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126 YEARS OF SERVING UNC STUDENTS AND THE UNIVERSITY WEDNESDAY, APRIL 24, 2019 VOLUME 127, ISSUE 22 How the first-year experience is different when you’re 17 Coming to UNC as a minor everyone,” Ward said. “I think hav- ing an earlier exposure to that defi- creates a different experience nitely changed who I am at my core for some first-years. a little more than it would have if I had stayed at my high school for By Suzanne Blake an extra year.” Senior Writer There are both benefits and drawbacks to a life as a younger First-year Logan Anderson is student at UNC. more than ready for Aug. 3. On Senior Maya Kapoor was accept- this day, months after his first year ed into UNC when she was 16 years at UNC concludes, Anderson will old and began attending at the age finally be 18. of 17. Coming to UNC, first-years Kapoor said that professors undergo many transitions and sometimes doubt her capabilities challenges, but Anderson is a part and have expectations that she will of a small group of students who be more immature when they find face the initial changes of college out her age. life as minors. “You’re definitely missing out “It’s kind of a novelty,” Anderson on part of your childhood,” Kapoor said. “It’s always entertaining when said. “That’s for sure. But the ben - people find out I’m not 18, just efit is that you get out early. I think because of their reactions.” because I’m younger, even though Anderson came to UNC a year some people have lower expecta - early because he completed kinder- tions, that can be an advantage garten and first grade in the same because then you can really show year in elementary school. off and do something.” Although Anderson’s parents For Anderson, paperwork has ultimately decided his fate in com- been a main struggle as a 17-year- ing to college early, senior Mallory old UNC student. Ward is one student who elected He said he had to explain why he to go to college a year earlier when had not signed up for the Selective she chose to complete high school Service and then prove it twice, in three years instead of four. first when initially applying for DTH/HANNA WONDMAGEGN For Ward, who will soon attend financial aid, and again after the Mallory Ward, 20, (left) and Logan Anderson, 17, pose on the steps of the FedEx Global Education Center, April 22. law school, the process to gradu - federal government shutdown ate high school early was an uphill caused the University to lose his having that extra time with me,” ed her the time and the freedom battle, with a discouraging guid - previous information. Kapoor said. to switch her course of study from “It’s always entertaining ance counselor and a forced parent “There’s a lot of things that have Ward’s parents supported her the pre-med path to the Peace, when people find out I’m meeting with her district’s Board been harder,” Anderson said. “The decision, but she still felt singled War and Defense major and plan not 18.” of Education to demonstrate that biggest difference is there just seems out in certain situations at UNC. for law school. Ward was emotionally ready to be to be a lot more paperwork thrown As a 17-year-old first-year nav- “I don’t think I’d change it,” Logan Anderson at college. my way, coming from random places igating the college dating world, Ward said. “For a while, when I First-Year UNC student Once at UNC though, Ward said because of my age.” Ward said she found that some first got here, and I was younger waited another year, I don’t think I that being a year younger allowed The costs can also come for family students were reluctant to date than everyone else, I thought about would have had as much energy or her greater flexibility in life plan- members of young college students, upon finding out her age. it and I was like, ‘Wow, I wonder willingness to explore the different ning. She also feels that she changed including Kapoor’s. But Ward sees numerous bene- what my first-year experience things at UNC.” a lot more during college than her “My mom has often said that if fits to her decision as well. Since would have been like if I had been peers did. she could go back, she would not let she will graduate at age 20, Ward 18.’ But I graduate in a month and @DTH_UDesk “There’s so much to learn from me skip a grade because she missed said that coming in early provid - looking back on it, I think that if I [email protected] activist wants to expose ‘pattern Five-star guard Cole of police abuse’ with body cam footage Anthony commits to UNC By Ryan Wilcox sion to attend ,” Mark Porlides was arrested Assistant Sports Editor head coach Roy Williams said in a team release. “He is one of the most during a December Better late than never. complete point guards I have ever demonstration. After being one of the last uncom- recruited. He has all the physical mitted top-ranked players in his class, skills, but he has a competitiveness, By Casey Quam five-star point guard Cole Anthony a toughness and a savvy that I really Staff Writer will play for North Carolina in 2019- like. I first saw him as a ninth-grader 20, he announced Tuesday morning and since then he has gotten better History graduate student and on ESPN’s Get Up. Anthony is ranked and better and I know he will contin- anti-Silent Sam activist Mark Porlides, third among high school seniors and ue to improve. He comes from a great who was arrested during a December is the top high school combo guard in family. His parents (Greg Anthony demonstration, played the police body the country, according to 247Sports. and Crystal McCrary-McGuire) are cam footage during a presentation on Anthony, who is averaging 18 very involved in his life and are fan- Monday in Greenlaw Hall. points, 9.8 rebounds and 9.5 assists tastic people.” Porlides began by explaining for Oak Hill Academy, picked the Tar As the son of former NBA veteran the details of his arrest and show- Heels over Notre Dame, Georgetown Greg Anthony, the New York, N.Y., ing the body cam footage. Then, and Oregon. product will help strengthen a UNC another anti-Silent Sam advocate, “I want to thank all the schools team that lost its top five scorers Lindsay Ayling spoke more broadly that have recruited me and I had my from the 2018-2019 team. Anthony on the nature of police brutality and final four, but at the end of the day will also bolster a backcourt that pro-Confederate movements. I’m going to end up going with North includes the likes of Seventh Woods, All of Porlides’ charges stemming Carolina,” Anthony told ESPN’s Get Brandon Robinson and Leaky Black, from his arrest have been dismissed, DTH/HARPER SWING Up. “We really pushed this decision who averaged a combined 33.0 min- but he showed the body cam foot- Graduate student Mark Porlides shows the body cam footage of his arrest back a lot, we really kept looking at utes per game this season. age to persuade the audience that during a Dec. 4, 2018 protest to the Faculty Executive Committee on April 22. all the schools, and I always winded Anthony joins a class of incoming his case “reflects a larger pattern of up going back to Carolina.” first-years comprised of Armando police abuse, a deliberate pattern.” arrested him immediately. One officer tells Porlides to let go of Anthony played himself into rar- Bacot, a five-star center from He said he is not making the video He was charged for resisting, his body camera, and Porlides holds ified air by sweeping awards at the Bradenton, Fla., and Jeremiah publicly available because his face delaying or obstructing arrest, his hands above his shoulders and year’s three biggest high school bas- Francis, a three-star point guard can be clearly seen. assault on a government official repeatedly says his hands are up. ketball showcases. He captured MVP from Pickerington, Ohio. Porlides was at a rally on Dec. and larceny for the alleged attempt “I can say with certainty, in the of the McDonald’s All-American The Tar Heels will look to follow 3, protesting the proposed South to steal a police body camera. moment, I pulled away. I didn’t Game and the Nike Hoop Summit up a season in which they captured a Campus building to house Silent Sam In the video, officers can be seen know what was happening, I was earlier this year and earned co-MVP share of the ACC regular-season title – a plan that has since been scrapped. moving from Graham Memorial Hall kind of scared and pulled away. honors at the Jordan Brand Classic and fell in the Sweet 16 of the NCAA He said a group of officers ran toward to Silent Sam’s former location, quick- on Saturday. Tournament to Auburn. him, grabbed him from behind and ly approaching and grabbing Porlides. SEE BODY CAM FOOTAGE, PAGE 7 “We’re thrilled with Cole’s deci- [email protected] I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper and I was free. INDIGO GIRLS 2 Wednesday, April 24, 2019 News The Daily Established 1893 Tar Heal Paws dog retires after 2 years 125 years of editorial freedom RACHEL JONES By Maydha Devarajan little brief time, at least, that it makes EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Staff Writer it worthwhile.” [email protected] Jodie Skoff, Tar Heal Paws vol - BAILEY ALDRIDGE Earlier this month, one long- unteer coordinator, said that since MANAGING EDITOR time volunteer made his last visit to 2015, the program has expanded to [email protected] UNC Hospitals: 12-year-old golden allow them to take on more teams SARAH LUNDGREN retriever Shep. and to place therapy dogs in different ONLINE MANAGING EDITOR For the past two years, the thera- areas of the hospital. [email protected] py dog Shep has been volunteering “We didn’t used to have dogs that at UNC as a part of the Tar Heal would go into the neural ICU, and MARIA ELENA VIZCAINO Paws program, alongside his owner now we have a dog that goes there DIRECTOR OF ENTERPRISE Bill White. weekly,” Skoff said. “That would [email protected] They joined the program in have been unheard of a number of MYAH WARD February 2017, after hearing about years ago.” UNIVERSITY EDITOR a Rex Hospital therapy dog from White said he and Shep largely [email protected] a friend who felt Shep could make spent time in the N.C. Cancer and ANNA POGARCIC a similar impact. White and Shep UNC Children’s Hospitals, places he CITY, STATE & NATIONAL EDITOR were first certified by national ther- said “seemed like a good fit” for his [email protected] apy organization Pet Partners, and team. Aside from acting as therapy MOLLY LOOMAN then underwent a separate training dogs for patients, both Skoff and ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR to volunteer at UNC as a Tar Heal White said the dogs can have a sig- [email protected] Paws therapy dog. nificant impact on staff as well. “Shep passed the test with flying “Anytime a therapy dog appears CHRIS HILBURN-TRENKLE PHOTO COURTESY OF JENNA MILLER SPORTS EDITOR colors. I think I barely passed,” White on our unit, it’s just this like weird [email protected] said. “He’s just so laid back and calm magnet of people, whether that’s For the past two years, therapy dog Shep has been volunteering at UNC that he had no trouble with that.” patients or staff or whomever, head as a part of the Tar Heal Paws program, alongside his owner Bill White. HALEY HODGES White, who adopted Shep when in that direction,” said Mallory Lexa, DESIGN & GRAPHICS EDITOR he was eight weeks old, said Shep’s a clinical nurse on the oncology floor Lexa also noted that the dogs Shep retire from the program [email protected] personality and “gentle soul” made at the Cancer Hospital. serve as a unique and simple thera- because he noticed his mobility EMILY CAROLINE SARTIN him a particularly good therapy dog. Lexa said these moments can offer py for patients. was slowing. TARYN REVOIR “I really don’t think he has a a respite in an otherwise busy and “It’s not another transporter in “I hated it,” White said. “I actually PHOTO EDITORS mean bone in his body, I’ve never difficult day. the room to take them to a CT, it’s think he enjoyed doing what he did, [email protected] really seen him react in a negative “Whether it’s Shep or any other not physical therapy in the room I really do. But I just think it was MADDY ARROWOOD way toward another person or even therapy dog, it’s just this fun little to work them out when they’re time for his sake.” COPY CHIEF & SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER another dog,” White said. “He’s just moment in time and your busy 12, already really tired, it’s not your Although Shep’s time as a vol - [email protected] got a really good nature about him.” 13, 14-hour shift that just brings nurse to hand you more pills,” Lexa unteer at UNC Hospitals has He said he felt the time he has a smile to a lot of people’s faces,” said. “So when that dog walks in ended, White said he hopes to per- Mail and Office: 109 E. Franklin St. spent at UNC Hospitals with Shep, Lexa said. the door it’s just, ‘Oh my goodness, haps train his son’s young golden Chapel Hill, NC 27514 while challenging, has been “cer - Skoff also said that, apart from a dog in my room.’” retriever, Cheese. Rachel Jones, editor-in-chief, 962-4086 Advertising & Business, 962-1163 tainly rewarding.” providing emotional support, the Skoff said not all dogs are able to Currently, Shep is taking advan- News, Features, Sports, 962-0245 “The days I did it were, I mean, therapy dogs have also had phys - do the work done by these therapy tage of his retirement and sleeping One copy per person; they’re not easy at all,” White said. iological effects on patients, caus- animals, especially given the impact a lot, White said. additional copies may be purchased “You’re in a hospital and you go ing blood pressures to decrease. they have on patients and staff. “He’s still loving life, moving at The Daily Tar Heel for $.25 each. Please report suspicious activity at our through a lot of different emotions. Some Children’s Speciality Clinic “They know that they’ve got a job around pretty well, and hopefully distribution racks by emailing But at the end of the day, I think the patients have even asked to set up and it’s what they do, but they’re also he’ll be around for quite a bit lon- [email protected] experience is so rewarding, and that appointments depending on which exhausted after because it’s emo- ger,” White said. © 2012 DTH Media Corp. All rights reserved you have an opportunity to make dog was going to visit on what day, tional work for them,” Skoff said. @maydhadevarajan people feel a little bit better just for a Skoff said. White said he decided to have [email protected] SUMMER SCHOOL Tar Heel Verses Sponsored monthly by Bob Young ‘57 in honor of his wife, Pat, and the 1957 UNC National Championship basketball team.

Praying over My Father presents By Mariah Lindsey

Her hands stretched over his body, not touching, fingers hovering above the chest rising and falling with breath. His body lay limp on the couch, heavy arms thrown over the armrest like the work shoes Donuts in the Pit he slammed the front door shut with: tuesday, April 23 two a.m., drunk and home. God knows why from 9-11 a.m. he didn’t just stay at her house instead. Grab a donut (while they last) and meet some faculty His unbuttoned shirt was wrinkled, unlike members who will be teaching in Summer School. the starched Sunday shirt that graced the closet for months, his deacon name tag free t-shirts collecting dust. Mom’s lips moved with prayer, Wednesday, April 24 the freckle to the right dancing as words from 9-11 a.m. grew louder: she fell to her knees, broke (or while supplies last) the distance between, held him close, Find us in front of Undergrad Library. listened to his heartbeat, and cried. Follow @UNCSummerSchool on The flames in the fireplace kept burning, Instagram or Twitter. relaxed into ash. She prayed for hours, until she couldn’t stay awake longer, fell asleep summer school At the Bosh on his chest; watching from the hallway, lDoc: friday, April 26, 6 p.m. I did not sleep. I carried the prayer for her, Join us for the game against Virginia until I heard him stir as the sun broke through the windows in the morning, until I heard socks shuffle towards bed. clef hAngers 5 p.m. at the Mariah Lindsey, from Sarasota, FL, is a senior in the honors poetry workshop at UNC. She summer.unc.edu is an English major, with minors in Creative Writing and Education. She is grateful for this department for helping advance her writing. The Daily Tar Heel Sports Wednesday, April 24, 2019 3 UNCUT video series features student-athletes and their stories By James Tatter tion of what it was like being a black national students, medically retired Senior Writer student-athlete at UNC. athletes, graduate student-athletes Garrison Brooks of the men’s bas- and more. Four UNC students relaxed in ketball team, Michael Carter and Part of the vision is to help show chairs around one of Sutton’s Drug Jake Lawler of the football team and the world another side of the life of Store’s diner tables, sandwiched Brianna Pinto of the women’s soccer student-athletes and the issues they between the lunch counter stools on team delved into personal stories face. But Shippee said that UNCUT the left and the booths on the right. and talked about the broad issues also aims to break down the barri- They were quiet — chatting at a facing Black college athletes and er that prevents athletes and other volume that would have been inau- Black students at UNC. students from having these conver- dible from a table away in the normal According to Lawler, who served sations in real life. All of the ath - din of one of the most iconic estab- as the mediator of the conversation, letes involved with the project were lishments in Chapel Hill. the content of the discussion wasn’t nationally renowned as early as high This wasn’t the normal din, and novel. But the platform that UNCUT school, so they have grown up with this wasn’t a normal conversation. In provided them certainly is. an experience different from other front of the table were three camer- “I’ve had lots of conversations like students. This has sometimes creat- as on tripods, two more in the hands this with other Black athletes but ed a wall between them. of roving videographers, two light- never in a sense that we can project “We want the students to feel clos- ing kits, microphones and a small it to where other people can see it,” er to the athletes,” Shippee said. “And assembly of the UNCUT team. Lawler said. we want the athletes to feel closer to UNCUT is an organization started The importance of these conversa- the students and feel comfortable by UNC students who wanted to pro- tions being seen and heard drove the talking about these things.” vide a platform for student-athletes athletes to speak up. They recognize The concept for the show stemmed at UNC to talk about anything. that in their role as student-athletes, from an October conversation between PHOTO COURTESY OF KENAN REED “We want to provide a platform, their experience will not be the same Buxton, a sophomore, and Alex Mazer, UNCUT is an organization started by UNC-Chapel Hill students who wanted get the cameras, get the team, get the as their peers. Their voices, however, a first-year. Sophomore Justin Hadad to provide a platform for student-athletes at UNC to talk about anything. publicity,” co-founder Luke Buxton carry great weight. then joined, and Lawler and Shippee said. “But this is athlete-driven; “You’ve got to always understand rounded out the team and provided walls of the distinguished diner. decades. The UNCUT team only this is not a platform for me to push that, yeah, you do have an influence, an athlete’s perspective. Planning took “Whenever you guys are ready, hopes that the show can get more issues on what I want to speak about. and you do have power,” Carter said. them to an April start date for filming. Jake, take it away,” Buxton directed. people in on them. This is giving athletes a platform to The show, which was inspired The show will be released this fall. “Are we good?” Lawler asked. “This is just a snapshot of speak out on what they want and to in part by LeBron James’ On that Sunday afternoon, the The cameras started rolling, and everything that’s going on,” Lawler share their stories.” UNINTERRUPTED, will cover student-athletes sat in Sutton’s, sur- the four started a conversation that said. “To have a conversation put That platform took shape at a a range of topics. Sophomore Jill rounded by the autographed UNC touched on a wide range of issues. out there that’s representative of polished wooden table with four Shippee, a member of the track and sports memorabilia and pictures of While the setup was unique, the conversations that go on each and styrofoam cups of water on it as four field team and part of the UNCUT regular customers — many of them setting has played host to countless every day here.” athletes had a free-ranging conversa- team, envisioned episodes with inter- notable UNC athletes — that fill the watering-hole conversations for [email protected] UNC baseball sweeps Boston College in sloppy three-game series By Matt Chilson With those two victories and the He hit 6-15 with two home runs and Staff Writer win on Sunday, UNC completed a five RBIs in the series. He’s been on sweep of Boston College and moved a tear of late, recording an RBI in into a tie with Georgia Tech atop the 13 of his last 14 games and hitting The North Carolina baseball ACC Coastal Division. five home runs in his last six. team’s series against Boston College “It’s hard winning a series in this “Baseball is such a tough sport, was characterized by long games and league,” head coach Mike Fox said. and you’ve got to enjoy it while you sloppy play. “And it’s hard sweeping them any- are seeing the ball well because it This was most evident in the sixth where against anybody because doesn’t come often,” Busch said. inning of No. 12 UNC’s 16-8 win over everybody is good, so I feel pretty The hot hitting for the Tar Boston College on Sunday. good right now.” Heels paid off because the pitchers The Tar Heels scored 12 runs in The Tar Heels finished the sweep struggled against Boston College’s the inning, the Eagles used four dif- with their decisive victory on Sunday, tough lineup, allowing 25 runs in ferent pitchers and two crucial runs but the first two were where the team the series. The Tar Heels’ catcher, were scored off wild pitches.Those showed its fight. UNC won the first Brandon Martorano was beat up by two runs tied the game, then took the leg of the doubleheader, 8-7, and the a number of balls thrown in the dirt lead for UNC. second, 11-10. Both victories came in over the weekend. That victory was the least excit- the 11th inning. Martorano caught 31 innings ing and shortest for the Tar Heels The Tar Heels scored 35 runs over the course of two days, and as they won the first two games in the series, thanks in part to an Fox had nothing but high praise in walk-off fashion. The Saturday impressive hitting display from for him. doubleheader was long and sloppy; Busch and first-year Danny Serretti. “I texted him last night at about it lasted 10 hours, saw 24 pitchers Serretti and Busch accounted for midnight that I thought he was a used and almost 1,000 pitches were 15 of the Tar Heels’ 35 runs. Both stud yesterday,” Fox said. “Then turn- thrown across the two games. of the sluggers hit two home runs, ing around and doing it today about When junior Michael Busch was highlighted by Serretti’s grand slam 12 hours later, you can’t say enough asked to put the long day into words in Saturday’s nightcap. about that. That’s toughness.” the first thing he said was “exhaust- “I’m just trying to push across Toughness was the key for the ing.” However, the doubleheader was runs for the team because they are so Tar Heels in their sweep. They last- also exciting. hard to come by against ACC teams ed through three long and sloppy “You only come across so many and good teams,” Serretti said. games to earn a crucial result and walk-off wins throughout your col- Serretti drove in a career-high 10 get back on top of their division. lege career or your high school career,” runs on the weekend, six of which @matt_chilson DTH/STELLA RENEKE Busch said. “To have that twice in the came during the second game of @DTHSports UNC-Chapel Hill first-year (1) Danny Serretti swings at bat during the Tar same day was a ton of fun, but at the the series. [email protected] Heels’ third baseball game against Boston College on Easter weekend, 2019. same time, it was long.” Busch also continued to stay hot. Four-star guard Anthony Harris commits to UNC basketball By Chris Hilburn-Trenkle Tuesday night. “I love his toughness ing his left ACL on Dec. 1 in a win Sports Editor and competitiveness. A team can over the St. Frances Academy. never have enough of these qualities. Harris played with fellow UNC Tuesday has been kind to the North We are very fortunate to have a player recruit Armando Bacot Jr., on Nike’s Carolina men’s basketball team. of his caliber join our program. His Team Takeover, a squad based in the To start the day, five-star combo parents (Anthony Sr. and Meecsha Washington D.C. area that won the guard Cole Anthony announced on Harris) have done a great job raising Nike Peach Jam last summer. Harris ESPN’s Get Up that he was commit- him and Coach Farello has done a tre- averaged 8.2 points and 2.5 assists ting to UNC for the 2019-2020 sea- mendous job coaching him at Paul VI. and proved to be a threat from out- son. The son of former NBA veteran He’s a great addition to our program.” side, hitting 21 of 48 3-pointers. Greg Anthony was named the MVP Harris originally committed to UNC now has four commitments of the McDonald’s All-American Virginia Tech on Nov. 19, 2018, but for the 2019-2020 season and the Game and won co-MVP honors at his plans changed once head coach class checks in at No. 6 on 247Sports’ the Jordan Brand Classic. Anthony Buzz Williams left for Texas A&M. team rankings. Anthony and Bacot played his senior season at Virginia’s On April 4, Harris announced he are both five-star recruits and point Oak Hill Academy. would open his recruitment back up guard Jeremiah Francis is a three- Hours later, the day got even bet- in a post via Twitter. star recruit from Pickerington, Ohio. ter for head coach Roy Williams The 6-foot-3, 180-pound guard The three first-year guards will join when four-star guard Anthony Harris from Fairfax, Va., is the No. 65 a crowded North Carolina backcourt announced he would join Anthony in recruit in 247Sports’ composite that includes rising seniors Seventh Chapel Hill next season in a post via rankings and the No. 8 combo guard Woods and Brandon Robinson and Twitter with the caption, “Let’s do it!!” in the class. As a senior for Paul VI rising junior Andrew Platek. DTH FILE/EMILY CAROLINE SARTIN “Anthony’s a remarkable young Catholic High School, Harris missed @christrenkle2 Roy Williams high-fives fans as he enters the arena for the second round of man,” Williams said in a team release the majority of the season after tear- [email protected] the NCAA Tournament against Washington on Sunday, March 24, 2019. 4 Wednesday, April 24, 2019 News The Daily Tar Heel

CAROLINA PERFORMING ARTS

APRIL 24 & 25 MEMORIAL HALL

SHAMEL PITTS Black Velvet: Architectures and Archetypes

DTH/ZAYRHA RODRIGUEZ The Galore Store is located on 149 E. Franklin St. and opened at the beginning of the spring semes- ter. The store is hosting a music festival called BASH! on Saturday featuring local artists and bands. BOBBI Here’s what the Galore Store JENE SMITH A Study is doing to celebrate LDOC on Effort By Caroline Kloster event, can give everyone the opportunity to Staff Writer relax and celebrate through music, art and so much more,” Emily Teves, Galore marketing With Easter weekend over and finals loom- team member, said in a message to the DTH. ing, students are gearing up to swap Peeps BASH! extends the definition of LDOC with parties, worksheets with water slides and from celebrations of academic salvation to schedules with summer plans. commemorations of a talent-filled year at That’s right, it’s the last day of class, also UNC. There are so many ways to define a year, MAY 25 known as LDOC. The student-created holiday and two semesters can embody not only indi- MEMORIAL HALL signals the first taste of summer and a life free vidual academic success but also the collective of CHEM 101 (or whichever class students musical talent that colors student life. were riding the struggle bus to every day), “There is so much talent on this campus, which garners possibly more campus-wide whether it be in the visual arts, music or any fanfare than any University-mandated holi- other form of expression. BASH! aims to day ever could. bring our campus together and celebrate each Not without cause, though: the last day of other,” Colby Kirkpatrick, executive director of classes elicits a firestorm of emotions, rang- Galore, said in a message to the DTH. ing from happiness and relief to sadness and Galore has hosted three other events this pre-nostalgia for the end of a memory-filled year, each focusing on a different art form: school year. Who doesn’t need a little emotional Galore Launch, a spoken-word event called catharsis before finals? No matter how many Word-for-Word and Galore’s Comedy Night. stressful all-nighters or party droughts the year The goal of the organization is to bring a has brought, students can rely on this final cel- diverse group of people together on campus ebration without fail, making LDOC festivities to celebrate different forms of art, Caroline a staple of undergraduate life at Carolina. Durante, leader of Galore events, said. KID So why only celebrate the last day? What “This event is a way to not only celebrate about the whole weekend? LDOC, the end of school and how success - To make sure LDOC doesn’t end on Friday, ful Galore has been this semester, but to the Galore Store is hosting a music festival also allow our community to come together called BASH! on Saturday featuring local around the celebration of art and support our Koala artists and bands. Six musical acts will per- peers one last time this year,” Durante said in form while LDOC celebrators enjoy music, a message to the DTH. Satellite / food trucks and interactive screen printing Whether students are aiming to celebrate booths. All the proceeds will go directly to academic survival, social milestones or cre- Robot Dance Party student artists. ative feats of the 2018-2019 school year, “(LDOC) is basically an excuse to celebrate there’s an event in each nook and cranny of all of our hard work throughout the year right campus that taps into the specific thing they’re before struggling through finals. It’s a way to proud of this year. relax and BASH! by Galore, a non-exclusive [email protected]

SAVE THE DATE!

WE’RE ANNOUNCING OUR NEW 19/20 SEASON May 15th!

For tickets and details on the full 18/19 season, visit: carolinaperformingarts.org The Daily Tar Heel News Wednesday, April 24, 2019 5 Lavelle seeks fourth term as Carrboro mayor Lavelle plans to focus the holiday, partnering with El Centro Hispano and the creation of on transit, bicycle the Carrboro Youth Council. transportation and libraries. “One of the big ones we’ve been working on is securing the building of By Brent Van Vliet a southern branch library in Carrboro,” Staff Writer Lavelle said, adding that the building is very close to coming to completion. Carrboro Mayor Lydia Lavelle She also discussed starting a land announced April 17 that she will seek use plan for the entire town and a fourth mayoral term. revamping the Carrboro bicycle trans- Lavelle, also a professor at the portation system. Lavelle also stated a North Carolina Central University need for a new transportation plan School of Law, was first elected in following the demise of the light rail 2013. In a press release, she high- project and increasing traffic, which lighted a number of projects she she is working on with officials from hopes to continue working on, if Orange and Durham counties. given another term. “We’re gonna be working on revis- “I have been really, I think, privi- ing our transportation plan for the leged to be able to serve as mayor for region, especially now that we don’t these last three terms and I think that have light rail as an option, we’ve got we’ve accomplished a lot in Carrboro,” to hit the ground running on that,” Lavelle said. “And I think our resi- Lavelle said. dents have overall been very satisfied Lavelle has a vision of maintain- with how our Board has governed the ing Carrboro’s progressive reputa- last several years and we have several tion through local governance. things underway that I want to con- “I’d like us to continue to be, what I tinue to be a part of.” consider, one of the most progressive Bethany Chaney, a member of the towns in the state,” Lavelle said. “And Board of Aldermen, said she was continue to push back against some thrilled Lavelle has decided to run of the policies we’ve seen this current for re-election. General Assembly pass that seem to “We have a number of projects be against local government, because that are in the works, that are really, local government is the government DTH/JACK GARSIDE really critical for Carrboro’s future, closest to the people, and there’s and she is capable because of her power from working bottom up and I Carborro Mayor Lydia Lavelle was first elected in Dec. 2013 and will seek re-election to her fourth term this Dec. experience as mayor for the last six think you see that in our community.” years of moving those projects for- Chaney said Lavelle has played a Coalition, said Lavelle has been a “I’d like us to continue to “When she is in a room with a ward to fruition,” Chaney said. major part in raising Carrboro’s pro- great member of the committee. group of mayors from across the Lavelle discussed several initia- file in the state and for her efforts to “She has certainly been a leader be, what I consider, one state, she is really thoughtful and tives she has worked on with the improve equity in the community. amongst her peers on issues relat- of the most progressive careful, and I really appreciate her Carrboro Board of Aldermen, which Chaney also said Lavelle was the ed to transportation, and in partic- ability to listen to different opin - she said were aimed at making right person to provide a “much ular public transportation,” Mills towns in the state.” ions, and respond to them in a sen- Carrboro a more inclusive commu- more visionary approach to eco - said. “She invests a lot of her time Lydia Lavelle sitive and politically well thought nity. These included a community nomic development and community advancing issues that are important Mayor of Carrboro out way, and in a way that doesn’t reading of the Frederick Douglass development in our town.” to urban North Carolina.” alienate people of different opin- speech “What to the Slave is the Beau Mills, executive director of the Mills also said he has been ions,” Mills said. Fourth of July?” every year during North Carolina Metropolitan Mayors impressed by Lavelle’s ability to work with diverse groups of people [email protected] with a variety of opinions.

REGISTER MAY 15 PELL GRANTS SUMMER CLASSES AVAILABLE START MAY 16

Join us for the 2019 Walk & 5k to End Bladder Canccer COMING HOME FOR THE SUMMER? Saturday, April 27, 2019 Check-In: 9:00 am • Walk/5k: 10:00 am EARN COLLEGE CREDITS AT Southern Community Park JAMES SPRUNT COMMUNITY COLLEGE 1000 Dogwood Acres Drive, Chapel Hill

The run distance is a 5k (3.1 miles). LOCATED IN THE HEART OF There will also be a 1-mile walk route. SOUTHEASTERN NORTH CAROLINA Winners of the race will receive prizes like gift cards to IN KENANSVILLE. Fleet Feet, tickets to the Lumina Theater, gift cards to Bandido’s and one participant will receive two tickets to SERVING DUPLIN COUNTY the UNC-Appalachian State University football game. AND THE SURROUNDING AREAS SINCE 1964! Free Maple View Ice Cream! Register Questions? Call today (910) 296-2400. to help us raise View class schedules and apply now at awareness JAMESSPRUNT.EDU Organized by NC Triangle Chapter 6 Wednesday, April 24, 2019 News The Daily Tar Heel Faculty Executive Committee discusses police on campus, pay gap By Jordyn Williams of false reports” against history grad- the Office of Campus Safety and Staff Writer uate student Mark Porlides. Risk Management.” Porlides was arrested by UNC “Dismiss any police officers who The Faculty Executive Committee police officers on Dec. 3 and charged participated in the filing of false held a meeting on Monday to discuss with resisting arrest, striking an offi- reports against Mark Porlides.” the gender pay gap at UNC and a cer and attempted larceny. “Conduct an investigation into petition signed by 101 UNC faculty During the meeting, Porlides any and all connections UNC cam- members concerning campus police. showed roughly one minute and 30 pus police may have with white The memo on policing at UNC: seconds of the arrest video, excluding supremacist organizations.” This week, Jay Smith, a professor the processing portion of the arrest After the creation and signing of in the Department of History, created which Porlides said he found disturb- this petition by many UNC faculty the aforementioned petition and dis- ing, but due to meeting time restric- members, Interim Chancellor Kevin cussed his motivations, as well as the tions, couldn’t show. Porlides prefaced Guskiewicz sent out a formal notice general consensus of the 101 signees. the video by explaining he was not ini- to the UNC community stating that a “I want to urge on all of you the tially given the video by UNC Police. commission made of a cohort of UNC- need to take this very seriously and This case, as well as the March 31 affiliated members would be created to urgently with the problem of the rela- defacement of the Unsung Founders look into campus safety. An “outside tionship between campus police and Memorial by members of the Heirs consultant” has also been tasked by the student protestors, student anti-rac- to the Confederacy and the March 16 administration to look into the events ist activists, who have been telling us event where the same group brought pertaining to campus safety over the in the faculty for many months now firearms to campus, were just some past weeks and months. — in fact, virtually from the day that of the reasons why Smith said he The Faculty Executive Committee the Silent Sam protests began — that decided to create the petition. ultimately constructed and passed a DTH/HARPER SWING campus police have tended to regard The petition states, “In light of resolution surrounding the issues Jay Smith, a history professor at UNC, talks to Sherryl Kleinman, a sociology the protestors as antagonists if not these events, the recent news that which states their support for the professor, during a faculty executive committee meeting on April 22, 2019. enemies, that they have been willing to UNC campus police officers appear Chancellor’s actions, as well as resort to force seemingly unnecessar- to have fabricated criminal charges requesting updates regarding the about across time?” Dickinson said. ment it tends to be female,” said ily and without provocation and they against Mark Porlides, an anti-racist independent public investigation. “One of our main takeaways here is Noah Eisenkraft, professor at have engaged in seemingly unethical activist and graduate student, is sim- Gender pay gaps for UNC faculty: that what methodological tools can Kenan-Flagler. and even undercover tactics in order ply intolerable. These facts, as they Faculty representatives from we use to address the gender bias The medical school representatives to infiltrate the student protests, while seem indisputable, require a trans- Kenan-Flagler Business School and that underlies control variables.” presented similar findings showing a not doing the same with the white parent and thorough investigation.” the UNC School of Medicine present- Dickinson said the major findings gender pay gap and suggested many supremacists who are coming to cam- The petition calls for UNC ed the findings from their respective from their study included that men ways of resolving this issue. pus to voice their views,” Smith said. administration to: studies on gender pay gaps at UNC. make on average 28 percent more The presentation of these findings The petition calls for an investi- “Conduct a transparent, public Elizabeth Dickinson, clinical asso- than women in medical and dental led the Faculty Executive Committee gation into the incidents which have investigation of the above described ciate professor at Kenan-Flagler, dis- schools, and closer to 20 percent more to request that the respective depart- occurred on campus such as the events by an independent review- cussed some of the goals of the study without medical and dental schools. ments draft their own resolutions defacement of statues, “neo-Confed- ing body empowered to ascertain their department conducted. “If you have a very high-paying regarding the pay gap to present to erate activists” bringing firearms to the conduct of campus police and “Are there gender-based pay ineq- department it tends to be male, if them in the future. UNC’s campus and the alleged “filing the response of all supervisors in uities at UNC? If so, why? What you have a very low-paying depart- [email protected] yum on the run

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Help keep the presses rolling for another 126 years Don’t contaminate The Daily Tar Heel has been a defining experience for your recycling! thousands of journalists and has informed the UNC student body for 126 years. Help us invest in the future of journalism by investing in our student journalists of today. If your garbage can is full, don’t shove garbage in your blue cart. The blue cart is for empty cans, bottles and dry paper only. Donate to The Daily Tar Heel at StartThePresses.org The Daily Tar Heel News Wednesday, April 24, 2019 7

themselves what to charge him with. held,” Porlides said. and that I had been arrested for zero they do rely on police to beat up their BODY CAM FOOTAGE When he and his attorney Porlides said his case was dis - actual cause,” Porlides said. opponents — the anti-racists and FROM PAGE 1 received the video, Porlides said they missed on lack of evidence two days Ayling continued the presentation anti-facists — at rallies,” Ayling said. In that process, it’s possible that I were thrilled with what they saw. before his trial. He said his lawyer with more information about the Porlides, Ayling and other elbowed somebody. It was not delib- According to Porlides, they asked to helped him understand that his rights protesters’ experiences with police. anti-Silent Sam activists are host- erate,” Porlides said. “The charge of have a trial that day, but the district were violated during his arrest. She said many of the anti-Silent Sam ing a Students Strike Back Against larceny, attempting to steal a body attorney deferred, saying he had not “She explained to me why my protesters feel the police routinely side Racism & Police Violence demon- camera, is absolutely false.” seen the video yet. rights were violated, and that put- with the pro-Silent Sam protesters. stration at the steps of Wilson He said the police who arrested “The evidence that exonerated ting my hands on a barricade, or “They also want to get in the good Library at 1:30 on April 24. him seemed to be deciding amongst me, this video, was deliberately with- even pushing it, is not an illegal act, graces of police departments because [email protected]

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The Daily Commuter Crossword Puzzle ACROSS DOWN

1 Irish girl’s name 1 Singer Fitzgerald 5 Drinks like Fido 2 Meander 9 Swamp critter, for short 3 Frighten 13 Solitary 4 Hair covering 15 Leave out 5 Misplaces 16 Mauna Loa’s output 6 Org. for MDs & others 17 Caffè __; Starbucks order 7 Metal fastener 18 Disinfected 8 Jut 20 Bordeaux buddy 9 Customer 21 __ up; bind 10 Knock down a building 23 Ted Danson TV series 11 Finished; done 24 Signifies 12 Womanizers 26 Relatives 14 Keep Complete the grid so each row, column 27 Minor facts & details 19 Elementary school grade Level: 1 2 3 4 and 3-by-3 box (in bold borders) 29 Human being 22 “Message __ Bottle”; 1999 contains every digit 1 to 9. 32 Expand film 33 Con artist’s crime 25 12/24 & 12/31 35 Bee’s follower 27 Tiny branch 37 Lupino’s namesakes 28 Equestrian 38 Armed robbery 29 Tumor 39 Hee-haw 30 Fear of heights 40 __ it; understand 31 Depart 41 Necklace pieces 33 Courageous deed (C)2012 Tribune Media Services, Inc. All rights reserved. Last issue’s solution 42 Valuable cache 34 Get __ of; shed 43 Rue 36 Peepers Last issue’s solution 45 Steinbeck’s “The __ of 38 Inattentive Wrath” 39 Boast 46 Stewart or Serling 41 __-minded; liberal 47 Difficult 42 Has confidence in 48 Traumatic experience 44 Says hi to 51 Higher-__; superiors 45 DDE’s party 52 Cereal grain 47 Bulb flower 55 Reckless risk-taker 48 Likelihood 58 Piece of furniture 49 Uncommon 60 Word of disgust 50 Sketch 61 Calcutta robe 53 Mont Blanc’s range 62 Loses one’s footing 54 Exam 63 Stitches 56 Dyer’s tub 64 Staircase piece 57 Anger © 2015 The Mepham Group. All rights reserved. 65 Final 59 Everyone 8 Wednesday, April 24, 2019 Opinion The Daily Tar Heel QUOTE OF THE DAY “I always winded up going Established 1893, 125 years of editorial freedom back to Carolina. It felt EDITORIAL BOARD MEMBERS like a family to me, I loved RACHEL JONES EDITOR, [email protected] DEVON JOHNSON ABBAS HASAN SETH NEWKIRK JACK O’GRADY RAMISHAH MARUF OPINION EDITOR, [email protected] PAIGE MASTEN KENT MCDONALD SAVANNAH PARKER BARTH Coach (Roy) Williams and ELISA KADACKAL ASSISTANT OPINION EDITOR ABHISHEK SHANKAR EMMA KENFIELD FAIRCLOTH ALEC DENT Coach (Hubert) Davis. If CHRIS DAHLIE ANNIE KIYONAGA it was up to me, I’d be on EDITORIAL campus tomorrow. Cole Anthony, a top-ranked men’s basketball Investigate UNC police conduct player who committed to UNC. FEATURED ONLINE Time and time again the supremacists or antagonizing student force, complicity and dishonesty, activists, these actions are simply not UNC Police have shown they have lit- police showed where their acceptable — they represent a com- tle respect for students, activists and READER COMMENT Chris Dahlie plete abdication of responsibility, a people of color on this campus. Being Ph.D. graduate in communications from allegiance lies. “If your Confederate flags lack of morality and an utter disregard in a position of authority does not Chautauqua, N.Y. n a meeting Monday, the Faculty are so cool why not just stay email: [email protected] for student safety. guarantee immunity to criticism or Executive Council discussed a This isn’t the first time the Board has investigation. Even those who enforce at home and look at them petition signed by 101 UNC fac- I spoken out against UNC Police, and the law have to follow it. instead of bothering the ulty members concerning police pres- unfortunately, it probably won’t be the Thousands of students call UNC You can ence on campus. Jay Smith, a professor last. We will not stand by while mem- home — but home is a place where rest of us because we clearly in the Department of History, created bers of the Carolina community are you feel safe and protected. don’t give a crap.” go home the petition, which calls for an exter- threatened repeatedly by UNC Police Students and their safety (not nal investigation of UNC Police and its and its gross misuse of power. We will donors or white supremacists) should Mike McGowan, commenting on a Facebook handling of recent campus events. not remain silent while UNC Police be the University’s number one priori- post for a DTH article about the threats made in a again The Editorial Board has always continues to provide more protection ty. If UNC Police has truly done noth- Confederate supporter’s on-campus livestreams. believed in standing with student to white supremacists than the students ing wrong, as Jeff McCracken claims, wenty years ago, I gradu - activists and holding the University they are meant to protect. We cannot then an investigation will prove that. ated from the University of accountable. Time and again, the ignore the escalating pattern of police But as a community, we deserve LETTER TO THE EDITOR TSouthern California. Things actions of UNC Police have endan- violence that plagues our campus. answers that only an investigation Weeknight parking fee were seen, jobs were done. I moved gered student activists and the student Respect is not simply given — it can provide. harms the whole community through London, New York, June body at large. Whether it’s lying under must be earned. It’s a two-way street. Let’s hope we get them. Lake, California, Auckland and Los oath, shaking hands with armed white And through their excessive use of To the Editor, Angeles again, doing mostly live audio engineering with a two-sea- UNC’s weeknight parking plan son stint as a ski instructor thrown GUEST COLUMN represents a blow to the University’s in for fun. night staff, volunteers and status Ten years ago, I moved to as a public space for the Chapel the Triangle to pursue a PhD in My culture is not a fad Hill community. Parking fees are Communication Studies at UNC. The recent article on boba all ethnic food to be delicious or even white for our Asian parents. It’s a an inherently regressive funding My wife and I were a bit nervous somewhat palatable is not a require- drink that we found our reflections in mechanism that ignore disparities about the move, meeting as New tea excluded the Asian ment. I’m sure the experiences of the — torn between our Asian upbringing in individual financial resources. Yorkers and previously living student that drank boba tea and vom- and our American schooling. There is a big difference between as Angelenos. We came to love American voice. ited did happen and are valid. To share It’s almost become a nuisance for me, ecently, a group of friends and asking a business school alumnus this area deeply, and will keep that experience as representative of a as it seems as though it’s all any of my to pay a parking fee to attend a our home in Hillsborough for I laughed and all shared our general opinion, however, is being col- Asian American friends can talk about. “lunchbox moments.” For the multi-night program in the Kenan- retirement. In June we are moving R or-blind to a subject that isn’t. On social media, they share memes Flagler building and asking main- uninitiated, the “lunchbox moment” to rural Chautauqua County, New Equally infuriating is reducing cul- and jokes about their obsession with tenance staff or circulation desk York, westernmost in the state is a ubiquitous experience for Asian tural food to a new “fad” that white bubble tea, which makes it more curi- American schoolchildren: the first workers to pay fees every night just where I grew up. There, I will people are enjoying. Bubble tea is not ous that not a single East Asian person to do their jobs. Chapel Hill is a start as an Assistant Professor of time our parents pack for us deli- a fad. I grew up in one of the major was interviewed, even though plenty cious jiaozis and dandanmian to eat national model for free public tran- Audio / Radio / Sound Design Chinatowns of NYC where there was (including myself) had expressed inter- sit in a small city, but that unfortu - while staying on as Head of Audio for lunch, only to have our classmates a bubble tea stop every block and a est in talking to the author about their sneer, “Gross, what is that?” and, “Is nately does not extend to 24-hour for the Chautauqua Institution half. I remember my first time having thoughts on bubble tea. service, so third-shift workers often Amphitheater, a job I have held that dog?” Mortified, we threw our it: my mother took me to a place and My culture and my food are not lunch boxes away and asked our par- rely on free night parking. for now 20 summers. Turns out, ordered a taro milk tea for me. When fads and are certainly not things for Additionally, as an alumnus of contra our local hero Thomas ents that night to prepare us things I asked her if she was going to have you to vomit all over. Or openly call like PB&J to bring to school. WXYC as well as the University, Wolfe, you can go home again. one, she replied “No, it’s too sweet. It’s “exotic.” Or “not normal.” Or “a trend.” this plan would place an undue In truth, you never really leave. I don’t think the author of the arti- for Americans.” You aren’t the center of this story. You cle last week featuring opinions on financial burden on the many Home is in you. I heard once that This is one of the defining aspects are an outsider and you can’t hope off-campus DJs, both students and the best songs are about running bubble tea ever had such a moment. It of bubble tea and ties in closely with to understand our experiences if you could be argued that she didn’t know alumni, who maintain this gem of away from God or running toward how it has become a cultural phenom- continue to approach us as an exotic an experimental, freeform 24-hour it. The worst of all possible art, and the sensitivity behind highlighting a enon amongst Asian Americans. It’s a novelty instead of the center of a com- case where a student threw up from radio station for no pay at all. life, ignores the Divine. And as all drink that we remember growing up plex, dynamic narrative. Finally, free weeknight park - things are God, home is God. ethnic foods. But that’s what privilege on, but one that the generation before Jacky Wang is. To not have that lunchbox moment. ing at UNC helps to keep Chapel Seventeen-year-old me would us wasn’t too fond of. It’s a drink too Class of 2020 Hill’s downtown and the University have never predicted going home. To not have to think about how your Asian for our white friends, and too Philosophy and political science culture’s food is portrayed. Finding campus open, public spaces for the In my mind, it was where I was whole Chapel Hill community. In stifled, mocked, limited. The real COLUMN a country suffering from excessive world, the world that mattered, privatization of public space and was out there on the shining growing wealth inequality, Chapel coasts, where those who mattered You Asked for It Hill’s extensive green and pub - did that which mattered. I came. I lic spaces are part of what makes saw. I kicked ass. Yet every summer the town special. Putting in place I returned home to the job I have In which we graduate Kent McDonald (Tar) and Annie regressive parking fees that dis - held the longest, in the place I Annie Kiyonaga & 3. Dye your hair platinum AT Kiyonaga (Heel) are the writers of proportionately affect low-income treasure most, with the people I Kent McDonald LEAST once. My biggest regret is UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice Senior English and I only had platinum hair for one people would undermine this key treasured most. Now I get a second column. Results may vary. aspect of what makes Chapel Hill job there. My wife and I get to raise art history double year — and it was the year I went ell, dear readers, here we major from Chevy abroad! None of you fools got to fully a true oasis. my daughter there. Chase, M.D. Sam Schaefer My experience around the are. The end of the road. appreciate my flowing, blondish- The horizon. The bottom Senior English white locks. I don’t want to point Opinion Editor of The Daily Tar world is a permanent treasure W and dramatic art Heel, 2015-16 that cannot be taken away. But I of the ocean. The surface of the sun. fingers (except that I do, I live for double major from the drama) but I invented this trend. remember a thought that ran in We, your beloved YAFI writers, will Overland Park, I invented gays dying their hair my head at the end of my sojourn be leaving Chapel Hill in a few short Kansas weeks. In reflecting upon our time platinum instead of going to therapy. through Europe: There are only so and then run into someone from your SPEAK OUT at this lovely, light blue school, we’ve This is my thing and I want it to be many churches, museums, drinks LFIT during senior bar golf. Make come up with a few tenets of advice for documented that I did this before all WRITING GUIDELINES and cuisines that can be sampled sure this is someone who you shared • Please type. Handwritten letters will not young, foolish underclassmen such as of you copycats. 2017 Kent McDonald before they all blend into each several thousand conversations with be accepted. yourself. Good luck, and good night. was ahead of his times and he other. Sooner or later you may have during LFIT. Perhaps someone who • Sign and date. No more than two peo- (I’ve always wanted to say that. Seems deserves to be recognized! to choose one place, and sink roots you even studied for the final with ple should sign letters. appropriate here.) 4. If the DTH asks you and into it. I have found mine. In truth, at Alpine Bagel. Perhaps you even • Students: Include your year, major and 1. Spend as much time as possible your best friend to write a satirical phone number. I never left it. shared a large chocolate chip cookie with friends. Friends are important. advice column, do it. We promise it • Faculty/staff: Include your department Our younger readers have choices while studying (this was before Alpine We love them. We want them to feel will be trip well worth taking and and phone number. to make about where home will changed the recipe and significantly our love. To this end, we have made possibly life-changing. Annie and I • Edit: The DTH edits for space, clarity, physically be. Yet make no mistake: reduced the size of their formerly accuracy and vulgarity. Limit letters to it our collective mission at YAFI to are now satirists. In fact, we were you never escape home, because glorious baked treats). Perhaps while 250 words. infringe as constantly and annoyingly just inducted into the satirist hall you are your own home. Once you discussing carbohydrates you two as possible on the lives of each & of fame. We now get brunch with SUBMISSION realize that, and realize what you made awkward flirty eye contact every one of our dearest friends. our esteemed peers Jon Stewart, • Drop off or mail to our office at 109 E want, life becomes easier. The bright (this was before you decided you Franklin St, Chapel Hill, N.C. 27514 For example, when I, Annie, know Amy Sedaris and Jonathan Swift shining cities beckon to our best and were a firm 5.75 on the Kinsey Scale). Late last month, North Carolina’s voter that one of my friends has a VERY every month. Best of all, speak your brightest constantly, but there are Remember this person because you IMPORTANT test the next day, I mind. Satirically. Speak your mind EDITOR’S NOTE: Columns, cartoons and other places that need you too, and do not want to run into them at Bob’s make it my mission to hover around in a satirical advice column. No one letters do not necessarily represent the opin- will welcome you if you give them while ordering a Miami Vice and talk them as much as possible, asking them can hold you to any of your opinions, ions of The Daily Tar Heel or its staff. Editorials yourself in full abandon. Make your to them for a solid six minutes while reflect the opinions of The Daily Tar Heel dumb, stupid questions. because they’re all, ostensibly, jokes. home and inhabit it with your full internally panicking because you have editorial board, which comprises 15 board 2. Take LFIT your first semester, Haha, we’re just kidding! Or are heart. It will never leave you. no idea what their name is. members, the opinion assistant editor and wait patiently for three and half years, We? You’ll never kn— editor and the editor-in-chief.