Open Forum? Chomicle columnists face off on campus issues. For the inside scoop, see Corn- THE CHOMICLE mentary, page 13. FRIDAY, MARCH 31,1995 © ONE COPY FREE DUKE UNIVERSITY DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA CIRCULATION; 15,000 VOL. 90, NO. 122 Kohane reverses decision on North Campus housing By ALISON STUBBY "Heck, I'd pitch my tent for a cover the area between the ten Stupid Government Attorney "If Salon Salasy. Wants to In response to a tirade of com date with the Ice Queen," nis courts and the gym; and General Levi Orchard was bring. The largest. Burger plaints, President Nan Kohane Kohane said. Money Site will run adjacent to asked to preside over the draw King. In the country. To Duke has decided to shelf her plan to The housing assignment the tennis courts. There was ing, but she declined. University. Why can't Salon house independent sophomores would cost each student $65 for some debate about the naming "I object to a policy that will Salasy. Do this?," he said. How on North Campus in favor of a University-provided tent and of the fourth campsite, but compel students to resort to ever, the Medical Center has transforming Shechefskiville $40 for a yearlong supply of gar eventually "Newt Site" was dirty tactics for the sake of good requested the space to open a into a permanent residential bage cans, garbage bags and settled on since its namesake seats at basketball games," Or new research facility on the quad. thermal underwear. Students will still be a sophomore when chard said. "However, if the free physiological impact of dogs Kohane anticipates initial can request a single, double, construction begins this sum date were with Brain Throbson, and grapes. skepticism about the plan from triple, quintuple or mer. I might be willing to compro In the meantime, though, most students, but she feels dodecatuple. Kohane announced that the mise." Salasy announced that he could that they will be persuaded The quad itself would be di lottery for space in the new Despite the new plan, the is arrange a special discount on when they learn of its benefits: vided into four separate camp quad would be held on Easter sue of what to do with North garbage bags for any student guaranteed seats next to the sites, each named after sopho Sunday or after El Lardo Campus remains to be resolved. interested in working on his band at every game and a date mores on the basketball team: Furness crosses the finish line Salon Salasy argued for the es next political campaign. And with line-monitor Langdon Site will run adjacent in Nan's upcoming Fun Run, tablishment of Super Burger Christopher Gross offered to extraordinaire Sara Lee Cone. to Card Gym; Wojo Site will whichever comes first. Duke King Complex. See NORTH on page 11 • President reinstates key position By DOGATE MYHOMEWORK Kluhane said. that I've made a mistake. And Just a week after announc Students, alumni and faculty if thousands of students set up ing her decision to abolish one who had attacked Kluhane's tents on the quad and demand ofthe University's most presti original move said they were my resignation for something I gious athletic programs, Presi with her new decision. think is wrong, I know how to dent No Kluhane said Thurs 'She has made it crystal clear deal with that; that was not the day that she will reinstate the that she intends to include a the case this time." varsity men's basketball team. comprehensive conditioning Kluhane says the incident Speaking to more than 9,000 - program to get the team back has taught her that she needs furious fans in Cameroon In up to speed," said Dr, Brenda to be better informed when door Stadium, Kluhane apolo Strongarm, associate professor making decisions about Univer gized for failing to understand of sports cardiology and chair sity priorities. the significance and popularity ofthe Medical Center's basket "For whatever reason, our of of the basketball program be ball boosters club. "And for that fice files are not perfect," she fore eliminating it. reason, I think, finally, we may said. "I think El Lardo Furness "I hadn't realized we won two have an ACC win on the road." used the basketball file as a national championships in the Kluhane announced her de placemat for his pizza one early '90s," Kluhane said. "I cision last week to abolish the night, and no one ever put it thought every child in this basketball team and appoint back." country owns Duke shirts and Coach Nike Kzezewsakij as a Deprived of any statistics on caps because they're fans of our professor ofthe practice in the men's basketball before this fine primatology department." Medical Center's physical year, Kluhane said she relied on Nevertheless, Kluhane re therapy clinic. She did not ask Spurts Illustrated's "Death ofa mains convinced that the post anyone about the move, saying Dynasty" story in assessing of head men's basketball coach the new post for Coach niKe whether or not to preserve the SPECIAL TO THE CHOMICLE needs to be changed. "The was "a personnel decision." program. whole thing that was the impe Commenting on her move to "At Wellheynowsley, we Junior? tus for the announcement was reinstate the program, Kluhane didn't have Division I sports. Hospital COO Mike Palestine checks on John Fumess's preg my belief, which I stand by, that said, "I have no qualms about The only thing I knew about nancy as egg donor Mo'Reene Cullins looks on. this was not a workable job," admitting publicly and visibly See DECISION on page 18 Ik- Speed II: Bomber Chairs to speak at graduations By HILLARY CLINTON dignitaries like Billy Joel, Toni opportunity. "Now I might be takes on saferides In a move startling to many Morrison and Colin Powell, from Kentucky, but that doesn't By SANDRA BULLOCK shot. There's a bomb on your members ofthe University com even the First Lady to speak at mean I can't see an excellent Former Duke student bus— " munity, officials have signed a graduation." opportunity when I see one," he Claymation Peterson con "Now. technically, this contract with University aca University Emcee Pelham told his class Thursday. "It was tinued his reign of terror here's a van," Scarlett po demic department chairs, al Wildman, the man charged the noted historian C. Vann over campus yesterday litely interrupted. lowing them to deliver the next with recruiting graduation Woodward, class, who said 'if when he rigged a SafeRides "Say what!" Peterson re ten commencement addresses. speakers, was also excitied you give the black man a voice, van to explode if it dropped torted. "Say hey, I'm talking President Nano Kahones about the new contract. "It he will spread wisdom to the below 50 mph. to you, meathead. Do not at made the announcement yester makes my job a hell of a lot masses.'Now ifC. Vann said it, SafeRides driver Scarlett tempt to grow a brain. You day in a statement to the press. easier," the longtime professor I tend to believe him," O'Hare was calmly cruising just reached 50, so the bomb "I think it is a splendid idea said. "I'm pretty much sick of Kahones announcement down Chapel Drive at 11 is armed. Once it drops be to have some of the most tal getting rejected by every big comes in the wake of much dis p.m. last night and munch low 50, it blows up. ented scholarly minds in the wig in the nation." Wildman appointment among students ing on one of his wife's deli Whaddaya do, Jack? country speak annually for our has named George Correct, about the recent choice of pub cious jelly biscuits when a Whaddaya do?" graduating seniors," Kahones chair ofthe African-American lic policy and communications strange voice came over his "Well, I don't want to said. "In the changing face of studies department, as next guru David Gurgle as this walkie-talkie: "Pop quiz, hot See SPEED on page 12 • higher learning, it may no year's commencement speaker. year's graduation speaker. longer be the best move to ask Correct was upbeat about the See SPEAKERS on page 17 • THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 The whole ball o' wax
Newsfile Hillary to Noot: I want to be your bitch Associated Press By CARL BERNSTEIN dering "the agony of being married to a Washington dashed by the inability of "a TySOIl performs: A theater com WASHINGTON - In a stunning de man whose first name is a cowardly 'Bill', Grand Old Putz incapable of cleaning up pany has announced plans to launch velopment on Capitol Hill this afternoon, all the while knowing that a lion-hearted after himself." a national tour of "Oleanna: A Power a desperate love letter written by the First 'Noot' was within my reach." Senate majority leader Bob Dolt said Play" starring former heavyweight champion boxer and convicted Lady and directed at Speaker of the Dissatisfied with Roger Clinrod, the that because of the seriousness ofthe ac sexual assaultist Mike Tyson. House Noot Getrich was discovered in the president's brother, ("All that moron could cusation, an inquiry into the situation powerful Republican's office. do is blow that horn of his," Mrs. Clinrod would be held to discuss to the possibil King retires: The Burger King The letter was found by Dr. Jocular wrote) the First Lady felt that the time ity of holding a hearing to determine has announced plans to abdicate his Eldest, who had been walking past was right for change. It was not simply whether a committee should be formed throne at the end of the year. As of Getrich's empty office when she decided the Speaker and his "glossy silver helmet" in order to decide if action should be ficials search the dominion for a to duck in and "freshen up." She claims that enticed Hillary, but also knowledge taken. Sen. Bob Hackwood and Sen. Dan replacement, the Hamburgler has to have dropped her lipstick on the floor of Newt's lesbian sister. "The curiosity is Rottencowski immediately volunteered to emerged as the favorite. and, while trying to retrieve it, stumbled just unbearable," she wrote. sit on the panel, while Justice Clarence across the letter. Getrich, who was on the House floor Llamas said that he would be willing to POWerS decide: Leaders from Israel and the P.L.O. have agreed "As soon as I found the note, all I could arguing before an audience of three pages preside—but not before asking Eldest, to resolve the years of conflict by think of was 'What will the children of and one stenographer for a bill that would "Hey—is that a pubic hair on the letter?" playing a winner-take-ail game of this country think?,' That, and 'How will replace the presidency with a Republican- Democrats have already announced Pin the Tail on the Donkey. this affect their masturbation habits?"' dominated junta, could not be reached for intentions to file a complaint with the Eldest said. comment. Through a press secretary, Ethics Committee. Richard Gimpheart Bunny jailed: The Energizer President Clinrod said he was "shocked Getrich did say that he would entertain said was outraged that Getrich would bunny was arrested for jay-walking and disgusted" at tbe letter and dismissed any offers that Clinrod might have as long indulge his manhood outside of his party. and resisting arrest. As the bunny it as a pathetic attempt by a spurned of as she was willing to throw her support "As Democrats, we have a proud tradi crossed a street amidst traffic, an ficial to raise public ire and destroy the behind his proposal to eliminate health tion of screwing our constituency, but we officer ordered it stop. It kept on go care for anyone without a college educa would never do it across party lines," ing and the officer was forced to fire credibility of two of the nation's most his gun, clipping the bunny in the loved and respected figures. But then the tion. Gimpheart said. tail and knocking it on it's side. leader ofthe free world changed his mind What follows is brief excerpt from the Unfortunately, most ofthe other Demo and decided that the whole thing sounded letter discovered by Dr. Eldest: "I remem crats could not seem to agree on exactly "darned intriguing." He plans to visit ber when your mother called me a name. what bothered them the most about this Gingrich this afternoon and see if he could That name was bitch. Well, maybe she unusual development. While some were Weather get his "fox in on the trot." was right — it doesn't matter now. All that angered for the same reasons as Among other things, the extensive let matters is, if I have to be a bitch, then I Gimpheart, many were disappointed that ter cites Hillary's reasons for her surpris want to be yours." this incident would catapult Getrich's High: 139 • Snow! Tons of the stuff ing attraction to Getrich. She recounts in One person who was not laughing, how forthcoming book from flop to best-seller. Low: -23 • Winds: From everywhere detail "feeling her hot, liberal blood race" ever, was Hillary herself. Angered by her Sen. Robert Birdy said publicly that he Kato Kaelin: In 35 years, the man has while watching one of Getrich's televised love interest's carelessness, she spoke of did not care much either way "as long as accomplished nothing but a hairstyle. history lectures for his college class. And the years of hard work she spent trying I still get the opportunity to cause a fili she recalls the tearful nights spent pon to bring about nepotism for women in buster." EDWEBS I Ran with GOURMET* (Absolutely necessary conferences & appointments Nan... ^ for wildly successful Easter brunches & dinners.) [d The IJjQVVilfcS Butt***- Again LiiSL-i()iLsfivsliiticks()flainh;tixnvns.,saLkllL-sXic^.s,itK).\V(>rldSvoiylx.jst pinkham, Merrell E-Z Cut (whole, half, or centers), Johnston County ft nintry ham (cooked or not & center slices.) Real PRIME beef ribs, rilx-yes, sirloins. strips, T-J* >nes& PoiterhoLi.se. Wholelieef filets. Fresh pork hams, frowns. & Ixmeless loins. GIVE US YOUR SPECIAL REQUESTS. L^ TheK5VVBBSFishmonger- Whole salmonn,. lump crabmeat, ssha1" d"' roe. Maine lobster tails & more 3jj The Jj£jVVffiP§ Baker. Cakes, roulade ones, ci much more Join Duke's president Nan Keohane f|rt The Little Old grjVVgBSWinemaker. for Fun Run II. CKXKI advice on grcal lasting wines for ever-cry courcourses . Mixe*' d case dis Saturday, April 1 (^ TheBpWgPSGreenGrocer- What's fresh
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Amtrak's Air-Rail • Outside storage Travel Plans, Golf Amtrak Packages and more! • walk-in attic storage *Some restrictions may apply. Lr, Sinai! pels't Call today and let us tell you — 919-361-9616 An ra about the magic of Amtrak. " a^^ Office Hours fti-XT: •i.S<)t> ! Mon-Fri 8:30am-"Spm WASH R&DRYt-R a-:.\T.\/ SJ : Sat 10am-2pm liEI't). IT Slot) • 1 THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY. MARCH 31. 1995 Twentieth-Century Postmodern Impressionist Deconstructionism Ahhtmakere eekplores ze umlaut's bootee By ZE EENFLATABOLL CLAUDEENE skin, like ze cheeken pox." poem will be read twice, keeping in line The Living Cultures series presents a Art will SP^P into your life like blood The painting "Summer Fun With Urn- with the duality of the umlautt. As a visual masterpiece of cells from every continent. Every day, Biological Sci intoabruise;ic will invadeyourlanguage, laut" shows, in bright primary colors, a further complexity, each word is said ences Building (Yes, we in arts do like a soldier in the night. picture of Hans Hans Hans as a boy twice,alsoemphasizingthemythicdouble know where it is). Free; appointments These sentiments are expressed by the eating cotton candy at a carnival, with quality ofthe umlaut. "Eet ees important necessary. delectably obscure post-postmodernist art two huge black dots attached to his head. to me to streese ze very claritee of ze of Hans Hans Hans, the infamous French- "Ze umlat has a playfool side, too. Ze Zenlike tone of umlat. Ze ping-ping, ze Germ an-Aborginal-Tlingit-Hmong umlat ees a coolturaux idoll, eet ees even pong-pong, eet ees very childlike." EJET"A Panoply oDf Talent. " Chomicle Arts "ahhhtmakere" renown for his innovative like ze Meekey Maus." One of z The musical attraction of Hans' exhibit staff members join forces for a subject matter and style. He will is the premiere of his newest sym groundbreaking multimedia produc beexhibitinghis latest work, "The phony, "Umlaut Sonata." The tion. Dance, photography, vocal mu Umlaut and All of Its Sentient piece is a sparse, beautifully ex sic, piano and visual art in modem, classical, deconstructionist, surreal and Nonsentient Possibilities" in ecuted combination of rare exotic ist and Gilbert and Sullivan-esque the Broom Gallery this Friday instruments, each emittinga pair styles. Self-criticism session with the through Saturday. of short, staccato blasts of sound artists following. One performance Hans Hans Hans is a concep at different intervals. "My only. (We wouldn't want to do this too tual artmaker, well known for sonatah feetures the very often.) Saturday, April 1, 4 a.m.; East his intense explorations of cul musique of ze umlaut, eets per campus fields. We'll pay you. tural symbols through different fect dualeetee of aurauxeetee." artistic disciplines, including The audience will be encouraged MiWHWH sculpture, painting, drama and to clap along. "We Do the Real Work." Students music. He is the pioneer of um BEGINNING PHOTOGRAPHER/THE CHOMICLE Umlaut art has been hailed by from Trinity School of Arts and Crafts laut art, or umlautism, as art critics as the new frontier of ar in a rousing standoff with depricating It's an umlaut, silly! You know, the punctuation mark! Engineerings-in-training who say only critics call it. "Ze umlat is zee tistic expression. Hans Hans they can find real employment. Arts most boootteefool of ze Hans is considered the greatest majors plan to hold protest against phoneticaux seembolls," said Hans. "Eet the—most striking paintings, a ten-foot practitioner of this form; in fact, he is so science majors who are riled up about has a zertin seemeetee to eets structurre. by 20-foot stark white canvas with two renown that he is the only artist in the being grouped with students of art. Of all zee traditionaux seembolls, ze umlat huge black dots infesting the pure space, world to currently exhibit examples of Any day, anytime, anyplace. Ringside has zee most soul." grabs the viewer with its intensity. Titled umlautism. With Hans' exhibit this week tickets free for all. The visual part of the exhibit features "One Dark Night of My Soul, Descending end the University will be hosting one of many strange yet interesting sculptures into the Bliss of Oblivion," the painting thegreatestcollectionsofumlautism.This and paintings, each expressing and con explores "my erotique feelink to ze umlat, will also be one ofthe last, as Hans will be The fat lady in concert. The Major ceptualizing a different aspect ofthe um 3 monsta zat obliterates ze yeearnink of examining new subject matter in the fu Artsits series brings to campus this legendary singer for a concert to end laut. Onesculpture is a gray marble statue my psychique womb, ze dahkness I faux ture. "I sink zat I weel moof on to zee all concerts. Date and time as yet of a nude Hans, covered with various eento like a leetle boy eento co-co," said comma next, or perhaps ze period. Or undisclosed. pairs of black dots. "Zees scoopture ex Hans. perhaps I weel copy my favoureet show plores ze way ze umlat has eenfested my The dramatic part of the exhibit fea and eeksplore ze letter Z next. Eet ees ze being, so mauch zat eet comes through ze tures poetry by Hans Hans Hans. Each most beeyoutefool of all ze alphabet."
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By IMA IDEEYUT and HARRY PITT More than 1,000 students stormed Life 101 the Allen Building Thursday in protest ofthe Univeristy's curriculum. Proposed Courses Called the "We DON'T Want No Reel J/XT-*«—J —** ^>-J iZ:r^ —• Edyookayshun" campaign, the protest ART 101. The Art ofthe Mani was organized by Aycant Reed, president cure — Staff (Tri-Delts) of Athlete House. CHM 101. Thermodynamics "The courses at this university are and Equilibrium; Building a biased and intello-centric," Reed roared. Better Bomb — Clay 'n PSastique "As intuh—, um, intuhla—, you know, Peterson like, as smart-challenged students, we CHM 102. Mixology: Brewing deserve an equal and fair shot to, you Your Own Beer — Chug-it know, heh hen., score [graduate?]." Dickerson and Canteen Cullins Riot officers, armed with laughing gas CPS 101. The Search for and tennis balls, surrounded the build Meaning {in Technology) — G. ing around 3 p.m. Many students Macintosh-Newton crowded around the building, forcing ENG 101. 19/20th Erotic Public Safety Chief Jimmy Dean to French Literature — Le Betta spend his afternoon yelling out, "Noth Compagnon ing to see here, folks. Please disperse, PE 101. Principles of Basket nothing to see here..." ball — Pete Gaudawm! University President Man Kohan said PE 102. Square Dancing — that she was "genuinely shocked" by the Staff (KAs) spectacle in her office when she emerged ME 101. The Art of Power ITS THE REAL THING (WE SWEAR!]/THE CHOMICLE from her private bathroom. While in her Some of the proposed 'Life 101' courses include field trips. Students enrolled in Tools — John Ibolsma "commode abode," Kohan had not heard MTH101.100 Bottles of Beer... Post-It Kumar's "Ethics and the U.S. Postal Service" will have the opportunity to the commotion outside, as she was re experience firsthand his "suite" in Dallas, Texas. A Course in Subtraction — Staff hearsing her performance ofthe Village (ATOa) People classic "Go West" for the upcom tellectual endeavors at this institution," ity freshman Miller Leight. "I'll drink PPS 101. How to Win Friends ing sophomore class party. Kohan said. "The proof is in the pud to that!" and Influence People — Angina After two hours of tense negotiations ding." The introduction of a host of new 'Life Malhotra with protestors — during which a trans The protestors were notably relieved 101' courses is designed to educate stu PPS 102. Ethics and the U.S. lator had to be brought in — Kohan re at the speed at which negotiations were dents on topics of "no importance what Postal Service — Post-it Kumar lented and agreed to remodel the cur successfully concluded. "For a moment soever," Reed said. PS 101. The Art of Saying riculum, recognizing the wide range of there, I thought I might not get a chance Some ofthe suggested courses include Nothing — Salon Selassie "intellectual diversity" that exists on to get f-cked up tonite. It's a Thursday, "Principles of Drinking," "Pigskin PS 102. Residential Imperial campus. you know," said Trinity sophomore Bud Crafts" and "Cocktail Chemistry." In ad ism — Man Kohan "I'm pleased to say that the revised Weizer. dition to weekly instruction, a few offer ACES LADY/THE CHOMICLE curriculum recognizes a panoply of in- "Yeah, man. Cool. Heh-heh," said Trin- field trips and guest lecturers.
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On-campus interviews will be held on April 7,1995 THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY. MARCH 31, 1995 Duke Review gets a heart, gives up shrugs for hugs By THE NAKED WOLF tor.. "It made me see the larger picture in new approach — we care about employee ing out to our campus's most deserving The Duke Review is winning praise a different light -it's not just unfeeling issues, multiculturalism, authentic Ko victim — cartoonist Jah Upthe Funk. from ail sectors ofthe Duke Community tolerance that we need, but real, heart rean cuisine, and the disturbing rise of Imagine! With just one Hugs for Anji for its spearheading of the new Hugs-not- felt, appreciation and empathy. It's time impotence among some laboratory mice." Malhooter Fundraiser we'll ensure qual Shrugs "I wanna feel your pain" cam to stop shrugf,' ig, and start hugging." Their main focus will be the First An ity cartooning for years to come." paign. After Felthim's address any individu nual Hugs for AnjiMalhooter Fundraiser, Reaction to the camgaign has been In conjuction with its newfound allies, als — except members ofthe men's bas during which volunteers will make a con mostly positive. "I'm psyched! This is Spectrum House and AADESHH (Affir ketball team — so moved will have the scious effort to listen to another's woes, gonna put us right up there with Yale and mative Action Deserves an Extra Special opportunity give their own testimonials, and instead of shrugging, shed at least Harvard," said Nan Cobain. 'The proof Helping Hand), the staff of The Duke and recieve a hug from two representa three heart-felt tears and then hug the is in the pudding." Review will launch the campus-wide tives from each of the three sponsoring unfortunate individuals. Perhaps the most moving reaction momvement at 2 p.m. this afternoon at a groups. Prizes will be given to the indi "The hope is that each volunteer will comes from Malhooter, who had been speak-out on the main quad- "I'm plan vidual who loses the most water crying, find five sponsors to pledge at least 1$ Felthim's arch nemesis, "When he came ning on giving the keynote address... for and Pubic Safety will be present in force per shrug forgone for a hug," said [to me]... I was surprised, then pleased some time there was a 'don't ask, don't to guarantee Felthim's promise that all Malhooter, co-president of Spectrum, with his speedy ejaculation... of liberal tell policy' going on between my mind and who laugh will be shot on sight. "With at least 300 volunteers hugging five ideas. He said to me, "You know Anji, I my penis, and it began to cause a real "This is just the beginning," said people per day for the next three weeks, realize now that you're more than just a problem," said Nick Felthim, Review edi Felthim, "The Duke Review will take a we will be well on our way towards reach rug, you're a human being.' " SPHINCTER protests termination of tan S&M candies
By TRUE COLORS corporate officials announced their de Funkedup's complaints were finally si Shavis, former president ofthe NAACC Over 100 students rallied outside the cision, Duke's SPHINCTER organiza lenced with threats to assassinate his (National Association for the Advance Bacon Center Lobby Shop Thursday to tion called an emergency meeting to con favorite Peanut's character, Snoopy. ment of Colored Candies), called the protest the recent decision of Hershey front the crisis. Members representing After more than five hours of heated manager a liar and accused him of be Squirts Inc. to remove the tan colored all 157.8 cultural groups on campus debate, SPHINCTER devised an elabo ing a member of the Smurf faction re candies from their popular line of choco packed SPHINCTER House commons rate plan of action to boycott the Bryan sponsible for the disappearance of Presi late squirts, S&M. room to voice their concerns about the Center Lobby Shop in protest of the dent Kokaine. "The proof is in the pud Late Thursday afternoon, Hershey S&M color change. S&M color change. Over 100 protestors ding," Kokaine said in a statement. Squirts corporate officials announced "This is just another attempt by can waving picket signs reading, "DON'T The protest ended as SPHINCTER their decision to replace tan colored died coated corporate America to keep TRY S&M!" blocked the entrance to the members stampeded into the store in S&M's with blue colored ones. Willie our tan brothers and sisters out of the Lobby Shop and demanded to speak to search of President Kokaine and Duke Wonka, Hershey Squirts senior execu sack!," said Angry Ivegotcha, current President Kokaine. Public Enemy officers raided the shelves tive vice president, said that he was ex president of SPHINCTER organization. In an attempt to placate the mob, the in search of chocolate-frosted donuts. cited about the color change and ex The mob erupted into a chaotic curs manager ofthe Lobby shop announced Having not found the President and pected the blue squirts to be more popu ing war after Trinity Sophomore Jim that the University didn't sell S&M can S&M candies in the Lobby Shop, the lar than the tan ones. Funkedup suggested that the group was dies and that President Kokaine was not disgruntled students confiscated 50 Immediately after Hershey Squirts overreacting. The mob subsided after currently in the Lobby Shop. Ben boxes of Lucky Charmies cereal instead.
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Wine Tasting and Free Appetizers Live Pianist Get on the Waiting List for Spring and Summer. Every Tuesday and Wednesday Nights Thursday Evening Starting at 6:30 5:00 to 7:00 P.E.P. SPECIAL! Duke, UNC, IBM, Specializing In Greek, Mediterranean Burroughs Wellcome, Northern Telecom- and American Cuisine GTE—Lease today and receive a discount off Lunch Dinner your first month's rent. Mon-Fri 11:30-230 Mon-ThU 5:00-10:00 Fri-Sat 5:00-1030 383-8502 614 Snowcrest Trail, off University Dr.. Durham "J | Loehmann's Plaza Major Credit Cards (919)490-1400 J 1821 Hillandale Road Accepted FRIDAY. MARCH 31, 1995 THE CHOMICLE MENDELSSOHN APRILS GLLRH FEST95 DUKE UNIVERSITY CHAPEL CHOIR 1 Student Music Recitals by Stefan Krai: '95, piano (3 pm In AND ORCHESTRA the Nelson Music Room); and Dano Kling '96, baritone with Alison Robbins '95, piano {8 pm in Bone Hall of the Mary Duke Biddle Music Building), free. Rodney Wynkoop, ConductoSOLOISTrS Robert C. Christesen, baritone 2 Four Ballets, performance by Duke Ballet Repertory Ensemble with singing the role of Elijah the 15-501 Ballet Company of Chapel Hill, directedfay M'Lis s Dorronce. 3 pm Susan Dunn, soprano in Reynolds Theater, Bryan Center. S12/S6. Mary Gayle Green, alto Student Music Recital by Naomi Zweben '97, soprano. 8 pm in Bone Hall, Biddle Building. Reading ol The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, adapted by Chris Giabowski and Jody McAuliffe. 2 pm in 209 East Duke Theater. Free.
3 Jonathan Kingdon exhibition opens in the Louise Jones Brown Gallery, Bryon Center. Reception from 5-7 pm organized by DUU Visual Arts Committee.
Tues 4 Reconceptualizing Aroma exhibition opens in The Perk, 2nd '. floor colfee cafe in Perkins Library, with a reception al 8 pm. Exhibition orga DUKE UNIVERSITY CHAPEL nized by Michael Ranson '95 ond Noah Biermon '95.
Sunday, April 2,1995 Wed 5 Reading off Mother and I new work by Robert Milazzo '94. 3:00 p.m. 5 pm in Branson Theater, East Campus. Free.
Tickets-$10 general admission; Concert by Bahauddin Dagar performing mystical Dhrupad music ol India. 7 pm in the Duke University Museum of Art, spon $3 Duke student with ID. sored by the Institute of the Arts, Asian & African Languages & Literature, Available at Page Box Office oi ond Comparative Area Studies. S5/S3. call 681-1737 for mail order information. No phone orders. Thur 6 SLOV-ART-VIA exhibition opens in Lilly Library Gallery with a Cash/Check sales only. reception from 5-7 pm. Sasha and Dagmar Kusa, visiting Slovakian students, provide traditional music and edibles. Exhibition features works by four women orlists of Slovakia.
Thur-Sat 6-8 ARK DANCES, annual spring student dance showcase, with donees in ballet, modern, African, Chinese, and doncetheater. 8 pm each night in ART SHOW The Ark, East Campus. S5/S3. & 6-9 THEATRE '95 presents Baldar and the New Asqardians: Growing Up Divine in ihe Nuclear Age, directed by Enoch Scott '95; and Acid Fairy SILENT AUCTION directed by Tamara Kissane '95, Meg DeFoe '96 and Jennifer Gross '97. 8 pm in 209 East Duke Theater. Also at 3 pm on Saturday. Modest admission charge.
"ARCHITECTURAL IMPRESSION OF Fri 7 Springffest, annual outdoor festival of crofts, food ond music, on Moin Quad West. 10 am to 5 pm. Concert in Cameron at 7 pm. CHARLESTON & BEYOND" Fri-Sat7-8 Requiem hy Giuseppe Verdi, performed by Duke University Chorale, Durham Civic Choral Society, and NC Symphony in Duke Chapel. 8 pm on By ^4,, - Friday; 3 pm on Saturday. SI8/S15.
Local Artist: Philip Pennington Sat 8 Informal Showing ol Dances and works-in-progcess. 2 pm Duke Divinity Student in The Ark, East Compus. Free.
8 DSG Band Jam. 8 pm to midnight on Craven Quad. Free. Place: Hanks Lobby * Duke University-Bryan Center 8 Student Music Recitals. Jordin Greene '96, soprano; Ginny Pike '96, piano, and Leah Dielz '95, soprano. 5 pm in Bone Hall, Biddle Bldg. Date: Free. April 4-16, 1995 8 The Ciompi Quartet, faculty and arlists-in-residente, present a concert of music by Stravinsky, Shostakovich, and Tchaikovsky. 8 pm in the Time: Nelson Music Room, East Duke Bldg. SI 2/free lo students. Monday-Friday @ 11:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. Saturdays & Sundays @ 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. Sun 9 Student Music Recital Emily Wesslec'95, soprano. 5 pm in the Nelson Musir Room, East Duke Building. Free.
Opening Show with Cultural Presentations on 9 An Old Fashioned Band Concert in the Parkfay tb e Duke Wind Symphony, Michael Volla, Jr., conductor. 3 pm in the Sarah P. Duke April 4,1995 at 5:00 p.m. Gardens. Free.
APRILFEST '95 is coordmated by the Duke University Institute of the Arls. For ticket information call Page Box Office, 684-4444. For individual event information call the Pake Aristine, 681-ARTS. THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 'North of the Border' brings Canadian student protest By Que Beck the campus community at-large an ap "Vi-va Ca-na-da! Vi-va Ca-na-da! Vi-va preciation for our 'true' friends from the Ca-na-da!" "We Canadians are sick and tired North," he announced. Last Saturday night, these chants of "The proof is in the pudding," Cohane outrage by the Canadian members ofthe of being cheated out of the dig said. University community resonated nity and recognition that we de Screwedbynan plea, however, was throughout the campus in protest of serve on this campus, eh!" drowned out by the protestors, who be North Campus' "North of the Border" gan to chant Canadian hymns and wave theme party. Approximately 50 Canadian red maple leafs proudly in the air. students picketed the event, which was Greg Newdonewrong This protest by the Canadian commu held in Heinous House. nity comes on the heels of its animated In a vehement call to action, the Cana objection to the removal of Canadian ba dian Power Society on campus crashed According to North Campus President ognition that we deserve on this campus, con from Burger King's menu. the "North of the Border" party. After Really Screwedbynan, "The decorations eh!" proclaimed CPS president Greg "It is high time that we be accorded the sabotaging the Moosehead and Molson had been placed on the walls to heighten Newdonewrong. proper respect that we deserve around Ice Kegs, the Canadians proceeded to tear the ambience of the party and give the But Screwedbynan defended the party here," said Newdonewrong. "If necessary, down the stuffed moose and blue jays. guests a feel for the 'true' Canada." and its purpose, while addressing the I will even remove myself from this cam "The moose is loose! The moose is loose!" "We Canadians are sick and tired of crowd of Canadian students gathered pus until the problem is rectified, eh!" shouted the Canadian students. being cheated out ofthe dignity and rec outside. "This party was designed to give "O, Canada!..." Speakfest sparks multicultural bitching and whining By KENNY QUADSQUIRREL what it's like to be hermaphroditic on "The proof is in the pudding. "Much of bunch of grapes. Amidst much fanfare and professed this campus," said Jamie Lee Jones, the day was dominated by people speak Bobby Lopez immediately ran to the oppression, the first annual quad president of Students to Stifle Sexual ing at one another. "You see, that is the quad, screaming "Uvas No! Perez No!" speakfest was held Thursday. ity. "All the sexual tension at Duke is problem. You're not hearing Jimmy... and was joined by fellow Latino students Sponsored by the University Union incredibly insensitive." you're just listening to him," said Wesley in circulating petitions to ban Rosie Local 243, the speakfest allowed cam Jones' thoughts were quickly shot Snipes of Duke Men Who Can Jump. Perez from campus. pus groups including the lesser-known down by an anonymous member ofthe Snipes was flanked by Rosie Perez, Members ofthe recently-formed group Students Whose Parents Wore Duke Gay, Lesbian, Closeted Queer As who immediately took issue with previ Students Representing Oppressed Leopardskins and Vegetarians for Fur sociation: "If we don't promote sexual ous statements concerning sexuality. Farmworkers Who Eat Grapes and Like the chance to share their views and com freedom, then we may be preventing "Come back, Billy, I wanna screw," said Rosie Perez Movies immediately seized plaints with the University community. acadmic freedom and freedom of speech, Perez, who was brought to campus by the microphone, slamming Mee Gente "Giving those whose obscure views religion and all else that is holy." Snipes. for insensitivity to all types of Latin might otherwise be stifled was impor Although Rod-Knee King stepped in, Perez asked Duke Studs Government Americans. "We wanted to remain calm, tant goal of the speakfest," said Local asking community members the simple if she could establish a Latinas With but this crosses the line," said Hector 243 Chair Heath BarCrunch. question: "Why can't we just get along," Attitude s organization, but members of Villanueva. "I am sick of this. I am just Tensions were high as soon as the optimism was not the word ofthe day. Mee Gente blocked the proposal after going to confine myself to House Si Si event kicked off. "You guys don't know But as President Ninny Coolhan said, Perez walked in the meeting eating a and forget about all this madness."
Margaret Sartor HOME \ $t*vict \rttn # April 5-Augusi 25, 199S 5l§ CAREER FAIR
Opening Reception Friday, March 31 • 10-2 Wednesday, April 5th, 5:00-7:00 p.m Center for Documentary Studies Upper Level Bryan Center Lyndfnirst House
• •..• Itianita Krcps Gallery Summer and Post-Graduation 1317 West Pettigrew Stiver Durham, North Carolina Opportunities in Community Service Hours: 9:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m.. Re presentatives from various groups will be on car n- Mond.iv through Friday JS. Summer opportunities include summer carr 919-660-3663 Pi P cc >unselor positions, the Markham Community OL t- re ach program, Student Action with Farmworke s, Urliversit y Partners, and work in Literacy educatio n. P< >st-graduation opportunities include Public Allie s, Pe ace Corps, Southern Community Partners, Institu te fo r Public Media Arts, VISTA, and Americorp.
Di an Poe from the Career Development Center will t >e or i hand with information about other programs and .0 ar swer questions about careers in community servic Williaw Noland nc>n-profits , and social change. GAMBLING W'e would like to market this as an alternative to tt e traditional career fairs held at Duke. FRIDAY. MARCH 31. 1995 THE CHOMICLE Weird Science 'Supermice' aid plans to take over world Science field By SYCOPHANTIUS PREMEDICUS supermice learned to read at the early Faster than a speeding bullet, stron age of 6 weeks from office copies of Uni revolutionized ger than the stench under the walkway, versity psychologist RedDog Williams' a new strain of transgenic supermice bestseller "What Makes Me Angry" and has become the secret weapon in the the less-known sequel "The Morning by discovery University's quest to dominate the Ivy After: Learning to Cope with Self-in From staff reports League. flicted Injuries." Three Unviersity post-docs and Non-teaching salary collector BobbBob Transgenesis is emerging as one ofthe some physicists joined 5,243 re Leftbehind has engineered a new strain largest new areas in contempoary re searchers in 122 countries Thursday of mice implanted with cross-species search. Scientists can implant mice em as researchers announced the dis chromosonal abnormalities. Members of bryos with human genes, teflon genes covery ofthe snurk. Leftbehind's team say the mice will be and Levi's genes to produce new strains able to infiltrate Ivy residential colleges, of mice able to perform a variety of Expected to revolutionize the field, emerging from the vine-covered build complex tasks. the snurk was discovered partly due to ings to launch a proletariat revolution. money spent at the University's Exorbi TAKEN AT THE LAST MINUTE The research has not been without tantly Expensive Electron Laser Lab, "The proof is in the pudding," said controversy, however, as members of empty since the cancellation ofthe last University president Non Kojones, who Unlike any mouse you've ever seen the American Family Science Associa six movies ofthe Star Wars trilogy. masterminded the plan from Wellesley kerflummox Ivy administration. tion plan to boycott insitutions using "The snurk transubstantiates the and played a crucial role in the rodents' "I am very, very pleased with the re- mice whose DNA includes Levi's genes shear modulus M model through its training. While the northern schools suits of this research. It is a very, very big because they say the strains target po astounding principles of coefficient re- struggle to cope with this unexpected step for the Medical Center as we enter tential applications of the research to fraction," said Duke physicist Vladimir menace, the University plans to launch the age of widespread managed care," homosexuals, thus contaminatinga tech Vladisnirfis, part ofthe problem. a campaign to become supreme academic said Dr. Rolf Spyderman, who recently nology with widespread influence with potentates for life. Undercover made headlines as he pioneered the vir small children and families. "That means he doesn't know what Dukeundergraduates posing as trans tual lab. "It takes up space and has a staff, it does either," Vladisnirfis' interpreter "Scientists who give their mice Levi's Patti O'Furniture, equally expatriate. fers to Brown have been assembling but I don't actually have to visit it!" are supporting the downfall of family teams of Providence Neo-Marxists to Spyderman said of his innovative idea. "The proof is in the pudding," said values," said Newt Gangrene, a sup the president formerly known as Nan. crunchify Harvard and Yale to further Raised in a small green test tube, the porter ofthe organization. SAM'S BEER BULLETIN
Available at Monster Records 306 West Franklin Street THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 Toolsma turns to concert career, abandons politics By TOOMUCH PUNCH For Toolsma, raised deep in the heart After 22 years on the fast track to the of Texas, the call ofthe stage was hard White House, one campus Republican to hear over the shreiking of the live has turned in the campaign stump for stock he raised in his family's poolside the concert stage. cabana. "I want one moment in time to be all "As a child, I was fixated on raising that I thought I could be," said Trinity hamsters. It taught me about truth, jus senior J.J. Toolsma, grand poobah of tice and the American way. I raised Duke Stupid Government. "And 1 think them, cared for them tenderly, and then this is good for Duke." sicked them on the highest bidder," As luck would have it, Toolsma's im Toolsma said. "I figured I was set for a promptu Tina Turner impression at an career in politics." elite charity bash last year got the at Pedro Guggenheim, the cabana boy tention of a visiting talent agent, Ms. who lived there alongside Toolsma's LacageAuxfolles. little creatures, was the one who first "I could tell this boy was destined for noted the one-time politician's musical the stage," said Auxfolles, who is the prowess. agent for such notables as Boy Georgie, "The boy, he was a natural," ITS THE REAL THING (WE SWEAR!|/THE CHOMICLE RuPawl and Michael Jack-sone. See TOOLSMA on page 19 r> J.J. Toolsma struts his Tina Turner impersonation. Fun Run turns ugly when Cocaine keeps on running
By BUBBA AND JENNY fore just cut in line. support her in these troubled times," ing to Duke. But when she caught word Last weekend's "I Ran to Iran and Upon entering Trent however, Nanoo Toolsma said. "Plus she still owes me that Liquid Pleasure would be playing Iraq and Back with Nanoo-Nanoo" event was attacked by angry students hurling that recommendation for law school, and on campus the following day, she took took a turn for the worse when Nanoo- new exercise equipment at her, and she I'll be damned if she's going to run her off like a semi-formal dress. Nanoo Cocaine just didn't stop running ran off down to 15-501. way out of that commitment." "I believe this event will promote in when she reached the finish line. "I finally realized how much people While on the road, she was ambushed teraction and enhance the intellectual The run was planned to begin on East hate me these days around campus," she by both Coach Kzwmcsdfsdroski and experience of undergraduate students, Campus and finish at the bathroom said. "After all, my residential plan is Grant Hill, who duked it out over who especially because they will have to buy stalls of Wallace Wade Stadium. But like a box of chocolates," she said. "You would get to sign her to a sneaker con Gatorade for my cross-country fun run when Nanoo arrived, there was such a never know what you're gonna get." tract. Bubba Hurley also wanted her to at Uncle Harry's," Cocaine said. long line for the bathrooms that she de Somewhere near Chapel Hill, a faith try on some way-cool ITZ's, but Toolsma Asked how having their president on cided to run over to North and use the ful band of DSG lackeys, organized by took him out with one punch. a cross-continental run would benefit bathrooms there, since no one important J.J. Toolsma, caught up with Nanoo. Nanoo said in her Chomicle interview students, Cocaine said, "The proof is in lives there anyway and she could there "We just wanted to show her that we that she was planning on never return the pudding."
THE MARKET PLACE ATTENTION: GRADUATE AND Restaurant & Wine Bar PROFESSIONAL STUDENTS Home of the Croissant Sandwich President Keohane will be speaking at the upcoming Graduate and Professional Student Council (GPSC) Chunk White Tuna meeting. Please join us to discuss graduate issues and Salad Plate concerns. Elections for the GPSC Executive Committee also will take $5.00 place at this meeeting. GPSC is the offficially-recognized —Take Outs Welcome— voice of all Duke graduate and professional students. Some 286-6699 of GPSC's functions include: nominating individuals to First Union Plaza - Erwin Square (two blocks from East Campus) many University-wide committees and Board of Trustee Serving Hours: Mon - Sat 11:00 - 0:00pm committees, preparing the graduate student handbook for New Location: 120 S. Churton St.. Historic Dowtown Hillsborough incoming students, drafting the basketball ticket policy, coordinating the campout and other social events, and You Can Get A Cheaper funding graduate student organizations and conferences. Haircut... You Can Get A Executive positions include: More Expensive Haircut... What You Can't Get Is A President Vice President Treasurer Executive Secretary Better Haircut! Corresponding Secretary Ombudsperson $2ooOFF Student Life Chair Community Service Chair any haircut Make your graduate experience count... get involved and make a difference! Students & Employees with I.D.
Date: April 3 at 7:00 p.m. Location: Room 208 Engineering (Hudson Hall) FRIDAY. MARCH 31. 1995 THE CHOMICLE Psi-Oos North Campus deemed U.N. violation seek Cone By HELI COPTER asked Koekane at Recently the administration and Uni the virtually un • NORTH from page 1 versity President Man Koekane have attended press give up his own tent so that funds come under fire by the United Nations conference in the would not be wasted on one pur and Human Rights Groups for what are future Kappa Sig chased by the University. apparently "inhumane" provisions in the common's room on Members ofthe men's basketball new Housing Plan anonymously ap Eden's Quad. team's coaching staff are already proved by the Board of Trustees in De A representa excited about the establishment of cember. tive of Amnesty the new quad. Acting head coach International and Pete Gaudette announced inten Apparently the controversy has arisen a visiting Chinese tions to serve as a faculty-in-resi- out ofthe fact that isolating sophomores Gulag adminis dence for the upcoming year. And in the Trent dormitory, some for a sec trator, both here Coach Krzyzqrxtuvski said that he ond consecutive year, may violate Article to observe North would order the building of a stone III, Section 8 ofthe Geneva Conventions, Campus, began to fireplace in the middle ofthe park which states that "students may not be laugh uncontrol ing lot — as well as a rocking chair housed within range ofa highway, heli lably. for himself — so he could deliver port and a major set of train tracks si weekly fireside chats to the quad's multaneously without appropriate repa When asked inhabitants. rations and medical care." for a response, Dr. Sicken Twisted, Upon hearing the news, the Psi head of the Sick Oopsilon Fraternity offered to move Upon hearing the accusations, ens medical facil its diminutive group into the "K- Koekane commented that she was ity, said "Vee have Quad" lottery if the University "genuinely shocked" and cited the new the fastest grow ASSORTED PRESS agreed to establish a DEC station aerobics room in her defense. "[Aerobics] ing and most in Newt Quad. Though they were enhances the freshman experience and A student struggles with survival on North Campus. prestigious facil- enticed by some ofthe other stipu helps foster a sense of community." lations ofthe quad plan, they were When pointed out that it was sopho ity here. Vee vere trained by the capable appears uncannily similar no matter unsure that the administration mores who would be living in Trent next hands of University Food Services and where one seems to find it, federal would be able to deliver on its prom year, and that they would be entirely cut vee are very proud of our record-break agents have uncovered an elaborate ises. off from the communities on both East ing ability to service students only four nutritional conspiracy at the University. and West campuses, she said that she days after their first phone call and our Apparently, in order to save money, all "Even with our recent decision to would prefer not to comment until after even more amazing new ability to diag of the macaroni and cheese on campus go co-ed, an opportunity like a date finals had begun. "The proof is in the nose students over ze phone as abso is cooked in enormous vats in the base with Miss Cone doesn't come along pudding," she added. lutely healthy veethout even listening ment of Heinous Annex (already rated often for one of us," said Psi-Oo to their symptoms." unfit for human habitation) and deliv President Atom Quark. "But how John Tokesma, Lame Duck President of Duke Scam Government (DSG), Meanwhile, the Food and Dorks Ad ered to the individual eateries on cam can we be certain that Kohane will pus via Duke Mail Service vans. come through for us?" added "Yeah. What she said." ministration has been investigating The University also came under scru complaints about some of the food on This discovery also offers insight as "The proof," Kohane said, "is in tiny for its lack of adequate and effec campus. Led by the observation that all to why it takes the Blue Devil "Express" the pudding." tive medical care. "What about Sickens?" ofthe macaroni and cheese on campus two weeks to get a letter across campus.
Duke Departments of Electrical Engineering and Computer Science CAMPUS ALCOHOL/ present STUDENT HEALTH INITIATIVE
The John Cocke Distinguished Speaker Series Duke Students, faculty, staff, alumni and trustees will be interviewed to discuss issues with related to alcohol and drug use on campus with a team of consultants during a three- day visit, April 2-4. Dr. Daniel Duchamp The team is visiting Duke as part of the Campus Alcohol/Student Health Initiative, a collaborative effort between the North Carolina Governor's Institute on Alcohol and Columbia University Substance Abuse Inc., and North Carolina colleges and universities.
Tlie initiative is designed to: assist administration, faculty and student leadership in their efforts "ROUTING TO MOBILE HOSTS" to promote a healthier and safer campus environment; encourage the entire university community to engage in concerted actions to address alcohol/drug-related risk-raking Monday, April 3, 1995 behaviors and attitudes; and to enhance the role ofthe campus student health services. 3:30 p.m. BOA North Building Dr. John Looney, a part-time Governor's Institute staff member, will lead a team of approximately 12 consultants. The 12 member consulting team has been drawn from other Reception in Room D243 LSRC Building at 3:00 pm colleges and universities. The team will include students and professionals who represent a Dan Duchamp is an Associate Professor of Computer Science at Columbia variety of areas such as college administrat ion. student life jnd student government, athletics, student health, substance abuse prevention and education, crime prevention, public relations University. His research interests are the many aspects of systems software and risk management. design for mobile computing, including: network protocols, file systems, operating systems, resource naming and location, application design tech After their visit, the team will use the information they have gathered from individual and niques, and user interface issues. For his initial efforts in this area, he has group interviews to make recommendations to President Keohane and the university been named an Office of Naval Research Young Investigator for the period community. The report is intended to provide ideas and advice for volunteer use by the 1993-1996. He received his Ph.D. in Computer Science from Carnegie- university, particularly for advocacy and action. Mellon University in 1988. He is a member of IEEE and ACM. While the Campus Alcohol/Student Health Initia ;i policy-making initiative, the Abstract team's visit to Duke is occurring while an internal i MSu'orking to foniuilate a new- alcohol policy. A necessary condition for "mobile computing" is to be able to communicate with a moving host. During the last four years several proposals for how Other schools that have already participated in the in uuive are No :h Carolina to route to mobile hosts have been made, and some have been implemented. Central University, the University of North Carolina t Charlotte ai d Davidson This talk will present one such proposal in depth, will compare some of the College as well as Washington ck Lee in Virginia. others to the first, and will point out future directions and research topics The Governor's Institute is a non-profit organization which promotes research, educa within the areas of routing to mobile hosts. tion and communication about substance abuse among health care professionals. The Institute receives support from state and federal agencies, North Carolina foundation-, The John Cocke Series is funded by IBM, RTP and private individuals. Bitch, moan, bitch, moan THE CHOMICLE Harsheed responds to student criticism MARCH 31, 1995 Dear Ed liters: Dont tell nobody I said that. Coch Smyth I am upset becuz of yur newspayper sed I cood get in lotta trouble if I say dat. befour the Dook versis UNC basketball Promis? game. I dont like peeple calling me Good. I dont want to get in trubble with Rush is right Cantreed. I can reed. I am riting this Coch Smyth. myself without even telling Coch Smyth. I want to win the NCAAAA in Cattle Chomicle confesses conservative side Just cuz I play baskitball, it dont meen I this week. You aint there cuz you aint cant reed. good enuff. If we win, Im going to take the People often accuse The Chomicle of at hard labor, they prove they can I go two collej. C, u hafta be smart to go trofee to Dook and hold it up in front of being nothing more than a liberal rag contribute significantly to American to collej. everybody. You wont like that. that spouts vague, Utopian platitudes society, they will be allowed back into I theenk I play baskitball real good. 1 When I go two the NBA, I will win a lot. regarding issues about which its edi the country under the close supervi miteplayintheNBAnextyeer,andIdont I want to play aginst Mikel Jordan since tors know little. This is untrue. To sion ofa government agency such as care what you say. Yur fanz are krazy. I he playd for Coch Smyth too. I theenk I prove that The Chomicle is actually the Organization to Relieve the Well- dont like playing baskitball at your skool. can beet him, but hees good too. the home of thoughtful conservatism, off of Every Listless Low-life. But we beet you this yeer. Ha Ha Ha! I Uh-oh. I hafta go each a plan for Cattle, we offer the following "lost edit,"which Second: Immigrants have been theenk you didnt like that, but I dont Washeengton. Im gonna win and mayk was quashed recently due to, um, space treated too well for too long, and those care. Dickee Vgo krazy. But not as krazy as yur considerations. not from European countries are es I theenk I will go to the NBA. They fans. And tell them to not call me Cantreed. A war for the soul of this nation is pecially difficult for Americans to deal want to pay me lots of money for playing currently raging in every aspect of with. Thus, all immigrants, legal and baskitball. They want to pay me moor Harsheed Waldiss American society. The cultural elite— illegal, who have come to the United than Coch Smyth does right now. Uh-oh. UNC Men's Basketball including the Clinton family, the edi States within the last lOyears, should tors of most major newspapers and be shipped back to their homelands. Nanny responds to student criticism every university professor under the This should not happen immediately, the first to break the glass ceiling at this age of 50—is slowly but inexorably of course: Before being forced to leave, For the past several months, I have read with dismay the letters in The largely male-dominated Southern cam undermining the values on which this they should all pay the federal gov Chomicle accusing me of ignoring stu pus. In short, nothing you people could great nation was founded. ernment back for any resources they dents' interests when crafting my resi possibly say could ever touch me. So stop have consumed while in this country. It's time for the federal government dential plan. I would like to take this trying. to take action. To this end, The Third: Crime's chokehold on the opportunity to set the record straight I do hope, however, that those of you Chomicle proposes three policy pro American people must end now. To and let the University community know not completely embittered by this new posals that were excluded from the stop this cycle of hopelessness, all how I feel about being subjected to these shift in the University's direction will Republicans' Contract with America those convicted of misdemeanors will hurtful character assassinations on such give the residential policy a chance next These suggestions are intended to be subject to an appropriate number a regular basis. year. Give it time, and perhaps you will address the three greatest threats to of blows by a rattan cane and immedi To wit: I do not care at all. Lest you all learn to love it. The proof, as they say, is American society: poor people, immi ately senttobootcampforseven years, have forgotten, I am the president of one in the pudding. grants and crime. So, without further where they will learn the true merits of the top-ranked universities in this ado, The Chomicle's addendums to of hard work and the importance of country. I am the second female presi Nanny Nanny Boo Boo the Contract with America: Judeo-Christian values. dent to head a major university, and am University president First: Poor people have always been Convicted felons will not get off so a drain on American society. If they easy. They will be forced to partici Div School prof responds to everyone work at all, it is in menial jobs for pate in battles fortheir freedom, which which they are paid far too much will include a variety of physical chal I have recently come under fire for my was boring. She believes that God is ($4.25 an hour to flip burgers?). If lenges, as well as an extensive drill actions regarding the tenure case of fel neither male nor female. I believe that God has a penis. A big one. they do not work, they simply stand at ing on the finer points of British lit low Divinity School professor Mary McClintblack Fulkerdaughter. Having As you can see, our differences are highway exits and panhandle for loose erature and celestial mechanics. Los remained silent for what I believe is far many, and because of this I did not, and change—hardly the kind of image our ers will be systematically eliminated; too long, I would like to take this oppor do not, believe that Mary McClintblack children should have to see on the winners will have one more chance to tunity to clear myself of any wrongdoing Fulkerdaughter has any place in the way to private school every morning. prove that they can contribute pro and explain the reasons for what I did. Divinity School. I stand firmly by my ductively to society. Thus, the federal government Fulkerdaughter is a woman, I am a actions, and believe that I made the should adopt a stringent welfare pro The Chomicle stands firmly behind man. She is a feminist. I have read "Iron right decision to violate the confidenti gram that gives all people at or below these proposals, and hopes that its John" 37 times. She uses critical theory ality of her tenure process. But she got the poverty line two years to find jobs readers will give them due consider in her research. I do not know what that tenure anyway, and that makes me mad. paying more than $25,000 a year, or ation. It's time to take back this coun means. She is on the cutting edge of See you in 1998. be shipped to Greenland, Iceland or try, and give our people a chance to scholarship in her field. I saw "The Cut some other Nordic country with much live, once and for all, the ever-elusive ting Edge" on video, but I don't like Floyd Grailey land and few people. If, after 10 years reality ofthe American dream. figure-skating too much and thought it School of Divinity
THE CHOMICLE He said it. No, really.
Crusty A, Super Sliiksa At no point did I lie to anyone. Al no point did I deceive anyone. Russell the Muscle, Parly Planner Trinity senior Rohit Kumar, president ofthe Duke chapter of Sigma Gamma Angier B. Duke, The Grown-up Delta Honor Society, on questions about the legitimacy of his organization Justtouchmy Dillpiekle, Purveyor of Vitriol
Sanjay 'Touch my' Bhutl, Slow and Steady Rosalita Mamacita, Fast and Furious Which Dan, man?, Jock Boy Christie Rules, Med Center/Wire Editor Yo! 'No more Bier, man', Director of Fluff Megan Trevertices, Measure for Measure Fall Girl, Butt-saver Dougie Fresh, Five-year Plan Want to write a guest eolumn? Why? Do you really think that anyone cares what you Tall Enough, Short '«' Perky Scotty Helper, Also a Client have to say? No, they don't. So fret a life, and stop hugging me. BUH-bye. Berry Pershy Bar, MIA Sue Knowssoniething.swedimno, Southern Belle Cathy RowanandMartin, Does it all Squirmin' German, Ad City Do it, or we hurt you: The Chomicle urges all of its readers to submit to Yo, Adrian!, Creative Chick Marry Weaves, Ops- Gary Sotall, Suave and Classy us completely, body and soul. But letters are cool, too, because we like to laugh at all the stupid things you say. Especially if you're a freshman. Letters must The Chomicle is published by people who are really liberal and like to play with your mind. The be submitted in iambic pentameter, translated into Balto-Finnic, written in opinions expressed in this newspaper are inspired by God. Unsigned editorials represent the views blood and not exceed 300 words, unless we think you have something interest of Justin. Brian. Tonya and Raj. Inane columns, lame letters and offensive cartoons absolutely ing to say. Which isn't likely. represent the views of Duke University and its students, workers, administrators and trustees. Phone Numbers: Editor: 1-900-BEASTFEET: Gnus/fluff: 1-900-SAVEMSCL; Jocks: ABC-DEFG; T'hey must be signed, dated and phone-numbered, so we cancallandmake fun Mafia HO: 1-900-GODFATHA: Spin Doctors: 1-900-SELLSELL: Classies: 1-900-WANTADS; Editorial of you. Also include your parents' number, so we can ask why they didn 't abort. Fax: 1-900-SEXMEUP: Ad Fax: 1-900-LUVMYCARPET. Editorial Office (Gnusroom): Hell; Biz Office: The Chomicle will not publish letters that are promotional in nature. Buy 207 Allen Building: Business and Advertising Office: 207 Allen 8uilding, Duke Looniversity. an ad, you cheap bastard. ©Yo Mama The Chomicle. Melrose Place. Derm, N.C. 90210. All wrongs deserved. No part of this The Chomicle reserves the right to edit letters for any reason whatsoever, publication may be reproduced in any form without the express, written consent of Major League Baseball- Violators will be hunted down and forced to join Sigma Gamma Delta. because it makes us feel important. Questions? Cal! Justin. He cares about people. FRIDAY. MARCH 31. 1995 THE CHOMICLE PAGE 13 Hi. I'm a columnist. You're cute. Wanna go out? Chomicle columnists get crazy with the Cheese Whiz
You've read their stuff, you've put up Hclpern: What are you, Beau incar Beau Queen: (In a weird sort of way, I with their elephantine egos and incessant nate? Jesus, why I am surrounded by kind of remind myself of Scott Baio's whining—now here's your chance to get Open forum? idiots. Charles [you know, strapping, attractive, inside the "minds" of those who pontifi Roget: Now when you use the term yet strangely undersexed].) cate daily in the pages of The Chomicle, as Chomicle columnists "idiot," to what exactly are you referring: Rothberg: Why does everything in this the editorial pages present "OpeiiBore'em Years" and "Family Ties"? Jesus Christ, I people's intelligence, their level of com discussion have to degenerate into sex? '95." know I'm a senior and get bitter about mon sense, their ability to use big terms We've got countries to colonize and na Justtouchmy Dill pickle: Issue one: Duke stuff like this, but really—you suck. like "fluid mosaic for should I say "pro tions to nuke! in the 21st century—plantation forever JessCowen: Yes! Suck! Just like frater saic") model'? Which is it, tough guy? Cowan: The answer must escape your or multicultural love-in? I ask you, Boutros nities, not understanding the voluminous Bury Pearimon: Hey, can't we all just testosterone-infested mind: Obsessed Boutros Rothberg... strictures that dictate our quotidian ex get along? I know: Let's all sit down, rub with their penises, men who are unable to Rothberg; Okay, here's how I see it: istence, suck the very life out of... my tummy and chant "Kumbaya." perform in bed channel that fear and With Korean troops mobilizing again and Blackviews: Shut up, whitey—I already Blackviews: Another theft of African insecurity into the oppression of women Islamic fundamentalists threatening said that. Just another example of Euro tradition! Grrrr... and small countries. It's afactof life—and Mom, apple pie and the American flag, I pean appropriation of African tradition Kneel Maytag: Actually, "Kumbaya" is of life at Duke! think the only solution we have to today's and culture. more ofa sound-bite than a tradition. By Dillpickle: Sorry, folks—that's all the growing international crisis is, I mean Quinn "Doublestuff" Mallet: Tell it, sis the way, have you ever really sat down time we have for today. I'd like to thank the only thing we can do if we want to ter! and thought about this whole "Charles in you all for coming. Join us tomorrow, maintain American hegemony in the New Blackviews: Shut up, whitey! Charge" thing? Imean, like Charles wasn't when our topic will be "David Hasselhoff: World Order, is— Mallet: Hey, I'm bl—forget it. 1 gotta' boning Jamie—whatever! [Singing] 20th Century Pop Icon or Beau Queen in Phil Pullme: Bite me, Rothberg. You get back to the section. "Charles in Charge, of my days, and my 10 years?" and your isolationist cronies should— Alex Roget: It's interesting that Mr. nights'? Please—Charles was in charge David Hasselhoff, Trinity '76 and star Tonya Blackviews; Shut up, honkies. Mallet brings up the section, because if ofthe sweet, sweet love of sitcom sex! of "Knight Rider"'and"Baywatch,':'isabig You don't know what fear is until you've we look back at what our original topic Klingon: Mmmm... Scott Baio... hit in Germany. Really. rode the A-train with my Nubian sisters. was, it seems obvious that the "section"— Down with Whitey! however one may define such a slippery ...THE Joe Martin-Landau: Tell it, sister! term—will prove essential to all Univer Whether it be the employees, the gays or sity discourse in the 21st century. pffiNrnyE people in favor of residential quads, the Johnny Micener: Yeah, and it's a little- oppression on the campus is sucking the known fact that "section" is from the very life out of Duke University! Right, Latin "section," meaning "section." Trust rt=i»EN Sister Tonya? me—I'm a doctor, and I play one with my Blackviews: Shut up, cracker. girlfriend. Dana "No, really, I'm a guy" Klingon: Cowen: Aaaaarrrrrgh! Do you white Hold on, there. Can't you just feel the pain men always insist on calling us "girls"? in this room? Can't you feel the love to Don't you see how that demeans us? night? Someone's inner child needs a little Micener: Sorry, sweetheart. lovin'... Myelin Giuswoman: Oh, that's so nice— Beau Queen: (I think I met my inner did you ever think of doing community child for the first time on a street in service? Chapel Hill [this may sound odd at first, Dave Beany: Ah, community service— but bear with mej—I was with |my, ha- did I ever tell you all about the time I ha | dad, and I looked at him for a moment dressed up as a homeless man and wan [albeit only a brief moment] and neither dered the streets of Atlanta, unsure where or us said it, but both of us knew... I was going and unsure of where I'd been, ScootHelpern: Knewwhat,Beau?That and I thought, as this feeling of warmth ,*r youVe a freakin' idiot? That you watched spread over me, that this was life, this way too many episodes of "The Wonder was truth, and— 'Duke's Little Destruction Book': Get yours today! 1. Go into the C.I. Make all the sorority chicks wait them. as you fill up a 64 oz. Coke cup with nonfat German 13. Number one rule of laundry room etiquette: chocolate fudge. Use all the sprinkles, and wash it When Rosie met... What's yours is mine. What's stained is yours. down with all the Volvic. Rosalita Mamacita 14. Instead of going to "I Ran with Nan," participate 2. When the student ticket-ripper at Quad Flix asks in "I Slamdanced with C.L Bob." you to throw out your pint of Ben and Jerry's before connected to your inner child. 15. Go out onto Clocktower Quad with a large bucket entering Griffith Theater, start an altercation. When 7. Sneak into the Coffeehouse and replace their CDs of soaked Chia Pet seeds. Spread them over all dirt he goes for the ice cream, pretend he just punched you with nothing but Michael Bolton and Boyz II Men. Do patches with a spatula. in the face and fall to the ^^__^_^_____ the same at WXDU. 16. Walk around Edens parking lot with a key chain ground screaming. File as 8. Stage a sit-in in front in your hands, looking like you've got somewhere to go. sault charges with the UJB. of Licks and refuse to See how long you can get people in cars to follow you Insist thatyou be represented 13. Number one rule of laundry budge until they bring around. by Rohit Kumar. room etiquette: What's yours is back nonfat cherry va 17. Go up to the cashier at the Lobby Shop and say, 3. Try to be admitted into mine. What's stained is yours. nilla. "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" the Language Dorm on the 9. Number-one rule of 18. Hide in one of the garbage bins on the West grounds that you're fluent in bus etiquette: No matter Campus quad. Whenever anyone walks by, whisper both pig Latin and Jive. I "Ey- what anyone says, you al loudly, "Hey, I'm a squirrel. Tm trapped in here. I can't hay, ive-jay other-bray: ow's-hay it-way angin'-hay?") ways have more work due this week than everyone else get out. Lend me a hand, man!" 4. Whenever you need cash for any reason, withdraw on the bus combined. Make sure everyone is clear on 19. When at the Burger King counter during peak the money 60 cents at a time from your food account by that before you let them get off the bus. hours, ask for some ketchup. When they give you some, sliding your Duke Card through a vending machine 10. Go to The Cafe at 7 a.m. Place your bookbag, a immediately stash the packets down your pants. Say, and then cancelling the transaction. book and a pen on one ofthe tables. Leave. Come back "Hey, where's my ketchup?" Repeat until carried away 5. When the SafeRides dispatcher refuses to get you at midnight and say loudly, "God, that was a long pee." by Public Safety or your pants burst, whichever comes a ride from the West Campus bus stop to the East 11. No matter who the men's basketball team is first. Campus bus stop because the buses are still running, playing in Cameron, all substitutions made by the 20. When talking to a friend who's on The Chomicle call back immediately and ask for a ride from the SAE opposing team should be acknowledged with "Oh no, staff, always say, "Hey, I liked your column" if they section to Jarvis. not Sullivan." Do this at football games as well. wrote an article. Say, "I liked your editorial" if they 6. When in class, answer all professors' questions 12. When selling books back to the Textbook Store, wrote a column. with "rm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces sneak in a few copies of Glamour magazine. If they Rosalita Mamacita is a tvandering minstrel without off me and sticks to you." If the professor gets mad, catch you, claim they were assigned texts for Introduc a lyre. If this makes sense toyou, stop hanging out at the claim your CAPS counselor wants you to grow more tion to Women's Studies and insist on being paid for Coffeehouse. THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY. MARCH 31. 1995 Comics
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briefly THE CHOMICLE Row-kqyM Scooby snacks: J.J. Toolsma Old man Withers: Post-It Kumar The Mystery Machine: No Kluhane Puppy power!: Paul La Choy Fred: David "SUCH my nip" Daphne: Kit Kat Fred and Daphne making out in the van: ..Alex Seinfeld Special guest star Phyllis Dlller: Devin Gummersall Shaggy: Doug Freebaser the runaway coal car: Jay Camcorder abandoned amusement park: Dorothy Gianturco, Melinda Silber If it weren't for those dang kids! Hungry like Lex Wolf, Jamie Smith, Ashley squared, George Juarez, Linda Jeng, Justin Knowles-all, Laura Weezer. Brandon Shorty, Crystal Waters, Sam Wineburgh Velma: Jen Farmer, Jaywalker, Viva la France, Sarah Carnival, Doug Freeride, Emily Homes and Garden, Lenny Kravitz, Ben Glenn got a pen?. Susan 8. Anthony Hopkins, Kathy McCue t lost my glasses!: Allison Screamsmore Highly classified:...,Erin Nies, Janet Malek, Daily Can"t think of...: Nancy McCalls anymore Scooby references: Rhonda sKyWalker
FRIDAY "Upper Crystal Mass Balance Consider ations in the Central Basin and Range" - Come hear RichardThigpen, General Coun Community Calendar Dr. Zeek Snow, Ca. Institute of Technol sel of the Carolina Panthers speak about ogy, 4:00 pm, 201 Old Chem. brrngingNFLfootball to the Carolinas. Fri., Dept. of Emergency Medicine, Med. Center Friends ofthe New Hope and Triangle Land March 31.1:30 pm. Rm. 3041 Law School. will present a 1 day symposium on "Volun Conservancy - hike in Duke Forest. 2 hours "Haydn's String Quartets and the Meta teering in the Developing World" - Dr. Paul easy walking. 489-5897. 2nd Annua! APA Heritage Month - movie phor of Conservation" - Gretchen A. Saba, Assoc. Prof.. Dept. of Medicine, has Wheelock, Eastman School of Music and presentation double feature of Hong Kong spent 2 months on the Ivory Coast as SUNDAY the Univ. of Rochester. Friday, March 31. action him director. Hohn Woo: "The Killer" medical director of a community health : : 3:30 pm. 104 Biddle Music Bldg. and" Hard Boiled" will be shown. Mary Lou project. Focus is on medicine in the devel-' Chishin Ryu Karate Club - orientation meet Williams Center. 9:00 pm. oping world. 7:30 am registration. Searle ing for new students. Southgate Gymna "Dissection of Systemic Acquired Resis Shabbat with Professor Marcia Lind "On Re Center. sium. 4:00 pm. For those interested in tance Signaling" - Dr, Urs Neueschwander, turning" . Hillel House. Alexander. 6 pm ser training over the summer. CSBA, Dept. of Molecular Genetics, RTP, vices, 7 pm dinner. Please call 684-6422. Working for Social Change: A Duke Tradition Friday, March 31. tO;OG • 11:30 am, Seventh Annual J. Mefosh Competition for - Contact Prof.. Bob Korsted, korsted LECTURES Room 140 , Bio. Sci.' Bldg. the best student paper on finite element opps.pubpol.duke.edu. 613-7355. to reg analysis hosted by the Dept. ot Civil and ister. Terry Sanford institute, ali day. Friday "Reductive Cleavage by Dissociative, Environmental Engineering. 660-5430- Stepwise and Associative Patnways: Ki 2nd Annual APA Heritage Month - movie "Authentication of Indigeneity of Amino Ac netics : and Thermodynamics of Radical presentation double feature from director ids in Meteorites and Fossils Using Stabte Anion Reactions" -Dr. Daniai D. M. Wayner, SATURDAY Wayne Wang: "Chan is Missing" and "Joy Isotopes" - Dr. Stephen Macko. Dept. of National Research Council, Canada, 3:30 Japanese Speech Contest - Von Canon Luck Club" 8:30 pm, Mary Lou Williams Environmental Sciences, umv. ui viigi-M..t. pm Fritz London Lecture Hall ofthe P.M. Hall. Bryan Ctr. 1:00 - 4:00 pm. Center, 12:45-1:45pm, Room 144, Biol, Sci. Bldg. •Gross Chem. Lab. FRIDAY. MARCH 31. 1995 THE CHOMICLE Classifieds
Announcements TRAVEL CLINIC TYPIST PUBLISHING Students traveling to any third world OUT OF THE BLUE is looking Part-time workers wanted lo hand Durh, u bl i s h in g con I pany seeks s u m ing. experienced person to provide country should contact the Duke Family female voices! Auditions sta prepare mailing labels. You must mer intern for electronic publishing op care in our home for inlant Medicine Center t6S4-3180)fora travel Signups al 8C Infodesk. Que have a typewriter, computer, or eration. Attention lo detail, computer startinginJuly.Musthenonsmokei publish an ad mat does n clink: appointment. Appointments should Call 613-0163. good handwriting. I m me di at e c skills, and interest in world Wide Web and provide own transportation. legitimate produ< be made 4-6 weeks prior to departure. and Internet a must. Stipend. Send re Competitive salary, generous vaca -cise caution before FREE FOOD!!! sume 10 Greg Sanders. Journalistic. Inc.. lion, plus other perks. Hours'. Mon- sending money to any advertiser. You 4905 Pine Cone Drive. Suite 2. Durham. day-Friday 8:15am-6:15 pm. Call Lis a FRIDAY NITE JAM Come and celebrate Hoii at t always justified In asking any ad NC 27707. weekdays from lOami 2pm or 6pm With Professor Marcia Lind at the Hillel INTERNATIONAL EMPLOYMENT - Earn tiser for references or in checking Campus Gazebo on Saturday. A 8pm at 489-0764. House. 311 Alexander. 6pm Shabbat up to $25J45/hr. teaching basic con it tne Better Business Bureau. 12-2pm. Sponsored by Diva. services. 7pm dinner. To RSVP. please versational English in Japan. Taiwan or RESEARCH ASSISTANT Should you believe there is a problem call 684-6422. S. Korea. No teaching bkgd. or Asian Loving person needed to ca • 'Ol ! • product advertised. SENIORS AND ALUMS Research assislantposilion available languages required. For info, call: (206) lant in May-June. N/S.refeie jr Business Manager ThePREBUSINESSHy to support Duke faculty member on a 6321146. em. J53602. preferred. Call 682 9110. tnat we can investi- CD LADY BLUE CD federally-sponsored environmental —The Chronicle. Take Lady Blue home with yoi. this . Office. 03 Allen Tues. Through Fri. on BC Walkway. Building. Get your ATTN: JOB SEEKERS! Looking for more familiarity with computers, and clear Services Offered PEOPLE NEEDED CD's and tapes available. than a 40 yr. sentence in Corporate America? Terrific opportunity to be your skills required. Position begins June Toe\ JUNIORS! JUNIORS! DISSERTATION PAPERS, resume p; 5K RUN!!! rjwn boss. No salary limits! 549-4440. 1995 and lasts for 15-18 months wiih porary positions M-F (day) 8:30am Get your PREBLlSlNESS pers. Great selection. Great price! SATURDAY. 4/1. Washington Duke possible extension. Salary and ben 3:45pm. evening: 5:00pm-10:15pm. day! Available in the Prebusi Full Circle Paper Outlet. Recycled o, Inn golf course. Men's race: 9:00am: efits. Send resume and transcript to $7/hr + incentive plan. Bachelor's ing Office. 03 Allen Building per specialists. Kroger Pla?; Women's race 3nd Fun Run: 9:30am. Piof. M.L. Miranda. Box 90245. SIPP. egree required. Wef rain. APPLYNOW Hillsborough Rd. 3090811. MANY PRIZES! Sponsored Oy Public >r project beginning March. (919) 563-8821. Policy Grad Students. Call Kevin (932- ;. 433 f. Summer in Maine- Camp Androscoggin 9374] for details. St. Durham. NC 27701. 683-2413. For Boys needs staff to teach tennis. Roommate Wanted Summer landscaping 3t private home. Pays $10/hr. For interview call Joan @ SOPHOMORES! photography, art and radio. Excellent (919) 563-8821 Female to share great 2BR/1&1/2BA Comm. Serv. Opportunity. Won\ with facilities on 125 acre lakeside campus. apartment close to West. Very large, nigh school students painting, scraping, Write or call collect 601 west St.. cheerful, nicely decorated, second landscaping. Sat. April 8. 9amnoon. earn research techniques that are on Harrison. NY 10528 (914) 835-5800. le regardless of grades, income or f 100 r. Avail a 0 le i m m ed iale ly or f or sum- Interested? Call Neal. 613-0670. le cutting edge of medical science! P/ parents' income. Let us help. Call mer. Short-term okay. S227.50/mo. student help needed NOW and for Stu dent F n a nc i a I Services: 1 -800-263- 3090329. 6495. ext. F53602. OFFICE SPACE? • biology lab in the Dept. of Does your group need office space? Surgery Contactor. Walter Koch @684- Roommate needed for next year. Applications at Info. Desk beginning AEPHI FORMAL **HOUSE COURSES** 2974 (Fax 684-8875). WASHINGTON DUKE House near East. One room avail Maich 29. Due April 12. NEW DEADLINE: Applications to Sat. April 1. Buses leave WCBS 8:45. INN AND GOLF CLUB. Durham's finest able for one or Iwo people. Call Rob: teach House Courses in Fall 1995 9:15 and 9:45. You must call Jeanette deluie hotel has openings for: recep 6130851. CAMP COUNSELORS; Durham private due APRIL17.Revised tionist, banquel set-up. dishwasher, wait daycamp. 6/128/11. Openings: PRO NOW AVAILABLE in 04 Allen Road race thru downtown Durham April staff, bus persons, reservationist (PT/ SUMMER SCHOOL? GRAM DIRECTOR (experienced camp 8. Benefits Durham Habitat 4 Humanity. EASTER BASKETS PM),benperson/van driver, maintenance professional) and Activies Specialists: Are you staying in Durham from mid- ACES & H-DEVIL? Info call Ben 613-1120. Send a basket to a friend on food. Order swimming, archery, music, tennis, ca May to mid-August? I need 3 room- While looking at ACES, check out The on BC Walkway April 3.4,5 from AEPhi. noeing. Will pay for certificate if neces service. Excellent benefit package. male for a Central Campus apart Healthy Devil Online. Ask questions Proceeds to AIDS research. sary. Call (910) 292-6420. Please appfy in person. 3001 Cameron ment. Please call Allison. 613-0556. Id beyond ACES and look Blvd.. Durham. NC 27706. EOE M/F/H/ ERWIN SQUARE lestions and answers already i chip in fair amount if you h; HEMPFEST 95 PAPAS GRILL . Access The Healthy Devil Sat, April 1.5-9pm, Coffeehouse. Legs Seeking M/F recent grads or grad/ Experienced waitstaff needed. Good Online on the Duke Home Page via 3. Call Jamie. 416-0258. SSTELEMARKETINGSS Netscape. Mosaic. Lynx or Wet). If salary, apply in person. Loehmann's Easy Phone work for various fundraising triple. $250/mo. Call Scott at 286- problems accessing, e-mail Plaza, 1821 Hillandale Rd.. 383-8502. LIFE 101 campaigns. Experience preferred, but 3562. [email protected]. What they don't teach you in school. ALL win train those willing to leam. FT/PT. CLASSES ARE FREE. Thurs. 3/30. Ital •POLITICAL SCIENCE* ideal forstudents. Share toplloor 2BR apt. Duke Manor. BASKETBALL ian Cooking. Watch, leam, and eat! Fri. Pre-registration student-faculty recep ees. Call 688-7546. Pool, transit free. Available early May. aon: Walltown Community Center 3/31, First Aid/CPR. Get certified! FREE tion! Monday, April 3. 4-5pm, Mary rent $203+utilities. Close to West. participating in DUNKIN' FOR TRAINING! Sat.4/1. Sportsbroadcasting Call 383 7572. Lou Williams Center (below U-Room). Durham waters ports dealer is looking 4 Truly the opportunity of a lifetime DURHAM II. Sign up ASAP to play in on Radio. Meet 12:30 on Baseball field. served. Discuss Pall assistants in its marine dept. Sales, National company expanding in Tri le 3-on-3 tournament on April 1. buy Juggling, 2:30-4pm. upper level Bryan with professors. light maintenance required. Great perks! angle area, looking for 5 self-moti neat t shirt and buy $i raffle ticket Center. Call 684-2911 for times and TIGERSHAFfK DEMOS! Call Waterwortd vated. goaioriented people. Chance See page 16 • > win great prizes, visit BC walkway places. Sponsored by Duke Univ. Union to travel and eam BIG BUCKS! C; TODAY. Sponsored by Class Of 1997. Interaction Committee. Meetings 8720056. RALLY IN DC! HOUSING ON WEST!!! DEFEND YOURSELF First and second shift desk c Dutch Village Inn. 4 or 5 days Are you a team player, highly motivated, Rally tor women's lives! Organizational Independent males wanting to five Learn Japanese style karate. Will be Study/work in a relaxed atmo; lover of people, lover ol ihe outdoors? niversity of crfliiomi. meeting Friday 3/31. 2pm Women's AEII (Clocktower Quad] next year. < training over summer. Organizational $6/hr. Contact Tommy Kilpatric The Great Outdoor Provision Co. is com. Center. Call Selden @ 684-3897 for tact Marc (613-0071). Preference gi meeting Sunday April 2. Southgate ing to Durham in May! Looking for a santa cru/. Gymnasium, 4:00pm. summertime/part-time job in the school OVERNIGHT CARE year? Come to the Northgate Mail Man agement Office (Customer Service Desk Social Events Clean, sober, non-smoking person to will direct you) on Wednesday. April 15. share house with elderly gentleman in 1995 from noon to 9pm. Bring resume, West Durham. Free room and board in references, and an essay on "What SUDEAWAY exchange for your responsible presence Characteristics Make an Effective Retail To the Hideaway. BANDS. RAFFLE. overnight. Hours roughly Spm to Sam. Sales As soc ia le?" Q. uestion s? Ca 11 Ju lee. Co PRIZES. For Children's Cancer Research most weekends mostly off. Can sleep, 8331741. Qi)u)ti\eT THE CHRONICLE lpm to lam, Saturday, April 1st. but must be easily wakeable for any emergency. Health care student pre ferred, but good person, good refer Child Care Bus. Opportunities ences more important than professional classified advertising aspirations. Send letterand/orresumee to Benton family: 2018 Pershing St. Sweet, funioving. nurturing and depend Need some extra money? P/T job not basic rates Durham. 37705 or call K. Benton @ able bnuysitter needed lor one-yearold cutting it? Call for exciting opportunity CrS^v&n $4.50 (per day) for the first 15 words or less. 383-6994. girt and on occasion, sis year old boy. s w/some real income potential! Flex, time: Mon. 8 5. Wed. and Fri. 8 3. Some flex 10* (per day) for each additional word. 549-4440. ibility for Tues. and Thurs. appreciated if 3 or 4 consecutive insertions-10% off. 1-DAY JOB necessary. Occasional late afternoon, . 5 or more consecutive insertions-20% off. Experienced student needed as projec- evening and weekend hours. Starting Help Wanted 1 over 100 courses in 30 lionist 7:30am-4:30pm on Sat. April 8. mid April. Car needed. Nor smoker, rc-l special features 1995. $7.00/hr. Call Joan. 684-6629 erences. Call after 3pm. 968-6418. disciplines offered in r jobs! All land/water sports. two intensive five- (Combinations accepted.) > Children's Camps Adirondack $1.00 extra per day for All Bold Words. ins, near Lake Placid. 1800 week sessions $1.50 extra per day for a Bold Heading (maximum 15 spaces.) DO YOU HAVE A SISTER? 00 YOU HAVE A BROTHER? * $2.00 extra per day for a Boxed Ad. B sets o We are recruiting sets of sisters $ ession 1 to participate in air pollution ted by deadline TWINS, TWINS, TWINS research conducted by UNC and EPA. You 6/26 -7/28 EPA. You and your sister must ry, 18 to 1 business day prior to publication by 12:00 noon Are you a twin? We are loohinR be healthy, no smoking history, 35. no m tor sets of identical and fraternal Session % payment IB to 35, no more that 3 years ial earn! gs from twins to participate in air pollu apart in age. Potential earnings 7/31 ~ 9/1 Prepayment is required. tion research conducted by UNC from S130 to S160 each plus Cash, check or Duke IR accepted. travel expenses. Call* 29-9993 no smoking history, 18 to 35. Call 929-9993 llongd Slanc e may ca collect) # (We cannot make change for cash payments.) Potential earnings from $130 to (Long distance call collect) 24-hour drop off locations S160 each plus tiavel expenses, • Bryan Center Intermediate level Call 929-9993 ©uestions? • 101 W. Union Building A Collection of • 3rd floor Flowers Building City Artifacts and Call: 408/459-2524 Fax: 408/459-3070 or mail to: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Memorabilia Chronicle Classifieds Write/Stop by: MONEY ESHELMAN PO Box 90858, Durham, NC 27708. UCSC Surnmer Sessio: Thinking of you always Street Signs • Stop Lights • Custom 105 Classroom Unit phone orders: and especially on April Made Signs • Office Equipment • Fire Santa Cruz, CA 95066 call (919) 684 - 3476 to place your ad. Visa, 1st. Hope it is a fun day. MasterCard accepted. Hydrants • Computers • Parking Wish we were at Duke to Meters • City Logo T-shirts, Hats, celebrate with you. Pens etc. • Surplus Cars, Trucks, etc. Call 684-3476 if you have questions about classifieds. Lowe Mom, Dad, Keith, No refunds or cancellations after first insertion deadline. and Mando 1100 N. Alston at Corner of Gilbert St. • 560-4536 THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY, MARCH 31. 1995
• From page 15 LOSE WEIGHT FOR SUMMER! After3 kids, I lost 23 pounds, went from a 9 Pre-meds protest, demand For American Dance Festival students to a 3 in 8 wks w/o diets/cr-jfis/ and faculty. Call 684 6402 to list your exercise. All-natural product, simple, •r. Duke house/apartment lor June and July easy, guaranteed! Kelly: 732-0823. lor his home/Studio. Will teach. 1 1/ rental. Close proximity to Easl Campus North Campus dormitory 2 miles from campus Good neighbor GRADUATING? hood, affordable, comfortable. Avail- ;irire immediately. Male FALL?SUMMER SUBLET preferred. Call 1-800-482 5082. • FILLER from page 3 message. Campus Oaks summer or fall suble two bedrooms, non-smoking. Amy. . Plus, we'll save on demolition costs — 2251 or Ida. .1-2609. "They're only sopho Rooms for Rent at this point Trent and Hanes could be mores! Who gives a Duke faculty couole £ on the cutting edge of medical s demolished with a straw and a strong house for summer sublc ence. Work-Study position avail al imished room for rent pair of lungs." 1. Call 4169314, in the Dept of Surgery to assist li shit?" with private bath. Kitchen and laundry molecularcardiovascularbiologylal Many pre-med students stormed nnviltriy.-s. Prefer female gradual stu ralory. Call Dr. Walter Koch @ 6! Kojones' office wearing lab goggles and dents. $50O/mo.. utilities included Real Estate Sales 2974 (Fax: 684-8875), Lawn Finesse, senior iprice negotiable). Close to Duke, avail bearing forceps on Thursday to protest vice president for illicit Cniirrning new home ;/•-•'• WE'RE ALL TOOLS! their isolation from the Medical Center 18th fairway of Treyburn Country CluO Betsy's Hall in GA 9394: Let's ge Facilities. "We want to be a convenient affairs features three bedrooms, two baths. together! Friday March 31.6:30pm a Apts. for Rent 18' ceilings in living and dining rooms .0230 meters away from the hospital," Sal's! Call 613 1115 to RSVP. cried Library Overuse Council President SUMMER SUBLET Iwanna Beadocyktr. "Non is slowing our career path!" roaches on North Campus," said Slava After threatening to style Kojones' Aminal, president of Students for the hair with dull scalpels, the president Ethical Treatment of Creepy Insects. relented and agreed to house the Life "The waste will provide nourishment -PS MAJORS, STUDENTS* Sciences dorm on North, a decision re equal to that which students give to at endol Pickett Rd. Cancel il rain. Open Political Science Dept. pre registry these very special creatures. We're all Houses Sat. and Sun. 2-4. Price tion discussion ol tali courses v/ith ceived with joy by the students. Houses for Rent 1310,000. Nancy F'owicr Realty. G88 professors. Monday. April 3. 4 5pm. "Hooray!" Beadocyktor exclaimed God's creatures, you know." 7777, Mary Lou Williams Center. Refresh upon hearing the news. "We can be close The decision about the landfill is fi
Townhouse near Duke. 2BR/1.5BA, to bedpans and decomposing waste. It nal, even if Kojones' decision about resi Deck, Appl. $65,000. Call owner, 403- TRAVEL CLINIC will be a veritable cornucopia of biologi dential life is not, Finesse said. "If Non 8227. Students traveling to any third world cal sciences." changes her mind, we can always just country should contact the Duke Fam The pre-meds weren't the only student move the sophomores in with the medi Misc. For Sale ily Medicine Center (685-3180) for a CLOSE TO EAST group happy with the decision. "This will cal waste and the county's trash," he
COUCH AND CHAIR provide a wonderful environment for the said. "After all — they're only sopho lor sale matching. Excellent quality. I yr. unusually large population of cock- mores! Who gives a shit?" olO. EXTREMELY comlortaOle-especially GAY & CATHOLIC? for napping! Black with pattern, throw Dignity/Triangle (LesBiGay Cat holicsl pillows included, Asteal 1250. Call416 will galher for mass and potiuck sup 0258. leave message. Mhiclg Qf<@vld lifyg b® feharvX-ill Wh@ spgrtfc ih/ueh Wanted to Rent per in Durham .....Sunday. . 6:30pm , Call TV Ch Personals feiitwari's l efforii piwidirv'g us {^it>h tlt< huifMT'OTS maferria/. LOSE AN EARTHMUG? , Free pregnancy tests. Confidental m the East Campus Quad oi VV: caring help in a crisis. Pregnancy Monday, March 20? Call Doug at.. Jll n,ev"er/©rg-eTj fall. "Bega-lkf, &€ v/®fi% rleah ri|h,b. Support Services. 490-0203. [0622
FORMALS & PARTIES REMEMBERING BONHOEFFER Duke Chapel is planning a scries of events to commemorate the fiftieth anniversary ofthe martyrdom of Dietrich Bonhoeffer by the Nazis. Need a ride to the Sunday, April 2 and April 9,9:45 a.m., Windy City... Room 211 Old Divinity Bldg. New York City... Specialty Series of lectures by the Reverend Dr. William B. Gould or Siler City? Flowers, on the life, work, resistance, and martyrdom of Find it fast in the 3ouwnnieres Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Duke Divinity School is offering a Cmornae and 6iASS/Ff£DS/// special seminar, April 20-22. Call the office of Corsages Divinity School Continuing Education (660-3448) Call 684-3476 today! for details. (FAX: 684-8295) Sunday, April 23, the Reverend Dr. Eberhardt Bcthge, Berlin, Germany, friend and fellow VISA/MasterCard/Rex 286-1802 or Nazi resistor with Bonhoeffer will preach at the Cash/Check acceptd. - 286-5640 11:00 a.m. Service of Worship in Duke Chapel. 700 Ninth Street
Relative HONGKONG L-cl F nRd [-1 tw _^^H a Ivttuti til ti •able for ® D.J. plays latest European dance I SU ing jewt Iry. t ts and. ink music, hip hop, disco and techno. Lrehi ruin's | 1 wM nt course, i me. nc $40.00 PW.i W From 9 Bar serves Beer, Wine Coolers, X 1 Minata ouke Hosp. t BB Umvi sin Mull * 15-501 Hyp ss&Willm Drive Sangria and other drinks. SB 1 Cha? 1 Hill - K >rrh ( •nil HI ri Entrance is at the bottom of the Rat in the Bryan Center. 479 8339 or 471-3982 • 3003 Guess Rd. 1 967 8964 2 Macks Norlh of |.«s FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 THH CHOMICLE Faculty dispute revised graduation speaker policy
• SPEAKER from page 1 liberal notion of an interactive arts and But Trinity senior Chair of the sciences education. The proof will be in Commencekissass Committee David "The proof will be in the pudding." the pudding," she said. Karwax said he supports the decision. Nevertheless, Kahones' sentiments "I think it really changes the way we President Non Kahones were not universally endorsed by her think about graduation in a number of administration. "We really have to ques good ways," Karwax said. "I also think tion what this says about the role of fac that when the students think about it, Jamie Jameson. "Does this mean we About the new contract, Legendevans ulty at a research institution," said Roy this contract will be viewed as a posi have to listen to some physics dude talk had this to say: "Of course I'd welcome Winer. "Professors should be spending tive move." When asked what types of about quantum theory before we toss any opportunity to hear myself talk for time in the lab or in the field conduct ways the decision will prove worthwhile, our caps in the air?" an extended period of time. But that ing research, perhaps working on a com Karwax was busy writing and conduct Indeed such might be the case, as doesn't mean I support the contract— mittee, but not advising, not drinking ing an ode to the president. Larry Legendevans, chair ofthe phys that would be sort of hypocritical of a coffee with undergraduates and cer But most undergraduates did not fa ics department has already launched a research professor." tainly not delivering commencement vor the decision. "This is the biggest cop campaign to be graduation speaker for Kahones, however, stressed many addresses. I am starting to believe that out the administration has ever the class of'97. "I resent that student's other positives that will stem from the this university must rethink its mis dreamed up," said Trinity freshman remark," he said, referring to Jameson. recent decision. "I think this furthers the sion."
Q CADDY PGA Golf Instruction j; SHACK available through 6911 Mt. Herman Church Rd. arkets Durham, NC 27705 383-0695 Golf Academy OPEN 10am- 'til 9:00 pm inagement 10am -5pm Oversized STUDIES Weekday Irons An Interdisciplinary Certificate Program Special Cavity Back Fall 1995 Perimeter Weighted 3toPW Core and Elective Courses Buy 1 Reg. Bucket, Get! Sm. Bucket FREE from Core Courses (100 Balls for S5.00) $175.00 Org. & Global Competitiveness TuTh 9:IOam-10:25 W10.31I GerelTi, 0. Organizations And Environment MW 2:20pm-3:35 W9.I29 Harris. C. Organizations and Management MWF 10:30am-ll:20 W9.129 Zhou. X. Markets and Marketing MWF 9:10am-10:00 W6.1I6 Spenner. K.I. Entrepreneurship MWF ]:IOpm-2:00 W9.126 Boone. D. SOC 190 Markets and Management .01 W 7:00pm-9:30 W9.259 Spenner. K. .02 MW 3:55pm-5:10 W10.220 Janoski, T.E. Elective Courses ECO 134.01 Japanese Economy and History TTh 9:l0am-10:25 WI0.224 Brolenbrenner ECO 142S.01 Chinese Economy In Transition TTh 2:15pm-3:30 W10.214 Yang, D.T. ECO 188.01 Industrial Organization OPEN FOR DINNER 7 DAYS A WEEK MW 2:20pm-3:35 W 10.224 Peretto, P.F. Reservations - 489-2669 ECO 189.01 Business in Government Fri & Sat 4:30-11:00 pm • Sun 4:30-10:30 TTh 2:15pm-3:30 W10.31I Vernon. J.M. * Mon-Thurs 5:00-10:30 • EDU 140.01 The Psychology of Work Tu 3:50pm-6:20 EA.202 Ballanlyne, R.H. 3644 Chapel Hill Blvd., Durham IDC 112S.01 Topics in Science and Technology and Human Values Tu 7:00pm.9:30 W9.128 Vesilind. PA MS 120 Managerial Effectiveness Duke University Chapei .01 TTh 2:15pm-3:30 W10.I1I Studer-Ellis. E. .02 TTh I2:40pm-1:55 WI0.1II Tuchinskv. MB Black Campus Ministries MS 161 Marketing Management .01 TTh 9; 10am-10:25 WI0.1I1 Boone, D.S. Weekly Worship Service .02 TTh 10:55am-12:10 WI0.I1I Esculas. J A.E. PS 113.01 International Political Economy Services are celebrated in the TTh 10:55am-12:10 W65.I1I Grieco. J.M. vernacular of the "Black Church" PPS 145D Leadership, Policy and Change Sunday, April 2 • 7:00 pm .01 TTh 2:I5pm-3:30 W25.05 Payne. B.L. W 5:30pm-6:30 W25.I50 Chancel area of .02 " TTh 2:15pm-3:30 W25.05 Payne. B.L Duke University Chape! W 7:O0pm-8:O0 W25.04 .03 TTh 2:l5pm-MO W25.05 Payne. B.L. Preacher: W 9:00pm-10:00 W25.224 Reverend Brenda Klrton .04 TTh 2:15pm-3:30 W25.05 Payne. B L. Campus Minister, BCM Tu 5:30pm-6:3O W25.05 .05 TTh 2:l5pm-3:30 W25.05 Payne. B.L. Music: Tu 7:00pm-8:00 W25.04 Modern Black Mass Choir REI. 151.01 Ethical Issues In Social Change and Public Policy TTh 2:15pm-3:30 W3.228 McCollough. T.E. For further information, call 684-6519. SOC 141 Consuming Passions MW 3:55pm-5:l() W9.129 Wilson. J. Al! are Welcome. THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 Van bombed to protest China Inn on points policy • SPEED from page 1 speak for this Jack person," Scarlett said, "but as for myself, I'm about to stain my shorts with jelly biscuit." With that, Scarlett knew he had to find someplace to drive unobstructed by traffic and headed for th*. Durham Freeway. But as Scarlett drove down the freeway's on-ramp, Public Safely chief Jimmy Dean radioed Scarlett: •'Scarlett, this freeway isn't finished!" Scarlett thought for a moment, set his brow, and had another jelly bis cuit. He then decided, what the hey, I never get to have any fun in this van, set the cruise control and started a food fight with the students in his charge. Before Scarlett even realized what had happened, Jimmy Dean had taken matters into his own hands, yelling "Go, go, Gadget wings!" into his watch and causing the van to easily sail over the stretch of unfinished freeway and land smoothly on Campus Drive. For the next three hours, Scarlett did wheelies down Flowers Drive, tore up the turf on the football field, and mowed down drunken students in Edens parking lot. Domino's Pizza was so impressed they have since offered him a spot on their delivery team, while one Public Safety officer got confused and thought he had spotted O.J. The electrical engineering majors' union held an emergency session to figure out how to defuse the bomb, but that meeting quickly devolved into a ses sion of laughing about Trinity students. The catastro phe finally came to an end when Scarlett's wife, Rhett, insisted that she be allowed to board the van, saying, LOOKIN1 FOR ID/CLWMATION PETERSON "If you think my husband's pissed now, wait until you Scarlette O'Hare survived a wild ride in his SafeRides van Thursday night. see him in a jelly biscuit withdrawl." Jimmy Dean com plied, and, after trading sausage biscuit recipes with chored herself to the underside ofthe car with her teeth said, "I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for Rhett, escorted her to the top of the James B. Duke clenched around the muffler. She wedged her biscuit those dang blasted senior citizens and their jelly bis statue on East Campus, from which she dived atop between the bomb's circuit wire and fuse box, causing cuits!" Scarlett's runaway van as it sped past. the jelly to ooze out ofthe biscuit and short circuit the It is believed that Peterson rigged the van to pro After handing Scarlett a fresh box of biscuits through fuse. "The proof is in the pudding," Nanny Coldhands test the University's refusal to put China Inn on points. the window, Rhett kept one biscuit tucked in her belt, noted sagely. "He just loved their Kung Pao chicken so much," said shimmied down the side of the van, and finally an- In a press statement after the incident, Peterson a teary-eyed Animation Peterson, Claymations' father.
7th Annual Chase Manhattan Fuqua MBA Games 5K Run Freewater Presentations The Friday film series continues with. for Special Olympics EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN (1994. 123m., d. Ang Lee; with Sylvia Chang, Winston Chao. Sihung Lung) 3, director ot The Wedding Banquet, deliciousl* creates the story of a lather, Mr. Chu, who has lost his jole Saturday, April 8 • 8 am vivre. A great man in the outside world, but at home his three daughters attempt to escape his Influence, e weekly Sunday dinner is a terrible ordeal lor the entire family as tensions increase and everyone loses their Corner of Rte. 751 & Science Dr. w",es' March 31, 7 & 9:30—Griffith Film Theater (Duke University, West Campus) FREE - to Duke students with ID; All others, $3.00 For application send THE ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN self-addressed stamped (1989. 126m.. d. Terry Gilliam; with John Neville. Lima Thurman) envelope to: mty Python's Terry Gilliam creates an eccentric fantasy world with an ingenious liar who can't resist Entry Fees: $12 before April 7 MBA Games Midnight—Griffith Film Theater c/o 1302 Oakland Ave. $15 day of race Free to all. Durham, NC 27705 Registration starts at 6:30 am
Geology 41 Geology 151: Global Change ACES #115794 The Dynamic Earth Aces #115710 TTh 12:40-1:55 Instructor: Duncan Heron Instructor: Paul Baker
• Natural and anthropogenic environmental changes... climatic changes ofthe recent past and those predicted for the near future... population The EaiTh's dynamic systems s S OF YEARS ACQ growth, biodiversity, energy • Sea-floor spreading and plate tectonics and the related earthquakes and \to\caruc activity. • 5'jrface dynamics of weathering and erosion including the action of streams, glaciers, and the wind. and mineral resources, water ••. lamics inclining waves, tides, circulation and interaction with the shore. al aspects of the dynamic systems are covered were appropriate. resources, and soil erosion. The class meets on MWF at 11:50-12:40. FRIDAY. MARCH 31. 1995 THE CHOMICLE Toolsma thrilled by Tone Deaf signing agreement
• TOOLSMA from page 10 "I've always said, 'Stand by your man.' Guggenheim said. "He has a gift. The Now I can sing it!" she giggled. way he sang the hamsters to sleep each Toolsma and Auxfolles are planning night, it's like he makes love to the mi his first worldwide concert tour. The first crophone. I told him that someday he site of the tour will the Astroturf Dome would be a star, just like that Liberace— in his home town of Houston. maybe even Air Supply if he played his "I just hope that people will recognize cards right." me," Toolsma says, "because my agent Toolsma says he is excited about his is making me change my name for pub entrance into the entertainment busi licity purposes. I will from henceforth DUKE EARTH AND ness. be known as 'the artist formerly known "I just signed a two year contract with as Toolsma.' But don't let my new name Tone Deaf Records. They are the same throw you—I'm still the same old tool." OCEAN SCIENCES label who signed my idol, that singing University officials who have worked The Departmenl of Geology is offering a number of courses which cover a wide range of sensation, Michael Boltonedeaf, I know with Toolsma in his post as DSG grand topics in the Earth and Ocean and Environmental Sciences. Courses offered Fall 1995 my future lies here, in the recording stu pubah wished him the best. elude: dio, not on Capitol Hill." "I think J.J. could be splendid on the LeadHead Ferrett, Toolsma's longtime stage," said Precedent-ignorer Inane girlfriend, is equally thrilled by her Cocaine. Dismissing scepticism about Geo 10S Analysis of Outcrops beau's sudden popularity on the musi Toolsma's musical future, she said, "The Boudreau F 2:00-5:00 Aces #115703 cal circuit. proof is in the pudding." Field Interpretation ol geologic leainres: four lield trips. Geo 41 The Dynamic Earth Heron. MWF 11:50-12:40 Aces #115710 Earth composition. earthquakes, si reams, glaciers, groundwater, oceans, mountain Kluhane looks forward to building, continental drift, and their environmental influence. Geo 435 Applied Geologic Principles lots of hoops touchdowns Staff. M 3:55-6:00 Aces #115717 Th 2:15-4:15 Aces #115724 1/2 credit course, companion to Geo 41: involves hands on study of common minerals and rocks and aerial photo, topographic and geologic map reading and interpretation. • DECISION from page 1 sports was that those preppies sure did "Crowd support for our team, particu Geo 53 Intro, to Oceanography like to do crew." larly when they hit a touchdown, is Corliss/Lozier/Searles. 1TH 2:15-3:30 Aces #115731 However, she says the process has splendid." Integration of biology, chemistry, geology and physics ofthe ocean: exploring animal and helped her understand more about the As for those who doubt Kluhane's com plant diversity, ocean circulation, coastal erosion and the origin of the sea. impact of Division I athletics, and she mitment to the basketball program, Geo 112 Tropical Marine Geology plans to attend more games in the fu- "The proof is in the pudding," she s Perkins. TTH 10:55-12:10 Aces BI 15766 Interaction between organisms, sediments, depositiona! processes, and environments of deposition in the shallow tropical marine selling,coral reefs lo tidal flats in the South Florida and Caribbean oceans.
Geo IIS Beaches and Coasts: Life is a Beach? I'ilkcy/Heron. TTH 2:15-3:30 Aces #115773 Paid Advertising How beaches work...how the offshore system works and interacts with beaches...the role of winter storms, hurricanes and other catastrophes in coastal evolution...coastal Internship engineering: can we halt erosion and al what price? Geo 121 The Surface of the Earth Half, TH 3:50-6:20 Aces #1 15787 The Chronicle is accepting applications for Introduction to geo morphology, the study of landscapes and the role of physical, chemical and biological processes on the nature and constitution ol Ihe earth's surface. Many two Advertising Account Assistants. environmental issues of concern today are influenced and conditioned al some stage by Internships are for one year, beginning in May. geomorphic processes, Responsibilities include service and solicitation of accounts Geo 151 Global Change Baker. TTH 12:40-1:55 Aces #115794 in Durham and Chapel Hill and working directly with Natural and anthropogenic environmental changes...climatic changes ofthe recent past and those predicted for the near future...population growth, biodiversity, energy and clients. Clerical support for the account representatives will mineral resources, water resources, and .soil erosion. also be required. Candidates should be customer service oriented with excellent organizational, communications, Graduate and Upper Level Undergraduates Geo 200 Beach and Coastal Processes and time management skills. Ptlkey. T 5:30-8:30 Aces # 115864 Survey and discussion ofthe geologic literatim concerning beaches, dunes, barrier islands, sail marshes, rocky coasts, quanlilalii [• modeling, coastal engineering and coasiai Benefits conservation and storm damage mitigation. Professional sales experience on campus Geo 201 Physical Processes/Coastal Environments floivtl (Beaufort Campus) Learn principles of ad design and copy writing Introduction to linear wave theory and surf/.one citrren i ol biological and Opportunities for advancement geological processes ocrurrin.i; in shallow coastal waters Geo 205S Geological Oceanography Corliss/Klein/Staff (tjeauforl Campus) Three major topics: evolution ol oceanic crust and oceanic basins [emphasizing marine Requirements geology and geophysics); arcuinulaiion ol oceanic sediments and the record of oceanic and • Must have own transportation climatic history lemphasi/iim biological and chemical oceanography]: waves, tides and ncarshore sedimentary processes (emphasizing physical oceanography. Kick! and • Work 20 hours per week dining the summer laboratory studies will be an integral part of Ihe course.
and 10-12 hours per week during the academic year Geo 221 Hydrology Rojstaczer, MWF 10:30-11:20 Aces #115885 Theoretical basis for How and transport of fluids in the subsurface with application to THE CHRONICLE geologic processes. The Duke Community's Daily Newspaper Geo 250 Mathematical Methods in Geology Applications may be picked up at 101 West Union Building Malin/Rojstaczer/Lozier, MWF 11:50-12:40 Aces #115899 Quantitative tools and methods in the earth and environmental sciences: vector calculus. For additional information call 684-3811 differential equations, statistics, numerical and approximation methods. THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY. MARCH 31, 1995 Walk Down Memory L A Duke
Are these pictures out of order? Dean Wittig miraculously appears to get younger throughout the passage of time.
Kotter came back with a new haircut Now and a new name: Dean Roy Weintraub.
Associate registrar Harry Demik, from suave to sophisticate. ai
Dean White's hair: stable for 17 years.
A071 Proudly presents our newly Book Sale at Perkins Library initiated members of 1995.
Sale Hours for the Duke Community: ColleeWelcomn Barnes Judy Goldeen SistersAshley Murchiso!n Thursday, March 30. 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Emily Boyce Nancy Graham Lauren Peterman Jessica Budnitz Whitney Greene LisaPohl Sale Hours for the General Public: Paula Cattaneo Abby Huggins Kimberely Pressley KaraRassi Friday. March 31, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Amanda Crowe Lisa Hunter Annette Denoyer Jen Jaconetti Lynn Schoenherr Michelle Schwartz Prices Reduced at 12 noon on Friday Rachel Eggebeen Amy Kantipong Loren Eisenstat Courtney King Betsy Scott Door Prizes Courtesy of Duke Press and Suzanne Elliot Amy Kuhl Harriet Scott Jenny Feltham Sarah Lamb NoraSigurani Library Development Office Bergen Folsom Julie Lauer Jenny Snodgrass Kerry Garland Meg McCullough Joanna Steinberg Use entrance closest to Chapel Quad Jennifer Gilmore Tinsley Miller Courtney Waters and follow signs. Colleen Mitchell
Geology 112: Tropical Marine Geology Geology 53: Instructor: R.D. Perkins Introduction
Discover the fascinating world of plants, animals, to Oceanography sediments, and depostional environments in the shallow-marine setting of South Florida ond the Aces#115731 Caribbean. Examine the role of organisms as TTH 2:15-3:30 producers and destroyers of sediment. Environments Instructors: examined range from tidal flats to coral reefs. Apply Searles/Lozier/Corliss modern assemblages and sedimentary processes to interpreting the rock record of Pleistocene iimestones of the region. Prerequisites; Geology 41 and Biology 201 or 21L or Two-thirds Dt' our planet forth is covered with water. The oceans abound with life, play an consent of instructor. integral role in our global climate and have a huge impact on our shorelines. This course, which integrates the biology, chemistry, geology and physics or the ocean, explores such topics as animal and plant diversity, ocean circulation, coastal erosion and the origin of the sea. A KL T-TH 10:55-12:10 highlight of the course is weekend trip to Duke's Marine Laboratory in Beaufort, NC. Students %jjj£ Aces #115766 trek across Shackfcford Island and explore the local waters and beaches of Bogue Sound. FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 THECHUMKI-E ane With Your Favorit Celebs
In the time between these two pictures, Dean Wilson discovered the neck tie.
Larry Evans spent four years working on that smile. Then
Brothers tragically separated at birth: id George Gopen and William O'Barr.
Dean Sue always cut her long hair before we could get a picture.
CASINO INIGHT GMAT PREPARATION CLASS _ An Interactive Charity Events Gain the Advantage!!! f Sponsoring Saturday, April 1 Organizations 9 to 2 am [_ Affordable Classes, ONLY $320 AOA Mi Qente IM Building ASA Panhel d Quality Instruction BSA Of Admission: $3 Food, Flex, Class of jiftA [_ Weeknight or Saturday Classes begin Soon 1998 IN Experienced Dealers xa SOCA DSG Spectrum Free Food DIA ex Over $ 1500 in Prizes DUKE UNIVERSITY IFC Womens DJ, Dance Floor Office of Continuing Education and University Summer Programs KI Coalition $40, 000 Light Show V, *>••-••-) CALL 684-3379 TODAY TO REGISTER! All proceeds donated to Volunteers For Youth Summer
Geology 115 New Course • Geology 121 Beaches and Coasts: Life is a Beach? The Surface of the Earth Instructors Orrin Pilkey and Duncar Heron Thursday 3:50-6:20 • Aces #115787 Aces #115733 Foil 1995 1- life beach? Take ihis rourse ai il Tiiul the iK-t>a rmgraphir anil _?olo. i rvtituti n ofb^-hcs, Iwmcp island Hint other couital types. Th-- niiiiia.'iii m iron me lit* i> i'iu[ilui-l/i'il Go to clio licaeii on a 4 .lav field trip ui 1 „r for yours.-!.. The .la S lll.-.t- (HI TlKS.hn 1111(1 Til•s
THE NINTH ANNUAL VARSITY JAPANESE CHEERLEADING SPEECH CONTEST & MASCOT will be held on Saturday, April 1,1995 1:00-4:00 p.m. in Von Canon Hall, Bryan Center TRYOUTS! Duke West Campus PROGRAM INCLUDES: © Speech Contest MANDATORY Four levels, with 5 contestants at each level INFORMATIONAL Finalists selected from Regional Universities MEETING © Presentation of Prizes © Reception Monday Night SPONSORS INCLUDE: Asian/Pacific Studies Institute and the College of Arts April 3rd and Sciences, Duke University North Carolina Japan Center, North Carolina State University in Cameron Mitsubishi Semiconductor America, Inc. The Japan Foundation at 6:30 PM Kobe Steel, USA, Inc. Sumitomo Electric I.ightware Corp.
FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL: THERESA JONES-WARD 489-3223 PAM TERAN 493-5822 OPEN TO THE PUBLIC
EXPERIENCE THE EARTH IN THE CLASSROOM AND OUTDOORS Office Space? Register Now For Fall Geology Courses! Is Your Group DSG Recognized? A number of geology courses are suitable to satisfy the Do You Need Office Space? requirements in the Natural Sciences area of knowledge. They include: • Geology 41. Introduction to Geology The DUU Facilities Committee is (Aces #115710) accepting applications for office space. • Geology 53 Introduction to Oceanography (Aces #115731) They will be available at the B.C. • Geology 105 Fundamentals of Mineralogy Information Desk beginning March 29. (Aces #115738) • Geology 110 Stratigraphy and Sedimentology (Aces #115752) AH Applications Must • Geology 112 Tropical Marine Geology (Aces #115766) Be Turned Into The Union • Geology 115 Beaches and Coasts: Life's A Beach? Office by 12pm, Wednesday, (Aces #115773) • Geology 121 The Surface of the Earth April 12. (Aces #115787) • Geology 151 Global Change (Aces #115794) Other elementary courses of interest are: • Geology 1 OS Analysis of Outcrops Questions? • Geology 43S Application of Geologic Principles Call Facilities at 684-2911 FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 THE CHOMICLE No sports news today It's Final Four time, BAYBEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! By RICHARD Z. VITALE Four as well. Quite an accomplishment Club," or, "650 Club" SEATTLE—It's my favorite time of for a man who wakes up in cold sweats as it were. But the year again, baby, it's March Madness, three nights a week because he sees main man, the one and you know what that means, that himself running around a track with with all the experience means it's my favorite time of year! It Octogenarian John Wooden 350 yards for the Tar Heels is also means fanfare, excitement, buzzer in front of him and stretching his lead. Donald Williams. If he beaters, cheerleaders, pep bands, great "Sometimes I even think he's going to lights it up like he did players and you got it baby, more air lap me," Hardluck has told his psycholo in '93, the Heels could time than you've ever dreamed of for gist. I mean for cryin' out loud, this team be on their way to glory; ME!! And on the road to Seattle we've couldn't even beat Tulsa in the first i f he becomes the brick had all of it, and this weekend, I, and my round last year. Who even knows where layer he was in '94, it's colleagues and all the competitors ex Tulsa is? back to Tobacco Road pect much more of it. Let's get this party But this year may be theyear Hardluck for Smyth and his boys, started!!! makes up some yards on his god-like where they'd join tra First, as always, we've got the predecessor. With a speed demon like ditional Final Fourfix- Cinderella, the team with the dream Tieus Edney and the Slamminobannon ture Duke. season trying to fit into that glass slip brothers on the wings, running is cer "It really doesn't per, Oklahoma State University. The tainly one of UCLA's strong points. seem the same with Cowboys are led into this year's stam And what about that Ottoman oaf in out Mike here," said pede by their shepherd Eddie "Moses" the middle? Gheorghe Zidek is the Euro "Silly" Billee Packers Sittin. Sittin is hoping to part the seas of pean answer to Big Country, but can he yesterday at a press the Great Northwest and lead his 'Boys compete with the cow-milking kid from conference. "It's kinda to the promised land. But he'll definitely Gans, Okla.? I doubt it, "cause if it weren't like eating an oreo need a huge performance from his "Hick for hoops, he'd be a sandbag for the without the cream." from the Heartland," Big Country Bryan Serbian army. Anything but cream Reves. The only thing this guy does Now let's travel to the other side ofthe puffs is this year's better than milk a scoreboard is milk bracket, where we've got our marquis cream of the crop, Big Bessie back on the farm. match-up, the battle ofthe Rolls Royces, Norespect Still, this guy is sensational, a PTPer— the main course for the black tie evening, Richardson's Arkan he's big, he's dumb, but who cares, he our jelly donut in a sea of powder...uh, sas Razorbacks. Like can play!! where was Igoingwith this... OH YEAH, cream, they rose to the But Cinderella, if they want to get to its Arkansas-UNC baby!!!! top last year, and look the midnight ball, will have to first es Deano Smyth has got his Tar Heels in for them to do it again cape from the evil step-mother, UCLA. the big dance yet again, and this time he's if Scotty Thurmanstat That's right, believe it or not Jim brought a legion of illiterates with him. can catch fire, or at Coach K won't be dancing at the Big Dance, baby, but Hardluck managed not only to get his Rasheed Wallis and Jerry Stackhome least draw Antonio he's still the maestro, the big cheese, the straw that stirs Bruins into the Sweet 16, but the Final make up the modern version ofthe "700 See 4 on page 24 >- the drink, the head honcho, BABY!!! Sportsfilth Pete Godot's basketball: It's a sure winner Betty Latener?: Former Duke The sequel has finally arrived. In an to the Sitters. star Christian Latener has an attempt to reproduce the success of Duke The ball-handling duties for the Sit nounced his engagement to Betty head coach Mike Krzyzyzyzyzyzy's Sega From the cheap ters fell into the hands of Kenny Crocker, the Minneapolis/St. Paul video game, restricted-earnings coach seats water boy Blakeknee-socks. And I fell into a state Star-Tribune-Ledger-Gazette dis and budding entrepreneur Pete Godot of disbelief, so I called a timeout for the closed Thursday. has created his own Sega basketball throwing heat spell Sitters. During the timeout, King Dug "Now that I'm out-of college, I've game entitled "Godot: Let's Get a Vic mapped out a behind-the-back three- got to cook every night and take tory." As interactive entertainment edi ing bee just get to point shot for Christen; meanwhile, Sit care of my dogs while making sure tor of The Chomicle, I was fortunate ter center Greg Fignewton peeked into that my house doesn't burn down," enough to attain a copy of the game the stupid column Coach Godot's huddle to copy the play Latener said. "I've found that I love before its release to the general public. for his team. how Betty helps me very much." After discarding the wrapping ofthe already please A steal and subsequent trademark box, I encountered instructions for both Sega Critic dunk by Starter forward Ricky Priceless Knix disband: The New York Knix, the game and for the Heimlich maneu off the inbounds pass put the first points still smarting from Michael ver (to be used at the end of close games). ofthe game on the board. Following his Yourdone's 55 points Tuesday night, To my surprise, I discovered that all of ofthe ball. dunk, Priceless began trash-talking to decided to call a halt to the season the games are intra-squad. But Coach It took me only a few seconds, how the Sitters' towel boy. Christen even and disband the franchise, the club Godot was quick to explain to me, "The ever, to realize that the offense of the became so excited after the dunk that he announced Thursday. intra-squad format is the most effective Sitters was centered primarily around began to yell and hug Priceless, but he "Forget this, it's hopeless," said way to ensure a Duke victory in every King Dug's prodigal son, Christen. I soon realized that he was not a Starter. Knix coach Pat WhyMe. "With that game." must admit, however, that the variety of In this intense "defensive struggle," I jerk back now, we're screwed. We're With the cartridge inserted, I was on plays drawn up for the Prince was quite had apparently lost track of time, for going to lose first round ofthe play my way... or so I thought. The Starters,. impressive: off-balance 38-foot shot for only 10 seconds remained in the game offs to the Bulls anyway, so we coached by Godot, donned royal blue Christen, clear out and isolation for after Priceless' dunk. I called another might as well just quit now." uniforms, while the Sitters, coached by Christen, dribble penetration for Chris timeout to set up a final play in hopes of ten, cheerleading by Christen (cart Knix star Patrick Youing would infamous father King Dug Colons, were sending this game into OT. dressed to impress in the traditional wheels, flips and all). But play was once The ball was triggered into not comment, but teammate John again delayed as Christen was hit with "Worst Nightmare" Starks certainly white. As the teams made their way to Wojotwinkiski, who was not heavily the court, the eternally injured Stan a technical foul from the referees for guarded at all by the Starters. would. excessive orgasmic outbursts, appar "I can guard him! I can guard him! Bunsenburner lagged behind in his new "OK, Wojotwinki, time to make your designer Armani (suit #47, for those ently a result ofthe new Gatorade cups move," I exclaimed. "Why don'tyou move Lemme try! Come on, man, he's not he noticed on the sideline. that good! I can guard him! Please, keeping count at home). toward the basket!? Stop movingaround give me one more chance, please! I The tip was set between the Chief and The technical foul gave possession to the perimeter! These damn controllers won't mess up!" Starks insisted, be Steve Wojotwinkiski and the game was the Starters. Jeff "Very" Capable brought don't work!" fore breaking down into tears. underway. Unfortunately, though, the ball up the court and delivered a And with that, I threw down my con Wojotwinkiski's head knocked the crisp pass to Erik Meequal. But techni troller in disgust and stomped out ofthe cal snafus continued to plague the conti SAT problems?: Deano Smyth Chiefs ribs during the jump, resulting room. In the background, I could hear in a concussion for Wojotwinkiski and nuity of the game. "Hey, my Meequal Coach Godot's voice: "Wanna rematch?... has the answer. Just enroll in his man won't stand up... I keep pressing new class called "Marginal Qualifi cracked ribs for the captain. The former I'm undefeated, baby!" would return, the latter would not. In the 'A'button,buthe keeps falling down," Sega Critic is a Trinity senior and ers: How to get them over the I moaned. Too late. A travel call on hump." Call 1-NOGRADUATS. any event, play resumed after a brief assistant critic of everybody for The delay, with the Sitters retaining control Meequal turned the ball overonce again Chomicle. THE CHOMICLE FRIDAY, MARCH 31. 1995 Baby, I live Despite loving Faulkner, Foil goes By T.S. ELIOT Jock "Toss me a" Bruen. "Did Foiled. I help him with his decision? for all this That's what Adonal says he is. And Well, uhh, I guess I did tell who can blame him, anyway? him that the Patriot League Adonal Foil, the 6-9, 240 freshman was kind of a farm league for stuff, baby! manchild for the Coldgate Red Flamers, NBA stars. But his guard • 4 from page 23 has declared for the NBA draft, saying, ians helped him, too, I swear. Lange off the bench in Phoenix. Seri "I have nothing left to prove on the And he's good at thinking for ously though, with all the talent these college level." himself." guys have, I will be surprised ifany of Foil's decision was a bit ofa surprise, "Yeah, we helped him," Jay the other three can dethrone King considering only a year ago he chose Meddle said. "Who the hell do Corliss and Company. That is, the Coldgate over Duke and Syracuse be you think makes all his deci only team left that can beat Arkan cause of"academi c reasons." At the time, sions, anyway? Who do you sas, is Arkansas. he said he was as "interested in reading think it was that told him Duke "We're going to give UNC and prob Faulkner as in playing basketball." was on probation for academic ably UCLA our infamous '40 minutes "I wanted to read Faulkner, and my improprieties? Who do you of hell,' and if they can survive it, guardians told me there was Faulkner at think told him Perkins Library then kudos to them. But I doubt it. I Coldgate," said Foil, who moved to the had no Faulkner? Who do you seriously doubt it," Richardson said. U.S. afew years ago with Coldgate profes think told him Duke was If Smyth, Stackhome and the gang sors Jay and Joan Meddle, his legal guard named after that fictional dog have anything to say about it, it might ians. "If there's Faulkner at Duke, I have Marmaduke? Who do you be three hours of heil in the friendly never been told about it. I made the right think got $20,000 for deliver skies on a one-way trip back to decision, 'cause I sure love Faulkner." ing him to Coldgate? Fayetteville for Norespectand the boys. However, Foil also admitted that he is "Oops...was that all on the Either way, this weekend should tired of being surrounded by four 6-5 record?" be exciting—we've got former na white guys with crew cuts every time he You bet it was, Jay. But no tional champs, we've got tons of tra gets the ball. And, considering he had 27 harm done. dition, the requisite Cinderella and a doubie-doubies thi s year, he said he thinks "They're still myguardians, Theseguys may not be Adonal Foil, but they' whole mess of hillbillies. I know I'll be he's ready to become an NBA all-star. and they're the ones that in- there. You should be too...baby. "He's promised me 10 percent of his troduced me to Faulkner, and I'll love Faulkner, I love Faulkner, NBA earnings," said Coldgate head coach them forever," Foil said. "They found me both them and Faulkner."
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