West Coast USA - Spring 2008
NEWSLETTER FOR TEAM BANZAI and THE BLUE BLAZE IRREGULARS
Lead Editor BBI Dragon Associate Editors: BBI Abacus, BBI the Ice Queen, BBI Natrix, BBI Big Shoulders, BBI Fizz, BBI Moto Mama, BBI Spooky, BBI Texas, and BBI Micky Maus
CONSULTANTS: Buckaroo Banzai, Reno of Memphis, Mrs. Johnson
"We have no special constitutional powers, unless you consider the extraordinary rights accorded every U.S. citizen by law, in which case we are amply empowered to go about our business." Dr. Buckaroo Banzai
BBI Dragon: [email protected]
Permission granted to make copies for personal use only. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of copyrighted material can result in severe criminal and civil penalties under the law of your country. This newsletter and its contents are not to be sold, placed up for auction or put into an electronic form in part or whole without written permission of the lead editor. The content of this newsletter is copy-written by the authors and artists.
Editorial by Alan "BBI Dragon" Smith someone in a news story or a faceless The decision to person on the internet. publish this and future issues While I have your attention, if ever so electronically briefly, I am going to say a few words that rather than in are intended to kick a few in the behind, the classic to get them off their easy chair. I know Dr. mailed paper Banzai would not appreciate me beating a format was not dead horse, metaphorically and literally, made without due but he has given me the latitude and consideration. respect to write this newsletter as I see We lose the "cool factor" of getting fit, so, that being acknowledged, I'll get to something in the mail box to touch and me point. stash away. The classic format would be more in tune with the original publications There is a general apathy in most people from the mid-80's on up to and including in this society as well as those that call the issue from spring of last year; however, themselves fans of Buckaroo Banzai and the there are many positives to skipping this HKC, all the way to bona fide members of more nostalgic process. From a personal Team Banzai. Here we are, fans and members perspective, it's less time spent working on of an organization that by its very nature the overall project because there is no personifies the code to be involved, to need to prep and stuff envelopes, make help out and to grow as an individual and trips to and from the printers and the a group, yet, the majority are satisfied post office. Then there is the money issue. with just being entertained while very few Past issues have cost about $3.00 each out- take risks or put themselves out there to of-pocket for printing and mailing, plus make a difference. In many cases, people any bonus items included. To be completely have so filled up their lives with trying honest with you, this cost has become to make ends meet, social and personal prohibitive to the future of these activities to name but a few, that they newsletters. Without a change, the just don't have the time… and I wonder, Underground Edition would have had to just how satisfied are they, how fulfilled move to a paid subscription format or does their busy live make them? Most cease to exist. Instead we have moved to people are just too entrenched in their this electronic format that is free to comfort-zone, or too scared to change. download. Another big plus is that we can Beating them with a stick is not likely to now use color, from graphics to photos, alter anything, and I know that it's not the perking up the overall look of the right way to handle this kind of publication. phenomenon. So, the best I can do as an So, here you have it, another issue of the individual is to continue to be a role World Watch One Underground Edition model of sorts, to be an inspiration, and straight to you by way of the internet. most importantly, to recognize, appreciate, Progress over Protocol. support, and encourage those rare kindred souls that are making a difference, in a As for this issue's content and approach, small personal, family circle, or in a bigger inspiration has come from many sources. The picture. more obvious is Doctor Banzai and the good men and women of Team Banzai. Following Editorial Photo: Left to Right – Madeline them, for this issue I have found my muse (Wire Haired Fox Terrier), BBI Dragon (Human), from music, media, and current events. Some Rokit (Uber-Jack Russell Terrier) noted artists include Nickleback, Nine Inch Nails, and various reggae sources. From the media, it would be Heroes, Doctor Who, and
Supernatural. It isn't always any particular "Life is one big road with lots of signs. song or episode from one of these that has So when you riding through the ruts, don't influenced me so much as the mood, the complicate your mind. Flee from hate, feelings these generate that get my mind mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your and soul into that frame of reference to thoughts, put your vision to reality. do more than just be entertained by Wake Up and Live!”" popular media and to making a difference, Bob Marley, 1945-1981, Jamaican musician, even small it be. People also inspire me, singer-songwriter, and Rastafarian. His last from a stranger I sit near in a restaurant, words were: "Money can't buy life."
So, what are you going to find inside this issue? This newsletter continues online at: Front Cover – Background image is an www.geocities.com/bbidragon/worldwatchone/ updated "Team Banzai" graphic with the latest incarnation of the Jet Car There you can find past, present and Page 1 – That's pretty obvious at this future strategic information of interest point, the Editorial by the Lead Editor and concern to Team Banzai. Included are – Page 2 Again, obvious, these notes, duh several documents too sensitive to be Pages 3 & 4 – Team Banzai's Adventures In incorporated in this newsletter that were Geocaching by Steve "BBI Rainbow Kitty" discovered on a data stick outside Mattsson Washington DC. Page 5 – Storage List at the Banzai Institute & Future of Strike Teams Business Advertisement Sponsorship Pages 6 & 7 - On Assignment with BBI that is legit and not involved in anything Abacus and Dragon & Classified Ads illegal or immoral will be accepted for the Pages 8, 9, 10 & 11 – A Chat with W.D. Richter, Underground Edition of the World Watch Earl MacRauch and Joe Gentile One. It would be favorable to have Pages 12, 13 & 14 – Project Wristband Phase advertisements with a Team Banzai flavor Two, Enydoyoy & Historical Hanoi Shan to them, but this is not a requirement. Update by Steve "BBI Rainbow Kitty" Mattsson Advertisement money will be paid to the Page 15 – Moonstone cover art Lead Editor (we can work out those details) Pages 16 & 17 – Now It Can Be Told by Steve to be used to go towards free bonus items "BBI Rainbow Kitty" Mattsson and giveaways for the Blue Blaze Pages 18, 19 & 20 – Strange Science and Irregulars and members of Team Banzai. Updates on the Equipment of Team Banzai Pages 21 through 23 - Moonstone black & Cost for the various size advertisements: white sketches Business card size or 1/8th page: $50 Pages 25, 26 & 27 – "It Sells Books" by Alan 1/4 page approximately 3.5" x 4.5": $100.00 "BBI Dragon" Smith (Fan Fiction Rating: Half page approximately 4.5" x 7.25": $150.00 Suitable For Teenagers, Implied Violence) Banner Small approximately 1" x 7.25" - $50 Page 28 - Some Final Thoughts Banner Large approximately 2" x 7.25" - $100 Back Cover – Moonstone's Buckaroo Banzai Classified Ads: $15 for 25 or less words, $25 The Prequel #2 variant cover by artist for 26 to 50 words, $0.35 per word over 50. Joe Corroney One external email or URL link per ad or Your Editor wishes to give special thanks classified. to W.D. Richter and Earl MacRauch for always being so willing to share their Nonprofit 501c3 organizations get a big thoughts and perspective with us. I also discount. wish to express my gratitude to Joe Gentile for his equal eagerness to share The Lead Editor reserves the right to say with the members of Team Banzai his NO to anything he feels would offend thoughts, the drafts and artwork from others or that will rub him the wrong way. upcoming publications from Moonstone. He has a life and on opinion too.
In addition, I want to thank BBI ArcLight for hosting this newsletter for downloading, and BBI Figment for the Buckaroo Banzai FAQ website as it's been a great resource for this issue.
I also offer a big note of application to all those that helped to make this a more polished issue, all of the volunteers named as Associate Editors. To be honest, I'm simple note very good at that type of fine tuning. Thanks everyone.
TEAM BANZAI’S ADVENTURES IN GEOCACHING By Steve "“Rainbow Kitty” Mattsson and Geocaching.com
Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunt using the Global Positioning Satellite network. A GPS unit is an electronic device that can determine your approximate location anywhere on the planet. The basic idea of geocaching is to have individuals hide caches all over the world and share the locations of these “treasures” on the Internet. GPS users can then use the location coordinates to find the caches. Once found, a cache may provide the visitor with a wide variety of booty. The most common rewards are the journey of discovery or a wonderful view, but McDonald’s Happy Meal toys are a staple of many caches. Fresh batteries for your GPS unit are often left by thoughtful geocachers who have come before. Most caches contain at least a log book to record your name and the date of your find.
One of the most sought after rewards in a geocache treasure is the "“Travel Bug”. A Travel Bug is a trackable tag that you attach to an item that has meaning to you. Now you are able to track your item’s real world journey on the web. The item becomes a hitchhiker that is carried from cache to cache and you can follow its progress online via maps and logs. It's up to the owner of the Bug to assign it a mission. The fun of a Travel Bug is inventing new goals for it to achieve. One Bug's goal may be to reach each of the seven continents or simply travel back to its owner’s hometown.
Each Travel Bug has its own unique tracking number stamped on it. This tracking number is used as proof that the item has actually been found. It also doubles as a way for Geocachers to locate the personal web page for the Travel Bug. Travel Bugs are tracked with the help of users who go online and "grab" them from caches. By logging Travel Bug activities on the web, you are mirroring the Bug's real world adventures and sharing them with others who have come in contact with the Bug. Each Travel Bug has its own map and "diary" that follows its movements.
In the summer of ’07 I started attaching Travel Bug tags to Team Banzai wristbands (provided courtesy of Blue Blaze Dragon). Eventually I released ten Team Banzai Travel Bugs into the worldwide network of a half million geocaches. The mission of the Team Banzai Travel Bugs was simple, “No matter where it goes, there it is.”
As of the writing of this article six Team Banzai Travel Bugs are still moving from cache to cache.
● The first Team Banzai wristband started in a difficult to reach cache on Mt Hood in Oregon. It was found and traveled six miles to another wilderness cache and there it sits waiting patiently for the spring.
● Team Banzai wristband.4 has been more active. It started in a cache at an Irish pub in Portland and has made several stops in a 247.7 mile journey east along the Columbia River and into Washington.
● Team Banzai wristband.7 started at the site of the very first Geocache in Beavercreek, Oregon. It has been found, but not yet moved along.
● Team Banzai wristband.8 started in a cache in Tumwater, Washington and has traveled 15.5 miles around the Olympia/Tumwater area.
● Team Banzai wristband.9 started on the coast in Seal Rock, Oregon and has traveled 474.4 miles to the San Francisco bay area.
● Team Banzai wristband.10 started in a difficult to reach cache along the Deschutes River near Madras, Oregon. It has traveled a spiral route 338 miles back to the Portland area. TB.10 has the distinction of being the first of the wristbands to be found by a Buckaroo Banzai fan. A geocacher who goes by the handle “CrazyFoam” wrote, “Couldn’t resist taking this Travel Bug – Buckaroo Banzai is one of my all time favorite movies!” CrazyFoam also posted a photo of the Hong Kong Cavilers on TB.10’s website and he commented on the resemblance of the wristband to Reno’s belts.
But, of course, it is the Team Banzai wristbands that have been lost that have had the greatest adventures.
● Team Banzai wristband.6 started in a superhero themed cache south of Portland. It traveled 998.4 miles through Nevada and California before it was "muggled”. Muggles are what Geocachers call ordinary people who are unfamiliar with geocaching. There is always the danger of muggles discovering a cache by accident and claiming the unearned treasure for their own.
● Team Banzai wristbands.2 and .3 started in caches on the Caribbean coasts of Cozumel and Isla Mujeras in Mexico. This occurred just before Hurricane Dean hit the area. The caches and wristbands have not been seen since, but perhaps they have traveled the furthest distance of them all!
● Team Banzai wristband.5 has had a long strange trip. It started in a cache near a decommissioned submarine in the Portland area. It traveled 2393.9 miles across the country to a cache in North Carolina. There it was caught in a wildland fire! The cache container was destroyed and the wristband was melted, but an intrepid geocacher called “applerun96” managed to save the metallic travel bug tag. He attached the tag to a toy car with a flame motif and sent the now transformed TB.5 back on its journey. Since then it has traveled another 22.3 miles and visited a couple more caches in North Carolina.
Not everybody can lead lives of adventure like the members of Team Banzai, but everyone can live vicariously through Travel Bugs. For more information about geocaching and Travel Bugs in general please log onto Geocaching.com.
Scorched Travel Bug, now attached to a toy car.
To monitor the journeys of the Team Banzai wristband Travel Bugs in particular log onto: http://www.geocaching.com/track/search.aspx?o=1&uid=e4318a36-e0a9-48b9-815a-4d18c5faca68
All But Forgotten Storage List at the Banzai Institute West
This is an incomplete inventory of objects from previous adventures and mementos from the past, odd-ball items given, found and otherwise acquired and stashed at the West Banzai Institute. Some are kept in a file cabinet while most of the unusual items are kept in an old refrigerator that hasn't been working for a very long time, but the door lock is still in good working order.
A book entitled "To Serve Man", First Ed. An N-ray detector hand-made by physicist Snake Plisken's death certificate Rene Prosper Blondlot Photos and negatives from the wedding of Three previous prototypes of the B. Banzai and Peggy Simpson Oscillation Overthruster Marilyn Monroe's eleventh toe Original EM-sensitive film and photo Dozens of unused, of unknown origin keys on negatives from the Eight Dimension several keyrings The Jet Car's complete blueprints marked A pay stub with the words "Central on the cover; CLASSIFIED Intelligence Agency" and "Lee Harvey Professor Hikita's notes on how to built an Oswald" atom bomb using only an abacus A half-burnt manuscript titled "Political Original studio reel to reel tape recording Ethics" of Rocket 88 by Bill Haley and the A pair of dice in a zip-lock baggie marked Saddlemen dated 1951 "God's" VHS copy of Penny Priddy's first and last Mechanic Sam's lock box with a cache of squish video folded $1 bills. Handwritten notes detailing Formula 7x Open box of John Bigboote's business cards Whorfin's hand made knife used to stab an confiscated from Yoyodyne orderly and escape the New Brunswick Secret documentation and spy satellite Home for the Criminally Insane photos showing the Weapons of Mass Photos of Reno's Filipino mail-order wife Destruction in Iraq A disc with Billy's codes used to hack into A tiny transmitter removed from the brain the FBI's files on Monica Lewinsky of Captain Happen Perfect Tommy's lyrics for the song Sample vial of the nerve poison Talava entitled "Emdall" hand-written on a A bone bracelet from La Negrette restaurant napkin Handwritten manuscript of Tommy's Einstein's notes on Project Rainbow testimony before Congress on limiting Original notes and draft copy of the the nuclear arms race environmental action memorandum "'Turn Sealed swastika emblem box of cigars Your Gas Guzzler Into A Hydrogen A piece of the time device from "The Happymobile." Philadelphia Experiment"
The Future of Strike Teams In Question
There is a growing trend, both for military and civilian applications to develop and deploy pilotless aircraft know at Unmanned Ariel Vehicles (UAVs). These flying wastebaskets and model airplane on steroids are already being considered for utilizing by security and law enforcement for boarder patrols and high risk situations. It is just a matter of time, before commercial applications are used for such tasks as haul cargo and even passengers, security patrols, pipeline inspections and such jobs as monitoring forest fires.
Recent Banzai Institute "thought experiments" were conducted on this topic and their use to our Strike Teams. As a reconnaissance and information-gathering tool these devices have great potential, but, keeping our men and women out of harms way, is also very appealing, if the devices could be trusted and reliable.
Buckaroo has given the thumbs-up for research and development of the UAV and first-stage testing in the field along side a Strike Team.
Tropical Rendezvous and the Assassination Attempt On Assignment – Hawaii BBIs Dragon and Abacus
In the spring of 2007, BBIs Abacus and Dragon were dispatched to the island of Oahu Hawaii on an assignment for the Banzai Institute. The majority of the details are still classified; however, there are several points that can be brought to light in this publication.
We were to meet and deliver a handwritten message to an associate over lunch the first day we were on the island. The rental car's navigational system turned out to be invaluable getting around and helped us find the north shore where the legendary Banzai Pipeline gathers surfers and beach bums from around the world. The waves were not particularly eventful on this day, but we stopped to watch and take a few photos. We took a wrong turn trying to get out of the parking lot of the small park and ended up having to turn around before Photo taken by BBI Abacus through the front we could get out on the two lane road. A windshield of our rental car. Please note the left hand car and the serious damage done to it few moments later, a huge palm tree came from the palm tree. down on the street right in front of us, smashing the hood and windshield of the vehicle coming the other direction. If we had not taken that wrong turn causing us a short delay, we have no doubts we would have been the victims. Was someone trying to keep us from our appointment?
Taken a few moments after the first photo, this shows the top of the palm tree after being pulled off the road. It is between the ATV and the person directing traffic.
We headed off with an extra appreciation for dumb luck or intuition and followed directions to where we were to have lunch and meet our contact.
Our next stop was another Northshore hot Considering what was coming, perhaps a less spot, the Banzai Sushi Restaurant. Again, obvious choice of "surfwear" for BBI Dragon with a bit of hindsight, maybe this wasn't might have been appropriate? such a great place to meet our contact, Photo taken at the famous Banzai Pipeline. but sometimes hiding in plain sight is a
good idea. At a table overlooking a Japanese garden, our contact was nowhere to be seen. So, we ordered and waited while sipping iced tea with lemon.
FOR SALE: Vacation photos. Choice of snow/skiing, sunny beach and city scenes. Good for alibis.
FOR SALE BEAUTFUL ENGAGEMENT RING: White gold, 10 diamonds, 1.4 carets. Worn sparingly for only two weeks. "It didn't mean anything. It was just suppose to shut her up. It didn't." Happy to be rid of them both. $800 or OBO.
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WANTED: Hair-cutter/stylist. Apply at Hair’s The spicy tuna & tempura shrimp rolls to You. Excellent growth potential. arrived with miso soup and cucumber salad. Shortly thereafter, our contact arrived DAY-CARE: Experienced Mom will care for and sat at a nearby table. The information your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks was passed discreetly on a trip to the included. restroom, we finished our food, and headed out to continue our day on the Northshore KITCHEN NEEDS SALE: Mixing bowl set sightseeing and shopping. No other designed to please a cook with round problems interrupted our visit to the bottom for efficient beating. island. FOR SALE: An antique desk suitable for The Chinese use two brush strokes to write lady with thick legs and large drawers. the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger, the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger - but recognize the opportunity.” Richard M. Nixon - 37th US President from 1969-74 and victim of his own paranoid obsession with his enemies. 1913-1994 Joe at Moonstone says; "We have the very cool navy blue BB t-shirts still available!"
Unclassified Ads – Grade B Clearance
WANTED: Looking for any memorabilia from the UPN series ”7 Days”. Also looking for original & unique Banzai memorabilia. Will pay top dollar. Email: [email protected]
WANTED: Someone to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You'll get paid when we get back. Must bring your own weapons and food. Your safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
FOUND: Dirty smelly white dog. Looks like a rat. It's been outside a while. No collar. www.Moonstone.com BETTER BE A REWARD.
A Chat with Ric, Mac and Joe A collection of short interviews with the co-creators/writers of the Moonstone Comic stories with Buckaroo Banzai: W.D. Richter and Earl MacRauch as well as Joe Gentile, Moonstone's Editor-in-chief. By Alan "BBI Dragon" Smith
I traveled through the 8th Dimension, or so I thought, for a virtual interview with W.D. Richter (AKA Ric) to chat about, among other topics, the process of writing for the Moonstone Buckaroo Banzai ministries.
As is his nature, I found Ric in his usual humorous mood with the occasional tone of concern over religion and politics.
BBI Dragon: I was wondering about the writing process for the Moonstone Comic scripts. Does MacRauch write the bulk of storylines and dialogue between characters and toss it over to you for input?
Ric: Mac gets an idea and writes it in as short a script form as he can. He sends it to me, and I comment. He takes or leaves my thoughts. If he leaves them, I ride down to his ranch in Texas, and we have a fist fight out by the horse trough. Whoever knocks the other into the trough first gets his ideas in the script. The script is reworked and sent to Joe Gentile at Moonstone, and he tells us it's too long. Mac cuts it. I comment. We slug it out again and send the winner's thoughts to Joe. He "adapts" it into a comic script so that artists can start the rough drawing. The rough black & whites are sent to Mac and me simultaneously, and we comment independently, sending each other what we sent to Joe, who uses what makes sense -- story clarifications, the look of characters and contraptions and environments, even thoughts about eventual colors in wardrobe. The artists then take it to the next step, and we all just keep swapping ideas and looking at the pages as they evolve into full-color extravaganzas with lettering.
D: At what stage does Moonstone's editing staff come into the process?
R: Above should explain this. It's not a "staff".. It's just Joe.
Not really changing the topic, but it might seem that way at first:
R: Buckaroo Banzai recommended that I read a fascinating new book called BLACK MASS (Apocalyptic Religion and the Death of Utopia) by John Gray.
D: I went to Amazon.com and read several reader's reviews on this book. It does look to be right up your mental alleyway, so to speak, given our conversations over the last year or two on religion and politics. I'm curious about a few things: Do you write film scripts using these themes?
R: I don't think of themes when I write. I think of characters in situations and let their impulses create a narrative.
D: So your writing of scripts is based on situations. I can rephrase things...Do the situations you base your script writing on ever venture into the extreme in politics and/or religious situations for your characters?
R: I certainly don't pick situations that are thinly disguised themes. By situations, I mean this person just got dumped by a lover and has fled the state by bus or a professional killer who'd rather run his own little bagel shop takes on a hit to pay the rent but winds up falling hard for his target's best girl and then space aliens abduct all three of them. THAT's a situation. What they say to each other and how they deal with it probably is influenced by their "station" in life and their political beliefs or lack thereof. I write to find out what these people are going to do.
D: What situations are interesting enough these days for you to spend your time writing scripts about, without giving out any secrets that is?
R: Just ordinary people muddling through an extreme world.
When talking with W.D. Richter you can't help but pop into religion and politics. It's a welcome topic and the man is not without his passions, concerns, and valid perspectives.
D: What are your thoughts on the current presidential candidates?
R: The point is to stop McCain, who's a fruitcake; he actually thinks that, "My friends, we're WINNING in Iraq." It's one thing to WANT to win (whatever that might mean), but to think you actually are when you're not? Just the kind of delusional (that word again) brain we need at the controls again. Hillary is one half of a pretty disturbed relationship, and we'd get the whole thing if she got elected. Time's running out for this country. China and Europe and even Latin America are all getting their shit together. We need to rejoin the world and energize America's youth. Obama. Not that he's perfect. But I think he's BY FAR the best of the group.
Bumpersticker file sent to your editor from Ric (file available at: www.geocities.com/bbidragon/worldwatchone/
Back to the Banzai
D: Is there anything happening in the Banzai Universe beyond the next series from Moonstone?
R: Maybe. Can't say yet. Could turn into nothing. Might not. Might be something.
Earl MacRauch – Writer
Dragon: In the short interview I've done with Ric, he gets his pokes in about politics and the Bush administration. If you have something you'd like to say, here is your opportunity as well.
Earl MacRauch: Rick and I trade a lot of e-mails about politics. We both loathe Bush/Cheney for trashing this country and everything it supposedly stands for, but I don't think either of us has any illusions that it's just those two guys or even the Republican Party that's the problem, because the real problem is systemic. Democracy is just a charade when all the candidates need money from the same people to get elected. This country really needs more choices, but that won't happen with the corporate power bloc and their mouthpiece media standing in the way. Anyone who gets very far out of line from the official political orthodoxy in this country--low taxes, big war, etc.--gets pounced on and beaten up pretty quickly. If a candidate wants to get on TV, he or she has to move to the right.
Having said that, we both back Obama, if for no other reason than the fact that he's got half a million ordinary people who send him money. With that kind of base, he can be a little
more independent of big money, even say 'screw you' to some of the usual lobbies. He can, but I don't know if he will, assuming he's nominated and elected...still very much an open question.
The truth is, no matter who's President, America is in eclipse, and nothing's going to change that. Global power is moving east, out of the white man's hands, which is probably just as well. It won't happen overnight, but it's happening.
D: From your side of things, how do you feel about the process of writing for Moonstone?
Mac: Joe at Moonstone has been easy to work with and very supportive. It just takes a long time to draw and produce a comic and there are several in the pipeline being worked on simultaneously. What's cool, and also a little weird, is to see how each artist has a different take. Buckaroo and the characters all look slightly (or a lot) different in each comic. I'm sure as the process goes on things will become a little more standardized, but right now it reminds me of looking at Walt Disney's rough drafts of Mickey Mouse from the 1930s. And we all know what happened to Mickey Mouse, what a miserable failure he was. It's all just part of the process. Hopefully, people will find the results worth the wait.
D: Do you have other writing projects you work on, hobbies, something to pass the times?
Mac: I'm writing a script and a Buckaroo novel, but probably spending more time reading than writing. Lately, I'm in love with Charlotte Bronte. God, she's great. The absolute bomb. Everybody reads "Jane Eyre" in high school, but I just finished "Villette"...amazing, such texture and deep characters and just great writing. Maybe we should have a BB book club.
As for hobbies, I make really hot mix tapes. I mean smokin' hot: rock, hip-hop, salsa, you name it, all thrown together in a sound soup guaranteed to please. If my mix tapes don't make you jive, you ain't alive. Send $1 for postage and handling and if you're not satisfied, go ask your mama...
My last kid leaves for college this fall, so I should have a little more time to write, or maybe just put the cans on and be my bad self.
Joe Gentile with Moonstone Comics
BBI Dragon: From your perspective on the writing and creation process for the BB Moonstone Comic, when Mac and Ric send you scripts, what happens with them?
Joe: What happens to them…well, first I read them and enjoy! Still a huge BB fan at heart, so it’s still thrilling to be reading new adventures from the main man Mac!
After that, the truth of the matter sets in. Mac basically writes me a screen play which I have to adapt into comic format. It sounds quite simple, but is extremely time consuming. Movies and comics are close cousins, but not identical! We also have this on-going amusement of trying to figure out how many comic pages it will take to tell his new story.
You know, for a screenwriter, it’s all about “how many pages equals how many minutes,” but for comics…its not like that at all.
What could take just two sentences to say in a screenplay (i.e. “Banzai looks at Tommy with a wry smile, jumps off his horse, kisses the bikini babe with a big sweeping smooch, waves to his fans, and then gets into his waiting limo because the president just called”…this takes 2 lines in a screenplay, but easily takes more than one comic page to properly portray. So, with Mac and I, it’s been a little give and take, because even though I may want a 22 page comic story from him, what he sends me may be a lot more than that…or a lot less…
D: Your expansion clarifies the basic writing challenges between the two formats very well.
When a writer is working directly on a comic script, it must be a much more condensed style. It is wonderful that Moonstone has saddled up with Mac and Ric who are script and book authors, but one can't wonder if taking "Writing for Comics 101" could be helpful for everyone involved.
J: Thanks for everything! We DO try our best, and hopefully we succeed more than we fail…but always know that we love these characters and are trying to do right by them.
Rick and Mac…you really couldn’t ask for better licensors or creators…what great guys…genuinely.
Changing the subject just a little
D: Everyone has their story, their introduction to Buckaroo Banzai and Team Banzai. Please tell us yours.
J: I just walked into the theatre to see the film when it came out…It called to me, like a siren on a lonely beach…It was like a modern day pulp adventure…and as a HUGE fan of the Shadow, Doc, the Spider, and the Avenger, man was I pumped for it! There were, sadly, just a handful of us in the theatre, but we all loved it!
D: There was mention a while back of another project, a Buckaroo Banzai Encyclopedia. From what I recall, this tidbit might have been announced before all the ducks had been put in a row. Is there any news on such a project?
J: No news, sadly…
D: How is progress with OF HUNAN BONDAGE coming?
J: ACH! Running a little late…but almost there!
Joe want everyone to know that they still have a supply of “Return of the Screw” Issues #1,2,3, as well as these fine products at: www.moonstonebooks.com
“Return of the Screw” TPB, which collects the 3
“American Samurai”, 18” x 24” signed and issue series, PLUS all kinds of bonus materials: numbered litho by Dave Dorman! unused covers, alternate ending, interviews, character dossiers, etc!
Project Wristband Phase One has come to an end. There are less than 50 of the 500 wristbands left and these will be set aside to be used to replace any given away by participants of the project.
Project Wristband Phase Two "What the hell is phase two?"
Simply put - Phase Two is sharing your photos of BBI's on assignment wearing their Team Banzai wristbands. The following are only a sampling of the photos and stories we've received for Phase Two of Project Wristband.
BBI Rainbow Kitty snorkels with a Whale Shark Rhincodon typus off of Isla Contoy, Mexico. 8-15-07
In Knoxville, Tennessee, BBI Natrix envisions crushing this landmark. It is a suspected World Crime League operation occupying the abandoned restaurant at the top.
BBI Micky holding a cat Felis domestica
BBI Rainbow Kitty points out a Southern Stingray Dasytis Americana while scuba diving at Manchones Reef off of Isla Mujeres, Mexico. 8-14-07 (R.I.P. Steve Irwin) BBI Dragon on tour of movie shooting locations in Hawaii
been there for a couple hours when the Manager-On-Duty came to the end of her shift and wandered over to kibitz with her old gang in my section of the room. A phone agent sitting nearby overheard the support crew & MOD carrying on about rehabbing items & reconstructing clothes to include gadgets, so he wandered over at the end of his shift. The topic morphed through television into movies into who did and who didn't write on the side. He wanted to know who did what kind of writing, so our two resident wanna-be screenwriters spoke up, then I admitted to writing too. By this time, he'd seen the wristband and was on the verge of figuring it out, so when he asked what subgenre, I showed him the Moonstone Winged-Bs t-shirt I had on. THIS he recognized at once, and was understandably surprised that we were still out here since he hadn't really seen or heard anything for nearly 20 years. I came home with a bare wrist again. BBI Dragon at the Banzai Pipeline BBI Saber reports: BBI Lowlight reports: The other evening, BayCon went well. I have a couple of Stomp and Panda dragged me to the local wristbands left I plan on putting out in outlet mall for the Grand Opening of the Fanzine lounge at Westercon - they Cabela's. In and of itself it was fairly were very popular during BayCon. I also interesting, but once Panda had seen all had a small ton of the last batch of pens the animal displays and the electronic left and I put those out as well at BayCon shooting gallery (which at 2 weeks old was in the Fanzine lounge. People were very already malfunctioning badly), he was more excited about both the pens and the interested in hiking most of the way down wristbands and I got a lot of "Oh man I the mall to spend his birthday money at LOVED that movie" comments. Games Workshop. About 2 doors shy of the workshop, I was a little surprised to spot a gent in a Yoyodyne t-shirt of fairly recent vintage. Naturally, I had to comment that it'd been awhile since I'd seen one, which surprised him rather more. By the time all was said and done, the wristband headed out the door on his arm rather than mine and he was looking forward to checking out the list. Add another one to the list of folks who'll never hear "John, John, John, John, John..." the same again.
I took Panda to see an ophthalmologist. They did a quick pre-screening, and then put us in the exam room and the doctor turned up only a few minutes later. He introduced himself to Panda, then to me, and the next words out of his mouth were "Buckaroo Banzai!" Panda came home from the exam with a recommendation to have a screening for a vision coordination issue and I came home with a bare wrist.
I went in to work at my usual time and had BBI Fizz in a train station outside Yokohama Japan while on assignment with Team Banzai
www.BidNip.com BBI Fizz in Japan after a re-creation of a samurai battle posing with one of the samurai.
HISTORICAL HANOI SHAN UPDATE By Steve “Rainbow Kitty” Mattsson
Enydoyoy (pronounced "en-ee-doy-oy") are [email protected] the innovators of the self- In 2004, the Twentieth Anniversary Edition disposing rice- of WORLD WATCH ONE published the article paper shower “Where Buckaroo Banzai and Hanoi Xan Based curtains carried on Real People?” (article archived at exclusively at http://www.worldwatchonline.com/ww120th.pdf) Wal-mart stores. Most of the source material for this Their article came from the long out-of-print international book “Warped in the Making: Crimes of Love marketing and Hate” by criminologist H. Ashton-Wolfe. campaign with The book’s most recent edition was issued their "Mold & in 1928 and featured two stories about the Scum Propulsion historical criminal Hanoi Shan and his System" and crime spree in London and Paris in 1906. catch slogan "If Fortunately, a facsimile version of this Our Curtain Isn't book was printed last year by Kessinger There, Nothing Publishing and is available from Can Grow On it!" has put this company in http://www.amazon.com. At a price of $35.68 the forefront marketing and bathroom the book is not cheap, but it is in stock communities around the world. and ready for shipping.
The shower curtains are twelve cents a Even more interesting is the discovery piece sold by the package of one dozen for that Ashton-Wolfe’s 1910 tome titled “The $1.45 and are good for two showers before Thrill of Evil” also features a true tale of they dissolve and harmlessly run down the Hanoi Shan. This story, titled “Kiki: A Tale drain. of Hanoi Shan, The Spider”, tells of a murderous transvestite minion of Hanoi Shan and the small black-and-white sheep- dog that foils their plans. “The Thrill of Evil” is occasionally available on http://www.amazon.com for under $40.00.
Remember: In the Blue Blaze Irregulars’ continuing struggle against the forces of The World Crime League, knowledge is power! Know your enemy!
Buckaroo Banzai The Prequel #1 Regular Cover by Moonstone Books. Artist: David Palumbo
NOW IT CAN BE TOLD: SECRETS OF IRREGULAR TRAVELS REVEALED! By Steve “Rainbow Kitty” Mattsson [email protected]
For reasons that should now be apparent, I was not being entirely truthful when I wrote the article titled Irregular Travels published in the previous issue of the World Watch One Underground Edition.
In early July of ’06, we did more than test Team Banzai wristbands in the Arctic Ocean. We also evaluated the village of Barrow, Alaska as a refuge against vampires.
In late August of ’06, our explorations the Mayan ruins of Tulum in Mexico weren’t really to update the liner notes of The Hong Kong Cavilers’ CD Your Place or Mayan? We were actually conducting a feasibility study of the ruins as a fortress against zombies.
Anybody who has seen the films Planet Terror (April ‘07) and 30 Days of Night (October ’07) will know the results of our “defense against the undead” simulations. Thumbs way up for Tulum against zombies! Not so much for Barrow against vampires…
small town's husband-and-wife Sheriff team stand between the survivors and certain destruction.
BBI Rainbow Kitty visits the real WILEY POST/WILL ROGERS MEMORIAL AIRPORT in Barrow (7-’06) Photo by BBI Cactus Flower BBI Rainbow Kitty scans the ice on Point Barrow for polar bears...or is it vampires? (7-'06) Photo by BBI Cactus Flower
The airport in the simulated Barrow from the film 30 Days of Night (’07)
30 Days of Night (’07) Director: David Slade Writers: Steve Niles and Stuart Beattie Release Date: 19 October 2007 (USA) Genre: Horror, Thriller Plot: An isolated Alaskan town that is plunged A Barrow Vampire from the film into darkness for a month each year when the 30 Days of Night (’07) sun sinks below the horizon. As the last rays of light fade, the town is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires bent on an uninterrupted orgy of destruction. Only the
A Tulum Zombie from the film Planet Terror (’07)
Planet Terror aka Grindhouse Presents: Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror. Director: Robert Rodriguez Writer: Robert Rodriguez Genre: Action, Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller
BBI Rainbow Kitty doesn’t look the least bit Summery: After an experimental bio-nerve worried about zombies. Tulum, Mexico (8-’06) gas is accidentally released at a remote Photo by BBI Cactus Flower U.S. military base in Texas, those exposed to the gas turn into flesh-eating, mutating zombies out to kill. An assortment of various people who include stripper Cherry, her shady mechanic ex-boyfriend Wray, a strong-willed doctor, the local sheriff, and an assortment of various people must join forces to survive the night as the so-called "sickos" threaten to take over the whole town and the world. A few quotes from the film: Sheriff Hague: You cook that meat at 250 degrees don't you? J.T. Hague: I don't remember. I set the heat with my hands. Sheriff Hague: You give me that recipe or
The Mayan ruins in Tulum (8-’06) I'll raise your rent higher than a Georgia Photo by BBI Rainbow Kitty pine. J.T. Hague: Brother, ain't no Texan's ever gonna give you his BBQ recipe, that's a fact! He'll take it to his grave! I could be bleedin' like a stuck pig and I ain't gonna tell ya! I could be dyin' in your arms and I ain't gonna tell ya! (hangs up phone) J.T. Hague: Heh heh heh! Sheriff Hague: (to himself) We'll see about that.
The Rapist: I've seen me a lot of weird shit in my day, but I ain't never seen a one- legged stripper. I seen me a stripper with
Fortified ruins in Tulum from the film one breast. And I seen me a stripper with Planet Terror (’07) twelve toes. I've even seen me a stripper with no brains at all, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. And I've been to Morocco.
Film notes added by Lead Editor
Strange Science and The Banzai Institute
The Banzai Institute Speculates on humans will be having sex with robots Emerging Technologies within 5 years, with romantic relationships not long after. He goes on to speculate Biometric Security that human-robot marriages will be legal It isn't far off, the day when it is by 2050. commonplace to use fingerprint, voice, iris, If a self-aware robot commits suicide, will or retinal scans to access buildings and anyone mourn? Who's going to foot the bill the internet or to make purchases, instead for the funeral? If your robot isn't of the plastic cards and metal keys to interested in sex, will we be likely to hear which we are accustomed. Team Banzai has "Not tonight honey, I have to reboot?" its eye on iris scans as the next breakthrough in security access in and Pandora's Box – Rise Of The Machines? around the two Institutes. Just remember, Professor Noel Sharkey, a robotics and when your body becomes your password, artificial intelligent expert from the don't lose it. University of Sheffield, warns that we are heading in a dangerous direction as Space Tourism technologies are developed to save human Just next year, Virgin Galactic will launch lives. Several thousand robots are the first-of-its-kind public suborbital currently deployed on the ground in Iraq space flight, and a ticket-to-ride will set along with unmanned "eye in the sky" you back a mere $200,000. With NASA aircraft (UAVs). In fact, one is being used foreseeing the first space hotels floating above the West Institute as step-up in the among the starts within the next two facilities security. At this time, humans decades, one has to wonder at the are making the decisions whether to attack possibilites. Zero-g honeymoon suites will or not, but a recent policy shift in the U.S give a whole new meaning to joining the means that 'intelligent' autonomous attack "mile-high club." Around the cafeteria table, robots will soon be given the power to many at the Banzai Institute wonder: Will decide for themselves. they be leaving a chocolate on your pillow, or a moon rock? Professor Sharkey goes on to warn that once these decision-making killing machines The Holodeck are let loose, it will just be a matter of Virtual-reality is already a reality, if not time before they are captured and hacked, a bit primitive, in games, on the internet, or perhaps even reverse engineered, for and with 3D movies getting their comeback use by terrorists. in recent years. The possibilities are wide open, from The remotely virtual reality pets, cheap vacations, and controlled (for parties to dating and even VR sex. We now) VIPeR wonder though: If you have sex in VR, what robot made by constitutes "safe sex," and can there be VR the Israeli babies as a result? And what about VR company Elbit sexually transmitted viruses? If you Systems Ltd is mistreat your VR pet, is there going to be able to be a VR PETA protest in front of your VR retrofitted home? Will virtual reality make meth look with a like Sanka? Might there be a whole new multitude of need for a 12-step program to get those equipment hooked on VR unhooked and back to so- from bomb- called real life? sniffing and disposal devices to grenades, pistols and even Uzi submachine guns. Self-Aware Human Smart Computers It is said that 98% of U.S. households have a Professor Sharkey says we are maybe ten television, 81% have a DVD player, 78% have years from this becoming a reality the way personal computers, and 91% have use of at technology is advancing and has called for least one car. Some technology geeks an international code of ethics for predict that by 2025 robots will outsell autonomous robot use in war. the automobile. Artificial intelligence researcher David Levy at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands says that
"I do not know with what weapons World Seve ral scientific sites posted their claim War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will because it seemed reasonable, as children be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein, Physicist, 1879 – 1955 in science fairs have for years built similar devices to power liquid crystal Don't Flush It -- Breathe It clocks that are powered by the acid in The key to a major hurdle for extended many kinds of fruits and vegetables. space travel and off-planet colonization is However, meeting the power demands of a to transform urine into breathable air. This PC (even the pranksters admitted) is technology that has been around since the impossible with just a few potatoes. 1970's, but the general public has little knowledge or understanding of the Experts have, interestingly enough, since equipment. NASA's Oxygen Generation calculated that such a server could be System, or OGS, is in effect an updated powered by spuds. Depending on the version of Russia's Elektron, which uses computer, it could require as few as 100 electrolysis to turn purified urine into potatoes or as many as 450 tons of spuds. breathable air. A vacuum-distillation However, before anyone goes ordering a system removes the dissolved solids in (few) truck loads of tubers with plans to urine so the resulting water is pure use them as an alternative power source, enough to put into the OGS. From there, the keep in mind that you'll need to change out space station's wastewater is split into the potatoes every few days. hydrogen and oxygen through electrolysis. At this time the hydrogen is discarded The Banzai Institute knows that Doctor into space, while the oxygen is added to Lizardo, AKA Lord Whorfin, developed the the crew cabin, however with advancements use of potatoes as a dynamic power source, in the process, hydrogen could be stored as seen in Return Of The Screw. This for fuel-cell use. technology is being researched with obvious real-world applications by the Potato Web Server engineers with Team Banzai. "The system Originally dubbed an internet hoax, there used advanced scientific formulas coupled is the possibility that this has real-world with alien technology, but it was applications, especially when Team Banzai developed here using Earth-based methods." takes into account the potato-driven Engineer "Tesla" states in a Class B technology seen in Moonstone Comics' Classified briefing document. adaptation of the adventure Super-size "We have all the notes and an energy Those Fries, printed in graphic-novel pistol at the Institute. The reverse format as The Return Of The Screw. engineering we have accomplished is very promising."
Bean Powered Cars Chemists and engineers are developing the technology to use beans, and other foods, for fuel in automobiles. The gases created when certain enzymes and bacteria are introduced to beans are mostly carbon dioxide, hydrogen, and methane. The latter two are flammable. We know what you're thinking – Fart Mobile.
"“They think they can make fuel from horse manure - Now, I don't know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning." Billie Holiday, 1915-1959, American jazz singer from the 1930s to the 1950s,
Back in 1998, some online practical jokers uploaded photos claiming they had created a web server powered by the acid in common potatoes.
Updates - The Equipment of Team Banzai Since having a Look-At-Me cell phone is a strategic maneuver calculated to fill your The Jet Car social, political, or ideological rivals with Since the mid-80's, when the amazing Jet Car either confusion or enough envy to knock captivated everyone's attention and them off their game, the Institute is imagination via the docudrama The testing the efficacy of a state-of-the-art Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the device housed in a classic non-dial Eighth Dimension, there have been some Stromberg Carlson. major modifications to the vehicle. The heavy, black, Rockets have been mounted on hydraulic totally unexpected fins so that it can fly, taking off and handset doubles as landing vertically. This has greatly a communications increased this significantly modified Ford device and Truck's usefulness to Team Banzai. There is truncheon and also a defensive dome turret nestled on holsters across the the back, with an offensive "watch our shoulder backs" machine-gun. In addition, several perpendicular to rocket-propelled explosive devices have the collarbone. When not in use, it rests in been added for good measure to clear an utterly simple cradle. It is wireless obstacles or reach out and touch the bad- and voice-activated, stores twelve million guys from a distance. numbers and understands and translates 79 languages in real time. It has a variety of The Oscillation Overthruster's use was put other still-classified features, some of to a quick halt after the serious emotional which involve robotic neurosurgerical and physical side-effects it produced in techniques under development by Dr. Dr. Banzai months after that fateful Banzai. The original phone appears in the experiment when he, as General Catbird is image above. It is currently code-named quoted, "… took our notions of reality and THE WENT PHONE because it is so fast it turned them inside out…". connects in negative time. Over two decades would pass, and thousands of hours of research and When asked for clarification on how the development went into working with the new device would be worn we were told to device and its potential. But not until the think of it as an epaulet running death of Mr. Wizard of television fame did perpendicular to the shoulder. The ear the answers Team Banzai needed come to and mouth pieces hang over the wearer's light. Thanks go to Perfect Tommy, who back and chest; "point over" is a better bought Mr. Wizard's personal papers from description because they're obviously his estate and donated them to the stubby. Just take a real phone, not one of Institute Library. A young BBI researcher those cell-phone flat jobs, and perch the stumbled upon Mr. Wizard's own thoughts on handset on your shoulder, left side if Overthruster physics, and a clue to a you're right-handed, with the ear piece better device was found. Several false over your back. starts later, the Institute had a side- effect-free version of the Overthruster, Now...DRAW your phone! but BB decreed that it be tested for ten years (until 2017) on Institute-to-Institute Right hand swings up, grabs phone while (East to West and vice versa) travels only. mouth is saying "Get me Tommy". By the time the phone is to your right ear, call The GoPhones Are Returning, Well Sort Of has already "went" to Tommy, and if he's by Introducing: The Went Phone his own Went Phone, you're yakking.
A year ago, this newsletter reported the Many styles of holsters will be available astonishing news that the Banzai Institute's at the Institute, but the design team GoPhones had been "lost in the mail" when assumes most users will fashion their own. sent for major upgrading. The simple truth is that the communication devices are not expected to be returned, lost in some junk box in the back of a warehouse or perhaps in the hands of a Chinese tech corporation being reversed engineered.
We have to move on.
Zero Gravity has, until recently, only been The Vortex Cannon is a field-tested (thanks obtainable on what has been nicknamed "the to BBI Micky), non-lethal weapon that vomit comet" or by reaching Earth orbit or produces a donut shaped shockwave that beyond. However, Team Banzai reverse can knock a person down at a range of ten engineered a piece of alien equipment and yards and can carry outward any type of was able to produce a reliable zero chemical, such as tear gas. This weapon is gravity field. When the "unclaimed real- an excellent alternative for our Strike estate" east of the Banzai Institute in Teams when they are in need of an option Arizona was excavated, another missile silo other than using deadly force. was discovered. After nearly a year of volunteered work on the project, the silo was cleaned out and retrofitted with the new technology, and on Halloween 2007 the Zero G Gymnasium was opened. Needless to say, it was quite the scream of a party!
"“It is appallingly obvious our technology has exceeded our humanity." Albert Einstein, 1879-1955, American Physicist who developed the special and general theories of relativity. Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921.
www.TeamSites.com
Black and white drafts from The Prequel by Moonstone Books Art by Chewie, left: page 11, right: page 15
Black and white drafts From Buckaroo Banzai Wild Asses of the Kush by Moonstone Books Art by Paul Henley, left: page 21, right: page 27
Black and white drafts from Origin; Tomb with a View by Moonstone Books Art by Amin Amat, left: page 11, right: page 13
It Sells Books by Alan "BBI Dragon" Smith originally written in the Fall of 1999 Revised Spring 2008 Editing by BBI Natrix
"I have heard it said that fame is the sum of misunderstandings that accumulate around a well known name." Somewhere in Asia, a tall man recites these words as he reclines on a comfortable couch in a health clinic. The two men had been alone in this darkened room for nearly an hour now.
"Those are the only words of truth that corrupt fable-writer Reno has ever put in print!" He clenches both fists in anger. "Everything that has been told of me is a deception! All this lying so that dunce Buckaroo Banzai can be the righteous hero! That is how they operate. The worse they make the bad guy out to be, the greater the good guy will seem."
The room’s other occupant sits in a large chair across from the angry man. He tries to relax his voice before speaking. "Why do you feel that others are telling lies about you?"
"It is obvious! To make that Banzai character look extraordinary! They spread lies about me across the globe just to sell books. I will recite the long list of lies for you." He shuts his eyes and settles into the cushions.
"First, there is this propaganda that I am somehow a ruthless underworld figure in charge of an international ring of rogues and killers. That is the furthest from the truth. I admit, some of my business activities do cross over into the gray areas of the law. With competition in a global economy, it’s dog-eat-dog, and only the toughest dogs survive. It's getting harder to make a decent profit margin anymore. As for the deceiving notion that I am leader of this 'World Crime Organization,' it's absurd. I know quite a few people, granted. They know quite a few people. I am well connected, that's all. It's not some grandiose conspiracy." His face grows red.
"That's only the start. There is this rumor that I'm 600 years old, too. It's laughable! That's what 'they' want the world to believe. I'm only 57! I take offense to the thought that I am centuries old! Do I look that old to you?" With eyes open he glances over to the man in the chair.
The answer is a quick and confirming "NO!"
The reply seems to please him, and his face begins to return to its normal color. "Someone, somewhere, made this assumption that I have been around for centuries. I am the 8th generation male to carry the same name. Maybe that's how some idiot got confused." He raises a fist in exasperation, "People can be so dense!"
He continues, "There are reports that my henchmen all have one ear cut off. Ridiculous! How in the world are my employees going to operate anywhere walking around with one ear? Think about it. Let's just tattoo 'bad guy' on their forehead and see how long they last. Do you really believe I could get a good HMO to cover my people if we cut off their ears? Between the likely need for counseling and the high chance of infections, the premiums would be impossible!" He nods his head several times, "Okay, once a very long time ago, I believe it was my great great grandfather. He was training some men in the military and they were all drunk. Several of his men played a practical joke on him. Something to do with the bladder of a goat, the details are sketchy. He was furious and punished them by nailing their ears to a tree. Granted, that was a bit extreme, but he, too, was intoxicated. Later they were handed a knife to free themselves. It happened once, and that Reno makes it sound as if it's standard operating procedure!" He clenches his fists again in anger.
"While I am on the subject of doing evil things, there are several fabrications that are so-
called 'common knowledge.' For instance, the slanderous suggestion that I was responsible for the deaths of Buckaroo Banzai's parents. Those idiots were sitting on a pile of highly explosive chemicals, for heaven's sake. They should have taken more precautions. Accidents are inevitable when your scientific enthusiasm blinds you to simple safety issues.
"Nearly thirty years later, I am blamed for the death of Banzai's young wife. Absolute nonsense!" He shakes his head in disbelief. "Back in the early 80's, remember it was the 'ME' decade?" He, glances at the other man, "They all did dope back then. That fiancée of his probably snorted a line before the wedding and had a heart attack! If those Team Banzai people weren't so grief stricken they could have done a toxicology test on her and discovered the truth. NO, it's easier to live in denial and blame someone else."
"How do you feel about being blamed for killing people?"
The face of the man on the couch shows signs of reflection. Finally he says, "It's an unfortunate backlash of fame, I guess. There is always someone out there willing to point the finger."
The man in the chair looks at his wrist watch, an act that does not go unnoticed.
"I am not finished. There are more contrived tales of my so called 'power'. Those worthless books. They say that, with some fishnet made of the joints of fallen warriors, I am mysteriously able to conjure up a creature called, and get this," he laughs, "a Death Dwarf! Now if I could do a trick like that, would I be working for a living?" He shakes his head. "Dwarves? Like from the Wizard of Oz?" He laughs again, and in a mocking falsetto voice, sings, "We represent the Lollypop Guild, the lollypop guild…"
The man in the chair hesitantly suggests, "I think those were munchkins. Is there anything else you want to talk about?" He hopes there isn't.
"Yes! That damned Reno has the whole world brainwashed into thinking that there is some terrible blood feud between my ancestors and those who carry the name Banzai. More exaggerations and distortions. I will admit that hundreds of years ago there were some issues that came between our families. The story goes that two of our great great great great, oh hell, I don’t recall how many greats. Anyway, two men in love with the same woman, a tragedy that's been repeated for as long as man has walked this earth and had desires. Some people were killed and all the generations after that told of the tragic story. It was blown out of proportion over time and eventually called a 'blood feud', misguided fools." He scratches his nose, "I assume it sells books."
"So, this war between your families is untrue, okay." The man in the chair attempts to steer the patient to a conclusion of the session, "Now tell me, what do you like to do for fun? You do have fun, right?"
"Fun? That's easy, American television! Those soap operas are irresistible. The human drama is so compelling, I sure do enjoy them. And the WWE, it's fantastic!" He smiles for the first time in the session.
The other man asks, "WWE?"
"Yes, WWE, and they say I am the one who lives in a cave!" He raises a fist and shakes it, "Professional wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment, Smack Down!"
"Why do you watch these soap operas and wrestling?"
"Why do you think? I spend ten months out of the year in the jungle and there isn't a damn
thing to do out there! The jungle is hot, and it's full of bugs!" He picks at a hang nail. "Why, television is the only thing I have for entertainment, it keeps me sane. I have satellite, it's great, over 300 channels" He smiles brightly and has a far away look in his eyes.
"American television, very interesting. This is what you do for fun? This makes you feel happy?"
"Yes it does, and it passes the time." He turns to the other man and scowls, "What? Is there something wrong with enjoying television?"
"Not at all, not at all. That's very good." He looks at his wrist watch, "We have accomplished a lot for one sitting. It's been a good first session. Let's continue, oh, when, say next week, shall we?" He nervously forces a grin.
"I am sorry doctor, but I will not be able to see you next week. It's business, you understand?"
The man in the chair is not able to hide his relief, "Well then, you give me a call when you can see me again." His mind rushes with the process of moving out of the country in the next few days.
The reclining man swings his feet over the side of the couch and nods his head cheerfully, "I feel better, thank you, it's sure good to talk to someone." With that, he stands and stretches.
"Have a nice day."
"You too!"
The man strides to the door and opens it with an unnatural grace. A third man is waiting outside the door in the reception area. He draws a concealed, flame-shaped blade as he enters the darkened room. By the time the man in the chair notices him, it is too late to scream.
The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of W. D. Richter, Earl MacRauch and Moonstone Books. No Infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission.
Excerpts From: Hanoi Xan's Little Book Of Wisdom
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."
"The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness. However, man's wickedness combined with the supernatural multiplies evil ten fold."
"All that is necessary for good to succeed is that evil do nothing."
"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials."
"When shooting a man in the back, always keep an eye on your own."
"If my people are evil only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed."
Some Final Thoughts Lead Editor – Alan "BBI Dragon" Smith
This volume of the Underground Edition of The World Watch One started even before the Spring of 2007 issue was completed. That's the way I work, always one foot taking the next step forward.
I had every intension of publishing another issue last year, sometime in fall of 2007 but as these projects always turn out, I ended up way, way behind schedule. I did have some challenges along the way, folks got busy and distracted so they didn't get around to writing for this newsletter. I got busy and distracted along the way too. Funny how that works out.
As I was going over this edition for the final pass, mostly formatting changes and getting the separate files ready to crunch together, I came to realize that this was a BIG issue. There were well over forty pages and I was a bit concerned about the download size.
A few years ago, when the two newsletter Lead Editors decided to split up and take different approaches, as timing would have it, we were both going to finish up our respective editions at about the same time. BBI Arclight asked if there was any thought to delaying one of them so that the members of Team Banzai would get two issues of the World Watch One spread out that year. Both Lead Editors were eager to get our newsletters out and both were mailed just a week apart. In hindsight, our timing could have been a little better, but working separately with little communication between the two offices ended up with this result. There is a saying, "in the eleventh hour" and it is an expression referring to the last moments before a deadline or just before the six-shooter signals the start of the race. Well, to use this metaphor, it was 11:53 when I heard BBI ArcLight's words echo in my mind again.
So, here I was, just finishing up on over 40 pages of edited copy. As BBI Natrix emailed me the edited story "It Sells Books" I replied with heartfelt appreciation and thought out loud as it were, when one is typing, that with so many pages maybe I might get the inspiration to spilt it all up into two issues, one now in the Spring of 2008 and another one maybe late summer.
I was so inspired, that is what I've done.
Stay tuned fellow members of Team Banzai, because there WILL be another issue later this year and it's all pretty much ready. If you have something you'd like to write or otherwise contribute to it, drop me an email and we'll chat. If you'd like to be a sponsoring advertiser and help back future give-a-way items, let me know.
See you all later this year,
BBI Dragon [email protected]