Th e student newspaper of Imperial College London

Issue 1,386 felix Friday 9 November 2007 felixonline.co.uk

Inside

Ask The President

Page 20

Flaming hot Ash

Page 16

Hindu Garba

Pages 26 & 27 Race: genetics Mountaineering or racism?

Founding father of DNA research causes media storm, see page 3 Page 30 2 felix Friday 9 November 2007

News News Editor – Andrew Somerville [email protected] Council increases by eight... Halt the Beit redevelopment ...but hardly anybody turns up to hear the outcome of the results project or run the gauntlet? Once again, Beit was the main point of Tom Roberts discussion at the most recent meeting Editor-in-Chief of the Executive (Exec) committee. The Union is in somewhat of a quandary; Last week, the Council and Trustee whether or not to go ahead with the Board elections came to a close with second phase of the Beit Masterplan. many positions remaining unfilled The Masterplan is the long-term partly due to an initial lack of partici- redevelopment plan to update Beit’s pation but also because RON (re-open facilities. The first phase was com- nominations) beat some of the can- pleted last academic year when da- didates. In total, Council has gained Vinci’s was refurbished and a lift was eight more members whilst the Trus- installed in the Union’s main entrance. tee Board has added one more to its Several weeks ago Felix reported on committee. the revelation that funding for the first Before voting had even begun, it was phase came from the Union’s General known that there would be vacancies Reserve, a very large pot of money in- on Council. Some positions were not tended for use in the event of a catas- even contested; postgraduate repre- trophe. The money for Phase 1 should sentation was especially dismal with never have been authorised to come only one PhD student running. from this reserve in the first place. The majority of the results were an- Now however, the Union is debating nounced in dB’s last Friday at lunch- whether to deplete the General Reserve time, to an audience of approximately even more in order to fund the second six people as well as the handful of stu- phase of the Masterplan which will see Is it the end of the line for the Beit dents who just happened to be sinking a massive redesign of the Union offices redevelopment? their teeth into a bite to eat. Unsurpris- including a sparkling new Student Ac- ingly the student body didn’t flock in tivities Centre, to replace the existing droves to be a part of the nail-biting one in the East Basement of Beit Quad Either way, if a decision to go ahead climax to a month’s worth of non-ex- as well as a new gymnasium and activ- with the redevelopment is taken, the istent campaigning. The lack of candi- ity space on the third floor. Union may be forced to call upon Col- dates waiting to hear their fate, how- A plethora of Council candidates eagerly await the results College has said that it is happy to lege for help should it encounter finan- ever, was more worrying and begs the give over £1.4m to fund the second cial difficulty further down the line, question: did those students even care phase, however the Union needs to something that many fear may com- whether they won a place on Council bring some much needed debate to the elsewhere on the page. There were a stump up the rest of the cash: around promise ICU’s independence from IC. or not? Either that or the Union has monthly meetings. few surprises in the Undergraduate £1.7m. In a report to Exec, the Union There are also further complications done an incredibly lousy job of email- A flattering two thousand votes Engineering Councillor and the Trus- President Stephen Brown wrote that involving building interest rates that ing people to tell them when the results were cast individually, but overall the tee Board categories where this year’s “we are confident … that Union Re- have increased the cost by roughly 10 – were going to be released. Neverthe- turnout was low with the most suc- RON representative, RON Weasley, serves could be used to fund £1.2m of 15% since the initial plans were drawn less, the committee has gained a hand- cessful candidate receiving 74 votes. A managed to vanquish three foes with our share”. up two years ago. The Presidents will ful of new members who will hopefully breakdown of the results can be found his magic wand. These positions will If the full amount is used, the Union have to dig even deeper down the be recontested at the next Council would be left with a severely compro- backs of their sofas. meeting along with the other out- mised General Reserve. Even then, The general response from Executive standing places. A by-election will be the Union is £500k short of the total committee members and observers at The winners were... UG Engineering run, whereby people will turn up to the amount it needs to raise. Mr Brown the meeting was one of caution, that (number of votes in brackets) John James (34) Council meeting and put themselves continued by stating that the differ- the Union should tread carefully and John James (18) forward to be on the committee. ence would have to be made up over a not rush into a decision. Trustee Board RON (11) If you were completely unaware the period of 19 months using “other rev- And, finally, what about the third and Ali Al-Hussaini (190) election had even happened and you enue streams within the Union” such final phase of the Masterplan – the re- RON (124) PG Engineering have a burning desire to be on Coun- as trading and entertainment. The development of dB’s? Just don’t ask. Ashley Brown (16) cil or the Trustee Board, come along £1.2m figure is not set in stone how- UG Medicine to the next meeting in the Union Din- ever. For instance, it was suggested at What do you think? Should the Alexander Walls (74) UG Natural Sciences ing Hall on Monday 10th December at Exec that a smaller proportion of the Union go ahead with the second Mark Chamberlain (41) Shray Amar (49) 6:30pm. There were some rather tasty Reserve could be taken meaning even phase or should it save its pen- Olivia Kenyon (39) Jose Videira (27) pastries at the last meeting so what more money would need to be gener- nies? Email comment.felix@impe- have you got to lose? ated from other revenue streams. rial.ac.uk or text 07980 148 785

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London felix 1,386 SW7 2BB. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, 17 Brest Road, Derriford, Plymouth. Registered newspaper Friday 09/11/07 ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2007.

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Science Editor Nightlife Editor Photography Ed Henley Greg Mead Sally Longstaff Vitali Lazurenko Business Editor Film Editor Afonso Campos Alex Casey Double phew. Friday 9 November 2007 felix 3 [email protected] News “You what, son? You can’t say that!” DNA pioneer Dr James Watson’s recent comments have caused a storm of controversy within the media that has reverberated throughout the world. Felix headed to the Biology department in search of answers

Andrew Turley New York. point of acceptable debate”. Watson On 25 October, the laboratory an- was forced to cancel the tour to pro- The Scientist, or the Science? The recent controversial comments nounced he would be retiring af- mote his new book, Avoid Boring Peo- made by American geneticist and ter nearly 40 years at the research ple: Lessons from a Life in Science, and Controversy and prejudice in academia DNA pioneer, Dr James Watson, have institute. returned to America. led to accusations of racism, the can- Previously, the Science Museum The controversial comments lead- Whenever a scientist or prominent academic makes any comment cellation of his UK book tour, and most in London cancelled a sold-out talk ing up to these events were made in an on a sensitive subject there is always a flurry of discussion and com- recently, his resignation as Chancellor Watson was due to give, stating that interview Watson gave for The Sunday ment. In media circles, the perceived weight of a scientist’s view of Cold Springs Harbour Laboratory in his comments had “gone beyond the Times. In it he said he was “inherently immediately opens up their statement to intense scrutiny. Harvard gloomy about the prospect of Africa” president Lawrence Summers, and his infamous 2005 speech on the because “all our social policies are differences between male and female abilities, is a classic example of based on the fact that their intelligence ill-advised personal opinion, and the negative impact that it can have is the same as ours – whereas all the on a well-respected institute. testing says not really”. Whatever Dr Watson said (he has since suggested that he was mis- He said that he hopes everyone is quoted), the casual manner in which he addressed a subject which equal, but that “people who have to remains controversial, even on a scientific level, should show any deal with black employees find this not academic the importance of choosing their words carefully. The sub- true”. ject of race is especially difficult, even genetically speaking: a fact Speaking to Felix, Professor Ian which should have been apparent to a biological scientist of such Owens, Head of the Division of Biolo- reputation. gy in Imperial’s Faculty of Natural Sci- The divide between professional and personal opinion is an impos- ences, said that comments of the kind sible problem. When does a scientific hypothesis become influenced made by Watson were unsupported by by personal views? Should ideas be kept private, or exposed so that scientific evidence. people can put your work into context? The difficulties encountered He explained that the concept of by a scientist entering into any kind of political, or unscientific, race is complex. Traditionally, scien- debate renders many subjects taboo. tists have viewed it as an artificial con- Historically, the personal opinions of scientists are respon- struct without a genetic basis, used as a sible for some horrific events, the most obvious of which is convenient label to crudely categorise the Holocaust; Nazi scientists, who set out to prove there populations. More recent data has sug- was a scientific basis for Aryan philosophies, carried gested that some genetic lineages can out some of the worst atrocities, and contributed to be identified, and that these perhaps the “validity” of the Reich. vary according to geography, but it re- Science remains a powerful political tool, and the mains unclear what relation, if any, this blurring of lines between science and opinion has to skin colour. can lead to unforeseen and far-reaching According to Professor Owens, intel- consequences. ligence is similarly problematic. Envi- Whether fair or not, scientists must ronmental factors are known to play always be aware that any opinion a significant role. Furthermore, there or statement that is aired will is no one type of intelligence, making be used to put their work in objective measuring difficult, if not context, and will influence impossible. If genes determining intel- their reception in many ligence can be identified, they are likely important ways. to be many, with complex relations, and as yet research is extremely lim- Andrew Somerville ited. Therefore, to link these two areas in this fashion is scientifically unjusti- fied. Watson has since apologised for his comments. For those interested in finding out more about the area, Professor Owens recommends Genes, Peoples, and Lan- guages by Luigi Luca Cavalli-Sforza as Dr James Watson back in the day an excellent starting point.

Imperial climbs to 5th in the Government privatises student loans debt world. UCL also leaps to 9th Andrew Somerville News Editor Tom Roberts America. Impressively, both Imperial Editor-in-Chief and UCL are above the Massachusetts The government has announced it will Institute of Technology (MIT) whilst soon be allowed to sell student loan This year’s results for the Times High- Imperial even managed to pip Princ- debt to private companies. The “Sale er Education Supplement’s (THES) an- eton university into 5th place. of Student Loans Bill”, first suggested nual university world league table were Some students have said that this re- in March of this year, was confirmed revealed on Thursday. flects the absurdity of the THES Uni- on Tuesday in documents released to Last year Imperial was ranked 9th in versity World Ranking, rather than the coincide with the Queen’s speech. the world. It has climbed four places UK’s academic excellence and that they The bill will allow the government since then and now sits at number are taking it all with a heavy pinch of to sell off the £18.1bn debt portfolio five. Imperial was beaten by Harvard salt. in order to make a profit, estimated at Are students going to be shafted by increased loan interest rates? which sits on top of the pile, followed The World Ranking is based on around £6bn, whilst it claims that full by Cambridge, Oxford and Yale which surveys of around 5,000 academics as control of interest rates, terms and re- all share second place. Depending on well as the views from 1,500 interna- payment conditions will remain with of subsidy that the treasury currently “risky” debt in the mortgage market. how much of an Imperial fanboy you tional companies. Data was also col- ministers. This means that individual pays. Several prominent education fig- The NUS (National Union of Stu- are, it could be argued that Imperial is lected about staff-student ratios and students should see no change to their ures, such as our own Rector, Sir Rich- dents) President Gemma Tumelty has in fact 3rd in the world. the number of international students loans, though their debt is owned by ard Sykes, have called for an increase stated that the students’ union “hope University College London (UCL) is at the universities. external organisations. in loan interest rates, and support for a that the confusion experienced by hot on Imperial’s heels however, climb- Rumours that Imperial, UCL, Oxford Concern over this move has been higher education funding model more graduates last time the government ing all the way from 25th to this year’s and Cambridge are going to join to- voiced from several sources. It is in line with the US system. sold student loans is avoided.” Mean- 9th position. gether like the mighty Power Rangers feared by some that this is part of a There is also worry over the security while, future students question the The UK has four universities ranked to form Impucloxbridge University to longer-term strategy to bring the Stu- of debt portfolios sold in this fashion, constantly increasing debt that they within the Top 10 and the remaining defeat the dastardly Harvard are com- dent Loans system up to more market- after the US “credit crunch” of recent are being encouraged into by govern- places are made up of universities from plete and utter nonsense. standard levels, and reduce the level weeks was triggered by the sale of ment and big business. 4 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Comment, Opinion Let us know your views: [email protected] Letters may be edited for length and grammar purposes & Letters Views on these pages are not representative of Felix Let’s talk about God, baby

pathy is pretty ubiqui- choice and the ability to make edu- creased. One could say that apathy has that move society away from secular- tous. Apathy comes cated choices have both increased (as a been glorified in culture as pro-active ism, because allowing religious groups from the good old Greeks result of science). Even in the couple of people are seen as threatening. How- to influence society, I believe, is wrong and the word apathes generations between my grandmother ever, it is probably down to the in- and I’m sure many will agree with me; it A means ‘without feeling’. and myself I can see how many more crease in comfort (the famous adage can only move society back to the situ- You probably knew this so what is the choices I have open to me compared to that society is three meals away from ations that my grandmother strived to point in me reiterating it? Well, the her limited opportunities. My grand- revolution) and thus the increase in move out of. Alongside this, just as she Matty Hoban words without feeling pretty much say mother was an immigrant and her life choices; it is natural to feel indifferent was supported by her church, I believe death to me. There is definitely a dra- was occupied with finding work, work- when many different paths are open to there should be support for those who matic overtone in that sentence but I ing and then raising children; time for you. Again my grandmother’s immedi- choose to live without religion. do not think it is fiction. leisure was limited and time for con- ate needs for stability impassioned her I wanted to write this short column I have been thinking a lot about such templating existence was (ironically) Catholicism as something she needed to promote the Atheist and Agnos- things recently since visiting my grand- non-existent. Also one great feature and the certainty it gave her. tic Society that has been formed not mother and seeing her in what is effec- in her life is her Roman Catholicism; Now, as I see myself in comfort by saying that God does not exist (he tively the final stage in her life. Aside from the certainty it gives her and the with a variety of choices open to me doesn’t, by the way) but by saying that from all the personal feelings about her support it has given her throughout to which she contributed, it would do by doing something about the choices in that condition, I was left with what her life (through the church communi- her a disservice to be indifferent. Of you have, you reassert your position can be called, context. It put my own ties she belonged to primarily). course, there is the choice to be apa- in history as the benefactors of great atheistic beliefs and her Roman Catho- How is this relevant to apathy you thetic, but surely pro-active apathy is a change and want to give something lic beliefs into context. may ask? Well, I think also through- waste of thinking energy. I want to use back. Please get in touch if you want to Throughout history, the amount of out history, wilful apathy has also in- my choices to oppose those elements get involved. Approaching the quarter-life crisis

’m not adjusting very well to find yourself performing a daily cy- so awful? Or is it because jobs, like age, joining the ranks of twentysome- cle of courseworks and having lunch signal that preparation time is over, and things, it’s true. Just a few years/ with your vapid, internship-seeking anything you aren’t ready for is just a months/weeks/days ago now, I “friends”. symptom of your own incompetence? I left the years of teenagerhood For the first year, incidentally, this Sure, there are grey-haired luna- behind me, and began the journey to- seems great fun and you feel really tics who retrained at the age of three wards Radio 2, wearing short-sleeved bloody mature, but like Heroes, re- hundred to become exotic dancers or shirts non-ironically and eating Brie. lationships with English women and whatever, but I’m not sure the world it- A. Geek I barely know what Brie is, and I have milk, give it twelve months or so self is going to last long enough for me nightmares where people ask me what and you’ll notice things go consider- to turn things around late in the day, wine to drink with it and I pronounce ably downhill, where you wake up one and I’m pretty sure my coffee-addled, ‘rioja’ wrong. morning tongue-deep in the rear end stress-wrecked body will refuse point Not that this has changed the routine of graduate recruitment schemes, and Ass-kissing: A symptom of the blank. I’ve got into of wake up, have fruit-and- you notice your boss is some prick who quarter-life crisis I guess we’ll see how things go. For- fibre, walk to soul-dissolving lectures, left your school at sixteen to the sound tunately for me, I’ve got time to kill. die a little inside and go home for tea. of you mocking him. Good move. For you poor sods who are facing the What it has done, rather unhelpfully, Anyway, I’m somewhere between “the magic started in his/her teens” big wide world of careers fairs and job is make the impending graduation I’m those two states of mind right now, and given that the only magic I can applications, I feel for you. But don’t in a staring contest with slightly less- considering the possibility of just think of involved me winning a fiver worry, because I’ll get mine in a year appealing than fellating the Rector on tossing my sanity down the drain in in a packet of Walkers’ crisps, which or so, when you’re the one in the suit, national television. exchange for a wife, two kids and a probably doesn’t qualify me for an staring down at me and cackling as When we all arrived at Imperial, nine-to-five, probably resulting in a obituary in The Times, I guess the only you offer a free pen and the promise of fresh-faced and full of bullshit gap year combination of the Columbine massa- hope for me is to learn to use the word ‘networking’. stories, the plan was simple - party cre and an episode of the Office. And “profitability” in a sentence and try my Until then, I’m off to write my award- hard and study later. Fuck yes. yet, at the same time, I’m still cling- hand at entrepreneurship like the rest winning novel and draft the film adap- Anyway, a week later when every- ing on to the idea that I’m young, I’m of the depressed fame-chasers in my tation, possibly beginning my career one had lost enthusiasm and seemed a student in a fine university, and that godforsaken department. path in amateur photography at the to be going to the union out of a sense my dreams are still there to be chased. Is my thirst to be someone a bad same time. See you in twelve months, of duty more than anything else, this Despite this, every success story in the thing? Is that why the idea of actually guys. I’ve got my ‘fuck you’ cover letter dull kind of stupor descends and you news normally contains the sentence submitting my CV to someone seems ready and waiting.

Go beyond South Kensington: interact!

s you may have noticed, the prospect of coming to a world- Society (yes, seriously) members who Imperial and studying at Oxbridge, is the idea of this column leading centre of academic excellence are regularly refused entry to night that London does not provide you with is to give Felix readers a to get the best out of yourselves, find a buses and are thus discriminated a sheltered, isolated community that picture of how life varies career that stimulates you and embark against if placed outside South Ken? is happy to ignore the world outside. A across of Imperial halls on it, confident in knowing that you This is London. A glorious, ram- Over here, you are expected to create of residence. Unofficially, it also gives are at the right place for it. shackle collection of villages and towns your own niche within the bigger set- wardens a place to offer a piece of their Do not get me wrong, I am not call- which grew into each other over centu- ting of the city, and learn to enjoy the mind to the general student population ing anyone spoiled for wanting to live ries producing a metropolis unrivalled advantages of such a setting. At Picca- about a topic particularly close to their next door to College, however it still in the Western world. As a conse- dilly Court we traditionally strive to or- heart. Hence, given Piccadilly Court is amazes me to what lengths people are quence, once you move out of the halls, ganize events and outings in Islington in Islington/Camden/sticks, depend- prepared to go, only to ensure that if you are highly unlikely to find anything so as to make students appreciate what Vasa Curcin ing who you ask, today I would like to they fall out of bed at 8.58, they will affordable within its centre, which it has to offer. Other halls do the same. Piccadilly Court say a few words about location. have rolled down the steps into their means saying goodbye to Boujis and One of the valuable lessons that uni- Be honest now, whenever you were lecture room by 9.00. Medical cases Harvey Nicks and trying to figure out versity teaches students is how to live applying to come to Imperial, did you that cannot go to sleep unless they are just where on the tube map Hackney is. with others on the course and in the put “life in South Kensington” as one of safe knowing three major museums are It may sound cruel, however the earlier hall. The exact same principle applies your main priorities? Can’t live without watching over them? Eager sports fans you embrace the many communities of to your neighbourhood, be it Padding- Wardening the a French pattisserie next door? Exclu- whose gruelling tiddly-winks training London, the easier it will be to decide ton, Ealing, Islington or Chelsea, so get sive dietary requirement of Harrods’ regime is suffering due to their extra where you want your next home to be. the most out of it. Even if Harrods does Almighty Organ baked beans? Or were you excited by travel? Female Alcohol Appreciation The difference between studying at not deliver there. Friday 9 November 2007 felix 5 [email protected] Comment Cynicism, idealism and courageousness

t's very easy to be a cynic. I There's the kind that's celebrated in back like Niagara Falls, and look at all streakers of politics. know, because I can do it. It's a songs and legends: the moment where the noble and heroic decisions you feel It is very tempting to be morally lazy: natural compulsion to seek to a decision has to be taken, and an that you could never make. Again, I to change convictions and beliefs with criticize the work and beliefs of unseen, previously unknown moti- talk from experience. impunity because you never properly Iothers, and we all indulge in that vation causes you to make a hard yet The second type of courage is a great established them to begin with. It's less to some degree. To construct some- potentially rewarding choice. As has deal more interesting. For me, this is important to me to know that some- thing oneself, however, is inconceiv- been expressed in countless quota- the strength to carefully reflect upon one will stand by their beliefs than it is ably harder. tions, such courage implicitly depends a choice, weigh up the pros and cons, to know that they actually have beliefs. Being an idealist is hard work. Again, on fear – if you are not overcoming and decide to take the harder course of That they took the time and effort, and Gilead Amit I know this first-hand. It is difficult to fear, then you are not doing anything action. We tend to call this 'standing braved the emotional risks of aligning look for the good in man, and emo- extraordinary. by one's convictions', and is one of the themselves with something that may tionally exhausting to tie yourself to This type of courage is impossible attributes I admire the most. turn out to be wrong, and may make a given cause. Almost despite myself, to analyse. People who attempt to put But I am equally impressed, espe- them out to look foolish. I admire them. Not because they're themselves into the shoes of their he- cially today, by people who have the Idealists are often blind to opposing right (which they rarely are), and not roes are deluding themselves. courage to have any convictions at all. arguments. They tend to take things because they're easier to get along with Courageous choices cannot be made People who are not content to watch for granted rather than question them. (an argument with an idealist is likely out of context, and it is a depress- global events with the detachment of They die out very quickly, they are to be twice as long and four times as ing exercise to sit, without adrenaline those who read the sporting scores often wrong, and they get used and brutal as an argument with a cynic), rushing through your body, without the day after the match. That rarest of abused by us insightful cynics. but because they have courage. your heart beating like a horse parade, groups, the actual supporters, those I wish I could be one of them. I re- There are two types of courage. without cold sweat running down your who get involved – the match-time ally do. Letters to Felix Felix hears from Royal School of Mines members in response to last week’s article about the behaviour of students which included those at the RSM Freshers’ Dinner and another reader replies to Mr Elliott’s letter

ous Night of the Year”, but the same the CGCU, and yet are ostracised from tations made in the article last week and all that’s going to happen with the Extortionate man also stated that he thoroughly everything they do (and are slated in by Andrew Somerville regarding the dinner is that it’ll go somewhere else enjoyed the evening he oversaw from the Guildsheet when trying to join in RSM. The RSM is a diverse body of where they don’t care if you smash it prices causing the head table. Whilst it has to be said their bar night), offered no support by students, not all of whom take part in up as long as you pay for it – and then that there were some “happy puddles” them, and in fact have our property or condone the activity of the Chaps or Mr S’ll have nothing to write about! the Imperial at the end of the evening, it was not the repeatedly broken into and criminally events at the RSM dinner. And as for the downfall of humanity result of deliberate efforts by elder stu- damaged by the so-called “Trojan Vomit + urine + broken glass + food via the discourteousness of the young- mess dents. The freshers were forewarned Horse” mascot team (which is a par- fights = drunk students – so write an er generation – well, I’m a bit more prior to the evening about the types of ticularly thuggish act). We think them article about the evils of alcohol and scared of the 12 year old hoodies that activities likely to happen, and yet they too animals (and criminals) for such lets have a bit less of the i’venevergot hang around my area with knives than Dear Felix, are all eager to come along and take behaviour of which their President tendrunkanddonesomethingstupid at- I am about the litter in the JCR (al- part, rather than attending the “pleas- is clearly in support of (see his proud titude disturbing my in-lecture reading though litter is bad! Don’t litter!) Let’s I am sorry to hear about Mr Elliot’s dis- ant all round” CGCU event they could grin with his “Trojan Horse” team after of Felix and frankly, pissing me off. focus our attention on the slightly more appointment on finding the JCR to be also have attended (surely this is a mat- stealing our mascot (and our inviolate What’s with making out like all stu- pressing matters at hand and not ruin covered in rubbish but while I always ter of opinion anyway? I know many one which they have and are refusing dents hailing from the RSM are some Imperial’s bit of sunshine that is Felix put my own rubbish in the bin, I am who would contest it is the most noto- to give back – is this not against their breed of deranged howler monkeys bemoaning the ills of the youth today. not at all surprised that it is this messy. riously dull event of the year, but this is so-called “Rules of Mascotry”?))? with Freudian complexes?! COME Oh yeah, and before you moan about Charging students over £1 for a coffee another matter). It is always made clear As a final word, I’d like to point out ON!!! The event in question is being the RSM again, take a closer look at the is extortionate, and IC catering cannot to the freshers that they do NOT need the RSM students are not the only IC blown entirely out of proportion. Yes, home departments of the Sabbs... Fuck expect any ‘respect’ while this daylight to drink anything they don’t want to students who like to have a drink and some students were poorly behaved. yeah! We’re not all the same and we’re robbery continues. and hosts understand that they are re- a good time – has anyone ever seen But, to compare the RSM to the CGCU not all bad so give the RSM a break. There used to be a cafe in the RSM sponsible for their freshers and should any of the ties initiations, the rugby is ridiculous. For a start, some RSM (Claud’s) where students could get advise the freshers when to stop drink- club’s kangaroo courtroom, the Med- members attended the CGCU ball and A 4th Year Observer their morning caffeine fix served by ing and offer them water instead. ics?! Whilst I’m not slating those clubs yet it still went without a hitch. I’m Royal School of Mines friendly staff for a mere 35p, and it was Indeed, there are some freshers who (or approving), they are just as “notori- sure if those present at the RSM din- always left clean and tidy afterwards. drink too much, but largely this is their ous” as the RSM Freshers’ Dinner, and ner had sobered up in time to make it Unfortunately the College decided to own doing through having just got to yet they don’t get articles slating them CGCU that would have been trashed close it down, despite hundreds of sig- university and wanting to stretch their all over Felix. At the end of the day too. So then, excuse me stating the ob- Felix News Editor, Andrew Somer- natures from staff and students alike, wings and test their body, since many the RSMC&SC has many people who vious here: ville, responds to the comments made so now we have to pay almost three of them may not have had that free- dedicate time and effort to ensuring 1) The behaviour at the RSM dinner by the RSM members: times as much in order to stay awake dom whilst at home under their par- very popular events for its students, was perpetuated by individuals and is during morning lectures. ents’ watchful eyes. However, what the and a few freshers having too many not reflective of the department as a The article published last week was If people are charged prices expected News Editor has omitted is that most drinks at their fresher’s dinner should whole. not intended as an attack on all RSM at a high street coffee shop then it’s not students are well-behaved and have a not be allowed to mar the reputation 2) The sun does not shine out of the members, nor to portray them as “de- unreasonable to expect the service of thoroughly enjoyable time whilst not of an otherwise popular and historic CGCU’s you-know-what just because it ranged howler monkeys”. In an article a high street coffee shop (including being paralytically drunk. The Edi- institution. is called the CGCU but because people about an event which I did not attend, people to clean up after them). Alter- tor has also testified wrongly that the don’t associate it with a crazy drunken all I can do is report comments and natively, if prices were a bit lower then other students show a “lack of care” Susie Ogilvie booze up in the same way as they do statements from witnesses and the sub- maybe people would be more willing and are “selfish” towards the freshers, Royal School of Mines Committee the RSM dinner – but now that you’ve sequent fallout. to tidy up their own mess. when in actual fact all freshers who do member 07/08 thrown down the gauntlet who knows The fact of the matter is that we at Fe- become too drunk are dutifully looked what those crazy guilders might try! lix have received and invited opinions Yours Faithfully, after until a way of getting them home 3) Worse behaviour is seen every from various people, both attending is sorted, which often results in the stu- week in the Union (go ask some stew- and not attending the dinner in ques- Robert Cook dents taking them back to their halls Bad behaviour ards about last week’s Wednesday tion. Most of these were negative. themselves, or paying for a taxi and en- night if you don’t believe me) I have since spoken to the RSM Presi- listing help to get them back safely. is down to What can we conclude dear read- dent about the article, and assured him The RSM is being constantly knocked ers? Behaviour is down to the indi- that whilst I am not out to persecute the In defence of the down by the other faculty unions, most individuals, not vidual and not something intrinsic to RSM, I am duty-bound to report what I notably by the CGCU, it has to be said. a department. So let’s stop with the believe is newsworthy. RSM Yet despite only (technically) being the RSM as a “poor reputation” business – it’s silly The RSM has a devoted and cohesive a Clubs and Society Committee, the and everyone knows “poor reputation” union, something I believe should be Dear Felix, RSM still hosts more successful faculty collective translates to students as “cool reputa- admired, and I know that their repre- events than either the RCSU or CGCU, tion” because our events are so mental sentatives put in a great deal of work to As a veteran RSM student, I would like and whilst having a much smaller stu- Dear Felix, they’re BANNED! Yeah baby we’re wii- make sure it stays that way. However, to defend the RSM following the arti- dent population, the RSM consistently iiiiiiiilllddd!!! *V-SIGN* and all the rest the fact remains that the RSM Freshers’ cle in last week’s Felix. Stephen Brown draws in more students to their bar On behalf of the under-represented of it... So stop making it cool! Just leave dinner was a step too far for many ob- may well have stated that the RSM nights and dinners. Again technically, within the Royal School of Mines I the little children alone, they will grow servers, and has not improved the RSM’s Freshers’ Dinner is the “Most Notori- we are supposed to be a subdivision of wish to complain about the represen- out of it and into functional people poor reputation for similar events. 6 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Politics Politics Editor – Li-Teck Lau [email protected] Pakistan: state of emergency Kadhim Shubber reports on General Musharraf’s efforts to hold onto power in times of growing dissent

ey readers, guess what? That’s right there’s more political turmoil in the world. Even more sur- H prising, it’s because of dictators; they’re more trouble than they’re worth aren’t they? This week we’re in Pakistan. Last Saturday, nearly a week ago, President Pervez Musharraf declared emergency rule and suspended the country’s constitution. Troops have taken over TV and radio stations and independent channels have gone off- air. The Supreme Court judges in Paki- stan condemned the move and as a re- sult are being confined to the Supreme Court. Whether this means they aren’t allowed to leave the building or they are being forced to sit in a courtroom and finally figure out what happened to Maddie, I just don’t know. In addition the acting head of the party of exiled former PM Nawaz Sharif was arrested, senior lawyers have been detained and elections planned for January have been delayed. Police and paramilitaries manned checkpoints around the parliament and presiden- tial palace in the capital, Islamabad, on Sunday morning. Martial law has been introduced in all but name. The reason for these bold moves is that President Musharraf is increas- ingly desperate to hold onto power. He is facing increasing opposition from Is- Pres Musharraf has come under critisism from his own people for being so intimately involved with the US war on terrorism lamic militants and the judiciary. The Supreme Court has taken several deci- sions against the government recently. non-ally, democracy never wins. ists, he’s not lying. However declaring persuade Musharraf that this is not the office – admittedly with a democratic Crucially, correspondents say, it has The question I hear you all scream- emergency rule does little to help fight best course of action but it remains to mandate – were plagued with allega- been hearing legal challenges to the ing is ‘what does Musharraf have to say militants. What’s really important is be seen whether Musharraf will try to tions of corruption and bad govern- president’s re-election in October and for himself?’ He gave a speech around his idea that he is trying to “preserve hold onto power at ‘all costs’. Another ance. Finally, the solution which will there was fear in the government that midnight on Saturday in which he at- the democratic transition”. Initially possible result is that Musharraf will be allow for the greatest stability is a pow- it would rule against him. tempted to justify the actions, arguing Musharraf was not entirely unpopular. ousted from power. Certainly his oppo- er-sharing agreement between Mush- Luckily for Musharraf the U.S. and that the measures were necessary to He had won public consent to his rule nents seem to outnumber his friends arraf and Bhutto. The U.S. backs this the U.K are more concerned about his fight terrorism and “preserve the dem- but now that he’s facing increasing op- nowadays and public opposition is strongly and it would allow Pakistan to commitment to the war on terror rath- ocratic transition that I initiated eight position he requires drastic measures likely to grow in the face of emergency move towards democracy slowly and er than his commitment to democracy. years back”. to keep himself in power. rule. In this case it will fall to former in a stable fashion. However Mushar- If you’re expecting similar sanctions to Well there are two things to take What will be the result of these Prime Ministers Benazir Bhutto and raf’s recent moves show that he is all those imposed on Burma recently then from this. On the one hand Pakistan is measures? Well there are 3 possi- Nawaz Sharif to introduce democracy. but ready to ignore the lessons of his- don’t hold your breath. The U.S. and battling Islamic militants and recently bilities. Musharraf and his opponents Do not be fooled however into think- tory and go down in flames as a tyran- the U.K would like to see free and fair attacks have increased in number and could all dig their heels in, resulting in ing that these two persons represent a nical dictator. elections but given the choice between ferocity. So when Musharraf claims civil strife and a decrease in civil liber- beacon of hope. They are unlikely to All I can say to you readers is we can an undemocratic ally and democratic that there’s a problem with terror- ties. The U.S. will most likely try and work well together and their terms in only wait and see. The week gone by in six handy paragraphs

Li-Teck Lau in a university in Virginia, America’s enrichment. It is the second such claim Politics Editor worst student massacre. within a month by President Ahmadina- jad, and comes days after the UN imposed Contrary to the popular myth that there Sarkozy repairs relations with new sanctions on the country whilst also is no world outside South Kensington, Fe- US calling for a halt of all such operations. lix Politics aims to bring you just a sam- Ahmadinajad added, “they must know ple of the highlights from the lives of the French President Nicolas Sarkozy arrived that Iranians don’t care about the sanc- other 6 billion people on Earth. in the US for talks with his counterpart tions, and Iranian people will not back logical triple figure mark. Consequently, George W Bush with the hope of thaw- one inch from their nuclear rights”. Thaksin in exile in the UK A case of bad head counting the US dollar has fallen to a 26 year low ing relations since France’s opposition to relative to the Pound Sterling, whilst se- war in Iraq. Sarkozy’s style and direction Prime Minister Gordon Brown has found curities like gold are trading near all time has won him many admirers in America’s And finally, Thaliand himself in another quagmire, this time highs. Republican party, including Presidential over immigration. The office of national hopeful Rudi Giuliani. However, such Over a year since democratically elected statistics revised its estimate of foreign na- Finland school massacre diplomacy may prove fruitless as many Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra was tionals working in the UK from 800,000 believe Republican control of the White ousted in a peaceful military coup, Thai- to 1.5m. Councils across the country are 7 pupils were killed this week in a school House will be lost in next year’s election. land is once again gearing itself for poll- now calling for an increased budget to shooting in Finland hours after the gun- M Sarkozy confirmed his divorce from ing. The leader of the largest party in the cope with the extra numbers. 92.1% of man posted a video on YouTube. Finland wife of 11 years Cecilia last month. Thai parliament, Samak Sundaravej, has Britain’s ethnic make up is Caucasian. has the third highest per capita gun own- accused the instigators of the take over of ership in the world, though gun related Iran has 3,000 centrifuges not being able to fully justify their coup. Petrol gets more expensive crime in the north European country is Shinawatra, now in self imposed exile in rare. The shootings comes a week after 2 In greater defiance of US and European the UK and proud owner of Manchester Oil hit a new high of US$98 on Wednes- were shot dead in a school in Cleveland opinion, Iran has announced that it pos- City football club, had been labelled cor- day, edging ever nearer to the psycho- and months after 32 were gunned down sesses 3,000 centrifuges for uranium Ahmadinajad defies the west rupt and incompetent. Get there faster. Start here.

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Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consultancy. Visit us at www.oliverwyman.com. 8 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Science Science Editor – Ed Henley [email protected] Cool science: superbad superfluids Our plucky reporter delves deep into the Centre for Cold Matter to investigate the “Science Chamber”

Flora Graham

Next time you walk into your build- ing at Imperial, keep your eyes open for the signs leading to the research labs. Mech Eng has the provocatively named “Vibration Technology Centre” and “Lubrication Laboratory,” and you know something good is going on at the “Creep and Fatigue Laboratory.” But you can easily finish your career as a student without ever going through the doors of any these places, which means you’re missing out on the coolest stuff on campus. If you could go through the keyhole you’ll find the biggest, most cutting-edge machines, hidden away within the labs of Imperial. “Mech Eng has the provocatively named ‘Vibration Technology Centre’ and ‘Lubrication Shiny science equipment. All very professional, but as with any proper home-built rig they’ve come up with some ”innovative” solutions for non- Laboratory’ ” essential bits. Like bulldog clips to hold the curtains up The coolest machine at Imperial has got to be found where temperatures super-cooled rubidium atoms, known atoms in the blob all move in exactly hover around 675 nanoKelvin (just as a Bose-Einstein condensate. the same way, the blob has no interior above absolute zero) at the Centre The atoms are intensely cooled by friction, which leads to cool superfluid for Cold Matter in the Department of lasers until they are all at their lowest behaviour like flowing uphill. Physics. Research Associate Jos Ding- possible quantum energy state, where Inside the chamber, the cloud of jam and a team of three PhDs handle things start to get very weird. In this atoms is wrangled into shape by the this machine, which goes by the myste- state they can’t be distinguished from magnetic field formed by an atom chip; rious name of “The Science Chamber”. each other in any way—they exist in a square piece of gold-plated silicon, The Science Chamber is part of a the same location and with the same at- with tiny wires carved into its gleam- much bigger rig, but it gets its name tributes—so they form a kind of super- ing gold surface. This gives the team since “that’s where the science hap- atomic blob that behaves in ways that enough control over the cloud to split pens,” says Dingjam. It’s a vacuum we in the normal temperature range it in two and study how the wave pat- chamber where they create a cloud of can’t imagine. For example, since the terns interfere with one another. “The team wears protective eyewear to avoid boiling their retinas” Like many of the coolest machines at Imperial, the Science Chamber is a home-built rig, and it shows. It’s set in a room-filling metal rack, enclosed by black curtains held up with big bulldog clips. The top of the rack is filled with various power supplies and heat sinks that handle the vast wattage needed to keep the lasers burning and the cur- rents flowing. Radiating around the chamber is a web of tiny mirrors, prisms and lenses that get the lasers into the shape, place, and state where they are needed. The lasers are set up so that the beams are not dangerous for day-to-day work, but the team nevertheless wears pro- tective eyewear when reconfiguring the beams to avoid the risk of boiling retinas. All this power is necessary to cre- ate an environment within the Science Chamber so extreme that it can sup- port a Bose-Einstein condensate, the so-called fifth state of matter. In a place All that glisters... Well, in this case it’s better than normal; at least this like this, the motto is “Forget the elec- silicon chip (used to split the cloud of cold atoms) is covered in gold tricity bill, full speed ahead.” news reader. news maker.

Citi Day on Campus

Citi invites candidates from any degree discipline who are interested in summer internships to participate in Citi Day on Campus for Imperial College on the 23rd November 2007 at the Millenium Gloucester Hotel, Harrington Gardens, Kensington, London.

Citi Day on Campus is designed to give you the opportunity to learn more about our 2008 Summer Internships and the daily activities across our business areas, within our Markets & Banking business.

Detailed below is the timetable of the day: (please note you can come along for one or all of the sessions):

Friday 23 November 09.30-11.00 Technology Case Study 11.15-13.15 Capital Markets Case Study 14.00-16.00 Investment Banking Case Study 16.30-18.30 Trading Game

To sign up for the Citi Day on Campus, please email [email protected] stating Imperial Day on Campus in the subject box, clearly indicating which session(s) you would like to attend. The spaces are allocated on a first come first served basis.

We look forward to meeting you, Citi Graduate Recruitment

© 2007 Citigroup Inc. Authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority. Citi and Arc Design and Let’s Get It Done are service marks of Citigroup Inc. Citigroup Inc. is an equal opportunity employer. unionpage

Wednesday 14th November Clubs & Societies Surgery Trading Forum 12:00 – 13:00 The Union Bar Chris Larvin (Deputy President Finance In the last Clubs This Wednesday lunchtime will see the share your wisdom. & Services) and I have come up with the and Societies fi rst Trading Forum of the year, which • Does the queue idea of being in the Student Activities Board meeting all is your opportunity to have a moan and for the bar make Centre from 10:30 to 13:30 Wednesday the winter tour make some suggestions about the way you want to shoot lunchtimes for our new Clubs & Societies proposals were we run our bars and catering outlets. yourself in the Surgery. We wanted to be in the same discussed. A tour is It will be run in the Union Bar between face? place at the same time to answer any a trip away which 12:00 and 13:00 and we will be providing • Is the bar missing queries, questions, or random thoughts a Club or Society sandwiches and snacks. your favourite real that Club Offi cers as we are often busy cannot usually ale? in meetings or committees and unable do due to time Alistair Cott First off, you should know a little about • Do you like the Chris Larvin to be in the Offi ce at the same time. We constraints or the our trading outlets which include our lunchtime offer? Is Deputy President Deputy President hope that you will fi nd this arrangement distance to the bars, entertainments program and the range extensive (Clubs & Societies) (Finance & Services) much more convenient for all of you, destination. A few [email protected] catering outlets. In South Kensington enough? [email protected] but don’t forget that we can always be of the destinations we have The Union Bar, Da Vinci’s and • Would you like to contacted by phone or email throughout that clubs are going to this year include dBs, as well as the Reynolds Bar at see table service introduced? the week. Scotland, Barbados, and France. Charing Cross Hospital. Our catering • What would you like us to sell? How outlets in South Kensington are located much would you pay for it? Alistair Cott The fi rst Health and Safety Committee in dBs and DaVinci’s and serve hot • Did you enjoy Freshers’ Week? [email protected] (41763) meeting is going to be Monday the 12th and cold food between 8:30 am until • Are you wishing we provided more at that staff and students can change 9:00 pm. Our Entertainments program entertainments for the non-drinkers? Chris Larvin unsafe working practices. The Health includes Freshers Week, Sin City on • Do you want to see entertainments run [email protected] (58062) and Safety Committee considers and a Wednesday, Too Posh to Wash, Bar on a Saturday night? monitors Health and Safety issues FTSE and our end of term carnivals. • What would you like to see at the in the Union and advises on the They are operated for the benefi t of the Christmas Carnival? What else am I doing? appropriateness and adequacy of current students, however we can only solve Health and Safety policies and practices. problems if we know they exist, and we You can also come along and fi nd out I have recently fi nished an electronic rely on our customers, i.e. you, to tell us more about the venue; are you happy version of the income and claim forms So far this year the New Clubs where we are going wrong and how we with the new awning in the Quad? for Clubs & Societies whilst I am writing Committee has set up eight new clubs. can improve. a database which receives the forms They were Indoor Hockey, Gymnastics, This is your chance to get your questions submitted and inputs them into our Racing Green, Stop the War, Atheist and Here are some questions to ask answered by the people who make the fi nance system. This will save the Club Agnostic, Medical Humanities, Christian yourself… decisions. So come along if you want Offi cers time and effort with all their Medical Fellowship, and Consultancy • Are you missing Lowenbrau? Come to make a change in your Union and get transactions and hopefully speed the Society. They are in the process of and fi nd out why it left the Union this some free food while you’re at it. system up so the online fi nances are setting up websites so if any of these summer. more accurate. clubs sound interesting then email • Have you been working behind the bar If you can’t make it, remember you can [email protected] and I can put you in for years and think you understand what always email [email protected] or contact with the committees. our students want? Come along and [email protected] with your gripes.

Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB imperialcollegeunion.org Tel: 020 7594 8060 at the union nov 9th - nov 16th FRIDAY 9TH WEDNESDAY 14TH DJ SAMI SANCHEZ

The best value Wednesday night in town!

Surf Simulator Can you ride the wave?

Drinks Offers!

£1.30 a pint! only From 20:00 FRIDAY 16TH THURSDAY 15TH BAR FTSE + ^ % 1.67 $ £ 2.02 Drinks prices change ALSO ON Tue 13th Super Quiz depending on what you buy, watch out for the COMING UP Wed 21st Sin City - Holiday Reps Night market crashes! Fri 23rd Act.Normal. (They won’t suspect a thing)

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Imperial College Union, Beit Quadrangle, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB The Union encourages responsible drinking. R.O.A.R. Student I.D. Required. 12 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Culture & Arts Editors – Mike Cook, Rosie Grayburn, Caz Knight and David Paw Budding culture vulture? Write for us. The Arts [email protected] Better than Topshop. Fact David Paw reviews Runway Royal, Matthew Williamson’s brand new exhibition

his overview will All this from a tight focus on prints, an ing as any fashion-forward yet rela- ing in comparison, re: The Libertines, present his most imaginative and unabashed penchant tively down-to-earth girl would ever or perhaps Groove Armada. It doesn’t iconic designs.” So for vibrant colour and a keen busi- want. His famous prints are gorgeous stand up. Rosie Grayburn the blurb went. ness acumen built up from a successful too – you are treated to an overview And in isolation, the exhibition feels “TPrints. Colour. partnership with Velosa. Oh, and those of the deceptively difficult process like more of an exercise in engaging Arts Editor More prints. Then came networks. the aesthetic demands to achieve the or introducing a new audience to the inally it’s my favourite sea- an array of said iconic de- Making perfection of some of his designs, and world of design – though a terrific and son, autumn. Took them signs. You couldn’t really clothes dedicated fashionistas and fans will laudable thing in the long run, for the bloody long enough, but fault the designs for what women recognise many of the designs, includ- purist will hardly appeal – a case of now we have those beautiful they were. Rationalising love to ing the striking peacock-feather de- compromising the art to make a crowd F fiery colours lining the trees Williamson’s unadulter- wear can sign and the palm and leaf design that clap in the most hackneyed manner, so as we traverse to college each morning. ated flair for fashion of the have its showed at Olympus Fashion Week not to speak. Most discount fashion and I knew autumn was definately here ear- most frivolous, effeminate drawbacks too long ago. even design as valid art forms, so how lier this morning when I was twatted and playful variety into – they Though stunning, stretching it as far far can you push to make the most friv- round the face by a MASSIVE falling something verging on the might ac- as “iconic” is tenuous. The exhibition olous end of the spectrum seem legiti- sycamore leaf as I was cycling my way intellectual would be like comes off as unjus- mate? And was Williamson really the to lectures. It not only woke me up but trying to rebrand Topshop tifiably egocentric best choice to represent fashion in the really put a smile on my face! Autumn as something runway wor- when you consider arena of design? leaves do it for me. thy or something high- that the rest of the On the one hand, one hardly feels the However, my northern blood tells en…oh wait, they’re still museum is taken envelope being tugged when viewing me it just isn’t cold enough. In Novem- trying to do that. up with someone his clothes. On the other, as a conduit ber, I expect my fingers to be falling off Williamson knows his as dramatic as for opening the glam squad to the idea with frostbite and by breath to be vis- audience. The fashion of fashion as more than ible when you exhale. Remember when world knows his audience fun and games (read: you were little and you used to do that and what he stands for. packing them in), he to pretend you were either a dragon, or However, I’m not quite sure the De- tually wear them. was ideal – it is a pleas- smoking... depending on how much of sign Museum has been let in on this. Williamson de- ant introduction, just a childhood you actually had. Graduating from the hallowed ground signs fashion that engaging enough while And speaking of childhood, we all of Central St Martins in 1994, a chance is accessible and serving up a healthy used to enjoy a good day out when encounter with socialite-cum-journal- actually wear- scoop of eye candy. we were kiddly-winkles - just you and ist-cum-writer Plum Sykes (I’m not able – no heavy But it’s not to say we Mummy and Daddy (or possibly Dad- sure Bergdorf Blondes counts as litera- concepts or de- couldn’t do better. The dy and Daddy) and a day of frolicking ture) led to the creation of his first col- constructionalism hype, the buzz and ex- in the autumn leaves. I miss that. lection in 1997. here. citement – this is part However we can all make up for this Tagged Electric Angels, it was the Understandably, of the Williamson ex- loss by spending the day at one of these beginning of a dizzyingly rapid rise. he has a client list that all but the most Zaha Hadid, perience. There were wonderful institutions showcased in Numbers were dialled, favours were established and coveted of brands can and that the more deserving can- this week’s Arts Pages. Emily Wilson called in and on the day some of the only dream of, though this has drawn truly iconic didates – Lanvin and spent the day in the National Portrait industry’s most renowned attended a criticism from the industry for us- exhibition Giles for example – but Gallery to see the highly acclaimed Pop show modelled by the likes of Helena ing walking fashion billboards such is residing as ever, the Matthew Art Portraits exhibitons. If you are un- Christensen and Jade Jagger. Contacts as muses Sienna Miller and Helena somewhere Williamson publicity sure as to what this is, you will surely were made, networks were spread and Christensen to promote his clothes. on Cromwell machine keeps soldier- have heard of those infamous Marilyn buzz generated, and ten years later And on top of these accolades comes Road at the V&A. There, the hype was ing on. And after a while, everyone will Monroe portaits. Times this by 10 and Williamson and partner Joseph Velosa a solo retrospective that resides on the justified. Here, the exhibition comes believe the hype. you have yourself a Pop Art exhibiton. are sat on top of a multimillion dollar airy top floor of the Design Museum. off as little more than a token gesture Sorted. brand. Williamson is now at the helm All ten square feet of it. of congratulation for what is essen- Matthew Williamson’s “Greatest Meanwhile, David Paw immersed of Pucci and released his very own fra- There isn’t anything wrong with the tially a relatively medium-term level of Hits” are on display at the Design himself in prints, glorious prints at the grance last year. Luxury conglomerate exhibition itself as much as the hype success and canny PR, the equivalent Museum until the 31st January. Design Museum and broadway-guru- LVMH is rumoured to be rapping po- that surrounds it – yes, the clothes of following The Beatles’ greatest hits Entry is £7 and you get to see the Lucy Harrold went off-Westend to see litely on his door. are as beautiful, as striking and excit- with something substantial, yet pal- entire museum for that. Brill. a premiere of hot, new musical, John and Jen. I hope you enjoy this week’s Stanzas for Students. You must be familar with those period dramas on the tellybox and how they sat around in the eve- Student Art In Focus – Dirty Pigeon nings reading verse to each other. Po- etry was made to be read aloud and in order to demonstrate this I chose this This week S.A.I.F. bears great gifts from student poet, Jack E Cronin. Hear ye, hear ye fabulously bloody poem, The Charge of the Light Brigade. The verses are so rhythmic; but to get across the can- This week in “Stu- on one’s bike, or complain about The fact that pigeons roam free wher- tering horses carrying their riders to Dirty Pigeon dent Art in Focus”, the pigeon as being nothing bet- ever they please, as if they lord the their death you are required to read it let us take a look ter than an annoyingly frequent land, leads Cronin to make the bold at high speed. This normally leads to You duck away as the dirty pigeon into poetry. Jack pest. However, typical of Cronin, statement: “Maybe it is actually you wild arm movements, so due to health with ruffled feathers flies past your E Cronin is an whose reputation is growing by who crosses the PIGEONS path”. With and safety precautions, please leave a path, experimental artist to the day, he questions these com- “Pigeon” Cronin really makes the read- radius of arm’s length around you be- Its a dirty flying rat you see. say the least. Cronin mon perceptions. The line er take a step back, and review their fore commencing. You are blind to it until it passes by was previously re- “Free to roam wherever it perceptions. Such is the philosophical It is now over halfway through term YOU. viewed in Felix a few feels” really emphasizes edginess of this piece. and ‘tis the season to attend concerts Why would you notice? weeks back, where the freedom of the To what purpose Cronin will aim and plays given by our fellow students It has no friends, we took a look at a pigeon, in com- his creative genius next remains to be here at Imperial. There are choirs, or- No reason to live. In your view. sample of his con- parison to the seen. What we can be certain of is that chestras, theatrical-types and all sorts Why is this so? temporary collection, utilitarian his artwork will continue to be ground- to be entertaining yourself with. Next Does it not keep the company of the ‘Tom?’. While his art lifestyles breaking, crossing new bridges in his week’s issue will include a handy calen- open sky? errs towards the side of Lon- grand vision for artistic perfection. dar of all events coming up so you can’t Free to roam wherever it feels. of minimalism, Cronin’s doners. possibly forget! No boundaries. poetry takes a more tradi- This week’s commentary is by If there is anything you want us to in- No expectations. tional approach. Scott Greening. He recently com- clude or you would like to review, let us Unrestricted. The poem “Dirty Pigeon” at- pleted his dissertation on Jack’s know. Until then my pretties, stay cul- Who really lives the better life? tempts to convey an alterna- Poetry. Scott wishes to study tured and happy. And respect those pi- Maybe it is actually you who crosses tive conception of London’s Dirty Pigeon for his PhD but geons. Especially the dirty ones. They the PIGEONS path. attitude. It is all too easy is still waiting for funding. want love and attention, just like you. to want to run over pigeons Good luck Scotty. Friday 9 November 2007 felix 13 [email protected] Arts Pop goes the portraits. Literally Emily Wilson pops into the National Portrait Gallery for a bite to eat and a Pop Art portrait or two...

t’s easy to forget about the Na- other equally sloaney ingredient, but it nous blob of a naked woman in “Great tional Portrait Gallery, tucked was good cake nonetheless – light and American Nude Number #27” by Tom away as it is behind the better fluffy with creamy icing. But putting Wesselman. Another painting worth known National Gallery at Tra- mascarpone in the icing did make it seeing is “Interesting Journey” by Al- I falgar Square. But now is the a bit cheesy. It’s not a fucking cheese- len Jones. Had I been given the guide ideal time to visit the main collections cake, people. It’s a coffee-walnut cake. I might have been able to find out if it while you’re popping in for Pop Art Leave it alone! was supposed to be Prince Charles’s Portraits, the major exhibition running The National Portrait Gallery and head and three hamburgers, or if it was until 20th January 2008. its permanent collections made for a just me being over-creative. I hadn’t been to the National Portrait thoroughly enjoyable afternoon out. There were a couple of different Gallery since the long-ago days of my It was quiet considering it was a half- examples of pop art sculpture includ- childhood. All I could remember about term Saturday, and the museum was ing one in the last room called “Ghost it was it being small, slightly cramped generally calming and pleasant to me- Wardrobe for MM” by Claes Olden- and full of... well... portraits. The NPG, ander through. The main exhibits are burg. It was string hung off a metal upon more recent inspection, is still unexpectedly large and varied, with rail to look like clothing. I didn’t get it. small and slightly cramped, but has every famous figure imaginable from It looked like a wardrobe, sure, but it obviously had lashings of National the Tudor era to modern day. The gal- was... string. Once again, neither prop- Lottery money thrown at it since my leries are well laid out (once you’ve er art nor a portrait, and it wasn’t even last visit. The building’s been modern- found a map), generally chronological- nice to look at. In the same room was ized to within an inch of its life but still ly arranged but incorporating smaller “MM” by Richard Smith, some orange retains an awkward layout that’s dif- rooms that focus on certain aspects paint streaked across a canvas. I’m not ficult to navigate. This isn’t helped by of history, for example ‘Romanticism’, saying it isn’t art, but it ain’t pop art a lack of signs and maps as you walk ‘Science and Technology’ and ‘from and it sure ain’t a portrait. Nearby were in. Most museums and art galleries Revolution to Reform’. This makes it the Marilyn Monroes made famous by display their floor plans somewhere easy to find the portraits that closest Andy Warhol. They’re iconic but at the around their entrances, but evidently match your interests: Poetry buffs can same time they felt overexposed and the NPG hasn’t thought to do so. Even see Keats, Burns, Clare, Wordsworth cliched to me. Pity, because they’re the hand-out maps are a challenge to and Shelley; Budding scientists can big and beautiful with some astound- find (keep walking forwards from the come face to face with William Harvey, ing use of colours, both complemen- entrance, and they’re hidden amongst Robert Boyle, Michael Faraday, Joseph tary and clashing. It was at this point other leaflets on the ticket desk). Lister, Charles Darwin, Sir Alexander in the room that it dawned on me that The first thing I went looking for, Fleming and T.H. Huxley; and for all MM stood for Marilyn Monroe, and I’ll admit, was the cafe. My quest for you abundant feminists at Imperial the whole room was of art dedicated caffeination led me on a grand tour there’s Mary Wollstonecraft, Emme- to her. Why not highlight this fact on of the museum before finding the cafe line Pankhurst, Amy Johnson and Vir- some kind of sign?? The best piece hidden in the lower basement behind ginia Woolf. There’s somebody for eve- in the room was “Marilyn” by Allan the bookshop (of course?). It’s not for rybody and I could quite easily go on... INTERESTING JOURNEY BY ALLEN JONES, 1962 D’Arcangelo – a cut out and assemble the claustrophobic – the seating is in a Oh, by the way, the only room I would © ALLEN JONES Marilyn with a pair of metal scissors long narrow area surrounded by con- NOT recommend was the Diana Prin- Obviously this is Prince Charles and 3 hamburgers. What else could it hanging off by a string. The crisp lines crete and bricks, and the only windows cess of Wales room. It was nauseating. POSSIBLY be?! (Answers on a postcard to the usual address) and vivid colours were classic pop art, to the outside world are above your Let’s get down to business: Pop Art and the concept was good fun. head. But it was impeccably clean, Portraits. For those who don’t know, When I think of pop art, I think of with the tables being cleared instantly. pop art was a visual arts movement ardo Paolozzi and David Hockney. Pop Paolozzi postcard and a Pop Art Por- Roy Lichtenstein. So I was surprised The menu was varied and high quality, of the mid twentieth century. Largely art generally involves solid blocks of traits bookmark. How kind! However, to see only one example of his well- though possibly tending to the wanky American, the movement was inspired vivid colour, crisp lines, simple shapes they didn’t bother to give me the free known work, “In the Car”. It wasn’t side. Goats cheese quiche, anybody? by the international trends towards and plenty of collage. Looking at pop guide to the exhibition that everybody even a painting I recognized. Surely It wasn’t cheap but they had offers mass culture, consumerism and ad- art is often like looking at a comic else was walking round with. Due to this figurehead of the movement de- on breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea vertising. Many pop art pieces feature book. It’s funky, kitschy and it targets this, and the complete lack of informa- serves more representation in this ma- depending on the time. I ordered a images of famous people and famous the masses. tion provided inside the exhibition it- jor exhibition? I suspect no other art large cappuccino and a piece of coffee brands, like Marilyn Monroe and the My press ticket was presented to self, I was forced to depend on my own institutions (the Tate springs to mind cake. The cappuccino wasn’t my idea Campbell’s soup cans made iconic by me paper-clipped to a smug wadge of limited art history knowledge and raw – they have a few Lichtensteins knock- of large, but it came with real flakes of Andy Warhol. Alongside Warhol, fa- press handouts which included, among observation to try and figure out what ing about) were willing to lend out chocolate on top. My coffee cake was mous names in the movement include information about events I have no in- was going on. I found this difficult. their prized possessions to the NPG. wankified by mascarpone and some Roy Lichtenstein, Keith Haring, Edu- tention of ever attending, a Eduardo Some of the works in the exhibition That was a shame. Also, there was one didn’t seem very pop art-esque, and token David Hockney but it wasn’t a some simply weren’t portraits. “Astro- good one. naut 4” by Gerald Land, for example, Overall I’d say the absence of any an- was an oddly shaped creation involving notation or written guidance around polkadots and an astronaut’s helmet. the art was the major problem with the Does that count as a portrait? Equally, exhibition. All the other major muse- “Trophy V” by Robert Rauschenberg ums offer such information, and the is a canvas with some grey and cream NPG did have it in their main galleries, paint slapped about, a cardboard box so I can’t understand the lack in this glued on, and some kind of metal win- case. It definitely lessened my enjoy- dow through it. Where is the portrait? ment of ‘Pop Art Portraits’, so make And where’s the pop art? sure you nab one before you go in! I Among the first pieces to be seen as was also disappointed by the selection you enter the exhibition are some very of art on offer – some expected favour- likable collages by Ray Johnson and ites were absent and some of the paint- Eduardo Paolozzi, mostly depicting ings present seemed irrelevant. It didn’t 1950s home scenes. They make you seem like proper representation of the want to hack up some Good House- theme “Pop Art Portraits”. It certainly keeping magazines and create your wasn’t much of an introduction to any- own funky masterpieces. Later on, body not already familiar with pop art. “Man Playing Snooker and Thinking Don’t let me put you off the National of Other Things” by Derek Boshier Portrait Gallery in general – I’d recom- was another delight: a happy jumble of mend it to everybody as a relaxing and bold green background, bright abstract enjoyable afternoon out. Where else shapes and the occasional interjection can you rub shoulders with so many of words such as “I hate you! (yea you!)”. inspirational thinkers of the past and The self portrait by Andy Warhol used present? But perhaps Pop Art Portraits in the promotional posters around is better left to the art enthusiasts. London is possibly my favourite in the exhibition. The flat use of grey Why don’t you pop into the isn’t something you expect from pop Pop Art Portrait exhibiton? It’s art, but it remains true to the move- on until the 20th January 2008. ment with its simple outlines and the Remember to pass on the ‘wanki- JUST WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES TODAY’S HOMES SO DIFFERENT, SO APPEALING? bright green splotches for eyes. I also fied’ mascarpone cake. (What a © RICHARD HAMILTON loved the ice-creams and milkshakes word, Emily! That’s going in my Quite simply, I want this lounge. Especially that spam. And those breasts. positioned in a row in front of a gelati- vocabulary right now.) 14 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Arts [email protected] A nice, warming musical for winter On a cold winter night, Lucy Harrold warms her cockles with ‘John and Jen’ at the Finborough Theatre

he Finborough theatre very true to life Dear God, where Jen lievable, even having to change from is not, I guess your aver- moans about her brother embarrass- one to the other. age theatre. For a start, ing her at a basketball match and then I loved the simplicity and modest it’s nestled in the heart of Baseball where the second act John nature of John&Jen, it’s such an hon- T Earls Court - only a ten moans about his mother’s actions at est show. Although the down to earth minute walk from Evelyn Gardens (so his baseball match in exactly the same aspect to it and the strong and realistic all you people in Halls around there way. storyline makes me think of the show have no excuse not to go!) - so nowhere Andrew Lippa’s music fits perfectly more as a play that happens to have near the West End. to the mood of the play; it’s childlike singing in it. The score and lyrics are Also, it’s above a pub so there’s an- when it needs to be yet mature and really strong and the two performers other incentive to go. This flummoxed thoughtful at other times, with the are amazing both vocally and as ac- me the first time I went and so spent same recurring themes appearing to tors. The musicians are also on stage: ages walking around the outside of the remind the audience of previous songs just a basic electric piano and a single pub to find the entrance to the theatre. and episodes. Tom Greenwald’s lyrics violinist. Both are played by very tal- The entrance is in fact through the pub are witty and perceptive, together they ented musicians. I liked the use of lid- and up a couple of flights of stairs. capture the innocence of childhood ded boxes to both set (as moving box- And so to the theatre itself. The and the loss of that innocence. es, a bed, chairs…) and told hold the upstairs of the theatre is just a single A lot of responsibility is laid upon props for the entire show as there are room with unreserved bench seating the two actors, as they have to carry no wings or off stage space, the way the for about fifty people and you’re not al- all of the storyline and all of the songs. moving of these was incorporated into lowed to be late, else you’ll find yourself Helen Evans and Jon Hawkins manage the action was really clever. on the stage. The stage is just the rest of this brilliantly. Both actors have to take The show leaves you questioning the the room, with the exits being the exit their characters from childhood (in decisions you make about yourself and you went through when you came in. Hawkin’s case, birth) through to being those around you and about the rela- The theatre itself is a registered char- a fully matured adult, Hawkins doing tionships you have. Everyone can relate ity and strives to put on both plays and this twice for two completely differ- to at least one of the relationships em- musicals that you won’t find at many ent characters. Seeing as some people bodied in the play, everyone has been a other venues, including rediscovered can’t manage this in the twenty or so brother, a sister, a mother or a child. and new plays plus old British musicals years they have to grow up, this makes The Finborough theatre is a great lit- and a great series of UK premieres of the task even harder. I fell in love with tle theatre, and it’s doing a lot to pro- smaller off-Broadway productions. It is John and Jen is on for two Sunday nights only, so get on your bike! Hawkin’s John; his characterisation of mote the off-West End scene which, from through collection that John&Jen the young boy was so authentic that lets face it, isn’t doing that great, and is being shown for the next two Sun- it made it all the harder to handle the new plays and musicals in general. days and next Monday. between Jen and the two Johns in her them anywhere near you. tragedy that prevails later in the play. Even if you decide that Jon&Jen isn’t The writers of Jon&Jen, Andrew Lip- life; her brother and her son. In the Act two is concerned with the rela- His voice is amazing (he’s going on your thing, you should definitely get pa (music) and Tom Greenwald (lyrics) first act, we explore the lives of John tionship of Jen, now grown up, and her to do the tour of Mamma Mia next; yourself along to the Finborough some are really unknowns in Britain unless and Jen, brother and sister growing son John. Obviously, the back-story I think his talent is worth more than time, there’s always a great selection of you’re me, or you know someone else up in Post-WWII America; a time of from the first act is still relevant and that!) Plus he has these crazy piercing material on during the season and they that loves off-Broadway musical thea- mixed opinions about government, vi- followed up on in the second act. Jen blue eyes! offer student discounts too. If you’re tre. No, didn’t think you did. Lippa’s olence and love. The pair are followed goes through many of the emotions Evans’ Jen was so genuine; you could ever after somewhere different to go, works include ‘The Wild Party’ (one of all the way from John’s birth until early and events she went through in the first really see her transformation from try it! You never know, you might en- my favourite shows) and the reworking twenties. It’s not the perfect childhood act, thus taking up the opportunity to bratty sister, through hippy to loving joy it! of ‘You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown’ either, their father is abusive and Jen show how the decisions we make can and (slightly over)caring mother. The (a musical about Snoopy and the gang) does her best to hide her little brother change our lives for better or worse. emotions she has to go through are This gem of a show in that gem and is working on many new projects from this fact and protect him from Specific scenarios from the first act are immense and Evans copes with these of a theatre is on this Sunday that will hopefully some day be seen the abuse. The siblings go through the echoed in the second, allowing the au- admirably, her voice did get lost at 11th, next Sunday 18th and the here. Greenwald is now a screenwriter issues that all siblings go through from dience to compare and contrast. It was some moments, but this just added to Monday after. That is IT. So get and works for an theatre advertising forcing your sibling to play with you interesting to see the way Jen’s attitude the emotion. The connection between on it. Go!! company. when they don’t want to, to suddenly towards Christmas had changed with these two actors both as brother and See www.finboroughtheatre. John&Jen is about the relationship just a few years later not wanting to see what had happened to her. I loved the sister and mother and son is really be- co.uk for more information.

The Finborough Theatre on Finborough Road, just down the way from Earl’s Court tube station Scraping the barrel for pictures... What the family might look like Friday 9 November 2007 felix 15 [email protected] Arts Dramsoc’s bloody Halloween treat Detective Richard Lai investigates this year’s Dramsoc Freshers’ Play, ‘Dial M for Murder’... Ring ring!

sharp detection and Max’s clever de- use some more flexibility to reflect his have thought he was English rather ciphering, Tony’s supposedly compli- cunningness, but this is really not bad than “Switzeraeli”! cated plan starts to collapse. for a virgin actor – I see great potential. A comedy moment arrived when Being a freshers’ play, it is no surprise It will be good to see how far he goes in Max turned up alone in front of Tony, to see unfamiliar faces in the cast list of the next production. excitedly spelling out his “own” story six. However, it did not take long for Sheila, played by Nada Jumabhoy, that coincidentally matched the truth, me to start liking them. It was obvi- was slightly disappointing. I remember hoping that Tony would give this to the ous that George Koulouris, who plays deeply that in her conversation with police, which might rescue Sheila from Tony, has a fair amount of acting expe- Max at the beginning, it sounded as her death sentence, although having to rience: he was able maintain the same put himself into prison. Of course, Tony character throughout the play, and the had no interest in saving Shelia any- posh British accent he put on should “an excellent way and shooed Max away with slight also be credited – it somehow charmed panic, but luckily Hubbard’s mind was the audience. However, because of his production with on the same frequency as Max’s, so the consistency, he had already revealed two teamed up (not intentionally) and his evil side right from the beginning. some great eventually caught Tony red-handed. Don’t get me wrong though: George is Last but not least, we have the leg- a great actor, but it’s just that I’d like performances” endary Sir Walter Plinge’s Williams, to see more of a double-character for a whose manly voice could be heard greater suspension at the beginning. if she was just reading her lines. What from the back when responding Hub- David Stacey’s brainy Max was also put me off later was how she reacted bard, but his body never appeared on one of my favourites. With his intel- after the attempted murder: nothing. stage. The reason? It will remain a lectual lines right from the start, and There was no sign of guilt on her face, mystery. a slight desperation for Sheila, there after she reversed the killing and let Overall, it is an excellent produc- is no reason to blame Sheila for liking Lesgate’s bloody body lie on the floor. tion with a great stage set-up and some this man. David’s lively character was She was not even close to crying. It just great performances, perfect for a light also what kept the audience focused didn’t feel natural at all. A more thor- evening. Technically there were no Uh oh... like somebody call the cops and excited. I really look forward to see ough preparation and direction would major flaws either, so well done to the him in a comedy someday. have eliminated this. backstage crew. If you missed out on While Sheila and Max were out, Tony In the second half of the show, In- this production, have no fear: hope- ramSoc’s opening play of We are sat in front of a London flat summoned Joscha Diehl’s Lesgate for a spector Hubbard, played by the charm- fully DramSoc’s next production will the year is the late Fre- in the 50s, where resident Tony – a car trade, but in fact he just wanted to ing Gilead Amit, turned up in Tony’s show their real capability with the rest derick Knott’s murder former British tennis player – uses his blackmail Lesgate to commit a murder. flat. I was impressed by his profession- of their veteran members. mystery thriller, “Dial M old colleague, Lesgate, to plot the “per- Lesgate was a perfect, stone-cold (al- alism as an inspector on stage, doing D for Murder”, directed by fect murder” against his loaded wife, though unsuccessful) assassin, but per- all the right things that a real inspector Always a good evening’s enter- Fran Buckland. This was brought to us Sheila, whom he knows is having an haps a bit shy. I also struggled to hear would do, even down to the tiniest de- tainment! Dramsoc’s next play is in its original flavour with no moderni- affair with Max, a crime story writer. his words in his meeting with Tony. tails. And slightly off-topic: if I had not ‘Translations’ and runs from 28th sation or any fantasy costumes. However, with Inspector Hubbard’s Again, like Tony’s character, he could read about him in the cast list, I would November to 1st December. Stanzas for Students (who do science degrees) Dramatic, terrible and my favourite. Good old Tennyson shows us how it’s done with the Charge of the Light Brigade. I want to see you all reading this a lot around campus in your best theatrical voices!

Half a league, half a league, Flash’d as they turn’d in air, Half a league onward, Sabring the gunners there, All in the valley of Death Charging an army, while Rode the six hundred. All the world wonder’d: ‘Forward, the Light Brigade! Plunged in the battery-smoke ‘Charge for the guns!’ he said: Right thro’ the line they broke; Into the valley of Death Cossack and Russian Rode the six hundred. Reel’d from the sabre-stroke Shatter’d and sunder’d. ‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’ Then they rode back, but not Was there a man dismay’d? Not the six hundred. Not tho’ the soldier knew Some one had blunder’d: Cannon to the right of them, Their’s not to make reply, Cannon to the left of them, Their;s not to reason why, Cannon behind them Their’s but to do and die: Voley’d and thunder’d; Into the valley of Death Storm’d at with shot and shell, Rode the six hundred. While horse and hero fell, They that had fought so well Cannon to right of them, Came thro’ the jaws of Death Cannon to left of them, Back from the mouth of Hell, Cannon in front of them All that was them of them, Volley’d and thunder’d; Left of six hundred. Storm’d at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Whe can their glory fade? Into the jaws of Death, O the wild charge they made! Into the mouth of Hell All the world wonder’d. Rode the six hundred. Honour the charge they made! Honour the Light Brigade, Flash’d all their sabres bare, Noble six Hundred!

This famous charge took place during in front and on both flanks by Russian the battle of Balaklava, 25th October guns and masses of Russian soldiers, 1854. Under mistaken orders - ‘Some Of the 607 troopers, 409 fell and only one had blunder’d’ - the Earl of Car- 198 escaped. A bloody massacre, re- digan, with his Light Brigade of 607 ally. Here endeth the lesson. That’s all horsemen, rode up a valley, manned for this week, kiddies. 16 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Music Music Editors – Jenny Gibson and Matty Hoban [email protected] Ashes to lashes, from dust to dust Golden oldies Ash are running up against the eye-candy of the new lady on the block, Bat For Lashes in this week’s music section. Ash come out favourably however, managing to get five truly coveted Felix stars

ROBIN ANDREWS Live Review Live Review

Ash Bat For Lashes Brixton Academy Koko ★★★★★ ★★★★✩

Brixton hasn’t got the best reputation Knowing Bat For Lashes’ deep fasci- in the country; in fact, whilst wander- nation with whatever falls in between ing cautiously through the South Lon- dreams, the subconscious and spir- don district, several explosions and itualism, it was no surprise to walk police sirens could be heard. Although into Koko’s richly opulent interior and the explosions were (most probably) seeing the stage looking like it had fireworks, the thought of gunfire and been decorated by Tim Burton’s set street crime came flooding back to me. designer. With glittering, golden trees Last time I came to Brixton, I was be- adorning strange symbols, an inky ing chased through the streets wearing black curtain holding up twinkling a lab coat. I went to see We Are Scien- fairy lights and a full moon displaying tists, if you are wondering. starchy Native American projections, This time, however, I was here to see you wouldn’t be blamed for thinking Ash, the trio from Northern Ireland. that you had stepped into some kind of As I entered the academy, I checked pagan ritual. my pockets, and all of my possessions Looking like forest nymphs, the were still present and accounted for. I musicians walked on stage as Natasha hadn’t been mugged, chased, or threat- Kahn opened her set with a whispery ened, and was lulling myself into a false French incantation that silenced an al- sense of security. ready highly attentive crowd – one that Nevertheless, when Ash stepped cheered uproariously as the pulsing onto the stage, and just after the open- bass to the gorgeous “Trophy” kicks in. ing riffs to the title track of their lat- It was a bewitching experience: Lizzy est – and final – album were heard, I Carey and Abi Fry were perfect on was crushed against the metal barri- their violas, the string section was rich ers separating myself and the band by against the subtle gusts of the brass mere metres. And by crushed, I mean while Caroline Weeks’ guitar gurgled suffered severe internal bleeding of the under Kahn’s breathy vocals. “I Saw A stomach, lungs and kidneys. Despite Light” almost became an early high- being through some tough times in the light as it demonstrated Kahn’s emo- band’s history, most recently involv- tive, Björk-esque wails over a rousing ing the discharge of their pianist and crescendo. second guitarist Charlotte Hatherley, Apart from a strangely hollowed it seems Ash’s fan base remains as die- rendition of “What’s A Girl To Do?” in hard and as strong in numbers as ever. which its deeper sounds were replaced To be perfectly honest with you, I by weak synth washes, nearly every only have Ash’s most recent album, track sounded better than their album “Twilight of the Innocents”, which I Ash looking all pretty somehow in incredibly clashing colours. Explanations to the usual address please counterpart. This is especially true of acquired after hearing samples from it “Sarah” – a maudlin track on record, at Snow Patrol’s recent O2 Arena gigs, but reduced to a minimalist nightmare where Ash were called in as the prime than one thousand people have heard ature epics. Of course, this was but a grandeur, and is personally one of my as Kahn beats the floor with a totem support act. It was everything I looked of them, Ash’s sizeable fan base clearly taster of what was to follow. favourite songs of all time. pole (“My beautiful new stick!”) to give for in an album, and decided very soon removes them from this ridiculous cat- “Polaris”, a song seemingly about war, Interestingly enough, the track’s lyri- a vicious beat against a disjointed and afterwards to go and see them perform egory and puts them squarely in the has a string section sample accompany- cal content appears to share stark simi- screeching electric guitar. more of their material. ambiguous ‘alternative rock’ section. ing another excellent bass line by Mark larities with the central character from The best performance, however, was This isn’t to say I haven’t ever heard Perhaps this is why I am such a fan of Hamilton and of course the superb Neon Genesis Evangelion, the most a cover of Tom Waits’ “Lonely”. Origi- some of Ash’s older tracks. As soon as their latest album as opposed to “1977” guitar riffs of Wheeler. With the darker influential and critically-acclaimed nally a low key piano track from when “Orpheus” kicked into life, I wasn’t the or “Free All Angels”. Every track they subject matter and the amazingly har- anime series ever made. Being a huge his voice didn’t sound like a forty-fags- only one leaping against the barriers – performed before my melting eyes monious instrumentality produced by fan of this particular series and of Ash, a-day growl, it was given a full orches- the entire building burst into ecstasy from their collection of older LPs were the trio, this track could easily be part this meant I had very high expecta- tral arrangement replete with string as the thundering bass line and heavy storming, thundering, explosive, pow- of a thought-provoking motion picture tions when it came to this particular swells, blasts of French horns and a duty drum work lay down the foun- erful, and of course, incredibly memo- soundtrack. Nevertheless, even this is track. Performed live, it connected the stunning flute arrangement that was dations for frontman Tim Wheeler’s rable. Still, there is something about dwarfed by the sheer scope of the titu- audience to the band and each other in seemingly pulled out of Kahn’s bot- excellent winding guitar and soaring their most recent album which puts it lar track, which uses string, piano and a way few other songs can. I was not tomless magician’s hat. vocals. up their next to the best in alternative glockenspiel samples, along with Ash’s disappointed in the slightest. Throughout, she remained a per- Another seemingly-legendary track rock. trinity of extremely talented musicians, Ending the gig with both new and fectly welcoming hostess, making con- – by the fans’ standards, at least – was Despite not playing “Princess Six” – a to convey such an epic composition old – the quietly spectacular End of versation with the crowd and inviting “Kung Fu”, which was as intense as the tale of love lost in a metaphor of royal- it sounds as if it should belong to the the World and the mosh-pit inducing supporting act Spleen back on stage martial art it is named after. On sev- ty, accompanied by a sparky lead guitar climax of piece of cinematic genius. “Burn Baby Burn”, respectively – Ash to provide beat-boxing duties on one eral of the songs, including this one, – all of their best tracks from Twilight The song appears to tell the story of a gave their fans everything they wanted, of the tracks (to a distractingly disap- the band wisely and very pleasingly ex- of the Innocents were played amidst person trapped in a post-apocalyptic and by the looks on their faces, the re- pointing effect it has to be said – either tended the instrumental section, giving the smorgasbord of old singles and world and how he seems to be dealing ception they received was worth all the his mike was too low, or it was a really the crowd a little more mosh for their long-time fan favourites. “You Can’t with both the conflict across the plan- blood, sweat and tears that had gone half-arsed effort). The atmosphere was money. Even the marginally slower Have It All”, which contains arguably et and the internal conflicts he faces into their latest musical offering. kept at a lightly eerie tone and amid her tracks, including “Shining Light”, were one of the best bass tracks of recent within himself. Do yourself a favour: when Ash next nocturnal ballads (and especially when still far more of an adrenaline rush than times, debuted first, and heads were The introspective lyrics and stunning comes to visit your hometown, go and she invited the crowd to howl at the your average indie band garble. simultaneously banging away. “Black- vocals, along with an utterly jaw-drop- bathe yourself in the “Twilight”. They moon), you can’t help thinking that if Of course, Ash is not an indie band. listed and Ritual” soon followed, both ping, emotive orchestral theme and the may tell you that “You Can’t Have It everyone in the audience was dressed They might have been once, but as of which allowed a mix of Wheeler’s repeated lyric “I’m still breathing; my All”, but in some cases such as this, it is up, this would have been one hell of a most indie bands nowadays are not vocals and the brilliant drumming of heart’s still beating” allows the track to very clear that with Ash, you can. surreal Halloween party. allowed to be called ‘indie’ unless less Rick McMurray to produce the mini- exude a sense of both mystery and epic Robin Andrews Jorge Costa Friday 9 November 2007 felix 17

Film Film Editor – Alex Casey [email protected] Lions For Lambs purrs for thought Robert Redford’s political debate gives plenty of material for discussion but ends in an overblown dead-heat

litical apathy whilst Streep and Cruise students in the Sixties and exposes a sit- Lions For Lambs ★★★✫✫ face off as a journalist and smooth back mentality that prevents change, talking senator discussing a new at- yet without exploring the reasons for Director: Robert Redford tack strategy in Afghanistan. The plan such lethargy. Streep, meanwhile, is the Writer: Matthew Michael of attack itself becomes the third story, voice of media ethics, one of many who Carnahan as two young soldiers struggle to stay in the post-9/11 shellshock supported Cast: Robert Redford, Tom Cruise, alive fighting for a country that, hither- this war which hindsight seems to view Meryl Streep to, hasn’t treated them with the respect so abhorrently. To what extent did the they deserve. saturated sensationalist reports fed to The effect of the Vietnam War was a broken country fuel its thirst for re- Alex Casey only visible as an aftershock for cine- venge? And in Afghanistan, why is it Film Editor ma, with the subject matter it provided that young people on the edge of soci- only finding its way into film years ety fight for a country that has not giv- Lions For Lambs is hardly the beast its after the conflict itself was over. Crit- en them their dues, whilst the spoiled title lays claims to. A slickly edited real ics said it came too late, and now, six bourgeoisie sit back and criticise? time drama with three loosely related years since the “War on Terror” was These ideas are conveyed with the threads spanning the globe, it sounds declared, come its effects on screen. subtlety of Paul Haggis’ Crash, the like an episode of 24 but with the is- With the ending still unbeknownst to same subtlety America is renowned sues at hand discussed through theat- us, the direction to take seems an odd for. The hidden meaning here is about rical dialogue, not the messianic Jack one. The routes of condemnation ver- as covered up as Britney Spears stum- Bauer. Add the heavyweight cast of sus absolution intertwine without an bling into a taxi, yet the impact is not Meryl Streep, Robert Redford and Tom end point to measure the justification significantly lessened for it. All three Cruise to serve as conduits for a sharp of the means, and leave Lions posing a actors are finely equipped to deal with battle of wits over the “War on Terror” lot of questions it can’t answer. their parts, yet no-one seems to get and political punch is assured, yet Li- That said, many of the points raised stretched at any point. Dialogue re- ons never reaches a fulfilling roar. in Lions resonate beyond a purely cin- places dramatics and despite Cruise MFI brought in some big names to sell their latest showroom Whilst not a simple exercise in flag- ematic experience. “Do you want to getting crazier by the day, he can still waving, Lions seems very much like an win the war on terror?” asks Cruise’s pull off great performances, and this American product aimed at an Ameri- senator, enlisting a dubious response one, oddly reminiscent of his superior directing, the focus is not often re- less than five.” Who knew that Amer- can audience, probing the effect of that belies the simplistic yes-no answer turn in Magnolia, stands well against moved from the issues at hand. One ica was capable of being so self-aware, a foreign war on home soil. Redford he wants. Redford’s strand analyses the the other two Goliaths. line in particular refuses to diminish: nevermind self-critical? Lions may not plays a professor trying to inspire a dis- middle-class youth’s reaction to war, The philosophy of Lions is its strong- “What have we been doing for the last answer its own questions, but it cer- illusioned student to overcome his po- a very different one to the activism of est tick box though and, with Redford six years, Senator? World War II took tainly gets you thinking.

YOUR FUTURE’S GETTING CLOSER.

The deadline for Graduate applications is November 18, 2007.

The clock’s ticking. But there’s still time to get your application in. And the career you’ve always wanted. This is where you need to be.

jpmorgan.com/careers

JPMorgan is a marketing name of JPMorgan Chase & Co. and its subsidiaries worldwide. ©2007 JPMorgan Chase & Co. All rights reserved. JPMorgan is an equal opportunities employer. One for the ladies...

Felix’s very own Mr Muscle, Chiraush Patel, Boy showing off his very large... muscles. Do you have bigger muscles? Prove it, pose here!

[email protected] by Sally Longstaff 20 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Media Produced by the members of mosaic union.ic.ac.uk/mosaic Ask the Union President This week stoic tv tells us about the show which puts the Union President the hot seat, in front of television cameras and on the receiving end of your questions

he story so far: in March this year, in what is his- torically termed an ‘elec- Lia Han tion’, five people were T nominated as sabbaticals Head of Publicity to run Imperial College Union. Since C you want my Radio the start of August they’ve been paid to Salutations! Welcome to the represent you to the College and to the first edition of IC Radio’s Felix wider world, and to run Union services column. We’re going against the – the bars, the events, student support, I grain, doing the ol’ reach around, and facilities for all those clubs and and putting pen to paper (rather than societies. sound to ear) to bring you the latest IC One of these, the editor of this es- Radio news. There are as many ways to teemed publication, is of course be- get into Radio as there are into Court- yond reproach. Another – who is in ney Love’s Hole, so don’t shy away if charge of the whole lot – is Stephen you have some horrific speech impedi- Brown, the Union President. ment or the only piece of music you’ve Now, you may believe the Union is a heard is Tubular Bells. If you fancy perfect entity, a shining idyll of perfec- doing a show (music, banter, news, tion in a world of disorder and distress confessional, Dr Love, Dr Death Ship- (in which case you might want to know man, etc), learning how sound produc- how they manage this!) Or, possibly tion is done (fuzzyfelt and sticklebacks more likely, there may be something mostly) or being some big clever hella- that even slightly concerns you… from mashup DJ then we are now your best drink prices in Da Vinci’s to the system friends! of governance, from how the Union is Our Radio Committee, this year, are spending its money, to its position on sacrificing their academic year to make top-up fees or the NUS. Is the Union IC Radio the best it can be. Seriously, providing enough facilities, and the watch me fail my exams to bring you right ones? Are you a club member top comedic guests, pop bands who’ll worried about how your club is run, or shake what their mothers gave them a committee member worried about for 2p and a humungous amount of running a club? Or are you having promo CDs! We’re also planning trips problems with any part of the College to radio stations in London, as well as – Residences, the Registry, or seeming- getting the best DJs to come down and ly random regulations - that you think give DJ skills sessions. the Union should be pushing to have And for reference, I’m Lia, Head of sorted out? Publicity, DJ Kitty Mao (will do Christ- If only there was a way that the presi- mas parties for food) and co-host of dent, Stephen Brown could know your The Union President doing publicity for his election campaign last year. Now’s your chance to grill him Car Crash Radio (Mondays at 5. Alive... problems – and, to let students across they were nice drinks weren’t they?). Imperial know what could be done I’m here to harass famous people and to get them solved. Well, fortunately this edition of Ask The President, we’ll tion answered, find out what the Presi- rent affairs shows (we have stoic news big corporations for YOU! Possibly there is - quite simply, you can Ask The need your questions by this Monday, dent can do about it, and who knows, bulletins as well, every week) we make simultaneously wearing my big fluffy President. 12 November. Then, on Thursday, the Union may get that one step closer wacky light entertainment, philosophi- velveteen headphones. MMM...snug. Each month, stoic tv puts your ques- you’ll be able to view the programme to perfection, thanks to you. cal short films, and lots more! Visit us at www.icradio.com to soak tions to the President of the Union, and in the JCR and, as with all our other Ask The President is one of several up a sample of our sweet nectar (or ear lets the world hear the responses. Send- shows, you can watch online at www. stoic tv shows in production, shot If you want to get involved, in sex if tuning in after 9) and to find out ing in your question is easy: just email stoictv.com, or on the stoic tv channel from our studio in the West Basement front or behind the camera, just more about getting involved! it to [email protected]. For on iTunes. So: you’ll hear your ques- of Beit Quad. As well as newsy cur- email us at [email protected]. I had sex with a famous pornstar last night

Felix Office Pornographer hands. Mind you, putting the ISO too little flash will reach five billion miles high will make your photos way more to light up Sir Abramovich? You don’t No I didn’t. Well, I did, but this article grainy than is acceptable, so one must see those guys with lenses as big as my is actually about taking photos in the find a balance. dick (or Rob’s) using a flash, and they dark. If you do not have a flash that you are behind the advertising boards, So you’ve bought some crappy cam- can detach from your camera (i.e. you pretty close to the action. era and want to take pretty pictures have a shitty point-and-shoot camera What they do use, though, are mo- with it. Unfortunately, there isn’t that you got ripped off for in Jessops) nopods. Monopods and tripods are enough space on this page to teach there is not much you can do with it. one of the most essential things for a you that, so I’ll stick to trying to teach You can either switch it off, or set your pornographer. Lens, camera, photog- you to take bearable-to-decent photos camera to slow flash. This will make rapher, tripod. In that order. (face it, you’ll never be as good as me your camera take a photo where the Contrary to popular belief, a tripod is anyway). background is exposed correctly (i.e. much more important than a flash. As The biggest misconception about not pitch black), and use flash at the an example, it allows you to take mas- taking photos in low light is about the same time to light up the hot chick in terpieces such as the one on the right. use of a flash. You do not want to be the foreground. Any landscape work that you do after using it most of the time. First of all, Whether you want your flash off or dusk will require a tripod, I guaranee it will blind the pornstar, and second on will obviously depend on the situ- it. Obviously, it doesn’t make sense to of all, it will give your subject a deer- ation. If you are taking a photo of any- carry a tripod with you at all times (es- in-the-headlights look, I guarantee it. thing more than 3 metres away from pecially if you have a small point-and- Coitus beautifultalis am Londonis Eyus The first thing that one can do is turn you, flash is (mostly) useless. When- shoot), but a tripod doesn’t have to be the ISO up, but this can both help and ever you’re watching the best football a tripod to be a tripod, know what I’m make the photo worse. If it’s starting to team ever (Chelsea) playing, for exam- saying? Any substitute can be used, can control the exposure, don’t forget era when you press the shutter release. get dark and you cannot handhold to ple, you will see thousands of flashes from buildings to benches to my Fer- to underexpose by half a stop. And Now I am off for my lunch appoint- take a photo, you can bump the ISO up going off in the stands every second. rari. For those of you who have banged don’t forget to use a timer, as your fat ment with Ron Jeremy. I hope that to- a bit which will help with your shaky Do they honestly think that their puny enough pornstars to afford a DSLR and pudgy little fingers will shake the cam- day’s lesson will come in handy. Friday 9 November 2007 felix 21

Fashion Fashion Editor – Sarah Skeete [email protected] Make your own high fashion! COOL

Bumbags/Fannypacks

Super-Awesome Waist-Skirt This is really easy to make. Well unless you sew the seam on the wrong side of the skirt. Then you’ll have to spend half an hour unpicking stiches sewn in from the smallest stitch setting of the sewing machine. All you need is a sew- ing machine, jersey cotton fabric, matching thread, and waistband elastic.

1. Measure around your waist where you want your skirt to sit. Multiply this length by 1.7. This is the width of your Did you know that fanny fabric. Measure how long you want your skirt, then add on means bum in America? How 3 inches for the length of your fabric. confusing! That could get you into a bad situation if you’re 2. Mesure and cut your fabric into the desired into dirty talk. Although if you dimensions. refer to your hooha as a fanny in dirty talk context, you prob- 3. Fold your fabric in half, with the good sides facing ea- ably have other problems. chother. Sew along this to make a tube. Blackout 4. Fold up and sew the hem.

5. Fold down the top of the skirt, making a tube big enough to fit your waistband elastic. Sew along this, making sure the tube is still wide enough.

6. Cut your elastic to a bit smaller than the size of your waist.

7. Pin a safety pin on the end of the waistband elastic. In- sert the waistband through the hole you unpicked, using the safety pin to pull the fabric over the elastuc.

8. Sew together the ends of the elastic band. It’s the musical equivalent of an upper. Also, since you 9. Hand sew back up the hole where your inserted the can download music online, elastic. you don’t have to face the shame of handing the CD to a 10. Turn your skirt the right way out. Awesome! cashier at Virgin Megastores. I always find it random that record stores seem to have a policy of hiring radical looking people. I guess like people, corporations try to pretend exactly what they’re not. But remember, you can never plug the abyss in your dark soul. You also have to live with the knowledge that by buying this CD you will be funding Brit- ney’s Cheeto fund.

Pete Doherty’s Relapse Off the high street...

Tan Moccasin Boot, He was just starting to move past the pillsbury dough boy Dorothy Perkins, stage into looking like an ac- £35 tual human being.

Chunky Zig Zag Beret, LAME Miss Selfridge, Rudolph Socks, Topshop, £3 £12 22 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Food Food Editor – Oroma Oyewole [email protected] Rub a dub pub grub Fancy some goat? A normal place with excellent normal food: The Queen’s Arms David Stewart jerks off Caribbean style

Noel Forrest uppose you are a homosex- with an otherwise tasteless fruit, ac- ual gearing up for a night of kee - which comes in an intensely rich So, the authentic creative gastropubs mayhem on or around Old version here with the saltfish dutifully (whom I adore) are pushing up the Compton Street. Suppose soaked and cooked until falling apart, prices of the bad normal pubs because S further (which is even more as it should be. The goat curry is ex- people now think fish and chips is unlikely) that you are not a member ceptionally flavoursome too and the worth twenty quid, and the still-cheap of the white T-shirt brigade that sur- sauce was pleasantly soaked up by the chain pubs are pretending to be gas- vives on a diet of cocktails and the mi- ‘hard food’ accompaniment. But the tropubs by giving you a big plate. Fine. niscule piece of nutrition provided by real draw is of course the eponymous I don’t like it, but I get it. What’s the a sugar-coated ecstasy tab. You may jerk chicken which blackened to within implicit tragedy? – That there are no therefore wish to eat more than half a an inch of charcoal, comes doused in a normal pubs selling normal food of won-ton before precipitating yourself seriously hot and sour sauce which is gastropub quality at a reasonable price. in the crazy world of gay. Perhaps, for as good a decongestant as friar’s bal- Wrong! There is the Queen’s Arms in example, you are a ‘bear’. Then a cheap sam. It sounds horrible but it’s refresh- Queens Gate Mews, just a short walk and decent, filling meal on Dean Street ing and unspeakably tasty. If you fancy from campus! courtesy of Mr Jerk might be just the sampling the fare while passing, grab It’s a simple point I have to make thing for you. one of the saltfish dumplings for three about it: the food is completely stand- About six or seven years ago, by my pounds or so, sitting in the hot shelf by ard pub fare on paper (including such recollection, there was suddenly an the window. They’re sensational. menu staples as bangers and mash, epidemic of Caribbean takeaways; one A main meal is about £7 plus drinks. burgers, steak and chips), but is actu- appearing on every high street when ally executed to a very high standard… there were previously none. Most of Original Mr Jerk, 187 Wardour normal pub food at gastropub qual- these are (or were) crap- the cheap- Street, 02074377770 & Jerk City, ity! That’s pretty special if you ask me. est possible chunks of meat in insipid 189 Wardour Street 02072872878 Others seem to agree judging from sauces served on a mound of stodgy its popularity with a civilised crowd ‘rice&peas’ is the staple offering. Mr of students and Albert Hall goers, all Jerk, (which now has two branches: spilling out onto the beautiful cobbled The lovely Queens Arms Pub: doesn’t it look nice? ‘Original Mr Jerk’ and ‘Jerk City’) is the mews. single source of good Caribbean food We fought over our starter of bread- in the West End. Indeed, with the ex- ed calamari with sweet chilli and rock- it on a menu; and my craving was more boards. ception of the more upmarket opera- et (my mouth is watering right now than satisfied. A main meal is about £9-15 plus tions like the Mango Room and Cot- whilst thinking about it). The girl I So hurrah for the London Pub! Bring drinks. tons in Camden, it’s the only decent was with is greedy, so she had a steak. back porridge and kippers for break- venue in Zone 1. I stole some and it was richly bloody. fast, kedgeree for lunch and toad-in- The Queen’s Arms, 30 Queens Saltfish and Ackee is a traditional I was drunk so craved the macaroni the-hole for supper, I say. Then the Gate Mews, South Kensington, Carribean offering - fish is preseved cheese- plus I was just ecstatic to see only tragedy will be the lack of dart 02075817741 in salt then rehydrated and cooked Some Jerk Chicken mmmm Vegetarian phase over. Here’s a recipe for some good old red meat – Enjoy!

Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding of sugar snap peas, oil, salt and half the milk. Mix the liquid into Time-plan to eat at 8.00pm: (serves 5 – 6), by Sally Longstaff pepper. the flour until a smooth batter is formed. Use an electric whisk if 6:30 Peel and boil the pota- Method: necessary. Gradually beat in the toes and parsnips. Pre-heat the oven to 220/Gas Mark rest of the milk. Put a little oil in 6:40 Rinse and dry the meat. 7. Rinse the joint and pat dry. Sea- each of the holes in a twelve-hole Put the meat, potatoes son the joint and place in roasting bun tin. and parsnips in the pan. Put the tin into the oven for a few oven. Roast for one hour for rare meat minutes to heat the oil. Fill the bun (15 minutes plus 15 minutes per tin with the batter. Cook with the Now you can relax for a bit and 500g), or 1 hour 20 minutes for roast for 20 minutes, or until the lay the table, wash up, pour wine medium meat (20 minutes plus 20 puddings are golden. Alternatively (red wine is recommended, for minutes per 500g). For well-done use Aunty Bessie’s frozen puds, example, Shiraz). meat cook for 1 hour 40 minutes they are amazing – just pop them (25 minutes plus 25 minutes per on a baking tray in the foil dishes 7:30 Begin making Yorkshire 500g). For the rest of the timings for about 12-15 minutes. puddings and warm the below, I have assumed medium Top and tail the carrots (i.e. chop bun tin. cooking time of 1h 20 mins. off the top and bottom) and slice 7:40 Put the Yorkshire pud- Wash and peel the potatoes, thinly. Boil in water in a saucepan dings into the oven. whilst bringing a kettle of water to for 10-15 minutes or steam for 10- 7:45 Peel carrots and boil. the boil. Cut the potatoes into even- 15 minutes depending on how soft 7.55 Put sugar snap peas on sized pieces and boil in a saucepan you like them. Steam or boil the to boil/steam. for 5-10 minutes or until they lose sugar snap peas for 4-5 minutes. 8:00 Serve. a little of their hardness. Drain and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cook in the roasting pan with the meat Beefy goodness... Mmm for 1-1.5 hours depending on how crispy you like them. For the rest of Nothing can beat a nice Sunday wide world and will earn a ton of the timings below, I have assumed Roast, especially the traditional brownie points, or even your girl- medium cooking time. roast beef with Yorkshire puds. friend/girlfriend’s parents. Cut both ends of the parsnips and For those non-UK students out You’ll need: A roasting dish, peel. Slice in half, and cut into ba- there, this is a must – British saucepans (minimum of 2) and a tons of even size. Par-boil, as you cooking at its very best! jug. did with the potatoes (you can do Most people think that a roast them together to save on washing dinner is difficult to cook. Well, Ingredients: up!). Roast with the potatoes for it’s not actually that tough for 1.25kg joint of beef (back rib, top- the same amount of time. even the most culinary chal- side or silverside), 100g plain flour, For the Yorkshire puddings, sift lenged of you. This is a great way 1 egg beaten, 300ml milk, 200g po- the flour and salt into a mixing to impress your own parents with tatoes per person, 400g parsnips, bowl. Make a well in the centre of how you are coping with the big gravy granules, 400g carrots, pack the flour and pour in the egg and The joint before entering the oven Sugar snap peas and carrots Friday 9 November 2007 felix 23

Travel Travel Editors – Ahran Arnold and Nadine Richards [email protected] The Galapagos Islands Travels As if being the inspiration for Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution wasn’t enough, without these glorious, spectacular islands have even more to offer the intrepid traveller my aunt Ahran Arnold to Galápagos access by air. the finches and tortoises) that Darwin mal population of perhaps a thousand Travel Editor One of the particularly rave reviews realised differing environments were people at most, so we were surprised to we had came from a strange Canadian the cause; so we were missing out on find bustling town centres and a popu- Theo Georgiou-Delisle The Galápagos Islands, officially fellow who we met in our hostel. His the full Darwinian experience. lation of 30,000. The islands’ culture known as the “Archipiélago de Colón,” story is worth relating even though it It was still well worth going, though. was incredibly laid-back. Nowhere in he title of this article could are a cluster of volcanic islands distrib- has nothing to do with our jaunt to the The wildlife is, of course, amazing. South America do things run on time, be mistaken for a short uted around the equator about 1000km islands. The Canadian’s brother had Iridescent birds with names like the but this was especially true on these piece about the loss of a west of Ecuador. Rich in history, scen- been living in Quito for a number of Blue-footed Boobies were a highlight, islands. People were very friendly and favoured member of the ery, wildlife and culture, the ‘enchanted years and had managed to get a local but my favourite animals were the tor- there was great community spirit and T family and its inevitable islands’ are a popular tourist destina- girl, whom he had been briefly seeing, toises themselves. Prehistoric in ap- pride. psychological impact upon my travels tion and a must-see for any traveller to pregnant. Woe was him. He decided to pearance, these giant brutes were many There are, of course, downsides to along the silk route where, after much South America with a few days to spare. do the ‘honourable thing’ and marry times bigger than any tortoises I had having a human population on the is- contemplation, I found myself. Instead They are, perhaps, best known for two the girl. As the wedding approached ever previously seen. Quirks of nature lands- the environment and resources it is a hastily written ramble about jour- reasons. Firstly, the many endemic spe- his doubts intensified. Things reached such as a lagoon that turns pink for half are constantly under strain. The other neys that I could be bothered to make, cies, most notable of all- the Galápagos a head when the father of the bride the year were fascinating and another problem is the tourists- not all the to areas that are not in themselves spe- Tortoise. The second reason, related to told him he would have to provide not highlight of our trip was horseback rid- tourists, many of whom are very pleas- cial or interesting. Think of it, if you the first, is the role the islands’ wildlife only for the wife but also for the rest ing up to a recently erupted volcano’s ant. The problem lies with the hordes will, as the kind of long message you played in the development of Charles of the, extremely large, extended fam- crater. After the effort of getting our of American school kids infesting the would happen about on Facebook, dis- Darwin’s theory of evolution. ily! The day before the wedding, disil- horses to do anything at all we made hotels and generally causing all sorts miss immediately, and forget about. lusioned and anxious, he went out and steady progress upwards. Eventually, of consternation to the soundtrack of This week I would like to take you got ‘wasted’ on what sounded like an we stumbled onto a scene of rolling High School: The Musical. back in time. This is regrettably be- “He went epic bender in the streets of Ecuador’s mists that seemed to cascade into the We only spent five days on the islands yond my powers, so I will take you- if capital. In the process he was arrested but it was worth every penny and if you I may- to Chingford. Nestled between out and got and spent the night in a South Ameri- can stretch yourself to afford it, it’s an Epping Forest and areas without for- can jail (not a nice place to be, appar- “Iridescent birds unforgettable experience. There is a est, it is not easily accessible by tube ‘wasted’ on what ently). So the wedding was called off ‘student’ Galápagos near the south of but boasts higher than average levels for the time being. Instead of comfort- with names like Ecuador, which is cheaper. This island of chavs and squirrels- not necessarily sounded like ing his ill-fated brother or trying to has none of the history and culture in that order. sort the situation out, the groom-to- the Blue-footed of the real Galápagos and only some During the notorious “nuts riots” an epic bender be’s brother, whom we were speaking of the wildlife, but is an option of the of the late 1980’s, it rose to top of the to, decided to immediately rent a car Boobie were a traveller on a shoe-string budget. news agenda on BBC London North as in the streets and depart on a road trip around Ec- the deaths of over 230 common grey uador. It sounded like the setting to a highlight” squirrels and 47 chavs where recorded, of Ecuador’s bad American teen movie, but it was in when stores of acorns and shoddily fact the truth. Either way his insensi- crater like a waterfall of clouds. written magazines were mistakenly capital” tive decision benefited us as it inspired We already knew a little of the evolu- destroyed to make way for, what many us to make our own impromptu trip to tionary aspect of the islands’ historical said was a somewhat premature, Diana Strachan Mackenzie (also known as the Galápagos Islands. significance but we were also interest- memorial. ‘slow Strachan’ or the ‘lesser-spotted, There are two ways of experienc- ed to discover that a few of the larger It is not widely known that the former dim-witted Strachan’), whom you may ing the islands, and both involve boat islands had also been used as penal Conservative leader Iain Duncan Smith remember from the guinea pig article travel, but to varying degrees. It is pos- colonies for mainland criminals. The MP works tirelessly for Chingford- in- in this section two weeks ago, accom- sible (for an extra $1000) to sleep on a prisoners were, at one point, ordered deed it is more widely known and gen- panied me to these islands earlier this boat which travels between the islands to erect a huge wall, ironically, for the erally accepted that he does not. De- year. We had originally decided that a at night, but we opted for the more sole purpose of keeping themselves en- spite this, you will be pleased to know visit to the islands would be out of our modestly priced two-island tour which closed. Many died during the struggle that Chingford has recently undergone price range but changed our minds involves staying on the islands them- and the incomplete wall still stands on something of a renaissance. Street café when we heard the rave reviews of selves. This did mean we did not, real- the island of Isabella, as a testament to culture is now chic. On a summer’s returning travellers whilst staying in ly, get to see the full diversity of Galap- their efforts. day, many tattooed gentlemen and less Quito, Ecuador. The prices are main- gos wildlife. This was rather irritating One thing that particularly shocked gentle-women may be found sipping tained at a high level due to a monopo- since it was while observing differ- us was the sheer number of people on alcopops outside any number of bis- lising flight company, with sole rights ences in the various species (especially the islands. We had expected a mini- tros and bars. For example, the newly opened “BarBistro” caters for most of the needs of the local clientele. Bisecting Chingford runs the Green- wich Meridian Line, marked by a strik- ing granite obelisk. Unfortunately, due to general incompetence, the obelisk was positioned a depressing 5 metres away from the actual meridian and thus a slab of graffiti-covered concrete now informs local doggers of its exact position. If you want more proof of the signifi- cance of Chingford, simply haul your great heaving mass over to a library computer and look at David Beckham’s © page on Wikipedia and (if I have edit- ed Wikipedia in time) you will see that it was on the playing fields of Ridge- way Park in Chingford that he trained for many of his formative years. He was also educated at Chingford High School, but let’s not hold that against Chingford. “But what is at the heart of Ching- ford?” I hear you whine, “Why do you care about Chingford?” -others moan. The truth of the matter is that Ching- ford is not really an unintelligent rab- ble of humanity but more of an old friend, a friend who you suspect killed your cat when you were 8, but who you decide you go with a drink with none the less because you never really liked The Galapagos Tortoise: It looks like some thing prehistoric man would do battle with Finches: Darwin’s inspiration your cat anyway. 24 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Games Games Editors – Azfarul Islam and Sebastian Nordgren [email protected] This Week

Azfarul “Az” Islam The Battle of the Geeks The future of WoW? Can you end the façade? Run little Armadillo, run Games Editor thought we’d do nicely with a cool-down after last week’s review of a pretty high profile title. I “What?”, you ask. “You’re con- sidering the likes of the great Half-Life One-eighth the dosage 2: Episode Two, second son of Half-Life 2, the true descendant of Half-Life.... The Angry Geek does what he does best after getting run over by Episode Two unworthy?” Don’t get me wrong. Half-Life was an awesome game when it came out, as was the second iteration. However, it’ all too obvious that the whole epi- sodic content concept is leading to an increasingly shallower pool of quality. Valve messed around a little bit too much with their anticipated Episode Two and are now suffering burns from the acid tongue of the one and only Review Angry Geek. That’s an example of a rather large (and quite famous) development stu- dio messing up – poor form really. In that sense it’s quite harsh to launch he problem with celebrat- There are some nice moments in Epi- missile silo. choose all three of these and combine into tirades against games created by ed developers is that they sode Two, and I’m going to list them all Deep breaths. Calm blue ocean. Yes. them into one set-piece. It’s impres- smaller teams or even the solitary yet get fat. Fat and compla- for you, right now: finding the crowbar. Then we have the car section. sive. The idea of driving around in the passionate code monkey. The thing is, cent. They get so close The room with the larvae in. D0g’s re- Let me make one thing abundantly vehicular equivalent of those rubber these games – often no more than ex- T to their work that each appearance. That’s it. Episode Two has clear – I hate the car sections in Half- bouncy balls you buy in toy shops, fir- periments – are usually of higher qual- individual, minuscule change seems some fun moments in it, but that’s all I Life. The only things I hate more than ing pea-sized marbles at a ten-pixel- ity than those with literally million- to them to be a world-altering master- took away from it as worth mentioning car sections, are car sections with Alyx wide square that’s four hundred feet dollar budgets. That’s why it’s more piece. And this is where Valve manage to others. quipping alongside me. It handles ap- away, and having to do this whilst un- embarrassing for Episode Two since it to take a work of considerable merit – Whereas Episode One’s problem was pallingly, and the only way of getting it der heavy fire and within a time limit, faces off against a set of games that in- Half-Life 2 – and put it into a blender a combination of length and necessary unstuck is to use the gravity gun, which whilst the world’s most inefficient re- dividually rival the very tenets that the with a collection of the finest animal exposition, Episode Two’s problem is takes a year and a day. sistance fighters gawp at you, is just so series holds dear. excrement. Half-Life 2, Episode Two, is gameplay. The thing is broken, and it’s And everything just begins to break unappealing. I mean, how did this even We have a game that utilises an Ar- depressingly bad. broken very badly. Episode One was down then – there are resistance get as far as playtesting. Really. tificial Intelligence system that’s often You see, Episode Two had to do a lot alright for people like me – a fair deal corpses quite literally everywhere. I Naturally, it’s impossible to die be- eerie in the way it brings characters – it not only had to show that Valve of momentum once you’d left the Cita- saw more dead resistance members cause you’ve having medkits rammed to life. Their dialogue naturally adapts could still do what they were made fa- del, some nice urban bits, and a sense than I did Combine troops in Episode up your arse everywhere you go, but by to your responses and you may well mous for doing, but it had to work from of chase. Episode Two, by contrast, has Two, which makes me really begin to Christ the thing just never ends. Pick spend more than a few uncomfortable a lacklustre Episode One and build on no momentum whatsoever. question how effective these chaps are up ball. Put ball on car. Drive to Strider. moments wondering if you’re actually it to create something approaching And where Episode One cherryp- at fighting a rebellion. Not that it took Attempt to kill Hunters. Pick up ball playing alone. Half-Life 2 may have re- suspense for the grand finale of Epi- icked things that genuinely worked in long to find a solution, of course, as I only to find there’s one you’ve missed, alised Alyx through nuanced anima- sode Three. Half-Life 2 – things like actual co-op- stopped in at the Last Chance Garage or other hunters have appeared from tion, but for a Flash-based game to Yeah, right. eration with AI characters (c.f. running to get my car fixed up only to find my- elsewhere, or you’re not actually that evoke similar human emotions is quite through the station in the dark with self being thrown out onto another proficient at a skill you learned four astounding. Alyx) and the feeling of being in a real suicide mission while someone has sex minutes ago. Drive back to ridiculous In 2004, Valve awed the gaming com- rebellion (that is to say, NOT like the with Alyx for me. Yeah, cheers guys. I’ll buildings full of supplies. Repeat. munity by actually offering a physics ridiculously sparse Sand Trap chapter leave the six-man armed squad inside Jesus. Christ. This isn’t even ap- engine that was robust and actually in the original) – Episode Two seems to pimp my ride while I crawl through proaching epic. Even the ‘open’ envi- consequential to your gameplay expe- hell bent on choosing the very worst zombie parts to take out a platoon of ronment seemed horribly manufac- rience. The Gravity Gun has definitely things and cramming them together. Combine soldiers. Fantastic. tured to provide obstacles. It smacks of taken its place in the annals of gaming Firstly – no-one can make under- It just gets worse. D0g appears, only that ridiculous minigame in Final Fan- history alongisde the chainsaw and as- ground caverns interesting. They’re to do one cool thing and then fuck off tasy VII, but even Square didn’t have sault rifle. However, one game dares to squelchy tubes. Everything looks the into obscurity again, and then we go the gall to put it as part of the main try better. It involves a yellow little ar- same, and it’s dark. It’s the setting for into Very Boring Exposition. This has game. I mean, fuck me. Fourteen strid- madillo, lots of empty white space and the most boring of all game events, and become Valve’s trademark. I initially ers? Fourteen of the shits? Was that simply your imagination. Adhering to not even Valve could save it. The de- loved VBE, until they began using it really the number required to provide the laws of physics you need to help signers’ obvious fixation with the beau- all the sodding time. VBE is different enough of an experience? manipulate various objects to lead the tiful larva-catching moment ended up from normal exposition, because you And then to top it all off, we get the little critter to safety. The game plays forcing the player to drag through an tend to be locked in a room and unable most rushed plot twist I’ve ever seen, like the natural progression of the likes hour of mindless, samey crap, replete to escape from it. You can run away, involving a character I really could of “The Incredible Machine” – and we with the most backwards boss fight in of course – meaning you miss most of care less about. In fact, apart from D0g all know how prescient that game was. all of gaming. Not good. At all. what’s going on – and no-one gives a I don’t really care about any of them Despite being a very indie game, Ar- Then we emerge, having healed the toss. But you’re never allowed to, you any more. The minor humans are far madillo Run has rightfully been lath- useless woman that’s taken the place of know, just get on with things. more appealing to me, as are the Vorti- ered in universal plaudit. feisty, helpful, Episode One Alyx, into But that’s okay, because there’s a gaunts. And to me, that says that Valve Lastly, we see what can only be the Generic Forestland where the ‘sup- cracking finale set up. Oh boy. I can’t are beginning to falter. closest thing to pen-and-paper Dun- porting’ characters proceed to give wait. It’s gonna be great. Here we go. I think that’s enough. There are geons-and-Dragons; bloom lighting every inane task to Gordon. You can If you asked me to name the three graphical glitches, poor event trig- need not apply. With graphics easily have characters joke about repetitive honest-to-christ awful parts of Half- gers, level design slips here or there, surpassed by a 5-year old using MS- design precisely once, Valve. Doing it Life 2, the list would go like this: but nothing to top the massive, dick- Paint whilst trying to swat a fly on every time makes me want to punch 1. The car sections. shaped ideas that litter what should’ve the monitor with the mouse cursor, someone. And for god’s sake – the 2. The defence bit in Nova Prospekt been a new flavour of Half-Life. Epi- the Dwarf game (I refused to type the seesaw bridge? It’s not even a physics with the ridiculous guns. sode Three had better be fucking awe- whoe name again) will send RPG afi- puzzle – I knocked three cars off and 3. Any puzzle involving projectiles. some. But given there was no trailer at cionados into a Frenzy +2 while every- the thing didn’t move an inch. Then I Now, I don’t know if I’m entirely the end of this incarnation, I can only one else (about 99% of us) goes back to move the final car and I’m catapaulted alone in this, but even so I find it assume we’ll be waiting some time to running amuck in Oblivion. Heeeeere’s Genny! across the asphalt like a gnome from a hard to believe that Valve managed to find out. Friday 9 November 2007 felix 25 [email protected] Games What goes on between the sheets If bedroom coding is still alive, who’s doing it? We find some of the more popular breakout hits

hen Introversion who create. A few years ago, you were But also brilliant. That’s the thing We’re offering you three of our most a dream off the ground. said they were called an Independent Games Studio – crazy though these ideas may be, recent favourites this week, that cover Naturally, we’re not saying that your ‘The Last Of The if you hadn’t been bought out by EA crazy thought the concept of actually the more inventive spectrum of Indie idea for a sexual deviancy simulator Bedroom Coders’, yet. Nowadays, the term celebrates all playing a rhythm action game on your Gaming, using novel control tech- using the Wiimote is going to get you W I think they knew kinds of creativity and experimenta- girlfriend, instead of using it as a eu- niques, breakthrough technology, or very far. But with development kits like secretly all along that the opposite tion; like the peripheral designed to phemism, is, it’s very, very encouraging sheer attention to detail to bring an XNA making things easier, and com- was true. Instead of being the final help couples play together. Get this: to see. Because people out there are idea to life. Students are the main com- munities growing larger and larger, it last hurrah from a generation of con- boxer shorts and a bra with pressure- thinking, and the power of the inter- ponent of this market – both those really is just a question of getting in- certed programmers and independent sensitive pads and a projected Dance- net means that the good ideas float to playing, and those making – and it volved, and seeing what you can do. developers, they became the opening Dance Revolution game. The demo the top. As long as you stay away from doesn’t take more than a good idea, a Dance Dance Revolution. On a bra. act of a new performance from gamers videos were amusing, to say the least. Digg. good team, and some dedication to get Seriously, this shit’s ingenious.

Slaves to Armok: The God of Blood : Chapter Two – Dwarf Fortress

So... You’re having a laugh, right? environment. Seasons change, the world grows, and you wonder why you It might have the most offputting name ever liked World of Warcraft. in gaming history, but make no mis- take – Dwarf Fortress is the master of So when can I expect the XBox cult gaming. Bay 12 Games is about to 360 version, then? go full time developing the game, such is its fame, and the fanbase is hugely Obviously, its ASCII-stylings and RPG- dedicated and helpful. heavy gameplay, not to mention its fairly irritating control system, means Fanbase can go get stuffed. Why that Dwarf Fortress isn’t designed for will I want to play it? the mainstream. But there are a lot of people out there who have fallen in You might not. It’s easily the most love with it, and its simplicity in design complicated game we’ve ever played – gives it a great depth and longetivity in and we’ve played Republic – but if you playing. can get hooked on it, you’re unlikely The future of the project, discussed to turn back to lesser games for many on its official website, promises quests, years. nations, gods, armies, epic stories – You select, or have randomly gener- and all procesdurally generated and ated, a team of dwarves, and set about unique to you. carving your own piece of paradise out Spectral lighting and per-pixel shaders not yet implemented. of the hostile, procedurally-generated http://www.bay12games.com

Façade – A One Act Interactive Drama Armadillo Run is fun

‘Interactive Drama’? ingenuity and skill of today’s ‘bedroom questions, direct the conversation, and coders’. try to find out just what’s going wrong We realise this sounds like an uncom- You play yourself, more or less, vis- with them. Playing the game multiple fortable sex education lesson from Year iting two old friends of yours in their times really shows off its depth – you’ll Nine, but Facade is easily the most im- apartment – Grace and Trip. Only see conversation strands, the decisions pressive game we’ve played in the ages. Grace and Trip’s relationship seems you didn’t know were decisions, and The most impressive game, hands- a little shaky right now, and you get the many ways that the story can end. down, and the most promising. the uncomfortable feeling it’s about to blow up in your face. Can you save Is it going anywhere? Do I need to read The Guardian to their marriage? like it? Difficult to say. Game AI is extremely What if I don’t want to? hard to implement in such a way, and Facade isn’t some intellectual thought Facade is a long way from being per- experiment – it’s a gripping example Then don’t. The idea behind Facade is fect. But the potential... of what artificial intelligence means for that you use language to discuss with the future of gaming, and exhibits the the two characters – answer their http://interactivestory.net/ What the hell is that. The real-world physics supplies a new kind of challenge, just like it has done Armadillo Run represents one of the in the recent swathe of first-person recurring themes in indie games devel- shooters. Had this game been made a opment – craziness. And physics. One decade ago, you’d have a rough-and- armadillo, one infinite white expanse, ready gravitational force, and pretty one source of gravity, and the equiva- much only one way to solve a problem. lent of a box of meccano. Can you save With the new-fangled understanding, him? and some extra technology, you’ve got Or, more pressingly, how far can you a really open-ended puzzler, that al- ping him with just a piece of elastic and ways has a big grin on its face. a two-by-four? Is it going anywhere? It looks needlessly complicated. Oh good lord yes. The ingenuity and It’s actually quite tactile. The world has polish on the game has got it into the tiny holes in it that you can attach vari- Independent Games Festival, as well as ous things to, including metal sheets, reviews from Eurogamer, PC Gamer cloth, rope, girders – and then adjust and PC Format. properties like their elasticity or bind- It’s simplicity and good ideas, and ing strength. that’s been a standard for good games A few tweaks here or there, some since the eighties. Sometimes, we have cackling like a mad professor, and you’ll to accept that the teraflop just gets in have the armadillo safe and sound in our way. no time at all.

And this is fun? http://www.armadillorun.com 26 felix Friday 9 November 2007 Navratri: A Night of Enlightenment Hindu Society recently celebrated the festival of Navratri in the Great Hall. Sally Longstaff donned her saree and went along to find out more about modern Hindus and their spectacular ancient ceremonies

n 30th October, Hindu ends about the life of Lord Krishna. a statue of ShreeKrishna, clapping or Soc celebrated the fes- Painted earthen pots with water and a dancing around and around with the tival of Navratri with lamp inside symbolise the power of the sarees flowing around the room, like their annual Ujaali, goddess and are traditionally put in the beautiful butterflies. All the women O which means “enlight- home at this time. The word “Garba” looked fantastic, and I have never seen enment”. Navratri is a celebration in means “womb”, and the lamp in the pot such a whirl of colour and exotic fab- honour of the goddess, the mother of symbolically represents life within the rics! After this, we were welcomed by the world, which begins on the first day womb. The period is considered a fes- Ajay, who gave a short speech thank- of Ashvin and goes on for nine days, tive season, but also a time of renewal, ing the organisers and helpers and in- symbolising the triumph of good over of reawakening. Shrines are cleaned out troducing the events of the evening. A evil. During the nine days, feasting and and new ventures are started. There is film was then showed which described fasting take precedence over all nor- also a focus on education and learning the origins of Navratri followed by a both for Hindus and spreading aware- ness to others about Hinduism. “A festive season I was invited to Ujaali on behalf “It was a very of Felix by the Hindu Soc President, but also a time Ajay Gandhi. I was a little apprehen- spritual and sive because I didn’t really know what of renewal and to expect. However I decided, having special part of viewed the photos of last years spec- reawakening” tacular on Hindu Soc’s website, that the evening” I would have to get a saree. I found a mal daily activities amongst Hindus. beautiful red and blue one with fabu- dance performance of a specially cho- The nine days are divided and devoted lous stitching and sequins. At the Na- reographed piece. Afterwards every- to the Trinity of God worshipped in a vratri celebrations women wear tradi- one returned to the dancefloor for female form: Durga, Lakshmi and Sar- tional dresses such as sarees and choli more dancing of the Garba. aswati are worshipped as three differ- with lovely jewellery in amazingly di- The most spiritual part of the evening ent manifestations of Shakti, or cosmic verse and bright colours. was during the prayer or Aarti. A tra- energy. After being met by Ajay, the night ditional Hindu devotional song was Navratri is a festival of worship, began with Garba, which is a dance sung during the ritual and light from dance and music. The most charac- that originated in the Gujarat region, wicks soaked in ghee or camphor was teristic dances are the Dandiya Raas started by the women and joined in by offered to the deity. Aarti is performed and the Garba dances, the origins of the rest of the men. Garba is a circular and sung to develop the highest love which can be traced back to the leg- dance, which was performed around for God: “Aa” means “towards” and

Top: Meeting up with friends in the Great Hall; Above: Sally Longstaff, the Dance Performance, the girls and boys; Below: The Aarti Prayer around ShreeKrishna Friday 9 November 2007 felix 27

“rati” means “the highest love for God” music has a strong drum beat, which in Sanskrit. Aarti is also performed the dancers stamp their feet and beat to ward off evil effects and the influ- the sticks to. The music gradually gets ence of the “evil eye”. After the song, faster and faster, and the dance, more the plate that holds the candles is cir- and more complicated and energetic, culated to all present for the perform- and lasts for about an hour! How some ance of a purificatory blessing. In the dancers kept going was beyond me! low lighting of the Great Hall, candles Ajay Gandhi described the Garba as flickered on the trays and everyone “the most successful garba in our his- stood in a semi-circle around the stat- tory, breaking new ground by includ- ue of ShreeKrishna, singing the prayer. ing an educational video to rejuvenate a new generation of young Hindus with a beat of passion and whirlwind of col- “...a beat of our and music”. A raffle, in which the first prize was a cricket bat signed by passion and the 2007 Indian Cricket Team, raised over £1500 for two charities: CARE whirlwind of Education and Ekal Vidyala. I had an amazing night, totally different to any color and music” experience that I have had before. It was truly memorable! I wish to thank It was a very spiritual and special part Hindu Soc for inviting me and making of the evening. sure that I had a great time! After the Aarti was the perform- ing of the Dandyia Raas or the Sword Hindu Soc can be contacted Dance. This is the staging of a mock- through Ajay Gandhi: ag605@ fight between the Goddess and Mahi- ic.ac.uk and further information shasura, the mighty demon-king. The about the society can be found on colourfully decorated sticks or dandi- Hindu Soc’s website: www.union. yas, represent the sword of Durga. The ic.ac.uk/scc/hindu Dancing the Garba (above) and the Dandyia Raas (below). Detail of the ShreeKrishna statue (below left) 28 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Fun & Games [email protected] Wordoku 1,386 The Polygon of Erogenous Excitement U W Y A E B E A G Y ES E U Y W G T A F A S A K S A Y R F G U W S U G K W How to rate yourself: Last week’s solution: How to play: Under 20 words: You are so incredibly in- The two seven letter words were: Using the letters given, not more than Solution to 1,385 Wordoku is identical to sudoku; ept that I am surprised that the pressure of once, make as many words as possible. we’ve just replaced the numbers the aire itsel hasn’t caved in your skull. SPANDEX and EXPANDS They must be at least four or more let- C O H R K S A E T with letters. Once you’ve ters long and each word you come up with S R E T A H O K C completed the puzzle, there 21 - 35 words: If brains were boats you’d Congratulations if you got these. must include the central letter. Capitalised K T A E C O S H R is a hidden word or phrase to be a small dinghy. You aren’t the brightet words, conjugated verbs (past tense etc), A S T K O R E C H find. Email in your answers to crayon in the box now, are you? Other words included: adverbs ending in “-ly”, comparatives and . superlatives are disallowed. E C O S H T R A K [email protected] 36 - 49 words: Getting a little better, but ades, apes, apse, aspen, axes, deans, dens, An example of a word you most defi- R H K A E C T O S The winner of the Wordoku still approaching the vortex of stupidity. ends, napes, naps, neaps, pads, panes, nitely can’t create in this particular Poly- H E S C R A K T O 1,385 was Jason Klimach. pans, paxes, peans, peas, pends, pens, gon is “fluff”. Clearly, this is not possible O A R H T K C S E The hidden phrase was 50 or more words: You phonological sand, sane, sedan, send, spade, span, sped, because you are missing the letters 3 x “f”, T K C O S E H R A “SHORTCAKE”. freak! spend “l”, and “u”. H to the o, r, o, sizzle copes – it’s the Horoscopes

Aquarius Taurus Leo Scorpio

You were born na- So... I suffered three If you like a lot of You hear on the ked and screaming. defeats in a row on chocolate on your grapevine that the If everything goes to the fussball table biscuit, join our world’s first and plan, you’ll die that this week. How is Club! Treo, Treo... only cataclysm of way too. This will this acceptable? IT’S I want a Treo and Cadbury’s Fruit ‘n’ be after a horrific NOT. OK. SIMPLY I want one now! Nut bars is going to sexual encounter involving a shovel, KY jelly NO. Enemies: you will perish at my feet as well Washing machines live longer with Calgon! be coming to a toilet pan near you on Monday and some microbes. If you want to live, scrub as the eleven sets of plastic moulded blocks on Mysterious girl, move your body close to mine. the 33rd Monday of Tuesday in and around yourslf with bleach thoroughly each time you my glorious team. You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful... It’s true. I Decemuary. If this makes sense to you too and have sex, not forgetting the genital area. Use a ... saw your face in a crowded place, but I don’t isn’t just unfounded, libellous nonsense email wire brush to ensure full cleansing. Yes, pipe If Table Football Society are reading this and know what to do... because I’ll never be with [email protected] and we’ll be more cleaner will suffice you skin-flint. think they’re hard enough: BRING IT. you. than happy to take a statement and cup size.

Pisces Gemini Virgo Sagittarius

Some people are On Saturday This week you sit This week the blessed to be in con- you will feel the next to Rosie as she ghost of Thomas tact with their fairy uncontrollable urge lays out her page. Edison visits you godmothers. You, to go and spend It’s rather arousing in your sleep. He on the other hand money in a Burberry you think out loud tells you that he are good friends shop. Listen, you as you tell her about feels ashamed of the with the loser fairy. This week Uranus is being chav, Burberry is not cool. Everyone who writing the Virgo horoscope. She turns to you image that scientists possess these days. Back stimulated by the asteroid belt and so now wears Burberry should be shot and their and sort of grins slash appears completely in his day, he explains, scientists experimented would be a great time to get out of your bed- remains eviscerated and their heads put on and utterly horrified. The horoscope becomes with all sorts of implements but now we’re room into the light and to get a life. Perhaps spikes outside outlets of this complete and horribly self referential, a term accused of just restricted to test tube and boiling tubes, if even make a friend. Or maybe get acquainted utter shite. Mulberry on the other hand. Now being previously overused. Nevertheless, you your passage can take it. Whatever happened with a hedgehog or stoat. there’s a brand soldier on like the warrior you are. to conical flasks?

Aries Cancer Libra Capricorn

If you don’t clean Basically you’re go- Tarmac is my fa- This week you wake your room by ing to die. It might vourite type of road. up with a distinct Monday evening, be today, it might be It looks especially Suffolk accent. You that mould on that tomorrow, it might attractive with that begin to omit your bowl of cereal will be the next day. You thick white paint “t”s frequently and let off its spores and don’t know, but I do! they use to draw the you have a generally kill you. If you do, hedgehogs will eat your py- It’s written in the stars. For £100 I can tell you road lines. I just want to bend down and begin eardrum piercing voice. A barman doesn’t take jamas on Tuesday and your fingers with grow when you will die. Leave your cheques in the peeling it off. I reckon there will be this really kindly to your request for a glass of “war-er” long blond hair. So it’s up to you really, death Felix office and I will get back to you. I accept sort of stark black colour, like when you get and you’re thrown out of the establishment. or blond hair... Tricky. no responsability, if you do in fact, die. tan marks after wearing a watch on holiday. 3/10 horoscope, must try harder. Friday 9 November 2007 felix 29 [email protected] Fun & Games

Answer for Slitherlink 6 Slitherlink 1,386 2 2 Slitherlink 7 – Hard 2 3222 121 13 Squares are not allowed either. There are 22 32 3 never cells containing the number 4 in 2 2 3 23022Slitherlink. So, where do you start? The most com- 31330 mon place to start on a Slitherlink grid is by 2 22 2222 2 drawing crosses around any zeros. Drawing 1 2 crosses is purely done to so that you know 32 121 where there can’t possibly be a line. So, take 223 22 the pattern below as an example. Begin by 2 3 3 222 3 drawing crosses, then by filling in some 212221lines: 1 222 2 2 How to play: x Crudely speaking, Slitherlink is simi- x 0 x 3 2 3 22 3 lar to Minesweeper mixed with a dash of x Sudoku. The object of the game is to draw lines be- 1 1 1 tween the dots to create one long, and most importantly, looping line. It should have no start or finish; just like an elastic band. Now the lines can only continue in the fol- 33 0 3 Each number indicates how many lines lowing directions: should be drawn around it, for example: 1 0 3 1 3 3 x x 0 x 3 2 2 22 3 1 2 x Cells which don’t contain a number can be surrounded by any number of lines. Remember, the line must form a loop, so 2 3 222 the line cannot branch. The following situa- Ha, ha! We’ve sprung another gigantic 10x10 tions are not allowed: on you this week. Enjoy and keep linking! Logic Puzzle: Bar Sharking in the Union

Using the clues and logical deduction Ensure that you read the clues care- 1. Matthew pulled Jane. The guy who 4. The guy who ended up in a new re- 6. The guy who pulled Marcia ended alone, work out how all the people fully. They can sometimes reveal mul- wooed Jessica didn’t vomit copiously. lationship had been drinking gin and up staying at hers and doing the walk involved in the match relate to each tiple hints! Remember that elimination never drank again! of shame in the morning. other. The puzzle can be solved with- of alternatives is a key method. That 2. The guy who kissed Louise was out guesswork. Make use of the grid to is where the grid is so important - it drinking ale. 5. Adam didn’t drink cider; the person 7. Tom (who didn’t stay with Marcia) mark the combinations that you know. allows you to see the possibilities left who drank cider ended up alone, mas- was drinking snakebite and got through with ease. 3. Chris ended up in a threesome later turbating furiously. seven pints before pulling his girl. Read through each clue and make any (lucky boy). obvious or stated deductions. Find the Last week five boys pulled five girls in corresponding row and column on the the Union (yes there were a whole five grid and place a tick for ‘Yes’ in the box, girls in the Union!). Which guy pulled and a cross for ‘No’ in the cells next to which girl, what did he drink and what this one vertically and horizontally. was the result of the evening? (Any similarities to persons living or dead is purely coincidential!) JANE MARCIA LOUISE SARAH ALE BEER GIN AND TONIC CIDER THREESOME NEW RELATIONSHIP HERS AT STAYED VOMITED COPIOUSLY JESSICA SNAKEBITE LONE MASTURBATION 07980 ADAM MATTHEW TOM 148 JOHN CHRIS

LONE MASTURBATION 785 THREESOME NEW RELATIONSHIP Seen a girl you like and can’t think how to approach STAYED AT HERS her? Need to tell someone a painful truth but can’t VOMITED COPIOUSLY say it face-to- face? SNAKEBITE ALE Last Week’s Solution: Felix Catfone is here for you! Text the Felix BEER Luke Fly Half Man of the Match Very Long Arms Catfone for free* and we’ll publish them! Anjit No.8 Sin Binned Tall and Freckled GIN AND TONIC Owen Flanker Ball to Balls Short and Plump *if you have a contract phone. Technically, this might not be true. Basically, Jov Hooker Scared Opposition Squidgy the Catfone is just a regular mobile on the Orange network CIDER Joe Prop Scored Try Odd Sized Feet 30 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Sport [email protected] Mountaineers summer tour to Mallorca Alexander Borresen reports on blue skies, beautiful seas and a bit of climbing here and there

ith the start was uncharacteristically good for an proper deep-water soloing, so we of a new ICMC trip. headed out to Port de Soller - an year loom- The days that followed saw some hour away on small, winding roads. ing omi- excellent climbing being done at Sa On arrival, we discovered that the W nously on Gubia and other crags around Vall- crag was quite a way away, with a the horizon, 15 rock climbers got to- demossa. Sa Gubia saw some first-time good 200 metre swim in choppy gether to tackle the mountains and multi-pitching for some members, but seas. While some doubted their brave the elements of... Mallorca. will perhaps be remembered most for swimming ability and stayed be- So, not really an extreme outdoor ad- an absolutely terrifying fall by Alex hind, 7 intrepid climbers swam out. venture then, but definitely the sort off an excellent 6a+. A foot popping Towards the tail-end of the cross- of kick-off that every academic year while clipping a distant bolt from an ing, with the cliff looming mere me- should have with sun, sea and rock to awkward position lead to a 20-foot fall, tres away, Katie screamed bloody keep us entertained. As we stepped off which ended up about 10 feet from the murder and all eyes swept the seas the plane on foreign soil, new presi- ground - and he was still back on the for dorsal fins. dent Alex warned us that we would route right afterwards. Most amusing, In the rescue attempt that fol- have 3 “Golf-size” cars of an unknown however, was an epic descent from a lowed, all 7 people in the sea man- make and model between the lot of us, 4-pitch climb by Virgil, Hal and Joe, aged to get stung by the school of which sent shivers down the spines of who (in an effort to reduce the descent jellyfish that had floated into the the more experienced members of the time from a predicted 90 minutes) ab- bay. After quite a bit of difficulty club. Since everyone was expecting seiled off an overhanging face onto a getting back to civilisation, Katie’s to be packed like sardines into tiny rusty anchor and then proceeded to get painful sting was neutralized by a cars, everyone let out a collective lost for the next four hours, arriving at lifeguard and we abandoned our ef- sigh of relief when were shown to the car-park well after dark. forts at soloing for the day. Five of our shiny new-model Meganes. By the time we had our first rest day, us did make a trip out to do some The relief turned into joy when we everyone had been on a lead rope and deep water solo a few days later, this finally stumbled upon our villa in Vall- confidence was rising. The rest day saw time without hordes of tentacled demossa, a beautiful 7-room behemoth most of the club get a taste for some beasts to stop us. of a house, complete with swimming deep-water soloing on some of the ex- As the trip neared its end, Katie pool, 3 patios and a grill. After a frantic cellent crozzly (it’s hard to describe, had to say goodbye a few days early game of 15-player bed shotgun, every- but you’d know it if you saw it) rock to start uni (it’s a hard knock life for one settled down for the first night of in the bay. With such an excellent se- medics), leaving the rest of us to the holiday. lection of crags around, the days that enjoy one day each of climbing and In the morning, we were greeted by a followed saw some splitting up of the rest. On the rest day, one car of peo- stunning view of the Valldemossa val- group, with some climbers preferring ple went out to Magalluf (a place ley, and over a relaxed lunch picked the multi-pitch routes of Sa Gubia to that can only be described as Chav our first climbing destination of the the 0-second walk-in of the Roadside Vegas) and had a jolly good time at trip - a light warm-up at the nearby Crag. Both ended up being firm fa- BCM, the biggest club in Mallorca. crag of S’estret. As the sun rose and vourites of the trip - with special men- Well, jolly good until Seb lost his temperatures soared, the initial wave tion going to the 6c+ roof at the road- passport in a drunken haze, leading of energetic climbing died off, but side crag that went up in an alcove and to an international, multi-day slog not before Virgil and Hal ticked then straight over the road, mere feet to get back to England. But, with the off a 6c on a brilliant limestone above the passing cars. trip having been such a success oth- overhang. Another excellent destination was erwise, it was hard to feel demoral- Eventually, we found our- Cala Magraner, which, despite its dis- ised by one person’s plight, and all selves back at the villa making tant location, combined perfectly the looked back on a fun-filled yet re- dinner at a very traditionally things we came for - sand, sea, sun and laxed two weeks of climbing bliss, Spanish time, with the bar- rock. It was on this day that Virgil at- completely unlike England. No, in becue fired up only around tacked his first 7a of the trip, a short, Mallorca there were no decades-old 9 in the evening - a time we technical route on tiny holds, which Union minibuses, no gentle pat- would stick to throughout yielded a clean lead at the very end of tering of freezing rain and not half the week and a half. Thanks the day. as much gloomy darkness as back to the excellent efforts of With over a week gone already, most home in England. medic Ollie at the hobs, the of the team felt it was time to try some food throughout the holiday Friday 9 November 2007 felix 31 [email protected] Sport Gore-Tex trans-alpine 2007, one hell of a race!

Neil Dowse of our nightly pasta parties – unlimited continued to gain places as we worked pasta for racers, provided by the village our way up the major climb of the day I hadn’t heard of the Gore-tex Trans- at the end of each stage, was a welcome towards the second checkpoint. By this Alpine run until a chance discovery end to each day’s exertions and fantas- time I was genuinely struggling and the on the Internet. This 8-stage foot race tic preparation for the following day. final 7 km of the day were very difficult across four countries in the European The following morning we awoke indeed. The fears of non-completion Alps looked set to be a fantastic excuse nervously to heavy rain and poked our were foremost in my mind and moti- for another summer holiday. The race way through the continental breakfast vation seemed hard to come by. The itself covered 240km in its eight-day whilst wondering where our bacon and sight of the finish that day was most route across Germany, Austria, Swit- eggs were and contemplating the day welcomed and we struggled home, ec- zerland and Italy. The longest day was ahead. In next to no time we were all static that we had completed Day One a full marathon with the added bonus kitted out and nervously waiting in the and for a while thought nothing of the of 1844m of ascent (more than you start box. We had cheekily taken our days to come. Our position of 33rd of would do if you climbed the highest position right at the front of the pack 43 pairs in the men category after this mountain in the UK from sea level). – the youngest team in the competi- tough day buoyed our spirits slightly Luckily I had sufficient youthful over- tion and visually the most eager. The as it seemed others had also found the confidence and an enthusiastic run- announcer gradually raised the tempo route difficult. We awoke on the second ning partner (Joseph Johnstone). We until we were all ready to go. The sound day aching and apprehensive of the day had soon entered with little thought of ‘Highway to Hell’ blared from the PA ahead: 29.73 kilometres with 1947 me- for the consequences and settled down system as the countdown ticked. The ters climb and 1785 meters decent. The to get some training in. starter’s pistol sounded and the race be- day began with a 6km slog up a gently Some guy running on snow, mental! How is he not cold? Six months later, with the magnitude gan. The start was ‘neutralised’ mean- inclined track to an Alpine hut, a sec- of the race finally dawning on us we ing we were to follow motorbikes until tion on which we held our own but had boarded our flight to get to the race. we left the village; the pavements were to work very hard. This was followed turn back towards the activities we pushing ourselves to the limit as we Gradually over the last few months, lined with people for the first kilome- by a long high level traverse on tricky were more accustomed too as heavy were aware the team we needed to beat our dreams of victory faded as train- tre. I was surrounded by international scree before a final, unexpected climb snowfall transformed the higher sec- were still ahead of us. Our motivation ing had floundered amidst exams and endurance athletes, each excelling in and a long gentle descent. tions of the stage. The cold weather, temporarily lapsed as we approached other holidays. We were now slightly the field and I was struggling to keep On the morning of the third day heavy winds and falling snow seemed the top of the final climb of the day, concerned that we wouldn’t be able to up. There was no danger of overtaking we rose again, my body finally begin- more reminiscent of Scotland than aware that we had still not overtaken finish the race. Making it to the end the leading motorbikes. ning to feel like it was recovering from a summer in the Alps – something the pair in front and also aware that we was our only concern. The first ten kilometres of this first that misguided first 10km and ready our competitors did not seem happy normally lost ground on the downhills. Our arrival at the event was greeted day were easily the hardest section of to begin pushing itself again. The day about. Despite a slip on icy rocks and a Still, pushing ourselves ever onwards with an array of sponsor’s adverts, the entire race for me. I am not a road ahead looked like it would be a good slight sprained ankle, we were now in a we overtook just after the highest point tents and marquees as well as many runner and these first ten kilometres one for us as it included two massive rhythm and achieved a finish position and worked hard all the way down the pairs sporting the logos of their own was largely flat and on a road-like sur- ascents with a total of 2437m of steep of 25th for this day. hill, pushing ourselves harder than ever personal sponsors. We felt somewhat face. As a result and due to the excite- climb. Our background as moun- We were now halfway through the before as we knew the end was close. out of place with no sponsor and no ment of the race we failed to pace our- taineers meant that we were strong race with an overall position which Approaching the finish we knew we expensive gear. Still, without allowing selves and this left me struggling for on the uphills and this was where we had risen slowly to 23rd. The following were ahead but not how much and so our competitors to smell our fear, we much of the rest of the day. However, gained most of our advantage – we day was the shortest stage at 6.19km a tense 9 minutes ensued. Before we registered and settled down to the first we did make good time initially and were ready for them today. The first and 936m of ascent and no descent. knew it, we had done it- we had fin- climb went very well and we were in We were hoping that this would be our ished in the top twenty. Our ideas of a good position as we came over the day to get a good position. We weren’t victory all those months ago had now first col, particularly as the upper sec- wrong as falling snow and a lot of hard been replaced by a lesser achievement tion was ‘technical ground’, something work left us finishing in just over one that still left us feeling fantastic. We with which we are very familiar. The hour with a team position of 18th. Our headed directly for the free beer tent descent from this point was most en- top 20 target was beginning to come and made ourselves at home. We had joyable and we were soon working our into sight. finished the competition the youngest way up the second climb, exhaustion The following two days saw us com- team to enter and finish and also the beginning to seep quietly into our mus- plete more than 70km and nearly highest ranking British team in the cles. Knowing we were on par with the 3000m of ascent over more mountain- men’s category. We can’t wait to go fast runners pushed us up and over to ous tracks and ever more snow includ- back next year. the long and gentle descent all the way ing the highest point on the entire race to the valley floor and the finish. Our at just over 3000m. Finishes of 23rd Both Joe and I are active tired contentedness at completing the and 20th left us in an overall posi- members of the Outdoor Club day as planned was rewarded hand- tion of 21st with one day to go and a and if you are interested in somely with a 22nd place finish for the mere nine minutes behind the pair in entering events like this either in day – something we would never have 20th. Our aim was clear and the final the UK or abroad we would love dreamed off just three days previous. 28.62 kilometres would be the stage to meet you! E-mail outdoor@ Our targets for the race began to rise that mattered most, we had to win by ic.ac.uk for more details or come again as we contemplated the possibil- a clear 9 minutes. to one of our meetings which are ity of a top twenty finish. The day began well and we reached held every Tuesday at 12.30 in The finish line, what a relief! The fourth day saw the race take a the first checkpoint in good time, dB’s. Lacrosse club on winning form

well-known fact that several players of keeper Anna displayed some fantastic Lacrosse the opposition were American; trained skill and held off most of the shots that in the States to a level that would give the opposition were blasting at her. Imperial Women’s 1st 7 England lacrosse players a run for their However, by half-time Holloway had Royal Holloway 1st 5 lacrosse balls.) started to fight back and brought the Captaining the opposition was, nat- score back to 3-3. Shit. urally, one such American and as she The third quarter saw Holloway confidently marched over towards me continue to take advantage of our mo- Lacrosse for the toss, she towered like Goliath mentary lapse in concentration and would have over David. Well, not quite- brought the score to 5-4 (Holloway in Imperial Mixed 1st 23 but hopefully you’re getting the idea the lead). Having frustratingly lost our Royal Holloway Mixed 2nd 0 that Holloway were a fearsome opposi- last two matches, the IC ladies weren’t tion; and we the lowly underdogs. going to let their brilliant skills and In Lacrosse, matches are divided team-work get trampled over again. Olivia Raglan up into four fifteen-minute quar- We fought back and the game saw Lacrosse ladies team posing after a well earned victory ters, swapping ends at half-time (i.e. some phenomenal shooting by Izzie Having been placed at the bottom of a match lasts one hour, with three Brown and Sabina Barbur in attack the esteemed Felix sports team rank- breaks in play.) The first quarter went to bring the final score to an Imperial or at least until we face them again who remain undefeated this season ings, it was time to fight back. A slight- well for the IC team, we executed some win, 7-5. A far over-due credit to the at home in Harlington on December as they continue to defend their ULU ly nervous 15 player squad walked great plays down the field and our ef- determination of our girls. 5th… Champion title from last year, winning out onto the Royal Holloway Sports forts were justly rewarded with a 3 goal The dismayed expression on the Hol- And to continue with the success of their last match on Sunday 4th No- Grounds in Egham on Wednesday 31st advantage. loway faces as we left victorious will be the Imperial Lacrosse Club this week: a vember with a storming score of 23-0 October. (I say nervous because of the Our relatively inexperienced goal- remembered for many weeks to come, big congratulations to the Mixed team against Royal Holloway. 32 felix Friday 9 November 2007

Sport [email protected] Imperial rowers annihilate University of London

Iain Palmer boats and a second women’s quad also Crucially, every Imperial College boat had excellent races, finishing high. All beat its equivalent University of Lon- For the senior squad, the first month’s IC crews overtook those ahead of them don boat, comprehensively. While UL training of the year culminated last and, according to Tom Sutherland has had pretensions in the past as be- weekend in ‘Fours Head’, the third-big- (mid-race to Cambridge Uni Light- ing the best student boat-club on the gest race of the year, on the Thames be- weights), “if you’re that slow, you don’t Thames, IC has been able to shatter tween Chiswick and Putney. The event deserve the racing line!” their illusions in the same year as Im- had a total of more than 500 boats rac- In his pre-race speech, head coach perial declared its independence from ing, with Imperial entering eight boats. Simon Cox emphasised the need to UL. In the words of Ole Tietz, club Of these, the top boat (a senior 1 quad) better University of London Boat Club captain and stroke of the top IC four, won its event in style, finishing 6th in the final results, stating (with tongue “It’s important that these people know overall among world-class opposition. firmly in cheek), “if they die, they die.” we are not f***ing around!” Subsequently mentioned strokeman Adam Freeman-Pask found it “difficult Event Position to keep it long and hard for the whole 19 minutes, and the last few strokes re- IC I Men’s senior 1 quads 1st ally finished me off.” IC II Men’s senior 2 quads 11th The top women’s quad placed fourth IC III (Overall position) 164th out of 39 in their highly competitive IC IV Men’s senior 2 coxed fours 2nd IC V Men’s senior 3 (academic) coxed fours 2nd event, whilst the 1st and 2nd men’s Men’s senior 3 (academic) coxed fours 12th coxed fours both came close seconds IC VI IC VII Women’s senior 2 quads 4th in their events, putting all 3 boats in a IC VIII Women’s senior 2 quads 28th good position to move on from during IC Medics I Men’s senior 3 (academic) coxed fours 30th the rest of the term. Three other men’s Rugby and togas, nice combination Meanwhile: the social side...

When it comes to rowing, most people Toga Party’ happily coincided with seem to believe that partaking in such England’s Rugby World Cup victory a sport involves waking well before the over France, thus setting up the night rising of the sun, training several times perfectly for the many who were in at- a day and relinquishing any form of a tendance. The combination of sport- social life. However, this is simply un- ing victory, togas and unlimited booze true. Mostly. made for an (if you will forgive the Imperial College Boat Club has spent mild hyperbole) epic party, the events the past month slowly lulling its new of which will not be printed on the re- members into a false sense of security spectable pages of Felix. It is safe to say by organising vaguely ‘rowing-themed’ however, for those who had to train at parties and supplying a multitude of 7am, the following morning was suit- alcoholic beverages. The season kicked ably painful. off in the first week with a fresher’s To finish off the ‘Fresher’s Month’, taster session, involving a short row a ‘Splash, Dash and, er….Get Lashed’ from IC’s Putney boathouse, followed event was held on the last Sunday of by beers and a barbeque on the club’s October, with the magical combina- balcony overlooking the Thames. The tion of fancy dress, rowing on the evening was completed with a recruit- Thames and beers (not necessarily in ment push to South Kensington’s fin- that order). The day gave a first taste est drinking establishment: IC Union. of racing to our new freshers, most of Social Secretary Adam Freeman-Pask whom have not rowed before coming took the lead with his ‘active recruit- to Imperial. This leads me briefly to ment’ techniques, which involved en- the training; since around two-thirds couraging willing victims to consume of our new members have never rowed from a ‘3 and a half pint’ oar. before, there is a steep learning curve Women’s quad ICVII The Boatclub ‘All-You-Can-Drink in the coming months.

Fixtures and Results in association with Sports Partnership

Saturday 3rd November Lacrosse - ULU Football ICU Mixed 1st 23 ICU Men’s 1st 4 Netball LSE Women’s 1st 3 Football – ULU Royal Holloway Mixed 2nd 0 London South Bank Men’s 1st 0 Uni. of Bedfordshire (Luton) 1st 32 ICU Women’s 1st 1 Royal Holloway Men’s 2nd 3 ICU 1st 67 ICU Men’s 1st 1 King’s College Men’s 1st 4 Table Tennis Monday 5th November ICU Men’s 2nd 0 London Metropolitan 1st 45 ICU Men’s 1st 6 LSE Men’s 2nd 0 ICU 2nd 27 London Metropolitan Men’s 1st 11 ICU Men’s 2nd 1 Netball – ULU Buckinghamshire Chilterns UC Men’s 3rd 1 Royal Holloway 2nd 26 ICU Men’s 3rd 1 Rugby Union ICU Women’s 1st 1 Queen Mary Men’s 1st 2 ICU 1st 39 ICU Men’s 1st 26 Middlesex Women’s 1st 4 ICU Men’s 3rd 0 RUMS Women’s 1st 0 RUMS Men’s 1st 5 ICU Women’s 1st 1 Tennis King’s College Men’s 3rd N/A Wednesday 7th November ICU Men’s 3rd 7 ICU Men’s 1st 8 ICU Men’s 4th N/A Hockey King’s Medicals Men’s 2nd 29 University of Brighton Men’s 1st 2 Badminton ICU Men’s 1st 2 UCL Men’s 5th 2 University of Hertfordshire Men’s 1st 5 Imperial Medicals Men’s 1st 0 Uni. of Creative Arts Men’s SESSA XV 17 ICU Men’s 2nd 6 ICU Men’s 5th 0 ICU Men’s 1st 3 ICU Men’s SESSA XV 47 Royal Holloway Men’s 1st 4 ICU Men’s 2nd 0 King’s Medical’s Men’s 4th 1 ICU Men’s 2nd 6 University of Greenwhich Men’s 2nd 1 St George’s Medicals Women’s 1st (ULU) 5 LSE Women’s 1st 0 ICU Men’s 6th 6 Reading Men’s 1st 2 ICU Women’s 1st (ULU) 52 ICU Women’s 1st 10 ICU Men’s 3rd 0 ICU Men’s 7th N/A Basketball University of Hertfordshire Men’s 2nd 4 Squash Volleyball Queen Mary Men’s 4th N/A ICU Men’s 1st Re-arranged LSE Men’s 1st 0 ULU Women’s 2nd Re-arranged Buckinghamshire Chilterns UC Men’s 1st X ICU Men’s 4th 0 ICU Men’s 1st 5 ICU Women’s 1st Re-arranged Brunel Men’s 3rd 4 Sunday 4th November Fencing UCL Men’s 1st 1 Saturday 10th November ICU Men’s 1st 131 Sussex Women’s 1st 4 ICU Men’s 2nd 4 Football – ULU Surrey Men’s 1st 91 ICU Women’s 1st 4 Football – ULU ICU Women’s 1st 1 ICU Men’s 3rd CANCELLED ICU Men’s 2nd v ICU Men’s 1st Queen Mary Women’s 1st 6 ICU Men’s 2nd 135 Imperial Medicals Women’s 2nd 5 Essex Men’s 3rd CANCELLED Royal Holloway Men’s 1st 68 ICU Women’s 2nd 2 Friday 9 November 2007 felix 33 [email protected] Sport Footballers play friendly before facing QM

of the women’s team then proceeded noticeably by shooting straight at the Football towards the goal of the opposition. girl defenders. Kate suffered from such The men scored a disallowed goal a blow from Mike Allen, taking a full Imperial Men’s 5th 2 which was immediately judged offside powered shot on her arm. Being a war- Queen Mary’s Men’s 3rd 1 by the fair Squashy, despite many of rior, she did not flinch despite the pain them gesticulating at the decision and and continued defending, although on the verge of tears. The men, trying she did show us later her really red, their hardest to leave the game with wounded skin. The last attempt by Football their pride intact, proceeded to shoot the boys was a shot just metres from at the goal from all directions and to- the goal which hit the crossbar in true Imperial Women’s 1st 0 wards all directions, leaving the goal Akinbiyi style. At this point, Queen Queen Mary’s Women’s 1st 1 mostly untouched. Several clearances Mary’s finally appeared and the game from Emma, Cheryl and Kate did the had to be stopped. The final score trick, although Emily was able to show therefore remained 1-1, with the men Chloe Joyeux off her skills with a few saves. The boys feeling gutted at having missed their struggled with their two-touch rule, chance to shine. On a bright and clear Halloween day, being unable to play as a team, enabling The men, however, made up by beat- the IC Football Women 1st XI and Pav, Mona and Steph to take advantage ing Queen Mary’s 2-1. The women Football Men 5th XI arrived at Har- of their bad passes. Gui tried to keep had less luck and conceded a goal in lington, each ready to kick-ass against the team together by screaming at each the first half, minutes from half-time. respective Queen Mary’s sides. The lat- player on his team what they were do- Despite the shortened halves, or per- ter however, in accordance with their ing...maybe his way of asking for the haps because of the lack of time, they reputation, were awfully late. The 5th ball. Many others were shouting, al- were unable to come back and equal- XI, being bored, challenged the 1st XI though it was difficult to decipher ise. Queen Mary’s did not lack big girls to a pre-match game. Despite not wish- what they were trying to say. and from this point of view, were at an ing to embarrass the men, the women Finally Skeen was able to score, but advantage over the IC women, who reluctantly agreed to their pleas. only by taking his shirt off. The wom- always seem smaller than their op- With Squashy as the ref, the game en, in disgust at the man-breasts, had ponents, (maybe because of Yoke and started. It was agreed that the men to avert their eyes, giving Skeen a clear Mona?). Despite lacking in this area, would only be allowed to play two- path to the goal and bringing the score however, they defended well. Emily in touch football in order to practice their to 1-0 after the first few minutes. How- goal saved a few, although most shots appalling passing. Being extremely sure ever the score did not stay put very went wide or came slowly at her. They of themselves, they decided to not have long. After a foul from Tariq, a penalty will, therefore, be looking forward to a goalie and have an all-attacker for- was generously awarded to the girls. Sunday, when they are to face Queen mation. Of course, the women fought Louise took advantage of it and shot. Mary’s once again. Steph, who had bravely, with Yoke performing a clean Skeen, now in goal, did not even have some beef with their number 10, 7, and tackle on Tariq, who as a result took a time to save the penalty and collapsed 9, will especially be happy to renew ridiculous dive, not knowing what had like Mr. Potato Head on the treadmill. her connections with these beasts and happened to him. The shortest player More efforts were made by the men, show them what she’s made of. The football team competing for a high ball The importance of Rugby 1st go top of the table

tatters, decided to up the pace and to- South East 1A diet and exercise Rugby wards the end of the first half managed to set up a rolling maul from a line-out, P W D L F A Diff Pts Imperial Men’s 1st XV 26 which Alex Johnstone manoeuvred 1 Imperial 5 4 0 1 100 42 58 12 Linda Hagg diluted with large amounts of water in RUMS 1st XV 5 over the try line for Imperial second 2 RUMS 5 4 0 1 107 85 22 12 order to be excreted through the urine. try. 3 GKT 5 2 0 3 123 122 1 6 A healthy balanced diet will provide The urinary excretion causes an in- This spur in confidence let the 4 Brunel 4 2 0 2 84 79 5 6 your muscles with the energy that is crease in water loss and increases the Jovan Nedić front row believe that they were wing- needed in order to perform well. A chance for dehydration. Furthermore & Joe Sanders ers, with tight-head prop (that’s me healthy diet consists of a balanced mix when too much protein is present in “Bodger”) slicing through the line for scored again with loose-head prop Joe of nutrients: carbohydrates, protein the diet, the absorption of calcium in After a sensational performance a 30 metre amble up the wing, but was “Badger” Sanders storming through and fat, as well as minerals and vita- particular is prevented. It causes high against Portsmouth last week, the 1st unable to off-load it to Daniel Godfrey the line, and unlike his compatriot, mins. You need to have a sufficient losses of calcium in the urine which XV were ready to entertain top of the who was in support. The first half end- managed to off-load the ball to cen- calorie intake in order to maintain can cause osteoporosis. table Royal University Medical School ed with Imperial leading 14 - 5. tre Tom Carroll for the final try of the your metabolic and activity needs. An It is often thought that if you are (RUMS) at Harlington. The second half saw a bit of a drama match. RUMS, hoping for some sort excessive calorie intake results in fat physically active you should avoid Throughout the week the side has queen act from Twat of the Match Joe of consolation, increased the pressure, storage. How many calories you need a fats at all costs if good health is to be been practising a more open style of Brown for not having his favourite ball but strong defence by Imperial meant day varies depending on body size, age, achieved and maintained. However the play similar to the style that the Fijians to play with. However once the game that the score remained at 26-5 until gender and physical activity performed body needs a certain amount of fat in play in their sevens. It was aimed to be was underway, all of the weeks training the final whistle. by the individual. The amount of each order to function properly. Fats or lip- used as an addition to the phenomenal was paying off, with the team enforc- Man of the Match went to Tom Zeal, food group needed will depend on the ids are necessary part of a healthy diet, style the team has developed in the ing the open style of play on the game. but special mention has to go to Dan type of sport played, the amount of because they are a source of stored tight play, and it was pulled off during Full-back Max Joachim scored a well Godfrey who put in an excellent per- training completed and the time spent energy. the game on Wednesday. executed try, which involved virtu- formance, it’s just a shame he can’t re- playing your sport. It has been discussed however you The game started in the same style ally the entire team. A similar try was member it. Carbohydrate is used as the main should avoid saturated fat, since it in- as it did last week, their forwards were source of fuel when exercising and if creases the risk of heart disease com- attempting to dominate the Impe- there is not enough of it the perform- pared with monosaturated (found in rial forwards, and were successful for ance will be limited. The best carbohy- olives, avocados and peanuts) and about the first 10 minutes, yet RUMS drates are complex carbohydrates and polysaturated fats (found in fish, nuts, failed to push this advantage. After they are found in foods such as fruits, sunflower and cod liver oils). It is wise that rather surprising wake up call, the potatoes, pasta, wholegrain breads and to substitute saturated fat with unsatu- forwards decided to rise to the chal- cereals. rated fat whenever possible. Water is lenge and managed to stabilise the Protein is probably the most talked the most important nutrient, yet the scrums, as well as the rucks and mauls. about nutrient amongst people who most overlooked one. Water is essen- This gave the backs the platform they are working out in the gym. So why is tial to maintaining good hydration and needed to do their magic, with fly-half protein so important? Its main func- body temperature. Always make sure Joe Brown slicing the RUMS defence in tions are to support growth and to you drink plenty of water before, dur- two and off–loading to Tom Zeal who repair body tissues. The best food ing and after your work out. went over the line for a try. sources for protein include meat, fish, A poor diet will have a negative effect RUMS were not yet ready to give up, and legumes (dried beans and peas). on the performance of even the most and after successfully stopping the Im- However, eating too much protein can casual athlete. Make sure you have a perial rolling maul in its tracks, they cause harm to your kidneys and liver, good diet with adequate nutrients and attempted their own and managed to due to the excess strain they are put calories so that you have enough ener- score the try that brought them back under whilst processing protein. In gy to enjoy your workout. It’s all about into the game. order to avoid damaging the kidneys moderation and using your common The Imperial forwards, wounded by these toxic waste products need to be sense. this show of power and their pride in The 1st XV ‘back line’ in action against RUMS 34 felix Friday 9 November 2007

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Virgins’ revenge over UCL News in brief the forwards, and being run down the win the ball from a UCL scrum leading Rugby wing by Jess to score under the posts. to a break away run by outside centre Two extra points were won off the foot Sam, closely supported by Courtney IC have national champion Imperial Women’s 1st XV 21 of Roxanne. who touched the ball down across the UCL Women’s 1st XV 17 UCL hit back hard and were award- line giving us a 21-10 lead. Soon after, Harriet Scott known internationals in the process. ed for their efforts with a try, but no UCL fought hard and managed to up Her team mates, Alexa Joel and Faye conversion making the score 7-5. The their score to 21-17. This was to be Harriet Scott, a third year medical Fullerton, completed 10:01 and 9:44 Samantha Pemberton game was heavily dominated by for- the final score for the game, but with student, combined with two team legs respectively. ward-play, with lots of driving mauls 25 minutes still left to play, the Virgins mates from her Athletics Club, Ha- This is off the back of an excellent We arrived at Harlington for our first and hard rucks. The second try for IC had their defensive skills put to the test vering Mayesbrook, to win a fantas- track season for Harriet in which she ULU match of the season, psyched up was scored by Sam, running down the with a nail biting 15 minutes keeping tic gold at the National Cross Coun- lowered her personal bests in all dis- for a hard match against UCL, who blindside following a maul, with a sec- UCL literally 5 metres from the line. try Relays at Mansfield on Saturday tances she competed in from 400m beat us 51-5 last year. ond conversion from Roxanne. UCL Well done to everyone for such a 3rd November. to 3000m. In her preferred event, The warm-up was a very long one, as then succeeded in scoring another try, well-fought game and deserved win. The trio completed the 3 x 3km the 1500m, she bettered her person- UCL did not arrive until 15 minutes af- but again missed the conversion to Also well done to Theresa, Bonnie, course in 29:18, the second fastest al best to 4 minutes and 15 seconds ter the supposed kick off time of 14:30. bring the half-time score to 14-10. Sara, Camilla and Courtney who man- time in the Championships since to take 16 seconds off and is now This did not put us off however, and In the second half we made a couple aged to win us 2 bottles of champagne 2000. ranked 6th U23 in the UK. within the first 10 minutes we were of changes, bringing new Virgin Jane in Havana’s by beating 4 other teams in Harriet put the team in medal con- Harriet finished 4th in the U23 Eu- 7-0 up, following a turnover ball out into inside centre and Emilie onto the a boat race, with opposition including tention from the off to come home ropean trial for 1500m, 12th in the of a ruck thanks to a fantastic effort by wing. Our forwards then managed to IC and Medic Rugby boys! third in 9:51, for the sixth fastest senior World trial and 3rd in the UK leg of the day, beating several well Challenge Final.

Sports Ambassadors Scheme Alissa Ayling beneficiary. By interacting with young people in the local commu- The Sports Ambassadors Scheme is a nity and acting as a role model, you fantastic opportunity for students to will be contributing to their positive gain a recognised Level 1 Coaching school experiences. Hopefully you Qualification in their desired sport. can help them to aspire to become In turn they will get some hands on university students and make the experience coaching young people most of the sporting opportuni- in local schools and the community ties available to them. Furthermore, to raise awareness of the benefits of you’ll be helping and supporting lo- furthering their education and the cal authorities by providing extra sporting opportunities available to coaching. them when they do. If you are interested in applying for The benefits of this type of scheme this scheme then please collect an are endless. For you as a coach, this application form from the Student means adding to your learning expe- Activities Centre or contact Alissa rience and skills whilst at university, Ayling at [email protected] for improving as a sports coach, enhanc- more information. ing your CV and in turn improving your employability potential. In ad- Upcoming Events dition, you’ll be gaining a qualifica- tion free of charge that will enable BUSA Swimming Short Course The Virgins applying some pressure in the scrum against University College London you to earn extra money through 16.11.07 coaching once your voluntary hours are completed. BUSA Badminton Individuals However, you won’t be the only 16.11.07 2nds spook Sussex for first win of season Imperial Team of the Week though when Dominator scored an Match’ was shared by Dominator and Hockey inspiring P-flick. Some good commu- Unicycle for their strong defence and nication and stick-work between the persistence. It was then back to the Imperial Women’s 2nd XI 2 midfield and attack led to a second Union for Halloween games and cel- Sussex Women’s 2nd XI 1 goal scored by fresher Isabel. ebration. Let’s hope this win is the first Good defence on the back line kept of many! any more Sussex goal attempts from Oh and if you’re wondering why Amanda Cheung coming to anything and the end result we’ve got bibs on, the Sussex team de- was maintained at 2-1. ‘Man of the cided to have a similar kit to ours! The season had not started too well for the Ladies 2nd’s but Halloween Wednesday saw a break in the slump with a gripping win against Sussex La- dies 2nd’s. Having kept adrenaline high with some nude photo shoots, we went into the game with great anticipation. The team had many new faces and a new layout formulated by the stand-in captain Dominator. The first half started solidly with lots of well calculated passes and well aimed hit-outs. However, the ball was barely seen in our attacking half as Sussex started fast and intercepted the Squash Men’s 1st (Team captain ball. Some good stops from Spanner saved any damage to the score sheet Mitchell Hensman pictured) and at half-time the match was still goal-less. This week, Sports Partnership ably beating all their opponents in A stirring half time chat and oranges along with Felix Sport have chosen straight sets (that’s 5 - 0 for those of led to a more fired-up Imperial side the Squash Men’s 1st team as their you that don’t know!) in the second half. All was going well ‘Team of the Week’. Hopefully this winning streak can until we went 1-0 down due to a slight The boys have been pulling off continue for the rest of the season. oversight which earned Hoover ‘Twat phenomenal results, comfort- Well done boys! of the Match’! Things turned around Ladies 2nds playing in lime green vests Friday 9 November 2007 felix 35 [email protected] Sport Injuries and their treatment Sports league ing in a sport, but when this does not exercises and return to RICE until it is happen or does not prevent injury the again safe to return to the rehabilita- Week 6 and a lot more results are in. ball 1st, Squash Men’s 1st (this week’s following information is crucial. tion phase. The ranking of the teams is based on Team of the Week) and Tennis Men’s During the first 48 hours following As a sports-person is not always like- the Felix Index (FI), which is calculated 2nd are top of the table with 20 points an injury a magical process known as ly to follow the rest component of this as follows: FI = (W*5) + (D*2) – (L*4). each, followed closely by Hockey Men’s ‘RICE’ should be applied. Its effective- process due to training requirements, Only teams with 5 games or more will 1st and Rugby Men’s 1st. ness in reducing pain and inflamma- competition and sometimes just plain be considered in the overall champion- At the bottom of the table we find tion should not be underestimated, foolhardiness (you know who you are), ship at the end of year. Football Men’s 2nd still rooted to the hence its ‘magical’ tag line! the injured person should at least exer- With this week’s results in, Net- bottom, having not won a game yet. cise with caution and try to follow the R = Rest I-C-E part of this procedure, followed by rehabilitation. Team P W D L F A Diff % FI To prevent further immediate 1 Netball 1st 4 4 0 0 235 91 144 100 20 damage to the affected tissues • Heat is not appropriate for first 2 Squash Men's 1st 4 4 0 0 20 0 20 100 20 and allow the healing process to aid of an injury. It increases bleeding 3 Tennis Men's 2nd 4 4 0 0 34 6 28 100 20 begin. within the tissue exacerbating inflam- 4 Hockey Men's 1st 4 3 1 0 14 3 11 75 17 mation. Only apply heat in recovery 5 Rugby Union Men's 1st 5 4 0 1 100 42 58 80 16 I = Ice (cold) phases. 6 Fencing Men's 2nd 3 3 0 0 391 307 84 100 15 7 Tennis Women's 1st 3 2 1 0 22 8 14 66.7 12 To reduce pain and local muscle Active Rehabilitation 8 Squash Men's 2nd 4 3 0 1 13 7 6 75 11 Hannah Barr spasm by numbing the pain re- Sports-individuals willing to stop 9 Volleyball Women's 1st 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 100 10 Energia Fitness Instructor ceptors. Stops internal bleeding training and competition altogether 10 Football Men's 1st 3 1 2 0 5 3 2 33.3 9 by slowing down blood circula- are few and far between. Obviously 11 Rugby Union Men's 2nd 4 2 1 1 74 77 -3 50 8 We all suffer from sports-related in- tion, which in-turn reduces the this is dependant on the severity of the 12 Cricket Men's 1st 5 3 0 2 926 678 248 60 7 juries from time to time. Here’s an in- amount of bleeding and inflam- injury i.e. a ruptured ligament/tendon/ 13 Badminton Men's 2nd 3 2 0 1 15 9 6 66.7 6 troduction to some common types of mation in the tissues. Ice time: muscle would be impossible not to rest 14 Table Tennis Women's 1st 3 2 0 1 9 6 3 66.7 6 injuries and how best to treat them. dependant on size of structure as the pain would prevent any unrea- 15 Hockey Women's 1st 4 1 2 1 14 11 3 25 5 An acute injury is damage to the injured. Skin should look pale sonable, but desired premature return 16 Basketball Men's 1st 1 1 0 0 70 42 28 100 5 soft tissues i.e. muscle, tendon or liga- and not reddened when ice is to sport. 17 Rugby Union Women's 1st 1 1 0 0 50 5 45 100 5 ment. Immediately after the injury removed. However many injuries, although 18 Football Women's 1st 3 1 1 1 2 2 0 33.3 3 the tissues will be bleeding and sub- painful and debilitating in terms of 19 Hockey Men's 2nd 4 2 0 2 20 7 13 50 2 sequent inflammation will be taking C = Compression performance, will not necessarily pre- 20 Squash Women's 1st 4 2 0 2 10 7 3 50 2 place in the local area causing pain and vent participation. If this is the sports- 21 Netball 2nd 2 1 0 1 76 74 2 50 1 dysfunction. Compress for support and to person’s choice (it may not be recom- 22 Basketball Women's 1st 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 A strain is an injury to either a mus- control inflammation, which mended by a sports therapist) then it 23 Cricket Men's 2nd 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 cle or a tendon. Depending on the further helps with pain relief. is important to give yourself a fighting 24 Equestrian 1st 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 severity of the injury, a strain may be chance. With this in mind, injury arti- 25 Equestrian 2nd 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 a simple overstretch of the muscle or E = Elevation cles to follow will provide suggestions 26 Fencing Women's 1st 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 tendon, or it can result from a partial on exercises to help during the recov- 27 Golf 1st 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 or complete tear. To help decrease bleeding and ery process, but they should not be at- 28 Netball 3rd 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 A sprain is an injury to a ligament inflammation. tempted until pain and inflammation 29 Tennis Women's 2nd 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 supporting a joint and can result from has gone, which would be at least 48 30 Volleyball Men's 1st 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 a fall, a sudden twist, or a blow to the During this period you may well re- hours afterward. 31 Water Polo Men's 1st 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 body that forces a joint out of its nor- quire additional pain relief such as an- It is important to note that these are 32 Tennis Men's 1st 4 1 1 2 16 24 -8 25 -1 mal position and stretches or tears the ti-inflammatory gels or non-steroidal only guidelines based on a minor acute 33 Rugby Union Men's 3rd 5 2 0 3 97 68 29 40 -2 ligament supporting that joint. anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAID’s). episode, and in no way replace the 34 Fencing Men's 1st 3 1 0 2 347 344 3 33.3 -3 Often you may exhibit symptoms Please consult your pharmacist for ap- role of a qualified physician/therapist. 35 Lacrosse Women's 1st 3 1 0 2 15 31 -16 33.3 -3 that suggest an injury (strain/sprain); propriate treatment. If your condition does not improve 36 Table Tennis Men's 1st 3 1 0 2 30 21 9 33.3 -3 however this can be as a result of tight- over the 48-hour period, it is strongly 37 Squash Men's 3rd 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0 -4 ened muscles pulling other structures After approx. 48 hours: advised that you consult a qualified 38 Badminton Women's 1st 2 0 1 2 8 16 -8 0 -6 out of alignment, causing referred pain. therapist. Your injury may be worse 39 Badminton Men's 1st 4 1 0 3 15 17 -2 25 -7 In this case these symptoms can often Rehabilitation than a strain or sprain, and these type 40 Hockey Men's 3rd 4 1 0 3 3 6 -3 25 -7 be effectively released by following a Once the pain and inflammation have of injuries, if not given correct treat- 41 Hockey Women's 2nd 4 1 0 3 5 21 -16 25 -7 stretch plan or massage treatment. gone, exercises to regain lost strength ment immediately after the event, can 42 Football Men's 3rd 4 0 1 3 1 12 -11 0 -10 Wherever possible aim to PROTECT and mobility can begin. If these symp- become a chronic problem and this is 43 Hockey Men's 4th 3 0 0 3 2 9 -7 0 -12 vulnerable body parts when participat- toms re-occur during this process stop something you should strive to avoid. 44 Football Men's 2nd 4 0 0 4 2 13 -11 0 -16

Crossword No. 1,386 Answers to: [email protected]

38 Think back about George, the The winner of Enoch’s sublime cross- 1 2 1 2 3 5 4 5 ACROSS 1 Man of the cloth (6) warrior (6) word last week is Benjamin Martin. 4 Cry, male puppy (3) Congratulations that man. Unfortu- 6 7 6 8 7 Tangled snake in a bathhouse (3) DOWN nately, as he pointed out, he forgot to 8 The crib in the cottage (3) 1 Account of an upside-down bat (3) attach his solution to his first email 9 9 Yeast with thorium gains depth(7) 2 Notion from confused aide (4) which makes him a loser. If he hadn’t 10 Walk shakily after lively dance (4) 3 “I do pure sex” incomprehensible pointed that out to us, then he would 10 11 12 12 One skull goes forward (5) from Greek king (10) have won £800,000. That chance has 14 Notice point (4) 4 King, cloaked in mist, falls into now gone forever. Really, this would 13 14 15 Slow at the beginning, with some brook (6) have happened. No joke. Ah well, life thought, leads to laziness (4) 5 And, in a bit, the outlaw (6) goes on. Well done Ben, chin up. 15 16 17 13 18 19 18 Entice a teetotaller to take some 6 An army of tailess corpses (5) hemp (5) 8 Waffle crate talks a lot (10) Tomo, on behalf of Enoch 14 14 20 20 Sprite on a donkey from the East 11 My subconscious self says: odd enters a cul-de-sac (7) eggnog (3) 21 22 21 Mop bristle head at the front of the 13 PEZ machine broken by the ape Solution to Crossword 1,385 room (5) (10) 18 23 N A R R O W O N S C R I P T E 22 Straight-edge leader (5) 16 Unappetizing grub (5) E E O E P N P E P R E E L I N 23 Expression in favour of an action 17 Enemy of Shadow government (10) C H A P E R O N E E S Q U I D 24 25 26 27 28 word (7) 19 Push journalism (5) T A S S R V R T R N I I T A I 24 Parasite loses anger about rice (5) 24 In the dust, Democrats in power A T T R A C T A M O N S O O N 29 24 26 In that robe, seem overweight (5) (6) R E B E T R A P R S O T C E G 29 Hit a target spike (4) 25 Comfort, therefore, a cord or T S O C I A B L E H M I R T H 30 31 32 30 At the beginning, we all liked to ribbon (6) A A B O O A L T R R O I A Y Y zanily dance (5) 27 Even though, engage Humpty C A N O N A E T E R N I T Y S 33 34 32 Fever takes the head of a sickness Dumpty (3) U A O C H E R Y C L A R I S S (4) 28 Appoint some messy, godless M E X I C A N L T U S C A N Y 35 36 33 Antiquated letter (7) treacle (5) E U I E R U E A I P T I R A S 35 At the signal, cutie loses it (3) 31 The male deer, less than half N O O S E Y R O O S E V E L T 37 38 36 Beer in a leaky barrel (3) decomposed (4) A P U R S H V I N I R I A A E 37 Grain sounds drily humorous (3) 34 Ingest the edge of the seat (3) RT T S E T S E UE MO G Y P S U M Send in your sport reports: felix [email protected] sport High resolution photos only

Cliffhanger Mountaineering club report on their summer tour to Mallorca, see page 30 Imperial fencers see away UCL without a hitch

lievable 14 – 5 victory in his final sabre leaving everyone wondering why UCL Fencing match, cementing his position as ‘Man had used their best foilist only as a sub- of the Match’ and leaving Imperial only stitute, and speculating as to how dif- UCL Men’s 2nd 118 a point adrift. Sadly Maurice and Will ferent things might have been had he Imperial Men’s 2nd 128 were not able to capitalise, losing their been fencing from the start. final matches 5 – 2 and 5 – 3 respec- Going into épeé, the scores stood tively, leaving the final score for sabre at 83 – 76, affording Imperial some Maurice Berk at 39 – 45 and Imperial with a small breathing space. It seemed like they mountain to climb in order to get back might need it when Maurice lost his Imperial Men’s 2nd Fencing team into the contest. first match 2 – 5 to the opposing cap- made it two wins from two with a well Foil was up next and Imperial got off tain but Luka got things back on track deserved victory over UCL’s 2nd team. to a perfect start with Nathan Blundell, with an 8 – 4 victory against his first Going into the game, UCL were top of Ez Hassan and Norris Lo all winning opponent. Ez, a foilist masquerading the league thanks to a convincing 135 their first matches. Nathan then de- as an épeéist, then went down to a 5 – – 98 victory over Portsmouth, putting molished his second opponent 5 – 1, 6 defeat. Maurice got back to winning the pressure on Imperial to make a Norris drew 5 – 5 and Ez’s match went ways with a close fought 5 – 4 victory statement of intent as they challenge to time, finishing at 4 – 2. At this point but Ez continued to struggle and lost for the title. Imperial were 29 – 17 in the lead and his second match 1 – 6. Fortunately, Once again, the match started with well in control. The UCL captain then Luka, assured as ever, brushed aside sabre as both sides were awaiting the approached Maurice and ominously his second opponent 9 – 0, propel- arrival of key foilists. Imperial got announced he wished to make a sub- ling Imperial into the lead at 30 – 25. off to a rocky start with team captain stitution for the final foil match. In the Ez lost his final match 5 – 6 but made Maurice Berk losing 3 – 5 in his first mean time, Norris defeated his final his opponent work hard for it, leaving match up, Will Hoy only managing a 5 opponent 6 – 3 and Nathan drew his Maurice in the position of putting the – 5 draw and Luka Lukic defeated 2 – match 5 – 5. Ez then took his place match beyond doubt with a 5 – 4 victo- 5. Maurice lost his second match 3 – 5, on the piste with the scores at 40 – 25 ry. UCL managed some small consola- Luka drew his 5 – 5 and Will lost 2 – 5, and victory seemingly assured. His tion when their captain beat Luka 7 – 5 leaving the scores at 20 – 30 and Im- opponent, the mysterious substitute, but with the final épeé scores at 45 – 42 perial staring defeat in the face. Luka, had other plans however, making Ez it was too little, too late and Imperial ever the consummate competitor, then work hard to keep the scores close at go into their next match, against Royal stunned all onlookers with an unbe- 4 – 6 before the match went to time, Holloway, top of the league. Good luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunge