Marital Problems in Religiously Mixed Marriages Amongst the Vhavenda People of South Africa : an African-Christian Perspective
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1 MARITAL PROBLEMS IN RELIGIOUSLY MIXED MARRIAGES AMONGST THE VHAVENDA PEOPLE OF SOUTH AFRICA : AN AFRICAN-CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE. BY NTAVHANYENI SAMPSON PHASWANA ii MARITAL PROBLEMS IN RELIGIOUSLY MIXED MARRIAGES AMONGST THE VHAVENDA PEOPLE OF SOUTH AFRICA : AN AFR1CAN-CHR1STIAN PERSPECTIVE. BY NTAVHANYENI SAMPSON PHASWANA Submitted in accordance with the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Literature and Philosophy in the subject Religious Studies at the University of South Afri<:a. PROMOTER: PROFESSOR G.J.A. LUBBE September 2000 Ill DECLARATION I declare that MARITAL PROBLEMS IN RELIGIOUSLY MIXED MARRIAGES AMONGST THE VHAVENDA PEOPLE OF SOUTH AFRICA : AN AFRICAN-CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE is my own work and that all the sources that l have used or quoted have been indicated and acknowledged by means of complete references . .7/~r~~ .... N.S. PHASWANA DATE lV ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I wish here to thank all those who in any way contributed in making this work possible. They are too numerous to name, but I will mention a few of those I am particularly indebted. My deepest appreciation goes to my promoter, Prof. G.J.A Lubbe who showed me the way to scholarly reporting and kept on encouraging me. I thank him for the time and effort he gave so generously. His patience and encouragement gave me the enthusiasm to go from one step to the next. I am very grateful for his suggestions and constructive criticism which were well taken. He was like a father to me. I acknowledge with pleasure, as well as the stimulus received from discussions with my coUeague and friend, T shimangadzo Ramugondo. His support and suggestions have been extremely helpful. I want to thank all my colleagues at Makhado College of Education for th~ support given. Nthambeleni Gerson Rambiyana in particular was very much supportive. I am also indebted to the registrar of the High Court (Thohoyandou), Chief T.J. Davhana for the support given. I will remain grateful to his entire staff members. The works of my typists Mrs I Odendaal and Mrs E van Rensburg who sacrificed much of their leisure time cannot go unnoticed. The service of Health Care Workers at Siloam and Donald Frazer hospitals cannot go unnoticed. I also want to thank Educators and learners who completed some of my questionnaires. I wish to thank Ms. Mary-lynn Suttie, our subject librarian at the University of South Africa, and Ms. Thea Heckroodt of the University of Pretoria. Both were very special to me. I wish to thank pastors in different church denominations for the support given. May the gods and God be with them. I want to thank my parents, my late grandfather Vho-Stmisoni Mukatuni Tshilimandila afterwhom l was named, my wife Angie and children, Yuri and Rudzani, for their unfailing support which increased in proportion each time I needed it. Finally, I want to thank the God of Mahagalala, Mukatuni, Mutayo, Mbulaheni, Mudzunga, Maumela, Mushaathama and Vhutahant. ) DEDICATION I want to dedicate this thesis to my father, Vho- Philemon Tshibalo Tshilimandila V1 SUMMARY Marriages with differences in religion are a source of misunderstanding, friction, and disharmony, and as a result, such marriages are exposed to a breakdown. Religion is not merely a set of beliefs, but a way of living and thinking. When this differs, it causes misunderstanding in the family and may cause marriage failure as adjustments to each other becomes comphcated. Divorce is much more common in mixed marriages whether of different culture, religious or socio-economic background than when the backgrounds are simHar. Retigious similarity is linked to marital durability. The researcher wanted to indicate through this work that the increase of marriages between people of different religious faiths does not really matter to people any longer. It is proved in this research that the outcome of such marriages is in most cases disastrous. Mixed marriages are the object of attention in every society because of their life meaning. Marriage is more than a relationship between individuals. It involves many more people, it is suggested in this study that African traditional methods like mahundwane (camping or a miniature village), betrothal and the giving of thakha (bride wealth) in marriage should be used to prevent both mixed marriages and marital problems which usually leads to marriage breakdown. V11 CONTENTS CHAPTER 1 ORIENTATION 1.1 Aim of Study 1 1.2 Hypothesis 1 1.3 Research Problems 1 1.4 Theoretical Framework 1 1.5 Analysis of the Problem 5 1.6 The Vhavenda People 9 1.6.1 Traditionalists 9 1.6.2 Venda Christians 11 1. 7 Marriage amongst the Vhavenda people 14 1.7.1 Traditional Marriage 14 1. 7.2 Christian Marriage 16 1.8 Divorce amongst the Vhavenda people 17 1.8.1 Divorce amongst Traditional Vhavenda people 17 1.8.2 Divorce amongst Venda Christians 18 V111 1.9 Methodology 18 1.10 The Researcher -Who is he ? 21 1.11 Limitations 22 1.12 Conceptualisation 24 1.12.1 Mixed marriages 24 1.12.2 Culture 25 1.12.3 Traditionalists 27 1.12.4 African Christians 27 1.12.5 Christians 28 1.13 Chapter outline 28 IX CHAPTER2 THE MALA (MARRIAGE) SYSTEM OF THE VHAVENDA PEOPLE 2.1 Introduction 30 2.2 Choice of a spouse 30 2.2.1 Marriages desirable or permitted 30 2.2.1.1 Cross-cousin (muzwata) marriage obligatory 30 2.2.1.2 Marriage with non-relatives 31 2.2.1.3 Marriage of woman to woman 31 2.2.1.4 Divorcees, runaways 32 2.2.1.5 Marriages of chiefs 33 2.2.2 Marriages prohibited or undesirable 34 2.2.2.1 intermarriage with members of other tribes 34 2.2.2.2 Marriages with some relatives 36 2.3 The mala (Marriage) system of the Vhavenda people 36 2.3.1 Betrothal 36 2.3.2 Modem betrothal 39 2.3.3 Family discussions 39 2.3.4 Intermediary (nendila) 40 2.3.5 Luambiso (betrothal present) 41 2.3.6 Murula (consignment of beer) ~ 2.3.7 Thakha- equivalent of Iobato (something given 45 X to mala a wife) 2.3.7.1 What constitutes thakha? 51 2.3.7.2 The position of thakha today 52 2.3.8 Bringing of a bride to her husband's place (u vhinga) 59 2.4 Married life. 64 2.4.1 Obligations of the wife 65 2.4.2 Obligations of the husband 66 2.5 Conclusion. 66 X1 CHAPTER3 BIBLICAL DATA ON MIXED MARRIAGES FROM AN AFRICAN - CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE 3.1 Introduction. 69 3.2 King Solomon's love for foreign women : 1 Kings 11:1-4. 71 3.3 The laws of Deuteronomy 7:1-6 73 Concerning mixed marriages. .3.4 Samson the Nazarite (Judges 16:4-20) . 77 3.5 The Book of Ruth 79 3.6 The Law of Moses (the Deuteronomic Law) and divorce. 80 3. 7 The Deuteronomistic Law versus the teaching of the 83 New Testament 3. 7.1 The teaching of the Pharisees and Scribes 83 3.7.2 The School of Hillel 83 3.7.3 The School of Shammai 84 3.7.4 Jesus' interpretation of the Deuteronomic Law 85 3.8 The implications of the Deuteronomic Law today 87 3.9 Jesus' view of marriage. 94 xii 3.1 0 The encounter between Christianity and traditional 97 African Culture 3.1 0.1 Discontinuity and Negation 97 3.1 0.2 lnculturation and Rehabilitation 99 3.11 Conclusion. 101 Xlll CHAPTER4 MARITAL PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH MIXED MARRIAGES 4.1 Introduction. 103 4.2 Causes of mixed marriages 103 4.2.1 The role parents and family members 103 4.2.2 The role of religio-social institutions 106 4.3 Cultural conflicts 109 4.4 Churches and religious groups attitudes towards mixed marriages 111 4.5 Food and dining etiquette 111 4.6 Friends 112 4. 7 Financial management 113 4.8 Sexual adjustment 114 4.9 Child rearing practices 115 4. 10 Festivities and observances 116 4.11 Practice of religious faith 117 4.12 Residence 118 XlV 4.13 Extramarital attachment 118 4.14 Interference of in-laws? 120 4.15 Communication breakdown 122 4.16 Friction over children 123 4.17 Divorce 124 4.17.1 Causes of divorce 124 4.17.1.1 Witchcraft 126 4.17.1.2 Excessive wife-beating and maltreatment128 4.17.1.3 Neglect of household duties by wife 131 4.17.1.4 Neglect of wife by husband 132 4.17.1.5 The problem of interfaith marriages 133 4.17.2 Offences not valid as grounds for divorce 134 4.17.2.1 Adultery not ground for divorce 134 4.17.2.2 Habitual lying, gossiping and insolence 135 4.17.2.3 Desertation without cause 137 4.17.2.4 Barrenness not ground for divorce 137 4.18 Conclusion 139 4.19 Footnote for Chapter 4 140 XV CHAPTERS DATA ANALYSIS AND PRESENTATION 5.1 Introduction 141 5.2 Section I (Questionnaire no. I)Married Persons 143 5.2.1 Ethnicity 143 5.2.2 Gender 144 5.2.3 Religion 146 5.2.4 Data on mariages 148 5.2.4.1 Do you belong to the same religion? 148 5.2.4.2 Are the people around you aware that you have marital problems.? 148 5.2.4.3 If you were to start all over again would you marry him/her? 149 5.2.4.4 Have you ever beaten your wife I husband? 150 5.2.4.5 Type of marriage 151 5.2.5 The importance ofthakha 152 (a) Did you give thakha {bridewealth) (man)? 152 (b) If YES what did you give? 152 (c) Was thakha given to your family (female)? 153 (d) If YES what did he give? 153 XV1 (e) If you were to start all over again would you marry him I her? 154 (f) Have you ever beaten your wife I husband? 154 (g) How long have you been married? Was thakha given to your family (female)? 155 (h) Have you ever reported him I her to any authority? 155 5.2.6 Are the people around you aware that you have marital problems? When your marriage is in a crisis whom would you like to talk to first? 156 5.2.7 Have you at any stage thought of divorcing him/her? If you were to start all over again would you marry him/her ? 157 Section II (Questionnaire No.2) Professionals 159 Gender 159 Religion 160 Type of institution 161 Problems people usually come to you with 162 Section Ill (Questionnaire No.3) The upcoming generation 167 5.3 The youth: The upcoming generation 167 5.4 Gender 168 XVll 5.5 Their views 169 5.5.1 Do you think people belonging to different religions should marry? 169 5.5.2 Will you encourage or discourage mixed marriages? 170 XVlll CHAPTERS CONCLUDING REMARKS 6.1 Introductory remarks 172 6.1.