SMSXXX10.1177/2056305119872949Social Media + SocietyLee 872949research-article20192019

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Social Media + Society July-September 2019: 1­–11 Mediated Superficiality and Misogyny © The Author(s) 2019 Article reuse guidelines: sagepub.com/journals-permissions Through Cool on DOI:https://doi.org/10.1177/2056305119872949 10.1177/2056305119872949 journals.sagepub.com/home/sms

Jin Lee

Abstract Signaled in its reputation as a “hookup app” or “sex app,” the mobile app Tinder has been accused of having ignited “hookup culture” associated with superficiality and sexual innuendo. However, little is known about how Tinder has obtained this notoriety and what Tinder is actually responsible for. This study analyzes talks about Tinder on Reddit (/r/Tinder), as part of Tinder culture where Tinder discourse and norms are established and shared in relation to broader youth pairing culture. Through a lens of feminist media scholarship, I show that an association between Tinder and hookups is couched in a gendered code of conduct, coolness. I argue that this gendered coolness in the economy of visibility of Tinder evokes and justifies misogyny online in line with the sexism inherent to hookup culture.

Keywords Tinder, visibility, cool, hookup, online misogyny

Online dating, particularly Tinder, is bad for us (millennials) be varied, depending on how users engage with each match as a generation. I used to always criticize it for and develop it further. Without functions of sharing or group being like a Baelish whore house, ordering up another chatting, each match remains privately between the two par- human being to your door like a pizza, but I now ties of the match. realize it’s really much worse than that. It’s actually tearing Echoed in the quotation above, the perception of Tinder as apart the fabric of gender relationships. It’s far more a hookup app arouses concerns about superficiality and vio- superficial than just regular old school dating, and now lence intrinsic to online intimacy and hookup culture. The we’re seeing it used to reinforce stereotypes by both sexes. online shopping-like experiences on dating apps, like Tinder —from /r/Tinder and Grindr, contribute to violence by considering others as objects to consume for instant desire: people “order” people The mobile dating app Tinder has been accused of having from apps, jump into sex without much intimacy established, ignited “hookup culture” almost as the “apocalypse” of mod- and discard them when their business is finished (Conner, ern for its easiness and fastness in meeting people for 2019; Sales, 2015; Shield, 2017). Toxic masculinity, the intimacy (Sales, 2015). Launched in September 2012, the “constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to app is leading the online dating market over “traditional” foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, online dating sites (e.g., OkCupid, Match.com) and is par- and wanton violence,” is an exemplar of such online vio- ticularly popular among the youth: it has more than 50 mil- lence (Kupers, 2005, p. 714). Feminist scholars are worried lion users in 196 countries, and 83% of users are between 16 about increasing toxic masculinity on Tinder in relation to and 34 years old, according to statistical data from 2015 hookup culture, where women are sexualized, evaluated, and (Iqbal, 2019). Utilizing users’ location-based information, consumed by men to instantly satisfy their lust for female the app provides a streaming list of visual cards of other flesh (Hess & Flores, 2018; L. Thompson, 2018). users within a particular radius. Users can narrow or broaden While women are certainly vulnerable in hookups via the pool of cards by adjusting settings about users’ desired Tinder as such, little is known about how Tinder has obtained age range, gender, and search distance. Users choose poten- tial partners by swiping cards to either the right (like) or left Southern Illinois University Carbondale, USA (dislike) side; when two users both swipe to the right, the Corresponding Author: display pans out as a match and enables direct messaging Jin Lee, College of Mass Communication and Media Arts, Southern Illinois between them. Despite its reputation for being a “hookup University Carbondale, 1100 Lincoln Drive, Carbondale, IL 62901, USA. app” or “sex app,” its use is individualized, and thus likely to Email: [email protected]

Creative Commons Non Commercial CC BY-NC: This article is distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution- NonCommercial 4.0 License (http://www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/) which permits non-commercial use, reproduction and distribution of the work without further permission provided the original work is attributed as specified on the SAGE and Open Access pages (https://us.sagepub.com/en-us/nam/open-access-at-sage). 2 Social Media + Society this notoriety and what Tinder is actually responsible for— p. 7). In this vein, modern intimacy has served as a site where that is, for letting percolate in the youth culture or a person can discover one’s essence that is stable and unique for helping men act as womanizers sending direct sexual enough to define “who I am” and distinguish the self from innuendos to women. Without considering these issues, it is others by interrogating one’s psyche and reformulating rela- easy to blame women who experienced mistreatment on tionships (Barker, Gill, & Harvey, 2018; Illouz, 2007). Tinder for just using the apparent hookup app entailing sex- Intimate relationships came to be understood as two persons ual harassment. In this essay, I examine a subreddit about engaging with each one’s psychological self—the ontologi- Tinder, /r/Tinder, and the ways that redditors talk about cal entity formed with core psychological properties (Barker Tinder in relation to gender scripts about women. I ask the et al., 2018; Illouz, 2007). following questions: (1) What is the dominant reading of Illouz (2007) argues that traditional online dating services Tinder? (2) Based on the reading, how do people establish have materialized a way of building intimacy through the Tinder norms related to hookup culture? and (3) How does finding of the psychological self. She continues, “the self is this affect the shaping of Tinder culture? In doing so, I show constructed by breaking it down into discrete categories of that an association between Tinder and hookups is couched tastes, opinion, personality, and temperament” based on pro- in a gendered code of conduct, coolness. I argue that this vided answers to questionnaires that are required at the sign- gendered coolness in the economy of visibility of Tinder up stage (p. 78). Therefore, building a relationship via online evokes and justifies misogyny online in line with the sexism dating becomes a matter of finding a profile whose psycho- inherent to hookup culture. logical entity is performed and thus reified in the same or similar category of one’s own psychological self (Illouz, Tinder, Cool, and Economy of Visibility 2007). The gamified and visual-centered settings of Tinder, how- To begin, I review several concepts that inform this study, ever, provide little room for establishing users’ psychological including the psychological self, the economy of visibility, entities. A 500 word-limit description of oneself for a “user and coolness in youth pairing culture. Tinder and /r/Tinder bio” is insufficient to show a person’s complicated psyche. are situated at the intersection of gender, heterosexual inti- Furthermore, Tinder users are more likely to instantly make macy, and visual culture. This contributes to my analysis of partner choices based on visual cards, not looking at bios, for /r/Tinder as part of the contemporary youth culture of inti- the Tinder game flow (Duguay, 2017; Peterson, 2014a). macy facilitated by media like Tinder. The technological set- Instead, due to its strict visual-centered design, ways to grasp tings of Tinder distinguish it from other traditional online other users are limited to collecting pieces of visual cues on dating sites. Unlike those sites accompanying questionnaires cards and interpreting them based on racial/gender/class ste- about one’s information (e.g., demographics, hobbies) at the reotypes, and submitting them to the imagination of a subject initial stage of signing up for the services, Tinder emphasizes as an entity of visibility (Duguay, 2017; Peterson, 2014a). the visualization of users based on their pictures that are According to Illouz (2007), modern dating culture has been uploaded to Tinder accounts or linked to other visual-cen- shaped in market logics; interactions for intimacy are framed tered platforms (i.e., Facebook, Instagram). Such image-cen- as economic transactions of value between people. While teredness accords with Tinder’s gamified design based on a such transactions occurred through the circuit of psychologi- card game. The adaptation of a card game, such as streaming cal registers in traditional online dating sites (Illouz, 2007), visual cards of users and swiping cards, transforms and pres- on Tinder, it does so through the circuit of visibility because ents intimacy within contexts of game playing, which leads its visual centered settings hamper the imagination of a psy- users to derive fun from playing with the app (see Deterding, chological entity in the way that it used to be in traditional Dixon, Khaled, & Nacke, 2011). This playful sense is maxi- online dating. In this manner, on Tinder, the principle of the mized at the moment of matching as a new screenshot pops psychological self in modern intimacy is replaced with the up with a joyous and notifies users to send a mes- economy of visibility. sage. For the playful sense, however, users must continue to The economy of visibility is “the epistemology of the play the Tinder card game—swiping cards continuously visual that underlies both race and gender: that process of based on instant judgments of visual cards rather than devot- corporeal inscription that defines each as a binary, wholly ing efforts to “one” match. By explicitly asking if users visible affair” (Wiegman, 1995, p. 8). Inferring to visible would like to “keep swiping” after a match, the app’s gami- signs of a body (e.g., skin color, skull shape) as primary fied design allows users not to interrupt their game flow for markers of one’s status, the system genders, races, and fun. classes the body and locates the body in different strata Unlike Tinder, traditional online dating sites have aligned where a level of “making oneself visible” is differently war- with psy-discourses by emphasizing “the psychologization ranted (Wiegman, 1995). For example, Black bodies were of self” (Illouz, 2007). This “new way of imagining the self not eligible to be seen and remained invisible for their unde- vis-à-vis one’s past in the language of psychology” became sirability, as opposed to highly visible bodies of social nor- the common way of seeing in modern society (Illouz, 2007, mativity—representatively well-toned, young, White, female Lee 3 bodies—in daily life including media (Banet-Weiser, 2018; 2019). The figure neatly fits into postfeminism—the contem- Wiegman, 1995). porary cultural landscape where young women’s sexual free- In the contemporary mediascape, visibility is economic dom and pleasure are celebrated, including hookup culture value itself. It is because visibility is directly concerned (R. Thompson, 2019). with revenues based on whether the visibility of each image Characteristics of the sexual revolution in the 1970s have or product has consumer appeal, outrivals the visibility of percolated into hookup culture as part of youth pairing cul- other images and products, draws more attention from audi- ture, as opposed to traditional , including priori- ences, and is popularly consumed (Banet-Weiser, 2018). tized sexual freedom and pleasures, avoidance of emotional This economic function of visibility dovetails with neolib- , and instant consumption of intimacy (D’Emilio eral doctrine presenting the social world as “made up of & Freedman, 1989). Within this context, hooking up became markets, and spaces of potential competition that need to be popular among young adults as a cultural phenomenon organized as markets, blocking other narratives from view” imbued with cool discourse. Hookup is a slippery term with (Couldry, 2010, p. 7). Furthermore, given the neoliberal no clear definition, but it indicates a variety of intimate rela- market principle that presumes market competition as a site tionships that are mainly associated with game-like playing of fairness, neutrality, and objectivity (Adkins & Lury, for sexual pleasure, with some chance to develop into 2011), political meanings of visibility are foreclosed by the “,” yet do not guarantee any commitment beyond seeming image of equality (Banet-Weiser, 2018; Gray, (Bogle, 2008, p. 29). Cool discourse provides a perfect script 2013). Visibility, in turn, becomes only a matter of econo- for hookups, guiding how to engage in relationships and mies, such as competition with others for visibility on what to prioritize in the relationships. It asks to restrict emo- media, economic exchange for profit and more visibilities, tionality but to seek thrills, including hedonistic sexual plea- and presenting oneself in the best manner based on the sure, which consumer culture has visually adopted in accumulated visibilities to maximize profits (Banet-Weiser, commercials to eroticize heterosexuality (Peterson, 2014b; 2018). The economy of visibility, therefore, privileges an Pountain & Robins, 2000). investment in the visible self aligned with social normativ- Notably, hookup culture has never been equally available ity vis-à-vis race, gender, sexuality, and class (Banet- for women, despite its image of freedom and rebellion Weiser, 2018; Wiegman, 1995). The system continues to against patriarchy. Studies about hookup culture criticize a operate in image-centered social media like Instagram sexual double standard inherent to the culture in which wom- where users are induced to brand themselves to distinguish en’s sexual agency is self-regulated by the social contempt from others by showing their repository of taste consisting toward sexually active women as “sluts,” unlike men (Bogle, of visibilities (Abidin, 2014; Banet-Weiser, 2012). 2008; Freitas, 2013; Levy, 2010). Freitas (2013) and Levy The cool girl figure is a prime example of a way of self- (2010) argue that hookup culture is based on patriarchal fan- branding among young women at the intersection of the tasies intrinsic to pornography, in which women cannot leave economy of visibility and the gender system. Consumer cul- the status of submissive and sexualized objects to their male ture has produced figures of socially desirable femininity, counterparts. Thereby, cool discourse is valorized by a gen- who appear to be slightly different in response to changing der script and invites women to hookup culture with a slight times and trends but fundamentally continue to serve for the flavor of sexual freedom, upon the premise that they follow gender system (Peterson, 2014b). In tandem with rebellious this women’s version of cool, which is encapsulated in the youth movements in the 1970s, media began to produce cool cool girl figure. discourse, adopting Black male resistance (Pountain & The cool girl embodies a mixture of masculine and femi- Robins, 2000). By fantasizing and selling images of sexual nine qualities in a “balanced” way. The balance is the most promiscuity and thrill-seeking implied in the stereotype of crucial attribute of the cool girl figure in that she must be Black masculinity, consumer culture successfully met the heterosexually attractive, with a conventionally desirable concurrent rebellious atmosphere while preserving the old feminine body, but she should also be “laidback” in accom- gender system (Frank, 1998; Pountain & Robins, 2000). The modating male culture, uncritically following men’s perfor- cool girl figure represents the working of the gender system mance of masculinity (e.g., laughing at men’s dirty jokes, and the consumer society’s libidinal fantasy—a girl who joining hookups), and thus can reassure values of masculin- upholds the rebellious spirit, particularly about sexual free- ity (Peterson, 2014b; R. Thompson, 2019). However, when dom and pleasure, and possesses properties of femininity women break the balance by stepping into male territory, that are fantasized about by men in their heterosexual lust for they become a threat to male hegemony and are castigated female flesh (Frank, 1998; Peterson, 2014b; Pountain & (Gill & Kanai, 2018). Interestingly, the economy of visibility Robins, 2000). The resultant cool girl figure has been wel- instigates this gender conflict. comed by both men and women for her featured modern Misogyny breaks out online as a form of popular culture, spirit of freedom and independence, unlike the obsolete what Banet-Weiser (2018) calls popular misogyny, where image of passivity and excessive femininity in “girly girls” women seem to win visibility thanks to the popularization of (Peterson, 2014b; Pountain & Robins, 2000; R. Thompson, (post)feminism, and men feel themselves to be weak and 4 Social Media + Society losing in the economy of visibility. Thus, aiming to “reset the constructing experiences of a group of Tinder users who gender balance back to its ‘natural’ patriarchal relation,” popu- dwell in a place organized around Tinder. As an example of lar misogyny attacks visible women through the media (Banet- the place, /r/Tinder is worthy to be studied because of Weiser, 2018, p. 156). Heterosexuality becomes the site where Reddit’s social sharing function. popular misogyny competes for visibility against women Reddit’s karma system with an emphasis on user anonym- because heterosexuality has been a site of validation for both ity serves Reddit as a site of social sharing. The karma system men and women by assigning gender-specific responsibilities, is a basic feature that facilitates discussions on Reddit by thus binding them together in mutually supportive roles for the moving up or down each post based on its accumulated karma social status quo (Hartmann, 1981). Banet-Weiser (2018) scores submitted by readers (called redditors). The system maintains that popular misogyny sees heterosexuality within a contributes to shaping cultures of subreddits, as each post is zero-sum game logic and attempts to retake a score through a evaluated based on cultural codes and norms that are shared “revaluation of values” that, in effect, devalues women (p. within the particular subreddit community (Van der Nagel, 156). The devaluation of women includes female objectifica- 2013). This is bolstered by user anonymity afforded by rules tion, slut-shaming, and the consumption of heterosexual inti- of each subreddit and features like moderators and throw- macy as a means to “recover” masculinity. away accounts. Moderators in each subreddit page monitor Within this context, popular misogyny finds a home in user behaviors and often delete or ban those who troll, reveal hookup culture, in which women and sex are considered as one’s personal information, or verbally attack others, which objects of consumption for the pornographic fantasy (Freitas, are written on the righthand side of each subreddit page. In 2013). When women do not abide by the female version of addition, anyone can join Reddit discussions by creating tem- coolness in the hookup script, misogyny can break out porary “throwaway” accounts, not necessarily going through because they disturb the “natural” gender balance. Seen from sign-up steps that often require personal information, includ- this perspective, a nexus between Tinder and hookup culture, ing email addresses. This feature enables people to dissociate connected through the economy of visibility, needs to be themselves from their Reddit identity at their convenience examined in relation to how users read Tinder and shape its (De Choudhury & De, 2014; T. O’Neill, 2018). culture by (dis)allowing and establishing norms on Tinder. Reddit’s discussion-based feature with promised anonym- ity distinguishes itself from other social media (e.g., Twitter, Method Facebook) as a site of social sharing, including self-disclo- sure, support-seeking, and counseling regarding personal As part of my ethnography on Tinder, this article covers my issues (De Choudhury & De, 2014; T. O’Neill, 2018). Given unobtrusive observation on /r/Tinder, a subreddit about that Tinder experiences involve personal issues related to Tinder in the online discussion forum Reddit. Rather than sexual intimacy and geolocation, the anonymous environ- analyzing content posted on the page to attest its veracity by ment of /r/Tinder may be appealing as a safe place to talk to projecting into “real use,” I engaged the site through an eth- others about personal topics beyond one’s geolocation, com- nographic lens that aims at a “textual construction of reality” pared with other media. (Atkinson, 1970/2014) regarding how each comment Created in February 2013, /r/Tinder is popular. It entered engages with other posts, /r/Tinder, and Tinder overall. I con- the top 200 subreddits in 2016 and has 2,178,861 readers as sidered Tinder as a field in the Bourdieusian sense—a “social of May 2019 (/r/Tinder, 2019). On /r/Tinder, people post arena within which struggles and maneuvers take place over their Tinder stories or image profiles of themselves or others specific resources or access to such resources” (Jenkins, and open discussions related to their experiences, asking for 1992/2007, p. 84). From this standpoint, I regarded /r/Tinder advices or sharing their tips. With the karma system, these as a kind of reflection and subfield of Tinder culture, which are automatically submitted to a vote. Although posts with evolves around the connection of cultural meanings and the highest votes appear at the top of the front page, there are resources regarding sexual intimacy that are scattered offline two threads always on the top of the front page, entitled and online, rather than a fixed online space as opposed to “Profile Review—date of each week (e.g., February 05, offline (Hine, 2000). My ethnographic engagement through 2018)” and “Story Time—date of each week” in which users unobtrusive observation on /r/Tinder was, therefore, to can submit their post, avoiding a chance to remain unviewed reconstruct stories about Tinder culture by observing how a but pushed to the next pages. This demonstrates the social common way of reading Tinder forms shared understandings sharing function of /r/Tinder in respect to Tinder in general. and norms about Tinder and may produce collective experi- Reddit is, however, notorious as a “manosphere” imbued ences in the broader youth pairing culture. with misogyny and men’s rights activism (Mantilla, 2015; As noted above, because of its exclusively individualized Massanari, 2017; Milner, 2013). For this reason, my data setting for communication, any collective experience or nar- from /r/Tinder do not show the whole picture of Tinder cul- rative about Tinder can only be imagined by users, if present ture but remain as a sample that might be influenced by at all. For this reason, user experiences related to Tinder as male-dominant discourses. Yet, it is crucial to see how biased a hookup app need to be explored via the sharing and Tinder discourse can take part in shaping the broader culture Lee 5 of Tinder regarding recent gender conflicts and (hetero)sex- in Tinder’s visual-centeredness. As part of its gamified design, ual intimacy online. Considering that the display of hege- the visual-centeredness prioritizes playfulness and fun. monic masculinity is encouraged in hookup scenes (Currier, Unlike traditional dating in which fun is sought around 2013; Freitas, 2013), it is worthy to discuss how the reading dating—leisure­ activities like moviegoing (Bailey, 1989; of Tinder on /r/Tinder in relation to its reputation as a Illouz, 1997), the mobility of Tinder as a app “hookup app” resonates in such a manosphere. promises the sense of fun and playfulness transcending time During my 3-month observation of /r/Tinder from February and place. People on /r/Tinder, therefore, considered Tinder to April, 2018, I collected 45 threads that contained an aver- as a convenient tool for fun: “Just to talk to people when I’m age of 52.6 comments (ranging from three to 478 com- bored, maybe eventually meet up with someone” (female); ments)—1,562 comments in total, written between February “I’m on Tinder more for fun than anything” (female). 2013 and April 2018. As part of my research project that stud- Features of fun, such as temporality, lightness, and escape ies non-White females’ use of Tinder in the United States, I from seriousness and duties (Fincham, 2016), resonate in initially planned to identify discourses that non-White females hookup culture, mainly associated with game-like playing interact with in relation to their racial and gender identities for sexual pleasure (Bogle, 2008). People on /r/Tinder identi- and the broader Tinder culture. Due to the anonymity of fied the highlighted fun of Tinder with such attributes of Reddit, however, it was difficult to identify one’s gender and hookup culture, as opposed to courtship that requires emo- race and to associate those factors with Tinder culture. While tional work by both parties in a relationship to develop and race was not salient in posts,1 gender was often noted by maintain intimacy (Illouz, 1997). From this base, the link referring to a conventional gender script. Topics about non- between Tinder and hookups is made, as opposed to long- heterosexuality were also rarely found, presumably because term relationships and other traditional online dating sites, of heteronormative settings of Tinder (Duguay, 2017); thus, taking a discursive form on /r/Tinder: “As a girl (20 F) I can this article is based on heterosexuality. definitely tell you that you can use Tinder for casually hook- Focusing on gender, heterosexuality, and overall Tinder ing up”; “I got out of a 3 year relationship and wanted to just culture, I examined (1) talks that female redditors interacted casually hook up with guys/meet new dudes and Tinder has with and (2) flows and patterns across threads and themes definitely helped me do that” (female); “I take this very casu- pertaining to gendered hookup culture. By doing so, I ana- ally and had a lot of fun meeting different guys, I’ve had way lyzed /r/Tinder as a site of interactions between redditors and more fun dates/experiences from Tinder vs. OKC [OkCupid] between individual experiences and collective stories about or in real life.” The fun of Tinder seemed appealing to those Tinder, manifested in the structure of each post, including who recently ended long-term relationships because such fun posts consulting personal Tinder experiences, asking for oth- is often restricted in traditional courtship for monogamous ers’ advice or similar experiences for sympathy, expressing commitment (Illouz, 1997). difficulties in using Tinder, and accumulating or providing While the identification of Tinder and hookups was Tinder norms to readers, in reference to gender norms—all salient, redditors’ real use of Tinder seemed not always to of which shaped a broader image of Tinder as part of youth match with it. Many mentioned disconnections from the pairing culture. All the quotations in this article are verbatim. matched users, including “no response after being matched,” To protect user anonymity, I deleted the redditors’ IDs, but I “ghosting after exchanging a few conversations,” and “no indicated the users’ gender when I was able to identify it for show at offline meetings.” What interested me, however, was the purpose of this study. To analyze /r/Tinder, first I show how the “fun” of Tinder was addressed regardless of the how redditors read Tinder. Second, I extend this to focus on actual hooking-up activities offline. how users establish Tinder norms in relation to hookup cul- ture and the app’s visual-centeredness. Finally, I examine I have more fun going out without a date, so if there is any kind how such norms spread a misogynistic tone inherent in skep- of hint that he won’t look like his photos or it’s not going to be a ticism toward female Tinder users. fun time, I’ll flake. (Female)

I would guess about half the people on there see it as a fun ego Tinder = Hookup boosting game, not to actually meet up. A lot of people, I’ve noticed, are now posting on their profile things like “NOT here for hookups” or “If you’re looking for ass While fun on traditional online dating sites has manifested swipe left” or other dumb shit like that. Totally forgetting that as a performative attribute to build the psychological self via Tinder is a damn sex app . . . This isn’t match.com or POF profiles (e.g., profiles read “I am fun and funny,” Illouz, [PlentyOfFish] or a “Dating” site at all ladies and gentlemen . . . 2007), fun on Tinder appears as an object to consume via its This is Tinder, the booty call app. Get it right. technological features related to users’ visibilities. Echoing the card-game setting, fun appears as a reward granted by People on /r/Tinder distinguished Tinder from other online joining Tinder, which can be pursued at various stages of dating services and offline dating, referring to fun originating paring, from gazing visual cards to swiping, to matching, not 6 Social Media + Society necessarily meeting offline. As the app is gamified, geared build affective registers toward matched partners. Having toward fun from the early stage of its use in this manner, control of one’s to avoid emotional engagement playing Tinder as a game must continue to gain more fun as was often advised to other redditors who expressed their dif- reward, rather than focusing on “a date” or “an actual meet- ficulties in finding fun on Tinder. up.” This is possible when a code of conduct is observed. In Interestingly, this attitudinal norm of restrictive - posts asking for or giving advice, the code of conduct was ality challenges the gender script that defines women as delineated regarding self-presentation, pickup lines to initi- emotional creatures. In hookup culture and cool discourse, ate a conversation, and ways of reacting to matches—all of women can perform coolness only partially, mainly regard- which were voiced into a simple tip: “be cool.” ing aesthetics but not attitudes, because the gender script induces women to be emotionally involved with hookups— Be Cool to constantly question themselves about whether men’s atti- tudes signal further development of the relationship (Barker Cool is mainly concerned with two aspects: restrictive emo- et al., 2018; Ticknell, Chambers, Van Loon, & Hudson, tionality and visual presentation (Pountain & Robins, 2000). 2003). On Tinder, however, the emotional sphere is not The two aspects work together in the performance of cool- shown, regardless of whether women actually do such emo- ness; the greater the absence of emotionality in performance, tional work. Seemingly, relatively more venues of coolness the more visibly cool the presentation (Stearns, 1994). are available to women. This is strengthened by the visual Tinder’s image-focused features with relatively insufficient presentation of coolness, which, I explain later, exacerbates room for building the psychological self via profiles help set criticisms of women for being superficial. cool as Tinder’s code of conduct. Meanwhile, the economy of visibility as Tinder’s opera- As an attitudinal norm, cool was addressed on /r/Tinder as tive principle highlights the norm of cool presentation nonchalance in absentia of emotional and affective pulls to through visibilities (Duguay, 2017; Peterson, 2014a). For matched partners. On Tinder, as opposed to traditional court- male users in particular, drawing women’s attention by mak- ship, casualness should be constantly conveyed through ing themselves visible was frequently advised: “HIT THE conversations: FUCKING GYM . . . Care about your looks. Trim yourself. Everywhere. The beard, the chest hair, the armpits, down It’s fine for guys to insinuate hanging out earlier like on there” (male). something like, “oh cool, we should hang out sometime,” or “let However, the highlighted emphasis on visibility as part of me know next time you’re in the area,” but not really make cool presentation on Tinder ironically engenders skepticism concrete plans until we talk more. (Female) among users. On Tinder, where the imagination of a person Say “I am looking for fun, casual time with women, and if we hit is mostly organized around visual cues, the performance of it off, great. You?” Geez gotta do everything for you. coolness as an attitudinal norm featuring emotional detach- ment unlikely yields deep engagement with a person’s psy- I mostly get “Hey,” “You are cute” or “I like your hair” as a first chological aspects. Heavy investments in visual presentation message. For me, this is ok and does not sound desperate at all rather engender skepticism on Tinder because, according to in my ear. (Male) the contemporary cultural doctrine of psy-discipline, the psy- chological attributes of the self are believed to carry the val- The accounts above advised against getting too intimate ues of authenticity, truth, realness, and ontology (Illouz, with or too serious or committed to matches. Any hint of 2007). Unlike the psychological self, associated with the serious interest in matched partners, including expectations authentic interiority, the visual presentation of coolness may to further matches into concrete forms of offline dating with not contribute to the value of authenticity, rather undermine “concrete plans,” may sound “desperate.” Although a match it as the convention of visual coolness reproduces heterosex- is a result of mutual interest in each other, the interest should ual normativity with corporeality. In turn, visually presented be kept private to let the match flow, just as players never Tinder users with nonchalant attitudes are likely built as show all their cards on the table to win at card games. objects of shallowness only with visibilities lacking such Based on the “Tinder = hookup” logic, some redditors psychological attributes. Based on the cynicism toward enti- considered Tinder matches impervious to norms of tradi- ties established with corporeal visibilities, redditors skepti- tional courtship, and they even showed their belittling atti- cally linked the visual cool presentation with nonchalance to tudes toward courtship as “uncool” or “drama”: “I wouldn’t lightness and superficiality as Tinder’s overall image, far go with babe or sweetheart. That shit turns me off at least, from authenticity: “Tinder is the wrong place to go if you’re that’s like shit. No one is on Tinder for boyfriend not good looking, because it tends to be for hookups and shit” (female). This redditor shared her communicative prac- based more on appearance” (female). tices on Tinder as if advice for others not to use certain types Cynicism toward Tinder was pervasive on /r/Tinder. of language like “babe” and “sweetheart” that are associated Cassidy (2018) argues that apps like Tinder and Gaydar with courtship. By doing so, she shunned the potential to evoke users’ dismissive attitudes toward the medium and Lee 7 make users reluctant to engage with other users because of rape. Noticeably, however, the system also operates in a stereotypes inherent to the imagined users (e.g., sexually canny way, inducing them to know their position to be promiscuous gays), what he calls “participatory reluctance.” desired while ignoring women’s voices, instead of threaten- Likewise, I found redditors showed participatory reluctance ing women with toxic masculinity. This was found on /r/ toward Tinder and redefined the purpose of Tinder in their Tinder as two types: (1) kind advice for female Tinder users own terms: to be cool and (2) peremptory judgment about female users’ disinterest in hookups that is written on their bios, based on I see Tinder as a hot or not app, not really as a dating app. I use the “Tinder = hookup” reading. it more to check out attractive people near me . . . I think a lot of In one thread asking if girls can message guys first, reddi- people might use it this way too. (Female) tors recited the female version of coolness:

The collectively performed participatory reluctance, In all cases that a girl opened I went on like it is the most normal interestingly, altered the functional meaning of Tinder for thing (come on it is), some dudes seem to get intimidated by it some users, not necessarily getting involved in interactions though. (Male) with other users. As Cassidy (2018) argues, widely repeated participatory reluctance among users shapes a culture of a Don’t be afraid to challenge a guy about being complacent. “So media platform rife with cynicism and suspicion rather than do you just give good chat or do you actually get out and meet remaining as an isolated personal orientation. The participa- the girls on here? I’ve never been to some batting cages, you tory reluctance of Tinder users seen above was frequently seem like just the guy to go to one with. Down?” A girl who addressed as one aspect of Tinder culture. The repeated par- wants to put her hands on a hard phallus shaped object and play with balls is subconsciously suggestive (can’t be too subtle, us ticipatory reluctance negatively influenced the overall qual- boys can be pretty dumb) and you’re challenging him in a ity of interactions between users. Notably, it led to backlash nonthreatening, non-bitchy way. I advise against putting such a and reversed skepticism toward those who showed participa- challenge in your profile. It will lose your more prospects than it tory reluctance. Whereas Tinder itself strived toward authen- will win. (Male, my emphasis) ticity by syncing users’ Facebook or Instagram accounts (Duguay, 2017), its user behaviors strengthened the pessi- The accounts above restrict women’s sexual agency mism about Tinder, doubting the value of authenticity, spe- based on the sexual double standard for women in hookup cifically regarding women. culture. Nevertheless, gendered advice in the accounts may be appreciated by women as “Tinder tips” because they are Misogyny addressed for women with care. Yet they are premised upon, and reproduce, the socially desirable femininity, as in If you’re using the app to see how many guys can like you in 15 the cool girl figure, which is sexually active but tame and minutes that you won’t message back, save everyone the trouble accommodating men’s sexual desire, unlike “intimidating and get the ego boost by making some twerking video on or threatening bitches.” Instagram or something. (Male) Problematically, as these advices are premised upon the “Tinder = hookup” logic, female users’ disinterest in hook- As shown above, the reversed skepticism criticized con- ups is adamantly dismissed as women’s typical gesture to descendence, shallowness, and superficiality as behavioral passively indicate their desire for hookups, although women characteristics of female Tinder users. According to this per- unequivocally note on their bios: “not for hookups,” “not spective, underlying the superficiality of female Tinder users DTF [down to fuck].” were acts of self-validation and ego-boosting via the app. The cynical posts about female Tinder users on /r/Tinder can I’m pretty sure a large amount of girls who put “not looking for be linked to Reddit being a manosphere, featuring miso­ a hookup” are NOT going to be opposed to hooking up if the gyny, anti-feminism, and gender-trolling (Mantilla, 2015; chemistry is flowing after a short amount of time. I just think a Massanari, 2017; Milner, 2013). Reddit’s upvote system may lot of girls are just putting that out there because they’re afraid strengthen it, as a “tyranny of the masses,” pressing down of looking outwardly slutty and/or being judged. different and more gender-neutral perspectives (Milner, 2013). I further pose that hookup culture ignites such a Despite Tinder’s reputation as a hookup app, women manosphere aspect of Reddit adroitly in Tinder discourse. often avoid hookups but use the app for various reasons (Lee, Studies about hookup culture criticize the coercive gender 2019). Reading Tinder as a hookup app, however, dismisses system inherent to the culture in which both men and women the variety in reference to the conventional male rhetoric to are forced to perform hegemonic masculinity and passive justify rape: “women’s ‘no’ means ‘yes’” (Osman, 2003). femininity, respectively (Bogle, 2008; Freitas, 2013). As evi- This is dangerous not only for the continuation of the rape denced in those studies, this culture is violent for women, rhetoric but also for a chance of actual sexual harassment in rife with threats of toxic masculinity like slut-shaming and reality via Tinder. Tinder then becomes a site of violent 8 Social Media + Society sexism, evidenced in many women’s testimonies online skepticism toward the entity of corporeal visibilities legiti- (Hess & Flores, 2018; L. Thompson, 2018). mizes misogynist discourses: The quoted accounts above are less aggressive, compared with sexual harassment documented in other studies (Hess & Around where I live it’s just full of vacuous twats looking for an Flores, 2018; L. Thompson, 2018). However, they revolve ego boost and Instagram followers or the generic, prudish around the manosphere of Reddit and pornographic hookup dullards who have “Live, love, laugh, travel, friends” as their culture. That is, they can break out as misogyny and attack “interests” and their profile is basically a photo reel of them with women any time if fuel is given. The fuel, I contend, is wom- various drugged animals. Fuck I just want to meet someone fun and normal. Someone with actual interests. (Male) en’s visibility obtained from coolness. As noted earlier, cool has been part of male territory If I see one more profile with “just a blahblahblah Tinderella (Pountain & Robins, 2000). Women can perform coolness suffering from a serious case of wanderlust” I’m gonna smash aesthetically because of women’s embodied duty of aesthetic my phone. Just write something real; be a real person. (Male, labor, but they cannot fully perform regarding attitudes original emphasis) because the attitudinal coolness and the resultant air of con- fidence conflict with the gender script that defines women as According to Illouz (2007), superficiality is an inherent emotional creatures requiring male protection (Ticknell irony of online dating. When information about one’s psy- et al., 2003). Cool norms in the visual centered mechanism of chological entity is required, as in OkCupid, people tend to Tinder, however, disrupt this male ownership of coolness apply conventions of social desirability in self-presentations because Tinder and its norm, cool, contradict the traditional by describing themselves with attributes desirable in the dat- gender script by hardly offering women a chance to show ing market: outgoing, funny, and positive (Illouz, 2007). In their emotionality. From there, a tension between the gender this case, one’s visibility becomes the measure available to system and cool emerges and troubles those who subscribe to distinguish and value a person among others who present the the gender script. I argue that the pessimism toward Tinder same psychological self or who do not provide enough infor- users who concentrate on visual presentations easily falls mation. Thus, regardless of whether one’s psychological self into the trap of this trouble and echoes in a misogynistic tone is sufficiently provided, a visual regime works powerfully in in Tinder discourse, meeting the established manosphere cul- the construction of intimacy online. Ironically, whereas the ture of Reddit: visual displayed in pictures is considered the value of the self in competition with others, it is also regarded as superficial Tinder is really only a successful means of meeting people for and shallow, unlike the authentic interiority of the self. the upper echelons of aesthetically appealing people. That’s just Therefore, “common” profiles that read “Live, love, laugh, the way it is . . . Most the girls on there are the narcissistic type travel, friends” are not likely appreciated by users, but rather to take a million selfies and go clubbing all the time. exacerbate criticism of female users for being “superficial and not real.” Banet-Weiser (2018) argues, the “encroachment of women Furthermore, the gendered irony of cool norms on Tinder in a traditional male domain” is an issue that leads to male conceals the misogynistic tone in criticism of female Tinder insecurity and crisis expressed in popular misogyny (p. 159). users. Whereas it provokes a tension in the gender system by Increased visibilities of female users who invested in their detaching emotionality from female users, the cool norm is self-presentation, then, are enough to intimidate men, espe- still gendered by demanding aesthetic labor upon women to cially those males who are not in the “upper echelons of aes- be heterosexually desirable. This ironically provides an thetics.” For them, women who observe cool norms on Tinder excuse to reasonably criticize women who follow the old (i.e., aesthetically visible and emotionally nonchalant) may gender script and heavily invest in visualization of their bod- appear to threaten male existence, based on the zero-sum ies as being “typical” women: game logic of popular misogyny (Banet-Weiser, 2018). Heterosexuality becomes a battlefield for popular misog- Male says: Marilyn Monroe was NOT a philosopher, I don’t yny to rectify the gender balance back to the patriarchal rela- care about your Instagram . . . only swipe right if you will at least tion (Banet-Weiser, 2018; R. O’Neill, 2015; Ringrose, ATTEMPT a conversation. Harvey, Gill, & Livingstone, 2013). On Tinder, which medi- ates (hetero)sexual intimacy, popular misogyny that is widely If the woman swiped right first, I like it if a woman could spread around male-dominant sites like Reddit easily breaks actually start a conversation and add something to the out reacting to the biggest threat, “the upper echelons of aes- conversation. I thought that women wanted equality in this thetically appealing women” who appear confident, har- country? That means that chivalry goes out the window. (Male) nessed with their visibilities, and may not need validation from relatively less-visible men. Ultimately, the superficial- Due to the gamified design of Tinder in which fun is ity of Tinder, shaped by users’ participatory reluctance, mainly driven from the flow of swiping, engaging with rela- serves as a good resource to feed popular misogyny. The tively old matches can be difficult or delayed for users. As Lee 9 some redditors noted, Tinder matches often elude their atten- with corporeal femininity and being arrogant and shallow tion when they have already recorded many matches. (Gill & Kanai, 2018). Considering the depoliticized atmo- Nevertheless, premised upon gender distinction and hetero- sphere in the economy of visibility (Banet-Weiser, 2018; normativity, the male redditors above ascribed participatory Gray, 2013), this criticism of women reinforces the gender reluctance to women and legitimatized such accusations in distinction as a fait accompli, not challenging the gendered line with a misogynistic tone. This criticism is, however, politics inherent to the economy of visibility. rarely noticed as misogyny, as it appears reasonable to blame Second, reading Tinder as a hookup app on /r/Tinder is women for being feminine. Thereby, women also uncon- one example of how the online has already been intoxicated sciously subscribe to the misogynistic tone inherent in the with pornographic violence innate in hookup culture, which dominant way of reading Tinder as a hookup app and depo- can easily break out in a violent form anytime. The contem- liticize prevailing violence in the discourse: porary mediascape provides a canny way that the forcible gender system tames users in violent environments not nec- Look, Tinder is where (objectively attractive) superficial people essarily exercising obvious toxic masculinity, such as sexual go to find validation and/or dates from equally (objectively harassment and rape. Despite sexual aggression in hookup attractive) superficial people. If you’re “rather plain” and culture (Freitas, 2013), the prevailing toxicity hampers peo- “comically bad at taking selfies” then Tinder is simply not for ple from noticing violent features of the gender system but you. PoF or OKC would be my suggestions for what you’re leads them to accommodate themselves in it by sharing tips looking for. If you’re hellbent on using Tinder though, I’d say to be successful in the market of intimacy. work on your makeup skills and practice taking pictures from better angles. (Female) Third, this intoxicated environment is dangerous as it can involve actual violence. Intimacy as the most private realm If /r/Tinder is a place where users share their individual is, indeed, the most vulnerable to violence; media platforms experiences and shape imaginary collective experiences and for intimacy bear these problems. While this essay mainly norms of Tinder, the unnoticeably spread misogynistic tone covered heterosexuality because of Tinder’s heterosexuality- can easily permeate in Tinder culture and affect their Tinder focused setting (Duguay, 2017), many studies about mobile use. When this discourse proliferates, Tinder is only treated apps for intimacy have documented pervasive violence as a site of violence where “superficial people meet equally against minorities (e.g., non-White queer), which is uncriti- superficial people.” Given the tone of “just for fun,” users cally conducted as “personal taste” (Conner, 2019; Shield, are likely to engage in problematic behaviors associated with 2017). Problematically, this violence entails physical vio- pornographic images of hookups, especially toward women, lence as intimacy does not strictly distinguish between including textual and visual harassment, regardless of how- offline and online but rather crosses the boundary. ever people join and use Tinder. On /r/Tinder, many redditors The worrisome attention of society to Tinder or youth posted profile pictures of female users whom they encoun- pairing culture, by relating them to the dating apocalypse, tered on Tinder without those women’s consent. Both male does not discuss the old gender system in heterosexuality in and female redditors judged the “fuckableness” of those which women have long been treated as objects; but it nos- women and made fun of them. Some female redditors’ seri- talgically fantasizes the idea of romantic love. It criticizes a ous criticisms toward these posts, albeit rare, were dismissed good chance of sexual violence upon women on Tinder, but as their fault for not getting it right because, as quoted ear- the criticism only covers the extreme far-right violence while lier, it is believed that “Tinder is a damn sex app . . . This isn’t overlooking the violence of the gender system that has long ‘Dating’ site at all.” existed prior to Tinder. Toxicity in hookup culture and Tinder is very close to our daily lives in the form of popular misog- yny: kind advice for women to be a cool girl, referring to a Conclusion sexual double standard for women, and ignorance of wom- This case study on /r/Tinder showed that Tinder’s visual cen- en’s disinterest in hookups (Banet-Weiser, 2018). Popular teredness reinforces the gender system and feeds online misogyny’s collusion with heteronormativity gradually misogyny by interacting with the existing gender script intoxicates both men and women by taking the form of what intrinsic to cool discourse and hookup culture. Projecting is seen as reasonable criticism toward women. On Tinder, discourses on /r/Tinder into popular misogyny yields three women are continuously compelled to be “women,” and interrelated implications. First, as studies have criticized, women are simultaneously chided as either superficial (when cool discourse and hookup culture are not available equally following the cool norm) or uncool (when not following this to women and men (Barker et al., 2018; Ticknell et al., 2003). norm). Then, nothing is cool. Rather, because of cynicism toward corporeality as opposed to an “authentic” and “true” psychological self, the image of Declaration of Conflicting Interests women with confidence and freedom, armed with visibili- The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect ties, is vulnerable itself, facing defamation for being obsessed to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article. 10 Social Media + Society

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