Adoption 101 Heartland for Children’S Trauma Informed, Relationship Focused Adoption Training
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4/8/2020 Adoption 101 Heartland for Children’s Trauma Informed, Relationship Focused Adoption Training Class Six Welcome To Adoption 101, Class Six! • Welcome back! • Discussion of last week & homework • Today’s Agenda! • Connecting Principles 1 4/8/2020 Connecting Principles The foundation for building a trusting relationship between an adult and a child is through connection. Connecting Principles of TBRI© • These principles address the relational needs of children from hard places who often have experienced trauma through relationships. • Often, a child’s needs are misinterpreted due to their inability to verbalize their needs. Tune into your child! See beyond the behavior. • What is my child trying to tell me? • What does my child really need? 2 4/8/2020 Awareness is the Key! • Observational awareness and self-awareness are critical in your ability to recognize the needs of your child, and your own needs. • It can be difficult to be attuned and aware of your child’s needs if your needs are unmet. It also can lead to misinterpretation and/or over-reaction, causing more stress for both the parent and the child. A Key Component of Connection is through PLAY! • Playful engagement disarms fear, promotes attachment, and builds social competence. Did you know 80% of behaviors can be corrected through play? • What exactly do we mean by connection & play? • Think to yourself, how comfortable am I with play? • Do I direct play, or allow the child to take the lead? • Do I try and problem solve? • Am I distracted and not fully engaged during play? 3 4/8/2020 Key Components of Engagement • What do we mean by engagement? • Eye contact • Healthy Touch • Tone of Voice • Observant • Behavioral Matching It’s the little things… • We must understand that STAYING (connection) is more important than stopping a behavior. The priority is the relationship first; then everything else. • If your first objective is to be right or punitive; you are not regulated and looked at their behavior through the child’s lens. • Building trust is necessary for change! If a child has been hurt in a relationship, the child can only be healed in a relationship. 4 4/8/2020 It’s a circular process with you at the forefront! Ability to align your own internal state with that of Express Unconditional another, through verbal and Unconditional Commitment NO MATTER non verbal communication. WHAT! With attunement comes co- Commitment regulation, trust & growth. YOU must accept and Attunement Acceptance acknowledge that trauma & attachment are driving the Commitment & Acceptance leads behaviors. It’s not a to a child’s security physically and matter of “trying emotionally. Now with harder”, but the child commitment, acceptance, & Security learning to trust others security can relationships begin to & self develop. Building Attachment Through Meeting Needs • Arousal-Relaxation Cycle • Based on our understanding that trust, security, and attachment are strengthened when a consistent adult caregiver repeatedly meets a child’s needs. • This occurs when a child experiences stress/tension and the caregiver provides comfort and provides for the child’s needs, which relieves tension/stress and promotes contentment. • Should be repeated several times a day. • Can be difficult when their needs are expressed through problematic behaviors. • Positive Interactive Cycle • In this cycle, the child does not need to first express their need. This is when a parent can take the initiative to engage in positive interaction with the child, and thus the child enjoys the experience and reacts in an affirming manner. • With this, both parent and child feel sense of self worth and it greatly helps in the attachment process. • Many adoptive parents believe the child should take the first step in forming attachments, yet these children are often not trusting enough yet to take this step. Adoptive parents need to initiate gentle, non threatening social interactions with a child that are positive, meaningful, and pleasurable to develop attachment. 5 4/8/2020 Connection Tips & Tools • Remember that opportunities for bonding and attachment and attachment enhancing activities should not be a “reward”. This should become a ritual despite a challenging day. In fact, children often need connection time more intensely when they are having challenging days! • Fill their YES bank! • Be mindful of overstimulation and ensuring their physiological needs are met. While play is fun, you also want to ensure not to “overdo” it. • Encourage self-regulation by co-regulating with them! And Most Important…. • You can not give away that which is not yours to give….. • If you cannot learn how to be regulated yourself – how can you expect the child to do so. You are the child’s model and they learn through your example. • Remember to take time for yourself to relax and become regulated. If you are stressed, the child can sense this! • We are not perfect. When reacting in a way you know you shouldn’t have, you can repair what was done by simply stating: “I am sorry, this is not the parent that I want to be. Can we start over?” • Provide Unconditional Commitment & Love. Meaning that there is nothing that a child can do to make you give up on him/her. • This is definitely a different way of parenting and while it may be challenging initially – it has been shown to be very successful. Many people become enlightened at their new sense of calm and the new perspective on the world. 6 4/8/2020 Questions? Comments? • Homework: Connecting/Engagement Strategies • Handouts: • Curiosity, Pleasure And Play: A Neurodevelopmental Perspective • Discipline: it’s all about connection • Their Anger Will Not Become My Anger • Healing the Trauma of Adoption • Thank you! 7 One per person Class 6 Homework Connecting/Engagement Strategies Name: _________________________________ 1. Which of the engaging strategies (eye contact, healthy touch, tone of voice, behavioral matching, and playful interaction) do you believe is or will be the easiest for you when interacting with children? What would be the most challenging? Why do you believe this might this be true? 2. Children’s needs are very often misinterpreted due to their difficulty in expressing and verbalizing their needs. Read the following scenario and brainstorm some possible needs the child may have, and what would you do to meet that need? Sara is in the 5th grade and has homework at least 3 days a week, not including daily reading she is expected to complete. The expectation in the home is completing homework when she gets home from school. Sara has been having a difficult time completing her homework, and she will often just sit there for close to an hour, barely initiating her homework. She whines and states “I don’t want to do my homework” and “I’m too tired.” 3. It is important that caregivers are in tune with their child and can recognize signs of stress and anxiety so that they can respond appropriately. Name at least four signs (non-verbal behavioral and physiological responses) that may indicate a child may be stressed: 1. 2. 3. 4. One per person Class 6 Homework Connecting/Engagement Strategies Name: _________________________________ 1. Which of the engaging strategies (eye contact, healthy touch, tone of voice, behavioral matching, and playful interaction) do you believe is or will be the easiest for you when interacting with children? What would be the most challenging? Why do you believe this might this be true? 2. Children’s needs are very often misinterpreted due to their difficulty in expressing and verbalizing their needs. Read the following scenario and brainstorm some possible needs the child may have, and what would you do to meet that need? Sara is in the 5th grade and has homework at least 3 days a week, not including daily reading she is expected to complete. The expectation in the home is completing homework when she gets home from school. Sara has been having a difficult time completing her homework, and she will often just sit there for close to an hour, barely initiating her homework. She whines and states “I don’t want to do my homework” and “I’m too tired.” 3. It is important that caregivers are in tune with their child and can recognize signs of stress and anxiety so that they can respond appropriately. Name at least four signs (non-verbal behavioral and physiological responses) that may indicate a child may be stressed: 1. 2. 3. 4. REFRIGERATOR NOTES REFRIGERATOR NOTES POINTS TO REMEMBER ABOUT POINTS TO REMEMBER ABOUT PLAY WITH YOUR CHILD PLAY WITH YOUR CHILD •Follow your child’s lead. •Follow your child’s lead. •Pace at your child’s level. •Pace at your child’s level. •Don’t expect too much—give your •Don’t expect too much—give your child time. child time. •Don’t compete with your child. •Don’t compete with your child. •Praise and encourage your child’s •Praise and encourage your child’s ideas and creativity; don’t criticize. ideas and creativity; don’t criticize. •Engage in role play and make-believe •Engage in role play and make-believe with your child. with your child. •Be an attentive and appreciative •Be an attentive and appreciative audience. audience. •Use descriptive comments instead of •Use descriptive comments instead of asking questions. asking questions. •Curb your desire to give too much •Curb your desire to give too much help; encourage your child’s help; encourage your child’s problem-solving. problem-solving. •Reward quiet play with your •Reward quiet play with your attention. attention. •Laugh and have fun. •Laugh and have fun. Program 9: The Importance of Parental Attention Part 1 © C. Webster-Stratton Program 9: The Importance of Parental Attention Part 1 © C.