canon25 the internet canontwentyfive 1- “Two-Face” Book January 2011 2- The Internet: A Particularly Sad Story So I thought a topic as broad as the internet would Maybe About You/Reborn Dreams inundate Peter and I with submissions. Alas! It was not so. I was really hoping for an entire article in leet speak 3- Examining the Christian Subconscious or lolspeak. (check them out here: http://en.wikipedia. org/wiki/Leet and here: http://speaklolspeak.com/) 4- Coffee is No Substitute for Sleep That would have been hilarious. Oh well, we did get some fantastic submissions from some very talented Tyndale 5- Futurishtic students. If you can spare some time from Facebook and YouTube you should give them a read. 6- Technology: A Necessary Evil? Happy Stumbling, ! -/\/\4|2|< 7- YouTyndale My favourite place on the internet: Futurama s awesome 8- Framework/Blog Roll wiki called THE INFOSPHERE! Everything you ever wanted to know about Futurama! The real Infosphere was actu- 9- Stumble/The Web/Ostrich ally created in deep space by the Brain Spawn aliens in S05E08 who wanted to collect knowledge about every- 10- Missed Connections/Right Through thing in the universe. Are you laughing at me? Facebook is pretty much doing the same thing, but collecting infor- You/The Sobbit mation about YOU! -Pete Canon 25 Canon (k ă n Ə n) Editors: Design: a. A group of literary works that are generally accepted as representing a fi eld. Mark Fisk Patrick Sutherland b. The works of a writer that have been acepted as Peter Adourian authentic. Fine Print: 25 (t w ĕ n t ē - f ī v) Canon 25 is the offi cial student publication of Tyn- a. The address of Tyndale University College and dale University, but does not represent its ideas or Seminary on Ballyconnor Crt. opinions unless specifi cally noted. b. Average age of middle-aged twenty-somethings. Canon25 has a monthly circulation of about 150. c. Number of people waiting in line at J&T (after cha- Submissions: pel). Canon 25 likes creative articles, humor, comics, Canon 25 (k ă n Ə n t w ĕ n t ē - f ī v) photography, art, poetry and all other forms of a. A collection of fresh perspectives and thought printable expression. Submit material online at provoking ideas inspired by the hearts and minds of [email protected] or in per- Tyndale Students. son to any Canon25 staff b. A glossy, uncomfortable substitute for toilet paper 123 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

“Two-Face” Book Facebook is a social media tool that has rapidly allowed people to connect with friends, family and businesses online. It has become the one-stop spot for all social media interactions. Now, many people are so intimately connected with their Facebook that they would not survive a day without it. It is as if now they are wedded together—Facebook has become a part of them. 1 second ago · like · comment · see friendship Facebook has created a whole new world: interactions have changed, the things people share have changed and the characters people publicly display have changed. It has created a “brave new world” for people to interact in whichever way they feel like. They become an avatar of themselves; they have the ability to refl ect whichever characteristics they choose at that mo- ment without suffering the immediate consequences. Facebook has opened many good opportu- nities for people, but there is always something negative lurking around the corner.

Facebook is unique because it allows people share publicly as much as they possibly could without feeling they are sharing everything. They share pictures from the family vacation, they share how they are feeling certain days, they share what their friends are up to, and they share pictures they take in their bedroom of themselves. They share all the things they normally would with their most intimate friends in the entire world. This creates a problem.

Most people post ignorantly; not truly knowing who their audience truly is. They do not Matt Stiller likes the group: realize that their worst enemy, their best friend, and the creepy boy in the back of their math class Canon25 Literary Contributors knows what they are doing, knows how they are doing, knows where they went on vacation, knows what their bedroom looks like, and looks at pictures day in and day out of them. This is not healthy.

The one thing that makes Facebook so attractive to so many people is that it allows for relationships without vulnerability. It allows people to share everything about their lives—their favourite movies, their favourite songs, their favourite books, their family members, their photos, etc. You can share what you want indiscriminately without the hassle and risk involved in normal relationships. There is no need to get to know someone anymore—they can publicly display all that they are. Consequently, this is very addicting and very alienating for many people. Social interaction has become non-social. Another fear is that the Internet separates actions from their proper consequences. You can look at something or say something to someone and there will be no consequences. You can gaze at someone’s private photos, you can tell them that you love about them and there is no fear of being rejected. The girl is not going to slap you and the guy is not going to ‘take a round out of Hey! Mark and you’ because they can’t. You can do and say anything publicly from the safety of the internet and Peter don’t there are rarely ever any immediate consequences. People are slowly living two separate lives. They live one life as the shy person; not willing intend to be to say what they truly think, not willing to look where they want to look, not willing to approach people about certain things in real life. But, on Facebook they are a different being. On Facebook, here forever. they are the loud, arrogant person who scans through the attractive guy/girl’s photos more than they should. They will look at what they want and say what they want and there is no fear. The We are looking only thing that they have to approach is a computer. The other person cannot touch them, harm them, look at them in the eye, or have any physical contact. They are protected from all that—it for intern(s) to is just them and their computer, nothing else matters. Facebook allows you to completely mask your emotions. About 80% of all our communication is non-verbal and none of that can be seen help us out and through a computer screen. Electronic communication tools like skype allow for the nonverbal maybe you’ll communication that is lost on Facebook. Many people become brave over Facebook. Of course it is easy to try to ‘pick up’ some- take over when one over Facebook. You can be charming, you can be rude, or you can be arrogant. If a conver- sation turns for the worse a simple ‘click’ on the delete button and that person no longer exists to we’re gone. If you. All communication is then cut off. People soon become two-faced, they act one way virtually you’re interest- and another way actually. Facebook is disturbing our natural human communication. Many people become some- ed talk to one one they are not—they say things they wouldn’t normally and they look at things they wouldn’t normally. Since the creation of Facebook, the term ‘creeped’ has even risen. Someone ‘creeps’ of us in person on another if they look through their pictures, watch what they are doing, and see who they are talking to. It is a modern version of eavesdropping and is not healthy for any properly functioning or email us a relationship. It is often a sign of manipulation and control issues. Many people are intimately ac- quainted with people via facebook who they are not actually acquainted with in real life. Perhaps tyndalestu- this thirst for knowledge is tied to a greater thirst for power. dentpublica- So, check yourself next time you go on Facebook. Are you living a two-faced life? Are you spending too much time submerged in virtual communication? Are you ‘creeping’ people you [email protected] shouldn’t be? Are you spending too much time looking up the intimate details of people who you shouldn’t be looking up? The fact that you are looking them up usually means that they wouldn’t be someone you would show everything to in real life. Are you watching over those who are close to you because you want to know everything that they are doing? Facebook can be a killer of natural human communication—don’t let it be! 123 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

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The Internet: A Particularly Sad Story, Maybe About You This issue’s theme was ‘the internet’ and not one student submitted anything about pornography. So now this is happening.

Pornography is all fun and games until somebody goes blind.

In May of 2003, I was fi nishing up grade nine. As with most niners, it was a signifi cant year in my life: I fi rst picked up the guitar, I committed to keeping my long hair, and I was about to enrol in a leadership train- ing program at a Christian summer camp. These things defi ned the following seven years of my life to the present day and, without exception, became the foundation for my identity, for better or worse. Ok, ok, and sure, I watched some porn on the internet. But another thing I watched periodically was the news. And that year was the fi rst time I heard of an “Amber Alert.”

I’m not sure how far outside Toronto this news may have gotten, but it stands as one of the more famous Amber Alerts in my city’s history. Holly Jones, a 10-year-old girl from the Bloor and Lansdowne area, went missing on the afternoon of May 13, 2003. The next day, two gym bags containing her remains were found in the lake. After a month of high media coverage, 35-year-old Michael Briere was charged with fi rst-degree murder to which, on the fi rst day he appeared in court a year later, he plead guilty. By this time, it was evident that he had sexually assaulted Holly and choked her to death within an hour of her abduction. Briere’s guilty plea was entered, by his admission, to spare everyone the details of what he had done.

In the autumn following his sentencing, I was in grade eleven, plodding along in my education with guitar in hand, long dirty locks, and a cross on my necklace. In what I seem to remember was Law class, we watched a video about the sex offender registry (which was still fairly new at the time and directly linked to the Holly Jones murder). By that time, it had been well publicized that child pornography had been found on Briere’s computer, and that he had been viewing this pornography directly before stepping outside his house to fi nd a random victim. One point of contention in the public discussion surrounding the incident was whether or not pornography specifi cally prompts these types of crimes. Some argue that the desire to sexually abuse another person comes from within and is not particularly prompted by pornography. Speaking of himself, Briere believed that pornography did in fact directly affect his desire to shift from the screen to the street. Which do you think is most accurate?

Here’s my oversimplifi ed answer. Determined rapists can rape without watching pornography, just like good guitarists can play guitar without ever listening to Jimmy Hendrix. But sometimes all you need is a good foundation in the classics to open your human, or inhuman, potential.

No, I’m not afraid that that could happen to me. The old foundations of my life are still there – the guitar, the fond memories of my big hair, and my faith – but I cut out porn when I realized it was bringing me down, and I don’t need that. My love, and even my lust, deserve better than that.

Pornography is all fun and games until somebody goes blind. It’s all spits and giggles until you go deaf. It’s all clean and healthy until your heart turns to stone. Peter Adourian - Cache - Similar

Reborn Dreams The dreams that the world taught me to have were shattered, That’s the truth. In some ways, it’s only natural to grieve them, But grieve not the hope that has been reborn on eagle’s wings, Rising me to the highest heights of the dawn And teaching me how to soar. It was necessary for me to be broken In order that all the pieces may be glued together To create a beautiful vase. It is in my times of trial and tribulation That I grow stronger. It is here that the tire tracks of the beat up van Meet the road In an endless infi nity. Deborah-Ruth Ferber - Cache - Similar 123 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Examining The Christian Subconscious Author: Mark Fisk fi ght it as best as you can. You may not be able to tell that The Plot: feeling of dislike to ‘go away’ but as Christian it is your duty Have you ever met someone and you im- to fi ght it as best as you can. And if you still cannot beat it mediately did not like them? They did nothing you still must treat Bob as you would want to be treated. to deserve your dislike. In fact, this hypotheti- You still must love Bob (even if you dislike him). cal person may have been nice to you but you This management of perceptions is where many Chris- still cannot get past the irrational, emotional, tians grow spiritually soft. It is diffi cult because it is internal instinctual, dislike of the person. Or perhaps you and constant but it is all the more crucial because of that. have been the victim of this sort of behavior? The internal battles are where Satan will win or lose your Maybe there is someone, possibly here at Tyndale, who treats you badly and soul and every time you capitulate to the easy rule of your you have no idea why. This behavior can even be mutual; you meet someone perceptions you are contributing to a possible fi nal defeat and they don’t like you and you don’t like them and neither of you have any and overthrow of your soul. good reason for it. I don’t have to tell you that this behavior is normal—we all Let’s look at the ‘homeless guy with a golden voice’ ex- go through it and we all do it—but, as Christians, it is important to control this ample again: You have seen the guy and you have made impulse rather than let it control us. your subconscious assumptions. However, a few moments As Christians we are commanded (not asked) to love our neighbor, we are have passed (it only takes a few seconds for your reason commanded (not requested) to do unto others as we would have them do to to catch up to your subconscious) how are you going to address the as- us and as Christians we are commanded (not suggested) to love even our sumptions you have made? You can’t deny his look; he does look dirty and enemies. So whenever you meet someone you are already under the weight homeless but you have to manage how your perception affects your treat- of three God given commands to treat that person lovingly. I know I haven’t ment of the individual. told you anything you haven’t heard and I know I’m probably just regurgitating 1.Rotting teeth – he’s a drug addict – OR perhaps he’s been living some sermon you heard while sitting in the second pew (you know, the one somewhere with poor access to dental health, perhaps he couldn’t afford it, right behind the pastor). However, most Christians don’t realize just how hard perhaps he has a past full of good and evil just like anyone else and how real these commands are. If you take these commands seriously 2.Dirty, unkempt, homeless looking – Why is he here? He shouldn’t they should effect every single interaction you have with a person. be in Tyndale – OR He may be homeless but that should make him more Human beings are constantly making assumptions. Our minds move faster welcome in Tyndale (as a community of Christians) not less, perhaps he and come to conclusions quicker than our reason can process. You can end isn’t homeless at all maybe he had an extremely rough night or has been up feeling something about a particular person without actually choosing to do through some adventure. You never know. (I’m sure I looked homeless at so. For example: Let’s take recent ‘YouTube’ celebrity ‘homeless guy with the end of my hitch-hiking trip.) a golden voice’ and separate him from his story. You are meeting him for the 3.Poor attire – Is this guy looking for money? He wants my money – OR fi rst time at Tyndale: He is dressed scruffi ly, he smells, his hair is crazy and his maybe he just isn’t buying into the capitalist standard for how people should teeth look like they are about to fall out of his face. You are going to make one dress, perhaps he saves money by buying things second hand or wearing or several assumptions about him solely about his looks: things until they have worn out. 1.Rotting teeth - He’s a drug addict 4.Shoeless or well worn shoes, unshaven, long hair - He probably lives 2.Dirty, unkempt, homeless looking - Why is he here? He on the streets – OR he was mugged on his way home and they took his cell shouldn’t be in Tyndale phone and his expensive shoes and he had to walk all the way home (some 3.Poor attire - Is this guy looking for money? He wants my money men wear their hair long). 4.Shoeless or well worn shoes, unshaven, long hair - He probably lives You get the point. Until you know a person (and I mean truly know a on the streets person, not just an acquaintance) and until you hear their side of their Now all of those assumptions may not be separate. The human brain works story you should really, really be careful with your subconscious and man- so fast that the above points could all be one simultaneous and (now here’s age your perceptions. And notice I did not erase our original perceptions, the key) subconscious thought. You could think (and probably will think) all of I just altered them and qualifi ed them; to deny your subconscious is to lie the above without realizing it a matter of milliseconds after seeing the man. to yourself—to alter your subconscious is to improve yourself. Now I used Now some people will tell you that this is wrong and even sinful. I’m not going a homeless person as an example because it is the easiest example. We to go that far. It is perfectly natural for the human subconscious to come up all (for better or worse) generally have the same subconscious percep- with assumptions based on the environment it is presented with. It is not sinful tions of homeless people. The perceptions are easy to recognize and easy to think these things. They pop into your head before you even have a mo- to change because they are so different from the perceptions we have in ment to inspect them. However, it is negligent, lazy and perhaps even sinful regards to people we meet every day. The perceptions/assumptions that to remain with these subconscious assumptions after you have a chance to are truly diffi cult to detect are the ones we constantly make about people we examine them. often see. As humans we are wired to interpret our environment and everything For example, some of you see me or Peter in the halls of Tyndale. Now at a speed that our rational capabilities cannot even keep up with. However, assuming you all think like humans, you all naturally come to certain as- when those rational capabilities do catch up we have a responsibility to use sumptions about our characters, backgrounds, economic groups, morality, them. ‘Do unto others’ is an all encompassing command. You wouldn’t want etc. by what you have seen and what you have heard. Perhaps your per- someone assuming the worst of you because of how you looked on a particu- ceptions about me have even changed over the course of reading this ar- lar day or even how you acted in an isolated situation. So you are basically ticle. Now whatever your perceptions are, and whatever they are based on, commanded to give people ‘the benefi t of the doubt’. If you examine the New whether you think I’m an angel or the prince of darkness they are wrong. Testament carefully the benefi t of the doubt falls in line with the spirit of mercy Perceptions are not reality and accepting that as a fact is key. The person and love that Christ is trying to cultivate in his followers. Also, ‘the benefi t of you think I am is never the person I actually am. The problem is, with the the doubt’ is exactly the opposite attitude of the Pharisees towards “sinners”. people you see every day, your perceptions of them are so closely tied to They do not give anyone the benefi t of the doubt. Unless you want to be a who you believe they actually are that you begin to stop analyzing and dif- Pharisee, give people the benefi t of the doubt. So what exactly does this entail ferentiating them. You believe you know a person because of several things when it comes to our instinctual and rapidly produced perceptions? they did or because of seeing ‘their type’ before. The fact is it takes a long What this entails is a militant, excruciating and constant examination time to get to know someone. Any happily-married older couple will tell you of your perceptions. When you think something of someone ask why and that it takes a lifetime to get to know someone. Humans are dynamic be- then ask why again, etc. For example: If you hate someone named Bob ask ings. Whenever we are static we rot, or grow fat and uninteresting (like I did yourself: “Why do I hate him?” If your answer is: “Bob’s a jerk.” Ask: “Why do I over the holidays). People are either getting better or getting worse. There- think he’s a jerk?” And continue downwards until you can fi nd the exact sub- fore your perceptions must be dynamic and fl exible. You must be willing conscious reason for your hatred towards Bob. If you come to a question like: to give them up or improve upon them. You must be constantly examining “Why do I think Bob’s a jerk?” And the best answer you can come up with is: them incisively. To do so is not only kind, loving, and wise but it is your duty “Because he is.” Then he could possibly be a jerk but you most certainly are. as a Christian; anything else is just laziness and Satan. If you can fi nd no good reason for disliking someone then you have to admit Let us all try to be more active in examining our perceptions in 2011. You that it is an irrational construction of your perceptions. You have to discard it or may just make a couple new friends because of it.  123 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 roboticromancing.blogspot.com

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Futurish-tic

The superhighway is busy mainly because it’s cluttered with information about Twilight and incoherent ramblings about double rainbows. Do we ever take the time to realize how much the world has changed since the internet began? I thought I would take a mo- ment and explain the difference the internet has made in the lives of many of us. Please enjoy Contents 1. Pirates 2. Scholars 3. Singles 4. Socialites The robot is from the future Pirates The Pirate of the Past Master sailors, skilled in all manor of weaponry with a fl are for the game we call “hide and seek” the pirate of the past was a noble calling. Though often cast as villains recent fi lms have shown us that this line between good and evil, pirate and hero, is questionable at best. Treasure and a fi ne woman were the marks of a successful plunder and a good voyage. Known for their witty remarks and their fondness of the letter “R,” pirates of the past, though long gone, will always have a special place in our hearts. The Pirate of the Internet Techno-geek or friends with one, the pirate of the internet knows where to go to get free stuff (without even paying). Out on the information super highway, the pirate of the internet lurks in waiting with a torrent and snack foods that would clog even the cleanest heart. To fully understand the pirate of the internet one must refer to Veggietales who boldly claim, “We are the pirates who don’t do anything.” Scholars The Scholar of the Past Remember what books were like? And how they were written by experts? Those experts were called scholars. They were an illusive creature typically found lurking in the darker areas of the library. They wore special glasses to assist in advanced reading and robes. These robes helped maintain order in the scholarly society. What looked like random lines and colors to an outsider was an intricate code system which I believe originated from famous coder Da Vinci (known for his popular book series The Berenstain Bears) You can still fi nd Scholars lurking in the deeper parts of libraries or at the front of some of our favorite classes. The Scholar of the Internet Today to be a scholar, all you need is access to the internet and a log in id at Wikipedia. Then you join the thousands of people adding information to the world. That’s it! No time spent studying, working, reading, or fact checking. Even clever teenagers given enough time and creativity can adequately inform us about Abe Lincoln’s love affair with the game Clue or how Mandy Patinkin was not an expert fencer but became one for the movie “the Princess Bride.” If Wikipedia’s attempt to put all knowledge on one website is too broad for you, you can specialize your scholarship by fi nding other cleverly titled “pedias” such as Wookie-pedia, Coserva-pedia and the less popular ThingsThat- StartWithTheLetterK-pedia. For more information on this subject, I suggest reading a book… but let’s face it, no one reads books anymore. Singles The Single of the Past* Loneliness was and is the scourge of society. If you weren’t dating someone or married you were half-human at best. This is why there is very little information on those who were single in the past. As far as I can tell, they were kept in stocks and subject to ridicule until they hooked up with another single person. However, that rarely happened – the stocks were organized by gender and kept far from each other. It was a sad existence. The Single of the Internet* Loneliness was and is the scourge of society. If you aren’t dating someone or married you are half-human at best. However thanks to match.com there is far too much information on those who are single today. Thankfully single people are still kept far apart from each other but they can now meet at a safe distance via the internet! It however remains a sad existence. Socialites The Socialite of the Past There was a time that going out, meeting new people and showing off the wonderful and exciting things about you was a dignifi ed and hon- orable thing to do. These people were known for their fancy balls and their uptight attitudes around sex and scandal (except for Bruce Wayne who was known for his fancy balls and his less than uptight attitude about sex and his propensity for scandal). It was a time of monocles and tiaras. It was a time of champagne kisses and caviar dreams. It was, as you can imagine, terribly boring. But being a socialite was like being a king or a queen. Known by all, invited to many parties, but completely useless in society today. The Socialite of the Internet Facebook has revolutionized the social scene and moved it all to the internet. To be a socialite now is to raise the number of friends you have listed on facebook while periodically weeding out the people who would not generally be called friends. If you can somehow do this and maintain a high number of friends, you win! Thankfully now being friends with someone is loosely defi ned by Wikipedia as “being able to like the statement that one makes in their status, the comments on another’s wall or the informative result of a personal survey (eg. Which Twilight character are you? How long can you survive a Zombie attack? or which color of underwear best describes your intelligence?)”**

Well there you have it! As you can see because of technology, like the internet, we are become a more advanced civilization. We are revolutionizing our time, our lives and our very being. I can only imagine what the future holds for mankind. Humanity was birthed with such promise we sit poised on the edge of destiny so take hold of your future and update your status.

* The author would like to note that he has added a post in the missed connections… Ladies? Any takers?

**My results: Jasper Hale, 3 Seconds and Blue...

-P. Sutherland 123 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Technology: A Necessary Evil? Deborah-Ruth Ferber

article-canon25.doc

We live in a technological spider web characterized by T.V.s, Blackberries, MP3 Players, and the internet. We live in a time and space where our morals, integrity, and values are heavily infl uenced by commercials and ads. We have so much high speed information right at our fi ngertips just by typing in a single key word on Google. Our lifestyle has rapidly turned into a “three minute culture” which consists of surfi ng millions of websites at once at of boredom and a sense of wanting excitement. Never before have we been able to text our friends, listen to music, write a wall post, and talk on MSN all at the same time. Then again, never before have we found such delight in the unfortunate events of someone else’s life who we don’t even know. On top of all that, the internet is constantly drawing us away from reality by bombarding us with images on how we should look, feel, think, and act. Technology has long been a topic of controversy and some people look at its merits with very sceptical eyes because they see it as a form of entrapment leading us along the path of sin. Their argument does hold some weight. Our generation grew up with the computer and so our whole understanding of life is characterized by it. The widespread use of the internet has rendered once valuable skills such as penman- ship and mailing letters obsolete and has shaped the way we form our identity. Not to mention the fact that 30 years ago no one got in trouble for something they carelessly wrote on facebook, and everyone had to confront people face-to-face. Technology has produced a few serious problems. Due to the widespread use of iPods and MP3s we have forgotten what silence is. Good friends should feel comfortable with each other even when no words are exchanged, but instead we just fi nd silence awkward and feel the urge to fi ll the gap with jokes or mean- ingless words. Facebook also provides us with a host of problems. It determines who’s in and who’s out, and people without facebook are seen as an “inconvenience”. Sometimes they are even left out of social events. Facebook also provides us with the opportunity to be more popular than we really are by having “friends” who we never even talk to. It also gives us the chance to procrastinate when we should be writing papers. And then there’s my favourite technological peeve – texting right in the middle of a genuine din- ner conversation or in church, and having the person tell you that they are still listening to you. If that’s the case, they should be looking you in the eye and focusing solely on what you are saying. Having said all of this, technology has also provided us with a lot of unique opportunities. The internet has provided us with quick and easy access to a wide range of topics, and it’s also given us different venues for ministry and evangelization through a whole host of media. Facebook and other social networks are also great tools for connecting with old friends, staying in touch with current friends, and making new ones. Some of us might even meet our future spouse online! And who doesn’t get a laugh out of hearing their roommate play the same song at the exact same time that you are listening to it on youtube without either one of you knowing it? Technology, like anything else, is a device that can be used for good or evil. The internet itself is not a bad thing, but it can easily turn into that if we allow our minds and temptations to go wild. If we choose to hon- our God in all ways, include when we are online, though, we may begin to understand that there is a point to this whole technological maze. It is through embracing this that we are able to continue to develop our understanding of what it means to be a Christian in this day and age.

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Moronic Editors FrameWork - Ben Household Forget Key Article SECTION 4 It’s been revealed that during the editing The CosMos, in orbit over Flanders’ Planet (Spica System), of the last issue of the Canon25 the crack Earth Year 2030 team of people who apparently “make it The Senate Tower exited A-Space through a glyph identical to the happen” forgot a key piece of Canon writ- one that appeared over Centra. Moved by the impeccable piloting of the ing. The popular serial “FrameWork” by Ben governing intelligence, Alundra Djinn, the Tower glided silently through the Household was left on the digital editing skies over the torn world of Flanders’ Planet. fl oor. Mark, Peter and Pat refused to comment Long ago, during a civil war between the Royal Galactic Dominion to the crowds of reporters swarming their and the separatist Yri Principality, the fi nal battle had taken place over the offi ces but later released this statement new colony of Flanders’ Planet. The Yri had discovered that the Dominion “Oops” was developing an experimental weapon on the Planet to use against the We at the Canon would like to extend our Yri homeworld. The weapon was designed to disrupt the atmosphere of a deepest apologies.  planet, using gravitic pulses, to garble any transmission and throw off the missiles the Yri specialized in. While the weapon, a bomb, was being lifted off the planet with an Allegian Super-Tanker, the Yri attacked. The battle would have been extremely devastating to the Flandra even if the worst had not happened. The Yri energy beams were carving Roll new canyons and craters across the surface of the Planet. Unfortunately, one of the beams blew right through the Super-Tanker. A computer error primed the bomb and it dropped on Flanders’ Planet. The bomb hit around a thousand kilometers away from the capital of Flanders’ Planet, and in the resulting explosion, the city was completely beledforth.wordpress.com/ annihilated. However, that was the least of the effects. The bomb began to - Aisling Turtle distort the atmosphere, but in an absolutely horrible way. The atmosphere daltonholloway.wordpress.com/ actually began to ‘open’. Massive gaping holes appeared in the skies, - Dalton Holloway bringing the cold void of space down with them. Everywhere the void larsandtherealworld.blogspot.com/ touched was destroyed. Cities and towns were frozen solid, lakes and riv- - Larissa Benfey ers were removed, mountains were leveled and every living thing that was lenarigby.blogspot.com/ hit by a void was instantly asphyxiated. - Lena Rigby Needless to say, the Dominion immediately destroyed every copy of fyodorlewis.blogspot.com the plans for the bomb and all of the bombs themselves were dropped into – Mark Fisk the Truinia Black Hole. The Yri immediately surrendered after seeing it and roboticromancing.blogspot.com the Dominion accommodated their requests. – Steve Coupland The only reason the Senate Tower had run to Flander’s Planet willkinchlea.com/blog/ was that no one would ever expect the government of the Dominion to go - Will Kinchlea there. It was the safest place in the Universe for them. jorahlindsay.tumblr.com/ The Tower approached the still-ragged atmosphere of the Planet - Jordyn Wilson and entered it to land next to a massive golden citadel, the single structure jo-gillian.tumblr.com/ to survive the “Void Bomb”.  - Joanna Gorres dreamerartistbeloved.tumblr.com/ - Rachel Machnik Do you have a blog? Do you want to promote it here? politicsofthecrossresurrected.blogspot.com - Dr. Craig Carter Send in your blog and your name to [email protected] 123 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

It’s So Easy to Stumble on the Internet By Luke Teeninga

The Internet contains a wealth of information

Everyone knows that. If you want to share personal information, there's gmail, hotmail, facebook, myspace, twitter, and a host of other websites to help you accom- plish that. If you want to fi nd well packaged information on a very large number of topics, we have Wikipedia. You- Tube is there if you prefer your information to come at you in an audio-visual sort of way, and if you're not sure where to start, there's always good old Google. But what if you don't know what you want to look for at all!? What are you going to do then? The Internet has you covered! With StumbleUpon.com, a single click of a button takes you to any random page on the entire world wide web. One minute you could be laughing at a hilarious picture, the next you may be utterly enthralled by a news article about a guy who survived getting stabbed in the head with a butcher knife. And it’s relatively safe. You fi ll in

your interests beforehand so you will never get anything totally unrelated to one of them. That in mind, there are a lot of web pages out there, and if you spend as much time stumbling as I do, you're bound to get Spyware eventually. Oh, and I do spend a lot of time stumbling... One of my favourite pastimes is fi nding awesome stuff on the internet to show my housemates. They really appreciate it. I've shown them jokes, interesting facts, videos of cool magic tricks... oh and did you know that the Dodge Viper logo upside down is Daffy Duck? StumbleUpon.com has replaced television for me. I admit I have sat down at my computer at 6 PM, with the honest intention of being productive, I hit the magic “Stumble” button and the next thing I know, its 1 AM and I'm looking at Lolcats. But I can justify it. I'm learning right? My head is so full of awesome – albeit useless – trivia (some of which is accurate) that I've been given the nickname Lukipedia. n So, would I recommend StumbleUpon to you? Well, how much time do you got?  The Web By Mark Fisk Nearsighted hunchbacks dimly pass the time So hunching to their screens they keep their watch Watching the victories and failures of As all around them the void thickens in Liquid crystal denizens. Watching all Its emptiness. Rampant webs from purblind Across the meaningless distances spanned Spinners indiscriminately catch prey By gold fi laments and fi ber optics. Whether bright-eyed youth or graying matrons, Distances are eliminated while Intellectual or professional, Voids greater and lasting fi ll their spaces. All the quick will become mere spectators The crisscrossing wires wrap around the globe Within the spreading demon-weave dragnets. And trap the earthbound daughters and sons of The quick and the dead will be diffi cult Spiders who spun too much web to escape. To distinguish in the encompassing As if leaving was on their minds – eyes Torpor. “As it should be!” says our fey foe, That cannot see through fl imsy manmade screens “For my victory is achieved when great Cannot dream of higher and further things. And small children of men do naught but lie.” Ostrich By Lena Rigby To those who subscribe to fl uffy, fl owery, rose coloured faith: You're fooling yourself. Because really, Utterly, totally, fooling yourself. the refi ning is painful and challenging, and long. If you think sanctifi cation is fun And the offering up then there's no work being done, of a life you think is yours, and if you think surrender is easy is to die to yourself, then you're just holding back. every morning, afternoon, and night.

To those who subscribe to a surface level, mushy gushy faith: wake up. Get your head out of the proverbial sand, and wake up. 123 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Ballyconnor Campus / Bayview Campus / Bestview Park / Lauraleaf Plaza Right Through You MissedConnections I see right through your personality swagger so fl y got you disregarding gravity Date:2011-1-11, 8:39pm EDT and because of all the people that you stepped on you gotta walk around pretending that you got a Tefl on Urgh: What if I told you it was more than friends? Did you even think about me over the holidays? Me: words can’t explain, You: killing me softly. Big pimpin, and liquor till your sick of it forgetting you and your brothers used to share Booky: I met you in the bookstore... (I hope to fi nish that sentence soon.) the same deodorant "All I do is win win win" your new anthem GSkinner: My name is Grant Skinner. I am looking for a wife. Talk to me if you are in- and if anyone takes the leading role you got a terested. problem

Cinammon_Heart: Can we pleeeeeeeaase go out somewhere other than Lauraleaf Plaza!? Sor- you pretend to be a thug and a gangster ry! I just needed to vent! memorizing cliché terms like 5/0, kush, and wankster notcockybut…: holla atcha boy 4 gud timez but I see right through you, your scared and afraid Cxnfxsxd: Soooo I think you’re into me, but its been a long time and you haven’t really in fact you look like a little girl with nappy said anything, so I’m thinking I’d like to move on, but what iffff, right? Hurry up! Me: braids woman, You: need to be a man. The next time I see you I’m gonna call you out spoileralert: You are STILL ALWAYS talking about movies, AND STILL ALWAYS spoiling the church boy, preachers kid, stop running off your ending! PLEASE STOP!!! mouth go back to Sunday school and give respect to iwroteanarticle: you read my work... Were slightly impressed... would I impress you more God if I told you I own a cell phone? I thought so. I see right through your ray bans, you’re just a fraud canontwenty…umm…eleven: See all this blank space down here? It must mean that every- one in this school is already hooked up and on their way to telling a funny story about clothes money girls missed connections at their wedding. Or it means you lost our email address. Well, no and all the vanity in the world fear, it is [email protected], and the next canontwentyfi ve ‘missed will never amount to the love of Christ connections’ will be out sometime before Valentine’s Day. Now is the time! You never so be yourself and return to the light know what could happen… hop off the fence it’s time to pick a side but when the battle gets hot don't run and hide your either gonna participate in sin like a non believer or be willing to have people call you a bible thumper But no matter what you choose, to live right or MissedConnections is a service provided by Canon 25 to the students, staff, and residents in the Tyndale break the rules remember, It’s you I’m gonna always see right community. Please email your missed connection with your real name (not printed), screen name, and through short blurb to [email protected], subject line “MissedConnections.” Responses to because you can’t be a hypocrite, its only com- missed connections can be directed to the same address, subject line “Response to MissedConnection.” mon sense Responses will be forwarded by Canon 25 to the original sender. All communication and personal you can lie to everyone else except me, your information is kept PRIVATE and CONFIDENTIAL by Canon 25. conscience. -Andre Parris The Sobbit: A column written by local derelict intellectual T.T.C. Tolkien

And start doing something else. There was a time when you innocently rolled the dice to buy properties, but now you must enter the maturity of the house- building business. It’s the same game, just a different phase. Go and ask the Dog if she would like to form a coalition and share your properties, or beg the Car to give you a job at her hostelry on Atlantic. But don’t waste your time and money landing on your own properties – half the fun is forking over rent to that silk-stocking despot Ah, the snow – this is the season in which we be ourselves. And I don’t of an Iron, then watching him give it back to you in shame and humility. This type of mean we become the Molson Canadian commercial, as if it really is “this land that shapes interaction, over time, is more valuable to all involved than trying to convince others us.” But maybe I do mean it in that way, for there are some inescapable realities of living how cool and ironic it is that you own Connecticut. You’ll enjoy your life much better in this country and wintering in this climate – this place and time – that truly can shape laughing at other peoples’ jokes. a man. I say ‘man’ and not ‘person’ because I know nothing of women, and I have been grossly misprepared by my genetics to address the topic with any signifi cant insight. Take a very serious look at your hands and ask yourself what you’re doing, because if all you’re doing is looking at your hands, well, they might as well not exist; And then again, there are things about women I suppose I do understand. I can and you might as well be a character in a book, a fi ction in episodes, where in between observe a woman’s need to go skating with a man who can skate backwards, holding both our hero is constantly thinking of how to sell the last chapter of quirky accidents to a hands, thus doubling the relational interchange that runs uniquely through the fi ngers and wider audience. When the next deadline came, the hero submitted the same chapter palms. And remember, girls, when you became just about too old to go tobogganing? You reworked as a fl ashback. Now it is a fi ction within a fi ction, a memory within a mem- were swaddled in last year’s snowpants with your legs wrapped around some unremark- ory, the hero shaping himself, and his image replicating his image. But where is the able boy billowing downhill on a plastic rug; and while it wasn’t at all sexual, it wasn’t author? Shouldn’t he be selling the book? My astute readers already know: The author void of eroticism either – some unmeditated venial iniquity, forgiven without need of ask- defected long ago, just after his pubescent hormones wore off, and, no longer know- ing. Many of my pathetic peers who continue to go tobogganing in their twenties pretend ing what to feel, jumped into the fi ction, killing his original hero, the good Canadian to feel the same way now, but it is impossible – once the virgin knot is rent it cannot be kid, replacing himself with himself, assuming that role in the narrative, and becoming resewn, and no twenty-something can be so ingénue. a self-salesman. But it was a mistake to think he had changed for the worse; unfor- tunately, that’s what sparked the self-fulfi lling prophecy. And as it stands, no one has I mean, simply, that time doesn’t fi t in a bottle. And by that we can infer that seen the full manuscript and anyone who has seen part of it doesn’t give a damn. It it also doesn’t fi t into a ninja turtles lunchbox, even if you still have the thermos. Your remains closed on library shelves, the cover bearing dusty residuals of disappointed childhood exists in two places – your memories and the memories of a few others. With- fi ngerprints. out memories, pictures can only speak a hundred words, and without imagination they can’t put together a single sentence. “All children, except one, grow up” – and you’re not It seems inappropriate to end there, but maybe that’s where it does. him. To quote the words of his nemesis, “stop pretending.” Our next issue is called the 'Love' issue. We affectionally refer to it as the 'Love' issue. That's the creative power of canontwentyfive.

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