THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF CLINICAL SEXOLOGISTS

AT MAIMONIDES UNIVERSITY

THE SECRET AND NOT SO SECRET LIFE OF SWINGERS

A VIEW INTO THE MANY FACETS OF THE SWINGING LIFESTYLE

A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF THE AMERICAN

ACADEMY OF CLINICAL SEXOLOGISTS AT MAIMONIDES

UNIVERSITY IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR

THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY

BY

GEORGE JAMES KALLAS

NORTH MIAMI BEACH FLORIDA

APRIL 2006 DISSERTATION APPROVAL

This dissertation submitted by George James Kallas has been read and approved by three faculty members of the American Academy of Clinical

Sexologists at Maimonides University.

The final copies have been examined by the Dissertation Committee and the signatures which appear here verify the fact that any necessary changes have been incorporated and that the dissertation is now given the final approval with reference to content, form and mechanical accuracy.

The dissertation is therefore accepted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy.

Signature Date

______W. A. Granzig, Ph.D., FAACS Advisor and Committee Chair

______J. Walker, Ph.D. Committee Member

______A. Leight, Ph.D. Committee Member

ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank my wife, Shannie Dipnarine Kallas, for all her love, encouragement, and her incredible level of trust and understanding in the pursuit of this project. I could not have accomplished many of my goals without her support. I would like to acknowledge my parents, Basil and Anthe’ Kallas, for instilling in me the importance of a good education and for all their love and support. To my best friend, Roald Garcia, Psy.D., for always being there when I needed him and for setting high standards for himself that helped me learn the importance of self-discipline. I would like to thank my friends in the Florida,

New Orleans, and Colorado Lifestyle community for opening doors that would have been closed to me otherwise, for all the invaluable information that they provided, and for being such wonderful people. Confidentiality precludes me listing their names, but they know how thankful I am to each of them. Thanks to all the people that shared their stories with me and let me into the most private areas of their lives. Thanks to Hillary Bozzuto, M.S. for her assistance. In addition, a special thanks to William Granzig, Ph.D. for his supervision as chair of my committee, and to James Walker, Ph.D., and Arlen Leight, Ph.D. for serving as members of my committee for this study.

iii

VITA

George James Kallas is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice in Hollywood, Florida, U.S.A. His masters of science degree in clinical psychology was awarded in 1994, from Barry University, Miami, Florida, U.S.A.

He received a bachelors degree in psychology in 1983 from Florida International

University, North Miami, Florida, U.S.A. He is currently pursuing a Psy.D. in clinical psychology from Carlos Albizu University, Miami, Florida, U.S.A. and completing a Doctor of Philosophy degree at Maimonides University in Miami,

Florida, U.S.A.

George James Kallas is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology, a certified sex therapist, a certified hypnotherapist, a student affiliate member of the

American Psychological Association, a member of the American Society of

Clinical Hypnotists, the American Mental Health Counselors Association and The

Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.

iv

ABSTRACT

During the summer of 2003 through the spring of 2006 the researcher interviewed and observed the activities of individuals involved in the swinging lifestyle. This study reviewed the literature on swinging and followed the participant-observer model used by Bartell (1971) in his anthropological study of swingers. Information was gathered by conversations with swingers at three separate on-premise clubs, two Lifestyle conventions, and through meetings arranged by contacts made in these venues. Observations were made of the social interactions, sexual play behaviors, and the business of swinging. A total of 500 surveys were handed out at two conventions with a return of 24 useable completed surveys. Over 100 individuals participating in the lifestyle were informally interviewed at conventions, clubs, and other venues.

v

CONTENTS

Introduction ------1 – 6

Who are the swingers? ------6 – 11

Why swing? ------11 – 14

Why drop out? ------14 – 16

The Rules ------16 – 19

Single men ------20 – 24

Single women ------24 – 27

Swinger’s speak ------27 – 34

The Club scene ------34 – 35

Purpose of the study ------35

Method section ------35

Participants (surveys) ------36

Materials ------37

Results (survey) ------37 – 54

Interviews (Sarah) ------55 – 58

Interviews and observations (clubs) ------59

Club A ------59 – 73

Club B ------73 – 83

Club C ------83 – 89

vi The conventions ------89

Convention in Key West 2003 ------89

Day 1 ------90

Day 2 ------90 – 101

Day 3 ------102 – 107

Day 4 ------107 – 115

Convention in Las Vegas 2005 ------115

Day 1 ------116 – 120

Day 2 ------121 – 131

Day 3 ------132 – 138

Day 4 ------139 – 145

Beach parties ------145

Conclusions ------146 – 150

References ------151 – 154

Appendix A ------155 - 158

Appendix B ------159

Appendix C ------160

Appendix D ------161

vii THE SECRET AND NOT SO SECRET LIFE OF SWINGERS

A VIEW INTO THE MANY FACETS OF THE SWINGING LIFESTYLE

Introduction

The bulk of the research on swinging, the phenomenon currently referred to as participating in the lifestyle , is over thirty years old. According to individuals interviewed for this study, swinging is continually evolving and what was true even five years ago has changed.

Gilmartin (1978) referred to swinging as a form of consensual adultery and defined it as:

Comarital sex (or swinging) is that form of extramarital sexual

behavior, which involves legally married couples sharing coitus

and other sexual behaviors with other legally married couples in

a social context defined by all participants as consisting a kind of

recreational-convivial play (p.16).

This definition is inadequate as a description of the modern swinger. The part that seems to be a useful descriptor for the current phenomenon is that swinging is a form of recreation-convivial play, what could be described as adult play. For the purpose of this study the definition of swinging must be broadened to account for the changes in the lifestyle . Bartell (1971) used the term group sex to describe the phenomenon, as it was a more flexible description and was not limited to married couples. Strict definitions did not apply to this population. The researcher observed and interviewed swingers that were married and unmarried

1 couples; single, straight or bisexual men; and single, straight, bisexual and lesbian women that identified themselves as swingers.

The sexual activities that could fall under the term group sex have existed since ancient times in many different cultures and early civilizations. Group sex, orgies, mate sharing, and other multi-partner sexual activities have been documented in ancient Greek, Roman, Indian, Native American and other cultures throughout history and throughout the world (Gould, 1999; Bartell, 1971).

Today’s swinger differs from the swinger of the 1970’s. Marks and Marks

(1995) included pre-op female transsexuals (male to female) as swing partners.

Bartell (1971) related a story where a man attempted to join a sexual situation by placing his hand on one of the males and ended the whole scene. Homosexuality and bisexuality among men was a taboo in the swing scene only until recently.

Some of the more conservative swingers who were interviewed agreed with the

Gilmartin (1978) definition and felt that only married couples could be called swingers. They, however, thought the term adultery did not apply to them and that this was a moralistic church based term. There were some activities such as the conventions that allowed only couples to attend but did not require they be married. Clubs have couples only nights that may or may not include single females but do not include single males. Some clubs even have bisexual nights for males, something that did not exist or was extremely rare as little as ten years ago. For the most part swingers currently used the term lifestyle to describe their group.

2 Gould (1999) reported that the term lifestyle was adopted in the 1980’s because many of the people attending events did not participate in swinging. He found that lifestyle parties did not always end in comarital sex and that around

10% of the individuals attended because they enjoyed being in the situation where there was a possibility of swapping. They found it exciting. The researcher found several couples at the lifestyle convention in Key West who claimed that they were in the lifestyle but did not have sex with people other than their spouses.

One couple with a strong Baptist background reflected that the people from their church got to be boring to talk to after a while and tended to be very judgmental when it came to others. The husband stated that he and his wife enjoyed getting away once or twice a year to be around people who were so open sexually and could talk about anything. They were not bored. This couple considered themselves to be in the lifestyle but kept it secret, their children and family were told they were going on a cruise for vacation (anonymous personal communication, August 24, 2004).

During a recent conference of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, held in November of 2005 in Atlanta, a representative from the Center for Disease

Control gave a presentation on high-risk groups and the spread of sexually transmitted infections. After discussing risk factors for a number of groups she brought up the logo of the North American Swing Club Association on the power point display. The presenter joked that little was known about this group because they were very discreet and secretive and that many of them did not have concerns about STI’s because they only had sex with nice married couples.

3 Swingers have good reason for discretion. Many swingers have careers that could be endangered by being outed, and fears that family members and straight friends would reject them if their secret were exposed. For these reasons individuals in the lifestyle do not usually openly share personal information.

Many go to great lengths to keep their activities separate from the other parts of

their lives. It was not unusual for the researcher to find that people knew each

other only by their first names. For these reasons, researchers have had to be

inventive to gain information about this group. The names of all participants in

this study have been changed to protect their privacy and to maintain

confidentiality.

Bartell (1971) was studying the wife sharing practices of the Eskimo (Inuit)

peoples and came across an article written in the Chicago Daily News about wife

swapping in the Chicago area in 1967. Bartell (1971) later decided to study this

cultural phenomenon using anthropological methods. The study began in the late

sixties and Bartell (1971) interviewed some individuals that claimed to have been

swinging for 20 years. The participants reported that a surge in swinging occurred

around 1963 and 1964, when oral contraceptive use became popular (Bartell,

1971). He decided to approach the study of this American subculture from a

socio-psychological and a structural-functional model. The method of participant

observer allowed the researcher to participate personally in the activities and

events that the group being studied was involved to the point of being accepted by

the group. The researcher disclosed the purpose of the study, but did not violate

ethical boundaries (Bartell, 1971).

4 Bartell (1971), with the help of his wife, spent three years researching the lives of swingers. They were both in their mid thirties and took on the role of a couple who were interested in learning about swinging. Later in the study he took on different roles to see the effect it would have on the group. Bartell (1971) took younger research assistants to parties to see how an unmarried couple would be treated. Bartell and his wife took an African American couple to a party without mentioning their guest’s ethnicity and received a very cold response from the host

(1971). He reported that they never misrepresented themselves, always explained what they were doing and gave their university affiliation to the people they interviewed. However, Bartell (1971) found that most of the swingers assumed that they were interested in getting into swinging and using the research as a ruse to gather information.

Varni (1974) and his wife presented themselves as a couple interested in swinging to gain access to swingers. He (Varni, 1974) placed advertisements in an underground newspaper that read Young sociologist and wife desire to learn

about swinging and Couple, attractive, 26 and 25, who have not yet swung, desire

to meet swinging married couple (p.247). They were able to interview sixteen

married swinging couples whose ages ranged from nineteen to sixty. Varni

(1974) reported that in an effort to insure validity in the collection of information

he chose not to identify his role as a researcher to any of the individuals

interviewed. Varni (1974) and his wife presented themselves as novice swingers

who wanted to find out about swinging before actually experiencing it. This

method would seem to ensure that the information the subjects gave was not

5 skewed by the relationship. The researcher chose not to misrepresent his identity to the participants and always identified his role. However, he could not control for participant’s perceptions that the researcher was just using this identity as a guise to find out about swinging for personal reasons.

The reader is cautioned that much of the information for the study was obtained through interviews and observations. The researcher made every attempt to remain objective and some of the descriptions may be considered graphic. There however was always the potential for bias in this type of study.

Who are the Swingers?

Currently there are no reliable population statistics to represent this group.

Bartell (1971) estimated that 1 percent of the population was involved in some manner of group sex. Weiss (1983) suggested that approximately 2 to 4 percent of married couples in the U.S. participated in some form of swinging. McGinley

(1995) president and founder of the North American Swing Club Association

(NASCA) estimated that approximately 15 percent of the couples in the U.S. have tried swinging.

The demographics of this population were limited to information from studies most of which were over ten years old. Many of the studies suggested that over

90% of the swingers in the U.S. are Caucasian (Bartell, 1970; Jenks 1985). The recent study by Bergstrand and Williams (2000) that had a population of 1092 participants, reported that 90.4% were Caucasian, 4.1% were African American, and 3.0% were Hispanic. Early studies found swingers to be made up of individuals that were politically conservative to moderate and identified with the

6 Republican party (Bartell, 1970; Jenks, 1986). The Bergstrand and Williams

(2000) study found swingers to be more to the center politically with 31.7% identified as Democrat, 27.7% as Republican, 27.0% as Independent, and 13.5% identified as other.

Swingers tended to be middle to upper class in economic status and tended to be employed in professional or management positions (Jenks, 1985; Levitt, 1988;

Murstein, 1978; Weiss, 1983). The researcher found that of the over 60 couples interviewed at the conventions, only one reported an annual income below

$90,000. A couple the researcher interviewed, John and Sally, who reported that they attended around eight conventions and swingers events per year. Those events usually lasted 3 – 5 days and required that they stay at a hotel. When food and entertainment expenses were factored in they stated the cost for attending each event was around $2500.00 to $3000.00. This did not include the cost of taking the time away from their business (personal communication, February 6,

2006). Swinging at the level that John and Sally experienced the lifestyle was apparently a very expensive past time. People who could not afford to attend events such as the conventions or go to clubs regularly had numerous alternate ways to experience the lifestyle . Private parties, free events and hook ups from the Internet classifieds are some of the other ways swingers get together.

Most of the studies found that swingers tended to be middle aged. Bartell’s

(1970) sample ranged from 28 to 34 years old. Jenks’ (1985) population had a mean age of 39.4 years and Levitt’s (1988) had a mean age of 40.7 years.

Participants in the Bergstrand and Williams (2000) study had a mean age of 39.

7 The researcher recently browsed a website called MySpace.com that seemed to be popular among a younger group. The site allows the user to set up a profile to communicate with other users. The profile questions included swinger under the marital status section. The researcher randomly selected 40 profiles to browse and found that the mean age of the users was around 22 and the majority had chosen swinger to describe their status. This suggested that a possible bi-modal distribution might exist in the swinging realm with a much younger group participating in events geared more to their interests or possibly a misinterpretation of what the term swinging meant on the part of the younger crowd. Some of the younger swingers interviewed by the researcher at the conventions had intimated that there were other events with a much younger crowd.

In the 1970’s Bartell (1971) had described the swingers he was researching as pretty segregated racially and somewhat racist in their attitudes toward African

Americans participating in swinging. Jenks (1985a) surveyed 100 swingers and

300 non-swingers to assess the perceptions non-swingers had about swingers.

Non-swingers thought that swingers used alcohol, marijuana, and drugs at significantly higher levels than reported by swingers (Jenks, 1985a). Non- swingers also overestimated the percentage of minorities involved in swinging

(Jenks, 1985a). They thought that swingers were philosophically more liberal than they actually were and overestimated their affiliation with the Democratic party (Jenks, 1985a). Non-swingers in the study rated themselves as distant to swingers on 7 of 10 attitudinal scales and felt that 50% of swingers required

8 counseling (Jenks, 1985a). Jenks (1985a) reported findings that swingers were significantly more liberal than the non-swingers in the areas of divorce, premarital sex, pornography, homosexuality, and abortion. Bergstrand and Williams (2000) described swingers, based on their findings, as predominantly Caucasian, socio- economically in the middle class, middle aged, religious, and politically more to the center than previous studies reported. They found swingers to be more liberal than non-swingers in their attitudes about sex and marriage and proposed that they may be less racist, less sexist and less heterosexist when compared to the non- swinging population of the U.S (Bergstrand and Williams, 2000).

Varni (1974) identified several types of swingers on a continuum related to the level of emotional connection that they preferred from other swingers. The continuum included movement from unstable to very stable group or couple relationships, from husbands that were coercive users to those who were encouraging individuals, and from only having friendships with non-swingers to incorporating both swingers and non-swingers into their lives (Varni, 1974).

Hardcore swingers were described as preferring no emotional connection with their swing partners and were not selective in their choices (Varni, 1974). Their main goal was to have sex with as many couples as possible and tended to be described as cold and superficial by other types of swingers (Varni, 1974). The wife was usually coerced to swing by the husband and never fully embraced swinging (Varni, 1974). The documentary film Sex With Strangers (Gantz &

Gantz, 2003) presented a couple who traveled the country in a recreational vehicle having sex with couples they met along the way. These individual’s discussed

9 their plans for swinging in terms of the number of people they planned to have sex with and demonstrated little interest in developing any deeper connection with most of their partners. The husband appeared to be charming and seductive until his needs were not met. His wife supported his behavior. Films are edited to present the director’s goals and ideas and therefore the reality depicted may be distorted. However, the depiction observed in the film would probably place these individuals on the continuum somewhere between the hardcore and egotistical types described by Varni (1974).

Egotistical swingers also preferred little emotional connection with swing partners but were fairly selective when choosing them (Varni, 1974). Varni

(1974) reported that these individuals chose others who would fulfill their sexual needs and desires such as the need to be seen as: manly, sexy, attractive and wanted by others. They needed their egos to be fed by their partners. They considered their swinging lives separate from their regular lives and did not want friendships or social relationships with swingers outside of that context (Varni,

1974). The wife, in this relationship, tended to be used by the husband to help fulfill his needs and usually did not become a devoted swinger (Varni, 1974).

Recreational swingers, according to Varni (1974), viewed swinging as a social

activity and were members of fairly stable groups. They were not interested in

deep emotional involvement with swing partners and participated in swinging as a

hedonistic pursuit (Varni, 1974). They had both swinging and non-swinging

friends and even though their wives were used, they tended to become devoted to

the swinging lifestyle (Varni, 1974). This description would fit most of the

10 swingers that the researcher came into contact with at the conventions and clubs.

They described their swinging experiences as being a way to meet wonderful people and have a great time. The atmosphere at the conventions was akin to attending a country club where people knew each other and wanted to socialize.

For the most part the friendships did not appear to reach the depths sought by

Interpersonal swingers.

Interpersonal swingers were interested in deep emotional connections with their swing partners and were very selective in the choices they made (Varni,

1974). They preferred one-couple situations and desired close friendships with their swing partners. Usually the husband was very encouraging and the couple considered swinging to be an integral part of their lives (Varni, 1974).

Communal swingers were similar to the Interpersonal type but advocated some form of group marriage and would most likely fit under the polyamory groups of the present day (Varni, 1974).

Why Swing?

Several theories have been posited for why people would choose to explore group sex or swinging. Jenks (1998) proposed a social psychological model to explain the steps that individuals pass through on the path to joining the Lifestyle.

The first stage required that there be a strong interest in sex and/or that the person started sexual activity at an earlier age than the norm (Jenks, 1998). The second stage referred to the personal characteristics the individual had that complimented the Lifestyle. These were characteristics like being open sexually, having good communication skills and a low tendency towards jealousy (Jenks, 1998). Jenks

11 (1998) referred to the third stage as the passive phase where the individual or couple explored information about swinging and began to discuss the possibility of becoming involved in the lifestyle . The fourth stage was called the active phase and involved testing the waters by actually making contact with swingers and making the decision as to whether the lifestyle represented a good fit for them

(Jenks, 1998). The last stage was the commitment phase where there was actual participation in the lifestyle and a strengthening or solidifying of the reasoning the individuals used to decide to become swingers (Jenks, 1998).

The question still remained as to why individuals chose to swing. King (1996) described the concept of sexual habituation as a normal change in the marital relationship that occurred at around three to seven years into a marriage. The amount of stimulation that it took to create a certain level of sexual arousal increased over the years and things could become stale in the sexual relationship

(King, 1996). Infidelity occurred most often during this time, but couples that are willing to explore novel sexual experiences and to grow together sexually seemed to handle this period more successfully (King, 1996). Bergstrand and Williams

(2000) suggested that swinging might be a way of countering habituation. Sexual variety, exciting experiences, and the opportunity to live out their sexual fantasies as a couple may serve to actually strengthen the marital bond (Bergstrand &

Williams, 2000).

The assumption that swinging would affect marriages in a negative manner was countered in much of the research. Gilmartin (1974, 1975) reported that 85% of the swingers surveyed felt that swinging posed no threat to their marriages.

12 The majority reported that swinging actually enhanced their marriages (Gilmartin,

1974, 1975). Jenks (1986) found that over 91% of the male swingers and 82% of the female swingers stated that they were happy being involved in the swinging lifestyle. Less that 1.0% of the females surveyed and 0.0% of the males complained of being unhappy with their choice to swing (Jenks, 1986). The

Bergstrand and Williams (2000) study found that 62.6% of the swingers surveyed felt that swinging improved the quality of their marriages/relationships. There were a number of respondents that felt their relationships remained unchanged

(35.6%), and 1.7% said that they were less happy (Bergstrand and Williams,

2000). Of the individuals that claimed to be happy with their relationships before joining the lifestyle , 49.7% reported an increase in happiness (Bergstrand and

Williams, 2000). The more controversial finding according to conventional

wisdom and even in swinging was that of the population that claimed to have

been unhappy before, 90.9% reported being happier in their relationships after

they started swinging (Bergstrand and Williams, 2000).

Jenks (1986) reported that one of the primary reasons given for joining the

swinging lifestyle was to enjoy a variety of sexual partners and experiences.

The researcher was told by many couples that the lifestyle strengthened their

marriage and allowed them to safely explore their sexual fantasies. Butler (1979)

suggested that middle-aged individuals from restrictive sexual backgrounds

reached a point in their lives where they had established their careers and families

and found that they had time to devote to other interests. The couple had grown

together and reached a stage when they were ready to explore their sexuality freed

13 from the reproductive pressures that came with starting a family (Butler, 1979).

Swinging allowed the exploration of sexuality beyond the restrictions and limits imposed by traditional marriage (Butler, 1979).

Jenks (1986) reported that the second most common reason given for swinging was the experience of the pleasure or excitement that included the idea of rebelling against social norms and doing something forbidden.

Why drop out?

Finding information on why people leave swinging appeared to be very difficult. Most of the couples interviewed did not know much about why couples left swinging and were not aware of many who did. They speculated that some might of stopped because it was not for them, their expectations were too high, a spouse got jealous or they got too old. Others noted life situations related to employment, raising children, and money problems as factors.

Denfeld (1974) sent out questionnaires to marriage counselors in an effort to understand the reasons why people left the swinging lifestyle. Out of the 966 surveys returned (out of 2,147 sent) information was gathered on 467 drop out couples seen by marriage counselors (Denfeld, 1974). Jealousy was the main reason given for leaving swinging (23%) followed by guilt (14%), which were both thought to contribute to the third reason, the marriage was threatened (14%) by the activity (Denfeld, 1974). Denfeld (1974) reported that the most common explanation was that the husband or wife could not overcome the jealous feelings that occurred from their spouse having sex with someone else. Husbands reported being more jealous than wives and the reasons given had to do with the wife’s

14 popularity, endurance, and appearing to have more fun than the husband (Denfeld,

1974). Smith and Smith (1974) concluded that although men appeared to initiate the couple into the swinging lifestyle, women seemed more able to handle and adjust to the sexual freedom than men after the initial entry into the lifestyle.

Couples that are able to handle jealousy seem to be more able to compartmentalize the issue. Smith and Smith (1974) explained the issue of jealousy using the concept of stimulus differentiation from learning theory. They suggested that because swingers created a perceived difference between consensual adultery and conventional adultery they were less likely to react to the former with jealousy (Smith & Smith, 1974). However, if the spouse became involved with another in a conventional adultery situation, the rules of swinging would be breached and the jealous response evoked (Smith & Smith, 1974).

Some swingers attempted to avoid the possibility of developing emotional connections with others by only swinging once with each couple. Denfeld (1974) and Sarah, a woman interviewed by the researcher, both reported hearing of couples that divorced and remarried the other’s spouses after an emotional connection from swinging. Sarah later notified the researcher that she had stopped swinging because it became too much trouble (anonymous personal communication, March 12, 2006). Developing an emotional attachment to a swing partner was the fourth reason (11%) given according to Denfeld (1974).

Denfeld (1974) found for people dropping out of swinging. Boredom or loss of interest was ranked fifth (11%), disappointment, sixth (7%), and divorce or separation, seventh (7%) in the study (Denfeld, 1974). The wife’s inability to

15 handle swinging was ranked as the eighth (7%) reason for dropping out (Denfeld,

1974). Discretion and secrecy remains necessary for many swingers today and

Denfeld (1974) ranked fear of being outed to the community or children, ninth

(3%) on the list. The impotence of the husband ranked tenth (3%) according to the Denfeld (1974) study.

The researcher observed that the successful middle-aged swingers communicated with their spouses openly, were careful not to threaten the spouse’s ego by praising another partner too highly, and had developed thick skins when it came to rejection. They were supportive of each other and kept the sexual aspect of swinging separate from deep emotional connections.

The researcher only met two women who dropped out of swinging. One was

Sarah who gave no reason except that swinging had become too much trouble and

Rebecca, who, due to illness, was planning to drop out but voiced concern that her husband would not react well to the news.

The Rules

Gould (1999) delineated the three primary rules generally agreed upon by swingers. Swingers should always show consideration for their spouses, they should be decent, and polite (Gould, 1999). Bellemeade (2003) suggested that swingers who have more than five rules about swinging were probably not ready to swing. She related that as long as partners agreed, swinging could be free of rules, but stated that most couples had basic rules like the use of condoms and notifying each other if they were leaving the room with someone else

(Bellemeade, 2003). The basic rule the researcher heard from most of the people

16 he interviewed was that when a swinger rejected a situation or sexual advance it was to be respected and those that did not were labeled pushy. In the polite lingo of swinging, pushy was synonymous with aggressive and uncouth. Discussing what was acceptable to each partner and what was definitely off limits prior to swinging was deemed important to most of the people interviewed. There was a consensus of opinion that it was also very important to keep the lines of communication open and to discuss any problems that may occur. Bellemeade

(2003) suggested that as the couple got more involved in swinging the rules continued to evolve and became less restrictive. Generally, it seemed that as individuals became more secure that they were not going to lose their partners, they were able to adjust their personal rules to allow greater freedom for their mates and themselves.

McGinley (2006) reported that the swinging social scene had developed a number of unspoken rules over the years that new swingers would benefit from learning. The full version can be located in the NASCA international directory of swing clubs, events and publications (McGinley, 2006, pp. 15-18). An abbreviated version of the rules suggested by McGinley (2006) includes the following:

1. Swingers should make party reservations where appropriate, especially for

private parties, and call to cancel if they cannot attend for some reason.

2. They should arrive on time unless the hosts have agreed to other

arrangements, and should call the hosts if running late.

17 3. Couples should arrive and leave together unless previous arrangements

have been made with the party host or the party is open to singles.

4. They should follow the host’s instructions for parking, and avoid creating

problems for the hosts with their neighbors.

5. Swingers should dress nicely in fashionable casual party clothes, keeping

jewelry to a minimum to avoid losing it, and should come prepared with a

robe, negligee, or other night wear in case it is needed.

6. Personal hygiene and grooming are very important and swingers should be

aware of body odor and bad breath in consideration of others.

7. Swingers have the right to say no, they should be honest with their desires

and respect others honesty. They should give and receive rejection

tactfully and gracefully.

8. Swingers should not use a ticket (a person accompanying the swinger to

get into the party, but who is not there to swing) to enter a party.

9. Swingers should not bring people that are unaware of what to expect to a

swingers party.

10. Smoking and drinking in the bedrooms or swing area is one of the most

frequently broken rules of etiquette. It should not be done.

11. Loud or lengthy discussion should be avoided in bedrooms or swing areas

as it is disturbing to others.

12. Swinging in the group rooms is meant for groups, swingers will approach

each other to join in the activity. The right to refuse remains in effect but

couples needing privacy should use a private room.

18 13. Club swing parties have dues or entry fees that should be paid at the club

office, and some private parties may expect donations of a predetermined

amount. Bringing party food or donating money to offset expenses is good

form for private parties.

14. Swingers consider it to be bad manners to cruise bedrooms out of curiosity.

Moving room to room, pulling back curtains between beds and turning on

lights, or going into a private swing area as a single person looking for

action, are all considered bad form.

15. Illegal substances are prohibited at most swing venues.

16. Swingers should report problem individuals to the club management or

host of the party.

17. If a club or party is not to their liking, swingers should simply leave.

Complaining about the club or party to others who are having a good time

is seen as bad manners.

18. Swingers should not attend theme parties if they are not planning to follow

the theme.

19. Swingers should be responsible, polite, pleasant and gregarious.

(McGinley, 2006, pp. 15-18).

The group that seemed to have the most rules applied to them was that of single men. The researcher observed this group breaching many of the rules delineated above in all the clubs he explored.

19 Single men

The issue of the single male in swinging was full of complexity. When browsing the swinger’s ads in any number of lifestyle websites it became clear that many couples did not want to be contacted by single males. There were cautions in swingers literature about false couple’s ads that were focused on trading photographs suggesting that fakers, usually single males, traded fake or stolen pictures to get unsuspecting couples to send them their more explicit photographs (Bellemeade, 2003). Many of the couples that were interviewed shared stories of problems with single men at clubs. The clubs the researcher visited had certain days set aside just for couples to attend and they all had couples only rooms. When the topic came up in chat rooms and internet groups there tended to be a flurry of stories that focused on the problem couples had because of too many single men at a particular club on the night they attended.

John explained that the problem that arose at the club level usually occurred from ignorance or lack of information of what was expected from single men in the lifestyle (anonymous personal communication, June 16, 2004). The men had paid a membership fee and a door charge that was usually higher than the fees paid by couples or single women. Some men mistakenly thought that they were paying for a sexual experience and expected to have sex with someone that night.

Some just didn’t know how to behave in the situation and thought that they needed to show off, others sat quietly and hoped someone would approach them offering sex. These individuals were not aware of the rules of etiquette and made mistakes that ensured that they would not have a good experience. The researcher

20 observed men in all the clubs he visited making these social errors. He attended two couples only conventions and noted the expressions of concern, disapproval

or discomfort that passed over the faces of couples when the researcher was in

situations where his presence had not been explained.

Ken and Barbi (Leigh & Leigh, 2004, 2006) developed a set of rules and

informative guidelines to help single men function more successfully in the

Lifestyle , club and party scenes. The following is a condensed and paraphrased version of those guidelines. The complete version is available online at http://www.sexypartyclub.com/singleguys.htm .

Swing clubs are members only private clubs that provide privacy and discretion for the people who join them. Due to the importance of privacy in the lifestyle, background checks were not normally done on members. Club members and management tended to be vigilant when it came to dealing with inappropriate people. These are social clubs and people got to know each other over the years so information tended to spread quickly among the members. Positive or negative opinions about an individual or couple could be developed very rapidly. Problem people had their memberships revoked and could be banned from further attempts at membership.

Single men were encouraged to behave like gentlemen. They were expected to be polite and respectful when approaching a couple and should do nothing to alienate or insult the husband or boyfriend. They should seek to make friends with both partners and should understand that friendship does not equate to the

21 promise of a sexual liaison. Couples swing for their own personal enjoyment not to fulfill the fantasies of others (Leigh and Leigh, 2004, 2006).

Single and married men should take care to dress appropriately with class and style. Swingers can be obsessively clean and personal hygiene was extremely important. At one of the clubs, John pointed out a man who was dressed in a black t-shirt with biker’s insignia and a pair of Bermuda shorts to the researcher

(anonymous personal communication, June 16, 2004). He said that the women that come to the club spent time preparing themselves and made an effort to dress and look as sexy as they could. The guy that came in dressed casual on a Friday night insulted all the women in the club. Unless the club was having a theme night, men should always be well dressed and well groomed (Leigh and Leigh,

2004, 2006).

Couples in the lifestyle felt that they were very open in their sexual communication, they were also very polite and may send messages that are subtle in an effort to protect another person’s feelings. Single men must avoid making assumptions about the couple’s intentions unless there was clear communication.

The basic rule of any situation in the lifestyle was that when someone said no they meant no and should not have to argue the point with anyone (Leigh and Leigh,

2004, 2006). Some single men and women did not understand the concept of sex as recreational play and became emotionally involved, creating a relationship that did not exist. Swingers who had sex with people other than their spouses, with their spouse’s approval did not consider this cheating. They avoided singles and couples that became too possessive or emotionally attached to their spouses

22 (Marks & Marks, 1994). The men that entered the club thinking that they would steal a woman away from her spouse by romancing her or impressing her with their sexual prowess would be disappointed (Leigh and Leigh, 2004, 2006).

The successful single male swinger, it seemed, must demonstrate a high level of emotional intelligence. He must be able to read the subtle non-verbal signals of couples, understand the rules and context of the situation he was participating in, and present himself in a manner that was confident but not aggressive (Leigh and Leigh, 2004, 2006). He had to realize that he was not in a competition with the male counter part of the couple and should take pains not to insult, ignore or intimidate him in any way. The successful single male swinger did not go where he was not invited and accepted rejection pleasantly and gracefully (Leigh and

Leigh, 2004, 2006). He should not join in to group sex without permission and must take his cues from the environment he was in to make good decisions. For example, a single man in a towel should not approach a fully dressed couple, as this was seen as a breach of etiquette and inappropriate (Leigh and Leigh, 2004,

2006). Single men that put on a towel early in the evening and cruised the club mingling with the clothed guests were called towel sharks and have a bad reputation.

The successful single male acted as a good guest to his hosts. When asked to join a couple he should take the lead from them and not make any assumptions. If the rules were unclear he should ask a member or the staff at the club for clarification (Leigh and Leigh, 2004, 2006).

23 Bellemeade (2003) stated that many couples have experienced bad situations with single men and have become wary and guarded around them. She suggested that single men should leave a party or event if no one approached or showed interest in them. Being aggressive and obnoxious did not appear to be effective.

She shared that she personally would love the variety that single men could bring to the lifestyle if they would only develop a more relaxed and pleasant demeanor

(Bellemeade, 2003).

Single women

The single female held a much higher standing than the single male in the swinging community. Bellemeade (2003) reported that single women came to clubs for different reasons than single men. She suggested that they came to clubs and parties out of curiosity or because they were exhibitionists and swinging was a venue available to them to show off (Bellemeade, 2003). Some women went to join in group sex or to have same sex experiences and did not attend clubs or parties with the intention of stealing the mates of other women. She reported that single women were frequently invited to parties and events in the lifestyle because

they increased the excitement and fun (Bellemeade, 2003). This preference

seemed to be true for internet connections that swingers made.

When a couple was not just seeking another couple exclusively, the next most

common advertisement found by the researcher was couples seeking single

women. The researcher could not find any complaints in the different chat rooms

and bulletin boards that swingers frequent, about the problem behavior of a single

woman at a club or party. Bellemeade (2003) reported that in the several years

24 that she had been in the lifestyle, she had never heard a complaint about the behavior of single women. There have been some negative experiences reported in the literature related to swingers inviting single women into their homes.

Marks (1994) shared that she had arranged for a female friend to join her to have sex with her husband as a birthday surprise for him. The couple was new to group sex and had not set ground rules or discussed how they should approach the experience given the nature of the situation. Things did not turn out well because the friend became emotionally involved and consequently the friendship between the two women ended. Marks (1994) treated the situation as a learning experience.

The researcher interviewed a woman with ties to the club scene in Miami. She reported that some of the young women she was acquainted with went to the clubs with the hope of making a connection with a wealthy couple who would take care of them. The ideal situation, according to the interviewee, was to be asked to move in with the couple and enter their sexual and social lives. These women benefited as the status of their lifestyle improved greatly. This did not seem to be a common practice, however, the researcher observed a situation that reflected this possibility.

The researcher observed that one of the couples he met at the convention in

Key West in 2004 had a female accompanying them at the convention in Las

Vegas in 2005. One of the participants explained that the couple had taken in the friend and her children. The relationship included swinging among the adults and now they presented as a trio at swingers events.

25 Bellemeade (2003) cautioned against developing relationships with single men or women that went beyond what was considered successful swinging. Feelings that became too intense or intimate changed the relationship from swinging to having an affair (Bellemeade, 2003). She shared the story of a couple that took in a young woman they had been swinging with after the woman suggested that they live together. The female spouse found out later in the relationship that the woman had been trying to persuade the male spouse to get a divorce. The woman apparently wanted to replace the female spouse. The couple had some difficulty repairing the damage done to their relationship and extricating the woman from their home (Bellemeade, 2003).

The researcher observed single women attending the three clubs he visited and had the impression that they were a welcome addition. There were no complaints overheard or shared by interviewees with regard to single women. Couples and single men approached them and the women seemed to handle each situation well. The concerns some married female swingers discussed had to do with fears that another woman would fall in love with their spouse and attempt to steal him away. These women were in the minority of those interviewed.

Marks (1994) described the unacceptable behavior of the female partner of a couple that attended a private party that she and her husband attended. She reported that the woman went around the room flirting and seducing the men at the party while totally ignoring the women. The woman quickly received the label of bimbo by the other women at the party and it was unlikely that the couple would be invited to another event. Attractive young single women, in general,

26 appear to be highly sought after at clubs, parties and by couples placing ads on the internet.

Swinger Speak

Prior to the birth of the internet, the swinging community connected with each other by placing ads in underground newspapers, swinger’s magazines or by posting ads on bulletin boards in adult bookstores. Bartell (1971) discussed the difficulties that people new to swinging had in deciphering the code words of the usual swingers advertisement. With the advent of the internet, literally thousands of lifestyle member sites, chat rooms, and groups have formed within the last few years. Many of the sites gave free memberships that provided limited access to the site and member’s profiles. They then frequently advertised the perks of the paid, full membership in an effort to make a profit. The members usually developed a profile from a list of characteristics provided by the company and could upload a picture to their ad. The profile listed likes and dislikes, descriptions of sexual interests and the type of person they were looking for in a swing partner. Born out of the early need for brevity due to the cost of ads and from the need for discretion, swingers developed a list of terms to convey information to other swingers. A typical advertisement might state:

Slim and discreet MWC. She’s bi-curious; he’s STR8. No heavies,

Drugs, or pain. Both safe, clean, love French culture, interested in

meeting similar couple for fun and games. P/P required for contact.

The following list of terms and definitions was compiled from several sources that included interviews, lifestyle magazines, the Swingers Board website

(Thomas, 1993; The Swingers Board, 2006).

27 Terms related to Lifestyle activities:

Swapping , is the exchanging of partners during a sexual encounter.

Full Swap refers to full sexual intercourse with an alternate partner.

Soft Swap can mean watching, touching, oral sex, anything but intercourse.

Soft Swingers are couples who only have intercourse with their own partners.

Soft Swinging means same room sex with the primary partner, voyeurism/

exhibitionism, or any sexual encounter without intercourse.

Hard Swinging , Hardcore refers to a swing party or encounter where sexual

activity is expected.

Recreational Swinger refers to individuals who swing as a recreational

diversion and are not interested in long term friendship or emotional

attachment.

Open Swinging , Open Door, means that the couple will swing in the same

room with another couple.

Closed Swinging , Closed Door, couples swap partners and move to other

rooms.

Terms related to forms of sexual activity:

Greek, Greek Culture, Anal , all refer to anal sex or anal intercourse.

Analingus, Rimming , refer to oral stimulation of the anus with the tongue, lips

or teeth.

Animal Training, Beastiality , sexual activity using animals.

French Culture, Head, 69, Giving Head , refers to oral-genital stimulation that

includes cunnilingus and fellatio.

28 DP, Double Penetration , means the person likes to be penetrated in two

orifices at the same time or one orifice with two penises or objects.

Golden Shower, Water Sports refer to urine play.

Swedish Culture is the use of the hands to massage or stimulate sexually.

Roman, Roman Culture, Group Sex, The Party Scene, Orgy , refers to sexual

activity between more than two individuals. Includes trios, threesomes,

foursomes, moresomes, ménage-a-trois, gang-bangs, etc.

FFM, FMF refers to sex between one male and two females.

MFM, FMM , refers to sex between one female and two males.

All Cultures , means the couple enjoys all types of sexual activity.

Bizarre, Way Out , refers to unusual sexual desires.

Bukkake is a Japanese term that means sperm shower, refers to a group of

men ejaculating on a woman.

Terms related to sexual preference or orientation:

AC/DC, Bisexual, Bi, Versatile , refer to a person who enjoys sexual activity

with both sexes.

Gay in advertisements can refer to a homosexual male or a lesbian female.

Lesbian refers to a woman who is sexually attracted to women exclusively.

Straight, STR, STR8 , in the swingers context can mean any person who is

only interested in heterosexual sex, or a person who is drug free, can also

be a reference to being a non-swinger.

Transvestite, TV refers to a male that gains sexual satisfaction from wearing

women’s garments.

29 Transsexual, Trani, Trans , describes a person who has undergone, or is in the

process of undergoing, a conversion from one gender to the other through

hormonal treatments and surgery.

Club Terms:

Director refers to the owner or manager of a club.

Online Club is a lifestyle website that is an online community with chatrooms,

personal ads and information about swinging, swinging events, and

swingers news.

On Premise Club means that the club allows sexual activity on the property.

These clubs usually have group and private areas available for swingers to

have sex with each other.

Off Premise Club usually means a venue where swingers meet each other and

make connections to have sex somewhere else.

Party House refers to a non-membership club that offers a regular schedule of

on-premise swingers parties.

European Style Club means that club members are required to be nude or to

disrobe at a set time during the evening.

House Party is a swingers party held at a private home, usually by invitation.

Matroom, Matress Room, Hospitality Suite , are terms that refer to rooms set

aside for group sex at parties, clubs, or conventions.

Ticket is the term used to refer to a woman brought to a swing party solely to

allow a male to gain entrance. The ticket usually does not swing or is not

free to swing.

30 Descriptive Terms Found in Swinger Ads:

420 means marijuana use.

BBW stands for big beautiful woman and refers to women who are not their

ideal weight but are comfortable with their size. In the ads it can mean

anything from a few pounds overweight to a morbidly obese woman.

Voluptuous refers to women with large well formed breasts and full well

formed hips.

HWP means the person’s height and weight are proportionate.

Can Entertain, Entertain , means that the swingers are willing to meet and play

at their own home.

Can Travel means that the swinger is willing to go to another swinger’s home,

or to meet at another location such as a motel.

Meet For Pleasure means that the swinger will meet for sex and that no other

relationship is sought.

D/D Free, Clean , means the swingers are free of sexually transmitted diseases

and are drug free.

CPL, Couple , refers to a man and a woman together for swinging, not

necessarily married or in a relationship beyond the one for this purpose.

Recently, ads have referred to the term couple as two women as well.

F and M refers to female and male.

Generous refers to money for sex and usually represents a Pro, or prostitute

using the ad to make contacts.

Horny means sexually tense or in need of sexual pleasure.

31 Hung refers to a man with a large penis.

IR means interracial.

IRL means in real life.

ISO means in search of.

MWC stands for married white couple

MBC stands for married black couple.

Newcomers, Newbies, are people new to the lifestyle or first timers.

Photo , means the swingers are looking for others to exchange photos with.

Photography means that the swingers are looking for others to exchange

and/or to participate in the making of nude or sexually explicit pictures,

slides or movies.

P/P means that a photo and phone number are required for contact to occur.

TAN refers to a person who has tested antibody negative for HIV.

Triolism is a term used in ads to seek threesomes.

Swinger’s advertisements are more frequently including BDSM and fetish terms either as statements of interest or to screen out people with interests that are not acceptable to them. The researcher has included some of these terms since these two groups have started to overlap in membership.

Fetish and BDSM terms:

Arts, Fetish, Culture , are terms that represent interest in sexual fetish

activities.

All Cultures means that the person or couple enjoys all fetishes and sexual

activities.

32 B&D or B/D refers to bondage and discipline which is the use of

restraints while administering discipline of some form.

BDSM is a combination of BD (bondage and discipline), DS (dominance

and submission), and SM (sadism and masochism) representing a

wide variety of sexual activities with a foundation of power,

control and sexuality.

Bondage is a sexual fetish that utilizes restraints to bind the sexual partner.

Discipline refers to the sexual activity where a dominant partner punishes

a submissive partner using a variety of methods that can include

uncomfortable physical restraint, spanking, beating, and/or

humiliation.

Docile/Submissive refers to the partner that is willing to receive bondage

and/or discipline.

Domestic Training refers to the submissive obediently doing household

chores of a personal and humiliating nature.

English Culture encompasses sexual arousal or stimulation derived from

the act of receiving or dispensing punishment in the form of

spanking or caning. Caning is a spanking fetish using a light cane

made of bamboo or some other light wood.

Flagellation refers to sexual stimulation from whipping or spanking.

Leather is a term for individual’s that get sexual arousal from wearing or

touching leather.

33 There are many other terms and abbreviations used in swinging and the BDSM subcultures but an exhaustive list was beyond the scope of this paper.

The Club Scene

McGinley (2006) reported that the first group to openly hold swing parties was the Sexual Freedom League in Berkeley, California during the 1960’s. Some of the earliest membership swing clubs started in California and New York utilizing cocktail lounges and bars as meeting places with the actual swinging occurring off premise at motels or private homes (McGinley, 2006). By 1972 eighteen on premise party houses had sprung up throughout Southern California (McGinley,

2006).

On the East Coast, Plato’s Retreat gained notoriety when articles about the on premise swing club appeared in Playboy and Penthouse magazines at the same time (McGinley, 2006). Plato’s, according to McGinley (2006), was the primary force that brought on premise swinging to the east coast. Florida had on premise clubs like Deenies Hideaway and Playhouse South in the 1980’s. Deenie’s continues to function as an on premise swinger’s club and is located in Pompano

Beach. Deenie’s is open during the daytime as well as night and advertises nude sunbathing, swimming, volleyball and swinging. Their web address is www.deenieshideaway.com .

The 2006 directory of The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) lists approximately 304 swingers clubs and organizations active in the U.S. and lists 28 different conventions and special events. They also list international clubs and events as well.

34 The purpose of the present research study was to explore the phenomenon of the swinger lifestyle in current times and to provide first hand information through interviews and observations. To find answers regarding:

1. Who are the present day swingers?

2. What types of activities are available to swingers?

3. What are the reasons people give for becoming swingers?

4. How does swinging impact their relationships?

5. What concerns do they have related to the lifestyle?

Method

The researcher used the socio-psychological and structural-functional model used by Bartell (1971) and Varni (1974). The method of participant-observer allowed the researcher to enter the group and peripherally attend activities to the point of being accepted by the members of the group. The researcher openly disclosed the purpose of the study to all the individuals he interviewed formally and informally when possible. Ethical boundaries were maintained and names of participants were changed to protect their privacy and maintain confidentiality.

Interviews and observations of swingers and lifestyle activities were recorded from attendance on three separate occasions at three local on-premise lifestyle clubs, and from attendance at two lifestyle conventions. The researcher also interviewed a number of swingers individually and used surveys to collect qualitative information (see Appendix A).

35 Surveys

Participants. Twenty-four people (14 males, 10 females) completed surveys handed out at the Key West convention in August of 2003. Two individuals

completed surveys handed out at the Las Vegas convention in November of 2005.

The average age of the male participants was 50.2 years of age with a range of 34

to 62 years. The mean age for the female participants was 44.6 years with a range

of 22 to 53 years. All twenty-four respondents were Caucasian although there had

been some minorities present at the events. Ten individuals claimed no religious

affiliation, five were Catholic, two were Baptist, two were Lutheran, two were

Buddhist, one was Methodist, one was Protestant and one wrote Christian in the

space marked other. Two individuals claimed to have doctorates, three had

masters degrees, seven had bachelors degrees, five had associates degrees, six

were high school graduates and one had two years of high school. Several of the

individuals with high school and associated degrees also claimed professional

certifications. For yearly household income: one participant claimed to be within

the $50-$60,000.00 range, four were in the $60-$70,000.00 range, three were in

the $70-$80,000.00 range and fourteen claimed to have an income of over

$100,000.00. Two of the respondents did not answer this question. Eleven of the

males reported they were heterosexual and three identified as bisexual. Three of

the females claimed to be heterosexual and seven identified as bisexual. The

average age of sexual initiation reported by the males was 16.6 years with a range

of 12 – 26 years of age. The average age of sexual initiation in females was 15.2

years with a range of 14 – 20 years.

36 Materials. Two hundred survey packets were handed out to couples at the

Florida convention that contained: directions, consent forms, a one dollar coin, and the survey. Twenty-six of the two hundred surveys were returned completed.

Two of the surveys were not used because the individuals were not swingers.

Three hundred survey packets without the dollar payment were placed into the convention information and gift bags that were handed out to each of the participants at the Las Vegas convention in November of 2005. Two were later returned by mail with only one individual having signed the consent form.

Results . The following answers came from analysis of the participant’s responses to the twenty-nine questions of the lifestyle survey.

Question 1: How did you first hear about the lifestyle /swinging? What was your first reaction?

Six of the twenty-four respondents stated that they learned about the lifestyle on the internet. Five participants were introduced to the idea by their spouses/partners. Four individuals reported that a friend, co-worker, or acquaintance told them about it. One person related that he had been introduced to swinging at parties while attending college. One of the older participants stated that he had learned about swinging from magazines in a porn shop. The rest of the respondents only answered the second part of the question. According to their responses the participant’s first reactions to learning about the lifestyle ranged from disbelief and uncertainty to curiosity, intrigue and amazement. Some individuals claimed to be apprehensive when they initially decided to become

37 involved. However, all the participants expressed positive sexual excitement once they started swinging.

Question 2: From your experience with other couples, who initiates conversations about swinging, the man or the woman?

Eighteen of the participants wrote that men initiated conversations about swinging with other couples. Four respondents thought that men and women equally shared in initiating conversations of this type and some said that it depended on the situation. In some cases men spoke to men and women spoke to women to avoid offending anyone. One respondent wrote that he felt women initiated the conversations.

Question 3: How long have you been in the lifestyle /swinging? In your experience with other couples, who usually ends the couple’s participation in the lifestyle ?

The average length of time that the respondents reported being involved in the lifestyle was 5.8 years with a range of 1 to 30 years. The second part of the question regarding who ended the involvement in the lifestyle was either skipped or answered with a statement that the information was not known, by thirteen of the respondents. One participant felt that it was usually the man that ended things. Four wrote that it was the woman and six participants felt it was usually a joint decision made by the couple.

Question 4: In your opinion what is a man’s reason for swinging? The majority of the male and female respondents felt that the main reason men became involved in swinging was to add variety into their sex lives.

38 Female respondents suggested that there was the need to boost men’s egos and to avoid having affairs to fulfill these needs. Voyeurism, flirting, sexual exploration, and the excitement of watching their partners having sex with other men and women, was also reported.

Question 5: What is the woman’s reason for swinging? Four males from the group wrote that women joined the lifestyle in order to please their spouses or partners.

Most of the respondents felt that: variety, sexual discovery, fantasy fulfillment, and a desire to enhance their marriages were the reason’s women became involved in the lifestyle. The majority of the women reported that women

started swinging to feel sexy, valued, attractive, and desirable. Swinging seemed

to be a way of improving self image and self worth in these individuals. The rest

of the responses included being aroused by watching their husbands/partners with

another woman or they themselves having a sexual experience with another

woman, sexual excitement and fun from being in a sexually charged atmosphere,

and developing friendships made up the rest of the responses to the question.

Question 6: What is your view of the lifestyle ? What type of people are

involved? Do you feel it is normal or natural?

All of the respondents viewed the lifestyle as a positive experience that was a

sexual, social, and recreational aspect of their lives. Some stated that the lifestyle

was not for everyone, but gave people another way to enjoy and express their

sexuality. They described the lifestyle as being made up of a diverse group of

people from working class to wealthy. Most respondents suggested that the

39 members tended to be more intelligent, open minded, accepting of others, sociable, and well mannered than the general public. The majority stated that they felt the lifestyle was normal and natural. Some respondents suggested that monogamous relationships were unnatural and contrived by artificial social restrictions created by sexually repressive groups.

Question 7: In your opinion what is the general public’s view of the lifestyle .

Most participants felt that the public would be shocked by the lifestyle because they could not understand it. Several suggested that this response was an

American phenomenon because censorship and religious taboos regarding sex are so strong in this country. They suggested that the public would openly reject the lifestyle , but secretly quite a few would like to get involved. Three of the

respondents felt that people would be curious to try out the lifestyle , but that they

would be too afraid to broach the subject with their spouses. One man wrote that

the public’s view of the lifestyle was limited to outdated notions of wife swapping and indiscriminant orgies that would threaten the stability of the relationship. He said that another notion was that participation would threaten the perceived control that the spouse felt he or she had over the relationship. Generally, the respondents felt that due to a lack of understanding, the public tended to view the lifestyle negatively as a deviant group and was not accepting of it.

Question 8: How do you go about meeting other couples? What has been your experience with the internet, clubs, conventions, swingers vacations? What has worked best for you and what has not work?

40 The majority of those surveyed (16 participants) stated that they met other swingers via the internet, and at clubs (18 participants). People that reported positive experiences with the internet used it as the primary way to find other swingers and to get to know them before they met in person. There were a number of internet lifestyle clubs that posted swingers profiles and provided email and the ability to upload photographs. Five of the respondents reported a negative view of using the internet to meet others. They complained that it tended to be time consuming and resulted in few connections. They stated that some individuals on the internet tended to misrepresent themselves, their pictures were out of date or altered, some were picture collectors that posed as a couple to get graphic photos of swingers. During later interviews the subject of couples that sent pictures that were 10 years old and 100 pounds lighter came up frequently.

One participant wrote that there were no truth in advertising rules on the internet.

Most of the participants agreed that meeting face to face in clubs was preferable because what you saw was what you got and the atmosphere allowed for socializing, dancing and getting to know the other couple before playing.

The surveys were passed out at a swingers convention so all the participants, not surprisingly, had a positive view of conventions. Some suggested that because of the number of people and activities it would be difficult to make friends. Others felt that the laid back atmosphere of conventions and the swinger vacations provided great opportunities to make new friends. This seemed related more to how extroverted or introverted the couple was as a whole.

41 Question 9: How do you hook up with other couples in clubs? Who initiates the hook up with other couples?

Most of the participants met other couples by initiating conversations, dancing, and flirting with each other. They decided if a couple was attractive to both partners and then introduced themselves to the other couple. Through conversation and socializing the couples determined if they agreed that there was chemistry between them. Some couples asked the others if they wanted to play during the same evening, while others always made plans to meet for dinner and dancing at another time before moving toward having sex.

Most of the respondents reported that either partner could initiate a hook up with another couple as long as both partners agreed. Five of the respondents wrote that men usually initially started the conversations and that the women later joined in, both using courting language with the target couple. Four respondents reported that women initiated connections with other couples.

Question 10: When/if you go to sex clubs, please describe what you will and will not do. What agreements, boundaries and rules do you have as a couple?

Fifty percent of the respondents listed having sex in the same room as a rule.

Four individuals reported that they had no rules and that their rules were anything goes. One couple reported that their rules only applied with couples that they did not know. Some of the rules that the rest of the respondents noted were: safe sex, no pain, respect for their partner, open communication about what they thought of the other couple, oral sex only, no cum in mouth, must use condoms, no anal sex,

42 no fisting, no animal play, no blood, urine or scatology, no intercourse with others, no bi-male encounters and no taking one for the team .

Participants reported that the rules were mutually agreed upon and that there was no good reason to change them without prior discussion. Rules tended to evolve and become less restrictive as some of the couples gained more experience and became more involved in the lifestyle . Some participants claimed that they joined the lifestyle to get away from rules controlling their behavior in the first place so they did not burden their partners with rules and did not expect their partners to create rules for them.

Question 11: What concerns, if any, do you have about sexually transmitted illnesses? What do you do to protect yourself?

Nine individuals gave responses that ranged from concerned to greatly concerned about sexually transmitted illnesses. The rest of the participants wrote that they had minimal to no concerns regarding sexually transmitted illnesses. Of those who reported concerns, four individuals stated that they did not have sexual intercourse with other couples, only oral sex. Seven of the twenty-four stated that they always used condoms during intercourse. Four reported using condoms only with couples that they did not know. Six people reported that they used no protection or used condoms only if asked by the other person. Several participants wrote that they had regular check ups with a physician to rule out sexually transmitted illnesses. The rationales given by those individuals who wrote that they were not concerned about STI’s and did not use protection were that: the couple was very selective in choosing their partners; the partners they

43 had sex with were close friends; the lifestyle was a lot safer than picking up someone in a bar; most all people in the lifestyle were very clean; they wouldn’t

be in the lifestyle if they had a problem; since the lifestyle was couples oriented the chance of contracting STI’s was lower than that of the general population; they were playing with other couples in committed relationships so sex with them was safe.

Question 12: What problems have occurred in your relationship as a result of swinging? How were they resolved?

Eight individuals reported that they had experienced no problems in their relationships related to their involvement in swinging. Eight participants reported that jealousy was the main problem when they first started swinging. All of these individuals wrote that the problems they had with jealousy were resolved through communication of feelings and the development of agreements and acceptance between the partners. One woman wrote that her husband liked the lifestyle more than she did and that she just went along to make him happy. Another participant related that sometimes it was difficult for all the members of both couples to like each other. One couple reported that they needed to figure out their boundaries and issues to achieve balance between the social/sexual aspects of the lifestyle and the other parts of their life together. Two individuals complained that there was too much sexual activity all the time resulting in their not having enough time to themselves.

Question 13: What positive changes have occurred in your life/relationship because of your participation in the lifestyle/ swinging?

44 Participants stated that being part of the lifestyle made them appreciate their spouses more, brought them closer together, opened their communication with each other, and enhanced their relationships. Most participants reported that they felt they were more secure about their experience of sexuality, more self confident, with a better self image and freer to communicate about sex with others. Overall, respondents reported that participation in the lifestyle had strengthened their relationships. Respondents reported that they had developed greater honesty, less jealousy, more sense of community and enhanced sex lives.

Question 14: How have you changed personally because of swinging? What positive changes have you noticed in yourself? What negative changes?

Eleven of the participants reported greater openness with an increase in self- acceptance, a more positive body image with increased motivation to take better physical care of themselves. Seven of the participants wrote that they had become more sexual, more outgoing and secure. Few reported negative changes except the dislike that some had of having to keep their involvement in the lifestyle secret from their friends and family.

Question 15: How do you feel about the sex you have with other couples, is it good, do you reach orgasm? Are you sexually satisfied after sex with another couple, do you experience satisfaction of another kind? How do you rate the sex?

A majority of the participants rated the sex with other couples as good. One male respondent wrote that sometimes it was good, sometimes mediocre, and sometimes bad. Of the ten females, two reported that they did not experience orgasms with other couples, one related that she seldom had orgasm with sex but

45 usually felt satisfied. One woman wrote that she needed a couple of beers and a lot of foreplay to start, but most of the time she felt satisfied and rated the sex as great when she achieved orgasm. The rest of the women reported that they reached orgasm most of the time and felt satisfied. Of the male participants, six stated that they always had orgasms but varied in their satisfaction about the encounters, rating some better than others. Two men wrote that the orgasms with their partners were always the best. Four of the men reported that they had orgasms about half of the time and were generally satisfied with the sexual experience. Two men stated that they did not have intercourse with other partners but found the voyeurism and soft play with other couples to be very sexually stimulating.

Question 16: Have you developed lasting friendships with any of these couples? Please describe your relationship with them.

Seventeen of the twenty-four participants stated that they had developed lasting friendships with other swingers. Seven people reported that these friendships were very close and intimate and that the couples were considered family and attended personal family functions regularly. Ten of the respondents described their relationships as normal friendships with bonuses. They went to movies, dancing, and dinners with these couples. Two individuals wrote that they only saw their friends in the lifestyle at the conventions. Three of the participants stated that they were new to swinging and had not had time to make friends. Two participants reported that they were not looking for friends just play couples.

46 Question 17: Do you socialize in other areas of your life with friends in the lifestyle ?

Twenty participants reported that they socialized with lifestyle friends outside of the lifestyle. Some of the activities they related were going out to dinner together, movies, dancing, shopping, camping, going out for drinks and attending family get-togethers. One male participant reported that he did business with lifestyle friends. Two respondents wrote that they had not socialized with others

yet and one wrote that she did not socialize with swingers outside of the lifestyle.

Question 18: Are most women who swing enthusiastic about it? Do you think

that they enjoy the sexual experiences?

Seven of the female respondents reported that they thought most women were

enthusiastic about swinging. One suggested that if they were not that they should

not do it. One participant wrote that some women were enthusiastic but not most.

One woman reported that some women were just doing it to please their partners

and that those couples were avoided by her and her spouse. Nine of the male

respondents felt that most of the women in the lifestyle were very enthusiastic

about it. One man reported that it varied, some women handled things well and

some could not get enough of the lifestyle , he referred to these women as

hardcore. Three of the male participants wrote that most women were shy or

reticent at first but once involved, sometimes became more enthusiastic than the

men. One man suggested that they had days that they loved it and days when they

could leave it. Most of the participants felt that women enjoyed the sexual

experience. The reasons given were that they enjoyed dressing sexy, shopping for

47 party clothes, flirting, self expression, multiple stimulation and girl on girl experiences.

Question 19: What was the best experience you have had in the lifestyle/ swinging?

A female respondent wrote that the overall experience of the lifestyle was the best and added the personal changes and the changes in her relationship were the reasons that she felt that way. Another woman related that the best experience was always the one with her primary partner and the best play was when everyone played together, boys together, girls together, all playing. The sexy friendships, the convention where the survey was distributed, and an interlude with another woman were some of the answers given by the female participants. One woman shared that the best experience she had was with two men at the same time, her husband and best friend’s husband, both attending to her sexually without reciprocation from her. Another female swinger wrote that her best experiences were at house parties she and her spouse hosted in their home that ended up with all those invited participating in an orgy. Similarly, another woman reported that she loved participating in an all day or all evening group party with three to five couples, where they all swam, talked, played, fucked, ate, talked, played, fucked, swam and had fun together. One male wrote that meeting new friends and having erotic experiences with them was the best. Another reported that he met a girl that he had super chemistry with and became very close, his best friend. One man shared that his best experience was with two women, his wife and her best friend, having sex with him and then enjoying when he and another man made love to his

48 wife. One swinger wrote that on his birthday his wife and another woman, who he stated loved him, got naked and covered his body with whipped cream then proceeded to lick and rub it off. The rest of the male respondents made general statements about how wonderful the lifestyle was and that there were too many great experiences to list.

Question 20: What was your worst experience swinging?

Two female respondents denied having had any bad experiences in the lifestyle . Being mistaken for a prostitute, feeling awkward in a sexual situation and taking one for the team, (having sex with someone one did not find attractive so that the spouse could have sex with the other partner), were some of the experiences reported by women. Being mislead by another couple who said that they were soft swingers but ended up being very aggressive was one woman’s worst experience. Another shared that during her first or second experience at swinging the male partner of the other couple was “a little nuts,” and into rough sex, she stated that she had since learned that she could refuse to continue if she felt uncomfortable. The rest of the women reported mildly negative experiences of other couples being pushy, rude or just not being compatible sex partners. Two of the male respondents wrote that they had never experienced any problems in the lifestyle. Two men reported that the female counterpart of another couple had demeaned and emotionally abused their spouses in front of their spouses and them. One couple said that their worst experience was when a couple vomited in their room. One male reported having a poor experience with one of the partners of a couple they were courting while another male said that being impotent at one

49 meeting was his worst experience. Two males reported experiences with couples that were into S&M and pain. Both described the experiences as negative. One man reported that he and his wife met the couple from hell at the very beginning of their involvement in the lifestyle. He described the female of the couple as a

300+ pound hulk of a woman and the male as a scrawny bisexual who wore

women’s panties and had just been released from prison. They proudly confessed

to the participant and his wife that they were finally now really off the drugs.

Another man reported that a rude male got into the hot tub with him and his wife

at a club without saying a word to either of them and proceeded to try to have sex

with her. The rest of the male respondents reported situations where the couples

were not compatible, were pushy or were just not nice.

Question 21: What kind of problems have you had at clubs?

Five of the respondents stated that they had not experienced any problems at

clubs. Seven participants listed single men or aggressive single men as the

biggest problem they had experienced at the clubs. Several respondents

complained of rude, pushy, or weird people that ignored signals that the couples

were not interested in them. Three people felt that the clubs they attended were

cliquish and that it was difficult for new couples to meet people. A few people

complained that some clubs were not cleaned frequently enough, that there was

too much cigarette smoke, and that the music was too loud. One couple reported

that commercial clubs catered to a younger crowd and that it was hard to find

suitable partners. One couple, new to swinging, stated that they had a problem

with guys “who pimped their ladies so they can get a nut off with another lady.”

50 Question 22: Are there differences between clubs? What are they? Which are the best in your opinion? What would you like to see in the clubs? What would you like to see discontinued?

The majority of the respondents felt that there were great differences between clubs. They reported that they found that the best clubs were especially clean and care was taken to keep the atmosphere classy. Some of the respondents preferred on-premise clubs with private areas for couples, they did not like it if too many single men were allowed to attend. Some people wrote that they would like clubs that limited or prohibited smoking. Couples seemed to like clubs that were upscale and had dance floors with a stripper pole, special lighting systems and good music. They liked it when the club provided fresh sheets, clean towels and private rooms, a hot tub and swimming pool. Some of the couples wrote that most of the clubs they went to seemed dirty and one couple commented that clubs created from converted homes were the worst.

Question 23: Do you feel the lifestyle is run by women or men?

Three respondents left the question blank. Three wrote that the lifestyle was definitely run by men. Twelve respondents reported that both men and women ran the lifestyle . Six participants suggested that females were in charge because

without women there was no lifestyle. Of the individuals who believed that men

and women were in charge, there were differing conceptualizations of the role

each sex had. Some felt that men ran the business part of the lifestyle but that

women controlled the atmosphere and style. One male reported that women had

all the power in the lifestyle and that all activities revolved around them and their

51 desires. Another male wrote that it was obvious that the focus of the clothing and activities was typically geared to women. He suggested that the environment was designed to make women feel safe and comfortable to express their sexuality.

Question 24: How do you let a couple know that you do not want to have sex with them?

Individuals responded to this question by describing several different approaches to the question. Some participants were polite but very direct, making clear statements that they were not interested in the other couple for sex or simply saying no to the offer. A number of respondents relied on more covert techniques that required the other couple to read the situation or the couple’s body language correctly. They shared that they did subtle things like not returning touches, acting less friendly, avoiding them in the group, or ignoring the question and changing the subject. Several couples gave excuses for why they could not have sex that day and scheduled a future meeting with the couples and then never followed up. Half of the participants used the direct approach.

Question 25: How do you feel when you are rejected? How does your partner handle being rejected?

Several of the respondents reframed the question stating that since they did not know each other that it was not rejection, it was just a compatibility issue when couples chose not to hook up. Some took a positive view of the rejection stating that it freed them up to look for other couples and that they appreciated not having to waste time on a couple that was not interested in them. Six participants wrote that rejection was part of the process of meeting people in the lifestyle and

52 something to be expected and accepted. Eight of the participants shared that it emotionally hurt them or their partners to be rejected by another couple but that they tried not to take it personally. One couple stated that when they were rejected by another couple that they laughed, checked their deodorant, brushed their teeth, laughed some more and got right back into the mix and mingle.

Question 26: What activities and events have you participated in at the clubs?

Whose enjoyment are they geared to, men or women?

Five participants did not answer the question. Eight participants described meeting and having sex with other couples or group sex in the orgy rooms. Ten of the respondents wrote that they participated in events such as: theme parties, sexually oriented games, mixer dances, strip contests, body painting, massage, musical birthday chairs, best boobs contest, best butt contest, best faked orgasm, chocolate and whipped cream licking contests, and costume play. Five participants reported that these events were geared toward women, three felt they were designed for the men’s pleasure and seven felt that the focus of the events was for couples’ enjoyment.

Question 27: Have you participated in any lifestyle conventions or trips? If so what did you like or dislike about the events you attended.

Five respondents reported that the convention where the survey was distributed was their first one. Fourteen participants stated that they had attended more than one convention. Generally, the respondents reported that what they liked the most about conventions was the mix of people that attended them. They enjoyed the parties, events, and the vacation with fringe benefits. Several people wrote that

53 they liked the workshops, dancing and hospitality rooms. Four of the participants complained that the music was usually too loud at the dances and this interfered with conversation and sexy slow dancing. One individual wrote that the worst thing was the reaction of the communities in which the conventions were held, which he surmised, resulted in the hosts having to use second rate accommodations in some cases.

Question 28: At what age did you become sexually active?

The average age of sexual initiation for the female participants was 15.2 years of age (n=10), with a range of 14 to 20 years of age. The mean age of sexual initiation for men was 16.6 years of age (n=14), with a range of 12 to 26 years. If the outlier (26) was removed the average age for men dropped to 15.8 years.

Question 29: What were your views about sex before you joined the lifestyle ?

Have they changed and, if so, in what way?

One female respondent stated that before joining the lifestyle she hated sex,

was very modest and had a difficult time giving herself orgasms. After she

became involved, she found sex to be an exciting experience to enjoy. She shared

that she felt the openness had allowed her to experience orgasms more easily.

Another woman reported that she had the normal hang ups, equated love with sex

and felt that having sex meant you had to love your sex partner. This woman

related that the idea of having recreational sex was freeing to her, another woman

who had equated sex with love in the past responded similarly. Some of the male

respondents shared that before they joined the lifestyle , they worried about getting

partners, performing sexually, or were envious of other people’s sexual

54 experiences. One answered the question “I was a novice monk, duh?” Most of the male and female respondents wrote that they had viewed sex positively before becoming involved in the lifestyle and that their participation had only enhanced their views.

Interviews and Observations

Interview with Sarah (anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004).

Participant. Sarah volunteered to be interviewed about her experiences regarding the lifestyle.

The researcher’s introduction to the first Lifestyle club explored in this study was initiated by Sarah. He met her at a seminar on Tantric sex where she shared that she was a swinger and suggested that he should explore the Lifestyle . Sarah asked the researcher to meet her during the daytime at a Fort Lauderdale swing club. Due to the expense involved in exploring the lifestyle club scene, the researcher was limited to observing the activities occurring at three area clubs on three separate occasions. However, club members interviewed at each club told the researcher that what he observed was an average occurrence for that particular club.

Sarah was in the process of decorating the building to give it a different atmosphere. She met the researcher at the back door that led through the

Luvnasium, which was a large open room with mattresses placed together like a large mosaic, creating a giant bed. The place was in disarray with sheets pulled off the beds and condom wrappers on the floor. Some of the mattresses were stained and the smell of the room was a combination of mildew, wet fabric and a

55 staleness that occurs when the air conditioner in a building has been off for a day.

The club was not scheduled to open that evening so the cleaning crew had not been around to set things up. The club has since undergone renovations and the group room has been modernized. The floor mattresses have been removed and replaced with modular beds and what appeared to be washable vinyl mattresses.

Sarah was clearing a utility room to use for her supplies and was interviewed as she worked. She stated that she had been in the swinging scene since the

1970’s in southern California. She was very open about her views on sex and the lifestyle with strong opinions about both. Sarah began the interview by stating that the lifestyle was the most threatening group to marriages because if the couple’s marriage was not intact and they considered swinging there are many things that could and have happened. She felt that people should be afraid, that the reason there are so many rules for swinging was that things happened. It was her opinion that many women came into swinging because they wanted to find romance and that the lifestyle and male swingers in particular were not romantic entities. Clubs were not set up to make women feel adored and sexy according to

Sarah. She felt that the myth of coming to the club and finding the perfect stranger who would romantically sweep them of their feet was the reason many women agreed to go to a club. She had the experience of seeing couples meet with other couples and end up divorcing their spouses and switching partners.

These were the dangers that she reported could cause great upheavals in people’s lives (anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004).

56 Another danger Sarah felt was very important to face was jealousy. She said that many swingers stated that they did not have jealousy in their marriages. She felt that the agreements couples made not to be jealous were tantamount to denial and could damage the relationship if not openly explored. She suggested that couples needed to discuss as many possible issues or scenarios that could occur and what they would do to deal with them, prior to swinging. The important thing was to agree to face problems and openly communicate feelings, in this way,

Sarah felt that swinging could be an opportunity for developing a very strong relationship. Sarah stated that when this was accomplished one of the most fun experiences in swinging could occur, “the conversation on the way home, there is never any lack of checking people out and them doing strange things”

(anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004).

Sarah felt the many women did not ever experience orgasms in the club but rather, faked it and would not admit it. She stated “the guy jumps on his wife and she starts moaning and all the women know she’s full of it.” She stated that having an orgasm in a club is difficult,

there‘s too much going on, I have to concentrate, I have to train

somebody, I have to have one guy that knows my body, that’s

willing to take the time, that’s got a strong wrist, that will stay with

me no matter what, that I can trust will stay with me (anonymous personal

communication, March 2, 2004).

Consequently, she shared that she does not have orgasms in the clubs and does not think that many of the other women do either.

57 Sarah felt that men love to go to the clubs because they get to see naked women and have the possibility of having sex with a strange woman. Women on the other hand had the problem that once they agreed to go to the clubs they could not go back to the way the relationship was before. They felt pressure to go so they developed avoidance strategies according to Sarah. Some of the strategies included, finding many reasons for not having sex with another couple because something was not perfect, the setting of extremely high standards, or claiming to be out of commission due to menses. Another strategy was to delay until the end of the night to have sex when there was little time and they were inebriated.

Then, according to Sarah, “they just lie down and put up with it and they don’t say anything and don’t complain about not having their own orgasm” (anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004). Sarah reported that some women love swinging because someone else took care of their husband’s needs and relieved the pressure placed on them (anonymous, personal communication, March 2,

2004). One single male that approached the researcher in a Miami club shared that he and his ex-wife used to swing together but that she would be extremely picky. He reported that he would approach a couple that he felt was attractive and she would not like something about the male. This individual remarked that his wife only wanted Brad Pitt so they could never enjoy swinging. He denied that his divorce stemmed from this issue (anonymous personal communication, May 6,

2005).

Sarah stated that she and her husband did not have intercourse with other couples. They both liked oral sex and Sarah liked to practice a repertoire of

58 techniques to keep things interesting. She spoke about many of her experiences and opinions about sex for several hours and suggested that the researcher go to the club when it was open to see things for himself (anonymous personal communication, March 2, 2004).

Interviews and Observations at Clubs

Particpants. The members of three South Florida on-premise swing clubs were observed and those that approached the researcher were informally interviewed.

The researcher went to three different South Florida, on premise, private clubs.

He chose not to name the clubs because it was not his intention to show preference for one club over another, or to suggest that the limited observations he made represented the general functioning of the particular club he explored. The researcher presented his experience of the lifestyle as it was observed on three separate nights at three popular clubs.

Club A – July 7, 2004

The researcher was invited to a Ft. Lauderdale club before opening to meet the owners and apparently to help Sarah put up decorations. She had invited the researcher to join her at 5:00 p.m. and the club did not open until 7:00 or 8:00 p.m. This left a great deal of time to explore the club. There were several other people in the club and the researcher observed two women dressed in schoolgirl outfits decorating the main dance floor area. Sarah introduced the researcher to

Sally and John, the hosts of the party to be held in the club that evening.

59 When asked how they started hosting these club parties, John shared that he and Sally and been in the lifestyle for several years and that things had started to get boring (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). They would go to the clubs and nothing would be happening. When they connected with a couple online and decided to meet, he said it felt like they were getting ready for a first date each time. They never knew what to expect and the anticipation was stressful. John and Sally would dress up and head to the meeting place only to have the other couple either not show up, or to have sent them pictures that were ten years old and taken when they weighed 100 pounds less. John said the last straw was when they were waiting thirty minutes for a couple that had written that they liked mountain biking in their email. He saw a car with mountain bikes drive by slowly with the occupants looking at them. John said what they were doing was scoping them out to decide whether to even show up to the meeting. When they finally arrived, he asked them if that was what they were doing and they admitted it was. John related that not only were they thirty minutes late but they were rude enough that they might not even have come. He got very frustrated and decided then, that there had to be another way to meet people so why not have a party for that purpose (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004).

Club A had started to decline in member attendance at that time, according to

John, and he approached the owners with a proposal to increase business on their worst day of the month. He was told that the last Thursday of the month was always the slowest because people usually had bills due around that time and did not frequent the clubs. He offered to host a party to bring in business on that

60 night and worked out a financial arrangement. John and Sally then got online and created chatter about the great party at Club A last night and all the things that

went on at the fabricated party event. They stated that there would be another

party the next month on the last Thursday of the month that should not be missed.

They continued to promote the myth of the great party that everybody missed and

the next month people were lined up down the street to attend the party. John and

Sally have run very successful parties for many years since that time and

attendance remains high due to their reputation (anonymous personal

communication, July 7, 2004).

John stated that Sally was an exhibitionist and had been famous for public

flashing so after the party events became so successful they decided to start a

website which, according to him, became world renowned. This was at the

beginning of the era of websites and John intimated that they had made a great

deal of money early on. They started taking pictures at the parties and put them

on the website where people who had paid memberships could access them. Over

the years, what started out as a recreational activity to have fun and meet people

became a business that they took on the road to other clubs. They developed

theme parties where the attendees would come dressed up as schoolgirls or in the

sheerest clothes they had, fetish clothes, etc. (anonymous personal

communication, July 7, 2004).

John, Sally, and her friend hung party steamers, blew up balloons, and put out

cards and brochures for their website. They planned to give away seven trips to

lifestyle resorts in Cancun and Jamaica as prizes that evening. The music was

61 tested on the equipment and a list given to the DJ to follow. Things were set up following rigid guidelines developed by John and Sally to go with the games they would be presenting. The DJ was given some control to change music if the people were not dancing, but was required to follow the program set up for the most part. John and Sally brought their own music CD’s because they left nothing to chance at their parties (anonymous personal communication, July 7,

2004). Sarah had related that there were times when the DJ played music that did not appeal to the crowd and no one got up to dance for the whole night. Gauging the taste of the crowd seemed to be an important issue at the clubs because when people were not dancing and having a good time, the researcher observed, they were telling each other how boring or dead the club was that night.

The room was a large open area with two stripper poles on small platforms, the requisite disco mirror ball and colored light machine hung in the center of the ceiling. There was a bar at the far northeast section and the DJ’s stage was on the southeast section. There were television sets over the bar and at several strategic points throughout the room that played a constant loop of pornographic films.

Sarah commented that this added a sleaze factor that she was trying to get the club owners to change (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). However, this seemed to be common to all three clubs and may have the intended function of keeping a sexual charge in the atmosphere. There was a buffet area set up in the southwest corner of the room and the entrance to the Jacuzzi room was across from it down the short hallway to the entrance. Restaurant style tables with folding chairs were located at two areas around the dance floor where people

62 could sit down to have drinks and eat their meals. The Jacuzzi room was an enclosed area with frosted French doors and pillows surrounding a small pool sized Jacuzzi. The sign on the door made it clear that only members wearing towels were allowed in the area. Sarah invited the researcher to take a dip with her before the club opened but the invitation was respectfully declined.

Sarah’s husband arrived and they went into the back room for about an hour then returned and had dinner. Sarah’s husband suggested that the researcher mingle with the members and attempted to introduce several people to him but none seemed interested in speaking to the researcher. Sarah greeted a couple that was in line at the buffet table and the woman came over the say hello. She was very tall and appeared to be in her late sixties. The woman was dressed in a schoolgirl outfit with a white spandex top that hardly maintained her ample breasts. Sarah introduced the researcher and asked her if she would be willing to fill out a survey. She initially declined asking if her name would be used and still declined after being assured that the survey was anonymous. The woman told

Sarah that she felt uncomfortable in the cloths she was wearing; she complained that she felt she was exploding out of them. Sarah reached up and pulled down the front of the woman’s top exposing her breasts and arranged them so that the spandex was folded under each one. Sarah told her that she should wear them that way the rest of the night because that was what the men liked. The woman commented that she thought she looked like she was really exploding and pulled the top back up. The invasion of the woman’s personal space and physical being did not seem to bother or offend her, it was treated as if someone had straightened

63 a friend’s collar or brushed lint off a shoulder. People at the clubs functioned at a much more liberal level when in came to situations like the one observed above.

It was not unusual to see people greeting each other with kisses and intimate caresses.

The researcher’s hosts decided to leave at 9:30 p.m. after they finished eating and suggested that he stay past 11:00 p.m. when people started moving to the back rooms.

The researcher returned to the table and observed the members as they began to arrive. There was another bar to the right of the entry doors and past that room were others that were set up for couples, one had a pool table and more televisions. Smoking was allowed and permeated the air in all the rooms. The researcher went to the back of the club where the group sex room was located.

There was a strange looking piece of equipment in the corner of the hallway before the first left turn. It was made of black lacquered metal pipe and the type of padding found on gym equipment. The sex chair had places where a couple or group could sit in different positions for sexual activity. Down the hall to the right was the group sex room, which was vacant at the time the researcher passed through. The room had been set up with clean sheets on the beds and the decorations seemed to glow in the muted light. There were black leather couches along the wall facing the beds, which had been moved together to create one large bed. In the northeast corner of the room there was a small room with curtains that could be closed for privacy. The room had a black leather massage table with straps attached that could presumably be used for tying someone down. Directly

64 across the hall were several small private rooms each decorated differently and containing a mattress with clean sheets on the floor. The dressing room was at the end of the hall and looked like a high school locker room except that it was coed and had an attendant. The attendant assigned lockers to those members that wanted to change into a towel, he also provided the members with condoms if asked.

The researcher returned to the main room where most of the tables were filled with people eating and socializing. The members started arriving in greater numbers and the researcher was joined at his table by a young Latin American couple. Jeff and Lisa shared that they had been dating for two years and had recently moved to Florida from Pennsylvania (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). They reported that they had been to clubs up north but had not had sex in one yet. They had been to a club called Kama Sutra in

Philadelphia and described it as an incredible experience for them. According to

Jeff and Lisa the club had two stories and the ceiling of the first story, which was the usual nightclub style bar, was the glass floor of the orgy room upstairs. The researcher found later that on November 13, 2005 the City of Philadelphia ordered Club Kama Sutra to close and cease operations, they are currently in litigation according to Red’s blog at www.clubkamasutra.com . Jeff was in his late twenties and Lisa was in her early twenties. Lisa shared that they had experienced group sex before, on one occasion, by bringing a man home that they met at a bar. She said that she still had not let Jeff bring home another woman

65 because she felt she would get too jealous. Jeff said that he was letting her move at her own pace (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004).

The party started at around 10:30 p.m. when John took the stage and began letting the crowd know what a great time they would have that night. He talked about the music and encouraged people to get up and dance. One of the first events of the night was to celebrate Sally’s birthday. The cake was brought out and people had pictures taken with her blowing out the candles while they exposed themselves. Sally then was placed in a chair by the stage and the bartender came over with bottle of liquor that was lit like a Molotov cocktail, he proceeded to blow flames over the heads of the onlookers in an impressive display. He pulled the flaming cork from the bottle and asked the crowd who was going to drink this particular liquor from Sally’s clit. A woman from the crowd immediately volunteered and the bartender poured the alcohol down Sally’s chest as the woman licked it from her labia. Several men and women joined the line and did the same. The bartender poured the liquor on Sally’s breasts and two women started licking and sucking them while the others continued taking turns with her genitals. After some time Sally got up from the chair and another woman took her place bending over the chair while the bartender poured the liquor down her back to be licked from that direction. This woman had shaved her pubic area and had affixed a business card to the area above her pubic bone advertising her website. John joked that she had placed her advertisement in the best location, where everyone was bound to see it that night.

66 Jeff and Lisa returned to the table and shared that they had been to a party at another club where, as a contest, the men stood behind a wall that had holes at groin level placed in a line. The men were each told to place their penis through the hole in front of them and to stay silent. The women were blindfolded and had to pick out their partner just by the feel of his penis. Lisa proudly stated that she won the contest (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). The researcher discussed the study with Lisa while Jeff went to get drinks at the bar.

Shortly after Jeff left the table a tall man in his fifties bent down and whispered something into her ear totally ignoring the researcher. Lisa told him no several times and he moved away as Jeff approached with drinks. She shared that he had told her that if he were her date he would never leave her alone sitting at a table and that she should go with him to the back room. Lisa said she had tried to be polite, but this was the second time that evening he had approached her and been rejected and the next time she planned to use stronger language. She excused herself to use the ladies room and Jeff explained that when they had been watching Sally earlier, Lisa had pulled off her panties while standing on the platform with the stripper pole and gave them to Jeff. Jeff said that the guy moved his hand up her thigh from behind and she had told him she was not interested (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). This was a clear example of a single man breaking the rules of etiquette.

Between events the crowd danced and several women were nude while many were dressed in the school girl theme of a plaid mini skirt and white shirt. Two well-nourished women at the end of the table kept looking back at the researcher,

67 smiling and whispering to each other. The one on the left gave the other a deep

French kiss while staring at the researcher, then pulled open the woman’s shirt and started fondling, sucking and licking her breasts as the other watched him.

The researcher focused on the crowd dancing. Initially it would have been hard to distinguish the group from what would be normally seen at any club. However, as the evening continued, women started to pull up their skirts to reveal that they were not wearing panties and people began to go topless or completely nude and to rub against each other provocatively.

The people ranged in age from early 20’s to late 70’s with a mean age of approximately 35 to 40 years. The group was mostly Caucasian, but there were a few minorities present. Lisa joked that most of these people were older than her parents and wondered what her parents did when she was not around. One man, who appeared to be in his late seventies, arrived with a woman who looked to be in her teens. They sat behind the researcher and the man seemed to only speak

French, as the young woman translated for him. Jeff and Lisa both gave the researcher a comical look.

The next event was the white panty dance where Sally and five other women got on the bar and were encouraged to take off their underwear to the music in the sexiest manner they could. Most of the women tossed their panties into the crowd. Sally was not wearing underwear so she just pulled up her skirt and flashed people. Sally and the women continued to strip until they were completely nude. They danced and kissed, fondled and licked each other. John called for other women in the crowd to join the ones on the stage. There was a

68 Latin American couple near the front of the crowd and the women pulled the female up onto the stage. She was a strikingly beautiful woman with dark black hair, who was obviously uncomfortable with the situation. John enthusiastically encouraged her and the crowd, stating that her husband approved. She appeared very nervous but started dancing on the stage. The woman next to her began removing her leather skirt. The dark haired woman looked embarrassed as her skirt was removed but kept dancing in her black panties. The woman next to her tried to pull the dark haired woman’s panties off at the encouragement of John and the crowd. The dark haired woman crouched down, nervously laughing, and would not allow the other woman to pull them off. Failing to accomplish her goal, she instead pulled off the dark haired woman’s top. She continued to dance topless with the other nude women. They tried again to pull off her panties and she resisted by crouching down again. John again chided that her husband approved and she continued to dance with a nervous smile on her face. Finally, the woman next to her kneeled down in front of her as if she were going to kiss her on the upper thigh and pulled her panties off with her teeth. The crowd cheered and John exclaimed how beautiful she was. Shortly after she was completely nude, the woman got off the stage and quickly dressed. Participation seemed to be coerced in this particular situation but the researcher was unable to make contact with that particular couple due to the events that unfolded at the party. The couple remained at the party and was observed smiling and joking with each other later that evening. Sally and John kept the show going.

69 Sally could be described as a very attractive petite blonde woman with a dancer’s body. The other women dancing on the bar ranged from attractive to not so conventionally attractive. One woman dancing on the stage nude looked to be in her sixties, her face was fleshy and wrinkled, she had huge false breasts with one inch diameter hoop rings piercing her nipples and a huge surgical scar across the sagging flesh of her belly. Some women looked like models, some were obese, while others appeared anorexic. The interesting observation was that all these women were treated as if they were equally beautiful. When they got naked the crowd cheered. Being polite and making people feel good about themselves was apparently a big factor in this particular club. Swingers, the researcher observed, went out of their ways to build up each other’s egos and self esteem.

Every woman appeared to be treated as sexually attractive even though they might be politely rejected as a sexual partner. The group gathered together for a school picture for Sarah’s website then moved on to the next event.

Musical chairs swinger’s style was the next game of the night. Approximately fourteen men that volunteered were placed in a circle with one knee on the floor, facing out with their backs to the circle. The fifteen women were nude or mostly nude (some wore panties) and were told to circle the men while the music played.

When the music stopped the women had to sit on the closest man’s knee and the one left out lost and was taken out of the game along with one of the men. John kept up a vocal patter, telling the women to keep moving and that they would be disqualified if they stopped in one place too long. Women used tricks to stay in the game, some lingered around a man by placing their genitals in his face to be

70 licked and no one chided them to move when they were doing something sexually provocative. So naturally many of the women adopted this strategy. Sally participated in the event as a wild card, meaning she couldn’t win any prizes but the others had to compete with her. Sally was more physically fit than most of the participants and was able to move very quickly. Near the end there were five men and six women left. Two of the women were rather obese but quick and the smaller women could not push them out of the way. When it got down to four men and five women, the men were told to lay down face up with their legs in the circle. The women circled the men and when the music stopped they sat on the closest man’s face. There was still one obese woman in the game and it seemed that things could be dangerous if this woman rushed and slipped on to a man’s face. But the atmosphere was highly charged and the group cheered them on.

The women tried the same tricks to stay in the game, they would squat down on a man’s face and linger as the man licked them while they moaned or made ecstatic expressions. Then they would slowly stand up and quickly move to the next man and do the same thing. The prize was a trip to Cancun so people were trying their best to win. The game neared the end with three women and one man. Sally remained in as the wildcard and two other slim blonde women circled the man as the music played and John made comments. When the music stopped the woman nearest the man’s head planted herself on his face, the other attempted to push her off and take her place but failed. The crowd cheered as John awarded the prize to the winner. By that time the club had begun to fill up with a more diverse crowd.

Some African American and African Caribbean couples and singles had joined

71 the outer fringes of the observers and more Latin American couples began to show up.

The dancing started to get more erotic and more people were naked, women were dancing using the stripper poles while onlookers touched them. Guys on the prowl could be seen approaching women and being rejected. The researcher observed Lisa once again being approached by the older man and this time her expression was angry and after a verbal exchange he retreated quickly.

John announced that for the next event a woman who had given thirty blowjobs at the last party wanted to break her own record and that participants should line up. She was a slim blonde in her mid-thirties. He stated that this event would be photographed for their website so if men wanted to remain anonymous they had masks to pass out to them. A man in his seventies was first in line and the woman began performing fellatio on him. John called for men to leave the dance floor while the event was going on and naked women started dancing as a background to the woman giving blowjobs. Two of the dancers started performing fellatio on men from the crowd and one started performing cunnilingus on Sally. Then a man started licking the genitals of the woman that was servicing Sally and soon moved into position for intercourse, penetrating her doggie style while she continued working on Sally. Another couple laid down on the floor in a 69 position and started having oral sex with each other. An African

American male that had been walking around in a towel all night, opened the towel and a woman from the crowd began performing fellatio on him immediately. The crowd was laughing and joking, enjoying the activities that

72 they were watching. John called all the women that had been having oral and vaginal sex with the crowd to come up on the stage. He held his hand above the head of each of the women and let the crowd vote on who would win the trip with their applause.

Earlier in the evening, Sally had been on stage throwing party favors out to the crowd. The researcher did not see what they were but she had stated that the boxes contained something for him and her. The researcher suspected that these were not cheap party favors judging from the responses of the crowd. John shared that from one of their parties they make more money than most people make in a month (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). It was apparent that the crowd felt it was well worth it. John announced that anyone who wanted their picture to appear in Sally’s website had to come forward and sign a consent form.

The Sally’s party ended and people continued dancing, couples could be observed on the couches and chairs having sex. Four couples were in the Jacuzzi and one man in a towel stood in the doorway of that room watching the action.

At around 1:30 a.m. some couples started moving to the back room. However, the researcher noticed that single men in towels appeared to be in the majority and may have been the reason why the majority of couples remained in the main room. The single men came out of the back room in robes or towels, appeared to search the room and then returned to the back alone. Many of the couples moved to the front bar where they smoked, drank and socialized.

73 Club B – July 16, 2004

The second club the researcher explored was also located in Ft. Lauderdale and was advertised as South Florida’s #1 on premise swing club. The researcher arrived at the club at 9:30 p.m. He drove into the parking lot and valet parked. It was necessary to valet park because the place was in what looked like a little warehouse area and there was no other parking except for a small pub across the street. Upon passing through a door marked private club the researcher entered a small foyer where two men were standing behind a counter. The experience was like entering a small hotel lobby. They were talking to each other and when they saw the researcher they offered their assistance. The least expensive membership available for a single male was $100.00 for 1 month. The entry fee for a single male on Friday night was $75.00. The membership fees were posted on the wall behind the counter. The researcher gave them $175.00 and they produced two sheets of information that had to be signed. The paper had a list of ten items that had to be initialed. This was basically an agreement that the person signing was not offended by public nudity, would not be offended if approached for sex, and would not be offended by seeing sexual activity. The researcher was asked to sign the form. He was then asked for a driver’s license to confirm identity and a membership contract was signed swearing that he was not offended by sexual activity, that he was aware that this was a private club, that he might see various sexual activities going on and that he had the right to leave. Basically, it stated that the researcher was completely aware of everything going on in the club and that he was entering at his own risk.

74 Initially when entering the club it appeared larger because the back wall was mirrored and gave the illusion of a second room beyond the dance floor. There was a bar area to the right side of the entrance, with bar stools and café tables with very nice chairs. On the left side was another section of the café chairs, which were positioned around the edge of the dance floor. The dance floor had one stripper pole, the requisite disco mirror ball, and disco lights. There was a DJ at the left hand corner behind where the people sat to eat and drink. The Club A DJ was right up front and in the middle of the action. The DJ at Club B played from

a less obvious location. People were dancing when the researcher arrived and

there were no seats available. He immediately went to the bar to get a club soda

and decide where to position himself since the plan had been to get a table and

then sit and observe the activities. The researcher was about to choose a position

in a corner by the bar when he heard someone call his name. Sally and John were

at the front table and they invited him to join them. They were eating dinner,

which looked very appetizing. The entree’ appeared to be a Beef Wellington with

potatoes and vegetables. There was a chef present to slice and serve the meat.

The evening entry fee includes a buffet style dinner with dessert. Coffee, soft

drinks and drink mixers are all free. Members were encouraged to tip the

bartenders and the staff for their service. The members were allowed to bring

their own bottle of liquor. John explained that, when a member brings a bottle his

or her membership number is placed on the bottle and they take it to the bar. The

member simply goes to the bartender and gives him his or her number or gives the

number to a waitress and a glass of the liquor is delivered. The bartender will use

75 the member’s liquor to make mixed drinks at their request. Members could literally have any type of drink that they wanted as long as they brought the liquor to make it (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004).

John and Sally took the researcher on a tour of the place to show him the back rooms before the activity started. They took him into the couples room, where single men were not allowed. The room had a row of mattresses along the wall creating the impression of a large rectangular bed. An attendant was posted at the door at 11:00 p.m. His job was to turn away single men if they tried to enter the couple’s area. John shared that the only problem with this set up was that sometimes they ended up with couples on each side of them that they did not find attractive. They then had to get up and move to a better position near a more compatible group. He said that the large square set up at club A allowed them to reach out in many directions. They would simply scoot towards a couple they were more comfortable with and not seem rude (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004).

There was another large room with beds where single men were allowed to enter next to a lounge area. The lounge area had black velvet couches shaped in a square along the center of the room. Approximately 15-20 people could sit comfortably in that area and there was a small bar to the left of the entrance with

8-9 bar stools and some comfortable chairs near the wall. This was an area where clothing was not allowed. Members were required to take their clothes off in the locker room and put on a towel. The lounge served as the next stage before couples and singles hooked up and went into the sex rooms. John stated that at

76 this stage you found people fondling each other and doing other things. This was where people got to know each other enough to decide whether they were compatible sex partners. Some people had sex right in the lounge. Club B had a second lounge that was sealed with a glass partition. This was a small non- smoking area that was very nice because the other clubs did not provide a place to escape the smoke. The non-smoking room had several small couches, was dimly lit and seemed to be a more intimate setting.

John explained how process of hooking up with a couple worked. The couple

(or single) approached the couple they were interested in and the male may initiate the conversation. The male may come and give a complement about the outfit the other wife is wearing, or the shoes she is wearing and the women can do the same. Usually the woman made the connection for sex, John joked that Sally was the bait to catch good couples. Both partners then must approve of the couple and visa versa. One person could veto the connection if they were not attracted to the other spouse (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004).

The researcher observed an interaction between John, Sally and a couple that approached them. John did not find them attractive and commented to the researcher that they were not in their league. Sally was talking to them and was very polite. The couple stated that they had been at Sally’s party the other day but had not really enjoyed it because they had not found anyone to hook up with.

John was visibly insulted by this and began enumerating to the researcher the reasons he felt they had not found anyone. He spoke in a joking but sarcastic manner in a tone that could be overheard. He basically chased them away. John

77 shared his feelings about the interaction the researcher had witnessed. He said the couple approached them and said hello but misread the polite response as an invitation to join them at their table. They then proceeded to complain about the lifestyle in the area and mentioned that they had not cared for the party that John and Sally hosted. They were dressed in casual street clothes and were rather plain in appearance. John said that he knew that Sally would not be rude so he had to do something to send the message that they were not welcome to latch onto them for the whole evening (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004).

After the couple left, a young attractive women introduced herself to Sally and they went to the dance floor together. They danced together in a very sexually provocative manner. Sally got behind her and the woman grinded her hips into

Sally’s pelvis, in very erotic looking dance. Sally pulled down the top of her dress and pulled up the bottom so that she looked like she was only wearing a colorful sash around her waist during the dance. John was attracted to the young woman when he saw her. He said that he needed to check out the husband to make sure that he was Sally’s type and proceeded to where the woman’s spouse was sitting. The spouse apparently fit the type and it appeared that everything started to move in the right direction for them. John sent Sally over to talk to the couple then they came back sat down. He told the researcher that things looked good and they danced some more. The researcher was amused by observing the couple’s excitement and enjoyment of the subtle negotiations of hooking up with another couple. They seemed to glean pleasure from every part of the process.

78 If a couple was attracted to another couple or a single male or female, usually the husband approached the male and struck up a conversation with him. Then after the initial introductions, if his wife approved, they moved to the next stage.

It was apparent from what the researcher observed that the women did the hunting, as John had said. The woman was sent out to make the connection, so even though the man had actually sent the woman, she experienced the rejection if the other couple was not interested. John commented that man’s role was to be the cheerleader and to ease rejection by telling his mate that it was the other couple’s loss (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004). Later, he went over to the couple they were interested in to speak with them again.

Sally shared that John had involved her in the lifestyle and that initially when she had come to the club she was terrified at what she thought might happen and clung to him very closely. She was sitting next to the researcher, topless while she spoke. This extraverted individual who has had sex parties, orgies, fetish parties and has played out all kinds of roles for her website, said that she still would never come to a club alone and never strayed very far from John. Sally felt safe because John was there to protect her if she needed protection (anonymous personal communication, July 16, 2004). Even in the safe atmosphere of the club some of the women are still not comfortable alone.

There were women there who did come alone and Sally pointed to a rather large woman in a brown dress. She stated that the woman comes to all the clubs, goes to the nude beach and hooks up with other couples and women. She was a well-nourished lady with masculine facial features that the researcher did not

79 think would be considered attractive by conventional standards. However, Sally said that she attended nearly every event and that they knew her very well.

Apparently, there were some women that were comfortable coming to the club alone.

The researcher mentioned that the couple that had been rejected earlier had complained that people were not friendly at this club. Sally disputed their claim.

She shared that she was originally from the South and that when she first came to

Florida she did not realize how different the people were. They were not as friendly as people were in her home state. She clarified that her perception applied to people outside the Lifestyle . She said that people in the Lifestyle were

polite, nice and they “don’t have airs.” She said that you might run into someone

outside and they will “put on airs.” She commented that with her what you see is

what you get. Sally said that she was the same person shopping at Publix as she

was sitting here in the club. John returned and Sally again pulled her dress up so

that it looked like a sash around her waist and went to dance.

She was approached by a man in a towel who the researcher had noticed

approaching other women. She appeared to politely decline whatever he asked

and continued dancing. John said this man was what they called a towel shark.

These were men that did not understand the way things worked or chose to ignore

the implicit rules of etiquette. He said that they usually got undressed and came

out into the main rooms long before the other members began disrobing. Some of

them could be pretty aggressive and obnoxious but the clubs had staff around to

quickly remove anyone who became a problem. He said that some clubs give out

80 shark repellant to women that ask for it. This consisted of a wristband that was a signal for single men not to even try. It meant that the women were not interest in talking to, dating, or seeing single men. John felt that this was a bad policy for a club to adopt because if a man paid $175.00 to get into the club and everyone was wearing shark repellant, then that person was never going to come back again. He felt it was unlikely that the man would take the chance again because he had wasted $175.00 to be rejected. However, if the men come to a club without the wristbands and got rejected by a few couples, they still could think they had a chance and may return. They would get to tell their friends they went to the club and saw everything and they may come back and try again (anonymous personal communication, July 7, 2004). The towel shark character was very obvious but there were other men that seemed to be staying on the fringes of the activity.

They watched the activities and did not seem to approach anyone.

John and Sally excused themselves from the table at around 12:30 a.m. They said that they were going to the back room and the researcher observed them leaving the main room with the couple they had approached earlier. Throughout the evening people were dancing to the music. Sometimes there were many people on the dance floor. As it got later more women began to expose their breasts and one woman performed fellatio on her partner. After 12:30 a.m. it seemed that everyone had stopped dancing. The lights were turned down, the music kept playing and some of the people remained seated at the little bars and tables.

81 The majority of the people moved into the back rooms so at that point the researcher walked to the back room. He passed by the non-smoking area and it was completely dark. The silhouettes of people could be made out through the glass but it was not possible to observe what they were doing.

The researcher noticed that in the men’s bathroom that the door to the stall was very short so that anyone walking into the bathroom could look directly into the toilet stall. It was suggested by a friend in law enforcement that this was done to ensure that no one was using illicit drugs in the bathrooms. The researcher found it interesting that this was such a policed area. The researcher was informed by a friend that many of the club members were in law enforcement.

There were no illegal drugs allowed in the building. The contract stated that if an individual was caught using illegal drugs, they would be asked to leave the building and would be permanently barred from the club.

Earlier in the night, the researcher noticed that there were some people who seemed more confident, flashing and doing other sexually provocative things.

There were other people who were dressed in regular clothes who seemed more subdued and just danced. The researcher had observed one woman that seemed to fit the subdued category. She had long hair and was dressed in nice jeans and a plain blouse. Her boyfriend or husband was with her and they danced all night but did not expose anything or do anything provocative. The researcher wondered if this couple would move to the back room or leave at the end of the evening. When the researcher entered the locker area the woman he had seen on

82 the dance floor walked out wearing only a towel around her waist. Her spouse or boyfriend followed behind her and went into the lounge area.

The researcher noticed that there were five people in the locker room disrobing. The locker room was well lit, coed and attended by a male staff member. Everyone undressed there and was given a towel from the attendant as they left the room. The researcher did not enter the group sex area when it was occupied because he was not sure of the rules at the time. He left the club at

12:45 a.m. and was sent off with a cheerful good night by the manager. The researcher noted the professional and courteous manner in which the staff treated the members. It had the feel of a very classy nightclub with a disco theme. The crowd was much nicer than in the usual club scene and definitely much more polite.

Club C – May 6, 2005

The researcher enlisted the help of a female friend to enter a swingers club in

Miami as a couple and observe the activities from that perspective. The assistant was a young attractive blonde woman in her early twenties. She dressed for the part in black revealing club wear. The researcher, a graying, long-haired, man in his late forties, wore a black dress shirt and black slacks. The assistant volunteered to help gather information and guidelines to ensure her comfort and safety were discussed prior to entering the club. She did not have any problems during the evening or after the experience and proved to be extremely helpful.

She reported that her friends had been to Club B in Ft. Lauderdale and that she

had been curious to check out a lifestyle club.

83 The night was advertised as Freaky Friday and the researcher and female assistant arrived at the club at approximately 10:00 p.m. The valet parked the car and the researcher observed that the parking lot was not very crowded. The researcher and assistant signed up as a couple and filled out the paper work for a three month membership. The membership and entry fee for the night came to

$130.00. The front door of the club was locked and required pressing a buzzer to be allowed to enter. This required people to enter the alcove where fees were paid and the rules for membership were explained. There was a sign that stated no prostitution and don’t even joke about prostitution on the wall above the check in counter. After all the papers were signed the bottle of champagne the researcher brought was labeled with the new membership number and he was told to give it to a bartender. The greeter then buzzed the researcher and his assistant through a set of frosted French doors that led to the club. The bottle was given to the bartender at the bar across the room to the right of the entryway and he opened it and filled two champagne glasses.

The entrance opened into the main room, which had the usual dance floor with the requisite disco mirror ball and dancer pole. There was a bar along the wall to the right of the entrance with small tables and chairs positioned around the dance floor. The DJ was upstairs above the entry door and there was another small bar to the left of the entrance as well as a raised seating area with tables and chairs.

There were some smaller rooms across from the main bar on the other side of the dance floor and people could be observed playing billiards in that area. In a small room next to the billiards area there was another sitting area with small tables and

84 chairs. Next to it was a buffet area with trays of cheese and ham, hot dogs, and several steamer trays of hot food that looked like chicken and fish. Past this area were the bathrooms and the locker room manned by an attendant. On the left side at the end of the hall was the door to the group room that required members to be wearing only towels to enter. Returning to the main room there was a private room and a voyeur area. The private room was an enclosed area with a large bed against the wall. The room next to it had a television playing pornographic movies and a large glass window that looked into the private room.

The couples danced and conversed with each other. A couple that was passing by stated that things were very slow that night. Time passed and more people started dancing but there was no nudity or sexually provocative behavior. The researcher had been informed that the members of this club were very aggressive.

This did not seem to be the case as the members were very polite and friendly.

The DJ played salsa music and popular dance music but was not able to consistently keep people on the dance floor. The researcher observed several couples approach each other and get rejected. The difference he noted was that in this venue it seemed that more men attempted to make the connection than women. This may have been due to a cultural difference as more individuals at this club appeared to have a Hispanic or Caribbean background.

Things seemed to move very slowly, one woman changed into a see through dress at around midnight and then other women started changing into more revealing clothes. People started to go to the back room and the first single man in a towel appeared around 11:30 p.m. The researchers went to the voyeur room

85 where several men in towels watched two men and a woman in bed through the window. The woman was Caucasian and in her late 50’s to early 60’s. She was attempting to have oral sex with a man lying on his back while her mate lay beside him watching. She seemed to have difficulty bending down to bring his penis to her mouth and kept repositioning herself on the bed. There were five men watching, one elderly man attempted to masturbate while he watched but seemed to be having difficulty gaining an erection.

The researcher and his assistant returned to the main room upon hearing the announcement that the Freaky Friday contest was to begin. There was quite a buildup by the DJ as he approached couples to participate in the contest for a chance to win a gold membership. The researcher and his assistant were approached to sign up for the whipped cream contest and respectfully declined.

They observed the people on the dance floor and those who had started to make out on the sidelines. Things remained pretty tame on the dance floor. They returned to the voyeur’s room where a large African American man was having intercourse in the missionary position with a petite African American woman while her mate lay beside them and fondled her breasts. The private room was very dark and it would not be possible to identify the participants from the window. The elderly gentleman was still there pulling at his flaccid penis and watching. An obese younger man, wearing only a towel, left the room when the researcher and his assistant entered.

The researcher and his assistant returned to the main room as the DJ announced that the contest was about to begin. Six couples were called to the

86 center of the dance floor. The staff placed towels on the floor for each woman to lay down on while the rules were explained. The women were told that they could choose to have whipped cream placed anywhere on her body. Each of the contestants had the same amount of whipped cream applied to their bodies. When the signal was sounded the male partner had to lick the whipped cream off his mate’s body. Some of the women had the whipped cream placed on their bared bellies. One woman on the far end had it sprayed between her rather large breasts. A very attractive young woman nearest the researchers pulled up her dress and spread her legs exposing her shaved genitals and had the whipped cream placed on her labia and pubic area. She also pulled down the top of her dress exposing her breasts. The contestants were told to begin and the men dove into the whipped cream. People were laughing and joking, the man nearest the researchers scooped whipped cream off his partner’s labia, and stated, “I need to spread some of this around” offering it to those in close proximity. One of the women that had placed the whipped cream on her belly won and the contest ended with people toweling off excess whipped cream.

After the contest people went back to what they were doing before, talking at the bar and milling around. People started moving to the back room at around

1:30 a.m. to 2:00 a.m. and others started leaving.

The researcher and his assistant moved in the direction of the locker room and stood in the hallway. The researcher’s assistant attracted quite a bit of attention from the single and couples crowd. A man walked up and said something unintelligible as he caressed the side of her face. He was wearing only a towel,

87 was in his late 40’s with a protruding belly and stood about 5’ 4”. He said that his wife was in the back room and that they should join them. He said the backroom was just about sex and fun. The research assistant courteously declined thanking him for the offer and explained that tonight we were just watching.

The researcher and his assistant returned to the main room and got a table in the far edge near the DJ. People started to come out of the back room in towels and some woman came with their breasts exposed.

While we were talking a single male in his mid thirties sat at our table and began talking to the assistant. He asked her if she came here often and was told that it was our first time and that we were doing research on the lifestyle . The researcher asked him several questions, which he answered while looking only at the female assistant. He responded as if she had asked the questions. He said that he and his wife had been divorced 2 years ago. He shared that she would come to the swing clubs with him but would only swing with a couple if the male looked like Brad Pitt (anonymous personal communication, May 6, 2005). The research assistant told him she was the same way in an attempt to signal she was not interested in him. He ignored or did not get the message she felt she was sending.

While we were talking a young African American couple passed by us on their way out. The woman was dressed in tight, skimpy electric orange hot pants with a matching bra top. The research assistant commented about the clothing and the male table guest stated that he had seen them fighting in the parking lot earlier during the night. He stated that the African-American woman was telling her partner that the lord did not want them to do this. This seemed contradictory, as

88 the couple had been observed throughout the evening, dancing and talking. They appeared to be having a good time. The researchers thought that she was the woman participating in the threesome observed in the voyeur room earlier, but neither could be sure and after this statement it seemed unlikely. The single male continued to ignore the researcher and tried to make conversation with his assistant until a German couple dressed in towels approached the table. The

German man asked why we were not undressed and when he was told that we were new and just observing for research he said, “that’s unacceptable.” He said that he and his wife would provide a tour of the back room and would be gentle.

The couple was thanked for their generous offer but told that it was time for the researcher and his assistant to head home. It was nearly 4:00 a.m. and the researcher asked for the tour to be done another time. They were very polite, made one last attempt to have the researcher and his assistant join them, and then said goodbye. The disappointed single male also said his goodbye and the researcher and his assistant left the building.

Interviews and Observations at Two Lifestyle Conventions

Participants. Observations were recorded of the activities of approximately

200 to 300 couples that attended each convention and informal interviews with some of the individuals attending the events.

The Conventions

Key West – August 25-28, 2003.

The couple that the researcher first encountered at Club A , John and Sally, made attendance at the couples convention in Key West possible through their

89 connection with the hosts, Tom and Sage. The couple had invited Tom and Sage to stay at their home during the trip to Key West. John discussed the researcher’s study with their guests and suggested that he be allowed to attend the function.

John called the researcher and recommended contacting the convention hosts after explaining that he had gotten them interested in the project. The hosts were contacted and after some discussion were assured that the researcher planned to observe without the intent of pathologizing the group. After checking the researcher’s credentials and making sure the school existed, they gave the ok to attend (anonymous personal communication, August 22, 2003).

Key West Day 1- Wednesday 8-25-2003.

The researcher was unable to attend the first day (Wednesday) of the convention due to scheduling conflicts. According to the program, the welcome reception was scheduled from 5:00 – 7:00 p.m. at the Tiki Bar by the pool. There was an Erotic Art Exhibit at Casa Marina Resort from 8:00 p.m. until 11:00 p.m. sponsored by www.sensesatplay.com . There were still guests in the hotel that were not part of the convention on Wednesday. The next day after the last non- convention guest was checked out, the doors were closed to outsiders, cloth barriers were erected to block views of the pool area from outside the courtyard and security was posted to keep any individual without a wristband from entering.

Thursday August 26 th – Day 2

The researcher arrived at 11:30 a.m. on Thursday morning and Sage was called to personally take care of his registration and room assignment. The researcher was checked in and told that everyone was waiting for the non-convention hotel

90 guests to leave, a convention rules document was signed and a copy given to the researcher at his request. A list of the convention rules can be found in Appendix

B of this paper. Sage provided a name badge and a wristband that allowed access to all areas of the convention. Sage suggested that the word researcher would give people a reason to ask what the study was about and recommended that it be written on the nametag she provided. This turned out to be a great idea as people were immediately drawn to the word and it gave them a reason to break the ice and speak to the researcher.

According to the program, there was a fishing tournament scheduled from 8:00 a.m. until 12:00 noon for a fee of $35.00. Attendees were given the chance to win a trophy and a years worth of bragging rights. The researcher did not arrive early enough to attend this event.

The first event the researcher attended was a pool party scheduled to start at

11:00 a.m. and run until 2:00 p.m. This event could not get completely under way until the rest of the guests checked out. The pool party was clothing optional and one of the hosts of the Orlando and Dallas conventions, Ted, acted as the DJ. The vendor mall opened at 11:00 a.m. at poolside in several rooms selling clothes, sex toys, jewelry, etc.

The other host of the convention, Tom, arrived some time after noon and welcomed the researcher. Tom shared that when he had met Sage he was a straight-laced church going guy. He described Sage as the wild one and they have been together for more than 20 years. Sage introduced Tom to the idea of swinging and their activities became part of their business. Tom explained that

91 the convention crowd was a different group from the club crowd. Tom related that many of the people did not frequent clubs, but instead hooked up through the internet or at private parties (anonymous personal communication, August 26,

2003). This was substantiated by the later interviews. Many of those interviewed did not find the club scene attractive. Tom said that he tried to plan events that involved the local attractions and businesses, rather than just being closed up in a hotel for the whole convention. He also stated that this particular convention was not only for swingers, it was open to couples in other alternative lifestyles as well as non-swingers that were curious about the lifestyle. Tom had to return to work and encouraged the researcher to mingle with the attendees (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003).

The researcher was approached by a woman who was interested in finding out what the study was about. She explained that she and her husband were former club owners, both were in their late fifties or early sixties. They said that the convention the researcher was attending was run by the friendliest group of people. The wife stated that the convention run out of California was geared to a younger and more age and body focused group. Apparently she had been snubbed at the other convention and this had hurt her feelings (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). This same group had politely declined the researcher’s request to observe their convention when it was in

Miami last year but the contacts approached had all been middle-aged. Her husband also remarked that the convention group was very nice and a much different group than found in the club scene. He said that the club scene had

92 changed a great deal since he was an owner. The researcher wondered if the change was related to aging and moving into different status levels of swinging.

Bartell (1971) had mentioned this stratification by age in his study where the younger crowd considered people older than themselves to be moldy. There was a group of men and women in their mid-twenties who were physically attractive and athletic looking. This group seemed to stick together and the researcher overheard some of the older female swingers making negative remarks about their exclusionary behavior. The club owner said that he had a friend at the convention that was a club owner as well. He reported that his friend’s club had been raided by the police, and that the friend had been arrested and placed in prison for two years. According to the interviewee, the fallout destroyed his life and his career for many years (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). He later introduced the author to the ex-club owner. When the subject of his arrest was broached the ex-club owner became emotional and said it had been a very bad time in his life and he was trying to put it behind him. The researcher respected his privacy and moved out to the pool area where most of the couples were completely nude by that time (anonymous, personal communication, August 26,

2003).

The researcher started a conversation with an attendee at the Tiki Bar. He was from Naples Florida and explained that he and his wife no longer had many friends outside the lifestyle because it was too difficult to limit the range of what was appropriate to discuss in casual conversation. He said that people in the lifestyle are very open, that no subject is taboo for them so one got used to

93 speaking his or her mind with few boundaries. He stated, “Once you’ve exchanged bodily fluids you can pretty much talk about anything to that person”

(anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). The researcher found this to be true with the swingers he interviewed. The man said that when he and his spouse first moved to Naples from San Diego they did not know anyone so they looked up the local swingers club and within three months they had met and made friends with nearly 20 couples. His new neighbors noticed all the activity at his home and began asking him who all these people were. He told them that he and his wife had joined a social club to meet people. This couple said that they provided an initiation/beginners class for people interested in swinging at their local swingers club. In their class they went through club rules, swinging etiquette, and issues that could come up in the lifestyle with beginners. They offered to complete the author’s survey and gave him their phone number with an invitation to contact them for more information (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003).

John and Sally arrived poolside in the early afternoon. They said that they were back from a business meeting. They tried to arrange their time at the conventions around their business ventures. John set up some of their website posters. Sally was soon naked sitting by the pool and John encouraged the researcher to join their group in the water. He introduced the researcher to Dr.

Robyn who has a radio show in Tampa and a website promoting the lifestyle, www.TheDr.RobynShow.com . She was interested in the study and said that she was a sex therapist and had made a video about swinging that the researcher could

94 use as a resource. She later sent a copy of Dr. Robyn Presents…Swing Lessons!:

An Alternative for Open Minded Couples , which provided useful information to the researcher. The researcher entered the pool for about 30 minutes making conversation with people and encouraging participation in the survey part of the study. One attractive naked woman asked the researcher if he was a swinger and if he planned to participate in activities as part of the study. The researcher explained the limits of being a researcher and observer and that as such he could not participate. She said that he shouldn’t tell this to people at the convention,

“they might take it as a challenge to get you to participate” (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). One of the men in the pool moved behind her and began rubbing his penis between the cheeks of her buttocks. She laughed and told him to rub lower.

The researcher swam to another couple and introduced himself to the male.

They shared that they were not married but had been together for two years. The man’s girlfriend was very young and beautiful and had attracted the attention of the men and women in the group nearest the researcher. The girlfriend said that they had just started swinging and she was not sure whether she wanted to actually trade partners. They said that they were at the convention to have fun and meet people (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). John swam over and said that the blonde woman a few feet away was giving hand-jobs if the researcher was interested. The researcher decided it was time to go to his room and prepare for the evening. There was a couples massage class from 2:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. in the hotel meeting room.

95 The next scheduled event was a sunset cruise of the historic Key West Seaport onboard the Mirage from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. The ship was a two story, glass encased, air condition tour boat. Once out to sea it became a clothing optional party with sexual behavior thrown in, some women and men stripped. The researcher observed a man with a naked woman over his lap spanking her. He observed another woman kissing and sucking the breasts of her friend (or the closest woman available to her) while others were dancing to a Latin beat downstairs waiting for the sun to set. The researcher noticed the host, Tom, talking to a group of people that seemed to be working on a project of some sort and joined them. Tom introduced him to the group.

Tom was working with the publishers of a magazine for swingers called

Lifestyle Magazine whose premier issue was expected to come out in September.

The publishers were debuting the first issue and soliciting advertisements and articles. Tom was very excited about this publication because he did not consider it to be the typical swingers magazine filled with pornographic pictures and purchased by single or married men to use for masturbation. This was a serious publication designed to educate the public and promote the lifestyle. Tom seemed to be a tireless positive crusader for the lifestyle which he felt should embrace the

label of swingers because it described the energy of the people involved better

than the ambiguous lifestyle label (anonymous personal communication, August

26, 2003). His interest was in promoting cooperation and integrity among

lifestyle businesses and for being an advocate for sexual freedom, swinging and

other adult play (See Appendix C). Tom introduced the researcher to Ted and

96 Constance, hosts of the Orlando and Dallas conventions. Ted shared that he and

Tom were actually rivals in the convention business but had come together to support each other to create a better environment for swinging in general

(anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). The researcher continued to mingle and was invited to sit down with a couple from New Orleans.

The husband stated that he and his wife were not swingers. They participated in these events because their church friends at home were so judgmental and boring. They enjoyed the social aspects of the conventions and liked to observe the wild behavior of others. While he was speaking, John and Sally passed by and John pulled her skirt up flashing her pierced genitals. The husband turned to his wife blushing and stated “isn’t he terrible,” she just smiled (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). The music was playing and the researcher moved to the lower deck where people were dancing provocatively and socializing. After sunset, Sally disrobed along with a young woman named Tina and an Austrian woman and led the group to take some posed group pictures for their websites. This attracted the attention of a number of people who gathered to watch and participate.

One gentleman spoke about the lifestyle as being very civilized and very polite, explaining that you had to take the good with the bad to truly experience what it was all about. As we spoke a sexy young woman walked by and he greeted her with a hug and a kiss on the lips, then playfully squeezed her behind as she left. He said, “see, that’s the good part.” A moment later, a woman in her sixties greeted him in the same way and he turned to the researcher and whispered

97 “and that’s the other part” (anonymous personal communication, August 26,

2003). The researchers observed that most people acted in this manner, politely receiving fondling and kissing as part of their greetings without regard to age or level of attractiveness.

The researcher moved to the upper deck and a man in his late fifties engaged him in a discussion. He admitted that he had too much to drink and wanted the researcher to understand something. He said that he had already turned down two blow jobs because he drank too much, didn’t think he could get an erection and had sex twice earlier in the day. He asked the researcher rhetorically, where a man his age could experience such a thing except in the lifestyle (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). He was inebriated but friendly and the group looked out for him, making sure he got everywhere safely. As the boat returned to shore Tom informed the crowd that people should begin to put their clothes back on and head straight to a local seafood restaurant after we docked.

The evening event was a Margaritaville theme party at the restaurant. The program suggested tropical casual wear. Tom had phoned ahead and prepared the restaurant management for the two hundred people who would be showing up at the same time. The researcher was invited to sit with John, Sally, Tina, David and about six other couples. Tina had a website that she starred in and was maintained by her husband, David. They also sold personal shavers for removing pubic hair called the Pussy Shaver . The researcher asked if there were any problems having to always come up with new sexual experiences to depict on the website. He joked that “the only problem I see is you can get jaded, after a while

98 you need the one legged, black midget this week just to be interested”

(anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). They met a couple of years ago when Tina was nineteen and she had quickly taken a liking to the lifestyle . David stated that her life was pretty boring before she met him. Things seemed to move along in the restaurant without any problems.

People started dancing to the music and an attractive blond at our table massaged her mate’s shoulders while hiking up her tight dress to reveal she was not wearing underwear. Soon many women were topless and some were completely nude. The researcher noticed that one of the waitresses seemed very upset and left the room quickly, the other waitress showed an expression of disgust as she glanced at the nude women. The researcher later interviewed the waitress that had left at the beginning of the nudity. She was from Central

America and said that she had noticed a woman fondling another man and exposing herself while the woman’s husband was standing nearby. The waitress thought there was going to be a big fight between the men, when she later saw that this wasn’t the case she felt comfortable returning to work (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003).

The researcher found out later that this was not a clothing optional event and that Tom had scrambled to the restaurant management to be sure they were not going to have a problem. He suggested indirectly that he had paid them extra not to be upset. They seemed very happy to comply when Sally invited women to jump up on the bar and do a strip tease dance. People were cheering, dancing, taking pictures and having a great time. Then Tom called the men to go up and

99 do the same. The waitress, who had appeared so disgusted by the women stripping, reappeared and positioned herself to get the best view of the men. She was blushing and giggling but kept her attention focused on the men stripping on the bar. One woman started sucking the penis of the man positioned at the end of the bar near the windows and several other women followed suit. Tom, who was on the bar, said he looked over and noticed that there were women outside the restaurant with their faces pressed up to the window. Just then the woman playing with the man’s penis shook it in the direction of the women watching.

Tom said that he was thinking, “this is not a good idea, I don’t think this is legal and we could get into trouble” (anonymous personal communication, August 26,

2003). The party continued with very sexually provocative dancing, fondling, and oral sex occurring in several areas of the restaurant. It was a fun-filled, sexually charged atmosphere and there was no coercive behavior visible to the researcher.

People participated to the level that they felt comfortable, and it was a wild party from beginning to end.

Sage left early to let people into the hospitality rooms in the tower of the hotel.

The researcher left with Tom at the end of the restaurant party and was invited to come to the Hospitality Suites. When we arrived Tom told the researcher that he expected that people would be having sex, instead there was a discussion about the restaurant experience. There was a man from Key West that explained to

Tom that they probably wouldn’t get into too much trouble if the women got naked, but he felt that the police would definitely arrest an exposed male

100 (anonymous personal communication, August 26, 2003). The researcher took in the room as the men discussed the issue of male nudity and arrest.

The hospitality suite had two bedrooms. The room to the left of the entrance was decorated with a red Christmas string light that was trailed around the two queen sized beds, along the wall, and into the bathroom. This was named the Red

Light District and the other room, decorated in the same manner with blue lights, was called the Blue Bayou room. The Blue Bayou room had a roman tub and two queen-sized beds. When we arrived several couples were sitting watching TV, as more people arrived some commented that nothing was happening. Tom explained that this is how it was, sometimes things were hot and sometimes people just enjoyed each other’s company (anonymous personal communication,

August 26, 2003).

The club owners from Colorado arrived and the female owner started filling the roman tub with warm water and turned on the jets. She took off the nightgown she was wearing and entered the tub. A man pulled off his boxer shorts, entered the water and started kissing her. They laughed and the woman called for a woman in the main room to join them. The people on the couch moved into the Blue Bayou room and another woman entered the water. The researcher was speaking with the male representative from the Hedonism III resort, Andre’, when he suggested that our presence might have been cramping the couples’ style and that we should probably leave. The researcher did not get the impression that any one was concerned he was there but decided to leave anyway.

101 The author arrived at his room and began to record the experiences of the day, when a tap was heard coming from the window. The researcher’s room overlooked the pool and about five nude couples were engaged in sexual play in the pool below his balcony. Some of the couples were throwing pebbles at the window to get the researcher’s attention. He declined their invitation to join them in the water and closed the drapes. People appeared to be having a very good time.

Friday August 27 th – Day 3

The pool party was scheduled to begin from 11:00 a.m. until 2:00 p.m. but people started reserving chairs around 9 a.m. The Hotel had a pool and hot tub that was encircled on three sides by rooms that overlooked the pool. The first floor on the eastern side was the restaurant. The DJ set up in front of the area between the hot tub and the Tiki bar. There were banners strung up around the pool advertising French Connection Events at www.Frenchconx.com , the

Hedonism III resort in Jamaica, the Desire Resort in Cancun, Great sex with Dr.

Robyn at www.TheDr.RobynShow.com , Barbi of www.Sexypartyclub.com , and www.Blondeflasher.com , “recognized internationally as the World’s Biggest

Exhibitionist,” www.swinglife.com and mischief fantasy at www.shopfantasy.com .

Couples were playing with each other in and around the pool. On day 2, the younger group had to be stopped from having sex in the pool area after complaints by the Tiki bar staff were brought to the host’s attention. Sage again had to stop them later from having sex in the pool. Tom tipped the staff and

102 apparently silenced the complaints. The researcher asked the bartender what had happened and she said that the “young blonde was giving a blow job to her boyfriend right on the side of the pool” (anonymous personal communication,

August 27, 2003). It had bothered them at first but then both bartenders commented that this was Key West. The hotel manager said the same thing, that strange things always happen in Key West and she had no problem with the people as long as they were friendly.

The next event began at 1:15 p.m. when Tom asked for four sexy women to come to the front of the pool area near the DJ. They were then taken to one of the vendor areas and outfitted in the garments being sold in the vendor mall. They modeled the outfits with Tom giving charming descriptions of each model and the clothing. The women physically did not fit the common description of models, but all seemed comfortable in the role and the audience cheered each of them.

The representative from Desire Resort and Spa, Lindsey, then took the stage at the other end of the pool. A queen sized inflatable pool float had been placed on the ground in front of her promotional display and covered with beach towels.

Four couples were asked to volunteer for some challenges to win prizes. They were told that they would be given three minutes to assume as many sexual positions as possible. The couple that demonstrated the most functional sexual positions would win a prize. The blonde woman mentioned earlier rushed up, squatted down and tried to lick Lindsey between her legs. She stepped back and jokingly waved her finger saying “no, no honey” and telling the crowd the blonde woman needed to cut down on the caffeine. This woman’s friend volunteered to

103 be one of the contestants and again she rushed up and tried to lick her naked friend’s labia. Lindsey jokingly chastised her and she returned to her group, allowing the contest began. This proved to be a strategic game. The youngest and the strongest couple failed to beat a couple who were in their fifties. The man was built like a body builder and his mate was a petite woman, both appeared to be in their late twenties. He flung her around like a rag doll but was only able to come to eight functional sexual positions. The next couple was older, probably in their mid fifties, and used a more effective strategy in getting into positions but could not move fast enough to better the younger couple, matching them at eight positions. The third couple was from the young group and moved quickly but got into positions that were not functional, much to the pleasure of the audience that laughed hysterically. They got five functional positions. The couple that won moved into sexual positions quickly using economy of movement. They appeared to be in their mid fifties and looked like a conservative Midwestern couple that might be found on a golf course or at a church function. The winners received three days and two nights free at the Desire Resort in Cancun. The other participants won T-shirts and Lindsey threw a number of free T-shirts to the audience.

After the pool party, from 2:00 p.m. to 3:00 p.m., there was a class for participants on Tantric sex sponsored by the Tantra Institute of Key West. The researcher did not attend the meeting but observed some of the presentation from the hallway. The presenter was showing gynecological photos of speculum enhanced vaginal openings with headings such as some women pierce the clitoral

104 hood or labia . The presenter later sold a CD of the course materials to the researcher for $20.00. The presenter shared his opinion that the sex therapy field was about the look of the therapist as well as his or her experience. It was his contention that an attractive sex therapist would be seen as more credible and would be more successful with this group (anonymous, personal communication,

August 27, 2003). The researcher returned to his room to record data and prepare for the evening events.

The 4:00 p.m. event was hosted on the third floor of the Bull And Whistle Bar, which is an open air, clothing optional bar called the Garden of Eden. The researcher shared transportation with several couples and arrived at the site within a few minutes. The venue was very hot and humid and seemed to get hotter as more people arrived. The event was basically a friendly cocktail party. The amply endowed, tattooed bartender and the petite waitress took off their tops and began taking drink orders. People mingled with each other and some took off their clothes but most stood around and conversed. An extremely tanned woman in her late sixties or possibly early seventies stripped completely and sunned on a lounge chair. There was a body painter available and some of the men and women paid to have designs painted on their skin. Sally and John arrived and we discussed some of their experiences. Sally spent a lot of time posing with Tina and the Austrian woman for their websites. Tina had the body artist paint a parrot on her stomach and breasts to prepare for the dinner theme.

Tom and Ted shared some of their methods of acquiring or making props for the different theme parties they hosted. Ted said that he checked the surplus from

105 theme parks in the Orlando area for things they could use at their events. He said he had found beds, and props that he could convert to themes that were planned for the conventions. He joked that he worked on these things in his drive way and had to make up explanations for the neighbors who where curious. Ted reminisced at how he had once located a surplus gynecological exam table equipped with stirrups and excitedly called Tom to purchase it and plan how it was to be used (anonymous personal communication, August 27, 2003). When they shared their excitement with Sage, she was less than impressed with their concept. She explained to Tom that this particular piece of equipment did not create sexual excitement in women; in fact it would most likely have the opposite effect. Tom explained that it was vitally important for them to gain the female perspective on ideas they had because of things like the latter example. The success of their ventures seemed to rely on their working as a team (anonymous personal communication, August 27, 2003).

The host took the researcher to the next venue at around 6:30 p.m. The dinner was scheduled from 7:00 p.m. until 11:30 p.m. at a clothing optional restaurant named The Naked Lunch. The theme of the party was “Pirate’s Ball” and when we arrived Tom changed into his pirate costume. People started arriving shortly after for the Cuban style buffet. Dan the Man, the naked piano player and comedian, provided the entertainment.

Andre’ and Lesley, the representatives from the Hedonism III resort, also provided entertainment in the form of contests to win prizes. They set up a battle of the sexes game where five woman and five men played against each other. The

106 participants were given challenges involving audience members. For example they were sent out into the audience to find a woman with a pierced clitoris, then a guy with the hairiest penis. The last game brought women from the audience to the men’s side and men to the women’s side. The team to get a man to ejaculate first won. The women worked furiously at kissing, rubbing, sucking and pulling on the men’s penises but many of them were unable to get erections. Finally, one man ejaculated and the game was over. The researcher was called to participate in the games by the Hedonism III representatives and declined.

The evening continued and at times appeared no different than one would see in a bar having a costume party. The party moved to the hotel hospitality rooms at around 11:30 p.m. Upon approaching the suite a couple told the researcher that only one couple was having sex in the room and that they and several other couples left because nothing was happening. The husband said that when a large group was having sex they have no problem diving in but if there were only a few people they felt like they were intruding. The researcher returned to his room and found that approximately 15 people were in the pool area. He was told the next morning by one of the men that the women were doing conveyer belt hand jobs for the men and having a great time under the researcher’s window.

Saturday August 28 th - Day 4

The researcher reserved a good position by the pool before things started. He spoke to a couple that had been in the lifestyle for 4 years. The husband stated that he and his spouse preferred this smaller convention to the larger one in New

Orleans. They felt that there were more opportunities to meet couples in the small

107 Key West convention rather a convention with 1000 couples. He stated that one could be easily overwhelmed at the larger events: “so little time, so many people to do” (anonymous, personal communication, August 28, 2003). This couple had met other couples at the convention with similar interests in common. They planned a day of scuba diving together and other site seeing activities. They shared that if they were going to have sex, they wanted to do it with people whose conversation and sense of humor they enjoyed. Then if things did not work out and they didn’t have sex, at least they still had a good time (anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). It started to rain and the pool area cleared out.

The promoters from Hedonism III were under the Tiki hut by the hot tub so the researcher took the opportunity to speak to them. Andre’ was concerned that the rain would ruin their presentation and seemed lost in thought. The researcher spoke to Lesley who shared that she was not a swinger and did not participate in any of the sexual events. They both live in Jamaica (Kingston) and travel to lifestyle conventions to promote their resort. She stated that said she could easily separate her job from her life at home, where she said she lived the more traditional Jamaican private life of going out with friends and to friends parties to dance (anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). While she was sharing her experiences with the researcher, the massage therapy presenter was busy massaging a woman’s genitals as her husband listened to his instructions.

He had set up a massage table by the hot tub for anyone that showed interest.

One clothing vendor that was nearby also stated that she was not a swinger but attended all the different alternative lifestyle events. This woman said that she

108 knew when it was time for her to leave a party. The people would politely tell her that things were going to start. She stated that she felt respect for the people that she had for customers (anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003).

The rain stopped and the Hedonism III promoters began the getting the people back to the pool. The Andre’ encouraged people to participate in a

Jamaican dance class in which about ten people, some with bathing suits and some nude, participated. He taught them contemporary dance moves while the DJ played Reggae music. It was very entertaining, energetic and the dancers appeared to have fun.

The next events presented by the Hedonism III representatives started with a faked orgasm contest. They called for two female and two male volunteers. The audience had broken up into private groups conversing with each other. This made it difficult for the Andre’ to attract the crowd’s attention. He finally got a young woman, who had previously been in a near manic state at the other contests

(she had attempted to lick the genitals of female participants at the other poolside events), to participate. Her friend another blond female began performing cunnilingus on her and she pretended to have a very loud orgasm screaming “Oh yes, yes! Right there! Yes! That’s the best I’ve ever had!” The next woman in the contest did a less dramatic, but still realistic performance. The first male participant rivaled the first female participant in his enthusiastic display with a female partner. The second male demonstrated a very quick orgasm, which brought the audience to laughter. The winners received a t-shirt from the resort.

109 The next contest was called cookies and chocolate . Two men were asked to lie on towels by the pool. A team of two women was assigned to each man, consisting of one spouse or girlfriend of the participant and one volunteer. Andre’ and Lesley poured chocolate syrup all over the naked men, including their genitals. Then they added crumbled chocolate chip cookies, which stuck to the syrup. The researcher was positioned about twenty feet away and the smell of the cookies and chocolate in the hot sun was nearly overwhelming. Andre’ explained the directions, when he said go, the teams had three minutes to lick all the chocolate and cookie crumbs off the men. The team with the cleanest man after three minutes won the contest. There was a frenzy of licking, one woman used her hair to mop up the chocolate, another tried to squeegee it to a central area with her fingers, and then lick it up. The male contestant that won was the man in his late fifties that had spoken to the researcher about rejecting blow jobs on the cruise. Many people were watching the event while others were having a nice time talking with each other in small groups and sunbathing. Nearly all the couples were nude. Music was playing and the atmosphere was like being at a nudist outing.

The next contest was called the golden shower . Three teams consisting of a man and two women competed for a three-day vacation package to Hedonism III.

The male was asked to lie on a towel facing up while the two women squatted back to back with their genitals directly over his face. Andre’ then poured a beer in the natural crevice formed by the women’s buttocks being pressed together.

The man was to drink the beer coming out from the space between the women

110 from underneath, without spilling any. Andre’ kept a humorous banter going during the contest. Initially, the women were pressed together too tightly and the beer would not pass through. When they finally got that part correct, most of the beer flowed around the first man’s head and on to the towel. The woman sitting next to the researcher said she did not think that the contest was very sanitary.

The next team started the process the same way except that the man nearly choked on the beer and had to stop to get his breath. He made a second attempt, choked again and stopped to get his breath. On his third attempt he choked again and gave up. The third male contestant initially experienced the same difficulty; he too choked and had to stop. On his second attempt he pushed his face into the women’s genitals and was able to drink all the beer without spilling too much.

The third contestant won the trip for his team and this ended the contests. There was an erotic massage class from 1:30 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. which couples were invited to attend, but most seemed to be comfortable enjoying poolside activities.

The researcher returned to his room at 3:00 p.m. to prepare for the next event scheduled at 4:00 p.m.

The Duval Street Poker Run Party was held at Rick’s Entertainment Complex .

Tom and Sage had rented the second floor of Rick’s bar. The Poker run was

described as a progressive party that had five stops. The participants picked a

card at each of the stops and their selection was noted in the poker run book. The

best poker hands won prizes. The first stop was the sunset cruise, the second was

Rick’s Bar.

111 There was contemporary music playing, a dance floor and two bars with a balcony area overlooking Duval street. When the researcher arrived at 4:00 p.m. there were only a few couples at Rick’s bar. One of the couples shared that they avoided the club scene and enjoyed coming to these particular conventions. They said that they preferred private house parties. This seemed to be the consensus for the interviewees that seemed to be in their late forties or older (anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). The manager of the bar wanted to open the area to the public when less than twenty people showed up early in the evening, but Sage and Tom were able to allay his concerns. By 6:00 p.m. there were about fifty to sixty people in the bar dancing, drinking and having a good time. One older gentleman suggested the researcher read a book called Group

Sex that was written in the early 1970’s by an anthropologist. He felt that this book was based on scientific research practices and would be helpful to the study

(anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). He introduced the researcher to his wife who was dressed in bright festival wear with a bra made of green leaves and a tiara with a plume of colorful feathers. Most of the women were dressed in very sexually provocative clothing. Lindsey, the promoter from

Desire Spa and Resort, a statuesque young woman that stood over six feet tall, wore a Little Miss Muffet costume with a mini skirt complete with spider attached, high heels, and had her hair in pig tails. While she was line dancing the woman behind her kept lifting the back of her mini skirt exposing white panties to the crowd. Others wore what looked like lingerie and some wore mini skirts

112 without panties. People were very friendly and approached the author to offer information and ask questions about the research.

People were flirting, flashing each other, and fondling their neighbors. One woman had two men sucking her nipples simultaneously. Another woman was fondling a man’s penis while they were dancing. This was not a clothing optional party because there were families walking on Duval Street. However, some of the more well known participants began stripping for pictures on the balcony. Sage allowed them to take a few shots and then herded them back into the bar area away from the view of the tourists below.

Everyone was having a great time and Tom announced that the restaurant needed an extra half hour to prepare for the group so the departure was moved up to 8:00 p.m. The call was given by Tom at around 7:30 p.m. for the people with mopeds to begin lining up in front of the bar for the scooter parade. The researcher observed from the balcony as the parade began to get organized below.

When the convention participants began to line up they created quite a stir.

Most of the women were wearing mini skirts and no panties so when they began taking photographs and flashing the crowd, people started coming out of the surrounding bars. Guys with big smiles took pictures and joked with their friends, some women with shocked expressions looked on and some people looked angry.

This seemed to be a situation that might end in a riot or arrests for indecent exposure, but the parade started and moved down the street to the Southern most point. The researcher was invited by a German couple to ride with them in their

Cadillac. From the vantage point of the car behind the mopeds, the looks of the

113 passersby could be easily observed and ranged from laughter, shocked expressions, looks of amusement and some of anger and disgust.

The parade passed a group of police officers and the researcher was sure he was going to be arrested with the exhibitionistic revelers, but they just waved as the parade passed them by. The participants honked their horns, waved and then when they reached the Southern most point, several of the members stripped naked and posed for pictures. There was a Japanese family (husband, wife and baby in a carriage) taking pictures and one of the nude women grabbed the woman and pulled her into the group of naked women to take a picture. Her husband enthusiastically joined in the picture taking. After several group pictures and a traffic jam created by passing drivers trying to get a look at the nude women, the convoy headed to the restaurant.

The next activity, scheduled to run until 11:30 p.m., was the Duval Street

Poker Run Party at the Sands Beach Club , which included dinner and dancing.

The theme for the night was Fantasy Ball and participants were encouraged to don feathers, body paint, and Mardi Gras masks. People came in a variety of costumes, some brought them and dressed in the bathrooms after the dinner buffet was over. When dinner was completed the tables were moved to open up the dance floor and the DJ started the party. Awards and prizes were given to participants but most of the evening was focused on the dance floor. Several of the women were nude, others were topless or wearing very revealing fantasy wear. People danced and made connections. Lesley and Andre’, the Hedonism

III representatives, came dressed as a leather fetish couple. Lesley sat at the bar

114 and talked with the researcher while Andre’ danced with the women that continually approached him. Another couple dressed in leather fetish gear approached the researcher to discuss the study. The female asked if the researcher was looking into the treatment of bisexual males in the lifestyle . She said that males sexual interest in other males was taboo even though swingers say that they are sexually open minded. Her husband stated that he had found that there was no place for male bisexual expression in many of the clubs they had attended

(anonymous personal communication, August 28, 2003). One the clubs the researcher visited later did have nights set up especially for bisexual men and women. This seemed to be a fairly new phenomenon as swinging continues to change with the times.

Tom left the restaurant at 11:00 p.m. to set up the Hospitality Suites so the researcher rode back to the motel with Sage. Couples were already playing in the pool and hot tub when the researcher arrived at the motel. He helped Sage carry some props to her room and as he was talking to her he noticed Sally and John in the reflection of the mirror behind her. Sally was nude, rubbing her breasts against the glass door and kissing it while John laughed and motioned for the researcher to come to the pool. The researcher declined and returned to his room exhausted. Swingers work hard and play hard.

Las Vegas Convention – November 9-13 th , 2005

The convention in New Orleans that occurred annually in November was touted as being the major convention of the year by swingers interviewed at the

Key West convention. Hurricane Katrina seemingly put an end to the year’s

115 festivities, but when Tom and Sage were contacted, the researcher was invited to join them at their new venue in Las Vegas. Because this event was put together on short notice the organizers were not able to take over the whole hotel as usual.

This meant that there would be families and other conventions occurring at the same hotel so the usual free expressions had to be limited. The organizers waived the convention package fee of $525.00. This left only the cost of the flight, the hotel stay ($625.00 for the four nights) and meals as expenses. The convention rules were adjusted for Las Vegas (see Appendix B) and the program guide clearly stated the surprisingly prudish restrictions of “Sin City” versus the freedom participants enjoyed in New Orleans. Specifically, people were asked not to flash each other or hotel guests and to refrain from nudity or sex in any public place.

Wednesday, November 9 th – Day One

Convention attendees were picked up at the airport by a limousine service contracted by the hosts. The researcher was greeted by somewhat uncomfortable expressions from the couples waiting to be transported to the resort. When a couple (Sally and John) known to the author arrived and warmly acknowledged him it served to create acceptance among the other couples and people were more easily engaged in conversation. The limousine was a black bus that looked like a nightclub inside. It had black leather seats with red leather lines that formed very modern looking couches along the length of the bus with a bar area in the middle.

John stated that some of the buses at past events came outfitted with stripper poles. The couples greeted each other and made small talk commenting on the

116 amount of luggage they needed to bring to such an event. One gentleman stated that he had shipped a few cases of wine and some of his wife’s clothes ahead of time to reduce what they had to carry. Sally stated that the reason for the volume of clothes was the need to change costume for each event, which meant changing clothes three to four times a day. Sally also related that she and her husband would be doing business in California after the event and needed appropriate professional clothing as well (anonymous personal communication, November 9,

2005). The ride to the resort felt like sitting in a restaurant with a group of professional business people discussing their vacation plans.

The resort was about 7 minutes from the airport and situated near the Hard

Rock Café Casino Resort. Check-in was simple as the rooms had been paid for long in advance and registration consisted of signing a waiver stating that the rules of the convention were understood and to be followed. The researcher declined to sign the permission to be photographed as he did not feel comfortable about how others would interpret any photos taken during the event. The packet included an event program, the researcher’s survey, a yellow wristband that had

Hedonism III printed on it and had to be worn for the duration of the stay, as well as advertisements and brochures from sponsors of the events. The researcher got settled in his room and prepared for the first event.

The welcome reception was in the Ballroom from 6:00 p.m. to 8 p.m. and consisted of a live Dixieland Jazz Band and a Cajun appetizer buffet. People joined each other to catch up and introduce themselves. Several couples the author met at the Key West convention greeted him and introduced him to other

117 couples. One woman was very interested in the research but stated that she did not want to share any information because she was going to write a book about her experiences in the lifestyle. She seemed to be in her late thirties or early forties and said that her mother was also a swinger (anonymous personal communication, November 9, 2005). The couple the researcher met at Key West, who were club owners in Colorado, Mary and Henry, were very helpful in introducing the researcher to people they knew. They were happy to see that a couple that they had introduced to the lifestyle had developed enough confidence to attend the convention. Mary shared that initially her husband had called a club without her knowledge and made the first anxious contact with them before letting her know about it. Henry said he called to find out what kind of people went to the club; he described himself as mid-forties, not a hard body, and worried about not fitting in and of being rejected (anonymous personal communication, November 9, 2005). This proved to be an exciting change in their sex lives. Mary stated that because of their experiences they have implemented a system for newcomers to have their questions answered and to find out if the lifestyle is really for them. Mary and Henry both describe themselves as bisexual and are very active in promoting the lifestyle (anonymous personal communication, November 9, 2005). They were very helpful to the researcher and spent more time with him than they probably wanted to just out of kindness and provided him with invaluable insights into the lifestyle .

The music continued and there was a Mardi Gras style bead toss at 8 p.m.

People retired to their rooms to dress for the evening at Studio 54. Three large

118 black limo busses were waiting at the back of the resort to transport the partygoers to the club. It was quickly apparent to the organizers that there was not going to be enough room for all the people. The busses had to make several returns to pick everyone up. There were approximately 200 couples in the line. The women were dressed in short flashy dresses and the men wore a variety of dress shirts and slacks. While waiting in line to enter the club a young couple in their mid twenties approached the researcher and inquired about the study. The husband,

Larry, said that he and his wife had started in the lifestyle about two years ago.

They were asked what they thought about the lifestyle and particularly, if there was a problem related to age since the majority of the convention participants were past their forties. Larry’s wife, Jenny, said that she enjoyed the social aspect of the lifestyle and the conventions allowed them to have a good time with like- minded people. She stated that she had not seen anyone that she wanted to sleep with so far and that they might not hook-up with anyone during the convention.

Larry agreed and said that there was an issue with age and that they received a great deal of attention from couples that they considered much too old for them.

They suggested that the researcher attend some of the events for younger swingers to get a different view (anonymous personal communication, November 9, 2005).

The party seemed to be in full swing by the time the researcher entered the club. The room at Studio 54 in the MGM Grande was dark with a small dance floor and two bars on either side of the club. The party was held in the upper room of the club and regular customers had to remain in the lower level. The security personnel looked like secret service agents complete with flesh colored

119 earpieces and black suits. There were no less than five of these men moving in and out of the crowd the whole night. The attendees began dancing more provocatively as the evening wore on, with a few brave individuals flashing and fondling each other. The researcher witnessed one of the waitresses pointing out a couple to the security person closest to her. The woman dancing was wearing a mini-skirt with no panties. Her husband was rubbing her pubic area with his fingers as he danced behind her. The guard immediately put a stop to this behavior. This scenario played out several times throughout the night with security acting as police to curb any inappropriate displays of affection or lust.

This event turned out to be the most restricted party the researcher observed since the study began. However, the participants seemed to have a great time anyway.

There was a small balcony that was cordoned off for VIP’s and the researcher was not allowed to enter this area. The VIP’s area had a small buffet and couches to sit and socialize and seemed to be made up of employees and friends of the hosts. The researcher assumed that Tom wanted his guests to enjoy the evening free of concerns that they were being observed. This gave the researcher some concern that his presence might not have been accepted by some of the guests and that the host needed to limit his access for that reason. He made sure to be as unobtrusive as possible for the rest of the event. Swingers were only engaged in conversation if they approached the researcher and wanted to discuss the study.

The main area had couches and seats along the edges of the dance floor but the music was too loud to really talk to anyone. Limo-busses were waiting to return conventioneers to the hotel and the first day ended at 12:30 a.m. with a return to

120 the resort with a group of couples talking about their earlier Las Vegas casino excursions.

Thursday November 10 th – Day Two

Setting up and organizing events for several hundred people is a difficult task even when things are running smoothly. The researcher located the host, Tom, at

10:00 a.m. in the convention area of the resort. He was overseeing the set up of the Tantra room, the BDSM room and the Ballroom. The Tantra room, which was located in a large ballroom, was to be used for seminars during the day and as a hospitality suite or orgy room in the afternoon and evening. Tom and Sage have artistic backgrounds and the huge ballroom was transformed into a room that looked to be transported from an Indian palace. The room was sectioned off by flowing gossamer drapes that enclosed beds placed together to create areas for couples to have sex together. The center of the room had two sections of beds put together to create two large beds with a stage in the center of the room. The beds had the same gossamer drapes decorating their perimeters with the use of scaffolding. There were huge simulated stone carvings of Hindu deities on the walls and pillows with Indian designs were placed strategically throughout the room. Every detail from the lighting, the music and the general atmosphere created was carefully planned out. When the researcher arrived an employee was stuffing pillows while others were moving furniture and setting up lights. The hotel housekeeping staff was supposed to have made the beds but this was not done. What appeared to be sheets for the beds ended up being table linens and

Tom called the head of housekeeping to get the sheets delivered. There was a

121 question as to who would change the sheets during the time couples were going to be active in the room. Tom had planned on a few of the resort housekeeping staff being assigned to stand by, but he decided it was probably a better idea for members of his staff to do this chore.

The men setting up the BDSM seminar room, Master Lenny and Master

Timothy, were having trouble with the lighting and the set up of their room so

Tom went to check on them. The BDSM room was a conference room with two leather and wood objects set up at the front of the room. One looked like scaffolding with chains in each corner to bind the hands and legs spread apart.

The other was a beam of wood with a padded seat and handgrips. Two tables along the walls on both sides of the room were stacked with all manner of fetish paraphernalia, whips, leather hand and leg restraints, knives, etc. Master Lenny felt that the light was too bright. Tom decided to use red gel to dim them and provide the ambiance of a dungeon. The material to decorate the walls was missing and Tom had to improvise with what he had by draping material half way down the walls. Problems were constantly being thrown to him and he calmly thought out solutions and gave orders. The whole morning had the feel of what it might be like to set up a carnival or circus. The hosts relied on a staff of professionals that followed direction like a military squad. Tom and Sage appeared to be experts at handling problems.

The events for the day were broken up into three tracks to give a variety of choices to those couples that were not exploring Las Vegas. The Erotic

Marketplace opened from 11:00 a.m. till 6:30 p.m. each day bringing the latest

122 fashions and accessories to the discerning swinger. This consisted of a meeting room with several booths selling fetish clothing and club wear. There was a booth selling sexual toys and accessories, run by a thirty something couple and a female friend. The husband said that this was the first convention that they had attended to sell products and that things were going very well. The couple repeated a common theme that many others mentioned, they felt that the people in the lifestyle were much more friendly and open than the general population and that they could talk about anything. They were curious about the study and suggested some literature that might be useful (anonymous personal communication, November 10, 2005). At the next table, a couple sold products for shaving genitals as well as some sex toys and massagers. There was a young woman standing at the table looking at a pussy shaver when the proprietor approached the researcher. He was an older gentleman (possibly in his early

70’s) and had a black massage glove on his hand. He asked the researcher if he wanted to learn how to get a woman to take him home, get into a warm tub with him and allow him to bring her to orgasm. After answering his own question in the affirmative, he asked the young woman mentioned earlier if she would participate in a little role-play with him to show the researcher the technique. The proprietor then proceeded to pretend he was holding a clipboard and told the young woman that he was doing market research for the massage glove company and asked if he could he touch her back. She agreed that it felt wonderful and he continued with banter about the glove and asked if he could he test it on her chest.

This was also agreed to and he proceeded to fondle her breasts and move across

123 the front of her body with the glove while talking about its sexual uses. The woman responded with pleasurable moans to what normally would be considered sexual battery. The performance proceeded to finding out if she lived alone and if she had a bathtub in her home. He then offered to let her experience the greatest multiple orgasms she could ever have because the massage glove was fully waterproof. The woman played along and agreed to go home with him. The gentleman turned to the researcher and stated that he sold most of the glove massagers to young college men after he taught them the pitch because they didn’t know how to get women to take them home (anonymous personal communication, November 10, 2005). What the author observed frequently in dealing with people in the lifestyle was that women and men will allow and make breaches of personal boundaries that would not be tolerated in the society at large.

Many observations were made of people feeling someone’s breast or buttocks as they were passing in the hall or at a party. Some of the women interviewed did not like this part of the lifestyle and reluctantly put up with it. Many felt that it was part of free expression and did not have a problem with it as long as people respected them when they said no (anonymous personal communication,

November 10, 2005).

The researcher returned to following the host through the next few hours. The dance instructors arrived for the dance lessons that were scheduled from 12 noon to 1:00 p.m. and Tom paid them to teach whoever showed up. The couple turned on the music and began swing dancing while Tom gave them instructions and paid them. Many of the presenters seemed to have a similar eccentric flair.

124 There was a Rat Pack Party scheduled from 1:00 p.m. till 4:00 p.m. that was an opportunity for people to meet each other and to dance to Frank Sinatra era songs. Track 1 of the seminars was presented upstairs in the executive boardroom. Master Lenny presented BDSM for couples from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. which consisted of discussions about what defined that particular subject, the reasons one should consider exploring it, and a few laymen’s perspectives about the psychology behind their reasons for participating. Then Master Timothy demonstrated Flogging for beginners from 2:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. From 4:00 p.m.

to 5:00 p.m. there was a discussion on the narrowing gap between swingers and

the BDSM crowd. Apparently, in the past these two groups did not care for each

other, each seeing the other in a negative light. The researcher attended 20

minutes of Master Lenny’s lecture and gathered information from other attendees

about the latter two sessions. They were all well attended for the room size,

which could only comfortably hold about 25 people.

Track 2 was held in one of the ballrooms and consisted of a presentation on

Practical Tantra by the Key West Institute for Tantra Studies and was held from

1:00 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. It was presented as a way for modern couples to integrate ancient techniques into their lives. From 3:00 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. there was supposed to be a group massage class and then from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. the hospitality suites or group sex rooms were to open. This did not happen as planned and was another unseen problem for Tom to handle.

The researcher attended Track 3 , which was the education track and was held in the first ballroom. From 12:00 noon to 1:30 p.m. a New Orleans police officer

125 presented some of the 3000 photographs he had taken in the days following hurricane Katrina. This was a powerful presentation and was attended by over 50 people. Much of the presentation also discussed the rebuilding of the city and the need for people to realize that New Orleans would be ready to receive conventions again in the near future. The officer and his wife appeared to be in their mid-twenties and worked with Tom and Sage to help put together these events. He shared that during the aftermath of the hurricane, Tom and Sage had provided valuable assistance to many individuals in need (anonymous personal communication, November 10, 2005).

From 2 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. there was a meet and greet seminar that discussed the ins and outs of how to approach strangers in different situations such as on the hospitality floor. The etiquette of the lifestyle was discussed at this seminar.

The next seminar, from 4:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. was a special screening of a new cable television pilot about the lifestyle called Swing Club directed by Evan

Reinard and Nico Breidenthal. More information about the film can be found at www.swingclubseries.com . The directors were present at the screening and were very interested in the reaction of the audience. The film starred attractive young couples, some sporting the tattoos and piercings popular with young adults. This show was not received well by the audience the majority of whom were couples that represented the 40 year to 50+ years age group and was primarily Caucasian.

One couple complained that the actors were too attractive and did not represent the lifestyle community and that people might be intimidated by the perception that everyone had to look like a supermodel to participate. Several people

126 complained that the actors were too young and that the tattoos and piercings that some had might frighten people, giving the impression that the lifestyle was made up of weird people. Several people voiced concerns that the film did not show the time couples spend getting to know each other and instead gave the impression that they met and jumped right into bed. They felt the director should show them doing normal activities that social couples do together to set the stage for the sexual part of the lifestyle.

The director addressed the group and told them that one of the difficulties that they had in creating the series was that real couples were reluctant to participate in the show. He asked the group if any of them would be willing to sign up and the room was silent. One gentleman said that going public was not as bad as people would imagine. He remarked that, at least in his experience, there were no real repercussions for his participation in a TV interview, and he encouraged others to try it. The researcher considered this to be poor advice after having watched a couple discuss how their participation in a film of the lifestyle , Sex With

Strangers , cost them their jobs (Gantz & Gantz, 2003). Several of the people the researcher interviewed had serious concerns about the negative effects being exposed would have on their lives (anonymous personal communication,

November 10, 2005). There were general complaints about things not being representative of the audience’s experiences and that the show was focusing on the sexual aspects because that is what sold on HBO. The researcher was surprised by the negative reaction. The audience had appeared to enjoy the show while they were watching it. The researcher approached the presenters after the

127 audience had left and asked whether they felt that they might have had a different reaction from swingers of a younger age group. The director stated that they had presented the show to a group of younger swingers and that it had been received very well. He stated that he was surprised at the reaction of this group but was pleased that several of the couples attending had signed up to be a part of the series. The presenters reported that they found definite difference in reactions to their film based on age group (anonymous personal communication, November

10, 2005).

Upon leaving the filming, the researcher noticed a fire inspector speaking to

Sage. The Tantra room was locked and a couple standing nearby said that the

Alcohol Beverage Control regulatory division (ABC) had shut them down.

Apparently, a hotel guest that was not part of the convention found out what it was about and called all the regulatory agencies. Later, Tom explained that the officers from ABC told him that the hotel’s liquor license extended to all parts of the hotel and that nudity anywhere in the hotel would endanger the hotel’s liquor license. He stated that he told them that he would just move the parties to the private suites. They told him that no nudity was allowed in any part of the hotel.

Tom suggested that it would make it difficult to bathe or use the bathroom if that were true and they apparently conceded as the suites did open later in the night.

The section of the hotel that housed the lifestyle conventioneers was fenced off and professional security was hired to keep out anyone who did not have a convention wristband. Several other guards were posted at the doors to the ballrooms and no one without a wristband was allowed to enter that area either.

128 Once again the hosts put out fires and dealt with unforeseen problems in a professional and effective manner (See Appendix D).

From 6:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. there was a reception in one of the main ballrooms for the Ambassadors, couples that helped out with setting up the event and provided support for the hosts and staff. At 7:00 p.m. a black and white erotic art exhibit was opened in the hallway of the main ballrooms. This consisted of interesting black and white photographs of nude women in artistic poses. The exhibit remained open throughout the convention and the artist said that he had sold a few pieces and made a few appointments to do some photographs. Another photographer had set up a conference room with a bed, green satin sheets and draping to do erotic photographs of couples. The photographer’s wife told the researcher that they did quite a bit of business at the convention. She was a strikingly attractive woman and the subject of the photographer’s best photographic artwork. There were times that the researcher had to take a break from the sexually charged atmosphere to regroup and regain objectivity.

The vendors from Desire Resort in Cancun and Hedonism III in Jamaica invited the researcher to join them for dinner. When asked about their experiences, all three stated that they went to 12 or 13 of these events on average each year and provided some form of fun and games for entertainment to represent their companies. The representative from the Desire Resort, Lindsey, was an exceptionally tall, attractive woman with a sharp wit and a great sense of humor. The researcher asked her if the couples propositioned her at these events.

129 She stated that for the most part they did not, that women sometimes approached her but did not seem offended when she did not accept. Lesley, the female representative from Hedonism III, said that couples asked her to come to their rooms or parties and she agreed to be polite but did not attend (anonymous personal communication, November 10, 2005). These three people were first introduced to the author during the Key West convention in 2003. The changes in them were obvious, they had grown as business people and seemed to have become somewhat jaded by all the sexual activity and travel they endure. They all agreed to meet at the busses later for the theme party later that night.

The theme of the party was Back in Black at Ice Las Vegas . There have been white parties in the past according to the program and this was a change to something different. Everyone was dressed in black evening clothes, the men wore black suites or dress shirts and black slacks and the women were dressed in black outfits of varying styles and lengths. This dance club had security prowling the floors and the convention participants seemed restricted to behaviors common to any club scene. There were a few women that put on a mild strip show for their dates using a pole on the second level of the dance floor, but for the most part this was just an evening of dancing and socializing that one would observe at any club. The hosts had a semi-private party on the top floor, it was not exclusive but required the purchase of a bottle from the club to attend. The researcher was on a strict budget and could not afford to attend but did pass through the area several times. People seemed to be sitting and socializing, again as you would see in any club. People danced and at intervals determined by Tom, the room was

130 blasted with some type of gas that created a fog and dropped the temperature in the room dramatically. Later one of the staff members said that Tom spent a great deal of money on this party because each time the gas was released it cost a small fortune. This may have been true, as the researcher had observed that both Tom and Sage were more interested in the guest’s enjoyment and comfort than saving money. The researcher returned to the hotel at midnight and positioned himself at the pool area to observe the after party activities of the participants. Four or five hospitality suites were opened throughout the closed off area of the hotel. The researcher decided to sit by the pool to observe the movements of the swingers headed to the hospitality suites. He was stopped on the path by a young, attractive, African American woman wearing only a see through red bra and panties. She took a wrestler’s stance in a playful manner and would not let the researcher pass. She was at the lead of a group of couples that were headed to one of the hospitality suites and seemed to be very excited. The researcher turned down another path to let them pass and the young woman followed him until her husband called her to return to the group. The author observed this group go to one of the hospitality suites, stay for a few minutes, then exit and move to another suite. This occurred with several groups giving the appearance that some of the hospitality suites were a better fit for certain people than others. Some of the parties seemed to number easily more than fifty people, while others seemed to be intimate groups of five to six couples. These parties continued until around 4:00 a.m. and people were having a great time judging from the laughter, moans, and other sounds that could be heard from the researcher’s room.

131 Friday November 11 th – Day 3

The researcher located Tom, at around 10:00 a.m. and shadowed him for and

hour while he prepared the presentation rooms for the events of the day. He was

functioning on very little sleep but continued to be cordial and helpful to

everyone. He said that they had partied until about 4:00 a.m. We entered the

ballroom that doubled as the Tantra room and met two of the presenters preparing for their class. Tom showed them how to use the CD player and the microphone while he had others put finishing touches on the room. This was the hospitality

suite that could not be used for the intended sexual play because of the state

requirements.

The activities began at noon with a luncheon in one of the main ballrooms for

people who purchased the meal package. There was a continuation of the dance

instruction in the other ballroom and another Rat Pack Party from 1:00 p.m. to

3:00 p.m. where the representatives of the Hedonism III resort taught participants

how to tie a toga for the party that evening. The seminars in Track 1 were

Sensual BDSM for Beginner Couples by Master Bill from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m.,

which was a classroom discussion on sensual bondage for couples new to BDSM.

The A, B, C, & D (cups) of Breast Bondage by Master Lenny, which was

described as a hands on demonstration of rope bondage techniques, specifically

with breasts. Yesterday, Master Lenny explained that due to issues with the hotel,

women would have to wear their bras to participate. He remarked that this would

make it difficult to truly experience these techniques but they had no choice.

From 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mistress Evil , who looked like a conservative

132 businesswoman, created wax scenes using candles. Participants were cautioned to wear undergarments for this activity as well.

Track 2 began at 12:00 noon with a seminar on finding your G-spot , by the

Key West Tantra Institute. The author had seen this presentation at the previous convention and purchased a CD of the seminar from the presenter at that time.

The seminar consisted of gynecological pictures and an internal camera to allow women to see their G-spots. The author did not attend and did not hear if the hotel and state restrictions on behavior interfered with the goals of the presentation.

The next seminar, Puja: Tantric Teachings was held in the Tantra Ballroom

from 2:00 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. Puja was described as a guided ritual that lasts

between 90 and 120 minutes and involves exploring different aspects of sensual

and sexual touch while rotating through a group of different partners. Twenty-

five couples were asked to form a circle around the bed/stage that the presenter

stood upon. The presenter was a woman of small, delicate physical stature who

dressed in silk and flowing gossamer material. She spoke with a sweet,

melodious French accent that fit the image she portrayed. Her assistant wore a

turban of gold colored material with a matching vest and sultan pants. He stood

easily around 6’ 5” tall, was thin and muscular, and manned the audio equipment

for her. He had a very peaceful demeanor and the researcher had difficulty

getting him to talk very much other than to praise the presenter.

She began the session with an explanation that no nudity or sexual activity

would be part of the presentation and that individuals were to respect each other’s

133 boundaries. The couples were asked to form a circle with the men facing the stage and the women facing the men with their backs to the stage. They were then led through a series of choreographed activities that began with the couples standing, pressing their palms against their partner’s palms. They were asked to look at the light in each other’s eyes and to bow to each other. “Puja says it all with the eyes, smile and body, whisper why you adore her so much, whisper why he is so extraordinary to your eyes” The presenter stated. She said to say, “I let you go because I know you will return to me and I am going to be charged by 25 others with god’s love.” The women were directed to move to the next partner to their right each time a different exercise was completed. On the first day the participants were put through exercises in which the women cradled the men in their arms, followed by the men cradling the women in a similar fashion gently caressing each other. Women were asked to straddle their partner and move up and down their bodies in a massaging motion. Some of the men were very comfortable and some appeared tense. Men were asked to lay their hands on top of their partner’s head then in a fluttering motion move them up and down the female’s body with gentle caresses. The women were told that if they were uncomfortable having their breasts or genital areas touched, they could gently move the partner’s hand away from these areas and this would be respected. No one moved hands away and during some of the exercises some women partially undressed and encouraged their partner to fondle and kiss their breasts. The participants appeared to greatly enjoy the exercises and had no obvious problem with the switching of partners multiple times. There were men and women of

134 ages ranging from late twenties to late seventies with the majority being in the forty to fifty year age range. The researcher observed a very elderly female participant move from partner to partner without a hint of rejection from any of the males. There was an atmosphere of politeness and a desire to please. This applied to the group as a whole with some individuals being less physically attractive than others yet all appeared to be treated with the same sexual acceptance. The group was invited to participate in the next class to be held the following day. The room slowly emptied and the teacher of the next class began preparing for his presentation.

Couples massage class ran from 4:00 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. and was a hands on course on the art of intimate touch. The write up in the program suggested that massage was a wonderful prelude to sex and that couples and threesomes were welcome to attend. The option of coming with their partner and switching was also offered as a possibility. The researcher observed for the first few minutes but the presenter did not appear comfortable with this scrutiny so the researcher respectfully left the room. Several couples had entered the room and positioned themselves on different beds while the presenter set up next to a centrally located bed on the stage. The researcher had observed this presenter at a previous convention giving massages in the pool area. During that time he and his massage client had been nude and his massage included the woman’s breasts and genitals. The area he was presenting in at the Las Vegas convention forbade nudity and the researcher was not aware as to whether the class was done with clothes on or in violation of the rules.

135 Track 3 , the education track began at 12 noon to 1:00 p.m. with a discussion on how to deal with jealousy in the lifestyle . The focus of this talk was to help couples new to the lifestyle avoid problems by learning to communicate more openly. From 1:30 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. there was a seminar on exploring fantasies, the focus of which was to help the couples to expand their view of the world and learn to fulfill their fantasies. At the next event, from 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. the vendors from Castaways Travel hosted a seminar on lifestyle friendly, clothing optional vacation getaways. There was a reception for couples from Louisiana and Texas from 5:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. and then at 7:00 p.m. there was a fashion show sponsored by the vendors from the erotic market place.

The entertainment started at 7:30 p.m. with the Erotic Hypnotist Show in one of the main ballrooms. The stage hypnotists, a couple, put several suggestible audience members through a number of sophomoric, silly situations that the crowd seemed to enjoy. People sitting at the researchers table did not believe that anyone was really hypnotized, because they remarked that some of the conventioneers would behave the way they did just to get attention. Some of the suggestions given to participants were that they were naked and had a very large penis, a very small penis, body odor, etc. The audience was made up of couples dressed in eveningwear and others dressed in togas for the dance. The show ended at 8:45 p.m. and those not wearing togas retired to their rooms to put on their costumes.

The Toga Party Dance started at 9 p.m. sponsored by Hedonism III resort.

The Andre’ helped the researcher don a toga for the party, which he wore over his

136 cloths. The Hedonism III representatives both wore togas of red silk in the fashion of a string bikini with nothing underneath and drew a great deal of attention from the male and female participants. They led the audience in a contest for the couple with the best togas. Couples lined up to be judged by audience applause, they danced, flashed the judges and were good sports. There were couples with professional costumes and those that had attended the toga tying class earlier in the day. Andre’ and Lesley put on a show for the crowd, leading them in suggestive dance moves and posing for pictures with audience members. The researcher stayed by Lesley, with her permission, as a way of blending in with the couples. This proved to be a fortuitous decision as couples running the different hospitality suites later that night, invited the researcher and

Lesley to attend their parties. The researcher left with the group, Andre’, Lesley,

Lindsey and her date, to visit the hospitality suites after the dance was over.

The first room the researcher visited was small and crowded. The hosts of the room were very friendly and offered everyone a drink called a hand grenade .

People were sitting around discussing sports and things to do in Las Vegas, no one was doing anything sexual. The researcher observed Sally and John arrive and assess the room. They were very polite and gracious to the hosts, made quick small talk and asked to sign the host’s guest book. It was obvious that John was looking for a more active crowd and within five minutes they had moved on with the researcher’s group in tow.

The next room was a much larger suite, music was playing and people were told that no clothes were allowed as they entered the door. The researcher

137 followed Lesley into the room as she explained that she was just checking out the parties for now. The researcher entered the suite and observed nude couples sitting on couches, chairs and tables in the living room area of the suite. They were conversing, smoking, having drinks, and some were fondling each other.

The only light came from the courtyard through the windows of the suite and left everyone in near silhouette. There was a stairway directly in front of the door leading to a loft. Some couples were congregated at the top of the stairs where passionate moaning could be heard. The researcher climbed the stairs and observed a couple having intercourse on a bed surrounded by observers.

Downstairs to the left of the entrance, the group the researcher was with was congregated in a doorway to another bedroom of the suite. The researcher entered and observed a rather obese naked woman sitting on the bed masturbating two men lying on both sides of her. There were other couples on the bed, and surrounding the bed masturbating, having intercourse and oral sex. There were approximately 25 couples in this suite at the time the researcher entered and he was told that later the number grew to more than 50 couples. It was impossible to observe whether anyone was using condoms due to the dim lighting.

The group the researcher was with decided to go out for the evening and he proceeded to observe other suites without them. In an effort not to create any difficulties, the researcher observed movement in and out of the rest of the suites but did not enter and could not report on activities in those particular suites. The hospitality suites seemed to remain active until around 4 a.m. when no more revelers could be heard from the researcher’s room.

138 Saturday November 12 th – Day 4

Track 1 seminars started from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00 p.m. with: Erotic Fetish Play

– Make It What You Want It To Be . This was a discussion on the many styles of fetish play and the philosophy that fantasy is not limited by the rules of society.

Advanced flogging techniques such as the two handed flogging and Florentine flogging were presented in the 2:00 p.m. class. The advanced rope bondage class followed at 3:00 p.m. with intricate rope bondage and suspension scenes.

There was a room on the same floor that had a sign labeled the electric room .

The researcher did not enter this room as the door was always closed and there was nothing in the program describing it. The researcher later spoke to a woman that participated in the activities of the electric room. She was one of the presenters and described the activity as using static electricity to enhance sexual experiences. Specifically, the main presenter held on to some sort of static electric generator while this woman held his hand, she would then place her hand on a woman who was giving fellatio to a man lying on a massage table allowing the electric charge to pass through them. She described it as a tingling feeling and said the same process was used for cunnilingus. She had been very concerned about the ban on nudity and they tried to make due by placing the nude or semi- nude receiver under a sheet. However, the hotel security burst in on them without knocking, put an end to their activities, and frightened this woman terribly. She had managed to keep her participation in the lifestyle secret for seven years so far and said that she really feared that she was going to be arrested in that incident

(anonymous personal communication, November 12, 2005). Luckily she did not

139 get into trouble, but security was definitely a dampening force during the convention.

Track 2 seminars started a 12:00 noon with a couple teaching Tantric studies.

The researcher attended the Puja Part II: Tantric Teachings at 2:00 p.m. About

25 couples attended the seminar. They were again positioned in a circle with the men facing the stage and the women with their backs to the stage, facing the men.

Most of the couples appeared to be in their forties but there were a few outliers that seemed to be in their late sixties. The presenter rhetorically asked, “what is tantric touch?” then explained, “it is a touch that is fully attentive, not grabbing, a long flowing touch that flows like water all the way down.” “Touch like a stream on her body, the body is a wide country to visit, are you staying in one place or traveling far?” She continued with this type of sing-song language describing metaphorically the connection the couples should strive for in Tantra .

The presenter told the women to offer one of their thumbs to the man in front of them. She explained that this was the man’s Lingum (penis in Sanskrit) and for the male partner to show the woman how he liked it to be touched. They were asked to give a detailed demonstration to their partner, if they liked to be licked first, etc. The ladies were each encouraged to listen carefully with their thumbs.

The women had a very positive reaction to the exercise. The women were then asked to demonstrate what they had learned using the partner’s thumb. The couples switched partners.

She then spoke about the Sanskrit word for vagina – Yoni , and called it the sacred temple. The men were asked to each present their fist to the partner and

140 the women were to show the men how to approach their Yoni. After the women’s demonstration the men were asked to take their partner’s fist and to show her what they had learned. The couples exchanged partners and the women were told to climb their new partner like a vine.

The couples progressed through a number of these rituals with different partners and the author observed that one woman was wearing only a silver bikini.

Each of the participants seemed to be eager to please each new partner but this particular person seemed to be more adept at the exercise. The woman in the silver bikini seemed to place all of her expression and attention on the partner she was with so that an observer might mistake them for people in a deeply loving long-term relationship. She seemed to be totally comfortable with the men she encountered along the circle. The researcher noted that within this group of individuals, the level of comfort with sexuality was observed to be much higher than would be expected in the general population. It appeared that there were members of the group, like the woman in the silver bikini, who had reached an even higher level of openness and comfort as evidenced by their interactions with others. The seminar ended and the presenter approached the researcher. She suggested that the researcher participate in some Tantric events with a partner to get the real feel for what he had observed. The researcher explained the boundaries that existed in this type of research and thanked her for allowing the observation of her seminar (anonymous personal communication, November 12,

2005). The next group began to arrive for the couples massage class that ran from

4:00 p.m. till 5:00 p.m.

141 This massage class was modeled after a program called the CLIT (Couples

Learning Intimate Touch) Playshop taught by a former member that had passed

away. The author did not attend this seminar as his presence appeared cause the

presenter discomfort.

Track 3 : Education – was presented in the first ballroom. The first seminar was on body image and ran from 12:00 noon until 1:00 p.m. The presenters were a couple that had been very helpful to the researcher at both conventions and addressed issues related to self-image and self worth in the lifestyle.

Unfortunately, the only attendees were three couples and the researcher. The presentation covered feelings of rejection and the fact that most of the people in this group of swingers were not Ken and Barbie. The message was psychologically sound and well presented, however, the lack of attendance might reflect the threatening nature of the topic for this particular group. The presenter was somewhat disappointed with the turn out but felt that changing the title of the talk would make it more attractive to people next time.

The next group started at 1:30 p.m. and was presented by the stage hypnotist from the previous night’s entertainment. Hypnotism for Lovers purported to teach the secrets of hypnotism and ways to use the techniques to enhance relationships.

The presenter charged $20.00 per couple to attend. From 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. there was a second screening of Swing Club .

During the other activities there was an internet meet & greet from 1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. in the other ballroom. Lifestyle related websites sponsored this event (Lifestyle Lounge.com, SDC.com, SwingLifestyle.com, SexxyMofo.com,

142 & CouplesTouch.com) and website members were asked to wear name tags with their website affiliation as a way of meeting other members of their online community. Those individuals that were not members were encouraged to talk to members to see the benefits that a particular site might hold for them. The program stated that free trial memberships would be available at the reception.

The internet has been the single most powerful factor in the evolution of swinging in the U.S. Individual’s commented frequently that the swingers of ten years ago are not the swingers of today. Today individuals can share pictures and make contacts in the safety and privacy of their own homes. Rendezvous and parties can be set up from home, people can meet in chat rooms, and email can be exchanged long before the people ever meet face to face. Through the groups that sponsored this event, people interested in the lifestyle but unsure how to proceed could easily find the information they needed to help them decide what the next step should be.

There was a dinner party at 7:30 p.m. for those who had purchased tickets ahead of time. The next event was the 7th Annual N’awlins in November Lifestyle

Awards Ceremony at 8:30 p.m. The award was given annually to a couple that showed promise in shaping the future of the lifestyle . This award was given to inspire future leaders and honor those individuals that were challenging those that would restrict their lifestyle. People seemed to enjoy the presentations and seemed pleased with the couple chosen for the award. The evening was just beginning and people were told to change into their Mardi Gras gear for the

Masquerade Ball .

143 The Mardi Gras Masquerade Ball started at 9:00 p.m. with a theme of purple, gold and green colors. The researcher observed that the hotel had stationed three armed security people inside the ballroom and two armed security personnel in the hallway by the bar. This did not seem to affect the fun that people were having, but definitely curbed the sexual expression of the crowd. The researcher was unable to continue observation due to illness and missed the crowning of the

King and Queen of Mardi Gras. The hospitality suites were very active the last night as evidenced by the revelers that could be heard by the researcher well into the early morning hours of the next day.

Limousine buses were provided courtesy of the hosts for those leaving for the airport and the researcher was able to get to his flight without incident. Looking back on the event, the most striking issue observed by the researcher was the number of problems that the hosts must contend with to make sure that people are safe, happy and have a good time. They had to contend with being reported to the fire marshal, the division of Alcohol & Beverage Control, and the threatened hotel management, by a hotel guest who was not pleased about sharing a hotel with swingers. The identification safe guards were breeched when some individuals from another convention forged wristbands and made it past security. Security people burst into conference rooms were seminars were being held, in order to enforce the no nudity ban. The clubs that were set up for the evenings entertainment all had the same restrictive security system that seemed designed to keep people from doing anything sexual even though the places were taken over by the convention. The researcher heard very few complaints by participants,

144 they seemed aware of the restrictions imposed by the government in Las Vegas and adjusted accordingly. Some participants said that to get the real feel for this event, one had to attend in New Orleans. The researcher was unable to observe that event due to the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina.

Beach Parties

Sunday – June 6, 2004, 12:30 p.m.

The researcher attended two beach parties held by two local swing clubs on different occasions. Both experiences were so similar that the researcher decided to present observations from one to avoid being redundant.

The party was held at the clothing optional area of Haulover Beach in Miami.

The beach was very crowded but the researcher was able to locate the swingers group very quickly. They had a large banner with their logo wrapped around several umbrellas. There were attractive couples in small groups talking and enjoying the sun. Everyone seemed very friendly and they were obviously enjoying the company they were with. The researcher had been to this beach on many occasions and observed very little difference from the usual experience except that there were more people. He arrived at around 12:15 p.m. and may have missed the exciting giveaways promised in the club advertisement. The swingers in attendance were all very attractive and of different ages and ethnicities. People appeared friendly but no one engaged in conversation with the researcher.

145 Conclusions:

The researcher initially intended to provide a comprehensive view of the phenomenon of swinging in its current form. The main focus of the study was to gain as much information as possible about the Lifestyle and to present it in an accessible form. Early into the research it was clear that the subject was much more complex than had been expected and the scope of the study had to be narrowed to those groups and individuals with whom the researcher could make contact. The groups and individuals observed by the researcher were similar those found in recent research and corroborated many of the demographic findings of the most current studies (Bergstrand and Williams, 2000; Jenks, 1998,

2001).

The answer to the question of who were the swingers of today may have changed a great deal in some areas during the past ten years. The internet has opened the lifestyle to a larger group of people who have the ability to explore it from the safety of their own homes. People who want to meet other swingers can now make contact without the expense of joining clubs, going to conventions, or putting ads in magazines. The number of individuals participating in the lifestyle in this manner may be difficult to gauge. Who were the swingers the researcher observed? The majority of participants were middle-aged, middle to upper- middle class, Caucasian individuals. They were well educated and held professional positions or were business owners of some sort. The researcher interviewed police officers, government employees, real-estate agents and moguls, businessmen and businesswomen, military officers, computer specialists,

146 club owners, professional artists and musicians, photographers, and individuals in many other occupations. The average length of time they had been involved in swinging was 5.8 years. Participants felt that men joined the lifestyle mainly for sexual variety. The participants gave several reasons for women joining the lifestyle which included: variety and sexual discovery; to feel attractive, sexy and valued as a woman; to please their husbands; to have bisexual experiences; to watch their partner have sex with another woman or for fun and excitement. One woman suggested that some women appreciated having the pressure taken off of them by having some one else responsible for satisfying their spouses sexually.

Future research might find interesting results using the Crowne-Marlowe Social

Desirability Scale with this population. The researcher found the individuals he interviewed to be very open, polite, and helpful with few exceptions. Most of the participants felt that swinging was a great experience for them, but an experience that was not for everyone. When it came to sexuality, most of the participants gave the impression of enlightenment compared to the general population. They felt they were part of something special, exciting and forbidden. The lifestyle could not be categorized using a simple term like wife swapping, it has evolved into a multi-faceted experience. This population may constitute the majority of swingers, however, while researching the subject several other groups emerged that the researcher was unable to gain access to: African American swinger groups, and younger groups of swingers whose age, the researcher was told, averaged in their mid-twenties to early thirties. There was also some overlap of groups such as nudists and BDSM groups that traditionally separated themselves

147 from swingers. These groups would be excellent sources for future research on the subject.

The activities available to those involved in the lifestyle revolved around social, sexual, and educational realms. The conventions provided a mixture of all these areas and participants were encouraged to attend anything that peaked their interest. For those in the lifestyle sex as a recreational activity opened the door to many forms of adult play. Club owners, convention hosts, and those individuals that hosted swingers parties had the daunting task of coming up with innovative sexual games, fantasy play and ice breaking activities to keep their members happy, interested and coming back for more. The danger for some more active individuals was to become jaded. In addition to the activities described in the study, the researcher found boat regatta swingers parties, fetish parties, cruises and tours, and swinger events posted on internet websites. The interned provided swingers with websites and information bulletin boards where individuals could post and access profiles, participate in chatrooms, forums, and make connections with other swingers. There are conceivable many more activities that the researcher did not come into contact with.

How did participation in the lifestyle impact relationships? The question was answered most succinctly by one woman who suggested if one felt that it was not good then one should not do it. Most of the individuals reported that becoming involved in the lifestyle had enhanced their sexual lives and had made their relationships better. They cited more open communication of feelings and

148 decreased jealousy as some of the factors that improved their relationships as well as a more exciting sex life.

Finally, the concerns swingers had about participating in the lifestyle were few.

Some stated that initially they feared that their spouses would find someone better and leave them. This was a valid concern according to some of the participants who reported having witnessed marriages broken up in this manner. About half of those surveyed and most of those interviewed reported that they had concerns about sexually transmitted infections and reported that they took precautions.

Upon further questioning some respondents reported that they did not use condoms or did not use them all the time. Some individuals relied on the belief that the people they were having sex with were in committed relationships and therefore were safer sex partners. There was a culture of rejection of hard drug use that possibly decreased the likelihood that they would come into contact with an IV drug user or crack user. However, there is no prohibition against alcohol use and overuse could influence the participation in higher risk behaviors than the individual had originally planned. None of the individuals interviewed reported hearing of anyone having a sexually transmitted infection. This was not surprising to the researcher considering most of the individuals don’t even know each other’s last names. But given the age group, sexual sophistication, social status, and educational level of the participants it would also not be surprising to find that incidents of transmission were much lower than other groups participating in risky sexual activity.

149 The limitations of the observational section of the study were great and the findings could only be considered as anecdotal. The researcher was bound by financial limitations, clubs and conventions are expensive to explore. There were major areas of the lifestyle that were not accessible to the researcher, such as the attendance of private parties, or the home meetings between two couples, or attending events for young swingers. There was a great deal of information that future research could address in this ever-evolving phenomenon. More research is needed in the activities of other racial and cultural groups involved in the lifestyle. There are websites such as USBlackswingers.com, Ebonyloveline.com and [email protected] , which boast over a million active members.

Who are the swingers? They are your neighbors, your friends, your doctor, your lawyer, your police officer, your public official, and maybe your parents or grandparents.

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Leigh, B. & Leigh, K. (2004). Single gentlemen in the lifestyle: How to win

success. Lifestyle Magazine, 1, pp. 18-22.

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30, 2006, from: Http://www.sexypartyclub.com/singleguy.htm .

152 Levitt, E.E. (1988). Alternative lifestyle and marital satisfaction: A brief report.

Annals of Sex Research, 1. pp. 455-461.

Lindsey, R. (2004). Rule making and Breaking: Tips every couple should know.

Lifestyle Magazine, 1, pp. 14-17.

Marks, C., & Marks, S. (1994). “Swing”(Dawn of a New Era). Florida: M.S.W.

Publishing Company.

Marks, C., & Marks, S. (1995). “Swing II”(After the Dawn). Florida: M.S.W.

Publishing Company.

Marks, C., & Marks, S. (1995). “Today’s Swingers”(The Complete Guide to

Successful Swinging). Florida: M.S.W. Publishing Company.

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Events, and Publications. California: NASCA International.

Murstein, B.I., (1978). Swinging or comarital sex. Exploring Intimate Lifestyles,

New York: Springer.

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153 Studies on Sexual Alternatives in Marriage. Baltimore: The Johns Hopkins

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http://www.swingersboard.com/?swing=dictionary .

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p. 66.

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154 Appendix A

Directions for survey packet

Thank you for agreeing to participate in this study. Please follow the directions below for completion of the requested information.

1. This study is sexual in nature, if you have received this information in error and are not involved in the Lifestyle/Swinging simply dispose of it.

2. Read and sign the consent form. You may make a copy for your records, but I must have the original to be able to use your data.

3. Should you have any questions please feel free to call George Kallas. Phone: xxx-xxx-xxxx.

4. Please answer the questions in detail and in clear hand writing. You can use the back of the page to continue a question or add paper to the survey as needed.

5. When you have completed the Consent form and the Lifestyles questionnaire. Please give them to Xxx, Xxxx or George Kallas at the convention or if you prefer send them to George Kallas, P.O. Box xxxxxx, Pembroke Pines, Florida 33024

6. If you have an interesting story about the lifestyle that I could use in a future book I would appreciate speaking to you at a later date, please leave me a note with contact information in the envelope.

7. Thank you for your participation. Keep this form for your information, but please return all the other forms in the packet .

155 Appendix A continued

The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists At Maimonides University North Miami Beach, Florida

Consent for Participation in Study

Thank you for choosing to participate in this doctoral dissertation. The goal of this study is to create an overview of the swinging lifestyle and the people involved. To this end, each participant will be asked questions related to different aspects of the lifestyle and how these things affect their lives positively or negatively.

The interviews may be recorded to help in the process of gathering information and by signing this document you grant the student permission to record your voice during the interview and to use the information. The identities of all participants will be held in strict confidence.

Your participation in this study is completely voluntary and you may choose to withdraw at any time during the study. Once the study is completed the information cannot be removed.

If you choose to participate you agree to the understanding that while participation should not cause you any harm, it probably will not personally benefit you in any way either. You are voluntarily participating to provide information that will help the student gain better understanding about the subject toward the completion of a doctoral dissertation.

By signing below you also agree to indemnify and hold harmless the student George J. Kallas, the university, professors, officers, employees or agents of The American Academy of Clinical Sexologists and Maimonides University against claims, legal proceedings, damages, actions, expenses or any liability due to unforeseen or unintentional harm caused by participation in this study. Thank you again for choosing to participate.

By signing below I am stating that I, ______, fully understand and agree to the above statements and agree that my participation is completely voluntary.

______Participant’s name (please print) Participant number

______Participant’s Signature Date

156 Appendix A continued

Lifestyles Questionnaire

Please answer the following questions as completely as possible. No identifying information will be connected to your answers in the paper and only the author/student will have access to the information given in this questionnaire. Please take your time and write clearly. If you need more space, write the number of the question on the back of the page and continue there or add pages as needed. Thank you again for volunteering to participate in this study.

Demographic Questions: If any questions don’t apply write NA in the space.

Age: _____ Female: _____ Male: _____ Marital Status: Married _____ Single _____ Divorced _____ Number of marriages: _____ Length of time with present partner: ______

Religion: ______Religion of origin: ______

Cultural Background: ______Race: Caucasian _____ African American _____ Hispanic _____ Asian/Pacific Islander _____ First Nation/Native American _____ Other ______

Education – highest level: High School _____ Associates Degree _____ Bachelors Degree _____ Masters Degree _____ Doctorate _____ Professional School Certification _____ Other ______

Household income: $10,000 - $20,000 _____ $60,000 - $70,000 _____ $20,000 - $30,000 _____ $70,000 - $80,000 _____ $30.000 - $40,000 _____ $90,000 - $100,000 _____ $40,000 - $50,000 _____ $100,000 + _____ $50,000 - $60,000 _____ Professional/Employment Description ______

Sexual Identification: Heterosexual _____ Bisexual _____ Lesbian _____ Gay _____ Transgendered _____

Republican ______Democrat _____ Independent _____ Other ______Politically: Liberal _____ Moderate ______Conservative _____

1. How did you first hear about the Lifestyle/Swinging? What was your first reaction?

2. From your experience with other couples, who initiates conversations about swinging, the man or woman?

3. How long have you been in the lifestyle/swinging. In your experience with other couples, do you know people that have left the lifestyle and why? Who ended the couple’s participation in the lifestyle?

4. In your opinion what is a man’s usual reason for swinging? What would be considered a good reason and what would be considered a bad reason for a man to participate in the lifestyle?

5. What is a woman’s usual reason for swinging? What would you consider a good reason for a woman to swing and what would be a bad reason for participating in the lifestyle?

6. What is your view of the lifestyle? How would you describe the people you know, what type of people are involved? Do you consider the lifestyle to be normal/natural or do you see it as doing something taboo?

7. In your opinion what is the general public’s view of the lifestyle? If you have been a longtime participant have you seen changes in attitude related to the public at large?

157 Appendix A continued

8. How do you go about meeting other couples? What has been your experience with the internet, clubs, conventions, swingers vacations? What has worked best for you and what has not worked?

9. How do you “hook up” with other couples in clubs or other venues? Who initiates the hook up with another couple?

10. When/if you go to sex clubs, private parties, or conventions. Please describe what you will and will not do sexually. What agreements, boundaries and rules do you have as a couple?

11. Are you concerned about sexually transmitted illnesses? What do you do to protect yourself?

12. Have any problems or difficulties occurred in you relationship as a result of swinging? How were they resolved?

13. What positive changes have occurred in your life/relationship because of your participation in the lifestyle/swinging?

14. How have you changed personally because of swinging? What positive changes have you noticed in yourself? Please describe any negative changes?

15. How do you feel about the sex you have with other couples, is it good, do you reach orgasm? Are you sexually satisfied after having sex with another couple, do you experience satisfaction of another kind? How do you rate the sex?

16. Have you developed lasting friendships with any of these couples? Please describe your relationship with them?

17. Do you socialize in other areas of life with friends in the lifestyle?

18. Are most women who swing enthusiastic about it? Do you think they enjoy the sexual experiences?

19. What was the best experience you have had in the lifestyle/swinging?

20. Describe your worst experience swinging?

21. What kind of problems have you had at clubs, parties, conventions?

22. Are their differences between clubs? What are they? Which are the best in your opinion? What would you like to see in clubs? What would you like to be discontinued?

23. Do you feel that the lifestyle is run by women or men? Why?

24. How do you let a couple know that you do not want to have sex with them?

25. When a couple you are interested in says they are not interested in you, how do you handle it? How does your partner handle being rejected?

26. What activities and events have you participated in at the clubs, parties and conventions? Whose enjoyment are they geared toward, men or women?

27. Have you participated in any of the lifestyle conventions or trips? If so, what did you like or dislike about the event(s) you attended? What would have made them better?

28. At what age did you become sexually active? Was your first sexual experience consensual?

29. What were your views about sex before you joined the lifestyle? Have they changed and, if so, in what way?

158 Appendix B

Convention in Las Vegas

Convention Rules and Guidelines

Please respect our rules and this will ensure a wonderful weekend for everyone. Everyone will be required to sign a release stating that they understand and will comply with our rules. If you have any problems, notify our staff at once.

1. Respect. “No means No!” Anyone that doesn’t understand this or makes unwanted advances will be politely asked to leave, without a refund..

2. No Nudity! We are in “Sin City” but this isn’t New Orleans. While “flashing is ok in New Orleans, it simply isn’t ok in Las Vegas. Please no nudity or sexual activity in any public places. Save it for your room!

3. No Drugs: This is simple “just say no” Anyone breaking this rule will be banned forever, again-no refund.

4. Protect Yourselves: It is your responsibility to act responsibly when it comes to personal protection.

5. No alcoholic beverages allowed to be brought in or taken from the ballrooms: This is a state ABC law and we don’t need to give them any reasons to give us any problems. The dances are not BYOB, so bring some cash, have a drink and have a ball.

6. Listen to Security & Police: We count on our security to keep our event discreet and private. Please do not give them any reason to stop this event and ruin a great party. Be respectful and we will all have a great time.

7. Intoxication: If you become intoxicated and disruptive, you may be asked to leave (without refund).

8. Wristbands are mandatory! You must wear your wristbands at all times. Anyone without a wristband will be asked to leave. Anyone caught trying to trade wristbands will be banned from all events.

9. No cameras, video equipment, recorders or cell phones with cameras: Only people approved by N’awlins in November with a “Press Pass” and a photo (bright orange vest) vest (sic) are allowed to take any photos. If someone takes your picture, don’t confront them, see someone on our staff and we will help.

10. Most important rule. Have fun. It’s a rule, and it’s enforced.

159 Appendix C

160 Appendix D

XXXXXX in November in Las Vegas

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

When life gives you lemons, we made hand grenades. The State of Nevada doesn’t like naked people. They’ve asked us nicely to not allow nudity in our Tantra Temple and Hospitality Suites located across from the ballroom.

So we’ve already disassembled and recreated some beautiful hospitality suites while you were having fun at Ice Please check out the following Hospitality Suites which are open for your pleasure.

HOSPITALITY SUITES WILL BE OPEN 11:00 PM to 2:00AM

Room 2009 Red Room Sponsored by xxxxxx

Room 2301 Silk Palace Sponsored by xxxxxxx

Room 2906-2907 King and Queens Suites Sponsored by xxxxx

Room 2351 The Florida Mandigos Club Festival of Min IR Hospitality Suite

Room 2457 The California Pleasure Suite for Real Players Sponsored by xxxx (also open from 3:00-5:30 pm for those looking for some afternoon fun).

We want to thank our friends and sponsors who helped us weather yet another storm by pitching in at a moments notice and putting these hospitality suites together for us.

Please make sure to remember to be properly covered coming and going to the hospitality suites.

Your Hosts,

XXXXXX

More Hospitality Suites will be announced tomorrow!

161