The Bronx Journal/December 2001 S P O RT S A 1 5 One in Ten Thousand GREG VAN VOORHIS The Michael Jordan Chronicles: Month One SPORTS EDITOR magine life if ‘one in ten thousand’ Mike’s new team, is now a one- miracles took place on a regular man show, and after ending the basis rather than once in a lifetime, if first month of the season with a ever at all. 2-game winning streak, their For some, that .01% can be enough to first thus far, their record of 5-10 fuel them to strive towards their goal, as in is proof of that. the film Dumb and Dumber, in which Jim As of December 1st, Michael Carrey was told by the woman whom he is 6th in the NBA in scoring at falls in love with at first sight, that he had 25.5 points per contest. Michael a one in a million chance of being with her. has shown that after a three and He replies, with a huge, goofy grin, “So, a half year lay-off, he still pos- you’re tellin’ me there’s a chance.” sesses the ability to score against Consider him the epitome of an optimist. elite competition at the highest He sees the glass as half full and there’s level, although his numbers have only a drop left, and these are even worse fallen off in the last few weeks odds than one in ten thousand. as he has seen his minutes cut to Unfortunately, not many people react to favor his troublesome knee and slim possibilities the way Jim Carrey did. allow his younger teammates to If they did, could you imagine the possibil- play more. ities? For instance... One of these players is Richard - My mother told me that I have a .01% Hamilton who, in his third year, chance of getting a new car for graduation has become the only formidable (Little do they know I’m purposely run- teammate for Michael on the ning my current car to the ground. Just kid- Wizards, averaging a fairly con- ding, Mom). sistent 17.5 points per game. The - My friends say that I have a .01% #1 over-all pick in this past draft, chance of dating a Sports Illustrated swim- Kwame Brown, has looked all of suit model (I think they’re higher than that. his young 19 years of age, as he I’ve been hitting the gym). has shown very little immediate - Our very own Lehman Basketball impact ability for Washington. Coach Steve Schulman said that I had a Christian Laettner, a teammate .01% chance of making it to the NBA (To of Michael’s on the 1992 origi- this, I say there’s always a chance that a nal Dream Team, has been 5’9’’ college tennis player can grow 10 inconsistent to date, but posting inches after graduation, and hey, there’s a decent 10.5 points per game, always a spot on the terri-Bulls). he is mainly their only low-post I think you are catching my drift here. If threat. slim possibilities became possible or even The major question mark on expected, then come June, you would see this team, as this writer sees it, me drive by Lehman in a Porsche, waving has been the play of second-year money around, with my arms around Heidi player Courtney Alexander, who Klum. But life just doesn’t work that way, relished becoming a starter in at least not for the unlucky 99.99% of the the last handful of games last population. season after coming to D.C. in a But you know what.... mid-season trade for disgruntled After retiring for the second time in his forward Juwon Howard. The #6 career in 1998, Michael Jordan once told draft choice in 2000, Alexander us, his adoring, every-day, common folk has failed to show his scoring fans, the unlucky bunch, that there was ability this season, managing only a .01% chance that he would return to only 4.8 points per game, on a the game that he had mastered, and lo and team in dire need of a scorer off Jordan-- on the shot heard round the world, ing franchise around. When Michael decid- behold... of the bench. If Alexander were to start to the one which won a third straight champi- ed to return, he said that his goal would be HEEEEEEEE’S BAAAAAAAACK!!! catch fire for the Wiz, it would make it a onship for the second time for Mike and to turn the franchise into a playoff team by That’s right, folks! Michael is back, for whole lot easier for Michael who has the Bulls. the end of his tenure with the team. good or for bad. No longer are we going to shouldered most of the scoring load all sea- You would have thought that Russell Michael signed a two year contract for the have to think back to his game winning, son. In fact, Michael is responsible for 36% would be out for redemption, but Michael veteran’s minimum, $1 million per season, N B A Championship winning, Hall of of his team’s points, and dishes out 5 lit him up for 44 points, most of which of which this season’s full salary has been Fame clinching, unbelievable, unsur- assists per game, which means that he was were done against Russell’s coverage. The donated to the relief efforts of the terrorist mountable, unbeatable, perfect jumpshot responsible for even more of his team’s Wizards ultimately lost the game, but on attacks on September 11th. against the Utah Jazz as his last shot ever. points as he has set many of them up for this night, Michael began to quiet some Make no mistake about it, Michael has It’s been replaced by new visions: visions easy baskets as he’s consistently seen dou- critics who felt that his best days were far shown that at almost 39 years of age, he of a new Michael Jordan, in a new uniform, ble and triple team coverage all season. behind him. He has since been unable to remains one of the greatest players in the with a new, old coach (he played for his Michael’s greatest performance of the better or even duplicate or better that per- game. Still, the chances of his achieving current coach Doug Collins back in season, interestingly enough, came against formance, but he has enjoyed the success his goal of making the playoffs this season Chicago as well) with new teammates, in a the Utah Jazz. What makes this so interest- of some strong performances. are as bad as they were of his making his new arena, for a new owner, for new fans, ing is the fact that these same Jazz were the Unfortunately, games such as this have second return to the NBA. So, I guess and with a new challenge, one he has not last team to see Michael wear a Bulls jer- been a recurring theme for Michael and his somewhere out there, Jim Carrey is saying, faced since entering the league in 1984: sey, and more specifically, the same Bryon bunch, superb nights for a man on a mis- “So, you’re telling me there’s a chance.” making the playoffs. Russell, who is most famous for being the sion, whose peers have not shown the same Well, when it comes to Michael Jordan, Like it or not, the Washington Wizards, man guarding Jordan-- or not guarding fire, grit, and determination to turn this los- there’s always a chance for anything..