NEWSPAPER STUDENT SHOT DEAD Shit to hit the fans News Peter Burt to ON RIFLE RANGE make tea—Yech! The barbaric ritual of the Page 3 Morphy Day fight will go ahead A postgraduate student from Chelsea College was shot dead at later this year despite complaints News An end to the the College Sports Centre last Thursday at 7:30pm. from Putney residents to the NUS debate—hurray Christopher Artemiou, a 24 Artemiou was found dead, shot Rector after the vandalism by IC students after last year's Morphy Page 3 year old graduate studying arche- through the head. ology and anthropology at Police and forensic scientists Day. News ICU flouts ULU Chelsea College turned up at a were immediately called in by the Morphy Day itself is an inter- ban on freebies. Page 3 meeting of the University of Sports Centre officials. On arri- CCU boat race along the Thames London Rifle Shooting Club val they sealed off the area and starting from Putney. It is meeting and said he would be questioned people as they left. A traditional for the CCUs to fight interested in joining. The rifle post-mortem was held on for the Morphy Oar once the race to range superintendent took him Monday and the matter is being has started. This usually deger- onto the range and showed him treated as suicide. Contents of ates to a neanderthal punch-up how to fire the gun. On leaving the letters found in the deceased's with fish guts, offal and dung range to reload his rifle the pocket have not been disclosed being hurled. superintendent heard a shot and by the Police. Putney residents felt that the returned to the room. Mr event went too far last year with many having their dustbin lids stolen by IC students. A letter was sent to the Rector by the local MP David Mellor. The Rector expressed his concern to the then IC Union President Stephen Goulder who took ac- tion by making it Council policy that IC Union will not have News Gaynor Lewis, a anything to do with the event. girl with no morals The CCUs will stage the fight Page 4 this year further down the river in the hope that the rising tide will Reviews FELIX wash the Vness away. Mr Dave previews the London Parry, RCSU Vice President, has said that the CCUs will not take Film Festival Page 8 any precautions to ensure that The Baron of their members will behave them- selves on the day. Cheapskate back The pistol used in the incident, a Smith and Weston 0.41. despite popular demand Page 10 £300 to go to NUS It was decided at IC Union will comprise a member of the large number of free parties, Council on Monday night that Exec (presumably Miss Gaynor meals and drink parties she over £300 pounds of IC Union Lewis), External Affairs Officer already enjoys at the Union's money will be spent sending three Peter Burt, and one other. expense. people to the NUS conference in Mr Mike Stuart, President of Hon Sec Mr Sean Davis is also Blackpool later this year. The IC City and Guilds Union, opposed totally opposed to the sending of Union delegates will have hotel sending anyone to the conference Union delegates to the confer- accommodation, subsidised food on the grounds that Imperial ence. In an interview with FELIX and drink and numerous parties College is not a member of NUS. Mr Davis described the action as all paid for by the Union. The Mr Stuart, the only person on 'a bloody waste of Union money, cost per person is estimated at Council prepared to ask especially when we're having to Victory Mooney £65-75 plus travel expenses. awkward questions, sees the turn down many urgent claims revealed by the Sherfield The delegates to be sent will all conference as an attempt by Miss from clubs and societies for more Mole Page 10 be from IC Union Council and Lewis to increase the already money'.

No. 658 FELIX, 18 November, 1983 Free! neither are little personal digs at people who have criticised you. What happened? Did the flabby RSMU Rants pansy threaten to sue you or something? Moving onto pastures new, Dear Sit- why don't we have a few digs at As a member of RSMU 1 that paragon of cock-ups—the would like to set the record College administration and straight. As a union we are other bureaucrats. For instance getting extremely fed up with what was the real point of other groups at IC perpetuating building all that parking con- the image they think we should trol rubbish? They haven't have and promoting this trave- actually saved any money by esty with their propaganda Creepy getting rid of any labour so it campaigns. Spineless and was rather pointless to blow all : RSMU is an organisation letter that money (£10,000, £15,000 with no political leanings and without teeth whatever). Dear Pallab feels that a great deal of ICU Dear Pallab Why did they hire all that I would like to start vicious/ timers being wasted on political I just want to say how Meccano to go round Elec Eng delicious rumours about the issues which could be far better sickened I am that despite and then leave it for six weeks, reforming of the IC Social used on matters of direct having a Union that resembles a building up a massive hire Democratic Society. We offer concern to students; after all, kipper—yellow, two-faced, charge? I'll tell you: it was no pregnant secretaries, Welsh that's what the Union is for. As spineless and without teeth— specially done so that the frogs, just nice letters to Pallab a Union we don't try to impress people still can't be bothered to workmen could come in on (is that creepy enough?). our views on others, so we don't get off their bums to go to Monday 3 October and cause see why others should try to UGMs. Seriously, we hope to pro- maximum noise and inconveni- force us to conform to their The block vote tactics used mote David Owen lookalikes in ence to a maximum number of values. There is no such thing as by the Miners make the voting a College, encourage Shirley people. Our caring Sherfield the 'Mines block vote', no mockery. The fact that vacant Williams hairdos and start building strikes again. attempt is made to coerce Union posts are not sufficiently intellectual discussion on SDP Why not dig a little and people into voting for a parti- advertised makes the elections a policies—the latter will be the justify your election? cular viewpoint at UGMs but mockery. The fact that ICU easiest (and then, perhaps not). Yours faithfully what I will say is enough people sabbaticals can get away with Rumours commence, may Simon Curling care about their Union to want doing bugger all makes the claret be served. to preserve its individuality and Union a mockery and an insult Yours (The scaffolding has already cost freedom of expression. to the student body, although Conine Lander the College £700,000. There will most students don't seem to Maths 1 be a full expose soon. The full facts Finally I would like to voice mind this. are not dug up over night. -Ed) my disgust with the manner in PS: We (I) require a tall, dark, which the 'antipornography' I must admit that Ents are handsome experienced secre- vote was carried out. The usually good, particularly tary. Academic matter was handled so ineptly even* organised by the CCUs, and the meeting had degener- but ICU's laudable claim to be Affairs non-political seems to stretch to ated into such a shambles that I Dear Pallab student politics and student do not see how a fair account What Election We must confess to being representation. We need good could be obtained from the astounded by the revelation in paper ballot. representation if we are to avoid Promises? the last edition of FELIX that being trampled all over and we Yours etc the Academic Affairs Commit- need more students at UGMs to Sir Alison B Mew tee is one that 'nobody ever stop them from being fiascos What happened to the witty, and to lend weight to any cutting, satirical, invective- attends'. motions passed. laden style of editorship that This is yet another incidence A tit you promised us back at Easter? of the factual inaccuracy in Please come along to the next reporting which we have come UGM, at the very least you'll Without doubt you started off to expect from FELIX. We get a chance to make a paper on the right foot with an expose writes suggest that in future, should aeroplane. of that arrogant windbag in Student Services; what has FELIX wish to comment con- Dear Pallab Love and Kisses happened since? Headlines on structively on the workings of I was appalled to read in the J O'Shea pigeons and issues devoted the Union that reporters should UGM report in Friday's EE1 almost entirely to careers, get off their arses and venture FELIX that Neil Stewart worthy though they may be, are out of the FELIX Office into literally wiped the floor with the hardly your supposed style. the real world other speakers. Is it really Editorials on the Moonies, necessary for the NUS Presi- (Up) Yours NUS etc aren't very original, dent to use such violent means The Bad J J Claydon and J S Boucher to gain his ends? Secondly, I note that your front page headline proclaims a Guy 'Caption Competion' (sic). I'm Dear Pa/lab glad to see there's nothing half- I wonder if any of your hearted about your campaign readers have noticed the simi- to ban tits from FELIX. (I larities between Prof R R S thought I'd make an exception in Wood FRS and a certain publishing your letter-Ed.) Austrian gentleman? Perhaps, Yours sincerely by chance they are related? Martin S Taylor Yours sincerely FELIX Edtitor 1982/3 A R Warner (Surely some mistitake?-Ed.) Physics 2 An Austrian Gentleman Prof R R S Wood Page 2 I Friday, 18 November, 19831 I FELIX News Gaynor Two Ways to Get Plastered! Fooled For God's Sake Again No! Union President Miss Gaynor An overwhelming 'No' was the Lewis and the Rector Lord answer IC students gave to a Flowers may be the victims of a recent IC Union survey on NUS practical joke concerning the reaffiliation. Predictably, the threat of legal action by the aversion to reaffiliating was the recently opened Sainsburys cost of membership and NUS's supermarket. political extremism. The Rector's office received a The news for NUS wasn't all phone call from someone claim- bad however, a convincing ma- ing to be the supermarket man- jority sought further debate, ager threatening to take College although members of Coucil to court unless IC students were conspicuous by their ab- stopped removing shopping trol- absence of this group. Unity with leys from the premises. The other colleges topped the reasons Rector expressed his concern to for reaffiliation, together with a Miss Lewis and asked her to take need for a voice in material action. The RCS Beer Festival, held on Wednesday in the JCR proved to be a bargaining, highlighting the successful opener to Rag Week raising over £500 for charity. This is A worried Miss Lewis imme- sense of isolation caused by hardly surprising, since swilling large quantities of ale is one of the few diately started taking legal advice disaffilation. from the Police and the College things most IC students can be bothered to do! Despite the incentive of win- legal service. The Festival passed without any great incident, except for the arrival of ning a bottle of wine by returning However, neither the super- the Hit Squad who performed a large scale 'random hit' on anyone the questionnaire, the proportion market manager or Sainsbury's unfortunate enough to be in the way. returned was a disappointing head office have any knowledge The organiser of the Beer Festival, Gareth Fish, said that he expected 25%. of such action. The manager the final profits to be in the region of £500. suggested that perhaps the College had been the victim of a practical joke. Bot Zoo Tea: UGC to Expansion The Saga Continues Slay Sacred Delayed The campaign to get the Botany that the demonstration was to Cows? Zoology Tea Room open is being show Professor Wood the Phase One of the expansion of stepped up by Life Science strength of feeling for the re- The University Grants Commit- Union facilities to Southside is students. Next Thursday a 'Tea oping of the tea room. He hoped tee has written to the Vice- making slow progress. Work that In' will be staged where cups of that all those who enjoyed the tea Chancellors and Principals of all should have been started by the tea and coffee will Be served room in previous years would unversity intstitutions to encou- College Estates section over the between 10:00 and 11:00am. attend the demonstration. Mr age debate on the future of the summer has only now begun. Mr Peter Burt, spokesman for Burt sees this as the last attempt university system in the light of Work has begun on a weights the protesters, said to FELIX to get the tea room open. falling student numbers. It is esti- room and a central launderette in mated that between the late 1980s the basement, and the conversion and mid 1990s the number of of the old Southside refectory to a suitably qualified school leavers gym for martial arts and table ICU Flouts ULU Ban will fall by between 15% and 20% tennis. Phase One is due for due to demographic trends. The completion on 5 March 1984. Over £7,000 of University of says it is a prestigious occarion UGC is posing a series of It is hoped that there will soon London money has been spent on that will benefit IC (and herself- questions to universities about be squash courts and a sauna the presentation of honorary Ed) as all those attending will how they propose to cope with built into the old refectory. degrees to dignitories who have in meet influential people who have the drastic changes such a drop Phase Two of the plan, which some way helped the University. a say in the finance of IC. will necessitate. Miss Lewis denies the Union has The only students invited to GUC, the governing body of Areas previously considered accepted, will be the move of the attend this lush event are sabbati- ULU, have mandated their Exec untouchable are being brought Union Office to the Southside cal officers of each college and not to accept the invitations as it into question by the UGC, for Upper Lounge. ULU officials. is their opinion that the ceremony example the question of aca- Gaynor Lewis, ICU President, is unnecessary. demic tenure and the length of degree courses. Also covered in Aerosoc the 29 questions are topics such as changing the balance between Darts Spaccd-Out Sounds technological and arts subjects, The annual Aerosoc paper darts funding for research, increasing competition provided the usual Mr Desmond Briscoe, the former taperecorder and a pair of the financial contribution from variety of unpowered flying head of the BBC's Radiophonic scissors, to up to date work with non-public funds, and the rela- contraptions. Workshop lectured to a packed computer synthesisers. tionship between universities and The longest flight was 50.35 meeting of the H G Wells Society His talk was illustrated with polytechnics. Universities are seconds achieved by Mark Rest last Monday. material from the Radiophonic asked to reply by the end of using a parachute and the great- His talk spanned the history of Archive. Highlighst included the March next year, and FELIX will est range by Benjamin Fielle the Workshop, from the pioneer- Dr Who theme and extracts from be reporting on the College's whose dart sailed the entire ing days of the late fifties, when the Hitchiker's Guide to the response as soon as it is formu- length of the Quad. all the equipment available was a Galaxy, lated. FELIX mnHMBHrai Friday, 18 November, 1983 ••^•Bi Page Gaynor Union Office The Loving Couple No Morals Romeo Gaynor Lewis, Union President, Romps Home! was severely criticised for her lack of morals in the Union Office on Monday. Facing a NO MORE PASSES crowd of four members of the female public, she faced a stream FOR JOHNNY BOY !of abuse of this year's (already I heavily censored) Rag Mag. * < It seemed just like a normal bars Arriving for their appointment conference to ex-IC Union Presi- at the Union Office, the com- dent John Passmore—until he plainants received an immediate met gorgeous Kate from set back when they discovered Westfield that is! that their complaint was directed at last year's Rag Mag. And then rumours abounded in Union circles linking John's Not dismayed however, they name with Kate's. But the wily started to read this year's version, Irishman denied it all. immediately taking offence at 'Our relationship is purely- every joke. professional,' he proclaimed. They dismissed the publication But John's reputation as IC as racist, sexist and inhuman, and Union Superstud went before left shouting abuse at everyone in him. It came as no surprise when sight. he announced this week that he Carl Burgess, Editor of this and Kate were engaged to be year's Rag Mag was deeply hurt, pointing out that jokes are there married. John Passmore Sean Davis was too upset to Kate Standen to be laughed at not analysed for comment. Westfield College Pres 1982/3 IC Union Pres 1980/1 social comment.

FELIX above motion be quoted as Imperial College I'nion policy. (Said n ilh fn-oii- fell sincerity-hid.) Nicaragua Motion Again as mandated by me I f*\1 I Student Travel have written expressing the IC I iiion view to Mr Ronald Reagan, askiny him to reconsider his government isat policies on Nicaragua. ICU Bar Night 74 Old Brompton Road The ICU Bar Nighl and BBQ> on Sunday evneing. Not tonight hs w*- printed in last week's FELIX and. Drink A Pub Dry is on Untight! I hope everyone is participating in all the Rag Week events and not missing loo many lectures alter the 'night before . Rape Alarms We arc still waiting for the new supply of rape alarms, they have been on order for several weeks, however have not materialised as yet. (So make sure you don't get raped until they do-Ed.) When the supply arrives, I will notify under one roof anywhere Bargain European Flights Low Cost Flights to: everyone through a similar article in Transalpine) Train Services FELIX. Hon Porn Motion Coaches to Europe South America As instructed to do so by a motion (see Unioncards Crosschannel Hovercrafts Africa Britrail Cards The Middle East below) passed at the last IC Union Could all people who have not yet International Cards Australia General Meeting on 8 Nov 1983. I obtained a tnioncard please do so as O Travel Insurance North America would like to inform 'All students and soon as possible. O National Bus Services Low Cost Accommodation: stall of Imperial Collect'" that the mo- O Irish Travelsave Stamps Europe tion outlined below is now Imperial SainsburyV Trolleys Asia College I'nion policy and Imperial The manger of Sainsburys on the North America College Union does "not actively sup- Cromwell Road, has threatened legal port the pornographic industry and action unless the I rot leys taken from have never eonseiously intended to do his store last week are returned. He has 74 OLD BROMPTON ROAD, so." made a lormal complaint to College SOUTH KENSINGTON S W 7 I have also written to the L'niversity and. under request. I am making the of London In ion informing them of. complaint known in the hope that i£i 01-5811022ST * the motion, making our position clear such events will not happen in future. and have asked that in future the (iaynnr fwii'ls SlMlAlLlL AlDIS

FOR SALE ACCOMMODATION Tennis Club: great turnout last Wed- Become an instant photographer 'I have a dream' M L King. 'That Wanted one male to share room in flat nesday ladies, let's have more than ten Asahi Pentax KM camera with 55mm someone will turn up to Human Rights of 4 in Hamlet Gdns. TV, washing men out if possible. Ten is OK but we 11.8 lens, plus Vivitar 28mm f2.5 and Week' SCC Chairman. machine, etc. Only £21pw plus bills. can do much better. 135mm f2.5 TX lenses, Sunpak auto 33 Doug—What is the missionary posi- Contact H Southey, Chem Eng or 748 Judowench—Nazrene(?) says. The flashgun, lens hoods, filters, lens cases tion? Judowench. .3184. missionary position is best!—Doug. etc etc. All in camera bag, very good 1 Who spotted Thelma's fleshtone last Found 1 box of 35 1 / ' diameter, condition with original boxes. £100 the Wanted one female to share a room in 2 Saturday? I pinged it! Talkalot. hockey lookalike BALLS in Beit base- lot. Ring Keith Hanson on int 2592. a Hamlet Gdns flat. Rent only £20.50pw Thanx for a great Amsterdam eve- Will Swap Dirty women for any and minor bills. Flat facilities include: ment. If return is required write: J ning. Do Da Da DA DUM!! A tulip!! tropical fish. Also Hamster for sale TV, video, telephone, washing machine Littbarski, Physics UG letter-racks. A G Counsell when is the wedding? (best baked). and two bathrooms. Tel 748 7503. Andrew: don't forget we love wed- Glad to hear that she didn't bite your dings (nudge, nudge, etc). Sansui J-11 speakers (60w), 6mths ear off: the nutter on the bus. ARBS has proved conclusively *hat old, £40 (vgc); one YonexCarbonex-15 A G Counsell: sorry to hear about Grant the Mouth can keep talking even (brand new) badminton racket, hardly your bad neck. Did you burn yourself ANNOUNCEMENTS when dead. used £50; one Yonex Carbonex-7 £10. on your curling tongs? DPFC. Over 1,000 brand new records for sale 1 LSEW BSC 3 /2 Ninety & Savage, bog Benny B K Ong, via Civ Eng letter- between £2-3. Contacr A Howard,: Andrew, Can you get pregnant from off! racks or phone 373 7242 (eves). Chem Eng 2 for list. administering love-bites? A worried Books for sale: 1981 Dover under- Do you ever feel that you'd like to Dave—just 'mildly grubby', I don't Sue. believe you! ground timetable; Aston Villa, story of a smash people's balls with a mallet? Bernard Le Fuc, we know all about the footballing disaster. Contact M Smith, Then join IC Croquet Club. For further Duncan (thank you for the washing- Oxford Nubiles signed the Animals of BE4. information contact Charles de Rohan up) and Andy—we love you. BSH. No one tackles (and livesl) Gary Sanyo Dynapower Dynamo 3mths (Maths 3) or Myles Thompson (Chem Correction: Metallurgy (Wouldn't be. Savage (Met PG) a second time. old, superb lighting with negligible Eng 3). seen dead playing for IC) PG 5 Physics Metallurgy PG5 Physics (So wimpish drag. Selling due to purchase of Tennis Club Dinner Friday 2 Decem- 2 1. They had 12 men as well. treadless tires. £9 only. Contact Mark they won't even admit the score) 1. ber, £5 only including wine. If you want D Vokins (Physics 2) is a soap fucker. Heasman, Chem Eng 2 letter-racks. to come send your name and dept to Astrosoc do it with an equatorial Locus: Yer love's in the gutter—ya Electric guitar wanted. Anything Mike Shepherd, Biochem 3 or Christian mount. sperms in the sink. Stop wanking at cheap considered. Neal Gifford. Life Langevin, Mech Eng PG. PC303: Hope you had a good jump at Sci 2. night it keeps me awake. the weekend and my equipment per- Andrew Hamiltonian was there—he . ^Speakers, Wharfedale Laser 60 series formed well. Can I have it back soon? wasn't doing much lining wenches excellent condition, 60w. Going for PERSONAL (Preferably in one piece!) against the wall and fucking them with £60ono. Contact Themos Tsikas, Phil: I nose, you nose, we nose. Dear fatso: I love your nose. JK. his crutch?! Physics PG or 373 8828 (eves). Nick I'll be groping tonight! Monsieur If any team wants a good thrashing IC Gaysoc—See M Lucas, Physics 2 Porno videos (schoolgirls a special- Meslet. contact J Kerendi, Maths 3, captain of ity). Contact Richard Elwen, Mech Eng for membership (bring own whips). F Penelope L I'm sorry. Hope to see Maths Dept XI. Metallurgy PG P2 W2 F109 A3. you around some time. The Scottish Maths XI 7 (seven) Ents 1 still Chemistry PG P1 L1. Physics 2 P 1 L1. 4th pint of Marstons, will swap for a yank. undefeated. Beware. FK All Blacks. small wickey. Do you suffer from eyebrows that Megalomaniac seeks route to Tories are the cream of England: 2 mini-component hi-fi for quick sale. meet in the middle? Fed up of those omniscience as this is the next stage rich, thick and full of clotts. Sanyo G3 £90 negotiable; National J- snide 'werewolf comments from so- after omnipotence on his way to diety Grow your own dope—plant a Soggie 500 (latest) £150 negotiable (turntable, called friends? Then ex-welfare officer contact via ACC. cassette recorder). Tang, Mines letter- Jon Barnett has just the thing for Python of W12 requires young lady Southwell Academicals challenge WJ racks. you—your very own battery operated without chaperone. Number of chins W"KS. MGB roadster 1968, long MoT, tax, forehead mower personalised with up irrelevant. to 3 initials of your choice. For more Southwell Hs—Bransoc Pickle Brains,; new hood, excellent mechanically, Christine of W12—Knock 3 times on details Jon can be woken up in any —meeting sometime soon, C Gusor J J^ bodywork, reasonable smart, blue car. the ceiling if you want me!—Grandad. A J M Cripwell, Mech Eng 3 Physics 3 lecture. —any pickles welcome: prob. Sat. FELIX I [^^IFriday, 18 November, 1983 [Page 5 Reviews] I6H It may be obvious what 'Rag and Drag' involves and you may have heard about Silly Sports, but what of SCAB Night? This is a somewhat obscure event whose title gives little help to anyone who tries to find out what it involves. Fortunately, with three quarters of a page at my disposal, all uncertainties can be removed and you will be able to decide whether SCAB Night, among the maze of other Rag events, is worth attending.

SCAB is the somewhat preten- that have been dramatised, with tiously titled 'Social, Cultural and the only question remaining to be Amusement Board' which joins answered being: was it the together the performing societies butler? 'Alls Well That Ends As in College. Dramatic Society, You Like It' pokes fun at Opejatic Society, a range of music Shakespeare, notably Shakes- societies, Debating Society, Film peare as performed by an all girls Society and Jazz Club all public school. Assembling the contribute to make a night of necessary female cast, from varied and amusing entertain- Imperial College, must have SCAB Treasurer Roger Middlebrook explains his accounts to mentt, the profit of which goes to proved difficult but, no doubt, the auditor. IC Rag funds. This year's offering the lecherous talents of the Fornicazione' directly after only just getting out of the idea promises much with all the direction had much to do with it. Opsoc's SCAB Night offering, that SCAB Night is a dirty film SCAB clubs contributing. The final play is 'II Fornicazione' which pokes fun at the perfor- but fears retribution from Opsoc eveing. However, this most wel- Dramsoc are showing just mance of amateur operatic soci- chairman Jo Claydon. It is to be come contribution is a barber's how coarse their acting really can eties with a taste for Gilbert & hoped that he has the courage of shop quartet. While there is no be by peforming three of Michael Sullivan ie like IC Operatic his convictions and is not pushed performance this year from Wind Green's 'Coarse Acting' plays: Society. Indeed, so complete is around just because Jo is bigger Band, the Chamber Music 'Streuth', 'Alls Well That Ends As the analogy that Dramsoc than him. Society will be showing what You Like It' and 'II Fornicazione'. director Nick Moran is Indeed Opsoc are not just they do best: messing around 'Streuth' takes the piss out of the considering performing 'II performing one Gilbert & Sulli- with a piano. The rotund Robin many Agatha Christie thrillers van opera but small pieces from Graham will be dressing up in a several of them. There will be policeman's outfit and ensuring highlights from their greatest hits that all proceedings are suitably I" repertoire of HMS Pinafore, the legal. Pirates of Penzance, Ruddigore After appearances from the Cromwejjwn and Yeoman of the Guard. All Devil's advocate, Mrs Mop and the pieces are well known and Pooh Bear last year in a balloon Entrance on: will be presented with all the debate, the Debating Society 3 Cromwell Road, SW7. spontaneity of under-rehearsal. are promising no less obscure Tel: 584 7258 But seriously, if you want a good characters such as a Sloane laugh and fancy hearing what ' Ranger and the infamous (Opposite Natural History Museum) they sound like it will be well Michael Newman, perhaps worth while and Jo Claydon will appearing as Jesus Christ. The be buying a few drinks in the bar Jazz Club's band for the event COCKTAIL BAR NIGHTCLUB afterwards—for a change. is Horizon who performed last year at the Fremantle Hotel and U I For the first time in living memory the Choir are perform- ensured that all of the residents Open Open ing at SCAB Night due to the heard the gig—especially those foolhardy enough to try to get to Mon-Fri 6.00-11.00 Tues-Sat condescending Martin S Taylor successfully overcoming a gene- sleep. Sat 8.00-11.00 11.00-3am rally apathetic attitude towards To complete the evening Film supporting Rag, since they're Society are showing two films: Woody Allen's hilarious All You Happy Hour Party Night Wanted to Know About Sex but 6.00-9.00 Wesnesday Were Afraid to Ask providing all the information that didn't go Cocktails £1.50 Drinks 90p into Sean Davis' little white Cocktails £1.50 book and Vampire Loves with all night Peter Cushing chasing lots of Monday Special nasty female vampires. Until Cocktails £1.50 11:00pm there will be a bar all night outside the Concert Hall and food will be available. All of the clubs have put in a lot of effort SUMMER OFFER and the end product will be well Entrance to Night Club half price on worth reading. It all starts at 7:30pm this Saturday in the presentation of Imperial College cards Union Concert Hall, entrance Fortunately, no tricks from£1.5 0 on the door. Nick Shackley Martin S Taylor. FELIX Page 61 I Friday, 18 November, 19831 Michael Bryant is splendid as Creon— initially the stubborn and irascible autocrat, then as tragedy unfolds before him, becom- m ing merely a rather pathetic, isolated old LIVE! man. Finally, he is so humbled and subjective that he has to be led away from the stage. Barbara Flynn is a powerful and tomboyish Antigone, though sometimes she tended to Never proclaim her words rather than act her part. She is ably matched by Belinda Lang, who portrays Antigone's more conformist sister. Mind The chorus—an essential part of Greek tragedy—have a fascinating collection of timeless faces, whose fleeting expressions are intriguing to watch. The music of their The Glengarry Glen Ross by David Mamct at mingling voices was supplemented by eerie the Cottesloe Theatre (National tones from pipes, which intensified the Theatre) drama. Despite the Scottish-sounding title Bollocks Glengarry Glen Ross is firmly set in America, So, if you think Greek tragedy died with and more particularly in the jungle world of the Greeks, going to see this production may hard-selling, smooth-talking, law-bending well convince you otherwise. A large contingent of American salesmen. A sales contest is near- Claire Moss ing its close, and each man is desperately Woza Albert, Criterion Theatre punks descended on trying to better his position on the sales- Whatever Woza Albert may be, it is no graph, or 'board'. The top man wins a longer funny. These two talented actors College last Friday to Cadillac, the least successful gets fired. No (Percy Mtwa and Mbongeni Ngema) appear see London Cowboys wonder the panic and frantic urgency of the to have lost their enthusiasm on the West men, as they alternately form uneasy End stage, where the actors now play mostly and also outnumber alliances, or cut each others' throats in order to tourists. to sell more. What they are selling is tracts of The play is described as 'our fantasy of the students at the gig. land in obscure regions of Florida, to gullible consequences of a Second Coming to South city-dwellers. And this they do, employing Africa of Morena, the Saviour'. It ends a little FELIX reports on the the most marvellous kind of honied obliquely. Perhaps because is is based upon a Cowboys and support 'salespeak'. This is brilliantly demonstrated in series of improvisations, or perhaps because the hilarious performances of Jack Shepherd the play's structure and form take a second band Arista Blaze. and Derek Newark as two evenly-matched place to getting across the political message, crooks. In one brilliant scene, this nefarious which appeals far less to the British Looking and listening Arista Blaze seem couple display every possible trick in order to audiences than to those in Johannesburg and almost identical to The Slide, one of the prevent a dubious client from withdrawing New York. Because of this, the pair appear to bands who supported Clint Eastwood from his contract. have lost interest in their play, and the spark and General Saint. They both have girls of enthusiasm for it has long since died. on lead vocals, play with 'punkish energy More humour, in this undoubtably funny Simply as an evening out however, I can and vitality' and close their sets with play, is given by the shifting relationships and recommend the play. Full of African music covers of Patti Smith's Because the interactions between the salesmen them- and rhythm, the duo work themselves up into Night. The only difference is the Bo selves. Unconsciously, they wheedle and a big sweat as they rush about the stage and Derek plaits and being based in Camden cajole each other, using the same phrases as the gestures and the faces can speak louder as opposed to Cardiff. This is obviously they use with their clients or 'prospects'. But than the dialect, which is hard to understand an advantage as The Slide have now as the pressure increases, tempers rise and at times. If you have not seen Woza Albert broken up. Unfortunately Arista Blaze soon the men are swearing liberally, gesticu- yet, then see it soon, because it will not be suffered a lack of crowd reaction (every lating wildly as they exclaim 'Now you listen long before it has gone. one just sat down and waited for the to me!' London Cowboys) which was a shame The salesmen contrast markedly with John Burgess as they were much more original than John Williamson, the miserable office wet. the top band. Openly despised by the salesmen, they are It's possible we wouldn't have seen the compelled to defer to him, because it is he London Cowboys had not Dramsoc sup- who arranges the much coveted 'leads' or plied and built a light show at short appointments. He is played by Karl Johnson, notice when it transpired the band hadn't who gives just the right shade of limp reti- brought their own lights. We really cence as the miserable misfit. needed the lights or we would have A wonderfully quick-fire comedy this, and thought they were some up-and-coming strongly recommended. HM band doing their AC/DC impres- sions. However with the lights we were Antigone by Sophocles (translated by C able to see a dandy bunch of dudes A Tryparis) at the Cottesloe Theatre, whose lead singer was really doing Mick National Theatre Jagger impressions. The impressions Over two thousand years old it may be, but were quite good but that has little to do Sophocle's Antigone has some of the most with talent or originality. The music was powerful and effective drama going. A decep- certainly powerful and dynamic but this tively simple play, its main theme is the con- loud and proud cock rock was as pre- flict between Antigone and Creon; between dictable as song titles like Blue Murder, the law of the individual conscience with the Centrefold and Animal Pleasure would central power of the state. lead you to believe. A version of Some- This production has a 1930s flavour, with thing Else was poor whilst Reggae Bop the chorus resembling grey-suited gangsters, was best. Come back rock'n'roll, come Antigone in a turban and slinky dress, and back CE& GS, come back support band the guard a kind of British 'Tommy'. In no we don't need this aged rock thang. way does this detract from the play, but Peter Rodgers enlivens it and makes it more accessible. FELIX —B—WM IIHIIIIIIIll B^HHHI^BHH Page 7 Man Who Knew Too Much (Sun 20 Nov too. The photography and music is said to 1 6:00pm QEH) and Rear Window (Sat 19 be fantastic. I doubt if there'll be many seats Nov 6:00pm QEH) are all excellent murder left, due to priority booking, but it's worth a 1 I stories, all celebrations of cinema, try. FESTIVAL Hitchcock and the murder genre. If you can The Wind (Fri 2 Dec 8:00pm, Sat 3 get into any of these, you'll be lucky—ring Dec 8:00pm Dominion) along with The London Film Festival is one of the most prestigious film events in Europe and is up, or try last minute at the NFT box office; Broken Blossoms (Thur 1 Dec 8:00pm, an unrivalled opportunity to see many old and new films not likely to be on general even if they said earlier it was sold out, there Sat 3 Dec 4:30pm Dominion) will also be release. Some of the best directors in the world will be showing their work this year; are often a few tickets left, in case the Queen hard to get into. Both star Lillian Gish and their idea of cinema is definitely not limited to that of the Hollywood blockbuster. drops by or something were made in 1928 and 1918 respectively. Over 150 films will be shown during the two and a half weeks of the Festivalfrom 17 Recommended Films The Wind is a murder story set in Texas and November to 4 December. The LFF is not perhaps quite as famous as Cannes, but for These are films that have been recom- is a rarely-seen silent classic with wonderful IC students it has one big advantage: the bulk of the films will be shown at the mended by many of the professional photography. Broken Blossms is of similar National Film Theatre, just five tube stations from South Kensington. The NFTis on reviewers—I have not seen them, but they stature, making an early plea for racial the South Bank, beneath Waterloo Bridge. will probably be well worth a visit. tolerance, but subtly, calmly. Both will be accompanied by a full orchestra conducted FELIX has not covered the LFF in recent years. Students have tended to complain Olmi's Cammina Cammina (Tues 22 Nov 2:00pm, 8:45pm) has been widely and by Carl Davis. that the Festival is loo arty, too avant-garde and too dominated by foreign films. fervently praised by countless people after Liquid Sky (Wed 30 Nov 11:00am, That is untrue this year. There are some excellent films on offer. This article will try it's first showing at Cannes. The film is in the to provide a guide to the Festival and suggest a few of thefilms worth seeing. Most of 6:15m) is weird, extraordinary, a modern epic style, an odyssey. A vast procession of fairy story set amongst the New Wave, the films will not get press reviews, so I have split this article into two parts. Firstly, pilgrims sets off on a trek to the East, meet- those I have seen personally and secondly those seen and recommended by starring sexual perversions, drugs and ing all kinds of dangers on the way. The story punk. For those who like their films different professional reviewers. is sometimes irreverant, sometimes surreal, and lively in the extreme. I've carefully selected films that I feel will attract most IC students, hence the sometimes tragic. Children are often the wisest, and adults can be fools, but funda- Trading Places (Sun 4 Dec 1:30pm, large number of British and US films. By all means try otherfilms out for yourselves; 6:15pm) has been a massive hit in the US, the best I can do is point out those that particularly interested me. There will usually mentally Cammina Cammina is a celebra- tion of the human character. and is praised as perhaps the best comedy of be just two showings of each film: times and dates are given. Further details about Guney's The Wall(Fri 25 Nov the year. A top executive and a criminal booking can be found at the end of this article. 11:00am, 6:15pm) is about the revolt of a swap places, and all kinds of hilarious things 'Liquid Sky' 'An Englishman Abroad' group of Turkish children in Ankara prison start to happen as Capitalism meets the Films Reviewed by FELIX in 1976. Like 'YOL', this film is said to be Ghetto. Pride of place must go to the British films this entire East End family on the dole. Country' fame) is based on Rosamund early twenties who comes to join the hippy tough and highly effective, using children The South (Fri 25 Nov 2:30pm) marks year. These show just how strongly our film Meantime is neither oh-so-boring 'gritty Lehamann's novel about the hypocrisy and commune run by Tom's elder brother. without sentimentality to show the abuses the return of Victor Erice after a ten year industry is reviving. Most are financed by realism', nor is it Coronation Street double standards of between-the-wars Beautifully shot, this film is delicate, funny and tyranny that ignorant men can inflict on absence from films. He made a marvellous television, as is usual nowadays, despite cardboard cut-outs. Leigh is superb at Britain. Olivia Curtis (Lisa Eichborn) chucks sad and ultimately profoundly moving. The people, once given the authority. A short film called 'The Spirit of the Beehive' one of Goldcrest, Virgin and Handmade Films. capturing the atmosphere of the working- in her old life and decides to find herself in audience at the press review was left very sharp shock against those who believe might my all-time favourites. The South is about Interestingly, quite a few are witien by class life. He doesn't try to preach, and as in decadent London. This leads to an affair quiet and thoughtful. The acting of the two is right. the developing relationship between a father novelists like Ian McEwan, William Boyd and all his work there's real humour to set off his with Rollo Spencer (Michael York) who she main characters deserves special mention: First Name Carmen (Fri 25 Nov and his young daughter who starts to sus- Edna O'Brien; they are just as good writing character's traumas. The plot proceeds via had a crush on at a party once before and Annette Badland as Jenny and Graham 11:15am)m) is the Critics Choice of Derek pect he is having an affair with a famous film scripts as they are conventional prose. 'incidents' and you can lose the thread now decides to go the whole hog with him. McGrath as Tom—this young man put in a Malcolm from the Guardian. A female film- actress. Its themes are the adjustments somewhat, but the acting is excellent: skin- Unfortunately Rollo is married, with a 'posi- performance that in its naturalness and sen- maker robs a bank to finance a project, has made by a child moving into the adult world, Good and Bad at Games (Mon 21 Nov heads, well-meaning aunts, the local pub. tion' in elegant society. Shot as beautifully as sitivity was something extra special. If you an affair with one of the security guards and she only half-understanding, confused, 11:00am, 6:15pm) by William Boyd is both Worth seeing. Brideshead Revisited, this film is perfect for see nothing else at the Festival, I urge you to gets her cruel but expected comeuppance. scared. Judging from Erice's past work this funny and disturbing. Three men were at Carmen (Maruschka Detmens) is a real should be good, if you can get Friday after- The Weather in the Streets (Wed 30 those who like to wallow in the atmosphere go to this double-bill—it was marvellous. school together a decade ago. Mount, the of the 20s and 30s. looker. But as an actress, as Malcolm says noon's off. There's just one showing. rugby team captain is now an officer and a Nov 2:30pm and Thur 1 Dec 8:45pm) is There are a huge number of American himself, she's 'asked to do very little except Finally, the burb in the LFF guide is ac- gentleman, upholder of his class. Niles, the another stylish British film. The screenplay Finally, of all the British films I've seen at films at this year's LFF. These include two look pretty and strip'. Sounds good. companied by a still from each film dis- born sportsman yet exploited by everyone, written by Julian Mitchell (of 'Another press reviews over the last few weeks, the Thames Silents (recommended later) and Wagner (Sat 26 Nov 5:00pm QEH) cussed. In the whole booklet, only Erendira desperately tries to ignore his present seedy best by far was the double bill An George Cukor's complete version of A Star stars Vanessa Redgrave and Richard Burton (Sat 3 Dec 1:30pm) has a photograph fea- life and instead relive his old school days of Englishman Abroad and Last Day of Is Born (Sun 27 Nov 9:45, Odeon in an epic British film that in its shortened turing naked breasts and taut nipples. This is glory and friendship. Cox, bullied by every- Summer (Mon 21 Nov 2:30pm, 8:45pm). Leicestr Square) starring Judy Garland form lasts five hours. There's Laurence one film that is bound to sell out. one, is now a journalist out for revenge. The former is based on the true story of a and James Mason. Unfortunately Cukor meeting between Guy Burgess and the Olivier, John Gielgud and Ralph Richardson Their old boys reunion is no fun and games. kicked the bucket just before he was due to Booking Arrangements 'actress Coral Browne in Moscow in 1958. This film is well acted and professionally put see the final result of all his work. And there Most of the films are at the National Film Alan Bennett's script is witty and flows well together, mixing Cox's attempt to win Niles are five of the best Hitchcock's, all Theatre. A few are at the Dominion Theatre, and Alan Bates as Burgess and Coral over on to his side, with the story of his unavailable for many years: Odeon Leicester Square and Queen Eliza- Browne herself use it perfectly. Burgess is humiliation by Mount ten years previously. The Trouble With Harry (Sun 20 Nov beth Hall. still the charmer he was before he defected, 8:30pm, Queen Elizabeth Hall) is that You will probably have difficulty getting Members of the British Film Institute are but his whole situation is shown to be so sad, he's a corpse on a hillside. All the local into The Country Girls which is today at given priority booking, and there is no tele- cooped up in a tenement block most of the villagers have different motives for thinking 6:15pm. Edna O'Brien has skilfully adapted phone booking at the Dominion. Prices time, even though he chose it voluntarily. A they killed him and should dispose of the her own novel about a young girl growing up there for Broken Blossoms and The Wind man whose borrowed time ran out. What body. Unfortunately Harry died of natural in an Irish village, then moving out into the are £4, £6 and £8. could have been spoilt by political argument causes. It's a bit like Fawlty Towers, and big wide world. Maeve Germaine as Kate All other booking is through the NFT and and the pressing for interpretations is made then again like an Ealing comedy, but with puts in an enchanting performance as her from the Box Office personally or by instead into a film that entertains, pokes fun the black disturbing humour that life gradually opens out and she realises the telephone via 01-928 3232 daily between at and yet celebrates the British, and man- Hitchcock loved. Shirley MacLaine makes opportunities before her. The plot smacks a 10:30 and 20:30 hours. Telephone bookings ages to comment on the important ques- her debut as an actress, the photography's little of the well-worn path to self-discovery, I must be claimed within 72 hours and tickets tions raised by the whole Burgess/Maclean marvellous and 'Harry' was one of Hitch- but the acting and the gentle pacing soothes affair. cost £3. There doesn't appear to be any cock's favourites. student discount. Last minute tickets, ie half this film into something surprisingly enter- Last Day of Summer is superb. Ian Vertigo (Sat 19 Nov 8:30pm QEH) is in an hour before the performance, will often taining. No wild emotions here, but evoca- McEwan (writer of The Ploughman's Lunch) tive. creasingly seen as a masterpiece that even be available, especially for non-evening has adapted his own short story marvellous- beats 'Psycho'. The best I can do is quote the Meantime (Tues 22 Nov 11:00am, performances. Telephone bookings made ly from prose to film. The story is of the 3 LFF reviewer: 'If there's a better movie in on the day of the performance will be held / 6:15pm) written and directed by Mike Leigh friendship between Tom, a twelve-year-old 4 this LFF I'll jump off Waterloo Bridge.' hour before the film begins. is about the trials and tribulations of an 'The Weather in the Streets' orphan and Jenny, a shy short fatty in her Rope (Sat 19 Nov 2:00pm QEH), The 'The Trouble with Harry' Tony Atkins Page 8| Friday, 18 November, 1983 [Page 9 SHER

OF By Juvenal d?EftPSKflTE The wretch shivered under his cardboard and his bright blue lips formed a word. 'Would,' he hissed, crossing himself feebly. 'Professor Would!...had it closed!' The wretch shuddered and nodded a little BEHIND before sinking into a malnutrition-induced coma. Smarty noticed that one of his ears had fallen off. CLOSED DOORS Meanwhile, in a distant ivory tower Baron Weed slept, snoring irregularly. He was old and tired. When he was awake, his eyes were glazed, his glasses double- glazed. His position of Baron of Cheapskate was unshakeable. His one embarrassment in life was his good wife, Lady Marigold. The kindest thing to do with her was to ignore her, however her eccentric behaviour often led to raised eyebrows and behind-the-back snig- gers, although it was agreed that she gave 4. Victor Mooney, Refectory Manager events she attended a cerain je ne sais quoi. When Victor joined Imperial College in 1952 Wha a pity she couldn't inject some life into there was waitress service in the UDH with a the hidebound Baron. general refectory on the top floor of the At the Baron's right sat John Secretary, Union Building and the Butler had just left the Recap: Smarty Saylor, ex- thinking about his carefully engineered fall Union Lower Lounge. The Lower Lounge FALIX Editor and failed academic, from grace in Surefield. He had recently man- was then quite resplendent with stuffed wakes up on eday in the fabled Land ipulated the Baron into removing him from animal heads adorning the walls. He now of Cheapskate, which is ruled by the his spaceous level 5 office and installing him caters for many more people in much larger in a dripping, rat-infested cellar. He smiled Baron and his minions, a collection refectories lacking virtually all the style of the se retly, thinking how clever he was. former areas. of fairies, ogres and crones. Smarty thought of none of these things as Victor Mooney has the stature of a man Any resemblance to anything at he crossed Bite Quad. He was transfixed who has spent his life in the food and drink all is purely unintentional. with the horror of what he was about to trade, he has the ample girth that would be 'Ah me,' thought Smarty Saylor as he lay in do—eat at Victual Munchey's infectory. regarded, in people other than caterers, as the Cheapskate sick bay. Life had been look- Munchey was well-known as a man of culture fatness. He is instantly recognisable around ing up: he had gone from being a penniless, —so much so that he was inclined to let it College, which is a contrast to the College homeless, out-of-work ex-PhD student and grow on his crockery. bureaucrats and stands out as a 'Man of ex-FALIX Editor to someone lucky enough to Smarty's heart quailed as he stood before Character' in Sherfield. He is the only person live in 6 Queers Court Square with the cock- the hunch-backed crone behind the counter. I know to have thrown a punch at Hector roaches and silverfish under the patronage of He ordered his meal in faltering Catalonian, Cameron-Clark after being let down by Es- the influential if malodorous Eric Professor. and after a few muttered curses and impre- tates, which he is frequently. He even got to run the Baron's choir. But just cations, was handed a plate containing an old He is always willing to put on an apron and at the peak of his return to fame, he had been wet football sock, two used brillo pads and lend a hand serving food if the refectories are arrested for drinking too much ginger beer what looked like a spoonful of Swarfega and a understaffed. Since he clearly has a great and spent over six weeks recovering from his bowl of viscous yellow fluid with an ominous commitment to Imperial College it is rather a hangover in the Baron's Dungeon. Slowly he black fin protruding from it. He shrugged and pity that his day to day food is of such poor got up and pu' on his clothes. Today they took it to the till. Suddenly he noticed some- standard. were letting him out. thing. In many respects he is like a captain of a He noticed that many things had changed 'There's no pasta in my sock,' he whined ship flying a flag of convenience. Though he as he walked towards the Baron's estate. It ninnyishly. and the officers are likely to be capable and was cold, and the leaves had turned brown 'DID I HEAR A COMPLAINT?!' boomed a well trained the crew are mostly foreign, and were falling. 'Never mind,' he thought, terrifying ogreish voice behind him cheap to employ, staying for short periods of 'Soon warm up with a nice mug of tea and a time, and mainly undependable. However penguin at Bite Zoo'. Will the Ogreish Munchey have Smarty well the crew is led it will never accomplish However, when he arrived at Bite Arch, he boiled down for stock? great things. was horrified to see that Bite Zoo was not Victor's main fault lies in his old fashioned only closed, but boarded up. He found a Will the rats complain to the Baron about approach and ignorance of many modern starving wretch huddled outside the having John Secretary in their cellar? management techniques which are essential barricaded door under some large bits of now that university cash is limited. How many starving wretches will die of cardboard. Victor does have Falstaffian faults and has malnutrition if Prof 'Bad Guy' Would has his been criticised for them, but when he retires 'What's all this!' he cried in his funny high way? voice (he had still not recoverd from his and is replaced by a dapper chap wearing a encouter with Michael Arthur the good but For the answer to these and many other striped shirt with white collar and cuffs and all not very useful fairy). questions, don't miss the next thrilling the character of a well peeled grape the 'Why is the Bite Zoo closed?' Smarty episode of 'The Baron of Cheapskate'. College will be a much poorer place. shrilled. The Mole Page 10 Friday, 18 November, 1983 — 11IM—— FELIX STOIC

In a carefully soundproofed and blackened The Lord Mayor's Show went fairly well Sorry folks but you may not have seen me this room under Southside Halls, the single except for a few deranged Barts Hospital week. That's because I've got tonsillitis and as flickering screen faded to black. It was seve- students who attacked the float with crap. a result I'm not allowed to drink or smoke. ral minutes before any of the STOIC mega- Tomorrow, Saturday, is 'Silly Sports' out- The Beer Festival on Wednesday took over hacks spoke. "My God..." David (I'm too side Harrods where we have egg and spoon £2,300 and has a projected profit of £400-500 busy masturbating) Owen, ashen-faced, was races, -n-legged races, annoy the policemen, once we've paid all the bills. Sorry about groping for the lemonade bottle. "Jesus, the etc, etc all to collect money for deaf children. some of the barrels being duff. Anyway I'll shit we produce at STOIC is bad..." He Meet in the Guilds Office at 9:30am. (If you finish this drivel and on to the serious bit. voiced everyone's thoughts and vomited. are really keen you can collect for 24hrs and Rag Week has just started and I'm sure you "There's only one way out of it. We're going go for the prize—weekend for 2 in Paris— will have seen the publicity for the rest of the to have to produce a really hot FELIX col- meet in teams of about 3 in the RCS Office at events, but tomorrow you must come and umn, rip off the SF Soc column so that 11:30pm tonight!). collect for us; even if it's only for half an hour people will actually read it and may watch Don't forget that Guilds Hit Squad has it will be worth it—so turn up any time from STOIC." He gazed at his sick subordinates already started—so hurry to the Guilds Of- dawn to dusk at the RCSU Office and we'll with a new resolve, "that's right, we'll write a fice to book your hit!). See *****? cheap imitation of the SF Soc Column". give you a can and things. Any themes and teams who want to collect for long periods come early so you get a spot on the high paying areas like Horrids, etc. ICCAG Have fun and an awful lot to drink. Photosoc Dave 'Something tells me we're going somewhere!' Ahoy me Scurvies! Well, we'll certainly have to as more people Now that this year's series of B&W demon- come along to our meetings. Talking of which strations has come to an end, we hope that we are starting to have a 'Pay As You Eat' everyone who attended one of them found it lunch on Mondays as a"n addition to our interesting and also, perhaps, learned some- meetings (which are still on Monday 12:35 WLC thing useful. We would also like to remind the ICCAG Office, top of Union). RCC that these demonstrations are given free Jobbersquad started gently last Wednes- The first of three Humanities events organ- of charge by members of the photosoc com- day. We fitted a new curtain rail up for an old ised by the West London Chaplaincy will be a mittee in their own spare time, and that the lady and talked to her for some time. This talk by Donald Soper, on Tues 22 Nov, con- agreed rate for student demonstrators in Col- week we are moving a single parent into her cernining Law and Order. lege teaching laboratories is £4.75 per hour. new council flat and collecting her furniture Next year we hope to be able to rectify this together with as many other jobs as we have discrepancy. people for. Examples are: gardening, DIY There will be a colour printing demonstra- jobs, taking some old people on an outing (7 tion in Mines LT303 at 7:00pm on Wednes- Dec), talking to and writing a letter for an old day 23 November, all welcome. Also, pro- woman to Mrs Thatcher and Council about Rag Week bably on the Monday of the last week of term, grievance...and many more. Please do come a person from 'Fox Talbot', the well-known along on Wednesday 12:45 ICCAG Office. secondhand camera shop in the Strand, will They need you! Friday be giving a talk and demonstration (although As time draws nearer Christmas more is Drink a Bar Dry, meet Union Bar I'm not sure what it will be about). More .happening: Hospital Visiting would love 6:00pm. details later. Finally, some time in the middle more people to help and entertain old people, of next term we may have a B&W and Colour for instance, in Christmas shopping and they Saturday Print Competition, so start taking pickies have already helped to run a bingo session for Rag Week Street Collection, see now so they'll be ready on time. old people! (Monday 12:45 Mech Eng foyer). CCU posters for details. The Acton Venture Club always needs more people. They are taking the kiddies Sunday swimming this Saturday which should be fun Raft Race, 10:00am Princes Gdns. and rewarding. Circular Tug of War. Rarnight BBQ As nights get colder the Soup Run is more Debsoc and fireworks at night. and more vital to the down and outs. To those This Monday at 7:00pm in Mech Eng 220, the who have been coming; Keep coming. To Monday society is holding the first of two evening those who haven't been yet: There are spare debates. The motion is 'This house believes seats in the van (Meet Falmouth Kitchens Films, 7:00pm Lounge Lizards Club. that CND undermines the peace and freedom 9:30). of this country'. Proposing the motion are As a final comment: we don't do all this just Tuesday Peregrine Worsthorne, the leading conserva- because we feel it is our duty, we do it because 8:30pm JCR. tive and Sunday Telegraph columnist and we really enjoy it! And so might you! Mines Dirty Disco, Gerald Frost from the influential, Institute of I look forward to seeing you for lunch on Wednesday Strategic Studies. Opposing the motion are Monday 12:35 ICCAG Office. Joan Ruddock (Chairperson CND) and the Thanks for reading. Inter-College Rag Mag Selling. Vice-Chairperson CND. Steve Thursday Urgent: Human Rights Week Monster Boat Race, 1:00pm Beit Will all clubs who have not yet told me that they wish to take part in Quad. Human Rights Week please contact me via Union Office by 5:30pm Smoking Concert, 7:30pm Union Monday 21 November Concert Hall. Robin Graham Friday FBUXWBXSBWSiaaBmWBWtaWOWmWBMFriday, 18 November, 1983 M Carnival, Union Building ^^l Page Sport EDITORIAL

Some of you may have thought that I'd cocked Gutteridge Cup 1st Round The Volleyball Club has got off to a fresh up again with the Canoe Club article about A magnificent display by IC saw QMC well start this year. We have two men's teams, the waterskiing. This was, in fact, genuine, and the tonked and thus they progress to the second second of which have won all of their two Canoe Club are taking up waterskiing. round of the Cup competition where they will matches! play Guy's Hospital on 16 November. Team 1. however, failed to win against the Thanks to all the supporters who turned up highly praised ULU team, by a very small with crates of Swan and look forward to margin (score was 3 sets to 2). The sole reason seeing you next Wednesday. being, of course, that two of IC's best players were actually on the other side of the net,* playing for ULU! To compensate forthisdis- heartening experience, ICI had an easy vic- tory over the London Fire Brigade team. The Ladies' team, which is incidentally the first one in existence for a few years, is now After my little self-introduction to FELIX a practising regularly and the players hope to couple of weeks ago, the table tennis com- bring glory, honour and fame to IC, through mittee have decided to submit weekly reports their forthcoming matches! They had a to enable us to complain about sports page friendly match against a very vicious looking quality in future issues. ULU team last week....Well, it was good A quick resume of the season to date: practise anyway! Team 1 are looking to relegation already. A final note, to remind any forgetful club They've only won 1 out of 6. However, their members, or anyone else interested in joining star player NG is out with (chicken) pox at the the best IC club, on practise times: Tues 5:30- moment so they can only improve (?). 7:30pm Ladies; Wed l:30-5:30pm Mixed; Sat Sailing vs UEA 2-0; UEA Ladies 1-0; UL2 1- Team 2 collapsed like a prick-ed balloon. l:30-3:30pm Mixed and 3:30-5:30pm Ladies. 0; UEA Old Boys 0-1 Team 3 doing well! Won 3 out of 6. On Saturday the team travelled to Oulton Team 4 are settling down after the loss of Broads in East Anglia to take up the chal- their keystone (who me?). They've won 1 out lenge of UEA. of 5. The first race was sailed in a light and very Team 5—Erica's doing a grand job! They shifty force 1 against the UEA old boys. The have won 3 out of 5. Cor! IC team made a good start but the old boy's Now, all you freshers form team 5! If you superiority in Lards soon showed itself and still want a game come up Wednesday after- Imperial were struggling by the first mark. One cannot describe the emphoric sense of r noon and get onto Erica, the queues aren't so Matters did not improve in the remainder r team spirit, not because the thirds are illi- big now. the race and resulted in the Sailing Cub's first terate but because we won and the bar was Bye till next time. away defeat of the season. open afterwards. Graeme (Hon Sec) We won 4-2! The second race was sailed in similar condi- tins but this time the impressive UL2 were the opposition. Jones and Bennet-Clarke soon talked their vessel into sailing faster than everyone else's and a lucky streak from Howarth saw IC with first and positions at the first mark. Bevan in the meantime was seen trying to improve his tacking by leaping from one side of the boat to the other; need- less to say at the back of the fleet. Positions did not change until the last leg of the course when a surprise last minute attack from UL2 was heroically kept at bay by Jones. IC

scraped home with '/2 of a point to spare. UEA were obviously not impressed with the IC tactics and proposed a best-of-three Spot the Ball Competition race series. However by this time IC had got Our heroes were reduced to ten men at a very their act together and in the first race sailed early stage in the game by despicable intimi- home ahead of the entire UEA fleet. In the dation from the Chem Eng thugs. Combined second race of the series, Kennedy sailed two with this, Matt Fawcett, our goalie and ace of the UEA boats in the wrong direction FELIX photographer suffered withdrawal single handed to give the remainder of the IC symptoms when a fiendish forward removed Top of the League! Thats our position after team a clear starting line. Imperial cruised his pet camera. After this, he didn't have to we thrashed Guys Hospital on 7 Nov. As home with 1st, 2nd and 5th. stop the ball hitting his camera and he lost his newcomers to the League Guys felt they had The UEA Ladies then had the audacity to previous motivation. an easy first match against last year's holders propose a challenge. They were soon Carl Burgess, News Ed and Centre For- of the wooden sppon. Ha! regretting their actions as Imperial left them ward, was brutally crocked. Cramp, the They had not chance with the scoring of standing at the start. On seeing this Jones and Chem fcng centre forward scored their only Alex 'Superhog' Mackenzie (28 points), the Bevan nobly decided to return to the start to goal, as the rampaging FELIX heroes tram- rebounding power of Big George Droungas make more of a go of it. Even so Imperial pled all over their helpless victims. The final the speed of Scott 'The Yank' Broderic, the proved too much for the girls to handle and score was 10-1 to FELIX. The Chem Eng coolness of Ken 'Iceman' Jarret and strong sailed home in winning positions. captain said 'I'm as sick as a parrot! It was a performances from the rest of the team all Many thanks to UEA for a very enjoyable good job Pallab and John Scott weren't play- brought together by our star coach 'H'. Well, Saturday. ing, or we'd have conceded 30!'' I rest my case! (Guiltyl-Sports Ed.) Page 72HBHHHHIHHHIHHHHMM[ I Friday, 18 November, 19831 womowownwnwomowmowmFEux It is our lower sides which are particularly . weak at the moment so beginners who feel Squash that they have a certain degree of coordina- tion will have a good chance of being selected for the University fixtures which are often At last! Many apologies for the delay. Con- exciting and very close matches. A certain gratulations to the first team who have lost amount of coaching may also be available only a single game in all their matches. The depending on the generosity of Union funds. second team has been rather badly inter- rupted by players being away constantly, but have no excuses now. The thrids and fourths definitely need a bit more needle (or bottle as they say) however the fifths are holding their own very successfully. If anyone has been trying to join but in vain, and is still keen, Mens 1 v QMC won 7-2 leave a message on the Squash noticeboard. Extract from the 'Diary of Ian Bull' Keep challenging on the ladder (ladies as Pranced about at several College parties the well) since there is definitely room for im- night before. Almost spoke to the Rector, but provement in the teams. The Squash Club he was too pissed. Got up 5:00am, attended dinner was most succesful ????. Thanks John. 27 committee meetings before breakfast. Cricket Tough on those who missed out. Puked up. Must make sure no one finds out I Keep playing, and enjoy your squash. went to lectures, or my Presidential credi- bility will be fucked. I've forgotten what happened in last week's Had 18 pints of Guinness at lunch time. exciting episode, but I'm sure it was thrilling! Played badminton in the afternoon at QMC IC Cricket Tour Torquay 1983 (or the Dirty Bowls with the FELIX Sport Ed. Lucky I was, or we Dozen meet Helga the mud wrestler from wouldn't have won 2 out of 3 games. Lee and Hamburg) Steve won all 3, but Dom and Mike lost one. Captains Log Dom's so imcompetent! Star date 24.6.83 Imperial College made the long trek to the Afterwards listened to Burglar Alarm in Forgot to put handbrake on minibus whilst Airport Bowl last Saturday, to play the al- Bar. Had a Curry on way back. Farted on endeavouring to fill up with petrol. Wasted ways strong Brunei University side (100 mem- tube. In the evening I made a PA in South- 2'/2 hours retriving said bus from the ditch. ners in the club—large financial assistance 1 side, but I was too tired to start a Beerfight. Arrived at Yelverton CC '/ hour late to be from their Union etc etc). As expected we got 2 Only smoked 10 packets of fags today, cut greeted by a thunderstorm. well trounced, an embarrassing whitewash down from 30 yesterday. Then I went to some Discovered new hobby: watching the ducks saved only by some good bowling by our B more parties. A very credible day. paddling on the square. team. Things have got to improve and if The club meal will be on Thursday 1 Dec- Then saw Eastland doing the Disco Duck, anybody feels they could contribute to the ember, venue to be decided. On Friday, a scoring 63 runs in 7 overs, whilst continually performance of the team will they please Chelsea College vandal trashed the Badmin- adjusting his box. Eastland managed to avoid come bowling this Wednesday. We meet at ton locker. Anyone knowing more about this getting arrested on the first night this year. 2:30pm in Chem Eng foyer and take a coach senseless crime should see me as soon as This makes 'Star Wars' look like a film-Sports down to Tolworth Bowl (about 20 minutes possible! Ed. away). THE RCS SOUTHSIDE SMOKING CONCERT BAR *Ronnie Golden Fri 18 Nov: Disco in Real Ale Bar & Live Music in Main Bar. Free —Alternative Comedian admission. *Live Music Mon 21 Nov: Ragarama in Real Ale Bar * Brilliant sketches and Fosters Lager at 61p pint, (normal * Popcorn and beer price 76p). Free admission. Wed 23 Nov: Midnight Express on video *For Rag THURSDAY 24 NOVEMBER in Real Ale Bar at o:30pm and 9:00pm. 7:30pm — Union Concert Hall Fosters lager 61p pint. Free admissin. From now until 8 Dec we are running a Tickets available from Soc Reps or RCSU Office. GUINNESS promotion with draught Guinness indirectly costing 64p pint IMPERIAL COLLEGE (normal price 71p). BLOOD DONOR SESSION UNION DINING HALL TUES 6TH WED 7TH & THURS 8TH DECEMBER Parking Permits All parking permits not collected by next Friday will be TIMES 9.3G-12 & 2-4PM reallocated to my mates. PLEASE BOOK APPOINTMENTS WITH RECRUITING STAFF DURING WEEK BEGINNING Sean C Davis FELIX I 28TH NOVEMBER Friday, 18 November, 1983 {Page 13 WHATS OH friday tue?day 1230h JCR Socialist Soc bookstall. Books, info and 1230h RM 606 Elec Eng Campaign Coffee. Pimlico Connection 'Pay As You Eat' lunch.

1245h 1230h Union Upper Lounge Sherfield Audio Soc Record Club. SDP's inaugral meeting on 'election reform'. 1230h Room 231 Chemistry 1245h JCR Catholic mass and lunch. All welcome. CND Bookshop 1300h Upper Lounge 1255h Concert Hall, Union Southside Riding Club Islamic Soc Friday prayers. meeting.

1300h Southside Upper 1930h Lounge Boardsailing Club Malet St meeting. Go Betweens/Moodists Popular History of Signs £2.5 adv or £3 door. i QftAh JCR/Hall 130011 TV Sets What's Ons which are not submitted on the forms provided will not be Sou,hs STOIC broadcast with Gordon 2100h ^ printed. The deadline for What's Ons is Monday 1:00pm. Jackson. See how the Lynne James Live Band: The Red Sharks. professionals do it.

^£ Mining and Metallurgical Society Pippard Lecture Royal School of Mines 2200-2400h IC Radio presents 1330h Theatre «Vw Imperial College 1230h Log Cabin, opposite Russell Hickman A unique Northfields tube ICCAG Acton Lecture on Law and Order by blend of noise'. Robert Pryor Saturday venture Club. Lord Soper. Presented by Memorial Lecture Transport refunded Methodist Society.

Mr Pierre Gousseland AA/tu Concert Hall Read Theatre ipopday Sherfield Chairman I yJ'Jn Union Amax Inc SCAJ Night £1.50 All the 1330h Room SCAB societies get together 00ftUCommon 606 A Corporate ZO\Jl\ Elec Eng Performance and Problems of and perform: coarse acting, 1 British Industry 1950-79 a Strategy for barber's shop quartet, Opsoc's IC Education Forum sandwich lecture by Prof W B The Future greatest hits and rock band seminar 'What are Halls of Reddaway. 'Horizon' and Woody Allen's Residence For?' a discussion 18:30 hours Friday 18 November 1983 'All you wanted to know about in the presence of Dr Don Mechanical Engineering sex but were afraid to ask' and Monro, Chairman, Halls of 1730h Brown Comm Rm Lecture Theatre 220 lots more. With food until Residence Committee. Bring Amnesty Int meeting Imperial College SW7 11:00pm. your own sandwiches: coffee Sa2000h and soft drinks will be on sale. -. A r-1 Lec Theatre 2000h .Lower Refec Ents 1 Lounge Lizards nightclub . _ _ _, above 745h RCA 1 23Uh Southside Bar The Crafts Today Open forum Saturday with members of the Crafts Hang-gliding club meeting. Council RCSU «iupday Dawn CCAG Street Collection for Action 1245h Office 1800h Aid. Dress up and collect. 0930h meet Beit Arch Cycling Committee Rm ICCAG pay as you eat lunch. Prizes for best collectors. Club fun run. Pace suitable for Socialist Society speaker beginners. If your bike is in meeting 'Women and good condition come along Guilds 1245h meet Beit Arch Vegsoc Development'. with some money for lunch. lunch at RCA. 0930h Office s C Silly Sports outside Harrods 1000h Consort Gallery, 1800h B e5 Wear something silly. Sherfield WLC Communion Californian Tasting Come and Service. Coffee will be served. 1800h RSM drink these fashionable new Camden Met and Mat Sci Soc lecture wines' from the sun-kissed Town Hall 'Metal Making Past and scintillating slopes of 1030h 1300h SCR Wargames Club Present' by Prof J H E Jeffes succulent US of A with Wine Conference on Central Hack & Slag meeting. (of IC). Free refreshments Tasting Society. America 'Education and More from 1730h in the Level 7 Repression' looking at El AAA U House Senior Common Room, RSM. Salvador, Guatemala, Hall 1 All welcome. Honduras and Nicaragua. OUUrl 53 Cromwell Rd 1800h TV sets Contact John Sattaur at the Catholic mass followed by Bar Socialist Society bookstall, Supper and Talk 'The 1930h JCR Intermediate Danc- STOIC broadcast. Repeat of Friday lunchtime, JCR for Falklands Question' with the ing class. 50p. lunchtime broadcast. more details. £2. Rt Hon Tarn Dalyell MP. FELIX Friday, 18 November, 1983 Page 14 IWHATS ON learning used by the McMaster medical school, Canada, IC followed by informal wedpe^day ifjursday discussion about the possible TUDTJ application of the techniques to education in science and engineering. CLUB fOOnU Rm E400 1230h Union Upper Lounge IdOXill Chem Eng Audio Soc record club. Methodist Society Bible Study Hall Rm 231 1800h TV sets Chemistry 1245h ICCAG Office 1245h STOIC repeat broadcast of Jobbersquad helping geriatric Stamp Club meeting. All News-Break. patients at St Pancras Hospital. welcome. Stamps bought and sold. No need to have your 1830h Union Gym Judo collections at College. Practice.

1830h Union Gym Judo 1900h Union Gym Judo practice. 341 practice 1300h Huxley LT4 Chem Eng ICSCF British Universities 1245h Rm 201 Office Civ Eng 1983 Christian Overview with 2100h 1830h UNSoc speaker meeting. FELIX social evening. Music, Mr Martyn Wells (UCCFF Swedish Foreign Policy and laughter arid conversation with Lecture 'Influence of Associates.) hydrostatic gas pressure on non-aleigned countries. the FELIX Editor and his charm- physical properties of LTA213 ing staff. Admission free. Huxley -Exit can be a little more polymers with particular 1300h 1300h Southside Upper reference to PTFE' followed by difficult. CND and Consoc film show Lounge Balloon Club. an informative film on nuclear 'The Peace War' an aggressive weapons build-up called 2200-2400h IC Radio Alphabet and strong defence of 'American—from Hitler to MX'. Soup with Ajay. Lunacy to deterrents by Falklands 1300h Green Committee Room All welcome. SF Soc library meeting. destroy those sane Thursday reporter Max Hastings. evenings. Discussion afterwards between 1930h JCR Beginners Dance Consoc and CND. Union class. 1300h Lower Refec 1300h Senior Common Room CND general'meeting. Rm 220 War Games meeting. coming ?oon 1930h Mech Eng Debsoc debate This house 1310h basement 9 Princes Fri 25 Nov Guilds Carnival believes CND is undermining Gdns Islamic Soc Quranic with The Chameleons, our deterrent and thereby Circle. International Rescue, steel threatening the peace and bands, 2 discos, Bars till 2pm, defence of this country'. This 1330h meet Beit Arch Cycling films till morning. Atilla the will be one of the most Club training run (30-40 Stockbroker in the Alternative exciting events of the year. miles). Showcase. £3 in advance or Hear Joan Ruddock, Roger £3.50 on the door. Spiller, Peregrine Worsthorne and Gerald Frost. It's your 1400h Rm 401 RSM Micro- Wed 30 Nov 1230h Watching future, be there! computer club. Membership Boat Races. Come to Putney £2. and watch the boat races and win a trophy. Tea in Harrods afterwards. You will need tube 1430h Dramsoc Storeroom fare to Putney and back. Dramsoc Workshop. Fri 2 Dec 2000h Tennis Club JCR/Hall Dinner. Organised by Mike TV sets 1300h Shepherd, Biochem 3 and Common Rm 606 STOIC broadcast News-Break. Christian Langevin, Mech Eng 1700h Elec Eng News, views and entertainment PG. in and around College. IC Education Forum Date etc to be announced Stuart discussion 'Study Skills: how Maxwell, President of SDP Stu- should they be taught?' Tea oonU Music Rm dents talk on the future of the I SDP. from 16:40-1700h. OOUll 53 Princes Gate Lunch-hour concert with LT 303 Gwenneth Pryor at the piano. 1900h Mines CHE/UENG SOC Colour printing demonstration Great Joan Ruddock by Photosoc. Free. 1330h Hall Present Chairperson CND Dept of Humanities film: The 1930h JCR Beginners Dance Invasion of Land. Brian Street President of the Institute of ULU Class Chemical Engineers 1930h Malet St 1730h Aero 254 Gliding Club Chairman of Air Products meeting. Tim Sharp and Aintha ULU talking on 1930h Malet St Innovation: Comments Seminar Rm 611 'Glass Ties' and Case Studies 1745h Elec Eng 2000h JCR 28 November 1983 IC Education Forum video 5:30pm Mines Disco/Party with band 2000h-2200h IC Radio Shiree tape and discussion. Problem- 'Turkey Bones and Wild Dogs' Baker with 'Music to ac- Chem Eng.LTl based professional education. (very vivid stage act!!!) £1.50 company a pleasant evening The talk will be followed by a Video-tape describing the or £1.25 if dressed as pervert. in Cheese and Wine. scheme of problem-based FELIX I \Frlday, 18 November, 19831 I Page 15 What is the missing number in the following sequence: 10 11 12 Morphy Day 13 14 I find Gaynor's cavalier attitude towards Morphy Day 15 rather disturbing. Last year IC students stole dustbin lids 16 from Putney residents' front gardens, dripping blood and 17 21 offal on their way. In some cases dustbins were over- 23 turned and abuse was hurled at protesting residents. And 30 Gaynor couldn't care less. She is unwilling to ensure that 33 ? this vandalism by IC studerts does not happen again, 1111 despite protests to College from residents and the local 111111111111111 MP. As President of IC Union Gaynor is responsible for all activities of any event organised by Union clubs, societies and CCUs. The CCUs may enjoy autonomy Good luck everyone! from IC Union but I should think Gaynor is going to have Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the FELIX a tough time explaining the Union's constitutional nice- Office by 1:00pm on Wednesday, please. £5 from ties to Police and angry residents. Mend-a-Bike for randomly selected winning entry.

Last Week's Solution Rag Week The puzzle was pretty straightforward. If you worked Rag Week is upon us a^iin. I hope you will try and through it you should have got: Chris 13 participate in the events. They are all good fun and for Alan 14 charity. Tonight at 6:00pm is the 'Drink A Pub Dry' event Barry 15 where we try and uphold our reputation as beer swilling Diana 16 louts. Meet 6:00pm Union bar. Elaine 17 Bot Zoo Tea Room The full solution is: Peter Burt has asked me to remind every one concerned about the Bot/Zoo tea room to turn up at the tea-in to be held on Thursday between 10:00 and 11:00am. It is essential for people to turn up in large numbers to impress upon Professor Wood the strength of feeling about the tea room. Those of you who claimed I was being sexist FELIX obviously forget that Chris is short for Christine as I hope to bring out FELIX daily next week. Each issue well as for Christopher. Lots of people got it right, and the randomly selected winner was Richard Fox will be edited by an ex-FELIX Editor, so be prepared for of Chem Eng 3, who must know where to pick up his the worst. What's Ons will still be published in next cheque by now. Friday's issue. I set a couple of fairly easy puzzles in the last two weeks because the ones before had been pretty Credits hard, and this column is not really intended to be just Lynne James, Jon Jones, David Jones, Alison Pratt, Matt for real puzzle fans. Some of the regular entrants have been complaining because they felt these were Fawcett, John Scott, Guy Riddihough, Carl Burgess, Diane far too easy, non-regular entrants have said how Love, Peter Rodgers, J Martin Taylor, Andy Cave, Tony much they liked it. I havesome puzzles up my sleeve, Atkins, Nick Shakley, Simon Nield, Tim Noyce, Maz, Peter for example a problem with a square-wheeled bi- cycle and a long division sum without any digits and all the collators. which I will set soon and will have you wishing you'd Pallab Ghosh kept quiet. If anyone has a puzzle that they'd like me to set, could they please drop them into my box in the FELIX Office. FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Rd, SWT, Tel 01-589 5111 extn 1048 or internal 2881. Editor: Pallab K Ghosh; Business Manager: Peter Rodgers; AdvertisingManager:HughSouthey Copyright FELIX 1983