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T ONLINE WERE INDONESIAN ‘HOBBITS’ REALLY THE FIRST TO BOUNCE NEUTRONS OFF SOAP BUBBLES? FREE DVD PART ONE The Daily Telegraph FUN WITH SHARP STUff ‘IF IT’S IN DIXONS, I DON’T DO IT’ Doctor Roger’s Decidedly Deadly Experiments NEW MAN AT ‘NEW SCIENTIST’ SETS OUT HIS STALL P23 paGE 29 TELEGRAPH MEDIA GROUP ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ACCIDENTS, INJURIES OR FATALITIES Boffin Roger steps off the treadmill Log By Bye Roger – We’ll Miss You Þ In a stunning/surprising/ Highfield’s dash for cash – a journey to the unusual/tediously repetitive THE doom-laden warnings of announcement (delete as scientists across the world bottom of the publishing market appropriate), it was revealed were realised yesterday as, at The serious years yesterday that broccoli/red 8.31am, a black hole devel- Þ The Arrow of Time – The Quest to Solve Time’s Greatest wine/toast/blueberries/mobile oped in the science coverage Mystery (1990) phones can cause/cure/reduce of The Daily Telegraph. Þ The Private Lives of Albert Einstein (1993) the effects of/are strangely Having served as Science attracted to memory/cancer/ Editor of the paper for more Þ Frontiers of Complexity – The Search for Order in a Chaotic leukaemia/Alzheimer’s/house than two decades, Roger World (1995) prices. Writing in the journal Highfield departed the offices The rot sets in Nature/Science/a random self- in Victoria for a new life as Þ Can Reindeer Fly? The Science of Christmas (1998) serving press release my editor Editor of New Scientist maga- Þ The Science of Harry Potter: How Magic Really Works (2002) found on his desk, scientists/ zine, which is to be renamed Þ Hello, Dolly! Grow Your Own Clone (2006, with Ian Wilmut) experts/PRs for the blueberry/ Old Scientist in his honour. broccoli/red wine/toast industry Dr Highfield’s singularity Coming soon announced that a trial of was so strong that, in his Þ Did the Large Hadron Collider Kill the Tooth Fairy? (2009) 1,000/100/a couple of people absence, the intellectual con- Þ Can Harry Potter Fly a Reindeer that Eats Wasps? (2010) had proved beyond doubt/ tent of Fleet Street science Þ At the Foot of the Garden: Particles, Protons and Pixies (2012) vaguely suggested that the suffered a massive and substance might help/harm/do unprecedented collapse. nothing whatsoever. Authorities had previously of Britain’s scientific commu- about a possible news story. (NB Please recycle this laughed off the chances of nity reacted with horror at the Let it go, man.” template as necessary) such an event, saying that the thought of Dr Highfield leav- However, not all were best advice put its likelihood ing The Daily Telegraph. entirely positive about Dr Þ The Science Editor of The as “one in a million”. “Who will be left to explain Highfield’s tenure at the news- Daily Telegraph, Dr Roger Too late did they realise that why a neutron can bounce off paper. A spokesman from the Highfield, has won a prestigious the phrase was actually being a soap particle? It’s almost as Science Media Centre said: award for receiving the shortest used to describe Dr Highfield if no one noticed it had been “While we will clearly miss book review ever written for his himself. done,” said Baroness Sinead Roger, the thought that there Christmas-themed anthology of Yet the long-serving jour- Grunfeld, director of the Royal may now be some biscuits left popular science, Can Reindeer nalist was no stranger to the Institution. after our briefings has not Fly?. Ignoring Dr Highfield’s At home with further frontiers of science. gone unnoticed in the discursion into the parasitic His explanations of office.” vermin that might have caused the Highfields the functioning of This is not the first Rudolph’s nose to bleed itself the Large Hadron time Dr Highfield’s raw, the critic from the How Roger Collider were appetite has come prestigious magazine Loaded often so convo- under scrutiny. One answered the question posed by sets his luted as to only be Oxford contempo- the title with the following comprehensible in rary recalls that the verdict: “No.” children’s a universe consist- young scientist was ing of 11 or more so fond of his mid- Þ Meanwhile, tributes homework dimensions. His day meal that he continued to flood in to the man PAGE 24 work, too, was cited often had two they called “The People’s as proof of the lunches. Science Editor”. Charles Moore, existence of parallel Our source also former Editor of The Daily universes: in one, confirmed that Dr Telegraph, recalled: “Roger was the world known as Highfield did the perfect science editor – he When science “online”, his stories indeed have hair in was unbelievably hard-working, met media were scientific, accu- his youth, although even at could see the science in any rate and incompre- Blake Colinmore, former that stage he was forced to story. He also had an unquench- The frocks, the hensible; in the print edition head of the Medical Research resort to a “combover”. able belief in his subject – he’d the very same words were Council, paid tribute to Dr In the end, however, the last always be fighting for space, and shocks – special concise, tight and usually Highfield’s breadth of knowl- word must go to one of Dr have more stories up his sleeve wrong. edge. “He knew his science,” Highfield’s colleagues, who if anything became available. report paGE 22 Despite the many tribula- he said, “but there was also wished to remain anonymous. The only time I ever saw him tions he endured, however, he nothing he didn’t know about “Roger was an unparalleled flummoxed was when he remained a zealous evangelist Paris Hilton’s latest attempts reporter whose heights of suddenly found out he was going for science, convinced that if at social rehabilitation.” journalistic integrity will never to be a father – he was rather he laughed loudly enough “Hopefully now he will stop be repeated,” he said. poleaxed by the news. He was a Zirconia while pitching a story, and bothering me about a cure for “Who else could on the one real champion for science, and used the word “boffins” baldness,” added a spokes- hand explain complex scien- for scientists – the only problem catalysts enough, it would be accepted man for the Royal College of tific experiments to his read- was that he ran his stories by by his superiors whatever its Trichologists. “For God’s sake, ership and on the other, still them, which I didn’t know about What can’t level of accessibility. we all knew why you were get the word ‘twat’ on the Tel- Run, Roger, run: the ‘New Scientist’ editor-to-be shows off the desk design he plans to introduce. and would have put a stop to. paGE 25 Last night the leading lights ringing, whatever you said egraph website?” Above left: much mockery after Roger fails to get into the spirit of the fancy dress competition But they all loved him for it.” they do? Fighting fallout the Highfield way ‘Lipstick on a pig? That’s chicken feed’ Roger Remembered Missing Roger already? Soothe the pain with this By Plenty O’Booze fend off Chernobyl’s effects, and ensured that once he reached Fleet Street he was exclusive new partwork, available free with THE announcement this week that an seldom seen without a bottle in hand. By Harry Trotter some serious science. The Daily Telegraph over the coming weeks. In each antioxidant found in red wine increases While many of the reporters and editors “His inventiveness knew protection from radioactivity has been working in the national press in those ROGER Highfield’s reputation no bounds,” she told The issue, a friend or colleague of the great man hailed as a long-overdue vindication by days spent much of the day in the pub, it as a serious journalist received Daily Telegraph yesterday. explains just what made him quite so special. Dr Roger Highfield ofThe Daily Telegraph. was only Dr Highfield who could justify a terrible blow yesterday when “There was no stopping us, Dr Highfield made his name as a his behaviour on medical grounds. At the manuscript of his unpub- other than the agents, and PART I – THE FELLOW HACK journalist in 1986, in the wake of the least, this was the explanation gleaned by lished novel, co-authored with the lawyers – and the bound- Chernobyl disaster. He was touring a his colleagues from his mumbled Fay Weldon, was made public. aries of common decency.” “Highfield-watchers all have their favourite moment – I will never nuclear installation in Scandinavia, when repetition “Chernobyl fallout” – although The story told the tale of a It seems that – as with so forget, for example, the time he left Tony Blair speechless. But I the alarms went off. The visitors were it theorised that this might also be the young scientist, who falls in much avant-garde work – the treasure also the way that Kenneth Baker, Mrs Thatcher’s unctuous swiftly evacuated, only for the engineers punchline to a favoured joke. love with one of his research public was simply not ready science minister, would always refer to Roger as ‘the accountant’. to reveal that the fallout was coming from Dr Highfield was also able on several subjects – a pig. for Dr Highfield’s vision of This wasn’t just because of his preference, unchanged through the outside, rather than inside, the plant, so it occasions to kill two birds with one stone, According to Weldon, the pair trans-species romance.

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