This is a Book of Wisdom by Truth Telling, Inspirational Women on a Journey of Discovery We don’t have to rely on the world’s guesses and opinions. in Lockhart Prison We didn’t learn this by reading books or going to school;
we learned it from God, who taught us person to person through Jesus, and we’re passing it on to you in the same
firsthand, personal way.
1st Corinthians 2:12/13
(The Message Bible)
artwork by Diana Ross
Truth Be Told Proudly Presents artwork by Truth Be Told Fall, 2008 Celest Blair P.O. Box 500112 Talk to Me: Discovery Austin, TX 78750 Level 2 Graduates Owning Our Many Selves Page 2 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 35
A Montage of Many Selves (continued) TABLE OF CONTENTS I fight not to become an inmate. I tell myself this is not my world. Me, My Se lves and I by Amy Brown 3 I refuse to conform. I am treading water in a strong sea, trying to Letter fro m the Woman I Become by Angela Fewell 4 stay afloat. If I sink I will conform to this life style. The water Some of M y Many Selves by Arianna Ortiz 5 will envelop me. I will become one of the nameless thousands. I will become 1388754. Letter from an Older and Wiser Me by Asha Parks 7
Life by Ashley Villareal 8 Self scramble for breakfast (continued from page 29)
My Many S elves by Candace Grams 9 and Mama and now Grandmama ... these and every friend and every Many Selv es by Cara Rice 10 woman in prison who you have taken into your heart are gifts from God to be CHERISHED. Letter fro m Cathy to “Cat” by Cathy Bucek 11
The Door Nailed Shut by Windy Christ 12 You don't have to choose. You don't have to decide. You only have to I Saw You Today by Celest Blair 13 live one hour, one day at a time, hand in hand with the One who Two Poem s by Chrysanthemum “Chrisy” Castillo 14 created and gives this life to you. The Many Me’s by Connie Stokes 15 You get to listen daily – and go like a child holding hands with your beloveds, skipping along and doing what you have loved to do since One of My Selves by Constance Davis 16 birth ... sharing your life with them. God will make you useful and Outer Shell by Crystal Perez 17 his will WILL be done ... if you stay out of the arranging and See Me by Cynthia Shelly 18 controlling business. Just enjoy the abundant life, dingbat – don't My Many Selves by Darlene Real 19 WORRY so!!!"
Chrysalis by Diana Ross 20 My meek and relieved Self says: "Oh, thank you for that reminder. I Masks... by Elizabeth Hampton 21 can Mind My Own Business and turn everything that I'm worried I Am Very Emotional by Janette Buck 22 about over to my Higher Power. Right? Description of Many Selves by Kelly Ann Poe 23 And My Wise Older Self says, "Yes, dear. You have worried enough It’s All About Change! by LaDonna Smith 24 for 2 lifetimes already – now it's your turn to just BE YOURSELF
Embarrassed for My Wrong Choices by LaSandra Williams 25 and watch what happens next!"
My Many Selves by Lisa Lowery 26 The weather forecast (continued from page 33) The Journey by Mary Gifford 27 ~Evacuate Life Threatening: My full potential has finally hit. This Colored With Self by Mary Strickland 28 is Ugly – Violent and Hurtful. Tearful faces question Mother Nature's Anger. They as well as I don't understand why this Self Scramble for Breakfast by Nathalie Sorrell, Facilitator 29 happens. A temple so beautiful is destroyed and nothing lives but The Last Polar Bear by Peggy Lamb, Facilitator 30 sand and cracked shells – maybe a dead body or Someone curled up Many Selves by Rosalva Guzman 31 in a fetus position begging for God's Only help. Shelby’s Selves by Shelby Shannon 32 These are my many faces. I still have yet to discover my full The Weather Forecast by Stefany Compos 33 potential. But with God's precious hand, I'm guided and loved through A Montage of Many Selves by Tommye Woods 34 each step of Life. 11/5/08
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A MONTAGE OF MANY SELVES ME, MY SELVES AND I by by Tommye Woods Amy Brown
There is the baby sister side of me who is absolutely spoiled rotten I have many me’s inside. So many I can only begin to tell you about a from be ing lavishly showered with love and attention. My siblings few. Some me’s I don’t understand myself. used to call me Weemee Wimey. I even had a song they made for me: The Original me is someone’s granddaughter, daughter. Someone’s sister and mom. This part of me is very loveable and wants to Weemee Wimey – Weemee Wimey achieve many goals. My name is Amy. gets some kisses on her hiney Another part of me is from the Hood who walks pretending like I’m Of cour se I would twist my butt back and forth in rhythm with the so hard and don’t have love for no one. But I really have lots of love. song. My name is Aliza.
No matt er how old I get, I will always be the baby of the family. Then I have a spoiled self inside of me where I know I’m going to The dow nside of that is: My family always treating me like a baby. get whatever I want and I love a little too much. That part of me is Protecti ng me – ordering me around and not acknowledging the fact called Za! – I'm gr own. That I lack spiritual maturity and it is their job to teach me or really just do things for me – so the baby sister side of me was left not really knowing who will take care of me after the death of my husband.
There is the manipulator side of me. I kinda see how she developed from the baby. She is I guess the teenager part of me. The one who grew up spoiled so now I hate the word NO – and quite frankly feel like the rules and laws of the state or the rest of the world don't really apply to me. People need to understand I am special and if you tell me NO then I will just figure out a way to get what I want anyway. I do this by understanding who you are, and use that to my advantage.
I am the fighter. I will fight anything. I fight injustices and I fight stupidity – I fight darkness. I fight myself. I struggle. I swing my balled up fists through the air with deadly accuracy and intent and strike nothing. I struggle to find my recovery. I struggle and fight artwork by to find balance. I struggle for answers. Why? Why? Why? Stefany Campos Page 4 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 33
THE WEATHER FORECAST: AS SEEN THROUGH MY EYES LET TER FROM THE WOMAN I BECOME by Stefany Compos by Angela Fewell ~Beautiful yet Calming: although with the Shift of Nature I easily zoom towards a full capacity Category 5 Hurricane. My child , Let's take a look at what Can be ahead. You hav e grown into an amazing woman. You have had some trials, but you will come through them a wiser and stronger person. You ~Sunny: Attitude of Gratitude. I'm thankful for each breath which have star ted to overcome some of the hurts you kept inside for so gives me Life. My eye is creative, therefore I focus Only on the long. It is now time to let them go, and start a new life full of goodness God Created. I love and am Loved, I invite angels into my happine ss and joy. Space Who message my heart with compassion and peace.
You nee d to let go of the anger you use to keep people away. Let ~Sunny, Partly Cloudy: Slowly I've turned into a Category 2 Life of them in and stop being afraid to let others inside your head. You're the party ... Maybe? Spunky? That's what the guy next to me said. got so m uch to offer others. Be proud of yourself and don't be Not only do I laugh – but I overindulge in Life's Sexual pleasures. looking down upon yourself. To some I'm threatening, but hey, that's your Insecurities. A wrong turn and things could start to Collapse. Your life ahead is just the beginning. Spread your wings and fly now. Let your spirituality blossom inside of you. ~Windy with Rain Clouds up Ahead: Ummm... Something's in the way. The wind is strong, and clouds surface my innermost being. A Realize yesterday is gone, tomorrow can't be predicted, so live for Situation has me Sad. Maybe the thought of last time, or family. today! Live for the glory of God and everything else will fall into When the forecast reads Category 3 no telling what could happen. place. One minute I'm depressed and don't want to be bothered. The next thing we know is anything or anyone in My way could be or will be Pray my child and he will hear! Damaged. A Category 4 is In the Making.
The Woman You are Becoming ~Danger. Thunderstorms up Ahead with winds in the high 80s and 90s: It's almost too late. Things have gone from good to worst in less than 5 minutes. The Winds are knocking things, people and mostly Myself down. (But I don't even know this until the damage is done.) Tons of debris slashes, burns, tears and rips homes, souls and families, as I (manic and blank) destroy the dreams and hopes of anyone in my way. But the worse is yet to come. (cont’d p35) Page 32 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 5
SOME OF MY MANY SELVES by SHELBY'S SELVES Arianna Ortiz
by One of my selves longs to be a devoted Mother that corrected all mistakes she's made with her son. She goes to the football games, Shelby Shannon and is the listening ear, and shoulder for her son to lean on. She and him have an open communication; they talk easily and laugh I am sof t and feminine and I have not had the pleasure to really freely. They have used the painful experiences of their past to ever ex perience life! I don't get to come out very often if ever! grow. Because when I do, my emotions guide me through. I think with my heart an d not with my head. I am Shaunna the woman-lover, friend, Another of my selves is a Sexual Diva. She is glamorous, and is fixer, th inker and protector. I thought my skills would always be insatiable. She craves to be the object of men's desire and sought a fter, but it seems I was wrong because nobody needs me!! women's too for that matter. She prefers to be overtaken- ravished with her lover's desire and want. Victoria is my name. I am 32. I think all of us are 32. It is strange though, because we are all the same age but I am still the baby, Then there is the self named Carmen. She is a sucker for "love" and vulnerab le, alone, needing lots of love and attention! I need to be she puts up with a lot of BS. She is co-dependent. hugged, kissed, loved. I need cuddles and those few secret moments of intimacy. I need constant reminders that I am needed, There is the self that hungers for the things of God. She prays for important and loved. I can't remember a time in my life when I was her son constantly and for others as well. She is ever-conscious of given any of those things and the feelings were real. her Creator, of her Savior and the wonderful work He has done in I suppose that is why I am always left behind, because I am too her life. At the same time, she is also a bit fearful of all that He is weak to take any interest in. capable of doing, and all that is yet to come. She wants to stay in fellowship with Him, to always be loved by Him and to love Him also. I am Shelby and I am in control! I don't have time for all the whining and crying, or long periods of thought. This life is like an There is a self that is learning how to make friends, and how to be a action movie and I have to save my people at all cost!!! If you can't friend. There is a self that dances like nobody's business when no keep up, I will leave you behind. one else is around. A self that loves watching scary movies and I can turn my emotions on and off like a water faucet! I can love baking chocolate desserts. There is a self that loves to go all out you and need you today right now and the next day be totally fine for Halloween and is a very competitive soccer player. without you, or so I think. Nobody has ever protected Shelby (me), I have always protected us. I have always protected us because no- One of my selves likes to read good books, and sleep late! One of one else can handle the job! my selves likes to hear a good joke and thinks that Bernie Mac was
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MANY SELVES Some of My Many Selves (continued) by the grea test. One of my selves is a gangsta girl, while yet another Rosalva Guzman is a squar e ;-) I have three different selves…… But all o f these selves are the greatest, some stronger than others, some mo re positive then negative. They are a love self, a momma’s girl self and a fun self.
My love self just wants to be loved and give lots of love so that sometimes I go out of the way to please my man or my best friend, then I expect that love in return and if I don’t get it back in return it hurts my feeling and makes me mad.
My momma’s girl self always wants to go to my mother for anything and everything and always gets the love that my loving self needs.
It seems like whenever everything is better, all of a sudden ......
My fun self wants to come out. And when it comes out sometimes it gets me in to deep trouble. I get out of control and now I have to get my many selves in check because Momma can’t always get me out of it.
The Last Polar Bear (continued)
I dance with the polar bear Across the verdant veldt I see in his eyes that he knows
In a thousand years Eskimos will not remember the word for snow And the ocean will reach the top of the cliff I flew from My bones living in ocean spray artwork by Candace Gram Page 30 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 7
THE LAST POLAR BEAR by LETTER FROM AN OLDER AND WISER ME Peggy Lamb, Facilitator by My poet self often has the courage to express the self in me that Asha Parks
contains despair – my wandering, lost self that I hide ……………….. Dear Baby Girl, Aran Islands Cliff I watch the green Atlantic Ocean I would like for you to know and understand a few things about the Smash against rocks with stories to tell events and decisions you're about to go through and make. Please, baby girl, always know that you are worth more than all the cars and I think of polar bears in South Africa clothes out there – yes, even the Gucci and Prada! Always love Giraffes in Iceland yourself especially when it seems like no one else does. Nuclear power plants reproducing Mom, Dad and Sharon do love you with all of their heart and will be A butterfly lands on my left shoulder there for you at the drop of a dime, but don't ever try to use or “Hello Whisper” I murmur fool them, because they know what you're doing. They have been Jake, the golden retriever, lies down at my feet there too! Licks the salt from my bare, unshaven legs I step out of my clothes and off the cliff Dad and Sharon know what they are talking about when they tell you Watch my grief soaked body smash to do or not do something – please listen, please! They will let you Against those rocks go do whatever you want once you turn 18, but please stay with them Joining the sea now. They need you and you need them! Y'all will keep each other intact. In an instant I am over Antarctica Watching the Ross Ice Shelf melt Robert loves you with all his heart, so please don't leave him and go I blow frozen air upon it back to Houston! It will be one of the worst decisions you could Gust after gust make. Let your feelings out when the feelings come ... don't bottle Trillions of icy breaths up your anger. Your temper will lead you to prison. But the shrouded figure still walks the melting glacier Love, I wander the plains, hills, valleys and tundra of my lost habitat Your Older and Wiser Asha
Brother, lover, father I could ask for faith but am out of breath
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SELF SCRAMBLE FOR BREAKFAST by LIFE Nathalie Sorrell, Facilitator
by The Truth Be Told Founder Me runs to hide under the bed .... it's scary outside – the financial world is in confusion and despair and Ashley Villareal suddenly we have to make terrible decisions, people will lose their jobs and how will we exist without their help? How will they exist I never realized just how beautiful life was. without our funding? I was always caught up in fear, trouble, trying to figure other people out The Volunteer Facilitator Me plans to walk confidently, joyously, except myself. into prison alongside other volunteer facilitators like Charlie's I now know that life is beautiful! angels or genuine Princess Warriors, afraid of nothing, ready to I am a spiritual being full of air and living organs. disarm grouchy officers with grins, or win wardens with the power To be a family and fellowship with one another and to love, of our poise just so we can get into the classrooms where the REAL to be a virtuous woman for the Lord is what I say is important. communal creativity is going to re-fill us ALL with the juiciness of Proverbs 31 helps me out a lot. the LIFE Adventure. To raise my kids spiritually is beautiful to me. Yet stop in between all this and meditate on God's creation The Mama who has become a Grandmama hears that tiny boy cry all over the world. over the telephone and her heart flies away to San Francisco and This is what I see life to be. wonders "How can I endure this for 2 more months before they move here? And how will I balance my work for Truth Be Told with Love always, my heart-work of Mothering and Grandmothering and Daughtering for the years to come???" Ashley Villareal My Wife Self says "You've been doing it for years already. You can
balance your personal life with your work life by keeping in VERY CLOSE TOUCH with your quiet times, listening for guidance and not allowing your family's desires to become more important than what you were born to do" and then, interrupting her speech,
My always seeking-and-finding Spiritual Self says "Wait a minute, though, haven't you turned your life over to God already? He gave you your husband – he gave you your children and he allowed your birth into this family where you are daughter and sister and aunt (cont’d p35) Page 28 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 9
MY MANY SELVES
COLORED WITH SELF by Candace Grams
by I have a daughter self that is still a little girl running around in Mary Strickland pigtails. She is Momma's little girl no matter how old she gets. She
still wants to run around and have fun, feel the absolute sense of
security and protection that can only come from her Mom's arms, 1. I am g old self – I Love Jesus and follow the Bible for direction. I and can be completely silenced with just one look for her mother. sing pra ises and am full of joy, love and peace. I have a wife self that is as hopelessly in love with her husband as
she was 17 years ago. She love the way he aggravates her. All those 2. I am geen self – I love to prosper. I want to grow in abundance in things he does that she says irritate her, she really loves. And all thing s material. I want to have as much or more than you and all truth be told, they make her love him that much more. She feels cost is f or me. completely at ease and protected with him... a feeling that only
comes from knowing each other so well. She feels the absolute love 3. I am blue – I live to complain. I find nothing suitable. I loathe when she looks into her husband's eyes. the day and I cry – poor me, poor me. I drain you of strength, over and ove r. I have a mother self that love her children. She is nurturing and 4. I am black – I see no hope. I fear time and I block out the world. proud. She is very protective, a little too protective at times, but I create doom inside me and I sink deeper and deeper into that's okay. She gets tired sometimes from running around making depression. sure everyone gets to all the places and activities they have, but wouldn't trade it for anything, especially when she hears "Thanks 5. I am red – I am sizzling and alive, dancing, drinking and having Mom" or "I love you, Mom." fun. I like bright lights and happy people. There are no rules or boundaries – free. I have a trusting self. She always believes the best about everybody and always looks for the good in everyone. She is too trusting at 6. I am white – I am quiet and calm. I strive for perfection. I watch times. my words. I live proper. I exercise and eat healthy. I lose sight of others and obsess on me. I have a negative self that sometimes has a hard time believing anything good is going to happen. She has a hard time seeing the glass as half full.
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MANY SELVES
by THE JOURNEY Cara Rice
by Six year old me seeks approval from my parents at whatever the Mary Gifford cost.
My journey has brought me to a ledge. Twenty-six year old me argues with the younger because I want to I can only feel my way ahead. be me. On one side are swirls of cool mist,
Clouds of unknowing. Indecisive me says, “it’s whatever” to anything and everything just On the other side are the cliffs of solid rock. to avoid conflict. And is so afraid of rejection that she has lost all opinion. I edge forward to an Unknown.
There is no turning back. The pageant queen is prideful and spoiled. She has an opinion about My strength comes from within - a vibrant energy that says everything and generally looks down on others. "yes" and propels me forward.
The sensual woman has gone on an indefinite vacation. She is afraid But first, wait! Don't hurry. Savor this moment. of being discovered and abused again. In this place of stillness, there is no fear.
There is no loneliness, only a blessed solitude, There is a wife who no longer trusts men but wants to be loved and a faith beyond hope. cherished. This is a blessed moment but not yet
complete. The mother in me weeps all day for longing and prays she is doing the right thing. Slowly, I move forward.
Deep within I know I am looking for You and you. The Christian seeks God with all her heart but struggles daily to I am incomplete without your being, your gaze, have active faith. your story, your "yes" to life.
I, too, have this fire of love within. I am a woman with many selves and the unsure-about-me self, the Alone it will consume itself. In your presence it glows like the indecisive, broken self, has made this assignment very difficult. The hearth coals articulate confident self checked out on this one and I am feeling with warmth, comfort, joy and peace. very vulnerable at the moment.
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LETTER FROM CATHY TO "CAT" by MY MANY SELVES Cathy Bucek Cat Hi!
by I am writing to let you know that you are not alone anymore. And that you are very much loved by God and me. May God keep you Lisa Lowery safe on your journey, and you know He has because I am with you now. I feel in tune with some of my Selves. You know I believe that someone had to have prayed for me and you, because I'm where I'm at today (only by the grace of God.) My Enco urager Self tries to be the one in control, sharing time with I know what you have been enduring all your years. I'm so sorry. I my Givin g Self. She always find ways to lift everyone's spirits (with wish those things never happened to you. I want and need you to a hug or kind words.) She always seems to put others' needs above know, it's not your fault. You are special and worthy. her own . Anytime of the day or night, no matter what, she is always I just want you to also know a little bit about things to avoid available to help. She is very empathetic, loving and caring. She and what you might do different. When you get this, please stop wears a smile for everyone, even those who do her wrong. There is drinking. I know you don't want to hear this, but it is true. Soon no end t o her compassion. you will start to not liking the taste and trying something else to numb the pain that you have been going through. Again, I love you But tha t brings out another Self that says: "Are you stupid or just and I'm here for you. gullible? These people don't care what you do or what you say – Daddy gave me a choice to come with him or stay. I thought even Jesus said 'Enough is enough!'" I wonder why this Self needs I was grown and so I stayed. Please, please, go with Daddy. If you to be accepted by everyone? What makes her feel that way? go with Daddy you won't have to go through any more bad or hard times and I believe that if I would have gone with him at that time, I have a new Self that has learned boundaries. She is a wonderful I wouldn't have smoked crack, put any more needles in my arm, went voice of reason. I only wish she would make herself seen and heard coast to coast trying every kind of crack and pot there was. Or been more often ;-) in prison, a 4-time loser, and being a prostitute for 16 years. I'm tired now. I just want to go home. This is the longest time I've ever had to do away from home, and my only love. God blessed me (us) with our 3 children and a good Christian Catholic man. He's Mexican, yes, from Mexico (Authentic!) He truly loves me, for me, and where I've been. He is so good looking, girl! No matter what you do or say, I will always be here with you, "Cat."
Love, Cathy Pichardo, 36 years old now
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EMBARRASSED FOR MY WRONG CHOICES THE DOOR NAILED SHUT by by LaSandra Williams Windy Christ I’m embarrassed because I made the wrong choice.
It has caused me three years away from my children One of my Many Selves: my parents
my siblings As I sit and listen, I hear someone saying "let me out," yelling, I’m so ashamed and helpless at this point. screaming and she even tried a gentle nudge. Nothing! My Door has No freedom always been opened, but on Dec 11, 2002 nails went flying, I'm now I can’t take a bath locked in SCARED and can't get out. The life I took lives within me have my favorite food and now I'm scared to live. or drive my car
Can’t put my children to sleep at night As I go through my daily walk behind these walls, I see so many Can’t be there for my parents women, with many faces: one way with this group and other ways I hate this prison system and my choices. with oth ers, dragging each other down. It's sad because I now have no air coming in my door.
As I shed the shame and guilt of my crime and get involved with Truth Be Told, I feel someone on the outside trying to take the nails out. I'm starting to breathe and I even see light. I'm on the other side kicking, praying, "Please forgive me" and as I grow, the nails are slowly popping out.
As a woman I do stand with confidence. I know that my nails and my door were shut for a reason, so I'm thankful for this painful part of my life. Because my door is slowly but surely opening -- for the first time in my life, I can truly BREATHE!
artwork by Cara Rice Page 24 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 13
I SAW YOU TODAY by IT'S ALL ABOUT CHANGE! Celest Blair
I saw you today by A glimpse of who you really are
LaDonna Smith Underneath your carefully constructed Mask
Cut out from the most popular magazine
We can be prisoners without ever coming to Prison. Reproduced in high octane super latex plastic
We can live in bondage that holds us down as captives, I didn’t mean to catch you off guard
like our lives in Addiction or Abuse, that makes us feel I was startled at first
trapped. It’s not my job to describe what I saw
To try to fit you in a box
It is up to us, as individuals to want to change and break the chains. I thought you’d like to know that what
And once doing so, we must make an effort: I discovered was,
The first step is admitting that we are powerless and can I love you just the same. not do it on our own. Then as we work our way through the storms of life, Our Lord, Jesus Christ will walk beside us simply calming it.
And only through him, our chains can be broken.
Set Free At Last. Thank you Jesus for blessing me with your deliverance and the renewing of my mind.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13
artwork by Celest Blair Page 14 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 23
TWO POEMS DESCRIPTION OF MANY SELVES by by Chrysanthemum "Chrisy" Castillo Kelly Ann Poe A Beautiful Flower As I start to reflect on this I realize that I have so many selves: I feel the most beginning with my rejected self. She's always I was born a beautiful flower worrying if they like her, they don’t believe her, being so self- and I bloomed and bloomed through my child-hood. absorbed in this mind frame, or worrying that no one cares. O nce I got to my teen-age-hood I started drying up. Then I gave birth to five beautiful flower buds. My angry self – she comes out when I feel negative thoughts of So I star ted to come to life again along with my little flower buds. others that I feel have done me wrong. This is the self who Then dur ing my adult-hood two of my flower buds didn't blossom any sabotages and punishes me by using drugs or she seeks revenge. She more. is very brutal. I once again started drying up and got so dried up that my leaves started to fall off little by little. Then we have a very co-dependant self who has come to realize that Then on e day God decided that it wasn't my time to stop blooming her life is so out of control that she wants to manage other people. so he watered me and allowed me to bloom again. Now I hav e bloomed into a beautiful chrysanthemum and all the glory Another is my frightened self that is totally afraid of change. This and thanks goes to God!!! part of me is crippling to my spirit.
Regardless I have a most loving self that loves everyone and wants to be loved.
I was once told I wouldn't amount to anything. Then we have a Mother self who wants her children to love her so I was once told that I was a low life. much - this is the self who is so insecure. Never feels worthy, a very I was once told that I would be used and abused. (and I was) painful self. I was once told that I was too generous and kind hearted and that I would be taken for granted. (and I was) I have right now the self who is focused on a spiritual path which is I was once told that life wasn't a rose garden and I would find out the what I have wanted since I was a child…to live life without drugs or hard way. (I sure did) alcohol. Just wanting to draw closer to God and have my family But regardless of everything I went through and still go through follow with me. I am someone. I will amount to something. By realizing that I can’t change my past, I am given a chance to I am not a low life. better my very beautiful self, just wanting to love myself and keep I am no longer abused or taken for granted. going forward and help others who are still hurting. I now know that I did find out the hard way about life, I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life. but it only made me a strong woman. I will keep looking forward and shining like the star that I am. Be You Because, that’s where it’s at!
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I AM VERY EMOTIONAL THE MANY ME'S by by Janette Buck Connie Stokes
I cry to o much about good byes The Mother Me that's loving and affectionate who wants her and good things that happen to me. precious children to have a great life... I get em otional too much
and I care what people say about me. The Grandmother Me, who absolutely adores her most beautiful I am scar ed to come out grandson... because nobody will understand why I’m crying.
The Aunt Me is very excited about the new relationship she is rebuilding with her niece, who she loves and respects very much.
The Daughter Me who misses my beautiful mother, who longs to feel her touch and hear her voice ... the daughter me who loves being my daddy's puggy, his baby girl who is excited about going home and making new memories with him...
The Sister Me who desires to have her big sister back, who wants to be her baby sister again, who wants to rebuild their relationship and regain her trust...
The Baby me, who craves attention and likes to talk baby talk when she feels comfortable with her friends...
The Crazy Me who loves to shock people and make them laugh til they pee their pants...
The Sexual Me who loves to feel desired and sensual ... yum yum...
The Angry Me who loses control sometimes by acting out, screaming, cussing, and stomping and slamming things...
artwork by The Christian Me who desires to be a woman after God's heart. Kelly Poe Page 16 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 21
MASKS ... by ONE OF MY SELVES Elizabeth Hampton
by Somehow I've purposely misplaced my mirror. Perhaps because I'm afraid of what I might see. Looking at my reflection has never been Constance Davis my most favorite thing to do... so I've always just imagined what I want to look like or who (preferably free of sun-damage). I asked a reliable source what others saw and she said, "it's strength and There are many selves that make up me. I am unique and different. being positive, refusing to let others get you down." I can agree I have good, bad and down right spiteful and hateful selves as well that's a mask – it's truly not my own. as big hearted, kind and compassionate ones.
Underneath this mask, I'm weak and scared. I have felt the depths The one I admire the most is my "mother" self. She rocks. She is of despair and have been brought to my knees. Underneath, I'm my most bestest one of me, she's kind, gentle, tough, loving and critical sometimes of others – usually because I'm so critical of my determined. Well, I could go on and on about her, she contains all own self. Underneath, I'm a very loving person who is an the best of me, good and bad. independent soul, who knows there's a huge "something really
awesome, inspiring and great" that I'm still to give to the world ... a It's only when she struggles with other mes that she gets gift from someone much more powerful than me. unfocused, lost and totally unsure. For such a confident self this is not an easy task. The mask I'm afraid for you to see is the angry one that fights
bitterness towards the people she's allowed to hurt her and they Most of the time, these struggles are harmless. They only make her never apologized – not a tear shed. She's angry she didn't realize tougher – but sometimes they cause her to go against everything sooner it really was not her, but their own jealousies and she stands for. Especially my junkie self. She is so demanding of resentments and failures. Angry she won't let go ... completely. everything of all of us. Angry for being angry. I know if they apologized today I'd forgive
them -- or would I? That mask is still under construction ... but The world also loves the "mother" self of me the most. I shine there's an amazing architect on the job! because this is my most comfortable spot. With this self, I raised
4 beautiful, amazing children and have a grandchild. I have also The mask I'd like to create is strong, resilient and loving. Humorous been at the side of 100s of people young and old that just needed to and kind. Gentle and always able to imagine what it'd be like to walk be mothered. She is the one I get the most strength from. I love a step or two in "their" shoes. To be able to see life through her. other's eyes and feel the beat of the world through their hearts.
There are some times and some things that pain can do that even joy cannot.
Page 20 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 17
CHRYSALIS OUTER SHELL
by by Diana Ross Crystal Perez
Look at me, Like the butterfly, I’ve gone through a great change in life. At first the one you never see it seems as if I was a lowly worm withdrawing from the world around 'cause I'm stuck here in between me, hiding behind my addiction. all the shattered parts
of who I used to be. When I came to jail, I didn’t realize it, but it became a type of cocoon or shell. It protected me from all the influences of the The outer shell of me fits together outside world, giving me a chance to focus on just me and what I oh so perfectly, needed to do to better myself. but there's so much more to me
than what you see. Now that I have gotten involved in numerous programs and applied myself to the lessons, I am able to develop stable, rational skills and How I want to just let it all go gain a new sense of hope. and shed those tears that been needing to fall.
Feeling so weak Then my cocoon was able to crack as I began to trust again. I was but standing so tall. able to forgive myself and others through the help of the new Afraid to be seen friends I have made and the positive fellowship of those who have 'cause you might be mean. the same desire to better themselves.
So of course I've never truly allowed myself to be seen Now, with these tools and new outlook on life, I am able to share my 'cause I'm stuck here in between courage, strength and hope with others who are struggling through all the shattered parts of who their own chrysalis in life... becoming the mothers, daughters and I used to be. women of God we long to be.
Page 18 Book of Wisdom Fall, 2008 Truth Be Told Page 19
SEE ME MY MANY SELVES
by by Cynthia Shelly Darlene Real
I see a sweetness that touches my heart Sometimes I feel that I have many people living inside me – other Oh, tender creature, see me here before you times I feel very much alone. Open your heart, sharing all that is inside Lighten the shadows of the deep The mother in me is very protective and nurturing. I tell my Share the burdens of your pain. daughters I love them all the time.
The friend in me is also very protective and loyal.
The wife in me loves to be told that I am loved and needed. The wife in me is also insecure and afraid of being hurt emotionally again and again.
The daughter in me is quite complex. I did everything I could to see my Daddy smile; he was my hero. But that same daughter-me could never please my Mother. I was a constant disappointment and cause of all her anguish.
The sister in me has been put away because of the hurt and pain I've caused her. When I think about the sister-me and the daughter-me, I become the sad and depressed me who feels completely alone.
artwork by Crystal Perez