U.S. Postage Paid at Williamsburg, Va.

REVIEWS: Matt Damon takes a weird and wild romp through fairy tale land, page 11

SPORTS: VARIETY: Women’s soccer makes a pact They came, they saw, they with blue devils, page 13 threw sausage, page 7 SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 VOL.95, NO.28 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE COLLEGE OF WILLIAM AND MARY SINCE 1911 http://flathat.wm.edu College opens doors to students Old Campus dorms evacuated twice displaced by Hurricane Katrina during past week BY MICHAEL J. SCHOBEL “As a college visited not too how many students will ultimately Sadler said that the College has FLAT HAT NEWS EDITOR long ago by a like-minded storm,” seek assistance from the College, already identified 20 open spots, Nichol wrote in an e-mail to the but he predicts the Collegeʼs offer primarily in upperclassmen hous- Residents of Old Dominion sent to President Gene Nichol an- student body, “we empathize with will largely be answered by fresh- ing. Sadler said that if those spaces nounced yesterday that the Col- our fellows hit so hard by Katrina men and some sophomores and ju- prove insufficient, the College may Sunken Gardens after grenade scare lege will open its doors to qualified in Louisiana and Mississippi and niors. There are over 30 colleges in ask the Williamsburg community Virginia residents studying in the Alabama. We want to do some- the New Orleans metropolitan cen- to open its doors to students. Gulf states who were displaced by thing — anything — to help.” ter alone, Sadler said. According The stranded students will be Hurricane Katrina. In the evening, Any individuals taken in by the to Nicholʼs e-mail, the College has responsible for the Collegeʼs tu- Vice President for Student Affairs College will be enrolled as visiting already received over 30 calls from ition and fees, but ways of accom- Sam Sadler led a meeting to help non-degree-seeking students. At the students seeking information. modating those who qualify for student groups coordinate their re- student meeting last night, Sadler Despite the Collegeʼs housing See HURRICANE ✦ page 4 lief efforts. said that there is no way to know occupancy rate of 101 percent,

NEVER ARGUE WITH SOMEONE WHO THROWS SAUSAGES

CHRISTIAN AMONSON ✦ THE FLAT HAT Police and fire personnel rushed to Old Dominion Hall Tuesday night after a dummy grenade was found in a third-floor study lounge.

BY RACHEL COLLINS Sullivan, a resident of the dorm, THE FLAT HAT “a consistent and unpleasant tone” sounded at approximately 8:30 A dummy hand grenade was p.m. Sullivan added, however, found in an Old Dominion Hall that the noise was not especially study lounge Tuesday night, ac- loud and lasted for approximately cording to Director of University one minute. Few if any residents Relations Bill Walker. The en- left the building during this ini- tire building was evacuated for tial alarm. Shortly afterward the approximately two hours while fire alarm sounded and residents emergency personnel investigated quickly left the dorm. Residents the scene. See GRENADE ✦ page 3 According to senior Shawn

Sewage backup forces out Bryan Hall basement residents for hours

BY WILLIAM ANGLEY one inch before contractors ar- THE FLAT HAT rived in the afternoon to repair the plumbing. After repairs were This past Sunday, the basement made, it took until 6 p.m. for the of Bryan Hall flooded when drains area to be successfully disinfect- on both ends of the hall backed up. ed. The incident, which does not Several students noticed puddles of appear to be related to the renova- water around floor drains at about tions that took place in Bryan Hall 10 a.m. that morning, and the water over the summer, was caused by a KAYLA FELLER ✦ THE FLAT HAT levels continued to rise throughout blockage in the lateral sewer line Students watch in awe as basketball player senior Hawley Smith attempts to break the world record in pudding plunking this past Monday in the Sunken the day. See BRYAN ✦ page 4 Gardens. The sausage-hurling competition was filmed for the MTV show “Call to Greatness,” in which people try to break world records. The water level reached about College launches Nichol discusses his plans as president BY ERIN GRADY whose parents make $40,000 or less THE FLAT HAT per year. Gateway initiative Nichol said that the program is College President Gene Nichol essential to the Collegeʼs mission. BY BEN LOCHER been at the core of the mission of addressed the challenges he is fac- “It is important for public univer- FLAT HAT STAFF WRITER this university.” ing in his early presidency as well sities to be visibly open as training If the program were in place as his future vision for the Col- grounds for tomorrowʼs leaders,” A major new initiative an- today, approximately 300 cur- lege Wednesday. Nichol identified he said. “I think that the entire com- nounced by President Gene rent students would be quali- Gateway William & Mary, a new munity benefits from having a more Nichol last Friday will enable fied, though the program will “free tuition” initiative, as a major diverse population, and that includes low- and moderate-income ap- only apply to students enter- concern and also discussed future diversity as to economic resources plicants to attend the College ing next year. Current students fundraisers following Campaign and status.” without accumulating debt. who fall in the income bracket for William & Mary and the re- The estimated cost of the program Beginning next year, Gateway under $40,000 will have 100 cent controversy over the Collegeʼs is $4 million per year, beginning William & Mary will be avail- percent of their need met, “Tribe” nickname. with the class of 2010. According to able to all new freshman or though those packages may According to Nichol, Gateway Nichol, this figure assumes that the transfer students whose family still include loans. William & Mary is a program de- enrollment of students from the low income is $40,000 per year or Through this program, Nichol signed to allow low-income students income level will be double the cur- less. For such students, the pro- hopes to double the number of JONATHAN SEIDEN ✦ THE FLAT HAT to graduate from the College debt- rent level. The bulk of the funding is gram would meet 100 percent low income students on campus Nichol hopes to reaffirm the Collegeʼs commitment to affordable edu- free. Nichol has championed the See NICHOL ✦ page 3 of financial need with grants by 2012. Should the program cation with new fundraising projects after the Campaign for W&M. initiative, which benefits students and work-study but would not reaches that goal, it would cost burden them with loans that the College roughly $4 million would need to be repaid. per year. New Town development project moves ahead “This program is designed to “This is an ambitious pro- open the doors of opportunity for gram that is definitely not cheap,” BY CAITLIN WEBER rants and residential areas. types of businesses will seek space chantʼs Square is largely geared all segments of society,” Nichol Nichol said. “[Gateway] will be FLAT HAT STAFF WRITER According to New Town Asso- in New Town, Stettinius said. towards tourism,” Stettinius said. said. “It will assist students who funded by college, by private and ciates, LLC Director of Marketing According to the Aug. 19 on- “New Town should function as a could not otherwise afford at- hopefully by government fund- The New Town building devel- Joe Stettinius, work on the com- line edition of the Daily Press, downtown for the Williamsburg tending William and Mary.” ing. We will need to undertake opment on Monticello Road will plex began in 1997 and is sched- several corporate offices and community.” He added that there For a family of four, $40,000 substantial fundraising.” soon put the finishing touches on uled to be completed by 2017. banks recently decided to become is a large economic gap between is approximately twice the fed- For those who are enrolled, the first businesses opening there. This October, a 12-screen movie part of New Town, which the press the upper and lower classes in eral poverty level. The Gateway Gateway will not guarantee a The area is described on its web- theater will open along with sev- called a future “major financial Williamsburg and that New program, however, does not take free ride, as the Aug. 27 edition site, www.newtownwilliamsburg. eral restaurants and office build- hub of James City County.” The Townʼs planned residential area into account the size of a stu- of The Virginian-Pilot errone- com, as “a 365-acre mixed-use ings. report also lists two dermatology and affordable shopping “should dentʼs family. ously reported. The program ʻNew Urbanismʼ community,” Due to the long time frame of practices, a dentistʼs office, The fill out the dip in the graph.” The announcement of the will only match 100 percent and upon completion will in- the project, many of the planned Corner Pocket restaurant and a One part of catering to other Gateway program marks the first of a studentʼs financial need, clude a variety of shops, restau- shops and offices have not yet Quiznoʼs as some of the business- demographics in Williamsburg is major initiative by Nichol since as determined by the College been built; therefore company of- es that have already signed on. providing services for students at he assumed Timothy J. Sullivanʼs formula based on student-sub- ficials do not know exactly which “Williamsburg does not really the College. position as president of the Col- mitted data from the Free Ap- have a downtown because Mer- “Hopefully it will be a good lege in July. plication for Federal Student place to give students more options “I inherited this interest in Aid, known as FAFSA. For the See PROJECT ✦ page 4 improving public access [to the very lowest income students College] from President Sulli- this will mean a full ride, but van,” Nichol said. “This is not a for others the aid will cover a sea change in policy. The mission See GATEWAY ✦ page 4 of the program is and has always QUOTATION of the week What I look forward to is continued News INSIGHT immaturity followed by death. DAVE BARRY NEWS ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 2 “ WWW.QUOTATIONSPAGE.COM Inside this week’s issue Beyond the ’Burg ” ✦ NEWS IN BRIEF ✦ Ahn Trio opens this seasonʼs Lively Arts Series ✦ ASTRODOME TO HOUSE The Ahn Trio will perform Sept. 9 at 8 p.m. in Phi Beta Kappa 23,000 KATRINA VICTIMS Memorial Hall, marking the beginning of the Lively Arts Series sea-

ARIETY son. The trio is compiled of a violinist, Angella, and her sisters, twins Lucia and Maria, who play piano and cello, respectively. Recently V (U-WIRE) AUSTIN, Texas — Gov. Rick Perry has opened The Washington Post said that trio balances “unanimity and individ- Houstonʼs Reliant Astrodome to house the 23,000 victims of uality in a spirit that is at the heart of chamber music.” Hurricane Katrina currently staying in the New Orleans Super- Tickets are available on the Collegeʼs student activities The Muscarelle’s new exhibit on the works of Charles Burch- dome. Harris County offi cials agreed to turn the Astrodome into a website. fi eld abounds in color, texture and form. long-term shelter Wednesday. See EXHIBIT, page 7. “We are all in this together,” Perry said. … “We will continue to Physics Professor to hold lecture on Da Vinci do what it takes, from offering assistance to offering prayers, to get through this together as one American family.” Physics Professor Bulent Atalay from the University of Mary The Superdome is being evacuated due to storm damage and Washington will give a lecture entitled “Math and Mona Lisa: fl ooding in New Orleans. The fi rst of almost 500 buses left New The Art and Science of Leonardo da Vinci” today at 4 p.m. in Orleans Wednesday afternoon. Offi cials said the Astrodomeʼs Small Hall. Co-sponsored by the departments of physics and art schedule had already been cleared through December, enabling it to and art history, the lecture is free and open to the public. be used as a long-term shelter. EVIEWS Perry addressed the growing need for shelters, adding that his Junior Erin Morgan chosen by marine science lab R offi ce would continue pursuing locations and arrangements to aid storm victims. One of seven chosen from a nationwide pool of applicants, junior The city of Austin also has been busy organizing relief for Erin Morgan received an opportunity to study at the Dauphin Island Three freshmen sound off on three new albums. From hip- hurricane refugees. The American Red Cross opened a shelter in Sea Lab last summer. A biology and environmental science major, hop to emo, fi nd out what made the grade and what didn’t. Austin for evacuees seeking a place to stay indefi nitely. The Tony Morgan lived on Dauphin Island, which is on the Gulf of Mexico, for See INDIE, page 11. Burger Center, a special events and athletic facility on U.S. Highway three months, performing a research project entitled “Effects of live- bait shrimp trawling on widgeongrass (Ruppia maritima) bed sand by 290 has been converted into a long-term shelter. Red Cross offi cials catch in the Grand Bay National Estuarine Research Reserve.” said most of the evacuees sought help after personal funds ran too “Participating in an internship at the Dauphin Island Sea Lab will low to keep them in a hotel for an extended period of time. defi nitely let you know if this is what you want to do all your life,” Red Cross and Harris County offi cials could not be reached for Erin said. “It will help you fi gure out what type of research you may personal comment because of the emergency evacuation, according be interested in, and you get to see what the scientifi c community is to messages left by the agencies. like.”

PINIONS Texas is also planning to send gasoline to Florida. The state requested a two-week supply due to a pipeline disruption caused by

O Katrina. Perry said the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality Race car wearing Collegeʼs name visited campus will “exercise enforcement discretion” to allow fuel from Port Arthur Tagged with the Collegeʼs name and colors, the #94 Beahr Rac- No, there’s nothing wrong with the phones. Unless you to be transported to Florida. ing Teamʼs Busch Series car is slated to appear at the Campus Center want college students taking your pizza orders, follow a Perry added that the crisis will be particularly hard on children today. Driver Joe Gilley, graphic design manager at the College, is at- senior’s simple dialing instructions. who have had to leave schools and daily routines. Under federal law, tempting to qualify for a race at the Richmond International Raceway these children are entitled to enroll in the school district where they Sept. 9, and it is wearing the Collegeʼs name to raise money for the See CHANELLOʼS, page 5. will temporarily reside. … Employee Assistance Fund. — By Kimberly Garza, Daily Texan (U. Texas) — compiled by austin wright — compiled by austin wright

Friday Saturday Sunday RTS O

P WEEKEND S WEATHER High 93 High 90 High 86 Running can be fun ... and crazy. Read two views on this Low 68 Low 65 Low 65 popular athletic pastime. See TEAM BLITZ, page 14. Source: www.weather.com

Tuesday, August 23 — A vehicle was reportedly vandalized in the Mor- ton Hall lot, causing an estimated $200 worth of damage. 1 LINE — A wallet was reportedly stolen at the N Ludwell Apartment Complex. The esti- mated loss was $500. 2 O 4 7 — A purse was reportedly stolen in Dupont Hall. The estimated loss for the purse and its contents was $225. 3 Visit The Flat Hat’s website for valuable information about 3 — A cell phone and charger were how to start advertising or how to join our staff. New adver- reportedly stolen in Fauquier Hall. The tisers and staff members are always welcome. estimated value was $80. 4 See http://fl athat.wm.edu/ Wednesday, August 24 — A wallet was reportedly stolen at Swem Library. 5 5 The estimated loss was $540. 8 Friday, August 26 — $300 dollars in cash was reportedly stolen at Bryan OPINIONS, PAGE 5 ✦ VARIETY, PAGE 7 ✦ BRIEFS, PAGE 10 1 Hall. 6 EVIEWS PAGE ✦ PORTS PAGE R , 11 S , 13 Saturday, August 27 — A student 6 was charged with underage possession of alcohol in the Botetourt area. 7 — A club car was reportedly stolen 2 from Zable Stadium. The estimated val- ue was $2,100. 8 Sunday, August 28 — A bicycle OLICE was reportedly stolen at Taliaferro Hall. P The estimated value was $100. 9 ʻStabilitas et Fidesʼ Monday, August 29 — A vehicle re- 25 Campus Center, The College of William and Mary, Williamsburg, Va. 23185 BEAT 9 portedly left the scene after an alleged Editorial Dept. (757) 221-3281 ✦ Advertising Dept. (757) 221-3283 ✦ Fax (757) 221-3242 accident at the Facilities Management The Flat Hat — fl [email protected] ✦ Managing — [email protected] ✦ Executive — [email protected] News — [email protected] ✦ Variety — [email protected] ✦ Sports — [email protected] 10 building. The estimated damages to the Reviews — [email protected] ✦ Opinions — [email protected] ✦ Briefs — [email protected] other vehicle was $300. 10 Calendar — [email protected] ✦ Advertising — [email protected] — compiled by jeff dooley Stephen Carley, Editor-in-Chief Whitney Winn, Managing Editor ✦ Virginia Paulus, Executive Editor Demetria Penix, Business Manager ✦ Daniel Grady, Accountant ✦ Michael J. Schobel, News Editor ✦ Louis Malick, Asst. Sports Editor STREET BEAT : ✦ Alejandro Salinas, Variety Editor ✦ Allie Veinote, Asst. Photography Editor ✦ Christopher Adams, Sports Editor ✦ Ashley Baird, Margaret Hoffecker, ✦ Kyle Meikle, Will Milton, Reviews Copy Chiefs How did you spend your fi rst weekend of the school year? Editors ✦ Danielle Espino, Online Editor ✦ Natalie Ronollo, Opinions Editor ✦ Nate Burgess, Graphics Editor ✦ Lauren Bryant, Photography Editor ✦ Nate Loehrke, Graphics Editor, Sex ✦ Joshua Pinkerton, Andy Zahn, Asst. Column Cartoonist News Editors ✦ Justin White, Editorial Cartoonist ✦ Max Fisher, Asst. Variety Editor ✦ Austin Wright, Production Assistant

Letters to the Editor and Opinions columns are due at 5 p.m. Tuesday for publication the following Friday. All submissions must be typed and double-spaced, and must include the authorʼs name, telephone number and any relevant titles or affi liations with campus or national groups. Letters should be no more than 300 words, columns should be no more than 700 words. Letters must be e-mailed to [email protected]. The Flat Hat reserves the right to edit all material. Because of space limitations, The Flat Hat may not publish all submissions. The Flat Hat Editorial Board meets weekly to discuss the position taken by editorials. Unsigned editori- als are written by the Editor or a designated member of the Editorial Board. All Board editorials refl ect the I don’t remember. I went to Screen on the Green and to Unfortunately, I had to work. But I slept in, went to Target, saw consensus of the Editorial Board. Letters, columns, graphics and cartoons refl ect the view of the author choir dinner. I still had a party at my house on Screen on the Green and did the only. Saturday. That was fun. little homework I had. The Flat Hat wishes to correct any facts printed incorrectly. Corrections may be submitted by e-mail to ✦ ✦ ✦ ✦ the section editor in which the incorrect information was printed. Requests for corrections will be accepted Paul Smith, senior Jenny Gummesson, freshman Ryan McEntee, senior Kaity Smoot, freshman at any time. — photos and interviews by lizzy spencer NEWS ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 3 Senate, Undergraduate Council hold Virginia21 tells first sessions of new school year General Assembly to pay college debt

BY JENNA ECKARDT THE FLAT HAT

The lobbying group Virginia21 is calling on the General Assembly to settle a debt of $387 million owed to Virginia college students and families. The campaign, begun Aug. 28, is just one part of a three-year effort to secure complete funding for higher education in Virginia. The bill takes into account under-funding as well as financial aid and provi- sions for new students. Virginia21 describes itself as a non-partisan lobbying group made up of 18- to 24-year olds concerned with issues involving education, the economy and responsible government. At the moment, their efforts are focused on keeping higher education affordable, an issue receiving increasing attention as the cost of tuition in Virginia has risen on aver- age 9 percent in the past year alone. The student steering committee of Virginia21 is led by the student body presidents of all of Virginiaʼs public colleges. According to the State Council on Higher Education, the GA does not meet its own standard for funding higher education by more than $387 million. “Itʼs time for the General Assembly to pay their debt to Virginiaʼs families,” Sumeet Bagai, student body president of Virginia Tech and chairman of the student steering committee said. “The longer this debt goes unpaid, the higher tuition will rise. Virginia can not afford to let this debt increase any longer.” LAUREN BRYANT ✦ THE FLAT HAT At an Aug. 28 meeting, the lobbying group approved a bill, copies Class of 2008 President Nick Faulkner, Class of 2007 President Jess Vance and Class of 2006 Vice President for Advocacy Stephanie Casler of which young voters have begun to send to their GA representatives. discussed the Student Assembly book sale, recycling and homecoming at Tuesdayʼs Undergraduate Council meeting in Blow Hall. The bill is comprised of three parts: first, the GA owes $300 million because of previous funding cuts. Second, $23 million is necessary to fund the commonwealthʼs commitment of meeting half of all studentsʼ Undergraduate Council report says Bill to create new at-large senate seat need. Third, Virginia colleges need $63 million to provide for an in- crease of 15,000 new students who will enter the system by 2008. SA book sale raised $20,000 aimed at transfer students defeated Although the next session of the GA will not begin until January, members have already started to work on the budget. This particular BY ANNE FLATIN of rain, the concert will be held in BY MEERA FICKLING the bill early enough for students campaign was timed to coincide with elections and is aimed at raising THE FLAT HAT Phi Beta Kappa Memorial Hall, and THE FLAT HAT to run was not feasible and would awareness and activism among young voters. tickets sales will be limited to 770. preclude discussion that he felt “As General Assembly members campaign for re-election this fall, The Undergraduate Council The Class of 2007 also discussed The Student Assembly Sen- should take place before a vote. we want to make sure they know that thousands of Virginia families met Tuesday in the Board of Visi- their plan to extend recycling to ate debated a bill to create a new “Would your senate [at James care about funding for higher education to keep tuition low,” David tors room in Blow Memorial Hall the Ludwell Apartments at some at-large senate position and con- Madison University] pass this bill Solimini, ʼ04, communications director for Virginia21, said. “The best to present updates by the classes of point this year. At present, they are sidered the applications of four in 45 minutes?” Phillips asked way a student can send this message is to make sure they vote in No- 2006, 2007 and 2008. also considering planting trees near students for SA positions at Tues- Reynolds. vember.” The Class of 2008, which over- Barksdale Field. dayʼs meeting. “Actually, our senate was pret- Virginia21 was officially founded by students from the College saw the Student Assemblyʼs recent In addition, representatives from Transfer student junior Colin ty incredible,” Reynolds respond- in May 2003, but has origins in an earlier group begun in 2002. used books sale, reported the sale of the Class of 2007 discussed their Reynolds spoke to the senate in ed. “We made things happen.” It considers itself the nationʼs first generational advocate for the 2,000 used books and raised $20,000 plan to erect memorials to the two favor of the Amendment to End The bill eventually failed 4-4- interests of young people. At the moment, more than 22,000 young for students. The class plans on host- members of their class who took Disenfranchisement of Students at 7. people across Virginia are members, 1,400 of whom attend the ing a book return sale next week. their lives last year. the College, which would estab- The senate confirmed Presi- College. Additionally, the Class of 2008 The representatives from the lish the at-large senate position. dent of the Class of 2007 junior In the past, Virginia21 has been involved in ensuring a fair- is in the process of arranging a trip Class of 2006 completed the reports Reynolds pointed out that almost Jess Vance and junior Sen. Greg er textbook market and most recently graded General Assembly to the Virginia Military Institute for by briefing the Council on two of 200 transfer students arriving at Teich as chairs of the First-Year members on the quality of their support for issues concerning the football game Sept. 10. Buses their projects, the Green and Gold the College each fall could not Council, which helps freshmen young people. are scheduled to leave the College at and the Senior Class Gift. The Se- be represented through the elec- who have not been elected for po- 7:30 a.m. and return at 7:30 p.m. A nior Class Gift Kickoff will begin tion process until the next spring sitions become involved in the SA $10 fee will cover both bus fare and this month. and proposed that a 17th senator Reviving a long-standing debate tickets. After the class reports, Student be elected at the same time as the about a lack of diversity within the New investigative The Class of 2008 has also ar- Assembly Vice President junior freshmen, giving transfer students SA, junior Sen. Sean Barker asked ranged a day trip to Go-Karts Plus Amanda Norris urged the Council an immediate opportunity to be Teich what he would do to draw Sept. 17 from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. They to encourage recycling around the represented in student govern- more minorities to the council. publication debuts will sell wristbands to the first 500 College. ment. “Iʼm not about to elect people students for a discounted rate of $5. “If we can prove to President “[Transfer students] are pas- who are going to maintain the sta- BY AUSTIN WRIGHT posito suggested the idea for a col- Williamsburg Area Transport will Nichol that people are recycling, the sionate about William and Mary tus quo,” Teich said. THE FLAT HAT lege newspaper that expands beyond provide transportation to the event. school will pay for it,” Norris said. the same way immigrants to the Teich responded that recruit- just one campus. He got the idea The representatives from the She said that if students donʼt United States are very patriotic,” ment was outside the councilʼs The Virginia Informer released from the college magazine The Busi- Class of 2007 discussed the planning use the new recycling dumpsters, Senate Chair senior Luther Lowe mission, although he added, “if you its first issue Aug. 23. Pictures of the ness Times, a Princeton University of the Pat McGee Concert to be held the College will cease to support the added, who is the sponsor of the want me to break the mold in re- fire damage from the inside of Pres- publication that includes articles by Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Lake program. bill and a transfer student. cruitment, itʼs not a big deal — it ton Hall and an exclusive interview students across the country. Matoaka Amphitheatre. The Class of Junior Sen. Greg Teich asked the The bill was heavily debated can be done.” with AOL Instant Messenger screen This year the staff said they are 2007 and the University Center Ac- Undergraduate Council to support due to its time-sensitive nature. Teich also promised to energize name TribeTonight were featured in seeking name recognition for The tivities Board hope to sell 2,000 tick- his bill in the SA for senators to keep Lowe said that the amendment the council, making it more enjoy- the first edition. The Informerʼs edi- Informer among students of the Col- ets for the concert at the UCAB Box office hours so that the SA office needed to be passed immediately able for students and involving the tors say they plan to be more inves- lege, but in the years to come they Office and at tables in the University is always staffed by a senator. [See to allow candidates time to run for freshmen sooner in the actual work- tigative than other campus newspa- said they hope it will be known Center. Tickets will also be available Senate, this page.] the position this fall, while other ings of the SA. pers. throughout Virginia. Eventually, The at the amphitheatre the day of the The Undergraduate Council di- senators, including sophomore Released monthly, The Informer Informer may contain articles from See SENATE ✦ page 4 event starting at 4 p.m. In the event vided into committees at the end of Brett Phillips, argued that passing will compete with other campus pub- students at other campuses, although lications covering breaking news. So it will continue to focus on local is- In addition to the monetary concerns of his that articles can be posted as events sues. NICHOL presidency, Nichol recently had to contend with GRENADE occur, The Informer will update its It is rumored that The Informer FROM PAGE 1 the NCAA, which asked the College, in addition FROM PAGE 1 website more frequently. has a conservative slant. Yasenchak, to other universities across the United States, to Assistant Editor-in-Chief sopho- Luppino-Esposito and Tanious, all expected to come from private donations, as well evaluate the use of possibly offensive nicknames initially gathered close to the dorm as the alarm more Joe Luppino-Esposito said he members of the College Republi- as state and federal aid. for their athletic programs. The “Tribe” has been continued to sound, but authorities soon ordered takes pride in the fact that The In- cans, dispute the rumor, arguing that Only in-state students can benefit from the identified by the NCAA as offensive to Native all residents to move to the Sunken Gardens. The former receives no funding from the there may be conservative articles on Gateway program, though Nichol said that the American populations. residents waited while personnel surveyed the College. According to The Inform- the opinions page because opinions program is part of a “broader effort for increased Nichol said that he has been speaking with building for hazards. Residents were not allowed erʼs business manager sophomore are from the writerʼs perspective, but financial aid across the board for all students,” students, faculty and members of the community to return to the building until 10:30 p.m. Later Sharriff Tanious, a large portion of overall the paper achieves balance. including out-of-state students or those who fall to address the issue of the Collegeʼs nickname. that night, the residents were called outside at 1 the Student Assembly budget goes “We are focusing on issues that above the income level specified to qualify for the Overwhelmingly, Nichol said, there is a great a.m. for a fire drill. to student publications. Luppino-Es- arenʼt heard whether theyʼre con- program. deal of support for the use of the “Tribe” as the A dummy hand grenade resembles an actual posito said he believes that without servative, liberal or anything else,” “We want the doors to be open to all those Collegeʼs nickname. hand grenade; however, it does not have a fuse school funding, The Informer has Yasenchak said. who have the skill and the determination and the “[The nickname is meant] in an inclusive and or powder and therefore cannot detonate. Despite more freedom to print controversial In a feature article about rock will,” Nichol said. “We never want those doors to pride-generating way,” Nichol said. “People in the fact that the grenade was not dangerous, pre- articles. band 3 Doors Downʼs Aug. 31 con- be closed or to appear closed because you might the community use the term as a badge of honor cautions were taken that caused inconvenience “We understand we will probably cert in Roanoke, Yasenchak began by not have the economic resources.” and to show their commitment to one another and among dorm residents and College officials. be the underdog for a long time,” criticizing other rock bands for using Nichol also addressed the Campaign for Wil- to the College.” Beyond inconveniencing residents, the incident Luppino-Esposito said. “Itʼs hard to their authority to “lecture the world liam & Mary, the most ambitious fund-raising The College will cooperate with the NCAA was an expensive false alarm for the Williamsburg compete with funded, established on foreign and domestic policy.” campaign the College has ever undertaken. To and file a report regarding the nickname sometime Fire Department, causing College officials to ex- papers.” Yasenchak said that 3 Doors Down date, the Campaign has raised over $400 mil- in November. Nichol said he expects the NCAA press concern that the incident reflected poorly The Informer supports itself is a “breath of fresh air” because it lion toward its $500 million goal. A substantial to seriously consider the report before making on the Collegeʼs image in the community. Walker through donations and advertise- does not use its “captive audience as amount of the money has been pledged to under- any judgments regarding the “Tribe” nickname. reiterated Sadlerʼs message that this was a “very ments. The Class of 2008, WCWM a test group for liberal or anti-Ameri- graduate support, as well as faculty support and Aside from dealing with important issues unwise” device to bring on campus and asked that Radio, The Accidentals, Students can theories.” building projects and expansion. The money is concerning the Collegeʼs future, Nichol said he members of the community use better judgment for Life, Residence Life and Baskin- Yasenchak said that The Informer being raised from private donations. hopes to connect with the student body and keep in the future. The incident is still under investiga- Robbins are current advertisers. plans to cover the Student Assembly Nichol anticipates beginning other campaigns in touch with its changing opinions. Nichol said tion and the College will not release any details The first issue included news, more closely than other campus pa- in the future, but he added that this campaign he intends to use student media to stay in touch on who might be responsible. features and opinion sections; fu- pers do. must be completed before speculation about fu- with the student body, as well as to immerse him- Some residents expressed disappointment ture issues will also contain a variety “The Student Assembly has half ture fund-raising can begin. He said that the Col- self in activities on campus. with the Collegeʼs communication following the section. The Informer prints in New a million dollars of our money and legeʼs list of needs is long and that there will be “Iʼm going to be the guy in the Caf and the UC incident. According to senior Katie Wallmeyer, Jersey using the School Publishing a lot of the stuff they do goes unre- no lack of places for the money to be spent. who asks to sit and have a cup of coffee with the a resident of the dorm, she was not informed Corporation, an online publishing ported,” Yasenchak said. “Fortunately, there is a whole community of students. Iʼm going to be meeting with student of the reason for the alarm until the rest of the company that prints overnight. Lupinno-Esposito and Tanious alumni who love William and Mary and want organizations and student leaders,” Nichol said. campus was notified late Wednesday morning. Editor-in-Chief Amanda Yas- are senators for the class of 2008. to give back to the campus community,” Nichol “People will be seeing a lot of me, and I look for- Wallmeyer and her roommate were concerned enchak and Luppino-Esposito came The second issue will be released said. ward to that.” that the incident was much more serious. together last year when Luppino-Es- in late September or early October. 4 NEWS ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 Under the World Beat: Uganda M C R S C O P Rebels battle for control BY ALEX ELY Ugandan Ministry of Health the LRA continued its rebellion in ✦ RESEARCHERS DISCOVER LINK BETWEEN BACTERIA AND OBESITY THE FLAT HAT provided details on the effects of the north and west. While the rebels the resistance in the northern Acholi control no land of their own, guerrilla BY BECKY EASLEY found that the bacteria-free mice produced the sugar Rebel forces in northern region of Uganda. attacks, primarily against civilians, FLAT HAT SCIENCE COLUMNIST initially, but after a while the sugar was no longer Uganda killed seven civilians in a “[A] total excess mortality have made it nearly impossible to detectable in the mice. When Bry mutated the bacte- roadside ambush the night of Aug. of 28,283 of which 11,068 [are] crush the rebellion, particularly The fear of obesity is becoming an obsession ria so that it could not eat fucose and then introduced 25, intensifying violence in the war- children under fi ve, can be projected when rebel forces move and operate in the United States. The search for new weight loss it to the sterile mice, she found that fucose was not ravaged region. The Associated Press for the entire Acholi region between in small groups, The Post reported. remedies cuts across demographics and even young produced. reported Aug. 25 that, according to January and July 2005, namely about The LRA also operates in areas adults with high metabolisms are told to watch what Gordon and his fellow researchers have found Morris Ogenga Latigo, a parliament 1,000 excess deaths per week,” the of southern Sudan, and negotiations they eat. Fear of the “freshman 15” drives many that Bacteroides affects an enzyme that controls fat member representing the region report stated. between the rebels and both college students to take up running and to cut down storage. This enzyme is called fasting-induced adi- around Kalongo where the attacks In addition to violence countries’ administrations have done on calories that they used to burn off during varsity pocyte factor, or FIAF, and it is produced in the gut took place, three children and four connected with the insurgency, a little to stop the bloodshed. sports in high school. New research from professors lining, liver and fat-cells, according to the Nov. 2004 men were killed. The Ugandan army leading cause of death is disease, According to an Aug. 26 at the Washington University School of Medicine issue of Science Now. This enzyme lowers fat in the responded shortly after the attacks by particularly malaria and AIDS. report from the Kenya Broadcasting in St. Louis suggests that weight gain might have a body. Bacteroide seems to interfere with FIAF a pro- killing three rebels, all of whom were Museveni became president in Company, Sudan’s new southern source other than genetics, diet or lifestyle. duction, inhibiting the bodyʼs ability to burn off fat. members of the Lord’s Resistance 1986, restoring order to a country leader Salva Kiir Mayardit issued an According to Dr. Jeffrey Gordon, the professor This research holds promise for designing medi- leading the research along with Dr. Fredric Backhed, cations to help combat obesity. According to Discover SITUATION: bacteria that live in the human gut may be to blame Magazine, Gordon plans on researching drug options For many years, Uganda has been a country plagued with strife due to conflicts between the govern- for weight gain in some humans. Gordonʼs research involving FIAF rather than the bacteria. Gordon said ment and more conservative rebel factions. Recently, a string of attacks on civilians, as well as disease website demonstrates how bacteria in the human he chose to work with the enzyme rather than the and death in many regions of Uganda, has challenged Ugandaʼs pro-Western government to act. Yoweri body, which outnumber human body cells by a factor bacteria because it would not be safe to try to elimi- Museveni, the president of Uganda, came in to power in 1986 and has led a series of reforms including of 10, can have an impact on the digestive system. nate bacteria from the digestive system. According to a decentralization of the media. During Musevniʼs time in office, the Ugandan economy has expanded Furthermore, the number of genes that a microbe has a Howard Hughes Medical Institutionʼs website, bac- and inflation has remained low. The Lordʼs Resistance Army, the rebel faction fighting the government, is approximately 100 times that of a humanʼs. teria plays an important role in the digestive system. intends to replace Ugandaʼs constitution with the Ten Commandments. Gordon and Backhedʼs research group at the Bacteria in the gut can digest certain foods, such as Washington University School of Medicine used plant starches, that humans cannot naturally process. mice to study the role that bacteria play in obesity. Bacteria also help protect the body from cancer by Army, an organization dedicated that, according to the July 12 online ultimatum to the LRA that they must The study involved two groups of mice, one that ridding it of carcinogens and by renewing cells in the to the removal of current Ugandan edition of BBC News, had become reach a peace agreement with the lived in normal conditions and was exposed to bac- lining of the gut to prevent cancer. President Yoweri Museveni. infamous for human rights violations Sudanese government or leave their teria, and another that was kept in completely sterile The LRA is also committed to under the military dictatorships of Idi bases in southern Sudan. conditions for many generations so as not have the the replacement of the country’s Amin and Milton Obote throughout According to the Kenya bacterium, Bacteroides thetaiotaomicron, in its gut. constitution with the Bible’s Ten the 1970s and early 80s. The BBC Broadcasting Company, “[the] Bacteroides is an intestinal microbe common in Commandments, the Aug. 27 edition reports in its country profi le of Sudanese fi rst vice president said that human and mice. The results indicated that the mice of Washingtonpost.com reported. Uganda that in the time before actions would be taken against LRA without bacteria had 42 percent less fat despite the The effects of the ongoing Museveni, as many as half a million if it does not heed the warning.” The fact that they were fed one-third more calories than rebellion in the northern and western people were killed in state-sponsored LRA’s leaders have not announced the mice in normal conditions. The current online regions are felt by all inhabitants, violence. their demands, nor have they been edition of Discover Magazine reported that Gordon particularly children. According Museveni has become very accessible for negotiations. and Backhedʼs work and also showed that when the to the United Nation’s Offi ce for popular with most Western leaders AllAfrica.com reported Aug. 22 bacteria-free mice were exposed to Bacteroides, their the Coordination of Humanitarian due to his democratic reforms and that as a result of combined efforts body weight increased by 57 percent. Affairs, 1,000 displaced civilians die economic policies, which have led to by Great Britain, the Netherlands, In 1997, Gordon worked with graduate student every week, mostly from violence consistent annual growth in Uganda Norway and the United States, Lynn Bry who also demonstrated that Bacteroides and disease. National Public Radio and a decrease in infl ation rates, the radio messages were broadcast affects weight gain in mice. Bry studied only the reported April 24 that “in the long BBC News reported. throughout the region urging rebel bacteria, as opposed to enzymes and hormones that rebel war in Uganda, 20,000 children Additionally, Museveni began forces to resume peace negotiations. are involved in digestion. Bacteroides uses a nutri- have been abducted. Boys are forced to loosen his regime’s control of Mediators said they are disappointed

ent called fucose; when Bacteroides is present, Bry COURTESY PHOTO ✦ DEPARTMENT OF CHEMISTRY to join the resistance army; girls the media in 1993, which led to a by the lack of response from the found that the amount of fucose increases, which can An electron microscope reveals an intestinal become sex slaves to the older rapid increase in the number and LRA, and it remains to be seen when eventually result in weight gain. Furthermore, Bry bacterium that may be linked to obesity. soldiers.” variety of available media sources and if a peaceful resolution will be An August report by the for Uganda’s citizens. However, reached. Provost Geoffrey Feiss said that PROJECT GATEWAY a panel is currently being organized FROM PAGE 1 FROM PAGE 1 that will implement the program and to help make the transition better for signifi cant chunk of tuition, fees low-income students. with their social lives,” Stettinius said. He mentioned that their company and room and board. “We are trying to put together researched the shopping and entertainment needs of college students and The College will be partner- groups of student-aid personnel, will consider this along with the needs of Williamsburg residents when ing with the University of Virginia, academic advisors and students who selecting businesses. To help make the complex accessible to students, which operates a similar program have already made the transition,” he added, they will add a bus stop on the regular Williamsburg Area called AccessUVa. Feiss said. “We donʼt want there to Transport route. “We will be joining hands with be any unnecessary obstacles for “The New Town concept [is] a venue that can provide more off-cam- UVa.,” Nichol said. “They will help these students.” pus activities for students, faculty and staff,” Vice President for Finance us hone our efforts and work on Nichol feels that the overall pro- Sam Jones said. fundraising.” gram will substantially benefi t the Along with the increased selection of places to shop, eat and relax, In addition to the main compo- College. the New Town development may provide other benefi ts to students at nent, the Gateway program will “Weʼre doing this because we the College. include two other pieces. First, believe itʼs right at the core of the “As new companies come to the area, their location in New Town fi nancial aid will increase across mission of a public university, and might also provide expanded research and job opportunities for students the board. Second, an outreach thatʼs especially true for a great and graduates,” Jones added. program will be designed to get public university,” Nichol said. The New Town website advertises the benefi ts of its close proxim- information out to high schools. “When you have a gem the nature ity to the College by describing the 64-acre Discovery Business Park “We will be running an ag- of William and Mary, itʼs impor- as “perfect for linking new and existing businesses with the students, gressive outreach campaign,” tant that there are pathways open. faculty and research and development power of the College of William Nichol said. “We will be turning Everyone who has the will to do and Mary.” to alumni, to the student body and the work should not be excluded Stettinius also said he thinks that the project will create new business. the K-12 leaders to get the mes- based on race, resources or gen- “The businesses in New Town will be able to provide a large number of sage out.” der.” ALLIE VEINOTE ✦ THE FLAT HAT job and internship opportunities to both students and graduates,” he said. Residents of Bryan basement were told to put towels in front of their Funding for the project comes from the C.C. Casey Limited Com- URRICANE doors to prevent sewage water from leaking into their rooms. pany and the Collegeʼs Endowment Association, with each investing 50 H percent in New Town. The Endowment Association is a private founda- FROM PAGE 1 RYAN pets and a textbook. tion supporting the College and, according to Jones, has the develop- B “I mopped up a big bucket of ment as just one of its many investments. fi nancial aid is being discussed as well. FROM PAGE 1 water from our room [after it started “The Endowment Associationʼs investment is not purely for fi nan- “We are going to provide the maximum fi nancial fl exibility to these stu- fl ooding],” Harper said. cial reasons,” Stettinius said. “Their primary interest is in creating a dents and their parents,” Nichol said, according to University Relations. that connects Bryan Hall to the Because it was a non-business development where businesses will fi t synergistically with the faculty, “While the visiting students will be responsible for tuition, we are hop- Williamsburg sewer system. day, fewer College staff were on graduates and students of William and Mary.” ing to work with the commonwealth to develop a system-wide approach to Sophomores Lesley Boswell duty. Before plumbers could inspect provide funding for storm victims.” and Leah Schrier were among the sewer, The Campus Police had to court of the SA, which resolves Sadler was joined by local representatives of the American Red Cross the fi rst residents to notice the summon a tow truck and have a car SENATE disputes over the constitutionality Alyssa Holt and Jim Goltry. The College has a long history with the Red problem. They observed a small that was parked over the manhole FROM PAGE 3 of assembly actions and decides Cross, having established the fi rst college partnership with the organization in puddle on the bathroom fl oor. that accesses Bryan Hallʼs lateral election disputes. Senate members the United States in 1954. Goltry said that the most important thing students Since the Bryan basement RA was sewer line moved. SA President junior Ryan Sco- said that her status as a law stu- could do to help the tens of thousands in Red Cross shelters is to raise funds. away for the weekend, they got in “This sort of stuff happens some- fi eld strongly endorsed both can- dent makes her especially quali- “Money is the quickest way that we can get assistance,” he said. Along touch with the third fl oor RA, se- times,” Dave Shepard of facilities didates, calling Vance “a very fi ed for the position. Junior James with providing immediate relief, “it helps them get their economy back nior Brian Indovina, who helped management said. “We donʼt look energetic person” and Teich “the Ambrose was also confi rmed booming.” them contact the necessary per- forward to it happening. Weʼre go- best person for the job.” unanimously as a liaison between At the end of last nightʼs meeting, second-year law student Elizabeth sonnel. The Campus Police and ing to do our best to respond as fast Before unanimously confi rm- the SA Department of Public Af- McElroy, who lives in the New Orleans area and said her apartment was the Williamsburg Fire Department as we can, limit the damage and take ing sophomore Adam Boltik to the fairs and the Collegeʼs Board of destroyed, thanked the students for all of their support. responded. care of the problem.” elections commission, the senate Visitors. He will work with senior “I think these efforts are really touching,” she said. According to sophomores Jes- The renovations that took place questioned him about his views Allison Biggs to keep the Board Ashley Kang also contributed to this story. sica Burridge and Jessica Snead, in Bryan Hall over the summer on negative campaigning and his informed of major student activi- they were woken up by the offen- did not modify any of the drain opinion of a controversial cam- ties. sive smell. The two roommates lines. Gilbert Stewart of facilities paign advertisement approved last “Iʼm really happy that they all shoved towels and clothing under management, who oversaw the year that played on the “f-word.” went through and that, fi nally, all Investigate for The Flat Hat. their bedroom door to stop the wa- renovation efforts, explained that, Boltik responded that attacks on the positions were fi lled with over- ter from getting in, which prevent- although the sinks were changed, other candidates were against the whelming support,” Scofi eld said ed their belongings from becoming the original plumbing could not be rules, but added that pointing out after the confi rmation process. News writers meetings are Sundays wet. changed because it is encased in issues with the current administra- The senate also passed a num- According to sophomore Arielle solid concrete. Bryan Hall dates tion should not be a problem. ber of administrative bills re- at 5:30 p.m. in the Campus Center Everett and junior Gianne Harper, back to 1953. Second-year law student Vic- structuring the committee system, who live on the other side of the hall, Residence Life had clothing and toria Sarfo-Kantanka was con- clarifying the voting process and basement water got into their room despite carpets that were damaged by the in- fi rmed unanimously for a position mandating at least one offi ce hour their best efforts and damaged car- cident cleaned. on the review board, the supreme per week. September 2, 2005 Page 5 [email protected] OPINIONS STAFF EDITORIAL Do more with less waste

During the past week President Gene Nichol announced two new initiatives to help out stu- dents in financial distress. The first, in response to the continuing problem of poverty in the com- monwealth, is known as “Gateway William & Mary” and will provide debt-free education for new Virginia undergraduates whose combined family income is less than $40,000 per annum. The second, an impromptu initiative to assist native Virginia students affected by hurricane Katrina at their Gulf coast schools, will permit those students to transfer temporarily to the College so that their education can continue uninterrupted. While the editors of this newspaper certainly support President Nichol in his endeavors, we feel compelled to remind him and the rest of the administration that the College faces many finan- cial difficulties that also need attention. We have no doubt that the president has many items on his agenda, but from our vantage point, there has been and continues to be a serious mis-alloca- tion of resources that is paralyzing efforts to make the College a better school. Foremost, we are concerned that resources, already stretched thin due to funding shortages, are being ear-marked for unnecessary construction and infrastructure upgrades. Despite the recent announcement of a faculty salary increase, more funds can and must be allocated to the follow- ing areas: campus safety upgrades (think Preston Hall fire), research opportunities, recycling and other eco-friendly programs, faculty compensation and financial assistance. As we reported two weeks ago, however, the College is continuing a massive set of construc- tion projects, including a new, $11.5 million remodeled Caf, an unnecessary and costly update Congress and commonwealth to the Rec Center, a travesty of a building on the field formerly known as Barksdale and, among other silly things, bigger monitors in some of the computer labs. Thank God for that; students might have gone blind if they still had to look at 17-inch flat screens. must take action on fire safety Any number of examples of inefficient spending can be found all over campus, none of which ever seem to diminish, even when the College faces significant budget shortfalls. Waste, it seems, Walking around campus this week, it was dif- Representatives Maloney (D-NY) and Holt (D-NJ) operates independently of our financial standing. Whatever its cause, the College would be far ficult to find a bare space that did not have a introduced the Fire Safe Dorm Act that would better prepared to tackle truly vital programs if it werenʼt constantly concerned with how many Newsweek poster plastered to it. College admin- have mandated the installation of fire sprinklers millions of dollars to spend in boondoggles like upgrading our amphitheatre. Somehow, we think istrators are rightfully proud of this accomplish- in dorms across the country. However, the bill has itʼs likely that we could be a top-tier academic institution without a state-of-the-art lake-side ment, although some of us stalled in committee, according to Lexis-Nexis. amphitheatre. wish they had chosen a more While there is new legislation pending that would No doubt individuals who face perilous circumstances, financial or otherwise, through no tactful color than neon yel- grant $100 million to colleges to update dorms, fault of their own deserve our assistance. It is right that one extend a hand to a neighbor when he low. However, as news of the nothing has been passed as of yet. The result of is in distress. The two initiatives currently spearheaded by our president are honorable attempts Collegeʼs “hotness” has spread, this can and will be measured in more destruction at such appropriate generosity, but how much more could we do if we cut back on unnecessary so has the proliferation of the of property and possibly lives. luxuries? How many more destitute students could we assist if we admitted that our computer ironic jokes about Preston Virginia, demonstrating surprising foresight, screens are big enough? Hall. This caused a number of has had a law in place requiring the installation of us freshmen to look around our sprinklers in all new dorms for several years. While The College constantly tells us that we have far less financial resources than comparatively- dorm rooms nervously, seeking this is certainly an important step, those of us liv- ranked schools. The College tells us that its goal is to help out those less fortunate and to raise Ryan Jackson assurance that our things will ing in dorms older than 1990 are still a little ill at our faculty salaries to levels competitive with similar institutions. When we see projects such not also become the victims of ease. as installing high-speed wireless internet access everywhere, however, we are forced to think faulty electric equipment. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that legislation that the College isnʼt exactly doing its best to put money in the places where it can do the most CBS news presented a story on dorm fires ear- or more importantly, funding, will come through good. lier this year in response to blazes that have killed on this issue. The General Assembly is still ruled Editorial Board: upwards of 75 students in the past five years. One in large part by the Grover Norquist, anti-tax common factor in most dorm fires is the lack of Republicans. The tax increase made earlier in Stephen Carley, Editor-in-Chief ✦ Whitney Winn, Managing Editor fire sprinklers, meant to provide some level of Warnerʼs term in an attempt to fix Gilmoreʼs car Virginia Paulus, Executive Editor ✦ Demetria Penix, Business Manager containment and extra time for evacuation. Preston tax faux pas has its fund drained by countless Michael Schobel, News Editor ✦ Alejandro Salinas, Variety Editor Hall, for instance, did not have a sprinkler system necessary projects, such as I-64. In short, the state Christopher Adams, Sports Editor ✦ Kyle Meikle, Reviews Editor in place during the fire last year. There is a sub- simply does not have money to dedicate to the Will Milton, Reviews Editor ✦ Natalie Ronollo, Opinions Editor stantial body of research that has grown steadily installation of sprinklers and is unwilling to make Danielle Espino, Online Editor ✦ Margaret Hoffecker, Copy Chief over the years promoting the use of fire sprinklers the money by raising taxes. in buildings, especially those with high levels of The same is true for Congress, with attitude. occupancy such as hotels, apartments and dorms. Earlier this week, The Washington Post reported One has to wonder what might have been different on GOP attempts to cut down on funds going to in Prestonʼs case had there been such a system in “entitlement spending,” such as Medicaid and the place. student loan program. The mood in D.C. seems to However, the administration here must be given be eliminating necessary spending, not increasing its due. The rebuilding of Preston includes plans to it. Thus, the College is out of luck for funding to install a sprinkler system in the attic, and, accord- increase the fire safety of its dorms. ing to an interview with The Virginian-Pilot, there Fortunately, though, this coming year happens are plans to place sprinklers in other buildings to be a gubernatorial election year, and the citizens over the next few years. In addition, over half of of the Commonwealth will take a mild interest in the dorms on campus have a system in place. Still, the state of the state. While there is not a shift for the College lags behind Virginia Tech, which has change currently, a push before the November elec- sprinklers in all dorm rooms. Luckily, we can take tion giving greater exposure to the need for fire some comfort in the knowledge that the University sprinklers might motivate some politicians to press of Virginia is woefully lacking, only having for the necessary legislation, if for no other reason smoke and heat detectors. The same is true for than that they “care.” However, if that leads to a Old Dominion University. We are certainly not the greater protection from faulty wiring and failed worst off, but we are far from being the best. kitchen fans, Iʼm all for it. In spite of the danger of fires in dorms, there Ryan Jackson is a freshman at the College. His is no state or national law mandating the instal- views do not necessarily represent those of The lation of sprinklers in existing dorms. In 2000, Flat Hat. I am not your Chanello’s

You may not know me, but thereʼs a good chance wonʼt call it again.” weʼve spoken on the phone this past week. Maybe you Within a day, my roommate Mary realized what was were having trouble registering for classes. Or you happening. Our extension is very similar to the first might have needed some help couple digits of countless Williamsburg-area phone with your computer. Or maybe numbers, including Chanelloʼs, if you think you have you just got hungry and felt like a to dial “1” first. Yes. If you think you dial “1” before pizza. How could I possibly help calling a number-that-is-in-the-same-area-code-you-are- you with all of these different in-at-that-moment (as one would hope a pizza delivery things (you may well ask)? place would be), then youʼll probably reach me instead I canʼt. of Chanelloʼs. If this sounds confusing, dear freshmen, My first week back at school just keep reading. has been pretty normal — I You see, you donʼt have to dial 1 when youʼre unpacked, decorated my room, already in the right area code. You donʼt even have Virginia caught up with old friends and to dial the area code when youʼre in this area code Pasley thought about how strange it feels (I know all of us from Northern Virginia have some to finally be a senior. I plugged in trouble with that one). What you do have to do, as a new phone, and recorded a nice, new voicemail greet- Iʼve learned to explain nearly every time I answer my ing. I was a little worried about remembering another phone, is to dial 7 to reach an off-campus, local num- new phone number. Itʼs my fourth campus number, ber. not to mention various cell phone numbers and all the In the days that have followed Maryʼs realization, codes and passwords. But after the past few days, I through the many, many wrong numbers, weʼve con- donʼt think Iʼll ever forget it. sidered giving up. Explaining proper dialing procedure The “wrong number” calls started coming soon again and again can get tiring. Weʼve considered say- after we plugged in the phone. My roommates and ing, “Sure, pepperoni? Would you like extra cheese on I thought it was a little funny but nothing to be too that?” But we havenʼt because weʼre not quite ready worried about. Poor freshmen, we thought, theyʼre to give up on you guys yet. Youʼre very bright kids so overwhelmed that they canʼt even remember their who just got into a very good school, and we think friendsʼ numbers. But after a few hours, we were less you have potential. So please pay close attention, now: sympathetic. The same person would call again and When dialing off campus, you have to dial 7 to get out. again, seeming to have no memory of the four-digit Remember that. Or some day soon, you just may not combination they just tried. I couldnʼt imagine what get that pizza youʼre craving at three a.m. they were thinking; I snapped at one poor boy “OK, Virginia Pasley is a senior at the College. Her views write down the number you just called. OK? Then you do not necessarily represent those of The Flat Hat. 6 OPINIONS ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 Letters to the Editor Crim Dell curse claims more than just students Meal plans leave students hungry for more To the editor: As members of the student body of the to tempt tradition, Iʼd like to offer the following other, he would marry that person. However, if I read the editorial “A Bad Meal Gets Worse” and couldnʼt agree College, we have all heard about the tradition story as a caveat. the significant other pushed him off, their rela- more with the criticism of the administrationʼs terrible logic in chang- surrounding the Crim Dell. Iʼm fairly certain While in L.A. this summer, I accidentally tionship would end. John seemed to make the ing how the Marketplace does business. I would like to point out, any tour guide or OA who mistakenly fails to ended up in a gay nightclub. I was with friends connection mentally, then sadly announced, “If I though, that the problem goes much deeper than block meals not being mention the bridge faces who “forgot” to mention that the club was pri- had known that, I wouldnʼt have let him push me accepted. The real problem is that the Marketplace leaves students won- dire consequences. For marily frequented by homosexuals, and I naively off the bridge. Then we could still be together.” dering if any meal plan now in existence gives any worthwhile option any unfortunate soul who believed that the scantily-clad men dancing with I had never before been confronted with the for sustenance. Unfortunately, the answer is no. The block plan leaves somehow managed to each other were simply a representation of West wrath of the tradition. It always seemed like a students with far too few Flex Points to make up for the lack of meal miss the bridge memo, Iʼll Coast culture. cute and fairly harmless legend. I felt horrible options. The gold plans are no better because the meal options at the recap. While occupying this fairly unique envi- and partially responsible for Johnʼs unhappi- Marketplace are now so sparse. At the Italian eatery, only pizza is on the meal plan; pasta dishes must be flexed. At the Deli, one type of bread If you walk across the ronment, I happened to sit down next to a ness. As a student I should take responsibility may be on the meal plan, but the one you want probably isnʼt. I thought Crim Dell bridge alone, guy named John. After brief introductions, he for explaining the legend to unaware visitors. At bread was bread, but the Marketplace once again had to educate my youʼll be single for the asked the question we all hear on a daily basis: the very least, the perils of the bridge should be poor, misguided mind. So, even if you can and want to use your meal Jess rest of your life. If you “Where do you go to school?” I replied, fully posted on a sign somewhere by that random bird option with the gold plan, your options are too limited, and now you Johnston walk across it with your expecting this random L.A. club-goer to be statue. donʼt have any Flex Points to make up for it. I sincerely hope the pow- significant other, youʼll utterly unaware of the College. He immediately My conversation with John ended. I had suf- ers-that-be will hear our cry and give us the food for which weʼve paid. I get married. The only way to avoid this marriage declared that he had flown to Virginia to attend ficiently depressed him, and he left indicating for one pledge to write at least two comment cards to the manager every involves pushing your significant other off the the Collegeʼs graduation the previous year. I was that he needed to meet a guy who could cheer time I eat at the Marketplace until there is a change, or until I graduate, bridge into the water. Simple enough. shocked. He explained that he had been dating him up. It was at this point that I realized I had whichever comes first. We all regard the myth with varied degrees a guy whose younger sibling was graduating not been talking to just one gay individual; I was —Daniel Payne, ʼ06 of skepticism. While I donʼt consider myself to from the College. Apparently John had joined now surrounded by them. I immediately made a be superstitious, I experience enough problems his boyfriendʼs family to celebrate the occasion. mental note to improve my gaydar, then left the with the opposite sex already. I find myself fully It was at this point that John mentioned “the club to return home with my friends. So, if any capable of mismanaging my love life. I really bridge” and explained that he walked across it of you are tempted to take a chance on the Crim Goodbye calm, hello chaos donʼt need the bridgeʼs help. I doubt Iʼm alone with his ex-boyfriend. Apparently, he had also Dell tradition, I pose one question: if a gay man in this matter, as I canʼt remember the last time I fallen off the bridge into the water, an event from L.A. canʼt escape the wrath of the bridge, A tsunami has hit, and itʼs called person who can adapt to change. saw anyone walking across the bridge. However, which he attributed to this ex-boyfriend. It was can you? college life. Itʼs my junior year; one From complete boredom to a jam- I know there are those who believe the story to at this point that I found it necessary to share Jess Johnson is a sophomore at the College. would think Iʼd have the hang of packed schedule in a matter of be an irrelevant myth that has no bearing on real- the tradition of the Crim Dell. I explained that if Her views do not necessarily represent those of the back-to-school routine by now. days? No problem. This adjustment ity. To those of you who find themselves eager he walked across the bridge with his significant the Flat Hat. But for some theory was not a viable explanation. reason, this Another issue that was bother- semesterʼs ing me was a little thing called transition Add/Drop. Perhaps this was the has been source of my affliction. The first harder than day of class was intimidating in a any other. major way, probably because I was Nothing already doubting my ability to han- seems to be dle 16 credits, a part-time job and going my several extra-curricular activities at Erica way, and once. Should I keep all my classes? Parker minor incon- Drop one? Exchange one for veniences something easier? In past semes- turn into major headaches. My ters I had no qualms about taking stress level could combat a bomb precisely what I wanted, and no builderʼs, and all this leaves me more. But this time, it was differ- asking, “why?” ent. Graduation requirements have I guess I should have seen it certainly become more pressing, coming, what with the celestial but there was something else that downpour the day I moved in. It confronted me with the weight of How to beat the heat, even at the ‘hottest’ school was as if the skies were shouting, my decisions. Every class seemed Iʼm no stranger to the col- cable to your laptop is nothing com- the toast of the town and that every- always Google, where, if you type “Welcome to the College. Prepare to be a stepping stone toward some- lege experience. After spending pared to the agony of having the body wants to be your friend and in “homemade air conditioner,” you to be swamped.” Sadly, however, thing bigger, and the classes I chose this omen eluded my notice. What would determine what that some- two years studying the habits and skin of your legs stick to your chair hang out in your room. Well, thatʼs will get a site that instructs you on was a little rain to a seasoned (figu- thing would be. In other words, I lifestyles of the average inebri- in the oppressively moist heat. not just because youʼre a vision of how to build one. After attempting rative) swimmer? was choosing my future. ated college So, whatʼs a hapless College wit, wisdom and beauty. to construct such an air conditioner, Not much, actually; the rain And then it hit me. The future. student at the student stuck in one of the many Fourth, place tin foil over your I regret to inform you that more wasnʼt such a big deal. Neither The ever-ominous, unknown future. University dorms without air-conditioning to windows. The properties of tin foil technical knowledge than either I were the bugs in my room. Or the This, it turns out, was the twenty- of Maryland, do? are such that it will deflect light and or my friends possess is required. severe lack of power outlets, which foot wave threatening to crash over College Park, First, wear skimpy clothing. heat from your window, turning Furthermore, though our air condi- seems to be the trademark of the my head. Everything around me I am now a This is the least effective of all your room into a veritable Batcave tioner needs no electricity to oper- Collegeʼs own sadist architect. The was telling me to choose a future, transfer junior the methods but the biggest self- and making it a few degrees colder. ate, it does need a vat of water, of exorbitant amount I spent on text- to choose the course my life would at this fine esteem boost. If youʼre feelinʼ hot, This is the perfect solution for any which your RA might not be a fan. books did irk me a bit, but still, Iʼm take. The time for merely enjoy- institution, you might as well dress hot. Its of you computer science majors At least youʼd be well-equipped for used to that. So what was it, I won- ing learning was over; it was time Nadia and paying benefits include instant, if dubious, who donʼt care much for the sun, any dorm fires, though. dered, that had me feeling so over- to make my education count for Frolenkova some $10,000 popularity among the boys at the anyway. Just make sure you ask All of which brings me to the whelmed? What was this ball and something. It was no longer pos- more per other end of your residential hall. your color-pink-loving, curtain- conclusion that thereʼs simply chain wrapped around my ankle, sible to keep all of my options year for my education. The extra Second, buy a dozen fans and hanging roommate before you tape no fighting the heat when it hits pulling me beneath the surface, open, because there just wasnʼt money shows up in the little things strategically position them about the windows up; she might not care Williamsburg. No wonder the making me struggle for breath? room in my schedule, or life, to the school boasts: access to wire- your room. While this is marginally for that particular decorative touch. College made Newsweekʼs Hottest My friends and family had prepare for everything the world less Internet from most locations more effective, a couple of pesky Whether or not the fire marshal Schools list. As for me, the next some possible answers for me. has to offer. I had to choose. I hate on campus, a full kitchen on every consequences: fans tend to break likes the foil is also debatable. time the temperature climbs over “Moving back is a big adjustment,” choosing. I suppose this indecisive- floor — and yet when I moved often and cost considerable moolah, Fifth, spend a lot of time at 80° F, Iʼll be in the student lounge my mother offered. “Youʼve been ness goes hand-in-hand with my taking it easy all summer, and adaptable nature; I like a little bit of into Dillard last weekend, I was especially for a starving college Swem or in the dining halls. This on the second floor of Munford now everythingʼs hitting you all everything but donʼt love anything flattened by a decidedly low-tech student. Try to get your parents to is also effective, but has conse- Hall, clinging to the air-conditioner at once.” True enough. I did have so much that I would never want enemy: the heat. bankroll the purchase. Furthermore, quences. Rest assured, youʼll see a for dear life and trying to come up a pretty lazy summer: days on the a change. A career-driven society Now, Iʼm not complaining; I if your room is anything like my lot of Swem from the inside come with a credible health condition to lake, visits with friends and some just isnʼt cut out for a person like love me some wireless, but dear room, you barely have any place finals and midterm time, so why put on my air conditioner medical pretty fantastic naps. Needless to me; no single job could ever fulfill university administration: priori- to fit in a small TV, much less a start early? And spending extra time necessity form. Allergic to heat? say, school is a whole other ball my variant desires. But while Iʼm ties. If the wiring in certain dorms couple of extra fans. in the dining halls tends to exacer- Yes, thatʼll do it. Cough, cough. game. The classes, meetings, and in this imperfect world, Iʼll have to is so dilapidated that it canʼt handle Third, spend time with friends bate the “freshman 15,” which may Nadia Frolenkova is a junior mountains of work donʼt even begin make do with my line of best fit. air-conditioning units, why not take who have air-conditioned rooms. eventually become the “senior 50.” at the College. Her views do not to cover it. Yet momʼs answer was And in the meantime, Iʼll be keep- care of that first? Iʼm sure the minor If youʼre one of those lucky souls, Sixth, build your own air con- necessarily represent those of The not enough to satisfy me. Despite ing my eyes peeled for the “parallel inconvenience of having to hook a youʼve noticed that youʼre suddenly ditioner. For the hardcore, thereʼs Flat Hat. my occasional sluggishness, I love lives” option on my next career meeting a challenge head-on. The interest survey. Collegeʼs demanding environment Erica Parker is a junior at the Highway robbery: the Transportation ‘Equity’ Act was one of the reasons I chose this College. Her views do not necessar- school. And Iʼve always been a ily represent those of The Flat Hat. The recently-passed Transportation Equity actual impact of the legislation. For example, they, too, may be assured of victory in the next Act has not received nearly enough public the state of Alaska, the third least-populated congressional election. President George W. scrutiny for its massive price tag of $286 state, was allocated the fourth largest sum of Bush did indeed initially place a spending cap billion, or roughly one and a half times the money, $941 million, due in large part to the of an already outrageous sum of $284 billion financial cost of the war support from Representative Don Young. “Don dollars, but decided to compromise with the Better than flipping burgers... in Iraq. This transporta- Youngʼs Way” is the name that will now adorn finalized $286 billion sum after two years of tion bill does include the new $231 million bridge near Anchorage, failed negotiations within Congress on how to Deliver the Flat Hat and make $25. commendable proposals and though his name wonʼt appear on the $223 address the pervasive disparities in pork spend- such as incentives for million bridge to Ketchikan, his constituents ing among the states. states to mandate the use will remember who was responsible for its Hence, there is little wonder why Congress of safety belts as well construction. Additionally, the Prairie Parkway is the least popular institution of the U.S. Interested? E-mail [email protected] as automobile standards will now be constructed in Dennis Hastertʼs government. Even with a war halfway across which will take effect by district outside of Chicago under the pretense the world claiming the lives of American for more information. Joshua 2009 in hopes of achiev- of reducing traffic in the area. However, offi- soldiers daily, a skyrocketing national debt ing rollover prevention. cials believe the $207 million project will do and a meltdown in health care insurance and Powers However, the bill also little to ease Chicago-area congestion. Medicare costs, Congress has the audacity to includes 6,371 highway projects added by At this point, you may be asking yourself pass a $286 billion transportation bill to assure members of Congress, both Republicans and how such widespread pork-barrel spending themselves of election victories. American tax- Democrats. While members involved in the could ease its way through Congress without payers understand the need for members to be congressional budgeting process prefer to use a major fight on behalf of American taxpay- responsive to the requests of constituents, but if the term “earmarks” for these unnecessary ers. The answer to this question lies in the congressmen were a little less concerned with projects, I shall call them precisely what they pessimistic, though somewhat realistic, view their re-election and more concerned with deal- are: pork-barrel pieces of legislation, intended of Congress as a conspiracy manipulated by ing with the complex issues facing our nation, for members to increase their popularity in incumbents with the aim of holding on to their perhaps they wouldnʼt have to be apprehensive their districts and hence bring about an assured seats. Republicans trying to maintain their about their job stability in the first place. 2006 election victory. majorities in the House and the Senate keep the Joshua Powers is a junior at the College. Indeed, even the wording of the billʼs title, Democratic opposition silent by offering their His views do not necessarily represent those of Transportation Equity Act, misrepresents the left-wing counterparts pork of their own so that The Flat Hat. : Nothing else measures up. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Our President shares his September 2, 2005 thoughts on our ‘hot- Page 7 ness,’ Timmy J, and the best food on campus [email protected] VARIETY See THAT GUY, page 9.

COURTESY PHOTO✦ THE MUSCARELLE MUSEUM OF ART New exhibit explores nature’s wild side

BY LAUREN BLEAM Although many of the THE FLAT HAT inhabitants of the College may not recognize the name of Charles Each new school year brings Burchfield, Burchfield played an with it a myriad of delights influential part in the history of and distractions, and it is easy modern art. All his life, Burchfield to miss important opportunities was absolutely captivated by in the chaos of it all. However, the weather, and many of his one opportunity that students and works personify nature in vibrant MTV calls show to campus faculty should take care not to miss emotional ways revolutionary in is a display of the work of Charles his day. According to Heather Burchfield at Williamsburgʼs Campbell, curator of education at BY LISA BATEMAN Muscarelle Museum of Art. the museum, Burchfield recorded THE FLAT HAT “Charles E. Burchfield: observations about the weather on Backyards and Beyond” is an a calendar when he was young. “DO YOU WANT TO BE ON MTV?” Students of the College exhibit organized by the Burchfield- Several of his paintings express within shouting distance of the Sunken Gardens at noon on Monday, Penny Art Center. The paintings his passion about the weather, undoubtedly heard Ghost, a contestant on MTVʼs newest show, and sketches were brought to the and the strong feelings that he screaming this question as loud as he possibly could. It certainly museum by the decision of an associated with it. was not a typical day on campus. Classes were still in session with executive committee. Burchfield was born in 1893, students presumably in attendance, but those students lucky enough “I have been looking for a the son of a schoolteacher and to have their lunch break at noon flocked to the Sunken Gardens in Burchfield show for some time a tailor, in Salem, Ohio. He did hopes of seeing themselves in the background of “Call to Greatness,” now. He was an independent many things in his life, from an MTV show that will air in late October. artist, which means that he did serving in the armed forces to The show features five contestants (Ghost, Rainbow, Andreas, not follow someone elseʼs style. designing wallpaper. He graduated Paul and Drew) who travel across the country attempting to break He was a very influential artist, from the Cleveland School of Art various world records. These world records range from ridiculous, and so it is good for us to have and married Bertha Kenreich in such as the “pudding toss” that took place on the Sunken Gardens, to him on display,” Museum Curator See WILD ✦ page 8 dangerous, such as riding a four-wheeler through fire. By the close Ann Madonia said. of the show, the contestants will have traveled to California, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Florida, Hawaii, New York and Virginia, with one episode filmed in each state. Reggae Band Jah-ms When asked why she chose the Sunken Gardens to film a segment of the show, Julie Reading, the executive producer of “The Call to Greatness,” explained, “I went to school in Richmond, so I wanted to include Virginia as one of the locations for the show. Virginia has a certain style unlike other areas.” Of course, the wide open space of the Sunken Gardens is ideal not only for a game of ultimate frisbee or capture the flag, but also for “Pudding Plunking,” a tradition originally brought to America by British settlers in which contestants use a frying pan to toss a nylon sock filled with “blood pudding” as far as possible. The contestants are trying to break the 118ʼ 2ʼʼ world record for the pudding toss. Since the Collegeʼs history dates back to the British settlers, MTV apparently saw Pudding Plunking as a perfect fit. At least 200 students tore themselves away from their busy Monday schedules to be a part of the excitement. There was already a fairly large crowd in the Sunken Gardens COURTESY PHOTO✦ SOJAMUSIC.COM when the MTV tour bus arrived. “The show has been one huge ANDY DESOTO ✦ THE FLAT HAT road trip. All of the contestants have gotten to be really close,” said A crowd of students from the College gathered Monday at the Sunken BY ELIZABETH COLE Reading. As soon as the tour bus pulled up, the five contestants Gardens to watch some record-breaking “pudding toss.” The event THE FLAT HAT was part of “Call to Greatness,” MTVʼs latest reality show. “Call to See MTV ✦ page 8 Greatness” will be airing late next month. Itʼs that time of year again. The beginning of another school year finds students scurrying off to classes, pouring over readings and sinking into the rhythm of long days and longer nights. UCABʼs Fall Season of Fridays @ 5, a series of free concerts could be the perfect way to de-compress, de-stress and digress from a wearied week of studying. Today, SOJA, a reggae band fully titled Soldiers of Jah Army, will kick off UCABʼs concert series. Hailed as one of the best reggae bands in the Washington D.C. area, SOJA makes a return visit to the College after an impressive show last fall hosted by Pi Kappa Alpha. UCAB concert coordinator Sam Rogers hopes SOJA will give as rousing a performance as he remembers of last yearʼs show. “I was blown away by the response of the eclectic crowds,” Rogers said. He described their sound as underwritten with mellow moods and laced with political timeliness. Their sometimes leftist lyrics, however, yield to the bandʼs overarching and self-proclaimed message: rising up See JAH-MS ✦ page 8 In feuding, ‘hater’ culture, where has all love gone? Where is the love? Oh Black Eyed Peas, so institution; as a tour guide I tell the prospectives toward some dude. “Why do you hate him attempt at pitting the two disciplines against wise beyond their years, could it be they had a little anecdote about the T.J. statue between so?” she asked, to which I responded, “Oh I each other, but the more “Mean Girls”-inspired the College in mind? It seems to me there is a the Washington and McGlothlin-Street Halls. donʼt know, I donʼt really have a reason to like tactic showed an atrociously spelled and ill- culture of feuders on campus. Popped collars As lore has it, when UVa gave us the statue him.” And it seemed the matter was settled, the written poster with zʼs for sʼs something to the CONFUSION are such a bone of contention that youʼd think for our tercentennial year, their intention was default for not liking has become hating, simple effect of “Giv Uz Muny! (A Hiztorie Mager they were the manifestation of white upper- to have Jefferson gaze lovingly out toward and uncomplicated. Rote Thiz Sine).” Pretty fetch if you ask CORNER class elitism … oh wait. But what if you just Charlottesville. It follows that as a direct dig Think itʼs just the students who enjoy me. ME-ow to you, English department, for think Parisʼ style is hot and like to get it poppinʼ to our long-standing rival, the college has T.J. a good head-to-head? Faculty joins in the continuing our tradition of keeping rivalries (your collar that is) every so often? Must you looking into the Washington second floor girlsʼ adversarial fun, too (around fund-raising time). alive, if only in jest. fend off player haters to express all of those bathroom, the exact opposite direction from The College offers prizes to the department Now, Iʼm all for a good beef every once inner feelings that can only be shown through UVa. But whence did this feud begin? Surely whose graduating majors donate the most in a while, but isnʼt a catfight better when the manner of wearing your shirt? I just donʼt the UVa-themed frat party is not just an excuse money to the school. If you saw the flyers thereʼs something concrete and juicy behind see why we waste the effort to feud over non- for closet preps to let it all out, but rather must posted around Tucker at the end of last year, it? Mmmm, juicy beef … reminds me how entities. Perhaps we speak in hyperbole for the be the proper punishment for some ancient you know that the English department was out much I just hate those vegetarians for no other ease of it all. Polarity gives us the simplicity of affront to the College. Not so? Could we harbor for blood even if they were only actually out reason than they donʼt share in my enjoyment two options — so love, or totally hate. a feud for no other purpose than feuding? for a boombox. of animal flesh. I guess they do have those cute Even when the other side of the battlefield From our young pre-school days, sorting Notwithstanding how lame it is that we PETA stickers though. Conflict avoided. Charlotte is empty, it would appear we keep waging the has been a valued skill, at first red marbles canʼt afford to give each department the Charlotte Savino is a Confusion Corner Savino war. Letʼs be honest, UVa doesnʼt care about from yellow ones and now the tools from the boombox it truly deserves, I was impressed columnist for The Flat Hat. She loves me and us. Still, even I am a culprit in perpetuating cool (youʼll have to excuse me for that one). A by how witty the flyers were. “Donʼt let the she loves you too ... just as long as you donʼt this one-sided battle against the Charlottesville friend of mine once questioned my aggression History department win!” was one stellar try to un-pop her collar, biatch. FVariety UN 8 VARIETY ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005

Volunteer fair Crossword Puzzle Variety ACROSS ✦ The Office of Student Volunteer Services will Calendar host their fair this upcoming Wednesday from 1. Unposed photo 5 to 7 p.m. in the University Centerʼs lobby. 35 7. Streisand, infanzines agencies will be there to discuss what they offer. 11. Cpl.ʼs superior Two information sessions will be held at 7 p.m.: 14. Tom, Dick or Harry Highlights of the week international service trips in Tidewater Room B 15. Year in Henry Iʼsreign and Williamsburg Community Hospital in the 16. Court — compiled by max fisher Commonwealth Auditorium. 17. Military meal manager 19. Set off McGee returns Music festival 20. Used a sauna 21. What “bathy-” means ✦ This upcoming Thursday the Pat McGee Band ✦ This weekend, Virginia Beach hosts the largest 23. Homeboysʼ “fraternity” returns to campus with a performance at the outdoor multi-day music festival on the east coast. 24. Consulateʼs kin Matoaka Amphitheatre. Students pay $3, and you Headliners by night are Hootie and The Blowfish 25. Somewhat firm probably werenʼt doing anything, anyway. The today for $12, Leann Rimes tomorrow for $15, 28. Track tournaments band will be performing material from their new Journey and Vertical Horizon Sunday for $20 and 29. Woolen cloth album, “Save Me.” The show is at 5:30 p.m. Ted “The Nuge” Nugent for free Monday. 30. Homes of the rich and To have an event printed in the Variety Calendar, call x3281 before 5 p.m. Tuesday. famous 33. Beauty preceder? 34. Epoch 10. Auxiliary wager 46. Corpulent 35. Hieroglyphic stone locale 11. Diner entree 47. Italianʼs word of 40. Musical counterpoint 12. Al et al. approval 44. Prison guard, in slang 13. Hungarian wine 51. “Ripleyʼs Believe 45. Air shafts for mines 18. Nosed (out) ___ Not!” 46. Lewd 22. ___-cake (babyʼs 52. 4,047 square meters 48. Sweep with binoculars game) 53. Neighbor of Nigeria 49. Decapitates 25. “Suppose they gave 56. Bishopʼs jurisdiction 50. Hearty? ___...” 54. Clockmaker Terry 26. Sign of The Times? Source: The New York Times 55. Embroidery style 27. Tuxedo accompaniment 57. Kind of camera:Abbr. 31. River to Donegal Bay 58. Margarita garnish Last week’s solution 32. Hurdles for 59. Author Welty 60. Grab a bite srs. 61. “Waiting for the 36. Behold, to Robert ___” Pilate 62. Let live 37. Something cloying DOWN 38. Plant 1. Rotating engineparts runner 2. Over 39. Absolutely 3. Amex alternative fabulous Hulabaloo By Nate Loerhke 4. Pharmacistʼsconcerns 40. Platters 5. Coffee choice 41. Covers 6. Diplomatʼs quest completely 7. Mercedes competitor 42. Nascent 8. University environment company 9. Ancient galleys 43. Shaw play

did take place at class time. Freshman Jenny Dorand MTV said “I think itʼs so exciting MTV is here. I just wish FROM PAGE 7 it would start though, because I have a class at one, and I donʼt want to have to miss the show.” jumped out and began mingling with students of Senior Patrick Decker also said that he thought the College. Hannah Perry, a freshman, got the more students would have been there to check out the opportunity to speak with Andreas. “He had a ʻtoo event if it had not been on a Monday. cool for schoolʼ look, so I was wondering who he “I think itʼs kind of sad that a lot of people was, but then he came over and started talking to us. couldnʼt show up,” he said. He was very friendly and told us a lot about himself,” For those students unable to attend the event, the said Perry. show is set to air at the end of October on Sunday Heroman By Thomas Baumgardner Students were excited to have an opportunity to nights at 10:30. Those who missed the event just talk to the contestants and hear about their adventures. might see yourself in the background cheering on the The only drawback to the event was the fact that it contestants.

journals that Burchfield kept Recently, the Muscarelle Horoscopes WILD throughout his life about his pieces welcomed a new director who FROM PAGE 7 are also illuminating. Another graduated from the College notable part of the show is the 20 years ago and served as a Virgo: Aug. 23 - Sept. 22 Pisces: Feb. 19 - March 20 1922. They had six children. He print room in the back, which now volunteer for the museum while This week you will come to the stunning You will be have the difficult choice of also taught in several prominent houses several prints on whish attending school. He said he has and life-changing revelation that show- which of two girls to bring home. The universities throughout the Burchfield and a contemporary several new ideas to make the ering is not an every-other-day activity. correct choice, of course, is to vomit on country. named JJ Lankes collaborated. museum more effective in the We foresee soap in your future. yourself and pass out in the bathroom. As Burchfield became more When asked how the museum coming years. experienced, he began using more relates to college students and We can expect many more Libra: Sept. 23 - Oct. 22 Aries: March 21 - April 19 expressive colors and moving the surrounding community, positive contributions to the When youʼre too tired for class, watch You will learn the hard lesson that, away from the more realistic Campbell said that the museum college from this significant “The Godfather” instead. It offers far while three days is money, waiting 10 depiction of nature into the realm wants to be a valuable resource museum in the years to come. better lessons than most GERs teach all days to call is just too long. And thereʼs of the abstract. Nature, however, and that it is always open to any The museumʼs gallery hours are year. Leave the gun, take the cannoli. nothing money about sleeping alone. it was always present as his main professors or students who would Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday inspiration. like to look at its collection for a noon to 4 p.m., and Thursday and Scorpio: Oct. 23 - Nov. 21 Taurus: April 20 - May 20 Burchfield drew his inspiration class. “ The Museum is a good Friday 10 a.m. to 4:45 p.m. The Pissed off your profs by showing Books are expensive, but whoring from several cultural sources, fit with studio art, art history, Muscarelle is closed Monday and up to class drunk again? Drop it and yourself out to tourists for hot, colonial- including the books he was psychology, archaeology or really Tuesday. The College students and add a different section. Add/drop: the style sex is no way to live. But we must reading and his favorite music. any discipline; art fits in with faculty receive free admission. Registrarʼs week for sanctioned raging. say, youʼre smokinʼ in that bonnet. For example, several of his works everything,” Campbell said. This newest show opened to the were influenced by Beethovenʼs The museum also employs public on Saturday and closes Sagittarius: Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 Gemini: May 21 - June 21 symphonies. One of the most several student volunteers October 23rd., so you still have Thereʼs no denying it; you have bad 20% of adults believe the sun rotates intriguing aspects of this exhibition and interns every year, and the plenty of time to go see it. taste in music. Throw out your old around the Earth, so your theory that the are the sketches on display in Museum-University Student So extricate yourself from CDs (yes, even your beloved Nelly) sun rides on the back of a great beetle which Burchfield played with Exchange (MUSE) works with the the back-to-school web of and pick up the new Death Cab disc. circling the sky may not be so bad. his medium and developed plans MUscarelle to help it better serve obligations and take some visit for later paintings. Quotes from College students. the Muscarelle. Capricorn: Dec. 22 - Jan. 19 Cancer: June 22 - July 22 Plagiarism is serious business, so you Truth hurts, Cancer, but its time you Ken Brownwell on percussion and Patrick OʼShea need a better excuse than “divine inspi- knew: youʼre just not funny. Quit shout- JAH-MS on keyboards. ration” to explain the literature essay ing “Old School” and “Billie Madison” FROM PAGE 7 As natives of the Washington, D.C. area, the band you copied out of last monthʼs Cosmo. quotes and you may get slapped less. received nominations from the D.C. Reggae Awards today for the children of tomorrow. Songs with such and the Washington Area Music Association. Aquarius: Jan. 20 - Feb. 18 Leo: July 23 - Aug. 22 titles as “Rasta Courage,” “Forgive Donʼt Forget” Their first recording, “Creeping In,” a 13-track When the moon is in the seventh house Cure Saturday nightʼs boredom by and “True Love” capture SOJAʼs inspirational spirit. cassette produced independently, garnered acclaim and Jupiter aligns with Mars, peace going to the UCAB laser tag game. You Lilting beats hark back to reggaeʼs earlier roots among the D.C./Baltimore Rastafari community. A will guide the planets and you should wonʼt have any fun, but at least youʼll and provide a pleasing backdrop for what Rogers growing fan base and local recognition drove the get tested for chlamydia. get out of the dorm room for once. describes as “intriguingly basic” songs. production of SOJAʼs two subsequent albums, the compiled by max fisher The soldiers of SOJA are Jacob Hemphill singing most recent of which dropped in 2003. UCAB is lead vocals, Bob “Bobby Lee” Jefferson lending excited to be hitting the ground running by having bass and lead vocals, Ryan “Bird” Berty on drums, SOJA perform on the UC terrace today. VARIETY ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 9 Putting hand(s) to good use Does anyone remember the base system? You know, back in high school, when a friend hooked up, probably in the backseat of their parentʼs minivan That Guy: after the football game, the first question was always, “What base did you get to?” It was a handy system, allowing you to refer Gene Nichol BEHIND to a sexual act without actually CLOSED having to talk about it, a plus for awkward, uncomfortable BY TEGAN NEUSTATTER I must say that itʼs a real challenge following in DOORS adolescents. FLAT HAT STAFF WRITER the footsteps of a very effective leader and a class act. Letʼs see, first-basing In fact, the first couple of times the search committee was kissing (with or without Last May, many of the students at the College [for a new president] called me, I thought, “Who tongue, right?), second base were sad to see the end of former president Timmy would be crazy enough to follow Tim Sullivan?” But was boobs, third was getting Jʼs 13-year reign. However, the silver lining on this I guess we found out. The good news is that I will in the pants and we all know cloud is that the College has a new, energetic and very take up the reins in a very good place. The College what the home run was. Or, cool president to take his place. Gene Nichol, former is a much better institution than when I was a faculty alternatively, second could dean of the law school at UNC-Chapel Hill, is back member, and that has certain implications for the refer to any sort of handiwork, (after teaching here 20 years ago) to bring some fresh way I approach the job. One of them is that I came while third was more of the perspective to our school. This week, Nichol gives us here drawn to the spirit of engagement between the Kate oral variety. Now, a little want to be moving the skin, not scraping against it his two cents on the future of the College, why weʼre faculty and students, and even the administration and Prengaman older and a little wiser, weʼve with your hand. You can go straight up and down, or so hot and the joys of fine dining on campus. the students. Itʼs not something that will occur or learned that sex is a lot more change pressure as you move, or even add a twist. Are you liking it here at the College so far? can occur in the larger universities — which is why complicated and has a lot more varieties than four Test a variety of grips and speeds until you see his Yes, itʼs the kind of place that takes your breath I have a lot on my plate. Tim [Sullivan] set a very consecutive steps allow. Plus, weʼre less ashamed of happy face. For extra credit, use your free hand to away. Itʼs been an interesting couple of months, high bar on that. However, the interaction between actually talking about it. However, sexual maturity play with his testicles or apply some pressure to the but particularly this last month with all the students students and faculty is why I teach and why I was has its consequences as well. For example, what area just behind them. If you need to put your lips or arriving. drawn here. Iʼm going to be involved, and Iʼm going ever happened to that elusive act, sometimes second tongue to good use, the balls will usually appreciate What made you leave the University of North to take the time to learn this institution as completely base, sometimes third, the classic handjob? them, or just kiss or gently bite the inner thighs. Ask Carolina-Chapel Hill to become the Collegeʼs 26th and as quickly as I can. At first consideration, handjobs bring back him what feels best; and go from there. president? Now that your “era” has started, any big plans unpleasant memories of the first awkward time you To give a girl a really great handjob, decide on a I taught here when I was young; I was a law for the future? touched someone elseʼs “private area” and then starting position. Do you need to be able to see what professor in the early ʼ80s. I met my wife here, and First, let me say that I come thinking that this didnʼt know what to do. So, we quickly moved on to you are doing (which can be pretty hot), or can you my first child was born here. Weʼre no strangers to is a tremendous school — it doesnʼt need me to easier and more fulfilling techniques like oral sex. just go from feel? Iʼd recommend starting where you Williamsburg. But the real pull for me was not that explain to it what it has been doing so marvelously Oral sex is great fun, and it feels pretty good even can see, which would mean sitting between her legs we had been here before, but because we think this is for centuries. I hope to continue this trajectory when the person giving it isnʼt amazingly talented. somehow. If youʼre confident, try sitting behind her one of the greater institutions of higher learning in the of progress that I think has been reflected in the But we all know that an unskilled hand job can verge so sheʼs lying on you, so you can easily have your world. It is literally a treasure. If you are interested faculty and student attainment. Thereʼs never been on painful. On the other hand, a really good handjob hands where they need to be, and you can kiss her in public higher education, like I am, then William as much progress as weʼve seen over the last couple can have you moaning for more. So now that weʼre neck or whisper in her ear as you go. Move your and Mary occupies a unique position. Itʼs appealing, of decades. Given the attainment of the place, I am a bit more grown up, with a little more experience fingers slowly and softly at first. Use one hand to and itʼs challenging. Iʼm very drawn to the College particularly interested in taking a lot of time to talk and skill, itʼs time to bring back the handjob. Are hold open the lips of the vagina and the other to pay of William and Mary and its future, especially right to people about the strengths and weaknesses of the you with me? attention to the clitoris. As you experiment, ask her now more than six months ago. As you know, we College, getting to know it, asking a lot of questions. Anyway, the point is that thereʼs no reason not what she likes best. were recently rated “Americaʼs hottest small state Iʼm hoping in the years to come we can become more to include a good handjob in your sexual repertoire. To learn from the best teacher, ask your partner school.” diverse as an institution and more internationally The operative word is good. A good handjob isnʼt to masturbate in front of you. They would, I hope, What do you think it is about the College that focused. Iʼm hoping that we can take our public simple; it takes a little more precision and technique, be the most knowledgeable about what really works makes it hot? obligation more seriously. I have a lot of hopes, but I but when you get it right, it can be damn good. The for them, so if you just watch and take notes, Itʼs interesting because Iʼve heard a lot of am going to be spending time talking to the broader key is to pay attention to the details of exactly how you might get some pretty good ideas. Also, itʼs discussion about the pros and cons of whether base of this community. your partner likes to be touched, and in this case, important to note that the handjob certainly doesnʼt William and Mary is the most exciting place for a Finally, if you had to eat at one place for the rest everybody has their personal preferences. have to be the conclusion to the evening (although it college student. I do think that it is a reflection of the of the year, would it be the Caf, the Marketplace To give a guy a really great handjob, lubrication definitely could be); you can just consider it really appeal the College has and that it is a tribute to the or Center Court? is key. For this you have two options: either hot foreplay. So go for it, and bring back second (or accomplishments of the College. It certainly was not I havenʼt yet been to the re-opened Caf yet, so incorporate it with some oral action, to use your third) base. what I was expecting. based on my present experiences, I would say the saliva as lube, or just grab some lotion or KY (if Kate Prengaman is a sex columnist for The Flat What are your thoughts about following in Marketplace. However, I anticipate that when I do youʼre going to have sex soon after, make sure Hat. She remembers in 4th grade when first base the footsteps of our beloved former President, eat at the new Caf, Iʼm going to love it and Iʼm going you use a water-based lube that wonʼt affect the was hand holding, second was kissing, third was Timothy Sullivan? to be there a lot. condom). Use one hand on the shaft, gripping in the kissing with tongue, and the home run was “doing middle and moving up to the tip and back down. You IT.” She misses those days ... sort of. September 2, 2005 Page 10 [email protected] BRIEFS

Book sale trips and volunteering at Sentara Williamsburg Hospital will follow. The Friends of the Library orga- nization is holding their annual book sale from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. CPK info Sept. 24 and 1 to 5 p.m. Sept. 25 Tired of selling your soul to the in the Botetourt Gallery in Earl An information session for those Gregg Swem Library. Hardcover wishing to volunteer with College books are $4; paperbacks are $1. Partnership for Kids will be held at Everything will be half price Sept 4 p.m. Sept. 9 in the Tidewater B Bursar’s offi ce every year? 25. room of the University Center. Project Phoenix W&M House

Training for Project Phoenix, a The second annual W&M tutoring program, will be held Sept. House, an event that will involve 6 at 3:30 p.m. in Washington 201. building a home for a family in Williamsburg, is looking for peope to help out. If interested in help- Volunteer fair ing, contact Abbitt Woodall at 221- 0225 (off campus) at least two A volunteer fair will be held 5 weeks before you want to help. Sell ads for Th e Flat Hat instead. to 7 p.m. Sept. 7 in the University You need no construction exper- Center Lobby. Over 30 local agen- tise. The group will teach you as cies will be represented, and inter- you go along and will make sure to Th e commission is better, we swear. est sessions on international service keep you out of danger. CLASSIFIEDS HEALTH

(And we need a better way to fi ll up all this space.) Headache? Neck pain? Back pain? Sports injury? Stress? We can help. Visit www. Classifieds are $.25/ performancechiropractic.com to wd./issue and must be see how CHIROPRACTIC, pre-paid by check. Call ACUPUNCTURE, and 757-221-3283 or e-mail MASSAGE help you be your [email protected] for more best. For more information, or info. E-mail [email protected] for more information. to schedule an appointment, call Performance Chiropractic at 229-4161. (ad authorized by Dr. Daniel Shaye, chiropractic phy- sician, W&M 1990) September 2, 2005 Page 11 He can only get angry if he sees you move. [email protected] REVIEWS See GOSSIP, page 12. Film brings beloved ‘Grimm’ classics alive Indie idol, hip-hop

BY BETH SUTHERLAND Occasionally, though, when it seems to have and hilarious character by far is Cavaldi — a THE FLAT HAT gone off the deep end, the viewer finds her sadistic French officer who is “a master in the mind wandering rather than attempting to keep torturing arts.” Played by the intense but comi- hero strike back Sometimes, in the usually droll and formu- up with the endless succession of disquieting, cal Peter Stormare (“Chocolat”), he constantly laic world of mainstream film, a movie takes quirky quips. Ledger and Damon have a kind shouts random lines and bursts across the frame ✦ Death Cab deliver muddled ‘Plans’ you on a rollercoaster ride to the dark side of of Abbot and Costello act going throughout the (usually wielding some unseemly instrument of the moon. It is both a dreamscape and a night- movie. Ledger is Jacob, the naïve, oblivious pain). Of course it would be a sin not to mention BY CONOR MCKAY mare, a terrifying cinematic acid trip. Every crackpot, while Damon plays Will, who is a Jonathan Pryce (“Something Wicked This Way THE FLAT HAT characterʼs a caricature, and the madness is so savvy, pragmatic womanizer. One cannot help Comes,” “Evita,” “Pirates of the Caribbean”), dizzying that itʼs hard to draw a breath. Nothing but think that they should have switched roles; who plays Cavaldiʼs commanding officer. A For every genre of music there comes a point when the bubble makes sense; everything makes sense. Torture, the movie may have run better had they done so. mini-Napoleon (no pun intended). These French pops. It happened to punk when the underground sold out, lead- decapitation and even true love are made to But the film makes no pretense at fluidity. oppressors capture the conniving brothers and ing to some sort of parallel universe wherein Blink-182 was cat- seem hilarious. This doesnʼt necessarily make it Though their comedy is derived mainly from force them to confront an actual threat. There is egorized right alongside The Clash, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols a good film. Itʼs just … weird. each otherʼs blundering, the characters do have an evil presence in the forest of Marbaden, and and Iggy. Iggy, for chrissake. It Terry Gilliamʼs “The Brothers Grimm” is just at least a little bit of depth and emotion. The little girls are constantly disappearing. Little happened to rap when some such a movie. It may be what would result from movie opens with a scene from their childhood. Red Riding Hood, Gretel; theyʼre all gone. genius decided to charge $20 a mating of Tim Burtonʼs “Sleepy Hollow” with Will, his mother and his ailing sister sit in a Only by undertaking this quest do the two find for 50 cents — and the funny Baz Luhrmannʼs “Moulin Rouge!” Itʼs maca- tiny cottage, waiting for Jacob to come back. themselves and acquire a deeper understanding part is, we bought it: “Get bre, but with a tenacious insanity. The music is He has gone to sell the cow so there will be of the infinite abilities of the imagination. Rich or Die Tryinʼ” went phenomenal — both frenetic and dark, lumber- money to pay for a doctor for the little girl. But Whether intentional or not, this film can six times plati- num. As Hunter ing through the movie like a crippled ogre. It is because heʼs a starry-eyed dreamer more will- work on a different level. Without this depth, S. Thompson wrote, “You a dark comedy, a film with heroes that move in ing to believe in the magic of what is possible it would be pointless. Literary allusion must be can go up on a steep hill in Las the spirit of “Van Helsing.” A half-eaten corpse, rather than the actuality of what is, Jacob trades an inevitable component to a movie about the Vegas and look West, and with COURTESY ✦ ATLANTIC a fleshy witch, a bloodthirsty wolf, an erotical- the cow for some “magic beans.” This echo Grimm brothers. There are obvious ones, such the right kind of eyes you can ly-inclined toad, an evil gingerbread man and of “Jack the Giant Killer” fails to deliver the as “The Frog Prince” and “The Gingerbread almost see the high-water mark — the place where the wave finally (save us all) several psychotic Frenchmen haunt generic happy ending. The sister dies and Will Man,” and various catchphrases such as “whoʼs broke and rolled back.” Well, that wave is cresting again, and this time the flick. At the center of the action, of course, never lets Jacob forget that his stupidity was the the fairest,” “happily ever after,” “mirror, mir- for the world of emo. are the Brothers Grimm — two con-artists who cause. It is tempting to see irony in the fact that ror,” “my, what big …,” etc, keep the spirit ✦ earn a living by “vanquishing” the nonexistent the two go on to become con-artists (like the of the fairy tale alive. Also, factuality may be See ‘PLANS’ page 12 monsters that plague the superstitious minds of bean man), as if they canʼt escape the trade that stretched a bit, and some of Charles Perraultʼs 18th-century German peasants. Historical accu- brought about their own personal tragedy. and Hans Christian Andersonʼs fairy tales may ✦ ‘Illinois’ states Stevens’ talent racy is not the aim here. The tale takes place in French-occupied have been borrowed as well. Whoopsie. Also, Though usually more serious actors, Heath Germany, and all stereotypes are milked dry. the mystery is in the forest — it is there where BY STEVE WEISBERG Ledger and Matt Damon perform their parts The French are decadent pigs who would sooner reality blurs and one is left with his naked self. THE FLAT HAT well. The script is not overly clever, and the shoot than touch a filthy German. The Germans Only by crossing this threshold and facing action moves too quickly to allow for any real are lusty, superstitious people who skin rabbits the horrors within can the characters triumph. If I had to describe songwriter Sufjan Stevensʼ most recent character development, but itʼs enter- with their bare hands and make blood sausage The only way to fix Marbaden is to call on the release, “Illinois,” using just one word, I would choose poetic. taining in a disturbed sort of way. for their guests. The most erratic, upsetting Brothers Grimm. From the flowing, lilting melodies to the orchestral harmonies, breaks and backgrounds, “Illinois” paints a portrait of the land- scape of time, events, people and places of the state of Illinois. Echoic, drawl- ing slurs of rhythm weave their way into the subtle retelling of the history of the 21st state of the Union. Sufjanʼs magi- cal, airy voice hovers in the tonal aero- sphere while everything COURTESY ✦ ASTHMATIC KITTY from banjos, cellos, guitars and flutes saturate the sound waves. This lush production, replete with horn sections, feeds into the grandeur of the album. Circular chord progressions, such as those in “Chicago” and “Tallest Man, the Broadest Shoulders: The Great Frontier/ Come to Me Only,”

See ‘ILLINOIS’ ✦ page 12

✦ ‘Late’ avoids sophomore slump

BY NATHAN HIPPLE THE FLAT HAT

Kanye West began his rise to stardom by producing a number of tracks on Jay-Zʼs classic album “The Blueprint.” More recently, West is responsible for bringing rapper Common and crooner John Legend to the mainstream market on his record label Getting Out Our Dreams (GOOD). When West dropped his fi rst album “The College Dropout,” the expectations were through the roof, and he met every last one. After such a phenomenal debut album, expectations were even higher for his s o p h o m o r e release “Late Registration.” COURTESY ✦ ROC-A-FELLA Luckily for Kanye West fans, he does not disappoint. While “Late Registration” does not blow listeners away in the same way “College Dropout” did, it shows incredible depth both from a production standpoint and lyrically that his debut effort did not.

See ‘LATE’ ✦ page 12 COURTESY PHOTO ✦ DIMENSION FILMS Heath Ledger (LEFT) and Matt Damon play Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm respectively in director Terry Gilliamʼs take on the famous childrensʼ tales. Truly high art provides viewer with myriad visual, auditory delights

As you read this, I may well be tripping uppers too; who does coke and sits through a “Franny & Zooey” with a higher THC content comedies when they smoke. “Super Troopers” my ass off. My pupils will be dilated beyond movie? Hallucinogens, however, particularly than the last time you saw it is an experience ainʼt super at all, and “Half Baked” was at the level of any mere sexual arousal, my loud the common and mild reefer, can reveal visual worth about, oh, I donʼt know, 50 an eighth if best a quarter conceived. You canʼt go wrong laugh will reverberate off the patented pat- motifs, editing masterstrokes or pure majesty itʼs decent shit. For an initial reading though, with a classic like “Airplane!” and I have CRITICAL tern of Old Campus bricks and my tummy in poetry or prose invisible to the unaided, good writers deserve clear heads. The first personally witnessed “Team America” reduce CONDITION will probably hurt. Or I could be in jail. We non-bloodshot eye. The medium of film in time I read “The Corrections” I felt like I was stoners (one aged 16, another 58) to tears with here in The Flat Hat Reviews section are all particular goes really well with pot, and you high anyway. Franzenʼs language is such a laughter. But neither the ZAZ, the Parker/ about sharing recommendations, and I donʼt can quote me on that. But each in their turn. rush. Now I get the worldʼs most sincere and Stone oeuvres, nor indeed those of any other recommend drugs to strangers. If, however, General rule for music: if you like it snobby munchies to descriptions of Denise troupe, are quite as in tune to oneʼs buzzed as responsible, well-informed, newly-minted straight, youʼll love it stoned. Kelly Clarkson, Lambertʼs cooking. Hell, you could even pick sensibilities as peak-performance Cohen adults you choose to harm your body in ways Tool, Squirrel Nut Zippers, whatever — itʼs up a Flat Hat if the mood strikes you. brothers. “Raising Arizona” may be the funni- that make it feel really fun for a few hours, like sprinkling green sugar on your favor- Movies have a more complicated standard. est movie to watch shroominʼ or smokinʼ ever I have some artistic-minded recommenda- ite brownie of sound. I am living proof that Think of it like this: bad movies get worse, and, unlike its roach-puffing protagonist, “The tions for you. Welcome to Entertainment for meeting Mary Jane does not turn one into a good movies get better and certain good mov- Big Lebowski” is no slouch either. Druggies. reggae or trip-hop fan; Bob Marleyʼs death ies suddenly blow your mind and swallow. It The Trippy school is more for those who To begin, alcohol is not a drug in the aes- was in vain if you ask me. Lean toward the was only stumbling upon “Spider-Man” late like a little sensuous workout with their poi- Tristan thetic sense of the word. I know, I know, you transcendent, whatever that means for you (for one night on HBO that I fully realized just sons, and “Run Lola Run” has the power to Lejeune got wasted to the new Audioslave and rocked me it means Jeff Buckley, “The Blue Album” what a shoddy mix of lousy biology, worse keep your heart rate up for 80 motionless out hardcore. Watching movies drunk can be and the best of fast-paced pop), and youʼll be psychology and simply awful dialogue it was. minutes, if youʼre so inclined. Anyone who fun, reading books drunk can be fun — but good. The pieces of cinema which most benefit from watches “Requiem for a Dream” or “Spun” the difference adds nothing and depressants The rule for literature is just as simple an altered state generally fall into two catego- while high is deeply missing the point. For an by definition slow your ability to take in and — read it sober first. Returning to a favorite ries, the Funny and the Trippy. See HIGH ✦ page 12 process things. Youʼre on your own with the Christina Rossetti sonnet or passage from Nine out of every 10 potheads enjoy lame Reviews UZZ B EVIEWS ✦ 12 R September 2, 2005

. Hollywood Gossip

Spears fi ghts 13 year-old Crowe angry Pregnant pop star Britney Spears Very angry movie star Russell practiced her white trash mothering Crowe recently chose celebrities with a skills this week by making someone cause as his latest target. The “Beautiful nearly half her age cry. The “Oops” Mind” star downed cause celebs like U2 celeb, concerned that little sis Jamie frontman Bono when he commented on Lynn was fighting with “Zoey 101” co- the tendency of big name activists to HIGH NOTES star Alexa Nikolas, apparently sat down make themselves into public martyrs; Elevator Nikolas and gave her a stern “talking to” Crowe claims that he frequently (and — Hot Hot Heat about the conflict. Although Brit claims very privately) donates to a number of to have been civil about the ordeal, charities. If you a disagree with him, Hot Hot Heat follows up 2002ʼs messy, unscrupulously catchy “Make witnesses claim that Nikolas was left he will donate a phone to your head Up The Breakdown” with a record full of 14 equally head-bopping, toe- sobbing and totally upset, much like on next weekʼs ep of “Russel Crowe tapping tracks. More polished than “Breakdown” (if a little less inspired), Britneyʼs former fans. Fightinʼ Around the World.” songs like “Goodnight, Goodnight” donʼt miss a single frantic beat. — compiled by kyle meikle Carey spotted with Murphy Downey, Jr. weds Levin All right, so either Eddie Murphy “Wonder Boys” star Robert Downey, BILLBOARD TOP 10 SINGLES is one hell of a charmer, or Mariah Jr. stayed out of rehab long enough to Carey (of former nervous breakdowns get married in New York last weekend 1. We Belong Together — Mariah Carey and current chart-topping fame) reee- to girlfriend Susan Levin. Downey, Jr. 2. Donʼt Cha — The Pussycat Dolls featuring Busta Rhymes ally digs “Shrek.” The not-so-unlike- and Levin, a film producer, exchanged 3. Pon De Replay — Rihanna ly-when-you-think-about-it duo were vows in Long Island town Amagansett 4. Shake It Off — Mariah Carey seen out and about at a Miami night- Aug. 27 in front of a small crowd of 5. Let Me Hold You — Bow Wow featuring Omarion club recently, where Carey was attend- friends and family. Keanu Reeves, Billy 6. Lose Control — Missy Elliot featuring Ciara and Fat Man Scoop ing the MTV Video Music Awards. Joel and Sting were among those who 7. You And Me — Lifehouse Murphy is currently estranged from attended; no word on whether Joel and 8. Behind These Hazel Eyes — Kelly Clarkson wife Nicole, who filed for divorce the groom shared a celebratory drink 9. Like You — Bow Wow featuring Ciara from the “Dr. Dolittle” actor earlier or not. 10. Listen To Your Heart — D.H.T. this month. — compiled by kyle meikle

mouth, nose or vein is nobodyʼs came out in 1999 to receive criti- record sales, but this time lacking it wonʼt be the pop culture fucks HIGH business but your own, but I for ‘PLANS’ cal acclaim, and rightfully so. Their the quality to back it up. Basically, listening to this crap who do it, but FROM PAGE 11 one would feel remiss if I couldnʼt FROM PAGE 11 dreamy, airy, melodic arrangements “Transatlanticism” capitalized on we music lovers who cover our ears give entertainment advice for as offer more than your average pop the explosion of emo, moving away and say a prayer. Lord, they know unforgettable look-they-do-drugs- many mental and physical condi- Ostensibly, this is a review of song, and Ben Gibbardʼs pleasantly from their indie fan base and com- not what they do. too experience go to “The Rules tions as possible. Dark and stormy the new Death Cab for Cutie album, neurotic lyrics and vocal twinge give parisons to the genreʼs greats like “Plans” is certainly not the worst of Attraction.” If its college-aged, night? I know some great scary “Plans.” I will get to that in more the listener something to which they Built to Spill, toward the low-carb album of the year. That said, it is drug-fueled nihilistic hedonism books. Feeling depressed? I have detail shortly, but first I must set can relate. With their second and music society of Yellowcard and a microcosm of emo from a band doesnʼt make it the best stoned CDs that will help you through. up the situation for you: eight years third releases, Death Cab became New Found Glory. Diehard fans whose descent into the genre mim- viewing around, then its amaz- On your 10th bong rip? Hell yeah ago, a baby-faced, naive boy from a little more musically adventur- died hard and the bandʼs base grew. ics every other band these days. The ing soundtrack and gasp-inducing man, Iʼve got something you gotta the small town of Bellingham, WA ous and certainly became a tighter Popularity spurred Gibbardʼs solo once melodic tunes for which Death visual and auditory parlor tricks see … put out a solo demo tape under the unit as a result of more experience spirit to create a spinoff. Cab was known so well are lost, will. Donʼt even bother watching Tristan Lejeune is a Flat Hat name Death Cab for Cutie. Word playing together. They became con- Yes, “Plans” marks Death Cabʼs their material now comparable to the it straight. Staff Writer. We are not responsible got around, so he put together a full- fident, which lead to beauties such first major label release, and like likes of Dashboard Confessional and Whether or not you choose for his extracurricular activities, time band. Their first major release, as “Lowell, MA” from 2000ʼs “We other sellouts before them they Unwritten Law. Songs such as the to put illicit substances in your nor do we know where he lives. “Something About Airplanes,” Have the Facts and Weʼre Voting watered down their music to become emotionless “I Will Follow You Into Yes” and “Movie Script Ending” as inoffensive as possible. Emo, no the Dark” doesnʼt exhibit much of from 2001ʼs “Photo Album.” That longer synonymous with the under- anything to note. So if youʼre look- was their stride, and those albums ground, has surfaced like a dead ing for a good Death Cab album, are worth owning. Then something fish. Henceforth, we are delivered steer clear, a good emo album, happened. Case in point: 2003ʼs “Hot Fuss,” led by the cringeful shy away. However, if you loved “Transatlanticism.” “Mr. Brightside.” It seems the music Coldplayʼs “X&Y” and generally “Transatlanticism” garnered industry actually wants its listeners like to forget that youʼre listening to both critical acclaim and high to slit their wrists. Funny thing is, anything, this oneʼs for you.

overview of Illinois. The Dewey Day Parade, the ‘ILLINOIS’ larger-than-life statue of Superman from Metropolis, FROM PAGE 11 the Palisades, the Chicago fire and the Black Hawk War are also incorporated. give us a winding tour of Illinois, and beyond, as Despite the significant amount of attention direct- Stevens sings in “Chicago.” ed at the state history of Illinois, Stevens allows his Illinois is the second state covered by Stevens Christian beliefs to shine through. His touching, in his magnanimous 50 states project. Stevensʼ even merciful portrayal of serial killer John Wayne goal is to produce one album for all 50 states. If Gacy, Jr. in the song of same name and the reiterated his efforts in future endeavors match “Illinois” and refrain of “Chicago” — “all things go to the creator” his earlier work, “Greetings from Michigan: The — demonstrate a distinctively Christian outlook. In Great Lakes State,” the potential for musical growth an interview with Pitchfork Media, Stevens admits and development is immeasurable. One criticism the prejudice against Christian rock, but adds that of the project thus far is the noticeable similarities “the criticism is often just against the aesthetic, the between the first two statesʼ albums. Perhaps this artistry, the lack of substance in a lot of Christian is because these two are relatively similar Midwest pop music.” Stevensʼ more substantial lyrics and states, or possibly due to Stevensʼ familiarity with instrumentation defy this trend. Illinois and Michigan in particular. Stevens, being In fact, musically, “Illinois” is Stevensʼ most from Michigan, spent much of his childhood in both complex album to date. The deeply-layered har- locations. monies and orchestration decorate the rich, full In scope, the album includes a surprisingly production. One of his more intricate songs, “The detailed look at the Prairie State. Covering relatively Black Hawk War,” features twittering flutes, sharp small towns such as Metropolis and Jacksonville as snare drums, melodic trumpets and backing vocals well as larger ones like Decatur and Chicago, Sufjan to create an immense landscape of war, death and Stevens highlights Illinoisʼ uniqueness. Poet Carl the natural world. Sandburg, serial killer John Wayne Gacy, Jr., former Stevensʼ composition, “Illinois,” is a power- Senator Stephen A. Douglas and former President ful piece of epic poetry, written in the language of Abraham Lincoln all make up just a part of Stevensʼ music.

intricate wordplay. He rhymes about the movie “Diamonds are Forever.” ‘LATE’ everything from your typical rap “Late Registration” features a FROM PAGE 11 fare to American political issues. more mainstream collage of guest For someone whose lyrics were spots than Westʼs debut effort. These Westʼs fi rst single off the album, often immature and playful on his appearances tend to contribute to the “Diamonds from Sierra Leone,” debut, West shows incredible depth albumʼs coherency rather than take served to raise the hype for the here. away from it (as is often the case album to astronomical levels. What Yet another concern with a with guest spots). Moreover, how may strike fans as odd (and slightly sophomore release is the beats. many albums can brag they contain alarming) is the fact that this single West is, after all, a producer, so both rapper CamʼRon and Adam — arguably the best of his career to fans have nothing to fear here. The Levine, lead singer of Maroon 5? date — is only included on the album beats are not as instantly accessible Pointless skits and some awkward as a bonus track. Even stranger is as those on “The College Dropout,” mixing aside, “Late Registration” is the fact that the remix of this song is but they show a depth that reveals an album that lives up to the hype. included in the normal track listing. itself on multiple listens. This is Featuring killer guest spots from Aside from those minor due, in part, to live instrumentation Jay-Z and Common, top-notch annoyances, the album itself is and contributions from pop/rock production and clever rhyming, this incredibly strong for a sophomore producer Jon Brion: a surprising album meets all expectations head- release, especially when it is combination, but one that works on. Strong tracks such as “Touch the surrounded by so much expectation quite well. The samples used on this Sky,” “Roses” and “Diamonds from to duplicate the success of album contribute to the overall feel, Sierra Leone” blaze a trail, making “Dropout.” West has matured as an ranging from “My Funny Valentine” “Late Registration” a necessity for MC and a poet on this album, all by Etta James to “I Got A Woman” anyone whoʼs ever enjoyed rap the while maintaining his love of by Ray Charles to the title track from music. September 2, 2005 Page 13 The Rec Center pool [email protected] undergoes ‘renovations.’ SPORTS See SWIMMING, page 15. Field hockey squelches Ball State

BY JOE KANE Once again, this was primarily due to not only the Tribeʼs offense, but also THE FLAT HAT its defense. “Our defense is the most talented and experienced group weʼve had in This past weekend womenʼs field hockey hosted Ball State University ages. They were absolutely stellar in the Penn State game,” Head Coach Peel and Pennsylvania State University at home to begin their regular season of Hawthorne said. All positions of the offense and defense, Hawthorne added, play. The Tribe disposed of Ball State with relative ease Saturday 4-1 but lost “have brought a lot of talent to the table.” a hard-fought endurance contest against Penn State Sunday 0-1. Nonetheless, the Lions seemed to possess many of those strengths as The Tribe has not lost a home-opener since well. The ball moved up and down the field, only to be blocked 22 times by Look ahead 1997 and was set on extending that streak against both goalkeepers, including 11 (a career-high) by the Tribeʼs own sophomore Ball State. Two goals early on, the first by sopho- goal keeper Gwen Hunter, who played the entire game. After 100 scoreless Who: more defender Laura Kastelic and the second by minutes, including regulation and two 15-minute overtime periods, the teams University junior forward Gina Cimarelli, gave the Tribe entered a rare penalty strokeoff series to determine the winner. In this best- of North a comfortable lead and set the tone for the rest of-five series, where each team selects a different player for every shot, both Carolina-Chapel Hill of the game. Solid defense held the visiting teams were still tied after two shots, until Penn State scored two in a row and Date: Tomorrow Cardinals to only one goal, earned after 59 min- the Tribe missed two. Where: utes of play, and the persistent offense out-shot “The game against Penn State was mentally exhausting for me, and Iʼm Busch Field them 23-2. Leading the way was sophomore sure the other keeper. The hardest part of playing such a tough team was Time: midfielder Jessica Kacerek, who had two assists keeping focused, especially in overtime periods,” Hunter said. 1 p.m. and scored the first goal of her career. It was a hard loss, but the game against Penn State also demon- “We worked extremely hard this past spring strated the progress made and the potential exhibited by the team as and preseason, and our hard work was definitely a whole in such an early stage of the season. Currently, it stands at a displayed in this weekendʼs play,” Kacerek said. record of 1-1. When the team laced up their cleats for the second game against Penn “Certainly, we have a bitter taste from Sundayʼs finish, but there State, they had no idea exactly how much hard work would have to be were a lot of sweet things that happened … we dominated, we were displayed. In the sunny and humid weather, the Tribe entered the game with smart, the passing was excellent … at times I think we were a little IRENE ROJAS ✦ THE FLAT HAT an air of confidence from the previous day, ready to square off against the unlucky,” Hawthorne said. A Tribe player defends the goal against an attacking Blue Devil. Nittany Lions. As soon as the game started, however, both sides were locked Lady luck will need to be on the Tribeʼs side tomorrow at home as it takes even. Every time the Lions pounced, the Tribe was ready to strike back. on perennial powerhouse University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. Tribe soccer holds Devils to 1-1 tie

BY MARK JOHNSON THE FLAT HAT

The womenʼs soccer team held out for a 1-1 tie in a stretched-out battle against Duke University. Both goals were scored in the first half, with Dukeʼs Caroyln Riggs scoring the first goal. A deflected shot by sophomore midfielder Tiffany Chudoba was Look ahead put back in by sophomore midfielder Mary Mackenzie Grier soon after Dukeʼs initial goal Who: to tie the score. The first half was largely defen- Clemson sive for the Tribe; the team took only two shots University compared to the Blue Devilsʼ 11. Date: Duke was ranked eighth coming into the Today ALLIE VEINOTE ✦ THE FLAT HAT Where: game. Despite this intimidating statistic, the The Tribe womenʼs fi eld hockey team faces off against their opponents, Ball State, whom they handily defeated last Saturday. Albert-Daly Field Tribe did not give in easily, feeling that they Time: could beat the odds. 7 p.m. “We were being bombarded,” senior goal- keeper Kathleen Belk said. The high shot count Volleyball forces Pirates to walk plank by the Blue Devils put a lot of pressure on the defense and goalkeeper throughout the game. It also urged the offense to BY ANDREW PIKE Debbie King said. “Nothingʼs ever perfect. We learned a lot from put the Tribe on the scoreboard. THE FLAT HAT [Winthrop].” “I was ... very pleased that we came back and scored after Duke scored Nevertheless, W&M is upbeat about the upcoming season. first, because itʼs easy ... to put your head down after that,” senior captain The womenʼs volleyball team captured its first victory of the Predicted to finish fifth in the Colonial Athletic Association, the and midfielder Lydia Sturgis said. season in a five-game thriller against the East Carolina University Tribe has set their sights a little higher. At the start of the second half, the Tribe held a defensive formation, Pirates. The teams traded games as the Tribe took the first (30-21) “Weʼre very optimistic and excited. We think we have a legiti- ready for more attacks from Duke, but the Tribe dominated the second and third (30-25), and ECU took the second (27-30) and fourth (28- mate chance at the championship,” Hill said. half with four shots on goal compared to Dukeʼs one. Though a little 30). The Tribe used a 5-2 run in the fifth Experience is the driving force behind the optimism and enthu- shaky on the transitions, the Tribeʼs offensive prowess kicked in, and Look ahead game to win the game 15-12 and to clinch siasm for this season. The Tribe has 13 returning players, seven of they deftly outmaneuvered the Blue Devil defense on many occasions. the match. whom are seniors. Though the Tribe had more attempts on goal in the second half, luck Who: “Long matches like that are so much This year marks the largest senior class in Tribe volleyball his- wasnʼt with them. Fortunately, the Blue Devils were having just as Fresno more of a reward to win,” junior setter tory. The last time Coach Hill had close to that many seniors was much trouble capitalizing on opportunities. State Natalie King said. “At the time I wouldnʼt 2001, when six seniors spearheaded the team to its eighth CAA Head Coach John Daly made frequent use of the depth of his team Date: say that I was tired because of all the championship and first NCAA appearance. on the bench. Numerous substitutions allowed the Tribe to remain Today Where: adrenaline, but it definitely took a toll on “With so many returning players, team cohesiveness and chem- refreshed and fast on the field and to keep up the pressure on Duke. San Fransisco, Ca. my body once the excitement died down.” istry was never an issue,” Coach King said. “We all get along great The Blue Devils, however, were adept at maintaining their own pace Time: Kingʼs adrenaline produced 52 assists, and are familiar with othersʼ styles of play, strengths and weak- through the game. Long passes and a wide spread across the field 1 p.m. sparking the Tribeʼs offense. The team nesses.” allowed them to cope with the Tribeʼs constant pressure. combined for 70 kills, 16 of which came The Tribe returns one of the CAAʼs top defensive players in As the second half began to wane, the Tribeʼs field play showed signs from senior right side hitter Kate Woffindin. senior libero/defensive specialist Erin Simmons, who set a single- of wear. A general lack of aggression and a lag in the time taken to return Three other players — senior outside hitter Mandy Mayo, senior season school record of 423 digs last year. Offensively, W&M has to position by the Tribe allowed Duke to gain some control over the field. middle blocker and co-captain Carly Huffman and junior outside hitter three senior middle blockers returning: Megan Eisenman, Caitlin The team continued to fight, and though they returned to a defensive Sarah Long — recorded double figures in kills. W&M also recorded Geraghty and Huffman. Eisenman led the team in virtually every formation, they pushed hard on the occasional offensive opportunity or 14.5 total team blocks compared to ECUʼs four. offensive category and was named second team all-CAA as well as breakaway. “Our number of blocks in particular was a strong point,” King said. being an all-state selection last season. Geraghty and Huffman were At the end of the second half, with the scoreboard still reading 1-1, a “Passing wasnʼt as good this match as it was with Winthrop, but we the 2004 teamʼs most formidable blockers as they finished first and group of young kids cheering the Tribe could be heard over the otherwise performed better in almost every other statistical category.” third in the CAA in blocks per game average. scattered crowd. The Tribe exhibited strong offensive production against ECU a “We have a mature team and a lot of ability. Weʼre really looking “Itʼs always nice to have crowd support, especially when the crowd is day after committing errors against the Winthrop University Eagles forward to the season,” Hill said. yelling and behind you, but we were able to focus and motivate ourselves, in a three-game loss. The Tribeʼs hitting percentage was .062 in the The Tribe continues its season as it travels to San Francisco which, I think, is a testament to our teamʼs character,” Sturgis said. Winthrop match. to compete in the Coca Cola/C2 Golden Gate Classic today and As an out-of-conference game, the overtime format consisted of two “We have some work to do in cutting down errors,” Head Coach tomorrow. 10-minute periods that passed without a change in result, leaving the score at 1-1 for the final tally. French press too eager to burn Armstrong in silly witch hunt Forget the fact that he won seven straight 1999 Tour de France, Armstrongʼs first win in a period of time. He kept winning with consistency the tests were done for scientific purposes and had Tour de France races. Forget the fact that he streak of seven. on cyclingʼs biggest stage. He kept defeating com- little legal value since only one sample was taken. defeated cancer. Lance Armstrong is now a part of In light of LʼEquipeʼs contention, Armstrongʼs petitors like Jan Ullrich year after year and, most Every time the witch hunt comes, Armstrong the steroids witch hunt. This is not the first accusa- firm stance that he has never taken performance- important of all, he left everyone else in the dust defeats it. He has passed drug test after drug test FROM THE tion either. French cycling officials took his urine enhancing drugs looks weak. But can we convict in the Alps, the most difficult part of the race. Did and continues to maintain his innocence. Still, the SIDELINES samples during previous races, and his assistants the man for six year-old frozen samples, and how a man who looks so heroic on the outside take new allegations are hard to brush aside. I am forc- claimed that they disposed of his used syringes. do we know they were his? performance-enhancing drugs to help him get to ing myself to believe Armstrong mainly because I Armstrong, however, passed every single drug Unfortunately, it seems that no French official the plateau where he rests today? admire him for all the hardship he overcame and test he has ever taken. So why does the media wants to stand up for Armstrong. It doesnʼt bode USA Cycling has backed Armstrong, and they the consistent dominance he showed the world. continue to go after him? well for his reputation that the Tour de Franceʼs believe the report is trash. When you like a guy, it is hard to criticize him. The most recent scandal was reported in the director, Jean-Marie Leblanc, agreed with the “To me, this is an issue for the French people. Then again, I forced myself to believe Baltimore French tabloid paper, LʼEquipe. They claim that newspaper report and remarked that it was very They seemed very concerned about it, and frankly Oriolesʼ first baseman Rafael Palmeiro, and now a test of a 1999 B sample of Armstrongʼs urine credible. It is also ominous when the French I donʼt care what they think. And I donʼt think we all know he lied under oath before Congress revealed evidence of the drug EPO (erythropoi- sports minister, Jean-Francois Lamour supports Lance does either,” Steve Johnson of USA Cycling about using steroids. etin). EPO raises the number of red blood cells in that opinion. Maybe the French are a tad bit upset said. According to Johnson, there are certain rights I will not be shocked if the rumor is true. I will Carl the body, helping out with endurance during races. that a native son hasnʼt won in so long? Or is this and procedures to identify the people who are be upset to know that a man who put so much of Siegmund B samples are the second of two samples used in just a scheme to sell more newspapers? Or both? involved in using steroids. None were followed his time and energy into fighting cancer and help- performance enhancers. The B samples had an Quite frankly, it boils down to a few things. by LʼEquipe, and officials from the French sports ing others is a fake. For now, those who consider ID number that LʼEquipe claims can be matched Armstrong has dominated the Tour for seven ministry and the Tour de France agreed with this him a hero are holding out hope. to Armstrong. The report goes on to state that the years. Unlike some athletes who dope, there was statement. Yet they still believe Armstrong took Carl Siegmund is the sports columnist for The drug showed up in his blood six times during the no suspicious spike in his performance over this steroids. Laboratory officials also conceded that Flat Hat. Say it ainʼt so, Lance, say it ainʼt so. DID YOU KNOW ... ? With the exception of cross-country skiing, run- ning burns more calories per minute than any other form of cardiovascular exercise. Sports ACKET — RUNNING.ABOUT.COM 14 R SPORTS ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 Team Blitz Life Sports: Get Involved Sports — compiled by matthew a. nolan Calendar Practice for Team Blitz is getting harder to schedule. “Last fall it was easy,” Bert Jacoby, ʼ05, said. Sept. 3 to Sept. 9 “Now we have less flexibility.” As more talent flocks to the hottest non-var- — compiled by louis malick sity running team on campus, this minor sched- uling difficulty is good news for this student- Saturday organized cadre of runners; Team Blitz is getting bigger and faster. ✦ Hereʼs a double opportunity for Tribe pride. Womenʼs field hockey When formed in the fall of 2002, Team Blitz takes on the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill on Busch Field only had two members: Jacoby and his roommate at 1 p.m., and menʼs soccer plays St. Josephʼs University on Albert- from freshman year, Ryan Stevens, ʼ05. These Daly Field at 7 p.m. two sophomores, both accomplished athletes in high school, separated from the W&M cross country team for injuries or other reasons but Sunday were dissatisfied. ✦ A great Sunday afternoon activity would be watching womenʼs “I just wanted to keep running,” Stevens soccer battle Dartmouth College on Albert-Daly Field at 3 p.m. said. Team Blitz was born, competing fall 2002 in the Tribe 8k Open and spring 2003 in the COURTESY PHOTO ✦ TEAM BLITZ Monday Anheuser-Busch Colonial Half Marathon. According to the Team Blitz web site, the events, including the Colonial Half Marathon, us,” he said, though he added that previous expe- ✦ The sports calendar would not be complete without a reference to next two years were marked with irregularity in which has become their benchmark race. Yet the rience in distance running is a must. the much beloved badminton club. Practice is 9:15 to 10:45 p.m. in participation as the team grew. However, the fall real feature of the team isnʼt in its accolades. The The standard is under 18 minutes in the 5k Adair Gymnasium. of 2004 showed a boom in membership, a kind team is made of close-knit friends focused on and under five minutes in the mile, which is still of “Golden Age” as several more members of their practice with their sights on competition. slow for the team. According to the Team Blitz Tuesday the Tribe cross country and track teams left their “A bunch of individual drives form a team website, many teammates have mile times under respective programs and joined up. … we have a real commitment to compete,” 4:30 and 5k times inside 16 minutes. One would ✦ Try something new; join the kendo club for their third practice of the “The NCAA isnʼt for everybody,” Jacoby Stevens said. Even though Jacoby and Stevens also need to keep up with the average 6:20 mile year in Adair Gymnasium, 7 to 9 p.m. said. “We experience success in our own way.” are the founding members, they donʼt consider pace, up to 70 miles per week. There are now 11 names listed on the teamʼs themselves captains. “We try not to scare people off, but we donʼt roster. “Everyone looks up to each other,” Stevens want anyone to get hurt,” Jacoby said. “[We Wednesday Team Blitz boasts an impressive record said. want] someone whoʼs willing to come out every over the past three years. They swept the 2005 When asked what kind of experience is neces- day.” ✦ If you prefer more refined athletic activities, check out the ball- Shamrock Marathon held in Virginia Beach and sary for membership, Jacoby was generous. When asked about the coming season, Stevens room dance club. Practice is in the University Centersʼs Chesapeake have placed runners in the top 10 in various “We welcome people to come and run with replied, “Itʼs going to be amazing.” A ballroom from 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. Thursday

✦ Beat the heat by taking advantage of the Recreation Centerʼs pool … if you can find it, that is. Thursday hours are 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. and 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. Friday

✦ A true Tribe fan would finish off the week by watching womenʼs volleyball play Elon University in W&M Hall at 2 p.m.

COURTESY PHOTO ✦ TEAM BLITZ BOX SCORES All: Members of Team Blitz, a student-led competitive running team, race in the March 2005 Football Colonial Half Marathon. Even though Team Blitz is open to all students, participants must be Marshall University L 24-36 Sept. 1 COURTESY PHOTO ✦ TEAM BLITZ prepared for a tough workout.

— by james damon Coming soon on Running: another look WCWM: This asphalt feels pretty nice News, Sports and today; it must be new. Or maybe Variety updates from I never ran this way before. Hey, The Flat Hat. thereʼs someone else jogging toward me, and sheʼs cute. Why didnʼt she wave back? I know I waved at her and her ador- able little black dog. Is there something wrong with me? Am I sweating too much again? I knew I should have put on more Aqua Velva deodorant before I left. I am going to stink like a freaking chicken nugget when I get back, and my roommate is going to be all like, “Where were you?” and I am going to be all like, “Shut up — I donʼt smell like a chicken nugget. You suck.” What a jerk, but at least I look good — nice open stride, not too much of a bounce, straight back. Yeah, run- ning doesnʼt get any better than this. Too bad I donʼt have some Chinoʼs right now with the … oh, what the heck is that dipping sauce called? It made my breath smell pretty rank last time, but that spiderweb is in my hair. I think I just ate a spider. Sweet Joan Benoit Samuelson. I can feel it creeping down my throat like a little razor blade. What if it climbs from my throat into my nasal cavity and then into my head and then lays little eggs and I have to go to the hospital to get my brain exterminated and Iʼll probably end up missing class and failing microeconomics? I hope my roommate gets a care about the wicked witch. The only witch I care spiderʼs nest in his head because then I would have about is the Chipwich Iʼve got waiting for me in the the entire room to feng shui to my liking. Whoa, I freezer, which my roommate filled with his stuff. almost tripped over that rock. Anyway, note to self: He is taking up way too much space. He is so get- consider using spiders instead of scorpions for opera- ting spidered. But, in the meantime, the traction on tion feng shui. Wait a minute, I have been running this yellow brick road is incredible. Is this Astroturf? for awhile now, where the heck am I? Since when How does my form look? Nice stride, not too much did the campus contain a pastel colored village full bounce, oh yeah, I think Iʼve got a couple more of jovial little people? No, I am not Dorothy, and I miles in me. If only I had some Chinoʼs … have no idea what a lollipop guild is. And I donʼt James Damon is a freshman at the College. SPORTS ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 15 Swimming, diving team faces facility setbacks

Part I of an investigative series into the world of W&M sports

BY MADELINE WOLFERT Sports designed a new facility and a way to keep ment of a swimming coach, as much took THE FLAT HAT it open, despite construction, during the 2005 to place during a period of changes in the coach- 2006 academic year. Most current features are ing staff. When renovations on the Recreational Center temporary; by August 2006, the Rec Center will “Some things are happening now that began in May 2005, Recreational Sports decided reopen, brand-new, with everything improved we werenʼt expecting,” Head Coach McGee to phase in the construction and keep part of the and in its rightful place. Moody said. Moody is now in his first season building open for students. Until next August, however, the campus must as director of swimming at W&M. “Rec Sports made the commitment to offer adjust to a facility undergoing renovations. Two windows in the pool area are now every single activity that we offered last year,” “This year is going to be difficult for every- bricked over, and the menʼs locker room lost Director Linda Knight said, although that meant body. Weʼre down to half the building that we showers and space. Moody said he also recog- that the project would take a little longer and used to have,” Knight said. nized some ongoing issues, such as the lack of cost a little more. The W&M swimming and diving team, which permanent seating and diving facilities at the Through consultation with a group of W&M utilizes the Rec Center as its main facility, is just Rec Center. For example, the W&M diving students, as well as the two architectural firms one group affected by the construction. team must compete in Adair Gymnasium. working on the project, Hastings and Chivetta, Much of the renovation design process pro- Two windows, which were not glass but Architects, Inc. and Moseley Architects, Rec gressed without the consultation or involve- still provided light to the pool area, were bricked over permanently in order to build the rest of the building; by Virginia standards, two walls need to be solid. However, the loss of these windows presents the positive opportu- nity to use the space differently. For example, a record board with team statistics can now replace the spot previously occupied by the windows. Representatives from Rec Sports also say they intend to replace light fixtures by next summer. “With the positive attitude [the team mem- bers have] taken, it doesnʼt matter what kind of environment they have; theyʼll continue to be successful,” Moody said. JONATHAN SEIDEN ✦ THE FLAT HAT The menʼs locker room situation is more All: The swimming facilities have undergone an extensive downgrade difficult to remedy. Before the renovations because of the recent renovations for the Recreation Center. began last year, Rec Sports presented the var- sity swim team with two choices. They could knock a hole through the menʼs locker room to create a walkway, losing several showers in the process, or they could direct the walk- way through the pool deck. The team agreed to the former, preferring the use of only half the showers to a constant stream of people through the pool deck, creating distractions during practices and meets. The renovation designs include a plan to restore the showers by next August and revamp the entire locker room by replacing the floor and its other facilities. Until then, however, the team must cope with fewer showers and less space. Although the menʼs locker room situation is only temporary, Coach Moody considered it a significant inconvenience. Since the locker room is open to all male W&M students, “there could be a situation where up to 45 [to] 50 people all need to use four showers,” Moody said. Knight expressed doubt at the likelihood of incorporating diving facilities at the Rec Center, as the pool is not deep enough and would require complete renovation. Although certainly a future possibility that the Rec Center supports, the addition of permanent seating also presents a financial challenge. As the coaching staff continue to work with Rec Sports on a daily basis, they appreciate the effort put forth to maintain the Rec Center facility for this year, recognizing that the pool could have been shut down completely. However, coach Moody voiced his concern that other conference teams employ upgraded resources, but he hopes to continue working with Rec Center to improve facilities. “Until that day comes,” Moody said, “weʼre JONATHAN SEIDEN ✦ THE FLAT HAT going to work with what weʼve got.” JONATHAN SEIDEN ✦ THE FLAT HAT

The Collegeʼs oldest newspaper Do you enjoy working in freezing condi- is seeking talented, enthusiastic students tions with life-threatening equipment to embark on a bright journey of and quirky neighbors for long hours opportunity in the publishing world. with little pay? (So do we) The Flat Hat needs: The Sports Section needs: Business & Advertising Representatives Online Production Assistants A warm body to perform mostly non-strenuous labor Wednesday nights. Dedicated Delivery Personnel “Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.” If you would like to contribute to our public-minded mission, Donʼt be a coward. Fight the good fight. Work for sports. please e-mail [email protected] or come to our offices in the Campus Center basement Sunday evenings at 5:30 p.m. E-mail [email protected]. 16 NEWS ✦ SEPTEMBER 2, 2005 COMMENCEMENT AND CONVOCATION 2005

ALL PHOTOS BY ALLIE VEINOTE AND LAUREN BRYANT ✦ THE FLAT HAT President Sullivan, in his fi nal Commencement at the Civil Rights pioneer and U.S. Rep. John Lewis challenges College, asks class of 2005 to search within themselves the class of 2009 to ‘lead us into the 21st century’

BY MICHAEL J. SCHOBEL oh-so-distant future when you have matter the same in America. They BY ANDY ZAHN responsibility to create tradition,” community, you must help build an FLAT HAT NEWS EDITOR learned the hard way what matters just have different jobs, but their FLAT HAT ASST. NEWS EDITOR Feiss said. “Make your own tradi- all-inclusive world community based and what does not.” hard work and dignity can lift up tions: make them good and make on simple justice — an all-encom- Former College President this world.” Civil Rights advocate and U.S. them last.” passing community that values the Timothy J. Sullivan asked the grad- Student Speaker Edwards concluded by telling Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.) spoke Rector of the Board of Visitors dignity of every individual,” Lewis uates of the class of 2005 to search the graduates that it is the young at the Aug. 26 annual Opening Susan Magill then spoke and praised said. their soulsʼ centers to discover who Benji Kimble, ʼ05, gave the people that often make the last- Convocation, which the selection of Nichol as the Lewis spoke about his childhood they truly are and urged them to graduate speech at the ceremony. ing changes officially Collegeʼs 26th president. in segregated Alabama. He said that have the bravery to live honorably “You will not find a more “He understands well the while most people told him to accept in his Commencement address May enthusiastic member of the sacred trust that is his as the his situation, he decided to take 15. Sullivan was the keynote speak- William and Mary com- president of William and action and fight discrimination and er at the ceremony, which was his munity,” Sullivan said Mary,” Magill said. injustice. Lewis offered his experi- final as president of the College. of Kimble. “He, with your ences as an inspiration to students Rector Susan A. Magill intro- After his help, will make today to lead causes about which duced Sullivan, saying that for the speech, Kimble the very most of they feel strongly. past several graduation ceremonies got the graduates to the opportunities “I say to you students, lead us there had been a problem: Sullivan chant “Timmy J” in here at William into the 21st century. Find a way to would upstage the keynote speaker. honor of the departing and Mary.” get in the way. Find a way to get in “Thatʼs not gonna happen this president. This was the first trouble. Find a way to make some year,” Magill said. “[Sullivan] is an Convocation at which noise, to make our country and our eloquent, most meaningful, most Law Ceremony a Board of Visitors world a better place,” he said. “I say impressive speaker to address the rector has spoken. to you, never give up. Never ever class of 2005.” Former U.S. Senator Following Magillʼs consider giving in. Keep your eyes According to Magill, Sullivan vice presidential can- remarks, Nichol on the prize, keep the faith and walk is the first president of the College didate John Edwards thanked the campus with the wind.” to give the keynote address at spoke at the ceremony for attending and “the Lewis ended his speech by urging Commencement. for graduates of the law heavens” for cooler people never to abandon their resolve Sullivan opened his speech to the school, which was held weather and con- and commitment to seeing change in 1,274 undergraduates and 468 grad- in the Sunken Gardens. gratulated the class American and the world. He asked uates by admitting that for the first Edwards is a graduate of 2009. the audience to place their present time in his 13-year tenure he was of the law school at the Nichol applaud- similarities above their historical dif- nervous. He recalled how last yearʼs University of North ed the legacy ferences. speaker Jon Stewart, ʼ84, had kidded Carolina-Chapel Hill of the keynote “Let the spirit of history be your him for being “crushingly dull.” and a close friend speaker for his guide, and let the spirit of William But Sullivan proceeded, explain- of President Gene “unequaled and Mary follow you for the rest of ing that he told that story because Nichol, the former beacon of con- your lives,” Lewis said. he wants the graduates to be honest dean of that institu- science” as Nichol noted the diversity of the with themselves as he was honest tion. Lewis took the freshman class, which he said includ- with them. Edwards opened stage to deliver ed people of various racial, socio- “Who are you?” Sullivan asked his speech by describ- a speech centered economic, political and religious the class. “Here you are, perched ing the hopes and fears he on acceptance and groups. He warned about exclusion precariously on the brink of the had on graduation from law inspiring students to on a college campus and urged stu- brink of the great unknown. Some school. For him, the primary make a difference in their dents to be accepting of all people. part of you must be exuberant, concern was getting married, a deci- world. “We are as well a vivid and rend- another must be apprehensive.” sion he that he said has helped shape in America. began the Lewis, who received an honorary ing example of the American para- He told the graduates that they the path of his life. He said that Collegeʼs degree from the College in 2003, dox of exclusion and separation, of would not find the answer to this Edwards then segued into a call he saw the 313th year. thanked the audience for inviting exploitation and subjection — los- question by looking at their GPAs for the graduates to do what they can young fight for The ceremony, him back. He spoke of a journey ing our calling and weakening our or their resumés. Instead, he said, to lend a helping hand and eliminate civil rights and against the first to be that begins in college and extends cause,” he said. they could only find it by looking poverty in order to ensure an equal the Vietnam War and presided over by beyond graduation. Lewis charged After Nicholʼs remarks, the choir within themselves and they could chance for all in America. there are still ideals for College President the College to become a “beloved sang the Alma Mater and the class only improve through hard work. “America is a place that which to fight. Gene Nichol, was opened community,” one where everyone of 2009 was led through the doors of “Take care that the values by believes in ascension,” he said. “This is what you can do,” he by Provost Geoffrey Feiss, who can feel accepted and not fear preju- the Wren Building where they were which you choose to live have the “It comes from that eternal belief said. “For the will of one can change encouraged new students to become dice. met, according to recent tradition, potential to earn the sort of success that we all have the same worth, the world, and the might of millions involved on campus. “Through your leadership here by cheering current members of the that will give you comfort in that that a doctor and a bus driver both can lift of mankind.” “Our greatest tradition is your on this campus and in the larger College community.