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בס'' ד

In the near Future, everyone will start WEEKLY SCHEDULE SHABBAT SCHEDULE receiving the High Holiday Packages. SUNDAY Mincha 7:10pm Shir Hashirim: 7:25pm We would like to wish a Hearty Mazal Tov Selichot: 6:45am Candle Lighting: 7:09pm to our Dear Meir & Luna Benhayoun & Shaharit: 7:30am Shaharit: 8:30am Yizhak & Miriam Benzaquen on the Minha 7:10pm Youth Minyan: 9:00am Wedding of their Dear Children Avi to Followed by Arvit & Teenager Program Zeman Keriat Shema 9:36am Mercedes. They should be Zoche to Build a 2nd Zeman Keriat Shema 10:10am Bayit Neeman Beyisrael Amen! MONDAY TO FRIDAY

Daf Yomi 5:40pm Selichot 5:30am Shiur: 6:30pm Shaharit 6:25am Minha: 7:00pm Hodu Approx: 6:40am Followed by Seudat Shelishit, Selichot #2 7:15am Children’s Program, Teenager Shaharit #2 8:00am Program, & Arvit Shiur in Spanish 6:10pm Shabbat Ends : 8:09pm Minha 7:10pm Rabbenu Tam 8:38pm Followed By Arbit

We would like to remind our Kahal Kadosh to please Donate wholeheartedly towards our Beautiful Kehila. Anyone interested in donating for any occasion, Avot Ubanim $120, Kiddush $350, Seudat Shelishit $275, Weekly Bulletin $150, Weekly Daf Yomi $180, Daf Yomi Masechet $2500, Yearly Daf Yomi $5000, Weekly Breakfast $150, Daily Learning $180, Weekly Learning $613, Monthly Rent $3500, & Monthly Learning $2000, Please contact the Rabbi. Thanking you in advance for your generous support. Tizke Lemitzvot!

בס'' ד Refuah Shelema List Men Women

• Yosef Zvi Ben Sara Yosefia, • Isaac Ben Mesoda, • Simja Bat Esther, • Sara Ledicia Bat Mesoda, • Yosef Haim Ben Mesouda • Haim Ben Marcelle, • Rachel Bat Sarah, • Alegria Simha Bat Esther, • Mordechai Ben Brucha Malka • Yizhak Ben Simja • Nina Bat Rachel, • Naomie Bat Rarel Adda, Shmalo, • Reuben Ben Eta, • Gitel Rina Bat Yael, • Malka Bat Joyce Simja, • Yizhak Abraham Ben Sheli, • Michael Ben Aliza, • Miriam Bat Sofy, • Sivan Simha Bat Yehudit, • Yosef Yizha k Ben Sara Hana, • Eliel Moshe Ben Sarah • Rahma Bat Simha • Natalie Rachel Bat Nancy, • Mordechai Ben Miriam, • Refael Ben Clara • Esther Bat Fortuna • Abigael Haya Bat Esther • Meir Raymond Ben Mathilde • Netanel Sayegh Ben Rosa • Malka Bat Dina • Madeleine Bat Esther • Salomon Benarroch Ben Alia • Eliyahu Ben Mazal • Raizel Bat Miriam • Nurit Jacqueline Bat Rahel • Abraham Isr ael Ben Camy Yaffa • Mordechai Ben Mercedes • Leah Bat Rivka • Camouna Bat Fortuna • Abraham Guenoun Bar Rachel • Aviv Ben Luba Miriam

Torah Teasers (AISH) 1. The first law in this parsha involves a "yefat to'ar" (beautiful woman) who is captured in war. Who is the only woman in the Torah specifically described as "yefat to'ar"? 2. Which part of the body is mentioned in this parsha, and nowhere else in the Torah? 3. In this parsha, what part of a house is mentioned? 4. Where else is a roof mentioned in the Torah - but having nothing to do with a house 5. Shatnez is a garment containing wool & linen (flax). Where else in the Torah are those two fabrics mentioned in the same verse? 6. Where in this parsha is a garment (simlah) mentioned? (5 answers) 7. Where in this parsha do bread and water appear in the same verse? 8. Which law in this parsha involves a shovel? 9. Which law in this parsha involves a dog? Which other law in the Torah involves a dog? 10. Which two of the six "zechirot" - the events we are required to remember (found in most prayer books after the morning service) - are mentioned in this parsha? 11. Which two laws in this parsha involve forgetting? 12. Where in this parsha is the number 40 found?

Answers

1) In parshat Vayetze, Rachel is described as "yefat to'ar" - "a beautiful woman" (Genesis 29:17). 2) The non-Jewish woman captured in war must let her fingernails grow to make her look displeasing to her captor (Deut. 21:12). Fingernails are not mentioned elsewhere in the Torah. 3) This parsha mentions a roof - regarding the obligation to build a fence around the roof of one's house (Deut. 22:8). 4) The "roof" of the Golden Altar is referred to in both parshat Tetzaveh (Exodus 30:3) and parshat Vayakhel (Exodus 37:26). 5) In parshat Tazria, wool and linen are mentioned as the two fabrics that can constitute tzara'at on clothing (Leviticus 13:47). 6) (1) The captured woman must remove "the garments she is wearing when captured" (Deut. 21:13). (2) A garment is an example of a lost object that must be returned to its rightful owner (22:3). (3) A man is prohibited to wear a "woman's garment" (22:5). (4) When a newly-married woman is accused of adultery, the Torah uses the expression "spread out the garment," meaning that the matter should be fully investigated (22:17 with Rashi). (5) A creditor must return the collateral of a poor debtor if it is needed at night- e.g. "the garment he sleeps in" (24:13).

7) Amonite and Moabite men may not marry Jewish women. This is because these nations did not greet the Jews with bread and water

when the Jews left Egypt (Deut. 23:5).

8) In addition to his weapons, a soldier who goes out to war must carry a small shovel (for Bashroom purposes) (Deut. 23:14).

9) A sheep that was traded for a dog (mechir kelev) may not be brought as an offering (Deut. 23:19). In parshat Mishpatim, the Torah states

that torn flesh (basar trefa) must not be eaten, but rather thrown to the dogs (Exodus 22:30).

10) We are to remember what Hashem did to Miriam when the Jews left Egypt (Deut. 24:19). We must remember what Amalek did to the Jews

when they left Egypt (25:17).

11) A bundle that is forgotten in the field must be left for the poor. We are commanded not to forget what Amalek did to the Jews when they left Egypt (Deut. 25:19).

12) Certain crimes are punished with 40 lashes (Deut. 25:3). [The Talmud explains that only 39 lashes are actually given (Makot 22a).]

If anyone would like to contact the Rabbi, please feel free to call or

text 786-879-4951, or email [email protected].

בס'' ד Community Announcements

(It is YOUR Community, make the most of it!)

Miscellan eous Announcements:

• This W eek’s Congregational Kiddush has been Kindly Sponsored by The Benhayoun & Benzaquen

Families in Honor of the Marriage of their Dear Children, Avi & Mercedes! Mazal Tov!!!

• The Kiddush Club Initiative. Anyone interested donating a Kiddush Please kindly contact the Rabbi. Tizke

Lemizvot!

• This Week’s Seudat Shelishit is still available for Sponsorship!

• This Week’s Breakfast has been Kindly Sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Amichai Shoshan in memory of her Dear th Father the 20 of Elul. Tihye Nishmato Tzerura Bitzror Hahayim Amen. Yosef Azulay Bar Esther z”l

Anyone interested in sponsoring Breakfast for this week or on any day please contact the Rabbi.

• This Week’s Daf Yomi is still available for Sponsorship!

• If anyone is interested in creating a weekly class in your house or an individual class with the Rabbi, please do not hesitate to

contact th e Rabbi.

• We are trying to update our Congregant’s contact information. We would like to start sending texts about different Events and

Shiurim. We would also like to start emailing the weekly bulletin. We would like to start a list of Nahalot/Azkarot/Yahrzeits.

We would also like to make a Refuah Shelema list. Please send your contact information to the Rabbi at

rabbi@hechals halom.org

• Please feel free to contact any of the board members either in person, or via email with suggestions or comments. Our email

addresses are:

Important Message!! !

Eruv Update: Surfside: The Eruv in Surfside now includes the walking paths along the beach. Pushing strollers and carrying is

permit ted on the paths, but not beyond the path or onto the beach.

Bal Harbour: The Eruv in Bal Harbour included the inner (western) walking path only. The pier at Haulover Cut is not included.

• Due to the recent reorganization of seats in the Bet Hakenesset, We are happy to announce the NEW possibility of purchasing seats

in the Bet Hakenesset. For more information, please contact the Board.

• Before hanging up anything anywhere in the Bet Hakenesset, please seek authorization from the Rabbi. This includes flyers etc.

• Please be advised that prior to bringing any food or drinks for any occasion, you must first seek the authorization from the Rabbi.

Spec ial Announcements

• We are pleased to announce that Ness 26 is part of the Amazon Charity Program, which would allow our community to

collect 0.5% of all the orders made by any of you on Amazon.com. In order to register you need to log on

smile.ama zon.com and select Ness 26, Inc as the Charitable Organization you want to support, and from then shop on smile.amazon.com instead of www.amazon.com. It won’t cost anything more, and is an easy way to contribute to our budget needs. • Anyone wishing to receive the Daily Halacha by the Rabbi please send a whatsapp message to Simon Chocron 786-351- 1573

Community Calendar:

• ages 13-18 Started again with Great Succes with Shiur by the Rabbi & Supper The program for Teenaged Boys on Sunday Evenings Before Minha at around at 6:45 pm With Supper. New Participants Welcome! Anyone

wishing to sponsor this Shiur Please contact the Rabbi. Tizke Lemitzvot!

• We have started the Mishmar Program Every other Thursday evening at 8:00 pm with Chulent, Beer, &

Snacks. Everyone is welcome! This Mosae Shabbat at 7:45pm Avo t Ubanim: In Recess Youth Minyan • We are proud to announce the inauguration of our YOUTH/TEEN MINYAN geared to train and teach our future generations on the different tefillot and parashiot.

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We would like to Whole Heartedly Thank our Dear Friends, Drs. Benjamin & Sara Courchia for generously Donating the TORAH LEARNING of Elul 5779 For Refuah Shelema of Tamar Bat Rachel, Eliyahu Ben Shimon, & Aicha Bat Nouna & Hatzlacha to Leah Bat Ruth We truly appreciate it. In this merit, may Hashem Bless you & your wonderful family with all the Berachot of the Torah. Amen.

Birthdays Nahalot

th Happy Birthday To • Menahem Zonana Bar Simha z”l the 14 of Elul • Ena Aquinin – Sun. Sep. 15th, (Father of Mr. Andre Zonana) (Shabbat) th • Esther Nahon – Tue. Sep. 17th, • Yosef Azulay Bar Esther z”l the 20 of Elul • Mr. Jacob Bengio – Fri. Sep. 20th, (Father of Mrs. Magali Shoshan) nd • Mr. Frank Taieb – Sun. Sep. 22 , Next Shabbat: th • Mr. Alain Albergel – Shabb. Sep. 28 , • Max Nissim Attar Ben Yehuda z”l the 22nd of Elul th • Dr. Ronny Aquinin – Sun. Sep. 29 , (Father of Mr. Shem Tov Attar) th • Mr. Marcelo Romano – Sun. Sep. 29 , • Eliyahu Anidjar Bar z”l the 24th of Elul • Mr. Philipe Cohen – Tue. Oct. 1st, (Father of Mrs. Miriam Benmergui) st • Samuel Taieb – Tue. Oct. 1 , • Pessia Unfasnug Bat Bella z”l the 25th of Elul • Yosef Nahon – Wed. Oct. 2nd. (Great Aunt of Mr. Amichai Shoshan)

th

• Mahlouf Ben Sasson z”l the 26 of Elul

Happy Anniversary To (Father of Mr & Mrs. Mamou) • Alberto & Evelyn Belecen Sep 17th • Alegria Bat Luna Bencid z”l the 27th of Elul • Isaac & Dayana Benmergui Sep 17th (Aunt of Mrs. Luna Benhayoun)

בס'' ד Community Shiurim

Weekday mornings:

• 6:10AM to 6:45AM: Laws of Nidah. New participants welcome! • 7:30AM Shiur on Hok Leyisrael with Breakfast! Everyone Is Welcome to Join. • 7:45AM to 8:30AM: Daf Yomi Masechet Temurah. NEW DAF YOMI MASECHET! New participants are welcome! It is a great time to start learning the Daf and join thousands of Jews across the world in this incredible project.

• 9:00 AM to 10:00 AM: Mishna Berura Dirshu Cycle! New participants welcome!

Weekday afternoons: • Before Minha Monday through Thursday: Shiurim in Spanish on assorted topics. o • After Arvit: o Mondays & Wednesdays: Hoshen Mishpat – Business Halacha o Monday through Thursday: Shiurim in Spanish on assorted topics. o Every Thursday evening after Arvit Hilchot Nida in Depth for Men. Tuesday Assorted Topics o In Recess for the Summer o Monday & Tuesday at 7:00pm Masechet Berachot in French o Every other Monday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Class to Women.

o Every other Tuesday evening at 8:30pm Shalom Bayit Classes to Men. • SHIUR for Ladies! The Rabbi’s Shiur on Halachot of Kashrut NEW SERIES ON Hilchot Basar Vechalav, (Laws pertaining to Meat & Milk) to Ladies, in the Bet Hakenesset, every Tuesday afternoon at 2:05 pm. New Participants are always Welcome! In Recess Shabbat: • Shabbat night before Arvit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week. • Shabbat Morning: Short Lecture on the Parashah of the week. • Shabbat Morning: Lecture on the Parashah of the week after Kiddush • Shabbat Afternoon – Daf Yomi at 6:00pm. • Shabbat Afternoon – Shiur at 6:50pm • Teenager Shiur – with Isaac Benmergui During Seudat Shelishit. • Seudat Shelishit: Short lecture on the Parasha of the week.

בס'' ד WEEKLY INSPIRATION symbol of mourning, conveying the message that his refusal is causing his brother to "die" once again, in that it denies the brother an The Message of Yibum opportunity for a spiritual presence in this world (Rabbi Eli Mansour from Daily Halacha) through offspring. Towards the end of Parashat Ki-Teseh, the But the removal of a shoe from the brother’s Torah presents the Misva of Yibum, which foot might also send a different message. applies when a married man dies without The Zohar and other sources speak at length children. His brother is required to marry the about a person’s ability to elevate his father’s widow, and the child born from this marriage soul in the next world. By performing Misvot in will be considered, in some sense, the offspring the father’s merit, a person brings great of the deceased. If the brother refuses to marry blessing to the deceased father’s soul. In fact, a the widow, then he must perform a special son’s Misvot performed in the father’s merit ceremony called "Halisa," whereby he wears a have a greater effect upon the father’s soul special shoe which the widow removes from his than those performed by the greatest Sadik in foot. (Although it is clear from the Torah that the world. The Gemara teaches that one is Yibum is preferred over Halisa, nowadays, required to honor his parents both during their Halisa is performed when this unfortunate lifetime and after their passing. When the situation arises, for reasons which lie beyond parent is alive, the child is to help him here in the scope of our discussion.) this world by caring for him and respecting him. Various different approaches have been When the parent passes on, the child is to help suggested to explain the meaning and the parent in the next world, through the significance of Yibum and Halisa. Rabbenu performance of Misvot. Bahya (Spain, 1255-1340) suggested, quite Elsewhere, the Gemara comments that a child simply, that the Torah commands the brother to is "Kar’a De’abu" – "his father’s leg." The marry the widow in order to keep the commentators explain this to mean that a child deceased’s wealth in the family. Since the has the ability to enable his parent to "move" deceased had no children, his only inheritor is even in the next world. Once a person leaves his wife, and if she would then marry somebody this world, he no longer has the ability to else, all his wealth would end up in a different perform Misvot, and so he no longer has the family. As people generally wish for their wealth ability to build himself, to elevate himself, to to remain in their family, the Torah commanded grow and develop. The only way this can be the brother to marry the widow. done after death is through one’s offspring, In explaining the significance of Halisa, whose good deeds are attributed, to some Rabbenu Bahya writes that Yibum has the extent, to the parent who produced the children effect of bringing the deceased back to life, in and trained them to observe the Torah. The some sense. As the Torah writes, the child child is the parent’s "leg" in the sense that he produced by the brother’s marriage to the grants his father the ability to continue "walking" widow "shall be named after the deceased." even in the next world, to be elevated and Since the deceased in effect caused this child raised, through the performance of Misvot. to be born, as his brother was required to marry This might be the meaning of the Halisa the widow because of his death, the deceased ceremony. The shoe is removed from the – who had no children – is considered as brother’s foot to sharply reprimand him for having a legacy and presence in this world denying his brother a "shoe" – a child who through the birth of that child. And so, if the would be able to carry his soul further in the brother refuses to marry the widow, he next world. The Torah gave the brother the essentially causes the brother to "die" again. opportunity to produce a child that would be He consigns the brother to no longer have any considered the child of the deceased and would chance of leaving a legacy in this world. The thus elevate the deceased’s soul to infinitely brother therefore has his shoe removed – a greater heights in the next world, but he chose

בס'' ד not to seize this opportunity. He thus removed rewarded with a field, which provides his brother’s "shoe," his means of achieving opportunities for even more Misvot. And then greater elevation. one purchases new garments and is able to do The greatest thing we can do for our beloved additional Misvot. Each Misva we perform ends family members who have left this world is to up facilitating another one. And that Misva then involve ourselves in the study and observance brings us to yet another. We might say that of Torah in their merit, through which we Misvot are like potato chips. As we all know too elevate their souls to ever greater heights for all well, it is impossible to eat just one potato chip. eternity. When we eat one, we then need another. And then another. Misvot work the same way. Once we perform a Misva, we will soon find ourselves involved in another one. A person’s friend drags him to a Torah class, and he finds it gratifying, Misvot and the Potato Chip and also makes some new friends. Soon enough, he is attending more classes and Syndrome community functions, helping out friends, (Rabbi Eli Mansour) volunteering for community functions, and so on. One of many Misvot discussed in Parashat Ki- Teseh is the famous Misva of "Shilu’ah Why is this so? How does one Misva lead to Ha’ken," sending away a mother bird before another? taking eggs from the nest. This Misva is Our Rabbis teach us that every time we do a followed by the Misva of "Ma’akeh," the Misva, we create an angel. That angel looks to obligation to place a parapet around one’s roof "repay" us for bringing him into existence by for safety: "If you build a new house, you shall advocating on our behalf that we should have construct a parapet for your roof" (22:8). The the ability to perform additional Misvot. This is Midrash explains the juxtaposition between the secret to the concept of "Misva Goreret these two topics, teaching that the second is Misva," that one Misva leads to another. Each the reward for the first. Meaning, the reward for angel we create by performing Misvot works to faithfully fulfilling the Misva of Shilu’ah Ha’ken is ensure that we will be able to perform more a new house, which necessitates the Misvot. construction of a parapet. The Torah then proceeds to discuss several laws relating to People involved in outreach, in trying to bring farming, such as the prohibition against sowing Jews back to religious observance, know this two types of seeds together. This, too, the concept very well. Attempting to persuade Midrash comments, is a reward. For fulfilling somebody to drastically change his or her the Misva of "Ma’akeh," one is rewarded with a lifestyle is not likely to succeed. But what can field which allows him to observe the Torah’s and does work is encouraging somebody to agricultural laws. Then, the Torah introduces perform one Misva, such as to observe one the Misva of Sisit, the obligation to affix strings Shabbat, to participate in one Hesed project, or to the corners of one’s garment. Once again, to attend one Shiur. The power of that Misva the Midrash teaches that this is a reward. If one will naturally lead to yet another, which will then observes the Torah’s farming laws, then he is lead to another, and so on. It is that initial step given the ability to obtain new, fine garments which triggers the process of developing a full- and fulfill the Misva of Sisit. fledged Torah commitment. The point the Midrash is making is that one We must realize, however, that the converse is Misva leads to another. The reward for Shilu’ah also true. Just as one Misva facilitates another, Ha’ken is not simply a house – because a one sin facilitates another. When we commit a house that is not used for a higher purpose is sin, we create an angel that seeks to lead us not a reward – but rather the ability to perform toward yet another sin. There’s no such thing Misvot with the house. And then, one is as transgressing just once, as breaking the rules only temporarily and then immediately

בס'' ד getting back on track. This is not how it works. a person’s power of resistance to his animalistic If we violate the Torah once, we bring ourselves instincts. At any rate, this is Rashi’s approach – dramatically closer to another violation. And the Torah here has made a concession to then to another. The "potato chip syndrome" is the Yetzer HaRah. true regarding sins just as it is regarding Misvot. The Shela”h HaKodosh has a very interesting We must never underestimate the power and take on this Rashi and on this whole concept of significance of any action. A positive act will “the Torah speaks against the Yetzer HaRah.” lead us along the path of more Misvot, while a We must remember, the people who went to negative act will lead us along the opposite war in Biblical times were not your average path. Let us therefore always choose wisely, recruits that show up at the local recruiting and put ourselves on the road of Misva station who think “Hey, I have nothing better to performance, one Misva at a time, and we will do with my time; I may as well learn how to then be rewarded with even more Misvot, and shoot!” At least some of the people in today’s then some more, throughout our lives. armies are not from the upper echelon of society. However, the Jewish wars of Biblical times were carried out by wholly righteous individuals. (People who were afraid of dying in battle for even “minor sins” they may have The Torah Addresses the committed were exempted from going to battle.) Evil Inclination Here We had an army of Tzadikim, and yet somehow even people of this caliber were vulnerable to (Rabbi Frand from Torah.org) falling into this moral trap. Parashat Ki Tetze begins with the laws of The Shela”h explains the idea based on the the Yefat Toar [beautiful captive woman] in time statement of the wise Shlomo HaMelech [King of battle, one of the most difficult Parashat in Solomon]: “Stolen waters are sweet.” [Mishle the Torah to understand: “When you will go out 9:17] This means that forbidden fruit is tastier to war against your enemies and Hashem your than fruit which is permitted. Water may quench G-d will deliver him into your hand, and you will my thirst and on a hot day it is delicious, but capture its [people as], captives; and you will water has no taste. And yet Shlomo see among its captivity a woman who is HaMelech says stolen waters are sweet! A beautiful of form, and you will desire her, you thing that has no taste – if it is off-limits – can will take her to yourself for a wife.” [Devarim be sweet. 21:10-11]. Because the woman is a goy, the Torah instructs that she be brought into the Consider the case of a person on a carb free Jewish soldier’s house, made un-appealing (by diet. He goes somewhere and they are serving cutting off her hair, etc.). He must then wait a baked potatoes. Not French fries – but rather month, and if after that he still wants her… “you simple baked potatoes with no butter and no may come to her and live with her, and she margarine. However, if he is on a “no carb” diet shall be a wife to you.” [Devarim 21:14] and he sees a baked potato – there is no greater temptation in the world than that baked Rashi here comments (based on Kidushin 21b) potato. Why? It is because it is forbidden to “the Torah is speaking here only against him. Once something is forbidden, the principle the Yetzer HaRah [evil drives within a person], of “stolen waters are sweet” kicks in. for if the Holy One, Blessed is He would not make her permissible, he would marry her in a Similarly, a fellow goes to war. War is terrible. A forbidden manner.” Under normal person loses his humanity in war. He sees a circumstances, the Torah would never permit beautiful captive woman – and he craves for such a thing. It would say “Listen here, get her. The Torah says, “Take her home.” We are control of yourself, and walk away from this giving you a pass on this. Take her home. Just forbidden woman.” However, the Torah made let her sit there for a month, replace her an exception here. War is different. It weakens seductive clothing with simple drab garments, shave off her hair, let her nails grow long. Once

בס'' ד the Torah says she is permitted, the result will the same in the case of Yefat Toar. It does not be that the craving will subside. The soldier will mean the soldier will eventually marry this not want her anymore. She becomes like a woman; but the Torah allows him to do so baked potato for someone not on a carb free because it “speaks to his Yetzer HaRah.” Once diet. Who wants a baked potato? Give me the Yefat Toar ceases to become “forbidden French fries! Give me potato kugel! A baked waters,” hopefully the “sweetness” of potato? Ug! This is the approach of the contemplation of the forbidden act will Shalo”h: The Torah allows the Yefat Toar in dissipate. order to remove her allure of ‘stolen waters are sweet’ and to hopefully bring the Jewish soldier to a point where he can let her leave his house and go back home to where she came from. Beginnings Are Critical at With this approach, we can understand a Every Stage of Life famous Gemara [Chullin 109b]: Yalta says to (Rabbi Frand from Torah.org) Rav Nachman (her husband), “Let’s see, for If you need to speak at a Sheva Brachot this everything the Torah has forbidden, it has coming week or you need to speak at a Bar permitted a corresponding item.” For example, Mitzvah or you are going back to teach in front blood is (normally) prohibited, but liver is of a class and need a nice thought to share with permitted even though “it is entirely blood.” your audience – this is the “vort” you are The chelev [certain fats] of domesticated looking for. animals (behemot) are forbidden, but chelev chaya [the corresponding fat of non- As we just mentioned, the parsha begins with domesticated animals, such as deer] are the laws of Yefat Toar and then mentions “If a permitted. The Gemara goes through a series man has two wives – one he loves and one he of items which are forbidden and for which a hates…” he is not allowed to switch the first- person might have a curiosity to experience. born status (for inheritance purposes) from his His desire to consume that which true first born, the son of the “hated wife” to the is forbidden intensifies the curiosity -– so the younger brother, the first-born son of the Torah permits a similar tasting item, to relieve “beloved wife.” The true first born is the one the curiosity and thus remove the yetzer who must receive the “double portion” of hara for the forbidden item. inheritance. Yalta then tells her husband, “I wish I could Following this, the third set of laws in Parashat taste the flavor of meat cooked with milk (basar Ki Tetze is that of the Ben Sorer U’Moreh [the b’chalav),” which is of course forbidden. In Wayward and Rebellious son]. Already at a effect she told her husband, “I want a very young age (right after Bar Mitzvah), he cheeseburger. All my life I have been waiting begins acting in a way that will lead to a life of for a chance to taste cheeseburgers.” Rav corruption and aggression. The Torah decrees Nachman told her that the Torah permits the that it is preferable to put him to death “when he udder of a milk producing animal which is is still innocent” (of the future crimes he is saturated with milk and has the taste of basar destined to commit) rather than execute him b’chalav. later when he will already be deserving of the death penalty. This is a difficult parsha which What is the point of this Gemara? The point is we have talked about in the past. We are not this principle of the Shela”h haKodosh. If you going to try to explain it right now. know something is permitted, you have an escape hatch from the clutches of the Yetzer Rashi says the sequence of these three sets of HaRah. This removes the cravings. The item no laws – the beautiful captive woman, the longer becomes “stolen waters.” An item being beloved and hated wives, and the wayward and “off limits” creates the taavah [lust] for it. When rebellious son – teach a homiletic lesson: If the Torah permits the item — albeit in restricted someone marries the Yefat Toar because he circumstances — it takes away the taavah. It is became infatuated with her, he will eventually

בס'' ד have two wives (his original wife and the one he Chacham, because the type of person you found in the battlefield). Eventually, he will marry will set the standard for your other sisters come to hate the second wife. Furthermore, as well. Admittedly she married a very once he has such a wife (that he should not big Talmid Hacham and all the other sisters – have taken in the first place) he will have a child perhaps they did not marry Talmide from her, and the child will be a troublemaker. Chachamim of the Rosh Yeshiva’s caliber, but He will become a Ben Sorer U’Moreh. they were all very distinguished individuals, The Shem M’Shmuel [Rabbi Shmuel Bornsztain all Talmide Chachamim. (1855-1926), the second Sochatchover Rebbe, How did that happen? The oldest sister set the and son of the Avnei Nezer] makes a very standard. She set the bar, which the other interesting observation. Why does the Torah sisters measured against. She did it because put the halacha that the first born gets a double she was the first born. Firstborns have this portion here? Even if the Torah wants to tell us effect. that one who marries a Yefat Toar will Thus, the Shem MiShmuel points out that the eventually hate her, why should the Torah Torah is trying to tell us over here that insert the unrelated rule that a Bechor gets pi- the bechor gets pi shnayim because beginnings shnayim [a double portion of inheritance] here? have an effect on all that comes later. There is an entire section in the Torah at the end of Sefer Bamidbar describing all the laws of The Gemara in Sanhedrin says that the entire inheritance. The law that a first born gets a period of time when it is possible for a boy to double portion should be placed there. It seems become a Ben Sorer U’Moreh’s is only three incongruous to mention it here between the months. (That – among other reasons — is why laws of Yefat Toar and that of Ben Sorer it is so hard to meet the conditions under which U’Moreh. It does not relate to the flow of the such a punishment could ever be carried out.) narrative. The whole chapter addresses a 13-year-old child for only the first 3 months after his Bar The Shem M’Shmuel writes that the Torah is Mitzvah. Yet, the Torah is already concerned trying to tell us a very important lesson – that the child is acting out, he is stealing, he beginnings are very very important. shows gluttonous behavior, etc. Why is this so Beginnings set the tone. He asks – why is it serious? It is because when a child is that age that the first-born gets double? Being a first – Bar Mitzvah – how he acts in that beginning born, after all, is merely an accident of birth. stage of his life as a mature adult sets the What did he do? Why should he get double the pattern and has a tremendous influence on portion of his father’s estate over and above the what the rest of his life will be like as well. rest of his brothers? The Shem M’Shmuel answers that it is because the Bechor casts an That is why it is very important that the tone be influence over the entire family. The children set in this “Bar Mitzvah year.” Like any that come after the first-born are influenced by structure, the foundation is critical. Any building him. Therefore, the Bechor gets double is only as strong as its yesod [foundation]. The because he set the tone for the entire family. first months after Bar Mitzvah are critically important. For example, the Rosh Yeshiva [Rav Yaakov Yitzchok Ruderman (1900-1987)], zt”l, married And – m’inyan l’inyan b’oto inyan – the first year a woman named Feiga Kramer. Her father, Rav of marriage is very important as well because Sheftel Kramer, had five daughters. One of how a family begins, how it starts out and them was Rebbetzin Ruderman, one was where it starts out and how it is built can have Rebbetzin Neuberger, one was Rebbitzen an effect for years and years to come. That is Heiman, one was Rebbitzen Skaist, and one why the Torah provides a draft deferment to a was Mrs. Lewin. There were five daughters, no newlywed and sends him home to his wife, free sons. But the Bechora, the first-born was of communal duties, during the first year of his Rebbetzin Ruderman. Family legend has it that marriage – to gladden the heart of his wife. The her father told her – you need to marry a Talmid first year is the foundation of the marriage.

בס'' ד The sefarim say “All beginnings are difficult” otherwise would, we can learn to do the (Kol Hascholos Kashos). Simply, this means opposite with our own children. that it is hard to start a new project. But on a It must be clear at the outset that there are no deeper level, it means beginnings are “kashos” sure-fire rules of education that apply to all because it is essential that they be executed children at all times. Reshit Chachmah quotes a correctly. You need to do it right at the midrash that it is easier to raise a legion of olive beginning of any endeavor. How things are trees in the Galilee, where the soil and climate done initially sets the tone for all that follows. are not conducive to growing olive trees, than Therefore, if someone is a Rebbi in a Yeshiva to raise one child in Eretz Yisrael, even though and needs to give an opening shmuze, it is very Eretz Yisrael is conduce to proper education, valuable to stress the uniqueness of Chodesh since the atmosphere itself helps to imbue one Elul. Chodesh Elul is important for a number of with wisdom and holiness. reasons, not least of which is that it sets the Children are not objects to be fashioned at will, foundation for the whole year. That is why Rosh but rather human beings who have their own Hashannah and Aseres Yemei Teshuvah are free will and can reject, if they so choose, even such critical periods. It is the beginning. the best chinuch. The most a parent can hope Beginnings have a lasting effect on that which to achieve, as Chiddushe HaRim points out comes after them. regarding all learning, is to put the words of For this reason, the Torah writes the parsha Torah on the heart of the child so that when the of Bechor and right after that the parsha of Ben heart opens up, the Torah found on it will sink Sorer U’Moreh. The Torah is telegraphing to us into the receptive heart. the importance of the beginnings at every stage The law of the rebellious son is applicable only of life. when the child is thirteen and for the next three months, i.e., at the very inception of his manhood. This points to the importance of a proper foundation in the education of children š that early education forms the Basis of the The Rebellious Son and the child's experience and hence is the root and Fundamentals of Education foundation of his life. (Rabbi Zev Leff) Avot deRav Nattan expounds on the Mishnah in When a man has a wayward, rebellious son, Pirke Avot (4:25), "One who studies Torah as a who does not obey his father and mother, they child; to what can he be likened? — to ink, shall have him flogged. If he still does not listen written on fresh paper." Just as ink is readily to them... (The parents) must declare to the absorbed into new paper, so the Torah learned elders of his city, "Our son here is wayward and when young permeates the very fiber of the rebellious. He does not listen to us, and is an child's being. (exceptional) glutton and drunkard (Devarim Alshich explains the injunction (Mishle 22:6), 21:18 & 20). "Educate the youth according to his path," as a The Gemara (Sanhedrin 71a) says that there warning to put him on the proper path before he never was a rebellious son executed by Bet din. develops the wrong path on his own. The The topic was recorded in the Torah in order to proper beginning is crucial, for it forms the root, learn and receive reward. But even if there and any blemish in the root will manifest itself a never was rebellious son, we can learn a great thousand-fold in the resultant growth. A strong deal about chinuch banim (raising children) root, however, insures a healthy plant. from a careful study of the Torah's description The Torah describes the rebellious son as not of the rebellious son. By studying the factors heeding the voice (kol) of his father and mother. that help create a son so tainted that it is a Maharal points out that a kol denotes a voice or chesed to kill him while he is still young and has noise, something not necessarily intelligible. not yet committed all the heinous crimes he The rebellious son listens to his parents when

בס'' ד their words make sense to him, but when their the souls of his child and his eternal status directives are not understood by him, he even more intensely that his physical well- ignores them. being. What parent would think of exposing his child to even a slight chance of catching a A child must be taught to rely on his parents' serious communicable disease? How much instructions and trust in their desire and ability more so should a parent protect his child from to guide him on the proper path, even though an environment that might exert negative he may not understand or grasps the wisdom of spiritual influences. If we fret over our child's their directions. Though a parent should try to ability to earn a living, how much more so explain to the child the reasons for his should we be concerned that he or she grow to directions and instructions, the child must be be a successful Ben or Bat Torah. taught that in the end whether he understands or not, he must accept his parents' authority. We should remember in Elul that there is no greater merit for the Day of Judgment than He learns from the phrase, "he does not listen having raised a child properly. The Zohar to our voices," that to be deemed a rebellious teaches that when an individual appears before son, both parents must have similar voices. the Heavenly Court after one hundred and Both parents' guidance must reflect the same twenty years, G-d inquires if he educated his values, and they must be consistent in their children properly. If the answer is affirmative, instruction. If the parents do not speak with one Hashem refuses to accept any more testimony voice, their child cannot be deemed rebellious against him, for the merit of guiding his children because the blame for his rebellious behavior is properly overshadows everything else. not his alone. May we learn the deep lessons contained in the The parents must point at their son and say Torah's discussion of the rebellious son so that "this son of ours." If the parents are blind and we merit to raise children fully occupied in thus incapable of pointing him out, the son Torah and mitzvot. cannot be deemed a rebellious son. The requirement that the parents be able to see Reprinted with permission from Artscroll Mesorah Publications, ltd. This article is provided as part of Shema Yisrael Torah Network Permission is hints to the necessity of parents viewing each granted to redistribute electronically or on paper, provided that this notice is child as an individual, with unique gifts and included intact. For information on subscriptions, archives, and other Shema Yisrael Classes, send mail to [email protected] needs, who must be educated according to his individual personality. If parents are blind predetermined formula, the child can also not be fully blamed. Food for thought To be classified as a rebellious son, he must steal money from his parents to eat and drink like a glutton. This conduct shows, says Ibn Why Every Child Needs to Ezra, a distorted outlook. The glutton makes Hear Stories about the the pleasures of this world his only goal rather than seeing this world as the place to prepare Holocaust for eternal spiritual life. The meat and wine he consumed could have been glatt kosher. It is How to Make Your Shabbat not enough to teach a child that he does not Table a Place Kids Will Want become a Jew in form but not in substance. to Be The Gemara explains that the rebellious son is killed now because if allowed to continue on the The incredible power of a good, thought- same path he will eventually become a robber provoking question. (By Rebbetzin Chana and murderer. He is killed for his own benefit so Heller) that he doesn't lose his portion in the World to Want to craft a meaningful, memorable and fun Come. From this, we learn the most important experience so that your children will look lesson of child rearing. A parent must focus on forward to Shabbat? We have so much

בס'' ד competition for our children’s attention. What • You connect as a family, the old- can we do that will trump social media, video fashioned way, with eye contact and real games and whatever else your kids are glued conversation to? • You show your children that you want to Rabbi Noah Weinberg of blessed memory often hear what they have to say; you value said that the best form of Jewish entertainment their ideas and feelings. You take them is asking good questions. That's how we Jews seriously. You LISTEN in order to have kept ourselves not only entertained but understand and appreciate them, not to connected to our Jewish texts and committed to refute them and get your own message our beautiful lifestyle over thousands of years of across. Your kids feel understood and darkness, persecution and grinding poverty. valued. Life was found in the study hall and at the • Instead of (or in addition to) the passive Shabbat table, asking and answering deep, listening to a dvar Torah, everyone is thought-provoking questions about life. engaged in the conversation There is an art to this. You must choose • Your family will have greater enjoyment questions appropriate to the various people and of Shabbat ages at your table. You can do it alone with your children or include another family. We I have added a list of possible questions below. have found that it works best with other people Some are light and fun to get the ball rolling at your table; your children will tend to take it and get everyone comfortable with the more seriously and not joke around. If you exercise. Then you can go deeper. make it a regular feature of your Shabbos table, The possibilities are endless, and you can be the kids will look forward to it and perhaps even as creative as you like with your own list of come up with their own questions. questions. We put a question out to the table and call it a 1. What is the best compliment you have “get to know you” question. As soon as we say ever received? this, we often see the kids leaning into the table with excitement. Two weeks ago, a young child 2. What is your greatest strength or of one of our guests retorted, “I LOVE these weakness? types of questions!” 3. If you could wake up tomorrow in the At our table we start with the children before the body of someone else who would you adults. Everyone gets a chance to answer the pick and what would you do? question. 4. If you could be any age for a week what The benefits: age would that be and why? • You get to know your children better 5. If you could only have one meal for the rest of your life what would it be? • Your children get to know themselves and others better 6. What makes you happy or cheers you up if you feel sad? • Your children learn how to express themselves better and speak confidently 7. What is your favorite story or book and why? • Everyone learns how to listen respectfully to others and respect their 8. What habit are you proudest about differences breaking or want to break? • Everyone learns how to validate others 9. What is the most courageous thing you (with parent’s role modeling how to have ever done? respond kindly to all types of answers) 10. Who is your hero and why?

בס'' ד 11. What is something you have learned 33. What was the last experience that made about yourself this year? you a kinder person? 12. If you could spend the day with anyone 34. What's the best gift you've ever all by yourself who would it be and why? received? 13. What is your favorite thing to spend 35. What are you grateful for this week? money on? 36. What is something you learned this 14. What accomplishments are you most week? proud of? 37. What is your best memory so far? 15. If someone asked you to give them a 38. Of all the things you have done, what do piece of advice about life what would you you feel most proud of? say? 39. If you could only keep five possessions 16. What’s your biggest fear? what would they be? 17. Do you ever talk to God aside from 40. What teacher in school have you liked formal prayer? What do you talk about? the best and why? 18. What do you think makes God proud of 41. What's your favorite thing to do in your you? free time? 19. What is one of your goals in life? 42. If you could witness an event of the past 20. What's the best decision you ever present or future what would it be? made? 43. Tell me something about someone you 21. If you could learn skill that you don’t envy. have now what would you learn? 44. What a good way to make people feel 22. What is your favorite form of exercise? good about themselves? 23. What sound do you love? 45. If you could have one superpower what 24. When do you feel most loved? would it be and how would you use it? 25. If you could throw any kind of party what 46. If you could speak another language would it be like and what would it be for? which one would it be and why 26. If you could paint a picture of any 47. If you could time travel where would you scenery you've seen before what would go, past or future? you paint? 48. What is your favorite holiday and why? 27. If you could learn to do anything what 49. Have you ever experienced a miracle? would it be? 50. When you meet God at 120, what do you 28. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, want to ask or say to Him? who would you meet? 51. Who is the rich person? Wise person? 29. If you won the lottery what is the first Strong Person? Honored person? thing you would do? Everyone gets a chance to answer each 30. If you could know the answer to any one and you give the answers from question what would it be? Pirkei Avot 4:1. 31. Have you ever had something happen to 52. Pick another quote from Pirkei Avos and you that you thought was bad, but it ask each person what do you think it turned out to be for the best? means? (or any quote you like) 32. What was one of the hardest things 53. What is something you have learned you've ever done? about life from your mother? Your father?

בס'' ד 54. Would you rather by happy, rich or wise They learn respect. and why? They learn selflessness. They learn not to be lazy. Best Parenting Tip: Be a They learn to hold back hurtful words. Great Spouse They learn to be loyal and committed. Treating each other with utmost love and They learn what it means to be a good friend. respect gives your children the greatest gift They learn how to laugh. imaginable. (By Rabbi Eliyahu Heller) They learn how to be compassionate and A young girl remembered the following incident caring. from her childhood. They learn how to be a listener. “One night my mom made dinner after a long and stressful day at work. She placed a jar of They learn how to communicate. jam and an extremely burnt piece of toast in They learn to compromise. front of my father. I was waiting to see if Dad noticed the burnt toast, but he just ate it and But most of all, they learn what it means to be a asked me how my day was. I don’t remember dignified human being. my answer but at the moment my mom Parents who consistently put their children apologized for having burned the toast. I will before their spouses have to reevaluate their never forget his answer, ‘Honey, I love burnt priorities. toast!’ Of course, we need to work on being the best “Later, before bed, I asked my dad if he really parents we can be. We need to invest time and loved burnt toast. He wrapped me in his arms energy, love and patience in our children. But if and whispered, ‘Your mom had a long and we invest only in our children and neglect our tough day, and she was really tired. Burnt toast marriage, our children will inevitably see double never hurt anyone, but words do.’” standards. The way we treat our spouse does not just Why does Daddy speak so kindly to me but impact our marriage; it has a lasting effect on berates Mommy all the time? our children as well. Why does Mommy have so much patience for From a very young age, our children are the me but can’t seem to care about Daddy after he most astute observers of everything we do. comes home from a long day at work? They don’t miss a thing. The Talmud teaches Why does Daddy only smile at me and tell me that whatever a child says out of the house nice things? comes from words that were spoken within the home. Why does Mommy prepare dinner for me but not for Daddy? It goes one step further: the most effective way to raise healthy, adjusted, and happy children is When a child senses these double standards, not by focusing on being the best parent but on he initially becomes confused and eventually being the best spouse. loses respect. The child loses his hero and the parent loses his legacy. Children that grow up in a home where the parents treat each other with utmost love and Bottom line: working on being the best spouse respect and are each other’s first priority are you can be is the most effective way to be a given the greatest gift imaginable/ good, responsible parent. Your children will be forever grateful and will hold you in the highest They feel safe. regard. They feel love.

They feel warmth.

בס'' ד Every year on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur we humbly submit our prayers and Falling in Love in Elul supplications to G-d, begging to be inscribed and sealed for a good year. As the season of What's love got to do with it? (By Rabbi Yisroel Gelber) the High Holidays draws to a close, the rest of the year we watch as our fate unfolds. It is at The month of Elul is an acronym of a verse that last point of the year, the final month of from Song of Songs, "Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li," "I Elul, that we can look back and see the entire am for my beloved and my beloved is for me. past year spread out before us. That's when we This concept -- loving G-d and feeling His love can fully appreciate that we were indeed sealed for us -- is a central theme of Elul. But this in the Book of Life. We can see the myriad month doesn't have one love-inspiring holiday blessings that G-d heaped upon us and our in it! What is it about this month that represents loved ones. And the more we savor the details the relationship of love between us and the of the blessings G-d bestowed upon us, the Almighty? more our appreciation will grow. We all know about the natural love that a parent In Elul we come full circle, back to where we has for a child. Even before birth, the mother is started from, and see with a new depth of giving of herself, literally, and the giving never feeling the enormous gift of love that G-d has stops. showered upon us. In that moment of gratitude But what about a child's love to his parents? to Him we can feel a deep love for Him. I am for When does the child begin to truly love the my beloved, and my beloved is for me. parent? In all of our relationships -- marriage, friendship, I discovered the answer when my oldest son business -- we are natural experts at seeing was born. The physical and emotional what those around us are doing wrong. We exhaustion of caring for a newborn -- one that have to make a real effort to focus on what's liked to cry and didn't like to sleep -- was like going right. But it is only when we re-train our nothing my wife and I had ever encountered eyes to see how much the other is actually before. Thinking about everything our parents doing and giving for us that our feelings of had done for us -- happily, too! -- there was no gratitude and love will grow. way we could ever repay them. The sheer Rabbi Wolbe recommends engaging in daily enormity of their caring for us was bigger than exercises to strengthen our "gratitude muscle," we were. In these life-changing weeks following the most potent of which is a verbal recognition the birth of our first child when we transformed of another's kindness. Three times a day from being children into parents ourselves, our practice saying thank you to people who may appreciation and love for our own parents perform everyday kindness to us. And if you transformed as well. look carefully, you'll see that there are more When the child becomes a parent himself and than enough opportunities. There is the experientially feels how much his parents have postman who delivers the mail, the cashier who done for him, that's when the child begins to scans our food at the supermarket, and the truly love and appreciate his parents. To the salesman who helps us find what we need at degree that the child recognizes how much his the store. We are in fact receiving all the time -- parents have given him, to that degree his love from G-d and others around us and have so for his parents will grow. much to be grateful for. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe writes, "Gratitude Let's use this Elul as an opportunity to awakens love in the receiver and naturally recognize the kindness that others have done inspires it in the giver as well." for us, and especially to reflect on how much our Father in Heaven has done for us in the This is the key to understanding the experience past 12 months. As we head into the month of of love in Elul. Elul, followed by the High Holidays, may our hearts be so full of appreciation and love for the

בס'' ד Almighty, and may we all be inscribed in the The “Yag Middot” may only be recited together with Book of Life. a Minyan. If one is in the middle of the recitation when the congregation completes it, he may nevertheless continue and complete the recitation, since he had begun to recite the “Yag Middot” together with them. This is the ruling of the Ben Ish Hai (Parashat Ki-Tisa). Daily halacha Summary:During the month of Elul we are to prepare ourselves for the period of the High Holidays, which begins with Rosh Hashana, (Daily Halacha) Halachot of Elul continues with Yom Kippur, and reaches its Selihot – The Recitation of the “Yag Middot” culmination on Hoshana Rabba, when the final The primary section of the Selihot service is the judgment is rendered. It was on Rosh Chodesh Elul “Yag Middot,” the recitation of G-d’s Thirteen when Moshe ascended Mount Sinai to beseech the Attributes of Mercy, which was established by the Almighty to forgive Benei Yisrael for the grave sin of Ansheh Kenesset Ha’gedola (Men of the Great the golden calf. Forty days later, on Yom Kippur, G- Assembly). The Kaf Ha’haim (Rav Yaakob Haim d announced His forgiveness. Thus, this forty-day Sofer, Baghdad-Israel, 1870-1939) writes (581:5; period has traditionally been a time of forgiveness, listen to audio recording for precise citation) that it is when G-d is – if we are allowed to say such a thing forbidden to recite the “Yag Middot” without – in a "forgiving mood." It behooves us to take concentrating on the words’ meaning. He adds that advantage of this unique period and do what we the words must be recited with fear, awe and can to earn atonement for the wrongs we committed trepidation, and with as intense concentration as during the year. possible. • It is proper to read works of Musar during the One should bow when reciting the words month of Elul. One recommended book is “Va’yaabor Hashem Al Panav Vayikra,” and then "Sha'arei Teshuva," the classic work by Rabbenu stand straight for the recitation of “Hashem Yona (Spain, 1180-1263) describing the process of Teshuva. Other recommended works include Hashem.” The custom in Yeshivat Bet-El was to Rabbenu Yona's famous letter about repentance stand up straight when reciting “Vayikra,” and then known as "Iggeret Ha-Teshuva," and the bow again for “Hashem Hashem.” Rambam's Hilchot Teshuva, which presents the The Ben Ish Hai (Rav Yosef Haim of Baghdad, various requirements of Teshuva. Another work, 1833-1909) writes that when reciting “Hashem "Orchot Chayim," is divided into thirty sections, Hashem,” one should lift himself with his feet, as we which many have the practice of studying on the do when reciting “Kadosh Kadosh Kadosh” in thirty days of Elul. Some also have the practice to Nakdishach. One must make a brief pause between read "Tikunei Ha-Zohar," a collection of the first “Hashem” and the second, as they are inspirational passages from the Zohar (the Basic separated by a “Pesik” note. The Kaf Ha’haim text of Kabbala). The Kabbalists taught that the reading of this work has the capacity to cleanse writes that one who recites them without a brief and purify one's soul even if he does not pause is liable to severe punishment. One should understand the material he reads. also briefly pause in between the words “Vayikra Be’shem” and “Hashem.” • One must be particularly diligent during the month of Elul to recite each night "Keri'at Shema Al One must recite the “Yag Middot” in a loud voice, Ha'mita" before he goes to sleep. He should just as Moshe Rabbenu declared the attributes in a include the "Ana" prayer, petitioning G-d for loud voice. forgiveness for whatever wrongs he may have There is a deBase among the commentators in committed over the course of that day. identifying the thirteen attributes. We accept the • One of the Berachot in the Amida service is that of view of the Arizal (Rav Yishak Luria of Safed, 1534- "Hashivenu," in which we ask G-d to help us 1572), who listed the attributes as follows: 1) Kel; 2) perform Teshuva. During the month of Elul, it is Rahum; 3) Hanun; 4) Erech; 5) Apayim; 6) Rab proper to insert in this blessing the names of Hesed; 7) Emet; 8) Noser Hesed; 9) La’alafim; 10) people who have strayed from the proper path of Noseh Avon; 11) Va’fesha; 12) Ve’hata’a; 13) observance, before the concluding blessing Ve’nakeh. It is proper to count the attributes with "Baruch Ata Hashem Ha'rotzeh Be'tshuva." one’s fingers while reciting them.

בס'' ד • Many people have the custom to have their Tefillin Devarim (Deuteronomy 22:6-7) and Mezuzot checked during the month of Elul. According to strict Halacha, a person is required to The Torah forbids one to take an ownerless mother have his Mezuzot checked only twice in seven bird when it is sitting on its eggs or young. The years, and Tefillin worn every day do not require Torah commands us to shoo away the mother bird - checking at all. Nevertheless, there are those who even many times if it keeps returning to the nest - make a point of having their Tefillin and Mezuzot and only then is one permitted to take the eggs or checked during Elul. young. • Although one must ensure to recite Birkat This mitzvah of Shiluach HaKen - sending away the Ha'levana (the blessing over the moon) every mother bird, shows that we should have month, the Rabbis admonish us to be particularly compassion for all living things, and should not diligent with regard to Birkat Ha'levana for the torment the mother bird by taking her offspring in month of Elul. her presence. • In general, one must raise his level of observance " You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey during the month of Elul in preparation for the High together." Holidays, and in the merit of our efforts we should be deserving of a year of peace and happiness for Devarim (Deuteronomy 22:10) ourselves, our families and our community, Amen. The Torah forbids one to harness two different types of animals together. This prohibition applies not only to oxen and donkeys or plowing, but also to any coupling of any two different species, for any kind of work. (Rashi). Kidz Corner The Da'at Zekeinim, (a collection of comments on the Torah by the Tosafist school of the 12th and 13th centuries), explains that one of the reasons for this prohibition may be the fact that an ox chews its Interesting Midrash cud, whereas a donkey does not. Imagine the pain (from Torah Tots) that the donkey would feel if, while they are both hungry for rest and nutrition as they labor side by LESSONS IN COMPASSION side under the yoke, the donkey would turn his The 613 mitzvot of the Torah fall into two head, and see the ox chewing its cud. "When did he get food?" the donkey would be thinking, pained by categories; the fact that the ox has food and he does not. "Ben Adam Lamakom" between man and G-d - mitzvot which have no direct effect on other people, "You shall not muzzle an ox while it is threshing." such as eating kosher, keeping Shabbat, and Devarim (Deuteronomy 25:4) reciting blessings. Threshing is the process that separates wheat from "Ben Adam Lachavero" between one person and its husks. This is accomplished by stepping on the another - mitzvot that involve interaction with other wheat. The husks split off and are left behind. Oxen people and the sensitivities involved. are used to step on the wheat. One is not allowed to The Parsha Ki Tetze, contains more mitzvot than muzzle the ox; thereby preventing it from eating the any other Parsha of the Torah (74 mitzvot). Most of wheat while it is threshing. The ox becomes hungry the mitzvot in this Parsha are mitzvot Ben Adam while working. To prevent him from eating would be Lachavero - concerning behavior between man and a cruelty. his fellow man. As we near the end of the year and The Torah is admonishing us to be sensitive to the prepare for the new year, we must be very careful in pain of animals. The mitzvot to send away the our behavior toward others. mother bird, not to muzzle a working animal, and "If a bird's nest happens to be before you on the not to harness two different types of animals road, on any tree or on the ground - young birds or together fall under the category of Tza-ar Ba-alei eggs - and the mother is roosting on the young Chayim - cruelty to animals. These mitzvot remind birds or the eggs, you shall not take the mother with us that all living things must be treated with care the young. You shall surely send away the mother and respect and that we must not let creatures and take the young for yourself, so that it will be suffer. good for you and will prolong your days." But there's more to it.

בס'' ד The Ramban, one of the greatest leaders and Torah fleeting hope would be quickly shattered, when commentaries of the Middle Ages, explains that one change would be requested, and that excitement of the reasons for the mitzvah of Shiluach HaKen, is would revert to disappointment. so that we do not develop within ourselves a trait of Rather than play with another person's emotions, cruelty by grossly causing discomfort to the mother and in order to avoid the poor person's momentary bird by allowing her to witness the taking of her discomfort, this man would walk around with a roll young. of quarters, so he would always have the correct With regards to muzzling an animal, the Sefer change when it was needed for his daily HaChinuch (Mitzvah 596) explains the reason contributions. behind this mitzvah. We must teach ourselves to be This story should serve as an example of how compassionate. When we accustom ourselves to extremely sensitive we must be to the feelings of always seeking the kind and benevolent path even others, constantly striving to prevent them from towards animals, how much more so we will learn to experiencing any unnecessary discomfort. When be compassionate towards human Beings. someone needs a helping hand, no matter how big In all of these scenarios, as well as in numerous or how small, it is our duty to offer it. For if the other places, the Torah is teaching us an incredible Torah can be so concerned about an animal's lesson in the sensitivity that we must have in temporary discomfort, we are certainly expected to recognizing - and preventing - the distress and go out of our way to help a person in need. And if discomfort of others. we must be so careful to prevent someone from suffering, even from the momentary disappointment Kindness to animals is related to kindness in human that a poor person would feel when realizing that he Beings. The Torah teaches us that we have a will only be given a percentage of what he was greater obligation to our fellow man than to animals. anticipating, how much more so must we not be the That does not mean that we can be cruel to instigators of that discomfort by humiliating, animals. We must look at it the other way. We must ridiculing, or disparaging others. be kind even to animals. How much more so must we be kind to human Beings. If the Torah can be so Through this awareness, may we be able to fulfill all demanding about how sensitive we are to these of the mitzvot - both those between man and animals, how much more so must we be sensitive Hashem and those between man and his fellow to other people. man - with the proper sensitivity and respect for one another. Rabbi Paysach Krohn, a popular author and lecturer, expresses this idea in his book, "In the Footsteps of the Maggid" (pg. 142). He includes the following true story, which recalls the sensitivity towards one's fellowman and exemplifies how far we must go to prevent another person's discomfort: Kid’z Korner (Revach) There once was a quiet, kind, and unassuming Jew, Time To Declare War? a Holocaust survivor, who came to this country as a teenager. Money did not come easily as he After eight months of being stepped on and struggled throughout his life to eke out a meager abused, being the subject of lies and rumors, a livelihood to support his family. When he was older, friend of mine who is one of the gentlest and retired from his daily endeavor to earn a livelihood, mild mannered people I know, told me that he he would always carry a roll of quarters with him. will tell the other party that he now realizes that No one knew the reason for this seemingly strange a war is being waged against him and he is behavior. It was only after he passed away, that the declaring war as well. No more Mr. Nice Guy reason was revealed.. and no more will he delude himself into At the Shul (synagogue) where this man prayed believing that their differences will be settled daily, poor people would often come around, asking amicably. Now he is ready to fight. for contributions. Most people would give change in various denominations. This man realized that if he Shoteh SheBaOlam! My dear friend you are a were to take out a dollar bill, intending to ask for fool. What will this declaration achieve for you? change, the poor person would feel a momentary Until now the other side is fighting with every surge of excitement at the prospect of Ben g given dirty trick they can dream of, all this with the a whole dollar instead of his usual change. This comfort of knowing that you are sleeping. Can

בס'' ד you imagine how much harder your adversary Pour Les Francophones will fight when they realize you are rumbling about arising from your drunken delusional stupor? Not only that, but your adversary has a La véritable Guerre… carefully crafted war strategy and you have "Lorsque tu sortiras en guerre contre ton nothing but you hopeless innocence. You don't ennemi, Hachem le livrera entre tes mains. Si begin to fathom what war even entails and you tu vois une femme qui te plaît parmi les are far from prepared to carry it out. Sorry my prisonnières que tu ramèneras, tu la prendras friend but you are no match for your adversary, pour femme. Tu l'emmèneras dans ta demeure certainly not with this attitude. ...Elle pleurera son père et sa mère pendant un "Ki Tetze LaMilchama Al Oivecha", when you mois: ensuite tu la convertiras et elle sera ta wage war on your enemy (Ki Tetze 21:1). The femme." Sefarim HaKedoshim tell us that this enemy is La Torah, dans la paracha de la semaine Ki- the Yetzer Hara. With the Yetzer Hara, it is war Tetsé, enseigne que lorsqu’un soldat désirait every single day of our lives. How can we win une prisonnière non juive, alors il pouvait la this war against this evil genius who seems to prendre pour femme après l'avoir convertie. know exactly which one of our string to pull at Rachi zal, à partir du traité de Kidouchine, precisely the right moment? explique qu'Hachem connaît la nature de The Klausenberger Rebbe once revealed his l'homme. Il sait par conséquent que si un soldat secret to success as a child in Yeshiva. With éprouve du désir envers une captive, il la this secret he managed to learn far more than prendra pour épouse malgré l'interdiction de se all his friends. What was his secret? On the marier avec un non juif. La Torah préfère donc first day one kid would come in and say, this lui permettre de la convertir et de l'épouser de year I will learn the whole Masechta by heart. manière permise plutôt qu'il reste avec elle de Then the next one would then get up and façon interdite. declare his ambitious goals. Down the line De nombreux commentateurs s'étonnent à la each one would would brag what they plan on lecture de ce passage. En effet, dans la achieving. Me, said the Klausenberger Rebbe, paracha de la semaine dernière, Choftim, la I just kept quiet. My plan was to come to Torah nous indiqua que tous les soldats qui se yeshiva each day and learn the best I could. trouvaient face au front d'une guerre facultative Why did I end up learning more than all those et qui avaient peur étaient renvoyés chez eux. who bragged, while they fell far short of their Or Rabi Yossi Agalilé enseignait que la Torah hopes and dreams? When the Yetzer Hara parle de celui qui avait peur des fautes qu'il heard their declarations he armed himself for avait commises. Car la promesse qu'Hachem war and made it his business to deter them. donne la victoire n'a été faite qu'au juste parfait. With me there was nothing to bother with. I Et même s'il n'avait transgressé qu'un interdit waged war, they only declared it. des sages comme de parler entre la mise des The Torah doesn't say Ki "Yachriz" Milchama Al Téfilines du bras et de la tête, il n'avait pas le Oivecha, when you declare war on the Yetzer droit de faire ces guerres. Si c'est ainsi, Hara. Declarations are meaningless at best comment comprendre la paracha de cette and very harmful at worst. Only when Ki Tetze, semaine? Comment ces Tsadikim parfaits when you keep your mouth closed and actually pouvaient subitement désirer une prisonnière go out and fight the fight of your life, only then non juive pour épouse? "U'Ntano Hashem Elokecha B'Yadecha", then Il est écrit dans le livre Hovot Alévavot (les Hashem will hand the enemy over to you and devoirs du cœur) dans le Chaar Ayihoud you will be victorious. Amassé perek 5: "On raconte qu'un jour un "V'Eilu Chayav L'Hachriz". If you are only homme pieux vit des soldats joyeux revenir making Hachrazos or declarations, says the d'une guerre très difficile avec beaucoup de Mishna in Eilu Metziot, it is a clear sign that you butin. Il leur dit: have already lost.

בס'' ד -"vous êtes revenus vainqueurs d'une petite qui fait Téchouva, qui se repent avec amour, guerre, préparez-vous à présent à une grande ses fautes lui sont considérées comme des Basaille!" Mitsvot. Ainsi, lorsque tu rencontras une femme - "Quelle est cette grande guerre dont tu parles, séduisante, le mauvais penchant, emmène-la s’exclamèrent les soldats?" dans ta maison, la maison d'étude. Car le seul moyen de gagner une guerre est de posséder -" Celle contre le mauvais penchant et ses une arme. Notre arme est l'étude de la Torah et acolytes". des livres demorale. Un homme qui n'étudie Nos sages expliquent que lorsque deux armées pas régulièrement des textes de morale ne peut s'affrontent et que l'une d'entre elles l'emporte pas lutter contre son mauvais penchant. une, deux fois ou trois fois, les vaincus Pendant un mois, elle pleurera son père et sa comprennent qu'ils sont face à une force mère. supérieure et arrêtent de faire la guerre. A l'inverse, le Yetser Ara, le mauvais penchant, Le Ari zal enseigne au nom du Zohar que ce ne s'avoue jamais vaincu. Même si un homme mois, c’est le mois d'Elloul. S'il existe une prend le dessus des milliers de fois, il essaye période dans l'année propice à cette lutte, c'est de le faire tomber jusqu'à son dernier souffle. le mois dans lequel nous sommes entrés. Ce qu'un homme peut accomplir en un jour Comme il est enseigné dans les maximes des pendant ce mois paraît accessible avec un pères dans le second chapitre au nom d'Hillel: mois de travail durant le reste de l'année. Pour "n'aie pas confiance en toi jusqu'au jour de ta cela, il faut pleurer envers notre père céleste mort". Il existe ainsi de nombreux exemples de pour qu'Il nous aide et nous pardonne. Et justes qui chutèrent entre les mains de cet envers notre mère, l’assemblée d'Israël, il ne ennemi après de nombreuses années. La faut pas oublier de demander pardon à ceux guémara de Brakhot (29, a) raconte qu'il y avait que l'on a blessés ou abusés. Voilà l'un des un Cohen Gadol, un grand prêtre, qui servit 80 messages de notre paracha, qui sera pour ans au Temple avant de quitter le droit chemin. nous la meilleure préparation pour le grand La Torah nous enseigne dans la paracha de la jugement qui approche à grands pas. semaine combien nous devons nous méfier du Nous vous souhaitons ChaBat Chalom et vous véritable ennemi qui sommeille en nous. Nous disons à très bientôt. Paroles du rav sommes sur un front... Si même les tsadikim Rozemblum chlita. qui partaient en guerre, vierges de toute faute, étaient susceptibles de désirer des femmes étrangères, chacun d'entre nous, à plus forte raison, doit être vigilant à chaque instant. Nous La Grande Guerre connaissons tous de bons pères de famille qui Les parachiottes que nous lisons pendant le abandonnèrent tout pour un vent de folie. Des mois d’Elloul évoquent souvent le sujet de la hommes honnêtes qui passèrent quelques guerre. Les sages et notamment les Baalé années de prison à cause d'un délit sans Moussar virent en cela une allusion à la risque...Nul n'est à l'abri de ce bandit. C'est grande guerre que chaque juif doit mener : pour cela qu'il ne faut jamais se croire hors celle contre le Yetser Ara, le mauvais penchant. d'atteinte et ne jamais Betser sa garde. Dans le livre de la paracha du rav Eliahou Cependant, nos sages nous ont dévoilés que Hassan sur Vayikra, se trouve cette belle cette paracha nous livre les moyens de histoire du Rav Zouché qui illustre surmonter cette guerre: Ainsi "lorsque tu admirablement cette lutte : partiras en guerre contre ton Ennemi, le Yester Rabbi Zouché vécut toute sa vie dans une Ara, sache qu'Hachem le livrera en tes mains". grande pauvreté. Lorsqu’arriva le moment où Comme il est écrit: "celui qui veut se purifier sa fille fut en âge de fonder un foyer, il n’avait reçoit l'aide Divine." Et plus encore: tu pas le moindre sou pour subvenir même au reviendras avec des prisonniers. Tu pourras strict nécessaire, ses poches étaient vides. Les transformer tes fautes en Mitsvot, car tout celui membres de sa famille l’incitèrent à chercher

בס'' ד une solution. Rabbi Zouché savait qu’Hachem son argent et lui demanda de l’échanger en lui viendrait en aide, il était mû par une foi à autant de coupure de 10 et de 50 toute épreuve. Un jour il reçut une lettre de son correspondant au total. Il revint ensuite sur la maitre, le Maguid de Mizritch (zatsal), lui place, une enveloppe à la main et fièrement il demandant de lui rendre visite. Rabbi Zouché annonça : « Voici l’argent, voici l’argent ! ». Il le prit la route sans attendre, et se rendit chez son tendit à la veuve, celle-ci se mit à compter : 500 Rav. roubles exactement, ce qu’elle avait perdu. Le Maguid lui dit en préambule : « Je sais que Toute l’assemblée applaudit le Rav, une pluie tu dois très prochainement marier ta fille, et que de bénédiction s’abattit sur lui ; puis soudain, tu n’as pas le moindre sou. Tiens ! Voici pour Rabbi Zouché fit le silence, et a l’étonnement toi 500 roubles et que cela t’aide à trouver un de tous il demanda…une récompense! Pour bon ‘hatan (fiancé) pour ta fille. » avoir retrouvé l’argent: Dix pour cent de la somme! Sur le chemin du retour, Rabbi Zouché se restaura dans une petite auberge, et tout à Toute l’assemblée outrée n’en revenait pas ! Ils coup il entendit des cris et des lamentations, il avaient tous pensé se trouver face d’un regarda à travers la fenêtre et assista à une véritable Tsadik, mais en vérité il s’agissait d’un scène qui lui brisa le cœur : un ‘hatan venait de vaurien. Les gens changèrent de visage et rompre son engagement avec une orpheline… n’hésitèrent pas à le molester : « Tu n’as pas honte !… » Rabbi Zouché ne changea pas de Que s’était-il donc passé? position pour autant, et il continua à réclamer Rabbi Zouché sortit de l’auberge afin de son dû ! Les gens de la ville le menacèrent: s’il comprendre. Les passants lui racontèrent que continuait, ils l’emmèneraient chez le rav de la la pauvre veuve, maman de la fiancée devait ville… ce qu’ils firent voyant que le malotru remettre la dot juste avant le mariage, soit 500 persistait dans sa mesquinerie de demander roubles qu’elle était parvenue à amasser après dix pour cent ! beaucoup d’efforts, seulement… Le Rav écouta l’histoire et conclut qu’il n’avait La somme avait disparu ! Perdue, volée… ? aucun droit sur cet argent. On finit donc par lui Le ‘hatan, lui-même orphelin, venait donc arracher l’enveloppe des mains et on le jeta de d’annoncer qu’il rompait les fiançailles. Les la ville comme un malpropre. Reb Zouché reprit pleurs de la mère allaient en grandissant, sa route sans un sou pour marier sa fille… associés aux larmes de la jeune fiancée, c’en Quelques temps plus tard le Maguid de Mezrich était trop pour Rabbi Zouché, son cœur rencontra le Rav de cette ville où avait eu lieu clément s’enflamma et soudain il s’écria au l’incident, ce dernier voulut le mettre en garde beau milieu de la rue : contre un certain individu qui à sa « J’ai trouvé l’argent! J’ai trouvé l’argent! » connaissance avait fréquenté le Maguid. Le Rav lui raconta comment cet homme sans La joie put se lire instantanément sur le visage scrupules n’hésita pas à vouloir prendre une de la mère, de la fille, ainsi que de tous les commission sur la dot de la pauvre passants. La foule s’attroupa autour du orpheline…Le Maguid comprit immédiatement sauveur, et il dit à tous qu’il avait en effet trouvé qu’il s’agissait en réalité de Rabbi Zouché, mais une importante somme d’argent, il s’agissait à il ne comprit pas du tout sa réaction, pourquoi présent de vérifier s’il s’agissait bien de l’argent avait-il demandé une commission ? de la veuve, pour cela il demanda des signes : A la première occasion, il dit à Rabbi Zouché Combien de coupures de 10 ? Combien de qu’il était au courant au sujet de la veuve, de sa coupures de 50 ? Etc. fille et des cinq cents roubles, il y avait pourtant La veuve répondit à toutes ses questions, et une chose qu’il ne parvenait pas à comprendre, Rabbi Zouché déclara qu’il reviendrait dans les pourquoi après avoir renoncé à tout son argent, 10 minutes avec la somme. Entre-temps il se bien qu’il en eût un besoin urgent, avait-il gâché rendit chez un changeur d’argent, il lui tendit

בס'' ד cette extraordinaire Mitsva en demandant une esta cualidad despareciera por completo en prime? unas pocas generaciones y que sus Rabbi Zouché lui répondit alors : « Lorsque je descendientes mostraran semejante vis la détresse de la veuve et de sa fille, ma indiferencia? pitié grandit au point d’envahir tout mon être, El Melitz Iosher responde que si una persona c’est donc sans la moindre hésitation que je hace actos de bondad porque en su interior passai à l’acte. Dans la plus grande discrétion reconoce la importancia de lo que está je décidai de leur donner toute la somme que je haciendo y porque genuinamente desea ayudar possédais, en faisant croire que je l’avais a los demás, entonces la bondad se arraiga en trouvée. Seulement lorsque je me rendis à sus descendientes durante muchas l’auberge pour chercher l’argent, un generaciones. Sin embargo, si la bondad se compagnon de route imprévu m’accompagna : lleva a cabo por mero hábito, no es Mon Yetser Hara ! Il commença à me murmurer internalizada por las generaciones futuras. à l’oreille : Reb Zouché ! Qu’est-ce que tu peux Lot sobresalió por su bondad, pero eso se être Tsadik ! Extraordinaire ! Y a-t-il dans le debió tan sólo a que creció en la casa de monde une personne qui accomplisse une Abraham, el paradigma de la bondad. Lot no Mitsva d’une telle ampleur ? Non seulement tu llegó a reconocer la importancia de la bondad, renonces à la dot de ta fille, mais en plus tu fais sino que la practicó por hábito. Actos como los semblant d’avoir trouvé cet argent ! Ah tu de Lot, que no llegan a formar parte del alma m’épates. Je compris qu’il avait l’intention de de la persona, no duran mucho tiempo2. me faire tomber dans l’orgueil. Je me dis alors que j’allais lui donner une bonne leçon : « Tu Si analizamos profundamente la bondad de vas voir qu’ils vont non seulement prendre tout Lot, podemos entender la importante lección mon argent, mais ils vont me jeter de la ville que señala el Alter de Slobodka. En la historia comme un malpropre ! » del rescate de Lot de Sodoma, la Torá nos dice que Di-s recordó a Abraham y, por eso, salvó a

Lot3. El Midrash explica cuál fue el incidente que permitió que Lot fuera rescatado. Cuando Abraham y Sará fueron a Egipto, Abraham dijo Reflexion semanal que Sará era su hermana. Lot podría haber revelado a los egipcios la verdad y, probablemente, ganar una gran cantidad de El Poder del Hábito dinero a cambio. El Alter pregunta: Lot se salvó de la destrucción de Sodoma por no cometer el “Un amonita o un moabita no entrará en horrendo acto de delatar a su propio tío, ¡pero la congregación de Di-s… porque no sin ninguna duda su sacrificio para realizar salieron a recibirlos para darles pan y hajnasat orjim en Sodoma debería haber sido agua en el camino cuando ustedes la fuente de su mérito! salieron de Egipto” 1. Él responde que debido a que la hajnasat orjim Los hombres de Amón y Moav manifestaron un de Lot fue resultado de su crianza y no algo defecto en la cualidad de la bondad al negarse que hubiera internalizado en sí mismo, eso no a dar pan y agua al pueblo judío. Esta es una reflejó un nivel elevado y, por lo tanto, no de las razones por las que nunca pueden ser merecía una recompensa. En contraste, Lot parte del mismo. tenía un gran deseo natural por el dinero, tan El Melitz Iosher nota que esta incapacidad de grande que estuvo sumamente tentado de, al ser buenos anfitriones es más difícil de menos, insinuarles a los egipcios que Sará era entender si tenemos en cuenta que Lot es el la esposa de Abraham y no su hermana. En patriarca de estos pueblos. Lot sobresalió en esta área no tuvo la ayuda del hábito para hajnasat orjim (recibir huéspedes), incluso actuar bien, sino que necesitó recurrir a su arriesgó su vida para proteger a los ángeles autocontrol. En esta ocasión consiguió hacer lo que llegaron a Sodoma. ¿Cómo es posible que correcto gracias a su propio esfuerzo y por eso

בס'' ד su capacidad para evitar ser informante se vuelto la norma y tratar de aumentar el considera más grandiosa que su impresionante significado interior de nuestras acciones en ese bondad en Sodoma4. campo. La recompensa a ese esfuerzo es Vemos aquí un ejemplo del principio conocido inmensa: podemos estar seguros de que nuestras acciones exteriores serán como nekudat habejirá (el punto de libre albedrío), que explica Rabí Eliahu Dessler. internalizadas en nuestro ser y, en Rabí Dessler afirma que cada persona no es consecuencia, nuestros descendientes tendrán juzgada exclusivamente de acuerdo con sus una posibilidad mucho mayor de seguir en el mitzvot y sus buenas acciones, sino de camino de la Torá. acuerdo con el grado en que se mejora a sí NOTAS: 1) Ki Tetzé, 23:4-5. 2) Melitz Iosher, citado en Talelei misma a través de su propio esfuerzo. En Orot, Devarim, pág. 47. 3) Vaierá, 19:29. 4) El Alter de consecuencia, la persona es juzgada de Slobodka, citado y explicado en Mijtav MeEliahu, tercer tomo acuerdo con su propio estándar, que tiene en págs. 131-132. 5) Mijtav MeEliahu, primer tomo, págs. 115-116. 6) Ibíd. Tercer tomo, pág. 138. 7) Musar se refiere al estudio y cuenta su crianza, las influencias de su entorno la contemplación de obras que alientan el crecimiento personal. y sus inclinaciones naturales. Esto explica por qué nunca podemos juzgar a otra persona hasta que no estamos en su lugar. Nunca podemos entender la naturaleza de las pruebas Aprovechando al Máximo que otra persona enfrenta, porque es imposible llegar a conocer todos los factores que afectan Nuestras Fortalezas su vida. “Un amoní o un moabí no entrará en la Es cierto que hay recompensa por cada mitzvá congregación de Di-s; incluso su décima realizada. Sin embargo, la recompensa generación no entrará en la congregación de principal es por luchar contra el iétzer hará Di-s, hasta la eternidad, porque no fueron al (inclinación al mal) y por usar nuestro libre encuentro de ustedes con pan y agua en el albedrío para convertirnos en una persona camino cuando salieron de Mitzráim, y porque mejor. Por lo tanto, quien crece en un medio alquilaron contra ti a Bilam hijo de Beor, de (1) que ayuda a la observancia de la Torá y al Petor, Aram Naharaim, para maldecirte” . desarrollo de buenas cualidades, no recibe su La Torá nos dice que Amón y Moab son las recompensa principal por hacer aquello a lo únicas naciones que tienen prohibido entrar al cual fue educado y lo que le resulta natural5. pueblo judío y da dos razones para explicar Al acercarnos a elul, este concepto asusta. este trato tan severo. La primera de ellas es Podemos asumir que todas las mitzvot que que no fueron hospitalarios con el pueblo judío hacemos serán puestas en la balanza contra en el desierto, y la segunda es que contrataron nuestros pecados, sin embargo la fuerza de a Bilam para que los maldijera. Los cada mitzvá es juzgada de acuerdo con el comentaristas preguntan por qué la Torá iguala grado de libre albedrío que estuvo en juego. En la falta de hospitalidad con la contratación de consecuencia, las mitzvot que se cumplen Bilam, un delito que aparentemente era mucho simplemente porque así nos enseñaron a peor que el primero. hacerlo, pierden buena parte de su poder. El Beerot Itzjak (2) explica que la Torá considera (3) ¿Cómo podemos contrarrestar la fuerza del la falta de hospitalidad de Amón y Moab hábito? Rabí Dessler remarca la necesidad como un pecado horrendo, ya que ellos habían absoluta de trabajar en áreas de crecimiento heredado una tendencia natural hacia la personal6. Estas incluyen el estudio de musar7, hospitalidad de Lot, su ancestro. A pesar de el estudio del significado de la plegaria y un sus defectos, Lot es descrito como un sujeto análisis general de la dirección de nuestras sumamente hospitalario que realizó la mitzvá vidas. Por supuesto, es difícil comprometerse a de hajnasat orjim (hospedar invitados) en hacer muchas cosas al mismo tiempo, pero elul Sodoma, donde estuvo dispuesto incluso a es un período apto para enfocarse en un área arriesgar su vida con tal de satisfacer las de Avodat Hashem en la cual el hábito se haya necesidades de los viajeros.

בס'' ד Dado que eran sus descendientes, Amón y para ser amigable —dado que es una gran Moab heredaron este mismo rasgo de mitzvá hacer sentir bien a la gente— sería personalidad, y pese a esto, actuaron en contra mucho más probable que superara su de su naturaleza y se rehusaron a ofrecerle cansancio e hiciera el esfuerzo necesario para pan y agua al pueblo judío que deambulaba por acercarse a la otra persona. el desierto. Y a pesar de que contratar a Bilam Otra importante lección que podemos aprender para que maldijera a los judíos era de Amón y Moab es lo mucho que podrían objetivamente un acto mucho más nocivo, de haber logrado si hubieran llevado su rasgo de acuerdo al nivel de libre albedrío de ellos, bondad a su máximo potencial: si hubieran negarle hospitalidad a los judíos fue un pecado salido y le hubieran ofrecido pan y agua al igualmente serio y mereció por lo tanto un pueblo judío, entonces probablemente la Torá castigo del mismo nivel. hubiera registrado ese granDi-so acto de Hay muchas lecciones que podemos aprender bondad para la eternidad y obviamente les del error de Moab al no utilizar sus fortalezas hubiera permitido entrar al pueblo judío (5). Sin naturales. Primero vemos que una persona es embargo, dado que no utilizaron sus fuerzas juzgada de acuerdo a su propia nekudat habejirá como corresponde, son tratados con el más (punto de libre albedrío) (4) y, por lo tanto, es grande de los desprecios. Vemos de aquí que juzgada más estrictamente en las áreas donde una persona puede alcanzar logros granDi-sos es más fuerte. si maximiza sus fortalezas y que el hecho de En Base a esto vemos que mejorar nuestros no hacerlo es castigado con gran severidad. puntos fuertes debería ser parte esencial de El Jafetz Jaim destacó este punto en su libro nuestro crecimiento espiritual. En esta línea, el Jomat Hadat (Fortaleza de Fe), el cual fue un ejemplo de Amón y Moab es particularmente pedido exhortando a las personas a ayudar a instructivo; ¿por qué fallaron en un área donde salvar a la nación judía de las muchas naturalmente sobresalían? La respuesta es que influencias negativas que la rodeaban. En este su buen nivel en el rasgo de hajnasat orjim no libro, él escribió extensamente sobre la derivó de un esfuerzo importante por parte de necesidad de que cada persona utilice sus ellos, sino que era un rasgo de nacimiento que fortalezas al máximo (por ejemplo, una persona habían heredado de sus ancestros. Y dado que que fue bendecida con la capacidad de hablar su hajnasat orjim no se regía por los en público debería dar clases en público). Esto parámetros de la Torá, era casi inevitable que también aplica a los rasgos personales; es muy en algunas circunstancias fuese mal utilizada u probable que el propósito de la vida de una omitida. Cuando Amón y Moab vieron que el persona involucre utilizar sus rasgos positivos pueblo judío se acercaba, su inclinación natural al máximo. fue ofrecerles pan y agua, pero su odio y temor De Amón y Moab aprendemos cómo NO al pueblo de Israel superó su rasgo de bondad utilizar las fortalezas que tenemos; quiera Di-s y por lo tanto, no les ofrecieron la ayuda tan que todos aprendamos esta lección para bien y necesitada. aprovechemos al máximo esos regalos que Di- Vemos de aquí que si una persona no trabaja s nos dio. en sus fortalezas naturales internas y las alinea con los requisitos de la Torá, las terminará NOTAS: 1) Ki Tetzé 23:4-5. 2) Rav Ierujam Fishel Goldwasser, citado en Lékaj Tov, Devarim, Segunda Parte p. 63. 3) desperdiciando o utilizando de mala forma. Por Algunos comentaristas escriben que Moab no fue culpable de ejemplo, una persona naturalmente amigable no ofrecer pan y que Amón no fue culpable de contratar a puede, en ocasiones, cuando está cansada, no Bilam. Para mantener la simplicidad utilizaremos la explicación de que amBas naciones fueron culpables de ambos pecados. desear esforzarse para fraternizar con un 4) Rav Dessler ztz”l escribe extensamente sobre este tópico en extraño. En este caso, su rasgo natural no es lo Mijtav MeEliahu. 5) También es interesante notar que Rut, la suficientemente fuerte como para conducirlo descendiente femenina de Moab, se caracteriza por su gran jésed: ella usó esta midá extensamente y, en consecuencia, por el camino correcto porque se enfrenta a alcanzó logros increíbles, incluyendo ser la progenitora de otra cosa —en este caso al cansancio— lo cual David Hamélej y el Mashíaj. dificulta su aplicación. Sin embargo, si luchara

בס'' ד Nahalot Everyone Else Is Doing It Nahala of The Maharal of Prague The police officer was in no mood for th excuses. I was caught red-handed. (By Dr. Wednesday the 18 of Elul Jacob L. Freedman) Rav Yehuda Loew, the Maharal (1525-1609). I did something illegal last year. The parking lot Born in Posen, Poland, on the night of the where a lot of us leave our cars is right at the Pesach Seder, to a distinguished family of rabbis corner of a one-way street and technically, you that traced its ancestry to King Dovid. He was the youngest of four brothers. The Maharal married aren’t supposed to back out onto the main at the age of 32 to Pearl. He had six girls and road. You’re supposed to go out the right way one boy who was named after the Maharal's even though it’s a bit longer and makes you father, Betzalel. In 1553 he was elected rabbi of wait at the stoplight on the corner. But Nikolsburg and the Province of Moravia, where everyone does it and apparently everyone’s he remained for the following 20 years. In 1573 been doing it for years since before I even he moved to Prague, where he opened a moved into the community. yeshiva. In 1592 the Maharal accepted the One night last year I was backing out of the position of rabbi in Posen, returning to Prague in parking lot and onto the main road – like I’d 1598 to serve as its chief rabbi. The Maharal done a million times before – when I saw the castigated the educational methods of his day lights flashing and knew I’d better get my story where boys were taught at a very young age and straight. I had my license and registration insisted that children must be taught in accordance with their intellectual maturity. One of ready for the police officer but it was clear he his leading disciples was R. Yom Tov Heller, didn’t have time for shenanigans. No time for “I author of the classic mishnaic commentary, have a clean driving record,” no “I’m a doctor Tosafos Yom Tov, who, in his introduction and I have to get to the hospital because it’s an informs us that the Maharal greatly encouraged emergency,” and certainly no “I went to high group study of the Mishna. At the same time, he school with Officer Callahan and we played was fully conversant with the scientific knowledge lacrosse together.” of his time as well as friendly with some of the So all I could do was to tell him, “I’m sorry.” contemporary eminent scientists. His disciple, Dovid Ganz, worked in the observatory of Tycho He laughed and asked me, “For what?” Brahe, the distinguished astronomer. He was a “For driving the wrong way on the one-way prolific writer, and his works include: Tiferes street.” Yisrael on the greatness of Torah and mitzvos; Nesivos Olam, on ethics; Be'er Hagolah, a “Why’d you do it then?” commentary on rabbinic sayings; Netzach “Because everyone else does it so often that I Yisrael, on exile and redemption; Or Chadash, on honestly forgot it’s illegal.” the book of Esther; Ner Mitzvah, on Chanukah; Gevuros Hashem, on the Exodus; and many He looked at my license again and then back others. Rav Kook stated that the "Maharal was at me before saying, “Just because everyone the father of the approach of the Gaon of Vilna else is doing it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to on the one hand, and of the father of Chasidus, drive the wrong way. Don’t you know that it’s on the other hand." He has been described as a illegal because it’s dangerous?” Kabbalist who wrote in philosophic garb. “Can you give me a break if I promise never to do it again?” Nahala of Rav Abdala Somech I was embarrassed. His arguments were flawless in their simplicity. I deserved the ticket Wednesday the 18th of Elul he was about to write but then I had an idea Rav Abdala Somech, rebbe of Ben Ish Chai and head and asked, “Can you give me a break if I of Iraqi Jewry (1813-1889). Born in Baghdad, he promise never to do it again?” traced his lineage back to Rav Nissim Gaon, head of “Sure,” he said. “But do you mean it?” the yeshivah of Neharda'ah.

בס'' ד “I’ll try my best, that’s all I can do,” I told him. the Jewish month of Elul, preparing ourselves “If that’s the case then I’ll wish you a good for Rosh Hashanah, it’s a proper time to night and hope you’ll be safe. Remember that assess whether our actions reflect our own any friend of Officer Callahan’s is a friend of wisdom or whether we are just doing mine.” How he knew about Callahan is beyond something because everyone else is. As my me and I’d just as well take it without asking mother would say, “Remember that just one too many questions. because your friends are doing it doesn’t make it cool.” No one wakes up and says, “Today I’m Power of Peer Pressure going to develop a Ponzi scheme because it’s Most people don’t start their day with a plan to only illegal when you get caught,” yet the most do anything wrong, they just happen to fall into common rationalization we hear is some the trap of following everyone else. Nobody variation of Jimmy did it so why can’t I. I get it teaches their children that it’s ok to smoke in my clinic every day when a husband justifies cigarettes or to swear but once another kid in mistreating his wife or a mother defends the neighborhood is doing it, suddenly parents bullying her child. are finding cigarettes outside on the porch and Ever since my brush with the law I’ve driven hearing all sorts of language they never the right way on that one-way street, even dreamed of. Stealing from the corner store is though it takes longer. I can’t promise that I clearly immoral but if friend from class is doing won’t slip up in the future but I am trying my it then it’s hard for an adolescent to resist the best. I think Officer Callahan -- and the temptation. Peer pressure is a powerful force! Almighty – would be proud.

The Talmud (Eruvin 53) relates a story about the power of peer pressure to remind us that even the greatest of people must be vigilant of this trap. While traveling down the road, Rabbi Three Steps to Genuine Yehoshua Ben Chananya took a shortcut Change through a field. On this path, he was approached by a young girl who asked him, Getting free from our self-erected prison. “Isn’t this someone’s field that you’re walking (By Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller) across?” To this the Rabbi answered, “This is a One of the most harrowing pictures I ever saw well-worn path that I’m walking on.” The girl appeared in Newsweek. The camera caught a was not impressed and scolded him, “It’s a glimpse into a life that had, in many senses, well-worn path because of thieves like you who vanished before it even began. A child, who didn’t respect someone else’s property!” could not have been more than three or four years old, was carrying building materials. We Peer pressure was a problem back then and it was problem 100 years ago when Rabbi Yosef would call him a pre-schooler; in today's Haim of Baghdad wrote in his book Ben Ish Sudan, he ― and his parents ― are slaves. Chai, “It is a common thing amongst children to He can be purchased by just about anyone; act improperly and say, ‘it’s the way of the someone looked at him and saw two arms that world.’ The proper response to this is ‘it’s only will grow larger and stronger. It is not likely that the way of the world because immoral people they saw a mind or a soul. In the Newsweek are making it so.’” Peer pressure is still a interview, the child had no idea of the name of problem and can make the brightest and most his country or his village. Looking at him from wonderful of people do ridiculous things – my home in Jerusalem, I mourned for his clearly it played a role when a local doctor was childhood far more than he did. I silently caught driving the wrong way down a one-way wished that he would somehow be able to street! return to himself and learn that he is more than his two strong arms. So while changing the culture of the world may be a tremendous job, taking stock of one’s own actions is a bit easier. As we find ourselves in

בס'' ד Our thoughtless enslavement to mindless over each era. The question you should be routine can leave us without much of a asking yourself is: "What did I learn from this?" relationship to our souls. ― not: "How did I feel?" nor: "Whose fault is In the course of our lives, we close doors to it?" which are ultimately irrelevant to our higher and deeper selves and sometimes process. forget that we, too, are more than earners, We can examine the effects of our positive spenders, and travelers through life. Our experiences ― e.g. When I volunteered in the thoughtless enslavement to mindless routine special ed camp, I learned that people are can leave us without much of a relationship to beautiful in more ways than I had ever known. our souls. In a materialistic society, it is all too Or the effects of negative ones ― e.g., When I easy to view others as competitors. As toddlers see my mother's face today, as I review what we observed that when you have three cookies happened when I was 16, after I said what I and give one away, all you have left are two. knew would pierce her as deeply as a knife From that point onward we are afraid to give. would, I know how empowering destruction The problem is that the soul, unlike the body, feels, and how damaging it is for all of us. thrives on giving, and on the love that is its This process can take a few hours, and might offspring. be wise to divide over several days. When you We also tend to become so self-involved that finish, review what you have learned. When the G-d we all intuitively knew as children you look at the negative things you have done, (children almost always believe in G-d, unless look for patterns. Is impulsivity the reason that they are taught not to) becomes more and you made bad choices? Perhaps the culprit is more removed from our moment-to-moment an insatiable need to find validation. consciousness. We act as though we are more (Remember, if this is the case, we are not out than mere creations. This alters our sense of to blame anyone. We are out to discover our dependency on the Creator and the highest and most authentic self.) concomitant realization that we are beloved Once you have a sense of what the patterns recipients of endless free gifts. We end up look like, you can confess not only the actions amoral, with no one to account to for our lives. that you now regret, but also the underlying Like the child in Newsweek, we don't know causes of choosing those actions. where we are or who we could be. With teshuva, G-d opens doors that we may The solution is teshuva, which means "return" have locked years ago, erasing the negative (not "repentance" or "becoming more impact of our choices. religious"). Through teshuva we learn to re- The purpose of this confession is not to tell G-d establish a relationship as G-d's creations. It is something that He doesn't know. It is to help us a way in which we learn who we are, and regain our identity, by seeing ourselves as we where we are. are, and asking G-d to help us heal the How does it work? There are three primary damage we have done to ourselves. steps. Let's go through them one by one. We can't erase the imprint of our choices, but Confession G-d created teshuva even before He created The first step is confession to G-d. In concrete the world. It is the one creation that is not terms, this means examining our lives and locked into the rule that "time only flows in one honestly admitting to our mistakes and to the direction." When we do teshuva honestly, G-d possibility of having wasted opportunities for reverses time and opens doors that we may growth. have locked years ago, erasing the negative impact of our choices. One method of doing this is to divide your life into eras (childhood, teen years, young Regret adulthood, marriage, career, parenting, middle- The second step is regret, which entails a age, etc). Spend time with a notebook going disassociation with negative patterns to the

בס'' ד point where they are demystified and How do we change our patterns? There are repugnant. Let us look at two scenarios to various ways that are recommended by understand why regret is so essential to the different sages over the course of the process of return. centuries. None of them are meant to be "The Scenario 1: Howie was a relentless hunter. As Only Way." Use whatever works for you, and a college student, his prey was any girl who recognize that as you change, methods that attracted him. As he grew older, he realized worked at one time in your life may not work that he wanted the stability of married life and forever. You will need to change methods now settled down with Bev. Last week he met Mark, and again. his old roomie, in the airport waiting area. They Method 1: Daily Accounting both were headed to Detroit on a plane that This method was developed by the 19th was delayed. As they caught up with each century Baalei Mussar (ethicists): other and reminisced about their college days, Howie waxed nostalgic about his macho 1. Once you identify your patterns, and conquests. you sense which traits are the underlying cause of your errors, learn as Scenario 2: Same beginning as Scenario 1, but much about the trait as you can. For with one critical difference: One evening after example, if you find that time and again the kids had gone to bed, Bev opened up to anger has been the cause of him and told him how other men had treated misjudgments that you regret her like an object, and how she had never profoundly, try reading Rabbi Zelig trusted anyone until she met him. That night Pliskin's book "Anger: The Inner Howie couldn't sleep. He realized how much Teacher." If there are several disillusion and distrust he had sowed, and how problematic traits, you may have a lot of much pain he had left behind him. When he reading to do. met Mark later in the week, the last thing he wanted to bring up was his past. It was If you spend serious time in transit, something he had to deal with, and the time listening to the many lectures available and place was certainly not the airport lobby. [see aishaudio.com] on almost any trait may be a very worthwhile investment. Regret leads to release from self-limiting behavior. Guilt leads to paralysis. The point of gathering information is to find a sentence that really resonates. Regret and guilt are not the same thing. Guilt This should become your mantra, so to creates paralysis. Regret creates redefinition. speak. Using anger as our example, the Guilt is passive - e.g. I can't deal with this right phrase "Don't be reactive. Be the person now. I think I'll eat chocolate and go to sleep. you want to be" may speak to you. (It Regret is active (eventually Howie called his speaks to me.) If you wish to work on rabbi and asked about what the next step several traits, you will have several should be). Regret leads to release from the sentences. prison of self-limiting behavior. Guilt goes nowhere, and is so unpleasant that we tend to 2. Get a notebook. (That makes you feel blame anyone available ― just to liberate good already!) If you are working on four ourselves from its violent grip on our souls. traits, begin by structuring four pages as follows: On the top of the page write Resolution To Change your key phrase. Underneath it, divide The third step is making changes within you the page into seven sections, leaving a that are so real that the old patterns will slowly large margin on the left side of the page. fade. Eventually the day will come when old Write the days of the week on top of the choices are just plain unappealing. This is seven sections. In the left-side margin, analogous to our no longer biting a friend who write the name of the traits you are annoyed us as was our practice at the age of working on ― e.g. Anger, Dishonesty, two. Insensitivity, Arrogance. (Notice that I

בס'' ד have presented the traits negatively 3. Be careful to see that the steps are small rather than positively. The first one on enough to be comfortably attainable, and big the list is the trait that matches the key enough to actually generate change. phrase on top of the page.) 4. Once you are at home with the first step, be 3. Every day of "week one," look at the sure to take a second step. key phrase first thing in the morning. 5. Go beyond where you would like to be. For Repeat it a number of times. At the end instance, if your problem is anger, aim at of the day, pencil in the number of times serenity, not merely at "not losing my temper." you forgot that phrase in the course of the day, by writing one dot for each There are two advantages to this method. One error. Even though you are not dealing is that it works, with rare regressions. with traits 2-4 as intensely this week, Secondly, you are working from the "outside review your day and write in the number in," which allows you to be less defensive than of slip-ups that have taken place. if you had to confront your devils directly. The "disadvantage" is that, as you can see, this 4. The next week, put the first trait on requires a long-term commitment. the bottom and move the second trait to the top, so that within a four-week span, Method 3: Turn to G-d you would have had each trait as the The third method is radically different than the central one on the list. other two. It is the method recommended most 5. Does it seem childish? Yes! Does it by the Hassidic masters. work? Yes ― and with startling rapidity. Turn to G-d directly, openly, passionately, in Within 40 days, you will begin to see your own language. dramatic results, even with traits that you have lived with your entire life. Of Don't focus on yourself. Don't chart your behavior. course if you don't continue the process, Turn to G-d directly, openly, passionately, in your own language. Ask Him to free you from the prison the results fade, but it is an amazing you have erected around yourself. Tell Him where method. you have been, what you have done, and how you Method 2: Maimonides' Method now know that you have done great harm to yourself and to others. Tell Him about the times you 1. Picture yourself in a moment of failure due to have tried to change and failed, and how you now your inability (or lack of desire) to overcome acknowledge that He loves you and has given you whatever negative trait(s) are the source of life, and that only He can help you. your difficulties. Now picture yourself Make this a daily practice in which you include Him responding to the same situation in an entirely in every aspect of your journey. different way. It is important to actually visualize these two scenes so that the The last month of the Hebrew calendar, Elul, is emotional self, which is moved by imagery, will called the Month of Compassion and Forgiveness. It is a time when we have more capacity to draw be as involved as the intellectual self. close to the Almighty than any other month of the 2. Ask a critical question: Since the gap year. It is a time when we can return. As Rosh between how I would like to respond and how I shana approaches, let us use the time to also actually respond is so great, what can I do approach other people with compassion, and see concretely today to narrow the gap? For them in the way that we ourselves would want to be example, if I tend to fly off the handle when my seen by G-d. Let us ask forgiveness from those whom we have wronged, and by doing this, fill our plans are ruined by other people's choices, world with compassion and grace. today I can decide that no matter how upset I am, I won't raise my voice. Although I have not yet come close to saying only the correct response, or judging people favorably, this is, however a good first step.

בס'' ד The Midrash (Shir Hashirim Rabba) teaches The Pinhole of Repentance that G-d promises the Jewish People, “Open (Rabbi Eli Mansour) for Me an opening like a pinhole, and I will The Torah in Parashat Ki-Teseh speaks of the open for you like the opening of the Temple.” case of a man who finds that his wife behaves Repentance begins with an opening like a inappropriately, and thus divorces her, and she pinhole. When a pin punctures a piece of then marries another man. If the second material, the hole is very small, but it is husband also divorces the woman (or dies), permanent. This is the proper approach to the the Torah commands, the first husband may process of Teshuba – making small but not then remarry her. Although a husband and sincere, resolute and permanent changes in wife may marry each other again after they our lives. We are not expected, and it is divorce, this is forbidden if the woman had unwise, to try to drastically transform married somebody else in the interim. The ourselves, as such transformations are not Torah forbids their remarriage in such a case in likely to be maintained forever. What we ought surprisingly harsh terms, calling it a “To’eba” to do instead is to make small, meaningful (“abomination” – 24:4). improvements to our conduct and lifestyle, and ensure that they are permanent, and we never Why is this marriage considered “abominable”? go back to the way we were. And then, one After all, this woman received a proper Get pinhole after another, we will grow and become (writ of divorce) from her the second husband, better people, better servants of G-d, and and is thus halachically unmarried. What is worthy of being blessed with a wonderful year “abominable” about the first husband of happiness and success, Amen. remarrying her?

Rav Chaim Zaitchik (1906-1989) explains that the husband divorced the woman because, as the Torah describes, he found her conduct unbecoming (“Ki Masa Bah Ervat Dabar” – 24:1). He felt that she would be a negative influence upon him and upon their children, and so he made the difficult but noble decision to divorce her. And, his misgivings about her were confirmed when the second man also divorced her. Remarrying the woman at this point, Rav Zaitchik notes, would constitute a grave act of regression. After having done such a noble act for the sake of the spiritual quality of his home and his family, he is now bringing her back and returning to his prior compromised state.

This is the “abomination.” Once a person has made a courageous decision to grow, to improve, to advance and to raise his level of Torah observance, he is now expected to set his next goal so he can move yet another step forward. If he does the opposite, and regresses instead of seeing how he can advance, then he has committed an “abomination.”

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