Review of the year Caribou unmasked How it all began Coffee time From Keith Flint to campus food... Felix Music doles out five very Felix Film has Batman Begins The Hoff says farewell, page 28. and other stories, pages 4 and 5 precious stars, page 21 goodies to give away, page 27 Plus giant Sudoku, page 31

The student newspaper of Imperial College ● Established 1949 ● Issue 1327 ● Thursday 16 June 2005 ● www.felixonline.co.uk

Transport trouble Imperial College Union clubs Location and societies face transport difficulties next year as the Union reveals plans number of parking spaces found available for minibuses is cut. uNEWS page 2 to transform Beit for ‘new Water aid Imperial College mechanical By Dave Edwards Southside engineering students have Editor won an international award for developing a device for Imperial College Union’s Bar’? pasteurising water in rural main building in Beit Quad Nepal. is set to undergo large-scale By Dave Edwards uSCIENCE page 8 refurbishment from early 2006. The Union’s facilities Felix has learnt that College Representing the will be severely disrupted for officials have found a poten- students at least six months and the tial location for a replacement Felix talks to the Union project will cost several mil- for Southside Bar. President about top-up lion pounds, but the process The popular bar will close fees, Southside Bar, student should bring huge benefits its doors for the final time on democracy, great achieve- for students in future years. 24 June, shortly before the ments, big mistakes and a few In last term’s online survey, Southside building is demol- other things as well. 68% of students were in favour ished. Over 3000 people have uINTERVIEW page 16 of improving or refurbish- signed a petition calling for a ing Beit. The Union Council replacement for the bar, which Flying Colours this week agreed to support recently won the Campaign A full list of the recipients a proposal to take forward for Real Ale ‘Club of the Year’ of Imperial College Union planning work on the project, runner-up award. Colours and other awards. which could revolutionise the The ‘Save Our Southside’ uCOLOURS page 15 Union building and its facili- campaign group has been ties. However, some delegates searching for suitable loca- Survey winners suggested that changes in the tions on the South Kensington Find out which lucky readers management of current facili- campus, and it appears that have won half their weight in ties could be more effective one may now have been chocolate, twice their height than a complete overhaul. found. in beer or ten times their The plans have not been We cannot reveal the pre- girth in liquorice pipes. It finalised – a working group cise location at this stage, but could be you... will review them over the Mustafa Arif, President of uSURVEY page 19 summer, student feedback Imperial College Union, said will be sought in the autumn he was “70 to 80% confident” term and the Council is due that it would be transformed to sign off final proposals in into a new College bar in THIS WEEK December. the near future. Discussions News page 2 Some likely changes between students’ groups News Review page 4 include revitalising the tired- The Union’s refurbishment plans for Beit Quad include making more use of the north and the College are ongo- Business page 7 looking main entrance and entrance opposite the Royal Albert Hall, as demonstrated in this architect’s drawing ing. Further details will Science page 8 stairwell, increasing use of appear on the Felix website, Comment page 10 the north entrance next to The refurbishment will give past, the College has allowed unlikely to be well received by www.felixonline.co.uk, in due the Union to borrow funds for Imperial’s conservative stu- Letters page 12 the Royal Albert Hall, moving better facilities for student course. the Student Activities Centre activities and better social major projects on an inter- dent body. Meanwhile, dur- ● Comment, page 10 Columns page 13 to the main building, putting facilities. Students will be est free basis. Also, the new ing the refurbishment, there Felix Interview page 16 in large doors so that the two proud of the new Union building should have great- could be no sports facilities or Clubs and Societies main bars open onto the Quad, building.” er commercial potential, drinking areas at all. This is the last page 18 refurbishing the Union Bar, The entire redevelopment However, the project could Felix of the 2004-5 What’s On page 18 and building a new lounge project could cost anything “Students deserve create a modern building academic year. Music page 20 bar on the first floor. Union between £3m and £10m, focused on students’ needs, officers are considering these depending on which options a much better Union moving Imperial’s recrea- Nightlife page 23 The next issue is and many other alterations are chosen. Funding could building...” tional facilities in line with published in late Arts page 25 as part of a flexible plan from come from the College’s the College’s reputation as Film page 26 their appointed architects. catering and conferences allowing some of the cost to one of the world’s premier September, when Books page 27 Sameena Misbahuddin, the review, which has recom- be repaid over time. universities. the autumn term Coffee Break page 28 Union’s Deputy President mended investing £7m to Some aspects of the pro- Further details on the rede- begins. From all of Puzzles page 31 (Finance and Services), told £8m into bar and catering posals could be controver- velopment plans are available us: have a great Felix: “Students deserve a facilities across the South sial. The architects’ plans at www.union.ic.ac.uk. Sport page 32 much better Union building. Kensington campus. In the for rebranding the Union are ● Comment, page 10 summer! Felix 2 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

NEWS

Issue 1327 Transport trouble for Felix wins Editor Dave Edwards President’s Business Editor clubs and societies Award Numaan Chaudhry

Science Editor Felix has won this year’s Darius Nikbin Imperial College Union President’s Award for Clubs Music Editor and Societies. Andrew Sykes The Union has over 250 clubs and societies, more Nightlife Editor than any other students’ Simon Clark union in the UK. Each year, one outstanding club or soci- Arts Editor ety is selected for the award, Paola Smith which last year was won by the rugby club. Books Editor The President, Mustafa Arif, Martin Smith said he was impressed by the quality and quantity of mate- Film Editor rial produced by Felix this Alan Ng year, the high standard of its spin-off magazine I, Science and the way Felix has been run as a Union club. Dave Edwards, editor of Felix, said: “I’ve got a great team of people working with Felix me on Felix this year and I’m Beit Quad pleased to be rewarded for Prince Consort Road what we’ve done. We made London SW7 2BB a lot of changes and most of them have gone down very Telephone: 020 7594 8072 well. I hope everyone has Email: [email protected] enjoyed reading the newspa- Web: www.felixonline.co.uk per as much as we’ve enjoyed Registered newspaper putting it together.” ISSN 1040-0711 Imperial College Union clubs, societies and other groups rely heavily upon the Union’s minibus fleet for transport. Mr Arif also gave Under College proposals, the majority of the minibuses will be relocated to Wilson House in Paddington President’s awards to College Copyright © Felix 2005 Secretary Tony Mitcheson, By Dave Edwards cut by around one third. Mr Lehmann also said: the Union’s predicament, but Union Council chair Danny Printed by Sharman and Editor However, the Union faces a “All equipment is based in in discussions we’ve had, I Sharpe, student representa- Company, Peterborough much greater reduction, from South Kensington, as are 98% have not heard them make tive Will Dawson, Deputy Imperial College Union clubs ten spaces to just four. of minibus users, so leaving one concession. The Union President Richard Walker and societies face transport The Union currently owns from Wilson House is totally has grown its number of vans and staff member Richard difficulties next year as the nine minibuses that are impractical.” He explained over the years without any Washington. number of parking spaces based in South Kensington, that many drivers are female authority, I’m told.” Colours and other awards available for minibuses is behind Linstead Hall. With and it would be dangerous for Miss Pinn added: “We’ve were given to a total of 50 cut. the demolition of Southside, them to have to walk back to got a breathing space individual students for posi- The College currently has five of those will be moved to South Kensington at night. until November [when the tive contributions to the 342 parking spaces on its Wilson House in Paddington. Diana Pinn, Assistant Southside spaces are lost] to Union. Fellowships were South Kensington campus. Dan Lehmann, the Union’s Director of Estates, told Felix: try to sort this out.” given to Richard Plackett, 98 of those will be unavail- Transport Manager, claims “Everybody is unhappy about Mustafa Arif, President of James Robinson and Nicola able while Southside is being that this will “add nearly two the car parking. We have a Imperial College Union, said Williams for continuous and redeveloped, so all depart- hours to the trip” and hence limited number of spaces he was “confident of resolv- exceptional long-term serv- ments and faculties are hav- “severely restrict student and we just can’t fit every- ing the issue by November”. ice. A full list of award win- ing their number of spaces activity”. body in. I sympathise with ● Comment, page 10 ners can be found on page 15.

“Drawing Together: The Big Draw meets Carnival”

Sunday 2 October 2005

A fun start to the new academic year!

The National Launch of The Big Draw will take place in and around the institutions of Exhibition Road on Sunday 2 October 2005. Interactive drawing and carnival activities will be taking place throughout the day, culminating in a carnival procession.

Visit the events website for further information nearer the time: www.imperial.ac.uk/events If you want more information, or would like to help out, contact [email protected]

Felix 4 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

NEWS REVIEW Imperial 2004-5: Felix news

Future of Wye campus in doubt Students to have no voice on College Council?

Last summer, Imperial College announced In September, we brought you news of the plans to transfer most courses away from College’s proposal to remove all student the Wye campus, close the department representation from its main governing of Agricultural Sciences and consider the body. We asked how the Council of an aca- future of the campus in a review. demic institution could govern effectively The Department of Agricultural Sciences, without representatives from the student which is wholly based at Wye, was making a population. loss of £1.8m per year. Professor Sir Leszek Mustafa Arif, President of Imperial Borysiewicz, the Deputy Rector designate, College Union, called the proposals “mis- said: “The Faculty of Life Sciences’ pres- guided” and told Felix: “Students are the ence at the Wye campus in its current con- most important stakeholders in higher edu- figuration is not economically viable.” cation. Council is there to hold management The College insisted that students start- and he could not guarantee that current to account over the College’s long term against the change, and three weeks later ing courses at Wye up to and including 2005 students would complete their courses at strategy. The College’s future depends on it was decided that the Union President would not be affected, but in an interview Wye. attracting and retaining the best students, would remain a member of the Council with Felix in May, Professor Borysiewicz Undergraduate teaching will contin- so student representatives should be able after all. However, the number of elected told us that prospective students in agricul- ue at Wye, but only in Applied Business to contribute to that process.” members of academic staff on the govern- tural sciences would have to look elsewhere Management. Students were successful in lobbying ing body was cut from six to one.

Former Prodigy star assaults student at Union Imperial ranked world’s 14th best university

An Imperial student was assaulted in dBs Imperial College appeared in 14th place in by Keith Flint, the former Prodigy vocalist, a list of the best universities in the world, and two other men. compiled by The Times Higher Education Mr Flint, 35, and his new band Clever Supplement and published in November. Brains Fryin’, played live at the Union Harvard University, in Massachusetts, as part of Freshers Week. During their took first place by a considerable margin. performance, the student, who does not Seven of the top ten institutions in the list wish to be named, was apparently danc- were American. ing the ‘macarena’ in front of the stage. Imperial was ranked fourth among UK This may have offended the band members. universities, behind Oxford, Cambridge and According to witnesses, Mr Flint and two the London School of Economics. The only of his colleagues then jumped down off the other European university in the top 20 was stage and began to punch the student, who es. According to a senior Union source, the ETH Zurich, Switzerland, in tenth place. In an interview with Felix in May, the was left with cuts and bruises to the head police were prepared to make arrests at the Mustafa Arif, President of Imperial College Rector, Sir Richard Sykes, said that and face. scene for actual bodily harm. Union, commented: “It’s a good thing for “Imperial has done extremely well” to be Later that night, police officers ques- The assault was an isolated incident in Imperial students, when they graduate, to ranked so highly. “It’s an amazing feat when tioned the band members and the student, an otherwise successful Freshers Week for have the value of their degrees recognised you think we’re not even 100 years old,” he who eventually decided not to press charg- Imperial College Union. by employers across the world”. added.

Pay problems for student staff Departments break rules on working hours

Students who work part time for Imperial In November, Felix revealed that students engineering were among those affected. College suffered serious problems receiv- in a number of College departments were Professor Rees Rawlings, the Pro Rector ing their pay between October and March. having to attend lectures and tutorials at for Educational Quality, told Felix that he Despite opposition from the Union, weekly times supposedly reserved for humanities was disappointed to hear about the issue, pay was scrapped in the autumn term, with classes and lunch breaks. continuing: “The situation is quite clear. the College imposing a monthly pay system. According to the Imperial College website, Certain times of day should be kept free for Student staff complained about a range of “on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and these activities. By now, all departments issues, including a lack of communication, Fridays in the autumn and spring terms should be aware of this and timetable their insufficient compensation payments, short there is a two-hour break at midday for the activities accordingly.” notice, incorrect tax deductions and the fact lunch-hour Humanities Programme”. The problems have since been solved in that some non-student staff were still being However, some students had regular lec- some cases, but a significant number of paid weekly. Some workers even quit their tures, tutorials or labs between noon and students still have classes timetabled in the jobs as a result. reintroduced weekly pay from 1 March. 2pm. In the worst cases, first year students ‘no-go’ areas of lunchtimes and Wednesday The change was made in order to cut Malcolm Aldridge, the College’s Financial attended lectures and classes continuously afternoons. costs and make it easier to co-ordinate pay- Controller, admitted: “Paying students on from 10am until 6pm in the autumn term. “Students need to bring the examples to ments. However, under considerable pres- a monthly cycle was leading to recruitment Students in aeronautics, chemistry, elec- the Union so they can be brought to me,” sure, the College reversed the decision and problems in our organisation.” trical engineering and information systems said Rawlings in an interview in May.

President survives confidence votes High turnout as election results announced

The President of Imperial College Union, The turnout in this year’s Imperial College Mustafa Arif, survived two votes of confi- Union sabbatical elections reached a record dence this year. high of more than 2800 votes – over 22% of In October, he offered his resignation the student body. but then withdrew it a day later. Having Mustafa Arif, the current President, originally written in an email, “I no longer expressed his pleasure at the turnout, say- believe that I am up to the job,” Mr Arif ing: “The Union is now in a much stronger quickly changed his mind and told us: “It is position to legitimately represent students in the best interests of the Union that I con- than at any time in its history.” tinue in office and serve out the remainder Sameena Misbahuddin, the current of my term.” Deputy President (Finance and Services) Then, in March, physics postgraduate was elected as President, overcoming her Tom Tibbits brought a second motion of the relevant committees. Mr Arif called it nearest challenger Morten Olesen by 1126 lot of work ahead, as always, but I’ll do my no confidence to Union Council, alleging “silliness”. votes to 862 after the other candidates’ very best to justify the faith of those who that Mr Arif was guilty of bad manage- After almost three hours of deliberation, votes had been reallocated. supported me.” ment, intimidation, a lack of communica- the President remained in post when only Miss Misbahuddin told Felix: “I was The Deputy Presidents will be Tim Aplin, tion, and steamrollering through various eight members voted in favour of dismiss- delighted to be voted President and I’m Simon Matthews and Sarah Khatib. Rupert high-level changes without the approval of ing him. looking forward to it immensely. There’s a Neate will be next year’s Felix editor. Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 5

[email protected] review of the year

Former student set for US terrorism trial Last orders for Southside Bar

The case of Babar Ahmad, who studied When the Southside area is rebuilt next engineering and went on to work in ICT at year, the popular Southside Bar will not be Imperial College, appeared in Felix and the replaced. The building, which also contains national news on several occasions. halls of residence and the health centre, Mr Ahmad, 31, has been in prison since is due to be demolished in July. College last August. He stands accused of run- redevelopment plans make no allowance ning websites to raise funds and recruit for a bar. new members for terrorist organisations Imperial College Union was given the in Chechnya and Afghanistan. His case is option of using the communal space in the first to be heard under the Extradition Linstead Hall for a replacement bar, but Act 2003, which allows British citizens to be rejected it. “It would be unfair to leave extradited to the US without the need for Linstead students with no private communal any evidence to be provided and without the said: “I know, and God knows, that I am not space,” said Mustafa Arif, the President. groups are investigating alternative loca- accused being given any chance to respond a terrorist and that I have not done any- Just weeks before its closure, Southside tions but are running out of time – Southside to the allegations. thing wrong or illegal.” Bar won the runner-up award in the nation- will close its doors for good on 24 June. The In December, after a highly charged In May, as hundreds of people protested al ‘Club of the Year’ competition run by the situation is set to worsen when the Union Council meeting, Imperial College Union outside Bow Street Magistrates Court, a Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA). bars in Beit Quad are closed for refurbish- decided to campaign for his release from judge ruled in favour of Mr Ahmad’s extra- Meanwhile, over 3000 people have signed ment next year. There are plans for a new prison. dition. The final decision now rests with the a petition calling for the continued existence bar when Linstead hall is rebuilt, but this is Writing for Felix in January, Mr Ahmad Home Secretary. of “a Southside Bar” on campus. Students’ unlikely to occur for several years.

Campus food unhealthy and overpriced, College clothing controversy

say students Union staff told Felix that they were asked to stop selling certain items of clothing Students believe that the food available which were seen as offensive to the Imperial on Imperial College’s main campus is College brand. unhealthy and overpriced, according to a The College’s Director of Communica- Felix poll conducted in May. tions, Ardi Kolah, and Director of Project Of the students interviewed, only 26% felt Management, Chris Towler, visited the that food on campus was ‘healthy’ and just Union shop on the Sherfield walkway in 32% believed it was ‘good value for money’. May. “I understand that my staff found The poll also shows that caterers would be them quite threatening and intimidating,” wise to reconsider the nutritional content of said Union President Mustafa Arif. their food, with 67% of students saying they The staff felt that they had been asked would be interested in healthier options he said. to take various items – bearing the name like the Matrix spin-off and so on.” than already exist. Many of the sandwiches sold in the JCR ‘Imperial College London’ without using the Mr Kolah said: “We’re working together Edward Lilley, Imperial’s Catering contain worryingly high levels of salt and new logo – off the shelves. to find a solution to this. There is policy on Manager, told Felix that the College serves are significantly more expensive than simi- Mr Arif continued: “It was stock that was how the brand ought to be used, and there food that is popular with students. “We lar products offered by local stores such as apparently ‘offensive to the brand’, in par- should have been more importance placed provide customers with what they want,” Boots and Marks & Spencer. ticular the underwear and the fun T-shirts, on following that to the letter.”

Staff say central library is ‘an embarrassment’ Imperial cyclists killed on Cromwell Road

Imperial College’s central library has that their library would remain open for 18 A postgraduate student and an ICT man- become “an embarrassment” and “a total months. But it was later announced that it ager were both killed while cycling in the dump,” according to some members of its would close this summer. South Kensington area. The two accidents staff. In letters to Felix in May, two cen- Helen Dawson, the mechanical engineer- occurred on the same road within three tral library librarians launched a scathing ing department representative, told Felix: months of each other. attack on College management for “putting “The students are gobsmacked that such Apijak Srivannavit, from Thailand, was finances before education”. an important resource in our department studying for an MSc in environmental engi- Sir Richard Sykes, the Rector, told Felix is being closed down, and it is a sore blow neering. It appears that he was at the junc- that the central library is “not an embar- when we thought the library was saved for tion of Queen’s Gate and Cromwell Road rassment, absolutely not. This is the way now. No effort has been made to move the when he was hit by a coach in late May. He forward, it has to be 24 hours a day, seven library to unused store rooms in a bid to was 26. days a week.” keep it.” Thomas Sippel-Dau, who was 54 and origi- Meanwhile, the mechanical engineer- Sir Richard said that the College needs nally from Germany, had worked in ICT at Cromwell Road, reducing the impact of dan- ing department library will be transferred to transfer “as many of the departmen- Imperial for many years. He was knocked gerous motor vehicles and better reflecting to the central library despite opposition tal libraries as possible” to the central off his bicycle and killed on Cromwell Road its place in the cultural heart of London. from students. A petition signed by over library, “because you cannot work in a by a 4x4 vehicle which then drove away. Practical advice for cyclists and informa- 400 mechanical engineering students was departmental library 24 hours a day, 7 days Imperial College Union called on students tion on campaigning are available at www. handed to staff, who then assured them a week”. and staff to unite in demanding changes to union.ic.ac.uk/icbug/cromwell.html.

In brief

● Due to timetabling issues and the way the ● Tony Blair visited a research laboratory ● Smoking was banned in Da Vinci’s Bar ● Eighties superstar Mr T joined an elite College term dates were arranged, many in Imperial College’s chemistry department for a trial period beginning in March. The group of physicists in May, when his picture students faced the difficult prospect of having in March. On the same day, the Government bar, on the South Kensington campus, was appeared in a display of Nobel Laureates in only a two-week Christmas break in which to announced that it would invest £10bn into UK officially smoke-free all day every day for the Blackett Laboratory. The prank amused revise for their final exams. The Christmas scientific research. three months. students as they revised for exams, but the vacation usually lasts for three weeks. The Prime Minister and Patricia Hewitt, The response to the trial was mixed – more photograph was soon removed. the Trade and Industry Secretary, visited positive comments were received than nega- ● In February, Felix exclusively revealed Professor Donna Blackmond, a US citizen tive ones, but support for the ban was not high ● The Imperial College Union summer ball that the Imperial College Union shop and who holds the College’s chair in catalysis. enough to convince the Union to introduce it secured over £34,000 in funding and, accord- newsagent were selling three Cadbury’s on a full-time basis. Smoking is now permit- ing to the organisers, “looks set to be a Creme Eggs for just 90p. ● Death threats were made to College secu- ted after 9pm on weekday evenings and any great event”. The Hollywood-themed ball has The shop and the newsagent, located on rity guards by a group of aggressive young time at weekends, again for a trial period. On been promoted around campus by charac- the Sherfield Walkway, were inundated by men, at least one of whom was carrying a our letters page, students have expressed ters ranging from ‘Marilyn Monroe’ to ‘Darth crazed students desperate for the fondant- weapon, as they left a Union event in Beit their disappointment at the reintroduction of Vader’. It will take place this Saturday on the filled treats. Quad in February. smoking in Da Vinci’s. South Kensington campus. WinWin aa RoundRound thethe WorldWorld TicketTicket 28th and 29th June 2005 Advance bookings only Hall 1, Wembley Exhibition Centre

There’s a lot that goes into planning a successful Gap Year so first plan a visit to the GapYear Show The UK’s largest and most comprehensive exhibition dedicated to helping UK Gappers make the most of their year out

Ticket donated by Save £3 - book on line and get automatic entry to the RTW ticket draw at www.gapyearshow.co.uk or phone the ticket hotline on 01453 843271 www.statravel.co.uk

Fancy doing some volunteering? Why not get active in the community whilst you’re at Imperial College London? It doesn’t matter if you work or study in Imperial – volunteering will have always something to offer you! We have over 250 volunteering opportunities in our database, so there should be a project for you.

The easiest way to get regular updates about volunteering is by signing up to our mailing list. You will receive all the latest opportunities on a weekly basis, directly to your email inbox. Simply send us an email to [email protected], clearly stating that you want to receive the weekly news bulletin and we will do the rest!

Imperial Volunteer Centre

email phone check out volunteering 020 www. Imperial Volunteer Centre @ 7594 imperial.ac.uk/ imperial.ac.uk 8141 volunteering South Kensington campus Union Building Beit Quadrangle East Basement Linking opportunities Prince Consort Road IN PARTNERSHIP WITH IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION London SW7 2BB Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 7

Business [email protected] Latest from the Square Mile Numaan Chaudhry brings you the freshest hand-picked business news

Shell comes clean investment plans had been financial regulatory bodies in jurors acquitted the Bank of filed by Spitzer, whose relent- the New York Supreme Court approved. the US and UK respectively, America’s broker, Theodore less pursuit of firms operat- judge who heard Mr Sihpol’s For the first time in it’s his- Under its new rules, Shell in July, following a string of C Sihpol III, of ‘late trading’. ing outside the law has seen case. tory as a PLC, Royal Dutch/ said that for a major field of restatements after the com- Late trading involves the their shares drop by over Shell Group has published 50m barrels of oil equivalent pany allegedly boosted its exchange of mutual fund 50%. Final words it’s internal guidelines for or more, the final investment numbers artificially. The pay- shares after the close of Richard Grasso, the former estimating reserves of oil and approval must be received ments didn’t imply a recogni- trade (4pm). Trades posted head of the New York Stock In this past year, we’ve tried natural gas. before a project is booked tion of guilt, but the company after that time are supposed Exchange, has also chosen to bring you news that is rel- The guidelines were tight- in its reserves. However, for is still the target of related to receive a price set the fol- to prepare a defence for trial evant and interesting to the ened last year after the com- smaller oil fields, Shell must class-action lawsuits in the lowing day. But, in a battle instead of reaching settle- business-minded students pany disclosed that it had also have evidence that sim- US. of wits, Sihpol was acquit- ments with the New York’s of Imperial College. We’ve significantly overestimated ilar projects have come to In case one wonders why ted as late trading was never Attorney General. Mr Spitzer tried to present a fair, true its oil reserves. The revised fruition as this would prevent such guidelines are so impor- considered improper before last year filed a lawsuit and rounded picture of the rules now meet US regula- unnecessary environmental tant, they can have a major he was being prosecuted and against Mr Grasso, arguing state of some of the world’s tory guidelines and help put damage. impact on the share price of arrested in September 2004. that his compensation pack- baddest governments, mam- behind it an accounting scan- It said all proven reserves stocks, especially when esti- C Evan Stewart, Sihpol’s age represented excessive moth power-hungry corpora- dal that unfolded in early must be monitored at every mates, profits and revenues lawyer, praised him for aban- remuneration for the head of tions and ugliest billionaires. 2004. year end, to make sure are revealed to the world by doning the traditional settle- a not-for-profit organisation. Unfortunately for you, you’re The Anglo-Dutch oil com- prior bookings are still valid. a PLC like Shell. ment with Spitzer and going His case has not yet been in a country run by one of pany cut its estimate of Documentation of changes at to court to contest his allega- scheduled. those governments, you’ll reserves by more than a third the reservoir level must be Spitzer subdued tion. In this case, it paid off. Three other executives in probably join one of the mam- since last January and has carried out each year. Sihpol’s success is a fairly the mutual fund industry are moth corporations and, like faced criticism of its account- The disclosure comes after New York Attorney General significant achievement, as scheduled to defend charg- certain Imperial graduates, ing practices, such as booking a $150m settlement with both Eliot Spitzer last week had it will encourage other firms es of permitting improper you might just end up as one reserves on projects before the SEC and the FSA, the his lawsuit defeated as that have pending lawsuits mutual fund trading before of the ugly billionaires!

“How much oil have we really got then?” Adjustments will now be made as to how Shell’s reserved are calculated and presented to the public Felix 8 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

Science [email protected] Imperial engineers helping make poverty history Forget Geldof and Bono. Over the next few decades, today’s engineers will make the real changes. Dan Wilson reports on an event promoting enginnering solutions to aid developing countries

It is estimated that more junction with a student from dents from industrialised than 1.1 billion people do not the University of Tribhuvan and developing countries to have access to clean drink- in Kathmandu, Nepal. work together on proposals ing water. By heating water Back in December 2004, for sustainable engineering to 65°C for five minutes the the project was entered for applications to aid develop- water becomes pasteurised, the Mondialogo Engineering ing countries. killing 99.999% of all harmful Award, an international con- An international jury bacteria – a simple yet neces- assessed project ideas for sary process. “The Imperial water sustainability, feasibility The Developing Technolo- and quality of communica- gies Department in Mech- pasteurisation project tion within the project group. anical Engineering, headed was entered for the More than 1700 engineers by Ron Dennis, is a registered Mondialogo and students from 79 nations charity which aims to provide registered for the contest, engineering solutions to the Engineering Award...” forming 412 international developing world. This year, teams. From this, 40 final- a group of third year Imperial test organised by UNESCO ists were selected in March students embarked on devel- and DaimlerChrysler. The and two Imperial College oping a water pasteurising award is an initiative aimed teams were lucky enough to unit for use in cookstoves in at promoting intercultural be nominated. rural parts of Nepal as their dialogue among young engi- As the culmination of the ‘Design, Make & Test’ project. neers around the world. contest, the Mondialogo The project was run in con- The initiative calls on stu- Symposium was held in Berlin on 27-30 May, and A team of Imperial College mechanical engineering students won an award for two representatives from developing a device for pasteurising water in rural Nepal. Over one billion people in the water pasteuriser team, the world do not have access to clean drinking water Dan Wilson and Marcus Rafla, went along for the four Underground and student overflowing with champagne Zaina Naboor. The prize day event. A total of 65 par- living. and, of course, nice cars. money is going to be used to ticipants from 28 countries The Symposium consisted The tension was high but fund an expedition to Nepal attended, making it a truly of a mixture of sightseeing, as the winners were called to carry out further research international event span- tours of the DaimlerChrysler to the stage it soon became and testing of the pasteuris- ning both the industrialised plant and lots of food and apparent that all 21 teams in ing device. and developing worlds. The drink to ease the intercultur- the attendance had won. All DaimlerChrysler has yet to Nepalese student, Sushobhan al dialogue. On the last day, teams received a prize fund announce if it will support Joshi, made the 4000 mile trip a series of workshops took of €15000 along with the glory another award next year, but and met his team mates face place in order to exchange of being an international if this year is anything to go to face for the first time . ideas on the contributions of engineering award winner. by, it will be a storming suc- Naturally, with Daimler engineering to sustainable Congratulations go to the cess. Chrysler being the owners development and poverty entire team for all their hard ● If you would like to of Mercedes, the teams were reduction, followed by the work: Dan Wilson, Jonathan find out more or are chauffeured around in their prizegiving ceremony in the Tweed, Caroline Robertson, interested in participat- fleet of S classes and put up evening. Held in Mercedes’ Philip Wassouf, Marcus ing next year, contact Winning engineers (left to right): Dan Wilson, Sushobhan in a luxurious hotel – a wel- flagship showroom, the cer- Rafla, John Latham, Alex [email protected] for Joshi and Marcus Rafla at the awards evening come change to the London emony was a lavish event Parker, Julian Soon and further details Tam Dalyell leaves, New Scientist loses political edge Zoë Corbyn discovers that ‘National Enquirer of science magazines’ will not replace its long-serving political columnist

For more than 36 years, par- Michael Bond, Opinion Senior one column after all... but liament’s greatest dissenter, Editor at New Scientist, the the plot thickens. It seems This week’s Tam Dalyell, has been bring- answer appears twofold. ‘Westminster Diary’ is not headlines in ing another dimension to Firstly, “Dalyell is pretty irre- the only political column New Scientist New Scientist magazine with placeable frankly. Because he New Scientist has axed. his column, ‘Westminster was Father of the House, he ‘Washington Diary’, provid- Diary’. had all the experience and ing the inside story on the Superfast ‘gun’ He has shown us science incredible access to politi- American political scene addresses Jupiter’s from the inside, highlighting cians. There was no-one real- since 1994, has also made the issues on the lips of the ly suitable on that level.” a departure. Andreas Frew OBLONG PLANET core issues politicians in the corridors of But New Scientist also (alias Chris Joyce and Joe power and doing his utmost envisages itself doing some- Palca from the National Public Kinky bypass grafts to goad them into action. thing different with the Radio science desk) had their last longer But while the Labour back- pages. According to Bond, last regular spot at the end of PROVES TIME IS bencher may have retired at it is not to say that in the May too. the last election – duly leav- future there won’t be people So is New Scientist mov- Dolphins teach ing the House of Commons in Westminster writing about ing away from the politics of YELLOW their children to use in April 2005 – it seems that politics, but “political cover- science? All we can do now sponges New Scientist has also per- age will come in different for- is speculate and wait to see. manently retired his column. mats rather than just through Perhaps this just a freak (WOW! NOW BUY ME.) ‘Westminster Diary’, the last one column, for example an New Scientist blip, or per- Voters give of which appeared last month, opinion piece from a politician haps it will herald the begin- thumbs down to is no more. or an analysis.” nings of a new chapter for the But why not find a replace- So Dalyell is an irreplace- magazine: science minus the New Scientist has dumped its political columns, babyfaced ment columnist? According to able columnist, and it is only politics. ‘Westminster Diary’ and ‘Washington Diary’ Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 9

SCIENCE [email protected] Shooting stars to predict climate change At the edge of space, the Eath’s atmosphere may actually be cooling. Emma-Lynn Donadieu reports on scientists using an unusual technique to monitor the mesosphere “It’s a bit like going to Ikea pressures are so low that the create a column of ionised gas this day after day after day, so monitoring techniques, a pretty sight but may reveal and buying a flat-pack. It chemistry changes and car- a couple of metres across and we can continually monitor flat-pack radar on a remote new insights into a poorly comes in several boxes, you bon dioxide acts as a refriger- tens of kilometres in length. the temperature for as long as Antarctic beach won’t provide understood part of the atmos- put it together, plug it in, turn ant. Unfortunately, at heights Using the radar, the team the radar is running.” the definitive answer on cli- phere, enabling scientists to the power on and hope that of 80-100km the mesosphere is can bounce radio waves off the The radar in Antarctica is mate change. Nevertheless, fit another piece into the com- it doesn’t blow up,” explains notoriously difficult to investi- ionized gas columns to pro- the latest addition in a glo- shooting stars are not just a plex climate puzzle. Dr Peter Younger, a postdoc gate, so the rate at which it is duce distinctive echoes, which bal array being installed by from the University of Bath. cooling is unknown. act rather like thermometers. the University of Bath group. He recently returned from a “The mesosphere is too The way the echoes decay Their most recent edition two-month expedition brav- high to reach by Met balloons as the ionisation diffuses is was purposely built as a clone ing severe gales, some rath- or aeroplanes so you can’t fly dependent on the tempera- of another radar inside the er aggressive fur seals and a thermometer up there. You ture of the mesosphere. By Arctic Circle in northern ‘horrific’ wind chill, to set up can fly a rocket through it analysing this decay, scientists Sweden and will enable them a radar the size of a foot- with a thermometer attached, can obtain accurate tempera- to compare the upper atmos- ball field on a rocky beach in but a rocket gives you a snap- ture measurements to within phere of the Arctic with that Antarctica. shot and it costs £100,000 a five degrees centigrade. Data of the Antarctic. The new radar, a joint the group at the University of New physical phenom- project between the “The team will explore Bath have analysed to date ena may already be appear- University of Bath and the reveals an extremely chilly ing because of the cooling British Antarctic Survey, will the theory that the mesosphere with tempera- trend in the mesosphere. allow scientists to measure mesosphere may be tures delving as low as –130 These include unusual clouds climate change in the meso- cooling by as much as degrees Centigrade. known as noctilucent clouds sphere, the highest layer of By continually monitoring and sprites formed by gigan- the Earth’s atmosphere at the one degree centigrade temperature fluctuations in tic lightening discharges very edge of space. per year” the mesosphere, Professor from clouds up into the meso- Luckily for Dr Younger, this Mitchell and his team hope sphere. radar is entirely autonomous time,” explains Professor to separate known changes For us here on Earth the and can be controlled via the Nick Mitchell, who heads the in the upper atmosphere effects of are likely to be less internet from the warmth of project in the Department associated with the Sun’s 11- dramatic. How a cooling mes- an office. of Electronic and Electrical year solar cycle from climate osphere interacts with the The team at the University Engineering at the University change caused by carbon warming lower atmosphere of Bath will use the radar of Bath. “But fortunately, dioxide produced on Earth. has yet to be determined. to explore the theory that nature provides us with an “The mesosphere has been “There is some theoretical while the lower atmosphere excellent answer to the prob- called the miner’s canary for work that suggests that there is warming; the mesosphere lem of investigating the meso- climate change; meaning that are coupling processes that may be cooling by as much as sphere.” it is very sensitive and the can connect what happens one degree Centigrade a year. Meteors the size of a grain changes there may be larg- upstairs with what happens Under the higher pressures of of sand burn up in the meso- er than in any other part of downstairs. The effects, if the lower atmosphere, carbon sphere creating the romantic the atmosphere,” comments they are there, are subtle and dioxide has a reputation as a phenomena of shooting stars. Professor Mitchell. “The mysterious and are simply greenhouse gas and acts as Hitting the upper atmosphere great advantage of the radar not well understood,” explains an efficient heating agent. In at a typical velocity of 12 to 17 is that we can pick up 5000 Professor Mitchell. the mesosphere, however, the kilometres per second, they meteors a day and we can do Like the myriad of other Shooting star events take place in the mesosphere This week at the Dana Centre Arrest this man, he talks in maths...

Expand your mind for FREE, right next to Imperial College’s South Ken campus.

Inquiries and bookings: Tel: 020 7942 4040 Email: [email protected]

Thursday 16 June 7.30pm Astro Black Morphologies Join Anna Piva and Eddie George, the artist-musicians behind Astro Black Morphologies, and experts from the worlds of astrophysics, electronic music and art to participate in a dialogue about contemporary astronomy and sound art

Tuesday 21 June 12.30pm Cooleurs A multimedia fusion of live and recorded images and music: part composed, part im- provised, completely entertaining! Members of the Music, Art and Performance group from the Royal College of Art and Guildhall School of Music cook up a lunchtime feast

Wed 22 June 7pm Premature babies: life but at what cost? Many babies born prematurely cling on to life and somehow pull through. How do doctors and parents make almost impossible decisions about the lives of these miracle children? Thursday 23 June 7pm On ,the sedge of iImperialence College Neuroethics: the ethics of brain research I c The rapid pace of brain research points towards new ways to understand the brain and ourselves. Find out about the hopes and fears of those at the leading edge of Pick up your free copy now in your department, brain research and take part in a discussion on ‘neuroethics’. the library, the Union building, SCR, JCR... Felix 10 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

Comment [email protected] The joy of... columns Well, having contributed to this work they’ve started. esteemed organ more than a dozen UNCLE SAM Some things I’ve been involved in, times throughout the year, this is it such as the Strategic Review and – my last column. I’m quite sad really... the QAA Audit, may take quite a few in more ways than one. years to manifest themselves. I think Beit redevelopment is long it would be quite interesting to come Accommodation back in ten years’ time to see the overdue transformation to Princes Gardens It was my birthday on Tuesday, and I and the Union Building. Hopefully I’ll mperial College is ranked in the top four UK universities and the was stuck at work, busy interviewing have better things to do. top 15 in the world. From next year, many of its students will be wardens for the new halls which are Ipaying £3000 per year in tuition fees, while those from overseas being opened to replace the capacity Your Union will pay well over £10,000. A students’ union with good social and lost by the demolition of Southside. recreational facilities is essential to building a vibrant university Now that’s been an interesting project, We’ve said it countless times before, community in which students can both learn and enjoy themselves. and not without its controversies but this is your Union, and you should For all these reasons and more, the outdated facilities in Beit Quad either! Needless to say, I don’t want SAM RORKE use it as such. You should take the must be redeveloped and brought into the 21st century. to reopen any cans of worms (since DEPUTY PRESIDENT opportunities which are available to The exact specifics of the redevelopment are to be considered over Mustafa seems able enough at that), make your views known. You could the coming months. All students should be encouraged to find out but I am glad that the College is finally (EDUCATION & WELFARE) always stand to serve on a commit- more and submit feedback via the Union website – not only because getting round to sorting out a hall of tee, or Council. You could vote! Why their views are important, but also so that they know they are part residence which is ceasing to operate exit survey, so that we can improve the am I telling you all this now, at the of the process. as it should. I don’t say that without provision of accommodation to future end of the year? Maybe you haven’t It is crucial that Imperial College Union provides facilities that are affection for the place though, since I generations of students. been involved in the Union or one of useful and events that are appealing, all together in a building that lived there for three years; I think we its clubs and societies this year... you its students can be proud of. If the Union is confident, dedicated to should all give the hall, and the bar, Patience could reflect over the summer about the task and willing to make big changes – and if the College can a good send-off, and look forward to what you want to get out of your stu- be persuaded to part with the cash – then there is no reason why ushering in the new. It always seems to be future genera- dent experience, since you only get our Union building cannot become the envy of the rest of the higher Accommodation has probably been tions who benefit from our labours. A one shot at it. Why not come to the education world. one of the more interesting (and con- turning point in my job was when I Summer Ball on Saturday? And yes, tentious at times) areas of my job. I stopped expecting instant results and that was a cheap plug. have enjoyed being involved in the recognised that many of the things I Transport trouble could cut selection of new wardens and sub- was working on would not benefit the And finally… wardens, and firmly believe that the student body until future years. Once student activity quality of pastoral care that freshers I realised that, my frustration dimin- As I said before, this is my last column. receive in our halls easily outstrips ished and my enthusiasm increased. It’s been a pleasure working for you, t is totally understandable that each section of the Imperial the competition from other universi- I guess that’s one reason why col- and with you, if you are a fellow officer College community must lose parking spaces during the Southside ties. So well done to the wardens for leagues of mine have decided to stand or member of College or Union staff. Irebuilding project, when 98 spaces will be out of use. But how can that! I have been quite busy working for sabbatical positions for a second I’ve had a great year. Enjoy the sum- it be fair that departments and faculties face cuts of around one third with Residences to develop a good year, so that they can see through the mer, and don’t get sunburnt. when Imperial College Union faces a 60% reduction? Student activities at Imperial depend on transport to a large extent, especially considering the central London location of the main cam- pus. The Union’s minibuses are frequently used, most often by sports teams, and their relocation will cause considerable delay and incon- venience to club members in their already busy schedules. Feeling the sand Extra-curricular activities produce well-rounded, employable stu- dents. Without sufficient transport, participation will become far more difficult. Unfortunately, it would seem that the College does not realise how important these activities are. beneath your feet?

Saving Southside: location, It’s not long now until all you guys will their finances. Sometimes, unfortu- be off for a nice long summer break. ADVICE SERVICE nately, companies try to take students location, location Of course, some of you will be off for for granted and treat them unfairly. good, and perhaps others are hang- If this happens to you, the IAC can ess space in the new Southside building means no room ing around to work academically or to advise you on your statutory rights for a new Southside Bar. Campaigners have already made earn some extra money. at work and can write letters to these Lsignificant progress in persuading the authorities that there This has been my first academic employers on your behalf. is enough demand for a new bar, but on a campus where there is year at Imperial as the adviser and Over the summer we also get a lot of already intense demand for space, the problem of finding a location I can honestly say it has been one academic appeals, so we are going to has proved a major difficulty. of the most interesting and chal- produce an information sheet which Now, however, it appears that a suitable spot in South Kensington lenging years that I’ve experienced. talks students through the process. may have been found. Whilst we would not wish to ‘jinx’ the proc- The Information and Advice Centre We also be available to assist any stu- ess by revealing the location or saying that the deal is done, we are (IAC) has dealt with a multitude of dent who believes they have a case to optimistic that students’ efforts in campaigning for a new bar will be issues including all the classic things launch an academic appeal. rewarded soon. such as housing, finance and academ- Whatever all you students out there Visit www.felixonline.co.uk in the coming weeks for further devel- ic issues, and some unusual queries NIGEL COOKE have got planned, I would just like opments on this and other stories. as well. STUDENT ADVISER to wish you all the best of luck, espe- In Felix we have covered all sorts of cially those who are going off into the subjects. It can be quite challenging big wide world. I hope that all your Join us next time trying to think of something to write debt advice, academic appeals, com- dreams come true. about week after week, so I thought I plaints and international student I would like to thank Dave Edwards he next issue of Felix will be published in late September. Any would use my last column of the year issues. We will also still be here as a for giving me this column in Felix and comments, questions or contributions should be directed to the to let you know how you can use our point of contact for all information in for being a supporter of the cause Tusual address: [email protected]. services over the summer period. the College. throughout the year. I would also like Many people think that some serv- Over the summer, we are also to wish those leaving the Executive ices in the Union close down over the reviewing our leaflets and publica- Committee good luck for the future holidays. The IAC doesn’t close – we tions and will be producing two new and thanks for your support. are still here to help you with all your booklets for the new term – one on Remember: don’t let your concern welfare needs and we will be run- money management, and an interna- turn into a crisis. Make the IAC your ning a full service over the summer tional students’ welcome guide. We one stop shop for all your welfare period. are currently in negotiations with the issues. If you would like to contact We will be available for advice in College to produce these together. us, please call 020 7594 8067 or email all areas, including housing rights, In the summer, many students [email protected]. employment rights, consumer rights, choose to work full time to supplement Have a great summer! Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 11

COMMENT [email protected] Farewell statement

For many of you, this will be the He was the first (and only) C&G and guidance in difficult circum- Finally I ought to thank my friends last issue of Felix you read whilst at President to have been re-elected to STATE OF stances. Sir Graeme Davies, the and family for their endurance. Imperial College. That’s certainly a second term (2000-2001). Dinesh Vice-Chancellor of the University Buried away in College and Union the case for me. This is the last was not the average Union ‘hack’ THE UNION of London, also gave me invalu- activity I have probably neglected issue of term and on 31 July I leave and had precious little time for able advice in dealing with difficult those closest to me over the last Imperial after nearly six years. lengthy debates in Council meetings circumstances in the College. My two years and I am grateful for their or other politicking. Whilst others Deputies over the last two years patience in accepting what is impor- Appreciation would worry about the precise rules (Richard, Mike, Sam and Sameena) tant to me. enshrined in the Union’s constitu- have displayed remarkable patience There are many people who I need tion, he would just ignore it and just with me and have been a tremen- Final remarks to thank for their support, guidance focus on doing whatever he believed dous support. and mentoring during my time at to be in the best interests of stu- Despite sometimes being at log- I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at College. Inevitably I shall forget dents. gerheads over student issues, and Imperial. It’s sad for me to be leav- to mention, or allude, to someone It was a philosophy that I con- the occasional public disagreement, ing after so long. You can become and for that I can only apologise in tinued when I succeeded him and, I have managed to maintain cordial very attached to an institution that advance. controversially, adopted later as relations with most senior College you’ve put your life and soul into and I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t President of Imperial College Union. staff. In fact they have often been I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to shed- graduated in Information Systems Some will have read of some of the MUSTAFA ARIF very supportive when I have been ding a few tears whilst writing this Engineering and I therefore owe a ensuing political fallout from the UNION PRESIDENT able to articulate a strong student column. Nevertheless I’m also glad debt to staff and fellow students in pages of Felix this year. But ulti- case. To that end I would like to place that it is time for me to be moving on the Departments of Computing and mately, this laissez-faire attitude to on record my thanks to Sir Richard to new challenges. Electrical Engineering. In particu- the finer points of the rules secured Union Officer I am fortunate to have Sykes, the Rector, as well Professor I imagine I might get a party invite lar Peter Cheung, the Director of the highest ever turnouts in all worked with many other co-opera- Chris Hankin, now a Pro Rector but to the College (and Union’s) cente- Undergraduate Studies and many Union elections this year, one of the tive, talented and supportive col- Dean of City & Guilds College when nary celebrations in 2007, but my other lecturers for the frequent first successful transitions to online leagues who I can’t possibly list. I I was C&G President. Several other involvement is otherwise at an end. coursework extensions I had to ask voting in any students’ union, and have publicly recognised most in senior College staff are mentioned It’s been an honour and a privilege for because I was too busy running ultimately many more students get- one way or another. Those I have elsewhere but I would also like to to serve as your President for two some part or other of the Union’s ting involved in the business of the never mentioned include Chris thank Heather Allan and her team years but the time has come for activities as a volunteer. Union’s democratic processes. Piper, former President of King’s at ICT, Chris Gosling and his HR me to pass the baton on. I wish the Dinesh Ganesearajah was The Union is nothing without its College Union, who was President of staff, and Hameed Khan’s financial Union, and Imperial as a whole, the President of City & Guilds College volunteers or the staff who facili- ULU (University of London Union) accountants for their invaluable very best of luck. Sameena, it’s over Union in my first year in 1999-2000. tate them. During my years as a last year and provided support assistance this last year. to you. Goodbye

Well, that’s it. After 29 issues, 700 with Felix this year. We made a in any way over the past year. The to Alisdair Wren for running and pages and something like three lot of changes, most notably the EDITORIAL newspaper could not exist without revamping our website. And thanks quarters of a million words, the change from magazine to newsprint the time, effort and enthusiasm of to everyone who has kept me com- Felix year comes to an end. which could have backfired hor- our excellent team of volunteers. pany on a long Tuesday night. I first wrote for Felix back in 2000, ribly, but I think we’ve been suc- There is no way I can list them all, Whoever you are, and whatever 142 issues ago, and I’m pleased cessful. I believe Felix has become because there are too many, but you think of Felix, I hope we’ve to have been a regular contribu- a well-respected, well-written I must mention my eight regular managed to provide you with some tor ever since. The newspaper has and well-read student newspaper. section editors – Numaan, Darius, combination of information and been a big part of my life and I’m Preliminary results from our survey Andy, Simon, Paola, Martin, Alan entertainment during your studies. going to miss it. Working here has suggest that you agree. and Shaun – who were a pleasure to If you’re leaving Imperial, best of taught me a huge amount, not only Everyone here is pleased to have work with, week after week. luck for the future. about putting publications together, been given the President’s Award Thanks to the other sabbati- Finally, just to create a bit of sym- but also about managing teams, – it’s an honour to be singled out of cals and the Union staff for their metry with my first editorial and to understanding Union politics and Imperial’s 250 fantastic student-run help throughout the year. Thanks prove that we don’t always learn staying up until stupid hours of the clubs and societies. to everyone who helped produce from our mistakes, guess what time morning. I would like to thank every single DAVE EDWARDS the Union Handbook 2004 and our it is. Yes, it’s 5am again. Thanks for I’m proud of what we’ve achieved person who has contributed to Felix EDITOR new magazine I, Science. Thanks reading. Making economics history! Andrew Ireson responds to last week’s criticism of the Make Poverty History campaign

I hardly think that a few pop stars the “Less Developed Countries that under-populated countries in the following statement: “The prob- the policies of the rich nations. As could do a worse job on global pov- (LDCs)”, for which he gave three Africa are vastly under-polluted, lem with the arguments against all such, the best hope for the future erty than the economists have done reasons. their air quality is probably vastly of these proposals for more pol- is for the citizens of these nations so far. Surely, humanity’s greatest Firstly, it is only rational that the inefficiently low compared to Los lution in LDCs (intrinsic rights to to dismantle the deceit in which we failing as we move into the 21st cen- increased morbidity and mortality Angeles or Mexico City”. Finally certain goods, moral reasons, social have become embroiled, and refuse tury is the shocking fact that as the caused by health-impairing pollu- he explains that in countries where concerns, lack of adequate mar- to accept this. It is not complicated. world becomes richer and richer, the tion should occur in a country with the life expectancy is low already, kets, etc) could be turned around You do not need a PhD in economics gap between rich and poor becomes the lowest costs, and hence the the increased risk of prostate can- and used more or less effectively to understand the problems. It is wider and wider. Never have we cer is no cause for concern. In simply a question of politics, that is, been so rich. Never have there been “Face the reality other words, the poor don’t mat- “We live in a free and the competing interests of the rich so many suffering and dying from ter at all – their lives are just not and powerful with the rest of us. We poverty. This is not an ideological that poverty is economically useful. For the full democratic country. live in a free and democratic country point – it is a point of fact. memo see www.counterpunch.org/ – we have power and we have the Last weeks article (‘Making eco- exacerbated, if not summers.html. We have the power responsibility to act. If we do not, nomics history?’) suggested that the Jose Lutzenburger (then Brazil’s no-one else will. solution lies with the economists. caused, by the policies Secretary of the Environment) to act. If we do not, We would do well to recall the leaked of the rich nations” replied to Summers, saying: “Your no-one else will” ● Students from Imperial are going memo written by the chief econo- thoughts [provide] a concrete exam- up to the G8 summit in Edinburgh mist of the World Bank in December lowest wages. “I think the economic ple of the unbelievable alienation, against every Bank proposal for and Gleneagles from 2 to 6 July to 1991, Larry Summers (now presi- logic behind dumping a load of toxic reductionist thinking, social ruth- liberalisation.” From this we should join the protests and make our voic- dent of Harvard University – the waste in the lowest wage country lessness and the arrogant ignorance take our cue. es, and the voices of the poor, heard. man who recently made the contro- is impeccable and we should face of many conventional ‘economists’ So, hang your hopes for the poor Travel and the conference are sub- versial comments about women in up to that.” He then says we should concerning the nature of the world on these economists if you will. sidised by the Union so please con- science). He argued that the World attempt to distribute pollution more we live in.” I think this sums it up Alternatively, you could face up to sider joining us. Contact cs602@ic. Bank should be encouraging the evenly across the world, regardless perfectly. the reality that to a large extent pov- ac.uk for more information and to migration of “dirty industries” to of its source: “I’ve always thought Summers closes his memo with erty is exacerbated, if not caused, by join us. Felix 12 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

COMMENT [email protected] Letters to the Editor

Comments from during the trial of the smoking ban aren’t ever as busy as the weekdays that the ban spanned over Easter will wear bands on our wrists – to another librarian the union did not lose money from so two bar staff is more than enough holidays. Therefore when looking at advertise our campaign that others the bar and also from the comments (one per bar). So how running costs revenue it was compared to the fig- may find out more and join, not to Dear Felix, sheets, more people supported the would increase over the weekends ures from this time last year (and flaunt our altruism as Mr McAloon smoking ban than opposed it. This in is a total mystery to me. In fact what the change in dates of last year’s assumes. I would urge all to visit I have followed the recent cor- itself is unusual as people will gen- she said implies that the Union Bar and this year’s holidays were also www.makepovertyhistory.org and respondence about the Central erally take more time to complain was open especially to allow smok- taken into account). During the join, because if you never make Library, and the responses of senior about things than agree with them, ers a place on the weekends. That’s discussions, details of last year’s your views heard then nothing will management, with great interest. so the general consensus must be utter rubbish. The Union Bar has sales figures, this year’s figures ever change. Personal donations The Rector, in his interview with even more in favour of the ban. I always been open during weekends and trends so far this academic are indeed an essential part of help- Felix, brushed off the concerns even know people that have start- to the best of my knowledge. It year were all taken into account, ing the third world – as Mr McAloon raised in the first of two anonymous ed going to the union specifically was never opened just to cater for so it was not a simple decision to graciously acknowledges – but this letters from central librarians. In because it’s the only non-smoking smokers. make. On top of this, the feedback campaign asks only for your voice. her letter last week, Clare Jenkins, bar in the area. So why, why, why, In fact during the ban I cant from Yoursay was included. It asks you not to help Africa quietly, Director of Library Services, man- would the union stop it? remember there being a time when Having looked at all the informa- as Mr McAloon suggests, but shout- aged to avoid any reference to the The new rules allow smoking in business has ever been down solely tion, there was no clear answer ing; shouting so loud that they can letters at all. Da Vinci’s after 9pm but in my opin- due to the fact that there has been – there was more favour for the ban hear it all the way in Gleneagles. Do In truth, neither the Rector nor ion is the worst time! During lunch a smoking ban. I have to admit in the feedback through ‘Yoursay’, please stand up and be heard. Ms Jenkins have dealt properly with time the level of smoking is low, the that the ban was mostly during an but then the loss in trade indicat- the central concerns raised in these only time it becomes unpleasant Easter break and the exam period ed that students were going away Aidan Russell letters: how exactly is it in students’ and sometimes unbearable is on the so an accurate calculation of the from the building. There were also interests to cram more depart- busy nights, so this should be the loss in revenue due to the ban could extra costs as well as a loss in mental libraries into the Central times to target. not be made. A fault of Union policy revenue. Responding to the Library, thus reducing the amount Passive smoking is proven to and foolhardy planning, methinks, As the resolution, it was decided global warming sceptic of stock available for consultation, cause damage to people’s health but from working there I have to say to continue with non-smoking from and at the same time exacerbating and not only that, it is very unpleas- I have never noticed the difference. 9am to 9pm Monday to Friday. This Dear Felix, the problems caused by 24/7 open- ant for the non-smokers. Why should I myself do not smoke so am obvi- was in effect a compromise, as ing? And how can one of the pre- the people who are intent on doing ously biased in favour of a smoking there was not enough evidence that I was interested to see the interview mier educational establishments in harm to themselves have the right ban. But its not like we would be a total ban was the correct decision with Piers Corbyn in last week’s the country hope to maintain and to inflict this upon other students outlawing smoking altogether. As i to make, whilst at the same time Felix. Your article included two pho- improve its reputation, when its who want to use the bar? Do the mentioned, smokers still have other not enough evidence that reverting tographs of him: as a student politi- main library is allowed to degener- union not care about this? options within the union complex to smoking as before was the cor- cian, and as a sceptical scientist ate into a third rate hostel. with which to smoke and drink. But rect decision either. opposing the consenus on climate Another issue raised in the first Charles Haworth why should non-smokers be limited However, in the proposals (which change. It is very appealing to imag- letter was the “cavalier” treatment Philip Bates to enjoying their drinks until 9pm are still in their early stages) for ine that Piers might be a lone voice meted out to the Science Museum Felicity Eakins only in a smoke free atmosphere? the redevelopment of the Union of truth arguing against the vested Library. It is undeniable that the Then they have no other alternative Building, the need for a non-smok- interests of a corrupt establishment astronomical hike in the charge but to leave. ing area has already been iden- – but it is important to remember made to the Science Museum for Dear Editor, It almost seems as though the you tified by the Strategic Review. that Pier’s track record is much its library’s occupancy of part of the are punishing non-smokers from But before the redevelopment of more as a politician than a scien- Central Library building has jeop- I’d like to express my regret that going to the union. It has always the Union Building, the question tist. The question about whether we ardised the library’s future. the smoking ban was not left in been a god given right to have a is what we do with the current should respond to global warning Has the Rector, in his remorseless place in DV’s after the trial ban smoke with your drink at a pub, so Union provisions. As a non-smoker by altering green house gas emis- drive to implement his vision of a ended recently. As an employee of why should the reverse not be the myself I understand your feelings, sion is one of the most important college fit to operate successfully the Union Bars I enjoyed work- true for non smokers too? but the committee could only go on questions facing the world at the in the new global education market, ing in a smoke free environment, I A simple solution would be to the evidence they have and try to moment. There is now a rather frag- paused to consider that he is in thought it was more pleasant and have DV’s smoke free permanently, find a solution that will be the best ile scientific and political concensus danger of sweeping away a valuable just generally cleaner since there affording the non smokers a place compromise. on this issue which Piers wants to resource for this and future gen- was no smoking litter that needed to enjoy themselves but also not end. Whether or not Piers is right is erations of students, academics and to be cleaned up. restricting the smokers to not smok- a very important question. members of the public alike? The Walking in between the Union Bar ing. Obviously the Union Bar would Why McAloon missed the Piers is a very convincing speak- Science Museum Library is one of and DV’s was utterly astounding stay a smoking bar as would dB’s. I point on poverty er, and has a great skill at get- the foremost libraries for the histo- whilst the ban was in place... you don’t understand the financial or the ting people at a public meeting to ry of science and technology in the could actually see for the lack of practical arguments against that. Dear Editor, back his view against that of “the world. The unique mix of material smog! It made for a much more establishment”. As an example, it contains, built up over a period pleasant working (and drinking) Mez Pahlan I write in response to the article two years ago, Piers was very suc- of 120 years, will be destroyed if the atmosphere. DV’s & Union Bar bar staff by Stephen McAloon in last week’s cessful at bringing a £800million museum is forced to disperse the Obviously going to a pub goes Felix, in which Mr McAloon crit- redevelopment of one of London’s collections. hand in hand with a smoking envi- icised the Make Poverty History worst estates (the Ayelsbury in Is it really part of the Rector’s ronment and that’s fair enough. Sameena Misbahuddin, Deputy campaign and the plans for a rally Southwark) to a grinding halt, by vision to see this valuable resource If people want to smoke then let President (Finance and Services), in Edinburgh to coincide with the catalizing a campaign against it on lost to the national and wider inter- them. But the fact is they have 3 responds: G8 finance ministers meeting. the grounds that the proposed pub- national community? places to smoke whilst enjoying the Thank you for your letters. Mr McAloon seems to have missed lic-private partnership constituted Union Bars. They have dB’s, the Regarding the extra costs; dur- the point of the campaign – which “privatization” of the estate. I’m Member of Staff Union Bar itself, and outdoors. Now ing the Easter holidays, usually is that the deaths of some thirty sure he is very proud of his achieve- Science Museum Library after 9pm non-smokers will have only DaVinci’s is open. However, thousand children every day from ment, but the results? Not a better (Name supplied) no choice but to sit outdoors to get to maintain a room that smok- extreme poverty is totally unaccept- estate, but one that continues to away from the smoke. That’s all fine ers could go to whilst there was able. Poverty can be stopped – it is have the same old problems, and and dandy during the summer but a smoking ban in DaVinci’s over within the powers of the G8 finance most pertinantly to me a lost oppor- Outrage at return of what about winter? this period, the Union Bar was also ministers to help Africa. To can- tunity to rebuild my local secondary smoking in Da Vinci’s According to last weeks article opened. The extra cost which was cel its crippling debts; to increase school, that is languishing at the Miss Misbahuddin says, “The ban incurred due to this was approxi- aid and to make trade rules fairer bottom of the league tables and Dear Editor, meant that running costs increased mately £1000. for African countries. The govern- desparately in need of investment. at weekends, as extra staff were During term time on the week- ments of the developed nations have Piers certainly has the ability to sow I want to state my disgust at the needed to open the adjacent Union ends DaVinci’s is open on Saturday repeatedly failed to do this because mistrust and stop things happening decision announced last week that Bar”. I work at the bar in question and Sunday, but in the evening they do not see it as a high enough – but as we consider Pier’s views on the union will start allowing smok- and have done a number of week- of Sunday, DaVinci’s closes and priority. They have failed to stop this global warming, we must make sure ing in the Da Vinci’s bar again. end shifts (both before the ban and the Union Bar is opened. However suffering because, in their eyes, the we are doing so on the basis of the I always thought that the student during) and I have to totally disa- during the trial extra staff were money is better spent elsewhere. science, not his rhetoric about vest- union should be a progressive place gree with that statement. As far as needed on the weekends in order Our campaign aims to show world ed interested and conspiracies. And that would want to do what is best I can remember there has always to allow both the Union Bar and leaders that the people of this coun- I personally am far from convinced for the students. The government been at least 3 staff in the DV’s and DaVinci’s to be open, to ensure try do indeed care about the people that his scentific track record mer- are making moves to implement the Union on weekends, one man- there was a no smoking bar as well of another – by whatever means its taking him seriously. large scale smoking bans across the aging and two bar staff. That has as a smoking bar. are necessary. That is why we will country so why can’t the union take always been the case and it is more When the Union deduced that gather in Edinburgh on the 2nd Professor DH, a step forward and do it now. than enough to run both bars dur- there was a loss of revenue, it obvi- July, whether it is convenient for Mr Imperial College Physics 1984-87 According to last weeks Felix, ing the weekends. The weekends ously took into account the fact McAloon or not. That is also why we (Full name supplied) Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 13 Columns The Neighbours generation

help Imperial maintain a passing had a door price of £3, so we decid- graduate bars anywhere on campus! to over-generalise, these students resemblance to a ‘normal’ universi- ed against. Everyone knows Union Does the Union lack any concept of are hardly the most sociable what- ty’s social atmosphere. nights have been dreadful this year, foresight? How could the Union pos- ever the situation. When I was researching for my so charging people who are trying sibly consider the – albeit much over This travesty of Southside’s clo- original story on the closure of to give it a go really isn’t the way due – refurbishment of Beit Quad at sure should not be allowed to take Southside (Felix 1321), Mustafa Arif, forward. £3 may not sound like a lot, a time when there will be no alterna- place, at least without a little bit Union President, had a lot of excus- but compare it to £5 at Kings, UCL tive places to go for a drink? more of a public fight. Three thou- es as to why Southside managed and LSE, where you actually have The issue I find most staggering sand signatures is a good start. I’m to pack in the punters every night fun and which draw students from in the Southside Bar saga is that sure that at another university if of the week while the Union bars all across London. the president of our Union, Mustafa the ‘powers that be’ attempted to remained empty. Instead we headed to Southside, Arif, turned down the College’s sug- close down the most popular bar on by RUPERT NEATE His main reason was that the which was rammed. The bar, TV gestion of moving Southside bar campus there would be some kind rugby team only frequent Southside room and even café area upstairs into an extended Linstead bar. He of uprising. The apathy of students because their honorary president, were all occupied. Meanwhile, I’m said that this would be “unfair on at Imperial is incredible – no-one RIP Southside Bar Roger Pownall, is the bar manag- told Chav night was so unpopular Linstead students as they would gives a shit about anything, even er. This may account for some of that dBs bar closed early. “There have no private communal space”. things that will greatly affect them I have tried to distance myself from the Southside patrons, but I highly was nobody in there,” according to a But, having been a resident of two next year. the Union politics hot potato that doubt that most of Southside’s loyal Union steward. different halls myself and chatting Southside halls were designed Southside Bar has become, but I customers have any idea who Mr The situation is only set to get to others, there is definitely much specifically to prevent student riots. can’t let the issue slide anymore. Pownall is. I certainly didn’t. worse – all Union bars are set to better hall bonding and atmosphere Even in my wildest imagination I I am personally devastated that I was out with some mates last close sometime in the Summer term in halls that have bars. cannot think of any cause against Southside Bar is to shut its doors for Friday, and for a reason that escapes next year, perhaps as early as the It may be the case that students which we Imperial students would the last time on 24 June. Southside me now, we decided to go to the start of the Easter holidays. This who do not drink feel they cannot riot. Perhaps the library not being Bar is one of the very few things that Union. But Chav Night at the Union will mean there will be no under- socialise in bars, but, not to wanting open 24 hours any more?!

Got some free time next year? Come and join Felix! We need people to contribute to every aspect of putting your student newspaper together – reporters, columnists, editors, reviewers, proof readers, photographers, puzzle setters... the list goes on. It looks great on your CV and there are lots of freebies to be had. Contact next year’s editor now at [email protected] Also... want to pose for page 3? Rupert wants to hear from you! Email [email protected] Felix 14 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

FEATURES [email protected] What a good IDEA! Union Deputy President Sam Rorke visited Delft in Holland for a conference of student representatives from four European universities

Last week, I was fortunate enough of study, since the average length of time to converge the diaries of four to go with a delegation of officers study in Delft is 7.2 years, and there very different institutions with dif- from Imperial College Union to visit is increasing political pressure to ferent exam dates, different officer the lovely town of Delft in Holland. reduce this. Government interven- terms, and other complications. “Good grief, what are they up to tion in higher education (usually to We also managed to agree on draft now?” I hear you all cry, but don’t save money) was a common theme aims and objectives, and a few of be so quick to judge: it wasn’t a that emerged. Delft since decided to the projects which we would like jolly! We were there as guests of host this conference to get everyone the alliance to work on, and set members of the Student Council together for two days to discuss per- realistic target completion dates. of Delft Technical University, one tinent issues. We decided on a name: my sugges- of the four members of the ‘IDEA Some interesting contrasts came tion of ‘IDEALiStiC’ – IDEA League League’, at a conference of student out of the conference; it appears that Student Council – was, rather sur- representatives. Imperial and Delft are leading the prisingly, accepted. We identified The IDEA League is a strategic field when it comes to quality assur- possibilities for cultural exchanges alliance between Imperial College ance. All those hours I have spent in between societies from member London, TU Delft, ETH Zürich and College ‘scrutiny’ committees (with institutions, and decided that we RWTH Aachen; these four techno- seemingly limited powers) seemed wanted to lobby our institutions to logical universities are committed to worthwhile when I found out that organize a summer school to raise the highest international standards representatives at Zurich appear to student awareness of, and participa- in both research and education. The have very limited capacity to moni- tion in, the League. We also tasked League aims to increase collabora- tor the quality of education and sug- Zurich with setting up a website for tion between the institutions and gest improvements. the alliance. facilitate student mobility. We had much interesting discus- Possibly the most enjoyable part Established in 1999, the IDEA sion about the Bologna process, of the trip was experiencing life in League has hitherto only been uti- which is a move by governments all another (very different) university lised by the highest level of pol- over Europe to harmonise the struc- town. Delft is a small city charac- icy-makers within the institutions ture of higher education to allow terised by the proliferation of canals – whilst we were in Delft the Rector greater student mobility and more and bicycles. The people are very was meeting his counterparts at a widespread mutual recognition of welcoming, and things seem a bit monastery in Zurich – and as the degrees. They seemed to know a lot more laid back than London. We basis for an annual sports tourna- more about it than us, since the rest also experienced student life in ment. of Europe is adopting the Anglo- Delft – one evening, we did a tour of Our colleagues in Delft had iden- Saxon Bachelor’s/Master’s system, some of the ‘student associations’, tified that the League could also so changes to date in Britain have which seemed to be founded on the be exploited by student representa- taken place behind the scenes. In principles of cheap food, free-flow- tives, in order to enhance the qual- particular, the Germans seem to ing beer, a very strict pecking order Top: Delft Technical University. Bottom: bicycle parking is a big ity of representation on matters of resent these alterations. and humiliating initiations! problem in South Ken, but not in Holland! European significance, and to open Probably the most significant Dutch universities don’t have up the IDEA League to a higher thing we achieved was a date for the automatic-membership unions in dream of experiencing. Best of all, are other things going on in other level of student participation. They next conference! I also gracefully the British sense, so the student of course, was the superb hospitality places and it’s about time we got out started this process back in January volunteered next year’s sabbaticals associations really underpin the stu- extended to us by our hosts, and the of our silo and started talking to our when they visited the three other (who were represented by Sameena dents’ social life. There appeared to friendship between all the delegates neighbours! I was pleased with what institutions on a ‘Grand Tour’. Misbahuddin, President elect, and be a great sense of camaraderie, and which was formed very quickly. we managed to get out of the event, Alright for some! They were investi- Sarah Khatib, my successor) to host loyalty to the associations, which So, what’s the message? Britain and I wish the alliance the best of gating factors which affect duration the event in July. It took quite a lot of Imperial College Union could only is only a tiny island, I guess. There luck next year. And they’re off Imperial student Mustaffa Junaid took part in the BUPA 10km run in Hyde Park

As I stood there at the starting in their lovely warm beds, I was out water. The most testing time was impressive). As I passed the finish- point, heart beating, heavy breath- in Gunnersbury Park bursting my the 6 to 8km section, where I hit the ing line the satisfaction I felt was ing and nerves on the edge, I await- lungs. Each day saw more improve- infamous psychological wall (every immeasurable. I did it! I had fin- ed the starting signal. Over 8000 ment, quicker time, and longer dis- experienced runner should know ished a whole 10km race for the first people were gathered just before tances. It was a struggle but I knew about that, though for them 6 to 8km time. I had my medal in my hand the Serpentine Bridge, just as eager it was going to pay off at the end. would be a breeze). and a bottle of water, perfect! to start the race. All that training, all The day of the race had finally The final kilometre took us across The warm down then started at the talk, it was all down to this. The arrived, Sunday 5 June. At 8am we the lake before the long stretch 12noon before the award ceremony siren went, we were off. set off for Hyde Park for the long alongside the Serpentine. This was for the fastest runners. The fastest It all started in January, with my awaited race. At 9.30am there were the part where I forgot that my male had a time of 36min and 28sec, sister introducing me to the idea. several hundred people gathered in muscles had stopped working and and the fastest female 36min and I have never participated in a real the park, but the number soon grew that I was no longer able to breathe 49sec. However, the most notable race in my life (that’s if you exclude to thousands by 10am. There were properly. I became a mad man near prize went to the wackiest fancy the 1 mile fun-run I did in Primary young and old, male and female, fit the end, giving it my all. Whatever dress, a man who wore a Darth school. Man that was tough!) and unfit. A stage had been erected it took, I was going to reach my Vadar outfit (that must have been The BUPA 10km race in Hyde for the DJs to entertain the crowd. target of one hour. The long stretch terribly uncomfortable). Park was the perfect motivation fac- The warm up session started at seemed to go on forever, but bit by Many of you would think that you tor to get me back into shape and 10, and I can tell you that it was a but I was getting closer. Just as I need to be super fit to run in any jogging again. All too often we use lot harder than I could have imag- Mustaffa Junaid proudly shows thought I had nothing left in the race but the reality is that it is pos- the excuse of work to prevent us ined, leaving me with a stitch before off his medal after completing the tank I crossed the line with my sible for anyone. All you need is from improving oneself physically. the race had even begun. Then the 10km run whole body in agony. motivation and a will to go all the Thus, I entered the race along with hordes of runners filed towards the Despite all my training I did find way. Since the event is right at the my sister as ‘Reem Team’ (eeem starting line and Richard Bacon Park, before coming back towards the course quite tough, as did the doorstep of Imperial, it should be a meaning a type of deer or gazelle (formerly of Blue Peter) sounded the Serpentine, then along the edge other runners. The majority of the perfect occasion for many of us stu- in Arabic). The race was organised the starting siren. We were off, going of Hyde Park again. Large crowds course had a gradient that meant dents to take part in. Next year you by 95.8 Capital FM radio along with across the Serpentine Bridge before of people had gathered along the twice the workload. However, this can join in as a group or individually. BUPA, and all the money collected running along the Serpentine. race course. Some were taking pic- did not prevent me from reaching It is a great way to keep fit, collect from sponsorship went to Help a I had my mp3 player in my ears tures, some cheering, and others my target of 1 hour (my time was some money for charity, and have London Child (a charity run by the with the Rocky theme music and clapping. Every kilometre seemed 59min and 43sec). I came in at posi- a wonderful time. Go and find those station). I felt really good. The first 2km like a few miles. I kept running, just tion 2792 out of over 8000 people. old trainers, wipe the dust off and So early February, while normal were pretty easy. The course then dreaming of the 5km mark where The other Reem Team member (my start jogging. I expect to see more human beings were still sleeping led us around the edge of Hyde they would be providing us with sis) came in at 1hr and 29sec (pretty familiar faces next year! Imperial College Union awards Imperial College Union has given out the following awards for the 2004-5 session. Congratulations to all the recipients.

Half Colours “Awarded for a positive contribution to the general life of the Union in an extraordinary fashion”

Clare Anderson Nicholas Jones Christopher Rowlands David Balfour Ryan Kerstein Fabio Sidoli Joseph Bull Hussain Khan Siddharth Singh Matthew Cunningham Robin Kumar Eirini Spentza Rachel Daniels Zhi Lim Martin Smith Michele Daryanani Christopher McIver John Sykes Helen Dawson Louise Oakes Yingke Wang Mark Flower Morten Olesen Helene Wehrmann Andrew Haynes Henri Ozarovsky James Yearsley Suzanne Horn Simon Pascoe Imran Younas David Horton Daniel Reader

Full Colours “Awarded for repeatedly, through outstanding achievements, over the course of the year, making a significant contribution to the life of the Union” Philip Braude Brett Manning Colin Smith Edward Coles Gale Max Marsden James Thompson Nichola Hawkins Darius Nikbin Thomas Tibbits Jessica Hill Michael Perring Dan Lehmann Simon Rawson

Outstanding Service Awards

John Collins for his continuous outstanding achievements across a broad spectrum of Union activity, including: valuable contributions to Council, being a very active RAG treasurer, involvement in DramSoc activities, improving representation within the City and Guilds College Union and developing alumni relations in the engineering faculty. The quality of his representational work has been noted, in private, by College officers as well as his peers.

Alex Guite for driving forward the development of the Physical Sciences Union. He played a major supporting role last year in starting up new events such as the Freshers Ball and has built on those achievements this year as President. He played a key role in helping to develop the Union strategy and also had a major influence on the Union’s mini governance review. He has revived both the Labour Society and the Debating Society, largely running both single-handedly for two years.

Fellowships

Richard Plackett for continuous and exceptional long term service to the Jazz and Rock Society and the Arts and Entertainments Board in general. Richard has single-handedly run the technical aspects of the Jazz and Rock recording studio and related facilities for seven years. Numerous club and society events, successful student bands as well as parts of the Arts Festival simply would not have happened without Richard’s dedication to the Union.

James Robinson for continuous and exceptional long term service to STOIC (Student Television of Imperial College) and the Media Group in general. James single-handedly kept STOIC News running through a very difficult period when they were moved into a bare basement in 2001 and had to rebuild their studios from scratch. He brough back STOIC’s coverage of the sabbatical elections from the archives to reality. James has truly dedicated his extra-curricular time at College to our media societies and the Union is richer for it.

Nicola Williams for her continuous and exceptional long term service to the Athletic Clubs Committee (ACC) and the Union in general. Nicola has been the Chair of the ACC for two years. During that time she played a pivotal role in helping the Union develop a draft sports strategy last year, and followed that up with a major contribution to the development of an overall Union strategy this year. Nicola has been a stalwart representative for the interests of sport at Imperial College and a conscientious Union officer.

President’s Awards

Tony Mitcheson, Danny Sharpe, Will Dawson, Richard Walker and Richard Washington

President’s Award for Clubs and Societies

Felix

Honorary Life Membership

Sameena Misbahuddin, Sam Rorke, Dave Edwards, Lucy Pickard and Therees Tkach Hibbard Felix Felix 16 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005 Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 17

THE FELIX INTERVIEW [email protected] “My job is to represent the London's home of Fête de la Musique interests of all the students” Mustafa Arif, outgoing President of Imperial College Union, talks top-up fees, Southside Bar, student democracy, great achievements and big mistakes with Dave Edwards in our final interview of the year

Mustafa Arif has been President of and if that’s going to happen we’re going students. I don’t think we’re ever going to Imperial College Union for the last two to need something.” get around that.” years. Despite receiving criticism for his The Union is often criticised for poor He sees little point in trying to com- handling of a number of important issues, communication. So should the student pete with local clubs and other students’ he was elected with a substantial major- body have been consulted about Southside unions. “I think it’s more realistic to ity on both occasions and comfortably Bar and perhaps other issues too? Arif is recognise what our limitations are and survived an attempt to ‘sack’ him last not convinced. He argues that in fact, provide services when the building is term. “this year we’ve engaged in the Union’s redeveloped. We’re not a campus univer- A 25-year-old graduate in Information biggest consultative exercise in my entire sity, we are in the middle of London. We Systems Engineering, Arif claims to work time as a student – the strategic review”. can’t provide everything so we should upwards of 80 hours per week on a regu- “It’s an interesting paradox with con- provide what the rest of the city doesn’t lar basis in his role as President. I man- sultation,” he says thoughtfully. “When provide and we should provide a commu- aged to find a spare hour in his schedule you consult people, they always demand nity focal point.” to discover his views on a range of sub- more consultation, and they may not nec- jects such as higher education funding essarily have done that if they had been The future methods and the controversial closure of ignorant because you hadn’t consulted Southside Bar. them at all.” The President believes that Imperial Arif decided to study engineering in I argue that if the issue had been put to College needs to be more positive and 1997 because of his interests in science a referendum, an overwhelming major- ambitious in its outlook. “The College 21 june 2005 and business. He says he “wasn’t posh ity would have voted in favour of moving needs to stop holding back on the Bologna enough” for Cambridge, and Imperial Southside Bar into the communal space process of standardising degrees across from 10am to midnight came highly recommended, though not in Linstead. Arif accepts that, but points Europe,” he says. “We need to get out of www.exhibitionroadmusicday.org for the usual reasons: out that one of the problems with democ- the mindset of competing with the Russell © Science Museum Design Studio “My physics teacher, who I had a bit of racy is “the tyranny of the majority”. Group of [British] universities and into a crush on, used to work behind the bar “My job is to represent the interests of the mindset of competing with the likes of in Da Vinci’s and she told me I’d fit in all the students,” he stresses, “and I can’t Harvard and MIT and Princeton.” perfectly at Imperial because they were allow Linstead students to be screwed He thinks the Union must develop mostly spotty and wore glasses.” over just for a bar – a bar that wouldn’t its facilities to meet the rising expecta- He wanted to be President “ever since have been that big, it would have been tions that will come from rising fees. He the first year welcome meeting where I non-smoking and it wouldn’t have had the also suggests “something like in the US, remember Natasha Newton (President massive real ale collection.” where part of the Union’s funding comes 1999-2000) getting up on the stage, and from a compulsory addition to student yes, I probably had a bit of a crush on her Confidence and accountability fees,” though he accepts that “it’s not an as well. Then in my fourth year issues option at the moment because of the cur- like tuition fees and the proposed merger The President is critical of those who rent fee arrangements. with UCL made it seem quite interesting, brought motions against him to the Union “We would have to consider whether What’s on at Imperial? and I thought I could probably cope with Council. “Some people got a bit overex- people could opt out of paying that fee being President.” cited, and in one or two cases that’s a and joining the Union, but more impor- Arif found his first year in the job “frus- bit disappointing because they should tantly it would mean that when you vote, trating”, as it was “difficult to get things have known better due to their previous you’re voting for a membership fee.” Imperial is thrilled to be participating in the first done”. involvement in the Union. They could “I don’t think any sabbaticals really have asked for clarification rather than Achievements and regrets Exhibition Road Music Day. Two major performances appreciate until they’re elected just how writing motions to Council.” many external constraints there are,” But he admits: “I’m human and all Arif believes his greatest achievement will take place on the Queen’s Lawn on Tuesday 21 he says. “Even with the best will in the humans make mistakes. University is a was “going from a situation where we’ve June 2005: world you often can’t do what you set out learning experience for everyone; stu- been endlessly sitting around discuss- to achieve.” dent politics is a learning experience for ing things to a situation where we’re He tells me that the impending depar- all involved.” taking the best steps of taking the union ture of the Union manager (Mandy forward. 13:20 Imperial College Big Band Hurford, who retired in summer 2004) Attendance at Union events “The evidence of that is in the success- meant that it was impossible to start any “Even with the best will in the world you often can’t do what you set out to achieve” – Mustafa Arif (right), President of Imperial College Union, with Dave Edwards ful adoption by Council of a strategic plan; new major projects when he started the I bring up the low level of attendance the creation of the Graduate Students job in August 2003. “To be elected and Top-up fees free education would stop, a fee would the past few years, the only way we’re Southside Bar at Union events – in particular the Association; and the massive increase 18:00 Imperial College Symphony Orchestra then realise that you can’t do what you be set, sooner or later the fee would rise, going to get back to a sensible number Wednesday and Friday late nights – com- in turnout as a result of electronic vot- promised to do, what people elected you An outspoken critic of the National Union and sooner or later universities would be of people doing degrees is if we do have The decision to close – and not replace pared to other London colleges. Arif ing, despite all the criticism, mostly from to do, is very galling. To some extent, of Students (NUS), Arif places much of allowed to vary it. The debate was lost a market for tuition fees. Inevitably the – Southside Bar in just over a week’s claims that he is either “the best or the the authors of the accountability motion, Imperial student musicians will additionally present despite my manifesto being focused on the blame for the introduction of univer- by the NUS, who for their own political £3000 cap is going to rise, and I think time has been met with disappoinment worst person to ask, because I had never about rushing change through. We can’t developing the Union’s services, I spent sity top-up fees at their door. interests supported the Government at eventually it could become unregulated, and anger by students, staff and others been to one until I was president”. let bureaucracy get in the way of what is informal performances outside the College’s main my time not doing that but instead “The battle was lost in 1997 when the the time.” but what I think we would need is a sys- who value the award-winning venue. The “It’s to do with our student demograph- the right thing to do.” raising the profile of campaigns and rep- NUS gave their support to the Labour He believes that there is over-supply of tem of state scholarships to fund tuition President has been attacked for reject- ic,” he explains. “We have a very science And his biggest mistake? “I didn’t take entrance on Exhibition Road. resentation… and I don’t think we did a Government to introduce their original university education in Britain, “because as well as living costs. Others who want ing the College’s proposal to move the and engineering centred student base. holiday between the end of my degree bad job.” tuition fees of £1000 per year,” he says. people seem to want a degree when it to do it when there is no academic benefit bar into Linstead Hall, and for not doing We have a very male student base, and and the start of my tenure as President The next Union manager – or “Everyone in the university business might not necessarily be of benefit to can pay the whole way. You then wouldn’t enough to find an alternative location I think many students prefer to go out because I have worked every holiday Permanent Secretary, as he was officially knew that that was the indication that them. A lot of people who go to univer- have such a burden on the taxpayer.” for Southside Bar after it the building is where they meet a more rounded set of since the age of 16 in paid employment, BBQ food and a bar will be available on the Queen’s known – has recently left the Union after sity these days are just using it as a demolished. which in hindsight I regret – I probably Lawn, between 12.00- 15.00 and 17.00- 20.00. less than a year. I put it to Arif that this middle-class finishing school.” He brings “I do think we need to get this into per- should’ve done some travelling. So last departure will cause similar problems. “The fees battle was lost up a MORI opinion poll from 2002 which “I do think we need to spective,” he says. “This isn’t a long term “I’m human and all year I was burnt out and this year I’m He argues that the organisation is showed that “public opinion was against problem. There will be a bar in the new still burn’t out. I know I haven’t personally now better equipped to cope with such in 1997 by the NUS... who the 50% education target and would pre- get the Southside Bar Linstead [though not for several years], humans make mistakes. performed as well as I’m physically capa- The full programme of local events is available a changes: “I think things are quite messy fer real education for a more defined and the Union will be redeveloped so that ble of doing over the past two years.” with the departure of the Permanent for their own political set.” issue into perspective. we have a pub-type environment. Student politics is a Afterwards, Arif tells me he will con- www.exhibitionroadmusicday.org Secretary, but we’re in a change mode, reasons supported the And his personal view? Is there a solu- This isn’t a long term “I don’t think we need a direct replace- learning experience for sider taking a postgraduate course at we’re not in a static mode. We’re still tion to the fees problem in the current ment for Southside Bar... but with the Cambridge or return to the IT world. But pushing the big priorities forward, and I Government” political climate? problem” redevelopment of Beit we’re looking at all involved” first: “Basically I need a two to three week think we’re coping.” “My view is that, given the situation of something like a 12 to 18 month project, break to physically get back together.” For further information, email [email protected] Felix 18 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

Clubs & Societies [email protected]

ENGINEERS WITHOUT The Friday feeling BORDERS By Noah Nkonge

ISLAMIC SOCIETY come together as an community to Quad) during the summer. We also Engineers Without Borders (EWB) share ideas and support one anoth- ask students to watch for updates is a student-run charity that sees er in people’s everyday affairs. with regards to the Autumn term engineering as a tool that can be By Sagir Hassam “So what?” I hear you cry, but Juma venue, which is yet to be used to help people escape from the this religious and sociable gather- resolved. The Islamic Society wel- cycle of poverty. To that end, EWB When it was announced that ing means much more than that! comes all to attend the sermon Imperial held a training weekend Southside halls were being replaced, In fact Juma is one of those weekly before the prayer that is given in to demonstrate appropriate technol- the first thought running through highlights in many Muslim students’ English. ogy for less developed regions, and our minds for many of us was prob- lives. The post-Juma ritual of catch- For more details about the to promote and increase awareness ably: “Oh no! What’s going to hap- ing up with the week’s events and Juma Prayer and the Islamic of social, political and health issues pen to our Southside Bar?” grabbing some “munch” has become Society’s activities, please visit around development work. But believe it or not, the Southside an addictive tradition for many www.union.ic.ac.uk/islamic, email The weekend comprised of practi- Bar is not the only long-serving tra- each Friday afternoon. The Juma [email protected] or alterna- cal group activities such as the con- dition that will be lost in the midst of Prayer at Imperial has also hosted tively ring Haji on 07956 493050. struction of solar cookers (thanks the Southside demolition debris. The many charities to raise thousands to Quentin Stowell of Nordson UV Imperial College Islamic Society has of pounds for the less fortunate Ltd) and a mock waste incinerator, been holding weekly Friday Prayers across the world. In November 2004, as well as a series of illuminating in Southside for more than 20 years. Islamic Society collected £9000 for talks from those who have first-hand And some even quote the figure the Bangladesh floods that occurred experience of work in the develop- nearer to 30! several months prior. Unfortunately ment field. The ‘Juma Prayer’, formally all of this will come to a close on There were talks from EWB mem- known as the Congregation Prayer, Friday 24 June, when Southside is bers Mo Ali and Susan Long, who had acts as a focal point for at least knocked down. been to Ecuador to help build mud 300 students during term time from The Islamic Society has been given stoves in a small village; and a talk a range of societies, not just the the use of the Union gym over sum- on the current state of photovoltaic Islamic society. mer as a temporary solution. Over energy, and a talk from Tom Jackson You will see many attendees from the summer, the Juma prayers will (Voluntary Services Overseas) on societies like Arab, Bangladesh, be held in this gym between 1 and his experiences of working within Malaysian and Pakistan to name 2pm each Friday, until a long-term the Tanzanian culture whilst build- a few. You may even spot a few replacement has been found. The ing waste incinerators. faces from the local community, Juma attendees will find it a little The training weekend was also from Embassy workers to Science difficult in the gym itself, as it is too an invaluable opportunity to meet Museum staff. But whoever you small to fit the entire congregation; people with practical experience of might bump into on their way to the Prayer has to be split into two development engineering and oth- Juma on a Friday at midday, he rooms, and on some weeks it will ers who shared a mutual interest in or she will be sure to tell you that occur on two floors! the development field. Apart from Juma is a time for them to revitalise We, the Islamic Society, would like the dodgy heating system in Civ their connection with God; a time to to notify all students of the Juma Eng, the training weekend was a reflect and evaluate oneself during location change from Southside to success, and EWB Imperial hopes the past week. It is also a time to the Union Building (opposite Beit to run a similar event next year.

What’s on [email protected] academic year has arrived! Get a team together and see £4 (free before 8pm) Daily: 12.10pm, 3.05pm, THURSDAY SATURDAY The pub boasts cheap drinks how much you really know. Start the last day of term with 5.50pm, 8.45pm. Fri-Sat only: (around £2 for a pint or £6 Contact: [email protected] sunshine tunes in the Quad 11.35pm. 16 JUNE 18 JUNE for a bottle of wine). For all from midday. Later, there’s THE PACIFIER (PG) who attend there will be music in dBs from Nicky Daily, not Thurs: 1.20pm, FILM UNION EVENTS free drinks and Q-jumps WEDNESDAY Blackmarket, Macpherson, 3.40pm. Fri to Mon only: 6pm. KINSEY SUMMER BALL to Heaven. See website for Spindle. In other rooms, look STAR WARS: REVENGE 6pm 8pm–4.30am details: union.ic.ac.uk/scc/iq. 22 JUNE out for Candy vs Rock City, OF THE SITH (12A) Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad South Kensington campus Contact: [email protected] Bling Bling and Bar Shisha. Daily: 1.20pm, 2.25pm, £3 Ents only tickets: £25 UNION EVENTS Contact: [email protected] 4.50pm, 6.10pm, 8.30pm, Contact: [email protected] The summer ball is the main SPORTS NIGHT 9.30pm. event in the Union’s social 8pm–12midnight KINGDOM OF HEAVEN FILM calendar. This year’s ball has TUESDAY Beit Quad ALL WEEK (15) HOTEL RWANDA a Hollywood theme and fea- Free entry before 9pm Daily, not Thurs: 9.20pm. 8.30pm tures headline acts Trevor 21 JUNE Current and classic chart FILMS: VUE CINEMA, THE HITCHHIKER’S Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad Nelson and Colin Murray. music. Carlsberg and Tetley FULHAM BROADWAY GUIDE TO THE GALAXY £3 There’s still time to buy ents FILMS £1 a pint in all bars all night. Student discount ALL WEEK (PG) Contact: [email protected] tickets from Union reception, ICU CINEMA With Bar Shisha in the UDH. BATMAN BEGINS (12A) Sat-Sun only: 10.30am, 1pm. the Union shop, the Reynolds ALL-NIGHTER Free cloakroom for sports Daily: 12noon, 2pm, 3pm, 5pm, Bar and Southside Bar. 6pm bags. Now with summer bar- 6pm, 8pm, 9pm. Fri-Sat only: FRIDAY Contact: [email protected] Union Concert Hall, Beit Quad becue. 11pm. Sat-Sun only: 11am. £10 for all six films Contact: [email protected] THIRTEEN CONVER- 17 JUNE The famous all-nighter SATIONS ABOUT ONE MONDAY returns. Six quality films THING (15) UNION EVENTS shown back to back. FRIDAY Daily: 3.25pm, 6.15pm, 8.55pm. ROCK CITY 20 JUNE Contact: [email protected] Fri-Sat only: 11.30pm. Sat-Sun 8pm–2am 24 JUNE only: 1pm. Beit Quad CLUBS AND SOCIETIES UNION EVENTS MR & MRS SMITH (12A) £3 IQ END OF YEAR PARTY STA TRAVEL QUIZ NIGHT UNION EVENTS Daily: 12.05pm, 1.30pm, Playing the best rock party 7pm onwards 8–10.30pm END OF TERM 2.40pm, 4.15pm, 5.30pm, 7pm, tunes. Snakebite and black Leinster pub, Bayswater Beit Quad SHOWCASE 8.15pm, 9.45pm. Fri-Sat only: £1 a pint. FREE FREE 12noon–2am 11.20pm. Contact: [email protected] The final IQ party of this Cash and beer prizes on offer. Beit Quad SIN CITY (18) Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 19 SURVEY [email protected] Clubs and Twice his height societies: send in beer your handbook entries in now!

The Imperial College Union Handbook is published over the summer and mailed out to all UK-based freshers before they arrive. All overseas-based freshers get a copy on arrival, and any student can take one from Union reception throughout the year. Putting an entry in the Handbook is a great way to publicise your club, especially to freshers.

We need...

1. A brief description of your club in NO MORE THAN 200 WORDS. This might include what the club does, why freshers should join, where to find the club (if applicable), dates/times/ locations of regular meetings, and any other information you think necessary 2. Contact name 3. Contact email address 4. Club website address (if you have one) 5. A good quality, high resolution photo 6. PLEASE Let us know if you have any special requirements, for example regarding the name of your club. We would usually remove words like ‘Imperial’ and ‘Union’ from club names

So, if you want your club to be

André Refig, a postgraduate student in mechanical engineering, won our survey prize included in the Handbook, please for the best suggestions on how to improve Felix. He told us that the Letters section was his favourite part of the newspaper and suggested offering a prize for the best letter, send the above to [email protected] to encourage people to write in. He also suggested running reviews of pubs. His prize (above) was twice his height in beer – 26 cans of John Smith’s. BY THIS FRIDAY, 17 JUNE Rachel Lambert, a third year biology student, won our random draw and will receive half her weight in chocolate. Thanks to everyone who filled in the survey. Felix 20 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

Music [email protected] OMG ROFL!!!!!111 A slightly unconventional review of the new Leaves live set by two of our most stalwart contributors, and, braving the 100 Club toilet ‘experience’, Felix checks out The Rifles

cope with it? They must be looked so grumpy they make LIVE REVIEWS incredibly tired from the 24 hour Thom Yorke look like a prozac foraging in the undergrowth addict Leaves Indier than Thou says: Indier than Thou says: The Buffalo Bar I never thought of it from their Mmm, prozac. I think I’d be pretty HHHHI angle! So, do you remember miserable playing the tiny Buffalo Leaves the first time around? Bar, and being supported by a Indier than Thou says: Indier than Thou says: band called The Colon Hair. Hey Matty With their smooth sounds of 2002 Their singer had a pretty amazing Me=Post-Rock says: Me=Post-Rock says: voice. Hey James I do, 2002 is obviously back in, I Me=Post-Rock says: Indier than Thou says: did however notice a resemblance It must be annoying have epic Did you enjoy the Leaves gig the to Coldplay which felt out of place music confined to a few square other night? at the time of the new rock metres of taste-deprived Me=Post-Rock says: revolution decorated basement space and I did, I thought it was quite Indier than Thou says: those lads with the digestive special, I’m glad I missed The: I agree. But they were more tract disorder just heighten the Hair, or should I say The Colon atmospheric than the Chris filthy ambience. His voice was Hair Martin Show. I can’t believe how very powerful, even though at Me=Post-Rock says: much Leaves have changed in times he seemed drowned out by Lol three years! the Rock and the Roll he Indier than Thou says: Me=Post-Rock says: managed admirably those high rofl they reminded me of some Yeah, they must have tripped over notes. Leaves: I know, it’s not the band, but they are extremely photo-shy thing, can’t quite put my finger the Post-Rock Rule Book as Me=Post-Rock says: on it... written by Explosions in the Sky ...and he has a TOIGHT body signed! Well there you have it bers, such as ska flashback Lazy Me=Post-Rock says: and Godspeed You! Black YESH! then. Leaves, uniting the musical Days, which is the perfect anthem the past? Emperor, i.e. lots of snare, lots of Indier than Thou says: taste of Imperial’s indie boys and for those care-free post exam days Indier than Thou says: strings and cool noises and plenty Very droll Matty. I have to say it, I post-rockers. Oops, did I just use you’ll have. That’s it, the smooth sound of of climax was blown away by their set plural? In fact, with their ska influences 2002 Me=Post-Rock says: closer Shakma. So good. You can’t Me=Post-Rock says: The Rifles could be seen as a mod- Me=Post-Rock says: more 1998 than 2002 fault a good snare drum. You did, they are out there ern day Specials, and this is most smooth? more like garage rock Indier than Thou says: Me=Post-Rock says: somewhere. They are just stuck obvious on Repeat Offender, with a tinniness lmao Though they know how to It is one of those songs which inside the body of Kaiser Chiefs menacing bassline steamrolling the Me=Post-Rock says: write ‘em short as well. The Spell manages to defy time, when it loving scallywags. song along and the theme of ado- lol for example was ace, and only ends you haven’t realised how Indier than Thou says: lescent hooliganism apparent from Indier than Thou says: about four mins long. Do you much time has passed and you Bless their cotton socks. Bye bye the title. Yup, I quite liked the Buffalo Bar, remember that one, With the never want the song to come Matty Their main strength comes from despite the smell of stale vomit slamming piano and fuzz bass? I down. Me=Post-Rock says: their ability to make catchy, shouty Me=Post-Rock says: think it comes out soon as a Indier than Thou says: ttfn James music which accurately captures rofl, it did follow us around the single. Do you think they’ll manage to James Millen and the spirit of London circa 1977. Just room like a middle-aged gay guy Me=Post-Rock says: graze the charts? I though Good Matty Hoban take the performance of their first in Clapham I hope that is a plug because I’m Enough sounded radio-wor single, Peace and Quiet, which, fol- Indier than Thou says: sold! thy. Sing along chorus et al. And if lowing a swift drum intro, breaks Ha! So, onto business. Did you Me=Post-Rock says: Athlete can do it... The Rifles into a series of swaggering gui- know the Leaves are Icelandic? Lol Me=Post-Rock says: The 100 Club tars which has the whole crowd Which means they spend half the Indier than Thou says: I’m not so sure, aspects of each HHHHI jumping like crazy, as the songs year in TOTAL DARKNESS! Indeed, I’m expecting my cheque and every song I think require builds up to its strong point, the Indier than Thou says: from Island Records any day now! time to engross you like with a If you were to approach the aver- anthemic “…All I want is a little (Better than being in The So onwards and upwards, what lot of good music. It can be hard age man in the street and ask him, peace and quiet!” as its chorus. This Darkness) did you think of the band? Some to digest for the Athlete loving “Who do you associate with East is not a one off: when the B-side Me=Post-Rock says: of them were a bit scary lookin’ unambitious ear of the chart 17?”, chances are that he’ll ramble Breakdown is played later in the rofl, omg it must be crazy, how do Me=Post-Rock says: makers i.e. the public on about a pisspoor boy band from set, all the elements combine again owls and other nocturnal Yeah, being Icelandic must be a Me=Post-Rock says: the early nineties, whose lead singer to make another astounding live creatures like the humble badger very miserable experience. They Other bits which seem accessible hilariously fell from grace after mak- track. come across as a poor imitation of ing a faux pas over ecstasy. Unfortunately the set flies by too Coldplay still. But they are However, E17 (featuring the sub- quickly, and after the forthcoming carving their own impressive urb of Walthamstow) is also the single When I’m Alone is finished sound. home of up-and-coming band The the crowd surround the stage so Indier than Thou says: Rifles. Firing as part of the latest vol- the band can’t leave to do the whole I guess so. But album sales are ley of London rock groups, they fol- ‘we’re just popping off before we often more indicitive of quality, low the current trend of recognising play our encore’ routine, forcing and their newey Angela Test and paying homage to the punkera, them into the final track, the haunt- comes out in August. We shall with various magazines comparing ing Lost In London. see. them to classic acts like The Clash The Rifles are playing a succes- Me=Post-Rock says: and The Jam. If this description sion of gigs around the country in Yeah, I believe the album will be sounds too much like The Others for the forthcoming months, and this more indicative of whether they your liking, don’t worry; their songs reporter urges you to go out and sink into the public’s imagination. tend to reflect a more personal line catch their brash rock music whilst After all, there is a market for rather then harking on about how you can, being a welcome and those who like Sigur Ros but cool they are. upcoming addition to the popular need something more accessible Arriving on stage after some music canon. at times. strong support courtesy of The Izzys Oh, and as a final note, if anyone Me=Post-Rock says: and trippy rockers Trap 2, the band from the 100 Club happens to be The Colon Hair however I think form an immediate attraction with reading this, can you please sort will be destined to the fate of most the crowd, with the four piece shak- out your chairs and the toilets? The 2002 garage rock bands: ing hands and hugging more excit- former made my back ache, while eventually having a bath able members of the crowd, allow- the latter required wellies to navi- Indier than Thou says: ing people up on stage to, ahem, gate. Shame on you. The Rifles: damn photo-shy bands God, I hope they’re not even ‘skank’ during the more jumpy num- Matthew Hartfield Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 21

MUSIC [email protected] Gazing at shoes, enjoying the sun Friends with Four Tet, obsessed with shoegaze, and a lover of a good drum fill. Sound good to you? Dan Snaith’s newly-monikered Caribou (née Manitoba) doesn’t disappoint

catchy you’ll find yourself singing reigned in and a gentle horn swell ALBUM REVIEW it for days afterwards. A sublimely brings the song to an unusually funky Rhodes line brings in a set of restrained ending. Caribou cymbal-heavy jazz fills that’ll have After the brief noise-attack of The Milk Of Human Kindness the inner drummer in you pounding Hands First, Hello Hammerheads (Domino) the desk with pencils, pens, mugs, comes out of the blue, completely HHHHH and anything nearby. I’m not kidding unheralded by anything Snaith has – live, two drummers at the front done before. Over a pair of gently The story so far: Dan Snaith, a of the stage pretty much destroyed picked acoustic guitars and Simon good friend of Mr Keiran Hebden their kits with complex breaks and & Garfunkel vocals, he produces a (aka Four Tet), and key member of fills. spectrally pretty tale of girl trouble, Hebden’s first band, Fridge, used Brahminy Kite demonstrates humming a lilting melody over the to be called Manitoba. His second how superb Snaith’s production has beautiful chorus. record, Up In Flames, was a storm- become. Whereas on Up In Flames, Oh yes, the hiphop beats. Lord ing blend of sixties psych, glitchy certain components of the mix would Leopard, with its shout-sampling, IDM, and sunny shoegaze melodies, sound like they were clipping in his tight snare beats and sinister piano and was lauded by many as one of effort to create such an engrossing sound, sounds almost like some- best records of 2003. Since a minor wall of sound, now he knows exactly thing RZA would turn out. Pelican confrontation with an old punk how and where to place the instru- Narrows, the other instru-hop track, singer, Handsome Dick Manitoba ments within the mix for maximum sounds like an RJD2 outtake – the (heard any of his records? No? Nor effect. The shuffling, jazzy beats that filmic piano line and tense strings have I), who tried to claim Snaith open the track are joined by a sump- ride a big, fat, vintage-sounding was infringing his image, he simply tuous flute harmony that makes a drum loop. The breakdown even picked another Canadian placename huge grin spread across my face. features a harpsichord. rather than fight. Bees showcases the additional six- I know I always try to pick out So, Caribou is Manitoba. As anyone Caribou: “I can, like, play two keyboards. In an animal mask” ties influence – the laidback cool of a high point from a record, but in who has heard both Up In Flames its opening riff is completely famil- this case it’s almost impossible. I and Start Breaking My Heart (his have speculated over what the next along on a wall of distorted acous- iar, like it’s been plucked out of that haven’t even mentioned the continu- debut) will attest, Snaith’s sound step would be; more tripped out tic guitars (a previous trademark), ether that the best pop songs seem ally shifting A Final Warning and its changed massively in the two years shoegaze? More sixties references? with Snaith’s vocals higher in the to exist in. Snaith builds a shell of “ahhhhhh” guitars, or the effortless- that separated them – the latter is Hiphop beats? The answer, I can mix than they’ve ever been before. warm horn sounds, tremolo violins ly superb freakout that is Barnowl a mixture of pastoral electronica now tell you, is all of these. His voice, shorn of warping and and police sirens over an ascend- (well, OK, I have now). Put simply, and stoned beats, while the former The Milk Of Human Kindness delay, is childlike and inviting: “His ing melody, before bringing out his this is the perfect soundtrack to the is a bombastic, rapturous affair. In buzzes with the same sunny, trippy greasy fingers strum together / and trademark jazz breaks. Rather than summer – play it loud and outdoors. fact, you can barely tell they’re the feel that made Up In Flames so stretching ‘cross the sky”. Utterly allow the song to explode into a Andrew Sykes product of the same artist. Many appealing. The opener, Yeti, jogs nonsensical, but the vocal line is so melodic cacophony, the drums are Music Editor From the ashes Buffseeds, one of the least-appreciated indie bands England ever produced, sadly dissolved last year, but singer Keiran Scragg wasn’t ready to quit

“Yet this love would be extremely Nova has a different sound to the FEATURE detached”. rest of the album, in the fact that it This idea of emotional detachment has much more of a whole-band feel, Iko is used in several ways throughout I with electric guitar and screaming (ex-Buffseeds) Am Zero. Many of the songs are organ. In two of the verses Keiran’s I Am Zero sung in character, so he is talking voice is distorted to great effect about himself in the third person. (think of Matt Bellamy from Muse It wasn’t the easiest of times for Also, the idea of Iko is that it is screaming through a megaphone singer songwriter Keiran Scragg, a singer songwriter with a band, in Feeling Good). It highlights the aka Iko, when his old band Buffseeds so Keiran is Iko (compare to say theme of love and loss, with lyrics dissolved at Christmas time. He Aqualung, the name he personally like “Don’t shut me down / keep me went from playing gigs in New York records under and the name of his alive” mixed with “You’re the one to working in a factory during six band). This alternative persona my soul craves”. months of intense writer’s block. allows him to remove himself from Musically I Am Zero tends to Luckily for us, inspiration struck personal memories of loss and sad- swing between feel-good, upbeat and he headed back to the studio ness. tracks (Lovestruck, All Time Low) with Buffseeds keyboardist Neil and The first track, Lovestruck, gives and touching, ethereal love songs. guitarist Rob to start recording the you a good feel for the rest of the Numbers is ghostly and tender, with songs he had lovingly penned on an album. Built up from light drums, simple picked guitar and Keiran’s acoustic guitar in his bedroom. acoustic guitar, synth strings and vocals layered on top of themselves. The title of the album, I Am Zero, cello, it is extremely upbeat. The It breaks to just his voice at one is the title of a painting by his father song deals with the idea of impend- point, and the use of that often- that tries to capture a perfect, emo- ing disaster: “Iceberg ahead / look overlooked musical device: silence, tionless state. This spoke loudly to away, look away”. Keiran admits is spine-tingling. Damage Report his, at the time, depressed son, and it also references the Christmas (Hymn at Deaths Door) is pos- the songs started to flow. The album Tsunami disaster, and of “life slip- sibly the most beautiful moment itself is musically uplifting, but lyri- ping away from under you”. on the album. Consisting of lightly cally often mournful and longing, In a similar vein, Hologram is strummed guitar and soft electric the combined effect painting a pic- inspired by September 11th organ, it does indeed almost sound ture of the hope on the other side of (“Building fall down”) and the like a hymn. Keiran’s vocals are love and loss. breaching of America’s supreme at their best. It really tugs at you All of the songs are obviously confidence (“Does anyone here when he sings, “The final curtain extremely personal, yet Keiran was know a Superman?”). A trip to has fallen on me,” and just lets his Buffseeds: now sadly defunct adverse to the idea of the album Ground Zero had a profound effect voice crack and fade out. becoming like an autobiography. “I on the band: “it’s just such a large Iko are planning to release the can initially expect to be in London are gigs well worth your money, was looking on the net a lot, and space, and completely silent. Nobody album as soon as they can on the and Exeter (where they are based). since this kind of honest and emo- became fascinated with the idea makes a noise, or beeps a horn. internet, and to press, hopefully Friend Justin will join them on bass, tive song writing can never go out of that Artificial Intelligence could Hologram is about the confusion securing a record deal. This proc- and Rob will take on drum duties. fashion. A soundtrack to your life. develop feelings of love”, he says. and anger surrounding that event”. ess will involve touring, which you They may even take a cellist! These James Millen Felix 22 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

MUSIC [email protected] Live and amplified Queen Adreena make a rare live appearance, System Of A Down bring their insane live show (and beards) to London, and Rooster fail to impress

Your Own Bombs, apparently, which LIVE REVIEWS proves that they haven’t lost that topical edge. Of course, attacking System Of A Down the Bush administration has been Brixton Academy a popular pastime for the past five HHHHI years, but for a band whose previous songs have dealt with such issues System Of A Down were one of the as drug rehabilitation programs and stronger acts that emerged during recognition of the Armenian geno- the turn of the century nu-metal cide, they have a political agenda craze, although they don’t really that is actually far more mature deserve having that moniker round than that of the band-wagon jump- their necks. Their latest album, ing celebrities who have been all too Mezmerize, shows if anything that visible in the news of recent weeks. they haven’t lost any of that origi- Cutting to the chase, these three nality or energy in their record- songs actually did little to stir up ings, though of course the biggest emotions of the audience. It didn’t question I had when I turned up help that bassist Shavo was the in Brixton was whether this still only band member who was mov- translated into the ability to pull off ing around at this point, somewhat a great live show. damping the onstage lunacy they’re Look away now, because the short renowned for. I wasn’t thinking the answer is yes! An honourable men- band would go on to play for a fur- tion must go beforehand to their gig- ther ninety minutes, but then this mates Eighties Matchbox B-Line was System Of A Down live, where Queen Adreena: not averse to a bit of mild nudity Disaster. Having only listened to the unexpected really is expected. them occasionally on the radio, I And every one of those minutes concerned, and proof that System spat at by every howl, rasp and yelp coming gig. The three instrumental- wasn’t sure if they would be playing was worth it! The point at which it are a band marching on and con- emitted by one of the most spell- ists stood comparatively still, with any better than the current wave of became obvious that Needles was tinuing to draw hordes of support for binding performers ever to walk the only Luke on lead guitar providing retro indie plaguing the airwaves. In being played, the show shifted up a their own flavour of WTF-inducing London stage. Being taken into the adequate foil to the nimbly-hipped fact they rocked. L-O-U-D. Nothing few gears and everyone was treated rock music. Alex McKitrick void by a stage-diving work of art is Nick Atkinson. The songs melded compared to electro-grindcore, but to a truly awesome experience. one thing; being taken that bit deep- seamingly into the midst of scream- not really for the faint of heart either. Of the 25 or so songs played, er by someone wearing everyone’s ing and swooning, the bulk of them It would’ve been nice if there was the biggest share was taken from Queen Adreena heart on their sleeve is absolutely being taken from the band’s epony- slightly less feedback in their half- Toxicity, with the boys getting a few Islington Academy compelling. Kitty Collar, Pretty mous debut album. Two new songs, hour slot, as they actually weren’t a from their self-titled as well, which HHHHI Polly and Pretty Like Drugs are all Home and Standing In Line, stand bad opener for a group like System, was nice to see. Adding a couple of great songs, but losing yourself in out from the almost predictable set which is never an easy thing. obscure covers and maybe a song or With a series of cancellations, inter- the midst of such an expressive per- from a band so capable of doing When the world’s best (and prob- two off the next album Hypnotize, mittent releases and band instabil- formance is another experience. so much better. Luke’s improvisa- ably only) Armenian-folk-metal- due in the Autumn, their talents ity episodes to their good name, Queen Adreena are competent and tion on Free’s Alright Now and the fusion act walked on an hour later, weren’t wasted purely on the new the actual appearance of Queen passionate, but not quite as furious instrument swapping on Angels more or less on time, they began album, even though in hindsight it Adreena after three very average as I had come to expect from their were substantial evidence that the with the first three songs off their would’ve been nice to see a couple support bands kept the punters rapt records. Highly recommended. only way is up. latest effort, including the new sin- more of the new songs. Either way, from the word go. Famous for their Sajini Wijetilleka With solid pop-rock stompers being gle B.Y.O.B. This stands for Bring it was an entertaining night for all legendary live shows, performed by belted out in quick succession, a lit- an alternately drunk or high Katie tle more variation and a couple more Jane Garside, Queen Adreena’s act Rooster covers wouldn’t have gone amiss. juxtaposed ethereal art rock with a The Astoria The band appear to have reached a car crash, with Katie Jane’s impres- HHIII comfort zone where the onus is left sion of a more approachable Kate to Atkinson to make the show. Bush on crack providing endless Selling out the Astoria within a mat- Boy, he tries. Swaggering, pos- mind-bending entertainment for the ter of hours is the way forward when turing, posing – this guy can sing, crowds that amassed. it comes to ensuring that your gig dance, look hot and move! But the Sympathy for the poster-girl for goes down a treat. (See NIN and ennui sets in so it’s a tired man lead- anorexia and her ridiculous ging- the wonderful Avenged Sevenfold for ing the two-single encore, lightening ham loincloth aside, the band further reference.) up during the rousing renditions of worked their way through a very It means your fans are fanatical. You’re So Right For Me and Come short, albeit tight set, comprising Whether they’re less discerning is a Get Some. Pleasing as these tunes of highlights from Taxidermy and different matter, this variable being are, the observer comes away feel- Drink Me. Very few songs from the heavily hormone-dependent in the ing the set-up is a little contrived, recently released Butcher And The case of bands with evident aesthetic where Nick taking to the stage to Butterfly release were previewed, appeal. recite the intricacies of his bowel those that were played melding Case in point? Rooster. Supported habit would have garnered the same seamlessly into the fore. The audi- ably by the Weezer-lite Famous Last effect. ence were taken into a world of Words, the band took to the stage Ultimately, unsatisfying. SOAD: were these the Armenian metalheads you saw, madam? demons and daisies, whilst being with visibly little fervour for a home- Sajini Wijetilleka This is the end; the end, my friend, the end

So, the academic year is over. You’re hours and sweated buckets of, well, (he of fourth-floor library guy insult- Tangent was astonishing; honorary all finishing your projects, present- sweat over printing, layouts, editing ing fame), can continue with the mention goes to 13&God for making ing presentations or killing your neu- my badly written prose, and actually high standards Dave has set. my Notwist/Themselves collabora- rons with excessive alcohol intake. making Felix make money. I’d like to sound off with a quick tion fantasy come true. Folkwise, I think most of you will agree that On a personal note I’d like to thank rundown of my personal favour- Harris Newman’s Accidents With this year has been a great one for Dave for putting up with my inability ites from this year. First up, tak- Nature And Each Other was in my Felix. We’ve seen a huge expan- to understand the concept of dead- ing the award for best new band, ears for weeks. The guilty pleas- sion in the content of the sections, lines, promising six pages of high The Arcade Fire. I know the back- ure award goes to Architecture In and the move to newspaper format quality features and delivering two lash has begun, but despite all that Helsinki for In Case We Die, proving has made the paper look way more and half sides of spelling mistakes Funeral is a superb record, and tweeness doesn’t make you bad. I professional and given you more and factual errors (sorry to those their live show is one of the best I’ve could list some more, but these are words to skip over while you look for writers whose work I inadvertadly ever seen. Stars take the award for the ones that really stuck out. ANDREW SYKES the crossword. I think most of the credited to myself, you know who best pop album – Set Yourself On Have a good summer, kids, and credit for this should go to Mr David you are because I don’t). I hope the Fire is a bittersweet classic. In hip- don’t touch those mushrooms, no MUSIC EDITOR Edwards, who has worked many late incoming editor, Mr Rupert Neate hop, Busdriver’s A Fear Of A Black matter what NME says. Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 23

Nightlife [email protected] Homelands: festival season arrives Homelands is just about the first festival of the summer. Given that they’d booked just about every DJ in the world, it would have been rude not to go...

ing so many people that there was it’s in a bowl, there’s a slope up FESTIVAL REVIEW a queue of delinquents outside the towards the stages. Whilst this police tent, all waiting to be ‘exam- did keep the crowds from getting We Love... Homelands 2005 ined’. packed, it made it a little difficult to Matterley Bowl, Hampshire At events like this, drugs are keep an even footing. After Digweed, HHHHH almost inevitable, but the police we hung around to check out Richie clearly didn’t want to give that Hawtin (aka Plastikman). His style Homelands, or in full, ‘We Love... impression. I read later that they of minimal techno is tight, subtle Homelands’, has been running for made about a dozen arrests, but and deep. Next generation technolo- over five years, and in that time has from what I heard from fellow revel- gy give this man a very special edge. built up a reputation for being one lers most people got away with hav- One of my mates tried to drag me of the best dance festivals and the ing their stashes and tickets confis- elsewhere, but I was staying put. opener of the season. cated (though more were on sale) By midnight, things were on a roll The deal with dance festivals is and an informal caution. and we spent the rest of the night slightly different to the rest, being The location, the Matterley Bowl moving between the different are- held over one (very long) day and (a natural dip in the Hampshire nas (some of which looked way too through the night until the next countryside), was perfect. All you similar, depsite being totally differ- morning. That said, some promot- can see around you are hills and ent sizes), losing then finding each ers do run weekenders at holiday trees, and I doubt any noise from other, and talking to other party camps, and Godskitchen’s ‘Global the site gets very far. By the time people. Gathering’ event at the end of July we’d got inside, it was actually pret- By 5.30, when Danny Howells was is this year spreading the mayhem ty late. The sun was dipping, and I rounding up the event, we had all across two days. just caught the gruff tones of Roots over-exerted ourselves somewhat When I first saw the lineup for In front: Homelands. To the right: the police tent for strip searches Mavuna finishing his set in the live and made a start on getting back. Homelands 2005, with around 80 arena with Witness. The train was a sight to behold – all acts and DJs across ten separate exams. site and on into Winchester. Having got some cider down my the seats and passageways were full areas, I was literally drooling. It The event started at 12.30pm, with From the road we had trek up neck and done a bit of exploring, of messed-up, danced-out ravers, was as if the organisers had been live acts such as Babyshambles, a hill and then past Operation it was time to assess the situation. snuggling, sleeping and drooling on watching me to find out all the DJs Audio Bullys and even the likes of Cheesefoot. Operation Cheesefoot? Sadly I’d already missed a few good one another. Bless. I rate or have enjoyed over the past The Bravery and Beck there to pro- Allow me to elaborate. Hampshire acts, but the night was still young. Despite taking ages to get to, and a couple of years so they could book vide early entertainment before the Constabulary were having a day out We enjoyed some of Steve Lawler’s fair bit more than the usual amount them all. I couldn’t have forgiven onslaught into the night. We tried to as well, and they’d brought their chug-chug beats at the outdoor of random shit occuring, Homelands myself for missing out on this, so get the as early as we could, we real- sniffer dogs with them. Before even stage, before heading into Arena 1 was most definitely a cracker. booked up my ticket nice and early ly did, but events conspired against getting to the entrance to the arena, to catch Digweed. Playing a typical- Summer is here, and if Homelands to avoid disappointment and provide us – engineering works on the trains, we all had to file past this lot. There ly stalwart set, he picked us all up. was anything to go by, it’s going to me with some light at the end of the and a bus replacement driven by a were a lot of very nervous clubbers, One strange thing to note about be great. Simon Clark cold, dank tunnel that is final year proper chump who took us past the and rightly so – the police were pull- the layout of the arena is that, since Nightlife Editor

I’d like to take this opportunity Farewell to thank the few reviewers who’ve Purple pleasure made my life easier and made these The End is my favourite club. That’s pages less of a personal journal by during which time I had to put up only really relevant here because going out and telling us about it. I CLUB REVIEW with drunken dahlings squeezing, we’ve come to the end. This is the also want to give a shout out to my rubbing and grinding against me. last Nightlife of the year, and my last mate Hasan, who’s been my club- Thursdays It sounds much more pleasant than as editor of this page. bing buddy since first year, without Purple, Fulham Road it was. I have to give credit to the Whilst I’m not really sure how whom I wouldn’t have been to half £5 bar staff – fair, efficient and friendly, many of you read this stuff (the the places I have, and I wouldn’t HHHII and on their advice I got four drinks poor fools, they really don’t know have got so trashed. And we couldn’t which sorted me out for the night what they’re missing), I hope you’ve have that, now could we? Purple is a stylishly decorated venue (only until about 1.30am). And four enjoyed reading as much as I’ve Aside from that, I don’t really have located in or around the Chelsea vodka red bulls for a tenner isn’t enjoyed writing. It’s really been much to say. At the time of writing Village complex. I say in or around, too bad. quite a giggle partying down in the there is no Nightlife editor for next since as a non-football fan I’m not Usually at these types of clubs, the name of good journalism – hopefully year, so if you fancy filling some sure. It’s close by anyway, and as music depresses the hell out of me, I’ve helped you plan your nights pages with whatever happens to be such easy to find. but tonight I really was pleasantly out, entertained you a little, or at floating through your head at the This really isn’t the kind of place surprised. It was mostly a mixture the very least helped you under- time... I mean, if you want to become I go to very often. To me it’s not a of hip hop and R&B, including some stand why so many of us (if not that a serious and respected journalist, club, it’s a drinking house. Usually Jurassic 5, and there was nothing many Imperial kids) like to spend drop us a line at [email protected] and I resent being charged entrance to I heard that’d I’d really call shit. I our weekends bouncing around dark you could be sitting here writing this a place with an overcrowded bar, have to give the DJ large amounts rooms listening to strange, repeti- next year. It’s well worth it – having overpriced drinks and uninspiring Barney: big, purple, throbbing of respect for dropping about half a tive electronic music. media power means that virtually music, but tonight I was with friends dozen tracks that I really like (and I started the year with a festival every club in the capital will gladly so got dragged along. Actually it you can’t get in, presumably unless actually sang along to), plus the fact – the sundrenched South West Four put you on their VIP list so you can isn’t as bad as all that. you’re a footballer or a wannabe foot- that he could mix and he did mash on Clapham Common – and I’m splurge about them. Also, with the Inside it does look pretty classy, baller’s wife/plaything. The crowd it up a bit. ending it with one. Homelands was power comes fame, fortune and fine with a video screen, drapes and tonight was pretty young, since it Given what this place is (and wicked, even if there’s some stuff women falling at your feet*. floors on different levels. The place was student (cheaper) night, and my usual disinclination for such I haven’t printed (I’ll tell you when So that’s it. Piss off now, leave me boasts an ‘exclusive VIP area’ (read: generally pretty. A mate advised me establishments) I was genuinely you’re old enough). alone. Enjoy your summer. Work like ‘roped off part of the club’), as well that most of the ladies were looking impressed. I’m surprising even The passing of Homelands means you don’t need the money. Love like as podiums, a DJ box tucked right to pull rich guys, but on that I really myself here by saying that I’d come it’s festival time again. Woo! As you’ve never been hurt. Dance like out of the way, a fair amount of couldn’t comment. back to Purple – I reckon it’d be usual, there’s tons going on over no-one’s watching. See you in front seating and only one bar (that I The solitary bar was really a good place to go post-pub on a the summer. If I could make it I’d of the speakers. Simon Clark saw). rammed – about ten deep – and it Thursday, to warm up for a ‘real’ be well up for Godskitchen’s Global (soon to be former) Nightlife Editor I’m told that at the weekends took quite a while to get served, club later. Simon Clark Gathering – they’re doing it over two nights this year. If you’re anything * None of these things are true. We need a NIGHTLIFE EDITOR and CLUB REVIEWERS for next year! Interested? Email [email protected] like me, you’ll be thinking “God, Especially the women, this is that’s going to be messy...” Imperial dammit.

Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 25

Arts [email protected] Raising an eyebrow Cult icon Frida Kahlo is back in town

work – there are 62 paintings and ing after suffering a hideous road EXHIBITION numerous sketches. There are accident in 1925 (I’d rather not go paintings loaned from numerous into the specifics, as just thinking Frida Kahlo museums in Mexico as well as from about it makes me nauseous), to Tate Modern private collectors such as Madonna. allay terminal boredom. The second Bankside, SE1 Also included are sketches and pen- room of the exhibition is dedicated Ends 9 October cil drawings as well as some water- to the paintings of this early period Tickets: £8 students, £10 full price colours which show yet another of exploration and development of facet of the artist’s style – her water- style and themes – the works of the You would have to try exception- colours are almost unrecognisable 1920s are remarkably different from ally hard to miss the hype around as the work of the same woman. those of the more mature Kahlo. the new Frida Kahlo exhibition at The contents are arranged prima- Her painting style, particularly in the Tate Modern. It’s everywhere rily in chronological order but with oils, changed dramatically after she – newspapers, glossy magazines, some rooms dedicated to a certain met and later married the already television and posters around town. theme, such as self-portraiture and larger than life muralist legend The thing is, after the period a still-life paintings. The exhibition’s Diego Rivera. Her experiences as few years ago when Mexico was the curators have done well in adopt- his wife and his influence and guid- ‘fashionable’ country to visit, and ing this scheme as it allows for a ance on her work are clearly vis- then the Salma Hayek biopic, Frida good examination of the develop- ible. The period spent with her hus- has come back with vengeance. ment of the artist’s style. However, band in the United States led her to She’s a quirky fashion-pack favour- much of the explanatory tags and become ‘more Mexican’ as she felt ite, feminist and left wing activists so forth accompanying the exhibits homesick and out of place, and also adopt her as their own (she did after often reek of over-analysis of the added to her list of personal trag- all belong to the Communist Party works by parties not having a proper edies as she suffered a miscarriage. and was a very independent woman understanding of the culture that Kahlo’s art is essentially a reflec- given the standards of the time). influenced the artist so strongly. tion of her life and her feelings Her paintings fetch the highest pric- The general spouting of rubbish towards herself and those in her life; es by any female artist and her work regarding Kahlo’s art, life and influ- her art is not complicated, as many is collected by celebrities. ences is regrettably not limited to would encourage you to believe, The show at the Tate Modern col- the official gallery blurbs – both The it is raw. She paints of her happy lects an impressive array of Kahlo’s Times and The Independent have moments, Frida Kahlo y Diego carried sadly pretentious articles Rivera (1931) on the event of her and the coverage given by the BBC wedding, and her almost constant was laughably inaccurate, show- sadness and pain, La columna rota casing the corporation’s employ- (1944). ees’ inability to even read a press The work collected for the show release. is very wide ranging and does allow The impact on Kahlo’s art of being for a real insight into the life of Frida mixed race is over-emphasised Kahlo. Most interesting to see are (pretty much every Mexican is part her changing attitudes to herself European and part indigenous), and Rivera. These are clearly docu- where in fact more focus should mented by the numerous names really be placed on her passion for she uses when signing her paint- La columna rota, Frida Kahlo (1944), Museo Dolores Olmedo Patiño her country and its culture. She ings; they reflect periods of love is criticised for being narcissistic, and loathing and of finally coming in accepting herself as an individual Angel, (both are suburbs of Mexico using herself as the subject many to terms with herself as a person. in a physically damaged state. City these days), are preserved and of her paintings; she was, after all, Her issues are not so much of an The exhibition is thoroughly inter- open to the public. often bedridden and the wife of a identity crisis arising from a mixed esting and is also a unique chance A parting word: please avoid buy- brilliant, though womanising, fellow heritage – she chooses to call her- to see so much of Kahlo’s work ing any of the Mexican handicrafts artist, she spent most of her time self by her more Germanic name, collected in one place. She remains on sale at the Tate Modern. You will alone. She painted what she knew Frida, instead of Carmen while her an iconic figure within Mexico and be royally ripped off and a trip to best and what was at hand – her- dressing reflected the regional cos- her family home, La Casa Azul in Mexico would be far more reward- Autorretrato con mono, Frida self. tume of different parts of Mexico Coyoacán, as well as the home she ing anyway. Paola Smith Kahlo (1940), loaned by Madonna Kahlo (1907-1954) began paint- – but more from problems she had shared with Diego Rivera in San Arts Editor Parklife Emily Lines lounges around on the grass

tage really... bles every Sunday from 19 June on Cenerentola) by the Garden Opera of August. Summer in the parks Hyde Park has by far the full- its bandstand, whilst Bushy Park Company on 3 and 17 July, with tick- Finally, there are several visual Around London est calendar, with something going (near Teddington) is holding an ets at a very reasonable £18. arts shows running in Regent’s Park, on at least once a week until the afternoon of jazz on the 26th. St Then, of course, there is the famous Battersea Park and Kensington If, like me, you’ve finished your middle of September. There are James’s Park, Battersea Park and Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre Gardens, and for those wishing to exams and recovered from the concerts from REM, Queen and Regent’s Park also have extensive Season, running from now until the really get their creative juices flow- hangover enough to brave the sum- Paul Rodgers, Live8 as well as the bandstand programmes, including 11 September. Tickets start from ing, there are drawing masterclass- mer sun outside, you may have some O2 Wireless Music Festival on 24, the National Youth Jazz Orchestra £10 and the programme includes es in Greenwich Park with the artist time on your hands and the inclina- 25, 29 and 30 June. Later on in on 14 July. Twelfth Night and Cymbeline, as Frances Treanor. tion to get out and do something a September there will be Proms in Regent’s Park is hosting the free well as Gilbert and Sullivan’s HMS On another note, the Royal Opera bit different. Well, London’s parks the Park, including a last night host- festival Fruitstock on 6 and 7 August, Pinafore, and Sunday night com- House is putting up big screens in offer the perfect solution, and I don’t ed by Terry Wogan with the tenor which promises to be a weekend of edy including Harry Hill, Jimmy Canada Square, Covent Garden, just mean taking a crate and lying Andreas Bocelli and the violinist “music, smoothies and maybe even Carr and the Comedy Store Players. Trafalgar Square and Victoria Park around in Battersea all day. There Nicola Benedetti. love” and was voted the Best Live Greenwich Park is also hosting showing the operas Rigoletto and are events all summer long, many of Continuing on a musical note, Event of 2004 (according to its web- Shakespeare this summer, with La Bohème, as well as a collection them free, all over the capital, and it Kensington Gardens is hosting site). There will also be 2 perform- Hamlet showing at the end of July, of short ballet pieces called Stars of seems a shame not to take advan- classical wind and brass ensem- ances of Rossini’s Cinderella (La and As You Like It at the beginning the Royal Ballet. Felix 26 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

[email protected] Film Listings: page 18 Not Brad, but not Jolie Gary Lee finds the Smiths distinctly common

have two suave, rich, good looking six years”. However, their marriage sizzles. Both are funny and sexy, more interesting to see how both Mr and Mrs Smith and articulate individuals who are seems to be heading for trouble, as so it is never boring seeing them John and Jane Smith execute their Director: Doug Liman presented as the ultimate dream they refuse to communicate with one exchange comments and even gun- jobs on a daily basis. Starring: Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, couple. Or so it seems. another about their lives. Their vis- fire. The movie goes to great length The support cast did not seem to Vince Vaughn, Adam Brody For a start, you wouldn’t want its to the marriage counsellor, which to show off the two gorgeous heroes have a lot of screen time and so the Length: 120 minutes these particular Smiths inviting you appear in snapshots throughout the in action with a final showdown that viewer might find it hard to get to Certificate: 15 over for dinner, since Mrs Smith film, give us an idea of the lack of is so reminiscent of other films of know the characters. HHHII keeps a stash of lethal weapons in trust they have for each other. this nature. In summary, there wasn’t anything a secret compartment in the oven. In a twist of fate, the pair discov- However, there does not seem to unexpected from this film but it was A recent poll suggested that the Getting caught in the crossfire of er that their next targets are each be any development of the organisa- still an entertaining watch. The plot, name Smith is deemed the most their domestic arguments can actu- other. Thus begins a high octane tions that they work for, and the film although somewhat predictable, common surname in the world. ally be life threatening. adventure. seemed to end on quite an abrupt still manage to deliver, due to both Thus we could easily assume that a Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie star Jolie and Pitt carry the film very note without knowing how these Pitt and Jolie being so suited to couple with that surname would be as Mr and Mrs Smith, assassins well. Most of the attention and focus mysterious groups might inter- their roles. There is actually very as common a couple as you can get. leading double lives as a quiet sub- are directed on them, and rightly fere with the couple’s lives again. little substance to the film, but it still Add some glamour to that and you urban couple married for “five or so, as their on-screen chemistry Perhaps it would have been a lot serves up a good night out.

Angelina Jolie as Mrs Smith: get back in the kitchen, love Brad Pitt takes aim... at the woman he loves Fantastic for you? OUT THIS WEEK Released on Thursday 16 June at Vue Fulham Broadway: ture, gaining incredible strength as Fantastic Four a result and calling himself The ● Batman Begins Director: Tim Story Thing. Together, they use their pow- Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Michael ers to try and foil the evil plans of Dr Booking for Thursday 30 June at Chiklis, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Doom (Julian McMahon). Vue Fulham Broadway: Julian McMahon As a fan of movies in the comic Running time: 123 minutes book genre, I have been anticipating ● The War of the Certificate: PG the release of Fantastic Four for a Released: 22 July while now and am sure I won’t be Worlds disappointed with the results. The This summer marks the release of movie promises to be eye candy, Visit www.myvue.com/student for what’s said to be the most visu- with the attention to detail being more details. ally stunning comic book movie yet, phenomenal. The Thing was created Vue Fulham Broadway are giving as Fantastic Four takes to the big using prosthetics rather than CGI you the opportunity to win a Batman screen. and achieves a unique look instead Begins poster. Just answer this Whilst in outer space on an experi- of the incredibly fake Hulk. A lot of question: Who is Batman’s alter- mental voyage, four astronauts get time was also spent on making Mr ego? bombarded with cosmic rays, grant- Fantastic’s stretching ability seem Email your answer and which ing them superpowers and changing real and giving it an awesome elas- merchandise you would like to win them forever. Scientific genius Reed tic appearance. to [email protected]. Usual Felix Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) gains the As always with this type of competition rules apply. ability to stretch and manipulate film, it is everybody’s wish that it Last weeks winners: Jessica his body and takes the name Mr stays true to the comics. Fantastic Wright, Zheng Wu, Marco Visentini Fantastic. Reed’s girlfriend Sue Four promises just that. Both as Scarzanella. Alan Ng Storm (Jessica Alba) is granted the a group and individually, the char- Film Editor power to become invisible and cre- acter development and relation- ate force fields, aptly naming her- ships are being kept just how they self The Invisible Woman. Sue’s hot- should be. head brother Johnny (Chris Evans) I’m predicting that Fantastic Four becomes The Human Torch, able to will be one of this summer’s big control fire and cover his entire body films. If this article hasn’t made you with roaring flames. Reed’s best want to see it then I’ve got four more friend Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) words for you: Jessica Alba in lycra. is transformed into a rock-like crea- Stephen Smith ‘The Human Torch’ – he’s hot Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 27

FILM [email protected] Batman Begins competition

As part of the release of Batman Begins, Warner Bros have generous- ly provided you with the opportunity to win one of ten sets of T-shirts, caps and light key chains.

To win, just answer this: where does Batman work? (a) New York (b) Metropolis (c) Gotham City

Email your answer to film.felix@ ic.ac.uk. Usual Felix rules apply. Alan Ng Film Editor

Books [email protected] It’s like warm apple π Martin Smith investigates the x factor

much of a fan of ‘popular’ science It’s not all just about hump- ing of the female orgasm, but at Mathematics and Sex books, I must admit this one did ing though. For me, the climax times her informal, chatty style just by Clio Creswell tickle my fancy. of the book was the chapter that equates to using multiple punctua- (Allen & Unwin) A fairly sedate start sees Clio uses another meaning of ‘sex’ and tion marks (?!) and an ellipsis to end ★★★★✩ toying with the ideas of describing describes in detail some reasons each paragraph… the patterns of love with differen- why there isn’t a ‘third gender’, but As one might expect, the final I’d love to be able to say that math- tial equations. Some of you may that there might conceivably have chapter is entitled ‘Orgasm’, but ematics and sex have been the be familiar with these ideas in the been one in the past. it’s by no means the highlight and key features of my degree here context of population dynamics or The style is very light-hearted, just seems to be a nod towards the at Imperial, but sadly my recent epidemiology: in this case, ‘love is and the maths isn’t really derived real reason why you picked up this exams proved I’ve spent more time the drug’. Finally you can map your in the strict sense: it just tends book. thinking about one than the other. fear of commitment or your desire to be ‘here’s an impressive looking As a general guide though, for To complement this, I’d like to rec- to be loved with a few extra terms equation for anyone looking over an entertaining book about sex, ommend to you all Clio Cresswell’s in an equation – ecstasy for any your shoulder’, rather than expect- relationship advice and tactics for book, which provides a rationale Imperial geek. ing you to understand it yourself. who to hit on at a celebrity party, for the number crunching I’ve been Perhaps not so relevant is the dis- Some of you will recognise parts of all with a light dusting of equa- avoiding for the last three years. cussion of how to know when to stop it, but it’s all explained with sexu- tions on top, look no further than Funnily enough, the word ‘sex’ hunting for a lifelong partner: is al abandon and includes snippets Mathematics and Sex. If you were is printed around five times larger she the one? Fortunately an answer of graph theory, game theory and hoping for more diagrams, check than the word ‘mathematics’ on the is at hand if you can reduce your matching problems to whet your out Housewives Love Mechanics; front cover, and despite the old say- mate-finding situation to a string of picking the next best one after that appetite. The author seems intent but if carefully defined Greek let- ing this is a fairly good judge of its letters, and Clio explains why you to settle down with. Chat-up lines on seducing you to mathematics ters do it for you then stick with content. Whilst I’m not normally should road-test 12 people before are not included. with the promise of an understand- Berkshire’s Classical Mechanics. Felix 28 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

CoffeeCoffee BBreakreWitha Davidk Hasselhoff Okay, it’s over. It’s the last Felix of the year this week, but far more impor- tantly, it’s Coffee Break’s last appearance. Though some of you may think it’s about time, huge thanks go to everybody who entered, read, or even ignored our little page. We love you all

FUCWIT Results 2004-5 (the year of the Hoff) The last Coffee Break of the year signals an end to our annual Felix Unforgettable Coffee Break Weekly Issued Tournament (FUCWIT). We’ve had plenty of teams enter this year, all of which we’re sure are eagerly awaiting the final table. So here it is...

First thing’s first, thank you to all the teams who entered the FUCWIT 1st 2nd 3rd FUCWIT LEAGUE competition, you’re superstars, one 2004-5 and all. Even the rubbish teams too. 1. Araldite Sniffers 310 points Honourable mentions go to any teams who decided to clog our inbox 2. Smith & Wesson 249 points with random Hoff-themed crap. 3. Forever Throwing Doubles Though slightly disturbing, it’s all 232 points good. 4. Tinkerbell 197 points Also, if you’re wondering what hap- pened to Coffee Break these past 5. Caledonian Conspiracy 143 points two weeks, the Hoff, like so many of 6. The Illegitimate Bionic Progeny of you, had coursework to hand in. Jeremy Beadle 134 points Before we get on with the very important issue of prizes, here are 7. Management Slackers 127 points the answers to issues 1323 and Here are our winners, the all- In second place we have the Our third placed team are the 1324. conquering Araldite Sniffers, warriors of Coffee Break, Smith & ‘wacky’ Forever Throwing 8. Eastbound and Down 116 points a team so efficient they make Wesson. They might look meek Doubles guys and gals. Kind of 9. Kings of Kensington 110 points Issue 1323 answers Germans look lazy. Armed with and mild-mannered, but Dragons like the Addams Family, but with calculators, dandruff and Google, Beware! With Smith’s +5 Fire Lance more polyester, they like nothing 10. Schoolboy Error 108 points Hoff ’s Long Weekend for these guys no challenge is too and Wesson’s mastery of the Dark more than a crazy evening drinking 11. Team Willy J 93 points (Thanks to The House Of Earthly hard, no subject too obscure and Arts (Pokemon Cards), there is no Ribena, eating cookies and listening Delights) no anti-perspirant, ever. Without puzzle they cannot defeat. As well to Micheal Jackson songs. Losers. The Hoff kicked off his weekend by 12. Team Robin 81 points girlfriends around to distract them, as an encyclopaedic knowledge of That said, any team whose collective desperately trying to convert a few 2 they can devote maximum time to Advanced D&D rules, they hold the DVD collection includes Mr Nanny, 13. KPN 73 points computer geeks to the lost cause of the psychotic penguin (aka Linux). their twin passions, Coffee Break Holy Grail of Coffee Break teams: Beverley Hills Ninja and Flubber will 14. House of Earthly Delights 69 points What better place to start than at and internet porn. What more could premium membership at imdb.com. always be welcome here. a world-renowned, research-led you want? Guys you’re worthy Lucky guys. As the third placed team, these 15. Team Bulwer 42 points winners and The Hoff salutes you. For coming second, the team wins guys win a fantastic electric scientific institution like Imperial? 16. The Schist Ones 38 points The dearth of the fair sex, however, For their efforts, the team wins a a very cool pair of Battling Tanks, shock lie detector machine. No spelt disaster for his commendable shiny new iPod Shuffle and some which look pretty awesome to be longer will arguments descent into 17. Withnail and I Society 31 points plans... music to play on it. What music? The honest. They also get a soundtrack shenanigans at their house. They Breathless, he got on a conven- Very Best Of David Hasselhoff. Oh, to the carnage: The Very Best Of also get The Very Best of David 18. Rod Watson’s Super Army 29 points tional plane (his beloved Concorde we spoil you. David Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff. having recently been ‘retired’) and 18. Oliver Carson 29 points made it across the pond with a two- week pregnant 21 year-old acquaint- an autograph from The Man, how- from lovely Rotherham. You can Everything You Always Wanted To 20. Natasha Kundi 10 points ance. He somehow found his way ever, spelt disaster for the efforts catch them almost every day on Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Texas, where the local abortion underway (which was interpreted CBBC. Laughter is the best mnedi- To Ask), Annie Hall, Diane Keaton. 21. Shatner’s Bassoon 9 points clinic had oft proven its use to this in the rest of the world as a lack of cine, and there is no better hango- Withnail & I, Alien 3, Bill Murray, 22. Minzy’s Special Needs Corporation most fertile of males. Unfortunately, plan). Thus, the only nuclear power ver cure than watching Paul and Kingpin, Woody Harrelson. 6 points a lack of money didn’t allow him to in the region had yet to be made Barry trying to carry a grand piano Coming to America, James Earl proceed as planned... to feel comprehensively safe and up some stairs. It’s comedy genius. Jones, Harrison Ford, William H Next stop, Miami, and, in a secure... 5. Hulk Hogan has been in several Macy, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, rare departure from his blonde- films, but the most well known are Boogie Nights. Prizes! American-dream style bimbos, the Real Men Mr Nanny, Suburban Commando Kiefer ‘I’m a federal agent, and Hoff this time decided to see how 1. Rick Moranis, legendary star and my personal favourite, Three I will kill you’ Sutherland, Phone Huge thanks to all our teams, you’ve far his charms would get him in of Scarface, Citizen Kane and Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Booth, Alexander, Angelina Jolie, earnt some great prizes. The top attempting to seduce a nice look- Anchorman, also played Wayne Mountain, an emotive tale of one Nicholas Cage, Face/Off. three have all won copies of The ing, Cuba-exiled young girl (he must Szalinski in the hard-hitting fact- narcoleptic fighter pilot’s mission Battle Royale, Chiaki Kuriyama, Very Best Of David Hasselhoff and have heard the rumours entwin- based drama Honey, I Shrunk The for equality. Kill Bill, Steve Buscemi, The Big some cool stuff besides (see above). ing thick Cuban cigars, slim, under- Kids. 6. Homer’s middle name is Jay. Lebowski, John Goodman. The rest of you have a choice of age female thighs and something 2. Chuck Norris, while he’s not busy Duh. a four-pack of lovely bottled lager, else I’m forgetting at the moment); killing foreigners, blowing up for- 7. The A-Team are great, and always Hair of the Gods some non-alcoholic equivalent, or unfortunately, a distinct lack of alco- eigners or shagging attractive for- will be. As well as being Grade A 1. Samuel L Jackson’s delightful a copy of The Very Best Of David hol (along with them seducing pills) eigners, likes to take time out to do Soldiers of Fortune, their ability to Jerry Curl wig from Pulp Fiction. Hasselhoff. I know what I’d pick. and an overtly jealous uncle meant a little bit of acting. As well as crop- create cars, jet planes and rockets 2. It’s George Michael from his If you’re intrested in writing for he had to swim all the 140km to ping up in Dodgeball he also plays a from the contents of a simple locked Wham! heyday. Remember kids, Coffee Break next year, email the Cuba, board a military helicopter at transvestite hooker in the feel-good barn is a talent we can all envy. Face choose life. editor at [email protected]. the Guantanamo Bay Army Base, hit of 1991, Walker, Texas Ranger. was the missing guy. 3. It’s Dusty Hill from ZZ Top. Nice So thank you all for reading and and hastily make his way across half 3. Robocop is Alex Murphy, not Peter Beard. have a great summer, as next year the globe to... Weller. Peter Weller is a fucking Issue 1324 answers 4. It’s the People’s Princess, Lady is going to be yet another bad one at The New Model Republic of Iraq! actor, Robocop is the shit. That said, Di. Imperial. The Hoff may or may not Hoping to play his part in spreading my only memories of the film are of Six Degrees of Whoever 5. The Godfather of Soul, and a living be back, it all depends on whever freedom (not to mention his superi- him eating baby food. It’s a bit long to go through this in legend, Mr James Brown. he’s passed his software enginering or genes) to this part of the world, he 4. The Chuckle Brothers, who are detail, so here are our answers: 6. Bloody Beckham innit. exam. See you and remember, viva aligned himself with the American brothers as their name suggests, Dodgeball, Jeff Goldblum, 7. It’s not Elvis like some thought, la revolution, save Southside! authorities in bringing about Iraqi not father and son like some idiots Independence Day, Chevy Chase. instead it’s famous weirdo emo-boy, Shaun Stanworth Freedom. The GI rush to secure would have you beleive, originate Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder, Morrissey. Coffee Break Editor Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 29

COFFEE BREAK [email protected] Coffee Break Top Trumps It’s a little pointless doing any quizzes this week, as any sane person will be going home for the summer. So to entertain you over your break, we’ve got a little game for you. Cut out and enjoy.

Mr ‘Toot-Toot’ Toad Andre ‘The’ Giant Father ‘Feckin’ Jack George ‘Grill’ Foreman

Action 4 Action 6 Action 2 Action 5 DIY 7 DIY 4 DIY 5 DIY 2 Sport 5 Sport 7 Sport 4 Sport 6 Comedy 3 Comedy 2 Comedy 7 Comedy 4 Drinking 2 Drinking 1 Drinking 8 Drinking 3 BBQ 6 BBQ 5 BBQ 1 BBQ 8 Parking 8 Parking 3 Parking 6 Parking 1 Fisticuffs 1 Fisticuffs 8 Fisticuffs 3 Fisticuffs 7

David ‘The Hoff’ Hasselhoff ‘Bender’ George ‘Drunk’ Best Richard ‘Mutha Fucka’ Pryor

Action 8 Action 1 Action 3 Action 7 DIY 1 DIY 8 DIY 4 DIY 3 Sport 2 Sport 3 Sport 8 Sport 1 Comedy 5 Comedy 6 Comedy 1 Comedy 8 Drinking 4 Drinking 7 Drinking 6 Drinking 5 BBQ 3 BBQ 2 BBQ 7 BBQ 6 Parking 7 Parking 5 Parking 2 Parking 4 Fisticuffs 6 Fisticuffs 4 Fisticuffs 5 Fisticuffs 2 Felix 30 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005 Felix staff 2004-5

Back row (left to right): Martin Smith (Books Editor), Darius Nikbin (Science Editor), Andrew Sykes (Music Editor). Middle row (left to right): Gabriella Silvestri (Careers Editor), Alan Ng (Film Editor), Numaan Chaudhry (Business Editor), Alexander Antonov (Crossword Setter). Front row (left to right): Cassandra Aldrich (Careers Editor), Paola Smith (Arts Editor), Dave Edwards (Editor), Simon Clark (Nightlife Editor). Felix bound editions 2004-5 Your personal souvenir of the Imperial year Bound editions are large black hardback books containing all 29 of this year’s issues of Felix. Each bound edition is specially personalised with your name on the front in gold lettering. This year’s bound editions will be sold at cost price (in the region of £60 each) and will be ordered from our printers soon. If you are interested in buying one or would like more information, just email [email protected] with BOUND EDITION in the subject line. Felix Thursday 16 June 2005 www.felixonline.co.uk 31

Puzzles [email protected] Felix Crossword 1327 by SSnufkinnufkin

1 2 3 4 5 5 6 7 8 Across 1. Assembly hall, perhaps (8) 5. Give the go-ahead for redistribution of prime time (6) 9 10. Sing ballads about man involving love (5) 11. Converted realist to philosopher (9) 10 11 12. One attacking idiot found with promiscuous Latina (9) 13. Sex offender’s not from our church (5) Hello, solvers one and all. I’m 9 14. Light-headed, having drink with early evening meal (4,3) afraid after two weeks of solid 16. Dull sermon read out (6) essay-writing I have few words 12 13 13 18. Trailblazer came across friend of Pooh, it’s said (6) left in me. The amateur psychol- 20. Aspen serves as shelter for poet (7) ogists amongst you might like to 11 12 13 22. Football crowd following a gem (5) muse on the answers to 11, 23, 23. Wanton and utterly worthless? (9) and 28 across, and 1, 6, 7, 9, 17, 14 15 16 25. Flirt with royal couple? (9) 19, 21, and 24 down; I can only try 26. Route deviates beyond the pale (5) to assure you of their innocence. 27. Foresaw end of hostilities, and wept (6) 15 17 Now I must get back to revision. 28. In a nasty way – like a beer? (8) Good luck! Snufkin 18 18 19 20 Down 1. Lumbar trouble returned to one outside hospital (8) Issue 1326 solution 21 19 2. Straightens out clubs (5) 3. Potter – the one to captivate people in comic strip (6,3,6) I N D I C T R E P I T A P H S N I E G H R E D A O H I R N C 22 23 24 4. Falls over again and starts to regret alcohol (7) 6. Be consumed to the quick with envy? (3,4,5,3) N O T O U T D A U R E V O I R O A R I R A C T L N A G C E I 7. Bounty captured by these men – sure it’s lost? (9) 22 23 C H A N C E L S N E P O N Y M 8. Angry after match, so rowed (6) E U I Y H S E U I L O R E E P 25 25 26 9. Gun for companion of Falstaff (6) N O N C O M M U N I S T I F Y 15. Soldier handing out explosives? (9) T E S F F A E R C A T T P L B 17. Dickensian character stuck in boring menial job (8) 24 T A I R E I N V I G O R A T E 19. Explosive material found in chambers (6) A O J G N D T A S T L J G H N 20. Old city surrounded by unruly Masai warriors (7) L O U N G E A B O N I F A C E 27 28 21. University grounds effeminate American (6) T M L T L Y J A R A C I N L D 24. Teach about trout (5) A G I T A T O R O A S S I S I I T U V N R H C U N E I S E C R E S I D E N T R H E R M I T Felix Unforgettable Cryptic Giant Sudoku by Fishface Crossword H O N I F K G M J Awards 2005 I K L P D G N Ladies and gentlemen, as we’ve been promising all year, there are prizes for solving our cryptic crosswords! Yes, every correct cryptic crossword you sent in got you an entry into the prize C G E A M F J I Complete the grid so that every draw for the third annual Felix Unforgettable Cryptic Crossword row, every column and every 4x4 Awards (FUCCAs). F P D J N E K B L square (bounded by bold lines) contains the letters A to P. And the winners are... K P D H C L N M Email your solution to coffee. Karen Osmond, Computing IV (Digital camera) [email protected] by Tuesday H M P E G J N O C 21 June. No attachments please. Simon Overell, Computing IV (MP3 player) The first correct solution E J K D O H P B randomly drawn wins your choice Matthew Pott, EE III (USB storage device) of a 128MB USB storage device or a crate of beer. Congratulations to them, and thanks to everyone who sent in O I G E M P A H K solutions. We hope you’ve enjoyed Felix crosswords this year. L F I J N E M A D Issue 1326 solution 6 4 7 5 8 1 9 3 2 G M D H F E N J 8 2 1 6 3 9 4 5 7 3 9 5 7 2 4 1 8 6 4 5 3 9 1 7 6 2 8 D O E A F J C M L 7 1 8 2 4 6 5 9 3 2 6 9 8 5 3 7 1 9 1 8 6 4 9 2 3 7 5 N P I D O F E G 5 3 4 1 7 8 2 6 9 9 7 2 3 6 5 8 4 1 M G L C I A N D J Thanks to everyone who entered. Last week’s winner is medical O E F G C P H B student Rose Strickland- Constable. B N A D O C P P C D L N B M A E Felix 32 www.felixonline.co.uk Thursday 16 June 2005

Sport [email protected] Hockey successes in Essex

HOCKEY this game on the water- based pitch rather than the Mixed tournament usual sand. We won 2-0 with goals from Pikey and Essex By Pikey Wideboy who, along with Stoner Tom, dominated the On Saturday 28 May, Imperial’s midfield. Too Keen kept us all finest hockey players (well fresh by subbing on and off, those who didn’t have exams, showing some nice touches. projects or the sense to say no Our final game was against to getting up early) travelled one of the Old Lought’s teams. to Chigwell to play in an inter- The less said about the game club mixed tournament at Old the better. It ended in a 0-0 Loughtonians hockey club. stalemate though not for a For those of you who didn’t lack of trying and the fact that do A-level geography or have the Old Lought’s team had never been outside the Circle an awesome goalkeeper who Line, Chigwell is in Essex, turned out to be a bit of stun- “mate”. Luckily we had our ner when she took her helmet own Essex Wideboy to see off, according to Sieve. that we safely made our way So we had five points at from Black Horse Road tube the end of the group games, to the pitches in a fleet of taxis which put us in second place without getting run over by in the table, meaning that we boy racers in their modified progressed through to the Ford Escorts. Cup playoffs. As a result, in We arrived in true Imperial our minds we were already fashion just before push-back winners. Just as well, because for our first game, thus negat- the team we drew in the ing the need for a warm-up semis was Mill Hill who had as has become traditional. thrashed all the teams in their However, I was reliably group. informed by the Old Loughts The game was excellent, groundsman that Brandon although our efforts were Lee (who had made his own somewhat thwarted by Essex way there) had been at the Wideboy who decided to slice gates at 7.30am to practice his a free hit into Pikey’s knee drag-flicks from shot corners. and the fact that they had Didn’t anyone tell him that a ‘supposed’ national league girls have to have the first player in their team. The final strike in mixed? Oh well. score was a 2-0 defeat, though More importantly we only in true Imperial fashion we had 10 players, which doesn’t never gave up fighting, espe- make a team. Fortunately cially Moony who had an awe- Pikey’s skills at chatting some bitch at the rather large up young girls and Essex Imperial’s mixed hockey team female umpire. Mill Hill went Wideboy’s charm in being at on to win the tournament so his home club meant that we ventful, largely because we angles. We weathered their of sloppy play lead to the much to our disappointment, we lost to the best team, obvi- managed to get two girls from were all sluggish and they comeback storm with Sieve Redbridge Redskins equalis- so the game ended 1-1. One ously! Old Loughts to play for us were rubbish. We scored impressive in goal and Sarah ing. (Sounds like something point to start. For lots more on Imperial’s throughout the day. Thanks to first as Moony, our very own C, Spanner and the Italian out of a Budweiser ad doesn’t The second game was Hockey Club, including loads Vicki and Laura! lady in pink, coolly slotted Job forming a solid defence. it.) Unfortunately there was against a team calling them- of pictures, check out www. The first match was une- home from the tightest of However, a short period no added-time multi-ball, sselveselves W Welcome.elcome. W Wee p playedlayed iimperialhockey.co.uk.mperialhockey.co.uk.

Quick Crossword byby FFishfaceishface

1 2 3 4 5 Across Down 1. County in southern England (13) 1. Belgian detective (7,6) 8 6. Pile of waste (9) 2. Hair (3) 8. Vase (3) 3. Type of popular musician (6) 6 7 9. Grievance (5) 4. View (3) 11. Rowing implement (3) 5. Fun (13) 12. Continent (6) 6. Ailments (9) Send your answers to 8 9 10 11 13. Fleet (6) 7. Swear word (9) 15. Unit of resistance (3) 9. Appear suddenly (3-2) [email protected] or bring 16. Young dog (5) 10. Ahead of time (5) this page to the Felix office in 17. Charged particle (3) 14. Talking (6) the West Wing of Beit Quad 12 13 18. An officer who keeps records and takes 19. International standard country code for minutes (9) Central African Republic (3) Issue 1326 solution 16 14 18 21. The most popular song in a particular 20. Curved line (3) P A R T N E R I P A S T A week (3,2,3,5) R A O L O C E A E E C U V 15 16 17 O D D O N E O U T O A C E B I L B A E P E R P R C R E W I N G I E V I D E N T D S N P O S N R R N C E E I N S A N E G S A C R E D 18 19 20 N R O S R R A A C E O B R S Y M P T O M O T O W E R 24 T N N C O L E I R Y O L E O B I I W A N K E N O B E 21 R G A I E G D M S N R A D E X C E L I S I S T E R S