudence is from god. Of course then I thought that nudity allowed one to enter a higher dimension via extra dimensional vibrations and such received like an antenna through the exposed tissue that is normally covered up. To me the idea of presenting them the idea of nudity at a gathering without well founded ideas to support it felt impossible. Instead I surrendered and bowed down to the emotional fear, a cowardly thing to do. Obviously later in the story my counter phobic pursuit runs its way into emotional territory. As for now, it felt right to return to the woods and find the peace of nature. Well, I crouched down, and received the clearest notion that I ought to without hesitation dive head first down the slope into the wooded dark. Ah, here you see, the conscious mind, if you will, counsels one on the dangers of taking lsd and doing something dicey. Then reason kicked in, I thought well what do I know about lsd, ah yes, it heightens ones senses and the like. Verdict, I dove, and the rest of the night went down in some unfathomable history book. Like trees have been with us through our evolution from animal to man, the hesitation that I exhibited made me like an animal until I became a tree and the cycle came full circle and I left off my skin; the skin that held on to my back. You see, what happened is after that first dive, well it is all a little unremarkable, I continued to come to rest and dive again until the sound roused my friends concerns, and prudence hid me. Circling the peak, I am on the other side now, and having escaped detection, I feel the lsd not one bit, but instead feel what seems to me pure adrenaline, and the intensity of the novelty, flipping out in the dark, by the way, like in the two weeks prior I speak consciousness to every part of my body in search of information about what to do next with which part, and to release the adrenaline which is overwhelming and too much to handle, I utter the most ungodly and grotesque man death articulation, modulating my voice to capitulate over and over again with intensity, grandeur, and power; all the while feeling the most serene peace about the matter as years are taken off my life. Feeling young again, I promptly did three things simultaneously, in one reality, I am bored senseless, and in the other, which I guess had no future, albeit an imagined one, all I could think or feel was gratitude for the decisions I had made to lead me to this moment, and the words that entered into my mind were, ìstay here all seasonî and then I was back to the boredom one, and it was eating away at me, in the final one I am rocketing through space from right to left, and that is eating away at me, like the objects in space, well on one hand it is like the excitement of all my momentum to this point, and perhaps all of my momentum to come, mixed with the boredom, the sensation was taxing, and all I know is that I awoke from it right when it felt like I had been whittled away to nothing, and there was nothing left of my mind, I know this is contradictory, but let us face the facts boredom and excitement do eat away at one another. Either way each of the spurious realities collapsed into the one where I was actually bored and thankfulness right next door to me, must have informed me in making the next decision, for I remember thinking okay, what did I do to get this far, and you know the answer now, faced my fears, and cluing me in on what came next, the answer I sought to face my fears, and well I am looking at the dirt, and in the universe next door it felt like a part of me, and so what did mother tell you not to do, donít get dirt on your face, well the next thing I know, I begin to luxuriously bathe my face in the dirt, articulating my head back and forth as the dirt pushes aside to make way one last fear, the mouth, do not let dirt get in your mouth, well you know what happens, I let my mouth fall open and the dirt luxuriously comes into my mouth and the next thing I know, I am a tree root digging itself deeper into the ground in the twisting action, I am rooting myself and that is sort of why I say as a tree stands for the ages of man, so does the cycle complete itself in the form of a tree. That is why I say as trees have been with us through the ages of man and animal, so the cycle would come full circle, for the time of my salvation was at hand. You see the tree in question manifested next to me in the form of a surprising wriggling and burrowing furiously writhing itís way out of my neck, well from the neck up through, well our around my jaw, and up the side of my face, and out my lip, the inside of my lip, the first leaf. A windfall, and also a waterfall, for the age of reflecting had come to pass, and the pool no longer sat still, the skin inside of my mouth had been broken, as the mouth of a waterfall pours forth its life perhaps this is the beginning of when I died. You see, I took a little thought and concluded that the last fear remaining, which this new indignity obviously pointed at, is that of jumping backwards, and a backwards dive I executed, clean and clear, no trees to hit, and a safe landing and all, coming to rest, the true test came next, but the script had already been written, and I passed without exception. You see, in resting and suddenly feeling another pain of source without cause, I knew now without hesitation where my head belonged, and that was me headlong, and leaping as if for the first time. The time when there mind interrupted, when there might have been no delay. Well now there was no delay. Several things happened at once next, for I recall seeing an image of a man in a white coat with a long beard and I knew fully who I saw, it was god himself the maker of imagination and hence the accidental discoverer of lysergic acid diethylamide. Beside the search for god, if there is anything that has given man cause for hope in exceeding expectations in the last century, I do not know what else it could be. Not only given us hope also empowered us to carry out that, well those that already had that quality, to carry out that charge and be the hope. You see, I became a tree, and sprouted leaves first from my head and then from my leg. Meanwhile simultaneously drinking the water that came, taking the water that came from my root, and feeding it to my leaves for that is what makes the water fall. You must see, I became a new species of human, and it was like the book Ishmael described, where he makes the student buy a shell and then crush it to demonstrate the futility of holding on to anything and that is what I realized that I was doing as water and man, running down the ravines, cascading down the rivers, wearing away the rocks, and dragging them to the ocean only to rise again in the light of the sun, and feed the trees which we had become to nourish the man that made it all happen. The vision I had then was of smashing all of the remnants of our cities for they appear as cancer on the earth, like water eroding, crashing and penetrating in all subtlety. Or maybe that is when I saw the man. The father, the maker of all imagination. Jessie my lost love, the snake, might be thinking of the smaragdine table she taught me about. I am still grateful having found and lost her, than never having found her at all. For what came after her, if I spoke but a word too soon, there are no words for it. It all was good and it all was bad. For it says in proverbs, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. The situation leading to me leaving her, and then her leaving me, well our separation caused shame untold until now, my knees also still bear the scars of our unholy separation; who knew that the proverbs were that accurate, I mean literally after learning of our separation the frequency died. I used to be a tri-athlete, a legacy left by her, and destroyed by her. Anyway, so after all that something happened where I heard this, and I think this was another verity of time where I hear this who what where why when / who why what where when / who are where what when why always the same and yet different, and it occurred to me that this is the sound that light makes, and I had finally become light in the vacum of space routing itself with its own set of questions as answers. Searching for the truth in light and love. Like the folks in the Celestine prophecy guided by a faith that the light though routing itself amid throngs of intersecting photons, waves of particles crashing in dissonance, all carrying faithfully the message of truth for some destination that had to pass along there information just right would find themselves in the right place at the right time with the right people trading light. Because that is what we do, the people like us, we shine like stars and we trade our light to make the pigments in our respective imaginations light up. Then I knew that wherever I went in life direction and truth would find me. So when entering back into civilization the appearance of road signs seemed like a humorous and hollow almost wry reflection of a society of nobodies looking for meaningless directions. When the only real direction could come from relationships. That is what I built, and built and built with the love that god gave me in the years to come. my life should have been a slow accretion of knowlege after that, for knowledge is what lived inside of me even if my ego and conscious mind were wasted. let me set the scene, what I did not tell you was that after knowing god and the planets rotations, I knew that I had discovered there was no such thing as death, and I knew that, since we were approached by the governement, or to be that morning, well the governemnt must know that this was going to happen, and michael and his friends knew, and I am embarassed to tell you of the last part, you see if my conscious mind was wasted, the lord found means to renew it, and that is how it happened, I found myself in the ultimate realtionship, and it would be my abiding light, my conscious mind at that point was beyond the ego, and like I always maintained in that early college psychology class, the superego and the id might tie together neatly, you see, my id knew what my superego knew, I knew that I was god and a human, since there was no conscious mind to affect my performance, my narration was intact, and I felt full for perhaps the very first time, conscious of my own emptiness, and the fullness of god waiting to reside inside of me, and that situation loomed for the knowledge of what expectations the crowd awaiting me held, and in that moment, I found in my hand a shape, a shape that seemed to be in my grasp, right when I knew that nothing needed to be said, and so optimized for novelty, I say, what is this, and what am I doing with it, in the most engrossing way, and proceed to tear into it, for god animated my thumos, and the embarassing thing is all that came out were these beautiful sinewy and liquid fibers of light reflecting material and the photons coordinating the light show, for all I know came from the fire, set behind them and like the screen of the double slit experiment, there was no observer for the light that came through on my side passed as a wave and a particle, what happened was that the milk thistle illuminate the quantum interference caused by my presence, and the observers all said ah, and that was the end of it, and all that came next might have been history, but my id and my superego still create interference, it take conscious thought to operate on the level of id, and that is motivated by fear, instead even though the road was unreliable and badly marked at times, without the full knowledge of the conscious mind of others unruffled, the costs and the rewards perhaps were steeper and grander, but even as I write this, I know that it did not have to be that way, I guess I am embarassed because that is where my life became completely solipsistic, I mean there are other minds, and they are all totally knowable, I mean of course there are some parts of the self that are shrouded, however they are knowable, what is not knowable is the mind of god, that is the only thing separate,

I know this is hyberbole, but and for those that know the mind of god the way I knew it, there is nothing but opportunities to meet other minds who stand the same test, and those minds are only knowable the way god's mind is knowable, with access granted by the author.

Well at least that was the case up until the first tape began. And there are things that I am not going to let you know, because there are things that I do not know, like the time when my consciousness was shot up, literally inhabited into all of the personalities who were wicked enough to claim that they told the joke, or rich enough to own the substrate, and I mean that metaphorically, rich enough spiritually, I remember comedians on tv, telling the audience how to control the substrate, by contradicting it and something else I forget what, not paying attention when it laughed, for that is how they received the high tone, the wisdom to tell the next joke. I remember finishing the episode of south park, and, how a certain figure claimed to have told the joke but wasn't rich enough to own the substrate, well he could purchase it, over and over with his own wickedness, however he lost it before it ever seated itself, for the standard of grace, unction, and absolution, held over consecration to be reserved for those able to stomach it. for the standard of grace, unction, and absolution, held over consecration to be reserved for those able to render and accede. otherwise what warrant, endorsement, and authorization did they hold to substantiate it, and validate it, yield and ascend? They don't and not only did they not author the joke, but they did not get it either. When they put me in jail, they told me that they were putting me in with the rats, or in the psych out ward. That is the joke, there is no thing to be afraid of, well except god, and they psyched me out. And Quevedo said they were trying to make us forget, when they tortured us. I mean put the fear of god into us. I remember Quavedo the world reflected me, and not the otherway around. There was nothing to reflect in the end but the joke. The joke told to everyone, was that god was in control, the mystery was in power, and it is funny if you get it. The TV used to honor my psychology, alternated between pure something and pure nothing, if reflected the truth inside of me, and captured the comedy the fruit of god. And the inmates sat around and got the joke, the joke was reflected in a general acceptance of plenty which turned into god orchestrated chaos, an endless source of humor for the consecrated and others. For all were part of the order of god. For reality and subjectivity were at odds. I am reminded of all the great books on enligtenement. David Hawkins, I comes to mind. And The reconciliation the source of hours of enlightenment. It is fitting that the one true sober experience of absolute divinity, prolonged and enduring that I can point to, beside the experience of writing this book, well I was going to say that it is the one that reason fails to illuminate the most. Rather the chaos was perhaps ordered actions of the id of folks to produce chaos in a parallel universe, hitting the ping pong ball randomly, or the tennis ball. A parallel universe that we were able to perceive and know as the work of god. Not a capricious id, for we, we the ones who transpire, we the upright, conscious and god fearing, well we know self control. Furthermore we, know inside of us, well let me keep it personal, I know that my consciousness was inside of them and hence they knew that the battle had been won, that reason and insanity were married.

Id and superego conjoined. The interesting part now that I think about it was that, my consciousness held the guards up on high and the wicked inmates at a closer confine. Well so I thought that the acceptance of the chaos in the ping pong ball shooting across the room randomly without anyone having hit it, the acceptance lie not in the wickeds reconcilliation of self control and the will to power that the guards knew about from having to punish the inmates. Id and superego combined. No the acceptance emerged out of what I projected onto the inmates as an acceded esteem for the guards wisdom. Like they thought the guards were doing it. erase the sentence id and superego conjoined, and write lie not in the wickeds reconcilliation of id and superego, like the guards had done, reconciling the will to power, and the restraint of moral order. to stomach it, to sbstantiate it and validate it

Ah but the job of the guards were to break us, and ultimately I would break, and be broken into a more conscious acceptance of god. Broken not by force, but by power. For I am sure that my mother was praying for me. I never remember feeling insecure so much. Until after I was broken. And even then there were reminders that god was with me.

Last night I heard a voice and it said this is your punishment, I know about your family, saying family, like well it was not like it was a bad thing, he said it like he knew, and it almost made me mystified rather than afraid, peaceful rather than completely unsettled. I say this so my mom if she is reading it knows that it is not her fault. I heard the voice of god or one of

I mean the voice, knew that it held no power of me emotionally beyond the punishment it referred to.

Ultimately I am trying to tell you of a happy story when it was actually the cause of alot of heartache. I mean despite the fact that I knew I ought not get into the ambulance. At least after I got in. Then I knew to make up for the transgression, the instinctual gut level awareness that it was too late, all disappeared or at least equalized since I had been on a trip about following instructions and everything that had happened had led me to that moment where I would be equipped to handle it enough to not be, well what am I saying I am scarred for life. I will always and forever fear the lord. Let me say this, I got in the ambulance because I thought I was going to be reborn.

Like the ambulance symbolized something about a hospital. Where babies are born. Where I had just been, and easily convinced the folks, thanks to, I tell the story for my family only, thanks to perhaps the reassuring sound of my cousins voice coming from the other side of the curtain, whom I had recently seen on tv, like the picture faded out, and an image of Michael came on the tv. For I was there in the hospital to receive assessment for a different kind of hospitalization.

Well on the ride to the jail, I remember because always when something bad happened, I learned that something of equal value good would happen. And the real bad thing was that my cuffs were too tight, and I will come back to that later.

Well the good thing that happened is that every time the ambulance like vehicle which seated me in a separate compartment like in the ambulance almost the chair facing the window. The movement of the vehicle corresponded precisely with the movement inside my head. If I allowed the vehicle to move it moved, if I felt the slightest bit nervous, it stopped.

Sometimes stopping and starting incredible and perfect in analog to my consciousness. Also when the cuffs came off the sign on the door as we walked in, said breathing room, and that is what it was, if I took a mental breath the vehicles engine breathed life into itself there was no separation. Taking the sign of an omen and harbinger of good things to come.

I enter the hallway, and the floor is flecked with light catching particles that sparkle like stars, so I go from this feeling of having myself taken into custody, and a vehicle that in my mind had no driver, since it stopped and started at very odd of intervals, too odd, to being protected and held in custody, like half of my mind knew it, that it was me, and the other half knew that something awful might happen, and yet the stars lit up the jones in my bones for life and the love of all, for when I entered the room, maybe I was still cuffed, that is why it felt like I was being protected, protected from myself! Anyway the close courters and the forcefullness, contrasted with the sense that the guy they got out of the ambulance like vehicle I was in looked a little like me, and hence they thought he was the other messiah candidate, and that was why we were here, were we in trouble, well it seemed like we were, I think the room I was in was like a holding room for souls, and they sat you in this seat and judged you, I do not remember what the seat had to do with anything, and it was all oddly systematic, and had the feel of the selection of a true man of god, and well I could have been that man, for the impersonal treatment ceased and all of a sudden we were back in the hallway were the stars were metaphorically speaking, I mean they were treating me like a celebrity and checking to see if I had a belly button, and at that point somewhere between getting my photo taken and being in the chair, there was an opportunity for me to use the frequency to tap the high tone, and hit the note of split infinitives for it was a perfectly alternating, a better word for it than wavering, wavering between the sound meant to disown and the sound meant to own, each was the other. Well I made the sound if not a little late, for the hight tone to capitulate all that my soul felt. I felt like the winner of a cosmic and earthly contest of wills, for who had the will to lose everything. I do not even care to go into all of the brilliance that followed, for now in remembering that light it is all so dim. Well they took me into the larger room next door, and perhaps one sound was to run the man and the other the woman. So in the next room, I am shown to like a couple of doctors, and I am throwing around the terms dr. zhavago, and dr. kevorkian, and I simply found rue at making a name for myself. The real rest came after they had put me in a holding cell and I heard my friends megan and morgan show up, well then I knew that they were looking for me, because, in my mind I was certain they were holding me to reward me somehow for winning the lottery of life sacrafice in god. Ha, so precious moments happen next when they take me out and the order is reset, and they put me before the one person that I was not able to be, and that was the he who would tell me my charges like some kind of pontious pilot, the guy looked like an l ron hubbard doppleganger if I ever saw one. So ultimately it was not him that I could not be, it turned out to be me, as I sat in the waiting room, it seemed like a test to see who would try to prove something first, what I did not know is that was the test, and that is why they all were trying to look innocent.

For the phones were in the proximity of hearing which I heard like the voice of god, the thunder of silence, a word, a call that was coming in for me, and I failed to take it since I was still traumatized and afraid of upsetting the god that led me this far. I think if I might have picked up the phone, I might have said, something that god the attention of everyone in the room, and flipped them for good. And again the rest pales in comparison to that opportunity to relate back to the source. Well the next thing I know is that they are taking my fingerprints, and having failed the test of receiving the call which amounted to admitting that one was in a jail, and not the winner, of a contest, an ongoing contest, discerning the righteous from the wicked. Something difficult, for a man that felt like everyone contained the seed of the Self. How dare I stand out. Well it was too late to do that, having been judged as one who cannot even take the call let alone make a call to save oneself, that was the beginning of the end. Oh how wicked the webs we weave are for ourselves. The fulfillment of the sin, and the birth of an ancient wisdom. You see it came to me that one might

You see it all actually started when my parents mary beth and bob, told me to speak up, and at some point the message was sent and received and I learned the verity of power in the voice. Well that was really the beginning of the end, for afterwards the lust for power grew only more deranged. Perhaps, the fact is I might not have tried lsd if not for that lust. I later concluded that

before this I had control of my state of mind, now that I have been broken, I do not trust myself, I trust god only because

I fear him but not the new testament god I knew that lived inside of me, this is a distant and fearful god.

What made me get into the ambulance, well I needed to know the secret, I knew that I did not know everything, and that someone close to me did, well it turned out to be me, but knowing it was not all it was cracked up to be.

There have always been times when I felt, especially on lsd, with clarity that I knew the answer to everything, and ever since then, I have had an ability to answer any sincere question by aligning myself correctly. In the years If I wr

The final file

And the transformation was complete, and I think if it were not for that girl, well she obviously lost something around me, and had to tell the police a lion was in the streets. I think that his happens with some women around some men. They get a big head until they meet someone higher and cooler, and they simply feel small and helpless all over again, and heaven forbid if the male fails to seek her attention, then she is not the same ever again. There was a smooth transition from people coming for me and my arriving, for the apparatus was in place ,and the feed had been set, for I was living the fiction, and all of the authors that money could buy. I claimed to be ironically bob arctor and the setting was such as the tables were turned, and the feeding was learned, who I was not yet, to be and be wet, well it warmed it up, the screen so large and all static, they set it up and not a soul did stand guard, had they knew not what it was yet, how did I know, for I know when I know, state of the art, static of consciousness all fine, a timeline infinite, one, multiple and divine, nothingness they find, they came with the tape and I said not a word, speechless I learned of the black and white burn, multiple maths were learned, well it flickered and flashed, and they said this might be the first tape, yes the spiral I learned, of black and white unwound a new wonder and at each new sight, hilarity ensued, had I finally gone mad you ask, or did I glean true grok. It prepared me for the time when I entered the frame, and all consciousness was mine all one and the same. When I heard a voice they were telling me my name, and what I mean by that I cannot say, for it was not actually a sound that represented a name, rather a name that represented the same. A way of speaking that said my true name. Rumplestilskin. And my mind was a mess, or more ordered than this. For I made but the one tape, and at times I split even, and at times I split rough, and at times I slip slod, no that is not true for I was not ever but god. You see I was letting the anticipation move me to consciousness that granted me sleep, rather than witholding the main and remains of consciousness in the brain activate of clarity. I met the money For Jessie

turning and when they turn to the lord, do they turn them to the lord, or away why away well there is a certain restlessness that one can find in heaven hopefully you find the one to bring you the peace that passes all understanding and then you stop turning forever without the fear of the lord one will never learn properly how to show another mercy and since one will never be able to possess what one cannot first share well

I found her and she found me to be lacking at the time of turning you see if you are happy in your relationship neither of you will seek to make someone fall while utilizing all the alacrity of the fall you have attained in one another you see if you are not completely allowing yourself to be turned and turned only by that one, that one and only then you are living for the time when you ought to better yourself in favor of leaving instead of the other turning her down for another well if you are in that situation then hear this you will never get where you are going unless you realize what it is that turned you on about her in the fist place you see there is one who silently turns you no matter who you are at the time and then who will you be but the real you yaqueshua

so use your time wisely and let her have all that you run for it you turn it all into another then who are you when another turns you down you eventually get to hold as much as your opponent and they realize that the two of you will not ever hold more unless you stop tripping people up because when the whirlwind passes by the wicked is no more but the righteous has an everlasting foundation well at least you hold as much as your holder if you are equally yolked otherwise you are turners always searching for the next high competing with other couples the question is if your offspring is a holder or a turner the holders in question never are in question there fate is with the lord ah I say fate and mean destiny for fate leaves windows for doubt and to doubt and return home is greater than to never left at all for that is the power of yaqeshua to turn a turner couple into a yaqeshua couple well that is the job of the holder do you know there is one who may rebuke any scoffer and lift up any holder for the lifting is easy and the burden is light but who can say I am the only one and not believe it well I can

I believe that when a turner turns they shall be betrayed by the sound of their voice, and it will reflect the proverb deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil and the only

they know that what has come before them will not be remembered as much as what has come after them they say that only like x amount of your dna is functional well what if the other is activated when you are full and that is like having all of your ancestors moments and memories of fullness and folly to draw from, and all of that power combines with all of the people that they touched when they were full and had the ability to make another full, so that when you feel full not only are you able to make another feel full and feel all of that same fullness cascading down but well you save the next generation as well you see we were nobodies in the eyes of our greatest ancestors until they found a way for love to erase the make and model of all the ahbad and hate you see it is not really hate for you it is hate for losing out to the next greatest generation and they want to make sure that you use all of the passion accumulated while supressing all of the passion generated by that epic time to hide it and why not is that reason enough to keep in good time and remember the thrice relayed rhyme for it is not and will not be remembered rather forgotten for as long as is necessary to keep the world revolving and uncertain in destiny fate will awaken and moments that stop the heart will be a quaken while children raise the food and feed mouths will alight and spirits all ignite till days begin rare and face feels uncaring unconsciousness is recurring a sleepless dream we are returning until we remember we never ate the apple when eden breaks the spell and knowledge has no more allure because we had seen it all before now that we never had to make the mistake again and it never would have happened the first time if we had not been switched with god and the snake allow it to gain heed a moment we need not hesitate there is no apple greater than greed and no leader meaner than mean so to do kindness and wise mercy one succeeds a leaf twice fallen thrice lands for once is enough to make any man out of man an ointment a save a kind word there is not folly more folding than flame a green earth a rare bird and wax ears there is but one who holds and keeps all that he hears stamen pistol and gold locks a pirate speaks ill of the greatest of blocks astute verbs and rolling grass hills a lingering kiss quickens crass gravity stupid in gist have mercy honesty and warmth an army of trust will stop a warrior at the gate build it with an armfull of boldness and level it even with kindness and calm harmony is lost at fates door when monsters field questions galore because if you are not writing than what do you insinuate inspiration is for a sliver in the paw is like a madman in the senate a level in dispute is like a sentence without a trial a congregation in the dark is like a collapsing barn surrounded by vultures find a god speed for your life and with it retain all fullness and file a poet in the ramification is like one lost and looking for validation sometimes it's a treasure to be found and when one is not lost there is love to go around find a good wife and then repair to the castle for it means nothing good if you give your wife nothing but hastle a leader of men and a fisher of livlihoods leaders of salt and liver of the lost when you are a finder of secrets may you be a keeper of souls for with that which you let come out of your mouth is that which you let take you down to your grave a wise man remarked and that was the end for he spoke not a word but before the beginning if you know beauty and verity then a fine soul outlasts it's own parity for a classy definition of personal scarcity allow all beauty and truth a little disparity if you think speaking in tounges is odd then speak not ill of evil in god

when i think of wisdom I think of mercy and truth however remember violence covers the mouth of the wicked a prating fool will fall in the multitude of words sin is not lacking but he who restrains his lips is wise and the heart of the wicked is worth little and the fear of the wicked will come upon him the mouth of the righteous is a well of life wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding the tounge of the righteous is choice silver the blessing of the lord makes one rich and he adds no sorrow with it the desire of the righteous will be granted

the fruit of the righteous is a tree of life and he who wins souls is wise a man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth

had to ask and you know what, even since I delivered your pizza, it has come to my attention that, perhaps I am better suited to pulp printed by the christian crowd, rather than the "secular" crowd, after having the last two books describe distateful debauchery without developing the characters as people. They throw people into bed together, and forget to develop their charcters. I cry for the crowd who I guess is so quiet and desperate that they feel empathy. Meanwhile I would like to find something that edifies me thankyou. had to ask because I am writing a book, a memoir of sorts, pertaining to the subject that I fear will be found distateful, disgusting, and deranged by the churchgoer, and yet perhaps a siren call for the agnostic.

there are some who do not know how to use it for edification and mutual regard rather they exist solely on the folly of others for it is then that changes allow for asperations perhaps they are not high enough to imagine living soley for lifting others there was a moment where I might have held her permanently as she held me with ease and nuturing understanding then instead of finding peace I found reason to medicate one will come when verities of power the work of ulysses imaginary conversation you say why are you telling me you do not want to choose between the two well perhaps that is true a true agnostic does not hastily make any meaninful choices when the meaning cannot be known

I mean, you have heard me argue in favor of theism well what about the other side well theism takes you on a path with a god that demands fear and seems to practice nepotism even if a little backward at times meanwhile we have so much faith in god, that we forget to fear god properly, and that I believe is what the skeptic does by remaining skeptical, the fawning faith leads one into snares meanwhile the skeptic is rewarded with an ever more pleasant experience of wonder and mystery which keeps one humble and hungry for knowledge, wisdom, and righteousness so how is that for a false dichotomy

I told you in my heart I was always an agostic

The truth is that the closer I get to finding a wife, the less I care about my own glory and the more I care about protecting folks from themselves, and hence I am leaning toward seminary again, remember to ask mark about, the idea that our works need to be for their own sake and not for gods, for it takes away his glory if we do them in his name and not for their own sake

So I want to write a book with the help of others, and it starts with my own brutally honest account with the high tone and losing it and all, and I want you to read it and tell me if I am on the right track, tell me I am not crazy.

I mean what is wisdom and what does it mean to know, to know is to act, unless you are a fool but what is all knowledge if not contradictory, and by that I do mean that god is a verb, it is the knowledge of good and evil, all knowlege empowers the bearer with that knowledge of all knowlege the knowledge, and knowlege looks funny I have written it so many times, knowlege is power, and perhaps the word contains the power, in itself, to know that there is a ledge there, keeps one from falling off of it, and missing a d, so it does not keep one from death, since we ate the fruit, we still die, but we are always on a moral ledge, and that is the choice the power of, even the wisdom of proverbs, though it says that a fool despises wisdom and instruction, so I guess, that is different from knowledge, or are they telling us that adam and eve were no fools, what then are we to make of the snake tempting eve, well perhaps that is the lesson, that woman is slightly more temptable than man, at least when it comes to knowlege, power, and lies, and man is temptable then by woman, at least when it comes to woman well it does tell us that they did not know what the fruit would actually do, and the thought that they understood language, means to me that they did understand, the concept of knowledge, and hence could be tempted, perhaps god created fools only to make men out of them god fearing men and women,

I know that is what happened to me, that is what proverbs did to me, and jail, and turning the fear of being alone, which led inexorably to a lust for power, into a fear of power, I mean jesus's mistake if you want to call it that, oversight, miscalculation, was in taking on thomas, luckily though his eyes were big, they were not too big for his stomach, since he stomached the ordeal, and went on to eat the hearty meal in heaven

I met a baby, and it all happened on a delivery, when a peacefulness pervaded the evening, and I lingered long enough to hear a little ways off the healthy and robust, hearty and happy, chuckle of a giggling boy, and it was the type of chuckle that hearty healthy chuckle that makes a man like me, a man that has everything, realize that something is missing, and in that moment you were the soul that made it seem possible, to have a baby, and to be a father a dad, and to think that I might not have given you a second thought if it were not for that delivery, and that laughter, that boy, that reminded me of the boy in me, the boy that never grew up, never grew up with a biological father to learn from, the stepfather I had was fantastic, a fantasy of bliss as well as strife, like one could not ever imagine the kind of healthy giggle that makes a man that has nothing else to gain, never want to be the same, do you want to be the difference in my life when I watched the way that you looked at me, I knew that you would never love any child quite the same, and you would love me as much as any man Well I guess that what holds one in any one reality is the gravity of the strange attractors that I have spoken of, and that holds until the consciousness finds higher expression in the final heaven on earth.

How I was humbled by and aged by God.

Accretion of wisdom

When I was shown the square, it permanently attuned me to the feeling that accompanies a loss of power. For better or worse, now I avoid what is also a loss of power, in a good way, when one becomes aware of another mind and therefore feels gratitude that something else wise and loving exists, that takes power and energy, and turns it into relationship, which was something that I knew everything about, and which I now know about only through my relationship with god, for he does not betray me. So sometimes I lose power for when I do not fall into gratitude as easily as I once might have and this is what creates the permutations and leads to the idiocyncracies. For I never know when I am giving power to a benevolent mind or an evil one. Giving power away that would come back to me or forsake me. Ultimately, it does not matter for the book says, whoever listens to me will dwell safely and will be secure without fear of evil. Well that is not exactly the type of power now that the book is done it does not matter. Especially now that the book is done, and in the process of writing it, and becoming aware of it inside of me, well gradually the fall into gratitude has been occurring for me without equivocation, because I finally know that there is something, something that I can hold up, and my mom the one to give me life, might feel proud of me for accomplishing.

It says my son if you receive my words and treasure my commands within you, so that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding, if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the lord, and find the knowledge of god, for the lord gives wisdom, from his mouth come knowledge and understanding, he stores up sound wisdom for the upright he is a shield to those who walk uprightly, he guards the paths of justice and preserves the way of his saints,

You see the fear of the lord is not something that is easily understood, it takes a little work. 25122222 2

I am not even into reading new age books right now; I am into reading non-secular books. So to read the whole thing and edit it would feel. Well let me put it this way, the experience of writing it was so intense and cathartic, that without the catharsis, reading it does not qualify as work. Therefore it is not a type of happiness that I would accept or indulge myself in right now. Straight is the way, and narrow is the path Never get over you

The musical laws of language

Foundation Memory hood tale

z

Another way to put it is,

Well it is like when we all are kids and well hopefully our parents are trying to be sensitive to us because we are all in formative years and that means that we will remember the things that happen to us, and hence we, parents aim to make happy moments happy memories happy times, and experiences, well the truth is that every moment is a formative moment and there are people out there who are able to either traumatize you and make you forget never to be whole again, and or to make you whole and happy and perennially in a state of memoryhood the thing is that the more insecure that someone feels the more at war they feel with those around them, a war for not memory though that is what is at stake in a sense, but a war for leadership, and that might mean leadership by fear, for there are those who feel that fear is a greater motivator of greater memoryhood value than love, well they are simply misunderstanding the situation, because the more you traumatize people the more likely you are to get traumatized yourself and not feel safe and hence the cycle repeats itself, it is not evil but people who repeat the cycle for their own vanity, seeking only to be remembered rather than to create safe and pleasant memories for others well they can be said to be evil, vain, self seeking ect. it is actually eaiser to let go of control and let god do the work, or if you will let the unconscious, the child within us all who gets the reciprocity inehent in memory making to take hold and take over so the more insecure feed off of others fear, while damaging the memories of all around them including themselves, though they would never know it perhaps because they cannot remember a happy time, this problem would be easily remidied if they simply allowed themselves to exercise the imagination and read a book, since reading fiction is said to strengthen the empathic response, or understanding, but if they are like someone I know they are afraid too "escape" into literature such is the state of trauma that they live in, reaping what they sow, it is likely that you know someone like this and that they do not have many if any close friends, or a happy marriage, happy children ect again it can be argued if this is the problem or the cause so if you are insecure and self serving then ironically you are not serving yourself because memories are made in relationship, and the more antagonistic contention creating one is the less sympathetic community creating they may be. so if you are trying to make yourself feel safe, then you are actually endangering yourself and others, whereas if you tap into the universal childlike spirit of love and joy, you are enabling any of those who are able to hear it to hear the tape. The tape that is the universal memoryhood tale, free from trauma and breaks, skipping and scrapes. unbroken and loving, wholesome and forgiving

Well here I am, I honestly do not remember your name, obviously it is something similar to the email that you gave me, well at least I remember that. Okay, making not one presumption, I know that you are single and more than that that you are a god fearing woman of thirty seven and that is a good thing. It means at least to me, and again I hesitate to, no I fear to make any presumptions, but one might think that means well, she is at least ready, more than ready to make a committment, and find someone worth, oh what was the catch phrase the singles group you mentioned used? Oh well you get my drift. Anyway, I think an older woman would be good for me. I mean how can I be humble and in the same breath include you in my, and let me stop and explain that I know the word include, implies trust, and that is something I do not want to presume, furthermore, it is not only something valuable and meanigful, also something fragile and to be gained over time. Anyway, if I am to include you in some bare facts revolving around my maturity or to be humble and complete in the telling of my story, the lack of maturity perhaps of my days on the good earth. What a terrible way to begin, oh well, honesty is one of my faults, am I being self deprecating perhaps. I am not saying one should have regrets, for I believe that everything up until this point whether an outside party might call it immature, to travel around and work only when absolutely neccessary, pursuing dreams and flights of imagination, and only to complete a two year associates degree, in all of my time in school, which there was plenty of. Regardless, as I was saying, everything until this point, helped to shape me into a more perfectly mature christian male, god fearing, and hungry for the words of the lord, because it is more than a single word he spoke through our great heritage of god fearing men and women before us. Funny I start by trying to say something positive, the bare facts, and end up saying something negative. Moving on, I am now shamelessly self promoting, let's see I have written a book, ostensibly arguing that a new way of understanding proverbs has the power to save the world and that originated from experiences in the work of the word. Memorizing 26 chapters of proverbs, and reciting them at first every day, and then weekly till I finally now am able to retain it by reciting it once a month, well it does everything that solomon promised it would. I believe proverbs says it best, my son do not forget my law, but let your heart keep my commands, for length of days and long life and peace they will add to you, Let not mercy and truth forsake you bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of god and man, and then of course the famous one and the not so famous one that follows. fear the lord and depart from evil, it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones. I guess I wanted you to know that I was not perfect lest you be unlikely to believe how far this broken man has come. Let's be serious would you have believed anything that I am telling you now if it were not for my earlier admissions of a let's say leaf in the wind period of my early and late twenties, always looking, for a place and way to root, to hang out my shingle in a more meaningful way than not. Always searching for a god, a god that was looking for me, and guiding me, protecting me, and loving me through the seasons of shiftless wandering. Well maybe that is enough for now, though I did not write anything near what I meant to, perhaps instead I might have written about how in ways I feel unprepared, and yet as prepared as I will ever be for the right god fearing woman to enter my life and trust me with hers. I talk about god fearing a lot since it says also in proverbs that the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom, and in other places instead of wisdom, it says the beginning of knowledge, and yet in other places the instruction of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and instruction right. Well needless to say I will conclude for you that the message of proverbs is largely one of that well it says, if you receive my words and treasure my commands within you so that you incline your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding, yes if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the lord, and find the knowledge of god. Well I do believe, and this is meant to be something whispererd in a place of trust and confidence, with candor and reserve, that well number one women fear the lord more naturally than men, and secondly in my pursuit to understand my feminine side, since wisdom in proverbs is frequently referred to and personified as a female, well is it too presumptive to say that I know, well yes it is, since my fear is of that which is, god, that which is ineffable, and hence the reserve at saying it explicitly. I guess what I am saying to use proverbs again, is that the fear of the lord is the sweetest honey that a man or woman might know, and well I guess that is why I am hesistant to publish the book, since it deals with the subject directly and well, I guess I might as well tell you my thesis.

Let us say that there is something that we will call fullness and where it comes from and where it ends up are some things I try to answer in the book I wrote by making observations from my own experience and knowledge of the word. So, fullness in and of itself I believe comes from mercy and truth to simplify it and put it in the words of solomon. The problem with fullness is that I believe it can also come from evil, and hence lead to a hunger for power, even if it originates most naturally from a fear of god, it can lead to a blind type of fearlessness, just like the fear of god can, but in the case of the fear of god, well in theory that is not a blind type of fearlessness, though we are all walking in faith all that time and I guess that is the point, I mean let's be honest the more full we are the more aware we are of the spiritual forces around us, perhaps the easier it is to be tempted by them and discerning more importantly what is from god and what is not can be a difficult job. Solomon himself confides in us early on that the proverbs are riddles and an enigma in their own right. To understand when it is appropriate say to rebuke someone is not always clear, but our own seemingly critical and vain need for fulness might depend upon it hence the dual admonition from proverbs: "do not answer a fool according to his folly lest you also be like him" and then: "Answer a fool according to his folly lest he be wise in his own eyes" Hence the argument that once one is full, they are entrusted with using truth and mercy with equal measure and perfect timing lest that useful for teaching and relearning the fear of the lord, state of falleness and brokenness returns, the key is to remain broken when full, and remain full of truth when broken. One might say that the bible is clear at least in the new testament of the importance of fellowship with believers, other god fearing souls who are able to strengthen eachother, wherever two or more are gathered in my name. This seems to me the key to remaining god fearing, among other things mentioned in proverbs, which contains the secret to knowing how and when to use mercy and truth and hence remain in the presence of god in our daily lives, bringing the water to others, and fire when and where appropriate. Well lets see here what else can I say about proverbs, and the usefulness of that knowledge in a mans life. First off let me complete a thought that I meant to earlier, aside from a few instances where solmon directly refers the knowledge to a female, like admonishing the seductress, and saying a foolish woman is clamorous, she is simple and knows nothing, or a gracious woman retains honor, and even a wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands, well I think that is the totality of application that the proverbs has for a woman. Hence I conclude that the bulk of proverbs stands to empower a man and even young men. Let's not forget, a god fearing man cannot do it all on his own, obviously the important work might be left up to him, but a woman, well let's quote one more time: "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband" or: "Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the lord" and: "A man who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the lord" Not to mention the whole wisdom as a female thing. Honestly, and this is debilitating to admit, humbling and even painful, and I realize in the moment of writing that solomon himself reveals it to those with the ears to hear, that the fear of the lord, and the secret to understanding it as a man resides in: "seeking her as silver, and searching for her as for hidden treasure" and the humbling part is that in way of explaining that one realizes what a man is without her, without the fear of the lord a man is going to experience perpetual seasons of fullness and brokeness, if he is lucky to get that far, and even without that, he is humbly at the mercy and command of spiritual forces that seem to demand that a lust for greed and gain is the price of happiness. Regardless, I observed in you an awareness of your power to make or break a man, in the short time we spent together. And before I trust you enough to tell you that that awareness of yours is a powerful gift and very tender, let me go on to complement you whose name I scancely heard, let alone remember acurately enough to risk guessing it here, to speak a complement and that is that you possess prudence and wisdom, and that I can only imagine how you might have felt reading this through, perhaps suggesting to yourself, if I am so bold as to dain a guess that your prudence about who to trust with your gifts, might have led you to question the pertinence of a wandering fool, an individual of my posterity, and now here you are reading as I am writing to you of all my feelings I can only wonder how you might feel, as you read more whether you might trust me with that gift, and not to seem all too human, and put you off, I am wondering how I might feel trusting you, and whether or not you are from god, sent for me. Simple thoughts and feelings. Oh, I smoke ciggarrets, and want to quit, I do not drink, and I work for pappa john's as a delivery driver, or will as of the fourteenth. Now I am being presumptive that you have bought at least what I have written thus far, but I like writing to you so I am going to keep it up. However do not let my station fool you, it belies my aspirations. Worked for dominos, for the past two years, before that I was in college for psychology and making at least a 3.5 gpa. I fell in love with a girl and lost that love only to find myself more messed up than I was before I met her leading me to take the time and heal while working a dead end job. Of course somewhere in there, I cringe to report, my habit started. I successfully quit for four months this summer, and naturally have faith it will happen again hopefully with god's help this time for good. Maybe you might read my book and tell me if it merits a wider audience, and I promise to edit it first. I want you to read the first polished version. I tell this to anyone who cares to hear, and I will tell it to you, I like that you were reading fiction, aside from it being christian, which carries it's own points, and I know I think you might have held a couple of non fiction books there too, and you might have heard this somewhere, reading fiction actually, I guess by putting oneself into anothers shoes, the definition of empathy, furthers that skill in daily life.

I think that the fear of the lord is like fullness, and those that have been there know that having it can be like having a season of fair weather and whether or not you want it to, it can rapidly devolve or invert into a hurricane of emptiness and vanity.

So let's put a stop to that perhaps by explaining a little more with regard to the use of mercy and truth. It seems like the more fear of the lord one has the more truth they are able to dish out, and one, I say again, would be advised to use it sparingly and in harmony with equal parts mercy, to avoid being off putting to someone who deserves mercy and hence failing to harvest the ripeness of the moments grace. Unless of course it is one's intention to be offputting and even then one should be advised to use it sparingly lest one let the power go to one's head. I mean truth might be inherently male and mercy inherently female, however I have heard it said that power is not inherently male or female. So letting the power go to one's head might be okay if it also goes to one's heart. Anyway, it seems there are welcome and unwelcome questions, and it depends on two things, the state of mind of the solicitor, for it is a true solicitation well we will get to that later, and the level of trust between the solicitor and the reciever. For instance if somebody has a wall up, and the solicitor is not at least as high as that wall, then almost any solicitation is too personal, and unwelcome. Exceptions might be made for rudimentary solicitations that serve a purpose and function without regard to any personal advances. Because let's face it any other form of question if welcome is seen as a form of interest in the receiver, whereas unwelcome questions take more the form of self interest, and hence vain attempts and appeals for attention from the receiver. Listening and respecting the use of mercy and truth allows one to differentiate between the two and use each appropriately. Is it ever appropriate to appeal for attention, well this is the function of truth and lies. For instance if somone is using the high tone and the low tone simultaneously, and hence is not asking a sincere question, rather is making a statement, which can be anything from get the hell away from me, to appeals for mercy, and or a lack of bullshit.

Which can be useful when one is trying to conserve the high tone, the fullness and fear of the lord that they possess without it being taken from them.

Examples that come to mind is like when a parent is telling a child to go to bed, but decides to do it in the guise of a conversation and hence asks with a falling tone, are you going to go to bed? The question is an example of an unwelcome question that should only be used by adults with one another when one is trying to get to the bottom of something, find out the truth, and cut through the bs. It is a hostile question that can only adequately be answered by someone gracefully who sees through the guise the assertion that the false solicitor has more truth, fear, fullness than them, and takes the high road, by offering the mercy that was being appealed for, and hence speaking a deeper truth at the same time.

The other example that comes to mind was say when the female barista, is ending the conversation with a snappy false high tone question like she has all of the answers and that you will never come up with all of the questions attitude. Of course this is best delt with in a similar way as it is similarly an appeal for truth.

Otherwise mature conversation takes place when the two people are sharing the high tone which is made of equal parts rising and falling tones, and they take turns allowing one another to offer the high and acknowledge the high while answering with the low, obviously we are not literally talking about high and low, rather, the rising and falling action takes place in the spirit of the person who is speaking the tone. For instance a genuine rising tone, is not only merciful and truthful, it is going to give the other person something to think about like a question and even an overture acknowledging the question with a similar rising tone because the rising tone lightens the spirit and hence the mind while helping to weigh down the other persons mind with thoughts which is permissible and right and genuine only when there is a geunine falling tone, a progression in a serious conversation towards a point that might still be made with a questioning and henc an open ended overture. The falling tone gives the mind something to focus on, and when two people are in synch the genuine solicitor asking a welcome question and the reciever answering genuinely there is a shared focus and can be a simultaneous lightening of spirit along with an increasing weight of purpose as the low tone takes hold in one anothers mind because they are each playing an equal part in creating the moment.

The interesting thing and this is pure speculation is that either the false solicitor cannot even find the strength within them to be ingenuine when in the presence of someone whose fullness eclipses the threshold of psychic space or perhaps if they do find the strength then their efforts are revealed to be in vain when the receiver rolls the ball back to them with all due force and they are stuck holding the same buck they tried to pass.

So to conclude there will always be people who try to get the better of one another with the nice form of bullying that is covert in style and maintains that they have a higher tone than their perceived competitor, and those who overtly use the low tone to bully others in hopes that they are too weak to pass the buck back with any amount of grace. Either way these people will lose face, fullness, and power to those of us who are diligent, honest, and merciful.

The secret as any ceo knows is to guard ones fear of the lord by using it sparingly, peppering mercy with truth. Furthermore the key is knowing when someone is joshing you, and hence if they are from the lord, genuine and forthright. If so it is okay to share all that one has with them. Unfortunately even the best intentioned folks once tempted with true power find vanity within themselves and forget to share it in equal parts mercy and truth, questions and answers. They demand too much information or flound in the folly of outright vanity, offering too much information and killing the high tone that way. As if we are less important of speaking than them. As if hearing them is the greatest use of time and energy we have. Either way the fault lies with both parties, one for not hearing the note of vanity before it got out of hand and the other for not worhsiping at the alter of reciprocity and veracity.

Of course most of the time this is not always either persons fault, I mean for the boss it might be a mistaken and misplaced loyalty, whereas the employee might simply be nervous in the wake of all that power. Am I making too many allowances, well perhaps and perhaps not, since reading this, and for those that understand it, well as it says in proverbs the way of life winds upward for the wise.

I think that my pastor said it the best when he said that salvation is not something that you take it is some thing that you have to receive. Hence it is not something that we as christians take from someone, we cannot make ourselves feel better than others and become more christian by putting on airs and pretentions as if we think they are below us. Hence it is something that we share. When it comes to fellowship we ought to be able to share without the fear of others one upping us but that will happen and it is always to be dealt with in stride. For love is the greatest truth and mercy is the greatest value. I guess all I am saying about being descreet is kind of like in proverbs where it says that a prudent man conceals knowledge but the heart of fools proclaims foolishness.

False modesty, I believe could be an afront to the dignity of god at least as much as pride is a detriment to contrition. Rather the lord wants us to feel and be genuinely broken, meek, and humbled. Does that mean we ought to feel anything but love for a god who wishes us such hardship. Nah, he knows that true strength, courage, and character grow and germinate out of humility and knowing that god is the source of our humility only ought to add affection to our relationship with him. The love of power is directly antagonistic to the love of god.

The heart knows it's own bitterness and as stranger does not share it's joy.

So one might think that the thing with knowing all of this about quantum physics and nonlocality, translating into some kind of solipsistic reality might make one narsicistic, but for me the problem is that most christians claim to be more humble than that, nobody preaches on the possibility of our savior walking among us, much less within us enough to make one feel humble in the presence of other christians the way that someone might if they thought that anyone and everyone were potential saviors of humanity. Rather christians put on the sheeps clothing and turn into wolves since everyone thinks that we are so humble the opposite tends to be true; I mean since we think that we have to be humble to god as opposed to attaining to god, then this false modesty manifests into a denial of our own saviorhood and the conflict manifests as narcicissm. Furthermore if you are like me, then you frequently subscribe inhuman, superhuman, and even artificial intelligence capabilities to those non christians who are not bound by this false sense of modesty or at least humbled by the inclination to attain godhood. Since I am not able to share in that simple, basic, and natural modesty, the desire of all humans to attain the human potential to be all that you can be, be that supernatural and/or humblingly modest and moderate in all things then I am left fending off the narcissistic on the one hand and the inhuman on the other. The confrontation of true christians becomes rare and a thing to be cherished since it leaves one feeling helped out of that false modesty and protected against the artificial alien intelligence of the nonbeliever.

My struggle to put it plainly is to not feel outclassed and threatened by those ruthless enough and amoral enough to not want morality to limit them, those willing to cut all corners in a great ol' bid for raw power and potential leaving the meek to wonder when the way went wrong.

I will confess learning one thing if I have learned anything by the grace of god, wondering where we went wrong is not for the meek, rather it is only edifying to god if we continue to suffer and labor under heavy burdens until we meet our light at the end of the tunnel. Using the mind to find shortcuts is the only boobytrap and our salvation lies with the wisdom of our body for that body is a tool to understanding our god given hearts which might be worth little if we are wicked. The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, however the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness, and so will the mind once vanquished by the lie that anyone is more des paths that we might conceive of to reach it, least of all they may be to degrade ourselves and deprive ourselves in the eyes of god with false modesty. We are a power hungry people humanity, and we stand to channel that outlet most efficiently if it goes to seek out our Lord's will for our lives. However we do that let us not deny that is the heart's desire. Confessing as much to ourselves and to god we ought to find a kinship with one another a communion and brotherhood for our shared confessions of our failings to find gods will for our lives, but let us not limit it to any form of inspiration save the highest, the most wonderful, and surprising designs that our tiny minds might deign perform.

I guess what I am saying is that there is a difference between people who think of themselves as a lawless immoral god, and those who think that we are all god. What is the difference, well those who believe that we are all god, not only that but that everything is god, hence the omnipresent title given to god, anyway those who believe that we are all god, can at least be humbled by the conflict between his will and our will, and astounded by the overlap between the two. Inspired to find that overlap and harnass it for good. And this is where I run into problems and those are problems like narcissism that might only be alieved by communion with other believers, whereas the purely solipssistic might decide that all greed is good, and or useful, relying only on themselves. impenetrable courage, courage translates to a will to live, which translates to happiness ask deep questions, be contrary do you feel courageous happy in the last five months every woman thinks she is wise so the foolish woman does not know it is her house that she is pulling down graduation rate, retention rate, medication, and work history reflection and deflection deflection says that there is more reflection that I could be doing, but you are not being truthful enough with me so I will be truthful with you to make up for it and protect my status for reflection reflection says that you could be taking a more truthful or harsh tone, but instead you are being reflective and hence merciful, witholding something powerful while sharing something even more valuable

So I am reading the book operation screwtape and I notice that the thesis is that as long as we do not realize that we are forgiven and whole, and that our old self has died and a new life is resurrected, that we are new creatures and all who do not need to "do" anything to gain righteousness or salvation ect. then we are fine, however the assumption is made tstill that we do not receive this gift without first accepting jesus as our lord and savior, and well if I am to assume that this is what we are required to do to attain salvation then I am forced to conclude that those who do accept jesus do so naturally as a consequence of the resurrected life already present in them, like an example of predestination as if their names are already in the book of life.

The other thing that bothers me, and first to describe it let me tell a quick story, based on the ideas of the book god's debris by scott dilbert, where he says that god, he imagines as a being that has all powers knowledge, and time, would have but one choice to make and the power to make it, he would have the desire to find out what it would be like to not know what is going to happen for once, and hence he would committ suicide in a sense, and that we are the remnants of that explosion the big bang, and we are god slowly putting himself back together. Out of this hypothesis is the sentiment that we are living and or designed to be living lives where all we need to do to be closer to god is, "to be ourselves" now the author admits that what this means is something of a mystery, and invites readers who think they know the answer to write him to explain themselves, well here is my take, to be yourself is to live a life without treating others any differently than you would treat yourself, and since, we take for granted that is not the status quo, then how do we put this into a proof of practice, well we start by erasing any behaviors that we might engage in, even the most basic behaviors, in order to distinguish ourselves from one another, and in so doing we gain the freedom to truly be ourselves, inspiring like behavior in others, and finding out that we can all be ourselves and distinguish ourselves the moment that we stop trying, so the first behavior that most of us engage in, and the bible points out as the wages of sin, is that simple step in the morning of clothing our bodies to make ourselves presentable, now if we truly loved another as ourself would we need to adopt this superficiality? I do not think so, and then if we all were naked well not only would we be immediately more aware of our basic similarity, but in turn I think it would excite in us that quality of desire that drives us to be innovative and creative in designing a new identity in christ.

So the other problem I see, is that whether or not we believe in christ, seems arbitrary unless we first and foremost take solace in the fact or deny the fact that we believe that we were born and hence predestined to be evil or good, and hence it removes the pressure that divides the mind from the holy spirit, the very pressure that operation screwtape is designed to remove, and allows us to be free to trust our emotions.

I mean it is not like christ says that little children first must believe in me to become saved, rather he says that they are favored in the kingdom of heaven as is. once we remove the division in the mind, that influences us to choose between good and evil, and furthermore to believe that god is even capable of failing us, then we are free to be of one heart and one mind. believing in god and the ressurection is great and all but when we are surrounded by loved ones who are holding us to unrealistic standards we internalize the divided mindset, and it's not like I was born divided from my loved ones, I mean I was raised to think nothing of being naked, and hence learned shame only in contact with the outside world, anything short of what I am suggesting about predestination and inherently good instincts being applied before birth, and even before the birth of the world, well it simply serves to further the enemy

I guess to get back to the god's debris theory, well i have to admit that for god to truly not know the result of his decision he would have to create evil, and hence I conclude that we are given the choice to choose to utilize the good or the evil versions of ourselves, and I think on the whole andrew farley's work does good, and is written with good intent, but if he does leave out the part about our own free will being an essential ingredient, and more importantly that choosing good or even evil is a universal imperative, then he is missing the boat, I mean did not christ say that you have to be hot or cold, if you are luke warm I will spit you out of my mouth. and with that taken into account, I think the whole thing about free forgiveness can be forgotten, a little bit, and the best case for choosing good now takes priority and I think that comes from the wisdom of the proverbs by solomon

To be fair I am sure that Farley assumed that if we are reading the book we have already chosen good, and this might seem like an innocuous assumption, but believe me, I already found myself being tempted, and even here led to believe, and or at least reminded in a very real way that evil is a living thing, if that is not ironic enough, and being tempted to follow it as a legitimate path ever bit as able to deliver peace as good might deliver maybe more so. And that is why I say here that assumptions especially in a book purported to illuminate and instruct an issue as fraught with dangerous crevases as spiritual war, well those assumptions turn out to be bigger mistakes than one might first assume.

At least mr. farley leads us to believe that evil is real, even if he seems to side with the folks who believe that salvation is not always a choice being presented to us immediately at any and every given moment. As if we might lose our free will to choose evil after being saved. A nice and warm thought but not one as powerful as believing that we are either predestined to be good or bad, and all we have to do is choose based on the available evidence before us, and considering the immediate reality of plenty in america it would seem likely we are mostly going to be choosing the side of good, because if we love our creator, who seems to love his creation, then why not do the natural thing and side with him. as many americans do, of course the problems of why some of us don't loom large. And the problem seems to arise naturally as an outgrowth of comodification which in itself masquerades as an effort to allow and or provide us with a means to distinguish ourselves, but the playing field is not level exactly, we all have different abilites and different means, and we do not emphasize public spaces, or privately owned, community spaces, I mean that as a whole new type of zoning, so that instead of residential which is strictly private, and commercial which is not strictly public, but something new that is not forced upon us like libraries and parks, as a deduction from our pay checks in the form of taxes but something that entrepeneures with a new spirit of philanthropy create, a new kind of philanthropy, where people can come and be themselves, kind of like churches but open around the clock perhaps depending on the owners discreation perhaps, and that particular zoning classification more so, like churches but without the stigma of morality and righteousness hanging over the psyche. I witnessed places like this in europe. I mean it is not like the commodification which breeds or is bred by the spirit of competition, begotten and begot by, obviously has served it's purpose, and perhaps, that is a lesson for us, that we cannot try to force folks to choose between good and evil, for it ultimately is up to them if they do not want to exist and stay luke warm for their lives and end being spit out of his mouth. I mean certainly a nation with as much good as ours must have some basic foundation of evil supporting it all, so maybe competition is the necessary evil by which we bulwork the whole mess.

I mean the problem with commodification is that it turns us into passive consumers rather than active creators of our own lives and in turn we become less distinguishable as people.

The problem with patronizing is that most people do not know that they are doing it, and it gets real problematic when it is so severe and it comes from a loved one who is clearly worried, and then it turns into something else all together, it turns into real criticism maybe they are two disticnt things and not on a spectrum, but what I am concerned about is this purportedly "loving" criticism, not because I think that we might make the criticizer more aware of the negative effects of their words but because I think that there might be a way to guard against it, if we reasearch the origins of courage and how it might make one impervious to criticism, obviously it is hard to guard against when it is coming from a loved one, and excessive worry only serves to communicate a lack of faith in the receiver to such a degree that it undermines the receivers faith in themselves. This goes back to the foolish woman who does not know it is her own house that she is pulling down with her hands.

I got really interested in the human potential from reading physics and new age books like robert monroe and then the most impressive book found it's way into my hands and that was conversations with god by neal donald walsch

I find it interesting that the woman is the one in genesis to be targeted by the snake, is this the hebrews way of illustrating that woman is more suseptible to deception than man, and if man is susceptible to temptation it is via woman.

Perhaps that is why proverbs esteems the importance of finding a prudent wife. Do you know how much time I spend worried about what will happen to you if I fail

There is a war being waged in your living room. Every night on the tube, forces beyond our control inflate your ego for their own empale. The average spectator turns into participator in a game whose stakes no one knows, but we all would soon find out when people, towns, and colleges start disappearing. They had to make room for the ego’s which did the consuming, and for the people who needed the validation. Self consciousness working in dynamo crafts designed for destroying all humility. As if anyone could walk the line of insecurity without giving into the darker motivations.

And then came Oliver Sophie. He worked out a system known to prevent the destruction of villages. Though of course the adherents amounted to even more valuable acquisitions, and Hollywood stopped at nothing to obtain the fruit. That’s how The Invaluable Grief Talker summited Mount Olympus.

You see in Hollywood even wickedness reaches the end of itself.

You see in the other earth, oddly christ has come and gone, leaving a world of people aware of the futility of self consciousness, and hence the utility of insecurity to disarm the most unconcerned. But the problem is, that as the zeitgeist evolved, it would either disarm you and absorb your identity to the point of oblivion taking you and all your neighbors with it. Unless of course you lived on the block busters block. then you knew who you were absorbed by and might see and enjoy life looking through someone else’s eyes.

Or you yourself got ahead of the curve, saw the turn, and became the cornerstone to which all who were too prideful to surrender ultimately give in. Did you wait on the stragglers, and split the difference between humility and self control. Then maybe you traveled all the way around the block, more than a few times.

But believe me, I have seen it, the corpus christi is coming to a theater near you. So let my life be a lesson for you. Resist the amazement, look down, find the next home blown. And we that are left, we will inhabit the screens of the new earth. arc impulsive to self control, introducing new entertainments= play set up this is what happens .. catalyst one day .. debate mountain, break into two No NO remake

B Story we saw the version that flips all

Fun and Games some self control interviews

Midpoint simulation

Bad Guys close in losing attention

All is lost, vulnerability to film

Dark night of the soul ruins reversed

Break into three self control

Finale playground passion?!

novel/screenplay brainstorm idea themes

A force, a sickness, a condition like apathy, or laziness, but worse, capriciousness, impulsiveness, and cruelty.

Ah but we might ask what sort of pathology, persuasion, or influence propagates the disease. And the answer is obvious, politics, deception, lust, and greed, anything which might seduce and corrupt. Ultimately anything which instigates one to lie.

Therefor all forms of fear, shame, and anything which breeds distrust ought be thrown out.

Worry is the enemy. Doubt and faith come into play. Unconditional love soothes some of the wrinkles.

Doubt and concern of all kinds. Bully’s become repugnant, and existential questions gain value. Of course we weren’t meant to live like animals, we were meant to rule the world, as brothers and sisters. The love of Christ, is understandable. Who else towed the line even in death?

The answers for me were eventual. God had to create a world in which limitation existed if he were ever to incarnate and triumph. Without obstacles there would be no victory. So take it to heart God lives in you and me.

There is a substance responsible for enlightenment but the consequence of said substance entails an overwhelming sexual appeal, a corruption so complete that anything less won’t do.

But when it all is said and done your invisible friends won’t be there to aid you when you are empty and alone at the end of the day. Only generosity and good will can save you then.

There is a group of aliens spending time enjoying your life, and another group making it living hell. They are your parents and your most distant ancestors.

Remember, “There are no masters or kings when the ritual begins.”

I know that they are pagans because they said as much.

And I know why they say that, because they believe that Jesus Christ is Lucifer.

And that seemed all well and good since pagans are known to have a good sense of humor, the very thing that separated Adam from the beasts. But if they come to respect you as a more emotionally devious pagan than themselves, the competition is on, and their jokes grow wicked and sick.

And my fear of the lord is greater than most. So when that power come upon me, who do I turn to to shed that light. Well certainly not the pagans who fight amongst one another. And if they are so fucked up and I was raised by them, could there exist another safe to enlighten?

Do you believe in guardian angels? Well in Islam they contend that we each possess at least two personal guardian angels. I believe they are responsible for giving us all the supernatural human traits, reason, creativity, and compassion. So when you threaten to impose your reasoning, or love, or creativity upon someone else you are calling into question the equality of one another’s angelic endowment. This is known as sin, or transgression. People with this trait, are said to possess poor boundaries, they are too conceited to recognize where one person ends and another begins, and all too often they protest in the name of love. In light of this, I might add, that mothers are the worst, and that all forms of worry are due to weak faith. Or perhaps it makes more sense to say misplaced faith. That is a faith in satan. The unfortunate truth remains that a faith in satan is more understandable in our country than not. So what does it take to not worry. I say it takes more love, because love unlike worry, describes one’s faith.

Besides what is the quality of your lens?

Humor me, because god is humoring you, and getting the joke is all that registers as serious.

Your sense of humor is the key to harvesting the most valuable resource, the very reason for creation, self awareness, the very thing that kills, is the very thing that saves.

And the only gatekeeper brightly shines when we employ reason for the purpose of removing self.

Why not leave your self at the door, humor, humility, and human. When you get it there is no turning back.

They call it the karmic interchange, and the locus of gratitude, it’s that place where surrender is real, you know why you came, and for a minute you are able to gain approval and garnish it as well, your life and the lives of anyone else who were in that moment of communion share a single destination, we have arrived, do you feel it, well don’t worry it will never come thanks to calling it, there is no way to force it down anyone’s throat, that is why it is called: source of surrender salvation’s domain approval’s nexus is it in the lyrics to that song you love, the eyes of the next stranger you meet, that novel keeping you up at night, or the oscar winning performance that we can’t deny

It’s the reason to fight another day, the love waiting for you at the end of the rainbow, the soul’s relief sought after for so long, it is the conclusion and the cause for all of our long journey’s.

So if humor is the touchstone of salvation, perhaps losing one’s ego first, then leading to the diabolical and self righteous prerogative to aid others in losing theirs. So in Hollywood where the coin of the realm seems to be the ability to put others down, well there, folks are actually closer to the ideal Jesus espoused of self denial, in fact they are so close that, they have gotten to the point of not putting up with anyone seeming less humble, and hence put others down.

So if Christ was Lucifer, you say, then why did he say that the wages of sin is death? Well perhaps because the bigger they come the harder they fall. You see if he was Lucifer, then god still used him to help us come to the end of ourselves, and therefor put the rationalization in his mouth that salvation is free, and that includes forgiveness, and grace without end, hence validating any and all sinners. So do what you got to do, that is the message of christ, and that includes, grabbing as much righteousness, hence sinlessness as possible, but only to the end of falling from that much of a greater height. Because Solomon himself warns us not to think of ourselves wise in our own eyes. So the only possible beneficial spiritual outcome of righteousness, is humbling, and hence humor.

So you might ask how do we justify that God made serial Killers and disease? Well, I imagine that if you are in the shoes of God, the only thing satisfying and pleasing to your ears amid the incessant self righteousness of humanity, would be the sounds of supplication and meekness, surrender, and mercy. So, even if God himself does not sanction such atrocities, then perhaps he allows it as a consequence of a universe complete with pain and suffering sufficient to lend the air of authenticity that the self righteous demigod decidedly lacks.

In that case all the fruits of the spirit are real, and despite all the seeming obfuscation of good and evil we recently enunciated, allow the possibility that good is still good and evil is still evil, the lessons of christ still stand. The wages of sin is death, so he is simultaneously Lucifer and Messiah.

Tempting us toward the one truly self corrupting sin, self righteousness, while providing us the one saving grace, surrender.

To be a good leader one ought to be a demonstrative follower. You see the way the mind works, it is dominated by one idea at a time, and if as a follower you are able to pick up on that idea, and possess enough knowledge of the ideas that lead from it, then you are in a perfect position to continue the dance.

q Chapter 9

Among other public buildings in a certain town, which for many reasons it will be prudent to refrain from mentioning, and to which I will assign no fictitious name, there is one anciently common to most towns, great or small: to wit, a workhouse; and in this workhouse was born; on a day and date which I need not trouble myself to repeat, inasmuch as it can be of no possible consequence to the reader, in this stage of the business at all events; the item of mortality whose name is prefixed to the head of this chapter.

For a long time after it was ushered into this world of sorrow and trouble, by the parish surgeon, it remained a matter of considerable doubt whether the child would survive to bear any name at all; in which case it is somewhat more than probable that these memoirs would never have appeared; or, if they had, that being comprised within a couple of pages, they would have possessed the inestimable merit of being the most concise and faithful specimen of biography, extant in the literature of any age or country. Although I am not disposed to maintain that the being born in a workhouse, is in itself the most fortunate and enviable circumstance that can possibly befall a human being, I do mean to say that in this particular instance, it was the best thing for Oliver Twist that could by possibility have occurred. The fact is, that there was considerable difficulty in inducing Oliver to take upon himself the office of respiration,--a troublesome practice, but one which custom has rendered necessary to our easy existence; and for some time he lay gasping on a little flock mattress, rather unequally poised between this world and the next: the balance being decidedly in favour of the latter. Now, if, during this brief period, Oliver had been surrounded by careful grandmothers, anxious aunts, experienced nurses, and doctors of profound wisdom, he would most inevitably and indubitably have been killed in no time. There being nobody by, however, but a pauper old woman, who was rendered rather misty by an unwonted allowance of beer; and a parish surgeon who did such matters by contract; Oliver and Nature fought out the point between them. The result was, that, after a few struggles, Oliver breathed, sneezed, and proceeded to advertise to the inmates of the workhouse the fact of a new burden having been imposed upon the parish, by setting up as loud a cry as could reasonably have been expected from a male infant who had not been possessed of that very useful appendage, a voice, for a much longer space of time than three minutes and a quarter.

As Oliver gave this first proof of the free and proper action of his lungs, the patchwork coverlet which was carelessly flung over the iron bedstead, rustled; the pale face of a young woman was raised feebly from the pillow; and a faint voice imperfectly articulated the words, 'Let me see the child, and die.'

The surgeon had been sitting with his face turned towards the fire: giving the palms of his hands a warm and a rub alternately. As the young woman spoke, he rose, and advancing to the bed's head, said, with more kindness than might have been expected of him: 'Oh, you must not talk about dying yet.'

'Lor bless her dear heart, no!' interposed the nurse, hastily depositing in her pocket a green glass bottle, the contents of which she had been tasting in a corner with evident satisfaction.

'Lor bless her dear heart, when she has lived as long as I have, sir, and had thirteen children of her own, and all on 'em dead except two, and them in the wurkus with me, she'll know better than to take on in that way, bless her dear heart! Think what it is to be a mother, there's a dear young lamb do.'

Apparently this consolatory perspective of a mother's prospects failed in producing its due effect. The patient shook her head, and stretched out her hand towards the child.

The surgeon deposited it in her arms. She imprinted her cold white lips passionately on its forehead; passed her hands over her face; gazed wildly round; shuddered; fell back--and died. They chafed her breast, hands, and temples; but the blood had stopped forever. They talked of hope and comfort. They had been strangers too long.

'It's all over, Mrs. Thingummy!' said the surgeon at last.

'Ah, poor dear, so it is!' said the nurse, picking up the cork of the green bottle, which had fallen out on the pillow, as she stooped to take up the child. 'Poor dear!'

'You needn't mind sending up to me, if the child cries, nurse,' said the surgeon, putting on his gloves with great deliberation. 'It's very likely it WILL be troublesome. Give it a little gruel if it is.' He put on his hat, and, pausing by the bed-side on his way to the door, added, 'She was a good- looking girl, too; where did she come from?'

'She was brought here last night,' replied the old woman, 'by the overseer's order. She was found lying in the street. She had walked some distance, for her shoes were worn to pieces; but where she came from, or where she was going to, nobody knows.'

The surgeon leaned over the body, and raised the left hand. 'The old story,' he said, shaking his head: 'no wedding-ring, I see. Ah! Good-night!'

The medical gentleman walked away to dinner; and the nurse, having once more applied herself to the green bottle, sat down on a low chair before the fire, and proceeded to dress the infant.

What an excellent example of the power of dress, young Oliver Twist was! Wrapped in the blanket which had hitherto formed his only covering, he might have been the child of a nobleman or a beggar; it would have been hard for the haughtiest stranger to have assigned him his proper station in society. But now that he was enveloped in the old calico robes which had grown yellow in the same service, he was badged and ticketed, and fell into his place at once--a parish child--the orphan of a workhouse--the humble, half-starved drudge--to be cuffed and buffeted through the world--despised by all, and pitied by none.

Oliver cried lustily. If he could have known that he was an orphan, left to the tender mercies of church- wardens and overseers, perhaps he would have cried the louder.

I think a lot of us as Christians do not realize the nerve that Jesus had, we get hung up on the divine and forget that he had temptation, or else there was no point in the devil approaching him, and that speaks to the nerve we have. It is not our job to change anyone, that is christ job, even christ spoke to the masses in parables.

When I originally took salvia, I assumed that we all were beset with pride, inborn, hardwired, beastly pride. And now I know that pride takes the form of truth. But that is a good thing because without truth loosing your life for the sake of Jesus holds no value.

And the greatest treasure that we might bestow upon another is acknowledging that the truth as we know it does not apply for them.

Now I am not talking about Truth with a capital T. That kind of truth carries it’s own mascot, in the form of the Holy Spirit, and only those hungry and knocking, asking, searching, those chose by god, receive it.

Luckily I believe we all fit that bill, since life is virtually designed to wear you down to the point of desperation and thirst for Truth.

Some might argue that Science represents Truth with a Capital T. But even scientists admit that a theory is only as good as it’s ability to fit the observations. And the deepest Truth discovered so far by scientists is that of quantum uncertainty, and the power of the observer, hence the demand for faith. But if the greatest Truth is self denial what can we hold on to, the answer is love, including all the fruits of the spirit, against such there is no law.

And realizing this we realize that any other truth is fallible and hence only good so far as we might descend from it upon mercy, humility, humor, and yes love for the resulting mystery.

There is nothing wrong with loving the truth in fact the more you love the truth the more energy you have for humor, the touchstone of mercy. Because without humor you will never show someone mercy, or compassion in fact you won’t even get compassion. And I am not talking about cruel humor, which every bully knows has its place in driving the innocent happy go lucky kid into crisis, which will in turn provide him with the strength to overcome in the long run. But I am talking about the best type of humor, that rare self effacing, wholly driven out of love, kind of renewing and humble humor.

When you see it there will be no denying it, and you will know that it is joy.

Who here might claim to have known joy?

By show of hands, now put your hand down if you also haven’t known sorrow.

That’s right, where we claim joy, we also claim sorrow, and you know why, because our lives are like a seesaw, when we are trying to find christ, and in this life they will always be balanced on the edge of a double edged sword, until we reach the finish line.

It’s kind of like this balancing board, you see saw one way, until you shift your weight so gradually and delicately that you instantaneously see saw back the other way.

Who here knows about these things. Okay if you haven’t tried it, it is pure joy when you find that balance point and begin see sawing back on top of the roller, which is soon replaced by a rising dread and fear when you cross the center point and begin see sawing back away from the roller. Which is good because that fear can be centering in helping to determine when the right time to shift your weight is.

Well life is the same way, and we experience joy when we are approaching the narrow gate. But even more important to the path is that fear which inevitably comes next. Maybe we should not call it fear, we are not of this world, so maybe fear is a good word for it. The trick to finding that balance point and entering into the narrow gate, the key to eternal life, is in using the fear that our joy enables us with. That fear is the key to opening our hearts and pouring out love on others. Without that fear we might not know how someone else is feeling, and we certainly wouldn’t know anything about another’s pain. Because deep down isn’t the most debilitating part of pain the doubt it brings, the sorrow.

So while fear is the enemy it is also the answer. Some might call this the Fear of the Lord, Solomon called it the beginning of knowledge. And the more we see saw back and forth the more we understand that the consequence of joy is the prospect of sorrow. And with that we find the fear necessary to pour out our joy onto others with all the delicacy of someone balanced on the edge of a double edged sword. Someone who knows the joy available and the sorrow lurking. [Blame the devil for the sorrow if you want, or blame yourself for not having enough fear of the lord]

You see by the time you change direction you have already overcome the inertia sending you away from the roller, and after you have done this wrong and fallen a few times, you know the pain of losing your balance, and can appreciate the joy of falling back onto the roller. But when you finally do change direction you do so at a point even higher than you started at initially, and that means a greater potential energy, and the old saying goes, the bigger they come the harder they fall, so either the rescue swing is even more epic, complete with a recurring joy, or the pain and sorrow are that much greater.

That is why christ said that every tree that does not bear fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

You see we do not even bother burning the floor covering because it would not have any fuel in it.

So there is a danger of aspiring to greatness.

It’s only the trees that may be burned in the fire.

Its a good argument for meekness. Even Jesus told his mother it is not my time before working his first miracle.

He spent 30 years of his life in relative obscurity as a humble carpenter from a small town.

And all the time I bet Jesus was practicing, waiting, full of anticipation, as well we should be, for he will come like a thief in the night, and the harvest is great but the workers are few. And then when his time came his first words were the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

So take your time, wait for the moment. You will know when the time is right.

The more I think about it, When you reach the balance point especially the first time, and save the big fall, there is a tremendous sense of accomplishment, dare I say pride.

But we learn to get that under control as we continue to fall back onto the roller, granted a more controlled and graceful fall if you will this time, but pride none the less, and I remember the first few times after achieving it being so carried away with myself that I completely botched the recovery attempt.

And that is how this life goes. We get where we want to be, and if we aren’t careful life gets swept right out from under us by our own prideful momentum.

And if you are like me and your heart goes out to non believers you know they are on the same roller coaster as we are, except they do not know that here we are attempting to build our house on the rock.

And I believe they are pursuing righteousness all the same, because we all know it is the trick to staying on the ball,

And that is why approaching them with a concept fraught with misunderstanding like God is to be done with that much more delicacy, and tact, by example. The only way to convince a non believer to surrender to a creator and put faith in the Messiah, is to show them what it means to get on the ball and stay there and remind them that the only thing at stake is love.

God’s love, and the path to eternal life.

In fact I am willing to bet that most non believers know that something mystical is going on, and worship the idea of staying on the ball. Trusting themselves, and perhaps a wise man once said that the inner child is the only being granted carte blanche in the kingdom of heaven, and they are all worshiping their inner child.

Which we know is rebellious, and spiteful, so take care and use grace patiently waiting for the power of the holy spirit to do the work. be wise as serpents and harmless as doves like them. It is no mistake that we are known as the children of god.

And on and on the topic of last words, if you play with fire you might get burn, therefor stay innocent and be wise and it’s okay if you get burned, that is how you get wise and it keeps you innocent remember fire purifies. part of it means making the way straight for one another, including non believers, do no harm, because if you are getting in someones’ way, you probably are getting in your own. no where does it say, that condescension, judgment, criticism, and strong arming are fruits of the spirit.

In fact that is why most so called atheists choose to follow and worship the inner child. Which might just be something we all have in common.

Since love is the [cups hand around ear]

Question?

Well love can be the question, and we will cover that next week.

In fact questioning is a powerful dicey, double edged sword kind of way to show love.

No doubt last week I walked a fine line, by calling into question the meaning of holiness, and truth, and the joy, pure joy of following the leader of self denial.

And if you weren’t here, trust me it was a fine conversation, and in no way undermined the uncertainty that fuels our faith.

But christ did not say that we were to be luke warm, nor did he merely say we were just to get hot, he said be hot or cold.

And what does it mean, well I submit that when we are asking ourselves and others the hard questions we are pouring on the cold water. and to return to the theme of last week in order to pull it off it has to be done with grace and tact, otherwise you might not bear any fruit.

Now what do I mean by that, grace and tact. Well it means doing it when you feel hot. That kind of makes sense it’s okay to act cold when you feel hot. Because if you do it when you are cold, then people will probably think you are being cold, and be turned off.

Besides don’t we give the ball to the player that is getting hot.

Okay, pastor you say what do you mean when you say hot. Again a return from last week, what are the fruits of the spirit. Anyone know them?

That’s right, I heard peace love joy patience, there is also kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness and self control.

And though being cold when your feeling cold might win you some points with god, and might grow your tree, what kind of tree will it be, you see even god wants good wood to fuel the fires of hell that light up and warm heaven. it’s not what goes into a mans’ mouth that defiles him but what comes out of a man’s mouth

And you might want me to stop right here as we reflect together on the mystery that is life and death in eternity.

The relevant scripture that comes to mind comes out of Matthew and reads: Either make the tree good and it’s fruit good or else make the tree bad and it’s fruit bad for a tree is known by it’s fruit. what kind of tree are you

You see I think he was giving us instructions on how to grow trees, if you are luke warm you don’t even register as standing in the forest. but what kind of tree are you and if you are a bad tree, is it really my job to try and convince you to change your ways no god wants you to be a tree hot or cold. and if you are not a tree at all perhaps just a baby sapling, where do you turn for love?

To god or the devil because they each have their ways. and I do mean ways. wide is the way and broad is the gate which leads to destruction and and there are many who go in by it but narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life and there are few who find it. discussion of the sermon on the mount

And I am not saying it is wrong for a christian to ever be hot, but realize that in so doing we are showing mercy and making ourselves targets. being hot and acting hot are two different things, it’s okay to be hot with the fruits of the spirit, it is the very quality of being not of this world.

The world is cold, and god made it that way so we might learn confidence, and by the same token if we act cold instead of be cold we defend ourselves against the world while teaching others the value of doing the same

If I were to leave you with a final thought, it would be this, following the master of self denial, sounds like we are being cold to ourselves, but we can do this because we know we are the light.

And going out in the world might require you to be cold. But no one lights a lamp and puts it under a basked, but on a lamp stand where it can give light to all who come in the house

Another good one out of Mathew will be fodder for next week

Therefor every scribe instructed concerning the kingdom of heaven is like a householder who brings out of his treasure things new and old So what does it mean to be instructed concerning the kingdom of heaven, well one verse comes to mind, out of matthew, Jesus says, Therefor do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul but rather fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell, almost everything else christ says is based on this, do you know your foundational theology, we fear god because he is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, beneficent, alpha and omega.

When christ speaks on doing the will of the father, this is what he is talking about, doing anything else is foolish.

So Ian, again why should I fear god if he is all loving?

Well even an all loving god puts the wicked out of their misery.

Okay Ian, I fear god, now what? Well you ever hear the saying, the conversation is growing old.

Well that is why god endows us with new treasure, to pull into existence, after all we are created in his image.

And the more you build your house on the rock and the fear of the lord, the more you will develop the long view, and see the big picture, now I am not very old, the age of christ when he died in fact, and I am already pulling out some old wisdom from over the years

And the years will be longer, because in this life you will have trouble, and all of your days may be packed with the same old new growth but run the race, and I hope for you a time is coming when the blessings will grow so thick, that you will find the confidence to make all things new.

But even that might get old if you are like me, and do you know what I did, I found a wife, and started a family end with a note the joy of being different, and christ message of authenticity corruption via vanity self denial as a sure way to authenticity ecclesiastes and Mathew two most important commandments do it for god and do it in the name of love, or better yet do it with love when you realize the devastating reality of what is at stake, our eternal lives are hanging in the balance, every moment we succeed or fail to bear good fruit, your eyes are opened to the value of a rare light hearted moment.

Ever wonder why the gate to eternal life is so narrow, well I think it is because the difference between concerning yourself with bearing good fruit, and concerning yourself with the glory of men is so close. and why not, certainly, not all the time, it might feel glorious to bear good fruit, but note the difference between the will of the flesh, which is to obtain the glory of men, and the will of the spirit, which is always bittersweet, when you understand the parable of the sower, because not all of the seeds take root let alone themselves bear good fruit, it’s a hard truth, that serves to focus us on the work of planting the seeds well with great tenderness and care as we balance on the edge of a knife but the sowers job is to plant abundantly so of course some seed will fall among thorns, and on the rock, but since the seed is the word of god we don’t, need to worry about running out,

That was there light which gives light to every man coming into the world

To my knowledge john doesn’t mention original sin, or generational sin, in fact he points out that the cripple affords no judgment, now it’s not a popular teaching, but maybe it ought to be we come into this world with light in us not necessarily darkness and it’s the world which lives in darkness, and leads us to misunderstand the light we were given creating sin that is what made me take psychedelics, for I believed that we are blinded by our pride, and that god gave us plants equipped specifically for unblinding us and you may say I don’t want to hear about your foolish searching for the light, and you would probably concluded that psychedelics actually contain darkness, and what if that is their secret, plunging you into a darkness so deep that you have no choice but to correctly perceive your own light, what if that is the purpose of the world, why did god create darkness, and pain, and suffering, well one purely academic and philosophical answer is that without darkness the light has nothing else to overcome put another way is it possible that it’s not just the purity of the darkness that allows you to perceive the light of god inside of you and outside of you, but the removal of all the false lights. and since the most common experience is that of the mystical experience of oneness well then maybe the distinction of inside and outside also falls away without darkness would light even be known as light it’s like saying without confusion would information still hold value you may think there is still something twisted and cruel about that, as if it’s all some kind of cosmic joke, but trust me when you are on the inside, where the light is and you finally get the joke, I hope you will laugh in the face of the darkness without the shame that the devil uses to keep us grasping at perfection for the sake of the glory of men maybe the light is the missing ingredient to help free the believers from the shame and guilt brought on by sin, I mean having something in common with christ doesn’t hurt. three cheers for being divine so for those who cannot reconcile johns contention with original sin allow this, god is omnipotent, he makes all things possible including contradiction, I mean how else could he be omniscient and give us free will therefor I conclude that the doctrine of original sin has its rare place every bit as much as john’s doctrine of man’s divinity

I am listening to the Killin It series and reflecting on pride as it relates to our family, and it occurred to me, that I seek righteousness, in meekness, which was my point about non christians, I feel that they know, as you read above the value of taking the high road, maybe you remember the popular song of the same title that I fell in love with, the relevant line reads, “The High Road is Hard to Find” and what is so wrong with pride since it makes you small, so it’s got it’s own punishment and reward, meekness, hence a cultural secular obsession with the good life. I know my message will be one of oxymorons. Exhibit A. Preaching that the most selfish nation on earth is obsessed with humility. But what a better way to rehabilitate America’s image of themselves and what pride is most concerned with and hence we should not be concerned with in the eyes of others.

He says pride crowds people out, well do you crowd me out and shut me down? Defending you in an honest conversation with Lorena about this, since it opened an ancient wound that goes back to the mental hospital when you tried to shut me down by yelling at me last night, and I said that competition is healthy and that you were just afraid that like you I am in love with myself, but I also told her that what you don’t know is that at times I am in danger of falling out of love with myself. You have a great ability to humor others and teach them to find their own voice, so it’s ironic that you would use your same wisdom to get someone to stop talking, make them small appealing to their pride. When you get righteous for no good reason, it’s like saying hey, look at me, don’t you want pride. Hence appealing to their pride. Hence making the high road hard to find. Which is the opposite of John’s purpose, making straight the way of the Lord. No, I suffer from a lack of pride, and attempt to remedy it by seeking the high road, which I am sure you are wondering, most people know as the road of humility, being a bigger man or woman. I am sure you only do what appears as hostility, in your own attempt at finding the high road, but it’s not that hard to find. But it did lead to Lorena and I having a good conversation and now my watching of the killing it series, so it worked.

My mental illness is a result of insecurity about finding the high road, jessie took that insecurity away while you stimulate it (for your own gain?) (Unintentionally?)

We all know you are gifted in making others feel at ease, so it’s hard to believe that you don’t know when you are doing the opposite.

I am sure the disconnect, a point in your favor —> comes from your unbounded faith in me and my confidence. And your reaction makes sense to someone attempting to diffuse what you see as a train wreck waiting to happen, and not from some unworthiness. pride in christ is called meekness, how much pride did it take to wash the disciples feet, well if you are a humble person, the answer is a lot. washing your car is a humble task, but it shows pride of ownership christ took ownership over his disciples that day he did not, in my eyes, seeing through his eyes, if he wanted to be christ it meant no choice in the matter take ownership of the piece of christ living in you by doing things for others without a thought to their glory.

There is nothing meek about taking away another pride, because then you make it your own, and besides that is Christ’s work to do through invitation only maybe if your were catholic you wouldn’t find it hard to hold onto your own pride in the face of righteousness because you would see it in your congregation.

Ask yourself this question how many people do you know who you can genuinely say do not care about being genuine?

The only people I can think of are those, and I am not saying they are not genuine, but maybe they are a little slow, and because of that they cannot help being anything but genuine. So it would make sense that they do not worry about being genuine, which when taken to extremes, actually makes itself into vanity, and is a sure fire way to be ungenuine. So the people I am talking about are so genuine because they have no concept of vanity. So it’s not these people we are concerned with. It’s the people who are a little more intelligent and thanks to that intelligence maybe they think a little to highly of themselves and if they are christian maybe they worry a little too much about what others think of them. Even though christ warns about not doing anything for the glory of men. Which takes a certain pride of ownership over yourself, over your own pride. Okay so when does it get ugly? Well it’s normally the result of insults. The more you insult someone intelligent, someone that thought you loved them the more they will question their own pride, which can make ugly wounds that fester and smart. So you make a smart ass by being a smart ass.

You cannot attack something without stimulating it. Attacking vanity and pride are forms of vanity and pride.

Antidote

You are the antidote to mary beth’s poison, and the warmth of your love is that much greater, maybe because we both know that you have it in you to be that much colder ;)

You know I know better to even think about anything beyond the best friends that ever were.

Besides Lorena and I wish to celebrate the happiness of your marriage as you and Joe celebrate the beginning of ours.

I am fully aware that my attempt at theology may be misunderstood but to me pride is sacred. Now granted in my life my righteousness is and has throughly been pruned so perhaps it explains the trimming. To me without pride there is nothing to sacrifice. And in truth the sacrifice amounts to the most prideful part not the waiting for pride. So it was funny in a good way when Andy said the pride waits. Waiting, I am thinking, for the harvest to ripen. And make no mistake the harvest is where we claim our pride. the holy spirit fills us with something like pride, pride is just the best word I know for it, another word for it is power. But make no mistake the real pride is in the sacrifice, because that is where we claim our anointing, and it is only proven real if we have waited, and waiting requires pride, it’s a pride of ownership, ownership of our faith, but when we do wait, god fills us with power. to me righteousness is the sin, since that is what has been trimmed, and all that remains is pride let’s hear it for the best audience this side of the misissipi, don’t even get me started on those hooligans in Seattle. The shit you see in one comedy club all in one night. My best friend says profanity indicates a low iq and a poor vocabulary, well fuck him. no seriously I am self conscious about my intellect. At least until I became a christian. and realized that god is the sickest motherfucker of them all. But seriously what is so bad about a religion that emphasizes self denial. point in case sir make fun of yourself, wait I will do it, get a fucking haircut,

But some of you might still be worried about my intellect for being a christian. And to those of you I say fuck you.

You still want to claim the joke, which is the right of every christian worth his salt. What joke am I talking about, the one when god sent his son to die on the cross. No? Yea, he actually killed him. But when you get that joke which ends with jesus telling the punchline, you will get all the other jokes, and you will get which of the jokes are untasteful. And then your sense of humor will become better and you will laugh through the next horror film you see.

You guys probably already get the joke, because if you don’t claim the righteousness of self denial at some point your going to suffer.

We are all under the same rules even if we do not say the magic words.

Hey at least I didn’t start out that way, I started out as an agnostic. Because come on how can an all loving god create a world in which only some people get into heaven. and the rest burn in hell, fuck em

Seriously though this worried me. So I guess the seeds of faith were germinating anyway.

So what would you do I promptly took all of the psychedelics I could get my hands on.

Really what option did I have. You will thank me later nerds.

wow wow you got the best of my love

Observer: You told her you were getting married and didn’t even get a call?

Me: Nope Nothing

I am only asking for the best friendship two friends could have.

If we can agree that the creative impulse essentially indicates selfish motivations then does it not logically follow that the destructive impulse arises out of mercy and love is this not what christ taught? psalms chapter 4 says be angry and do not sin is this not what christ portrayed. he was angry and sought to use that anger to eradicate fear the kind of fear which makes us weak before the will of the flesh when you fear a higher power there arises comfort also comfort in the love assured to you by your fear and penitence christ merely sought to destroy and not create for selfish reasons he sought to destroy the will of the flesh worry, doubt and fear when a strong leader uses righteous anger to align his followers isn’t he destroying their fear and doubt that he might be a weak leader and replacing it with confidence and comfort?

How angry do you have to be at the devil to die for all humanity? and how righteous for god do you have to be to harness that anger and overturn the moneychangers tables and what does it mean to fulfill the law, if the law is a double edged sword it takes equal parts good and evil to be fulfilled what kind of strength does it take to sacrifice all the trees which do not bear good fruit and toss them into the fire because the lord our god is one, but he cannot be at one with wickedness, and hence must sacrifice part of himself, a destructive impulse painted in a different light, the light of god, the light of self denial. so you might ask which of the fruits of the spirit validate a useful and destructive attitude well perhaps it is self control, do not give into the impulse to flatter with the tongue as david talks about in psalms chapter five and to do that requires self control, a fruit of the spirit is not the word that which separates us from animals it takes a cultured attitude, a civilized disposition, and a refined sensibility to marshal language to the benefit of our fellow man the word reveals the will of the spirit without it all we are left with is the will of the flesh and when your flesh is consecrated to god even that will guide you sanctification means a gradual purification and redemption of the will of the flesh so please do not misunderstand the lord your god he doesn’t want you zealously obsessed with righteousness mercy is found in self denial which might masquerade in truth as self destruction in the mind of the flesh sometimes I think that the creative impulse say to be a writer and impact others is a wholly selfish impulse, and though it may be true that the sincere desire of any writer is only to share some of the wisdom they have gained with others, the point remains worthy to consideration is it more selfless, to not worry about the will of the flesh, which is to obtain the glory of men, and to worry more about the will of the spirit, which is to obtain the glory of the lord, and may include tough love, pride, and anger if you want scriptures to back it up go to ecclesiastes he says:

I have seen everything in my days of vanity, there is a righteous man who perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man who prolongs life in his wickedness, therefore do not be overly righteous nor be overly wise, why do you want to destroy yourself do not be overly wicked nor be foolish, why should you die before your time it is good that you grasp this and also not remove your hand from the other for he who fears god will escape them all

Solomon in proverbs says do not be wise in your own eyes fear the lord and depart from evil, it will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones

So in order not to be wise in your own eyes, sometimes it means being wise like a serpent, and doing some evil thing, to gain the wisdom of mercy this is not a teaching for everyone, but you will know if it is for you and if you are at this level, you will not actually be doing something evil, merely something which feels evil, in order to show mercy to others and gain the mercy of god

Furthermore we are not of this world and the god of this world is the devil so when we are in the will of god it may appear abysmally wrong in the eyes of the world the pursuit of perfection and particular the sentiment that one is perfect can be a curse all devout believers are in the pursuit of rapture and after seeking perfection that rapture might feel down right wicked comedians can appear as some of the most angry and hostile personalities and yet they are constantly sharing with the world joy and mercy

I think an obsession with wisdom and righteousness parallels an obsession with scholarly pursuit, but how many scholars do we know who have begun to fade out for lack of sinful relationships the true seeker will not misunderstand this teaching but will always receive the wisdom of the spirit to tell true evil from righteousness

If she thinks you are smarter than her, she develops a rapid and cynical mistrust that she uses to disparage, degrade, and deprive.

If she tries that shit with me again I am going to ask her if she likes to torture small animals

Or get a therapist to gently explain to her that when you love something to an unhealthy degree it is generally good advice not to give them personal advice.

And I use the noun something rather than someone, and I will continue to use it till I feel like she sees me as a separate and self determined individual, a person, a human being.

Of course a lot might be explained when you realize that she still obsesses out loud about how her first husband some thirty years ago is still a sociopath.

Of course he is my father, and hearing his side, well he graciously exalts her as the smartest woman he ever dated, this coming from someone who loves and worships all women as the brighter gender.

All I can really gather from the available information is that she had met her match and sabotaged that relationship paralleling the way she sabotages ours.

When you overcome it is only for your own glory and the glory of others that you shed some grace on whoever you meet. ashole1990 britt 18936

In the beginning god created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty. And darkness was over the surface of the deep. And the spirit of god was hovering above the waters.

And god said let there be light. And there was light. God saw that the light was good and he separated the light from the darkness the light he called day and the darkness he called night. and there was evening and there was morning the first day and god said let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water. So god made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. God called the vault sky. and there was evening and there was morning the second day and god said let the water under the sky be gathered to one place and let dry ground appear. and it was so. The dry ground he called land and the gathered waters he called seas. And god saw that it was good then god said let the land produce vegetation: