School shootings are now a shared friends disappeared from his life. He is The gunman swung by the same The Surviving Victims American experience that we all see and tomorrow’s America. Walmart, where he bought a drink. Denise fear. They happen repeatedly, and we believes she may have been there at the A year after watch the news in horror. The Foote fami- At Stoneman Douglas on that dread- same time. She drove home with that wor- the tragic shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, ly has experienced it from the inside. They ful day, a campus monitor finally called a ried feeling in her gut. In her living room, have seen the veneer of American safety code red three minutes after the first gun- she could still hear the sirens. “That was the invisible wounds have not healed, stripped away. shots. Deputies from the Broward County unusual since the hurricane windows usu- but linger amid other devotions. They thought their son’s school was on Sheriff’s Office arrived, but none entered ally block out sound,” she says. She texted top of security. It was not. They thought the building to pursue the shooter, despite Todd at work, and he reassured her. She police would run toward the shooter. They hearing gunfire — another failure, since it turned on the TV to check for breaking did not. In the year following the massa- is standard protocol to move immediately news. None. She called her mother. Then cre, their responses to the events of that toward gunshots, according to the state she looked at the news again and saw it. terrible day, individually and as a fam- report. The killer dropped his weapon and Scrolling across the screen were the heart- ily, took them to very different places. “It left the building, joining a group of stu- stopping words: “Possible shooting at changes you as a person,” Denise says. dents running toward nearby Westglades Marjory Stoneman Douglas.” Todd dramatically changed his politics, Middle School. Denise and Todd had three Panicked, she texted Austin, afraid that becoming a fiery activist. Denise switched children at the middle school. A code red calling would put him in danger. jobs, needing more calm. had been called there, and the kids were “Are you OK?” By Abigail Pesta ’91 For 15-year-old Austin, only time will huddled under tables, locked in their “Yes,” he said. He was fine for the tell. In the weekend I spent with him, he classrooms. moment, hunkered down behind a Kevlar enise Foote was out shopping for Valentine’s Day stairs, while students on the second floor ran into classrooms. wasn’t ready to say much about his expe- Denise heard sirens wailing as she screen used for marksmanship. Doors treats for her kids when the killing began. Other kids on the third floor evacuated as they would for a fire rience. He loves animals, dreams of joining walked out of the Walmart. “It was so loud, locked, lights off. She wanted to make a big white-chocolate- drill, confused by the alarm. the Air Force, keeps busy with training. He such a commotion,” she says. “As a mom, Communications were slow; Austin chip cookie — her kids’ favorite — in the shape Athletic director Chris Hixon, responding to the gunfire, en- is still coming to terms with the day his I had a bad feeling.” recalls that it took a couple minutes for D of a heart. She picked out the ingredients at the tered the building, got shot and crawled behind a wall. He would Walmart in Parkland, Florida, and nabbed some candies, too, be shot again, never to get up. planning to put them in little tins that her husband, Todd, had 2:23 p.m. bought for the occasion. She pictured a festive evening ahead. More rounds fired, murdering student Carmen Schentrup. The Foote family: Austin, Brandon, Ethan, Jessica, Denise and Todd at the high school in Parkland, Florida, where 17 people were killed. At that moment, a gunman walked through an unlocked gate Assistant football coach Aaron Feis opened a door to the build- in the chain-link fence around Marjory Stoneman Douglas High ing and was shot dead. The shooter walked upstairs and killed School. cross-country coach Scott Beigel as he held open a classroom The couple’s son Austin, a freshman at the school, was sit- door so kids could take cover. The gunman next killed students ting at his desk in biology class. Jaime Guttenberg, Cara Loughran, Joaquin Oliver, Meadow Pol- 2:19 p.m. School was almost out. lack and Peter Wang. The only armed guard on campus failed to A campus monitor spotted the gunman heading for a three- enter the building, opting instead to hide, according to the state story classroom building, Building 12, carrying a rifle bag. The report. monitor recognized the youth as a former student — a troubled Austin Foote sat in class in the biology building, unaware of kid he had once discussed as a potential school shooter at a the carnage next door. He thought it was odd to hear a fire alarm staff meeting — but he did not call a code red, which would since the school had already performed a fire drill that day. His have put the school on lockdown. Instead, he radioed another class got up to evacuate, and when he stepped outside, he heard campus monitor, who also recognized the gunman, and saw the gunfire. “I couldn’t tell where it was coming from,” he says. him enter the building. Still no code red. The failure to call for a He makes a rapid, whizzing sound to describe it. His classmates lockdown was one of many security lapses that day, according ran for cover in the Junior ROTC building. He had no idea that to the January 2019 report of the state public safety commis- on that day, February 14, 2018, five of his friends would not sion that investigated the attack. leave the school alive. 2:21 p.m. The first shots. I meet with the Foote family in January of this year, a month Firing his AR-15 semiautomatic rifle into the hallway, the before the first anniversary of the shooting. They’re sitting gunman killed students Martin Duque, Luke Hoyer and Gina around the living room, a soothing oasis of teals and blues, with Montalto. The gunfire triggered a fire alarm due to dust falling sea-themed artwork and an abundance of pillows — excellent from the ceiling. He shot into classrooms, killing students Alys- building blocks for forts, the family’s four kids tell me. A tiger sa Alhadeff, Alaina Petty, Alex Schachter, Nicholas Dworet and cat peeks out from under a chair. A sunny porch is decked out Helena Ramsay. Someone called 911. The call got routed from with Notre Dame paraphernalia, including a “Play Like a Cham- one call center to another, slowing the response. Kids in a third- pion Today” banner. It’s a man cave, Todd says. He got his MBA floor classroom of Building 12 heard gunshots and fled for the from Notre Dame in 2002.

Abby Pesta, a former intern with this magazine, has written for The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Atlantic and Newsweek. She is the author of The Girls: An All-American Town, a Predatory Doctor, and the Untold Story of the Gymnasts Who Brought Him Down and coauthor of How Dare the Sun Rise: Memoirs of a War Child. photography by benjamin rusnak

18 n o t r e d a m e m a g a z i n e S p r i n g 2 0 1 9 19 a text to go through. Denise called Todd popped out cookies for a quarter apiece. Therapists volunteered their services, and ‘You want to and texted the kids at the middle school, Another time, he built a go-kart, fashion- Austin went to see one, but wasn’t ready but could reach only her daughter, hiding ing an engine out of an electric drill. “It to talk. take the pain under a table. The gunman remained on was epic for 10 minutes,” he says. Then Todd says he “flipped a switch” after off your kid, the loose, pausing at a McDonald’s before the engine died, stinking up the garage. talking to Austin. He had been horrified moving on. All the kids are creative. Jessica, a sev- by shootings in the past, but then had but what can Todd rushed home, police cars flying enth grader, plays the French horn. Austin, gone back to his life. This time, he felt a you say?’ says past him. Austin stayed hidden until a now a sophomore, plays guitar. Eighth- call to fight. He sat down at his computer, SWAT team banged on the door. “Everyone grader Brandon plans to try out for his furiously typing up an uncharacteristic Todd. ‘What is started freaking out,” he says. “We had to first school play, Legally Blonde. When talk Facebook post. “I used to always be really a dad supposed walk out with our hands up and leave our turns to the shooting, Brandon and Jessica careful with what I said,” he notes. “No backpacks. I was smart and grabbed my speak freely. Jessica says she advised a more. I just let loose.” to say to his glasses and phone.” He texted his friend friend to play dead if a gunman came. “No In the lengthy post, the lifelong Repub- son after five of Alaina. No reply. Then he began walking one was allowed to leave the room,” she lican wrote, “You can’t imagine how hard home, helicopters hovering overhead. “A says. “We had to pee in cups.” Brandon it is to try to console your teenage son his friends were reporter stopped me and asked all these recalls hearing the faint sound of gunshots who has lost so much. A child who should just murdered questions,” he recalls. “But I had no idea from his classroom. Ethan, who was also be thinking of girls and video games, rath- what had happened.” at the middle school, remains silent. er than crying about these senseless loss- at school?’ More than an hour after the first gun- Austin is mostly quiet, too. He was es- es and having to wait for school to start, shots, the killer was caught and arrested pecially close to Alaina Petty, one of the only to know the chairs of his friends will about two miles from the school. Identi- first students to be shot. “They saw each forever remain empty. . . . fied as 19-year-old Nikolas Cruz, he had other six days a week,” says Todd. Both “It’s easy to sit from afar and send hap- suffered mental health issues throughout were in Junior ROTC, and they often did py wishes, hugs and prayers. This doesn’t his life. He killed 14 students and three activities together. Austin learned of Alai- work to fix this recurring, murderous staff members, and injured 17 others. na’s death the morning after the massacre. cycle. Action is now required and sensible Denise, blue-eyed and soft-spoken, in Washington, D.C. Todd laughs about “I didn’t really want to get arrested, or Todd recognized him as the awkward kid The night before, he and his friends had gun control MUST happen.” says she admired Todd’s passion but wor- how he had always thought marches were fired. I’ve never been radical.” Denise had who worked behind the counter at the been texting, checking to see who was still That week, he realized that his new ried about his anger during those first few for hippies, not for him. Amid the sea of the same concerns. But Todd had prom- dollar store. alive. Alaina had not replied. political views might cost him friends and weeks. “I was afraid it was going to con- protesters, the couple felt inspired by the ised the father of one of the murdered family. It started when his sume him. He was all-in, which was fabu- momentum of the youth-led movement. students, Joaquin Oliver, that he would be uncle posted something on lous, but at the same time, I didn’t want “We were so proud of our Parkland kids,” there. At the protest, Denise met Joaquin’s Facebook that infuriated and this anger to disrupt his whole life.” Denise says. “We feel like they’re our mother and pledged never to forget her baffled him. It was a link to Todd decided to channel his pain and kids.” That same month, Florida passed a son. Lying on the floor, she says, “I cried ‘I thought,’ a story spouting conspiracy rage into activism, tackling the issues that major gun reform and school safety bill, the whole time.” theories about the massacre. had led to the tragedy, he says, includ- raising the age to purchase any firearm At home, Denise tried to keep things says Denise, Known as “truthers,” such ing “guns, school security, mental health, from 18 to 21, among other changes. The as normal as possible, even though she ‘I can’t be a people claim that mass shoot- heeding the warning signs of troubled troubled Parkland teen had bought his was having nightmares. “I thought, I can’t ings are fake and that the youth.” But before he could get to work, semiautomatic rifle legally. be a mess in front of my kids, or they’ll mess in front grieving people in the news he had to do something unthinkable with In April, Todd took another step, head- be a mess.” But life would never really be of my kids, photos are actors. his son. They needed to attend the funeral ing up a scholarship program for students normal again. One night at dinner, while Todd couldn’t believe it. of Austin’s friend Alaina — on the day at the high school, funded by the health- talking about a military ball that Aus- or they’ll be He had just been texting with of Austin’s 15th birthday. “I just cracked care company where he is a senior direc- tin planned to attend, Denise asked him, a mess.’ this uncle, who had sent a walking through the church,” Todd says. “I tor of finance. He hustled to meet with “Who would you like to ask to the dance?” flurry of thoughtful notes, cried like a baby.” lawyers and learn how to launch a foun- He replied, “I can’t ask her.” It was Alaina. saying he was thinking of Aus- Back at work, he tried not to break dation. He wanted to get the first schol- Denise wondered if he had felt much more tin. “He’d been telling me he down when people asked how he was arships into seniors’ hands before they for her than friendship. was praying for me and ask- doing. Austin soon headed back to the graduated. In May, he stood onstage at an Todd and Denise went to get their kids Todd wondered how to console his ing what he could do to help,” Todd says. school — and to the scene of the crime. awards ceremony and handed out $10,000 It’s a chilly night following a hot day at the middle school. Mercifully the entire son after the atrocity. “You want to take Yet at the same time, his uncle was pro- There, kids did art therapy and petted ani- in scholarships. His company has since in Parkland, and a carnival welcomes family was safe. Other parents gathered the pain off your kid, but what can you moting the idea that the shooting was a mals: horses, dogs, baby pigs and a llama, committed to giving $1 million over five visitors under a crescent moon in Pine at the Marriott, waiting to hear the fate of say? What is a dad supposed to say to hoax. It made no sense. Todd “unfriended” “or maybe it was a goat,” Austin says with years, he says, and he will supervise it. Trails Park. In the wake of the shooting, their children on the worst day imaginable. his son after five of his friends were just and blocked him. Later, he felt incensed a smile. As a cat lover, he adds, “They That same month, Todd and Denise 17 statues of angels stood here, in honor murdered at school?” Austin kept look- again when his brother posted that peo- should have had cats. There’s such a ste- had another first, participating in a “die- of the lives lost. Tonight, kids are wan- For the Foote family, the year to come ing at cellphone pictures of his friends, ple, not guns, are to blame for violence. reotype against cats.” in” at a local Publix store, lying on the dering among the rides and retro cotton- was an evolution. saying, “Dad, look, this was just a few Todd confronted him, saying, “This is raw Todd and Denise started calling state floor to play dead in protest of the gro- candy stands, some shivering in shorts in In their living room on a Saturday af- days ago.” In one, he and Alaina were all for me. I would love to stay brothers with and local lawmakers, pushing for legisla- cer’s political contributions. The night be- T-shirts, others wearing jeans and coats. ternoon, the kids joke around, telling me smiles. “They’re gone,” Austin said in dis- you. But think about what you’re saying. tion on gun control and school safety. In fore the event, the couple lay in bed, wide They’re smiling, eating hot dogs, hopping how Ethan, now a freshman, is the brainy belief. Todd told him, “I’m sorry, buddy. What if something like this happened to March, they headed north to join their awake. Neither one of them had done any- on rides. Little kids throw ping-pong balls one. He once made an Oreo dispenser that When you want to talk about it, I’m here.” your daughters?” first-ever protest, the March for Our Lives thing like this. Todd laughs as he recalls, at glass bowls, trying to win goldfish. In

20 n o t r e d a m e m a g a z i n e S p r i n g 2 0 1 9 21 an amphitheater, a band sings an evoca- Both Todd and Denise were raised Mor- policy, no written lockdown procedures. to dip, Mitch smiles as he shares memo- tive cover of “Dreams” by Fleetwood mon, but stopped practicing the religion Staff members didn’t know or understand ries of his son, but his pain is palpable. Mac. as adults. “I believe in a higher power, but the criteria for calling a code red. “Nick was a leader, a dreamer and a lover,” Standing on the dewy grass, Todd I don’t know what that exactly looks like,” When contacted for comment, school he says. watches the young people having a fun Denise says. “I think the school shoot- officials referred me to the school dis- Over dinner at a coal-oven pizza res- night, like any other kids in any other ing increased my belief in a higher power. trict’s public information office, which did taurant with the windows open to the cool town, yet not. He wonders what lies be- I know that may sound odd, but I can’t not respond. The Broward County Sher- evening air, the Foote family discusses hind their smiles. “When I see these kids believe family members will be separated iff’s Office declined to comment. what they might do this year on Valen- now, I think, what is their story? Were from their loved ones forever. I truly feel Todd and Denise began pushing for tine’s Day. Denise and Todd plan to take they at the high school that day? What that we will be reunited with our loved school safety. They campaigned for school the day off. Her parents are coming in from did they see?” ones after we leave this earth.” For Todd, board candidates who shared that goal, Arizona. Austin says he might go to school He talks about the damage done the shooting sparked a different response. including Lori Alhadeff, who’d lost her that day, noting that there will be commu- by semiautomatic rifles. “When some- “If anything, the massacre led me to doubt daughter, Alyssa, in the shooting. In Au- nity service projects. “I think I should be one gets shot, you think of it as a clean religion and a belief in God more,” he says, gust, Lori won her race. “I never used there,” he says. They talk about the past wound, like in the movies. But these as- noting that he sees a disconnect in peo- to pay attention to who’s on the school year and the changes in their lives. sault rifles just blow people to pieces. It’s ple who say they are religious but don’t board, who’s the superintendent, the lo- “For me, there is an underlying sad- not a clean hole in the chest. It’s a com- support laws to protect kids from being cal councilman,” Todd says. “Now I know.” ness now, something deep down,” Denise pletely demolished kid. Some of these gunned down at school. In October, he posted on Facebook, “Last says. “It took away that innocence. You’re kids were shot nine, 10 times. There’s The couple thought Parkland would be month I left the Republican party and be- not as carefree. You know that your kids nothing left,” he says. “You have to think a great place to raise their family — it was came unaffiliated. It’s liberating to not feel aren’t safe, and that the people who are Austin Foote was in biology class when the shooting began and thought it odd to hear the about what a shooting looks like — death known for being safe. They were shocked the impulse to doggedly defend a party, fire alarm when there had already been a fire drill that day. supposed to look out for them might not and chaos and carnage.” Denise winces, to learn about the security lapses at Aus- person, or position just because I’m at- be doing so.” Denise, who worked as a sadness crossing her face. She says her tin’s school. Among the many failures list- tached to it.” neonatal nurse in an intensive care unit brother once likened owning a gun to ed in the state commission’s report, the He tells me he doesn’t vote red or blue at the time of the shooting, says that in possessing the ring in The Lord of the classroom doors locked from the outside, now, but orange, the color symbolizing for Todd and Denise to pass the build- with red and pink hearts. Denise hurries the months that followed, the daily stress Rings. “It becomes your ‘precious.’ Peo- not the inside, and many were unlocked gun safety. ing. Todd makes a point not to drive past by without turning her head. “I can’t look and tragedy of the job became too great, ple want to protect it,” she says. “They’re as the shooter stormed the halls. At the it. “But the students have to walk past it at it,” she says. It’s a reminder of life when especially when preemies were born with afraid someone will take it away.” same time, some of the bathrooms were On a scorching Sunday afternoon every day at school,” he says. “I feel like if it was more innocent, a year ago when she deadly problems and drug addiction. She Denise and Todd both grew up around locked due to a student vaping problem, at Stoneman Douglas, Todd shows me they can do it, I should be able to.” was planning her Valentine’s evening for now spends her days giving IV infusions, guns. Todd shot targets with his dad and so kids couldn’t seek cover in them. In ad- where the gunman entered through the At a corner of the campus, a small the kids. We pick out little pots of orange, which she finds more peaceful. grandfather in Arizona. “We had an an- dition, the school district didn’t allow po- unlocked gate — another security failure. crowd is gathering beside a garden of yellow and red flowers and head back to She describes the aftershocks of the nual Thanksgiving tradition, shooting old lice access to live campus video systems, He points to Building 12, where the shoot- freshly planted flowers. A student, Tori the school. massacre that have come throughout the pop cans in the desert,” he says, noting hindering the response. ing occurred, and describes the sequence Gonzalez, began planting the garden with At the garden, parents of students who year. She recalls how she was doing an that his father was a policeman and snip- The list goes on. Glass windows in of events, talking through it floor by floor, her teacher and neighbor, Ronit Reoven, were killed in the shooting visit with other infusion when she heard the news that er. In her Oregon hometown, Denise says, classroom doors left students in view of naming every person who was killed. The this past Christmas. “I wanted to remind community members. They mingle and 12 people were gunned down in a Califor- “my granddad had a gun. He was a cap- the killer. Only two of the 30 classrooms empty and unused building, which has its people of kindness,” Tori tells me. Oth- hug, wearing T-shirts with sayings such nia country music bar back in November. tain in World War II. All my friends were in Building 12 had “hard corners,” spots own chain-link fence around it now, stands ers have planted more flowers in recent as “Douglas Strong,” and, “It’s not a left or Her hand had started shaking. “I realized hunters. Kids would pull up at school that can’t be seen through windows. The with boarded-up windows where bullets weeks. Seventeen translucent angels line right thing, it’s a life or death thing.” They I couldn’t control my body. I thought, if I with guns in the back of their pickups, school had no active-shooter response hit, a reminder of the awful day. It’s hard the garden, lighting up in rainbow colors discuss how Broward County Sheriff Scott feel this way, how are these young people but they were responsible.” at night. Israel has just been suspended, following feeling?” Activism has helped her feel like Tori, a petite blonde with brown eyes nearly a year of criticism over how his of- she is working toward change in the fu- The Footes have never owned guns. A small garden with flowers, stones and angel figures has become a memorial to those killed They had never given much thought to and a meeting place for the families of the slain and the survivors. and freckles, tells me that Joaquin Oliver fice responded to the massacre. Todd and ture, she says. She wants parents to under- the issue until it became personal. was her “soul mate.” He had brought her Denise talk with Alaina’s parents, Ryan stand that they can get involved, starting The two first met in Arizona in their Valentine’s flowers on the day he died. “He and Kelly Petty. Mitch Dworet, whose son with checking on the safety of their chil- 20s; they went on a few dates and had a was above and beyond for me,” she says, Nick was killed, while his son Alex was dren’s schools. “We just don’t want it to definite spark, but like a star-crossed cou- describing their friendship and love. “I injured, wears a black shirt emblazoned happen to anyone else,” she says. ple in a Jane Austen tale, they misunder- see so many little signs from him, letting with a photo of Nick kissing his girlfriend. For Todd, the experience has been an stood each other. She really liked him, but me know that he’s there. We always said, A star swimmer, Nick was set to go to the awakening. “These shootings happen so was too shy to express it. He thought her ‘We’re gonna live all our lives together.’” University of Indianapolis on a full schol- often now, it’s not shocking anymore. It’s inability to talk to him meant they weren’t The crowd is here to celebrate the arship when his life was cut short. Mitch in the news a day or two, then it fades. compatible. “She was smoking hot, but garden as well as a freshly painted school shows me a fresh tattoo on his inner arm People need to realize that after the cam- so quiet,” he says. They married other sign, thanks to the initiative of a parent — an image of his son swimming, com- eras leave, the trauma remains. When the people and had kids, and both couples who raised money to give the old sign, ing up for a breath of air in sparkling blue headlines stop, that’s when the pain, anger eventually divorced. Todd reconnected weatherworn and dirty, a new face. Todd water. Mitch recalls how Nick wowed the and fury starts.” His eyes flash as he talks with Denise four years ago on Facebook, and his family decide to make a quick trip Indianapolis coach when the two first met. about it. “It made me say, this is unaccept- and they ended up getting married. The to Walmart to pick up some flowers before “He impressed him with his eating skills,” able. This has to change. I don’t want to couple’s former spouses both live in Park- the ceremony. At the store, we walk past he manages to joke. “Nick could eat.” hear about thoughts and prayers. Let’s land and share custody of the children. a giant Valentine’s Day display bursting Standing in the shadows as the sun begins do action.” o

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